Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     Whatever he had expected to happen one day, once he was able to leave home and truly discover himself, Dan had never thought kids would be part of the plan.

     He glanced over at Phil, sitting beside him at their gaming desk, and smiled. "It's been ages since we've played Who's Your Daddy , but, um…" Phil paused to look over at Dan and reach for his hand underneath the desk, squeezing it briefly. "we thought it'd be fun to play again!"

     "And see if it's still utterly shit with the controls," Dan added. Of course, they'd had other reasons to dig this game out again, other than nostalgia or whatever else their fans would credit it to, but it wasn't time for that particular announcement yet. Not until they could be sure it was the right time.

-

     The whole thing had started not long after they returned from their honeymoon in Japan (of course). Once the jet lag wore off, they'd paid a visit to Louise and Pearl, who'd advanced to crawling around the floor extremely fast. It was when Louise left the room for a few moments that it happened.

      Phil had glanced up at him, over Pearl’s head, with the look that almost always meant some kind of trouble. “You know,” he’d said with a smile, glancing from Pearl up to Dan and back again. “We have managed to keep Dil alive this long…”

     He’d lived with Phil for long enough to know exactly what was going on in that head of his. “Phil, no.” He’d shaken his head, pointing at him warningly for good measure. “No.”

     “I haven’t even killed a houseplant in a few months,” Phil had shot back, before adding, “Or the dog.”

     Dan had rolled his eyes as he sat down on the floor across from the two of them. "I'm sure an actual baby would be ridiculously more complicated than your bloody houseplants or Susan, love." He wasn't even sure how they had managed to keep a dog alive for so long since getting her a few short years ago, but Susan was still as happy and energetic as she'd been then. Still, a puppy, even one as crazy as Susan, would obviously be easier than a baby human .

     "I just thought it would be a nice idea," Phil had said quietly as he let Pearl examine his wedding ring. Dan absentmindedly began fiddling with his too, a habit he'd picked up with his engagement ring first, shortly after they’d gotten engaged.

     Phil got his way, of course. Louise had come back into the room to make sure her daughter was alright, making her own comments about Pearl having a playmate in a few years, and that had been the final nail in the coffin. The surrogacy agency they'd found had been wonderful so far. Dawn proved to be a good match, instantly approved of by Susan, who'd marched over and gently laid her head in the woman's lap. Dawn even played bloody Mario Kart with them because she wanted to know what they liked to do.

-

     “Are we keeping this old thing?” Dan’s voice broke through his thoughts from his spot on the other side of the guest-room-turned-nursery. Phil glanced over to see his husband, currently barely visible below his shoulders and surrounded by the piles of random crap they’d collected over the years, lifting a golden jacket in front of his head.

     Phil smiled at the jacket and the memories it held. "I didn't even think we still had those," he said. It felt like it had been ages since the first tour, their first time meeting so many of their fans around the world, all the new experiences and new foods they’d gotten to try. Interactive Introverts had been amazing in its own way, of course, but Tatinof had still been the very first thing they’d done on such a huge scale. “We can keep them for now, I think.”

     Dan shrugged. “Sure.” He folded it up, careful to not cause any damage, and tucked it into the storage bin in front of him. Phil smiled with a sigh.

     Right where Dan sat, just in front of the wide window, would be the crib’s spot in a few short months. An old dresser of Phil's had been uncovered in the closet and moved to the opposite wall beside the door, awaiting a fresh coat of paint and dozens of tiny clothes to fill the drawers. Phil couldn't wrap his head around that, even now. The idea of having a child of their own had become a reality.

     A baby . Their baby.

     Wow.

-

     "We've still got loads to do before we're ready," Phil said to the camera with a smile. "But I think we're on the proper track. Just a few months, yeah?"

     He could see Dan looking over at him with the sort of soft expression he felt lucky somehow to be able to see. "Six months left of full nights of sleep."

     "Which we will spend playing Mario Kart and watching TV," Phil added, nudging Dan's shoulder. Dan shrugged, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

     "Obviously." Dan sat there and looked over at him for another calm moment before speaking to the camera again. "Anyways, we can't wait to meet you, Susan's convinced we're moving or something probably, but you'll love her. She's literally a teddy bear."

     The whole idea of recording videos just meant for the baby had been Dan's idea, from a session of browsing the internet for parenting tips from the sofa crease. It would be something for them, too hopefully get rid of some of the nerves, and maybe for the baby themselves one day, if they wanted to see what their dads had been like back then.

