Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It goes like this:

Teruhashi, breathless, traps him on the school rooftop during one of their breaks.

“S-So, um, ah, if it’s not too much to ask…” She fidgets, sneaking glances at him. Then, she clasps her hands together, pleading, “Please pretend to be my boyfriend!”

I’m so embarrassed, I could die on the spot. Stupid brother! Why, of all people, is it Saiki-kun?!

Saiki’s answer is simple. “Ask someone else.”

But nothing in the world is that easy because her shoulders droop, the energy draining from her body, and she shakes her head.

“It has to be you.”

Teruhashi takes a deep breath before jumping into a long-winded explanation.

Saiki watches the events pan out as she talks him through an unprompted flashback.

“My parents have been traveling around Europe for the past few years, but they’re back home for the week. And my brother has been unhelpfully updating them on my life, and for some reason, he just kept going on about you and how you’ve been such a bad influence on me, and he just made me so mad when he talked about you like that, and it kind of just… sort of… came out… that you were my boyfriend.”

Teruhashi says the last part in a hurry, avoiding his eyes. Her hands are wrapped around the hem of her skirt, balling fistfuls of fabric as she rocks back and forth on her heels.

What a pain.

“And now my parents are curious about what kind of person captured the heart of their daughter… I-I mean, not that you captured my heart or anything, but they just think so, and it’s all Makoto’s fault!”

That’s right. It’s his fault. So why does he have to be dragged into this?

Now I’ve said too much. I didn’t mean to vent to Saiki-kun, especially since I’m asking him for a favor. I shouldn’t have said anything at all! Why did I think this was going to work?

But Teruhashi genuinely feels bad about it, and only because Saiki’s recently come to realize that friends do nice things for other friends, even when said friend is harboring a crush on him, and in no way fake-dating said friend with a crush on him will lead anywhere good, he starts to feel a little bad, too. Having a conscious really sucks, sometimes.

“U-Um, once they’re back in Europe, we can break up like it never even happened! It’s just for one night… will you please think about it, Saiki-kun?”

Her puppy-dog eyes do not work on him.

Unfortunately, they work on God.

The number one law in this universe states that whatever Teruhashi Kokomi wants, she gets.

—

And then:

“Kuu-chan, you’re going on a date?!”

“Kusuo? You? Dating?!”

“It’s not a date.”

It’s a date.

But as much as Saiki wants to convince them otherwise, his parents are already losing themselves to their delusions, so it’s practically a useless fight.

He’s only telling them because they’re the type to not eat dinner without the whole family present, and he doesn’t want his mom to worry about him. Lying about it will only backfire on him in the end, anyway. God hates him like that.

“So, I’m going now,” he says, and then stresses, “Don’t wait up for me.”

They are definitely going to be waiting for him.

“Our Kusuo is growing up so fast,” his father blubbers through tears and snot and miscellaneous liquids, reaching his arms out. It’s kind of gross, really, and Saiki dodges his hug.

“Oh, but you can’t just wear that!” his mother says, gasping.

Saiki looks down at his outfit: a sweater over a button-up shirt and pants. He plans on wearing a jacket in case it gets cold out. Plain and simple, just how he likes it.

But it’s his mom, and she’s a different type of insistent, already holding up the house phone and punching in numbers. “I’m going to ask Kokomi-chan what her favorite animal is!”

Something akin to what regular people call ‘fear’ surges through his body.

Before he can put a stop to it, his father steps up.

“Wait!” He takes the phone away from her, holding it tightly against his chest while warding her away.

Saiki lets out a sigh of relief. Sometimes his father is reliable.

His dad brings up the phone to his ear, punching in numbers at a faster pace, his face reddening at the thought of getting to talk to Teruhashi. “I’ll call.”

“No.”

Saiki pulls the phone out of his father’s hands using telekinesis, and promptly makes it combust in a controlled explosion. The remains crumble to ashes at his feet.

“Kusuo! Our telephone!”

Good grief. He makes a mental note to restore it back to normal when he gets back from Teruhashi’s later tonight. But right now, that phone is the devil.

His mom pays no mind to the burnt telephone, humming to herself as she rummages around her sewing station.

“Hmm,” she says as she pulls out several patterned fabrics from the drawer, her eyes twinkling, “I wonder if she likes cats or dogs more?”

He imagines himself wearing a dog-print cardigan for his dinner with Teruhashi’s family.

Actually, that might make her hate him. He would hate him.

Saiki considers it for a second.

He looks to his father for his opinion.

His father, of course, avoids eye contact and starts whistling, in the process of sweeping the debris into one neat pile on the floor for Saiki to fix later.

You know I can’t go against your Mama when it makes her so happy. You should just wear it, Kusuo.

But then he thinks about Makoto seeing him wear a dog-print cardigan, a smug look on his face as he goes, “You shitty four-eyes, using my information about Kokomi for your own good, huh?” or whatever else his perverted, twisted mind can come up with. He kind of wants to strangle him, imagination or not.

So, Saiki does what any normal teenager would do in this situation.

He teleports away.

“Kuu-chan!”

“Kusuo!”

—

They’re outside her house, only at Teruhashi’s insistence, busying themselves with last-minute preparations for his meeting with her family.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” she says, trying to hide the fact she’s the one making the fuss, her thoughts more jumbled than usual around him.

Saiki knows this very well.

The thought crossed his mind several times since she asked him. And again, and again, and again.

Toritsuka, Akechi, or even Aiura could’ve taken his place if he bribed them enough. Well, he wouldn’t have to bribe Toritsuka to go on a date, but he would have to bribe him to play nice. He wasn’t sure Akechi could play the silent act for the whole night, so that idea was a bust. And he didn’t exactly trust Aiura to be in the same room as Teruhashi unless absolutely necessary.

Anyone else would’ve told someone about it, too. Teruhashi made it explicitly clear that no one could find out, and this is one of the rare times where they’re on the same page. If word got out that Teruhashi Kokomi’s looking for someone to play her fake boyfriend, the future where World War III happens may become a reality.

That’s why he’s doing this.

For mankind.

That, and she promised him sweets after this is all over. He’s a simple man.

Besides, the thought of having to listen to her brother gloat about how Saiki didn’t show up to such an important date, so obviously Makoto’s the only one who’s worthy of Teruhashi’s love and attention, pisses him off. It’s just an added bonus that by helping Teruhashi, he gets the satisfaction of wiping that stupid, overconfident grin off Makoto’s face.

“You didn’t give me much of a choice,” he tells her.

Teruhashi looks down at her feet, her voice bashful. “Thank you for doing this, Saiki-kun.”

It’s still a little embarrassing that I had to ask him, but he agreed, so… I mean, isn’t this good for him? He gets a chance to date me, even if it’s only pretend. I’ll definitely get him to say “oh!” tonight.

She’s staring at him, now, well into his personal bubble. For some reason, it makes him a little self-conscious, and he tries to widen the gap between them, leaning backward.

Should I have made him wear a tux ahead of time? Or told him to bring flowers? I know he has contacts, too.

And then her face flushes red, a soft smile playing on her lips. Well, it doesn’t matter. Saiki-kun’s the best when he’s like this.

Saiki swallows.

Something about this situation reads as dangerous to him. Warning bells are definitely going off somewhere. Or maybe that’s just Teruhashi.

Ah, but his hair. It’s messy.

Teruhashi starts fixing his hair, concentrated as she combs through it with her fingers. She’s careful to avoid his hairpins, focusing on tucking loose strands into place behind his ears. When the tips of her fingers lightly brush against his skin, he holds back the urge to shiver. He’s not used to people touching him like this.

But he can’t really blame her, either, because even she doesn’t know she’s doing it. Her mind is elsewhere. Everything needs to be perfect.

Saiki reaches out to grab onto her wrist, gently pulling it away from his hair.

Teruhashi’s usually more aware than this. She must be more nervous than he thought.

She jerks backward, eyes widening in realization as she squeaks out a small, “I—oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, Saiki-kun, I just—”

Wait. Is he holding my hand? This counts as holding my hand, right? Is he going to say “oh” next?!

Saiki doesn’t understand how she jumps from holding hands to saying “oh!”, but he loosens his hold on her wrist and interlaces his fingers with hers anyway. Not because he wants to, but there are more pressing matters.

“We have an audience.”

He redirects her attention to the nuisance watching them from the window.

Makoto’s banging his fist on the windowpane, and Saiki hears him crying out through the wall, his angry thoughts already reaching his ears. He can tell it’s taking all of Makoto’s self-control to not burst through the door and take Teruhashi away from him, and he guesses it’s partially her doing, like she put him on a leash or something.

Stay down, boy.

