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Warm water flushed across Levi’s skin in little rivulets that swiftly streamed to the tile below his feet. It pooled in the grouted slots between each ceramic square before meandering its way down the drain. Clear, like the sky on a cloudless day, the water continued to run. He knew to enjoy every second of the shower he was taking, but he couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than the memories flashing through his mind. Bruises scattered across his flesh. Muscles ached where they had ripped apart in an attempt to maneuver in ways he wasn’t familiar. The seconds turned into minutes. The minutes drew on for what felt like hours. He couldn’t pull his stare away from the nearly magnetic liquid as it splattered against the back of his neck, flowing through his hair and across his naked body in a way that sent goosebumps down his spine How strange it was…
How strange it was to see the water join other runnels rather than travel across his goosed flesh to forge a new path on its own.
How strange it was to discover the similarity in a shower as compared to a heavy cloudburst.
But mostly, how strange it was knowing he was the only one who could see the blood in the water.
~
A high pitch scream echoed through the thundering horses rendering the downpour mute to her last, pitiful breaths. The sinking feeling in his stomach tightened into a stiff ball that nearly suffocated him. How close were they? His dark stare searched through the rain as his squad moved in time with him. Unidentifiable large masses hurtled across his vision, but he was unable to decipher whether it was a foe or foliage. The rain stung his eyes. Unable to predict the weather, the Scout Regiment were faced with a difficult choice, continue or retreat. Commander Erwin Smith took a calculated approach to make the best possible decision. It didn’t come without consequences and it certainly didn’t come without sacrifice. Because returning to the safety of the gates meant the mission would be marked as another complete failure.
Yet, Levi knew the devastation had only begun as they pushed their forces through the storm to safety. The titans they did manage to kill before the choice to abandon the mission became the Scouts’ new objective were scarce. Hardly worth the challenge. It felt like a complete shame to venture this far beyond the walls into occupied titan territory only to turn back due to the rain. But it was never that simple. Erwin’s judgement was unflawed. That was the first sign of trouble. Not only was this his first time taking his Special Operations Squad onto the battlefield, but now they were barreling forward in an attempt to save their lives. Panic was high, visibility was impossible, all they could taste was the desperation in the form of sweat. There was no simple way to prepare a new team to battle in conditions like this, prior experience or not.
~
The water was turning his body a bright pink as it wrinkled the coarse skin of his fingertips. The thought of slight discomfort never crossed Levi’s mind as he reached for the soap for the sixth time. Following his routine clearly, he started with his face. The bags under his eyes showed him no mercy as his hands massaged the scentless bar deep into his pores. His hands, moving like clockwork, shifted to get behind the ears and ever so slightly into his dark hairline. Mimicking the implacable feelings raging inside, he couldn’t stop himself from the internal barrage.
How many comrades had fallen because he wasn’t there? What could he have done different? How did his choices affect the actions of today? What about tomorrow? How many titans had he mercilessly slaughtered over the years? No matter how many he cut down, why did they still gravitate towards humanity? As implacable and unpredictable as the water cascading across his worn body, why did these things happen? The titans still readily search for human flesh to quell their ever present hunger. But why? Why did they know so little about their enemy? How long would the walls remain unbreached? How long would everyone be safe from this nightmare? Just how far would they push to get the outcome they wanted?
Where were the answers he so desperately needed to hear?
~
Commander Erwin seemed to have his mind set on the future. His ambitions remained steadfast regardless of the countless lives that have been sacrificed to reach that goal. For what, exactly, was that goal Levi may never know. What he did know was that it was imperative to trust in Erwin’s judgement. So, when Erwin decided it would be wise to form a Special Operations Squad and put Levi in charge, he couldn’t refuse. Not that he wanted to. Having a small, specialized force to take down the threatening titans would be beneficial for both the entire Scout Regiment and the people behind the walls. For the sake of the survival of humanity and his men, he had to trust his commander. And in turn, his squad had to trust his prudence.
But at that waking moment, nearly all hope seemed lost. The Scouts had pushed much further into occupied titan territory than they deemed necessary as their current struggles escalated. Their enemy had flooded toward them as if a silent beaconed called them forward. It was all Levi could do to continue to fight through the mountainous creatures, leaving his comrades to fend for themselves. Formations had broken, soldiers from different divisions passed behind him. By now his squad knew to make their own choices because choosing to trust their instincts at a time like this could save their lives. His worry was directed more towards the rest of the Regiment.
