Work Text:
Backstory:
Wei Ying was never found by Jiang Fengmian. Instead, he started running errands for a whorehouse in Yiling. When they discovered his natural scholarly, musical, and artistic talent, and when adolescence brought him handsome features and significant charm, the owner of the whorehouse in Yiling sold his contract for a high price instead of putting him to work, and he went to a high-end teahouse (read: the salacious, euphemistic kind) in the Nightless City to become a courtesan.
This is a happy-fun-times crack au, so it can be assumed that in this course of events his sexual experiences have been more or less age-appropriate, and he does not have trauma or feel particularly trapped. A bit stifled perhaps, but– well, read on.
OUR TALE BEGINS…
… With Wei Wuxian as a newish member of the Nightless City’s premier teahouse. The timeframe is shortly before the Discussion Conference held in the Nightless City.
Wen Xu and Wen Chao visit this teahouse. They bring a whole entourage, they get drunk, they’re probably halfheartedly trying to have a brotherly bonding night out. Things don’t turn out that way, though, because Wei Wuxian comes over - with a bomb-ass outfit (fig.1) and a calamitous level of beauty - to provide some light music to go with their drinks and dinner.
And readers, the young masters Wen both fall instantly, deeply in lust.
Now, Wen Chao is slimy and Wei Wuxian would rather have nothing to do with him, so he doubles down on seducing Wen Xu. He assumes that Wen Xu will be unwilling to share and will keep his gross brother away. He is correct! Not only is he unwilling to share with Wen Chao, he wants an exclusive arrangement.
Between Wen Chao’s increasing obsession with What He Can’t Have and the way that basically every member of their party panted after Wei Wuxian, Wen Xu is drinking all the vinegar. He is so jealous. Wei Wuxian can perform on stage and serve drinks at tables in the public room, but he’s to welcome no guests but Wen Xu.
Also, like, Wen Xu absolutely can’t go anywhere without an entourage because what is he, a peasant? But his jealousy ensures that whenever he visits Wei Wuxian, that entourage consists of just this one cousin who he figures can’t possibly be a sexual threat. More on that later.
But anyway, Our Hero has hooked the richest and most prestigious patron available within a thousand miles, so that’s nice! His dick game is mediocre, and Wei Wuxian really has to dial up the porn noises to sell it, but he’s got a lot of free time and Wen Xu showers him in cultivation books and art supplies (read: talisman supplies, babey 👀), so really what are a few faked orgasms in pursuit of such an end? Nothing, that’s what.
Plus, Wen Xu’s pillow talk is significantly more interesting than his sexual performance; politics? More like hot gossip. And Wei Wuxian is wayyy into it.
Because listen, it’s pretty comfortable being a high-end courtesan with no responsibilities but performing poetry and music and sleeping with Wen Xu, but… as a lifestyle, it’s nowhere near intellectually stimulating enough for Wei Wuxian. Like a tiger in an accredited zoo, the boy needs enrichment. High-stakes political gossip will have to do.
It’s still not enough, mind you. Wei Wuxian spends a lot of time on his main hobby, which is cultivating, and also! Has made a friend!
Remember that cousin of Wen Xu’s? It’s Wen Ning. Wen Xu drags Wen Ning along to have tea or drinks in a house of ill-repute; probably makes him wait in the lobby or w/e while Wen Xu conducts his assignations with Wei Wuxian. (Partly because someone has to be available to drag Wen Xu’s ass home when he gets falling-down drunk – which he does, several times per month.)
This is extremely awkward for Wen Ning.
But it’s a good deal for Wei Wuxian, because Wen Xu always sleeps for like, several hours after they do the do, which is pretty boring on account of he is Not good enough to tire out Wei Wuxian. So he pops out and chats with Wen Ning. And look… Wen Ning is a much cooler person than any of his cousins. A good listener, not surprised or put-out when Wei Wuxian wants to talk cultivation theory – and willing to practice archery and swordplay with Wei Wuxian!
