Archive of Our Own ^beta

So there's this cat and she talks. Okay. Usagi would like to think she'd been through stranger, which isn't true, but she'd done the pinch test, so she knows she isn't dreaming, and accepts it more readily than she wants to admit.

“My body might look like I'm in great shape,” she tells the cat—Luna, apparently—as she glances skeptically down at the broach thing, “but I'm so not athletic. Still, it's pretty.”

But the cat, unfortunately, is undaunted. “The transformation will give you powers you didn't know you had,” she, or it, or whatever pronoun Usagi's supposed to use because she's about as good at Japanese as she is at any other subject, says. “This includes athleticism. Please, just try.”

She debates on pinching herself again, but decides against it. One test is supposedly enough, Naru says. With a sigh, she raises the pretty broach thing in the air and says very unenthusiastically, “Moon Prism Power Make-Up!”

The transformation is real, she can see it plain as day in the mirror—the changing clothes, that half-second of nudity, the involuntary movement of her body the cat didn't warn her about—and a horrible pain rips through her insides so strongly she has to bite back a scream. Then it settles, and she places her hand on her stomach, shoulders shaking. Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life, no way. It also doesn't disguise her face at all, and she's more of a manga girl than American comics, but she knows who Superman is and, uh, no, she's so not going for the Clark Kent look. Glasses just aren’t her thing. “Do you really expect me to save the world with my face showing?” she asks the cat as the pain fades and she fits the broach to the incredibly impractical bow. While she certainly looks beautiful and glamorous (and like twenty), this skirt is so short any evil guy is going to more likely be distracted by her legs and underwear than amazing magic fighting skills. 

All right, so cats laughing should totally not be possible. Their expressions changing totally isn't a thing for normal ones to begin with. “Average humans aren't smart enough to recognize the difference,” Luna answers, matter a fact. 

Average humans. Which implies that Usagi isn't one. Right. Like she can be anything special when she fails nearly any tests a teacher throws at her. “How do I change back?” she says. “I think I need to go back and contemplate everything you just said before I decide whether or not I want to the Japanese Wonder—what's that?”

She covers her ears against the sudden noise, wondering how her parents don't hear it, and the cat gasps, which has to mean trouble. “Sleep has to wait for later, Sailor Moon!” she says, and Usagi isn't prepared to be Sailor Anyone. “You're needed now!”

“Needed where?” The cat's hard to hear over the noise.

“I'll show you!”

Oh, wonderful, Usagi thinks, but she's all dressed and ready to go, so she figures she might as well see if it's possible to fight in a miniskirt. And if she dies at sixteen? Well, she's sure she'll find a way to become a ghost and haunt Luna for the rest of her little kitty cat life.  

Before she saved her best friend and realizes that, hey, maybe superpowers aren't such a bad thing after all, Usagi never put much stock in responsibility. She wasn't particularly ambitious either. Her dream was to marry Motoki, maybe own the arcade with him since it's not like she has the scores to get into a good school, because she doesn't want to be a complete disappointment to her parents. Now she regularly fights this thing called the Dark Kingdom, and in her off time goes to the gym or trains her powers. Responsibility is weird.

Luna's also pretty awesome, even if she is a cat, and a bit of a nag. After the third youma they defeated, she turned to her, and said, “Perhaps you knew something was missing in your life,” in a way that wasn't a question.

Usagi thinks about that a lot. 

Because, well, it makes sense, doesn't it? Her lack of ambition. She knew something wasn't there that should be, and she always just felt kind of lost. Now she's got a purpose, even if she can't talk to anyone about it. Or anyone human anyway. More than once Luna's reminded her of that and it takes a lot for Usagi to say, yeah, I'm not an idiot, because she is. Her test scores are proof enough. 

“Do you ever think I'm the wrong choice?” she asks one day, patching up a giant cut on her side big enough that it didn't heal once she went back to her normal self. “I'm not very good.”

When she looks up, her friend (because Luna's so not a pet) has her fixed with a glare. “Everyone's a beginner at one point,” is all she says. 

Usagi thinks about that a lot, too. 

When she uses the magic pen disguise thing, Usagi gains the ability to do things she otherwise can't even in Sailor Moon form. One day she fakes sick just as all her family is about to go to dinner together, which means they leave her alone, and turns herself into an expert seamstress. “What an excellent idea,” Luna says, clearly impressed, which is either a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Skirt pockets are every girl's dream. Doesn't even matter the age,”  Usagi says, sitting half naked on her floor as she sews pockets into her sailor skirt. “I'm going to put more into the insides of my normal jackets just in case I need this thing when I'm not transformed. Can't exactly pin it to my school uniform, can I?”

Now that she's an expert seamstress, all this knowledge crammed inside her head, she makes quick work of her clothes. Maybe she should turn herself into a smart person for the next exam. Luna would say that's cheating. Usagi says it's working her newfound assets. “Other Sailor Scouts transform themselves using wands,” her friend tells her, and licks her paw. “When we find them, you should show them this.”

It seems like a pretty simple idea, the type anyone would think of, and Usagi doubts any of the others are dumber than her. “Okay,” she answers anyway, because that's easier than arguing. 

There's this boy who works in an arcade, and Usagi's had a crush on him since she was like fourteen. “He thinks of you as an annoying kid sister, and he's got a girlfriend anyway,” Mamoru said back when they still hated each other and didn't realize they had the ability to be best friends. Now she's his kid sister in a way, except not really. Luna says she's reincarnated or whatever, so maybe he was too, because she's had this feeling like they're connected somehow ever since she found out who she really is. 

It would be pretty awesome if they are. 

She sits with him now in this store in the shopping district, sharing a chocolate parfait while wearing horrible unattractive exercise clothes. He found her running one day, and she had to pass it off like it was this secret hobby and not something she recently picked up, which he thought was cool instead of lame. Ever since then they've spent their Sunday mornings going on runs together, and he's totally great at it. One of the reasons she inherently trusts that Tuxedo Mask guy, despite Luna's warning, is because he looks a little like Mamoru around the mouth and jaw. For about half a second she wondered if they were the same person, but scrapped that idea pretty quick. Tuxedo Mask carries himself too differently, less like some kid from an orphanage and more like a Knight in Shining Armor, and she transforms too but her personality doesn't change all that much. Putting on a silly outfit doesn't cause some one eighty switch, she's learned. It's not like the movies. 

Staring at her oddly, he says, “You look awful, dumpling head,” using the nickname leftover from those the Arch Nemeses Days. “Are you sleeping?”

Since it's not like she can tell him she fights nightmare creatures by moonlight, she shrugs and answers, “I've decided sleep is for the weak.”

Unsurprisingly, he just frowns. Motoki would've laughed. Maybe she could've liked Mamoru, but unlike his friend, he doesn't have a good sense of humor. “Absolutely brilliant,” he says. 

He can judge her all he wants. She's saved at least the city how many times now? “School's hard,” she says with a sigh. “I hope whoever decided grammar should be a thing died some totally horrible death.”

“Go take a nap or something,” he says, still frowning, which gives him this cute little crease in his forehead. She might not like him that way, but she's got eyes. “It's not like you have cram school.”

“Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me how utterly disappointing I am.”

It's a low blow, but it works. He even pays for her meal, which is cool, because who's she to turn down free food? Just because she's Sailor Moon doesn't mean she has to be selfless or anything. That just sounds boring. And she's anything but boring. Or, okay, maybe she is, or was, because she's got nothing going for her, plain and simple. Her routine used to consist of sleeping, school, and friends. She might save the world now, but no one knows, so she's just as boring in the eyes of everyone else as she's always been. 

No wonder she's never been kissed. 

They hug goodbye. “I'll go to bed early,” she says, and hopes more than anything she actually has the chance to. “Promise. A pretty girl like me needs her beauty sleep.”

Now he does laugh, and she doesn't know if that's a compliment or an insult. But the past month has been harder than anything she's ever dealt with before in her life, so she doesn't really care.