Teruhashi glares in the direction of the window, though Makoto definitely doesn’t see it as a glare, way too excited about his sister looking in his direction.

She clicks her tongue, turning back to Saiki.

“You read the manual, right?” she whispers, almost conspiratorial.

Right.

The manual.

Teruhashi really goes to the extremes with everything she does.

She scripted out their entire dinner, complete with conversational flow-charts and an FAQ section. Or, that’s what she told him when she tried passing it to him in class earlier, but she was cut off by the sudden crowd of people swarming around her desk for their morning “oh!”’s. Saiki managed to slip it into his desk, but with the extra attention on him, who knows who could’ve seen?

For safety purposes, he burned it before anyone could find it in his desk.

Unfortunately, that also means Saiki never got the chance to read it.

Well, it’s something Teruhashi doesn’t need to know about. He can just use his telepathy to get information from her, anyway.

He nods stiffly.

“Makoto, what are you doing?” An unfamiliar voice comes through the door. “Aren’t you going to let our guest in?”

Teruhashi stumbles into place next to him, gripping his hand tightly.

The door opens, and Saiki blinks to adjust to the added brightness. Someone in the likeness of Makoto, though older with darker hair, stands in the doorway. It must be Teruhashi’s father.

“Kokomi-chan, there you are,” her mother, Saiki assumes, says, poking her head through the doorway. Even with the short timespan before his X-ray vision triggers, he can tell that they’re undoubtedly a beautiful family.

“Mom, dad. This is Saiki-kun,” Teruhashi says, and almost a little too giddy, “my boyfriend.”

I said it! I really said it!

Her mother purses her lips, gives him a quick once-over. Saiki narrows his eyes.

Well, he might as well be civil for now before he puts his plan into action. Saiki bows, letting Teruhashi handle all the conversation.

“It’s nice to meet you, Saiki-san,” her mother says, finally, a bright smile on her face. “It’s cold outside, you two. Come on in.”

He glances at Teruhashi, watching her talk animatedly to her parents before they’re ushered inside.

With how excited she is, there’s no telling that Teruhashi actually plans on ending this fake relationship once her parents leave Japan. That’s right, the true reason Saiki’s here is to make sure that at all costs, they break up tonight.

—

The Teruhashi residence is as classy as he remembers. It’s not on the Saiko Conglomerate level of rich, but nice enough to wonder if a place like this truly belongs in Hidariwakibara-cho. He’s been here twice, once by himself and another time with the rest of their group, so it’s nothing shocking, but after she’s been hanging around him and the others for years at this point, it’s easy to forget how influential she really is.

The one difference is the new memorabilia and keepsakes posted around the living room, evidence of her parents’ travels.

“Impressed, four-eyes?” Makoto asks, slinging an arm around his shoulder and ruffling his hair as if getting payback for Teruhashi fixing it for him.

Saiki sends the most unimpressed look in his direction.

“He’s been here before,” Teruhashi says instead, pulling Saiki away from her brother and toward the dining room. If he were also a child, this would be the part where he sticks his tongue out at Makoto when no one else is looking. He’s only tempted for a second.

When they reach the dinner table, Teruhashi offers the chair next to her. With his X-ray vision, he sees the whoopee cushion resting on the seat, hidden beneath the table covers.

He turns his attention toward Makoto, whose thoughts are overwhelmingly cartoony. I bet he won’t see this coming. How dare he think he can just go and steal Kokomi away like that without me doing anything about it?

How original. Which of his TV sitcoms did he get this idea from?

Of course, Saiki saw this coming.

In fact, it’s only the start of Makoto’s Wild Ride, having already heard all of his plans the moment he teleported near Teruhashi’s house.

He waits for Makoto to sit down first, fingers twitching at his side as he carefully moves the whoopee cushion from one seat to another. The flush of embarrassment on Makoto’s face when the room fills with a loud, exaggerated noise is worth it.

The rest of his family is just as unimpressed.

“Makoto! Where are your manners?”

“T-That wasn’t me! Look, it was this!” Makoto plucks the whoopee cushion from under him, waving it around. It’s a little pathetic, really. “Kokomi, don’t look at me like that!”

Teruhashi frowns. “Why is there a whoopee cushion there, anyway?”

Satisfied with the change in development, Saiki takes his seat.

“I hope you don’t mind Western food,” her mother announces when she returns from the kitchen, setting up an arrangement of dishes on the table, plentiful and fancy and not even an attempt as modest. Almost ridiculously so.

Which leads to Saiki’s next problem.

Too many utensils.

He squints at the assortment of knives and forks and spoons, wondering which one to pick up first. He tries for one of the forks.

Teruhashi is staring at his intensely, her thoughts guiding his choice, like a game of hot-or-cold.

So, it’s not the forks. His hand hovers over the spoons, then.

The right-most spoon! Yes! I’m glad he read my guide. I can’t believe he’s so dedicated to his role… hehe, maybe he was excited for tonight.

That was close. Saiki swirls the spoon around in his soup dish, taking note to pay closer attention to Teruhashi’s thoughts for the rest of the night if he wants to make it out in one piece. With how serious her family is taking dinner so far, all the way down to the candlelit three-course meal, he needs to play cautiously. He wants a break-up, not a jail sentence.

He knows that Makoto’s pranks are far from over when he picks up his cup, immediately reading Makoto’s mind. Apparently, Makoto went through the effort to drill a hole into his cup. A classic gag.

Saiki wants to roll his eyes. Seriously, doesn’t this guy know that he needs to be winning before he can boast about it?

He holds the cup in his hands, and theoretically, he can just use his restoration powers to set the cup’s lifespan back by one day. But, thinking about it carefully, the hole in the glass only deteriorates its value by less than 10%. And what are the chances that every single person at the table has the same cup from the same set?

Makoto sputters, water spilling all over his nice dress shirt.

“Your shirt!” Their mother fusses, handing him a towel to wipe himself off. “How clumsy of you. Go and get changed, Makoto.”

He grumbles a reply, scowling at Saiki before he stalks upstairs. Stupid, dumb, ugly four-eyes.

Maybe he should be more thoughtful about using his powers so blatantly, but he shrugs it off, knowing fully well that Makoto’s not sharp enough to put two and two together. Saiki’s just glad he doesn’t have to stare at his perverted face all night long.

He’s ready to dig back into his meal when he’s interrupted by her father. “So, how did you and Kokomi meet?”

Ah. The couple history questions. Of course, it makes sense for them to ask, only Saiki doesn’t know the ‘right’ answer. He glances at Teruhashi.

“Dad, I thought I told you this,” she jumps in. “We have class together, but we didn’t really start talking until we bumped into each other on my birthday.”

Teruhashi handles the talking from there on, having studied from her manual. Allegedly, he fell in love with her at first sight and continued courting her until she said yes, and they’ve been a secret couple at school since then.

Her parents nod along, but he can hear the hesitation in their thoughts. Saiki-san doesn’t seem like the romantic type. And it’s strange that he hasn’t said anything all night. Does he speak?

At around the halfway point of their convoluted backstory, Makoto comes back down, dressed in another top, and his presence only makes it more embarrassing to sit through. Saiki’s not so sure how much more of his “romantic conquests” he can stand to listen to.

It seems like Makoto shares the same feeling, because he clears his throat loudly, interrupting the flow of conversation.

“Can you pass the salt, four-ey—” Teruhashi shoots her brother a glare, and he gulps. “Saiki.”

Makoto stabs a fork through one of his potatoes, waving it around in the air to emphasize his point. He knows that Makoto plans to accidentally knock the saltshaker onto Saiki’s plate. Well, he can humor him for the save.

Saiki reaches over and hands the saltshaker over. Makoto takes it from him without so much as a “thank you”, sprinkling salt onto his potatoes while loosening the cap. When he sets it back down, he makes to hit it with his hand, a smirk on his face. With quick use of Saiki’s telekinesis, the saltshaker wobbles unsteadily, ultimately tipping toward Makoto’s plate instead.

It empties entirely onto his food.

His father doesn’t even look up from his plate before he says, “Makoto, please stop playing with your food.”

Makoto huffs, taking a sip from his cup, only to make another scene when half of the contents pour down the front of his body.

Now, that’s his fault for forgetting his own prank. That should stop him from messing around for the rest of the night.

The rest of the dinner goes by smoothly, and Saiki continues with the perfect boyfriend role, silently eating his food and nodding whenever Teruhashi prompts him to. It’s admirable, really, how much work she puts into her craft if she’s still playing along even at home.

“So, Saiki-san, you’re a third-year now, correct? What are you thinking of doing after high school?”

A direct question towards him.

