Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Screams filling the theater caused several people in the audience to jump.

Not including me, or the girl next to me.
Personally I wanted to laugh at the cheesiness on the screen. If I were in a better mood that is. 

But unfortunately the night didn't really go as planned. 

This...date? hangout..whatever it was, sucks. When I originally offer to go to the movies, I thought it was just gonna be Bella and I.

But she just had to bring that other guy. When she said 'sure I'll bring some friends.' In my head I thought it'll be a couple  Which would've been fine! Cause then maybe it'll be a double date. Like on TV. 

But Nope!

'Sorry Jacob, the others couldn't come.It's just' -whats his face.

Maybe it was my fault. Should've just called it a date. Maybe I asked to casually. 

Internally grumbling I glanced over to my 'companions', Bella looked uncomfortable. A part of me felt satisfied, I wasn't alone. 

And him, blondie, he looked..unwell? 

On Cue a scream and splash of guts filled the screen, and the other guy lurched out"I'm gonna be sick" before dashing out the theater.

"Some guys can't handle horror"She said with concern. Turning to me, she placing her hand over mine.

...

Wait...

Should...shouldn't I feel something?

Her hand felt cold.

"Can you go check on him?" She asked with earnest. 

Something about her tone. It felt like it should do something, anything. But I felt nothing. 

Well not nothing, I wanted to...help her. Protect her. But...shouldn't there be more?

"Yeah, sure" I hurried out of the dark theater, running away from that looming questions in my head.

Scanning around, I found the bathroom. 
Now not really in a rush, I leisurely walked to it. My mind went back to the girl in the theater. 

When she said yes I had thought.. I thought I'd finally...with that Cullen gone I might...
This is how it was supposed to go, Go on a ....not date. ..

After hanging out all these months I thought...by now I should...feel something. Right? Boy and girl hangs out, feelings are supposed to bloom? Thats what everyone says. Like the movies.

Hell half of the town joked that I'm going to see my girlfriend in Forks.

I thought this thing would...I don't know, prove something. That's it would feel right. But...

I reached for the doorknob, Glancing at my hand, it was trembling. 

With narrow eyes, I squeezed my hand into a fist until it stopped.

It's been happening more and more lately. Dad said it was stress. With everything going on.  With my friends ... with...

Taking a deep breath, I opened my hand it was steady. 

The sounds of someone puking reminded me where I was. At least this would be a distraction.

Walking in, I called out "Dude you good?"

A grunt replied.

Walking in further, I saw the guy kneeling in the first stall. 

Looking around, there happened to be a cup on a nearby sink. Filling it with water, I went over to hand it to him.

"Here"

He looked up, and it was really the first time I've looked at him.

His eyes filled with gratitude, and he gave a small smile.
....
He had dimples
...
And my stomach fluttered.

Wait, what? 

"Thanks man" He said deeply, taking the cup and swishing his mouth clean.

"Y-yeah. No Problem"

"l'm Mike by the way. I don't think I had the chance to introduce myself before the movie. I'd get polite and shake your hand and all, but I wouldn't want to subject you all to " He motioned around. 

I chuckled and grinned down at him,"Yeah, nah you good. I'm Jacob" 

Color filled Mike's cheeks, I was half 
expected him to spew again. But 
instead he cleared his throat, Moving 
to get up.

A lifetime of caretaking instincts kicked 
up and I unconsciously went to automatically grab and help him up.

Must have not been expecting the sudden shift cause Mike loss balance and was about to fall face first into the toilet, if I hadn't caught him.

Unfortunately that resulted is us 
standing basically nose to nose....in a tight stall.

Both our eyes widened in suprise.
...
I finally understood when people said you would get loss in ocean blue eyes. 
...
What?
...

Whatever moment was there became loss when someone opened the door. 

Casually they pulled apart laughing awkwardly, Mike's hand went to grab the back of his neck and mine to fix a nonexistant wrinkle on my shirt.

"You good?" I asked.

He nodded, fixing himself. His face redder than before. 

An unknown warmth was spreading through me. A tremor was starting on the tips of my finger. Ugh not now.

"Yeah. Well No. I'm not feeling well" he started swaying on the spot.

I held out a hand to sturdy him.

He flinched back.

