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I Can Taste Your Lipstick (But it's All in My Head)

Summary:

*I don't plan on continuing this one but I hope its still enjoyable

Private Eye Detective Juno Steel has been after the same elusive thief for months. A pattern formed when Ancient Martian artifacts began vanishing from all over Mars. Now the thief has come to Hyperion City, and Juno is certain that their next target is the Death Mask of Grimpotheuthis - Property of the Kanagawa Crime-Family-Slash-Entertainment-Network, which conveniently will be displayed at the Kanagawas' next big cocktail party. So, Juno secures himself an invite so he can finally catch his suspect and close the case for good.

What he was not prepared for, however, was that this nameless thief is very, very pretty.

Juno gets a little sidetracked.

Notes:

Title is from Talia by King Princess. The violence warning is for one scene in this chapter, keep an eye out for the bold text! It's fairly tame but I still put it there just in case.

Anyways I wanna thank my girl Sam for helping me as I was writing this, writer's block is a bitch but she's my savior. We both wanted film noir Junoverse so I decided to write it into reality and it probably wouldn't be half as good without her help lmao

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The Kanagawas knew how to throw a party. The bar was stocked, and across the room were long tables piled high with food. High above Juno’s head were dazzling chandeliers, with glistening crystals that scattered fragments of light all across the room. Lilting tones of instrumental music flowed between passing conversations, strong brass and hypnotic vocals. 

Juno fixed his collar as he leaned back against the bar, legs crossed, a glass of scotch in hand. He scanned the crowd, which was bustling with dancing people and sounds of idle chatter. Voices of some of the richest people on Mars - hushed whispers of gossip, fake, restrained laughter, mixed with smooth and inviting voices that one could so easily get wrapped up in. Glittering jewels on exposed, shimmering skin, manicured nails, pressed coats and sharp collars, stilettos that clicked across the pristine marble floors. Everyone here was practically gleaming.

That is to say, Juno felt extremely out of his element. 

And he would have looked so, too, if not for Cecil sending him a ridiculous outfit in the mail. Something about “keeping up appearances,” and obviously it made sense, but Juno was still complaining - because Cecil wouldn’t dare miss an opportunity to make Juno look flashy.  Guaranteed, it wasn’t much compared to some of the other patrons at the party, the sheer blouse embroidered with sequins, the earrings, the high heels (which were killing his feet). . . His coat was somewhere by the entrance to the building, where a Kanagawa cousin had taken it, and Juno already missed its swallowing comfort. His tie was fastened loose around his neck, and he fiddled with it, though he refused to tighten it. 

Instead of focusing on how annoyed he was with the current circumstances, he concentrated on the display cases across the room. Being the richest, most influential media family on Mars, the Kanagawas made sure they had the artifacts to say for it, and at parties like these they loved showing them off. Precious metals and jewels, ancient Earth technologies, weapons and torture devices from past revolutions (Cecil’s addition) and the object of everyone’s affection - the Mask of Grimpotheuthis. An ancient Martian mask, surrounded with legend and mystery, dug up years ago by Croesus Kanagawa himself. It was quite an ugly thing, really, with too many eyes and a gaping, distressed maw, and rows of strange teeth. It was locked in a case across the room, centered and raised above the rest of the display, a spotlight casting it in bright light and glory. 

Juno kept a trained eye on anyone who came too close - he didn’t know what his perp looked like, but he had observed their patterns over the past several months - Ancient martian artifacts mysteriously going missing without a single trace of who or what took them, and Juno was sure the mask was their next target. The Kanagawas had been kind enough to give him a listing of all the guests attending the gathering, and that’s when Juno discovered Mr. Rex Glass - the man without a past. Not a single record, not in any census from Mercury to Pluto. Nothing. This was their guy, this was the guy Juno had been chasing for goddamn months, and he was going to be here, tonight, and he’d finally-

Juno’s train of thought was halted abruptly by a chime, followed by his secretary’s excited voice in his ear. 

