Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Lower," Soobin says, tossing yet another ball in Kai's direction.

The underclassman's mouth is slack, a sign of his pure concentration, as he obeys the command, squatting deeper. His forearms are tinted pink from the repetitive force of the volleyball making contact, but he doesn't show any signs of pain or exhaustion. He just lunges for the ball with all he has, managing to successfully return the item in Soobin's direction.

"Nice receive! Beomgyu!" the underclassmen switch places and Beomgyu gets into position, clearly winded from his laps around the court. "You okay?"

The younger nods breathlessly so Soobin decides to be polite and set directly to him the first time. It's an easy transaction, the ball arching in a smooth return that the older congratulates. The second time Soobin sets a bit shorter, forcing the underclassman to move around the court like an actual game. Although it takes him off guard, Beomgyu is quick and manages to keep the ball from hitting the ground with a quick dive.

"Good save, can you return?" Soobin's eyes track the ball's airtime.

Beomgyu gauges his own ability then calls, "Taehyun!" 

The boy appears in a flash, cheeks a healthy tint of pink, hands clasping together rather recklessly causing his elbows to make contact in a way that must be uncomfortable. "Got it!" he answers. The ball makes a dull thud when it hits his forearms, the loss of momentum from the extended airtime having lessened its power.

Beomgyu sighs out a "Good hustle" while getting back to his feet and picking up the fallen ball. 

Taehyun folds into himself shamefully, "Sorry about that."

"Don’t be; it’s why we’re practicing. Beomgyu put too much force on it for a proper receive. It would've been a good spike though," Soobin concludes, catching the ball tossed his way easily. "All that matters is that you guys are better than you were a month ago."

A loud clatter from the gym entrance catches their collective attention. Laughter and squeaks follow the varsity volleyball team as they enter the shared space, offering small nods of recognition to the group practicing. Coach Kim sends a friendly wave their direction that Soobin returns alongside a bow. The varsity guys spread out, quickly filling the opposite side of the gym where an identical volleyball court is set up.

"Alright, let's do some spike practice," Soobin says to his team over the surrounding commotion.

They quickly form a line down the middle of the court with Soobin standing parallel to the net by the box of well-loved (read: disintegrating) volleyballs rented from the front desk. He sets for each of his teammates, beaming with pride at how much progress they have made.

When the semester first started, Taehyun would always second guess his timing, often swatting the ball too quickly for a successful arch over the net. Beomgyu would angle his hand downward too much, leading to the ball hitting his side of the court rather than the opponents. Kai would cower away from the fast travelling object out of fear of it directly hitting his face (something Soobin only did when the younger slipped one too many insults in at practice).

Now, only mid-way through the semester, they've not only become more vocal with praise and calls but more comfortable with their bodies on the court. It makes Soobin's heart flutter just thinking about it.

"Good job, guys! Let's clean up and give them some space," Soobin says once everyone has successfully spiked the ball twice.

"Yes, captain!" The underclassmen all reply, dispersing to all corners of the gym to gather their scattered volleyballs, dry mop the floors, and take down their net. 

Soobin has to resist the urge to look over at the person blatantly staring at them clean through the mesh barrier. Varsity always has some stray players that watch their team whenever they're not in play. Sometimes Soobin can feel their cocky gazes of pity; they never fail to boil his blood.

They don't deserve the attention, he reminds himself while helping Beomgyu roll the net up and remove the posts. And it's true. They've made more progress than Soobin could have dreamed of.

The clean up is relatively fast and his team leaves with sweaty smiles and promises to work hard in practice on Friday. Soobin thanks them all then picks up his own gym bag, going into the locker room to freshen up. He takes a quick shower, changes into his previous outfit from the day and returns to the bleachers.

He settles down in the upper right corner in order to get a nice overhead view of the court and pulls out his notepad. He watches the group practice intently, occasionally daydreaming about his own team achieving the same fluidity, the same connection.

For now though, he thinks while watching their libero dive for a blocked ball, I'll accept the rag tag family I've made.

Chapter Text

The match is a complete and utter atrocity. How could Yeonjun not be pissed?

"Minnie!" Taehyung calls, setting the ball towards the left.

The opposite hitter is quick to jump. "Got it!" Jimin shouts, hand meeting the ball with a satisfying smack.

Number 5 and 12 of the opposing team, however, block the attack easily.

Yeonjun dives for the ball and narrowly misses.

Of course.

Of-fucking-course.

Not only were they losing, but their best hitter couldn’t even get a ball in. 

Yeonjun is beyond infuriated. He slaps the ground angrily when the opposing team’s coach blows their whistle to announce the point, advising the senior through gritted teeth, "Do. Better."

No one replies, but Jeongguk's glare speaks volumes when he looks back from the front row.

"All me," announces Jongho as he receives the ball from the serve of the other team. "Taehyung-ah!"

The setter flawlessly catches the ball, eyes scanning his players before launching it towards Yeosang, "Yeo!"

Arm winding, Yeosang answers, "Bring it!"

Although the ball makes it over the net, the quick return catches the tired team off guard. No one calls for it, but all move towards it leading to Yeonjun colliding with Jongho hard enough to make their shoulders ache. The ball lands with an explosive drop inches from their fingertips.

Yeonjun curses, shoving Jongho off.

A whistle from Coach Kim comes immediately, "Watch it, Choi!"

He mutters a "Sorry" as the team rotates around him with Jongho shaking out his shoulders and Jeongguk rolling his eyes.

Yeonjun knows the odds of winning back this second set are slim to none. The other team has done enough setters dumps and soft hits to make the front blockers look down before they've even gotten into position. They also have blocked every attack that the team has attempted, even the ones Yeonjun has managed to keep in the play. It’s clear that the spikers are starting to get demotivated so it absolutely does not help the team's morale when Yeonjun yells at them to "Do better!" before their feet can return to the ground every time.

After the third command from Yeonjun’s mouth, Taehyung has had enough. "Choi, go cool down," the setter demands, voice clipped.

Jongho and Yeonjun share a look, both knowing who he was referring to. Neither move.

Taehyung doesn't turn around, but the way he bounces the ball reveals his agitation, "Choi."

"Sunbaenim-"

"-Get off the court."

Yeonjun doesn't bother to apologize or make a scene. The shame from being kicked off the court in the middle of a game, by his own teammate no less, keeps his mouth shut. Seonghwa gives him a singular pat on the shoulder as they switch positions.

The libero then grabs his towel from around his bottle and places it over his head as he stares down at his team’s feet on the court. He counts his breaths to pass the time and simmer down his temper, feeling Coach Kim’s gaze weighing heavily on his shoulders.

"Choi."

"Coach."

There's a beat. "We need to talk."

~

Whenever Yeonjun loses his temper, he loses all understanding of honorifics, titles, and compassion. And, whenever he comes back down, he realizes just how out of line he was. However, his pride keeps his apologies in his throat, bubbling at the surface, never quite making it out. Instead, he acknowledges his outbreaks with paying for himself after a lost game or cleaning the team uniforms.

Hence why Yeonjun decides to do the most isolated clean up task after a game: emptying and wiping down the team's water bottles in the locker room. 

"Choi," Wooyoung calls through the opened door. "Coach said he's waiting."

Yeonjun quickly gathers all the bottles and rushes out of the room. To his surprise, the whole team is gathered on the bleachers, staring attentively at the coach. The junior joins the closet bleacher to him, ignoring how Jeongguk stiffens and Jimin's hand lands on his thigh, how the whole team seems to shift away, how alone he feels.

Coach Kim also pauses, eyes dropping to Yeonjun's, "Choi, nice of you to join us. We were just talking about the upcoming tournament and the starting lineup." The junior nods, anticipation gnawing at his core as Coach Kim focuses on his clipboard. "Alright. we have Taehyung, Seonghwa, Jeongguk, Jongho, Jimin, and Wooyoung."

Yeonjun's heart stutters at the lack of his name but he quickly reasons with himself, It's Seonghwa's last semester; Coach just wants him to get a match. I'll be on the bench for like a set or two.

"Back ups on the bench are Hongjoong, Seungmin, Yunho, and Felix." Coach Kim continues before anyone can react, "You guys know I stress enough about the game, don't make me stress about grades too. Keep them up; we can't afford to lose any of you. Since it's midterm season, I'll be nice and move to morning practice only for the remainder of the week. See you guys Wednesday bright and early."

Despite the dismissal, Yeonjun sits frozen. Even when Felix pats his back and Jimin tries to soothe him, he remains still. 

The coach just benched me. The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me. THE coach just benched me.The coacH benched me.The coAch just benched me.ThE coach benched me.The coach juSt benched me.The coach benched ME.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach benched me.The coach just benched me.The coach bench-

Taehyung places a comforting hand on the junior’s shoulder as he moves down the bleachers, "It's okay, you still have next sem-"

"Not with this team," Jeongguk remarks with a snarky tone.

Yeonjun shoots up, roughly pushing Taehyung away and marching over to Jeongguk where he sits on front row of the bleachers, "What did you just say, asshole?!"

"Gguk," Jimin calls in warning.

The upperclassman merely stands, unphased by having to look up to the younger, "I said you won't be playing with this team."

"Alright boys, that's-"

"-As a matter of fact, no team would want a piece of shit like you-"

The slap is sudden, the loud sound bouncing off the walls, sending the whole team into a flurry to grab Jeongguk before he can retaliate. They're a second too late; Jeongguk's fist makes contact with Yeonjun's right eye and then his left cheek in rapid succession. Yeonjun stumbles back, eyesight stained red, ears ringing from the commotion, brain clouded with anger. He takes advantage of Jeongguk's open form when the others manage to pry his arms back to land a solid blow on his mouth, hand stinging from the clash of bone on bone. His skin comes back smeared with red, Jeongguk's lip busted from the pressure.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Choi!" Jeongguk spits as Yeonjun is finally restrained by two of his team, Coach Kim yelling something about suspension, Jimin screaming for help, Seonghwa asking him if he's okay, Yeosang realizing his eye is bleeding.

I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. I'm benched. 

Yeonjun breaks out of Felix's hold, racing past the still struggling Jeongguk and chaos of his team into the cold air of November.

I’m a nobody.

He doesn't realize he's crying until he tastes the metallic salt.

I’m useless.

Until he makes it back to his apartment, chest heaving.

I don’t deserve anything.

Until his older brother runs into the bathroom after him and demands answers.

I ruin everything.

Until he forces himself into Yoongi's arms, tears now coming in uncontrollable waves, he somehow keeps himself together. 

Why do I even try?

He crumbles.

Chapter Text

"Well, guys," Soobin sighs towards the end of practice as everyone's doing their group stretches. "Usually we have Felix come fill in our rotation. But he won't be able to help us this time around. He's on the bench for varsity, which is good for him, but not so great for us."

He tries not to dwell on the fact that they used to have two other solid members to fill the rotation, both whom have since left to join varsity after two years of intramurals with Soobin. He was happy for his friends, truly, but this team was his heart and soul. He just couldn't leave it, especially not when Beomgyu and Jeongin came to him at the end of their competition last semester and promised him that they would win this year, that they would work even harder than before.

Soobin continues with a slight frown, "I know you've already tried before, but please keep reaching out and asking people to join. We can't compete without at least six of us and tournaments are just around the corner."

Everyone hums an affirmation as they finish the last set of stretches and break down the court. 

"You wanna come eat?" Taehyun offers when they're all done. 

The varsity team switched to morning practices so Soobin doesn't have an excuse to stay later like he typically does. "Sure," he agrees, picking up his gym bag. "But I'll meet you guys there. I'm gonna shower real quick."

They chose to meet at a family owned shop up the street from campus and head their separate ways. Soobin spends an obscene amount of time letting the water run over his head, mind wrapped up in finding a sixth member, rather than showering. He can't let the boys down after all the sacrifices and growth they've gone through in the first half of the semester alone. But he also has to be realistic; they need an experienced player if they want to actually win sets in competition. There is no time for him to just grab anyone and train them to be a defense specialist. They need someone with an unbridled passion for the game, acute determination, patience, and pre-formulated plays. 

Soobin is not that somebody.

While towelling off, Soobin decides that he'll go to morning practice tomorrow and talk to the varsity coach. Maybe he'll have some connections that he's willing to share about other coaches or even a team member that he can spare from his own lineup.

When Soobin arrives at the restaurant, it's already packed out with a huddle of people waiting outside the door in the chilly air. It's no surprise, as this restaurant is the best place to eat in a 50 mile radius around campus. He's grateful when he looks through the window to find Kai waving for him to come in, already seated at a round table towards the back. He makes his way inside, thankful for the heater, and joins them, tucking his bag beneath the table. 

"Soju is on me tonight," Beomgyu quickly says, pouring Soobin a shot.

He laughs, taking the glass in both hands, "Trying to get me drunk?"

"Just have a few questions is all,” Beomgyu shrugs with a slight smirk.

Everyone else also picks up their glasses, raising them, chanting one go. 

Taehyun and Kai collectively tap out after two shots, opting to eat up their skewers and giggle between each other.

However Beomgyu, Jeongin and Soobin keep going well past 5, occasionally munching on the meat and vegetables before them.

"How are classes?" Soobin asks through a mouthful of fish cake.

Jeongin pouts, grabbing kimchi from the group plate to add to his skewer, "My management information systems professor is a piece of shit. He assigned us two 5 page papers back to back. I'm gonna be stuck in the house all weekend."

"At least you didn't have two coding exams back to back. Dr. Lee makes us write out sequences by hand," Beomgyu slurs, his Daegu satoori slipping out in his inebriated state. "Now that's an asshole."

The junior chuckles, nodding in understanding, "Remember C's get degrees too. Just pass the classes and keep it pushing."

"Actually, hyung, C's get credit. There's no way I'll get into a nationally recognized aerospace engineering agency with a C," Taehyun counters as he steals a skewer from Soobin's plate.

Soobin rolls his eyes, a fond smile on his face, "Forgot we had a genius among us."

"Hey!" Kai, by far the drunkest among the five, cries out. "Without marine biologists, none of you would even exist!"

Jeongin erupts into a bout of cackles, joining with Taehyun to tease the other first year about his major. While they argue (read: screech drunkenly), Beomgyu leans closer to Soobin, eyes glossy as he asks, "Soooooo, how'd the date go?"

“A bust,” Soobin shifts his attention back to his empty glass with a pout, “The guy didn't even show up. And I'm pretty sure he unmatched me afterwards."

Beomgyu's eyebrows furrow before he insists, "He's a dickhead. Doesn't know what he's missin' out on!"

The soju bottle clacks harshly against Soobin's shot glass as he fills it again, "Starting to think I'm the dickhead at this point." He downs the shot, refilling the glass just as it leaves his lips, "Maybe I'm supposed to stay single. A guy would just distract me from focusing on the team." He knows he must be glowing red by now, but drinking has always helped him think less so he doesn't even care. He swallows the second shot, ignoring the burning in his throat.

"Hyung, no," Beomgyu interjects, hands grasping the bottle when Soobin starts to pour his third shot in the last minute. "You're a great guy and you deserve to be treated like one. I mean you're a political science major who's going to law school a whole year early! You have a cute baby face, you're athletic, you're tall, and you have your own apartment! They're the ones missing out, I promise."

Soobin doesn't bother to reply, just stuffs his mouth with the remainder of meat on the grill, pout still on full display.

"Look, why don't you let me put you on a date? Just once! You know I have good taste in men," Beomgyu wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, making Soobin snort. "Please?"

The captain overlooks his table, enjoying how content everyone looks, how much of a family they've become, how protective he's gotten over them, "No."

"Hyung-"

"Gyu."

"Just once-"

"No. I have this team and, honestly, right now that's all I need."

Taehyun and Jeongin let out terribly realistic gagging noises and Soobin just laughs, tossing a chopstick at each of them. They easily dodge them, tongues poking out, while joining in on the laughter.

Really, I have what I need right here, Soobin thinks to himself, watching Kai wrestle Beomgyu for the last sip of soju in the bottle. 

Chapter Text

"Yeonjun."

He buries his head deeper into his pillow, absentmindedly wondering if he could just suffocate peacefully.

"I know you're awake."

He groans audibly.

"Fine, let your eye get infected," Yoongi shrugs, moving away from the door just as it opens. "Oh, now you're up?"

Yeonjun doesn't answer, just stares down at his older brother's socked feet.

"C'mon." They go to the bathroom together where Yoongi gestures for him to sit on the lid of the toilet. He carefully peels back the bandage on the younger's cheek, face completely neutral as he inspects the injury. "Jin hyung called last night," he says, spreading ointment across the split skin. "Said the team will be here for you next semester if you wanna come back; said the break is just to give you time to learn to control yourself." Yeonjun closes his eyes in response. "Jeongguk decided not to press charges. Told the police he started it and that you were just acting in self defense."

"He lied."

Yoongi nods, drily adding, "Yeah. He's better than me; I would've followed your ass and beat you until you were begging for mercy."

His older brother is the only person that can handle Yeonjun's temper and dish out the same intensity without even flinching. It would've been far from the first scuffle the two have had. It's nothing to be happy about, but Yoongi always wins, always shuts down the fire that seems to engulf Yeonjun in his fits of anger, always breaks through to Yeonjun's logical side, always knows exactly what to do.

"I know."

"Open your eyes," the older commands and Yeonjun obeys, although he’s unable to hold the eye contact for long. "You're lucky they only suspended you from varsity and club activities for the semester. You could've been kicked out of the university for what you did, Jun-ah," Yoongi scolds him gently, as he's done his whole life.

Yoongi has been the calm one, the reserved one, the respected one for as long as Yeonjun can remember.

He on the other hand has always been the trouble maker, the nuisance, the burden.

The younger doesn't think that will ever change.

Yeonjun allows his head to be tipped back, accepts the tissue Yoongi offers him to hold under his eye while Yoongi pours 20 drops of whatever solution the doctor gave him to heal his eye. "I didn't mean to lash out," he admits, voice soft and cautious. "I wasn't even angry with him."

He truly wasn’t. He was angry with himself, with his inability, with his temper, with everything but other people. But Jeongguk caught the brunt of it.

"You need to apologize. I'm serious this time, Jun-ah. You literally hit one of the most intimidating men I've ever seen. He tore a ligament in your eye with a single punch for fuck's sake.” As if on cue, Yeonjun's eye begins to throb from the effort of looking up. "And he didn't press charges when he damn well had a right to."

"I just want to play the game," Yeonjun weakly offers, on the verge of tears from frustration and disappointment. "That's all I want, hyung."

"You can't always have what you want. Hoseok told you that."

Yoongi took his brother in as soon as he graduated high school and was getting ready to attend university, convincing Yeonjun to stay off campus with him. He made breakfast, lunch and dinner, drove Yeonjun around whenever he needed it, and gave him a job in the restaurant downstairs. Unlike their family home, Yeonjun doesn’t have to act out for affection; it's natural, weaved into the daily festivities of life. He was sure it was something only Yoongi could provide, something he’d picked up over the years of similar neglect. However, when Yeonjun met Hoseok after coming home roughed up from a fight freshman year and the older nearly had a heart attack over his black eye, Yeonjun experienced love in a new way. In the two short years they’ve known each other, Yeonjun has come to appreciate Hoseok almost as much as Yoongi. Hoseok calls him nicknames, hugs him tight, gives him his old clothes since they share a similar taste in fashion, and treats him like a little brother without Yeonjun even asking.

"You didn't tell Hobi hyung, did you?"

"How could I not?"

Sighing, Yeonjun closes his eyes, wiping away the tears and fallen solution, "How can I even face him?" 

"With the same grown ass energy you had when you swung on Jeongguk," Yoongi quips while cleaning up the products he used.

Yeonjun nods dejectedly, "I hope he won't be too upset with me... I hate when he doesn't talk to me..."

Yoongi places a hand on his shoulder in an act of comfort, "He's coming over tonight after we close the resturant so you got some time to think about what you wanna say; he can only hold out so long when it comes to you. Meanwhile Jin hyung said you could come to sit in at practice this morning and properly apologize to Jeongguk and then the team. Don't be late. And don't pick anymore fights, alright?"

Yeonjun's hand lands on top of his brother's to give a quick squeeze of gratitude and affirmation, "I'll be back home by 5."

"Better be."

Chapter Text

Soobin is starting to regret drinking on a week night when he enters the gym with a raging headache. The sound of volleyballs hitting the ground does nothing to soothe him and his bad decision. But he knows that he can’t put off his search because of his own selfish reasons; what kind of captain would he be?

"Soobin-ssi," Coach Kim calls out, bright smile on when he spots the volleyball player in the doorway of the gym. "I figured you'd come to practice today."

The junior can't help the grin that stretches his cheeks, bowing deeply after approaching the man, "Coach-"

"Didn’t I tell you to call me hyung?"

Soobin's face grows red, "Sorry, Seokjin hyung-"

"Jin hyung," Seokjin corrects, knocking on the brim of Soobin's cap for emphasis.

On the court, Yeosang pauses his serving to comment, "You don't even let us call you hyung!"

"That's because Soobin-ah here doesn't drain my pockets after every game- Yah, what am I? A TV? Focus on the ball!” Seokjin shouts to the members on the court who stopped to giggle at Yeosang's blushing expression. He shakes his head fondly at the group then shifts his attention back to Soobin, "You know you don't have to ask for permission to watch anymore, right? You can just sit down if you'd like."

"Well, actually, Jin hyung," Soobin begins just as the doors open behind him again.

Seokjin visibly stiffens, raising a hand to halt the junior's speaking. "Choi," his lips pinch together after he speaks the name and the whole room comes to stand still.

Soobin turns around to see the libero, in regular clothes, and his brow furrows from confusion. 

Is he late to practice? 

The rest of the team also stares at him and the libero lowers his eyes to the ground, face blank, backpack strap clutched tightly in hand.

"Coach Kim," the man bows similar to how Soobin had done, but does not return to standing, just keeps his head hung low. "Am I allowed to watch practice?"

It feels like time stops. No one's breathing, no one's moving, and Soobin feels as though he is invading in a private moment between the team and their libero when he glances at their expressions to see a universal one of unease.

"You are. Take a seat in the bleachers," Seokjin finally speaks after momentarily observing the younger man then returns his attention to the court. "Yah- what did I just tell you?! Keep practicing and warming up! We're practicing jump float serves all day today so I want you nice and loose!"

Despite the command, it takes another full minute for everyone to obey it. The libero- Choi, was it?- walks almost mechanically to the bleachers and takes a seat, slouching against the row behind him as he watches the team warm up.

Seokjin glimpses his direction once more before turning to Soobin, "Sorry about that, Soobin-ssi. What were you saying?"

"I was, um.” The junior tears his eyes away from the lone male. "The intramural team is a player short this season and I just wanted to know if you had any spare players? We really need someone who's good with defense."

Seokjin glances over the men on the court. "I forgot you guys usually took Felix... Hm, have you tried Mingi?"

"Uhm, well, I'd prefer someone with some plays memorized, sir. Mingi-" They both glance over at the lanky junior as he takes a ball to the face with a laugh "-doesn't exactly have good play knowledge."

"Hyunjin?"

"Says he's taking too many class hours."

"Ah... How about San?"

"San... San?" Soobin scans the court for him, spotting him helping Wooyoung stretch, then nods in affirmation. "I could ask him. I think he's in intra-swim, but maybe the schedules won't conflict."

Seokjin does another once over of the court then glances tentatively towards the bleachers. "Well... There may be one player that has a free opening all season."

"The libero?" Soobin follows his gaze, remembering the countless times he's seen the player in action. "He's incredible! His stamina is insane and his defense is like an iron wall. We could actually compete with his talent on the team."

"Yeah, that’s the problem. He’s too talented for his own good," Seokjin sighs out, lips pursing out of what can only be frustration.

Soobin resists the urge to say there’s no such thing. "Would he be interested in playing for intramural?"

"No telling; Choi is hard to figure out."

Soobin chews his lip in thought, knowing the libero would most likely be their best bet for success in the upcoming games. "If you don't mind me asking, hyung," he starts, watching how the libero's fists clench when a spike hits the net and everyone still commends the spiker. "Why is he sitting out today? Is he injured?"

"Maybe his pride."

"Huh?"

"You should find out from him. If you still decide to recruit him after hearing it, let me know, alright?" A nod. "We're starting practice now so you can take a seat," Seokjin dismisses the younger, blowing his whistle to catch the team's attention. "Line up, boys!"

Soobin scurries into the bleachers, taking his usual spot in the upper right hand corner. The angle allows him to both watch the court and the libero who sits up more, eyes trained straight ahead, not even sparing a glance his way.

What did you do, Choi?

~

When practice comes to an end, Choi shoots up from his seat and joins Seokjin's side. He says something then bows again, only to be lifted back up by Seokjin who replies to his previous statement with an affectionate smile. They share a moment of eye contact before the coach blows his whistle to catch everyone's attention. 

"Before you guys start cleaning up, Choi would like to speak," Seokjin briefly explains while gesturing to the brunette. The men collectively pause, some directly facing the male in question, others choosing to ignore him completely. Soobin is surprised that Seokjin doesn’t scold them, merely encouraging the libero, "Alright, go ahead."

Choi takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, fingers splaying then curling into fists. "Jeongguk sunbaenim, I apologize for acting on my childish impulses. I had no right to hit you or yell at you. I am grateful that you chose not to press charges for my moment of ignorance." - Charges?! - "Taehyung sunbaenim, I'm deeply sorry that I continually overrode your plays with my own and for pushing you away on Monday. Jongho sunbaenim, I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for repeatedly acting aggressive towards you on the court. To the whole team, I apologize for causing a commotion and not assisting the team in its betterment. It has only been a day." Soobin finds himself frowning deeper. "But I promise you all that I will spend this semester not only improving my skill, but also showing my commitment to the sport by bettering my sportsmanship so I can become a dependable member of this team." Choi bows again, this time with his chest nearly parallel to his knees and waits.

Soobin isn't sure what to expect, isn't entirely sure about what he just heard, but the way Seokjin is beaming at the younger male has him wondering if it was something good.

Eventually, their middle blocker- Jeongguk, Soobin reminds himself- steps out from the rest of the team. He studies Choi, lips pursed tightly together then extends his right hand between them. "I hope you do. We look forward to having you back next semester."

