Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is so weird, you'd think our story was finished. I mean after that kiss and Alec's confession we'd live happily ever after. At least I thought so, and don't get me wrong, we're in love, we still are in love but it took quite a while to get here at this moment. I love that idiot more than all the stars in the sky. He's my idiot but that's the thing, how and why do I love an idiot so much? I just...

He's told you all about how I was the idiot for so long towards him. How I treated him and made him feel like he was worthless and meant nothing to me but that was because I was afraid of falling in love with someone like him. Because he is perfect. I can't even lie. I never met someone like him before. He never let me down, he always tried to be there for me even if he was just supposed to be my figure skating partner.

But now a year later and things have completely progressed with us, I feel like it's made us stronger. I feel like if he's with me I can honestly accomplish anything, but it wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows after we won the Silver like we dreamed it would be.

It's been exactly one year since our the Silver Gold Medal and as I sit here and give you my point of view, I'd like to tell you just how we got here. Don't tell, Alexander, my idiot, anything that I am about to tell you.

I Magnus Bane, am going to propose to him and I wanted to share with you all that has happened between us that lead us to this exact moment in our history. Also, you'll know all the reasons why he'll always be an idiot and a stupid mistake I made, and another, and another after that.

The things you do for love can be really tricky...and Alec once told me that once you fall in love time stands still. I felt that. I still feel it whenever I am with him.

Time liked to stand still when I was with Alec. I never understood why I did the things I did when I was with him either. It was just another day and we were on the ice. We were supposed to be practicing for his try-outs for a minor league hockey team. His dream was to still play hockey and I promised I would do anything I could to get him there. I hated the ice and still do and I thought I would be completely done with this but when it came down to Alexander, I literally felt like I could do anything with him. And time began to stand still. It was something that I would always think about and I think about every single moment that we spend together and how it keeps us stronger as a couple.

"Hey, look what I can do." Alec laughed bringing out his left leg all the way up.

"You always show me that!" I shouted with a slight laugh even though it was really cute he was still so excited about being able to do it.

"No, I showed you my right leg, now I can do with my left leg." He pointed out and showed me again.

"I'm proud of you." I nodded firmly and gave him a slow clap as I went and brought my leg out, then hoped on one skate and did the same for the other and it turned into a small pirouette and split.

"You aren't even trying and you're graceful," Alec scoffed at me and tried to do a split but instead he just groaned and hopped back up but hey at least he didn't fall. I started to laugh as I went to try and be a bit more graceful like he said I was being. I ended up coming up on his left side, which was also his blind side and he ended up falling flat on his ass. I completely forgot about his peripheral vision and he couldn't see me unless he fully moved his head. He was completely blocked on that side so for him to even attempt to try out as a hockey player tomorrow would be a failure to him.

I didn't want to tell him that I wasn't sure it was a good idea, he was determined and maybe it didn't matter now. They really wanted him because of how great he did during the Olympics with me. Scouts did keep calling him, and it was all he wanted to do after that even if I did try and make him see in the beginning it was pointless, but this was his dream and he was letting me live out mine by being an artist.

I was absolutely fine with that, and my dad was spending the money he received coaching us to create an art gallery just for me. In the meantime here I was training my boyfriend to become the best hockey player he ever was...again.

"You did that on purpose!" Alec shouted at me on the floor of the ice. Folding his arms across his chest like a big baby.

"I did not, Alexander." I scolded him and took a seat down directly across from him folding my legs Indian style. "I forgot about it, I hate that you still can't see on your left without fully turning your head...it's the reason why you can't play hockey." I frowned at him reminding him.

"Don't remind me. I have to just remember to always turn my head when I feel someone on my left..." He answered me which was an answer that was logical but you couldn't exactly do that in hockey. I wanted to tell him that, but I know he knew that from the way he looked at me after he said what he did. "I just want this so much." He swallowed and reached out to grab my hands so we could both get up off the ice. "It's my dream." He skated himself around me and lifted me up over his head and it just came so naturally to us.

I fought him giving his chest a slight pound to put me down. "I hate the stupid ice," I growled. "I hate it."

"Then why are you on it?" He smirked raising his eyebrows at me.

"I don't know." I pouted and ended up laughing hysterically. To be really honest, I didn't hate the ice when I was on it with him.