To her relief, Ami isn't evil, though Usagi hadn't expected that to be much of a relief at all. But truth is, she doesn't have many friends. Naru, Motoki, and Mamoru are about the extent of it, which her brother just loves to point out. Nothing is more damaging to a girl's self-esteem than a younger brother.

Ami, though, has even less friends than she does. “I need to be studying,” she insists when Usagi drags her out training on their day off. “We have a test tomorrow.”

Yeah, and she's going to pass while Usagi's going to fail. It's an old routine by now, created even before they were friends. “This is a different kind of studying,” she says, and she plans on easing the girl into movie and shopping dates. She lied, told her mom she was doing both since then it would make sense for her to be gone all day, because in actuality she and Ami took a bus and went out to the ocean. “Come on, it's fun. And Luna's always going on and on about how I'll never get any better if I don't practice.”

“I've always loved the water. I suppose it all makes sense now,” Ami says, shuffling into the waves and sounding a little less doubtful. “Is this where you normally go?”

Shaking her head, Usagi answers, “I go running with a friend around one of the parks, or the cemetery. Anywhere but the gym.”

“Why not the gym?”

“Bad experience.” Ami raises her eyebrow, so Usagi sighs and tells her the whole story of the youma taking over women's desire for fitness and how she almost got trapped in it too. To her it's pretty embarrassing because she actually stayed in the clear, but almost got Naru killed. 

“You're so brave,” her friend says, looking at her like she's telling some magical story of hope and wonder when all she really did was throw her tiara like a boomerang and kick a youma in the face. In Ami's excitement, the water's beginning to create a whirlpool around her legs. Usagi really liked her bubble mist thing, or spray as Luna called it. “I can't imagine ever getting as good as you one day.”

Luna's not here, because it's all sandy and wet and kind of gross for cats, and Usagi feels no shame when she says, “Everyone's a beginner at some point,” and passes the quote off as her own. 

With a smile, Ami grabs her hands and pulls her into the ocean, and Usagi pretends that water isn't way too cold for people who can't control it. 

It's a Tuesday night, and they're fighting a youma that uses time as its weapon, which is such a bitchy move it isn't funny, and Usagi knows she has about twenty different things she has to do, but she has to keep telling herself they aren't actually that important. She does have time for this. It just feels like she doesn't. 

Currently she's got the body of like her ten-year-old self, or maybe it's eleven, but she's still in her Sailor Moon clothes which means she can use her tiara even if she's weak in everything else. The youma's distracted, trying to look for them through the bubble spray fog, so Usagi pulls Ami from behind and whispers, “Throw yourself at her from the front. Close enough that she gets a good look at you.”

To her great surprise, Ami doesn't even question her, and the other girl's just naturally so good that Usagi's spent the past few fights trying to decide if she's the hero or the side kick. She rolls under an attack, comes up behind the thing, and waits until her friend has it distracted before taking her tiara in hand and tossing it at youma's back. It dies it a flash of light and purple dust, which makes the illusion fade, and Ami falls hard to the ground now that the punch has nothing to connect with. Whoops. 

She stands up, and dusts off her knees as she fades back to her school uniform. Usagi subconsciously does the same thing. “That was unpleasant,” Ami says with a scowl Usagi's never seen before. “How do you feel?”

“Normal and lazy,” she answers, and they walk out together to meet up with Luna. 

Attacking from behind was dirty, but she's learned by now that fighting dirty is just easier. She justifies it by saying the Dark Kingdom fights dirtier. 

“She could be the Moon Princess.”

Usagi looks down at Luna, even more skeptical than the day she gave her the broach. “Hino Rei, the Moon Princess,” she says. “Ami gets youma, she gets mystical princess. What, was one of the Moon Princess' outstanding traits that she was a total bitch?”

Ami hits her in the arm. “Don't be mean, Usagi.”

They don't get it, though, her friends. When she met Ami, she felt that connection, she felt like they were meant to be friends, and she knows that the other girl felt the same on at least some level. So, basically, they chose each other, as cheesy as that sounds. Looking at Rei, she just feels...nothing. And Usagi's not used to friends, certainly not girl friends, so she doesn't want someone this intimidating as part of her team. 

Which means, of course, that Rei isn't the Moon Princess but someone literally part of her team. 

“Don't tell me you're in love with him,” Rei says once the day's saved and Tuxedo Mask's once again left the scene in a much more heroic fashion than they ever do. “Of course, it would only be one-sided love.”

Oh, really? Usagi's so not prepared to deal with someone like this on a daily basis. “We'll meet up tomorrow,” she says, not even gracing that with a proper answer. “Me, Ami, and Luna will explain everything then.”

Rei says they should meet at her shrine, since their grandfather won't bother them, which is better than trying to find a different secluded spot in the park each week, and even though Usagi doesn't want to accept anything from her, she agrees. She might not be ready to deal with this, but it looks like she'll be stuck with it anyway. 

Well, she's sure they can make due somehow. 

Even though she agreed with Ami and wanted to play it safe, Usagi and her team ends up at Runway F anyway. She's not all that shocked that Jadeite is waiting for them. “Use me as bait,” she says, clutching at her stomach and trying to breathe. “Can't knock out moving metal with a Frisbee, magic or not.”

Neither girl looks happy about it, but all they split regardless. She hears the click-clack of Rei's heels in the bubble spray fog until her friend is too far away, and tries to concentrate on just running. All the training she's been doing and her natural Sailor Moon skill means that yeah, she's fast, but not exactly outrun-a-plane fast, so that's a problem. They're gaining up on her quick, and getting killed by a car is one thing, but getting killed by plane is just embarrassing. She can just see the headline now—Tokyo Girl Dies Like an Idiot in Tragic Plane Accident. Maybe they'll find Tuxedo Mask's body, too, think it's some freaky date idea gone wrong. 

Then the planes start to move in the opposite direction, and she slides under Jadeite’s moving arm gym class style, ending up next to her team. “Why are you attacking me?” he says just as the fog clears, and he freezes when he sees them. “What's this?”

Standing at the edge of the runway probably isn't the best idea but hey, she was running short of options and he doesn't look in good enough condition right now to be a threat anyway.  “You underestimated us, that's what,” she answers before sarcastically adding, as she's still pretty pissed about Tuxedo Mask, “In the name of the moon, I'll punish you for that.” He better still be alive or else she'll never be able to look at another rose again, and how's she suppose to get married then?

Jadeite doesn't seem to notice though, just stands there shaking like someone dumped ice water over his head, a feeling she's unfortunately familiar with. “Why are my thoughts in chaos?”

Thoughts in chaos? People actually talk like where he's from? No wonder he's so grumpy face all the time. “Because you have evil thoughts,” Rei answers, and Ami adds, “You fell into your own trap.”

“Back up, girls,” she tells her friends, but gives the nod to Rei to be ready before throwing her tiara. Jadeite dodges, as expected, but it keeps him in place long enough that by the time the planes start moving again, he doesn't have time to run.

It turns out death by planes isn't just embarrassing. It's pretty gross too. Well, at least Tuxedo Mask is still alive, Usagi figures, because that's enough for her. 

All the nighttime activity's put her seriously in shape, and she can keep up with Mamoru real easy now, which is actually pretty satisfying. 

“I feel like I never see you anymore,” he says, leaning against the rail at the lookout over the lake in the park. It's so pretty here, and Usagi's always dreamed about bringing Motoki out with her in a little boat one of these days. Curse her luck that he just has to have that long term girlfriend of his. “What've you been up to?”

She shrugs. She shrugs a lot around him these days. “Stuff,” she answers. “I became friends with this girl named Ami and she's friends with this girl named Rei from a different school and I don't know. The only girl friend I've ever had was Naru.”

When she was younger, Mamoru used to be the only person who told her she could maybe pull off something more than her good little housewife aspiration in life. What would he do if he knew her lackluster ambition was replaced by the goal of just managing to survive? Ami's already talking about all of them maybe getting an apartment together in two years once school's done, that it'll be easier that way. So much for the marriage at eighteen idea he always said was bullshit. 

“You should introduce us some time,” he says. “Motoki already knows Ami. It's unfair that he's got a one up on me.”

“That's because he's nicer than you.”