Well, it can’t be helped. He should say something now, right? Maybe it’s time to put his own plan into action.

“Studying,” Saiki says, watching for a reaction.

This is the first thing he’s done to pique her mother’s interest. “Do you have any universities in mind?”

Maybe he’s some sort of genius?

Like a shining light, Saiki finds an opening in her mother’s thoughts, and he grabs onto it. He’ll be the plain, average, straight-to-the-point boyfriend they don’t want him to be.

“An ordinary college.”

“I… see…” she says, “How are your grades, anyway?”

“Average.”

Her dad clears his throat. “And… and what about after university?”

“Probably live with my parents.”

Oh, so that’s it. Living with his parents means he lives comfortably at home, right? “How is their income?”

“So-so.”

Hook, line, and sinker.

The disappointment on her parents’ faces is clear. Does he have any idea who he’s dating?

“Kokomi-chan,” her mother says, changing her target, though she gives Saiki a sidelong glance as if she wants to remind him of something. “You told us last time you were planning on going to World-Class University. How are your preparations for the entrance exam?”

“Oh, um…” Teruhashi looks at Saiki, pushing her food around on her plate. “I was actually thinking, maybe, um, Saiki’s choice university has some good literature programs.”

Seriously? Saiki remembers the time in their second year when they had to submit their career plans to their counselors and how she copied his list, but he didn’t realize she was actually considering it. Teruhashi’s level of commitment is on another level. He’s… kind of impressed.

Her mother blinks. “Is that so?”

They’re starting to crack now.

Saiki hides a satisfied smile behind his glass of water, listening to their thoughts dissolve into even worse impressions of him. Oh, well. Teruhashi is the perfect, pretty daughter, and someone like him doesn’t belong in her world. This is a good wake-up call for all of them.

“Well, if everyone’s finished eating, I’ll go and get dessert ready.” Her mother sends her father a look, tilting her head toward the kitchen rather conspicuously.

Supposedly getting the message, her father excuses himself from the table, and they leave to the kitchen, ready to discuss their thoughts about the night.

—

Taking refuge in the bathroom, Saiki leans against the closed door, arms crossed. Things aren’t going too well back there.

To clarify, he means going well for Teruhashi.

Things are going just as planned on his end. Now’s the best time to leave if any. Rather, the best-case scenario was to leave after dessert, but he’ll take what he can get. He just needs to take advantage of her parents’ bad opinion of him and leave quietly; it’ll be the final nail in the coffin for their relationship.

Sitting next to Teruhashi in class will be awkward from now on, but it’s for the best. She’s the one who asked him to be her fake date, after all.

Saiki considers his options. Maybe he can fake a stomach-ache? Or a family emergency? Anything will work.

Making up his mind, he reaches for the doorknob, only to stop when he hears his name mentioned in passing through the muddle of thoughts.

“—feel the same about Saiki-san—"

“—bring it up to Kokomi-chan—”

“—consider coming back with us—"

It seems like they made some sort of decision when he left to use the bathroom.

What’s happening downstairs? Either way, scraps of conversations aren’t going to help him from up here, so Saiki uses both his clairvoyance and telepathy to get the full scope of the situation.

Her parents must’ve finished their talk because Teruhashi is helping them clear the table, carrying dishes back and forth from the kitchen, probably in the transition to dessert.

“Kokomi-chan,” her mom says, glancing quickly at their dad for support, “I know you’re still in high school, but you should really think about your future. You’re almost graduating.”

“Huh?” Teruhashi pauses in the middle of setting down a stack of small plates onto the table, a confused look on her face.

“I think Makoto was right when he said you’ve been playing around too much,” her father speaks up from his seat. “I’m not sure I approve of what you’ve been up to while we were gone.”

Makoto perks up at the mention of his name, a triumphant grin on his face. “See! I told you.”

Teruhashi frowns. “I don’t understand what the problem is…”

“An ordinary college, Kokomi-chan? I know we let you stay at PK Academy, but that’s because you promised us you would try somewhere prestigious for university.”

“I-I mean, I haven’t decided yet…” she starts.

“Are the rest of your friends like this?” When Teruhashi doesn’t reply, her mother frowns. “I want you to be surrounded by people worth your time.”

He can understand her dilemma. It’s not like she can tell them she’s friends with a chuunibyou, an ex-delinquent, a love-struck girl, a poor glutton, and Nendou, though he figures Hairo gets a pass.

But, one by one, memories of their makeshift group of friends flutter through her mind. Snapshots of their trips to Okinawa, Oshimai, and even that god-awful shipwreck, after-school hangouts with Yumehara and Mera, small moments in the classroom during break. Teruhashi with a genuine smile on her face; one for herself, not like the ones she flashes at everyone else.

Her father takes this moment to add, “Not to mention that Saiki-san doesn’t seem very interested in you.”

Saiki winces when he hears them bring him up.

Well, getting involved in this conversation was inevitable. They’re not even trying to conceal the fact that this is about him. But even if that’s true, isn’t it going too far to say that in their daughter’s face?

“There’s no way that shitty four-eyes is good enough for Kokomi,” Makoto says.

“Brother!” Teruhashi warns, before turning back to her parents. “Mom, dad, what are you trying to say?”

Her mother sighs. “I don’t think staying in Japan is good for you, honey.”

“Why don’t you come with us back to Paris, Kokomi?”

The feeling of Saiki’s heart dropping is probably due to the change in pressure when he teleports to the bottom of the staircase, peering from behind the wall. Or maybe he really is getting a stomach-ache, an unsettling feeling stirring inside him.

“Wait, you can’t be serious, right?” Makoto says, laughing. It’s clear that his parents didn’t consider him in their decision, because he gets up from his seat and slams his hands down on the table, eyes darting nervously between his parents and his sister. “Don’t joke around like that, dad.”

Their dad frowns at him, and the smile on Makoto’s face drops.

“Huh?! You can’t take Kokomi away from me!” Then, backtracking, he continues, desperate, “I mean, she’s doing just fine here, isn’t she?”

Ignoring Makoto’s groveling, their father says, “Think about this carefully, Kokomi. Your mother and I are worried about you.”

Teruhashi falls silent. Maybe I should listen to them. A perfect, pretty girl wouldn’t go against her parents’ wishes.

Looks like he worried himself for nothing. Of course she wouldn’t just drop her act for something small like this.

Her thoughts are cautious and orderly, a perfect embodiment of her persona. Right?

“You can find new friends in Paris. Better ones, too.”

It’s a good thing she’s leaving then, Saiki reasons. She’ll naturally stop liking him if they’re in different countries, so it’s less work for him. Their “break up” is easier this way, too.

He thinks to himself, apologetically: Sorry, Teruhashi, but it seems even the universe doesn’t want them together this time.

“’Better’?” Teruhashi repeats, an unreadable expression on her face. “’Worth my time’? Why are you talking about my friends like they’re not good enough?”

“Kokomi-chan,” her mother tries, gently, “you know this better than anyone. There’s no way anyone in this town can match up to—”

“They’re my friends. They’re kind people, and I like hanging out with them, even if they’re not rich, or pretty, or perfect. And… and Saiki-kun has always been there for me.”

She turns to her parents, a piercing look in her eyes – fierce, stubborn, prideful, and undoubtedly Teruhashi. “So, I’d like it if you didn’t talk about him like that.”

There’s the girl he knows. The perfect, pretty girl mask is finally coming off.

Teruhashi is hands-down the most troublesome person Saiki’s ever met; the culmination of everything he never wants to be involved with all at once. But she’s also someone with a stubborn work ethic he highly respects, someone who lives to make others happy with a kind of selflessness he finds admirable, someone he can’t deny he deeply cares for. Someone he can’t imagine his future without.

Oh.

Huh.

Well, there’s definitely not enough time to unpack all of that.

Teruhashi’s shoulders are shaking, the usual glow around her body fizzing out. She’s trying to control herself.

Good grief. So much for leaving quietly.

“Kokomi—”

“Stop,” he says, firmly. “You’re making Teruhashi-san upset, deciding things all by yourself.”

Saiki’s presence cuts through the room like a knife, and he walks over to the dinner table with a frown on his face.

Teruhashi stares at him. “Saiki-kun…” Did he… hear all of that?

“We’re her parents,” her dad says, standing his ground, and Saiki thinks that stubbornness runs through the family. “And she’s still young, so we have the right—”

“She won’t be leaving Japan unless she wants to,” Saiki says. “And if you truly love your daughter, you should respect that.”

Saiki wraps Teruhashi in his jacket, anything to stop her from shivering like that, and takes her hand in his. He bows, but the look he sends her parents is anything but courteous.