Quickly put my hands in my pocket. The tremor was spreading.

"No its not.."Mike started,smiled reassuringly, there were those dimples again.

He reached out, "Your hands." Which were still in my pocket, leaving his to hang in the air for a moment before letting them fall into his own pockets. 

"They..um they are kinda warm. Didn't expect it" His teeth biting his lower lip.

Why am I looking at his lips?

Shaking my head, I said the first thing that popped to into my mind "I can take you home.If-if you're too sick. I don't mind. Just gotta hang your head out the window if ya gonna upchuck again" I tried to laugh at the weird situation but my ever increasing tremors were getting harder and harder to hide.

Before Mike could respond the door opened and Bella's voice echoed, "Guys? Still alive in there?"

"Yeah,"Mike answered. He reached out for support which I quickly obliged, "I think I need to go home. I think I got the flu."

"Oh ok," she didn't sound disappointed. 

But, That was ok. 

Mike shifted almost his full weight on me, which I easily carried. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a look of...admiration?

Wait...did he just check me out?

"Dude, you're like really hot"

"What?" I said a little too fast and in a little to high of a voice. 

He places the back of his hand on my neck near my jawline. I gulped, my frame had started to tremble.

"You're really hot. Maybe you're getting sick too. You sure you can drive?"

Oh...physically hot...not...

"Yeah I'm good. I mean. If anything Bella can."

We reached the door.

Mike stopped me from opening it, "I feel bad for her"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she's been down since the whole Cullen thing and, at least from my end its like this is her first time out since. It was suppose to be a group thing ya know." I nodded, "And at first I thought well its great, this might be my chance to like...well yeah. But Seeing her kinda reminded me that its probably not. Even before Cullen she never looked at me or anyone else really anyway. But still, could've been a fun friends thing but now I'm sick and gotta leave." he trailed off.

He looked genuinely bummed that he feel like he ruined this night. 

And ...he was right. From my view too.

I raised a shaky palm, using all in me to steady it enough to pat his arm. He looked up and I smiled at him again, "Imma be honest with you, everywhere you are coming from I understand fully. I've been with her and she seems slowly getting better. And even tho we had to cut it short, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Baby steps" 

Was I lying? Yeah a bit, but his face lit up a bit. Now sporting what looked like to be a semi permanent flush on his cheeks. 

And the world shifted, for a moment, all I could see was his smile, his eyes, him. He radiated and I wanted to see more.

Then the tremors were coming back full force. 

"Thanks man" He said, then motioned to the door. 

After a half assed explanation, we were on our way. 

Bella look like she wanted to ask something but she held it in, instead offering to drive.

Mike indeed had to hang his head out of the window. He let his tongue roll out like a puppy enjoying the rushing breeze. His expressiveness causing me to laugh as I held on to him so he didn't fall out. And I felt lighter than I've had in weeks. 

Bella looked at me in the rearview, she had an odd look in her eye. 

All too soon we were at Mikes.

Why was my chest hurting?

"It was nice to meet you, Jacob." 

I have him a two-finger salute, not trusting my voice. If I had spoken, it would have shook and I had no explanation.

I tried to ignore his sudden dejected look. 

He muttered a 'see ya at school' to Bella. and he was gone. 

And I suddenly felt like shit. The temors came in full force.

Luckily I was in the backseat, out of view from Bella.

But soon the car shook.

"Jacob?"

"I think I'm gonna get sick too"

"Do you want me to pull over?"She yelled suddenly panicked.

I shook my head violently, my bones started to ache. "No! No, Just get me home please."

"Thankfully we only took one car" She muttered. 

I looked up to see her brow scrunched and bottom lip firmly between her teeth.

A small inner voice asked why didn't that make me feel like earlier with...

But a larger voice....a larger one was howling. 

We made it. I yelled thanks and I'd call later back at her as I dashed into my house. 

Leaving behind a very confused but concerned Bella. 

Chapter Text

Recovering from a 24-hour stomach bug gives a man a chance to get lost in their brain.

Most of which revolves around whatever the previous night awkwardness was. 

Maybe I shouldn't have said yes to hanging out with Bella.

Well to be fair, it was supposed to be a group thing. Perhaps it was actually a good thing I got sick then.  

