Chapter Text
Jin-san looked down at Izuku, whistle in one hand and a scrappy notebook equipped with a portable pen on the other. He had the face of a man that endured one hell of a training montage, with Izuku in a tracksuit and a weirdly accurate skill of ripping heads off teddy bears as proof. If the boy squinted, he could make out tears in his boss’s eyes.
“I-I just, this could actually be the key in opening my shop…” Izuku carefully extracted a tissue, skillfully handing it to Jin-san as this has been a daily occurrence for many months. He watched with barely concealed amusement as Jin-san dramatically grabbed the tissue in one big swoop, blowing his nose loudly as he sobbed in anguish. He dabbed his tears lightly while flipping non-existent hair out of his eyes before throwing away the damp tissue into the air.
Jin-san must have been a theatre kid.
Once he snapped out of his slow-motion anime trance, he looked at Izuku with such intensity that the whole room felt warmer. Izuku was shocked. Was this the power of his boss’s determination?
“Jin-san, are you seriously using your quirk right now?”
“What?! No, maybe it is you who is too young to understand. This is my passion!”
“Your eyelashes are glowing, Jin-san. Stop changing the temperature in the shop, it could damage the air conditioner.”
Jin-san made a ‘tch’ sound before the room went back to normal. The man turned to face Izuku before handing over the notebook. “Look, today’s the big day. Let’s revise the game plan.” Jin-san then proceeded to step on top of the counter, using the cash register as a stepping stone. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” He hollered. Thank god the shop was closed.
“MONEY!” Izuku screeched from the very bottom of his heart.
“WHEN WILL YOU GET IT?”
“ONCE I GET MY PAYCHECK- Wait.” Izuku sheepishly scratched his cheek as he revaluated his answer, trying to remember the reply Jin-san gave him a week ago. “Er… once-once I kick robot ass?”
“SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK!” Izuku didn’t comment on how the shop was practically deserted, but he wanted money, and if yelling about robot ass at 6am in the morning was the way to get it, then so be it.
“ONCE I KICK ROBOT ASS!”
After a bottle of popped champagne in which Jin-san proceeded to chug it straight from the bottle, Izuku set off on his journey with a notebook and pen in hand.
“Ah, wait! A blonde man came by the shop last night. He asked me to give you this?”
He was handed a loaf of sourdough bread, and at that moment, one could even say that the boy’s smile could have rivalled the Sun’s brightness.
***
Izuku looked at the pristine sand of the Dagobah beach, now shining and white instead of its trash-infested counterpart a few months ago. Some people were already jogging on the beach as an early run.
The green-haired boy stared at the vast ocean and walked forward, his heart feeling lighter than it had in months.
Even if he was a has-been shooting star, he couldn’t help but wish to light up the world around him once more, even if he had to do it from the bottom.
***
To be fair, it wasn’t Izuku’s fault. The train had been filled to the brim with people, not to mention the price of a single ticket. Izuku may be cheap, but he wasn’t wasting that much money for a ride to an exam that he was sure to fail. He sighed slightly after the light jog to U.A. (Bakugou was 7 minutes late to the entrance exam due to waking up unconscious in the middle of the street after bumping into a green blur that left skid marks on the ground) and felt his nerves hit him all at once. The gates were much more intimidating in person.
He took in a deep breath, reminding himself that he wasn’t here to be a hero. He was here for business. He was here for money.
With the strengthened resolve of a hundred men, he stepped forward, only to feel himself tilt forward. Fucking- no. No. Fuck you this isn’t happening.
In an unnatural act of defiance against Newton’s Law, with the sheer willpower of a man who embarrassed himself one too many times in public, Izuku forced his body to tilt upwards, suddenly jumping forward and causing someone to shriek behind him.
(Unknown by Izuku, a brown-haired girl watched the whole thing, thinking along the lines of “Oh my fucking god, he fucking dead” while trying to save his dignity with her quirk, only to nearly get body slammed by the living reincarnation of broccoli as the boy disappeared right before her eyes, the only proof that it wasn’t a hallucination being that he left a whole-ass fucking dust trail I-)
***
“WELCOME TO TODAY’S LIVE PERFORMANCE! EVERYBODY SAY HEY!!”
Izuku silently cringed as Present Mic was met with a deafening silence. He was silently impressed by how someone even made the effort to create the sounds of a cricket.
He zoned out by then as Present Mic explained the rules, his hands gripping the notebook and pen tighter. He could do this. His training had been brutal, he couldn’t just let it go to waste!
(Somewhere far away, multiple zero-pointers started creaking and shifting around in fear. One even exploded from the sheer power of a certain green-haired boy’s bloodlust for money.)
