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Chapter Text

"Uh, you do know this is totally illegal, right?" I pointed out to Ryuzaki, holding up my arm to stare at the chain that now handcuffed my right wrist with his left, the chain between it not even six feet long. I couldn't believe that I would have to do this. I wouldn't be able to get even six feet away from that bastard at any time. It was impossible.

On the other end of the line, slightly hunched and looking rather amused himself at the chain he'd just slapped around our wrists, staring up at me with wide eyes. "Since when have I ever been a man of the law, Light-kun?"

"Uh, like, isn't that your entire job-" I threw my hands out but stopped midway, thinking about it. No, he was right. He claimed to be working with the law, but well, this definitely wouldn't be the first immoral action he's taken. I mean, what have we got- stalking, identity theft, kidnapping, torture, sexual harrassment in order to get Misa's phone, bribery, using a death row inmate as bait, hacking... the list went on. I rescind my statement. L was a detective, but well- he was far from an angel. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole if I hadn't been suspected of a murder I didn't commit. "Nevermind," I sighed. "But that still doesn't make this ok! I don't consent to this, you're holding me against my will!"

"Hm? I seem to recall that you agreed to this earlier, did you not?" Ryuzaki cocked his head, smiling, biting his thumb. "You recognized that it was necessary in order for you to be cleared?"

"Yes," I sighed, "But I wasn't in my right mind then! I- I changed my mind!" I yelled, somewhat flustered, uncomfortable. The thought of being this close to L filled me with an actually painful sensation of hatred and dread, unnerved in a manner I was unused to. "I'm not Kira, this is stupid!"

His head was still lolling to the side as he responded again in that never bothered monotone. "You do realize that statement lends itself to about as much credibility as Bruce Wayne saying 'I'm not batman'? I won't be able to believe you until I see you next to him. You have to realize that this is a completely necessary precaution I must undertake to ensure that you are not Kira. I must be able to surveill you at all hours and be absolutely sure you are not hiding anything. We will be chained together 24 hours a day."

"Whaaaaat?!" Misa cried in exasperation. Damn, I'd almost forgotten she was there. Would have been nice to keep it that way. "So that's what you meant by 24 hours a day?"

"Yes, that is in fact what twenty four hours a day means," L said flatly, already clearly done with her.

"That sounds really perverted, Ryuzaki, is that what you're into??" she mocked, getting into his face as he stepped back.

"Like I said, I'm not doing this because I want to," he said, and it was clear he didn't. Although he looked at the situation in amusement, he stood there just as awkward and uncomfortable as me, looking quite miserable. I didn't know what Misa was going on about. Of course that's what she would immediately go to, her brain was one hundred percent relationship shit. But I certainly didn't think of it that way. Not that the thought hadn't come across my mind, but I dismissed it very quickly. We all liked to call L a perv of course, but I knew it was all necessary for his job, as were many other of the stranger aspects of his personality, such as the way he held things to keep fingerprints off of them and his lack of sleep when he was working hard on a case. He wasn't doing this out of any desire but duty. Ryuzaki was very dedicated to his job, to his own detriment even, and I had to admire that. He was willing to do something this extreme to get the facts. He was compromising himself very much to do something like this. Not only would every aspect of myself be visible to him, he would be pretty bare to me as well. If we were truly chained together like this, there really wouldn't be much we'd be able to hide from each other at all. I guess that was the entire point, really. But the idea of being so exposed to each other sent an involuntary shiver down my spine.

"But what about when Light and I go on dates?" Misa pouted, as if that was a thing that would happen. Jeez, I had no clue what to do with her. She just showed up one day and decided that she was my girlfriend. She was suspect for the second Kira, too, so I was pretty much stuck with her. I didn't know how to tell her to just fucking screw off, no, I didn't like her, and I had no clue how she though I did. I kind of worried she might kill someone if I told her though. I never encouraged her, of course, but I couldn't do anything. Just her voice made me want to off myself, and she seemed to have owned a singular brain cell she decided would be of better use in my hands.

"Well, then it'll be the three of us," L shrugged, much to Misa's dismay. And somehow that was kind of comforting. I hated Ryuzaki, but in a respectful way. I liked hating him. I enjoyed the act of wanting to prove him wrong. I just wanted to forget Misa existed.

"That's not fair!1!1 Does that mean we have to kiss when you're watching??"

"I did not say you had to do anything of the sort, but I would be if you did," Ryuzaki said, but Misa had continued to list activities we would most definitely not be engaging in.

"I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THERE WILL BE NOTHING OF THE SORT TO WORRY ABOUT," I intervened fast and loud, sickened by the thought. L didn't want to deal with that. Or rather, I didn't. I'm sure L would find it hilarious.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what this would truly mean for L and I in the long term. "But... what if I need to use the restroom, or shower? Or fucking sleep??" I asked, starting to panic a little but not letting it show. There was no way he'd let it off for that, or at all for that matter.

He shrugged. "Yeah, we'll have to be together. I don't like it either, Light, this sucks for the both of us."

"This was your idea," I snarled and turned on my heels, face red hot with obsessive hatred. I tried to storm out of the room dramatically, but it was very soon clear how much that wouldn't work, and within 5 steps the chain was pulled taut and Ryuzaki was pulled to the ground with a slight cry of surprise, pulled to my feet, the sleep deprived detective lying there like a crushed frog, staring at me accusatorily.

"I see this is going to be a fun time," I sighed out in exasperation.

Chapter Text

Not much later, I was sitting on a couch in Misa's rooms, where she would now be staying so she could be under surveillance. It was funny how L trusted her more than he trusted me, which, damn, that hurt, but well, it only made sense he would want to surveill me more closely- I was much smarter than her, and I was the prime suspect for the original kira as compared to her secondary allegation. He'd... he'd want to keep me closer, because if I was Kira, I'd probably make moves indiscernible by camera. And well... not to mention that in the situation he would suggest chaining himself to Misa as well, all hell would break loose. I shivered at the thought- she was maybe the one person in the entire world that I'd rather be chained to Ryuzaki than. Other than him, I couldn't imagine anything worse than this and yet it had to come to pass and I would have to endure it for however long it took for him to be convinced I wasn't a murderer.

