Archive of Our Own ^beta

I. Grief

Never trust anyone. Never show weakness. Never get close to anyone. Use others and never let them use you, Aguero.

The lessons Khun’s mother gave him growing up were always in the back of his head to act as a persistent warning. Khun was molded by these words and made him who he is. It was the only way to survive in the family, where everyone was an enemy. Where the only person you could trust was yourself and your own wit. Khun grew cold and cunning. He had to be sharp and capable to take out competitors in his family. In accordance with that, Khun can safely say that he rarely, if ever, cried and he would never show that level of vulnerability in front of anyone. 

To do so would leave him open to manipulation and hurt. It could get him killed. Khun had to eternally be on his guard and distant. He had to manipulate so that he would never be manipulated. He couldn’t allow himself any such luxury.

Despite his best efforts, he found himself fond of Maria. She was kind and intelligent. He thought she would be a strong princess of Jahad. Thus, he schemed to get her to the top and abandoned his elder sister to support Maria instead. He knew where he would end up and that he would be left behind. Khun just couldn’t find it in his to care.

Even when he was tossed out of the family, Khun picked himself up and held his chin high - not a tear in sight. He instead raided his father’s treasury and left with a trove of collectors items. Khun had made his choice and would live with it. Khun turned his heart to ice as a young child, he wouldn’t allow Maria’s leaving to melt his defenses. 

So no, Khun did not cry. 

Then, Bam came into his life. Bam was a miracle. He was weak, but so hopeful and kind that Khun was inexplicably drawn to him. Maybe it was the awe in which he looked at the Shinsu sky or the way that Bam seemed unmarred by the tower, but Khun found the ice melting just a little bit. There was just enough space for Bam to begin to worm his way into his heart. Khun adjusted his priorities and plans to include the innocent and amazing boy that met on the testing floor. He wanted to take Bam up the tower. He wanted to stay at Bam’s side.

Rachel made this complicated when Bam saw her during the Crown Game. She further threw a wrench in his plans when she asked him to lie to Bam.

“Bam was a lonely child. He has no reason to go up the tower without me. But I want to see the stars.”

Far be it for him to judge about going after one’s ambitions and acting on selfish desires. That would be hypocritical. Yet, when Bam woke up - eyes all soft and trusting -  he couldn’t help the thought that Bam was brighter than any star. (The lie was heavy on his tongue and he knew Bam didn’t believe him. He wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse.)

Khun planned and schemed to ensure that Bam passed. Pulling the strings from behind the scenes to make a perfectly laid out plot and it played out beautifully. Well, almost. Rachel still got injured in the end. Bam would be able to live peacefully with Rachel - his rule - and his motivation to climb the tower would be null and void.

Khun wondered when he became so attached that the thought of Bam leaving twisted a knife in his chest. It hurt and Khun couldn’t fully articulate why. It reminded him of when Maria left. He couldn’t ask to go with her and he couldn’t ask that of Bam either.

Bam came into the room while Khun and Rak were arguing and surprised them both. Bam wanted to climb the tower with Rachel and be her legs. Hope blossomed in Khun’s heart and he promised Bam that he would take his friend to the top - cheap and dirty. 

Khun tucked away the sight of Bam’s face lighting up with joy and held it in his heart.

Thus, Khun drafted another plan to allow Rachel to perform in and pass the next test. It terrified Khun that he realized he would do anything Bam asked of him. (It terrified him further that he didn’t mind.)

But, Bam didn’t come back. Rachel came back alone. She said he didn’t make it. Khun heard that Bam was gone. His vision tunneled and his heart sank. The next couple days were a blur.

Lero Ro and Hansung Yu both announced that they couldn’t find Bam’s body. Khun’s heart cracked. He failed his friend and now... 

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.

Khun returned to his room defeated after the meeting. It was empty - he wasn’t sure where Rak went, but he was thankful that he was alone. Khun slumped on the bed and covered his face with his hands. 

The room’s quiet was broken by Khun’s soft gasps and hitched breath.

His hands shook and tears slipped down his cheeks. His heart squeezed in his chest and he drew uneven breaths.

Pathetic. He let someone in again and it ended like this, with him vulnerable and in pain. His family would rip him apart if they saw him now, but he couldn’t stop. The grief had dug its claws too deeply into him. Khun keenly felt the gap that his best friend left behind. Something inside him broke and he didn’t even know how to start putting it back together.

It was all his fault. His plan led Bam directly to his death. How could he have made such an error? How could he fail his best friend so utterly?

“I’m sorry…”

A few moments later, Khun brushed off his tears and calmed his breathing. Rak came back to the room. He was subdued after his pained outburst earlier that morning. The alligator sat next to him and neither said a word. Khun took comfort in his silent presence as the two of them shared their grief.