“Thank you for dinner, but we’re going now.”

He tugs her gently out of her seat and towards the front door, helping her put her shoes on as she follows dazedly.

Before they leave, he hears their thoughts: Kokomi’s changed.

That’s the first time she stood up for herself.

Maybe he’s a respectable man for Kokomi, after all.

—

They’re still holding hands by the time they reach his house. It’s the only way Saiki knows that she’s still there with him, with him leading the way and her thoughts surprisingly quiet.

He stops in front of his gate and hesitates for a moment. Fragments of sentences form in his mind, nothing sure-fire and clear, and he searches desperately for the right words to say. Saiki doesn’t really know what to do in situations like these; if possible, he tries to avoid them.

But like with anything related to Teruhashi, there’s no getting out of this one.

Teruhashi speaks up first.

“Thank you, Saiki-kun,” she says, so softly that he almost misses it.

“I didn’t do anything,” he says. “That was all you.”

It’s true, Saiki thinks. He only played a minuscule part that required Teruhashi’s godlike powers to work. The phrase “together, we’re invincible” trickles in from his memory.

“And I’m sorry you had to see all that,” Teruhashi says. “My parents are – well, they’re good people, it’s just… they’ll come around.”

But that’s not what’s bothering him. He just needs to know one thing, and her thoughts aren’t helping him this time around.

“Are you okay?”

She blinks up at him, not having expected that.

“I’m—yeah. I’ll be okay,” she says, then pauses. “What I said earlier… it was true.”

Saiki’s a good judge of that – what’s true and what’s not. It’s a consequence of his telepathy, so he knows that her heart is genuine this time.

“I know,” Saiki says, and without missing a beat, he squeezes her hand. There are no excuses this time.

He’s always had trouble being vulnerable. Vulnerable means caring and letting loose and having people figure him out. Vulnerable means attachment. And getting attached to Teruhashi, of all people, means attention. It’s supposed to be the last thing he wants.

But Teruhashi’s sharing a part of herself with him, knowingly, on purpose, without any hidden intentions. If there’s anything he’s learned over the past few years, it’s that some things need to be said out loud. So, he does.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still here.”

This fake date is supposed to make her stop liking him. So what if he’s just adding fuel to the fire? When he sees the way her glow comes back, a soft smile on her face, he figures it’s a small price to pay.

Come on, Kokomi… this is the perfect time. Just say it.

Saiki freezes. Perfect time? For what?

His eyes dart around, and he compiles everything he remembers happening in the past half-hour.

Hold on.

This setting. The walk home from their failed fake-date, the mutual acts of vulnerability in front of his house, the way she’s shuffling her feet and turning red. Why does it all feel vaguely familiar?

Teruhashi steps forward.

Crap. He let his guard down.

Saiki steps back.

He’s falling into the plot of a B-movie, one of those cliché, low-budget, cheesy-enough-to-rival-his-parents type of romantic comedies buried at the bottom of the bargain bin he only watches because there’s nothing else he can get enjoyment from. If Teruhashi is the heroine in the situation, that makes him…

No. Make Nendou the hero.

Saiki imagines Nendou standing in his place.

Okay, no. That’s not a comforting image. Maybe not Nendou.

Kaidou, Kuboyasu, Hairo, Saiko, even Toritsuka!

But none of them feel right standing in his place, either.

Another old memory comes forward – “Well, either way, I can’t give her to any of you” – and he pushes it back down into the depths of his mind.

There’s only the two of them in the film’s shot, no one else around to take his spot. Even the once never-ending thoughts are lulled to a strange silence, like the audience is holding their breath in anticipation for what’s going to happen next. He hears nothing but Teruhashi’s thoughts, running fast and unpredictable. He checks his hand, looking for the germanium ring he knows isn’t there.

Saiki needs to stop this.

Next thing he knows, she’ll be saying, “I have something to tell you.”

“I have something to tell you.”

The plot is moving way too fast!

Teruhashi tugs on his hand, making him face her. “U-Um, there’s actually another reason I asked you to be my fake boyfriend.”

She takes another step forward. His feet stay rooted to the ground this time.

Saiki can’t move. He’s not sure he wants to move.

“Saiki-kun, I…”

Her phone rings. Unable to hide her annoyance, she rustles through her layers and pulls her phone out of her pocket. Teruhashi’s face sours when she sees the caller ID.

“It’s my brother.” She manages a smile, though he hears her curse in her head. “H-Hold on! Let me take this really quick.”

Saiki lets out a breath, visibly relieved when Teruhashi moves to a streetlight to answer the call. He just barely dodged that bullet. Someday, he’s going to have to thank Makoto for picking up on the sense of foreboding quickly enough. He already knows what the call is for, anyway.

While they were walking, he used his clairvoyance to check on the situation back at Teruhashi’s. Makoto did his best with the damage control, so there’s nothing to really worry about. It’s the bare minimum, really. After all, Saiki’s only 2% to blame for the situation. None of this would’ve happened if Makoto didn’t complain about him to their parents in the first place.

What would he have done if she really confessed to him?

Saiki watches as Teruhashi “uh-huh”’s and “mhmm”’s into her phone, leaning idly against the pole as she kicks her feet at the ground.

Her feelings are basically out of his hands. After a moment, he thinks, so are his.

It’s up to God, he supposes.

When Teruhashi finally hangs up, she walks back to the gate, her expression lighter than before. He gestures to her phone and raises an eyebrow.

“My parents want to talk to me some more,” Teruhashi says.

“Is that a good thing?”

“My brother said he was able to calm them down, so… hopefully…” She shakes her head, a determined look on her face. “No, I promise. I won’t leave Japan.”

He nods quietly. Of course not. Her parents are already in the process of coming around, and she’s Teruhashi Kokomi, loved by the gods. Things would’ve worked in her favor even if he didn’t step in.

“Besides, all my friends are here and...” Teruhashi pauses, clutching onto his jacket still wrapped around her shoulders, “there are still some things I need to do.”

Listening to her thoughts, Saiki smiles. “Good luck with that.”

“S-So, I’ll be leaving now!” she says, quickly, springing backward on her feet, her cheeks blistering red. “Thank you again, Saiki-kun. Good night!”

Her last thought echoes in his head. I can’t leave until I make Saiki-kun say “oh”!

“Not a chance.” Saiki smirks to himself, watching her disappear into the streets, shining brighter than any of the streetlights. It’s good she’s back to her usual self.

He already knows the outcome. She won’t be leaving anytime soon.

The number one law in this universe states that whatever Teruhashi Kokomi wants, she gets. So, he’ll play her game as long as she wants him to.

—

Saiki’s sitting on the couch, flipping through the week’s Shounen Cognac when it happens. He hears her coming before she even rings the doorbell.

“Kuu-chan,” his mother calls for him. “Your girlfriend is here!”

His what.

“I-It’s not like that,” Teruhashi explains from the front door, her voice flustered and nervous and just a bit cute. “But if Saiki-kun’s ready, our reservation for the sweets buffet is soon…”

“Ah! That’s right!” His mom claps her hands, beaming. “It’s the one-week anniversary of your first date!”

Through the mess of everything that happened that night, he forgot about one crucial detail. They never broke up.

Good grief.

Chapter Text

Teruhashi brings his jacket to school.

That’s the first mistake.

Kokomi, you can do this. Just go up to him, ask how he’s doing, and return his jacket. As a ‘thank you’, you can ask him out on another date. He won’t be able to say no!

“Good morning, Saiki-kun,” she says. Her hands are wrapped tightly around her bookbag, clutching it close to her chest like it contains all her secrets and more. And, using his X-ray vision, he can confirm that it’s much worse than Pandora’s Box.

Saiki nods at her greeting, places his bookbag into his locker, and prays to the heavens that she does not hand it to him right here.

But God doesn’t listen to him, like always, because Teruhashi pulls the jacket out of her bag with a flourish and presents it to him.

His eyes almost bug out. For someone so concerned about others finding out about her crush, she sure has the worst possible timing. What is Teruhashi thinking, returning his jacket to him in public?

Ah…! What am I thinking?! What if someone sees us? Hurry and take it, Saiki-kun!

So she isn’t thinking. Great.

His jacket is folded neatly and freshly washed, he presumes, because it smells like her – and that’s a thought way too dangerous for 8:15 in the morning, so he pushes it to the back of his head and focuses on what to do next.

Saiki takes it, quickly shoving it into the small space left in his locker. Before she can say anything else, he says a small, “Thanks.”

Teruhashi reaches out a hand after him, mouth open in protest, but he’s already maneuvering back to his seat. He can only hope he cut the interaction short enough that no one noticed.

