Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Locked.

At 9am on a Wednesday morning Yeonjun found himself on the wrong side of a locked door. On the other side, his physics exam. On this side, a slowly rising tide of panic in his chest.

He pulls out his phone, shooting a desperate text to his friend in the lecture hall. No answer — of course. Class started ten minutes ago, which means Beomgyu was probably well on his way to flunking. At least he's taking the exam. Frustrated, Yeonjun pulled at his vivid blue hair, eyes glancing around the mostly deserted hall, not sure what he was looking for. It wasn't like a window would suddenly appear in the wall that would let him sneak in.

But maybe there was hope, because something else> did appear. Or should he say someone.

Approaching at a rapid pace was a tall boy and clutched in his hands was a thick stack of paper. Interesting. Feigning a casual posture by the door, Yeonjun’s tone was smooth as the other boy reached toward the lecture hall door. “It’s locked.”

Startled by his voice — as if Yeonjun’s bright blue hair didn’t always announce his presence — the boy jumped, causing a couple pieces of paper to slip from his grasp. Yeonjun ducked down slowly to gather the sheets — test booklets, huh — as the other boy stood stock still. Scared? It wouldn’t be the first time someone had that reaction to him, but if anything, he was trying to be friendly. 

Straightening up again, Yeonjun was slightly annoyed to see that the other boy was taller than him. He was used to looking down at everyone else in the room. 

He handed the papers back to boy with the dark hair, arching his brow at the silence that accompanied his outstretched hand. Based on their brief interaction, Yeonjun had thought he’d pegged his type, the kind to say— “Thank you.” A soft reply as the boy took the papers gratefully. Bingo. 

“If you’re trying to get into the exam, good luck. It’s locked.” Yeonjun said again, head tilting towards the doors as he sized him up. 

Soft eyes. A gently-sloped nose. Severely bowed lips that gave him a cute look. Harmless.

“Oh- um, I’m bringing the professor extra test books. He left these in the printer in his office, so, I don’t think they started the exam yet.”

“Then why is the door locked?”

“The professor doesn’t like people who are late …” The boy’s voice trailed off as he nervously shuffled. Ah, cute and thoughtful. It was clear to them both that Yeonjun wouldn’t be standing outside the lecture hall ten — now fifteen — minutes into class if he wasn’t late to his exam. 

"Don’t worry, I don’t care if the professor likes me or not as long as I don’t have to see him again next semester.”

The other boy didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, glancing down at the floor and reorganizing the already neat papers in his hands. After a beat, he took a deep breath. “Well, I should really give him these papers now, I’m- I’m sorry.”

Yeonjun whipped his hand out to stop him just as the boy raised his hand to knock. Yeonjun had barely grazed his wrist before the other boy's hand quickly retreated. 

“Before— you do that. What’s your name?” Yeonjun asked easily.

“Soobin,” came the hesitant, if not confused, response. 

“Okay, so Soobin, how about you give me those papers and help me get into my exam?” Yeonjun flashed a quick smile — all teeth. 

“I-“ Soobin paused, taken aback by Yeonjun’s boldness. 

“Before you say no, hear me out. I haven’t been doing too great this semester. You know, skipping classes, missing assignments. But I really want to turn things around,” Yeonjun smirked up at Soobin, doing his best to sound like he at least meant half of it. 

“I studied really hard for this exam last night; I slept at 4 yesterday. I know I can get a good grade. Just give me those papers,” he nodded towards the sheets that now had a slight crinkle to them. “And I’ll tell him ‘Hey, I ran into Soobin and he told me to bring these, that’s why I’m late.’ Everyone’s happy.”

A slight look of panic had entered Soobin’s eyes as soon as Yeonjun started talking. Even so, he only glanced down at the sheets still in his hands before nodding slowly, once, twice. The movement was so small that Yeonjun wasn't sure if the other boy was doing it subconsciously or not, but he took it as a go ahead.

Yeonjun reached for the papers, giving Soobin a wink as he pulled them from his hold. They slipped through easily. Like he’d expected, harmless.

“Don’t worry, I’ll try extra hard in there for you,” Yeonjun said, a wide smile pulled across his face. “Now, you have to go.” He made shooing motions with his hand, as if scurrying off a small animal.

When Soobin was a few steps down the hall though, Yeonjun abruptly called out, “Hey, I’m Yeonjun — in case he asks.” Without waiting for an answer, he turned around to knock loudly on the lecture door, hearing Soobin's rapidly retreating footsteps in the distance. 

Chapter Text

“This is not what I paid for,” Yeonjun said, a disgusted look on his face as he nearly gagged on his coffee. 

“They messed up your order, that isn’t my fault,” Beomgyu retorted, drinking his own coffee. “Plus, I gave you your money back, just drink it.”

“Maybe if you bothered to remember my usual,” Yeonjun said dryly, glancing away from their table. Right on cue, a tall figure entered the coffee shop. 

Yeonjun first spotted Soobin again the day after failing his exam — he said he’d try, not that he’d actually succeed.

It seemed they were on similar schedules, because every morning when he and Beomgyu stopped by the shop to grab coffees (when he woke up on time), Soobin was there, too. Usually he was alone, but today another boy had trailed him in from the cold.

“If you’re not going to drink it, give it to me. I have a paper due at four.” 

Yeonjun looked back at his abandoned cup in distaste. “Be my guest, it’s gross.” He hadn’t yet told Beomgyu about Soobin. There was no reason to. As far as Beomgyu knew, Yeonjun had bullied some freshman into nabbing the test booklets to get him into the exam. It wasn’t even that far from the truth.

“Let’s go, I have to get to class early so I can sit by that cute freshman,” Beomgyu said, picking up his backpack.

Yeonjun laughed, “Didn’t I say before that forced masculinity does not look good on you.” But he, too, grabbed his lightweight bag and followed Beomgyu towards the exit.

✧✦✧

“Soobin”

“Soobin!”

Soobin’s gaze snapped back to meet dark brown ones as he smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“Taehyun said we could go to his dorm this weekend to get ready for the party because his roommate is going home.”

Ah, now Soobin remembered why he’d glanced away — and ended up getting distracted by a familiar head of bright blue hair. He grimaced in reply, “Actually, I don’t know if I’m going to go this weekend.”

Hueningkai set down his cup with a loud thunk, almost spilling the hot chocolate inside. “Hyung, you say that every weekend! You promised you would come with us this week. It’s for Taehyun’s birthday.” 

Soobin caught himself before his eyes could flit away again — looking for an escape. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with his friends, but parties were really, really, really not his thing. 

“You’re a sophomore now and you haven’t even been out,” Hueningkai continued. “Just come with us for one night for his birthday, and then we’ll stop asking. I didn’t think I’d like it either, hyung, but maybe you’ll have fun.”

Kai's voice had taken on that tone — the one that balanced between whining and compelling. And when he beamed, Soobin couldn't say no.

“You’re right,” Soobin said, feeling a tangle of nerves in his stomach. “You’re right.” He repeated — maybe if he said it enough times he’d believe it. “It is for Taehyun’s birthday, and it’s just one night, right?”

Hueningkai grinned back at him, half proud and half excited. “Right!” 

Chapter Text

“Hyung, which one looks better?”

Yeonjun glanced up from his bright phone screen to squint at Beomgyu on the other side of the room. “Neither, I told you to just wear jeans.”

“Maybe you can get away with that, but I can’t.”

“Your fancy pants are going to get ruined the second some drunk freshman spills beer all over them — but do whatever you want.” 

Yeonjun lowers his gaze back to his phone, leaving Beomgyu to rummage through his big closet and pile of discarded clothes once more. 

✧✦✧

“Hyung, which one looks better?”

“Wear the black one,” Soobin replied, sitting on Taehyun’s roommate’s bed. Taehyun’s dorm was small and cramped, like most freshman ones were, but it felt cozy and nice with just him and his two best friends.

He wished they could stay here eating ice cream and watching movies the whole night. But Taehyun appearing from the bathroom with Soobin’s shirt selection meant that his wish was not going to be granted. 

“Where is the party again?” Soobin asked, unlocking his phone to find the best route.

“It’s at my friends apartment off campus,” Taehyun said, rattling off the street name and number.

As soon as the preview photos loaded, Soobin let out a gasp. 

“What?” Hueningkai asked, coming over to sit next to Soobin. “Whoaaa.”

“Yeah, whoa,” Soobin whispered looking at the sleek glass and very fancy lobby. “Taehyun, is your friend’s dad famous or something, no way a freshman can afford to live here.”

✧✦✧

The apartment was just as impressive in person. No, it was even more impressive. Because here, Soobin could see the polished floor to ceiling windows practically vibrate from the loud music blaring through bass speakers on the floor. He could feel the leather — real leather — under his sweaty palms as he sat next to Taehyun in a dim lounge. He could see the expensive art hung around the apartment that was worth far too much for a bunch of college students to be around.

It was safe to say Choi Soobin felt extremely out of his element.

But other than the constant tingle of nerves, the night had been fine so far. Both Taehyun and Hueningkai seemed to be drinking a lot, but they did this more than he did so Soobin didn’t say anything. 

Somewhere between the hours of eleven and midnight, Taehyun disappeared with some friends from his year. And as the clock ticked later and later and more and more people flooded into the apartment, it became clear that Hueningkai had a bit too much to drink. Despite one awful trip to the bathroom alreaday, the younger boy was quite obviously still drunk. 

Suddenly, Soobin felt a tight grip on his forearm and the threatening words, “Hyung, I think I’m going to be sick again.”

They barely made it to the bathroom on time, only succeeding because Hueningkai had made a ruckus and shoved three people out of the way before slamming the bathroom door closed.

Soobin leaned against the wall outside, closing his eyes for a moment. Maybe it was time they went home. Though he didn’t feel comfortable leaving Taehyun by himself. 

He knew if he asked, Taehyun would tell them to go. He’d always been the more responsible one — but Soobin felt bad leaving him and on his birthday, too.

Letting out a sigh, Soobin opened his eyes, nearly jumping at the pair of dark eyes that peered back at him from across the narrow hall; his blue hair nearly fluorescent under the bright lights of the other room.

Chapter Text

A flash of white — the other boy’s teeth — and Soobin knew Yeonjun was laughing at him. Before he could say anything, that head of blue drew closer until there was only about two feet separating them. 

“You’re friend doesn’t look too good.” There was light humor in his voice and a degree of mirth in the eyes staring straight into Soobin’s.

Soobin furrowed his brows, “He just had too much to drink.”

“Obviously,” Yeonjun said something else, but a group of people happened to pass through the hall, obscuring most of his words. All Soobin could make out was “room.”

“What??”

“Does your friend want to sleep it off in a room?”

Soobin glanced at Yeonjun suspiciously. Their first encounter hadn’t exactly left the impression that he was very nice — or caring. Yeonjun had pretty much bullied his way into that exam, but in a way that Soobin hadn’t even realized until the papers were already out of his hands.

“Is this your apartment?” Soobin had a hard time believing Taehyun would be friends with Yeonjun. Or maybe it was vice versa.

“No, but it’s a friend of mine’s. He won’t mind.”

Before Soobin could respond, the click of the bathroom door opening next to them caused him to jump again. He could have sworn he heard a bark of laughter from Yeonjun but he didn't turn to check.

Hueningkai stumbled out, clutching his head, not seeing Yeonjun as he spoke into the dark hallway ahead of him, “Hyung, I really don’t feel good.” 

Immediately, Soobin was by his side, supporting him and patting his back. Not really knowing what else to do, he glanced back at Yeonjun, still standing by the wall, now with a smirk on his face. “The room, please?”

Yeonjun’s only response was to head down the hall in the opposite direction of the bathroom, making a ‘follow me’ gesture with his hand. He didn’t even offer to help carry Kai. 

✧✦✧

Getting Hueningkai to lie down was easy — based on how heavy he had felt, Soobin wouldn’t have been surprised if he was already asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

Leaving Kai in the dark room, sleeping on his side, Soobin shut the door behind him. He shuffled awkwardly in the hallway, not sure what to say besides, “Thank you.”

Yeonjun just shrugged, “I owed you one after the exam.”

“The one that you failed?”

Yeonjun winced — though Soobin doubted anything he said could actually affect the other boy. “I only promised to try.”

“I could help you with studying, if you need?” Soobin wasn’t even sure why he said it to begin with. Maybe because he wanted Yeonjun to like him. 

His words had the opposite affect though — instead of making Yeonjun smile, it seemed to rub him the wrong way. “Isn’t that nice of you,” Yeonjun muttered, no trace of his earlier humor left on his face.

Soobin stared at him wide-eyed, not really sure what to say. “Sorry, if you don’t nee-“

“No, it’s fine,” Yeonjun cut him off, glancing away as if he was already done with the conversation. Soobin felt his chest squeeze. Instead of leaving like Soobin expected him to though, Yeonjun changed the subject. "How do you know Beomgyu?"

Soobin thought he'd misheard once again, but the music wasn't as loud down here. "I don't know him." Had he done something wrong?

But the light seemed to return to Yeonjun's eyes, an easy smile spreading across his lips, answering his unspoken question. "So how'd you get in, hotshot?"

"My friend Taehyun said this was his friend's apartment?"

"You've got friends in high places," Yeonjun whistled.

It was like being on a roller coaster, dipping between unease and familiarity, tension and comfort. Yeonjun was the one in charge of this conversation’s loops and dips, Soobin just clinging on, a whim to his emotions.

Now that Yeonjun was more relaxed, more playful, Soobin could feel himself loosening up as the two stood shrouded in shadows with only the faint thrum of music between them.

"You do, too. Aren't you friends with the owner?"

"You've got it wrong, Soobinie, he's lucky to be MY friend."

What Yeonjun said was so absurd Soobin couldn't help but laugh. He'd never met someone as shameless as him.

A sudden light in the hallway indicated that Yeonjun had pulled out his phone. It had been too loud for either of them to hear the constant vibrations, but he seemed surprised by the messages left on the lock screen. "I'm going back to the party, you coming?"

Soobin shook his head, “No, I’m going to stay with Kai.” 

He watched Yeonjun’s figure retreat down the hall, almost fading away into the darkness. He wasn’t sure why he expected the boy with the blue hair to look back at least once.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun had spent the last 20 minutes watching Beomgyu play with his pancakes. "If you're not going to eat them at least don't make them look so unappetizing that I don't even want your leftovers."

All he got in response was a grumble. Hoodie up, face cast in shadows, Beomgyu was the poster boy of 'I feel like shit, don't talk to me.' Yeonjun said as much. This at least got a bit more reaction, a frown and a "fuck off." 

Yeonjun just chuckled, shoving a whole pancake in his mouth.

"Why are you in such a good mood? It's kind of creepy."

Yeonjun arched his brow. With cheeks puffed out and a bit of syrup on his chin, he should not have looked intimidating. Maybe it was just his eyes, Beomgyu thought. "The first time I said that, you nearly threw my phone out of the window."

"I had a good night."

Beomgyu snorted, "Don't tell me it's because of Taehyun's friend."

"Why not?" 

"Don’t mess this up for me, hyung. Taehyun is my only other friend besides you. Who else am I going to hang out with when you piss me off?"

"You have lots of other friends. Who were all those people in your apartment last night?"

Beomgyu shot him a dark look, "You know what I mean."

Yeonjun shrugged, "It's not like Taehyun will expect you to be responsible for my actions."

"Why him? Just pick someone else if you're bored."

"He's cute. And nice." 

"So, do you like him or hate him?"

"Oh, I definitely hate him."

✧✦✧

Soobin startles when he feels a hand land on his shoulder. It wasn’t even particularly forceful or heavy, but he’d been so engrossed with his phone that the sudden weight had sent a jolt through his system.

Turning around quickly, he was met with striking eyes and equally striking blue hair. He parted his lips to say hi, but Yeonjun beat him to it.

“I’m running late to class — again, mind if I jump ahead, Soobinie?”

That nickname. Soobin hadn’t fully registered it that night in the hallway, or if he did he’d chosen to ignore it, but now, hearing it out in the open, in bright daylight instead of shared solely, secretly between them, made Soobin feel quite ... strange.

As Yeonjun’s question filtered into his mind though, he nodded quickly stepping back as the older boy cut him in line.

He watched as Yeonjun ordered his coffee, paid and left the shop without so much as a “thanks” or “see you later.” Feeling rather put out, Soobin approached the counter. However, before he could give his order, the barista was already looking behind him, asking for the next customer.

Confused, Soobin spoke up, “Oh, I haven’t ordered yet.”

The guy at the counter gave him an equally confused look. “Your friend ordered; your drink is over there.” He pointed towards a white cup on the edge of the pick-up counter.

Nodding numbly, not quite sure what was happening but unable to tell the barista that the drunk wasn’t for him, Soobin walked over and picked up the cup.

A dark scribble was on the side, like it had been written quickly, secretively. It was a name. And a number. Nothing else — still no “thank you.”

Hesitantly, Soobin raises the cup to his mouth, taking a furtive sip. Black. He wrinkles his nose.

Chapter Text

Soobin: yeonjun?
Yeonjun: yes sir
Soobin: thank you for the coffee!
Yeonjun: do you drink it black
Soobin: no but thank you anyways
Yeonjun: be honest with me did it go in the trash
Soobin: … maybe
Yeonjun: tasteless
Soobin: i’m sorry I really just can’t drink it black😭
Yeonjun: you owe me $3.75
Soobin: IM SORRY ILL PAY YOU BACK
Yeonjun: lmaoooo i’m joking chill
Yeonjun: next time just tell me what you like
Soobin: next time?
Yeonjun: you said you’d help me with physics?
Soobin: yes but i didn’t think you wanted help
Yeonjun:: are you kidding me you saw my exam grade
Soobin: yeah that was … something
Yeonjun: shut up or I’m going to find your venmo and charge you
Soobin: 😳🤐

——

Yeonjun snorted. He’d really pegged Soobin the first time they met, huh. Harmless for sure. 
Maybe if he just focused on that he’d be able to ignore the other adjective: Cute.

Yeonjun didn’t notice how tightly he was gripping his phone until Beomgyu chirped from across from him. “Your stepdad?”

“Nah, not this time.”

“You’re ‘nice and cute’ boy?” Beomgyu’s mockery was so thick Yeonjun could practically feel it emanating off him. 

He didn’t respond.

——

Yeonjun: you free tonight?

Soobin: sorry I was in class! you want to study tonight?
Yeonjun: fuck that come out with me
Soobin: didn’t you just say you needed help with physics
Yeonjun: not TONIGHT
Yeonjun: the next exam is probably next month
Soobin: probably😭😭
Soobin: you could get started early
Soobin: it seems like you have a lot of catch up on
Yeonjun: so is your venmo @choisoobins or @soobin_l
Yeonjun: I guess I could just charge both
Soobin: STOPPP IM JUST TRYING TO HELP
Soobin: but i’ll pay you back if you really want 😔
Yeonjun: no stfu what i want is to go out tonight
Soobin: If you study with me I’ll go out after

——

It was strange how one text, one thing slightly out of his comfort zone could cause Soobin’s adrenaline to spike like this. He slide his phone into his jacket pocket as he crossed the street to the dining hall on campus.

He saw Hueningkai standing outside waving — when did he get so tall? Just as he raised his hand to wave back, Soobin felt a vibration from his phone.

