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Chapter Text

Hello, my name is Severus Snape.

I was born on the 9th of January, 1960. Before my birth, my parents marriage was on the rocks, they moved too fast and well, you can guess what happens next. I'm not saying they're abusive to eachother, though i wouldn't know that, but they weren't very loving anymore.

Then, my ma got pregnant.

Both of them said that i fixed their relationship. And i don't mean that i'm so cute that they suddenly decided to become immediately happy together again, i mean that i was the loudest, most annoying baby ever, with the lungs of a monster. They were forced to work together to deal with me, i became the adversity that drived them forward. And then, somewhere, somehow, they fell in love all over again along the way, while they were changing my diaper and waking up at 3 AM to silence my inhumane screaming.

Nowadays, they still get into petty arguments, but i don't think that a relationship where fights never happen is truly love.

But i'm just a kid, what would i know about that.

My da is a veteran soldier from the war. He's tall, gruff and scary if you look at him from a distance. Once you get close, however, he's even more scary, his face is fixed in a permanent frown that looks like he's suspicious of eveything. When i see him walk around the house, i like to imagine him saying things like 'What about you, huh? Cabinet, you shady crap.'

It's a completely different thing when your his son though. Because i know him as my dad, who has a hard time making facial expressions that aren't angry and disapproving and likes those chocolate pancakes that my ma makes on the weekends. 

My ma is a bit weird to be honest. Compared to my gigantic da, she's just small and delicate, with pale skin and impossibly black eyes. She's really silent, and also fast, sorta like a cat. You know that creepy thing that they do when you look and they aren't there, then you turn around and all of the sudden they are staring at you? Yeah, like that.

She's really good at cooking, i bet 5 pounds that you have never seen anyone dice and slice so perfectly. But sometimes, she does this weird thing where she pulls out a gigantic pot and just starts to throw random things in it, and stir. Once when i was sick, she did this and fed me some of the suspicious blue...water thing. It tastes horrible but i almost instantly feel better. She also has this weird wooden stick that she waves around sometimes.

She has a garden right behind our house, and she grows everything there. Whenever we make her mad, she forces me and da to go out and weed, though we just end up trying to find caterpillars. 

Da teaches me to defend myself, because that's how normal father and son bond. I know how to choke someone with their own collar, how to use a combat knife, how to do parkour and i also know how to aim really well. He can't let me use guns so we just used a baseball for practice instead.

Ma likes to dress me up, we don't have another girl in the house, and it's weird to try and put makeup on an imposing war veteran who's always frowning, so i have to be her test subject instead. I look a lot like her, so she made me grow my hair out. 

A lot of times, i get mistaken for a girl, the old lady that we live close to and occasionally gives us cookies always call me 'little girl', but i get free cookies so i don't really care. And once, a boy asked me to go play with him, and then got very sad when he found out that i was a boy for some reason..

Sometimes, my da's friends from the war comes to visit. They usually ask me to 'be their step daughter' or whatever, whenever they ask that, da's quick to chase them out. I asked him about it, my he didn't want to tell me anything.

Alright then, keep your secrets.

So basically, i live a relatively normal life. And that's it.

That night, the power went out. 

It was dark, and it was also mid-summer. The fan wasn't working so ma and i were suffering, meanwhile, da's fine because he's already used to it. Ma couldn't sleep, she kept turning around and sitting up only to lie back down again.

Then, she went to a loose floor board and pulled out that weird stick thing i mentioned. She said 'Lumos' and all of the sudden, there was light again.

When i asked about it the next day, she started telling me this story about Hogwarts, magic and wizard and witches. I thought that because she was tired at the time, she was just saying that so i could shut up.

And shut me up it did.

I spent the entire day thinking about it, it just sounds so surreal. There are ghost wandering all around the school,..harrasing you as you're trying to take a piss.

You can get lost in the stair maze, then get in trouble for being late for class because of said stair maze. Also, there's a specicfic step that will suck you in if you aren't careful.

Having to use parchment, quills and inkwells for eveything.

Owls flying above as you are trying to eat, and you live in constant fear of bird droppings.

The horribly stereotypical house system with little to no diversity.

The fact that so many 'normal' things can kill you.

And the fact that the name of the school sounds like a euphemism for a venereal disease.

There are plenty more that i can name, but that's it i guess.. I did ask da about it though. He just pat my head and told me 'when the time comes, you will know', which is extremely ominous coming from him.

