Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kuroo wasn't freaking out. Really, he wasn't . Just because he was currently face planted on his couch, arm dangling off the end, Shiro sitting curled up on his back and purring contentedly, didn't mean anything.

It had just caught him by surprise, is all. He hadn't seen it coming — a spike to the face, except instead of a volleyball it was feelings.

Which he had, apparently. For Kenma. In a strictly non-platonic way. 

He shifted onto his elbows, Shiro digging her claws in for a second before meowing and jumping off, and pulled out his phone.

sos meet me at the usual cafe in 15. urgent

BROkuto 

I WILL BE THERE!!! 

r u ok???

yeah. just need someone to talk to about this

BROkuto

whats this??? 

i'll tell you in 15

BROkuto

KUROOOO u gotta tell me NOW :((( 

what if i die before i get to the cafe and i never find out what was wrong

then you'd be useless to me so it doesn't matter

BROkuto

BRO :((( 

SO COLD 

I SEE HOW IT IS

Kuroo's phone kept buzzing, but he stopped responding. Should be getting ready to leave, actually, but instead he slumped back into the couch and groaned into the seat cushion, crossing his arms over his head. 

"You're being more dramatic than usual." 

Kuroo shot up so fast he almost fell off, eyes wide and heart thudding. "Kenma!" That had come out way too high-pitched, so he cleared his throat. Time for take two. "Kenma." Better. "What are you doing here?" 

Kenma stared at him, eyebrows just barely pushed together. God, he looked so perfect — headphones dangling around his neck, wearing Kuroo's hoody , hair looking so soft. He just always  looked so perfect. "I… live here?" He set the bags in his hands down — Kenma had gotten groceries on the way back? So thoughtful — and moved closer, reaching out as if to touch Kuroo. "Are you sick?" 

Dodging the touch was out of the question because that would've definitely made Kenma suspicious, so Kuroo held very, very still as the back of Kenma's hand touched his forehead, then under his jaw. It didn't feel different than usual, but Kuroo was much more aware . Wondered what it would feel like if Kenma moved his hand further down his neck and — 

No. Nope. Stop. 

"Don't feel warm… " Kenma muttered, almost to himself, then sighed and moved back. 

Restraining himself from pulling Kenma in was a masterful achievement. "Not sick, just tired. Rough day."

"Oh." Kenma tilted his head. "I can make dinner, then." 

"No!" Kuroo said, shifting off the couch and standing so he could smile down at Kenma. "Don't worry about it. I'm just meeting with Bokuto for a bit, so I'll make dinner when I get back." He stopped himself from reaching out to cup Kenma's cheek, which wouldn't have been odd , he'd done it before, but now that he knew — knew what he knew, it would feel. Wrong. Like taking advantage of Kenma, somehow. 

Kenma shook his head. "If you're tired — " 

"Let me?" Kuroo murmured, leaving off the take care of you that he wanted to tack on as he stepped a little closer. "You bought the groceries, after all." 

The way Kenma pierced him with his eyes, looking into his soul , was something Kuroo would never be able to get used to. "Okay. I'll put them away while you go meet with Bokuto." 

Kuroo burned with the need to kiss Kenma on the cheek and told himself, Burn, then . "Alright, I'll be back in a jiffy." 

" Jiffy ," he heard Kenma repeat with palpable disgust as Kuroo rushed to the door, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his keys. 

"Be back in a flash, dear ," Kuroo drawled, laughing to himself when Kenma shot back, "Or don't." 

His phone buzzed, and he scrolled through all of Bokuto's melodrama to find the latest message.

BROkuto

im gonna be there in 5! do u have a table??

sorry, got distracted talking to kenma

BROkuto 

ohohoho i see ;) 

Kuroo paused for a second, staring down at his phone, because what the fuck? 

????? 

No response was forthcoming, so he shoved his phone into his pocket, cursing when he felt the first few raindrops plop into his hair, quickly turning into much more; he'd meant to grab his jacket, he knew it was going to rain, but Kenma's arrival had thrown that plan out. He'd even forgotten his glasses, so everything around him was a blur. Showing up to the cafe soaking wet would probably piss a lot of people off — himself included — so he ran as fast as he could, getting there in five minutes. Seemed it hadn't helped much because his hair was plastered down onto his forehead, his shirt soaked through, socks wet. At least it wasn't cold.

The barista glared at him, and he shot her a charming smile that worsened it. Shoulders hunched up, he looked around, hoping to see — 

"KUROO! OVER HERE!" 

The three other people in the cafe looked to where the blurry outline of who could only be Bokuto was waving manically, grinning. 

"Let me order," Kuroo said, and Bokuto gave him a thumbs up. Charming hadn't worked, so he gave the barista a sheepish smile as he walked toward her, opening with: "I'm really sorry about that. The rain caught me by surprise." 

The effort she was putting into holding back a sigh was obvious. "It's alright, sir," she said with a customer service smile. "What can I get for you today?" 

"Can I please have a, uh — grande latte, please." 

After the cashier rang him up, he made his way toward the table, shivering a little as the cold from his clothes started to really seep in. Maybe he would end up actually sick like Kenma had suspected instead of just lovesick. 

"Why're you so wet?" Bokuto greeted him. 

Kuroo stared at him. "I felt like taking a shower with my clothes on." 

Rolling his eyes, Bokuto said, "I mean why didn't you bring an umbrella? Or a jacket? The weather dude was talking about how it was supposed to rain today!" 

Because Kenma had flustered him and he had needed to get out. "You don't ever check the forecast, the fuck." 

The way Bokuto puffed out his chest meant Kuroo knew exactly what was coming next. "No, but Akaashi does. Told me to bring an umbrella and a jacket." A frankly disgustingly affectionate grin.  "So smart."

"...Right." When Bokuto started on Akaashi, there was no stopping him, so Kuroo cut in before he could get started with, "Thanks for meeting me on such short notice." 

It snapped Bokuto out of his thoughts and he turned to Kuroo, eyes wide and focused. "Right! Yes! Anything for my bro! What's the SOS urgent issue?" 

