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Chapter Text

“Ready to do this?” Nick asked, bouncing like a little kid on Christmas day.

Kevin raised a brow at his youngest brother and shook his head. They were on their last show of their Vegas run before breaking and recharging. Then it was off to rehearsals for the new tour.

“Okay, how much candy did you buy from the candy store?” Kevin asked.

“More like how much of it did you eat before the show?” Howie’s voice cut in as he headed their way.

“First of all, that was weeks ago.” Nick defended. “Second, I only ate about half my bag.”

Kevin chuckled, getting the last bit of his outfit on, the others doing the same. He adjusted his ear piece just as his phone went off. He went to grab it out of his duffel bag seeing it was Kristin, but he knew he had to go. He bit his lip trying to decide what to do, what if it was important? Kris would never call him around this time unless something was wrong. His phone went quiet before going off again, he closed his eyes trying to decide what to do, his cousin's voice giving him his answer.

“Kevin, come on!” Brian yelled.

Kevin opened them again and looked down at his phone, setting it down. “Please forgive me Kris.”

He turned and headed out of the dressing room towards the others so they could be strapped into the boxes that lifted them up into the air as Larger Than Life began, Kevin’s phone still ringing.

The show went perfectly, but Kevin’s mind was still on his phone. He was worried even though he tried his damnedest to not let it show, he had a job to do and he couldn’t let the fans know something was wrong. At each quick change, he wanted to check it but knew he didn’t have the time so he let it be until the end of the show.

Finally it was over and after that final bow, Kevin bolted off the stage and to the dressing room, picking up his phone, eyes wide. He had three missed calls and four texts. He ignored the texts and went straight for his voicemail, hearing his wife’s voice.

“Kevin, I know you’re getting ready to go on stage, but this couldn’t wait.” Kristin’s voice came through, but it sounded distraught and weak, almost like she had been crying but had composed herself enough to leave the message. “The boys and I are leaving you, I’m so sorry but I can’t keep myself around any longer.”

Kevin dropped his phone back into his bag, not caring what else was being said. He couldn’t believe she was walking away from him after so long. Brian walked in seeing Kevin still in his 90s outfit but didn’t like the language his cousin was giving off with his body, it was shaking like he was crying.

“Kev?” Brian asked, causing the older man to jump and turn to look at him, tears in his eyes.

“Shit man, what happened?” Brian asked, quickly moving to his cousin pulling him into his arms.

Kevin broke down. “Kris..she’s...she’s leaving me..”

Brian’s eyes went wide in disbelief. “No, that can’t be right, she’d never..”

Kevin pushed the man away. “She’s leaving me! I have to go!”

Brian was still too stunned to respond watching the dark haired man quickly change and grab his stuff, the others coming in.

“Hey..we were going..” Howie began seeing the commotion. “What’s going on?”

By now, Nick and AJ had joined the group. “Whoa..”

“I have to go, sorry guys.” Kevin apologized. “Something came up at home.”

Kevin pushed passed the two youngest, Brian looking at AJ. “Go with him, he’s in no condition to drive.”

“And group text us when you get to Kev’s house.” Nick added.

AJ nodded knowing Brian and Howie had flights back home early in the morning. He quickly grabbed his things and ran out, trying to catch up with the older man.

Nick and Howie looked towards the younger cousin. “Explain, now.”

Brian sighed. “Kristin called and left Kevin a message saying she was leaving him.”

The two other men looked at each other with the same shock and disbelief Brian had had on his face. The three men gathered their things and headed out, deciding to go grab something to eat together before going their separate ways until rehearsals began.

Kevin had just opened his car door when he heard AJ’s voice ring out. “Hey! Wait up!”

Kevin groaned but turned seeing the other man quickly heading his way. He was not in the mood, he wanted to get to Cali as soon as he could to try and fix things with Kris or at least figure out what the hell was going on.

“AJ, I don’t have time, I need to go.” Kevin quickly rambled.

The other man made it to where Kevin was looking him over. His eyes were puffy and body was still shaking a bit.

“There’s no way in hell you are driving looking like that.” AJ shook his head. “Keys..now.”

Kevin glared at the younger man. “I’ll be fine.”

“We’re not leaving until you hand them over.”

The annoyed man raised a brow. “What do you mean we?”

AJ grinned. “Way i see it, we both live in Cali. You get home safe, our brothers don’t have to worry, and I don’t have to buy a plane ticket.”

Kevin rolled his eyes but handed the tattooed man the keys sliding out of the car moving around to the passenger side and getting it. AJ beamed proudly at himself for standing his ground against the older man and slipped in, starting the car up.

“So which one put you up to chasing me down?” Kevin asked as AJ pulled out of the lot and onto the street, heading out of Vegas and towards Kevin’s home.

“Who do you think?” AJ threw back.

“Brian.” Kevin simply answered, going quiet.

The car was too quiet and it was driving AJ crazy, it wasn’t like Kevin to be this quiet and they still had at least three hours to go.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” AJ asked, trying to create any kind of conversation.

“Don’t wanna talk.” Kevin softly replied.

“Look, I ran out before Brian could tell me what was going on, but it’s going to be a very long trip if we stay silent like this.”

“Don’t care.”

AJ sighed. “Okay man, not gonna push.”

Kevin laid his seat back and turned the best he could, his back towards the younger man. He had learned years ago the best way to pass the time was to sleep and that’s exactly what he did. AJ was worried about his big brother, but he let the older man be, keeping his eyes on the dark road knowing he’d have to stop soon for something caffeinated, it was gonna be a very long night.

Kevin grunted softly feeling the car come to a stop, his eyes opening but quickly closing again as the bright lights of the gas station streamed right into his eyes. He tried to move but was greeted by stiffness.

“What’s going on?” He asked, sleep still evident in his deep voice.

“Need caffeine.” AJ replied.

Kevin sat up and unbuckled his seat belt, he needed to get out and stretch. The two men did what they needed to before sliding back into the car. Kevin lifted his seat back up and sighed softly.

“How much longer?” He asked.

“Um...probably another hour, hour and a half.” AJ replied.

He groaned and rubbed his face, opening his eyes and looking towards the concerned face of his bandmate. He lowered his hands and sighed softly.

“Here.” AJ said, handing Kevin the foam cup full of steaming hot coffee. He took it gratefully.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to.”

AJ waved his hand before carefully sipping his own coffee. “Mmmm...Sweet nectar.”

Kevin let out his first chuckle since before the show. AJ started the car up and headed back out onto the road. Kevin sat quietly in his seat sipping his coffee, watching the dark landscape pass them by.

“I’m glad you are here.” Kevin said suddenly.

AJ was taken aback by the sudden confession, but his entire body warmed up hearing the words of appreciation.

“Of course bro, I’ll always be here for you.”

Kevin turned his head and smiled softly nodding. “I know.”

They made small talk much to AJ’s relief, he didn’t care that Kevin hadn’t told him what had actually happened earlier, he knew he’d find out soon enough. He was just happy to be conversing with the older man.

About an hour and a half later, AJ was pulling up to the drive, the gate had been left open which seemed odd to AJ as he parked the car in front of the darkened house. It had an eerie feel to it, he wasn’t used to the house being completely dark, Kristin always left the front porch light on for Kevin. He looked over at the older man and the look on his face told AJ almost everything he needed to know.

“She’s not here, is she?”

Kevin bit his lower lip trying not to let the tears fall again. “No.”

“You want me to stay with you?” AJ asked.

Kevin shook his head. “No, I’ll be good.”

AJ nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket to send for an Uber and sending a group text to the other three, both men getting out of the car and walking up to the porch. Kevin happily sat down on the swing with the younger man, willing to keep him company until his ride got there, not really ready to go inside the empty house.

About twenty minutes later, the Uber had pulled up. Kevin pulled his brother into his arms hugging him tight, AJ happy to respond with his own hug.

“We got you.” AJ whispered.

“I know, I’ll talk to you soon.” Kevin replied, letting the younger man go.

AJ nodded and headed down the steps to his ride, getting in. Kevin watched as the car drove off, making sure the gate closed behind them. He sighed and turned his attention to the door, moving to it and unlocking it, closing it behind him.

Chapter Text

Kevin woke up the next morning groaning softly as the light from the window streamed into the room. He rubbed his eyes and turned on his side reaching out but finding an empty spot, causing him to open them fully and letting out a soft sigh. He sat up letting the sheet fall off his body and into a pile across his lap. It felt so wrong waking up this way without Kristin by his side and it was something he didn’t think he would ever get used to.

He pulled the sheets back and realized he was naked, looking over seeing his clothes spread out onto the floor leading to the bed. He didn’t remember even stripping, hell, he didn’t even remember going up the stairs. He got up and grabbed his boxers as well as a pair of bottom from the dresser before grabbing his phone and heading downstairs towards the kitchen. He needed some coffee.