Khun took care to present himself as normal the next day at the cafeteria. His hair and clothes were immaculate and he smirked as usual.  He made himself look like the picture of easy going confidence to hide the pain. It felt plastic and fake. This used to come easier. Khun sat by Shibisu and added to the conversation casually. He argued with Hatz as always, but he still ached for golden eyes and the warmth that Bam exuded. Everything felt slightly stilted and off center without the boy who made friends as easily as breathing. 

(Would Bam be upset to see his friends so grief stricken?)

Over the next week, he watched Rachel and reinforced the ice around his torn and fragile heart. He discovered her secret and knew what she did. Khun resolved that he will take Rachel up to see the star, for Bam’s sake. He’ll destroy her for betraying and killing Bam. 

Khun would make her pay. He would scheme and plot until the time came to break her. He would make her repent. No matter how long it took and who he needed to ally with, Khun would ruin her.

(Bam pushed himself in his training and his body ached. He had to keep going to see Khun and Rak again, regardless of the pain that he needed to push through. He had to see them again. He also had to ask her why .)

II. Mourning

It’s been six years since Bam died. Six years since he’s been harboring a snake and building a team to take her up the tower. Khun threw himself into the plan and his work because he would crumble if he didn’t. The world became a lesser place without Bam. There wasn’t as much color without him. His smile and demeanor brought light and levity to the people around him. Bam’s gone now and it hurts. Khun’s heart never fully recovered, it healed unevenly. Losing the happiness that Bam brought into his life left a hole and an ever present ache. Bam was dead and Khun felt emptiness.

Khun found himself staring at the night sky. He couldn’t stare whenever he missed Bam, otherwise he would never stop, but still often enough that Khun considered it a habit. Maybe it’s due to how much Bam loved the sky and he’s paying homage to his late friend. Maybe he’s just gone soft. Regardless of the reason, Khun will lean against the window late at night and just stare. 

Sometimes Novick would catch him staring, but he would never ask any questions. He would lean on the wall next to Khun in silence before moving on, allowing Khun to gain whatever comfort he could or wanted, but never being intrusive about it.

Some nights Ran is the one who finds him. Khun knew that his younger brother wouldn’t fully understand the mourning he’s going through given that he grew up in the same environment. Yet, Khun also knew that his childhood was hard in a different way. Khun knew Ran was observant - it was self-evident to anyone who watched Ran fight - and he wanted to understand Khun, but wasn’t sure how to ask.

Tonight, Ran found him again. There was a curious look in his eye. Khun sighed. Perhaps, he can let him in a bit. Afterall, they trusted each other - though neither of them would admit that aloud.

“Let’s talk in my room, Ran.”

His brother turned his piercing gaze on him and Khun met him evenly. Khun tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. Ran watched the movement and nodded before following Khun. They entered Khun’s room silently. Both of them sat on the bed. Ran didn’t wait long before asking questions.

“Why are you traveling with her? She’s not particularly useful.”

“I made a promise to someone important. Though,” Khun’s voice slightly lowered and he looked at Ran, “my intent is to rip away everything from her because she killed my best friend.”

Ran gave him a strange look. “Your friend?”

Khun smiled wryly and looked up at the ceiling. “As hard as it is to believe, I made a precious friend on the testing floor. He was unlike anyone I ever met in the tower. He was stubborn and reckless, but he was kind. He brought me happiness…” Khun sighed. “And then she betrayed him. So I’ll take the snake up for him.”

“And then you’ll crush her.” Ran nodded decisively and leaned closer to Khun - his eyes hard with intent. “We could kill her now.”

Khun chuckled. “We could. It wouldn’t even be difficult.”

“Just a knife would do.”

“I could probably kill her with her pillow.”

“A lightning spear for fun.”

“Or bludgeon her with a lighthouse.”

The two shared a devious grin before Ran frowned. “But, you want to keep this promise.”

Khun’s smile softened to something wistful. “I know it’s ridiculous. However, it’s important to me. I want to fulfill his final wish.”

A moment of silence passed between them. Ran flopped onto his back and Khun set to work on his lighthouse. Ran listened to his brother work.

“Hey, A.A?”

“Hm?”

“Was having a friend worth it?”

“...You know, today is the anniversary of his death. It’s been six years and yet… I don’t regret it. If I could, I would like to meet him again.”

Ran hummed thoughtfully. “Is that why she looked sad today?”

“Yes.”

Ran scoffed and sat up. “How fake. She thinks we can’t see it. She’s stupid to believe that. You’re smarter than her, A.A.”

Khun flashed him a sharp smile. “I am.”

“I’ll make sure you get your revenge.” Ran’s tone broke no room for argument.

Khun’s smile softened into something genuine. “Even though I’m bothersome?”