"I'm…" he started off with, but couldn't finish. He opened and closed his mouth. Cleared his throat. Looked down at the table. "It's just, I, uh, well. Recently, it has — come to my attention — " He exhaled forcefully. "I have arrived at the conclusion that I." He looked at Bokuto, who was frowning at him, brow furrowed. Before Kuroo could force the words out of his throat — it was three goddamn words — the barista called his name. 

Thank god , he thought as he bolted out of his seat, grabbing his drink with a quiet, "Thanks," and taking as long as he possibly could to get back to the table. 

Bokuto had his arms crossed as he watched Kuroo approach. "Bro. I can't help you with an SOS urgent issue if you don't tell me what it is," he said as soon as Kuroo sat down. 

Taking a sip to buy some time, Kuroo placed the latte gently on the table. Took a deep breath. Looked Bokuto in the eye. "I'm in love with Kenma." 

Bokuto blinked once, twice. A third time. "Yeah?" 

"What do you mean, yeah ?" Kuroo whisper-shouted as he leaned forward. "This is — this is catastrophic ! This changes everything! What if he finds out?" The way he was running his hands through his hair was going to leave a mess, but it probably wouldn't be worse than usual. 

"Bro, I don't see the problem here," Bokuto said, leaning back. "I mean, you two have already been dating for a while now so — " 

"Sorry, what?" Kuroo blurted out, eyes wide. "We've — we haven't been dating , who told you that?" 

"Wait, what do you mean you're not dating?" 

"Exactly what the words mean, Bokuto. I think I'd know if we were dating." 

The same pattern of three owlish blinks. "Okay. Well, do you wanna date him?" 

Forehead hitting the table with a thud , Kuroo groaned, "I don't know . I mean. Yes?" He looked up. "Would it be weird? It would be weird. This is assuming he even feels the same way , fuck. Which he probably doesn't. At all." 

"How d'you know? Did you ask him?" 

"No, but." He propped his chin in his hand. "He's never expressed interest in anyone. Romantically or, like. Sexually." Sex wasn't anything Kuroo was ashamed of — he was good at it — but for some reason thinking about Kenma thinking about sex had his cheeks flushing, unable to look at Bokuto. 

"I mean, what if he just never told you?" 

Kuroo scoffed. "That's ridiculous. He tells me everything. I would know." 

"Maybe he just hasn't liked anyone? Wants to, but no one's interesting enough for him?" 

"Hinata's interesting," Kuroo said. "He could be into Hinata, but he isn't." 

Bokuto waved his hand. "Doesn't count." 

"Why?" 

"Just doesn't. Hinata's… Hinata." 

"Okay," Kuroo said, rolling his eyes. "Maybe he just isn't into guys…?" 

"He once told me he thought Akaashi was very attractive," Bokuto said. "He sighed a little." 

" What ? When?" It wasn't jealousy. It wasn't .

"New Year's last year, when Hinata made him take those shots?" 

"It was irresponsible of Hinata, he knows Kenma's a lightweight," Kuroo grumbled, crossing his arms. The tearful apology Hinata had offered when Kuroo had scolded him, Kenma passed out in his arms, had eased it, but part of him still held a grudge. Then it hit him: "Maybe he just… isn't into me ?" 

"How'll you know if you don't ask ?" Bokuto groaned. 

"Don't be stupid, I can't just ask something like that." Staring at the table, Kuroo tried to think of a way to ask Kenma whether he was into Kuroo without actually asking him. He jolted upright, looking at Bokuto with a wide grin. "I know! I'll start doing subtle boyfriend stuff and see how he reacts! If he's repulsed by that stuff, I know to stop and give up. And if he doesn't hate it, I'll — " He paused, then waved his hand. "I'll cross that bridge when I get there." Downing the rest of his coffee, he stood up, grinning down at Bokuto and patting his shoulder. "Bro, you always know what to say. Thanks." 

Bokuto flashed him two thumbs up, springing out of his own chair. "Hell yeah! As long as you're doing something! Go get him!" 

Kuroo was almost all the way out of the door before Bokuto called his name, and he turned around. 

"You want my umbrella? It's raining pretty hard." 

It was, now that Kuroo actually looked outside. His clothes were still pretty wet, though, since they hadn't been at the cafe for too long, so an umbrella for a five minute run home wasn't worth it. "Nah."

Heart pounding, he let himself smile even as the rain hit his face. 

This was going to be easy. 

*** 

Why was this so hard ? 

True, Kuroo hadn't really had a romantic relationship before, preferring to keep things casual since no one had ever really caught his eye (part of him wondered whether that had anything to do with Kenma and, god, how long had this been going on?). 

There was the stereotypical stuff: chocolates, flowers. Teddy bears or some shit, probably. If Kuroo showed up to the door with a heart-shaped box of candy and a bouquet of flowers, Kenma would either think it was a joke or, if he thought Kuroo was being serious, probably take him to the doctor, so that was out of the question. 

Romance meant tailoring to the other person's likes and dislikes though, right? Okay. Okay, so he had to make a list of what Kenma liked. He pulled out a piece of paper and wrote THINGS KENMA LIKES before jotting down whatever he could think of: video games, apple pie, cats, sleep, not having to do dishes, staying inside, not being noticed. Kuroo thought of the small pleased smile Kenma always got when Kuroo bought something and gifted it to Kenma just because it had made Kuroo think of him, so 'surprise gifts' went onto the list, too. 

Kuroo already bought him video games. Kuroo already baked him apple pie. They had a cat. Kenma usually ended up napping in Kuroo's bed, anyway, whether Kuroo was in it or not — something about it being warmer. The not-doing-dishes is something Kuroo could run with, but it seemed so small, and Kuroo also hated doing the dishes, so they had to take turns. Kenma already usually stayed inside, and unless Kuroo could literally make Kenma invisible, there was nothing he could do to stop others from perceiving Kenma. Maybe buying Kenma more random gifts was the way to go?

None of this was romantic . It wasn't boyfriend stuff, it was just Kenma-and-Kuroo stuff. 

Leaning his chair back, he took off his glasses, tossed them onto the desk, and stared at the ceiling. Why was this so hard ? With a thud , he let his chair back onto all four legs, frowning at the sheet of paper and then glancing at the pile of homework sitting untouched on the side. With a sigh, he folded the sheet up and stuck it into the drawer, reaching for his stupid homework. Whoever had said college was a good idea had obviously never done it before. 