Yeah, ma's definitely on drugs

Chapter Text

My name is Severus Snape, i am 7 years old and my parents are Tobias and Eileen Snape.

Today is the last day of summer. And i have to go to school again.

I'm going to a new one this year, not the one that i went to last time. Da recently got a new job, with better pay than the mill he used to work at. So we're going to move houses soon, and i have to attend a new school that's closer to our soon-to-be new house.

Ma dropped me off at Cokeworth's Primary school for gifted children. It was a big school, since it was one of the only two primary schools we have here in this town.

"Have fun sweety, i'll pick you up when school ends." Ma says, as she walked away. Da's probably going to get a car, so she won't have to walk anymore, i heard him talking about it. I wonder what the inside of a car is like.

I walked to class, since i already knew where it was. The teacher saw me at the doorway and ushered me in. 

She was a short woman, with messy auburn hair and tired eyes. Her name tag read "Melia Loft"

"Children, this year, we're going to have another friend. Would you like to introduce yourself?" She asked sweetly, it was faked, of course. Da taught me how to read people's voices and tell what they're thinking, but it was easy to hear the very practiced tone of her voice. 

It must be tiring to be a teacher, i feel bad for her. I definitely won't be one.

"My name is Severus Snape, i am a boy...I like apples, and caterpillars, and playing with my ma and pa." I said, keep it simple. Everything will be fine if i keep it simple, don't try to impress them, it'll come off as snobby. Though i don't really have anything to brag about..

"That's very cute Severus. Now, would you just take the seat right here." Mrs Loft gestured to the chair in one of the back rows, close to the window. "I hope that everyone had done the simple assignment that i have given you last year."

She continued to say "Now, since Severus here doesn't know what the assignment was. Could someone tell him?"

Many excited hands rose up, eager to help their new classmate. "How about you then, Eli?"

A girl with ask blond hair and clear blue eyes rose up "It was to describe an animal that you have in your house!"

"Very good! Now would a brave boy girl like to read out loud what they wrote? Lily? Would you like to?" The teacher asked, clapping her hands together. He could see her shoulders sagging in relief that things are going smoothly.

Another girl stood up and walked in front of the class. Lily, i presume was her name, had red hair and really pretty green eyes. She had spots on her face too! 

She grabbed the slightly crumbled paper in her hands and started reading "Fleas, usually called bed bugs. Are a harmful bug that bites you and sucks your blood during the night. I hate it with a burning passion. So in this paragraph, i would like to describe a flea and their harmfulness. They live everywhere, anywhere that they could fit. When you are sleeping, they charge at you with extreme speed to bite you and then immidiately go back into their hiding spot to hide. They can infect you and you won't even knew you are infected, until you are infected. Please be careful of fleas and detroy them."

The class started to clap, impressed. But Mrs Loft rubbed her eyes and said "Quiet, quiet children. Lily. sweetheart, i know what you're trying to do. You're trying to raise awareness, right?" Seeing the redhead nod, she continued to say "It is very nice of you Lily. But i was thinking maybe you could do something like..a pet! A cute dog or cat. Maybe a bird or fish! And fleas..maybe it's a topic for another day. So, now just imagine a cute animal. One that everyone likes! And describe it!" She added cheerfully, with a tired undertone.

The girl scrunched up her face, and thought fer a while. Then, she said "I have a dog..It has pretty white fur. It's fur is very thick...So thick that fleas could live in there, in this paragraph, i would like to talk about fleas and their harmfulness-"

"Stop." The teacher says, her smile slowly losing it's gentleness. She silenced the now laughing children. "I thought you were describing a dog. Why did you turn back to fleas?"

"Uhh..well."

"How..about we descibe something else?"

"Umm...My family has a goldfish. It is yellow and has a pretty. wavy tail...But if we aren't careful, fleas can infect the tank. In this paragraph, i would like to talk about fleas and their harmful-"

At that point, Mrs Loft had given up and decided to just let the redhead off with a B+.

Recess came, and i can feel the teacher physically recoil in relief and happiness. "It's playtime everyone! Have fun!" She said, speedwalking to the door and heading towards the breakroom. Severus has a feeling that she'd probably complain about the flea paragraph thing.

Maybe i can tell ma and da about it later today.