“Kokomi!” Yumehara calls from the doorway, waving her over. “Bathroom?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah…” Teruhashi says, sending one last look his way. I missed my chance.

She withdraws her hand and lets her fingers curl around the strap of her bookbag before she stores it away in her locker and follows Yumehara out of the classroom. She’s disappointed, of course, but Saiki figures she’ll get over it once homeroom starts.

His timing, on the other hand, is impeccable. That, and Yumehara’s thoughts are easy to pick out from the crowd, usually some harebrained scheme about getting Kaidou to notice her. A close call, but it’s nothing Saiki can’t handle, and he smirks to himself.

What he doesn’t account for is Nendou opening his big, dumb mouth.

“Oh?” Nendou says, rubbing his nose with his finger. “Why does Teruhashi-san have your jacket?”

Saiki curses Nendou’s scary perception in his head. For all the things this idiot could’ve latched onto, it had to be this.

“Don’t be an idiot, Nendou,” Kaidou says, clapping a hand onto Saiki’s shoulder from the seat behind him. “It’s probably just because Saiki left it with her.”

So he saw, too.

“Shun’s right,” Kuboyasu pipes up, sliding his seat over to Kaidou’s desk. He sits on it backward, arms resting on the back of his chair as Kaidou shows him the homework he forgot to do last night. “Teruhashi-san’s probably just returning it.”

Everyone saw.

There’s a pause.

It’s almost comically drawn out, except for the fact that Saiki sees no fun in it. He sighs, already listening to their thought processes morph into the worst-case scenario.

“Oh? So Partner left his jacket with Teruhashi-san?”

“Wait… what does that mean?”

“Saiki?!”

“I left it at school,” Saiki says, clearly and concisely to not cause any doubt.

It’s true that Teruhashi had class cleaning duties yesterday, so in theory, it’s a pretty good excuse. Only if you disregard the fact that Teruhashi doesn’t actually do her cleaning duties. Every week she’s assigned, someone in class plays ‘white knight’ and takes over for her, and she gets to merrily skip off to whatever her afternoon plans are.

Lucky for him, his friends are idiots.

“Oh,” Kaidou says, sinking back into his seat, though he glances back and forth between Teruhashi and Saiki’s desks like he’s still trying to convince himself. “Makes sense.”

Kaidou needs to stop making hasty assumptions.

Teruhashi returns to her seat just before the bell rings. She clears her throat in an attempt to catch his attention, to which Saiki barely acknowledges with another nod.

Sitting next to Teruhashi means that Saiki knows more about her than he needs to. For one, she’s far more attentive in class than she lets on, wanting to preserve the image of a beauty with natural brains. Today, though, she’s sneaking glances at him and sighing into the palm of her hand, half-heartedly copying notes. Her thoughts flow directly into his head without warning.

I thought things were going well. Was I reading things wrong? No, that’s not possible. I’m never wrong. But…

Normally, he wouldn’t care.

But now?

Right now, Saiki is trying very hard not to snap his pencil in half.

For some reason, a wave of dizziness passes through his body, fatigue sinking into his muscles, and a tightness in his chest that feels like someone just took his limiter out. It’s making it hard to control his strength.

“Saiki-kun?” Teruhashi whispers. “Are you okay?”

Saiki’s head snaps up at her voice, and he follows her concerned gaze down to his desk. It’s only then that he notices his fingers are shaking. A bead of sweat runs down his face.

“Yeah,” he says, puts his pencil down, and waits for the fluttery feeling in his stomach to pass.

—

And, really, the next mistake is his. In hindsight, he should’ve known better.

Saiki stares at the bulletin board, the latest issue of the school’s newspaper printed out and posted for everyone to see.

“Teruhashi Kokomi Caught on a Date with Classmate Mr. S.K?”

“Two weeks ago, on Saturday night at 7:00 pm, Teruhashi Kokomi and classmate S.K. were spotted outside the Teruhashi residence on an alleged date. There, he was introduced to her parents and let inside the house. He was likely asking for their approval to continue seeing their daughter. Approximately 2 hours later, both Teruhashi and Mr. S.K. were seen leaving the area affectionately holding hands. Photos captured of that moment show Teruhashi wearing his jacket from earlier in the night. What happened inside…?”

“Classmate Mr. T Speaks Up About Their Relationship”

For convenience, Saiki skips reading this section.

“Kokomin Spills Insider Details – They’ve Been Dating for Years Now!?”

And there it is, a poorly censored photo of someone he thought he would never see again. He’s dressed in a Kokomin happi, but the baseball cap and distinctive shadowy eyes are enough for Saiki to identify him. A member of the Press Club that should’ve long since graduated.

Through some snooping around with the use of his powers, Saiki’s able to deduce what happened so far. Apparently, both members of the club were held back for multiple reasons. The cameraman due to failing marks, and the president due to her obsession with Teruhashi and not wanting to let her have the last win. It seems she finally found her opening for revenge in the Kokomins.

Well, it can’t be helped now. When they started this school year, Saiki didn’t have his powers, and the last thing on his mind was the Press Club. Finding out this late in the game means that the situation is already far beyond his control.

It doesn’t take long for the thoughts to come pouring in, mixed with not-so-hushed whispers.

“Hey, that’s Saiki, right?”

Is it true? They’re dating?

“No wonder he took her to the nurse’s office last year – only a boyfriend could do that!”

We’re only allowed to talk to Teruhashi-san about the weather…

“Don’t they sit next to each other in class? He probably bribed the teacher to get that seat. It kinda makes me angry.”

I’m so jealous! What does Saiki have that I don’t?

“Did you hear? Someone told me they have a secret kid!”

Good grief. Even the Nanana can’t fix this.

Saiki weighs the different outcomes left in his head. It’s only a matter of time before the mob characters turn around and notice him standing there. Considering how far they would go for Teruhashi, it’s likely they’ll start purging him as soon as they see him, and he can’t do much to protect himself against a large crowd in a public space like this. There’s no telling anyone will believe him if he denies it, anyway.

Which leaves only one option. It’s time to make a run for it.

“Hm? What’s everyone talking about?”

Saiki freezes in his spot.

Teruhashi passes through on her usual stroll through the hallway, one of her methods of collecting “oh’s” to reach the day’s quota, unsuspecting of the mess she’s walking into. Everyone scrambles up to her in a frenzied panic.

“O-Oh! Teruhashi-san! Is it true?”

“You’re dating Saiki?!”

This catches her off-guard, but her slip is barely noticeable, if at all, and she recovers quickly from the initial shock. “W-What? Me? Where did you get that idea from…?”

“PK News!” Someone shows her a printed copy of the newspaper article, and Teruhashi stops to gape at the tabloid. She grasps the paper tightly in her hands, her innocent act fading by the second.

What is this?! Someone followed us that night? T-They think…!

“There’s no way it’s true,” another person in the crowd argues. “Someone as beautiful as Teruhashi-san would never date someone like Saiki…”

“That isn’t—” Teruhashi starts, as if on instinct, before she catches herself, biting down on her tongue to stop herself from continuing that thought. “I mean, Saiki-kun and I…”

But… Saiki-kun and I dating… it’s nice, isn’t it?

“We’re… um…”

Wait, what am I saying?! I should just say no! A perfect, pretty girl wouldn’t—

She catches sight of him, still lingering behind the crowd.

S-Saiki-kun’s here?! For how long? And they’re just saying it in front of him like that?! Did he hear everything? Did he notice me hesitate?!

“Saiki-kun!” Teruhashi calls out, pushing through the crowd without a second thought. “Wait up!”

Time continues for him at this moment. His heartbeat quickens, and the same squeezing sensation holds him hostage, stirring the contents of his stomach. It’s getting hard to breathe. Unpleasant can’t begin to describe it.

Saiki rounds the corner and turns invisible, leaving the crowd and a confused Teruhashi in his wake.

“So it’s true?!”

“Teruhashi-san and Saiki are really dating?!”

“Huh… where did the newspapers go?”

“They disappeared…!”

—

Saiki walks into a classroom of paper cranes.

50,000, to be exact, and he only knows that because Hairo pops out of the pile in a shoddy attempt to surprise him. He’s perspiring, probably from having just finished his fifteenth set of sit-ups from beneath the mountain of paper cranes while waiting for Saiki to come to class.

“Congratulations, Saiki-kun!” he says, his booming voice gathering the attention of the entire classroom. “Are you surprised?”

Not waiting for a response, Hairo picks up two of the paper cranes in his hands. “You see, these cranes are a symbol of love. Each has its own pair, which makes them a perfect representation of our new class couple! I’ve been folding them all week in preparation for this.”

Saiki stares at him. “The article came out this morning.”