The tension previously closing in the room dissipates as Choi raises back up and shakes Jeongguk's hand. The other members echo a similar message, giving him a nod of acceptance, and he thanks them individually then all together. Once the rest of the team goes back to cleaning up, he dismisses himself, walking towards the exit.

Seokjin catches Soobin's gaze, eyebrow cocking up in a challenge as he mouths, "Can you handle that?"

Soobin smirks, head dipping in a nod, and rises from his seated position. Rather than answering him directly, he calls out while scrambling down the bleachers, "Choi, wait up!"

Chapter Text

Yeonjun feels thoroughly humiliated and, as irrational as it is, knows that only a steaming bowl of ramen from his brother's restaurant can make him feel better. However before he can send a text to Yoongi asking to save him a portion for lunch, someone's calling his name as if their life depends on it.

"Choi, Choi, Choi, Choi-"

Spinning on his heel, Yeonjun cares little about seeming polite while regarding the stranger chasing after him. "Yes?"

Despite Yeonjun using a venomous tone, the guy smiles charmingly anyways. "Hi, I'm Soobin."

"The intramural kid?" Yeonjun flatly offers, ignoring the way his stomach flips upon seeing the guy close up for the first time. "We've met before."

One corner of Soobin's smile twitches. "Right. But not formally. I'm the captain of the intramural team and, well, we are short a member this semester."

"That's a shame."

"It doesn't have to be."

Yeonjun sighs, hoping that the sound can convey just how dis(read: interested) he is with this conversation, "Look, I don't have time to play games with underclassmen-"

A scoff. "We're in the same year-"

"What do you want?"

Soobin drops his smile completely (and Yeonjun can't help thinking that's an actual tragedy), eyebrows pinching into a crease. "Can you fill in as our 6th member this semester?"

Silence engulfs them for a moment and then Yeonjun breaks it with a dry chuckle, turning away from the male in front of him. "You took time out of my day to ask me that?"

"It's not like you're doing anything better with your time."

"No thanks, kid."

"We're the same age, Choi."

Yeonjun starts walking into campus, wanting to get rid of whatever it is that they are having. "I said no either way."

"Why not?"

"Your team is pathetic."

"I prefer the phrase 'work in progress'."

"And you don't have a coach."

"We're in the process of hiring."

"And you're all underclassmen."

"I'm literally the exact same year as you!"

"I bet they can't even block a ball!"

"We're working on that!"

"Did I ask?" Yeonjun replies, completely exasperated.

Soobin falls into step beside him, hands flying around to add weight to the statement. "You said it yourself: you'll need the practice to stay sharp."

"How does practicing with a bunch of idiots-"

"-Hey, watch it-"

"-help me at all?" Yeonjun finishes, tone shrill. 

"Is that a bandaid?" Soobin suddenly inquires, head tilting in Yeonjun's peripheral. "Oh God! Your eye- it's- it's-"

"Bloody?" the brunette quips, making a sharp left into some random building to make more distance between the two. "Geez, I didn't realize."

Soobin's husky voice still reaches him as he hisses, "Okay asshole, I was just taken off guard."

"I thought you were here to convince me to join the team, not to hate it."

"Look, just-" A large hand wraps around Yeonjun's bicep making him stop. "Listen, alright?"

Yeonjun nearly yanks himself away, but remembers Yoongi's request for him to stay out of conflict (not because he is seeking, craving, the touch, but surely because he is pissed that anyone has to audacity to touch him). He isn't such a douche bag that he can't manage to keep his promise. He instead turns to fully face the offending male, lips twisted in irritation. "Let go and I'll consider it."

Soobin swiftly releases Yeonjun and takes a deep breath as if the conversation is painful, unpleasant. Yeonjun isn't sure if his heart swells with pride or sorrow from the action, however he isn't given much time to explore the thought before Soobin says, "Think of this as a partnership. You get to practice and develop proper communication skills with a team, something you clearly need,” he emphasizes with a sneer. “And we get to compete in tournaments with a possibility of actually winning this time around, something we deserve."

"I don't need anyone's help. I can fix my own issues-"

"Yes, because it makes so so SO much sense that you, a singular person, can learn how to actually get along with other people all by yourself," Soobin interrupts, eyes sparkling with the suggestion that he could do this all day with Yeonjun if he wanted to and for some reason that thrills him. 

Yeonjun has to calm himself down, an odd mixture of excitement and annoyance taking a hold of his nerves. "You're not making this offer very appealing."

"Yeah, well, you haven't given me much to look forward to either, Choi."

Yeonjun glances down at his phone, pretending to be shocked by the time, as if he would ever take a morning class. "Let's try this again later and, next time, at least pretend like I'm your first choice, 'kay?"

With that, Yeonjun passes by Soobin, shoulders brushing for no other reason than just to piss the other off, as he goes back out the same door he had passed through minutes ago. 

He'll be back.

Chapter Text

Why did I do this again?

Soobin stares at the libero in disbelief, "What?"

"Obviously it's an issue in leadership. You keep saying they have potential; well why haven't you turned it into something?"

Soobin fumbles, feeling exposed by the truth in statement, "It takes time to bring out potential. Half of the team just started playing volleyball a month ago!"

There's no way it's really my fault. I've been doing the best I can with what I've got... Right? 

"And?" Choi replies in a bored manner, continuing to speed ahead. "What do you have to show for it? A bunch of players that dodge the very ball they're supposed to control?"

"They have made progess-"

"Prove it."

"Wait, what?"

Choi does a 180 on the sidewalk, carelessly knocking shoulders with others also leaving campus after evening classes, "Let me see them in 3 on 3."

"They've never done-"

"If they actually do show any 'potential'," he air-quotes the word as if it's complete nonsense, "then I'll consider practicing with them."

Soobin finds himself taking a step back, the intensity of the libero's gaze catching him off guard, "And if they don't?"

"You leave me the hell alone."

The captain thinks back on how much they've grown as a team, their enthusiasm, their determination, how much time and love he's poured into the sport. "Fine. But, if you see what I see, you have to commit to the first tournament," he insists as he extends a hand for the other to shake, knowing he has to confirm the roster before they leave for winter break.

"Sure, whatever," Choi waves his hand away dismissively. "That's if they show anything other than confusion on the court. Let's go."

Soobin fights down the urge to argue further and places on a carefully constructed smile. He gestures to the gym further down the road behind him, "After you."

They walk in silence beside one another and Soobin can't help but stare at Choi's bloodshot eye.

"Take a picture. It lasts longer y'know," the male in question says after a few moments pass.

Soobin snorts, rolling his eyes so far back that they risk being stuck, "You wish."

They enter the gym to find Beomgyu and Taehyun placing the protective pads on the volleyball posts while Kai and Jeongin carry the box of volleyballs to the net.

"Soobin hyung!" Beomgyu calls out without looking up from the fasteners on the post. "I think I kind of mastered that service ace thingy-"

An abrupt scoff causes him to look up to see the libero from the varsity team beside an irritated Soobin. "Ahem," the captain clears his throat to gather everyone's attention. "Choi, meet Beomgyu, Taehyun, Kai, and Jeongin. Boys, meet your potential teammate."

They all collectively bow to him, but it's clear that Beomgyu and Jeongin aren't pleased by his presence. "I'll go change. Have them placed by the time I come out, alright?" the libero instructs as he heads to the locker room.

Once he's out of earshot, Jeongin shivers, "That guy's terrifying."

"He seems nice enough," Taehyun replies with a thoughtful glance in his direction. 

Beomgyu coughs, "Bullshit." Then, after seeing Soobin's unamused expression, innocently asks, "What?"

"What's so bad about the guy?" Taehyun inquires curiously.

Jeongin explains, "You haven't seen him play! If looks could kill," Jeongin's voice drops to a whisper, "all his teammates would be dead."

Soobin sighs, placing a comforting hand on Jeongin's shoulder, "He's our best option right now and we don't have enough to be picky. We're gonna play a 3 on 3 game to show him what we've got. Beomgyu and Kai, you'll be on his team- please don't fight me on this," he pleads to the fuming sophomore. "Jeongin and Taehyun, you're with me. We're doing front row so just focus on setting, blocking and spiking."

"What's he?" Kai moves to the side of the net Soobin gestures to.

Beomgyu answers disinterestedly, "Just a libero."

"A what?"

"He's the guy who receives balls so that the setter and spiker can focus on attacks. They're only allowed to play in the back row, but can switch in and out as much as they want."

"Oh, so they do have some brains," Choi seems amused as he places his backpack on the bleachers near the door. "That's a plus."

Beomgyu growls lowly and Soobin hopes that he didn't hear that. "You have Beomgyu and Kai,” the captain points to the opposite side of the net where the two boys are standing. "You'll serve first."

Each side gets into formation, Soobin facing Beomgyu on the right side, Kai and Jeongin facing each other in the middle and Taehyun and Choi on the left side. 

"Who's good at serving?" Choi asks his side without breaking eye contact with Taehyun, a smug expression already set.

Soobin chews his lip thoughtfully, then nods at Beomgyu, "He is."

"Service ace guy?" He sounds surprised, which only furthers Beomgyu's agitation that Soobin tries to calm with a leveled glare. "Show us what you got kid."

Beomgyu grabs a volleyball from the box then steps back past the out of bounds line, barely able to keep his lips sealed shut from uttering an insult. He takes a deep breath, bounces the ball once, twice, then tosses it up, counting one, two, before launching himself up after it, arm creating a perfect right angle as he hits the ball. It isn't the best, but it is so much better than his form two months ago.

"It's mine," Jeongin easily receives it, the ball arching perfectly to Soobin, "Nice receive, I.N!" who sets it to Taehyun, "Got it!" who jumps just after he spots it coming his way.

He swings hard, but Choi is quick and, with Kai's height, they manage to keep the ball out.

"Sorry," Taehyun apologizes while Jeongin dives to catch the ball, re-positioning himself to receive.

"It's alright, shake it off!" Kai reassures, praise so engrained into his play style that he doesn't even realize it isn't his team.

It makes Soobin's lips twitch in affection and he has to re-focus on the game. The ball bounces off of Jeongin's forearm and Soobin decides to just tip it over the net, a risky choice due to how close the others are on the first row, but his only option with the current rotation having Taehyun as the only spiker against tall blockers.

Choi follows the ball diligently like the defense specialist he is, arms launching it back to Beomgyu who has become the determined setter. "Kai," Beomgyu calls as he attempts to set the ball high enough for the lanky middle blocker. 

Spikes are not his specialty, a fact that Soobin learned after his first practice alone with Kai. It was something that he hasn't attempted to push Kai on either; he'd actually been focusing on receives and using his height to their advantage in a proper block. Soobin's breath catches in his throat as he watches Kai narrowly miss the ball, the sound of the object thudding against the court painful to his ear.

This is going to be a long game, the captain resigns while clapping and calling out, "Good hustle, good hustle. Taehyunie, your turn."

He avoids meeting Choi's eye as they all rotate down one and prepare for the next serve. He isn't sure if he can stomach whatever expression the junior is wearing at the moment.

"You got it, Taehyun-ah," Kai calls out encouragingly.

"Yah! Who's team are you on?" Beomgyu hisses playfully.

Jeongin smirks at Kai through the net, challenging, "The team that knows they're gonna lose."

"Oh my, I thought that was you," Choi breaks into the friendly banter with a counter of his own.

The serve comes suddenly, wavering too early before it reaches the net and landing with a dull thump.

"Oops."

Snickers come from the other side while Soobin comforts his member, "It's alright, it's alright, you'll get them next time."

This time Choi's up to serve.

Everyone holds their breaths and Soobin can only hope that the libero has mercy on his boys. "Go low," he murmurs to Jeongin, squatting further himself. "He usually does jump floats."

"What's that?" Kai mumbles back from across the net.

The impact of the ball is loud, rattling them all into action, eyes attentive. The ball makes a smooth arc over his side of the court, freely passes over the net, then suddenly-

"Mine!" Taehyn cries, lunging forward, arms stretched taunt.

The ball drops unceremoniously just in front of the net.

"That," all eyes flash to meet Choi who didn't even move after his serve, so confident that it wouldn't be returned, "happens when the ball has enough power to reach the net and stops just after. That's how you get a service ace."

"Whoa," Kai and Taehyun echo while Beomgyu picks up the fallen ball, expression tinged with awe.

"Can you do it again?" the sophomore asks softly, tossing the ball back to his teammate. He still clearly isn’t satisfied with the player himself but no amount of hatred could cover up talent or skill.

The junior's smile comes with ease, a seasoned player's self reliant calm, "Your wish is my command."

Although the sight is a promising step towards Choi joining the team, Soobin feels his stomach drop with the understanding that this game is far from over.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun isn't completely sure why he is subjected to running laps while Soobin just has Kai and Jeongin in a perfect squat against the wall with a volleyball clutched in their hands. But Taehyun, far from the sweet respectful freshman he'd met a month ago, reminds him (with yet another skillfully placed foot that almost makes him bust his ass) to keep up the pace. Beomgyu is far ahead of the two, determined to be the first, but Yeonjun is all about endurance, stamina. He doesn't care much about being last if that means that he'll have the most energy towards the end. It's something he attempts to tell the sophomore breathlessly when the other teases him about being a slowpoke.

"Ten more seconds!" Soobin shouts just as Kai releases what has to be the most inhuman scream that Yeonjun's ever heard.

No one seems phased by it aside from Yeonjun. He asks out of pure confusion, "What the fuck was that!?"

"Kai's battle cry," Jeongin supplies right before dropping to the ground when Soobin announces time’s up.

Yeonjun can't help thinking that he never wants to hear that ungodly noise again.

"Switch!" The captain whistles and everyone collectively groans.

Yeonjun reluctantly takes Kai's place on the wall, eyeing the him suspiciously before lowering into a squat without further instructions. The junior then directs his attention back to the looming figure above him, "How exactly is this preparing us for the game next week?"

"Well, Choi," Soobin flashes him a tight lipped smile, head tilted in the way that makes Yeonjun irritatingly warm. "Someone's number one complaint was that we don't do enough conditioning. I'm only following orders."

Which was true enough. Soobin had promised Yeonjun that they would listen to him when it came to advice, no matter how harsh. And he stuck to it. Maybe a bit too well.

Beomgyu falls into place beside Yeonjun, making a show of laughing at Kai's misery as he rubs his sore hamstrings with endearing pouty expressions.

"Yah! Stop that or I'll make you go even lower!" Soobin warns the underclassman while helping Kai to his feet, borderline cuddling him.

Beomgyu pouts, pushing his sweaty bangs aside, "You're playing favorites again, hyung."

Taehyun takes Yeonjun's other side on the wall, Gatorade bottle pressed harshly into his lips. "You say it like we didn't know Kai was his favorite," he gasps out before drinking more.

Yeonjun feels something drop within him (probably just from skipping breakfast).

"Oh my god, you said you didn't like the red flavor!" Jeongin glares from his fetal position beside the rest of his team, voice dangerously high. 

Taehyun sneers, "Red isn't a flavor, dumbass."

"Fuck you, nerd," Jeongin reaches for the bottle only to have Taehyun cap it and throw it towards their bags. "You absolute piece of shit-"

Soobin pinches the top of his nose bridge, demanding from the two arguing, "What did I say about cursing during practice?"

Jeongin's head hangs first, the weakest of the team when it comes to Soobin's disappointed tone, "Not to do it..."

"So then why must you continue to do it? No one else had even come close to cursing all practice until you-"

"Choi said fuck earlier!" Jeongin blurts out, shrinking further into himself when Yeonjun shoots him a death stare.

Soobin's eyes narrow as they flit over to the junior, "What?"

"Kai made that weird noise," Yeonjun defends himself, feeling fearful for some reason. "I thought he was dying or something! Not my fault he's weird as shit."

Beomgyu snickers while the others let out a low whistle, "Good luck."

Before Yeonjun can ask why, Soobin is on him, pushing his shoulders lower, making his squat deeper, his legs already burning with the effort of staying up. "We do not insult our teammates, especially not my Kai, Choi. You owe me 5 minutes of this deep squat, arms straight out in front of you," the captain growls into his ear, shoving a volleyball into his hands, then turns around. "Kai, Jeongin, I want non stop bleacher runs for the next 5 minutes. Beomgyu you're doing burpees- don't you dare try to argue with me!" The sophomore grumpily gets off the wall, muttering something about Soobin needing to get laid, resulting in Soobin announcing, "Make that burpees and suicides. Yeah, uh huh shut your mouth. And Taehyun, it's nothing by high knees for you sir. Oh is that too easy? High knees and deep back lunges then! No excuses! Let's go boys!"

If Coach Kim ever suggested conditioning as punishments whenever he deemed necessary, Yeonjun was sure he would fight back. But something was different whenever Soobin was telling him what to do. He didn't feel the urge to disobey, to bite back; it didn't feel like Soobin was underestimating him or trying to belittle him. In fact he doesn't think any of the guys felt that way. Soobin knew exactly what each of them needed to improve and this was just another method in which he chose to do it.

Everyone obeys their given command, grateful when they hear the click of the stop watch starting. Soobin himself runs laps around the court, offering encouragement and motivation to the members as he goes.

At some point the gym doors open and the varsity team spills in, laughing amongst themselves so freely that Yeonjun feels his heart burn. It's a slight pain, as if the fire is licking the edges of his subconscious, reminding him that they had moved on, that an entire season has almost passed without him. Yeonjun's embarrassment spikes at the very idea of his teammates watching him with the intramural kids so he decides to keep his head down for the remainder of his squat. He concentrates on the feeling of the ball in his hands, his legs fighting to keep him up right, his back threatening to slide down the wall.

You'll never play with them again.

Yeonjun shakes his head gently, letting out a slow exhale. He had been doing well these past four weeks; he went to practice every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night without fail, did his outside bit of conditioning which mostly involved his late night jogs around campus, picked up more shifts in the restaurant to have some pocket change, even cleaned the apartment. He was functioning.

You really think they'd let someone like you back on the team?

He reminds himself that every skilled athlete has obstacles, that he's making the best of a bad situation.

A situation you caused by being too weak to keep the ball up.

Coach Kim had told him that he was off this season because of his temper, not skill.

Seokjin's close to Yoongi. Of course he'd lie to you about whether or not you were bad idiot.

No, Jin hyung would never lie.

Yoongi is the only reason you made it on the team. He was the best damn libero SNU had ever seen.

No, it's because Yeonjun trained for this, he deserved it-

You're worthless-

"Choi," Soobin's voice breaks into his thoughts, through the white noise of volleyballs landing on the court and shoe squeaks. "Jeongin, Beomgyu, back row now."

Yeonjun is grateful for the distraction, shimmying himself up the wall and unto his feet fully. He steps onto the court, fingers flexing to get the blood flowing through them after his death grip on the volleyball. Jeongin joins him on the right while Beomgyu goes left.

"Kai, Taehyun," the captain calls out to the other members. "Front row."

Once everyone is in position, Soobin goes onto the opposite side of the net, out of bounds. "Choi, you're gonna have to defend and attack. When you all rotate leave the middle front row spot open for him to come through."

Kai quickly objects, "But, captain, liberos can't play front row."

"As long as they jump before they touch the ball over the attack line," Soobin clarifies, eyes locking with Choi's in a challenge, "They can do whatever they want."

Yeonjun knows that, but he's never even attempted to chase a ball outside of the back row. It isn't something most liberos do; in fact it is in extremely rare cases that a libero is needed to make a play on the front row. Soobin is in over his head about pulling off something like that with a team like this.

He knows you won't even be able to do it. He wants you to make a fool of yourself.

Yeonjun tries to push the thought aside when Soobin doesn't break the eye contact, feeling too vulnerable in front of the other. He knows Soobin only wants for him to get stronger. So he would try.

For Soobin.

"Make sure you guys communicate. And praises, lots of praise from all of you. This isn't going to be easy without an assigned middle blocker," Soobin continues, bouncing the volleyball twice in anticipation. "Jeongin, make sure you tuck your knee in when you lunge to receive alright?"

"Got it."

"Taehyun-"

"Focus on taking it back if I can't see a clear spot."

Soobin smiles fondly at the younger, "Alright, let's do it." He tosses the ball up then launches himself after it, sending the ball straight to Kai.

"All me," Kai calls out, receiving it without much control. "Uh- sorry!"

Taehyun's first to speak, tracking the ball, "It's cool; you got it next time!"

"Chance ball!" Beomgyu announces, stepping back since the ball is going right anyways. 

Jeongin tosses it back over the attack line with a "Mine!" 

"It's too low for a spike!" Taehyun assesses the set up. "Can I get one more touch?"

Yeonjun glances to his left to double check that Beomgyu won't go for it. "I'll try," the libero runs just up to the line then jumps over it, fingertips tapping the ball a bit higher. "Last touch."

Sets are not Yeonjun's strong point. Matter of fact it, they aren't even on his training radar. Especially not with powerful setters like Taehyung and Hongjoong on varsity. But he manages to make a good enough set for Taehyun to hit. 

However, before the ball even hits the opposite side of the court, Soobin is serving again. "Choi, make sure you're keeping the power in your fingertips too. Don't let the weight bend them," he advises. "You're doing well, just put your head in the game."

Yeonjun links eyes with him, clearly irritated and flustered by his lack of expertise in the area, but replies to the comment with a "Heard, captain! Thank you!"

The way Soobin's eyes crinkle at the side when he breaks into a delighted grin makes the embarrassment worth it.

"Got it!" Beomgyu shouts as he receives the ball. "Kai, it's yours!"

Kai panics, basically smacking the ball into the net without much planning or power, "My bad guys."

No one answers him and Soobin serves yet again, this time aiming at Jeongin. "Communicate!" Soobin reminds them. "We can't be a team without talkingggg!"

"All good, Kai, just be ready next time," Jeongin drops into a deep squat, scraping up the low ball. "It's up!"

Yeonjun debates his next move, "Taehyun, pass it back!"

The freshman only falters for a moment as the ball approaches him, "Okay, Choi-ah!"

The ball arches back to Yeonjun and he jumps, spiking the ball clear over the net and in a perfect offensive angle. It would be a challenge to receive the ball for any opponent, a scatterball to be specific, but Yeonjun is hardly able to appreciate his work when another ball comes.

"Got it!" Kai says, passing the ball back to his team.

"Nice receive Kai!" Beomgyu sets it for Yeonjun, "All yours!"

The ball barely leaves Yeonjun's hand when next one is served.

"Nice kill Choi-ah!" Taehyun almost squeals giddily, his childish side always more vibrant on the court. 

"That's what I like to see! Do it again!" Soobin calls out with the same stupid (read: heart stopping) grin on his face. "But Jeongin set for Choi this time!"

By the time practice ends, 30 minutes past the usual time, the varsity team is cooling down with laps around the full court.

Yeonjun distracts himself by downing his water bottle by the bleachers to keep from glaring at them when they pass.

"Choi," Beomgyu says from the court, peeling the padding off a post. "Can you give me a hand?"

Yeonjun looks up in surprise at the sophomore who typically ignores him outside of practice, "Uh, yeah."

He jogs to close the distance between the two and disassembles the other post, gathering it up in one arm. 

He hates you.

Yeonjun forces his face to appear neutral, remembering Yoongi's advice to stay out of his thoughts when interacting with people. He tells himself that Beomgyu doesn't hate him, that he just needed his help.

Yeah right. You fuck up everything. Why would he need you?

"Wanna come eat?" Beomgyu suddenly asks, still looking at the equipment while they stack up the pads in the gym closet.

Yeonjun frowns in confusion, "What?"

"Do you want to come eat?" Beomgyu grits out this time, refusing to make eye contact. "With the team?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? You're on our team."

He doesn't really want you to go.

"But I've never been to dinner with you guys before," Yeonjun replies as if the issue at hand is obvious.

A hand claps down on his shoulder causing him to flinch involuntarily. "Exactly, that's why Beommie is asking," Kai explains softly.

"Beommie?" Beomgyu repeats with an expression close to disbelief on his features. "Who the hell-"

Kai pouts, his eyes gleaming mischievously, "Soobin hyung told me I could call you that."

"I'm gonna kill him!" Beomgyu pushes past Kai into the open gym where he starts screeching the junior's name angrily.

Kai, however, blocks Yeonjun's view, stepping in front of the door, "What do you say?"

"We just play volleyball together."

"Uhmm, yeah I know that."

"We're not friends."

"I think we are."

"Who made you think that?" Yeonjun's nose wrinkles in disgust.

"We see each other more than we see our families!"

You don't belong with them.

"And?"

You're only gonna get hurt if you go.

Taehyun pops his head in beside Kai's shoulder, "Soobin hyung said he was paying for everyone!"

Don't. You. Dare.

"Well then," Yeonjun clears his throat, pushing away all of the intrusive thoughts with the promise of interacting with someone other than his brother and his brother's boyfriend for once. "Guess I'll be joining you all."

Kai breaks into another infamous whine of his, letting himself be pushed out of the way, "So you agree when Hyunnie asks but not me?!"

Yeonjun doesn't bother to answer him, "Where are we going?"

"Hooked on Skewers," Jeongin answers, changing his shoes in the bleachers. "It's up the street."

Yeonjun pauses in shock at his brother's restaurant name then nods and grabs his bag, almost robot like, "I'll meet y'all there, I'm gonna shower."

"'Kay," the sophomore answers cheerily.

Yeonjun rounds the corner and lifts a brow at the sound of a shower running. He didn't know anyone had already gotten to the showers before him. The person doesn't seem to take note of his presence, continuing to sing some catchy pop tune loudly. The junior rakes his mind for any players from varsity that sing only coming up with Jeongguk, but that was only if Taehyung or Jimin asked him to. As he strips down and steps into a stall a few curtains down, the mysterious singer breaks into another song in English this time. It isn't until Yeonjun has cut on his own shower that the singing stops.

You ruin everything.

Chapter Text

Soobin smiles, inwardly cursing himself for staying in the first place. "We've made a lot of progress. I have a good feeling about-"

"-You always have a good feeling," Hyunjin interrupts him, arms slung around Felix and Wooyoung.