Alec ended up laughing too, he knew what I wouldn't admit. I didn't have to tell him anymore. I swallowed though, feeling a tightness in my chest. "Alexander, I just want what is best for you, after the way I treated you for so long you deserve the very best from me. This is the only way I feel close to you." I pulled him in and stood on the tip of my skates to kiss his lips softly and just like always he took my hands to hold me steady.

"Magnus, that's not what I want. I want us to find other ways to feel closer to each other...there has to be other ways." Alec insisted and I believed him. "Maybe you just need to get your career on the road again, start painting again, and god knows I can watch you do that all day...I feel close to you then." He promised me and god, really, like I didn't deserve this man at all.

"I promise, Alexander. I love you." I murmured losing my breath against him. He was doing it again, just that, taking my breath away like the first day I saw him, and dare I ever admit that?

Na.

Or maybe it was time.

Alec lifted me up off of the ice and skated us out of the arena and lead us directly to my bedroom which was technically ours now. He moved his things in and half the room became a mess but I liked it. I hated a mess but I liked his mess and that is how I knew I literally could love everything about him.

I was giggling to myself while he was just stripping us of our clothes. He wasn't even speaking nor asking me why I was laughing. This was normal between us and once he had me right where he wanted, he hopped onto the bed, erect and hard as he beckoned for me to hop on top of him.

Let me tell you, our first time was not like this at all. It was the most romantic night of my life. I never met someone so gentle with me. I was used to things rough and I barely slept with Barry, and it was so all new with Alec and so very refreshing to have someone who worshiped me and took their time with me.

Gradually things got rough with us, but it was still so unbelievably sexy and sensual. Right now, at this moment, he was just wanted me to ride him, and go slow and all I could think about was the very first time and how he was on top of me, moving in and out of me, asking if he was hurting me. His heart was pounding against mine like he couldn't believe it was actually happening. I was making all his dreams come true and he didn't even think that he was making mine.

Why was I thinking about this now? I didn't really know but I gave him a smirk back and crawled myself slowly on top of him. I loved that cock of his and soon I would have it buried deep inside of me, but I had other plans tonight. I laid myself on top of him, my cock rubbing up against his. "Magnus," Alec breathed out heavily, "Whateryoudoin'..." He mumbled trying to adjust underneath all the weight I had on him.

"I want to confess something," I whispered against his lips, gently biting down on his bottom lip, "I wanted to have sex with you the night I met you."

"Y-y-you did?" He stuttered on his words making me giggle and dig my teeth a bit further into his lip as my tongue brushed against his teeth.

"I was uh, how do you put it...I was in a bad place but you were in my house, my ice rink, looking so damn gorgeous - I wouldn't admit that so I turned into the diva that I was." I added to my confession and kissed his lips a bit harshly to keep him from saying something. I could feel him getting harder against me, both our cocks twitching together.

"I can't believe you're telling me this now." He growled at me but I know he enjoyed it. "I was so in love with you..." He confessed and I knew that I was just so blind to see it at first.

"I pushed it back, so far back, I was so afraid, it wasn't until everything surfaced that night." I reminded him and he was nodding at me. I really didn't mean to upset him but I don't think he was completely upset. He was suddenly laughing a little and arched himself up against the bed. I know what he wanted and needed.

"I love you, 'though I can't believe you allowed me to get hard in front of you that day, and then you completely left me hanging..." He was reminding me of that one time we were so close ice-skating together. Barry was even there! And I swore if Barry was there I would have maybe done something but that's not what I envisioned anything with him at that time. What I envisioned between us changed the second I knew I was in love with him.

"I still can't believe that happened but everything changed between us, we became one that night, and I knew what I wanted with you was different than what I needed," I promised as I was licking my hand, coaxing myself, getting our precum all mixed together as I was guided his cock inside of me and I sat up my hands pushing on his chest to give myself leverage as he filled me. "Fuck," I hissed and my head fell back as he arched against the bed to lift his hips to begin to fuck me. Nothing felt more real and unbelievably perfect. I loved riding him. I loved being in control of how he fucked me and he loved watching me bounce on top of him. "Don't stop Alexander, fuck me," I demanded at him when he was slowing down. It was the perfect exercise for him too and I knew with encouragement he would pick up the pace and that was exactly what I needed. We didn't stop until I was spewing out all over his chest and he was releasing inside of me. He was the first person to ever do that and he would be the last and I reminded him again as I fell against him, spent.