      "Nerds," had been Dan's suggestion for that last bit, accompanied by a grin.

     Susan popped her head up then, bursting Phil’s thought bubble and pulling him back to the reality of filming this video. Dan grabbed the dog under her front legs to pull her into view of the camera. She gave a bark at the camera, having gotten used to the object after her adoption, and turned to sniff at Dan’s shirt.

     "Anyways," Phil continued, pausing for a glance over at his husband and their dog that he knew was incredibly soppy, "I know you'll be happy with us."

     Dan reached for his hand, turning to the camera. "We can't wait to meet you, love," he said in the softest voice, and switched the camera off a quiet moment later.

     "You're so sweet," Phil half-teased, leaning over to drop a quick kiss on Dan's cheek. Dan swatted at him with a grin that quite betrayed his mock annoyance.

     "Shut up," Dan muttered. "You're so much worse, you spork."

     Phil laughed, then lifted their hands to nuzzle against Dan's. "I know. It's cause I love you."

     There was no response to that other than Dan yanking him closer and holding him as tightly as he could.

-

     Somehow, Dan hadn't ever put much thought into how much stuff one tiny baby could possibly need. He watched as Phil held up yet another onesie with a perfectly in-love expression on his face.

     "It's all so cute," Phil whined , laying the newest onesie in their cart. Dan just smiled and readjusted his grip on the camera.

     It was just all so tiny , everything from the ever-growing pile of onesies and pyjamas to the incredibly tiny socks .

     Especially the pair of booties he'd just picked up off the shelf. "Phil, look at these damn things." He held them in his hands. “They’re goddamn Winnie the Pooh, Phil . I can’t. They fit in one hand , can you even imagine what they’ll look like on this kid’s fucking feet ?” The booties were a stupidly soft-looking pastel yellow, with Winnie on one with a jar of honey and Piglet on the other. He glanced down at the pastel blue Eeyore onesie in the cart already, sighed, and dropped them in with a wistful smile.

     “They’ll be spoiled rotten between us and their grandparents,” Phil observed, shaking his head with a smile at the half-full cart from the hour since they’d entered the store.

     “Fucking hell, Phil,” Dan murmured. “ Our kid’s gonna be wearing all this, and I can’t… I almost can’t believe it.” He could feel the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, even though he’d said he wouldn’t start crying in the middle of the bloody store, and yet here he was. Phil leaned against the cart, staring down at the contents of the cart with that specific smile that suggested he was about to start fighting back tears of his own.

     Phil managed to take the camera from Dan and rest it on top of a pile of stuffed animals, most of which they'd debated over buying before tossing all of them in the cart. "Yeah. All dressed up and playing with more toys they'll know what to do with," he said with a laugh, earning a half laugh from Dan.

     "Let's finish up, then," Dan said after a moment or so, pointing vaguely behind him. "I think I saw a talking dog toy that looked like our bloody dog back there we've got to have for this kid." All that Phil could do in response was chuckle and turn the cart around in the direction Dan had pointed.

     "Away we go!" he cheered. Dan rolled his eyes, though his smile gave him away.

-

     The next time they saw Louise was at a park with Pearl after she’d practically demanded an update ‘in person this time, lovies’. They found her on a blanket, Pearl sitting in front of her with an assortment of toys, under a small group of trees.

     “How goes the shopping?” she asked once they’d gotten settled across the blanket. 

     They shared a glance before Dan admitted, “We’ve already bought a cart full of clothes and toys. Just furniture left at this point.”

     “And actually being ready for them to be here,” Phil added, shrugging. “It still doesn’t feel real.” He grabbed a unicorn toy just out of Pearl’s reach that she’d been struggling to get and handed it to her with a rather goofy smile.

     “You aren’t going to feel ready ever, you know.” She paused for a moment to smile down at her own little girl before looking back up. “No matter how much stuff you put together or how much you think you couldn’t be more ready, it’ll still feel scary, the first time you hold them. I believe in you two, though. I know you’ll be able to handle it, eventually. You’ve got me, anyways, to call at ungodly hours of the night when there’s a problem to solve, right?”

     Dan let out a short laugh at her last sentence, replaced by a somewhat more serious look as he thought over the rest of her words and watched Pearl play. “I hope so.”

     “We wouldn’t be doing this if we weren’t ready, right?” Phil said, reaching over for his hand.

     “I guess so.”

Chapter Text

     “Can’t we just hire someone to put this fucking thing together?” Dan complained as he collapsed onto the floor with a groan, wincing when he landed on the hammer. Phil reached over to take the piece of wood from his hand and grabbed the instructions. Dan stuck his tongue out at the camera perched on a tripod just behind him and above his head. Phil laughed.