A flash of that that crooked smile has me internally groaning. 

What a first impression, it was my fault really. I had felt the twinge of a bad stomach just an hour before. But then Bella had called me to say most everyone else canceled, for a split moment the pain was forgotten, this was my chance.

But the chance of anything romantic died the moment I saw them. If the cramp in my stomach was from the bug or Bella's face? I could never know. She looked, uncomfy. Next to get a tall boy from the Rez looked very annoyed. Had he had the same thought as me? 

Before I could even introduce myself Bella had sweeped us into the theater. 

A part of me still hoped. I laid my hand facing up for her but she held herself.

Unfortunately I didn't have room for feeling disappointment as the ignored pain in my gut came back with a vengeance. Desperately I tried my hardest to distract myself with the movie. But Bella had picked a gorefest. And the moment I saw someone else's guts, mine made themselves known.

God it keeps replying in my head.  I totally ruined that night. 

But…it wasn't all a waste, right?

When I was sitting with my arms draped across the gross public theater toilet my brain had wandered to the other person sitting next to Bella. At the time, I just felt bad for the guy. Felt bad I didn't even remember what Bella told me about him.I had vague memories of her mentioning him. Hell, I think I've probably seen him before on our last La Push trip. 

My thoughts didn't linger on him long as another lurch was coming up.

That is until his voice echoed in the empty bathroom. I couldn't even properly respond in fear of losing whatever was left. 

I didn't even look up until he was behind me, but was eternally grateful when I saw him holding out a cup. 

Not even fully looking at the kid, I graciously said thanks before chugging the chalky sink water. It was heaven compared to the sourness in my mouth. 

With a clean..er mouth my senses had come back enough to introduce myself.

Finally looking up at him I knew at that very moment I was screwed. 

It was the crooked smile and fanged canines that ruined me. I'd always had a thing for natural fangs. Jessica had em, Tyler had em. Jonas from 7th grade had em. And a Mr. Jacob Black had the coolest I'd ever seen. Smiling down with such warmth I couldn't help but get red.

I was suddenly jealous of his tan skin because I just knew with my paleness, I could never hide a blush.

Damn Forks and it's constant overcast.

At least I could blame the sickness this time.

I took that moment to finally get off the floor, anything to look away. What I hadn't expected was him to fully bodily help me. 

Inwardly cursing I braced myself for the impact my head was going to inevitably have with the toilet.  But it never came.

Shocked, I had looked up at my savior only for his equally shocked face to be an inch from mine.

Only God and I knew how truly colorful brown eyes were in that moment. They were almost shining under the fluorescent. A moment that felt like a lifetime.

And then it was over.

Jacob had all but jumped away from me and I was suddenly very cold.

The awkward of the whole situation had slipped in and whatever that was was gone. 

Plus whatever the bug was had swam up to my head causing the whole world to shift to the left. 

My only true regret of that night was flinching aways from Jacob's helping hand. I hadn't expected it but that didn't stop the hurt in his eyes.

I never wanted to be the reason for that again. 

I tried to explain but a sudden nervousness over took me. And when that happened I had the bad habit of chewing my bottom lip raw. 

Which usually was a bad thing..if I hadn't noticed his eyes flicker to them.

Before I could over analyze that little move he started babbling. It was honestly one of the cutest things I had seen that night. not that it had much competition but still.

Bella had made herself known and the real world kicked in then.  Waves had started crashing in my brain and no time to really thing. So I made the call, I couldn't push through any longer. My bed called for me.

Bella didn't sound disappointed.

And that was ok. 

Despite the illness taking over I had decided to test a little theory. 

Was I dizzy? yes. but could I walk out alright to the car? Probably.  Did that stop me from fully pressing my body against this cutie? Nah.

A few conclusions from this act of weakness.

1. Jacob Black was very quick
2. He was very strong, being able hold me with no real struggle 
3. he was very very hot

Literally, he was burning up. 

His hands had been warm but his whole being was on fire. 

Did I take that moment to casually compliment him with an easy out?

It was so worth the look on his face. And that voice crack. Ah he would be so fun to tease.

Maybe I should have lighten up a bit through. When I went to casually check his temperature he had started to tremble.