A lot of other kids have quickly surrounded my table, and then started bombarding me with questions "Hey, where did you come from?" And "Do you want to be friends? Or "Why do you have long hair? Can i touch it?"

But they were suddenly parted by a single redhead. It was Lily, the girl that talked about the fleas "Hey! My name is Lily Evans! Welcome to our class!"

"Hi, I'm Severus Snape. But you probably know that already." I said, the girl looked overly eager to be talking to me. And she actually squeed when i responded. But a boy suddenly stepped in and said "C'mon Lily! You have so many already! He's a boy so he should hang with us!"

"It's never enough!"

"What are.." I asked "You talking about?"

"Lily here." The boy pointed towards the pouting redhead "Has been hoarding friends since kindergarten! Everytime someone new comes along, she's the first!"

"Get off you high horse Jack! I'm not that bad!" 

"Oh you sooo are!"

"Am not!"

"You are!"

"Am-"

I stood in front of the school gate waiting for ma. Lily had already seen her parents and left, she talks alot, and has a impressive hatred for fleas.

I waited, kicked a rock into the street (lucky that noone was there), i tried to pet a racoon and alsmot got scratched. I found out how hard it was to fight a racoon. 

Soon, i spotted ma's familiar figure walking towards me. I waved and she sped up, her face scrunched up at my ruined hair (battle scars from my fight), "Did someone bully you Severus? Why are you so disheveled?"

"No, i wasn't. I fought an evil creature of darkness today." I responded, racoons are evil. The fight was more then enough proof, i saw da having to use a broom to chase away those trash hoarding off-brand cats.

"Well, if you say so, if you are bullied though, you tell me or your da immediately. How was your day Severus?"

"..I learned about fleas today."

Chapter Text

My name is Severus Snape, i am 9 years old. And Lily Evans is my best friend.

Despite my initial impression that Lily is quite annoying, she's also suprisingly easy to talk to.

The redhead is a social butterfly, so it was to be expected. At first a thought the way she rambled endlessly about everything was annoying, i mean, just how long could someone talk about flower? At least her flower talks are better than the flea rants. 

But the more i talked to her, the more i found myself actually enjoying her rambles. Sure, i can't be bothered to even listen to half of them, but it's nice to have something fill in the silent void. And now, i can say i'm an expert on flowers and fleas.

As weird as it sounds.

I was invited to her house (actually, she just begged me to come with her and i had to give in) and turns out, my da's new job was also at her da's office. Mr Harold is nice, he helps me with my math homework, 'cus he's an accountant (mostly because Da doesn't know how to explain it). Mrs Rose is too, the chocolate eclairs that she makes are the best. 

Petunia is nice enough, she's a bit mean, but she plays with us. She's also a really good actor, alot of times, we would pick out random scenes and watch her reenact everything. she makes a good Alice in Wonderland..

So years passed, the older we got the closer we became. It's quite weird to think that the first impression i had of her was 'that girl who liked to talk about fleas'. She still mentions fleas alot, she never stopped. Her hatred towards the bugs were unyielding and unbreakable. I would have said it was impressive if it weren't for the fact that i was the one to have to listen to her 3 hour long rants about them.

I wonder what they did to earn such an ire..

"Where were you the night of the murder you guilty fu-freak?" Petunia hissed, getting close and glaring daggers at me. I can feel the cold sweat forming, drenching the back of my t-shirt. Sometimes, i wish that Tuney's acting wasn't so realistic, everytime we did something like this, it's always me who has to suffer through her glares.

We were playing law and order. Lily wants to be in law when she grows up, so this game isn't something out of the normal. Today had heavy rain, which means we can't go anywhere, so Tuney agreed to play with us. 

"Nothing to say huh?" She mocked "As you can see your honor! All of the hints point to Severus as the murderer!" Exclaiming in a dramatic voice and waving her hand at me. 

Mrs Rose (who also agreed to play with us today) was just about to slam down the toy hammer when Lily slammed her hand down the table and said "Objection!"

"You may speak" said Mrs Rose, putting the hammer down. The woman chuckled at the dramatics of it all, but was endeared nonetheless.

"Oh come on! Severus is obviously the murderer!" Petunia says, pouting. "Nuh-uh! Sev can't possibly be the murderer! He was too busy planting bombs all around the city! I would like the prosecution to note that these bombs were placed by my client! He couldn't have been stabbing anyone!"