     It had been fun enough picking the furniture out for the baby’s room, now cleaned of all their things and filled with multiple boxes of furniture yet to be built. They’d managed the rocking chair so far in the past few hours of alternating between struggling with the thing and procrastinating with the Switch and whatever happened to be on tv.

     “It’s like building that fucking closet all over again.”

     Phil nodded, his eyes widening for a moment. "The crib's more important, I think. We'll never hear the end of it if we mess up on it."

     "Do you see what we're doing for you?" Dan shot at the camera, forcing a playful look of annoyance. "You're lucky we love you already. Could've hired someone. Doesn't Ikea let you do that?" he asked out of the blue and turned back to Phil, who shrugged and continued staring at the instructions.

     He eventually sat up and set to work with the step he’d been attempting last.

     The crib proved to be the most difficult thing the two of them had to put together. The changing table at least came in fewer pieces and only needed one procrastination break, and the easel they bought going together stupidly easily.

     “Just this left,” Phil said once they’d stood back to look at the room, holding out a stuffed Winnie they’d found to Dan with a smile. Dan sighed, held the bear in his hands for a moment, then crossed the room to rest it in the corner of the crib with a soft smile. After a moment Phil walked up behind him and lopped his arms around Dan’s waist, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder, simply standing there in silence with him.

     “Three months left,” Dan whispered.

     Phil just said, “Yeah,” in a soft voice, reaching out to lay a hand on the crib with a gentle smile.

-

     Dan was fine , really he was , until Phil calmly announced that it was one month until the baby's due date. It was perfectly understandable, really, that suddenly he just couldn't focus on anything, that his breaths turned into wheezes . He’d been readying himself for this for eight months now, so why was it feeling like a new scary thing?

      One month . One month left and then they’d be responsible for this helpless baby .

      Fuck .

     “Dan, we’re almost out of popcorn,” Phil called as he walked back into the room, a ridiculously huge bowl of popcorn in his hand, his smile fading ever so slightly once he could see Dan’s face."Dan?"

     When he got no response other than Dan turning to look at him, Phil crossed the room and sat beside him, putting the popcorn down.

     "I just…" Dan sighed, leaning to rest his head on Phil's shoulder in an attempt at grounding his whirlwind of thoughts. "Lost track of time, and now it’s only a month left until we’re completely responsible for this… this tiny helpless human and I just… I don’t know how to do this. I don’t want to disappoint them, Phil.”

     After a quiet moment of furrowing his brow, Phil went to the floor in front of Dan and reached up to hold his face in his hands with the smile that had always meant it’s alright . “Love, bear, light of my life. They’ll love you, I know they will, and we’ll figure it out, right? C’mon, with me.”

     Phil stood up then, reaching a hand out to pull Dan to his feet and drag him down the hallway. Dan let him.

     They stopped in the middle of the baby's room, by the rocking chair and pile of stuffed toys beside it. Phil plopped down onto the ground with a grin and yanked Dan down with him, albeit with a bit of resistance.

     "We'll be alright," Phil said, in a tone that meant he wouldn't take otherwise for an answer. "We have Louise or either of our mums if we need help, we've read parenting books, and I don't think anyone knows how to do this at first. I know you'll be a great dad. Just trust me on that, okay?"

     Dan, almost subconsciously, leaned onto his shoulder and sighed. He didn't say anything in response, just smiled and let himself relax.

-

     In the next few weeks, Dan often found himself picking up the camera, or sometimes just his phone, and settling in the baby's room. Very few of the videos were actually important , most often just him rambling about anything and everything that came to mind.

     He and Phil still filmed a few, one or two when Martyn and Cornelia came to visit, one when Adrian even stopped by, though most of the later videos ended up being quickly filmed when they felt like it. Phil's parents stayed for a weekend before heading back home. 

     It helped when Dan felt like too much . It, and Phil by his side, got him through

-

     Ironically enough, about a month later found Phil nearly wearing a hole in the hospital waiting room floor. Dawn had gone in some time back, they'd arrived in a mutual panic upon getting the call that it was happening , and now all they could do was wait for news.

     "It's been long enough, hasn't it?" Phil turned to ask, pausing his pacing for a few seconds. 

     Dan shrugged. "I'm sure it's fine. C’mere, Phil. I brought at least one of every sweet we've got in the house until someone tells us we can go back there."