“She’s worse.” Ran eyed Khun. He took in the distant gaze, the tightness in his eyes, and his faux relaxed posture. Ran narrowed his eyes. “You’re hurt.”

Khun turned to his brother and sighed. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Good night, Ran.”

Ran frowned, but he knew a dismissal when he heard one. Khun knew that Ran wasn’t going to pry anymore. At least not tonight. True to form Ran merely nodded and got up. He put and hand on his brother’s shoulder. Some tension fell away from his shoulders and he put a hand on Ran’s arm. 

“Good night, A.A.” There was a look in his eyes that let Khun know that the conversation wasn’t over, merely postponed before Ran left the room.

Khun watched his brother go before he sighed and turned his gaze out the window. “It’s been six years now, Bam. Are you disappointed?” Khun chuckled without any humor. “Of course you are. I will just have to face your condemnation when I see you again.” 

Khun didn’t register the tears on his face. “This is so pathetic. Speaking to empty space. Every single day that you’re not here and I have to look at your murderer is torture. I hate her.” Khun sobbed and clenched his fist. He bit his lip as the tears kept pouring down his face. “Why you? Why?”

Khun felt a twisted sense of nostalgia. He does this every year. Every year on this day, it felt like a struggle to keep from drowning. Khun thought of the warmth that Bam’s smile brough him. His heart broke all over again. 

Tomorrow, he’ll walk out of the room with his usual demeanor. Tomorrow, he’ll be strong. Tonight, however, he allowed himself to have this moment to mourn for his best friend.

“I miss you.”

(Unbeknownst to Khun, somewhere in the dark under FUG’s ever present watch, a man with golden eyes contemplates the fate of his friends and how they are faring without him. He looked up at the sky and was greeted only by the silence of the moon.)

III. Relief

Alive.

Bam was alive. 

Bam was alive

Khun never let himself hope for the possibility even if he privately wished for it. He locked that desire deep in his heart because he was so sure that it was a mere delusion. Khun wasn’t one for false hope, but Bam really was alive.

Khun was so relieved that Bam was alive he nearly unraveled right there. He tried to suffocate those feelings for now. He needed to remember where he was; surrounded by people he doesn’t know. Even if they did know Bam, he wasn’t about to expose his heart here and now. That would be foolish and go against everything he stood for. He laid an arm over his face and took a deep breath. He’ll see Bam again soon.

The sense of overwhelming relief was frozen over with the horror of knowing that Bam was still trapped. Khun wasn’t sure what happened on the Testing Floor (besides Rachel betraying Bam), but FUG must have taken him away. They named him Jue Viole Grace and made him a Slayer Nominee. Khun wanted to know what happened to Bam in the years he was gone and he would find his answers. 

He would bring Bam back where he belonged. 

Khun spoke to the people of this team - Team Sweet and Sour -  and asked them what they knew already. What he heard from Wangnan made his blood boil. FUG threatened Bam. They threatened to kill all of his friends if Bam didn’t bend to their whims. Khun would not allow Bam to ever be used ever again. How dare they take Bam away and hold him and everyone hostage. How dare they take away his best friend. Bam cared so deeply about his friends… Khun knew that he would do anything for them. FUG knew that as well and that made the punishment so effective.

Bam looked miserable when Khun saw him at the Hand of Arlene. His face was covered, but Khun could see right through him - time hadn’t changed that. Bam still couldn’t lie to Khun. The look of surprise on his face when the bunny said she would blow up the Hand and the fear and desperation in his voice when Bam called out for him were both clear to see for Khun. 

At least Novick and Ran were with Bam. They would take care of each other while he couldn’t. 

(Viole made sure that Khun’s teammates were taken care of when they were with FUG. He noticed Khun’s brother was giving him an assessing look. Viole met him evenly, if a bit curiously. The boy nodded, a satisfied glint in his eyes. Viole wondered what he was looking for and what, exactly, he found.)

Bam deserved to be free and climb the tower the way he wanted to. He deserved to be happy . Instead, he was forced into their twisted machinations. They wanted to make him their God and take away Bam’s identity. They didn’t care about him as a person and only about their own selfish desires. Bam was too bright, too kind, too good to be kept locked up by them.

Khun would systematically take apart anyone who got in his way. Bam was still being held captive, but soon Khun would figure out how to get him out. FUG was certainly welcome to try to stop him. Khun would be ready for them.

Rak was there at his side - sent by Hwaryun, who he didn’t trust, but had to listen to. The gator was annoying, but he was still a friend and a large relief to have right now. Though he ruined that by making him angry and punching Khun the face. He needed to make a plan first before rushing in. Not everything can be solved with brute force, no matter what the dumb gator thought. 

Khun once again stared at the night sky, hurt and anger bubbling under his skin. He fully expected Rak to bring up their earlier conversation once again when he joined him on the balcony. He was surprised when Rak showed emotional vulnerability and was open with Khun. Instead Khun deflected and told Rak not to be happy yet . They could be happy once they reunite with Bam. They absolutely would have their reunion. 