“You wish.”

She flicks a leaf at him. “One of these days,” she tells him. “Don't worry, Mamoru, I'm not forgetting about you any time soon. I've hit you in the back of the head with my shoe too many times for that.”

With a laugh, he says, “Yeah, I know. My head remembers that, too, dumpling head,” and puts his arm around her. “We're walking back, got it? You're way too fast for someone who has such short legs. It's unnatural.”

Oh, he doesn't know the half of it. She doesn't like all these secrets—not from him, or Motoki, or Naru. Oddly it's her family she minds the least, though it would easier talking to Luna if they knew. “You're just jealous.”

“Of you?” he answers. “Come back and say that to me again once you stop bunching up your hair like this.”

Rolling her eyes, Usagi says, “Buy me lunch and I'll pretend you never said it.”

He agrees buys her lunch, because that's just the type of guy Mamoru is. They split the bill anyway.  

Sometimes Usagi can be kind of dense (or, okay, a lot of times), but she knows enough about girls and boys to see Rei's looking a little too closely at Mamoru. “Back off,” she says, cornering Rei before she can ambush him on a random street corner in a way that Usagi is going to hypocritically call stalkerish. “Mamoru's got enough to worry about without you trying to date him.”

Rei twists around to look at her, elastic grin already on her face, and Usagi loves the girl to the end of the universe and back, but she is truly evil. Their enemies could learn a thing or two watching her. “Motoki said you weren't interested,” she tells her, and Usagi feels her cheeks go red. “Oh, you are?”

“N-no...”

“So you are interested!” Rei says, overly excited. “Oh Mars, Usagi, does he know?”

This is so not happening, Usagi thinks, but doesn't need to do the pinch test to know this isn't some horrible nightmare. “We aren't like that,” she says quickly. “It's totally possible for me to have a friend who's a guy that I'm not interested in, you know. No, I just don't want him tangled up in this stuff because he's dating one of us.”

“And being ‘friends’ isn't tangled up enough already?” She huffs in annoyance, crosses her arms, and Rei waves her hand in dismissal before she turns to walk in the opposite direction. “Fine, I'll back off. But I'm not doing it for him.”

Dense or not, Usagi gets the implication: this is so she'll admit that she wants him instead. Well, tough. She might admit he's dead attractive, but she likes Motoki, not Mamoru. Still, it gets Rei to back off, and that's what matters. 

“How'd you know using the mirror would work?” Ami asks after she gets them out of the photos, and if it weren't for Naru saying they should do this together as friends, the three of them wouldn't have known to be here. 

She answers, “I figured taking a picture of her own reflection would be like taking a picture of herself, but it was more of a lucky guess than anything else,” and strips out of her clothes inside the cubicle to change into the ones she came in. “Hey, are either of you up for a shopping trip? This whole bow solution just isn't working for me.”

Actually, she needs to do a wardrobe update in general, she realizes, because all the physical activity as Sailor Moon and her training made her drop a lot of weight and she wasn't all that big to begin with. Rei says, “Do you mean you risked all our lives on a guess?”

“She trusted her instincts,” Luna says before she can answer. “Sailor Moon did very well today on her own.”

Unlike all those manga and American comic books, there's no real difference between their everyday selves and who they are as Sailor Scouts, but she'd never wear anything like her uniform in public. Mom would murder her before she could blink. “At least someone appreciates me,” she says, and thankfully Rei must realize she's joking because she doesn't snap anything back. 

Sometimes she really wonders how the three of them ever get anything done at all. 

It's Rei who decides they need more than magic powers in a fight (in case they get cornered, which happens), and even Usagi knows she has a point, so they get a whole bunch of VHS tapes on karate and try to teach themselves how to it. They do it both transformed and not transformed, learning new moves then sparring together, and it doesn't take long before Mom's asking where the bruises came from.

“I signed up for a dance class with Rei and Ami,” she lies, which is a better excuse than a karate course. “I was going to tell you, but I'm such a klutz that I'm the worst in the class and it's just embarrassing.”

Mom pats her shoulder sympathetically, right on a scrape where she landed on the shrine's stone ground. They're all the best and worst in different areas, but she wasn't lying about being a klutz. She fastest, but she definitely falls more than the others. “When you get better, will you show me?” Mom asks. “Is there going to be a recital?”

She shakes her head. “Beginners don't do recitals.” 

“Oh. That's a shame.”

Before leaving the room, Mom adds that she should be careful. Usagi swears that she will, but the moment her mom's gone, the communicator goes off and she's breaking promises already. 

All the letters are exactly the same to the point they could've been printed or gone through a copy machine, but they all feel handwritten. Since Rei's sick, they've got her up on the communicator, so it's just Usagi, Luna, and Ami today. “You can't see it, but they're all perfect copies of each other,” Ami says, looking at their friend's face in the little circle. “My readings show their molecular structure is all identical, too.”

Usagi flips hers over in her hand, back and forth. “Tuxedo Mask doesn't know any of our identities,” she says. “Did they really think this was going to work?” If she'd found out who she was two years ago, maybe, when her head was filled with nothing but boys and fairy tales, but she's sixteen now and that's more than enough time to grow up. And even if she wasn't smarter than this, Amy sure is. 

“We need to do something about it,” Rei says, or tries to say, because the end of her sentence is swallowed by a cough. “Oh, this is just ridiculous.”

She says it like ridiculousness is something new for them. Still, Usagi doesn't remember a time in her life where she'd ever been sick and until now, she'd assumed it was the same for them. Apparently not. “At least one girl is going to fall for this, and the Dark Kingdom will think that girl is me,” she says. “Rei, if you go, you'll only make yourself worse. Ami, I'll enter through the front doors and you can circle in from a different entrance—the roof, maybe. Whoever Jadeite’s replacement is might run if a Sailor Scout other than me shows up, or if we show up together.”

Though she fights dirty sometimes, the Dark Kingdom fights dirtier, she reminds herself. “You're going to get yourself killed,” Rei says bluntly before their friend can do anything. “Ami, tell her she'll get herself killed.”

“It might be our only shot,” Ami answers, and sounds guilty for it. “I'll come in from the roof. Maybe the real Tuxedo Mask will even show up and help. I don't know about you two, but I would be very mad if someone was pretending to me.”

Even though the thought of someone impersonating any of them hadn't crossed her mind yet, Usagi knows Ami's right; she'd be totally pissed off if someone else said she was Sailor Moon. Because, hello, alter ego or not, that's still her, still a pretty significant part of who she is. She might not know Tuxedo Mask, but she assumes it's probably the same thing. “See you after your cram school, then,” she tells her friend, and stands. “Mom said she wanted to teach me how to cook today and I can't skip that anyway.”

Rei laughs, the sound hoarse, and says, “Don't try to burn the house down! Ami won't be there to put it out, and I won't be there to save you,” so Usagi just pretends to scowl and hangs up on her. As much as they fight, she really does love the girl as much as she loves Ami. They're like the sisters she never had in a way that, though it's horrible to admit, Naru never was. 

“Really do try to avoid getting killed before I can save you,” Ami says before she leaves, and hugs her tight goodbye. “I'll see you tonight.”

So her life's a little crazy, but Usagi's learned to love it anyway. 

She gets into the ball thing pretending to be a photographer like her dad, wearing some fancy silk dress she would never be able to afford in real life, and her long hair twisted back into braids. Luna gives her this weird look of nostalgia before bounding away to find Ami and Rei, since it's not like a cat can come inside. Usagi spends the night watching Naru and dodging her father, who still manages to take a couple of pictures of her, and she finds it weird that he doesn't recognize her. 

Even though she expects that to be her whole night, it doesn't stay that way for long. One second she's off against the wall, and the next someone's sweeping her off onto the dance floor. She's about to tell the person to back off, that touching someone you don't know without warning is rude, but when she looks up it's Tuxedo Mask, which makes him not such a stranger after all. “Hi,” she says, and feels like an idiot immediately. Stupid, stupid, stupid. “I didn't expect to see you here.”