If this is how she's going to defend me, i don't think she should be a lawyer..

Mrs Evans nodds solemnly, showing a great control over her facial features.

But whatever "That's right! I planted those bombs! I would also like to say, in 1665, i commited 3 acts of tax fraud. Yes, it was i!"

Petunia slammed her hands of the table "Damn! If i picked one person to commit identity theft on it shouldn't have been you then!" 

That was when Mrs Evans gave out and started to laugh uncontrollably. To which Lily frowned "Mummy! We're still in court! You shouldn't laugh!"

"Haha..i-i'm sorry Lily."

That's how most days passed.

Not today though, because it is day 20 of 'begging ma to let me have a pet'. 

"Maaa.." 

"No Severus, you're not getting a pet." She says, putting her hands on her hips. I don't understand why ma doesn't let us have a pet, all the other kids in the neighborhood had one! Da's job actually pays pretty well, so while we're not rich, it's not like we can't have one..

"Pleeasee. I'll do everything! I'll take care of them! I'll feed them! Walk them! Even clean up it's litter! Just pleasee!"

Ma sighs, probably tired. "Alright, alright. I'll get you a pet.."

"YES!!"

Later that evening, ma talked it over with da. And he agreed to take me to a petshop tommorow, if i finish my schoolwork in time and was good.

I behaved my very best and finally, was allowed to go and get the pet of my dreams. I've always wanted a dog! If i could, i'd get a Newfoundland! Or a Husky! Maybe a Golden Retriever or Labrador!

Ah! this is the best!

I bounced into the shop, da following closely behind me, i went around to inspect the place while he stays behind to talk with the shopkeeper. As i looked around, i suddenly heard a voice.

'Well then, what do we have here?' 

I turned around, there was noone there. "Huh?" I asked "Did anyone say anything?" Was it just my imagination? 

'You can understand me?' 

It was from the right! I spun around, and there was a..bird?

"Did you speak to me?" I asked, then snorted. What am i saying? Of course it wasn't the bird, birds can't talk. But just as i was about to leave, it answered. 

'I see, so you can understand me afterall..Well then young child, who are you looking for? I don't think that one as young as yourself would want an 'ol bird like me now.'

..So it was the bird? 

Deciding that this is fine, completely normal. I responded, as a decent human would "Umm, i'm looking for dog!"

'Ohh, then you are looking at the wrong place. Such a shame though, i was hoping for a cat person..'

"Cats? Why? Aren't you a bird?"

'It's not that, you see, there's a black cat here. She's been here for about 2 years now. Noone is interested in buying her, and i overheard the shopkeeper talking about putting her down..'

Putting her..down? As in killing her?

I asked the bird "Where is she right now?" The bird looked up, i think it was suprised. "She's in the corner of the shop, i don't know exactly where but you can ask the other animals."

And with that, i nodded. Walking over to the back rows of the petshop, i was guided by the other animals who showed me the way.

Soon, i reached a single, slightly rusted and lonely cage with a black cat in it. She looked up, and looked back down again 'The other cats are over there..'

I sat down, ignoring the dusty floor. "What your name?"

'I don't have one." She shook her head, she seemed so sad.

"Well you're gonna need a name, 'cus you're adopted." I said, poking at the cage. Her head snapped up 'Wait-for real? You're really taking me?!'

"Yep, are you okay with it?"

And with that, she started jumping up and down excitedly. It must be the first time she ever had someone who wanted to have a her. I picked up the cage, with her still waltzing around happily and headed to the front of the shop.

I sat down in the car with my new cat proudly showing off her collar, rubbing herself all over.

"So then, A cat eh? I thought you wanted a dog." Da said, starting the engine. The noise slightly startling our new family memeber.

"I changed my mind."

"Waht her name then?"

"..Midnight. Her name is Midnight."

And 'Midnight', hearing her name, meowed and continued to rub against me.

Chapter Text

My name is Severus Snape, I am 11 years old. My mom and dad are Eileen and Tobias Snape, and my best friend is Lily Evans.

Today, I am convinced that my ma is going to sell me to this old, stern looking lady in our living room. The lady, whose name is Mcgonagall, is almost like the female version of my da. I am pretty sure that she has facial paralysis, considering that her face didn't even do so much as twitch the entire time she was here.

I broke my ma's new vase that she had just bought last week, that is probably why she suddenly wants to sell me. And right on my birthday too..