The workshop battle was messy. Messier than Khun initially anticipated.

There was double crossing on both sides and the situation got dicey more than once. He knew he was pushing all his friends and allies, but Bam was so close and he wasn’t going to let go of the chance. It took all of Khun’s scheming to summon Bam, but there he was. 

Finally, finally , Bam returned. 

Before Khun could so much as say a few words, their lovely, long-awaited reunion was promptly ruined. Reflejo had Hwaryun as his hostage and Bam wanted to get her back. Khun wasn’t about to let him go by himself. Not again. Not when Khun just got him back. This time Rak and Khun would be at Bam’s side. Khun would make that man sorry for ruining this moment for him. He twirled the White Heavenly Mirror and his lighthouses buzzed around him.

After a fight they landed on the ship. Bam was safe. He was alive and safe and the relief nearly sent Khun to his knees.

The three of them could barely stand - too physically and emotionally drained - and spread blankets lazily on the floor before laying down together. Khun brushed his hand against Bam’s accidently and he marvelled at the warmth beneath his fingertips. Bam gave him a tired and soft smile. Khun’s heart mended a bit as he smiled back. It felt like waking up from a long nightmare.

The other two were asleep. He stared at Bam’s face, it was peaceful while he slept. Unmarred by time or horrors. It was reassuring after everything they went through. Everything was worth getting Bam back. 

Surrounded by the even and soft breathing of his friends, Khun allowed a few tears to silently slide down his face. Tears of pure relief that he shoved away earlier couldn’t be restrained anymore. The world had color again. Khun would get to stay at Bam’s side again. They would get to talk, laugh, and live together again. The relief was bone deep. The tears slipped down his face and onto his pillow. Bam’s face blurred slightly and he brushed them off.

“Welcome back, Bam,” Khun whispered. He brushed Bam’s long bangs out of his face before curling up and falling asleep.

(Bam noticed Ran in a hushed conversation with Khun when they were all finally reunited. Khun’s ears turned pink and Ran looked smug until Khun ruffled his hair with a devious grin. Bam’s heart fluttered. It was good to be back.)

IV. Frustration

It was a harsh reality to discover that Bam still cared about Rachel. Just thinking her name darkened Khun’s mood. The logical part of his mind insisted that he was already aware of this fact and just didn’t want to admit it. Of course Bam would chase after Rachel, she was his light. The person who came into his dark world and gave him everything. She was his original context to the outside world and other people. A mother, sister, friend, and savior all rolled into one person. That’s not something easily forgotten. 

Khun wished that he met Bam first. Before she could dig her claws in him. Before she attached herself to him like a parasite and made him depend on her. She was filthy trash.

Khun was beginning to understand their relationship - though he hated to acknowledge that. The emotional part of him hoped that Bam would let her go. He hoped that Bam would understand that she wasn’t worth his time and effort. 

Khun was frustrated.

After being pushed into the arms of FUG and having almost eight years taken away from him, Bam was still attached to that cruel, vile, and despicable woman. Somehow it was still about her .

The thought of Bam chasing after some like her made Khun’s stomach turn. She didn’t deserve to be around someone so unabashedly wonderful . She betrayed him and yet Bam wanted to see her. She would hurt him or take him away again. Khun doesn’t want that to happen - the very thought made him flinch. Khun doesn’t want Bam to be used by other people for their own purposes. He doesn’t want Bam to get hurt again and that’s simply how she operated. She used others and discarded them in favor of stronger and more useful allies. She didn’t care about anyone, but herself. Bam deserved far better than that. 

Doesn’t Bam see his real friends are here with him already? Rak; the dumb alligator, cared for Bam; as did Endorsi -  she’s dangerous, but a good friend -; Isu; Hatz; and so many others were already here . Khun himself cares so deeply it drives him crazy. 

Why her? Why does he still care about her? His friends were here. Khun was here. They were all here. Why was it always her? Why did someone so awful have a claim in someone so amazing? 

Thoughts ran frantically through his head until they were all tangled up. Khun took a few steadying breaths. He won’t make any progress at this rate. He needed to calm down to sort his thoughts. Otherwise, the frustration would soon boil over.

While he rationally knew that these feelings wouldn't serve him, there was a buzzing in his head that demanded retribution. An itch in his skin that warned Khun to hold Bam tight and never let him in her sights ever again. 

Khun bit his lip and clenched his fist in an attempt to reign himself in. He couldn’t do that to Bam. He made a team to kill her without telling him, but he couldn’t hide Bam away. Killing Rachel would be his burden to bear even if Bam grew to resent him for it. He would accept the resentment if it meant Bam would be safe.