He whimpered and panted, he loved that reminder, "I won't ever forget," He breathed out and snuggled up against me. The night was over and tomorrow was the day he tried out for the minor leagues. I had faith in him but I also had my doubts. I filled him with words of encouragment before drifting off to sleep...

Chapter Text

We arrived at the minor league's hockey rink reasonably earlier than we needed to be so Alec could practice. I wanted him to get this. I really believed in him. I also know he believed in himself but there were still so many doubts going through my mind. He could easily get hurt if someone went right for his left side where he was completely incapable of seeing. The worst part about it was that someone could even do it intentionally again knowing it could hurt him even more and he could never play again. Or even the latter and not mean to hurt him at all but it would still be a win for the other team regardless. And you couldn't just tell people about his disability if you wanted to call it that because what I learned from him basically in hockey there are no excuses. It is a contact support and in my opinion, it's actually worse than football.

I was playing hockey with him like I knew what I was doing just to get him going and get him ready and I wanted the coach to see that he can do it naturally as well so they didn't base it on anything else when it was time to try out. I heard some clapping and that's when I skated away for Alec to have his turn at impressing the coach for real. It looked like he was going really well, I honestly don't know what he was supposed to try out except prove he can play good but then that's when it happened...he was falling flat on his ass. Like literally the coach went right for his left side and knocked him over. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you coming." I heard Alec saying getting right back rather gracefully as I taught him to do. I laughed a little shaking my head but it didn't look like the coach was impressed. I skated forward to find out what he was saying.

"There's no excuses in hockey young man,"

"But I'm really good, it's just when someone comes at my left. I have to learn how to feel them behind me instead of looking..." Alec blurted out which was what he told me but it wasn't a good excuse at all.

"We can't have mistakes either, we can't have someone hurt you again, it could possibly only make things worse for you. And there can be lots of lawsuits...I'm sorry, Alec. We thought you were ready for us, you can always try again next year..."

"You don't understand, this is what I want. You saw how good I did ice skating, you saw how quick I got up, you even said to me that you could try to give me defense or even goalie..." Alec was beginning to beg and I hated that desperation in his voice and it hurt me too that he couldn't do what he dreamed of.

"Those positions have been filled already and I'm sorry I promised you this but we can't risk this...I'm sorry." The coach sounded sincere and really cared for Alec's well being but this was still something Alec worked really hard for and wanted so much. It scared me to know that once we walked away from this he might not ever be the same again.

I began skating towards him to get even closer to try to calm him from doing anything because the look on his face really did scare me. "Come on, let's go," I whispered softly and took his hands to pull him towards the exit but he shook his head at me let my hands go rather harshly. I looked to him with one eyebrow, "Alexander," I again spoke softly.

"I don't want to leave yet." He breathed in and reached for the stick and puck on the ice and aimed directly for the goal. He did it with such force the entire net was pushed back. "They don't know what they're missing out on!" He shouted very loudly and I was quick to skate over to the puck in the net, I did it gracefully and felt someone coming towards me and I was quick to stop them and retrieve the puck. It all just came naturally and I went and aimed for Alec giving him a pass. He caught the puck with his stick and shot at the goal again.

"Hold up, stop. You're Alec's figuring skating partner am I right?" The coach asked me when I realized he was the one who tried to check me and I gracefully made him have no choice but to step away.

"Um yeah,"

"Why aren't you trying out for hockey? You just moved so quickly and effortlessly and gave an excellent pass..."

"Me? Play hockey? Are we kidding?" I shouted, "I don't even want to figure skate anymore!"

"I need you on our team!" The coach shouted back to me and I could practically hear Alec ice skating towards him angrily.

"There is no way in hell you are going to pick me over him, absolutely not." He folded his arms firmly against his chest and I looked at him with a sad face.

If we would have just left when I asked him to this predicament would not be happening. I in no way wanted to hurt his ego even more.

"Listen when I see a good player I let them know and you will kill it out there. You are exactly what we need." The coach insisted. I looked to Alec who unfolded his arms as he turned to look at me to basically see my reaction and well now I didn't know what to say or what I was supposed to say.

