Archive of Our Own ^beta

A fire can only burn if there is air, therefore, what’s important when putting out a flame, is to deprive it of oxygen.

“Instructor Rean, is that true?” His thoughts snapped into two like a thin branch as he lost his train of thought. He had been unable to focus on things lately as his mind wandered off at the smallest of disturbances. Rean focused his eyes on the figure standing in front of him, his reading glasses sliding slightly down his nose. He looked at the person, it was Altina; Towa must have told her where he was. He slipped the black bookmark between the pages he was reading, closed the book and gave his full attention to Altina. The small girl stood in front of him, seemingly waiting for an answer to that ambiguous question. 

Rean’s hand held onto the cover of the book, there was a tense feeling in the room. He did not understand the question, perhaps it was because he did not hear the first part? “I don’t know about what you’re asking?” He took off his glasses, folded them neatly, and slipped it into his chest pocket. Altina stared down at him, and he had no clue what she wanted. 

“About Instructor Rean and Instructor Crow.” Altina stated, he raised an eyebrow, him and Crow? He did not recall anything happening between them. In fact, he did not even remember talking to Crow for the last two days. Crow had been busy grading test papers for both campuses and he had been busy filling out the financial paperwork he decided to split with Towa. They had not seen each other in a while, so whatever Altina was talking about must have happened some time before, but if it was a thing of the past, why would she bring it up now? Rean smiled awkwardly at Altina, she looked displeased with him. She could probably feel he had no clue what she was asking about. He admitted he was always a bit bad at decoding questions about his relationships.

“Musse said that you two are dating.” Rean slowly glanced at his book, then back at Altina. It was a little shocking to say the least. He did not expect Altina, of all people, to ask about his love life, Juna maybe, Musse definitely, but Altina was a complete surprise. He was at a loss for words for how to react or how to answer and could only stare at her, mouth slightly opened. What exactly was so interesting about him and Crow?

He looked down at his book again, the silver words of the title was printed onto the hard paper cover, The Basics of Fire . He mentally reminded himself he needed to tell Musse to stop teaching Altina about weird things.

Rean pried his eyes away from the cover and looked back at Altina. His lips pressed in a line, Altina had a point though, a worthy question to be asked. Are they, him and Crow, dating? He asked himself that question as he stared hard at the black hat on top of Altina’s head, he contemplated it. What a strange question to be asked. 

“No, we aren’t.” Rean shifted his glance to Altina. They were not dating, he should not have needed time to think about that question. The answer was simple. He and Crow were just friends, there was simply nothing romantic between them, never had been from the start. Altina nodded with an unsatisfied look, it was obvious she did not like his answer, but he had nothing more he could offer her because she will not understand his reasons anyway.

Altina received a call on her ARCUS soon after and Rean waved a small goodbye to her as she quickly left the small library. His eyes lingered on the open door for longer than necessary when he caught a glimpse of Crow walking by, holding a small stack of paper. Crow looked more tired than usual, and it made him wonder about how the other male was doing. Then again, they were both more tired than usual from the mountain of paperwork administration dumped onto them. 

He tilted his head to the side a little as Altina’s words echoed in his ears. Something felt off inside him, like a disturbance in his usual calmness, like a stone falling into water; a splash that causes a ripple. He could feel something that was not there previous being lit up inside him, a small seedling of fire that burned within his chest.

What exactly, was his relationship with Crow?

“Crow.” Rean managed to catch Crow in the cafeteria during their lunch break. He felt as if there was something he wanted to say. He took a seat across from Crow and placed the food platter on the table. Crow looked away from his salad and greeted him with a smile and Rean nodded as he started to poke his spoon at the rice omelet. He did not recall what they usually talk about during their shared lunches. It always felt like Crow was the one who would start the conversations between them and he would just go along with the flow, but Crow was not saying anything this time, and he felt as if he should be the one to start the conversation. 

Rean swallowed down a spoon full of omelet and watched Crow eat a piece of lettuce as he held onto a test. He had not seen Crow without a test for the last few days and a heavy feeling of regret built itself up within him. He felt guilty about only helping out Towa as he wished he had offered his help to Crow earlier, but it was too late now. There was a pressure on his chest, perhaps it was guilt or perhaps it was self-hatred. He could not really tell sometimes. 

“Crow.” He repeated Crow’s name again. He said the other’s name as if it was a question and waited for Crow as if he had an answer. Crow slid the paper onto the table and glanced up at him. 

“That’s my name.” Rean blinked as he had forgotten what he was going to say and could only stare. He swallowed his spit; it tasted like tomatoes and eggs. He knew he must look really stupid right now, even he did not know what he wanted from Crow. “Rean.” Crow called out to him, and his thoughts snapped again. Rean coughed awkwardly as he tried to reorganize his thoughts, he should not have lost his train of thought,

“Sorry, I was wondering if you were free tonight.” From the depths of his brain he remembered he wanted to go drinking with Crow, it had been a while after all. He watched as Crow’s neutral expression changed into surprise and his eyes flash a dangerous red. He had seen this happen before all too many times to not know Crow was thinking up some weird ideas. 

“Oh, are you planning on taking me on a date?” Crow grinned and Rean stared at him dumbfounded. It took a solid minute for his mind to click into place, and he began to flush a deep red. He could feel his face and ears heating up; the words that came out of his mouth in protest were nothing but complete nonsense. He fumbled with the spoon and it slipped out his hand and dropped straight onto the half-eaten plate of omelet. The sound the spoon made as it hits the plate added nothing but more panic to his already lost composure. Rean knew he was completely flustered as he felt his face burning and vision spinning. The expression of joy on Crow’s face was similar to that of a child’s and his laughter rang in his ears.

It took Rean a few seconds to gather himself. He coughed to clear his throat and sighed, “I was just planning on drinking with you. Whatever you call that is up to you.” He picked up his spoon again and continued to eat. Despite all that, he could feel the atmosphere was a lot lighter than before, his thoughts flowed more naturally to him. 

Rean watched as Crow picked up the piece of paper on the table and waved it around before placing it down again. “In all seriousness, I can't. I still have a few more papers to go through.” Crow shook his head as he jabbed his fork into the small tomato and placed it into his mouth, it was the last of his salad. ”But I’ll gladly drink with you after the grades are out in a few days.” Crow placed his fork down on the platter, the sound of metal hitting ceramic echoed in the large empty cafeteria. Rean swallowed as he watched Crow wipe his mouth with a napkin, then crumpled it up into a ball. He licked his lips as they felt more dry than usual. 

Crow did not immediately get up and leave since lunch break did not end in another ten minutes. They chatted about the performances of the students for a short while before Rean decided to ask Crow about how his magic eye is doing. He knew even though Crow was completely human now he still managed to retain his magic eyes, and he worried about them acting up. Crow waved his hand nonchalantly and assured him his eyes were fine. 

They set a comfortable atmosphere with him slowly eating and Crow grading papers. Crow seemingly noticed something and glanced up from his test and reached across the table. Rean watched as Crow’s gloved fingers moved closer to his face, to his mouth, to his lips. He held himself back from flinching. He wanted to say something, to ask Crow what he was doing, but his body did not obey his mind and he was left paralyzed and speechless. He watched as Crow plucked a piece of rice off his face and placed it inside his crumpled napkin. 

“Eat more carefully next time.” Crow chuckled as he got up from the chair and gave him a good pat on the shoulder. “Lunch break for me is over, but I’ll look forward to our drinking session next week.” Crow waved his hand without turning around. Rean gaze lingered on Crow’s back, shocked and shaken up on the inside. The sound of his heart pounding is loud to his ears.

It burned. The places Crow touched burned like a fresh wound, a searing pain that lingered and scared. Rean felt as if his shoulder was on fire, the heat from the momentary touch had not left and he was left dumbfounded. The spot on his lip Crow touched was hot, and he does not know what to do with this feeling; that seedling of fire was growing and budding into something strange. He had never felt like this before. Physical contact has never left him this weak and his body had never been this sensitive, and it scared him. Through his time in the civil war, the black workshop, and the world war, he had never felt this sensation. He did not feel powerless or emotionally unstable, it was something different. It made his heart beat faster, his hands shake, his breath heavy. Crow’s flirtatious words had never bothered him this much. His mind spiral deeper into a combination of self-doubt and fear, was something happening to him? Is he sick?

Was he truly just friends with Crow?

Rean did not know why he was at Ricette instead of Barneys for dinner. He knew a cafe was not the best place to find filling food, but he could manage, the food at Ricette was good after all. He sat at the counter, ready to grab a menu.

“Oh Rean, you’re here for dinner tonight? What an unusual sight!” Lisa greeted him. He paused from his motion and nodded. Something was stopping him from going to Barneys, he knew the reason, he just did not want to admit it. 

“I wanted to try something new today.” Rean smiled, it was not a lie. Even though he wanted something new, he did not know what was on the menu, he had never flipped passed the drinks section. “Do you have any recommendations?” He was not a picky eater, so he planned to eat whatever Lisa recommended to him. It was easier than picking something by himself. 

“Hm, I know Instructor Crow likes the fish meal. Perhaps you would like it too?” Lisa commented. She placed her hand on his cheek.

Rean nodded, “I’ll have that then.” Lisa turned around to start preparing the meal. He stared at the wall in front of him as he realized he had some time to think about things by himself, but he did not know what exactly he should prioritize in solving. There were too many problems for him to zone in one thing, but the most troublesome of them all would probably be his emotional conflicts concerning his fellow coworker. 

“Ah, its Instructor Rean!” Rean turned around to look at who was talking to him, it took a moment for him to focus from being dazed. It was Musse who called out to him from the opened door. Following behind her was Crow, who was being dragged in by his left arm into the cafe, Rean’s  eyes landed on where Musse was holding onto Crow’s arm. She was usually never this physical with other people, but that feeling from earlier came back. It was back again, the clawing feeling that clutched at his heart. He knew he had to swallow it down and ignore it, but it did not like staying silent.