A Chat Excerpt On This Subplot:
LyraTalus
….. wen qing when she finds out wen xu has been taking her brother to a pavilion(? euphemistically-named teahouse? what do you call a higher-class place with no just-prostitutes?)……………NevillesGran
Wen Qing is so opposed to this, on every single principle she has, but she can’t do anything about it but sometimes glowerProfessorESP
WN: Wei-xiong is really nice :) he helps me with my calligraphy
Wq: if that’s a euphemism, so help me God I will castrate wen xu no matter who his father isNevillesGran
WWX has to keep up the charade of being smitten with Wen Xu, bc that’s business, baby, which means Wen Ning is nursing just the most earnest tragically-can-never-be-returned crush [just like canon]LyraTalus
I brought this upon myself U_UNevillesGran
but I think the instant WWX and Wen Qing meet, over Wen Xu’s drunken body, they clock each other as cynical bastards just trying to get by and instantly leap to referring to Wen Xu as “this idiot”
Wen Ning: :shockedpikachu:
So anyway, Wei Wuxian starts sneaking out when he has free time to visit Wen Ning and Wen Qing, the latter of whom declares herself his personal physician because… oh my god… the stupid injuries this boy picks up climbing on roofs with his shoddy half-trained Lightness Skills…
Now, everything is not perfect in Wei Wuxian’s world b/c again, even with this, still bored. His talent for cultivation is under-served by his limited access to training and the fact that he doesn’t have a sword. His golden core is nothing to speak of.
And also he still has to host tables when he’s specifically requested and Wen Chao keeps showing up when Wen Xu is otherwise occupied and staring at him and making really boring and uncomfortable conversation. Not ideal.
But still, yeah, things are pretty good.
Then… the discussion conference arrives…
And Wen Xu invites Wei Wuxian to be his plus-one.
As an aside, Wei Wuxian wears another gorgeous outfit (fig. 2).
So at the discussion conference, Wei Wuxian… sees the most beautiful boy to ever exist ever. Like oh my god… oh my god look at him, oh wow…
This beautiful boy, Lan Wangji of the Lan clan, wins first place in the archery competition. Because he is amazing and perfect and beautiful. He is Wei Wuxian’s soulmate, just you wait and see. Wei Wuxian plays it cool though, because it’s a bad idea to throw yourself at other people when your exclusive patron is like, Right There.
A Chat Excerpt of Wei Wuxian Playing It Cool:
LyraTalus
wwx, the stupidest man alive, at his extremely entitled patron: Who’s that hot boy?
wen xu and wen chao activate Spite ModeProfessorESP
Wen Qing, three seats over: oh my god
(Wen Ning wins second place, because he’s been practicing with Wei Wuxian and hanging out with Wei Wuxian, and this has been great for his confidence and for reducing stage fright. And also because he is also perfect and beautiful and Doing Amazing, and Wei Wuxian is cheering for him.)
Wen Chao does not compete, because he’s too busy sitting in the stands trying to get Wei Wuxian’s attention.
This means that Wen Ruohan feels the Wen sect has acquitted itself decently in the competition. It’s not great, but it’s not bad. He’s still gonna send Wen Xu to burn the Cloud Recesses, but he’s gonna care about it a lil less. On the other hand, Wen Xu cares about it a lil more.
So a short while after the discussion conference,
NevillesGran
WWX has had this guy a lot by now, and he keeps “coincidentally” swinging though town, and he listens to other gossip besides, so he knows the general sketch of the political landscape.
This time when Wen Xu stops in for a night, he brags that he’s about to go show these stoic mountain nerds a thing or two…and WWX is like, “*doe-eyes* Wow, you’re so powerful and impressive! Rail me now!” And then once Wen Xu is asleep, he slips out, finds a random street urchin, and is like, “Here’s a silver coin. Go tell the Lans that the Wens are coming to fuck them up.”