The music's continuing, but everyone else has stopped, watching them, with all the camera people taking pictures, which unfortunately includes her father. “Is that the princess?” she hears woman say, but the answer is overlapped by Tuxedo Mask saying, “You're in danger. I'll always be here when you need help.”

By now she's learned she can do pretty well on her own, or at least just her and her friends, but while she's dumb in a lot of ways, she's not dumb enough to turn down help. “So is it true?” she asks. “Are these jewels the Silver Crystal thing everyone's talking about?”

“I don't know,” he answers, and if they weren't surrounded by a whole bunch of people, she'd be tempted to reach up and take off his mask because yeah, he really looks like Mamoru around the mouth and kind of sounds like him, too. “But I do know we're not the only two who're curious.”

“Nephrite?”

“Probably.”

He spins her around and thank the Moon for this pen, or she'd be on her ass by now with her tailbone burning in pain. “Someone who knows the other me is getting too close right now,” she says, because she just got a full view of her father with his camera glued to his eye. “If I told you to kiss me to hide my face, would you do it?”

If he really is Mamoru, she's never going to live this down, like, ever, but it's so worth the risk. She expects him to say now's not the time for flirting, or that he doesn't believe her, or that maybe just to leave her altogether, but instead he leans down and presses his lips to hers. 

Her stupid happiness lasts all of a minute, because then the Dark Kingdom is there to interrupt it, and steal her attention away. 

After fighting off Nephrite and dropping Naru back home still unconscious (they lied to her mom as the dependable, famous Sailor Scouts, telling her Naru was mind controlled so the girl wouldn't get in trouble), they're all aching and roughed up from the fight. “I know she's your friend,” Rei says when they get back to the shrine and both Ami and Usagi call their parents saying they missed the final bus and decided to stay over, “but if I ever do something like that, I give you full permission in advance to slap me in the face.”

Usagi's pretty sure that Nephrite broke her rib, so even back to normal like this, it's still bruised. If Mom catches her changing or coming out of the bathroom again, she's screwed. “Which part?” she asks, and strips out of her school uniform to accept the pajamas Rei holds out to her. All three of them have clothes at everyone else's houses on the off chance they're too tired to make it home. “These are Ami's.”

“Oh, sorry,” Rei says, and switches the nightgown for the pants and shirt. “And, well, everything. I mean, she stole from her mom even after you told her he's bad news. I go behind my grandpa's back for this, sure, but I'd never do anything to hurt him.”

Ever since they were like five, she and Naru had been The Best of Friends, but after this, Usagi just doesn't know if she'll be able to look at the other girl the same way again. Yeah, love's a powerful motivator, she gets that. She's had a crush on Motoki for a long enough time to know it, and she's at least ninety percent sure she's got more than a crush on Tuxedo Mask, but she'd never hurt anyone else for their sakes. Naru was always considered the sensible out of the two of them, since Usagi has her head in the clouds, but now she's starting to think that isn't so true anymore. If Motoki or Tuxedo Mask asked her to hurt someone else she loved like that, or do something that was just flat out wrong, then clearly they wouldn't be the people she thought they were and therefore not worth her time. 

Obviously Ami and Rei agree. 

When Usagi says, “She'll see sense eventually,” it's more wishful thinking than anything else. “Tomorrow we don't have school. Ami, are you willing to take a couple hours away from studying to catch a movie?”

She doesn't bother asking Rei, because for all their bitching, she knows the girl will jump on the chance to hang out, and Ami says that yeah, she'll come too. They spend the next hour arguing over what to see before they all finally drift off to sleep, no conclusion reached. 

Nephrite dies, and it's so depressing that none of them know what to do. “I lost someone very special to me,” Naru tells her when she swings by the see how her friend in doing, and Usagi feels awkward because she has to pretend like she wasn't there helping instigate it. “The boyfriend I told you about. The one that was older than us.”

As she thought would happen, she really can't look at the other girl the same way again. The one that was older than us. She wonders if Naru has any idea how true that actually is. “I'm sorry,” Usagi says sincerely because she doesn't like to see anyone, particularly friends, in pain. “I'll bring your homework over until you think you can make it back to school.”

Even though it probably it's probably weird not to, she doesn't ask how this “boyfriend” died. She doesn't want to make Naru lie to her, and she can't readily believe her if her friend tells the truth. She doesn't know how to act all that sympathetic about it, either, and she's always been the most compassionate out of everyone she knows. Maybe that's the biggest problem with this whole thing, period. 

A little while later she leaves, and she hasn't felt this guilty in a long, long time. 

By now, they've come into their own awesome dynamic no one else understands, her, Ami, and Rei. Makoto, or Sailor Jupiter, does nothing to interrupt it. 

“You spar?” she says at her first training session at the shrine while Rei’s grandpa's out to town. “Where have you been all my life?”

Usagi grins, and throws one arm around Rei, and the other around Ami. “Halfway across Tokyo, of course.”

Really, this whole Sailor Scout thing is a dangerous gig, but she really kind of adores what comes out of it. These guys are like everything she's ever wanted without realizing it, and she's noticed by now that it's the same for them. They've all gone through life knowing something's missing and now they've found it, and she can see from Mako's face that this is the moment where it really dawns on her that this weird little...whatever is exactly what she's been lost without. “I bet I can show you some stuff that wasn't on VHS tapes,” she says, clearly excited. “When you said training, I was expecting the gym.”

“We aren't really gym people,” Rei says, and pulls on a t-shirt.  “Ever since I learned who I was, I've started more than a few fires by getting frustrated. Ami backed up the plumbing in her house twice already.”

“There was a random power outage at my house yesterday,” Mako says. “You think that could've been me?”

Unlike the other girls, Usagi doesn't do anything, which is probably a good thing considering she's got the worst emotional control out of all of them. She's not even sure what she has power over, exactly, because it definitely isn't anything as cool as water, fire, or electricity. “Most likely,” Ami answers. “Who we are the Sailor Scouts and who we are now aren't separate, so we overlap sometimes. Do you want to sit back and watch the first round, or should we pair two to two?”

Mako says she wants to jump right into it, so she goes with Rei, and Usagi goes with Ami. They blast silly pop music loud enough to disguise any unpleasant noises, and it's totally unfair that the new girl is better than all of them already. 

The Moon Stick. Usagi is pretty sure she could think of a better name for some of these things.  “I'm sewing in another pocket for this,” she says, looking it over and hoping the pointy ends don't leave holes in the fabric because she's not looking to update her wardrobe anymore than she already has, or to add patches to anything. Patches are just so out of style. “Are you serious about wielding this making me leader?”

She doesn't want to lead, not really, even if she's kind of been doing that all along as the oldest team member. But even in terms of just solar system placement, the Moon's not even a real planet. Ami should be leader—she's the smart one, and she actually controls something useful. Unfortunately, Luna answers, “You are Sailor Moon, Usagi. No one can control that as well as you, and the Moon Stick is the symbol of power within the team.”

“You know, Moon Stick sounds kind of dirty,” Mako says, voicing what everyone here is obviously thinking because, uh, how can they not? It has the word stick in the title. You really can't get more innuendo-ish than that. “But, whatever, I'm okay with you as leader. I know I haven't been here very long, but I honestly assumed you already were.”

Even though she should probably be totally flattered by that, Usagi's too nervous about the Big Decision to really think about it. Surprisingly it's Rei and not Ami who says, “And you came first by how many months? It's only practical.”

Ami's smiling and before Usagi can say anything, her friend finishes, “So are we all in favor of having her as leader?” and her whole team agrees. Oh, this is so embarrassing. Definitely the definition of a compliment, but still undeniably embarrassing. “Usagi?”

“Fine,” she says, giving in. “I'll do it.”

“Then we've come to a unanimous decision,” Luna says, sounding all sophisticated. “Sailor Moon is our official leader—of this team, and any Sailor Scouts that follow.”

That sounds ominous. Incredibly, so totally ominous, but she loves the rest of them, so Usagi assumes she'll love anyone else who comes along, too. 