Getting the water going, he turned and leaned back against the counter. The house suddenly felt too big and it was far to quiet. By now, the boys would be down running around happily getting ready for school while Kristin cooked breakfast for her family. He looked down at his phone wishing it would ring or do something other than sit there and mock him. Once the coffee stopped brewing, he reached up into the cabinet and grabbed his mug, sighing softly seeing his wife’s mug sitting there waiting for her. He sat the mug down and grabbed the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup before sitting it back down. He picked up his mug and phone before heading into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

After a few minutes, his phone began to buzz making him slightly jump thankful he had set his mug down. He quickly grabbed and answered it.

“Kris?” Kevin instantly answered.

“Hi Kevin, how are you?” Kristin asked softly.

“I’d be better if you would come home so we can talk about this.” Kevin replied honestly.

“You know I can’t come home.”

“What happened? Everything was good before I left.” Kevin asked.

Kristin closed her eyes, rubbing them gently. “Things haven’t been as good as I had let on.”

Kevin didn’t know what to think at the confession, his brain trying to rack through the twenty-seven years they had been together to figure out where things had gone wrong.

“Kris, talk to me.” Kevin pleaded. “What can I do..we do to fix this?”

Kristin went quiet for longer then Kevin wanted her to before her voice flowed through once again. “Give me some space and time, I need to think some things through.”

Kevin bit his lip but was willing to do whatever she wanted to keep her in his life. “Just please stay in touch with me.”

“I will, but please don’t badger me.” Kristin let out her own plead.

“I won’t, I swear.” Kevin promised. “Where are the boys?”

“Asleep, I promise you will get to talk to them soon.”

Kevin knew Kristin would never keep him from the boys and trusted her to keep her word.

“One other thing.” Kristin cleared her throat knowing this would be hard. “I’m moving back to Kansas City.”

Kevin almost dropped his phone, catching it quickly. “What? Why?”

“Because I need the space from everything, I’ve already found a new home.” Kristin explained.

The tears began to escape his green eyes. “Wh..What about the boys? That’s so far away.”

“I need to be home to think things through, I promise I will get the boys to you before you go overseas so they can go with you just like we had planned, they are so excited about going still.”

Kevin sighed softly but agreed to her terms, talking about things a bit longer before hanging up. He stared at his phone for the longest time before setting it down on the table and leaning back against the couch sighing softly. He couldn’t believe his world was falling apart around him. Kristin was coming over in a few days to get her and the boys things.

He was just about asleep when his phone went off again, he groaned and sat up grabbing his phone, answering it.

“Hello?” Kevin answered.

“Hey cuz.” Brian replied. “I wanted to check on you before I left, do you want me to cancel my flight?”

Kevin sighed softly. “No, go home. I know you miss Bay and Leighanne and we don’t have much time off before we start rehearsals for the new tour.”

“Kev..”

“Brian, I’ll be fine, I promise.” Kevin reassured. “I have AJ and Nick nearby if I need anything, go home.”

Brian sighed softly and nodded. “Okay, just please keep me in the loop.”

“I will, love you cuz.”

“Love you too and see you soon.”

The cousins hung up and Kevin finally decided to get up and head upstairs to the Master suit to take a shower. He stripped down and turned the water on, getting it nice and hot before stepping in. He arched slightly from the heat of the water but finally relaxed letting the steam and scorch wash away his troubles even if just for a moment. The burning sensation didn’t even faze him, he didn’t care that his skin was on fire from the water. He finally got out once the water had gone cold and dried himself off, trudging back into the bedroom closet. He pulled on a simple shirt and jeans before heading out.

He tried to ignore what was going on but every room had some memory and Kevin couldn’t get away from it. He sat down in the family room where the boys’ Xbox was sitting waiting for them to turn it on and play. His face fell as the memories flooded his mind, he wasn’t much of a gamer himself, but that had never stopped him from watching his boys and making memories with them, spending that precious time with them when he was home.

As the day went on, Kevin did everything he could to keep his mind occupied. Kristin had called so he could talk to his boys and he felt a bit better, but the house was still empty and lonely. The others had also called to check on their oldest brother. Kevin was grateful for their concern but he just wanted Kristin and the boys to come home. He watched TV until late into the night, falling asleep on the couch.

Chapter Text

Kevin sat on the couch with his boys next to him, watching the movers go in and out of the house. The two had talked ahead of time about what was going and staying, but it still broke Kevin’s heart seeing everything being taken out, one piece at a time. The furniture for the most part was staying behind, but Kristin had asked Kevin to pack up most of the boys things, leaving some behind for when they were out with him, giving Kevin hope that they wouldn’t be gone for long.

Max looked up at his Dad. “Why do we have to leave?”

Kevin closed his eyes trying to will the tears back before opening them again and looking at his youngest, Mason sitting beside them.

“Your Mom thinks it would be best for now.” Kevin explained. “I’m getting ready to go back out on the road and you guys would be closer to other family.”

“But we were suppose to go with you!” Mason cried out.

Kevin nodded pulling his oldest to him. “I know buddy and you are, both of you.”

“Then why do we have to leave?” Max asked again. “Don’t you love Mom anymore?”

Kevin’s eyes went wide as he pulled both his boys around so they could look him in the eyes. “I love your Mom with everything in me, that’s why I’m letting her take you guys to Kansas City for now. I’m sure you three will be back soon.”

Mason and Max looked at each other still not fully understanding but nodded softly. It was such a big change for them. They were leaving everything they ever knew and would be so far away from their Father.

Kristin came down with the last of the boxes, handing them over to one of the movers before walking towards the couch, seeing her boys cling to their Father. She hated doing this but she was at the end of her rope with the life she had lived for so long.

“Come on boys, we have to be getting to the airport.” Kristin said softly.

“We wanna stay here.” Mason protested.

“I know you do baby, but we have so many people back home waiting for us.”

Kevin hugged the two tight. “Hey, I promise I’ll call each night okay? Plus, you’ll be closer to your cousins and Uncle Howie.”

The two blondes nodded, sliding off the couch and Kevin’s lap. Kristin smiled softly and kissed both their heads gently before heading out of the house for the last time. Kevin sadly followed wanting whatever moments he could get with them.

Kristin shut the door to the car and turned looking into the green eyes that she had loved for so long and for a brief second, she felt herself rethinking what she was doing before shaking her head. This was for the best for all of them.

“I’ll let you know when we’ve landed.” Kristin said softly.

Kevin nodded. “Please do.”

They stood there not looking at each other, the awkwardness was so thick between them. Kevin so badly wanted to lean over and kiss her, pull her into his arms, but he kept his distance.

“We better go or we will miss our flight.” Kristin finally said.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.”

Kristin nodded and opened the car door, Kevin backing away and watching as the car started up and headed down the driveway. He finally let the tears fall as they disappeared down the road.

The next couple of weeks went by like a blur, Kevin had made statements about what was going on his Socials, shaking the entire Backstreet World and before long, Kevin found himself at the rehearsal hall, but everyone could tell he was not focused. They had been dancing all morning, trying to get the routine at least partly down before calling it a day, but it was proving difficult with Kevin not paying attention.

“Hey..how bout we break for some lunch?” Brian panted softly.

Everyone nodded in agreement, Kevin throwing a thankful glance his cousin’s way, Brian nodded and grinned as he went over to the leather couch, flopping down. Kevin chuckled and sat down in one of the folding chairs, rubbing his face gently. Kristin and the boys had made it to Kansas City but nothing was the same. The house was now too big and quiet, no longer filled with the laughter Kevin knew and loved.

Nick sat down next to him, offering the older man a bottle water, Kevin happily accepting it. He untwisted the cap and took a big gulp before lowering the bottle and recapping it.

“Thanks.” Kevin nodded in appreciation.

“No problem.” Nick grinned.

The two men went silent, Nick not sure what to say. Kristin leaving was a huge blow to everyone in the family. Leighanne loved having her best friend much closer, but even she was perplexed and confused as to why the other woman would up and leave Kevin like she had after so long.

“How are you doing?” Nick cautiously asked.

Kevin sighed. “As good as I can be, it still hurts.”

Nick nodded softly. “Why don’t you come back to Vegas with me and spend some time with us and your nephew.”

“I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t want to impose.” Kevin said softly.

Nick stubbornly shook his head. “You wouldn’t be imposing plus I already told Lauren that I was dragging your ass back one way or another! Wouldn’t want her to go through all that trouble cooking than you not showing.”

Kevin glared playfully at the younger man and his cheesy ass grin. “It would be nice to get out of that house.”

“It’s settled then!” Nick grinned, grabbing his phone out of his pocket sending a quick text.

“What are you doing?” Kevin asked.

“Letting Lauren know you’re coming over for the night.” Nick smirked.

“You little shit...You never told her.”

“Would you have agreed if you knew the truth?” Nick asked.

Kevin went to counter the blonde’s question but knew he couldn’t. He would have never agreed to go had he known Lauren had no clue what Nick was planning. He shook his head and chuckled softly as Nick finished his text and put his phone away.

“She can’t wait to see you and she’ll have dinner ready when we get home.” Nick grinned.

“You know I’m gonna figure out a way to get you back for this.” Kevin playfully threatened.

“That’ll be the day old man.” Nick threw back.

