Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Back with another Marco/Ace story! This one has a lot of angst in it. Poor Ace. I put him through the wringer in this one. Mentions of depression, self-harm and panic attacks. Angst with a happy ending. It's shorter than usual, which is fine. Not all my stories have to be 80,000+ words lol. Art done by me. Enjoy~

Ace and Marco met at a bar on Ace's twenty first birthday. Ace was alone, as he didn't have any friends due to self-esteem and self worth issues, so he was drinking by himself, making the funniest faces that had the bartender laughing.

"Never drunk before?" the bartender asked once Ace pushed away his third sample. Ace shook his head, but was having a good time with the bartender, as they were sharing simple conversations that Ace didn't need to commit too much to. The bar was relatively empty, as Ace hadn't wanted to go when it was busy with people.

It was only 7:00, but there were four other people there, drinking in booths and minding their own business quietly. Ace liked the quiet. It didn't bother him as much as when there were many people around, the feeling of being in a crowd of strangers crushing him and causing him to be miserable until he went home and locked himself in his room.

"I'll make you something light and good. Wait a mo'," the bartender said, and got to mixing up a drink that was a pinkish color once served. "Try this," he said, and stuck the small glass in front of Ace. He took a sip of the fruity tasting drink, which was so mild that it didn't taste the rotten way Ace felt alcohol did.

"It's pretty good," Ace said happily, but paced himself with it, even though it barely tasted of booze. He talked with the bartender, telling him it was his birthday and so it was his first time drinking. Ace shrugged with a frown when the bartender asked why he was alone on his birthday.

The young man almost completely shut down at the invasive and depressing question, but the man seemed to understand he'd pushed a button, and asked if Ace had had dinner yet. "No, I'll probably make something when I get home."

"No, since it's your birthday and your first time to an establishment, I'll make you something on the house," the friendly man said, and got to work making a burger. Ace hadn't noticed that the place sold food too, as he'd entered paying attention to how many people were there and if it would make him uncomfortable. Luckily, it didn't, and it was quiet like he'd wanted.

Ace didn't feel or notice another young man, clearly a few years older than Ace, watching him most of the time. Ace hadn't heard his chuckles whenever the birthday boy made a funny face when he tasted separate drinks, none of which he had liked until the bartender made him something special.

So, when he was finished with his burger, he was surprised to have someone sit next to him, but gave him one stool's space between them, which made Ace feel less bothered. That someone wasn't super close to him that he didn't know. "I'll have what you made him," the man with blonde hair said.

Ace admitted he was nice looking, pretty tall, at least half a foot taller than Ace. The man was staring at him, and Ace grew uncomfortable, his face red and wanting the man to stop looking at him. The guy seemed to get the hint and looked away when he got his drink. Ace watched out of the corner of his eye when the guy took a sip and frowned.

"This has no alcohol in it," the blonde man complained. The bartender refuted that and just said that it was the mildest drink they had. Ace blushed at not being able to handle any liquor. He'd always looked forward to his twenty first birthday, but alcohol hadn't lived up to his expectations.

The freckled young man wondered why this guy was here and not spending time with friends and family on New Year's day. Ace's birthday was January 1st. He would have spent it with his mother and brother, who went up to the lake house, but his phobia of leaving the house for going long distances kept him from taking the drive with them.

He had insisted they go and celebrate, and that Ace would be fine alone. Luffy was against it, but knew Ace was right, that he prefered being alone and might not mind being alone on his birthday. They would just celebrate it when they got back. When there were cakes that weren't all themed about New Years or those left over from the Christmas season. They really didn't expect him to go anywhere, but he did. The bar closest to his house. It wasn't far.

"I'm Marco," the man sitting next to them at the bar said. He sounded polite, but Ace fumbled and just said, "Hi, Marco," and didn't give his own name. He was bad at talking to people who took any interest in him. Why did anyone take interest in him anyways? He was worthless and a weirdo who could barely handle leaving the house, unable to get a job due to unchecked and unrelenting anxiety. And the doctor was sure he was developing agoraphobia that got worse every year.

"What's your name?" Marco asked, being surprisingly patient with Ace's obvious awkwardness.

"Um, Ace," the young man said quietly, taking another sip of his extremely mild and tangy drink. Marco replied with a "nice to meet you". He was friendly enough, but Ace wasn't good with interacting with people in general, let alone people he didn't know. But Marco wasn't pushy, and attempted to make small talk with the very obvious awkward man.

It didn't really go anywhere, but Marco persisted until Ace finally gave a real response. The man smiled like he'd won a prize when Ace replied about the shirt he had on, which was really a sleep shirt he hadn't changed out of. Marco chuckled at it. Ace didn't know why it was so funny. Shouldn't not changing your shirt be gross? It wasn't like it was smelly or had food stains on it, but still.

Marco had a nice laugh, which was the first thing he thought about him other than being attractive. He was nice, and seemed to be patient with Ace's awkwardness. They talked for a long time, mostly Marco saying things and Ace nodding along. He was paying attention, just didn't really know what to do, how to talk, or what Marco wanted. He didn't seem creepy or like he wanted to just have a one-night stand with him, which Ace would never do.

It was 10:00 by the time Ace decided he wanted to go home. Marco didn't offer to walk him home, which made him feel relieved. He didn't want to seem rude if Marco offered and he told him a decisive "no". But, he did ask Ace for his number. The black haired man had deliberated for a good two minutes while Marco waited patiently.

It was due to that patience that he gave Marco his number. He seemed like a nice guy, maybe they could be friends. Ace knew nothing about being in a relationship, and figured that Marco wanted to just be friends. "Text, don't call. I don't like talking on the phone," Ace said. Marco smiled and said he got it before Ace put his hoodie on and pulled up the hood.

"It was nice meeting you, Ace. Happy birthday," Marco said with a grin. Ace nodded back, face flaming, and quickly walked home. Unsurprisingly, Marco was the one to text Ace, and that was how it all started.

-x-

Ace laid in a hospital bed, sleeping. Always sleeping. He'd been in a coma for the last two years, in a room that was full of comforting things he couldn't see. Stuffed animals, photos, letters, flowers that the nurse brought, and Ace's favorite books. It really was like a bedroom for him, but he had no way of knowing it was there. Any of it.

The nurses were the only ones who visited anymore. Now that Ace was completely alone, it was only them that visited, even if it was just to check in on him. Sometimes nurse Tami would talk to him, but Ace didn't hear it. He was trapped in the blackness, not dreaming, just sleeping.

He had scars across his face from glass piercing it, but they had long since healed. Scars were across his legs and arms from glass as well, and a deep wound on his shoulder from a chunk of metal bending and stabbing into it. Ace didn't remember getting any of these wounds, since he was out the moment the front of the car was hit by a moving semi-truck.

His family was gone, and he didn't know. Marco, who he had loved and been loved, was gone, too. Ace hadn't been awake or coherent for the break up. Ace was truly alone, so when he woke up from the coma, he entered a personal hell.

After two years and three months, Ace opened his dark eyes, and looked around the room. Things were blurry, and he didn't recognize where he was. It wasn't home. He had been on a date at Ace's with Marco, who had convinced him to leave the house. Ace hadn't wanted to, but Marco said he'd have fun.

Ace couldn't remember too much that happened before he woke up, just that he was in the car, and then he was in a bed. He had no memory of the crash or anything that happened after it. Didn't remember being on life-support, his family crying, Luffy and Marco visiting every day, talking to him about things, saying they were excited for him to wake up.

He had no way of knowing his family was dead and his partner left him while he was unaware. So, when he opened his eyes again, and finally registered he was in a hospital bed, he was confused. He pulled out the needles attached to bags giving him nutrients and water. He was in a hospital gown that was a bit itchy.

Trying to sit up was hard, since he hadn't moved in two years. He was sluggish and exhausted. His throat was dry like he couldn't believe, like it was made of sand. There was no water anywhere around him, so he couldn't take a sip to make the pain in his throat go away. He found a button on the wall, and moved his sluggish hand up to it to press it. There was a light beep, and Ace waited for someone to come.

Before they did, he fell back asleep. But he woke up a few hours later. This time there was someone else there, a nurse he'd never seen before. She was sitting by his bed, and he cleared his throat to let her know he was awake. He coughed, and she moved the hospital bed to sit up slowly.

Handing him a cup of water, he gladly took a large gulp of it. The woman, nurse Tami, he read, smiled at him brightly. She took the empty cup back and put it on the standing table next to his bed. Ace was so confused, not knowing what happened or why he was in the hospital. It was scary, and he didn't know what to think. Was he hurt? What had happened? How long had he been here?

His hair was longer, he could tell. It was past his shoulders, meaning it hadn't been cut in a long time. "Ace, how are you feeling? My name is nurse Tami. How do you feel?" she asked kindly, emphatically so Ace could hear her clearly.

She seemed nice enough and was the only person who had answers for him at the moment. He cleared his throat again, which hurt much less now that he'd had some water. "Where am I?" he slurred. Then he remembered that wasn't her question, and didn't want to cause trouble for her. "I'm tired. Have to pee," he said, suddenly feeling like his bladder was about to explode. He tried sitting up further, and Tami helped him, while explaining that he was in the hospital. He had been in a coma.

Ace started to breathe quickly. Having a panic attack. He started to shake and tears came from his eyes. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be in his room, not here. "Ace, shhh, it's okay. You're okay," Tami said kindly, clearly knowing what to do in this situation. She still helped him to the small bathroom, and helped him sit down. He wasn't wearing underwear, and his legs weren't strong enough to keep him standing, so he sat down to pee, which was just strange.

He used the hand sanitizer afterwards and she helped him back out of the bathroom. His legs were like mush and he felt like his body was pulled down by heavy stones, making it hard to move. When he was back in the bed, panic attack subsided, he drank more water.

"What happened to me?" he asked fearfully, in a tiny voice. Tami gave him a kind look. "You were in a severe car crash. You've been asleep since then, two years and three months ago. You have scarring on your legs, arms and face. It was a bad accident."

Then Ace remembered that Marco had been there. "Was Marco okay?" Ace asked, worried that Marco was in worse condition or even dead. If Ace was in a coma, then was Marco as well? He was so worried, but confused when Tami answered.

"Marco is the blonde man, right?" she asked slowly. Ace nodded, confused as to why she didn't know him. Surely Marco visited, right? He said he loved Ace, so why didn't the nurse know who he was. "Oh, right! He was fine, he was not in the car when it was hit." Ace sighed, so relieved that he was okay. But it didn't answer why Tami didn't know him. Or at least didn't remember him well.

Ace was growing scared. "Can you call someone? Marco or mom or Luffy?" he asked, voice shaking. Did Marco stop coming for some reason? It didn't make sense, since he had said he would be with Ace forever. Shouldn't that mean he visited often? The nurse gave a nervous but sad face.

She took his hand, and told him earth shattering news. "Ace, your family was in a plane crash. They passed away," she said kindly. She was fast enough to grab a bucket for Ace to heave into, since he had nothing in his stomach. It had been over two years since he last ate. When he was under control, he shouted at her that she was a liar, which was very uncharacteristic. He never yelled at anyone, especially someone he didn't know.

But what she said couldn't be true! A plane crash? That was super unlikely! Tami took it with grace and then held his hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, Ace," she said sincerely. Tears cascaded down Ace's pale face over his freckles. His mouth was opened slightly as he tried to process her words. Luffy was never going to laugh with him again. Mom wasn't going to talk to him when he got overwhelmed.

"Then where is Marco? Can you call him? He should know I'm awake," Ace insisted. If his family was gone, Marco was all he had. The nurse pulled a clipboard off of the wall and read the list of names on it. There were five pages, and Ace saw the first two were full of names, which dwindled to nothing by the end. The empty spaces haunted him.

Tami said, kindly, "Marco Newgate hasn't visited since last Christmas. It's December 6th." Ace was shocked, and felt beyond hurt.

"Is he okay? He wasn't hurt? In the car crash?" Tami shook her head. Ace's eyes lowered to his lap. Marco hadn't visited in almost a year. That meant Marco was no longer in a relationship, or maybe he was on a work-related thing! Yeah, maybe he was on a trip and couldn't visit. That was it! Marco wouldn't leave him while he was in a coma. He was better than that, Marco loved him.

Ace asked for his phone, and she handed it to him. It was fully charged, and he opened it to see he hadn't had a call since over two years ago. It made sense, he was in a coma, and no new texts, which also made sense. He slowly scrolled through his contacts, and found Marco's number. He still hadn't fully processed that his family was gone forever.

He called Marco's number, and it rang once before telling him that the number was no longer in service. Ace looked at his phone like it had burned him. He dropped it on his lap, landing on his skinny thigh though the hospital gown.

"Tami? What do I do next?" he asked in a broken voice. Everyone had left him behind. And he had no way to contact Marco, no family. Even before the plane crash, it was just him, Luffy and Mom. Any other family was still in Brazil probably. Ace had been born in America like Luffy had. But they didn't have any extended family there.

Tami looked so sad for him. "For now, we are going to heal your body. Why don't we only think about that for now?" she asked kindly. Ace gripped her hand tightly. "You will need to build back muscle you've lost from being in bed so long. Physical therapy. One day at a time, okay?" Ace nodded slowly.

He would heal his body first, and then think of what to do next. Hopefully, "next" didn't come for a long time. He didn't know what he would do when it came, but he shut that down, and would focus only on his health. His body was in a bad shape, and he could barely walk. Tami then told him it would take months for him to be able to function completely.

That was good. He had time to put off thinking about the inevitable. Maybe Marco would visit during that time, and Ace would be awake to see him. He didn't. In the three months since Ace had woken up, no one came. No one called. No one sent a letter. Ace had always liked being alone, but not like this.

-x-

Marco slammed the car door shut when he arrived at his flat, opening the front door with his keys and slamming that shut behind him, too. Well, there went that potential relationship. Every time, the same thing happened. And he was sick of it. He didn't want to feel that anymore.

Every time, every single time, Marco tried to be intimate with someone, anyone, he ended up moaning his name instead of whoever he was with. Marco went to the kitchen and downed a whole can of beer before tossing it in the recycling and crashing on the couch. Izo was going to be mad at him again. He was supposed to move on from Ace. He was supposed to forget and heal. He didn't want to think about him anymore.

It had been over a year since he'd broken up with him. Not that it was exactly a break up. He just stopped showing up. Ace, if he ever woke up, would not remember Marco crying to him, wracked with guilt every time he saw him, still and covered in scars in that bed. He looked dead. Marco couldn't handle the grief and guilt that mixed in him like a poison cocktail. He turned on the TV and put something on Netflix on, anything.

Of course, he didn't pay much attention to it. It was just background noise while his thoughts were front and center. He missed Ace. All the time. But he knew it was not his place to do so when it was his fault Ace was in that damn bed in the first place. All his fault, he ruined the love of his life.

If Ace ever woke up, he would hate Marco for leaving him. But Luffy and Rouge would be there for him. They would help him. And despite how he felt about hurting Ace by leaving, he still wanted the man to wake up some day. Ace deserved to be happy, no matter how hard it was for him to get there.

Marco wanted it to be with him, but he felt too much guilt and regret for ruining his future. He wanted to see Ace's shy smile, the blush that flooded his face for almost everything. And it was ridiculous that Marco would call out his name when having sex when they'd never done it together themselves. Ace was too shy and insecure.

For anyone but him, he would have wanted to make love earlier, but he loved Ace, social awkwardness, agoraphobia, and low-self esteem included. Ace made him happy like no one else did, in his own adorable way. Breaking down his walls and crawling inside had taken years, but they were all worth it. Everything was worth it just to hear Ace's bubbly laugh, his smile.

And all of it was ruined because his car had broken down on the side of the road. Ace had still been in the car, and Marco had been behind it. He still remembered that moment of shock and confusion when the car was no longer in front of him, and was instead down a hill and slammed into the trunk of a tree, with Ace still inside.

Marco smacked himself hard to get his thoughts out of that direction. There was no point in thinking about it. But it was hard not to. It was impossible to forget Ace, he knew that, but he thought the pain of it would fade once he stopped going to see him. He thought he would move on, but it had been over a year since he'd left like a coward, and Ace was in his thoughts at least once a day. More, on most days.

Pulling out his phone, Marco did what he knew he shouldn't but couldn't help. He went into the folder he'd made of photos of Ace. Of the man he loved more than anything or anyone. The oldest photo he had of Ace was on their very first date, a month after they first met on his birthday in that dinky bar he never visited anymore. Ace had been drinking from a huge milkshake at an ice cream stand by his house. He hadn't seen Marco take the picture until after, and he'd caught just the right moment.

Ace had gotten a brain freeze and his face scrunched up. It was so cute. Then he looked to the last, which was the day of the crash before they had headed out to the family barbeque. Ace posed by his apartment door, showing he was leaving the house, which was hard for him most times. The majority of their dates were not in public.

And Marco had accepted with open arms that Ace had mild agoraphobia that became more severe as he aged. Marco knew meeting new people was scary, and especially many people at once. And he had convinced Ace to come to see all of his family. It was his fault they were on that road.

He looked at a photo he'd taken of Ace sleeping on the couch, shirt tugged up a bit to expose his smooth stomach. His skin had been so soft. Marco remembered running his hands across his skin to help with anxiety.

All of the problems Ace had were worth it to be with him. Everything was worth it, yet he still fled from his own weakness. His former love had done nothing on his part to make Marco run, it was all because of him. He was too weak to deal with the fact that he'd ruined his boyfriend's life. His family didn't blame him, which made it even worse. It was his fault, his car, his trip. All his, Ace didn't even want to go, yet Marco got him to. How selfish he was.

Finally, he broke. He caved, and took his phone and shoved it in his pocket as he got back into his car, not thinking to lock the door behind him in his hurry away. He hadn't visited in a long, long time. Ace was probably still asleep. He would always be asleep, and Marco would watch him waste away.

He knew this was a bad idea, it would just make it harder, but Marco had to see him and apologize, even if he was never going to be with him again, he should apologize for leaving. It might make him feel better in the long run. And he was selfish, he wanted to feel better. He was still leaving him, but hopefully with a smaller weight resting on his chest.

When he parked at the hospital, he sat in the car for a few minutes, before toughing it out and walking inside. Ace was in the inpatient care area of the hospital. He turned down the right hallway and up two stories. He'd made that walk hundreds of times. He knew the way to Ace's room by heart. Everything was the same, painfully. So many memories of crushing guilt and depression lurked in the hallway.

When he entered Ace's ward, he slowly moved towards his room, and opened the door. To his horror, the room was empty. The sheets were made, all of the personal effects were gone. Everything in that room was cold now, the bed empty of his love. Who he didn't have the right to call his love anymore.

He fell to his knees, thinking the worst. That Ace had died without Marco ever being able to apologize. He started to cry, choked sobs coming from him as he thought it was his fault, ultimately, that Ace had died and he hadn't even known. Didn't get to say one last goodbye.

But he was bringing attention to himself and eventually stood up. Someone, a nurse with black hair, came up to him and asked, "Are you alright, sir? Can I help you with something?" She sounded concerned, but Marco didn't know if it was for him or for the people around that he was freaking out.

"Uh, when did the man in this room die?" he asked, a tremble in his voice. His lips were wobbling and tears still down his face. The nurse looked very confused, so Marco assumed that Ace had actually died a long time ago and he just didn't know. And his family didn't even invite him to the funeral. But, it was his fault, why would he get to even go to it?

"Do you mean Ace?" Marco nodded. "He completed physical therapy and left three weeks ago," she said simply. Marco was shocked. And hurt. Sure, he hadn't been there, but Ace didn't try contacting him? But he had no right to complain, he was the one that left. "What is your name, sir?"

Marco answered his name. Tami, the nurse, suddenly had a cold look on her face. One of anger and disapprovement. Marco bristled under the stare and did his best not to glare back. She had information that Marco wanted, and it wouldn't do to make her angry. "Ace attempted to call you when he woke up. Your phone number changed," she said in a hard voice. "You're disturbing the patients, please leave."

He was shocked, and completely forgot he'd changed numbers due to spammers contacting him many times a day that turned hourly. Of course Ace couldn't reach him. But he'd tried, and Marco hadn't been there for him. He must have been so hurt that Marco stopped coming, and had no idea why. He must have felt so alone, even if Luffy and Rouge were there for him.