“Mistah Steeeeeel !” 

Juno flinched, reaching up to his ear piece even though it wouldn’t help any. “ Rita,” he muttered, trying to remain discreet, “would you mind keeping it down just a little ?” 

Rita gasped, and her voice immediately softened to a whisper. “Oh, sorry, boss! I’m just so excited for tonight. Y’know, you’ve been so wrapped up with this Glass guy, and you barely have time to watch streams with me anymore, and Werewolves on the Moon is gettin’ real good this season and you’re so lucky I’m tapin ‘em all for you-”

Rita !” Juno hissed, cutting her off. “That all sounds just lovely but please remind me what you called me for?” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Oh, what was I. . . Oh! OH! Well, Mistah Glass just arrived!”

What.

“Yes, sir! The Kanagawas at the door just signed in a man by the name of Rex Glass, and-” Rita erupted into giggles- “mmmhmhmmheheheh, you’re gonna like him Mistah Steel, he’s real pretty!”

“Come on, Rita, this is a mission, not a dating show.” Juno sighed in exasperation. “We’re dealing with a full-blown criminal, not a potential bachelor.” 

“We’ll see about that, boss.”

“Rita. . .”

“Oh-! OH! The commercial’s over! I gotta go now , boss!”

“Rita-”

“He’s comin’ in through the main entrance, boss, you can’t miss him! Call me if you need anything!”

Rita !”

“Byyyyyyyyeeeeee!” 

“RI-”

And she hung up. 

Juno exhaled and glanced toward the big double doors to his left and-

Oh.

Well, Rita wasn’t exactly wrong about their suspect.

Jet black waves were slicked back, flawless except for a cowlick that fell gently over the man’s pale skin. Glasses, with thin black frames, and through the sparkle of the tinted lenses Juno could see his eyes, which carried a glint of charm and confidence. His face was sculpted, strong cheekbones and sharp features, a jawline that could cut Juno in half, he looked so sinister yet somehow. . . So soft . Trailing his eyes down, Juno observed a string of pearls around the man’s neck, stark against a black dress, flowing and loose yet somehow perfectly form-fitting. A corset around his waist, black and fastened with white laces, and below that, a flowing skirt with a slit cut through it to expose long legs. As if he wasn’t tall enough, Glass wore heels and Juno swore he could hear him step into the room from his spot, all the way across the room at the bar.

Somehow, Juno caught his eye, and Glass flashed him a half-smile. Sharp canine teeth, not exactly vampyric, but somehow inviting. Like a cat.

 Like a fox. 

Dangerous .

Something welled up in Juno that he couldn’t name, something similar to terror yet at the same time, nothing like it. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and tore his eyes away. 

This is going to fucking suck, isn’t it?

It was at this moment that Juno realized, now that he finally had Rex Glass in sight, he didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to catch him. There was never any solid evidence left behind in the past crimes - Juno knew Glass was going to steal the mask, but he didn’t know how. And with the room full of people, and plenty of them admiring the Kanagawa’s possessions from both up close and afar, it was hard to believe the thief would be able to manage it.

Juno knew not to underestimate him, though. 

He glanced back up at the Mask, and it was still there, just as it had been, perfect in its display case. And then, he chanced a glimpse at Glass, and- Fuck.

He was coming right towards Juno.

Juno’s mind raced a mile a minute, and he hid his face by taking another long swig of his scotch, but his shock caused him to choke. He desperately hid his embarrassment behind a socially-acceptable amount of coughs, and then had virtually no choice but to hold his breath for a second. Did Glass know who he was? Had he picked up that Juno was on his trail, somehow? If Glass was prepared for Juno, and Juno was in now way prepared for glass, that would throw everything out of proportion-

“Hello there, darling.” 

Juno stifled the shiver that dared to travel throughout his entire body. A smooth voice, accompanied by an Outer-Rim accent. With Glass’ presence came an intoxicating smell, something like spices and synth-sandalwood, and something else that felt like it came from another world entirely. 

