Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aizawa added 20 people to Class 1-A

Aizawa: Behave. Iida and Yaoyorozu are moderators. @ me if you need anything

Kaminari: Aw hell yeah this is going to be great

Kaminari changed their name to Outlet

Sero changed their name to Plug

Mina: Out. Get out of my good Christian surver right now

Kaminari changed Mina to LSD

LSD: You can stay nvm

Midoriya changed their name to Jello

Outlet: Explain

Jello: No bones = jello 

Todoroki changed their name to Thermostat

Yaoyorozu changed their name to Momo

Plug changed their name to WashiTape

Outlet: But we matched

WashiTape: Sorry Iida would have given me the “disappointed dad” look

LSD: Are we just ignoring the fact Todoroki made a joke with his name?

Uraraka: You don’t even know the half of it. He memes with Tsu in our group chat

Jello: It’s funny but he loves dark humor

Tokoyami changed their name to Murkrow

Murkrow: I heard someone mention dark humor?

Kirishima: Is this a new gc? Awesome! 

Kirishima changed their name to Rock

LSD changed Rock to Cutieshima

Murkrow changed Shoji to Hugs

CutieShima changed Bakugou to BakuSlay

Cutieshima changed LSD to Queen

Cutieshima changed Outlet to KamiNice

Cutieshima changed WashiTape to SeRose

Queen: That was so pure

Uraraka: Watch this

Uraraka changed their name to Mochi

Uraraka changed Iida to Sonic

Uraraka changed Thermostat to Lukewarm

Uraraka changed Asui to Froglegs

Froglegs: Cannibalism

Jello: They get cute names we get food-themed names. Seems about right

Jirou changed their name to Aux

Jirou changed Momo to CraftingTable

KamiNice: Nice

Sonic: Betrayed by my own kind. I know you mean it as the American restaurant but my brother has this same tag…

Sonic changed their name to Iida

Mochi: Change it back we matched

Iida: I’d rather not

Mochi changed Aizawa to Dad

Mochi: @Dad one of your two (2) respectable children isn’t giving in to my peer pressure

Dad: Good choice Iida. Don’t associate with Tensei

Iida: You learned the hard way didn’t you

Dad: I think you of all people should know that

Iida: Fair enough. Good luck, because I’m fairly certain he’s spamming your chat

Dad: You don’t even know the half of it. Have fun dealing with your pests while I deal with mine

Froglegs changed their name to Froppy

Iida changed Mochi to Space

CraftingTable changed their name to Momo

Iida: Every change your name to something appropriate. No matching names unless you’re dating because I don’t want the teachers to try and romantically pair us up again

Lukewarm changed their name to Issues

Jello changed their name to Green

KamiNice changed their name to Pikapika

SeRose changed their name to Flextape

Shoji changed Murkrow to Birb

Cutieshima changed their name to Hard

Queen changed their name to LSD

Mineta changed their name to Grape

Bakuslay changed their name to Grenade

Satou changed their name to Cake

Aoyama changed their name to Glitter

Hagakure changed their name to Whomst

Ojiro changed their name to Karate

Iida: Good. Now since that is done, you are welcome to converse on almost any topics. I expect you all know what is socially acceptable to talk about with each other but @ me or Momo  if you’d like to escape it

Momo: I agree! Also, if anyone ever needs something that you can’t go and buy because of the dorm rules, I’d be happy to make it for you!

Grape: Anything?

Momo: Almost anything. I do have lines I refuse to cross

Pikapika: Iida I’m shaking did you say that the teachers have tried to pair us up by who they think should date

Iida: They have a groupchat of it.

Flextape: ...are you a part of the groupchat

Iida: Yes! Tensei won’t let me leave! I’m their inside source! Help!

Grape: Why haven’t I been paired up with a girl yet. Tell them to pair me up with Momo or Tsuyu. They’re cute

Froppy: Iida I’m going to get Uraraka to float you into the sun if you do that

Iida: Talk to Aizawa if you want that. He’s in the chat too

Green: @dad is this true

Dad: @yamada @kayama

Yamada: Iida Jr you’ve betrayed us

Space changed Yamada to Screech

Space changed Kayama to Chloroform

Chloroform: I’m disowning you

Iida: Oh no, please don’t! However will I live!

Pikapika: You’ve corrupted the class rep

LSD: Shame on you

Flextape: Yeah, that’s our job

Screech: If you think this is his corrupted state you’re mistaken

Green: Wait, do the teachers actually pair us up based on who you ship?

Chloroform: Some of you. And not for hero training just in English for the projects

Issues: I’ve been with Mineta before does that mean I-

Hard: Oh my gosh Todoroki are you have an existential crisis

Issues: My constant state is an existential crisis

Birb: Oh? Mood?

Kouda: (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Birb: Not a mood?

Kouda: (o^▽^o)

Whomst: Kouda you’re so pure

Karate: @Issues you okay?

Issues: Nah but I haven’t been for years

LSD: We respect not being okay in this good Christain chat

Flextape changed Class 1-A to Good Christain Chat

Aux: Are you even Christain?

LSD: No but that’s besides the point

Cake: Is it impossible for us to stay on one topic? I want to hear more about the teachers shipping us

Iida: Oh yes, @dad @screech @chloroform would you please care to explain

Dad: @sonic Explain.

Sonic: Oh my gosh I can finally meet them now

Green: Ingenium is talking to us? I’m going? To scream???

Screech: That’s my job

Grenade: Oh hey Ten

Sonic: Kat, my man! How’s UA

Grenade: Those little shits I told you about still won’t leave me alone but I learned a new move by sparring one of them so I let them be

Sonic: Amazing, you should give me your visitors pass and let me see it

Grenade: 9 am Saturday?

Sonic: I’ll bring the compression sleeves

Iida: Wait just a moment

Rock: You’re having a normal conversation bro?

Aux: You two know each other?

Pikapika: ...I’m not a little shit

Sonic: Tenya you know that we’re good friends

Iida: No, I absolutely did not know that

Sonic: Do you just tune me out?

Iida: Yes, I do. Discussing with you will occasionally lower my IQ

LSD: Ouch that’s gotta sting

Sonic: Shut it Uniqua

Iida: Behave Tensei otherwise I will be required to use force

Flextape: If she’s Uniqua then am I Pablo?

Sonic: Duh

Sonic: Kaminari is Tasha, Kirishima is Austin, and Kat is Tyrone

Grenade: I will push you down the stairs don’t compare me to that orange moose

Screech: Hey no bothering the injured

Issues: I’m injured on the inside can I not be bothered

Space: Otw to bother Todoroki hmu if you wanna join

Issues: @dad Save me 

Dad: What Uraraka decides to do in her free time is none of my concern

Issues: Oh I see. I thought you were more of a hero than Endeavor. Yet here you both are. Leaving a child to their own defenses and corrupting their state of mind. Time to craigslist a new father again

Chloroform: Oh my gosh

Green: He’s like this every day don’t worry

LSD: Does it work tho?

Dad: Compare me to Endeavor again I dare you

Space: MOMO COME BRING ME A LADDER

Space: HE TIED ME TO THE CEILING

Iida: Aizawa you are a teacher these actions do not show leadership or set a good example

Sonic: Tenya

Sonic: All he eats is pouched and coffee, if that’s your life example please reconsider or seize associating with me

Iida: believe me. i’ve been trying to “seize associating” with you since I was 4

Pikapika: we’ve been trying to get him to act like this for ages, how did you do it

Sonic: Simple. Bribe him. Orange juice and library cards are like money to him

Froppy: So does agreeing to follow the rules

Rock: Do I have to have a pass to leave the school grounds

Momo: Kirishima, sweetie, where are you

Rock: No idea. The security guards waved to me when I showed them my license and I ended up in a store

Dad: ...dammit

Green: What store

Rock: Dunno. The words aren’t in japanese

Screech: You had english class 3 hours ago. At least tell me you can spell the word on the shop sign

Flextape: Woah dude that’s a lot to ask of a person

Rock: I got it! It says Tourist Attrition

Sonic: Better luck next time buddy. Maybe try the name ‘Tourist Attraction’

LSD: He’s dumb

Grenade: You of all people are not allowed to call him that

Whomst: Haha get rekt

Screech: Who’s getting him this time

Sonic: I’ll do it

Rock: Can I ride on the back of the chair 

Iida: Tensei do not say it. I know exactly what you are thinking and it will not end well

Sonic: If you sit on the feet pedestal things and harden yourself then you can clear the way while I elbow boost us back

Froppy: Iida just walked into the kitchen and is downing a very large cup of Kouda’s apple juice you broke him

Kouda: (・`ω´・)

Cake: I’ll buy you some more next time I’m out

Kouda: ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Karate: Cute

Karate: But uh how exactly are you getting Kirishima home Iida Sr

Sonic: Ew don’t call me that Iida Sr is my dad

Green: Ingenium is taken by our Iida though

Space: I vote we call him old man

Issues: He does have the complications with normal bodily functions

Flextape: He has the what now

Issues: He no walk. He has chair he scoot scoot around in

Sonic: Is that really Endeavor’s son?

Issues: We don’t mention that filth in here

Rock: Did you know that pigeons are very soft

Iida: Tensei what the fuck did you do

LSD: CLASS REP CURSED

Pikapika: GO PUT A QUARTER IN THE SWEAR JAR

Green: We have a swear jar?

Flextape: We made it for Bakugou but he won’t pay up

Froppy: I can make him pay using force

Space: Can I like have the jar of money when it’s filled

LSD: No we’re taking everyone out for acrylic nails when it’s filled

Rock: That’s cool and all but like can I keep the pigeon

Sonic: We named him Kiwi

Screech: I vote yes

Dad: I vote no

Chloroform: Shouta voted no so I’m voting yes

Rock: We have a class pet now!

Sonic: And I’ve made an impromptu trip into UA now!

Grenade: Did you bring the sleeves?

Sonic: Keep them with me 24/7 dude

Grenade: Meet you in 20

Issues: How do you two know each other

Iida: I’ve been asking myself the same question

Karate: My question on what we should call Iida Sr was never answered

Sonic: Call me God

Iida: I’m an atheist then

Space: ?

Iida: He does not exist to me

Dad: Tensei devoted your life to you and this is how you repay him

Iida: Yes.

Screech: Valid

Pikapika: Wait why did we so readily agree to meme and talk with the teachers

LSD: We hold absolutely no respect for them duh

Froppy: They’re kinda like those cool parents who are actually hip with the kids

Issues: Ah yes I love my Father, Papa, Aunt, and Uncle. You may know them as Aizawa, Yamada, Kayama, and Iida Sr

Dad changed Screech to Papa

Dad changed Chloroform to Aunt

Dad: If I have to suffer then you have to suffer

Sonic: Hold on a sec can I add my hubby then he can be Uncle 2.0

Issues: Can I add my unofficial cousin figure

Momo: Of course! The more the merrier

Iida: You do not have a husband Tensei

Sonic: He will be my husband eventually

Space: Adorable. Now add him so we can torment him

Sonic added Crawler

Issues added Birdie

Green: Oh my gosh is that the Crawler? Vigilante and unofficial pro hero?

Crawler: Ten what did you put me into

Birdie: Yeah Todo why am I here

Birb: Todoroki why must you darken my already depressed soul

Birdie: Wow you sure are dramatic

Issues changed Birdie to Cousin

LSD: Welcome to the dysfunctional family we call class 1-A

LSD: And the creep we can’t get rid off

Grape: I heard that

Space: Glad to see you know who you are

Crawler: Tensei may I please leave

Sonic changed their name to Uncle

Uncle changed Crawler to Uncle2.0

Sonic: No

Iida: I’m so sorry Haimawari

Uncle2.0: Hey Tenya. No it’s fine I guess

Flextape: Uncle you’re gay?

Uncle: A Guncle, if you will

Papa: More like gunk

Green: Can I please please please PLEASE get yours and Hawks autographs?

Uncle2.0: Um

Cousin: Shouto I hate you for doing this

Cousin: Yeah sure. You’re the finger-destroyer kid right

Grenade: Old man are you coming or what

Uncle: I’m literally 30 years old

Uncle2.0: I don’t know that seems kind of old to me…

Aux: We have an issue in the dorms

Issues: And this time it’s not me

Grenade: Don’t fucking look at me Mina I can feel your eyes

Rock: Kiwi is behaving I swear

Dad: Let me guess. Mineta?

Momo: Mineta.

Grape: I didn’t even do anything wrong

Froppy: Mineta we can see you right now and you have 5 seconds to run

Froppy: 4

Pikapika: Shit this is getting REAL

Froppy: 3

Froppy: 2

Froppy: 1

Papa: Only maim him a little Asui

Kouda: ( ＾▽＾)っ✂╰⋃╯

LSD sent a video

Cousin: UA seems lit

Uncle2.0: I’m so confused why was there a floating bathing suit

Whomst: Mineta is the pervert of the class but Dad couldn’t expel him since none of us have officially caught him doing anything. He was taking a picture of me. As. I. Was. Changing. So that’s me in the “bathing suit” and the rest of the girls beating the snot out of him

Uncle2.0: I’m

Uncle2.0: I’m so sorry I saw you like that please forgive me

Issues: Now I see why Iida approved of you. You follow the rules

Grenade: Did I miss the fucker get his ass whooped? Damn

Aunt: Hey no swearing kid

Green: I’m late but what did Kouda send

Kouda: (ﾒ￣▽￣)︻┳═一      ( • )( • )ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)   

Cake: Do I even need to translate?

Dad: Kouda as much as I approve we still have to slightly respect the little weasel

God: Worry not. I shall be having a conversation with the Mineta family very soon, seeing as they have already been contacted

Flextape: God is that you

God: Yes

LSD: Thank you for your services

Dad: Do I have to be present for those

God: Please think about what you just said, and what actions are needed. I’m positive you will reach the correct conclusion

Uncle: Nezu it has been too long teach

God: Ah, Iida Tensei, I’m afraid it has not been long enough so I will be leaving until that time has come

Iida: He ghosted you for 12 years and you bet he’s going to do it for another 12

Glitter: Mon ami, can you help me before I burn the couch

Issues: That’s my job but sure. For 500 won

Space: You have absolutely no concept of money

Uncle2.0: Wait this is UA class 1-A right

Froppy: A little slow on the uptake but yeah why

Uncle2.0: Hey I didn’t even go to that school give me some time to connect the dots

Iida: You have no idea who we are, do you

Uncle2.0: I have no idea who any of you are please forgive me. I only know of Tenya and Tensei and I think Grenade is Bakugou?