The front door opened and shut. 

"Kenma?" Kuroo said, perking up and grinning. They'd seen each other this morning but it was almost six o'clock — he'd missed Kenma. 

There was no answer, which wasn't unusual, but something felt… off. Frowning, Kuroo padded out of his room, calling out again, "Kenma?" 

Still no response. He ducked into Kenma's room to find it empty, and then went into the living room only to find Kenma still standing by the front door, shivering, completely wet, backpack and shoes still on. 

"Oh, Jesus, sweetheart, what happened?" Kuroo said, rushing forward to tug off the backpack and sling it to the side. 

"Umbrella broke," he said through chattering teeth, and Kuroo knelt to untie his shoes, urging him to kick them off when that was done, then peeling his socks off to be dealt with later. 

"C'mere," he said, tugging on Kenma's wrist, and how cold it was made Kuroo envelop his entire hand to try and warm it up, hurrying a bit to get to the bathroom. "Why weren't you wearing a rain jacket? You know it's raining a lot these days," he couldn't help but scold because Kenma looked pale and wouldn't stop shivering even as he stumbled behind Kuroo. 

"Couldn't find it," Kenma mumbled. 

"You could've just taken mine," Kuroo said, sighing, and pushed Kenma into the bathroom. "Hand me the jacket." 

Fingers clumsy from the cold, it took longer than usual for Kenma to fumble his way out of his jacket. "Then you wouldn't have one." 

"I have an extra one in my closet, and besides, I generate a lot more body heat than you do, anyway," Kuroo said, grabbing the jacket and folding it over his forearm before walking past Kenma and turning the shower on. 

"B-bragging about having muscles again, Kuro? Having more body heat doesn’t mean you’re impervious to rain, by the way." 

"I don't brag ," Kuroo said, eyes narrowed at Kenma, choosing to ignore the last comment because fine , yeah, maybe.

"I've s-seen you flex at yourself in your mirror," Kenma said, rolling his eyes, but the effect was lessened when his entire body shivered violently and Kenma wrapped his arms around himself. 

"I don't do that," Kuroo said with no heat, testing the temperature, satisfied it wasn't too hot. He turned on his heel. "Okay. Get in. I'll bring you some clothes." 

"Thanks, Kuro," Kenma whispered as Kuroo walked past. 

Kuroo ruffled his hair, smiling. "Anytime." Then, chiding, "Doesn't mean you should start getting caught in cold rain frequently, though." 

Kenma tsked, starting to pull his shirt off. "You just ruined my plans for tomorrow."

"I'm sure you can find something else to do," Kuroo said, proud of how steady his voice sounded even as he couldn't stop himself from tracing the droplets of water from Kenma's hair traveling down his neck, into the hollow of his collarbone, further down — 

"Clothes," Kuroo muttered to himself. "I'll leave the — " his voice jumped a bit as Kenma started removing his jeans, and he turned around " — clothes on the towel rod." 

The sound of the shower curtain opening was enough for Kuroo to hightail it out of there, and he scowled at his own stupid behavior. Nothing had changed. Nothing had changed! They did this kind of stuff all the time; the level of comfort they had with each other was borne only through more than a decade of living in each other's pockets. 

Kuroo and his stupid realization couldn't put that into jeapordy. He had to do better. 

Stomping into Kenma's room instead of walking in made him feel marginally better. He grabbed the first shirt he could find, Kenma's favorite pyjama pants — Kuroo had gifted them to him; the cute black cat print, coupled with the soft material, had screamed Kenma — though he never admitted it, and a pair of underwear, stomping back into the bathroom to sling the clothes onto the towel rod.

The shower was still going. 

"You good in there?" 

Kenma hummed. 

"Don't become a prune." 

"Prunes are good for you." 

You certainly aren't good for my cardiovascular health . "I'll be in my room if you need me." Kuroo didn't wait for an answer he knew wasn't coming before heading back to his room, flopping into his chair and sighing. He wanted to nap before dinner, but it would probably be a waste of his time to do so. Instead, he dragged his stupid textbook — entropy and energy; interesting stuff, but not when he was this tired — to front and center, rearranging the problem set in front of him. 

He'd written down a single equation when Kenma came shuffling into his room, yawning. Kuroo looked up, smiling softly. "Better?" 

Kenma hummed as he made a beeline for Kuroo's closet, digging around until he pulled out one of Kuroo's hoodies. Donning it, he climbed into Kuroo's bed, huffing a little as he made himself comfortable. 

Kuroo turned back to his work lest he do something stupid, like blurt out, "I'm in love with you. Date me," because his heart was in the middle of doing some Cirque du Soleil type shit and he needed a breather. 

Focus. Fundamental equation. This is so exciting. Derivatives are fun. 

It took another five minutes of listening to Kenma's soft breathing and Kuroo's inability to read a single sentence and comprehend it before Kuroo was contemplating just giving up and reheating yesterday's leftovers, but just as he made the decision, Kenma said, voice small, "Kuro?" 

Kuroo whirled around, brow furrowed. "Kenma?" 

Kenma's back was turned and he hunched in on himself before forcing himself to relax and turn over. 

Kuroo didn't really need any more than that. Work and food could wait for a bit — he knew what Kenma was asking for. He took off his socks, and, refusing to feel weird about it, crawled into bed next to Kenma, waiting to see how Kenma wanted to play this. 

When Kenma faced him, it meant he didn't want to talk about it; when he faced away, it meant he wanted to. 

Kenma turned his back to Kuroo, reaching back and tugging at his arm. Kuroo got the hint and slung his arm across Kenma's waist, waiting for Kenma to talk. 

"I was late to class this afternoon because I took a nap in the library, and I ended up missing a pop quiz," Kenma started after a while, voice barely above a whisper. "I'm already almost failing the class, I can't afford to miss a quiz." A pause. "Then I was trying to find a seat so I could eat lunch, and I was stupid because I pulled out the bento you made me before finding one, and someone bumped into me spilling it all onto the floor and everyone was looking at me and I had to clean it up. And then my umbrella broke because the wind was strong the moment I got out of class and I had to walk all the way here from campus and I was really cold." 