“Hey, girls, I'm sorry, but I have to skip out on the meeting today,” she says into her communicator, connected through Rei's. “I know that's bad as leader, but I got an urgent call from Naru, and I've been a really horrible friend to her lately.”

No one's really clear, all jostling to be seen through the small screen. “We understand,” Ami says, because she was there, and she saw it, and Usagi really doesn't like the way this is turning out. “One of us will fill you in later. Luna, probably.”

Best friends in this world, and the old one, no doubt about it. Blowing off her first important team meeting as official leader isn't the best idea, but Naru's been there for her through everything over the past ten years; Usagi might not agree with the girl's decisions, but she owes her this much. “Thanks,” she says. “I'm all prepared and everything in case anything happens. Don't hesitate to call if, you know, the Dark Kingdom decides now's the perfect time to show its ugly face.”

“Same to you,” Rei tells her. “If you can't transform in front of lover girl, you're going to need us to bail you out. And knowing your luck, someone will, so watch your back because I'm not crying at your funeral.”

“What? And like I'd cry at yours?” She's smiling now, though, which would be weird to anything else, but this is Rei. They can say whatever they want to each other no matter how mean, basically. “Anyway, I've got to go. I'm right outside her house.”

All three of them wish her luck at once, so she shoots the sentiment right back at them. Naru comes back just as she pockets her communicator next to her transformation pen, still sad but less than last time, and Usagi hopes that today won't go too terrible. 

Of course, it does. Later, she's in her room with Luna and Mako for company, the locket Tuxedo Mask dropped open and playing its song in her hand. 

“It's pretty,” Mako says, toweling off her hair. Mom and Dad have stopped acting like it's so strange that she suddenly has friends besides Naru that actually sleep over sometimes. And it's awfully convenient for the youma to keep attacking the night before their one day off from school. “I wonder where he got it.”

With a shrug, Usagi says, “I'm not questioning it. It makes me feel, I don't know, really nostalgic. Like I'm forgetting something super important.”

Luna stops her licking suddenly, frozen in place, and the look she's fixed Usagi with can only be described as suspicious. Smiling all evilly, Mako says, “Maybe the two of you were, like, in love or something. We are all reincarnated, so it makes sense, right?”

Well, actually, that would make sense, Usagi supposes. She did trust him freaky fast, for one, and he keeps saving her without understanding why he does it (or so he says). Actually, that ups the possibility of him being Mamoru, the whole reincarnation amnesia thing, because he and Tuxedo Mask really do look alive and that would explain why they hold themselves differently. Hm. It's worth looking into, she figures. If it is him, and she can get him to remember, then he won't need to crystals and they won't be fighting each other anymore. Problem solved. 

Instead of saying all of this, she answers, “I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually,” and shuts the locket. 

First she models with Mamoru, which is fun if not a bit awkward, and then she has even more awkward conversation with Tuxedo Mask at a construction site. It would've been a perfect moment to unmask him and see if she's right, but something stops her. For some reason, it feels like the timing isn't right. 

He smiles at her the next day when they hanging out, slips an arm around her shoulders and pulls her with him into the arcade to visit Motoki. “What's that?” he asks, noticing the star locket she has around her neck. 

“Nothing,” she answers, and knows the moment she says that it's a lot more than that. 

This isn't the first time Usagi's hung out with Motoki where Reika's been around. It's just the first time they've done something where she hasn't felt the stabbing pains of jealousy. Maybe this means she's growing up, maybe it means her feelings for her masked ally/enemy are getting a little more serious. More likely it means she just saved the girl from turning into a youma forever and is more relieved than anything else. 

Mako's here too, and she made them all dinner, which is awesome because she's a way better cook than Mom. “So, you're definitely going to Africa, then?” she says to Reika, and Usagi stabs at her dumpling. 

Putting her hand over Motoki's, Reika answers, “It's only for one semester, and it's a great opportunity for future careers. I don't know why I wouldn't.”

Honestly, Usagi thought getting turned into a monster originating from a different world would be a pretty big downer, but if the other girl can rise above that, then hey, all the more power to her. Like, that takes some serious compartmentalizing skills. “We can always call each other,” Motoki adds, and Usagi waits for the familiar dull heartbreak, but it doesn't come. “Or send each other mail. It's not like we'll be completely cut off.”

Mamoru bumps his knee against hers under the table, but she can’t tell whether or not it’s an accident. “Sounds great, Reika,” he says. “Make sure to take pictures.”

Much too enthusiastically for someone who was just turned into a monster and back, Reika agrees, and Usagi still feels nothing resembling heartbreak.

Since Rei had that five second crush on Mamoru, and it was her grandfather that Dark Kingdom attacked, and Ami is clueless about anything involving boys, Usagi goes to Mako about her Tuxedo Mask dilemma.

“Try talking to him as Mamoru,” Mako says when she finishes. “Maybe if you play that song on his locket he’ll remember something and be able to tell you.”

That sounds like a pretty good idea. Usagi looks down at the locket around her neck, and thinks it’s about time she puts it to better use than playing it as some sort of lullaby. “So much matches up that it’s just got to be him,” she says. “And I just don’t want to fight against him anymore. I liked it better when he was an ally.”

Saying it out loud like that, she realizes how insane she sounds. Thankfully, Mako just pats her on the shoulder sympathetically, like she doesn’t think Usagi harboring feelings for her friend/masked ally/possible masked enemy is totally weird. “Talk to him,” Mako says again. “The worst that could happen is he doesn’t recognize the song, and it turns out Tuxedo Mask is his evil twin.”

Though that doesn’t make her feel much better, it’s probably the best idea she’s going to get, and it’s better than inactivity. So she says that all right, she will, and hopes this isn’t a complete disaster.

Unfortunately, that chance to talk never comes. First, there’s a cat and a crystal, and then there’s Luna telling them she’s from the Moon Kingdom. Of course, she’s mentioned this before, but this is the full story. Supposedly. Something still feels off. “So, since I’m Sailor Moon,” Usagi says, “does that mean I used to be the Princess’ personal guard or something?”

There’s a really obvious pause before Luna answers, “My memories still aren’t here in full, clearly, or I would be able to recognize her on sight, but that’s what I suspect. In your past life, you must have been the captain of the Princess’ guard.”

Well, that explains her obsession with Usagi, Leader of Everything, when she has the leadership  qualities of the snail. “What about us?” Rei asks. “We were on the guard, too?”

“Yes,” Luna says, and sounds way more certain this time. “The Sailor Scouts were sworn to protect the royal family. That’s why you were all sent here, to live normal lives.”

If this was some ancient queen’s idea of “normal,” then Usagi needs to find a time machine and explain a few things to her. Because running around at night in a miniskirt fighting off evil creatures trying to take over the earth by harvesting energy? So not normal.

Still, if she was leader of the guard, and everyone else was on the guard, that would explain why they all felt like they belonged with each other. “How many other Sailor Scouts are there?” Mako says, and Ami adds, “Four? Or more than the planetary system?”

Another long pause. Then, “There was no Sailor Earth, but there was a Venus, Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto, yes. And others, of course, but Sailor Scouts were a very small number comprised of only the best, deployed in times of great need.”

Before Usagi can say anything, Rei’s grandfather shouts for her from inside the shrine, and the meeting is over.

Back when Nephrite was imitating Tuxedo Mask, Usagi said she’d get really mad if someone did the same thing to her. Now someone actually did do the same thing to her. The irony isn’t lost on her at all.

When it turns out to be a trap, she’s not surprised. Instead, she just feels like an idiot for not dodging it better. And if it weren’t for the new girl, she’d be running through the streets right now, searching out Tuxedo Mask, because he was definitely injured. “I’m Usagi, or Sailor Moon, I guess,” she says, and feels awkward because she’s never actually introduced herself while looking like this before, but she’s leader, so she probably should. “This is Ami, Sailor Mercury, Rei, Sailor Mars, and Mako, Sailor Jupiter.”

Sailor Venus smiles, and gives them all a hug, saying, “I’m Aino Minako. Call me Mina. I’ve been trying to get with you guys for months, but it’s too late every time I show up.”

“We knew there were others,” Ami says, “but usually Usagi needs to find us instead of the other way around. How did you break the force field?”