But it wasn't all his fault- I was the one to beg for it, I was the one who said lock me up, I was the one so desperate, I was the one who said do whatever you want to me, anything you have to do to be convinced I'm not Kira. What the hell had I been thinking, damn it, what did I picture he'd do when I invited him to 'do whatever you want to me'?!

Unbidden, an image arose in my mind.

I exhaled sharply, sitting up straight and blinking it away, grounding myself in the room where Misa sat across from me, Ryuzaki right next to me on the couch, unable to keep that flush of heat from flooding me. Dear god, what was that?

"You alright there, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki turned around and blinked at me, eyes wide and skeptical. "You seem a little red."

"Nothing," I said at once. "What were we talking about?"

"We were talking about how this doesn't feel like a date with Ryuzaki hanging around like a creep," Misa pouted, crossing her legs on the couch opposite us.

"Pay no attention to me," L held up his hands as if we could do such a thing when he was the only thing I could look at, he stood out like a sore thumb crouching there with hair spiking everywhere like it had never touched a brush or been cut, shadowing his face, with his pale skin, large black eyes, the skin under them bruised purple blue with lack of sleep, awkward as could be. I studied him, eyes following the curve of his face, his jawline, the tiny soft indent where it curved in to form the corner of his lips, his dark eyelashes and the spot where his head disappeared behind his hair that seemed to be a different shade black under every light source. How could I not pay attention to him, how could I act as though he were not there, how could I try and pretend that I cared for Misa's company when Ryuzaki was the one who told me I had to go on one to gain her trust for the investigation?

I put my head in my hand, running that hand through my hair, leaning back on the couch. Jesus christ, Light... what's wrong with you? I thought to myself, irritated. Why was it so hard to just think clearly? It shouldn't be that difficult to just ignore him, ignore that he was chained to me, ignore the thought that it would be this way indefinitely. But it was.

"By the way, Misa, are you going to be eating that cake?" L pointed innocently at Misa's untouched cake slice, despite the fact that he had just stuffed his face with his own piece and half of my own, the strawberry still staining his lips.

"Uh, no, sweets make you fat," she said pointedly, aggressively, as if she was competing with L. Acting like he was another girl. She'd been stupid possessive of me lately, especially now that there was this handcuff on my wrist, incomprehensibly acting as if Ryuzaki was going to, like, steal me from her, as if she had me at all. She was delusional. I had no clue what she was worried about, I'd never expressed interest in being with her, and to insinuate that L would take that away was weird. That was kind of saying that by virtue of our forced closeness we'd get more intimate than I was with her, and well, she was right, but it didn't mean anything. We had to do this. We were both guys, it didn't mean anything like that, I tried to convince myself. But she seemed to think of it that way. She saw Ryuzaki as a threat and it made me feel weird.

However, Ryuzaki did not see Misa as a threat. "Well actually, if you burn calories by thinking a lot you can eat sweets without gaining weight," he, stared blankly at her like she was a forgien object, her intent completely flying above his head.

"What? Are you calling me stupid now?!" she yelled back in exasperation.

L shrugged, his eyebrows raised in a sarcastic 'well I wasn't before but now that you mention it' look. I almost snorted before thinking better. Fuck. Why was I laughing at a joke he hadn't even said, the expression on his face- I hated L. I refused to believe I wanted to laugh. But as much as Misa was technically my girlfriend, his look at her expense was amazing. The way he disarmed her without even a thought. Even though she seemed to believe I loved her, I felt absolutely nothing but annoyance at her. If she wasn't a suspect I would never spend a second with her.

"Fine. I'll give you the cake. Now can Light and I be alone?"

"If I did leave you two alone, I'd still be watching you on the cameras, so it wouldn't make any difference..."

"Ugh, you're such a pervert!"

"You can call me whatever you like, but I'm still taking your cake." He got up, hunched over, and took the cheesecake from her hands... and somehow she looked offended, even though she said she wasn't eating it anyhow. I watched silently as they continued to verbally pummel each other, by way of Misa Can't Give It Fucking Up for like 20 minutes, going on about... you know, her being horny for me again, while Ryuzaki kept saying he'd be watching everything no matter what. Although I knew that under no circumstances would I be doing anything with Misa, Ryuzaki's constant eye on me made me feel vulnerable and weak. I didn't know how I'd survive like this.

"Whatever," I bluntly changed the subject. "We have this new fancy facility now, Ryuzaki, but you don't seem very into it." I stated. Misa had her own floor, and so did we. Now that I thought about it, I realized that we would have to completely share a space. There was no 'Ryuzaki's room' or 'Light's room', I couldn't go home if I wanted to. Which, well, I don't- I never really kept much personal in my room anyway, it was always just a place to sleep. Generally it wouldn't really matter where it was I slept, but next to Ryuzaki was not an option I'd ever considered, and, well...

I couldn't help but flash to the thought I'd had before.

I carefully put that away in a dark vault in my mind, never to be opened.

"...Into it?" L asked, as if he'd never heard of the term. "Not really... actually, I'm kind of depressed," he confessed, staring down at his cake, circles under his eyes, hair out of place. In that moment he looked tiny, tired and sad and adorable and erratically, I felt a genuine look of concern cross my face.

"Depressed?" I asked, inching closer to him. Heavily, I felt the chain around my wrist and it's connection to L, holding his plate of cake close to him and shoving it in his mouth. I rubbed my wrist, unconsciously holding the chain.

"For the longest time I thought you were Kira, and clearly, I still suspect you, but... it doesn't make any sense. If you were controlled by Kira to be suspect, you'd be dead, now that you don't really seem suspicious like you used to for me. You can't just be a victim that way. You have almost a different personality now then when I first confined you."

"Well, jeez, Ryuzaki, you spend a month in a jail cell all tied up, only being let out to be questioned, see if maybe you're a little different when you come out." I mocked him, voice tinged with hurt. I crossed my arms. "Sometimes I think I'd really like to tie you up for a change."

He raised his eyebrows. "Wow, I didn't know you were into that, Light-kun," and I almost spit out my coffee.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!" I shrieked, much more defensive than I really needed to be, suddenly very red. "Jesus christ, as if," I rolled my eyes at him, gesturing at his shabby appearance. "thE POINT is that the way you're putting it makes it seem like you still think we're Kira."