Waiting a beat, Kuroo made sure Kenma was done before pulling him closer, fitting his head underneath his chin. "I'm sorry. And you're not stupid." Then, softer, "You're okay now." 

Kuroo had to have imagined the slight hitch in Kenma's breath; his mind was just playing tricks on him. 

Lulled by Kenma's gentle breathing, Kuroo's eyes started to droop. He had been maybe another five minutes away from falling asleep when Kenma shifted in his arms, making himself more comfortable. Kuroo blinked the sleep away and glanced down. "Everything good?" 

"Earlier," Kenma started. A moment. "You… you called me sweetheart." 

Kuroo's hand flexed, causing Kenma to flinch a little, and Kuroo relaxed, murmuring an apology. Fuck. Had he? "I did?" 

Kenma nodded.  

Eyes shut tight, Kuroo swallowed and said, "Sorry. Must've slipped out. I won't — I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable." 

"I didn't. Hate it." 

Blinking, Kuroo looked down at Kenma's head. "What?" 

"I didn't hate it," Kenma repeated. "It didn't make me uncomfortable." 

Kuroo smothered his grin into Kenma's hair, trying to stop himself from laughing because Kenma might take it as Kuroo laughing at him . "Is it just sweetheart, or are other pet names okay too?" Kuroo asked, grin morphing into a smirk. "Baby? Babe? Kitten? Honey? Pud — " He coughed a little as Kenma elbowed him in the gut.

"Shut up before I kick you out of bed." 

"Pudding? Muffin? Cutie?" 

"I'm leaving," Kenma said, but didn't even try to move; Kuroo could hear the slight amusement in his voice. 

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Kuroo said, laughing and tightening his hold on Kenma. "I'm gonna set an alarm for an hour, then we're eating dinner, okay?" 

Kenma hummed, and Kuroo grabbed his phone and set the alarm. Before he could rethink it too much, he changed Kenma's contact information with a smirk and showed him, only to have Kenma try to steal the phone out of his hand as Kuroo laughed, holding it away.

Pet names. That was moving toward boyfriend shit, right? And Kenma hadn't hated it.

This counted as progress. Not enough to confirm or deny, but progress nonetheless. 

***

😾❤️

i'm buying dinner what do you want

which place are you stopping by? 

😾❤️

ramen

Kuroo huffed out a laugh, making sure the professor wasn't glancing his way before typing up his reply.

thanks for the specifics 

😾❤️

you have a minute before i order 

just get me whatever

😾❤️

edamame 

kenma no

kenma

what did you order for me 

Kenma sent him a picture of an opened box of edamame twenty minutes later.

  😾❤️

enjoy 

Kuroo sent him a line of crying emojis and put his phone away. He still had another hour left of this lecture before he could go home and eat whatever ramen Kenma had gotten him, and even though he was starving, he had to get through this. 

The moment the clock hit the end of the lecture, he shoved his notebook into his backpack and booked it, making it home in record time. He put his shoes in the rack — tsking as he saw Kenma had just kicked them off, so he put those away, too — and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh. 

Coming home was easily the best part of his day. Today had sucked. This whole week had sucked, actually — he'd been so busy, and the professors had been worse assholes than usual, and two of his study group were sick, and he'd barely gotten to spend time with Kenma, and all he wanted to do right now was cuddle with him on the couch until he dozed off. There was just something about having Kenma in his arms that immediately made everything better, made everything easier to deal with. 

Well, Kuroo knew it wasn't just something , it was love. That was neither here nor there. 

The expected sight was Kenma sitting on the couch, game in hand; what he got was no Kenma. 

Odd. Maybe he was in his room? Kuroo ducked his head into Kenma's room only to find it empty as well. The bathroom door was wide open, and Kuroo's room was vacant. 

He pulled out his phone to text him. He knew he was probably overreacting, and that it was nothing, but it was just — weird for Kenma to disappear without telling him. Not that he owed Kuroo anything; not that they had to be attached at the hip all the time. 

hey where are you? 

He stared at the screen, waiting for the typing bubbles to pop up, but when they didn't, he put his phone away and went through his routine: take out contacts, shower, change. Except the last part of his routine — bother Kenma — had to be ignored.

kenma?

He checked his phone again and saw Kenma had read the message. He was probably just busy.

The ramen was in the fridge, and he stared at it for a while before realizing he wasn't really hungry anymore. Just tired. Probably should force it down, anyway, but the great thing about living on your own was no one was there to tell you what to do. 

With a sigh, he straightened and went through his pre-bedtime routine. It was only seven thirty, but who cared.

He left the light by the front door on and crawled into bed, leaving his door open a crack. 

Kuroo looked up at the ceiling as if it had personally attacked him. He was being stupid. And unfair. Kenma was probably working on homework, or hanging out with some of his classmates if he'd been forced to, or maybe even just wanted to be alone. It didn't matter that Kuroo had a shitty week and had been looking forward to eating dinner with him and then spending time together; they hadn't made plans or anything. He didn't really have the right to be disappointed. 

Maybe if you were boyfriends, he would've told you what his plans were. Given you a heads up , part of him thought, and it was very obviously not true, completely wrong , but that part latched onto the idea.

With a frustrated sigh, Kuroo turned to his side, glaring at the window instead. This was stupid. He was done thinking about it. This was tomorrow's problem.

That settled, he closed his eyes. Exhaustion settled heavy in his limbs, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking about everything else he could be doing right now instead of trying to go to bed. He had mountains of assignments due in four days, an exam in two, and a presentation he still needed to get started on tomorrow. 

Switching positions didn't help get him to sleep, either, his mind still whirring. A pretty bad headache was settling in and he grit his teeth against it; he should probably get some acetaminophen, but that would mean getting out of bed and he really, really didn't want to do that. 

He didn't know how long he alternated between forcing his eyes shut and just staring at the ceiling, feeling his mind grow louder.

The front door opened, the sound cutting through all the clamoring in his brain. A giggle — definitely not Kenma. A soft hushing noise — definitely Kenma. 

"Is Kuroo-san not home?" That had to be Hinata; nobody but him or Bokuto could manage to sound so loud while trying to whisper. 

Kenma mumbled something back. Silence, then the floorboards creaking, followed by the fridge being opened. 