It was embarrassing how easily they got caught, and Usagi’s whole body is still sore from that thing. Tomorrow she’ll go check out Mamoru, see if he’s injured, because if he is, then he’s definitely who she thinks he is. “With this,” Mina answers, and holds up her glasses. “I use it to channel my crescent beam. It’s pure light energy, so it cancels out dark energy.”

Oh, so she knows what hers is too. “Well, thanks,” Rei says. “Your timing was perfect.”

“Are we having a meeting about this tomorrow?” says Ami, and looks to Usagi. “We should probably have a meeting about this.”

Since Ami’s right, like she usually is because she’d make an actual good leader, Usagi asks their new Scout, “Are you free around four?”

Mina says she is, so they give her the address to Rei’s, and call it a night. It’s way past twelve, and a school night, and if Mom catches her out of bed, Usagi will be grounded for life.

The way Usagi figured, she’d have time to visit Mamoru between school and the meeting, but that wasn’t supposed to end up with them locked in some alternate dimension all because she was right. “Whatever happens when we reach the top,” she tells him as the elevator continues to climb, “just stay behind me. You’re hurt, and I’ll handle it.”

For a moment, he just sort of stares at her. Then he says, “You’re fucking kidding me,” and she knows it clicked for him, too. Maybe if it weren’t for the amnesia and the whatever that makes people not realize it’s her, they would’ve figured this out earlier.

With a shrug, she says, “Moon Prism Power Make-Up,” and one second she’s Tsukino Usagi and the next she’s Sailor Moon. “And you’re Tuxedo Mask. I watched you get that last night.”

He nods, still looking at her like she grew another head, not magically changed outfits. “Mostly it’s just blackouts, but I remember bits and pieces,” he answers. “Why do you look different than you normally do?”

“Because now you know who I am, so you’re seeing me as me,” she says, which is something Ami put together way back before they ended up finding Rei. “Mamoru, do—”

The elevator grinds to a halt. “Sailor Moon,” Zosite’s voice comes from behind her, “you really just can’t stay away, can you?”

Oh, they are so screwed, she thinks, and readies herself for a fight anyway.

It doesn’t come.

Once upon a time there was a princess named Serenity who was training to be Queen one day. But to be Queen she needed a husband, one that would live for as long as her, and humans have such tragically short little lives.

Prince Endymion of one of Earth’s kingdoms captures the Princess’ heart within days of meeting each other. “We can find a way,” he says, hidden away with her in one of the gardens now overflowing with roses grown from the seeds his father once brought as a gift. “Here, or on Earth, or in the center of a star, I don’t know, but we will find a way.”

And this Princess, this stupid little girl, believes him, because they’re young and in love and that means nothing will ever go wrong.

So this is the problem: Princess Serenity died at one hundred seven. Usagi’s human brain isn’t supposed to handle that many memories flooding in at once. Though Luna and Artemis seem to get it, the other girls don’t, and she knows she’s coming across like such a wimp right now, but it’s hard not to when half of her is playing hand games with a mom she watched sacrifice herself for the everywhere else’s safety, and the other half just trying to stay awake long enough to get out of this pocket dimension.

Even when she’s a little too close to crazy for her own comfort, though, she can still tell the moment where Rei’s about to go off on her. “Stop,” Ami snaps before that can happen. “Just give her a minute.”

When Mamoru, Prince Endymion, whatever she’s supposed to call him now, asked to marry her, they were going to rule his kingdom together first while they looked for a way to extend a human lifetime. He could have gone back to Earth, he could have let her mother sacrifice herself and find himself a new queen—but he gave it up, for her, on foreign territory, when her parents disapproved of him already. Now he guarded her again, got injured for it, and is gone. Either dead or worse. And it’s all her fault, again.

It’s always all her fault.

“I feel sick,” she says suddenly, realizing she does, and curls up in a ball where she is.

Before she can tell them to go on ahead without her, to keep going so she won’t get anyone else killed just because she’s too weak to care of herself, Mako reaches down and throws her over her back. When they lived in Moon Kingdom, they did this all the time as kids, except that was to steal food from the palace kitchen’s counters too high to reach on their own. “We’ll get you out of here, Usagi,” she says. “Ami, lead the way.”

Ami nods, looks down at her computer, and points to the right. “That’s fastest.”

With Usagi basically useless, they move slower than normal, but at least they move. Outside of occasional directions, they don’t talk, and for once, she says nothing at all.

She’s moping, and she knows it. But she doesn’t stop. “Not all of them are clear, but it’s like I have more memories of being Princess Serenity than I do Usagi,” she tells Ami and Mina when they meet up for a run. Neither Rei nor Mako were available, unfortunately, but since it’s just the three of them, they decided to take a bus to the ocean instead of using the park. “I guess the only good thing is that I’m suddenly not terrible at algebra.”

And that really is the only good thing. This morning she looked at her mom and it was like she didn’t even know her. “I might just be an adjustment thing,” Mina says, and Ami wraps her arm around her shoulders. “You know, like your mind’s recalibrating itself or something. I mean, we all got our memories back, but yours came back at a worse time.”

“Losing Mamoru probably didn’t make it any better,” Ami says, and then quickly stutters out, “Sorry, that was insensitive.”

Usagi smiles, though it doesn’t come out as happy as she’d like it to, and covers her friend’s hand with hers. “It’s all right. That’s probably why, anyway,” she says. “Don’t worry, girls, I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Both of them look at her with wide eyes, and the sympathy is so blatant it hurts.

When she lost Mamoru, she thought “dead or worse,” and apparently the answer to “what if?” is “worse.”

“There’s no way he’s doing this on his own. They have to be forcing him,” Rei says, crossing her arms and taking a seat on her stone steps.

For some reason, this actually isn’t making Usagi feel more depressed or anything. It’s just making her mad. “No, it’s more than that,” she says. “This has to be mind control or something. By this point, the Dark Kingdom has already proved they’d do anything, so I totally wouldn’t put it past them.”

Nodding, Ami says, “I don’t think there’s any way to force him into attacking us like that—attacking Usagi. Especially since he got his memories back, too. But using him makes sense. We’re less likely to attack a friend.”

While Usagi really doesn’t want to hurt Mamoru ever, that same rule won’t apply to anyone else working for the Dark Kingdom. For the first time, she can honestly say she wants it to be painful for someone she needs to defend herself against. They’ve gone after her and her friends enough. This is just one time too many. Sure, she’s angry, but she has full right to be.

“We’ll get him back,” she says, and means it. “We have to.”

She’s already watched him die once. She’s not going to waste her second chance by doing that again.

Trapping the girl with fire powers in a snow ditch really was a bad idea on their parts. “I swear, it’s like they’re getting dumber,” Rei says, rolling her eyes, and reaches down to help Usagi up from the top of the blasted down ice wall. “Like, seriously? They thought this was going to work?”

The sun is starting to set, and their skis are still down there, but at least they’re out. Really, they were only trapped there for like ten minutes. “The youma didn’t even have enough time to catch up with us,” Usagi says, and shakes snow out of her hair. “Come on, let’s head back. Maybe if we’re lucky, we won’t have to fight out here.”

“If we’re stuck fighting out here, I’m fighting as Rei,” her friend says, and she absolutely agrees. “I’m not putting myself in that outfit when it’s not like there’s even anyone around to see us.”

Unlike Rei, Usagi doesn’t have a higher body temperature thanks to fire powers, so it’s even worse for her. Of all the people who should be good at skiing, realistically it should’ve been Ami, but whatever. Usagi didn’t totally suck at it, so that was cool. “Same,” she says. “We should’ve thought this through.”

“No, they should have thought this through. Haven’t they done enough without ruining our vacation?”

It’s way too cold out here, especially with it getting dark, and if only they’d been able to get their skis. As it is, Usagi supposes she should just be thankful they know the right direction. “For now on, we’re only vacationing at places with reasonable weather,” she answers, teeth chattering. “And this seemed like such a fun idea, too.”