"Yes, I still do," he said, very confidently. :"You are both Kira. Or rather, you were. I think you must have somehow transferred the power to someone else and lost your memory of it, probably planning to get it back through some method in the future. That's the only explanation for your behaviour and the actions of Kira. Misa doesn't remember why she fell in love with you, or how she knew your name. She did not remember she'd been taken into captivity under suspicion of being the second Kira. You started acting a little differently directly before criminals started dying again- your eyes seemed to grow more wide and innocent, and you are no longer as willing to manipulate people. I..." Ryuzaki bit his lip. "I feel like I trust you more. You're just... suddenly genuinely innocent and well meaning, comparatively." he fiddled with his fork. "It's taken me quite off guard. I can't explain it any other way."

I frowned. "I've always been like this, ever since I was a little kid. I'm not manipulative, I'm honest and I try my best not to lie or cheat in any way. How would you be able to even tell? I certainly haven't noticed anything different like this."

"Well, you wouldn't. And well, if you haven't noticed, I've made quite the habit of..." He stuck his thumb idly in his mouth. "...watching you quite a lot."

I exhaled an affectionate laugh, dismissing him with the wave of my hand. "Yeah, no kidding." I leaned back on the couch and crossed my legs. "I wouldn't quite call you a guardian angel, Ryuzaki... But you certainly do like to stare at me. Fuck off with it." I stared off into the distance for a second before frowning. "But on that premise, it would certainly make it quite difficult to catch kira, then..."

"Yes, that's why I'm depressed," he agreed, voice low, staring down at his cake in existential pain. "If I'm right, it will be near impossible to catch him."

"Oh, well don't give up hope, you're L! You're the smartest person in the world! You've never left a case unsolved!" I said encouragingly, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked so sad, I felt like just wrapping him up in my arms but that was out of the question. He's my goddamn greatest enemy, even though I'm working with him. It's not like I'm Kira, but my hatred for this man who had so inconvenienced, humiliated, suspected me, who had invaded my privacy and accused me of murder and messed with my mind at every chance went above and beyond any simple feeling. Sometimes I respected him, I guess, he was incredibly smart and adept at what he did, and I had to admire his skill, but other times I wanted to call him a dirty cheater and barely above a criminal himself for all his words. Whatever it was I felt so strongly towards him, I shouldn't be cozying up to him. That was stupid. He was an abhorrent bony freak and I refused to let myself find him momentarily cute. I refused to put myself on his side. I wasn't on his side. We weren't friends, we weren't even allies, really, our relationship was forced in almost every aspect by our situation. But he called me his only friend.

I sat, and refused to let that get to me.

He shrugged, hardly a movement at all. "I just can't. What's even the point anymore, it's hardly worth it. All it's doing is putting me in danger and hurting you to continue the case. I know you hate me. I want to just apologize for it all and give up. But if not you, I don't know where this investigation could even go. I've already put all our lives on the line for it." He looked miserable and absolutely done, and I couldn't stand it.

And I just stood up. "Ryuzaki..." I sighed out, and without barely a thought I punched him. Full on, straight in the face, absolutely fed up with his bullshit. Fuckin socked him. And it was extremely satisfying, let me tell you, just the crush of my fist against his face, the surprise and the breath knocked out of his stupid frog face was absolutely splendid. But the force of my punch threw him backward across the room and unwittingly I was pulled along too by the chain, both of us hurtling across the room until he hit the wall and slid to the floor. He just sat up, dazed, and muttered "ow...", in shock, cocking his head.

I started screaming at him immediately, fed up. "Just because you've finally realized I'm not Kira doesn't mean you get to just give up on the case! Are you just gonna sit there and whine like a baby?!"

WHe looked up from the floor, limbs at odd angles, with a vulnerable, timid, adorable look that said 'yeah, I am, what about it?' He wiped his face off with the back of his hand, nose now bleeding. "Well at this point, we're clearly not getting anywhere, so shouldn't we just stop?" He prodded again, very determined in his depression, but I wasn't fucking having it.

"We have to defeat Kira!? You did so much to get here! You promised we'd send him to his execution! So many innocent lives are on the line for this, you locked us all up for this! We're going to catch Kira together, whether you like it or not!" I was fucking ready to haul him off the floor myself if he couldn't find the motivation, his shirt bunched tight in my hand, but now Ryuzaki answered.

"I get what you're saying, but no matter what, it's an eye for an eye!" He shouted, and suddenly there was a swiping kick from the floor and a bare foot impacting my face, quite expertly done. I might have wondered where he managed to acquire skills like that, but I was occupied at the moment flying the fuck across the room, chained to him, lost in this sudden physical contact, drowning in the rushing feeling I got when I touched him, when I hit him and he hit back. We fell against the couch again but all of a sudden L has awkwardly and involuntarily been thrown on top of me by the blow, every part of his lanky body suddenly shoved onto me, and at once in a panic I pushed him off of me violently, breathing heavily, no longer able to tell what it meant. My breath came ragged, deep, heat came off me in waves, muscles aching.

"What I don't like about this isn't that my reasoning could have been flawed, it's that the case couldn't be solved with a simple answer." L corrected me incessantly, trying to get up, draped across the floor in a fallen position, one arm holding him up. "So I'm a bit disappointed. I'm human, am I not allowed to feel that?"

"No, you're not, there are plenty of things that you're not allowed to feel," I threw back and only caught myself after the fact, realizing it'd come out a lot more emotional than I'd bargained for. "The way you're saying it makes it seem like you won't be satisfied unless I'm Kira!" I yelled defensively, stuck on the word satisfied. What L would be satisfied with was the real question. I adjusted my collar uncomfortably, suddenly struggling for air. I got up from the ground, hair messed up, staring him down in a hungry, heightened nature that L returned in full, grabbing hold of the chain without grace and yanking on it, both of us gasping as he fell to the ground, hands out.