"Do you know where he went?" Marco begged. Tami replied that she couldn't give out confidential information, and asked for him to leave. Something had happened that made her hate him, and why wouldn't she? He abandoned her patient. He left, and tried calling Ace's phone. It had changed as well, which wasn't so strange. It would have been an old phone, so he got a new one.

Marco had no way to contact him, so all he could do was visit Ace's home. It wasn't his place, but he had to know he was okay. Had to see him healthy and awake, even if it was for the last time. Ace would hate him. Or worse, welcome him back with open arms. But he had to see him. So he hurried back to the car, cold air puffing out in front of him. It was late. He knew it would bother him, but he just had to make sure Ace was safe and awake.

He started to feel sick on his way there. A nervousness he hadn't felt in a long time. One of fear, suspense. But he drove to the house, and noticed there were new cars there. Maybe Luffy finally got a car and learned to drive. He parked across the street from the nice home. He had so many memories of being there with Ace, watching movies in his colorful basement room. It was a nice place to be, to relax and have private moments with Ace.

To have him in his lap, watching a movie, napping together, playing games, talking or just reading in the same place. It had been such a happy place. He stood outside the red door, and gathered the courage to knock. He waited, rocking back and forth on his toes. The lock turned and the door opened, flooding light across the doorstep.

It wasn't Rouge or Luffy or Ace. it was an old woman. "Hello? Can I help you with something?" Marco was confused.

"Are you related to Ace D. Portgas?" he asked, the name feeling pleasant in his mouth while also making him feel wrong for saying it. She shook her head.

"I know someone named Rouge with the same last name, but they passed a long time ago," the old woman said, a walker in front of her.

"Do you know where they moved?" Marco question, not catching the wording. If this woman knew where Ace's family was, then he could go see them. But she gave him a look of almost pity and sympathy.

She shook her head and said, "No, sonny, they died. A plane crash over a year ago." Marco's face went pale, and he didn't say anything before stumbling back to his car. Ace's family was dead. Marco was gone. Ace… he had no one left. Tears poured down Marco's face, thinking of Luffy and Rouge, and how alone Ace must feel. He should have been there for him!

He screamed curses at the top of his lungs for a long time, and slammed his head on the steering wheel in self-hatred. He had no way to find Ace, who was utterly and completely alone. Never got to see his family one last time, or even go to their funerals. This was hell, but Ace must be somewhere ever worse than hell.

Chapter Text

Llama: Don't hate Marco just yet. ;)

Nightmare: Good point. They both have reasons to feel how they do.

Otaku_Girl2176: I love angst, too. This story was made because I loved the angst betrayal of a story called "Letting Go". This one is not similar to the other story at all, but it made me want to make an angst about Ace and Marco. There are some scenes that I cried writing. 

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: I always put Ace through so much. :(

Ace sat on his couch in his lonely new apartment. There were boxes all over the place, and all he'd unpacked was the TV and some of his books. The apartment was nice. He didn't want to live somewhere noisy, so it was a nice secluded apartment. Two bedrooms even though it was only him in it. He needed to get a pet. The therapist told him that was a good idea.

He had nice furniture here. Well, he could afford it. He had all of the fortune from his family. All of it was now his, passed down after his mother's death. He got up and stretched before he began to unpack. He spent all night on it, lost in his thoughts as he unpacked his old life and more of his new life.

He didn't sleep, just continued to unpack. His nice kitchen with the stainless steel appliances was unpacked and soon, full of everything except food. He hung photos up on the walls, mostly of his family. None of the photos he'd had with Marco. He wanted to move on from him. He left when Ace was dead to the world. Even changed his phone number.

Ace came to the conclusion that Marco had never actually loved him. Maybe he was just a project for the older man. Breaking down his walls and making his way deep into Ace's heart only to abandon him with no note. No nothing. But he would move on. He wouldn't trust anyone to love him again.

There was no such thing as true love. His relationship with Marco had meant nothing in the long run. Well, it did to Ace, but clearly not Marco. The freckled man moved to unpack his bedroom. He had almost a new everything. New furniture, new books. He kept all of the furtniure from his old home and it was all in the storage unit he rented in the complex. Having it around him was too much, but if he got rid of all of it, he'd have nothing left.

The unit was on the third floor, so he opened the windows for the night. Back at his old home, they had to keep the windows closed and locked. It had been a nice house, homey, but one story so the windows stayed closed.

It was too late, and he needed to wake up in the morning, so he took his antidepressants medication for his agoraphobia and headed to his new bedroom to collapse onto the bed. He was too numb still, to cry. It had been over three months since he woke up, but he still didn't cry. He couldn't or he would break apart into little pieces, and he no longer had anyone to help him put them back together again.

Unable to sleep, he took a xanax and was able to sleep. It was a nice, dreamless sleep. When he woke up, he pulled himself out of bed and headed to the one bathroom to take a shower. He was still pretty skinny and pale. He used to be a nice warm honey color, but now he was just pale. His freckles stood out on his face, so he'd bought makeup to cover them up so he didn't see them in the mirror anymore and be reminded of his mother.

It was unnecessary to see that now. Maybe in the future, maybe never. But not right now. He dried his hair and body before he put the concealer on. There. He didn't look like his mom anymore. When he left the bathroom, he put the towel in the hamper next to the laundry closet. He walked around in his underwear and unpacked more, folding boxes up once they were empty and shoving them in the closet on the back patio.

After his new home was clean and organized, he took out his new laptop and went online to order groceries and have them delivered. He didn't know when he would leave the house or get a job. He lived in a different city now, and had enough money to be comfortable for some years. But, he didn't want to waste away locked in his house forever.

He didn't like going out in public much, but he lived next to a park now, so that was good enough. But he still had to go to the pharmacy for refills. He could go outside on walks. He had a car he could drive anywhere, but had no place he wanted to go.

Moving away from home when it was no longer there had been a good thing. There were no painful memories of him or his family. No memories of the places he'd gone with Marco.

He ordered a lot of groceries so he didn't need to go for awhile. Toilet paper and detergent were in need, so he put those on the list as well. He placed the order and then sat at the stool at the bar counter part of the kitchen, staring out the window near the kitchen sink. It was a nice view of the city. It would look nice at night with all the city lights. After he was situated and used to living someplace that wasn't home or the hospital, he'd make a schedule on when to go and visit the graves. If he could bring himself to go there. They were empty lots. There was no one and nothing to visit. He needed structure, like his therapist said. He would also be driving there, too. So the only places he needed to go was the therapist, the pharmacy, and out for walks like he was supposed to. Other than that, he could just order groceries.

He remembered when Marco had made a date of them going grocery shopping together. Before the accident, Marco had hinted at wanting to move in together. Ace hadn't denied or accepted, just sort of got uncomfortable, so Marco dropped it. He seemed so understanding then. They had gone to a dinky market and shopped for candy and popcorn for having a movie night at Ace's place.

It hadn't been fun for Marco. Ace had liked it, but Marco was probably annoyed. Ace was the one to pay at the register, but there was a line behind him and he kept dropping the money, growing more and more uncomfortable. Marco had taken the money from Ace and paid for him. He had smiled like it didn't bother him.

Ace sighed, still so confused about everything. He… he could have left a note. Or a text or voice mail. Something to tell Ace why when he woke up. He sighed and turned on the TV, flopping down on the couch. The groceries would be there in a couple hours. He was hungry and had no food, but didn't want to go out and buy something.

He'd gone two years without eating, he could go a couple hours. Watching the news was all he had to do. He hadn't set up the wifi yet, and was just using the hotspot on his phone to hook up the computer. He didn't have cable, so he just watched the only channel there was, which was the news.

Detached from any problems but his own, Ace didn't find anything worth watching on the news, and instead went to set things up. The wifi first. He put the router on the bookshelf, setting it up himself. Considering he'd lived at home for all his life before the crash, he felt he was doing alright on his own.

At the hospital, they helped him learn how to use the washing machine and dryer. Then they taught him how to cook simple meals. Rouge had always cooked everything, she enjoyed it. Luffy would eat most of it. Leaving little for Ace. He smiled, tears dripping from his eyes as he thought of his brother. His baby brother, who he remembered carrying at 5 years old.

He braced his arms on the counter top, and hunched his back, gasping sobs, trying to will the tears away. He didn't want to break. Not yet, he had to get his life together first. But he didn't know how or why he should even do that. What was the point in the first place? It's not like he had any bright future to strive for.

Too uncomfortable to go to school or get a real paying job. No dreams anymore. He'd once dreamt of Marco being his happily-ever-after, but that ship had sailed when Ace wasn't there to see it off.

He scratched his arms harshly to think of something other than how much he missed his family. It worked, but it left pink lines across his pale skin. He didn't want to go there. The therapist would worry more. He downed a xanax, breathing deeply to calm himself. The therapist said to think of something happy when he felt hopeless, but there was nothing that was a happy memory that didn't have anything to do with those he'd lost.

After the groceries came, he had already paid online, he thanked the delivery guy, albeit with a shaky voice, and went back inside to put the groceries away. He put everything where it was supposed to go and then just sat on the couch before he decided he didn't want to be alone. He was unpacked already, he could go get a cat.

A cat would be less work, and his family cat had run away when his family died. There was no way to find it now. But this meant he had to go shopping for pet supplies. He weighed the pros and cons, and decided he'd go get an animal tomorrow, and get what he needed near the closing hours so there wouldn't be a lot of people there.

He would do his best to live normally but be around as little as people as he could. He could do this, he could live by himself. After all, it wasn't like he had any other option.

-x-

Marco was sitting on the couch at his brother's house, arms resting on his thighs as he leaned forward. He'd showed up unannounced and looking like he hadn't slept in days. Izo was rightfully worried about him. He brought him some coffee.

"So, what's wrong?" Izo asked carefully, sipping his own tea and sitting on the lounge chair across from his older brother. "Why do you look like shit?" Marco frowned at his choice wording, even though he knew it was true. He had gotten no sleep the night before after driving home from Ace's old house.

All he had been able to think about was Ace all alone somewhere. All alone.

"Ace woke up," Marco said simply. Izo looked overjoyed and then confused. Shouldn't Marco be happy. "He left a couple weeks ago. I don't know where he went or how to reach him. His family is dead, Izo. He woke up with no one. I… I wasn't there for him. He tried calling me, but it didn't go through," he confessed.

Izo had a tragic look on, hand up to his mouth. Marco had told all his brothers about Ace, usually nice things, praising him going out on a date, gushing about how so in love he'd been. Still was. He never stopped loving Ace, but he'd messed up.

"You didn't get any information? Did you ask the hospital? Maybe they know where he went," he offered. None of Marco's brothers had ever actually met Ace. Even after three years of dating, Ace had been afraid to meet Marco's family. Marco had tried so many times that they would all be understanding about his anxiety, and they would have been. The day of the crash was when they were going to meet him.

Thatch and Izo had gone to the hospital with Marco, but Ace was in his coma already. They couldn't do anything to get him out of it, so they were there for Marco through the hard time. Then Marco had "broken up" with Ace from the guilt.

"The nurse hated me. She must have been close to Ace, when I told her my name she glared at me. Ace must have been in so much pain, waking up alone." He downed the rest of his coffee, wishing it was alcohol instead, but he wanted to be thinking clearly. He had to find Ace, make sure he was okay.

He didn't know what after that. He had no right to ask to be let back in, but he wanted to be. He wanted to be with Ace again, like how they used to be. But Ace had woken up and knew that Marco had ditched him. Even his phone didn't work out. Marco felt no hope, but he wanted to make sure Ace wasn't doing any self-harm. Maybe they could be friends again, at least, and Marco could help him.

But Marco didn't want to be friends. He wanted things to be like how they used to. Ace would never trust him again. He'd let Marco in, and then left when things got difficult, and not on the part of Ace.

"So what are you going to do?" Izo asked curiously. Marco made eye contact with him, and said, "I want your help to find him. I want everyone's help." Izo looked shocked. Marco never asked for help with things, always the one giving it.

"Do you think that's a good idea? He moved away, didn't he? If… if he wanted to try and rebuild things, he would have gone to your house. He knows where you live," Izo said, trying to be gentle but reasonable.

Marco shook his head. That wasn't what Ace would do. Marco knew what he'd do, just not where he went. "Ace doesn't think like that. He'll think I left him because I got bored of him. That he wasn't enough, or was too much. Even if we do make up, I'll be starting a square one again to regain his trust. I want things to go back to how they were. I love him," he explained quietly.

Izo stood up and walked to sit beside Ace on the couch, and put his hand on Marco's shoulder. "I will help you. But is it really a good idea? Do you think you will hurt him more by going? You abandoned him and he doesn't know why." Marco's face fell. He knew that was the truth. He had done something truly wrong. But he couldn't let Ace spiral into misery all alone.

"I want to at least reassure him that it wasn't that I don't love him anymore. I- I loved him too much for my own good, but that's not on him," Marco said strongly, voice becoming more firm as he spoke. "I know Ace like the back of my hand, and he is miserable and lonely and confused now. And I made it even worse. I wasn't even there when he woke up to find his old life was over."

Izo frowned and sighed. "I promise I will help you, but I don't even know where to start to look. He might have moved to another city, another state. I'm not a detective, you know. Does he have any social media accounts?"

Marco shook his head. Ace was never interested in those. All he had was an email that Marco tried. But the message had been bounced back. He had zero ways of communicating with Ace, letting him know it wasn't him that caused Marco to leave.

He knew he'd lost all of Ace's trust the moment he realized how long it had been since Marco had visited. It was so hard to gain that trust over years of work and now it was gone. Did Ace even want to see Marco? Would he shun him, turn him away even if he needed help?

Ace's agoraphobia made it difficult for him to leave the house, and Marco knew he had no other family here, so how was he living? And where was he getting money? Did he have to get a job to pay for wherever he lives? Marco was so worried about him, but felt if Ace knew how worried he was, he'd be ashamed or even offended. Maybe he was underestimating Ace. But he still needed to know.

"Why don't you ask everyone? To keep their eyes open, we live all over the state, so someone might notice him," Izo offered helpfully. Marco thought that was a good idea. "Send them a photo of him and ask him to keep a look out for him."

Marco thought that plan wouldn't work well since Ace rarely left the house if he could help it. Marco had tried to help him get past that slowly over the years they were together. And the day he finally agreed to go see the family, he ended up in a coma. Bleeding everywhere… no, he didn't want to think of what Ace had looked like then.

"I will, I'll do it now," Marco said, and opened his phone, looking for the best photo of Ace, scrolling through everything before he found a perfect one that looked how he did around anyone other than Marco and his family. He rarely smiled in public, so he chose one of those photos, where Ace was looking down at his face with a small frown. It was his default expression out in public.

Would Marco ever see him smile again? He hoped so. Man, what had he done? To the person he loved. But he would try to do his best to help if Ace accepted it. He sent the photo to all of his brothers, telling them to keep out a lookout for him and to message him if they see him. Most of them sent a confirmation back by the end of the day, where Marco was laying on the couch, looking at the ceiling, throwing a ball up and catching it.

He had a TV show playing in the background, but once again he was more focused on what was going on in his head. All he could think about was the fact Ace had when he felt like Marco was thinking he was too much trouble. The nurse must have seen it, and the aftermath, and that's why she clearly hated Marco for what he'd done to such a pure soul.

She didn't know the full story, but it wasn't like the truth made him seem good. He rolled over on his side and dropped the ball to the carpet, looking at the drawer in the coffee table he knew housed framed photos of him and Ace in their best days. He walked over, opening the drawer slowly, seeing the frames turned on their fronts so he only saw the back of them.

They had dates on them. Two were anniversary photos. Each time, Ace was shocked they were still together, and Marco did his best to convince him he'd always be there for him. He lied. At the time he never planned on leaving, but he did. If only he'd left a letter. Ace hadn't heard him in his coma. Hadn't heard the tears and apologies.

He had hoped but worried at the same time that Ace could hear him, but was trapped and unable to reply. Would have been in turmoil, trapped in his own head. But Ace hadn't been awake. If he had, hopefully he would have tried harder to contact Marco. Changing his number had been a bad thing, even if he did it for practical purposes.

He pulled out the small and large frames, and saw all of them were Ace smiling. Most were in his house or Marco's house, but that was fine. Only one was one of outside, when they were at the park, Ace was sleeping on a picnic blanket, black hair fanned around his face, light from between the leaves of trees shining across his freckles. He was beautiful.

Marco put some of the frames up on his bookshelf. Looking at them might give him motivation to keep trying. He didn't want to give up. Ace might not want him but he might need him. Or at least someone to help him through the hard times.

It was the next day, Marco having slept on the couch for some reason, when he got a message from Haruta. He didn't know what it was for, but it was early. Well, earlier. 9:00. He pulled the charger out of it and turned the brightness up to see it better, opening the text from his youngest brother. They were all in part of their twenties, but Haruta was the youngest, even younger than Ace was.

There was a photo of him. Ace was wearing a blue jacket, black jeans and some boots. His hair was not longer anymore, so it had been cut since he woke up. He was in line somewhere, looking uncomfortable. Then Marco realized where he was. In a pharmacy. But it made sense he'd be on pills after what happened.

Found him! Haruta showed with thumbs up emojis. Ace didn't look good. He had circles under his eyes, and was pale. Haruta had clearly taken the photo in secret since it was from a low position.

Where is that?

The icon showing Haruta was typing showed up, and Marco stared at it, excited to know where he could find Ace. Seeing him awake, even if he wasn't in good shape, was wonderful. Since the last time he'd seen him, he was asleep and ghaunt.

Downtown Alkine. Near where I live, but he might live in any of the small towns here. I didn't follow him out, but he took the prescription and then stared at a pack of skittles for awhile before deciding to buy it. Then he left.

Marco was shocked that Ace had successfully gone shopping on his own. Though he looked very uncomfortable. Maybe… he didn't need Marco. No, he needed emotional support. Not just help doing regular things. But where did he live? He could live in any of the close knit clusters of towns in that area.

Marco thanked Haruta, feeling hope. It had happened so fast, he'd only messaged everyone the day before! What luck! He immediately got on the computer and searched names in that city, trying to find any new registered properties. But no homes were bought or rented in the last couple months, so he probably chose an apartment complex. That was helpful information.

He didn't know what kind of place he would have gotten. Probably somewhere nicer. He had money, his mother had a lot when she was alive. Not as much as Marco's family, but they still lived very comfortably.

Marco looked up all apartments in the area, and there were too many to search each unit. Go to each door. But if he could get his siblings to help him, then it would be faster. There were fourteen besides him, after all. It could work, and he knew his brothers would help him. They knew how bad off he was when Ace was in the coma, and how happy he was when they were together.

They knew of Ace's agoraphobia, and did not know why Marco was so infatuated with Ace, even though Marco tried to explain. That Ace was kind and innocent and once he was comfortable with someone, he became as bright as a star. He still had anxiety, but he was open with Marco. The man hoped he could get that back some day.

He messaged all of his siblings, asking them for help. More like begging. Only nine of them responded quickly, but by the end of the day, everyone had replied and were caught up with what was going on. Marco was touched that they all easily agreed to look. Not just Izo, who he knew would help from the start. Izo was smart when it came to relationship advice.

A couple days later, everyone met, even those who lived in different cities and they split up where they'd search. It would be every apartment in one city, and then they'd move to another if they couldn't find Ace there. It would take a couple days, but they could do it. Marco was in a hurry and they understood that Ace was fragile and grieving alone.

They'd find him, but would Ace even want to talk to him? God, he hoped so.

Chapter Text

Iris Viggiano: Thank you! I'm sure I'll be able to understand even if there are typos. :)

Llama: I put him through so much in my fics.

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: I'm glad neither of them feel like the bad guy! That's what I was going for.

Otaku_Girl2176: Ace definitely needs a hug.

Almost postponed updating this story today. Just spent the last 3 hours uploading all of my stories to stupid wattpad. Not even finished! I have hundreds of chapters. I hate wattpad but I don't want to leave my 3 followers hanging. -_- I've gotten no views on most of my stories there. I love ao3 so much more! Enjoy~

"You're a cat, shouldn't you cover your poop?" Ace complained as he poured litter over what Lucy hadn't covered. She meowed and then climbed her way up Ace's pant leg. She was a kitten, and since Ace didn't need to leave the house for now, he could get her used to anything just fine.