He coughed again in an effort to clear his throat and tried to smile. “Um, yeah, uh- hi.”

Glass chuckled softly at Juno’s spluttering, motioned to the bartender and ordered a drink - something fancy, Juno observed, a “Manhattan,” a cocktail once popular on Earth. Glass propped his elbows atop the bar, resting his chin on a manicured hand. He glanced at Juno from the corner of his eye, and flashed that half-smile again. 

“This kind of function isn’t quite your cup of tea, is it?” Glass observed, his other hand wrapped around his drink. He took a tentative sip at first, and then decided the drink was up to standard and hummed, pleased.

“How could you tell?” Juno found himself picking at the cuff of his blouse subconsciously, but then a gentle hand was laid atop his own, making him stop his fidgeting. 

“You’re wound up like a spring. You seem ready to pounce at any second,” Glass mused. He gently drummed his fingertips atop the back of Juno’s hand. “So what brings you here?” 

“Uhm.” Juno’s throat felt dry. He considered lying, if only for a moment, but why would he? What difference would it make? “I. . . One of the Kanagawa twins is an old friend of mine,” he offered, gently pulling his hand away from Glass’. If he minded, he didn’t show it. 

The taller man merely nodded, taking another sip from his drink. “Rex Glass,” he introduced himself, turning his body to face the detective. Juno nodded in acknowledgement.

“Juno Steel.”

“Juno,” Rex echoed, as if trying the name out, testing how the simple syllables rolled over his tongue as if he had just learned a brand new word. “That sounds. . . Familiar somehow. What a name. Juno. . .”

Juno bristled, only slightly. “Yeah, uh. Don’t wear it out or anything,” he muttered, taking another sip of his drink (and making sure not to choke on it this time). “So, why are you here?”

“Similar to you, I suppose. I’ve done business with the Kanagawas before. They enjoy my company and I enjoy their luxuries.” Rex hummed. 

Bullshit, Juno thought, but he got so lost in that voice that he nearly considered it. 

The small talk would have continued if not for Cecil Kanagawa’s melodic voice, which rang loud over the entire audience. Cecil was perched at the top of a staircase at the far end of the room, across from the main entrance, high above the display cases. His outfit was the flashiest of all, and his bionic arm glittered in the light of the chandeliers. 

“Ladies, gentlemen, esteemed guests, royalty, friends, family, whoever you may be. . . I’d like to formally address you all, and extend my family’s thanks for coming tonight. Please, don’t hesitate to help yourself to refreshments, dance, socialize, and of course, admire our many articles of affection - we have plenty to show off.” Cecil may have winked in Juno’s direction then, but it was too quick to notice. “My father will be out momentarily to greet you, I know some of you desperately await his arrival. He-”

“Croesus Kanagawa, in the flesh.” Rex commented, speaking close to Juno’s ear to ensure he was heard. This time, Juno did shiver. He tried to focus on the task at hand. The effect this man had on him was. . . Ridiculous.

“They love the admiration more than anything.” Juno sighed. Rex only hummed in response.

“Care for a dance, Juno?”

What ?”

“A dance. With me,” Rex clarified, seemingly pleased to have caught the PI off-guard. 

“I- Uh.” Juno faltered. Say no, he thought to himself. Say no. Don’t let him blindside you like this.

“Sure.”

Fuck.

 

Though Glass wore such a delicate-looking dress, he sure as hell knew how to lead.

Strong arms were wrapped around Juno. Rex dipped him, twirled him until he was about to get dizzy, then just as quick held him close again and swayed. Juno certainly had a few mishaps in his attempts to keep up, but Rex didn’t mind when the detective stepped on his feet or stumbled, he only kept going. 

Juno’s heart was beating fast enough to concern him, so he patted Rex gently on the shoulder and slowed his steps. Rex took the hint and did the same. He hardly seemed winded. Bastard. 

