Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If life went according to plan, Shinji would probably already be in the car by now. But to be fair, if life went according to plan, he wouldn’t even have to be in the first place.

Of fucking course, Misato’s luck was down, but hey, had there even truly been a time when it had been up? She manuverd her car around the debris that came flying into the road, praying that her car would emerge from the mess unscathed. At the very least, could she pull up to the station looking semi-presentable? 

She swerved the corner, screeching on her breaks as the boy came into view. He definitely didn’t look like what she’d expected Commander Ikari’s son to. For one, he didn’t have the appearance of some kind of hell spawn, a definite plus in her book. At the same time, he was a lot younger than Misato had expected, a lot younger.

“Sorry for the wait!” She called out, opening the door. Shinji looked at her in shock, but quickly came to his senses, running around to the other side of her car and hopping in the passenger seat. Ideally, she’d been holding onto the hope that he'd be in high school, but by the looks of things, he easily couldn’t be older than fifteen at the very most. Great, another child to throw into the mix.

Shinji looked like an owl as he buckled himself in, what with his shaky hands and his wide eyes. “Miss Katsuragi, do you know what’s happening, by chance?” He asked, voice shaking slightly.

Misato hit the gas, beginning the drive back. “Not a clue, sorry!” she said, trying to keep her voice cheery as she swerved again,  just barely missed a falling bush. “Honestly, it could be anything. The sooner we get to HQ though, the better.” 

“D-does stuff like this happen a lot?”

“Eh, give or take. Wouldn’t say it’s super common, but it isn’t really a surprise anymore either.” 

“Well, it must happen enough to make you a confident enough driver to feel comfortable driving during a time like this.” 

“Partly. I was already in the car, to be fair. What was I gonna do, just hop out and pray that I’m not crushed in a landslide as a cliff falls apart?”

“Fair.” She heard him say. “Still, you’re good at this. You should be, like, a racecar driver, or something.”

“Aw, thanks Shinji, not quite sure I’d go that far myself, though.”

“Nonsense, you make this look easy!”

“Glad you think so.” She smiled, “You know what, maybe it is time I get more confident in my driving. Screw it, I am good at this! I’m an international agent, after all, and I’m the absolute best driver in the whole ci-”

A boulder struck the driver’s side door and the car rolled off the road and into a ditch.

--

“Irony’s a hell of a bitch, ain’t it?” Misato asked, trying her best to survey the damage to the car. It didn’t look too bad, and she and Shinji had managed to get it out of the ditch by just pushing on it. By  now, whatever the hell had been happening earlier had finally stopped, so they weren’t in any imminent danger, for the time being.

“Yeah.” he answered, walking around to the other side. “It looks like the bumper’s coming off a bit here.” he called out.

“Unsurprising. I’m just glad I managed to get away with this little damage.” Misato opened the passenger door and fumbled through the glove compartment for the duct tape she kept in there for occasions like this. “Nothing a little duct tape can’t fix, though!” 

Before either of them knew it, the car had been fixed up to the best of their ability and they were back on the road. Shinji was quiet, opting to look out his window at the scenery that passed them both by. Crap! I just got this baby fixed up, and now look at her! Ugh, not to mention, I’ve still got, what, twenty eight months left ‘till I’ve got her completely paid off? This won’t look good on my insurance, that’s for sure. Maybe they’ll be lenient, considering what just happened? I certainly can’t be the only one whose car got fucked up because of this.

Misato was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of her car phone ringing. “You still have that thing connected?” Shinji asked, sounding slightly surprised. 

“Of course! How else am I supposed to go for the ultimate 90s aesthetic?” she teased, reaching for the center console. “Katsuragi.”

“You okay, Commander?” The voice on the other line was that of Maya Ibuki, soft, anxious, and girl-like. “It was pretty scary out there.”

“Yep! Don’t you worry.” she responded, smiling. “Shinji’s in here, and he’s doing fine as well.” The boy looked over at Misato upon hearing his name, and the older woman winked. “Know what that was all about, by any chance?”

“Yeah, it was an angel, by the looks of it.” Maya sounded anxious, and Misato felt her heart drop slightly. Just what Shinji needed on his first day. “Dr. Akagi and I are about to go and run some checks on Unit-01, we need to make sure everything’s fine and all before you two arrive. Anything you need beforehand? We’re about to head down.”

“Yeah, send up a car ramp, please. Other than that, I think we’re fine.”

“Will do, Commander Katsuragi.” Maya responded.

“Great, thanks Maya, see you soon.” Misato hung up, and glanced over at Shinji. “We’re almost there, just sit tight.” Shinji nodded. He looked tense, but Misato couldn’t really blame him. He had to be shaken up (she’d be surprised if he wasn’t), but he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. In all honesty, she’d probably be doing the same, were she in his shoes.

“Here we are!” She sing-songed as the car pulled up to the entrance. The automated door opened, and Misato pulled forward onto the ramp. She put the car in park, and leaned back. “While we’re waiting, I suppose I should give you this.” Reaching into her bag, Misato pulled out the welcome booklet, and handed it to Shinji. “Just get read up on the basics whenever you have time, definitely doesn’t have to be right now or anything.”

“Thank you, Miss Katsuragi.” Shinji said earnestly. 

“Please, just call me Misato, no need to be so formal.” she laughed.

“A-all right then, Miss Misato.”

Close enough. “Sorry, calling me by my last name just kinda reminds me of my dad, and I didn’t really like him, in all honesty.”

“Oh. Sorry, I know what that’s like-- to not get along with your father.”

“Guess we’re the same in that manner, then.” Misato looked off into the distance. She didn’t bother pressing any further, the last thing she’d want to do was make Shinji uncomfortable, after all.

They sat quietly for a few moments, before Shinji broke the silence. “Do you have a boyfriend or anything?”

Misato almost choked on the water she was drinking. Who the hell did this kid think he was? She had met him what, an hour ago? 

“Shinji, no offense, but you’re a literal child.” She said, having composed herself a bit. “You’re what, a little under half my age? No way my guy, I’m not-”

“Th-that’s not what I meant at all!” The boy turned about fifty different shades of red. “I was just, you know, um… curious, that’s all. I mean, I’m gonna be working with you for the foreseeable future, right? I just, uh, I just wanted to know about you!”

“Oh, uh, I’m so-”

“I don’t have a crush on you or anything, promise.” Shinji was still blushing, although he sounded sincere. Misato decided to let him off the hook. He had just opened up to her about the non-existence of his relationship with his father, after all. She couldn’t blame him for wanting to find something else to talk about. It’s not like she was much different when talking about hers, after all. She decided that the best thing she could do was get off the subject.

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” She laughed. “Damn, we fall into a ditch, almost get severely hurt, and one of the first things you decide to ask me is if I’m dating anybody.” Way to get off of the subject!

“Miss Misato, I-”

“Don’t worry about it Shinji!” She laughed, hoping that she wouldn’t slip up again. “Look, I’ll let you in on a little secret while we’re here, just because it’s only fair. Promise you won’t tell anybody though, alright?” 

“Promise.” Shinji smiled a bit, a good sign. Maybe he would end up talking to Misato consistently after all. She leaned over a bit.

“Now, like I said before, this is strictly confidential. I don’t want this to suddenly become the hottest new bit of office gossip, got it? I trust you though, you seem like a great kid.” Misato smiled. Shinji looked out the window at the escalator that was carrying the car down to HQ, and then back at her. He seemed taken aback by her words, yet not hurt. Maybe it was how quickly she placed her trust in him that served as a surprise. In all honesty, it surprised her just as much. Something about Shinji made him seem like the prime person to share secrets with, though. Misato vaguely wondered if he got that a lot. 

“I may not have a boyfriend, but I do, however, happen to have feelings for… a very certain someone.” She said, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel. “You’ll meet ‘em soon enough, trust me.”

Shinji was quiet for a moment, before speaking up. “So like… they work here?” He asked. Misato laughed lightheartedly. 

“I’d assume so. You’ll probably know when you see them. In all honesty, you’dve found out one way or the other because God knows I am not very good at keeping my feelings under wraps. At least this way you won’t be left wondering or anything.”

“You should give yourself more credit, Miss Misato.” Shinji said, picking at the fabric of his jeans absentmindedly. “You’re probably better than you think.”

“Maybe.” She responded, crossing her legs and putting her arms behind her head. She doubted it though. The fact that Ritsuko was somehow completely oblivious to Misato’s feelings was still a shock. Every time the two were near each other, Misato felt like her entire face was red and that her heart was beating so loud it could be heard from the other side of the city, even over the occasionally ear-shattering noise of the Evas. Maybe, by some miracle, Shinji was right, and she really was externally composed. Somehow she doubted that.

The escalator finally deposited the car in the parking lot with a soft thump. Misato stretched and kicked it back into drive. She hoped she could get her baby fixed again soon. At this point, the fact that her now twenty-eight year old car was still driving and (usually) in relatively good condition was her main bragging point. She may not be insanely smart like Ritsuko or caring to the point of being an empath like Maya, but her car was the staple of her apartment complex, and honestly? That’s all that really mattered. 

It didn’t take very long to find a spot. Misato grabbed her jacket from the back and stepped out of the car, locking the door behind her. She was hopeful that this time, she wouldn’t lose her way once inside the expansive facility. She’d been here for a month and a half now, after all. She was fairly certain she knew her way around.

---

She was wrong.

“Don’t worry, we’re bound to be getting close to the main elevator soon!” Misato said in an upbeat tone. She was not about to make a fool out of herself in front of the Second Child.

“We’ve passed this place three times now.” Shinji told her flatly. 

“A-are you sure? I mean, everything around here looks pretty similar, so maybe you’re just mistaking!” 

“Considering we’ve passed that door with the huge stripe of rust going through it three times now, I’m relatively certain.”

She was not about to make a fool out of herself in front of the Second Child. 

“Okay, well then maybe you’re right. Shit, what should we do?”

“What about that person you were talking about earlier?” Shinji suggested. “You know, the one person?” 

Calling Ritsuko was not an option. Misato was already positive that the woman thought of her as incapable, and this would do nothing more than strengthen her viewpoint, which was honestly the last thing Misato wanted. But at this rate, there was no telling how long they would keep searching if they didn’t ask for help. 

Okay, maybe calling Ritsuko was an option, just not an option that Misato particularly liked. 

“Fine,” Misato sighed, fishing her cell phone out of her jacket pocket, “But if she looks down on me after this, I’m blaming you, got it?”

If Shinji was at all surprised about Misato revealing the gender of her crush, he didn’t show it. Maybe this new generation was truly more accepting. After all, there were so many more important things to worry about now than people’s sexual orientations. “Thanks,” he said, bowing slightly. “I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Misato winked. She started to type Ritsuko’s number into her phone.

“Oh, and Miss Misato?” She looked back over at him. “I highly doubt she’ll look down on you for this, stop worrying so much.” Misato smiled and nodded. He was right, she knew he was right, but she still couldn’t help herself. 

Ritsuko picked up after only a few rings. “Something the matter?” She asked.

“I’m lost.” Misato said, biting her lip. She heard her friend sigh. 

“Seriously, Misato? You’ve been here for how long now?”

“I’m sorry Rits! It’s not my fault I’m bad with directions. Maybe if you show me then I’ll remember?” She smiled sheepishly. 

Another sigh. “Fine. Where are you right now?”

“Some door with a huge streak of rust going through it.”

“You’re in the main entrance hall. Go forward, then take a right, followed by a left, and then another right. There’ll be an elevator there. I’ll come up and get you, hold on.”

“Thank you, you’re honestly a lifesaver!” 

“No problem, Misato. You know I’d do this for you anytime, as much as I love to complain. Hold on, I should only be three minutes at most. 

“Thank you!” Misato smiled, hanging up. She turned over her shoulder to Shinji, who was watching her curiously. “Should be only a couple of minutes at most, plus, I know the way to the elevator now, which is good!” She flashed him a smile, and he returned one, albeit much smaller and apprehensive. 

They loitered outside of the elevator for a second after arriving. “I know this seems nerve wrecking, but trust me, once you get into the swing of things, it’s not gonna be so bad! After all, I acclimated rather easily, so I have no doubt in mind you’ll be able to as well.”

“Thanks.” Shinjii responded quietly. Misato bit her lip and sighed. She hoped he would come out of his shell soon. She couldn’t really blame him, though, she supposed. He’d been through so much throughout his short life, and moving to such a new place all of a sudden had to be scary and overwhelming.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, and every thought in Misato’s head was thrown out of whack. In front of her stood Ritsuko, of course, but it’s what she was wearing that threw Misato for a loop. Why the ever-living hell she was wearing a swimsuit now of all times was beyond Misato, but in the end, she decided not to question it too much, especially when she looked so goddamn good doing so. She tried her best not to stare, but the way it hugged her hips and dipped in the chest to show a generous amount of cleavage was almost too much for Misato to handle. At the very least, she had her lab coat on over it, but Misato truly couldn’t decide if she loved how it accentuated her arms and shoulders or if she hated that it covered up the sides of her thighs. Somehow, she managed to pull her eyes away from her friend’s body before said woman noticed.

“Thanks a ton Ritsuko, I’m sorry!” Misato cried, entering the elevator, Shinji following on her heels. “I really appreciate this, seriously, I have no clue what I’d do without you. Anyways,” Misato glanced over to the boy, then back to the doctor, “I do believe some introductions are in order?”

“Why of course! I apologize for my lack of manners. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, a pleasure.” Ritsuko smiled, holding her hand out, and the way she was so fucking cute introducing herself to a fourteen year old with the same formality she would use with another doctor made Misato clench her calves up. “I assume you’re Shinji Ikari?”

“Yes, that’s me, ma’am. I look forward to working with you!” Shinji shook her hand, smiling. Eventually, Ritsuko let go, giving Misato her full attention once more. “I’m glad to see you’re okay after everything that happened up there. I was a bit worried.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have been! Come on Ritsuko, do I really seem like the kind of woman who would let something like that be the end of me? Don’t be ridiculous!” 

“Not getting rid of you that easily, I suppose.” Ritsuko said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. 

“You got that much right.” Misato laughed. Ritsuko snorted, reaching into the corner to grab a bag she had set down that Misato had somehow not noticed. The blonde fumbled around a bit, before finally pulling out what she was looking for-- her clothes. 

If Misato was flustered, she was determined not to show it. “I’ll be surprised if you got out of that mess with your car unscathed,” she laughed, pulling her skirt up. Misato felt like she was about to burst, despite the fact that Ritsuko literally had clothes on and they were in an elevator with an actual child. “You never seem to have good luck when it comes to those kinds of things, do you?”

“Guess not, but you can’t really blame me.” Ritsuko pulled her lab coat off to pull her shirt around her shoulders before zipping it up in the front. If Misato hadn’t fake yawned to (unfortunately) momentarily close her eyes, she was certain her face would have morphed into a tomato on the spot. God, she really was a middle school boy at heart, wasn’t she? “Wouldn’t say the damage is horrible this time around, though. Just got a busted fender and a fucked-up driver’s door. Would have been worse if the car landed on a different side than the one it was hit on.”

“That, and you’ve learned to become quite the mechanic with duct tape over the past few months” Ritsuko teased. 

The elevator dinged once more, putting an unfortunate end to the ongoing conversation. The door opened and Ritsuko stood back, holding her hand out. “After you.” She gestured. Shinji fumbled and bowed, while Misato, ever casual, just threw up a peace sign. She saw Ritsuko shake her head, a smile on her face.

Once outside of the elevator, Misato realized that Ritsuko hadn’t taken them to the Bridge like she’d been expecting, rather, they were nearing the bottom of the Geo-Front, the scent of LCL hanging thickly in the air like a curtain. Just to their right was a tall, purple machine that resembled a cross between a humanoid robot and some sort of fantastical creature. Ritsuko led the pair over.

Oh god, we’re really making him get in. As soon as the realization of the reality of the situation caught up to Misato, she felt fear rise up inside of her. This kid had just arrived, and they were really going to be throwing him inside?

As they walked in front of the machine, Shinji began frantically flipping through the welcome book that Misato had given him, undoubtedly looking for some sort of explanation as to what he was seeing. 

“You won’t find this in your handbook.” Ritsuko was the first one to speak. “This, Shinji, is Evangelion Unit-01. This is the reason why you’re here.”

“Wait, what am I supposed to do with it?” Shinji asked, looking at the taller woman frantically.

“You are going to pilot it.” She responded simply. 

“Wait!” Misato felt her lips moving before she had time to stop them. “What do you mean he’s 

going to pilot it? It took Rei over nine months to synchronize with her Eva, and we don’t even have a plugsuit for him yet!”

“Misato, what else are we supposed to do? I’d prefer to avoid having Rei pilot right now, and there isn’t anybody else who’s qualified.”

“You’d call him qualified? He’s fourteen, for christ’s sake!”

“Misato, I-”

“If you have any brains, you’ll get in the robot, Shinji.” A deep, commanding voice rang over the GeoFront, and the three looked up. A few floors above them stood the tall, domineering, man that was the Director of NERV Headquarters, Gendo Ikari. 

“Father…” Shinji seemed rendered immobile for a few seconds, before he finally got control of himself, and managed to continue speaking. “Is this… is this why you wrote to me?” He asked, voice wavering slightly.

“Yes.” Gendo’s reply was concise, but conveyed all that it needed to. 

“B-but I can’t do it! There’s no way I can!”

“Shinji.” Much to her own surprise, Misato spoke up yet again, her lips continuing to move without input from her brain. “You need to pilot the Eva. Please, You remember what it was like out there, right? Don’t you want to try and work to stop that?”

“I…” The boy trailed off. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Fine then. Rei will do it instead.” Gendo glared down at Shinji, and Misato swore she could feel the terror that raced through the young boy’s body at his father’s words. “Make a call down to medical, tell them I need Rei down here as soon as possible.” Gendo relayed some orders through a walkie-talkie or a cell phone or something and walked out of view. Shinji, meanwhile, remained paralyzed in place. 

“I’m sorry, I just… I just don’t think I can do this right now.” Shinji mumbled. Misato sighed, and glanced up at Ritsuko, who had a look on her face that Misato managed to gauge as annoyance. She couldn’t really blame her, though. Ritsuko had just put so much work into trying to fix up the unit, and now her hard work was basically all for nothing. 

“Shinji, at the end of the day, we can’t really force you into anything. But you won’t be of much help if you don’t pilot the Eva eventually.” Shinji was about to respond, but Misato turned around on her heels and started walking back towards the elevator. She didn’t realize Ritsuko wasn’t following her until she got back off of the makeshift bridge. 

The elevator dinged once again, and out of it came some various staff members from the medical department, wheeling along a very injured Rei Ayanami on a stretcher of sorts. The girl, who was Shinji’s age, was already in her plugsuit, albeit with a cast around her right arm and an IV bag stuck into her elbow. Misato gauged Shinji’s reaction as Rei was wheeled past him. He looked shocked, guilty even. Misato still didn’t think that would do anything to change his mind, however.

Suddenly, though, the floor beneath them shook. Misato tried her best to keep her footing, but ended up tripping over herself and falling to the floor. Across the way, she saw Ritsuko meet a similar fate, the papers she was carrying strewn about the place around her. Rei, meanwhile, had fallen off of her stretcher and onto the ground near Shinji, who looked shocked. To Misato’s horror, the bridge beneath the children began to tilt the left. 

“LOOK OUT!” Misato cried, but she worried she was too late. There wasn’t really much either of them could do anyways. 

That is, until Unit-01 arbitrarily reached out its hand and caught the children before they could tumble into the pool of LCL below. Misato was speechless. How the hell did…

“Th-that’s impossible! It isn’t activated, so how on earth did it do that?” Misato looked up and over at Ritsuko, who looked exactly as exasperated as Misato felt. 

“Could it maybe… be protecting him?” Misato asked in return. It sure as hell was a cry to the wind, but without much of an explanation as to how the Eva moved on its own, anything sounded like it could be possible.

Ritsuko was silent for a few seconds, before Shinji spoke, breaking the silence. “I changed my mind, I’ll do it!” Surprised, Misato shifted her attention onto him. He still had the injured Rei in his arms, but the look on his face now was one of determination, as opposed to one of fear. “I’ll pilot the Eva!” Misato glanced over at Ritsuko, who looked dumbfounded. 

“Alright then!” Misato stood up, dusting herself off. “Everybody, you know what to do!” She called out, barking orders to an audience she was unsure of, yet knew would obey. “Get to your stations! The sooner we launch this thing the better!”

The next twenty or so minutes were a rush of people, papers, and orders. Misato headed back up to the bridge and began getting her plans and ideas in order while the Bridge Crew handled Shinji’s entry into the Eva. Bridges moved and alarms whirred as everything got set into place for Unit-01’s maiden sortie. In what seemed like both an instantaneous yet eternal process, Shinji was in the plug, and the Eva was ready to be brought to the launch pad. Next to Misato stood Ritsuko, head held high, and in front of her were the three members of the Bridge Crew: Shigeru Aoba, Makoto Hyuga, and the aforementioned Maya Ibuki. The three were ready, but didn’t do anything without orders, instead sitting at attention, waiting. 

“You guys ready?” Misato asked. They nodded. “How about you?” Misato turned to Ritsuko, who too nodded in affirmation. 

“Whenever you are.” She smiled just slightly, something that calmed Misato down almost irrationally. She returned the doctor’s smile, before turning around to face the upper level of the Central Dogma, and the men who sat at the table there. 

Ikari was there, of course, hands folded in a fashion that was oh-so typical of him, while next to him was his second in command, Kojo Fuyutsuki. Misato knew little about the man other than he was an ex-university professor who specialized in bioengineering, and that he had spent some time with her when she was a kid after everything happened, although she didn’t really remember much of that, if anything. For the most part, he kept to himself and was rarely seen speaking to anybody other than Ikari. Misato didn’t truly have much of an opinion on him.

“Sir, are you ready to do this?” Misato asked, addressing Ikari. He sat in silence for a few seconds, Fuyutsuki mirroring him. Misato held her breath, even though she was relatively positive that she already knew what the answer was going to be. 

“Yes, Captain Katsuragi. I leave this operation to your professional discretion. I’ll step in if need be, but I trust you to do the right thing.”

Misato bowed. “Thank you, sir.” Turning around to face the Central Dogma, Misato took a deep breath, held her head high, and said the words she’d been waiting to say for what felt like forever.

“Ready for launch!”

With Misato’s command, the Eva was moved to the launch pad, and Maya filled it with LCL. Over the intercom, she heard Shinji gasp, trying to hold his breath as the capsule filled with the orange liquid. 

“It’s okay!” Ritsuko called out, “The LCL will filter oxygen into your lungs, so just keep breathing. It will feel a little funny at first, but you’ll be okay in the end, trust me.” 

Shinji listened, and Misato saw his oxygen levels rise on the screen in front of Maya. Once Ritsuko signalled, Hyuga turned a key next to him, and the Eva flew up through the launch tunnel. In a matter of seconds, it was up on the surface above. Now came the hard part.

“Shinji!” Misato called out, “Take the two controllers next to you, and grab them. Move them slowly, and that should get you walking. Can you try to take a couple of steps?

“O-okay!” He responded, doing as Misato commanded. Slowly but surely, Unit-01 began to move forward, much like an elephant.

“It’s walking!” Ritsuko’s voice caught Misato’s attention, and she almost fainted. She looked so ecstatic, the expression on her face was so beautiful Misato was worried she wasn’t going to be able to think.

The only thing that broke her out of her trance was a loud thump, and the picture of the Eva falling over from the screen that sat above the Central Dogma. From the cockpit, Misato heard Shinji groaning. “Shinji! Get it together!” She called out. The boy looked up at his monitor. “You have to get up!” Her warning came a bit too late, though, as the angel finally came into view, approaching the Eva, grabbing it by its left arm and pulling it up. Shinji’s breaths grew pained as the large black angel continued to toy with the appendage. “Shinji calm down, it’s okay! It only feels like your arm is being hurt!” she yelled out.

Ritsuko abandoned her post by Misato’s side, rushing forward to meet Maya. “What are it’s defensive signals?” She asked

“Inactive.” Came the response 

“The field isn’t raised!” Hyuga chimed in. Misato’s eyes grew wide.

“It isn’t working?!” Ritsuko cried. 

All the while, the angel continued to squeeze at the Eva’s arm, until a loud snap rang through HQ, causing Misato to cringe. The Bridge Crew kept calling out status updates, none of which were good, much less so for a pilot’s maiden voyage. Suddenly and without warning, the Angel grabbed onto the Eva’s head, pulling it up to eye level as it began to shoot at the cockpit. 

“Shinji, break loose!” Misato ordered! 

“There’s a fracture in the frontal cranium!” Maya reported

“The armor can’t take much more…” Ritsuko’s voice was laced with fear. All too quickly, the angel threw the Eva against a building, and severed it’s skull, LCL fluid gushing out. The Central Dogma lit up with emergency signs.

“Severe skull damage, severity unknown!” Aoba cried. Shit, if things keep up like this, we won’t be able to do much to defeat the angel! 

“We’re losing neuron signals! The pilot’s gone unresponsive!”

“SHINJI!” Misato screamed. She whipped around, turning to face Maya. “Report?” She asked, breathless.

Maya began sputtering out something about Shinji’s neurons not synching to the Eva correctly-- something Misato got a feeling was technical speak for ‘he’s fucked’ . Leaving her to Ritsuko, who would actually understand what the young woman was talking about in greater detail, Misato instead turned over to Hyuga. “What’s Shinji’s status?”

“No biometric signs. Shutting down Unit-01.” Shit. 

“Misato!” Ritsuko cried. 

Misato took a deep breath, eyebrows furrowing. She wasn’t about to let things end like this, they couldn’t end like this. “Fine,” she spat, “Abort the operation! Pilot rescue should be top priority!”

“I can’t! The plug is completely unresponsive!” Maya yelled from across the Bridge. 

“What?!” 

Misato stood frozen in space for a few seconds. She knew she needed to think of something, and fast. She just hadn’t expected things to go so horribly wrong so quickly. Maybe Shinji could try manually jumping down? But he was up pretty high, and there was no way a fall from that height wouldn’t kill him. Were they completely fucked?

“The Eva’s re-activated!” Maybe not.

“What?! That’s impossible, it should be shut off!” Maya sounded exasperated, and truthfully, Misato was right there with her, but for now, they didn’t have time to ponder such things; all that mattered was that Shinji was most likely going to be okay. Ritsuko and the rest of the technology department could run a report later. Hey, maybe Misato could even help, be Ritsuko’s right-hand man, run errands for her, brew her some coffee, put her hands over Ritsuko’s when she was fixing a number or something…

Fucking hell, get it together Misato! You can fantasize about flirting with her later, you have much more important things to focus on right now, you dimwit! 

 Looking up at the screen, Misato saw the Eva’s eyes glowing, before it let out an ear-shattering roar, a sound that no machine nor human should be capable of making. 

“Has it gone berserk?” She whispered. She didn’t have much time to ponder the thought, however, as Unit-01 leapt up from it’s place against the building and fell down on top of the angel. The two struggled for a bit, the Eva’s back bending abnormally as it tried its best to pin the fantastical creature to the ground.  Luckily, it succeeded. The angel lay on the ground stunned, and the Eva began rushing toward it.

“We’ve won.” Fuyutsuki declared from the upper Central Dogma. Misato began to feel hopeful, and she saw a similar sentiment pass over her coworkers faces. That is, until…

“An A.T. Field?!”’

“It’s useless!” Misato called out, watching as the barrier held Unit-01 back from delivering it’s final blow to the angel. “As long as that thing has it’s A.T. Field deployed, we can’t touch the angel! You know this!”

“Left-arm restored!” Aoba called out. 

“Amazing!” Misato responded, transfixed. She watched, frozen to her spot, as the Eva, with its new arm, stood back up and began manually prying the A.T. Field open. Is it… actually going to succeed? That’s impossible though! How on earth…

“Unit-01’s also raised an A.T. Field!” Maya’s voice broke Misato’s concentration on her inner monologue, and she turned to face the younger woman once more. “It looks like the angel’s phase space is being neutralized!”

“No, not neutralizing, it’s corroding it.” Ritsuko corrected uneasily. Misato’s eyes flew to the screen once more, watching the Eva force its opponent’s A.T. Field open, much like one would when trying to prevent an elevator door from closing. It only took a few seconds for it to be successful.

“It tore through that A.T. Field like it was nothing…” Another bubble of unease began to rise up through Misato. Without anything in its way, Unit-01 took a running start at the angel, pushing it to the ground and sliding a couple thousand yards amidst a sudden beam of light in the shape of a cross. (Where did that come from?)  Once friction kicked in, the Eva let out another roar, tearing the angel apart at the seams. It looked like it was going to be successful, especially after it picked up a piece of a building and began pounding away at one of the angel’s eyes. The ground fell out from underneath it, though, when the angel managed to lunge forward, wrapping itself around Unit-01’s head. 

“Is it self-destructing?” Misato called out to nobody in particular. Another light began emanating from the two ethereal beings as they remained locked in the strangest dance, but Misato couldn’t tell which one was its source. It didn’t matter much though, as within a few seconds, a bright white light covered the cameras as another loud explosion shook the ceiling. Meanwhile, the command crew stood still, seemingly unable to bring themselves to move. As the dust settled, Misato was the first to speak yet again. 

“What happened to the Eva?!”

The question answered itself as video returned to the Central Dogma’s feed. The cityscape was an eerie red, and amidst the broken buildings, walked Eva Unit-01. It marched slowly and methodologically towards NERV, like a soldier exiting a bloody and drainy battle. Terror gripped Misato in a way that it hadn’t in years.

So that’s the Eva’s true form.

--

Shinji had been found unconscious inside of a once again inactive Unit-01 once recon teams went up to the surface. Reports were filed as quickly as they could be, and Gendo had half the mind to tell Misato that she had done well, in his own condescending way. Shinji was brought to Medical to be monitored, and the staff was told it was going to be another night spent at headquarters until it was deemed safe to go up. With all of the tasks for the night mostly completed, Misato was with Ritsuko in the latter’s office. 

“Before you start, can we please talk about anything other than work right now?” Misato asked, sighing, “If all of this hadn't gone down, we’d be drinking at a bar right now, not here, so can we at least bring the atmosphere of one?” She asked, sitting down in a chair adjacent to Ritsuko’s desk. 

“What, you want me to dim the lights and play shitty jazz?” Ritsuko laughed, sitting on her desk. She’d taken her tights off, and her legs looked really good crossed like that. Much like in the elevator earlier, Misato had to keep reminding herself that she couldn’t keep staring at the woman, despite how perfect she was. 

“I mean, if you want. What’s the harm, in all honesty? If you pull a video up from the web or something, at least your window will go opaque.” she huffed. “Seriously, who the fuck designed this place and thought it was a good idea to give an office like this a huge ass bay window? Seems like a recipe for distraction and snooping, to me.”

“I honestly don’t mind it that much, it’s nice. Reminds me I’m not alone on the days I’m stuck all cooped up in here.” Ritsuko projected a maroon background onto the screens and started playing some music. “There. Better now?”

“Very much so.” Misato affirmed, although she was now beginning to regret her choice in asking Ritsuko to set the office up like this. Despite how similar it was to the bar that they frequented, having the same atmosphere in a place as intimate as Ritsuko’s office just made Misato feel like the two of them were on a date. There was no harm in that by itself, if anything, Misato liked it, it was just beginning to test her patience in regard to how long she could keep her thoughts regarding Ritsuko to herself. God knew she wasn’t exactly the best at hiding how she really felt, she was about as open of a book as they come, but the fact that they were going to be drinking together when Ritsuko’s office was set up like this was a bit worrying.