I should feel bad for pushing but that jawline was begging to be touched. 

So I redirected to try and ease whatever I had caused. I meant what I said. In retrospect I shouldn't have expected anything romantic from Bella. She was obviously having a bad time with everything. If it was romantic it would've been a rebound for sure. And who want to be that for a person. 

My woes must have calmed him a bit enough to try and comfort me. 

And I'll be damned if I didn't have a thing for sweet people, I could feel the fire in my cheeks crescendo

That plus whatever he was fighting must have pushed him back over cause he had gotten the shakes again.

No better Cue to get a move on. 

Bella had no objections to driving. I was grateful for that because the bug was back in my gut and my head was permanently out the window and I just know Bella would not have has the strength Jacob had to hold me back.

In spite of how I was physically feeling it wasn't the worse ride back. The warmth of Jacob was all too comforting. and I had the privilege of even making him laugh. Did I have to act like an excited dog to get it? Worth it, I thought so. His laugh was worth making a fool of myself.

It was until we made it to my house.

When I turned Jacob had an unreadable look on his face. 

He hasn't even said bye to me.

I shouldn't have felt so badly about that. But I did. 

Getting into my house, I bypassed my mother with a quick I got sick and ran to my room.

I wasn't in there long as the next 24 hours was making trips from there to my bathroom and back. 

When there was nothing left for my stomach to reject I finally passed out from exhaustion. 

Now I laid here in my bed just replaying that night.

By this time I've come to the conclusion that Jacob was probably just feeling confused.

It helped that sad feeling that lingered from it. 

My phone buzzed next to me. 

It had been buzzing thoughtout the day but the energy to actually check it had evaded me. 

I mustered up whatever strength I had to pull out off its charger and flip it open to see what I had missed.

There's a million missed calls and messages from Jessica. All being summed up in apologies for bailing and asking for details on what ended up happening.

I really did love her, maybe romantically at one point but now it was more of a platonic one. She had wormed her way unto best friend corner out of no input from me tho. not that I minded, but,  I was in no state to match her energy. I ended up sending a quick, sorry had caught whatever bug is going around and had to leave early, more detail later. Hopefully that would be enough to calm her. 

There were a few other messages from the others who had bailed too. Sorrys and the sort. Jessica would most likely get to them first so I felt no rush to answer.

One message stood out.

r u feeling better-B

I shouldn't be so shocked to see that but Bella wasn't much of a texter. If any communication was from her at all, it was in person or a phone call.

My bottom lip made its way to my teeth debating my response.

Glancing at my calendar, it was nearing the end of the month. I really shouldn't run up the bill from texting a response. plus I had something to ask her that would require a longer response. 

Making up my mind I tapped to call. 

It only rang once before she answered.

"Mike! You called! Are you feeling better?"

Her voice had genuine concern that he's honestly never heard from her before. It caught him off guard.

"Ye" he coughed to clear his throat "Yeah actually. I think it was just a 24 hour bug. Thanks for checking in" he added.

"Of course. I feel so bad. I should've rescheduled the whole thing after everyone else canceled" 

"No, no! You're fine, I shouldn't have chanced it really. I had wanted to go. I thought I could push through. But alas. It was fun for the short time it was" 

"Really?" She didn't sound convinced. 

A brief color came back to my cheeks, thank God this was over the phone, "Yeah! Hopefully we can try again sometime. With everyone this time"

There was a small pause before Bella asked, "With Jacob too?" in a small voice

"Totally! He's cool."And nice and sweet and cute and -"I actually wanted to ask you something, I hope it isn't too personal"

"Oh,  shoot"

"What's your relationship with him like?"

This was met with a pregnant pause, Before Bella remembered her voice and went fill steam ahead,"What? We are just friends. Only friends. God first my dad, then Jacob's friend,  then you can't a girl have a guy friend before-"

"Woah! Woah time out. Didn't mean it like that. Well I did, but it was just a genuine question.  Didn't mean to open a can of worms"

Bella signed "No,  sorry. Its just" a pause "After..Ed…After my break up. I kind of fell down a hole. It was a deep one I didn't really know how to get out of. Hell, I think I'm still in there. But Jacob helped me see a light a bit. Well more than a bit. But he's like a little brother too me. Honestly becoming a best friend. and it's great. But my dad keeps asking if it's more than that. And I don't even want to think about anything more than that. I'm still not over …"

"I get it. I'm  sorry for implying that"

"No you didn't know"

"I wasn't asking to ask you out if that helps"

Bella laughed breaking the somber tension that the conversation had taken, "Well that's good at least…thank you..for understanding"

"Of course! I haven't had that bad of a break up but I can imagine" I said without thinking immediately putting a foot in my mouth. 