It was only then that Kuroo realized neither Kenma nor Hinata had classes tomorrow, and drinking would definitely explain why Hinata kept giggling at nothing. Trying to tamp down on the surge of irritation — they were just having fun; they weren't being too disruptive; Kuroo would not take out his shitty mood on them — he debated whether he should get up to close his door, potentially alerting Kenma he was awake, or leave it be for a bit longer. 

If he left it, he wouldn't have to get up, so that option won out. He turned his back to the door and curled into himself a little, scowling at nothing. 

He heard the footsteps down the hallway, only for them to pause in front of his door. 

"Go into my room. I'm just going to check on him," Kenma whispered, but Kuroo could hear the slight slurring of his words. Definitely a little drunk.  

"Okay!" Hinata whisper-shouted, and he scampered off. 

"Kuro?" Kenma said softly, pushing the door open. It creaked on its hinges; no one had ever accused this building of being new. 

Would feigning being asleep be a better or worse option right now? Maybe if — 

"Kuro, I know you're awake." 

Heaving a sigh, he turned toward the door, thankful there was no light so Kenma couldn't see him. Trying to inject a smile into his voice, he said, "Hey. Fun night?" 

He heard Kenma shuffle closer and Kuroo instinctively shifted back to make room for Kenma. "Yes. You didn't eat." The mattress dipped.

" 'M not hungry," Kuroo said, aiming for nonchalant and probably missing by a mile. "Just tired. Lots of stuff to do tomorrow. Make sure you drink water before going to bed, okay? Make sure Hinata does — " 

A warm hand on his mouth cut him off, and Kuroo stared, wide-eyed, at where Kenma was sitting. "Kuro. Stop worrying about me and tell me what's wrong." 

Kuroo waited for Kenma to remove his hand so he could speak, but when Kenma didn't, Kuroo said, "Kenma," and Kenma startled a bit before removing his hand, mumbling, "Sorry." 

The word Nothing was on the tip of his tongue, but he could make out Kenma staring straight at him through the dark so what came out was, "Been a rough week. Lots to do." He paused. Swallowed. Knew how fucking stupid he sounded as he turned his face to the side and whispered, "You didn't tell me where you were and I thought we were gonna eat together since we haven't had dinner together in a while and then you didn't reply to my text." Realizing he'd said all that outloud , he whipped around to stare at Kenma with wide eyes. "Fuck, wait, sorry, ignore that, I'm just being stupid, just tired, y'know — " he tried letting out a quick laugh but whatever sound came out probably made it worse " — stress and shit." 

With every second that passed by where Kenma stayed silent, Kuroo's heart rate increased proportionally. He probably sounded so needy. He was being needy. It wasn't fair to Kenma. 

Finally: "I'm sorry, Kuro. I didn't realize you've been this stressed this week. I saw your messages but Shoyou distracted me and I forgot to reply." He leaned closer, blinking at Kuroo, and tilted his head. "Forgive me?" 

It wasn't often Kenma said sorry, but it was funny that Kenma thought there would be any other answer except always . "You don't have anything to apologize for. Like I said, just had a shitty week, so I'm probably overreacting — "

Kenma's hand was carding through his hair, and Kuroo felt the words dry up on his tongue when he felt it. "Kuro. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" 

Kuroo swallowed. "Of course." 

And then Kenma leant in, closer, and closer, and closer, and Kuroo shut his eyes tight, trying to control his breathing so he didn't sound like he'd just ran a marathon. A warm, soft pressure on his forehead, and Kenma was pulling away, tugging at Kuroo's shoulder.

Kuroo bit down on the noise of protest that tried to escape, grinding it into dust. Then waited a few seconds as his brain booted back up online because had Kenma just given him a forehead kiss ? On his forehead? With his lips? 

"Come on. Time to eat." 

Passing a hand over his face, Kuroo groaned, "Kenma, I just wanna — " 

Kenma crossed his arms. "Eat." 

And Kuroo was all too familiar with that tone — he hadn't managed to beat it yet, and tonight probably wasn't going to be the day, either, so he grumbled and swung himself out of bed, stretching a little as he followed Kenma out. 

"Night, Kenma," Kuroo said, turning toward the kitchen only to have Kenma turn the same way too. He stopped. "Your room is in the opposite direction." 

"I'm not leaving until I see you finish dinner," Kenma said, and Kuroo always forgot how much more stubborn Kenma got after he'd been drinking. 

"Fine," Kuroo said, crossing his own arms. "Only if you drink water and make Hinata do the same." 

Kenma narrowed his eyes. "Fine." He stepped past Kuroo and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, filling both up with water before turning to look over his shoulder, raising his eyebrows. 

Kuroo rolled his eyes and brought out the ramen from the fridge, starting to heat it, complaining about how this meant he would have to brush his teeth again . "Drink up," he told Kenma, nodding at the glass clutched between his hand, and Kenma gave him a little pout before taking delicate sips. 

"I will never understand why you hate water." 

Kenma sighed, as if he couldn't possibly deal with Kuroo's ignorance right now. "I don't hate it, it just tastes bad." 

"It's water . It doesn't have a taste." Before they could rehash the argument for the nth time, Kuroo turned around and rummaged through the cupboard and dragged out a flavor pack for the water. It had been the healthiest one he could find with no added sugars, but who really knew what was in it. 

Kenma's eyes lit up. "You bought more?"

"Yes, because I know this'll motivate you to drink more water," he said, frowning as he tossed the packet to Kenma, "though you shouldn't need more motivation." 

"You're the one worried, not me," Kenma said, then nodded at the bowl of ramen sitting on the counter. "Eat so I can drink." 

"Yeah, yeah," Kuroo said, and they stood in the kitchen together in silence. Kuroo couldn't help but keep sneaking looks at Kenma as he gulped down the now bright-red water, and he knew there was no way Kenma didn't notice, but he was kind enough to keep the observation to himself. 

"I'm going to go give this to Shoyo," Kenma said, putting his own glass into the sink and picking up the one that was full. 

"Okay," Kuroo said, and he hadn't realized how hungry he actually was until he realized he'd almost demolished the entire bowl of ramen in about two minutes. He tossed the disposable container and quickly brushed his teeth before crawling into bed. His mind was quieter but he knew sleep would be a lost cause today. He'd try for another hour and if it didn't work, he would just get up and finish his assignments. 