I wish I could have stayed in Cokeworth for longer and continue to play make-belief courtroom with the worst lawyer in existance, AKA Lily Evans. But I guess that I just have to accept my fate. 

Hopefully, that fate isn't being a slave. I would only accept being a cleaning maid.

"Severus darling, would you please stop hovering in the doorway and come here?" Ma says, her voice is soft and fakely gentle. Da isn't even doing anything about it, I knew I couldn't trust him with my safety.

I forced back the urge to run away and walked into the living room with fake calmness and made myself comfortable on the sofa. The facial paralysis victim stared down at me, probably trying to guess how much manual labour I could do before I collapse from exhaustion. 

Ma continued, smiling down at me "Severus? Do you remeber the magical school I told you about? Hogwarts?"

No, I do not, infact, remember hearing anything about 'Hogwarts'. The name sounds vaguely familiar, but I was never the type to hold onto memories so tightly. Still, I didn't want trouble, which I knew I was going to get into if I were to tell the truth, so I nodded my head like the good little 10 year old boy I am. Hopefully, my politeness with appease them and my ma will rethink the decision to sell me.

Finally, Mcgonagall spoke, in the authoritive and strict voice that I imagined she would have "You will be enrolling into that school this year. I hope you already understand how special you are."

The only thing special about me is the fact that I could understand what the animals in the backyard are saying, plus that one time I almost successfully licked my elbow after Lily told me I couldn't out of pure spite, but okay.

"Okay" I said dumbly, like the dumb child that I am "When am I going?" 

"You will go to Diagon Alley to get your school supplies tomorrow, with me." Uh oh, stranger danger "The red head girl that lives nearby is also going, I presume you know eachother?"

The only red head that we have here in Cokeworth is Lily. Thank god, Lily is going to be sold with me, I told her it wasn't a good idea to try and tame that wild goose we found in the forest. I heard it telling us to 'Screw off' but she never listened to me.

And now we are both getting sold.

"I expect you to be there at 8 AM sharp tomorrow." Mcgonagall said pointedly "Do not make me wait."

This is it, my youthful days are over.

My ma gushed all over me as she put a soft, dark blue cloak that looked old but was well preserved over my shoulders, she looked so happy to be leaving me. After fixing my hair for the tenth time that morning, she cooed over her masterpiece.

"Look at you baby, you're finally going to where you should be." Ma sighed "I wish you could have stayed young for longer, you were always so cute when you weren't trying to shatter our eardrums as a baby."

Da nodded, doing his best impression of a smile, with is just unnaturally twitching the corners of his mouth slightly upwards. I applauded him in my mind, this is the most emotion that da had ever shown, I am proud of him. 

"Do your best," Da grunted, though softer than his normal grunts "If anyone gives you any trouble there then beat them up. I'm sure that you still remember the moves I taught you? I'm sure that fancy boarding school doesn't teach martial arts to its' students."

He nodded, he had finally found out that the place they are sending him to is not the slave ring, but rather a fancy boarding school somewhere in Scotland. So that is one worry off his chest.

"Alright sweetie, now stay still." Ma says, pulling out that weird wooden stick that she waves around. She turned and said "Apparate!"

Suddenly, I felt as though is insides were rearranged, the nausea was so bad that I couldn't help but feel the intense puke right after my feet were on a hard surface again. Rushing to the nearest trashcan, I tugged aside a girl hunching over it and started emptying my stomach. "Hey!" I heard the girl said "I was here first!"

The voice sounded familiar and when I was finally finished with my excessive puking I turned to see Lily standing there with a shocked face. She squinted, I did the same, once both of us were sure that we weren't hallucinating due to the nausea, that shock quickly turned into excitement.

"Sev!" My redhead best friend shouted "Thank god it's you! Now I'm not alone!" 

I nodded, a smile on my face. I still couldn't talk because whatever ma did, it messed by stomach up. The redhead smiled "I'm so glad! I wish that the guy could have just told me your name though, do you know how many "black haired boy"s there are in Cokeworth?"

Suddenly, a large and tall shadow loomed over us. It was Mcgonagall in her witch getup "Apparition tends to do that to unexperienced people. If you study hard then you probably won't puke."

And that was the day that i learned, my ma wasn't kidding when she said she had magic.