He picked her up and laid her on her back, rubbing her dotted tummy while she wriggled around in his arms. Ace loved her already. He'd named her after his late brother. He had to, there was nothing else that he would have named her. He put her down on the couch, where she jumped onto the back of it against the wall and watched him while he put on a movie.

It had been three days since he'd adopted her. He knew that many people wished that they would adopt cats from a shelter, but Ace wanted a cat that would grow up with him. Lucy was also a good thing to calm anxiety, at least, so far. And now he had someone to take care of, he couldn't kill himself.

Ace liked to think he would get better. He didn't know if he'd ever be normal, but he might be able to go shopping. It would be small trips often instead of long ones. And it'd always be in the morning or late at night. He had a plan, he could do this. Well, that's how he felt at that moment. Agoraphobia was hard to deal with, but his therapist had prescribed him medication to help with it, along with therapy that she came to his house for, now.

When he'd had a panic attack in her office the first time, which was incredibly stressful, she changed it up to come to his place. It was nice. She was kind and understanding. He kept his place perfectly clean. It was nice, since his old house was always messy thanks to Luffy. He was messy indeed. But Ace missed him a lot.

Things weren't better yet, but he felt that he would heal from everyone's deaths. He still didn't know how to feel about Marco. Part of him hated him for ditching, but another worried that he was hurt or dead and that's why he stopped visiting and his phone was disconnected. Just like Ace, Marco didn't have any social media accounts. And Ace didn't know if he even wanted to find out what had happened.

He was on the third episode of the second season of a show he'd started binging when there was a knock on the door. Ace began to panic, knowing someone wasn't supposed to be there. Maybe they'd go away if he ignored the door. But they knocked again. Lucy ran under the couch, which didn't help Ace's anxiety.

But he toughed it out and walked to the door, looking out of the peephole. He didn't recognize who it was. Someone with long black hair and makeup on, who was clearly a man. "Who is it?" he asked through the door.

"My name is Izo. I'm looking for a man named Ace. Do you know of him?" Izo asked. Ace opened the door slightly and looked outside. Izo's face lit up. "Are you Ace?" he questioned, though he already seemed to know the answer. Ace didn't know him, and grew uncomfortable.

He nodded slowly. "What do you want?" he asked, though not in a disrespectful tone. Izo looked worried suddenly.

"I'm Marco's brother. He wants to see you," Izo said. Ace felt anger. So, he was alive and kicking. That meant he left for another reason. Ace was boring in his coma, of course Marco had left.

"Please leave," Ace said in a flat voice. Izo's face fell. "And tell him I'm not his project anymore," Ace said and shut the door, locking it. He looked out the peephole and waited for Izo to leave before he went to his room, flopped face first on the bed, and sobbed. Sobbed for the feelings of betrayal and hate he'd been harboring. He screamed into his pillow as hard as he could.

Marco left him, Ace didn't want to see him again. He took down the photos of his ex-boyfriend and put them in the few boxes still with things that didn't fit anywhere. He took a xanax for the anxiety and pain he was feeling in his heart.

Lucy jumped onto the bed and crawled into his lap, little claws hurting his legs a bit, but he welcomed her company, and felt relaxed when she began to pur. He wasn't alone anymore, even if his only friend and company was a cat. It was better than nothing.

-x-

"I found him. Ace," Izo said over the phone the same day he'd found the person Marco wanted to see.

"Really? How was he?" Marco asked with an excited voice. Izo sighed over the other line, and Marco lost his smile, afraid of hearing what Ace's reaction was. It was bad, something that would hurt Marco. Was Ace angry at him?

"He asked me to leave and to tell you that he isn't your project anymore," Izo said, putting it all out there. Marco was speechless. So… Ace didn't believe Marco had ever loved him anymore. He thought Marco was just there to mess with him, have him be some project for entertainment, and when he was in the coma, he wasn't entertaining anymore, so Marco left. That was how Ace thought of him.

Marco was the villain now.

"I'm so sorry, Marco," Izo said sincerely, sadness palpable in his voice. Marco thanked him for going, and hung up, burying his face in the pillow. God, what had he done? He'd ruined everything because he was selfish. Ace… everything about their relationship was tainted for him. Marco's abandonment poisoned the happy memories.

But now he knew he couldn't give up. He couldn't let Ace remember their love with pain and sorrow. Ace had to know Marco still loved him, even if Ace didn't return the feeling. He texted Izo not long after the call and asked for Ace's new address. He was in a small town that snowed a lot. Ace always loved the snow, but only went out in his backyard. And it made sense someone with a fear of crowds would move to a small town.

It was near where Haruta was, but not in the city where Ace picked up whatever he needed from the pharmacy. Marco searched his address on the internet and found a very nice, new looking apartment building. Looking at the photos on the inside of the units, Marco found that it was also nice inside. But what struck him was how much it looked like Ace's old house.

The walls were a nice light blue, with the same colored painted cabinets and carpet. Ace was holding onto his memories of his old life. Just not with Marco. It hurt. It hurt so bad, but nowhere near how hurt Ace must feel or had felt. Had he moved on? It had been months since he woke up and knew Marco had left without a word that he knew of.

Marco waited a couple days before typing up his letter he'd send, since he had no other way to contact Ace besides going there or sending him a letter. Would he even open it? Well, that's why he wouldn't be writing it, so his handwriting wouldn't be recognizable. And he would sign the back so Ace didn't read the name at the bottom and crumple it up before reading it.

But would he respond if he did read it? Would anything be the same again? No, it wouldn't. Marco would have to work for a long time to regain that trust that had taken years to obtain. But it was all worth it to be with him. He loved him. He was perfect, even with all of his problems.

Marco wanted him back and to show him for the rest of his life that he'd never leave him again, no matter how long it took to convince him. The ball would be in Ace's court.

The letter was short, he didn't want Ace to read some of it, realize it was Marco, and then not read the rest. He typed it up, and slid it into a blue envelope along with an origami heart that Ace had taught him to make years ago. Back when Ace got into origami to pass time. In that week, his room was full of them. Marco remembered having to ask him what they were because they were so bad.

"It's a crane!" he had said indignantly. Marco had laughed, and asked to be taught. They both learned better together. Marco still had the string of cranes that used to hang in the kitchen. It was in a box in the closet of all the belongings he still had of Ace's.

He sealed the envelope and put it on the coffee table before heading to his closet to pull the box off of the top shelf. It was open, and he set it on the bed, pulling things out of it, memoires forming in his head that he'd avoided for months.

The scarf Ace had knit him, his sleep shirt that he'd spent the night over in but then swapped it for one of Marco's, even if Ace was smaller than he was so his shirt was too tight around Marco's chest. There were more photos, a bracelet of beads that Ace had given him that paired to one he had himself, that they both wore every day until the car crash. A beanie with Marco's favorite sport's team on it from when Ace couldn't go to the game due to nerves. So he'd set up his basement into a movie theater to watch it, and gave Marco the hat to wear for it. He had photos that Ace had taken of a piece of toast that had a burn mark that looked like Legolas from the Lord of the Rings.

Memories that brought everything back to him, made him smile but cry at the same time. He was glad he had these things. Glad he had not made a rash decision to burn them, wanting to move on.

He found the newspaper clipping about the car crash, and memories - unwelcome - flooded into his mind. He couldn't stop them. Couldn't unthink the images of the crumpled car, Ace hanging upside down where the roof of the car was smashed into the tree. With blood pouring down his face and arms, unconscious and limp. Glass stuck out of his skin, and Marco screamed his name as he pulled his bleeding lover out of the car.

People called 911 as Marco hurried up the hill to put Ace down on the asphalt. He was barely alive, but wouldn't wake up. Marco's hands had been shaking, and he hadn't felt so scared in all his life. Ace was on life support for a week, before he was stable again, but then never woke up. For over two years, he stayed asleep.

Marco would visit in the beginning and hold Ace's hand gently, telling him about his day, his family, everything he could think of to say, but Ace stirred for none of it, eyes closed the whole time, never moving. He breathed steadily, but that was the only thing that showed he was alive.

He left the room after putting things back in the box and putting them in the corner instead of back in the closet. Going to the table and putting the stamp and address on the letter, he put it in the mailbox to be picked up and sent.

He would wait, probably impatiently, for any response. Anything. If Ace didn't reply, then he'd be going to his home directly. He needed to see him and explain his actions and tell him they were wrong and he regretted them from the bottom of his heart.

-x-

Ace was at his computer, finally doing what he'd avoided for so long. He was looking up the date of the car crash, wanting to know what happened since he didn't remember. He didn't remember any of it, so it must have happened quickly. Instantly, maybe.

He saw photos of the truck that had hit the car only Ace had been inside of. It had barely a dent in the front, being a semi-truck and all. There was broken glass and marks along the ground. And the image of broken foliage and freshly churned dirt that had been ripped from the ground.

When he saw the image of Marco's car, flipped, crumpled and slammed against a thick tree, he gasped, putting his hand over his mouth in horror. There was a photo inside the car of how mangled it was, and blood. Ace's blood.

He got up and ran to the bathroom to throw up, startling Lucy out of the sink and to run under the couch. He wretched into the toilet, seeing his arms, the plethora of scars from shattered glass. His face was bad, too. He hadn't cared much about that, he had no one to impress or anything. He flushed the toilet once he was sure he was done, and went back to the laptop, closing the tab and deleting it from his history.

He shut the laptop and just sat at the counter for a while. He did feel sorry for Marco. He must have seen Ace when he was bad. But he still was upset Marco left him when he was so vulnerable. It was cowardly, in Ace's opinion, to not even leave a letter for when he woke up. Maybe explaining everything. Maybe he had an excuse, but there was none for breaking it off without so much as a goodbye or explanation.

He heard the sound of scratching and saw Lucy scratching at the mail slot, until she realized no one was there anymore and ran off, seeming disappointed. Ace smiled at her. She was making things better. Not by too much, but it was an improvement, since she was a good distraction.

It was a blue envelope, along with his first electric bill. He had more than enough money to pay for his living expenses. It wouldn't be running out anytime soon. He wasn't one to buy things that were overly expensive. He was considering starting up with art again. His therapist said making art could help. He used to be into it in high school, when the agoraphobia hadn't set in yet. He used to go places, though he had anxiety and not many friends. But he took a digital art class and enjoyed it. Now that he had money, he could buy an expensive tablet and program and get back into it.

He opened the letter, but it didn't say who it was from. He pulled the paper out and unfolded it. He didn't know who it was from. Probably a notice from the apartment, since he didn't exactly have family to send him letters or anything.

Ace,

I want to explain. After the crash-

Oh. It was Marco. His hands tightened around the edges of the paper, contemplating ripping it to pieces. But he didn't, took a deep breath, and started to read again, though now he was glaring at the letter.

After the crash, I went to you everyday for a year. And every time I saw you, I knew it was all my fault. It was my idea to take you out, and you didn't want to. I convinced you, only for you to get hit by a car and on life support before you were in a coma for over two years.

It was nothing you did to make me run away. It was my own weakness and guilt. You were never a project, you were the man I love. I still love. My feelings have never left for you, but neither has the guilt. So, I left. I was weak, pathetic and selfish.

I had no idea about what happened to your family until I went to your house and the new owner told me. I know how alone and hurt you are now. I'm so sorry I was selfish, and made things worse for you when you were already confused and grieving your family.

I heard you tried to call me, but my number changed due to spammers. I tried emailing you, but the message bounced back. I had no idea where you were, but I had to tell you the truth. I don't want my actions to poison the love we had. They were my happiest years, and I can't stand the thought of you seeing them tainted. You probably think I was lying when I told you I loved you, but I meant every word.

I understand if you never want to see me again, even if it will make me very sad. What I did, or didn't do, is unforgivable. In a perfect world, we would get past this. I know I need to gain back your trust, and I'd do anything to have that chance. And I wouldn't mess up again.

I love you. And I'm sorry if it was invasive to try and find you. I just want to make sure you're okay. As okay as you can be with no one there. I'd really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart if you replied. Even if it is to tell me you don't want to try again. I will understand and leave you alone if that's what you truly want.

A phone number was at the bottom, and there was no signature under the words, but there was on the back, confirming it was Marco even though Ace knew it was. He crumpled the paper in his hand before smoothing it out again against the edge of the table. He did put it back in the envelope and put it in his dresser, where he wouldn't need to see it.

He needed time to think. Ace didn't know what he should do. He felt happy that it wasn't that Marco was bored with him, but he didn't know if he could accept him back. To love someone, you need to trust them. He didn't know if he could ever do that again. Not after he left him. Left him to mourn his family and old life all alone, scared and confused.

Why did all of this happen to him? Everything good in his life riddled with anxiety was gone. He didn't even get to say goodbye to his home one last time since someone else was already living there in his family's stead. He flopped down on the couch the long way, bare feet on one head while his head was resting on a nice pillow.

He took a xanax off of the table, and laid down for a while, letting his thoughts calm a bit. When he closed his eyes, he saw the crash pictures, and almost created the string of events in his head, even if he had been knocked out. Could see Marco screaming and crying over his broken and bloody body.

The scars Ace had along his limbs and face showed just how badly the glass had gotten him. He was surprised that he even survived that crash, and even woke up. In that sense, he was lucky. He lived what should have been a fatal car crash. The only lucky thing that had ever happened to him in the long run.

He fell asleep eventually, and did not dream. He only woke up when a furry body laid on his face and made breathing difficult. He picked Lucy up off his face and set her on his chest, patting her orange fur. She may be named after Luffy, but she didn't have his black hair or blue eyes. She was orange with green eyes.

Ace knew that if Luffy was around, the carefree kid would turn into a monster and beat Marco up. He laughed, which turned into cries which turned into sobs that had him putting a pillow over his face to drown out his cries of grief and agony. He was sure the car crash injuries hadn't hurt as much as this did. At the loss of everyone he cared about.

But Marco wanted to try again. Ace didn't know if he shared that desire. He didn't want to end up in an awkward situation, uncomfortable with someone he'd once thought loved him unconditionally. Ace was a burden. But, at least he was living by himself now. Not at home while he was 24. He'd moved out, even if it wasn't by choice. He had to live on his own now. And Marco still lived back where Ace used to be. An hour away. And Ace wouldn't be moving anytime soon. Not again. It was hard enough moving once, having to deal with people taking furniture, having to sign leases, talk to maintenance people.

Marco would never commit to it if Ace was nowhere close. The inconvenience would drive him away once he realized how long it took to get to Ace's new home. Unwisely, he got up, Lucy jumping off his chest and onto the back of the couch, tiny claws scratching across Ace's chest, though not breaking the skin, and went back to his room.

He took the letter back out and looked at the bottom of the page again at the phone number he assumed was Marco's current number. If only he'd picked up when Ace had called, it wouldn't have hurt that he was alone to come around. He sighed, and put the number in his phone, before shutting the letter away again.

Lucy came running out of the bathroom and started running around. He knew some people called it the "poop crazies''. It made Ace laugh. Lucy was a great distraction, the best thing to happen to him since he'd woken up. "Lucy," he called, and patted his leg. The orange kitten ran over and clawed her way onto the couch and then rubbed her nose against Ace's arm. She walked onto his leg and started purring once she laid down, looking up at him with love.

"What should I do about Marco? He left me after my coma. He stopped visiting because he felt guilty. He shouldn't have left. It hurt me, and he felt guilty for hurting me in the first place. I almost died, you know. And now he wants to come back. I'm not sure if I can ever trust him fully again. Things won't be the same. At least, I don't think they will be.

"So what should I do?" Lucy blinked slowly, and then put her head down to fall asleep. "Well, that's not very helpful," he said quietly. He looked at his phone, opened the contacts and looked at the number he hadn't assigned to a name yet.

Instead of messaging him, still not sure if he wanted to do that, he went on facebook, making an account with a fake name just to see if Marco's brother had one, Izo. He searched for Izo Newgate, assuming he shared Marco's last name. He did have an account, and Ace looked at it. He had some things set on public, but not many.

One of them was of their family, and Ace knew they were a big one. Fifteen kids, though many were adopted. Marco was adopted. They were at a Christmas party the year before. The year Marco ditched him near the end. Ace saw everyone laughing and drinking, but he didn't see Marco until near the end, where he was on a couch by himself. He was bent over with his elbows on his legs and hands in his hair.

Looking at the date, it was two days after Marco deserted him. He looked miserable. But if he was miserable, why didn't he come back? He looked at more of Izo's stuff, scrolling down to multiple years ago. There was a photo on valentines day, with Marco proudly holding up a huge stuffed bear and box of chocolates. Ace remembered those were presents for him. Since Ace didn't leave the house, he'd ordered something, which was a very old book that was signed by Marco's favorite author who'd died decades ago. He'd gotten lucky since it was from ebay.

Ace had the giant stuffed bear still in the storage unit in the complex. He didn't bring it inside since it was a massive, unavoidable memory of a happy time that was now mostly seen with pain and heartbreak.

Marco had been so happy in that picture, and then the picture of miserable in the Christmas video. Ace didn't know what to do. What was best for him. Neither option was right to him. Letting Marco back would be like starting over. And as much as the first time was fun, having to redo everything would be a hassle.

But on the other hand, ignoring or rejecting Marco would leave him utterly alone and with no one else who'd ever even consider being with a mess like him. A burden to everyone. Pathetic. The meds were helping him with his agoraphobia, the only reason he was able to leave the house to get cat litter and meds since he couldn't have that delivered.

Sure, he timed it perfectly, going to the store the moment it opened or fifteen minutes before it closed. He hadn't been on meds before, but now that he was living alone, he had them so he could function alright by himself. They helped him, but he still would rather stay home than go out in public.

He didn't respond to the letter that day, or the next. But it was all he could think about. On the third day, he finally texted back.

Chapter Text

Iris Viggiano: Well, it is here!

Llama: You will know very soon. ;)

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: It's the very worst!

Otaku_Girk2176: I used to write ONLY angst. My first many stories killed off Luffy, or made him emotionally or psychologically unstable. Then I discovered how fun it is to write fluff and then some action. Angst always has a special place in my heart, lol. 

I have decided I will no longer post new stories on stupid wattpad. The interface sucks and I'm getting practically no views on any of my stories. Plus there's this rude person who keeps private messaging me demanding me to post new stories. Not chapters, but new STORIES. I posted 45 of them all in one day, just read those! Ugh. Anyways, here's the moment you've been waiting for! Ace's reply! Enjoy~

For the last week, Marco had been pacing more than he'd been sitting. The letter was as honest and short as he could make it. He didn't know if it got delivered or if Ace read it. The more time passed, the more he thought Ace truly never wanted to have anything to do with him again. Embarrassingly, he did cry multiple times. Thinking about what he'd done and imagining a life without Ace. It was a terrible life, to him.

His siblings visited him for comfort, especially Izo and Thatch. Izo had told Marco in detail about how Ace looked, and he wished he hadn't. Ace's face had been pale, and had covered his freckles with makeup. His hair was longer, and his mouth was set in a frown. Marco's face crumpled about the freckles. Since he shared them with his mother, he was probably hiding them so he didn't need to think about her every time he looked in the mirror.

Finally, a week and two days later, he got a text from an unknown number, and opened it immediately.

I can't trust you.

It was simple, and broke Marco's heart, not that he expected anything different. He replied quickly so Ace wouldn't have time to shut off his phone or put it somewhere he couldn't hear it beep. Marco was not going to call him, since he hated talking over the phone in the first place. There was no reason he'd want to do it now.

I know. And I want to spend the rest of my time building it up again.

He saw the little box at the bottom showing Ace was typing back. It stopped a few times, probably because he decided what he was writing wasn't what he should send. He didn't want to see those ones.

I don't know. Things won't be the same.

Marco's face was showing absolute misery, and he was glad his brothers weren't there to see it and comfort him. The only person who could comfort him would be Ace, but that wasn't what was going to happen.

Things might not be exactly the same, but they can still be good. Eventually.