What he didn't expect was to hear the door creak open. He sat up. "Kenma? Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," Kenma said, then shoved Kuroo so he made space for Kenma. Kenma laid down and then grabbed Kuroo and gently tugged so Kuroo was resting his head against Kenma's chest, and Kuroo was so bewildered he didn't even think of resisting. 

"I'm certainly not complaining," Kuroo started, "but what are you doing here?" 

"You're not gonna sleep by yourself," Kenma said, and Kuroo was about to protest — it was the truth, but still — when Kenma started running his hand through Kuroo's hair, occasionally scratching his scalp, and Kuroo melted, letting out a soft sigh, eyes fluttering shut, Kenma's heartbeat underneath his ear. 

"Go to sleep, Kuro." 

Chapter Text

sos meet me at the usual cafe in 15. urgent

BROkuto

is this about kenma!!!!! 

i can be there in 30!!! 

did u tell him??

OH NO DID HE SAY NO????????

bro just meet me there i'll tell you everything

BROkuto

KUROOOOOOOO y do u always do this to me :(((((((

Kuroo ignored the subsequent texts whining about leaving Bokuto in the dark, but this really wasn't a conversation he wanted to have over text. He paced in his bedroom, checking his phone for the time every few moments, gritting his teeth when it seemed to stagnate. 

It was the weekend. Kenma was hanging out with Hinata and some new kid Hinata had adopted named Lev, and he had the apartment to himself. Technically, he could've invited Bokuto over, but it wasn't worth the risk. This was too important a conversation to risk Kenma coming home early or something. 

When it was finally time to leave, he shrugged on his jacket and shoved his hands into the pockets, head down. 

It had been three days since The Forehead Kiss, and Kuroo had spent most of his time replaying that in his mind. That had to mean something, right? That Kenma was — maybe interested? Or at least not completely opposed? You didn't kiss your bro's forehead after playing with their hair and snuggling them up against your chest, right? He'd never do that to Bokuto , not least because his hair would probably just keep poking at Kuroo's chin, anyway. 

The rain had stopped before Kuroo had headed out, so he took his time walking, trying to clear his head. The words he wanted to say were all in his head, but the order in which he wanted them to come out was still up for debate. When he made it to the cafe, he ordered an americano and grabbed the table by the window so he could stare out of it, lost in thought. 

A hand slamming his shoulder three times, followed by the "HEY HEY HEY!" startled him back into the present, and he rolled his eyes, pretending he hadn't almost yelled. "Give a guy a warning!" 

Bokuto threw his head back and laughed. "And what's the fun in that? What're you being so emo for, anyway, staring out the window like you're the lead in a drama?" Plopping down onto the seat across from Kuroo, Bokuto's grin faded and he leaned forward. "Wait. Did Kenma really… reject you?" 

"No, he didn't," Kuroo said. "I, well." Looking down, Kuroo scratched at the table with his thumb.  "Still haven't told him." 

"WHAT?" 

The barista saved the day again as she called out his name, and he hurried toward the counter, feeling Bokuto's judgemental eyes following him. As he made his way back to the seat, he raised his hand to stop Bokuto from interrogating him and instead pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. 

"I haven't told him, because I don't know if I want to." 

Bokuto's face scrunched up, and under any other circumstances, it would've been hilarious. 

Scratch that, it was still pretty funny. 

"But why ?" 

"Because it'll change everything. Kenma isn't good with change," he said, running his hand through his hair. 

" Kenma isn't," Bokuto said, raising his eyebrows, then nodded. "Man, Akaashi told me you'd be saying stuff like this. He's so much better at this stuff than I am." 

"Wait, you told Akaashi ?" Kuroo yelped, mouth open in disbelief, knowing even as he said it that, yeah, of course Bokuto did. "I've been telling you all this stuff in secret , what the fuck, you can't just — " he waved his arms around " — go around telling everybody!" 

"Akaashi isn't everybody , he's the love of my life! I would never keep anything from him!" 

"I know," Kuroo said, sighing, rubbing a hand over his face. "I know. Sorry. I think I'm just — stressed about this whole situation and don't want more people to know what a fucking mess I am." 

"No offense, bro, but everyone already knows," Bokuto said, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Thanks," Kuroo said, glaring.

Bokuto raised his hands in the universal gesture of I-come-in-peace. "Hey, I'm not saying anything new here." 

The dramatic groan Kuroo let out was well-earned, in his opinion. "I should just become a monk." 

"Oh man," Bokuto said, then started laughing hard, slamming his hand against the table. "Oh, god, you — " He pointed at Kuroo, laughter turning into wheezing. "You, bald ." He slumped onto the table. 

"Glad I could entertain you." 

"Okay, okay," Bokuto said, straightening, wiping his eyes. "Okay. I'm good now." He cleared his throat, still obviously biting down on a smile. "Kenma. You. You and Kenma, together. What's not to like?" 

All at once, the words that had been buzzing around in Kuroo's head decided to undergo a mass exodus: "What if it changes everything? What if we hate it? What if we start hating each other ? What if one of us stops being in love with the other? What if we stop being friends? What if we get to a point where we can't even stand to see each other? What if — " 

"Whoa, dude," Bokuto interrupted, eyes wide as he reached out to put a hand on one of the arms Kuroo had been waving around. "You can't overthink this that much ." 

"Watch me," Kuroo said, frowning. It wasn't overthinking , it was just being cautious. Examining all the angles. Strategizing. 

"Listen. You guys are in love. That's all you need to know," Bokuto said, leaning back in his chair. "It'll work out. Just trust in each other." 

"Not everyone has a fairytale romance like you and Akaashi, Bokuto," Kuroo sighed, propping his chin in his hand. 

At that, Bokuto's eyes sharpened. "Nothing about it was fairytale. We both work really hard and have to communicate. You know we didn't just fall into each other's arms, Kuroo, you've been there for most of the process. Just because we're in love doesn't mean it's effortless."  

Kuroo winced. "You're right, you're right. Sorry." He took a deep breath, and then, looking out the window, admitted in a small voice, "I don't want to lose him. Ever. He's — too important." 