“Are you alright, Juno?” Rex had one arm wrapped around the PI’s waist, and his free hand was intertwined with the other man’s. There was tension between his brows - concern. Whether or not it was feigned, Juno couldn’t tell. He took a deep breath. 

“Yeah, just, um. . . Need some air.” Their pace had slowed but Juno’s heart still raced. He couldn’t figure out why. 

“It is quite warm in here,” Rex noted, “Shall I take you somewhere more quiet?”

Juno felt his face flush, and he coughed as he nodded. Rex let go of Juno’s hand, and moved his other to the small of his back. He led him across the floor, then outside the ballroom to a pristine hallway with the occasional painting or decorative plant along its walls. Juno leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath again.

“Claustrophobic, perhaps?” Rex asked.

“No,” Juno breathed. “Just uh, I’ve never. . . Nevermind.” 

Rex nodded. He didn’t pry. Juno had to remind himself of who he was talking to - a thief. The very thief he’d been looking for, for a long time. He could finally close this damn case tonight, lock it away forever, if only he could keep his focus.

But there was so much evidence of good character in Rex, that sometimes, if only for a second, he allowed himself to ignore the circumstances. 

Juno glanced back into the ballroom, across the people milling around, dancing, drinking, laughing, and he strained his eyes to take a look at the mask in it’s display case - 

But it was empty.

“What the hell!”

“Juno? Whats wr- Oh. The mask, it’s-”

“Yeah, gone. What the hell did you do, Glass?” Juno felt very awake all of a sudden. He’d been with Glass the whole time, there was no way he’d have gotten close enough to steal the mask, unless he wasn’t working alone. 

“What did I- Juno, I have no idea what you’re talking-”

A shout down the hallway. No, a scream. Deep, pained, and then abruptly cut off. Juno suddenly forgot about the mask and Rex entirely.

“That sounded like it came from around the corner,” Rex seemed startled - genuinely. Whatever was happening right now, it probably wasn't according to Glass' plans. And that terrified Juno.

“Yeah, no shit. I’m gonna check it out-”

“Juno, it could be dangerous-” 

“Oh, really? Thanks, Glass, I didn’t even think of that-” 

“I’m not just letting you go alone-”

“Well, it’s your lucky day, then, ‘cuz that’s the whole damn point. I’m not letting you out of my sight. C’mon.”

Glass seemed at a loss for words as Juno took off, suddenly full of energy, heeled boots slamming against the tiles. The thief followed, running effortlessly in his high heels.

 

Juno rounded the corner and crouched down to catch his breath, a hand against the wall. He heard Rex close behind him and didn’t bother to look up.

“. . . My, what a scene.”

Juno finally glanced up and immediately regretted it.

Blood and gore covered the scene. On the floor lay the body of Croesus Kanagawa, mangled and nearly unrecognizable - had their last encounter not been so unpleasant, Juno wouldn’t have realized it was him. The mask seemed to have clamped onto Croesus’ skull with strong, sharp talons, and pulled his head apart in three pieces. What remained of his face was gone, replaced by three martian faces and ten times as many eyes that stared onward into the beyond, three mouths twisted and gaping in a permanent scream. Blood was still gushing from the fresh, jagged rifts in his head, forming a sickening crimson pool. If Juno looked close enough at the faults, he could see-

Juno decided to stop looking in favor of hunching over and dry heaving right against the wall. He felt a gentle hand on his back - Glass’ hand - and to Juno’s surprise, it brought him some comfort. He stood up on shaky legs, and felt Rex wrap an arm around his shoulder. He knew he had to pull away, but. . . 

It was nice. Being held like this. It was a comfort he had never experienced before, receiving such sympathy during a gruesome scene, and. . . For a change, it was really satisfying.

