Chapter Text
(01:24)
PG started a chat
PG added Dr. Reid, DEREK MORGAN, A Hotchner, Emily P, JJ, D Rossi
PG set chat name to BAU SQUAD
PG: WE NEEDED A GC
D Rossi: It’s 1:30 in the morning why do we need a gc right now
DEREK MORGAN: does anyone understand why she does anything
PG: one should not question the ways of a goddess
DEREK MORGAN: oh don’t worry Baby Girl, I ain’t dumb enough to question shit about you.
D Rossi: why are neither of you asleep ?
A Hotchner: Do any of us sleep?
Dr. Reid: Of course we sleep, the human body can only go so long without sleep and function properly.
A Hotchner: yeah but none of us sleep like we should
Dr. Reid: Obviously, with everything we see on a day to day basis it would be more concerning if we slept regularly than if we had nightmares and/or insomnia.
PG set Dr. Reid’s name as Smexy
Smexy: Do I want to understand what this means?
JJ: no.
Emily P.: No.
Derek: maybe?
D Rossi: No.
A Hotchner: It means smart and sexy.
Smexy: Garcia is officially insane.
A Hotchner: we been knew
Smexy: That’s not even close to grammatical correct.
A Hotchner: it’s a meme
Smexy: Oh...
DEREK MORGAN: hey everyone quick survey if you have seen Pretty Boys contacts say fuck
DEREK MORGAN: Fuck
PG: Fuck
JJ: Fuck
Emily P.: what on earth could be interesting about Reid’s contacts it’s probably just our names
DEREK MORGAN: Your contact in his phone is #1 Lesbian
Emily P.: WHAT XD
D Rossi: what’s mine
DEREK MORGAN: Father
D Rossi: youre kidding
Smexy: STFU DEREK
A Hotchner: that’s great XD
DEREK MORGAN: Hotch using emojis makes me uncomfortable
PG: same
D Rossi: what are yours?
PG: Goddess. Spencer put me as Goddess because he’s a smart man
JJ: MINE IS “Big Sister <3”
DEREK MORGAN: “Best Bro”
A Hotchner: What’s mine?
Smexy: don’t you fucking dare
DEREK MORGAN: can’t tell.
JJ: not gonna
PG: I ain’t that dumb
A Hotchner: I feel fear wtf did you put my contact as Reid???
Smexy: no.
Emily P.: I wanna know so bad
JJ: you prolly don’t actually
D Rossi: is it that bad?
DEREK MORGAN: it’s not exactly what you’d expect
D Rossi: how insulting is it
A Hotchner: Asshole? Satan?
DEREK MORGAN: not insulting at all
PG: it makes mine for Derek seem PG
A Hotchner: what is yours for Derek
PG: Sex God.
Smexy: I hate you all
A Hotchner: i-
Smexy: it’s not like that just embarrassing pls don’t ask
JJ: all of your contacts are embarrassing for you but Hotch yours raised some qUeStIoNs
A Hotchner: I feel fear
Smexy: I hate you all
DEREK MORGAN: you don’t hate Hotch
Smexy: fuck you
A Hotchner: .....are we ignoring the fact Spencer cursed? Like twice?
PG: he curses a lot in text
PG: one time he drunk texted me after him and Derek has been out one night for “bros night” cause we don’t include Derek in girls night and it was basically a 12 page essay about his crush and it had so much cursing and sexual shit I laughed for 5 hours and he wouldn’t make eye contact with me for 3 days
JJ: he sent it to all 3 of us
DEREK MORGAN: It was very naughty;)
Smexy: I hate you ALL
A Hotchner: Spencer your 26 I don’t wanna know why you did that but you could ask the girl out?
Smexy: there is no woman to ask out
D Rossi: you just got putted about having a crush on a girl that was apparently “very naughty”
Emily P.: sorry kid but how you gonna explain that?
A Hotchner: ask the boy out?
DEREK MORGAN: AT LEAST HOTCH CATCHES THE OBVIOUS
Smexy: I hate you ALL
Emily P.: Spencer is gay???
Smexy: bi.
A Hotchner: ask him out
Smexy: I’d rather relapse than deal with that embarrassment
PG: I’ve got $50 on it being mutual
JJ: same
DEREK MORGAN: I got $100 that they will fuck before next year
Emily P.: I love Spence but I’d put $50 in it not being mutual, sorry he has shit luck
D Rossi: ily Reid but I’m with Prentiss
A Hotchner: they’d have to be stupid for Rossi and Prentiss to be right but I am not placing bets on you
Smexy: fuck my life
DEREK MORGAN: ask your Daddy to do it
Smexy: SHUT THE EVER LOVING FUCK UP DEREK MORGAN!
A Hotchner: wow