"I won't be satisfied unless you're Kira...?" He raised his eyebrows, getting up on his hands and knees in a crouching position and suddenly crawling toward me in a predatory manner, as I leaned back, unable to stand up. His face was unemotional, stoic mouth in a line slightly downturned, but he grabbed my collar and pulled at me, trying to reach for me even as I struggled back, starting to genuinely enjoy this fight, this battle of wits and strategy with our hearts on our sleeve. I'd expected him not to fight back, but he was surprisingly adept and I was finding it an actual challenge to keep up with him. I felt as if I'd needed badly to let out the energy I'd bottled up towards him, every bit of me that ached to grab at him, to claw at him and throttle him every minute was fulfilled, even as we kept debating with our voices. "That may be true..." L continued. "I have just realized something." His face was inches from mine, clambering over me with his hand to my throat, his wide dark eyes stabbing through the core of my being. "I wanted you to be Kira."

He wanted me to be Kira- that sick fuck- In rage, I managed to get upright from the floor and punch him again, filled with a passionate hatred. L struggled against the force of my fist, standing upright and shaking, using all his energy not to be pushed backwards, even as I tried to pin him down. His back was arched but he didn't give in, he stood still with clenched fists and stubbornly held out against me, absorbing all the pain and saying "I'll have you know I'm quite strong." Ha, yeah right, computer boy. I would be dominant here.

We kept fighting like that, completely consumed by it, forgetting Misa was still there- by now huddled in the corner. The world turned to a blur of hands and legs and pain and energy, tearing at each other, pushing the other's body to physical limits, seeing how far we could go, a battle of as much strategy, intelligence, as physical strength, increasingly flexing on each other. It became strangely lovely, in the worst way, the gasps out of our mouths, the interactions between our limbs, the constant battle to get on top of the other, grabbing at each other in an increasingly desperate, frantic, hungry manner, chains flying and restraining and pulling us together as we turned each other into a mess of scuffs, bruises, disorder that had us both absolutely insane until suddenly the phone rang, and that snapped us out of everything, the unexpected noise shattering our wordless debate. And we were caught red handed, somehow both looking as if we'd committed a crime. Our eyes were wide, suddenly frozen in the position where we'd just been violently grabbing, pulling at each others' shirts, dragging both of them up so much our chests were exposed, strangely wanting that, lunging at each other menacingly. We were frozen, and it was if the senses I'd lost to him came back all in that one second. I took a look at us and at once felt extremely scared as if I'd been caught doing something my own mind hadn't authorized. No thought had gone into that fight, not a single brain cell, we'd shed them all along the way.

And now all that intelligence was back to go what the fuck at myself, what the fuck was I doing, you wouldn't think L and I would be the kind of people to go "bruh are they gay or are they just dumb guys" at, but like. That happened. I blinked. That had certainly become more sexual than I had planned on.

I stood stock still with my mouth open as L lunged for the phone, just as hot and bothered but somehow managing to act as though it was completely normal to be crouched on the ground like a spider, holding the phone in one hand and a pal you're chained to in the other. And silently I waited for a response, delaying the mental reckoning to what had just happened in my own brain, putting off actually looking at the whole situation clearly. "Wh- what is it, Ryuzaki?" I asked, apprehensive.

He only sighed and dropped the phone again, rolling his eyes and dismissing it with "Matsuda's acting stupid again." he then truned back to me, but then... we just stared at each other blankly, the aftershock of our intersting engagement hanging in the air.

And for a few seconds it was as if nothing existed that truly mattered except for him and I.

Chapter Text

It was all fun and games until night fell. Since the fight, the rest of the task force had managed to keep us fairly on task, trying to regulate us. We'd calmed down and I'd convinced him to start working on the case again. Misa was left behind in her room, and well, no one was asking for anything else. We managed to get a decent amount of work done, during that time, as I tried and failed to ignore the chain connecting me to the gremlin sitting next to me. We had to always sit next to each other now, and there was always that extra weight on my arm, the unforgiving metal connection, irritating and heavy and making it difficult to write, constantly making the clanking chain noise when it moved that was already getting to me fast. Eventually I had to use the bathroom, and after much arguing we'd concluded I could lock him out as long as he waited outside, the chain still connecting us under the door. I'd had to hold my arm out to reach it. I did not like it one bit. He hadn't even wanted to allow that- citing that I could somehow commit murder from inside the bathroom if he wasn't watching. But I had to draw the line some fucking where. Even married couples didn't use the restroom together.

God, I was already so sick of him, I didn't have any clue how I was going to survive much longer. In the first few hours of it we already managed to have an epic fight, and Misa chewed us out over it for an hour, before going downstairs to be lectured for another by the task force. That was entirely unprofessional of us, they'd said, but Matsuda punched and broke a computer last month, so what did they really expect from us. If we were going to be forced to be together, things like this were bound to happen.

He and I were complete opposites. Red and blue, ice and fire, gasoline and a lit match. If we were put together, we'd ignite, we'd explode, we'd collide and destroy, those feelings consuming everything. I hated cooperating with him but you had to admit we worked together well, if you overlooked all the fighting. When we agreed on something we could be very productive, and we disagreed we ended up getting something done about it either way. I hated though that most of the time when we did, he ended up getting his way. It felt so submissive and it aggravated me to no end. We worked fine far apart, but when we were put together everything set on fire.

The day had already been so disastrously eventful, and now it was nearly 10 PM. I'd pretty much finished up all the work I could do without information that would hopefully come tomorrow. I'd normally just get up and go to bed, but...

I looked down at my wrist.

Oh, fuck. Right.

"Um... hey, Ryuzaki?" I asked uncertainly, hovering over him. I knew we'd have to share the same bedroom now, he'd stated plainly that he wouldn't let the handcuffs off even during the night. But the chain simply wasn't long enough to even accommodate separate beds if they weren't pushed together. Oh jesus fuck we'd have to sleep in the same bed-

"Yes, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki turned to me, friendly, twirling around in his chair with a fork in his mouth.

"Um. Can we. Go to bed?" I requested, cringing inwardly, face hot.

"Ah, yes, of course. Silly me," He laughed, managing to be annoyingly adorable, "I'd forgotten that you now lack free will."

My eyes narrowed. "Who said you were in charge of this? I should have just as much say in what we do as you," I fumed, about ready to slap him again. "If I may, I'd say I should have more. I'm the one who has my shit together, I should be in charge."