Damn it, don’t get so soft all of a sudden. He’s a criminal. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t-

“Dad? Hey, dad, it’s almost time, your audience is waiting!” Juno recognized that voice. Sharp, strong and confident, that voice was always accompanied by bleach-damaged hair and distressed jeans, a style lost to time on Earth centuries ago, but Cass was bringing it back to Hyperion City with full-force. Mars still found comfort in the decade’s fashion - swing music, little black dresses, spats and pressed suits, long coats and leather dress shoes - but Cassandra Kanagawa always loved to challenge the status-quo. And so did all her fans, which were slowly taking over a good portion of the solar system. The Kanagawas’ popularity was endless. 

“Daaaad, I- Holy shit. Is-” Juno turned around as Cass rounded the corner, and her face dropped in absolute horror. She glanced up at Juno, tearing her eyes away from her father’s corpse. “Juno-? You- what the fuck happened? Is- Is that. . . Dad?” Despite her father being utterly unidentifiable, Cass knew immediately who it was - she just didn’t seem to want to believe it.

Juno didn’t exactly want to confirm her fears, either. He liked Cass. They used to be good friends, and even if that was a long time ago, he. . . Didn’t want to watch her go through this alone. He had to admit he was a bit biased, though, because for a moment he hardly questioned Cass’ sudden arrival.

“I. . . Shit, I’m. . . So sorry, Cass.” Juno muttered, offering her a hand, but Cass smacked it away, taking a step back.

“No, don’t fucking touch me, Juno!” She shouted, crossing her arms over her chest. Juno vaguely noted that one of her hands was wrapped in a bandage. “Look, you and dad had some major issues the last time you saw each other, how am I supposed to know you didn’t-” 

“Miss Kanagawa-” Rex began, but Juno cut him off.

“Whoa, whoa, Cass, slow down. Think for a second. I couldn’t have done this. That mask was in a locked display case all night, I called you up because I thought it was going to be stolen, and it was, and now Croesus is. . . Look. You have a detective right at your disposal, let me help you out here.” 

“Detective?” Rex murmured. Juno exhaled heavily, reluctantly pulling himself free of Rex’s embrace. Slowly, Cass began to nod.

“Yeah, I. . . Sorry, Juno. The mask. . . The lock on the case could only be opened by Croesus’ blood, I don’t. . . Know what could have happened, Juno.” Cass let out a shaky breath, finally meeting the detective’s eyes.

Juno scoffed. “Yeah, well we have a record thief right here, so that answers that.” He cast an accusatory glance at Glass, who’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

“Me? Juno. . .”

“Wait, Rex Glass? Why would he-” Cass began, and Juno found himself whipping around in shock.

“You know him, Cass? What the hell is going on here-”

“Rex works for Dark Matters, Juno. They have the same suspicions as you do-”

Suddenly, Juno felt furious. “Dark Matters!? You guys let Dark Matters in on this? I called you, Cass, to warn you because I knew someone was after the mask, and you didn’t tell me Dark Matters was involved?”

“. . . You didn’t call me , Juno.” Cass looked perplexed.

“What? Yes I did, I called the estate, you picked up the phone, I- Fuck. Cecil.

“Cecil,” Cass echoed, “Cecil answered you.”

Cecil, ” Juno groaned. “Of course it was Cecil. And- Cecil was sitting right above the display case earlier. It must have been him. You said it took Croesus’ blood, yeah? Well you are his kids, but why would he. . .” 

“Dad signed off on my show,” Cass blurted. Juno stopped his rambling and gazed at her quizzically, prompting her to continue. “Both me and Cecil had shows in mind. Dad could only make room for one, and he chose mine. We had everything planned out, Juno, we were going to go on air next month and he was gonna help me arrange everything - but Cecil’s show. . .”

“Cecil got upset. Upset enough to crave revenge, even, huh?” Juno huffed. “He’s always been pretty out of his mind, in his own way, his obsessions with weapons and torture machines-” He peeked again at Croesus’ body- “It all. . . adds up, huh?”

But Juno knew the Kanagawas. Something was still wrong, he could sense it. They were a media family, they were good at acting, or at least at framing the truth in a way that hid the ugly parts of the big picture. There were still a few things Juno was uncertain about and he was keen on getting to the bottom of it.