“Hey! Come and eat!” Howie yelled from across the room.

“Come on, let's eat.” Nick smacked his arm.

Kevin nodded and punched the younger man playfully back as the two got up and headed towards the others. The rest of the day went smoothly and Kevin was much more relaxed and focused knowing he was going to get to see his nephew later that night.

It was late afternoon almost evening when the day was called, Nick and Kevin piled into Nick’s car and headed off. The blonde was happy to see his oldest brother in higher spirits ever since their talk earlier that day. The two made small talk as they journeyed down the road, Kevin even doing a few Instagram stories.

About four hours later, Nick pulled up to the gate and buzzed. The gates opened and Nick pulled in, them closing behind him.

“The downfall of being famous.” Kevin said softly.

“Yes, but it’s the life we chose.” Nick sighed.

Nick parked the car and the two men got out and headed up to the house, Nick unlocking the door and walking in, Kevin following behind and closing the door behind him.

“Babe, we’re home!” Nick called out, hearing small feet running towards them.

Odin bypassed his Father and wrapped his arms around Kevin’s legs. “Uncle Kevin!”

Nick stood there, mouth opened with disbelief. Kevin chuckled and hugged the boy back. “Hey buddy, how are you?”

“Is good!” Odin exclaimed.

Lauren chuckled as she walked over to her husband, kissing him softly. Nick happily pulled her in and kissed her back.

“Welcome home love.” Lauren said before looking towards Kevin’s way chuckling softly. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you since I told him you were coming home with Daddy.”

Kevin’s heart melted as a smile graced his face. “I really appreciate you guys letting me come over for the night.”

“Of course, you’re family.” Lauren replied.

“Uncle Kevin, come play with me!”

“I’d love to buddy.” Kevin grinned, letting the young boy take his hand and lead him into the living room as Nick followed his wife to the kitchen. They kept their voices low knowing Kevin was right behind them.

“How’s he actually doing?” Lauren asked softly.

Nick sighed softly as he grabbed the plates and cups down out of the cabinets. “He’s still struggling with everything, he didn’t get focused until I invited him to stay with us tonight.”

Lauren’s heart broke. “I just..can’t believe…”

Nick sat the plates down and pulled his love into his arms, Lauren trying her hardest not to cry to loud.

“Shhh, I know.” Nick said softly, kissing her head. He looked out into the living room watching Kevin play with Odin and his spaceship. Kevin was in his own world with the little boy. Lauren finally calmed down and wiped her face.

“You okay?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lauren smiled.

Lauren finished dinner as Nick set the table. “Come and eat.”

Odin jumped up and ran to his chair, Kevin slowly making his way up and followed. The family sat down and ate happily. Once dinner was over, Nick gave Odin his bath and Kevin couldn’t help but beam with pride at how far his little brother truly had come.

Once Odin was bathed and he said goodnight, Nick took him to his room and grabbed the book he had been reading to him, Odin throwing his little basketball plush he had. Nick sat on the rug that was next to his son’s treehouse bed.

“Odin, come here.” Nick motioned for his boy.

Odin looked at his Dad. “Can Uncle Kevin read to me tonight?”

Nick smiled and nodded, not able to say no or get upset. “Sure, let me go get him.”

Odin bounced happily on the rug waiting for his Uncle to come in. Kevin appeared and smiled, sitting down next to the boy. He tried everything not to let the memories get to him, he wanted to enjoy the time he had with his nephew.

“Your Dad said you wanted me to read to you.” Kevin smiled.

Odin happily nodded his head and climbed into his Uncle’s lap. Kevin opened the book up to the page that had been bookmarked and began to read. He held Odin close as he read, the boy wiggling but finally getting settled down, holding his little plush basketball close to him. Kevin finished the book and smiled softly seeing the sleepiness in his nephew’s eyes.

“Alright, bedtime.” Kevin said.

Odin got up and climbed the steps into the top part of his bed, laying down. Kevin reached inside the small door to pull the blankets up over him.

“Night Uncle Kevin.” Odin said, his eyes closing.

“Night buddy.” Kevin spoke softly.

Kevin closed Odin’s door carefully before heading back towards the living room where he saw Lauren and Nick snuggled up on the couch. He closed his eyes and took a breath before making himself known, clearing his throat. Lauren and Nick turned and smiled softly at the older man.

“He asleep?” Lauren asked.

Kevin nodded, moving over to the couch. “Out like a light.”

Nick smiled softly. “Thanks for doing that.”

“Of course, I’m gonna head on to bed.” Kevin yawned softly.

“See you in the morning bro, we don’t have to be back until early afternoon.”

Kevin nodded and hugged his brother and sister before heading to the guest room Lauren had prepared for him. He stripped out of his clothes and laid down in the soft sheets of the bed, slipping into a dreamless sleep, one he needed desperately.

Kevin woke up the next morning feeling the best he had since….He shook his head and pulled the sheets back. Remembering he wasn’t at home, he pulled his clothes back on before heading out and towards the living room, stopping when he heard his brother’s voice.

Since the fans knew about Kristin and the boys, Nick knew he’d be okay talking to Odin about Kevin staying the night with them. Kevin stayed quiet watching Nick walk around the kitchen with his phone.

“Odin, who stayed with us last night?” Nick asked, walking over to the table with his boy’s breakfast.

Odin looked up and smiled. “Uncle Kevin.”

Kevin smiled softly watching Father and son interact with each other, waiting for Nick to sign off before making himself known. Nick smiled seeing his older brother up and awake.

“Hey, morning.” Nick beamed.

“Morning.” Kevin nodded.

Odin turned hearing his Uncle’s voice and beamed happily. “Hi Uncle Kevin!”

Kevin chuckled and moved over to the boy, hugging him tight. “Morning buddy.”

“Hungry?” Nick asked.

Kevin nodded, happy to eat whatever Nick was willing to make for him. The two men sat down next to Odin eating happily.

“How’s Lauren doing?” Kevin asked.

“Good, can’t believe I’m going to be a Dad again.” Nick beamed.

“I’m so glad things have gone smoothly so far.”

“So am I.” Nick bit his lip. “I don’t think I could handle seeing her go through another loss.”

“Hey, it’ll be okay.” Kevin reassured the younger man.

Nick smiled and nodded knowing they needed to get on the road soon. Once Lauren was awake and Odin was settled, the two said goodbye and headed back to Cali.

The others saw a massive change in Kevin, looking at the blonde shocked. Kevin had went from depressed and uncaring to full focus on what was going on, the group making massive progress in many areas, including approving their stage.

“What the Hell happened at your place?” AJ asked, wide eyed looking at the younger blonde.

“I let him spend time with Odin, got him out of that blasted house of his.” Nick shrugged.

AJ thought for a moment before running over to the dark haired man. As the weeks went on, AJ and Nick passed Kevin back and forth like two parents. It could never be enough to repay the older man for what he had done for either of them, but the two youngest felt it was at least some form of repayment by keeping Kevin away from the house that seemed to be drowning the man.

Chapter Text

The tour kicked off strong, shows were selling out, and the Backstreet World had exploded. They were all over the news, setting new records, and the army was going crazy. What the camera and fans didn’t see or know was Kevin’s withdrawal from everything. Sure he was interactive and all smiles on stage and during the meet and greets, but it was all autopilot.

It didn’t help that Kristin had changed plans at the last minute, deciding that the boys would be to much for Kevin to watch on his own despite the other wives being there to help watch them while the guys performed. Max and Mason were heartbroken and Kevin was not only crushed, but pissed off. How dare she think he couldn’t handle his sons on his own!

Brian watched his cousin from a distance, they were in Paris and enjoying the sites on their day off. The group had just made their way to one of their favorite restaurants for lunch, Kevin sitting the furthest away on his phone. Most of the family were with them, some left behind back in the states. Brian was missing his family but in a way, he was glad they were back home so he could focus on Kevin.

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Nick asked suddenly, sitting next to his best friend with Odin in his lap. Lauren sitting down next to him.

Brian sighed softly as he pulled his nephew into his arms after seeing the blonde haired boy reach out for him. Once Odin was secured in Brian’s arms, he looked up at Nick.

“Not good and I’m worried.” Brian replied. “He’s talking to himself more and is on his phone constantly.”

Lauren wrapped her arms around Nick, laying her head on his shoulder gently. “I think he’s just still trying to adjust to everything that’s happened.”

Brian nodded. “I know, but…” He was interrupted by a small tug on his shirt sleeve. He looked down at the little boy in his lap.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Kevin?” Odin asked.

The three adults didn’t know how to respond before Brian cleared his throat. “Uncle Kevin is missing his family.”

“Is that why he’s sad?” The little boy’s questions were innocent and Brian nodded softly.

“Yeah buddy, that’s why he’s sad.”

Odin looked down as if he was deep in thought before wiggling trying to get down off his Uncle’s lap. Brian held onto Odin looking at his parents.

“You can let him down.” Lauren nodded.

Brian sat Odin down onto the ground and watched the toddler run over to his Uncle. Kevin wasn’t expecting a pair of arms attempt to wrap around his middle, looking down seeing Odin next to him.

