Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Such sacrifice for so little to show
To learn these lessons I never wanted to know: that we will all die alone
And how my blood remains on the tip of the blade as it severs the flesh from the bone
So far beyond the below
I was there when they sowed the seed, I was there when the rats came out to feed
And when the rain came, it extinguished the flame in me
… 
And I dreamt about a place where all our virtue could withstand
I woke in fright, appalled to find the blood was on my hands

Korea Herald
2020.10.26
SEOUL
By: Kim Sujin

VAMPIRE BLOOD: THE WORST DRUG KNOWN TO HUMANKIND?

In today’s uncertain world, one thing is an absolute fact: vampire blood addiction is a pandemic the human race must fight against with everything we have. 

I sat down today with Park Jinwoo, one of Korea’s leading scientists against this powerful drug. He has been working to study the effects of vampire blood on the human body since the World Health Organization announced its powerfully detrimental addictive properties in 1976. That was after a rash of human deaths which could have been avoided, had the human race known more about this addiction and its consequences. It has been forty-four years since then, however, and thanks to hardworking men and women like Park Jinwoo we know much more now than we did then. 

Vampire blood, when ingested in small quantities, is known to cause a euphoric high comparable to that of heroin. Unlike heroin, however, it is wholly impossible to recover from a vampire blood addiction. I asked Mr. Park just why that is:

“There is an enzyme within the vampire’s blood which triggers a release of the brain’s serotonin production, effectively overloading the human brain with those ‘happy making’ chemicals. Not only that, but it activates the brain’s dopamine production, causing that high and pleasurable feeling that comes with the drug. However, unlike with other chemical drugs, vampire blood is entirely natural, and not only that, but it acts almost like a parasite in the human body. It feeds on the human blood still in the body, and inhibits the body from creating new, healthy blood the way it used to. It doesn’t stop blood production, but it does slow it down, and create a physical dependency on the vampire blood in order to keep functioning properly. When the human ingests the vampire blood, it goes to the stomach the way anything which is ingested does, but then it is immediately absorbed into the body and into the human’s bloodstream, where it feeds on the healthy blood and tissue. This is why the ‘high’ is much more intense when the human has first been fed on by a vampire, because there is less human blood for the vampire blood to eat through first, and it can immediately make its way into the organic muscle and tissue of the body. That, in conjunction to the addictive consequences which are brought about by the activation of the brain’s pleasure centers, make this addiction a fatal one.

“To put it plainly, ingesting vampire blood in a habitual way very slowly begins the Change, which makes it impossible for the human to go back to their regular bodily functions. We have been exploring every avenue to make it possible to come back from a vampire blood addiction, be it chemical, surgical, what have you, but as of yet, no country on earth has managed to find a way to help a human recover from this addiction and physical dependency. The only hope a human addicted to vampire blood has is to either complete the Change, or to perish.”

For forty years now, vampire blood use has been illegal in every country on the planet. However, just like with human-made, chemical drugs or naturally grown drugs, people have found a way to both monetize it and spread it. But there is one factor in the spread of this drug which is entirely different from that of other drugs: vampire blood can only come from vampires. Blood Farms are now almost entirely extinct, however they still crop up in every country. One, found recently in underground Busan, revealed a nightmarish scene of vampires, mostly young vampires, called newborns, who were stolen from their homes and held captive, regularly fed and then immediately bled, where humans who pay exorbitant fees can immediately partake in their drug of choice. According to vampire blood specialists, like Mr. Park Jinwoo, the blood is only effective if imbibed fresh. There is only an hour shelf-life, which makes it impossible to package and ship worldwide. This does help curb the distribution of the drug, but it is still the most widely available drug in the world, due to the ubiquitousness of the vampires themselves. 

Since 1938, when vampires made themselves known to the human race, they have come out of hiding in every single country on the planet, in every single city. They had been living among us for centuries in secret, and their ‘coming out’ showed us humans just how ubiquitous they are. They are everywhere, and thus their blood is everywhere. In every country, vampire authorities have varying penalties for those vampires who are found to have been providing humans with blood. And yet it still happens. 

I also sat down recently with Jung Kihyun, who is a 600 year old vampire. Mr. Jung sits on the Korean Vampire Council. I asked him why some vampires continue to provide humans with their blood, when they know the detrimental effects it has on the human body, and they have no intention of completing the Change. He said this:

“It is important to remember that vampires are not human. We do not operate by the same principles of morality. We have been called monsters for centuries, but we are not. We are sentient beings, just like humans are, but longevity has an effect on the mind which causes us to think and behave in ways that are different than that of human beings. Many vampires do believe themselves to be the superior beings, though that is not the official view of the World Vampire Council. Nonetheless, it is a common mentality. I believe that this is what drives some vampires toward providing humans with their blood, they wish to further illustrate their superiority. They want power over humans, and the way they seek to find it is to make humans dependent on them.

“For some vampires, however, it could be in response to their hatred for their own dependency on human blood - a way to even the playing field, if you will. In the past centuries before we started working with humans to find harmony, our lives were quite difficult to lead, and the vast majority of vampires were Changed against their will, thrust into a life of darkness and uncertainty unceremoniously. This made quite a few of them bitter and angry, and I believe it is their way of striking back against the slight against them when they were Changed. It is a slippery slope, however, because this only breeds more hate and contempt. It is a kind of revenge, if you will, even if it is not against the one who slighted them in the first place. 

“The World Vampire Council, as well as the Korean Vampire Council believe that providing vampire blood to humans is a reprehensible act which has no end, save to ruin lives. In Korea, Coven Leaders are required by law to report any of their members who are found to have been providing humans with blood, and they are subject to immediate punishment, not limited to expulsion from their Coven and imprisonment. In some rare, but severe cases, vampires have been executed for mass distribution of their own blood. We are working very hard in Korea to curb this very serious problem.”

As of writing this article, there are nine vampires serving five hundred year sentences in Korea’s only vampire prison, located in an undisclosed location in Gyeongsangnamdo. 

The World Vampire Council has remained firm on their stance against the distribution of vampire blood, but many human leaders around the world are critical that they could be doing more. Some human leaders have spoken out in favor of execution for any vampire found to have distributed their blood to humans, while others remain more rational, citing that human drug traffickers are not executed for the distribution of drugs such as heroin or cocaine. It is arguable, however, that the mortal effect of vampire blood on the human body makes the two situations incomparable. 

The question of what to do with humans found to be addicted to vampire blood remains uncertain as well. As of writing this article, the only recourse for those humans who are taken into custody for the use of vampire blood is to die in the hospital, or be taken in by a Coven and Changed. Many humans, however, do not have the kind of relationship with a vampire to be taken in by their Coven, and effectively adopted. Those humans are the unfortunate souls who end up in hospice, for as soon as they cease to ingest vampire blood, their bodies begin to shut down, and they eventually die a painful and lonely death. It is, unfortunately, very uncommon in Korea for vampire blood dependent humans to undergo the Change which can save them, and it is for this reason that vampire blood has become the most deadly drug known to man - not because more people have died due to its use than that of other drugs, but because unless they are very lucky, there is absolutely no hope of salvation for them. 

The energy in the club is charged, electric currents shooting through and between each body crammed into the dark room. The only lights are the dim red tinted bulbs at the bar, so the bartenders can see what they’re doing, and the spotlight on the stage. The crowd undulates like seaweed underwater, flowing with the current, as they wait in barely contained excitement. The figure on stage, illuminated from the spotlight above, is not impressive. He’s small for a man, short, and scrawny, and his oversized sweatshirt and baggy jeans only help to make him look smaller than he truly is. He has broad shoulders, but a narrow waist and skinny legs. Under his hood a beanie covers most of his greasy hair, but enough of it juts out to cover his forehead, partially obscuring his eyes. It’s dyed blond, and the beanie hides the inch and a half of black roots that have grown in. They don’t hide the dark smudges under his eyes, or the way his pale, almost translucent skin glows under the spotlight. 

In his hand, he has a microphone clutched in his long, bony fingers. The other hand hangs limp at his side, a ring on his middle finger so loose that it wiggles every time he moves, threatening to fly right off if he moves too quickly. He takes a deep breath, readying himself. He doesn’t really want to be here, but all these people came out to see him, and he’s not so far gone that he would just blow them off. Not yet, at least. 

In the scant seconds since he took his place on stage the crowd has started chanting, and he hears his stage name echoing around the room, louder and louder, penetrating every errant thought in his head, getting him into the zone. Gloss, Gloss, Gloss… It’s not his real name, but they don’t care about that. He lifts the microphone to his lips, and his beat starts. 

When he raps he gets to be a different person. He gets to forget who he is, and all of his worries and troubles. He gets to be a person that others are excited to see, a person who has value. He’s tired, but he finds the energy he needs, taking it from the crowd and making it his own. Not theft, not when the crowd freely gives it in the form of their screams, their voices rapping and singing along. He’s performing a song he’s done several times before, one which has been recorded and thrown onto the internet, allowing his fans to watch over and over again to learn the lyrics so they can join him in his performance. Why record and distribute his own music when his fans do it for him?

The whole set passes in a blur, and he doesn’t remember when one song turns into the next, only that it does, and then it’s over. The spotlight shuts off, and he leaves the stage amidst the loud screaming of his devoted fans. He goes into the back, where it’s marginally more quiet. This is a bar with a small stage, not a true venue, so there is no backstage area, there is only the staff room, with a dingy old couch with questionable stains on the fabric. His body is heavy, his breath a little short from the exertion of his performance. As he sinks down onto the couch he reaches up with the fingers of one hand to press against his chest, willing his heart to slow, willing the dull pain behind his sternum to let up. 

The door slams open, and a man walks in. He’s grinning, a dark look in his eye. “You left the crowd absolutely rabid tonight. They rushed the bar after you left the stage, ready to get absolutely fucked up.”

“Happy to help,” he rasps. He stands, pulling up his ill-fitting pants which threaten to fall off his thin, narrow hips. He steps over to the man, the club owner. He’s middle-aged, with a round beer gut drawing his black t-shirt taut over his torso. “I’ve got somewhere to be,” he says, holding out his hand. 

“Alright, alright, hang on,” the club owner says, reaching into his back pocket. He pulls out a wad of money, and counts out the fee. Gloss, whose real name is Yoongi, though he rarely gives it out to anyone who doesn’t absolutely need to know it, watches with narrowing eyes. He holds out a thin stack of bills, and Yoongi scoffs at the green ten thousand won bills. 

“That’s not what we agreed on,” he grits out. 

“Yeah, well we had a slow month. You bring the business, but you haven’t been around as much. This is what I’m offering, take it or leave it.”

Yoongi’s gaze snaps up from the money to his face, anger beginning to bubble under his skin. “What the fuck, Raewon?”

Lee Raewon smirks. “You know, if you wanted a little extra I’ll pay you from my own pocket, but you’d need to do a little extra for me to earn it.” With his free hand he reaches down and rests his fingers on his belt buckle. Yoongi follows his movement with bald disgust in his eyes. “I’ve heard you’re not against earning a little extra,” Raewon taunts, his voice low. Behind the closed door of the staff room the noise of the club is muffled, and Yoongi’s hands twitch. He becomes painfully aware of how small the staff room is, how closed off it is. He’s trapped. 

He snatches the short stack of bills from Raewon’s hand, sneering at him. He stuffs it into the pocket of his hoodie and shoves past him. Raewon’s hand darts out and snatches his elbow, gripping tightly. It hurts, and Yoongi immediately tries to pull himself free, but he’s too weak. “Let go, fucker,” he spits. Raewon releases him, holding his hands up in front of him, still smirking. 

“See you next time, Gloss,” he purrs.

“Yeah, not gonna happen,” Yoongi growls, before ripping the door open and stalking back out into the club. He goes to the bar, shoving between several people who yell in protest, and he slams his hand on the bar, before waving to get the bartender’s attention. Junghwa, a thin, pretty woman in her late twenties wearing all black, with long curling black hair walks over. 

“What can I get you, Gloss?” she says, her voice barely audible over the din of the club. “Your usual?” Yoongi nods. “Coming right up.” She turns and pours him two fingers of top shelf whisky, and slides it over the bar at him. Yoongi puts on his best charming smile. 

“Raewon said it was on the house,” he says, and Junghwa smiles sweetly, nodding. 

“Great job tonight!” She walks away, getting right back to work. Yoongi, eager to be gone, throws back the entire glass, savoring the way it burns on its way down his throat. He leaves the glass right there on the bar, and leaves the club. 

Yoongi stalks down the sidewalk, his hood pulled low over his face. His hands are stuffed in the pouch of his hoodie, clutching the paltry eighty thousand he was paid for performing at Raewon’s club. Anger boils in his veins. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. 

There’s a Nonghyup bank on the corner, and though the bank is closed, the side room filled with the ATMs is still open for a little longer, and Yoongi slips inside. He goes to the ATM at the end and deposits the eighty thousand, and then he stares at his balance for a long time, his anger simmering down and bleeding into despair. 251,493 won. Rent is due in two days, four hundred thousand. Yoongi has a shift at the restaurant tomorrow, but that won’t be enough to make rent. He also has to eat, at some point. His fridge at home is empty save a bottle of sriracha he hasn’t touched in months, a half finished bottle of soju, and two honey mustard packets. 

Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut, reaching up to roughly rub his hands over his cheeks. He yanks his hood and beanie off his head, ruffling his hair, and then pulling his hand away. He grimaces at the disgusting greasy feeling left behind. Well fuck, he thinks. I’m disgusting. He covers his face again and squats down. He knows what he has to do, but he vehemently does not want to. 

Come on Yoongi, you have no choice. Just go get it over with. 

First he has to get clean. Yoongi leaves the bank and goes home. It’s just after eleven, which will only make what he has to do even easier. He gets in the shower and washes his hair. He scrubs his body until his skin is bright pink. After he gets out of the shower he does an enema, and then gets dressed in the only jeans he has that still fit him, jeans which once were skin tight on him, but which are now a little loose, and a black tank top. It’s the end of October, and freezing cold outside, but his old leather jacket will have to be enough. Any of his other coats would not fit the aesthetic he’s trying to sell. He uses the old, surely expired stick of eyeliner he’s had for too long, and puts on some mascara. Also old, and surely expired. To finish his look, he ties a wide black ribbon around his neck. That in addition to the necklaces he regularly wears does a good job drawing attention to his neck, not to mention letting the kinds of people he’ll be looking for know that he’s looking for them. Watching his reflection in the mirror, he runs his fingers through his hair, making sure it feels clean and soft. 

He drops his arms to his sides and stares hard at his reflection. “Yeah,” he mutters. “I’d fuck me.” Despite the dark smudges under his eyes, and his laughable, obviously sickly pallor, he does look good. “Stupid fucking twink,” he growls at his reflection. “Let’s go get fucking paid.” He puts on his leather jacket, stuffs his feet into his boots, and leaves. 

Yoongi’s regular place isn’t too far from home. He weaves his way through the crowds on the sidewalk. It doesn’t matter that it’s a Tuesday night, this area of Itaewon is always busy. There are Koreans and foreigners, both human and vampire milling about, moving in and out of restaurants and bars, talking and laughing in the chilled night air. Yoongi’s chest hurts as he makes his way up the hill, his breath huffing in front of him in clouds of gray condensation. He shivers all the way down to his bones, and his fingers ache even as they’re curled into fists, stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. He wants to be inside, so he forces his aching legs to move him faster. 

His destination looms ahead of him, a small, fairly unassuming nightclub. Its name is emblazoned across the threshold, Droplet, and Yoongi rolls his eyes when he looks at it, as he always does. It’s a stupid name, but it gets the point across, in much the same way that the neon red teardrop beside the door does. It means vampires welcome, something which not every club boasts. In truth, Yoongi prefers the integrated clubs over the very many human-only establishments. There are usually fewer rowdy drunk people, and the atmosphere is generally much calmer, something which suits Yoongi well. The back rooms which most of these clubs also possess also suit Yoongi’s needs well. 

He walks up to Droplet’s door and looks at the bouncer, a hulking vampire by the name of Hyun, who smiles when he sees Yoongi. “Hello Kitten,” Hyun says. Yoongi puts on this persona like he puts on a mask, and he smiles sweetly, taking his hands out of his pockets and putting them behind his back, one hand gripping the other wrist, a coy facade, meant to endear himself to whomever he encounters. 

“Hello Hyun, how are you tonight?”

“Much better now that I’ve seen you, Kitten. Go on inside.” Hyun gestures for him to enter, and Yoongi bows to him, before making his way into the club. It’s dark inside, the dim lights glowing a dark orange, setting the mood. The music playing is a slow beat, bass heavy and hypnotizing. There’s an assortment of different tables, some taller with stools surrounding them, some shorter with armchairs around them. There are comfortable booths which line around the walls. The bar sits in the middle of the room, and on the other side of the bar from the sitting area is a dance floor. It’s filled with bodies undulating to the music, slow, sensual grinding. There are always a fairly even mix of humans and vampires in here, and with the lights dim as they are it makes it hard to tell the difference. That is, until the light catches a vampire’s eyes, reflecting off of their glass-like orbs, betraying their inhumanity. Until they open their mouths and their fangs glint, white and deadly. 

Yoongi makes sure he’s standing up straight, and he schools his face, making sure his expression is Kitten’s expression, not Gloss’s, not Yoongi’s. Kitten is innocent at first glance. Kitten is desirable, and sexy. Kitten is cute, and coy. Kitten is expensive, and those who frequent this club know that. Yoongi depends on that. 

Yoongi quickly scans the scene, trying to find anyone he recognizes. There are quite a few patrons here tonight he does not recognize, but there. Sitting at the bar, he sees her. His heart leaps. Shit, he thinks. He has other plans tonight. There are things he needs to do, things that she cannot do for him, but now that he sees her his whole body fills with intense, undeniable need. A desperation he is not proud of, and which he would give anything to escape, but he which is powerless against. 

Without consciously willing it, he starts to walk making his way toward her. He’s shaking, but she hasn’t seen him yet, he can still stop. He can go to her later, after he’s done what he came here to do. But every fiber of his being rages against that, because he has no idea how long she’ll be here. What if he does what he came to do, and then she’s gone? 

Yoongi has a split second to make his decision. Remember, Yoongi, you have to pay rent. You need money more than you need a fix. 

He could cry. He needs a fix. He was fine, focused on his inability to make rent, he didn’t even think about it until it was right there. And now he needs it. 

He’s still walking slowly through the club, toward the bar. He jumps slightly, when there’s a hand on his lower back. As if snapped out of his stupor, Yoongi turns to see a vampire standing beside him. Yoongi forces himself to be Kitten again, to smile. “Why hello,” he purrs. 

“Hello beautiful,” the vampire says, smiling in a way that shows off his fangs. “Are you here all alone?”

Yoongi pouts. “Yes, and I’m so lonely.”

“I can help with that,” the vampire says, leaning in closer and inhaling deeply. He lets out a quiet growl. Yoongi smiles sweetly, bringing his hand up to feel the fabric of the vampire’s suit. It doesn’t feel extremely expensive, but it doesn’t feel cheap either. 

“You can keep me company,” Yoongi says, stepping in closer. The vampire is a bit taller than he is, which only helps sell the fantasy. “For a price,” he breathes, craning his head up, rolling up onto his tip-toes to speak into the vampire’s ear. He drops back down off of his toes and bats his eyelashes, smiling again. The vampire scoffs, smirking. 

“Of course,” he says, accommodating. “Shall we get a room?” Kitten giggles, selling the character, and nods, reaching out to take the vampire’s hand. Now that he’s secured a client, his mind reminds him just who is sitting at the bar. He chances a glance at her, but she’s engaged in conversation with another vampire, and doesn’t notice him. Please, Yoongi pleads in his mind. Please don’t leave. 

The vampire goes to the back, where there’s another vampire guarding the door that leads to the back rooms. He hands him cash, and the guard tells them which room to use, and then Yoongi’s being pulled back into a dark hallway, lined with doors on both sides. The rooms themselves are small, no bigger than a room at a noraebang, but rather than containing karaoke equipment, they’ve got a single couch. There is a table beside the couch with a small whicker basket sitting in the middle. Inside the basket there are condoms, packets of lube, and a tissue box. There are also single packaged cookies, and hershey’s chocolate kisses. There are only two things these rooms are used for: sex or blood drinking. Yoongi wonders which of the two he’s in for tonight. Honestly… he’d prefer sex. Save his blood for the vampires willing to pay him in something other than money. 

The vampire pulls Yoongi into the room and shuts the door behind him, and Yoongi immediately takes his jacket off. He sits down on the couch, crossing his legs demurely and looks up at the vampire through his eyelashes. “So,” he purrs. It’s much quieter back here, and he doesn’t need to try to make himself heard, especially not since the vampire has his enhanced hearing. 

“So,” the vampire repeats, a lascivious smile on his face. “What kind of company do you provide?”

“Whichever you’d like.” Yoongi licks his bottom lip slowly, and then smiles again. “I’m sure a handsome, distinguished vampire like you can afford whatever you’d like to do to me.”

The vampire scoffs again, putting his hands in his pockets and puffing up his chest. “I want to fuck you,” he says, like a challenge. “How much does that cost?”

“Three hundred,” Yoongi says, his voice low, sultry. That will cover his rent with a little extra for him to eat for a few days. “Up front,” he adds. The vampire pulls his hands out of his pockets, with his wallet clutched in one of them. He looks inside, and then pulls out three yellow hundred thousand won bills, and Yoongi hates the way he almost starts salivating at the sight of it. He puts the money on the table, and then takes off his own coat. Yoongi uncrosses his legs, spreading them wide. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and braces himself to go to work. 

The vampire presses a kiss to his temple after he’s finished. Yoongi’s lying on his stomach on the couch, his cock still hard under his stomach, but he doesn’t care. He rarely finishes during these encounters. He stares at the three hundred thousand won on the table and tells himself over and over again that it was worth it. He keeps staring at the money as the vampire pulls his pants back up, buttoning them and zipping his fly. He puts on his suit jacket and makes sure his clothes aren’t rumpled. “Thank you, Kitten. I hope to see you again soon,” he says, and then he leaves the room. 

The second the door shuts, Yoongi surges up and grabs the money, crumpling it in his enthusiasm, and, paranoid, he double checks they are actually hundred thousand won bills, and that there are three of them. He squeezes his eyes shut, holding the money up against his forehead. He swallows hard against the ball of emotion in his throat. Yoongi takes a deep breath, exhaling it slowly, trying to keep it from shaking. 

His whole body hurts, and exhaustion makes him feel fifty pounds heavier than he is. But now that he doesn’t have to worry about rent anymore, he’s free to worry about other things. Determined, Yoongi stands up on shaky legs and puts his clothes back on. He sits down on the couch, wincing slightly when his ass hurts, to put on his boots and lace them back up. He puts the ribbon around his neck once again - the vampire didn’t bite him, but he did want to hold his throat, wanted to breathe against the skin there, covered with scars as it is, and make sure Kitten knew exactly what he could do to him as he fucked into him from behind. Yoongi puts his coat back on, and puts the money in his wallet. 

He leaves the room, making his way through the dark hallway toward the door which leads back out into the bar. He emerges into the dim orange glow of the club. His hands start shaking the closer he gets to her, and he has to suppress a cry of relief when he sees she’s still sitting there at the bar. He shakes harder as he approaches her. She sees him, and Yoongi’s blood runs cold when her beautiful eyes flash with anger. She points to the chair beside her, and Yoongi goes to it. He sits, his shoulders rounded. She’s still talking to her friend, sipping her martini glass, half filled with thick, red blood. Yoongi’s in trouble. But he honestly doesn’t care what she wants to do to him, how she wants to punish him, as long as she still gives him what he needs afterward. 

They sit for what feels like hours as she finishes her drink, chatting and laughing with her friend. Yoongi’s hands shake in his lap, even as he clutches the hem of his shirt, trying to stop it. From the corner of his eye, Yoongi sees her friend stand, kiss her on the cheek, and then leave, and Yerim turns on her barstool to regard Yoongi. He stares into her eyes, shaking harder. She purses her lips. “Now, Kitten, what am I going to do with you? How am I supposed to take care of you if you let any old vampire drink from you?”

“He didn’t bite me,” Yoongi says in a rush, ready to start crying. “He didn’t, I swear, you can check.” He reaches up to start tugging at the ribbon at his neck, but Yerim swats his hand away, shaking her head. 

“Then what on earth were you doing back there?” she says sweetly, taunting. Yoongi knows that she knows what they were doing. She just wants to hear him say it.

“He fucked me,” Yoongi breathes. 

“Why?”

“Because r-rent is due, a-and I didn’t-”

Yerim lets out a cooing sound, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Now, my baby! If you needed money, you could have told noona.” Yoongi would never do that. He would never put himself into her debt like that. She has enough power over him as it is. 

“I wanted to earn it,” Yoongi whispers. 

“Okay,” she replies easily, her tone patronizing, patting his cheek. 

“N-Noona,” Yoongi starts, his voice shaking as hard as his hands. “I- I need-”

“I know what you need, Kitten,” she says sweetly. “Come, let’s go home. Noona will give you what you need.” Yoongi nearly trips as he clambors off of the stool. Yerim takes his shaking hand and they leave the club together. During the whole taxi ride to her apartment Yoongi’s hands shake, and all he can think about is what’s going to happen when they arrive. He needs it. He needs it so badly. It’s all-consuming. Nothing else matters now, nothing save fulfilling this burning need inside of him. 

He follows Yerim out of the cab, eagerly taking her hand when she reaches back without even looking at him. The closer they get to the inside of her apartment, the more Yoongi feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin. His chest aches with need, radiating through his entire body. They reach her door, and she punches in the code and sweeps inside. Yoongi follows, stopping in the tiled entryway. He removes his boots while Yerim watches, her arms crossed over her flat chest. She’s a small woman, shorter than Yoongi, and narrower in every way. She’s not an old vampire, not even yet one hundred years old, but she’s still stronger than Yoongi, though not by much. If he were a healthy person, he could overpower her. But he’s not healthy, not strong, and the power that she has over him is overwhelming, and has nothing to do with how physically strong she is. 

He places his boots neatly against the wall just beside the door, and stands up straight, turning toward Yerim. His hands hang at his sides, and he can’t control how they shake. She regards him with an appraising look on her face, her lips pursing and her head quirking to the side. “Hm,” she says softly. “You’re unclean.”

“I- I showered before I went to the club,” Yoongi says, lowering his gaze. 

“But then you let some vampire fuck you. So, you’re unclean. I’m not going to touch you until you’re clean. Come with me, Kitten.” She turns sharply and starts moving through the apartment. Yoongi scrambles to follow, shoving down his protests. 

She’ll give it to you, just be patient, he pleads with himself. 

Yerim leads him into her large bathroom, and instructs him to stand in the middle of the room while she sits daintily on the edge of her deep bathtub and starts to fill it with steaming hot water. Yoongi focuses on keeping his breathing slow and steady, because he’s this close to throwing himself to his knees to start begging. Yerim turns to look at him with a critical eye. “Now, now, Kitten,” she says, her voice soft, almost understanding. “I know, sweetheart. It’s been a while since Noona’s been able to take care of you, hasn’t it?” Yoongi nods, playing along. “Come here my darling,” she coos through pouted lips, reaching out toward him. He goes to her, and she stands once he’s just in front of her. She takes off his jacket, folding it neatly and placing it on the countertop. Then she removes the ribbon and his necklaces from around his neck. She grips the hem of his tank top and he lifts his arms as she begins to pull it up, dropping them again after she takes his shirt off. She folds that, too, and places it on top of his jacket. She removes his jeans and boxers next, and then instructs him to sit down on the edge of the tub so she can take his socks off. He shivers at the cold of the hard marble tub, but at this point, Yoongi doesn’t need any reminders to stay still and let her do what she wants. After all… all she wants to do is baby him. Take care of him. There is nothing sexual about their relationship, and it’s refreshing for Yoongi, even if it does make him feel weird sometimes. 

But then again, if their age difference is taken into account, Yoongi basically is just a baby to her. 

The bathroom is cold, and Yoongi shivers hard as he sits on the edge of the tub, waiting for it to be filled enough for Yerim to tell him to get in. “Stay here,” she says. She leaves the room, returning less than a minute later dressed in much more casual clothes - a long white t-shirt and black, soft lounge pants. “Okay sweetheart, get in the tub,” she says, gesturing toward the water. Yoongi wastes no time in standing and climbing in. He shivers violently one last time as he sinks into the hot water - almost too hot, but he doesn’t complain. “How’s the temperature, my baby?” Yerim coos at him. He nods, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around them. 

“It’s perfect, noona, thank you.” 