Soobin bites the inside of his cheek harshly. "Well, I am the captain so of course I think highly of my team."

Wooyoung glances towards the doors that the intramural players just exited. "They're all so new to volleyball... None of them even played in middle school, Soobinnie."

"So?"

"So," Felix cautiously begins, "Don't get too, uhm, over your head about it?"

Soobin bites down hard enough to draw blood to keep from replying.

Hyunjin doesn't notice the action. "We all know how depressed you get whenever you guys lose-"

Wooyoung interrupts the younger with a slap on the back of his neck, "What he's trying to say is to not let yourself get down when things don't turn out well."

Felix adds, "Coach's offer still stands y'know?"

Hyunjin perks at the mention, protecting the back of his neck with his hands now. "Have you considered?"

"No. I have my own team," Soobin calmly reminds the three, feeling his own composure begin to crumble.

Wooyoung steps forward in earnest. "We know that, Soobin. We just want you to know that you would be appreciated if you came to varsity. Coach really thinks you would be an amazing addition. I mean he'd replace Taehyung-ssi in a heartbeat if he knew you-"

"-Soobin?" The familiar rasp of Choi's voice calls out. "Oh- I didn't realize you were busy."

When Soobin turns around, he finds Choi in a simple black sweat set, varsity jacket hanging carelessly off one shoulder. 

"We were actually just wrapping up," Soobin quickly says, turning to bow at the other three. "I'll see you guys around."

Hyunjin and Wooyoung frown while Felix flashes a good-natured smile. "Later Soobinnie!"

With that, Soobin leads the way out of the gym, Choi close behind him. Once he's out into the fresh air, he takes a shaky deep breath and tries to exhale all his frustration out. He focuses on the exchange of air while he walks down the block towards the restaurant where the rest of the team is.

"You didn't have to wait for me," Choi's voice shatters his attempts to re-center himself. "I know how to get there myself."

Soobin swallows back his anger to answer him, "Wanted to make sure you didn't ditch us."

There's a pause and Soobin glances behind himself to catch the libero with a look of disbelief on his face. However, as soon as they lock eyes, Choi breaks into an ugly cackle. "I could still ditch you if I wanted to."

"But you won't."

The rest of the walk is quiet, neither directly looking at the other, but both peeking in obvious ways that make their cheeks flush. When they reach the restaurant, they find their team in the same table they always get towards the back. He instantly notices that they already ordered five bottles of soju, which means this night is going to be interesting. Soobin drops his bag onto the floor and shoves it beneath the table before lowering into his seat at the head of the table. Choi falls into the only space left, one to the right of Soobin and on the same side as Beomgyu.

"Don't run up the tab too much alright? It'd be nice if I could eat for the rest of the month," Soobin scolds them preemptively but no one pays him any mind.

Taehyun pours Choi's shot as Kai fills Soobin's glass, both passing them back to their respective owners. Jeongin and Beomgyu giggle between each other, already seeming drunk, and Choi's face scrunches with an expression akin to suffering.

Kai, ever the perceptive person, lifts his glass, announcing, "Ready? One, two, three!"

Everyone downs their first shots, Taehyun hissing out of his disgust for non-flavored soju and Jeongin laughing at Soobin's puckered lips. Their conversations naturally start up again and Soobin takes the moment to load up the grill in front of them.

"I didn't know you were friends with so many varsity players," Choi says quietly beside him, watching him place down everyone's skewers.

Soobin shrugs. "More like we know of each other. I've only played with Hyunjin, Wooyoung and Felix."

"How?"

"They were in intramurals with me. We actually went to high school together. Felix and I have known each other since middle school to be exact."

The table rumbles with a cheerful cry for another round of shots. This time Jeongin speaks, "Wait, wait! This'll probably be the last big dinner we have before the first game and I just wanna say I love you guys." Beomgyu and Taehyun gag loudly. "Yeah, yeah, whatever! I know we can win!"

Everyone tosses back their second round and Soobin joins them in the third and fourth round too, grateful that it's the weekend tomorrow. However he taps out after the fifth, opting to sip the remains of his bottle while Beomgyu orders four more for the rest of them.

"How'd you find this team?" Choi asks over the commotion of the boys beside them.

Soobin smiles at the memory of it. "Well, last year, Hyunjin, Wooyoung, Felix, Beomgyu, Jeongin, and I were on the boys intramural volleyball team. We did amazing in competition; there was no match for us as a team."

"But they're on varsity now," Choi notes.

Soobin glances up from his bottle to the grill. "Yeah... They are." He then pushes around the meat, flipping some pieces over, in order to mask his own disappointment at the reminder. "Coach Kim saw their potential and offered them a position halfway through the season... They stayed one week. Next thing I know only Jeongin, Beomgyu, and I show up for the spring final tournament and, well," he lets out a bitter chuckle, "you have to have a team to compete in the first place."

Choi stiffens beside him, the information apparently new to him. "Oh."

"Yeah," Soobin sneers, memories of bruised arms from intensive practice, Wooyoung's squeaky laughter whenever they would block a ball, Felix's toothy grin whenever he did a good dive, and Hyunjin's easy going leadership flooding back in heavy waves. "Jeongin and Beomgyu somehow convinced Kai and Taehyun that volleyball would be the best decision ever... It's been us ever since."

At that moment, seconds before Soobin's mind goes into a frenzy state of regret, Taehyun says, "Hey! You!"

Both Soobin and Choi look over at the freshman who is guzzling into his second bottle of soju with ease.

"Why don't we get to call you your first name?" He inquires, alcohol sloshing in his glass.

Choi's brows furrow together, mouth opening into an 'o'. "What?"

"Why can't I call you your first name?" Taehyun repeats, obviously irritated.

"Why would you?"

"Because we're close."

"We are?"

"That's what I just said!"

Soobin then realizes he also doesn't know Choi's first name, or his major, or birthday, or anything about him actually. Aside from the fact that he's a cocky asshole who can play his ass off in volleyball.

"Wait, you don't know my full name?" Choi abruptly asks, catching everyone's attention. "No one told you my full name?" Everyone shakes their heads. "You're telling me you guys have been calling me Choi because you didn't know my first name?" All nod. "That's... just great."

Soobin, feeling like a terrible captain for not even questioning his lack of knowledge, speaks first, "We just thought that's what you preferred."

There's a long pause, where the sizzle of the skewers and other people's chatter is reduced to background noise, and all Soobin can focus on is the way Choi's dark chocolate hues peer into his, as if he could see past all his insecurities, as if he knew Soobin before Soobin could even begin to understand him. "Yeonjun," he replies, holding Soobin hostage in his piercing stare. "My name is Yeonjun."

"Yeonjunnie hyung!!" Kai singsongs happily. "That's so cute! I like that name a lot!"

Startled by the compliment, Yeonjun falters, effectively breaking whatever trance he'd captured Soobin in, "What?"

"It's cute!"

"No, it is not!"

"It totally issss! Right, Beommie?"

"It suits you," Beomgyu concludes, studying the skewers that have almost blackened on the grill. "Soobin hyung, pass me one before it chars, please."

Soobin shakes his head as if to get the remains of Yeonjun's control to fall off and grabs the tongs, moving a skewer to his plate. He also passes out the rest of them, purposefully avoiding Yeonjun's watchful gaze as he does so. 

"Why didn't you join varsity?" 

Soobin deflects the question with one of his own, "Why did you?"

"Because my parents wanted me to."

Soobin tries not to show his surprise from receiving an actual answer, taking a bite of his skewer. "Oh... Why is that?"

"Because my brother did it. And was really good at it too." Soobin decides that the way Yeonjun sounds right now is the way he always wants him to sound: comfortable. "The best libero SNU has ever had."

Soobin finishes chewing, eyebrow raised. "I don't think I've ever heard a libero with the last name Choi."

"His last name is Min. Min Yoongi."

"What?!" Jeongin suddenly blurts, eyes wide. "Your brother is THE Min Yoongi?! Holy shit, he was like, like-"

"The best?" Yeonjun supplies. "I know."

"That's so cool," Beomgyu comments through a mouthful of lamb, his satoori peeking out as usual when he's tipsy. "He's like a legend. That explains why you're so good."

Yeonjun breaks into a frown. "My skill has nothing to do with his."

"I wasn't saying that-"

Taehyun reaches across the table for sauce to add to his skewer. "Yeonjun hyung would blow this Min guy off the court."

"There's no way!" Jeongin protests.

Kai pouts. "What? Yeonjunnie hyung is the best volleyball player ever! No one is better than him!"

"Alright, alright now." Soobin smiles fondly at their drunken bickering before teasing, "Don't gas him up too much."

When the other four go back into their own conversations, Soobin isn't surprised to find Yeonjun still on him. "You didn't answer my question," he presses.

"Didn't know it was required," Soobin retorts while he pours himself another shot. "Why does it matter?" He tosses it back then adds, "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Just wanna know more about my captain is all."

Soobin stares down at the green glass bottle then back up at the man beside him, holding Yeonjun's penetrating contact for once, "Let's make a deal. An eye for an eye. You tell me about you and I tell you about me."

"How do I know that you'll keep up your end?"

Soobin smirks when he catches a glimmer of uncertainty in the man's tone, something rarely found in anything that Yeonjun does. "You'll have to trust that as your captain, your teammate, and your friend," he pauses for emphasis, "that I would never do something that would hurt you or your contribution to the team."

"My birthday is September 13th... 1999."

"December 5th, 2000. I thought you were a junior."

Yeonjun smiles sheepishly, biting into his skewer for the first time tonight. "I am. Freshman year was rough; I got set back a semester."

"Oh." Soobin tries to distract himself with eating in order to keep his excitement contained at the realization that Yeonjun is actually speaking to him about more than just volleyball. "What's your major?"

"Physical therapy," he replies with a small shrug. "Kinda just chose whatever sounded cool when I got recruited onto the volleyball team. My brother also thought it'd be a good fit since I like to train and help others."

"What does the great Min Yoongi do now anyways? Didn't he go off to join the national team?"

Yeonjun shakes his head, taking some time to chew his bite. "He actually ended up rejecting the offer. He found the love of his life and wanted to settle down doing what he had always loved alongside volleyball. Cooking."

Soobin doesn't voice his opinion on how insane Yoongi had to have been to say no to such a life changing opportunity, no matter who he was dating. If a recruiter from the national team even breathed Soobin's way, he'd play ten times as hard as he usually did. He'd abandon law school all together, a move his parents would not appreciate, but something that he could live without. Soobin didn't really have attachment to his degree or life trajectory either anyways. It was all his parents idea; studying political science and going to law school so he could become the head of the legal agency at the family company. However throughout his schooling, it had become increasingly clear that Soobin would rather hold a ball than a pencil. So, his parents decided to use volleyball as a chess piece to get Soobin to follow their command. If he didn't receive straights As in high school, then he couldn't play. If he didn't get into SNU, they wouldn't pay for his school. If he didn't study what they wanted, they would cut him off financially. If he didn't keep the legacy of the company afloat, they would disown him and slander his name in the business world. All of which meant he wouldn't be able to play the only thing that gave him peace and control, the one thing he chose himself. Volleyball was and still is the only reason Soobin tries in school. So it only makes sense to him to give up everything for the sport. Even the one he loves.

"Does he regret it?" Soobin finds himself asking, an afterthought reflecting on how prying it is. "Wait, I'm sorry, you don't-"

"-I don't think so," Yeonjun interrupts him with another dismissive shrug. "He's so in love and that makes him so happy that I think he could do anything for a living and be satisfied with it."

Soobin nods slowly even though he doesn't understand how one could hold so much of their happiness in another person. 

"I don't see how he did it, if I'm honest," Yeonjun says so softly that Soobin would've mistaken it for a drunken murmur had he not been looking so closely at the other. "Love is so unpredictable, so... so-"

"Disorienting?" Soobin offers, trying to imagine a love so deep that it can make someone give up their dream. 

Yeonjun seems to ponder the word, finishing his skewer as he thinks, then finally speaking, "Terrifying."

"Well." Soobin smiles at the choice of word, glad to know he wasn't alone in his thoughts. "I can't say that you're wrong."

When Yeonjun returns the smile, Soobin feels something within him swell with pride, satisfaction and something that Soobin refuses to acknowledge.

The team always says that they'd be nothing without me, Soobin thinks to himself as he scans the table to find Beomgyu and Kai in the middle of an arm wrestling match with Jeongin as the referee and Taehyun as the score keeper. But the truth is: I would be nothing without them.

Chapter Text

"Wow, my first real game," Kai sighs in awe for what has to be the 12th time. 

Yeonjun pays him no mind, having fully adjusted to Kai's outlandish personality in the time he has been playing with the team. He just continues to study Soobin as the male wraps his ring and index fingers in white bands while talking seriously to the score keeper who keeps staring at the small team with an uneasy expression. Yeonjun was sure he would have the same look of pity for their team if he had been arranging the rosters. Every other team had twelve members, give or take, while SNU was the only team of six. They didn't have any substitutes or secret weapons. One wrong move from any of them, a rolled ankle or over-exerted ligament, and it could lead to forced forfeiture or, even more humiliating, disqualification.

Taehyun appears beside him in a crouch, decked out in the standard all black uniform set, "Are you nervous?"

"Why would I be?" Yeonjun replies coolly, trying to make his staring less obvious by looking down while he ties the knots in his shoelaces.

Kai answers quickly, windmilling his arms to prep himself, "Well, because this is our first ever tournament-"

"-Your-"

"Our," Kai insists, crossing an arm over his chest and stretching it. "We're a team hyung."

Hyung. Yeonjun still hasn't become fully accustomed to hearing such an endearing term directed towards him yet. But the freshmen and, occasionally, sophomores of the team continue to use it when speaking to him. Even outside of practice. Yeonjun can't help but be surprised every time he sees them and they wave wildly, screeching his name as if they won't see each other later in the evening or the next day. Sometimes he has lunch with them. Well, more like Kai, Jeongin, Taehyun, and Soobin (and at times Beomgyu when he's not off flirting with random guys in his classes for their notes), follow him and sit at the same table in the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays since they have a class in the same building or close by. He offers to pay for them most of the time and everyone aside from Soobin is pretty compliant. Which is understandable since Soobin feels like they're close enough in age that they're friends, not brothers.

Brothers.

"Nerves just make it harder to play," he manages to say before he zones out thinking about how he's somebody's hyung now.

"You say it like we can just get rid of them," the freshman whines, switching to his other arm.

"You can," Yeonjun looks up in shock when he hears Soobin's voice to his right. "Yeonjun-ah is right. If you guys are nervous, you won't play right. So get them out before we hit the court okay?"

Yeonjun-ah. Soobin started calling him that the night that they had dinner together. They had talked for hours, staying until well past closing time, while the other team members drifted away in pairs at some point in the night, drunk and full. Taehyun and Kai first since they lived in the dorms together. Then Beomgyu and Jeongin since they shared an apartment near campus. Beomgyu even hugged Yeonjun before he left, something that he was sure the sophomore wouldn't have done in his sober state. He offered to walk Soobin home when he realized how late it was, but the raven haired male politely refused, insisting that he would be fine. When he left to go home, Yoongi gave Yeonjun an earful about keeping him up past his bedtime before he could creep up the stairs to the apartment. That didn't stop Yoongi from teasing him about being such a gentleman the following morning when he'd woken up hung over.

For once Yeonjun didn't mind.

"Yes captain," they chant in unison then break into their own stretching routines.

A few minutes later a referee approaches the group and Soobin steps forward. "Do you all have a coach?" the older man asks, eyes pinched tight at the corners and Yeonjun feels his stomach sink.

"I'm currently acting as the coach and captain," Soobin informs him respectfully. "Is there an issue?"

The referee looks back towards the table in which he had come from then at Soobin again, "I'm sorry kid, but the rules have changed this season. A player can't sub in as a coach anymore. We need a separate person that will submit the starting line up and sit at the sidelines for timeouts."

Everything seems to come to a crashing stop.

Yeonjun had absently thought that they wouldn't last long on the court, but he didn't imagine that they would be kicked out before they even had a chance to reach it. He glances to his left to see Taehyun and Beomgyu share a look of shock, Kai one of disappointment and Jeongin one of absolute devastation. Then he glances back to his right to see Soobin, frozen, wide doe eyes searching for something like a sign or a person or perhaps a camera that would pop out and tell him it was all a poorly timed joke and that their first match was coming up with some random team from a nearby university. But one look at the referee, who had the decency to hold an apologetic smile, let Yeonjun know that the man was dead serious.

"Is there anyone you can call?" the referee asks, cowering under their heavy gazes.

Silence.

"It can be anyone. We honestly just need someone to hand us over the form and sit through the game next to the score keeper."

Yeonjun finds himself speaking before he's even thought through his words, "How long do we have before the match starts?"

"Uhm," the older man glances down at his phone. "30 minutes."

"And it can be anyone? They don't have to have affiliation with the school?"

"No. As long as they can get here in the next 30 minutes."

"Okay, we'll have someone here soon. Thank you for letting us know," Yeonjun feels sick to his stomach, hands shaking even after the man leaves.

Soobin doesn't even turn towards him when he asks, "Who? Who do you know?"

Yeonjun's years of keeping a neutral facial expression allows him to pretend he isn't ferociously raking his mind of the people he knows, "We can call someone from varsity-"

"They have an away game today," Soobin dismisses the idea before Yeonjun can even finish it. 

Beomgyu frowns, eyebrows furrowing, "What about Hyunjin-"

"Exam."

Kai fidgets uncomfortably then clears his throat, offering, "My brother. He was supposed to come watch the game today, I'm sure he won't mind-"

"Can you call him? See how far he is. Ask him if he doesn't mind subbing in as a temporary coach. Don't pressure him about it though. Let him choose," Soobin instructs coolly, still staring at the spot the man was standing in. "Anyone else?"

When Kai ducks away to call his brother, Taehyun, Jeongin and Yeonjun catch each other's eye. "What about... your brother?" Jeongin inquires, careful in his tone. "He dropped you off this morning didn't he? He may still be in the area."

Yeonjun feels his stomach lurch again, "I-I doubt he would-"

"Can't you ask? It doesn't hurt just to ask."

"Yeah," Taehyun interjects, "All he's doing is sitting and watching a game."

"I think he has work-"

Yeonjun tenses when Beomgyu perks up, "Wait, your brother is Min Yoongi right? The old libero prodigy?! Ohmygod, there's no way we could lose if we had him actually coaching us. Please, just call him hyung! Please I'll do anything you want! Pleaseeee-"

"Gyu, stop," Soobin harshly commands causing everyone to flinch. "That's enough. If Yeonjun does not want to call his brother, then we will not make him. We will not make him feel bad for his choices and we will not bribe him into doing it. Am I clear?"

The atmosphere goes heavy, a weight that presses onto all of their chests collectively, and Yeonjun realizes that this is the first time he's ever seen Soobin angry.

"Am I clear Beomgyu?"

The sophomore ducks his head, mumbling, "Yes captain."

No one else bothers to speak, all too frustrated by their own inability to fix the situation. Yeonjun glances towards Kai, who's hands are flailing in front of him as he speaks, and finds himself hoping to every deity that his brother would say yes.

"I'll be back. Stay here," Soobin speaks, still refusing to look their direction. "Do not follow me."

With that, the junior walks off, fingers curling into fists as he leaves the massive gymnasium.

"I haven't seen him that upset since last year's competition," Jeongin is the first to break the silence.

Taehyun glances towards the doors he exited from, "I don't think I've seen him like that ever."

"Me neither," Yeonjun adds pitifully, turning to Beomgyu, "By the way, I'm not mad at you. I just-"

"Just drop it," the sophomore exhales a long breath, pushing aside his blonde bangs. "We have more important things to worry about right now."

Kai suddenly returns, a goofy smile on his face and Yeonjun can feel his chest get lighter from the expression alone, "So I have good and bad news! What do you want first?"

"Kai," Taehyun narrows his eyes at the freshman. "This is not the time."

Kai's smile dims, but only by a fraction, and he averts his gaze to the ground, "Right, sorry Hyunnie. Um, my brother can't make it because he's teaching a class right now. But his boyfriend, who was with him, said that he could. He's on his way. He said he'd be here like 15 minutes."

Everyone puffs out a sigh of relief then Beomgyu asks, "Who's gonna tell Soobin hyung?"

No one looks particularly excited to fetch the captain (especially not after being directly told not to follow him) so Yeonjun, being the good hyung he is to his dongsaengs, volunteers, "I'll go get him. Make sure to get the guy to submit our roster as soon as he gets here. Keep warming up, okay?"

When they all hum an affirmation, he sets off to the doors Soobin had exited from and begins his rapid search. He peeks into classroom windows, checks behind every door that opens and even scours the bathroom. Time is ticking by with every failed attempt and Yeonjun is quickly spiraling into panic mode. He all but investigated every path that they had encountered when entering the building this morning and still had not found the very noticeable 6'1 volleyball player.

When he comes to the end of the hall, he tries the last door possible just for the hell of it: the custodian closet. And, much to his surprise, there the captain is, puking into a mop bucket, face blotchy and red as he clutches himself tightly.

Yeonjun stumbles back, reeling from the pungent smell, "Soobin-ah."

The junior looks up, bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks on full display. He holds the eye contact for ten intense seconds before retching again, his body jerking to expel his breakfast. Yeonjun has to look away to keep from gagging himself.

"I'll be back," he manages to explain then bolts down the hall to the bathroom. 

He pulls out a stack of paper towels from the dispenser and wets a handful of them. He also spots a water cooler closer to the gym entrance and fills a cup up, hopping back and forth on his feet, trying his best to be quick.

When he makes it back to the closet, Soobin has slid down the wall, leaning against it for support while loosely holding the foul smelling bucket. He's breathing heavily and his eyes are shut. " I told you not to follow me," he croaks.

Yeonjun closes the door behind himself and lowers onto one knee. He struggles with his next words, unsure of where his level of friendship lies with the captain, even after all this time. He settles for what he would usually say, "You of all people should know I don't listen to little kids."

There's a stifling bout of silence and Yeonjun almost collapses when Soobin's small chuckle fills the air around them, "Of course you don't."

Yeonjun feels his mouth stretch into a small smile that only Soobin seems to cause as he tells the younger, "Kai's brother's boyfriend is on the way. He should be here soon."

Suddenly Soobin's wide-eyed gaze peers into his narrowed orbs, positively destroying whatever semblance of control Yeonjun had over his own heart rate, "What?"

Fuck, get it together, Choi.

"Someone's on the way. We need to get ready for the game. I, um," Yeonjun looks down at his hands as if to remind himself of what he had brought, "grabbed what I could. Let's clean you up."

Yeonjun does not think about how soft Soobin's skin is as he wipes around his mouth with one towel then under his eyes with another. He does not dare to focus on how squishy and adorable Soobin's cheeks get when swishing the water in his mouth. He does not give himself the satisfaction of picturing how Soobin's lips would feel on his own because it would be totally gross because Soobin had just thrown up.

And also because he is your captain.

Right and also because he was captain of the team that was about to compete and there was absolutely no time scheduled for Yeonjun to daydream about such outrageous things.

"Thank you," Soobin says after a third time of swishing water and wiping out his mouth. "For everything. Sorry you had to see this."

Yeonjun shakes his head gently, "Trust me, I can guarantee you that this was the prettiest breakdown I have ever witnessed."

The junior laughs again, seeming to find Yeonjun's heartful comment a riot, and oddly enough he was okay with that. "Let's get back out there before Taehyun murders someone," Soobin pushes himself onto his feet then stands fully, stretching.

"You noticed too huh?"

"Yeah," they exit the closet, ignoring the weird looks from people nearby, "he gets really serious whenever something goes out of plan. Sometimes he does things without realizing how rude they seem just because he's really into a routine."

"Well that explains why he snapped at Kai a few minutes ago."

Soobin frowns, eyebrows furrowing in concern, "Dammit. I knew I should've stayed."

"Nah, if you held in all of that frustration, we would've been disjointed on the court," Yeonjun quickly soothes the captain. "I think we all know that we're on edge."

"Why are they standing like that?"

Yeonjun turns his attention to his team, spotting them all frozen with their mouths open in a universal expression of shock. It makes the two rush to close the distance and demand from them, "What's wrong?"

Soundlessly, they all point to the referee table where some short guy with bleach blonde hair and a leather jacket that looks well worn and strikingly familiar (must be a popular brand, he concludes) He has his back to them and seems to be turning in a form that Yeonjun hopes is a roster. "Oh, so your brother's boyfriend made it? Great, looks like we'll be playing today after all," Yeonjun looks back to his dazed teammates.

"Okay, but why are you guys acting like you've just seen somebody famous or something?"

Kai is the first to speak, eyes blown wide, "Hyung, he's-"

"Alright, they said you're competing with Baekseok Arts University for the first round," Yeonjun has to force himself to blink as a voice he's heard far too many times to mistake announces to the group. "Ah, I see the rest of the team has made it. Hello, I'm Yoon-"

Yeonjun snaps around just in time to take in Yoongi's mildly startled expression, "Hyung?"

His older brother offers him a gummy smile, "I had a feeling you'd be here. Why didn't you tell me you'd met Hoseok's younger brother already?"

"What?"

"Kai," Yoongi says plainly. "Why didn't you tell me you knew Kai already? Hoseok's going to be so happy that-"

"Wait, what?" Yeonjun turns to Kai, struggling to process all the information. "You know Hoseok hyung?!"

Kai flushes, stammering, "I didn't know you were related to Yoonie hyungie either!"

"Yoonie?!" Yeonjun repeats incredulously. 

Soobin, Beomgyu, Taehyun and Jeongin all stare in blatant admiration of Yoongi's presence and before Yeonjun can utter another word, Soobin pushes his shoulders down for a bow. "Thank you so much. It is an honor to have you as our stand in captain," Soobin says appreciatively to the elder.

Yeonjun fights against his hold, trying to make sense of the whole situation as Yoongi hums, "Now, now, I'm just happy to help. You all can stand back up," they straighten back up instantly, "Coach Kim has told me great things about you so this is really just a pleasure for me."

Soobin blushes and Yeonjun has a mind to kick Yoongi in the shin for being the cause of it, "Oh, I'm nothing special sir."