“Kris, I need to go. I’ll talk to you soon.” Kevin said, hanging up his phone and setting it on the table. He scooted his chair back just enough so the boy could climb up into his lap. Kevin helped get him settled before getting arms wrapped around him.

“Don’t be sad Uncle Kevin” Odin said, “we here with you.”

Kevin didn’t know what to say but the tears fell. He pulled his nephew closer to him, loving the feel of the boy’s arms around him. He held Nick’s son close to him, oh how he wished his own boys were with him.

Brian, Nick, and Lauren watched with tears in their eyes. Nick was so glad he had decided to bring Odin with him. Having the other kids with them seemed to be helping Kevin have some sense of reality about him.

“Sorry we’re late.” Howie voice cut through the silence. He saw the tears and instantly became worried. Leigh ushered the boys to their seats as AJ slid into the chair on the other side of his best friend.

The others wiped their face and nodded towards were Odin and Kevin were. Leigh sat down between Howie and Holden.

“He ran right to Kevin after Brian told him he was sad.” Lauren explained.

AJ bit his lip, he kinda knew what his older brother was going through. He missed his girls so much and hated how Rochelle felt like she couldn’t be with him because of how bullied she had been by fans.

James and Holden looked at each other then back to their Uncle and cousin. Odin had let his Uncle go and was now sitting in Kevin’s lap, the two talking to each other.

“Will Uncle Kevin ever eat with us again?” Holden asked, looking up at his Mom.

“Yes baby boy, he’s just going through a hard time right now.” Leigh smiled, running her hand through her son’s blonde hair.

The family settled down and ordered their food, getting a surprise when they saw Kevin get up with Odin in his arms and walked their way. Odin almost fell out of Kevin’s arms reaching out for his parents. Kevin caught him and gave his first real chuckle in weeks handing him back to his Mother.

Brian pulled the chair out and looked at his cousin. “Kev..please.”

Kevin nodded and slid down next to his cousin, scooting his chair up to the table. The kids smiled happily seeing their Uncle back with them again. The family ate and kept the conversation as light as possible. Once they were done and the bills were paid, they headed out and went their separate ways, wanting to spend the rest of the day with their families, Howie letting AJ tag along much to James and Holden’s delight. Nick offered but Kevin and Brian declined politely. Once everyone was gone, Brian looked up at his cousin.

“What are you going to do?”

Kevin looked at his younger cousin and sighed. “I don’t know, I really don’t feel like being out anymore.”

“Why don’t you head back to the hotel and try to rest.” Brian suggested. “I can tell you haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I haven’t..” Kevin trailed off. “Every time I close my eyes…” He stopped and looked down.

“It’s okay cuz.” Brian pulled the older man into his arms and hugged him tight, Kevin relaxing in his cousin’s warm embrace.

The two pulled away and smiled softly at each other. “I think I will head back, enjoy the rest of your day off cuz.”

Brian nodded and watched the older man disappear before heading off on his own seeing what he could Insta for his fans and the family he left behind at home.

A few hours later, and many failed attempts to sleep, Kevin laid on his back in the bed of his hotel room. His hands were behind his head as he stared at the ceiling like he had done so many other nights since Kristin had left him, leaving a sinking feeling in his stomach that she wasn’t coming back.

Chapter Text

As the tour went on, Kevin became more and more withdrawn, putting himself fully on autopilot for the fans, but even they were starting to notice a change in the oldest. His smile wasn’t as big and his green eyes were dark and almost lifeless. The guys were thankful their first break was on the horizon so Kevin could go home and decompress from everything and go see his boys.

Howie looked at his band mates shaking his head seeing Kevin on his phone again. He sat down on the plush couch relaxing before they went on.

“Guys, I’m really getting worried.” Howie said softly.

The others nodded and leaned over huddled around each other so Kevin wouldn’t hear them, keeping their voices to a whisper.

“I know, but what can we do?” Nick asked, his voice full of worry.

“There’s really nothing we can do right now” AJ reasoned, “we only have a two week break, that doesn’t give us much time to really set anything up.”

The four went silent feeling helpless. They wanted to help their brother in anyway they could, but they truly were at a point where they couldn’t, plus they knew Kevin needed to ask for the help and they couldn’t force it on the older man.

“I’m hoping once he sees Mason and Max he will perk back up.” Brian sighed. “I know Kris pulling the rug out from under him like that didn’t help matters.”

The others agreed, all stunned Kristin had done such a thing to Kevin and the boys. Nick looked up noticing Kevin getting off his phone.

“Here he comes.” Nick warned, causing the four to quickly sit back up and break their little huddle up just as Kevin reached them. He looked at the four as if a parent had just caught their kids planning something.

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked, his voice accusing and suspicious.

The four shook their heads. “Nothing cuz, just talking about the break coming up.”

Kevin raised a thick brow but nodded, letting it go, he really wasn’t in the mood to argue with them. He sat down next to his cousin sighing softly. Brian reached over and rubbed the dark haired man’s back lovingly. Kevin relaxed feeling the hand on his back and was grateful to his cousin.

“Not to much longer and we will be back in the states and you can go see them.” Brian encouraged.

Kevin nodded softly and gave an even softer smile. “I know cuz and I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”

“Don’t be” AJ shook his head, “this has shaken all of us all we can do is stick together like we always have.”

Kevin nodded and the four hovered over their oldest brother hugging him close. Kevin felt the tears and leaned into their warmth and love for him.

“Thanks guys.” Kevin said softly.

They broke away just as the door opened and they got their five minute warning. Kevin wiped his tears and looked at his brothers before standing up.

“Let’s do this.”

They went through their ritual pre-show prayer. It was Nick’s turn and the youngest threw in an extra prayer for Kevin making the older man smile. They broke away and were determined to make it through another night together.

The last few shows of the first leg went quick and Kevin found himself on the plane that would take him back to the states, his first stop was in Kansas City to see the boys and hopefully talk Kristin into letting them come on the road with him for the US leg.

He felt the plane come to a landing and waited knowing there was no point in trying to rush out. Once the plane had almost emptied, he grabbed his carryon and headed out. Kristin knew he was coming but wasn’t coming to get him so once he got his luggage, he went to get the keys to his rental. Once he got his things in the car, he got in and headed for Kristin’s.

“DAD!” Mason and Max screamed seeing Kevin pull into the drive and stopped the car. Kevin got out and chuckled seeing his boys charging towards him. He bent down and wrapped his arms around both of them, holding them closer and tighter than he had ever done.

“I missed you two so much.” Kevin mumbled.

“We missed you too.”

Kevin let them go and stood back up, the three headed towards the small one story house Kristin had found. It was modest and perfect for a single parent with two little ones. The three made it up the porch, the boys bouncing in seeing Kristin walking into the living room.

“Mom! Dad’s back!”

Kristin nodded looking at the man she had called her husband for so long. “Welcome back, how was it?”

Kevin gave the best smile he could and nodded softly. “Good, most of the arenas were sold out or close to it.”

“That is so amazing to hear!” Kristin smiled, genuinely happy for Kevin and the others.

Max and Mason looked between their parents, both still holding onto hope that they would be going home soon. Kristin looked down at her two blonde babies and rubbed their heads.

“Why don’t you two go play while your Dad and I talk.”

“Okay!”

Both boys scurried off into the other room to play on the XBox, once the boys were out of sight and out of ear range, Kristin motioned Kevin to sit down. The younger man sat down on the couch, Kristin sitting next to him but the space between them was there and Kevin hated it. Kristin looked down before speaking.

“I really am glad to hear things went well, I truly am sorry I didn’t let the boys go.” Kristin spoke softly.

“Thanks and it’s okay, I was hoping that you would let them go with us on the US leg.” Kevin replied, a bit of pleading in his voice.

Kristin shook her head. “I’ve already signed them up for camp and they are really looking forward to it.”

Kevin lowered his head and sighed softly. “I wish you would have talked to me about that first.”

“I’m sorry, it was a last minute thing.” Kristin explained.

“Last minute?” Kevin growled. “We talked almost every night and it didn’t once think to cross your mind?”

“Kev…”

Kevin shook his head and stood up. “Just admit it, you don’t want me around them.”

Kristin quickly stood up. “That’s not true and you know it!”

“I can’t do this right now, I’ll talk to you later.” Kevin turned to head out, stopping hearing his youngest’s voice.

“Dad? Why are you leaving?” Max asked.

Kevin closed his eyes and turned back around, walking over the confused child. Kevin bent down and pulled his son into his arms. Max wrapped his small arms around his Father, holding tight. He didn’t want Kevin to leave, he wanted to go home.

“I gotta get back to L.A.” Kevin explained.

“We wanna go too!” Max exclaimed.

Kevin nodded trying to keep the tears at bay. “I know you do and I wish you could.”

Kevin looked up seeing Mason standing in the doorway, he opened his other arm for his oldest. Mason quickly moved into his arms and Kevin let the tears fall.

“I love you both so much and I always will no matter how far away we are from each other.” Kevin whispered through the tears.