Grenade: Hey fuckers it’s roll call time

Aunt: Kayama Nemuri also known at the fabulous Midnight

Papa: Yamada Hizashi or Present Mic

Dad: Eraserhead. You’re that 19 year old sliding hero right

Uncle2.0: Um I didn’t know you were here. I’m 25 years old. I look young

Green: Midoriya Izuku but everyone calls me Deku

Space: Uraraka Ochako

LSD: Mina Ashido but call me Mina

Glitter: Aoyama Yuuga

Kouda: ☜(･ω･   )

Cake: Satou Rikidou

Pikapika: Kaminari Denki

Issues: Todoroki

Uncle2.0: Whi

Uncle2.0: Which one

Issues: Todoroki Shouto

Froopy: Asui Tsuyu and you better call me Tsuyu

Birb: Tokoyami Fumikage

Karate: Ojiro Masahirao

Whomst: Hagakure Tooru

Rock: Kirishima Eijiro

Aux: Jirou Kyouka

Momo: Yaoyorozu Momo, please refer to me as Momo or YaoMomo

Hugs: Shouji Mezou

Flextape: Sero Hanta

Dad: @america You can’t hide forever

Green changed America to Father

Father: Young Midoriya I trusted you

Father: Hello I’m All Might

Uncle2.0: Hi yes hello um yeah wow how are you

Space: You type how Deku talks

Green: I did not ask to be insulted like this

Issues: This is great I went from having no dads to 3 how lucky can I get

Cousin: Hold up just a sec. You have 3 dads, 2 uncles, 1 aunt, 1 cousin, 3 official siblings, and 18 nonofficial siblings?

Froppy: 19 nonofficial siblings. Shinsou hangs out with us some

Green: I can also relate to going from no dad to 3 dad how pleasant

LSD: Sad but cute

Rock: Who took Kiwi

Cake: Kouda is testing out different food to see what he likes

Rock: Oh okay bro thanks

Uncle: I’m never leaving UA again

Iida: Tensei you’ve been here for 2 days

Uncle: It’s the weekend

Grenade: He’s my guest he leaves whenever the fuck I say so

Papa: If you get him out of here I’ll teach you curse words in english

Grenade: Learned those bitches a while ago

Dad: Bakugou

Grenade: Aizawa

Dad: I will put the new student in the room directly next to yours

Grenade: Okay and? He’ll fucking regret it and comlpain his ass off to you. are you sure you want to do that

Uncle: Yeah! Fight them Kat

Green: Kacchan, Iida doesn’t want him here any long can you please tell him to leave

Rock: No offense Midoriya but you’re the least likely person he’ll listen to

Father: Young Bakugou please stop this nonsense. Young Midoriya will cry again

Grenade: Fucking fight me old man

Space: You made Deku cry

Uncle: I’ve been here 2 days and he cries everytime I see him, I don’t think that’s an uncommon occurrence

Froppy: that’s it I’m bringing in the big guns to make you listen to someone

Froppy: @Issues

Issues: Katsuki Bakugou I will not talk to you for three (3) if you don’t make Tensei leave

Grenade: I can deal with 3 damn days

Issues: I meant weeks

Uncle: WEEERFSYSFDEE

Uncle2.0: ?

Papa: He was just rocket blasted half of UA’s grounds but he managed to stay on his wheels

Uncle: I was sold out so Kat could keep on talking to his bestie but it’s cool I’m fine 

LSD: ? Um Blasty and Todoroki don’t talk

Rock: Yeah they do? All the time. Usually about homework

Space: Hm I’d like to know what this “homework” is about

Issues: We’ve been doing the English project that is due tomorrow

Grenade: Ofc we fucking finished it but this damn idiot won’t decide who speaks what yet

Pikapika: THERE WAS AN ENGLISH PROJECT

Papa: I’m disappointed in you

Momo: Present Mic, that’s not nice

Flextape: Ha, you forgot about it

Papa: Sero. You and Kaminari are partners.

Flextape: …

Flextape: Well rootin’ tootin’ tiddie shootin’ I’m about to yippee ki yay off this roof

Aunt: Is that your Snipe impression

Father: Oh no not another one

Green: asjhvghsds you good all might

Father: ...no

LSD: Correct answer

Chapter Text

Whomst: Can we get snipe in here

Sonic: Is Kan still alive

Rock: Imagine Cementoss in here-

Papa: They aren’t cool enough to be here

Dad: and you are?

Froppy: Ha. roasted.

Aux: Hold up just a sec

Aux: Is Eri living in the teacher dorms????

Green: Oh my gosh

Dad: …. @papa

Papa: @uncle

Uncle: @uncle2.0

Uncle2.0: @father

Father: @aunt

Aunt: fuck you guys

LSD: 25 cents lady

Aunt: wait

Aunt: @god

God: Eri? She doesn’t even go here

Pikapika: did you just

Space: He did

Issues: I got you fam

Flextape: please tell me he didn’t just say that

Issues added Shinsou

Issues: @shinsou is your sister in the dorms

Shinsou: Platonic sister? Yes. Official sister? Don’t have one. Yet.

Dad: Really. You said you wouldn’t tell 

Shinsou: shit hi dad hey papa 

Green changed Shinsou to Shinson

Shinson: why shinson

Green: sadly you aren’t a part of 1-A yet so you have to have a family name

Dad: Midoriya

Dad: You’re wrong

Froppy: He’s about to cry take it back

LSD: Yeah he has no backbone you gotta treat him like a baby

Shinson: Aizawa was just going to say I’m transferring Thursday

Issues changed Shinson to Insomnia

Insomnia: Why did you want to know that Jirou

Aux: Cause I just saw Nejire run past with Eri on her shoulders

Papa: Snipe was supposed to watcher her today

Whomst: Oh, he's having a little breakdown at the moment

Karate: Tooru, honey, what did you do to the poor man

Whomst: He ran into me again! It’s not my fault he can’t see the floating uniform

Hugs: Ah, that explains why he asked me to put a tracker on you

Grape: Oh but when I ask that I get expelled

Issues kicked Grape from the chat

Issues: Good riddance you filthy fucking creep

Space: Pay the swearing fee rich boy

Space: HEY!

Space sent a video

Father: Young man that language is not acceptable

Dad: I’m letting it slide since you got rid of the pest

Birb: The video isn’t loading what is he doing

Issues: Apologies, I shall repeat the song over text. “Yeah, and you know juggalos ain’t never afraid to cuss. Open the windows and let it out. Come on! Here we go! F*CK SH*T P*SSY *SS MOTHERF*CKING D*MN B*TCH. B*TCH D*MN MOTHERF*CKING *SS P*SSY SH*T F*CK”

Froppy: And that was after he threw a handful of money at Uraraka. While twirling/jumping around and yelling his heart out

Grenade: Fuck yeah Icyhot

Cousin: Is that what you do when Endeavor isn’t around

Momo: No, he does similar things when Endeavor is around. I’ve seen him at the galas

Iida: Yes, he is quite the passive aggressive troublemaker

Issues: Speaking of causing trouble @dad can I get a pass out of school grounds

Dad: It’s 8 pm on a Thursday night what do you need it for

Cousin: Me and him gotta go pick his drunk brother up from a party

Sonic: Natsou? Isn’t he the good one?

Cousin: That’s Fuyumi. Natsou is the 2nd best but he likes to go against Endeavor

Cousin: He’ll be with me if that’s any relief. It shouldn’t be too long to get him home and settled

Dad: What is your relation to the Todoroki family

Green: He’s entered protecting dad mode oh no

Cousin: Dated Fuyumi for a bit, worked with Endeavor some, and attended a few galas as him

Papa: You can go Todoroki just be back by midnight

Issues: Sweet thanks Mic

Uncle2.0: I’m a whole day late but why was your brother drunk? He’s like 19

Issues: He thought that the bottles of water in his friend’s house were actually water so he chugged one before he realized

Pikapika: I thought he was the smartest Todoroki

Cousin: Book smart not street smart

Aunt: Todoroki you’re in class get off your phone. And hawks you’re on patrol at least try to follow the rules

Issues: Okay old lady

Rock: She accidentally released her quirk on us could we get some help

Kouda: (＿ ＿*) Z z z  (＿ ＿*) Z z z ＼(º □ º l|l)/

Uncle: man UA be wildin

Father: I am on the way but with a small passenger. Are Sero or Momo awake?

Momo: Don’t worry I made masks for the few of us who are and I’m trying to make a box for her but glass is hard to create

Rock: It’s only me, Momo, Kouda, Tokoyami, and Ojiro so we can’t do much

Father: Oh no can you please make me a mask and a smaller child sized one

Karate: I’ll just meet you in the hallway to entertain Eri

Father: Yes please thank you. Make sure the gas doesn’t get released that much though

Uncle: Hold on you’re brining a 7 year old near a room with gas that knocks you out

Karate: No he’s bringing a 7 year old to me and I’m taking her to climb a tree

Uncle: That’s like marginally better

Dad: Where’s my kid

Karate: Look out the window

Karate sent a picture

Uncle2.0: Aw she’s so cute look at her smile

Uncle: Great now you’ve given him baby fever

Birb: Aizawa looks like he wants to kill you in the background

Karate: Yes but he’s holding a passed out Mina so the feeling is like watered down

Uncle2.0: Can we get one pretty please Ten

Rock: Dude I can recommend a great adoption place for you guys. They’re totally down for same sex coupes too

Uncle: We aren’t married and shouldn’t you be helping your classmates

Birb: I mean they’re already passed out and in a safe environment what more can we do. Midnight is in a gigantic hamster ball and wearing a hazmat suit

Momo: Recovery Girl is on the way as well

Rock: @uncle2.0 do you want me to send a link to the adoption place’s website?

Uncle2.0: Oh no it’s fine Ten is right that we aren’t even married so can’t adopt haha

Kouda: @uncle (・`ω´・)

Uncle: ? did I do something?

Kouda: (ಠ_ಠ)

Uncle: Can I get a translator?

Rock: Our main and backup translator are sleeping rn

Birb: Yeah but I’m the 3rd best in the class at translating

Birb: Essentially, he’s saying he’s mad/disappointed and you’ve fucked up

Uncle: At what?

Birb: He wants you to figure it out

Papa: Yeah yeah he messed up but is Eri okay??

Karate: She’s still just chilling in a tree with me, petting my tail. You should come show her dark shadow Toko

Birb: Let me check Midoriya’s pulse and I’ll be there

Cousin: I’ll give you 6000 won to draw a mustache on Todoroki

Uncle2.0: @birb why did you say that so casually????

Birb: Just another depressing day with class 1-A

Kouda: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Uncle: Kouda or whatever your name is I will wheel myself into UA and figure out what you mean just tell me man

Rock: Woah bro don’t talk to Kouda like that

Uncle: I just want to know what I did!

Uncle2.0: Looks it’s fine just drop it

LSD: He domr goofes

Rock: She’s still a little loopy

God: Oh dear, please do not mention this to your parents as anything other than a training exercise otherwise I will have a lot of paperwork to complete

Karate: Gotta love the words of wisdom spoken by the principal

God: I will expel you, you overgrown monkey

Kouda: 凸(`△´＃)

God: You too

Momo: Please don’t upset them they’re helping us at the moment

Karate: Yeah Eri is reading these too do you want HER to cry

Dad: She’s what now

Birb: Sitting on the ground and petting dark shadow while we show her things on our phones to read and laugh at

Dad: If she has a single scratch on her I will personally see that you fail the next test

Dad: And Tensei, Haimawari is upset that you indirectly said you wouldn’t marry him

Uncle: Wait no I’m sorry don’t think that Koi

Karate: That’s a harsh way to put it even for you Aizawa

Papa: Mirio said he’d watch over Eri so you two can help

Papa added Perv

Karate: I’m not leaving Eri with him

Perv: I can explain the name I swear

Perv: Your name is whatever the last change is right? That’s over all the platforms. Um, Nejire changed it to perv after I fell through the floor into the girl’s bathroom

Perv changed their name to Mirio

Issues changed Mirio to Tintin

Issues: hehe

Birb: Ignore him. He’s also loopy

Karate: Eri wants you to take her back to your class so she can say hi to your friends so hurry over here before she runs off

Tintin: Can you not watch her

Karate: I’m an average looking boring person. She can only be amused by my tail and phone for so long

Uncle2.0: Oh boy can I relate to that

Rock: Hey bro UA is a place that doesn’t tolerate any form of self-bullying so be nice or you’re going into the jar

Uncle2.0: the jar????

Momo: Don’t say it like that

Momo: The jar is our own platform where if you text it you get all of 1-A shown up at your dorm room with blankets and snacks. You can technically pick and choose the people you want there (like write their initials after the text) but we’re still cheering for you in our heads

Dad: That breaks the curfew rule and the no opposite gender rule

Grenade: we’re gay you think that’s been stopping us from kissing? Hell nah

Uncle: I forgot he gets mellow when high and drunk. That was a shock

Aunt: I’m sorry have you let him get high and drunk??

Uncle: From hospital visits and pain meds. High on the pills, drunk on the liquids. What did you think

Iida: Tnesie yorue dumb as fcuk

Tintin: Is that your class rep? Is he okay??

Kouda: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Karate: Have you ever seen us okay

Tintin: Fair

Tintin: Nejire and Tamaki say hello

Rock: Man, Amajiki! Tell him his favorite bro from Fatgum’s agency says hello

Tintin: Oh you make him turn into his corner. It’s cool though he says not to respond which is a good thing, trust me

Uncle2.0: I… I don’t know who this little boy is

Tintin: The feeling is mutual

Uncle2.0: I’m Tensei Iida’s um friend. His little brother is Tenya Iida, the fast kid from 1-A?

Tintin: Oh yeah! I’m Mirio Togata top of 3-A and my hero name is Lemillion. Are you a hero?

Uncle2.0: Ah I’m a uh

Uncle2.0: @Uncle

Uncle: Don’t worry honey I gotchu. He’s known as the Crawler, the vigilante that wears the all might hoodie. Not officially a hero but he still kicks ass

Tintin: I see. So you two are dating. I don’t have an issue with gay people. Would be a tad bit hypocritical of me, if you know what I mean

Green: I kenw it

Green: @space pay up bicth

Pikapika: SWEAR JRA

Tintin: I’m going to regret being added to this aren’t I

Uncle2.0: Yes you will

Cousin: Nah they grow on you

Insomnia: This is our down time. When they’re drugged out of their minds

Tintin: I see…

Tintin added Wavy

Tintin added Twiggy

Tintin: This is a great way for people to bond!