She retrieves a plastic cup from the countertop, and begins to wash him like he’s a small child. Yoongi will hate himself for it later, as he always does, but in the moment he allows himself to let go and enjoy it. She washes his hair, chastising him for letting it grow out for so long without dyeing his roots - she likes him best with blond hair, which is really the only reason he dyed it in the first - and then makes him stand up so she can scrub him down. She makes him sit back down in the soapy water, and turns the faucet back on so she can fill the plastic cup, and pour it over his hair, covering his eyes and tilting his head back, like he really is a small child. The one place she lets him wash himself is his genitals, and for that he’s glad, but she likes to do everything else. 

Once he’s clean, she has him stand again, and scrubs a soft towel over his hair, and then wraps it around him before he climbs out of the tub. She leads him out into her bedroom, and he stands naked on the soft rug under his feet as she dries him off. Once he’s dry, she puts the towel back around his shoulders and goes to her wardrobe, crouching down to the bottom drawer, where she pulls out a pair of flannel sleep pants, and a matching button up flannel shirt. She dresses him as she undressed and washed him, and then puts the towel back in the bathroom to wash later. 

The whole ritual calmed him, lulling him into a quiet headspace, but now the anticipation is back, and Yoongi’s hands start shaking again. She comes to stand in front of him, looking up, once again appraising. She reaches up and drags her fingers through his damp hair, untangling the longer strands on top, and then making sure it lies down flat. 

“Noona,” he breathes, more a whine than anything. “Please…”

“Kitten, remember what happens to boys who aren’t patient?” she says, stern. He clamps his lips shut. “But okay, sweetheart.” She takes his hand and leads him to sit on the bed. She sits down beside him, and he mirrors her position, his legs crossed in front of him. “Hmm, I think I want the wrist today,” she says, holding out her hand. Yoongi immediately gives it to her. She grips his wrist and pushes the sleeve of the shirt up to his elbow. When she purchased it for him, just over five months ago now, it fit him nicely, but now it hangs on his thin, bony form. He stares down at the skin of his wrist, marked here and there - pink, circular pairs of scars dotting the skin of his arms, legs and neck, constellations mapping out his downfall. 

Yerim adjusts her hands, holding one under the back of his hand, and the other further up on his forearm. In the one suspended moment before she starts, Yoongi’s heart pounds. He hates this part. But it’s the last step before he gets what he needs, so he will endure it time and time again. 

She leans forward and bites into his wrist, and Yoongi screws up his face, biting his bottom lip hard to stop himself from crying out. As soon as her razor-sharp fangs break the skin, she unclenches her jaw and allows his blood to flow out into her mouth, her tongue occasionally lapping at the wound, sucking intermittently to make it flow faster. Yoongi can feel his heart pounding in his chest, and in the otherwise silence of the room there’s a roaring in his ears, almost like he can hear his blood pumping through his veins and out into the vampire’s mouth. Yerim moans softly here and there. It’s common knowledge that to a vampire, blood tastes better than any human food, and while a lot of humans, secretly or not, wish they could know what blood tastes like to a vampire, Yoongi has never had that desire. He doesn’t care what human blood tastes like. 

It always takes longer from the wrist, and the longer she drinks from him, the more Yoongi shivers, his free hand shaking uncontrollably on his lap. He stares at Yerim’s own neck, and her exposed collarbones, watching as her skin pinkens ever so slightly as she’s filled up with his blood. When she finally pulls away, kindly licking at the wound so it’ll stop bleeding, and heal much better and faster, Yoongi gulps, swallowing the excess saliva in his mouth before he starts drooling. Yerim sits back reaching up with her thumb to wipe at the corners of her mouth. “Thank you, my darling,” she says, reaching up and caressing his cheek. He leans into her touch, wanting, desperate. “Okay, you’ve been so patient. Now it’s your turn.” She pulls her hand back while Yoongi stares, anticipation coiling in his gut. Then she bites down on her own wrist. Yoongi’s hands dart out to grab at her arm, but she pulls it back and he freezes. “Ah ah, Kitten. You’ll get it when I give it to you.” Her voice is hard, and Yoongi whines, nodding. He watches, feeling like a caged animal as her blood flows down over her forearm the longer she holds it away from him. 

Then she extends her arm and allows Yoongi to hold her hand. He leans in immediately and closes his lips over the wound on her wrist and sucks. 

It hits him all at once, and his eyes fall closed, a moan of satisfaction and pleasure pulling from deep in his chest. Somewhere far away he hears Yerim laugh softly. Somewhere far away he feels her reaching up to pet his damp hair. Somewhere far away he sits on her bed, drinking her blood. Yoongi’s mind is catapulted far, far away, deep into space where he’s dazzled by the stars and vast emptiness surrounding him. Every cell in his body sings in happiness as he drinks the blood lazily trickling out of her wound. He has to suck much more than she needed to. She has no heartbeat to pump the blood out of her body. But Yoongi doesn’t mind working for it, not when the reward is so sweet, so wonderful. He sucks hard, and when she clenches her hand in his hair, pulling on his head he knows he’s doing it too hard but he doesn’t care because he finally feels whole. That deep, gnawing emptiness inside him is filled once again. His whole body tingles as the blood triggers the release of every feel-good hormone into his brain. It feels like an orgasm, zinging across every nerve ending, and Yoongi never wants it to end. He feels strong again. He feels like a man. 

Yerim tears him away when she deems he’s had enough, needing to use her vampiric strength to detach him from her wrist, and he slumps backward, unable to hold himself up against the onslaught of his high. He’s got a lazy, sated smile on his face. Everything slows down. Yoongi’s heart slows down, his breathing slows down. He is calm. Utterly at peace. He feels so good, and he floats, eyes shut, through an inky blackness. 

Inside his body, the vampire blood is invading, merging with his own blood still left inside of him, and absorbing into his muscles and tissue, into every cell, causing the euphoria that courses through him. Yoongi’s still vaguely aware of the outside world, just enough to feel Yerim lie down beside him, snuggling up close and holding him through the intense beginnings of his high, which will last until his body has created enough human blood to overwhelm the vampire blood, and it burns itself out. 

Slowly, oh so slowly, a tiny spark ignites in Yoongi’s belly. A tiny flame of energy which begins to spread through him. It brings him back from the void of pleasure he was floating in, catching and catching until his whole body is ablaze with a manic energy. He’s restless, shaking again, but this time it’s with the need to get up, to move. Yoongi sits up, moving quickly. He climbs off of the bed, while Yerim lets out a displeased sigh behind him. He turns, eyes wide. 

“Are you even going to thank your noona?” she hisses. Yoongi throws himself back onto the bed, pulling her into his arms and burying his face against her neck. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he says, pulling back and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. 

She smiles, satisfied. She waves her hand, and Yoongi flies off of the bed and into the bathroom where he strips off the pajamas and throws his own clothes back on. He laid on the bed long enough for his hair to dry, soft, and a little messy, but he doesn’t care. He shoves his black ribbon into his pocket, and throws on his coat. When he emerges from the bathroom again, Yerim is sitting on the edge of the bed. Yoongi goes to her once again, and presses another kiss to her cheek. 

“Go, have fun, Kitten,” she sighs, fond. Yoongi races out of the apartment, shoving his feet into his boots, slapping at his pockets to make sure he’s still got his wallet and his phone. He catches a taxi, uncaring around the cost, which will take him back to Itaewon. This time, as he makes his way up the hill his chest doesn’t hurt. He’s not exhausted, despite the late, late hour. He’s energized, excited, ready to dance, to let loose. There’s a pressure in his chest, and it feels like a scream that wants to be released, but Yoongi holds it in. 

There’s a club he likes somewhere in the middle of the hill - this one is humans only, and when Yoongi goes inside it’s packed. The music thumps inside of his chest, the heavy bass drowning out everything else, and it invades Yoongi’s body, his blood - Yerim’s blood - and only stokes the fire burning inside of him. He goes to the bar, wedging himself between two drunk people and catches the attention of the bartender. When he approaches Yoongi yells for a tequila shot, handing over his card when he slides the shot across the bar. As soon as his wallet is safely back in his pocket, Yoongi throws back the shot, biting down on the lime wedge immediately after. He shoves the wedge into the shot glass and abandons the bar, pushing his way through the crowded dance floor. 

The heavy crush of people on the dance floor only fuels Yoongi’s high - he feels alive. It’s hot, but he doesn’t care, he lets himself go, moving in time with the heavy beat of the EDM music pouring out over the crowd. Yoongi jumps, laughing wildly, his arms up in the air. He’s never been happier than he is right now. His energy is electric, catching the attention of a small group of women who flock to him. They jump and grind, and before he knows it, Yoongi’s got one plastered to his front and another at his side, her arms on his hips, the other’s arms around his neck, dancing impossibly close. He doesn’t consciously make the decision, but then he’s kissing the one in front of him, all open mouths and tongue. He whips around in their arms, and pulls in the girl behind him to kiss her too. He’s on top of the world, flying high as his beloved drug makes him into a king. 

Less than an hour after arriving at the club, Yoongi’s being dragged out by the two girls. They yelled over the music about going back to their place, and Yoongi immediately agreed. They chatter with each other as they walk, one of them holding his hand tightly. He’s still on fire, his body buzzing with the blood and the shot of tequila. He takes a cigarette one of them offers, and smokes it as they walk up the hill a ways. Then he’s being pulled into an apartment building, up one flight of stairs, and then into a small studio apartment. The moment the door shuts behind them they’re all over each other, teeth and tongues and lips and hands everywhere. Yoongi almost falls over one of them trying to get his boots off, and then they’re all hands and mouths again, ripping at each other’s clothing as they stumble toward the queen sized bed in the corner. Yoongi’s naked first, but he helps them both join him, tearing at their skimpy club clothes, vaguely wondering how they weren’t freezing outside. He lets one of them push him onto the bed on his back while the other grabs something - hopefully a condom, a small voice in Yoongi’s mind says - and then she returns, crawling in beside them. The one on top of Yoongi is kissing him hungrily, pulling his hands to cup her breasts while the other wraps her fingers around his cock, hard and hot and pulsing. 

Yoongi’s always preferred cock, preferred being fucked hard and fast, but the vampire blood blazing inside of him doesn’t care - it just wants to increase his pleasure, wants him to let go, take what he wants. These two are eagerly giving it, so who is Yoongi to refuse? As soon as the second girl gets the condom on him he flips them over and thrusts inside of her in one fast movement and she moans loudly. Yoongi does let go, fucking into her hard and fast while the girls kiss each other. Then the second girl climbs up to sit on the first’s face, kissing Yoongi as he chases his pleasure. Time means nothing. The girl he’s fucking screams, clamping down on him as she comes, and then, when she’s twitching, overstimulated, Yoongi’s pulling out of her and moving her friend onto her hands and knees so he can thrust inside her and keep going. He fucks both of them twice before he finishes, his eyes rolling up into his head as he comes hard, the vampire blood inside of him doubling the pleasure, sending him rocketing into space. 

“Oh my god, who are you?” one of them moans sleepily as Yoongi gets up to dispose of the condom in the toilet. 

“Nobody,” Yoongi says, his voice deep and gravelly. He puts his clothes back on, goes to the bed and kisses them both on the lips. “You’re beautiful, both of you.” Then he leaves. He’s still on fire. He checks his phone. It’s just after five in the morning. He has to work at noon tomorrow, but there’s absolutely no way he’ll be able to sleep tonight. 

He walks the hill, not knowing what to do but not wanting to go home yet. He’s not hungry, but he hasn’t eaten in a long time. He wanders around, stopping in a convenience store for a triangle kimbap and a bottle of water. He forces himself to eat the kimbap, only because he knows he has to, and drinks half the water bottle in one go. Then he wanders. At seven, when his bank’s ATMs are open again, he goes and deposits the three hundred thousand won he earned last night. He looks at his balance with wide eyes, a kind of giddy hysteria bubbling up in his chest. He’ll make rent. He can even go grocery shopping. And all he had to do was let some vampire fuck him. Easy. 

At eight, Yoongi does go home, and the minute he walks inside he’s seized with another burst of energy. He uses it to deep clean the whole apartment - it’s small, so it doesn’t take too long. He does his laundry, taking off the clothes he’s been wearing all night and throwing them in as well. He walks naked across the room, considers getting dressed, but ultimately decides to flop onto his bed on his back. 

He snakes his hand down his chest, the other hand going to toy with his nipples. He’s still flying high, his body tingling, and the minute he wraps his fingers around his cock it wakes up, interested. He lets go, licks his palm, and then reaches down again. He strokes himself hard, biting his bottom lip. His mind wanders, back to those girls, back to the vampire. He thinks about a few days ago, when he let himself be picked up by a big bear of a man in a different club, when he let himself get fucked for free, hard and fast in the bathroom stall. He thinks about Jiwoo, who always fucks him so well before he feeds him so well. Yoongi comes hard over his hand and his chest, and the endorphins from the orgasm mix with those from the vampire blood still coursing through him, and he floats away for a while. 

When Yoongi floats back to the surface, the fire boiling in his blood has died down to a simmer. He feels awake, alive and energized. He grimaces at the cum dried on his hand and his stomach, so he gets up and gets in the shower - the third in twenty four hours, a new record - and washes off the sweat, cum, and lingering fluids from last night. When he gets out he feels like a new man. It’s just about eleven-thirty, so he gets himself dressed in comfortable clothes, too-big jeans and a t-shirt under a sweatshirt and a coat. He glances around his studio apartment. Even clean, it looks dirty. The once white wallpaper is a faded, yellowish color, covered here and there with stains. Some left by Yoongi, some by whomever had the misfortune of living here before he moved in just under eight months ago. When everything went to shit. 

Yoongi puts his wallet and phone in his coat pocket, and leaves the apartment. His mind is empty, and he elects to fill it with music through his shitty, cheap earbuds as he walks to work. His legs feel strong as he slowly makes his way down the hill, and though the air is cold this late in October, the sun shines down on his face, warming his skin. He’s listening to a spotify playlist filled with popular songs of the day. He likes to find new music occasionally, and figures these songs are usually popular for a reason. Some sad-sounding ballad comes on, though, one Yoongi’s never heard before, though the voice is familiar. He pulls his phone out to check, and sees the name JUNGKOOK on the screen under the song’s title. He’s heard of Jungkook, Korea’s latest vampire idol heartthrob. Yoongi likes his voice, but the song doesn’t fit his mood, so he skips it, using one of his precious few skips of the day. It goes to an ad, rather than the next song, and Yoongi huffs. If there is one thing he misses about his old life, it’s spotify premium. 

Yeah, because that’s the worst thing you had to give up, you pathetic idiot, he hisses to himself inside his mind. He shakes his head, unwilling to let his mood sour his high. 

Yoongi’s shift doesn’t start until noon, so when he arrives at the restaurant at eleven forty-five his boss, a stooped ajumma named Heeae who took pity on the scrawny, sometimes sickly mess of a man he was - and still is - when he asked for a job seven months ago, tells him to go into the back office to wait for his shift to start. He does, allowing himself to collapse onto the desk chair, the only seat in the small room. Heeae comes back into the room a minute later carrying a plate filled with fried chicken and a pair of wooden chopsticks in their paper sleeve. She hands it to him. “Yoongi-yah, you look like you’re about to wither away,” she barks. “Do you ever eat?”

Yoongi bows his head, thanking her for the food. He puts the plate on his lap and rips open the chopsticks’ package. “I do,” he says.

“Well, eat more.” She says this like it’s easy, like Yoongi doesn’t have more important things to worry about than eating, like paying his damn rent, or feeding his addiction. 

“I will ajumma, thank you for worrying about me.” She stares at him, her hands on her hips until Yoongi picks up a piece of the chicken and puts it in his mouth. He exaggerates a moan at how good it tastes - which it does, to be fair. She smiles, and only then does she go back out into the restaurant. Once he’s swallowed, Yoongi’s appetite flares to life, and his stomach clenches painfully. One triangle kimbap in twenty-four hours was not enough, and only now does his body inform him of that fact. He tries to eat the chicken slowly, but it’s gone before he even knows what he’s done. Now his stomach protests how quickly it was filled, and for a brief moment Yoongi’s worried he’s going to throw it all back up. But he sits back, takes a deep breath, and it passes. 

He stands, and leaves the back room to go start his shift. 

Yoongi leaves the restaurant eight hours later with a box of chicken Heeae refuses to let him pay for. He bows low and thanks her for her generosity and her concern. He takes it home, eats half of it, and puts the rest in the fridge. His phone died at some point, unsurprising considering he didn’t charge it the night before, so he plugs it in and throws himself onto his bed. He’s still riding his high, though it’s dimming, and he’ll crash soon. He feels good, though, good enough to actually get a restful night’s sleep. So he picks himself back up off his bed, puts on his most comfortable pajamas. He brushes his teeth and washes his face. He goes to his fridge and takes out a water bottle. He gulps down a couple big gulps, because he never remembers to drink enough water, and then turns off the lights and goes to his bed. 

Yoongi crawls under the blankets, gets comfortable, closes his eyes, and slips almost immediately into a deep, dreamless sleep. 

For an addict, time is meaningless. There is no future, no plans, no hopes or dreams. There is only the drug, there is only the high, and between the drug and the high is a deep, meaningless void of despair and need. There is only the monotonous trudging from day to day, working toward the next high. 

Before, Yoongi felt sorry for people like him. He would read about addicts in the news, about how they ruined their own lives with their addiction. How they lost their jobs, their families, their lives. There was always a story in the news about some addict who died, no matter what they’d been addicted to. They were labeled, and once their label was slapped onto them that’s all they were. He would hear about someone who died on the streets, or in their homes, or in a club, and he would feel bad. Until he heard that word: addict. Then it made sense. It almost excused their death, and their downfall. Oh, they were an addict. Of course they died then, if they were stupid enough to get themselves addicted to something. Heroin, meth, cocaine, all those hard drugs he learned to stay away from in school. No one ever talked about vampire blood. 

Now… now, Yoongi understands them. Now, Yoongi doesn’t just feel sorry for the addicts who die, he empathizes. Before, he could distance himself from them. Oh, that’ll never happen to me, he would think. But then it did. Now, he sees those addicts who died, and he feels a strange mix of emotions. First, there’s sorrow, for the loss of someone with whom he shares a kind of fucked up kinship. But then, there’s a sick kind of pride. Because he’s not the one who died. He’s still alive. He’s starving, and broke, and regularly whoring himself out just to afford to pay rent and eat, but he’s alive, and he’s got steady access to his drug. He’s a king. 

At least, that’s how he feels when he’s got the drug in his system. When there’s still enough vampire blood in him to make a difference. But the human body replaces its blood volume in forty-eight hours. And as his human blood returns, the vampire blood can’t hold onto him any longer, and it’s overwhelmed. When that happens, Yoongi feels like he’s dying. And that’s where he is now, just under forty-eight hours after he drank from Yerim. He lies in bed, one hand resting on his aching chest, feeling the way his heart beats in an irregular rhythm. He can’t take a deep breath, and he knows that if he tried to get up, he would be dizzy and lightheaded, so he doesn’t even try. He doesn’t need to. He doesn’t work today, and he paid his rent. He has nothing to coax him from his bed until work tomorrow. 

He’s severely anemic, has been for months now. Nine months, to be exact. Because in the last nine months, he has not been able to last long enough between feedings for his body to replace the red blood cells he freely gives to the vampires who fill him up with their own blood. 

There are three of them. Yerim, who was the first vampire he met who offered him her blood after Beomsu abandoned him only a month after ruining Yoongi’s entire life. She was a blessing, a balm after being used and abused. She, who only wanted a human pet to take care of, and feed from. Yoongi loves her, because she gives him her blood, but also because she’s kind. Or at least, as kind as she can be while actively feeding Yoongi’s downfall. 

Then, there’s Dohyun, the old vampire who took Kitten up on his offer of his services, and who only wanted the blood. He paid Yoongi well for it, until one night Yoongi, emboldened by his desperation, offered an equal trade - Yoongi’s blood, for Dohyun’s. The stingy old vampire agreed. 

And then, there’s Jiwoo. Crashing, in pain, sinking into the blackness of his mind, Yoongi hates Jiwoo. He hates him, because Jiwoo has only been a vampire for forty years. He chose eternity. He chose the power he now possesses, lobbied for it, convinced a Coven to adopt him and turn him. He still remembers what it’s like to be human, how hard it is, and he laughs at Yoongi’s struggle. He insists his powerful vampire blood is too precious to be traded only for Yoongi’s own, and so he takes everything else he wants until he’s deemed Yoongi’s paid enough. He takes his blood, his body, his dignity, and only then does he give Yoongi what he needs. Yoongi hates him, and loves him. No. Not him. He loves the blood. He only loves the blood. 

The blood… It consumes him. His every waking thought. There are three times a month when outside responsibilities manage to drag his thoughts away from the blood, and those are only when his rent, his utilities, and his phone bill are due. Those are the times he scrambles to find the money - and if he doesn’t have it, he goes out and earns it in the dark back rooms of clubs, or the dingy, dirty love motels in back alleys - vampire, human, man, woman, he doesn’t care so long as they can pay, and he can take care of his bills, and then go back to his beloved drug. 

Yoongi rubs his fingers over his sternum. He’s tired down to his bones, feels like he could sleep for weeks, for months. But he can’t sleep, because now, as he crashes, nosediving back into himself, worry creeps in, his anxious companion. When am I going to get a fix next? he thinks, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing. He can’t call them, and they can’t call him either. There has never been an exchange of phone numbers. They don’t even know Yoongi’s name. They find him, or he happens upon them while he’s out one night. That’s how it goes, when vampires have the kind of casual relationship with a human like they have with Yoongi, when they feed infrequently from him, feeding him in exchange. 

He’s not their familiar - there’s no promise of exclusivity, no official title or benefits for Yoongi. They don’t want that. And even if they did, there’s bureaucracy that comes with being a vampire’s familiar. There are evaluations, to ensure the human is not being coerced into feeding the vampire, medical tests to ensure their bodies are healthy enough to withstand it, and only then do they get the benefits - free healthcare, a monthly stipend. The government wants humans to volunteer to be a vampire’s familiar, because it lowers the rates of assault, of blood rape, when a vampire feeds from a human who does not want to be fed from. But Yoongi would never pass those health tests. Even if he could hide his addiction, which he couldn’t, he can’t hide his anemia. That alone would disqualify him outright. They’d tell him it’s not safe for him, even if they didn’t know his condition was his own fault. 

So that leaves him suspended in this terrible limbo, where he’s aching for it, but not desperate, not yet. Where he has time to come up with a plan. Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut again, sinking further into the black abyss of his thoughts, where all he can do is feel how much his body hurts, how tired he is, and how much he loathes himself. He’s killing himself. Slowly, passively, but that’s what he’s doing every time he gets high. Every time he puts himself at the mercy of a vampire, who could kill him so quickly, so easily. Every time he allows a stranger to use his body with the promise of either money, or a high - or even when it’s just a release, just a quick fuck in a club bathroom, or some stranger’s room or love motel. He’s practically begging someone to just end it. Because then he wouldn’t have to. Every time he survives an encounter he’s given a second chance, but Yoongi can’t help but feel that there is a limit, and he just might be running out. 

There is no escape from the blood. Yoongi knows this. He’s heard it in passing on the news, or read about some poor soul who was caught, who was thrown in the hospital and who died there. It’s an execution, this addiction. A slow, painful, glorious death sentence. Yoongi knows this. But he had no choice in it. He was sentenced without a crime. He was innocent. He was nobody, just an office worker, who wrote poetry and spun them into his songs on the side. But Beomsu saw something in him, saw that innocence, how corruptible he was, and he took it away. 

Yoongi peels himself off of his bed, groaning when his body protests the movement after lying prone for so long. He stands on unsteady legs, and trudges into the bathroom where he slowly undresses. He leaves his clothes in a crumpled heap in the sink, and steps under the showerhead, naked and small, skinny and sick. He turns on the water, letting it wash over him, freezing at first, and then much too hot. He endures it like a punishment for a minute, before he adjusts it so it’s not burning the pale white skin of his chest and stomach. He’s clean, didn’t really need a shower, but he needed the feeling of the water and the heat. He needed something to pull him out of his head, lest it consume him. He closes his eyes and steps forward until the spray is washing over his face, wetting his hair and plastering it to his forehead and into his eyes. He stands there for a long time, and lets it attempt to wash everything away. He focuses on the sound of the water, the feeling of it on his face, tumbling down his chest, over his bony ribs and hipbones, over his cock and down his thighs. Down into the drain, where it washes away, taking Yoongi’s thoughts, taking his despair and his self-loathing with it, even if just for a moment. 

Chapter Text

I’m asking for it, not worried ‘bout my reputation
I’m begging for it, a hazard of the occupation
You can blame me for it, I’m worried that it’s gone too far now 
I’m sleeping in it, I never asked for your protection
Cover me when darkness bleeds in, ‘cause it’s all I’ve ever known
I’m fine with all these cuts not healing, ‘cause it’s all I’ve ever known 

Korea Herald
2020.11.12
SEOUL
By: Gu Kyunghyun

BREAKING NEWS: BLOOD FARM RAID IN HWASEONG

Seoul, Friday, 8:47am. Police have just released a statement that an anonymous tip was sent in with the location of a blood farm north of Hwaseong, at the base of Baksan Mountain. After a day of observation, Gyeonggido police forces worked together with the National Vampire Police Force to set up a raid, which they carried out just after midnight last night. The Hwaseong Seobu Police Chief Nam Gyumin made this statement early this morning:

“It was thanks to the tireless efforts of our good men and women police officers, as well as the strength and fortitude of the NVPF, that we were able to shut down the deplorable operation of a blood farm just north of my great city. Officers, both human and vampire, swept in and took the humans running the farm by surprise, apprehending the seven humans running the farm, as well as five ‘customers’, all of whom were taken into custody to await trial. Eight vampires were rescued, and delivered back to their Covens where they can recover from their ordeal. These eight vampires were taken from all over the country and held in shackles and cages, kept weak and powerless and threatened daily with fire and the sun. The Korean people and government do not condone the existence of these terrible places. They are abhorrent, meant only to exploit vulnerable young vampires, and the humans who are overtaken by the disease that is the addiction to vampire blood. As always, we urge any citizen with any knowledge of an unknown blood farm to report them to their local police, or to the National Vampire Police Force. Thank you.”

UPDATE, 9:59: The police have just released the identities of those humans involved with the running of the blood farm in Hwaseong, one of whom is Lee Wonchul, former chairman of the Korean Human/Vampire Alliance, a non-profit whose aim is to educate Korean human citizens about vampires, to foster a sense of unity and friendship between our two races. Lee quietly stepped down from his position as chairman early last year, with a statement citing a desire to spend more time with his family as his reasoning for departure. 

UPDATE, 15:24: Lee Wonchul, former chairman of the Korean Human/Vampire Alliance as been found dead in his holding cell at the Hwaseong Seobu Police Station. Preliminary report claims suicide by hanging. An anonymous source who talked to the Korea Herald claimed Lee hanged himself with his belt. Further investigation is underway. 

Yoongi screams, his sweatshirt bunched up in front of his face. Anger and despair courses through him like a white hot flame, pricking his nerve endings like a physical pain that tortures him. He balls one hand into a fist and slams it against the wall behind him, where he’s sitting in the corner of his apartment. It hurts, but he barely notices. He screams his rage into his sweatshirt, pulling his legs up closer to his chest, making himself as small as possible. 

He just wanted to give his body a break. Give himself some time to replace his red blood cells, and hopefully alleviate the terrible symptoms of his anemia. He met Dohyun last week by chance at the club, and let him feed, and got high, but after that high wore off Yoongi could no longer ignore the terrible pain in his chest, the near constant headache. Every time he stood he was dizzy, and no matter how much he slept he was always so tired. It came to a head when he stood up too fast two days ago and he passed out, right onto his hard wooden floor. He laid there for hours, his head swimming, and his hip and shoulder throbbing where he landed. It only took an hour before a huge, black and purple bruise bloomed all the way down his side. 

He had a little extra money, courtesy of a couple nights out, trying to supplement his meager pay from the chicken restaurant, saving up for this month’s bills. So he thought, he’d get his high and give himself a break. He asked around the few others he knows who are like him, and found where the blood farm is. He’d heard whispers of its existence, the only one in the northern part of the country, but never where it was exactly. He took a bus to Hwaseong, and then a taxi to Baksan, where he wandered around, shaking and desperate, trying to gather his courage. They’re called farms, but it was just a house at the end of a long road, a little ways up toward the mountain. Yoongi had never been to a blood farm before, but he was desperate, and in pain, and he needed to get high. 

