Archive of Our Own ^beta

“So… did it hurt?” Roman asked, lacing his fingers with Janus’ as they laid in bed together, he ran his thumb across his knuckles.
Janus just hummed opening his eyes and looking over his shoulder “Did what hurt?” He asked for clarification “I mean you were really gentle so-”

“No.” Roman quickly cut him off, removing his hand to rub his shoulder, then slowly he ran his hand flat over the arm of the other man’s wing “When you fell?”

Janus huffed, dropping his head back on to the pillow looking ahead, well now the feeling of Roman’s bare skin against his own was no longer a comforting warmth. Now it was just reminding him of when he was exiled.

When he was shoved out of the clouds and free fell for who knows how far or how long. Really all he remembers is skidding across the ground and experiencing pain for the first time and in the most excruciating way. The entire left side of his face was scarred from the way he had skidded across the rocks and dirt.

Instead of answering the question Janus just forced a gentle chuckle turning his head to face Roman again “That’s an awful pick up line you know.” He purred tilting his head up to brush his lips against the other man’s enjoying the way his face flushed pink at the attention.

“Janus.” He spoke, tone serious

“Hmm?” Was the answering hum closing his eyes to feign how tired he was when really it was to ignore the stinging of the tears he could feel.

Roman sighed before he just wrapped his arm around his middle again bringing him flush against his chest closing his eyes as well “Okay.” 

Janus softly sighed in relief glad that his lover hadn’t pushed the issue raising his hand to set it on top of the other’s curling his fingers around the back of his hand tucking his wings tighter against his back. “That was months ago already anyways, I’ve spent much too much time filling my days with you to even remember it.” He lied easily, a bit too easily if the huff from Roman was any indication 

“Of course you don’t my dove.” He muttered breathing easily before slowly drifting off to too, Janus only a few minutes behind him.

The angel however woke up with a start mere hours later. The large white wings behind him trembled, eyes and tongue heavy as he ran shaking hands over his cold and sweaty shoulders. He had remembered his fall vividly in his sleep. Down to the weight and warmth of the hands against his back before he was pushed off down to each individual rock and pebble that had met him in his crash landing to the ground thousands of miles below them. In a desperate attempt to ground himself from the nightmare he took a fistful of the feather’s behind him, he brought his hand back to forcefully tug hoping that a few would come with him.

However, his wrist was grabbed and he was brought in the lap of someone, a moment’s thought made him realize it was Roman. He had managed to wake the human up. And heaven’s forgive him, it was a weekday only a few hours before his lover needed to get up and ready for the day. 

Janus was eventually pulled back to reality by Roman rocking him in his arms, replacing the feathers with his hand. The taller man gently shh’ed him near his ear “It’s alright my dove.”He attempted to reassure him 

Damn it all. Damn it. He was doing so well and all of that was thrown away by a simple nightmare!

Roman grunted at the way Janus squeezed his hand, now much happier he had made sure he hadn’t torn his feathers out instead. He was sure it’d be harder to get him to stop after the first pluck. “What’s wrong dear? Was it a nightmare?” He asked, though the answer was obvious. In the four months they had been living together the angel in his lap hadn’t ever been like this. Even when he had first found him dazed in his backyard.

Janus hiccuped, his inner cheek trapped between his molars hard enough that he had to let go at the taste of copper 

“It hurt Roman.” He choked out bringing his wings around himself as comfort “It hurt so- so fucking bad.” He swore choking on a sob. 
Roman flipped his hand, albiet uncomfortable, so he’d be able to lace their fingers together frowning a bit, his boyfriend rarely swore. A habit probably still left over from his time above. But it was just proof of how distressed he actually was 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked gently, having to move his head away when the answer was a vigorous shake of his head making sure he didn’t crash into his chin. 

“Alright dove, you don’t need to talk about it.”

“He was supposed to love me Roman. Why didn’t he love me?!” Janus asked, squeezing his hand impossibly tighter holding it to his chest as he shuddered, repressing the sobs trapped in his throat making his throat burn. He was well aware that the human didn’t have any sort of an answer but he needed to ask. It had been consuming him since he made it here, why wasn’t he loved enough to keep around? He wasn’t even enough to get sent down to hell not even coming close to crashing through the earth like he had expected to. Just ending up with an injured wrist and weak wings. The question had cored out his chest, making it impossible to look up into the sky without remembering all over again that his caretaker gave up on him. 

“I don’t know Janus...” Roman responded which came to no surprise to the winged man, he didn’t really expect an answer anyhow. “But I do know I love you.” He continued making Janus huff a laugh turning his head to rest it where the other’s shoulder met his neck. He knew that too, there wasn’t a day that went by without Roman telling him that he loved him. 

He shifted his wings at the feeling of a broad hand running over the arm of it, fingers gently combing through the white feathers 

“Should I sing to you?” He offered

Janus just shrugged “I’m not a fledgling anymore Roman.” Was his response 

“I didn’t hear a no though.” Even without opening his eyes (when had he closed them?) and looking up he knew his lover was smirking at him. He sighed and loosened his grip running his thumb along Roman’s index finger, easily moving with him as he began to sway with him in his arms. His ear pressed against his throat to feel the low vibrations as he began to sing.

He’d apologize about waking him up when he returned from work the next evening.