Uncle: You don’t want to be stuck here alone

Tintin: Oh wow would you look at the time! It’s nobody asked you o’clock!

Father: Please don’t be rude to him. He’s sensitive

Iida: Bully my brother and I kick your ass

Uncle: He’s still high as balls isn’t he

LSD: It’s fraekign g r e a t

God: They’re going to tell their parents! I can sense it! Goodbye!

God disabled chat for 17 hours

Good Christian Chat is online

Issues changed Good Christian Chat to Platonic Fam

Issues: haha nice

Grenade: Go the fuck to sleep icyhot it’s 4 am

Issues: hmm

Issues: no.

Issues: wait fuck shIT NO GET BACK

Green: Did Todoroki just die 3 hours ago?

Momo: Midoriya it’s 7 am on a Saturday go back to bed

Green: Why aren’t you in bed? HMMMM

Aux: I’m sick and she’s making me tea now go away

Wavy: Mirio I love you so much as my best friend but what kind of gay hell hole did you add us to

Issues changed Platonic Fam to Gay Hell Hole

Issues: Welcome to McDonalds do you want a phucking beesechurger

Twiggy left the chat

Wavy added Twiggy

Wavy: No. Stay. I wanna see how this pans out

Aux: Ignore him he’s the resident rich bitch

Glitter: Mon Ami I thought that was me?

Cake: You’re the glitter bitch

Cake: I’m the dough hoe

Issues: This is why we should hang out more. Me and you (and a certain someone’s credit card) could make miracles. MIRACLES

Twiggy: Who are these people…

Uncle2.0: The last roll call was chaotic it’s better to learn as you go

Issues: I’m the resident rich bitch. You may call me king

Iida: that’s 2 quarters now Todoroki

Wavy: YOU’RE ENDEAVOR’S SON

Issues: Son by chance not by choice. My real dads are in here

Papa: You rang?

Twiggy: Are you… Present Mic

Papa: Hey 3rd years how’s it going

Flextape: KIRI COME GET KIWI BEFORE I FRY HIM AND EAT HIM @rock

Rock: BRO TOUCH HIM AND I’M BODY SLAMMING YOU

Twiggy: Kiwi?

Cake: The class pigeon

Uncle: ooooooh fresh meat who are they

Wavy: Nejire Hado and @twiggy is Tamaki Amajike

Father: I’m so sorry you have to be a part of this. They won’t let me leave

Issues: You’re the hero father I never got to have please don’t go All Might

Wavy: All Might? That’s All Might??

Dad: You can’t escape them Yagi

Dad: Believe me I’ve tried

Twiggy: Eraserhead???

God: Hehehe now I know how Monokuma feels

Chapter Text

Tintin: Is that the principal

God: The Great Principal Nezu? How kind of you to say those things to me

Uncle: Hey old man, has your eyesight been failing because that's not what he said

God: You may be in a wheelchair but I can still kick your ass Tensei Iida. Remember your first year here? Such fun we had, dueling and you getting the snot beat out of you

Iida: Please don’t harm him. He’s going to complain to me again

Uncle2.0: You too? You’d think the world was ending with the way he cries over papercuts

Issues: Hey I do that

Grenade: You’re emotionally unstable fuckhead

Issues: It’s true but you shouldn’t say it :(

Twiggy: Todoroki? I thought you were one of the good ones…

Cousin: You got an issue with him? Meet me in the pit

Dad: You’re a pro hero don’t pick fights with students

Uncle: Don’t listen to him. Do it

Issues: @everyone I have an announcement to make

Space: he’s going to do it here isn’t he

Froppy: It’s Todoroki what do you expect

LSD: ?

Issues: I’m fucking gay as hell

Rock: Bro we know

Space: You’ve literally been saying that for 3 days

Issues: You don’t understand peasants

Issues changed Grenade to Gayashell

Issues: I’m fucking gay as hell

Cousin: TODO YOU DID FUCKING NOT

Uncle: Holy shit dude

Gayashell: prepare to die icy hot. And it’s definitely NOT like how he put it

Issues changed Gayashell to Icon

Issues changed their name to Gay

Gay: We match  (´• ω •`) ♡

Icon: You have 15 seconds to run

Flextape: GAY ICON I’M WHEEZING

Aux: Took you long enough

Iida: How pleasant! Now Todoroki can stop telling us about how it’s so unfair you’re smart, good looking, and can kick his ass!

Twiggy: Congrats?

Twiggy has left the chat

Froppy: Is he…?

Wavy: Nope just a little sensitive about something rn

Green: Kacchan now you have to hang out with me

Icon: The hell I do

Green: you are literally dating one of my best friends

Icon: So? I’m not dating you so I don’t have to fucking see you. Just your bestie

Dad: @god we have to change the rules. Again.

God: No couples in the same room past 11 together. 

Gay: oh so me and momo and iida can have a sleepover now?

Papa: Half of the people you mentioned aren’t straight so sure

Icon: @father take me to see the old hag and my fucking dad

Father: Why me?

Dad: Do you really think I’m going to take him

Aunt: I’m still in baby jail

Uncle: I’m obnoxious!

Papa: Eri is with me today

Father: I have been betrayed by my own co-workers

Father: I’ll take you Young Bakugou. Be ready in 10 minutes please. I would also rather not go into the house

Icon: It won’t be fucking long

Gay: Wow I’ve had my bf for four (4) hours and he’s already trying to get away from me

Gay: What a cruel, cruel world we live in. Katsuki is trying to leave me, my father is a prick, the league is contacting me, I have zero (0) parentals, and I found out my favorite cat is sick

Insomnia: Mochi is sick?

Gay: No. Soba is sick. Which means I have to raid Endeavor’s house and get Soba back to the dorms but dadzawa will say no

Dad: Cats are allowed in the dorms

LSD: do you just name your animals after food?

Iida: He does

Momo: When we first met, he called me Earl Grey because he could remember my order but not my name.

Iida: I got called Beef Stew

Uncle: He rarely talked to me but he called me Rice or something like that

Cousin: Fried chicken. Which was changed to cannibal. Imagine going to a gala and having to explain why a middle schooler was calling you that

Pikapika: @gay how many cats have you named after foods. You only eat like 4 different foods

Gay: Soba, Mochi, Curry, Riceball, Broth, Bean, Nugget, Coco, Tart, and DN

Froppy: DN?

Gay: Dorset Naga

Insomnia: Todoroki, my best buddy, shall I go over to your house at some point? I need to see those cats

Kouda: (つ≧▽≦)つ    (=⌒‿‿⌒=)

Uncle2.0: You have a cat named Broth? And Riceball? Oh my gosh I’d love to go see them even though we’ve never talked in real life

Gay: hell yeah a day trip is underway. @icon see i can abandon you too

Icon: I’m going to kick your ass icyhot

Dad: As long as you stay with Haimawari you don’t have to take a teacher. But I need to know who all is going and when

Gay: Is tomorrow good? And who wants to come see my kitties

Glitter: Mon ami, I’d love to see your cats and help translate for Kouda

Insomnia: bet but you’re getting us all lunch too

Tintin: Wait! Eri loves cats would she be able to go?

Papa: I’m saying yes and it’s my turn for final decision. Just don’t corrupt her @gay and @insomnia has to watch her

Uncle2.0: I can keep track of her! I basically raised my little cousins so I know how to do it

Insomnia: I’m cool with that. My shoulders hurt from carrying her anyways

Uncle2.0: So I’m just taking Todoroki, Aoyama, Kouda, Shinsou, and Eri? None of the girls want to go see the cats?

Aux: I feel bad and my gf is taking care of me

Froppy: Cat’s don’t like me

Whomst: ^^

Space: I always make them float then I feel bad

LSD: I haven’t be trusted around a cat since first year of middle school

Rock: Don’t ask. We don’t mention that dark time

Gay: boom bam wow the plans are made and set for tomorrow

Aunt: Great now go to bed it’s almost 10

Father: Young Bakugou and I just returned

Dad: All children accounted for? Iida?

Iida: Last I checked, yes. But we have an escape artist and a ghost so there may be 2 missing.

Gay: Just @ me and shinsou next time, why don’t you

Gay added Twiggy to the chat

Gay: it’s like 4 am bUT

Gay: @ twiggy can you be used to like tell if illegal meats are being used if you eat it. like you eat some random ass street meat and suddenly you have a rat’s tail. if you ate a human (by accident? i’m not judging) and tried to change would anything happen? 

Gay: WAIT OH MY FUCK

Gay: @momo CAN YOU MAKE WATER WITH YOUR QUIRK

Birb: @icon come get your man, he’s on the fridge and mumbling like Midoriya

Birb: wait nevermind he’s climbing down ohSHITT

Hugs: Since I am the first one awake at the reasonable time of 8 am, may I ask why Tokoyami is tied up in rope and has the phrase “broke ass pussy” on his arm?

Icon: Dammit I thought I control him before he did anything stupid that little fuck

Birb: Just so everyone knows, Todoroki jumped from the fridge onto my body and tied me up using shoelaces. He also hummed happy birthday while he did it?

Insomnia: @icon you’re doing a horrible job of controlling him

Glitter: He snuck into our rooms and drew a cat paw print on our arm but proceeded to slam a textbook shut next to our faces

Gay: @Uncle2.0 I’m getting everyone breakfast do you wanna meet us at that yellow and green painted place. I don’t know it’s name but they have really good grilled fish and miso

Uncle2.0: Yeah sure. I just worked a night shift but I should make it there

Dad: Eri’s been up since 6 am with the hope of leaving earlier

Icon: @insomnia you try controlling that bastard. He’s a fucking nightmare to be around and that’s on a good day

Kouda: ＼＼٩(๑`^´๑)۶／／

Gay: and on that lovely note from my supposedly special other, i’m turning off my phone so my father can’t contact me on going back home

Flextape: You done goofed Bakugou

LSD: You should always treat the one you like with respect and be kinder towards them @green tell him how to act nice

Green: Okay Kacchan, lesson one. Learn how to smile. Lesson two. Maybe just stop talking and showing emotion. Lesson three. Take a swan dive off the roof and pray you’ll be better in your next life

Icon: First, it’s been 3 fucking hours since we had that conversation @lsd and he turned his phone off. Second, Deku you’ve just regained the #1 spot on my hit list. Third, we agreed to never fucking talk about that shitty day again

Uncle: Oh? Drama?? I’d like a sip of this tea

Iida: Go wheel yourself back to bed, you’re hungover

Space: Oh my gosh Iida just knows that about his brother lmao

Green: @dad kacchan threatened me again

Dad: Every word out of his mouth is a threat to someone I’ve given up

Rock: Yeah bro, just don’t take it personally

Insomnia: @everyone 

Insomnia sent (5) images

Space: Aww they look so cute!

Pikapika: Which is which?

Insomnia: Riceball = all white with blue eyes

Insomnia: Mochi = siamese

Insomnia: Curry = male calico

Insomnia: Tart = orange male

Insomnia: Soba = black fluffy one with one yellow and one green eye

Insomnia: DN = fluffy light orange/white 

Insomnia: Nugget = brown/black american shorthair

Insomnia: Broth = short grey-hair and white patches

Insomnia: Coco = maine coon

Insomnia: Bean = russian blue

Cousin: Ah yes, the cat name memory game

LSD: Why is Bean called Bean? And why do they all have food names

Glitter: Bean has a black part on her stomach in a bean shape, mon ami

Uncle2.0: He names them after what food they went to first in his kitchen

Dad: Someone tell Todoroki that I’ll let him choose his partner for 2 weeks if he brings them all back here

Glitter: deal. a lot of them are still kittens so i want to keep a close eye on them anyway. my sperm donor is not to be trusted   - rich bitch

Uncle2.0: Eri says hi btw. She also has put Nugget into her overalls

Uncle2.0 sent a picture

Papa: Oh my gosh 

Cousin: Did you just call Enji your sperm donor??

Cousin: Screenshotted and sent

_______________

Todoroki + Free-loader

Adopted: Hey guys guess what little Shouto just said

Adopted sent an image

Girl: Shouto! That is not nice, he’s your father

Adult: I’m used to it. At least he’s talking about me.

Girl: Where is @kid anyway?

Adopted: He’s grabbing his cats

Boy: Oh yeah he texted me one of them is sick. Is it Mochi? She’s so small

Girl: Soba threw up 3 times since this morning

Adopted: That’s the youngest one right

Adult: Who even knows at this point. 5 is too many to keep track of

Boy: It was literally your money that bought all 10 cats Dad. You allowed Shouto to buy them beds and collars. Do you really not know how many cats you had living in your house?

Adult: You bought 10 cats Shouto? I told you to only buy 1, this is… honestly not that surprising but you should listen to me

Adopted: Tsk tsk, you must may more attention Enji

Girl: On another note, why was Shouto called “rich bitch”???

Adopted: bc u r rich

Kid: & i a bitch

Boy: Oh my god out of all the texts that’s the one that summoned you

Adopted: Woah there buddy, aren’t you phone-free for the day to annoy you-know-who and to make sure you-know-what did stop you

Adult: I’m not sure I follow.

Girl: Just keep trying dad. You’ll get it one day

Kid: Good luck soldier, this may be your toughest mission yet: Acting like a Proper Parent and Fixing the Mistakes You’ve Made. I have full hope you won’t make it out alive, good riddance

Adult: Translation please

Adopted: ALLOW ME

Adopted: “hey dearest non-parental figure, just letting you know i do NOT in ANYWAY think you’d be able to correct the mess you made of the family or start us anew. Toodles~”

Boy: That was actually kinda accurate Hawks

Adopted: Contrary to popular belief I do try at times

Girl: No, you don’t

Kid: incorrect, try again

Adult: I have yet to see you try

Boy: The last time you tried anything was when you tried to fight me for the last chicken wing

Boy: And you lost

Adopted: I’m being bullied by my not-family family. Farewell, you little pains

________________

Gay Hell Hole

Dad: WAIT A DAMN FUCKING MINUTE

Pikapika: s w e a r   j a r

Dad: @gay GET YOUR MESSED UP ASS BACK TO UA RIGHT NOW

Uncle2.0: We’re otw back now is something wrong??

Insomnia: yeah it’s only 8 so no curfew yet

Dad: Todoroki Shouto, son of Endeavor, hero name Shouto, student of UA, and the reason I’m about to kill a man, I will END you if you are not make to this dorm in 2 minutes

Insomnia: oh wow would you look at that there he goes

Rock: But the cats????