Bella just hummed before asking, "So why did you ask?" 

Welp, now or never. "Oh! I asked to see if it was ok to try and pursue him myself."

The amount of awkward silences was immeasurable at this point.

"What!"

"If it's weird I won't. Obviously. He's your friend and all. I just thought he was cute and was going to ask you for his number if you were cool with it but-"

"-You're gay?!"

and with that I had suddenly remembered Bella was the new girl in town. She hadn't been there for any of my old relationships. 

"Bella, I'm bi. How did you not know? Most everyone in our friend group is something. Hell I thought you were. Birds of a feather and all."

More silence.A Nervousness settled into my stomach that wasn't sickness related. One I hadn't felt since being out. "is it ok-"

"Oh my gosh yes! It's ok. It's not that" a woosh of relief came from my lungs, "I was just surprised." 

"You aren't very observant are you, Bella. Lauren and Angela have been dating for months"

"They have??"

Mike just laughed at her bewilderment, he hadn't meant to turn her worldview upside-down. 

"Guess you have been distracted"

The somberness returned, I internally grumbled at myself, really should learn to think before I spoke. 

"I feel like I should apologize to all of you. I haven't been a good friend."

In for a penny,"Bella, can I be honest with you?"

Two beats then she answered, "Sure."

"Even before you weren't really present with us. Like you sat with us at lunch and occasionally hung out with the girls but ever since you got together with.. him.. you kind of just were in your own little world. Which is fine and all. New love does that. But you never really been there. We've been worried for you since the break up but none of us felt close enough to you to really do anything about it." 

Bella was quiet, Did I overstep too much? 

"I.." Bella took a deep breath, "I want to be better. I hadn't realized how distant I'd become. With the Cull.. them…I shouldn't have neglected you guys. You all were the first group to bring me in" 

"It happens." I tried to comfort.

"I want to be better. Not only for you all but for me. I..need healthy relationships. I've started with Jacob cause I've known him since we were kids. But I want some in school too."

"We can totally work on that Bella! I'll talk too Jessica too. She's the social butterfly of the group and will totally take you under her wing." I beamed

Bella gave a watery laugh, I imaged her eyes probably tearing up, "Thanks Mike. I'll be forever grateful for it"

This felt like the start of a beautiful friendship. 

Coughing Bella cleared away all the heavy emotion from her throat,"So..Speaking of Jacob"

and my cheeks are on fire again, "Yes he was mentioned"

"You thought he was cuuutteee" She pulled the last word in a teasing tone.

"Oh my gosh Bella you weren't there! Let me tell you" And I launched into a play by play of what happened in the bathroom that night. 

Bella did great with the gossip, she oohed and ahhed and gasped at all the right moments. Mike could see this becoming a thing between them in the future. 

"He's so sweet Bella." I ended with. Neglecting to mention the sadness I had felt when it was all over. 

Bella just squealed, that's new, "Oh my gosh that sounds so cute ahh. Okay, okay. So I'm all for you going after him. Actually, no I'm going be asking you to actively go for it because you two would be so cute"

"Oh bella" Activate blush, this is getting ridiculous. 

"Oh, but wait. I don't know if he even likes guys" 

"That's ok," I reassured, "My specialty is helping people come to terms with their sexuality,"If I could wink over the phone I would," I helped with everyone else's. I'll find out for sure in no time and If not I wouldn't mind just being friends with him too"

"I'll help anyway I can" She said with such conviction I knew she really meant it.

"Awesome sause. Your first mission, Tell me what you can about Jacob"

Just the spark Bella needed, she went on and on about her best friend for ages. Everything from their childhood to him taking care of his wheelchair bound father to his place as the chief's son. She spoke very highly of him,  how he helped her when she was at her lowest. How he fixed then taught her how to ride motorbikes.

