Archive of Our Own ^beta

“No. Nope. Absolutely not.”

“Come on Mandi, what’s the big deal? You’ve met mine!”

“I’m well aware, however for us to meet my family, we’d have to go to Australia.”

“I love Australia!”

This conversation has happened before. Admittedly we were both slightly inebriated, but that doesn’t matter. I said no then and I’m saying no now. It’s not that I don’t love my family because I absolutely do. It’s just that I haven’t exactly told them I’m seeing anyone, let alone Benedict Freaking Cumberbatch. And I haven’t exactly told Ben my family doesn’t know about him. I mean, how would your family react if you told them you were dating an actor, and a well known one at that.

“I know you love Australia, I do too. It’s just so far away!”

“Amanda, you’ve been living in London now for how long?”

“Firstly, don’t call me Amanda. Secondly, I’ve been here a year and a half. What’s your point?”

“My point, AMANDA, is that you haven’t seen any of your Aussie family and friends for a year and a half. We’ve been together six months. Surely they’d want to meet the man you are dating!”

Crap. Mega crap. I'm so screwed.

“Ah yeah. About that. They don’t actually know about you.”

“Bullshit. You must have told them!"

“I’m sorry Ben. I really haven’t.”

Right about now I feel like positively dreadful. Ben’s face has dropped, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Why not? You speak to your family on Skype every weekend. You’re telling me that in the last six months you haven’t mentioned me once? Not once?”

“I’m well aware that I’m the worst girlfriend on the planet, but look at this from my perspective. Not only do I have to tell my family I’m seeing someone after a drought of over five years, but I also have to tell them it’s you.”

“You’re not the worst girlfriend on the planet, but you are definitely in the running.”

“HEY!”

“Look I get it. You're dating the most famous, most handsomest man that ever lived, they'll love me! You have nothing to worry about."

And the most humble it would appear.

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe they wouldn't believe me?"

That gets him.

"Ah. No. Didn't think of that. They really wouldn't believe you?"

"My brother might. Mum? Not so much."

"Why wouldn't she believe you?"

"Is that a serious question?" Ben nods.

"Well because you're Benedict Cumberbatch, superstar. The man who dropped a thousand panties. You should be dating supermodels and actresses. Not some office worker with a penchant for fan fiction. Plus they know that I'm a fan of yours."

"And?"

"And what? There is no way they'll believe me. My mum has this amazing ability to make me feel like a fool."

"I'm sure that's in the mum code."

"You're probably right."

"Ok sweetheart how's this. This Saturday when you Skype, I'll be here too. And if you need me to I can jump in."

"I can guarantee you'll need to jump in."

"You may be surprised."

"Yeah ... We'll see."

***********

Saturday comes and I'm shitting myself. I really really really REALLY don't want to have this conversation. As normal I speak to mum first.

"Hi mum!"

"Hello darling. How are you? Have you put on weight?"

Fuck off.

"No mum I haven't. Things are good! I have some news actually."

"Oh Mandi, are you pregnant? I knew moving to London was a bad idea. I could tell you've put weight on."

What the actual fuck?

"No I'm not pregnant!! And you fully supported my move to London so I have no idea what the hell you are talking about."

"I know it was a good idea at the time, but ..."

"But what?? Look, I'm not going to have this argument with you. Do you want to hear my news or not?"

"I suppose."

I suppose I'll book you into a retirement home early.

"Well mum, I've been seeing someone. For about six months now."

"Six months? And you're only telling me now?"

"Well yes! I didn't want to start seeing someone and then two weeks later it ends and then have to explain to you what happened."

"Ok. So what's his name?"

I glance over at Ben who has started to silently chuckle. I'm going to kill him.

"His name is Ben."

"And what does he do for work?"

Ben's chuckle becomes audible. Definitely going to kill him.

"Uh, he's an actor."

"Right. Would I have seen him in anything?"

Ben loses it. Absolutely roars with laughter. Needless to say mum heard.

"Who's that?"

"That would be Ben."

"Why is he laughing?"

"Because of the questions you are asking me."

"Well you haven't answered my last one. Would I have seen him in anything?"

"Yes definitely. He's, uh, he's in Star Trek Into Darkness."

Ben now has tears of laughter streaming down his face. I have the most supportive boyfriend EVER!!

"Don't be ridiculous Mandi. He's in a Hollywood movie? I don't believe you."

"He's also in Sherlock."

"Now I know you are lying. Is his name Benjamin? What Benjamin's are in Sherlock?"

"Ben is short for Benedict, mum."

Mum pauses, and glares at me through the screen. "Do you mean to tell me, that for the last six months you've been dating Benedict Cumberbatch? That's absurd. Your obsession of that man is beyond ridiculous."

My turn to do the glaring. "Any time you want to jump in now Batch would be extremely helpful."

Ben rolls his chair around the desk and plonks himself next to me.

"Mum, this is Ben. Ben this is my mum Evelyn."

The look on mum's face is priceless. For the first time in my life I've rendered my mother speechless. I should have recorded this Skype session.

