Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

donghyuck wakes up to heavy rain.

funny, he could have sworn the weather forecast said it was going to be sunny all week. he was supposed to go out with his friends today but the sky is dark and gloomy with no sign of the clouds clearing, and he has this splitting headache. searing, hot pain at the back of his skull. he’s never experienced anything like it before in his fifteen years on earth.

“you alright?” comes johnny’s voice. wait, why is he in his and mark’s room? what time is it?

he’s going to be in big trouble if he’s late for early morning practice. he’s been coming in earlier and staying up until later as the plans for their debut are finalized and the months before he finally sheds his trainee titles are numbered. this is the worst time to slack off.

donghyuck faces away from the foggy window to look at johnny. he’s occupying the second bed in the room, his face lit by the dim screen of his phone. 

“hyung, did you get a haircut?” his voice falters as he winces from the pain. that’s not his and mark’s room, and it's certainly not a hotel room either. donghyuck has slept in odd places before and woke up not knowing how he got there: in practice rooms and makeup chairs and the back of his classroom. an entirely new place though?

his eyes flicker towards every corner of the room, desperately trying to find a familiar object to cling onto, but there are none. the sleepy haze clouding his mind is clearing and he still can’t tell.

“in the five hours between the time i said goodnight to you and right now? not to my knowledge.” johnny replies easily, threading his fingers through his short, dark brown curls. “why, does it look weird?”

“it looks different,” donghyuck insists. “i think i might have slept for too long, like i don’t know where the hell i am anymore.”

johnny whistles. “that’s the worst feeling.”

he waits for johnny to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

“it would be so funny if i actually forgot and you had to tell me.”

“totally, good thing you can recognize the room you sleep in every day though,” johnny says. “go back to sleep if you’re really tired. we don’t have any schedules today.”

donghyuck blinks. why would he need to point that out when they have a ‘schedule’ once every two weeks.  “what about practice?”

“for what? donghyuck, i think you should try going back to sleep and then start this conversation over in a few hours.”

“i’m good,” donghyuck replies even though the splitting headache is only getting worse. he stumbles out of bed and then stands in front of the door for a full minute.

the throbbing pain through his muscles is in all the wrong places, just like they do when their dance instructors introduce a new routine that his body is not familiar with. that feeling times one thousand.

“the bathroom is the second door on the left. you know, just in case you really forgot,” johnny quips sarcastically.

“shut up hyung,” donghyuck bites back even though he’s thanking all his lucky stars he actually answered.

the living room is unfamiliar but feels like home all at once, and the clash of emotions hits donghyuck so hard he winces again and stumbles back. yuta looks up from his breakfast to shoot him a worried look.

yuta is different too. his hair is down to his shoulders and it’s a shade of blond he’s never seen on him before. his face has matured, almost as if he’s just aged five years.

“did you sleep in your gaming chair again?” he asks, half teasing and half actual concern. 

“what do you mean agai–” donghyuck begins to ask, and then realizes that much like his conversation with johnny earlier, this probably won’t go anywhere. “i woke up in my own bed, i guess.”

yuta snorts. “you guess? you’re not sure about where you woke up?”

donghyuck rolls his eyes. “so you’re going to be insufferable about it too.”

“what does that mean?” yuta yells as he shuts the bathroom door behind him. “hey donghyuck! what the hell does that mean?”

woah. he’s a lot taller, the tip of his head close to the mirror’s edge. it’s his face but it also isn't. the constellation of moles and round face and downturned brown eyes are the same, but he’s hollower, longer, and there is a little red spot on his neck, right over his collarbones. it’s almost as if–

almost– almost– almost–

he runs out of the bathroom and back to his room. yuta is still screaming for an explanation.

donghyuck ignores the sarcastic remark that was already halfway through johnny’s mouth to ask a possibly incredibly stupid question.

“what’s today’s date?”

“it’s the 13th of july– oh, actually the 14th.” 

“of what year?”

johnny narrows his eyes at him. “uh, the year of the rat? well, teacher sooman called it the year of global domination at the company christmas party but i honestly think he’s full of shi–”

“of what fucking year!”

“it’s 2020, and watch your tone, jeez.”

donghyuck’s mind goes completely blank, the pain is gone and is replaced by overwhelming nothingness that render him thoughtless and speechless. it’s an incomprehensible situation that he was never equipped to deal with mentally.

what.

“you’re fucking with me,” he tries.

“you’re a little more, what’s the word,” johnny scrunches his nose. “aggressive? a little feral?”

he says it like it’s the strangest thing in the world, as if donghyuck doesn’t torment him and the rest of the trainees on a regular basis, as if he didn’t coerce jeno and jisung into stealing all the hyungs’ shoes and hiding them in johnny’s locker room just last week. what does he mean donghyuck is a little feral. 

the future is fucking weird.

“and that’s weird. to you.” 

“last night you were trying to give me haechanie’s super special powerful love attack , so yeah, i am a little disoriented right now.”

donghyuck shudders. he hates to admit it, but that sure sounds like him. “haechan?”

johnny points at him. “haechan.”

“interesting….”

“yeah, you truly are the most interesting person in the world. are you going to keep standing here with the door wide open? i would like to have some privacy, please.”

“whatever, i’m starving.” he slams the door behind him.

so the future, huh. okay. 

he walks over to yuta and whispers. “hey, is johnny hyung playing a prank on me?”

“what sorta prank?” yuta asks, mouth still full of food. “if it’s johnny it’s probably something really lame.”

although he can’t for the life of him think of a way for johnny to pull off such a massive joke, it’s still a more plausible alternative than him traveling in fucking time. also, it’s lame as hell. “like what if he pretended that i woke up in the future and now it’s uh, say, 2020?”

yuta tilts his head. “but it is 2020.”

his heart sinks. “right. just ignore i said anything! haha!”

yuta nods, smiling. “you’re a really funny kid, donghyuck.”

he’s heard that a lot growing up, and he can’t help but feel somewhat comforted by the word kid. “you always say that.”

“do i?” he wonders, pulling on the ends of his long strands. he really looks like a different person, and it’s blowing donghyuck’s mind. this is real. “well it’s true!”

he sits down across from him, hands shaking as he reaches for the utensils. yuta fills his plate with food without him even asking, stacking it up with all of donghyuck’s favorites. he must be used to doing this every morning. 

there are a million things racing through his mind now but his deepest natural instincts tell him that he must eat . his stomach growls loudly in agreement. 

the door across the kitchen creaks open, and donghyuck only slightly turns around to see a blurry red figure scurry to take a seat next to him. the smile on yuta’s face grows wider, more obnoxious, and it makes him want to punch his new face.

it’s mark.

donghyuck’s breath hitches in his throat. his best friend is unrecognizable. just a tiny bit taller than he is, his hair is chopped short up to his ears, his cheekbones sculpted by the gods. holy shit, mark dumbass lee grows up to be hot? is this some form of twisted karma? 

he still wears his dorky glasses though, and they make donghyuck feel at ease. he tries to resist the urge to push them far up his long nose bridge like he does whenever mark annoys him. maybe they don’t do that anymore.

mark seems to hesitate, hanging his hands in the air before curling them down into donghyuck’s free one and giving it a gentle squeeze. redness blooms in his cheeks. 

sirens blare in donghyuck’s brain, but his body melts into warm goo. 

“do you guys give your clothes a run through the laundry before you share them?” yuta scrunches his nose. donghyuck takes a couple of whiffs, but picks up nothing. “i’ve always wondered.”

“what the fuck are you on about, hyung?” donghyuck asks.

yuta points a chopstick at mark’s red shirt accusingly. “that’s yours, and now mark is wearing it. i’m about eighty five percent sure i saw you in it yesterday morning. now, kids, i’m all for you doing….whatever the fuck it is you do together. i support that like love is love et cetera, but negligence of personal hygiene is where i have to draw the line.”

“is it?” mark asks, his first words of the day. voice low in his throat like he has a cold. he puts fingers to his lips, and clears his throat. “i guess i keep getting confused. i just picked them up from the floor.”

donghyuck has a more pressing question. “why would my clothes end up on mark’s floor?”

“gross, donghyuck, don’t make me say it out loud,” yuta replies, actually sounding flustered. 

he narrows his eyes at him, and then looks at mark (he really does look so fucking good), who avoids his eyes, although his grip around his hand only tightens.

and that’s when it all clicks.

oh no.

if donghyuck stares straight ahead, he can pretend this isn’t happening.

straight ahead in this case being the ceiling of their dorm living room. he could trick himself into thinking this lightbulb is a particularly interesting shape if he squinted at it long enough. anything to distract himself from the fact that his head is in mark’s lap, who is distractedly threading his long fingers through his curls while watching tv. 

it sounds romantic but it’s anything but. mark pushed his head down while they were sitting next to each other without warning.

it’s still raining, and the room is dark and quiet. yuta mentioned something about taeyong’s plants and disappeared, and johnny is probably asleep again. 

what the fuck happened in the past five years that he, lee donghyuck, the handsomest and most charming trainee, has chosen to date mark of all people? is it purely because he’s hot now? he’d hoped he would be less shallow at age twenty, because there is no way he’s actually into mark’s dorky personality. all he does is laugh too loud at his jokes, practice until his scrawny body gives in, and ask donghyuck if he stole his glasses. they’re good at best friends but anything more than that is incomprehensible.

mark seems exactly the same too, that terror in his eyes whenever he looks at donghyuck hasn’t changed. damn, they must be in a very strange relationship. 

donghyuck also can’t figure out the password to his phone, and it’s driving him insane because he knows for a fact that all the answers to his questions are hidden inside it. instead he just has to stare at the failed attempt message and a picture of a baby cheetah he set as his lock screen. also, he’s using an android phone for some unfathomable reason. it’s the same model mark is using. could it be….no. nope. there is no way he’s that much of a loser. he must have some semblance of dignity left. 

mark is not speaking to him, fingers firmly in his hair and eyes glued to the tv. it would be so much easier if he did. donghyuck has no idea how to talk to this mark, and so for the first time in his life he is too afraid to speak.

“mar–”

“iiiiis anyone up for coffee?” johnny suddenly emerges from their room, and donghyuck jolts up, and then remembers that everyone knows and nobody cares . “oh, it’s just you two. i’m not intruding again am i?”

donghyuck’s eyes are shaking. “again?”

“gross, donghyuck. can we not get into the details?” johnny turns up his nose. “it just stopped raining, so taeil hyung and i are going to get coffee and maybe walk around for a bit.”

donghyuck looks at mark for guidance, but he’s looking back at him cluelessly. their eyes meet and they do that telepathy thing they mastered by their second year of living together where they decide to say the same thing at the same time from a single look. 

