Archive of Our Own ^beta

As John scrambled around his living room, tidying up the spare couch cushions and scattered remotes, he finds himself growing more nervous than initially intended. Should he light a candle? Dim the lights? How much was too much? He hadn’t done this in years, he was definitely out of practice. His heart hadn’t planned on falling this solid, this fast for Y/N, but he did. And there was no undoing it, no going back from here.

Finding new love may just be one of the purest feelings on the planet. It’s hard to find another experience that makes you feel so hopeful, so cheerful, so happy with the course of life. You begin to find joy in all the little things around you, begin to see yourself in new ways. Falling in love, even the simplest drink of water tastes as if maple syrup, tapped from the finest maple tree, the smallest glance their way bringing the light of a million stars, twinkling in your eyes, nothing in the universe seeming more seamlessly, more flawlessly crafted, than them.

He didn’t believe in love at first sight, it was a concept too perfect. Too faultless, impeccable, a dire contrast to the life he had lived, the things he’d seen thus far. He didn’t think the sin he lived deserved to find happiness, the awful deeds that defined him would never truly erase. They’d always linger, glooming around him, following him to the depths of everything he did, everything he tried to be.

But when Y/N walked into his life, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to see her walk out. She’d gave him the normalcy he so desperately tried to seek, everywhere. Something about her was so inviting, so wholesome. He truly felt she was the first to see the good in him, the man who so desperately wanted to be free from who he had been. A man who wanted not to be remembered by the gruel things his life had succumbed to, whenever, wherever, he inevitably fades away.

Y/N and John were still quite new, still adjusting to the feeling of having each other around, feeling each other in the most unique of bonds. They were still getting used to each other, but one thing they knew, was that they’d keep each other around for a long, long time.

John tried his best to keep his thoughts, his feelings at bay, scared they’d overtake him too soon. But he had already pictured a future with Y/N, the perfect life he’d craved, the life he’d chased. He wanted it all, the white picket fence, the loyal dog, the boy born before the girl, so he could protect his sister from all harm that may threaten her way. The love he didn’t get before; the companionship he’d never received. He wanted it all, with her.

As he smoothed out the lines on the sofas, and made sure each thing was exactly in place, he ran a hand over his slightly sweat coated forehead. It wasn’t as if this was his first date with Y/N, it was far from that actually. They’d been seeing each other for around three months now, making an effort to talk to each other every single day, whether it was just a small text asking how their day was going, or a full blown conversation about things they hadn’t discovered about each other yet. He’d took her out to romantic evenings in the city, she loved the way the lights glimmered in evening air. He’d take her to the park, where they read books together under his favourite oak tree. He’d taken her on long, destination-less drives, where he’d hold her hand as she leaned her head out the window, taking in all the beautiful coastal sights, letting her know he’s close.

However, he’d never properly invited her over for a day in. He had been to her apartment a few times, popping in just to see her gorgeous face. But she had only ever seen his house once, the day she’d come to drop off some goodies she’d baked for him. She didn’t stay long that day, he was due for a job in the city next to town.

This was the first time she’d come to spend time with him in his setting. She’d get to see him in the place he was most vulnerable, the same place he’d spent countless nights lonesome. He had forgot how it felt to have someone else there with him, someone else’s voice to echo in the gray corridors of his not-so-humble abode.

The doorbell ringing sent butterflies quivering through his stomach. She was finally here.

He found himself taking a look at his appearance in the full body mirror by the entrance doorway. He’d never cared much about the way he’d looked before, sometimes letting the scruff of his beard grow wild in all directions. But now, he had someone to look good for. Someone to keep his beard trimmed spick and span for, someone to lather cologne onto his skin for. He straightens out his shirt and jeans, running a hand through his hair. He made sure to ruffle it a little bit, just the way she likes it.

With a finally content sigh, he glides open the bulky wooden door. There she stands, stunning as ever, her hair falling perfectly over her shoulders. The sun had been hitting her seamless skin in all the right places, she looked divine. John may have just felt his breath hitch momentarily at the sight of her. A big smile casts itself on his face, as he brings his arms up to wrap around her waist, pulling her in.