“We love you too Dad.” Mason replied.

“So much.” Max added.

Kevin kissed both their heads and let them go standing back up. “Be good for your Mom.”

The boys nodded wiping their tears watching Kevin turn and head out of the house. Kristin moved over to the two and hugged them tight.

“Come on boys, let’s get ready to eat.” The blondes nodded and followed their Mother into the kitchen.

The next couple of weeks went quick but Kevin was productive in the house. He fought to keep himself from drifting further into the darkness that was threatening to swallow him whole. He was eating, even if it wasn’t much, and he was keeping the house somewhat tidy. He and Kristin hadn’t talked much since that day, but he called each night to tell the boys goodnight.

Kevin sighed as he opened his mail box to get the mail, a large brown envelope took up most of the inside. A lump formed in his throat as he pulled it out along with the other mail, but forgetting about the rest once he was inside the house. He turned the large envelope over to open the flap, tears already threatening to fall, knowing what the papers were.

Kevin pulled them out seeing them already signed and waiting for his own, Kristin wanted a divorce. He looked through the pages learning long ago to never just assume everything was on the up and up and read over everything. She wasn’t asking for much, just money to help with the boys. She was happy to let Kevin have everything else since she was already settled into her own home. Kevin sighed and signed the papers, not wanting to fight it. If Kristin wanted to be let go, he would. He put the papers back in the envelope and laid it on the table, deciding to mail it later.

Chapter Text

Kevin looked down at his hand that was now bare after so long, it was wrong and didn’t feel right. He was once again on the market and single, two things he never thought would happen after he and Kristin had gotten back together after their small break from each over for about a year because of a stupid choice he made while over seas. They were in D.C. to start the US leg of the tour and it was a special night, one Kevin knew he needed to push his own problems away and smile the best he could.

The news of Baylee opening for them had caused a massive buzz in the fandom and Kevin couldn’t wait to see his cousin make his debut, they had even made a special intro video just for the teen full of encouragement and advice. It had been fun to do and it had kept Kevin’s mind off things for the few minutes it took to make it.

“Kevin…”

Kevin jumped back to reality looking up seeing the curly blonde haired teen walk in. “Hey, ready to do this?”

Baylee bit his lower lip and moved over to the leather couch sitting down, he was a nervous wreck. “Yes...no…maybe…” Baylee stuttered.

The older man smiled and scooted over to where the teen was putting a reassuring hand on his back, Baylee instantly relaxing feeling his cousin’s hand on him.

“I just...I’m in some pretty big shoes right now that I’m not sure I can fill.” Baylee admitted softly.

“Hey, none of us are expecting you to fill anyone’s shoes but your own.”

Baylee let a small smile grace his face looking up at his older cousin. “I just want to make Dad and you guys proud.”

The teen felt himself being pulled into the older man’s arms hugging him close. “Oh Bay, we are already proud of you. Just be yourself and you’ll be just fine.”

Baylee pulled away and smiled. “Thanks Kev, I guess something would be wrong with me if I wasn’t nervous.”

Kevin chuckled and nodded. “We’ve been doing this for almost Twenty-seven years and we still get nervous, especially with this tour since it’s our first major one in years.”

Baylee nodded. “I’m just thankful for the opportunity.”

“I know and you’re gonna kill it.”

A new sense of determination and confidence hit the teen. He hugged his older cousin and got up heading out to get ready. He turned back looking at the older man. “You’ll be out with Dad right?”

He smiled softly. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

With that, Baylee was gone and Kevin was alone again. He laid back against the couch and sighed softly. He was glad he could calm the teen down a bit but the tears still threatened to fall. He was missing his family despite what had happened in those two weeks he was off, Kris and the boys were still his in his mind.

Howie poked his head into the room. “Hey, Baylee is about to go on.”

Kevin looked up at the younger man. “Wow, it’s time already?”

“Yeah, ready?”

Kevin nodded and got up heading towards the door, Howie opening it for him, shutting it behind him. The two oldest headed for the sound booth just as the lights went down and Baylee’s special video came on. Brian smiled seeing the two standing next to the others as they watched the teen make his debut appearance. Brian didn’t hold the tears back as he recorded his son’s very first performance. Kevin and the others also beamed with pride, they could tell Bay was nervous and a bit shaky but it would get easier with each night. Leighanne wrapped her arms around Brian smiling happily watching her boy begin his path to making his dreams come true. Brian wrapped his arm around his loving wife not letting her go until Baylee was almost down to the last few songs so he could go back and get ready with the others. Leighanne took over making sure to get the rest of the performances. It was a great way to start the next leg of the tour.

“So, how’s things going?” Kristin asked, her phone laying between her shoulder and ear. She was doing some cleaning while they talked.

“Going well actually, Baylee is getting amazing responses from the fans.” Kevin replied, playing with the string of his pajama bottoms. They were on their way back to Canada after doing a few shows then making a quick trip back to the states to the Twin Cities then back up to Canada.

“Good, I’m so glad to hear that, course I really had no doubt he’d be a hit with the fans.”

Kevin chuckled softly. “How are the boys?”

It took a few minutes for Kristin to answer as she got her supper out of the oven, shutting it off before she forgot. “They are doing good, really enjoying summer camp. Have they not called you?”

“They have but their timing is about as good as my own.” Kevin sighed.

“Oh, Lord help us all.” Kristin teased.

Kevin couldn’t even respond, he knew he was Mr. Late and had finally embraced it, not letting it get to him anymore.

“Yeah well, they had to inherit something from me since they both got your hair.” Kevin teased back.

Kristin laughed and Kevin melted, he missed her laugh. Hell, he missed everything about her. His heart ached knowing they would never be together again. The two old lovers went silent, neither knowing what to say.

“Well hey, my supper is getting cold.” Kristin finally said.

“Shit, I’m sorry, “ Kevin apologized, “please don’t let me keep you.”

“It’s okay, it’s getting late anyways and I have to get up early.”

“I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Yeah, talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Kevin heard the beep of the call ending and pulled his phone away from him, laying it on his bunk. He wasn’t sure how long he stared at the ceiling of his bunk before he finally drifted off. He wanted things to go back to normal, his entire world had gone hazy and he had no idea if he would ever make it out of the fog.

Chapter Text

Baylee sighed softly as he walked down the halls backstage of the Staples Center. It was like a dream being there, but he had other things on his mind. Kevin was getting to the point that even the crew members were starting to question things and what was going on with the oldest. Baylee wanted to talk to his Dad but knew it wasn’t the time, the family was together for the first time since the tour started, he just wished his cousins were with them.

Baylee had just rounded the corner of the hallway when Ava’s squeal of happiness echoed in the hallway. Baylee watched as she bypassed her Dad and ran right to her Uncle Brian, AJ throwing his hands up in defeat and flopping into the chair next to Rochelle pouting playfully. Rochelle comforted her sulking husband as Lyric made her way to her Father, AJ picking her up and holding her close.

“At least one of my girls still loves me.” AJ grumbled playfully.

Rochelle chuckled and leaned over kissing his head watching her oldest happily chatting away with her Uncle. Baylee was happy to see everyone together even if some members were missing. He sighed and moved his way over to them, being pulled into hugs and congratulations on how well he was doing. It eased his mind some, but the worry was still there.

Ava wiggled out of her Uncle’s arms and ran to her oldest cousin, wrapping her arms around him. Baylee smiled and hugged her back.

“Hi Baylee!” Ava smiled happily.

“Hey sweetie, how are you?” Baylee asked, letting her go.

“Good! Can’t wait to hear you sing!”

Rochelle chuckled seeing the red on the teen’s face. “She’s talked about nothing else since I told her we were coming.”

Baylee smiled looking at the young girl, bending down to her level. “I promise to give you my best performance yet.”

Ava squealed happily and hugged his neck before finally running to her Father and crawling into his lap. AJ shook his head but held his oldest close as Baylee stood back up seeing his own Father move over to him. Brian knew something was bothering his son but they had been so busy, they hadn’t had a chance to really sit down and talk.

Baylee felt his Father move closer to him. “Tonight we will talk, I know you need to get something off your chest.”

The younger man nodded. “I do, it’s just been crazy and I know we all need our sleep.”

“I know, but we can stay up long enough so we can talk about things.”

Baylee smiled. “Thanks Dad.”

Brian hugged his son and let him go so he could get ready. He had a nagging feeling this talk would revolve around Kevin and what was going on with their older cousin. Brian sighed and headed out to the sound booth just as he did every night to watch his son. Like every other show, it was over and done and Baylee found himself in the kitchen area at the table knowing Leighanne was asleep in the back. Baylee heard Brian coming out and walking over to where he was sitting, sliding down into the booth. They were silent for the longest time as the bus rolled down the road. They were both tired but Brian knew his son needed him.

“Dad, this can wait.” Baylee said, seeing the tiredness in Brian’s blue eyes.

The older man shook his head. “I’m fine, we need to talk.”

Baylee sighed knowing there was no point in going up against his Father’s stubbornness. “I’m worried about Kevin.”