“of course!”

johnny smiles, and his eyes linger on the two of them. “it’s good to have you both here, it’s been so long.”

donghyuck doesn’t ask what he means by that, he thinks the answer would be too painful.

the city is so much prettier when it’s damp.

it’s shiny and dark at the same time, and there is a quiet lull in the street coupled with the fresh scent of rain that eases donghyuck’s heart. it’s all that, and taeil being the first person who looks exactly the same way he did five years ago. a familiarity he can cling to.

mark tries to put his hands around his shoulders first, and then grabs his hand when that proves to be inefficient and awkward. donghyuck can hear johnny and taeil giggling behind them, and turns red but doesn’t resist. 

as they take a turn and step out into the main street, people’s head begin to turn. a girl’s eyes widen and squeals when she recognizes them, her friend next to her is scrambling to take a video with her phone.

“hyung, what is going on?” donghyuck whispers to taeil.

“do you have a fever or something?” taeil feels his forehead. he turns to johnny. “is he okay?”

“hasn’t been since this morning,” johnny shrugs. “i thought the fresh air would knock senes into him, but it doesn’t seem to work.”

“you said you missed me and shit,” he replies defensively, and taeil snorts. 

“he sulks in my room whenever you’re over at dream, you know,” taeil says, winking, as if he has any idea what that is supposed to mean. when donghyuck is sleeping? 

“and me, i also miss you,” mark says, and clears his throat again. donghyuck can’t get used to that voice. 

how many hours a day does donghyuck fucking sleep? “i, uhm, miss you too?”

mark blushes and looks away as he interlaces their fingers. donghyuck feels a tiny squeeze in his chest.

johnny ends up leading them to the same place he used to get his coffee all these years ago, and the staff prepare their drinks without asking for their orders. everyone in the cafe stares, but they keep to themselves in a corner and pretend they don’t notice, like it’s a regular occurance.

so it’s 2020, and they finally made it.

later, mark stares at the three drinks and four straws on their table intently. he then grabs one straw and scoots closer to donghyuck.

“mark lee! sorry for the delay, but your vanilla latte is ready,” the barista yells from across the room, and all eyes fall on his hand, frozen halfway before his straw dipped into donghyuck’s iced coffee. he chuckles to himself awkwardly and hurries to take it off the counter. seriously, did every possible person donghyuck could date perish from this planet, leaving him with no other choice?

“how are the kids doing?” johnny asks, and donghyuck’s blood runs cold. he’s a father now too? “doyoung keeps complaining that jeno doesn’t reply to his texts fast enough, and there’s no use telling him you guys have been busy these past few months.”

oh. phew.

“they’re great, and by great i mean they’ve tried to murder each other at least three times this past week.” he doesn’t know if that’s true but it has applied to every week of his life since he joined sm. he’s dying to ask why they’re not living together, but then remembers what johnny said before they left. maybe it’s a subject best left untouched.

“just the usual then?” 

“exactly.”

mark is restless from where he’s sitting next to him. he grabs his hand again and lets it go, tries his shoulders again, puts an arm around them first and then watering it down to a hand casually leaning on, then he finally loops their arms together, making it harder for them to move or have a conversation but refuses to let go. the only reason donghyuck doesn’t resist is because he can’t break character.

 that’s all.

ıllıllııllıllııllıllı

for the first time in a very, very, long time, mark wakes up in a room all by himself. 

he loves the sound of rain, and although it makes no sense for it to rain at this time of the year, he hums happily to himself and sinks deep into the covers. rain means that he doesn’t have to go out with donghyuck and their loud friends this afternoon.

but his short seconds of bliss are just that, and his phone buzzes with a song he’s never heard in his life, scaring the living shit out of him. he rolls back and hits the wall hard against back. his phone lands on the floor.

mark knows it’s his because even though he’s never seen this model before, it’s still a worn out galaxy covered in a case that’s falling apart but he can’t get himself to throw out because of sentimental value. 

he rubs his back and crawls down to pick it up, but before he could turn off his awful alarm (what the fuck is this song?), his lock screen background almost sends him into cardiac shock.

two intertwined hands, one is unmistakably his while the other, and he hates himself more than anything for instantly recognizing it, even more because he can count every mole on his hand, point it out in a lineup of hundreds, is donghyuck’s.

the phone falls out between his fingers like it just burned his skin. his unfamiliar, but deeply familiar surroundings are much more glaring now that he’s looking away and anywhere except for that cursed thing he was just holding.

that’s his guitar propped on the corner, there’s a bright red vancouver shirt that he never bought but most definitely doesn’t belong to anyone but him, and most damning of them all are the glasses on the bedside table.

he puts them on. his vision turns sharp and crisp.

if this is a dream, he really hates it because it’s not a funny one he can tell the other trainees about without getting teased to the moon and back. no, this is absolutely embarrassing and humiliating and he won’t speak about it to another soul.

mark bites his lips and climbs back into bed. it’s alright, if he drifts off to sleep in this dream he’ll wake up in real life again. 

an unspecified amount of hours later, he’s still in his not-room.

okay. the universe wants to be funny and drop him here for longer than expected. he’ll go along with it until he finally wakes up. he stretches his arm over his head, and his bones crackle the same way they always do so at least he knows he’s still him. 

he takes a closer look at his room, feeling like an astronaut who just landed on a foreign planet. there is a humble shelf filled with memorabilia across the bed. most of them are albums. that’s weird, they’re their albums, with the group name their management decided on a few months ago.

neo culture technology.

are they prototypes for their debut album? but they all have different lineups on the cover. some don’t even have mark in them. also, what the fuck is wayv ? there’s him with frizzy blond hair that makes him wonder how he ever agreed to have it done to his scalp, there’s his face in black and white, and then him in all white with his friends and two boys he’s never seen before.

and then there are things that must hold some sort of sentimental value but make no sense to him: a school badge with the name lee donghyuck, a paper hat from in-n-out, a gucci bracelet, a stack of tarot cards, and two patches with the numbers 66 and 02 on them.

back to the phone. he picks it up in disgust, with the tips of his fingers barely touching it. it unlocks easily into a kakaotalk conversation. to his horror, it’s between him and donghyuck. and they’re not calling each other names that would get them scolded in front of the entire practice room.

MARK: night.

DONGHYUCK: good night, love you.

i love you ? is one of them dying from a terminal illness? sure, on a good day, the two of them might admit that they don’t wish the most painful death on each other, and that, god forbid, they enjoy each other’s company, but they’re fifteen and it’s a perfectly normal method for them to process their emotions. mark thinks it’s a lot more progressive than doyoung and jaehyun not speaking to each other one minute and then sneaking out to make out the very next. 

he purses his lips and scrolls up, desperately searching for context. it gets worse.

DONGHYUCK: you should make it up to me. it’s been almost two full weeks without you and i’ve had to make do by myself.

MARK: you could just text me.

DONGHYUCK: time difference, dork. 

there is a two minute interval between this message and the next.

MARK: anything you want.

DONGHYUCK: dinner at our favorite place first night you land.

MARK: and after?

DONGHYUCK: lol you can’t keep it in your pants for one minute. and after–

what follows is a series of texts containing incredibly vivid descriptions of things that mark has never, ever, experienced outside the realm of his fantasies.

mark drops the phone again, his face on fire and his heart attempting to rip through his chest. 

he and donghyuck want to– he and donghyuck have already– he and donghyuck seem to regularly–

the lee donghyuck name tag and the two little sixes and that scent in his bed that he knew but couldn’t exactly place. the clouds over his thoughts clear to reveal a horrifying new reality, as a higher deity in the sky looks down on him and cackles madly. 

that damn phone, it’s vibrating again. this time with messages from yuta.

YUTA: are you up? auntie made a big breakfast but no one’s eating:(

YUTA: oh wait, your boyfriend’s here. he’s muttering a lot of gibberish. i think you should come get him.

mark begins to type my boyfriend? when yuta continues his train of thoughts and stomps on any seed of doubt.

YUTA: did you and donghyuck go drinking last night? wait, he would have spent the night in your room if you did. anyway, please take him off my hands. he’s screaming at johnny right now. 

YUTA: and don’t you dare pretend you’re not reading my messages. i caught you typing for a split second.

mark is cornered.

he pushes against the edge of his bed and hugs his knees together. this isn’t right. he should be getting ready for practice and showing donghyuck his new songs he’s been learning to play and then the two of them have the entire afternoon off so they were going out for lunch with jisung, jeno, and jaemin and either a movie or playing at the park after. 

their favorite place is the mcdonalds across from the practice building, but that’s not what this donghyuck means. it was like he was reading a conversation between two strangers.

another message from yuta.

don’t go back to sleep!

he puts on the red shirt and stumbles out of the room.

a man who vaguely looks like yuta waves at him like an excited dog. he flashes his teeth, which confirms his identity to mark.

across from him is donghyuck stuffing his face, and mark could swear he could see all the obscene words he’s texted him swirling around him menacingly. as his heart is pounding against his chest, he sits next to him and tries to play it cool, but once he gets a close-up look his breath is stolen from his lungs.

no one would believe him if he said it back in the real world, but he’s always found donghyuck pretty. ever since they first met, mark thought his soft brown curls made him look like a cherub. and although that perception shatters whenever he opens his mouth and reveals what a demon he truly is, mark just can’t help admiring his round eyes and warm smile.

this donghyuck is beautiful too, but just in all the wrong ways. okay, maybe not wrong , but different. it’s not his donghyuck. he’s taller and sharper around the edges. not an upgraded version because his donghyuck (god, he needs to stop calling him that) is adorable and perfect just the way he is.

it doesn’t stop him from being shocked speechless, though.

he suddenly remembers that in this universe he and donghyuck are apparently d–d– guh, he can’t get himself to say it! but he needs to play it cool because everyone else seems to be acting normal and on the off chance this isn’t an incredibly vivid nightmare, he can’t risk them thinking he’s a lunatic.

should he kiss him? is that what they do every morning? they talk about kissing in their texts, along with all the other things mark will never be able to erase from his head for the rest of eternity. he steals a glance at yuta, who is smirking at them expectantly. no, maybe they don’t do that in front of people. actually, he really hopes that they don’t because it’s just so embarrassing.

mark looks down at donghyuck’s hand, the one he saw on his phone, and slips his hand into it as casually as he could. 

he braces for his reaction, terrified that he’d get yelled at and teased for his sudden and unconventional show of affection, but donghyuck continues eating as if nothing happened. 

yuta and donghyuck bicker about his shirt and he can barely pay attention when all he could think about is how warm and snug donghyuck’s hand is against his. not so pleasant that he’d make it his fucking lockscreen but he doesn’t hate it. not as much as he thinks he should.