He wandered up and down the street the house was situated on, fighting with himself. He knows blood farms are bad. He knows those vampires are not there because they want to be, and that he’d be stealing from them by drinking their blood. Essentially committing blood rape, something every human - and most vampires - view as abhorrent. A violation.

But he needs it. He needs the blood. Every cell in his body cries out for it every moment of the day and night. He had no other choice. 

In the end, that choice was taken away from him. Yoongi saw the police men and women approaching the house from the other end of the street, dressed in their black tactical gear as they moved silently and stealthily through the night. He threw himself behind a car, landing on his knees and ripping a hole in his jeans, scraping up his left knee before anyone saw him. There are no other houses around, no reason for him to be there except to visit the farm. No excuses, and no escape. His heart pounded as adrenaline started pumping. Terror filled him and he peeked out from behind the car, and the moment all of the cops disappeared into the house, Yoongi made a break for it. He ran hard, down the mountain, staying off the road as he tried to remain unseen. It was late, and dark, and he fell several times, but he managed to make it back to Hwaseong unseen, somehow. He located a jjimjjilbang, where he could wash off the blood and sweat from his escape, and where he could sleep a few hours until the buses started running again in the morning. He didn’t sleep, his heart still racing from how close he came to being caught, how close he came to certain death. That’s what getting caught is for him. Vampire blood consumption is illegal, an automatic charge, and left in the hospital without the blood his body needs, he would get sicker and sicker until he died. 

Yoongi got on the first bus back to Seoul, and by the time he arrived back at his apartment, and threw himself to the floor, he wished he’d been caught. He wished he was dead, because that would mean he’s not in pain anymore, not desperate to get high with no avenue to for relief in sight. So he screams. 

Drugs fuck with the mind, they drive humans to do crazy things to get high. They dull the senses, so that they have to take more of the drug just to feel the high, while everything is dull and lifeless without it. Vampire blood doesn’t just fuck with the mind. It changes it. It eats away at one’s insides until they have to have it just to do what their body was made to do. Without it, the human will get sicker and sicker until their organs shut down, and they die. Without the chemical drug, the human body can go on, and can get better most of the time, but with vampire blood, there is no going back. 

He will have to go out tonight, go club to club, looking for one of his vampires. If he can’t find them, he’ll have to find another willing to feed him. Anything if it means he can get rid of this itch. It’s just after eight in the morning, and he doesn’t work today. Yoongi picks himself up off of the floor, feeling numb, except for that ever-present itch, that black hand squeezing his heart, constricting his windpipe so he can’t breathe. He takes off his dirty jeans and sweatshirt and crawls into bed. He’s got a busy night, tonight, and he needs to get some sleep before he goes out to do what needs to be done. 

Yoongi’s hands shake, and he grips his whisky glass tighter, trying to contain it. His hands never stop shaking these days, not unless he’s high. His head hurts, and he’s exhausted, despite sleeping most of the day away. It’s just after nine in the evening, still relatively early, but the club is filled nonetheless. Beside him, some guy talks, trying to make himself heard over the loud music and noise of the club. He’s a human, but he’s cute, and he wanted to buy Yoongi a drink. So he accepted with a sweet little smile, doing his best to be Kitten and appear interested. But he’s not listening to the cute guy. He scans the club, one of his regular haunts, an integrated club called The Lantern, searching the crowd of patrons. 

Yoongi finishes his drink, and as he sets the glass back down on the bartop, he sees Jiwoo step through the club doors. His eyes go wide, and he scrambles off of the barstool, ignoring the cute guy’s protests as he weaves his way through the crowd. Jiwoo sees Yoongi approaching, and his lips spread into a smug smile. Yoongi knows Jiwoo can see the hunger in his eyes, the desperation written in every line of his body. 

Yoongi walks right up to him, pressing himself against Jiwoo’s front, and hugging him, trying to make himself appear smaller, the way he knows Jiwoo likes. “Well, hello Kitten,” Jiwoo purrs into his ear. “I was hoping I would run into you tonight.”

Yoongi looks up into his face, and pouts. “Hyung, I missed you,” he says. Jiwoo’s smile grows wider, more satisfied at the way Yoongi whines at him. “Please, hyung, I need you.” He doesn’t try to mask how much he needs him, and a spark of terror ignites in him when he sees the change in Jiwoo’s eyes, which tells him he’s in for a rough night. He doesn’t care. 

“Aw, Kitten, I just got here. I was hoping to dance a little first. Come on, let’s go get you a drink and you can dance with hyung for a while.” Jiwoo stares at him, watching him fight with the desire to outright beg for Jiwoo to take him out of here, take him to the motel where he can use Yoongi however he wants before giving him what he needs, the way he always does. But Yoongi knows that begging like that only makes Jiwoo feel more powerful, more sadistic. So he lets Jiwoo wrap his arm around Yoongi’s waist and walk him over to the bar. He orders two shots of tequila, and brings them both up to Yoongi’s lips to drink one after the other. It burns, and sits like fire in his stomach, mixing with the whisky he already drank, all of it on an empty stomach. 

He drags Yoongi over to the dance floor, and starts to move to the heavy bass of the music flooding the club, his hands gripping Yoongi’s hips tight. Yoongi tries to dance, to give Jiwoo what he wants. He’s so tired, but he needs the blood Jiwoo is withholding. He turns himself around to plaster his back to Jiwoo’s chest, to grind his ass against Jiwoo’s crotch, hoping to entice him into leaving. The alcohol in his system - the whisky and the tequila shots - starts to take the edge off of the world, makes the lights a little brighter, and the music a little louder, and then he really does start to dance. He turns himself back around, grinding against Jiwoo’s hips, his arms around his neck. He’s both sensual and slutty, the way he moves his body against the vampire’s, biting his bottom lip and hooding his eyes as he stares into Jiwoo’s, watching as his gaze becomes hungrier and hungrier. 

Time falls away as Yoongi loses himself to the music, the alcohol in his system, and Jiwoo’s hands everywhere on his body. He smiles, his body moving automatically to the music, a reaction rather than a conscious choice. He reaches up behind him and slides his fingers into Jiwoo’s hair as he grips Yoongi’s hips tightly, pulling him back and grinding against his ass. He leans in and nips at Yoongi’s ear, sending a thrill through him. He lets Jiwoo touch him all over his body, doesn’t flinch when he puts his hand on Yoongi’s neck and holds him as he kisses at his neck. Yoongi is not in control. He knows better than that, where Jiwoo is concerned. 

When he’s drunk enough to be stumbling on the dance floor, barely able to support his own body without leaning heavily against something, only then does Jiwoo take him out of the club. He watches the ground as he walks, the vampire’s arm securely around his waist, keeping him from falling right onto his face. The sounds of the street around them are muffled by the roaring in Yoongi’s ears, the deafening pounding of his heart, the heavy rasp of his own breathing. Then the concrete street under his feet shifts, turns into a dingy carpet. Jiwoo pulls him to a stop, holding him tightly to his side. Yoongi gathers himself, and picks up his head and looks at the clerk behind the counter. They’re in a love motel that they’ve used before, so even drunk as he is Yoongi knows where he is. At least he has that comfort. 

“Room for two,” Jiwoo says, sliding his card across the counter. 

Yoongi watches the clerk take the card, tapping away at his computer, even as he raises an eyebrow at Yoongi and says, “he okay?”

“He’s just had some to drink,” Jiwoo says. “He’ll be okay.” He turns his head to look at Yoongi with a warm smile, a facade. Yoongi sees the heat in his eyes. The hunger. Well, I’m hungry too, Yoongi thinks absently. 

“You made me drink,” he mumbles at Jiwoo, before he can think to stop himself. Jiwoo’s hand on his side clenches painfully, but Yoongi doesn’t react. 

“You wanted to have some fun, right?” Jiwoo says, for the motel clerk’s benefit, but even drunk Yoongi can hear the threat in his voice. 

“I wanna have some fun,” Yoongi breathes back, leaning in toward Jiwoo, and kissing his chin. That seems to appease him. The clerk gives Jiwoo a key, and then Yoongi’s stumbling toward the elevator. The moment the doors shut Yoongi yelps, squeezing his eyes shut when Jiwoo shoves him against the wall, a hand around his jaw. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re nobody, just some fucking junkie who will take what I give you. I can get blood anywhere, but you? You need me,” he hisses. “You want this. Huh? You want me to give you what you want?” Yoongi nods frantically, the best he can with Jiwoo’s strong grip around his mouth. “Then you better not fucking embarrass me again.”

“‘M s’ry,” Yoongi manages. Jiwoo’s fingers dig into his skin, his nails leaving pinpricks of pain. He rips his hand away, and Yoongi’s head falls to the side. He pulls himself up, even though it feels like gravity is increasing on him, trying valiantly to pull him down down down as the alcohol in his blood affects him more and more. He pushes through it, stepping forward and reaching out to catch himself on Jiwoo’s shoulders. “Please please please,” he breathes, plastering himself to his front, gripping his coat tightly. He nuzzles against Jiwoo’s chin, pressing sloppy kisses in his wake. “Please hyung, I need you.” Jiwoo growls softly, winding his arms around Yoongi’s waist and pulling him flush against him. He kisses Yoongi’s lips hard, hungrily, one hand snaking down to grab his ass. The elevator doors open, and Jiwoo pulls Yoongi out and down the hall, and it takes all of his focus to put one foot in front of the other. Jiwoo unlocks the door he stops in front of, and pulls Yoongi inside. 

He lets go of Yoongi, who stumbles his way through the small room to the bed without taking his shoes off. There’s no way he can get his boots off while standing anyway. Jiwoo laughs at him as he collapses onto the bed, and rolls forward to work on his boots. He’s tugging at his laces when Jiwoo crouches in front of him. He pushes at Yoongi’s sternum with one hand and he flies back with the force of it, bouncing on the bed. It strikes him as funny, and he starts to giggle, his eyes sliding shut as he laughs and feels Jiwoo pulling his boots off, and then pulling his pants off. Then he takes Yoongi’s shirt off, rolls him over, and slides his hands down Yoongi’s back. 

Yoongi goes away when Jiwoo pushes inside of him. He’s still there, still feeling every inch of him, still feeling the way Jiwoo handles him roughly, lifting and moving him however he wants. Yoongi is a scrawny, underweight, wisp of a man, it doesn’t take much strength to move him, and Jiwoo has that in abundance. His body is still there, but his mind goes away, sinks deep down inside of him where he can pretend that the person fucking him is someone who loves him. Someone who cares about him, who sees him as more than just a hole to fuck and a bag of blood. More than just a meal to satisfy his twin hungers. He fucks him hard and fast, one hand holding his hip tightly, digging into his bone, while the other holds his hair, pulling his head back far enough that he can no longer close his mouth, and each and every noise punched out of him tumbles out unhindered. Jiwoo finishes pressed inside of him with a deep grunt, and then pulls out only to shove Yoongi over onto his back. He slides one arm under his shoulders and pulls his upper half up and Yoongi hangs, limp, in his arm as he wraps a hand around Yoongi’s cock and starts to jerk him off. Then he bites down on Yoongi’s neck hard and greedily drinks. Yoongi doesn’t come, but when he’s finished drinking, Jiwoo pulls back, dropping Yoongi onto the bed unceremoniously and bites at his wrist. He thrusts it against Yoongi’s mouth, and despite his exhaustion, despite his drunkenness and incoordination, Yoongi’s body reacts to the blood on instinct. Now he drinks greedily, hands flying up to hold Jiwoo’s arm at his lips. 

“Let go of me,” Jiwoo hisses a moment later, taking a handful of Yoongi’s hair and yanking. Yoongi drops his hands to his sides obediently, taking only what he is given, and no more. What else can he expect, after all? Jiwoo was right. Jiwoo can get the blood he needs anywhere. He can find any willing human and so long as he has consent, he can drink from them with no penalty. If he can’t find a willing human, he can go to a blood bank, show them his identification, and get blood that way for a reasonable price. It’s easy for vampires, legal, and supported. But Yoongi cannot get the blood he needs from just anyone. He’s at the mercy of vampires like Jiwoo, like Yerim, and Dohyun, who are willing to go against the law, to feed Yoongi’s addiction. He’s powerless, and Jiwoo knows this. Jiwoo takes advantage of this. 

When he pulls his arm away, Yoongi sighs out a thank you, a reflex, trained into him over the course of their relationship. He’s pliant, and soaring, smiling as his eyes are half rolled into his head. He couldn’t move, or speak, or think, even if he tried. He’s helpless against the onslaught of his beloved high and, knowing this, Jiwoo slicks his cock up, and picks Yoongi’s legs up to go again. 

The lights are flashing, the music thumping in his chest, and Yoongi dances. After finishing the second time, Jiwoo left him in the motel room to come down alone. Once he did, and that energy started coursing through him, forcing him to move, to do something, Yoongi got up, wiped himself down, got dressed again, and left the motel. He went back to The Lantern, and threw himself right into the fray, dancing hard and fast. He’s a king, he’s on top of the world. He feels great, and strong, and powerful. He feels sexy and desirable. He’s not Kitten, or Gloss, he’s Yoongi, and he’s resplendent in his high. 

Each song melts into the next, and he doesn’t tire, or take a break. He doesn’t engage with anyone trying to dance with him. He wants to dance, and he wants to enjoy himself and relish the painlessness of his being in that moment. 

He opens his eyes, entirely unaware of how long he’s been going and going, on an entirely different level than any other clubgoer, and through the crowd he sees a pair of eyes watching him. They’re dark, beautifully almond shaped, and framed by a face carved by the gods themselves. The man - vampire, something whispers in Yoongi’s mind - has soft looking, long honey blond hair, and he’s wearing what looks like a flowing blouse, open in the front to show off his collar bones, and a hint of his chest. He’s absolutely stunning. For a split second Yoongi considers leaving the dance floor and approaching him. But he got his high, and he got fucked twice already tonight. He has no need for a vampire. But that doesn’t mean he can’t tease, and he does so shamelessly. He watches the vampire, making sure he knows Yoongi is watching him, as he dances, moving his hips, and jumping in time with the heavy beat of the fast and loud music. The crowd is rowdy around him and Yoongi eagerly eats up their energy. After a few songs, he forgets all about the gorgeous vampire across the room, and lets go of absolutely everything. 

He dances all night, and goes home alone. As the sun rises, he falls into the deep, dreamless, heavy sleep of the mortally exhausted. He wakes in the afternoon feeling more human than he does any time other than the day after getting a fix. He goes to work, smiling and in a good mood, and after his shift he goes home and sleeps some more. The next day he does the same thing, waking feeling good, using his energy productively to clean his dank apartment, and even write a new song, and then he goes to work and does a good job. 

But the third day after his high he wakes in the night and cannot go back to sleep. He shivers, and wraps himself tighter in his blanket. He’s crashing, and with it the pain creeps back in. Yoongi takes in a deep, shuddering breath, and lets it out in a moan of despair. The cycle begins again. When will this end? he thinks, screwing up his face into a grimace. You’re a pathetic sack of shit, Min Yoongi. You should have ended it months ago, that would have been more kind than this. This isn’t a life, this endless march from high to high. You won’t get any better. You cannot escape this hell, so why do you stay? Why don’t you just end it already? 

Yoongi wants to get high again, wants to soar, and feel good. Wants to be lifted from this hole he lives in, out of the dark blackness of his doomed existence. If you end it, you can’t get high again, he reminds himself. It feels like a hand is squeezing his lungs and his heart, and he sobs. 

Work. Eat. Fuck. Bite. High. Work. Eat. Fuck. Bite. High… over and over and over again without end or reprieve. Yoongi can’t breathe anymore. He can’t breathe, and he can’t sleep. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months, and suddenly it’s the new year. Yoongi doesn’t know how much more of this he can take.

Yoongi spends the one year anniversary of his downfall, January twelfth, getting spitroasted by two plain looking, but nice middle aged men who pay him five hundred thousand between the two of them to let them use him however they want. He lets it all happen with Kitten’s mask on his face, hiding everything save the look in his eyes. These two don’t notice though, or they don’t care. 

They’re kind, and when they both finish, they make sure Yoongi does too, and then they clean him up gently, praising him softly, thanking him for making a dream come true. Their room in the motel is theirs all night, so they leave Yoongi after he’s clean, wishing him sweet dreams, and he lies there in that hard, but warm bed dreaming of vampire blood. He’s exhausted, and he hurts, but he gets up anyway just about an hour after his customers left, dresses himself, only looks at himself in the mirror long enough to make sure he looks decent, and he leaves. 

It’s a little after one in the morning, and Yoongi goes looking for a fix. He’s keeping his eyes open for Jiwoo, or Yerim, or Dohyun, but at this point he doesn’t care who gives it to him, so long as they do. 

He’s in Gangnam tonight. He felt like being a little fancy, since he’s managed to survive a whole year of his march toward death. It was at a human-only club where he met his customers, but now he looks for the integrated clubs he’s been to before in this area. He’s dressed up in his best, having splurged a little to finally buy some clothes that actually fit, and he feels marginally more like he fits in among the nightlife in the richest part of Seoul. Jiwoo and Yerim are both relatively young, not having had quite as much time as some other vampires have to amass their wealth, but Dohyun is over four hundred years old. He wears expensive suits, and nice watches. He drives an expensive car, and it was in one of these Gangnam integrated clubs where Yoongi met him for the first time. 

Feeling sore after his earlier activities, he doesn’t want to run into Jiwoo, who will only use him much more harshly. He doesn’t really want to run into Yerim either. He doesn’t feel like being coddled tonight. He doesn’t deserve it, and doesn’t want her patronizingly sweet treatment. No, tonight he wants Dohyun’s cold professionalism. Wants the no frills way he rents out a club’s back room for a couple hours, takes a small drink, for his age doesn’t require as much blood as a younger vampire does, and gives Yoongi a few mouthfuls of his own blood in exchange. He wants to be left alone to his high after, the way Dohyun does. He’s been so alone for so long now, he doesn’t know any differently. 

There’s a swanky, integrated cocktail bar high up in a tall building right in the heart of Gangnam called Sugar, and that’s where Yoongi goes tonight. He has a good feeling about it, as it’s a bar he knows Dohyun likes. He doesn’t like the loudness of the dance clubs Yoongi usually favors. He wants to sit with his friends, listening to the tantalizing live piano or vocals of the night as he sips his overpriced blood from a cocktail glass. 

Yoongi adjusts the ribbon around his neck, making sure that his necklaces aren’t twisted around each other, as he rides the elevator up to the sixteenth floor, where Sugar sits. It’s a Thursday night, and the bar is not quite full, but it’s not quiet either. There are all sorts of people, human and vampire, sitting around their tables illuminated by the purposefully dimmed purple tinted lights, lounging in the comfort their wealth provides them, talking and laughing and drinking. In this bar, it’s easy to tell who’s a human and who’s a vampire. All one needs to do is look at what they’re drinking. 

Hands in the pockets of his suit pants, Yoongi strolls in like he belongs there, surreptitiously looking around at the people enjoying the bar. His stomach drops and his heart clenches. Dohyun isn’t here. Neither is Jiwoo, or Yerim, for that matter - for no matter how much he doesn’t particularly want to meet them tonight, he would take them over no one without a single second thought. He almost turns and walks right back out, but he takes a deep, calming breath. You’re already here. Might as well have a drink. Spend some of that money you earned earlier tonight. Celebrate your anniversary. The last thought comes dripping with sarcasm, but nonetheless, Yoongi goes to the bar, and takes an empty seat on the end. He pulls out his wallet as one of the baristas walks over, and Yoongi orders a glass of Ardbeg, and hands over a yellow, hundred thousand won bill. She brings back his change, and he puts his wallet away again, and sits back, crossing his legs, and takes a sip of his whisky. He savors the taste, his eyes sliding shut as he holds the smokey, amber liquor in his mouth. He swallows it and exhales a sigh. 

Someone sits down in the chair beside him, and he pays them no mind at first. He stares at the wood grain of the bar top, absently swirling his glass, and listens as the man, whose voice is deep, almost deeper than Yoongi’s own, orders a glass of O neg. A vampire, then, Yoongi thinks absently, thinking nothing of it. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” the vampire says, and still Yoongi pays him no mind, assuming he’s speaking to someone on his other side. A little curious, and with nothing better to do, Yoongi looks up, just enough to see. He intends to watch the vampire’s interaction with whomever he’s speaking to, but when he takes in the face of the man sitting beside him he freezes, his breath stopping. 

It’s him. That vampire, from the club back in November. The one who watched Yoongi dance and dance and dance. The one Yoongi’s seen again and again in clubs in Itaewon, but who never approached him. After the third time Yoongi saw him with no interaction between them, he started feeling stubborn. He didn’t want to be the one to approach first. He is the one who gets approached, not the other way around. At least, Kitten doesn’t approach people. Kitten is pursued. Yoongi has no idea anymore what Yoongi would do in the situation, so he fell back on what he did know. He didn’t go up to the gorgeous vampire, even though he wanted to. He made it his mission to entice the man to approach him first, and yet he never did. 

But he’s here, now, and he approached Yoongi for the first time. Yoongi stares at him for perhaps a moment too long, because the man’s charming smile falters, and fades just a little. “Ah, I’m intruding,” he says, his voice softer, and a little higher. “I’m sorry.” He turns to sit straight on his chair, gripping the stem of his cocktail glass delicately between his long fingers. Yoongi continues to stare, now dumbstruck. He’s never had someone approach him, and not simply taken what they want, not assumed Yoongi was good with whatever they wanted from him. His lips part, his eyes wide. The vampire takes a small sip of his drink, and then tenses, sitting forward like he’s about to stand, and Yoongi reacts. 

He reaches out, and gently places his hand on the vampire’s forearm. “No. No, I’m sorry. You’re not intruding. I-” Yoongi stops, and stares into the vampire’s eyes. “I was just surprised,” he finishes, immediately slipping into Kitten’s voice and countenance, a reflex, meant to protect him. To protect Yoongi from whatever it is he’s about to do. He smiles, his thumb caressing the vampire’s arm where it lies, taking in the expensive fabric of his suit. 

“Okay,” the vampire says quietly, a small smile spreading across his lips. Yoongi can’t look away from his eyes, the way they crinkle slightly at the sides when he smiles, creased from years of smiling when he was still human. Vampire bodies don’t change, they freeze however they were when they Changed, and those tiny wrinkles at the sides of this vampire’s eyes tell Yoongi that he had a happy human life. He wonders how long ago he was Changed, whether it was his choice or not. It so rarely is. The vampire looks down where Yoongi’s hand is still resting on his forearm, and he reaches over with his other hand and gently, almost tentatively covers Yoongi’s fingers. “So, what brings you across the river this evening? I usually see you in Itaewon.”

“Oh, so you do see me?” Yoongi teases, and the vampire’s smile widens just a hair. 

“How could I not? You’re breathtaking.”

Yoongi has to suppress a snort and an eye roll. He is not breathtaking, he knows he looks disgusting. “Well, I wasn’t sure,” he pouts. “You never came to say hi.”

“You always looked like you were having so much fun, I didn’t want to cut in,” the vampire says, his voice low, leaning ever so slightly closer to Yoongi. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Why I’m in Gangnam tonight?” Yoongi’s at the height of his acting ability, playing up the coy facade with ease. The vampire nods, either playing along or eating it up, Yoongi can’t tell but it doesn’t matter in the end. “Ah, I’m… celebrating.” He picks up his glass, lifts it toward the vampire who removes his hand from Yoongi’s to reach for his drink. They gently tap their glasses together, and Yoongi takes the opportunity to pull his hand off of the vampire’s arm. They drink, and when Yoongi puts his glass down his hand tremors. He pulls his hand into his lap, closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath. His hand stops tremoring, fading instead to the shakiness Yoongi’s grown so used to now. 

“Celebrating what?” the vampire asks, and Yoongi opens his eyes again, taking in the way he’s still staring. He must have seen Yoongi’s little moment, but he’s polite enough to not comment on it. Yoongi slips right back into playful, smirking at him, and reaching for his glass again. There’s only a little more than a mouthful left, so Yoongi throws it back, swallowing it all down in one go. The vampire smiles, taking the hint. Yoongi’s not going to tell him what he’s celebrating. Even if he weren’t playing a game, he wouldn’t tell this vampire. This stranger. I’m celebrating one year of my addiction, and the fact that it hasn’t killed me. Yet. Yeah. That would go over well. 

“So,” Yoongi says, resting an elbow on the bar, and turning his body slightly so he’s angled toward the vampire. “What’s your name?”

“Kim Taehyung,” he says, and Yoongi watches, surprised, as he holds up his hand to shake. Yoongi takes it, his grip loose, staring at the way Taehyung gently grips his fingers. His eyes widen as Taehyung brings their clasped hands up, and stares into his eyes as he presses a gentle, brief kiss to his knuckles. Yoongi’s heart skips a beat, and his breath hitches. He doesn’t know if it’s because his body is sick and barely hanging on, or because of the way Taehyung’s gaze bores into his, as his lips linger on the pale skin of Yoongi’s knuckles for just a moment before he pulls away again. “And your name?” he asks, his deep voice still soft. 

Yoongi doesn’t know what possesses him, if it’s the lingering feeling of Taehyung’s lips on his knuckles, the look in his eyes, or the soft, intimate way he asked, but when Yoongi opens his mouth to say Kitten, he says, “Yoongi.”

“Yoongi,” Taehyung repeats, his eyes crinkling again with the way he smiles as he says Yoongi’s name, and it’s like he’s hearing it for the first time. He never gives out his real name. Never. It’s not safe, not with what he does. And yet, he doesn’t panic, doesn’t feel the urge to flee. “That’s a beautiful name. It suits you.”

“I-” Yoongi stops, his eyes wide as he feels his cheeks turning pink. “I don’t know about that,” he says, finally tearing his eyes away from Taehyung’s to look down at the bar top. But only a heartbeat later, his gaze is drawn back to Taehyung’s, like he’s under a spell. Why is this vampire affecting me like this? he thinks, bewildered. “You- You can’t know what suits me, you don’t know me.”

“Would you let me?” Taehyung asks. 

“What?” Yoongi breathes. 

“Let me know you. Believe me, Yoongi, I wanted to approach you all those times in the clubs. But, it didn’t feel like the right place to meet you for the first time.”

“And this is?” Yoongi asks, beginning to feel vulnerable in a way he does not particularly like. 

“I think so.”

Yoongi stares into Taehyung’s eyes for a prolonged, suspended moment. Confusion twists in his chest as his heart jumps in an irregular rhythm. He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t deny the pull he feels toward this vampire, but… it would never work. Yoongi can’t have that. 

But the way Taehyung smiles at him makes him feel seen. It makes him feel good, and desirable. Yoongi is no stranger to feeling desired, but there’s always something expected of him. Something he’s expected to do in return for the attention bestowed on him. So far, Taehyung hasn’t given Yoongi any indication that he wants something from him - no wandering hands or eyes, no salacious smiles or licking of lips. The only thing Taehyung asked for was Yoongi’s name. And in giving it to him, Yoongi’s already given Taehyung much more than he’s given anyone else. 

Yoongi has no idea how anything good could possibly come of it. It won’t end well. But then again, nothing is going to end well, not on the path Yoongi is on. So… perhaps he could enjoy himself a little. A little light in the perpetual dark he’s been living in for a year now. He lets go of Kitten, and his expression shifts into the unsure, nervous countenance of Yoongi, but he smiles and Taehyung’s eyes seem to sparkle. He nods. “Yes, you can know me.”

Chapter Text

I felt like a monster in a church, trying to hide from the pain I bring
My visceral urges, getting worse, looking for a sign somewhere I missed
…
I wasn't a monster and this ain't a church, you can't trust the blind to keep you clean
I saw my future from a hearse, that wasn't the life meant for me

Because the hole deep within me kept growing and poisoning my blood
Then in that moment alone in the dirt, I understood

A Vampire’s Guide to Courting a Potential Familiar

By: Noh Ryeowon

First written and published in Busan, South Korea in 1972

In years past, especially in the centuries before we made ourselves known to Humankind, having a familiar was a rarity. It came with negative consequences which most vampires felt outweighed the benefits. It is an unfortunate fact, one which many of us remember, that oftentimes vampires had to coerce a human into being their familiar with promises of one day Changing them. If that was a part of your past, you need not feel guilty. That is simply how our lives were back then. 