Musse dragged the other instructor to the counter seats and stood in front of Rean, “The other Instructors are celebrating at Barneys you know.” She patted her skirt and took a seat to his right and forced Crow to sit next to her. Musse smiled and tugged on Crow’s left arm, who groaned from the pain and turned his body to face her. “Have you heard, Instructor Rean?” She asked, he hadn’t.

Rean smiled at her and glanced over to Crow, who was awkwardly looking back at him. “What happened?” Judging from the look on Crow’s face and his compliance with Musse’s actions, he could tell Crow probably lost a bet and was paying the price for it. “Did he lose a bet with you?” He added before turning back to thank Lisa, who slid the meal in front of him on the table. 

“Well, yes, but that’s not what I’m here to report. You know Instructor Crow losing a bet is nothing uncommon after all.” Musse giggled as she covered her mouth with her hand. Rean could hear Crow protesting in the background, but they both decided to ignore him. Since Lisa was back from the stove Musse and Crow both took this opportunity to order their own dinner. “Since Instructor Crow lost a bet, he has to go on a date with Vita.” Crow protested in the background some more, but he was promptly cut off by Musse. “But since Vita is busy, Emma was asked to substitute in for her.” 

Rean’s fork clashed with the plate as it slipped on the side of the fish. He knew Musse was trying to get him to lose his composure for some strange reason, the teasing tone and the sly hidden meaning in her words was something he could always feel but never understood. He was never able to see the game board like Musse does, he was never good at reading between the lines when it came to personal interactions. Musse clearly wanted some sort of reaction from him. “And?” Rean looked at Crow, then looked at Musse. He felt sorry for Crow, but when it comes to betting, Crow definitely deserved the punishment. 

“Are you not jealous that Instructor Crow gets to date a beauty such a Emma?“ Musse asked, she was implying something about Emma; he got that feeling. He squinted at Musse and shook his head. He never saw Emma as anything more than a friend. While Emma was beautiful, he never had much desire to start a romantic relationship with her. “If you don’t chase after her, Emma will be taken away by Instructor Crow you know!“ Musse cut him off before he could say anything, there was genuine concern in her voice. She moved towards him tugged on Crow’s arm. Rean could tell she was planning something, but he really had no interest in Emma.  

“Hey! I told you I’m not interested in her!” Crow complained, he sounded desperate. Crow struggled against Musse’s hold, but failed to wiggle free. Ever since he escaped her hold during the feast, Rean knew Musse had been practicing her skills at holding down people’s arms. She had gotten so good at grabbing and holding people that he had to remain at least two arm distances away from her at all times to be safe. Musse’s grip had become like that of a snake’s, once someone was trapped, they would never be able to get out unless Musse allowed them. “Musse, please, my arm.” Crow cried. 

“Eh? I thought Instructor Crow was very into large breasts?” Musse turned around and stared at Crow. To be asked such a question in a public space would definitely be embarrassing, but it was probably different for Crow.

Crow sighed and glanced over at him, and he returned Crow’s gaze for a moment before continuing to eat. “Yea, I like them?” Rean listened as he chewed on the fish and glanced to the side at Crow, who looked as if he was thinking about how to answer. “But, I mean, just because I like large breasts doesn’t mean I want to date any person that has them.“ Crow tilted his head to the side and rubbed his chin. “Like a painting, you can admire it and stuff, but that doesn’t mean I want to buy it.” He nodded at his words, he looked awfully proud. “A man has his tastes after all.”

Rean made a face at Crow, he wanted to say something but Musse cut in front of him first. “That sounds extremely gross, Instructor, please don’t ever say that again.” While Rean could not see the expression Musse was making, she was obviously not too pleased with what Crow said, coming from Crow, the comparison gave off a dirty feeling. “But, pray tell, what is Instructor Crow’s type?”

Picking off the last bit of meat off the fish, Rean placed his fork and mira down on the table for Lisa to collect. He did not want to continue to listen to Musse and Crow banter on about relationships. The topic of dating never made him feel comfortable. When he was young, he was never interested in his classmates. Even though he cared deeply about everyone, he had never wanted a romantic relationship with them. He enjoyed being in the company of his friends, they all stood on even grounds and no one was elevated above another. 

During peak of the curse he did not feel comfortable picking a female companion. That night in Mishelam, he was too unsure to pick somebody. He was certain he was going to die. He thought about how it would be unfair to his partner for him to date them just for one single night before leaving them forever, so he spent the night drinking with Crow in their room.

Rean remembered that night clearly. He remembered staring at the whiskey glass Crow held up and swirled around with his fingers. The sensation of a light fog of alcohol that dulled his senses just enough for him to forget he was dying the next day. The casual conversation he and Crow made. They talked about everything from cooking to gambling, all while avoiding the topic of tomorrow, because for them, tomorrow was the end. He felt as if he genuinely had a connection with Crow that night, but in the end, it added up to nothing.

Thinking back on it, what did he want it to add up to anyway? 

“I should get going now…” Rean took a sip from a cup of water Lisa gave him earlier.

Who Crow dates is none of his business.

He was sick of dancing around that word, the word that had been on his mind the whole day. Rean did not want to say it. He knew he was not completely stupid when it came to the subject of emotions, no matter how much he denied it. Even if he were to say that he had trouble decoding the actions of others that did not mean that he did not understand himself.

Musse was right. He was jealous. He was terribly jealous of the people around them. He was jealous of Musse, of Vita, of Emma. He was jealous because unlike them, he had no right to be close to Crow anymore.  

Ever since the <Twilight> ended he started to feel the distance between him and Crow grow; he always felt as if he was lagging a few steps behind Crow. Crow, who learned to continue moving forward, and him, who was good at trailing behind, were not compatible. It had gotten to the point where he could no longer see Crow’s back anymore. Rean knew he was just following Crow footsteps now, ones that could easily be washed away with the rain. He did not know anything about Crow anymore. 

It was different back then. During that time, he felt an emotional connection with Crow, he could always tell what Crow was thinking just by looking at him. He knew those feelings because Crow was connected Valimar, but it was not only because of that, there was a physical connection as well. He knew what Crow wanted to do, he could predict what would happen next, it was different then, so much different. He knew Crow would have his back during combat fights and support him when he was piloting Valimar, but that was no longer necessary. The war, their divine knights, their connection as awakeners, had long since disappeared. His connection to Crow was gone, the reason they met in the first place was gone. He had lost Crow. Crow, the free-spirited soul, should not be bound here. He deserves to see the world, to travel and to help others like him, and Rean knew, he knew from a long time ago, that Crow did not need him by his side. He had nothing to offer Crow, and Crow does not need him like he needed Crow. That was the harsh reality he had to accept.

He felt himself burning away because of that jealousy. To be jealous would be to acknowledge differences, to want to find characteristics of superiority, and he did not consider himself to be such a fickle person. He had no right to be jealous because someone no longer wanted to spend time with him or care for him. The fact that he even had such thought made him nauseous. He wanted to burn these feelings into nothing but ashes and start anew. He wallowed in his self-doubt, his incompetence, his inferiority. These feelings were dangerous, it must be put out immediately, or else he would only spiral deeper into uncertainty, into self-hatred. 

Rean knew Crow would never look at him, and that pain drained away at him. It chipped away the bits and pieces of self-confidence he had built up over the years. An unhealthy emotion that had to be stopped. For once, he realized he was truly alone in this struggle, and he did not know what to do. 

He wished to be born female. To have a pair of breasts, long legs, and a petite body. But he knew this wish of his was nothing more than a wish. He was a man, his hands are rough, his shoulders are board, and his body is well built; he was not something beautiful, he was not something sexy. When comparing himself to Vita or Emma, Rean knew Crow will pick the latter every time. Vita is beautiful, intelligent, lovely; she had a stronger connection to Crow than he does, he is nothing when compared to a star like her. Just like how a bland ugly carp can never compare itself with a magnificent dragon. Emma too, is beautiful and intelligent, but not only that, she is polite and caring, Crow connection to her was just as strong. The bond between a witch and an awakener is strong and may never be broken. While he could not imagine Crow picking Emma, he admits they would look nice together. Unlike them, Crow would never pause and look at him, Crow would never chase after him like he would with those beauties.

That was the cold hard truth that must be accepted. Rean smiled at Musse and then Crow, who was talking about the best ‘type.’ He wanted to leave. There was no space for him here, it would be best if he just let Crow and Musse talk by themselves. 

“I’m heading back for the night. You guys have fun.” He headed to the door, but paused for a moment, “And Musse, don’t tease the adults too much.” Rean gave the two a weak smile and closed the door behind him. 

He had to move forward before Crow abandons him. 

“Like I said, something would be different today.” Musse curled a strand of her mint green hand on her index finger, her lips curved up into a sly smile. “Perhaps Instructor Rean was able to grow some semblance of self-awareness.” Crow sighed, he always gotten into trouble whenever he involved himself in Musse. Maybe it would be better if he just avoided her at all times.

“Stop playing with adults…” He shook his head, the expression Rean showed remained fresh in his mind. A smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, he knew that expression well. He’s been seeing it more and more often ever since they both survived the war. It was a face of longing for the past, seeking out something which no longer existed. Crow suspected Rean doesn’t show that expression to others often, as he had a tendency of bottling everything up. That expression was a small glimpse into the heart of a person that struggled over the smallest of things. It must’ve been something he had done that Rean was dissatisfied with. Crow doesn’t know what Rean was longing for within him that is no longer there. “Meddling other people’s business will never end well.”

Musse covered her mouth and giggled, “Hmm… I wonder who was the one that decided to shoot the prime minister, instead of minding his own business?” He choked on his drink, this girl, she really knew the words that hurt him the most. “Anyway, I'll give you some advice.” Musse mouthed each syllable of the word advice, this probably won't end up being anything good. 

“Normal people.” She started, she said the words as if it didn't apply to her at all. “Needs certain things in their life.” Musse paused as she swirled her spoon inside the cup of tea that was just brought to her. “ Things like assurance and intimacy.” She took a sip of her tea. “And perhaps the most important, communication.” She placed the china cup back onto the plate and smiled at him. “Remember my words, Instructor Crow.”