Brian looked down. “I had a feeling that’s what this was about. Bub, there’s nothing we can do right now.”

“Yeah but..” Baylee argued, “we can’t just not do anything. Dad, he’s on his phone talking…”

“Baylee, we’re in the middle of a tour. I know that shouldn’t come first but at this point in time it does.” Brian interrupted, cutting the teen off.

Baylee leaned back against the booth feeling defeated. Was he really the only one who saw the older man descending further away from them? Brian sighed seeing the anger and disappointment in his son’s eyes remembering when he had been told the same thing, a sense of guilt hitting him.

“I’ll talk to your Uncles and see if we can come up with something.” Brian resolved. “I’m sorry Bub, I know our cousin needs help.”

Baylee’s body relaxed and his eyes went soft again, nodding softly. The two men got up and hugged each other close.

“I love you Dad.” Baylee mumbled softly.

“I love you too Bub.” Brian replied, holding his son a bit tighter. “Come on, lets go to bed.”

The teen nodded as they headed towards the bunks, crawling into their own and going to sleep. Baylee hoping something could be done so Kevin wouldn’t have to wait until their break started.

Brian groaned loudly over the next few days, the shows had been basically back to back with a day in between to just travel and this was something he didn’t want to do over the phone or text if he could help it, but getting the other three alone without Kevin getting suspicious was beyond impossible. Howie noticed the frustration on Brian’s face and knew the younger man needed to talk. He noticed Brian slip out and he quickly followed, AJ and Nick keeping Kevin occupied.

“Brian?” Howie asked, opening the door to the bathroom.

“In here.” Brian replied from the stall.

Howie walked up to the locked door. “What’s going on? We’ve all seen the look on your face and we know you are wanting to talk, assuming without Kev.”

Howie backed away as the door opened and Brian walked out, watching him move to the sink to wash his hands, drying them as he looked at the older man.

“Baylee cornered me the other night on the way to San Jose about Kevin.” Brian sighed, turning to lean against the sink. “He’s worried about him.”

“We all are Brian, but what can we do?” Howie asked. “We are in the middle of a tou..”

Howie stopped seeing the glare on Brian’s face and sighed. “Sorry.”

The blonde lightened his expression and looked down. “I actually said the same thing and then realized I sounded exactly like our old Management.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

“We need to talk but I didn’t want to do it over the phone.” Brian groaned, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“We may have to, it’s nonstop for the rest of the tour with one day in between to travel.” Howie reasoned, remembering what he could of the schedule.

Brian lowered his hand and looked up. “Okay, so we start a new group chat without Kev.”

Howie nodded in agreement, laying his hand on Brian’s back seeing the smile of appreciation. “Come on, you know the two babies can’t keep Kevin’s attention for long.” Brian laughed and nodded, following Howie out the bathroom door.

Brian groaned as he trudged onto his bus he was so ready for that break, but everything going on with Kevin was wearing him down as well. He slipped into the booth laying his phone on the table waiting for the group message to come through, rubbing his face.

“Babe?” Leighanne asked.

Brian looked to his right seeing his love standing in the doorway where the bunks were. He smiled softly but it was half hearted breaking her heart. She moved over to the booth and slid down next to him, wrapping her arm around him, Brian instantly leaning into her.

“Just waiting for the fellas to message me so we can talk.” Brian said softly.

“I hate seeing this.” Leighanne sighed.

“I know, that’s why we are going to try to think of something.” Brian sat up kissing her softly before pulling away hearing his phone go off.

“Why don’t you go on to bed Sweetie, I’ll be in a bit.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you’ve worked just as hard with Bub” Brian smiled, “go on to bed.”

Leighanne nodded and kissed him again before sliding out and heading to the back before looking back at her tired love. “I love you.”

Brian smiled and nodded. “I love you too baby.”

Brian put his attention back on his phone once Leighanne disappeared into their bunk across the way from Bay. He took a deep breath and picked his phone up, hitting the button.

“Okay, so what’s going on?” AJ messaged.

Brian gave the quick story to what had happened as the bus roared to life and headed down the road towards Philadelphia.

“I’ve noticed he’s been off, but has it gotten that bad?” Nick asked.

“Yeah and Bay is on my case about it.” Brian messaged back.

It went quiet for a moment before Brian’s phone went off, Howie’s message coming through.

“I have a friend who can maybe help, I could call her.”

“You know he’s not going to go for this.” Nick sent.

“What else can we do Nick?” AJ’s reply came through. “We can’t keep letting him do this to himself.”

The phones went silent, Brian not sure what to do or say, his fingers over his keyboard. He knew his cousin would fight this. He jerked out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed causing him to almost drop it. He looked at the message from Howie.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Brian wanted to laugh but he was too tired and texted back simply saying. “Good luck.”

He laid his phone down on the table and rubbed his face before getting up and headed back towards the bunks. He stripped his pants and shirt off before sliding into the small bed groaning inward seeing the pups curled up with his wife. He laid down and instantly felt his love scoot into his arms and snuggle. Brian smiled and kissed her head before laying down and falling asleep hoping Howie could talk some sense into his cousin.

Chapter Text

Howie sighed softly as he kept his phone close to him, trying to make sure no one heard him. It had been weeks since the four had talked but with the constant show here, travel, show there, he hadn’t had a chance to corner Kevin and talk to the older man. He was on the phone with a really good friend of his, hoping she would be able to help his older brother.

Howie and Ashley had been friends since college right before the slightly younger woman changed professions in between but the two remained friends. He had become one of her biggest supporters when she went to open her own practice. He had given her a quick rundown on what had happened letting her get an idea on what was going on.

“My God Howie, that’s horrible.” Ashley said, the shock and sadness in her voice.

“It is and it’s getting out of hand.” Howie sighed, sitting down on the couch that was in the family room backstage.

“When do you guys go on break?” She asked.

“Not for awhile yet and we will be in Kansas City but not for long.” Howie replied.

Ashley giggled softly and nodded. “Yes, I saw that.”

Howie chuckled. “Of course you did.”

The two friends went quiet for a moment before Ashley spoke again. “Do you have anything I could see just to really get an idea of how far he’s gone?”

“Yeah, I have a couple of videos, let me hang up and I’ll send them.”

The two said bye and hung up, Howie going to his gallery sending her both videos he had recorded. Howie was hoping once Kevin saw the videos he would wake up at least enough to see the effect he was having on the band and the family.

A few minutes later, a text came through. Howie opened it seeing it was from Ashley.

“That’s so sad and I would love to help, but remember I can’t help if he doesn’t reach out.” The text said.

Howie quickly texted back knowing Baylee was almost done and he had to get ready. “I know, but our break is still weeks away.”

After a few moments another text popped.. “Give him my number, I’ll happily do sessions with him over the phone until you guys can get out here.”

Howie sighed in relief knowing she was doing him a huge favor. “Thank you so much, I owe you.”

“Don’t you forget it!” The text came back, along with the laughing emoji.

Howie shook his head and put his phone away, his mind was still running but not as wild.

“Yo Howie, ready to go?” Brian asked, popping his head in.

The older man turned around and nodded. “Yeah, coming.”

It was another successful night and like all the others, it went quick. Howie was determined to get his brother alone. He told his driver he was going to ride with Kevin and slipped onto the dark haired man’s bus, waiting.

A few minutes later, Howie heard the door of the bus opened. He bit his lip as Kevin walked on and could see the tiredness in his eyes, his body was completely deflated and defeated. Running his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck turning his head to the left seeing Howie sitting at the small table.

“Howie, what are you doing here?” Kevin asked, the bus roaring to life and heading out.

“I need to talk to you.” Howie replied.

“D, I’m really tired. Can it wait?” Kevin asked, sighing softly. He just wanted to go to bed.

“No, Kev we are all worried about you. You haven’t been the same since the…”

“Don’t..Just don’t.” Kevin interrupted.

Howie got up and moved over to the older man. He didn’t care that Kevin was taller than him, Howie could hold his ground when he needed to. Their eyes met and red could be seen in both.

“Howie don’t do this.” Kevin warned.

“I’m not afraid of you Kevin, I’m doing this for the group and for the family we have worked so hard to create together.” Howie’s feet were planted firmly on the ground, refusing to move.

“What are you talking about?” Kevin asked, completely lost.

Howie pulled his phone up and unlocked it, bringing up the first of the two videos he had recorded. Kevin watched with dark eyes glaring at the younger man.

“You were recording me??!” Kevin seethed.

Howie wasn’t phased as he hit the play button and showed him the phone simply saying. “Watch.”

Kevin huffed and decided to entertain the other man, watching the video. It didn’t take long for him to realize a few key elements were missing when it came with talking to someone on the phone. He saw the sadden look on the other man’s face before looking at the video again as it ended. Howie pulled it away and started the next video watching the tears begin to fall from the other man’s eyes. His hand came up and rubbed his back gently.

“Kev, you’re scaring the kids, Baylee is struggling with how you are around him.” Howie said softly. “We just want our brother back, the kids want their Uncle and cousin back.”