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, Juno.” Cass murmured, already turning away. Juno nodded, deciding he’d let it go for the moment.

“Yeah, uh. . . We’ll take it from here, Cass. Do you know where Cecil may be?”

“The studio,” Cass said.

“Okay. Go find Min. Tell her what happened.”

Cass seemed eager to leave, and Juno didn’t turn around again until the sound of her hurried footsteps disappeared down the hallway. 

“She’s hiding something,” Rex evaluated, and when Juno turned to face him he saw that Glass was crouched over the body, examining it closely. “Fortunately, this was very recent, so it’s much easier to investigate this way.” He cast another one of those sharp smiles toward Juno, and the detective felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He pressed a hand there to calm himself.

“You think she did it?” Juno queried, trying his best to look at Rex and not the mess of a corpse on the floor.

“Too early to tell,” Glass remarked, standing up straight and beginning to walk off from the scene. “Let’s go investigate her twin, yes?” 

Glass seemed. . . Reserved, suddenly. Standoffish. Juno quickly realized that that was probably his fault. He pursed his lips, pondering a solution, and before he could really think it over, his feet were bringing him closer to Rex and Juno’s hand was already wrapped gently around his wrist. The gentle contact was enough to make the taller man stop in his tracks, and he craned his neck to look at Juno. There was a faint trace of surprise in his eyes, followed by bemusement, and Juno could already feel himself shrinking under Glass’ intense gaze.

“So, uh, Dark Matters?” Juno chuckled nervously. 

Glass nodded, “Detective?” He countered, beginning to pull his arm away. 

“H-Hey, look. I shouldn’t have accused you,” Juno began stammering, “I’ve been after this thief for months and when I looked through the guest list, and I looked into you who had absolutely no record of prior existence I assumed you were- I didn’t know Dark Matters was involved, so I-”

“Apology accepted, Detective.” Rex gingerly interrupted Juno with a soft laugh, and the shorter man felt his face flush. “Relax. We’re here for the same purpose, yes? I believe it’s best if we work together,” Rex offered, and god, Juno accepted. He was still wary of the man, sure, but there was something about him that left Juno feeling. . .

Glass fixed their position by taking Juno’s hand and leading him down the hallway. “I have the floorplan of the estate memorized, but it’s quite a walk to the studio,” he explained. “Cecil Kanagawa is not an easy man to miss, though. I’m sure we’ll find him in no time at all.”

“Something still isn’t sitting right with me,” Juno said. “There’s always some kind of twist when it comes to a Kanagawa case. The minute you think you have it, they pull a one-eighty, and you’re back to square one.”

“Hm,” Rex hummed in thought. “Let’s try to stay on our toes, then.”

 

Juno could only nod in response. As they walked down the long hallways of the Kanagawa estate, Juno found his eyes fixed on Rex. Starting with his dark ringlets of hair, trailing down the line of his jaw, the pearls around his neck nestled atop exposed collarbones and shoulders, then further into an abyss of black velvet. Juno looked at their intertwined hands and took note of the ring Glass wore on his middle finger - a large gemstone, onyx black, surrounded by smaller white stones and framed in silver. Glass held his hand so gingerly, guiding him through the hallways as if letting go meant parting forever. His legs were long, and he was far taller than Juno, even though the detective wore heels. Juno envied the agent’s ability to walk so perfectly, even in tall stilettos - Rex had spent the whole night walking and dancing and he hardly seemed bothered.

Rex Glass was. . . Beautiful, Juno finally decided.

The swelling in his chest from earlier returned - the unnamed feeling he had gotten when Glass had first flashed him that fox-like smile, the one so similar to fear. . . It wrapped around Juno’s heart with an iron grip and squeezed , making him frantic, making his breath catch in his throat. 

Juno didn't like this feeling, was what he decided next. It frightened him.