"Surely you don't believe that. It's rare that a setter gets continuously recruited by the five rival schools in the nation at intramural tournaments, especially three years into their schooling."

Astonished, Yeonjun stares at the now pink captain who refuses to accept the praise, "I'm only as good as my team sir. I couldn't do anything without them."

"They wouldn't be anything without you."

Yeonjun scoffs before he can catch himself but, when Yoongi levels him with a glare, he closes his mouth. Soobin however acknowledges his outburst, "Yeonjun-ah is right. All I do is hold the practices. These guys work hard to be on the court and I make sure they stay."

"Either way, I'm glad that you guys are letting me sit in for today. If you need anything, advice or a timeout, anything at all, just let me know," Yoongi announces then holds eye contact with each of them for a few seconds, "and that goes for all of you."

A loud boom, followed by the grating sound of feedback, indicates the mic being turned on. "Good morning players and coaches, thank you for coming to the local Spring Nationals Tournament qualifiers. Now that everyone has checked in, lets have a quick chat," a balding middle aged man stands on top of a table to be seen by the entire congregation. "As you all know only eight teams from the line up of forty will continue onto the regional segment of competition. If you lose today, know that there is always next season. If you all press forward into regional segement, we hope you represent Seoul well. You all have trained for today so don't be intimidated. Leave everything you've got on the court alright? Recruiters, you are not allowed to approach any players that are on court, even if they are on the sidelines. You are welcome to stay until the end or leave a card with their coaches. Now that we've gotten that out the way, the pairings for the first round have already been distributed to your coaches and we wish you luck. You have 5 minutes until your game starts."

Yoongi then turns to the group, his cat-like eyes attracting all of their attention, "You will not lose today. Got it?"

Everyone hesitates to reply, none bold enough to dispute him outright but all thinking that they had very little chances of moving onto regionals today. Yeonjun experiences a pang in his chest, as if he was physically hurt himself by the news that the very people that motivated him to improve didn't even notice their own potential to be a threat on the court.

Yoongi takes a step closer, expression sincere and commanding, seeming to have somehow sensed the team's unaddressed early acceptance of defeat, "You all have worked far too hard for far too long to lose. You all will play for each other and yourselves. You will play as if this is the last game you will ever see, as if this is the world cup and the whole damn country is cheering for you to come home with the gold, got it?"

The words light a fire and Yeonjun can't help but feel pride at the fact that his older brother had the same fighting spirit he'd had from his past in playing volleyball competitively. This time, they echoed a resounding, "Yessir!"

"Hands in," Soobin calls out, that signature stupid (read: breath taking) grin on his face. Everyone obeys, even Yoongi, and Soobin places his on top, "We are the underdogs. Last year was," he pauses, harshly swallowing and Yeonjun subconsciously steps closer for support, something Beomgyu raises a brow at but Soobin smiles gratefully at, "a bust. But this year, we have a team that is light-years beyond what those other teams could dream of. On the court, nothing else matters but keeping the ball in play. Even when you get tired or mess up or get angry, just remember to keep the ball in play. Trust each other and yourselves. Most importantly don't leave today with any regrets. Now on the count of three, one, two," Yeonjun and Soobin lock eyes and Yeonjun becomes acutely aware of Soobin's hand on top of his, "three, fighting!"

"Fighting!" they scream back passionately, completely immersed in the moment, oblivious to the aggressive stares they receive from teams nearby.

When they break apart to approach the opposing team, Yeonjun realizes that he feels the need to promise the captain, "We will make it to regionals."

Soobin shifts towards him, clearly caught off guard by the remark, "Huh?"

"We're gonna make it to regionals this year. I know it."

His doe eyes crinkle at the corners, cheeks scrunching from a smile that Yeonjun only recalls seeing Kai receive, "I know too."

Yeonjun can't help but return a smile just as wide because he would tell Soobin that they would win every day if this is how he looked every time.

Chapter Text

Soobin feels himself hesitate and knows it’s a terrible set. The ball crashes into the net, the set far too low for Beomgyu to spike how he likes and the sound of the whistle only makes it worse. “Sorry,” he pants, “I’ll-”

“Next time, I’ll clear it!” Beomgyu says before Soobin can finish his statement, squatting down in position to receive the next ball.

It is only the second round, first set, and it is already off to a rocky start. Although they had a 30 minute break between games, the team had truly poured themselves into the previous round. They stole the first and second set, ending the match with 25 to 10. But Kai had gotten targeted for most of the second set, often fumbling and diving for receive after receive. No matter the formation, the opposing team always aimed for Kai, having noticed their dependance on him for blocking, and all his other members could do was hope that he’d keep receiving well enough for them to attack. His fatigue was starting to catch up to him now that they were evenly matched.

“Mine!” Jeongin shouts, launching himself up preemptively as per his usual playing style.

Soobin calls as he tosses the set back over his head, “All yours!”

The opposing team #11 and #8 jump in sync, but Jeongin taps the ball to his right at the last second. The move catches the team off guard and, before they can recuperate, Beomgyu slams a point. Kai lets out a joyful whoop while Taehyun says, “Good spike Gyu!” but Soobin and Yeonjun remain quiet.

It is a normal habit of Yeonjun to be quiet, even with Soobin’s constant threats to make him do suicides until his side split if he didn’t congratulate his teammates. However, this time Soobin didn’t bother with his usual teasing since he knew why he was quiet today.

They found out during the break between rounds that Yoongi didn’t register Yeonjun as a libero, something that Soobin hadn’t considered as an option when making formations. “With only six of you guys I figured you wouldn’t want to confine yourselves to any labels aside from captain,” Yoongi shrugged despite the burning hot glare of his brother on the side of his head.

“I’ve only played libero,” Yeonjun gritted out.

“Well, it’s your lucky day then,” Yoongi nonchalantly replied. 

“I think we have different definitions of luck.”

“Why don’t we just agree on mine then?”

Yeonjun gave a strained chuckle, “I’d rather not.”

“That’s not your decision to make.”

“Like hell it’s not-”

“Soobin,” Yoongi’s sharp feline eyes shifted over to the amused junior, “Do you have an issue with the roster?”

Soobin knew that the atmosphere was tense; he wouldn’t have dared to argue with Yeonjun about playing other positions any other time. But with Yoongi there and a good match under their belt, Soobin felt brave, “Not at all. I’ve been wanting to use Yeonjun for attack plays.” 

Yeonjun stayed silent. Yoongi dropped his smirk, eyebrows rising in shock at his brother’s closed mouth.

 Unsure of either reaction, Soobin rushed to explain, “Yeonjun has been working on his spiking for the past few weeks in practice. He’s the tallest spiker we have and he has incredible defense skills. If he cycled to the front row, who knows how anyone would react?”

Neither of the men responded. In fact a referee had found them and led them back into the gym to find their court in absolute silence, their cat like eyes trained on each other. Beomgyu had joined Soobin’s side, promising that they would continue to regionals and Soobin nodded numbly. The captain couldn’t tell if he just made the team stronger or broke it entirely.

The blaring sound of a whistle breaks into Soobin’s thoughts and he follows the rotation, now landing on the back row with Taehyun and Kai while Yeonjun, Jeongin and Beomgyu settle in the front. This is by far their weakest formation; Soobin has never coordinated plays involving Yeonjun on the attack line before. If Soobin had access to Felix or Hyunjin he would’ve subbed out Kai so he could catch his breath and pick up the slack that the front row may cause or sent in Wooyoung who had more experience to replace Yeonjun.

But he can’t.

Instead to soothe Kai’s (read: his own) nerves, he reaches over, rubbing Kai’s stomach how the younger often does whenever they hug, and teases, “Is the baby going to make it?”

It does the trick. Kai comes alive, grin lopsided and wide, “Hyungie, if you just wanted my attention you could’ve just asked for it. I can’t even blame you. Who could resist the king of seduction that is Huening Kai?”

Taehyun is quick to answer, eyes trained on the team ahead, “Every girl in a 50 mile radius apparently.”

Soobin bites his bottom lip to keep a laugh in, feeling his own anxieties melt away as the two bicker playfully between each other. He steps out of bounds, accepting the volleyball from the referee and surveying his options.

He could target #7 on their team since he is obviously new to volleyball, too gangly to properly chase and receive a ball but tall enough to create an iron wall for blocking if they needed to. #9 is the captain, but he plays with himself mostly, only speaking to the team when a mistake is made which means they’d focus too much on helping him from fear of messing up. #1 is short, but quick and he’s staring at Yeonjun like he wants to eat him or something and for some odd reason Soobin decides to aim directly for him.

He bounces the ball twice then tosses it up, body taking on perfect form as he directs the serve to #1. He catches the male off guard, breaking the staring match taking place between him and Yeonjun and can’t help but smirk as he scores a service ace. (“Nice serve Soobinnie hyung!!” Kai cheers happily beside him.) Soobin switches to targeting #8 who is directly behind #1 and serves with a bit less power, hoping to fake them out. It works, but another team member manages to dive for the ball and return it over the net. 

“Got it!” Jeongin calls, easily receiving the ball and guiding it to Beomgyu. 

Soobin had been training Beomgyu extensively to set, spending nearly an hour or more of practice on passing the ball to him and pairing him with the other spikers to build trust between them. However, with Taehyun on the back row and Jeongin already having the first touch of the rally, Beomgyu was left with the only person he had minimal training with.

“Jun-hyung,” Beomgyu announces as a warning, “All yours.”

Soobin blinks and suddenly there’s a whistle.

“Great spike hyung!” Taehyun says and the rest of the team echoes while Soobin can only stand in awe. 

Yeonjun doesn’t reply to the praise, just rotates into middle block position and squats down in preparation. Beomgyu joins Soobin on the back row while Taehyun switches to the front, mouth in a loose ‘o’ to mirror Soobin’s expression, “Holy shit.”

“Language,” the captain replies half heartedly. 

“Did you see that?”

“How could I!? He was so fast-”

The shrill sound of the referee’s whistle reminds the two of the game at hand and Beomgyu steps back to serve. 

The rest of the match is intense. Yeonjun earns five service aces on his serve, Kai blocks out the majority of the opposing team’s pipeline attacks and Taehyun makes a show of his fake outs, passing the ball to Beomgyu who scores a point nearly every time. They sweep the first set easily and go to switch courts, picking up their things and moving down the row with Yoongi.

Jeongin mentions as they shift their belongings back into the chairs, “Yeonjun hyung, how long have you been hiding that insane spike?”

“Yeah, how long?” Kai adds on, long arms wrapping around the elder’s neck in a loose hug. “We coulda used that last game!”

Before Yeonjun can reply, Yoongi interjects, “What were you thinking?”

Surprised, the rest of the team freezes as Yeonjun answers curtly, “I need to land a point.”

“No,” Yoongi almost growls, narrowed eyes glaring at his younger brother, “You were thinking, ‘Why the hell is this guy looking at me?’”

“Okay and?”

“So you aimed in his area every time.”

Soobin realizes that Yeonjun had landed most of his points close to #1 of the opposing team. He'd thought nothing of it during the match itself, but now he remembered just how close some of the spikes and serves had gotten to the player. 

“So what?” Yeonjun asks, voice slightly wavering as he shrugs Kai off his shoulders harshly.

The freshman gives the elder space, expression obviously hurt by the dismissal, and Soobin's heart aches. Taehyun wraps a comforting arm around Kai's waist and guides him further back, studying the brothers' intently. Jeongin and Beomgyu share a look of unease, similar to the way Soobin had seen between the team the first day he'd spoken to Yeonjun. The same look that Jin hyung had when he asked Soobin if he could handle Yeonjun.

Yoongi steps closer, pointing a finger at the other’s chest, “So he could’ve caught on to your playing style and stole all of your points. We could’ve lost this set because of that.”

Yoongi is right, Soobin's logical side concludes. Yeonjun could've ruined your chances to get to finals.

And yet Soobin's emotional side counters, But didn't I do the same thing? When I saw the guy staring at Yeonjun, I just... I aimed directly at him. He could've realized the same thing and then it would have been my fault-

“But he didn’t," Yeonjun replies.

Yoongi sighs, exasperated, “Yeonjun-”

“He couldn’t have done anything regardless of if he caught on or not,” Yeonjun cuts him off, shoving his brother's finger off of his chest. "You saw how shit he was yourself."

"Okay, you two," Soobin begins, not wanting to step between siblings but knowing that he couldn't afford for Yeonjun to reach his limit.

Yoongi scoffs in disbelief, “I thought we fixed this shit when you got ben-”

“Don’t you dare,” Yeonjun raises his gaze defiantly. “Don’t you fucking-”

Soobin intervenes, hand extending between the two brothers and landing on Yeonjun’s chest, “That’s enough Yeonjun. We still have a match to win.” He presses just enough to make sure Yeonjun gets the message to step back then continues, “If you let your anger get to you, then we will lose. So just breathe.”

The tense atmosphere spikes as the two males glare at each other. Yoongi then says to Yeonjun, "What are you trying to prove?"

Yeonjun answers quick, "Nothing."

"Who is it then?" his older brother's tone is softer, his eyes no longer squinting in accusation.

The question seems to take all of the fight out of Yeonjun. He shrinks inward, but doesn't drop his eyes, "Don't worry about it."

They hold the look and once Yoongi seems satisfied, he turns to Soobin and does a small bow, "I apologize for overstepping my boundaries as a sit in coach. I hope you can forgive me."

Surprised by the sudden remark, Soobin stalls momentarily before returning an even deeper bow, "Of course Yoongi-ssi. You caught something I did not and I appreciate it." His attention returns to Yeonjun when he feels the other's chest rise and fall with his deep breaths and he asks, "Are you calm?"

Yeonjun nods, fox-like eyes darting to Soobin with such intensity that Soobin struggles to hold the eye contact.

“You don’t have to do this alone. We are a team for a reason. We’ll wipe the floor with these guys,” the captain reminds Yeonjun quietly.

A whistle forces everyone back onto the court, but Yeonjun wraps a hand around Soobin’s wrist as he pulls away, whispering, “I still promise to win.”

Soobin forces himself to keep a straight face and nods, “You better.”

He pretends not to notice Beomgyu's intense expression or Kai's worried eyes as he squats down, preparing for the first serve.

They just don't get you... And that's okay.

Because I do.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun regrets ever trusting Yoongi with anything about his love life.

“My baby is growing up!” Hoseok whines dramatically, mouth stuffed full with rice and bulgogi. 

Yoongi chuckles beside him, wiping the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth with a napkin, “He’s been grown for a while babe.”

“But not like this,” Hoseok insists as he swats away Yoongi’s hand. “So who is it? Spit it out! Tell hyungie who’s got you so distracted!”

Yeonjun pretends to not hear him, opting to chew on another stack of rice and meat. 

“It’s the captain, I’m pretty sure,” Yoongi explains much to Yeonjun’s dismay. “You should've seen him. He was all puffed up and the moment the guy put a hand on his chest,” Yoongi imitates the action on himself then snaps, “He turned into mush.”

“I did not,” Yeonjun scoffs indignantly, cheeks heating red at the way his heart had felt like it was bursting out of his chest from the contact of Soobin’s hand alone.

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Did too,” Yoongi childishly sticks out his tongue causing Hoseok to give him a fond look.

Yeonjun makes a show of his gagging from both of their expressions, “Did not!”

“Did too!”

“I did-”

Hoseok interrupts their sibling squabble to ask again, taking another bite of his meal, “What’s his name?”

“I don’t even-”

“Soobin,” Yoongi cheekily grins. “His name is Soobin.”

“Soobin!” Hoseok almost yells, little pieces of rice flying back onto his plate from his chopsticks. “Awe, Ningning loves Soobin! He talks about him all the time.”

“Ningning?” Yeonjun’s nose wrinkles. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, my little brother. Don’t tell me you already forgot about him.”

“Kai is Ningning?” Yeonjun repeats, still unable to connect the gangly freshman to his beloved hyung.

Hoseok had explained earlier in the evening that since Kai lived on campus they weren’t around each other often. Yoongi and Hoseok had actually planned on taking a “family” trip to Jeju in the summer so that the two could meet. 

“Yes, but don’t tell him I told you.”

Yeonjun smirks to himself, taking a sip of his soda, “Right, of course.”

“Sooo, when are you gonna ask him out?”

Yeonjun chokes on his drink, wheezing, “What?”

“When are you gonna ask Soobin out?” Hoseok repeats innocently. “If it’s as obvious as Yoon’s saying then he is probably wondering when you’ll do it too.”

Yeonjun continues to sputter, “I didn’t even say I liked him-”

“Actions speak louder than words,” Yoongi says simply, earning a grin from Hoseok. “I would know.”

Yeonjun stops replying to catch his breath and dislodge whatever liquid he’d inhaled in surprise. That doesn’t stop Hoseok from turning to Yoongi, “What do you think about him?” 

“I like him so far.”

“That’s because he invited you back to be our full time coach,” Yeonjun bitterly snaps, remembering just how pink the captain had gotten when talking to Yoongi one on one.

Yoongi’s mouth quirks to one side, “Jealous?”

“No,” Yeonjun says far too quickly.

Hoseok speaks, softer this time, putting down his chopsticks, “It’s okay to say you’re nervous Jun-ah.”

“I’m not,” Yeonjun insists, feeling oddly exposed. 

Hoseok just shakes his head, “Why are you so stubborn?”

Yoongi also places down his chopsticks, focusing his attention on his brother across from him, “You know it's normal to like people right? I mean you’re in college; this is the time to explore your feelings and options out there. Soobin is a better choice than most.”

Yeonjun knew that.

But that didn’t make confronting his feelings any easier.

He knew he was screwed after the first time that he’d caught Soobin singing in the locker room and the captain turned his signature peachy pink, tugging on his clothes quicker, mumbling an apology. Yeonjun wasn’t sure what to say so he just said whatever came to his brain first, “You sound good. You should sing more.” And the moment Soobin’s chocolate doe eyes peered into his, alight with shock and delight, Yeonjun decided that he didn’t hate the way his heart kicked into high gear. He also decided that he didn’t mind the surge of giddiness he got from every little exchange of contact. He quickly realized that all these decisions added up to him falling hard and fast for the goofy, stupidly attractive captain. And the tournament lit those feelings on fire for good.

However there was no way in hell he would say any of that out loud. “I don’t even know if he’s gay... And besides if he is,” Yeonjun says after a long pause, “He probably has a boyfriend.”

“There’s no way to know without asking,” Hoseok states matter of factly.

“What if I make everything awkward between us?”

Yoongi shrugs, “You’re only playing with them this semester right? If it’s super awkward, just remember that you’ll be done soon. Fuck him-”

“-What if it isn’t though?” Hoseok interjects, cutting a side eye at his boyfriend. “What if he says yes?”

Yeonjun hadn’t thought that far so instead he says, “He’s probably scared of me.” He frowns at the memory of Soobin’s angry squint, his hand pressing against Yeonjun’s chest, his curt tone when he and Yoongi had begun arguing. “Or thinks that I’m too much trouble to begin with.”

Yoongi sets his brows into a frown, “Like I said fuck him-”

Hoseok waves his hand dismissively, “-What’s the point of wallowing in ‘ifs’? The only person who can actually answer these questions is Soobin himself.”

“I don’t know where to take him.”

“What does he like?”

“Um,” despite being uncomfortable with the topic, Yeonjun attempts to answer, “Eating... Videogames... Staying at home.”

Yoongi picks up his chopsticks again, glancing down at his plate as he suggests, “You could invite him over one night. I can chill at Hoseok’s and come back whenever he leaves.”

“You mean,” Yeonjun carefully speaks, his typically narrowed gaze skewed wide at the offer, “we’d be here? Like alone? All evening?”

Hoseok stifles a giggle at Yoongi’s cocked eyebrow as the older male clarifies, “Not if you keep acting like that.”

“No, no,” Yeonjun can feel himself flushing, “I meant like I don’t think I can keep him entertained alone like we’ve never been alone with just us two alone and like no one else near us because we’re alone-”

“Aweee Jun-ahhhhhh, do you wanna have a double date with your hyungs?” Hoseok coos, rubbing shoulders with Yoongi. “We wouldn’t mind it!” 

Yeonjun groans, burying his face in his hands, “He’ll think I’m such a loser if I have a dinner date with my middle aged brother and his boyfriend.”

“Well he wouldn’t be wrong,” Yoongi teases playfully, a gummy smile on display.

“Not helping,” Yeonjun pouts behind his hands.

Hoseok slaps Yoongi’s shoulder harshly, earning a yelp from the elder before tentatively stating, “You could ask him out then let him pick the place y’know? That way you know for sure that he’s satisfied.”

There’s a brief moment of quiet then Yeonjun peeks from behind his hand, “Will you help me hyung?”

Hoseok masks his surprise with a nod, absently wondering what makes Soobin special enough for Yeonjun to ask for his assistance, “Of course. Eat up though, I don’t want you passing out.” 

They finish eating dinner then transfer into the living room, leaving Yoongi to wash the dishes in the kitchen in peace. Yeonjun pulls out his phone and thumbs at the display until Soobin’s contact shows. He stares at the number for a lengthy period of time then glances to Hoseok to find him already staring back and nodding back at the device. He clicks the call button before he can chicken out.

It rings three times then Soobin picks up, voice crackling through the speaker, "Hello? Yeonjun? Is everything okay?"

Yeonjun lets out a long slow breath, trying to disperse his nerves from clouding his brain.

"Yeonjun? Are you okay?" The sound of something falling accompanied by a curse comes from Soobin's side. 

"I-I'm fine! W-what was that?" Yeonjun face palms after his stuttering fit but Hoseok pulls his hand down, firmly shaking his head while mouthing ‘Calm down, you’re just talking.’

"I, fuck, I dropped my dinner," Soobin says, sounding further from the phone. "Sorry, give me a sec." Yeonjun takes advantage of the small break to gather up every piece of courage he could find inside himself. "’Kay I'm back."

"Right, uhm, you aren't busy are you?"

There's some shuffling and then Soobin sounds closer again, "No. Just been at home all day. You aren't still thinking about that last play, are you? I told you that there was no way to get a service ace that late in the game anyways."

Yeonjun goes warm at the realization that Soobin remembered how frustrated he was from the last round in the tournament on Saturday, "Oh, no. I just wanted to call to-" he panics last second and mutes the call, "I can't do this!"

Hoseok rolls his eyes, pushing Yeonjun’s hand away from his phone, “Yes you can.”

“No-”

Soobin raises his voice, “Yeonjun? Hello, I think my phone disconnected... Hello?”

“He wants to talk to you Jun-ah. Just talk,” Hoseok tries to soothe the anxious junior. “Don’t worry about how to talk to him; he’s still the same guy you’ve been playing with all semester. Just talk like usual.”

Yeonjun doesn’t fight when Hoseok unmutes the phone. Instead he says, “Hey, sorry, I think the call dropped or something. Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can. So what’s up?”

“Um,” Yeonjun closes his eyes, imagining the lanky male in front of him, small pink lips pursued together unknowingly as he listens, “Do you have any plans next week?”

“I mean practice and classes, but those don’t really count,” Soobin chuckles to himself and Yeonjun’s heart flutter kicks.

“Right, well, how about,” Yeonjun takes another deep breath and opens his eyes to stare down at the phone, “I take you out?”

There’s a long pause and then an outburst of Soobin’s squeaky laughter, “Okay, who put you up to this? Was it Taehyun? No, no, it was Kai wasn’t it?”

Yeonjun shifts in his position on the couch, glancing at Hoseok who holds a small frown, “No one... No one put me up to anything.” 

Soobin doesn’t respond. Hoseok nods, gesturing him to continue with his hands despite his face reading otherwise.

“I’m asking you out. On a date.”

The silence seems to stretch on for an entirety. 

“You don’t have to give me an answer now. If,” Yeonjun swallows the lump in his throat, “If you need more time-”

“What day?”

“What?” Yeonjun says before he can catch himself.

“What day? So I can make sure not to plan anything.”

“Uh, um, uhm,” Yeonjun turns to Hoseok who starts to mouth questions for Yeonjun to copy, “What days are you free?”

“Tuesday and Thursday.”

Hoseok then points at Yeonjun, mouthing, “What’s the best day for you?”

Yeonjun replies instantly, “Tuesday. Tuesday then.”

“Where are we going?”

Yeonjun can feel his heartbeat in his mouth, “Wherever you want.”

Soobin suggests as soon as Yeonjun finishes speaking, “Show me where you like to get your favorite sweets.”

Yeonjun nods then, remembering Soobin couldn’t see him, agrees, “Okay. I’ll pick you up.”

“I’ll send you my address.”

“Great.”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Yep.”

“... Well I’ll let you go back to... Uhm whatever you were doing... Yeah.”

Soobin giggles, something soft and angelic, “Good night Yeonjunnie. See you at practice tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Soobin-ah. Looking forward to it.”

Chapter Text

Soobin tries his absolute best not to implode when Yeonjun opens the passenger door, slipping into his seat with a small, “Thank you.”

Yeonjun closes his door for him then circles around the front of the car, settling into the drivers side. He is wearing a simple white v neck, tan cardigan and jeans, an outfit combination that Soobin has had the pleasure of viewing multiple times before, but this time, his hair is parted on the left side, making his bangs fall a bit longer over his eye when they're swept to the side. It radiates ‘I’m a snack’ energy and Soobin can’t get enough. He watches as Yeonjun cranks the car and glides out of the parking garage, “How are you?”

Soobin has had a long day. He had two quizzes in his sociology class, an oral presentation in his anthropology class and the most draining group debate in his Korean literature class. He has a midterm in his dumb biology lab tomorrow that he desperately needs to study for. But he made it through the day by reminding himself that Yeonjun, the Choi Yeonjun, had asked him out. So he just smiles, admiring his date for the evening, “Just a little tired. What about you?”

Soobin didn't know that driving could make someone 100x more attractive until he watches Yeonjun do a one handed turn at the light, “I’m good. I hope you’re hungry though.”

“Trust me, I’m always hungry.”

Yeonjun laughs, loud and carefree, “Me too.” At the next red light, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and plugs it into the aux of his car then passes it to Soobin, “You’re the DJ for tonight.”