“ugh, i don’t even wanna picture you guys– much less say it,” yuta makes a barfing motion with his mouth. “i can barely accept that you’re both twenty already, the older you two are the closer i am to death.”

twenty. twenty. twenty.  

and that’s when it all clicks.

oh no.

Chapter Text

they’re standing in front of mark’s room just past eleven.

it’s kind of a shame, donghyuck thinks, that mark is still the exact same way he left him back in 2015. 

he would rather die than admit this to anyone, but out of all the people he’s trained with over the years, mark’s star always shined the brightest. although he enjoys teasing him for staying back to practice hours after everyone had left, the fruits of his relentless work were already beginning to ripen.

mark was always one step ahead. he was shaping up to be something really special, and donghyuck could see this picture of him sometimes, flashes in the reflection of the practice room mirror. 

well, at least he looks the part.

“g–good night?” donghyuck says, but it spills out like a question. this brand of softness feels rough and uncomfortable in his mouth.

“good night,” mark smiles, although it doesn’t reach his eyes. he looks like he’s in mild pain, if anything. he deliberates over his next words. “i love you.”

he doesn’t mean it. he can’t mean it. and yet here he is shoving these awful words in donghyuck’s face. 

“urm, you too.”

donghyuck wraps his hand around mark’s wrist. it’s piping hot, and mark flinches in surprise and then leans back in. he could swear he could hear the gentle rhythm of his quickening heart beat. that must be all for tonight.

but to his horror, mark closes his eyes and inches closer, and closer–

“i can’t do it!” donghyuck blurts out, pushing him away.

mark lets out a long breath, like he’s been holding it in the whole time. “are you feeling sick?”

it feels weird to be here, out of sync with his own body and with no control over the universe around him. but most of all it feels so lonely. right now all he wants is his best friend.

“i need to tell you something important,” he whispers, and then scans the dark empty dorm before dragging mark into the room and closing the door.

mark doesn’t say anything (he’s never been this quiet) and stares at him with pure terror in his eyes. “are you breaking up with me?”

“huh? no– i mean, yes. but no! i guess i am–” donghyuck rubs his temple. how does he say this without sounding completely insane? “just listen to me!” 

“i’m listening!”

“okay, well….this might sound insane but i swear i’m not playing a prank this time. i know i say this right before i prank you but i’m being totally serious,” he clears his throat and looks down. “i’m not….me. i’m actually fifteen and up until this morning i was living in 2015. you might find this impossible to believe b–”

“me too.”

“–ut it’s true and i don’t know how i ended u– wait, come again?”

“i’m from the past too! holy shit it’s been you this whole time. fuck.”

“oh my god, and how old are you?”

“we came from the same time, idiot. we were supposed to go to practice and then we had plans for the afternoon. jeno really wanted to see–”

“age of ultron!”

they both stare at each other for a long awkward second, most certainly thinking about the exact same thing.

it’s donghyuck who says it first. “you tried to kiss me!”

“i thought you were waiting for me to kiss you!”

“that’s a pathetic excuse, mark lee.” donghyuck folds his arms. “you were trying to take advantage of the situation.”

mark’s face burns bright red. “i–i’m really not. you don’t know the horrors i’ve been exposed to for me to get pushed to this point. how did you even find out?”

“that we traveled in time?”

“that you and i….seriously, do you have to make me say it?”

he rolls his eyes. his best friend is such a freaking dork. “that we’re dating? that i’m your boyfriend?”

mark’s pupils are shaking. “hearing you say it out loud makes me feel like i’m living out my worst nightmare.”

“that’s a funny way of saying wet dreams .” donghyuck scoffs. “i found out when you grabbed my fucking hand and yuta hyung started saying all these things.”

“oh,” mark responds softly, his expression shifting as he realizes that he embarrassed himself in front of all their hyungs and scared donghyuck for no reason at all.

they both drop their guards and donghyuck feels like he can finally breathe again, knowing awkward fifteen-year-old mark is still behind that chiseled face. fuck, why was he so nervous in the first place?

also, it’s a massive relief that he might have transformed into someone cool and dateable (by his own extremely high standards) before donghyuck started to date him. there is still hope.

he looks around the tiny room. it’s messy and bare at the same time and he can spot the guitar propped in the corner. that’s him alright. “how did you find out? do you have a dedicated shrine for me somewhere in here?”

mark clears his throat and looks away. “not exactly.”

donghyuck takes a step closer and studies his face. it really is so beautiful, especially in that shade of pink. “then how?”

“i read some messages between us on my phone and, uhm, you don’t even want to know–”

“wait, you have access to your fucking phone? mine won’t unlock and i don’t understand anything that’s happening! i’ve been operating on context clues all day, i still don’t fucking know what yangyang is!”

he stares at mark’s stupid round eyes and something in his brain finally clicks. he takes his phone out of his pocket and shakily types in one final attempt.

zero. eight. zero. two.

it finally unlocks. he considers smashing it into the ground.

“what? what’s wrong?” mark asks as donghyuck’s legs give out from the weight of realizing what a massive sappy loser he grew up to be.

“whatever you saw could not have been worse than what i just went through.”

mark scoffs. “i highly doubt that. pick yourself up and try googling nct.”

“was that the first thing you did?” mark nods. “are we popular now?”

“see for yourself.”

they huddle together on the floor to look at the pictures google turns up. there are so many of them in the group photos and in so many different combinations, just like the vision teacher lee sooman had for them. donghyuck can’t decide if he likes it or not, he’s always been on the fence about the concept, but seeing it all come to reality, seeing himself and his childhood friends finally debut together like they’ve always dreamed of. 

it’s a little overwhelming.

he hates getting choked up because of his own feelings (having feelings is so fucking stupid), so he changes the subject. “did you look us up?”

mark blinks at him. “i didn’t think about it.” 

“aren’t you curious? it doesn’t make any sense!” donghyuck exclaims. he would have looked that up before searching for nct. 

“i don’t think it’s as nonsensical as you’re making it out to be.”

donghyuck’s heart does a stupid little thing. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

mark looks away and scratches the back of his head. “i dunno, you’re acting way too disgusted by the idea of dating me, but you’re not really as far out of my league as you think you are,” he trails off awkwardly, before pointing at a thumbnail under donghyuck’s youtube search.  “see here? you’re always the one pestering me for attention, so much so that there’s a twenty minute youtube compilation.”

“i just think it’s stupid that people actually spend time obsessing over all our little interactions,” donghyuck quickly tries to shift the attention away from his pathetic behavior. “i bet most of them are taken out of context anyway.”

he clicks the video and his eighteen-year-old self proudly proclaims to the camera: “i’m far too interested in mark hyung.”

donghyuck turns it off, and mark unsuccessfully tries to wrestle the phone out of his hands. “i fucking told you!”

two hours and thirty horrifying compilations later (most of which included a clip where mark shyly kisses donghyuck’s cheek, a fact he vowed to smugly hold over his head for the rest of eternity), donghyuck slowly turns to mark “i know one thing for sure.”

mark nervously nibbles on his bottom lip. “what is it?”

“we need to get the hell out of here.”

and so they try.

donghyuck thinks that this would have been a whole lot more simple if they didn’t wake up here without a clue of how it happened, maybe if they hit their heads against a hard surface or had a freak accident. something they could replicate in hope of reversing the effects. 

that doesn’t stop them though. 

“i just don’t think you hit it hard enough,” donghyuck whines. “come on mark lee, your giant head can survive the impact.”

mark’s eyes are teary and he’s massaging his scalp. rather dramatically, donghyuck thinks. “why do i have to do it? it was your stupid idea!”

“you didn’t immediately say no,” donghyuck points out, as he always does when mark obeys his demands and then dares to complain about it. “take responsibility. plus, does it make sense for both of us to slam our heads against the wall? no, we need to make sure it works first.”

mark closes his eyes and throws his head up to the sky, muttering something silently. it’s the technique taeyong taught him whenever he got too angry and had to take control of his feelings again. strangely enough, he only ever does it in reaction to donghyuck’s antics.

he slams his head again with a loud pang that makes donghyuck wince. even more painfully, nothing happens.

“i injured myself for you, can we go with my idea now?” mark pleads. 

“your idea, your idea,” donghyuck squints at the list they have written down. “search for a portal around the dorm? how would that even work? we didn’t hop out of a portal, we literally woke up in our beds.”

“we didn’t slam our heads against anything either and you still made me do it.” mark glares at him. “come on, let’s take a look around.”

donghyuck rolls his eyes. he has to admit that he doesn’t have anything more intelligent to offer, the head banging was his best chance. “ugh, fine.”

they’re about to walk outside of mark’s room and when he suddenly stops him. “oh, almost forgot.” 

he slips his hand into donghyuck’s. squeezes tight again. he doesn’t have to do that, it’s not like anyone is going to feel the pressure of his warm long fingers. that’s all for him.

whatever, donghyuck doesn’t really hate it.

the dorm is quiet for the second day in a row, something that, judging by the members’ reactions, isn’t usual at all. it doesn’t surprise donghyuck either, especially after he’d taken a look at the schedule their manager texted him. 

“taeyong hyung!” mark peeks in cheerfully. taeyong’s room is a manifestation of his personality, he’s finally carved a comfortable space for himself after spending years in tiny shared rooms with the other members, and his quirks are exploding all over the walls in colors and doodles and strings of polaroids. 

if there is some kind of magical portal in their dorm, this is the most likely place it would be.

“hmn?” taeyong looks up from his laptop and takes off his headphones, big eyes wide in surprise. “oh, it’s you guys! hi!”

he wasn’t in the dorm until late last night, so it’s their first real encounter with taeyong at twenty four. the innocence in his face hadn’t melted off like donghyuck imagined it would. he’s still the same, shy and sweet and a little puppy-like.

“hyung, can we take a look around your room?”

if it were doyoung or even johnny, this would be the part where they get scolded and kicked out for being nosy little shits, but the corners of taeyong’s lips twitch in excitement.

“sure, what do you guys wanna see? i got some plants that are still nameless, maybe you could get a read on their personalities and come up with something that fits.”

mark and donghyuck nod to each other before spreading out to look around the room for anything out of the ordinary. problem is, all of taeyong’s possessions were out of the ordinary.

“did you notice anything weird happening here yesterday morning? or the night before that even,” mark begins the questioning.

taeyong puts his chin in his hands. “well, the two cats outside my window that are always fighting were doing something else that didn’t sound like fighting last night. i’m actually happy for the–”

“nothing of that sort,” donghyuck interrupts. “like, something inside your room?”