     Phil did sit beside him then, letting out a short sigh and reaching for said sweets. The two of them sat in a comfortable silence, broken up by the crinkle of sweet wrappers and the muted sounds around them. 

     Neither of them were sure of how much time had passed when a nurse stepped through the doors with a wide grin and told them they could come back with him. 

     Phil couldn't help but let out an almost giddy sound, grabbing Dan's hand to swing their hands between them. 

     The nurse stopped at a door, at the end of a quiet hallway, and gestured inside. "They're both just in this room. I'll be at the nurse's station just around that corner in case."

     Phil waited until he'd gotten far enough away to reach for the door handle with his free hand. "Ready?" he asked in a murmur, giving Dan's hand a gentle squeeze.

     "As I'll ever be," he answered, and Phil swung the door open. 

Chapter Text

     She was perfect , as cliche as that idea was. Part of Dan had froze when Phil turned to hand the baby over to him. She was so tiny , he couldn't help not worrying about dropping her. 

     "Hold her, Dan. I promise she won't break," Phil said, nestling the wrapped bundle into his arms, his hands under Dan's arms as he added, "Look, I'll keep you steady."

    He could only nod as he looked down into wide eyes meeting his own. It was an odd feeling, cradling her to his chest. His child, their daughter , here in his arms. The idea only now seemed concrete. It felt as if something slotted into place, the final switch flipped that yes , he wanted this more than he'd thought possible. He heard and felt rather than saw Phil move his hands away and reach out for their daughter's tiny hand. 

     Dawn had been watching the three of them with a soft smile, propped up by pillows. "She's perfect, isn't she," she said, meeting Dan's gaze when he glanced up from the baby. "Any ideas for her name?"

     Dan glanced over at Phil, then back down at the baby. 

     "Katy."

     In his arms, the newly named Katy Howell-Lester giggled. 

-

     "See?" Phil cooed, his expression almost stupidly soppy. "Everything in here is for you ."

     Katy only stared at the room around her with wide eyes and a mouth open in an 'o' shape from her perch in Phil's arms, Dan rolling his eyes from his perch on the rocking chair. "Think she's a bit too young to comprehend that," he said, though it didn't really come out as snarky. 

     Phil just stuck his tongue out at him, Katy none the wiser, and Dan rolled his eyes. 

-

     Dan wasn't sure what eventually woke him up in the middle of the night other than Phil's light snoring. The apartment was silent for a moment, long enough for Dan's eyes to almost close, before a cry split the air from the monitor beside his bed. 

     "I'll get her," he murmured when Phil's snores abruptly stopped and ended in a snort. He paused for a moment to turn the light on, blinking for a few seconds, then stumbled out of the bedroom. 

     Katy's cries continued as he crossed the room to her crib. Her face was scrunched up, tiny fists waving in the air. Her cries hitched for a moment when Dan reached into the crib for her, decreasing at least in volume for a moment while he lifted her up to his chest and made quiet hushing sounds. 

     The only change came in her beginning to sniffle in between cries. Dan hesitated for a moment, then smiled. “ You are my sunshine~ ,” he began in a hushed tone, wiping away a tear rolling down her cheek. “ My only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey ~.”

     He was so absorbed with his daughter and the gentle cadence of the song that the muffled footsteps behind him didn’t so much as reach his ears. Standing, practically half-leaning against the doorframe, Phil smiled and the corners of his eyes crinkled behind his glasses as he stood as soundlessly as possible. If he’d had even a touch of artistic talent, he would have wanted to paint the scene before him, Dan gently cradling Katy in his arms and smiling down at her with all the love in the world. 

     “ You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away~ ,” Dan finished, letting the final note hang in the air for a moment. 

     Susan’s gentle arf broke the pocket inside the room. Dan snorted as he shot a mock-glare at the dog, who trotted up to him and flopped down at his feet, the very picture of pretended innocence. 

     “I almost forgot how nice of a singing voice you have,” Phil murmured from the doorframe.

     Dan only shrugged, laying Katy back down in her crib while Phil moved to stand by him. “Mhm, sure. I’m ridiculously out of practice, you know that.”

     “Do we need another tour to get more lessons?” Phil teased, snaking his arms around Dan’s waist with a quick kiss to his neck. “We let Katy just… cause chaos onstage. Or it’s just you playing piano, that’d be good. I like it when you do that,” he ended in a sleepy murmur. 

     “You’re such a sappy goofball,” Dan murmured, letting his body lean back on his husband. “I mean, honestly, you’re a golden retriever of a person.”