——

Yeonjun: deal

✧✦✧

“I can’t believe we spent almost an entire semester trying to convince you to come out with us when all we had to do was buy you coffee and threaten to charge you for it,” Taehyun said, sitting on the floor of Soobin’s dorm, abandoned laptop with a half-written essay lying by his side.

“Just say you hate us, hyung, it’s OK,” Hueningkai’s muffled voice came from under the covers where he was supposed to be taking a nap.

“I don’t hate you guys, I just- “

“Like him,” Taehyun finished for him.

“NO.”

“Can you not yell? I’m trying to sleep,” Kai said, head peaking out from under the covers.

“We both know you’ve been playing mobile games this whole time.” Though Soobin hadn’t been much better himself — his books were laid out on his desk but had been left unattended for an hour now. At least he would be studying tonight.

Kai, being Kai, acted like he couldn’t hear Soobin and proceeded to also talk about him like he couldn’t see him, either. “If only we looked like him, Taehyun. Maybe then Soobin-hyung would actually want to spend time with us.”

“Did I not spend the whole afternoon with you both?”

“It’s so tragic. Looks really can get you everything.”

“You guys, it’s not like that. He just really needs help with his physics,” Soobin’s mumbled protest wasn’t convincing to his own ears either.

“OK, but then why are you going out after?” Taehyun shot back.

“He wouldn’t study otherwise!”

“Mmmhmm,” Taehyun said, somehow managing to look condescending while half slumped against Soobin’s bed.

“Taehyun, aren’t you friends with his rich friend?” Hueningkai had seemingly given up on sleeping — and his mobile game — since he was sitting up now. “What’s he like? Besides pretty that is.”

Soobin would argue but he knew it was futile.

"First, it's Beomgyu. At least remember his name since you threw up twice in his bathroom." Taehyun’s tone was dry but Hueningkai was unfazed. "And second, I don’t really know him at all. I’ve never hung out with him, just Beomgyu and some other guys from our class.

“I didn’t even meet him at the party. He was doing something dumb half the time, so I decided to stay out of it.”

“Yeonjun-hyung?” Soobin asked a bit incredulously. He somehow couldn’t remember seeing Yeonjun like that — his only memory of the blue haired boy was in a muted hallway, as if he only existed in that subdued moment for Soobin.

“Yeah, he was crazy. I don’t even know when he left to help you guys. But he was loud, always the center of attention and doing one stupid thing after another.”

“Like what?” Kai asked with wide eyes and an eager grin. 

“He decided that using a full whiskey bottle as a bat was a good idea.” 

Hueningkai snorted, glancing wryly at Soobin, “Good luck, hyung.”

Chapter Text

They’d been sitting here for exactly 46 minutes. And Soobin has read a total of 2 pages.

There was no way he could concentrate with Yeonjun mumbling and shuffling and furrowing his brows and then tapping his pen against his lips directly across from him.

His study habits were enough to set Soobin on edge. It definitely had nothing to do with Soobin's need to sneak a glance at the blue-haired boy between every paragraph of his reading.

In his defense, he was trying; he’d gone nearly a quarter of a page without peaking, but then he heard a shuffling which meant Yeonjun had rested his head on his hand or placed his elbows on the table or — god forbid — ran his fingers through his bangs again. And Soobin just had to look.

Sparkling eyes and a smirk greeted him when he did. Thank god Soobin stopped himself before he could look away because that would have been dumb — he’d been caught.

“How’s studying going, Soobinie?”

Soobin could feel his cheeks turn pink, half at the mortification of being caught staring and half at the low whisper Yeonjun had to use to ask his question. OK, maybe it was more like a 70/30 split.

“G-good.” God, the only thing that would make this more cliche is if he gulped.

Yeonjun’s hand reached across the table, and Soobin’s heart jumped into his throat. But all Yeonjun did was tap one slim finger against Soobin’s textbook, “You’re struggling an awful lot to read these pages though?”

There was a sharp edge of mocking to Yeonjun’s words — as if balancing on a knife point and tilting, barely, to just this side of cruel.

Soobin’s blood ran cold for one second as his gaze jumped from Yeonjun’s hand back to his eyes. But the older’s expression was still lightly teasing, not giving any indication that his tone had been too harsh.

“I’ve never been good at lit,” Soobin mumbled, fidgeting with the edge of the page.

“Hmmmm,” The hum was considering, warm. Soobin was going to get whiplash. “Me neither,” Yeonjun said it like they were sharing a secret — another one.

“Okay, then come help me, Soobinie. I finished reading this boring crap but I still don’t get any of it,” Yeonjun raised both his hands to the top of his head, leaning back in his chair to appraise his physics notes with disgust. Soobin giggled — how scary could he be if he was so easily rendered helpless by some equations?

Leaning forward, Soobin slowly, carefully began going over his notes in comparison.

✧✦✧

The sky had gone dark an hour ago and Yeonjun had started looking at his phone more and more. Soobin didn’t want to pry, but he was going over a problem for the third time because Yeonjun kept getting distracted. “Your friends?” His words were maybe a bit more annoyed than they should have been.

But Yeonjun didn’t seem to notice. Placing his phone face down on the table he shook his head, “My dad.”

“Oh,” Soobin was taken aback. It was stupid, of course Yeonjun had a dad. But somehow, ever since they’d met, he’d always seemed larger than life. Like nothing and no one could really tether him down. It was odd to think that even someone like him had a family, a past, roots. “Is everything OK?”

“No, but what’s new.” It was just a tiny chip. One line that revealed more about Yeonjun than any of his cold remarks or coy banters. But just as quickly, that brief flash of recognition was eclipsed as Yeonjun reached across the table to pinch Soobin’s cheeks.

Too startled to move, he felt the slight tug against his skin — not painful but uncomfortable.

“I’m sick of studying, didn’t you say you were going to come out with me?”

“Let’s finish this chap-“

Yeonjun’s fingers on his cheeks tightened before letting go. But the sting on Soobin’s cheek lingered.

“We’ve been doing this for hours. You’re not going to go back on your promise, right?” Yeonjun’s question was deceptively simple.

Soobin felt his heart jump. “No, okay, let’s go.”

As they packed their things, Yeonjun reached out to pat Soobin’s cheek, right on the spot he’d pinched just moments before. “Don’t worry, Soobinie, it won’t be like Saturday.”

✧✦✧

Yeonjun was right. Tonight’s affair was no where near the chaos of Beomgyu’s party, but it didn’t matter. The five other guys in the apartment still made Soobin uncomfortable. They were older, maybe Yeonjun’s age or seniors. Soobin had never seen any of them before.

Though that wasn’t the main reason Soobin was so on edge. As they’d walked through campus and then off of it, Yeonjun had grown more and more distant. Not waiting for Soobin at crosswalks, ignoring his questions of where they were going.

At one point Soobin had asked if Yeonjun was sure he still wanted him to come, but Yeonjun only responded by asking condescendingly, “Oh, so you’re a liar now, Soobinie?” Soobin was starting to hate that nickname.

It was hard to reconcile that callous stranger with the Yeonjun now. As soon as they’d entered his friend’s apartment, he’d seemed more relaxed. He sat casually on the couch now; a nearly untouched bottle of beer in his loose grip. If this had been the first time Soobin had met Yeonjun, he would have thought he’d never had a single worry in his life.

Soobin sat stiffly next to him. Knees together, shoulders slightly hunched, fingers interlaced tightly. 

“You want a drink?” One of the guys — Soobin had already forgotten their names — asked in his direction, startling him out of whatever daze he’d been in as they’d conversed around him.

“Uh, no thank you.”

The boy who asked shared an indecipherable look with Yeonjun. Soobin shuffled self-consciously, though a slight tinge of annoyance flared up among his spiking nerves.

The conversation continued casually, Soobin only really half paying attention, lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that none of them had really addressed him directly or made any indication that he was there.

That was until Yeonjun shifted slightly next to him. “Soobinie, what do you think?”

Surprised, he snapped his attention back, suddenly on high alert. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known what they were talking about — it was hard for him to do anything else but listen. But he hadn’t expected they would ask his opinion. “Um, I- I guess you should stop texting her. Maybe give her some space?”

One of the guys gave a short laugh, but not the kind that made Soobin think he’d said something funny. It was the kind that transformed the butterflies in his stomach into weights that made him want to throw up. 

Yeonjun propped his elbow on the back of the sofa, resting his head easily against his palm as he smiled at Soobin. “Have you ever dated before, Soobinie?” 

Now Soobin wish he’d said yes to the drink, if only to have something to grip in his hands, something to take his nerves out on. He shook his head.

“Then you don’t know shit.” The words could have been meant as a joke, but he knew it wasn’t. “Don’t listen to him, text her.”

Yeonjun’s friend who was the one that posed the question scrolled through his phone. “It’s one; that’s kind of desperate don’t you think?”

“You’re going to take advice from some lonely ass freshman?” One of the other guys shot from the kitchen, the sound of running water not loud enough to obscure his dig at Soobin.

Soobin felt something constrict in his chest. If he was more confident, if he was bolder, if he wasn’t surrounded by strangers, maybe he could have argued back; stood up for himself, but instead he stayed silent. 

He wasn’t sure why he expected Yeonjun to speak up. Maybe because he was his only friend in this room— But were they? Their interactions have been borderline friendly, but mostly just Yeonjun using him to get what he wanted. 

The sudden realization hit Soobin that he didn’t know what he was doing here. Trying to be Yeonjun’s friend? Why?

Unbidden, he felt the edge of his eyes start to sting. No, no, no, no, not here. Not with them. Not with him.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun could guess quite precisely the downward spiral of Soobin’s thoughts. He knew he hadn’t been treating him fairly, but that had been the plan all along. Right?

He had almost slipped up, that brief moment in the library was an awful, horrible mistake. But things were the way he wanted them to be now. Right?

None of his other ‘friends’ seemed to notice — or care — about the roiling emotions of the two sat on the sofa, too busy arguing amongst themselves and jostling for a phone. 

It wasn’t until Yeonjun noticed the slight tinge of red around Soobin’s eyes — he really had the fairest skin — that sirens began going off in his head.

Something was wrong. He didn’t understand what, but a heavy weight had just landed in his gut and he knew this wasn't right. But wasn’t this what he wanted? No. Yes. He didn’t know — maybe that was what was wrong. 

He didn’t dare look at Soobin again. He did, however, shift on the sofa — almost imperceptibly — so that they were shoulder to shoulder; the briefest brush of Soobin’s sweater against his arm. 

Yeonjun straightened, his voice loud even above the squabble, “Maybe if you weren’t amateurs it wouldn’t take this long to send a damn text.”

Immediately, the fire rained down on him, with them taking turns making barbed jabs at him. Yeonjun returned them easily — an edge of nastiness creeping into his tone. 

“This is boring; I’m heading out.” Yeonjun looked away, turning towards Soobin for the first time and letting out a sigh of relief when the younger boy looked closer to normal now. “You ready to go?”

He didn’t need to be a psychic to know what Soobin’s answer would be. The two boys put on their jackets as Yeonjun waved a brief goodbye to the group.

Yeonjun shut the door after they exited the apartment, but when he turned around, Soobin had already made it halfway down the hall towards the elevators.

Damn his height and long legs.

Yeonjun jogged to catch up with Soobin just as the elevator doors opened, ducking in before the younger boy could shut them in his face.

They stood silently on either side of the elevator. Facing each other, but not looking.

Yeonjun’s head was a mess — more accurately his brain was having the most unfortunate malfunction in that he couldn’t keep grasp of one steady train of thought. Was he sorry? No. Did he feel bad? Never. So what was the problem?

Soobin surprised him by speaking first, “I shouldn’t have come tonight; I’m sorry.”

What the fuck.

Anger was a familiar emotion for Yeonjun. Towards his stepdad, towards Beomgyu, towards himself — he’d felt it a multitude of ways. But he had not expected to feel it tonight, at least not again.

“What the fuck,” Yeonjun’s voice had never held so much ice before — at least not with Soobin.

Soobin shrunk back against the elevator wall, somehow increasing the already maximized distance between them. What the fuck was he doing? There was nowhere to run.

“You’re sorry?”

Yeonjun could see Soobin’s hands gripping the elevator railing behind him. His knuckles were white. Yeonjun balled his hand into fists.

“I’m-“ Soobin barely got a word out before Yeonjun cut him off.

“Why the fuck are you sorry?” The anger behind those words belied their meaning — he was asking one thing but his tone screamed that Soobin should be sorry.

“I’m-“

The elevator door dinged open, revealing the dimly lit, dingy lobby of the mostly student-rented apartment complex. Before Soobin could make a run for it, Yeonjun hit the close door button, followed by the highest floor — 14. He wasn’t done.

“Go on, Soobinie. What did you do wrong, huh?” Yeonjun’s voice wasn’t as forceful as before, but it was still bitterly cold.

Soobin’s face was pale. Finally, one clear thought forced its way to the forefront of Yeonjun’s brain: He hated seeing it that way.

Yeonjun took a step forward, knowing the other boy didn’t have even a millimeter of space behind him to retreat into.

“What are you thinking, Soobin? It can’t possibly just be sorry, right?” Yeonjun didn’t know if he wanted to be proven right or wrong.

One moment, he saw Soobin’s hand unclench from the railing. Next, he was no longer so, so far away — half the length of an old elevator. He was right there, in front of yeonjun. He was crying. He was yelling. Thank god.

“I’m not! What are you thinking?” Soobin’s words were a mess, barely coherent. At least they were on an even playing field now, Yeonjun thought.

But Soobin wasn’t done. Good. “I don’t get you at all. You pretend like you want to spend time with me and make me teach you physics and help Hueningkai and then buy me coffee and then bring me- bring me here, but you just-“ A quick gasp and flushed cheeks. “Just treat me like shit as soon as we arrive. What’s the point? If you don’t want to be f-friends, then just leave me alone?”

The ding of the elevator signaled that they’d once again arrived. This time, Yeonjun was the one that wanted to escape.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Soobin’s question was a whisper — far, far louder than any of his cries before.

The only reply he got was the soft sound of metal against metal as the elevator door shut again. Soobin took the trip down alone.

Chapter Text

“I’m so stupid!”

Soobin’s exclamation, though powerful, was slightly muffled considering it was coming from under the blanket fort that he had built and subsequently trapped himself in for the past two days.

“You are not, hyung, but please come out of there, because this room is starting to smell. I’m going to have to leave the food I bring you at the door.”

Soobin felt a weight against his side, which meant that halfway through his spiel Hueningkai had flung himself dramatically over Soobin’s blankets.

“He’s right; at least open the window or something.” Taehyun’s voice was a bit more distant. Probably because the younger boy already refused to step foot into Soobin’s single dorm.

“It’s okay; who needs to eat anyway?” Soobin’s grumble came as he tried to shove Hueningkai off.

The weight disappeared, but it was accompanied by the crunch of a paper bag. “Oh, so you don’t want this? That’s too bad, I guess I’ll have t-“

Soobin shot out of bed so fast, snatching the wrapped burger from Kai’s hands.

Just as quickly, he burrowed back into his blankets, only his messy hair and slightly flushed cheeks — from the heat of 5 layers, and no longer his tears — remained visible. Plus, one smooth hand that was slowly unwrapping the burger.

Hueningkai sat on Soobin’s floor, giving his hyung a look that conveyed equal parts amusement and worry.

Soobin knew his juniors were just trying to cheer him up, and it was working — somewhat.

That night after Soobin returned to his dorm, he didn’t call anyone. The next day, he didn’t answer any of their calls either.

It wasn’t until Tuesday evening when they nearly broke his door down and coaxed him with a particularly delicious red bean bread that he recounted everything that had happened between him and Yeonjun.

“You aren’t stupid, hyung,” Taehyun’s voice was steel. Though, Soobin had guessed right, he stood right on the threshold between the hallway and Soobin’s room. “You just trusted him.”

Soobin rubbed his eyes, dry now — they’d had this conversation so many times. “I was. I was so, so stupid to even like him.”

“Stop that, hyung,” Kai’s eyes were sad when Soobin looked at him, still sitting on the floor next to his bed. “How you felt, it wasn’t your fault. It was his fault for being awful and horrible and- and cruel.”

If Taehyun’s reaction to what happened was sharp and frigid and all-avenging, then Hueningkai’s was like a balm.

He’d stayed with Soobin that night, petting his head and letting his friend cry. He’d listened, to everything Soobin did and didn’t want to say, and never offered his own opinions or judgements.

Soobin smiled, “Thank you, guys.”

✧✦✧

“Hyung, I don’t know how to tell you this but you’re really stupid.”

Yeonjun flicked a few peas off his plate towards Beomgyu, “Shut up.”

“For real, you’re like seriously stupid.” Beomgyu barely dodged the chicken wing Yeonjun flung next.

“Then leave,” Yeonjun snapped.

“I’d really love to, but since you pissed off my only other friend, I don’t have much of a choice, huh?”

“What happened to him?”

“We’re not talking right now,” Beomgyu mumbled, viciously mashing a bit of his potato with his fork.

Yeonjun scoffed, “That’s immature.”

“Immature?” Beomgyu’s voice rose an octave. The hall was fairly deserted at this time of the night, but it was obvious that those close enough to hear were only pretending they couldn’t. “You really shouldn’t be talking.”

“Why are you so mad? Cause your friend is ignoring you? He’ll get over it.”

“That’s not the point!”

Yeonjun flinched, just slightly. That sounded too much like what Soobin said that night in the elevator. His voice, hoarse and hurt, haunted Yeonjun in moments when he least expected it. He hated it. He deserved it.

“Why are you doing this?”

A twinge of something unfamiliar — fear, discomfort — flared in Yeonjun’s chest. Beomgyu had never sounded so completely done with him before. “No one took care of me when I was puking my guts out freshman year.”

“Not every ‘nice guy’ is like him.”

“I know that.”

“No, I don’t think you do.”

“I know that.” Yeonjun wasn’t sure if he was agreeing or disagreeing with Beomgyu anymore. A beat of silence fell over their table. “I’m kind of a fuck up, huh?”

A derisive snort and the grating sound of a chair sliding back against the tiled floor rung out as Beomgyu stood up with his plate, “Yeah, hyung, you are.”

Chapter Text

Beomgyu heard a shuffling to his left and almost instinctively turned to say hi before catching himself — it wasn’t like that anymore. He tried hard to act like he wasn’t aware of Taehyun sitting down next to him, but he couldn't help but be overly conscious of him.

A burst of giddiness was followed almost immediately by nerves. What was Taehyun doing? Beomgyu wanted to ask but he might leave, again.

Suddenly a small fuzzy brown bear with a keyring attached to it entered his field of vision. His gaze trailed up from Taehyun’s outstretched hand — confused.

“You lost your old one, right?” Taehyun’s eyes didn’t give anything away.

They hadn’t spoken in a week.

Ever since Taehyun called him late at night, a flurry of furious questions and pointed accusations, any attempt Beomgyu had made to even talk to him after had been met with silence.

Beomgyu reached out to take the bear. It was made with gentle, wide loops folded over and over to create the illusion of fur. It was soft. “Thanks,” he murmured.

Taehyun just nodded, turning towards the front of the lecture hall as more students shuffled in and the professor began to set up the day’s slides.