“Anyways, what’s on the menu for tonight?” Misato sure as hell wouldn’t be worrying if she was at least somewhat intoxicated, and considering how much of a lightweight she was, Misato decided to throw caution to the wind. Surely, she wouldn’t be that stupid tonight. Please, don’t make a fool out of me, she silently pleaded to her drunk self.

“Just some vodka, nothing fancy, so sorry in advance if that was what you were hoping for.” Ritsuko reached into one of the big bottom drawers littered around her u-shaped desk, pulling out the alcohol in question, along with two glasses. “Don’t go crazy, ideally tonight won’t end with you throwing up, remember that we’re gonna be sleeping in here.”

“Yeah, yeah, now shut up and let me drink, God knows I need it after the shit storm that was today.” Misato reached her hand out, and Ritsuko twisted the cap off of the bottle pouring two glasses of the clear liquid before handing it to Misato, who thanked her before taking a healthy swig.

“Hell yeah, that hits the spot right about now.” Misato sighed. 

Ritsuko took a sip of her drink and looked at Misato, curiosity filling up her grey-green eyes. “I’m more than willing to hear you out, if that would be helpful, I just know you said you didn’t really want to talk about work right now.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” Misato sighed. “I highly doubt it’s anything that you aren’t already aware of. Today’s just been a lot.”

“I mean, from the angel attacking unexpectedly, to convincing Shinji to pilot, to that whole thing with the Eva, I’m not really surprised.” Ritsuko set her glass down next to her. “You did really well though, Misato. Not just anybody could have handled that as well as you did, and I mean it. You should be proud of yourself.” 

Misato felt her face growing red, and she hoped that Ritsuko wouldn’t think anything of it, considering that they were drinking and being bathed in crimson light from her monitors. Ritsuko doling out praise was relatively uncommon, and Misato couldn’t remember the last time the doctor had complimented her on a job well done. It was endearing, in a way. Her heart began to beat faster, thumping against her ribcage and threatening to burst through like a bird from its cage. Why am I getting so worked up over something as insignificant as this? Am I really this useless when I’m around her?

“Thanks Rits, that means…” Misato trailed off. “That means a lot, actually, Thanks, seriously. It’s stupid how much this means to me.” 

“Seems like the alcohol is already hitting you.” Ritsuko laughed. Misato bit her cheek. Sure, she definitely wasn’t going to be sober for much longer (hard liquor did have a way of hitting her fast), but she still meant every word she had said. Of course, Ritsuko didn’t necessarily believe that Tipsy Misato was necessarily Truthful Misato, and honestly, the latter couldn’t blame her. Misato did have a hard time talking about her feelings honestly, except for when she was drunk off her ass. She could always argue, and insist that her words were sincere.

“I guess so.” Or she could lie, which seemed a lot easier, as if there was one thing that Tipsy Misato was not, it was put-together and good at crafting lies. 

“If you’re already tipsy, I might just make the executive decision that this will be your only glass.” Ritsuko teased.

“Why’s that? Because you don’t feew wike taking cawe of me?” Misato cood, leaning forward slightly, “You know, I’m not that hard to manage.”

“Misato, I’ve known you for how long now, I’m calling bullshit.”

“Fiiiiiine.” Misato conceded, grabbing her glass and gulping down the remaining liquid before burping loudly, causing Ritsuko to roll her eyes. “I’ll stop, but only because I don’t wanna cause any problems for you.”

“I appreciate it, Misato, thank you.” Ritsuko smiled. She grabbed her glass and took another sip. She looked beautiful, she was like a magnet. Briefly, Misato considered just walking up to Ritsuko and pecking her on the lips, blaming it on the alcohol, but before the thought had even finished forming, she knew it was a bad idea. 

“You’re really pretty.” Instead, Misato chose to settle on something in the middle: an unorthodox comment that was sincere, but she could blame on the vodka. 

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, taking another drink from her glass. “Where did that come from all of a sudden?” she laughed. It sounded like bells.

“What, I’m not allowed to compliment my friend?” Misato pouted, “I think that’s bullshit.”

“I think you’re tipsy.” Ritsuko countered. “Thank you, though.”

“You make looking good after a long day easy. What’s your secret?” 

“Swimming in LCL for repairs.” Ritsuko joked. 

“Guess I’ll have to start doing that more often. We could make an event out of it or something, both of us just dicking around.”

“You act like that wouldn’t be a problem. Sorry to break it to you, Misato, but NERV’s an organization, it’s not a summer camp. We can’t just go around doing whatever we want.”

“Who made up that rule?” Misato grumbled in faux-annoyance. 

“SEELE’s my guess, if you have any complaints go to them.”

“No thank you, I’d very much rather die than go and face that council of dickwads.” 

Misato had only had contact with SEELE a few times, and every time she hated it. She despised how the men of the council just hid themselves in those computer monitors whenever they didn’t want to be seen, and she despised how Gendo just didn’t seem to mind even more. As far as Misato was aware, all the members were major dicks who only cared about guiding the different branches of NERV with their fight against the angels only for their own personal financial gains. She wondered why the Marduk Institute never reigned their salaries in. Maybe it was because they were worried that the council would go rogue or just refuse to do their job if they weren’t rendered millionaires. Typical greedy men.

The two sat in silence for a bit, and Misato watched Ritsuko finish her drink. The urge to kiss her was still just as strong as earlier, but Misato knew she would hold herself back, if only because she was beginning to doze off. 

Ritsuko must have noticed, because turned the music off and hopped down from her desk, landing on her feet with a gentle thump that stirred Misato’s eyed open. “Don’t fall asleep just yet, at least let me lay out a sheet for you.” She walked over to her duffle bag in the corner, pulling out a clear drawstring bag with her swimsuit from earlier in it, along with a few sheets and pillows she had managed to stuff in. Misato’s eyes followed her. “I think I have a nightgown or something in here you can borrow, I can just sleep in this.” She held up her swimsuit, and Misato thought her brain was going to burst out of her skull. 

“No, don’t worry about it, seriously. I was about to fall asleep right here, I can sleep in this dress.” Misato insisted. Sure, Ritsuko wearing that suit again would be hot, but that was precisely the problem. Misato wasn’t sure if they were going to be sharing a bed like in the movies or what, but no matter the situation, she couldn’t trust herself to not do something stupid if it was just the two of them and Ritsuko was in that . 

“If you’re sure.” Ritsuko said, looking into the bag again, smiling triumphantly as she pulled out the nightgown. “I don’t mean to be a bother, especially considering the fact that you’re tired and tipsy, but would you mind lying down a sheet on the floor with those pillows? It’ll be a bit hard still, but I’d prefer to have at least something between us and the floor.” Ritsuko unzipped her shirt, pulling it off of her shoulders, and Misato nearly had a heart attack. Frozen in place, she just stared as her skirt followed. She heard the alarm bells in her head screaming that this isn’t a good idea you need to look away now before she notices something is up, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. Frozen in place, Misato just took in Ritsuko’s well-toned back and her long legs. All too soon, the nightgown covered it up again, and Misato was tempted to stand up and rip it back off again. 

Ritsuko turned around, and upon noticing Misato staring off into space, grew concerned. “Everything alright Misato?” she asked, and the purple-haired woman sprang back to life like Unit-01 had earlier that day. 

“Y-yeah! Sorry, let me get that sheet spread out now.” Misato hopped up and headed towards the linens on the desk.

“You sure? If you’re tired, feel free to just stay there, I can do it.”

“No, don’t it’s fine, really.” Misato would just feel guilty if she left Ritsuko to do the work while she herself had too busy ogling the woman in question. Picking up the sheets, Misato spread one out on the ground, liking the way Ritsuko’s hair blew in the slight breeze that shaking the sheet caused. She dropped both pillows down on the makeshift bed and kept the other sheet bundled up under her arm. 

“I appreciate it.” Ritsuko said, lying down. 

“No problem.” Misato responded, joining her on the ground, “Let’s get some sleep.” With how fast her heart was beating, Misato would be pleasantly surprised if she did.

“Sounds good to me.” Misato felt Ritsuko shuffle onto her side, and felt slightly disappointed that Ritsuko wasn’t going to be facing her in her sleep, although it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. “Good night, Misato.”

“Goodnight, sleep well!” Misato chimed happily. She too turned to face away from Ritsuko, and tried to get her heart rate to decrease just enough that she could fall asleep. There would always be time to irrationally obsess over her little crush on the blonde doctor in the morning.

When she finally did doze off, her sleep was thankfully dreamless.

Chapter Text

Recon that morning had been a lot more difficult than Misato had been hoping. For starters, she and Ritsuko had had to wake up around six am (much earlier than she had been hoping) and on a breakfast of only rice and coffee (Thank God for Ritsuko’s seeming obsession with the stuff) they had set out, collecting info on everything that had gone down. After a taxing couple of hours, they had gathered all the info that they needed, and Misato sat in one of NERV’s many trucks with her friend. She had insisted on driving, but Ritsuko had further insisted that Misato just sit back, saying that with how quickly the woman got drunk the night before, it probably wasn’t the best idea.

“You sure you don’t have any idea about what the fuck happened yesteday?” Mistato asked, taking another drink of coffee. She was still exhausted.

“Nope. I have absolutely no idea what went on there. We’re gonna be running some tests today to see if that could, at the very least, put us on the right path, but at the moment, I’m doubtful it’ll lead anywhere.”

“Some things just don’t have easy answers, do they?” Misato sighed.

“Or answers at all.” Ritsuko bit her lip, and Misato had half the mind to think she was adorable. “Anyways, my turn to ask you questions now: any word on Shinji?”

“Medical says he’s stable, but they don’t know exactly when he’ll wake up. Estimates are running anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks.”

“Well, at the very least, they think he’ll wake up. That’s good, right?” Ritsuko asked.

“I suppose.” Misato made a tsk -ing sound with her lips. “You’re pretty good at looking on the bright side of things, aren’t you, Rits?”

“Not sure if I’d label it a strong suit of mine, but I won’t stop you from doing so, if you feel so inclined.” she laughed, glancing over at Misato momentarily. “You know, I do suppose that others tend to make better judges of your own character than yourself, so maybe you’re right.”

“Oh, stop going all philosophical on me, God knows I’m not that smart!” Misato joked, leaning back in her seat.

“I beg to differ. You couldn’t be where you are today if you weren’t smart.” Misato felt like her heart was about to burst. Another compliment from Ritsuko in less than twelve hours, what was this, her lucky day? She felt her face go red a bit, and the urge to hide her blush fizzed up through her. 

Ritsuko noticed Misato’s embarrassment, and laughed, something that just deepend the crimson on Misato’s face. “Oh come on, it’s the truth! Let me be nice to you, Misato.”

The phone rang, surprising both women. Ritsuko pulled the truck over, and reached out to answer it. “Dr. Akagi.” 

Whoever was on the other line spoke a sentence or two, and Ritsuko’s face lit up, a sight as beautiful as the sun breaking through the clouds. “That’s wonderful! Does he want anybody to come and visit?” More momentarily silence, followed by another reply. “Well, I’m sure somebody will come anyways. Thank you for the news.” She hung up, and then turned to face Misato once more. “That was Medical. Shinji’s awake, and he’s doing well, apparently.”

A mixture of elation and relief filled Misato’s chest. “That’s wonderful! He remembers everything? He’s not in too much pain?”

“They said he’s doing just fine. Definitely a weight off of my shoulders, the less kids that have to get hurt, definitely the better.”

“God, I think I’m gonna go and see him, you mind?” Misato felt guilty leaving Ritsuko, but at the moment, she was very much preoccupied with the knowledge that Shinji was okay. Knowing that the doctor felt the same way did alleviate some of the guilt that came with leaving, at the very least.

“I imagine he’ll be happy, you’re really the only person he’s gotten to talk to so far, after all.”

“I just hope he feels relieved, at the very least. He went through a lot yesterday.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be that long of a drive, maybe three minutes at most, I imag-”

“Oh, don’t you even worry about it, we’re close enough that I can walk!” Mistao smiled.

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna take any time away from you, you have important work to do, after all!” Was it just her imagination, or did Ritsuko look slightly disappointed?

“Okay then. Stay safe, see you soon.” 

“See ya!” Misato hopped out of the truck and watched as her friend pulled away, before beginning the short walk back to HQ. She was really relieved that Shinji was alright, he seemed like an amazing kid from what she had seen, and he certainly deserved to be okay, that much was a given.

True to her word, it didn’t take long to reach the Geofront at all, and within ten minutes, Mistao was knocking on Shinji’s door.

“Come in.” Came the response. Misato slid the door open and stepped in, turning to face Shinji. He looked over at her as he entered, wearing his hospital gown and lying on top of the blankets. As far as she could tell, he was doing alright. “Hello, Miss Misato.” Shinji gave her a slightly stiff smile, and Misato felt relieved. It looked like he was doing okay.

“Feeling alright?” she double checked, sitting down in a chair to his right. 

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry. That was a lot, but, I did what I had to.”

“And you did it well. Surprisingly so, honestly.” Misato swung her legs, looking around the mostly-empty room. “Think they’re gonna let you out today, which is good! I’m sure your dad will be delighted to have some company at home. Between the two of us, I think it’ll really put him in a better mood overall, he seems lonely.”

“Oh, I’m not going to be living with my father! Sorry if you were under the impression that I was, I probably should have told you earlier, in all honesty. I’m gonna be on my own. Don’t worry though, everything will be perfectly fine!”

Misato was shocked, had she heard him correctly? “Perfectly fine? Shinji, you’re fourteen! I sure as hell couldn’t have taken care of myself at that age.” Honestly, it’s debatable if I can even now.

“Seriously, don’t worry, Miss Misato!  I used to live with my old history teacher, and I took care of myself. I’m surprisingly capalable, so seriously, please don’t worry. I’ll keep showing up and doing what I need to do, I’ll go to school, I’ll deal with my groceries, it’s nothing new.”

“Nothing new?! Shinji, can you just enjoy being a kid? You shouldn’t have to worry about things like those at this age.”

“Miss Misato, I’m telling you, it’s nothing I can’t do.”

“Sorry, I don’t really wanna hear it.” Misato stood up and headed for the door, before pausing and turning back around. “I’m not mad at you, don’t worry, I just don’t think it’s acceptable that you have to do all of this on your own.”

Closing the door behind her a bit harder than she meant to, Misato started off down the hall, leaving the Medical Department and calling the elevator to take her up to the Central Dogma. It was irrational, the anger she felt, but she nonetheless wanted to fight for Shinji. Maybe it was because she wanted him to have the childhood she never had? No, on second thought, that sounded way too sentimental and cliché, neither of which were things Misato particularly wanted to be. She reaffirmed that it was probably just because she was a decent human being, whether or not that was the true reason, she chose to ignore.

Once Misato had reached Gendo’s office, she knocked on the door, three hard, loud raps. Whatever he was in the middle of could wait. Not waiting for a response, she entered, closing the door behind her, this time hard on purpose.

“Katsuragi.” Gendo sat behind his desk, not doing much of anything, from the looks of it. 

Misato stepped towards him, anger irrationally building up inside her. “Sir, with all due respect, what the hell are you thinking, letting Shinji live on his own? Not only is he fourteen years old, for one, he’s also your own son. Seriously, has being a decent father never once crossed your mind?!”

“I’m simply doing what I believe would be best for him, Katsuragi. He can’t spend his entire life being coddled.”

“ He can’t spend his entire life -- oh, give me a break! If he was seventeen or eighteen, I could somewhat agree with you, but this boy is a second year in middle school, for Christ’s sake! I’m sorry, but you’re an idiot if you think this is what’s best for him.”

“Well, it is.”

“Do you know what he said to me when he listed out the shit he does for himself, shit that I and about ninety percent of the population weren’t doing until they were in college? ‘It’s nothing new.’ That’s what he said, Commander, ‘it’s nothing new’. You’ve already put this kid through so much, what with basically being absent his whole life, but you couldn’t even bother to give him room in your own home? Have you ever once stopped and thought about what it would be like if your parents did this to you?”

“How I would’ve reacted is not important, for I am not Shinji, and he is not me.”

“Exactly, then you can’t gauge how Shinji’s been affected by all of this, because he isn’t you .”

Gendo sighed heavily, looking at Misato with annoyance so thick she could practically feel it. “Katsuragi, if this matters so much to you, why don’t you take him in? I know for a fact you have the room, and I’m willing to give you an allowance of thirty thousand yen a month to spend on him. Sound like a deal?”

“Absolutely! God knows he’ll be in better care with me than on his own.”

“Then it’s settled. I’ll get the paperwork together tomorrow so you can sign on to become his official guardian. For now, go and break the news to him yourself, and just take the rest of the day off, while you’re at it. His boxes are in storage here right now, but I can arrange for them to be dropped off at your place tonight or tomorrow, the latter being more likely.” Gendo sighed, furrowing his brows. “If that’s all, Katsuragi, I would very much appreciate it if you left my office, I have many matters I must attend to.”

“Understood. Thank you sir.” Misato had half the mind to bow slightly, before pivoting on her heel and leaving the room. The gravity of what she had just accepted didn’t fully hit her until she heard the heavy iron door thump shut behind her.

Shit, did I really just agree to become Shinji’s new guardian? 

“Well, no matter!” Misato said allowed, surprising herself by her confidence for the situation. She was actually looking forward to her new living arrangement. Being on her own had been kind of lonely, and PenPen would certainly enjoy the new company. Maybe this really would be fun.

--

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Ritsuko, come on! I’ve got this! Plus, Shinji’s really happy about it, and a roommate means that I can get help cleaning and cooking and such!”

“Misato, he’s fourteen fucking years old. He shouldn’t have to clean and cook. I thought the whole reason you were taking him in in the first place was so he wouldn’t have to do things like that, anyways?”

“I meant all of it. If he was living with his dad, he’d still have chores to do, right? So what’s the difference here?”

“Misato, I really just don’t know if this is the best thing for you . I admire your dedication and how much you care, though, but you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t worry about it, come on! And don’t worry, it’s not like I’m going to ‘put the moves’ on some kid!”

“Of course you won’t! What the hell are you thinking, saying this kind of stuff? Misato, you have to be careful, jesus-
“She never could take a joke.” Misato told Shinji, smiling half heartedly. Ritsuko was still yelling over the phone, but Misato chose to ignore it. “Okay, I have to go, bye~!” She called out, hanging up.

“Is she worried or something?” Shinji asked, rocking side to side.

“Yeah, but I can’t exactly blame her. I haven’t had the best track record of even being able to care for myself until fairly recently, so I understand her concerns.”

“Well, no matter what, I’ll pull my weight, I promise.” Shinji said earnestly. Misato smiled.

“Thanks. I have no doubt in mind that you will.” she sighed, stretching. “Anyways, I definitely think it’s about time we head out to do some grocery shopping! I don’t have a ton at home at the moment, and I’d love to know what it is you want around the house. We can pick shit out together, and then we can head home and fuck around, sound like a deal?”

Shinji smiled again, and Misato felt her heart warm. “Sure.”

--

The pair spent a lot longer going shopping than either of them had anticipated. About five stores down and roughly twenty thousand yen poorer, Misato had stopped at a corner store, picking up some beer. Realistically, she knew that she had more than enough, but she could never seem to shake the urge to buy more. Shinji didn’t seem to mind, at the very least. He perused some magazines in a corner, right near where two housewives were gossiping about the people who were moving away. Deep down, Misato couldn’t really blame them-- living in a fortress city like Tokyo-3 was hard, what with all the attacks and the drills and the constant possibility of death. It was always a shame to see people leave, but considering all the hardships they had suffered, maybe it was for the best.

The cashier finally finished ringing her up, and Misato ushered Shinji over. “Thanks for waiting.” she smiled as the pair left the store, walking over to and getting into Misato’s car. “I know I’ve dragged you around all day, but there is one more thing I’d like to show you before we get home, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, totally.” Shinji responded. He looked tired. Maybe the events of the past forty-eight hours were beginning to catch up to him? 

The car ride was mostly silent, save for the radio playing eighties music on low volume. Shinji didn’t ask any questions, nor did Misato. She hummed along to the radio below her breath, enjoying the feeling of the late-afternoon sun shining on her through the windows.

Once they reached their destination -- a dugout on the side of a cliff overlooking the city-- Shinji looked rather confused. “Is this where you wanted to bring me?” he asked. Misato nodded, climbing out of the car, and the boy followed.

“It shouldn’t be much longer now.” Misato assured him, checking her watch. Shinji stood by her side, admiring the setting sun. Misato was hopeful that he would enjoy what was to come.

As the clock struck five, the show began. A couple of sirens went off in the city below, as a loud mechanical noise started up. All of a sudden, hundreds of metal buildings began rising out of the ground, towering over everything else in sight. Misato spared a glance over at Shinji, who looked starstruck. “Yeah, the raising of the barriers gets me like this everytime too. No matter how many times you see it, it always just fills you with this sense of awe, you know? It truly is a sight to behold.

“This, Shinji, is Tokyo-3,” Misato continued on, “This is the city that you helped to protect last night. I know it was hard, but think about the countless lives you saved by so bravely fighting for us. Think about the buildings that are only standing because you fought that angel. Think about the fact that if it weren’t for you, these shields would rise with nobody to protect, with nobody to watch them rise up every evening. This, Shinji, is your new home, and it both welcomes you and thanks you. Living here may not be easy, but it’s worthwhile, trust me on that. Tonight is only the beginning. Who knows what wonderful things you’re going to achieve while you’re living here? So, Shinji Ikari, on behalf of every man, woman, and child who lives and works here in Tokyo-3, I’d like to extend our deepest gratitude. You’re this city’s hero. Promise me that you’ll always remember that.”

Shinji looked over at Misato, mouth slightly open, eyes wide, faced flushed. “Do you… really mean all of that?” he asked timidly.

“Every word.” she affirmed.

Shinji stared back out over the city, and for the first time since they had met, Misato saw him smile sincerely. 

--

“Um, please excuse me…”

It wasn’t that surprising that getting Shinji inside was going to be hard. What with how polite he was, Misato was honestly a bit shocked that he hadn’t apologized when she dropped her keys. 

“Shinji, nonsense, this is your home now, don’t act like you’re intruding on something when you’re not. I promise, you’ll always be welcome here, no matter what, okay?”

“Okay, uh, well…” The boy stumbled over his words once more, before sheepishly looking up at Misato. “I-I’m home!” he said, stepping into the doorway. Misato smiled, following him in. 

“Alrighty! Well, welcome home! My landlady told me she let some guys from NERV in so that they could drop you stuff in your room, which is gonna be down the hall and to the right. In the meantime, I’m gonna go change real quick. I’ll be right back, so don’t you fret!” Misato slipped her boots off and hurried into her room, where she quickly took off her dress and threw on a tank top and some sorts, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

“Hey Miss Misato, what’s in that other freezer?” Shinji called out.

“Don’t worry about it, he’ll probably be out soon!” she responded. PenPen was usually asleep right now, she didn’t wanna wake him up and have him be cranky for his first time meeting Shinji. 

Misato hurried out of her room and found Shinji waiting for her at the table. She slid down across from him and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen that were lying there. “Okay, first thing’s first, we should probably split up our chores. The sooner we get that out of the way, the quicker we can get to fucking around!” she smiled, quickly jotting down a list of everything that needed to get done. “Now, in my humble opinion, the best way we can split this up is with an old fashioned game of rock-paper-scissors! I mean, think about it: it’s fun, it’s fair, and it’s easy, what more could you want out of life?” 

Shinji looked at her in confusion, but nodded nonetheless. “Okay then.” He agreed

Twenty games of rock-paper-scissors later, all the chores were split up relatively evenly (well, if fourteen for Shinji and six for Misato was even), and Misato had grabbed a beer, opening it up and chugging it down as quick as she could. Could you really blame her, though? She had spent all day going shopping and all of last night sharing a bed with the woman she had a huge crush on and couldn’t do anything with. The least she could do was not be sober. 

Finishing her drink, Misato let out a really loud screech, finally beginning to feel relaxed. “Hoo, now that’s what I’m talking about! I’m telling you, Shinji, a nice beer is the absolute best way you can start the day!” 

“It’s six at night though…”

“Oh, come on, you know what I mean, loosen up a little!”

“Yes ma’am.”

Ma’am? Who the hell did this kid think he was, the prince of Nigeria? “God, it’s always ‘yes ma’am’ this and ‘yes ma’am’ that with you, Shinji, My God, can you loosen up, a bit?” Leaning across the table, she began to noogie the top of his head, laughing. “You’re a guy, aren’t you? Come on, just kick back and relax! Let out a really loud burp or something, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

“Um, I don’t think so…” he trailed off.

“Jesus Christ, Shinji, if you keep acting so goddamn formal, I’m gonna have to tear you a new one, got it?” Shinji shrunk up a bit at her words, and Misato realized she had gone too far. “I’m sorry. Look, why don’t you just go and take a bath? After all, bathing is the best way to wash away all the cares in the world!” 

“Sure, sounds like a plan.” Shinji stood up from the table, bowing. “If you’ll excuse me.” He disappeared down the hall, and Misato began worrying again. Jeez, did I come off too strong? Probably. To be fair, modesty and calmness have never really been my strong suits. 

Misato sighed, banging her head on the table. Shit, maybe Ritsuko was right, and I’m really not cut out for this. The last thing I wanna do is give this kid a dysfunctional home life, but it seems like that’s exactly what I’m doing. Misato reached over and opened up another beer. Oh well, nothing getting drunk couldn’t fix.

“M-M-MISS MISATO!!!” The sound of the door to the bathroom opening startled Misato up, and she came face to face with Shinji, who, from the looks of it, was pretty much ready for his bath.

“Hm? What’s up?” she asked.

“T-T-THERE’S A… THERE’S A…”

“There’s a what?”

“THERE’S A… CREATURE! A CREATURE OF SOME KIND THAT’S-”

Pushing Shinji to the side, PenPen walked out of the bathroom from behind him, headed back over to his freezer. “Oh, I almost forgot! That’s PenPen, he’s your other roommate.”

“Roommate? Wha..” Shinji calmed down a bit, and glanced back over at PenPen, and then Misato. “What is he, though?”

“He’s a warm-water penguin. I don’t remember the exact kind off the top of my head, though.”

“A penguin? Wh-what’s a penguin?!”

“A bird. They can’t fly, but they have wings, so that’s what they’re classified as.”

“That thing’s a bird? No way, that’s impossible, no bird looks like that!”

“They used to be found around the South Pole before the Second Impact,” Misato explained, taking another sip of her beer, “He’s really intelligent, but he’s friendly, so there’s nothing to worry about!” Relief flooded the boy’s face. “Oh, and Shinji?” Misato called out.

“Yeah?”
“You might wanna cover up.” 

Looking down, it then finally dawned on Shinji that he was naked. Turning redder than Misato’s jacket, Shinji quickly covered himself up and slammed the door shut, leaving Misato alone once again as PenPen headed into his freezer. Misato leaned back and sighed for what felt like the eightieth time that day. Well, that had gone a lot worse than she had hoped. Was the entire world stacked against her? God, she felt like she was overreacting about everything, but at the same time, she was tired and overwhelmed. It was embarrassing, how much Misato was annoyed and upset and exhausted, but having to face those feelings sounded like the ugliest thing in the world. Misato much preferred getting drunk off her ass. She crossed her fingers that the alcohol would actually hit her tonight.

--

Misato sighed,sinking below the warm water in the bathtub. Unfortunately for her, it looked like the most the alcohol would affect her this time would be just enough to get her tipsy. At the very least, that gave her the courage to do things she wouldn’t normally do.

Why am I doing this? She asked herself, dialing the number on the house phone. Half of her hoped she would pick up, and the other half hoped it would go straight to voicemail.

“Hey Misato, what’s up?”

The first half of her won out yet again. “Heya Rits, is now a bad time?”

“Of course not, something on your mind?”

“What, can I not just call my best friend to talk to her sometimes?”

“No, I’m not saying that, and you know it. Stop being such a smart ass.”

“Fine, fine. Anyways, today’s been, wow. ”

“I’d say ‘wow’ is an understatement,” Ritsuko laughed, and Misato felt herself going redder than Shinji had earlier. “How’s he settling in, by the way?”

“Fine, I think. He’s pretty quiet, but hey, some people are just introverted like that. He’s in his room right now doing God knows what, but hey, am I really one to pry?”

“Yes.” Ritsuko responded sarcastically, and Misato rolled her eyes. 

“God, you should’ve seen how he reacted to PenPen. Poor kid freaked out so much he ran out of the bathroom naked and didn’t even realize until I brought it up.”

“Things are going well with the new lover then.” Ritsuko teased, and Misato pouted. 

“First off, you know how I feel about men, no way in hell I could ever date one, and second of all, even if I did, he’s a literal child, Ritsuko.”

“Let me joke around, Misato.” She heard a chair squeak and some papers shuffle in the background.

“You didn’t seem to like when I made a similar joke earlier today.” she retorted. 

Ritsuko laughed. “I was just really surprised, that’s all. Speaking of which, I’m sorry about what I said. I know you can take care of him, I just can’t help but worry. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Don’t even worry about it. I appreciate your concern, if anything.”

“Good to know.” More shuffling from Ritsuko’s end.

“God, are you still at work? What does Gendouche have you doing, measuring every corner with a protractor or something?”

She heard Ritsuko sigh. “Yeah, I’m still here, but it’s of my own volition. I’ve got a lot of work I need to get caught up on, what with my attention today mostly having gone to doing some reports on Unit-01. It’s nothing new, not the end of the world.”

“God, I wish you were here with me right now instead of still at the stupid Geofront.” Misato kicked a little bit of water around with her right foot, enjoying the temperature difference between the water and the air.

“And just where are you right now? I can hear water, are you in the bath or something?”

Fuck. Tipsy Misato really was not good at thinking before she spoke, was she? Normally, she’d talk her way out of it, but Tipsy Misato wasn’t exactly the best at critical thinking. 

“Yeah. Why, is that a problem?” One thing she was good at, however, was bravery.

“Well, I definitely don’t wanna overstep my bounds.”

“You? Overstepping bounds? I don’t think there’s such a thing.”

“I’m flattered,” Ritsuko giggled, “Well, at the very least, is the water warm? That’s the main thing that would get me in.”

“Well, lucky for you, it is, and very much so. Come over right now and you can get in with me.”

“I’d love to, you have no idea.”

Misato’s brain had to take a few seconds to catch up. Was this actually working ?! Was Ritsuko, Ritsuko Akagi, actually flirting with her right now? Or was she too tired to realize what she was saying? Conversely, was Misato actually just drunk, and mishearing every word Ritsuko was telling her? 

“Sounds like a deal,” she ended up saying, “I’d get you in here with me and I’d wash your hair. If you ask me, that’s the quickest and easiest way to de-stress.” Her earlier sentiment to Shinji still rang true.

“Can’t really imagine something nicer than your fingers running through my hair, if I’m being honest. As long as you promise to try and be gentle, I’d be more than happy to let you do so.”

“Oh, I promise up and down.” Misato felt her smile growing, this was making her stupidly happy. “I won’t just stop at your hair though, even though I will take my time with it.”

“If you won’t stop there, then where will you stop?”