When they’re just out of sight of the ditch, they hear a strangled shout of anger. “Time to run?” Rei says, and Usagi agrees.

Halfway down the mountain the youma catches up to them, and even untransformed, it takes all of fifteen minutes to defeat her. Whoever this new guy is their up against is an amateur, obviously, and Usagi and her Sailor Scouts will show him soon enough not to underestimate them.

“Okay, I’ve figured it out,” Rei says, out of breath, with her hands on her knees and whole body shaking from the strain. “We stay away from anything involving winter sports.”

If it weren’t for all the bystanders they needed to get out of there, this wouldn’t have been hard. And if it weren’t for all the bystanders, Mamoru wouldn’t have helped. “I second that,” Mina says, and slumps down against the outside wall of the ice rink. “Anyone else here up for hot chocolate and movie marathon therapy at my place?”

After running into Mamoru, anything’s better than going home. “Definitely,” Usagi answers and Ami says, “I’ll need to bring my school books, though.”

“This isn’t fair,” Mako says suddenly, and they all look over to her. Her mouth is turned down at the edges, her arms crossed. “I was finally good at something other than fighting, and I almost got killed because of it.”

Despite Rei’s probably very good idea of avoiding sports for good, Usagi says, “We’ll come back. You can show me how to do it,” because she can’t stand her friend looking disappointed. “For someone who’s supposed to be so great, I sure did suck at it.”

That gets Mako to crack a smile, even if it’s a small one. “I’m sure you’ll pick it up after a few lessons, but we’re finding a different rink,” she says, and taps the wall with her fist. “What a waste of a Saturday afternoon.”

“Our Saturday afternoons are almost always terrible,” Rei points out. “Come on. If we get to the video store early enough, we might be able to find a few decent movies for once.”

As they leave, Usagi watches as Mako gives one last, sad look at the ice skating rink, and knows exactly how her friend feels.

Getting over heartbreak by going to a hot spring sounds like a good idea, as long as the heartbreak doesn’t involve reincarnation, a brainwashed love of your life, and the people who brought you have no idea what’s going on. Running into Mamoru doesn’t make it any better, and realizing he’s looking at her face, her normal every day face, and not recognizing her, hurts so badly even her family notices.

Now Mamoru’s been gone a day, and they’re all packing to leave. She wishes her friends had stayed beyond the fight just to stop her parents’ not so discreet looks. “Usagi, sweetie,” her mom says as Dad puts everything in the car, pulling her over to a bench and sitting her down, “I need you to tell me what’s wrong. Something’s been bothering you since even before that…thing showed up, I can see it.”

Clearly her parents have been talking about this, because Dad’s moving slower than usual but not looking their way. “Mamoru is sick,” she answers, deciding to stick as close to the truth as she can. School is stressing her out too, but that wouldn’t work. “I found out right before we left. The fever is high enough he went to the hospital, but I’m sure he’ll be all right by the time we get back.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Mom says, and looks halfway between worried and relieved. Though it was only a couple of times, they’d met. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Shrugging, Usagi says, “I didn’t want to ruin our vacation just because I was worried. I guess that really wouldn’t have mattered, though. This didn’t turn out how we wanted anyway.”

To her surprise, Mom smiles—a small smile, but it’s there—and kisses the side of her head. “You’re always free to talk to me about anything, no matter what’s going on,” she says. “Especially if it has to do with someone you care about. Just like how nothing could make me not enjoy spending time with all of you. If you want, you can use the phone right away when we get home instead of immediately helping unpack.”

When Usagi smiles too, it’s just as small, and she thinks she has the best mom in the world. She knows a lot that wouldn’t ever say anything like that, and her time as Sailor Moon has made her appreciate stuff like this even more. “I love you,” Usagi says, and her mom pulls her into a tight hug. “Thanks.”

She doesn’t mean about the phone call that won’t go to Mamoru. She isn’t sure if her mom has figured that out, but she got the message across anyway.

Of all her friends, the one Usagi expected Mamoru least likely to attack was Ami, but it’s happened anyway. One of the cuts from his roses is so deep that transforming back doesn’t heal it, but all that matters to her is that her not-boyfriend is safe. For Usagi and the rest, what matters is their friend’s safety.

Right now, that’s even more important than Mamoru.

With medical anything, Rei is the one to go to. They get Ami to the shrine, and their friend breaks out the first-aid kid. “You should have delayed him until we could get there,” Mako says, eyeing the wound on Ami’s leg. “Those roses are lethal.”

Back when he was on their side, Usagi never paid attention to how dangerous they where—how dangerous he was—and now she wishes she had. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Ami says, and then takes a quick glance at Usagi before looking away. “I’m sorry I hurt him, too. He came out of it for a moment.”

Even though it kills her to say it, she tells her friend, “It’s all right. You had to defend yourself, right? And yeah, I noticed. He didn’t recognize me outside of Sailor Moon, though, and he’s still attacking you. I think we need to do more than to try and not draw him into a fight.”

Rei doesn’t stop what she’s doing, but her interest is just as piped as the rest of them, Usagi can tell. Her shoulders are tenser. “This wouldn’t mean you’d be doing anything stupid, would it?”

Normally, Usagi’s leadership doesn’t extend past deciding on meeting times and occasionally calling the shots during a fight, but desperate times call for desperate measures. “One of us needs to get inside the Dark Kingdom and try and do it from the inside,” she says, not looking at any of them. “He won’t be as guarded in there.”

Ami shoots up and Rei just lets her. Both Mina and Mako stare, open mouthed. “I haven’t known you all that long,” Mina says from back against the wall, “but I think I’m still qualified to tell you this is a really bad idea.”

“I have the Silver Crystal. That can heal his mind, not just his body.”

“Yeah,” Mako says, crossing her arms, “and totally might kill you in the process. Are you just forgetting that last time you were practically comatose afterwards?”

If she reawakens Mamoru as Mamoru, or at the very least Tuxedo Mask, he’ll help her get out. But since she doesn’t want to make herself sound that weak, she says, “This is different. I know what to expect this time. And it’ll be safer if they let me in rather than one of us sneaks are way in, or gets trapped.”

This is a genuinely terrible idea and she knows it, but it’s the best she can think of. Rei must get that because, as she forces Ami back down, she asks, “What’s your brilliant plan to make Kunzite just let you walk right in there?”

“We’ll have to stage a break up.” There’s a general cry out in protest, but it’s the only way. “Look, I’m not just doing this because he’s my friend, or because in some other life I was going to marry him, okay? I’m doing it because the Dark Kingdom is dangerous enough already. Take one look at Ami’s side. Think about how easily he used to intervene in our fights. If you remember anything about the first final battle, think about how much he helped. Getting him back means we’re safer, and we have an ally who can actually help.”

There’s a moment of silence. Then Rei says, “She’s right. He’s more dangerous than most of Queen Beryl’s little minions to begin with. It seems like there’s enough left that he won’t risk hurting civilians, but how long until they drill that out of him, too?”

Again, silence. Usagi was telling the truth when she said she was doing this for more than how much she loves him, even now, but that is why she has to be the one who goes in. If he didn’t recognize her as Usagi, then they reverted him to Endymion before brainwashing him. They were willing to give up everything for each other, if that’s what it took. There’s no way that’s completely gone.

“Fine,” Mako says, frowning and her forehead creasing. “Tell us what to do.”

After taking a deep breath, she spells it all out. They like it about as much as she does, but this is the best way. This is the only way, even if infiltration is probably considered a pretty low thing to do.

So sometimes she fights dirty. She justifies it by telling herself the Dark Kingdom fights dirtier.

On the last day, they get into such a bad argument Mako and Ami collectively create a storm. Rei nearly starts a fire, and Mina darkens every light within a mile of where they are. “You think you’re a good leader, but you’re not!” Rei screams, because they’re known to argue the most. “You don’t do anything!”

“Yeah,” Mina says. “I’m sorry, but do you know how hard it is to deal with what a flake you are? It’s only been a month and I’ve already figured out the girls are right!”