     Phil smiled against his neck. “Yep.” He reached forward to drag his hand along the crib with a happy sounding sort of sigh. “She’s so perfect, isn’t she?”

     “We literally don’t deserve her,” Dan said, rolling his eyes at Susan’s big-eyed glance up at him. “Yes, Susan, you’re beautiful too. Bloody drama queen of a dog, I swear.” She arf ed again, jumping up to put her paws on the crib for pats. 

     “Should get back to bed, love,” Phil said in a tone that sounding like he was almost about to fall asleep where he stood. Dan leaned down to pull the knit blanket (a new gift thanks to Phil’s mum) over Katy, pressed a kiss to her tiny forehead, and grabbed Phil’s hand to drag him back to their bedroom before he fell over in the nursery. Before he left the room, Phil dropped a camera on the pastel bookshelf by the door. “Were you recording something?”

     Phil shrugged. “I thought she might want to see something like that one day. It was cute, you singing to her. I want to keep that around.”

     Susan was already curled up at the foot of the bed by the time they got to the bedroom, in her usual spot. Phil fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. He latched onto Dan once he’d gotten into bed, mumbling happily. Dan laid awake for a bit longer, listening to Phil lightly snore while Susan snuffled a bit at their feet as she slept. The house lay quiet. Katy slept silently, for now, and hopefully for a few more hours. 

     It wouldn’t be all softly domestic moments, Dan knew that, but it would all be worth it. 

-

     “Da!”

     Dan froze, the spoon of baby food he’d been feeding her paused halfway to Katy’s mouth, as he called down the hallway, “Um, Phil? Can you come here?”

     “Yeah?” Phil said as he ran in, camera already up in case something happened (he’d been doing that constantly for the past few months every time there was a chance of Katy doing anything. He’d almost missed filming her first steps, when Martyn and Cornelia visited for a playdate with Freya and she’d stumbled to her aunt, so now the camera was attached to his hand). “What happened? Did I miss something?”

     “I got it on my phone because Adrian asked for a video while he recovers from jetlag or whatever,” Dan explained, holding his cellphone up, “and she called me Da.”

     Phil huffed. “I can’t believe you got called dad first, that’s so unfair.”

     “Are you seriously complaining about that?” Dan shot a completely deadpan serious expression at Phil, sat next to the baby’s highchair. 

     Upset at being ignored for more than thirty seconds, Katy hit her fists against Phil’s arm and practically whined , “Dada!” Phil’s mouth dropped open as he stared at her until she just about shouted it again with an expression that was more cute than angry. 

     “Happy now?” Dan raised an eyebrow at him. “I suppose she’s decided that’s what we’re both called now. Hm, Dada ?”

     “Shuddup,” Phil complains, even as he leans across the table for a kiss. 

-

     “She’ll be fine , you spork,” Dan insisted as he gently tugged Katy by the hand before she wandered into the road after a butterfly she’d spotted. “It’s literally a few hours, and we’ll be there to pick her up.”

     Behind him, Phil whined, “I’m allowed to be worried about her, aren’t I? You were the one worrying about her last night, before-”

     “Not in front of the child ,” Dan shot back, cheeks burning red. Phil smirked. 

     “Da’s making a funny face,” Katy reported to Phil seriously, reaching back to hold his hand too. Phil just kept smirking. 

     “Anyway,” Dan said, ignoring his husband’s stupid cocky expression and hoping Katy wouldn’t start asking why he was making a funny face and what her Dada was talking about ‘last night’ (she was in that stage of asking questions about positively anything and everything, that morning having asked, completely seriously, why ‘Da was yelling after bedtime but the door was locked so she’d gone to bed, but was Da hurt’, which had led to Dan nearly choking on his coffee and Phil bursting into laughter as he tried to convince her Dan was fine. For his part, Dan planned to take advantage of her time away from the house to continue that), “Katy, we’ll pick you up afterwards, alright? Make some friends and behave for your teacher, please.”

     She thought for a moment, then asked, “Can I get ice cream?”

     “Only if you’re good,” Phil told her, winking. “We can go get some ice cream, but you have to promise to be good.”

     “Pinky promise,” she replied. Katy let go of his hand long enough to hook her little pinky around his with a serious expression, before grabbing his hand again and launching into her plans for the day and how pretty her new outfit was (courtesy of Dan’s mum, a little pink dress with at least a dozen bows and frills and whatnot). 

     Dan glanced over at Phil over Katy’s head and smiled. His own little family, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.