Chapter Text
Honoka: Do you even know what an amulet is?
Nagisa: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions!
Honoka: Nagisa, those are omelets.
Nagisa: Oh. Then I’ve got nothing.
Saki: Avenge my death.
Mai: You’re not dying, Saki.
Saki: AVENGE ME!
Kurumi: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside?
Nozomi: Not it!
Urara: Not it!
Kurumi: …Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.
Kurumi, DMing: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!
Honoka: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Nagisa: More or less, I guess...
Nozomi: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!
Nodoka: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.
Miyuki: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!
(can we all just appreciate that Kurumi and Honoka got dragged into this by their respective pinks)
Nodoka: Hey y'all. So, I know I’m the new guy here, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say... I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
The rest of the All-Stars: Agreed.
Honoka: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Nagisa: Burn the house down.
Honoka: And what did you do?
Nagisa: I made dinner.
Honoka:
Nagisa:
Honoka:
Nagisa: And burnt the house down.
Nagisa: Dramatic music? That can’t be good.
Urara: [Can easily hold the high note in “Say Amen” by P!ATD]
Kirara: [Kind of tries, but ends up laughing and admits defeat halfway through]
Yuri: [Doesn’t even try, even though Urara begs her]
Erika: [Can do it, but messes it up on purpose to be crazy]
Makoto: [Can 100% do it, but doesn’t want to seem like a show-off]
Mana: [Tries so fucking hard but for some reason sounds like a dying goose]
I actually don't know this song, but I thought it was funny, so here it is
Tsubomi: So I have made the decision to trust you.
Yuri: A horrible decision, really.
Milk: Let’s write Nozomi a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass...
Hikari: Isn’t it a bit dangerous?
Nagisa: Hikari, please. We’ve been in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Hikari: …
Nagisa: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Hikari: …
Nagisa: Alright, we escaped unhurt once... Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.
Karen: We’re kind of missing something guys.
Kurumi: Cohesion?
Kurumi: Teamwork?
Kurumi: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Urara: And Nozomi is not here.
Kurumi: Oh, and that, yeah.
Setsuna: What is this!?
Love: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Setsuna: Ow! Make it stop!
Love: Surrender to your kindness, Setsuna. It’s nice to be nice.
Setsuna: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!
Alternatively:
Regina: What is this!?
Mana: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.
Regina: Ow! Make it stop!
Mana: Surrender to your kindness, Regina. It’s nice to be nice.
Regina: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!
Haruka: [Kicks the door open, looking panicked]
Yui: What did you do?!
Haruka: NOBODY DIED
Yui: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Kurumi: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.
Honoka to Nagisa: So, all these years with a crazy crush on you, and all I had to do was get you food?
Miki: Love makes people do stupid things.
Love: I love everything!
Miki: That explains a lot.
I spent five minutes trying to figure out how to make a joke about how Love's name is love. I have accepted that I am not funny.
For the Karen x Kurumi fans:
Komachi: Just be yourself.
Kurumi: Really? Komachi, I have one day to win over Karen’s parents.
Kurumi: How long did it take for you guys to like me?
Urara: Couple of weeks.
Rin: Six months.
Nozomi: Jury’s still out.
Kurumi: See Komachi? ‘Just be yourself,’ what kind of garbage advice is that?!
Saki: There is nothing wrong with a burning panda in the cake.
Nagisa: My mom overheard this and said “I beg to differ.”
Shiho: Oh, so what are you?
Nagisa: Oh, I'm bi.
Shiho: Wait, but you're dating a guy.
Nagisa: I am? I thought I was dating Honoka.
Nagisa, looking at her watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve been insulted.
Nagisa: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve been *assaulted*, but let’s not talk about that.
Honoka to Hikari: The first rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are.
Nagisa, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH, YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!
Honoka: Of course, there are other schools of thought.
Ichika: I want my furry feet!
Aoi: Stop. Just say slippers.
Tsubomi: So... what’s goin’ on?
Erika: You want the long version or the short version?
Tsubomi, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?
Erika: Shit’s fucked.
Tsubomi: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.
Miki: Setsuna, I know you love Love. I mean, we all do, she’s a very nice person and I respect her immensely.
Miki: But I think she might be a fucking idiot.
Honoka: Hikari, gather the others. We need to have another Nagisa-is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-her-before-she-hurts-someone convention.
Kurumi: Two girls chillin' in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they’re not gay.
Honoka: But I am gay???
Nagisa: I’m bi??
Saki, from the lazy river: Two girls chillin' in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they're FUCKING COWARDS–
Nagisa: I’m really good at hiding who my crush is.
Honoka, walking in: Hey, what’s up?
Nagisa: I have to gay.
Nagisa: I MEAN GO–
Could also work with the characters reversed.
Hikari: Don’t worry, guys, I’ll tell your story!
Nagisa: I feel like this is how any situation where Hikari’s life is in danger is going to end. With her promising to speak well at our funerals.
Nagisa: Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Honoka: It’s you.
Nagisa: What?
Honoka: What?
Mirai: Anyway, I got a better idea.
Riko: Is it stupid, desperate, and very unlikely to get us out of this mess?
Mirai: Yes.
Riko: Is it humiliating?
Mirai: If we get it wrong.
Riko: Are we likely to get it wrong?
Mirai: Possibly.
Riko: In the time it’s taking me to ask you these questions, could you have just told me what it is?
Mirai: Definitely.
Riko: Should we get on with it then?
Mirai: Yeah, we better.
Nagisa: I don’t need them to hurt. I just need them to GO DOWN!
Hikari *startled after suddenly hearing a loud noise*: What the hell was that?!
Honoka *calmly*: That was the camera.
Hikari: No, the yelling.
Honoka: That was Nagisa.
Nagisa: How did my clothes even catch fire? I bought them because the tag said “inflammable”!
Honoka: Inflammable means flammable...
Nagisa: What?! That doesn’t even make sense!
Nagisa: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Saki!
Saki: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
Nozomi: I just had a thought.
Kurumi: I’ll buy you a card to commemorate the moment.
Erika: What’s it like being tall?
Ako: Is it nice?
Yayoi: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Akira: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Nozomi, dramatically: They called me a fool.
Kurumi: They weren’t wrong.
Nagisa: Where are my fucking keys?
Honoka: Nagisa, Hikari is around, can you say it a little nicer?
Nagisa: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!