Which is only responsible, since hm, this is probably partly his own fault for making heart-eyes at the Second Jade right in front of Mister Jealous,, >>;;
The assault on the Cloud Recesses isn’t a failure, but like. It’s not a success either. Meanwhile, the whole indoctrination/hostage situation goes off differently too. Wen Chao had no interest in running the thing, see: he’s too distracted with plotting to get in Wei Wuxian’s pants somehow. Also, with picking petty public fights with Wen Xu. Wen Ruohan is not impressed with either of his sons rn.
So Wen Ruohan has some Actually Competent subordinate taking care of it (am I assuming it’s my OC-who-you-can’t-prove-isn’t-canon-compliant? I definitely am assuming that, yes). The hostages are being treated with passable dignity, and they are not being physically endangered, and they’re actually being indoctrinated some. They’re gonna be here for a while, and as long as he has his hostages, Wen Ruohan also has basically every other sect over a barrel. Stick a pin in that.
Wen Chao… is a total fuckin’ incel. He can’t get past his brother, or his brother’s orders to the teahouse staff. He can’t woo Wei Wuxian to reject his brother in favor of him or to at least sneak around with him. And Wang Lingjiao is getting boring with The Hot Forbidden Fruit He Can’t Have like, right there.
So he concocts a plan.
He will take Wei Wuxian away from this wretched place… and then, he is certain, Wei Wuxian will definitely fall into his arms in gratefulness etc. etc.
He waits and plots and plans, and he kidnaps Wei Wuxian and takes him to Yiling (which already has a supervisory office, because it’s already Wen territory and has been for years).
Wei Wuxian awakes in Yiling to Wen Chao making kissy faces and rejects him totally. There is a sound kick to the nads involved.
Alas, Wen Chao is not one to take direct rejection gracefully. He gets butthurt and threatening. At this, Wei Wuxian says: “Go ahead motherfucker, do your worst– I’ll turn it back on you as an angry ghost.”
Wen Chao gets spooked and decides to throw Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds. Being a world-class idiot, he completely fails to keep quiet about having done this.
Wen Xu is very pissed at his little brother for dumping his favorite courtesan in the death mountain. In fact, he is “fratricide is on the table” pissed. In fact, it’s not just on the table, it’s done. And then Wen Ruohan is like “oh shit fratricide, what’s next, patricide?” and commits filicide first.
AND THEN Wei Wuxian wanders out of the burial mounds with a whole new method of cultivation that doesn’t care about his sad little golden core, singlehandedly rescues all the hostages, and sweeps (totally his soulmate!!!) Lan Wangji off his perfect feet. And then Meng Yao, who ended up in the Nightless City at some point and has Complicated Feelings about Wei Wuxian, kills Wen Ruohan. We can assume that some cousin or other of Wen Ruohan’s (one hopefully more inclined to being politically stable) takes over the sect.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t care, though, because he is busy seducing Lan Wangji and like, idk, inventing mpreg talismans or whatever.
HAPPY END.
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Extra Excerpts From Chat About Meng Yao:
dirigibird
jgy and wwx are gonna have Even More Parallel Fucked Up Bullshit between them in this au huhLyraTalus
ah yeah likeProfessorESP
“jgy is too busy heavily projecting his own personal issues onto someone to kill them” is my favorite au premise
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LyraTalus
with jgy, I think there’s two directions to take things – like on the one hand jgy furiously projecting on someone is always a good time. On the other hand, I get the impression that his hatred for the system and institution that destroyed his mother and overshadowed his reputation is something he absolutely displaces on other women caught up in that system
so like
wwx, whose personality is probably like Sisi,dirigibird
mmmm yeah considering what happened to the prostitutes he hired to off jgs
oh truLyraTalus
and who cultivates, and who, after the dust settles probably shamelessly swans into the center of cultivation society,,,
must be maddening to him
in no small part out of envy of his comfortable self-esteem
jgy: why does he get to love himself and effortlessly win the respect of people around him? he’s an actual whore and he gets to and I don’t???ProfessorESP
Joke’s on you, Wei Wuxian just hides his class based inferiority complex way betterLyraTalus
he hides it under favored running jokes U_U