“Rean!” He turned around to the voices calling out to him. He looked down at his hands, his vision was blurry as he could not see anything but a wall of green underneath him. Where was this, how did he get here? Rean focused his eyes on the blurry figures that surrounded him, his head felt like it was going to split open from a sharp pain. “Rean, are you ok!?” It was a girl’s voice, someone was standing next to him, someone was holding onto his right arm. He clutched the left side of his head with his free hand, as he tried to suppress the headache, as the pain pulsed inside his head. “Here, have a seat.” He allowed himself to get dragged by the blurry figure somewhere and took a seat on what looked like a plastic white chair. He closed his eyes, trying to figure out how he got here. 

Rean took a few deep breaths and rubbed his temples, when he opened them again his vision was perfectly clear and his headache was gone… what was happening? The space around him felt distorted, his body had no weight and his steps felt light. It felt as if… this was some sort of alternative space-time? Something was off about this place, but he could not identify the exact reason, a strange feeling of the unfamiliar. He turned to the figure that helped him, it was Alisa, she was wearing the dress she wore to Prince Olivert’s wedding, was he at another wedding? Who? Whose wedding was he at? “Alisa?” He asked, unsure, he did not feel attached to this space. 

Alisa looked at him and nodded, “Are you ok? You drank so much last night after all...” She reached up to his bangs and brushed them behind his ear. They must have gotten messed up when he struggled over to the chair. Rean stared at her as her soft delicate fingers brushed against the side of his head, had they always been this intimate? Was this the Alisa of this space?  

“Whose wedding is this?” He asked as Alisa fixed his tie, she tighten the top and brushed some dust off his collar. He thanked her and got up from the chair and looked around at the people around him, most of the people from the campus was here. From where he was standing Rean could see the rest of old Class VII chatting at one table, new Class VII was gathered around another, and spread around the decorated courtyard was a mixture of people from Thors and other acquaintances and friends. This was nowhere as lavish the Prince’s wedding but it was still gorgeous. 

Rean flinched when Alisa grabbed onto his right arm again, and hooked her left arm around him. “Rean, what are you talking about? Its **’s wedding! I told you, you shouldn’t have drank so much last night!” Who? When Alisa said the name, something was blocking him out from hearing it, as if the space itself was bending to prevent him from hearing. He looked at Alisa, confused, he could not hear it. Something was distorting in this space… it felt staged, as he could not see the others move? Something was wrong, a dreadful feeling filled his guts. 

Alisa sighed and shook her head, “That alcohol really did numbers on you didn't it, Rean? Its **’s and Vita’s wedding!” 

Vita. Vita Clotilde. Azure Abyss. 

If was Vita’s wedding, then who was Vita marrying? 

Who? Rean clawed at the side of his head, it hurts, it hurts so much...

Who? The pain to his head and the nauseousness of his gut made him want to vomit. 

Who? He slipped his arm out of Alisa’s grasp and fell to the grass, knees sinking onto the grass. He wanted to scream, but his voice could not leave his throat and he retched.

Someone with a connection to her. Someone that knew her well. Someone related to the witches. Someone that spent more than five years with her. Someone that he knew. Someone with gray hair and red eyes. Someone that he had been chasing for more than two years. Someone.

“Rean?” He gagged, this voice, he knew this voice. It was the voice of someone he had been trying to forget. “What are you doing in the grass?” Someone precious to him. “C’mon, it’s my wedding!” Someone he could not afford to lose. “Can’t have my best man’s suit getting dirty.” Someone he had once loved. “Here, let me help you up.” Someone he still… No.

Rean reached out for the hand offered to him. He could not see the face of the person standing in front of him as it was blurred in black. This person was the main reason for the distortion in this space, but he knew who this was even without seeing his face. He knew the warmth of that hand, he knew the touch of those fingertips, he knew the callouses which rested on that palm. 

“Crow.” Rean said, as he stood up and watched as Alisa walked away to talk to Laura. What kind of expression did he have right now? What kind of expression does Crow have right now? “I-“ 

The words died in his throat. Even if he cannot, even if it hurts, even if he wanted to cry, even if he wanted to be the one next to Crow. He can no longer be selfish, he had no right to cling onto Crow. If the world could offer one person to him, just one single being, the one and only person he had no right to pick was Crow. Crow, who had connections to him deeper than ocean, was something forever unattainable to him. 

He had caused far too much pain for Crow already. It was because of him Jurai got destroyed, it was because of him Crow died, it was because of him Crow was forced to keep going long after his death. He killed Crow once, and once... was more than enough. Everything was his fault. He had no merit to take this great happiness away from Crow. He had no merit to ruin this moment Crow worked so hard for, he owed Crow too much, far too much for him to demand anything else. Watching Crow obtain happiness was enough for him, yes, that was more than enough.

Rean looked at Crow’s blurry face. “I-” he tried again, he had to do it. He must say it, as this was the final moment. He had to kill it. Kill his cowardliness, kill his tears, kill his emotions, kill his heart.

“Oh wait, Rean.” Crow’s voice made him hesitate, and he immediately silenced himself. Crow’s hand shuffled around his blue suit and he pulled out a small blue box. He did not need to open the box to know what was inside. It was something he had given Crow long ago. “Vita said I should return this, it would be weird for a married man to wear the ring of another right?” Crow laughed awkwardly as Rean took the box away from him.

Yes, that would be weird, would it not? He clutched the box within his palm, his nails digging into the soft fabric. It would be weird, of course it would. Why did he not think of that when he accepted the invitation? Why did he agree to be Crow’s best man? He wanted to leave. What was the point of him being here?

Crow moved closer to him as he pressed his left hand onto the side of Rean’s cheek, “After me and Vita gets married” Rean swallowed, he could feel his eyes started to water, he was not crying these tears for Crow, these tears are nothing but a shameful display from him. “I’ll look forward to you and Alisa getting married. I don’t expect anything less than extravagant from the legendary Ashen Chevalier, ok?”

Was Crow smiling at him? Was he truly happy? Did he truly mean these words? Rean froze where he stood, his feet planted to the ground. 

“Of course.” He could feel the warm tears roll down his face, his selfish, pathetic tears. The tears of his pained heart, the tears that will wash away all these memories, the tears that will finally severe the strings that tied him and Crow together.

“I wish you nothing but happiness.” He forced a smile onto himself. He wiped away the tears on his face. This was the end of it all. After this, they will each go their separate paths. 

The space around him crumbled away slowly as Crow turned around and greeted Vita who had walked over earlier. 

“Oh my.” Vita smiled and she covered her lips with her fan, she was beautiful. Rean can not help but stare at her brilliant blue dress, one which was more glamorous and opulent than her normal one.

“Is this the ending you truly wish for?”

No. Of course not... but it was a path he had to accept. A future destined to happen if nothing changed. 

“Yes... as long as Crow was happy.” 

The surroundings fade away until there was nothing left except him and Vita. She giggled at him from behind her fan. This reality ended with a snap of her finger. “Liar.”

Rean’s eyes snapped open as he scrambled awake on his bed, his felt himself sweating. The tears from his dream could not stop as they rolled down his face and dripped into the blanket. He felt as if he had woken up from a long nightmare, a nightmare so real, he momentarily lost track of himself. He had forgotten what he dreamt about, but he remembered the last thoughts that occurred to him.

He was not a liar because Crow’s happiness was his happiness.  

He did not sleep well last night, so Rean was not all too surprised he managed to slip and dive headfirst into the pool while cleaning it. The water in the pool was changed on a bimonthly basis due to frequently use, and he was tasked with pool duties for this session. He was originally not the one meant to clean the pool, but since Crow and Towa just finished their paperwork, it would be unfair if he had let them clean up the pool too. Therefore, he took it upon himself to substitute in for them so they did not have to wake up early to do cleaning. As he scrubbed the floor he slipped on the soapy water at the corner of the deeper end of the pool, and dove straight in while wearing his white dress shirt and rolled up pants. 

The water was cold, and it enveloped him as he sank deeper in, but he did not struggle against it. He had taken a breath before entering so he was not lacking air, but he did not particularly want to to leave the pool. The silence was calming, and it gave him some much needed peace of mind. The gentle ebbing and flowing of the water felt nice, and Rean lets himself fall deeper and deeper until he reached the bottom. His hands touching the cold white tiles. He wondered if being here will allow that fire building inside his heart to be put out, the water would drown him, along with any feelings he has along with it. A logical but senseless solution that would not solve anything. 

Rean rested at the bottom of the pool and he wanted to stay there. His brain was no longer telling him he was not worthy, and his heart was no longer jealous of others, he felt like himself again. Perhaps if he stayed like this, he can kill his heart, to make it cold, to smother that flame and freeze that beating organ. He stared at the tiles covering the bottom of the pool, he was glad he decided not to drain the pool beforehand because he would be horribly injured from the fall. 

It was getting harder to breathe, and small air bubbles started to escape his lips, he knew he had to head up for air soon. He did not want to drown in the school pool. 

Rean closed his eyes for a moment before deciding to head back up, but he felt a strong grip around his waist, and he gasped. The water flowed into his mouth and flooded his lungs. He struggled as he was choking in water, and it hurt more than expected. He felt himself getting pulled up from the bottom of the pool and onto the pool side. He placed his arms at the side of the pool and started to cough up the water that filled his lungs. Rean weakly pulled himself out of the pool and sat on the wet tiles, he could not stop coughing, and the pain was stopping him from opening his eyes. He gasped and panted, his desire to vomit was rising. 

“What are you doing!?” He could barely hear anything as he coughed a few more times. It took some time before he could catch his breath and open his eyes. Crow was sitting in front of him, his ARCUS was on the floor as he was wringing the water out of his black instructor’s coat. He could guess Crow must have dove into the water thinking he was drowning. Crow’s expression was cold, the tone of his voice was deep, and his eyes are more narrow than usual, Rean could tell Crow was angry, he was serious. Crow stared at him, he was waiting for an answer, and Rean cannot answer him, because not even he knew what he was doing.