He was being optimistic, but not overly optimistic. Ace didn't reply for a good ten minutes, with Marco tapping his foot and rocking back and forth while waiting for a reply.

I don't know how to again. You were only lucky I let you in. I don't let anyone else in. You know that.

Marco felt hurt at that, but knew Ace didn't mean it the way his depressing brain told him it did. Ace didn't say he only let Marco get close to him as luck, and not that he wanted to. But Marco knew Ace worked very hard alongside Marco to be himself and allow Marco into his heart. Now it was like Marco was locked out of it, and the key had been thrown away. He'd have to make a new key, however long that took.

We will have to work at it together. It will take time but I hope and believe we can do it together. If you never want to see me again, I will do everything I can to not try to make contact ever again. I want to be with you again. From the bottom of my heart.

If Ace shut him out permanently, he could see himself broken forever. If he couldn't handle being in a single other relationship while Ace was asleep, dead to the world, then knowing he was awake and was unable to be with him would be even worse.

I'm not moving back. I can't do it again and I won't. We don't live in the same town anymore, even if we did try again.

That was true, but Marco didn't mind commuting. Maybe he could get a job up where Ace was now living and commute. Maybe he could move there himself once things got better. If they got better. Ace wouldn't want to live with him. He was too self-conscious. Last time he thought they might, they had been at the peak of their relationship. Now they were back down to zero, there was no way near in the future that Ace would want to live with Marco.

Maybe spend the night some time, but not live. At least not soon. Marco never made love to Ace. He didn't offer, and didn't mind when Ace was obvious without saying, that he was uncomfortable with sex. He even wore a shirt when they went to the beach. He'd seen Ace in his underwear once, and he had been humiliated. It was a day he was sick and Marco went to his window and knocked on it with a nice big container of chicken soup.

It hadn't helped, just made Ace embarrassed beyond belief. But Marco never mentioned it again, and they moved on.

I'm not asking you to. I can commute, I don't care about a short distance. It's worth it.

It won't be.

Marco winced. He didn't think it would be worth it. He'd damaged Ace. He clearly didn't think it would work out, but he hadn't flat out said no yet. He hadn't fully rejected him. And Marco would only stop if he said it. Said the words Marco dreaded. He wanted to hear Ace tell him he loved him again.

The first time, they'd been in a pillow fort that he and Luffy made, where Ace and Marco were watching Stranger Things. It got Ace hooked, even though it was a creepy show. He liked it, and he and Ace binged it often. He remembered Ace had grown sleepy and was situated in Marco's lap, dozing. He was tired when he said those three words. Marco hadn't gotten to say it back before he fell asleep. But it still made his heart soar.

It will. I don't care if I need to take a plane to visit you. One hour is little in the grand scheme of things. I'm not asking you to decide right now. Take your time, and don't rush yourself. I don't want to be with you if you don't want to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or pressure you into something you don't want to do.

It showed he wasn't typing for a good five minutes while Marco's eyes didn't once leave the screen. I'll think about it.

Take your time.

Okay.

And the conversation was over. He fell back onto the couch on his back. Ace hadn't seemed like he wanted to be back together again, and Marco felt crushed. He expected Ace to message back in a day that he didn't want to try, wanted to move on. There was no warmth or soul in any of those messages. Of course not, Ace had only just lost everything and everyone. And Marco was a huge part of that pain.

He'd never regretted anything more than walking out on him. And he'd never hoped for anything more than getting past that, even if he had to crawl across spikes, he wanted to be with Ace again.

Sleeping was hard, but he managed. The next day, his phone was with him everywhere, but Ace didn't message back. He went out to hang out with Thatch, trying to distract himself while he waited for Ace to message him back, even if it was to reject. The suspense was killing him. He knew Ace didn't purposely try to hurt people, so he wasn't leaving Marco hanging to hurt him. He really was thinking about it, or busy doing something else.

Thatch tried to cheer him up, but everything they did just reminded him of something he and Ace did when they were happy.

-x-

Ace sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Yes, his therapist could come to him or over video conference if needed, but he couldn't get check ups at home. He'd been in a coma, so he needed weekly check ups after leaving the hospital. After two more visits, it'd change to monthly visits. He was glad, because waiting in the busy waiting room was stressful and scary, even if he had earbuds in.

When he went inside, his doctor asked how he was doing, and Ace, of course, lied. "I'm doing alright." He wasn't. He was in emotional pain, still. And he was confused about what to do with Marco. He seemed sincere, but he was also sincere years ago when he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ace. He was 27 when he said that, so Ace thought he really meant it. He wasn't a teenager making a reckless promise.

The check up went smoothly, like it had been going. They had started when he first woke up. It was daily when he was still in the hospital with the physical therapy to help him move again. Staying in bed for so long, even if he didn't get bedsores, had taken a toll on his health. But he was alive and was physically better. Emotionally, he hadn't progressed much.

Maybe it was because he had no one to hold him up but Lucy, and she couldn't exactly have conversations with her. Well, meowing back and forth wasn't really a conversation. But she made him happy. As happy as he could be right now.

After the appointment, and a refill on his medications, he went to a drive through Starbucks. He had written down what he was going to order so he didn't need to think much and get tripped up and stutter at talking to a stranger. He read off of the list, and had his money in his hand so he just handed it to her when she gave him the drink.

Since it was cold here, still, even though it was late May, he ordered a salted caramel hot chocolate. He'd never had one before, but he knew he was hooked now. It was lucky there was a drive through in the little town. It was close to other cities, but was smaller than they were. He still had to go to the busier places for the doctor's appointments, but that was really it.

He continued to shop for groceries online, only having to get cat litter a couple times. He only had one cat, so one litter box was enough. When he got home, the drink gone, he went inside and was greeted by Lucy sleeping on the top part of the cat tree. She blinked at him tiredly when he walked in, but went back to sleep again.

Tossing the empty cup into the trash under the sink, he went to the couch and flopped down. It really was a nice couch. He'd ordered it online so he didn't have to go shopping, and had gotten lucky that it was actually comfortable.

He looked at his phone and saw his conversation with Marco. He really hadn't messaged him, being patient. Ace sighed, still unsure. He needed someone, but he didn't want it to be someone who made everything exponentially worse. He may not have done it to hurt Ace, but it still had. He looked at his kitten.

"If she comes over I have to respond now, if she doesn't I wait," Ace said to himself. Lucy was still sleeping. "Lucy?" He made little sounds to get her attention, and she woke up and jumped off to run to Ace. "Well, damn."

So, he messaged back. I don't know if it will last, but I'll try. Not in person. Not yet. And he sent it before he could back out. There was only a couple minutes before a reply was sent. Marco had always been good about responding quickly, just like Ace. Well, not this time. But before, he always answered quickly.

Okay that's great! Thank you. Do you just want to text for now?

Ace nodded, before calling himself stupid and replied with a yes.

How are you doing?

Ace shook his head. What a ridiculous question. Of course he was doing terrible. But he didn't say that. He didn't want to have a heart to heart. Not yet. So he played everything down to the max. I'm okay. I got a kitten. That was a good conversation starter, right? Marco asked for a picture, so Ace took one of her laying flat across his lap, legs sticking straight up with her front paws folded against her chest. It was a good picture, so he sent it.

What's her name?

Lucy. Named after Luffy. But she's a girl.

She's very cute. How do you like living in Alkine? It's pretty small, but I heard it's pretty.

Alkine was a lot different from where he used to live. The town was so small there was no gang activity, not that he ever left his house in the first place back home. Well, very rarely. Most everything was spent at home or sometimes Marco's place. He wondered if Marco's home looked the same. Ace's sure didn't. He looked around, thinking about how different it was from home. It didn't feel like home yet, even if he'd been there a couple weeks.

I like it. I can keep the windows open at night. I've been leaving the house more. I have to. But ordering groceries is nice cause they bring it to the door.

Ace didn't want to make the conversation awkward, even if it didn't feel like it was them speaking. There were no silly emojis or jokes or sarcasm. It felt like he was talking to a stranger. Maybe that was a lot better than just diving back into what they used to be. Or at least trying to be.

Your agoraphobia got better?

Ace typed, Taking meds for it helps.

That's good. I'm glad you can leave.

They talked for a while, though not much in depth. Just things on the surface, no feelings, nothing about Ace's family. He was glad of that. He didn't want Marco to try and comfort him only for Ace to reject it. This was going to be hard. He would try as best as he could. But he wasn't going to have all day conversations with Marco. He needed space and time to accept him back. Even if it was right outside the walls he built up.

It would take a lot of work on Marco's part to convince Ace that he still loved him. Ace didn't even know if he was how he used to be. If he could be happy like he was with Marco. Maybe he couldn't ever be happy again, or his personality changed over the crash. He had no one to point it out to him if that was the case. He had no one who knew him before but Marco.

Maybe that was good. He didn't have to pretend to anyone that he was the same as before. He didn't know if that was the case. He did hope not. He didn't want to be happy only because of Lucy.

They stopped talking at dinner time so Ace could make his food. He didn't promise the next time he'd talk to Marco, and he didn't ask. It felt already like things were being repeated. After all, when they met at that bar, they hadn't texted in over a week since then, and Marco was understanding with Ace almost immediately, giving him plenty of space when he needed it.

It had been like Marco had known him his whole life. They clicked, even if Ace felt like a burden for months. It was only when Marco told him he loved him that Ace actually believed he was wanted.

Now, he didn't feel so wanted. He felt pined after. Were those the same things? Did he want Marco to want him? He was so confused and conflicted. While he was eating the chicken meal he'd baked in the nice oven, Lucy jumped up onto the counter, something she did regardless of how many times he took her off, and stared at him with huge eyes about having some chicken.

"You don't get any, I'll get you some canned food when I'm done," Ace said, and slid his plate to the side when a paw was gently moved to the plate. Ace just laughed and rubbed her head. She ran off after that, leaving a bunch of fur on the counter.

After he rinsed off the dish and fork, he put them in the dishwasher and opened a can of catfood. She already had dry food, but he spoiled her. She yowled at his legs, and he smiled before moving to put the little bowl down next to her water. When she drank the water, her tongue would flick the water onto her forehead, and she never noticed. Lucy really was one of a kind.

In an attempt to distract himself, when it came, he bought a drawing tablet. He could afford it, and it might help him out. So it was coming in two days thanks to Amazon Prime shipping. He couldn't wait, so he started doodling on paper. Drawing on paper was foreign to him, and inconvenient. There was no undo button, or zoom, or layers. But he found all of his drawings were dark, representing something he was feeling.

He gave up after a while, though sketching out his feelings was helpful. He didn't hang them up, they were too depressing, so he put them in the drawer of the desk in the second bedroom. The desk had framed photos of my family, so he turned them around for now so they were facing the window and not where he would be sitting.

He went to bed, exhausted emotionally. He didn't cry himself to sleep that night, but he did wake up at 4:30 just to bawl his eyes out. He fell back asleep from that, and didn't wake up until 10:00. He had crusted tears in his eyelashes, and he rubbed it off.

Marco had texted him, but he didn't see it until two hours later. He responded to the "Good morning" with "hi".

He didn't feel like talking right now, so he said that he'd message later.

Okay.

Ace couldn't tell if it was an upset okay, or a cheerful one. He found he didn't really care. He was thinking this wouldn't work out. He held no positive emotion about these messages. If that was the case, though, then why had he texted with him so much the day before. He sat at the bar counter, head in his hands as his elbows were propped up on the granite surface.

"Lucy, what do I do?" he asked when she jumped onto the counter. "I don't know what to feel. I… I'm broken. I'm never gonna mend, no matter if Marco and I end up together again. I'll always feel abandoned and alone, unwanted. My family will never come back, I can't go back to who I was before," he lamented, sobbing by the end. "I want to go home," he whispered. "I want my life back!"

Lucy ran away from the shout, and Ace rested his forehead on the cold countertop, sobbing uncontrollably. "Luffy, mom, please come back! Do-don't leave me all alone! How could you do this to me?" He sobbed for a good 45 minutes before exhausting himself and falling asleep on the bar stool with his upper body on the counter.

He hadn't broken down that bad for a couple of days, and it showed he wasn't better. Would he ever get better or would he always be the shell of a person he was now? He was bored all the time, lonely but didn't want to go anywhere, missing Marco and hating him at the same time. Maybe he didn't miss Marco, he missed what they'd had.

That stupid car crash. He wanted to kill the driver for ruining his life. He wanted him to pay for Marco leaving, for not being able to even go to his family's funeral. Maybe if he'd been there, they wouldn't have gotten on that plane.

What did he do to deserve this? He scratched lines across his arms to anchor himself. It worked. The red lines stayed there for a long time, not fading until an hour later. After that, he threw all of the razors he had in the trash, and ordered an electric one. He put the set of knives he had on the top of the fridge, out of sight. He locked up every medication he could overdose on that wasn't necessary for daily consumption.

He looked for every and any sharp object he could use to self harm, and put them away in places he wouldn't look at. In his closet, or the utility closet on the porch that he locked with a key. He had one pair of scissors left in the house. Nothing else, no exacto knives for opening the few boxes he still had.

Ace was not going down that road. He didn't need any more problems like that. He was messed up enough as it was. Sitting on the carpet against the wall, he looked out the sliding glass windows and at the beautiful view, before standing up and putting on shoes and a jacket. He was going on a walk. He needed fresh air even if he was never really a person who went out hiking or walking unless it was with Marco or Luffy.

He wished he had friends. He had no one other than a cat and someone he didn't even know if he wanted to speak with anymore.

Leaving the apartment, he locked the door and pulled his hood up before wandering away, down the road and into the forest, following paths that were already there. Even when the clouds rolled in and it began to rain, he walked further and further until the trail ended at a small lake.

It was beautiful, and he took out his phone to take some pictures of the view. Not that he had anyone to share them with. He knew if Luffy was there, he'd run into the water with all of his clothes on. He opened the photos in his phone, and looked at the ones that were transferred there from his old phone, thank goodness.

Luffy was there. Lots of pictures of him. Even though they were vastly different, Luffy being a social extrovert and Ace with agoraphobia, they were very close. Luffy would barge into his room and ask him to do things with him, even if Marco was there. He smiled at the image of Luffy smiling, and turned the phone to the lake. "Isn't it pretty, Lu? Probably too cold for you to go in. it's very cold here, you might not like it." Ace turned the phone back around, and said, "I'll visit you and mom soon. Promise," he said, talking to the image of his dead brother. It wasn't really visiting them, since their bodies weren't recovered, but they still had a slot and headstones.

After another hour of sitting at the lake's edge, soaked from the rain and freezing, he left to walk back home, following the trail through the damp forest. He would like to live in a nice place in the woods, away from people but close to nature and silence. But he didn't have the money to build a house. Well, he might, but he was going to not spend so much money on something like that.

After getting back inside, Ace hung his wet clothes on the bathtub railing with some towels under them to dry. He dressed in pajamas since he wouldn't be going anywhere else. He was still cold, and wished there was a fireplace here. So he turned up the heat and curled into a couple blankets, laying on his bed and starting a book he remembered buying a couple days before the accident that he never got around to reading for obvious reasons.

Marco texted a while after Ace got home, asking how his day was. Ace didn't want to talk, but had a feeling it wasn't just for Marco. He was supposed to have a counselor's visit the next day, but he'd called and cancelled. Well, rescheduled. She was understanding about it. Whiskey was a kind person, but he just didn't want to talk about how he was feeling.

Embarrassed that he wasn't any better. He still felt like he was walking across broken glass, trying to make his way down a long hall that ended in a dead end. That was what he felt he was going through. And there was no one else in that hallway to give him shoes.

Fine. I went out on a walk in the forest, he replied, curling up his legs and leaning his back against the wall. His feet were bare and he pulled them under the covers to be warmer. Marco texted back a couple minutes later.

Did you take any pictures?

Ace knew his next question was going to be asking for him to share them, so Ace sent the photos of the lake and leaves above him before it had started to rain. At the lake he'd been under a tree, so the rain hadn't gotten him. It was the walk back and there that got him soaked.

Those are beautiful. Better than the boring park here. And the hiking trails flooded recently and haven't subsided, so I can't go there even if I wanted to.

Ace didn't know how to talk anymore. He didn't know what to reply, how to feel. Talking to Marco felt like a chore. He sighed, and tried to extend his view of the situation. He didn't want to talk to anybody, not just Marco. So was this hesitance and boredom just for Marco? Well, there were people who he wanted to talk to but they were both dead. What was left of their bodies were somewhere in the ocean, or in a shark's stomach.

He threw up at the thought, getting it on his blanket. He cursed and went to wash the damn thing. What a loser. He was throwing up a lot about this. And he didn't think he was sick. It was like his body couldn't handle the sadness, couldn't be broken anymore from gruesome things. Like the sight of the car accident. He was weak.

Okay, Ace messaged.

Are you really okay?

It was clear that Ace wasn't. At least, he didn't want to talk to Marco. So he said the truth, though it wasn't all of it. I threw up. I don't feel like talking to anyone anymore today. I just want to sleep. Sorry.

It's okay. Feel better and have good dreams.

Ace scoffed. He never had good dreams. Even if they were memories of happier days, he still woke up like a knife had been stabbed into his heart. Right through his chest and out his back. Then he's spend the rest of the day trying to pull it out.

Lucy jumped into the dryer later when he had to dry the blanket, and Ace just looked at her fondly and pulled her out. "Trust me, you don't want to be in there when I turn it on." The moment it started running, she went zipping to her cat tree.

He went back to bed while it was in the dryer, and fell back asleep, the next time waking up from hunger. Eat, sleep, do nothing, cry. Eat, sleep, do nothing, cry. Eat, sleep, do nothing, cry. That's what his life felt like. Just doing the motions, finding nothing fun in anything. He was lost. Lost and alone.

It was his fault he was alone, Marco was trying to mend things and Ace wasn't helping at all. He had done nothing wrong to end up in this situation, but for them to even be friends, Ace had to try. But it was hard to try anything, even if he thought it was good for him. He would go on walks more to that lake, and maybe along the smaller trails if it wasn't raining next time.

He was confident he would not be robbed or killed alone in the forest. There was almost zero crime rate in the tiny town. After all, it didn't exactly have large buildings or popular stores. Just small homes, a few small stores like a grocery store and a small Walmart. A couple restaurants and a single Starbucks.

But he liked it. It was peaceful, and he needed peace.

His package came the next day, and he set it up with his laptop in the room with the desk, learning how to use it. He caught on quickly. If there was one good thing about him, he learned new things quickly. New skills. He started drawing immediately, and what he drew was not pretty. Black, formless monsters. A messy sketch of himself broken into tiny pieces. A drawing of him on one side of a cliff with his family and Marco on the other, all smiling with their backs to Ace.

He drew Lucy, the only happy picture he'd made. He mostly drew his pain, his grief and hopelessness. He tried drawing Marco, but ended up deleting it. It was the equivalent of crumpling it up and throwing it in a small trash can. He sighed and turned it off, staring at the wall for a little bit, hands clasped together on the desk.

Chapter Text

Otaku_Girl2176: It only gets worse. Mwahaha. I keep getting rude messages from someone who demands I post new stories daily. I finally blocked them after they didn't get the point. I'm not posting new stories there anymore. The only thing I like about wattpad more than ff.net or ao3 is that you can block people. It's quite handy.

Llama: <3 This chapter is sweet.

Iris Viggiano: I'm glad people don't hate Marco for what he did. I feel successful that he's (sorta, kinda) the antagonist for the very first part but still super likable. 

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: I wonder if I'll ever write a story you don't like lol.

Holy crap this chapter is short. I'm sorry! Just failed part of my programming midterm -_- Wish me luck on the next parts!. Enjoy~

Marco didn't know what to do. It was like talking to a wall with Ace. He didn't put any work into it, but he knew that Ace was feeling hurt right now. Depressed and feeling all alone even if Marco was trying to help. Every time Ace shut him out, he wanted to hurt himself. It wasn't Ace's fault that Marco left. He kept telling himself that every time he felt a twinge of anger or irritation.

Feeling those things made him feel like a complete asshole. But he tried. And he worried so much. He was glad Ace was getting out of his apartment and going on walks. He was so proud of him, but couldn't say that. He didn't want to act like they were best friends or lovers again. They weren't, and with each passing message, a knife was forced deeper into Marco's chest.

