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Matty knew George was gone, knew he should be getting over it by now, but it still hurt, and he continued to love him. He knew George had been slipping away, drifting further from him, but he had tried to ignore the distance growing between them, in favour of continuing to let himself believe that everything was fine.
He watched as the ice cream melted down his fingers, dripping off his hand into a sticky pink puddle on the pavement. Lost and alone with his feelings in a town he knew far too well, he ended up buying himself an ice cream cone, only realising after he had it in his hand that he had bought a strawberry one out of habit. Matty hated strawberry, he rarely ate ice cream anyway, but strawberry ice cream was George's favourite dessert and his brain had ordered a strawberry ice cream cone on autopilot.
He watched it melt for a few minutes, feeling the sun beating down on him and wondering if he would ever stop hurting. Realistically he knew he would, he knew no pain was permanent, but god it felt like it would never end. There was something poetic to Matty's emotional heart about George's favourite dessert melting through his fingers just as George himself had 5 months ago.
God had it really been 5 months? It was July now, it was no longer cold out like the day it happened back in early February, no longer as cold as the bitter words George had left him with, but sometimes that coldness would still freeze over his heart because he was still so in love with George, and he couldn't just forget him.
Matty got through each week telling himself the next would be better, and when it wasn't, he told himself that again. Week after week he waited for something to shift back into place and make his life right again, but at the same time, he was grateful for how much better he was doing now, how far he had moved on from those nights early after the breakup, sobbing in his room with a hole in his chest.
He thought a lot about how everything would have turned out if George had stayed, maybe if he had done something different George wouldn't have fallen out of love, maybe if they had talked it over they would still be together and happy.
He likes to imagine what Valentine's Day would have been like, he never had anyone to celebrate it with before and had bought George a gift he spent weeks picking out, only to be left alone with it 8 days before Valentine's Day. He still had it, still kept it and daydreamed about what him and George could have been, if he had just stuck around for February.
Matty understood why George left, he said he needed space to breathe, needed time to focus on his mental health, needed time to figure things out. It was more on the vague side of reasons to break up but Matty understood and respected that, no matter how much it hurt him. He loved George and wanted him to be happy, even if that meant not with him.
George had told him maybe one day things between them would go back to how they were before, said that maybe after he had time to think and shit, he'd want to come back. Matty told him that he would wait for him, and he did.
He knew it was a bit stupid to wait, stupid to want George to come back when it would probably end like it had before, with George confused and Matty heartbroken again, but he truly loved George, and knew he couldn't love anyone else the same.
In September George texted him, just a "hi", but the one word nearly had Matty's heart beating out of his chest. It had been 7 months now, and Matty found himself thinking about George in his day to day life less and less, though he still loved him the same. Matty texted him back, "Hey". He was scared, this was awkward already.
"i think I'm ready to talk to you again, i want to make things work." Matty's heart just about stopped, he read over the message a second time, and then a third. And then another one popped up, "unless you don't want that, which is fine too."
"No, i want to, i still care about you.." he replied, a small smile making its way onto his lips. Maybe this could work out.
Summer was gone now, and Matty found himself unboxing the gift he had bought George for Valentine's day, it didn't seem that special at first, but it meant a lot to Matty and he hoped it would have meant a lot to George. It honestly wasn't that special, it was just a green jacket that he had bought for George.
During their relationship George always ended up walking around in the cold while Matty was bundled in his hoodies and jackets, just about drowning in the fabric fit for the larger man. Back in January he bought George the jacket as an apology for stealing all of his other ones, but George didn't stick around for February to receive it.
Stepping outside of his apartment with a destination in mind and a reason to leave the house for once, he slipped on the green windbreaker, too large for his frame, and tucked a box of fags up the sleeve. George had made the older man quit long ago but since the breakup he found himself smoking more often than not. He lit one up as he began his walk to the address George had texted him.
George was sitting outside his house, on the front steps with his head in his hands, and Matty felt anxiety bubbling up in his throat as he approached him, his stomach dropping when George looked up at him, moving over so the smaller man could sit next to him. Matty sat down, wondering if George could smell cigarette smoke on him when he broke the silence.
"I've missed you." He said, wrapping his arms around himself, laying his head down onto his knees to look at Matty. He looks cold Matty thought, shrugging off the green windbreaker, he slipped the jacket over George's shoulders, letting his hand linger on his back for too long before flinching back, looking away.
"I've missed you too, lots." He said, running a hand through his curls. This is so awkward. He basically shouted in his brain. George slipped his arms through the sleeves of the jacket, eyebrows furrowing with worry as the box of fags fell from the sleeve. Fuck Matty thought, but George just silently set them on the steps next to Matty, smiling sadly. "Sorry" he mumbled, grabbing the box and shoving them into his pocket.
"You're still really fucking cute." George commented, causing Matty to blush, elbowing the younger man playfully. Maybe not so much had changed, but at the same time, everything had.
Soon enough the awkwardness had melted away and they were having a conversation just like they used to, and Matty realised everything would be fine. After a while it had gotten colder out, and darker, and the two relocated to George's sofa, George laying down with his head on Matty's lap as they continued to talk.
George told him about how he had started seeing a therapist, about how much better he was doing with his depression now, and Matty listened. They talked for hours and eventually George fell asleep, his head on Matty's chest now. Matty smiled, a real, genuinely happy smile for the first time since February, as he kissed the top of George's head and let his own eyes slip shut.