“lee donghyuck,” taeyong puts on his grown up voice. “are you trying to insult me in some roundabout way?”

and that’s their cue to leave.

“that’s all! thank you so much hyung!”

“get back here! you didn’t even name my plants!” taeyong weakly calls after them, and then sighs to himself before slipping his headphones back on.

“this is our last attempt, i promise,” donghyuck lies. or he thinks he’s lying, how could they just stop trying? and if they do….well, then what?

“i have a stomach ache, donghyuck. i don’t feel so good about this.” mark grimaces. his face is an unpleasant shade of blue.

the chances of them fucking this up royally and summoning a creature akin to the one in the first episode of fullmetal alchemist were high, but donghyuck found a box under his own bed labelled inspo and other stuff . it had some dusty books, unopened sticker packs, rolls of masking tape, and an english magazine with a lot of skulls on it. the spells and DIY witchcraft tutorials inside it did not strike him as very legit, but hey, his older self must have bought this for a good reason. 

(not that adult donghyuck had displayed any signs of having sound judgement thus far.)

“it says that to manipulate time, we have to sit in a circle, hold hands and chant the following for exactly six and a half minutes for it to take effect.”

“you’re really about to perform what is most likely a satanic ritual just because twenty year old donghyuck dabbles in the occult?” mark protests. “think of the consequences!”

“listen hyung, do you want to go back or stay in here forever?” mark is silent. “exactly, now grab my fucking hand.”

his best friend, face turning paler than ever, gingerly takes hold of both his hands and closes his eyes. “ready?” donghyuck asks, and he nods. “repeat after me.

“alohomora, riddikulus, obliviate, lumos, sectumsempra, expelliarmus–”

“wait– wait– wait stop!” mark frees his hands from donghyuck’s iron grip. 

donghyuck sighs deeply. “what, are you chickening out again?” 

“no! these are spills from harry potter! and adult you is a freaking dumbass.”

there is no way– donghyuck looks at the magazine carefully again, it’s all in english but he thought he had gotten the basic gist out of it. it’s only then that he notices a lot of the pages were cut up, particularly the ones with models posing in what can only be described as goth streetwear. oh.

they’re quiet for a long time after that, and the air feels heavy as it dawns on them. there will be no other attempts. they’re stuck.

“but it’s kind of cool in a way, you know?” mark breaks the silence, eyes wide and filled with wonder. a sickening look that always gives donghyuck this uncomfortable clench in his chest. “if you ignore the horrifying implication of us skipping years of our lives with no chance of going back, i mean. it’s fucking cool that it’s real and it happened to us. kind of like destiny or some shi–”

“alright enough!” donghyuck cuts him off, pretending that the pretty way mark phrases it (as he does with everything) doesn’t stir him with a tiny bit of excitement. “why would you say it like that. skipping. it makes me want to throw up.”

“it’s hard for me to contextualize it in any other way,” mark shrugs. “and the universe chose you and me, not jeno or jaemin or jisung or anybody else. it just doesn’t feel random, when you think about it.”

donghyuck’s not sure where he’s going with that train of thoughts but he knows he’s not comfortable hopping on board with it. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know,” mark stumbles on his words, struggling to make them coherent. “just that it might all be happening for a reason, and a reason we have to find for ourselves.”

“destiny,” donghyuck repeats.

“something like that.”

being lee donghyuck is easy. being nct’s haechan is a little challenging. being mark lee’s boyfriend is impossible.

his first official schedule is a photoshoot for their upcoming summer themed photo book. and maybe he’s just paranoid but it feels like all eyes are on him at every second, especially when he and mark so much as look at each other.

he’s terrified of talking to their hyungs for too long in fear of saying something that will give him away, and although none of them seem suspicious of him he still can’t let his guard down around them, like he’s feeling a sense of guilt for lying despite the situation being completely out of his control.

as a result, he and mark naturally end up glued to each other all the time.

it just feels unfair that the universe didn’t provide a little instruction manual when it decided to drop him here, because he can listen to his own group’s songs and watch their interviews online but there is no wikipedia page explaining his own relationship. he and mark tried to scroll back to the beginning of their texts but could only go up to two months ago because the phones were brand new. and as they spent all their time together, very little was explained or expanded on during their exchanges. everything they said to each other was either disgustingly tender or criminally horny. donghyuck sneaked one look and it was more than enough.

is this right? he wonders to himself as he leans into mark’s shoulder as they wait for their turn to take pictures and feels his entire body freeze. they’re not strangers to skinship, but the new context turns them both stiff and painfully awkward.

“stop acting like i’ve never touched you before every time i try to do something,” donghyuck hisses under his breath. the other members are too busy mocking doyoung’s poses to listen in on their conversation. “be cool.”

“oh, i’m so sorry for taking too long to get adjusted to being in a relationship with you,” mark whispers back, voice low. “it is, as you previously pointed out, just so inconceivable and impossible to comprehend.”

“what? are you actually mad about that?”

mark responds by roughly pushing donghyuck’s head deeper into his shoulder. from the distance, he can see doyoung squint at them for a split second. “whatever, donghyuck.”

“next up, mark! haechan!” their manager calls. 

they exchange a tense look before getting behind the camera. there is a single stool against a bright background. “so which one of us goes first?” mark asks.

“oh, this is a couple shoot,” the photographer explains, and then smiles wryly at their horrified expressions. “not literally, just sit down with your backs against each other.”

donghyuck blinks at the bright lights. everyone’s watching them closely, with some not bothering to hide the amused looks on their faces. donghyuck scrambles to take notes in his head. if all their staff knows then they must be openly affectionate even during schedules. 

“actually, i have an idea,” he improvises, and then sits facing the same direction as mark, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his back. “how’s this?”

scandalized murmurs spread around the room, and the photographer lifts his camera up with a big smile. “i love it!”

he can’t see mark’s reaction, but when he shifts his hands up, donghyuck can feel the drumming of his heart against his chest. ah, he must be nervous acting in front of this many people. 

later, the manager hands them a camera and asks them to film a little vlog to post on their youtube channel. 

“hi! this is haechan cam with uh, thirty….how much was it again?” he whispers to mark, who quickly types the number thirty seven on his phone and shows it to him. “hi! this is haechan cam with a viewership rating of thirty seven point five percent! thank you for tuning in, today i have a very special guest.” 

donghyuck pans the camera towards mark, who waves with a little frown. “i have an important question for our seasonies.”

“what is it hyung? and if it’s boring i’m turning this camera right off.” 

mark throws him a side look. “who among the two of us makes a better boyfriend?” oh god, no. “i mean, suppose the two of us dated, which one of us lucked out?”

“hyung, what the fuck are you doing?” donghyuck asks behind a forced closed mouth smile.

“i can’t believe you think that i–”

“are you guys having a little fight?” jungwoo sneaks between them with his arms around their shoulders. they both jump, almost dropping the camera and shattering it to the ground. “what’s up?”

donghyuck feels like his brain is going to overheat and melt. “mark hyung and i….are going to show our seasonies the waiting rooms!”

“cool,” jungwoo nods. he starts making faces at the camera. “can i come?”

“no!” they both snap and practically race each other out of the set.

with the waiting room door closed and locked from the inside, they both exhale deeply, almost by reflex at this point.

“what are you doing?” mark finally asks.

“holding an emergency meeting,” donghyuck leans back into the black leather couch. why must he be the sole caretaker of their collective brain cells? “this isn’t working out.”

mark’s jaw drops. “are you breaking up with me again ?”

“no, you idiot!” he wishes he was. “you need to get better at faking.”

“you mean we ,” mark corrects.

“i make an excellent boyfriend.” donghyuck sniffs. “so no, i mean you, mark lee.”

“stop doing that first,” mark folds his arms. “call me hyung.”

“no way, we’re adults now and it’s been years since we debuted. you can’t go back on your promise.”

“t–this doesn’t count! we’re not really grown ups yet, it doesn’t work that way!”

“it does too!”

they glare at each other without either of them blinking in a poor attempt to battle for dominance. eventually, tears pool in mark’s eyes and his eyelids begin to flutter rapidly. “ugh! whatever, i’m not going to get better at faking until you call me hyung.”

great, here comes the signature leo stubbornness. “oh, come on!”

“and what do we gain from keeping up this charade going anyway? we can tell everyone we broke up with no hard feelings, and we just go back to being friends again.”

it’s a good point, but not one donghyuck wants to entertain. one, because he fucking hates it when mark is right about things and two, because….he just doesn’t want to. “will you please use your brain for once, hyung ? i can’t believe i have to explain this to you, hyung.”

mark raises his eyebrows. “so why aren’t you, since it’s so obvious?”

think. think of something now . “because, uhm, we can’t be going around disrupting the natural order of this universe! if and when we go back to our original time, our older selves will have to deal with the damage we’ve made, and i don’t know about you, but i’m not about to make a mess for myself to clean up five years from now.”

his best friend considers this for a long minute. “makes sense, i guess. if this is even our timeline and not a wacky alternate universe.”

frankly, donghyuck doesn’t really care. “okay, hyung . come here.” he pats the empty space next to him on the couch.

mark hesitates but does as he says anyway. they face each other, and it suddenly feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room. “what’s your brilliant plan to help me get better, since you’re so good at this whole boyfriend thing.”

thankfully, he’s already thought this through. “remember what you tried to do that first night?”

mark looks confused, and then disgust washes over him as he remembers. “you can’t be serious.”

donghyuck huffs. “how else are you going to stop being so stiff? you need to get used to me touching you or we’re going to get caught and disru–”

“disrupt the natural order of the universe. yeah, yeah, i get it already,” mark sighs. he gulps loudly, and donghyuck involuntarily follows the movement of his adam’s apple. his mouth is dry for some reason. “just– i don’t know, i guess we can try it once.”

his heart skips three beats. he’d been so pushy about it that now he has the authority to do it, he doesn’t know what to do. “okay, are you ready?”

the truth is, at age fifteen, he’s never kissed someone before yet. it’s not like there isn’t anyone there for him to kiss, but whenever he thinks he wants to start dating a person, something holds him back, and he’s still struggling to figure out what .

this can’t count as his first, right? he’s not in his own body and he’s not doing it because he actually wants to.

and….it’s just mark.

donghyuck shuts off his brain to stop it from overthinking. he cups mark’s face, as he’s seen people do in movies, and goes for it. 

mark hums so softly, like a kitten’s purr, when their lips are smushed together. it doesn’t feel like anything at first, but then mark starts to nibble on his bottom lip lightly. just a few soft tugs that light his entire body on fire. 

he melts, sighing and pulling him closer by the waist, and mark is more than happy to comply. his fingers tug around the sleeves of donghyuck’s shirt. he’s so cute, delicate and gentle with barely contained enthusiasm. 

donghyuck doesn’t want to stop, but he forces himself to. his head is spinning by the time he manages to pull back. 

he wants to ask did it work? but his mouth moves faster than his brain. “did you like it?”

mark blinks like he’s recovering from a daze. he licks his lips. “yeah, did you?”

he would be obviously lying if he said anything but: “yes.”

the only thing more awkward than breaking off a terrible kiss is cutting one that you’ve unexpectedly (that you weren’t supposed to) enjoyed off short. donghyuck’s face is warm and his lips are tingling and the only thought in his head is more .

