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English
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Jump Scare 2020
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Published:
2020-09-14
Words:
352
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
9
Kudos:
159
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9
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1,018

Just a Jump to the Left

Summary:

“If you could think about your actions for one moment,” my crazy evil magic dad said, “you’d realize you didn’t have to do this.”

“Fuck you,” I said. I shifted my grip on the sword. “Had it not been for Harrow’s wiggly noodle arms, I would have slaughtered you.”

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Work Text:

I was probably worse off in Harrow’s body than she was, somewhere, in mine. Even considering she had no idea how to use the killer biceps I’d bequeathed her and she’d probably break her thumb throwing one punch. She had muscles now, no matter that she didn’t have the first clue what to do with them. Me, I had her sad little stick arms and none of the bone-braiding prowess she’d won with them. 

That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try, though. 

“If you could think about your actions for one moment,” my crazy evil magic dad said, “you’d realize you didn’t have to do this.”

“Fuck you,” I said. I shifted my grip on the sword. “Had it not been for Harrow’s wiggly noodle arms, I would have slaughtered you.” 

“Haven’t heard that one before,” he said. “I’ll admit it’s better than ‘while you were nuking the galaxy, I studied the blade.’ I mean, I get why you’re so enamored of it, but I never understood how that one survived ten thousand years of cultural shift.” 

“Whatever mind game you think you’re playing isn’t going to work,” I said. 

“Can you please just calm your tits? Calm only one, if you must, leave a party tit, but this whole reference roulette just gets more boring the more times I have to sit through it.” 

“The more times?”

Gaius closed his bizarre oil-spill-eclipse eyes and rubbed his temples, for all the world like a normal (if obscenely melodramatic, which I’ll admit is rich coming from me) human. “Look,” he said, “either you have your mind made up on trying to murder me or we can discuss this like rational adults, and I’d rather know which one it is instead of sitting here while you try to dunk on me. So which is it going to be, Gideon?”

“You get nothing,” I said. “You lose. Good day, dad!” I leveraged every myofibril of Harrow’s scarecrow body, swinging the blade up to meet him — 

and Gaius raised a hand.

I was probably worse off in Harrow’s body than she was, somewhere, in mine.