He shoved those feelings away and buried them deep over the course of the year. He had too many other things to worry about. He couldn’t allow himself to get distracted otherwise he won’t be able to meet up with Bam. 

All those bottled up emotions burst out of him after the confrontation with Rachel before the Hell Train was stolen. They were short on time, Khun needed to plan, there were things to get done, but his heart didn’t listen . His foolish heart.

In the end, she was right. She was Bam’s star.

Khun hated it.

Khun tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. Tried to push down the tears that sprang to his eyes so easily whenever Bam was involved. Bam would be his undoing. Khun leaned against the wall of his room, unable to hold himself upright. 

Khun pressed the heels of his palm into his eyes in a vain attempt to keep the tears at bay. He saw stars. He’s supposed to be better than this. He’s not supposed to fall apart like this. 

He isn’t good enough.

He flinched. The thought stung, but it rang true to him. Khun wasn’t anymore worthy to stay at Bam’s side. The tears slipped past his hands. Bam was his star. For Khun, there was nothing he wasn’t willing to give, should Bam so desire it. 

 “Damn it…”

Khun grit his teeth and clenched his fist as he cried. It hurt. His affection for Bam ran deep and he would always try to stay at his side, but he would only ever be second best. At the top of the day, it would always be Rachel. Bam would never say it aloud, but Khun knew that Bam would choose Rachel over him. There probably wasn’t anything that would make him hate her. Bam’s nature was to forgive.

His heart clenched and ached. He slid down the wall as he sob. 

God, it hurt. 

(Bam lay in bed mulling over his thoughts. He needed to get on the Hell Train to stop Rachel. Bam sighed. He completely lost it when he saw her last...Khun was also avoiding him. They saw each other plenty, but there was a strange distance between them that Bam wasn’t sure how to cross. He desperately wanted to reach out and ask what was wrong.

V. Fear

The longer Khun stayed on the Hidden Floor, the more he was sure it was designed specifically to spite him.

Initially, everything seemed relatively normal. Him and the team got updated wardrobes and good food. It felt like a break from all the misery of the Hell Train. He reunited with Rak - he was concerned for the alligator after they got separated at the name hunt station. They got seperated from Bam, but he trusted that his friend would be alright and return soon. The quests were easy enough and Khun figured they would reach the next level quickly.

The difficulty of the quests became abnormal. It wasn’t immediately obvious and the villagers tried to assure him, but he saw their furrowed brows and tense smiles. Something or someone in the background was manipulating the scene. When Big Breeder showed up, with an apology and a smirk, Khun wasn’t wholly convinced. Their final test looked absurdly easy and Khun was instantly alarmed. He was the cautious type and red flags popped up in his head. Something was seriously wrong. 

It made sense that something was hiding in one of the eggs and - unforgivably - he nearly killed Bam by following the rules of the floor. The Big Breeder tried to trick him into killing Bam . Khun thanked his overly cautious nature that allowed him to stall for Bam and Endorsi to escape. This was why he insisted on bending the rules or outright making his own. Khun chastised himself for his carelessness and mulled over his mistake. He prided himself on his intelligence and being steps ahead of his opponent. Yet, he almost walked straight into an obvious trap with Bam caught in the crossfire.

Khun couldn’t even address it. He wasn’t sure how to apologize or bring it up in conversation. He just bottled up his guilt, though the unspoken words sat heavy on his tongue.

Khun shivered when they arrived at the next floor. A strange and dreadful chill hung in the air, but only he seemed to notice it. The cold clung to him unnaturally and he huddled into himself. It felt foreboding. It continued to linger even when he advanced further. His heart nearly stopped when the familiar observer hovered in front of him. 

He had a sneaking suspicion who would manifest as his sworn enemy. It would make sense to be Rachel, but there was one person whose existence haunted him. Who embodied one of his biggest regrets. So when Kiseia’s voice taunted him through the observer, he couldn’t even pretend to be surprised. He didn’t want his friends to see her, unsure of their reactions and if he could concentrate on fighting her with them nearby. She was bound to spill secrets and thoughts he didn’t want them to hear - things he didn’t want Bam to hear. 

Kiseia took Miseng hostage. That was just like his sister, afterall, they were taught in a similar enough way. Her words cut into him, but he couldn’t refute them and she knew it - evident from the self-assured grin on her face. At the end of the day, she was right. Their sister was dead because of him. In all his plans and schemes, in all his calculated outcomes, not once did he imagine his older sister to kill herself.

The dizzying speed of the knife reminded him of the constant spars back hom- before he was chosen. Before he was thrown out, the two of them were constantly pitted against each other by their mother. He didn’t normally lose to her before, but with Miseng trapped and him needing to get back to the group weighing on his mind, he makes a mistake. 