Ideally, nowhere. Ideally, you’d let me run my hands along your body and slip my fingers into you and kiss your ear and your neck as you make little sounds and just hold onto you as you enjoy yourself and feel how much I love you. “Not sure at the moment, and I won’t be able to say unless you actually come here. What I’m thinking right now though, is that I’d go for your arms next, run my hands along them and up over your collarbone. Sounds nice, don’t you agree?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Misato felt a wave of arousal run through her that was so heavy she almost squeaked. Christ, Ritsuko wasn’t even here --Ritsuko wasn’t even her girlfriend -- yet she was still having this heavy of an effect on her?

“God, the more you talk about this, the more I just want it to come true. Fuck, it sounds so relaxing.”

“Well, after the water eventually gets cold, I can grab you a fluffy robe and slip it on you, tying it around your waist so it isn’t too tight and it isn’t too loose.”

“If you give me your robe, what will you do?”

“I’ll live. Just throw some underwear on. Besides, if we go to watch a movie in bed anyways, it’s not like I’ll really need it.”

“Well, if we’re both in your bed, I could get hot in that robe, especially if we’re underneath the  blankets and I’m right next to you.”

“You could take it off, I’m not forcing you to wear it at gunpoint or anything, you know.”

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to miss the movie by taking my robe off.”

“I could just take it off for you. You wouldn’t have to look away from the screen or anything.”

“Not sure, you taking that off could be just as, if not more so distracting than me pausing the movie and taking it off myself.”

“If you’re gonna get distracted no matter what, I’d suggest letting me take it off for you, then. I can go from slipping it off to hugging you, and skin to skin contact keeps you much warmer than when there’s clothing in the way.

“Aww, look at you, always thinking of what’s best for me. Said like a true altruist.”

“Not sure if I’d go as far as to call myself an altruist, but for you, I can be anything.”

“God, you really are too sweet Misato, seriously,” Ritsuko sighed, sounding content, “I’ll be honest, I was getting stressed out because of all the shit I have to get done, but you always seem to be able to put me in a better mood. Thanks, I really needed that.”

Misato felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest. “Of course. You know I’d do anything for you, Ritsuko. Lifting you up is the very least I can do.”
“Well, it means a lot to me, seriously. Talking with you always puts me in high spirits.”

“You’re so kind; truly, you are. If flattery is your goal, it’s sure as hell working.”

“Flattery implies I’m being untruthful, something which I can assure you I’m not. I mean every word I say, Misato.”

Misato was about to respond with something heartfelt, when she heard a knock coming from Ritsuko’s end. “Just a moment!” the doctor called out, before turning her attention back to the phone. “God, I’m sorry to cut this short Misato, but I have things I need to discuss with some of the other staff members.”

“Gah, that sucks. I hope for your sake it’s speedy.”

“You have no idea how much I’m hoping that it is too,” Ritsuko laughed, “If tonight is gonna be as long as I think it is, I just hope you know that your words are helping to give me the strength I need to get through it. Thanks again, seriously.”

“No problem. Have a good night Rits, you’ve got this.”

“Night.”

Misato hung up the phone feeling a mix of emotions she couldn’t quite describe. She could pinpoint anxiety, excitement, arousal, and, most potently, happiness. That certainly had not been how she had expected that call to go, but she was most pleased with the result. Finished, she got out of the tub, wrapping two towels around her hair and body. 

As soon as she left the bathroom, elation bubbled up through her. Misato was proud of herself for having said all of that. It was all true, and based on what Ritsuko had promised, so were the things that she had said. 

Passing by Shinji’s room, marked by a sign on binder paper that Misato had drawn on that read “Shinji’s Room” with a couple of stars and hearts, she paused before reaching out and knocking on the door. 

“Come in.”
Misato slid the door open slightly, just enough so she could peak her head through. “Hey Shinji?” she called out tentatively. The room was dark, but she saw Shinji lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “You should be proud of yourself. That was hard work that not just anybody could have done. I’m proud of you, and I know everybody else is too.” Sensing he wanted to be alone, Misato closed his door with a soft thud. “Goodnight.” she called, heading down the hall to her room. As soon as she got in, she flopped down onto her bed, not even bothering to turn on the light. All the beer was making her sleepy, plus, she was worried she would begin to overthink her conversation with Ritsuko should she stay awake.

She could only hope that all those things they had spoken about would come true someday.

--

It was blue. Then it was white. Then it was red, or maybe black. She couldn’t tell. Maybe it was all the colors, all at once, everywhere, or maybe it was none of the colors, nowhere. Her chest was tight, and she couldn’t feel. She was numb. Everything was truly too much.

There was a calm in the storm, though. She couldn’t tell if everything was fading away, if everything was slipping out of reach, or if everything was just where it always had been. Maybe things had always been this way, and it was only now that she was actually opening her eyes and seeing how the world truly was.

She had gone to Church every Sunday. Every Sunday, she would say the same prayers and sing the same songs. She used to not believe in them, but lately, she had begun to again. Now, she’d whisper the Lord’s Prayer underneath her breath every night before she fell asleep without fail. After the prayer, she blessed herself, drawing the sacred mark of the Holy Cross onto her body like she was a string of rosary beads. Then, she’d begin her letter. “Dear God,” it would start with, like God was her aunt that she was writing to in the mail. She wasn’t sure why she whispered letters to Him, but in her mind, it got the prayer there faster. “Dear God,” she would say, hands clasped together, “Thank you for letting me live yet another day, I appreciate it, and am forever in Your debt.” Afterwards, she would usually go on to asking Him to help her solve a problem. Maybe she was having trouble studying, maybe she was arguing with one of her friends, no matter what it was, she would ask and hope that He would deliver. She would end her letter by asking Him to bless those that she loved, but especially a select few. “Especially,” she would plead, “my Mother, my Grandmother, and my Great-Great Grandmother.” Family was important to her, so it made sense she would beg God for their protection before she fell asleep, even if it meant taking some of His protection away from her.

Maybe it was because she never included him that He didn’t save him. She thought it to be her fault, because it was the only logical explanation. 

Of course, maybe He had never even existed in the first place, but that was much less favorable. Still, she wondered. She felt horribly guilty doing so, she felt like an angry pair of eyes were staring down at her from Heaven, but she couldn’t stop herself from wondering. Yet another reason she would end up in Hell.

She begged for His forgiveness, and hoped, prayed that he would pardon her crime. She lost track of the days He kept her waiting after a while.

Chapter Text

“You sure you don’t want me to walk you out or anything?” Misato asked. A few days had passed since Shinji first moved in, and now he stood in front of the door, bag in hand and uniform on, ready to go to school.

“Yeah, don’t worry about me, Miss Misato!” Shinji smiled, and turned around, opening the door. “Well, I’m off! See you later!”

The door shut, and once more, Misato was alone. She planned to head back to bed, as she had been at HQ late last night working on re-affirming Unit-01 for use with Ritsuko, and had barely gotten three hours of sleep.

Speaking of Ritsuko, neither of them had mentioned the phone call that they’d had a few days prior, much to both Misato’s relief and disappointment. She wanted the flirting to continue, but based on Ritsuko’s silence, she may very well not. In the end, Misato resigned herself to the thought that even if it was only one time, at least Ritsuko had returned her affections, nevermind that they may not have been sincere.

Misato’s cell phone began to ring from her bedroom, and she considered just letting it go to voicemail. Once she walked back in her room and looked at the caller ID, however, she answered. 

“‘Sup Rits?” she yawned. Speak of the devil, and doth she appear.

“How’s life with your new boyfriend going?”

Misato felt the beginnings of hot tears welling up in her eyes. She knew she was tired, and thus more susceptible to being emotional, but Ritsuko’s comment really bothered her. “He’s not my boyfriend, for the last fucking time. Please stop, I really hate it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I won’t do it again, promise.” Ritsuko sounded sincere, and Misato dabbed at her eyes with the back of her wrist. 

“It’s okay. Sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Then get off the phone with me, and go back to bed, we can always talk later.”

“I’m worried about Shinji, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep even if I wanted to.”

“What’s wrong?” Ritsuko’s concerned voice rang through Misato’s ears as she flopped down on her futon.

“God, it’s probably stupid, but, he seems lonely. I’ve tried talking to him, but there’s only so much somebody who’s twice his age can do to connect with him. I don’t really think he has a lot of friends, if he has any at all. I mean, I bought him a cell phone, but I’ve never seen him use it, and nobody’s ever called him on it.”

“Hm,” Misato heard Ritsuko lean back in her chair, “Have you ever heard of the hedgehog’s dilemma?”

“Hedgehog? You mean like those little prickly guys?”

“Yeah. Hedgehogs get cold, of course, but when they try to huddle up to each other, they poke each other with their quills. They want to get close to others, but they can’t, lest they hurt themselves in the process.”

“You think Shinji is like that?” Misato stared up at the ceiling. 

“Based on what you’ve told me so far, it makes sense.”

“The more I think about this, the more right you sound. It seems like he’s only been living his life for others, never for himself. That’s the entire reason he’s even here in the first place.”

“I still imagine that it must be lonely, though. For his sake, I hope he branches out at school today. Maybe an extrovert will ‘adopt’ him or something, who knows.”

“One can hope,” Misato contemplated her next move. She was tired, but she wanted to keep talking to Ritsuko at the same time. More than anything, though, she wanted a repeat of that night in the tub.

“You’re one to talk,” she teased, letting her mouth run without any input from the logical part of her brain. “You’re one of the loneliest people I know. Seriously, there’s no harm in reaching out to me more, you know I’m always willing to talk to you. I love doing so, in fact.” A lot more than you realize.

Ritsuko laughed, and Misato felt her heart speed up, it was so damn cute. “I’m doing a lot better nowadays then I was before, I’ve got my cats, and of course, I’ve got you, Misato. That’s more than I could ever ask for.”

Misato felt tears welling up again, although this time, it was for a completely different reason. Was Ritsuko really not lonely anymore, and in part, because of her ? Misato wanted to burst into tears and tell Ritsuko how much she loved her, again and again and again until either she fell asleep or one of their cellphones died, whichever came first. 

“Putting me on the same level as your cats? No joke, makes me feel really special,” she settled on the next best thing, “Speaking of your cats, how are they? I haven’t seen them for a hot second.”

“They’re fine, don’t worry. Maggie’s still bugging Karasu whenever she can to get him to play with her, but the old guy doesn’t really want to do anything but sleep.”

“Can’t say I blame him, sleeping sounds wonderful right about now.”

“I don’t want to keep you up if you need to sleep, Misato. I mean it.” 

“Who needs sleep when I can talk to the most interesting person in the world? No joke Rits, I could listen to you for hours. Your voice is so melodic, and you’re so smart, you always have something to tell me. Screw sleep, I’ve got you.” If this was a bad idea, Misato couldn’t bring herself to care enough.

Ritsuko was quiet for a few seconds before she spoke. “I’m really uninteresting Misato.” 

“I’m calling bullshiiiiit!”

“Misato, you need to sleep.”

“Well, your voice is like a lullaby, so it's not like I’ll have to hang up or anything.”

Another pause. “You’re exhausted, and you know how I can tell? You’re turning into a flatterer. I do the same, though, so it’s not like I’m one hundred percent innocent either.”

“I’m not flattering you! Just like the other day, come on! I’m being totally sincere! 

“Misato, we’re not talking about that right now, we’re talking about you and your need to sleep. I’m gonna hang up and let you do just that, okay?”

“Doooooon’t!”

“Goodnight, Misato,” Ritsuko laughed again, and Misato’s heart went aflutter, “Sleep well for me, alright?” The line clicked and although Misato wanted to fight Ritsuko on her decision to stop talking, she was much too tired. 

Maybe it was for the best, though. Ritsuko was just slightly off when she said Misato resorted to flattery when she was tired; instead, Misato was at her most truthful.

--

The next time Ritsuko called, it wasn’t for idle conversation, or even to flirt, as Misato had felt herself hoping. Instead, it was a rushed voice, out of breath, that was telling her to get to HQ as fast as she could, because there was an angel attacking, Rei was in no shape to pilot, and Shinji was freaking out. Upon hearing that, Misato threw on some clothes haphazardly, and ran out of the house, driving recklessly along the deserted roads in a way that was all too reminiscent of how her first encounter with Shinji had gone. She got into the parking garage in record time, sprinting into the Central Dogma, which she had since learned her way to. Once she arrived at the Bridge, she saw Unit-01 popping out above ground, heading after the second angel.

The fight was relatively standard, as far as fights went. Shinji and the Eva were doing surprisingly well, and Misato was really proud of how much better the boy was doing already. It didn’t look like anything out of the ordinary was going to occur.

Misato should’ve known better, because it was only a matter of time until Shinji ignored her orders, running past the angel he was nearly done defeating. Turns out, two of his classmates were huddled in a bush, trying desperately to get away from the angel. How they ended up there, Misato wasn’t sure, but one thing she knew was that they couldn’t stay out there on their own. So she made the decision that she assumed that anybody with a brain would make.

“Abandon the mission, get them in the plug, now!”

Rituko whipped around to face Misato, blonde hair fluttering. “Misato, you are completely overstepping your authority! What are you doing?!”
“Rits, I can’t just leave them to get killed!”

“Misato, you have no authority to do this, you could get all three of them killed if you do this!”

September 13th. Every year, news stations would honor September 13th as the day when everything changed. Because of that, September 12th had become a partying day of sorts, almost like humanity’s last Mardi Gras, only as opposed to being the last day before the forty long days before Lent, where one should sin as much as they could to prepare for their abstinence during the next month and a half, September 12th was the last day life on earth had been normal, the last day before the seas turned red and shifted, the last day before three billion lives were lost, the last day where the world was truly alive.

“What, you expect me to just leave them be?”

“Misato, please, listen to me. You’re being rash.”

She feared no other day like she feared September 13th. She didn’t fear it because of the impact in Antarctica, or because of tsunamis and waves, she feared it because of the Cross. She feared it because of the blood. She feared it because of the claustrophobia. She feared it because of the oxymorons. 

Misato glanced over at the screen, where she saw Shinji getting the two boys. It looked like he was choosing the right thing after all. 

He had originally picked out the necklace because it looked like the Cross, and he enjoyed keeping up the facade that he was a religious man. Maybe he was religious and was just bad at showing it, she didn’t know, and resolved herself to the fact that she probably never would. He couldn’t buy a Cross outright, however, because he had been told that nobody was allowed to have any symbols of religion with them on the journey, lest it ruin something. So he settled on the medical cross instead, knowing what it meant deep in his heart. 

“Misato!”

“I don’t care!”

She glanced back over at Ritsuko, and felt a strange sensation of fear rise up in her as she saw the anger cross the doctor’s face. It had been a while since she had last seen the woman look this mad, even though she did get fed up rather often. 

He had been crucified in the end. Just like the Cross that he had loved so much, he had ended up nothing more than a show for the sins of everyone, something for the world to laugh at. It was ironic, in a beautiful, disgusting way. He might not have had holes in his hands and feet, nor had he been nailed to wood, but in her mind, he was crucified just the same.

Did that mean that Misato was no better than those people? The sexist men that would sometimes come and bug them at the bar? The assholes who supported things like racism? The people who were just plain mean? Was Misato not enough all of a sudden?

And now, of course, she had to carry that sign with her everyday. Everyday, she’d fasten it around her neck, look in the mirror, and see the reminder of his sins and the way she had looked the other way as he tried to perform his miracles. Even if she wanted to stuff it in the far corners of one of her drawers, though, she couldn’t. It wasn’t that she thought God would spite her should she do it, she had stopped believing in him long ago. She didn’t even think of her father, because she just couldn’t, it brought up too many emotions. She only wore the pendant because she had to. There was no way around it. Everybody had their duties, and this was hers. She’d wear it everyday and remind herself of who she was and why she was still here.

She glanced over at Ritsuko again, her vision blurry with tears, and one look at her face was all it took to tell Misato that her thoughts were spot-on. 

Sometimes, she wished he hadn’t performed his miracles though. Maybe it would be easier that way. She wouldn’t have all of this guilt and terror inside of her if he had just stopped. She wouldn’t have the pendant either, but she wouldn’t really need it. She wouldn’t need to see him reaching over, handing it to her, telling her that it was her turn to perform miracles. She wasn’t a miracle worker, though, and she never would be. She hated herself for that. She hated him for that. More than anything, she hated that stupid pendant. The blood had long been washed off of it, but it was still just as ugly. Sometimes, she swore she could smell it.

The Cross had been her lifeline for a few years. At first, she’d hold it and recite the Lord’s Prayer, and beg for forgiveness. After a while, she’d just sit, holding it in her hands. The Cross meant she didn’t have to think, she could just look at it and let time pass her by. The people who cared for her, the doctors who tried to talk to her, none of them could have provided her with as much support as the Cross. 

She never went back to school again, but she did the work nonetheless. She got into university and left the cruel world behind her. They were worried about how she would fare, but she figured that the Cross would protect her, as it always had.

She had been brighter than any cross she had ever had, though. She still was. It was around then that she stopped believing that the pendant had any powers at all. All it was was a piece of metal, silver that had seen more horrors than almost anybody else. She didn’t think she deserved it, though. She told her otherwise. For the first time, she had a beacon of light that wasn’t the pendant.

So she stopped going to church. She stopped praying at night. She stopped paying any of the holy days a second thought. All the while, the pendant haunted her. It watched her sin. It watched her lose herself.

It still watched. It taunted her. “You don’t deserve this,” it would tell her, “You don’t deserve any of Her attention.” She thought it was right. It had always been right, after all, so why would now be any different?

It didn’t stop her from wanting, though. From feeling. From longing. Deep down inside, she was a sinner worse than any other. She’d still watch the memories from the new millennium’s mid-September though. Somedays, the film was better than others. Somedays, she’d doze through the movie, others, she would be terrified, yet unable to look away. As the movie was ending, she’d turn around behind her and look at the cinema operator, and right next to the camera, lying down on the cold snow, was the pendant. She wanted to scream as it drew her towards it, inexplicably. The world around her turned crimson, and she tried desperately to think of anybody who could help her. She couldn’t call out to her father because she hated him. She couldn’t call out to the cross, because it no longer existed. She couldn’t call out to God because he was just a myth, an idea, a concept to describe something that humans cannot.  She couldn’t call out to Him, because he deserved none of her time, and she hated herself for even having indulged in her desires in the first place-- if anything, she hated Him more than her father. 

So she called out for Her. She was always on her mind, and she didn’t mind it, for She was more wonderful than anybody and everything else. Nowadays, she saw a lot of angels, but She was what an angel was supposed to look like.

Ritsuko was the only thing that mattered anymore. She was all that Misato fucking cared about and now she hated her. Ritsuko hated her and there was nothing Misato could do about it. 

Why then, had the angel pushed her away? Was it her fault? She didn’t know. 

Her head was getting fuzzy. She couldn’t see with the amount of tears that clouded up her vision. Her knees shook and her stomach turned. 

Embarrassed, she let herself succumb to the pendant.

--

In the end, Ritsuko ended up leading most of the mission. Misato had ended up sitting down and dissociating, only coming back to when Ritsuko came to check up on her after the operation. 

Numbed, Misato looked up at her. “I’m sorry.” she whispered, looking down. She wasn’t sad, she was numb. She was drained. 

Ritsuko looked around the now-mostly empty Bridge, getting down on her knees to match her friend in height. “Are you okay?”

“Considering how mad you must be at me right now, I don’t think it matters.”

“Mad? That didn’t even remotely cross my mind. What made you think that?”

Misato was silent for a moment. “The fact that you said I was overstepping my authority…” she murmured.

Concern flooded Ritsuko’s face. “Oh, Misato, I’m-”

“I don’t blame you,” she continued, “I just-”

“With everything that happened to you, I’m not surprised. It’s only natural you’d want to help others the same way that your-”

“Thanks.” Misato looked over to Ritsuko and smiled, before standing up. “Hopefully, I’ll be better now.”

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know.” Ritsuko responded. “You should probably get going, if you’re okay to drive.”

“Yeah, both Shinji and I should get home.”

“Oh, and Misato? Do me a favor, and always trust your judgement. It hasn’t failed you very often before. I’ll do my best to do the same.” 

“Promise.” she smiled. Her heart filled in a way that it shouldn’t have. Clasping her pendant, she went to go look for Shinji.

Chapter Text

The days following the battle were especially taxing, for both Misato and for Shinji. Shinji kept himself holed up in his room, not really doing much of anything, as far as Misato was able to discern. She, meanwhile, lay in a stupor between drunk and sober, not showering or eating much, just wasting her time away by playing video games, jacking off, and watching movies. 

Ritsuko forgave her. Ritsuko forgave her, despite her grand fuck up. Ritsuko wasn’t mad at her anymore. Ritsuko said that Misato’s judgement was good, and maybe even better than hers. No, that last part was a lie, something that Misato had chosen to take from her friend’s words to try and make herself feel better. A serial liar. The ugliest person the world had ever seen. She didn’t deserve any sympathy, be it from Ritsuko, from the pendant, from Shinji or from herself. 

Someone knocked on the door. Misato sighed, crumpling up a can of beer and throwing it at the door, something which made a delightful little ringing sound. “Leave it outside, I’ll come and get it later.” she called out. Probably another food delivery or a package. Maybe it was Ritsuko.

“Uhhh, is Shinji there?” the voice of a young boy asked timidly. Misato threw her head back onto the couch behind her. Guests. Guests at a time like this. Lovely. 

“Don’t you guys have a club or something to go to?” she called out.

“On a Sunday? Somehow doubt that.” Oh, so it had been four entire days. Four entire days she had been drunk and depressed and doing nothing. Wow, she must seem like quite the saint to Ritsuko now. Another reason for her to be hated.

“Come in then, you’ll see his room down the hall, it has his name on it.” she could get up and change, or just run into her bedroom real quick, but she didn’t care enough. Besides, not like two fourteen year old boys were going to give a shit about her appearance anyways.

The door opened and out of her peripherals, she saw two kids step in, one short with scraggly blonde hair and the other tan; maybe he was of foriegn or Ainu descent, or maybe he just spent an ungodly amount of time in the sun. 

“WOAH! Uh, h-hi there! My name’s Toji, and who is it that I have the pleasure of meeting?” The tan boy asked. Mistao almost slammed her head into the table in front of her until it cracked in two.

“Can you… not?” she asked. Normally, she’d find their attraction cute and endearing, but right now, unless the person acting flustered in her presence was Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, she didn’t want to see it.

“Uh, y-yeah, sure! We’ll be going to see Shinji now!” The other boy responded, and both of them ran down the hall, still wearing their shoes. Misato would yell at them if she was feeling up to it, but she just didn’t care. 

“Um, miss? He isn’t in his room.” One of the boys called out. 

“He’s probably out then. I woke up from a nap not too long ago, so I can’t tell you exactly where he’s gone, but you two know him, so you know that he’ll be fine.”

“Will do! You have a wonderful day, miss!” Both boys saluted Misato like she was someone from the military, and then left, closing the door behind them. They left  a trail of dirt along her floor. She’d clean it up later, probably after Shinji got back. In the meantime, it was time to grab her vibrator and pretend Ritsuko was making love to her for the third time that day. Shinji would be back soon enough.

--

He wasn’t back soon enough. 

For the first time in half a week, Misato felt painfully sober. She cleaned, and showered, and turned the house upside down to keep herself busy waiting for Shinji to return. When he didn’t, Misato didn’t know what to do.

So she did something she hated, something she was embarrassed to do-- she put some clothes on, drove to work, and went to see the one person who could cheer her up.

“Well, let’s start out simple: do you think he’ll come back?” They were in Ritsuko’s office again, the doctor working on coding something while Misato stared out her window into the hallway. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t have any fucking clue. That battle really took a huge toll on him. I think realizing his friends were almost killed really hurt him. I think he thought that the battle upset me too, which might have hurt him.”

“Misato, I’m really sorry for what I said. I mean it. I feel horrible knowing that I upset you.” Ritsuko’s eyes bored into her, but Misato couldn’t bring herself to turn and face her. 

“Don’t. You were honestly just doing your job. It was me who overreacted.” She bit her cheek. “Anyways, you’re gonna call me a horrible guardian, but I honestly don’t know if he’s gonna be back, and in all candor, I think that leaving might be what’s best for him.”

“Why do you say that?” Ritsuko’s eyes were still on her, so Misato turned around. Her friend’s beautiful face did make her feel a bit better, and she smiled, just slightly. The strangest things seemed to affect her, huh?

Because I don’t want to see another kid get severely traumatized at age fourteen and have to carry that shit with them forever, to have to wear their burdens around their neck everyday, so much so that they sometimes just wanna switch it out with a rope instead. “Because we got in a fight, and maybe living with me isn’t the best idea. Some guardian I am, you were right.” Ritsuko looked confused, but didn’t pry. She didn’t believe a word Misato just said, and both of them knew it.

“Well, if he truly doesn’t return, we’re gonna need another pilot to replace him, God knows Rei can’t handle everything on her own, especially in her current state.” 

“Don’t we have some German bitch who’s eligible to be coming in? A college grad? Hey, at the very least, we wouldn’t be pushing our work onto kids anymore.”

“Hate to break it to you, but she’s fourteen, just dropped out of high school to go to university in Berlin instead. Fourteen to nineteen seems to be the ideal age for a pilot, in terms of synchronization. I’m not really a huge fan of it either, but if she does end up coming out, at least she’s way older than an eighth grader mentally.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Misato scuffed the toe of her boot along the floor. “God, should I go and look for him? I honestly don’t know what the best thing is to do in this case.”

“I’d say leave him be, he’ll come back on his own eventually. When Maggie ran away, she came back in about two days because she missed getting fed.”

“We’re comparing Shinji to your cat now?”

“He’s a dependent pussy, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t.” 

Misato laughed, something Ritsuko smiled at. “I mean, I’m not exactly gonna say that you’re wrong, because you sure as hell aren’t.”

“Look, Misato, in all seriousness, I know this is gonna affect you whether you want it to or not, so the very least I can do is help you. What do you say we go and get some drinks after work today, just the two of us?”

Misato felt her heart speed up again, only this time, it was in a (mostly) good way. Ritsuko wanted to go out with her? It wasn’t like this was anything new, but lately, her feelings for Ritsuko had been growing stronger with each passing day, so she supposed it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she was reacting this strongly all of a sudden. 

“Sure, I’m down. You got a time in mind?”

“Probably whenever I finish this section, so maybe a couple of hours. You’re more than welcome to do your work from here, if that’s what you want. I’m not sure if being alone would be the best thing for you, at the moment.”

“Yeah, me neither, in all honesty. Not that I have much to do today anyways, Maya did a pretty damn good job getting done what I needed to.”

“She’s always eager to please, that one. I mentioned the work offhandedly and she surprised me by getting it done. Said it was just busywork that kept her hands busy while she listened to some podcast, she didn’t mind.”

“But with her doing my work, didn’t that leave more for you to do? Shit, Rits, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Hey, between you and me, Misato, Maya’s Java isn’t really the best, so I’m kind of glad she’s not helping me on this. If this was HTML or CSS, it’d be another story, but hey, we all have our weaknesses in our work.”

“Not entirely sure of exactly what you just said, but I’ll take it as a good thing. Most I picked up was Java, and I only know what that is because of when you were losing your shit over it in college.”

“One of the few moments I do something memorable, I suppose.” Ritsuko sighed. Misato wanted to argue, because that was the most untrue statement she had ever heard, but she saved it, not really having the energy for a debate at the moment. 

In the end, she sat on the floor, leaning up against the side of Ritsuko’s desk, with her laptop balanced on top of her knees, deleting and re-writing an email to SEELE. Ikari obviously knew about Shinji’s disappearance, but he told Misato that it was up to her what she wanted to do about Shinji’s situation. At the very least, he wasn’t blaming her, even if she was blaming herself.

After much deliberation, she chose to send an email asking SEELE to authorize NERV to send out men to search for Shinji. One of the greasy bastards responded almost instantaneously, thanking Misato for taking the situation seriously and “handling it with great candor.” She felt like shit, so she dozed off for a bit. 

She woke up to Ritsuko gently stroking her wrist, her body covered in Ritsuko’s lab coat. It smelled like her. The other woman didn’t know it, but the area of Misato’s wrist she chose to stroke to stir her sleeping friend was oddly sensitive, in a way that tingled as her fingers gently glided over it. It was nice. Misato could get used to waking up like this.

“You good to go now? If you wanna just stay and sleep, we can do that too.” Ritsuko told her gently, all the while not stopping the gentle stroking on Misato’s wrist. 

“Mm, I think I can go. I might doze on the car ride there, though, do you mind?”

“Of course not, if that’s what makes you feel better, I’m more than okay with it. And hey, if you decide once we get there you don’t wanna get up, I can take you back home, or we can drive around, I don’t mind, seriously.”

“I dunno what I do to deserve you as a friend, let alone have you in my life.” Ritsuko smiled, her hand stopping its motions, sliding down to grab at Misato’s, as she stood up, letting the lab coat fall to the floor. Ritsuko let go of Misato and reached down, picking up the discarded item of clothing before folding it on her desk. Misato’s hand felt cold.

True to her word, Ritsuko let Misato doze on the drive to the bar. It was relaxing, just hearing the sounds of the engine, the road, and Ritsuko’s breathing. Distantly, she felt like a child on a car trip, warm and content and happy, if but rather drowsy. 

When the car stopped, Misato forced herself to sit up, stretching. A part of her did indeed want to take Ritsuko up on her offer and head home, but her desire to spend some uninterrupted time with the woman she loved was much more potent within her heart.

“You okay headed in on your own, or need me to support you?” Ritsuko slid out of the car and opened up Misato’s door for her, almost like they were on a real date. 

“You don’t have to do that, don’t want everyone thinking I’m drunk just yet.”

“Well, whatever you say.” Ritsuko locked her car behind them and opened the door to the building, letting Misato in first. The two women made their way over to the bar and sat down, Misato swinging her legs that weren’t able to touch the floor. 

“Made up your mind on what you want? I think I’m just gonna stick to some champagne myself, but don’t feel obligated just to get it because I am. It’s all on me tonight, don’t even think about worrying.”

“The more I think about it, the more I think I’m just gonna get some water. I spent so many of the last few days in that limbo between tipsy and drunk that I’m not sure that drinking again is necessarily the best move.”

“You wanna go somewhere else then? I don’t mind.”

“Nah, I like the atmosphere of this place.” And I’m hoping that you yourself might get a bit tipsy and try and flirt with me again, so there’s always that.

“Alright then.” Ritsuko signalled the bartender and asked for a glass of champagne and water, which he got to her right away. Once the drinks had arrived, Ritsuko reached into her bag and pulled out her lighter and a cigarette, setting the end ablaze in a fire of embers and putting it into her mouth, inhaling deeply. Misato knew that smoking wasn’t good and that she should try and encourage Ritsuko to stop before she seriously hurt herself, but she just looked so goddamn good doing it, Misato couldn’t bring herself to. The lipstick marks she left smeared along the paper as she pulled it out of her mouth helped too. As hot as the end of that cigarette, as fragrant as that beautifully nostalgic scent of smoke. 

“He’s gonna be okay, Misato. It’s like you yourself said; he’s a smart guy, and although naive, he wouldn’t run headfirst into something he knew would kill him, at least if he didn’t have a good reason.”

“I know you’re right, I just can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault, y’know? Considering I’m his guardian and all.”

“Hey, you can’t control how other people think and feel. You gave him a wonderful home and welcomed him into your life with open arms. If he can’t see how lucky he is, that’s on him.”

“Was he lucky these past four days when I was living in a depression-induced stupor and basically left him to fend for himself?” Misato kicked the bottom of her barstool.

“Oh Misato…” Ritsuko laid her cigarette in an ashtray, turning towards her friend and opening her arms up, an invitation Misato took gratefully. Falling into her friend’s arms, she gripped onto her for dear life, not able to cry, but still feeling worthless nonetheless.