Soobin stares giddily at the search bar in Spotify, “Any preferences?”

“No-”

“Great because I wasn’t planning on taking any,” Soobin grins cheekily, taking the phone out of his date’s hand. 

The rest of the ride consists of Soobin playing emotional breakup songs, full blast, the two of them belting out verses and miming the lyrics together. Yeonjun sometimes slams the horn in a fit of passion and Soobin bursts into a fit of giggles, quickly telling him to stop being a complete idiot. For one or two songs, Yeonjun just listens to Soobin sing alone with a lopsided smile on his face.

Eventually Yeonjun pulls into a packed parking lot, finds a parking spot and turns off the car. “This place hasn’t changed at all,” he remarks, staring at the storefront lined street across from them.

“Where are we?” Soobin unbuckles his seat belt, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. 

Yeonjun opens his door, “Bundang-gu, Seongnam City. It’s where I grew up.” He gets out of the car, closing his door then rushing to Soobin’s side to open his, “They have all the best food in this area.”

Soobin asks as he climbs out, “Did you come to this place often as a kid?”

Yeonjun nods, locking the car and leading them to the line of restaurant storefronts, “My dad would bring me here whenever Yoongi hyung won a match in high school and he was in a good mood. He would let us pick whatever we wanted.” He tilts his head towards Soobin, a small smirk on his face, “Now it's your turn.”

The cafe is cute, walls plastered with kpop idol posters, pretty pastels and customer polaroids. The seating consists of cozy looking couches covered with pillows and blankets as well as a cluster of stand up tables. There are a few people mulling around inside, some on their laptops while others are conversing over plates of desserts. There’s a glass case displaying rows of desserts and a bright menu hanging above it. On the wall just behind it, there are pictures plastered of what Soobin assumes to be family with love written beneath them. An older Korean woman with greying hair pulled into a taunt bun smiles warmly at the boys from behind the counter, “Yeonjun! Wah, you’ve gotten so skinny. Come here, let me see you up close.”

“I missed you,” Yeonjun greets the woman back, closing the distance between the three. He allows her to pinch his cheeks and fuss over his outfit before reaching behind him to bring Soobin closer to the counter, “This is Soobin; he plays on the volleyball team with me.”

Soobin bows politely, saying hello, and the older woman scans him with eagle eyes, flitting her attention to Yeonjun again, “Soobin, eh? Nice kid. How’s Yoongi-yah? Has he been eating?”

“He’s at home right now. He’s probably getting ready for the dinner rush,” Yeonjun answers, eyes warm in a way that Soobin had never seen. “He’s eating well. You set him straight the last time you called.”

“You’re the one I should be setting straight,” She huffs, pinching at his shirt. “You look like I could blow you away.”

Yeonjun smiles, reaching over the counter to hug the older woman tightly, “I’m okay, halmeoni. I promise.”

Soobin suddenly sees the striking resemblance, the way their eye shapes mirror each other, the slope of their noses, even their similar side profiles. He glances at the collage of photos behind her and sure enough finds a picture of Yeonjun in his uniform on the wall beside the customer photos. Yoongi is also on display beside him, both smiling wide, narrow eyes crinkled in happiness. A handful of baby photos adorn the wall and Soobin tries to commit them to memory.

“Mhmm,” his grandmother says disapprovingly. “You’re gonna take some home okay? No fighting me.”

Yeonjun pulls back, chuckling, “Yes ma’am.” He then turns to Soobin and gestures to the case, “Pick whatever you want. It’s on me.”

Soobin doesn’t miss how Yeonjun’s grandmother cuts her eyes to him, sizing him up. He tries to stay calm under her watchful gaze, taking his time to review his options before choosing, “I’ll take a bungeoppang.”

Yeonjun raises a brow, “Anything else?”

“That’s all.”

“You said you were hungry earlier,” Yeonjun insists gently. “Would you prefer an actual meal instead? We don’t have to eat here.”

“No, I,” Soobin feels blood go straight to his cheeks and he curses his pale complexion, “I like it here.”

Yeonjun doesn’t seem very convinced, but he doesn’t push it. He just tells his grandmother, “Can I please get two bungeoppangs and manjus? Oh, and a hottek for Yoongi hyung.”

She nods, slipping a glove on her hand and grabbing a small box. She fills up the box with their requests -“Is he still seeing that Jeong boy?” Yeonjun nods and she grabs one extra hottek- then moves on to pack another box, filling it with a variety of the waffles Soobin had been eyeing in the meantime. 

“Oh, ma’am, you don’t have to do that,” Soobin shakes his head at the action. “I was just looking at how pretty they were.”

She places them in a bag and hands it over the counter, ignoring Soobin’s attempts to stop her, “Eat up you two.”

“Halmeoni,” Yeonjun says in a near whine. “How much is all this?”

“I don’t know. Give me a kiss before you go,” she turns her cheek towards him.

Yeonjun sighs, digging into his pocket for his wallet and removing crumpled bills, “Yes ma’am.” He leans over the counter again to press the kiss on her cheek gently then reaches into the front pocket of her apron. “I’ll come back soon. Please take this. I love you.”

She makes something of a grunt then points at Soobin, “Keep an eye on him for me, will you?”

“Of course,” Soobin bows deeply, hands pressed to his sides.

They leave the small shop and head to Yeonjun’s car. “Are you cold?” he asks, unlocking the doors and opening the passenger side.

“No. It feels nice out,” despite being close to winter, the days have been nice enough to get by with a thick sweater and jeans, the exact outfit Soobin had on now.

“I think so too,” Yeonjun closes his door then gets into the drivers’ side, placing the bag on Soobin’s lap for safekeeping. He fastens his seat belt, cranks up the car and begins winding through the quiet neighborhoods, “Sorry about my grandmother by the way.”

Soobin plays with the handles of the bag, watching Yeonjun’s hands on the wheel, “Why are you sorry?”

“She can be a bit intense.”

“She just cares about her grandson. It’s cute,” Soobin says. “You have the same eyes y’know?”

“I get that a lot. Whenever people saw us together, they thought she was my mom,” Yeonjun chuckles at the memory. “Do you look like anyone in your family?”

“My mom,” Soobin answers almost instantly, “When I was a kid, everyone in my grade knew who my mom was because I was a carbon copy of her. It used to drive me insane.”

“So she’s the one to blame for how handsome you are,” Yeonjun replies smoothly. “You’ll have to show me a picture of her some time.”

Soobin doesn’t have to see his reflection to know he’s turning pink, “Ha ha so funny.”

“Who said I was joking?” Yeonjun's little smirk lets Soobin know that Yeonjun is aware of the power of his words.

Soobin mumbles, embarrassed, “Shut up and drive loser.”

He stabs the radio button and turns up a random station to drown out Yeonjun’s infectious laughter. They drive for another ten or so minutes before stopping in front of a small park.

“I packed some blankets and drinks. I thought we could have a nice picnic,” Yeonjun reaches into the backseat and moves the pale blue picnic basket onto his lap. “If you don’t mind sitting outside.”

Soobin turns into goo, feeling like the literal embodiment of the heart eyes emoji, “I would love to.”

The rest of the evening passes by at lightning speed. They eat their pastries happily, exchanging stories and laughs until the sky turns dark and the park empties out. 

“You’re telling me,” Yeonjun turns back to his date, smug expression on full display, “that the same Soobin who cried when he broke the tip of his pencil in kindergarten-”

“-How was I supposed to know that you could sharpen it again?-”

“-is the same one who fought a guy that stood you up on a date at a party freshman year?”

Soobin pouts, “Well, someone had to show him how much of an asshole he was! So I did! Without anyone else’s help too!”

“Not even Beomgyu’s?”

“Nope.”

Yeonjun tilts back his head to take in the stars, “There’s no way in hell you did that.”

“Says who?” Soobin demands, childishly crossing his arms and looking away, chin held high. 

“Me.”

“You weren’t even there!”

The first quiet spell of the night falls over the two as Soobin pretends to be annoyed by Yeonjun’s teasing. He attempts to keep up the act, however he is surprised when he hears shifting and feels two hands cup his cheeks, forcing him to look at the elder. “You’re right,” Yeonjun traps him in, vision narrowing to a pinprick, “Because if I was with you, I would’ve taken care of it.”

Soobin shivers involuntarily, and knows that Yeonjun feels it when his heavy lidded gaze closes further.

“Now that I’m here, you’ll never have to fight again,” Yeonjun whispers, thumbs gently stroking Soobin’s face. “I promise.”

They stay still, breathing in each other’s scents, Yeonjun straddling Soobin’s legs, Soobin’s hands gripping and releasing the blanket beneath their bodies as they stare brazeningly at the other. It feels like a movie, and Soobin hopes to every single deity that is willing to listen that his heartbeat isn’t loud enough for his date to hear, when he leans to close the space between the two. Their lips meet in the middle, the contact accelerating and electrifying. Yeonjun’s lips are full, soft, and moist, rendering Soobin defenseless as the kiss intensifies and tongue gets involved. Soobin is submissive for the first time in their relationship and he drinks it in, letting himself get lost in Yeonjun’s steady pace, grounding touch and comforting scent.

Yeonjun pulls back first, panting softly, his lips puffy and bright pink. When their eyes link, Soobin whispers what he had been thinking all night, “Now that I’m here, you’ll never be alone.”

Chapter Text

“Babe!” Soobin’s voice comes faintly into the kitchen and Yeonjun perks up. “I can hear my phone ringing! Can you check who it is?”

Yeonjun shouts back through a mouth of cereal, “Yeah!” He jumps off the counter he had perched on to eat his pre-bedtime snack, heading out of the kitchen into the connecting hallway. He walks towards the bedroom where he finds the phone in the pocket of Soobin’s jeans he had worn earlier today beside the bed. “It says Daewon!”

Soobin groans through the barrier of the door, “I sent him my part of the project last night! Text him and ask him what he wants!”

Yeonjun unlocks Soobin’s phone, shooting over to the guy’s contact and texting the question Soobin asked him to, “It’s sent!”

“Thanks babe, let me know what he says!”

It is a typical Saturday night for the new couple. A blissful oasis from the rough week of classes, exams, practice and competitions. This is a particularly irritating week since Christmas break was only one week away and finals were coming in full force. But Soobin insisted that they deserved a break so Yeonjun came over after working the lunch shift for Yoongi to find that his boyfriend had gone all out for their traditional movie night. His favorite snacks were spread across the coffee table, the couch piled high with extra blankets and comforters and Yeonjun’s favorite genre of movies on cue for the evening. It had been unexpected and sweet but that was just how dating a hopeless romantic like Soobin worked.

Yeonjun decides to take the phone back to the kitchen with him. He climbs onto the counter again, setting the bowl into his lap. He stares at the screen disinterestedly, waiting for the guy to reply when he spots a notification that catches his eye. It’s a message from some guy who’s name is “. ” that reads, [ Beomgyu told me you did not meet with Lee Dongsung last week. You mind telling me who had your attention instead? ] 

Yeonjun’s thumb moves automatically, not even consulting his brain before clicking the notification and opening the chat. He glances up as soon as he does, straining his ears to check if the shower is still running.

It is.

Yeonjun returns his attention to the chat, reading the most recent interaction before the last text.

[ How are classes?

Good.

Beomgyu told me you were busy with presentations this week.

I’m assuming you’ll be free soon.

Maybe.

Your mother says she barely remembers what you look like, it’s been so long since you’ve come to visit.

Oh.

Is there anything else that preoccupies your time?

Studying.

You expect me to believe that? ]

Yeonjun almost jumps out of his skin when the phone vibrates in his hand. Daewon explained that Soobin forgot to add a works cited page to his presentation and that he needed all the links Soobin had quoted. He debates whether or not he should tell Soobin now, but ultimately chooses to tell him whenever he gets out of the shower. He keeps reading, scrolling up to find the start of another conversation.

[ Come visit next week.

I can’t. I have a midterm to study for.

Beomgyu is coming.

That’s nice.

He comes twice a month to visit his parents.

I noticed.

We haven’t seen you since the last chair meeting.

Oh.

Soobin, you’re hurting your mother very deeply.

I’m not doing anything.

I already know. Keep slacking off and I’ll cut your spending allowance.

I have to go study. Good night. ]

Yeonjun frowns, so immersed in the chat that he doesn’t even register that the water has shut off.

[ Why did you humiliate me like that?

You needed to be reminded of the privilege you have from just being my son.

So you call me out in the middle of a
finance meeting about our foreign investment portfolio to remind me?

It keeps you accountable.

Is that what you think you’re doing?

I do not have to answer childish questions.

Neither should I. ]

“Junie?” Soobin calls from down the hall and this time Yeonjun does jump out of his skin, launching off the counter without a single thought. 

His cereal bowl hits the ground, breaking into large chunks of ceramic, spilling milk and Cocoa Puffs all across the shiny hardwood and bottom cabinets. Yeonjun curses loudly as his socks get soaked and he places the phone down on the counter to get his bearings. 

“Junie!” Soobin exclaims as he sprints into the kitchen, towel that was drying his head suddenly on the ground. “Are you okay? Wait, stay still.”

Despite Soobin’s command, Yeonjun starts picking up the bigger pieces of the broken bowl while Soobin rushes to the small pantry, removing his broom and dustpan. Much to Soobin’s dismay Yeonjun steps over the puddle to dump the ceramic into the trash. Soobin sweeps up the leftover bits and then throws his towel on top to soak up some of the liquid. Meanwhile Yeonjun apologizes, peeling off his socks with a disgusted expression on his face.

“I don’t care about the bowl,” Soobin snaps, dumping the contents of his dustpan in the trash then marching over to his boyfriend. “Let me see your hands. You didn’t cut yourself, did you?”

Yeonjun lets Soobin fuss over his hands, knowing that if he didn’t, it would only rile the protective male more, “‘m fine baby. I promise.”

“Mhm,” Soobin replies unconvinced then pulls at Yeonjun’s semi wet shirt. “Go ahead and take your shower; I’ll finish cleaning up.”

“No-”

“I didn’t ask,” Soobin pecks Yeonjun’s lips and, despite the short span of skinship, Yeonjun smiles sheepishly. “Now go.”

Yeonjun walks to the bedroom, still smiling like an idiot, and quickly grabs a random t-shirt and a pair of sweats that he wears every weekend he comes over from his boyfriend’s closet. He hops in the shower where he’s sure to use all of the soaps and shampoos that make him smell like Soobin’s aura of mint and coconut. It isn’t until he turns off the shower that he realizes that he forgot to grab a towel and he calls out, “Binie!”

There’s a delay in response but eventually a “Yes?” comes.

“Can you get me a towel?” Yeonjun peeks his head from behind the shower curtain to squint at the door.

Another delay and then the door cracks revealing Soobin holding an extra bath towel.

“Thank you,” Yeonjun makes grabby hands for it and Soobin closes the distance to hand it to him. 

Yeonjun awaits the usual kiss that Soobin sneaks whenever Yeonjun forgets something in the bathroom, but it doesn’t come and that’s when Yeonjun knows something is wrong. Soobin releases the towel and steps back out, closing the door after him. Yeonjun rushes to dry off and redress, aggressively scrubbing his hair so that it doesn’t wind up dripping down his neck all night. He yanks open the door to find Soobin sitting on the edge of the bed, phone screen on beside him, and Yeonjun’s heart drops to his stomach.

“I can explain,” Yeonjun says once they make eye contact and he can see the war in Soobin’s chocolate hues.

Soobin simply leans back onto the bed, hands settling behind him, “Go ahead.”

“Uhm,” Yeonjun realizes that he has no clue what he is explaining. “Daewon said-”

“I know what Daewon said. I read it. You seem to have also been reading something.”

Yeonjun winces from the insinuation, “I was just waiting for Daewon to text back and... Well I thought it was...Somebody that didn’t know about me and I just thought...”

Before Soobin, Yeonjun had never cared about relationship statuses or social media. He rarely used it himself. But as soon as he found out that Soobin had been posting their dates and random nights, he felt warm. He felt as if Soobin was proud to show him off and to think that someone hadn’t been aware of Yeonjun’s existence as Soobin’s boyfriend had hurt.

Granted it has only been two months. 

But they were close to Christmas break. Soobin had to go home and that meant that Yeonjun wouldn’t be around him 24/7 anymore. Which meant he was fair game to anyone who didn’t know that Yeonjun and Soobin were dating. So it only made sense that Yeonjun felt a bit insecure.

“Thought what?” Soobin presses, small lips forming a taut line.

Yeonjun knows it's pathetic, but he’s been attempting to put his emotions into words after a fight the two had a month prior about not communicating enough, “I thought someone else was trying to date you.”

“You thought I was cheating?” Soobin’s voice lifts at the end of the sentence out of disbelief. “Seriously?”

“N-no!” Yeonjun is quick to insist. “I just-”

“You just thought that I was supposed to meet with this guy and go on a date and that someone randomly was upset about it?”

Yeonjun stays quiet.

“Is that what you thought?”

Yeonjun glances away from his boyfriend who is now sitting up straight, awaiting his reply, “N-no. That's... Not it.”

“You’re lying.”

Yeonjun groans, “I didn’t think you were cheating. I thought someone was trying to make you cheat.”

“What?” Soobin asks, eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “That doesn’t even make sense Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun pauses when he hears Soobin use his full name then growls, “Well you’re not offering any explanation, are you, Soobin?”

Soobin scoffs, looking at the carpet with an angry frown.

“Who is that?” Yeonjun asks when it’s obvious that Soobin doesn’t plan on speaking further.

“No one important.”

“Then who?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because you’re obviously upset about this.”

“So are you.”

“Just tell me who they are. And who Lee What’s-His-Name is. And why you two were supposed to meet.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

Yeonjun has to double take, thumb turning to point at his chest dramatically, “Me? You think I’m the one blowing things out of proportion?”

“Yes. They don’t deserve the attention you’re giving them.”

“Why don’t they know about me?” Yeonjun steps closer to the bed, demanding angrily.

“Why do you care?!” Soobin rises to his feet, standing a few inches above Yeonjun in the process. “Why do you fucking care about what other people think!?”

Yeonjun freezes, his own anger completely smothered by Soobin’s nearly palpable frustration. His boyfriend has never raised his voice at him, not even when they got into petty arguments about dates, communication, aggression or anything. Even when Yeonjun would purposely try to annoy him. Even when Kai and Yeonjun would pair together to tease him. Even when he believed he deserved it. 

But now here they were, Soobin still shouting, “You’re Choi Yeonjun! You’re not supposed to give a damn about what people think or say! So why are you asking about these people?! Fuck them!”

Yeonjun blinks, slow and wide eyed.

“You want to know?! Fine! It’s my dad! He owns a stupid consulting firm and I hate it; the people, the business, the studying! I hate every single thing that man makes me do but he’s paying for my school so what the hell can I say?! Is that what you wanted to know?! Lee Dongsung is his business partner’s son! They wanted me to meet with him to ensure that the companies will keep being partners after they both step down! Anything else you wanted to know?!”

“I-”

“Oh how about the fact that I’m supposed to take over the company after law school? That I have to beg and do tricks like a dog just to keep playing intramural? Or maybe you’ll think it's interesting that I turn down joining varsity each year because I know that I’ll lose everything if I do it?! What about the fact that my dad constantly reminds me I wouldn’t be anything without his name behind me!? That he can snap his fingers and have my name blacklisted from any industry of his choice! Is that enough for you?!” 

“Bin... Bin baby I-”

“If you’re going to apologize, don’t. fucking. bother,” By the time Soobin is done ranting his face has gone pink and pinched, hands balled into fists at his side, shaking with every inhale. “I don’t need to hear that right now.”

Yeonjun feels like a scolded child, curling into himself, “I... I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say Bin.” Soobin opens his mouth to speak again, but suddenly lurches forward. “Baby! Are you okay?”

Soobin shakes his head and pushes past Yeonjun just in time to fall to his knees at the toilet seat.

Chapter Text

Sometime around their fifth date in a consecutive row, Soobin explained that he had a tendency to throw up whenever he was reaching his limit for nerves or anger. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but he was usually able to hide it from others. The day they nearly got booted from spring nationals before they even got to compete, it happened. When Yeonjun saw Soobin on his knees, clutching the poor janitor’s bucket to his chest for dear life during their regional qualifiers, Soobin was sure that the older wouldn’t let him live it down. However, much to his surprise, Yeonjun actually comforted him through it and didn’t even bring it up afterwards. Originally Soobin had thought it was because Yeonjun randomly decided to be nice and have pity on the junior. But, after talking with Yeonjun about it, it seemed to be the final push Yeonjun needed to ask Soobin out.

And maybe that meant the question came from the stress of competition.

Or maybe it was something more, Soobin found himself hoping against his own will.

Either way both of them promised, pinkies intertwined in the backseat of Yoongi’s car, that they would never go through those moments alone anymore.

A terrible guttural noise reverberating within the toilet bowl brings Soobin’s train of thought to a halt. He listens to Yeonjun’s steps retreating and it feels like a stab to his already aching heart. Another lurch of his stomach sends him deeper into the toilet and Soobin is grateful for a new distraction. He cups his elbows in his palms, comforting himself, as he forces air into his lungs despite the awful stench. He regrets eating so freely earlier today, knowing it only means that this session will last that much longer. 

As Soobin is wallowing in wait, the door creaks open and within moments Yeonjun is rubbing small circles on his boyfriend’s upper back in a soothing pattern. They sit together, enduring wave after wave of nausea until a particularly long pause hits and Soobin thinks he might be done.

“I care,” Yeonjun says abruptly, cutting into the quiet atmosphere.

Soobin gives a noise similar to a grunt into the toilet bowl. Yeonjun must interpret it as a “What?” because he starts speaking, “I do care. About what people say or think,” Yeonjun clarifies, “Well, I care about whatever people I care about care about. I mean- this is not something to be blown off.”

Soobin pushes back from the toilet until his back hits the wall, “No, no, I'm sorry, I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Even if I did care, I let my anger take over. There’s not an excuse,” he closes his eyes, head tilting to the side out of exhaustion and frustration with the entire situation caused by himself, “What I was mad about doesn’t even matter; none of this matters. They’re nobodies and you didn’t ask to be screamed at. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, if it involves you in any way,” Yeonjun reaches past Soobin’s head, grabbing the wet towel and wiping at his chin. The cold startles the tired male and he reopens his eyes just in time to watch as Yeonjun plants a kiss on the top of his head, “It matters to me.”

Soobin, unsure of what to say, takes the face towel in his hands to clean up. Yeonjun flushes the toilet for him then sprays a bit of air freshener while the younger scrubs his face. Yeonjun then helps his Soobin to his feet and, once he’s sure that he won’t topple over, makes him brush his teeth. 

“I just have a question... does your dad know about me? About us?" Yeonjun asks tentatively, taking advantage of Soobin’s preoccupied state. 

Soobin’s shoulders droop a bit as he applies the toothpaste to his brush, “... Neither of my parents do.”

“Oh...” Soobin doesn’t miss the way Yeonjun’s posture shrinks inward. “Do they know you’re gay?”

“I don’t know. I mean, maybe? It’s complicated.”

“I have time,” Yeonjun leans against the doorway, facing the mirror so that the couple can see each other’s expressions.

Soobin hesitates to start, using the need to wet his brush to speak slower, “My family... We’re not very close. At least not my dad and I. My mom doesn’t say much about the company, but she was pretty involved in my life up until college. She came to all of my games and cheered me on from the stands. But then, when the idea of college came up senior year, she kind of just let my dad take over. And he didn’t, um,” Soobin begins to brush at his teeth, talking around the object, “see the value of volleyball. He thought it was just something I did on the side to stay fit, not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.”

“But you do,” Yeonjun supplements as Soobin spits into his sink and scrubs his tongue aggressively.

Soobin nods, eyes flitting back and forth between his task at hand and his boyfriend, “I do. I really love volleyball. I could do it without being paid for the rest of my life and still be happy.”

“Your dad doesn’t understand that.”

“No, he doesn’t. He also doesn’t understand the purpose of making friends or going out or anything social. If it’s not about the company or my studies, he doesn’t want to hear it.”

“His son is one of the most sought after players in the entire province and he doesn’t have the decency to acknowledge it?” Yeonjun crosses his arms across his chest, a bit of anger in his tone. “He doesn’t even know what he’s missing out on. Seriously, baby. I mean you have the whole package! Book smart, athletic, romantic, a little rough in the sheets-”

Soobin gags as his toothbrush slips back too far, coughing, and Yeonjun’s nose crinkles in the effort not to laugh. He can feel his face turn pink, but concentrates on not swallowing any of the toothpaste in his mouth. It's such a Yeonjun thing: cracking a joke when Soobin least expects it, always keeping him comfortable.

His heart shifts in its rhythm at the realization.

“Do you miss your mom?"

Soobin spits into the sink again before answering solemnly, "Yeah... A lot actually..."

"Well, you're going home, right? For Christmas?" Yeonjun prompts curiously.

"Yeah. It’ll be my first time seeing them since September,” Soobin cups his hands under the faucet and rinses his mouth out. 

“Good; I’m sure your mom will be happy to see you again. How long will you be gone?”

There’s no way Soobin could survive an entire month in Ansan, “I’ll probably stay home for like a week. I’ll be dying to come back to Seoul by then.”

“I’ll miss you.”

Soobins’s heart jumps giddily as he smiles, dimples peeking impishly, “How much?”

“More than you’ll ever know,” Yeonjun cooes cheesily and the two break into cheshire grins, “C’mon, I have a drink and snack for you.”

They file out into the bedroom and crawl onto their respective sides (Soobin on the right because he likes to be close to the door and Yeonjun on the left because he has a tendency to wake up on the floor). Soobin places a second pillow under Yeonjun’s side in advance because every night he sleeps over he always winds up having a second pillow anyways. It’s little motions like that, things Soobin does without even batting an eyelash that lets him know that he is royally fucked. He’s so mind numbingly in love right now that the thought of losing Yeonjun to the careless actions of someone as undeserving as his own father makes his impending doom of falling deeper into love hurt that much more.