I looked at the dingy and dirty pub, which is said to be the gateway to a magical shopping district. I have no idea who thought that this was a good idea, but then again I literally just teleported so who am i to judge?

Hopefully, there would be some sense of normalicy found in the presumably magical school which is full of magical teenagers.

...Not much hope.

Unlike me however, Lily seemed to be pretty excited to join this secret society full of wizards and witches. She is an adventurer, so no suprise there, I'm just not sure about going to school weilding an all powerful weapon capable of mass destruction.

So...yeah

Mcgonagall entered the pub with the two of us in tow, once she reached a brick wall, she tapped it with the end of her logic-defying stick and whispered 'Diagon Alley'.

Lo and behold, the red bricks parted open to reveal a gateway. I would like to know the mechanics behind this? 

Once we stepped into the street though, the only word I could use to descibe it was... Magical.

Chapter Text

Diagon Alley is magical and beautiful, like a fairytale that came to life.

However, I wonder why noone is commenting on the science behind eveything. There's a shop that sells flying brooms, do they have engines built inside of the wood? Or is it run by magical powers alone? If so why are they being advertised like sports cars??

Lily was too busy cooing at everything that breathed in the vincinity (people included), so she isn't listeing to my woes right now. Mcgonagall looked at me and then back at Lily, then she mumbled something about 'The duality of man..'

I don't know what that it, but it doesn't sound interesting enough for me to actually be curious.

Lily was more than glad to do all the actual shopping for me, so all I had to do was wait for the cool looking goblins finished making a bank account for me. I mostly followed her around as she excitedly shoved everything in my face. I wonder why the wizards haven't upgraded from using inkwells and quills yet. The parchment smells nice though, good 'old book' feel to it.

Potions shopping was cool, even as Lily almost spilled a jar of pickled frog legs on my robe. She didn't seem all that apologetic as she rushed over to look at the 'fresh fire salamanders' that were on sale.

There was a cauldron made out of pure gold. Shame, I didn't have enough money to buy it.

Madam Malkin's Robes was quite an experience. Lily got angry at one of the magical measuring tapes and tried to fight it. 

The madam was more amused than anything, it took a whole 7 minutes of Lily trying to strangle it before she did anything. Mcgonagall wispered disdainfully under her breath, 'I know this one is going to be a headache'.

I agree, Lily can be quite the handful. Especially when she's talking about fleas. 

The one I like the most though, was the Ollivander's Wand shop.

I wanted to get the shopping done first, but Lily was convinced that reading the title of every book in the store and guessing its contents were more important. So with the permission of professor Mcgongall, I was allowed to go get my wand beforehand. As I was, she said 'Obviously the more responsible one'.

It was probably the closest thing I could get to a compliment from the Scottish witch, so I took it in pride.

And now I am, standing infront of Ollivander's Wand shop. It looked a but dingy on the outside, but then again this place has probably existed for a century already. 

The old wooden door of the shop opened with a creak, they should replace the thing. Who in the world would want the screams of the dammed stuck in a doorknob as your first greeting?

It was much better inside, less dusty, more... magical?

Boxes, upon boxes laid on eachother, each swirling with magical energy. Some felt warm and welcoming and other felt like it was trying to shoo me away for disturbing their mid-day nap. A bit rude, but understandable. Da didn't like it when he got woken up either.

All the sudden, the wands started to speak.

'Oh great, another brat. Here to buy us like we're some kind of cattle.'

'Don't be rude Oswald! Young wizards and witches are supposed to be our companions!'

'I hope this one knows better than that last boy who threw a tantrum in the middle of the shop. Poor Elizabeth was so embarrased when she matched with him.'

'He seems polite enough.'

'Don't so this to me, don't give me hope.'

The wands were acting like he couldn't hear them, most people tend to gossip when others have their backs turned. 

An man, looks like in his 40's, came out from the back of the shop and noticed me standing there doing nothing, I assume he is Garrick Ollivander . A quick glance, and then he smiled.

"It has been quite a while, since I've had a Whisperer in my shop." He said

I don't understand what he is saying, anyone can whisper?

"Oh dear, oh dear," He walked up "And you don't even know about your abilities. No worries! You'll figure it out soon enough! It's the special ones like you that are the smartest."

The wands started to gossip again.

'Whisperer?'

'Oh! How exciting! Hello young friend!'

'Calm down Rosalia! You'll scare the kid off!'