“Some responsible adult I am, huh?” She muttered. The pendant brushed against her collarbone, and she felt sick. 

“Misato, it’s not your fault. You can’t control the response your body and mind have to a stressful event.”

“But I should be able to.”

“ No one is able to: not me, not Shinji, not anybody you know and not anybody you don’t.” Ritsuko ran her hand along Misato’s back, and she suppressed a shiver. Vaguely, she wondered if Ritsuko could feel the outline of her bra beneath her shirt. Was it wrong that she hoped she could? 

Ritsuko pulled away, and much like earlier, Misato felt cold. “Next time something like this happens, call me. I'll come over right away and do whatever I can to help.

“I really am sorry, by the way, for everything I said. Just seeing that scene had to trigger unpleasant memories for you, and then I went and made it worse.” Ritsuko sighed, but Misato grabbed her hand, something which drew the blonde’s gaze up towards her. 

“Don’t apologize. I know we had this conversation already, but please, don’t apologize. I don’t want you to feel bad about all of this.”

“Well, if you’re really so sure.” Ritsuko squeezed their hands, and Misato smiled. After a moment, she let go, watching as Ritsuko extinguished her cigarette (so soon after she had lit it, apparently Misato really did mean a lot to her) and took a drink of her champagne. She was a muse, a greek statue. Misato wanted to capture her in time forever. 

“I guess, a part of me is just worried that he hates me. My goal was for him to at least feel some kind of familial love for me. But the more that I think about it, I wonder if that was just my goal all along.”

“Why’s that?” Ritsuko looked at her, and Misato felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment, the bad kind. 

“I mean, isn’t love the best way you can judge if your relations with somebody have been effective?”

“Judge? Ritsuko raised an eyebrow, “You can’t measure relationships like they’re experiments. Some things aren’t able to be calculated and analyzed. Love isn’t the output of some sort of equation, rather, it’s the output of mutual respect and trust and admiration. There’s no surefire equation for love, unfortunately. Believe me, I’d know better than anybody.”

Misato bit her lip gently, staring down at her shoes. “It’s just… how do I know if I even did him any good if he doesn’t love me? Not romantically, he’s a fucking child, but like… as a sister, or as a mother, or even just as a mentor.” She sighed, throwing her head back and gazing up at the ceiling as her forefinger traced around the tip of her glass, cold condensation nipping at her fingertip. “I hate to say it, because it’s embarrassing and nothing more than a sign of my own failure, but I just don’t think I’m worthy of anything if I’m not loved.”

“By everyone?”

“Not necessarily. I don’t need to be loved by everyone, even though it would be nice. And easy, I suppose. I think what I’m trying to get at is that I don’t think I deserve anything within a relationship if there isn’t love of some kind, like I’ve failed. And God knows I only feel worse because I’m not in a romantic relationship.”

“Do you miss-”

“No. Don’t even bother asking, because I don’t. I hate him.” I hate myself more. All he represents is a tarnished ideal and a girl who is nothing more than a toy. It’s not his fault, though. He never asked for this. He never asked for me.

“If you only feel like you have worth when you’re in a romantic relationship, maybe it’s a sign that you need to work on loving yourself more.” 

Misato stopped moving her finger, and thought. Ritsuko was right, and she knew it, but it was still hard to do. 

“Definitely easier said than done when you don’t see how or where you could even start.” 

“Well, I, for one, know a lot of things that make you wonderful. For starters, you’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. You put people above yourself, and you never rest until they’re happy. It’s rare to find somebody like that. I envy you for it.” Misato turned to her right slightly, where Ritsuko smiled at her gently. It was one of the most beautiful and serene sights that Misato had ever laid her eyes upon. “Secondly, no matter how hard of a rough patch you’re going through, you never fail to be professional and try your absolute hardest when you’re at work. That’s really admirable, and I know it isn’t easy. I’m proud of you for that, Misato, and I really should get around to telling you that more.”

“Even like last Thursday, when I break into a panic attack in the middle of an operation? How the hell did Ikari not fire me on the spot?”

“He may not look it, but the bastard isn’t completely heartless. He knows pain too.”

“One of two things that make him human.” Misato laughed. 

“You’ve got that right.” Ritsuko took another sip of her champagne, and Misato was growing more convinced by the minute that she was a goddess from every mythology and every religion to have ever existed and that ever would exist all wrapped up into one person. She knew that Ritsuko was right, that she did need to find self-worth outside of relationships with others, but it was a monumental task when she fell so in love with people that she was willing to give them her absolute everything. Case in point, she and Ritsuko weren’t together in any sense of the word, yet she was more than willing to cut off her arms and legs if it meant appeasing the goddess of a woman who she was monumentally lucky enough to be sitting next to. She felt blessed to even be in the same room as her, for her eyes to be graced with the presence of such a perfect specimen of everything human and everything natural. Maybe it came from her sense of inferiority next to everyone and everything, but she really did think of Ritsuko as a divine being, a celestial angel, something more perfect than any of the parables she’d heard in Catechism and at Church.

 She was beautiful, perfect. No words could begin to describe her infinite love and attraction towards the woman in blue. Misato sat, trying to figure out something to say. 

“You look really pretty, by the way.” she settled on. An understatement, but she couldn’t just outright call Ritsuko beautiful now, could she? She was already worried that she was toeing the line as it was. 

“I thought you were supposed to be practicing self-love tonight?” Ritsuko smirked. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m also pretty,” I guess, if you say so. “But you should just accept that I’m going to compliment you. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“Really? What would I have to do then?”

“Probably roll around in garbage.” Even then, I’d leap into your arms in a heartbeat. There is no way for you to not look marvelous, it should be a crime.

“If that’s what it takes to make you feel better, I’ll do it.” 

“Who said anything about you looking not-pretty making me feel pretty? Seems like you’re taking things you hear and misconstruing them yet again, Akagi.”

“Call me that again and you’re gonna live to regret it.” Ritsuko smirked. 

“Huh? Why’s that?”
“I really will roll around in trash. Don’t tempt me, you know that I’ll do it.”

“Hmm, I guess I’ll stop then.” Misato smiled, picking up her sweating water glass and finally taking a drink, only realizing how dry her mouth was once the cool liquid hit it. Putting her glass down, she dropped her right hand onto the counter gently, right near where Ritsuko’s left hand was. She could feel the energy and the warmth beckoning her. If she was drunk, Misato would absolutely reach out and touch their hands together, no questions asked.

Maybe Ritsuko felt the same way, for she moved her hand just slightly to the left, touching the outer edge of her hand to Misato’s, so softly that if they weren’t paying attention, they couldn’t even feel it. Misato’s chest tightened up, and she really wished she could drink.

“As… hard as everything can be sometimes, just normal things like this can really work wonders at cheering me up.” Misato smiled halfheartedly, gazing at the bottles of spirits in front of her. Her heart felt light all of a sudden. She hoped Ritsuko’s felt exactly the same.

“I know what you mean.” Ritsuko responded, gently clinking her glass against the wood of the bar, empty. Misato wanted to kiss her. “Sometimes, as hard as everything can be, little things like this are all that you need to remind you that life is worth living. 

“People who are important to you in places that have lots of memories. Perfection, if you ask me, is a mix of them both.” It was a bit of a lie, perfection would be if she could slide her hand a little closer, up and over Ritsuko’s as their fingers latched together, but this was about as close to that dream as she was going to get.

“I’m glad I can help contribute to that, even if only but a little.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

She really didn’t know how important she was.

After a few more drinks, Misato began getting worried she was gonna fall asleep, so Ritsuko, bless her heart, drove her home. Misato fought to stay awake during the trip -- she wanted to try her best and remember everything about every moment she spent with Ritsuko -- but in the end, her body won out, and she dozed off.

Even in her dreams, however, she and Ritsuko were in the car. This time, however, there was a little ring on Ritsuko’s finger. It wasn’t an engagement ring or anything, it wasn’t anything near fancy enough. All it was was two little silver tendrils, swirling together to meet in the middle from the outside. They drove through a tunnel, the occasional light on the side illuminating the car enough for Misato to get a good look at Ritsuko’s flawless hands as they steadied the steering wheel. Even though it was nighttime outside of the tunnel, they were headed to the beach, and they were going to be the only people there. Misato’s neck was free. It was nice.

Somehow, Ritsuko got Misato up the four stories to her apartment and got her inside and in bed. Then, for the first time in a long time, Misato didn’t dream.

When she woke up the next morning, her pendant was choking her and her phone was ringing. She didn’t even have to check the Caller ID or pick up the phone to know what it was about, though.

--

They were keeping Shinji in a holding cell near the bottom of the facility. It did pain Mistao a bit, to see him locked up in the same place where they kept people who illegally sold information or tampered with the Evas, but there he was nonetheless. He didn’t even look up as Misato opened the door to his cell, and he didn’t face her as she sat down in the chair facing the cot he sat on.

“Welcome back, Shinji.” She didn’t know what, exactly, she could say, but it was a start.

No response. She decided to try again. “Welcome back, Shinji.”

“Why aren’t you scolding me?” He asked, voice low. 

“It’s not up to me to yell at anybody based on the choices that they made with their free will.”

“But, I was reckless, wasn’t I? Shouldn’t you yell at me for that?” His voice was flat.

“Once again, you made the choice to go, just like I made the choice to get drunk. It’s not my place to tell you if the decision that you yourself chose to make was correct.”

Shinni was quiet once again. Misato waited for him to speak. 

“I think I might leave.” 

“Really?”

“Well, you’ll still have Rei to pilot Unit-00, right? And there’s bound to be more candidates than just me. They’ll probably all be better at this than I ever will anyways.”

“Well, I, for one, don’t want you to leave, but I won’t try and stop you.”

“You won’t?” 

“No. I may think your decision is immature, and stupid, and that you’re taking the easy way out, but I know that in the end, nothing I say is going to change your mind.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, you can stop with the ‘really’ crap.”

“It’s just, seeing people actually at risk of getting hurt, and seeing how I reacted, I just don’t think that I’m cut out for the job.”

“People get hurt all the time, Shinji. You can’t run from the truth forever. I hope you know that if you do leave, your life won’t get any easier. You’ve been exposed to classified information, so whenever you return to where you came from, you’ll still have NERV agents watching your every move. Things won’t just go back to normal.” There is no such thing anymore. The sooner you learn that, the less likely you’ll become her. 

Shinji sat in silence for a few moments, still not moving his gaze from the floor. Finally, he looked Misato in the eye. He looked numb.

“I think I’m gonna leave anyway.”

“Alright. Like I said, it’s your decision. I just hope you don’t live to regret it.” Glancing at him one more time, Misato left the holding cell. She didn’t bother waiting to hear the sound of the heavy door slamming shut, she knew it would upset her too much, hit a nerve still fried from overuse. Instead, she ran up stairwells and down hallways, headed to the one place her overworked mind could think of.

Ritsuko looked startled at Misato’s sudden intrusion at first, but stood up and ran over to her friend as soon as the door shut behind her and Misato was on the floor in tears. 

“What’s wrong?!” Ritsuko ran her hands over Misato’s back, but unlike last night, it wasn’t serene and calming. Misato was already having a hard time breathing as it was, (her goddamn pendant wasn’t helping either, in that regard,) and the pressure on her back just served to overstimulate her. 

Misato tried her best to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Stupid bitch, I bet she’s just retarded. She’ll never speak, so we’ll never know. It was all too much. She had been given her chance and she had blown it. The pendant would choke her to death and nobody would find her body.

“He’s leaving. He’s leaving and it’s all my fault.” Hypocrite. Bitch. 

“Misato, sh, it’s okay, it’s okay. For now, let’s focus on calming down, okay? Can I hug you?” Misato nodded, and Ritsuko wrapped her arms around the sobbing woman, fingers coming up and resting on the back of her head, before they slowly dipped into her hair and began combing through it gently, soft strands of deep purple running through her fingers. 

Misato focused on the sensation of Ritsuko’s fingers in her hair. It was nice. It changed her heartbeat from fast and panicked to fast and fluttery. It felt nice, in a calming sort of way, as much of an oxymoron as that was. Maybe if crying meant Ritsuko treating you gently and warmly, it wasn’t so bad. You fucking idiot, you just want to use her. You aren’t even focused on why you’re sad. No wonder the kid’s leaving. You’d leave too, if you were in his position. Hypocrite. Bitch.

They sat there like that for a bit, Misato shaking and Ritsuko carding her fingers through her hair, making shushing noises and being as gentle as a mother would with a newborn baby. It took some time, or maybe it took none at all, on second thought, but eventually, Misato’s tears did dry up. Ritsuko never left her side, not prying or pressing, just stroking. You didn’t do this for Shinji. What a fucking failure you are, and how ironic, that you’re sitting here now enjoying the pleasures in life that you never once thought about offering to him. Hypocrite. Bitch.

“Am I a failure?” Misato asked with a raspy voice. Yes. Her neck felt tight.

“No, absolutely not.” Ritsuko’s voice was soft. Misato couldn’t imagine something more comforting if she tried. 

“I told him I can’t change his mind, which is true, I just…” she paused, “I just feel like a genuine piece of shit. I hate myself.” 

“Well, I don’t hate you, and if I don’t hate you, I don’t see why you should hate you either. Besides, you know deep down that this isn’t your fault, so there’s no need to blame yourself.”

“Why am I reacting so strongly to this?” Because you’re at fault, and you know it. Hypocrite. Bitch.

“I don’t know, Misato. I wish I did. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you.”

“Just being here is more than enough.”

“I’m glad.” The two fell into silence again, and Misato just observed the way that Ritsuko’s hands in her hair felt, the way her chest expanded with every breath she took, the way heat radiated off of her pale skin, the way she smelled like vanilla and cigarettes and LCL. Ritsuko was what she needed more than anything. As long as Ritsuko was around and a part of Misato’s life, she would be okay.

But Shinji won’t be. Hypocrite. Bi-

“Hey.”

“Hm?” Ritsuko hummed, her eyes closed. She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that gave you confidence.

“I know I said earlier that stopping him won’t work, but I just wonder if he’ll maybe think twice if he sees me at the station.”

“Maybe. Depends on how many people are gonna be around though. He’s more likely to notice you if the station is relatively empty.”

“I dunno when his train ride out is.”

“What’s happened when other employees leave is that some NERV guards escort them back to their place and help them pack, before taking them to the station and booking them the soonest ticket to wherever.”

“Well, they can probably skip that second step, I don’t think the kid ever unpacked.”

“Hm, probably means he’ll be leaving relatively soon.”

“I should get out there then, see if I can manage to convince him not to go. At the very least, I just wanna see him off.”

“You want me to come with you?” Ritsuko’s fingers still hadn’t stopped, and deep down, Misato hoped they never would. They were her one constant in this anxiety-ridden hell.

“Tempting, really, but I think that this is something I need to get done on my own.”

“I’m proud of you, Misato.” Ritsuko’s fingers stopped, and she pulled away. Misato once again felt cold, but it was okay now. “Really, this takes a lot of courage.”

“Thank you, Rits.” Misato followed her friend’s lead, standing up and dusting herself off. 

“No matter what happens, you did what you could. Remember that for me, okay?” Ritsuko smiled, and for the first time that entire day, Misato’s heart felt truly full, and her neck felt unconstricted. 

“I promise.” she smiled earnestly. Giving her friend a quick hug, Misato stepped out of the office and headed up to the parking garage.

The drive over to the train station was unusually quiet, it was the first time Misato could remember where she hadn’t listened to music in the car. It was peaceful, in a strange way. Her head was clear, and her mind was empty. She almost enjoyed the ride over, treating it like an extension of the time she spent in Ritsuko’s arms. 

It was 5:30 when Misato pulled up to the station, and as far as she could tell, she was the only one there. Not another car was parked on the side of the road, not even one from NERV. Turning off the ignition, Misato stepped out of the car, closing the door gently behind her. Looking across the road and into the empty train station, she saw a familiar head of hair on the platform farther away from her. In the distance, she heard wheels.

He didn’t look back at her, just straight ahead into the foliage beyond the railroad tracks. He was almost like a statue, that same kind of Greek and Roman perfection that embodied all beautiful people. She may not worship the statue, but she would admire it as she passed it by, and that in itself was more than could be said about many of the statues she saw. 

The train got closer. Misato’s heart was calm, and her face stayed neutral. She was the complete antithesis to the woman she was a few hours ago, but she didn’t care anymore. She didn’t feel like it was anything worth mentioning; it’s not like she had learned a lesson or grown as a person. Life worked in strange ways. Maybe Shinji was just coming to understand that himself. If you paid attention, you could feel the ground below you rumble a bit.  

Maybe, Misato admired Shinji. He was a lot more mature than she had been at his age, and in some ways, he was more mature than she was now. It’s not like she had the guts to leave something she didn’t like. Not, of course, to say that she didn’t have problems of her own with escapism, but she admired him nonetheless. She heard the brakes squeak.

In his own way, Shinji really was remarkable. It was a weird thing to say, especially considering that they weren’t very close, but there were some things you could just tell about a person.  Shinji was just remarkable. Gendo was just heartless. Misato was just indecisive. Ritsuko was just perfect. She saw the top of the train round a corner.

If, in the end, he did choose to leave, life would continue. It would be hard, but it would keep marching on, like it always had. Even so, if her time with Shinji was destined to be short, she was glad that it had happened. It really was beginning to slow down now.

Some things aren’t meant to be easy. The cable began to click.

Some things can’t be changed. The breaks squeaked louder than anything before. 

Some things are fleeting. The exhaust began to kick in

Some things are marvelous. The train stopped. 

Shinji turned around, and their eyes met. 

-

“This is good.” Shinji commented as he swallowed a bit of his pork bun. Misato nodded in agreement. 

The apartment was warm, and so were the buns. Things felt strangely calm. The more Misato began to think about it, the more she decided that there was nothing strange about the calm at all. A lack of excitement doesn’t necessarily equate something to being boring. A hard lesson to learn, but she was getting there. 

Even though the urge to apologize was there, Misato managed to ignore it. She knew that in the end, apologies would get them nowhere. Nothing that had happened was her fault, and nothing that Shinji had done had malintent. No real harm had even ended up occurring anyways.

“Hey, Miss Misato?” She looked across the table at the boy who sat there. 

“Yeah?”

“Good luck. With Dr. Ritsuko, I mean. I have a good feeling.”

“Thanks Shinji. I sort of do too. Let’s hope that  the feeling is correct, for my sake.”

“Yeah, let’s.”

They kept eating.

Chapter Text

Misato had had two panic attacks within the last three weeks, a number that was around her average. One had been during Shinji’s second sortie, when his two friends were in danger and Ritsuko had yelled at her. The other was before Shinji had even arrived, twenty-two days ago according to the journal she used to keep track of these kinds of things.

It had been during a re-activation test for Unit-00. Rei was in the Eva, and in the control panel were Gendo, Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko, Maya, an assortment of support staff, and Misato herself. She wasn’t supposed to be there, technically, but Ritsuko had thought that giving Misato more exposure to Rei’s piloting style would be useful as the acting Captain of Internal Affairs, so there she was anyways. 

“Get ready to start the re-activation.” Gendo had called out. Misato leaned against Maya’s desk, watching as Ritsuko helped show her something, speaking about things that Misato wasn’t even going to pretend to understand. About a minute later, Unit-00 had fired up, and things were looking good in terms of Rei’s synchronization.

Until things weren’t. The exact details were blurry, but for some reason, the Eva stopped responding to both Rei and the command room, causing it to start going berserk in the testing area. Maya ejected the entry plug, but it flew out wrong, and started skidding across the ceiling. When it fell down, steaming hot, that was about all Misato could take. Her stomach felt like it was doing somersaults and her head was fuzzy, all the sound around her faded out as her heartbeat got faster and tears formed in her eyes. She hated when she broke down in public -- she tried her best to avoid doing it, she really truly did, but sometimes she couldn't help herself. She felt Ritsuko grab onto her hand. “Ground yourself.” she commanded, voice somehow both stern and gentle. Misato did as she was told, trying her best to focus all of her attention and the warmth and the softness of Ritsuko’s hand, while her friend leaned over and started relaying instructions to Maya. 

The Eva started punching at the command room, and glass shattered. Misato fell to the floor, and she felt Ritsuko wobble as the sudden weight on her left pulled her down. Somehow, she managed to remain standing, saying something that Misato couldn’t hear over the roar of panic. Soon enough, the Eva stopped, and Ritsuko was at Misato’s side, giving her her full attention. Misato cried silently, not able to make noise even though she wanted to, and she felt Ritsuko wrap her free arm around her, never letting go of her hand. Gendo screamed out Rei’s name, and Misato tried her best to not throw up. Eventually, Ritsuko and Maya had helped Misato up and taken her into Ritsuko’s office, where Misato managed to calm down. She spent a good part of the rest of the day in and out of disassociation, staring at three little cat statues Ritsuko had sitting on her desk, one black, one white, and one grey. Ritsuko herself had had to rush around working on reports, but she sat with Misato for as long as she could, trying to make sure her friend was in as good of a state as she could be.

 Ritsuko had offered to spend the night that night, but Misato had refused. Only after she was alone did she actually throw up, before passing out into a sleep riddled with flashes of things she desperately wanted to forget. 

--

It was Ritsuko’s idea that maybe what had happened to Unit-01 was related to Unit-00, but it had taken a little longer than she had hoped to run all of the tests she had wanted to on the older model. Today, she had finally finished, and was beginning to run a multitude of experiments on the newer model to find out what exactly went wrong. Most of the staff were helping her, including Misato and Shinji. 

Well, to be more specific, Misato and Shinji were making Ritsuko coffee and taking a break, but hey, it was the thought that counted, right?
“I think this is what I need!” Ritsuko called out, and turned around to face Misato and Shinji. She looked so goddamn adorable Misato couldn’t help but smile (and try to hide the blush that came over her cheeks.) Hopping down from the platform up by the machine, Ritsuko came over to the mini-office that she had set up, sitting down in her chair, and putting the sample of… well, actually, Misato had no clue what it was of, into a machine, that displayed the results on her computer screen. Misato handed the doctor her coffee. “Thank you.” she smiled up, and the urge to kiss her shot through Misato like a bullet.

“So, do you have an idea of what’s up?” Misato asked after she gave Ritsuko a bit of time to look over the data. She handed Shinji a cup of coffee and poured one for herself, too.

“Yep, there’s something in one of the chromosomes that looks like it’ll yield some promising results.” 

“So basically what you’re saying is that you have no clue?” Misato deadpanned.

“No, not at all, actually. So, if you look at the genetic makeup of the sixteenth chromosome,” Ritsuko clicked on something and a few dozen strings of amino acids popped up, before fading into a graph of something that looked similar to what you’d find in a biology textbook, “You’ll see that the DNA of the Evas are extremely similar to that of humans.”

“How similar are we talking?” Misato leaned over Ritsuko’s shoulder.

“99.89%, if you wanna be exact.” 

“99.89% Jesus.”

“Yeah, this is really something. If anything, it just goes to show how little we know about the Evas as a whole.” Ritsuko leaned back in her chair. “It’s exciting stuff, though. I’m hopeful that this will lead somewhere. For now, though, I think I should take a break, considering I’ve been working nonstop for the past almost five hours.”

“It’s been that long already? Holy shit, yeah, please take a break.” 

Ritsuko stood up and sat down in a chair further away from the computer, Misato following her aimlessly. She spared a glance over at Shinji, who was looking at his father out by the Eva, quiet and concerned.

“Hey Shinji, you okay?” she called out.

“Huh, me? Oh, uh, yeah, I’m fine.” Shinji turned around, flustered.

“Somehow, I doubt that.”

“No, really, Miss Misato, I’m fine!”’

“Shinji, I hope you do realize that when you say ‘I’m fine’, you’re practically screaming ‘Look at me! Give me attention!’”

Shinji looked over at Ritsuko, who nodded in agreement. “If you have a question, we’ll answer it to the best of our ability.”

“Okay, um…” Shinji trailed off, taking a deep breath, “I was just wondering why my father had burn marks on his hands.”

Misato clenched her calves up, glancing over at Ritsuko; who, as it turns out, was also looking at her. “Before you came, there was an issue when we were working with one of the Evas, and the pilot got trapped in the entry plug. It was hot, but your father muscled it open. That’s where the burns came from.”

“Oh.” he deadpanned.

 Misato didn’t cry.

--

“Are you doing okay after today? I can imagine the whole thing must’ve been relatively triggering for you, and having Shinji bring that up couldn’t have helped.”

Misato and Ritsuko were sitting in the latter’s office, drinking coffee and not doing much of anything. Shinji had gone back to school for the afternoon, and Ritsuko had run all of the samples she could while she waited for Maya to finish processing some of the other data. 

“I dunno. I mean, I’m not panicking, which is a start, I suppose.”

“That’s the attitude to have.” Ritsuko smiled. “Hey, why don’t we do something tonight to get your mind off of everything?”

“Something? Like what?” Misato spun around in the wheely chair she was sitting in.

“Hmm, not sure. I’m okay with whatever you are, though.”

“Wanna come over for dinner?” Misato didn’t even realize that she had asked the question until the words had already left her lips. 

“Dinner? As long as you serve me on a golden plate and with a silver spoon, I’d be more than happy to.” she smiled.

“No gold, but if you count cheap metal as silver, I can give you that.”

“Sounds fair.” Ritsuko laughed, “Tonight at seven sound good?”

“Sounds perfect!”

--

It wasn’t until Misato got home that she remembered two things:

1. It was her day to cook dinner
2. She didn’t know how to cook dinner

As soon as Shinji got home, she told him the news, and the pair scrambled about to try and get things into place as fast as possible. Shinji offered to cook, but Misato didn’t let him, it was her night to do it and she wanted to at least try and do it right. If it worked, Ritsuko would be proud of her. If it didn’t, then at least she would know that Misato made an effort. 

“Are you nervous?” Shinji asked as he set the table.

“She’s my best friend, I shouldn’t be.” Misato moved her favorite chair over to the table.

“‘You shouldn’t be’ isn’t the same as ‘you aren’t’.” 

“Alright kid, look in my eyes and take a wild guess if I’m nervous or not.” Shinji glanced up, and dropped it as soon as he saw Misato’s fast-blinking eyes and shifting jaw. Hopefully, the evening would go well. She was nervous, (she would be lying if she wasn’t) but she was also excited. Any time spent with Ritsuko was time well spent, after all.

When the doorbell rang, Misato was the one to open it. Ritsuko looked nice, wearing a tank top with a cardigan over it and some jean shorts. It wasn’t fair how beautiful she was, in all honesty. Misato felt like nothing next to her. 

“Hope I’m not intruding on anything?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, shut up.” Misato swatted at her shoulder playfully, trying to hide her annoyance. For the last goddamn time, she was NOT interested in Shinji.

“Okay, but in all seriousness, thanks for having me over.” Misato stepped aside, and Ritsuko walked in, taking her shoes off and leaving them by the door. 

“Hey Shinji, nice to see you.” Ritsuko called out. The boy looked over and smiled, bowing his head slightly. 

“So, what’s on the menu for tonight?” She asked, taking a seat at the head of the table. In reality,

it meant nothing, and Misato knew that, but something about the way that she sat down like she belonged there was so inexplicably hot. 

“Instant ramen and curry, sorry to disappoint.” Misato had decided that she’d rather play it safe than sorry. One day, she’d get good enough at cooking to make Ritsuko a six course meal of everything from sushi to tri-tip steak, but for now, cheap, high-sodium food would have to suffice. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s just nice to get out of my damn apartment.” She smiled again, and Misato thought she was going to melt. Ritsuko hadn’t even been here for five goddamn minutes, tonight was going to be the death of her. 

“Wel, let’s eat!” Misato clasped her hands together and smiled. Shinji opened up the rice cooker and spooned some onto everyone’s plate, while Misato gave them curry and their ramen. Misato watched, hopefully, as Ritsuko took a bite of her food. Now was the moment of truth.

And based on the look on Ritsuko’s face, it didn’t look like a very good sign. Luckily, Misato was good at acting oblivious.

She knew better than to ask about the food, so instead, she opened her ramen, grabbing her portion of curry and dumping it into the soup. Ritsuko sighed. “You’re really going to insist on eating like a two year old, still?”
“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!” Shinji looked about as confused as Ritsuko did too, albeit a bit more disgusted. “Oh, come on, you can’t get this kind of flavor from the curry kind you buy at the convenience store! The secret, if you’re curious, is to add less soup, maybe about half of what the packet recommends.”

“She’s disgusting, isn’t she?” Ritsuko asked Shinji, who nodded in agreement. “She was exactly the same back when we lived together, so I can’t imagine she’ll be willing to let her old habits die very easily.”

“Hm.” Shinji kept on eating. 

“You want a beer or anything?” Misato tried to change the subject. After all, maybe if Ritsuko was a bit drunk, she wouldn’t notice how fucking horrible the food was?

“Oh, I could absolutely go for one right now.” Ritsuko grinned, showing off her teeth, and there was no reason that Misato’s heart should be beating as fast as it suddenly was. 

“Great!” Misato pulled a six-pack of Ebisu out from under the table, cracking two cans open and handing one to her friend. 

The conversation continued on, nothing much of interest happening. Just having Ritsuko in the house was more than enough to make Misato happy though, a sentiment which continued to get stronger as the rest of her emotions began to get fuzzy after she finished her first beer.

“Honestly, Shinji, trust me when I say that I think it would be better for you if you just moved out.” Ritsuko eventually teased.

“Why do you say that?” He asked.

“It’s been, what, a week and a half or so since you started living with Misato? By now, you already know how much of a slob she is.”

“I suppose you do have a point.” Shinji smiled nervously, and Misato could tell Ritsuko was bringing him out of his comfort zone a bit. First time?

“God, you’re one hell of a responsible kid. I say you and Rei move in together and that place’ll look like a sample apartment the entire time.”

“Wh-what?! I don’t know Rei well enough to live with her, that would be really weird, right? Especially because of our age, and-”

“Aww, what’s up? Do you have a crush on her or something?” Misato chimed in, wiggling her eyebrows, before she glanced over at Ritsuko, who wore a similar expression.

“A cr- a crush? Oh, heavens no, I- what are you even talking about? I’ve known her for so little time, that would make no sense!”
Misato burst into laughter. “Ah, I’m sorry Shinji, I’ll let it go, you just get so worked up so easily and it’s adorable, it makes you so much fun to tease!”

“He’s just like you in that regard, Misato.” Ritsuko said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her beer. Misato thought she was going to combust. Does Ritsuko tease me because she thinks I’m cute?!

“AN-Y-WAYS! Enough of bullying poor Shinji and I, if he were to move in with Rei in our little hypothetical, who would live with me? I’ve gotten so used to having a roommate, I’d be incredibly lonely.”

“Maybe Mr. Hyuga from the Bridge?” Now it was Shinji’s turn to smirk.

“Oh, hell no, I’d very much rather choke on my curry and die, thank you very much.” Misato did not need to live with another man, especially one that had a vested interest in her. I don’t want him to become like Him. Unfortunately, I can’t trust myself enough to not let that happen, especially if I fool myself into thinking it’s something that I’m doing for his happiness.

“Hmm, I suppose I could move back in with you, if I suddenly decide I want to become a masochist.” Ritsuko broke character by laughing. “Nah, I’d be more than willing to, it’d be fun.”