He was conflicted as he was split somewhere between lying or telling the truth, the former would be easier, but the latter would be better. He struggled to put the words in his mind into his mouth, there was a disconnect somewhere. Rean looked at Crow, who was completely soaked. Crow must have jumped without taking off any of his clothes, as his coat, shirt, pants, and shoes were all wet. Rean averted his gaze to a random tile, he wanted Crow to leave. “I was cleaning the pool.” He coughed again and the last of the water in his lungs finally came out and he could breathe better. “I just slipped, that’s all.”

Maybe it was because Crow knew him too well, or he was bad at hiding his feelings, but he could tell Crow was not buying his story, even though it was true. “I called out to you several times.” Crow said, he straightened his coat and placed it to the side, then shrugged off his vest. “What’s wrong with you, you’ve been acting weird since yesterday.”

Rean shook his head, ”I’m fine, I just couldn’t hear you under the water.” That was a lie. It was not because he could not hear Crow underwater, but rather it was because he was not focused on anything at all. He knew his senses were sharper than this, and Crow will definitely call him out on it. He was a master level swordsman, and it would be a shame to his master if he could not sense someone in the same room as him even if he was in the water. Rean stared down at the tiles, he had to get up and keep cleaning. 

He started to get up from the floor but Crow placed his vest down and grabbed his wrist. “Are you angry?” Crow was concerned about him and just for a small moment it made him feel happy, even though he should not have. Crow’s concern for him was nothing more than casual care for a friend, and he had to accept that, or he would only live off of the misunderstandings he created in his head. Rean removed Crow’s arm from his wrist and turned around. He walked to grab the brush he dropped earlier when he fell into the pool. He could hear the sound of Crow getting up and water hitting the floor. The dripping of water came to a slow stop, and Rean held onto the brush and shook his head. He was not angry, he was just depressed.

“I can’t read your mind you know.” The echoes of Crow’s footsteps bounced off the walls of the room, it was loud and he could do nothing but focus on that. “I won’t know things that you don’t tell me.” The footsteps stopped just behind him and Rean did not want to turn around, he knew what Crow was going to say, and he did not want him to say it. “Why do you seem so hurt?” He did not want to hear it; Crow did not need to know.

Rean smiled, the world is always so cruel. Even if Crow said he did not know how he felt, he can always hit the mark. That was what makes them so different, because right now, in this moment right here, he did not have an inkling of a clue of how Crow was feeling. Was Crow pitying him? Or was he disappointed? Was he worthy of Crow’s pity? He knew he was taking advantage of Crow’s kindness, because he had nothing he could offer Crow. It was always Crow who looked after him, he was always the one that caused trouble. 

“This has nothing to do with you, so don’t worry about it.” A lie. One after another, lie after lie, Rean want to dilute these feelings with fallacies. He wanted to be at the point where even he could not tell if he was lying. He looked down on the ground, he did not want to look at Crow’s face, he kept his back to Crow and kept scrubbing at the floor. It was better this way.

The room went quiet as Rean slowly cleaned the rest of the floor; it did not take long before he was done. He glanced at Crow, who was now casually sitting on the bench leaning back. Was Crow scared he would fall again? He drained the pool and did not ask, because it did not matter. He watched the water swirl to the bottom, down the large drain, and disappear from his sight. He wanted to be like that.

“What if I asked you not to go on the date.“

Crow looked up, he had been twisting the water out his blue vest. Why did it matter to Rean if he went on the date or not? He placed the mostly dry piece of garment on the steel bench. He thought for a moment on what his answer should be, but it really didn’t matter to him if he went on the date or not. Him and Emma would probably meet up in the morning, grab lunch, then walk around and chat about life for a bit before he would send her off at the train station. To him it would be just like a regular day, but except with a friend.

“Eh, Why?” Crow asked, he pulled the blue sweater and white shirt off his body. The heaviness of the water felt disgusting to his skin and he felt like he can breathe better now that he’s taken off his clothes. Rean didn’t reply to his question so he waited a bit longer as he began wringing out the water from his sweater and shirt.

The sound of water splattering on the floor and scrubbing of wooden brush filled the spacious room. It made Crow not want to talk, he closed his eyes. It offers a different kind of peace, something mundane and pure. Even if the life he was living now was nothing as exciting and dangerous as his old one, he liked this new setting. It was mellow, and he was allowed to go at his own pace. If he was bored, he could go and become a bracer for a while, or just travel around the continent, but maybe this slow life was exactly what he needed. A place to call home, somewhere not ridden with war and conflict. A fragment of his past in Jurai before it was ruined. This was enough to make him satisfied. “I don't see anything wrong with going?” Crow muttered, his lips forming a thin smile. “Oh yea, I didn't think I had to tell you, but Vita said she was free, so I’ll be spending the day with her instead.” The sound of scrubbing stopped and he opened his eyes to look at what stopped Rean. “I won’t be hanging out with Emma, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Rean turned around, still holding the brush. The words that came out of Rean’s mouth are nothing but a soft whisper, and he couldn’t hear it. “What?” Crow asked and stared at up Rean, who was looking back at him. It was that expression again, the same one he saw the previous night; Rean looked as if he was in so much pain. He did not know what it means but it’s something important. Like an important split path, he could feel if he made the wrong move, something will be destroyed, something will go horribly wrong. A strange feeling boiled in his guts, why did this date mean so much to Rean? He didn’t speak, because he knew if he did Rean will retreat back into that hole he dug for himself. He had learned to deal with this push pull relationship with Rean. 

“What if I told you.” Crow listened. Something important will happen today, Musse had told him when he left the dormitory this morning. She told him whatever happens will be shaped by his choices, the pieces of the game board has already been set, and all he needed to do was watch and play. The sound of water dripping came to a slow stop.

“I like you.” Crow stared at Rean like a deer facing headlight. Rather than moving a piece of the game board, he felt like Rean just flipped the whole thing over. The momentary shock left him speechless. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, he was unable to respond. Rean looked at him for no longer than a minute and ran.

He knew he messed up as he ran his hands down his face. He didn’t intend for it to be like this.

Rean ran, he ran as if his life depended on it as he bolted out the main gate of the school. He ran past the students, through the narrow path and into Milstante. Beyond, the gate, left at the split path, into Avon Hills and through there, to the teleportation stone. He wanted to go to Elin. He wanted to be at a place where Crow could not find him, he wanted to be alone for a day or two to gather the bits and pieces of himself that had broken. Rean knew if he could sleep this off, tomorrow will be a brighter day where the tiny lick of flame left within his chest will be put out once and for all. He knew he had burned through all of himself and there was nothing left, so all that was left was for a gentle gust of wind to put an end to it all. 

He was familiar with traveling this path with his students and classmates. It did not take long for him to reach the village, where he was greeted by Roselia, she was probably displeased with him since he barged into the village without giving a prior warning. “Please.” Roselia crossed her arms and huffed, she looked and acted like a child despite her age. Rean quite often forgot she was actually quite old. 

“I’ll bring you a bag of chips next time?” Bribery was always an easy answer. Roselia’s unwavering stance softened and her eyes shone for a moment before she snapped out of it, she coughed. She was trying to hide her exciting. Rean faked a smile at her, he could not deal with these feelings right now, but he could tell she really wanted the chips.

“Emma will get angry at me if I do not allow her classmate in.” Roselia sighed and shook her head, “You may take the bedroom on the second floor, I am sure you know where it is.” He thanked her and headed in. 

Rean had called Towa beforehand telling her he would not be in school for the next two days. He apologized over and over for asking for days off on such a short notice, but he told her he needed to do some time to himself before he can head back. Towa thankfully agreed to his selfish request, and he managed to get a two-day break at Elin. He spent the rest of the afternoon soaking in the hot spring while his clothes got cleaned. 

Rean could feel physical fatigue leaving his body from being in the hot spring, but he was still tired. Mental fatigue was not something that can be healed so easily. The spring smelled of the flowers that surround the village, and it helped him relax, but that feeling was still lingering in his chest. It refused to leave. He sat for a short while before Roselia joined him. She silently entered and sat down next to him, leaning against the edge of the spring. 

“Rean Schwarzer, you are experiencing mental distress.” Roselia was sharp despite her look, her experience showed at times like this. Rean chuckled, as he stared at the rock. He could tell there was something else she wanted to say, so he waited for the rest of her comment. “You running away from him will do no good, a confession means nothing if you do not await an answer.” She knew, he should not be surprised Roselia knew. She had the ability to see anything she wanted to but, it still surprised him. He turned to her and raised an eyebrow, a bit of privacy would be nice. Roselia puffed out her chest and shook her head. “Relationships are never one-sided things, give and take, an agreement between two people.”

Rean felt the sweat forming on his forehead due to the heat. Roselia drew small circles with her finger on the water, her eyes were opened, she was watching his reaction. Her pupils were sharp, it looked as if those eyes could see into his mind. “I have nothing to offer.” Roselia flicked her finger and the water splashed over his face. He wiped it off with his hand and returned her a small smile. “But I’m sure he wants us to be just friends.” The girl across from him clicked her tongue, her expression still unchanging, she looked extremely annoyed at him.

“Even though you learned to read the atmosphere,” Roselia paused, “to some degree” she mumbled to herself as she tilted her head. “You have zero self-esteem.” She walked over and pressed her index finger at the center of his chest, she was losing her usual composure. Rean got pushed back by her strength. “Kids these days are so complicated,” Roselia mumbled. “Can you guys just be honest with each other?” She rolled her eyes. Even though she said it in a low volume, Rean could hear her just fine. 

“Then tell me, why did you confess if you knew the azure boy will decline.” She poked at his chest over and over. Rean could only see the top of Roselia’s head, she did not wear a hair towel, so her hair was spreading itself around in the water. He watched her long blonde hair float and move along the water. The jabbing pain continued on his chest.

“Some things must be resolved before one can move on.” Rean imitated her words. It was a straightforward answer, he placed his hand on Roselia’s wrist to stop her from hitting him. Roselia took a step back and shook her head, as if saying he was incorrect. 

