Chapter Text
“Carter?” he questioned after he opened his door and found her standing there.
She looked beautiful, in her black leather pants and grey sweater, she’d invested again in another leather jacket, this one more fitted her could only see her grey sweater under it because she had zipped to just below her bust line, he was sure she was completely unaware of just how sexy she looked standing there with her helmet still in her leather gloved hands. She must have gone home between stopping the gate from the self destruct and now, because she had drove into work that morning they were going to blow up the world. Everything had been so messed up the last few days, her father dying, then within 24 hours having to face her own mortality again and then back again when she’d stopped the self destruct. So going home was no surprise, but her turning up at his door was it was thirteen hundred hours local time but he was sure like him she hadn’t slept for at least two days.
“Hi Sir, can I come in a minute I promise it’ll only be quick?” she asked of him.
“Sure.” He nodded standing aside for her to walk past. She passed him and she walked nervously into his living room she walked slowly to his fireplace and turned to look at him. He stood just inside the room and watched her. “do you want a beer?” he asked her.
“No,” she said with a little shake of the head “no, I don’t think I’ll get this out if I do.” He watched as she took a deep breath and didn’t wait for a response from him “I came to apologise for the other day, when I turned up here, out of the blue—” she paused for a second and he opened his mouth “no please let me finish everything—please—” she asked him where he nodded and she continued “—look I know its probably too late for us and that’s fine but I really—really need to get this out.”
“Carter look—” Jack tried but she wouldn’t be deferred.
“I broke it off with Pete, the weddings off.” She revealed to him and he looked at her in the eyes. In truth he was amazed but he wasn’t about to show it on his face. “When I started dating him it was because I wanted a relationship, I wanted to be loved—a basic human need and I needed it—I’d been waiting for so long—it was never going to be over, this war we were needed in, so I kept waiting and hoping, but then it had been so long since anything had really happened between us, that I thought it had all been in my head and maybe it had, I’m not blaming you—believe me it was all my own fault—but I just—I thought a nice guy was all I needed—” she paused and took another couple deep breaths “I let myself fall in love with the idea, you know? And it looked so good, so tempting, I think I even had myself fooled there for a while.”
“Sam—” he tried again.
“But I need you to know—I know its too late for us, you have Kerry and I’m so happy for you—but I’m through pretending and trying to ignore how I feel, it what got me into this stupid mess in the first place.” She reprimanded herself, he hated it when she did. Her eyes were dodging around him “I need you to know sir—that I love you.” She finally said his heart taking a leap as the words penetrated him “I have for a very long time and I always always will.” He was stunned silent at her words, he’d believed it for so long, he believed that she knew how he felt and that one day, one day they could be together, and he’d wait for her oh he’d die before giving up on her, but to hear it, to have physical memory of the words. “I don’t expect anything in return, I certainly don’t deserve your love I know that—” his eyes went wide for a second in shock at that. “—I want you happy and if that means you’re with her—”
“Kerry and I broke up.” He finally managed a full sentence. He saw the flash of surprise on her face.
“Oh.” Sam sounded before they stood in silence for a moment, but then she continued ahead. “I know you can bring me up on inappropriate behaviour sir, its fine, I know I’ve screwed the regulations, but frankly the way I’m feeling—I really don’t care.” She took another deep breath “I wanted you to know, and I want you to know now—now you’re single too—again—just I want you to know no matter how long it takes, I’ll wait this time, as long as it take, for a chance to be with you, I’ll wait—” her heart was racing and he could tell how nervous she was because she was starting to babble and not make a lot of sense “God, if I could I’d be with you right now—which of course you don’t want, I mean why would you now, I’ve made such a mess of everything, its no wonder you don’t want me anymore—and that’s fine—but I’m through pretending that I want anyone but you—so if ever you want me—which will be never—but just so you know—I’ll be waiting.”
She quickly walked around him and almost reached the door before he turned around and called to her “You don’t want to waste your life waiting for me Sam, I’m not worth it.”