Misato prayed to every deity she could think of that she was not turning bright red. The idea of living with Ritsuko made her feel way too many things that she couldn’t name, most of them some form of excitement. If things stayed the way they were between them, she’d pick living with Hyuga over Ritsuko any day. At the very least, she could restrain herself if they were together. With Ritsuko, however, Misato would be confessing her undying love for the woman within two hours of her moving in.

“Okay, maybe it’s about time we moved on from this little alternate universe we’ve got going on. I think we’ve teased Shinji about his crush on Rei enough for one night.” Misato tried her best at changing the subject yet again, knowing all too well what would happen if she let herself dwell on that train of thought for too long.

“Oh, and speaking of Rei, that just reminded me: Shinji, her old ID card just expired, and I forgot to give her her new one today before I left. Would you mind giving it to her at school tomorrow or something? It would mean a lot.” Ritsuko reached into her purse which was lying on the ground beside her and pulled out an ID card, handing it to Shinji.

“Of course, it wouldn’t be a problem at all!”
“Thanks a lot, you’re a lifesaver, seriously.”

“Y’know, I could just go and drop it off at her apartment right now, if it would mean she gets it sooner.” Misato was taken aback. He was not about to leave her alone with Ritsuko when she was Not Sober.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, this wasn’t my attempt at trying to get rid of you or anything.”

“No, seriously, I don’t mind. The more I think about it, in fact, the more I like the idea of going for a little night time walk. It sounds relaxing.”

“Well, if you’re sure, I don’t think either of us are gonna stop you.”

“Yeah, what Ritsuko said, if you really wanna go, feel free.” Misato looked Shinji in the eyes, and he gave her a knowing smile. Oh, this little shit.  “Just be careful.” 

“I will be, don’t worry!” Shinji stood up, walking over to the door. “I shouldn’t be terribly long, maybe an hour at most?” 

“Sounds good. Have fun.” Ritsuko winked, and Shinji turned about as red as Misato felt. Looks like she wasn’t the only person the doctor was having an effect on tonight.

“You got it.” Shinji smiled back at them one last time, before closing the door behind him. Now, Misato and Ritsuko were officially alone in Misato’s apartment, and Ristuko was wearing clothes that made her more beautiful than what should be humanly possible, and Misato was tipsy and in love and one hundred percent certain that she was going to do something stupid. 

“It’s good to see that he still has plenty of enthusiasm for the job. I was a bit worried he might be less motivated after what happened.”

“If anything he’s definitely gained some. It’s good to see him so eager though, I agree.” Misato couldn’t quite decide if she was happy that the pair were sticking to a topic as safe as Shinji, or if she was a bit annoyed that they couldn’t talk about anything else.

“Anyways, need any help cleaning up?” Ritsuko stood up, grabbing her dishes from her spot at the table. 

“Why, so you can leave sooner?” Misato regretted the words as soon as she said them, even though not a hint of the fact that that was something she was legitimately worried about leaked through into her speech. 

“I’m afraid you’re not gonna be able to get rid of me just yet, unless you’re tired and want to go to sleep or something.” 

“No, no, not at all!” Misato busied herself with collecting as much of the dishes as she could carry and hauling them into the kitchen. “Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.”

“Not at all, don’t worry about it.” Misato turned the water on, and started scrubbing the food remains away, Ritsuko coming up beside her. 

“I can dry and put them in the right recycling, if you want.” She offered with a small smile. Misato felt her heart speed up again. 

“Sure.” she responded.

They worked in silence for a while, and it felt warm and comforting, like they were real girlfriends doing dishes together. God, since when had something so boring become romantic in Misato’s eyes, was she really that in love with the woman who was next to her?

After they finished, Misato turned the water off, only to see Ritsuko handing her the towel. “Thanks.” she said, drying her hands.

“That’s probably about as close to that bath as we’re ever going to get.” Ritsuko laughed, and Misato felt her heartbeat start to race again. She had completely forgotten about that phone call, but leave it to Ritsuko to bring something so sensitive up at a moment that would affect Misato profoundly.  

“I was the only one whose hands were even under the water though.” Misato joked, torn between wanting to leave caution to the wind and wanting to script out everything she said to a T.

“Guess you’ll have to make it up to me somehow.” Ritsuko teased, and for once, Misato could not hide her blush. Make it up? Okay, like, make it up how? Make it up like “Here, run your hands under the water”? No, that’s stupid and makes no sense. Make it up like actually take a bath with her? No, I can’t do that, that would be weird, because that is not a thing that friends do.
“Misato, did I make you uncomfortable? Shit, I’m sorry. I honestly shouldn’t have said anything in the first place, I was a little tipsy that night, but that really isn’t an excuse, and I definitely shouldn’t have brought it up again just now.”

“What, no no no no no, you didn’t make me uncomfortable!” Misato snapped back to attention. “In all honesty, Rits, I don’t think that it’s possible for you to make me uncomfortable. It’s all in good fun, seriously.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you just yes-ing me because you think it’s what I want. You have a bad habit of doing that, after all.” Ritsuko looked genuinely concerned and sorry, and the sight just about tore Misato’s heart in two. 

“I’m positive. Trust me, if you were saying anything that weirded me out, I’d tell you.” 

“That’s good to know.” Ritsuko smiled gently.

“Anyways, about that rain check, I could run a bath for you right now if you want. It’s been a long day, and you really deserve a break.” Another thing that Misato regretted as soon as she said. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? All you can do is use other people for yourself.

“Oh Misato, are you sure? I don’t want to force you into doing something for me when you’d probably have more fun talking or something.”

“Rits, come on, you always work so hard for everybody, let me do something nice for you. If you’re really concerned about my happiness, seeing you happy makes me happy, capiche?” It was the most truthful thing Misato had told her all night. 

Ritsuko took the inner portion of her cheek into her mouth, and it was adorable. “If you’re certain, I’d love that, I’m not gonna lie. I haven’t taken a proper bath in ages.”

“Alright, great! Just wait here, I’ll get you a towel and all that while the bath fills.”

There was usually always something on Misato’s mind, more often that not it was a mix of multiple things, like a TV show and song lyrics, or a book she was reading and song lyrics, or some clothes she bought and song lyrics. 

There were almost always song lyrics.

Tonight, however was the exception, as seemed to be the running theme. For the first time she could remember, Misato had no thoughts echoing around in her head. She turned the hot water on meticulously and took the laundry she had hanging up and put it in her drawer (the last thing she needed Ritsuko to see was all the fancy underwear she had but only wore to feel good about herself.) Her head was so quiet, in fact, that it almost hurt, the rushing of the water coming out of the faucet being the only thing that tethered her to reality. She lit a few candles, and stopped the faucet once the water level was high enough. Then, she opened the linen closet in her bathroom, set out a towel, walked out into the living room, where Ritsuko sat waiting on her phone.

“Alrighty, take as long as you need, I’m gonna read or something, maybe check up on PenPen.” Misato smiled brightly, doing whatever she could to mask up the uncomfortable feeling of emptiness inside of her. 

“Thank you Misato, seriously. I won’t be terribly long.” Ritsuko turned her phone off and went to stand up, Misato leaning over to help her. Ritsuko’s skin was warm, and it felt pleasant to have contact with her.

“Thank you.” Ritsuko parroted herself, and headed into the bathroom, closing the door to Misato’s room, and just like when Shinji had headed out earlier, she was now incredibly aware of how alone she was.

The main difference, though, between the two different times, was how horny she was.

Misato sat on the couch, pressing her legs together and staring at the blank TV in front of her. Maybe her libido was screaming because she was bored, or maybe (and more likely) it was because the most gorgeous woman in the entire universe is naked two doors down in my own bathtub and she absolutely looks majestic and ethereal and I want to see her so badly it isn’t even funny. Misato clenched up her thighs, pushing them together to try and temporarily suppress her feelings. These were going to be the longest minutes in ages.

Misato stood up again, restless, and decided to try and see what PenPen was up to. After all, maybe if she was distracted by her pet, arguably one of the most unsexy things in the world, maybe she would calm down? It was wishful thinking, but definitely worth a shot.

Misato walked over to PenPen’s freezer by the balcony.It was supposed to be a place where you could put storage bins or something, but it had made for the perfect place for Misato to haul an old freezer into the apartment and set up a place for the penguin. Pressing the little red button on the side, Misato opened the door, hopeful the penguin would be willing to roll a ball around with her or something. 

Unfortunately for her, PenPen was fast asleep, and he didn’t look like he was going to be waking up anytime soon. Dejected, she closed the freezer, and returned to the couch, where she began to mindlessly scroll through social media.

I wonder how majestic Ritsuko looks with all that water on her body. Probably perfect. I wanna run my hands along her skin, I need to. Misato sighed, shaking her head and slapping her cheeks to try and pull herself out of it. She was not going to jack off in her living room while her best friend slash crush was taking a bath in the other room.

Okay, well maybe she could. After all, wouldn’t the thought of the insanely hot, insanely beautiful, and insanely sexy Ritsuko Akagi bathing in Misato’s own house help her come for once? She knew it was a bad idea, probably one of the worst she’d ever had, in fact, but there was something so appealing about it. 

In the end, Misato chose to watch a documentary on the mass migrations to Alaska, northern Canada, and Greenland in the aftermath of the Second Impact. It was nothing she didn’t know already, but it was definitely helpful in getting her mind off of the woman in her bathroom. People and their thought patterns, habits, and ways of life were one of the few things that greatly interested Misato, so it wasn’t a monolithic task to get her absorbed to the point where she completely forgot about the world around her. For thirty or so blissful minutes, it was just her, David the reporter, and the dozen or so people who he and his film team interviewed.

Misato, in fact, got so engrossed in the show that she didn’t even realize Ritsuko was calling her until her voice became a bit sharper. 

“MISATO!” Startled, Misato paused the documentary, heart thumping from the unexpected interruption. 

“Is everything okay? Sorry, I was watching something.” she called out.

“Yeah, I just was wondering if you could maybe bring me the little bottle of lotion I have in my purse? I’m trying to get in the habit of using it more.”

“Oh, yeah, totally, hold on!” 

“Thanks!”
Ritsuko’s purse was still by her spot at the table, so Misato grabbed it, rummaging past her friend’s wallet, keys, various ID cards, mints, three cough drops, half-empty bottle of hand gel, nail clippers, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter (Misato really had to encourage her to drop the nasty habit) until she finally arrived at the little bottle of lotion. It had vanilla beans on it, and a couple of skeuomorphic flowers adorned the sides of the label. It was cute, and so very Ritsuko. Grabbing the lotion and Ritsuko’s purse, (in case she got the wrong one and there was more than one bottle) Misato headed into her bedroom to go into its adjacent bathroom.

Once she got in the room, a lot of things happened at once. 

To start off with, Ritsuko was not in the bathroom anymore, as Misato had assumed, and instead was standing with nothing but a towel around her, and Misato’s brain short-circuited. Her face flushed bright red at the beautiful woman, with her wet hair and smooth skin and her goddamn long, flawless legs that Misato just wanted to kiss her way up until she got past the end of that stupid towel. 

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry, I-”

“Misato, don’t worry, I wouldn’t have called you if I wasn’t comfortable.” Ritsuko reassured her, and she smiled again and looked exactly like what Heaven did. 

Secondly, Misato started walking forward to hand Ritsuko the lotion and get out of the room before she did something she regretted, but that turned out to be impossible, because as soon as she started heading over to Ritsuko, she tripped over her own two feet (she probably wasn’t paying attention because of the way her head was swelling). When she tripped, she happened to be right near her dresser, and she also happened to not have closed her drawer all the way earlier when she put her underwear away, and she also happened to have Ritsuko’s purse slung over her shoulder, and when all these factors added up somehow Misato had managed to trip, get the purse caught on her underwear drawer, which in turn sent it and everything in it flying out, which caused her to trip and fall forward and push Ritsuko to the ground and send her towel falling down to expose her chest and now Misato Katsuragi was straddling a topless Ritsuko Akagi -- the most beautiful woman in the world -- in her bedroom at 8:16 PM on a Tuesday night. 

They could’ve been looking at each other for five seconds or five hours, it didn’t really matter, because time stopped all the same for Misato. This was easily the most embarrassing situation she’d ever been in, no doubt about it, but the first thought on her mind should not have been that Ritsuko looked like a Greek statue and was even more beautiful than Misato could’ve ever imagined. The expanse of her skin (at least what Misato could see) was flawless, and practically screaming at her to run her hands along it. And of course, her breast was gorgeous, and insanely hot. A little bigger than Misato’s own, it looked like every renaissance painting and sunset and reverie Misato had ever seen. Somehow more proof that Ritsuko was perfect, a goddess walking among men.

As for her other breast, well…

“Umm…” 

It was rare that Misato wished she had just been killed back when she was a kid, but this was one of those times. On top of everything else that had happened, Misato’s left hand had managed to land directly on top of Ritsuko’s right breast, and now it was right in her hand, and because she was paying attention, she could feel the warmth radiating from it, feel the little peak of her nipple rubbing against the palm of her hand. It should not have sent such a sharp wave of arousal through her.

“Oh my God, I…” Stiffly, Misato climbed off of Ritsuko, her face bright red and her eyes staring at the floor. She held her hand out to help the other woman up, still averting her gaze, She was never going to live this one down, ever.

“Ritsuko, I…” Misato trailed off, what the hell could she possibly say that would make this situation even remotely okay? 

“I… was not expecting that.” Ritsuko eventually managed.

“I didn’t mean it, I’m serious, that was not something I did on purpose.”

“I don’t blame you, it was an accident.”

“I should probably let you get changed… I’ll be outside…”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“God, just how much have you had to drink? You really aren’t that bothered by this?”

“Am I embarrassed? Yeah, but it’s fair to say we both are. And it’s not like you’re somebody I can’t trust. If this had been anybody else, I don’t think I would’ve ever shown my face ever again, so hey, you have that going for you.”

“Well hey, at least one positive from all of this, I know you trust me.” Misato smiled gently, trying to make herself feel better. “Well, that, and you get to make fun of me for having all of this pretty underwear nobody ever gets to see me in because I’m a lonely little bitch.”

“Why on earth would I make fun of you for that?” Ritsuko was getting into her clothes now, and Misato turned to face the wall, knowing very well what any more attention she paid towards Ritsuko and her ethereal body would do to her. “If it’s what makes you feel good, that’s not weird. You’re acting like you’re the only one in this room who does that, anyways.”

Armed with the knowledge that Ritsuko wore sexy underwear because it made her feel as sexy as Misato saw her as was about all she could take. “Hey, you wanna watch a movie or something?” she asked, hoping the question came off as nonchalant and not a desperate ploy to change the subject.

“Hm? Totally, you got anything in mind?” Luckily, Ritsuko was dressed by now, and turned to Misato, who began to work on cleaning up the contents of her drawer. 

“Not really, we can just browse the selections, if you want?” Misato wasn’t being very neat with putting the clothes away, she was more so just grabbing them and tossing them in the drawer, but hey, she was getting the job done. 

“Sounds good.” Ritsuko smiled, and Misato’s heart sped up again.

The movie was boring, at least to Misato. She instead opted to pay attention to Ritsuko’s presence beside her. It was nice. 

A cat died in the movie, and Ritsuko grabbed Misato’s hand, and she was so happy she thought that she was going to follow suit.

--

The next day was Rei’s reactivation test, and although Misato was worried she was going to have another panic attack, this time in front of Shinji, no less, she didn’t show it. She and Shinji stood in the hall outside of the test room, waiting for the results. With the lack of loud noises, everything sounded like it was going alright, thankfully.

At least, until they weren’t, yet again.

This time, it wasn’t related to Unit-00, but a surprise angel attack. Much like twenty-four days prior, a lot of the lead up to the fight was a blur. Somehow, Shinji and Rei got ready to go up, and Misato arrived at the Central Dogma. Ritsuko grabbed her hand and told her it was going to be okay, that even though she was already high-strung, things were going to work out.

Then Shinji went up, and the pyramid-shaped angel hit Unit-01 with a beam of energy. The LCL inside of the tube started boiling. Shinji screamed. Misato collapsed.

Chapter Text

She had never liked fire. Whenever he’d light a fire in the fireplace, she’d hide by burying herself in the cushions of the couch, and everytime the wood would crackle or pop, she’d scream, which would cause the dog to bark, which would make her cry even harder. He’d offered to let her move the logs around with some of the “fire tools” as she called them, but after she had a nightmare that there was a second fireplace that was connected to the first, on the top of the right wall of the original with another fire going and somebody stuck in there, meaning she’d have to crawl through two fireplaces to save the person, she refused all the same. 

The second fireplace ended up really messing her up. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel the burning heat, the way she wanted to scream but couldn’t, as she felt her lungs melting off. The way her heart and her head hurt more than her body ever could, and the way that she would never ever recover. 

But she still wanted to poke the firewood around with the fire tools, just to satisfy her curiosity, and to show herself that she could, indeed, do it. It was embarrassing that she never had, up to this point. Maybe it was never too late to try.

And she stood back up. She wasn’t going to be incompetent for the upteenth time, not in front of Ritsuko, not in front of the Bridge Crew, not in front of Gendo, not in front of herself. This time, she was going to stand on her own, and nobody was going to stabilize her. 

“Get Shinji back down here, hurry!” she cried. Somebody heeded her call, and the Eva was brought back down. According to the metrics on the screens, Shinji looked about as good as it did, what with its warped armor plates and sections that were completely burnt out, but if Misato could survive that second fireplace, Shinji could sure as hell survive this. 

Medical got dispatched immediately, and Misato ran down to the cage to assess Shinji’s situation. He was a mess, burns all over her body in a way that sickened her stomach, but he was getting oxygen already, along with access to world-class medical care, so he would be okay, and nothing would probably last. 

She walked with him and the nurse down to the ER. She felt a sense of hope when he went through the doors into the ICU. He’d be okay, she had no doubt about it. 

Flying back up countless flights of stairs, Misato made her way back to the Bridge. She had a few things that she wanted to try out on that angel, and the more time she wasted standing around, the worse the situation was going to be.

--

Misato had never been good at math (it was something she’d always admired Ritsuko for) but even though everything about the situation ended up seeming like a math problem she’d read in her textbook back in high school, the path that NERV needed to take was abundantly clear. She visualized the entire situation like the hardest problem on a test in her Pre-Calculus class, and strangely enough, it seemed to do the trick. Maybe Ritsuko was rubbing off on her more than she thought, or maybe she was just so determined and hyper focused on solving the issue that writing it out in a way that was as straightforward as math was the most obvious path for her to take.

PROBLEM:

 The fifth angel (Ramiel) is one of, if not the most, complex target that NERV has ever needed to face. Given the following information, find the path to defeat with the highest percentage of success. (Show your work).

VARIABLES:

 -Ramiel will destroy the Eva on sight if given enough time (time necessary ≈ 2 seconds) (as shown with the 1/1 balloon dummy test) with positron lasers (roughly equal to 100 MeV)

-Ramiel has the ability to deflect incoming bullets from technology as powerful as a 600 caliber barrel from a German Type 12 Self-Propelled Mortar (Karl-Gerät) 

-Ramiel’s AT Field is so powerful that it can be seen by the naked eye

SHOW YOUR WORK HERE

CHALLENGES AND CONSTRAINTS:

-Ramiel is currently using a drill to attempt to attack NERV HQ directly for unknown reasons. Given its current process, it will have penetrated the 22nd level of armor and reached the GeoFront at 06:54 JST, roughly eleven hours from now

-Given the extremely hostile nature of Ramiel, the best and most viable option would be to attack from afar, however, given the nature of its AT Field, this would be impossible unless NERV had access to a positron ray with power that exceeded that of 100 MeV. Currently, the most powerful laser that the technology department has access to is one that is 70 MeV (source: Dr. Akagi)

-The power of Ramiel’s AT Field is estimated to be equal to roughly 10,000 gigawatts of electricity (source: Maya Ibuki) There is currently no way that NERV could temporarily disable it to get a clear shot to the face. Additionally, no weak point within the AT Field has been noticed by MAGI (source: Dr. Akagi)

POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:

-The best and most realistic solution would be to acquire a positron ray that exceeds 500 MeV in force. However, no such positron ray currently exists anywhere in the world, let alone somewhere that NERV could get access to within the next few hours. Dr. Akagi has noted that if given the materials, she could construct a positron ray as powerful as that within the time given. (source: Dr. Akagi) Current sources of electricity that exceed 500 MeV include:

• The country of Japan (source: Makoto Hyuga)

SOLUTION:

Taking energy from all of Japan, NERV will construct a positron laser of roughly 10,000 MeV in strength. Electricity will be taken from every major power grid in the country, and will be connected by road to the systems set in place at the base of Mt. Futago, where NERV’s technology department will construct the largest positron laser in history under the guidance of Dr. Akagi in an operation that is henceforth to be referred to as Operation Yakushima.

RATE OF SUCCESS: 8.7% (source: Dr. Akagi)

And by some insane, benign miracle, Gendo had approved the plan. The government had bowed to Misato’s request. Operation Yakushima was in full swing. Misato felt more powerful and more self-assured than she ever had in the past. 8.7% rate of success be damned, this plan was going to work, or Misato would die trying.

--

Shinji was awake. He was alright, and though shaken up, agreed to get back in the Eva. He was going to fire the shot, and Rei was going to provide back-up in Unit-00. The base was set up. Ritsuko had spent the past six hours working on constructing the laser, while Misato was in charge of logistics. It had been hard work, and more tiring than anything Misato had done since she could remember. On a normal day, she’d be crying because of how demanding everything was, but now, just for this once, she was so high on adrenaline and self-confidence, that she was more awake than she’d ever been in her entire life. This was going to work , and Misato knew it would. 

The clock struck twelve. Six hours and fifty-four minutes until they were fucked, but they’d have defeated Ramiel long before then. 

“Alright you two, just wait for instructions from us. Shinji, follow the info you see on your screen. Rei, if things look dire, shield him for us, got it?” Misato called out into the microphone.

“Roger.” both children replied. 

Now came the waiting game. Misato stood next to Ristuko as they watched the screen get its readings on Ramiel. Things were looking good. 

The signal turned green. Ritsuko tapped Misato twice. 

“FIRE!” Misato called out. Shinji listened, pulling the trigger. The ground shook. Ritsuko cried out and fell, and Misato had half the mind to think that it was one of the most adorable sounds she’d ever heard. Then she fell too. (Not stradling Ritsuko this time around, thank the Lord.)

Eventually, the shaking stopped, and the man-made earthquake was no more. Misato was quick on her feet, using Hyuga’s chair as support to pull herself up. “Did we get it?” she cried, hopefully.

The dust on the cameras settled, and Ramiel let out another shriek. The alarms went off. 

“The angel’s breached the Geo-Front!” Hyuga called out. This early?!

“We missed? How?” 8.7% isn’t a lot, and there’s a limited amount of times we can shoot. Her subconscious reminded her. Misato shut it down. She wasn’t going to fail, not tonight, and not ever. 

“Doesn’t matter, we can still fire again.” Ritsuko tried to get up, and Misato quickly ran over and helped her to her feet. 

“You heard her, when the time is right again, fire a second time!” Misato ordered. “Hurry, we need to get this done now!” 

“Redirecting the energy as we speak!” Hyuga responded.

“Shit, we’ve got another high energy reading from the target!” Maya’s voice broke a silence that wasn’t there. FUCK!

“NO GET DOWN!” Misato screamed, but it was too late, Ramiel fired again. “SHINJI!” 

It was hot in that second fireplace. More white-hot and burning than she could’ve ever imagined. She couldn’t scream, she couldn’t cry. Her lungs were melting off. She was going to die, and she deserved it. Once upon a time, she’d wanted it. She didn’t anymore. She felt stupid for ever having had that desire in the first place. All she wanted was for all of the pain inside of her to disappear, not for her herself to. Now, it was too late; her wish was coming true, and she was powerless to stop it. 

Unit-01 wasn’t hit. Something was blocking the laser’s path to the target, that something being Unit-00 and Rei Ayanami, holding a large metal shield. 

“AYANAMI!!” Shinji cried out. Misato bit her lip and ignored her stomach doing flips. She wasn’t tied down to that burning hot fire place, not now and not ever. 

“That shield of hers isn’t going to hold!” Ritsuko warned.

“HOW MUCH LONGER?!” Tears welled up in Misato’s eyes, from fear and memories or from adrenaline she couldn’t tell, but she didn’t care to. 

“Ten seconds!” Hyuga responded. Misato bit her lip, not caring if it bled, she desperately needed something to tether her to reality right now. 

“Come on…” Misato silently prayed. Maybe He’d listen this time. Especially because it isn’t me that I’m worried about. 

The target lined up, and before Misato could say anything, Shinji pulled the trigger. The laser shot, and all 10,000 MeV of power collided with the target. Ramiel fell to the ground, defeated.

“YES! GOT HIM!!!” Misato pumped both of her arms so hard and sudden that her elbows popped, a satisfying sensation. 

Rei and Unit-00 soon fell too, but unlike twenty-four days ago, her readings were clearly stable, and she wasn’t passed out or in any type of pain. Misato turned to Ritsuko, who was smiling. Maybe, aside from saving the world, that sight made all of her work worth it.

--

“I’m really proud of you, Misato.” 

The two women were sitting on one of the platforms outside of the base, admiring the stars with the lack of light pollution from the cities. Gendo had told both of them to get some rest for the rest of the night, they’d be called if they were needed, and rest they took. 

“Ritsuko, this is much my victory as it is yours. All that math, the construction of the laser, none of this would’ve been possible without you.”

“And none of that would’ve been possible without you. You’re the one who did all the logistics. It would have been impossible for me to have gotten any work done without you there.”

“God, I can’t believe I did it, I really… I really just don’t know what to say.” The stars were calming and beautiful.

“You don’t need to.” Ritsuko re-assured her. She looked stunning under the moonlight. The only kind of beauty that would ever rival or surpass that of the stars. 

Misato looked back up at the sky. Her heart sped up a bit as she got an idea. She’d already done so much today, after all, that this felt like nothing in comparison. (It also felt like everything though; how was that even possible?)

Misato slid her hand over towards Ritsuko. She almost burst into the happiest of tears when she felt her best friend take it. They sat there for a bit longer, just watching the sky in it’s eternal dance and feeling the warmth of each other’s fingers. 

Chapter Text

The next couple of days may as well have been heaven. Misato and Ritsuko spent almost all of their breaks together, just enjoying each other’s company and letting their hands drift closer and closer together until someone’s fingers slipped between the other’s and their hands were together. It was through this that Misato found out two very interesting things: Ritsuko’s hands were very cold, and Misato’s were very good at warming her up, and that if she moved her fingers just right, she could feel Ritsuko’s heart beat, which was always fast and excited. It worked to help convince Misato that Ritsuko maybe, possibly, felt the same way as her.

Feeling her heart beat also made it easier for Misato to imagine what Ritsuko’s hand would feel like in more… intimate situations, so she also started staying up late, putting her fingers and her vibrator to good use. 

The morning after one of these particular types of late nights, Misato woke up after about two hours of sleep and countless failed attempts at bringing herself to orgasm, stammering into the kitchen, opening a beer, and slathering a piece of bread in cream cheese.

“Are you really drinking at 7:30 in the morning?” Shinji asked, sipping his coffee with an angry expression on his face. From the looks of it, he was annoyed, but Misato was too tired and happy to care. 

“Hey, I’ll have you know that our ancestors used to start every morning off with breakfast and a glass of sake, so maybe it’s the times and your ideas of what and what isn’t right that’re off, and not my actions.” She swigged the beer, and finished it rather quickly.

“Seems unlikely.” Shinji bit his lip. “Are you really gonna come to school today?” He stood up, taking his now-empty cup to the sink and washing it. Misato grabbed her bread and took advantage of the empty table by climbing up onto it, swinging her feet and chewing on her breakfast absentmindedly. It felt good to just let all her energy out and not have to worry about anything. 

“Duh, it’s your future plans meeting! Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“You seriously don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“All part of the job.” Misato focused her attention to the swinging of her feet and the way the air kissed the edges of her ankles. Out of all of her jobs, loving Shinji had to be her second-favorite. But hey, first place was pretty hard to beat, and Shinji wasn’t Ritsuko, so he had to settle for taking the silver medal on this one. Loving Ritsuko was just the most normal and natural thing Misato had ever done, and it wasn’t leaving first place any time soon.

“All part of the job, huh…” Shinji’s words caught Misato’s attention, drawing her ears towards him much like the cream cheese drew her attention towards her mouth. 

“Yeah!” she sang, finally opting to swallow her food. 

“I’ll see you later, I guess.” Shinji turned around and grabbed his bag by the door, before slipping his shoes on and heading out. It didn’t occur to Misato that what she said could be misconstrued until after he was gone.

She called NERV to tell them to keep an eye on him in case he tried to run away again. She could apologize later.

--

When Shinji left, Misato had five hours until she had to be at his school for the meeting. Because she ended up falling asleep on the couch, though, she actually ended up with two. In the end, it wasn’t a very big deal. She made herself a sandwich -- something a little more substantial than bread and cream cheese -- before she showered and decided on what to wear to the meeting.

And that was where the trouble began. Despite being relatively confident in her outward appearance, Misato wasn’t quite sure just what it was that she wanted to wear to the meeting. She debated calling Ritsuko to ask for help, but for whatever reason, the prospect of that was far too embarrassing. Leave it to Misato to be able to hold this woman’s hand but be far too embarrassed to call her and ask for fashion advice. 

It took some time, but Misato eventually settled on a yellow skirt and blazer with a white shirt underneath it. She applied some light make up and, upon looking in the mirror, decided she looked hot. 

>whaddya think?? :-) !!

Apparently, hot enough to warrant sending Ritsuko a picture.

<My goodness, you look absolutely amazing!

<The ensemble for Shinji’s future plans meeting, I presume?

>hehe, got it

<You are going to easily be the best dressed in that entire building

>finally, it’s my turn for once (◔_◔)

<Misato, you always look great

>can’t be best dressed if i’m in a building with you though (◔_◔)(◔_◔)(◔_◔)

<What, you think my lab coat is the hottest in fashion all of a sudden?

>you make it work,,,, shut up

>also ur good at looking good and you know it shut up >:-(

<Flatterer. How much sleep did you get last night?

>rits rits i’m not tired i swear up and down

<How much did you have to drink?

>riiiiiiiiiiiiiiits shut up

<I’m joking, don’t worry

>good, you’d better have been (◔_◔)(◔_◔)

>i will continue to overuse the eyeroll emoji

<You act like this is something new

>shhhhhhuut up!!!!!

<You look amazing though, I mean it

>awww thank you for real

<I need to get back to work, unfortunately. I try not to text when I’m not on break but I suppose I can make exceptions for you

>yeah go and do that!! have a good day sorry im not coming in until later today :/

<No worries, you have other work to do! And as always, I’ll let you know if you’re needed

>okay!! 

Ritsuko’s words almost felt as good as the stares of the boys at the school once Misato pulled up. Nothing did wonders to her confidence like men giving her positive attention. Something she’d be sure not to mention to Ritsuko whenever they met again.

--

Shinji’s meeting actually took only a few minutes. The teacher, some old man, asked Shinji what he wanted to do, and he said he didn’t know. He asked Misato what she wanted him to do and she said whatever made him happy. The teacher asked if Shinji’s work at NERV made him happy. Shinji said he didn’t know. Misato said he could keep doing it full-time after graduation if he wanted to. Shinji said he did. The teacher said that it sounded like a plan, and that he was in a “unique situation”. And the meeting ended, just like that.

It ended so early, in fact, that Misato only wore the outfit for about an hour in total. A bit disappointing, but at the very least Ritsuko thought she was pretty.