All throughout class, Beomgyu found it incredibly hard to concentrate. It wasn’t like he usually paid much attention to the lecture anyway — but it was normally because he and Taehyun were too busy texting each other on their laptops or under the desks or, when their jokes got too rapid-fire for them to type out, leaning over and furtively whispering it to each other, hand over mouth to stop themselves from laughing out loud.

Why was Taehyun suddenly sitting next to him again? Was the bear his way of fixing things? Was he not mad anymore?

Anticipation and hope had bubbled to a fever pitch by the end of class, and Beomgyu barely waited for the professor to finish speaking before turning to Taehyun, “Do you want to go get a drink? From the coffee shop?”

Taehyun shook his head. But before Beomgyu’s crestfallen expression could truly take form — he had never possessed what people would call a ‘poker face’ — Taehyun spoke, “Let’s get boba today.”

✧✦✧

“How did you know I lost my keychain?” They were sitting opposite each other in a tight booth at the back of the shop, drinks in front of them.

“It was just a guess; I didn’t see it on your bag on Monday.”

Beomgyu, who had been about to clip the cute bear onto his bag, stopped mid-motion. He’d noticed?

“So you lost it?” Taehyun prompted, breaking through Beomgyu’s momentary pause.

“Oh, yeah. It was old; I guess it just fell off somewhere, and I didn’t notice.”

“That’s a shame; it was cute.”

“This one’s cuter,” Beomgyu gave Taehyun a toothy grin as he flicked the now-attached keychain before putting his bag down.

After a moment of silence, where it seemed like both boy’s didn’t really know what to say — or maybe it was just Beomgyu, Taehyun always seemed to know what to say — they both spoke at the same time:

“I mis-“

“I’m sorr-what were you going to say?”

Beomgyu shook his head, “Nevermind, it’s not important. And, uh, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”

“No, I wasn’t a good friend,” Taehyun's expression was somber, his voice soft. “I shouldn’t have blamed you, I’m sorry.”

Beomgyu’s smile was a rare one — showing his dimple. “I don’t want to say it was okay, because I was really sad. But I’m also really, really, really glad we’re talking again, so it’s okay.”

“It’s not like I really thought you were involved or anything, I just couldn’t say anything to him so I said it to you …”

“I get it. I was pretty pissed at Yeonjun-hyung, too.”

At the mention of his name, Taehyun’s expression, which had been fond, turned sharp again.

Beomgyu could imagine that was his exact look on the night he called. “I know you hate him, but he’s not a bad person.” Was he stupid for saying this right when they had made up? Maybe. But Yeonjun was his friend, too.

Taehyun sighed, as if he didn’t really want to have this conversation either, so soon after making amends. “He may not be, but what he did was horrible, and he has to own up to that.”

“Yeah, we’re working on it,” Beomgyu pulled a face. Flicking the plastic straw in his drink he added, “He’s going through some shit right now. It’s not an excuse it’s just- I think he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“I hope he figures it out soon, cause what he pulled is not it.”

“You’re telling me. He’s going to have to pay my therapy bill after all this is over.”

“Oh, so I am getting paid for this.”

“Shut up.”

Taehyun’s eyes turned into crescents as he smiled. Beomgyu almost said it out loud again. I missed you.

Chapter Text

Choi Yeonjun did not deal with guilt very well. Actually — he’d never really dealt with it before.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t regretted things before, but usually he’d let it simmer for a while until he could push it to the back of his mind and eventually ignore it like everything else that didn't go his way. It just wasn’t working this time.

This one clung onto him with deep claws and an unforgiving bite. It was eating him alive, literally.

Yeonjun hadn't slept well for a week, which meant he'd been mainlining coffee nonstop, which also meant he hadn’t had an appetite to have a proper meal in probably three days. 

Not every 'nice guy' is like him.

Beomgyu's words had been playing on loop in Yeonjun's brain almost all morning. He just wanted to /rest/. 

Yeah, hyung, you are."

Yeonjun was about to knock himself out just so he wouldn't have to listen to his own admission, and even worse, Beomgyu's confirmation. He'd figured out he'd fucked up pretty quickly; he didn’t need the constant reminder.

But even though Yeonjun hated it, at least Beomgyu's voice was a respite from memories of a whispered question and bruising cries and a wronged, distressed gaze that had been haunting him for the better part of a week now. 

Compared to that, this was bearable. 

Right on cue, Beomgyu swept into the coffee shop, catching sight of Yeonjun immediately. “You kind of look like shit?”

Yeonjun knew he didn’t. Yes, he felt like shit, but he wouldn't let it show so easily. Beomgyu only knew better because he’d been on the wrong end of Yeonjun’s frustrated rants one too many times this week.

“No, I don’t." They stepped into line.

“No, hyung, you kind of do, and I’m saying that in the nicest way possible. Why can’t you just text him?”

“You think he’d answer? He’s probably got my number blocked by now.”

“You don’t know that. Like you said, he’s a nice guy.”

“You didn’t see the look in his eyes, Gyu.”

Yeonjun and Beomgyu moved up in line, the coffee shop packed as usual in the morning.

“Okay, so he was angry. He was right to be. But you’ve looked like you were gonna murder me so many times, and am I dead? No. Just talk to him, hyung.”

“And what am I supposed to say? Sorry I humiliated him in front of my friends? Except they aren’t really my friends and I just go there to get drunk and do stupid shit? That studying with him for three hours was — disgustingly — so much better than any of the countless hours I’ve spent in that stupid ass apartment talking crap about things I don’t care about?” Yeonjun’s words came at a rapid fire pace.

The lack of sleep must have really been getting to him or else he never would’ve said so much out loud.

“Uh, yeah, that sounds pretty good.” Beomgyu’s eyes were wide as he gave Yeonjun a wary side glance, but he was trying very hard to keep a smooth face.

Yeonjun sighed, feeling so exhausted that he wasn’t sure if the four shots of espresso he was about to order would even help.

As they approached the front of the line, Beomgyu suddenly turned around to wave at someone by the door. Yeonjun wouldn’t have cared to look, if it weren’t for the fact that Beomgyu had been so eager he’d nearly smacked him in the head.

It was that freshman from the party. “I thought you guys weren’t talking.”

“We made up,” Beomgyu looked too smug for Yeonjun’s current mood. He gave the blond boy a scowl, but Beomgyu was already typing something quickly on his phone.

“You’re up,” Yeonjun said, nodding towards the counter.

Just as he heard Beomgyu giving his order — a black coffee and a caffe mocha — Yeonjun saw a familiar tall, dark-haired boy walk in. Quickly, impulsively, he stepped up behind Beomgyu, adding on his own order, “Another black with two extra shots of espresso and a vanilla latte.”

Beomgyu shot him a look, “Since when do you drink-“

“I don’t, it’s for him.”

Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun like he had gone crazy. “Who??”

“Soobin, he’s with your friend— don't look. Just give it to him and say it’s from you,” Yeonjun pulled out his card and handed it to the boy behind the counter before Beomgyu could argue.

Maybe he was crazy; he never did stuff like this. Definitely not for other people and definitely not without taking credit for it.

“Hyung, he’s never going to buy that. I don’t even know Soobin, much less what he likes to drink.”

“Just pretend Taehyun told you or something.”

“He’s going to know it’s from you.”

“Not if he doesn’t see me,” Yeonjun tapped his temple like he’d come up with some genius idea. “Bring me my coffee later, I need it.”

Before Beomgyu could say anything else, Yeonjun had disappeared into the crowd.

✧✦✧

“Thank you,” Soobin said softly, taking the drink from Beomgyu.

It was Friday and this was the third morning he’d received a vanilla latte from Taehyun’s friend. He felt kind of bad accepting them, but Taehyun had told him to “not make a big deal out of it, hyung.”

The blond boy had met them every morning since Wednesday — always alone, though Soobin thought he saw a flash of blue when he’d entered the shop today. But then Beomgyu had materialized from the crowd, and Yeonjun was nowhere to be seen.

Soobin was annoyed with himself for being disappointed.

“Are you two coming this weekend?” Beomgyu’s question made Soobin look back towards the group. He didn’t even realized he had been searching the crowd.

“This weekend?” Hueningkai asked, taking a sip of his hot chocolate — also courtesy of Beomgyu.

“I’m having another party,” Beomgyu said easily.

“Another one? Why?”

Beomgyu shrugged, “Why not? A friend asked me to host.” He glanced at Taehyun with a smirk. “Taehyun is going to be there, so you guys should come, too.”

“Only because I lost the bet,” Taehyun said shaking his head.

“What bet?” Kai asked.

But Taehyun just waved his hand, “It doesn’t matter. He’s right, you two should come keep me company or else Beomgyu-hyung will make me do a keg stand or something.”

Already, Soobin could already feel the dread pooling in his stomach. They’d promised that if he went for Taehyun’s birthday, he wouldn’t have to go out again. “I don’t know if I’m up for a party.”

“That’s okay, hyung,” Hueningkai was quick to reassure him. “I have an exam next week so I can’t go either.” He pulled a face, “Plus after what happened last time, I don’t know if I’m ready to drink again. Sorry, uh Beomgyu-hyung.”

But Beomgyu only laughed, “Trust me, people have done worse to my apartment than throwing up in the bathroom and then sleeping.”

“You don’t have to come, hyung,” Taehyun’s voice was soft, soothing. A contrast to Beomgyu’s brighter tones. “I just thought maybe it’ll help put it out of your mind, at least for a bit.”

“I don’t know, Taehyun, I mean what if-“ Soobin suddenly remembered that Beomgyu was here. And though he’d been nice enough, he was still Yeonjun’s friend.

A part of Soobin was terrified that Beomgyu would go back and tell Yeonjun everything. That the two of them would have a good laugh over him — again. But he knew he was just being paranoid, Taehyun had reassured him that Beomgyu wasn’t like that. He wanted to trust him.

“He’s not gonna be here this weekend,” It was like Beomgyu could read his mind. Soobin felt his ears heating — had he been that obvious?

He nodded quickly, hoping to mask his light blush, “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Chapter Text

"How are you doing? Sorry, Beomgyu pulled me away for a bit.” Taehyun had just found Soobin leaning against the marble counter of the kitchen. 

Though it wasn't any less packed in here, with the space around the kitchen island and table filled with people milling around and consuming far too much alcohol, it was at least brightly lit compared to the rest of the house. 

It helped Soobin feel like he could breathe a bit easier. 

"I'm OK," He gave Taehyun a small smile. “You didn’t take that long." 

Soobin was still gripping the cup that Beomgyu had filled with beer and shoved in his hand a couple hours ago with a "you don't have to drink it, but if you hold it, no one will offer you anything else."

"If you want to go, just tell me, I already upheld my end of the stupid bet," Taehyun said, brushing aside some paper cups to hop up on the counter beside Soobin. 

"What was the bet about anyway?" Soobin laughed.

A pause. Soobin thought Taehyun maybe didn't hear him and started to repeat his question, but the brunette spoke before he could finish.

"He said Yeonjun-hyung was the one buying coffee every morning. I didn't believe him."

"Huh?" Soobin’s brain was simply white noise for a moment, not able to comprehend what Taehyun said. He must have meant something else. “What do you mean buying coffee?”

Taehyun lifted one corner of his lips in a small smile, “I know, right? Why do you think I lost the bet?”

Soobin gaped, a couple dozen emotions all fighting for breathing room in his brain. Confusion, disbelief, fear, trepidation. They all coalesced into one question; the one he kept asking himself every time Yeonjun crossed his mind: “Why would he do that?”

“Beomgyu said he felt bad or something. But I don’t know if I buy that,” Taehyun shook his head, leaning it back against the cabinets. “I shouldn’t even be the one telling you this, but I also don’t think you should talk to him ever again.”

Soobin laughed, maybe a bit more forced this time, “I haven’t seen or heard from him in two weeks. I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

Taehyun arched his brows in reply, “But do you want to talk to him?”

“Not really ... I don’t even know what I would say. I mean, he should be the one apologizing.”

A wide grin broke out on Taehyun’s face. Only now at this angle could Soobin see a slight flush on the younger boy’s cheeks from the drinks Beomgyu had been giving him all night. “That’s right, you don’t owe him shit.”

Soobin smiled back, just as a sudden burst of noise entered the kitchen. Beomgyu was at the front of it, as always, with his head completely drenched.

As he approached the two on the side of the kitchen, it became obvious that it wasn’t just damp from water.

“What happened to you?” Taehyun asked, sounding far too pleased. The corner of his eyes crinkled as he sized up Beomgyu, whose shirt, now that he was closer, Soobin could see was also soaked.

“We decided to pop all the extra champagne left over from your birthday, but it kind of turned into a brawl,” Beomgyu spoke through laughs, color high on his cheekbones.

More people started crowding into the kitchen, following Beomgyu, and soon the heavy smell of alcohol permeated the air — even more than before.

Beomgyu wouldn’t leave Taehyun though, no matter who tried to crowd around them to talk, which meant that Soobin was also surrounded. When someone started rinsing out their hair in the sink next to him, he knew he had to go.

“I’m going to get some air outside,” Soobin motioned for the door off the kitchen that led to a small balcony. Taehyun nodded, telling Soobin again that they could go if he wanted.

“No, it’s OK, I just want to breathe some non-alcoholic air for a few minutes,” His grin must have been convincing enough because Taehyun didn’t protest anymore.

Soobin pushed out into the cool air and sucked in a deep breath. The first full one he’d taken since the night started. Maybe he spoke too soon when he said parties were not that bad.

Placing his untouched cup next to some of the potted plants, Soobin leaned against the railing, enjoying the chilly night breeze. It was such a shame they were still close to campus and the city, otherwise he could see the stars.

Squinting into the distance, he thought he could see his dorm on campus. He was trying to map out the path back home in his mind when movement below drew his gaze. This balcony faced the back of the building, with a larger, fancier one stretching the length of the living room on the other side.

Who would even be down here?

There weren’t any lights further out though a small path and the area behind the building were illuminated due to light from the apartments themselves. Soobin could see someone walking towards the building from the small path that probably led around to the main road.

Uninterested, he was about to look away again, until he caught a gleam of blue hair. Soobin froze. Which was stupid because no way could Yeonjun see him here. He was backlit by the party; no one would be able to tell who he was from down there.

However, in moments of panic, there was no room for logic. Soobin kept so still he was barely breathing, and he prayed Taehyun wouldn’t decide to come out and check on him at this precise moment.

He watched as Yeonjun came closer to the apartment — it was definitely him. Who else had blue hair like that?

But didn’t Beomgyu say he wasn’t going to be here? Did Beomgyu lie? Or did Yeonjun?

Soon after, the head of blue disappeared below the balcony, presumably into the building. Soobin remained outside for a while longer, letting the wind settle his nerves.

Though Yeonjun had disappeared from view, he was still on Soobin’s mind.

The last time Soobin had seen him, it’d been through a film of tears. He had been dreading their next meeting, hoping he didn’t run into him on campus, never wanting to think about it whenever Taehyun or Hueningkai brought it up, but now … suddenly, he wanted to see him.

That thought came as a shock to Soobin. But it was clear and bright and loud. He wanted to see him.

It wasn’t like he had any big expectations. It was just- his questions that night hadn’t been out of spite. Soobin wanted answers. He wanted to stop feeling so stupid for trusting Yeonjun. He wanted to be proven right or proven wrong. He just wanted to feel anything but how he’d felt the past two weeks.

He wanted to see him.

Despite the cold outside, Soobin could feel his ears and cheeks heating up. He was nervous. No, he was scared. He took in a deep breath, the cold night air seeping into his lungs, and breathed out, seeing the wind catch his breath.

Soobin turned around to go back inside.

✧✦✧

Soobin made his way to that room. The one Yeonjun had brought Hueningkai to. The only place in the apartment that had a connection to him.

Soobin wasn’t even sure if Yeonjun was going to be in there. But a curious intuition told Soobin that he would be. And he wasn’t sure if it was that certainty or the fact that he was going to see him again that terrified him more.

Not allowing himself a moment to hesitate, and fueled still by whatever had possessed him on the balcony, Soobin knocked gently on the door and pushed it open.

“Get out.” The words were flat, but loud, spoken as soon as the door started opening. It was his voice.

Soobin sucked in a sharp breath and opened the door all the way. His eyes had adjusted to the dimness from the hallway, so he could see into the dark room without a problem.

A figure was sprawled on the large bed that he had set Hueningkai on last time. There was an empty bottle on the nightstand. Soobin didn’t even notice the smell of alcohol because it already permeated the rest of the apartment.

“Yeonjun-hyung?” He didn’t know why he was still asking — Soobin knew it was him.

It was like Soobin’s voice, soft and almost melodic, physically shocked Yeonjun. He sat up quickly, peering at the door. “What are you- why-“

“I just wanted to talk,” Soobin stepped into the room, resting the door against the frame, closing it felt too final.

“Why …” Yeonjun’s repeated question trailed off as Soobin approached him. He sat still on the bed, brows furrowed. His hair was sticking up on end in the most adorable way.

Suddenly, Yeonjun’s phone on the nightstand, next to the bottle, lit up — a notification — illuminating more of Yeonjun’s face than Soobin could’ve made out in the darkness. There were damp streaks running down his cheeks.

“Oh- hyung, are you OK?” Soobin hadn’t even thought before he asked. The shock of seeing tears on Yeonjun’s face, of seeing him crying caused something to sting in his chest.

It was surreal; it was heartbreaking. He never thought he’d see Choi Yeonjun cry.

Yeonjun quickly swiped at his cheeks, looking away from Soobin, though he didn’t make any move to leave. He didn’t ask Soobin to leave again either. “No, it’s just been a pretty shit week.”

At least he hadn’t lied, Soobin thought. “Do you want to talk about it?” Soobin didn’t know why he was offering; this was someone who had made him cry the last time they’d spoken. But it felt like the right thing to do.

“No, it’s kind of fucked up, you don’t want to hear about it.” Yeonjun glanced back at Soobin, his face clear of any tears now. It was once again dim in the room, so Soobin couldn’t tell if fresh ones lingered on the edge of his lashes.

Soobin didn’t say anything, because though he offered, he wasn't sure if Yeonjun was right this time.

A silence stretched between them — a different kind from the last time they'd seen each other face to face. It was no longer tense and heavy. This one was comfortable, like they had both settled into their thoughts, like they were both too tired for anything else.

Soobin sat on the edge of the bed, and Yeonjun lied back down, staring at the ceiling. Soobin’s eyes fell on the half-empty bottle. “Aren’t you too young to start a drinking habit?"

"I don't have a drinking habit," Yeonjun scoffed. "If I did, do you think I would be dead tired right now from not sleeping at all this week?"

"Studying?" Soobin asked.

Yeonjun rolled his head on the mattress so he was looking at Soobin, his eyes surprisingly clear and bright in the darkness. "What do you think?"

"I think that you're not the type to lose sleep over a small fight."

Yeonjun laughed, a deep one that reached the darkest shadows in the corners of the room. "Was it a small fight? You looked ready to fling me off the roof of that building."

"Is that why you left?" It had taken all of Soobin's courage to ask and now his heart was racing a mile a minute; he couldn't quite seem to look over at the boy next to him. 

“No,” The answer was firm. Just as loud as his ‘get out’ before. Yeonjun sighed, “I probably deserved it. I just couldn’t handle my emotions- anything, really, that night. And when you just started asking those questions ... I didn’t want to think about any of it. It was easier to run.”