"Wait you know how to motorbike? That's so cool. That would explain that thing with the motorcycle guys Jessica was going on about a while back"Bella let out a nervous laugh, "You should totally teach me!"

"No."

"No?"

"Jacob should totally teach you" She whispered shouted into the phone. 

I let out a totally manly giggle at that" I like how you think Ms. Swan"

We both fell into a fit of laughter from that.

"Is this what I've been missing?"She asked in a very softvoice, "Is this what a normal…"

"Bella, before everything. Did you have friends?"

".. not really. Back in Phoenix I was a loner." The vulnerability in her voice was heartbreaking, "I almost had it here before…and I loss it. I ruin-"

"Ah none of that. You Bella Swan, have been through it. From this moment on, I pledge to help you overcome all and get you into a healthy friendship dynamic if you are willing to put in the work"

"Aye Aye Mr. Newton" 

"That's captain to you!"

If I could have any superpower, it would be the ability to make the saddest of people laugh when they need it the most

"Thanks,Mike"

"Of Course.-"

Just then my bedroom door opened and my mother's head popped in"You feeling better sweetie? Think you can hold down soup?"

Putting my hand over the phone, "Yeah Ma. Thank you!"

Going back, "Hey Bella I gotta go. This bug had finally settled and I'm starving"

"No problem. Glad you're feeling better"She chirped before adding, "Oh and I'll tell Jacob you asked for him! He wasn't feeling well either so it might take a bit. But, I'll for sure mention it and let you know if he wants to exchange numbers!"

"You the best,Bells! Byezz" snapping the phone shut, I felt the best I've had all day. 

"That was Isabella?" Mom asked when she brought up my dinner.

I nodded, inhaling the savory broth without breathing.

"That's nice she called. She sounds like a sweet girl. Let me know if she needs a Job, Your father could always use more hands around the shop" 

I just kept on Nodding as she walked about out the room.  

I didn't really hear what she said too busy filling up my Empty stomach. I'd have to talk to her later. For now my mind was buzzing with everything that just happened..well mostly just hoping that Jacob will at least consider talking to me again.

In the end I've come to the conclusion it was a good thing I had gotten sick. If anything it looks like I got a good foundation for a genuine relationship out if it.  Hopefully 2..maybe that hoping too much.

Chapter Text

I have a true hatred for popcorn ceilings. It's all visual noise that make the back of my teeth ache. 

Like I needed any more aches.

The thing about popcorn ceilings, they are just ugly. I want to just rack my claws-

Ugh.

I flexed my fingers, stretching out the lingering ache in the bones.

You're going to be sore until your body gets use to the constant back and forth

Ugh. Constant.

The urge to comb my hand through my now criminally short hair made them ache more.

In less than 48 hours my whole reality has changed. Fairytale from childhood became real.

I was a monster. 

Shaking my head, I tried to focus back on the ceiling. Cursing out ugly decor preferable to whatever spiral that would lead too.

My phone rang from my shredded shorts across the room. It had been ringing for a while.

You can't talk about this to any outsiders.

But…she's basically family…

I barked out a laugh at that statement. When had that change happen? Wasn't she a supposed love interest not that long ago. Now she's family.

Picturing Bella in my head now brought the same feeling as picturing Rachel or Rebecca. Maybe more as I was closer to Bella than my sister just by age gap alone.

Did they know? Did dad tell them? How would that even come up? 

Hey girls, the wolf's are in town

Groaning I rolled over on the couch. Having thrown myself there after crawling thought the bottom floor window not 4 hours ago. 

The blinking clock on the cable box across from me read 3:38 am. 

I'll have to be up in 3 hours to help my dad get ready for the day.

Wait…why was Bella calling at 3am? Did something happen? Did…they come back?

A now annoyingly familiar tremor came back in full force.

Jumping from the couch to the fabric pile that was once my clothes, I dug around until I found the flip.

17 missed calls and 11 text messages 

Hey r u ok?-b

Hope ur ok-b

Did u get sik 2-b

Mike has stomach bug-b

He asked 4 u-b 

Said u cool n wants # 2 txt-b

Said ill ask-b

Ur dad said u had flu:(-b

Hope u better soon-b 

Call when better-b

Miss u-b 

I started at the miss u. For a bit. A week ago that would've made me over the moon.