But now, in today’s modern age we are out in the open, and humans have accepted us with open arms. Now, a familiar is a partner, a human with whom we can build a relationship of trust with mutual benefits. The World Vampire Council has worked with the World Health Organization to create a set of guidelines to protect our precious familiars’ health, and our great Korean Government, as well as those governments in countless other countries in the world, have set up benefits our familiars are entitled to when we register together. Humans are entitled to free healthcare, as well as a stipend to help them better take care of themselves while they are taking care of us. Our reciprocity is key in this relationship, as the human puts themselves and their health and wellbeing in our care. We must take care of our familiars, and show them how much we appreciate the gift they give to us. The relationship between a vampire and their familiar should be a sacred one. It means security for both parties, it means we do not need to worry about where our next meal will come from, or how to afford to feed ourselves in today’s modern, competitive economy. 

So now the question on everyone’s mind: how can I go about getting a human to agree to be my familiar? 

Fear not! I have done extensive research on this topic, as well as spoken to countless vampire/human pairs to find out just how it was that they got to where they are, and how you can replicate it. I’ve compiled my research here for you in one easy-to-follow list, and the rest of this book will go into much deeper detail, with real life examples to help you come up with a plan to woo your own familiar. Now, without further ado: 

• Get to know your familiar: This is a courtship. When we go out and feed from just anyone, there is a level of anonymity, or detachment that comes with it. But as I stated before, your familiar is your partner. This is the person who is giving you their lifeblood, and with whom you are in a monogamous relationship. A familiar is special, and must be treated as such. So, get to know your human. Take them out to a nice restaurant and buy their meal - show them that you can provide for them. Show them that you care about them as a person, and not just a source of blood. It also helps if you do genuinely like your familiar, and getting to know them before you enter into this relationship will help you determine if they’re right for you, and vice versa. 

• Feed your familiar: Like I said in number 1, providing food for your familiar is a fantastic way to show that you care about them and their needs - you might not always remember, but humans need to eat regularly! We are lucky in that we only need to feed once every few weeks, but humans need to eat near constantly, and it’s just as uncomfortable for them to be hungry as it is for us. So if you want to endear yourself to your potential familiar, give them their favorite foods. Taking an interest in what your potential human eats is also a good idea because what they eat is just as important as how often they eat. If your human eats unhealthy foods only then their bodies will be unhealthy, and they will not function properly, and thus will be detrimental to you. So, make sure that your familiar eats healthy foods, and woo your potential familiar through their stomachs. 

• Cherish your familiar: If things go well, you will be with your familiar for the rest of their lives. Treat them with love and respect. This extends all the way to the beginning - before they’re your familiar, they’re just a human going about their lives. So it is your job to show them that you are someone with whom they can have fun, feel safe, and be loved. For you must love your familiar. They need to become a part of your Coven, and a part of your family. So, you must be kind, and solicitous. Give your potential familiar gifts, hold the door for them, feed them the foods they like. Take them to beautiful places. Show them your home and welcome them into it. They’re your partner! So you must treat them like it. 

• Protect your familiar: This is perhaps the most important step. Unfortunately, just as there are many bad vampires among us, there are many bad humans as well. Your job as their familiar will be to protect them from the world. Shelter them from the people, vampire or human, who would do them harm. However, be cautious: if your potential familiar is a man, they may not respond as well to this step as a human woman might. But that does not mean that you shouldn’t still show them that you are in their corner, and willing to do anything to keep them safe. 

These four steps will help you to woo your potential familiar, and give you guidelines as to how to treat them during the rest of your relationship. Please continue through this book for a much deeper dive into past and current vampire/familiar relationships that are working well, as well as some that did not work so well, and I will dissect just why these partnerships worked or did not work… 

Taehyung drives slowly through the brightly lit night. Sometimes he thinks about what this city looked like when he was still human, and can hardly believe that he still lives in the same place. When Taehyung was born, there was one Korea. There was a king who lived in Changdeokgung, and Seoul was called Hanseong. When it was surrounded by a fortress wall, to protect the people inside her from thieves and tigers and invading entities from outside. Taehyung watched that wall fall over the many years of his life. He watched as Hanseong became Seoul, and Korea became an empire. He watched as Seoul opened its gates and let in outsiders, turning away from the intensely traditional way of life toward a more modern one. He watched it grow and grow, becoming the sprawling metropolis it is today, and he watched it begin to grow up when there was no longer room to grow out. He, like his fellow vampires, watched as war broke out, and his home was once again threatened by invading entities. He watched as Vampire Councils the world over fought and argued about what to do about the war brewing. Many supported taking a passive role, as they did in the Great War, but many more could not sit aside and watch the humans slaughter each other as they did in the early 20th century. Taehyung supported making themselves known, along with the rest of his Coven, and together they were a part of the movement which changed all of their existences forever. 

Now, Taehyung drives his expensive car through the neon streets with a smile on his face. He’s excited. He taps his steering wheel in time with the music streaming from the radio as he waits for the red light to change, and as soon as it does, he’s once again zooming through the nighttime streets. He reaches his destination, a tall, shiny and new building in the heart of Gangnam, and makes his way into the underground parking lot. He stops in a visitor’s space, and exits the vehicle gracefully. He locks his car as he walks toward the door which will lead him inside. He spends the whole elevator ride up to the top floor smiling, and once the doors open he can’t help the slight spring in his step as he approaches the penthouse door. He types in the code and sweeps inside. 

“Honey, I’m home!” he sings at the top of his lungs, sliding off his Gucci slippers and gliding through the entryway into the spacious living room. The whole apartment is dripping in luxury, all sleek modern lines, with beautiful lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling. Along the far wall, there are floor-to-ceiling windows which show the beautiful, glittering cityscape below. There is a large, wide L-shaped couch, with another matching loveseat across from it in the middle of the room, and lounging around them is Taehyung’s Coven. 

“Hi Tae!” Jimin says, springing to his feet, his voice gone high-pitched in his excitement. He leaps over the couch and slams into Taehyung’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Taehyung laughs at his best friend’s enthusiasm, and hugs him back just as tightly. The others stand as well, and as soon as Taehyung can coax Jimin off of him, they take their turns greeting him, a little more sedately, but no less loving. 

“Come sit, come sit,” Namjoon says, corralling the five of them back to the couches. Taehyung holds Jimin’s hand as he clings to him, and together they go to sit on the loveseat. Jeongguk joins them, while Hoseok, Seokjin, and Namjoon sprawl out over the sofa. Namjoon sighs out, a smile spreading across his face, showing off his fangs. “It’s so nice to have everyone together again!” he exclaims, and they all chorus their agreement. Taehyung looks around at everyone, unable to wipe the smile off his face. 

“How have you all been?” Seokjin says, sitting forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “I feel like I never leave the hospital these days, I don’t even know what’s going on in the world.”

“That’s because you don’t leave the hospital,” Namjoon says, smirking. 

“Neither do you,” Seokjin shoots back, his shoulders bouncing as he laughs. 

“Have you had any interesting surgeries lately?” Jeongguk asks, and both Namjoon and Seokjin launch into stories of their respective impressive surgeries. 

“... the carotid blew and blood was spraying everywhere, and one of the stupid interns had the audacity to question my ability to continue the surgery,” Namjoon says, sitting back with one arm thrown over the back of the couch. He shakes his head, frowning slightly. “When will those idiots learn that we’re not animals with no self control?”

“Interns are the animals,” Seokjin quips. 

“I hope you threatened to eat him,” Jimin says. Taehyung and Jeongguk both snort, and dissolve into laughter while Seokjin smirks. Namjoon and Hoseok don’t look as amused, though. 

“That would be doing the exact opposite from what we want, Jiminie, and you know it,” Hoseok says sternly. Namjoon puts his hand on his shoulder. 

“No, I did not threaten to eat him, but I did remind him that I am an attending with almost a hundred years of surgical experience, and several hundred years of medical experience, while he is little more than a child. I told him that I have been a highly respected surgeon since before his parents were born, and then kicked him out of my OR.” Taehyung laughs through his nose once again, though it fades as his mind casts back and back, remembering how difficult it was for both Namjoon and Seokjin, who became surgeons before vampires made themselves known to humanity. They were both healers when they were humans. Namjoon is the oldest of them all, at nearly eight hundred, and Seokjin only two years ago surpassed six hundred thirty. Taehyung remembers the night they called a Coven meeting, and informed the others that they were planning on attending human medical school, and working toward becoming surgeons. 

“Are you insane?” they all cried. “How will you avoid the sun? And what about all the blood?” But they made it work, somehow, and they put their centuries and centuries of medical knowledge to good use, rose in the ranks, and became two of the foremost surgeons - Namjoon neuro, and Seokjin orthopedics - the world has ever seen. Then the decision was made to tell the humans what they were, and they were both cast out unceremoniously, as if they were nothing. 

It took twenty more years after that night for the humans to accept that not only were there vampires working in the hospital, but that they’d been doing so for decades without a single incident before the humans knew what they were. The World Vampire Council worked very hard to help both Namjoon and Seokjin, as well as other vampire doctors and healthcare professionals the world around get their jobs back, and fight against the hatred and discrimination. It’s been a long road, and clearly things still aren’t perfect. But they’re better. Asan Medical Center, Seoul’s foremost hospital, has taken great strides to help support Namjoon and Seokjin, as well as the four other vampires they employ in various departments. The windows are fitted with UV protection, so that the vampires can walk around during the day and continue to save lives and do their jobs without having to worry about being burnt. It’s much more than many, many other businesses have done for their vampiric employees. There is still the ever-present worry amongst many of the human employees about vampires working amongst so much blood. But Namjoon and Seokjin, being as old as they are, have immaculate control. They each feed once a week, even though they don’t need that much blood anymore, because it keeps them strong and clear-headed. So, in Seokjin’s words, they can go suck a dick. 

“Jeonggukie,” Jimin says a bit later, turning and looking at their youngest around Taehyung. “You’ve been busy these days.” All attention turns to Jeongguk and his smile turns a little shy. 

“Yeah. People are really liking this comeback.”

“Don’t be modest,” Hoseok teases. “We know you’re number one in like a hundred countries.” Jeongguk’s shy smile turns just the slightest bit pleased. “I caught up on Run JK last night. I’d been so busy with the bank that I fell behind, but it was so funny. I especially loved the episode where they had you doing increasingly more difficult obstacle courses.” The whole Coven laughs with Hoseok, and if it were possible, Taehyung knows Jeongguk would be blushing. 

“That was pretty fun. Especially when they made me do it blindfolded. Easy peasy.” 

“Your newest music video was a little scandalous,” Jimin teases, and Jeongguk rolls his eyes. 

“I thought you looked exceptional,” Taehyung adds, pinching Jimin’s shoulder. He yelps and swats at him, but then settles back against him. It feels good to have him so close. His best friend from the cradle. His Maker. They’ve always been together, and they’ll always be together. 

They continue to talk about their lives, catching each other up. They see Hoseok a bit more often than they see the others, considering he owns the blood bank they each get their blood from, but he still has stories to tell them. Jimin talks about the fashion magazine he edits, and touches a little on his side job - though he doesn’t go into much detail, to spare the elders’ more old fashioned sensibilities. Jimin moonlights as a camboy, and it’s something that their Coven leader really doesn’t like. But Jimin is a force of nature, who cannot be stopped, and so Namjoon deals with it the only way he can: denial. 

Finally the attention turns to Taehyung, who’s always content to sit back and simply enjoy being with his Coven. He fills them in on the happenings of his job. Taehyung has had a hundred and one different careers in his almost three hundred years, and his current venture is interior design. He enjoys it, and he’s good at it, so much so that he’s become one of the top designers in Seoul, if not the whole of Korea. He tells them about the picky clients he’s had to deal with, and the highly questionable design ideas they bring with them. But when he’s run out of anecdotes from work, he can finally get to the subject he really wants to bring up with his family. 

“I met someone,” he says softly, with a shy smile spreading across his lips. Immediately the whole Coven sits up straighter, and Jimin whacks his leg hard in his surprise. 

“What?” he shrieks. “When? Why didn’t you tell me immediately?” 

“I’m sorry, Jiminie, I just wanted to wait until I could tell everyone at the same time.”

“Well?” Namjoon says, his wide smile showing his fangs. His eyes sparkle with excitement on Taehyung’s behalf, and it fills him with warmth. “Who are they?”

“He’s a human,” Taehyung starts. “His name is Yoongi. I’ve seen him around here and there at different clubs, and he’s always given me the look, like he wanted me to join him on the dance floor, but I never went. I don’t know exactly why, but I just… I get this feeling when I see him, ever since the first time I laid eyes on him. He feels… special. He’s beautiful, if a bit scrawny for a human, but that’s okay I can take care of him-” He cuts himself off. You’re getting ahead of yourself, Tae. 

“Do you think you want him to be your familiar?” Seokjin prods gently, his smile no less excited than Namjoon’s. 

Taehyung nods. “I think I want to try to pursue that. I’m nervous, because it’s been a long time since I had a familiar… and last time didn’t work out the way I’d hoped. But… there’s just something about him.”

“Tae-hyung, that’s great!” Jeongguk says, throwing his arms around Taehyung’s shoulders, dislodging Jimin in the process, and pulling him into a tight embrace. The others on the other couch echo Jeongguk’s sentiment, but amongst all of their excitement, Jimin’s silence is deafening. 

Taehyung turns his whole body on the couch so he can look at his best friend. “What are you thinking, Jimin-ah?” Jimin, who had been looking down at his lap, looks up at Taehyung, his brow furrowed slightly, and the corners of his lips pulled slightly down in a frown. 

“Are you sure, Tae?” he asks softly, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. Something jumps in Taehyung’s stomach, something akin to irritation, and it surprises him enough that that feeling goes away. 

“What do you mean?”

“It just… worries me a little. Because I know you, and you feel so deeply. And humans… they’re fleeting. They’re born and die in no time at all, and I’m worried you’ll get too attached and it’ll devastate you when he dies.”

“Jimin-ah, that’s not very fair,” Namjoon says, his tone stern. Jimin’s eyes flick over to Namjoon and then back, but Taehyung’s never leave Jimin’s even for a moment. 

“So I should just continue on how things have been, and save myself the trouble, is that what you’re saying?”

“No- I-”

“Because if you think that abstaining from taking on a familiar will save me from pain, then you’re wrong, and I would have hoped you’d know me better than that by now. I’m so lonely, Jimin-ah. I love this modern world we all live in, and I love that we have so many opportunities now that we never thought we’d have, but I never get to see my Coven anymore. We’re all too busy. And my friends outside the Coven are also too busy. I spend my nights working, and I go home in the morning and sleep all day, and wake up the next sunset just to do it all over again. I go to clubs sometimes and have a drink and maybe dance, but unless I wanted to take some random stranger home for the night, I leave just as I arrived, alone. And I don’t want some stranger. I want someone I know, who knows me. I want a relationship. And if all I can have is the bond I would have with a familiar, then that’s enough for me.” Taehyung stops speaking for a long moment, and the silence from the rest of his Coven stretches thin and tight. Taehyung exhales harshly, reaching up and running a hand through his hair, irritated. Jimin’s looking away from him now, and so Taehyung reaches out and gently places his fingers under his chin, turning him back to look at him once again. “I know you want to protect me, and you just want me to be happy. But I’m not happy right now, Jiminie. And I can’t ask any of you to change your lives just because I’m a little lonely. So this is something I can do for me. And yes, it will hurt when he dies - if he even agrees to be my familiar in the first place - but that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy before that happens, right?”

Jimin’s bottom lip sticks out slightly as he pouts up at him. He shakes his head gently. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry, Taehyungie.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I feel like I’m being a bad Maker.” Jimin’s voice is so soft, Taehyung wouldn’t have heard him had he not had his vampiric hearing abilities. 

“What?” Taehyung cries, throwing himself forward to hug Jimin tightly. “You’re here, and you love me, and that’s all you need to do to be a good Maker,” he says into Jimin’s hair. 

“Taehyung’s right, Jimin-ah,” Seokjin says. “You know just as well as I do that not many vampires have the privilege of having their Makers stay with them, as you did with Taehyungie. Hoseokie and I are lucky that we have Namjoon after he Made us. But Namjoon, Jeonggukie, and you yourself can’t say the same thing. So please never doubt that you’re continuing to do your job as Taehyung’s Maker.”

“Seokjin is right,” Namjoon says softly. “And Taehyungie, you have my full support to court this human.” His mouth pops open with an excited oh! “Wait, I have something that might help.” He races out of the room, but then walks back in a moment later, a book in his hands. 

“Oh my god, is that what I think it is?” Hoseok groans. Namjoon’s smile is satisfied, and he holds out the book. Taehyung takes it, snorting when he sees the title. A Vampire’s Guide to Courting a Potential Familiar. By: Noh Ryeowon. 

“You’re kidding, right?” he asks, smiling at Namjoon, whose expression morphs into one of confusion. 

“What?”

“This book came out in the 70s,” Taehyung says, trying to suppress a laugh.

“So?”

“So things have changed quite a bit since then, you old geezer,” Seokjin snorts. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Namjoon says, nodding decisively. “Humans haven’t changed that much since the 70s.”

“Hyung, they’ve changed a whole lot. You should spend a little less time in the OR and a little more time out in the world,” Jeongguk says, before laughing loudly, delighted. 

“That book is mostly all propaganda anyway, Joon-hyung, you forget that I know Noh Ryeowon, and she’s a vapid self-important guru-wannabe,” Seokjin says, and Namjoon sits back down on the couch, his brows furrowed in confusion, and it’s so adorable that Taehyung can’t do anything but hug the book close to his chest. 

“Thank you, hyung. I’ll read it, and see what kind of advice I can get from it. There’s gotta be something good in here, right?” Namjoon’s face relaxes, and his smile returns. 

“So, what else can you tell us about- what’s his name again?” Hoseok asks. 

“Yoongi. He didn’t give me his family name, but I’m sure I’ll get it soon. And… I don’t know a lot yet. I went to that bar that Jimin likes, Sugar, and he walked in, alone, and sat down at the bar. So I went over and introduced myself, and he teased me about not approaching him at the clubs when I saw him there. I admit, I might have been a bit cheesy, but I told him the truth, that it didn’t feel like the right time. And then we talked for hours. We talked about politics, and pop culture, and history. But we didn’t really venture into personal territory. I’m not worried, though. We’ll hopefully have plenty of time to get to know each other much better. I asked him to dinner tomorrow night.”

“That’s good!” Namjoon says, clapping his hands together. “In the book, she says that the best way to get a familiar is to feed them. Humans really like food,” he says, nodding, as if what he’s saying is the wisest advice, and not absolute common sense, and Taehyung can’t help the laugh that bursts from his chest. “What?” Namjoon cries. 

“Hyung, you’re so right,” Jimin says through his giggles. “Humans do like food.”

“Oh stop it, you know it’s hard for me to remember what it’s like being a human. It’ll be hard for you too when you’re almost eight hundred,” Namjoon snaps, but there’s no bite to it. Taehyung smiles broadly, still chuckling, and he’s glad to find that any negative emotion from his confession to Jimin earlier has faded away, leaving only contentment, and a low buzz of excitement. 

Because they’re all so busy, it’s hard to get the Coven together more than perhaps once a month, so when they can get together they spend the whole night together in Namjoon and Seokjin’s penthouse, talking and laughing, reminiscing and simply enjoying each other’s company. They’ve been together for so long now that it’s easy to forget that any time has passed between their nights together at all, but inevitably, the sun will rise, and they each go their separate ways, back to their own homes. They used to live together, in one nest, but as opportunities opened up throughout the last eighty or so years, they decided to venture out, and see what it would be like to live independently. Taehyung’s own apartment is quite a bit smaller than the two eldest’s penthouse, but it’s beautifully decorated - Taehyung’s doing - and came equipped with sun shades already installed. During the day, Taehyung’s bedroom becomes an impenetrable dark fortress, especially with the thick curtains covering the top of his canopy bed, and falling to the floor on all sides. The rest of his apartment is bright and open. Taehyung keeps various plants in and around his living room and kitchen - which has never once seen use in the three decades Taehyung’s lived there - and so during the day they get the sun they need to thrive, and at night Taehyung can enjoy their beauty in the pale moonlight. His home is one of his happy places. 

But no matter how much he loves his home, he’s always a little sad to return to it after a night with his Coven. It’s quiet, and empty, and as he steps inside, removing his shoes and coat, he can’t help but think about what it might be like once he has a familiar. Years and years ago, it was common practice for familiars to move in with their vampire patrons, but nowadays, things are a lot less formal. Familiars are still independent people, unbeholden to their vampires so long as they continue to take care of themselves when they’re not together. But Taehyung wonders if he couldn’t convince Yoongi to move in with him. He smiles as he moves from one of his plants to the next, checking them each to see if they need water, and thinks about coming home to a house that isn’t empty and quiet. Coming home to someone who will smile and greet him. 

One of his hanging vines feels a little dry, so Taehyung takes it to the kitchen. He pulls the pot out of its tied-rope hanger, and places it in the sink. He turns on the water for just a moment, careful not to give it too much. He frowns. “Taehyung-ah,” he chastises himself. “Again, you’re getting ahead of yourself.” He sighs softly. He needs to be cautious. He saw something in Yoongi’s eyes at the bar last night. It looked a little like fear. His hands shook the whole time they talked, and while that could have just been how he is, Taehyung couldn’t help but think about how careful he needs to be with him. Humans are fragile, and some are more so than others. Taehyung thinks that this human might just be particularly fragile, and so Taehyung needs to be careful and gentle. The last thing he wants to do is scare him away before Taehyung’s had the chance to know him. 

He finishes checking his plants, and then goes about his pre-sleep routine. He takes a shower, and washes his face. He brushes his teeth, because while his teeth don’t decay like a human’s might, they still stain, and although his mouth doesn’t create or react to bacteria the way a human’s might, he still likes the feeling and taste of fresh, minty clean teeth. Just so long as he’s careful not to swallow any toothpaste or water… That’s never fun. 

He makes sure his body is completely dry before walking back into his bedroom. The rest of the apartment is beginning to fill with the dim, muted light of early dawn, but in the bedroom pitch blackness reigns. Taehyung can see perfectly, even after he closes the door and envelops himself in the inky darkness. It’s comforting, in a way. It reminds him of a time long ago, before the electric light lit up the night. When the only illumination they had in the nighttime was fire and the moon. Back when you could still see the stars in the sky, something Taehyung hasn’t seen in Seoul in a long time. From time to time, he’ll drive out into the countryside in the middle of nowhere and lie on the hood of his car, just so he can see those stars again. But the more populated, and more crowded Korea becomes, the brighter it gets, and makes stargazing a lot harder. 

He crawls naked into his plush, king sized bed, pulling the curtains closed and burrowing himself under his soft blankets. He arranges himself comfortably and lies there for a few moments, a small smile adorning his lips as he thinks about tomorrow evening. He’d set his phone on the pillow beside him, and he picks it up, double checking his alarms are set, and puts it back down. He doesn’t need the alarms, because he wakes up the moment the sun rises every night. But sometimes he likes to lie there for a while and just think, and time very easily gets away from him, especially when he has nothing to do. But he has something to do tomorrow. He wants to stay awake for a little longer and think about what dinner with Yoongi will be like in the evening, but the sun’s rising - so easy to ignore when up and about, but which is nearly irresistible when lying in darkness - starts to tug at him. He reaches over, through the small slit in his curtains and turns off his lamp, and the moment he lies his head back down in the darkness, he slips into sleep. 

Taehyung arrives at the restaurant in Banpo-dong at seven pm sharp. The restaurant he chose, Flavors, is supposed to be one of the best buffets in Seoul. Taehyung asked Yoongi what he liked to eat, and he said ‘anything’, so Taehyung decided a buffet would be best - that way he could quite literally have ‘anything’. He quickly searched up buffets in Seoul, found Flavors, and made a reservation right then. He asked Yoongi if he could pick him up and drive him to the restaurant, but the other man refused, preferring instead to meet him there. Taehyung understands. He clearly doesn’t fear vampires, considering Taehyung’s only ever seen him in integrated clubs and bars, but Taehyung is effectively still a stranger. It’s smart of him to be cautious, and Taehyung likes that. So, he suggested they meet at the restaurant instead, and he watched as Yoongi pinned the restaurant’s location in his phone. He wanted to exchange phone numbers as well, but he decided against it. Better to save that for a bit later, especially considering Yoongi’s caution.

Now, however, standing in the restaurant’s lobby and not seeing Yoongi, Taehyung wishes he had gotten his number. The hostess approaches him. “Good evening sir, how many?”

“Ah, I have a reservation for two under Kim Taehyung, but I’m still waiting for my companion.” She nods and bows, retreating back to the host’s station. The restaurant is beautiful, the decorations understated. Taehyung takes in the almost overwhelming food smells, and almost wishes he were human again and could enjoy them. After he and Yoongi parted ways two days ago, Taehyung did a little more research about the restaurant. Though most places are vampire-friendly these days, Taehyung has learned the hard way that a few of the fancier, more expensive places only cater to humans. But he found that this place does have blood, and serves it by the glass, for an exorbitant price. Taehyung had to laugh, finding the way human establishments markup the cost of blood, as if there’s anything they could have done to make it more ‘elevated’ the way they can with human food, to be ridiculous. Blood is blood. There’s nothing one can add to it to make it better, save perhaps making certain that it only comes from humans who are in the prime of their health. 

He makes himself stay calm for ten minutes before he allows himself to start worrying a little. Ten more minutes pass and Taehyung starts to worry that perhaps Yoongi got lost. Five more minutes pass, and he starts to think perhaps he’s being stood up. He goes to the hostess for the fifth time and apologizes. 

“Would you mind sitting, just to reserve the table, and when your companion arrives, we’ll escort them to you?” she asks. Taehyung opens his mouth to say that’s fine, when he hears quick footsteps behind him. He turns and relief shoots through his chest when he sees Yoongi. 

“I’m so sorry,” Yoongi says in a rush, stopping just beside him and placing his hand on Taehyung’s arm. “I had something earlier, and lost track of time and then I missed the bus. I’m sorry.” His words tumble out of his mouth, unable to keep up with how quickly he’s speaking. Taehyung takes him in in an instant. He’s wearing the same suit he was wearing two nights ago, with a blue turtle neck under it, and his hair is different. It’s been trimmed a bit, so it’s not hanging quite so far into his eyes, and he’s dyed his black roots so they match the platinum blond of the ends of his hair. His skin is flushed, and Taehyung guesses he ran here from whichever bus stop he arrived at. Curiously, his pupils are heavily dilated. Taehyung shoves the observation away, and smiles, reaching up to place his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder blade. 

“We’re ready to sit,” he tells the hostess, who smiles politely at them, and beckons them to follow her into the restaurant. It’s fairly busy, and Taehyung’s very happy with himself for remembering to make a reservation. People come and go from the dining area to the buffet, and Taehyung takes up the rear as Yoongi follows the hostess to their table by the window. The view is not exceptional, considering the restaurant is only on the second floor of the Marriott hotel in which it’s housed, but the interior very much makes up for it. Despite the impressive look of the restaurant, Taehyung cannot stop staring at Yoongi as he walks just a few steps ahead of him. His suit looks new, though Taehyung can tell it isn’t bespoke. It’s too big, clearly hanging off of Yoongi’s thin frame. He’s incredibly thin, but before he can stop himself Taehyung once again thinks, That’s okay, I can feed him, and make sure he gains a little weight. He looks at Yoongi’s hands, swinging gently at his sides as he walks, and notices that they don’t seem to be shaking. 

They arrive at their table, and the hostess bows and walks away as they sit. It appears that Yoongi’s guilt over his late arrival has passed, because he’s looking around, trying to take in everything all at once. There’s a hungry look in his eye, which makes sense considering it’s dinner time and they’re at a restaurant, but Taehyung can’t help but think it’s perhaps a bit more than that. He’s radiating energy, in stark contrast to the mellow countenance he had at Sugar just a few nights ago. Taehyung can’t help but feel curious, what’s different? 

“Wow, this place is nice, Taehyung-ssi,” Yoongi says, finally turning his gaze toward Taehyung, and he smiles in response. “You must be one of those rich, old vampires, huh?” Taehyung laughs, surprised at Yoongi’s bluntness. “Ah, I’m sorry, that was rude,” Yoongi says, wincing and looking down at the table. He unfolds his napkin, holding it above his lap for a moment, but ultimately sets it back down on the table.

“It’s fine,” Taehyung says, appeasing him, and reaching across the table to touch the tips of his fingers to Yoongi’s where they rest on top of his napkin. Yoongi freezes, looking down at where they touch, and then back up at Taehyung. “I’m not rich,” he says, omitting the fact that his Coven is quite rich. “But I’m not struggling either.”

“That’s what all rich people say,” Yoongi teases, a playful look sneaking into his eyes. 

“And I’m not old either. Well, I’m old, but I’m not old.” He smiles as Yoongi laughs, his whole face lighting up with it, his smile spreading across his face and showing off small teeth and pink gums. 