“that’s….” mark clears his throat. “very interesting.”

a light bulb goes off over donghyuck’s head. he smacks his forehead and yells. “oh, i get it now! it was our new bodies reacting to the kiss.”

mark, reaching his tipping point at dealing with donghyuck, stares at him like he’s insane. “what?”

“okay, just think about it for a second. you can do that can’t you?” donghyuck stalls as he tries to string together a coherent theory. “you’ve felt it sometimes, right? like your body is not a perfect fit? kinda like wearing a pair of shoes that’s half a size off.”

“i suppose. bu–”

“so this,” he gestures between the two of them with his finger. “is just a natural result. our bodies have probably done this a hundred, a million times, and now crave it. it’s a built in instinct and we just couldn’t help it.”

man, he’s almost buying into his own bullshit. but honestly, what other explanation could there possibly be? 

donghyuck prays his flimsy foundation of nonsense doesn’t fall apart under mark’s suspicious glare, and he survives just barely when mark, in the most unconvinced voice he could muster shrugs and says, “i guess that’s a possibility.”

“you are a man of science, hyung.” donghyuck lets go of mark’s waist and pats his shoulder awkwardly. speaking of which, did his shoulders double in length? and what the hell are they so firm for?

“does this conclude your training, doctor haechan?” he asks. although his voice is casual, donghyuck can’t help but notice that his neck and ears are still flushed. 

“uhm, well– i just thought that maybe– you might–”

“wanna do it again?”

donghyuck’s head bobbles up and down quickly, and mark takes the lead by grabbing his hand and leaning back in slowly. their lips are a breath away and his chest bubbles with excitement when–

“what are you guys doing in there?” doyoung bangs on the door. “we’re getting ready for the group shoot.”

donghyuck’s mouth betrays him again and spills out the truth. “w–we’re just practicing.”

the banging stops. “ew, is that what you kids call it nowadays?”

mark tries to intervene. “not like that, hyung!”

although they’re separated by a locked door, donghyuck can see that perfect mixture of disappointment and disgust on doyoung’s face crystal clear. “just hurry up and make sure your hair and makeup is presentable, for the love of god.” 

Chapter Text

their hyungs find out about them in the most nct way possible.

it’s the summer of 2019, and they’re at a celebratory dinner after wrapping up their first american tour. the private room they’ve booked at this restaurant is a little cramped but the tensions are high and the air is charged with an infectious happy energy. 

okay, that might all be the side effect of donghyuck being a little tipsy. he and mark drank together at the hotel (among other things) before joining the rest of them downstairs.

he watches his bandmates coo over his boyfriend and fill his plate with food and sighs happily to himself. he thinks he’ll never be as happy as he feels at this exact moment. 

“babe, you have something on the corner of your lips,” he drawls out, patting the same spot on his own face.

it takes him a beat to realize what he just said, and only because mark’s warm smile fades and is replaced by pure panic.

the scariest part, though, is that nobody reacts. the members around him continue their lively conversation as if nothing had happened. 

he clears his throat once, and jungwoo catches on and gasps. “what did you just call mark?”

“woah, no way. did he really just say that?” doyoung continues, in the most dull tone of surprise he could muster.

“i think i’m going to faint,” taeyong says half heartedly as he shoves more food into his mouth.

donghyuck glares at them. “how many of you knew?” they all look away. oh, fuck. “how did you all find out?”

mark raises his hand. “that might have been my fault. i–i– told yuta hyung and–”

“how could you do that! you know these idiots can’t keep anything to themselves! full offense to you guys, by the way.”

doyoung starts to reach over from across the table but taeyong holds him down. donghyuck wishes they could at least pretend to have some remorse but they could barely contain their smiles as the situation unfolds.

“to be fair, i kept it to myself for an entire month,” yuta protests. “but then i might have, uhm, accidentally mentioned it to taeyong.”

taeyong nods. “i told doyoung because i was worried about you guys. like, i needed to let the nearest adult know.”

“johnny hyung and i had a parents' conference of sorts over it,” doyoung explains. “and decided it was okay. you two are kinda cute together.”

donghyuck rolls his eyes. the parent roleplay has been going on since they were all teenagers. “and you told jaehyun hyung because you guys are fucking?”

doyoung gets up again, and taeyong pushes him back by the hem of his shirt.

“he told me because i’ve been rooting for you guys since you first joined the company,” jaehyun sniffs. “this is the best day of my life.”

“i was told by multiple people, which was pointless because i already knew,” jungwoo says. “you guys are so obvious about it i was starting to feel a little embarrassed for you.”

all eyes to turn to taeil, who’s digging at his plate.

“then what about taeil hyung?”

“what about me?” taeil asks, slightly irritated for being dragged into the conversation. “oh, this is the first i’m hearing about this. but i guess it makes sense.”

they all laugh, and the bright look on their faces make donghyuck relax too. despite him and mark working hard to conceal their relationship, so much so that it made it hard for them to enjoy their time together, he finds that he doesn’t mind one bit.

they’re family after all.

he blindly reaches for mark’s hand under the table, and their fingertips brush before intertwining.

ıllıllııllıllııllıllı

“wait, do that move again.”

donghyuck rewinds the song until he reaches that part, the one where mark has to spread out his legs.

mark throws him a suspicious look but does it anyway, facing the mirror of the deserted practice room. his moves are sharp and precise. he’s always been good at picking up the choreography quickly, but he dances to cherry bomb like he’s been doing it all his life.

the two of them sneaked in early in the morning to practice before their official group practice begins. they’ve watched all their music videos and performances countless times, late into the night in the safety of mark’s room. as impressed as he is, donghyuck feels like his older selves have run so far that it would be impossible for them to catch up.

that is, until they make a startling discovery. 

“i’m telling you, i can do the entire song. no mistakes,” mark repeats. his body moves like a well oiled machine, although his face struggles to match the spirit of the song. “try another song, put regular on.”

“aight,” donghyuck stands next to him, and their reflections hit him like a pile of bricks. he should be used to it by now, but he still feels like there are two (very attractive) strangers staring back at him with equal confusion. donghyuck turns to mark, and their eyes only meet for a split second before his head dips to the floor. was he staring at him just now? weirdo.

they didn’t try kissing again after that first time, and donghyuck is mortified by how eager he was to do it again. his older body’s instincts must be that powerful. he’s always staring at mark’s lips, the pretty corners of his mouth and the way he pouts whenever he’s focused. 

as soon as the song starts, he dances without missing a beat, his feet magically flying off the squeaky wooden floor and performing moves he didn’t know he was capable of. his brain is doing none of the work. it’s all–

“oh, it’s muscle memory,” mark exclaims breathlessly. “we did practice these songs, countless times, we just don’t remember it.”

donghyuck’s heart skips a beat. his theory about their bodies reacting on their own wasn’t total bullshit, but for some reason being right doesn't feel so good right now. “makes sense.”

mark stops dancing and bends down, hands clutching his knees and sweat dripping from his forehead. “i couldn't sleep because i was so scared i was going to screw up on stage with everyone watching.”

“you dork,” donghyuck says, handing him a bottle of water. “you learn the choreography faster and better than anyone. of course you were going to be fine.”

he wraps his arms around mark’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder. he’s sweaty and sticky, but that never stopped donghyuck before.

“what is that?” mark wonders, a little exasperated, mostly fond. a week ago, he would have pushes him away and called him gross.

“dunno, practice.” donghyuck says nonchalantly. he wants to squeeze the sadness of his best friend.

there’s a faint conversation in the distance, and then the door swings open. “oh, there’s someone here already.”

donghyuck freezes up when he recognizes the two strangers. the taller one has bleached blond hair and mischievous cat-like features, and his arm is slung around the shorter one’s narrow shoulders. they’re the two dream members he’s never met before, chenle and renjun.

“hyung, i haven’t seen you in so long!” chenle runs up to mark and attacks him with a hug that almost knocks him out of balance. mark looks absolutely freaked out, and donghyuck glares at him until he manages his reaction.

“donghyuck!” renjun calls out to him, and then puts a finger to his lips with a little hum. donghyuck stares back at him like he’s insane. 

renjun frowns and switches to a fist bump, which donghyuck returns gladly.

he’s been dreading this more than performing or keeping up appearances in front of their hyungs. these are two people he’s never met before but is supposedly best friends with. so many memories and inside jokes and a bond he just doesn’t possess, and truth be told he hasn’t watched enough videos of them interacting to get a good grasp on their dynamic.

“it seems like we interrupted something,” renjun says to chenle, who’s still hanging off mark like a koala. “i’ve never seen donghyuck look so angry to see me.”

“i’m not angry renjun, i just woke up,” he tries to explain. 

renjun snorts. “why are you being so formal? you’d usually try to choke me by now.”

“it means he’s really mad,” chenle says. “it’s like the time when jaemin used to call mark hyung oppa as a joke.”

why is every anecdote about his older self so humiliating? next to him, mark is trying his best to stifle his giggles.

“always choosing your boyfriend over us,” renjun sniffs, pretending to wipe his nonexistent tears. “being in a relationship changed you, lee haechan.”

chenle nods solemnly. “mark hyung is the yoko ono to our beatles.”

“you guys are so fucking annoying!” donghyuck finally explodes, and the delight in renjnu’s face tells him this is a more in character reaction. “can’t you read the room?”

“the practice room is a communal space, you animals!” chenle yells as renjun drags him out by his wrist. “wait until kun ge hears about this shit–”

“your friends are a handful,” mark whispers to him, and they both laugh.

“they’re your friends too! i can’t believe you let me carry that entire conversation.” this is as close as he’s gotten to being exposed. his hyungs either haven’t noticed his odd behavior or are too polite to point it out. either way, renjun and chenle have no trouble saying exactly what’s on their minds and it scares the living shit out of him. 

“first of all, i thought we agreed that i act better with my mouth shut,” he holds his hand up before donghyuck could protest. “second, why did you chase them out of the room?”

mark is constantly putting him on the spot and backing him up into corners he can’t escape from. does he have to be so blunt? can’t donghyuck do stupid things unquestioned? especially when he himself can’t explain his own behavior. “because i sensed how terrified you are, you stunk of fear.”