As Izuku mumbled his way through the introduction speech, he caught the eye of a boy with glasses and engines in his calves. The boy’s face was obviously displeased, with his mouth in a permanent frown. He noted how his arm was twitching slightly, as if it were to suddenly break into a hand chopping spasm.
Izuku was nearly hit with such an obvious realization
He wanted to shake his head in embarrassment. The boy was obviously trying to ask a question, but was probably too shy to interrupt Present Mic’s speech. Izuku could feel himself melting. It was nice to know that pure people like him still existed in this god-awful world.
With his faith in humanity restored, he once again managed to catch the boy’s attention, giving a small wave and a smile to encourage him to ask his question. The boy had an unreadable expression on his face. Was the boy so nervous and closed off that he was having a hard time processing Izuku’s wave-
“YOU, THE BOY WITH THE GREEN HAIR! PLEASE STOP DISTRACTING EVERYONE WITH YOUR MUMBLING AND YOUR WAVING! IT IS HIGHLY DISREPECTFUL TO INTERRUPT-” All heads turned to him.
Well fuck you too, I guess.
Izuku now kind of gets why a bunch of fantasy and sci-fi novels commonly portrays the human race as dicks.
Not even a second after berating Izuku’s disruptive tendencies that is extremely unbecoming of a hero- The engine boy turns his ungodly middle school teacher rage onto the actual fucking teacher, who looks gob smacked as he was politely assaulted by questions about something something zero-pointer, his arm chopping the air at such an alarming speed that it was just a blur of muscle and square fingers.
Izuku wanted to yell about his act of hypocrisy because did this bitch just lecture me about interruption while he just throws his question at Present Mic I- I just- Holy fuck I’m about to throw some hands right here right now bRING IT YOU CRUSTY ASS CRYBORG SPONGE BOB-
He promptly shuts his line of thought as he was shushed quietly by the boy beside him. Izuku kept his mouth shut for the duration of the speech.
***
“This year’s batch seems to be a bit more interesting than last year’s. So much more eccentric! I like it!”
“Hmm… a lot more flashy quirks this year. We’ll definitely see an interesting score board.”
“Shouta! You have an eye for these kind of things! Any listener that’s caught your eye yet?”
“I believe I saw you staring at the registration paper for Midoriya Izuku?”
“Oh, this is going to fun. Which screen is the boy on?”
“This one! Wait, it’s starting! Oh, he’s running forward, very responsive reflexes! And he got himself a two-pointer-”
The teachers watched in fascination as the boy proceeds to throw himself at the bot, and with horrifying accuracy, he rips off the head of the two-pointer in one drag of his hand. He throws the head into the nearest secluded building before dragging the convulsing body by the feet, its hands scratching the ground while being pulled to meet its head. The boy entered the building not long after with the two-pointers body still intact, grabbing a large plank of wood to secure the place. It all looked like a scene straight out of a horror movie that left the teachers speechless.
“I-”
“Get some footage on that building right now!”
“Shouta, where the hell did you find this kid- Shouta? Oh my god, is that tequila? Shouta- Jesus fuck he’s chugging straight from the bottle.”
***
Sketching robot body parts in a test that could possibly get you killed wouldn’t be the most ideal place to think about lunch, but could you blame Izuku? He was hungry and stressed, and those two things had never gone hand in hand with each other.
Once he was done with the touch ups on his notes, he burst through the wood like a breaching whale, scaring off some examiners while he ran off to repeat the process with a one-pointer and a three-pointer, leaving off his mess of mutilated robots in his wake for the cleaning staff to find.
Now, to accomplish what he really came here from. And boy, did he have work to do.
He immediately ran to a girl near a lamp post who seemed to have her foot injured. She was hyperventilating as the three-pointer came closer and closer, cornering her. Izuku didn’t even blink before he was right behind the bot, his arm clutching its head before tearing it off smoothly. He heard a gasp and gave the girl a reassuring smile, watching in concern as her eyes grew dry and irritated. Was it an effect from her quirk?
He grabbed her and ran back to a secluded spot before asking her what her quirk was.
“I-I can shoot projectiles with deadly aim,” she stuttered because she just got bridal carried at the speed of light to an empty area with a very attractive boy what the fuck was happening-
“Do you have anything you can throw with?” When the girl shook her head, Izuku gently dumped her on a small rooftop of a building before running off to who knows where. Before the girl could contemplate her life decisions and enter a three hour world of existential crisis, he came back with a fucking wall.
“I can’t even open a noodle packet what the fuck-” At this point, she just wanted to go home and stare at the ceiling. She didn’t come here for cute bush boys who rips out walls for fun, she just wanted to throw shit at robots.