Glitter: Safe with us, mon ami~~ but they seem quite reserved unlike moi and will be going straight (or gay) into Todoroki’s room

Green: Is Todo in trouble?

Dad: I’ll deal with that later but the little brat has some explaining to do

Gay: Hey, being called a brat is still better than what my father called me

Froppy: We’ve been over this Todoroki

Space: No one likes your emo humor

Birb: Fear not, cause I like it

Aux: Me too

Momo: Sweeties, you’re both emo/goth

Aux: I cannot believe this

Birb: Betrayed by the class goddess

Aux: Oh the woe!

Birb: The horror!

LSD: You two never talk on ere why start being dramatic now

Hugs: It’s dark outside, they feel at home

Birb: dragged by your own friend what a way to go

Pikapika: @papa come pick me up the scene kids are on it again

Papa: Ha! You kids have nothing on Aizawa when he went to UA

Uncle: Are we embarrassing Shouta now? I’m in

Papa: I’d add Kan but he’d shoot himself with Snipe’s bullet if he had to talk to us

Flextape: I’m honored to play a role in killing a man.

Aunt: This. This is why the other teachers do not want to talk to you guys

Gay: No I’m the reason they don’t want to talk to you guys

Icon: No being a negative bitch

Gay: No being a little baby who can’t survive a day without his favorite item

Space: there he go

Green: That’s some impressive air you caught Todoroki! Kacchan your blasts are getting stronger and stronger

Space: there he go too

Papa: Didn’t you get released from Aizawa like 5 minutes ago?

Gay: yea

Uncle: And haven’t you guys seen each other for the first time all day since you were a couple

Icon: yea? Got an issue fuckwad

Gay: I’ll mess yo shit up bro

Icon: And I’ll finish whatever the dumbass fucking starts

Icon: @gay i’m taking your cats goodnight

Gay: hold up those are the cats I boughts with Endeavor’s credit card-

Iida: What, pray tell, just happened?

Froppy: In the span of 10 minutes Todoroki got yelled at for something, him and Midoriya got blown away by Bakugou, Todo and Bakugou started flirting (?), and now they’re doing the frick frack

Insomnia: No they’re not. They took over the empty room across from me

Green: You can hear them yelling and shoving each other with the occasional meow

Aunt: The room on the girl’s half of the dorm?

LSD: They’re gay and some of us are gay it doesn’t matter

God: Remember the rule about couples!! Only 15 minutes left until the 11 pm curfew.

Gay: I’m staying with ym kitties and my man fight me God

Gay: @icon babe you’re gonna have to back me up

Icon: Don’t call be fucking babe and that’s literally the principal you fuck. He’ll expel your shitty ass if you so much as breathe cold air on him

God: You wouldn’t want any harm to befall the Todoroki name, would you?

Space: haha, you played the wrong card Mr High Spec

God: Oh dear, I seem to hear a distant explosion sound. Excuse me,I shall be back when I feel like it

Uncle: So proud of you Katuski. You’re becoming a real man. Getting a bf, threatening the school principal… taking after me I see!

Iida: Lord help us all if he turns out like you Tensei

Chapter Text

Cousin: Hey all you little kids guess what

LSD: You have a job?

Froppy: You got a boyfriend?

Gay: You ate fried chicken?

Uncle: You figure out how to tie your shoes?

Cousin: Old Iida I hate you 

Cousin: BUT

Cousin: I’m coming to UA to help train y’all!

Gay: You’re coming for my cats

Cousin: And for Shouto’s cats! Primarily Nugget!

Icon: keep your fucking claws off of Tart, DN, and Curry and you can stay

Green: Kacchan Liking Something? In My House?

Pikapika: It’s more likely than you think

Tintin: Hawks, will you be visiting us for 1 day of teaching?

Cousin: look at this kid, being so nice and actually caring that i’m visiting

Cousin: nah, you little brats are stuck with me for a while

Gay: @dad is he staying in the teacher dorm area thing

Dad: You already know that answer

Uncle: how come hawks is allowed to visit but when i do it i’m a nuisance

Iida: Contrary to popular belief, i.e. your own belief, you are quite obnoxious

Icon: Ha.

Cousin: Look your fighting is cute and all but this is about me

Wavy: Ooooh are you going to help every grade? I wanna use my quirk on you!

Space: the bi goddess has spoken

Momo: We should do an unofficial joint training with all of our friends from UA!

Aux: now the lesbian goddess has

Space: my life

Aux: is complete

Gay: @cousin bring me some soba on your way in and @dad please tell me that vulture isn’t staying with us

Dad: Hawks gets to choose between the teacher dorm and one of the class dorms

Birb: @cousin If you choose our dorm I’m unleashing dark shadow onto you

Cousin: I’ll bring you 4 bags of cold soba from your favorite place if you let me stay in the 1-A dorm. And Toko, dark shadow loves me

Karate: Are you bribing our class pretty face?

Gay: i’m the what now

Pikapika: You’re the class pretty face and we have to not maime your face during training cause you make all the girls look at us on the street

Pikapika: Midoriya is the class angel. Bakugou is the class rat. I’m the class dunce

Icon: 5 seconds shithead

Pikapika: Wow! An improvement from my usual 3! Todo I think your bf loves me more than you

Gay: you wish bitch. He loves me for my issues and I have so many of those it’d be pretty fucking hard to fall out of love with me

Papa: If it was anyone else that’d make me concerned but I cannot deal with you at this time

Aunt: Weren’t Bakuou, Todoroki, and Shinsou supposed to be in the teacher dorm’s an hour ago?

Insomnia: Uhhh

Icon: Fuck

Gay: oh it is such a shame how we missed our appointment…

Gay: PLAN C-7 NOW

Froppy: Todoroki I’m going to kill you

Dad: Good morning you pains. I have excused those three from their plans today so they can have a much needed rest

Hugs: What is Plan C-7?

Iida: It involves Todoroki freezing everyone to the ground

Flextape: And Bakugou blasting us down the stairs

Dad: Shinsou has to brainwash me as well

Uncle: Lemme guess

Cousin: they’re gone

Uncle: They’re gone

Uncle: YOU TOOK MY THUNDER

Cousin: the only thunder you have is the song by imagine dragons on your phone

Uncle2.0: Has he made you listen to it?

Cousin: I’ve heard him play it out loud on the streets which is great because now I can avoid him

Aunt: Yeah, yeah. Tensei Iida is annoying blah blah blah we get it

Papa: But where did our most problematic children go?

God: Oh dear, have we lost more of them already? Such a shame, such a shame

Tintin: Do you want us to help look for them?

Papa: It’s a Sunday with no people outside they can’t have gone far out of sight

Icon: Fuck this shit I’m out

Gay: mmmmm hmmmm

Gay: don’t mind me

Icon: I’ma just grab my stuff and leave

Gay: ‘cuse me please

Insomnia: they’re actually singing that btw

Gay: why’d you have to do me like that 

Insomnia: Oh my gosh I thought he was a quiet and emotionally constipated rich kid but now he’s on like Kaminari levels of crack

Gay: a gram a day keeps the thoughts at bay

Icon: Snort crack and fucking attack

Green: They’re rubbing off onto each other

LSD: THIS IS NOT GOOD

Cake: How did we go from Hawks talking about his job to missing 3 students and WHY are we missing 3 students

Dad: Welcome to our life, we deal with you brats every day

Green: I can call Kacchan back no problem

Green: Momo can you make me a megaphone

Momo: Sure! Here, I’ll take it to the roof for you

Green: Thank you so much

Space: holy shit that actually worked

Space sent a video

Whomst: I’ll send a transcript if you can’t load it

Whomst: [Midoriya walks up to the edge of the roof and speaks into the microphone] Would a Kacchan Bacchan please report to the 1-A dorms? I repeat, a Kacchan Bacchan to the 1-A dorms? There seems to be a small issue with your ranking. You should be after Midoriya Izuku, who has beat you in both the practical and written exams.

Whomst: [A distant noise can be heard, growing louder and louder. Bakugou enters the scene, using his quir to fly through the air with Todoroki clinging to one leg and Shinsou clinging to Todoroki’s waist] FUCKING DEKUUU 

Whomst: [Midoriya steps to the side but ends up getting clotheslined by Bakugou. Todoroki and Shinsou smoothly dismount but make no move to restrain him. Muffled laughter is heard as the camera gets shakier, cutting out when Bakugou notices and lunges at it.]

Glitter: You should write plays mon ami~

Uncle2.0: That was like a script, so cool

Papa: I’m telling Cementoss you are actually able to write

Whomst: Do it and it won’t be my fault if some object mysteriously get thrown out the window of your classroom and the tape can’t catch who

Rock: Is Midoriya okay?? Bakugou can hit really hard and his bones are so fragile. Please tell me my bro is alright

Green: I’m fine, just bruised

Pikapika: “kacchan bacchan’ I’M WHEEZING

Flextape: ^^

Dad: I want to reprimand you @green but you got them back so I’m just going to…

Dad: @father

Father: Oh dear Young Midoriya

Froppy: This past year, I lost my dear friend Deku

Green: Asui I’m okay

Froppy: I can still hear his voice, calling me by the wrong name

Twiggy: can i please leave this chat you guys scare me

Uncle2.0: I’m sorry, they are very against people leaving once they’ve been added

Twiggy: oh okay i’m sorry

Rock: Amajiki! It’s all good, I know we can be idiots but you’ll have fun!

Tintin: Yeah Tamaki it’s going to be fun seeing the stupid things 1-A does again!

Aux: Does every year have that one really dumb and crazy class

Wavy: I’m pretty sure, yep. Our class was quite the handful

Dad: Their class is the reason teachers now have to loop through the entire school with their class

Tintin: No teacher could handle our awesomeness

Dad: You lit your 2-A teacher on fire and the previous teacher was the only one who could deal with you three

Cousin: UA seems lit can’t wait to join

Aunt: Oh yeah, didn’t you go to the one where that laughing hero works

Cousin: Mrs Joke? She was there before me cause I’m not ancient like you guys

Uncle2.0: Wait I’m only 25 don’t loop me in with them

Papa: 30 is not old

Insomnia: You have a child and 20+ honorary children

Hugs: Everyone in here is so old

Froppy: Can’t relate

Gay: Imagine being the oldest in the class like oop sorry gramps 

Icon: I’m the oldest in 1-A you fuckwad

Gay: pedophilia. The old man is hitting on my pure innocent self

Cousin: You are so far from pure and innocent I’m surprised you can spell those words

Gay: I can spell them in english too

Papa: Such a coincidence that you’ve moved up my favorite student list after that statement

LSD: You have favorite student lists???

LSD: Everyone loves me I must be first, right

Aunt: Aw, how cute you think that

Dad: None of you are on my list

Gay: my cats do not count as children and give me back Broth

Dad: Your cats are the best students, never complaining or bothering me. Also, Broth isn’t with me

Rock: Missing kitty? I’ll find him bro!

Twiggy: i found a cat outside of the cafeteria could that be them

Icon: Looks like fucking white paint got on the grey bitch?

Twiggy: yes sir

Pikapika: “yes sir” I’M WHEEZING HE’S YOUNGER THAN YOU

Green: Kacchan instills military-level fear into people

Gay: he’s as threatening as a koala

Iida: Koalas are in fact very vicious animals when provoked.

Uncle: Bakugou doesn’t get provoked though

Rock: He’s constantly in a stage of rage meaning he can’t ever be angry

Papa: That’s not how that works Kirishima

Twiggy: um what should i do with the cat. he is on a mission to get into the cafeteria and is wriggling around

Gay: hold out your hand in a fist and say “Broth i have a treat” then turn and run to the 1-A dorm

Tintin: Is that safe?

Insomnia: All he’ll do is run after Amajiki but he’s not one to claw people so don’t worry

Gay: yeah DN and Riceball are the most likely to claw at someone bc Riceball thinks he’s the boss and DN knows he’s the boss

Aunt: Hold up how many cats do you have?

Gay: 10

Aunt: And Endeavor just allowed this?

Gay: i have his credit card and he maked the mistake of agreeing i could get a pet

LSD: Wow you’re really just flexing your money huh

Momo: But 10 animals are not that expensive if taken from a shelter

Aux: That rich hoe has never stepped foot in a shelter and I’ll bet on that

Space: I will take you up on that bet and say he has been in one. 5000 won?

Aux: Deal

Gay: Nugget and Broth and Coco came from a shelter

Aux: Fuck @space come get your money

Pikapika: swear jar

Flextape: How much money have we even made from the swear jar

LSD: Around 585312 won if you include the money from our sales as well

Dad: Sales?

Cake: We sell my cookies on the street to make some cash

Uncle2.0: That’s illegal

Froppy: Duh, why else would be advertise it as a “paid flyer with addition of a free cookie (price negotiable)”

Momo: This does not surprise me, but we could make a good deal more if I joined in and made cheap toys. Not that I condone this sort of behavior.

Glitter: You want some acrylic nails like Mina said we’d get, don’t you ma déesse

Gay: i want some acrylic nails

Dad: No, I don’t want Vlad King to laugh at us even more

Papa: Kan can deal with it and I’ll chaperone if needed

Aux: You know what this means

LSD: Majority vote rules!

Aux: @uncle @aunt @cousin @uncle2.0 @father

Aunt: Can I get my nails done too

Pikapika: we have enough for class 1-A plus like 15 others

Aunt: I’m in

Cousin: You brats swear a lot. I vote yes

Uncle2.0: that sounds fun! may i join?

Uncle: Honey we’ll force them to take us with them. That’s a yes from me

Space: 5-1 we win dad

Father: I was asked to arrive?

Green: Yes, but are you here

Father: I am here, Young Midoriya. You are able to read my texts I thought you knew that

Froppy: Never change All Might, never change

LSD: All Might can we get acrylic nails, pretty please. You can even get some!

Father: I am not sure. Those could stop how good you can fight as a hero...

Gay: think about it AM. you walk into that mandatory gala thing we have planned soon. all of us students and the teachers are wearing acrylics to show support to lgbt+. my father is burning a hole in his expensive suit because you’ve played your cards right and are more popular

Father: I’d have to wear them too?

Gay: oh you know i guess you don’t have to but here i thought you’d be supportive of me being gay and endeavor never really did that but i guess every hero is like that no i understand it’s fine

Dad: Dammit, of course he plays the trauma card

Father: No, I support you!! I am here to save you from Endeavor’s not ideal parenting! I’ll get these… acrylic nails you speak off. 