Just how many had perished due to his own choices? Were they right? Were they wrong? He felt the swipe of a titan hand whiz past his body as his ODM gear barely kept him out of reach. It wasn’t by chance. He meant for that to happen. As his body swung around and his hands acted on their own accord, Levi had sliced the wedge from the back of the titan’s neck before the trifling beast had an inkling it was dying. And just like that he was on to the next. The battles had hardened him into a scrupulous fighter. Without discipline, he would’ve died on his first scouting mission. And now –
The painful cries of his comrades pierced the air. Shit.
~
The bar of soap slid from his fingers. It clattered against the tile before sliding toward the open drain. For a moment, Levi could only stare. Small bubbles, caught in the torrent, spun around the grate before disappearing into the dark abyss never to be seen or heard from again. Acting as a painful reminder of all the comrades fallen during his time as a member of the Scout Regiment, he bent over slowly to retrieve the slippery bar. His body cried out in agony as he did. Unwilling to bow down to the commands of his injuries, Levi lightly grasped the unconstrained soap and eased himself into a standing position again. His gray stare never left the sudsy bar.
~
One slip of his foot was all it took to send a rash of pain through his body. It wasn’t unbearable, especially compared to the lives of the Scouts as the titan’s teeth bore down upon their frail bodies. It wasn’t their fault. Human anatomy wasn’t designed to withstand the pressure of a clenching jaw, yet alone, fast enough to gracefully meander around their primitive reflexes. Panic was the sole cause for the lack of strength. No matter how calm Erwin was, it never seemed to be enough for the Scouts.
Levi was sure he’d feel the same if he were lax enough to find himself getting eaten.
The bark was saturated to the point of sloughing off the trees. The titan made a pass at his momentary loss of momentum, but Levi was ready. Seeing all the possible tactics aligning before him, it was easy to outmaneuver around the massive swing of the titan’s arm. Using the extra propulsion as his hook latched into the skin near its wrist, Levi rotated his body around the titan and cleanly sliced the wedge from the back of its neck. Turning to the next, the screams had all but quieted. With a few spurts of gas-fueled power, Levi calmly took the life of the last titan that stood up to him. He allowed the spool of wire to lower him back to earth. His feet splashed into the stagnant puddles rippling with raindrops where the grass was too waterlogged to soak up the excess precipitation.
A few horses approached from his left. Erwin, in accompany with a few of the members of the regiment, regarded him with a distinct, almost apologetic look. It didn’t turn the corners of his lip line in either direction, but Levi could see the sadness in his eyes. It coexisted with his dream of the future, and maybe that’s why he felt he could trust Erwin’s rational intuition. But at that moment, all he could think about was his misplaced, possibly dead squad members.
“Are you all that’s left?” Erwin asked, his white mount stirred by the amount of torrential rainfall. Its once clean legs were coated in a thick layer of mud and it was quickly sinking into the saturated ground. Snorting, it continually kept on the move to avoid being sucked into the rapidly worsening conditions.
“I don’t know,” Levi replied as honestly as he could. He couldn’t see a damn thing through the blanket of raindrops. Sheathing his blades, he whistled for his horse. It appeared in a manner of seconds as it always had, treading carefully through the decomposing bodies of titans and humans alike. Swinging his leg over the saddle, he kicked the haunches of his chestnut steed before beginning the search for his fallen comrades. They had to be quick, though. Titans could be lurking just beyond the next cloudburst.
~
Gingerly stepping out of the shower, Levi’s hand grasped the nearest towel. The cold tightened his joints, locking them into place. His body was growing weary of his continual fight for survival. Yet, he had to push on. For as long as he lived, the memories, goals, ambitions, and dreams of his fallen comrades would be carried on his shoulders until the day they could see a time of peace where titans no longer occupied the lands where they chose to live. He promised it to himself the moment the first of many friends fell on the battlefield to fight for a better future, and he continually pushed himself to see it too for their sakes.
The dry fibers readily soaked up the surplus moisture beading on his bare skin as he dabbed it across the sensitive yellow and green areas prickled with a nasty shade of violet. His body naturally flinched away from his own touch as he worked his way from the neck down. Using another towel entirely, he wrapped his around his dripping, raven hair to prevent the rest of his body from getting damp again. Opening the bathroom door, a surge of even chillier air rolled across his bare skin sending another round of goosebumps rippling across his body. Ignoring the silence that greeted him, Levi padded across the floor to his bed where he carefully pulled a small wooden box out from underneath the bed skirt. He drew a long, carefully measured breath as he ran an indurated hand across the knotted top. Unlatching the leather straps holding the lid to the base, he opened the coffer.