"Do it." Alec mumbled, "Do it, humor me and do it, you won't last..." He said to me rather condescending in which really hurt me because he was doubting me but it was the truth - like I'm not a hockey player and I absolutely hate the ice so what makes this coach even think I'm going to last?

"Way to crush my ego," I kind of teased him sticking out my tongue but really was I just supposed to say yes now?

I didn't want this. I didn't need this. I just wanted to be with Alec and I promised myself I would do anything to please him and make it right for us because of how I made him feel 6 months prior to our Olympic performance.

It was quiet now, like no one was saying anything so I was looking back to Alec and then the coach. I didn't know what I was going to do. This way too sudden and definitely not something I was going to do for real...was I?

"What if you join me in coaching, Alec? I know you know how Magnus works and every move he can do. You can definitely teach him and the players some of your old tricks..." The coach was suggesting and that actually wasn't a bad idea.

"Umm, I could do that." Alec swallowed and looked at me. "I could live through you..." He said kind of cutely but I was actually kind of still hurting with the way he said I wouldn't last...and now I wanted nothing but to prove to him that I can do this when really I was dreading it - absolutely dreading it at the same time.

"Okay." I said quietly, "But if I fail, you do not have any right to tell me anything and let me just quit?" I raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a soft smirk.

Alec nodded to me and shook the coach's hand and I guess I had to do the same so I did too.

"You have to be in it to win it, I hope you will try your best out there, our first practice game as a team is this Monday at 10 am sharp." The coach told me and I gave a nod and was quick to turn around and grabbed Alec's hand so we could both get the hell out there.

I didn't speak to him until I had my skates off and everything else and we were leaving. "You're not mad at me are you?" Alec asked curiously when I realized I wasn't speaking because I kind of was actually.

"Uh, I mean, well, yeah, I kinda am." I fumbled with my words as we started walking towards the car. He opened the car door for me and closed it when I got in like such a gentleman - like how could I stay mad at him?

"Why are you mad at me?" He asked as he got in while looking at me as he buckled up.

"You didn't have to say what you did, I mean the way you worded it, it kind of hurt." I tried to explain.

"But you hate the ice and you would never ever play hockey..." Alec insisted.

"Yeah, but you said it so hurtful...nevermind...I'm doing this for you." I corrected myself and bit the inside of my lip to shut myself up. I turned to look ahead of me and let Alec drive back to our place. He knew I didn't want to speak anymore when I turned my head. I liked how he got me sometimes and understood me.

When we arrived back home, he parked quickly and unbuckled and didn't say a word to me as he got out and just left me there. So much for being a gentleman and getting the door for me. I stormed in after him and got up right in front of him. "Don't play victim, Alexander. Didn't you hear me? I'm doing this for you, to humor you, to allow you to laugh at me and make me feel stupid out there, I won't last in practice. Don't worry I won't take your sport away from you. You can continue to coach or something once I fail and I'll go back to being the artist I want to be." I pointed at him and raised my voice.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you feel bad about anything. I just, this is all I want and you get it because - because you're so fucking graceful? I'm just as graceful now. I can do this..." He did the thing where he let his leg go all the way up. I had to laugh. I tried not to but I just busted out laughing. "It's not funny."

"No it's not but you're so damn cute, Alexander. Come on, maybe you should continue figure skating? Maybe you can keep doing that." I took my leg and let it stretch all the way too but I went even further than him as I ducked underneath him and ran up the stairs to our room.

I heard Alec running after me as he got past me and jumped directly on to the bed, "I say we order in and spend the entire day up here eating junk food and watching movies and just not think about any of this...nada...zilch..."

"Do I also get your kisses?" I batted my eyelashes jumping on to the bed and landing right next to him with my leg draping around his.

"A million and one." He started to peck my face.

"And if we need to we can talk more about this okay? Because you need to promise me you won't get all hostile on me either way." I tried to speak between the kisses because at least he was calm now about it.

"Promise," He said with a peck and I just tackled him for a deeper kiss.

I loved being with him like this, I hated that we fought but somehow now we could end up kissing and making up for it. Every time I kissed him I felt like I was making up for the lost time since the very first day he walked into my life and I hated the way I treated him. I don't know if I was doing the right thing by doing this and I knew that I was going to fail, but if I failed he would be happy too.