“Why are you dressed like that?” Shinji asked on the way home.

“Dressed like what?” she asked, turning down the radio so she could hear him better.

“Like… I don’t know, you work for the government or something?” he responded, opting to drum his fingers on the side panel of the car.

“Why not? Might as well look good.”

“Was this to impress Ritsuko?” 

“Wh-what? No way!” Misato was normally a good liar, but apparently Shinji saw through her.

“You don’t need to dress like this in order to get her attention, you know.” Was it Misato’s imagination, or was he still annoyed?

“I mean, it works…” Misato trailed off, at this point giving up trying to pretend she was dressed this way for any reason other than attention.

“Do you know how weird it is to have all your friends be talking about how hot you are, and constantly begging me for a shot at you?” 

Misato tried to bite her lip to contain a smile. She knew that reveling in the attention these boys gave her was wrong, but it really made her feel good. It’s all because of Him. 

“Miss Misato, I seriously-” Shinji cut himself off, taking a deep breath. “Never mind, whatever.” he said. Misato spared him a glance and kept on driving home, the only sound coming from the 80s music playing on her car stereo. Teenage hormones were wild things.

Not long after Misato got back home and changed for work, her phone rang, lighting up with Ritsuko’s name. Ecstatic for no real reason, Misato picked up, a huge smile on her face. 

“Heya Rits!” Was she coming off too strong?

“Hi Misato, is this a bad time?” She sounded tentative.

“No, not at all! The meeting took like, what, ten minutes? I’m back at home already and was just about to head over.”

“Well, that’s good to hear. Listen, I was wondering if you could bring Shinji in today. I think it’s about time we tell him.”

“Tell him what? There’s like eighty different things we could tell him.”

“Tell him…” Ritsuko sighed, as if she didn’t know quite how she wanted to word her sentences. “Tell him about the true cause of the Second Impact. He deserves to know.”

“Oh. Okay.” Misato’s heart sped up and she felt a strange sensation in her eyes, almost as if they were preparing tears, but not quite sure if they should let them fall.

“I’d let you tell him, but I’m not sure if it’d be best to do that alone.”

“In case he has any more, like, technical questions or whatever?” Misato began to wiggle her right foot around in a circle.

“In case it’s too much for you.” Ritsuko said at last. Oh. 

“I know you’ve said that the events happened so long ago that they don’t even seem like they happened to you, but talking about these kinds of things in detail can… bring memories back. I don’t want you to be alone if that happens, and I certainly don’t want you to be with anybody but me if it does.”

“Ritsuko, I…” Misato could hardly believe her ears. Ritsuko wanted to be by Misato’s side if push came to shove. “Thank you. I’m okay to head over now, if that’ll work for you. I know you weren’t expecting us to be done already, sorry.”

“That’s perfectly fine. See you soon.”

“Yeah, totally!” Misato hung up, and sighed, biting her lip. Not necessarily at the top of her to-do list today, but telling Shinji about the truth of the Second Impact was going to need to happen sooner or later. Better to get it out of the way now, as opposed to worrying about it for God knows how long.

--

In the bottom right corner of her skirt drawer, there was a tape recorder, and on the tape recorder, was a message that was five minutes and forty-one point seven seconds in length. She was sentimental, always had been, but never quite like this. She never looked at it, but she couldn’t dream of throwing it out. A piece of history too dark to look at. The end of the world as she once knew it. 

Despite not having listened to it in years, she’d memorized it. Committed the lines to memory, words that should have made sense, in theory, but in reality, all they did was pierce her heart. She never thought of every line, though, every individual syllable and every time He hesitated before speaking. Her mind would skip over the information it deemed too irrelevant, too painful. In her mind, the tape was more like quotes she would insert in a Japanese assignment in university: pieces of a whole, tailored to fit the specific needs of one situation, altered ever so slightly so that taken out of context, they could be used anywhere. 

“I always feared that this day would come…” So He knew? He knew, yet He went along with it anyways? What kind of decision was that on His part? He planned to hurt her all along! (That last bit was a bit of a stretch: He’d always been hurting her.)

“The media will be lying to you.” Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup shehatesyoushehatesyoushehatesyou.

“I’ll keep it simple, the impact wasn’t caused by a meteor, it was caused by us. It was manmade, a catastrophic failure to-” SHUT UP SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP YOU’RE HORRIBLE YOU DID NOTHING YOU DID NOTHING YOU DID EVERYTHING!!!

He destroyed the world. She was in pain because of Him. There were half a dozen dark marks on her skin because of Him. He ruined everything. He gave her the pendant. He choked her to death even now. 

You did everything.

She hates you.

--

“And that’s our job as NERV, to defeat the angels that come to fight back against us as a result of the Second Impact and the grave sin we committed. Capiche?”

“I think I understand, yeah.” Shinji seemed to be digesting the information surprisingly well, a hell of a lot better than Misato, to say the least. Even though she knew and had known the truth of the Second Impact for years, it still hurt to think about, a wound that would always ache when scratched at. Deep down, she wished she had Ritsuko’s calm poise, and ability to take things in stride. She wished she had Shinji’s childish naivety, and ability to simply rewrite over what she already knew and not let it bother her too much.
“You okay?” She chose to ask, trying her best to remain nonchalant. Shinji turned around to look at her, standing on the escalator below her next to Ritsuko. He looked thoughtful, obviously still processing the information. 

“I mean, yeah. I want to say it’s a shock, but considering everything that I’ve learned over this past month or so, I can’t really say that it is.” The escalator reached  the floor, and he and Ritsuko stepped off, Misato following shortly after. 

“Well, if you have any questions, Ritsuko and I will do our best to answer them, okay? Don’t be afraid to come to one of us for help, should you need it.” You damn hypocrite.

“Alright, thank you. I appreciate it.” Shinji gave the two women a small smile, before staring off down the hallway longingly. Come to think of it, it was the same hallway where he and Misato had followed Ritsuko’s instructions to find the elevator on the day that he arrived in Tokyo-3. She wondered: was he the same boy now that he had been then? It had only been about thirty days, but they were most likely the most difficult thirty days of his life that he could remember. It took strength to be a pilot, and the whole city really owed it to him. She needed to tell him that more often.

“I think I’m gonna head down and look for Ayanami. I appreciate the history lesson, though, so thank you.” Shinji gave the two women a small smile, before turning around and heading down the hallway, entering an elevator that was already on the floor. 

Misato and Ritsuko watched him go. Once the doors were closed, the doctor turned towards Misato, a gentle smile on her face, easily one of the most beautiful and majestic sights Misato had ever seen. 

“How are you doing?” She asked gently, voice full of concern. 

Misato took a deep breath, letting it out through her nose. “Alright, I suppose. I could be worse.”

“Well hey, that’s something, right? You’re doing better than you feasibly could be in this situation. I’m proud of you.”

The praise filled Misato’s chest with a warm sensation she couldn’t quite name. “Thank you.” She was sure her cheeks were dusted slightly red, but whether or not Ritsuko could notice was still up in the air.

“Of course.” Ritsuko held out both of her hands in front of her, and Misato took them happily, a wide, soft smile spreading across her cheeks as Ritsuko squeezed. Misato followed suit, rocking their hands back and forth slightly. It was calming, and probably the closest she would ever get to dancing with the woman she loved. The thought was a bit sad, she chose to push it aside. For the moment, Misato was serene and happy, and that was all that really mattered. 

They stood there in the hall, just swinging their hands together in silence for a time. They’d hear the escalator start again if it sensed somebody, and hear the doors ding if anybody was in the elevator. The relative privacy was nice, and it felt freeing, in a way, to be this close to Ritsuko somewhere other than her dark office or Misato’s dirty apartment. 

“I actually need to tell you something, while we’re here.”  Ritsuko said at last, breaking the silence. 

Misato hummed in acknowledgement. “What is it?” She focused on the soothing rhythm of their hands swaying like a pendulum and the cool air that blew along their skin, brushing against parts of fingertips that weren’t already brushing against another fingertip. 

“The UN technology department is gonna be holding a conference in Old Tokyo tomorrow, and a lot of different countries are gonna be coming and presenting their versions of Evangelions.”

“Thought that was a trademarked name we had.”

“Off-brand versions, if you will. I think about forty or so different countries are going to be in attendance, but the only ones of note are the Americans’ Californian Protectorate, the German’s Einstein II Gesellschaft, the French’s Societé de DeGaulle, and the EU’s Project for Human Unity.”

“Don’t literally all of those suck?”

“Not all of them, they just aren’t as good as us. The Californian Protectorate has the advantage of being headquartered in Silicon Valley, but two NERV America branches already exist in Nevada and Massachusetts, so they’ve got some pretty hefty competition from us. Einstein faces a similar problem, but with the added fact that NERV’s European base in Hamburg has such a firm hold over the country’s politics. Human Unity has the benefit of being part of the EU, but with both France and Germany having their own projects, it’s been hard to acquire funding to get much of anything done. DeGaulle, on the other hand, is horrible, because the French have been giving more of their loyalty and money to the EU as of late, but I know for fact that the doctor in charge of the project is a force to be reckoned with. The only reason I even mentioned it is because I think it will be fun to see it break apart.”

“Hm, that’ll be interesting to see. Wanna bet on the French project being absorbed into the EU within a year?” Misato was having way too much fun feeding into Ritsuko’s sadistic tendencies.

“Absolutely.” she laughed. 

“Who’s hosting this thing, anyways?” 

“Yuto Takeda, from the Japanese Ministry of Defense.”

Misato stopped short. “Takeda’s back in Japan?”

“Was there a time when he wasn’t?”

Misato looked at her, exasperated. “Dick was with me in Hamburg for the last two years I was stationed there. When I moved back, he was expected to be staying there for the foreseeable future, what the hell changed in two months?”

“Only God knows. What’s his deal?”

“He’s easily the most sexist pig I’ve ever fucking met. Director told me that she would’ve fired his bitch ass if it weren’t for the work he was providing in directing the new personnel. There’s a really huge chance he’s gonna make some comment on you being a woman and-” she cut off, “God, I just HATE him and his stupid fucking grin. Prick doesn’t deserve anything.”

“Hm. Well, if he’s really bad as you say he is, we’ll just have to show him that we don’t play around, won’t we?” Ritsuko got a smirk on her face that was so hot Misato had to keep herself from squeezing her friend’s hands. “Why not make an occasion out of it? Get dressed up, look him in the eye and show him that gender has absolutely no importance in the greatness of a scientific mind.”

“Beat his ass and look hot as hell while doing it… I’ve gotta admit, I love your way of thinking, Rits.” Misato gave her a sadistic smile back, and the way Ritsuko’s eyes grew dark was enthralling. 

“Sounds like a plan then.” This time, Misato did squeeze Ritsuko’s hands, and felt her heart pound as Ritsuko squeezed back. “There’s nothing I hate more than an asshole who thinks women can’t do everything just as well as a man can. Oh, we’ll show him, Misato. We’ll show him.”

--

“Hey, I’m heading out.” Shinji turned to face Misato, and he looked absolutely shocked at the sight before him. Hey, a sign that she looked good, right?

“Where the hell are you going dressed like… that?” he asked, exasperated. 

“Old Tokyo. Gonna be attending a conference there with Ritsuko.”

“On?”

“Other countries’ versions of Evangelions.”

“Good luck…” Shinji watched, stunned, as Misato slipped her shoes on and walked out of the apartment. 

She really didn’t doubt that she looked good. It wasn’t very often that Misato got to wear the designer dresses she bought in Europe, and she made sure to savor every occasion she could. She had known about her feelings for Ritsuko for some time, their long-distance phone calls having served to put even more of a longing into Misato’s heart and cause her to latch onto anything that reminded her of the most wonderful woman in the world, no matter how expensive or impractical it may be. The moment Misato’s eyes had landed upon the ensemble she was currently wearing, back when it was on a display mannequin at a designer store in a German mall, Ritsuko’s face flooded her mind and it was only half an hour until she walked out of the store €4100 poorer, clothing wrapped up in a shopping bag that was so thick and high quality it could be reusable and a black button up dress, hat, and shoes that had the ghost of Ritsuko’s face etched into the material.

The drive over to NERV headquarters shouldn’t have been as nerve-wracking as it was, but for whatever reason, all Misato could manage to think about was what Ritsuko would think of her, and if she would like how she looked, and about the bundle of joy that was Yuto Takeda. What if he laughed at their outward and open display of femininity? They weren’t going to be the only women there, and other women would be wearing dresses and skirts, but the difference was in the fact that most of those women wouldn’t be speaking to Takeda directly. She and Ritsuko would be, and that made them perfect targets. The last thing she needed was the bastard making some comment about Ritsuko’s mother, something that would be certain to throw Ritsuko off of her course. Misato tried to focus on the music to take her thoughts away from the scary place that they were going to, but it was much easier said than done.

As soon as she met Ritsuko in the parking garage, the first of her worries was dispelled. Walking over to Misato as she locked her car, Ritsuko looked her up and down, face drowning in awe. “You look… wow.” she settled on, a smile on her face. 

“If anyone looks ‘wow’, it’s you.” Misato returned her friend’s smile, using the time to take in what Ritsuko wore. A deep blue dress, cut high into her thighs with white fabric accenting the pockets and buckets, along with a pair of black high heels that were slightly nicer than her normal ones, with some pearl earrings and a necklace to match. Misato wanted to fall into her arms and never leave. A goddess in her true form, human perfection at its finest. A feminine masterpiece with the wills and spirit of any gladiator, and the mind of both Socratese and Appolonious combined. 

“Glad you think so.” Ritsuko laughed, and Misato knew it was going to be a long day, if not because of what was going to be happening with the conference, but because she was going to be spending at least six hours with Ritsuko and not being able to tell her how she truly felt. 

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say we’re not going to be driving over, am I right?” Misato bit her inner lip, hoping that mundane conversation would maybe, just maybe, make it easier to control her feelings. 

“Have we ever gone to a conference by car?” Ritsuko raised her eyebrows as the two began walking out of the parking garage, and for what she could only assume would be the first time out of many that day, she felt stupid and incredibly embarrased. 

“Fair point.” She tried her best to force a smile anyways. “Sorry, I’m exhausted for whatever reason, even though I got a normal amount of sleep last night.” It was the truth.

“What constitutes a ‘normal amount’ for you?”

“Maybe seven-ish hours?”

“If you’re going to bed upset or drunk, you probably won’t be getting a good seven hours in, though.” 

“When did I say I was going to bed upset or drunk?”

Ritsuko turned to face her. “Misato, I’ve known you for how many years now? Chances are, if you’re having a bad night of sleep it’s because you’re going to bed drunk or upset.”

Ritsuko actually took the time to notice and remember shit like that about Misato. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise or been flattering, because logically, Misato was the same way. If somebody she was close to had a problem that would affect something about them in a profound way, she knew about it. Still, that didn’t make its effect on her any less impactful. “I honestly didn’t think you would even remember.” Blame it on her love for her.

“I’m more observant than I tend to let on.”

“Just, that should not mean as much to me as it does… thank you, seriously.” Misato smiled, keeping her eyes on her shoes. 

“Of course. I care about you, Misato. Seriously.”

The two made it up to the top of the parking structure, climbing in the airship that was to take them to Old Tokyo and taking off, sitting amongst some miscellaneous cargo in the back. All the while, Ritsuko’s words echoed around Misato’s mind like a coin being dropped in a cathedral. 

“Drink some water, please?” Ritsuko fished around in her bag and held out a water bottle. “Being hydrated will help you feel better.”

“Thanks.” Misato took it, unscrewing the lid and taking a drink. It didn’t help alleviate her exhaustion right away, but she could tell that it definitely would help in the future. “Is it weird to say that just you commenting on my sleep made me feel better?”

“Not at all. I’m happy I could help.” Ritsuko smiled, a full, real smile, something rare and beautiful enough to make shots of dopamine flash through Misato’s head. She handed the water bottle back to her companion, deciding to grab her hand after it left the bag. 

“Talk to me. Water may not help right away, but getting your feelings out there should.”

“And how would you know that? You hardly talk about yours.” Misato shot back. A poor attempt at a reflection of the question. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but am I the one we’re supposed to be talking about right now?” A glint in her green eyes, another hit of the proverbial tennis ball back into Misato’s court. She couldn’t really blame Ritsuko for not wanting to talk about how she felt, though. It’s not like Misato really had anyone other than the doctor and… maybe let’s not go there.

“Motherfucking Yuto Takeda. That’s what’s stressing me out and why I slept so shittly last night.” She resigned herself to losing the set, giving in to Ritsuko. 

“Is there anything in particular you’re worried he’ll try and pull?” Ritsuko’s eyes searched hers, and she looked genuinely concerned. 

“Nothing in particular, I just don’t want him to say anything, or even be there. Or in this entire damn country, for that matter.” She sighed, searching Ritsuko’s face for permission to continue. “I never thought I’d have to see him again.”

“You really hate him that much?”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t a lie, Misato hated him more than pretty much anyone, but at the end of the day, she didn’t give two fucks what he had to say about her. She just didn’t want him to say anything to Ritsuko.  

“Hey, this thing should only be for today, and afterwards, it will be a long time before you ever have to see him again.” Ritsuko smiled gently, squeezing Misato’s hand. “Besides, it’s not like you’ll take anything he throws at you sitting down.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Misato glanced out the window to her right, hoping that Ritsuko wouldn’t ask her any more questions. For somebody who loved to help others with their problems, she sure as hell hated others helping her. 

“How many countries are gonna be here again?” She hoped that the shitty segway into her next question would work.

“Thirty-nine, all twenty-seven EU members and a few other miscellaneous countries that are helping to develop technology on the side. Excluding the US, Japan, and us, they’re pretty much all from Europe and Asia.” Ritsuko knew better than to pry.

Misato really wasn't sure what to say, so she watched as Ritsuko used her free hand to pull out her laptop and open it up. Misato bit her inner lip. “Out of all places, they really didn’t have to hold it here.”

“If it were in any other country they’d be holding it in the historical capital.”

“I guess…” Misato chose to be quiet before she could state more obvious things and make herself look like even more of an idiot. She couldn’t decide if she resented how much she let Takeda take over her thoughts, or push her own feelings to the side because she should be worried about Ritsuko, and not herself.

--

Takeda was the exact same beady eyed snot goblin he had been back in Germany. If anything, he was a little worse now that he was working for the Japanese Ministry of Defense. Misato wished she brought her gun so she could just take it out and shoot at him, her own fate be damned.

The banquet hall that the conference took place in was littered with circular white tables, each having two bottles of French wine in the middle. (‘A gift for our friends in these trying times’, the Frenchman who brought it had proclaimed.) The moment the two women sat down, Ritsuko pushed them away to the empty side of the table, making her message to Misato clear. At the front of the room was a stage and a podium, where each country’s representative went up to give their speech. Sitting beside it at all times in a blue fold-out chair was Takeda, of course, who seemed far too happy with his newfound position in the spotlight to let somebody else take it away for five minutes. 

“And, of course, the country of Japan has its own trump card up our sleeve.” After the most boring two hours of Misato’s entire life, she was still not entirely sure why Gendo asked that she attend the conference at all. It was mostly people talking about random scientific jargon that she wasn’t even going to pretend to understand, and based on the lack of notes Ritsuko was taking, it didn’t look like any new information was being presented at all. “As of right now, I am proud to be announcing that the Japanese government has built and created our own version of an Anti-Angel Combat Weapon, one that can be controlled completely remotely and neutralize any potential threats without putting any humans in direct danger.”

Misato shot to attention like a bullet leaving the chamber of a gun. She turned to Ritsuko, only to see the doctor kneading her eyebrows together, looking more like she was trying to figure out something than surprised at the sudden announcement. 

“The AACW, known as Jet Alone, will be available to be viewed right after the end of this panel, and all interested personnel are more than invited to come to the control room and see how it works. Much like Dr. Boivin said, this is a matter of worldwide security, not just one of Japanese concern.” Misato glanced around the other tables, trying to gauge people’s reactions. In general, they looked interested, thankful, even. 

Takeda went on for maybe twenty minutes, giving the scientists and Misato an in-depth look at the robot. Misato understood about five percent of what he was saying, but in the end, that didn’t really matter. Even if she could understand everything, she doubted that she would be able to over the steaming rage that was boiling inside of her.

 “Of course, if anyone has any questions whatsoever before then, I would be more than happy to answer them.” Takeda finished the presentation in a polite and gentlemanly manner, something so out of character it made Misato want to climb up on that stage and smash the undrunk bottles of wine over his head. The only thing that really held her back was that according to Ritsuko, the French doctor who brought them was really nice.

On Takeda’s cue, Ritsuko stood up, leaving Misato as the only sitting figure at the gigantic table in the middle of the room. “Why of course, the respected Dr. Akagi from NERV’s main facility in Tokyo-III. I’m sure we’d all be more than interested to hear what you have to say, and are honored to be in your presence. Could somebody be kind enough to pass her a microphone?” 

Misato bit her lip, trying to not show Takeda, who was almost certainly stealing glances at his former co-worker, just how worried she was. If that bastard said anything bad about Ritsuko, she was going to explode.

The microphone made its way to their table, Ritsuko thanking the person who gave it to her before she began speaking. Misato tried her best to look disinterested as she felt Takeda’s eyes boring into her and the blonde doctor.

Ritsuko wasted no time, not falling for the man’s insincere flattery. “May I ask a few questions?”

“By all means, go ahead.”

“According to your presentation, the unit has an internal jet-heating engine. Is that correct?”

“Why yes, that is its major feature. It’s able to run for up to one hundred and fifty days without recharging, guaranteed.” Takeda smiled uncharacteristically politely. Misato moved her eyes to the table next to her, focusing on the bag one of the Americans had brought. It had a lot of cool broadway musical stamps on it; definitely an interesting choice of baggage for an international security and technology conference, but if anyone were to pull something like that, it would be an American.

“Personally, I believe that installing a reactor of that magnitude is far too dangerous for close-contact combat, and poses a serious safety risk for people that happen to be in the general facility of the robot.” One of the Les Miserables logos was scuffed slightly, making one side of Cosette's hair look as though it had been sliced in half by a katana.

“It’s more useful than a so-called decisive ‘weapon’ that can’t even run for five minutes without a power cord.” A lovely Takeda-ism, as Misato liked to call it. It was far too similar to the voice he used to tell Misato’s former partner that her work was “more useful than what a bachelor’s student would do, at the very least” than she was comfortable to ever hear again.  She didn’t even need to look up to know the smirk he was giving Ritsuko. She wanted to take the katana that had been used to slice Cosette’s hair and use it to slice his throat instead.

Ritsuko didn’t miss a beat, firing back immediately. “Remote operation poses numerous issues when facing emergencies.” 

“We find it much more humane than placing mental stress on human pilots, and exposing them to possible psychological contamination.” Could she really have not elaborated more on how remote operation was an issue? Maybe then Takeda could shut his stupid mouth for good.

No, criticizing Ritsuko was unfair, and Misato felt bad for even doing it. The doctor had to work quickly to fire back at the rat standing on the podium, and she was a lot more in control of her emotions than Misato could ever hope to be. She dug into her pocket and pulled out a lollipop stick she didn’t remember leaving in there. She opted to chew on it like a cigar, hoping that it would help ease her anger in some form. 

“Enough already, you’re making a scene.” she warned. In reality, none of the other doctors and various staff members would think ill of Ritsuko, but arguing with Takeda would do nothing but make the doctor an easier target in the long run. Actually, the more that she thought about it, not arguing back would make it easier for him to use his sexist rhetoric against her. Besides, wasn’t this what they had dressed up for in the first place? They were stuck in a catch-22 that Misato hadn’t accounted for no matter how you looked at it. Ritsuko may be a woman very proud of her femininity, showing it off for all to see much like how Misato showed off her personality, but she was not the type of woman to back down from anything. She is not her mother, and has no intention to have all of her faults. She’s been very clear with that. Assuming that she would do anything but argue back is foolish.

Predictably, Ritsuko ignored her, sending the question back to Takeda. “What about deliberate operator interference? Have you ever even considered something like that? A glitch in the autopilot that a human actively working in the AACW could correct for, but can’t be corrected remotely? What if there’s lag on any of the monitors that makes it hard or impossible to correct any possible missteps or sudden changes? What if one of your sensors fails to see something that could be seen by a human? There are so many things that you haven’t figured out, it’s quite honestly appalling and concerning.”

“It’s a lot safer than a wildly dangerous weapon that could go out of control at any moment without prior warning.” Misato glanced up at the podium to see Takeda pulling a file labeled “Top Secret” out of his briefcase. She bit down harder on her lollipop stick. One glance over at Ritsuko showed that the woman was not backing down.

 “A weapon that can’t be controlled has no purpose, it’s utter nonsense.” He held up a piece of paper with a blurry photo of Unit-01 from Shinji’s maiden sortie. From far away, you couldn’t tell what it was, luckily, but that didn’t make the fact that Takeda had gone out of his way to declassify information regarding NERV technology to a group of the world’s most renowned scientists remotely okay to do. Takeda put the paper down, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s like a hysterical woman. Nothing you can do to calm her down, and certainly no way to reason with her, so you just may as well let her get it out of her system, no matter how much of a fool she makes of herself.” 

What?! Misato shot to attention, finding Takeda’s eyes meeting hers. He smiled innocently. 

A couple of masculine laughs wafted from around the room. Misato could imagine how uncomfortable the women felt, but right now the only thing on her mind was that her worst fear had come true. She turned her attention towards Ritsuko, opting to ignore the bastard on the podium. At the very least, she looked pissed, something which meant she wouldn’t back down without a fight. Misato prayed her words to the other woman the day before were still ringing in her mind, serving as an inspiration besides Ritsuko’s near obsessive need to defend her femininity to the very end. 

“That is exactly why we have pilots and technology!” It was her turn to lock eyes with Takeda now, attempting to bore holes through his skull like lasers. “None of the aforementioned problems would even be a slight concern to us because of it. Just admit that your AACW has holes. As you yourself said, this is a global problem that requires a global solution. I’m positive that most, if not all of the other people standing in this room would be more than willing to help you iron out the kinks that your program currently has.”

“Oh come now, are you really claiming that science and The Human Heart can keep those monsters of yours under control?” There it was, there was that thing that he did, where he was patronizing and mocking, but hiding under the guise of professionalism, delivering his words with the collected poise of a poet. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, completely.” Ritsuko’s words were stern, but still heated enough that Misato was worried that Takeda would use them against her in a way even worse than indirectly using an outdated and sexist medical term to describe the smart woman who dared to question his majesty. 

“And it is precisely NERV’s reliance on something as nebulous as The Human Heart that is what let that rampage happen on their watch.” he smirked. “As a result, the UN was hit with extra budget requests from Human Unity and the Californian Protectorate to ensure that something similar would not happen on their watches, with their AACWs. Keep in mind, doctor, that this is money that could have been used to feed over twenty thousand starving people in Central America and Saharan Africa. Plus, even though this was such a serious incident, its cause remains a mystery? Nobody, not from your main headquarters nor from your European and American branches, has any idea as to what caused this disaster? As a result, other Anti-Angel Facilities worldwide are scrapping years of research, further wasting hundreds of millions of dollars, out of fear that something much worse could happen under their watch. NERV poses a clear threat to all AAFs, and, by extension, a threat to what remains of the world. One would hope that you would carry out your duties as the responsible party, but you have yet to do such a thing, instead resorting to downplaying this event’s seriousness, throwing up your hands and collectively declaring that there’s nothing you can do, moving on as normal. Isn’t it nice how NERV gets to enjoy that extralegal protection? I, personally, have always been quite concerned by how it is the only privately funded AAF in existence, and gets to dance all over the publicly owned ones instead, and now my concerns are proving to have a basis in reality.” How full of shit, you worked for NERV for eight years and were quite open about your belief that government funded AAFs are “a clear threat to capitalism and have never before shown one sign of being competent programs that will have any sort of future.” You straight-up celebrated when the UK’s AAF was absorbed into Human Unity because you thought it was funny!

“Say whatever you like about how we are somehow responsible for actions that independant AAFs chose to make based on an event that we were fully honest in saying has a less than .000000001% chance of ever having happened in the first place, therefor making it more probable that the same person will be struck by lightning over one thousand times in a month than such an event ever happening again, but so far, it is only NERV’s weaponry that has proven capable of being able to crack codes that allow us to defeat Angels. If your AACW does not have that ability, it will be utterly useless.” Ritsuko retorted, and she was right, Misato hadn’t even considered that. Other AAFs had yet to even discover or study AT Fields in their years of operations, which was, after all, the main reason she considered any other organization incompetent. (Granted, these organizations didn’t have Ritsuko, but they could probably find at least five normal scientists that were equal to one of her.)

“Are you referring to the AT Field?” Takeda asked, “We’ll have that figured out eventually.” So you’re releasing this robot without having a plan on how to take down Angels? I would be surprised by your stupidity, but unfortunately, I know you. “NERV’s reign won’t last forever.” 

Ritsuko looked angrier than Misato had ever seen her. She was physically shaking and looked like she’d uppercut his jaw if given the chance, a strange appearance for a woman usually so in control of her emotions, but Misato knew that getting Ritsuko so flustered that she was unable to speak was all a part of Takeda’s diabolical little plan.

 Glaring daggers at him, Ritsuko spoke once more. “It’s quite obvious you have no plan as to what to do, but if you truly think that your Jet Alone is a device lacking major flaws, and that it’ll be easy to figure out something you don’t know in the middle of combat, I am more than willing to watch your demonstration.”

Takeda made eye contact with Misato, a snarky look on his face. She bit down so hard on the lollipop stick that it snapped.

--

“THAT! MOTHER! FUCKING! BITCH!” Misato kicked a dent into one of the lockers in the room that had been set aside for her and Ritsuko, the other woman sitting at a vanity, fumbling with a piece of paper. The bottom of Misato’s foot hurt, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care.“WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?!! HOW DID HE EVEN KNOW ABOUT A.T. FIELDS IN THE FIRST PLACE?? GAHH, I’M SO PISSED!!!”

“Enough, you’re making a scene.” Ritsuko parroted her from earlier, her voice enough to calm Misato down. “By getting angry, you’re only giving him what he wants.”

“My god, what is wrong with him? How fucking dare he?!” Feeling rage rise up inside of her once more, Misato took a few deep breaths, trying her best to calm down again. A quick glance in Ritsuko’s direction seemed to do the trick, thankfully. (And hey, if she did look at the expanse of her thighs that were visible from the way her dress rode up, not meant to be worn while a woman crossed her legs, nobody would have to know.) 

“His own ego is what’s wrong with him. Trust me, based on everything you’ve told me, and from what I’ve seen, any comment that makes his work seem like it isn’t the best throws him into a childish fit.” Misato moved closer to the doctor, and finally saw what it was that she was fiddling with: a copy of Takeda’s resume. In her other hand was a lighter, and she held it up to the bottom of the copy, watching it be set ablaze. “He’s a small, pathetic man.”

The display was easily one of the hottest things that Misato had ever seen, and she had to close her eyes in order to get a hold of herself. Once they were opened the show had already ended, what with Ritsuko having dropped the burning paper in the trash and dousing it with water from the same bottle she had coerced Misato to drink from earlier. 

Ritsuko must have sensed the effects her actions had, as she smirked, walking over to Misato and taking some of her hair in her hand. “Something as simple as that really enough to render you speechless?” she murmured.

“No, I just…” Misato cut herself off when she glanced back at Ritsuko’s face, close enough to hers that she could make out the lines of her eyelashes if she tried hard enough. “I’m just shocked at how well you handled him calling you all those horrible things. Are handling, I suppose.” 