"Is Kenma the kinda guy who'd leave because of something like this?" 

"No." Kuroo turned to look at Bokuto. "But what if something like this causes us to drift apart?" 

"Do you trust the bond and friendship you guys have more, or do you trust some weird what-if more?" 

Kuroo blinked. "How much of this is from Akaashi, and how much of this is from you?" 

" Hey !" Bokuto yelled, puffing out his chest. "It could all be from me! I can be wise!" 

"Uh-huh," Kuroo said, nodding. "So how much." 

"...Like seventy-five percent from Akaashi and twenty-five percent from me," Bokuto said, slumping as he pouted, and then straightened, pointing at Kuroo. "I was important, though! I told him what you were probably thinking!" 

Kuroo shook his head, smiling. "Yeah. You're good at that." 

Bokuto's eyes went wide as he pouted. " Bro ." 

Kuroo nodded. "Bro." 

"I've always got your back." 

"I've always got yours, man." 

"Now go tell Kenma how you feel! Pull him into your arms — " he violently mimed pulling something into his arms " — look him in the face, and say — " Bokuto paused, turning uncharacteristically serious eyes at Kuroo. "I love you." 

Kuroo took a deep breath. "I'll think about it." 

" No ," Bokuto whined, tilting his head back. "Just do it ." 

"Okay, Nike." 

"That joke's getting old." 

"So are you." It was so easy to derail Bokuto. 

" Hey!"

"Well, I gotta go," Kuroo said as he stood, and leaned over to pat Bokuto on the shoulder. "Tell Akaashi thanks from me." 

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?" Bokuto yelled as Kuroo turned around, not bothering to hide how he was laughing. "DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE, YOU ASSHOLE!" 

"Don't forget your drink!" Kuroo called over his shoulder as he saw Bokuto getting out of his seat, probably to chase Kuroo down. "Can't be rude." 

Before Bokuto could get started on his response, Kuroo ducked out of the cafe, shoving his hands in his pockets, turning over what Akaashi-through-Bokuto had told him. 

The facts were: he loved Kenma. He wanted to stay by Kenma's side forever — which should've been a daunting thought, considering how long forever was, but the idea of having a Kenma-shaped hole in his life was just unthinkable; intolerable; impossible. He wanted to be there to comfort Kenma and make sure he was taking care of himself; to support him in every possible way.

When he thought about it, that was what he was doing, anyway. 

Would being upfront really change anything? At most, wouldn't it just put the idea of sex on the table? 

Do you trust the bond and friendship you guys have more, or do you trust some weird what-if more?

The answer to that was obvious. He trusted Kenma. 

Maybe it was time. 

*** 

The moment he saw Kenma sitting on the couch when he got home, curled up in a blanket with a warm cup of tea in one hand, Shiro sitting in his lap, and his kindle in his other hand, Kuroo felt his earlier resolve weaken because this — this is what he was risking. 

When Kenma heard the front door shut, his head shot up, turning to offer Kuroo a small smile that always felt like it was the widest, blinding grin because it was reserved for Kuroo and no one else, but whatever expression Kuroo must've been wearing had Kenma furrowing his brow. His hair was tied back, but a few strands fell onto his face; Kuroo's fingers twitched with the need to tuck them behind Kenma's ear, to lean down and press a kiss to his cheek, 

"Honey, I'm home," Kuroo said, far too late, trying to smirk like he usually did.  

"Did you remember to get soy sauce for dinner?" Kenma asked, having no problem looking as unimpressed as he usually did. 

" Fuck ," Kuroo hissed, and started shoving on his shoes, grabbing the keys he'd just tossed into the bowl. "I knew I was forgetting something, I'll go — " 

"It's okay, I borrowed Shoyo's," Kenma said. "I thought you might forget." 

Pausing his frantic motions, Kuroo sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I don't know how I totally blanked on that." As he put his keys and shoes away, he ran Kenma's words back. "Wait, why did you think I might forget?" 

"Come sit," Kenma said, gesturing at the empty spot next to him. 

Eyes narrowed, Kuroo tried to read Kenma's face. Didn't look like anything weird was up — Kenma didn't look displeased or angry, but Kenma also didn't usually tell him to come sit . "What's up? Did you need to talk about something?" 

"Come sit, Kuro," Kenma said, raising an eyebrow. 

Eyes trained on Kenma, Kuroo shuffled into the room, sitting on the couch facing Kenma and clutching a pillow into his chest, propping his chin on it. "I'm sitting." 

"I thought you'd forget because you told me earlier that you had a rough week and have a lot to do," Kenma said, looking down at Shiro as he pet her. "And…" He looked up, and Kuroo felt caught. "You've been distracted." 

Kuroo's mouth felt like a desert. Shoulders hunched up, he huffed a laugh, tried for a sheepish smile. "Well, like you said, I've had a rough week, y'know, just tired — sorry about the soy sauce, I can still go out and get it — " 

"Kuro," Kenma said, rolling his eyes. "It isn't about the soy sauce." 

I know! Kuroo wanted to scream. I know, but I can't tell you what it is about.

"What aren't you telling me?" 

"Nothing." Fuck, that had been too quick a denial. God, he hated lying to Kenma; couldn't even look him in the eye . But it was better this way, right? "Really." He tried for a smile, looking up at Kenma. "Like I said, just been tired. Busy. You know how it is." 

If Kuroo wasn't in the habit of studying Kenma — mooning over, as Bokuto had so helpfully put it in the past — he would've missed the expression flitting across Kenma's face before he returned to petting Shiro, face turned away. "Okay." 

It was unmistakable — Kenma was hurt. 

Kenma knew Kuroo was lying, of course he did, and now he was hurt . Because of Kuroo. 

"I'm sorry, that was a lie." The words were out before Kuroo could stop them because he hated the thought of being the one to put that expression there, to be the reason Kenma was hurt, knowing Kenma would never bring it up. "It's — I've just been distracted." 

"I'm aware," Kenma said, voice flat, still not looking at him. 

"It's because I… " Kuroo took a deep breath. It was now or never. He swallowed. Turned to face Kenma, whose eyes were trained on him, pinning him in place. "I love you." Getting the words out felt as if he had unclogged a drain, and suddenly, everything was flowing out: "I'm in love with you, and I don't think I can ever stop it, and I want to be by your side for as long as you'll let me." 