Howie carefully took his phone out of Kevin’s hand, the older saying nothing as he stood there silently. His mind was slowly processing what he had just seen looking at him.

Howie handed him a piece of paper, Kevin taking it and looking at him. Howie patted his back gently.

“She’s a friend of mine and is willing to help you.” Howie explained. “She’s an amazing therap..”

Kevin jerked away his eyes dark and angry. “So you think I’m crazy?!”

Howie shook his head. “No Kev, I’m just trying to..”

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP HOWIE AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!”

Howie backed away and nodded. “Fine, but the number is there once you get your head out of your ass.”

Knowing he was stuck on the bus until the next city, Howie moved towards the back where the bunks were. He slid into the lower bunk and stripped off his shirt and pants, laying them at the end of the bed. After a few moments, Kevin slid into his bed pulling his own shirt and pants away, deciding to keep his boxers on as much as he hated wearing clothes to bed. He just wanted to sleep. It was a sleepless night for the dark haired man, tossing and turning as the videos played over in his head.

Chapter Text

Kevin looked at the paper in his hand, he’d been staring at it almost everyday since Howie had given it to him. He had apologized to the younger man for the other night on the bus, but he still refused to believe he needed help. Sighing softly he grabbed his phone and unlocked it, typing in the number but not hitting the call button. He growled before tossing his phone onto the table still staring at the number. He wasn’t crazy...He didn’t need help...So why were those videos still plaguing his mind?

Sighing, he picked up his phone again and turned it back on, the number still on the screen. Taking a deep breath, he hit the call button and put his phone to his ear, waiting.

After a couple of rings, a soft female voice answered the phone. “Thank you for calling Healing Hearts, this is Rachel, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m looking for an Ashley Michaels.” Kevin replied.

“May I ask who’s calling?” Rachel asked.

Kevin bit his lip and momentarily wanted to hang up but instead answered the woman’s question.

“Kevin...Kevin Richardson. My friend recommended me to her.”

Rachel pushed her pink glasses back up onto her nose. “Just a moment.” She pressed the hold button before transferring him to Ashley.

“Ashley, you have a call on line one.” Rachel said.

“Thanks Rachel, I’ll take it from here.” Ashley replied, hitting the flashing button. “Hello, this is Ashley.”

Kevin closed his eyes. “Hi, this is Kevin Richardson, my friend Howie told me you could help me.”

Ashley perked up in her leather chair happily. “Yes, I am so glad to hear from you.”
Kevin relaxed hearing her kind voice. “I won’t be able to visit for a few weeks yet but….”

“No no, I know you are on tour right now.” Ashley replied, smiling softly.

Kevin’s eyes went wide hearing her. “How...How much do you know?”

“Howie gave me a quick rundown on what’s going on and sent me the two videos he had taken.” Ashley answered. “Did he show them to you?”

The older man closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes, they are the big reason I finally called you.”

“I’m so glad you did and i will be happy to begin our sessions over the phone until you can visit the office.”

“That’s really nice of you, I truly appreciate it.” Kevin smiled softly. “We have a day off before the Indy show.”

Ashley quickly opened up her appointment book looking at her upcoming dates. “I’d be able to call you on the 9th.”

“Sounds good.”

The two set up a time, Ashley writing down the time they had agreed on and hung up. She was so relieved to hear the man’s voice and truly hoped she could help him. Kevin put his phone down and sighed softly. Now all he could do was wait until the 9th and pray Ashley could help him. He got ready to go, heading for the arena. He knew he had to put on that smile and do the job he was expected to do.

Kevin sighed looking at the clock, his phone in his hand. He jumped when it rang right on time, answering on the third ring.

“Hello?” Kevin said.

“Hey, how are you today?” Ashley asked.

Kevin took a deep breath. “I’m okay, honestly, I’m ready for this leg of the tour to be over.”

Ashley chuckled softly. “I’m sure.”

Over the next hour and a half, Ashley eased Kevin into their sessions keeping the conversations light and easy, asking questions about his childhood and getting to really know the man behind the boy band. Kevin found it easy to talk to the younger woman and for the first time, his entire body relaxed.
Ashley looked at the time and knew she had another appointment. “Kevin, our time is up for today.”

Kevin nodded softly. “Okay, thank you so much.”

“Of course and hopefully we can start moving towards the real issues.”

“Yes.” Kevin agreed.

“Okay, I will talk to you…” Ashley looked at her schedule, Kevin not realizing she had his schedule up as well. “How bout…”

“We are busy just about every day until our break.” Kevin interrupted, sighing softly.

Not wanting to give off the fact she knew that, she gave a suggestion. “Why not talk again once you’re on break, will you be okay until then?”

“I think so.”

“Let me give you my personal number and you can call me if you need to talk.”

Kevin sighed. “Thank you.”

Ashley gave him her number and reassured the older man he could call her at any time. They hung up and Kevin closed his eyes, he felt some weight lift off of him but there was still a heavy fog in Kevin’s world. He decided to get out of his hotel room and get some fresh air, praying the fog would be lifted soon.

It was a rough couple of weeks, but Kevin held on and finally was able to talk to Ashley. Things were starting to clear up and Kevin was beginning to realize just how far he had gone and Ashley was anxious to get Kevin into her office so they could talk face to face. Once the tour ended, Kevin became serious about his sessions and with his brothers and sisters behind him, he knew he could get through all this. As time went on, the fog was clearing and Kevin realized he hadn’t lived in LA for a long time, not since Kris and the boys had left him.

Kevin sighed softly as he looked around his house. It was only one story with a normal sized kitchen/living room combo, three bedrooms, and one bath. He knew he wouldn’t need much since it was only him and he had no plans to put himself out there on the dating block again anytime soon. He knew he needed to get going even though he didn’t want to do this but it was helping even if his mind was still in denial of what had become of his life. He grabbed his stuff and headed out to his car. He opened the door and slid in, taking a moment before starting it up and heading for the city. He pulled into the parking lot of the building, it wasn’t as big as the other offices nearby, but Kevin loved that. It felt welcoming and safe. He got out of his car and locked it, looking to the left he saw Howie and Brian’s cars already there as he headed into the building. He checked in and smiled softly seeing his cousin and brother sitting there.

“Hey, we were getting ready to call you.” Howie said softly, getting up to hug the older man.

Kevin hugged him back doing the same with his cousin before the three sat down and waited. It didn’t take long and they were headed to the back, Kevin lagging behind just slightly, trying to keep his mind from drifting back into the reality it had been in, the false one he had been living.

Howie opened the door and let the other two men in before shutting it. Brian going over to the plushed chair, Howie doing the same as Kevin took his place in the large chair in front of the desk that was in the room. Kevin closed his eyes and tried to relax, he had been coming to once a week for the last three months while they were on break, it was helping but there were some things Kevin was still struggling with.

Kevin looked over seeing Howie and Brian with their phones, Nick and AJ Facetiming. He knew the two youngest couldn’t always fly to Missouri so having them in some form was enough.

“How you doing bro?” AJ asked.

“Okay,” Kevin replied, “still struggling some.”

“You know we’d be there if we were closer.” Nick sighed.

Kevin nodded. “I know Nick, I’m just glad you guys can be here in some way.”

The door opened and Ashley walked in. She smiled softly at the men in the room as she shut the door.

“Gentlemen.” She nodded, walking over to her desk and laying the folders down onto it. She was about the same height as Brian with long dark hair and a bit on the heavier side, but she carried herself well. She wore a pair of black slacks, white shirt, and a black coat over it.

AJ and Nick went quiet, watching and wishing they could be there in person. Howie and Brian made sure their phones stayed steady in their hands as they also went silent.

“How are we today?” Ashley asked.

“Okay, my mind isn’t fading back into the world it's created as much.” Kevin replied.

“That’s good!” Ashley beamed. “Means we are making progress.”

Kevin gave a soft smile and nodded, he knew there was still a long way to go but he was trying.

“So, would you like to pick up from where we left off?”

Kevin took a deep breath and nodded, he was still struggling and would stop after a certain point, but knew he had to push through to move forward.

Howie, Brian, AJ, and Nick held their breath as they watched Ashley lay out a large envelope facing Kevin. Kevin in turn laying his phone next to it, this was a big step for the older man since their previous session had been with him still in the mindset his brain had created to keep from having to deal with the reality of what had happened.

“Whenever you are ready.”

Kevin nodded and took a deep breath closing his eyes and trying to relax. His mind was trying to run back to the world it had created, but Kevin wouldn’t let it. He was determined to get past this and be able to finally move on with his life so he could finally heal.

The others watched as Kevin reached over for his phone, laying his hand over it. Ashley knew he always started with the phone, but once the questions began, his mind would give him answers from the false world, she was wondering today if he would allow the truth to come out.

“Kevin, are you with me?” She asked softly.

The older man nodded softly, his breathing was level for now. “Yes.”

“What happened that day your phone rang?” She asked and the questions began.

“We were in Vegas for our last show.” Kevin began. “We were getting ready to go on when my phone rang. I was getting ready to answer it when Brian told me it was time to go so I let it ring.”