Yeonjun produces a small package of slightly crumbled crackers from his (read: Soobin's) old sweats pocket, “I didn’t want you to eat anything that would upset your stomach again.”

“Thanks, babe,” Soobin accepts the package even though his stomach is still full of knots. 

They sit in a comfortable silence, Yeonjun snuggling under the comforter while Soobin nibbles on the edge of a cracker. That is until Soobin realizes that he also doesn’t know anything about Yeonjun’s parents, “Do your parents know about us?”

Yeonjun stops wriggling to say, “I’m sure my grandmother has told them by now. Or maybe even Yoongi if my parents bothered him enough.”

“Oh,” Soobin dumbly vocalizes. “Are... you guys close?”

Yeonjun shrugs beneath the plaid comforter, shoulders peeking above the sheets, “Not really. But I don’t think it is their fault. I just needed a lot of attention as a kid and, when your older brother is the prodigy libero in volleyball before he even hits middle school, it’s pretty hard to get any of that.”

Soobin nods, once then twice and a third time before wondering aloud, “Is that why you started to play volleyball?”

There’s a pause and then Yeonjun’s shifting to sit up, back on the headboard, “Originally yes. I just wanted my parents to really look at me. But when I started to play, I wasn’t nearly as good as Yoongi; hell I couldn’t even serve properly,” he gives a bitter chuckle that leaves a bad taste in Soobin’s mouth, “Time went on. Eventually I got good enough to join varsity in high school and by that time Yoongi had already been in college playing for SNU for like two years. I was still chasing after my parents' attention so I applied for SNU and tried out for the volleyball team and got the same exact position that the legendary Min Yoongi had had years ago...”

Soobin turns and finds a glass of water on his nightstand that Yeonjun must have gotten when he left the room earlier. He uses it to wash down the lump in his throat, turning back around to ask, “Are you happy now? Now that they’re paying attention to you?”

“Ha,” Yeonjun’s laugh sounds skeletal, lacking the usual emotion behind it, “I went so long without it that now that I have it, I just run from it... I don’t go home or keep in contact with them much anymore. Unless Yoongi forces me to and he only does when it’s a major holiday. But only for a day. It’s like he knows that if I stay any longer I might start to ask the questions that I’ve always had stuck in my head.”

Soobin isn’t sure what to do with this information aside from feel selfishly relieved that he isn’t the only one with family issues in the relationship. He places down the half finished pack of crackers to also climb underneath the covers, pressing his back against the headboard just like Yeonjun. He intertwines their fingers beneath the comforter, thumb absently stroking the back of his boyfriend’s hand.

Don’t do it, Soobin inner monologue stresses. You’re adding unnecessary risk to your relationship enough as is. 

“Babe?”

Yeonjun hums.

This is so dumb. You are so dumb. So many things could go wrong.

“Do you want to meet my family?”

“Really?” Yeonjun perks up, narrowed eyes squinting at Soobin.

NO!

Soobin gives his hand a soft squeeze, “Really. It’ll give my mom someone else to fuss over and might make my dad back off for a bit.”

Or it could send your entire world crumbling down.

Yeonjun’s lips twitch, eyes softening as he realizes that Soobin is serious, “Of course, baby.”

Soobin tries to mask his anxiety with the relief that Yeonjun agreed. He allows himself to be distracted by Yeonjun’s lips slotting perfectly into his, Yeonjun’s hand slipping from his own to grip his waist, Yeonjun’s toned thighs caging his soft ones. 

He lets Yeonjun drive away every hint of fear, of apprehension, of uncertainty with each hair tug and soft moan, with each delicate hand ghosting over his flesh and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

He grants himself permission to be intoxicated by all things Yeonjun.

Just for tonight.

Four days later when he arrives at the door of his childhood home, hands fidgeting nervously at his sides, Soobin realizes that he is extremely underprepared. 

When he asked Yeonjun to meet his parents, he hadn’t exactly planned to also have him stay the whole week. But it kind of just happened in oh so carefully out of control atmosphere that Yeonjun creates even when he thinks he has things under control. Last night, for instance, Yeonjun showed up at Soobin’s apartment while Soobin was eating a late dinner, suitcase packed, and Yoongi’s car awaiting them in the morning. Soobin didn’t have time to think about much of anything in the short hour car ride there either. It was too preoccupied with Yeonjun’s giddiness for the day, with Yeonjun's nerves about making the best first impression, with random singing breaks and giggles, with stolen kisses and little hand squeezes whenever Soobin got too close to thinking.

However, now, with only three inches of wood separating his secret life that he’s been guarding and his harsh reality, Soobin can only think of what he hasn’t done.

Like, for example, find out if his parents were extremely homophobic before throwing his sweet, loving boyfriend into the pits of hell.

His parents hadn’t exactly brought sexuality into their list of discussions to have; they didn’t outright shun anything other than heterosexual, but they also didn’t acknowledge it. Soobin isn’t sure if they always had the ‘vibe’ and therefore felt it unnecessary to speak with him about it or if announcing that Yeonjun is his close boy "friend" will be the first mentioning of it. And it’s the fear of the unknown that freezes him in place. It isn’t until Yeonjun’s arm brushes his own, hands carrying both of their luggage since he insisted it would make a good impression on his parents, that Soobin stabs the doorbell.

There’s silence and then an explosion of barking that he knows only Sean could create. He can’t help the faint smile that tugs at his lips, grateful to know that some things will always be good. The door opens soon after, Soobin’s mother, her face so familiarly etched into his features, misty eyed and smiling with her hands clasped over her chest, “Soobin. You’re here.”

“I am... Uhm,” he squats down to ruffle at his dog’s ears, smiling wider when he flips over for a belly rub, “I hope it is okay that I brought someone along.”

She seems to register the presence of a person other than her son in that moment. “Oh,” her voice wavers, a sign of her shock, but she quickly recovers, a polite smile gracing her face, “Any friend of my son is welcome in my home. Come on in.”

She steps back and Yeonjun bows before walking further into the hallway. They both pause to remove their shoes then trek into the living room area where Yeonjun places down their bags, Sean looping in between his legs in excitement. “After dinner, Soobin can show you the guest bedroom and grab you some towels so you can shower,” his mom then snaps at Sean who whimpers and sulks away from Yeonjun to his bed.

“Uh, we were going to share-”

Yeonjun elbows Soobin roughly, bowing again to Mrs. Choi, “Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate your kindness.”

Her eyes flicker between the two boys longer than Soobin would like before she shakes her head, “It is no problem. You two go wash your hands. The table’s already set and your dad is ready to eat.”

Soobin leads the way to the bathroom and pouts once inside, clutching his side, “What was that for?”

“I didn’t want your mom to think I don’t respect her,” Yeonjun smiles apologetically, pecking Soobin’s cheek, “I’m fine with staying in a separate room if that’s what she wants.”

Soobin has to chew his cheek to keep from saying that it’s not about what she wants when it comes to Yeonjun, opting to wash his hands instead.

When they leave and head back to the formal dining room, Soobin notices that his mom is nowhere to be found. His dad though is sitting in his head chair at the top of the dining table, thinning salt pepper hair slicked into a comb over, tie loose, white button down untucked and his glasses at the tip of his nose. “Hello appa,” he greets his dad who has his eyes focused entirely elsewhere. 

“Who are you?” his dad spares no time with pleasantries, a personal Choi charm of his.

Yeonjun doesn’t miss a beat, bowing lower than Soobin and holding it a bit longer as well, “Good evening Mr. Choi, my name is Yeonjun, I play with Soobin on the intramural volleyball team. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Soobin winces internally at the ‘finally’, but notes that his dad doesn’t demand that Yeonjun vacate the premises immediately, which means he’s mildly curious about where this night is about to go.

Yeonjun is the perfect gentleman for the remainder of the night; he insists on helping Soobin’s mother carry out his dinner since she hadn’t known to set a fourth plate, waits until both of his parents have taken a bite of their meals before beginning his own and answers the surface level questions about himself that his mother rapid fires his way: age, major, hometown, etc.

Soobin hadn’t exactly been tuned in for the majority of the small talk but, at some point in the meal, his mom tilts her head, expression dangerously curious, “You two seem awfully close.”

Soobin stills, as if it would pause the current conversation, while Yeonjun replies, “We are. Aren’t we Soobin-ah?” cueing Soobin to chew his mouthful of rice enough to swallow and answer.

“Mhm,” he says, avoiding everyone’s eyes, and his wonderful boyfriend somehow convinces his mom to tell him about how she met his dad, effectively taking the pressure off of Soobin to provide further explanation as to why they were close, to come out when he hadn't thought much about it himself.

Dinner finishes (thankfully) uneventfully.

And so does breakfast the next morning, and dinner again and, even when his mom walks in to the two boys cuddling in Soobin's bedroom at night, and later at lunch the day before they leave when Soobin casually mentions that Yeonjun and him have been dating for three months now as he chops up the lentils for their dinner.

It only makes his mom falter for a moment before grinning down into the pot of noodles, replying, “That’s nice, honey. You’ll have to get him something nice to celebrate.”

That same day, Soobin interrupts a conference call to tell his dad that Yeonjun is actually his boyfriend. He is barely halfway through his sentence when his dad waves Soobin dismissively out of his office, saying, “Alright. Congratulations. Don’t let him interfere with your studies. Now go.”

Soobin knows that it was so easy to break the news because of how Yeonjun made an effort to talk to his mom every chance he got. He remembered details that she randomly told him, laughed at her jokes, showed her pictures of Soobin in his volleyball uniform (that the younger wasn't even aware of), showed her videos of some of their past wins at the qualifiers. He even called her eomma~ and she didn't question it, just cooed and coddled him more.

Yeonjun hadn't gotten as far with his dad, which isn't surprising. But his dad entertained some conversation at the dinner table about Yeonjun’s goal to open up a sports medicine center and they briefly nodded and waved whenever they saw each other in the house.

It all went perfect, or as perfect as Soobin’s life can be, and he realizes how much easier Yeonjun made everything, so on Saturday morning when they pack up the car, say goodbye to his parents and start to drive to Seoul, he declares, “I love you.”

Yeonjun slams on the brakes when they reach the red light, the car jerking harshly, “What?”

“I said I love you.”

He frantically pats his pockets, tugging his phone out rather aggressively and flips to the camera. By the time Yeonjun gets the video focused on him, Soobin is laughing with his whole body, uncontained and happy and fuzzy like love makes you. “One more time baby!” Yeonjun pleads and Soobin pretends to be angry before looking past the camera into his boyfriend’s eyes, “I love you, Choi Yeonjun.”

“I love you-”

A honk signals Yeonjun that the light has turned green and he curses, starting to drive again, but Soobin is still gooey and molten inside because he can put a name to what Yeonjun does to him.

Chapter Text

"Stop."

They obey the command, everyone coming to halt, the ball hitting the ground in a sudden thud. They had been practicing for a little over an hour now, but it had just been a run through of play formations that Yoongi wanted the entire team to memorize. It wasn't the most thrilling activity, but Yeonjun knew it was necessary.

“What’s wrong with this formation?” Yoongi calls out from his position on the sidelines.

Everyone turns to observe the other, but no one speaks up.

“Soobin, you set the ball before I called the whistle right?”

“Yes, Coach!” Soobin answers.

“Where is Beomgyu?”

Soobin glances to his left, "About halfway to the net."

"Beomgyu?"

"Yes, Coach?"

"Do you like how Soobin sets for you?"

There's a subtle shift; the air gets a bit tense. Beomgyu seems at a loss for words, avoiding Soobin's gaze entirely, "Uhm... I just attack whatever ball he gives me."

"So no?" Yoongi clarifies. 

Beomgyu is quick to refute, "No, no- we trained so that any ball he sets I can hit."

Yoongi isn't impressed, "Jeongin. What about you?"

"Same as Beomgyu, Coach."

"Taehyun?"

The freshman slightly cowers at the mention of his name, "Coach, I don't have much to base my perspective on-"

"Yes or no, Taehyun?"

Taehyun awkwardly fidgets beside Soobin, glancing down at the court, "I agree with the others."

"Yeonjun?" 

The junior met his brother's gaze, confidently replying, "I haven't had enough practice with him yet so if I'm being honest I don't know Coach."

After their last qualifiers, Yoongi permanently relinquished Yeonjun's libero title. Yeonjun plays every position now, specializing as a right side hitter whenever they play practice games against the varsity volleyball team. They fought about it the entirety of practice when Yoongi first announced the change, at home whenever Yoongi didn't lock himself into his bedroom to avoid Yeonjun's whining and whenever Yeonjun went into the kitchen at the restaurant during his shift. The only reason Yeonjun had relented in the slightest was because his boyfriend told him how upset it made him to see the two brothers arguing during their cuddle session at their weekly movie night in Soobin's apartment.

So Yeonjun swallowed his pride and forced out a semi-apologetic murmur to Yoongi the next morning at practice. Yoongi's jaw had nearly detached in shock but he quickly recovered, insisting that it was for the best. Another change was implemented, which was to be expected with Yoongi being fairly close to Jin, and vice versa. Now the varsity and intramural teams hold joint practices more, sharing the gym space and players interchangeably. Although there is an obvious gap of play knowledge since most of the intramural team has just started playing volleyball, the two teams keep each other on their toes and receive constant coaching from two different perspectives. 

Yoongi nods as if he already knew the answer, "Alright, everyone except for Beomgyu and Soobin come stand on the sidelines with me."

The remaining players begin to file off the court to stand beside their coach. Yeonjun scoops up the ball on his way, gently placing it in Soobin's arms with a wink. Soobin returns it, savoring the brush of contact they have in the moment and giggling at Yeonjun's attempt at a wink. Beomgyu raises his brow slightly at the display which doesn’t go missed by Yeonjun. It takes everything in Yeonjun's power not to knock shoulders with the sophomore when he passes him, standing a good distance away to resist the temptation.

Beomgyu was the least receptive to the couple when they revealed their relationship to the team at dinner a month back. They were happy; Taehyun declared that he had his suspicions while Kai admitted that Hoseok had told him the night that Yeonjun asked Soobin out and Jeongin congratulated the two with excited clapping and a soju bottle. Beomgyu was on the opposite side of the spectrum entirely; he held a disgusted expression for most of the dinner afterwards and patched together a half assed lie to leave early, forcing Jeongin to join him. 

When he walked Soobin home Yeonjun relayed his observation and Soobin had told Yeonjun not to worry about it. He explained that he and Beomgyu had always bumped heads in the past, and assured him that Beomgyu would eventually come around. Yeonjun decided to give Soobin the benefit of the doubt, keeping his rather nasty comments (and hands) about Beomgyu's attitude to himself.

However, time has not changed Beomgyu's stance on their relationship in the slightest; in fact Yeonjun is fairly sure that it worsened in the past three months since.

And Yeonjun is starting to reach his limit for it.

"Have you guys heard of tempo?" Yoongi begins once everyone is off the court. "No? Well it is the pace that the spiker runs in order to reach the set. Right now all the spikers are running at first tempo. Let's try second tempo. Soobin set like normal; Beomgyu, you're going to wait until the ball is in the air to run after it, alright?"

Yeonjun notices how Soobin's fingers flex on the ball, a crease forming between his brow. It has been an odd transition for the younger: going from playing every leadership position on the team to transferring his power to another person entirely and hoping that all goes well. Yeonjun appreciates the fact that Soobin is trying his best to be cooperative; he even gave a speech the practice before Yoongi had officially became coach about the rest of the boys needing to trust Yoongi to grow as a team. He showered him with kisses that night, eliciting gleeful giggles from the doe eyed boy as he muttered about how great of a captain Soobin was.

Soobin launches the ball into the air once Yoongi blows his whistle. Everyone watches Beomgyu as he tracks the ball before swinging, narrowly missing the ball.

“What happened?” Yoongi asks as the two get back into position, slightly bend in their knees.

Beomgyu blanches, “I was too far from the ball. I couldn’t reach it when I was fully extended.”

“Were you? Or was the ball too far from you?” Yoongi asks for Beomgyu to specify and Yeonjun doesn’t like the way Soobin’s hand begins to fist at his practice shorts.

Beomgyu bows his head, “I'm- I'm not sure Coach.”

“Tell Soobin what kind of set you hit best,” Yoongi doesn’t let up as he passes another ball to Soobin who catches it with raised brows.

Beomgyu shifts uncomfortably, chin raising a bit to say, “That set was fine.”

“Apparently not since you didn’t hit it,” it’s blunt and rough, but it’s Yoongi and Yeonjun knows it’s his form of encouragement. “You guys are a team. You have to get comfortable telling each other things that the other may not like if it betters the team as a whole. Tell him.”

Beomgyu nods slowly before turning to face Soobin, who’s fingers tap against the ball rhythmically (a nervous tick of his whenever he’s unsure of the next play), “I like when you set short. I’m usually closer to you than you think and when you set far, I have to run more and I just lose more stamina in a match...”

Soobin blinks a few times, as if processing the data on the spot, then nods. Satisfied with the exchange, Yoongi presses his whistle to his mouth, calling out, "Again.”

They repeat the exercise for ten more minutes, both players growing increasingly frustrated with each failed attempt until suddenly one particular hit sends the ball flying into the opposite court’s attack line. They stop, panting and stunned, and Yoongi blows his whistle to snap them back to reality, commanding with a small smile, “Keep going.” 

They find their groove soon after, cutting the court each time, faster, more precise, more controlled, and Yoongi explains to the remaining players on the sidelines, “Third tempo jumps after the set and waits until the ball is halfway in its arc, second jumps just after the set like Beomgyu is, first jumps during set. This means that the spiker has to take control of their ball, that the spiker makes every touch, every second count. You guys have to keep your eyes on the court at all times and, depending on how much you guys practice and learn how to get in sync with your setter, it is possible to catch opponents off guard mid air. Beomgyu, you’re out, Taehyun, you’re in.”

The two players switch and the first few minutes go just as poorly as they had with Beomgyu and Soobin. But eventually they find their own pace, with Taehyun explaining the set that works best for him and Soobin doing his best to replicate it every time. They cycle through each of the players then swap Soobin out with Jeongin, the next best setter, and repeat the entire process again. It is draining both mentally and physically, but they look much better than when they started.

“That’s enough for tonight,” Yoongi calls an end to practice after Yeonjun’s last spike. “Good work everyone. Start cooling down and cleaning up. Y’all have made some incredible progress today so treat yourselves tonight.”

The team gathers on the sidelines, bowing to their coach then breaking into their usual stretch and cool down routine. Soobin and Yeonjun naturally fall in step beside each other, as they have for the past three months, whispering and teasing between each other.

“I want sushi tonight,” Beomgyu announces, groaning as he reaches for his toes. 

Jeongin pouts slightly, “You got to choose where we went last time!”

“It’s not like you guys have any better ideas,” Beomgyu teases. “You can ask Soobinie hyung; I have the best taste out of the group.”

“Huh?” Soobin’s head pops up, tearing his attention away from Yeonjun momentarily, and Yeonjun bites down on his inner cheek to stop from speaking.

“Why does Beomgyu always get to choose where we eat?” Jeongin repeats, pout full force.

Soobin frowns slightly, “I thought you guys just liked whatever Beomgyu chose.”

“We’re just tired of eating at the same places,” Taehyun explains, leaning on Kai’s back as he holds his ankles. “Can we try somewhere new tonight?”

Soobin shrugs and nods, “Sure, we can catch the bus if it’s too far to walk to.”

While his teammates discuss new places to eat at, Yeonjun watches the varsity team practice a new pipeline play with a bit of jealousy. The fall semester has officially ended which means that Yeonjun is eligible to play on varsity again. But between practicing for the intramural state qualifiers, working part time and dating Soobin, he hasn’t exactly had the time to talk to Jin about re-joining.

However, much to Yeonjun’s surprise, Jin suddenly calls out from the court adjacent to theirs, “Choi! You mind running through a few plays with us?”

Yeonjun’s jaw goes slack out of shock, but he quickly stands up from his stretch, “N-no, Coach! Let me just ask my captain-”

When he glances back to his left, he finds Soobin pouty lips twisted into a frown that he hastily replaces with a little grin, “Well, don’t keep them waiting. You can just eat with us on Wednesday night. I'll wipe down the court tonight.”

He doesn’t seem too excited but Yeonjun just assumes it’s due to the strain of today’s practice and his general exhaustion from schoolwork.

Yeonjun leans down, brushing his lips gently on Soobin’s cheek as he whispers excitedly, “Thanks, baby. Text me when you get home.”

Yeonjun skips off, hopping into middle position on the back row in his true libero fashion.

The moment the rally begins, Yeonjun knows things are different; he notices that he fits into the dynamic quicker than he had before, that Jeongguk actually gives him a high ten when he returns a low ball, that he can anticipate his teammates needs by listening to their calls. It feels so right, so perfect, so smooth that he loses himself in the game and doesn’t even notice his boyfriend’s bambi eyes watching him for the rest of their cool down and clean up session. 

It isn’t until Soobin calls out his name as he takes a water break that he registers that Soobin is leaving. He waves a hand in his direction, beaming with sweat and pride then rejoins the court, not sparing another look over his shoulder to see his boyfriend with his hand poised to blow a kiss that Yeonjun never receives.

Chapter Text

Soobin tries not to think about anything. 

He tries to shove all of his thoughts into a box in the corner of his mind. He wraps his fingers, slow and careful. Tries to concentrate on making sure his knuckles can flex freely. That his wrist joints aren't stiff. Tries to go through his play knowledge to ward off the overwhelming weight on his shoulders.

It doesn’t work.

“Baby,” Yeonjun is there right when he feels the first wave of nausea hit, hand on his shoulder grounding him to reality, “Are you feeling okay?”

It takes every morsel of self control in Soobin’s body to not curl into his boyfriend’s arms in that moment, “No.”

“What do you need me to do?” Yeonjun turns to face him head on, hand snaking down his arm to intertwine with his own.

Soobin breaks into a nervous smile, “Just... Stay like this. For a little. Please.”

“Okay,” Yeonjun is slightly panting from their warm up drills, already shining with a light coat of sweat. “So what do you wanna do after this?”

Soobin is thankful for the distraction, “I haven’t thought that far honestly.”

“My grandmother keeps asking about you; maybe we could stop by the shop and say hi.”

“Is this just an excuse for you to get more manjus?”

“What? Noooo! I just want to visit my lovely- Okay fine, maybe I thought about the manjus, but my grandmother would really love to see you.”

Soobin can’t help the laugh that comes out, but it also attracts unexpected attention. “Yah, what are you two giggling about?” Hoseok teases from the bench beside Yoongi.

He insisted on coming to the state qualifiers to cheer them on since he wasn’t able to make it to regionals months prior. But he's spent most of his time ogling at Yoongi in a tracksuit.

“Yeah, shouldn’t you be warming up?” Beomgyu pipes up from his low squat, eyes narrowed in on their linked hands. 

Soobin feels Yeonjun’s grip on his hand tighten, but he simply says, “You’re right. Can you help me stretch out?”

Yeonjun whispers beside him, “Baby, you don’t have to listen-”

“I know,” Soobin glances back to his boyfriend, a true smile tugging at his lips. “But he has a point. Thank you for helping me calm down.” He plants a swift kiss on Yeonjun’s lips that makes Taehyun fake gag and Jeongin clap then goes over to Beomgyu, joining him on the floor. 

“Gyu,” Soobin begins, legs splayed apart, one arm wrapped around his waist while the other waits over his head.

Beomgyu helps him lean to his right leg, hands keeping a steady pressure on his side, “Hm?”

“Why don’t you like Yeonjun?"

Beomgyu freezes like a deer caught in headlights, “What?”

“C’mon, Gyu, don’t play dumb. I know you don’t like him; tell me why.”

Beomgyu mutters after a few tense moments pass, “You know I never have...”

“But why?”

“Soobin, you saw how he treated his own teammates from varsity; hell, he even got kicked off the team for it.”

Soobin stares at his boyfriend who is practicing sets with Taehyun and Kai, a determined scowl set on his face as he commends each good pass they give him. “He’s changed since then,” the corners of his lips tug upwards.

“How do you know that? Hyung, you just met-”

“We’ve known each other for a semester now-”

“That’s like four months, hyung! We played with Felix longer than that!”

“He’s different now," Soobin insists, "I can tell- anyone with two eyes can. You can even ask Yoongi hyung.”

Beomgyu scoffs as Soobin taps his hands to signal that he’s ready to switch sides.

“What?” 

Once Soobin is on his left leg, Beomgyu answers, “Nothing.”

“It’s obviously something.”

“You’re just going to defend him,” he grumbles, adding bitterly afterwards, “Like you always do.”

“Beomgyu, what do you expect? He’s my boyfriend.”

“Whatever, forget it.”

“Why are you acting so childish about this?”

“Because I know you won’t listen to me anyways,” Beomgyu snaps, obviously on edge now. “And I’d rather not start a fight on game day.”

Soobin stays quiet for the remainder of his side stretch, tapping Beomgyu when he’s ready to switch positions, arms reaching out between his legs. Beomgyu leans into his back, applying less pressure than before, and Soobin finally gains enough courage to speak, “I’m doing this so we don’t have to fight about this ever again. Can you please just tell me what you're thinking?”

Beomgyu attempts to explain with a belated sigh, “If he was different, don’t you think he wouldn’t have tried to claw his brother’s throat at regionals?”

“What are you talking about?”

“If he was a 'changed man', do you really think he would’ve responded to criticism like that? He looked like he was about to rip Yoongi hyung’s head off. And you were right there next to him. If he didn’t get over himself, he could’ve hurt you too. But he didn’t even care about that being a possibility! He was too busy being mad that he couldn’t even see the rest of us. I mean Hyuka-”

“-It was a stressful time-”

“Okay, what about a few practices ago then? When we were doing 3v3s with Wooyung sunbaenim, Hongjoong sunbaenim and Hyunjin sunbaenim?”

Soobin tries his best not to sound defensive, “What about it?”

“Remember when Wooyoung told him that he wasn’t putting in enough effort so for the rest of the game he only went for the balls that Wooyoung went for, forcing them to constantly hit each other until Wooyoung’s shoulder got so messed up that he had to sit out of the next two practices?”