Hairo’s smile doesn’t falter. His sweating, however, increases noticeably. “So?”

“Eh?! These are paper cranes?” Mera says through a mouthful of cranes, already working through one of the mounds in the corner of the classroom.

“Mera-san, that’s dangerous! You shouldn’t eat that!”

“I thought they were real…”

Does that make it any better?

Either way, Saiki uses this opportunity to slip away to his seat, and he’s about halfway through wading through the walkway of paper cranes when someone calls after him.

“Hey, glasses peasant. Over here.”

It’s no one important, so Saiki ignores him.

Saiko continues talking anyway, much to his displeasure. What a pain.

The paper cranes surrounding Saiko’s desk aren’t the same red ones that Hairo put his blood, sweat, and tears into, but instead poorly folded 10,000-yen notes. Apparently, he doesn’t believe in paper that isn’t money, so he gave Takahashi and his crew the job of replacing the tacky paper cranes with something more luxurious.

“So, you and Kokomi are dating, huh?”

Not really, but Saiki doesn’t feel like dignifying his question with a response, so he keeps quiet.

“Of course, a peasant like you doesn’t know how to take care of a lady like Kokomi. Someone with money, like myself, would do a much better job. I’m sure it’ll take only a few days until you screw things up. But, if you insist, I am willing to help… for a price.”

No one insisted.

“I’ve already done you the favor and shipped one million yen’s worth of dating advice books to your house.”

So he doesn’t know how romance works, either.

“In return, I want to be the first to know when it doesn’t work out. Got that, glasses peasant?”

It never started.

Saiki finally makes it to his seat, but unfortunately for him, quiet doesn’t find him there.

“We knew something was up!”

The usual trio surrounds him. Their teacher didn’t really think their seating arrangements through that much, did they?

“Saiki, you didn’t have to hide it from us,” Kaidou says, a frown on his face as he scratches at his cheek with his finger. “Though, I guess it is hard dating the goddess of the school…”

“Hey, the cat’s out of the bag now, isn’t it?” Kuboyasu says, and then punches Saiki in the arm, a devilish grin on his face. “Nice going, Saiki.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we noticed first. Nothing would’ve slipped past your best friends.”

“Oh? Noticed what?” Nendou chooses this moment to join the conversation, previously distracted from helping Hairo pull a feral Mera away from her hoard of paper cranes.

“That Saiki and Teruhashi-san are dating, idiot!”

“What?” He laughs like it’s the funniest joke he’s heard all day. “Partner’s dating Teruhashi-san?”

“You’re the first one who noticed—ugh, nevermind.” Kaidou saves himself the hassle of responding to Nendou, refocusing his attention on Saiki instead. “Listen, Saiki. Next time something like this happens, you can just tell us!”

“Yeah! What Shun said. We’ll keep your secrets, for sure.”

Well, now’s a better time than ever to tell them the truth, then. “Teruhashi-san and I—"

“O-Oh! Teruhashi-san!” the chorus rings as Teruhashi enters the classroom. Some of the more dedicated classmates clear a path through the paper cranes for Teruhashi to walk through. She beelines toward her seat, clearly in pursuit of a certain someone.

“Good morning, everyone,” Teruhashi greets, purposefully ignoring Hairo’s shouts about paper cranes in the background, “Do you know where Saiki-kun is?”

“He’s right—” Nendou starts, twisting his head a full 180 degrees to look behind him. “Huh? Where’d Partner go?”

Saiki only leaves because he starts feeling lightheaded again, the drumming of his heart in his ears too loud to be anything good. And because accidentally lighting a fire in a room full of 50,000 paper cranes will only lead to trouble. He’s not running away because he’s nervous or anything stupid like that. Really.

The class isn’t that good at fire drills, anyway.

—

“I was the one who asked him to be my pretend boyfriend,” Teruhashi says to herself, pacing the empty hallway. “And I should’ve realized that people were tailing us that night.”

Saiki’s successfully managed to ward Teruhashi off the past few days, showing up only when class starts and disappearing as soon as it ends, with some scuffles here and there due to her godlike powers. It’s a double-edged sword: on one hand, if they put their powers together, the whole “everyone thinks they’re dating” business could be finished as soon as it started. On the other hand, them meeting up would only fuel the rumors and lead to disastrous consequences they wouldn’t be able to wrangle their way out of.

Which is exactly why Saiki is hiding behind the corner, wanting to avoid crossing paths with her as soon as he heard her thoughts coming his way.

“This is all my fault. And Saiki-kun’s not saying anything, so that leaves it up to me to fix things.”

Talking to my fan club, though? This is way too much for me! I’m not even supposed to be aware that I have a fan club. That’s what makes me the perfect, pretty girl.

Teruhashi stares at the door and frowns.

But I need to take responsibility. It’s the right thing to do. Right?

She takes a deep breath and then slaps herself lightly on the cheeks, twice.

“Ah, I don’t know anymore,” Teruhashi says, and knocks on the door.

Sawakita, the current president of the Teruhashi Fan Club, opens the door and freezes. “O-Oh! Teruhashi-san!”

“Hi, Sawakita-kun,” she says, sweetly, wearing one of her signature smiles. “I was hoping I could talk to you.”

This is the first time Teruhashi-san acknowledged our fan club!

“P-Please give us a second, Teruhashi-san,” Sawakita says, his voice shaky, slipping an octave higher than usual as he bows deeply. Then, he slams the door shut.

Saiki hears the muffled announcement – “Teruhashi-san is here!” – through the wall, and then the loud rumble of things crashing and breaking, cats meowing, and panicked screams that would usually warrant a 119 call.

After a while, a frazzled Sawakita pokes his head through the door, his headband slipping off his head and his happi wrapped haphazardly over his shoulders.

“Ahem,” he says, wiping sweat from his brow as he invites Teruhashi into the room. “The Kokomins welcome you!”

Good for Teruhashi to act on her own. And though Saiki trusts her enough to let her handle the rest, he can’t help but be a little curious about what’s happening behind closed doors. Might as well see where this goes, Saiki figures, and he uses his X-ray vision to see inside.

The resulting image is astonishing.

Every creepy monument and portrait of Teruhashi is hidden out of sight, and the cold, stalkerish atmosphere that the clubroom exuded the last time Saiki was here is replaced with warm, yellow lights and pink, frilly décor. Most of the tables are pushed aside, save for a single table at the center of the room, adorned with a lace tablecloth, complete with a throne chair and plush pillow. On top of the table are a tea set and samples of castella cake, freshly prepared for Teruhashi’s picking. It’s almost like the Kokomins have been preparing for Teruhashi’s eventual visit their entire lives.

The rest of the fan club council stands at attention at the back of the room, lined up neatly against the wall.

“So, what did you want to speak with us about, Teruhashi-san?” Sawakita asks as he gestures for Teruhashi to take a seat.

“I wanted to clear things up about the rumors,” she says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and turning on the charm. “You know, the newspaper article from this morning?”

Sawakita immediately holds up his hand. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to explain it to us.”

It’s that easy? Well, was there ever any doubt? Life is in easy mode for me.

“Really?” Teruhashi says, sighing in relief. Then, she gets up from her seat, flattening her skirt with her hands. “I’m glad we’re on the same page. Well, then…”

She motions to the door to signal her exit, not wanting to spend a moment longer in the clubroom, when Sawakita speaks up.

“We know Saiki’s the father of your child.”

Teruhashi blinks. “What?”

“Council members, please state article 1 of the Kokomins law!”

“‘To protect Teruhashi-san’s happiness at the cost of our lives’!” the line of members at the back of the room chime in unison.

“See? The Kokomins just want you to be happy, so we won’t interfere with your relationship.”

The Kokomins begin to tear up, several members even banging their fists on the wall in their grief. This isn’t a funeral service.

Sawakita salutes her. “You have our blessings, Teruhashi-san. We will support you no matter what!”

“Uh-huh… thank… you?” Teruhashi says, slowly, sounding out the words as she furrows her eyebrows. She somehow finds the energy to leave the room in a daze, her thoughts elsewhere. A child with Saiki-kun?

In her disorientation, she doesn’t even notice Saiki when she passes him by, still swaying on her feet. His back is pressed against the wall, the familiar constricting feeling keeping him paralyzed in his position. He swallows. This is getting more out of hand than he thought.

Inside, the life-sized clay sculpture of Teruhashi, hidden beneath a tarp in the corner of the clubroom, spontaneously crumbles to pieces.

—

The Occult Club holds its meetings every day after school. It’s usually none of his business.

But, right now, a few thoughts run through Saiki’s mind: Why does this club still exist? Why doesn’t the school see that the Occult Club is hanging on by a single thread? And why, of all people, is Saiki getting forcibly dragged there?