“How old are you? Or is that a rude question to ask a vampire?”

“I’m two hundred seventy-eight.”

“Funny, you don’t look a day over thirty.”

Taehyung gasps, feigning insult. “You take that back. I was twenty-five when I was Changed!” Yoongi laughs again, his shoulders bouncing with the force of it. 

“I’m sorry.” He leans forward, bowing his head deeply. “Hyungnim.”

“Hyung is fine,” Taehyung says softly, and when Yoongi picks his head back up, the playful look is still there, along with a fire in his eyes. He smiles. “Now, you’re probably hungry. Shall we peruse the buffet?” Yoongi nods vigorously, clearly excited, and shoots up from the table. Taehyung follows more gracefully. As he makes his way over to the food, Yoongi glances behind a few times, reassuring himself that Taehyung is still there. Taehyung follows leisurely as Yoongi grabs a plate and starts to make his way through the line of food. He doesn’t take much, but he does take at least a small portion of almost everything - little more than a bite each. “Yoongi, you can always come back for different things, you don’t have to try it all on the first go,” Taehyung says, laughing softly. Yoongi throws him a look over his shoulder, his eyes narrowing playfully. 

“How will I know what I want more of unless I take a little of everything, though?”

“You can come back as many times as you want, or at least, that’s my understanding of buffets.”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Yoongi says, shrugging as he scoops a dollop of mashed potatoes onto the center of his plate. “I’ve never been to one of these before.”

“Really?” Yoongi nods. 

“Too expensive,” he says quickly, before surging forward to reach where the plethora of meat is located. There’s a man behind the counter with long knives, cutting off pieces for the people moving through the line. Yoongi asks him for a piece of everything, and Taehyung stands close by, his hands in his pockets, watching from over Yoongi’s shoulder. He knows that buffets in Korea are usually fairly pricey, but he wonders at Yoongi never having been to one. It makes him even more curious about Yoongi’s life - and even more eager to make him his familiar, so that he never has to want for anything. Taehyung was being modest earlier, he is rich, on his own, in addition to having access to the Coven’s ample funds. He wants to spoil this tiny human rotten. 

Soon Yoongi’s plate is absolutely full. He stares at the rest of the buffet and then down at his plate. “Hold this, I need another plate,” he says, trying to hand Taehyung his plate. 

Taehyung laughs. “Let’s go eat and you can work through that, and then come back, how about that instead?” Yoongi purses his lips, furrowing his brow slightly, but then he looks back down at his plate and the hungry look in his eyes comes back and he turns to head back to their table. 

Once they sit, Taehyung looks around for one of the waiters roaming around. He locates one and raises a hand. “Yoongi, what would you like to drink?” 

He looks up, his mouth full of meat already, and chews rapidly so he can swallow and say, “Ardbeg.” Taehyung’s brow furrows slightly, and Yoongi laughs. “It’s whisky.” 

“Ah,” Taehyung says, and he turns to look at the waiter who’s just reached their table. “Good evening, a glass of Ardbeg for my companion, and a glass of O neg for myself.” The waiter bows, murmuring, right away sir, and scurries off. 

“Is O neg your favorite?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung turns back to him to find his gaze curious. He’s still sitting slightly hunched over the table, his knife and fork poised and ready to continue attacking his food, but he’s looking at Taehyung and not the food. Taehyung nods. 

“It is. I find it has the richest flavor.” 

Yoongi’s lips spread into a wide, though sly smile. Taehyung sits up just a little straighter, quirking a brow. “My blood type is O.” His voice is deep and quiet when he says this, and Taehyung cannot control the shiver that shoots down his spine, the way his senses perk up at Yoongi’s confession. He smirks at Taehyung for a moment longer, before going back to devouring his food. While waiting for his drink, Taehyung sits back, marveling at the man sitting across from him. He has so many questions about him. What does he do, where is he from, why does he like to dance in integrated clubs rather than the human-only clubs which are much more common. Why is he teasing Taehyung about his blood type, unless he wants Taehyung to bite him? And if that’s the case, then why? Taehyung knows that the bite is not necessarily a pleasant experience, which is why most vampires are unable to get blood fresh these days, and must resort to buying it at a blood bank. Why vampires who have a familiar must be so diligent in taking care of their human. 

Noh Ryeowon said in her book, because he did read the little part at the beginning where she summarized her steps, that he needs to get to know his potential familiar well before they make their relationship official, but also that he needs to feed his human to endear himself to him. So, he resigns himself to wait to talk to Yoongi after he’s eaten. The waiter arrives a few moments later with his glass of blood and Yoongi’s whisky, and while Yoongi simply picks his up and immediately takes a sip, Taehyung thanks the waiter. 

He brings the martini glass filled with blood up to his lips and takes a sip, closing his eyes as the taste of it blooms over his tongue. He puts the glass down, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth, gently swishing the warm liquid around his mouth, savoring the taste. It’s not fresh, that much is certain, but it’s warm the way it would be coming directly from the source, and it’s satisfying nonetheless. 

Taehyung opens his eyes again to find Yoongi watching him with an indecipherable look on his face. “You’re not… disgusted, by the blood?” he asks Yoongi, his voice soft. He thinks he knows the answer, but he must ask. Yoongi smiles, shaking his head. He uses his fork to stab a few green beans, but he hesitates before eating them. 

“No, hyung. I’m not.” He eats the bite off his fork, and continues looking at Taehyung as he chews. Taehyung watches his adam’s apple bob as he swallows a moment later. “I wouldn’t be on a date with a vampire if I couldn’t handle a little blood,” he says, teasing. 

“No, of course not.” 

Yoongi eats like he’s starved, and judging by just how small he is, Taehyung’s not so sure he’s not. He burns to ask the questions waiting on the tip of his tongue. But still, he holds back, contenting himself to simply watch Yoongi eat. He finishes his plate, and then finishes his drink. “I’m going in for round two,” he says, nodding decisively, his palms flat on the table. He stands, and Taehyung follows. “You don’t have to come, if you don’t want,” Yoongi says, hesitating, and for the first time tonight looking uncertain. 

“I want to,” Taehyung assures him, and Yoongi smiles again. This smile is a little different, however. It’s a little less… Taehyung doesn’t want to use the word manic, but that’s how Yoongi’s seemed much of the evening so far. This smile seems a bit more sedate, a bit more satisfied, and Taehyung likes it. He likes it a lot. 

They go back to the buffet, and Yoongi grabs a plate before heading straight for the area he left off on the last visit, beginning to load up his plate once again with a little of everything. Towards the end of the buffet there is sushi, and Yoongi takes one of each before hesitating and then taking a second piece of salmon nigiri. He glances at Taehyung and looks almost sheepish. “I like salmon,” he says, and Taehyung smiles widely. 

“Take another, then.” Yoongi considers this, and then does take a third piece. They reach the end of the dinner foods, and Yoongi eyes the desserts, hesitating again. 

“Nah, I’ll come back for dessert,” he says, almost to himself, and they return to the table. Yoongi’s previous plate was collected while they were gone, as well as his empty glass. As they sit he looks up at Taehyung with wide, almost beseeching eyes. “Can I have another whisky?” Just a little taken aback, Taehyung sputters for just a moment - highly attractive, Tae - and nods. 

“Of course. You can have whatever you want.” He flags down the waiter again, and orders a second glass of Ardbeg, before going back to watching Yoongi eat his dinner while he slowly sips his own meal. One glass normally isn’t enough to truly satisfy Taehyung’s thirst, but he fed just a few days ago, so he doesn’t need anything any more substantial for a while yet. Though many do feed more often simply because they can, unless they’re newborns, vampires don’t need to feed more than once every two weeks or so. 

“Do you miss eating food?” Yoongi asks a few quiet minutes later. He’s about halfway done with his second plate, and he’s starting to slow down a bit. Taehyung’s honestly unsure how he’s not absolutely bursting with how much he’s eaten. 

He purses his lips, considering Yoongi’s question. “Hmm, I think sometimes I might miss the act of eating. It’s satisfying, and food does taste good. But I don’t miss how often humans have to eat.” Yoongi grimaces, scrunching up his nose, and Taehyung thinks that if his heart still beat, it would have skipped. He’s so adorable. “I also do wish I could try a few things that didn’t exist when I was human.”

“Like what?”

“Hamburgers, for one. They look good, even if the smell does absolutely nothing for me anymore. And pizza. Humans seem to really enjoy pizza. And fried chicken. I hear humans talking about fried chicken and beer being a really good combination all the time, and I wish I could try it.”

“How has Korean food changed in the two- two-” He pauses, clearly trying to remember just how old Taehyung is. 

“Two hundred eighty-seven.”

“Two hundred eighty-seven years since you were a human?”

“Traditional Korean food hasn’t changed much, from what I can tell. We are a very traditional people, after all. A lot of things are very different, but some things are still the same, or similar from how they were when I was human.” 

“It’s fascinating to think about,” Yoongi replies, thoughtful. He sits up straight, stretching his back, and Taehyung notices then that he seems a lot calmer than he did when he first arrived. He no longer looks like he’s trying his best not to vibrate out of his skin. Taehyung wonders if the food coma he’s surely going to slip into has anything to do with that. “I mean, I think about how much Seoul, and Korea as a whole have changed since I was a kid. I can’t imagine how much it’s changed since you were born. Must have been… 1733?” 

“That’s some quick math,” Taehyung says, smirking. Yoongi returns it, his own smile vaguely smug. “But you’re right, Seoul is an entirely different world now. When I was born the Hanyangdoseong still stood around the city. Back then tigers still roamed in the wild,” he says, making his eyes wide, and Yoongi laughs. 

“I can’t even imagine that.”

“So, when were you born?” Taehyung asks, unable to stem his curiosity any longer. 

“I was born in 1993,” Yoongi says around a mouthful of rice. It’s endearing, in a way, that he doesn’t care about looking bad in front of Taehyung. He smiles, watching Yoongi swallow. 

“So that would make you…”

“Twenty-eight. At least in a few weeks. Not so fast on the math, Mr. Vampire.”

“I may be almost three hundred, but that doesn’t mean I’m automatically good at math,” Taehyung says, laughing and shaking his head. “Twenty-eight…” Taehyung nibbles on his bottom lip, gently worrying the skin with the tip of his right fang. 

“I can tell you’re just bursting to ask, so go ahead. I reserve the right to pass any questions, though,” Yoongi says, laughing, making an effort to sound light, almost flippant, but Taehyung sees something in his eyes that makes him think that there are perhaps some questions that Yoongi fears. 

“I guess I’ll start with, what do you do for a living? We didn’t really talk about anything personal the other night, and I’m curious.”

Yoongi chews his bite slowly, though he keeps eye contact with Taehyung. He swallows, and takes a deep breath. “Well, I went to school to study architecture,” he starts, his voice low. Taehyung can sense that something’s wrong, and the way Yoongi averts his gaze confirms it. “But I- I lost my job about ten months ago. Now I work in a chicken restaurant.” His brows furrow and he continues looking down at the table. 

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Taehyung says gently. “Things happen.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure,” Yoongi agrees sardonically. He clears his throat, stabbing at his food with his fork, but not bringing it up to his mouth. He brings his gaze back up. “What do you do?”

“I’m an interior designer,” Taehyung says quickly.

“That’s impressive.”

“Thank you.”

“Is that hard, as a vampire?”

“How so?”

“I- I just-” Yoongi stops, looking a bit flustered, a bit worried. 

“No, I’m not offended. I’m just curious what you think.”

“I just mean, a lot of people focus on what the interior design would look like in the daylight. Some rooms look a lot different in the daylight than in the night,” he explains quickly. Taehyung smiles. 

“That’s a good point,” he agrees. “If I work with clients who are concerned with that, I have a program on my computer that will take the nighttime pictures I’ve taken of the space and predict what it would look like in the sunlight. A lot of my clients are vampires, though, so they don’t have that concern.”

“That makes sense.” Yoongi takes a small bite, but then puts his fork down altogether. He chews slowly, and after he swallows he says, “Okay, what else do you want to know?”

Taehyung thinks for a moment, his eyes roaming over Yoongi’s face. His bone structure is delicate, preventing his face from looking gaunt, though his cheeks are thin, and his jaw sharp. His eyes are smudged beneath with dark shadows, betraying the fact that he regularly must not get enough sleep. Despite his thinness, his lips are full, and his nose is round. His white blond hair makes it look like he’s shining, tinged with an orangy glow from the light which also gives his skin a bit of extra color. Taehyung wishes he could know what Yoongi looks like under the sun. He imagines that under the moonlight, he’s gorgeous. 

He wants to know so many things, but again, he fears scaring him away with too much too soon. He can’t just say something like, “I’d like you to be my familiar.” It’s too quick. But he does feel bolstered by the fact that Yoongi called their evening a date. So he takes a quiet breath, and smiles. “Have you ever dated a vampire before?” Yoongi’s hesitant, almost cautious look morphs into a smirk, his eyes bright. He shakes his head. 

“No. I’m not really one for dating. At least, in the past,” he adds, his eyes flicking up to Taehyung from his half empty glass. “Do you want to date me?” Yoongi asks then, and his forwardness takes Taehyung by surprise. He looks cautious again, and the words come out with a slight edge to them. 

“I guess, in the interest of being forward, I do.”

“But… why?” Yoongi’s brow is furrowed, his mouth set in a frown. Taehyung tilts his head to the side. 

“To be honest, there’s just something about you. I know that sounds corny, and disingenuous. But it’s the truth. When I saw you at The Lantern for the first time, you looked so carefree, so happy. That’s why I didn’t approach you, I truly didn’t want to interrupt, but that’s what drew me to you. You had this smile on your face. And the times afterward when I saw you, it didn’t matter if you seemed as euphoric as you did that first night, or were a bit more mellow, there was still that draw I felt. And when I saw you alone at Sugar I knew that was my chance, that was the right time to come and meet you, and I like to think it really was, because it’s led to right now, when I can look at you and tell you all of this. I feel drawn to you, and now that I do know you a little better, I like who I’m getting to know. I’d like to know you more, and I’d be honored if you would consent to date me so I can have that chance.” 

Throughout his whole little speech, Yoongi stared at Taehyung with an indecipherable look on his face. Taehyung can only stare at him, and wait for him to speak. Yoongi slides his chair back abruptly and stands. “I’m going to get dessert,” he says. He takes a step back toward the buffet, and when Taehyung moves to stand as well Yoongi stops. “Please, just. I need a moment? I’ll be right back, I promise.” Taehyung takes in the pleading look in his eyes, and though it feels like his heart clenches - even if it’s dead and has been for almost three hundred years - he nods, forcing himself to smile. 

“Okay, I’ll be right here.” Yoongi stands there for just a moment longer, staring hard at him. Taehyung can tell that there’s a storm of thoughts blowing through him right then. He can see it in his eyes, and he feels for him. He’s just said that he doesn’t date much, and he’s never dated a vampire, and here Taehyung is laying it all out on the table. It probably seems like a lot. Yoongi leaves then, walking toward the buffet at a fast clip, and it strikes Taehyung, as he watches him walk away, that this is probably what scaring him away looks like. 

Taehyung finishes his glass of O neg in one large gulp. He uses his thumb to wipe the corner of his mouth, and then delicately licks off the drop he wiped away. He sets the glass down gently, trying to prevent it from making a sound. He looks up toward the buffet, but the dessert bar is on the far side, around the corner, so Yoongi is out of sight. Taehyung sits back, his gaze shifting back toward the table. He’s gone, he thinks, frowning. He’s surprised by how sad he feels about it. He knows he shouldn’t have expected anything different. He was being so careful earlier in the evening not to scare Yoongi off, not to be too much. 

Taehyung thinks back and back, all the way to his childhood. His mother and aunts would constantly chastise him for being too loud, too rambunctious, too much. His family was poor, but their reputation was good among the other villagers who lived around them. His parents were viewed as stalwart members of the community, and for Taehyung to be running around causing trouble with Jimin all the time… well, it reflected badly on his parents. “Taehyung be quiet! Taehyung be still! Taehyung don’t ask too many questions!” Those were the mantras he was forced to live by for the formative years of his life. It taught him to embody those traits that his family viewed as virtuous - to be a quiet, thoughtful, strong and steady man. It taught him to hold his questions for the opportune moment, and even though it’s been a very long time since he was last chastised by his eomeoni or imos he cannot forget their lessons, no matter how hard he tries. So as he sits at the table, empty glass in front of him, and an empty chair beyond that, he feels disappointed in himself. 

“Taehyung, you opened your big mouth too soon again,” he whispers to himself. He sits forward, resting his elbows on the table, and cannot stop himself from putting his face in his hands. He gives himself this moment to feel sad, to mourn the lost opportunity, and then he’ll pull it together, go pay, and go home for the night to his empty apartment. He sucks in a deep breath, and holds it for a moment, willing the pressure in his chest, the manifestation of sad because he cannot cry, to go away. 

He starts when the sound of a chair scraping on the hardwood across from him sounds, and he sits up. Yoongi, with a plate of desserts, has returned. He sits down. “Are you okay, hyung?” Yoongi asks, scooting his chair in, and replacing his napkin on his lap. Taehyung can’t help but stare with wide eyes for a moment. 

“I- Yes, I’m okay.” Yoongi eyes him for another long moment, blindly reaching for his fork. A waiter swoops by and takes Yoongi’s mostly empty dinner plate away, and he adjusts his dessert plate now that he has more room. “I honestly thought you were going to leave,” Taehyung admits softly. “That was a lot for me to throw at you all at once, and I’m sorry. You don’t have to decide anything tonight. Or any time soon, if you don’t want. I have nothing but time.” He closes his eyes for a moment, his mind screaming shut up!

When he opens them again, Yoongi is staring at him with a guarded, though vaguely hopeful, look. “Um,” he says. “I’ll be honest. I’m not really… a good person to date,” he says. Taehyung opens his mouth to protest, but Yoongi holds up a hand, silently asking for space to finish talking, and Taehyung gives it to him. “I don’t see what you see in me,” he says, as if he’s at a loss. “But… I feel it too,” he whispers. Hope ignites in Taehyung’s chest, but he tries to rein it in. “That… draw. I don’t know what it is, or why, but I’ve felt it ever since I first laid eyes on you. I wanted you to come over to me, at the clubs. I’m fatally stubborn, which is why I never approached you first, but I wanted you to. And when you did come talk to me at Sugar I felt it again. I- I’m-” He stops, exhaling harshly and looking down. “I’m really bad at this, and I have no idea what I’m doing. I just know that… there’s something here. I feel… I can usually trust my gut to tell me when a situation is bad, or when someone gives off bad vibes. I don’t always listen to that gut feeling, but right now? It’s not telling me that this is a bad situation. So that’s why I’m still here. I feel… I don’t know how I feel. Except to know that I don’t feel like running away, which is not historically normal for me in these kinds of situations.” Yoongi stops talking, taking a few breaths. He looks up again and meets Taehyung’s gaze, and the hope in his chest burns brighter, blazing hot and beautiful in his chest. “So, I think what I’m trying to say, is that if you’re willing to let me go at my own pace, I do want to date you.”

“Of course,” Taehyung says immediately, and the corner of Yoongi’s mouth quirks up in a smile. “Like I said, I have nothing but time. We can go at whatever pace you’re comfortable with.” Yoongi nods, and his smile grows incrementally wider. 

“Okay,” he says, his voice soft. He picks up his fork, and looks down at the myriad of desserts arranged on his plate. He glances back up at Taehyung, a playful look in his eye. “What should I try first?”

Taehyung laughs. “I don’t know, desserts are a lot different now than they were when I was human. I’ve heard great things about chocolate, though.” He points at the small brown square on the edge of the plate. “That’s chocolate, right? Brown desserts usually are, as far as I know.”

Yoongi snorts. “Yeah, that’s fudge.”

“Fudge. That doesn’t sound very delicious.”

“On the contrary, hyung,” Yoongi says, picking up the brown square with his fingers. “Fudge is delicious.” Taehyung stares with wide eyes as Yoongi puts the whole small square into his mouth, before closing his lips around his fingers. He holds eye contact as he slowly pulls his fingers out of his mouth, and damn, if that wasn’t the hottest thing Taehyung’s seen in a while. Yoongi closes his eyes, and moans exaggeratedly at the taste, before breaking and laughing. “If you could blush, I bet you would be right now,” he says, the words muffled slightly considering his mouth is full of food. Taehyung purses his lips at the tease, but he doesn’t deny it. When he finishes his bite, he asks Taehyung which one he should try next, explaining what each dessert is made of as he goes through them. Taehyung feels warm, and happy, and by the time Yoongi’s finished he wants nothing more than to continue with the evening, perhaps move to a second place, and really talk. But, he wants to go at Yoongi’s pace. Yoongi’s already told him a lot, tonight, and Taehyung doesn’t want to push him. He can tell that just the little bit he did divulge was difficult for him, and after learning about the fact that he lost his job last year, and seeing how difficult it must be for him to think about, Taehyung contents himself with learning about Yoongi slowly. 

Yoongi sits back in his chair, sighing with a satisfied smile, and pats his belly. “I feel like I could sleep for a year,” he says. 

“Are you tired?” Taehyung asks, and Yoongi nods. 

“I think it’s just the food, though. A walk might help?” he suggests, and Taehyung can’t help the way he sits up a little straighter, smiling and nodding. They stand together, and Taehyung leads the way to the front. He hands over his card, and glances at Yoongi as the hostess completes his transaction. He’s standing with his hands in his pockets, looking much different than he did when he arrived. Yoongi’s relaxed, content expression turns a little shy, and a small smile grows across his lips. “Thanks for dinner, hyung,” he says softly, his tone carrying weight. 

“It was my pleasure,” Taehyung replies, a sense of pride and accomplishment spreading through him. Despite the small hiccups of Yoongi arriving almost a half hour late, and the brief moment where he thought Yoongi left after his confession, Taehyung thinks that tonight has been a rousing success. He got to demonstrate his ability to take care of Yoongi by feeding him, and got him to agree to date him. Even if Yoongi had wanted to go home straight away afterward, Taehyung would still feel happy with the way things ended. But he doesn’t. He suggested they take a walk together, and Taehyung is more than happy to oblige. 

He receives his card and receipt, and after replacing his card in his wallet, he places it and the receipt in his pocket. He turns toward Yoongi. “Shall we?” Yoongi nods, and together they make their way out of the hotel. Taehyung watches Yoongi as they begin to walk down the sidewalk, and marvels in the rosy hue of his cheeks, well-fed for the first time in a while, considering the ferocity with which he ate his first plate of food, and the contented expression on his face. “Where shall we go?” he asks, and Yoongi hums. 

“The Banpo Hangang Park isn’t too far,” he muses. “We could walk around, see the fountain.” Taehyung smiles, thinking about the fountain Yoongi’s talking about. He’s seen the Moonlight Rainbow Fountain before, and it’s beautiful. 

“That feels a little romantic,” Taehyung teases, though there’s an undercurrent of a question in his voice. As if perhaps that might be a bit much, but Yoongi shoots him a sly smile. 

“Well, it is our first date, after all.” 

“Okay, then. Lead the way.”

Yoongi paces his apartment. He’s tired, the still uncomfortably full feeling in his belly after stuffing his face reminding him that it’s been a long time since he’s eaten that well, and it’s threatening to drag him under, but he can’t stop. He can still feel the tingle of Taehyung’s lips on his cheek from where he kissed him goodnight. His heart is pounding in his chest, feeling like it’s trying to escape, trying to break right out from beneath his ribs. He grimaces, reaching up and gripping his hair in both hands, tugging on it painfully, trying to cancel out the pain inside with pain outside. 

He keeps playing Taehyung’s words over and over again in his mind. I feel drawn to you, and now that I do know you a little better, I like who I’m getting to know. I’d like to know you more, and I’d be honored if you would consent to date me so I can have that chance. Like a broken record, skipping and jumping back to replay again and again. 

Those are words that a normal person would love to hear. Words that would make a normal person’s heart skip a beat. They came from a genuinely nice man, someone who clearly has good intentions. Yoongi recognizes this. So why does his brain keep screaming at him? He only wants your blood. He only wants to fuck you and leave you, just like every other vampire. Just like any other man. But what if he doesn’t? Yoongi stops pacing. He turns and goes to his bed, collapsing on the edge and folding himself in half so his head is between his knees. 

He made a huge mistake. Even if Taehyung does only have good intentions, Yoongi can’t give him anything. He has nothing to give! He’s living on borrowed time. Agreeing to date him was selfish. It was terrible. Yoongi can’t hide his demons forever! Just look at what he had to do to get to tonight! 

The night they met at Sugar, as soon as Yoongi left the bar he went to four other bars in Gangnam, looking for Dohyun, or Yerim, or Jiwoo. He didn’t find any of them, but at the last bar he met a different man who wanted to fuck him and so Yoongi let him for four hundred thousand won. The next night, he continued searching for one of his three vampires, increasingly desperate for a fix. He was this close to asking an incredibly sleazy looking vampire who approached him to exchange his blood for the vampire’s, when Jiwoo walked in. He saw Yoongi talking to the other vampire, snatched him up, took him to a motel and had his way, roughly, angrily, reminding Yoongi with his words and his hands that he’s the one who can give Yoongi what he needs. He gave Yoongi his blood, and then abandoned him right afterward, and Yoongi was so high he didn’t care, he barely even noticed.  

Yoongi flies upright, gathers his blanket into a wad in his hands and screams into it. He screams until his throat feels raw, and when he stops the pressure in his chest is just as heavy, like someone is squeezing his internal organs. After he came down enough from the high Jiwoo gave him, he went and danced the rest of the night away at a human-only club and managed to go home alone where he spent the next four hours manically cleaning his apartment. When he felt finished, he went to take a shower, but then got stuck staring at his reflection for a long time. He took off all of his clothes and studied his body, poking at his ribs and hipbones, turning this way and that and grimacing. He’s so pale, a symptom of his anemia, and so skinny he looks gross. And that’s not even to mention the scars. It’s amazing he attracts as much attention as he does, considering how disgusting he looks. But, even despite his paleness and his thinness, even he can admit that his face is still nice. Too bad the man behind the face is terrible and selfish. 

He’d run his fingers through his hair and decided that he needed to dye it again before meeting Taehyung because, for hell knows what reason, he wanted to see Yoongi again. Nobody ever wants to see him again unless they got something particularly good from him, and the only thing Yoongi gave Taehyung was his name. So, after showering Yoongi went to the salon that Yerim typically takes him to, or makes him to go, on his own for the first time and got his hair done. He tried his best not to think about the fact that he was getting ready for his date with the money he made whoring himself. 

Because that’s all you are, Yoongi, an addict and a whore, a small, nasty voice reminded him.

Yoongi throws his blankets aside, breathing heavily. What the fuck have I done? he thinks desperately. Why did I think I could do this? But deep down, he knows why. It’s because of the way Taehyung looked at him, both at the bar, and all evening today. He looked at Yoongi like he was a real person. Like he had more to offer than his body or his blood. He wanted to get to know Yoongi, and he wasn’t scared off when Yoongi mentioned that he lost his great job working at an architecture firm and now works part time at a goddamn chicken restaurant. He wasn’t scared off when Yoongi told him outright that he’s not a good person to date. He just wanted to talk, and Yoongi cannot remember the last time he had a real conversation with someone who didn’t have an ulterior motive. He thinks about how he was able to laugh with Taehyung, how nice it was to see his smile and know it was directed at him, that it was because of him . He doesn’t know why, but he feels safe with Taehyung. And that is everything for Yoongi, who hasn’t felt safe for even a moment in the year since his life changed forever. Yoongi smiles sadly, thinking about the way Taehyung looked at him at the restaurant. The way he was so surprised when Yoongi came back after his confession. He thinks about how nice it was to walk around the park with him for a couple hours, continuing their conversation. They didn’t talk about much, but it still felt more substantial than anything Yoongi’s talked about for a long time. He thinks about the way Taehyung kissed his cheek before they said goodbye. 

His smile fades into a grimace. What am I doing? He doesn’t even know what Taehyung truly wants. He said he wants to date Yoongi, but to what end? And how can Yoongi be a partner to someone when he spends half of his time high, and the other half obsessing over how to get high again? He can’t. There’s no way!

Yoongi lies down on his side, curling up as tight as he can. He’s still high, but he’s reaching that point where he can feel it fading, and he knows that when he wakes up in the morning he will hurt again, and likely even worse than he has been. He’s hurtling down a slippery slope, with no way to stop himself. The only blood farm he knew of in Korea was shut down months ago, and he has no way of getting his fix without first giving his blood. And, on top of that, a nasty little voice in his head reminds him that even if he did get his fix without first being fed on, it wouldn’t be as good. It wouldn’t last as long. Would it really even be worth it? Of course it would, don’t be stupid. Anything is better than nothing. And even if he wanted to go without, he can’t. He has no choice. He’s trapped in a cage with no door, one he was unceremoniously thrown into the moment Beomsu held his bleeding wrist to Yoongi’s mouth and forced him to drink. 