“Yes you are.” She almost whispered but he heard it, it was all he needed to catch up to her as her hand reached for the door handle his hand went over hers and she almost jumped back in surprise.
“You don’t know everything about me.” He said dangerously.
It didn’t need clarifying what was meant, they both knew it meant his black ops days “Yes I do.” Sam whispered.
“How?” he asked her.
She shrugged “the mainframe is easy and I’m smart.”
His eyebrows went up in surprise, he didn’t know she knew everything, she'd kept that one a close secret, even from him. “For how long?”
“About four years. Right after you closed the Iris on Alar.” She admitted.
He nodded surprised. She'd known for a long time and was still willing- “You’d love me after that?” he asked her. “After all of it.” He said quietly.
“I love you more because of it. Always.”
“Just how far are you willing to screw the regs Samantha?” he asked her in a low dangerous and very sexy voice. Her eyes traveled up to meet his and she gasped at the intensity of his gaze. “Because this has always been up to you.” He said in a quick confession.
Her heart was racing her mouth was suddenly very dry (maybe she should have taken that beer earlier) her eyes flicked to his mouth and for the first time in her life she made a headlong and heartfelt decision, her hand went around his neck, she pulled his face to hers and she kissed him hard. There was a heartbeat where he hadn’t responded, where she thought maybe he wasn’t going to respond, but it passed and his arms wrapped around her and she felt his mouth open seeking for her response. She pulled back and looked into his worried eyes (she knew he was wondering if he was taking this too far by opening his mouth) her lips flicked a smile before her mouth went next to his ear and she whispered “My answer is much better as a demonstration sir—" She whispered before she pulled back just enough to make eye contact “—if you’ll allow me—” she said taking his hand and leading him to his bedroom.
He held her close to him, not quite believing she was still there. He wondered if at some point in the afternoon he had fallen asleep, that maybe he was dreaming, but the feeling of her bare body pressed against his and he knew no matter how many times he had dreamed of it before it had never been like this and as he felt her kiss again into his neck he knew for sure he was wide awake.
“I can’t believe you did that without knowing for certain I wouldn’t pull reg on you.” He whispered to her.
She giggled which despite his earlier release still had that effect on him “well if you’re going to break them, you might as well do it right.” She whispered to him.
He laughed warmly completely in awe of her. “Its over.” He whispered to her. “waiting and not knowing—“he said catching her eyes again. “—I’ll make this right Samantha, I promise, the regs—” he paused and shook his head “I’ll make it right I promise.” He took a couple of his own deep breaths as their eyes didn’t leave the others and he whispered to her as if it were a great secret “I love you too Samantha.”
Her face shone brightly, it was as if she didn’t have a care in the world anymore, it was a look he had wished for her often, but it never seemed to appear. “So I take it you aren’t bringing me up for inappropriate behaviour sir?”
He chuckled at her for a second “Okay first off Carter, you have to stop calling me that now—”
She laughed at her own folly but was quick to quip “I don’t seem to remember you objecting while we did, in fact you seemed to quite enjoy it when I did.”
He seemed to ignore her teasing and he carried on “and secondly you know as well as I do that you would have as much claim on the inappropriate behaviour as I do—” he said a rare full on Jack O’Neill smile appearing at his lips “So I don’t think we should take that route do you?”
“Yes sir.” She said only in half seriousness as she did it to feel his reaction at her hip, where she started to giggle again she felt the jump. He growled knowing he had no defense he decided instead to role her onto her back and take control of the situation, but was interrupted by the rumble in her stomach “Carter when did you last eat?” he asked her.
“Oh, ummm—“she said with a pregnant pause.
“Too long!” he said pulling away and shuffling off the bed “Come on, we’re going out to eat.”
Sam looked surprised as she pulled herself up “But sir, what if someone saw us?” she asked him.
“Then we’re two work colleagues who, after just saving the world—again—decided to go out and get something to eat together.”
“Right—” she said with a shake of the head “right of course!” she said shaking her head.
“But just to make it clear—” he told her bending over to her and capturing her mouth with his “—we are together now right? As in a couple?”