It hurt like hell. He clamped a hand over his stomach and teleported out with Miseng. He fell to his knees. Bam’s eyes grew wide with worry and he hovered over him. His movements frantic and unsure. Khun wanted to apologize for worrying him, but the pain killed the words in his throat. He groaned as a wave of agony rippled through him. His friends and Icarus - someone he doesn’t trust - all spoke over each other, the noise barely registering through the hazy feeling in his head.

The pain was mercifully taken away. This gets Icarus his thanks, but there’s still something off. For now, he will appreciate the fact that he lived. He took a deep breath to calm his still racing heartbeat. Bam took hold of his wrist, his finger delicately settled over his pulse, and looked at him intently. Khun smiled at him reassuringly. Bam offered a relieved grin before letting go. Khun lamented the loss.

Seeing data Eduan was a lesson in abject misery. It felt like looking at a stranger who vaguely resembles his father, but everything was skewed. The father he grew up with was a monsterous man that terrified Khun. Khun despised him to his very core. Data Eduan seemed almost amicable and while immensely powerful, he wasn’t like the man outside the Hidden Floor.

Khun didn’t want anything to do with him. Bam needed teaching and guidance to beat young data Jahad - though Khun sneered at the idea of that man being of much use. Khun resolved to just leave him to it, until Bam beckoned him and Rak over to try the clicker.

“An ice spear is a rare talent.”

How cruel. A feeling of dread crept down his back.

Khun couldn’t help snapping back, always defiant in the face of his father and trying to mask his emotions with disgust. “I’m a light bearer. Our team already has a spear bearer. I wouldn’t want to mess up our existing team composition. Besides, I could never beat you with a spear anyways.” He turned to go, a bitterness rising up and twisting within him. Of course his natural affinity would link back to that man. Most Khuns were master spear bearers after all, and Khun could never run away from his blood.

“Let’s learn together,” Bam said with a hand outstretched. His eyes were serious, but bright and Khun resigned himself to his fate. He couldn’t deny Bam like this. Not when all Khun wanted to stay together. He internally cursed his weakness to all things Bam. 

If that man could make him stronger and this would allow him to stay at his side a bit longer, well, Khun knew better than to refuse. 

He didn’t expect this to be so difficult. He could form crystals of ice, but all progress halted there. Meanwhile, Bam grew by leaps and bounds in the background and Khun felt himself slip further behind.

“Let go of your pride.”

He hated to admit that Hansung might have a point. He called himself Khun out of spite and pettiness - he might have been kicked out, but he earned his right to wear the crest - and he prided himself on climbing the tower using his wit and intelligence. His pride was restraining him, but Khun wasn’t sure what was left. He accepted help from his father, something he never imagined doing, and the thought of using a spear still disturbed him. 

It was a pointless struggle. It was a valuable asset. He would never be good enough. He would try. Warring thoughts raged in his head on loop, an endless argument within himself. 

The solution came stupidly easy in actual battle. He stared down Viole, Bam’s sworn enemy, and it clicked. It was almost laughable how he didn’t see it before. He pulled out a spear from his lighthouse and coated it in ice. This will do for now. 

The weight of the spear was familiar in his hands and he held it with confidence. Let go of his pride, huh? Alright, time to test this new power out then.

Bam laughed at the ice skating rink and Khun’s smile softened at the sight. Bam looked so tense these days. For a second, the impending fight against young data Jahad didn’t loom over them. 

Khun wishes Bam luck. They have to separate for a moment now. Bam will fight Data Jahad and Khun will be elsewhere. His heart aches and all he can do is send Bam off with a smile and trust that his training will keep him alive. Khun has his own mission to worry about, but a part of him always knew that the worry would linger in the back of his mind, until Bam came back safe.

Though it seems he should have been worried about himself. His chest hurts and he crumples to his knees. Icarus, no, Rachel stands over him with a smirk of triumph. That bitch. He glares at her with vitriol, but she looks down on him. He would love to wipe the smug look on her face. 

There’s a bomb in his chest. He’s going to die because of that snake. He should have snapped her legs in half himself. There’s no time for regrets though as the agonizing pain ripples through his body. He doesn’t remember when he got on his knees or when Rak started speaking to him. He can’t hear over the blood rushing through his ear

He sobs in pain. He’s not going to be able to continue up the tower with Bam. He’s not going to be able to stay at his friend’s side. He’s going to die here at the hands of that conniving witch.

The worst part is that Khun is afraid. He cries out of agony and fear. Fear that he will never get to see Bam emerge victorious against Data Jahad. Fear that half his friends will never know what truly happened to him because of the rule about the Hidden Floor. He’s never feared death, but now he’s afraid of everything he’ll miss, of everything he has yet to do.

Death is cold.

