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They sat down with a melancholy air about them, an expression of what seemed to be regret as they stared out into one of the streams. She noticed.
"Serab?"
They practically jumped at her voice.
"Hm?"
"Are you alright?" Peony's tone was concerned, and a bit uneasy. She had been having a strange feeling regarding her precious beast. A feeling that something absolutely horrible was soon going to occur.
Their expression instantly changed, their frown turning into a grin, sad eyes closed. It was artificial. "Oh! Yes, I am fine. You need not worry ."
She wasn't convinced, but let it go. After all, what could possibly happen? They were perfectly capable of defending themselves. Perhaps it had something to do with their relationship, seeing as it went far deeper than just being simple mates. Looking at them again, they had seemed to lighten up. Maybe they were right, she shouldn't worry. There was no need to.
Right?
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Had she noticed? Their own mind was far too muddled to look into hers. They had since taken her back to the Colosseum, promising that they would return later that night.
Would they?
Sitting down at the exact spot where they had been spending time with their beloved mate, they once again gazed into the water. Their reflection was clear in the gentle movement of the stream.
Even with a mask, there was no hiding from what they were.
An abomination.
Slowly, they removed it, watching as their face morphed from a strange, blank white with two dark pits into a hideous, stark black one, littered with eyes. Too many.
Setting the mask down next to themselves, they took in their appearance.
Disgusting. Horrifying. Unlovable.
Worthless .
They sighed, lightly running a claw over a few of the extra orbs.
How they wished to tear them out.
But they had. Many times before. They'd sneak out in the middle of the night, foraging deep into the foliage, far enough for their mother not to hear their screams of self-inflicted agony. And they had pulled it off. It wasn't until the earwig took note of how much time they'd spend in the washroom before she had any knowledge of what they'd done. Bloody bandages, tender wounds, deep regret.
They had always ruined those close to them, hadn't they?
Lost in thought, they heard a soft plinking noise. They regained their focused vision, staring once more at their awful reflection. Tears. Was it really so easy to make them cry like a little nymph? Yes. It was. Just another reason they had been deeply contemplating a permanent solution to it lately.
'Look at yourself. A mess. Unable to confront and fix all the wrongs you have done. You've always been pathetic.'
Their inner monologue was loud in their head, though they stayed silent outside. Unnecessary, seeing as they were alone. As it should be.
'She doesn't love you. You're hardly a bug. You're soft. Pathetic. She deserves better and you know it. She only keeps you around because you're so pitiful its sickening.'
A claw dug into their cheek, shimmery silver blood dripping down.
`He doesn't love you either. You're nothing more than a weak meal, riddled with nightmares of things that were all your fault. But you're not even worth the effort for that.'
Their other hand joined on the opposite side of their face, now holding their head like a child.
`Mother wished she never found you. Her life would've been free of stress and anguish were it not for you. Yet you had the audacity to exist.'
They were openly sobbing now, nails piercing into their shell as they began to tear at themselves.
'No amount of pain will ever be enough to pay for your sins.'
Yet they continued. They continued to claw and rip off bits and pieces of their own fluff and flesh.
'Monster, monster, monster.'
Slamming their blood-soaked hands down, they glanced at their visage again, silver wisps floating about in the water. It was so much better this way, looking as rotten as they were inside.
However, improvements could be made.
The perfect closing of their shameful existence.
Oh, how many times had they tried, only to be stopped by false hope? Too many. But that would all change.
Grimm was gone, off to another dead kingdom. Peony was safe at what she felt was her home. The Ghost of Hallownest was busy with their usual endeavors. Never was there a better opportunity than this, to prove that their being alive brought far more harm than good.
The Troupe Master had been given a small trinket, crafted by the beast themselves. They had intentionally left an old cloak to the God Tamer, hiding a note inside. Even if she found it the second they had left, there was no way she could make it here in time.
Everything was in place. They began their trek to their old, vine-riddled home, taking their mask with and opting to walk instead of fly. It wouldn't matter if they left a trail. There would be nothing to see. Just an abandoned house and a statue covered in flora.
And yet...More thoughts refused to elude them.
' ...He feeds off you out of kindness. You've never remembered an unpleasant dream since you've become partners, haven't you? Not only that, you had explicitly agreed to it. The Nightmare King himself makes time to visit when his vessel cannot. Love is the only thing it could be.'
They shook their head, disbelieving at their own mind.
'She loves you. You aren't just a novelty to her. All the times she'd called you pretty were out of genuineness, not pity. She had complimented you from the start, even when you came on strong. She accepted you.'
They whined, holding their cut up cheeks again.
'Your mother chose to take you in. She may have not known specifics, but she knew what caring for an unfamiliar egg would bring. You brought her a new purpose in life. You taught her so many things just by being you. She was proud of you.'
They paused for a moment, face expressionless.
'I no longer have the energy to care anymore.'
Serab pressed on, ignoring the distant rustling of leaves. They couldn't wait to see Mama again.