Dad: Yagi you can’t just give in when he mentions Endeavor

Space: Uh you do it all the time

Papa: Exactly

Dad: I don’t want the entire class 1-A outside at the same time while the League is still alive

Rock: My mom runs a nail salon I can ask if she’s willing to bring her workers here

Aunt: Okay that’s a fair reason to say no but they’ll also have around 5 pro heroes and 3 almost-pro heroes

Wavy: We’re included in this?!

Froppy: Duh you guys are the older siblings we never asked for but still appreciate

Tintin: Come on Aizawa, let the kids live a little. Remember what happened when the dorms first got out up and you wouldn’t let me leave

Dad: You dyed my cat neon green

Gay: i will take it upon myself to do that exact thing if you don’t let us leave

Icon: We can fucking take care of ourselves and icyhot is going to bitch and pout for a long time if you don’t agree

Iida: May I remind you of the last time Todoroki got moody? You seemed to have replaced all the desks with no problem, but that paperwork was extremely tiring. You wouldn’t want to go through that again now, would you?

Uncle2.0: I have no place to say this, but shouldn’t you let them act as 15 and 16 year olds

Dad: FINE

Dad: @god we need passes for the nail salon people. Talk to Kirishima about it. I’m taking a nap now so don’t disturb me if you wish to keep these plans

God: Oh my, how wonderful that a nail salon is coming to UA! Kirishima, please come over to my office so we can sort this out

Space: I knew he’d crack

LSD: WHOOO WE GETTING ACRYLICS BOYS

Pikapika: OH YEAH

Icon: Fucking shut it. I can hear you

Flextape: They’re in my room though?

Froppy: Ayeee get some Bakugou

Cake: I approve and all but… why next to my room

Gay: hahaha no Katsuki is just being nice

Icon: You just fucking complained about how I made you too hot

Gay: he’s showing me videos of cats while we’re both under a blanket and a movie is playing in the background

Green: Aww I want a relationship like that

Space: me too

Iida: You two are quite literally dating so you CAN have that

Birb: They’re dating??

Space: yeah for like 5 weeks now

Space: it’s obvious

Flextape: We thought that was you guys were trying to get closer to one another but were still oblivious

Papa: My little kids are dating??

Gay: i’ve been had a bf for 17 whole days

Karate: Everyone knows about me and Hagakure

LSD: WHAT

LSD: NO EVERYONE DID NOT KNOW @karate

Tintin: I have a boyfriend

Uncle: haha I’m dating someone

Cousin: It’d be sad if you were dating or married at your age old man

Uncle: Can you shut up for once in your damn life? You’re a lonely teenager what do you even know

Pikapika: Oop Hawks hit a nerve

Froppy: @tintin how long and with who

Twiggy: hi

Tintin: For 3 minutes

Iida: Hawks, I apologize for my brother’s behavior.

Uncle2.0: yeah i do too bc he’s just being childish

Gay: wow imagine having a childish boyfriend could not be me

Icon: Wow imagine having a fucking mature boyfriend could not be me

Uncle: My bad Hawks, I’ve just had a bad day although you do suck

Cousin: Damn right I do

Aux: Does pro hero Hawks is gay?

Gay: well he broke up with my sister for a reason and it definently wasn’t for her looks or perosnality

Birb: Every other person in this cursed chat is gay

Hugs: You are not one to talk Fumikage

Birb: Let me brood in peace Shouji

Momo: I have a lovely girlfriend who I am dating!!

Flextape: Everyone knows that

Pikapika: The lesbian goddess and her lesbian punk steed

Aux: I’m going to kill you Kaminari

Froppy: Hmm? Murder? I’m in

Tintin: @dad are you going to stop them???

Dad: This happens 2 times a day and I have given up

Icon: Dunce face had it fucking coming

Insomnia: Welcome to class 1-A. We murder each other for some peace and quiet

Cousin: UA is wild

Froppy: You say that every week

Cousin: Bc you’re doing something stupid every week

Aunt: And now you have to deal with that for a while

Cousin: Funny, I forgot I was going to UA and was just like “this metro ride is fun I should do this more often”

Rock: Does anyone know where Kiwi is?

Rock: There are like 10 cats in this house now so I want to keep a close eye on her

Glitter: He’s in my room mon ami~

Green: Are you feeding Kiwi cheese?? Is that safe for him???

Kouda: ＼(≧▽≦)／

Glitter: Do you really think I wouldn’t consult Kouda about this? Have some trust in me mon ami~

Cake: In his defense you tried to put blue cheese in a cake because you wanted it to have an “elegant” taste

Papa: Oh my gosh is that what went into the cake from hell

Cake: It was labelled “Do Not Eat”???

Space: haha that’s funny. Mic can’t read

Papa: My life makes so much more sense now that I know what was

Dad: He ate half of the cake and has been scared it was injected with the bubonic plague ever since

Gay: speaking of that

Gay: all of you rats have been vaxinated right

Whomst: I haven’t yet

Gay: P E R I S H

Whomst: Chill, edgelord, I’m getting my shots in 3 days

Icon: If I get sick because of you fuck I’m going to grab you by the hair and throw you to China

Gay: you can’t see her hair i bet she has no hair and has been lying to us about everything

Whomst: Todoroki you literally froze my hair into an ice-updo

Gay: oh yeah i forgot about that. she checks out lads no need to wear the socks

Icon: You’re literally on my back as I do one-handed push ups and aren’t wearing socks

Gay: omg guys i might be gay and i forgot my socks oh no whatever will i do??

Chapter Text

Dad: Todoroki, at times you worry me on just how much Endeavor messed you up

Gay: me? being messed up? by my father? oh no sir never however did you come to that conclusion

Pikapika: At this point we’re used to him

Tintin: I refuse to believe that he is Endeavor’s son. Todoroki Shouto so quiet and well-mannered but this is just… a gremlin

Icon: Don’t feed his fucking ego like that

Father: At times, I also worry for Young Todoroki

Insomnia: @tintin you clearly have never had a talk with him at 2 am then

Tintin: And you have?

Birb: Almost all of us have been unlucky enough to meet Todoroki past midnight

Green: Hey you three should come have a sleepover with us and see for yourself

Twiggy: do we have to?

Rock: No of course not man! It’d be super manly if you did though

LSD: Oh my gosh please do! All us girls (+ Aoyama) can hang out and do each other’s hair and it’ll be so fun!!

Twiggy: but what would the guys do

Icon: Fight to the fucking death

Gay: gossip like the gay/bi/pan men we are

Flextape: Mario Kart

Papa: No maiming in the dorms

Uncle: We never had that rule

Aunt: We didn’t have dorms you dipshit

Dad: No cursing around the kids

Green: Haven’t we all been exposed to curse words by Kacchan?

Icon: Fuck you Deku

Space: don’t bully my man i’ll fight you

Gay: lay a hand on him and i’m going to cut a bitch with my knife shoes

Cousin: Stop calling them that and you don’t even need those to move on ice. You glide so smoothly using your quirk

Froppy: He’s dramatic he calls things wildly inaccurate names

Iida: Is that why when I asked for him to make me some ice he just nodded and said “ah yes the hard water, the blood of my snow brethren, the wet blocks”

Dad: Sweet hell you’re not mentally okay

Gay: hashtag I Need Therapy Club

Insomnia: Rt

Icon: Rt

Green: Like

Papa: None of you are okay

Aunt: We knew about the other three but Midoriya? You too?

Green: Nope, don’t need it yet unless you count my urge to break my bones as a mental issue. Had a few more things happened to me in middle school and I’d like hands down need it but luckily I am okay. Sort of. You get the point

Icon: How many time do I have to fucking say sorry you shitty nerd

Space: at least once

Rock: Am I missing something?

Gay: mind yo business david

Aux: Hey no fighting on main

Uncle: OwO

Kouda: ＼(º □ º l|l)/

Hugs: I heard someone stressed out Kouda?

Birb: Who dare disturb him

Whomst: Oh look the dnd nerds have arrived

Pikapika: Two birds one stone ha get rekt

Uncle: Hold up now please don’t disrespect dnd like that

Papa: Yeah! We used to play it every weekend back when we were your age

Whomst: ...I stand by what I said

Papa: Shush. All of you, go to bed. Aizawa is going to murder you if he finds you still online at this hour

Cousin removed Gay from the chat

Cousin: If any of you personally message him today I can and will attack you with Bakugou

Icon: Damn right

Icon: And if I heard anyone of you fucking extras even MENTION his name I swear to the fucking being in the sky that you won’t live the rest of your shitty life out

God: Oh wow! How violent! But the both of you have permission to do what you must to keep little Todoroki safe. Nothing Recovery Girl can’t heal though!!

Pikapike: WAIT SO IT’S TRUE

Dad: Yes, now go back to bed

Green: holy fucking shit has anyone seen my bag with all my notebooks i  n e e d to write this down

Insomnia: Bold of you to assume that we didn’t confiscate it because we knew you’d do that

Todoroki + Free-loader

Adult: I assume all of you have heard the news?

Girl: Dad, don’t even act like you didn’t know he was alive

Kid: so you’re telling me that touya was real this whole time

Girl: What do you mean? We all used to play together, remember

Boy: Dad said he was a figment of Shouto’s imagination and that we made Touya up as a person for bedtime stories

Adult: I thought he was dead and it could destroy a child’s mind if they knew what death was

Kid: oh but putting me through hell and back was no biggie if it meant i was training my quirk

Adult: I apologize for that and stated my efforts on fixing our relationship

Kid: sorry doesn’t cut it. sorry won’t bring mom back. sorry won’t fix my fucked up mental state. sorry doesn’t excuse why the hell you hid the fact that i have another brother who you literally drove into villainy

Adopted: He’s better now Shouto. Dabi wants to be good again, he never really meant to get that deep into the whole villain idea. Just enough to show Endeavor that he isn’t a mistake

Boy: Are you seriously taking Endeavor’s side?

Adopted: I don’t think anyone is correct considered I’m the one who knows Dabi and what he wants

Kid: wait i have something to say

Kid: hawks can you take me to meet him

Girl: That’s too dangerous! Dabi is an unknown man, he could be lying about all this and you want to meet him?

Boy: If Shouto is going then I am too

Adult: Neither of you are to come into contact with that man, he is a villain

Kid: oh so now you care? at this point i really don’t care if he’s a villain or if you hate him. hawks trusts him and i doubt dabi would lie considering the public barely knows about a 4th todoroki child so he has nothing to gain

Adopted: Dabi is being held in a recovery center for troubled teens and villains. Police are still checking our stories to make sure they’re true but I can probably get you in here later today if I categorize it as “family confirming identity”

Boy: I’ll meet both of you outside UA at 3?

Kid: class is canceled for me so this works out. fuyumi? 

Adult: Hold on a moment

Girl: I’m sorry I still have to teach class and if it is him then I don’t think he wants to see me

Adult: None of you will be visiting this Dabi man! He is a danger to heroes and is not to be trusted. If I hear about any of you visiting him then you can bet there will be consequences

Kid: way to go father. doing a great job of fixing our relationship and making us trust you

Kid: i’m done talking with you, i have some things i need to think about before 3

This afternoon

Hahaha

Physical: i’m assuming you guys saw the news?

Emotional: Hawks told us too

Mental: Are you good Sho?

Emotional: This isn’t the right time but our names make me smile whenever we talk

Physical: i understand bc we’re all so fucked up but somehow one prominent trait shines over the rest

Emotional: Wow this ordeal is really not making you okay

Physical: oh no not in the slightest

Mental: What did the fucks say about Dabi being real?

Physical: so i do in fact have an older brother named touya that was born before natsuo yet after fuyumi and became a villain

Mental: And he’s just about to waltz back into your fucking life? Hell no

Emotional: I don’t know… I’d give it a shot. Maybe he won’t be a dick like your dad

Mental: Or he could be a bitch and try to ruin your life even more

Physical: ...i want to believe he’s going to be good. from what natsuo and fuyumi told me back when i was little he was always there to cheer me up the traumatic parts of my life

Mental: Fine. Do what you want. But don’t come crying to me if he tries to ruin your life

Physical: alright fine. shinsou, wanna come to my room and cuddle? my bf is being pissy and i need a hug before i face dabi

Emotional: Bakugou is going to actually murder me if I say yes

Physical: i’ll lay my left side on you and put a kitties on the rest of you so you can take a nap

Emotional: Knock knock open up I’m here for the kittens

Gay Hell Hole

Pikapika: I’m confused how can two kids from the same parents be the same age?

Aunt: No way am I giving another sex ed course

Pikapika: I don’t want another one. You were way too excited showing a bunch of teens the anatomy

Aux: Stop talking about the day I try so hard to forget about

Insomnia: It takes 9 months to grow a baby. Meaning they can be the same age for 3 months per year

Green: But if Endeavor waited for the first born to show her quirk, like 4 years, then why did he have two of them back to back??

Insomnia: Oh that’s an easy one. Rei always wanted at least 3 kids, so Endeavor thought it was better to knock those out first bc he’d be “too busy” to create another after his perfect child was born

Insomnia: So he just got two done quickly, made Touya work with his quirk until the perfect soldier was made, put Natsuo in the shame box with Fuyumi, and ba bam. The fourth child was the best and both requirements were met so no more kids

Papa: How do you know so much about the Todoroki family?

Insomnia: Hm? Oh yeah this is Shinsou’s phone. It’s your resident rich bitch coming at you live from Shinsou’s warm embrace

Rock: You are dating Bakubro though

LSD: IS IT TRUE THAT TOUYA IS REAL AND DABI HAS BEEN CONFIRMED TO BE HIM

Froppy: Behave Mina

Insomnia: No comment until the press releases a statement

Dad: Smart kid

Icon: He’s fucking dumb

Green: Kacchan you say that to everyone

Space: humor me for once @icon why is your boyfriend dumb

Icon: I’m not going to spill his damn secrets to you shitheads. I’m upset at him but I don’t want to make his life shittier

Insomnia: Aw babe you care

Papa: Please get off my platonic son’s account when saying those things to Bakugou

Pikapika: Where is Shinsou?

Insomnia: No. And he’s being my pillow bc my bf doesn’t like my life choices and Shinsou can be bribed to do anything for my cats

LSD: No fighting on main

Icon: Fuck off you pink alien hoe

Uncle: Woah, Katsuki, chill out man

Icon: I’d say suck a dick but you might enjoy that

Dad: Bakugou. Knock if off.

Rock: Yeah bro, be supportive of Todorki’s life choices

Cousin: I’m going to back up Bakugou on this because it is a dumb choice but we can’t stop Shouto and I’m not going to be the one to tell him no

Insomnia: You can’t stop me even if you tried

Dad: Would you like to bet on that

God: I heard of a bet?

