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When Xiao Xingchen first meets Song Lan they wonder if what they're feeling is love. It has to be … right? Why else was their heart beating so fast, and why else did they have such a strong desire – a need – to get closer to this stranger.

It was obviously love at first sight. 

Then they do get closer to the stranger, and Song Lan is … amazing. They know they're in love now, they have to be. Love is all about wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, and they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their life with Song Lan.

So clearly it’s love. 

Except, they see the way other couples look at each other. At the way Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian – like he would die if anything ever happened to him, like Wei Wuxian is the keeper of his soul. It was beautiful, it was romantic, it was … different. They don't understand how it's different, they just know that it's not how they look at Song Lan. 

They do love him, but they don't think they're in love with him.

Whatever that means.

Of course, Song Lan never asked for more, has never even implied he wants something different, but still Xiao Xingchen worries. Especially when they realize that Song Lan does look at them like Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian.

Like they are the moon on a winter night, the only source of light in the dark.

They realize that Song Lan loves them and it scares them. It scares them because they love Song Lan, but not like that, not like he deserves . 

Song Lan deserves to have someone look at him like he is the world.

“I love you,” Xiao Xingchen says one night. They feel Song Lan stiffen beside them, but they keep their gaze skyward, towards the moon and stars above. “I love you, but I don’t … It’s not the right kind of love.” 

Song Lan is silent, words have never come easy to him, but Xiao Xingchen is patient. They don’t mind waiting.

“What do you mean?” Song Lan finally asks.

Xiao Xingchen turns at that, stares into Song Lan’s dark eyes, made all the darker by the shadows that surround them. “I mean I can’t be your -” They wave their hand through the air. They don’t have the words and their lips twist in frustration when they fail at finding them. “I mean I love you with my whole soul and I would spend the rest of my life with you if you’d let me, but …” They trail off with a sigh, falling back to the ground. “But I don’t think it’s the right kind of love.”

“What does that mean?” Song Lan’s shadow falls over Xiao Xingchen as he sits up, the furrow between his brows betraying his annoyance. “Right kind of love? There is no right kind of love.”

They know that, but they also know it’s not quite true. 

There is love, and then there is love. 

Song Lan deserves love. 

“I’m happy, like this, as we are now. I don’t want - need - anything else.” Their lips twitch with a smile and they reach across the small space between them to brush their fingers over the back of Song Lan’s hand. A muscle jumps in Song Lan’s jaw and he twists his hand, his fingers sliding through Xiao Xingchen’s until their hands are laced together. 

It makes Xiao Xingchen’s breath catch in their throat and their smile softens. 

“What makes you think I want something else?”

“I -” They close their mouth when Song Lan looks at them, dark eyes flashing. “You look at me and it’s not … it’s not how I look at you, and you deserve someone who looks at you the same way you look at them.”

“I don’t know how I look at you,” Song Lan says. “But I don’t need anything else either. You are enough.” 

The words fill Xiao Xingchen’s chest with a warm glow and they drop their gaze, their heart thumping painfully against their ribs. 

“Xingchen.” Song Lan’s thumb rubs over their knuckles and they lift their gaze back to his. “I don’t want anything more out of you. What we have is more than enough. What we have is perfect . You’re my -” He pauses and shakes his head, a smile playing in the shadows of his mouth. “You’re my soulmate … if you’d have me.” 

Something burns in Xiao Xingchen’s eyes and they swallow past the lump in their throat, surging off the ground to throw their arms around Song Lan. He stiffens at the touch, but after a beat his arms are around Xiao Xingchen and he holds them close. 

“Of course. I love you, I want to spend my life with you. I -” They silence themself by pressing their lips against Song Lan’s, a chaste kiss that sends a bolt of lightning through their system, and they press their forehead against Song Lan's. “Soulmates.” They breathe the word, their mouth stretching with their smile. 

“Soulmates,” Song Lan agrees. 

Xiao Xingchen loves Song Lan in a way they have never loved anyone before. They don’t know if it’s the right kind of love, if there even is a right kind of love, but they know they love Song Lan, and that is enough.

They are enough.