Did he really blow it? Was Ace shutting him out, but only making himself message to not make Marco feel bad? He knew what it was like to grieve. When Pops died years ago, he felt lost and alone, but he wasn't. That was the biggest difference. Marco had fourteen brothers, he had people there for him and who loved him.

Ace had no one. No family, no friends, and no Marco. Maybe if he'd been brave enough to stick around, Ace would be less lonely. Sometimes he wanted to break something, anything. He wanted to hurt himself, tear out his hair, be punished for his decision.

His love of his life was not putting any effort into it. Or, he was putting all of his effort into it but it just wasn't enough. He didn't have enough room in his broken heart to let Marco back in. He wanted to drive to Ace's house and give him a big hug, but he knew he couldn't. But what could he do from there? He thought hard, wracked his brain to do something to help.

Then he thought of it. He got up and rummaged through his closet before taking out a stuffed hamster, along with a letter next to it. Luffy had given it to him for Christmas one year. He'd had an orange hamster named Surume, and gave Marco one. It had been a silly gift, and Marco could barely read his writing. Surely Ace would want it. Maybe it would help, let him know Marco was there and knew how he was hurting.

Ace didn't share the hurt with him though Marco knew he felt it. He went out and bought a nice box, white with a purple bow around it, and set the hamster and letter in it, along with a printed photo of Luffy piggybacking on Ace's back, and put that in a small frame. He boxed it up in a cardboard box and didn't mail it. He didn't even want to risk it getting lost. It was too precious and valuable.

He wrote a small letter as well, in a blue envelope that said, "Thinking of you, and will always be here to talk to."

So, he got in the car, gift box in the passenger's seat as he drove to the address he knew by heart now. The complex was as nice in real life as it was on the website. It was beautiful and clean. He drove to where he knew Ace's unit was. A car was parked under his unit number, and it was a nice car, but nothing fancy or big enough to carry more than four people. After all, Ace didn't have friends.

He walked up the two flights of stairs from the side where no window was and so it couldn't show Marco. Like a child, he set the box down and knocked before sprinting away and down the steps, into his car and drove away. He drove back home, doing his best not to check his phone. The drive was not long. It wasn't even an hour, more like 45 minutes. Totally doable to see Ace. He had no problem with it. He'd drive that everyday to see Ace, and wouldn't complain. He could afford the gas it took.

He never wanted to drive Ace anywhere again. Not after the crash that was in his car. All because it broke down on the side of the freeway, and Ace had been in the front seat while Marco was behind the car on the phone with AAA. The car had been there one moment and then it was down the hill and mangled to pieces. It had all happened so fast.

Marco shut that train of thought down by turning on the radio, and couldn't hear his phone buzz where it was on the passenger's seat.

When he got back home and inside, he noticed the phone was blinking, showing he had a message. He hoped it was Ace, but it was hard to know when he had such a big family. It was Ace.

Thank you for the package. I know you're trying. I just… don't want to talk to anyone. I don't have any friends or family so I don't know if it's you I don't want to talk to or everyone and anyone. I'm sorry it seems like I don't put any effort into it. So much effort goes into just getting out of bed. Everything is hard.

Marco had a tragic expression on. Oh, Ace. It wasn't much, but he'd opened up. Marco knew he was miserable, without even having those messages. He knew Ace enough to know how he was dealing with everything. Dealing with his life being ripped away from him in his sleep. Everything had fallen to pieces.

I'm so sorry, Ace. I don't blame you for not opening up. I don't deserve it, not yet, but I'll always be there for you to talk. I know I've caused you harm, too. I know I'm part of your misery. I could have been there for you, but I wasn't and didn't even know about your family.

Ace didn't respond for an hour, even though Marco saw he'd seen it. Ace just didn't have the energy all of the time to talk. After all, just living and functioning was exhausting for him. Marco could relate, but again, he wasn't alone to mourn his loss. No one but Marco and their previous neighbors knew anything about Ace's family. He had no one to talk about common memories or feelings of pain.

Even in Ace's dark mindset, even two years ago, Luffy was his light. And that light was snuffed out. But he did reply later. And Marco, if he didn't feel so sad and guilty, could have smiled. Ace replied with more than he thought he would. He expected Ace to only say "okay" or "thanks" or to just not reply until a day or two later.

I threw up cause I thought of Luffy and mom being eaten by sharks.

Marco scrunched his eyes up, biting his lip. Ace was in so much pain.

The plane blew up before it crashed into the water. They died a quick, painless death.

Marco knew that would not make Ace feel any better, but it was the truth. But it didn't stop Ace from imagining things like that. He would probably have nightmares and dark thoughts for a long time. Especially when he had no one to talk to. And it wasn't his place to ask if Ace was seeing help. Seeing anyone to talk with. With how closed off he was, Marco couldn't see him going out to talk to a stranger. But he did have medication for the agoraphobia, so he'd seen someone at least.

Ace replied quickly this time. I looked up the car crash. I don't know how I'm still alive. Maybe it's just so the universe could put me through a shredder afterwards.

Everything fell apart beneath you. I can sympathize. But I can't feel your pain. It's not fair that you have no one, and I had all my siblings when my dad passed. It's not fair that you were in that car crash. It's not fair to you that I left. Nothing in this situation is even your fault.

Ace didn't answer for a couple minutes. Marco hoped he didn't step over the line. But he replied brutally honest, and Marco was grateful for the honesty.

I don't know if I ever want to see you again, but I can understand why you left. I haven't moved past it, but I see you trying and feel bad about it. I'm still hurt. That your guilt meant more to you than I did. I'm sorry.

Tears were in Marco's eyes, streaming down his cheeks. He screamed into a pillow, and ripped it apart angrily. Furious at himself. He was never not angry with himself. Not since he left. And especially not since he learned Ace woke up alone and lost. He hated himself. He hated the choice he made. Hated that he made Ace feel so unimportant.

He typed out reply after reply, but erased all of them. He needed to make the perfect response, he couldn't play the victim because he wasn't. He couldn't make excuses. He had to be honest but gentle at the same time. Ace wasn't good at it, or it was hard to do right now, but Marco could. He had to.

There's nothing you need to apologize for. You mean more to me than anything. I made a huge mistake, and you're paying the price of it. It's not right. I could have helped you if I hadn't left. I could have been your rock. But I left, and I can't change the past even though I want to.

Ace answered, again, honest. I don't think I love you anymore. But I do miss what we had. I might not be the person I was after everything that's happened. You might leave me again since I was a burden even before the crash.

Marco grit his teeth. He had no idea what to do or say to show he still loved Ace and had never stopped. It was nothing against Ace, it was his own weakness and flaws that made him walk out. I will always love you and have never stopped. You're Ace. No matter any changes, you're Ace and I will always love you. Even if you never love me, I will always love you. Even if you want to just be friends, I'll be there for you. Always.

Okay.

The conversation was over and Ace had shut down again. But he had opened up in the first place. That was progress, even if it drove spikes into his heart. Ace never did anything to be cruel, so it was the truth, not just trying to hurt him for what he'd done. Marco was already in enough pain.

He felt guilt for being in pain when Ace was in so much more. But he'd do something about it. He wouldn't give up and would never lose his love for Ace. Even if they weren't together, and both had their own partners in 20 years, he knew he'd never stop loving Ace.

Loved their memories, his smile, talking to him, his blushes, the hesitant kisses and big hugs. The movie nights, the cuddling, the reading. Being near him had been like a drug for him, and he had said he wanted to be with him forever. It had been the truth and still was, but did he have a right to feel that way? Did he have a right to love what he had helped break? Who he had helped break.

Chapter Text

Iris Viggiano: Hopefully Ace will be able to forgive Marco soon. Poor Marco. 

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: I failed two parts of my exam. T_T 

Charizarrdo: I'm glad I seem to have successfully made both of their sides understandable and their feelings reasonable. At  first Marco was going to be the bad guy, but I made it like this instead. He's a good guy who just made a bad decision when emotional. Poor Marco. And I'm glad you like the story! 

Llama: I think it's the next chapter that is uber cute and emotional at the same time.  There's some heavy sadness, but it's a different kind. I look forward to posting that one!

We see a new character in this one! I'm irritated because Ace's book about his pirate story (One Piece Novel A) isn't arriving to my house until the 7th (it's the 4th) and I need it for a story I'm writing! I'll have to just write around that part and then add in the backstory afterwards. I can't wait to read it and learn about how Ace formed his crew! This story has a trigger warning, but nothing nearly graphic or super upsetting. Just a tiny incident that was an accident. Enjoy~

Ace put the little letter from Luffy in a frame and hung it on the wall. He put the stuffed hamster on the nightstand in his room. He was thankful for Marco giving it to him. It didn't feel like a bribe for him to return the feelings. It felt like he honestly wanted to do what he could to help. And he hadn't put any stamp or anything to make it shippable on the box, meaning he'd driven there and left it.

He wanted to love Marco again. He wanted to be who he was, he wanted to be happy. But he honestly didn't know if the love would come back. And he didn't know when he'd ever be happy again. If ever. Was he being dramatic? Was he making too big a deal out of it? People die all the time. Shit happens, shouldn't he just put it behind him? Wasn't it time he should have moved on already.

Was something wrong with him? He sat at the table, wanting the pain to go away. He should not have called the counselor but now he had to wait another week. Why had he cancelled it? Because he was scared and weak. Maybe that's what Marco felt when he left Ace alone in the hospital room.

Damn it, he wanted to forgive him! He wanted to forgive him because he felt remorse and that's what people do when someone apologizes, right?! He was supposed to forgive him by now. There was definitely something wrong with him. He was broken even before. So uncomfortable to go out in public, and it only got worse after he met Marco.

He knew it wasn't his fault. The doctor had told him agoraphobia started in the late teens and early twenties. It wasn't Marco that caused that, yet he stuck with him when it got really bad. Never laughed at him for being scared to be in a crowd. Skipped out on events so he could stay with Ace when he was having a bad day.

Ace wanted to move on and forgive Marco. There was nothing good to come from continuing to be angry and hurt at what he did. He couldn't change the past. It was impossible. He couldn't time travel and tell mom and Luffy not to get on that plane. He couldn't time travel and tell Marco to not leave him, that he'd wake up to him eventually.

If only he could do all of that.

The pain and regret was too much, and he wanted to feel something else. He dug his nails across his arms, but this time it drew blood. It wasn't much, but he was bleeding by his own hand. Literally. He was disgusted and horrified. That's why he'd hidden the knives. He didn't want to go that way! This would just be going backwards, but it had distracted him from the loss. It had made him upset at something else. But, he didn't want to do this.

He immediately washed off the small cut and put a bandage over it before clipping his fingernails down as short as he could. Lucy was worried about him, and snaking around his legs. But she tripped him and he hit the floor hard. Luckily, he landed on the carpet and no furniture.

But Ace didn't grow mad at her, she hadn't meant for that to happen. He crawled to the wall and sat down against it. There was nothing to do, nothing to look forward to. Nothing. He was alone and his future was not bright. He couldn't smile anymore. He had been able to with Lucy, but now he just couldn't make his mouth move that way. Couldn't use his muscles to pull the corners up even into a fake smile.

The only good thing was that even through he felt hopeless, he didn't want to die. Even if he wanted to see mom and Luffy again, he wouldn't kill himself. Hurt himself, well, he already did. But he wouldn't comit suicide. Maybe he was afraid of dying, and it wasn't resolve that suicide was wrong.

Maybe it was his own weakness.

He wanted a friend, but not in person. He wanted someone to talk to that wasn't his ex-boyfriend. He stood up on shaking knees - why were they shaking? - and went to his computer, and signed up for the first online grief counseling he found. He was anonymous, meaning he could talk all about what he wanted with no possibility anyone found out who he was.

There was already a chat going on, so he read them for a while before he said anything.

Hi…

Welcome! You a newcomer?

Yeah…

The person talking to him was "anonymous 1". Ace was "anonymous 4".

What's your story? It's anonymous, no one will know who you are. You can get everything off of your chest. No one will judge you.

Ace wasn't really comfortable with it, but he needed to talk and didn't want to have to build up friendships when this person was telling him to spill everything. He took the jump and explained everything. From the car crash and coma to how he woke up, and how he was living now. He explained about his agoraphobia and the briefly situation with Marco. He said everything. All the things he didn't tell Marco. All the things he didn't tell the counselor.

Anonymous 1 replied quickly.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a weird coincidence, but my family died, too. Not a plane crash. My mom had cancer and my three brothers were in a car accident. Two of them died and the other is brain dead. I was the only one left and so I had to make the choice of what to do with my brain dead brother.

But I was there for their funerals. I'm so sorry. I think you should keep talking here to people. It really helped me. I'm still not better. I probably won't be for a long time, if ever, but talking to anyone made me end up not killing myself.

Ace was crying, feeling like he could talk to someone who also had his life ripped away. Maybe talking to someone who wasn't in person would help. So he did. For almost the whole rest of the day, Ace talked with anonymous 1. Someone else joined the chat later, who had already known anonymous 1. He or she jumped in as well, but they had a username of "AllyLu". A weird one, but Ace assumed it was something personal.

Ace talked long into the night. He only stopped talking at 1:00 AM, barely able to stay awake.

I have to go to bed now. Will you talk to me again sometime? Ace asked, worried he'd scared them off.

Of course! If you get the app on your phone, we can message like that in a private chat if you want. Anon 1 was a nice person. Ace didn't know if it was a guy or girl, but it didn't really matter. He might have just made a friend. Someone new to talk to with no history with. Anon 1 one didn't know who he was before, meaning Ace didn't need to work to pretend he was the same person. He still didn't know if he was.

If he would always be different or if it was just now that everything was still fresh.

Thank you. It means a lot. I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems except Marco, and it's hard to talk to him after what he did.

I can understand that. And I'm open to talk most times. I'm a programmer, so I mostly work from home which is really cool. I build websites for companies or businesses. And you don't need to give me your name and i won't pry. But you could make a username or something, so you won't just be "anonymous 4".

Ace almost replied that he was anonymous 1, but didn't want to be rude. As he talked, though, he grew afraid and guilty. He'd just told his internet acquaintance more than he'd told Marco. In one sitting. Would Marco be upset? Well, maybe he wouldn't tell him. He said he loved him, and maybe he did. But Ace didn't want him to get jealous.

But he knew Marco would want Ace to have friends. Just, probably not a replacement. Not that anyone could replace Marco, but they could move and attempt to fit in the space he had, even if the role was different. Ace was not looking for love again. Not when it helped break him to pieces once. He wanted a friend. Something he hadn't had since high school. If those people were ever really friends.

I'll try and come up with one. Goodnight. Thank you, really. This means a lot to me.

Anytime! Goodnight.

Ace shut off his computer and went to bed without changing or brushing his teeth. But, though he was exhausted, he couldn't fall asleep. He had talked to a stranger over Marco. Though maybe he was so open with anon 1 because he had a similar, tragic backstory. They'd both lost their whole family. Marco had fourteen other brothers. Ace and anon 1 had nothing.

Maybe he could form his first best-friendship. He'd always wondered what those felt like. He would not get too close to anon 1, he decided. At least, not too fast. He couldn't be abandoned again by someone he could think of as a friend. He already had enough people leave him.

When he woke up, he felt a bit better. He immediately grabbed his phone, and was a bit disappointed to see it was blinking from a message from Marco.

How are you doing?

Ace would be honest. And if Marco got upset, well… Ace didn't know. He didn't think Marco would be mad at him making a friend. Ace didn't want another lover. He wanted Marco, but he didn't. He wanted to want him. Maybe talking to someone else would help him with his Marco troubles. He didn't know how anon 1 would feel about boyfriend troubles. But he was a big piece of his problems.

Better today. I think I made a friend.

Really? That's great! How'd you meet them?

Ace replied with, I joined an online grief counseling site. I don't know who they are and they don't know who I am. They were really nice, and had similar problems to me. Their family all died, too.

Marco didn't reply for a while, and Ace wondered why. But he couldn't judge, he left Marco hanging now, too. But Marco didn't sound upset or anything. I'm happy for you. Having someone you can talk to who knows what you feel in detail will be helpful.

You're not mad?

Marco replied immediately. You aren't my property, Ace. I'm happy you found someone to talk to. You know I'm not the crazy ex-boyfriend type. Besides, you aren't and never were my project. I want you to be happy, even if it's not thanks to me.

Ace had a small smile at the response. He should have known better. Marco had always encouraged Ace to find friends in his own way. Ace just didn't know how to. Or felt he needed one. He had his family and Marco. Now he had no family and a more awkward Marco. Well, Ace made it awkward. Marco didn't, it was all Ace. Thanks, Marco.

Of course. I hope the grief counseling helps you out.

Me too. Though Ace didn't know if it should actually be called grief counseling. As far as he knew, anon 1 wasn't a therapist. He or she was someone who knew pain and wanted to help others. Didn't mean they were a professional.

He ate and showered before going on his phone. He tried to come up with any username, but couldn't think of one. Something meaningful would be good, but he didn't know what. He finally decided on something that was his name but wasn't obvious. AceOfSpades. That worked out. He had come up with it on the spot, but it fit alright.

He set up the account on his phone with the new username, and went to his chat history. The website was formatted strangely, but also simply once he knew how to get to everywhere.

I'm anon 1. I made the account, this is the person from last night. He didn't give his gender becasue it might affect their relationship if they didn't like gay people. If he talked about Marco, it was obvious he was a man. Ace didn't need to share it. At least not yet.

A few minutes passed before he got a new message, only this one had a different username. MaskedDeuce. Yo! I'm glad to hear from you again. How did you sleep?

I didn't have any bad dreams. Had trouble falling asleep, but that's normal for me nowadays. Did you… have bad dreams, too?

All the time. Still do. It's been a year now, and I feel a lot better, but I'll always feel sad when I think of my lost loved ones. Luckily, I had friends to help me through my tough times. I'm sorry that you have no one left. But you can talk to me, if you're comfortable. I don't want to seem pushy, but time is of the essence when you're depressed and lonely. Loneliness and hopelessness can leave for some bad consequences.

Ace agreed. He looked down at the scab on his arm and sighed. He wouldn't tell anyone about that. They might think he was crazy or pathetic. Marco might call help for him, and MaskedDeuce might think he was pathetic. He didn't want to have someone to talk to only to have him leave him.

I agree. I do have someone, but it's complicated.

You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

Ace bit his lip. This was one of his biggest problems, he couldn't get help from anyone without telling them about it. Plus, MaskedDeuce might just think Ace was a girl. And not gross for being gay. He'd never been called something offensive, but Marco said he had.

My sorta-ex-boyfriend. When I was in the coma, before my family died, he just left. He didn't come back. We'd been together for three years. I woke up and my family was dead and he had left me. I couldn't call him. I waited, you know? And I thought maybe something had happened to him, but he was fine. He said he left because he felt guilty every time he saw me. He says he still loves me over text and wants to be with me. That it wasn't my fault he left, it was his own weakness.

He's really nice about it and all, I can't seem to get past feeling abandoned and thrown away. It's hard. I want to love him again. I don't know if I can, and it makes me feel bad. I want to forgive him but I haven't. I don't know what to think or feel.

He finished and drummed his fingers on the table nervously. But it showed that he was responding.

I understand where you're coming from, but I also understand where he's coming from. Just based on that little snippet of information, I think that, if you want to love him, you could talk with him in person. Maybe that would help. You could see if he truly sincere and he can see you and understand the hurt you felt.

Ace was afraid to see him again. He didn't know why. He wanted things to work out. He really did, but it was scary. He didn't like taking risks, seeing him might be a risk. What if he's so happy to see him that it clouds his judgement? What if he forgives him all at once, because he can't do that.

Marco had hurt him too much, even if it was unintended. But… Ace was going to wake up some day. He wasn't brain dead or a vegetable. He had been in a coma, asleep. He wasn't dead. Things were so complicated but so simple. Complicated because he was feeling all sorts of mixed feelings that just left him confused and sad. Simple because Marco left and it hurt Ace.

I don't know. I have a lot of mixed feelings. It's easier to sort them out by myself, Ace replied.