Emotion surges, burning in Yoongi’s throat and behind his eyes, and he cries. He cries because there’s nothing else he can do. He’s freefalling, and he has no idea when he’ll hit the ground, but he has to, eventually. And when he does, it’s going to hurt, and he’ll die. 

Why not let myself have one nice thing, he thinks a while later, when the tears have stopped and he can breathe again. Why not take this one good thing the universe has seen fit to give me, after it’s taken everything else away? He’s going to crash and burn. There is no way to stop his freefall, but… maybe he can let himself enjoy the fall, just for a little while. Maybe Taehyung can make his last days, however many or few there are, just a little bit better. 

Chapter Text

Lie beneath, faded and selfish
I fall between jaded and helpless
I long to breathe, wasted and empty inside
Defeat, faceless and buried alone
Into your eyes I live
Beautifully broken
…
Oh light
Carry me over the ground
Heavy won't hold me down

[EXCERPT] ROLLING STONE - THE WORLD’S FIRST VAMPIRE IDOL

By: Layla James

January 14th, 2020 

If you haven’t been living under a rock in the last five years, you’ve most certainly heard of JUNGKOOK. The first vampire pop star to come from South Korea, JUNGKOOK joins the ranks of five other vampire musicians who have risen to global fame in the last ten years. For a country that was first to extend citizenship to their vampire population, Korea was remarkably slow to accept them into mainstream popular culture, but that’s changing now. I travelled to South Korea to connect with JUNGKOOK himself, and I was so excited to not only meet him, but to see what his life is like, not only as an idol, but as Korea’s first vampire idol. 

But first, let’s take a look at the history of vampires in the media. By now, we all have learned about what it was like when vampires made themselves known to the human race. It wasn’t pretty. During the war, we had more important things to worry about than the fact that Dracula walked among us, but after it ended and we had a moment to sit and really think about it? Yeah, we didn’t react very well. But things have come a very long way in the eighty years since that happened. Vampires have every opportunity to live their lives like modern humans do - especially with the invention and mass production of UV Protectant Film which is easily applied to a window, and renders the daytime safe for them to move about inside a building. 

There is one area of our modern society which has taken a long time to accept vampires, and that is, somewhat mysteriously, the entertainment industry. I say mysteriously, because, to me, it really just doesn’t make sense. They are, and have always been excellent chameleons - they had to be. They hid their existence from us for hundreds of years, so logically, one would think that they would make excellent actors should they want to. They are, of course, but that is something that we’re only really just starting to see in today’s film and television productions. But outside of the film and television industry, we’ve started to see a lot more vampire musicians rising to fame - and for good reason. They’ve typically had much, much longer to hone their skills than their human peers. (And perhaps that’s why they’ve been kept out of the industry until recently.)

The first commercially successful vampire pop star came from France - the beautiful and talented Cécilia LeBeau. She emerged onto the scene in 1996, and took first France, and then the world by storm with her beautiful voice, stunning visuals, and winning personality - and she’s still much beloved today! She paved the way for many of her fellow vampires to find success in this competitive industry, and she was the precursor for talented individuals like JUNGKOOK to get their moment (meant metaphorically, since they never age or die and thus have no reason to fall out of popularity due to their age) to shine.

JUNGKOOK was born Jeon Jeongguk, in Busan in 1854, at the very tail end of the Joseon Dynasty (otherwise known as the last dynasty of Korea), back when there was only one Korea. Most vampires have chosen to keep their human experiences close to the chest, and as such not much is known about his early life, and nothing about how he became a vampire. But he has opened up in recent years about some of his experiences over the years which can help his millions of adoring fans know him a little better. 

I arrived in Incheon International Airport in the afternoon on January 2nd, and was picked up by one of his team members. JUNGKOOK is surrounded by a dedicated staff of both humans and vampires, all of whom adore him, something that is clear just from hearing them talk about him. I thought I already understood why, because watching even just one episode of his variety show, Run JK, will show anyone how kind, genuine, and dedicated the man is. But later that day, after the sun set, I was escorted to a conference room in the enormous BigHit building, where I waited only a few minutes before JUNGKOOK himself came sweeping into the room. He is a tall, imposing figure when one first beholds him, but the moment he saw me he smiled and I immediately saw what it is that draws everyone toward him. (Don’t misconstrue me, I was his fan before I met him!) He has a kind of childlike innocence to him, while also maintaining a professionalism in the way he carries himself and the way he speaks. I had to keep reminding himself that he is not a twenty-two year old young man, but a one hundred sixty-six year old vampire. 

I bowed, as I’d been instructed to do (remember in Korea it’s seen as polite to bow to your elders, and he is certainly my elder), and introduced myself, and he inclined his head in return, his smile never wavering. He apologized for his appearance - he was wearing track pants and a t-shirt, his hair a little wild - as he had been practicing all day. That stopped me for a moment. He saw my confusion and laughed. “Vampires don’t actually need to sleep,” he explained to me. “And sometimes I practice the whole day away. It’s so easy to lose track of time in the practice rooms, where there aren’t any windows, and I can’t see outside.” I realized then just how dedicated this man is to his craft. He explained that while vampires don’t need to sleep, they still enjoy doing so, but that he often spends all day practicing or writing music, taking advantage of the fact that he doesn’t need to stop to rest. This immediately showed me what a leg up vampire artists like JUNGKOOK have over their competition.

We started talking (the contents of which will be published soon, stay tuned!) about his experiences since his debut just four years ago. See, for us humans, four years is a long time. That’s the length of high school, and of university, and so for most humans (at least in the west) four years hold a particular significance for us. Four years is enough time to do a lot in this world, but one thing that absolutely did not occur to me is the fact that for a vampire, four years might feel like a blip in time. Several times as we talked, JUNGKOOK remarked that it felt like he’d made his debut yesterday - and while that may be a common feeling among humans as well, it’s not quite as literal as it might be to a vampire. This got me thinking a lot about how different it must be for vampires, especially in an industry like the music industry, or film and television, which is already constantly changing. I remarked to him, “Doesn’t it feel absolutely chaotic? Just how quickly things change these days?” He nodded emphatically. 

“When I was still human, things still happened slowly. We didn’t have cars, phones, airplanes, anything that makes modern communication and travel possible. And then when I think about what it’s like for some members of my Coven, who are much, much older than I am, I feel it might be overwhelming. But, it’s also not at all overwhelming, because we didn’t just wake up in this modern century. We lived it, we watched everything happen. So it’s both chaotic, and absolutely mundane at the same time.”

The main focus of my conversation with JUNGKOOK was around how his experience as an idol differs from or is similar to that of human idols in his country. South Korea has been criticized throughout the years for churning out their idols like a factory. I was curious as to how this differs for JUNGKOOK as a vampire. “I am very fortunate that I found the company I did, that they decided to take the leap and hire a vampire. I am given quite a bit of creative freedom, and it allows me the space to share my thoughts and experiences through my music. I’m just happy that my fans enjoy my music.”

I asked him what other vampires think about his job, as we’ve seen over the years a very clear division between the majority who support integration and a small minority of vampires who still oppose it vehemently. “I think a lot of vampires are happy to see representation in the media. We chose to tell humans about our existence in an effort to make living in this modern age easier on ourselves, but also to be able to live the lives so many of us were deprived of when we were Changed. There are, of course, going to be some who disapprove. All that matters to me is that my fans enjoy my music, and my Coven are proud of me, and they are.” 

Since JUNGKOOK’s debut, and atmospheric rise to international stardom, several other vampire idols have started training and debuted in South Korea, and the country’s entertainment industry realized immediately just how perfect vampire idols are. As I said earlier, they don’t need to sleep, they don’t need to eat (except the blood they need), and so long as they were Changed with a nice body they’re set, as they never have to worry about gaining weight. It started a wave of backlash, because those humans who wanted to become stars had no chance to compete against them at first. But, not every vampire idol can be as successful as JUNGKOOK, and even as little as four years later, things are beginning to balance out, and more human idols are given a chance to gain the fame they crave. Besides, there are billions more humans in this world than there are vampires (whose global population is estimated at only three million). Not many vampires want to jump through the hoops that go with being an idol in South Korea’s society - they are so closely watched by the media and their fans, their every movement tracked and criticized. I asked JUNGKOOK how he deals with that scrutiny. 

“Ah, it’s not so bad,” he laughed. “I am grateful for the opportunity to be known. We had to hide for so long. And I was a singer while I was still human, so I’m glad I can now make a living doing what I love to do.”

When Yoongi wakes the next day, it’s late. His head hurts, and his heart flutters occasionally. His feet are freezing, despite having fallen asleep in two pairs of thick socks. January in Seoul is bitterly cold, and when he’s high he doesn’t feel it as acutely, but now that he’s well and truly crashed, Yoongi’s small frame is wracked with shivers. He curls in tighter, but the cold seeps in through his blankets, through his sweatshirt and thick sweatpants. He never turns on his heater, something he sees as an unnecessary expense. But when he moved into this apartment, after he lost everything, spring was beginning to set in, and he still had some meat on his bones. Now, in the middle of winter, with no extra insulation between his bones and the outside world, Yoongi starts to consider it. He won’t, he knows. But he thinks about it, like he has the luxury to choose. 

Yoongi wants nothing more than to lie there for the rest of the day, but he has to work today, and Yoongi had better not be late again. Even a kind woman like Heeae has an end to her patience, and Yoongi’s been late a few times too many already. He cannot physically move any faster, hard as he might try, but he drags himself out of bed through sheer willpower alone. If he loses this job that’s it. He’ll have no other choice but to commit to his other ‘job’ full time. He’ll have to finally give in to Namgeol’s offer to ‘manage’ him. 

He met the man two months ago. He approached Yoongi at one of the clubs he frequents, and, quite bluntly, told Yoongi that he’s on a fast track toward being raped, cheated, and murdered if he keeps going the way he has been. Yoongi stared at the man, who couldn’t have been more than a few years older than him, stricken with surprise. His brow furrowed, and he protested - “No, it’s fine. I don’t even do it that often.” But Namgeol called him on that bullshit. 

“I’ve been watching you for weeks now. I can help you, if this is what you need to do, I can help manage who your clients are, to protect you. I’ve got people who can be back up, make sure that you get paid, and are treated well.”

“What’s the catch?” Yoongi sneered. 

“A cut, what else?”

“No thanks,” Yoongi said outright. He ignored Namgeol until he went away after that, but Yoongi’s seen him here and there since then. As he trudges to the shower, Yoongi considers the merits of Namgeol’s offer. Yoongi hasn’t been cheated out of what he’s owed yet, but… there have been a few close calls. And those could have been avoided, had Yoongi had backup. There have been a few… rough clients, who could have been stopped if Yoongi had had someone watching his back. 

And then… he makes more in one night out at the club, even from just one client, than he makes at the restaurant. So why does he keep that job? Yoongi washes himself as quickly as he can, and as he dries himself off he scowls. He knows why he keeps that job. It’s his laughable attempt at normalcy. Something to make him feel like a real person, even if all that is, is cooking chicken and washing dishes at Heeae’s shop. But now… Yoongi’s starting to question the value of normalcy. Why bother? He’s going to die soon anyway. A couple nights being used a month will cover his rent, utilities, and phone bill, so why bother continuing to drag himself to the chicken shop every few days? What’s the point? The last thing holding him back is simple. If he commits to it, takes Namgeol up on his offer, then there’d be no more lying to himself about the reality of his situation. Yoongi would actually be a prostitute, rather than a man who occasionally prostitutes himself. 

When Yoongi arrives at the shop it’s empty. He can’t even remember what day of the week it is, and he doesn’t care enough to check. “Yoongi-yah,” Heeae says, her tone reproachful. “Why do you look like you haven’t slept in a month?” Her tone is almost mothering, and it strikes a chord in Yoongi’s heart. 

“I’ve just been going through a rough time, sajangnim,” he mumbles as he washes his hands. He retrieves his usual apron from the hook it hangs from on the wall of the kitchen. 

“Aish,” she says, waving a hand. “Hey.” Yoongi stops, and turns to her. “Are you okay?” she asks, her words heavy with meaning. Yoongi stares into her eyes, lined with wrinkles but still so alive, so fiery. He longs to say no, to admit to another living soul that he is not alright. But he can’t. 

“I’m okay,” he says, trying to reassure her. 

“If you weren’t, would you tell me?”

No. “Yes, of course.”

She lets it go, though he can tell that inside, she’s still burning with the desire to press him about it. He’s endlessly grateful that she doesn’t. He sleepwalks through his whole shift. At some point, around when the sun starts to set, business picks up a bit, with people coming in for their dinner. Yoongi has to use all of his attention to avoid burning the chicken - or himself - and by the time Gyumin, the kid whose shift is after his, arrives Yoongi’s hands are shaking and he realizes that he’s ravenous. He didn’t think about the fact that having such a robust meal last night might awaken his appetite, so long suppressed. He rarely feels hungry when he’s high, and when he’s not he has no desire to eat, but now, in the suspended limbo between high and not high, his appetite is vying for control. It hurts, how hungry he is. So after he clocks out, and hangs up his apron, he goes to Heeae and orders some chicken to go. 

“Aish, stop that,” she says when he tries to hand over a twenty-thousand won bill. “What good’s working in a restaurant if you don’t get free food out of it?”

“Sajangnim, please let me pay,” Yoongi says, tired, still holding out the money. She stares at him, her brows raised and lips pursed, and through his exhaustion and hunger, irritation awakens. “Just take the damn money!” he snaps, and then his blood runs cold and he reels back, surprised and ashamed with himself. The few people in the restaurant stop talking and stare over at him, and then he hears muttering but he can’t look away from Heeae’s stricken face. He bows deeply. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” He doesn’t stand until there’s a hand on his shoulder, gently nudging him upright. 

“Yoongi-yah, come with me,” she says softly. He can’t do anything other than follow her through the kitchen into the office, and she points to the sole chair. He sits heavily, his eyes burning with shame.

What the fuck, Yoongi, you yelled at your boss, what is wrong with you?

“I’m so sorry,” he repeats, his voice hollow. 

“I will ask you one more time, and I want the truth. Are you alright?”

“No,” he whispers, and he fights to keep his face from crumpling, fights to keep the tears back.

“What’s going on?” Heeae’s voice is gentle, and the sheer force of her concern hits Yoongi hard. 

“I- I can’t-” He swallows hard. He can’t tell her. “I’m working on it. I promise. But there’s nothing… nothing anyone can do. It’s just me. And I’m working through it. I’m sorry.” He sucks in a deep, shaky breath. “I- I think I need to go back home,” he says softly. Heeae knows he’s from Daegu, knows that his family is still there. It’s a lie - nothing could compel him to go back to Daegu, especially considering his family want nothing to do with him, and considering Yerim, Dohyun, and Jiwoo are here, in Seoul. Taehyung is in Seoul, a small voice reminds him. But it’ll serve, hopefully, to assuage Heeae’s concerns of she thinks he’s going back to his mother. 

She stares hard at him, her face set in its worry. Finally, she nods. “Okay. To your family?” Yoongi nods. “Okay. I think that’s a good idea, Yoongi-yah. Family can always help when things feel too hard.” She reaches forward and cups his cheek, her thumb caressing his cheekbone. “I hope things get better for you, Yoongi-yah. And please, take tonight’s dinner on me?” 

“Okay,” he breathes. 

“Stay here, I’ll bring it to you when it’s done, and then you can go home.” 

Yoongi takes his box of chicken to a park nearby, and devours the whole thing much too quickly, and his stomach protests terribly. There’s a public bathroom a little further into the park, and Yoongi throws the chicken box away in the trashcan in the men’s room, goes to take a piss, and then starts walking. He has no destination in mind, but he can’t stop. There is an unknown force compelling him, preventing him from stopping, almost like the universe knows that if he stops he will start to sink into the abyss that is his thoughts. If he sits still he can feel the way his body cries out for the blood, but if he’s moving he can almost ignore it. So on nights like these he walks, or dances, moving mindlessly to ignore the itch until it grows too strong, and he must scratch it. 

But moving hurts. Yoongi’s head hurts, his breath becomes short sometimes, and he feels like he can’t breathe. He feels dizzy, but he can’t stop. Something has to change… But what? What can possibly change? He needs to let his body heal, let his blood heal, but how? The beginnings of the all-too familiar despair which has been Yoongi’s near constant companion for months now start to creep in. I need help, he thinks, his throat feeling thick. But there is no one. Not a single person in the whole world who he can think of to ask for help. He is trapped. 

I should just end it, he thinks, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to keep his fraying edges together, if only just for a little longer. There’s no way out. I should just put myself out of my misery. 

But… as always, those thoughts bring with them an almost animal panic. His whole body rages against it, because, as always, it reminds him that ending it means an end to his high. And he cannot have that. 

So, because there is nothing else he can do, Yoongi walks. He walks until his entire body is crying out for him to stop, even as his brain reminds him don’t stop, and he goes home. He collapses in bed, and cries for a while. When the tears stop, and he can feel himself beginning to sink into unconsciousness, his phone rings. It startles Yoongi back into alertness. No one ever calls him. 

He scrambles for his phone, passively taking in the fact that it’s nearly four in the morning, on Friday the fifteenth of January, before his eyes zero in on the name of the person calling him. Kim Taehyung. Yoongi stares, confused, for another moment, before shakily answering the call. “Hello?” he says, his voice rough and deep. 

Taehyung gasps. “Oh my god, Yoongi, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry, I forgot what time it was!”

“No,” Yoongi says quickly, and then clearing his throat. “No, I was about to go to sleep, but still awake.” There’s a pause on the other end, and Yoongi’s brow furrows deeper. “What can I do for you, hyung?”

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go on our second date tomorrow?” Taehyung sounds hesitant, but hopeful. 

Yoongi lies down on his back, staring up at the dark ceiling above him. Despite the despair sitting heavily on his chest, the corners of Yoongi’s mouth quirk up in a ghost of a smile. “Yeah,” he says softly. 

“Great!” Taehyung says brightly, and Yoongi can almost envision the smile on his face. “Did you have a good day? Night?”

“Um, no, not really,” Yoongi says, unable to put up a pretense, not after the night he’s had. “But it’s ending much better than I thought it would.” His voice falls to a whisper. 

“Okay, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, his voice almost tender. “Is there anything specific you want to eat tomorrow?”

Yoongi thinks for a moment. His stomach is still protesting the amount of chicken he ate earlier, but he tries to think past that. “Hamburgers,” he says, finally, remembering what Taehyung said last night. “I’ll describe the taste to you, and it can be like you’re trying it too.” Taehyung laughs, and the sound is like a tiny flickering candle in the vast blackness. 

“Sounds perfect. I’ll find a place, and text you the address. Shall we meet around seven, again?”

“How about a late dinner,” Yoongi suggests. “Maybe midnight?”

“That’s alright with me. Isn’t that late for dinner for a human, though?”

“I’m much closer to nocturnal than I should be. I don’t usually wake up until the early afternoon anyway,” Yoongi explains, and it’s mostly the truth. When he can sleep, he sleeps late, because he doesn’t usually fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. 

“Okay, then. Meet at midnight. Unless, I can pick you up this time?” He sounds hopeful, and Yoongi frowns slightly. No, he’s not going to let his rich vampire maybe-could be-boyfriend see the shithole he lives in. 

“I’ll meet you there. Just text me the address?”

“Okay, Yoongi-yah. Sleep well.”

“Thanks hyung,” Yoongi says, his ghost of a smile returning. “You too, considering the sun will be up in a few hours.”

“Thank you,” Taehyung says, his deep voice soft and pleased, and something inside Yoongi reacts to the sound of it, responds to the timbre of his voice which sounds pleased in response to him. Like, perhaps, he’s done something right for once. 

“Good night,” he whispers, and after Taehyung responds in kind, Yoongi hangs up. He goes to sleep with a small smile on his face. 

One hour after the sun sets, Yoongi is at Droplet. He sits at the bar very slowly drinking a Jack and coke. He stares at the door, his eyes hungry and desperate. Every time someone walks in his heart pounds, hoping it’ll be Yerim. Or Dohyun. Or even Jiwoo. He has five and a half hours until midnight, when he’ll meet Taehyung, and he needs to be high when he goes, because if he’s not he knows he’s going to fuck everything up and Taehyung is going to realize how pathetic Yoongi is. He’s shaking hard, and he keeps himself tense, trying to control it. He sits on one of his hands, the other clenched hard around his glass, keeping constant pressure on the table. It’s been four days since his last fix. 

The door swings open, and Yoongi sits up, but it’s nobody. Some random person. Yoongi can’t decide if he needs to scream or cry or both, but he can’t do either, he can only wait. He stays at Droplet for an hour, and then he goes to The Lantern. He waits there for another hour, slowly sipping a gin tonic. Then he goes to Yellow, another integrated club he frequents, and which his three vampires also frequent. They’re nowhere to be found. Yoongi goes from club to club, getting increasingly desperate. He even goes back to Droplet at eleven, hoping that maybe one of them showed up while he was searching elsewhere, but no such luck. Yoongi takes a taxi to the restaurant, which sits just across the river from Yongsan. He looks up at the neon sign - Brooklyn the Burger Joint - and then ducks into an alleyway nearby. He squats, resting his back against the wall, and presses his hands to his face. He wants to scream, but he settles for biting the heel of his palm. 

“Fuck,” he gasps, hands sliding up into his hair. He managed to make himself take a shower before he left home, but he couldn’t put any more effort into his appearance than that. His damaged hair is fluffy from air drying, and he’s wearing his only pair of jeans that fit. Hanging off his shoulders he’s got a long-sleeved shirt beneath a sweatshirt, with his coat on top. He’s got a scarf wrapped around his neck, but under that his neck is bare. Nothing to cover his scars. At this point he doesn’t care though. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, considering texting Taehyung and lying, telling him that something came up and he can’t come tonight. Just to give himself more time to get a fix. How can he focus on Taehyung when all he can think about is the fact that just under Taehyung’s skin is the one thing that can make him feel human again?

What if I ask Taehyung for his blood? he thinks, but he smacks his forehead. Are you fucking stupid? He could just cancel… continue prowling the clubs and bars for one of his vampires, or someone else...

“No. I can’t cancel on him,” he whispers, his hands clenched painfully in his hair. More than that, he doesn’t want to. So, he stands, and tries to smooth down his hair. He walks into the restaurant - only five minutes late this time - feeling like a dead man walking. 

And yet, somehow, when he sees Taehyung smile at him, the tight pressure in his chest lessens somewhat. The itch is still there, the shaky hands, the headache, and everything else that’s wrong in his life - but Taehyung is here too. Yoongi goes to him, standing close, like proximity will help. Taehyung puts his hand on his back, right between his shoulder blades, and leans in to kiss his cheek, hesitating for just a moment, as if Yoongi were capable of pulling away. He presses his lips to Yoongi’s cheek for just a moment, just long enough for Yoongi to feel the warmth of his skin - something he knows only happens to vampires when they’ve recently fed. Errantly he wonders if Taehyung feeds fresh or from blood bags. 

“Hi, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, his hand still resting on his back. 

“Hi, hyung,” Yoongi says, a small smile gracing his lips. 

“How was your day?” Gentle pressure on his back leads him to the small seating area, where they wait for a table to be ready. This place isn’t as fancy as the buffet was, and they don’t take reservations. It’s not too busy, with only one other couple waiting, so it shouldn’t be long. Yoongi’s not hungry, but he feels like he’ll be able to eat, a good thing considering he’s fairly buzzed from the five drinks he had on an empty stomach while searching for vampire blood. Yoongi sits beside Taehyung, slumping back against the wall. The bench is lightly cushioned under his bony ass, and though he’s cold, he’s fairly comfortable. 

“It was a day,” Yoongi sighs. He considers telling Taehyung he quit his job yesterday, but can’t imagine a situation where he can say that without having to go into why. And he doesn’t want to lie and say he was fired either. He’s already lying so much - by omission, but still lying - he doesn’t want to actively lie to Taehyung. “How did you sleep? Did you do anything before you came here?” He turns his head so he can see him, and takes in the open expression on his face. Taehyung’s probably never told a lie in his life, he thinks absently, even though he knows that’s illogical, considering he was a vampire for over a hundred years before the rest of the world knew of their existence. He’s probably never lied when he didn’t absolutely have to, he amends. But… I’m not lying because I want to…

“When you’re a vampire, you don’t really have good or bad sleep,” Taehyung says a moment later, smiling, like it’s funny. “You just kind of… die until the sun comes back up.”

“So when the sun comes up, you just drop?” Yoongi asks. 

“No, no, nothing like that. My-” Taehyung stops when the hostess approaches them, letting them know their table is ready. “Hold that thought,” he says, and they walk back to a table. She hands them the menu, and Yoongi takes it right away. As soon as she walks away something occurs to him and he puts it down to look at Taehyung with furrowed brows.

“Does this place have blood?” he asks, concerned.

Taehyung’s brows go up, his mouth falling open slightly and he tilts his head to the side. “No, but I had some after I woke up. Thank you for worrying about me.” The way he says these words hits Yoongi, like he’s genuinely touched that Yoongi thought to ask. It tugs at Yoongi’s heart, so much so that he leans forward slightly, just to be a touch closer to him. 

They do nothing but watch each other for a long moment. Yoongi finally has to look away, though, when it starts to feel just a little too intimate. He looks down at the menu, clearing his throat. He glances back up as he says, “Um, so you were saying, about how vampires sleep?”

“Right. Right. Two of my friends - they’re in my Coven - are surgeons. Brains and bones. They’re regularly up for days at a time. See, we don’t actually need to sleep. We’re pretty sure that sleeping during the day is just a defense mechanism to protect us from going out into the sun on accident? It’s unclear. If we’re up and doing something, we never feel tired. But the moment I get into bed in my dark room as the sun rises, I’m out.” Yoongi looks up from the menu. 

“Really? I didn’t know that vampires didn’t actually need to sleep. That’s… kind of amazing. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to sleep.”

“I do miss dreaming,” Taehyung muses softly, watching as Yoongi turns back to the menu. He wishes he didn’t dream, because then he wouldn’t have to deal with his nightmares, but he’s not going to tell Taehyung that. “What looks good?”

“This one,” Yoongi says, putting the menu down flat and pointing to the burger called the ‘Brooklyn Works’. “It sounds like a good, classic burger. And… I can’t decide between the cheese fries or the onion rings.”

“Can’t help you there,” Taehyung laughs softly. “I’ve never had either of those things.”

“That’s just so tragic,” Yoongi jokes, sighing dramatically. He shakes his head, and puts his hand on his chest. 

“You could get both?”

“Eh, I don’t think I’m quite hungry enough for that.”

Taehyung laughs, and it surprises Yoongi. He smiles, though his brows furrow, quirking his head to the side. “I’m just surprised, considering how much you ate at the buffet the other night.” 

That was because I was high, Yoongi thinks, huffing a laugh and shaking his head. “Well, that was then, this is now. I do want a milkshake though.”

“Okay, sounds good,” Taehyung says, and he raises his hand to flag the waiter just as Yoongi spots the button on the table. He presses it quickly, and Taehyung smiles sheepishly. “I forget they have those. I don’t actually come to restaurants very often. Actually no that’s not true. Before I met you, I hadn’t been to a restaurant in a very long time.”

The waiter comes over and Yoongi orders, getting a vanilla milkshake and a beer to go with his burger and cheese fries. When the waiter walks away again, Yoongi gives into his curiosity. “When did you last go to a restaurant, before meeting me?” Taehyung’s easy-going expression fades slightly, barely enough to notice if Yoongi hadn’t already been watching him. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want,” he adds gently, his hand coming up to rest on the table halfway across, as if he wanted to reach across for him but stopped. Taehyung has no such qualms about reaching for him, however, because his hand comes up right away and he rests his fingers over Yoongi’s. 

“No, it’s okay. I want you to ask me questions. I had a familiar, in the eighties. For about three years.”

“Only three?” Yoongi asks, his heart sinking. As far as he knew, the bond between a vampire and their familiar was meant to last for the human’s whole life. 

“She died in a car accident.” He smiles sadly, and Yoongi flips his hand over so he can close his fingers around Taehyung’s. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I grieved, and moved on, and I remember her fondly, but we didn’t have much time together. Three years may seem like a long time to a human, but to a vampire, it’s different.” Yoongi nods. Then, a pang of unease strikes him hard, and he looks up from their clasped hands to Taehyung’s eyes. Taehyung takes in the sudden change in his countenance and his brows furrow slightly, his grip around Yoongi’s fingers tightening just slightly. 