“Then where is your resolution? You did not give the boy a chance to answer.“ She flipped a large amount of her hair back and water splashed all over the place. Roselia grins, her long canines showing. “While your emotions are the center of your conflicts, they are also clouding your judgement. You know the azure boy more than anyone here, yet you refuse to admit it.” She crossed her arms, looking really proud of herself. ”You, who have the greatest emotional connection to him, should know his answer, you should know his reasons. Yet you pretend like you do not.“ Roselina turned around and climbed out the hot spring. ”Well, I am not one to tell you what to do but you are hurting him as much as you are hurting yourself.” She wiped the water off her arms and walked to the changing room. “Relationship advice is not my specialty, Arianrhod was always better on this aspect...” She made one last comment before leaving.

Rean stared at Roselia as she left. He sighed, she was rarely wrong and he is left to figure out the pieces of this riddle she has left behind.

He was not pretending anything.

Rean caught a severe fever that night and ended up being too sick to move the next day. He lied down on the bed, feeling defeated. It must have been a combination of getting completely soaked in the pool and taking the long sprint from Leeves to Elin. His head was spinning, and he could barely focus on the ceiling above him. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

“Wow, you sure do know what I like.” Crow whistled, surprised, as Rean dropped the open blue box onto his palm. Rean nodded, he scratched his cheeks gently, and looked away. It felt weird to be giving away a ring, but he decided to and he was not going to back down. 

“I thought it would be something you like, so I decided to buy one.“ He saw the ring outside the store at Saint-Ark and the design caught his eye. A silver decorative ring with a wolf’s head embed on the front, it felt like Crow. A silver free-spirited wolf, wild and dignified, something regal. From the first moment he caught a glimpse of the ring, he knew this item belonged to Crow, he must have it. Rean watched as Crow plucked the ring out the box and rotated it around, seemingly checking out the design. At that moment, the thought hit him, perhaps the ring did not fit Crow?

Crow ran his gloved thumb along the side of the silver ring and hummed. He pulled off his left glove and slipped it on his ring finger. 

“It fits my ring finger perfectly?” Crow looked at him dumbfounded, but he could not really tell if it was a question or a statement. It sounded like a mixture of both. “Did you measure my fingers while I was sleeping or something?“ Crow gasped and showed a surprised reaction, his hand covering his mouth, Rean could tell it was exaggerated. 

“No?“ He sighed and shook his head. He refuses to tell the other male he got that estimate based on the amount of times he spent staring at Crow’s hands.

Crow closed his left hand and opened it again, “Not a bad feeling.” He muttered to himself and then looked up at him. “Thanks, Rean, but, I guess this is another debt you’re putting on my tab.” Crow smiled, and Rean can feel his heart race, his face getting hot. 

“It’s fine, I’m just glad you’re here.” He returned Crow’s smile and they casually bumped fists. 

Rean remembered he had to change the orbments on Valimar. He bid a short farewell to Crow and prepared to head to the first floor. 

“Rean.” Rean paused on his track and turned around to look at Crow. “I’ll stay... for as long as you need me to.” He cracked a small smile and left. “Me too, partner.” Crow was gentle, and he did not know how to return this feeling.

Rean felt a hand on his shoulder gently shaking him, it woke him up from the dream. He grumbled but turned towards the hand and opened his eyes. He felt a bit better now that he slept off most of the fever and taken some of the medicine the witches gave him, but he was a little dizzy. It was still dark and he could barely see who was shaking him. Rean blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes to clear up his vision. “Crow?” He muttered, and grabbed at the other’s forearm to get up from lying down, it felt like Crow. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Rean pressed most of his weight onto the person in front of him and sat up against the headboard, he tried to catch his breath. The fever was almost gone, but the dizziness and headache was now more severe. His head spinned and nothing seems real anymore. The darkness twirled around him and he felt like vomiting. He could barely open his eyes. The combination of darkness and headache made it so Crow was all but a blur to him. It was better this way, he did not want to deal with his actions from yesterday. He did not have to capacity to use his brain to formulate words right now. 

Rean leaned into Crow’s cold touch on his forehead, it was a startling difference from how hot he was feeling right now. Crow must have pulled off his gloves. It felt nice and cool and Rean felt himself starting to lose consciousness. He slumped towards Crow, who caught him, this woke him up just enough for him to pull himself back together for a moment. “I’m sorry.” He corrected himself and sat back up. He felt his headache getting better. Crow must have healed him, but he still had to distance himself away, both physically and mentally, even if Crow was helping him. The room fell silent as nobody talked. 

“Do you need something?” The words that leave his lips sounded more harsh than usual, and Rean wanted to take them back, but maybe this is how it was meant to be. He just wanted to sleep. The barrier between his heart and his mouth have melted away and there was nothing left, just him, this fever, and Crow. Crow always had a way of getting to him that made him weak. He could never deal with Crow and it was a terrible thing. 

“Emma called me.” Rean could feel himself crumbling. “She told me you were sick, so I came here to check up on you.” He reached out for Crow, who was sitting somewhere on the edge of the bed. His hands touch both of Crow’s forearms, he slowly slid his hands down arms until he could feel the back of Crow’s hand. He reached for Crow’s fingers and locked them between his own. They both did not say anything, the silence is calming, and it made Rean more sleepy, his eyelids were feeling heavy. He pressed his fingers on the back of Crow’s hand, it was a familiar experience, they had done this before. The thin layer of fog covering his mind made it harder for him to think and he tried not to. 

Rean smiled a little, the corners of his mouth curving upwards. Crow’s fingers had nothing. The pieces of his facade were starting to crack and he did not want to break down, not in front of Crow. The pounding pain to his head and the throbbing pain to his heart made it feel worse.

He released his hold on Crow’s fingers and slowly fell back into the bed. The room swirled around him and he wanted to close his eyes and sleep. “Thank you for caring about me.” Rean said, his tone cold and distant. He closed his eyes, only to be met with darkness, he wished to forget this ever happened. This fever should just burn away everything within him. His hopes, his desires, his love, his memories of it all, should be burned to a crisp. Burn until there was nothing left.

He pulled his hands away, but Crow stopped him, pressing his fingers down. “Is that what this is all about?” Crow laughed softly, a confidence in his eyes, but Rean did not want to hear it there was no point. He knew that Crow would never be willing to validate him no matter how much he wished for it. Crow brought their hands up, fingers were still locked together. Rean could see the Crow’s fingers spaced out between his own. He uncurled his fingers as Crow held onto his palm. The grip Crow had on him is tight, as if he would disappear, as if Crow was the one willing to ground him to this moment.

‘Assurance’ Crow closed his eyes and pulled their hands to his lips. Crow was slowly pressing kisses on his fingers, starting from the right hand. Pinkie, ring, middle, index, thumb, then onto the left. Rean could feel himself getting flustered. He jerked his arms back to pull away, but he could not free himself. Crow opened his eyes for a moment to look at him. He could read those eyes, eyes red as ruby, sharp as a wolf, it told him he will not be able to escape. Crow lingered for a moment longer than usual on his left ring finger. Rean could not tear his eyes away from Crow’s tongue as it pressed against the base of his finger and licked upwards, he felt himself getting red at the cheeks. Crow looked at him with a grin on his face and bit the tip of his finger, such shamelessness! He tried to pull his hand away again, he wanted to cover his burning face and ears.

‘Intimacy’ Crow released his fingers, but Rean did not want to let him go because he knew that Crow would leave him if he did. Rean looked down on the bed as he slowly slipped his hands back, clawing his fingers into the bedsheets, he wished this moment was longer. Even though he wanted Crow’s love, he knew he had no right to decide someone else’s happiness. He stared at the bedsheet, flinching when he felt Crow’s hand on the right side of his face. Crow was caressing him, running his thumb gently down his cheek. The touch was numbing, and Rean lost sense of the space around them; to him this moment was all he had. Crow kissed him above his right eyelid. 

‘Communication,’ Rean’s heart pounded louder, his face was hot and he could no longer look at Crow straight in the eyes. He averted his gaze to stare at the darkness behind Crow. This felt like a dream, a sweet dream he did not want to wake up from. Crow climbed onto the small bed and he moved over to make space for Crow to sit down. Crow chuckled and Rean could feel the back of his neck burning.

Crow was silent he leaned closer to Rean’s face, he had a soft smile, he was waiting. Rean’s heart was aching and his breath was heavy. He could feel his own hands shake and sweat, he wanted this, more than anything. He waited for this moment for months, perhaps years, and it was finally within his grasp. He reached up for Crow’s face and repeated the action Crow demonstrated. He brushed Crow’s hair back behind his ears and leaned in, a soft kiss on the lips was more than enough. Rean could feel Crow smile, and he pulled away, a wave of panic hits him, he was unsure if he had done something wrong. 

“What’s with that face.” Crow grinned and patted him on the head, “I love you too.” His grin turned into a genuine smile. Crow’s eyes were closed, and his face was redder than usual, a childish expression he rarely showed to others. Rean loved this side of Crow, this younger and more spoiled side of him. Crow’s cheeks were tinted red and he could feel himself burning up too. He really does love Crow, he loved Crow so, so much. 

Crow pecked a short kiss on his lips, “Since the first time we met, I was interested in you.” Crow reached over and patted his shoulder a few times, Rean nodded. He complied to Crow and slid down the bed until his head was on the pillow. It was more comfortable this way for him, since he was still running a low fever. 

“Since the dance, I liked you.“ Crow climbed on top of him and fixed the loose strands of hair sticking to his face. Crow’s fingertips brushed delicately against his face, he shivered from the touch.

“Since the time you begged for me, I realized I loved you.” Rean knew Crow was making a dirty comment about that time, he lightly punched Crow on the chest. He had been completely serious when he begged Crow to stay and Crow was not going to ruin that.

“Ow! Fine, fine!” Crow pouted as he pressed his face on Rean’s neck and kissed him. “I don’t know when I started to love you, I just do.”

Crow chuckled, “was that enough for you?” He leaned in to kiss him again. Rean welcomed it as he opened his mouth. He allowed Crow to run his tongue along his teeth and curl their tongues together. He tried his best to match Crow’s actions, but he knew he was not as experienced, since he could not keep up with Crow. Rean gently wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders and broke off the kiss to catch his breath. Crow smiled at him again, and he felt himself melting from Crow’s affection. This was all too much for him to handle at this moment, but he had longed to hold Crow close to him. Rean pressed his forehead onto the side of Crow’s neck.