“You’re the president,” Yumehara reminds him as if reading his thoughts. “Arisu-chan and Kaidou-kun are already there!”

One day, he’s going to kill Toritsuka.

“Saiki-saaaan!”

The opportunity arrived faster than he thought.

“Is it true?!” Toritsuka shakes his shoulders. “You’re dating Teruhashi-san?!”

Not waiting for an answer, he falls to his knees in the middle of the hallway, wailing dramatically. “I can’t believe I lost to you! I was a Kokomin for much longer, dammit!”

“You never had a chance,” Saiki says flatly, projecting his words only into Toritsuka’s mind.

See, that’s the thing! None of us were supposed to have a chance! It was a team effort, Saiki-san!

“You’re super late, Toritsuka-kun,” Yumehara interrupts their telepathic conversation, sending a glare his way. “That news came out, like, days ago. Where have you been this whole time?”

With one look at Toritsuka bashfully sticking out his tongue in response, Saiki immediately understands. So he got suspended for bringing his erotic magazines to school again. Typical.

“Kusuo!”

Aiura pops out of the clubroom, a bright smile on her face as she clings to Saiki’s arm.

“What’s she doing here?” Toritsuka says, gesturing at Aiura as if she were some wild animal. “This is a sacred place!”

“I invited her, germ,” Yumehara deadpans.

“Toritsuka-senpai, you don’t even come to your own club.” Arisu pokes her head through the doorway. Her hair is pinned back, so she must be in Yumehara mode.

“Chiyopipi said Kusuo was the prez,” Aiura says, and then juts a finger in Toritsuka’s general direction. “And it’s not fair this pervert gets to be in a club with you and I don’t.”

“Hey, you heard too, right?” Toritsuka says, mockingly, with the false confidence that he’s capable of actually winning anything in his life, much less a fight against Aiura. “Teruhashi-san is Saiki-san’s girl now. How’s it feel to have your role demoted?”

Aiura lets go of Saiki’s arm to put her hands on her hips, leaning into Toritsuka’s face. “Is Kusuo really dating Terukoko, though? Something’s not adding up.”

Hey, Kusuo. Tell me, is it true?

“What are you talking about, Mikochin? Of course they’re dating!” Yumehara says, though she hums to herself in thought, putting a finger to her chin. “But now that you mention it… even Kokomi’s really quiet about it. I guess they’re just really shy about their newfound romance, hehe.”

Why are they talking about him like he’s not right in front of them? Well, whatever.

Saiki doesn’t have the energy to respond, especially since they’re making such a big deal out of an unfounded rumor, so he pushes into the clubroom instead. He sits next to Kaidou, who’s only mildly interested in the fight sparking outside their clubroom.

So this is what the Occult Club really is. Saiki sighs. He should really pass on the presidency to Arisu sooner than later.

Soon after, the rest of the members pile into the room, taking their seats at the table. Aiura’s still trying to pass messages to him telepathically while she bickers with Toritsuka, and she raises an eyebrow at him. Kusuo, come oooon.

He ignores her.

Fine. If you aren’t gonna tell me, I’ll do things my way.

Aiura pulls out her bejeweled crystal ball from out of nowhere, spinning it on her finger like a basketball. There’s a wicked smile on her face when she says, “Let’s read Kusuo’s romance fortune, then.”

Saiki narrows his eyes. “Don’t.”

R-Romance fortune?! Yumehara jumps up in her seat, taking Aiura’s hands in hers. Her eyes are sparkling. “Yes! Please read it, Mikochin!”

This is the perfect opportunity! If Mikochin reads his fortune, I can tell Kokomi all the good news! Ah, I’m so happy for them.

“I-Is this really occult related…?” Kaidou pipes up, glancing nervously between Aiura and Saiki.

Good, at least Kaidou knows this is ridiculous.

“Saiki-san’s fortune? Seems occult-ish enough to me. Hey, read mine next. I wanna know what hot girl I get married to.”

Read the room, Toritsuka.

“Nah, not interested,” Aiura snarks right back.

Arisu pulls the pins from her hair, an eerie look on her face as her tangled bangs cover her eyes. “If you want to make it occult-themed, we can all take a blood oath…”

“If that’s what it takes,” Yumehara says, matching Arisu’s aura.

“Y-Yumehara-san…” Kaidou visibly starts shaking in his seat.

“Hell yeah, majority rules!” Wearing a smug look on her face, Aiura places the crystal ball on its cushion and begins to scry for Saiki’s future romantic endeavors.

After a series of rituals, which comprised of twisting her body in several different positions, playing a few frames of tenpin bowling using some marbles and erasers, and plucking one of Toritsuka’s hairs and setting it on fire for the fun of it, Aiura settles back into her seat and looks into her crystal ball.

And then her face falls.

No freaking way. Is this, like, for realsies?

Saiki’s breath catches in his throat.

How’s this even possible? I didn’t see anything the last time I checked!

A part of him wants to ask her what she means by ‘the last time’ she checked because he doesn’t recall ever giving her permission to scry his future. But the other part of him is shell-shocked, numbly replaying what Aiura saw in her crystal ball in his head, and he stays trapped in his seat with a shaky breath.

“So?” Yumehara probes. “Mikochin, what does it say?”

Just a quick look at Yumehara’s thoughts makes Saiki feel even more restless. There’s no need to rush and plan their wedding.

“Yeah, what’s happening in Saiki-senpai’s future?” Arisu’s bangs are pinned back up, her eyes shining in anticipation.

Kaidou tries his best to look disinterested, but Saiki can see him peering over at Aiura’s crystal ball, curious about the contents.

Shit. Think fast, Miko.

“Um,” Aiura says, covering her crystal ball with her hands. “Absolutely nothing. Wow, Kusuo has nothing going on in his future, like, how boring right?”

Man, I can’t believe I lost! Terukoko’s just too good.

And that’s his cue to leave. Saiki clears his throat and pushes his chair back. His legs feel heavy, but he wills himself to keep moving, walking towards the door without so much as an excuse.

“Saiki-kun, where are you—eep!”

The lights flicker on and off for a few seconds, and the table starts to shake unsteadily from beneath the rest of the members. Aiura’s crystal ball escapes from her grasp, floating unevenly in the air.

It’s a familiar situation for two of the members, and Yumehara and Arisu cling to each other desperately. “S-Sayaka-chan?!”

“Senpai, I thought you exorcised her!”

“I-I did! Maybe I performed the ritual wrong b-but…”

“W-Who’s Sayaka?!” Kaidou squeaks out, already taking shelter under the table, though it continues to shake. “A g-g-ghost?!”

“A ghost?” Toritsuka scrambles to his feet, looking for the ghost responsible for chaos before realizing that ghosts can’t actually manipulate physical objects. Hey, wait! Saiki-san, did you do this?!

Kusuo! What the hell! Aiura growls, though she hops onto her chair to try and grab her crystal ball anyway, but it floats close to the ceiling, too far for her fingers to reach.

“Have fun cleaning up after me,” Saiki projects into their minds, and takes his leave.

Everything stills. The room falls into a long silence. Aiura’s crystal ball loses its momentum in the air, crashing onto the table in one piece. It rolls off, falling with a hard thud directly onto Toritsuka’s foot.

The Occult Club spends the rest of their meeting at the nurse’s office.

—

Akechi catches him on his way to the bathroom the next day.

“Ah! Kusuo-kun! I’ve been meaning to chat with you.”

And without his prompting, he begins to trail after Saiki.

“I heard the news! The announcement came out of left field, but not shocking enough that I would need to pee my pants. As a matter of fact, the phrase ‘it was about time’ comes to mind, though I hadn’t bet on it happening so soon. Surely, Teruhashi-san’s feelings were quite obvious from the start, even to the most unsuspecting person, but I was under the belief that yours were only in the beginning stages of development—”

Akechi gulps, staring at the broken window that cut him off mid-sentence.

Saiki sighs, pausing momentarily to touch the window frame and reset the building back to yesterday’s form. The broken shards meld back into place.

“Get to the point.”

“How rude of me! Where are my manners? What I wanted to say was, well, I guess a ‘congratulations’ is in order.” And then in a teasing lilt of his voice, Akechi says, “Perhaps I should buy you some celebratory cake?”

Saiki keeps walking.

—

Once he manages to shake off his friends’ plans for lunch, Saiki ends up right where they started: the rooftop.

It’s the safest place for him to stay at the moment, considering he has no clear idea about why his powers have been going haywire the past week. Clear, being the keyword. He has a working theory.