Uncle: Ah! Begone you foul rat/bear teacher

God: My apologies to @uncle2.0 because you may not having a living special other if he calls me that again

Uncle2.0: oh i’m used to him almost getting killed when he makes a comment

Insomnia: Todoroki fell asleep and I’m awake now but @cousin come get your boy 

Cousin: Copy that my good sir

Space: shinou is so strong??? if he was straight i’d go for him no cap

Green: WOW I’m really just being played off huh

LSD: Quiet this is about Todoroki’s family drama

Icon: Mina I’m fucking warning you

Icon: Try anything to find out more information and we’ll see if your horns can grow back

Chapter Text

Present time

“Are you two sure you wanna do this? Dunno how he’s gonna react but he shouldn’t hurt you…” Hawks kept his eyes trained on the window, watching the city blur by as they came closer to their destination.

Shouto didn’t even look up from his phone, scoffing like the idea was absurd. “I’m not backing out. If he managed to make Endeavor hate him then he seems perfectly normal. Also, I have a bone to pick with him.”

“Shouto, do not attack Touya.” Natsuo lightly hit the other’s arm. “The last thing we need is you in jail, you know Dad won’t bail you out for a few days as a lesson.”

“I won’t attack him if he can give me a good fucking reason on why he acted the way he did.”

This time, it was Hawks who shoved Shouto’s arm. “Language. You’ve been hanging around that Bakugou kid too much.”

The younger opened his mouth to respond that he hasn’t even seen Bakugou for the past two days but his reply was lost among the noise of the door opening. His mouth ran dry at the thought of how close he was to finding Dabi. He wasn’t joking about having something to say to his supposed brother.

Hawks and Natsuo were silent as well, knowing small talk was just going to make the matter worse. It seemed like no time had passed since they left UA but now here they are.

Standing outside the door where the most dangerous teens were being reformed.

“Natsuo, tell me about him.” Shouto’s voice found him again as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, balling them into fists to stop any activation of his quirk.

“Touya was always so lively. He joked around, played with us, and he…” Natsuo swallowed thickly, but the lump in his throat didn’t budge. “He loved us. Especially you. Always said how you were the light of his life and would do anything to see you happy.”

“I swear, if he sprouts some shi- stuff about me being the reason he’s a villain, I’m going to punch him.”

Hawks pushed past the two brothers, sighing as he pulled open the door. “I agreed to take you here so you can meet him, not beat him. And just hear him out, he’s got a lot on his mind right now and I may have forgotten to tell him that I’m bringing you two here. Whoops.”

Shouto nodded his thanks, forcing his legs to move. He didn’t want to meet Dabi. Touya and Dabi were two completely different people in his mind but he trusted Hawks. Things were going to be fine.

Security checked them out while Hawks filled out some paperwork, glancing back every few seconds to make sure they were okay. He’s known the Todoroki family since his hero training days and is good friends with all of them, but trusting his judgment on a matter this big is entirely different.

“Natsuo, can you come over here? It needs a signature from someone over 18 for you and Shouto.” 

Said boy shrugged and walked over, fingers fiddling with the end of his jacket. “Yeah man, tell me where I write it.”

Hawks gave him an incredulous look. “There’s no signature you dummy. Your dad is Endeavor, everyone here knows what you look like. But, how do you think you’re gonna take seeing Dabi? He's not the same Touya you remember, and you haven’t even seen what he looks like yet. I don’t want to see you or Shouto get hurt from this.”

“I… I can handle it.” Natsuo’s eyes softened. “You know, for a hero, you’re really just a big softie underneath all those feathers.”

Before Hawks could retort about how he’s always been this nice, one of the guards poked his head in. “Excuse me, Mr Hawks? You and your guests are cleared to go in. Please, follow me.” 

Shouto looked up from his phone and made his way over to the others. Hawks gave the brother’s shoulders a light squeeze before following the guard, making sure the boys were behind him.

All too soon the guard was stopping in front of another door, attempting to make small talk as he unlocked the door. None of them paid him much attention but he did get an autograph from Hawks, who really just wanted the man to shut up.

They got shuffled into the room for yet another security check, which held the exact same tools they used before so it seemed pointless. Or so, that’s what Shouto thought as he got pat-down by a woman who looked remarkably similar to the orange-haired chick from Class 1-B. Also, it was obvious the woman was feeling him up as she got to his arms. Shouto wanted nothing more than to whisper “pedophilia” but kept quiet. He’d never hear the end of it if Hawks heard it.

“Hey, Shouto, stop spacing out. We’ve cleared the final stage, now we can go meet that lovely brother of yours.” Hawks was holding the handle to yet another door, looking over his shoulder at the dual-haired teen. “There’s just one rule you have to follow. Don’t call him Touya.” With that he opened the door and let the brothers walk through before any of them could second guess what was on the other side.

Hawks followed Natsuo and Shouto in, gently closing the door behind himself. There was no need for the security to come in, and never before had Shouto been happier because he did not want for them to see him like this. 

Even after years of training to hide his emotions, he couldn’t control himself when he saw Dabi. 

Shouto couldn’t help the sharp intake he took, or the way his hands gripped tightly onto the edges of his jacket as he saw the scarred hands that haunts his dreams. 

He couldn’t help the way his throat felt like it was collapsing or how his mouth ran dry when he raked his eyes up to see jet blck hair.

And he definitely couldn’t help the red haze he saw when turquoise eyes met his own and the bastard opened his mouth to speak. “Sure has been a while, right guys?”

Something deep within him snapped and he flew across the room, drawing his right arm back and curling his fingers into a fist. Before Hawks could even shout at him to stop, Dabi’s head was already reeling from the impact, his head forced to the side from the force of it.

“Yep,” he coughed, spitting some blood to the floor, “I deserved that. ‘Suo? Want to take your shot?”

Natsuo’s face paled when he heard the nickname. Any doubts about his person being a fake left his mind and he could only take a step back as it all came crashing down to him. “Y-you’re really him.”

Dabi let out a smirk and made a move to comb a hand through his hair, but was stopped halfway as the handcuffs reached the end of the chain. “Did you really doubt me, ‘Suo? I told you I had plans to come back and I did, just a little bit later than expected.”

“It’s been 10 years. 10 years! You missed Fuyumi’s graduation. You missed Shouto getting burned when mo-”

“He doesn’t deserve to know about my life. He was missing for most of it and I bet he’s only running back now to ruin Endeavor’s reputation. News flash, we don’t need scum like you.” Shouto cut in from his hold in Hawks’ arms, where the latter had been trying to calm Shouto down to no avail.

Hawks stepped on Shouto’s foot, earning a grunt of pain from the smaller. “Todoroki Shouto, you listen here you little brat. I agreed to take you here on the premise that you wouldn’t attack him and there's nothing stopping me from taking you out of here right now. So you can either behave and listen to what he has to say or get out.”

“No no, it’s fine Hawks. I do kinda deserve it after I snatched that explosive kid right from his hand. What was his name? Bakugou? Meh, he wasn’t a very kind kid. Even threatened to blow my face off when I asked if his restraints were too tight for him to bust out of.”

“Um, I wouldn't have mentioned Bakugou if we wanted to keep Shouto calm. That’s going to be a touchy subject between you two and I don’t really want to be there for that conversation.” Natsuo chimed in from his perch against the wall, still steadying himself.

“Okay, ‘Suo, I’ll play nice. What brings my brother’s to my lovely containment room?”

“I’m not your brother.”

“Ah, poor little ‘To, what lies did Dad say about me this time. Was I a figment of your imagination? A family friend who moved away? Your cousin who moved to England?”

Shouto shoved Hawks off of him, stalking over to the table where Dabi sat and slamming his hands down on it. “Listen, to me you’ve just been someone from bedtime stories who was always the hero. I grew up wishing you were real and could save me from the hell I was living through. I didn’t have the luxury of leaving like you did. Even if I did, I wasn’t going to doom Natsuo or Fuyumi to the same thing I suffered through. You want to know why? Because that’s what Endeavor always wanted. He wanted me to act out so he could put me in my place, which I’m guessing he never did to you. Congratulations, your plan to get back at Endeavor has royally fucked up the people you tried to protect.”

The room kept getting colder and colder as Shouto spoke, frost creeping up his neck as he tried to hold back a full blast of ice from occurring.

To his credit, Dabi didn’t even look away during the younger’s rage. His eyes stayed in their half-lidded state, staring into his brother’s eyes like he could see all the way down into his soul. Only once Shouto was breathing heavily and leaning on the table did he speak.

“I understand. I didn’t mean for that to happen, believe me. You, ‘Suo, and ‘Yumi were my world when we were young and I never wanted anything to happen to you. But things change -- people change.” Dabi tilted his head down, hair covering the upper part of his face and he remembered his past. 

“Dad worked me to the point that my quirk started to destroy me and I had to leave. I wanted to take you three with me so we could all leave the nonsense of heroes behind but ‘Yumi said we needed to stay for Mom’s sake. We had a fight about it. That night I left, not even whispering a goodbye. A week later I came back though to beg for forgiveness after seeing first hand how messed up society is.” His head snapped up and turquoise eyes were once again staring into Shouto’s own. “I heard you crying ‘To, and the sounds of burning wood. Dad was yelling again about how more training was needed but this time it was aimed at you.

“Can you really blame me for becoming a villain? I needed to show Dad how strong people can be without relentless training with their quirks. Also, getting the chance to fight him is always a plus.”

The room was silent when Dabi finished talking. Hawks knew most of the story already, having spent a lot of time discussing how Dabi wanted to turn himself in and making sure he knew as much about the horrors that befell the Todoroki family.

Shouto didn’t know what to think. On one hand he hated Dabi for taking Bakugou during that training camp, but this wasn’t the same pompous asshole. This was Touya, the red-haired kid from his stories who always saved the day no matter what it took. He backed out of Dabi’s face and leaned against the wall.

Natsuo was the first to break the heavy silence. “Forgive me for asking this, but… you speak as though Dabi is just a mask you put on to show a more villainous side.”

“Hawks, could you please inform my dear brother of what you’ve found out about me.” Dabi’s voice softened. “And you can use the name, I’ll be fine.”

“Well you see --” Hawks shook out his wings and took a seat on the table “-- Touya and Dabi are essentially the same person. The only real difference is that Touya hasn’t really been alive since the dawn of Dabi. Dabi is the arsonist and Touya is the thinker. It’s not a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder and we don’t exactly have any name for it, but it’s looking like Touya is becoming more prominent the longer we keep him in here.”

“So now you’re saying that Dabi is the one who’s fucked up Bakugou but Touya is okay to be around. Either way, I have valid reasons to be mad at Dabi or Touya.” Shouto sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Look, this is still a lot to process so I think I’m just going to take the train back. You guys should stay, I know Natsuo has some things to ask. Dabi, I fucking hate your guts for taking Bakugou. Touya, you’re a little bitch for leaving. Natsuo, text me if you need me. Hawks, you better not breathe a word of this to Aizawa.”

Shouto shoved himself off the wall and walked out the door before any fully registered what he said, but no one made a mood to go after him. It was best to just let him cool down, or so they told themselves.

He fiddled with his phone as he walked past the security, nodding to the new guards on shift as they stared curiously at him. The ride back to UA was uneventful but his entire body was on high alert, like he was waiting for someone to jump out and yell “Surprise! You’ve been in a coma and dreamed the whole thing!”

Well, maybe not a coma, but there’s no way any of this was real.

Chapter Text

Gay Hell Hole

Gay: @momo can u create bleach with your quirk

Insomnia: oh shit that’s how bad it went huh

Momo: I assume I can but may I ask why you need it?

Gay: it’s the fine wine to my humble dinner

Space: @icon come get your mans

Icon: Let him do it @gay no balls

LSD: Dad the Bakugou is encouraging murder again

Gay: @icon come and kill me no balls u won’t bitch

Flextape: Dad the Bakugou is going to murder again

Iida: Again? Who has Bakugou already killed?

Rock: He finished off Pikachu and now he’s going after Zuko 

Dad: No murdering during school hours

Gay: it’s 8 pm???

Dad: School never ends

Gay: it will once i’m in ghost town

Dad: Think again

Cousin: Is Shouto trying to die again

Uncle: What do you mean “again”

Green: Are you joking?

Froppy: Todoroki asks for death like 4 times a day

Gay: not true

Gay: raise the number then u got it

Insomnia: Todo we’ve talked about this

Insomnia: The only time I thirst for death

Gay: is when Endeavor takes a breath

Icon: Keep your issues in the other chat

Green: Kacchan? Acting like he doesn’t have any issues?

Icon: Up your shut damn Deku

Space: @gay stop teaching your mans your language

Father: Children you should not curse

Uncle: Yeah listen to the old man’s words of wisdom

Father: I am not old?

Green: All Might is as old as Kacchan’s IQ

Icon: @green talk shit get hit

Aunt: So we’re really just gonna ignore how Todoroki asks for death on a regular basis

Dad: I can’t stop him unless I call Endeavor

Gay: you call that flaming ball of trash and i’m doing a flip off the roof

Cousin: Bold of you to assume I won’t catch you

Gay: bold of you to assume i won’t turn you into fried chicken on the way down

Rock: I don’t get it

Uncle2.0: Aizawa I think you may need to teach them more

Dad: Believe me. You cannot help these kids. Momo is the only good one

Momo: How sweet! Although, I do think Jirou and Sato’s group are quite excellent as well

Glitter: You really think so ma déesse?

Gay: excuse you i’m good

Papa: In class you’re fine but we also have to see you in the dorms which changes things

LSD: Did you find him during one of your rounds last night?

Papa: It took all of my willpower not to use my quirk when I found him just sitting on top of the cabinets eating noodles

Space: todo can’t cook??

Hugs: They were raw noodles. I saw him when I went to get a glass of water for Tokoyami but refused to make eye contact

Froppy: You and Tokoyami ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Momo: We have agreed not to gossip about relationships in this chat

Froppy: Ah yes my apologies I totally forgot

Froppy: But it’s not gossip if it’s true

Green: Can Tokoyami blush???

Pikapika: His feathers have a red tint that’s either blush or ketchup

Uncle: Kid, more things are red than just that 

Uncle: Speaking of kids has anyone seen my brother

Rock: Bro just @ him

Uncle: @iida brother come here I must converse with you

Space: i got this

Space: @iida i have some english homework you can complete :)

Gay: @iida haha i found them

Iida: Todoroki! Do! Not! Touch! Those! My! Good! Friend!