Her mind blanked out as she watched the boy crush the wall into small pieces with his bare fucking hands. W-was this normal? Is this just some type of hero steroids or something?
She watched as Attractive Bush Boy On Steroids pushed the pile of debris to her. “Now you can throw this at the robots without moving your leg!” And oh, was she tearing up? Yup, there we go, she could definitely hear the sniffling. Way to make an impression on Attractive Bush Boy On Steroids, Linda. She was still busy sobbing her heart out when he finished securing her ankle. Through her tears, she felt her eyes dry up immediately as Attractive Bush Boy On Steroids smiled and god damn did she crave for a Victorian era fainting couch because she just felt herself swoon-
Or maybe that was the stress.
She blinked, and Attractive Bush Boy On Steroids was gone.
She numbly turned her head towards the clock and choked on air.
This all happened to her in under 3 minutes.
***
“That one. I want him.”
“Nemuri, I swear to god. If you don’t get your slimy ass hands off-”
***
As Izuku ran around the area giving gay panics and sudden urges to elope to everyone he saved, he felt himself slowly gaining white hairs. Why was everyone so keen on dying today? He wanted to yell at the sky before easily catching a boy that was thrown by a two-pointer directly into his arms. He gently placed him down before repeating the same process.
Check the injuries, ask for quirk, give tips and get the fuck out of there to save more suicidal idiots. The one thing he was confused about was the fact that they all seemed to stare at him with big adoring eyes, which was, well-
Izuku made a noise from the back of his throat as he gently placed the boy in an empty spot near a side walk. The boy in question seemed to already be doing the staring thing while whispering what seemed to be “oh my fucking god is this my gay awakening school didn’t fucking teach me this holy shit holy-”
Izuku gave a small grin before the boy hissed in pain and turned away, muttering something about gay fear.
The green haired boy sighed and ran off to his next victim.
While grabbing a girl with a chainsaw attached to her arm away from being crushed by a falling piece of asphalt, he was disappointed that he couldn’t fulfill Jin-san’s last request as he checked the clock despite the man’s reassurances that it was optional. The school wouldn’t release an unstable giant ass robot in the last few minutes of the exam, right?
***
“Release the unstable giant ass robots now.”
“Shouta, fucking drop the whiskey bottle, it’s already empty. Wait, is that- nO SHOUTA YOUR LIVER-”
***
He was coming after U.A.’s ass. He thought Jin-san was joking about the size of this thing because it was huge, towering against tall buildings and sky scrapers like they were nothing. Could he take that thing on?
Do it for extra pay, a dark, dark part of Izuku’s mind whispered temptingly. A part of Izuku that he had thought was locked away into the deepest parts of his mind to be never seen from again ever since that one time he had unknowingly started a nation-wide scavenger hunt for Mothman at 3 am in the morning.
It was back though, and Izuku felt his self-control snap because he was a weak man. But he needed an excuse. An alibi. A reason to take on this monster of a bot without sounding like he had a few loose screws stuck in his head. But what kind of stupid excuse-
A cry of pain was heard from the path of the zero-pointer.
Izuku gave an unsettlingly wide smile that made the zero-pointer stop and creak awkwardly in fear. Blinded by gold.
It was showtime.
***
Uraraka could feel her throat clogging up as she tried to scream for help, but to no avail, she watched helplessly as the other examiners ran away from that monster.
Who could blame them though? If their roles were reversed, she wouldn’t have given a second thought before bolting to the other direction. She just wished at least someone would have helped her out of this rubble, because god forbid anyone be stupid enough to take on this thing.
And great, everything seemed to blur into one big fat hell of a mess because of course she had to have snot and tear tracks onto her corpse when she’ll be inevitably crushed by a building-sized robot.
On days like this, Uraraka wondered if she was a serial killer in the past life.
Before she could finish her sulking, a green blur rushed past her before stopping as if it forgot something.
Oh.
Oh.
She was the something, wasn’t she? And hngggg okay this is fine, it’s not like she wanted to cry from relief or anything. When the green blur flipped the debris and rubble off her, she finally got a look at the thing before bursting into tears.
It was the Reincarnation of Broccoli.
A fucking vegetable just saved her life from being a really ugly pancake.
How does one proceed with this information?
She felt herself being carried off into a safer area before being gently dropped down. Uraraka watched as the boy quickly wrapped her ankle with bandages and where did he get those bandages anyway? A thought came to mind that maybe he came prepared to help people like her and well. If the Reincarnation of Broccoli subtly handed her a tissue and averted his eyes from her snot invested face, she didn’t speak about it.