Brian looked down, he himself was still guilt ridden about pulling Kevin away from his phone that night. Howie looked over seeing the guilt on the younger man’s face, his hand moved over and squeezed Brian’s leg in comfort. Brian looked up seeing the soft look on the other man’s face, one that showed no anger or blame towards him, only love. Brian smiled softly and wiped his face before putting his focus back on his cousin.

*What happened after?” Ashley continued, hoping he wouldn’t close up.

“Aft...After the show was over, I ran right to my phone and saw the missed calls and texts I had. I instantly went to my voicemail.” Kevin stopped, tears threatening to fall.

“Who left you the voicemail?”

“Kristin...no...It was the nurse from the hospital telling me about the accident.” Kevin’s lip began to quiver. “Sh..she sounded so much like Kris, I didn’t want to believe what she was saying.”

The room went silent except the soft sobbing noises coming from the grieving man. “When I got there, they told me there was nothing else they could do, that they had tried everything they could to save them. The doctor said they were hit by another driver who was trying to get away from the police and they ran the light.”

Kevin fisted his hand that was laying over the phone into a ball tightening it around the device for a moment before letting it go.

Ashley kept her features soft but professional,on the inside however, her heart was breaking for the man in front of her. He had lost his entire family in one night and she couldn’t even imagine the pain he was going through thinking of her own girl at home.

“What about the videos?”

“They were the reason I called you finally.” Kevin answered.

“And what were the videos about?” She pressed.

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he allowed the videos to play inside his head once again. “One...One was me answering my phone yet it hadn’t rang and proceeded to have a conversation with no one.” Kevin took a breath trying to process and accept he hadn’t talked to his wife since the day before the accident.

Ashley allowed the older man to take a moment before continuing knowing the second video was even harder for Kevin to talk about.

“The second video….Is me calling my little cousin by my oldest’s name and not his own.” Tears fell but Ashley was so proud of him, this had been the first time Kevin had been able to admit he had called Baylee Mason on many occasions while in the world he had created for himself, creating a wedge between them that Kevin hated and was trying to tear down.

“Why did you move to Missouri?” She asked.

“To be closer to them.” Replied the older man. “I…” The tears continued to fall, Ashley grabbing the box of kleenex from the side of her desk handing it to him. He took a few and blew his nose, giving a small smile of gratitude.

The others were trying to keep their own tears at bay, the family was still struggling with the loss of their three members, they were still broken. Nick looked over seeing his love slipping next to him, he pulled her close so she could watch as well, Rochelle doing the same with AJ.

“Kev, do you need to stop for the day?” Howie asked worriedly.

Kevin bit his lip, he knew if he kept stopping when the memories got hard, he would never be able to move on.

“No, I want..need to keep going.” Kevin said.

“Don’t push too hard, there’s no rush.” Ashley reminded.

Kevin nodded and took a deep breath. “I know, but I need to get past this at least.”

After a few moments, Kevin nodded for Ashley to continue with the questions.

“Why were they buried here?” She asked.

Kevin sighed. “To be closer to her family.”

Over the next hour, Kevin and Ashley continued their question and answering back and forth, Kevin stopping in between to catch his breath. Finally, he took his hand from his phone and looked over at the envelope laying next to the phone, Kevin biting his lip.

“Kevin, we can stop for the day and pick up next week.”

Kevin nodded, he couldn’t handle the envelope after what he had done that day, he needed a break.

“I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished today.” Ashley praised.

“Thanks.” Kevin smiled.

“Okay, I will see you next week and we will focus on this envelope.” Ashley got up and gathered her papers, Kevin gulping loudly watching her put the envelope with her other files.

“Bye all.”

The others said their goodbyes before watching the woman walk out. Kevin got up and stretched before moving over to the others looking at Howie and Brian’s phones.

“Thanks for being here.”

“Of course, we love you.” Rochelle replied.

“We will talk to you soon bro.” Nick smiled.

“Yes, we will.” Lauren reaffirmed.

AJ and Nick went off and the phones went black. Howie and Brian pocketed their phones and stood up, stretching.

“Wanna go get some food?” Brian asked.

Kevin heard his stomach growl and nodded. “Sounds good.”

The three men headed out to grab some food before heading home. Kevin finally dragged himself into the small house and sat his stuff back onto the small side table by the door before trudging to his room and going to bed.

Chapter Text

Over the next few weeks, Kevin tried to come to terms with what was in the envelope, but his mind wasn’t allowing him to accept what was in it. He tried not to get discouraged and Ashley kept reassuring him that he would be able to overcome this just as he had with his phone. Christmas came and even though it was rough, Kevin made due the best he could. He had gone to Brian’s and spent the holiday with his family. He had also made sure to send gifts to the rest of the family. Baylee was happy to see his cousin in higher spirits even if his smile didn’t go fully to his ears quite yet.

Even though they had the rule of not contacting each other when on break, the family Facetimed each other to wish Kevin a Merry Christmas and say thank you for the gifts. Kevin was happy to see the smiles on the kids' faces as they opened their gifts from him.

Baylee sat down next to his cousin on the tan couch smiling softly. “Are you okay?”

Kevin looked at the teen and nodded. “Yeah, trying not to think too much.”

Baylee nodded. “I know, it doesn’t feel right.” He looked down at his hands.

Kevin pulled him into arms, holding him close. “I know it doesn’t.”

Brian and Leighanne held each other watching the cousins comfort each other, it was hurting them as well not having Kris and the boys with them.

Baylee sat up after a few minutes wiping his face. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Kevin reassured the teen.

The family calmed down and continued the festivities knowing Kris and the boys would want them to enjoy the day the best they could. Kevin stayed the night with his cousins and headed out early the next morning after breakfast.

The New Year was here and Kevin knew he would be going back to his therapy sessions but it would only be Brian accompanying him since Howie would be out in Omaha with his play. Kevin headed his way towards his first session. He pulled into his normal spot and got out, seeing only his cousin’s car nearby. He closed the car door and headed inside where Brian greeted him by the door.

“Ready for this?” Brian asked, a bit of worry in his voice.

Kevin signed in and nodded. “I can’t keep hiding from it.”

The two men were called back and headed into the familiar room, sitting in their respective chairs waiting for Ashley. About ten minutes had passed before the door opened back up and she appeared, smiling softly.

“Afternoon.” She greeted, moving inside and shutting the door, walking to her desk and sitting down.

“How was your holiday?” She asked, trying to keep things light for now.

“Was tough, but I made it through. Spent it with family.” Kevin replied, grateful she wasn’t wanting to dive right into the subject for the day.

Ashley smiled looking over at the younger man, Brian giving one back towards her. “We weren’t going to let him spend it by himself.”

“I’m glad to hear you were around family and haven’t shut yourself out from everyone you love.”

Kevin smiled at the kind and soft praise. He couldn’t have asked for a better therapist and would forever be grateful to Howie for getting in contact with her.

After a few minutes, the air shifted and became tense and serious. Kevin knew he needed to at least try and push through this part of the false world his mind has created.

“Are you ready?” Ashley asked.

Taking a huge breath and slowly letting it out, he nodded looking at her. “Yes, I wanna try to at least get them out.*

Ashley nodded before reaching down to her left and pulling out the bottom drawer grabbing the envelope. Kevin bit his lip as she laid it down onto the desk in front of him. Brian watched quietly as the tears slowly fell from his blue eyes.

“Do you want me to open it?” Ashley asked.

Kevin let out a slow breath and shook his head. “No, I need to do it.”

Picking the envelope up, tears fell as he turned it around and flipped open the flap. Reaching inside the brown colored envelope, Kevin pulled out the contents contained inside. He stared at them not saying a word.

“Kevin?”

Wiping his face and letting out a sigh, he laid the papers down over the desk. The documents were the last bit of fog that needed to be lifted for Kevin to finally be free from the world he had created. The documents had his family’s names on them, but they weren’t divorce papers that Kevin’s mind had tricked him into believing, they were death certificates.

“They are the de...dea….” Kevin closed his eyes.

“It’s okay Kevin, take your time.” Ashley soothed softly.

After a few moments and a few deep breaths he said. “They are the death certificates.”

Hearing those words, Kevin felt the entire weight and fog lift off and as if he was seeing the world clearly for the first time, Kevin turned to look at his cousin with those light green eyes the younger man had missed so much.

“Good to have you back cuz.” Brian smiled.

“It’s good to be back.” Kevin replied.
Ashley smiled seeing the weight being lifted off the man. “How do you feel?”

Kevin turned back around looking at the woman who had helped him more than she would ever know and said. “Free.”

Ashley wrote a few things down in his folder and put it away, Kevin gathering up the documents and putting them away. He shook Ashley’s hand and thanked her for everything before heading out with his cousin, hugging the younger man tight.

“Thank you.” Kevin whispered.

“We’re family, it’s what we do.” Brian replied. “Do you wanna go visit them?”

Kevin smiled and nodded, getting into their cars and headed for the cemetery. Kevin had been shattered but the puzzle had finally been put back together, even if in some areas, he was still missing a few pieces.