He could feel Yeonjun’s gaze on the side of his head. Soobin waited a beat, steeling his nerves before turning. This close, he could see that Yeonjun's eyes were still red-rimmed from crying earlier.

Soobin had always thought Yeonjun had the sharpest eyes, the edges pointed and knife-like. He’d never seen them look so soft before.

Maybe that was why he felt brave enough to ask, “Why did you … say that, do all that?”

Yeonjun raised his hand to his eyes, rubbing them. When he took his hand away, he was glancing at the ceiling once more. Soobin also looked away.

“My stepdad was a really nice guy. My mom met him when I was in high school. She’d been on her own for a long time, and I was so happy for them.”

Soobin hadn’t even noticed that Yeonjun’s tone had previously been warm, not until it slowly started to ice over as he spoke.

“Then they got married. He became my stepdad for real. I guess you could say he got less nice. You reminded me a lot of him, before it became real.”

Yeonjun didn’t continue. Soobin felt slightly numb, as if none of this was real. He worried, foolishly, momentarily, that this was all just a dream. The pain in his chest when he saw Yeonjun crying was just a steady ache now. “I’m sorr-“

“Don’t say that,” Yeonjun’s voice was only a whisper. “What are you sorry for?” They were the same words Yeonjun had taunted him with in the elevator, but they no longer hurt.

Yeonjun didn't give him time to answer the question. “You’ve done nothing wrong, fuck, I'm the one who should be apologizing.”

Soobin didn’t say anything; he didn’t even breath. He didn’t know what to say, he just knew he wanted Yeonjun to keep talking.

“I’m sorry,” It was just a whisper. As quiet as Soobin’s final question to him in the elevator.

Soobin glanced over to see Yeonjun looking at him again. The two boys shared a quiet smile.

Chapter Text

Winter was fully settling in now and it was getting colder by the day. The trees that lined the pathway from the coffee shop to the lecture halls — the one the five of them took each morning — were now bare. 

It had been a week since Soobin and Yeonjun had spoken in that dark room. Soobin didn’t quite consider it making up, or even making amends. It was more like they had just hit the reset button. 

And Soobin would be more careful this time. 

But everything he'd liked about Yeonjun before — his confidence, how easy he was to talk to, the brightness in his eyes when he smiled — only seemed to multiply each time they met, which was often these days.

Somehow the five of them had gotten in the habit of regularly spending time together: Walking to class, meeting for dinner, playing games and talking with them all crammed into either Hueningkai or Taehyun’s dorms.

Hueningkai had complained once that it made no sense for the five of them to crowd in a tiny room when Beomgyu’s entire luxury apartment was empty. But Taehyun had just said it was cozier this way and elbowed him in the ribs. That was the end of that discussion.

A cold wind blew against the boys as they walked on the tree-lined path. All of them except for Hueningkai had opted for thicker coats by now, and Soobin could hear Beomgyu’s complaint up ahead when Hueningkai dodged behind him and Taehyun so they could be his buffer from the wind — “Yah! Don’t use me as a shield!”

Soobin exhaled, watching his breath materialize and hang in the air — before he launched into a particularly long coughing fit.

"Don't get sick; exams are next week."

Breathing in the frigid air and holding back another cough, Soobin grinned, "You just need help with studying."

"Duh, I meant my exams are next week," Yeonjun quipped, though he reached over to help tighten Soobin's scarf.

"Why do you never ask me to help you study, hyung? We're literally in the same class.” Beomgyu had turned around and was walking backwards to talk to Soobin and Yeonjun, who had lagged behind the three of them.

Taehyun reached out to tug on Beomgyu's arm before he could walk into a trash can.

"If you helped me, I'd get a worse grade than if I didn't study at all, dumbass," Yeonjun shot back. Beomgyu stuck his tongue out but turned back around to avoid falling over.

"How come you and Beomgyu have the same classes? Isn't he in my year?" Soobin asked.

"I changed my major last year. We're both doing international business now." 

Soobin wrinkled his nose. Somehow he wouldn't have pegged either of them to that major. 

Yeonjun laughed out loud, bending forward slightly as if Soobin had told a particularly funny joke.

"What?" Soobin asked, perplexed, though a matching smile had appeared on his face, showing off his dimples.

"You look cute when you scrunch your nose like that," Yeonjun said, his eyes crinkled from laughing. He’d said it so casually, as if those few words hadn’t just sent Soobin’s heart into a sudden tailspin.

Yeonjun didn't seem to expect a reply though, continuing, “Yeah, I didn't want to. I don't think Gyu did either, but we’re both kind of stuck.“

“What did you major in before?”

“Dance,” the edges of Yeonjun’s lips were slightly upturned, eyes fond.

Soobin smiled; his hyung could be cute, too.

✧✦✧

The only sound that could be heard among the group of five boys in the library was the occasional turn of a page and the sporadic clacking of Hueningkai's incredibly loud typing as he hacked away at an essay. 

Exam season was fully on them now, which meant they practically lived here.

Yeonjun glanced up from his reading to stretch his neck and caught movement to his left. He fought hard to control his smile.

Soobin really didn’t know how to be subtle; Yeonjun had been catching the other boy sneaking glances at him all evening — again.

But even though he wanted to say something, Yeonjun knew as soon as he did, it would stop — and it was strangely endearing.

Beomgyu: 🤢🤢🤢
Beomgyu: can you two leave we’re trying to study here
Yeonjun: shut the fuck up
Yeonjun: like you and taehyun haven’t been giggling and passing notes
Beomgyu: WE’RE PLAYING HANG MAN
Yeonjun: absolutely sickening

---

Soobin: HUENINGKAI HELP I CANT DO THIS
Hyuka: JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES HYUNG
Soobin: HES GONNA SEE
Hyuka: JUST PRETEND YOU’RE GOING TO SLEEP
Soobin: NO THATS STUPID
Hyuka: THEN STOP LOOKING AT HIM ITS WEIRD
Soobin: ITS KINDA HARD NOT TO HELPHELPHLEP

Hueningkai’s snort from across the table made Yeonjun look up from his phone. “What’re you doing over there, Kai?” He teased. Over the past three days it had been easily established that Hueningkai was the worst at studying.

Without missing a beat, Kai peered over his laptop, looking Yeonjun straight in the eyes, “Socrates was full of bullshit.”

“Isn’t that the ‘Capital’ guy?” Beomgyu asked from the head of the table.

“No, that’s Karl Marx,” Taehyun said without even looking up from his notebook. Though now that Yeonjun looked closer, he was just concentrating on counting out how many spaces he needed to place for hang man. “They’re not even from the same millennia.”

Hueningkai squinted at Beomgyu, “Hyung, are you sure you’re a business major?”

Beomgyu grinned and thew an eraser at Hueningkai, which the younger quickly batted away — towards Taehyun. “Oh my god, hyung, why would you try to hit Taehyun with an eraser??”

Yeonjun snickered, moving some of his bangs away from his face — he needed a haircut. He leaned his head on his palm and glanced at Soobin — catching the other boy looking right at him.

Yeonjun’s expression turned into a full grin, winking at Soobin as the younger boys bickered around them. He caught the slight widening of Soobin’s eyes before the other boy looked away quickly, giving Yeonjun a clear view of pink ears. Caught ya.

✧✦✧

“We’re-“ Beomgyu exclaimed.

“FREE!” Hueningkai joined in until they were both just yelling nonsense in the middle of the campus courtyard.

Soobin laughed, his eyes turning crescents as his dimples became even more pronounced, even as he said, “You’re both so embarrassing, please stop.”

Before he could even finish his sentence though, Soobin heard another yell — faint but increasing in volume — and suddenly, Yeonjun was upon them and had swung an arm around both Beomgyu and Kai.

The three proceeded to jump up and down like madmen in their overinflated winter jackets.

“Please stop,” Soobin stressed, putting both of his mitten-covered hands up to his cheeks in an attempt to cover his face from onlookers.

Soobin caught sight of a brunette in a black jacket trying to sneak past them on the path, and quickly hopped over to loop his arms in with Taehyun’s. “Taehyun, help me, let’s pretend we don’t know them.”

“No, you’ve been seen with them, I don’t know any of you.”

But it was too late, because as soon as Beomgyu caught sight of Taehyun, he’d broken away from the other two, and had not attached himself to Taehyun’s back with both arms slung over the younger boy’s shoulders. “We’re free!”

“We’re going to be deaf soon, too,” Taehyun retorted, though his face had broken out into a wide smile.

Both Yeonjun and Hueningkai had caught up with the group, and they crowded around Taehyun, who was naturally in the center because Beomgyu would not move.

“What time are we leaving tonight?” Kai asked excitedly, as he linked his arm with Soobin’s.

“We can leave later,” Beomgyu said, before rethinking. “Or maybe earlier? We need to get food for the cabin, there’s nothing there right now.”

“Let’s leave at four,” Taehyun said, having resigned himself to the additional weight on his back in addition to his backpack.

“That’s too early! I haven’t packed yet.”

“I told you to pack last night instead of playing games, Kai. You finished your exams first!”

“It’s because Hueningkai can’t do anything without me. I was busy studying yesterday, so he didn’t know how to pack,” Soobin teased, grinning down at Kai — though he had to look down significantly less compared the start of the year.

Immediately, Kai shoved him away, playfully. “I bet you haven’t even packed yet either.”

“That’s besides the point-“ Soobin retorted, laughing.

“Okay, so let’s leave at four,” Yeonjun said loudly, cutting out the sounds of the two of them arguing. “And the last one to Beomgyu’s apartment has to drive the whole way.” He held up his car keys with a smirk.

“I don’t even know how to drive!” Kai complained.

Yeonjun gave Soobin a mischievous look, “Then I guess your hyung will have to drive if you’re last.”

Beomgyu cackled, glancing between Yeonjun and Soobin, “Deal!”

Chapter Text

Soobin was driving. But it wasn’t because Hueningkai was late.

An hour before they had been set to depart, Soobin had been busy tossing every decent piece of clothing he had into his duffel for their week-long trip when Taehyun and Hueningkai had knocked on his dorm room.

They were now sitting on Soobin’s bed, playing music and fiddling with their phones, occasionally sharing their screens and laughing, but Soobin was too preoccupied to join them.

“Hyung, you’ve put that shirt in your bag and taken it out twice already,” Hueningkai pointed out.

Soobin groaned, turning around with a hoodie in his hand. “I know. I don’t know if I should bring it.”

“Why not?” Taehyun asked, glancing up and at the shirt currently lying across the end of the bed.

“I don’t know, it’s kind of plain?”

“Yeah, it’s a white shirt,” Taehyun deadpanned, tucking his phone in his pocket and giving Soobin a wry glance. “Are you okay, hyung?”

Tossing the hoodie into the pile growing out the top of his bag, Soobin sat down on the bed next to the two boys — so this was why they’d come. “I don’t know why I’m so- so nervous.”

“You still like him, hyung,” Hueningkai said quietly. And in that moment Soobin loved Kai, the way he was able to say such things without judgement, without blame. He said it simply, like it was a fact, not inherently good or bad.

Soobin wanted to deny it, because if he didn’t, wouldn’t that make him the dumbest person alive? But his denial seemed to settle on the tip of his tongue, unable to actually form the words.

After a moment of silence, Soobin placed his face into his hands, repeating words he’d said so many times before, “I’m so stupid!”

Almost immediately Soobin heard shuffling sounds, and he felt the soft pat of a hand on his back. “You’re not, hyung.” The owner of the voice surprised Soobin so much he actually looked up to see Taehyun kneeling beside him on the bed.

“Don’t you think I’m so dumb?” He murmured.

“I see the way you look at him,” Taehyun said softly, deflecting the question, but showing that he supported Soobin anyway.

“I just don’t want to trust him again,” Soobin said, louder now, as if voicing his worries and thoughts made the constant swirl of uncertainty in his chest ease a bit. “I don’t want to be hurt again.”

Taehyun paused, as if considering Soobin’s words, before asking, “Do you think he’s worth the risk?”

“I barely know him, Taehyun,” Soobin said, shaking his head — mostly at himself.

“It doesn’t matter, is he worth it?”

Soobin glanced at his hands, now placed in his lap for a quiet moment, before nodding his head. For some reason, he had no trouble voicing this answer, “Yes.”

He heard Taehyun take in a deep inhale, before a hand landed on his back, harder this time.

“Okay then, hyung, you better finish packing,” Taehyun said, a thread of determination in his voice as he got up from the bed.

Before the two boys left, Hueningkai glanced back, pointing at the white shirt, “You look good in it, hyung, bring it.”

✧✦✧

They were now an hour into their five hour drive, with Soobin behind the wheel, Yeonjun shotgun, and the three younger boys in the back.

“If you put your feet up on the armrest one more time, Kai, I will tell Soobin to pull over and kick you out of the car,” Yeonjun said, glancing at the backseat through the rearview mirror.

“Hyung would never do that!” Hueningkai argued, though he sheepishly took his feet off the immaculate and, not to mention, leather console.

“I’m just the driver,” Soobin said, not bitterly at all, raising one hand in a show of surrender.

“You would let Yeonjun-hyung boot me?”

“If you hack the bluetooth one more time to play Jonas Brothers, I'm going to be the one to boot you,” Beomgyu said, from the other side of Taehyun.

Hueningkai’s only response was to give Beomgyu an innocent look, before taking out his phone.

“Quick, someone take it from him!” Soobin exclaimed.

Taehyun’s reflexes were fast, but Hueningkai’s arms were longer, and he successfully held his phone above his head as he connected to the speakers.

“Pull over!” Beomgyu exclaimed from the back, as both he and Taehyun continued to scramble towards Kai’s outstretched arm.

“I’m in the middle of a highway!” Soobin yelled back, as Yeonjun snickered before reaching out and switching the center console from bluetooth to the radio.

✧✦✧

The maknaes in the back had fallen asleep somewhere between hour three and four of the drive. They’d stopped at a grocery store earlier to pick up supplies before it got too dark, but the road ahead of them was now only illuminated with the car’s headlights and it was becoming less and less crowded as Soobin maneuvered them out of the city.

Soobin had thought Yeonjun had fallen asleep too, so he nearly jumped when he heard him say, “I think we’re almost far enough to see the stars.”

Leaning forward, Soobin tried to glance up at the sky, but couldn’t really make out anything. He heard the pop of the glove compartment and looked over to see Yeonjun pulling a headband on.

Soobin nearly drove into the road shoulder.

He jerked the wheel to avoid driving them off the road and heard Yeonjun chuckling next to him. “Don’t fall asleep on me; you have an hour left to go.”

Soobin refused to look back at Yeonjun. That slight glimpse he’d gotten had been too much already; he looked … good in a headband.

But he heard brief tutting next to him, and felt his eyes involuntarily drawn to the blue-haired boy again. Yeonjun had gathered the front part of his hair and was now tugging at it, glancing up unsatisfactorily, “I really need a haircut.”

“I think your hair looks fine, hyung.”

Letting go of his bangs, Yeonjun glanced at Soobin, a sparkle in his eyes — the kind Soobin had hoped to see in the sky earlier. “Just fine, Soobin?”

Soobin quickly looked back towards the road, suddenly worried that everyone’s lives were in his very, very panicked and sweaty hands right now. “Yeah, the length doesn’t look too bad,” He pretended he hadn’t heard the subtext to Yeonjun’s question.

“Hmmm,” Yeonjun was back to considering his hair. “This is longer than I’ve ever had it before. My roots are growing back, too. I should’ve picked up some hair dye earlier; I’m sick of this blue.”

“No,” Soobin said, too quickly, a bit too loudly, because he heard shuffling and a breath behind him. “No,” he repeated, softer now, “Your blue hair suits you.”

He didn’t know how to explain it. Soobin just knew, no matter who, they would never be able to pull off blue hair as well as Yeonjun did.

“Ha, thanks,” Yeonjun said; he sounded pleased. “Maybe I’ll keep it then.”

✧✦✧

They didn’t get to the cabin until ten, and by then the sky was already fully dark. After doing a meal in the kitchen and going outside to look at the stars — Beomgyu insisted — it was well past midnight when they retired to their respective rooms.

Soobin glanced around his designated room, no longer surprised that Beomgyu just had an empty cabin with enough rooms for them all waiting for him. He had just finished changing into his pajamas — a black hoodie and sweats — when a soft knock sounded on his door.

Thinking it was Hueningkai again, Soobin opened the door casually, “Did you forget your toothpaste?”

It was not Kai that greeted him. Sharp eyes and a smirk were on the other side of his door, causing Soobin to squeak in surprise.

“Nope, but I wouldn’t mind borrowing yours,” Yeonjun said, his lips curving up in a sly smile. Before Soobin could respond, or be too embarrassed, Yeonjun held up a pair of scissors for him to see. “If you’re not going to sleep yet, cut my hair.”

Soobin felt his eyes go wide and he opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “I- I don’t think I’m qualified to cut anyone’s hair.”

“Have you done it before?” Yeonjun asked.

“No.”

“Not even for yourself?”

“My brother always did it for me.”

“Okay, great, so at least you know how it’s done,” Yeonjun said easily, reaching over to grab Soobin’s hand.

Far too stunned, and perhaps flustered, to say anything, Soobin let Yeonjun lead him into the shared hall bathroom. The lights were already on and the sink was wet, presumably from when Yeonjun had rinsed his hair — which was now dripping small specks of blue onto the older's grey hoodie.

Yeonjun had already brought a stool from somewhere in the cabin and now, straddled it easily. Handing Soobin the scissors handle first, Yeonjun glanced at him expectantly, “Shut the door. In case you fuck up, I don’t want the others to hear me cussing you out.”

Soobin must have looked terrified as he reached over to click the door into its frame, because Yeonjun let out a bark of laughter, “I’m just kidding. I don’t care if you fuck up; I just want it out of my eyes.”

“I wish I’d recorded that, because you’re probably going to need a reminder when I’m done,” Soobin mumbled, taking the scissors from Yeonjun’s still outstretched hand.

Yeonjun ran his hand through his damp hair a couple times, shaking it out so his bangs now fell over his eyes, “Just don’t make me bald or anything, hotshot.”

Soobin nearly choked on the nickname, his hand gripping the scissors a bit too hard. He stood behind Yeonjun in the small bathroom, both of them facing the mirror in their makeshift barbershop setup.

“Come on, don’t be scared,” The words were low, warm and encouraging. It gave Soobin the final push to take in a deep breath and run his hands through Yeonjun’s hair.

It was soft. That was it. Soobin wouldn’t let himself think anymore on it.

“Close your eyes,” He said quickly. Leaning forward, he took an experimental snip from Yeonjun’s bangs, “Oh shit.”

Soobin could practically feel Yeonjun’s shoulders shaking as he laughed, though his eyes were still closed. “That’s exactly what everyone getting their hair cut wants to hear.”

Yeonjun’s light tone relaxed Soobin somewhat, enough that he also let out a small laugh of his own, “It’s not that bad; I think I just panicked.”

“Stop panicking and start cutting, I don’t want to be here all night.”

With that, they settled into a comfortable silence. Soobin moved slowly — careful not to mess up his hyung’s hair — but deliberately. After maybe twenty minutes, Soobin straightened, asking, “Okay, how’s that?”