But my eyes kept going up.  

Mike thought I was cool.

Mike Wanted my number.

Mike wanted to talk to me.

Mike with the ocean in his eyes wanted to text me after all that.

The tremors had calmed completely. 

Mike.

Mike.

I should be with Mi-

Wait..Mike..was an outsider…

Reality crashed in again. 

I tossed the phone away angrily. What was I thinking? I could never be normal again! I could never be with-

Wait…what? No I mean be friends with…yeah I could never be friends with humans again. Probably..right? Right

 It would be too dangerous. 

Just forget about humans all together.

Including Bella…and Mike

Sitting on the floor, hand shaking violently, my face wet with sweat..not tears, just sweat.

My bones started to ache.

Fuck. 

The window to the backyard was still open. Had the foresight to think ahead and remove my new clothes before jumping out.

Had a good sleep newbie? A voice echoed through my head as I ran into the woods behind my property.

Did any of you have a good sleep right after? 

A laugh echoed I didn't sleep for weeks. Embry responded.

You should at least have tried. The more tired you are the harder it will be to become accustomed to this. Sam lectured.

My mind went to popcorn ceilings.

I did try

Not hard enough Paul snacked

You can always drop off at Emily's. More comfort Sam offered.

Emily.. she was human..

Watch it.

Popcorn ceilings.

Something I learned quickly after joining the pack, pick a thought and mindfully stick to it. Or else everyone in our tribe will know about every thought you've thunk. 

So until I calmed down enough to shift back. Popcorn ceilings it is.

I wouldn't want to bother at this time. Plus I need to be back to Dad's soon.

A group grumbling of understanding passed through the awakened pack.

Tell Chief Billy to call in the morning. A meeting has to be set soon.

I made a noise of acknowledgment before fully focusing on my surroundings. The air around me was fresh and crisp. It filled my lungs up with cool air with every pants. 

My claws grazed against the ground with every step. My run had slowed down to a trot because I slowed down to take in everything. I felt the grass and dirt against my sharp nails give. I heard every living thing around me from the small Critters under the ground to the birds sleeping in the nest above me.

 There was a deer two miles North. 

I tried to ignore the memory of biting down on one 12 hours ago. Feeling of its life leaving it at my teeth. Satisfied feeling I had after. 

No I did not want to focus on that. I listened closer, into my house. I can hear the buzz of the electricity under it. I can hear about a faucet. I can hear the study breathing of my father laying sleeping in his room.

With that I felt my bones start to shift, my fur retreat, my body shrink.

I was laying on the cool ground, staring up pass the trees into the sky.

This was my life now.

This is my new normal.

Will I have any normalcy again? I can't go to school. Imagine getting mad at a teacher and shifting in class. 

So no school..until I can control it. Will I be able to control it? I'm 16. And I'll stay 16 until I stop shifting.. no..Sam said I'll be fully grown soon. So no longer hormonally 16..is mentally 16 and bodily what 25 ..ahh

Anger issues of a teenager probably doesn't end. Forever stuck. How is there any room for growth? 

Have I no choice?

Blue eyes flash..A choice I can't choose.

I can't even have a crises of sexuality! 

No choice.

The stars look so bright now. So much better than popcorn ceilings.

Chapter Text

"Mono?!" I screeched 

Bella just nodded, grabbing a strawberry milk, "Yeah apparently it's spreading through the reservation like crazy."

"Isn't that the kissing one? " I grumbled, grabbing an orange and banana.

"Not necessary. Could also be from sharing drinks. From how Billy was describing its mostly like all the teen guys who were all out because of it" She pointed to the chicken which the lunch lady placed on her tray. '`Are you going to get salad?'

I nodded and stirred it to the salad bar, continuing, "That doesn't mean much, could still be from kissing." I didn't like the ache that made itself known in my chest.

"I feel like he would've told me if he's been to a make out party with the boys" 

"Who's been to a make out party with the boys?" Jessica popped up out of nowhere causing Bella to jump and drop the tongs she had been using. 

"Of course you come in just in time to hear that" I laughed chasing the rouge cherry tomato that had fallen. Did a little hoop and landed gracefully in the trash, "3 points!"