Soobin frowns, pushing himself off of the court floor, “He didn’t do it on purpose-”

“There you go! Defending him again! Look, I’m done talking about this,” Beomgyu lifts away from Soobin’s back, glaring down at the elder, “I’m sorry hyung, but I don’t like him, okay? I haven’t let it interfere with us playing and I don’t plan to. But just know that I don’t trust him. At all. He’s blinded all of you into thinking he’s so great but in reality-”

A loud buzzing sound comes over the speakers, effectively drowning out Beomgyu’s rant, and an announcer’s greeting comes crackling through the speakers above, “Good morning players and coaches, thank you for coming to the state Spring Nationals Tournament qualifiers. All of our competing teams are present so we are about to start. As per tradition, only eight teams from the line up of each province will continue onto the national segment of competition. Represent your province well. Recruiters, you are not allowed to directly approach any players that are on court, even if they are on the sidelines. You are welcome to stay until the end of their games or leave a card with their coaches. The pairings for the first round are as follows...”

Hoseok then gets up from the bench, pecking Yoongi’s cheek and flashing the group an enthusiastic thumbs up. He takes a quick picture of the team before scrambling off towards the bleachers.

“... Hanyang University versus Seoul National...”

Soobin looks up just in time to meet Yeonjun’s watchful eye. “We’re going to nationals,” the older mouths, the corners of his lips curving upwards in his infamous smile, "I promise."

Soobin believes him wholeheartedly.

And maybe this is what Beomgyu is talking about: how it just takes a promise from Yeonjun to make the anxious sea rolling in him come to a standstill. But it’s just what Yeonjun does. Because Yeonjun is everything he isn’t: confident, funny, bold, unapologetic, fearless, cocky, stubborn. 

And yet when it comes to Soobin he’s gentle.

“Okay guys,” Yoongi starts once they’ve moved to their assigned court for the first round. “Play your hearts out today. Give it everything you got. Don’t do it for me, or the school, or your families. Do it for yourselves, for how hard you’ve worked, how many nights and mornings you’ve ached. No matter what happens I will be proud of you and so should you... Now hands in,” They all pile their hands atop of Yoongi's, and Soobin smiles when Yeonjun’s smaller hand curls around his larger one, “1, 2, 3, fighting!”

“Fighting!”

They line up on the court, both teams bowing to each other when the referee whistles and the respective captains shaking hands as a show of good sportsmanship. 

They get into their first formation, Soobin far left, Kai in the middle and Jeongin far right on the attack row, with Taehyun behind Soobin, Yeonjun behind Kai and Beomgyu behind Jeongin on the back row. They all crouch in wait as the opposing team’s member steps out of bounds to serve. The ball goes up, up, up and the man throws his lanky form after it, sending the ball soaring.

Kai jumps, “Mine!”

From behind Yeonjun shouts, “Don’t! It’s out!” 

Just in time Kai drops his hands, brows furrowing, and the ball arches over the court entirely, hitting the wall just behind them. A sharp whistle and the referee grants them a point.

“Good call hyung,” Kai says gratefully, and Yeonjun grunts, a delighted sparkle in his eyes, “Let’s keep it going.”

The next thing Sooin knows, they are switching courts after winning the first match (25 to 23) and his heart is in his throat, the beat so loud that it drowns out all train of thought.

“That was close, but don’t lose your cool,” Yoongi warns them as they guzzle down their water bottles. “Soobin, start off on the back row this time; we need at least one of our taller guys on the attack row at all times. Kai, I need you to keep those hands strong, alright? Jeongin when you dig, make sure your knee comes directly in front of you; if you lean out then it’ll throw off your balance. Yeonjun, when you dive, dive. Don’t hesitate, everyone knows to stay back. Taehyun, you’re doing great, nice air, but you’re speeding up; I can tell. Just breathe. Beomgyu, I want you to serve first. I've seen you practicing and know you can get us a service ace.”

A whistle from the referee breaks them apart and they reassemble on the court, this time with Soobin beside Yeonjun on the back row.

“I love you,” Yeonjun says, eyes sharp, words oozing warmth.

Soobin almost hiccups, breath catching in his chest, “I love you too.”

Behind them,, Beomgyu steps out of bounds, setting up his serve. He bounces the ball twice, then exhales long and slow. His steps are small as he tosses the ball up and Soobin's jaw tenses as he realizes that he’s attempting a jump float serve.

The ball seems to be in slow motion, arcing above their heads, teetering at the net, daring to drop any second. 

And it does.

On their side.

The whistle feels like salt on a fresh wound but, before he can panic, Kai is shouting over his shoulder, “Brush it off, Beommie hyung. You’re fine!”

“You got it, hyung!” Taehyun pipes up from directly in front of him on the attack row, squatting down to be in a receiving position.

Yeonjun suddenly turns, forcing eye contact with the sophomore whose shoulders are pulled up to his ears in shame, “Relax. We took the last set. We’ll take this one. Try again; I know you can do it.”

Beomgyu blinks rapidly, as if in disbelief that Yeonjun actually spoke to him, but nods. He accepts the ball from the referee and shakes out the tension in his shoulders, tilting his head side to side to stretch his neck. He tosses the ball from hand to hand, bounces once, then sends the ball upwards, taking progressively bigger steps to chase after it. His hand makes contact in the slightest, merely shepherding the ball along and when it goes over the net, Soobin releases a breath that he had unknowingly held. 

“Nice serve Gyu!” he commends as the rally begins across from them, “Now, don’t let them take anything from us!”

“Yes captain!” the team chants.

The sound of shoes squeaking on hardwood, cheers from all around, balls hitting skin, floors and nets, whistles cutting through the air. It all muddles around him until the only thing he can focus on is keeping the ball in play, keeping it in bounds, helping his team score point after point after point.

At one point he’s not even aware of the score. He’s just playing.

And then, Taehyun strikes an abrupt cut across their opponents court and Jeongin’s shouting louder than Soobin’s ever heard, Beomgyu’s jumping in glee, Kai's doing his usual dolphin shriek, and Yeonjun locks eyes with him yet again.

“One down. Two to go,” he grins and Soobin races to close their short distance, arms wrapping tight around his waist and lifting his feet off the ground. 

And Yeonjun giggles.

Like actually giggles, soft breaths and all.

“Aren’t you celebrating a bit early?” the older asks, his arms coming to snake around Soobin’s neck, pushing up to look at his face.

Soobin shakes his head, smile stretched wide, eyes nearly pushed closed, “No. Because you promised. And you never break your promises.”

Yeonjun stares at him, brown eyes widening in the slightest before crashing his lips down onto Soobin’s.

Before Yeonjun, Soobin would have been embarrassed. He would have put Yeonjun down while blushing bright red and apologizing to anyone that saw.

But that was before.

Now, he just pulls him in even tighter, lips melding into Yeonjun’s perfectly, eyes closing; he lets himself get lost in it, follows Yeonjun’s lead as always.

Because Yeonjun gave him something he’d never found on his own.

Courage.

To say fuck everyone and whatever they think. To love whoever he wants unconditionally. To do whatever he wants.

And he wouldn’t let anyone take that away.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun laughs, head lolling back on Soobin’s chest as Soobin recaps his nightmare of freshman homecoming, “Wait, wait, you ripped her dress?! In front of everyone?!”

“Not on purpose!” Soobin squeals, cheeks hot with embarrassment, “It just got under my shoe and- Why are you laughinggg?”

Yeonjun has to sit up to keep from choking as he wheezes, “S-sorry I- you-” he can’t even get his words out.

Soobin pouts cutely behind him and Yoongi gives a small snicker from the kitchen, “Not you too, hyung,” he whines, arms flailing in protest.

“It is kind of funny,” Hoseok confesses from his perch at the kitchen table, peeling potatoes, “That poor girl; I bet she was devastated.”

It's a Saturday afternoon, which also means that it's date night. This time, they chose to have a double date with Hoseok and Yoongi since the food would be free (and they didn't have to cook it) and they would have an excuse to cuddle all day (with some generous make out sessions sprinkled throughout).

Ever since they made it through state qualifiers, Yeonjun had begun attending both varsity and intramural practices and prep games, which basically meant that he didn’t have much free time anymore. The practices had also separated again since finals were so close for both teams: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays were dedicated to intramural while Tuesdays and Thursdays were for varsity. The workload itself wasn’t terrible; it wasn’t always fun, but Yeonjun loved to play, no matter how sore he was anyways.

The only downside was that he had less time to meet up with Soobin who had a busy schedule of his own. Throughout the week they would occasionally catch lunch in the cafeteria but more often than not these days, Soobin was in the library studying for upcoming exams or attending meetings and dinners for his dad’s company and Yeonjun didn’t want to bother him about meeting up. As a result Saturdays were truly the only day where the couple could hang out without any disturbances so they did their best to make the most of it.

“Who wouldn’t be?” Yoongi pitches in and Soobin covers his face in shame, “And I thought Yeonjun’s freshman promposal was bad.”

Yeonjun gulps in a deep breath, trying to reign his laughter in, “Ohmygod don’t even-”

“Freshman promposal?” Hoseok repeats with a teasing lilt in his voice, “Spill the beans.”

“You better not!” Yeonjun warns Yoongi who emerges from the kitchen, cradling a mixing bowl in the crook of his elbow as he stirs.

Soobin peeks from behind his hands to complain, “Hey, that’s not fair! I told you something embarrassing!”

“But you chose to do that, baby,” Yeonjun coos, turning around enough to pinch Soobin’s cheek between his thumb and index finger lovingly, “It was your own fault.”

Yoongi continues to mix, an evil smirk gracing his face as he starts to tell his story anyways, “It was my senior prom and Yeonjun-”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Yeonjun hops up from the couch, racing around it, and Yoongi dashes further into the living room.

“-had a crush on my date so he-”

“Lalalalalalalala!” Yeonjun tries to overpower Yoongi’s voice, leaning from leg to leg as Yoongi uses the couch as protection, attempting to psych the younger out, "I can't hear youuu!"

“-went to her house and sang a song he’d written about why she should-”

Hoseok and Soobin laugh so hard that they both curl forward, the sound bouncing off the walls so loudly that it takes a full minute for them to realize someone’s phone is ringing. When they notice, everyone collectively looks around until Soobin glances down at the coffee table and spots Yeonjun’s phone lighting up. He picks it up, noting the contact is Jin, “Here.”

He tosses the phone to Yeonjun who catches it easily, swiping across the screen to answer, “Hello?”

“Pssstttt,” Yoongi crows and Soobin scoots down the couch to hear him better, eyes alight with glee, “He serenaded the wrong house and the dad came out with a baseball bat. He pissed his pants and got drenched by the sprinklers running home. He tried to fake sick the next day, but our mom made him go and apologize to the girl and me. It was the highlight of my senior year.”

The two giggle obnoxiously, swatting at each other's shoulders as Yeonjun takes his phone call. A few moments pass before they calm down and Soobin glances over his shoulder, surprised to see that Yeonjun isn't there anymore. “Where’d he go?” he asks Hoseok who points towards his bedroom with a pinched expression.

Soobin pushes off the couch and heads in the same direction, a sly grin on his face, “He’s not getting off that easy.”

He reaches the door and twists the knob, opening the door to reveal Yeonjun... changing?

“No, hyung, it’s fine. I really don’t mind,” he says, phone thrown on his bed, as he tugs off his shirt to pull on one he usually wears to practice. “I’ll be there in 10.”

 Jin’s voice comes crackling through the speaker, “Yeonjun-ah, I hope you don’t feel like you have to come-”

“-I know, I know. But I’m not doing anything today anyways.”

“Well, thanks for giving up your off day for the team,” Yeonjun grunts in acknowledgement as he shimmies out of his pajamas pants and into his practice shorts. “See you soon," the phone clicks as Jin disconnects the call.

Yeonjun spins around to grab his bag from the front of his bed and finds Soobin in the doorway with his brows knotted, “Oh shit! Baby, you scared me.”

“What are you doing?” Soobin asks, even though it’s painfully obvious.

He’s getting ready to leave.

“Oh, um, Jin hyung called,” Yeonjun begins, picking up his practice bag and double checking that his shoes and knee pads are inside, “And said that they were doing a practice match with Yonsei today.” Soobin doesn’t say anything so the elder continues, grabbing his water bottle from his nightstand to also throw in his bag, “But Seonghwa can’t make it to practice today so-”

“He asked if you could fill in,” Soobin finishes his sentence in a tone that makes Yeonjun look up from his task.

“Yeah... And, well, I told him that I could since-”

“What about our date?”

Yeonjun is taken aback by the question, “What about it?”

“What do you mean ‘What about it’?” Soobin sounds as if he’s in disbelief and Yeonjun is thoroughly confused.

Yeonjun hoists his bag onto his shoulder, glancing at his phone to see it’s only 5 pm, “I’ll be home by 9. We can eat and watch our movie then.”

Soobin stands there, expression unreadable as he says almost robotically, “But today is Saturday.”

“Yeah... It is,” Yeonjun agrees, head tilting, mouth pursing as his patience starts to dwindle, “Why are you telling me this?”

His boyfriend pauses, eyes sweeping across his room then meeting him again, switches his weight from leg to leg, “Because Saturday is our day.”

“Yeah, baby, it is. That’s why when I come home-”

“You shouldn’t be leaving at all.”

Yeonjun stiffens, brow quirking upwards, “What?”

“Saturdays are for us and us only. Not volleyball, or work, or school, or anything-”

There’s a lot of things that Yeonjun can tolerate when it comes to Soobin.

Being told what he’s allowed to do is not one of them.

“I can’t control other people’s actions, Soobin,” Yeonjun scoffs, astounded by the younger’s audacity, “It’s not my fault that Seonghwa can’t show up to practice today.”

“But you didn’t have to say yes.”

Yeonjun says through gritted teeth, agitation straining his words, “Soobin, I got into this school on a sports scholarship. Jin hyung is the coach who hired me. I can’t just brush him off because I want to slack off. When he calls, I come. It’s that simple.”

“Yeonjun, I haven’t seen you all week.”

“We’ve been together since last night.”

“So?”

“So what more could you want?”

"I don't know, geez, maybe my boyfriend's attention for one goddamn day." They glare at each other and Yeonjun’s heart is in his throat for whatever reason and it’s so frustrating because he wants to be angry, but all he can hear is the betrayal in Soobin’s voice when he speaks again, “I don’t understand why you said yes.”

"It's not like I have much choice," Yeonjun snaps pointedly, “Not all of us can afford to do what we want, y'know?”

“What did you just say?” Soobin hisses, eyes narrowing, “What the hell are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, Soobin,” Yeonjun spits back, “I’m telling you that I can’t just blow off my responsibilities because my daddy is paying for it.”

Soobin’s mouth opens into a loose ‘o’ shape then he laughs, but it's not a laugh at all, it's more like a painful choking noise, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding-”

“Look, I need to go before I’m late,” Yeonjun doesn’t feel like dragging this conversation out any further, “Can you let me out?”

Soobin doesn’t move, “Are you even hearing yourself?”

Yeonjun steps forward, coming toe to toe with his boyfriend whose face is etched with an expression Yeonjun’s never seen before and he forces himself not to analyze it, “Yes, I am, but it still seems like you aren’t. Why are you being so dramatic? I’ll literally be back in a few hours.”

“I can’t believe you-”

“Get out of my way!”

Soobin blinks in shock when he registers that Yeonjun actually yelled at him. He doesn’t even say anything in response, just turns on his heel and goes into the living room. The apartment is dead quiet and Yeonjun knows that Hoseok and Yoongi have heard everything, but all he can focus on is the fact that Soobin is snatching his hoodie off of the back of the couch and yanking it down over his head, not even properly adjusting the hood. He lifts up the couch cushions until he finds his phone then loops around the couch, lips trembling.

“What are you doing?” Yeonjun demands to know, blocking Soobin’s path when he realizes that he’s going to the door.

Soobin takes a deep breath, exhaling so slow that Yeonjun’s fist clenches impatiently, “Going home.”

“Are you serious?” Yeonjun asks incredulously. “Why can't you just wait for me? You’re acting like a real brat-”

“I guess that’s what people do when their dads pay for everything, huh?” Soobin jeers and Yeonjun’s stomach drops as he takes in what is happening.

“Soobin, fuck, I didn’t-”

“You know what, Yeonjun? I think you did,” Soobin shakes his head, a bitter smile forcing his lips up, eyes welling, “Do yourself a favor and save your breath.”

Yeonjun drops his bag, hands reaching for his boyfriend’s face, “No, baby, I’m sorry,” his thumbs brush against the younger’s cheeks as he tries to calm himself down enough to think past his own anger, to hear past his own roaring heart, “I just meant-”

“I don’t want to hear it! Just go! Go to your stupid practice since it's so goddamn important,” he yanks his head out of Yeonjun’s grasp, stepping away until his knees hit the couch, voice warbling.

Yeonjun’s heart feels like it’s being compressed in his chest, and if it wasn’t for his pride, he probably would’ve dropped to his knees and begged Soobin to forgive him.

But he doesn’t. Instead he crouches down, places his bag strap on his shoulder, stands back up, all while tears trickle from Soobin’s doe eyes onto his cheeks, down his chin. He doesn’t attempt to close the distance and wipe the tears that fall. Rather, he turns, takes his key from it’s hanging spot on the wall and leaves. 

However, unlike every other time Yeonjun’s anger consumes him, his thoughts are quiet afterwards. There is no voice yelling at him; nothing questioning his existence, his imperfections; no one to belittle him.

Because Soobin quieted them; he forced all of Yeonjun’s insecurities to be silent. He taught him that he was worth it, that he deserved love and joy and attention. He gave Yeonjun what he could never find on his own.

Peace.

Somehow knowing that this peace and quiet was granted to him by the very man he just walked away from is what brings Yeonjun to his knees outside of the gym doors.

As tears streak down on his face, all he can think about is the fact that he thought he’d grown, thought that he’d made progress, but he hasn’t. He’s still the same scared selfish boy who gets so obsessed with what other people think that he forgets who he should be trying to impress.

So he cries until his tear ducts are empty, until his body is spent, until his mind has turned to mush.

Then steps onto the court to lose himself some more.

Chapter Text

“Second tempo!” Yoongi calls out, whistle pinched in his fingertips. 

Beomgyu falls back into position, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow, “Yes sir!”

Yoongi launches the ball over the net from the opposite side and Kai receives it with perfect control. It flies through the air to land in Soobin’s hands that then set the ball in an arch Beomgyu’s direction. There’s a slight delay, just like Yoongi ordered, and then Beomgyu jumps, slamming the ball back to Yoongi's side of the court. 

"Next group," Yoongi simply says and the three swap positions with others on the sidelines. "Here you go," he tosses the ball over the net as soon as everyone's in position in the attack row.

"Mine," Jeongin announces, cupping his hands together and lowering to receive. "Hyun-"

"Yeonjun, set," Yoongi commands and Jeongin obeys, redirecting the ball to Yeonjun who slightly growls. 

Yeonjun jogs a bit to place himself underneath the ball from Jeongin and sets it to Taehyun, making sure to keep the strength in his fingertips like he was taught. Taehyun exclaims when the ball hits the air, "Got it!"

Taehyun squats down after the ball is set, arm extending, then pushes upwards. His waist becomes level to Kai's shoulders and Yeonjun praises Taehyun without needing prompting, "Good air Hyun-ah!" 

Soobin has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from commending Yeonjun for the put up. 

They haven’t exactly been on speaking terms since their argument over the weekend. Or texting terms. Or any terms to be completely honest.

Saturday night after Soobin stormed home, he stayed up until four am, waiting for a text, a call, a Facetime, a knock on his door. 

It never came. 

Then one day stretched to three then to five and now it was Friday night and the couple had barely uttered a word outside of practice to one another.

The impact of the ball on the court brings Soobin back to reality. “That was good, that was good. Let’s try to do an attack pipeline. I want Kai on the back row for this one. Yeah, just like that. Soobin can you- yeah that’s perfect. Yeonjun directly in front- yup. Alright let’s start.”

Soobin was determined not to give in, no matter how much it hurt not to speak to the elder each day. Yeonjun owed him an apology because he left him all alone on a day that he’d promised would be his.

And Yeonjun never breaks his promises.

Except he did this time.

Not to mention he blatantly disrespected Soobin’s work ethic, as if he wasn’t aware of how much Soobin sacrificed for his grades and career, as if he wasn't his shoulder to cry on whenever the stress became too overwhelming on his own. He crossed a line and Soobin couldn't let him just go on like nothing happened, not now.

An hour and a half passes before Yoongi finally relents, clapping at their efforts, “That’s enough for tonight. Good work everyone. Start cooling down and cleaning up; see you on Monday and be ready for serving drills.”

The team gathers on the sidelines, breaking into their usual stretch and cool down routine. But, as per routine of this week in particular, Soobin excuses himself to go straight to the locker rooms. 

On Monday Soobin learned the hard way that if he stayed with the rest of the team to stretch, he would spend most of the time staring at Yeonjun, waiting for something in his expression to show remorse or sadness or some kind of emotion. But Yeonjun wouldn’t even spare him a glance and Soobin quickly found that situation even more excruciating than before. Now that he’s learned his lesson, he’s resorted to cooling down in the locker room alone, away from watching eyes and Yeonjun's dumb face. His after practice routine currently consists of standing under the shower head until he’s pruny, and then throwing on whatever random sweatshirt he’d worn that morning and rushing back out the gym door before anyone can ask him to come to dinner. It’s childish, but he does it nonetheless to keep from breaking down every time he sees his boyfriend acting like a total stranger. He turns the shower knob to scalding hot, strips down then steps inside, scrubbing hard as though it could wash away his pain too.

Back in the gym, his team breaks into conversation about the elephant in the room for the first time this week. “Do you guys know what’s going on with Soobin hyung?” Taehyun asks quietly, groaning as he reaches for his toes. 

Kai pouts slightly, arms windmilling beside his body, “No, but he hasn’t been doing his streaks and we had 81 days-”

“You’re worried about streaks when Taehyun-ah literally just asked if something is wrong with Soobin hyung?” Jeongin gapes at the shaggy haired freshman who babbles an apology, head bowing repeatedly. “You amaze me, do you know that?”

“I’ve been worried too,” Beomgyu admits, right arm pulled across his chest. “Technically Kai brings up a good point though: hyung doesn’t do anything anymore. Aside from going to class and coming to practice, hyung just... I don’t even know what he does.”

“On Thursdays we normally go to that cafe down the street to get coffee and study together, but this week he was late and then he just sat there, staring at the same page for like 10 minutes before apologizing and leaving. It’s weird,” Taehyun frowns, a distant look in his eye as he reflects. “Do you think he’s sick?”

“No way,” Jeongin dismisses the suggestion immediately, “He hasn’t done that before when he’s gotten sick and it’s getting hot again so that wouldn't make sense.”

Kai hums, mouth twisting to the side as he thinks, “Maybe it’s because of finals. Isn’t this his last semester?”

A small, sharp inhale causes everyone’s eyes to shift to the atypically quiet junior in their group.

“You’ve been quiet,” Beomgyu observes, staring down his nose at Yeonjun, “Do you know what’s wrong with Soobin hyung?”

“Who says there is?” Yeonjun answers nonchalantly, feigning indifference so obviously that everyone collectively shares a look of uncertainty.

Beomgyu scoffs, “All of us. Something happened and, with the way that you’re acting, it was your fault.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“So what happened?”

“Have you tried asking him yourself?” Yeonjun bites back too quickly to seem as unbothered as he’s attempting.

Beomgyu tsks, shifting his position to another stretch, “I’d start talking if I were you.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s whatever you think it is.”

Yeonjun raises to his feet so that he is eye level with the sophomore, “I don’t think you want to go there with me.”

Beomgyu squares his shoulders, not backing down, but it’s clear in the way a tremor runs through his body that he’s intimidated. Jeongin steps closer as Taehyun also stands up from his floor stretch, disliking the way Yeonjun’s hands curl into tight fists. The tension between them is stifling, suffocating even. Kai turns to check for Yoongi only to see that the elder had left without them realizing.

“I’m just worried, Yeonjun,” Beomgyu cracks first, still maintaining eye contact, despite stepping back to distance himself. 

Yeonjun challenges, expression dark, “You think I’m not?”

“You’re sure as hell not acting like it. If you actually cared about Soobin, you would’ve-”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t care about,” Yeonjun growls but Beomgyu is unphased.

He just laughs, humorless and mocking, “See, this. This is what I tried to tell him about; You’re an asshole. You only care about yourself. You only joined intramural because Coach Kim wanted you to; even now, you’re only playing because it’d make you look bad if you left before Spring Nationals,” He points an accusing finger, voice raising, “Let me guess. You don’t even like Soobin, do you? You just needed to look like a good guy, like you actually weren't the same piece of shit as before. So what did you do? You saw that Soobin was a sweet, clean cut, straight A, captain of a volleyball team with a bright future and pounced. Before you, Soobin had never had doubts about law school, or his degree choice, or taking over his father’s company. Now, it feels like every day he’s questioning his future, his dreams, arguing with his family, avoiding people, abandoning things he loves. It’s so unlike him, so different. But you know what’s the same? Well do you? I’ll tell you: he always mentions,” Beomgyu emphasizes his words with a hiss, “ you. You are ruining his life. You are the reason he’s sad right now. It’s all your fault. Are you happy now? Oh, now you want to be quiet? What happened to big, bad Choi Yeon-”

In the blink of an eye, Yeonjun grips a handful of Beomgyu’s shirt and yanks him in causing Beomgyu’s shoes to drag across the laminate floor loudly, the squeaks filling the silence that engulfs the group of boys. No one moves except Yeonjun whose chest is heaving, left hand shaking at his side as he twists the bunch of fabric tight, pulling Beomgyu close enough to see the blown out blacks of his pupils, “You’re so fucking lucky that you’re related to Soobin.” With that, he abruptly shoves the sophomore away, so forcefully that he skids across the court, catching and tearing his skin on the grooves between the flooring.