“I love you too.” He muttered as he pressed a kiss onto the side of Crow’s neck, he sucked and bit at that spot until it left a mark. If Crow truly did want him then he did not want Crow to leave.

Rean jolted awake at the sound of ringing. He panicked for a short minute as he sat up while reaching over to pick up the noisy device sitting on top of the small nightstand. “Hello?” He croaked, throat dry from a night of not drinking water and burning through a fever. He coughed a few times to adjust his voice. He did not sound like himself at all when he spoke.

“Crow? Did I finally get through to you!?” It was Towa, she sounded extremely relieved. She must have mistaken him for Crow based on how strange his voice sounded when he had just woken up. Rean covered the speakers and quickly checked the orbments on the ARCUS, and it was indeed Crow’s, Gungnir sat brightly at the center of the circuitry. He could still see the ‘Rage’ quartz he had given Crow during the rivalries resting on one of the slots. “You can’t just leave us like that!” Judging from her tone of voice, Crow must have ran out to find him as soon as possible and did not attend classes at all. Rean chuckled, Towa was perfect at lecturing people like always, but he was not Crow and saying this to him would be a waste. “You’re supposed to set a positive example for the students…”

Rean cleared his throat again in hopes Towa would realize he was not Crow and he just happened to pick up the call on accident. “Wait, is that Rean?“ He was about to reply when a hand grabbed his arm. It hooked at his forearm and brought it down and promptly took the ARCUS off his hands. He had forgotten Crow was still in the bed with him. 

“Sup’ Towa.“ Crow yawned and placed the ARCUS on his ear and went back to wrapping his arms around Rean’s waist. Rean could hear the sound of Towa lecturing Crow on the other side of the call, while Crow casually laughed it off. “S’ my bad.” He could tell Crow did not really mean it and shot him a glare. Crow must have noticed because he looked up and winked, it made Rean feel like shoving a hand in that smug face. “We’ll be back tomorrow!” Crow chirped and after a few more minutes of rambling, he then closed the ARCUS and slid it back onto the nightstand. Crow fell back on the bed and nudged his head at the side of his waist. He sighed and patted Crow’s head a few times while he wondered about what to do for the rest of the day.

He thought for a few minutes, trying to map out some sort of plan before he looked down. “Crow, what are you doing?” Rean asked, delicately running his hands along the other’s hair.

Crow turned his head to look up at him, and smiled. “What do you think I’m doing?” Crow was running his finger along the inner band of his pants. The back of his finger brushing lightly against the skin of his waist. He did not know what to say. He was not sensitive on his waist, but it did not mean he was used to being touched there. He looked at Crow’s smiling face, and at his fingers.

When it finally clicked within his head, it was already too late. Rean yelped and shut his eyes when Crow suddenly dragged him down. The bed creaked at the violent movement, the impact made him more disoriented than usual. When he finally opened his eyes, he could feel Crow’s body pressed up against his. Crow looking down at him, his messy gray hair dangling down his neck and shoulders. Rean could feel the longer strands touching his cheeks, it tickled. “You cannot be seriously-” Crow rutted against him and he choked. The words meant to come out his mouth escaped as a dry cough. 

Rean could not move as he was being pinned down on the small bed. Crow had one of his hands pressed up against his chest while the other held himself up. “Crow!” He yelped again as Crow grinded against him again. “This is Roselia’s house!”

Crow rolled his eyes as he unbuttoned Rean’s white dress shirt with expertise. “Please, Roselia can see anywhere she wants anyway.” Rean flushed red. He opened his mouth to make a counter argument, but he could not think of one. Crow was right, and he could only make a sour expression.

“Oh, Vita too, I guess? And maybe Emma.” Crow added, he stated it as if he was talking about the weather and Rean stared at him completely baffled. He grabbed Crow’s shoulder and pulled himself up in hopes of escaping this embarrassing situation. It would be extremely rude to have sex inside someone else’s home, and it was even worse to do so in a bed he and his students had frequented. 

Rean pulled himself up and pressed his back against the wooden headboard, trying to catch his breath from the simulation Crow gave him. He could tell he looked like a mess. Rean glared at Crow, who moved to sit closer to him, he flinched and closed his eyes as Crow leaned closer, but nothing happened. He peeked opened his eyes and wondered why Crow did not do it. 

“Do you really not want to do it?” Rean opened his eyes and looked at Crow, did he send the wrong message? He wanted to do it, of course he wanted to, he really wanted to do it. He looked down at himself, then at Crow. They were both hard, there was no point in hiding it. He knew he could not hide anything from Crow, his feelings or his desires. There was no lies between them, everything was crystal clear from the very beginning, he just never realized it. Rean felt that heating building up from his chest again; It was a warm sensation, different from before. He did not feel scared of it. He was starting to come to terms with it and it was already consuming him.

Crow had always known the answer, but Rean knew he just wanted validation. A spoken consent, not just one formed from emotional connection. Crow was giving him the answers to the riddles that chained his heart for the past months, for a price. They both wanted the same things. Crow wanted him to say that he loved him, but he also wanted the same. A game of push pull to see who will give up first, a pointless game from the start as they both wanted to lose. There was nothing between them anymore to hold them back anymore, the price was himself.

“Of course, I want to do it…” He did not know what kind of expression he was making right now, but the look of joy that formed on Crow’s face made Rean weak. Each and every action from Crow affected him more and more. Rean allowed Crow to pin his back onto the headboard. He kissed Crow again while shrugging off his already opened dress shirt. He lets it slide and fall to the floor.

“Then what are you waiting for.” Crow hands reached for his pants, fingers once again hooking on the inner band of his pants. Crow was scratching at his waist. 

Rean sighed, and gave Crow a dissatisfied look, who just returned him a cheerful smile. He always had trouble refusing Crow, and he doubted that this bad habit of his will be cured anytime soon. “You have the worst ideas.” He reached down to Crow’s hands and promptly removed them from inside his pants place them back to its owner's lap. But if Crow wanted it, then he wants it too. “I swear.” Rean felt his ear getting red as he pulled off his pants and underwear by himself, he wanted Crow to not watch him strip. “Just this once.” He mumbled as he dropped them off at the same spot his shirt fell on.

Rean sat cross-legged on his pillow, he yawned, the sun was barely up. He watched as Crow climbed over to the chair next to the bed to reach for his jacket that was hanging behind the chair. He reached into the side pocket and pulled out a bottle. “Do you always carry that around?” Rean asked as Crow moved back in front of him. Crow shifted, seemingly trying to find a comfortable position to sit in. 

Despite being completely naked, Rean did not feel particularly embarrassed. While he was no exhibitonist by any means, he was sure most if not all his friends seen him half naked at least once or twice. Unisex hot springs were quite common after all. He was not a stranger to the idea of striping in a semi-public environment as he sometimes would go to the hot springs at Bryonia island or the path near Milstante, they were extremely comfortable places to sit and relax at.

“Nah, I don’t.” Crow shook his head, and glanced over at him while he popped open the bottle cap. “I had to grab my old coat since my other one was completely soaked thanks a certain somebody.” Rean stared at Crow awkwardly, he scratched the right side of his cheek with his index finger. “I keep some pretty important stuff in this jacket, so I don't wear it often.” He watched as Crow placed down the bottle on the bed and pulled the shirts he was wearing off his body and over his head, then discarding it on the floor. 

“Sorry about that...”  He sincerely regretted his actions from yesterday. He lost control of himself for a moment and he had to pay the consequences. 

Crow settled for sitting in the same position as him and then patted his lap a few times, Rean looked at him, unsure of what to do. He was not entirely sure of how this whole thing worked as he had very limited experiences with romance.

Rean moved closer to Crow and climbed onto his lap. His arms hung on top of Crow’s shoulders as he stared down at Crow. “Is this fine?” He asked, unsure. Crow nodded at him and reached for the bottle again. He could not see what was happening as he rested his chin gently on Crow head. He shivered when he felt Crow’s hand slide down on his lower back. It was cold and slimy, he was not familiar with this. “Crow.” He muttered into Crow’s hair.

Rean felt Crow’s head nudge against his chin and he looked down at Crow, who looked up at him and gently bite his chin, then kissed him on the lips. Rean pulled on Crow’s hair, hoping that he would tilt his head a little more upwards. Their current position was uncomfortable as their mouths did not match up perfectly and it was a little annoying. Crow pulled away from the kiss, “Relax ok? I’m going to start now.” He nodded, tilted his head to the side, and licked Crow’s lips. Crow smiled against his tongue and opened his mouth. 

It was a hungry kiss that made him shudder as Crow’s mouth sucked and tugged at his tongue. Rean could feel Crow’s hand firmly pressed against the back of his head, and it was preventing him from pulling away. The kiss made him dizzy as he struggled to breathe through his nose. Crow refused to let him go, whenever he did manage to pull back Crow would open his mouth a bit wider and lean forward, pushing him back into the kiss again. He could barely focus on anything when Crow finally did pull away. His mind was a mess as he gasped for air.

“An adult’s kiss.” Crow grinned, and Rean glared at him while wiping away the drool running off the corner of his mouth. Rean groaned when he felt something move inside him, the coldness made him shiver. It was most likely Crow’s fingers. He bit his lips to suppress a moan, if Crow was playing dirty then he was not going to easily cave into Crow’s demands easily. 

Rean was relieved when Crow release the back of his head, but he was pressed backwards. He could feel the cold wooden headboard of the bed against his back. “This is emba-” He was cut off when Crow slipped his tongue into his mouth again, it was another one of those ‘adult’ kisses that left him feeling weak and sluggish. This time, Rean could feel another finger sliding inside him. 

His eyes widened as he moaned against Crow’s mouth, who used this opportunity to move his tongue deeper into Rean’s mouth, Crow ran his tongue along the top of his mouth. He could not do anything as Crow pinned him to the wall, his fingers digging into Crow’s shoulders for support. Rean felt his senses focus and sharpen as he could hear only hear the sound of himself gasping for air against Crow’s kiss. The wet sounds of the kiss was making him lose his mind, Crow was absolutely going to mess him up. 