Saiki tends to lose control of his powers under certain circumstances, usually whenever his left limiter is removed or broken. But there are other times…

Like when he’s under extreme emotional distress.

This… may be one of those times.

So, the easy enough solution is to control his emotions. Right. Saiki can do that.

And this is the best time to test his theory because in three, two, one—

“Oh, S-Saiki-kun! I didn’t know you were here.”

Yes, I finally got Saiki-kun alone! Thank you, God!

Saiki comes face-to-face with the hypothesized source of his problem. Of course, he knows that Teruhashi has been pacing behind the door to the rooftop for the past couple of minutes. He knows that she only knows he’s here because she looked just about everywhere else.

He also knows that in the time it took Teruhashi to hype herself up, he could’ve turned invisible, or teleported away, or performed a complicated parkour move off the railing.

Simply put, he let her find him. Final boss, huh?

“Can I join you?” Teruhashi asks, feigning innocence. And then she quickly looks behind her and waves her hands at him. “No one followed, promise.”

I was extra careful to make sure no one trailed me up here. It’s a simple job for a perfect, pretty girl.

At his silence, Teruhashi closes the door behind her, padding over to his position by the railing. She sinks down next to him and pulls her lunchbox close, rummaging through it until she finds what she’s looking for.

“Peace offering?” she says, waving around a single package of coffee jelly.

“…For what?” Saiki moves to take it anyway, and when their fingers touch briefly, he jerks his hand backward, fumbling with the coffee jelly in his hands. He busies himself by peeling open the lid and unwrapping the prepackaged spoon and creamer, tries to ignore the thudding of his heart in his ears.

“I’m sorry,” Teruhashi says, quietly, looking down at her bento box. “I didn’t expect this fake-dating thing to go this far.”

Whatever happened to ‘just one night’?

“It’s not your fault,” he finds himself saying, already sinking into his first bite of coffee jelly. It’s a good distraction. “If you want to blame anyone, blame the Press Club.”

“Or my brother.” Teruhashi wrinkles her nose.

“Or your brother.”

She smiles at him, and continues, hesitantly bringing up the subject, “It’s weird, isn’t it? I didn’t expect so many people to be so… supportive.”

“It’s because it’s you, Teruhashi-san,” Saiki wants to say. And it’s true. Teruhashi can do anything she wants, and people will still risk their lives to stand by her side. Her powers are impressive.

But the soft smile on her face is a little too genuine for comfort, and his heightened awareness of all things Teruhashi makes him turn away instinctively. His throat is suddenly dry, and he goes for another bite of his coffee jelly instead.

Teruhashi frowns, picking at her food with her chopsticks.

He’s so confusing. One minute, he’s reassuring me, and the next, he’s ignoring me. Stupid Saiki-kun! Do you really hate the idea of dating me that much? Jeez, what’s your problem?

The problem is…

The problem is he doesn’t mind it.

And Saiki’s known this for a while now. Last week’s sweets buffet outing could’ve been a hit or a miss.

True to Teruhashi’s high standards, it was a hit.

She’d gone and reserved an entire sweets buffet for only the two of them, at a recommendation from her brother she definitely used for her own good. All things considered, their time at the sweets buffet wasn’t terrible. Once he stopped being so afraid of her, it turned out they actually get along pretty well.

His problem with her had always been the attention.

And Teruhashi was surprisingly willing to look past that to spend time with him.

It was… nice. Figuratively speaking.

While he’s busy thinking, Teruhashi falls uncharacteristically quiet. If she were paying attention, she’d probably call it a ‘break in character’.

And that’s the thing Saiki doesn’t understand about romance – why it makes you act in ways you wouldn’t before, feel things you didn’t feel before, want things you never needed before. But there are a couple of times he thinks he might get it.

Because the thought of Teruhashi leaving Japan made his stomach tie in knots.

Because the thought of Teruhashi staying filled him with relief.

Because Teruhashi, the one sitting next to him right now, and the steady rhythm of her breathing as her eyes flutter close for long moments at a time, makes him want to see her like this forever.

Saiki suppresses a sigh when he hears her thoughts.

Her brother mentioned that she’s good at cooking, which explains her over-the-top bento. So, she didn’t sleep last night, made her lunch at the crack of dawn, and went out of her way to grab a high-priced coffee jelly from an expensive café before school started. What a hassle.

It only makes sense that Teruhashi’s head falls forward, eyes closed shut as she nods off to sleep. Any other time, he’d let her keep sleeping. But, at this rate, she’s about to fall asleep on his shoulder, and Saiki’s not willing to bet whether or not he can handle that much physical contact right now. At least, not before he settles what’s wrong with his powers.

“Teruhashi-san,” he murmurs, and Teruhashi jolts back awake, her face flushed red.

“S-Sorry! I’m just…” She manages a smile, pulling herself out of her sleepy haze, and she raises her index finger and thumb bashfully, “a little tired.”

Shoot! He saw me falling asleep. Ah, this is so humiliating.

The corner of Saiki’s lips twitch into a smile despite himself, and he coughs to cover up the light laugh that escapes him. She’s really not perfect at all, is she?

What was I going to say again? Oh, that’s right…

“It’s okay,” he says. “You wanted to tell me something?”

“Right, um,” she says, chewing thoughtfully on some of her food. “I know you don’t like the attention, so… I promise I’ll clear the misunderstanding today.”

She pauses to observe his reaction, an almost sad smile on her face that doesn’t suit her all too well. Teruhashi Kokomi is prideful, annoying, and frustratingly stubborn when she sets her mind to it, but she’s always bright.

It was a nice dream while it lasted, Kokomi. Let’s wake up, now.

And then he notices. The Saiki in her daydreams isn’t the usual one – the exaggerated, wide-eyed, shy talking head she always imagines him as.

It’s… him.

He sees himself in her thoughts. The real him. The low profile, impassive, average Saiki Kusuo who normally wants nothing to do with her.

Saiki almost crushes the cup of coffee jelly in his hand.

Okay. That’s the last straw. Whatever is making his powers go haywire cannot ruin his coffee jelly.

So, fine. Let’s say for all things given, there’s the possibility of things not being so bad if they – hypothetically – get together.

Maybe it’s the way Teruhashi is trying way too hard to keep her heartbeat steady, or the way Teruhashi is trying to fight down a yawn, tired from staying up all night to figure out how to fix things. Maybe it’s the way her company somehow feels sweeter than every sweet in the world.

Maybe it’s just him.

“You don’t have to do that.”

The words come out before Saiki has the time to think them over. It’s a natural consequence of telepathic communication, and a part of him hates himself for relying on it all his life.

“Huh?”

“It doesn’t bother me that much,” he says, and he’s surprised he’s telling the truth.

Sure, he can do without the pressure of possibly ending the world because of his powers despite the extremes and time-loops he went through to prevent just that. But the past week’s events aren’t exactly uncommon for him. Things in his life are never going to be normal.

And, he thinks to himself while staring at Teruhashi dissolving into a flustered mess, there are some bright spots.

Teruhashi’s jaw slackens, and she blinks at him rapidly.

“Eh? Uh, er, ah—huh?” she says, dumbly, her brain in the process of short-circuiting.

W-What? What does that mean? Does that mean Saiki-kun wants to keep dating me? Is that still pretend? Am I in? Am I out?!

He wants to roll his eyes.

Seriously, what a pain. For someone who usually has a good grasp of people’s thoughts, scarily accurate enough to make him wonder if she also has psychic powers, it’s frustrating how he needs to spell it out for her.

It means…

Teruhashi thinks way too much.

This time, Saiki takes the first step. He leans forward, and stares at Teruhashi for an unnervingly long time. Even with the awful trigger of his powers, he remembers enough of his powerless stint to know what she looks like, how much beauty her looks actually hold. But, mostly, he sees her, the Teruhashi beneath the mask. Just like he always has.

The sickly feeling crawls up into his stomach again, warmth settling in his chest. It’s not uncomfortable this time.

No matter much he tries to convince himself otherwise, when dealing with Teruhashi, everything he does is counterproductive. It was always going to lead to this. And he’s done fighting it.

According to the working theory, Saiki needs to control his emotions.

Let’s settle things now.

—this again? He’s doing this again?! Wait, did I swallow all my food? Is there something in my teeth? A grain of rice on my chin? But I always make sure I don’t make a mess—

“Is there… something wrong with my face?”

—what am I even saying, there’s no way that’s true because I’m me, and how does Saiki-kun always make me forget that and oh my God he’s—

“No,” Saiki says, finally, “there’s nothing wrong.”

And then he kisses her.

Teruhashi’s thoughts go quiet. Good grief.

The last mistake isn’t a mistake at all.