Whatever it was, I like to call this Mistake number one...

Chapter Text

Naptime wasn't working out for me, but Alec seemed to knock out. I never understood that about him. He could be so active and the next thing I knew he was in the middle of a nap. It honestly made me laugh because he was the one who was always up at 6 am sharp when we were practicing. I always teased about it too, I honestly took him for granted. He was doing so much for me. I hoped some of it was for himself but when I look back on it, him doing everything he possibly could do to make it work for me was all out of the love that he had for me. I literally made his life hell just like every other partner but the only difference was that he never left me. He stayed even when I treated him like shit. I really did not deserve him. I never wanted him to think I was taking him for granted either, I just... it's such a long complicated story that will eventually come out.

Anyway, I went downstairs to my ice skating rink. I laced up and moved myself on to the ice rink to skate and try this thing called hockey out. Could I really impress the coaches? Could I really score a goal? Or was I better at blocking? Could I just be fancy and do moves around everyone to distract everyone? I tried it out, getting really into it for a minute or two. I was actually enjoying myself. I couldn't tell anyone that. I couldn't even admit to myself that I was enjoying it. Fuck. I closed my eyes took in a slight breath knowing I truly wanted to be an artist so I can express myself that way. I loved to draw, I loved to paint, and I know I wanted more than anything for people to come and look at my work and if they liked it so much they could purchase it. I stopped what I was doing instantly but not without doing a triple axel and landing on the ice with a split. Holy shit. Where did that come from? Where was Alec to see that? Wait did I even want him to see that but I heard clapping suddenly...oh shit. I swallowed and froze right there on the ice. It all felt ironic when I realized it was just my father just like old times, but oh god...

"Magnus that was incredible." He said out loud.

I just bowed and skated towards him prepared for some lecture but instead, he spoke in a different kind of tone.

"I was coming to tell you about proud I am that you want to do this for Alec but you're supposed to thinking about what you want. The museum, I am working on for you is almost ready to showcase all your hidden art and all the talent that you have in everything that you've painted...but is that what you really want?" He asked me and I was frozen again. He made so many points. I shouldn't be doing this for Alec, but apart of me felt like I owed him. He wanted me to do this right? He wanted to live through me. He was doing to coach me too but did he really want that? I mean we talked about it but I don't think it was enough because there were a lot of questions. He couldn't have his passion anymore and I don't know how he felt about it. I wanted to be an artist and I was going to have that so what was I doing playing hockey? I had to tell him I couldn't do this.

I shook my head and swallowed, "I want to do this. But I also need to be this for Alec." I breathed in and tried to curse out loud like I was in my head repeating 'fuck fuck fuck fuck' over and over because I didn't expect this kind of thing to be so hard in a decision. Why did I have to be such a damn good skater was that just a coincidence?

There was a simple nod from my father and I knew he didn't want to discuss anything with me anymore. He knew he wouldn't win the argument. I wasn't used to that yet, I honestly thought he would fight with me but then I realized maybe I was always looking for something to pick a fight over. I made things more complicated than they were when he just wanted what was best for me. I swallowed again and unlaced my skates and got on my shoes to go for a walk. I hated how quick it got dark in the winter but I went out anyway. I started walking to the one place I knew I wouldn't see anyone. I knew how to get there because I went there every time I just needed to talk to her.

My flowers were still there from the last time, they were slowly dying though, it almost looked painful, as I looked at them I frowned, and tears starting to stream down my face. "I always wondered if you went peacefully mom, it scares me to think that you suffered. I never wanted you to suffer. But even if you were suffering you never showed it. You took everything with pride and always smiled. You told me I could never be a disappointment to you but I felt like I was every single day each time I did a triple axel and hated every single second of it. I don't know if you knew but now when I think about it - I honestly think you did and you gave me a sign by allowing me to draw. When I picked up a pencil or a paintbrush and started to sketch...I felt like this was what I was meant to do and I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm not living out your dream but I'm going to live mine. I think you'll be okay with that." I breathed in wiping my tears and gently touching her grave. I took the almost dead roses with me and started to walk to the small park nearby to take a seat down on a bench I sat on quite a few times.