“and what about our practice?” mark asks, shoving him farther into the metaphorical corner. “i thought what renjun said about me and jaemin was very interesting.”

“oh my god, did you like that? gross.” he tries to turn it back on him, despite this new unexplainable urge to find jaemin and murder him. 

“ew, no, that’s not it,” mark turns red. donghyuck considers calling him that just to get a reaction, he’s so easy. “since older you got jealous easily, maybe we could um, i don’t know incorporate that.” 

practice does make perfect. or as perfect as they can pretend to be.

donghyuck slaps yuta’s hand away and pulls mark closer by his waist when he tries to give him a friendly pat on the head later that day. “mine.”

he internally winces, but if mark thinks it makes them seem more authentic then so be it. he’s having enough hard time trying to call him babe or baby as his older self does in every other text.

yuta flaps his hand like he’s just been bitten. “jeez, i got it. you haven’t been this bad since you kids first started dating.”

he tightens the imaginary noose he’s tied around older donghyuck’s neck. “you need a regular reminder.”

“uh, it’s not like you two are discreet enough to let us forget.”

“young love,” johnny sighs. “if only someone would give me this much attention.”

he stares pointedly at taeil, who slowly grins at him, totally unaware of the subtext. “what’s wrong? is there something in your eye?”

there are things that remained constant in their little group while others varied wildly, doyoung and jaehyun have apparently broken up and recently gotten back together, yuta and taeyong are exactly the same, and at some point in the past five years, johnny became madly infatuated with taeil, who seems to be the only person in the universe who hasn’t realized it yet. even their fans know about it.

donghyuck only lets go of mark when he notices taeyong watching them with a strange, knowing smile. it makes him a little uneasy, like taeyong’s big eyes can pierce right through his soul.

nah, he’s probably just projecting his paranoia. 

although he’s dreamed of it countless times, donghyuck finds that he’s still not ready for the real thing.

he’s standing dead center in the vast and empty gocheok dome. a week from now, the twenty thousand empty seats will light up in bright green. 

all for them.

after everyone finishes the first round of rehearsals and leaves for lunch, mark and donghyuck stay behind, lying next to each other on the stage and admiring the faint rays of sunlight seeping through the dome. if donghyuck closes his eyes and listens hard enough, he could hear the crowd’s deafening cheers.

“it looks different when you’re the one standing here,” mark states the obvious, but donghyuck agrees. it’s so much bigger from the center.

he smirks to himself. “remember how nervous you were the first time we had to perform in front of all the trainees? it’s this times a million.”

they’ve spent the day marvelling over everything in the venue. the big waiting rooms they get all to themselves, the buffet prepared by their staff, the elaborate set pieces, their music and voices booming through the massive stadium.

“please, you almost threw up when you found out we were going to dance at smtown.”

everyone was confused by their strange overreactions, but donghyuck could barely contain his excitement, and mark is the only person there to share it with him. although he can’t know for sure, he thinks that he and mark must have reacted the exact same way at their real first concert. 

from singing alone together in the corner of dingy practice room, trying to stay quiet so they don’t bother the other trainees, to standing on the same stage together to play for thousands of their adoring fans.

it’s just like what he’d pictured, from the very first day they met.

“we really made it, hyung,” donghyuck says. 

“you and me, donghyuck.” mark reaches for his hand across the cold shiny floor, and donghyuck thinks of all the stuff he said about destiny. “always you and me.”

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the winter of 2018 is hard for them both. 

they find themselves running across continents, spread thin and often apart. it’s only then that donghyuck realizes how much space mark lee takes up inside his brain.

you have a little crush , jaemin constantly teases in this annoying high pitched voice, and donghyuck misses the peaceful days of when he was in break.

i do not , he answers firmly, pushing him away as he tries to text mark. he’s still in ukraine. it must be so cold there. mark gets cold easily. 

he doesn’t have feelings for mark. he’s just his best friend and maybe favorite person in the world. it’s only natural that he’d be so attached, right? and if the math is correct, this is the longest they’ve been apart since they were fourteen. 

it’s no wonder then, that the air is tense and filled with unspoken emotions in the empty van they’re sharing on their way from the airport after a 127 schedule to dream dance practice. they haven’t been alone together in a long time.

donghyuck drops his head on mark’s lap, and mark jolts up in surprise, but quickly relaxes and strokes his hair. 

“i missed you a lot, hyung,” he mumbles. 

“i’ve missed you too.” donghyuck loves how easily it rolls off mark’s tongue. not a millisecond of hesitation. “what’s with the sudden mushiness, though?”

he knows it’s not a serious question. mark is trying to deflate the situation by making a joke that doesn’t quite land, mostly because it’s so earnest.

“i’m sick of being mean, i guess,” he replies. “it gets tiring, sometimes i just want to say exactly how i feel.”

mark doesn’t say anything for a long time, and the nerves in his stomach begin to cluster. he didn’t say anything wrong, did he? or did mark miss the point of what he’s trying to say?

“you’ve changed a lot, donghyuck,” he muses. “all grown up now.”

it’s true, and he thinks that his two years in nct have accelerated the process. he had to grow up, or else he’d never be able to cope. and no one understands that better than mark himself

“it’s not going to get easier any time soon, and if you think about it, the two of us really only have each other.”

“it’s always you and me,” mark whispers, only for him to hear.

the final walls between come crumbling down, leaving donghyuck to deal with some feelings he’s been pushing down for years.

he chooses to face them head on.

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“so how do we– how do you do that again?”

their manager slaps his hand away from the screen. “stop fiddling with it. i just pressed the button, you’ll be on in about a minute.”

what do you say when kim jungwoo says he wants to do a live stream but feels nervous doing it alone and demands for you to be present? mark and donghyuck barely get a second to process that question before they’re pushed in front of a phone camera. 

“is it really alright for us to come on without any makeup?” mark asks, squishing his cheeks in his hands. donghyuck wants to yell at him that he looks even better without it. ugh, seriously, has he taken a proper look at himself since he got here?

jungwoo looks him up and down. “they’ve seen you way worse.”

judging by the panic in mark’s eyes, his assurance does nothing to help. 

“don’t be stupid, hyung. you look really good, you always do right after practice,” he says, the last part slipping out involuntarily. god, it’s a constant war between him and his older self. 

mark looks offended. “you don’t have to make fun of me.”

“are you a fucking idiot? i’m just trying to help.”

“gu–”

“i never fucking know when you’re actually trying to be nice! you say everything in this snooty little voice like, dunno, practice , and it’s a built in instinct . like what does any of that mean?”

“guys–”

“if you used your giant head to do anything other than overthink and overanalyze every little thing i do then maybe–”

“guys! say hi to our seasonies,” jungwoo points at the bright red dot flashing on their manager’s phone.

“how much of it did they hear?” donghyuck asks anxiously afterwards. they extended the live for as long as they could, trying to come up with ways to distract from the disastrous first minute or so. their fans seem to have taken it as them bickering as usual, which renews his concern about his future relationship.

“just the part where you call mark uh, a fucking idiot.”

mark buries his face in his hands. donghyuck hates that it’s still so pretty even when he’s mad at him. “oh, my god.”

“you guys need to stop giving me heart attacks every time you go on vlive, especially after that one time,” their manager sighs. “just ramp it up a bit for the next few days, alright?”

“what does he fucking mean by that?” donghyuck asks after he leaves, and mark shrugs helplessly.

“he’s talking about skinship,” jungwoo says, folding his arms. “seriously, did you both hit your heads against a hard surface recently?”

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it’s the spring of 2019 mark has been on edge since he got home. 

donghyuck figured it would be a little hard for him to adjust, getting used to having him back in the dorm after being away at home for months. and there were a lot of things that were left unsaid, when mark asked him if he could talk to him about something important after practice, and donghyuck got injured and had to leave to the hospital right away.

he texted him frequently while he was gone, but he never mentioned what he wanted to say. donghyuck felt like he shouldn’t ask.

the first night, he knocks on the door and asks donghyuck if they can talk in private, and johnny, idiot extraordinaire, smirks and asks what’s so secret that can’t be said in front of him. mark only frowns and says good night. 

in the morning, mark tries to get on the same van as him but is dragged away by their manager who has to brief him and taeyong on an individual schedule.

hours later, they try to sneak out and have lunch together but yuta randomly decides to treat them all to celebrate donghyuck’s return.

needless to say, mark is pissed.

donghyuck grows frustrated too, not because he wants to know what’s bothering his best friend but because he misses him and wishes they could go back to normal already. it’s bad enough that, with the help of his younger sister’s bullying, he finally admitted to himself that he might be desperately in love with mark.

which is why he barges into his room at three in the morning, after he made sure every distraction in the dorm has gone to sleep.

it’s a lot easier for him to be around mark, knowing why he feels the way he does whenever they’re together, but at the same time every second is painful because he has to hold all his feelings in, as overwhelming as they are, and try to keep them from bursting.

“is something wrong?” donghyuck finally asks when mark doesn’t say anything and stares off into the wall.

mark doesn’t answer the question. “remember the first time we sang together?”

“like, with jisung, jeno, and jaemin?”

“no, no. the first time you and i practiced a song together, just the two of us.”

it’s been a long time now, but that memory is still warm and vivid in donghyuck’s mind. “yeah, you were always watching me sing from a distance, every day for three weeks. that’s how long it took for you to ask if we could practice together.

mark turns red, but he nods. “i was so enamored back then, half because your voice wasn’t like anything i’ve heard before, and half because i hadn’t been exposed to your personality yet.”

“i’ll just pretend i only heard the first part,” donghyuck laughs. 

“and i was a stupid kid back then, but it was probably the best decision i ever made. i don’t think we would have become as close as we are now, and your friendship is so important to me donghyuck.”

“me too,” he replies softly. “where are you going with this?”

his best friend gets up and grabs his guitar from the floor. “remember that one night in 2015, when i called you crying and said i wanted to move home? if you hadn’t picked up the phone and talked me out of it, i would have never realized i had feelings for you.”

donghyuck gulps. “what?”

his fingers find the right strings. “of course i was never going to leave, not with you still here, but hearing your voice, the one i grew obsessed with from that very first day, it opened up a whole flood of emotions.”