At the same moment, Soobin emerges from the doorway of the locker room, eyes widening in horror at the scene. Yeonjun doesn’t notice, all of his attention is narrowed in on the scrambling sophomore trying to recover from the throw, “Soobin is the only person who gets me, the only person who doesn’t put words in my mouth, the only person who sees how much I’m trying to change. He is also the only reason I’m going to let you get away with this bullshit because he would hate me more than he does right now if I hurt you. Besides, I don’t have to waste my energy justifying my love for Soobin to anyone but him. I also don’t have to tell you the things he tells me because they’re for us and us only. You were right about one thing though,” He doesn’t move from his position as Jeongin dives to Beomgyu’s side to help him up, “I only played on this team because it would have looked bad if I stopped. But you. You just made it ten times easier for me to walk away.” 

And Soobin only sees Yeonjun make it halfway to the door before the nausea hits. It forces him to stumble back into the locker room and double over the toilet in a cramped stall, clutching his sides as each tremor rips another cry out.

But, for the first time in months, Yeonjun isn’t there to comfort him.

Chapter Text

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Yoongi asks through the bedroom door for the fourth time this morning. "... I think it would mean a lot-"

"I have varsity practice today," Yeonjun lies into his pillow because it's easier that way.

Yoongi doesn't speak for a moment and then, "We're going to be at Korea University. In the stadium. It's dead set in the middle of campus, you can't miss it, dome glass building. First match starts at 10."

Yeonjun doesn't know why Yoongi is bothering to tell him any of this, "Okay... Good luck." He listens to Yoongi's heavy footsteps then the sound of the front door opening and closing before he sits up. 

Today is the intramural Spring Nationals Tournament.

It also marks an entire month since he and Soobin have spoken.

Yeonjun thought that Soobin would come around eventually, that he would show up at one of his classes and demand to talk, that he would end up at the restaurant during one of Yeonjun's shifts and hug him and tell him that he forgave him.

But he didn't. After Yeonjun decided to quit intramural and stop coming to practice, Soobin began avoiding him entirely. The rare glimpses he caught of him were by chance. The last time he'd see his boyfriend (if he could even call him that anymore) for longer than a minute was a few days after he'd fully rejoined varsity. His hair was a tangled mess, his clothes mismatched and his eyes bloodshot, mouth set in a semi permanent frown. Yeonjun was no better off; he'd been losing sleep, driving himself into the ground by trying to stay impossibly busy with practice, school, and work to prevent time for reflection. 

They were only starting warm ups when the raven haired male entered the gym so it was inevitable that the two would make eye contact. And they did. 

Yeonjun doesn't know what being shot feels like, but he assumes that it's similar to the searing agony he felt when Soobin's eyes didn't glimmer at him for the first time. It was as if they were unseeing, a dull, muddy brown, unfocused and clouded over. Yeonjun waited for the sparkle to return, for the quirk of the corner of his lips, for ‘babe’ to slip through his lips.

It never came.

Soobin was the first to look away, approaching Jin with a fake smile that made Yeonjun's stomach cramp. He'd said something that made Jin glance at Yeonjun who quickly dropped his own gaze, pretending to be immersed in studying the stitches of the volleyball in his hands. The murmuring went on a little while longer before Jin called for Felix.

They're... replacing me?

None of the team attempted to contact him in the week after his resignation. No one begged him to return, or asked why he left, or tried to contact him just to say hello. So it shouldn't have been a surprise that they were planning on finding a new teammate. But Yeonjun was still in shock.

He never thought that they would just... let him leave.

He watched, his brain full of static and noise, as Felix made his way over to Soobin and Jin, smiling all broad and excited like he already knew what was happening. Before Soobin could even finish asking him, Felix was nodding, hands clapping with anticipation, and Soobin's lips tugged into a ghost of his smile.

Yeonjun left practice immediately.

An hour of sulking passes before Yeonjun slips out of bed with the intention of eating breakfast and returning to his sheets to continue his personal pity party. He heads out of his room and shifts into the kitchen. He finds a note along with some pancakes that Yoongi must have made him before he left. On the note the address for the stadium and time is scribbled down yet again. 

He pushes the note away from his plate and instead grabs a fork out of a drawer. He begins to eat the now cold pancakes, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram, when a picture of a volleyball court catches his attention.

Taehyun posted it less than five minutes ago with the caption, 'there's no place like home.' 

For an undetermined amount of time, Yeonjun stares at it. 

In the upper right hand corner, half of Soobin's body appears. His left arm is pressed tightly across his stomach, cupping his right elbow awkwardly. His right hand is tightly gripping his shorts, his nervous tick captured in action. His smile doesn't reach his eyes, just lifts up the corners of his lips in the slightest. His slender physique is curled inwards and to the side, as if he really didn’t want to be in the picture at all but Taehyun had forced him in.

Snapshots of late night calls, feet tangled in Soobin’s sheets, soft breathing, quiet promises, warm kisses flood his synapses. He recalls the gentle rocking of Soobin's lips against his, the way Soobin’s hands dwarfed his own whenever they interlocked, the steady look Soobin gave Yeonjun whenever he was telling a joke or story that he was excited about. A highlight reel of study sessions and team dinners and lunch date meet ups start to play and for some reason it's the last straw.

His eyes dart up to the top of his phone.

9:50.

Yeonjun abandons his breakfast, rushing to his room to change. He pulls on a random pair of joggers but hesitates when he realizes that he's wearing a shirt he'd stolen from Soobin's drawers one night when he wasn't looking months prior. He decides to leave it on, whisking to his bathroom to apply deodorant and brush his teeth. He's not sure why he's in such a rush but it feels like everything around him is screaming that he has to move now, now, NOW. His eyes drift to the clock on his nightstand.

9:57.

He shoves his feet into his tennis shoes, barely spending time lacing them up, and pockets his phone and the note from the kitchen counter. He tries to calmly walk to the door but it turns into a jog instead. He locks the front door and then he's jogging down the stairs but it's all too slow. 

He's too slow. 

He breaks into a run once his shoes hit pavement.

He uncrumples the note, typing the address into his phone.

10:05.

It says it's a 20 minute walk.

Yeonjun makes it in ten.

He's racing through the Korea University campus, out of breath, sweaty, and it isn't until he reaches the doors of the gym that he realizes he has no clue why he's there.

He enters anyway.

It’s packed. The stadium is filled with fans from all of the competing schools, staff tables, relentless recruiters and news stations. Only two courts are set up since there are nine provinces total, each having competed for bracket placement during state. The first set of competing brackets are already well underway. A quick survey of the teams on the floor and he knows that Seoul isn’t up yet. He checks his phone for the time.

10:20.

He starts to zip through the bleachers, jumping over feet, maneuvering past people and poles and anything and everything in his way. The entire time his eyes are scanning the court, looking for SNU’s white and blue uniforms, for Soobin’s lanky form, for Beomgyu’s blonde hair, for Kai's obnoxious squeals. He’s dripping sweat at this point, his palms slick and slippery whenever he grabs a pole to abruptly turn or scour his surrounding area and he's starting to feel like he's going insane, like he's in the wrong place entirely. 

But he finds them, at the far opposite end of the entrance, huddled in a circle with Yoongi off to the side, paper flailing in his hands as he argues with a referee about something. Yeonjun races to the edge of the bleachers that connect to the wall, then takes the stairs down two at a time until he’s leaning over the raised railing and yelling, “Soobin! Soobin! Soobin-ah!”

At first the junior looks up, confusion lacing his features, head twisting left and right, scanning his team for who's making such a racket.

Yeonjun keeps screaming, even when the people sitting down on either side of his shoot him nasty looks and mutter amongst themselves, “Bin! Bin-ah! Bin baby!” When their eyes lock, Yeonjun’s chest constricts with longing, and suffering, and ohmygod I’m such a fucking idiot for walking away, “ Soobin I love you!” Soobin’s eyebrows furrow causing Beomgyu who was directly in front of him to shift to see what he’s staring at but Yeonjun doesn’t care, “I love you and I’m so stupid, so fucking dumb! I should have just told Jin hyung no! You matter more to me than- than- than anything! No matter how much I play, it still hurts! I’m never proud of my progress anymore! I can't even sleep without you! I haven't been able to focus! I don’t-”

Soobin’s mouth moves, and Yeonjun strains his eyes, squinting to make out what the younger is saying, “You left me.”

“Because I’m an idiot!” Yeonjun’s screams so hard, so impossibly loud, that his face goes pink with the effort. Yoongi stops his own rant to look at his younger brother in shock. “I’m an asshole who wanted everything done my way, but I realized it doesn’t matter if you’re not there. Nothing matters if you’re not there, Soobin. I love you- No- I’m- I’m in love with you!” Soobin starts running to the bleachers and Yeonjun can’t stop rambling, relief shaking him to his core for finally letting it out, “I left you when you needed me because I was scared that if I loved you, I would lose me but I don’t care anymore! Choi Soobin, you complete me! I’m so fucking sorry-”

And Soobin’s there, so close yet so far away, the rise of the bleachers creating a distance that neither of them can close, “You hurt me, Yeonjun. You-”

“-I know baby-”

“No!” Soobin shouts and Yeonjun’s mouth runs dry. “Shut up! Just fucking listen to me!” So he does. “... I stayed up for you that night. I waited for you. I’ve always waited for you. From day one, I waited for you to decide to play on intramural, I waited for you to make the first move, I waited for you to open up to me, I waited for you to come back,” Yeonjun’s sure that he's on the verge of a breakdown as the weight of his past actions pressurizes his mind, “But, Yeonjun, I’m not the same person. I can’t wait for you anymore. Do you understand that?”

Yeonjun doesn’t. He doesn’t get it at all, but if Soobin needs him to, he will learn. His voice is hoarse, barely able to reach his regular talking volume anymore, “I think so.”

“If you truly love me, you have to wait for me now,” Soobin wipes his own tears away and for some reason that prompts Yeonjun to cry harder. “If you can’t, just leave for good.”

Yeonjun hates that a part of him is gnashing at the thought of someone else controlling any part of his life. He hates that a small piece of his being will always rebel against what’s expected of him. He wishes that he could stomp it into oblivion, that he could tear it out of his soul and throw it into the garbage, that he could pretend that it did not exist to begin with. But he can’t. That defiant trait is so ingrained in his being that he wouldn’t be Yeonjun without it.

Yet, staring at Soobin, knowing the physical and emotional distance between them, makes him feel like he could overpower it if he tried. So he swallows the lump in his throat, tears threatening to blur Soobin from his vision entirely, “I can wait.”

Soobin keeps him there, waiting for a reply, heart pounding in his ears, blood rushing so loudly that Yeonjun can just barely register that they’re in a stadium of 60,000 people all talking and bustling, “... Okay... Okay, we can talk after the tournament.”

Yeonjun nods desperately, and just before Soobin turns back to face the court, to face his team, he yells with his already shredded vocal chords, “I LOVE YOU CHOI SOOBIN!”

Yeonjun has never been to heaven but something deep within him knows that it’s comparable to the pure, unadulterated euphoria that Soobin’s weak dimpled smile submerges him in.

“I know,” Soobin answers back with a chuckle and Yeonjun is okay with that because he could wait an entire lifetime if it meant that he could see that smile every time he said it.

“Good luck,” Yeonjun adds as he jogs back over to the sidelines.

A buzzer from one of the ongoing games goes off and Yeonjun quickly remembers that this is indeed a tournament. He checks around his immediate vicinity for seating and slips into the closet free spot available. He ignores the looks that the people around him give him and instead watches as the team circles around Yoongi to talk.

He knows that he owes everyone an apology.

Sure, Soobin is his boyfriend and therefore his first priority, but his childish decisions affected the entire team as well. They trained so long and so hard and Yeonjun just up and left them when they needed him most. They had to learn how to operate with yet another new player who didn't know them or their skill level anymore. It must have been hard.

So Yeonjun spends the rest of the first round rehearsing his apology to each of the members on the team. It’s hard and uncomfortable and Yeonjun can think of a million different things he’d rather be doing right now, but he knows that it’s the first thing that Soobin would want.

By the time that he’s done, he’s no longer crying and his headache has subsided into something more bearable. He tries to enjoy the other matches to keep from watching Soobin on the sidelines like a total stalker. The competition is cut throat, the pressure building with each match point, each penalty, each cry of victory or sorrow. All Yeonjun can do is hope that SNU will rise to the top.

“Last, but not least, we have our reigning victors for the past four years, Tongwon University, against our first time rookies hailing from Seoul National University.”

The stadium goes into an uproar, Yeonjun jumping to his feet, arms shooting straight up as he cheers for his team with all his heart. The two teams shake hands and bow then split off to their respective sides of the court. Their starting formation is a solid one to begin with and Yeonjun finds himself getting out of his seat to have a better view of the court. He winds up back against the railing and doesn’t hesitate to say when the crowd finally goes quiet, “No matter what happens I’m so proud of you!”

They all turn and Yeonjun spots Kai giving him the tiniest smile, which he’s okay with because if he can learn to wait for Soobin, he can learn to wait for the rest of them too.

Beomgyu steps out of bounds, ball in hand, and takes a deep breath. He bounces the ball twice, then holds it chest level, eyes trained straight ahead. Then it flies up, up, up and he barely taps it, sending a heavy topspin serve to start off the final bracket match. It’s so silent that a pin could drop so when Yeonjun hears the opposing team shout that it’s out, his adrenaline spikes, and he shifts his eyes from the ball back to Beomgyu who’s already staring at him with a smirk.

Because he knows it’s in. 

A whistle cuts through the air and then, “One point for SNU.”

“NICE ACE, GYU!” Yeonjun shouts, laughing loud and unabashed.

And he knows that it will take time for old wounds to heal, for trust to be rebuilt, but when Beomgyu shoots him a cheesy finger heart and wink, Yeonjun knows that he can still come back home.

Chapter Text

“You what?” his dad’s face seems to take over his entire screen, leaning in closer as if it will change what he’s heard.

Yeonjun’s hand gently squeezes Soobin’s, a quiet encouragement out of frame as he repeats, “I... I gave Beomgyu the legal rights to my position.”

Soobin tries to remember how long he’s waited for this. 

It must have been years now. It all started in middle school when Felix showed up at his house, drenched in sweat and holding a beat up volleyball. He bounced on his toes, a giddy dance, and demanded that Soobin help him practice his sets. Soobin didn’t even know what a set was, let alone how to properly play volleyball, but Felix was so excited and Soobin found himself scrambling up the stairs to tug on his tennis shoes. When he went outside, Felix was tossing the ball up, up, up and Soobin wondered if the ball was scared to be that high. Felix told him that the ball wanted to go even higher, but he wasn’t good enough to do it yet.

Soobin played with Felix until their forearms were bright red and tender, until they were out of breath and giggling and so happy because they passed the ball between each other three times without dropping it. After the sun went down, both of their moms came out and forced them inside for dinner, but Soobin was far from done. For two weeks straight, he pestered his mom for a volleyball of his own; she caved in after one particularly pitiful tantrum. Soobin would stay up late at night, just laying in bed, hands learning every curve, stitch and weave of the ball as he threw it up, up, up, hoping that one day he could make it go as high as it wanted. Whenever his dad made him sit in on meetings, he’d hold the ball in his lap and stare at it until he was forced to answer a question or pay attention.

He joined the volleyball team his last year of middle school, quickly climbing the ranks to captain. It spilled over into high school where he would stay in the gym long after his teammates and see how long he could keep the ball in play with himself. His coach had mentioned that he should try out for the teams of the school’s he was applying to, but he knew his dad wouldn’t approve. So instead Soobin only applied to schools that had intramural teams. He spent his final months of high school practicing sets every night, watching the volleyball fly up, up, up and before he knew it he was in college. His love for volleyball had infiltrated every part of his life without him realizing and then competition happened.

“I’m sure that this was not in your plans. But here’s my card,” the recruiter held the small rectangle between them, smile sincere and full of hope. Soobin took the card in two hands, still dripping sweat from the very game that had ended in the first win of Spring Nationals in SNU intramural history. “And we can meet whenever you would like to talk about it.”

Soobin replays the interaction over and over again these days, unable to wrap his mind around the offer. His dad brings him back to reality with a stunned, “Why?”

Soobin has spent the last few days preparing himself for this very question, “Because I don’t want to run this firm. I don’t like business, or finance, or law, or any of this; I like- I love volleyball. And I know this isn’t what you wanted for me,” he glances at his mom in the corner of the screen whose knuckles have gone white from clutching onto her own hands tightly, “But it’s what I want. I’m... I accepted an offer to play for the national volleyball team. I start training this fall.” It feels so good to say it, to hear the confirmation from his own mouth. “Besides, Beomgyu loves this firm with all his heart. He enjoys his management classes, and he even wants to double major in Finance and Information Tech. He’s made for this lifestyle; you’ve said it yourself multiple times,” Soobin smiles at his younger cousin, sitting sheepishly to his left on screen, “He’ll be done with school in two years so it gives the firm an opportunity to reconfigure whatever documentation is necessary, allows for you to make announcements to the employees that will be affected and to begin the training for his position over the legal department.”

His dad just stares, astonished, and Soobin’s stomach does a flip to his throat, “You’ve really gone off the deep end.”

Six months ago, Soobin would have agreed. He would’ve backed down, would’ve apologized for being so foolish and ignorant to even suggest such a thing. He would’ve opened his books and continued to read about Moore’s Law until his brain was overloaded. He would’ve kept going to meetings and conferences and exchanging financial stats to any future investors without a single complaint.

But it’s not six months ago. 

It’s now and Soobin just laughs, a bittersweet smile forming on his lips, “If that makes this any easier, then sure I have.” Absently Soobin thinks back to what pushed him to make this decision, to tell his parents his truth.

After receiving the massive championship trophy and individual medallions, the team happily rushed to Yoongi’s restaurant and proceeded to get absolutely smashed. They drank and ate and cried and laughed until they eventually passed out at the dinner table. Hoseok and Yeonjun decided to go to the apartment upstairs to grab whatever extra blankets they had lying around so the rest of the team wouldn’t wake up cold while Soobin and Yoongi watched the city lights outside of the restaurant's storefront.

Yoongi, still nursing a bottle of soju, quietly remarked, “The recruiter, Hyunwoo, that gave you that card... He came to my final matches too. He’s a great guy, persistent, but great. You should be proud of yourself for getting his attention; it’s not easy.” 

“Thank you hyung,” Soobin replied, face tinting a deeper shade of red from the compliment and alcohol, “I’m still in shock, I think. It doesn’t feel real.” His hand dropped to his pocket to check if the outline of the card was still in his pocket. It was. “I dreamed of this for so long.”

“... Are you gonna take it?”

“What?”

“The offer. Are you gonna say yes?”

Soobin’s heart sank to his stomach as he confronted the question for what felt like the millionth time tonight, “I... I don’t know,” he hiccupped then looked away, unable to hold Yoongi’s analyzing gaze, “Hyung... If you don’t mind me asking... Why didn't you join the team?”

“Mmm,” the older hummed, sucking air through his teeth the same way Yeonjun did whenever he’s considering a question, “I wanted to follow my heart. And I realized that my heart was wherever Hoseok was.”

As if on cue, Hoseok and Yeonjun re-entered the restaurant, the bells on the door chiming softly. They worked in tandem, Yeonjun taking plates and cups off to the kitchen to clean while Hoseok carefully draped blankets over the sleeping boys.

“You really love him,” Soobin meant to ask, but it came out as a statement.

Yoongi didn’t disagree, “Hoseok had already accepted a position as a choreographer with a local talent agency. When I found out that I’d be on the road during most of the season, I knew I would have to make a choice between Hoseok and volleyball,” he turns from Soobin to study Hoseok as he gingerly removes a soju bottle from Kai’s grasp and tosses it to Yeonjun to throw away, “So I chose what made me happy, no matter if I won or lost... After that I decided to pursue a dream I had abandoned after everyone told me to stick with what I was good at: cooking. And it turned out better than I could have imagined,” he smiled faintly, gesturing to the very restaurant they sat in.

As sweet as it sounded, the story didn’t settle the waves of anxiety rippling through Soobin. “How do you know you made the right decision?” Soobin whispered as if he was afraid of the words themselves, pupils blown wide with worry, heartbeat accelerating.

 “Ah,” Yoongi seemed to understand the real question Soobin was wrestling with, taking his time to answer, bottleneck twirling between his fingers. Soobin felt like he was on the brink of hyperventilating when Yoongi finally spoke, “Well you don’t... You’ll never know until you’re looking back years later. So you just choose wherever your heart is now. Choose what makes you smile even when things aren’t going right, what gives you energy, what keeps you going every day. And then you live one day at a time.”

Before Soobin could ask any more questions, Yeonjun approached from the kitchen, lips curved in a tentative smile. His hands fiddled with his bright yellow dishwashing gloves and his usual sharp scan was softened, “I... I left some clothes upstairs on the bed if you wanted... wanted to take a shower.”

Yeonjun was different. He looked more tired than Soobin remembered from two months ago, like he had been dragged through hell and back. His smiles were less bright, his laughter toned down, his posture more uncertain. He was not the same anymore. But Soobin had done a fair bit of changing himself so it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. “... Thanks,” Soobin breathlessly answered, a slight delay in his actions, “I appreciate it.”

“When I finish washing up, I’ll meet you there to talk... I-If that’s okay with you.”

Soobin was nodding before Yeonjun was even done speaking, “Yeah... Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you.”

He bowed to Yoongi when he stood, thanking him for the meal, and the elder just smiled knowingly. Soobin then stumbled up the stairs, half drunk, half embarrassed, itching with anticipation at the conversation to come. 

As he stood under the shower head, hot water cascading over his sore muscles, scrubbing his hair with Yeonjun’s shampoo, he knew what his choice was too. 

“Don’t worry; you won’t have to pay for anything else. I’ll be done with classes next week and I’ve already moved out of the apartment you bought me for school,” Soobin says when several moments of silence pass. “You guys have taken care of me all this time and I’m really grateful. I hope that you’ll forgive me soon. I just need to follow my heart for once.” Yeonjun squeezes Soobin’s hand again, and Beomgyu nods his head supportively from his other side. “I’ll be here whenever you want to talk, but just know that my mind won’t change... I love you guys.” Neither of his parents move but he powers on, “Goodbye.”

The moment he hangs up, Yeonjun is pulling him into a hug, planting loud and wet kisses all over his face, “I’m so proud of you, baby!”

Beomgyu gags loudly and dramatically causing Jeongin to slap his thigh, “Ouch!”

“Leave them alone,” Jeongin scolds him and Beomgyu breaks into a pout that the other is quick to kiss away, “I can’t believe you’re gonna be a, like, big business guy.”

“Yes because that sounds so impressive,” Soobin teases and Beomgyu can’t help laughing, pinching Jeongin’s cheek affectionately.

Yeonjun continues to press his lips over every inch of Soobin’s face, the noises impossibly louder every time, “And my baby is gonna be playing for the nation. How,” he begins to punctuate every word with a kiss, “Did. I. Get. So. Lucky?”

Soobin is a blushing, giggling mess at this point, but he doesn’t complain. Instead he willingly turns his head whenever Yeonjun tilts it, enjoying the attention, “I’m the lucky one.”

And he means it. 

When Soobin came to Yeonjun about how his new job would affect their relationship, he was nervous that the change would scare the older away. 

“I will be in Seoul during our off season so about six months out of the year, but when we’re in competition season, I’ll be all across the country and sometimes overseas,” Soobin had quietly explained, the same contract papers he’d been meticulously highlighting and analyzing since his meeting with Hyunwoo earlier that week now spread across Yeonjun and Yoongi’s apartment dining table.

Yeonjun simply stared down at the papers, eyes barely skimming each document before meeting Soobin’s, “Okay... Now can we go eat?”

Soobin blinked multiple times, clearly caught off guard, “Yeah, I mean we can, but I wanted to make sure this was fine-”

“Bin, when I said I would wait, that meant for the rest of our relationship. If following your dream means that I have to suck it up every few months until I can hold you again then I’ll wait. Okay?” Soobin lets out a weird choking noise and suddenly Yeonjun’s on his feet, hand cupping his cheek, thumb swiping away a tear that Soobin didn’t realize he’d made, “Baby! What’s wrong? Why are you crying-”

Soobin forwent the answer to pull the elder closer, lips crashing desperately onto Yeonjun’s, teeth clashing from the abruptness. He kissed him, slow and deep and passionate, until their lips bruised, until they were gasping for breath, until they somehow wound up in Yeonjun’s bed, shirts off, skin sliding against each other’s, until they were drunk on love and understanding and so much happiness that Soobin thought he would explode.

“Yah!” Yoongi calls from the kitchen, glaring at the couples on his couch, “None of that. If you’re gonna make out in my house at least have the decency to do it out of sight.”

The group breaks into obnoxious laughter, all backing away from their respective partners to prevent further reprimanding.

“Sorry hyung,” Soobin apologizes but it’s not convincing. 

Yeonjun sticks his tongue out at his brother as he lifts away from Soobin, “You’re just jealous because Kai is sick and Hoseokie hyung-”

“Soobin, if you prefer your boyfriend without a skewer in his side, I’d suggest you leave now,” Yoongi threatens, waving a skewer in their direction.

Soobin does his best to hide his smile, nodding eagerly, “Yes, yes, we’re leaving right now. Everyone, let’s gooo.”

The four friends manage to make it out of the door before disintegrating into loud, carefree laughter again. They all head down to the street then split their separate ways, Soobin calling a taxi for the couple to head deeper in the city.

Hyunwoo had helped Soobin secure an apartment in the nicer part of town ahead of time since his lease at his old apartment came up in May rather than August when he was officially starting his contract with the team. It was bare bones, consisting of a mattress on the floor and a semi stocked fridge, but it was Soobin’s and that’s all that mattered.

When they arrive at his place, Yeonjun makes a show of falling onto the bed, narrowly missing the edge, the dull thump of his head hitting the floor next to the bed sending Soobin into another fit of giggles. 

“Come hereeee,” he whines, rubbing his head with a rather adorable pout.

“You’re spoiled,” Soobin concludes but closes the distance anyway, trying to swallow down his laughter. He kneels above Yeonjun, hands planted on either side of his head, knees on either side of his waist.

“Your fault. Kiss me?” Yeonjun puckers his lips and Soobin can’t even pretend to be upset.

“Gladly.”