Yeonjun opened his eyes, and Soobin had to look away. How were they always so piercing when the other boy didn’t even look like he was trying?

Yeonjun assessed himself in the bathroom mirror, running an experimental finger through his bangs. “Not bad, you might earn yourself a tip.”

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Soobin laughed, “What do you mean tip? I’m charging by the minute here.”

Yeonjun grinned big, “How much?”

“Two hundred thousand won,” Soobin said, straight faced.

“You are definitely not getting a tip then,” Yeonjun laughed, looking back at Soobin from the stool. “But if I’m going to be paying for it, do the rest, too.”

Automatically, Soobin reached out to brush his hand down the back of Yeonjun’s head. He’d gotten so used handling it earlier, it no longer felt weird or awkward, even if the other boy had his eyes open now. Soobin just wouldn’t look.

For a while, they settled into the rhythmic sound of Soobin’s scissors slowly opening and closing again. Just as Soobin was brushing a few loose strands away, Yeonjun spoke up, “Hey.”

“Hmmm?” Soobin hummed, too busy making sure his scissors were at the right angle.

“You didn’t tell Taehyun or Hueningkai about what I said that night, right?”

The sudden change in topic caused Soobin to straighten, his hand wavering slightly. “No, I- I wouldn’t do that.”

Their eyes met in the mirror; Yeonjun gave him a warm smile. “Okay, good.”

Soobin wasn’t sure if he should say what he wanted to, but then his conversation with Taehyun came to mind, unbidden. Is he worth the risk? Yes. “You can trust me, hyung.”

Yeonjun seemed to consider his words for a beat, their eyes still connected in the mirror. This one time, Soobin wouldn’t look away. It was Yeonjun that broke their gazes first, glancing down at his hands.

“Remember how I was … upset that night?”

“Yes,” Soobin answered, almost breathlessly. Not sure he wanted to hear this, but simultaneously wanting Yeonjun to continue so badly.

Yeonjun let out a loud sigh, “It’s kind of-“

“Fucked up?” Soobin asked. Somehow he knew what he’d been about to say. “It’s okay.”

Yeonjun laughed humorlessly, “Shit, I’m getting predictable.”

Soobin wouldn’t let him change the subject now though, not after he had been the one who brought it up; not now that Soobin felt on the precipice of something — a breakthrough? A connection? “It’s okay,” he repeated.

After a moment, Yeonjun spoke again, “I was supposed to go home that weekend. My mom hadn’t seen me since the summer, kept asking me to come back for the holidays.

“Things haven’t been good with my stepdad for a while now. It’s always been like that, but we had another one of our fights. I- I took things too far …” Yeonjun’s voice was steady. Soobin didn’t dare to move an inch, scissors forgotten by his side.

Yeonjun looked up suddenly, tilting his head back to glance at Soobin, face to face, without the barrier of the mirror. His voice was barely a whisper when he finished, “… and got kicked out.”

Yeonjun’s eyes were like glassy mirrors. If Soobin looked closely, he could probably see his own reflection in them. His first instinct was to say I’m sorry, but he’d learned better by now. “What are you going to do about school?”

Sucking in a deep breath, Yeonjun straightened, looking back in the mirror again. His voice was louder now, “The rest of the year was already paid off, I’ll be fine.”

“What about next year?”

“My mom’s the one with the money.” The words rang out in the bathroom. Soobin winced, hearing the implied meaning behind them.

“She’ll come around.” He said softly, hand reaching instinctively to smooth over the back of Yeonjun’s head. He felt the elder lean back slightly into his palm, as if seeking comfort.

Yeonjun didn’t respond, just hummed noncommittally. Slowly, Soobin continued with the haircut, understanding that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

When he finished, Yeonjun seemed to be in a better mood; Soobin hoped he’d helped.

Shaking out his almost dry hair, Yeonjun stood up, smiling at Soobin, “If you ever want a career change, consider taking up hairdressing.”

Soobin blew out a breath, moving his head from side to side to work out a knot in his neck, “As if, this was the most stressful hour of my life.”

Yeonjun angled his head from left to right in the mirror, “No, I’m serious this looks great.”

“I’m glad,” Soobin said, his dimples showing as he looked at his work. Yeonjun was right, it wasn’t bad.

“Thanks for the haircut, and the therapy session,” Yeonjun said, moving towards the door. His lips were upturned on just one side, though the smile reached his eyes. “You can send the bill to Beomgyu, he’s handling all of that for me.”

Yeonjun opened the door, a sudden breeze rushing in from the corridor. He’d already disappeared out the door, and Soobin moved to leave as well, but suddenly, Yeonjun peeked back in, blowing him a kiss, “Goodnight, honey.”

Soobin stood in the bathroom for another ten minutes.

Chapter Text

“I cannot believe we finally found something Taehyun isn’t good at,” Soobin said, staring a bit disbelievingly as Taehyun struggled to scramble over a boulder behind them.

“I cannot believe that something is hiking,” Hueningkai said, standing next to Soobin with his hand on his hips.

If it weren’t for the sweat lining the younger’s hairline and his completely determined, if not stubborn, expression, Soobin would have thought Taehyun was doing this on purpose so Beomgyu would help him.

“Are you good?” Yeonjun yelled from another rock a few meters away.

Since the weather had been good today, Yeonjun had somehow tricked — yes, tricked because no way would Soobin or Kai have agreed to an outdoor activity without some sort of witchcraft — them all into taking a hike.

Beomgyu had reassured them that they would take the easiest route in the area: one that bordered a scary deep ravine and required them to hop from boulder to boulder and climb actual cliffs.

They’d been going for the better part of the morning now, but Taehyun seemed pretty much at his limit.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Hueningkai suggested when Taehyun finally caught up to them. The brunette would have voiced his agreement if he wasn’t trying to catch his breath, so he only nodded enthusiastically.

“We’ve only been hiking for two hours,” Beomgyu said, loping his arm around Taehyun’s heaving shoulders.

“Why don’t you and Yeonjun-hyung hike the rest of the way? We’ll wait here, and you guys can pick us up when you come back,” Soobin suggested, shooting Taehyun a sympathetic glance.

Beomgyu looked over at Yeonjun, who was squatting on a jutted formation slightly over them. Yeonjun shrugged, “Sounds good; it’ll probably take us another two hours to loop back though.”

“That’s okay … we’ll just rest … enjoy the view,” Taehyun finally seemed able to catch his breath.

Beomgyu gave Taehyun a pat on the back and a granola bar from his backpack before he and Yeonjun disappeared over the next rise.

✧✦✧

Yeonjun and Beomgyu had hiked this particular trail many times before, so they moved quickly on their favored paths.

“Nice haircut, hyung,” Beomgyu said, not fooling anyone with his feigned nonchalance.

“Yeah, Soobin did a good job,” Yeonjun could already sense where this was going.

“So he did cut it for you!”

Yeonjun didn’t know why Beomgyu said it like he’d caught him committing a crime. “Yeah, what did I just say? Dumbass.”

Beomgyu was too single-minded in his questioning to acknowledge Yeonjun’s insult. Instead, he continued like he hadn’t heard, “What’s going on between you two?”

“Nothing,” Yeonjun said, launching himself onto a boulder. The next stretch included some careful footwork on a cliff straight into the ravine, so both boys paused their discussion in favor of not falling.

Beomgyu would not let it go so easily though. As soon as they were clear, he asked, “What do you mean nothing?” He indicated Yeonjun’s hair, as if evidence of the crime was right there.

“I mean whatever you think is happening isn’t.”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes so hard he nearly tripped on a rock, “Okay, hyung, you absolute idiot. Didn’t you guys talk at the party?”

“Yeah, we did,” Yeonjun paused, not wanting to bring up his stepdad; if he didn’t divert, Beomgyu would become too persistent. He’d talked about it with Soobin, but that was different — he had owed him that.

“What I did was messed up, so I apologized,” Yeonjun shook his head, hand coming up instinctively to brush his hair out of his eyes when he realized he didn’t need to anymore.

“You apologized?” This time Beomgyu tripped over a rock for real. He didn’t miss a beat in getting up though, brushing a bit of dirt off his knee. “And you’re gonna look me in the eyes and say nothing is going on?”

“It’s not like we confessed; we just talked and I said sorry. You really think he likes me after what happened?” Yeonjun shot Beomgyu a look that said he didn’t think very highly of his IQ — Beomgyu returned the same look.

“I think you like him after what happened.”

“No, I-we’re just messing around.”

“At least you got the mess part right,” Beomgyu said, a look of absolute disgust on his face.

“Shut up, not like you're making any moves.”

“He’s turned me down four times now, thank you very much,” Beomgyu sounded far too pleased for someone who’d been shot down that many times.

“And you’re still chasing him?” Yeonjun howled with laughter, having to pause on a flat rock to catch his breath so he wouldn’t fall. “Are you stupid?”

“At least he doesn’t hate me!” Beomgyu shot back, stopping next to Yeonjun. “Actually, I’m pretty sure he likes me, too; I don’t know why he’s being stubborn.”

Yeonjun only had one reply to that: “Mess.”

✧✦✧

“Why do you have an electric fire place, a pool table, a sauna and a movie theater downstairs but no working wifi in this house?” Hueningkai complained, as the boys crowded around Beomgyu’s laptop in the expansive living room.

Soobin was currently squished between Taehyun and Yeonjun on the couch while Beomgyu and Kai sat on the floor in front of them them. The five boys were watching the hotspot indicator on the laptop with bated breath.

“Guys, are we sure we want to even know?” Beomgyu asked, ignoring Hueningkai’s question.

"Also, why is there absolutely no signal here?” Hueningkai whined, ignoring him right back.

Beomgyu pretended like he couldn’t hear him, “What if we just check after? Didn’t we agree to disconnect?”

“It’s better to just get it over with,” Taehyun said, tapping on the laptop again to refresh the page — bingo.

Soobin sucked in a quick breath, heart suddenly racing. They all pulled out their phones to — finally, finally — make use of them for the first time in three days.

“We’re just checking our grades and that’s it,” Taehyun said — suddenly guardian of the laptop, ready to cut off all their connections at the first sign that Hueningkai was playing games.

The group of boys were hushed as they each tapped on their phones. Occasionally the ding of messages, stockpiled after days, filtered through the silence.

Soobin could feel the gentle thrum of nerves in his chest. He thought he did well, but … there’d been plenty of time to second-guess between finals and now.

“YES, that asshole didn’t actually fail me!” Beomgyu’s excited shout was the first thing to break the silence.

It was followed by Hueningkai pumping his fists in the hair and collapsing back on the plush rug, as if the rush of adrenaline had been too much for him.

“Holy shit, I passed.” Soobin glanced over to see Yeonjun’s wide smile as he looked at his phone screen. Yeonjun’s eyes flickered up to meet Soobin’s, his grin broadening until his eyes were wide with excitement, “Soobin, I passed!”

Caught up in Yeonjun’s infectious smile, Soobin mirrored his expression, eyes turning into crescents, a bubble of giddiness rising in his chest, “You did it!!”

Letting out a burst of laughter that was equal parts relief and elation, Yeonjun threw his arms around Soobin.

“Holy shit, it’s not a good grade, but I don’t have to retake fucking physics. Thank god!” Yeonjun’s exclamation was punctuated with laughter.

“Yes!” The two of them bounced on the couch in celebration, with arms around each other. “Congrats, hyung!”

They both stilled for a moment, Soobin’s mouth still stretched into a wide smile. In the back, he could faintly make out Beomgyu talking loudly to Taehyun, but very quickly Soobin’s attention returned to their embrace.

He could feel Yeonjun’s arms around his back — and if Yeonjun’s hair had been longer, before Soobin cut it, it might have been able to brush his cheek.

“What about you?” Yeonjun’s question was softer, in a normal tone, jolting Soobin out of the deliriously happy moment.

Tentatively, self-consciously, Soobin pulled back, feeling Yeonjun’s arms easily unlock as he moved away. “I passed,” he flashed his phone screen, dimples popping out as he grinned broadly.

Suddenly, he felt Yeonjun’s arms around him again, this time tighter, pulling him forward. He felt, just as much heard, Yeonjun’s shout of elation. He could feel the slight vibration against his now red cheeks when Yeonjun spoke to the others over his head, “We’re doing barbecue tonight!”

✧✦✧

Beomgyu rocked on his heels, pausing before the wooden door, arguing back and forth in his head. Finally, his impulse and impatience won out, his hand raising to knock — once, twice.

“Come in,” Taehyun’s soft voice was barely audible through the wood, but Beomgyu always heard it.

He quickly pushed open the door, head peeking in. “There’s still meat left downstairs if you want any. Soobin and Yeonjun-hyung nearly finished it all, but I saved some in the stove.”

Taehyun was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a towel around his neck, hair still damp from his shower. He shook his head, “I’m good.”

Beomgyu nodded his head eagerly, still leaning against the doorframe of Taehyun’s room. A moment of silence stretched between them, but Taehyun had never been one to not get to the point. “Can I help you with something, Beomgyu?”

Steeling himself, he stepped into the room, door closing behind him, but before he could get a word out edge-wise, Taehyun put his hand up, “If you’re going to confess again, save it.”

Perhaps someone less confident, less easy-going, less absolutely charmed by Taehyun would have gotten hurt or embarrassed and left, but not Beomgyu. Instead he stuck out his lower lip, pouting, “That was not what I was going to say.”

Taehyun’s pearly whites flashed as he smiled, shoulders lowering, “Okay, so what’s up?”

Beomgyu ambled towards the bed, sitting on the end in front of Taehyun. “Are you okay?” All semblance of teasing or joking was gone from Beomgyu’s face, only his eyes conveyed his simple innocence.

Taehyun nodded decisively, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You were really quiet at dinner.”

“You were really loud at dinner,” Taehyun answered back simply, chuckling slightly.

Beomgyu ducked his head, almost shyly, but Beomgyu didn’t get shy, “I’m always loud, that doesn’t count. There’s something bothering you.” He wasn’t asking this time.

Taehyun fiddled with the end of his towel, though he didn’t look away from Beomgyu — he wasn’t the type to avoid such things. His voice didn’t even waver when he spoke, “I didn’t pass my engineering course, Beomgyu.”

For a moment, Beomgyu thought maybe he’d heard incorrectly. But he wouldn’t show his surprise, that would only make Taehyun feel worse. Instead, he asked, “What happened?”

Again, Taehyun’s voice was steady, “You.”

“Me?” Beomgyu was the first to crack, with his voice shooting an octave higher.

For someone who now had to retake basically nearly all of freshman year, Taehyun’s eyes were surprisingly gentle, “Yes, you.”

Maybe the only indication of how hard it was for Taehyun to admit this was that he could no longer make eye contact with Beomgyu, staring at the other’s nose instead.

“That’s why we can’t date, Beomgyu. I can’t focus when we’re together. I just want to hang out with you all the time. I missed a lot of assignments, but thought I could make it up with my exam. I was wrong.”

Beomgyu blew out a breath, “I didn’t know …”

Taehyun shook his head, no trace of anger in his gaze. “I knew what I was doing. It wasn’t your fault; I just need to do better now.”

For the first time, Beomgyu felt slightly panicked, “What do you mean? We can’t be friends anymore?”

“We can be friends.” Taehyun’s unspoken words hung in the air — but nothing more.

“But don’t you like me, too?” Only Beomgyu could ask such an arrogant question but still make it sound honest.

Beomgyu knew he was taking a risk, but he’d already been turned down four times, what was once more?

“Just being friends won’t make this go away, Taehyun,” Beomgyu scooted forward on the bed, reaching to take his hands. Taehyun let him. “I didn’t know you were having trouble. But you’re so smart. I’ll make sure you study twice as hard now. I won’t even bother you for days if that’s what you need. But I don’t want to be apart when we both know how we feel.”

Taehyun was quiet, his only response a slight squeeze of Beomgyu’s hands. Taking it as encouragement, Beomgyu continued, leaning forward so they were face to face, close. “If you need to figure out how to handle this, handle us, that’s okay. But why can’t we just do it together?”

Taehyun blew out a slow breath, the scent of mint from his toothpaste enveloping them both. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head forward so their foreheads knocked together. They sat like that, with Taehyun just breathing for a moment.

Finally, just one faint word hung between them, a capitulation, a promise — “Okay.”

Chapter Text

A splash of water was followed by a loud squeal and “Save me, hyung!” Not long after, Soobin was also pulled into the cold shallows of the lake.

✧✦✧

Yeonjun smoothed a blanket over his waist as the tense music from the big screen trickled in one ear and the loud sound of Beomgyu crunching popcorn echoed in the other. A contented smile played across his lips.

✧✦✧

“I thought you said you were good at this, hyung?” Hueningkai taunted as he landed another ball in the solo cup with a plop. Beomgyu shot him a glare as he swigged his bottle — for the seventh time. Taehyun clapped from the sidelines.

✧✦✧

“I’ll miss this,” Yeonjun murmured, glancing up at the sky. Spread out on a blanket and wrapped in warm parkas, they’d just finished a late dinner and came out to look at the sky. Beomgyu had fallen asleep on Taehyun’s shoulder maybe twenty minutes ago.

Soobin looked over at Yeonjun, admiring once more his cat-like eyes, his round lower lip, the curve of his nose. “Me, too.” He pretended he was talking about the stars. 

✧✦✧

The morning of their drive back, Beomgyu made everyone check their rooms with a, “If you leave it here, it’s officially mine now.” 

The cold winter wind and a faint echo of laughter was the only thing left in this cozy, secluded getaway as their car pulled out of the garage.

✧✦✧

No, no, no, no, no. The one-word litany repeated itself in Soobin's mind as he checked his jacket pocket, his backpack and his small suitcase once more. 
He was currently standing outside his campus building. No way did he lose his dorm key.

Balling his cold hand into fists and feeling an uncomfortable flood of anxiety rush though him, Soobin glanced around at his things spilled across the front steps of the building. 

No key in sight. Did he leave it at Beomgyu's cabin? Was it in Yeonjun's car?

He really hoped it was the latter. With shaky hands, Soobin pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey?" Yeonjun's voice sounded different over the phone, deeper. And despite his panic, Soobin could feel his ears heat.

"Hey, are you home?" Immediately after Soobin asked, he regretted it. "I didn't mean home home, I-"

A chuckle came through the phone, cutting him off, "It's fine. Yeah I just got back; I don't live far from campus."

"Um ..." Now that it came to asking, Soobin suddenly felt nervous.

"What?"

"I think I might have left my dorm key in your car?" The words came out in a fast rush, and Soobin was quick to fill the silence after, too. "Do you think you could check? Or, I could come and see? It might have fallen when I was sleeping."

"Oh, yeah," Yeonjun sounded surprised, a note of concern mixed into his tone. "You're outside right now?"

"Yeah, I, uh, I can't find it, so I can't get in."

"Okay, wait, I'll look. I'll call you back."

"Okay, thank you," Soobin breathed a sigh of relief. After hanging up, he spent extra time going through his things again.

As Soobin was riffling through his bag, an awful thought came to mind. What if Yeonjun didn't call him back? What if he just left him out here?

Quickly, he tried to reason with himself. Yeonjun wouldn't do that. He's not like that. But the memory of Yeonjun's impassive face as his friends' laughter rang out around them suddenly resurfaced. Before Soobin could really drive himself into a panic though, the faint trill of his phone sounded.