He shook as he felt Crow stretching him from the inside, there were three fingers inside him. Rean pulled away from the kiss when Crow ran his fingers along his inner walls and tugged against his muscles. He choked from the discomfort and pulled Crow closer for a hug as Crow gently ran his other hand down his back. Rean closed his eyes and bit down hard on his teeth to contain the noises forming in his throat. “Rean.” Rean opened his eyes again when he could no longer feel Crow’s hand on his back. He released Crow from the hug and tried to focus his eyes as he panted heavily, trying to catch his breath. 

“Don’t do that.” Crow murmured, “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” His index finger reached into Rean’s mouth, and hooked itself behind his lower jaw. He moaned as Crow kept spreading his fingers inside him, he curled his toes and clawed his fingers into Crow’s shoulders as saliva ran down the corner of his mouth. This time, though, he could not suppress his moans as he did not want to bite on Crow’s finger. 

Crow gave him a chaste kiss to his neck as he unhooked his finger from his mouth, ”Should I help you a little?” He asked with a small glint in his eyes. Rean blinked away the thin layer of tears building up at his eyes and stared back at Crow as he raised an eyebrow. “It won’t hurt, promise.” He was unsure of whether to take Crow up on the offer. Since Crow made the offer it probably would not end well, but… what was there to lose?

Rean slowly nodded and Crow smirked, at that very moment he knew he had messed up. Crow’s eyes glowed red and a spark crackled from his iris. Rean yelped when Crow forced his back against the headboard and the wall. Their chests were pressed together and Crow had pulled out his hand from his insides and pinned both his hands next to his head against the wall. “You can’t be serious!” Rean hissed between his teeth, he could not afford to scream at Crow now. If Roselisa walked in on them, he would probably evaporate on the spot. 

There was no escaping as Crow pressed their foreheads together and he was forced to stare at Crow’s eyes. “You...!” Rean gasped, this was bad, his body was getting weaker and he felt like he was losing control of his mind. He closed his eyes as he felt himself burning up, it was already too late as it was getting harder to breathe. The places that Crow was pressing up against was searing hot and he felt himself starting to get sensitive. That sly bastard charmed him!

Crow pulled away from him for a moment as he unbuckled his belt. Even though his mind and senses were all over the place, Rean was able to focus completely on Crow as he pulled off his belt and then his pants, the sound of the unbuckling of the metal belt and of the zipper made him more aware of what was going to happen, and his face burned. “No biting yourself ok?” Rean quickly nodded as he watched Crow apply lubricant to himself. Crow knelt on both his knees on the bed and delicately lifted him up from the bottom.

Rean wrapped his legs around Crow’s waist and arched his back against the wall as Crow entered him. He felt his body burning as Crow slowly slid inside, he moaned and pressed the back of his head against the wall. His body was not accustomed to this, and he clenched around Crow as a response, who grunted from the pressure.

There was a burning feeling building at the pit of his stomach, and Rean felt as if he was going to die when Crow slightly pulled out from him and pressed his hands on his chest; Crow’s index fingers pressed itself up against his nipples and lightly rubbed against them. Rean whined as he tried to bat the other’s hands away. He was not female and Crow should not enjoying play with his chest.

Rean whimpered when Crow refused to let him go. He covered his face with the back of his left hand as his right hand tried to push Crow’s arm away. “Crow...” He pleaded, Crow was looking extremely seriously at his nipples as he rubbed the padding of his thumbs against it. He shuddered, he did not know what was so appealing about his chest. 

“I want more of you...” Rean quietly murmured as he felt his bottom itch from being ignored, Crow’s touches to his chest felt really good. He forced his eyes shut. He felt as if there was a disconnect somewhere within him. On the one hand, he felt so embarrassed he could die on the spot, but on the other hand, the more honest side of him wanted more of this; he wanted Crow’s affection. Yet, due to those damned eyes from Crow, the filter between his mind and mouth had disappeared, and he was spouting, completely true, nonsense.

Rean grumbled as he tried to relax, if he was stuck in this situation he mind as well make the best of it. He brought both his hands to Crow’s shoulders and tried his best to relax and sink the rest of himself down on Crow. Crow noticed and helped him a little by adjusting his position. 

“Oh, you noticed?” Rean nodded at Crow’s comment, when he managed to take all of Crow in. His shoulders and ears burned from the heat, he could tell that he was definitely red all over. Crow’s face was in front of his collarbone and he was biting and sucking at it. He quivered when Crow’s fingers pinched and tugged at his nipple. “Do you feel better now then?” Crow smiled, and flicked his fingers.

Rean moaned Crow’s name before he could reply. Crow slowly started to pull out of him and thrusted back in, he curled his toes at the pleasure. The feeling of Crow grinding against him was good, so intoxicatingly good that he thought he was going to go crazy. He wanted more of this exhilarating feeling of being loved to the very core. “Crow!” Rean called out he clawed at Crow’s shoulders, he wanted more, more of this thrill, more of any and all the love Crow can offer him. He arched his back as Crow repeatedly pulled out and thrusted back in. The dimly lit room was filled with the sound of the bed harshly creaking and the obscene sound of the slapping of skin.

Crow was biting and kissing along his collarbone again and Rean could not do anything except hold Crow close to him. He felt Crow’s hands trail down his chest, his stomach, and wrap themselves around his waist. Crow held him down firmly when he thrusted back in. Rean sobbed at the pleasure and racked his nails deeper into Crow’s back. He could not control his strength anymore as tears from both pain and pleasure rolled down his face. 

  Rean breathed heavily as he slowly opened his wet eyes to look at Crow. Crow was sweating, beads of water dripped down his chin and landed on Rean’s stomach. His silver hair looked slick as it stuck to his face and neck. Rean could hear his labored and uneven breathing from this distance. Crow’s face was red, his eyes were half-opened and he could see the Crow’s crimson pupils from behind his eyelashes. He was rarely this close and intimate with Crow that he gets the chance to see the finer details on the other’s face. Rean reached his right hand up from Crow’s face and touched his cheek. He was soft and warm, Rean could feel the thin layer of sweat covering his face. 

“Does it feel good?” Rean asked just before Crow thrusted into him again and his eyes widened as he moaned and gasped for air. His fingers shook as he gently ran them across Crow’s forehead, wiping off the sweat. The grin that formed on Crow’s face made it obvious that he knew what he was doing. Rean huffed, leaned closer to Crow’s face and forcibly clenched around him.

Crow coughed, then chuckled as he flicked his forehead and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Of course it does, dummy.” Rean kissed Crow back, slipping his tongue into Crow’s mouth as he tangled and ran his finger down Crow’s hair. 

Rean pressed himself against Crow, who had not touched him ever since they started, and it was starting to hurt. Even when he reached down, Crow would momentarily release his grip from his waist just to swat his hand away. The pain was starting to merge with the pleasure, and he was not sure how he was going to survive for the rest of the day if he did not get released soon. He desperately needed Crow to stroke him. 

“Please...” He begged Crow, he wanted to cum so badly, he needed Crow’s touch on his skin. Crow gently shook his head and kissed him at the corner of his eye. It was obvious that there was something that Crow wanted from him that he had not gotten yet and he was determined not to suffer at that whimsy. 

“Please…!” Rean begged again, he leaned into Crow’s ear and bit and nibbled down the shell of his ear. He let out a throaty moan when Crow’s hand slide down and spread his ass while thrusting in.

“Crow...” He pouted, his patience was running dry. Rean whimpered as he latched his teeth onto the silver earrings that Crow was wearing and tugged on it. He knew Crow was sensitive at those spots on his ear. 

“Fine.” Rean growled as he shoved Crow down on the bed. 

Crow admitted that this was not a bad view, having Rean on top of him, panting and needy. He may have played around too much and gotten Rean angry, but that was fine too. Pouty Rean was fine, he was cute, very cute. He could feel the pressure from Rean, as the other male sat on his waist, hands pressed up against his abdomen. Rean eyes were closed as he was shivering, this position was much deeper than the previous one. He could only comfort Rean by tenderly running his hands up and down his thighs.

“I didn’t know you wanted this position? Should’ve told me earlier, Rean.” Crow smirked and lightly thrusted his hips upwards, while Rean squirmed and slumped over, his sweat dripping down to Crow’s chest. Had the usual strong-willed Instructor became so easily undone because of him? “I would’ve gladly given myself up to you like this from the start.” Rean glared at him, but he knew that if he just did so much as move, Rean would be completely at his mercy. 

“I don’t care what position we are in,” Rean hissed. He must’ve been angry that he was not being touched, even though he had a good reason for refusing. “...as long as I get to cum.” Rean mumbled under his breath, was he getting shy? Crow stared at the person in front of him in amazement, did Rean still had the capacity to get embarrassed when he had a cock completely up his ass?

Crow sighed and brought his left hand to Rean’s cock, and smudged the tip with his index finger. He watched Rean’s reaction as his pre-cum stuck to his fingers, Rean’s eyes were clouded with a thin layer of tears, he looked as if he couldn’t focus on anything except for the pleasure. Crow slowly ran his finger down, his nail scraping along the delicate skin, bumping against the veins. Rean moaned, and his drool was running down his chin and along his neck.   

“I want us to release together though...” Crow muttered.

Even if Rean was to call him a sly asshole or a scheming bastard, Crow would never actually care, because one, it’s true, and two, he probably deserved it. He knew he was by no means a saint, and honestly, he wouldn't even call himself a good-natured young man, all of his friends knew that. So, therefore he enjoys playing with his cute junior quite a lot, he liked seeing Rean’s squirm at his touch and shiver at his words. It wasn’t because he wanted to hurt Rean or anything, but rather it was because Rean was so interesting. 

While he knew exactly what lines he should and shouldn't cross, he had always been curious about what made Rean tick and what would make Rean snap. Crow would have never in a million years foresee this was how Rean would act once he had snapped pass the chains that wrapped itself around his heart. The Rean he was seeing right now, the one who was desperately yet clumsily riding him, was a completely new view. 