Taking a step back, Usagi says, “You’ve been talking about me for that long?” and the hurt in her voice isn’t faked. Even though this was her idea and she knows it’s all an act, this is painful to hear. She knows she’s a bad leader, and hearing it put to words is almost enough to genuinely panic.

Ami crosses her arms. “I’ve been with you since the beginning,” she says, “and you’ve never treated me as anything more than a sidekick. I tried, Sailor Moon, I really did, but I want a leader who knows how to act like our equal. You’ve officially proven you can’t do that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so—I’ll be better, I promise, I—”

Rei waves her apology away, though something flickers across her face that isn’t anger. “Do you think saying you’re sorry is going to make it better? We’ve way beyond that point,” she says, and straightens up. “Besides, we’ve already decided. I’m the new leader.”

All the other girls nod, though Ami’s eyebrows are staring to bend in from concern. “Either you agree to that, too, or you’re out, Sailor Moon,” Rei continues. “I’m better at treating them as real friends, not people to just order around.”

“You agreed! You elected—”

“Opinions change.”

When she doesn’t say whether or not she’s in right away, which they planned, everyone turns their backs and walks away. And when Ami breaks a little and looks back for just a second, Usagi begins to cry.

It might not have been real, but it sure felt like it was, and the hurt it leaves behind isn’t as made up as she thought it would be.

Outside the portal of the Dark Kingdom, she stands in front Kunzite, trying to mix defeated and defiant to the best of her ability. Somewhere far away from here, waiting for her to get them in, Rei has the Silver Crystal. “You know who I was, you all know who I was,” she says, balling her fists up at her side. “Leadership of the Sailor Scouts was my birthright, and they all turned on me. I want to see what they do when they realize I’m not just going to lie down and take it, and even I can’t do that alone.”

His arms aren’t crossed, and he’s not in any sort of defensive position, which means he’s buying this already. “Show me the Silver Crystal, and I’ll believe you,” he tells her. “Otherwise, how do I know this isn’t some trick?”

Coming up with an answer takes quicker thinking than she’s normally capable of, but she needs a reason why it isn’t already with her. “You can’t,” she says, “but I’m not showing you. And come anywhere near me, and I’ll turn you to dust. I’m not risking you taking it and running straight in. When I say I want to work with you, I mean it, and that doesn’t include abandonment.”

Raising an eyebrow, he says, “You’re braver than I thought without your Sailor Scouts backing you up.”

“I was on my own for a long time. If anything, I’m the one who makes them brave. Let’s see how long they last without me,” she answers. “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

She gets that she’s short, but that doesn’t give him the right to stare over her head. His eyes snap back to her faster than she thought they would. “Queen Beryl would be pleased to have someone like you on their side.”

With the closest thing to a smirk as she can manage, she says, “I think you already know that more than just Queen Beryl will be happy to see me.”

His laugh makes her skin crawl. “Oh, oh course, the Prince Endymion and Princess Serenity, reunited at last,” he says. “Very touching. I doubt your little romance will be as…benevolent as you remember it.”

“You and me and the rest of you people will are always going to be suspicious of each other, let’s face it.” She shrugs, like she’s already accepted this as fact. “Me and Endymion? We’ll trust each other. I don’t care what form that trust comes in.”

Again, he laughs. “Oh, Sailor Moon, you really are something special. Queen Beryl would love having you on her team, really,” he says. “If only you were telling the truth.”

Genuinely confused, she asks, “What?”

He points over her shoulder. “I mean you’re friends hidden over there in the bushes.”

Oh—she told them not to for a reason. For this reason. “They aren’t here,” she tells him. “At least not on my orders.” That, at least is true. Maybe what they were saying was true after all. “And if you haven’t noticed, we haven’t had too much trouble attacking each other lately.”

The youma appears faster than she expects, and vines wrap around her neck and body, squeezing tight. “I wish you were telling the truth,” he says again. “If I hadn’t sensed them over there, I would have believed you, to be honest. Unfortunately for you, if they really didn’t care, they wouldn’t have followed you anywhere near me.”

Though she’d managed to get her hand between her vine and her neck, her attempts to tug it away are useless. “They aren’t here,” she manages to get out, though with her throat crushed speaking is hard. “This is pointless, Kunzite!”

“Come out, Sailor Scouts!” he says over her shoulder, ignoring her, and she struggles to breathe. “Hand over the Silver Crystal and I’ll let her live.”

Rei and Ami might know better, but Mako is just as impulsive as Usagi is, and she can’t say for sure that they won’t actually jump out. This is why she said not come. Before she can yell at them not to come out no matter what, there’s a sudden rustle from the bushes, Mina calling, “Let her go!” and Usagi knows there’s no getting out of this.

If Mom really thought everything could be explained in a recording, she was wrong. Usagi preferred it when it was just her memories, thanks. So when Kunzite attacks, she probably goes overboard, but she’s so frustrated she can’t help it.

“You just killed him in one shot,” Ami says, staring at her with wide eyes. “We’ve never done that with one of them before.”

By “one of them” she means one of the guys controlling the youma. “I think he was pretty worn down from earlier anyway,” Usagi says, glancing down at the body. It took a plane to kill Jadeite. “We need to go. Now. Before what happened back then happens again.”

Queen Beryl won’t be this easy, no matter how frustrated she is, but this is it. This is their only chance, and Usagi doesn’t plan on screwing it up.

Before Rei died, Usagi’d almost lost the will to fight. After, she gets it back, coupled by a desperate sort of anger strong enough that she doesn’t care what happens to her in process. Even when they throw Mamoru at her, it isn’t enough to make her break. And she has nothing left to lose at this point, if she fails the world will end anyway, so she isn’t appealing to Endymion when she says, “It’s me, it’s Usagi,” as she side steps an attack. So far he hasn’t given her the time to get out the Silver Crystal.

There’s something on his face for like half a second that means the name stirs up something, but it’s not enough. “We go running in the park near your apartment on Sundays,” she says, and dodging is getting easier with every word. “You call me dumpling head. We hated each other when we first met. I hit you with my shoe. Twice. You help me study for school. We go to Motoki’s arcade, or out to eat, a lot. My mom thinks you’re  a total gentlemen because you don’t have a lot of money but you still pay all the time. We became friends when you found me crying about how I’m not going anywhere in life. Just remember something about Tsukino Usagi, Mamoru.”

His name, or maybe hers, or just something that she said in general, causes enough hesitation that she’s able to get out the Moon Stick. She holds it out in front of her like a weapon, but despite her utter misery at the moment, she channels as much positivity into as she can—how important he is to her, how much she loves him, lazy days in his apartment playing video games and working on homework, that even in this life she’d give up the world for him if she’d had to. A light flies straight out of the Crystal, not in a giant swirl but a single beam, and hits him straight in the forehead.

When he screams, she flinches, but holds on tight. Gradually, the black of his roses turns to red,  and the look in his eyes goes from blank to soft. The light dies on its own, and she runs to him when he falls to his knees, skidding on the snowy ground and crashing into him with everything she has. She can feel how fast his heart is beating, but it’s nothing compared to hers. It takes a moment, but then his arms circle around her, and he’s weak, but his grip is still so hard it hurts. But the good kind of hurt.

“Thank you,” he says into her hair, and she presses her face into his shoulder as she answers, “I love you, too, you idiot.”

Right now, he’s the only person she has left, and she’ll cling on to him until the very end.

The shift from Sailor Moon to Princess Serenity is a natural thing, and a certain calmness washes over her that she’s never felt before, even with the world ending. She feels it, too, when the spirits of the girls gather around her and use what’s left of their power to help. Somewhere below them the world is about to die, but the Silver Crystal is pulsating light, and she isn’t afraid, or miserable, or angry, or anything like that anymore.

For the first time, she just feels at peace with everything that’s happened.

When Queen Beryl dies, she dies screaming. The calmness doesn’t fade, even as Princess Serenity feels the life force she used to power the Crystal unravel itself. If this is the price, then she’s willing to pay it. The world is safe, Queen Beryl is gone, and now she’s about to go too.

She isn’t afraid.

(the next morning, a year earlier, Usagi wakes up to her alarm clock, and remembers nothing)