“mark, that was years ago–”

“and i still feel the same.”

donghyuck’s heart is shaking, this has to be a dream. he points at the guitar. “what’s this for then?”

mark smiles sheepishly. “there was that song we always practiced together, and i thought of you every time. i made a promise to myself that i would sing to you the day i finally confess.”

the friend label is a label i’ve grown to hate, my hidden feelings still remain. it’s funny, because goodbye summer always stirred something in donghyuck’s chest that he couldn’t explain, especially because it was their song. mark made sure it was.

mark only gets halfway through the chorus before donghyuck grabs his face and pulls him into a kiss. mark mumbles a cute little what under his breath, and then donghyuck can feel the smile forming against his lips. 

from their first meeting to this very moment, they are right where they’re supposed to be.

Chapter Text

the day of their ‘first’ concert comes at the least convenient time.

“mark and haechan,” their manager sighs during their morning meeting. “you two have to do some damage control before it devolves into a second summer 2017 situation.”

right, it was that incident that has had their fans spam the comment section of every video he’s watched. donghyuck thinks it’s stupid that they have to continue cleaning up the mess that their older, hormone infused selves caused three years ago.

“i would prefer that over another fall 2019 incident,” johnny stage whispers, and jaehyun giggles. 

the manager squints at them. “what the hell is that?” 

“nothing, just a cautionary tale about locked doors and which member you should choose as a roomma–” doyoung ribs johnny harshly before he could finish that sentence. mark and donghyuck look at each other and decide that they’ve heard enough of that tale.

their telepathy was in its infant stages back in their original timeline, but in the span of two weeks it developed into a highly sensitive and sophisticated tool of communicating while their hyungs are around, which unfortunately happened to be all the fucking time.

“hey,” mark grabs donghyuck by the wrist as everyone's leaving. “do you think i’ll do okay?”

“what do you mean?”

he shifts his weight nervously. “you know, like the stuff we practice.” 

donghyuck holds back a smile. why is he being so adorable? “you’re fine, you just have to do that one thing.”

“what thing?”

“like,” man, how does he put it? “you have to give me that look.”

“what?” mark looks the same way he did when he thought donghyuck was making fun of him at the stream. “what do you mean?”

“you know these videos we watch, the ones about us? you always do this thing in your eyes when you look at me, especially when i’m singing. it makes me feel like i’m intruding and it’s always hard to watch.” donghyuck processes the words that just came out of his mouth and quickly tries to throw in some damage control. “you look funny when you do it, but um, i guess the fans like it a lot because everyone talks about it in the comments. you should try that, for authenticity and stuff.”

“i literally,” mark says, and donghyuck feels like his heart is about to shoot through the roof. “have no idea what you’re talking about. thanks for nothing, donghyuck.”

the bright red of his face betrays him, though, and donghyuck resists the urge to squeeze him to death. “okay, ready?”

he puts his right hand up, and mark nods and slowly smacks it to the left, right, fist bump up and down, and then they launch into their little synchronized dance. they spent hours last night trying to perfect every step of the handshake, donghyuck thought it was stupid at first but sure enough, it helps calm him down, like a comforting little prayer.

“let’s do this.”

the concert is a dream.

the nerves he and mark were feeling before have evaporated, and he discovers that their fans’ enthusiastic cheers are contagious, boosting his energy and making him feel like he’s floating on  stage.

it helps a lot that mark is there, too. strict instructions aside, he finds himself drifting to his side of the stage anyway, to hold his hand during the ballads and throw his entire body into a back hug whenever they exit the stage for a wardrobe change and poke his cheeks and grab his butt whenever he starts talking. he’s not sure if their staff’s decision to have them stand next to each other during ments is incredibly stupid or brilliant.

they can’t hide the shock in their eyes once they start to do the handshake in the middle of the stage and the entire dome erupts into screams, louder than when johnny hyung ripped his shirt two songs ago. 

he trips over mark while running around the stage during love me now , sending them toppling on top of each other on the cold floor. there are a few audible gasps from the fans in the first row, mistaking their surprised expressions for pain. donghyuck knows what it really is, though. this is the closest their faces have been since the last time they kissed, and mark just looks so pretty all dolled up under the bright stage lights. he does it again, that look donghyuck sees in all the videos. they hold the tension for a long, painful minute, before they burst into laughter and help each other up. the cheers are deafening. 

he could do this forever.

“we are going to consume these alcoholic drinks,” mark motions over the bottles sitting snugly between them on the floor of the living room. the lights are low and although no one’s gone to sleep yet, it feels like they should be whispering. there is electricity in the air. 

donghyuck nods slowly. “right.”

mark delibrates over his words. “completely legally.”

“yes exactly,” he agrees.

“are you guys already drunk?” yuta, who’s on the couch, idly flipping through the channels, asks. donghyuck shoots him a deathly glare. this would be so much easier if he wasn’t here.

“do we look drunk to you?” in his two weeks of nonstop lying, donghyuck has learned that the right way to counter a hard question is with another question. so far, no one has caught on, but sometimes taeyong smiles funny before answering him.

yuta inspects both of their faces, unaffected by his aggressive response. they’ve all somehow readjusted to his feral side without even realizing it. “mark hasn’t squeezed the living shit out of anyone or called them cute yet, so no. i’ll give it another half hour or so.”

johnny makes a fake gagging sound. “yeah, i’m locking myself in my room before we get there.”

“ditto,” doyoung agrees, like he wasn’t practically sitting in jaehyun’s lap during their post-concert dinner a mere hour ago with the excuse that the entire restaurant they rented out didn’t have enough space.

donghyuck didn’t care about what they thought anyway, he would never miss this for the world.

mark throws donghyuck a nervous glance and nudges away the shot glass he just poured him. donghyuck puts the glass back in his hand. he’s not leaving this stupid timeline until he’s seen this with his very eyes. 

mark’s eyes are a little clouded. he opens his mouth and his lips pause while forming a perfect o , holding all of donghyuck’s attention hostage until he finally says the last thing he expects:

“i’m hungry.”

“we were literally just at a post-concert celebration feast.”

mark shakes his head slowly, like it weighs a millions tonnes. “not that, i’m hungry for the food you used to make me.”

“i’ve never– oh, you mean that one time?” it takes donghyuck a few seconds to recall that memory. one night after practice, as the two of them walked back home, mark’s stomach started growling and all the restaurants on the way from the building to their dorm were closed. donghyuck bought whatever he could at the nearby convenience store to put together full course meal.

it’s weird, he never thought of that night all that much, their days of practicing together were so long and tedious and they’ve been doing it for so many years that he can barely parse his memories apart anymore. they just culminated to turn mark into someone special to him, to tie them up together so tightly they can’t live without each other anymore.

fuck, he’s never thought about it that way. his new brain is funny like that, it’s given him the ability to convert his feelings into coherent thoughts.

donghyuck flings all the kitchen cupboard open searching for ingredients and pots, and as the water boils he turns to watch mark, tipsy and sleepy and looking at him with his big round eyes. something in his chest twists, not because he finds older mark handsome but because he sees his best friend in him.

“it tastes like home,” mark sighs as he takes a bite. he’s a little more alert now.

“do you miss it, hyung?” donghyuck asks. it’s a stupid question, but it’s not what he’s really asking. do you miss us?

mark’s eyes meet his. “every day. but i think i like it here now, with all the changes.”

his heart is pounding now, he wishes his new super brain could come up with the right words to describe what he’s feeling right now.  “me too.”

because what other changes are there? they still live together, they still practice together, they still bicker like a pair of preschoolers. the only thing that’s different is–

mark is suddenly cupping his face, he moves an inch and then pauses, searching for approval in donghyuck’s face. his eyes flutter shut, and then he feels mark’s soft lips on his again.

it’s better the second time, because the deep craving he’s had for the past week is finally satiated, and because there are no excuses this time. mark is kissing him because he really, really , wants to.

their food is left abandoned as they hold on tighter to each other, mark drags him from his chair until he’s sitting on his lap, and donghyuck makes himself comfortable, wrapping his arms around his neck and tugging on his lips. 

when they stop to catch their breaths, to process what the fuck just happened, mark’s mouth hangs open again, and he says the last thing donghyuck expects.

“i like you, donghyuck.”

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“you guys are live in four, three, two….”

it's april of 2020, and this is their third live together already, but this one feels like a world away from the rest. donghyuck snickers to himself when he reads a comment pointing out that they look happier than usual, thinking about how making out an hour before they went live might have helped lift their moods.

“what’s that?” he scrolls up the chat to read another comment again and then snorts. “no, mark hyung still can’t make an omelette. i’m the receiving victim every time.” 

“hey, you volunteer to try it!” mark adds defensively. “everyone, i’m not trying to food poison haechan.”

“i volunteer to help you get better but you don’t listen to me! he keeps saying haechan i’ve got this, stop worrying, no i don’t need you to help me flip the egg.”

mark grabs his arm and sways his body back and forth. he tries to pout but he’s shaking with laughter. “stop, it really wasn’t that bad the last time i did it.”

“sure it wasn’t,” he replies, but turns to the camera and shakes his head frantically, mark’s infectious giggle only get louder. the comments scroll by more rapidly as they grip into each other. their fans are so predictable. 

“look look,” mark taps on the screen. “they’re asking for your recipe, chef haechan. since you’re so good at it.”

donghyuck shoots him a funny look before turning back to his audience. “alright guys, let me show you the secret method that will have the mark hyungs in your life begging for more every time!”

mark rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling so fondly, and it only makes donghyuck more giddy. he never knew bickering with his best friend could make him this happy. 

“your journey starts at the supermarket, you can bring your designated mark hyung if you’d like, but he can’t make any decisions. let him get lost at the frozen food section and retrieve him after you’re finished–”

mark is staring at him the entire time, with a pretty twinkle in his eyes and a soft smile. right as donghyuck is about to launch into his guide to choosing the right skillet, he blurts out, “i love you.”

donghyuck freezes, mouth hanging open and hands paused midway through a very animated demonstration. he’s never said it to him until now, at least not since they’ve started dating. never like this before. 

mark looks just as shocked, covering his mouth with his hands and turning slowly to look at the comments on their manager’s propped up phone.

they’ve exploded.

“see, that’s just how incredible my cooking skills are!” he quickly takes back control of the situation, and mark sighs and sinks back into the practice room couch. the fire he’s set to their comment section shows no signs of waning, though. “now where was i? right! the skillets–”

forty five painful minutes later, after they wave goodbye to the camera and their manager leaves the room, donghyuck destroys the shaky dam he’s built to control himself in front of their fans.

mark scratches the back of his neck, like he always does when he thinks he’s in trouble. “i–i– don’t know where that came from i swear–”

he stops him before he continues his stupid, and honestly unnecessary explanation with a kiss, and mark lets out a tiny surprised squeak before melting into it. they kiss for a long time, because once they start it’s always so hard to stop, and donghyuck keeps going back in for more and more, even as mark tries to finish his sentence.