I kept looking at the roses and I don't know why I was but I wanted to draw them and so I was going to keep them and just use them in my art. I lost myself in my thoughts and I don't know how long I was sitting there until someone sat down next to me.

"Well isn't a small world, what are the odds?" My ex-wife Camille sat down next to me with her laugh that I grew to hate oh so much.

"Oh, hello." I rolled my eyes. I hated the small world that I lived in if I am being quite honest but it was honestly really good to see a familiar face in the moment.

"I promise I didn't follow you here but I saw you at the grave and wondered what you were going to do with the roses so I followed you..." She admitted.

I had to stifle a laugh, surprised I even did laugh at the way I was crying seconds ago. "It's all good, I know you live around here..." I then shrugged.

"Its been quite some time, I saw your performance at the Olympics. That hockey player is an incredible skater, I can't believe you were able to keep him as your partner. You can't keep anything..."

She really had to remind me like that? "Jeez, Camille, can you be any ruder?" I blurted out. There was a reason why we broke up like that - if not that I am sure I could name a hundred and one things too.

"You know me, I always have to tell the truth. But I'm happy for you Magnus. I'm so happy for you. You deserved that Silver, it was what you needed isn't it?"

She also knew me, I think she knew me better than I knew myself, and that kind of sucked because she was not someone I could ever see myself with. I was just like her and I think the way she acted made me who I was to Alec in the beginning. I had a eureka moment and made a face at her before shaking my head and getting up. "I needed that and Alec, I'm in love with him. That's something you and I never had that's for sure." I handed her the dead roses and I was going to turn around and walk away but I wasn't moving. I felt like I was going to wake up from this nightmare any second.

"I know you never loved me, but you also never loved yourself. When you started dating Barry, the sole reason why you never fell in love with him was that you didn't love yourself." Camille answered me telling me the truth I needed to hear, "Alec must have made you see what you truly wanted." And she wasn't wrong. She was right.

"You're right." I took back the dead roses. "I'm going to go and draw these roses and bring them back to life," I told her as if she any idea what I was doing now with my life other than the last time she saw me on tv. She probably did stalk me but I didn't want to think about that or her anymore...I still felt like I was dreaming or all this happening in between Alec sleeping was me having a really long dream.

As I walked back to the house I tried to pinch myself but I wasn't waking up so yeah this was all just a really strange coincidence or just irony. All of it was one big coincidence and irony, right? The light was still on in the ice skating rink so I thought I should shut it before I went to go and find Alec, but I didn't have to search far he was there playing all by himself hitting pucks into the net. "It's like you have an endless supply of hockey pucks." I joked walking slowly onto the ice because I didn't feel like lacing up.

"You always should have an endless amount of hockey pucks," Alec stated matter of factly as he leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead. "Did you have a good walk?"

"How did you know I went on a walk?" I raised an eyebrow taking his hand to stand on my tiptoes to offer him a kiss back.

"It's what you do when I decide to take a nap," He answered again matter of factly.

I laughed. I must be so predictable now.

"You're so predictable." He even answered my thoughts. "To be honest if you weren't gone for a walk and didn't return with the hour I was going to go after you but I started to play hockey..." He frowned a little. "I'm going to be the best coach that I can be for you." He smiled then after and lifted me up into his arms without warning.

I squeaked but it was rather cute. He cradled me as I put my arms around his neck. "Don't drop me." I half-joked but I was so serious right now too because he was on skates and I didn't have my skates to land. I always felt safe with my skates on which was like my mom was watching over me.

"Oh please like I've dropped you before," Alec answered me as very graceful and moved us to the exit. He then let me down gently and started to quickly unlace. He looked up at me and made a slight face, "Is everything okay though?"

"Actually, I went to my mother's grave. I had a bit of cry." I admitted. But that was all I was going to admit for now. I swallowed and hoped he couldn't read me.

"It's okay to cry." He pouted finishing up and lifting me again up and over his shoulders this time and took us back inside the house. I didn't do anything but accept that, I felt like if I spoke about Camille's advice things could get a bit ugly between us. I also forgot to mention to him that I was once married. It was short-lived marriage because I never fully accepted it, I did it to please her and not myself. Then I realized something...I was doing this to please Alec...