Ritsuko curled Misato’s dark hair around her finger, letting it drop off before she started again at a different strand. “Unlike him, I’m confident enough in myself and my work to know that his insults are nothing more than the result of a man who can’t fathom somebody else’s work, much less that of somebody he considers to be second-class, below his. I know I’m smart and capable, and if I ever have doubts for whatever reason, a quick look back over my work or a quick chat with you will help to reinforce what I’ve always known deep down.”

“A chat with me does the same thing that looking back on your dozens of accomplishments does?” Misato’s voice was soft and matched Ritsuko’s with its semi-flirtatious tone, yet the question was sincere.

“With the way you sing my praises? Absolutely. I’m not sure why you think of me as highly as you do, but I would be lying if I said anything other than I loved it.”

“I mean, yeah, I do think highly of you. I think you’re amazing, the most amazing person I’ve ever met. God strike me dead if I never told you that.” 

Ritsuko let out a small laugh, a content smile crossing her face. “You really are something, Misato.” Another strand of hair curled around her finger.

“Really? Thanks.” 

“Of course. I mean it.” 

The strand of hair Ritsuko was playing with snagged on something and Misato flinched. “Shit.”

“You okay?” Ritsuko removed her hand from the other woman’s hair gently, Misato missing it as soon as it withdrew.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She smoothed down her hair. “Was that your fingernail or something?”

“Think so.” Ritsuko examined her right hand, sighing as she came upon the culprit. “You were right, my index fingernail broke a little below the tip.”

“Is it bad?” Misato picked up her hand, examining the nail in question.

“Not really, it could’ve broken a lot lower.” Ritsuko stepped away, heading back to her purse on the vanity and rummaging through it, eventually pulling out the nail clippers and file Misato had found that night a few weeks prior. Her face flushed at the very thought, and watching Ritsuko gently trim and file her nail certainly did not help.

--

Surprisingly, Ritsuko and Misato were the only ones who chose to attend the exposition for Jet Alone. (Most likely, the other people and organizations had been swayed by Ritsuko’s words, or so Misato chose to believe.) The two women stood against a back wall, watching as Takeda and the rest of the ministry ran around trying to get the AACW ready to go. Jet Alone was in full view through the large glass window in the front of the control room, and it looked even stupider in person than it did in the pictures that Takeda had shown the conference. It was shorter than the Evangelions, but much wider, with a face that had a huge smile on it. Quite frankly, it looked like something a five year old would draw that somehow got blown up and had billions of dollars funneled into it. 

“You think something will go wrong?” Misato asked Ritsuko, smiling. The doctor in question was holding a cup and saucer, drinking tea and looking like nothing short of perfect.

“How could it not?” Ritsuko smirked. “I’m more likely to suddenly lose half a foot off of my height than this going off without a hitch.”

“I mean, what should we do if something goes wrong?”

“Depends. If it blows up, laugh. If it suddenly stops walking, laugh. If it refuses to power up, laugh.”

“I should not be indulging your sadism this much.” Misato smiled, looking towards Ritsuko with knowing eyes. Somehow, even now, thick sexual energy still managed to be created between the two women, sparking marvelously every time one of them spoke.

Ritsuko was about to speak when Takeda started speaking louder, addressing the workers in the command room. “Is everything in place for Jet Alone’s maiden voyage to begin?”

“Yes, sir! We’re ready to start whenever you are.” A man from the control panel responded. This is going to go horribly.

The operators worked some of their magic, and soon enough, Jet Alone was up and running, taking a few tentative steps perpendicular to the building. At the very least it was walking. 

“Can we turn it?” Takeda called out. One of the operators responded, turning the robot so that it began to head straight towards the facility. 

“Is he stupid?” Misato asked Ritsuko. “That’s like, the number one thing not to do with an AACW unless absolutely necessary.”

“You’re asking a question you already know the answer to.” Ritsuko responded, using her free hand to link up with Misato’s right arm, pulling her towards the side of the room. “Forgive me if you think I’m being overly cautious, but I really can’t bear the idea of you getting hurt due to this man’s world-class negligence.”

“Don’t apologize.” Misato smiled. “What am I going to do, complain about you taking my arm?”

“Fair.” Ritsuko smiled again, her eyes lidded, and Misato squeezed her arm. Maybe a few years ago she would’ve had reservations about being so openly flirtatious during a time like this, but right now, she quite frankly was enjoying every second of the experience.

Turns out, Ritsuko was smart in pulling Misato over to the side of the room when she did. A few seconds later, Jet Alone began to speed up, and the men at the control panel weren’t able to do anything to stop it. As the men began to freak out about the AACW’s malfunction, Ritsuko set her now-empty cup and saucer on the ground, wrapping her arms around Misato. Said woman was a bit taken aback, but returned the movements, placing her hands on top of Ritsuko’s head to protect her from any potential falling debris.

 Within seconds, the government’s personnel had followed suit, huddling near the sides of the room as their now out of control creation (how ironic, considering what Takeda had said to attempt to slander NERV earlier) smashed through the facility, leaving three huge footprints in its wake, one of which was right near the two embracing women.

Once the dust settled, Misato was the first to let go, although she did slide her hand down to fit into Ritsuko’s. “Seems that robot is just as clueless as its creator.” she teased. Ritsuko squoze her hand in affirmation, and it sent Misato’s heart aflutter in a way completely inappropriate for the current situation.

Sadly, Misato had to let go not soon after, as she headed over to the speechless Takeda. “Seems like Dr. Akagi had some pretty good points, huh?” 

He didn’t respond, just stared off into the distance. The rest of the staff seemed no better. “Hey, do you have a plan on what you’re gonna do to stop this thing?” she asked. Still no response.

At this point, Misato was getting fed up. Ritsuko was right, he really was a pathetic man who refused to defend his own work as soon as it wasn’t as good as he thought. “Takeda, do you have a plan on how to get Jet Alone to shut down?” 

He took a deep breath, sighing. “No, Katsuragi, I don’t.”

“Alright then, in that case, I’ll be taking command of this operation and finding a way to shut down the AACW.”

“What!?” Takeda looked shocked.

“You heard me. Now, is there a way to force a shut-down remotely?”

“No.”

“There isn’t, I-” Misato took a deep breath, sighing. “Okay then, does that mean that the only way to shut it down is from inside the robot?”

“Yes. There’s a terminal inside.”

“Alright then, we just need somebody to go inside and turn that off. Considering you don’t seem like you have any idea of how that could be accomplished, I suppose I’ll just have to do that. Now, what’s the terminal’s password?”

“The password? I’m sorry Katsuragi, but that’s beyond my ability to be able to give out. I’d need to make some phone calls, and-”

“Does it look like we have time to make phone calls?” Misato asked, exasperated, gesturing to the huge hole in the wall that Jet Alone had left behind. “No, we don’t. I know that you know that password Takeda. Now, while you debate whether or not your pride will allow a woman, one you hate no less, to fix your mistakes, I’m gonna go make some calls of my own and set up a mission to stop all of this. If you decide you can give me the password before you make all the calls you want to, you know what number to call.” Misato smiled pleasantly, as she turned back around to go and see Ritsuko. “Should’ve heeded Dr. Akagi’s warnings. Take this as a learning experience.” she called over her shoulder.

Ritsuko looked interested as Misato returned to her. “So does he have a plan on how to stop this? What’s he going to do?”

Misato grabbed her hand, leading her back down the still-in-tact hallway towards their room. “Oh no, of course he doesn’t, don’t be silly. Lucky for him, I’m more than willing to step up to the plate and do his work for him.” She picked up the pace into a light jog.

“And what exactly does that entail?” Ritsuko asked, running forward to be by the captain’s side. 

“Going into that thing and turning it off by hand.”

“Going into- what? Misato, that’s a stupid idea, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

“So? If anything happens to me, at least a lot more people are safe.”

“ Nothing should happen to you! This is Takeda’s problem, so let him solve it!”

“Both you and I know he’s too much of a pussy to do that, Ritsuko.” The pair reached their room and went in, Misato taking her hat off and pulling her hair into a ponytail with a rubber band that was laying on the vanity. “Unzip me?” She asked Ritsuko, in a lighter tone of voice. 

She heard the doctor sigh. “You’re lucky I want to do this.” she said under her breath, walking up behind the purple-haired woman and taking the zipper in her hand, slowly pulling it down. Misato’s heart rate increased. 

“What do you mean, ‘want to do this’?” she asked, enjoying the goosebumps that erupted on her shoulders and Ritsuko pushed the black fabric down Misato’s arms. 

“You’re not an idiot.” The doctor’s mouth was right by Misato’s ear all of a sudden, her voice near silent, breath tickling the other woman’s skin. Misato shivered, feeling Ritsuko push the dress down the rest of her body, a light pink slip the only thing separating her soft hands from Misato’s bare skin. Her hands felt nice, soft and feminine, caressing everything that it could. It was calming, relaxing, rejuvenating. Misato wanted to lean back into her and forget everything other than this woman and her wonderful touching. “Neither of us are. If you’re gonna do this, we should at least be-” 

Misato’s phone rang from her pocket, startling both women out of the trance that they had put themselves into. She stepped out of the garment, reaching down and pulling her phone out. “Hey Hyuga, I was about to call you, actually.” She looked at Ritsuko apologetically, who gave her a sad smile, but walked up to her and put her arms around her nonetheless. Misato relaxed into her touch. 

“Are you and Dr. Akagi okay? I saw on the news that some AACW just trampled through the convention center.”

“Yeah both of us are fine. But listen, can you grab Shinji and Unit-01 and send them out to Old Tokyo, along with a transport airship? Long story short, it’s gonna be up to us to stop that thing, and I sure as hell can’t do it alone.”

“Huh? Of course! We should be there in about twenty minutes, I’ll give you a call as soon as we’re ready. Anything we need to know?”

“I’ll tell Shinji as soon as he’s here, I don’t have time right now. Talk soon.” Misato hung up, suddenly very aware of Ritsuko’s head resting on her shoulder and her left arm hugging her chest. The slip didn’t do much to help with the cold air of the room, and her nipples were pushing against the silk fabric, right up into Ritsuko’s arm. She knew that the doctor could feel it, and had no doubt that she was probably getting some sort of enjoyment over it. For once in her life, she wasn’t self-conscious. Everything about this just felt right. She wanted more. She wanted everything Ritsuko had to offer. She wanted to stay like this forever. 

Misato indulged in the overwhelmingness of Ritsuko for a bit longer, never wanting to leave the warmth that her embrace had to offer. Eventually, though, she forced herself to peel the other woman’s arms away from her and step away. The cold hit her like a truck. 

“Sorry,” she said quietly, headed to a box in the corner of the room, “but I need to get ready. I think I might’ve seen some suits over here earlier, and I do not want to go into that thing without one.”

“No worries.” Ritsuko responded as Misato began to rummage through the box, finally coming across an orange suit that was exactly what she was looking for. “I know there’s nothing I can say to stop you, so please, be careful. Please come back.”

“I’ll do my best, I promise.” Misato began to pull the pant legs of the suit up over her legs, but was stopped by Ritsuko, who spun her around, taking her face in her hands. Is she about to…?

Ritsuko seemed to hesitate all of a sudden, searching Misato’s deep brown eyes for some secret only she knew. Misato smiled gently, and Ritsuko leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her left cheek. 

Misato felt like her chest was about to explode at the tender display of affection. “For luck, for good wishes, for-” Ritsuko cut herself off, thinking. “For so much more I don’t even know how to say.” she settled on.

Misato grabbed Ritsuko’s hands, placing them in front of her, reminiscent of what they had done the day before in the hallways of NERV. “You don’t need to know. I know what you want to say. Thank you.” Misato smiled, and Ritsuko returned it. Was it just Misato’s imagination, or was the usually stoic doctor close to tears?

Unfortunately, they didn’t have much time left to waste. Misato got dressed in a hurry and left the room, Ritsuko following her back to what remained of the command room. Once there, the captain rushed to find Takeda, who still looked to be in somewhat of a stupor.

“Well? Do you have the necessary permissions?” she asked.

 He shook his head, not meeting her eyes. How pathetic.

 “Well that’s too bad, as I’m still going to be headed into that AACW whether you and the government would prefer I not.” She was getting really fed up with his bullshit.

“I’m aware, trust me. I was told to inform you that your airship and your pilot are here and are ready for you.” He still didn’t look at her.

Already? “Much faster than I expected, great. Alright then, I’ll head out. Thanks for not putting up a fight, at least.” She turned around and got ready to head up to the roof to meet Shinji and whoever their pilot was.

“Hope.” 

“Excuse me?” Misato turned around to see Takeda looking directly at her. 

“Hope. That’s your password, Katsuragi. Good luck.”

“Thank you.” Misato gave Takeda a smile, although deep inside, she still wanted to clock him in the face. 

Finally, it was time to act. Turning around, she headed back for the hallway, stopping by Ritsuko and smiling first. The doctor returned the gesture.

Sprinting down the hallway, Misato finally made it to the staircase that led to the roof, climbing up and approaching the NERV-branded airship that she saw waiting for her. From the pilot’s seat, Makoto waved to her, opening up the passenger door for her to get into. She was glad he was piloting, in all honesty. Out of all the staff with flying licenses, he was the most likely to let her try and do risky things for the overall good of the mission. 

Waiting in the back of the ship was Shinji, already in his plugsuit. He looked relieved that Misato was okay, and listened to her explain the plan as the airship got into position. 

Within fifteen minutes, the two were down in the cargo hold, climbing into Unit-01. Makoto released the Evangelion down to the ground, and Shinji landed cleanly, sprinting up to Jet Alone and grabbing onto one of its arms. “This good?” he asked, and Misato nodded. 

“Perfect. All you need to do now is let me go outside and drop me onto that thing’s shoulder. From there, just keep a hold on it and let me do all the work. Shouldn’t be longer than a few minutes at most.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. Please though, be careful, Miss Misato. I really don’t know what I’d do if anything bad happened to you.”

You’re not the only one, and no offense, but I have to live for Ritsuko before I live for you. “I will be, I promise. You ready?”

“Yep.” Shinji pressed a button, and a small door opened that led out to Unit-01’s arm. “Be careful, and good luck out there.” 

“You got it.” Misato responded, walking out of the door and being careful to balance as she made her way down to Unit-01’s hand. Luckily, there were many spots she could hold onto, and it took her maybe thirty seconds to make it down. 

“Alright Shinji,” Misato said into her suit’s built-in microphone that she had since synced up with Unit-01, “Just lift me up there, and I’ll do the rest.”

“Okay.” he responded timidly, and below her, she felt Unit-01 ruble as she was lifted up to Jet Alone’s shoulder. Once in place, she began to climb off…

“MISS MISATO!!!”

And began to roll down the side as she lost her balance.

--

“Y’know, it’s weird to be up here right now.”

“Why’s that, Ka-chan? You never climbed a tree?”

“I mean, maybe once or twice.”

“Didn’t you run around all over the place as a kid? Weren’t you friends with both of your neighbors, and you guys had that game where you set up shops and made spears?”

“That was Bush Tribe, and as the name suggests, it was played in the bushes, not the trees. Also, that was only with one of the neighbors. The two of them were not friends with each other.”

“Okay, well what about the other kid?”

“Miyako-chan? We’d pretend to be witches, swim in her pool, and play videogames on her dad’s system. I spent much more time outside with Kenji-kun.”

“You really never climbed trees with either of them?”

“Well, they climbed trees. Kenji-kun’s dad even got him some of these gloves that held onto tree bark really well so he could free-climb. I remember him practicing on the tree in his yard, saying he was gonna climb the pine tree in my yard that was taller than our house.”

“You never climbed with him?”

“I did, but I was way too scared to come down afterwards. I only tried on my own once, and my dad had to come and get me down because I was crying. After that, he told me I wasn’t allowed to climb trees anymore, and you know how obedient I was as a kid, I never did. I watched Kenji-kun and Miyako-chan climb the trees in my yard while I drank some juice pouches on the ground.”

“So this is, what, time number three that you’ve ever climbed a tree?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Will I have to carry you down too?”

“What? No, don’t be stupid, Ji.”

“Hey, I’m more than willing to!”

“I’m not nine years old anymore, I can save myself if I fall.”

“Not even a ‘thank you’ for the offer, you’re cold, Ka-chan.”

“Oh, shove it up your ass.”

“Alright, then, here. Now you should be prepared to climb down on your own. Hup!”

“Wha-? Ji, you really think a kiss will give me the courage I need to climb down?”

“‘The courage’? Why, you really don’t think you can make it down on your own?”

“I-I never said that, you stupid fucking cunt!”

“Well, I’m down here now, and I’m more than able to catch you if you fall.”

“Stop saying that you’re ‘more than able’ to do shit. I’m more than able to tear off some of this bark and shove it up your ass.”

“What’s the sudden obsession with shoving stuff up my ass?”

“Oh, shove it up your- goddammit!”

“Well, come on, I’m waiting. Climb on down, you can do it.”

“...”

“Ka-chan, are you really scared? You weren’t afraid on the ferris wheel or when we went to the top of that tower downtown.”

“This is different, okay, Ji?! Here, there’s a bigger chance I’ll actually fall and hurt myself. In both of those places, not so much.”

“Come on, jump down!”

“Not happening.”

“Okay then, I can give you the secret to climbing down, but under one condition.”

“What.”

“You fuck me after we get home.”

“You act like that wasn’t already going to happen, asshole.”

“There it is with the ass stuff again, huh.”

“At this rate, just leave, I’ll call Ritsuko and she can help me down.”

“Isn’t her mom in town this weekend? Would you really wanna make her leave to help her poor roommate down from a tree?”

“Fine, I suppose you’re right. What’s this secret, I’m all ears.”

“Think of the branches like a ladder. Find the next rung you can hold onto. You’re not afraid of climbing ladders, and I know that because I saw you on that seven meter ladder when you were hanging decorations up for the drama department.”

“That’s true…”

“So come on! Be slow, but climb down. I’ll be right here if anything goes wrong.”

“Okay…”

“Come on, you’re so close!”

“Hoo! I made it! Hell yeah!”

“Hell yeah’s right! I’m proud of you, Ka-chan.”

“Thanks, Ji, seriously. I feel like I owe you my life or something.”

“Hey, no worries. I’m just glad that I could help. I love you, you know.”

“I love you too, Ji.”

--

She somehow remembered His words to her, and just like climbing down a tree, she looked for things to grab onto. This time, He may not have been there to catch her if she fell, but there was a ladder. While tumbling down Jet Alone’s shoulder, she somehow managed to grab a hold of it, re-centering herself and climbing back up the AACW’s shoulder. She promised Ritsuko she’d try her best to come back alive, after all. She couldn’t give up on that promise.

“Oh, thank God! Please, Miss Misato, be more careful!” Shinji called out. Misato turned towards him and winked, giving the young boy a thumbs-up.

The entrance into Jet Alone was easy enough to open up, Misato had expected as much, but one thing that she hadn’t expected was just how damn hot it would be inside. The entire room was bathed in a red light, and steam was coming out of some orifice that she couldn’t see. No matter, the terminal was right near the center of the room, right by the jet engine. Misato remembered Ritsuko’s words about how dangerous having a jet engine was, but chose to shake them off. Crouching down by the terminal, she activated it, being prompted for a password. 

Hope. It was quick enough to type in, and Misato entered the word within a few seconds. That should’ve been it. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The password wouldn’t work. “What the hell…” Misato tried again, but it just wouldn’t work. Had Takeda given her the wrong password? Had he purposefully sent her in, knowing that this would happen? No, he was a dick, but not so much so that he would knowingly send a woman to her death. 

Misato pondered over what to do, when suddenly, the jet engine popped, and more alarms began going off. She heard Unit-01 press down on the top of the robot, and Shinji screaming at her through her earpiece. Quick on her feet, he looked around, trying to figure out what to do. 

There we go. On the right side of the internal room sat a wall of conductors that weren’t far enough out to release all their steam. If Misato could push them out of the internal room, Jet Alone should start working again. Well, there certainly wasn’t a second to waste.

Rushing over to the wall, Misato began to push against one of the conductors. She wasn’t very strong, and her arms were burning after just a few seconds. Come on…! She silently pleaded, begging the pieces of metal to do her bidding. I have to see Ritsuko again, I have to see her. I can’t die here, I can’t! 

No matter how much she prayed, it was useless. Maybe if someone like Gendo had been doing this, it could work, as he was certainly muscular enough. Misato wasn’t willing to give up, but at this point, she had resigned herself to her death. 

I’m really gonna die without ever telling Ritsuko I love her, huh. She’ll never know how deep my feelings truly run. 

Misato’s arms felt like they were about to fall off. She was worried she was gonna die from popping a blood vessel before the engine exploded, at this rate, but she couldn’t stop. She had to work for everybody in Old Tokyo. She had to work for everyone at NERV. 

She had to work for Ritsuko.

She pushed extra hard. The conductors finally moved into place, and the cabin became flooded with green light. The terminal beeped, a robotic voice saying that the password had been accepted. The engine shut off. Jet Alone slumped, finally asleep.

Misato collapsed against the wall, exhausted. Her arms were aching, but even more so was her head. Something wasn’t right. She was nowhere near strong enough for that to have worked. Something was awry.

“Miss Misato, you did! Oh my God, please don’t ever do anything like that again, I was so worried! It’s a miracle, it truly is!” Shinji shouted into her headpiece, sounding relieved.

A miracle, yeah… but was this little miracle here orchestrated by someone?

--

It was a few more hours until Misato saw Ritsuko again. They were back at NERV, Misato waiting in the doctor’s office for her to come back from reporting the situation to Gendo. The moment she stepped into the room and saw Misato she was drawn to the purple-haired woman like a magnet, cupping her face in her hands. 

“You idiot. You didn’t have to do that.”

“And what, just let that thing run wild? You know I did, Ritsuko.”

“We could’ve handled it remotely.”

“How?”

Ritsuko didn’t answer, just bit her lip. After a few moments she dropped her hands down to Misato’s helping her up and enveloping her in a warm, tight embrace. Misato returned it, and the two women stood there, silently, enjoying each other and the warm, feminine energy that surrounded them.

“I can’t lose you, Misato. I don’t know what the fuck I would do without you.”

“I thought of you that entire time, you know. I’d resigned myself to death at one point, and all I thought of was you, and all the things I haven’t told you, the things I haven’t said… I can’t lose myself either, because that would mean losing you.”

“Tomorrow, Misato, I wanna take you out for dinner. I want to just tell you everything and anything that comes into my mind.”

“Why not now?” Misato buried her face into the doctor’s shoulder, enjoying the vanilla she could still smell on the fabric of her royal blue dress. 

“I can’t bring myself to talk right now, Misato. I’m just going to cry if I do.”

“Then cry. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

“I…” Ritsuko spoke no more, just hugging Misato closer. She felt safer than she had in a long time, maybe ever.

They could’ve stayed there for minutes or hours, but it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that Misato was alive, and Ritsuko was with her (they could feel each other’s heart beats to prove it, something which was beautiful in a way that simply couldn’t be described), and they were in each other’s arms, and it was warm, and it was soft, and it was perfect.

Chapter Text

It’s been a while, huh? 

This fic garnered a lot more attention than I ever expected it to. To everyone who read, left kudos, and commented, thank you so much. It truly means a lot that you cared enough about my silly little re-write to do so.

I See God in Her Eyes is not coming back. The reason why is a bit personal, but enough time has passed that I’m comfortable sharing it. I began writing this during the height of the pandemic when I was still really young. A lot of shit happened that year— I genuinely think I had the craziest 2020 of anybody ever, and much of what I wrote here was done so in a psychosis-fueled frenzy. My mental health was nearing an all time low during the time I spent writing this fic. I began to get help around the time I stopped updating, and then life swept me up in other directions; namely going to uni. I wrote quite a bit of Red Dead fics for a year or so, and then became so pulled into my work that I pretty much stopped writing fanfic entirely until like two weeks ago. 

I’ve thought about finishing this fic a lot (I’ve known how it will end since I started), but I See God in Her Eyes honestly represents a really shitty time in my life that I don’t care to revisit. I will always be thankful to Evangelion for helping me through a time I genuinely needed it, but I’d prefer to focus my limited creative energy on other projects. I hope you guys understand.

The following three chapters are what I wrote for Chapter 8, my author’s notes that I planned to put in a chapter at the end, and my outline. If anybody would like to finish this work they’re more than welcome to, just tag me so I can see it! Thank you guys so much for all your support over the years, it really means the world to me :] <3

Chapter Text

Brunch the next day, at Ritsuko’s apartment. That was the plan. Misato had no idea what to expect from the entire affair, but at the same time, she felt like she had an idea as to what was going to happen. It was a weird contradiction, but she’d chosen to stop trying to make sense of things like that a while ago. All that mattered was that she and Ritsuko were going to be alone together, and they were going to be talking about deep, profound emotions, and it was bound to be eye-opening in some form or another, as all of her intellectual conversations with the doctor were. 

It was too bad it had to be postponed, because Misato completely forgot about Unit-02’s arrival.

A few weeks before, she had spoken to the girl who was going to be the pilot over FaceTime. Her name was Asuka Langley-Soryu, and she seemed nice enough. Asuka was fourteen, a recent graduate from the University of Potsdam, (she had been all too eager to talk with Misato about the international relations program at the school, especially considering Misato had majored in that herself), of mixed German-Japanese descent, a dual citizen of the United States and Germany (“Although”, she had claimed, “both of us know which country is spiraling out of control, and which is the economic powerhouse of the European continent.”,) and spoke four languages (she was only fluent in two, however.) Misato’s first impression of the girl was nice enough, and she was excited to meet a pilot who was more likely able to handle the mental strain that piloting an Eva required. As for Unit-02, it had been in Hamburg for a while, but it was just now that it was ready to be transported to NERV’s main facility. Asuka’s sync rates had been abnormally high for a pilot as well, something that was promising. 

All things considered, the trip was supposed to be straightforward: Misato, Shinji, and two of his school friends would depart from NERV HQ via helicopter and fly out about 200 kilometers from the port to meet the fleet of UN ships that had come through the Suez Canal. After escorting them into the harbor, Unit-02 would be unloaded, brought down to the Geo-Front, and left to be worked on the next day when more people would be at work. (Or so Gendo claimed, although Misato had a feeling it was because he didn’t feel like coming in on a Sunday.)

Shinji’s classmates were all too eager to be accompanying their friend on official NERV business. Misato hadn’t seen the harm in inviting them along, if not for them, then because Shinji really needed to get closer to some people his age. 

“You really got a whole fleet of modern B-squads to accompany the Eva here?!” Kensuke, the blonde one, asked. He sported a video camera, claiming that capturing the entire affair on his phone “wouldn’t do it justice.”. 

“Yeah, of course! Considering we’re talking about highly expensive and critically important defense equipment here, I don’t think we’d want anything less. Just between us, this is the minimum amount of security we were willing to have.” 

“Still, this is so goddamn cool!” Toji, the taller one, cried. “I ain’t ever seen somethin’ as cool as this!” 

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourselves.” Misato smiled, watching as the two boys pointed out different ships, asking Shinji questions that he obviously didn’t know the answers to.

Soon enough, the helicopter landed on the main ship, and the group exited it, stepping onto the main deck. Toji and Kensuke didn’t even bother trying to hide their excitement, and Misato couldn’t help but find their childlike wonder beautiful. 

The deck of the ship was about two thousand feet wide by four thousand long, plenty of room for cargo, airplanes, and other various equipment the UN brought with them. The salty sea air kissed Misato’s cheeks, gusts of wind blowing her hair to the side. She forgot how lovely it was being by the ocean, she really ought to come more often. Maybe Ritsuko would want to join her?
“Where are we going, exactly?” Shinji asked, looking around, much calmer than his comrades. 

“We’re looking for the other pilot. She’s really great, trust me. After we rendez-vous with her, we’ll be able to go and talk with the captain and figure out what he needs to know from us.”

“Really great? Like how?”

“She’s polite, amiable, good at socializing. She’s your age too, I bet you’ll get along.”

“My age…” Shinji trailed off. “Does she even speak Japanese? If she’s from Germany, she might only speak-”

“She does, not fluently, though. You two won’t have any problems talking with her, trust me. Besides, if you, for whatever reason, do run into any trouble, it’s always a good opportunity to put your English skills to the test!”

“My English skills are near non-existent though…” Shinji murmured. 

Misato was about to respond when she was cut off by the young, brash voice of a girl from behind her. 

“Misato! Hallo, wie gehts?” 

Turning around, Misato was greeted by Asuka, who stood on top of some miscellaneous cargo. She was rather tall, having maybe two or so inches over Misato, with long, strawberry blonde hair that was pulled half up into small ponytails on each side of her head. She had wide blue eyes and fair skin, and she wore a yellow sundress and white sandals. If Misato hadn't been told that she was part Japanese, she would’ve been inclined to believe that the girl was fully white. 

“Ah, Asuka! Hello, I’m doing fine! By the looks of it, you are too.” she responded in German, beaming. 

“Hmm, which one of these is Third Child I’ve heard so much about?” Asuka asked, hopping off of the cargo pallet and walking up to the boys, all of whom looked at her with wide eyes. She scrutinized them, looking them over, before pointing her finger at Shinji. “My guess is you! You’re the Third Child, aren’t you?” she posed the question in Japanese, a smirk on her face, confidant in her guess. 

“Me? Um, yes! I’m Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, nice to meet you… Asuka?”

“Asuka Langley-Soryu, the Second Child, at your service!” she winked.

“Oh, damn! You’re a real babe!” Toji piped in, smiling. Misao sighed, this was not the time, not that there was ever a time for unwelcome comments like that.

“Hey-” she began to reprimand him, but Asuka held up her hand. 

“Thanks, you’re a real buffoon.” she retorted. Toji stared at her dumbfounded, and Asuka looked triumphant. 

Then an especially heavy gust of wind blew by, and raised Asuka’s dress up. Toji’s face morphed into one of  horny excitement that only a teenage boy could have, and Asuka reached out, slapping him before he even got the chance to say anything. 

“You’re disgusting.” Asuka rolled her eyes. Normally, Misato wouldn’t encourage a fourteen year old to slap someone, but she would be lying if she said that Toji didn’t deserve it.

 “Come on, Asuka, I’m all for calling him out on being weird, but I’m not quite sure that deserved a physical retaliation.” A male voice rang out from the entrance to the boat’s inner quarters, and it sounded all too familiar for Misato’s liking, a shock of cold ice running through her bloodstream, her heart beating faster, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath, it probably wasn’t Him after all. He’d still been in Hamburg when she left Germany, and he hadn’t even been working for NERV.

“Mr. Kaji!” Asuka beamed, running towards the man by the door. Misato’s blood ran cold, whipping around to see her worst fears confirmed. 

--

He never hurt her, physically or mentally. She had hurt herself, but He sure as hell hadn’t helped. 

He wasn’t evil. She would be kidding herself if she called Him that. He was perfectly nice, always looking out for her, more mature than she ever could hope to be, smart enough to run a country on His own, so interesting that He could probably give an hours long speech on soil and manage to make it intellectually stimulating. 

All things considered, He was the perfect boyfriend. You would be hard-pressed to find another man that treated you as well as He treated her. 

So why was she so afraid of Him? He would never do anything to her, and if He somehow did, He would always apologize, light some incense and pay the pastor, confessing His wrongdoings without any words to twist what had truthfully happened to make Him appear better. 

Something about Him terrified her. Was He too perfect? Was He what He should’ve been? Was He…

She quite frankly didn’t know how to continue her thoughts. 