Pikapika: Can I touch whatever it is

LSD: If the prince can’t touch it then you definitely can't

Iida: Todoroki, if you know what is good for you I would advise you to walk away and not to eat them

Flextape: Did Todoroki find Iida’s drug stash???

Gay: god i wish i found a drug stash that’d be awesome

Gay: iida my friend my buddy my pal i did not find them so calm your tits before i actually try and look for them

Dad: All I wished for was one normal child and this is what I got instead

Green: Hey I’m normal

Birb: You break like 5 bones a day

Momo: I’d like to argue that I am normal

Pikapika: Valid point

Whomst: @icon come get your mans he’s on the roof again

Gay: put some clothes on u nasty i know for a FACT i’m the only one up here

Aunt: Hagakure we’ve talked about this

Cousin: You know I could just fly up there and grab Todoroki but I sorta wanna see how this turns out

Tintin: Why is there a line of ice giong from the roof to the grass?

Gay: s l i d e

Space: oh my god have you never been on a slide before bc that’s nOT THE CORRECT INCLINE OF A SLIDE

Uncle2.0: Is UA okay?

Father: I do not think so

Insomnia: Hey dad if Todoroki manages to make it down the slide alive can I go

Dad: Why don’t all of you see how steep of slide you can go down without being killed

Froppy: Dad has had enough of us lmao

Gay: weeeeeeeee

LSD: HOW THE FUCK

LSD: PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE ELSE SAW THAT TOO

Aux: Do you mean Todoroki being halfway down the slide until Bakugou just flew from nowhere and tackled him off?

Cousin: The one time I’m not near a window is when all the fun things happen

God: Oh dear, please do not get hurt unless the walls of UA can hide you

Rock: The walls are like 200 meters high I think we’re fine bro

Space: kirishima you may need to recalculate that

Gay: one of these days i’m going to commit manslaughter

Icon: Try me whore

Green: Hold up how come Todoroki can plan a murder and no one cares, Kacchan can plan one and everyone just ignores him, but when I plan one everyone backs away

Froppy: Todo is too bitchy to kill

Pikapika: Bakugou is like all bark no bite

Glitter: Mon ami, you have pages filled with everything you know about our quirks including weaknesses

Wavy: @gay Eri wants you to make a slide of ice for her but please actually look up what a slide is before you make it

Icon: Imagine not knowing what a slide is

Gay: imagine not knowing what a supportive mom is

Gay: i mean i don’t either but that’s besides the point

Insomnia: Can we not go 5 minutes without someone mentioning trauma

Icon: @gay @insomnia up your shut and get off main with that shit

Insomnia: No.

Gay: rather not my guy

Flextape: I have a question

Uncle: I do not have an answer

Papa: What do you need now Sero

Flextape: Wow the adults really don’t want us today. Are Todoroki and Bakugou actually dating?

Aux: Be very careful with what you’re about to say

Rock: They can read what you send bro

Gay: mind yo business david

Icon: @flextape and you wonder why I don’t hang around you fucking nosy extras

Flexape: But? In my defense?? They’re legit ALWAYS arguing and weren’t they like actually fighting a couple days ago when Todoroki left

LSD: On this day, I lost my good friend Sero. He was asking the right questions in the wrong chat. May he rest in peace

Momo: Sero, we agreed no relationship talks and that includes asking if the relationship in question is still going on

Momo: What Todoroki and Bakugou have with each other is nothing we need to know unless it jeopardizes the safety of us as a class, meaning they have no need to tell us what’s happening

Gay: @flextape idk what you’re on about but katsuki is stuck with me and even if he tried to leave me i’d sue him for theft

Flextape: What did he take? Your heart?

Gay: no he took my kitties out of their room and won’t let me see them

Icon: @gay rebellious bitches don’t get kittens

Gay: can i at least get some hugs i’m still upset from my trip with hawks

Icon: fucking fine

Cousin: Hold up now don’t make it sound like I’m the one who got you upset because you know good and well that was all your fault

Dad: @cousin fill me in at the teachers lounge

Uncle: Wait I wanna hear what happened

Pikapika: Me too

Iida: Tensei go away

Space: hahaha that’s right, you tell him off mr class rep

Uncle: @space I’ll run you over

Space: i’d like to see you try

Uncle2.0: @uncle please don’t injure another UA kid

Uncle2.0: it wasn’t fun seeing Aizawa tie you to a light pole and it was even less fun having to get you down :(

LSD: I- does he normally injure us???

Rock: He used me as a skateboard once. Just placed his chair on me and off we went down the stairs while I flexed

Green: Did you just call your quirk flexing

Rock: ...Bro both are things that make my muscles harder. Is that not what flexing is

Aux: Kirishima you’re nearing Kaminari levels of stupidity

Pikapika: No wait he might be onto something

Aux: And I rest my case

Tintin: Hey! Would anyone care to join me, Tamaki, and Nejire at the training room to practice fighting?

Green: Can I add you to my notebook and join you??

Tintin: As long as it’s not the Death Note then of course you can put us in your notebook!

Twiggy: i wanna be put in the death note

Rock: Back off with the negative vibes bro

Twiggy: sorry

Space: i wanna go too!!

Froppy: May I hop on over?

Wavy: The more the merrier!

Whomst: I’d like to join but I’m not that good at fighting…

Insomnia: Just ask for a gun to be a part of your costume and boom you now have a weapon

Dad: They turned you down on the gun idea Shinsou

Insomnia: Really? I’ll just go ask them personally then

Gay: @insomnia when u come back to the dorms can u bring me a drink

Space: get it yourself you rich hoe

Gay: no way i finally got someone to cuddle me and i’m not moving until dinner

Gay: also it’s rich bitch get it right next time

Cousin: @gay Lemme guess. Bakugou is crushing you like a heavy blanket?

Gay: @cousin u fucking know it and like he’s so warm it’s very nice to not have to think or do anything other than hug my bf when he can’t fight it :)

LSD: That’s gay

Insomnia: Fine I’ll bring your gay ass something

Insomnia: What do you want

Gay: bleach

Papa: Your dorms don’t even have bleach

Gay: then make me a hydrogen peroxide and vinegar cocktail

Iida: That creates a corrosive acid that will cause irritation at best and burns at worse

Gay: even better I can get another scar

Icon: Bakugou woke up and took my phone but he left his within reach so the joke’s on him -rich bitch

Uncle: Give us your best Bakugou impression please I’m begging you

Icon: FUCKING DEKU GET YOUR BITCH ASS OUT OF MY WAY

Green: Kacchan I’m not even near you or talking

Green: Oh I see

Green: 7/10 because we both know he wouldn’t bring me into a conversation

Icon: Ah yes of course how could I forget -rb

Insomnia: Like for real what do you want to drink

Icon: Maybe some tea? -rb

Dad: No hot liquids are allowed upstairs

Icon: Cold tea then -rb

Uncle2.0: why does this class have so many rules are they that wild

Momo: Sadly, most of my classmates are not trusted around anything that can cause harm so many things have to be limited

Icon: Me and Katsuki have the record for most rules set in stone -rb

Papa: We have 3 major problem children, 1 mildly problematic, and 3 that are more of a nuisance

Pikapika: You keep track??

Space: don’t forget about Tokoyami who almost ate glass

Birb: It wouldn’t have hurt my beak could’ve crunched it up

Hugs: No, Fumikage, we agreed not to do this anymore

Space: my fav emo boys are here :)

Icon: I thought i was your fav emo boy -rb

Froppy: You’re not emo

Froppy: Just sad and cursed

Icon: I love my friends they tell me such sweet things -rb

LSD: Why’d you sign your name I could’ve used that as screenshot material

Icon: Hence why I signed my name you pink buffoon -rb

Icon: @dad Omfg if you don’t adopt Shinsou I’m gonna sue you -rb

Dad: What did he do

Insomnia: One of these days I’m going to smother you with a cat Todoroki

Icon: He actually brought me some cold tea BUT he’s wearing a pajama set that MIMICS ERASERHEAD’S COSTUME and it’s just so nice?? Idgaf what his family situation is now but if you don’t make him your son I’m gonna rage -rb

Aux: Are you talking about his pajamas that have the blanket scarf? Shinsou chills in my room with those all the time they’re pretty cute

Aunt: I thought we set a rule that no boys and girls can be in the same room

Aux: I like tiddies, he likes not tiddies, it’s fine

Dad: I’ve learned more about Shinsou from this chat then I ever wanted to

Dad: And adopting a child is a serious matter. Mic and I would have to have a chat with Shinsou on it considering his parents are legally still responsible for him

Insomnia: Fuck my biological fam I wanna be Eri’s big brother

Tintin: Eri already views you as a brother! She loves drawing pictures when we visit her and you’re in a lot of them

Icon: If Shinsou gets adopted remember that I’m the one that caused it -rb

Papa: Don’t put yourself on that high of a pedestal, Todoroki. The three of us have been discussing this for a while and it’s not even a definite yes yet

Icon: Adopt purple bitch so he won’t be sad and do NOT feed this gremlin’s fucking ego. We’re both leaving now. Good freaking bye.

LSD: HE DIDN’T SWEAR AT THE END

Green: That’s the first time I’ve heard Kacchan say “freaking” in my life

Uncle: My little boy is growing up so fast

Rock: @uncle You never explained how you know Bakubro

Uncle: Shhh that’s a secret tool that’ll help us later

Space: wait i want to know the details of Bakugou’s life. tell us.

Uncle: Isn’t it close to your bedtime

Space: it’s 7 pm you have the time to share

Insomnia: @space you’re feisty for such a short person but that’s to be expected from your class

Green: That’s not Shinsou I’m guessing?

Insomnia: Sorry

Insomnia: A rat ran across my screen and typed

Koda: (´･ω･`)?

Glitter: Not a literal rat mon ami~

Insomnia: I dunno he kinda looks like one…

Koda: ( >﹏<。)

Aux: This chat is so calm now

Whomst: Momo has the idiots in a study session and the dream duo haven’t left their room yet

Aunt: Technically breaking the rules but I’ll allow it

Froppy: That’s literally the rule that’s broken the most

Space: and the “lights out at midnight” rule

God: Naught children get punished when they break the rules

Space: i’m begging you please rephrase that before todoroki joins the chat

Gay: oh yeah what are you gonna do? spank me? i hold enough trauma in my bones to take down a small planet. try. me. you. fool.

Space: @god great you ruined the quiet we had

God: Oh my, oh my, it seems as though someone does not realize I am the principal! I could have you expelled for talking in such a way…

Gay: do it and i file a complaint about how inconsiderate UA is to the mentally unstable and lgbt community :)

Froppy: @space Wanna bet that he’s gonna pull the wrong card like last time?

Space: we both know he’s gonna do it because some people actually think Todo is supportive his father

God: Hm, you may think you hold some power over me Mr Todoroki but your name is tarnished and the public is not as loving of Endeavor as you may think

Gay: hahahaha that’s so cute how u think i am powerless bc i may have endeavor’s last name but i also have his credit card, a deep rage that wont go away, and some v high power contacts so i think i’ll be fine with my little sob story

Icon: It’s been 5 fucking minutes since we woke up and you’re already in a damn fight with the principal

Space: oh and fighter number 2 has entered the ring

Froppy: This is getting better by the second

Icon: Nosy bitches

God: Ah yes, how could I forget that the reputation and family card does not work on Mr Todoroki. Mr Bakugou, if you’d be so kind to refrain your boyfriend from making such comments again

Icon: Nah I let him do what he wants as long as it won’t kill him

Gay: aww u care about me

Gay: @god  凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

Dad: Knock it off Todoroki. The more you misbehave the more I have to tell your father about

Gay: in my defense, a hoe gotta do what a hoe gotta do

Father: Are… are you a hoe Young Todoroki?

Icon: No he is fucking not

Gay: yes i fucking am

Icon: No He Is Fucking Not

Gay: no i am fucking not

Space: i still don’t understand how you two don’t kill each other every day

Froppy: They both got social issues so it works

Icon: I will throw a knife at you

Uncle2.0: as the only adult active right now i feel obligated to say this

Uncle2.0: please don’t throw a knife at her

Froppy: He’s too much of a bitch to actually do it

Gay: hold up katsuki is making me dinner can we postpone this fight

Space: it’s 9 pm

Gay: …..dinner

Tintin: Is it not customary to eat at this time?

Tintin: Tamaki does it all the time and he usually cooks me some as well

Gay: @tintin lemme guess. u stare as his ass while he cooks

Twiggy: please don’t answer that

Tintin: On some occasions my eyes have tended to… wander

Gay: it comes with having a bf that’s a god at cooking 

Twiggy: ᶦ ᵃᵐ ᵘⁿᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ

Icon: Me and this shy bitch are superior then

Momo: Oh! Would I also be superior?

Icon: You fucking bet your lesbian ass

Momo: @aux Do you also partake in watching my… ass… when I cook?

Aux: JKSMDSJSF I DIDN’T ASKED TO BE CALLED OUT THIS LATE AT NIGHT

Gay: not allowed in the kitchen bc i’m too gay to cook gang

Aux: rt

Tintin: Rt

Papa: @dad Come rt this, our children have called you out

Space: that’s not even surprising that aizawa can’t cook i bet he can’t even make toast

Gay: ah! a straight person! get it awayyyy

Space: be careful with your words

Space: i happen to have a bf that lives quite close to your precious kittens

Gay: u wouldn’t DARE

Space: oh i would

Space: Coco and Mochi are mine now you whore

Icon: He ain’t no fucking whore

Froppy: Uraraka is about to die isn’t she

Space: @green save me babe i have two cats and can only run so fast

Green: Who do I have to fight

Gay: me bitch

Green: Ah, I’ll just… not

Froppy: Deku was ready to cut someone up with no questions asked why can’t I find myself someone like that 

Space: my man >> your man

Gay: i beg to differ

LSD: This entire chat has just become Todoroki being extremely gay while we listen

Froppy: Yeah and you don’t even hear him during the school day

Green: He’s a man of few words but when he does talk we wish he didn’t

Space: all he mentions is Bakugou’s muscles

Gay: i think u mean his tiddies 

Icon: Fuck off

Gay: but?? he has a bigger cup size than jirou like my man got some big ass muscles

Icon: They’re big enough to lift your damn ego

Aunt: No cursing

 Pikapika: aaaaaAAAAAAAHH

Pikapika: I need some bleach for my eyes pretty please

Insomnia: Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

Rock: ??

Flextape: Shinsou was hanging out with the ENEMY

Papa: The League of Villains?

Pikapika: No he was with Monoma

Momo: Monoma?