'It's been a while since we've had one of those kids in here. Who was the last one? Bah, I don't remember!'

'Of course you don't remember! You're just a cranky old man who's mad because you don't have your own wizard yet!'

"I can hear you, you know?" I said, pouting "It's a bit rude of you to gossip right in front of my face. You could at least have the decency to wait until I'm out of earshot."

Ollivander raised his brow "Quite a powerful one then. Not many can communicate with the wand," And then a mischevious smile flashed "Whisperes tend to find their own companion without any help. It's rude to try and introduce wands to you when you could easily introduce youself to them. Hm?"

While it makes sense, Ollivander is also being an asshole.

'Hey kid! You can talk to us right! Ditch the old guy! All he does is coo over the baby wands in the back of the shop!'

'Oh c'mon Errick, I'm sure Ollivander is just very enthusiastic! You know his father was very strict, he's doing his best!!'

'He tripped and ripped his trousers yesterday.'

'No gossiping, the child could hear us.'

'Stop being a fuddy-duddy, Lessi! Tell him, kid!'

'I'm not a fuddy-duddy!! And my name is not Lessi!'

The wands broke into an argument, there was light pulsing around the two. To most people, it would have looked like the wands were trying to attract someone's attention- mine in this case- I knew better.

'Oh! what a cute child we have here! Such smooth white skin!!'

'You're being creepy again, Parma.'

'Oh don't blame me! He's so pretty! A future heartthrob!!'

'Is this a fucking modelling show to you? You perverted old Opeleye!'

'Well you're just a bitter old Horntail, Aruall!'

"Excuse me, but can you please tell me how am I suppose to find my wand?" I turned to wands for help, considering that Garrick doesn't seem all that interested in doing anything for me.

'Best not to talk to those Thestral folk. So dark and gloomy, not suitable at all for you!'  The wand that was named 'Parma' said. 

'Aruall' continued 'Those uppity unicorns aren't any help either. Too vain and prideful, only attracted to the bright looking ones.'

Lily would probably be a match for a Unicorn wand, though I wonder if the wand could handle her..

'You're best suited for us dragons! But you lack ambition! We are proud hunters, alphas! You're too content with lying around and being peaceful!'

'Now now, that's not a bad thing! Ridgebacks can appreciate a calm attitude.'

'They are cowards!'

A headache was beginning to form, dragons are so complicated.

'Ohh, this is interesting.' A new voice lazily drawls from behind them. 'Finally,a child who appreciates the the finer things in life. You shoudl learn from him Aruall, its better to be peaceful now that you are dead.

'Oh fuck, it's the freakshow. Don't talk to him kid, you'll get infected.'  'Aruall' growled out. Like, literaly growled, I didn't know that wands could make such a noise.

'Now Aruall, that's rude. I'm 3 ranks your senior, be respectful.'

"Who are you?" I asked "And what do you mean by 'infected'?"

'Parma' interjected, trying to soothe the more aggressive wand of the two 'Oh, Ladica isn't that bad. Aruall is just mad because he lost a duel to him when we were still alive.'

'You're a prime example of a failed dragon! Quetzalcoatls are one of the most powerful and ancient dragon breeds! And all you do is sleep and wait for the wizards to come kill you!'

'I was getting old anyway, by the time those youngsters came to kill me, I was already moments away from my death. I simply fell victim to natural selection.'

'You're just lazy!!'

This is going to take a long time.

Chapter Text

'Aruall' drawled, after 'Parma' had successfully broken up the fight between the two wands 'So, whisperer, eh? It's been quite a while since I have seen your kind.'

"What do you mean by 'my kind'? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only halfblood in this entire community." I answered, looking at the intricately carved wand. Say what you want, but as annoying, and quite frankly rude, most of these wands are they are still a work of art. 

'You don't know shit, don't you.' I am appalled by the audacity of this wand, but also intrigued 'Whisperers are special even amongst the "wannabe Merlin the second coming" s of this race. Wizards don't normally talk to animals, much less tiny little parts of their body stuck inside some magical tools.'

Well, that certainly made sense, as oversimplified and badly summarised as it was. He never saw Lily cursing at that evil duck in the pond before, so maybe it's just him?

"Are there any other people like me?" I ask "Surely, even if I'm the only one in this current generation, I can't be the only one. If whisperers are known and documented then there must be other who had the same gifts."