He was an enigma, an anomaly in her life. He shouldn’t have caused her any pain, what when He was as amazing as He was, as He is. 

She wanted Him to disappear. Maybe if she had never believed in Him in the first place,  she would never have hurt herself. 

But no, that was a stupid train of thought too. He deserved to be believed in, He was great, He was powerful, He was wonderful. Not believing in Him would be selling Him short, something He didn’t deserve. 

She didn’t wish she never met Him, because if He enjoyed her company, then it was worth it. If it made Him happy, it was worth it. 

She hated Him, He was horrible, He was disgusting, He was a fraud! (He wasn’t a fraud, what could He even be a fraud at? Why did she think of that? Why was she so horrible?)

Would she go back to Him? Would she set herself at the altar, an offering for Him? Was she the representation of love for Him? 

Was she supposed to sacrifice herself for Him?

--

“Wh-what is he doing here?!” Misato asked, shocked, angry, disgusted, terrified. She wanted to disappear. 

“Vacation. Pretty nice cruise ship we got here, eh?” Kaji smiled. I will not vomit. I will not sacrifice myself to Him. 

“Oh my fucking God, can you actually shut the fuck up?” Kaji had spoken only a few sentences, and so far, he hadn’t changed a bit. Unfortunate, considering that it had been four years since they had last seen each other at grad school. 

“Aww, why’s that? Somebody’s jealous I got to spend the past few weeks here in paradise? If you like, I can show you around. Ship’s got a mighty fine pool and spa, and I happened to splurge on a suite with a king-sized bed, if you wanna go up and spend some time there.” he punctuated with a wink. 

I will not vomit. I will not sacrifice myself to Him. “You seriously think flirting with me is going to get you anywhere?” Maybe masking her extreme anxiety with disgust would work? She could hope.

Kaji was about to respond, but was cut off by Shinji and Asuka. “YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?!” the pair exclaimed, tandem in both speech and surprise. 

“Sure do. Part of the same friend group in college, even both decided to go to grad school abroad in good ol’ Deutschland.” 

Friend group. Alright, at the very least he wasn’t giving them away completely. And it wasn’t a lie either. Sophomore through senior year of college he, she, and Ritsuko had been a group, doing basically everything together. 

Ritsuko… how was she even supposed to face her now that Kaji was here? She had been all ready to confess her undying love to this woman (and had been pretty sure that said woman was going to do the same) but now this stupid,

Chapter Text

Okay, well first of all, thank you for reading that behemoth of a story. 47k words makes this the longest story I’ve ever written by a long shot, but it was definitely worth it. 

Some fun facts about this story:

-I was struggling on what to name this for the longest time. I got the idea back in August of 2020 originally, but I didn’t publish the first chapter of this until November of the same year. My original rough draft was just titled “ritsuko lol”, but after I finished the first chapter and still didn’t know what to name this I ended up getting the title from a meme. That’s right, the major theme of this story and, by extension, the title, are all thanks to some Instagram meme re-poster. 

-My biggest secret about this is that I wrote Misato pretty much how I would expect somebody to write for me, with a few changes. Having her as the protagonist was a lot fun to write

-My barebones outline alone for this was over 4500 words, and my original estimate for how long this was going to be was somewhere around 250k words

-This started out as my NaNoWriMo story but I gave up maybe two weeks into that because I was forcing myself to write. You can see the lack of quality in the third chapter specifically because of that

-Partially thanks to this story, every time I got drunk from the time I started writing this to the time I finished had me writing drunk Misato/Ritsuko fanfiction. The best line from one of those is “I want to have sex with you, not watch Breaking Bad.”

-I originally planned to give this a coherent ending but never really liked it, that idea was scrapped very quickly

-Once I wrote over 8k words in an hour and a half (this was when I was writing Chapter 7) and I still don’t know how I did that

-Biggest fun fact of all is that even though I really wanted to write this, it also is practice for an actual book idea I’ve had floating around in my head since 2018 or so. If that’s gonna include a lot of monologues and self-discovery and such bullshit, I think there is nothing better to practice with than a rewrite of Evangelion [2025 note: I'm not writing that shit it was SO BAD LMAOOOOO]

Chapter Text

8.) Misato spends Sunday heading over to the naval ship to assist Unit-02 coming in and meeting Asuka, with full intent to spend the night grabbing dinner with Ritsuko and telling her how she feels. Once on the ship, though, she sees Kaji, and everything just freezes into place. The group sits down and Kaji makes fun of her and Misato tries her best to not tear his hair off, even though in reality, she’s terrified at his return and she doesn’t know why. When the kids run off Kaji tries to talk to her and she shuts him down, saying that she never wants to speak to him for as long as she lives. She runs through the battle on mostly autopilot, not really thinking about everything and just letting her intuition do the work. Once the ships dock she meets Ritsuko who tells her that the data is really valuable and Misato is to exhausted to do much other than be like “thanks glad it’s helpful” Ritsuko is about to ask what’s wrong when Asuka drags Shinji over and asks where Kaji is. Misato says he left and the two of them run off and RItsuko tries to grab Misato’s hand, who pushes her away. She goes home that evening and half drinks herself to death, ignoring both Shinji and Ritsuko’s calls. Misato has the next day off and she spends it stuck between wanting to keep drinking, wanting to call Ritsuko, and wanting to die. Ritsuko shows up and forces Misato to eat, dragging her out for a walk and not letting her self-isolate. The two don’t really talk but they don’t need to. 

(When Shinji is like “damn she’s being a lot like Ritsuko” Misato gets really happy and is like “yes so true!”)

9.) Asuka does her thing and misato gets pissed, telling them they need to synchronize. Meanwhile, misato talks to ritsuko, who tells her about a plan she has to help her get back on her feet, to which misato thanks her. Ritsuko asks if she’s doing okay and misato lies, but ritsuko sees through it and tells her that the two of them are gonna go out again, and misato is gonna talk about her feelings. Misato realizes that she needs to get with ritsuko as soon as she can and to do that, she needs to clear up things with kaji first . They get in an elevator and kaji tries to kiss her but misato doesn’t freeze up, and tells him to stop. He asks if she’s okay and she tells him the truth, about everything she feels, about how she knows she was an idiot when she was younger, but it doesn’t matter, she wants to be over that. Kaji asks if there’s anything that invited her to do this and misato tells him that she’s interested in ritsuko, and basically tells him about everything that’s been happening. he tells her that she needs to be honest with ritsuko, because she’s definitely into her and she needs to start doing things that will make her happy as opposed to hurting because it’s what she knows. Misato takes his advice to heart and tells him honestly that she wants to be his friend, even though she never wants things to be like the way that they were beforehand. That evening, Ritsuko takes Misato out to drink and Misato just tells her the truth: she loves her. RItsuko, of course, accepts her feelings and asks Misato why she ever doubted she ever loved her. They head back to RItsuko’s place and make out but Ritsuko says that going any further may not be the best idea, and when misato asks why Ritsuko reveals that she’s a virgin, something which Misato instantly asks about and wants to make sure she didn’t overstep any boundaries with. Ritsuko assures her it’s fine, and they spend the night together. Misato, of course, has a bad dream about her dad and Kaji but wakes up in the middle of the night to Ritsuko holding her tight and waiting for her to fall back to sleep. The next morning the two of them are just… very happy. Synch, of course, goes off without a hitch. (Asuka and Shinji arguing blah blah blah) She and Ritsuko head back to Misato’s place and fall asleep together, while Asuka leaves two very large sticky notes on Misato’s door that says “DYKES”, to which Misato hangs up on Asuka’s door instead. 

OKAY MORE IDEAS??!!

-after the party ritsuko has to leave and she and misato are both really upset and misato holds her for a bit and ritsuko talks abt how guilty she feels. afterwards misato gets drunk and kaji takes care of her and she talks about her past and how she feels about ritsuko and kaji is like “okay let’s go through evidence that she could or could not like you” and miss gl goes through everything and he’s like “dude, she’s into you. she wouldn’t do this if she wasn’t into you.”

-bc kaji and misato would already have had the conversation, misato and ritsuko are able to be stuck in the elevator together. misato gets so angry she starts crying about the situation and ritsuko just holds her. when they’re trying to get out and ritsuko makes a joke being like “okay don’t piss on me yet, at least let me kiss you first” and misato almost combusts 

13: THE chapter! while working on fixing magi misato just gets a sudden flash of love and she decides to that she’s gonna tell ritsuko how she feels today, and if not today than not ever. she listens to ritsuko open up a bit about how she sorta feels like a fraud bc she’s only dedicating her life to her mother’s work, not her own. after she saves them the two sit in the mainframe for a bit and she’s so hot it takes everything in misato to not just kiss ritsuko right then and there. the two have already been flirting a bit but when ritsuko reaches over and puts her hand on top of misato’s and whispers « lets be honest, both of us » misato thinks her heart is gonna burst. she’s gonna ask what ritsuko means when ritsuko says it’s time to get going. when they’re drinking coffee in ritsukos office and ritsuko makes the comment of « i’m getting too old to keep doing this » and misatos like « bruh we’re in our early thirties no we aren’t we’ve easily got seventy years left » ritsuko goes « no i’m getting too old to be avoiding myself this way » and misato’s like ??? but ritsuko’s like « you know just as well as i do » and she stands up misato just says « ritsuko i love you » and ritsuko grabs her and they kiss and start crying and it’s just so perfect. they go sit on a hill and stargaze as they leave and they promise to stay true to each other and never lie about their feelings again

bitches are gonna stargaze a lot in this book everyone knows sapphics stargaze sapphic stagargazing club get out of here if ur not sapphic we kiss girls under stars awooga

some dialogue:

misato to ritsuko  after they kiss: « why are you crying, my love?»

16: okay basically we skip over shinji’s entire petit prince moment and mostly focus on misato finding out that’s she’s in the dark. she has her own internal torment about is she a sister a mother her own kind of person, etc, she doesn’t know. when ritsuko says that in this case, shinji could be expendable, misato still slaps her and demands to know what she’s been hiding. ritsuko insists its nothing, and misato breaks down again, acknowledging her worthlessness. ritsuko at this point pulls her close and is about to tell her when they’re interrupted by ikari coming back. they pull off the mission successfully and misato goes to spend the night at ritsuko’s, who tells her everything. (what’ll happen in the later episodes? Like marduk not even existing, the dummy plug system she was forced to develop, evas and their true nature as being something that can awaken and was made by humans, rei being an artificial human, lilith and adam bei g what defines humanity, yui deciding to be eva 01, a lot of character analysis and probably just straight up fluff and maybe sex who knows) both women break down apologizing and crying and in the midst of it misato says something like « i want to be with you forever i need to be with you forever » and ritsuko just responds like « yes yes oh my god yes » and they make love while crying and i’m gonna be a mess writing this

also misato pulls the gun on kaji and is like « bro what’re u hiding » and he’s like « ask ur girlfriend bitch she’s the one you need to be mad at »

some dialogue:

asuka, at the beginning after getting mad at shinji for having the water be too hot: okay misato ur just happy bc you finally got together with ritsuko well calm down we don’t all wanna hear it

misato: okay we’re not like, serious though

shinji, who was checking voicemails on the house phone: *presses play* hello my gorgeous, i hope you slept wonderfully. i know this won’t wake you up, with how heavy a sleeper you are. anyways, i was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out for dinner after work today? i know we see each other every day but i still can hardly bear it when we’re apart. is that weird? i guess it could be, but who cares. anyways, call me back when you can, if you don’t before you get to work, i’m gonna tease your every time you try and hug me today. anyways love you babe so happy you’re my girlfriend :-)

misato: fuck

misato: okay but in reality who am i? i put on such a good outward approach but no matter what i don’t think im going to ever be perfect. am i the perfect commander, or just a woman who’s playing pretend? hell, am i really in charge of anything at all? am i just a puppet and i don’t even know it? okay less important stuff am i like a mom now?? i don’t want kids and i never will want kids and sure i love *these* kids but i prefer to see myself as more of an older sister and am i old??? im losing my life. and also what if ritsukos just pretending and like she’s actually evil then what im going to tear my heart into two and jump off a cliff if that’s the case. it’s not the question of how others perceive me, i could give literally zero shits about that if you don’t like me fuck you you’re missing out it’s more so what do i see myself as bc if i don’t answer im worried im going to lose myself more than im worried i already have

17: misato begins to see how hard it is to pretend like she’s both oblivious and also agreeing with it, finally seeing what had been stressing ritsuko out so much. when it’s revealed that toji is going to be initiated sooner than thought, both panic. misato goes to kaji to see if he has any info that she and ritsuko can use. he doesn’t, and advises the two of them to be careful. ritsuko spends the night and misato reveals that she’s worried that kaji isn’t on their side after all, something that ritsuko’s also suspected. (they do have sex before this conversation because of course they do it’s my story and i say let my comfort ship have raging lesbian sex) the next morning ritsuko has a panic attack before they go into the school because she’s so worried about what’s going to happen. misato manages to calm her down and they deliver toji the news that he’s to be the pilot of 03. misato offers to go stargazing to help calm both of them down and ritsuko cries again, saying she saw how much the boy’s spirit was broken by the truth. misato begs ritsuko to keep a closer eye on kaji if possible and she promises. they kiss under the stars bc there has to be something at least nice in this angst fest of a chapter

some things to remember:

airbase blew up in nevada this episode!

kaji has to tease misato at every given opportunity

some dialogue

misato: what’s wrong?? :-(

ritsuko: im terrified. i know that my complicity is actively fucking over the world but i can’t do anything about it. if i choose to fight back god knows what’ll happen to me. if i keep playing the game im on the wrong side of history and am working against the overall objectives of humanity.  i want to take you and run as far as away as possible but i can’t abandon my research and my mother’s lifelong work and the kids and i feel like a failure. i am torn because i know that on paper losing a few people is supposed to make sense but in reality these are all people with lives and interests and im such a horrible person and i shut myself down and don’t let anybody but you see who i really am because im worried that could happen to me too and i just want everybody to survive and not miss me because i’m not an important person but there is no right answer and i hate myself for my complicity in such a broken system

misato: oh worm

18: oh god oh fuck: the chapter. ritsuko comes to pick up misato, who tries to have the convo abt toji with shinji beforehand and hey arnold looking ass comes in and is like « pilot please » but ritsuko comes and sees misato being uncomfortable and is like « okay we’re leaving bye » on the drive over ritsuko asks if misato has told shinji yet and she says no. ritsuko says it’s misatos duty as his guardian to do so, and misato acknowledges that, but says she worried about how he’ll react. ritsuko offers to help break the news with her, but misato refuses, saying it’s something she has to do on her own. they work in silence for a bit and ritsuko shows misato a text she got from maya being like « i heard this song and thought of you and major katsuragi hope this isn’t out of line or anything but i thought i’d share! it’s in english tho just a warning lol » misato goes « bro we gotta listen to it » and they share earbuds and do so and they do a little dance in the back if the truck and it’s really cute. (yes it’s sh boom sh boom by the crew cuts if you have a problem with that get out of my house) they get to the testing site and it’s looking like everything is going well when suddenly the eva gets possessed by the angel. when it goes to hit the facility ritsuko tackles misato into a closet that is thankfully spared from the foot stepping. misato gets really worried abt toji and ritsuko tries to calm her down saying that they’ll figure it out back at hq because they always do, but misato shouts that ritsuko can’t be sure, and says that ikari is « unfit to command » ritsuko is going to agree when misato tackles her forward and is crushed by a bit of rubble. she wakes up in the field later in ritsuko’s arms. she reaches up and brushes a tear away from her face and goes « why are you crying, my love? » (okay this line is going to be reoccurring it’s here it’s gonna be in ch 13 it’ll be in others it’s gonna be the last or one of the last sentences in the epilogue, etc)  ritsuko leans down and kisses her and misato sits up and asks her what’s wrong. ritsuko is mostly preoccupied with the fact that misato’s okay and she’s not terribly hurt. she says that although this isn’t at all how she planned to do this, she grabs a ring out of her pocket and says that « this isn’t official, don’t worry, it’s a promise. i got it as soon as i left work the day the power went out. » misato whispers yes that she’ll always be here for ritsuko and that she’s entirely hers and they have probably the saddest kiss in the whole book. kaji finds them soon after and says he’s bringing them back. he asks ritsuko if she wants to explain what happened or if she’d prefer he do it and she says she wants to. the couple gets in the back of his car and kaji puts on some headphones to give them privacy. here, ritsuko spills about the dummy plug being used and has a whole little speech about right and wrong, immoral and moral being so convoluted she wants to die. misato promises that they’ll figure it out together and they fall asleep in each other’s arms. when they arrive at nerv, they get up and go to the command room, disheveled and broken. holding hands, they get in contact with shinji and apologize and tell him about the member of the fourth children when makoto says that toji’s alive, shinji looks over, sees his friend, and has a panic attack. misato calls his name a few times and shinji screams.

some dialogue and shit:

kaji smiled sincerely and led the women back this car. misato could tell that tonight, he wouldn’t be teasing the two about their closeness, and she mentally noted to thank him for it later

i want to draft out ritsuko’s monologue about the blurred lines regarding morality and immorality and the suicidal ideation it has caused to bubble up inside of her but i don’t feel like it rn lol

19: this chapter starts out happy because i say so fuck off. kaji looks after asuka for a few days while misato stays over at ritsuko’s. ritsuko signs misato’s cast and it’s adorable and then they give each other sponge baths and have sex because i say so. they’re cute cottage core lesbians for a few days and bake and shit while they focus on resting up. the day that they return to work they’re met with warmth and they think that everything’s gonna be okay. that afternoon they go to check shinji out of the hospital and he tells them that he wants to leave. he refuses to listen to them, and monologues abt his moral conscious and such. misato yells at him and gets really heated and calls him a traitor, and it takes ritsuko dragging her into the other room to calm herself down. shinji gets packed up and the next day misato sees him to the train station. she makes it back to hq just in time for the attack. i’m gonna directly copy anime dialogue here so i’ll rewatch the ep. soon to copy it down lmao. when the angel starts coming into headquarters the two grab onto each other and kiss and prepare for the worst when shinji comes out and they send him up. they rush out and see the eva come to life and all that. ritsuko explains what’s happening to bridge crew and when she turns to face misato she’s crying and misato wipes her tears away and whispers that ritsuko isn’t a monster

some dialogue:

« you’re not a monster, i promise. why are you crying, my love? we need to do this »

20: existentialism part whatever lmao. mostly focusing on the two after work, with a main focus on misato breaking down. her monologues abt the fragility of humans and how useless she is all happen mid panic attack. in order the monologues go

day one: i’m being used. It’s all fake. i’m being used 

day two: all i am is useless. i’m not smart enough to make a difference and i’m too much of a coward to charge in blindly 

day three: they’ve all left me, or i’ve left them. i let kaji down because i discovered that i was, in fact, a lesbian and was only with him for positive male attention. asuka thinks i’m a dumb bitch, ikari is just using me. i’m nothing more than a nuisance to bridge crew. ritsuko is going to leave me

day nineteen: ritsuko. i just want to be one with her. ritsuko. i love her so much, too much. she’s smart and capable and wonderful. she’s pretty, gorgeous even. ritsuko. i love you so much

day thirty one: when the crew tries to start up ejecting shinji, misato begins crying once again, leaving ritsuko to give orders. when maya announces that the magi is failing, ritsuko starts crying too but manages to keep working. when the shutdown is announced ritsuko comforts misato as she wails next to shinji’s suit. when the eva ejects him she gasps his name, cries, and faints into ritsuko’s arms. time skip to day thirty three. misato is doing better and ritsuko pulls her aside to tell her how proud of her she is. she asks if misato wants to go on a date and misato accepts wholeheartedly. they go to a bar and flirt a ton and run into kaji who teases then. they go home and fuck bc they are legally required to and its wonderful. at the end if the chapter misato admits she’s still scared but ristuko says that all that matters is that they’re together

some dialogue:

« i bet kaji’s laughing at us, thinking we’re indecent right now. » misato pressed her head further into ritsuko’s ample chest, squeezing her hand.

« he isn’t wrong though, is he? » ritsuko laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of misato’s head, gently ruffling her hair. 

« shut up, he’s the last thing i wanna be thinking of right now. knowing him, he’s probably getting off to it »

« while at the movies with asuka? i somehow doubt that, misato. » ritsuko laughed 

« ritsukooooooo » misato whined. 

the blonde chuckled. « sorry, it was you who brought him up though. if only there was a way i could help you forget... »

21: we already had the funny flashback in chapter sixteen so this is gonna be more so misato’s immediate reaction to kaji’s death. she gets out of isolation and is already feeling like shit bc ~ptsd~ and she didn’t get to see her girlfriend all day. she goes back up to her desk and finds a note from ritsuko saying she went home bc she’s exhausted but to call if there are any problems. misato drives home and is gonna just watch some tv and go to sleep when she suddenly gets a very bad feeling after hearing an ambulance go by. she flashes back to ritsuko telling her to trust her instincts and thinks about calling her. she goes over to the phone when she’s something on the answering machine and she hears kaji’s message. she breaks down crying and doesn’t even notice anything has happened until she feels ritsuko touch her shoulder. misato looks up at her and can only blabber our her name and then kaji’s name before crying. the two women just hold each other and let their feelings out for a bit before passing out on one another. in her sporadic dreams, misato remembers meeting ritsuko, how much she helped and supported her recovery, the fun times they had together, and how ritsuko opened up to her about her past (and her sexuality)she remembers meeting kaji second semester of freshman year and the three of them hitting it off. she remembers kaji taking legitimate interest in her as a person and how she felt happy and fulfilled when he expressed love for her, but how she generally was uncomfortable with his sexual advances. she remembers breaking up when she and ritsuko moved to germany and how she felt free. she remembers denying her feelings for ritsuko. she remembers getting her masters and watching as ritsuko got her doctorate. she wakes up feeling numb, and climbs into ritsuko as a life line. only then does misato manage to speak, saying she doesn’t wanna end up like she did after the incident, and she asks how ritsuko knew to come. ritsuko says that shinji called her and when he told her why she almost threw up. misato whispers that she doesn’t think she’ll be able to sleep, so the two put on the tv. misato murmers that she doesn’t know how it took them so long to get together, and ritsuko just whispers that it doesn’t matter, all that’s important is that they’re together now and that they’ll overcome this, because they always have. 

some dialogue:

(end of chapter) « kaji would be making fun of us if he heard us like this. » misato whispered, laughing stalely under her breath.

« he would » ritsuko affirmed. 

« how did you even know to come anyways? » 

« shinji called me. he said he didn’t know what else to do. »

« at least he’s resourceful, you gotta give him that. » 

« i almost vomited when he told me, misato. i- »

« i know, » misato whispered, voice wavering.  « he’s our friend. he’s gone, rits. »

« this world works in horrible ways sometimes. » ritsuko replied, squeezing misato’s hand. « it hurts. »

22: in the week after kaji’s death. misato gets mad. very mad. she begins bickering with everybody and is even rude to ritsuko, who has picked back up smoking to try and clam her nerves. after misato responds to ritsukos concerns about her during lunch by calling her a « woman who drowns her loneliness in her cats, sex, and cigarettes » ritsuko says that they need to talk after work. misato starts to worry all day and after work, they go to a hill to stargaze. misato bursts into tears and begs ritsuko not to break up with her, to which ritsuko responds « why are you crying, my love? i made a promise that i’ll always be with you, and i mean it. » (gestures to misato’s ring and shit) misato apologizes and ritsuko says that it’s okay, she explains that misato’s going through the five stages of grief, and she was wondering if maybe just opening up about everything would be helpful. misato agrees reluctantly and now it’s time for me projecting my trauma onto my kins. misato monologues about the about the bond she was supposed to have with her father, because of how similar they were. she describes how rude he was to her and how she always favored her mother because if it, but felt guilty. she hardly remembers the second impact, and describes the amount if her memories she lost from when she was fifteen to seventeen, and the delusions and hatred she feels towards herself. she talks about feeling guilty for still not liking her father, despite the fact that she loves him. switch back to reality to misato breaking down and having a panic attack. she says shit like « get out of my head get out of my head » and calms down to ritsuko hugging her and stroking her hair and all that jazz. misato spends the night at ritsuko’s. the next day the fifteenth angel attacks and asuka’s reactions are really similar to what misato went into. while ritsuko manages vitals and all that misato works on calming asuka down like ritsuko did to her. after the mission, ritsuko offers to take misato out and misato happily accepts. she’s still depressed, but eating ice cream with her girlfriend helps. while walking along the streets misato sees a little jewelry shop and pulls ritsuko in, having her pick out a promise ring too so she can give it to her. ritsuko accepts, and promises not only to love misato forever and to be with her forever, but to also get over her depression. both she and misato decide to quick smoking and go spend more time doing things together. misato says it’s for kaji but ritsuko corrects her, saying it’s for them, kaji’s just helping them along. then they have sex bc i said so

reminder: go back and copy dialogue lmao

horny adro bitch at bar that is a [irl friend] reference

23: the episode that burns. starts out with ritsuko coming over to help misato, who’s listening to kaji’s voicemails. she says she feels like a failure for not getting over everything after the promise ring situation but ritsuko says that she didn’t expect her to. ritsuko’s unable to stay the night but she and misato sit cuddled up on the balcony for a bit before ritsuko has to leave. the next morning misato wakes up late but finds out about the angel and drives to hq. once there the whole thing with rei happens. time skip to misato sitting alone in her room listening to kaji’s voice mails and waiting for ritsuko to call her. she knows she’s just at work but she still worries that she’s dead. misato starts panicking and goes to see shinji but he wants to be left alone. eventually ritsuko calls and misato picks up the phone and a dejected ritsuko just begs her and shinji to come to hq, and doesn’t elaborate why. misato is panicking on the drive over and shinji tells her it’ll all be alright. once there misato holds ritsuko close. but ritsuko says there isn’t enough time, she has to show misato all the things she talked about before, she points to misato’s ring and says she needs to fulfill her promise. down in the basement an already overwhelmed misato freaks out while ritsuko explains what they’re looking at. after ritsuko destroys the reis and misato grabs her gun by instinct ritsuko begs her to kill her, saying it would be easier, saying she’s just like her mother. misato says it’s ritsuko’s want to die that makes her a fool and ritsuko collapses in tears and misato runs over and holds her, crying too. misato, a mess of emotions, demands to know if ikari did anything to ritsuko. when she doesn’t respond misato more upset. ritsuko eventually whispers that it doesn’t matter, she’s unimportant, to which causes misato to fling her gun at the ground. the two women sob until they can’t anymore, when ritsuko says that if they want to escape, now is there chance, there’s nothing stopping them. she says they can go to england where nerv doesn’t have much influence because they both speak english and bring shinji and asuka with them. misato is conflicted, but shinji finally speaks up and says they need to finish what was started, they need to save the world. misato telld ritsuko that if anything ever happens with ikari again she’ll be the one to personally shoot him. they go home that night and sit in front of misato’s tv dazed. ritsuko eventually gets up and asks misato to marry her, she’s worried if she doesn’t ask now, she’ll never get another chance. misato accepts and the two women hold each other for the remainder of the night 

some dialogue:

« ritsuko, does he do anything to you. » the phrase came out not as question, but flat, authoritative. deep down, misato was worried she already knew the answer. 

ritsuko didn’t respond. stomach in knots, misato tried again. « ritsuko. has he *ever* done anything to you. »

there was a pause. finally, ritsuko answered, voice low and shaking.

« it doesn’t matter what he’s done to me. i’m not important anyways. »

misato felt her legs buckle. *that bastard.* once again, she was flooded with emotions she couldn’t name or understand. but what she was feeling wasn’t important. what she was feeling didn’t matter. she clung onto ritsuko and felt the woman trembling. 

« i’m sorry, i know you didn’t think it was this bad. » ritsuko’s voice was flat, emotionless. cold. « if you want to shoot me, go ahead. at the very least i would die by your hand. i love you misato. please, shoot me. i’m just like my mother, i’m just a fool. i’ve just been used. how pitiful my life has been. at least it will end just. »

misato dropped the gun. she felt horrible for even picking it up in the first place. she’d always felt safe with ritsuko, why should this be any different? « you’re only a fool for thinking like that in the first place. » misato felt a hot tear roll down her cheek. 

ritsuko collapsed, and started wailing. misato was at her side in an instant, arms wrapped around her, now crying too. she was ritsuko’s lifeline, and ritsuko hers, and they held each other similarly. 

« i’m sorry you had to stand there, shinji. » misato squoze his hand with her free one, noting how this time, he didn’t flinch. « that must’ve been hard to watch. »

« no, dont even think about worrying about it. » he responded. « miss ritsuko, my father- no, my sperm donor, i- »

« you didn’t do anything, shinji. » ritsuko gripped misato’s hand even harder, something that was somehow possible. « you did nothing wrong. »

24: I hate it here. Misato wishes ritsuko off with as much love as she can possibly give her. RItsuko promises that if they never meet again, she’ll always love misato. Misato goes through the next few days feeling really numb. During the final angel attack misato gets a bad feeling that ritsuko is going to die alone and in that damn prison cell and she’ll never see her again. Kaworu, however, saves ritsuko before letting shinji kill him and brings her to misato before he dies. They go home and just sit down and look at each other. They both agree to go to England somehow once this whole thing is over. Ritsuko insists that something positive has to happen ]. They decide to dance to sh boom sh boom again, and it does at least get them smiling. They add on to their promises from their promise rings that they’re going to get out and be together. Forever. 

25: shinji wakes the two women up and says that he’s come to a decision: he wants to kill his father. The two are appaled but shinji says that he knows his father has been undeserving of life for a while now, but hearing about what he forced ritsuko into doing was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He earnestly asks for their help in letting him get to gendo. the three agree that shinji will be able to catch his father alone for about a minute in the afternoon, and that he is to hide in the air vents, coming out as soon as his father is alone and shoot him. Unfortunately, the plan fails. Gendo ties Shinji to a chair and forces the two women against the wall. He announces that he’s going to put forth the human instramentality project or whatever and presses a gun against both of their backs. he allows them to kiss as he shoots them

monologue abt misato feeling hated and gross and her complet and need for approval and a ton of questions get asked that she has to answer herself. When she’s asked why she’s still alive she mentions ritsuko. All she can think about is how much she loves her, and feels equal. happy. For the first time she’s not chasing small moments of happiness, they’re coming to her. She lives for ritsuko. She lives for happiness. She lives for herself

26: misato and ritsuko wake up in each other’s arms on the floor. Gendo is dead, and behind him is shinji. The hip failed. Shinji managed to wake himself up with his newfound hope and shot his father dead before the plan could finish. With gendo’s death, seele is broken, as there is no longer a reason to work towards their objective, and the members flee. The plan failed. Misato, however, declares herself the head of nerv, and believes that it still needs to exist, purely to prevent a third impact. The rest of the staff band behind her. 

Time skip, six months

Tokyo is being rebuilt, and slowly but surely, people are returning. Nerv is dong it’s job in keeping the remnant angels that still exist away (idk I hope that makes sense might re-write it) and for the most part, is also working on creating and upholding the technology to seal away what seele had created. ritsuko and misato go on a date, shopping and stargazing. Ritsuko talks about how it’s hard to forgive herself because she hurt shinji so much but misato says that they need to. Everybody did bad things, everybody was used, but what’s important is that they’re moving on.

If im still hyperfixing I might write a lil book that’s like an epilogue? I want it to mostly focus on like misato and ritsuko just being happy and preparing for their wedding. Maybe I’ll write it in tandem with this if I need a break idk man