“i love you too, you dork,” he finally says, and mark stares at him, unblinking, before laughing again. “even with your impeccable timing.”

frankly, he can’t think of a more perfect time and place.

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donghyuck wakes up to heavy rain.

a storm would be a more apt description. johnny is snoring in the bed next to his and he has a splitting headache. he winces and rubs it in circles as he types in mark’s birthday to unlock his phone. he has two messages.

MANAGER: schedules cancelled for today, sleep in.

MARK: we need to talk.

right, so two terrible news: mark wants to talk to him after he ran off last night and he has nowhere to run because of the storm raging outside.

this can’t be a coincidence. 

maybe what he did was wrong, but it wasn’t fair for mark to drop that bomb on him either. he doesn’t know what he wants. he likes kissing mark and he likes being with him all the time, but his thought process didn’t dare venture beyond that. he blocked himself from admitting there was anything more to it.

and he’s fifteen! and mark is his best friend! and they’re stuck in the wrong timeline!

this isn’t at all what he expected love to be like, what he expected his first kiss to be like. he thought it would be as simple as going out on a date with a charming stranger, someone introduced into his life solely for the purpose of romance. they’ll get to know each other slowly and then they’ll kiss at the end of their first date, something short and sweet, not awkward and forceful and a little too eager. 

having feelings for someone so close to him makes it all too complicated. he’s not ready to navigate a sticky situation like this, the weight on his chest feels too heavy.

he pulls the covers over his head and tries to go back to sleep when an incredible idea pops into his head. 

he’s not ready, but someone else is.

DONGHYUCK: morning babe.

DONGHYUCK: is everything alright?

mark is online, but he isn’t typing anything.

DONGHYUCK: helloooo?

MARK: why 

MARK: are you calling me that?

DONGHYUCK: because you’re my boyfriend? what’s wrong with you today?

MARK: i’m fine, just wanted to see you

hook, line, and–

MARK: babe

sinker.

their unwashed dishes are in the sink, none of the other members are awake, and the living room is eerily quiet save for the wind and pounding rain against the window. worst of all, donghyuck’s head still hurts like hell, it’s almost….pulsing in a slow rhythm. tik tok, tik tok.

the hollow circles under mark’s eyes are dark, and it’s clear he barely had any sleep the previous night. donghyuck feels even more miserable than he did before, he wishes he could tuck him back into bed and force him to sleep for twelve hours.

(it would help him avoid having this confrontation, just as an added bonus.)

“good morning.” he tries to sound chipper but it’s hard when mark is so stone faced.

“morning babe,” mark replies, maintaining eye contact as he sits next to him on the couch. donghyuck waits for him to lean in for a kiss. he doesn’t.

“what did you, uh, wanna talk to me about?” he asks casually, like it just popped into his mind. “you’re acting kinda funny.”

“i was just thinking, remember when we went to beach in miami? and i carried you to the water? you were screaming and yelling for me to put you down. how long ago was that?”

what the fuck is he talking about? “of course i do, you could barely hold my weight in your arms and you still insisted that i do it, what a dork,” he lies easily. “why do you ask?”

“answer the question, donghyuck.” 

his voice is icy, sending a cold chill down donghyuck’s spine. he gulps and tries to keep a straight face. “summer of 2018, i guess. why are you being so weird?”

mark doesn’t answer. he pulls out his phone and types something quickly before holding it up to show him. it’s a video of donghyuck carrying mark, time stamped from july 2019. 

shit.

“i knew it,” mark spits out. “why are you hiding from me?”

“i just thought it would be fu–”

“well it’s not! it’s not funny donghyuck,” the venom from his voice fades and is instead replaced with weariness. “why do you always do that? why is it always a fucking joke with you?” 

he feels defenseless against mark’s attack. “it’s not like that.”

“it is! and i’m tired. why can’t we just talk about our feelings? i thought being here would help you….i don’t know, finally fucking grow up or something.”

tears pool at the corner’s donghyuck’s eyes and he rapidly blinks them back. ugh, so stupid. why is he crying? they’ve fought a hundred times but he’s never ever cried. “everything feels too much right now, everything about you is just too much, and i don’t think blowing up on me is a sign of maturity either.”

mark looks more frustrated than ever. “you just run away and go to sleep when i need you the most. just like a few weeks ago when i called you crying because i wanted to move home and you never picked up. you were the only person i felt like i could talk to and yet–”

“what the hell are you talking abou–”

“you know, i think i’m gonna miss you guys a lot.”

they both freeze and turn slowly to see taeyong leaning against his door frame with a little smile. donghyuck rubs his eyes and mark’s tense shoulders relax.

“hyung? how long have you been standing here?”

taeyong offers him a box of tissues, and he declines it with a loud sniffle. “i came in a little bit after you did, but that’s not important. you kids are not from here, are you?”

mark feigns confusion. “what do you mea–”

donghyuck stops him by grabbing his hand, and feels a little squeeze in his chest when mark holds his back instinctively. “how do you know?”

and then taeyong tells them his story.

it happened one morning when he was in ninth grade, instead of waking up at home and getting ready for school he found himself rushed by sm’s staff to the venue of their first comeback’s showcase. he spent a week terrified, confused, and alone before realizing that he liked being on stage. a lot.

“later, i found out that i was casted near my high school. thing is, though, it’s not the same school i was going to attend the next spring. that little detail almost changed the course of my entire life, like i took a tiny detour and the universe had to set me back on the right track,” taeyong explains. “as soon as i got home i knew where i wanted to be, where i had to be.”

“so it is a different timeline,” mark mumbles to himself. their taeyong hyung was casted outside of school too. 

“that’s the thing though, how did you go back?” donghyuck asks eagerly. he’s been so caught up in their stupid fight that he forgot they were still trying to find their way home.

taeyong points to the window. “the weather, it was just like this the day i got there and the day i came back. and, uhm, do you have that too?” he knocks on his skull lightly, and donghyuck winces in pain. of course, that fucking headache. “when i felt the resolve to stay on stage for as long as i could, the storm came back.”

“we’re going back today ?” mark exclaims, and before donghyuck knows it, he’s wrapped in a crushing hug. he holds on tight to him, the tear streaks on his cheeks are already drying. it only lasted for a few minutes but he thinks that he can never handle seeing mark this sad because of him again.

and it’s clear to donghyuck then. what his feelings are, how simple it all actually is. 

taeyong nods. “the next time you wake up, you’ll be home.”

“wait, wait. hyung, do you know how old we are?” mark asks when they break apart. they stand closer to him, shoulder to shoulder, so he could get a better look.

taeyong narrows his eyes and sticks his bottom lip out. “you definitely already know each other, but you’re not in nct yet. i’m gonna say….fourteen?”

“wow, he thinks we’re babies,” mark whispers to donghyuck, who throws taeyong a disappointed look.

“we are not that immature.”

taeyong just smiles. “how old?”

“fifteen….”

“god, you’re just so cute,” he says and pulls them both into a hug. he still smells like strawberries, and the familiar scent sends a warm jolt into donghyuck’s brain. “little babies, i can’t believe these idiots let you drink last night.”

“hyuuung, let us go,” donghyuck whines, while mark sighs happily and leans into it.

“right, i think you have a lot to talk about,” he whispers cheekily. “i’ll leave you to it.”

donghyuck turns red. taeyong did just hear their entire argument after all.

“thank you, hyung,” mark says. “we’ll see you back home.”

taeyong winks.

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he wasn’t sleeping when the phone rang.

donghyuck was mad at mark. he got home at one in the morning and it was all his best friend’s fault. the draining, twelve hour practice sessions are normal now, just another part of his life that he has to get through. it’s just that sometimes he crawls into bed feeling so drained, like his soul has been sucked out of him by sm, and when his brain enters that state it pins down something or someone and drops all its problems on them. 

that someone is usually mark. 

it just makes sense: he’s the person he practices with the most, he’s the person who’s gotten him into the habit of practicing for twelve hours, he’s the person who forces him to sit back and wait for him long after everyone was gone. 

but what really set him off this time around was an offhand remark when he said they’ve had enough for the day. "it's fine if you leave, i'm taking this choreography seriously."

knowing mark, he said it sincerely and definitely did not mean to hurt him. but donghyuck's exhausted mind had already set its sights on him.

donghyuck turns his phone off and sleeps.

ıllıllııllıllııllıllı

the storm outside rages on, but donghyuck can’t hear it anymore.

what he can hear is the irregular rhythm of mark’s heart beating so loud next to his. they’re lying down facing each on his bed, and although his eyelids are getting really heavy, he just can’t get them to fully close. 

“if taeyong’s reason for going back is because he almost couldn’t debut, then for us it’s–”

“yeah.”

“i don’t think i like that,” mark says, nose scrunched in disgust. “i don’t like that the universe pushed me on you and said you had to be with me. that’s not fair, shouldn’t love be about making your own choices?”

love. it’s a big word, and yet mark says it so easily.

“mark, do you think i’m forced to be with you against my will?” donghyuck asks. it’s his turn to feel frustrated. “we did make choices, over and over again, every day since we met. from the moment you asked me if we could sing together until the day i closed my eyes tight for the first time and prayed that we would debut together. i guess, to me, destiny isn’t an all-powerful force using us as helpless pawns, it’s more like a guide nudging us in the right direction.”

mark is pensive. he lets the last two words hang in the air for too long, to the point where donghyuck wanted to reach up and retract them before the embarrassment eats him whole, until a loud snort escapes through his nose. “this is the most serious i’ve ever seen you!”

his reaction makes it so much worse, he thought he could get away with being sappy for a split second. “i just feel like shit about yesterday, okay? i’m trying to change, starting now.”

“i shouldn’t have yelled either. you’re right, it was immature.”

“when i taught you to be mad, i didn’t think it would literally blow back in my face like this. didn't know you had it in you, mark lee.”

“ hyung .”

“yes?”

mark punches his arm. “you’re so annoying!”

“there’s just one thing i need to know,” he starts, terrified and hopeful, praying he didn’t fuck everything up again. “do you actually like me, or the person i’m going to become?”

donghyuck could never tell if the starry eyed look is really directed at him or his exterior. he caught mark giggling over older donghyuck videos a few too many times, almost to the point where he started to feel jealous of himself. 

but mark doesn’t hesitate. “i like you now, and i think i will like you for a long time too.”

“a long, long time, i hope,” donghyuck emphasizes. “because i don’t think i can picture a future without you in it.”

“let’s go home, donghyuck,” mark whispers, and then they’re kissing again. his eyes finally close. the storm begins to fade.

it’s messy and strange and awkward, the path they had to take to find each other this time around, but it doesn’t matter to donghyuck.

because theirs is still the greatest love story of all time, in every iteration.