No matter how many times he viewed the contents of the box, his mind was never fully prepared. Badges of his fallen comrades stacked neatly on top of each other nearly filled the small wooden confinement to the brim. Like invisible scars, the memories of friends dying for the betterment of the people in their small world would haunt him to his death. And with each passing expedition into titan territory, the possibility of adding more weighed down on him greatly. Rotating on the ball of his foot, he set himself on the floor. His hand gripped the white sheet covering his bed.
A knock sounded on his door rousing a small startle from Levi. The towel slipped from his sodden hair as his head involuntarily rose to the noise.
“We’re all getting dinner, wan’na join?” Petra’s voice called from beyond the door. The thick wooden board muffled her words. After a few moments of unbearable silence, she rapped her fist against the woodgrain again, this time incessantly.
Could he ever consider himself lucky? Where Petra, Oluo, and Eld seemed to have the right sense about them to survive through an expedition, how long would they stay motivated to fight towards Erwin’s goal? How long before he added their badges to his collection? At that thought, something aligned within him. Levi sucked in a breath of air before gingerly closing the lid on the box. Restrapping it and sliding it back under the safety net of his box spring, Levi rose to his feet. Grabbing a fresh set of clothes, he tucked his ivory ascot carefully under his chin before opening the door to Petra’s relentless knocking. Giving her an icy glare, he sauntered into the hallway as Oluo and Eld parted ways for him. The bedroom door slammed closed with a loud bang.
“I suspect you’ve alerted half the regiment of our location, Ral. Would you like to invite them to dinner as well?”
“N-no,” she replied, taking a cautious step back, tucking her hands behind the small of her back. Eyes to the floor, she continued, “Sorry, captain.”
“Then let’s be on our way,” Levi replied, taking the lead as he always had. They followed without question and without reserves as they always had on the battlefield. Perhaps worrying about the what ifs was a waste of time and energy. Especially energy that could be more readily fastened on keeping the promise of tomorrow steadfast in the forefront of his mind. For all he knew, he’d die tomorrow. The future was a mystery that no one could predict. To live in fear was to die, and to continually fight for what he believed in was to survive. Because that’s what it meant to be a Scout; to carry the wings of freedom on their backs for those who’ve died, those who survive, and those too afraid to seize the future with their own hands.
A smile crept onto the corners of his lips. One day they’d find peace, and when that day came, he’d be ready to embrace it.
~
Rustling could be heard even throughout the storm. Levi turned his head impulsively toward the noise. Expecting the absolute worst, a wave of surprise washed over him as three bodies purposefully swung through the air before their ODM gear deposited them in front of Levi. He slowed his horse to greet them, a new light shimmering in his eyes.
“Levi Squad is here and ready for more, sir!” Oluo called as he slammed his fist against his chest in their form of salute. Levi couldn’t hide his surprised reaction as his eyes widened in shock. A mix of emotions besieged him to the point of silence. All three of the members of his Special Operations Squad had lived to fight another day and were emotionally prepared to continue to face whatever horrors they’d find in their path. His choice had been correct in trusting the handpicked soldiers. How long had it been since he felt the tightness constricting his chest lessen even if it was the slightest change? The sentiment moved mountains within him.
Clearing his throat, Levi nodded. “Call your horses. We’re heading for home.”
They cried out in unison without skipping a single beat. “Sir!”
Turning his head to the unrelenting skies, Levi momentarily let the juncture fully saturate throughout his body. They’d won. They’d lived to see another day. With each passing hour, the war with the titans was coming to an undetermined close and he could nearly taste their victory. Able to wield the proper weapons against their enemy had proven to work to the best of its ability. What this meant for the regiment was consequential, even Levi couldn’t fully grasp what effect it could have on humanity.
A small crack in the gray clouds revealed itself forcing Levi to squint at the illuminated sky. Turning his head back to the task at hand, he kicked his horse forward as Petra, Oluo, and Eld joined him. Quick to unite with the remaining members of the Scout Regiment, the four of them rode in formation anticipating the next attack. Levi briefly watched the broad shoulders of Commander Erwin bob in time to his horse’s gallop. It was all thanks to him they made forward progress during this expedition. Huffing away the mild thought that crossed his mind, he began to search for potential titans once more.
Though, whichever way he looked at it, the promise of tomorrow was looking much more auspicious than Levi could’ve ever hoped.