Masked Deuce said, Don't you not want to be alone? I'm sorry I'm just trying to help and I know having someone who cares by your side is a savior. At least for me it was.

Ace looked at his phone, opening the window of photos and looked at the last one he took with Marco. They were so happy. Ace didn't remember what that felt like, just that it felt nice. He felt special with Marco. But he walked out on Ace when he couldn't protest.

Maybe he has survivor's guilt. He would have been in the car with you, too.

Ace's face crumpled. He knew what survivor's guilt was. He felt he had it, being only living because he was unable to be on that plane. It was a terrible feeling. Was Marco feeling that? He immediately went on his computer and googled symptoms of survivor's guilt.

Self-isolation, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Ace dropped his forehead onto the table and groaned. He didn't want to feel bad for Marco, he didn't want another feeling he had to deal with. He didn't want to feel guilt. Marco was trying so hard to get past it and Ace had been nothing but unhelpful. Marco was trying to help solve Ace's problems and not addressing his own.

But was he looking too far into it? Maybe he was. But he hadn't seen Marco since he woke up. He'd seen photos, but he was happy. Then there was that video on Izo's facebook. Where Marco was miserable at a party with his brothers. Ace knew he loved his brothers deeply, treasured them.

Ace had never met any of them except Izo, who he was rude to. Was he the one hurting Marco now? But he didn't want to worry over someone else. But he also wasn't meaning to hurt Marco. He hadn't talked to him on the phone, and he knew how easy it was to add an exclamation point to make something sound cheery.

AceOfSpades? Did I overstep a boundary? I didn't mean to. Ace quickly responded that he was just thinking about what he said, and that he wasn't mad.

I need to think about some stuff. Thank you. I'll tell you if anything happens. Um, is there a way to friend someone on here?

MaskedDeuce sent a smiley face and said he'd friended him. I hope what I said helps and does not make things harder for you.

Ace thanked him again, and then closed the app, staring back at the photo of him and Marco. They were both happy, could they both be happy again? Was Marco even wanting to be together anymore after Ace was shutting him out, even when he was trying to be nice? He might have changed his mind.

His breath left him when he thought of Marco changing his mind. Throwing him away a second time, even though he might deserve it this time. He wanted to see Marco in person to talk about this. So neither of them could fake their emotions. Couldn't hide behind a screen. And over the phone still wasn't enough. He had to see Marco's face and his body language.

Ace's hands shook as he opened the text on his phone and looked at Marco's last message. He sounded so nice. There was no hint in his words that he was faking. But that was easy to do. Pick the right mix of words to not give away what you were really feeling.

Marco, I want to meet up.

Chapter Text

Iris Viggiano: <3 <3

SykoFanGurl: They're both doing their best to help heal Ace. Poor baby, I'm sorry I put you through this!

SofiaEALira: Deuce helps a lot in the next chapter.

Charizarrdo: I've never had Deuce really in one of my stories before, so here he is. And the book got delayed in shipping! >:( 

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: I should still pass the class (or I'm screwed) but I can't retake it or redo the coding part. :(

Some emotional stuff in this one, but nothing compared to the next chapter, which is the last. The next chapter made me cry while writing it, lol. I posted two new stories, one of them a one shot. Check em out! Enjoy~

EDIT: I was wrong, there are 9 chapters in this story so the emotional parts are in the last chapter. Sorry everyone!

Marco just got home when he found out he had a message. He'd been on a run to try and get rid of his nerves. He didn't say it but Marco was worried about Ace's new friend. What if he told Ace to get rid of him? Ace was already not engaged in anything they talked about. He felt it was too late, but didn't want to give up until Ace told him it was over for good.

He opened the text and dropped his water bottle on the wood floor of his home. Ace wanted to see him. But what for? To break up? Well, he assumed they already were. But to let him go for good? Had his friend told him to?

He responded immediately, of course. Sure. Is everything okay? He knew everything was not okay, but about this. Was he okay to talk, or was this the end? He closed the front door behind him and started to get dressed in normal clothes, brushing his teeth and making sure he looked okay.

He was already in the car when Ace messaged back. He read at a stop sign, I just need to talk to you in person. Then he added, It's not bad news. Marco let out a breath he'd been holding and rested his head on the steering wheel. He had pulled into a parking lot and was now parked in a spot, watching the icon movie showing that Ace was typing. Can you meet me here? I want this talk in private.

Absolutely. I'll leave now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Ace apologized for the short notice, but Marco wanted to thank him, for giving him this chance to talk in person. Texting, now that is, was like speaking to a robot. There was no soul in their "conversations". Just Marco trying his best to make Ace understand that he was sorry and still loved him.

Oh, he was nervous. He hadn't seen Ace awake in over two and a half years. He was always sleeping, scars across his face. He hadn't seen him in years in any other position than laying in a bed, dead to the world. But he was awake, and Marco was going to get to see him one last time, if this was the end.

Ace had tried to assure him that this was not a bad meeting, but he might just say that because he wanted Marco to come regardless. But he shot down that thought. Ace was anything but cruel or a liar. If he wanted to break it off completely, he'd be talking differently. Marco could read him like a book, even over text. But this time he had no idea what his intention was.

If it was to end things, then Marco was at least going to be told in person. Though he couldn't see Ace wanting to leave him for good in his new apartment and leave bad memories. He drove the 45 minute drive nervously, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He kept changing the station, trying to distract his mind. He still drove perfectly, but it was hard not imagining being at Ace's door and then having him end it and close the door in his face.

He did his absolute best to not imagine bad outcomes. But why now? Was it because of his online friend? He took a couple deep breaths as he turned down the street that ended with his complex, where he could see the forest that Ace sent him pictures of. He wanted to go in it with him. Wanted to go to the park together, holding hands again.

He parked in a guest spot that was uncovered and took one more calming breath before getting out of the car and locking it with shaking fingers. He looked up, but didn't see Ace waiting at his door. But, he couldn't see it at this angle anyways.

Marco slowly walked up the two flights of stairs to Ace's door. He was waiting on the other side since it opened the second he knocked softly, hesitantly. He walked in and looked around before seeing Ace, holding his cat like he was using it to calm himself. The cat glared at Marco, even though he'd never seen it before. It looked just like in the pictures Ace sent.

His eyes flicked to Ace's face, and he walked forward, putting his hands up to touch the scars on his face. Marco hadn't seen his eyes open in over two years. Pictures of the grey weren't good enough. Ace didn't pull away when Marco's thumbs brushed over the many marks from the glass of his car. He pulled his hands away and quickly apologized. Ace licked his lips nervously.

"So, what's up?" Marco asked, trying to sound anything but terrified. Ace looked thoroughly uncomfortable, and he hadn't acted like that in five years. Afraid of Marco rejecting him, though it had been the opposite for these months.

"I'm sorry it's such short notice. I just had to see you to talk about this," Ace said quietly, setting Lucy down, who zipped away and to the couch, sitting on it and staring at the two. Marco waited with baited breath. "Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me alone?" Ace asked sadly, getting straight to the point.

Marco answered immediately. "Every time I saw your face I knew it was my fault. They said it was possible for you to never wake up, and I… I ju-just couldn't look anymore, "Marco replied, voice breaking. "I'd visit every day and you would never respond to anything, couldn't hear me." He couldn't help the fat tears that left his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Ace. I regret it from the bottom of my heart. I made you feel like you were never loved. I left you all alone." He saw tears in Ace's eyes, too.

"I didn't know about your family until after. Even if you had woken up and they were still there, I still left you, and you didn't know why. I still love you so much, even if you don't love me," Marco confessed. Ace didn't say anything. "Pl-Please say something."

Ace broke into tears. "Don't leave me again," he said in a small, crushed voice. Like all of the happiness had been sucked out of him. Marco didn't understand. Ace had said he didn't love him. Not just a couple days ago. It didn't make sense.

The older walked forward and wiped away a tear with shaking hands. "What do you mean? You said you didn't love me anymore," he said in such confusion. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but Ace wouldn't send such mixed signals on purpose.

"I want to. I don't know what's happening. I want to love you and I should love you, but I just can't feel that feeling! I'm broken, or something. I'm not myself, I'm not who I was and I don't know if I can be that person again," he said, stuttering through it.

Marco touched his cheek. "That's what grief is, Ace. It changes you for a while. Maybe a long while, but you'll be yourself once you're grieving turns into reminiscing of good times. You won't be healed anytime soon. But I want to and will be there for you, if you accept me," he said softly.

Ace wiped his nose and eyes, but didn't put Marco's hand away, so he added a second, wiping away a tear before it spilled. "I'm different, though. You won't like this me," he mumbled in a broken voice.

Marco brought him into a hug. "I love every part and every version of you. I want to help you heal, even if you don't love me until you're better. Or if you ever love me again, I'm happy to help you get through this." Ace sobbed into his shoulder, and Lucy, the cat, was crying at Ace's feet. Ace didn't go to her, instead wrapped his arms around Marco's torso. Ace was a good six inches shorter than Marco, so he was hugged into Marco's collar bone.

"I'm sorry I was so heartless. I didn't think of how you felt after the accident, or after you found I wasn't there anymore," Ace sobbed, his body shaking. Marco put a hand on the back of Ace's head. "Marco, I want mom and Luffy back!" he sobbed, and tears came out of Marco's eyes as well.

He couldn't stand to see Ace like this, but he'd never walk out on him again. Ace was too precious and important. Marco lost him twice already, he was not going through it a third time. Never. Unless Ace truly didn't want him, but he couldn't even entertain that thought at the moment when Ace was in his arms. After one year of hoping and waiting, another year of trying to move on, and three months of absolute regret.

"I know, Ace. I know," Marco said, and picked Ace up to bring to the couch. He sat in Marco's arms, sobbing harder than Marco knew someone even could. "Shhh," he soothed, rubbing his back. This was how it was going to be for a while, and Marco would be there to help him. Help him mourn the loss of all he knew. Mourn the loss of the life he had before the coma.

Hopefully Ace had him now. They sat there for a long time until Ace cried himself to sleep. Marco carried him bridal style and found the room with the bed and tucked him in, holding his hands tightly while he sat next to the bed. It had been awhile, Marco didn't know what was okay for him to do. Before the crash, Ace was fine with Marco napping on the same bed with him. Now, he didn't know what to do.

Lucy wandered in and stared at him for a minute before sitting down and licking her stomach. "Thank you for taking care of Ace," he said to the cat. She ignored him.

-x-

When Ace woke up, Marco was gone. Was it all a dream? "Marco?" he asked, wondering if it had just been a dream and he was alone again. But he heard fast footsteps and saw Marco with a plate of eggs, even though it was closer to lunch than anything else. Lucy was latched onto his thigh, nails dug into his pants and probably skin. "You stayed."

Marco sat down next to him. "Of course I did. I wouldn't leave you while you were sleeping. Never again," he said, taking Ace's hand and intertwining them together. "I'll be here as long as you need me. Want me." Ace nodded and sat up on his bed, taking the plate of eggs with just the right amount of bacon bits.

Marco touched the scab on Ace's arm. It looked bad, but it hadn't been very deep. "What's this?" he asked, looking up at Ace, who looked ashamed.

"I hid all the knives and threw away the razors. I can't get rid of my fingernails, though," he said quietly. Marco leaned down and kissed it. He didn't say anything to scold him or pity him. He missed what they had. This wasn't what they had, but he started to feel maybe that time could come again. Probably not any time in the immediate future, but if Marco stuck around, Ace knew he could feel about him how he did before.

He just had to stick around and not leave again. "Marco, I'm sorry I was so insensitive-" Ace began before Marco put his finger to Ace's lip, silencing him.

"We're both very sorry for what we've done or didn't do to one another. Let's stop apologizing," he said softly. Ace's eyes watered but he nodded. A shaky, not confident smile came to his lips, but it didn't last long. Marco saw it and smiled at him with caring eyes. Ace wanted to apologize again, but he didn't because Marco said they should both stop.

Marco gently touched the scar that went across his cheeks, and smudged the makeup he'd put on his freckles. "Do they bother you? The scars?" Ace shook his head.

"Nobody stares when I go out," Ace said. Then he blushed, "I don't go out much, though." Marco pushed a strand of hair behind Ace's ear so gently. He hadn't been touched like this in many months, to him, when it was actually over two years.

"I like your new place. It's very nice, and it's in a nice location," Marco commented. Ace nodded.

He finished the eggs and said, "I needed to start over somewhere else. So I chose this place. I got in-inheritance money, I could afford it," he said with a sad shrug. He cleared his throat, and could tell things wouldn't be back to how they were immediately. Marco would need to be patient, and he'd always been patient with Ace before. "Do you want to go on a walk?"

"I'd love to," Marco replied, and Ace looked up and nodded, going to the kitchen to rinse the plate off and put it in the dishwasher to run later. Ace put his jacket on and boots, wearing jeans and put his phone in his pocket. He had to message MaskedDeuce later and thank him. If he didn't put things in simple perspective, Ace wouldn't have tried with Marco. Probably.

Ace led him out, and locked the door with the key before pocketing it. He led the way to the entrance to the forest. It was chilly but not raining or going to rain. Marco stared at him, and he grew uncomfortable. Did he do something wrong? "What?" he asked a little defensively. He wasn't doing anything worth staring at.

"Just impressed. Last time you were awake, you barely ever left home. And now you go shopping, drive places, go on walks," Marco said. His hand inched towards Ace's until their fingers touched. Ace pulled it away at first before he reached back out to hold it.

"Meds really help. It's also what I have to do now. I live by myself, I have to be an adult even though I'm on the verge of a panic attack when I go out. But I usually only go shopping when the stores just opened or when they are about to close," Ace explained. Marco ran his thumb in circles on Ace's hand. "Um, will you tell your brother I'm sorry for shutting the door in his face?"

Marco replied, "It was invasive and a breach of privacy to search for you. You don't need to apologize for being upset. It was understandable and Izo wasn't angry." Ace still looked guilty. "I only looked for you because I knew you were hurting and alone. I was presumptuous and thought maybe you would want my company, but it didn't go down how I hoped it would."

Ace looked down. Marco had been trying hard and Ace knew that, but he just didn't believe most of it, didn't want to put the effort in forgiveness until he felt guilt and regret for not taking his feelings into account. Thank goodness MaskedDeuce was there. Though things could go south again. Ace could have a meltdown or moodswing and ruin things. But Marco could also ruin things.

They were on thin ice. It wasn't like how it had been. Ace couldn't tell him all of his thoughts and feelings like he had once been able to do. He couldn't trust he wouldn't put Ace in pain again, even if he might not mean to. It'd been two years since Marco talked to Ace in person, but only a couple months since Ace had. But in those months, so much had changed.

He wasn't even paying attention to where they were going, but followed the trail. Since it wasn't morning anymore, no one was around. Marco commented on the beautiful surroundings. Ace nodded, and they were silent again. When he looked up at Marco, he was smiling, while Ace wasn't. He believed that Marco loved him. Especially now that he'd seen him in person. And Ace wanted to trust him with everything.

Sure, he trusted him not to hurt him physically, or talk about him behind his back, or steal anything. But to not break his heart again? He tried so hard to look at it through his perspective. "Marco, do you have any pictures of me after the crash? When I was in the coma?" he asked suddenly. Maybe seeing what he'd seen would help him forgive and understand. Ace wouldn't ever forget, but hopefully move past it.

Marco tensed, but nodded and they both stopped walking for Marco to take out his phone and search through his photos. Ace saw there was a folder of pictures just of him. Marco scrolled through them quickly and then picked one, showing Ace. he took the phone and his eyes widened. It showed him with irritated and red cuts, stitches all over his face. His nose was broken and he had bruises all over the place. He also had a breathing tube and wires attached.

Ace clamped his lips together so he didn't throw up. He thrust the phone back at Marco, and started to breathe too quickly. He was having a panic attack. He shook, and Marco did his best to ground him, tell him he was no longer hurt, he was safe. Once it was over, Marco brought Ace into his arms. "Shhh," he soothed, and Ace gradually returned back to how he was now. Not normal, but how he'd been for awhile now.

"Sorry," Ace said, humiliated.

"It's alright," Marco replied simply. "Do you want to keep walking or go back?" Ace said he wanted to keep walking, only he didn't hold Marco's hand again since his arms were now wrapped around himself tightly, almost like he was in a straight jacket.

They ended up at the little lake, and Marco said it was so much prettier in person. They sat down, Ace with his knees to his chest while Marco's legs were out in front of him. They were quiet for a bit, listening to the birds and breeze blowing through the trees. The sounds were relaxing.

"Marco, will you tell me about your brothers?" Ace asked. Marco was surprised, since before the accident, they didn't talk much about Marco's family. It just didn't come up much, even though Ace knew he loved his brothers deeply. Maybe it was because the times Marco did bring it up, Ace felt guilt about not seeing them yet.

"Alright," he said, and began to talk about all of his brothers in depth. What kind of people they were, if they had jobs, families. Where they lived, what they liked. He said he loved all of them, but his favorites were Izo and Thatch. The only one Ace had met was Izo, and it was very brief. He still felt bad for being rude. But it had bothered him that Marco found him so quickly after he moved away. To get away from his past and problems. And even though he and Marco might become a thing again, he was glad he got away, started someplace new. It was easier being away from the graves when he knew there was nothing in them. There was nobody to visit, just tombstones with names and dates on them.

"They all liked you a lot for how happy you make me. It was hard after your crash, they saw how depressed I was. Thatch visited you with me once, right after the accident after you were off of life support," Marco explained. He had a dark look on, remembering what had happened. Ace was glad he didn't remember the pain he must have been in. He put his hand on Marco's in comfort.

Marco took a deep breath and then changed the subject. "How are the check ups going? I assume you have to go to the doctor after waking up."

Ace nodded. "I get check ups to see if my brain is functioning right. They said I am doing a good job considering I was in a coma for 2 years. But it's the longer comas that really mess you up. Not that two years is short. I have to go to therapy, but that's a given. I cancelled the last visit. I should be having one the day after tomorrow. The therapist comes to me so I don't have to go out," he explained. Marco nodded, and they were quiet for a while again, both lost in thoughts. Ace didn't ask what he was thinking about like he would have done before.

"Ace? What should I tell my brothers? Are we… trying again? Have you decided yet?" the older asked hesitantly, probably afraid of what the answer would be.

Ace looked down, thinking even though he knew the answer. He was just making sure it was the right one. He wouldn't want to lead Marco on and then change his mind. But seeing him emotional, showing the pain he'd been feeling since the accident and then the pain he felt after he realized he might have blown it with Ace, it made him feel better.

Not better that Marco was hurting, but seeing all of his texts were sincere. "I want to try again. But… I don't know if I'm the same and I don't want to disappoint you." Marco took his hand again since Ace had moved it to hug his knees.

"You're worth it. Always worth it, even if you're a little different. I will do all I can to help you, even if that means you need more space. If you need me, I'll be here, regardless of distance. I promise I won't walk out on you again. If I hadn't left, if I had bit the bullet and not given into my weakness and guilt, I would have wanted to go to the next step. Not sex," he said quickly, knowing that Ace was uncomfortable with that topic.

"Next step?" Ace wondered. What did he mean. Marco's face turned red and he looked away.

"I want to be with you the rest of my life," he said, and that was answer enough. Marco had wanted to propose to him. But now that was messed up, at least for the time being. Ace wouldn't marry him, not until he was as in love with him as he was before.

He looked at Marco, and said, "I can't until I love you as much as I did before." Marco nodded, had a smile on. He said he was glad he didn't just scare him away. "I wish things had been different."

"Me too. From the bottom of my heart."

Ace blushed, and then said, "What about us and… sex? I don't know if or when I'll ever feel confident enough to do that stuff. Isn't sex important in relationships?" Marco shrugged.

"For some people. I would be fine never going all the way as long as you were with me forever. As long as you love me and I love you. And I always will. I've said it a lot, I know, but it's true. I just want you to know, and not think I'm doing this out of pity or guilt," Marco replied. Ace could tell it was honest. He smiled shyly and thanked Marco.

They eventually walked back to Ace's place and Marco ordered pizza since it was dinner time and they were both hungry. They split the bill, even after Marco insisted to pay for the whole thing.