"Hello Mrs A. It's lovely to meet you."

Mum can only nod. Just nod. Like a bobble head on a dashboard.

"So I guess I was telling the truth hey mum."

"You were." She rubs her face. "It's lovely to meet you too Ben. So tell me, how did you two meet?"

Ben and I look at each other. Big mistake. Both of us lose it. Completely crumbling into a laughter pile.

"What's so funny? I don't understand what's so funny Mandi."

"Nothing! Nothing mum. Really. Personal joke. We met on the train actually. Ben had seen me a few times then came and said hello."

She doesn't need to know the full story.

"Well that's lovely. Will you bringing Ben to meet us all in person?"

"At some point, yes. I will."

Ben pipes up, "Actually in a couple of months time I'll have two weeks free. I'll double check dates and let you know."

I'm going to shave off his eyebrows in his sleep. What is he doing???

"Lovely! Just lovely! Oh I should invite everyone around for a reunion! They all must meet you Ben!"

"NO!! For the love of God no mum! Not the WHOLE family! Just you and Pete and his fam. That's it. No more! Promise me you will not arrange a family reunion!"

"Well what about what Ben wants! He might want to meet everyone."

"Mother. YOU don't even like being in the same room as some of them, why would you torture Ben with them?"

"Oh good point love. But maybe Ben wants does want to meet them all?"

I glance over at Ben trying to convey my feelings as strongly as possible without screaming PLEASE NO!! He gets it.

“Maybe for the first time Mrs A I can just meet the immediate family. I wouldn’t want Mandi to freak out you know?”

“Oh I know. She tends to do that when she’s uncomfortable.”

“Yes! It’s funny! I love how incoherent and rambly she gets. It’s kinda cute.”

What the HELL is going on here? Are they BONDING?

“Yeah yeah super cute and funny that’s me! Can we change the subject?”

Both mum and Ben chuckle. God. They have started bonding.

“Alright love, well I look forward to you letting me know when you’ll be here. I should go, it’s bed time for me. Was such a pleasure to meet you Ben.”

“You too Mrs A. I guess we’ll see you in a couple of months!”

“Yes! I’ll look forward to it. I love you Mandi.”

“You too mum.”

I end the call.

“Told you she wouldn’t believe me.”

“That you did. But it’s all good now! We’ve met and she’s lovely and excited to meet me.”

“Which is going to happen in a couple of months by the looks of it. Way to sneak that one in Cumberbatch.”

Ben giggles. “Thought you’d like that. It is important that I meet your family. Because you are important to me, and I hope I'm important to you too."

“You are.”

“Good. So I’ll firm up the dates, and we’ll get this holiday booked!”

“Fine. Firm up the dates and we’ll go to Australia. You do realise you’ll have to meet all my friends too. Some of them are fans you know.”

“I know. I’ll start preparing myself now.”

“You do that. I can’t believe she thought I was pregnant.”

Ben puts a hand on my tummy. “That wouldn’t be a bad thing would it?”

I want to rip his arm off and beat him with it.

“I’m sorry. What? You want to have kids with me?”

“Well yes.”

"Wow. Well if you know what's good for you, you will not mention kids in front of my mother. Because that will just bring a whole world of pain."

"Understood. But you haven't said whether you want kids with me. Is that something you could see in your, in OUR future?"

Ben looks like a helpless little puppy hoping to get a treat.

"I do see that in our future Ben. I'd be honoured to be the mother of your children."

Ben smiles. God I love that smile. "Perfect. Now. Should we see whether your brother is on? Can't wait to see how he reacts!"

"Well looks like he's online. But don't be surprised if mum called him and told him. Because she loves a good gossip."

"I think you'll find that gossiping is also in the mum code."

"Along with comments about your weight, how other family members are doing better than you, and the ability to make you feel guilty for breathing."

"And you forgot jumping to conclusions. And making you feel like a fool."

"Why do we love our mothers again?"

"Because they'll nag us if we don't."

“You are much smarter than you look Mr Cumberbatch.”

“Hey! I played Stephen Hawking remember?”

“Yes, PLAYED him. You aren’t him, honey.”

“Excuse me, but you aren’t in any position to make fun of me after keeping me a secret from your family for six months.”

Well. He does have a point. Time to break out “The Face”. I throw out my bottom lip, and try to make my eyes look as sad as possible.

“I’m sorry baby, can you ever forgive me?”

Ben bursts out laughing. Clearly “The Face” has no affect on him. “Awwwwww sweetheart, that face is adorable, and I do forgive you. Maybe.”

Maybe is good enough for me. Ben looks so beautiful right now, eyes sparkling, smile adorning his face, I just have to kiss him. And so I do. My lips gently make contact with his, he’s still smiling as we wrap our arms around each other and fall deeper into the kiss. Ben drags me onto his lap so we can be closer. After a few minutes we pull apart to breathe.

“Maybe we should Skype your brother tomorrow. Right now I want to devour you.”

In answer. I turn to the computer and shut it down.

“Take me upstairs Mr Cumberbatch.”

“As you wish my love.”