“Hi,” John beams, staring right at her lips. She’s brought her arms around his neck, getting on her tippy toes to reach his lips. They kiss briefly, both grinning into each other’s delicate, tender lips.

“Hi,” she says back. “You look really handsome today. Lucky me.” She grins, gently grazing her thumb over his cheek. John knew he must have blushed three shades deeper in a vibrant pink. There’s no one else that could manage to have this effect on him.

“You look beautiful, Y/N. As always.”

“I didn’t think we we’re going anywhere, so I didn’t dress up too much. I hope this is okay.” She glances down at her attire. She’s got on an oversized sweater and some jeans.

“It’s perfect. We’re not going anywhere, I thought we could watch a movie or something, make lunch at home?” John proposes, as she steps in and he closes the door behind her. Down the hallway, the sound of Dog’s collar rattling comes closer and closer, finding Y/N and John. Dog had met Y/N before a few times. When John took her out to the park on a date, or for a walk around the city, he’d bring Dog along.

“Hi baby, how are you today?” Y/N coos, leaning down to pet him. Y/N and Dog were quite fond of each other already, seeing them together, getting along made John’s heart so warm each time. She would buy Dog new toys often, much to John’s dismay. “He doesn’t need more toys than he already has, Y/N.” John would argue. “But he’s such a good boy!” she’d insist.

–

After brewing some fresh tea for the both of them, John and Y/N sit at the kitchen counter, talking. As they grip their respective mugs in hand, every now and then, their fingers touch each other’s skin, their hands fiddle together. They could talk to each other for hours, if time allowed them. John had never had such an easy time investing himself in someone else before, opening up to anyone else. But Y/N made him feel safe. He knew each thought; each word his lips spoke would be welcomed by her generous heart. She had such an aura to her, so alluring. He could never harm her, despite all the violence that laid on his fingertips, and he knew she’d never harm him.

“So what kinda movie you wanna watch?” John asks, leading her to the living room, where he may or may not have had a minor nervous breakdown before she arrived.

“Oh, anything works for me. Whatever you want.” She smiles, setting herself down on the couch, innocently folding her hands in her lap.

“Hmm, okay. Let’s see what’s on then?” John says, flipping through the channels. When they finally settle on a comedy, John places himself beside her on the couch, close enough so that their legs and shoulders are touching. John was a little out of practice to the whole…relationship thing. It had been so long since he had been in love, or even felt love for someone. He knew he wanted to hold her, but was that okay? That is what lovers do…right? Or did she just want space? John didn’t know what was the appropriate thing to do was. Should he just hold her hand, as they usually did?

As he pulls a knitted blanket from the side of the couch, he drapes it over the both of them. This was okay. He turns his head to see her smiling at him. He almost felt as if she was waiting for something. For him to do something. With a wave of confidence cast over him, he takes her smaller, softer hand in his, entwining both their fingers. She looks down at their connected hands, the way her hand has basically disappeared in his. She chuckles lightly, her lovely voice filling his ears. “You know, I don’t bite, John.”

John is almost awestruck, watching how comfortable she is around him, and in his home. He watches in admiration, as she lightly kisses his shoulder, before leaning her head on his bicep. She brings her arms to wrap around his arm that is holding her hand, tucking herself in. John loves every second of it, her holding onto him, proving to him that she trusts him, she feels safe around him. It may not have been a big deal to most people, but to John, having someone so close, knowing they’re not scared, was so special. It meant the world to him.

John wasn’t hesitant anymore. He slightly shifts his arm, moving it out of her grasp. She lifts her head, brows furrowing as she’s confused. She’s nervous now, did he not want to be held so close? Had she invaded his personal space, gone too far? She swallows lightly, scared she ruined the moment. But when John brings his arm to wrap around her, pulling her into his chest, she feels the smile creep onto her lips once again. John wanted to hold her closer. He kisses the top of her hair as she tucks her head onto his chest, her eyes reverting back to the screen. John brings his other spare hand to connect with her hand once again. They hear Dog pad into the room, waltzing in a few circles before setting himself at John’s feet, for a nap. This was perfect.