(Khun doesn’t know how shaken Bam became when he saw Khun’s body suspended in glass. The rage covered the primal fear that Bam felt as he watched the recording Beta made. Bam stalks off after Rachel like a predator. He wouldn’t kill her, yet. Bam watches as she escapes impassively. The anger recedes, but the fear remains.)

+1 Comfort

Khun awakes from his two year coma to utter pandemonium. Bam has grown so much in the last two years and it throws him for a loop. He’s immensely proud of Bam for growing so strong and confident. However, it takes Khun a second to adjust. He’s relieved when he finds that he can still understand Bam from just a look. Time hasn’t taken that from him, at least.

Khun slots back into his relationship with Bam easily enough, but all the emotion that Khun’s shoved down or forced away suddenly bubbles over. It’s terrifying. In the end, nothing has changed, but at the same time, everything has changed. 

He focuses on the warm flash in his chest. He obtained the firefish, but it still wasn’t enough. Not to catch up to Bam, whose growth only exploded in his comatose state. He always grew at an exponential rate, but now…

Khun felt the time slip through his fingers like sand. It felt like a matter of moths before he would be forced to leave Bam’s side, unable to assist him up the tower. He could hear the clock tick in the back of his mind and try as he might, he knew it futile to stop it. He could struggle to extend the timer, but in the end, it was a pointless struggle. 

A shark cannot swim with minnows forever.

He knew that. Accepted that way back on the Hell Train when Evan first verbalized it. Yet, the phrase haunts his steps. It lingers in the back of his mind, popping up when he least expects it. Khun hates it. Hates how he knows that everything will end soon when all he wants to do is stay at Bam’s side. His fate is to be left behind, while Bam blazes on ahead. Their fates diverge on separate paths. He should handle it with grace.

He can’t.

Khun loves Bam too much to lose his smile and friendship. To lose staying at his side and watching his eyes sparkle with confidence and delight.

He knows better than to cling to that though. While Khun has always considered himself selfish, he would not allow himself - would not forgive himself - if he ever slowed Bam down. 

He was a burden for two years already, he won’t allow it to happen again. So instead he tries to extend the clock. Using the firefish and strategizing with high rankers, he tries to cement himself as a vital asset. He’s not sure he can.

He can’t allow himself to be a burden. Can’t allow himself to be useless. 

Won’t allow himself to ask Bam if he can stay.

He holds himself together during the Cage and at the Nest. It’s honestly a wonder that Khun held on as long as he did. He stays strong while facing waves of rankers and Princess Maschenny. He kept his cool when they rescued Jinsung. Despite all the stress on his shoulders - or maybe because of it - Khun remains unfazed.

Then things calm down for once and Khun starts fraying at the seams. Bit by bit he feels his control, his carefully maintained facade cracks.

He finds himself avoiding his friends. Avoiding Bam. He can read him best and Khun is terrified of what Bam might find on his face. Rak shouts at him - reminiscent of another time - and tells him that he needs to stop avoiding him. To stop being a coward. Khun mocks him and gets him frustrated before evading him. Rak - and it pains him to say - is right. He returns to his room and slumps against the wall. 

Khun’s a useless, pathetic, coward. The knowledge that there’s nothing he can contribute suffocates him slowly. 

Burden.

His chest tightens. He leans his head against the wall and stares blankly at the ceiling which blurs before him. He was a fool. The tears slide silently down his face and he grips his forearms tightly, trying to hold himself together. 

There’s a knock on his door. 

“Khun…?”

Khun curses quietly to himself. He forces his voice to come out steady and even. He can’t show weakness. “I’m a bit busy, Bam.” Khun can’t let him come in here. Can’t let him see.

“Khun? Are you alright?”

Evidently, he didn’t lie well enough. He doesn’t seem to be doing anything well enough these days. Still, he would try. “I’m fine.”

There’s a beat of silence and Khun thinks Bam’s left. It’s simultaneously relieving and disappointing. He takes a deep breath - it wavers - and hardens his heart. At least he tried . This was what he wanted. There is no time for these idle thoughts, he should really be working. 

He can’t force himself to move. He can’t force himself to stop the tears slipping down his face. He can’t even make an attempt to wipe them off.

He can’t he can’t he can’t.

The door opens - did he not lock it, stupid, careless mistake - and Khun snaps his head over to it. Bam stands in the doorway. Khun watches through tears as the expression on his face starts sheepish before it shifts to surprise and settling on worry. It’s fascinating, but ultimately distressing. Khun put that look of worry there. Bam had enough to worry about, what was he doing adding to the pile. 

Bam quickly crosses the room and hovers at his side, unsure whether or not it’s alright to touch him. Khun would laugh or make a remark, but his words are trapped in his throat.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Bam’s voice lilts with worry and panic.

Khun shakes his head for his words - his silver tongue a source of pride - have abandoned him. 