He scrambled to answer, "Yeonjun-hyung?"

"Hey— I couldn't find it; I searched the back seats, too."

"Oh," Soobin blew out a breath, his heart coming to a stop for a second. A strong gust of wind blew, and he didn't even realize how cold he'd gotten until he shivered. "That's okay; thanks for looking."

“You got anywhere to go?” Worry colored Yeonjun’s tone, and Soobin could almost imagine his eyebrows coming together in a frown, slight wrinkles between them. A flutter went through Soobin’s chest. 

“Not really …” They had a week and a half of vacation left. Hueningkai and Taehyun had both gone home — their parents had picked them up from campus moments earlier, as Soobin waved goodbye. Beomgyu was flying back home tomorrow, too. 

“No,” Soobin repeated, softly, slightly embarrassed. 

“Come stay with me,” Yeonjun’s offer was instantaneous.

“Hyung, I- I don’t know.” Even before their trip, Soobin had already felt an inexplicably strong pull toward Yeonjun but being together in that cabin had multiplied it tenfold. Could he really make it through a week being heartsick and hopeful knowing Yeonjun didn’t feel the same way but liking him anyway?

“Don’t be stupid. I’m coming to pick you up right now,” Yeonjun’s statement was punctuated with the faint thump of a car door closing in the background.

Soobin’s protest never made it past his lips. Instead, he nodded slightly — until he realized Yeonjun couldn’t see him, “Sor-okay, thank you!” 

Soobin quickly hung up after, needing as much time away from Yeonjun and his voice before he was trapped — blissfully, luckily, worryingly — with him for a week.

✧✦✧

Yeonjun’s apartment wasn’t anything like what Soobin expected. Granted, he was only familiar with the cramped freshman dorms or Beomgyu’s extravagant loft, and it wasn’t like either.

The lobby had been neat, but understated. Yeonjun lived in a one bedroom, walls bare except for a few paintings Soobin didn’t have the chance to look at closely. Though it was simple, the furniture was sturdy — read: not from Ikea. 

Yeonjun may not have been as wealthy as Beomgyu, but it was clear he was well off, too. Or had been.

Yeonjun stood in the middle of the apartment, hip leaning against the back of the couch, giving Soobin a brief tour. 

“Kitchen,” he pointed at the open counters. “There’s nothing in the fridge right now; we can go shopping tomorrow.” 

“Bathroom,” his finger moved to a closed door on the far wall, one of two.

“Bedroom,” Yeonjun said, indicating the door to the right of the previous one, a slight curve playing on his lips. Their eyes met, Yeonjun’s were unreadable. Soobin held his breath; he was trapped in Yeonjun’s smirk. 

But Yeonjun's next words set him free. “I’ll sleep here,” Yeonjun tapped the plush sofa next to him. ”You can get the bed.”

“No, this is your place,” Soobin argued immediately.

But Yeonjun only shook his head, chuckling, he turned his pointer finger towards Soobin and motioned up and down, “You’re too tall, baby. No way can you fit on this couch.” 

Soobin felt a sudden flush in his cheeks at the nickname — baby. But he wouldn’t give in that easily. 

“You’re already letting me stay over. I shouldn’t kick you out of your own bed,” Not to mention, the thought of him sleeping in Yeonjun’s bed? Soobin’s heart was already leaping like crazy at the suggestion.

“Hmm,” Yeonjun hummed thoughtfully, strolling closer to where Soobin was still standing in the entryway. Much closer. Leaning in, as if sharing a secret, Yeonjun spoke lowly, “Or we could just share.”

Soobin knew he must be bright red now. And with Yeonjun’s strikingly sharp eyes so close, his brain was having trouble stringing two words together.

Laughing and pulling back, Yeonjun said, “Don’t worry, I’m just joking. I don’t sleep well with others — I kick too much.” 

Reaching over for the handle of Soobin’s suitcase, Yeonjun wheeled it over to the bedroom door, opening it and waving Soobin over, “Come on, I’m not going to bite.”

✧✦✧

Soobin fiddled with his glasses, a bit self-consciously, as he looked at himself in the foggy bathroom mirror. 

Everything smelled like Yeonjun. The shampoo he used, the steam from the shower, the towel he borrowed. It was a bit overwhelming. 

Earlier, they'd unpacked from the trip together, tossing dirty laundry into the wash. As Soobin started the dry cycle, Yeonjun had called for pizza, suggesting Soobin take a shower first since he was still sneezing and chilled from being out in the cold.

It was all so ... so domestic. It made Soobin want to wrap himself around Yeonjun and place a gentle kiss on his forehead and fall asleep just like that. 

He sighed. Why couldn't he just be happy with their current friendship?

Breathing out once more, as if all his problems and frustrations could be expelled somehow, Soobin turned to open the bathroom door. 

Almost immediately, he heard Yeonjun's voice from the living room, "Pizza is here." 

Yeonjun was lounging on the couch, remote in hand, eyes glued to the screen. "I don't know what you like to watch. I just started this true crime series; it's pretty good."

Soobin scrunched his nose, "Please not while we're eating."

Yeonjun's lips pulled up in a one-sided smile, "What? Are you squeamish?"

"Yes, very," Soobin laughed, plopping himself onto the sofa a respectable distance from Yeonjun. 

"Wait."

The word made Soobin freeze, perched on the edge of the sofa. He glanced over at Yeonjun, catching the other boy looking at him with a strange expression. It was a mix of shock and delight; Yeonjun's upper lip was pulled back in a grin, his eyes wide. "What?" Soobin asked, wide-eyed himself.

Almost instantly, Yeonjun was right next to him on the sofa, peering straight at his face. "You wear glasses?" The blue-haired boy's smile was open, his eyes still wide as he tilted his head, as if needing to see Soobin from different angles.

Leaning back slightly, Soobin raised his hand to his cheeks to stem the color rising there at Yeonjun's close proximity — again. "I-yeah, I only brought enough contacts for the trip."

A breath of laughter, Yeonjun's, drifted between them, as he casually reached out to pull Soobin's hands away from his face, leaning in even further so they were almost nose to nose. "You look so cute, like a bunny. May I?" 

Before Soobin could really process what Yeonjun was asking — may he what?? — the older boy had already reached up to cup Soobin's face in both of his hands. 

"Wha-" Soobin jolted slightly, though he didn't pull back.

A trill of pure joy filled the apartment as Yeonjun laughed, louder this time, slightly squishing Soobin's cheeks — and hence the rest of his face — in between his palms. "Soobin, why are you so cute?" 

Yeonjun was wrong. With his eyes alight and the brightest smile on his face, he was the cute one right now. But Soobin couldn't say that. Instead, he asked, "What are you talking about? They're just glasses."

"They look really good on you. You should wear them all the time."

Yeonjun's compliment set off that persistent flutter in Soobin's chest again. He could feel the heat of Yeonjun's hands on his face, making it almost uncomfortably warm.

"I'm glad you like them, I guess," Soobin mumbled, as Yeonjun brushed his thumb against Soobin's cheeks, pulled at them, and did other incredibly distracting things that made Soobin want to simultaneously run away and throw himself into Yeonjun's arms. "Since I have to keep them on for the rest of the week."

Soobin's words were slightly muffled because of Yeonjun's hands, and Yeonjun seemed to realize, pulling them away slowly, albeit reluctantly. 

Leaning his elbow on the back of the sofa, Yeonjun rested his head in his palm, a tender smile playing across his lips, "Ah, lucky me." Soobin's brain then pretty much fizzed out into white noise when Yeonjun reached over with his free hand to boop him softly on the nose.

As if not realizing the complete turmoil he'd thrown Soobin into, Yeonjun turned back towards the TV, picking up the forgotten remote once more, "So what do you want to watch?"

Soobin's lips trembled, he wanted to cry. Not because he was upset about what happened. But because he wanted to be able to hug Yeonjun without reservation, and call him cute in return, and kiss him senseless when he made him feel this warm, and it was terrible not being able to do any of that.

"Soobin?" Yeonjun glanced away from the screen.

Soobin schooled his features just in time, though he wasn't sure his smile was totally convincing. "I like baking shows."

✧✦✧

The sun had gone down hours ago, casting the apartment in a dark shadow. But Yeonjun didn't want to move — couldn't. 

He and Soobin had binged through an entire season of some people baking or making food or just juggling in a kitchen for all he paid attention to it — Yeonjun had been more focused on watching Soobin than the screen.

Soobin had fallen asleep part way through the last episode, and was now curled up on the couch. The only problem was the pillow he was resting his head on was leaning against Yeonjun.

Looking down at Soobin's sleeping face, Yeonjun smiled, reaching out to trace the bridge of the other boy's glasses. That was the most he dared to do. 

As the end credits of the show cast a slight glow on them. Yeonjun reached over to take off Soobin's glasses, placing them on the glass coffee table, before gingerly standing, picking the tall boy up, and carrying him into the room — not without a bit of effort.

Settling Soobin onto the bed proved to be challenging with his long limbs, but Yeonjun was patient. Once Soobin was tucked in, Yeonjun couldn't resist lightly swiping his bangs away from his face. 

"Goodnight, honey."

Chapter Text

The next morning Soobin woke up feeling awful. His throat felt swollen and scratchy, and he had a splitting headache.

As he slowly started to gain consciousness, Soobin tossed uncomfortably on the bed — trying to return to the numb bliss of sleep but unable to, because he was currently having trouble breathing through his nose.

Finally, Soobin blinked a few times, eyes fluttering open, confused as to why the light was so blinding. His window was on the other side of his dorm.

As his blurry eyes focused around the room, he noticed the wooden dresser, cream carpet and navy sheets — this was not his room.

As yesterday’s events slowly pieced itself back together, Soobin rubbed his eyes — which also felt so swollen. Why did he feel so bad? He groaned out loud, the thought of sitting up a little too much right now.

A light knock sounded on the bedroom door. “Soobin?” Yeonjun’s voice came through clearly — his walls must have been thin.

Not seemingly waiting for a reply, the door cracked open, and Yeonjun’s blue head peaked in, “Hey, sleepy bunny, it’s pretty late.”

“Hey-“ Soobin stopped, surprising himself with how hoarse his voice sounded. Furrowing his brows, his lips drew into a small pout, he tried again, “What time is-“ His voice petered out into a rough breath.

Stepping fully into the room, Yeonjun looked slightly conflicted, his lips twitching into a smile he was obviously trying to suppress. “Oh no, baby, your throat okay?”

Soobin still had an adorably confused look on his face. He cleared his throat but a sharp ache followed, and he winced.

Yeonjun walked over to the closet, riffling around before appearing with a plastic bottle of water. He approached Soobin, sitting on the edge of the bed and offered it to him, answering his question, “It’s one in the afternoon — I thought you were just tired, so I let you sleep, but you sound pretty sick.”

Groaning again, and feeling too awful to care how he looked or sounded in front of Yeonjun right now, Soobin propped himself up in bed, taking a grateful swig of the water. It soothed his throat but only momentarily.

The sudden weight of a hand on his forehead startled him. Yeonjun’s palm was warm. “Hmmm, I don’t think you have a fever.” The hand on his forehead swept through his bangs a few times. It felt so good that Soobin could feel his eyes drooping.

Just as quickly as Yeonjun had started, he stopped, removing his hand from Soobin's hair, and Soobin slowly blinked his eyes open.

“You haven’t sweat though ...” Yeonjun had a slight frown on his face, as if he was considering what to do.

Soobin remained quiet, taking another small sip of his water, too exhausted to do anything but stare up at the blue-haired boy.

Smiling softly, Yeonjun tapped Soobin’s nose much like he did on the couch last night. “Okay, bunny, I’ll make you some soup. My mom used to do that for me when I was sick. Wait here.”

As if satisfied with his decision, Yeonjun got up, pressing lightly on Soobin’s shoulder so he’d lie down — he didn’t have to try very hard, Soobin’s head felt so heavy he was thankful to be horizontal again.

The last thing Soobin registered was the slight click of the bedroom door closing. By the time Yeonjun returned with soup, he had fallen asleep again.

✧✦✧

Soobin didn’t know how it was possible but the next time he woke up — much later in the day since the sun was already gone — he felt even worse.

Not only did his head hurt, but the rest of him did, too. Not to mention, he was so, so cold. He was curled into a ball on the bed, simultaneously feeling like his throat was on fire and the rest of him had been dipped into a ice bath for the past three hours.

Shivering and scrunching the comforter closer, Soobin squeezed his eyes shut, briefly wondering where Yeonjun was.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Soobin faintly registered the sound of the door opening and soft footsteps coming closer. Soobin smelled the strong scent of Yeonjun — from his body wash, as he found out yesterday.

A gentle hand landed on his shoulder, before slightly shaking him, though in Soobin’s current state, it felt like he’d just taken the crest of a roller coaster.

Soobin let out a ungraceful whine, but he was hurting too much to be self conscious right now. Again, he felt a weight on his forehead and he tried to shake it off, but Yeonjun was persistent.

Through all this Soobin still had his eyes closed, so when no more movement or sound came, he thought Yeonjun had left. Until it felt like his body was being pitched off the bed — in reality Yeonjun had just sat down next to him, causing the mattress to dip.

“Hey, are you awake?” No answer. “You’re really burning up. I got some medicine today, but you need to eat something first.”

Maybe if he pretended like he was asleep Yeonjun would leave him alone.

But no, another round of light shaking followed, causing Soobin's brain to feel like it was scrambling itself in his skull. “No ...” he mumbled softly, not sure if that one word was even intelligible.

Soobin felt Yeonjun’s hand brush through his bangs again, and he shivered slightly, but didn’t try to shake him off again. It felt good.

“You need to get up to take some medicine, honey.”

The rhythmic swipe of his hair gently coaxed Soobin to open his eyes. The room was dark and blurry, but he could make out the vague shape of Yeonjun’s face. He tried to crack a smile but his lips felt dry.

Yeonjun reached over to the nightstand for the water bottle, opening it and to holding it up to Soobin’s mouth so he could take a sip. “I warmed up the soup. Do you think you can have some?”

Even though his whole entire body ached and the last thing he thought his throat could handle was swallowing any type of food, Soobin still nodded.

He wasn’t sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him or if Yeonjun really gave him a dazzling smile.

Soobin must have closed his eyes again, because he heard some shuffling on the bed, and the next thing he knew, arms were under his back and arms, slowly lifting him up so he was leaning against a mountain of pillows.

“I’m so cold,” Soobin managed to mumble — the only coherent thought to run across his mind and make it off the tip of his tongue.

“I know, honey, you’re burning up right now,” Yeonjun said, his tone one someone would use for a small child.

“No, I’m cold.”

A small chuckle sounded next to him, “This will help; drink it slowly.”

Soobin, still with his eyes half-lidded, felt something warm and smooth press against his lips. He took a gentle sip. It hurt.

He must have said it out loud because Yeonjun cooed again, “I know it does; just one more.”

Another spoonful of soup, and then another and then another was fed to Soobin. He lost track of how many times he’d swallowed, only that his throat was simultaneously more and less in pain now.

After what felt like an hour but was probably no more than fifteen minutes, Yeonjun spoke again, “I’m going to give you some medicine now, you need to swallow these.”

Soobin heard the tap of pills against a bottle, and felt Yeonjun pressing two against his lips. Eyes opening fully, he could see the minimal light from the lamp across the room reflected in Yeonjun’s gaze. He was so pretty.

Opening his mouth, he let Yeonjun slip the two pills in, then drank from the water bottle he held up.

As soon as they were down, Soobin said again, clearer this time, “Hyung, I’m so cold.”

“It’s the fever, baby.”

Soobin scrunched his nose, “Stop calling me that.” He never would have dared to be so direct with Yeonjun before. But something about the fact that he felt on the verge of death made it seem less scary to face everything else.

Yeonjun only smiled, leaning forward with an arm propped up on the mattress, “You don’t like it?”

“I like it too much,” Soobin mumbled. Though he didn’t seem inclined to explain any further.

“Baby?” Yeonjun prompted, the smile was still on his face, though his eyes were carefully studying Soobin’s expression.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” Soobin pouted, his brows pulling together.

Yeonjun reached out to smooth his thumb over the space between Soobin’s brows. “What do you mean, baby?”

“I said stop!” Soobin’s voice was the loudest it had been the whole night. Granted, it was scratchy and hoarse so it’s wasn’t even as loud as his regular speaking voice. But his message was heard clearly.

Yeonjun’s hand immediately began softly combing through his hair. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. But will you tell me why?” His tone was placating, coercing.

Soobin’s mouth was pinched into a a slight frown, even as the tide of everything he’d been holding back from the past day, their whole trip, and — if he was being honest with himself — even before then, came rushing out.

“Don’t call me baby if you’re not s-serious. Every time you call me ... my heart skips a beat, but you’re only teasing with me or, or messing around and that hurts,” Soobin’s words came out a jumbled mess — partly because of his deliriously high fever, partly because there was no eloquent way to voice the turmoil of emotions he felt.

“It hurts because I really like you, hyung. But you’re just saying that and calling me th-that for fun. And it gets my hopes up every time; I hate that I get so happy and I don’t want to be played with and made a fool of because I’m the only one that feels this way. I want to stop feeling so- so stupid for loving you.”

Soobin was breathing heavily now — his head was an aching mess and his throat was burning — but his chest was light. It felt so good to finally say it, even if this wasn’t how he wanted it to go.

Throughout Soobin’s whole speech, Yeonjun hadn't stopped running his fingers through his hair, and the continued rhythmic motion slowly rocked Soobin back into a sense of calm.

His vision was slightly blurry, whether from sleepiness or his poor vision, but he could’ve sworn there was a slight shine in Yeonjun’s eyes, although his expression remained the same — just a soft, small upturn of his lips.

When Yeonjun finally spoke, his voice was tender, “Let’s talk about this when you’re feeling better, okay? You should get some rest now.”

Soobin didn’t have the energy to argue, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. His eyes closed again easily. He fell asleep to the gentle motion of Yeonjun’s hand in his hair.

✧✦✧

Soobin’s fever broke early in the morning — around 3am.

Yeonjun had been sleeping restlessly. It was because he was concerned, he told himself, not because he couldn’t stop thinking about what Soobin said.

Despite his own insistence, Yeonjun found himself back in Soobin’s room — his room — too often just to check his temperature and occasionally change the cool, wet cloth he’d placed on his forehead.

Yeonjun had contemplated waking Soobin up to take another dose of medicine, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to face any more fever-driven confessions. He’d decided to let him sleep it off.

Lying on the lumpy cushions of the couch, Yeonjun stared up at the shadows playing across his apartment’s ceiling. But all he saw was the bright look in Soobin’s eyes and the way his dimples had appeared and disappeared as he spoke.

“I like you, hyung.”

Yeonjun wanted nothing more than to pretend he hadn’t heard Soobin’s sincere, ardent confession; he wanted nothing more than to hear him say them again.

The truth was Soobin terrified him.

Yeonjun didn’t want to think about how he made him feel. He hated the thought of needing someone, liking someone, letting someone else determine his happiness.

“I want to stop feeling so stupid for loving you.”

But he hated that more.

It was 5am when he finally succumbed to an exhausted slumber. By the time Yeonjun went to check in on Soobin again, he was already awake.