–

“This guys a complete idiot. Who even does anything remotely like that?” John huffs, staring intently at the screen. “I would feel stupid even writing this character on script.” John chuckles. However, when Y/N doesn’t reply, he questions why.

“Y/N? Darling?” John’s chest rumbles as he speaks, his coarse voice filling the room. When Y/N doesn’t reply, John leans his head forward, looking down at her.

She’s fallen asleep on his chest.

John felt butterflies in his stomach for the possibly 90^th time that day. Here was the woman of his dreams, asleep, right on him. She felt secure enough, protected enough to doze off. John only holds her tighter, moving the hair that’s fallen in her eyes behind her ears, pressing his lips to her temple. She looked so precious. If he wasn’t sure of it before, he was definitely sure of it now. He was in love with her, and he didn’t think he’d be able to keep from telling her for much longer.

John tries not to stir; he didn’t want to wake her. He’d stay there all day, holding her, giving her a place to rest if he needed to.

Minutes go by, turning into an hour, an hour and a half…and so on. The movie has long finished, and John’s arm has fallen asleep a few times. He’s growing a little uncomfortable, but there’s no way he’s going to wake her. For her, he feels he could endure any pain. This was nothing. He keeps her in place, soothingly rubbing her back every now and then, embedding kisses in her head as his heart desires. Life seemed pretty darn good in this moment.

–

Eventually, two hours in, Y/N’s eyes snap open, as she gently flutters her eyelashes, getting used to the light surrounding. She’s in John living room still, but where’s John? She stirs, before realizing, he’s under her, as his right arm is wrapped around her, and his left hand is holding hers securely, still. She notices John must have pulled the blanket up to drape over her as she slept. He was so considerate.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Did I fall asleep on you?” she questions, voice quiet, as she sits up, looking at him.

“Yeah, actually. About 30 minutes in to the movie.” John smiles.

“How long was I out?” she scratches her head. Her hair is tousled, right on the side that had rested on John’s chest.

“Well, the movie finished about an hour ago.” John chuckles. Y/N’s eyes grow wide, and she gasps lightly.

“John, why didn’t you wake me up! We were supposed to spend time together.” She frowns. “I’m so sorry.” She sighs, rubbing her forehead. “John, you look like you haven’t moved an inch…did you stay like that the entire time?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He says, scratching the back of his head.

Y/N’s eyes grow gloomy, and she feels horrible. “Oh my gosh, baby, you must be so stiff. I’m sorry.” She says, touching his shoulder.

“I’m okay. I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. I really liked it, though.” He smiles, staring into her eyes. As he moves his arm, however, he can’t help but wince at the sudden movement.

“John, please tell me you’re okay.” She grabs his arm, concerned.

“I’m all good, angel.”

Her expression suddenly moves from concerned, to a light, pink hue to blush over her cheeks. Her smile reaches all the way up to her eyes, and they sparkle. “John, did you really just sit still for two hours, just so that I could have a nap?”

John shrugs, unable to hide his dreamy smile. Y/N’s heart grows warm this time, in awe at the man in front of her. This amazing, remarkable, compassionate, gentle, dream of a man. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had fallen to find him, to have him walk into her life, and become such a big part of it so quick.

She brings one of her arms to entwine with his once again, leaning forward, to cup his bearded cheek with the other. She stares at his lips first, and then into his earthy, espresso eyes.

“You’re a good man, John.” She says sincerely, placing a loving, admiration and respect filled kiss onto his cheek. “A really, really good man.” She kisses the corner of his mouth this time.

John can’t help it, the moment is perfect, and she’s so close. They’re so connected in this moment, its picture-perfect.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” He breaths, close to her lips, barely above a whisper. 

“I know I’ve fallen in love with you.” She assures, his cheek still resting in her hand, her thumb grazing the skin under his eye, as she connects their lips, in a searing, honey drenched kiss.