Bam doesn’t seem to take that for an answer. He seems momentarily incredulous before slipping right back into panic. “You’re crying.”

Khun clears his throat. “I’m fine. Just give me a moment.”

“Talk to me.” Bam puts a hand on his cheek and wipes at the tears rolling down Khun’s face. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

His hand is so warm and gentle, but Khun swallows back the words bouncing in his head. He can’t tell Bam that. “There’s nothing to help with. There’s nothing to fix. It’s nothing you should concern yourself with. I’m fine. Really.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Khun almost laughs. Bam seems to have only grown more stubborn and more willing to vocalize it. “An ultimatum?”

“Yes. Now stop deflecting.” Bam’s eyes shine with sincerity and he puts his forehead against Khun’s. “Please?”

Khun’s always been far too weak for Bam and those earnest golden eyes. “I am upset at the rapidly approaching time limit in which we’ll be apart again.”

Bam draws back and tilts his head in confusion. “What? Are you going somewhere? Why d-”

“Bam.” Khun cuts him off and smiles helplessly through his tears. “It’s not that I’m going somewhere. It’s where you’re going.” Bam opens his mouth again as if to argue and Khun presses a finger to his lips. Bam closes his mouth, but there’s a strange expression on his face that Khun can’t decipher. “You’re going to go where I can't follow. It’s inevitable.”

Khun pauses for a second, deliberating whether or not to continue. However, Bam asked him to talk. He can’t tell him everything, but he can offer this. “Afterall, a shark can’t swim with minnows forever.”

Bam looks stricken. “What do you mean?”

“I can only go so far. You’re destined to go higher.” Khun takes a deep breath, it barely wavers. The tears stop falling. He schools his face. It’s far too late, Bam already saw his tears, but he can at least attempt to save face now.

“You promised to take me to the top.”

“We both know you don’t need my help anymore.”

“That’s not true!” They both startle at his outburst, but Bam keeps going, clearly too agitated to stop. “You’re the one with the plans! I would have never gotten my Master back without you. I need you by my side.”

Khun waves his hand dismissively. “How long will that last? I don’t want you to be forced to protect me.”

Bam gives him a hard look, searching him with his eyes. “Why do you want to leave me?”

“I don’t.”

“You do. You wouldn’t be saying these things if you weren’t.”

In a way, Bam was right. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew it would benefit Bam if he did. Khun would do anything for Bam to stay safe and if that meant removing himself from the equation… Well, he’d do it for Bam, no matter how much it aches. 

He hesitates. He would have to open his heart more to continue the conversation. Could he really do that? Could he be vulnerable? Bam deserved to understand, didn’t he. Besides, he already cried. “I refuse to become a burden for you as you climb the tower. If me leaving is the only way to prevent that, then I’ll do what I must.”

“A burden?” Bam, to his credit, looks confused.

“Yes.”

“Khun… No, you’re wrong.”

“Bam…”

“What’s the point of climbing the tower if you’re not by my side, Aguero?”

Khun blinks in surprise at being addressed that way. He hasn’t heard himself be called by that name in years. “What?”

Bam sighs, but his expression looks far too fond. His golden eyes are soft and kind. They are bright like the sun. “For someone so smart, you can sure miss some obvious things.”

“What am I missing, then? The way I see it, I’m going to slow you down.”

“I don’t care how fast or slow I climb the tower. I only care whether or not you'll be there when I do.”

“I’m not going to stay if you suffer for it.”

“If you leave, I’ll suffer.” 

Khun’s breath hitches and Bam strokes Khun’s cheek. The notion reminiscent of his time on the Hell Train. His mouth falls open slightly. “Bam…?”

“Honestly, Aguero, after everything, do you think I could function without you by my side? You make me feel human. When you were...” Bam falters and reorients himself, “In your coma, it was awful. I didn’t know what to do. I just threw myself into training with Evankhell, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was... I was miserable without you.”

Khun takes a deep breath, that was a lot to take in all at once.

“Would you please stay by my side?”

“I-”

“Please, Aguero?” Bam asks, his voice low and pleading.

“You’re so stubborn.”

Bam’s face lights up and Khun gets pulled further into his orbit. “What do you want, Aguero?”

Suddenly, it all clicks. A shark couldn’t swim with minnows forever, but Khun never liked rules. Guess he’ll just have to become a shark instead. He wants to stay at Bam’s side. This wonderful man gave him a place at his side. He’s giving him a chance to have the one thing he’s longed for this entire time.

His heart lifts, the ache eased for the first time in months - maybe years. Khun smiles softly and Bam’s eyes widen. 

“I want to stay. With you.”

“Then stay.”

Bam makes it sound so simple, but Khun allows himself to have this hope. “I’ll stay.”

In this room, untouched by the outside world, the two resolve to enjoy the rest of their climb. Together.