Silence hung in the air for a moment before Kenma's words deflated it: "...Yes?" He was looking at Kuroo as if he wasn't making sense. "I love you, too?" 

Opening and shutting his mouth, Kuroo shifted on the couch, leaned closer. Shaking his head, he said, "No, you don't understand — I'm in love with you." 

"...Yeah," Kenma said, nodding slowly. "Me, too?" He tilted his head, a few strands of hair following the motion. "Is this — why has that been distracting you?" 

"Kenma," Kuroo said, leaning even closer, reaching out to hold one of Kenma's hands because Kenma wasn't getting it . "I'm in love . Like, boyfriend type shit. Not platonic friend shit." 

"I know the difference between in love and love," Kenma said, rolling his eyes, and he shifted to better face Kuroo too, then bit his lip. "Isn't that… what we've basically been doing? I thought… you knew? Isn't that what we both want?"

Wait, what do you mean you're not dating? Bokuto's words rang through his mind. 

Jesus Christ. Bokuto had figured it out before Kuroo had. Bokuto . He was never living this down. 

"Oh my god," Kuroo whispered. "Oh my god ." He buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. 

"Kuro?" A small hand gently placed on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" 

Shaking his head, he lifted his head, unable to stop the incredulous laughter. "Bokuto figured it out before I did." 

"Oh." Kenma raised both eyebrows. "He deserves to rub it in your face."

"Why didn't you tell me !" Kuroo said, throwing his hands up. "I've been agonizing over this for weeks !" 

"I thought we both knew," Kenma said, shrugging. "Not my fault you're dense." He paused, looking at Kuroo. "Did you really just realize you loved me in the past couple of weeks? What changed?" 

"Nothing," Kuroo grumbled. What had changed was that Kuroo had seen Hinata hanging all over Kenma in a way that only Kuroo had been allowed to do before, and the intense anger that had shot through him had forced him to sit down and ask why . The inevitable conclusion — it was jealousy — had led to the realization that, oh, he was in love. Obviously. 

"Kuro. You're lying again." 

"It's embarrassing , okay," Kuroo said, burying his face in the cushion in his arms. 

"That's never stopped you from living life before. Most of what you do is embarrassing." 

"I just saw Hinata all over you like — like only I get to be, and you didn't hate it, and I got angry. And then realized why I'd gotten angry," Kuroo said, refusing to look at Kenma. 

"You're hopeless," Kenma said, but his tone was fond enough to alleviate any sting the words might have caused. 

"Hopelessly in love," Kuroo shot back, smirking. He paused before saying, "So… you want to date. Officially. Officially be my boyfriend. Right?" 

"Kuro," Kenma said, and he sounded so serious, all traces of mirth vanished from Kuroo's mind. "I don't care what you want to call it. It's why I never bothered to talk about it, because I thought we both knew. Did you really think this is how 'just friends' acted?" The raised eyebrow aimed at Kuroo added to the feeling of I'm an idiot because, apparently, he had. "If you want to call me your boyfriend, sure. If you want to say we're dating, I'm okay with that. All I know is that I want to stay by your side, and I love you." 

And how was Kuroo supposed to respond to that? All he could do was gape at Kenma, his throat refusing to cooperate when he tried to form words. "Kenma," he choked out finally. 

"Don't get sentimental," Kenma mumbled, looking away. "Are you done being distracted now? Can I count on you doing groceries tom — " Kenma yelped as Kuroo threw himself forward to wrap him up in a hug, flattening him to the couch. 

"I love you," Kuroo mumbled into Kenma's collarbone, then raised his head, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt at the flush on Kenma's face, the way he was smiling back. "I love you. I love you." 

"I got that," Kenma said, poking Kuroo's cheek. "You're so heavy. Stop crushing me." 

"Can't stop crushing on you, sorry," Kuroo said, burying his face into Kenma's chest. 

"Kuro," Kenma sighed. 

"Let me bask . You owe me." Peering up at Kenma, he added, "And don't think I don't see you smiling. Coming from you, that's basically you jumping for joy." 

"I'm not smiling," Kenma said, smiling. 

A weight landed on Kuroo's back, causing him to let out a small oof , and he felt Shiro knead her claws in before walking up, sitting on the back of his neck as she tried to nuzzle Kenma's face, and Kuroo grinned. Wasn't sure he'd stopped, really. 

"Can't move now. I'm her seat. And what she wants, she gets." Kuroo brought up one of his hands to cup one of Kenma's cheeks and said softly, "Like father, like daughter."  

"Gross," Kenma said, leaning into the touch. 

"Can be even grosser," Kuroo said, leaning forward, eyes flicking between Kenma's lips — how did they look so soft ? He barely hydrated and didn't even use chapstick — and his eyes, pausing when he was centimeters away. "Is this okay?" he breathed. 

The answer was given in the form of Kenma closing the gap, pressing his mouth against Kuroo's, and Kuroo couldn't help but gasp, try to get closer, bring his arms up to wind them around Kenma's neck — 

Shiro yowled as Kuroo's head tilted too far to the side, dislodging her perch, and she scrambled over his head, causing him to jerk back as her claws dug into his neck. "Fucking — Shiro ," he hissed at where she was staring back at him from the arm of the couch, meowing at him. "Are you serious?" 

Kenma laughed, and Kuroo immediately forgot to be annoyed. "Don't scold her," Kenma said, smiling wide. "She's just protecting my virtue." 

"Protecting you is — " Kuroo immediately snapped his mouth shut, cheeks heating up. Oh, god, he'd been about to say protecting Kenma was his job. Out loud. To Kenma's face . 

"Kuro," Kenma said, solemn. "Were you about to say protecting me was your job." 

"Shut up ," Kuro whined, shoving his face into Kenma's neck, and he was sure Kenma could feel how warm he was. "I wasn't." 

"Do you ever get tired of being so cliche and cheesy?" 

" Kenma ." 

Kenma sighed, running a hand through Kuroo's hair. "What am I supposed to do with you?" 

Kuroo swallowed, dropping a feather-light kiss against Kenma's neck, and whispered, "Anything you want."