Rean, who was slightly slumped over, pressed his hand against his upper abdomen, raised his hips to slowly and pulled himself out, while Crow reached up to rub his shoulders. He didn't really envision their first time ending in Rean riding him in Elin, but there was a lot of things he couldn't predict. When Rean sank back down on him, he thrusted up to meet him halfway. 

Crow pushed himself up on his elbow as he made sure to embed each and every one of Rean’s reactions into his memories. He loved all of Rean’s cries, moans, and gasps. All of Rean was enticing to him, as he watched the person in front of him shiver and shake from his feathery touches to his thigh. Crow moved his hand to reach for the back of Rean’s head and pulled him into another kiss as he drank in the moans of his name. 

Rean leaned in to kiss him again and again, and he simply compiled. As long as it was Rean that asked, he would be willing to do anything for him. Crow quietly pressed his index finger against Rean’s lips when the kiss broke, both of them trying to catch their breath. He chuckled when Rean opened his mouth and pressed his tongue against his finger. “Let’s finish first, ok?” He murmured softly and pressed a kiss on Rean’s forehead.

Crow trailed his finger down Rean’s chin, neck, and pass his collar bone, that was filled with small red dots and bite marks, and pinched his nipple. They were both red and perked up from the attention he gave them earlier, how cute. He watched as Rean limply grabbed his forearm and tried to push it away from his chest. Was Rean that upset about this? “It’s cute.” Crow truthfully said as he watched Rean pout at him. He really didn't need to lie about this kind of stuff.

Crow removed his hand from Rean’s chest while Rean shook his head, “It feels w-” His voice trails off to a breathy moan when Crow wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked him in time with his light thrusts. Rean’s hands slipped down his body and dug his nails into the bed sheet. Crow watched as Rean trembled as he tried his best to raise his hips when he pulled out and drop back down when he thrusted up. The tiny mewling sounds that escapes Rean’s lips as adorable and Crow can feel himself getting closer, so he picked up the pace. 

“Crow,” Crow hummed as he lie down on the bed, his other hand reaching up to bring Rean’s head down, and pressed it against his chest. “Crow,” Rean look up at him, chin pressing close to the scar near his heart. Rean’s eyes were glossy, and it made them shine brighter than before, Crow pressed his thumb against Rean’s lips and wiped the thin line of saliva off the corner of his mouth. “Crow!” Rean repeated one last time before he pressed his forehead onto the center of Crow’s chest. 

Crow could feel Rean’s body shaking from above him and his ass clenching down on him. Crow lets out a throaty moan when he released inside Rean, and then slowly pull himself out. There was a warm and sticky feeling on his stomach, but before he could make a comment Rean falls down on him, and he catches the other male by the shoulder and tenderly let him rest his whole weight on his body. Crow grinned and pressed a kiss on Rean’s ear once his breathing stabilized, “Does it feel good?”

Rean hummed and nodded his head, his hair pricking against the scarred skin on his chest, it tickles. Crow soothingly ran his hand along Rean’s back and waits for him to recover from shivering. He felt a bit bad for making Rean deal with so much when this was their first time. He patted Rean’s back a few times, when he could hear the other’s breathing even out.

The serene atmosphere along with the slow tempo of Rean’s breathing was making him sleepy so he closed his eyes to get some more rest. 

He had known from a long time ago that Rean ‘liked’ him. He wouldn't be able to pinpoint an exact date or time when asked, but it was probably sometime during their school days. Even if Rean was interested in him, he did not envision it would grow into something as mature as this. He had always expected Rean to get over him, as he was just one of the many enemies that the Ashen Awakener would cross paths with during his journey. Crow knew he was nothing special, he had no title, no fame, no money, there was nothing exceptional about him that could possibly attract Rean towards him. He was just some country boy with an agenda. Surprisingly the boy stuck around anyway and by some strange miracle of the Goddess, that ‘like’ manage to only grow further. He hadn't determined if that was a blessing or a curse. 

If Rean were to date Alisa, Crow figured that he would be the first to give his blessings. He would definitely be one of the first people to know since Rean isn't good at hiding any secrets from him. At his core, Rean was very honest, but they never really needed words in the first place. Rean would probably walk up to him, scratch his cheek awkwardly, and then confess whatever he’s been up for the last few days or weeks, then ask for his blessing or something. 

Of course, he would give Rean his blessing. He definitely would because, ultimately, Rean’s happiness was his happiness. 

Rean yawned and sat up, he reached for Crow’s ARCUS to check the time; it was already midday. “Good Afternoon.” He looked down at Crow, who was laying down next to him on the bed. 

He needed to clean this mess up before Roselia came in to check up on them, but when he turned to the edge of the bed and tried to get up he immediately almost fell to the ground. Crow reached over and pulled him back to the bed before he fell. He had not realized how much of a toll their morning session took on his body. He was thankful for Crow help, even though it was entirely his fault.

Speaking of things being Crow’s fault, Rean scowled at the person below him. He turned around and hunched over until he faced Crow. “Crow.” Crow smiled, it was a knowing smile. “Did you think I would forget?” Rean smiled back at him. He could see Crow gulp. “That you used your magic eye on me?” He pressed his forehead onto Crow’s and their noses touched. He was going to talk some common sense into Crow, or else he was not going to be named Rean Schwarzer.

Crow placed his hands on Rean’s shoulders and slowly pushed his face away. “I did not!” He yelped when Rean also placed a hand on his right shoulder and started gripped his hand down hard, using the same strength that he does when people talk bad about Elise. “Ow, ow, ow! I swear! I swear to the goddess!” Crow screeched. Rean watched Crow squirm for a bit. When he did release his grip, Crow sighed and went to rub the sore spot on his shoulder.

“Proof.” Rean asked, his tone cold, and eyes sharp. He could have sworn that his body started to burn up after Crow’s activated his eyes. 

Crow shook his head and raised an eyebrow at him, he looked extremely desperate, ”Rean, who do you take yourself for? You’re a sword saint, your mental fortitude is way too strong for me to charm you.” Crow got up from the bed, the red hand mark was bright, “It was just a placebo effect.” He scratched his head and yawned. 

Rean thought for a moment and his face slowly tinted red as he realized all the things that he did and thought earlier were all on his own volition. All the shady things Crow did had nothing to do with it, and he had to own up to his own actions. He shifted his eyes away from looking at Crow to gather his flustered self. The shamelessnes he showed during sex made him want to dig a hole for himself.

“Besides, my life would've been so much easier if they actually worked on you.” Crow muttered, as he patted Rean’s head, to comfort him. Rean took a few deep breaths and tried to regain his usual composure. 

“What?” Rean knew that it was true that his mental fortitude was very strong, it was embedded in his sword style that he must have a clear understanding of his own-self. The highest praise a master can achieve was to have complete understanding. But when anything involved Crow, he figured the logical part of his brain shuts down, leaving him acting on impulses he knew should not go along with.

“Whenever you would take me to that hot spring cave in Bryonia Island, I would always try to charm you, it obviously never worked.” He stared at Crow for a short minute before he slowly moved to hold Crow’s right wrist.

Rean started to slowly rub circles on Crow’s inner wrist with his thumbs. “And what if it did?”

Crow thought for a moment. “Then I guess we would’ve had sex in the hot spring? Haha!” Rean moved his right hand to grab at Crow’s forearm just above his left hand. Crow laughed at his own comment, and he laughed along with Crow as he wrapped his hands around the other’s forearm. Rean twisted his hands in opposite directions while Crow screamed for forgiveness.

After some more bickering, Rean managed to get dressed, and he stood next to the bed that he needed to clean. He had forced Crow out just a bit earlier to buy a new pair of pants because the pair he was wearing now got a little dirty. 

Rean glanced around the room and noticed that Crow did not take his ARCUS or his coat. He decided that it would be best to place the important device back into the jacket in case Crow forgot. It was a gift from Prince Olivert after all. He picked up the ARCUS and walked over to the coat, opened the flap above the left pocket, and peeked inside to check if anything was there, then slipped the ARCUS in.

Rean moved to the window and pushed it open, letting the smell of the sweet air into the room. He glanced out the window, and he could see the flowers that surrounded the village. There was a sense of safety from being here, from the barriers that Roselia set up to the glowing blue flowers, it gave him a taste of what it was like to live a mundane danger-free life. It felt like this when he lived in Ymir with his family, but somewhere along the way he had lost that feeling. Perhaps it was the civil war, or perhaps it was because he had lost his sense of identity after learning the truth about his heredity. 

The pieces of himself that chipped off during each and every painful event had not mended together, but he tried to make it work. The civil war, Crow’s death, his father, his missions, his title, Millium, and the rivalries, they all did nothing but eat away at him. He remembered when he felt extremely paranoid during the <Twilight>. His worthless self telling him to rip, steal, and kill from those around him or else he was just a useless piece of trash with no ambitions. He does not know where he would be right now if not for Crow’s support. Crow, who understood and shared his pain, would hold onto him in the depths of the night, while he screamed and cried. Crow anchored him down to the reality that he was not who the curse told him he was, but that he was just a human with his own strengths and weaknesses. 

He was grateful for those around him, his classmates that offered him their comfort, his students that offer him their courage, and his friends that offered him their assistance, he needed each and every one. He was grateful for Crow, who was willing to accept him for himself. Not the hero, not the Ashen Chevalier, not the savior nor the sacrifice. He just wanted someone to accept him as himself, a flawed man, a simple teacher, just a person seeking the love and companionship of somebody else.

Rean gave a small smile to Crow, who was waving to him from the narrow stone path to the house. He watched as Crow pointed to his mouth and said a few words that he could not hear from such distance. His smile morphed into a laugh as he read Crow’s lips. Rean also pointed to his lips and waited until Crow gave him a nod before he repeated the words Crow said to him. The three words that had built up inside him over the span of a year, the three words that he was too afraid to say because of his fear of rejection, the three words that Crow refused to say to him because he wanted him to come to an understanding of himself. The three words that he will treasure as if it was something more precious than himself.

“Love you, too”

A fire can only burn if there is air, therefore, what’s important when fueling a flame, is to give it more oxygen. 

Crow’s ARCUS made a small sound as it hit the silver ring resting at the bottom of the pocket.