After a few minutes of the boy comforting her, she felt this eerie feeling towards this boy. On closer inspection, Uraraka finally realized the familiar expression the boy was wearing. Every once in a while, he would crane his neck towards the zero-pointer wreaking havoc and have the look.
The cash-money look.
“H-hey, you’re not planning on taking that thing on, right?” No response, just a cheeky smile that made her cheeks redden and eyes burn. “Right?”
The Reincarnation of Broccoli gave her a shrug. “It’s for a job.” And he disappeared, taking on his second form as a green blob that was accelerating towards the zero-pointer at an alarming speed. Uraraka gave a sob and covered her eyes because this pure vegetable was going to die and it was because of her and oh my god she couldn’t breathe she didn’t even ask for a name who mourns someone without getting a name I-
A loud rip and a few demolished buildings later, Uraraka turned to see the boy deconstructing the head of that thing while writing it down on a green notebook, his hand moving a mile a minute as he decided to get comfy.
Cautiously, Uraraka limped closer as she watched the Reincarnation of Broccoli sketch out a precise diagraph of the zero-pointer’s head.
“I can make the parts weightless if you want,” Uraraka suggested because this thing just saved her life! If the repayment would be her sitting down tapping stuff, she would do it in stride.
Once they were all finished, the boy turned to her and something clicked in place. An instant bond. A sense of solidarity.
“Money?” He whispered under his breath.
“Money.” She nodded in return, confirming his thoughts.
Instantly, he jumped up as his face broke into a wide smile that made her eyebrows go from step sisters to distant related cousins. “Do you want to beat up robots together?” His smile was so infectious that she couldn’t help grin back. This was a fellow soldier. A comrade.
“I’m Uraraka Ochako.”
After a very excited “Midoriya Izuku” came out, she straightened her back, looking him right in the eye before breaking into laughter. She couldn’t help it. Something about this boy made her want to snatch him up and rob a bank.
It was just that kind of vibe.
Smacking her hands towards her mouth to muffle her laughter, she playfully punched his knee.
“What are you waiting for? Let’s kick some robot ass!” That seemed to bring out a reaction from him as he snorted, and that was all the warning she got before being scooped into a piggyback ride and now being gifted with transportation that could outrun a car.
For the rest of the entrance exam, fellow examiners watched in horrified amusement as the green haired heartthrob that singlehandedly saved their lives ran around screaming while the girl on his back tapped every robot she could find, floating them high in the sky before connecting her fingers, both teens cackling like possessed spirits as everything around them exploded.
All in all, it was a good day.
***
When Izuku came out from the gates of U.A. equipped with a notebook full of mechanical secrets, a few gummies and an autograph from Recovery Girl (theRecoveryGirlohmygoshsocool), and most importantly, in his opinion, Uraraka’s contact information in his phone, he felt like he could bitch slap Endeavour and get away with it.
Probably.
He was snapped out of his mumbling when he felt himself hit something very solid and warm and definitely not a wall.
Eraserhead’s unimpressed expression met his and he choked on air. “I didn’t do anything illegal!”
The underground hero blinked slowly, before muttering something that sounded like a ‘yet’. Izuku decided to ignore that.
“Is there a reason why you’re-” He gestured vaguely at the man.
Eraserhead’s unsettling smile made its appearance, all teeth and a perfectly shaped semicircle. “Congratulations, kid.” He drawled because of course this man who ran off vodka and coffee as life substance couldn’t speak normally. “You somehow made the entire body of U.A, students and teachers alike, fall in love with you and fight over custody rights.” He shot a quick look down at the reddening boy and gave a smug look. “I won, of course.”
A muffled scream came out of his mouth before Izuku burst into stutters and nervous laughter to cover up the urge to seep into the void.
***
@RedHeadWithAChainsaw
Was it just me or did anyone else get pulled to safety by a green haired greek god???
#UA’s cryptid #UA entrance exam #i was just minding my own business when a cutie just casually saved my life i
@that_one_sniper_hoe
bitch me too the fuck
#UA entrance exam #UA’s cryptid #he’s rlly hot wtf #i think I cried smh
@ilovepepe
Tag yourself im gay
#UA entrance exam #UA’s cryptid #mom i just had my gay awakening what do I dO
@We Bully Newton’s Law Here
Lmao speak for yourself i just met my cash-money soulmate
#UA entrance exam #UA’s cryptid #broccoli is love #broccoli is life #they say if you sacrifice robot heads to the cryptid next year you will pass the vibe check
***
The next day, Izuku realized he was trending as UA’s cryptid in 7 different platforms.
He had a cult following who sacrificed robot heads to an altar with a gold statue of a broccoli.
Izuku sighed and went back to bed, but not before throwing his phone out of the window.