“Do- Do you think you ever want another familiar?” Yoongi asks, unable to keep his tone light. Taehyung stares at him for a long moment, and Yoongi can see it in his eyes. His face relaxes, though. 

“I’m not opposed to it, but it’s not a necessity. It’s not my goal, here.” 

He’s lying, Yoongi thinks. He wants me to be his familiar. It’s then that he realizes that unease he’s feeling isn’t because he thinks Taehyung wants Yoongi to be his familiar, though. It becomes immediately apparent to him that he would be Taehyung’s familiar in a heartbeat. The unease is because he can’t be. He found what it is Taehyung wants from him, and it’s nothing like what the other people in Yoongi’s life generally want from him. Wanting Yoongi as his familiar means that yes, he wants his blood, but it means he also wants to take care of him. Everybody knows that vampires’ familiars are very well taken care of. They get all their benefits, and they get a lifelong companion who wants nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy. It strikes Yoongi all at once that having Taehyung take care of him would solve all of his problems except the biggest one. 

If Yoongi weren’t an addict, if he weren’t hurtling toward his own death, he would offer right then and there. He would dive headfirst into it. But he wouldn’t pass the health check that’s required when one registers as a vampire’s familiar. And he couldn’t give Taehyung his blood - not unless Taehyung were to give him his blood in return. Yoongi’s never been fed on without getting vampire blood immediately after, and at this point, he fears what would happen if he was. He’s anemic, but the vampire blood does help keep him alive, helps keep him moving, and if he hadn’t had that, he would be dead now. No one can ‘donate’ blood as often as he does without it being the death of them. Though… he reminds himself, if you hadn’t had the vampire blood in the first place, you wouldn’t need to donate as often as you do...

He stares at Taehyung, sure that all of these things he’s thinking are showing right on his face, and Taehyung stares right back, compassion on his face. He must think I don’t want to be his familiar. 

Yoongi can’t help himself. “Why do you want to date me, if not to eventually get my blood?” Taehyung pulls his hand back, an almost wounded expression on his face. “I’m sorry,” Yoongi whispers. 

“I’m not an animal. A slave to my instincts. I still feel like a human does, and I still want the same kinds of things a human wants. I want companionship, and to have someone to talk to. Someone to help fill this endless time that I have. I didn’t really choose to be a vampire, you know. And I’ve spent a fair few of my almost three hundred years wishing that this never happened to me.” Yoongi shrinks back, screaming at himself. 

You fucked it up, just like you knew you would! You pathetic asshole!

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again. He wouldn’t be surprised if Taehyung got up and walked away. 

“Yoongi,” Taehyung says, leaning forward again. Yoongi’s hand still sits on the table, though he’d dragged it back, closer to his body. Taehyung takes it, holding it tightly in his own, even though it means needing to reach almost all the way across the table. Somehow, that feels significant, and it hits Yoongi hard right in the chest. “I’m not mad. I just want you to understand.” He stops long enough that Yoongi looks up, meeting his gaze. Taehyung’s eyes soften, and he gently rubs his thumb over Yoongi’s bony knuckles. “I’m really close with my Coven,” he starts, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips. “Especially with my Maker. Jimin and I have been closer than family since we were babies. We grew up together, and he was turned by a rogue vampire without a choice. So I both had a choice and I didn’t - it was either grow old and die while Jimin stayed the same forever, and condemn him to eternity without me, or join him and live by his side forever. He’s my soulmate, and I love him. He’s my brother, and I couldn’t leave him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret my choice occasionally. We met Namjoon, Seokjin, and Hoseok not long after I was Changed, which happened only a week or so after Jimin was Changed. They welcomed us into their Coven, and a little over a hundred years later, we welcomed Jeongguk. They’re my family, and I love them, but since we made ourselves known to humans, and all these new opportunities opened up to us, we’ve all gotten busy, and I only see them a few times a month now, and I’m lonely. 

“So when I first saw you, and felt that draw toward you, it had nothing to do with whether you were a human or a vampire, or what you could give me aside from the simple pleasure of knowing you.” Yoongi couldn’t look away from Taehyung if he tried. He’s never met a more genuine person. “I really like you, Yoongi. I’m enjoying spending time with you, and even if nothing more comes of this than we continue to go on dinner dates and walk around afterward, that’s fine with me, because it’s something to look forward to. It’s something to do other than work, or spend mindless hours watching television, or going to clubs and being among people without actually being a part of them. It’s connection, which I crave.” Yoongi glances down, watching Taehyung continue to caress his knuckles, shivering because it feels so nice.

When was the last time someone’s touch felt nice? Yerim touches him gently, but it’s not the same. His heart breaks for him, because he wants the exact same things. 

Can I give him that? Can I be what he wants? Even if it’s just for a little while longer… Maybe I can make it work. 

“Okay,” Yoongi whispers. He nods, looking back up to Taehyung’s face. 

“Okay?”

“Okay. I understand. And I… I feel the same way,” he says, unintentionally echoing their exchange after Taehyung first confessed he wanted to date Yoongi. Yet again, they’re somehow on the same page, despite their radically different worldviews and experiences. Taehyung smiles widely, showing off his teeth, his lips pulling up and crinkling his eyes. Yoongi smiles as well, though not as widely, and just a touch more sadly. 

Yoongi’s food arrives a moment later, and he reluctantly pulls his hand back. He takes a swig of his beer, and then eats a cheesy french fry and though he’s still not actively feeling hungry, his body doesn’t protest. “Can you tell me more about your Coven?” Yoongi asks, as he eats another fry. 

“Well, our leader is Namjoon - he’s the neurosurgeon - who is almost eight hundred years old. He’s the oldest of us. Then a little over a hundred years after he was Changed, he Made Seokjin, who did enthusiastically choose to be a vampire, after Namjoon offered. Namjoon was a healer when he was a human, and he continued on in that profession even after he was Changed, and that’s how he met Seokjin, who was also a healer. They’re probably the oldest doctors in the world, considering how few of us are in the medical field.”

“Why’s that?” Yoongi interrupts around the bite of hamburger in his mouth. It is mouth wateringly delicious. 

“Likely just because of how difficult it is to continue to heal people when you’re constrained to the nighttime. It’s easier now, because at their hospital, for example, they put up UV blocking film on the windows, so Namjoon and Seokjin can walk around the hospital in the daytime and not worry about the sunlight. But it was nearly impossible for them when they were in medical school, considering that was in the 1920s, and there was no online class, or UV film to cover the windows.”

“How did they manage that?” Yoongi asks, bewildered. 

“They made a reputation for themselves as very eccentric, for always wearing long sleeves, turtlenecks, gloves, and hats when they had to be out during the day. They were both burned quite a few times, but it was lucky that they were already old by then. As we age, we get a little harder to burn. Like, if I went out into the sun at my age, I would burn fairly quickly, but I wouldn’t immediately burst into flames, like a newborn would.”

“Burst into flames?” Yoongi says, grimacing. 

“Yeah, it’s not pretty.”

“What about the other one? You said there were three when you and Ji-” He stops, trying to remember the names Taehyung already mentioned. 

“Jimin. And yes, you’re right, two hundred and twenty or so years after he Made Seokjin, Namjoon met and Made Hoseok, who also got the choice to be Changed, and took it. He was a soldier,” Taehyung starts, a serious look on his face. “I don’t know how well you remember your history, but in the 1590s, the Japanese invaded Korea.”

“Yi Sun-shin!” Yoongi says through the food in his mouth. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, his face heating up. “I remember,” he says, vaguely proud of himself for remembering that from a high school history class. Taehyung laughs, nodding. 

“Yes, that’s when Admiral Yi Sun-Shin led the naval troops. Hoseokie-hyung was in the ground troops, and he was very gravely injured. He survived, but it left him crippled. He met Namjoon and Seokjin a little over ten years later, and they’d both seen it happen where crippled or sick humans were saved by being Changed, and so when they realized that they both loved Hoseok after getting to know him, they decided to offer. He accepted almost immediately when they told him he would be whole again afterward. Before he was a soldier, Hoseokie-hyung was a dancer, so the opportunity to be able to walk without pain again was an obvious choice for him.”

“Wow,” Yoongi says. He’s sitting back in his chair, a fry in his hand but he hasn’t eaten it yet. He’s been too caught up in Taehyung’s story. Taehyung laughs. 

“Eat, Yoongi-yah,” he coaxes. “Don’t want it to get cold. If I remember correctly, food that’s supposed to be eaten hot is never as good cold.”

“Yeah, cold fries are kind of terrible,” Yoongi says, picking up three and eating them all. “What about Jeongguk?” he asks, his hand once again covering his mouth as he talks with it full. 

“Oh, his name you remember, huh?” Taehyung teases. Yoongi swallows his food quickly, laughing through his nose. 

“It’s just the same as a pop star who’s really popular these days, I see his name all over the place.”

“Well, that would be my Jeonggukie.”

Yoongi freezes, his brow furrowing. “Wait. The JUNGKOOK, the idol, Korea’s sweetheart, is in your Coven?”

Taehyung laughs, his eyes almost twinkling, and Yoongi feels his cheeks heating up at how it makes him feel. “Yes, he is. I guess I should tell you to please be discreet with what I tell you about him?”

“I have no one to tell, don’t worry,” he says, and he means it flippantly, but he catches the way Taehyung’s face falls slightly. 

“Well, like Jiminie, Jeonggukie was Changed against his will. It doesn’t happen very often - well, now it doesn’t happen at all, thankfully, but in the past, sometimes older vampires would Change someone they liked, or thought was exceptionally talented or beautiful, without giving them a choice first. Usually, they would stay, and raise their newborn vampire, and teach them about their new lives, but every so often they didn’t. They just Changed the poor soul and abandoned them. Jimin and Jeongguk at least both got a crash course in what their new lives required - don’t go in the sun, don’t eat human food, drink blood - before their Makers left, but sometimes the poor newborn didn’t get anything, and ended up going on a rampage when their hunger became too much, or went out in the sun without knowing it would kill them and. Well. Bursting into flames.” Taehyung’s brow is furrowed deeply, his mouth set in a heavy frown. Yoongi can tell he has a lot of feelings about those vampires who would turn people without sticking by them, and for good reason, it would seem. “But anyway, we found Jeonggukie only a few days after he was Changed, and I’m really glad for that. Poor thing was a wreck. It took him a long time to come to terms with what happened. But he was a singer when he was human, and he found that after he was Changed, his voice was only better than it was. So after we revealed ourselves, and things settled down, he wanted to try his hand at singing professionally, and he auditioned for something like fifteen years before a company would take the chance to hire a vampire idol. And they’re really glad for it now,” Taehyung says, a satisfied smile spreading across his lips. “Because, just like we knew they would, everyone in Korea absolutely adores him.”

“He’s got a lot of international fans, too,” Yoongi says, entirely uncertain how he even knows that. “I like his music. It comes on my spotify playlists sometimes.”

Taehyung’s gorgeous, big, boxy smile is back. Yoongi never wants it to go away. “I’ll tell him you said so.” Yoongi takes another bite of his burger and sets it back down so he can chew. He holds his messy hands up, his wrists resting on the edge of the table as he chews. 

“So,” he says, after he swallows. “Namjoon and Seokjin are surgeons,” he recounts. “Jeongguk is a singer. You’re an interior designer. What do Jimin and Hoseok do?” He loves that Taehyung has such a big family. That must be why he’s so kind, he thinks, watching Taehyung’s face. 

“Well, Hoseok owns Jung Blood Bank.” Yoongi’s eyes widen. Even he’s heard of that blood bank. It’s the biggest one currently operating in Seoul. “Yeah,” Taehyung laughs softly. “He’s definitely a Very Important Person to the Seoul vampire community. As soon as the International Red Cross and the World Vampire Council decided that the only way for things to remain incorrupt was for vampires to own and operate the blood banks in 1968, and get their supply based on their individual need, Hoseok bought some commercial space, and started the blood bank.”

“Wow,” Yoongi says. He vaguely remembers learning about the history of the vampires’ integration into society, but it’s been a long time since high school. “That’s really cool. I’m sure he is very busy.” Taehyung scrunches his nose and nods.

“We all get our blood from JBB, so we usually let him know when we’re coming, and he makes time to come see us, but yeah, it’s really hard for him to leave because there’s a lot he has to do. I don’t even know everything that goes into his job, except that in addition to owning the bank, he’s the person who mainly deals with the Korean Red Cross and organizes the blood deliveries.” Yoongi chews his fries slowly, considering just how much goes into vampire society that he’s never even thought about. 

“What about Jimin?” he asks a moment later. “Does he have some big, important, fancy job like the rest of your Coven?” Taehyung laughs softly. 

“No. Jimin and I have both jumped around, trying a few different professions over the last couple decades, and never stayed in one long enough to really get anywhere. Right now, he’s an editor at Vogue Korea.”

“That’s not big or fancy?” Yoongi exclaims, his words muffled by the bite of burger he just took, and his hand comes up to cover his mouth. 

Taehyung laughs again, shaking his head. “It’s impressive, but he’s very low on the food chain over there. He’s more invested in his second job anyway,” he adds, and his tone piques Yoongi’s interest. 

“Which is…?”

Taehyung’s eyes cut back to him from where they’d wandered off beside Yoongi and he looks vaguely sheepish. “I don’t know if I should tell you,” he says. 

“Well now I wanna know even more. C’mon, I’m not gonna tell anyone!” He leans forward. “Please, hyung?” he asks, tapping into Kitten’s voice and pout, and he watches as Taehyung melts. 

“A few years ago, he discovered the wonderful world of internet sex work,” Taehyung whispers, and Yoongi sits back, his eyes widening slightly. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. “Jimin has always been very confident in his body, and you’d understand why if you saw him, he’s absolutely gorgeous, and as the world became more modern, he found he was able to be more sexually free. So now he does solo shows once a week, and he makes a lot more money doing that than he does at his ‘day job’.” 

“Huh,” Yoongi says. 

“Please don’t judge him,” Taehyung says, his voice low. Yoongi blinks, surprised. He’s not judging. In fact, he’s kicking himself for not thinking to do that. Instead, he goes out and lets himself actually get fucked, rather than fucking himself on camera for people to watch online. Jimin’s a lot smarter than I am, he thinks derisively.

“I’m not, I promise. I- uh. I guess you could say I support sex workers? Whatever’s safe and consensual. And if that makes him happy, then good for him.” What Yoongi himself does is all technically consensual, though it’s not necessarily safe. But then again, what does it even matter? He’s going to die soon anyway. 

“Oh,” Taehyung whispers. “Okay. That’s good. I’m glad.” Taehyung takes a breath. “Um, okay, I’ve done a lot of talking on this date so far,” he chuckles. “Can I ask about you?” His eyes implore as he pouts this time, and Yoongi deflates somewhat. Just depends on what you ask… he thinks. But he nods. 

“Sure. What do you want to know, hyung?”

“Well, could you tell me about your family?”

Yoongi tries to keep his face from falling immediately. But… he supposes it’s the least of the things he doesn’t really want to talk about. “Um, well. I was born in Daegu, and my family still live there. I have an older brother, who still lives there. But, um. I don’t really have a relationship with them anymore. I came here for university, and did my military service, and got my job, and over the years we just talked less and less. I haven’t spoken to them in a little under a year…” What he leaves out is the fact that his mother called while he was desperate for a fix, and complained that he didn’t call enough, and he lost his temper at her, and that’s why they haven’t spoken. But that was at the end of years and years of very little communication in the first place. 

“Oh,” Taehyung breathes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t call enough, but they could have reached out more too. We were never… that close anyway. When I was growing up, I was always the black sheep in the family. I mean… sometimes I do wish we still had some kind of relationship. It would be nice to have their support sometimes,” he says quietly, even though he knows that can’t happen now. “But. It is what it is.”

“Okay, we won’t talk about family, then. What about college? Was it fun? I’ve kind of wanted to go, now that I can.” He smiles encouragingly, clearly wanting to move on from the painful topic of Yoongi’s family. Yoongi’s heart sinks yet again, because that’s not even almost the most painful thing in Yoongi’s life. He aches, suddenly, to tell Taehyung everything. He remembers the way he yearned to tell Heeae, just before he quit his job. The words almost tumble out of his mouth, but he takes a huge bite of his burger, which is almost gone, to keep himself quiet. Taehyung laughs, his eyes squinting with the force of it, when Yoongi holds up one finger. 

Yoongi chews and swallows, and by then the desperate urge has passed, and he starts talking. He tells Taehyung about college, about the friends he had. He tells him about the few people he dated, skirting over the details. He tells him about his favorite classes and professors, and the longer he talks about those good ol’ days, the more melancholic he feels. He can’t stop, though, because after he’s finished recounting his college days, he starts talking about the time he spent in the army. “You wouldn’t believe it, looking at me now,” he says sardonically, “but I was pretty buff while I was in the army. I didn’t work out as much after I was discharged, though, and I got scrawny again.” Not nearly as scrawny as he is now, though. Before, Yoongi was always a healthy size for his height. He ate well, and he did exercise sometimes. Now… 

He tells Taehyung about the first job he had working for an architecture firm. “I was basically an assistant, but it did give me a lot of opportunities, and it was through them that I met the guy who ended up hiring me for my second job, which I had for a little over a year before-” He cuts himself off, forcefully exhaling his frustration, and looking down at his mostly empty plate. It’s so difficult to talk around everything he can’t say. Because he can’t tell Taehyung, I had my dream job, but then I was forcefully fed vampire blood and got addicted, and my erratic behavior got me fired, and I’ve been cooking fried chicken and whoring myself since then. Oh, except, now I’m unemployed and probably going to be a full time prostitute. 

“It’s okay, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says gently, and Yoongi looks back up at him, emotion heavy in his gaze. He’s so sweet… he thinks I’m just upset about having lost my job. 

“No, it’s not okay, hyung, but… it is what it is,” he repeats. Yoongi feels terrible - in more ways than one - for ruining the mood. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m sorry I don’t have better things to tell you about myself.”

“That’s alright,” Taehyung whispers, staring at Yoongi with the most openly compassionate expression, it makes Yoongi want to scream. 

Yoongi stares at the remainder of his burger. There’s only maybe two bites left, and a few french fries. His milkshake is half un-drunk, and his beer is gone. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can eat anymore.” He grabs the little packaged wet wipe and cleans his hands off. 

“Okay, let me go pay, and then we can get out of here.” Taehyung stands and walks toward the front of the restaurant and Yoongi surges forward, his elbows thudding loudly on the table so he can quickly thread his fingers through his hair and tug on it hard, screwing up his face and trying to silently get all the things he’s feeling now out before Taehyung comes back. Yoongi wants to have a good time. He wants to. But the need for blood is overwhelming, and on top of it is the despair of thinking about his past and all the things he wants to change. It’s too heavy. It’s dragging him down, and he doesn’t know what to do. 

He hears Taehyung’s footsteps as he comes back to the table, and he sits up, frantically smoothing his hair back down. He looks up with a forced smile on his face, but he’s met with concern when he meets Taehyung’s eyes. “Yoongi-yah, why don’t we get you home? You look so tired.”

“No, no- I’m fine! I want to stay with you.” He shoots to his feet, rounding the table so he can rest his hand on Taehyung’s forearm. He stands close to him, looking into his eyes and silently pleading. “I- I’ll admit that things for me are not the best right now. But when I’m with you, I can forget about all that. Please.” He doesn’t know where the words came from, but he knows immediately that they’re not a lie. When he’s with Taehyung, he can forget about how terrible his life is. He can pretend that things are okay, and he’s not slowly descending into the depths of hell. 

“Okay, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, putting his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders and tugging him gently in for a hug. Yoongi wraps his arms around Taehyung’s waist and holds him tightly. He feels solid, and soft. Warm and safe. Yoongi can’t remember the last time he was in someone’s arms and felt safe. Taehyung leads him out of the restaurant, his arm not leaving Yoongi’s shoulders. 

They walk around for hours. They talk about movies and shows they enjoy, books they like - even though Yoongi can’t remember the last time he read a book recently, he did love to read before. They talk about politics, and Taehyung tells him a bit more about his history. He tells him about fighting in World War II, and then in the Korean War. He tells him that he considered enlisting to fight in the Vietnam War, but that his Coven Leader begged him not to. “‘You’ve seen too much of war, Taehyung,’ Namjoon said. ‘You’re a lover, not a fighter, and if you don’t have to, please don’t.’ So I didn’t.” He tells Yoongi about all the places he wants to go to. Several different airline companies have started putting UV protectant on their windows, so that vampires can fly during the daylight, but it’s still so hard to travel. “I’d have to get a visa to enter whichever country I wanted to go to, with very strict rules about it. I’d have to get a permit from a blood bank in whichever city I go to, as well as letting my blood bank here know how long I’m going to be gone so they can reflect that in their monthly supply request. There’s just so much red tape right now. It’s not worth it.”

By three a.m., Yoongi’s just about dead on his feet. He’s cold and shaking and tired, but on top of that he’s in awe. “I can’t believe you fought in World War II,” he mumbles, leaning heavily on Taehyung as they meander through a park. “That’s so cool, hyung.”

“It wasn’t very cool… but I can see why it seems cool, now that so much time has passed. Aigoo, Yoongi-yah, you’re about to pass out. Let’s get you back home, okay?” For a split second Yoongi panics, and almost refuses the ride that Taehyung so clearly wants to give him, but he’s too tired to protest. So they walk back to where Taehyung’s car is parked, and when he sees it’s not just any old car. 

“Oh my god, hyung, that car is gorgeous.” He looks between Taehyung and the Aston Martin. “Shit.” Taehyung ducks his head, sheepish, though he smiles proudly. 

“It’s my baby. An Aston Martin DBS Superleggera Volante.”

“Fuck.” They climb in, and Yoongi takes in the incredibly nice interior. “I could cry. I’ve never been in a car like this before.”

“Can you drive?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t had a car for a while now.”

“Well, maybe you can take her for a spin one night.” Yoongi’s eyes bug out of his head, and Taehyung laughs loudly. He turns the car on, and starts driving. “Do you live in Itaewon?” Yoongi nods. Once they’re over the bridge, Yoongi directs Taehyung toward his neighborhood, and when they stop outside his run down building, Yoongi can barely look at Taehyung. There he is, sitting inside the most expensive car he’s ever been in, outside of his four hundred thousand a month apartment. “Hey,” Taehyung says, reaching over and gently putting his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. “I don’t care where you live.”

“I do,” he mumbles petulantly. 

“Look at me?” Yoongi does, and Taehyung leans forward to press another soft kiss to his cheek. Then, without thinking, Yoongi turns and kisses his lips, and for one brief, perfect moment, everything else goes away. He kisses Taehyung hard, desperation growing by the second, but Taehyung cups his cheek, and takes control, keeping the kiss slow. Yoongi’s mouth falls open, and Taehyung’s tongue sweeps along his. He melts. In that moment all he knows how to do is kiss and be kissed by the most beautiful, kindest person he’s ever met, and it’s nothing like any kiss he’s had in recent memory. Taehyung kisses him like he’s precious, like he’s actually worth something. Worth more than his blood, or his ass. And maybe it’s because Yoongi’s exhausted, maybe it’s because he’s guilty, but he has to pull away, because his eyes start to water and his throat tightens. 

“G-goodnight hyung,” he whispers. He’s shaking even harder, trying to hold back his emotion, but he manages one last kiss, before he pushes the door open and gets out as quickly as he can. He doesn’t look back as he keys in the code to his door and disappears inside. He goes up the stairs and gets inside before he bursts. Heavy, wracking sobs wrench out of him, and it hurts. He pulls off his coat and tugs off his boots and jeans, and then climbs into his bed in his sweatshirt and boxers. He cries like a small child, helpless against the onslaught. 

What am I doing? he asks himself over and over again. All you’re going to do is hurt him! He doesn’t deserve to have something like you inflicted on him. He cries and cries and eventually, he cries himself to sleep. 

Yoongi wakes the next afternoon, and feels like he never slept at all. He lies in bed and vacillates between thinking about the night before, and thinking about the blood. But after a while, all he can think about is the blood. He needs it. It’s the fifth day since he last got any, and he’s never gone this long without it before. His head pounds and his heart flutters and his breath comes fast, but he can’t fill his lungs, can’t get any relief. 

He lies in bed, unable to do anything else. He drags himself to the bathroom at some point, but crawls right back to bed after. He stays in bed until the sun sets, and then he gets up, moving on autopilot. He dresses himself, puts on a mask, and leaves. He takes his phone, but he hasn’t even looked at it all afternoon. He does the same thing he did last night. He goes from club to club, searching for any of the three vampires he so desperately needs to find, trying not to think about the one vampire he desperately wants to see. He’s out all night, and his desperation mounts. None of them are anywhere to be found. He takes the train to Gangnam and looks in the bars and clubs there. No one. At least, no one he knows can help him. 

At four thirty, Yoongi’s shaking and barely holding back tears as he stands outside Yerim’s building. She’s told him, several times, never come here unless she brings him. And he never has. But he’s moved beyond desperate. He buzzes her apartment. No answer. So, he buzzes another apartment, and they open the door. He goes inside, his breath short and his hands shaking. His right eye has started twitching occasionally. It feels like his stomach is eating itself, as now it’s been over twenty-four hours since he last ate anything, and it’s full of alcohol. He stumbles once as he steps into the elevator, and hits the back wall painfully. He pushes himself off, jabbing the number eighteen. When the door opens he moves as quickly as he can to Yerim’s door, and he pounds on it. 

“Noona!” he yells. He bangs his fist on the door, crying out for her for another minute, until a door further down the hall opens and a very angry-looking woman steps out. 

“Hey!” she yells. “Do you know what fucking time it is?”

“I’m s-sorry. D-do you know if Yerim is here?” he says, trying his best not to cry. 

“I haven’t seen her in a few days, she’s probably out of town. Now kindly get the fuck out before I call the police.”

Yoongi bows low, having to catch himself on the door. “T-thank you,” he whispers. The woman mutters something and slams the door shut. Yoongi leaves. His head swims. Somehow he makes it home, and he doesn’t even take off his shoes or his coat before he collapses onto his bed and loses consciousness. 

The next night, Yoongi stares around the club, a manic, starving look in his eyes. He’s resolved himself to do what he must, no matter how dangerous it may be. He’s done it before, when he’s desperate and cannot find his three vampires. It’s fairly calm, and Yoongi guesses it might have to do with what day it is, though Yoongi has no idea what day that is. He’s lost track of time, only the sun’s movement keeping him somewhat oriented. He’s always felt like a caged animal, but now… he’s ready to chew his own arm off to fit through the bars of his prison. 

He spots a greasy-looking vampire in the corner of the club. He’s not with anyone, but he’s sitting like he’s a hot shot, his legs spread wide, one arm up on the back of the booth he’s sitting in. He’s looking around the club as well, clearly searching for someone. Yoongi’s going to be who he’s looking for. He has to be. He stands from his chair and approaches. The man catches sight of him, takes in the thin top he’s wearing, which shows off his collarbones, tucked into his tight jeans. He’s wearing the ribbon around his neck, so the vampire knows already what Yoongi has to offer. 

“Well, hello there,” the vampire says, smirking as he looks Yoongi up and down. 

“Hi,” Yoongi says, trying desperately to entice this vampire. 

“What can I do for you, beautiful?”

Yoongi slides into the booth beside him moving in close. “I think the better question, is what can I do for you?” He looks into the vampire’s eyes as he says this, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side. The vampire’s gaze grows more heated, his smirk widening. 

“Oh, I think you can do a lot for me, sweetheart.” He stands, and Yoongi follows, trying to keep his breathing under control as the vampire walks to the back of the club. He hands over the fee for the room, and takes Yoongi by the elbow. They go into the room and the vampire goes to sit on the couch. 

“So, handsome, what’ll it be? My body or my blood?” Yoongi asks, stepping forward and kneeling on the couch, straddling the vampire’s lap. He doesn’t sit down, not yet, but he puts his hands on his shoulders. 

“Your blood, beautiful. How much?” The vampire stares up at him, his hands settling on his hips. Yoongi’s heart pounds, and he can almost hear it thudding in his ears. 

“I was thinking… perhaps a trade?” He makes sure his voice is coy, cute, and - hopefully - irresistible. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to the vampire’s jaw. 

The vampire’s brows go up. “Oh? What kind of trade?”

“My blood for… your blood?” Yoongi whispers, softly kissing at his neck. The vampire’s hand clenches painfully on his hip, the other flying up to his hair to wrench his head back. Yoongi cries out. 