✧✦✧

Though he was still groggy and ill, Soobin woke up the next morning feeling much better. Unfortunately, that meant he was no longer in so much pain that he could put the thought of what happened last night out of his head.

Soobin wasn’t even sure exactly what he’d said, but he remembered the gist of it, and it was enough for him to feel a burning in his cheeks — not from the fever this time.

Sitting up in bed, Soobin ran his hand through his hair, sure it must look a mess right now. What were the chances Yeonjun was still sleeping and he could sneak past him to get to the bathroom?

Just as Soobin was about to get out of bed, the bedroom door opened, causing him to jump slightly. “Good morning,” Yeonjun said from the doorway.

Soobin couldn’t look at him right now. He hadn’t had the chance to fully process the magnitude of what he’d done last night. But it seemed like Yeonjun had a different idea. Soobin could hear him coming closer as he asked, “How’re you feeling?”

Soobin looked down at his hands on the comforter, mumbling, “Better now.” He paused. He really hoped Yeonjun would leave it at that.

Of course, Soobin wasn’t so lucky. Even with his head tilted downward, Yeonjun still managed to lay a hand on his forehead.

“Your fever’s gone; that’s good. Are you hungry?” Yeonjun removed his hand, but Soobin’s respite was short. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Yeonjun sifted his fingers through the top of Soobin’s hair, sorting through the tangled strands.

Soobin shook his head, both as an answer to Yeonjun’s question and to dislodge his hand. “Hyung, stop I-“

“Sorry,” Yeonjun removed his hand. “I didn’t know you didn’t like that, too.”

Soobin felt his heart drop. Of course, he’d known Yeonjun didn’t like him in that way. Of course, he’d been stupid to even think otherwise. But Soobin would be lying if he said he hadn’t awoken with a little bit of hope.

“No, it’s okay. I- I shouldn’t have said all that last night. I think I was just kind of, I don’t know, I just wasn’t thinking really. I-“

“Ah,” The small exhalation from Yeonjun cut Soobin’s ramble short.

Soobin felt a warm hand tucking some of his bangs away, “I know you told me to stop, but I really want to see your face right now.”

Soobin couldn’t avert his gaze if Yeonjun said it like that. He raised his head, meeting those sharp eyes that had so quickly become his favorite.

Yeonjun’s fingers traveled from Soobin’s bangs to his temple until he was cradling his cheek. Soobin didn’t shake him off this time.

Their eyes held for a moment before Yeonjun smiled, “I’m really scared of liking you, Choi Soobin.”

That was not what Soobin had expected to hear. He’d been bracing himself for a gentle let down, a “thank you for telling me, Soobin, but I don’t feel the same way.” Instead, he didn’t quite know what Yeonjun meant. Soobin scrunched his nose, confused, “You’re scared?”

Soobin watched with wide eyes as Yeonjun slowly leaned forward. His expression was unchanging, that warm smile still on his face; it was just suddenly much, much closer to Soobin’s.

“Yes, I’m terrified,” Yeonjun whispered, before closing the distance between them. Before Soobin felt a soft weight press against his lips; before his eyes automatically closed; before all the air in his lungs disappeared. But in a very, very good way.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun pulled back, and the gentle pressure against Soobin’s lips faded away. Reluctantly, Soobin opened his eyes, blinking a few times as if in a daze. 

The morning sun filtered through the closed blinds. Yeonjun’s features were lit with a honeyed glow, a slight pink on his cheekbones — this was the first time Soobin had seen him blush. 

Soobin’s brain was blank except for the replay of warmth against his lips, the slight tingle it left and the soft brush of Yeonjun’s nose against his own. Scrambling to fill the quiet space between them, he blurted out the first coherent thought that entered his mind, “I- hyung, you’re going to get sick.”

Yeonjun pressed his lips together, as if to smother a smile, “Soobin, I just told you that I like you, too, maybe that’s not important right now.”

I like you, too. The words hit Soobin squarely in the chest. He was far too scared to blink in case he woke up, still with a fever, alone in the dark.

“Soobin?” Yeonjun leaned forward, whether to place his hand on Soobin’s forehead or kiss him again, Soobin never found out, because his brain had finally caught up, and he remembered what Yeonjun had said before.

“Why are you scared?”

Yeonjun leaned away again, huffing, an endearing pout on his face, “Can’t you just say I like you back?”

Soobin’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. When Yeonjun pretended to be spoiled like this, he was adorable. “I already said it first, hyung. I like you.” 

Soobin watched as Yeonjun blew out a low breath, his head turning away slightly as if he couldn't look at Soobin right now. The color on his cheeks was also darker, giving him a rosy hue in the yellow light. “Ah, I was right to be scared of you.”

It was now Soobin’s turn to lean forward, laughing lightly, though he wasn't bold enough to reach out like Yeonjun had — yet. “Why?”

“I'm really bad with ... things like this, Soobin."

"Things like what?" Soobin was almost breathless, never having seen Yeonjun like this before. Even when Soobin had found him crying at the party, he'd never seemed so ... vulnerable.

Yeonjun groaned, covering his face with his hands briefly. When he finally looked at Soobin again, his expression was conflicted, "Feelings, liking someone. God, do you know I barely slept at all last night?"

It was Yeonjun's unguarded admission that finally gave Soobin the push to reach his hand over and brush away a bit of the other boy's blue bangs. Yeonjun looked slightly startled, though he didn't move away. 

"Now you know how it feels," Soobin teased, finding that flustered Yeonjun made him feel just a bit more courageous. It was a revelation that even someone like Yeonjun could get shy. 

A corner of Yeonjun's mouth tilted upward in a lopsided smile, "Don't be mean, I'm serious."

Soobin laughed softly, brightly, reaching out with his other hand, too, to cup Yeonjun's face and run his thumbs lightly over the dark circles barely forming under the other boy's eyes. Yeonjun let him. 

Soobin paused for a moment, seeing all the things that he’d liked about Yeonjun from the start in a new light: The way his eyes tapered into fine points, his natural pout that had made him oh so intimidating, the earrings that he wore so casually that had felt cool against Soobin’s fingers now when he cupped Yeonjun’s face.

When Soobin spoke, it was softly, “Okay, serious, don't you think I'm scared, too? What if you decide you don't like me anymore? What if you- you really hurt me again?"

Soobin hadn't meant for it to come out like that. He thought he'd gotten over it — Yeonjun had apologized. But it must have been harder to suppress old worries and fears than he'd thought.

Yeonjun's eyes rounded, as if surprised, but slowly grew sad, resolute, as he said back, just as softly, "I'm afraid of that, too."

Slowly, Soobin lowered his hands, leaving the two of them to stare somberly, earnestly, longingly at each other.

"So what do we do?" Soobin finally broke the silence, an uncontrollable grin creeping its way into his expression.

“Just be scared?" Yeonjun asked, the edges of his eyes becoming sharper as his smile grew.

"Together?" Soobin replied, his dimples gently coming into view.

"Okay." 

"Okay."

✧✦✧

“I can eat other things besides soup now, you know?” Soobin asked teasingly from the couch as Yeonjun disappeared into the kitchen with the empty bowl.

“No way, we still have half a pot left. I made this for you, so you’re going to finish it all,” Yeonjun said, very self-satisfied, as he walked back into the living room. “And who said you could sit up?”

“I don’t feel sick anymore, hyung,” Soobin said, his voice just on this side of a whine, though he dutifully laid down on the couch once more. It had already taken fifteen minutes of assuring that he was “much better now” for him to be allowed out of bed.

“You’re still sick; I don’t want you to get a fever again,” Yeonjun patted him on the head before lifting Soobin up slightly, so he could sit back on the couch.

Soobin laid his head in Yeonjun’s lap — like they'd been when he’d fed him soup earlier. He felt Yeonjun’s fingers run through his hair before picking out a strand and playing with it.

The buzz of the television hummed softly in the background as Soobin closed his eyes. “Hyung, you really like playing with my hair, huh?”

“Hmmm, yeah, it’s really soft. Unlike mine, it’s practically fried,” Yeonjun laughed.

“Why did you dye it blue?”

“Beomgyu went blond, and I said I could do it better.”

Soobin couldn’t help but chuckle, “You were right.”

Soobin couldn’t see Yeonjun’s proud smirk, “Don’t let him hear you saying that. Next thing you know he’ll show up at your door with red dye.”

Soobin’s chuckled turned into a full on laugh, “I would look so bad.”

“I would literally break up with you.”

Soobin opened his eyes, “You would not.”

Yeonjun only responded with a coy smile, small dimples showing at the corner of his mouth.

Soobin couldn’t help but grin in response, his eyes closing again. “If you feel so threatened by me outselling you, just say so, hyung.”

“You might be cute, Soobin, but there’s no way that will happen.”

A slight frown appeared on Soobin’s face, and he cracked open an eye again, looking up at Yeonjun when he asked, “No more ‘baby’?”

“Oh what? You like that now? Do you miss me calling you ‘honey’?” Yeonjun teased, letting go of the strand that he was playing with to tap Soobin on the nose.

Soobin pulled a disgusted face, causing Yeonjun to tip his head back and laugh. “I do not miss honey. Are you my grandma?”

“Well, I’ve tried out a lot of different nicknames, haven’t you noticed?”

“Yes, please never call me hotshot again.”

Yeonjun snorted, “I forgot about that one, but don’t worry, I won’t make that mistake a second time.” He gave Soobin a wink, to which the younger reacted to with a look of mild offense.

“Okay, no ‘hotshot’ or ‘honey’. So what do you like? Baby?”

Soobin closed his eyes, too embarrassed to look at Yeonjun when he nodded. All he heard in response was a considering hum. Soobin wanted to see what expression Yeonjun wore, but he didn’t dare look.

After a moment, he whispered, “I like bunny, too.”

Soobin could almost sense Yeonjun’s smile when he responded, “Okay, I can work with that.” His hand resumed playing with Soobin’s hair, and they fell into a comfortable silence, content for now.

✧✦✧

By the weekend, Soobin had fully recovered from his cold, and he finally, finally checked his phone to seventeen missed calls from both Taehyun and Hueningkai. The last time he’d spoken with them was when he messaged that he was in Yeonjun’s car on the way to his apartment.

Soobin winced slightly — he hadn’t ghosted them on purpose. He’d been sick and then the past few days had been … nice, just being with Yeonjun, the two of them talking about nothing and everything and enjoying each other’s company.

Hueningkai: OH MY GOD HES DEAD
Hueningkai: YEONJUN HYUNG KILLED HIM
Taehyun: maybe he did something embarrassing and just died from it
Hueningkai: SOOBIN HYUNG IM GOING TO AVENGE YOU
Hueningkai: QUICK ask beomgyu where yeonjun hyung lives
Taehyun: beomgyu said he hasn’t heard from him either maybe they’re both dead
Hueningkai: or he RAN AWAY AFTER KILLING SOOBIN HYUNG
Taehyun: his apartment is by campus how are you going to get there
Hueningkai: MY MOM WILL DRIVE ME
Taehyun:: bet tell her to come pick me up

Soobin: i can’t count on either of you, if you thought i was dead at least CALL THE POLICE

——

“You’re fucking brave. I’ve left Beomgyu on read this whole week,” Yeonjun said, laying his chin on Soobin’s shoulders, peeking over at his phone. “Also, why does Kai think I’m a serial killer?”

“Taehyun thought so, too, which means you must really give off that sort of vibe,” Soobin joked, tucking his phone away again. He immediately felt it vibrate but Yeonjun was saying something about dinner.

Soobin thought his phone would stop, but the vibration just kept going and going and going. Were they calling?

Taking out his phone, he saw Hueningkai’s face on the screen. Yeonjun looked over from the kitchen, and seeing Soobin holding his phone, he called out, “Please pick up before they actually call the cops on me.”

Flashing his dimples and a shy smile, Soobin ducked into the bedroom to take the call. “Hey ...”

“OH MY GOD HYUNG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??”

Hueningkai’s voice had reached decibels Soobin didn’t know the human ear could perceive. “Kai, it’s okay, stop yelling.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN STOP YELLING? I THOUGHT YOU DIED!”

“I didn’t die.”

“I KNOW THAT NOW BUT IT’S BEEN THREE DAYS!”

“I got sick; I slept for a like a day and a half,” Soobin said, pulling his phone away to try and buffer some of Hueningkai’s screams.

“Sick? Are you okay, hyung?”

“Yeah, I’m better now.”

“OKAY THEN I CAN KEEP YELLING AT YOU, WHERE ARE YOU?”

Soobin let out a loud laugh, “I’m still at Yeonjun-hyung’s.”

“Oooh, so you really couldn’t find your key?”

“Yes! What are you trying to say?”

“I mean, are you sure you didn’t pretend to lose your key so-“

“No!”

“Okay okay,” Hueningkai’s voice was placating but it was obvious he didn’t believe him. “So how has it been?”

“Uh, it’s been … really good,” For some reason, Soobin felt shy about saying ‘we kissed’ or ‘we’re dating now’.

“Let me guess, you’re dating now.”

Soobin nearly choked, letting out a light cough before asking, unconvincingly, “What makes you think that?”

“Hyung, I am not stupid even though I got a 68 on my pre-calc final, but we do not talk about that.”

“Okay so …” Soobin paused, feeling a blush on his cheeks though there was no one here to see it. “We’re dating.”

“YES I WIN THE BET!”

“Bet?”

“Don’t feel too bad, hyung; I made the bet with Beomgyu, and he’s rich.”

“That’s not the point, you guys bet on us?”

“Well, duh, none of us are stupid, even though Beomgyu didn’t know who Karl Marx was, but we don’t talk about that either.”

By the time Soobin hung up on Hueningkai — “Congratulations, hyung, but if I have to see you two kiss next time we meet, I might just throw up.” — he could feel a slight headache coming on.

He opened the bedroom door to see Yeonjun in the kitchen and the smell of olive oil permeating the apartment. “What are you making?”

“Aglio e olio.”

“Are you sure it’s going to be edible?” Soobin approached the kitchen, glancing wearily at the heated pan.

In the week he’d stayed here, he hadn’t seen Yeonjun cook even once. The soup didn’t count, because he was pretty sure Yeonjun just threw some ingredients, salt, and chicken stock into a boiling pot of water and called it a day.

“I’ve lived off this stuff for two years, and I’m not dead yet,” Yeonjun said, adding more oil to the pan. “Also, you want to tell me why Beomgyu just texted me a string of curses?”

Soobin spilled sheepishly, “I told Hueningkai about us. They had a bet going.”

“Damn, if I’d known, I would have rejected you and made Beomgyu split the profits with me,” Yeonjun joked, adding the noodles to the pan with a loud sizzle.

“Well, if I'd known, I wouldn’t have confessed, and Beomgyu and I would be rich right now,” Soobin mocked, bumping his hip with Yeonjun’s.

“Maybe, but then you wouldn’t have someone as cute as me as your boyfriend.”

Catching Yeonjun by surprised, Soobin smiled cheekily before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek, “You’re right, this is much better than lots and lots of money.”

Yeonjun turned away, a furiously shocked look on his face. Soobin had figure out that though Yeonjun was a very good flirt, he was not nearly as graceful on the receiving end. His hyung could be cute, too, indeed.

✧✦✧

“My dorm office opens again tomorrow, so I can go and request for a new key.” Though Soobin would be glad to get back into his room, he was reluctant, if not dreading, to leave.

“You could just stay here,” Yeonjun mumbled sleepily, his eyes remaining half-closed. Maybe Soobin had been a coward and waited until he knew Yeonjun was nearly asleep to bring it up.

“I can’t do that, hyung, I need to get my stuff, plus classes start in a couple days,” Soobin protested.

“Get your stuff and come back then, baby,” Yeonjun’s words were barely comprehensible but they still made Soobin’s ears turn pink.

“Either way, I need to go back tomorrow morning to get a new key,” Soobin said, turning to face Yeonjun’s sleeping form, deflecting.

“Do you have to pay for it?”

“Yeah, they’ll need to change my room’s locks,” Soobin said, actually regretful this time.

He heard Yeonjun’s soft sigh, “Soobin, don’t be mad at me.”

Soobin scrunched his nose, “Why would I be mad?”

Yeonjun slowly opened his eyes, gaze sharper than Soobin expected, considering he had been on the verge of falling asleep just moments before. “I found your dorm key after you called me.”

A jolt of something — shock, surprise — shot through Soobin, and he sat up, “You what?”

“It was in my car, under the seat. It must have fallen out when you were sleeping, like you said,” Yeonjun’s eyes were unblinking, his gaze gauging Soobin’s reaction.

“You- why didn’t you tell me?”

Yeonjun shrugged, though he did look mildly guilty, “I don’t know why I did it at the time. I just- wanted to spend more time with you, I guess. It was a spur of the moment decision; I really was going to tell you, but then I heard your voice on the phone and … I don’t know. I couldn’t let you go.”

Soobin stayed quiet, processing the information. His brain whirling from slight dismay to warm elation. He slowly laid back down.

“I know I said to not be, but you can be mad, Soobin,” Yeonjun said, after a few more beats of silence.

“I’m not mad,” Soobin said quietly. Though he had briefly wondered if he should be. His mood had decidedly settled on gratification, even maybe jubilation, though. It was mildly thrilling that Yeonjun had wanted to spend time with him even before he had confessed. Soobin turned towards Yeonjun again, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I’m actually kind of glad you did that, hyung.”

Yeonjun’s eyes were bright with delight when they met his, “Good, then stay here, please.”

Please. Soobin didn’t know why that word gave him a bad feeling, only knowing that he couldn’t refuse Yeonjun if he sounded like that, “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Soobin fell asleep that night with a smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Soobin could tell something was wrong. 

All day, Yeonjun had been checking his phone, but then leaving it untouched without even picking it up or unlocking the screen.

A few times, Soobin had peeked over, curious about what it was — though he felt slightly guilty about snooping — only for Yeonjun to slip it in his hoodie or place it facedown on the table. 

It was after another one of these occurrences that Soobin finally worked up the courage to ask him about it, “Hyung … is everything okay?”

Yeonjun gave him a wry smile, a sad one that made Soobin’s heart give a slight pang of pain, “Sorry, I haven’t been really good company today, and on our last free day without classes, too."

“It’s okay,” Soobin said, softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Yeonjun rubbed his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his frown. They were, again, on the sofa; this time with their backs against the armrests, facing each other, feet intertwined in the middle. “Maybe?”

Soobin took a note out of Hueningkai’s book, repeating what the maknae had said to him that night when he’d been bawling his eyes out about — ironically — Yeonjun, “I’m here.”

For some reason it felt like the right thing to say, and Soobin couldn’t help but remember the soft “please” from the blue-haired boy the night before. How out of place it had sounded coming from Yeonjun — who had never pleaded with him for anything before.

Maybe he just needed to be here right now.

A lulling quiet filled the apartment, and Soobin thought that maybe Yeonjun didn’t want to talk about it after all — which was okay. But just as he was about to change the subject, Yeonjun spoke, his tone low, “My mom texted me yesterday. Actually she’s been messaging me a lot since we got back from our trip, but I'd just been ignoring everyone.”

Soobin perked up, hopeful by nature but not really believing anything good had come of it based on Yeonjun’s demeanor. “What happened?”