Marco always thought Ace's favorite was gross, but that was a good thing since he never stole his part of the pizza. Marco thought fruit should not go on pizza. "You know tomato is a fruit, too," he always pointed out. Marco always lost that argument, not that it was really one in the first place.

They watched some shows on the smart TV that Ace had gotten. If he was going to live all by himself, then he might as well live comfortably. Ace hesitantly leaned against Marco, who seemed to relax at the touch and just as slowly put his arm around Ace. They had to set new boundaries now. Things wouldn't be the same for a while. Both of them knew it, and accepted it.

Marco left when it was dark out, and Ace told him to be careful. "Don't worry, I'm a good driver," he said. The accident hadn't been his fault but the car broke down and someone either didn't notice or didn't care. Ace was a good driver, too, after his body was able to function properly again.

He went to his computer to tell MaskedDeuce about his day and thank him. He opened the website and went to the chat. I talked to Marco in person. He cried about what happened to me and seemed sincere. I said I'd give it a try again. It didn't feel like how it used to. But I'm gonna try, I said I would. Thanks.

It was a couple minutes before he got a reply. I'm happy I helped you out! Give it time, grief changes you but it doesn't always last. You'll probably go back to who you were after you can smile when thinking of them and not cry. It's a good thing you don't remember the crash or you could have PTSD and panic attacks. That wouldn't be fun. :(

Ace agreed, and thanked him again. They talked a while, and Ace considered this person one of his first friends since his agoraphobia set in. First friend in a long time, and being over the internet made it easier. He didn't need to leave the house and could think more about what his reply would be instead of on the spot.

I gotta go, I'm exhausted and need some sleep. Talk again tomorrow?

Yeah. Goodnight.

You, too.

Chapter Text

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: Next chapter will kill you.

Iris Viggiano: <3 Ace is so sweet and innocent. 

Charizarrdo: Ace needs lots of love and care. The book came yesterday for me. Cover is cool, even though I don't really like how Ace looks on it, lol.

SofiaEALira: Marco walked out on him so Ace needed concrete proof that Marco still loved him. 

Llama : Remember, it's an angst but with a happy ending. No need to worry about a bad ending or where things get worse between the two.

Ahh! I'm sorry I'm late! I was  distracted  by editing other stories I finished! Next chapter is the last chapter, and I like it the most. It'll be a happy ending after how much shit I put Ace and Marco through. I finally finished the only story I'd posted that hadn't been finish before hand, so I'm happy about that. Only less than 2 weeks left of my last class! Fucking horrible class, I'm glad to be done with it. Anyways, enjoy~

Marco was wearing a grin the entire way back home, keping tears away as long as possible. He was so happy, relieved. He knew things were different and would be for a while, but he'd wait as long as necessary to see the old Ace, or a new one he loved, too. Seeing Ace break apart in person had been hard, but it was easier to be sincere when he was there to hug him.

He hadn't planned on crying, but it had just happened. Bringing things back in words and not text hurt more, and just purposely remembering that time had felt like a knife wound again. Seeing Ace awake, though, with his eyes open had been a blessing, and something he'd needed to see. Not just a photo. Even if under those grey eyes were bags and make up covering his adorable freckles, he was so happy to see him awake.

When he got home, he texted Ace that he got back safely. He texted him goodnight, as it was 10:00 now. Ace was probably tired. He hadn't been around someone for hours in a while, since he never went out and his only friend was online. Marco was not going to ask to visit every day like he used to.

He didn't want to push it or step over an invisible boundary. He'd text with him everyday if he let him. He flopped down into bed and pulled the blankets over him, staring to the side at the pictures of Ace he'd put on the wall. It may be weird, but seeing Ace made him happy, even if there was guilt there, too.

Marco hadn't seen any photos of him in Ace's apartment, though there wasn't much on the walls in the first place. A few photos in various places of his late-family. Marco knew that place might be nice and comfortable, but it was not warm like his old home and bedroom/basement.

He fell asleep, happier than he'd been since Ace had entered his coma. When he woke up, he debated whether to wish Ace goodmorning or not. Was it too early? Was it too soon? He deliberated for a long time, staring at his phone before he put it down to go shower. He thought about Lucy, Ace's kitten. She was adorable, but man did she have daggers for claws.

The orange ball of fluff had clawed her way up his leg, digging into his skin and not just his pants. Marco thought maybe she thought he was getting her food, he didn't know. But he didn't dare get mad at Ace's precious cat. Then she had run off when Ace woke up. It was strange, but funny.

When he got back to his room, he saw a text, and didn't think it was from Ace. But it was. Morning.

Goodmorning.

There was no other text for a while, and Marco assumed it took a lot of courage to send that text. He may want to try again, but he wasn't used to this again. It might be how it was before, awkward and hard to bring himself to open up in normal circumstances, not yesterday when he had been holding everything inside with no one to talk to.

Marco called Izo and told him all about going to see Ace and their walk. And gave him Ace's unedited apology. Of course Izo forgave him, and was never mad in the first place. "So you will be back together now?" Izo asked, a smile clear in his voice. Marco heard voices in the background, recognizing Thatch and Haruta's voice. He wondered what they were doing.

"We're going to work at it. Ace is willing to try again. But we both know it'll take a while to get back to where we had been before. After all, it took years to make my way into Ace's private bubble. But I can wait for that day patiently. As long as it comes," Marco replied, cooking breakfast with the phone on speaker on the counter.

"I'm happy for you, Marco. Really happy. I hope everything works out. Just be careful, okay? You lost a lot of trust and know it'll take a long time to come back. Mess up again, and it may never," Izo said in a serious voice. Marco knew that was true and swore he'd never break Ace's heart again.

Marco asked what they were doing, since he could hear their brothers in the background. "Oh, we were making a cake for you. A pity and sympathy cake, but I guess we don't need to anymore. Do you still want some?"

Marco said he'd go over and try the cake since he was in such a good mood. He was smiling the rest of the day.

-x-

Ace just said goodbye to his counselor, who had left a couple minutes ago from his house. He told her about what had happened since he last saw her. She said she was very happy for him, and he found himself smiling the first time in any of their sessions. It was a bit weird. Like his mouth was no longer able to hold it too long. Or maybe it was his brain that couldn't do it.

He texted with Marco for a while while also messaging with MaskedDeuce. They were very different to talk to. MaskedDeuce knew how he felt, had similar experiences, and gave him lots of tips on how to feel better, and they helped.

Marco had lighter things, talking about their day. Marco told him about going to his sibling's house and eating a delicious cake he promise he'd save a slice for Ace to bring it the next time he came over. Ace didn't know when that would be. Taking things slow would be easier on him, especially since he hadn't spent time with anyone closely for what felt like forever.

Being with people at the hospital while in physical therapy and rehab for his brain was not like being with a friend or even an acquaintance. He didn't need to open up or talk about anything other than his body and how it felt.

There were no meaningful conversations there. And since then, he'd never opened up willingly to anyone. The counselor basically had to drag things out of him. So being with Marco for hours the day before had been draining, and he didn't want to have him over every day. Not yet, if ever again.

Ace developed a headache later that day, and stayed in bed with a pillow over his eyes, taking meds when he could. He was always scared of headaches, which were not often, thankfully. He was afraid there was something wrong with his brain. According to the doctors, his recovery was amazing and he was sure Ace would fully recover. He said it was rare to be in his case.

When he was told that, he couldn't bring himself to be happy. He was still devastated over the loss of his family and abandonment of his lover. He could appreciate that he had no long term problems from it now, but he still worried sometimes. He couldn't help it.

His phone vibrated when he was asleep, and he woke up from it, not remembering going to sleep. But his headache was mostly gone, and the curtains were closed so the sun didn't hurt him. He turned the brightness down all the way before he opened the text.

Can we have a Christmas? You missed two. I can have Thatch cook up some winter dishes and we can give some gifts. It's nowhere near Christmas time, so we won't have a tree. But still, you used to always love Christmases.

Ace did. And the plan sounded nice, but he always had Christmas with his family. Well… maybe this would be practice for a real Christmas. He didn't know what he'd get Marco, but he could order something online. Maybe it would be happy. And if it wasn't, Marco had assured him he would be there even when he had breakdowns or panic attacks.

He responded after being sure. Okay. When?

How about next Tuesday? So we have time to buy things.

Okay. We won't have a tree. Or any decorations.

Does it really matter?

Guess not.

Ace went into the living room and looked around. Suddenly, he felt cold. He liked his new apartment, but it didn't feel like home. Nothing on the walls. Only neat furniture that matched well with each other.

He put on clothes for the cold and brought his key chain to drive to the storage unit he'd rented near the back of the complex. When he opened it, it was dark inside but the light shining in from the sun. He pulled the emergency flashlight out of the trunk and shone it in. He left the trunk open so he could put things inside to bring back up.

He dug through things, looking for anything homey but not too painful. He found a stack of video games he had been unable to look at due to the memories of him and Marco playing until they both fell asleep. Now that he was trying again, he hoped they could make new memories with them.

The games were put in the trunk, and he turned back and rummaged some more. He flicked some spiders away, not too bothered. As long as they didn't bite, spiders didn't scare him. He'd had a "pet" spider in a web in the corner ceiling of his old room and named it Pablo. Marco had pointed out that it was dead. It made Ace sad, but he laughed. He'd been saying hello to a spider carcass for months. He smiled a little at the silly memory.

By the time he shut and locked the storage until, he had many things in reusable shopping bags he never used. When he parked back in his designated spot, he carried the bags up and to his unit, unlocking the door and kicking it closed behind him before setting down the bags by the TV stand.

He put up pictures of Luffy and mom, but no group pictures of them. He couldn't stand to see how happy he was with them. He put up paintings that had been on the walls at his old home, and blankets across the backs of the couch and chair. Candles that had never been used completely went on the end table and coffee table. A decorative fake potted plant went in the center of the wood table behind the bar counter. He decorated the place with warm colors, even if it didn't match the light blue walls.

By the time he was done, it felt more homey, but not too similar to his true home. He wondered what the new owners had done with the inside. He didn't want to know or see.

He messaged MaskedDeuce about the Christmas idea, and he thought it was a cute and good idea. Ace hadn't even thought about the fact he'd missed any holidays and birthdays. He was too depressed to care and now that he cared slightly, he still didn't crave for the holidays. Maybe when they came, he'd feel different about it. He searched online for anything worth getting Marco. A couple months ago (in Ace's view) Marco had gotten really into writing short stories. Ace didn't know if he still did that. He'd always liked writing better than typing, and never let Ace read them. Like how Ace didn't like showing others his drawings.

He chose a very beautiful hardback, leather journal with a flap that could lock and only be opened by a key that came with it. Ace thought for a good hour before he ordered it. It was going to get there on Sunday as it was Wednesday then.

The rest of the day he played video games, though not the ones that had good memories. He downloaded one he thought would be distracting, and it was. Marco texted him a couple more times and they talked briefly. It was nothing deep and personal, which Ace was glad of. He had MaskedDeuce to talk to about those things. He would share them with Marco once he was more comfortable.

Marco came over the next day, and Ace awkwardly sat on the couch while he was on the chair before suggesting they play a game. Marco jumped on that, and set up the console and game. It was a fun game with puzzles. Little Big Planet. It really had been two years since this game was no longer popular like it had been last time he played.

He didn't smile too much, but he felt happy and distracted, he was having fun. Marco, when playing competitive games, fell into his second personality which consisted of irritated swear words. Ace found it entertaining since Marco never got too angry.

Ace fell back into step, not noticing he was even doing it, and punched Marco off of a cliff. His sack boy fell to its death, and Marco turned around to narrow his eyes. Ace shrugged, as if asking, "What did I do?"

It soon became a contest of who could out punch the other. They did not get far into the level because of that, but Marco was laughing by the end, and Ace had a small smile on. He had fun. He enjoyed it, and didn't mind doing the same thing for hours.

After a long time, maybe too long, Ace told Marco he needed a nap. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked. Ace floundered with an answer.

"I won't be out long. Maybe 15 minutes. Being with people… it's kind of exhausting. It's like that for everyone. Well, the therapist and you. Only people I see now," Ace explained. Marco gave him a reassuring smile and asked if he could watch TV while he slept. Just that showed how far they had fallen as partners.

Whenever Ace napped two years ago, Marco would play games and wait for him to wake up, or watch TV. He was so comfortable and welcome at Ace's place that he could go to the fridge when he was hungry and eat something in the leftovers section.

"Yeah that's fine," Ace replied, voice a little tight. Marco either didn't notice or didn't say anything about it. Ace got up and walked to his room, closing the door almost fully before crawling under his blankets and setting an alarm on his phone for fifteen minutes.

When he woke up, Marco was napping on the couch, head against the back of it with his mouth barely open. Marco was much taller than Ace, so his head was higher on the couch. Ace didn't want to wake him, and so tapped the older man's phone once to see he had an alarm set for five more minutes. So Ace went into the kitchen and started making some brownies. Marco mentioning holiday food had made him crave brownies.

Marco woke up while he was mixing the batter. He walked over, stretching and asked if he could help. "You could keep Lucy from jumping on the counter and play with her," he replied. "She's too curious for her own good. But I love her." He had a small smile on and Marco looked at Lucy wiggling her butt to try and jump on the counter.

Marco picked her up before she could, and she wriggled around, meowing angrily. But, when he picked up a string toy, she forgot about her anger and wish to watch Ace bake. She played with the toy and with tons of energy.

The smell of brownies wafted into the apartment, and when Marco walked back to the kitchen area, Lucy did not like that and climbed up Marco's pant leg again. "Lucy, no," Ace scolded, and the kitten jumped off and fled to the guest bedroom turned office. Marco chuckled at her.

Ace had cut up the brownies and poured tons of powdered sugar over Marco's. "Oh. Is that too much? You used to like a lot," Ace said awkwardly. Marco said that that was right, and took the brownies to the little table. "I never use that, I use the bar counter. But you could sit there," he added quickly. Marco's face fell just slightly, and Ace knew he was thinking the same thing. It was almost uncomfortable.

But Ace had learned that he could still have a lot of fun with Marco. They just had to get comfortable again. Marco was in the dark as much as Ace was. They knew so much about each other but time had passed and things could be different and they didn't know it. It felt like they'd just met all over again, but there wasn't the pure excitement feeling.

"I'm sorry," Ace apologized, sitting next to Marco on the comfy stool. "I'm trying, I swear."

Marco touched his cheek gently. "I can tell. There's no need to rush. Promise, I'm not mad. It's been a long time, y'know? We have to reestablish what's comfortable to talk about. I'm trying, too."

"I know. I just wish I could fall back into step with you, how we were. I had fun playing the game, but then things went dark again after waking up," Ace replied.

"Well, maybe things will be better for our Christmas," Marco said positively. He was always the positive one in the relationship. Ace had anxiety about many things, still did, but Marco always looked at the bright side. And he was doing that still. And Ace was glad.

Ace looked at both of his eyes, which were full of warmth and honesty. "I think I can love you again. I don't know when," the younger said. Marco touched his cheek again, something he'd always done, tracing his freckles, but with them hidden, he was tracing the scars.

"I can wait for however long that takes. I'm a patient person, you know," he replied. Ace nodded and thanked him. "No need to thank me. I'm just telling the truth." He ate another brownie and reached for another before looking at Ace, who nodded in permission. He said he could have as many as he wanted, and that Ace couldn't eat all of them himself.

For once, the silence was comfortable, and Ace hoped that was a step in the right direction. After Marco left, Ace telling him to be careful again, he went to clean up the plates and put the remaining few brownies into a plastic container and back into the fridge. He cleaned up anything that had been disturbed. Which was strange. Before the accident, he was not a neat freak. He sighed, and rubbed his forehead before going to take a long bath.

Marco was sick for the week, and couldn't come over until he was better, but promised to be fine by their little Christmas. So Ace was alone at home, and decided he'd try to make it a better fake holiday with makeshift decorations.

He found fairy lights in a box in the storage unit, and some art and craft supplies. He took them home, but didn't have a tree, so he wrapped the fairy lights around a tall lamp. He made a wreath out of wire with leaves stabbed into it. It looked crappy, but he couldn't go buy a wreath at this time of year. Marco said he'd be bringing the food.

Ace had had Thatch's cooking before, even if he'd never met him, so he knew it was good. He looked forward to the deserts. He wondered what they'd have for dinner since it would be a night time celebration.

The present came on Sunday like it was supposed to, while he was texting with Marco, who said he was feeling much better but wanted to wait a couple days just to make sure. But he'd be there on Tuesday.

The leather journal was beautiful, but he didn't know if he should write anything in it. He couldn't think of anything personal and meaningful to write. He felt like it wasn't very heartfelt. And hopefully Marco still liked writing. It was the only thing he could think of.

His place was terribly decorated, but he thought Marco would think it was funny. Neither of them had laughed too much around each other. He really wondered what his gift would be. He hoped nothing too expensive, even though the journal was $50.

Chapter Text

Sixcupsofcoffeetogo: <3 Thank you. 

Iris Viggiano: Yeah, this was a shorter one than my usual stories but I'm glad so many people liked it!

Llama: If you want a cavity from the sweet fluff you should check out my new baby Luffy fic, lol. I love all sorts of fluff.

Chizzardo: Baby steps pay off in the beginning! 

Ao3 definitely likes romance fics more than on ff.net. I got maybe 2 reviews there, and less than half the amount of views compared to here. All of my romance fics never really caught on there, mostly the fluffy baby Luffy stories do the best there. Anyways, we're at the end of this one. I totally cried when writing this chapter. It's really emotional and sweet. Three more days of this class and then I'm hopefully done with coding forever! Check out my new baby Luffy story. Enjoy~

When the day came, Ace already had the present wrapped and under the lamp-tree. There were no ornaments since Ace didn't want to break any hanging them on the one switches of the lamp. It would be a waste. Ace didn't want to ruin anything related to his old life.

Marco texted that he was there and needed some help getting things inside. Ace left the apartment, closing the door so Lucy didn't run out, and walked down the stairs to Marco's car, which was obviously different than the one that had gotten totaled with Ace inside.

He worried when he saw Marco had gotten him three gifts. But he helped the food containers out. He couldn't see through them so he had no idea what they were. They both walked up the stairs, Marco holding the bag with three gifts and Ace carrying the food. When they entered, Lucy tried to sneak out to see the outside instead of just curious through the window and Ace shook his foot at her to get away from the door.

"I like the decorations," Marco joked. "Better than nothing, right? But it's not complete yet," he said, setting the gifts at the base of the lamp where the other wrapped gift was. He brought out two santa hats from his pocket and plopped one down on Ace's head and then his own.

"This is silly," Ace said.

"You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that."

Marco smiled, and said, "Good". Ace got out plates and silverware and brought it to the TV. He didn't want to eat at the table or bar, so they would eat on the carpet after Ace put a blanket over it. Marco looked at him questioningly. "I don't own this place, and I've sorta become a neat-freak after the coma," he explained awkwardly.

"Ah, that makes sense. I was wondering why everything was so clean. At least you didn't become a hoarder or something," he said, and opened the first container. It was pieces of what looked like glazed turkey. It was already cut so they didn't have the rest of the carcass to throw away. All of the good parts were there. There were some green beans and a few rolls. Then there were three different types of dessert, and somehow, Christmas Peeps.

One was a tub of brownies with pieces of mint candy in them. Probably not candy canes, but those ones that come in little wrappers. Then there was fudge, and then pumpkin pie. "How did you get Peeps and pumpkin pie?" Ace asked in almost amazement. It was spring, long overdue for Christmas desserts and candies.

"Well, the Peeps are inedible. I found them in Izo's pantry from three years ago. It's just to get us into the spirit. Thatch baked the pumpkin pie himself. They don't sell it in stores at this time of year. The mint candy isn't candy cane, it's regular peppermint candy. And then the fudge was from Izo.

"I made the turkey, so let's hope I did okay. If not then we can order out," he said cheerily. It was making Ace feel happy. His gifts were even wrapped in holiday wrapping. Ace heated up and served the turkey and distributed the green beans and rolls evenly. Ace turned on a christmas movie, and Marco grinned.

"Wh-what? I wanted it to be successful," he said shyly.