L smiled deviously, leaning forward and placing a finger to my mouth, much to my astonishment and embarrassment. "Oh, really now, I seem to remember that you're my suspect, not the other way around." He tapped the finger to my chest and then his. I pulled away, but I couldn't prevent the flush of hot crimson seeping into my cheeks.

"Whatever," I brushed him off. "I'm ready to go to bed. To get ready I'll have to shower and get changed as well, so we'd better figure that out."

"Alright, I suppose I must," he sighed, unsteadily standing up and walking hunched next to me. "The bonus, Light-kun, is that we have an entire floor of this building all to ourselves," Ryuzaki pointed out. "Think of it as a nice silver lining to your confinement." He smiled in another attempt to get me on his side, like all he said. L was infuriatingly good at it, this manipulation through his words that had you thinking one thing and feeling another, all his intentional points that led you to believe he was more innocent than he was. I found myself having difficulty pulling apart the truth from the lies, the genuine from the guilt trip. I couldn't help but do it back at him sometimes, take his trap and turn it into my own. He liked when I did that too much. It was a game for him, my mind, when it meant my entire future. I rolled my eyes aggressively as we walked to the elevator.

"Great, a whole suite, complete with my own clingy little raccoon man."

"Aw, Light-kun, that's not fair. You're going to have to deal with me for a good while, you know, you might as well use your brain and get on my good side while you can." He raised his eyebrows, sounding completely genuine when I knew he was making one of his convoluted jokes again. I gave him the finger. What was it with him and treating me like his own personal bottom boy?! He made the weirdest fucking remarks.

Once we arrived in his suite, he showed me around- there was a living room, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a kitchen- pretty much its own apartment, up on the thirteenth floor.

"Uh, why is there a kitchen? Watari makes all your food. I know you can't cook."

"Well maybe I was hoping you might make me sweets," L said, and he looked serious.

"Absolutely not," I responded without looking at him. "Alright now take off the fucking handcuffs so I can take a shower." I held out my arm at him.

"Oh, that's not going to happen, Light-kun." Ryuzaki blinked at me, thumb in his mouth. "I'm going to have to come with you. I'll wait outside the shower before taking my own, if you like. Just pretend like I'm not there."

"Oh, fuck you L, fine. But you do realize you literally have to let me out of these for me to be able to get undressed. Watch." Out of spite I wrestled my long sleeved black shirt above my head, demonstrating that it was now stuck on the chain. Slightly embarrassed and shirtless, I waved my arm around aggressively, demonstrating it. "See? This isn't going to work."

"Alright, I'll uncuff myself and pull it off on my own," he said stubbornly, "But that means I'm going to have to watch you undress. I see you've already started." He pulled us into the bathroom and I was furious to see he somehow managed to keep me tied up, only taking it off his side of the chain, and his own shirt. From there he rechained us and sunk to the floor in his thinking position, leaving me to get in the shower, pull the curtain, and throw off the rest of my clothes, turning on the shower and sighing out a fucking ton of stress.

I let the hot water take me over, letting out an odd noise as it poured over me, trying to empty my mind of all these uncomfortable thoughts. I focused on the searing water spouting from the tap, turned all the way to the H, but I couldn't help but still notice the chain creeping under the curtain and clamping around my wrist. It was traumatizing to think of L, just sitting right outside the shower where I was naked, probably intently listening to me. And involuntarily I shivered, hands around myself, washing myself quickly and breathlessly, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, this forced moment of vulnerability.

I made sure to wrap a towel around myself before opening the curtain, drying myself off as best as I could, trying to appear in control, but I still felt exposed, my skin still raw, pink, aching from the temperature I'd put it under, my hair damp and messy, the steam cushioning everything with a towel around my waist. I'd never been like this around him, or anyone. It shouldn't matter. I didn't have anything to hide. It didn't matter. But it did. And L just sat there, crouched down in his frog position, staring at me. "Your turn," I said brusquely, and he did so, but I couldn't get the feeling out of me, the thought, the hypothetical, Ryuzaki. When you tell yourself not to think of something, you do. And so of course my brain decided to think of him as he undoubtedly was, behind that curtain-

I closed my eyes and willed it away.

Once it was over we both awkwardly got dressed, me in a light button up and loose pants, him in, well, another one of the same outfit, maybe slightly softer and a size larger. Watchfully, I noted the key he used to lock and unlock these handcuffs, transferred from one pair of pants to another, in his back pocket.

Wordlessly and very irritable, I let him lead me to his bedroom, which was unsurprisingly filled with L's shit- a pile of candy, three or four laptops, like, 6 phones, an unbalanced pile of books, some sort of fidget looking thing and a ton of other junk. In the middle of the room was a double sized bed, the covers strewn everywhere, looking slept in, in the most chaotically messy way possible.

Turning to me, L said innocently, "Well, this shall be rather interesting. I've never shared a bed with anyone before."

"Yeah, I bet you haven't," I rolled my eyes. "This is a mess. If I have to sleep here, I'm cleaning this up."

"Go ahead, I don't mind," he shrugged, yawning. I stared at him as he did it and was surprised to find that I kind of wanted to just poke his cheek. See him flinch. He was like a cat when he yawned like that. I had to touch him, I had to pet him-

I realized I was blinking blankly at L, and I shook myself, turning back to the bed. It was terrible. I couldn't sleep in that. I stubbornly walked over and stripped the bed, shaking out the sheets to reveal a fucking buffet of crumbs, plus a few candy wrappers and a fork.

"Ryuzaki, what the fuck."

He shrugged sheepishly. "I get hungry."

"Get hungry somewhere else next time. This is ridiculous. I threw my hands in the air and turned back around, setting to work on it, cleaning off the mattress and tucking the sheets in, determined to keep at least this shred of dignity. I flapped the blankets over the bed and let them fall over the spread but soon realized there was suddenly a giant lump under all I'd just laid out, burrowing around under there making muffled noises like a strangled cat, and exasperated I threw them off again, revealing a guilty looking Ryuzaki.

"I'm not done fixing the bed!! Get off!" I yelled, but he just sat there, eyes wide.

"You looked done," he said unconvincingly, a stagnant lump on the mattress.