I couldn't do it. I couldn't play hockey no matter how good I seemed to be. I needed to live for myself for once. "Alexander," I breathed out his name softly.

He stopped and put me down on the kitchen counter and instantaneously I wrapped my legs around him and drew him close. "I have to be honest with you okay?"

"Of course," He whispered biting down on his bottom lip right after, he knew it was coming.

"I can't play hockey, I can't honestly see myself do something like this. It isn't what I want. I made this kind of mistake before." I swallowed as I spoke. I had to tell him the truth about Camille, "...you see, umm, after my trip to my mom's grave, I ended up seeing my ex-wife and before you scream at me for not telling you sooner please just listen...I married her to please her. I did it so we could "attempt" to live happily ever after because I wanted her to be happy even if I wasn't...I can't do that again. I can't do it with you because I'm in love with you and I'm happy with that...I'm happy with how you make me feel and I can't ruin that by doing something to make you happy...do you understand what I mean?"

It was like Alec stopped working when I mentioned 'ex-wife' and then all that leading up to my question made him just look like he was then about to puke. "I mean," He started off with that was definitely not the words he wanted to say, he truly just lost all respect for me in that moment, I knew it. I should have told him this. But we hadn't really talked about our pasts before either. For all I know he could have an ex-husband or something, wait did he? "I'm not upset that you don't want to do it, you don't have to. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to, and damn, Magnus please don't think you have to do it to make me happy. You do make him happy in other ways, I fell in love with you because of everything that you are." He swore to me and pressed his lips hard against mine as if to shut himself up but no I didn't want him to shut up so I pulled back.

"Even after the way, I treated you? How could you fall in love with me like that? I swore I pushed you so far out of my life because I didn't want you to get to know me." I admitted.

"That's why I kept going, especially when time stood still between us. When we skated together it all just blended together like I was meant to be doing this. When I'm on the ice no matter what I am doing on the ice...I never feel like I should be off of it. I felt that with you only when we were together and when I wasn't with you on the ice you began to hate it again..." He explained to me and that just made so much sense, fuck did it ever.

"Time always did stand still with you, it's what I loved most, it's what is happening right now. My heart beating of my chest, looking at you, falling even harder in love with you." I felt like a true sap but I never meant anything more.

"I'm in love with you too, Magnus, and I'll be damned if you aren't happy," Alec answered my sap and he made me start crying and there he went instantly wiping away my tears.

"What do we do now? Should I still coach? Do you still want to play the game and just be really bad at it so they have no choice to kick you off the team like literally right after that?" Alec shrugged as he spoke.

I laughed just slightly, "That'll work, but what if you get kicked from being a coach because you horribly taught me?" I made a face.

Alec shrugged again, "I'm happy if you're happy. I'll do something, find something, anything else..." He shrugged once more. "I won't give up."

I sniffled a little from my tears and leaned forward to give him a gentle kiss to that small pout of his. I truly was so in love with him. I ended up giggling a little a bit against his lips believing so much in him with that statement because I knew he'd find something he would enjoy. I did have something in mind that he could enjoy now too as I gently moved him even closer trying to hint, and I think he got it...

"The night is young, but what do you say we head to the couch and actually watch a movie now or we could..." He trailed off wiggling his eyebrows.

"We could..." I wiggled my eyebrows back knowing exactly what he wanted but I know for a fact I sure as hell needed it. "I need you right now," I added wiggling my eyebrows and undoing my pants.

"Not here." He schooled me with a shocked look.

"Yes here, I'll be quiet." I was pushing his shirt up to see those abs of his as I licked my lips. "Feel how hard I am for you." I moved his hand over my growing bludge.

"Magnus Bane." He growled at me but stroked me anyway, I moved forward and bit his chin. He loved it when I did that. "I should warn you, I'm not able to be quiet." He spoke just above a whisper before devouring my lips into a kiss...

Our plan was for me to pretend to fuck up and that hockey wasn't for me, but Alec still had dreams of playing hockey and all I could think about was how I was going to get him to live out his dream...

What I didn't know will shock you, however, what Alec decided to do without asking me first and just thinking it was okay will shock you.

And I will tell you all about it, but first, let me have this memory with him knowing how time was standing still and I was falling in love with him all over again...