She smiled at his unassuming nature, the pleading look in his brown eyes which he really didn’t need. “Did this really seem like a one night—afternoon stand to you?” she asked him.
“This is a consensual society Carter, I need more then assumptions.” He said in a sing song voice.
She laughed “Let me put it this way—” she paused and pulled a grin when she added “—sir—” to the end of the statement and she was pleased to see the reaction “—I don’t have sex, unless I’m already sure I’m in a relationship.” She knelled up on the bed and moved closer to him.
“We’ve not even been on a first date yet.” He observed.
“I don’t need to date you to know how I feel for you— if you’re basing it on getting to know you and knowing how I feel, we’ve been in a relationship for a very long time.” She said finally arriving flush against him.
He swallowed and looked into her eyes “I just thought I’d check.”
“You’re very sweet.” She smiled kissing him again.
“Sweet?” he groaned.
She laughed and kissed him playfully. “Its okay sir, you’re secret is safe with me.” She kissed him deeper then pulled back and looked into his eyes “I’m all yours Jack.” She whispered.
He smiled again a full Jack O’Neill smile. “All mine?” he kissed her back his hands smoothing down her back. “Belonging to a man is very anti-feminist Sam, I’m not sure how I feel about this.” He teased.
She shrugged as if it meant something “What can I say? When I have me a man I’m just a complete sell out.”
“You have a man?” he asked incredulous.
“You’re the one talking equal rights here sir, if I’m all yours you’re all mine.”
He looked watched her analyzing this side of her he’d never seen, he looked her in the eyes and asked her “are you trying to seduce me?”
She broke into giggles and nodded “Is it working?”
“Oh hell yeah!” he murmured into her mouth as they kissed which made her laugh more. He smiled as he pulled back “We were going for food.” He said shaking his head. “You Samantha Carter are a distraction.” He said before she kissed him again. “Come on out.” He said “We’ll take the truck.” He said standing buff in front of her looking for clothes.
She smiled and wriggled out of bed as she picked up her clothes. “Umm, sir—“she started.
“Samantha, really I’m trying my best here, you need not to call me that when we’re naked—or you know being turned on by it.” She said with a cocky smirk.
“Sorry Jack,” she emphasized his name, “I was wondering if you had some boxers I could use—my underwear is a little—“ she blushed and looked at him with sorry eyes.
He chuckled and shook his head at her smiling at her being so nervous over it all. “Top draw of the dresser, I must warn you I like em loose I don’t know how you’ll wear them under those leather pants of yours.” He commented.
“Oh you like em?” she said with a grin which lit up the room as she looked in his draws. He was right, all of his underwear were loose boxers, even with his slim build she doubted they would fit under her pants they were so loose she then looked hopeful at an unopened packet “Trying something new were we?” she asked him, the pack of boxer briefs would fit tightly around him, as natural as Jack’s sex appeal was the idea of him in them did increase her heart rate.
“Oh erm, those—were a gift I said thanks and shoved them in there.” He said.
“Unopened?” she asked him.
“Well—” he said with a shrug “they aren’t really me.”
She looked at him then at the box and asked “May I? I think they will fit under my pants.” She said to him. He physically swallowed at the picture Sam in his boxers briefs?! He nodded and she opened the box then looked at him “In fact how about this?” she said to him as she took out two pairs “one for you and one for me, we wear these incredibly snug underwear and every time we feel them, rub against our skin—” she looked at him flirting and walked so she stood immediately in front of him “—we can remember the feeling of us—together?” she offered pressing her hips to his.
He gasped at her touch “o-kay!” he stuttered before she waved a pair of boxer briefs at him.
“Can I use the bathroom?” she asked him.
“Sure.” He told her, he was surprised when she reached for the shirt he had been wearing when she showed up. “Where are you going?”
“Your guest bathroom.” She said looking at him like he was the one acting strange.
“Sam you are so beyond the guest bathroom.” He said with a chuckle “use mine.”
She looked surprised at him and swallowed nervously “Are you sure?” she asked him.
He chuckled and took her hand “even better, lets share it.” He grinned.