Marco replied, "I'm glad. I was hoping it wouldn't be boring and unnecessary to you. I want you to have a do-over for the ones you missed. We can open presents after we've gorged ourselves on food and sweets."

They watched the movie in semi-darkness as they ate everything Marco brought. By the end, Ace was so full it was almost uncomfortable and both of them ended up being potatoes on the couch. It was familiar for Ace, and comfortable. After the movie's end credits began, Ace turned it off and Marco turned on the lamp on the table and the fairy lights on the taller lamp.

"Present time," Marco announced. "I want you to open mine last." Ace nodded, and handed him the box.

"I don't know if you still like it since it's based on 2 years ago but I didn't know what else to get," Ace said quickly, afraid of rejection. Marco just smiled at him reassuringly, and neatly opened the box. His eyes widened when he pulled out the journal. It was really pretty to Ace. hard back but leather and with a decorative lock and key that didn't interfere with writing. "You never liked me reading any of your stories so I got one with a lock."

Marco opened it to see the crisp, lined pages. "It's beautiful. I do still write, though not as often as I used to. After everything sharply went down hill, I lost the urge for a while. But I'll get back into it now that things are better. You're awake and recovered and giving us another chance," Marco explained. "I really love it, Ace." The younger smiled, glad.

Marco handed him the thinner box, and when Ace opened it, he was confused. Before he asked, Marco explained that they were certificates for naming stars. "You go online and register a star to name, and it's the official name. I got two, for, you know," Marco explained softly. Ace looked up and thanked him with sad eyes. It was so thoughtful, and unique. He wondered what the other two were.

Ace was obviously going to name the two stars "Luffy" and "Rouge". He put the things gentle down to the side and went to the second box. He opened it to find it was a windchime. He was allowed windchimes on the back patio, which was nice, though he didn't have any. He pulled it out and was about to say it was pretty before the windcatcher was seen fully. One side said "Luffy" and the other side was the date of his birthday, and not his death day. Ace opened to see the second was the same but the name was "Rouge".

"I figured these would be easier and more heartfelt than visiting an empty grave in another city. You can listen to them in the wind and think of your family. I put their birthdays instead of death days. You don't need to see their date every time you see them," Marco explained. Tears fell down Ace's cheeks, silent and slow, looking at the meaningful reminders.

He was right, Ace didn't like visiting an empty grave. He wiped the tears and snot. "Th-thank you," he stuttered. He tried so hard to keep it together before he curled in a ball and started to sob. But he wasn't mad at Marco for making him cry, he loved the gifts.

The older put his arm around Ace and rested his cheek on his head. "Want to hang them up?" he asked quietly, softly. Ace nodded and stood up. Marco pulled two hooks out of his pocket, and Ace gently carried the chimes to the back patio through the sliding glass door. Marco hung them up on either corner, since he could reach and Ace couldn't.

They chimed softly in the wind, and Ace was happy he liked the sound. "Those good places?" Ace nodded, and when Marco turned around, he hugged him tightly. Marco didn't waste any time and hugged him back, putting his face in the crook of Ace's neck. "I'm sorry it made you cry," he said quietly.

"Thank you, I love them. Merry Christmas," Ace mumbled.

"Merry Christmas, Ace."

-x-

Marco's gifts were amazing. He'd never been given anything as meaningful as the windchimes. He felt much more connected to his family than he did when he visited their empty graves while still living in the hospital before moving away. He even ordered a telescope so he could look at the two stars next to one another every night at 8:00. He told Ace in a card that every night at 8:00 the stars would be visible from Ace's balcony. Luffy and mom were in the stars now.

He'd just sit on the patio and listen to the chimes and look at the two stars. It made him so content to just listen and remember. He still cried, a lot, but the windchimes made him happy even through the pain he was feeling in his heart.

Ace had forgotten this side of Marco. Mostly because tragic things didn't often happen in Ace's life. Marco assured him about other things, like his low-self esteem and fear of going places before the meds made him just barely able to go out on short trips. His fear of getting close to other people.

When Luffy had gotten hurt when he was fifteen and Ace wasn't able to go to the hospital without having a panic attack, Marco went out and got two nice cameras that connected both of them for Ace to talk to Luffy at the hospital. He'd gone to where Luffy had been, gave him the camera and explained how to use it without Ace knowing. It was a nice surprise, and he talked to Luffy for hours over those cameras.

The one Luffy had used was broken and had been thrown away, but Ace's was in a box in the storage unit. Marco had always been attuned to Ace's feelings and moods. He truly didn't know why Marco put up with his problems. And even now, when he had more of them.

Marco's answer was always that he loved him, and not everyone lived perfect lives. Ace had once told Marco he had no problems and Ace had too many. So the older man had brought over a journal he kept as a kid and late teenager, and read off his worst days. Just to show Ace that not everyone who smiled all the time had a perfect life.

He remembered that night was the first time Marco had slept over. He'd slept on the couch in Ace's room while Ace was on his bed. He couldn't believe he had been surprised that Marco got him gifts like that. Not specifically those, but why did he expect to get something meaningless, like a video game or book? He felt bad about it, thinking he'd get something like that.

Maybe he'd scheduled the whole Christmas time so he could give Ace those gifts without him insisting he didn't want any gifts. If it was, then it worked, and if it wasn't, Ace enjoyed it anyways.

The morning after Christmas night, Ace had told MaskedDeuce, and he said Don't let that one slip through your fingers. He may have made mistakes, but I've never heard of anything so heartfelt and caring and understanding.

Ace had agreed. The night after the little party, Ace had taken a photo of both windchimes and with the two stars right behind them. Somehow, Marco had reserved two stars where Ace could see them from his windows every night before bed. Ace believed that Marco loved him from those gifts. The sentiment and kindness imbued deep inside them.

Though he was glad Marco liked his gift, it could in no way compare to what he was given. Not just by how expensive all four things had been. Did he love Marco, or just what he did? He was strongly leaning toward the former. He didn't do it to bribe his love, Ace knew that for sure. It wasn't just the way he gave the gifts, how he reacted to Ace's reaction that showed care and love. How he hung them up, knowing Ace couldn't because he was too emotional, how he did his homework and told Ace what time the stars would be visible at the perfect angle.

Ace felt himself falling back in love with Marco. It was slow, but it was there. He didn't want to promise it, but he could feel he was falling deeper. It made him uncertain, but it also felt just as good as the first time. Though it was a bit easier, since he knew Marco loved him already. He loved Ace even with his baggage, which was more than it had been before the accident.

Marco loved him. And Ace felt he was at least returning the feeling slightly. He went to bed happy, window open so he could listen to the chimes. The chimes kept the bad dreams away. At least for the last three nights.

Lucy liked the windchimes and would sit on the cat tree he'd moved near the back door and watch them sway back and forth.

When he woke up a couple days later, he looked at his phone and saw Marco texted him. Hsi heart started beating rapidly, and he frowned at the reaction. He read the message, which just said, Good morning.

Morning.

How'd you sleep?

Ace fumbled to text back as soon as possible. No nightmares. The windchimes help.

I'm glad! I'm happy you liked them.

Me too.

Ace stood up and put a shirt and pants on since he slept in his underwear when no one was there, and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, holding his phone, waiting for another text. Waiting for a response, which took almost no time in being sent. He spit out the toothpaste and scrubbed his teeth with water before shoving it back in the cup and looking at his phone.

I started writing in the journal you gave me. Kind of nervous to. What if I write something crappy and ruin it? Like how you would hate drawing in sketchbooks since you worried about messing them up. Ace remembered that time. It had been Ace's first birthday with Marco, and he bought Ace a bunch of sketchbooks. Ace had felt anxiety about lying and thanking him.

Of course, Marco had noticed his change in demeanor. Asked if he didn't want them. Ace had apologized, that he had anxiety about sketchbooks, not wanting to ruin them with a bad drawing. He'd said he always liked digital in highschool more.

The next day, Ace had a new present, a graphics tablet. Marco ended up giving the sketchbooks to one of his artsy brothers. Ace smiled at the memory.

It's easier on the computer. You get all sorts of hacks, like the undo button and especially using layers. I got a really nice tablet. All I can draw is sad stuff, though. Therapist said drawing emotions was good for you, but they're all so depressing.

Marco sent a heart emoji, making Ace wonder why. You sent me a text in detail! Ace could read the excitement and blushed. I'm happy. And I knew you always wanted that tablet but didn't want to ask someone to buy it. I'm glad you finally got it, even if it is in sad times.

Ace went to the kitchen to make toast for breakfast, feeling if he focused on anything more, he'd burn the place down because of how distracted he was. Ace's heart was finally slowing, so maybe it wasn't from Marco's text. Maybe he had a flood of anxiety over something. He didn't know. Maybe the leftovers of a bad dream he couldn't fully remember?

So he tested it, and went into his gallery on his phone and searched for Marco's name. He felt his pulse first and then opened the folder and saw Marco's smiling face, or the selfie of them with Marco kissing Ace's cheek while he blushed.

Ace's heart started hammering again. He didn't even need to take his pulse to notice the difference. He forgot about the toast and left them in the toaster to get cold as he rushed to his computer to talk to MaskedDeuce.

I think I'm falling in love with him again. My heart is beating really fast when I see or get a text from him. What do I do?

Did he tell Marco and risk getting his hopes up, or hide it? Hiding it would be physically uncomfortable. And he wanted Marco to be happy, so surely it would make him happy to hear? And then Ace would be happy, too. Was it silly, though? To go through this all over again even though he'd felt it before for the same person? He wondered if he actually had no longer loved Marco, and now that's why he was feeling it from the start?

He was a bit confused, but then MaskedDeuce replied. Is that a bad thing? Do you not want to love him again?

No… It's not a bad feeling. I want to love him again.

Then you should be happy! You're in love again, right?

Ace frowned. He was happy, but he also felt a lot of anxiety over hurting Marco. He didn't want to jump the gun and leave him disappointed. He thought it would take much longer than a few weeks to feel this way again, if ever. I am happy, but also scared of hurting him. I don't want to say I love him again and then take it back.

I'm not an expert in relationships or anything like that, but maybe see him in person and then you can see how you feel. Like a test or something, just to see, his internet friend messaged. Ace looked at his phone, and realized he hadn't responded.

Yeah it's nice. I should use it more, though. I don't like the drawings I make at the moment. Leave me feeling broken or something. I know I am, but I don't like seeing what comes of it, he texted, being so honest and he didn't even realize it until he sent it and reread the message. But he'd sent that, something emotional when usually his texts were lackluster at best.

You're not broken, Ace. You're in a lot of pain, but it doesn't mean you're broken. Everyone feels pain when loved ones are no longer there. Everyone feels like some part of them was ripped away. Your feelings are unique, but you're not alone in that thinking. It's how myself and my brothers all felt when Pops passed. You were alone, and that probably made it a lot worse. Ace nodded along, knowing that his feelings weren't uncommon. His therapist told him that at almost every appointment. He wondered if he was annoying her yet.

I'm not alone anymore, though.

You mean your internet friend?

No…

...me?

Yeah. Will you come over today? Ace asked, taking his friend's advice. He wanted to see. How he felt with Marco there, not just on the phone or in pictures. He didn't know what he wanted to feel when he came. He wanted to love again, he knew that was the truth. But he was afraid of changing his mind.

He may have been bitter at the beginning, wanting Marco to just leave him alone, but he didn't want to hurt him and himself at the same time. He wanted Marco to be happy, and he made it seem like he was only happy with Ace. it was a lot of pressure on him if he didn't actually love him back. Well, he'd see in a little while.

I will. I'll leave right now. I'll be driving, but will be there in a little while.

Ace told him to be careful, and he responded with a smiley face. Was this showing things were going back to how they were when he started using emojis again? Did Marco feel it, too? Was Ace's texts way too obvious, or was he just so excited Ace was having real conversations over text now.

He waited impatiently for Marco to come, and when he heard a beep from outside, sounding like a car locking, he looked out of the front window and saw Marco's car, but he was gone from view. Meaning he was walking up the stairs. Ace looked around, making sure everything was clean as his heartbeat quickened.

Marco knocked and Ace opened the door to let him in. He had two starbucks cups. He smiled brightly. "I knew you liked the salted caramel hot chocolate, so I went to the drive through," he said, and handed Ace a warm cup.

"Thanks," Ace said. He looked at Marco and the butterflies were even stronger in person. He remembered this so well. He had hated the feelings the first time, scared of them, scared of what Marco would think even if he was incredibly obvious about his attractions to Ace.

Ace looked down with a blush, unable to control it. He didn't see Marco's grin at the act. He walked to the couch and set his drink on a coaster. Ace put his down on another and sat down next to Marco, but not too close. "Is everything okay? Was there a reason for inviting me over?" the older asked pleasantly.

"Um…" Ace said uncertainty. He'd never been a good liar, and Marco knew all of his tells.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Marco said smoothly. He was so careful about boundaries now. Always giving Ace a chance to say no without saying it directly. He respected when Ace closed up, which was more than often nowadays.

"Um," he said again. "I wanted to see something. If I got the butterflies in person, too…" he mumbled the last part. Marco's eyes widened, and he clearly wanted to ask for clarification but held back.

"Are they unpleasant?"

Ace shook his head. "Familiar. How I felt when I started liking you the first time." Marco looked at him in disbelief. "This i-is what I remember love feeling like. But I'm scared to hurt you."

Marco took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "Don't rush it if you don't want to. And this time you know I won't reject your love. I'll be so happy to have it again." He pushed a strand of hair behind Ace's ear. "I don't want either of us to be hurt, but I want both of us to be honest."

Ace touched the hand by his face and held it to his cheek. "If not already, I think I will love you again. Maybe soon," Ace said, eyes flicked from one of Marco's eyes to the other, waiting for the response. Marco's cheeks turned red and he wiped his eyes, but no tears came. He just had a shaky grin.

"I'm here with open arms when you're ready," Marco said, eyes bright and looking so purely happy. Ace gave a wobbly smile. Then he looked down, eyes darkening with sadness. The switch was so sudden.

"Am I allowed to? When mom and Luffy are gone, am I allowed to be happy?" Ace asked in a small voice. Small and uncertain.

Marco moved Ace so he was leaning against the older man. "I know for a fact they would want you to be happy instead of sad. Being sad about the loss is going to continue, but you can feel more than one emotion through all of this. You aren't only allowed to feel either sad or happy and the other one is just not included. You can be sad about their deaths but happy knowing you have someone else. Someone who won't leave again. You can have a rock to hold onto through the terrible storm and grief. Like your internet friend. You and him both have similar stories right?"

"You're my rock. He's my therapist, you're my rock. Now you are, that is… I think. I-I'm sorry if I'm sending mixed signals," Ace stuttered, face flaming. Was he being too blunt. Marco just chuckled.

"I'm used to the mixed signals. I think I can navigate through them pretty well by now," he replied, and hugged Ace, who hugged him back. "I will help you be happy as much as I can, and will be here when you need even a hug. The drive doesn't matter to me. It's all worth it and will always be worth it to spend time with you."

Ace hugged Marco back tighter, hands fisting in his shirt. He wasn't supposed to be so happy right now, but he was. Overjoyed. He felt hope. He felt motivation to try with Marco. He didn't know if he even had to try anymore. It was like he flipped a switch. "I love you, Ace," he whispered and kissed Ace's forehead sweetly.

"I… I'm scared to say it but I love you, too. I want to, and it seems… easier now. I think it's from the chimes. Not just from the gift, even though I love it. Just, the way you knew what to do, how to help. Showed me you loved me in anything other than words. Hugging me…" he said, looking down at their joined hands. "Holding me when I was crying, knowing just what to get me that would help me. Wanting to help me without ever being asked."

Marco replied with, "You don't need to ask a loved one for help. If they're a loved one, they will help you no matter if you ask or not."

"I don't have any loved ones anymore other than you," Ace whispered.

"Well, you'll always have me. I'm not letting you slip through my fingers again," Marco said, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Ace's forehead. It was familiar, he used to do that whenever Ace fell asleep. Even when he pretended to be asleep, Marco did that. He let his eyes close, too. He had felt nothing but relief when Marco said he wouldn't let Ace go.

Marco pulled his lips away after a few long seconds and looked at Ace with such love in his eyes. Love and adoration. "You know I will still have episodes. I won't want to go places with you. I… I'm better than I was, but it will never be gone. I will always, at some level, not want to go places. I don't want to hold you down," Ace said emphatically, watching Marco's blue eyes carefully.

"I know, and I accept all of you, happily. I know you're scared of change, I know you don't like meeting new people, I know all of it. If I wasn't okay with any of that I would have run a long time ago," Marco said softly, threading his fingers through Ace's hair, combing through the longer hair. It had been cut before he left the hospital, but it had been months since the last haircut.

Marco wiped his fingers across Ace's cheeks, and he realized he hadn't put the makeup on that morning. He'd been so distracted that he hadn't felt pain at seeing his mother's freckles in the mirror.

"How can I convince you that I'm here to stay?" Marco wondered.

"I didn't say you haven't," Ace replied. Then he looked down. "I want to be able to meet your family, go to gatherings and reunions. Maybe I can someday if I up the meds or something. I want you to be able to share who you love with your family. And I know you want me to meet them, too. Maybe one at a time?" he offered, voice shaking in uncertainty.

Marco said, "There's no rush. I'm not even 30 yet. Everyone and everything can wait for your comfort. I'll never make you go somewhere you don't want to. Never again." His voice broke at that part. After all, the accident happened because they were heading to Marco's reunion barbeque and he was taking Ace with him.

"I've never blamed you for that. It wasn't reckless driving on your part. I don't remember anything after you left the car. I was in the car, and then I was waking up in a hospital bed. You suffered for two years while I was asleep," Ace mumbled.

Marco told him he didn't mean to, that it wasn't his fault it happened. "Well, you didn't mean to have the car crash, it wasn't your fault that happened, either," Ace pointed out. Marco chuckled.

"You got me. Let's stop blaming ourselves and each other. We can blame the truck driver," he said, only joking a little bit. Ace smiled at him, eyes brighter than they'd been in the last two and a half years. They were bright because he was looking at Marco.

-x-

On the way home that night, Marco was laughing and grinning like a mad man. He was not expecting to go to Ace's home and basically be told he loved him again. Marco could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes. The love they'd had. He knew every look Ace gave in those three years they were together. All of the different laughs, smiles, cries. He knew the look of love and saw it on his face for most of the day. He hadn't felt so light in years.

When he got home, he crashed on the couch, laughing quietly. His mouth had started to hurt from being stretched into a grin for so long. He was about to call Izo and tell him the good news when he got a message from Ace.

Make it home okay?

Yup. Just walked in.

I'm silly. And stupid. Marco wondered where this was going and asked why he felt that. The second you drove away I wanted to tell you to be careful. And love you. After all that stuff we talked about, I almost said it. I wanted to.

Marco swallowed, not really understanding where Ace was going with this. If you did say it, did you mean it?

Yeah. I love you.

Marco went to bed that night, very, very happy, after two hours of gushing with Izo. Not giving away every detail, but telling his brother just how wonderful love was, and it was sappy as hell. Izo would tease him, but at that moment, Marco couldn't care less. He wanted to shout to the world that he loved Ace, and knew he would shout it back now. At least from the comfort of his own home.

Ace would always have problems, they both knew that. There would always be a dimension to their relationship that others didn't have. Hurdles, troubles unique to them, but Marco wouldn't give him up for anything, much less for agoraphobia. Besides, he was functioning alone now. He could handle it. What was necessary, and that's all Marco hoped for for now.

He loved Ace and now he loved him back. After years of not hearing it, and then months of hearing the opposite, just reading I love you in his voice made up for all of that pain they'd both suffered through.

Marco would visit him tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Every day that he wanted and/or needed him, he'd be there. Ace knew that now. The puzzle pieces were fitting back together. Faster than he could have ever hoped so.

Before he left to visit again the next day, he made sure to leave flowers at the empty graves of Luffy and Rouge. "I'll take good care of him. Don't worry," he said, leaving a rose on each headstone. He could almost picture them there, smiling. He was glad he knew he had Ace's family's approval while they had been there to give it.

Ace was his, and he was Ace's. Forever this time. Marco would never lose him ever again. Once was already one too many.

The end.