'And you are right about that!' 'Parma' interjected 'The first whisperer is theorized to be Morgan Le Fay herself. But the first documented is the famous German dragon tamer Stígandr Grossg.'

"You know a great deal about history for a wand," I inclined "Where you there?"

'Oh was I!' The wand giggled (Can wands giggle??) 'I was the first dragon he talked to! Oh, it was such a great time! And such a sweet little human he was!'

The old wand from earlier, 'Ladica' is it's name (?), cough and said 'Parma, I think the kid has been here long enough. It's been 20 minutes and he has yet to find a wand. I'm sure that you can gossip next time?'

Finally, a voice of reason.

'Parma' whined like a child, very unlike a thousand year old dragon, 'But this rare! I'm not often I get to talk with anyone other than the other wands stuck here with us!! Oh! How about you take me with you?'

I hesitated for a moment, then reached out to grab her. When the tip of the wand suddenly violently sizzled and let out a shard 'BANG!'. Garrick Ollivander turned to me to make sure nothing wrong happened, but then he simply smiled and turned back to his newspaper. How unhelpful, this is prejudice against whisperers.

'Oh dear' 'Parma' said apologetically 'I guess my core isn't suited for you..'

"It's fine," I said, dusting off the.... dust "I'll just try with another?"

'Oh, Aruall, why don't you let him try?'

'Fuck no!'

"C'mon, just pick him up sweety!!'

Usually, I would listen to the expert's advice on things. I listen to Lily when she states a fact about flowers (and fleas), so it would make sense for me to listen to a wand's adive about getting a wand in the first place. But looking at the very threatening and glowing red tip of the other wand, it's doesn't take a genius to realise that this is a bad move.

I turned miserably to the other wands on the stand. 

The 'dragon' core wands are too busy enjoying the show, apparently the three wands he chose to converse with were all very popular. It's like that thing with celebrities, everybody wants the tea but no one is willing to brew it.

The other core wands were not even paying attention to him, what a bunch of insesitive assholes.

'Ladica' glowed, calling to him 'Hey kid, it's getting boring so just take me and get out of here. Yeah?'

I didn't have a lot of hope in this certain wand, he was smug and very sassy ( a bit of an ass actually) as proven by the earlier argument. But he took a leap of fate and snagged the wand.

Suddenly, a warm feeling spread around him, similar to when his ma allows him to go overboard on the bubble-bath and he ends up soaking in the warm water for almost an hour.

A small dragon emerged from the tip, twirling around him a few times before finally flying back inside of the wand. It was a very impressive light show.

Silence settled around the shop for the first time since he came here, before it was destroyed by a very loud.

'WHAT THE FUCK???'

"So, how did you know that I was your kid?" I asked "Unless you've got some insane luck or instinct going on.."

'Ladica laughed, "It's more of an instinctual thing, I knew the moment you stepped in the shop! It felt right and so I just had to roll out of my usual hiding spot! And luckily, you're quite an entertaining kid, so I won't be getting bored anytime soon!' 

"So, most wands can sense who their partner is?"

'Kind of, a lot of times our instincts are wrong. Take 'Parma' for example, that Opaleye you tried to take, she felt a connection to you but your cores do not match. It's kind of like that with many of the kids coming in here, that's why we have guys like Garrick to make sure that each wand goes to the right person.'

Now that was a piece of lore he didn't expect, wands were either powerful and sentient weapons of mass destruction, or as he had discovered recently, a bunch of gossipy dipshits. His mother always talked about how she felt when she first 'met' her wand, he thought he had imagined it, but he always heard the wand saying things like 'Eileen, your tits are in my face' and 'Eileen, I demand pancakes. I wants pancakes and you will give it to me.'

He soon spotted the familar patch of red hair running all over the place and terrorrising the shopkeepers, with an old witch duifully following behind her. He sped up his pace and soon the girl sensed him.

"Sev!! There you are. Look! I just found these quills and they are so cute!!! We have to get them Sev! Or i'll die!" Lily said, dragging him along with her. But the moment her eyes fell upon the wand on his new holster, her eyes shined brighter than car headlights.

"Oh! Sev, let's go and get my wand! I completely forgot about it! But then we have to come and get those quills, alright? After that I'll get an owl!"

I bemoaned my fate of having to go back to the shop so soon, but Lily is here so maybe it won't be so bad.