"I swear I'm going to fucking throttle you."

"Kinky-"

"Shut your mouth."

Pouting, he plopped himself onto the floor and waited for me to fix the bed, and stubbornly and awkwardly I climbed into one side, claiming the left as my own. He was pulled with and hopped into bed obediently, and hesitatingly I turned off the lamp, folding into the bed and turning away from him, making absolutely sure not one molecule of me touched him. Stiff and uncomfortable, I closed my eyes and willed all of this to go away, trying my very hardest to ignore his presence. But it wasn't five minutes before I could hear the sound of bony fingers pecking away at a keyboard. Confused and annoyed, I sat up, rubbing my eyes, to see Ryuzaki sitting upright, face lit by the eerie blue light of his computer screen, typing away on a laptop.

For a second I just stared at him in astonishment, and he turned around to find my offended face. "Oh, hello, Light-kun. Can't sleep?"

"Ryuzaki!!" I shouted, unbelieving. "It's like 11 PM!"

"Eleven fifteen, actually," he corrected in a monotone, looking at his screen. "What about it?"

"I'm trying to sleep! You should be too!" I swore to god, I was so done with this bastard.

"Oh, I don't really do that. I've found that if I eat a lot of sweets with caffeine in them I can stay awake practically indefinitely. That's why I'm so skinny. My body uses all the sustenance I put into it for my brain's energy." He tapped the side of his head, as if not sleeping was somehow a huge life hack. "Don't worry, I'll get in a few hours of sleep sometime this week. I can't be slacking off. I have important work to do, Light-kun." I continued to stare, unamused. "What, does it bother you?" he asked, somewhat confused at my look.

"YES, Ryuzaki! You do recall that I can't get five feet away from you?! All I can hear is you clacking away at that keyboard! Not to mention that the movement of the chain is pulling my arm around and making noise. I thought it would be fairly obvious this isn't going to work."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I will try to be a little quieter," he apologized. He stopped for a few seconds, and I fell back onto the bed again, exhausted, but within a minute he was typing again.

"Dude!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Go the fuck to bed! I thought you'd realize your brain actually needs a significant amount of sleep to function properly? You'd be even smarter if you did. Isn't that important too?"

"Oh, well, yes, that is true," he conceded, lit by that blue glow that made him seem almost robotic, as I lay there getting more and more fed up. "But you see, I'm not rather good at that. I'm not quite sure how to actually fall asleep. I pass out when I can't stay awake any longer. I sleep like a computer battery dies. I don't know how to just shut the lid."

"I'm sure if you actually tried it would happen eventually. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired. You're tired. The reason you can't sleep is probably because you spend all night looking at computer screens. Blue light fucks with your brain or some shit. It makes your brain think it's day and that you shouldn't be asleep. So put the damn computer down, that'll probably help quite a bit."

He pouted, chastened, but relinquished the laptop. I had to resist just throwing it out the damn window at this point. But he probably wouldn't be fond of that. I put it away and then retreated back into the warm bed, fully ready to be unconscious.

...but unfortunately, it wasn't long before I could hear shifting fabric, feel the chain moving, and there was a muffled, drawn out crinkling of a wrapper. About to throw hands at this point, I sat up again, to see in the darkness a guilty L, curled up with his hands on his knees, a giant lollipop in his mouth.

Jesus fucking Christ, what did I do to deserve this.

The worst thing was that my tired, overworked brain looked at him and saw something adorable, completely beyond blame, the damn cutest thing I'd ever seen. I wanted to pat his head and hug him, but it's not like I actually would do that, I was just so tired at this point everything was a pillow. He was not anything cute, he was a menace to this world, a weirdo and a creep and a detective who seriously suspected me of murder. And the most immature bastard I'd ever met. Grumpily I brushed the thought off, irritated to hell by this. This was goddamn it. As much as I kind of wanted to pet him, I also felt like absolutely slapping him at this point.

"Go the fuck to sleep, L," I sent out my ultimatum in a sharp monotone, voice gravely with sleep.

"...but..." he tried to protest, depressed voice muffled by the giant rainbow hunk of sugar in his mouth, but I cut him off before he could come up with a bullshit excuse by actually just taking that lollipop by the stick hanging out of his mouth and straight up pulled it out, holding his head firmly at his chin until it popped out and he was left with a disappointed 'o' of shining wet lips. "H-hey..." he protested unenthusiastically, but I had none of it.

"Nope," I said solidly, throwing the candy across the room and watching it hit the floor. I'd deal with that tomorrow. He moved as if to get up for it but I grabbed ahold of him and wrestled him down, expertly pulling him under the covers and holding him down, as he squirmed around trying to get out, until I held him firmly between my legs, my hands clamped on his arms so he lay flat against the mattress. In the dark I could barely hear the surprised, frozen stare he gave as I did it, I was laughing. But I sure as hell could feel it when after a few breaths of silent realization, hot breath inches from each other, out of nowhere from beneath me his hands reached up and took hold of my face and without thought his open mouth was pressed against mine, hot and sweet and infused with the sugar on his tongue. And somehow I found myself responding, almost desperately, grabbing his wrist from where it held my face, pressing myself to him, deepening his kiss, gasping, the aching flame of the touch consuming me, slowly shattering as Ryuzaki took hold of me and pushed me downward to the side, pinning me now underneath him, seeing stars at his hands spreading on my chest, pulling on the chain so hard it hurt, enveloping my hand with his, unable to hold back the tiny moan that left my throat as his lips pressed themselves against my neck-

And at that my eyes flung open, aware of myself after much too long.

Oh-

Oh fuck-

Suddenly I froze, my body burning. And I pushed him away violently, shouting "Ryuzaki!! What the hell was that?!"

After a long silence, laying prone now a few feet from me, L replied with a shaking "I don't know-" that left me speechless.

Chapter Text

The covers were now strewn everywhere, tangled in our legs, pajamas half off.

"Wh-" a noise of confusion and pain fell from my lips, staring at him, and I didn't know what to do.

"Light-kun, I..." a breathless attempt at words trailed off there, and tentatively he reached out, but I crawled backwards fast, trying desperately to tamp down the screaming want that scared me, unwittingly causing him to fall over, pulled to me.