“She’s willing to give me the money. It was mine anyway, left by dad, mainly,” Yeonjun wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

Soobin scooted forward. It was uncomfortable for his long legs to be scrunched so, but the discomfort barely registered, “What else did she say?”

“That’s it,” Yeonjun’s tone was flat, detached. That’s all she’s willing to give.

Soobin hesitated. He wasn’t good at these sort of things. He knew that there was more, he could practically hear the words Yeonjun hadn’t said, but he didn’t know how much he should push.

Instead Soobin pivoted, “Are you going to take the money?”

“It’s mine anyway,” Yeonjun repeated, his voice still steady. Suddenly he pressed the heel of his hands to his eyes, throwing his head back and groaning. 

Soobin felt a deep ache in his chest — he hated seeing him like this. Once more he felt his heart break for the Yeonjun, who had seemed so like the devil when he'd approached him in that hallway — but was anything but. 

As if on autopilot, Soobin reached forward, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun’s waist and hugging tight. “I’m here,” he repeated.

Almost immediately, he felt Yeonjun’s arms around his back, squeezing just as tightly as him. They sat like that for a moment, giving and taking.

“I switched my major because she wanted me to, you know?” Yeonjun said suddenly. He hadn’t let go, so Soobin could hear the rapid beating of Yeonjun’s heart against his ear, or maybe that was his own. 

“He had gotten it in her head that I should do what he does. I don’t know, maybe I thought it would make her happy. A year ago was when things really went to shit; maybe I thought it would help."

The still silence punctuated what Yeonjun didn't say more forcefully than if he had: It didn't. 

Yeonjun shrugged, “I met Beomgyu, so I guess something good did come out of it.”

Another long pause, one where Soobin gently rubbed his thumb over Yeonjun's hip, and Yeonjun threaded his hand into the back of Soobin's hair. 

“My stepdad ... he was always offering me things before, like he was trying to get on my good side. And I guess, like the spoiled brat I was — am — I didn’t even think twice. I thought it was just normal." 

Yeonjun sighed. Soobin felt a gentle weight against the crown of his head, and he felt Yeonjun's light breath teasing the strands there. “That’s where the resemblance between you two end though. You’re really nothing like him at all, thank god.”

Soobin gave Yeonjun another squeeze. He didn't quite know how to put all of these pieces Yeonjun was giving him together. If he tried hard enough, he could see a bigger picture, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. 

"I used to think really hard about why he hated me. Like I'd let it get to me more than I'd show," Yeonjun scoffed, his chest rising briefly beneath Soobin's head. "Turns out it wasn't anything I could control; he just hated that I was someone else's son.

“And he tried to hide it; he did it well at first, but maybe once he married my mom he thought he’d won or something. And he was right, my mom chose him after all.”

"What did he do?" The picture that was slowly coming to life was monstrous.

Soobin felt a light tug on his hair, and he glanced up to meet Yeonjun's eyes. There was a certain amount of levity in the older's expression, though something about it didn't sit quite right with Soobin. He wanted to lean up and press a kiss against his lips, but their arms kept him in place.

"It's not what you're thinking," Yeonjun said quietly. "He was never like that; he never hit me or my mom. He's not that type. He preferred nasty barbs, manipulative shit. The worst part is she won't even listen to me.

"I don't know, Soobin, maybe she is happy. Maybe I'm the one fucking everything up."

Finally, Soobin's long legs were good for something other than tripping over uneven sidewalks and accidentally kicking basketballs on courts. He slowly pushed himself up on the couch, leaning forward to give Yeonjun that kiss he'd wanted to. 

The conversation paused for just a moment. Soobin pulled away, "Not everything." 

Yeonjun's eyes were bright.

Soobin decided he would be brave — one of them had to be, “What else did your mom say?”

A brief smile flitted across Yeonjun’s lips — enough for now — before he closed his eyes, resting his forehead on Soobin’s shoulder. “She told me to apologize. That I could still fix things with him if I wanted to. That I should apologize, more like.”

Soobin heard the crack in Yeonjun’s voice too late. “Oh, oh,” he whispered, reaching up to smooth his hand down the back of Yeonjun’s head.

Soobin wanted to say more, ‘you don’t have to apologize’ or even ‘I’m so sorry’, something he hadn’t uttered since their reckoning in the darkened room in Beomgyu’s basement that felt so, so far away now.

But instead, Soobin just let Yeonjun cry on his shoulder as his heart broke for the boy who had begged him to stay last night.

Yeonjun was a silent crier, no wracking sobs or deep breaths. If it weren’t for the damp patch on Soobin’s shoulder, he would have thought the other boy was just resting.

“I think I’m done, Soobin,” the breath against his neck was hot, but Yeonjun’s words sent a chill down Soobin’s spine.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to apologize this time.”

Soobin really only had part of the puzzle, it was far more than he wanted to see, but not nearly enough to understand everything. “Are you sure?”

Yeonjun let out a shaky breath, turning his head so his cheek rested against Soobin’s shoulder. “Does it make me a weak bitch if I say no?”

Soobin released a thin string of laughter; it felt good, as if all the pressure and pain that had built up with Yeonjun’s tears was finally being let out. “Do you want me to answer that? I mean, who had to confess to who?”

Yeonjun’s head lifted from Soobin’s shoulder so fast, his eyebrows dipping in a mock frown. Though his eyes were still ringed with red, his lips more swollen than usual, Yeonjun still managed to look charmingly put out, “We wouldn’t even be together if I hadn’t kissed you first.”

“Would you have kissed me if I hadn’t said that I liked you?”

“Maybe,” Yeonjun grumbled, laying his head on Soobin’s shoulder again. His tone was petulant, “I would have done it; I was sick of waiting.”

Soobin let out a bark of incredulous laughter; it was freeing. “Okay, hyung, whatever you say.”

Yeonjun sighed, his free hand coming up to rub Soobin's earlobe gently, a habit he'd developed over the past week. “I’m not going to do it this time,” Yeonjun muttered.

“If that’s what you want,” Soobin said, suddenly nervous, suddenly not sure if this was best for Yeonjun. And just because he felt like Yeonjun needed it in this moment, Soobin said it again, “I’m here.”

“Thank you.”

The two of them sat in the middle of a pile of blankets on the couch, lost in their own thoughts while wrapped in the other. Maybe it was because they were both silent that the sudden buzz of a phone ringing seemed to thunder around the living room.

Yeonjun moved away from Soobin slightly and pulled out his phone from his hoodie pocket. The screen showed a pretty woman — she had Yeonjun’s lips.

Soobin wasn’t sure what came over him, but before Yeonjun could hang up, Soobin reached for the phone, not hesitating to swipe the answer button and hold it up to his own ear.

“Yeonjun?” The woman’s voice was clear, crisp, as if she was in the room with them. Soobin’s hand started to shake.

“Soobin?” Yeonjun sat stunned, his empty palm still up, as if he couldn’t believe Soobin had just snatched his phone out of his hand like that, had answered a call from his mother like that.

“No,” Soobin’s voice came out hoarse, so he cleared his throat. “No, this isn’t Yeonjun.”

“Who is this?” She sounded impatient. The petty voice inside Soobin’s head was pleased.

“Soobin, what are you doing?” Yeonjun whispered, eyes wide, though he didn’t make a move to take the phone away from him.

“Hyung, I just- I just want to talk to her,” Soobin couldn’t explain the rationale behind his actions. His hand was still shaking, and adrenaline was shooting through his veins, making him suddenly cold.

He couldn’t explain it, but seeing her face, albeit on a phone screen, and remembering Yeonjun’s distressed expression — Soobin wanted to say something.

“Who is this?” The voice on the other end of the line asked again.

Yeonjun didn’t make any other move to stop Soobin, instead his hand reached out to take Soobin’s free one, his grip tight. It seemed to say ‘I trust you, don’t fuck it up.’ Soobin really hoped so, too.

“This is his boyfriend,” Soobin answered, thankful that his voice didn’t crack this time.

“Boyfriend? Yeonjun doesn’t have a boyfriend. Give him the phone right now.”

“Maybe if you cared about him a little more you’d know he does,” Soobin could still feel a light dampness on his shoulder — his words came out with a bit more bite than intended. “My name is Soobin.”

“I’m Yeonjun’s mother. Can you give him the phone, please?”

“He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

“This is a private matter between my son and I.”

“Your son? Why would you treat your son like this?”

“Soobin, I don’t know what Yeonjun has told you, if you really are his boyfriend, but he should not be talking about private family matters with outsiders like this. You really don’t understand what you're involved in.”

“I understand that he deserves better from you.”

“You do not know anything,” her voice was cold. “He is not blameless — you have no right to make judgements about my family.”

“Soobin, it’s useless,” Yeonjun’s voice was resigned, as he placed a hand on his arm.

But Soobin shook his head, determined, his stubborn streak deciding that now was the best time to dig its heels in.

“I may not know everything, but I know that your son has been hurt by your actions — hurt by you. And whatever happened before, I hope you know you’re losing someone wonderful, someone who loves you, even if all you’ve done in this short conversation is blame him. He’s extraordinary, and you don’t even know what you’re missing out on.”

The silence at the end of the phone had Soobin checking to see if the she’d hung up. She hadn’t. He was about to place it back on his ear, when Yeonjun made a move to reach for the phone for the first time.

Soobin handed it over, relutantly, his other hand still gripping Yeonjun’s tightly.

“Mom?”

“Yeonjun, who was that? Why are you talking abou-“

“Don’t call me again,” Yeonjun’s voice could almost be considered gentle, but his tone was too cold.

The only thing that followed after was the hollow dial tone.

Chapter Text

The five boys met, as they always did, in a booth at the coffee shop on campus.

“Where’s Beomgyu-hyung?” Hueningkai asked, taking a tentative sip from his cup. “I can’t believe I had to buy my own drink this morning.”

“I called him fifteen times, and he only answered once to moan about being tired,” Taehyun said, shrugging. “I can’t babysit him if he doesn’t want to wake up.”

“No, you’ll only call him fifteen times,” Yeonjun teased, arm slung easily over Soobin’s shoulder.

The morning sun shone brightly into the shop as students milled about and the occasional sound of steam from the espresso machine zipped through the store. From the outside looking in, it would be hard to tell that two weeks had passed since the last time they were here. That a lot had changed, too.

“Don’t act like you didn’t have to practically carry Soobin-hyung here; I know how hard he is to wake up,” Taehyun said.

“I woke up on time today,” Soobin mumbled around his croissant.

“Are you guys living together now or what?” Hueningkai asked, never one to beat around the bush just like Taehyun never let a barb go unreturned.

“No, I, uh, have my dorm key now, so I’m still staying there,” Soobin said, despite the fact he’d only been back to grab a spare change of clothes and some toiletries in the past week.

“Okay, hyung,” Kai mouthed in an exaggerated fashion, a look of absolute disbelief on his face. “Can you just say you’re living together already, so I can make more money off Beomgyu-hyung?”

“How much did you bet?” Yeonjun asked playfully, eyebrows raising.

“Why do you wanna know?” Kai returned, suspicious.

“I want a cut, duh,” Yeonjun said. “I’m not going to let you rob Beomgyu alone.”

“I can’t believe you’re all conspiring against me,” Beomgyu’s voice drifted from behind the booth, and they all turned to look at the blond who had a mock look of dismay on his face.

“This is what you get for oversleeping,” Taehyun said, grinning and getting up from the booth to hand Beomgyu a cup. “Let’s go, we’re going to be late.”

As Hueningkai waved goodbye — not before whispering “30,000 won” to Yeonjun — Soobin turned to leave, too, but was quickly pulled back.

“Not so fast, baby,” Yeonjun said, placing a quick peck on Soobin’s cheek. “See you later.”

Soobin felt his ears turn pink, but he didn’t really mind.

✧✦✧

“I thought you said the weather would be nice,” Beomgyu grumbled, as his arm tightened around Taehyun’s.

“Not nice enough to go without a jacket,” Taehyun said, giving Beomgu a look that screamed ‘you’re an idiot.’ “It’s still March.”

“I wanted to look good for the photos,” Beomgyu whined, pouting for Taehuyn’s benefit. “A good boyfriend would give his to me.”

“Not if said boyfriend doesn’t want to freeze to death,” Taehyun shot back, though he did disentangle his arm from Beomgyu’s to place it around the blond’s shoulders.

“Wait, this is a good spot,” Beomgyu said, halting in the middle of heavy traffic to point at a few trees with bright pink blooms speckled on its branches. Taehyun tugged Beomgyu out of the way so they wouldn’t get run over by the steady stream of people on the sidewalk.

As Beomgyu bounded towards the trees, Taehyun pulled his phone out, taking a few surreptitious shots. Even candids of him were beautiful.

“Make sure to get a good angle!” He heard Beomgyu yell. Taehyun gave the ‘OK’ sign, though Beomgyu was too far away to see him rolling his eyes, too.

The first time Beomgyu asked for photos, he’d instructed Taehyun for twenty minutes on what his best angles were and how to get good lighting. Taehyun wished he could forget. Even through the camera lens, Beomgyu’s smile was infectious though, and Taehyun could feel a grin creeping up on his face as he took photo after photo.

After maybe fifteen minutes of posing, Beomgyu yelled, “I’M SO COLD, TAEHYUN, HELP!” before rushing the younger boy.

Beomgyu’s high-pitched yell caught the attention of those walking past, but Taehyun only had eyes for the blond hurtling towards him at an alarming rate.

They crashed into each other — with Beomgyu immediately diving in between the opening of Taehyun’s coat. Taehyun felt the breath knocked out of him, a smile splitting his face as he wrapped his arms around Beomgyu.

Somehow in the mess, Beomgyu must have taken out his own phone, because Taehyun suddenly heard the click of a camera shutter.

And then a photo of them, laughing, heads pressed closed together, was shoved in his face. “I’m going to post this one,” he heard Beomgyu say.

✧✦✧

“Kai, get back here; we’re losing!” Yeonjun yelled, as Beomgyu’s incoherent screeches rang in the background to further prove his point.

“My ice cream is melting; why are you both so bad at this?” Hueningkai complained, setting down his bowl to pick up his discarded controller.

Taehyun’s dorm room had been punctuated with yells — “You’re literally going in the wrong direction!” and “Who let Taehyun pick Lucario??” — for the past four hours, as the boys had piled in with snacks and movies and video games after a long week.

After Hueningkai complained for the eleventh time that they wouldn’t let him eat his snacks, they opted for putting on a movie. The five of them gathered together in a makeshift fort on the bottom bunk bed — Yeonjun’s head on Soobin’s stomach with the younger idly playing with his hair.

Suddenly Soobin remembered something he’d meant to ask earlier. “How were your dance classes today, hyung?” he murmured as the opening credits started.

“Hmmm? Good,” Yeonjun hummed, his eyelids already half-lowered, a content expression on his face as the movie started. “They were really good.”

✧✦✧

The sound of wheels crunching on gravel was unusual yet comforting. As the car came to a stop, Hueningkai opened the door, letting the warm summer breeze whip through his hair. It was getting longer now; he’d let it grow through the winter and spring months — ignoring his parents' and Soobin’s nagging of “you can barely see.”

The five of them shuffled out of the car, with Taehyun shaking Beomgyu awake with a “Yah! Get up!” Hueningkai guessed that’s just how they showed affection.

It took Beomgyu three tries to jam the key in the lock he was still so sleepy, and when they finally walked in, it was like nothing had changed.

Hueningkai glanced at the plush cream carpet of the living room; the stately fireplace which he’d almost used to set the whole cabin on fire; the marble kitchen counters Beomgyu had made them wipe down more than five months ago.

It was good to be back.

✧✦✧

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Beomgyu yelled from the middle of his crowded apartment, his voice shrill enough to be heard clearly above the loud music.

“Who’s going to tell him midnight passed forty minutes ago?” Soobin asked, snickering with Hueningkai as they sat on the couch.

“He’s just using it to get Taehyun drunk again,” Hueningkai said, leaning forward to get a better look at the disgruntled brunette in the crowd.

“Someone needs to save him, because Beomgyu won’t stop,” Yeonjun said, appearing behind the couch, throwing both arms over Soobin’s shoulders.

“Hyung, are you drunk?”

“Hmmmm, no,” Yeonjun said, sounding very drunk while leaning his cheek on Soobin’s head.

“I will not be the last sober one,” Hueningkai said, immediately taking Soobin’s untouched cup — courtesy of Beomgyu, again — and downing it.

Suddenly Beomgyu himself appeared from the crowd, tugging Taehyun along with him, “Happy new year!”

Yeonjun gave him a wry smile, “Happy new year, you ass, it’s almost 1.”

His words seemed to go over Beomgyu’s head though as the blond quickly laid shot glasses down on the table and a handle magically appeared for him to pour.

Taehyun sat down on the other side of Soobin, shoulders slack, “Happy new year, someone tell him he’s not allowed to take another shot.”

“Happy new year, I can take his,” Hueningkai said, nabbing the bottle out of Beomgyu’s hands, though it was too late.

“Happy new year, I am not taking care of any of you,” Soobin said, as he watched with wary gazes as the rest of them picked up the glasses.

“You have to take it!” Beomgyu yelled, far too loud for how close they were.

Soobin grimaced as he downed the shot, lips pulling back and nose scrunching.

“Happy new year,” he heard Yeonjun whisper, feeling him press a light kiss into his temple.

Soobin smiled.

✧✦✧

Yeonjun leaned against the wall outside his lecture hall, the murmur of students steady in the background as he peered down the corridor. Still no sign of him. Checking his phone, Yeonjun bit his lip when he saw there were no new messages.

It’s okay. There was still time.

Just as the thought entered his mind, he heard a familiar, endearing shout, “Hyung!”

His favorite voice in the world. Turning his head, Yeonjun saw Soobin’s tall figure hurtling towards him.

Soobin came to a stop in front of Yeonjun, purposefully too close, so Yeonjun had to cling onto Soobin’s elbows to steady himself, the two of them standing only inches apart.

Yeonjun let out a giggle, “Baby, why are you rushing? There’s still five minutes before class starts.”

“I was out with Hueningkai, so I had to go home to get it, and then I forgot my phone there, so I didn’t know what time it was,” Soobin panted, taking deep inhales between every few words.

Yeonjun threw his head back, laughing at how thoughtful his boyfriend was. “Well, take a break, you sound like you’re going to hack up a lung.”

“Here, hyung,” Soobin passed his calculator over. It was warm from being in Soobin’s grip.

“Thanks,” Yeonjun said, giving him a dazzling smile.

Soobin’s breathing stuttered, “Hyung, if you want me to catch my breath, that is not the way to do it.”

“Then you better get going before I do something to really take your breath away,” Yeonjun teased, eyes still sparkling. “Hueningkai must be waiting, too.”

Soobin nodded, returning Yeonjun’s bright look, “Good luck on your exam, hyung.”

“I’ll try extra hard, just for you,” Yeonjun said, winking, before opening the lecture hall door and disappearing inside.

Soobin stood staring at the closed door for just a moment longer — a weird sense of recognition coursing through his chest in beat with his rapid breaths. But if he remembered that they had met for the first time, one year ago, in this exact hallway — or thought that it might have been fate that returned them to this same spot — he stayed silent.

After a beat, Soobin's soft footsteps carried him back down the hallway.