LSD: Blonde guy from 1-B who hates us

Icon: Not that bitch

Dad: Look we all hate that kid but you’re not supposed to mention Kan or his students in here

LSD: Dad hates him too???

Dad: He copies my quirk and challenges me to a staring contest every time he sees me

Green: ....What happens if your quirk is erased

Icon: Lmao do you really think that blonde bitch won

Dad: Nothing, he hasn’t managed to beat me 

Space: are you saying that Vlad King knows when Monoma is mentioned

Papa: Kan has a 6th sense for when Monoma is getting into trouble, and I’m fairly certain Monoma knows when he’s being talked about

Pikapika: That guy has rabies I wouldn’t be surprised if he can sense that

Insomnia: You’re probably correct

Flextape: But why were you hanging out with that thing 

Insomnia: Training

Tintin: Aren’t you training with me and Nejire later?

Dad: You also trained early this morning with me

Insomnia: …Can I not train more than once

Green: You can’t train for an entire day. It’s self destructive

Dad: Of all people, you are not allowed to lecture him on what is self destructive 

LSD: Shinsou is getting in trouble??

LSD: I thought he was Dad’s favorite and could do no wrong

Papa: What’s with you guys and assuming we have favorites

Aunt: Yeah all of you are equally terrible

Iida: Whoever is in the common room, could you please turn down that music? 

Pikapika: Nah

Rock: But it’s so soothing bro

Iida: Please?

Uncle: Turn it up louder. Ignore his cries. Tenya must resort to the talk™ if he wants anything

Uncle2.0: be nice to tenya he’s doing his best

Space: don’t bully the class pres :(

Flextape: Okay but the music Kami has playing is fire

Gay: gasp

Gay: is that moog city???

Rock: Todobroki how can you even hear that

Gay: look out the window

Iida: Stop climbing down the balconies

Froppy: That was him? Holy fuck I was ready to throw hands with whatever that was

Gay: u still can if u want to bc i’m always down to fight

Icon: @gay Stop picking fights and come back upstairs you whore

Pikapika: Guys I still wanna know why Shinsou trains with that 1-B boy

Rock: And why Todobroki can recognize Minecraft music 

Uncle: Todoroki has been playing Minecraft for years but he absolutely sucks at it

Momo: Oh! Is that the block game where you build?? It was quite fun when we played it at the last gala

Pikapika: Goddess has played the humble game of Minecraft?? Blessed are we today

Gay: momo is only good at farming if she does ANYTHING else then she manages to die

Uncle: You’re one to talk all you can do is mine

Iida: Tensei, I do recall you only being able to fish or punch the trees

Uncle: Shut up Tenya all you ever did was build us a house and then never leave said house

Space: it’s true he even does that when we play

Green: To be fair, Iida can construct a great house and even manages to give us color themes and renovates all the time to make sure it’ll match with our garden

LSD: Yeah all we do when we play Minecrft is build dirt huts and die

Gay: imagine dying

Gay: wish it were me   (・ε・)

Insomnia: Ah yes dying would sound perfect rn

Icon: You need fucking help

Insomnia: But so do you

Icon: I’d go after you but that’s what you fucking want isn’t it

Gay: i volunteer to die in shinsou’s place

Icon: No.

Gay: :(

Pikapika: Stop being suicidal we’re trying to talk about Minecraft

Cousin: @gay no dying until you and your family stop being bitches

Gay: endeavor is a little piss baby and can go eat a morning star

Cousin: Not the family member I’m talking about but okay

LSD: Tea??

Rock: Drama??

Pikapika: Hotel??

Flextape: Trivago??

Karate: What’s a morning star

Gay: spikey ball attacthed to a chain

Gay: good for going whap whap and makes pretty thunk clink thunk clink noise

Papa: How do you know what noise it makes

Gay: :)

Froppy: We stopped questioning him weeks ago and you should too

Whomst: I think I’m going to keep questioning Todoroki

Pikapika: Why are the dweebs of class 1-A actually chatting with us

Birb: Offensive

Hugs: We have beaten all of the board games that UA has provided us with an have no means to entertain ourselves

Whomst: Yeah Todoroki is like our own personal Kardashian

Karate: Free entertainment

Gay: thank u for that my quotidian staight friends

Rock: Bro use some small words please

Gay: mundane

LSD: ...smaller

Gay: dull

Pikapika: ??

Gay: boring as shit

Icon: Holy fuck you shits are stupid

Momo: We just studied Japanese Lit. I am disappointed but not surprised.

Aunt: Welcome to the life of being a teacher

Todoroki + Freeloader

Adopted: If I got Dabi a phone can I add him here

Girl: I’m still not sure if he’d want to speak with me...

Boy: He’s fine Fuyumi, he like doesn’t even care that much about the past

Kid: uh i beg to differ he seemed to care a lot

Boy: No, you cared a lot and made him talk about it

Adult: If that truly is Touya then I would like to talk to him. You may add him.

Kid: endeavor said yes so i say no♡

Girl: Shouto he’s your father at least call him that

Kid: no☆*:・ﾟ

Cousin: Have you been hanging out with Aoyama?

Kid: and koda (✿◡‿◡)

Boy: The votes are 4 - 1 since Shouto is being a baby and won’t agree

Boy: We outnumber him so I say you should just add Dabi

Cousin: I said I was gonna get him a phone how the fuckk did you know he already had one

Girl: You like to do things without telling us then consult us later

Boy: Also you gave that trait to Shouto so we’re used to it

Kid: now i don’t ask before or after i do things lmao

Adult: That is not a joking matter. It could get you killed one day.

Kid: l

Kid: m

Kid: a

Kid: o

Adopted: Alright I’m gonna add him then

Adopted added Dabi to the chat

Kid changed Dabi to Bitch

Adopted: Shouto no. Be nice

Kid changed Bitch to Dead

Dead: You know what?

Dead: I’ll take it

Adopted: Hello Touya

Dead: Lemme just,,, skrrt around that

Boy: Oh yeah, you want to be called Dabi right

Girl: Is that so? Hello then Dabi

Dead: Yumi?? It’s been so long wow I wish I could see you in person. I don’t really care about the name thing

Kid: hey whore ass bitch

Adult: Why are you using such foul language

Kid: cause it pisses u off

Adopted: I literally said to play nice 

Boy: In his defense, he’s being moderately nice to Touya

Adult: Shouto, you’re supposed to respect me. If not because I’m your father then at least because I’m a pro hero

Kid: @adult  (＃￣□￣)o━∈・・━━━━☆☆fuck off☆☆

Dead: Glad to see hating Dad has been passed through the family

Girl: I don’t hate him!!

Boy: You can’t hate anyone

Dead: Yumi you’ve always been such a lover and not a fighter. Shocking considering this thing “raised” you

Kid: see?? I’m being nice to dabi

Kid: haven’t said anything bad yet

Adopted: You’re too busy trashing Endeavor to even give him the time of day

Boy: At least they have something in common

Girl: I’m still confused. What do we call him. Dabi or Touya??

Dead: Very long story short, I don’t care

Dead: I’ll answer to both

Dead: Hawks calls me them interchangeably

Dead: That weird kid who texted me randomly calls me Kawaii

Adopted: You have a kid texting you?

Dead: He said I could call him Calamari

Kid: oh holy shit no fucking way that’s him

Adopted: It has to be

Kid: lmfao ofc he’d be the one to text an ex-villain on accident

Girl: Forgive me for not following the conversation. This is a lot of process

Boy: It took me a few days, you’re doing fine Fuyumi

Adopted: @kid are you gonna tell him or should I

Kid: no i’m definitely gonna wait this out and see if kaminari realizes who he’s chatting with

Dead: Isn’t that the electric kid from your class

Kid: please drop small hints about what your family name is i’m begging u bc i NEED to see his reaction when he finds out

Adult: I thought Touya was brought into this chat so we could discuss the past few years

Dead: I was brought here to make your life hell

Adopted: Aww look at Shouto and Touya getting along

Kid: @dead eat a landmine♡♡

Boy: Oh you just had to call him out on it

Adopted: I forgot he acts before he thinks and was being chaotic. I’m sorry

Boy: How can you just casually forget the sheer force that is Shouto

Adopted: Okay so he’s pretty normal in school when he isn’t talking

Girl: Ah, yes, the perfect example of a controlled face

Kid: whooo i just burned an endeavor doll my mental health went up can i get an oh yeahhh

Kid: that’s awkward this is the wrong chat

Boy: See what i mean?

Dead: You’re telling me that is Shouto??

Adopted: Oh you don’t even know the half of it

Chapter Text

Hahaha

Physical changed Mental to Angry

Physical changed Emotional to Tired

Physical changed their name to Sad

Sad: i’m sad

Angry: We’ve fucking known that

Tired: Aren’t we all sad

Angry: I ain’t sad

Sad: stop lying to yourself

Sad: aizawa made us this chat so we can be sad together

Sad: and so i’d stop bothering him with my “mentally unstable” texts

Tired: To be fair, he can only take so many 4 am depressing messages

Angry: Get some sleep you fucks no more 4 am texts

Sad: u care how sweet

Sad: but guess what i just did

Sad: or well what i’m doing

Sad: more like planning to do once my package comes in

Tired: Burn Endeavor merchandise?

Sad: u fucking know it

Angry: Holy shit and you’re gonna do it without me? Bitch

Sad: just because i torched that endeavor doll alone doesn’t mean i’m not going to invite u to my other pyro-parties

Sad: you’re invited too shinsou

Tired: Wow the first party I’ve been invited to

Tired: We should bring the emo group

Angry: Bird fucker could put a curse on Endeavor

Sad: hawks???

Tired: No, that’s bird bitch

Tired: He means Tokoyami

Angry: I am appalled. My own bitch of a boyfriend doesn’t know my fucking names for people. Rude ass little shit

Tired: Now I see why Sero was confused on if you two actually date

Sad: he can’t get rid of me

Angry: He’s a bitch and he knows it

Angry: Soy Sauce is a nosy hoe anyways

Angry: Just like you

Tired: Remind me why I hang out around you?

Sad: bc our therapist wanted to do group sessions and we must stick close to each other lest someone spill the deets of our lives

Angry: Shut the fuck up

Tired: How about you shut the fuck up

Angry: No

Sad: no fighting :(

Sad: anyways i’m off to go commit a felony

Gay Hell Hole

Gay: who here can drive

Uncle2.0: do you need a ride? I’d be happy to pick you up

Cake: Don’t fall for his traps

Froppy: Oh you poor soul

Pikapika: What did Todo do to Sato that was worse than what I did to him

Gay: why must u assume i did something to him

Space: bc you probably did

Cake: He asked me to bake some cupcakes for his father’s birthday. So I did but left some of the batch here to eat later. That night, I heard on the news that Endeavor had been violently sick on patrol after eating a gift given to him, so I put two and two together that Todorki did something

Cake: I figured that out while I was eating some of the batch I made for Endeavor

Froppy: Holy shit

Uncle2.0: oh no!! were you alright? did you also get sick?

Cake: Had to stay in Recovery Girl’s office for a day or so but it wasn’t too bad.

Gay: okay so in my defense

Gay: i didn’t know u saved some of the batch

Uncle2.0: that’s not a good reason?? you should be ashamed of what sato had to go through

Gay: i am ashamed of nothing

Froppy: The only thing Todoroki has ever been ashamed of is his heritage

Gay: heritage? endeavor is my dad? i know nothing of the sort

Pikapika: Who is this Endeavor you speak of

Dad: No bashing the heroes in the chat

Gay: aizawa! did u know u have a fan group called “daddy-zawa stans”

Dad has left the chat

Uncle2.0 has added Dad to Gay Hell Hole

Uncle2.0: i seem to recall you not letting me leave

Dad: @uncle your boyfriend is a little shit

Uncle: I know!! Isn’t he lovely!

Uncle2.0: lol you forgot we are both little shits

Gay: BACK TO MY QUESTION

Dad: No.

Gay: what if i,,,

Gay changed Dad to Daddy

Daddy: NO

Aux: What did I just open my phone to

Pikapika: MY  E Y E S  I NEED  B L E A C H

Pikapika: @rock @flextape @lsd

LSD: WHAT HAPPENED

Rock: Um

LSD: MOMO MAKE US SOME QUICK

Flextape: Todoroki…. Why would you do something so controversial yet so brave

Daddy: I’m unadopting you Todoroki

Gay: :(

Icon: I wish you were dead

Icon: And I’m talking about all of you fucks

Green: :)

Daddy: @space change my name 

Space: why me

Daddy: You’re always online and will do it

Space: no i won’t

Daddy: Say goodbye to your allowance

Space changed Daddy to Sugar Daddy

Gay: JBDVMNSK

Pikapika: OH MY GOD

Insomnia: What did you guys do to my dad omfg

Papa: Would any of you care to explain why Aizawa just walked into the teacher’s lounge and is banging his head on the ground?

Papa: Oh

Papa: I see

Papa: @aunt @uncle @father look at what the kids have done

LSD: Excuse you that was just Uraraka and Todoroki

Flextape: Yeah for once it wasn’t us

Aunt: HAHAHA I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED YOU TWO

Uncle: PLEASE ENABLE SCREENSHOT @god I’M BEGGING YOU

Space: that and the fact we’re gay

Green: You’re gay??

Space: only in spirit babe

Father: I do not understand

God: @uncle then beg!

Unsle2.0: ...i would just like to know how we went from talking about todoroki poisoning people to aizawa’s fan club

Gay: dont pull the dumb card

Gay: i saw how u and your bf were members

Sugar Daddy: This news should be more surprising than it is

Gay: :)

Sugar Daddy: Someone change my name before I commit child abuse

Insomnia changed Sugar Daddy to Hobo

Papa changed Hobo to Homo

Homo: Forget child abuse

Homo: It’s straight assault now

Pikapika: “straight” assault u say?

Homo: 1 hour on Monday Kaminari for that awful joke

Homo: Same goes for anyone else who changed my name

Insomnia: Lemme just dip real quick

Gay: :(

Icon: Fucking come on Sho. I gave you ONE damn rule to follow

Gay: :’(

Space: i’m too poor for detention

Pikapika: I’m too dumb for detention

Gay: i’m too unstable for detention

Insomnia: I’m too tired for detention

Homo: No. Do you want it to be 2 hours?

Icon changed Homo to Dad

Icon: There I changed your fucking shitty name back. Me and my bitch continue with our damn plans Monday. Take it or leave it

Dad: No blast Midoriya for 3 days

Icon: THATS SO FUCKING UNFAIR