"D- Don't touch me!!" I shout, throat raw, and he doesn't. There are a few seconds where nothing happened. I wanted to run. But I couldn't. I turned around and pulled the covers back up over myself, stiff and red, refusing to acknowledge the altercation. L fell silent, and I assumed he did the same, both of us trying so hard to be apart when suddenly our hearts were beating too fast, attempting to forget the metal bands connecting one to the other. My brain was too damn tired to process what the fuck just happened here. That was it. I couldn't do this, I couldn't be this close to him. I wouldn't be able to sleep a second like this until I was away from him. But I was quite literally chained to him, how the hell was I supposed to get out?

It had been hell already, but breathing heavily, exerting every muscle to stay still, stiff and hot and in pain- I couldn't do it. I had no idea what I'd do if he touched me again, I couldn't have this. I needed out. I had lain still for so long, my enemy opposite me, so hyperaware of his presence I thought I might explode. This consuming feeling, it hurt- I had to stay away from him, that fire I'd felt, I couldn't understand- it was dangerous. I- I didn't want to feel it I couldn't feel it I had to get rid of it-

After what felt like eternity, I realized that L's breathing had slowed, there was no movement from his side of the bed except for a steady rise and fall of the blankets with the tip of his raven hair peeking out of the top. He must finally be asleep. It only took a mental breakdown.

I stared at him. And I stared at him. And... I kept staring at him.

I- I could probably grab the keys from his pocket, if I tried- I knew he was probably a light sleeper, it was risky and stupid and it probably wouldn't work, but at this point I couldn't take it. And so inch by inch I advanced slowly, moving my hand forward, hands twitching in want as I searched in the dark. My hand barely ran over his hunched shoulders, following the curve of his back, barely controlling my breathing.

I couldn't believe myself. I couldn't feel this way but I undeniably did, breathing labored as I touched him, wanting so much to get away, so much to touch him more. Waves of heat came off me, this freezing burning sensation that was when I touched him I could no longer deny. I tried to stay away from that region of my mind but every side tested its boundaries, pouring into me, making me see.

I hated him. I hated him and I wanted him and there was no difference, he was my everything, the only thing I saw, this boy who unnerved me in every way, who managed to get under my skin, manipulate me, corner me and suspect me and play games with my conscience, this shining, shadowed letter who was the world's greatest mind, the one I couldn't stop watching, couldn't help but admire and interact with and try to best him, the one I wanted to find Kira with, I wanted to always work with, the one who irritated me so badly but in the best way possible- I was on my knees for him, and I couldn't escape it, I couldn't escape it but that was all I could try to do because I couldn't cope with what I hated to call love.

I was obsessed with him and it was so damn obvious. I had to refuse it, I had to escape- but even if I got this key, would it go away?

If I unlocked these chains, would a red string remain?

I shoved the thought away, shoved my desire away as I reached slowly into his back pocket where I could feel the singular key, guiding my hand to grasp around it, desperate to be free of him, free of this-

At once a bony white hand flew out of nowhere and slapped the back of my hand like I was a mosquito, catching my wrist in a stronger grip than I had expected, and I panicked.

"Light-kun, tell me the truth, are you trying to grab my ass or are you trying to escape?" He turned around seamlessly and looked me in the eye, perfectly aware when I could have sworn he was asleep.

"Y- you were asleep-" was all I could say, struck dumb and helpless.

"No, I wasn't," he said, with an almost depressing tone to it. "So, which one, Light?"

"Neither!" I shouted in a panic, far too close to him, unable to come up with an excuse.

"...Unlikely." He stared me down, intelligent, knowing eyes brought down by exhaustion. "You were trying to get the key, right?"

"...Yes," I sighed out the confession, defending myself fast. "Ryuzaki I know I agreed to this but I can't- I can't be this close to you, I don't know what happened but I can't do it, I don't like you, I hate you, I hate you so much and I need these off now!"

He looked down. "I'm sorry, Light-kun, I really am, but you know I'm not going to let you go no matter what you say. I have to keep you under surveillance. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm staying as far away as I can, since you seem to want that."

He was. He was barely on the mattress, curled up in a protective fetal position. I... I had very complicated feelings about it all. I should want that, I hated him, I needed him away from me, but the more I said it the less I believed it. The more I tried not to realize what I reflexively called hate out of habit was truly nothing like it.

"I'm... I'm not sure what happened earlier, I was just trying to get you on the bed, and then, well-" I exhaled sharply, heat rushing to my chest.

"I have to admit, it was insensitive of me to what I did, Light-kun. I was not quite sure of my own actions, truly, but I must conclude through the evidence of the sensations I have felt through thinking of you and seeing you and touching you that I must have unfortunately fallen for you."

He said it, calculating, so matter of factly I didn't truly take in his words until a few seconds afterwards.

"...although, from the manner in which you vigorously responded to the contact I made to you, I can safely assume that you reciprocate at least some form of physical attraction towards me, or men, in general?"

I... I had tried not to let the thought form in my brain, though by now I really should have been able to come to this point. But it was something I didn't want to believe so much that all I could do was attack him. All I could do when he said he was depressed, he would probably be killed by Kira, he wanted me to be Kira, all I could do was attack and that was all I did now. "I hate you!" I threw back in retaliation, but he only looked at me sadly.

"Yes, I know." He looked up. "But you kissed me. Tell me if I'm wrong, but that is a sign of affection? Correct?"

I was about to make a comeback, but I fell silent.

I...

I had. And I couldn't stand to look at him when all I wanted to do was kiss him again, him and his scrawny frame and his hollowed out eyes, I couldn't help but want to hold him, I felt such strong emotions in every way for him, everything twisting terribly inside of me with such an intense longing for him I didn't know what to do.

"...you love me?"

"...Unfortunately," he sighed, smiling. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry for causing you discomfort, and I don't want to complicate what is supposed to be a professional relationship of somewhat mutual enmity. I agree it would be best if the both of us forgot this completely. You are my suspect. I am somewhat distressed to realize I have developed feelings for someone I am supposed to impartially judge whether or not has committed mass murder. If we were to act on this, it would be to kiss death."