Bella chuckled giving a thumbs up before turning to Jess," My friend, Jacob had mono. He's been m.i.a since movie night."

"Really? That was over a week ago!"

We made our way to the table where the gang were mostly already there. 

"Yeah apparently it can last a whole. I remember Jacob saying that his buddy Quil was out for a month before. Assuming it's the same thing he got."

Jessica scanned the group before landing on "Eric! You've had mono, how was it?"

Eric, who had been mid burger bite, choked at the seemingly out of no where question, "it was 3 years ago!!"

Tyler who was sitting next to him patted his back, " and we don't judge you for it.  Everyone gets mono at band camp" Everyone laughs as Eric punches him in the arm.

"Just symptom wise" Jess elaborated.

"I just remembered being very weak. Could barely leave my bed for like 2 months. Kind of like a flu but longer. My throat was swollen to hell so I couldn't talk at all."

Bella nodded, "Would make sense to go AWOL" 

"He could still text?" Jess stated.

I shook my head, "I couldn't when I had the bug, not necessarily." 

"Who has Mono?" Angela peeped up from the other end of the table.

"Bella's Jacob," Jess yelled back. 

"Oh Mike's crush!" Lauren exclaimed before slapping her mouth closed.

I swung my whole body towards the only other person who knew, "Jessica!"

"In my defense!" She yelled with her hands raised "This is the first crush" her eyes darted to Bella who pointedly was very interested in her salad at the moment, "first viable crush, in a loooong while."

"OK, 1. Rude. 2. That doesn't mean share with the world. It's like putting bad juju out there and jinxing before there's even a chance for anything!" 

Jessica looked down, shamed by this break in crush code muttering apologies.

Taking a deep breath, "It's fine. But if anyone, and I mean ANYONE," pointingly looking at everyone in earshot, "says anything else about this before anything happens….Bella is going to kick your ass" I finished shooting a huge smile at Bella who jumped at her name. But after a blink she smiled back and put up her fists for show causing the entire table to laugh.

She turned red but a pleased smile showed how much this little moment meant to her.

The tension broke with Tyler asking "Anyone who had Ms.Smith this morning know of there's a pop quiz today?" Which caused everyone to break off into their own conversations and move on from the topic.

The last week and change has really made all the difference in our little gangs dynamics. The genuine push to include Bella into the conversation with all the help with Jessica and I has done wonders for her confident levels. It was still an effort but the entire group took the change in strides.

"So. What do you think I should do?" Bella whispered to me.

"With?"

"Jacob, even if he's that sick, should still do something" 

I squinted down at the orange that was half peeled in my hands, slowly tearing at it thinking of different options. "Youuuuu can bring him some soup?"

"Soup?" She questioned 

"Soup." I confirmed 

"Soup… yeah" she nodded, then shook her head"…I can't make soup"

"I can make soup" I offered before thinking, squeezing the slice in my hand once I realized squinting the juice all over my palm, "Ah fuck"

"You can make soup??"She exclaimed, offering me a napkin.

In for a penny.

"Yeah I can make loads of things"

Jess interjected, "Yeah, his Italian is to die for!" 

"You've lost privileges to enter this, Jess!" Pointing at her, making her pout.

"I said sorry!"

"Deal"

"It would be a way to reintroduce you too. Mentioning you heard he was sick and offered to make it. Showing how sweet and caring you can be even to someone you only met once" Bella lamented, ignoring the whole confirmation. 

Jess and I just smiled at her.

"What?" She asked but neither of us said anything in response. Hearing her talk so much was so nice to hear now. Last week it was pulling teeth to get more than two words from her, look at her now. Soon her whole filter will fall, can't wait. 

Jess changed the subject entirely, "So Bella, there's this concert this Saturday in Seattle. The girls are making a day trip of it,  would you like to come?"

"What kind-"I gently not so gently kicked her shin, "ow, I mean sure!"

We've discussed this before, opening yourself up to more opportunities when they present themselves.

"I have no idea what I'd wear"

I sighed.

We have to work on it more.

Jessica invited herself over to her house to help and the rest of the period was going on about the trip.

All topics of Mr. Jacob Black dropped for now.