His response was long and prepared, so well thought out I was blown away. And from a simple logical perspective, he was right in every single way. Emotions like this were bound only to cause harm, an obstacle to overcome- it would compromise the investigation, require hiding and pain and emotional torment, it would destroy everything and neither of us wanted to be feeling it. We couldn't afford to even entertain such perverted fantasies, it was better to just discard it.

He was right.

But I couldn't. It wasn't that easy. I had these emotions that were all chained up within me around my heart and they hurt, but when I looked at him I wanted to wrap him up in my arms, I wanted to be with him. When I allowed myself to want it, to know he wanted it, what had been torture laying there next to him was tinted a rosy blush, a heaven of touch and love and taste, loving every word out of his mouth, craving his eyes on me, feeling affection for every imperfection- his awkward gait, his bony frame, his bare feet and white shirt and blue jeans, his raven hair and his dark eyes and inquisitive gaze. I wanted it, I craved it, he gave me joy, I wanted him around me even if he was a pain and I didn't know what I'd do if he disappeared. If I couldn't have him.

"I... I know, Ryuzaki," I sighed out, clenching my fists tight, resisting the urge to reach out to him. "It's fine, I don't care. It's nothing, I don't actually..." I tried to brush it off, I tried to say it wasn't true, I tried to deny that I cared about him. It was fine, really, I didn't like him, it's not as if I actually cared. It was ridiculous to even put it that way, I wasn't...

But I was crumbling to pieces, each word coming out less true than the last, and I was grimacing, pressing my hand to my face, and a tear fell, a tear, a goddamn tear for him-

"...D... Damn it, I'm in love with you." I sobbed, breathless, and everything fell apart, "I don't want to, but I..." I stared at him, at his back turned away from me, and I couldn't help but reach out and touch him, ever so lightly on the shoulder, and even that sent a shiver down my spine, a warmth in my torso, I wanted it, I ached for it, in my every bone I wanted to love him, I wanted to keep him and never leave him and heal his every hurt, I wanted to erase the pain from his eyes, I wanted to make him smile and I wanted to be his.

Maybe it was selfish, unwise, illogical, but I felt it so strongly. I hated it, I hated wanting this, this thing that could kill me, but I did, and when I did, I felt whole.

And so I kissed him and said, "Sometimes wanting to live is more important than living."

I held him and I kissed him, chained to him, at his mercy and drowning in want. It was damn stupid but I'd never felt such real happiness. I'd never had such real emotions for anything, I had gone through life the safe way, just as he did to be this detective, not getting too attached or weakened by anyone else to be strong. But I was weak, I was weak and I could not do anything but love it.

"L- Light-kun..." L muttered, surprised, lips brushing my own. "I..."

I held him tight and I sobbed, because he was the only one I ever felt connected to. I was always above the world, narcissistic and bored and unfazed, but this boy was my equal, he was my challenge, he was everything, every color I hadn't seen before in this grey world. I'd love him and hate him and feel for him if it killed me and I would feel more alive than ever before. I'd tried to be safe, I'd tried being proper, I'd always seen him as so abhorrent because he wasn't like everyone else, but damn, this complicated, calculating, flawed brilliant blue weirdo was stabbing my heart.

"What's the point of living without the ability to feel alive?"

Ryuzaki fell back, clutching his chest in pain. "You're so well meaning- I'm falling in love with my suspect, my suspect I've chained myself to. This would undoubtedly end in flames if pursued, I can't say it hasn't already begun that way. But if I allowed myself to view this as a benefit, rather than a risk..." he smiled painfully, hair hiding his eyes. "Solving a case might seem fun, but it hurts, truly. Staying put and still as a computer makes it possible for me to be this mastermind without being destroyed. But I... I guess you're right. You make me happy. You make me happy and sad and angry and amused when everyone else just tires me. You make me smile longer than sugar does, and you may kill me faster."

"I may punch you, but I'd never kill you," I said genuinely. "Damn, I'm stuck on you now, aren't I..."

"You are right, though," he said, slightly smiling, "What's the point of life if we don't live it? I should be allowed to make an illogical decision every now and then. I don't want to be a computer, I am a human." He cringed inwards. "Perhaps I am not made to pretend that I am not."

And so he reached forward, hesitating, and took hold of my face as if it would explode. Slowly I took hold of him and pulled him to me, pressing his fragile frame against my chest, soft and careful, looking up and kissing him, hearts bleeding, not caring if they bled out, intertwining our hands and letting tears fall, and smiling and laughing and lying down.

Ryuzaki yawned into my arms and muttered, "I'm so tired, Light-kun..."

"Well... yeah. You should sleep. We... we can be coherent in the morning," I brushed it off, finding myself to be caring for him more than I should. This genius who was the opposite of myself and the same, I loved him, and I didn't care to make a good decision.

L sighed out, shoulders hunched. "The problem remains that I'm not sure how. I'm too insecure to manage it."

"You have to try... would this help?" I asked, retreating from him to the other side of the bed that was now cold. Damn, that bastard really had gotten into my heart.

"N- no," he said, grabbing at me. "Maybe..." He pulled me closer, and soon I found myself under the covers with him. "You're warm..."

"Is this better?" I asked, lazily spooning him, drunk on happiness. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in from behind, getting an odd sense of comfort from holding him this way. How had I missed this for so long? Hating him was too damn hard, it was too easy to forget everything and just stay this way.

In response he only yawned, and I wordlessly accepted it, settling in close, relaxing tense muscles, curling up in my arms like a roly poly bug, legs to his chest, and I was so tired I didn't try to hate him, I didn't care. I just laid down with him and fell slowly into darkness, letting it consume us every step of the way. Until I realized he was truly asleep, curled up in my arms, unconscious face soft and unburdened like years of gravity fell away. Something I'd never seen. It satisfied me immensely to see him so vulnerable, and though this rivalry had turned more into an affair of hearts I couldn't help but smile in triumph, competitive as always. "I win," I laughed to him, a little, as I fell asleep and joined him there, falling away and welcoming it.

And maybe there were handcuffs tying us together, maybe that lying, cheating bastard had chained my heart to his and stole the key, and I didn't know how I could possibly escape his special hold on me.

But maybe... maybe in the end I didn't want to escape.