“What?” the vampire hisses. Yoongi starts to cry immediately, taking in the disgusted look on his face, the way he sneers. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You did not just suggest what I think you suggested.”

“P-please,” Yoongi blubbers. “Please, just a little- I need it!”

The vampire tosses him to the side, and he lands with his shoulder against the hard arm of the couch. It hurts, but then he’s on Yoongi, his chest to Yoongi’s back, pressing his face down with his hand once again clenched in his hair. Yoongi tries to pry his hand off, but he’s too weak. “You pathetic little addict,” he hisses. With the hand that’s not holding Yoongi down, he pulls the ribbon loose, and then he bites. Yoongi screams, the sound ragged, as searing pain shoots through him. The vampire drinks and drinks as Yoongi tries to push him off. He’s too strong, his body too heavy over Yoongi’s. 

When he’s done he pulls back, and then tosses Yoongi to the floor. Yoongi’s still sobbing, curling up on himself, his hand reaching up to cover the wound on his neck, feeling his blood weeping out still. 

“You’re disgusting,” the vampire spits, and then he leaves. The sound of the door shutting feels like the loudest thing Yoongi’s ever heard. 

This is the end… he thinks. It must be… He looks around the dingy walls of the club’s back room. He thinks of how many times he’s been fucked and paid in a room like this, how many times Jiwoo, Yerim, or Dohyun have fed from him, and then fed him in a room like this. So this is the room where I die…

Panic grips him. No! He tries to push himself up, but he can’t. He’s too weak. With hands shaking so badly he almost can’t manage it, he gets his phone out, and he calls the only person in the entire world who could possibly help him. 

“Hi, Yoongi-yah!” Taehyung answers brightly, clearly surprised to hear from him. Yoongi opens his mouth to speak, but instead of words, he sobs, the panic and fear overtaking him. “Yoongi?” The change in Taehyung is immediate. “Yoongi? What’s wrong? Talk to me, Yoongi-yah, where are you? What’s wrong?”

“I- I need h-help,” he manages. 

“Okay Yoongi-yah, just tell me where you are, I’ll come get you.” The urgency in Taehyung’s voice manages to help ground Yoongi. 

“I’m a-at D-Droplet. I-In one of the back- back rooms. Please, hyung,” he sobs. 

“Okay, Yoongi-yah, I’m getting in my car now. Stay on the phone.” Yoongi continues to cry, the agony of everything washing over him. His neck hurts, but it pales in comparison to the pain gripping his heart. 

“Why did this happen?” He doesn’t know if he’s saying the words aloud or not. His head is spinning, his heart pounding. He can hear Taehyung still talking into the phone. “Why did this happen to me?” he cries. 

“It’ll be okay, Yoongi-yah, I’m coming. I’m coming, I promise. I’m almost there. Just hold on, sweetheart.”

Yoongi doesn’t know how much longer he lies there, but at some point the sounds coming from Taehyung’s end change. It gets louder, and he can hear Taehyung yelling. “No, I don’t need a room, my friend is back there! He needs help!” Taehyung yells, rage clear in his voice. “Let me back!” The line goes dead. But then he hears him. “Yoongi! Yoongi!” A moment later the door opens, and then there are hands on him, one on his hair, and the other on his arm. “Oh my god, Yoongi!” 

“Hyung,” Yoongi whispers, feeling like he’s barely holding on. He feels his phone being taken from his hand, and then the ground falls out from beneath him, and he’s in Taehyung’s arms. Taehyung carries him out of the club and puts him in his nice, expensive car, surely getting blood everywhere. “I’m sorry,” Yoongi cries, his tears starting afresh. His head is still spinning. 

“Yoongi-yah, it’s okay, I’ll get you to the hospital.”

That’s enough to wake him up. “No!” he shouts, surging up and reaching over, desperately clutching at Taehyung’s sleeve. His sudden movement makes his stomach lurch, but there’s nothing to come back up. He looks at Yoongi, utterly bewildered. 

“Yoongi-yah, you were attacked, you need medical attention.”

“No, no nononono please you can’t, they’ll find out and they’ll take me, please hyung you can’t,” he begs. 

“What? Find out what?” Taehyung asks, reaching for him, but Yoongi shrinks away.

“I- I- oh god.” The world is falling upon him all at once, his heart squeezing as every shred of hope is ripped away from him, and he has no other choice. “I’m an addict, hyung,” he whispers, his voice shaking so badly he doesn’t know if Taehyung can even understand him. 

“What?” Taehyung responds, his voice deadly quiet. 

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi sobs. “It’s not my fault, he- he forced me to, b-but one time is a-all you need and I can’t help it and I’m sorry but you can’t take me to the hospital they’ll keep me there to die, hyung please please please.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says, putting his arms around Yoongi’s head and pulling him into his chest. Yoongi cannot control how hard he’s crying. He’s deep, deep into the black abyss, but Taehyung is there, somehow, holding him. “Okay, Yoongi-yah.” Taehyung lets go of him only with one hand, and then Yoongi feels the car start to move. Yoongi doesn’t move away from the safety of Taehyung’s embrace, doesn’t open his eyes until the car stops, and Taehyung turns it off. Yoongi doesn’t know how he’s still conscious, but when Taehyung pulls away he panics. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m just coming around so I can get you out of the car.” Then Taehyung’s body is gone from his. He’s back seconds later, gently pulling Yoongi out of the car, holding him close to his body again. Yoongi doesn’t register where they are, but eventually Taehyung is setting him down in a bathroom. Yoongi has no idea whose apartment they’re in. His brow furrows. 

“Where…?” he whispers. 

“We’re at my apartment. I need to clean your neck, to make sure you don’t get an infection.” Yoongi lets Taehyung do anything he needs to do. He lets Taehyung take off his bloody shirt, and after he’s cleaned and bandaged his neck, put him in a sweatshirt that swallows him even more than his own usually do. “This is big on me, so it’s definitely too big for you, but it’s my most comfortable hoodie.” Taehyung picks him up again after asking if he thinks he can walk. Yoongi hesitated just a hint too long, betraying how weak he really is. Taehyung sets him back down on a couch that’s so comfortable, Yoongi thinks he could lie down and sleep forever. It doesn’t register just what sleeping forever means. 

“Yoongi-yah, how long have you been addicted to vampire blood?” Taehyung asks, his voice soft. Yoongi’s thoughts swim through the thick sludge in his brain. 

“A y-year,” he whispers. 

“You said ‘he forced me to’, did someone force you to drink the blood?” Yoongi nods, Beomsu’s face swimming through the sludge. His face screws up, though he has no more tears left to cry. “What happened tonight, baby?” Taehyung cups his cheek, holding him close. “Please, stay awake, I need you to tell me.”

“I need it… it’s been- been six days, hyung. I can’t do it anymore, I need it. I- I thought he would give it to me, but he got mad and he just took it. And- and I’m s-so… tired, hyung…”  

“Oh, Yoongi-yah…” Taehyung breathes. “I’m so sorry…” The silence stretches between them, growing heavier and heavier. “Okay,” Taehyung whispers after a long moment. He takes a deep breath, and removes his hand from Yoongi’s cheek. Yoongi looks up, sluggish, as Taehyung brings his wrist to his mouth and bites down. He grunts, and then he holds his wrist to Yoongi’s mouth, and everything in Yoongi’s brain rails against it - no, you can’t take it from Taehyung! Don’t do this to him! - while every cell in his body screams for it, and he’s powerless against the pull. 

He wraps his lips around the wound on Taehyung’s wrist, and he drinks.

Chapter Text

So these are the walls that have to hold this moment
I never expected to be here again
My vision is blurring as the light starts to fade
Please pull me out of this

Through the haze I saw a face
A second chance, another life to live
How did you forgive me?
Held my head against your chest
Told me everything's alright, don't be afraid

Incident: the arrest of Shin Beomsu

Date: March 3rd, 2019

Officer in charge: Nam Jinsu

Details of report:

Just after midnight on 19/3/3, a call was made to the police from a concerned citizen about a neighbor, the vampire Shin Beomsu. The Citizen (who requested to remain anonymous) claimed that on multiple occasions they had seen humans entering the domicile with Shin seeming either intoxicated, or visibly altered (Citizen described shakiness, pale skin, erratic movements), only to leave the apartment again two to three hours later in a much different state - seemingly very energized, much more so than can be natural. The Citizen worried about possible drug use going on in the domicile, so the Seoul Police Department (SPD), as well as an officer from the National Vampire Police Force (NVPF) visited Shin’s domicile. Because there was probable cause for us to believe the vampire was causing the human harm, the NVPF officer, Officer Jang Hyemin, used force to enter the domicile. Inside, we discovered Shin Beomsu in the act of feeding his own blood to the human in his company. They were forcibly separated, and both were taken into custody. 

At the station, myself and Officer Jang questioned the human, found to be one Hong Junwoo - who after forty-five minutes came out of his coma-like state and became filled with excessive energy - who claimed that he had no choice in drinking from Shin. Hong claimed that Shin got him very drunk at a club one night, drank from him, and then forced him to drink his own blood. This story was corroborated when we questioned Shin himself next. He claimed there were several others to whom he was supplying vampire blood, but would not give up names. He confessed, and laughed about it. 

Hong was handed over to Asan Medical Center, and Shin was remanded to the custody of the National Vampire Police Force. 

Taehyung stares, wide eyed, as Yoongi latches onto his wrist, his hands weakly gripping around his arm. His head is spinning, trying to make sense of the last thirty minutes. One moment he was watering his plants, deciding if he wanted to watch a movie or read a book before bed, and the next Yoongi’s calling, sobbing and asking for help. Taehyung immediately ran out to his car, and he will never forget the fear that shot through him when he opened that door and saw Yoongi, lying curled up on the floor, covered in his own blood. 

Something deeply instinctual inside of him screams at him to make Yoongi stop, so he does. He’s never done this before, he has no idea how much to give him. But he trusts his instincts. He tries to be gentle as he pries Yoongi off of him, and he goes willingly, his entire body lax. He slumps against Taehyung’s chest, and he adjusts on the couch so that he can pull Yoongi all the way onto his lap, holding him like one might a sleeping child. Yoongi’s eyes flutter, and Taehyung notices his pupils are huge. He brings his own wrist up to his mouth and licks over the wound, which has already started to heal itself. 

Then he can only stare at him, the human who caught his attention, who drew him in without trying. So much makes sense now. Taehyung knows enough about how vampire blood affects humans to know what the kind of manic energy Yoongi exuded when he watched him dance in the clubs those first few times he saw him must have been due to the fact that he was high. And then the shakiness, the lack of energy those other times - including when Taehyung saw him at Sugar - was because he was craving it. 

He’s so beautiful… how could someone do this to him? Every vampire knows that feeding a human their blood is tantamount to a death sentence. And the fact that someone forced him? Taehyung wants to find that vampire and cut his head off. He wants to thrust a stake right into his heart, and leave him in the sun. His blood is boiling as he thinks about it, but he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Yoongi doesn’t need that right now. He needs help. 

Taehyung cannot believe he gave him his own blood, that he was so stupid as to break one of the most important rules his kind have - unless you plan to Change, them do not give a human your blood. But what other choice did he have? Yoongi was dying! 

Now is not the time to lose your cool, Taehyung. Yoongi needs you. 

Yoongi pleading with him not to take him to the hospital haunts Taehyung. They’ll find out, he said. Realization courses through him - Yoongi fears being caught, and being thrown in hospice to die for being a vampire blood addict. The one thing the world cannot agree on is how to deal with those who are fatally addicted to vampire blood. Some call for assistance programs, and others call for execution, to put them out of their misery. Others call for throwing them in jail to await their painful death as their organs shut down without the blood they need, but most countries resort to remanding them to hospice care, where they can at least be made comfortable as they await their death. There is never any talk of allowing them to continue with their lives the way they had been living them. Yoongi knew, even altered as he was, what would await him, should he be taken to a hospital. 

So… what does Taehyung do? What can he possibly do? Let him go? Let him continue on in the hopes that he doesn’t get himself killed or worse? Turn him in, as the government would want him to do? He needs to call Namjoon. Namjoon would know what to do - but… if he told Namjoon, he would be implicating his entire Coven. Taehyung broke the law when he gave Yoongi his blood, even if not doing so would mean his death. He can’t tell Namjoon. Can’t tell Jimin, or any of them. In that moment, Taehyung wishes he could cry, if only to have a little release. He didn’t even think before he did it, he just acted, did the only thing he could think of that would help Yoongi. 

Yoongi’s breathing deeply against his chest, his eyes closed and his mouth open, his body entirely limp, but still so light. Yoongi is so tiny, his already small body malnourished and underweight. Taehyung thinks, if he remembers correctly, that this is the first stage. Right now Yoongi’s body feels impossibly good, endorphins rushing through him, and he’s floating. Next he will get a burst of energy that will last several hours - if not for the rest of the day - before he evens out, and he can feel and act like a regular person again for a day or two, until he crashes again, and the cycle begins anew. Taehyung’s heart aches. He’s been living like this for a year? How?

He pets Yoongi’s hair, holding him close. He’s grown so fond of him, so quickly. Taehyung doesn’t know what to do. But even still, a small voice whispers in his ear, You know what you have to do… but are you brave enough to do it?

Yoongi floats on a cloud of pleasure. His whole body tingles with heaviness, with the blessed absence of pain, something so rare these days. He can feel arms around him, holding him so gently, so lovingly. For a moment, Yoongi thinks he’s with Yerim, because she sometimes holds him when he’s like this. But then he remembers. He’s with Taehyung. Some small part of him panics, railing against Taehyung holding him through his shame, Taehyung perpetuating it. But the rest of him revels in it. He likes Taehyung. He likes him a lot, and now, he feels so good and Taehyung is holding him, and once again Yoongi thinks about the fact that he cannot remember the last time he felt so safe in someone else’s arms. He never wants to let go. 

But all too soon, that familiar buzzing energy begins to course through him. He tries to hold it in as long as he possibly can, but eventually the effort of holding himself still becomes too much, and he shifts. 

“Oh, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says softly. Yoongi flies to the surface, and his eyes open. He sits up, realizing he’s on Taehyung’s lap. He feels like one long drawn out explosion as he stares hungrily into Taehyung’s eyes. 

“Hyung,” he says, the words pulled forcefully out of his lips. Yoongi shifts again, moving so he’s kneeling on the couch on either side of his lap, and Taehyung stares up at him, wide eyed and confused. “Hyung, thank you,” Yoongi rasps, and then he dives in and kisses Taehyung the way he did two nights ago, hungrily and with abandon. And just like he did two nights ago, Taehyung immediately takes control, forcing him to slow down, prompting Yoongi to open his mouth so their tongues can move together, exploring and tasting. But then without warning, Taehyung wrenches away, one hand clenched in the hoodie at Yoongi’s side, and the other lying flat across his sternum. 

“Yoongi-yah, we need to talk,” he gasps, his eyes fiery with concern and fear but also with desire, with lust, and Yoongi wants him so badly, but even as high as he is, he recognizes that Taehyung is right. Yoongi pulls away fast, his movements jerky as he stands up, and starts to pace the smallish living room, his body crackling with buzzing, electric energy. He looks around wildly taking in Taehyung’s home. He looks out the window and sees the vague beginnings of dawn. 

“Do you have the UV film on your windows?” he asks, his words coming almost too fast for his lips to keep up. 

“No, but I can close the curtain,” Taehyung says, standing up and doing just that. The room is dark, so Taehyung turns on a lamp, and then sits back down on the couch, pulling both legs up and crossing them. He watches Yoongi pace back and forth, watches his hands shake with the effort of keeping himself in check. 

“There’s a reason why I go dancing after I get high,” he says. “It’s the only way to keep myself from feeling like I’m about to vibrate right out of my skin. I go dancing, or I have sex, and it helps, and then I walk around for the rest of the night and then sometimes I can sleep, but usually I can’t. Sometimes I can make myself eat something, but usually I can’t. Why do you think I’m a fucking skeleton? My brain and my stomach don’t talk anymore, and I never feel hungry, and I have bigger things to worry about than when I’m going to eat food next. Bigger things like when can I get high again, and when is it going to wear off, and how am I going to pay rent when I make shit at a fucking chicken restaurant.” He barks a mirthless laugh. “And now I don’t even have that. I quit two days ago. 

“So I go to clubs, and I get fucked and I get paid, and every few days I pray to god that I’ll run into one of them and they’ll give it to me and won’t take too much in return. And after I get it I dance and I fuck and for the next two days, maybe, I can pretend I’m a normal human being again, until the next day when I can feel it fading and I start to shake and my heart pounds and my head aches. I’m dizzy all the time, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick or because I don’t remember the last time I ate, but that doesn’t matter because all I can think about is the blood. I hate it but I love it and I need it, and after I get it I can pretend… but pretending doesn’t mean anything because that’s not how it is. And I hate it, but then when I’m with you I can forget about the blood, just for a moment. I can forget about what a fuck up I am, and how I’m going to die soon because you see me, and you make me feel like I matter. You didn’t approach me just because you wanted my blood, or because you wanted to fuck me and then leave me like everyone else does. But then when I’m alone again I realize how selfish I am, because how could I possibly give you anything worthwhile when this is my life? I have nothing. I am no one.”

Yoongi’s heart pounds in his ears. Now that he’s started talking he can’t stop, not when Taehyung’s already seen him at his worst, lowest moment - bleeding and unable to stand, begging for the blood. He’s still here. Somehow, he’s still here. So Yoongi keeps talking, he spills it all, finally letting go of everything he’s been hanging onto for a year. It pours out of him like blood hemorrhaging from a gaping wound. 

“I was out one night with my coworkers - at the architecture firm - and we decided to go to an integrated club, because one of my coworkers claimed they had better music. I don’t even know. I’d never been to an integrated club before. I didn’t really go clubbing before, but I wanted friends, and I decided one night wouldn’t be too bad, right? We went to a club in Hongdae that probably isn’t even open anymore… I don’t know. I don’t go to Hongdae anymore. 

“I drank a lot, and we had a lot of fun. At some point, one of my coworkers brought over a couple vampires she’d just made friends with, and they joined our party and of course they weren’t drunk, but they were definitely having a good time. That’s how I met Beomsu. He was very handsome, probably in his early thirties when he was Changed. He stood right beside me as I laughed and talked, and when we all abandoned the table to go dance he danced with me. I was lonely. It’s always been hard for me to make friends. So when he started paying attention to me, I was so happy about it. I didn’t mind that he was getting handsier the longer we danced, and the drunker I got. Eventually my coworkers wanted to go to a different club, but Beomsu convinced me to stay with him, so I told them to go, that I’d see them at work on Monday. 

“He kept buying me drinks, and I let him. And then he started to kiss me, and kiss my neck. He started telling me how good I smelled, and how he bet I had the best tasting blood. He started telling me he was thirsty, and how good fresh blood is compared to bagged blood. And I was so drunk, I though, oh, well I can let him try my blood. Why not? He likes me, he thinks I’m pretty, he thinks I smell good. So I offered.” He spits these words, conveying just how disgusted with himself he still is. Yoongi will never stop hating himself for that. “I offered, and so he took me back into one of the back rooms, and he just kissed me for a while. And then he bit me, and it hurt, but I was so drunk I barely even noticed. And then after he was done, he slashed his wrist and forced me to drink his blood.” 

Yoongi keeps pacing, chewing on his bottom lip. He clenches and unclenches his hands, his nails digging painfully into his palms. He doesn’t want to look at Taehyung, doesn’t want to acknowledge that he’s there, listening to Yoongi’s story, but he can’t help it. He glances at the couch, and immediately looks away. Taehyung’s face is a blank mask, but his eyes are like burning flames. “Are you mad at me?” Yoongi whispers, pacing, and still not looking at him. 

“No, Yoongi-yah. I’m not angry with you.” He hears Taehyung take a deep breath. “What happened then?” His voice is tight, controlled. 

“After he made me stop he held me, and then when I started buzzing we went back out into the club and danced for a few more hours, until he took me back to his apartment and we had sex. Afterward he made me give him my phone number, and then he kicked me out so he could go to sleep because the sun was rising. I walked from Hongdae back to Seocho, where I lived at the time. It took like three hours, but I was buzzing so hard that first time. After I arrived, I kept walking around my neighborhood. I’d never had that much energy before. I just couldn’t stop. The next day was Saturday, and I spent all day cleaning my apartment, and that night I slept like a baby, and the next day I was fine. I felt okay. I thought, maybe what I’d heard was wrong, maybe it takes a couple times to get addicted. But then the next day, on the Monday, I woke up and felt that itch under my skin, where I couldn’t scratch it. I made it through the work day, somehow, and then that night, after the sun set, I got a text from an unknown number. All it said was, I bet you want to see me again right about now. So I called him, and he told me to meet him at that same club, and I went, because what other choice did I fucking have?” Yoongi’s breath speeds up. “We did it all over again, and again I spent the whole night wandering the streets, unable to sit still, unable to stop. That continued for two months. I met him every three or four days. After the first month I was fired from my job. After the second month I had to move into a cheaper apartment, the one I’m in now in Itaewon, because I ran out of my savings. I didn’t have a lot to begin with.

“And then I stopped hearing from him. One night he was there, giving me what I needed because of him, and the next he was gone. His phone disconnected, and even though I spent every night at all the places we frequented, I never saw him again. I was desperate, and I started bouncing around the clubs in Itaewon, and that’s how I met Jiwoo. Jiwoo wanted my blood, and he wanted to fuck me, and I told him instead of paying in money, we could trade, my blood for his. He agreed. A few months later, I met Yerim, and she only wanted my blood, and when I asked her if she would trade, she agreed as well. Then I met Dohyun. And we made the same agreement. There were a couple others, here and there. Isolated incidents. They would do it once, but they didn’t want it to be a regular thing. None of them know about each other, and every few days, I run into one of them, and they can give me what I need. Until two days ago.” Yoongi stops talking, swallowing hard. “I was high on our first date, because the day before I went out and found Jiwoo. Then, before our second date, I was out, trying to find one of them. I ran out of time, and didn’t find them. The next night, last night, I was out the whole night searching. I even went to Yerim’s apartment, something she impressed on me never to do. But she wasn’t home. I don’t know where the other two live. So, tonight - or yesterday, I guess - I was beyond desperate. I went to Droplet and I found someone who I thought looked like they might say yes when I suggested a trade. But he got angry. He called me pathetic, and told me I’m a disgusting addict, which isn’t wrong, and took my blood and left me there on the floor.” 

Yoongi finally stops pacing. He stands in the middle of the living room, the orange glow of the lamp softening the room. Softening Taehyung, though the look on his face is as hard as steel. The fire in his eyes burns so bright Yoongi fights hard not to shrink away from it. He’s still pulsing with energy, but he’s not happy. Usually the high leaves him happy, but now… staring at the fire of Taehyung’s anger burning from his beautiful eyes, Yoongi is not happy. Yoongi is devastated. Yoongi is in despair, both for himself, and for Taehyung, who didn’t ask for this. He didn’t ask for the toxic sludge shaped like the man who used to be Min Yoongi, who is high on his blood and pouring out his entire, disgusting, pathetic story. His eyes water, and his lip wobbles, and his face crumples like a child’s as he starts to cry. “You are the only person in my life I could think of to call, who might help me. I have no one. Not my family, who I drove off on purpose because of my addiction, no friends, no Beomsu, who did this to me and then abandoned me, not Yerim or Jiwoo or Dohyun, who don’t actually care about me. They only care about what they can get from me. But you care about me. Right?” Yoongi sobs, and he wants to go to Taehyung and curl into his lap and be held, and be still, but he can’t. He can’t sit down. He can’t stop - for even after he stops pacing, his hands are shaking with energy, shifting his weight from foot to foot, his breath still coming quickly. “Oh god, why did this have to happen to me?” Yoongi wails. His hands fly to his hair, gripping tightly and pulling as he crouches, resting his forehead on his knees. Arms wrap around him, and he lets go of his hair so he can cling to Taehyung, pressing his face into his shoulder and letting out deep, wrenching sobs. It makes his chest hurt, but somehow… it almost helps him feel better. 

“Breathe, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, his deep voice right next to Yoongi’s ear. “Breathe, in… out… in… out…” Yoongi tries his best to breathe with Taehyung. Every time he’s fallen into his despair in the last year, he’s cried. He’s screamed and raged. He’s cursed the world and every god and everything that’s led him to where he ended up. But somehow he’s never sobbed as hard as he is right now, has never lost control quite like this. He cannot stop. So, he tries his best to breathe with Taehyung, but each breath catches and shudders as it comes in, and rushes out with a wail, and through it all Taehyung holds him. 

Eventually it stops. Despite the vampire blood still fresh in his body, he’s exhausted. He’s been exhausted for so long now. Taehyung adjusts, and Yoongi tightens his hold, not ready for him to let go yet, but Taehyung gently shushes him, and he picks Yoongi up easily, and carries him to the couch, so they’re no longer sitting on the floor together. He sits down with Yoongi in his lap again, and he strokes his hair. 

“Yoongi-yah…” Taehyung starts an indeterminable amount of time later. “I want to take care of you.”

“Why?” Yoongi croaks. 

“Because you’re right, I do care about you. And you’re hurting so badly, and you don’t deserve what happened to you. I want to take care of you because I don’t want you to die.”

Yoongi lifts his head and looks up into Taehyung’s eyes. “But… hyung, you shouldn’t have to be the one to give me what I need. I can’t ask that of you…”

“You’re not asking, though,” Taehyung stresses. “I’m offering.”

“But,” Yoongi starts, exhaling harshly. “I can’t give you anything in return.”

“You don’t need to-”

“But hyung! I can’t just take! But my body is so sick, and I can’t keep giving blood. That vampire feeding from me last night shouldn’t have almost killed me, but it did.”

“Yoongi. I don’t want you to give me your blood. Not unless you’re healthy and you want to, but you don’t need to. If you absolutely must do something for me in return, all I want from you is for you to let me take care of you. Be my friend. Let me buy you food. But, Yoongi-yah… you can’t keep going the way you’ve been going. It’s going to kill you. And maybe I just met you, but I was drawn to you for a reason. I want you in my life, I want to know you, and I can’t do that if you’re dead. So please, let me take care of you so you don’t die. It’s okay to need help.”

Yoongi sits up further, staring into Taehyung eyes, still burning, but with passion and concern, rather than anger. He reaches up and cups Taehyung’s cheek, feeling his cold skin beneath his palm. He strokes his thumb over his smooth, pale cheek, and searches Taehyung’s eyes for any hint of doubt or hesitance. He finds nothing. He thinks about what it would mean, to have someone like Taehyung looking out for him, and he’s embarrassed by how quickly every fiber of his being aches to jump at the opportunity. “Okay,” he whispers. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“Okay.” Yoongi leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek, and then winds his arms around his neck to hug him letting himself relax into the comfort of Taehyung’s hold around his back, dwarfing him. “I feel safe when I’m with you,” he says, still whispering, like speaking too loudly will break the calm of the moment after the maelstrom of his breakdown earlier. “I can’t remember the last time I felt safe in someone’s arms.”

“Oh, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung whispers, burying his face in Yoongi’s neck, gripping him tighter. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, not for one moment.”

Yoongi lets himself be held as long as he can stand it, but the relentless energy the blood brings with it is still coursing through him, and after a while he can’t stay still any longer. So he reluctantly pulls away from Taehyung, and stands so he can start pacing again. “What about your Coven?” he says after a few minutes of silence. “What will you tell them?”

Taehyung sighs, and when Yoongi glances at him, he sees him run his hands over his face. “I don’t know. I- I want to do this, I’m going to do this, but I don’t want to involve them unless I have to. They know about you. I told them after I met you. But as far as they know, I’m courting you to be my familiar.” Yoongi’s gaze cuts sharply back toward Taehyung, who winces. “That was my intention. Eventually. To ask you to be my familiar. Obviously, that’s not possible. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable,” he adds softly. 

Yoongi snorts, and stops pacing. Hysteria bubbles up in his chest, and spills out in the form of a laugh that sounds just a little unhinged. Once he starts he can’t stop. He clutches at his stomach, his sides threatening to cramp with the force of his laughter. He squats down again, wiping at the tears leaking out of his eyes. He manages to peel them open and finds Taehyung, who has a kind of confused smile on his face. “What’s so funny?” he asks. 

“Now you’re kind of my familiar. But I- I can’t take care of you, hyung, I’m sorry. I can’t even take care of myself.” He’s still laughing, though not as forcefully. He wants to stop, because he’s afraid if he keeps going he’ll start crying again. 

“That’s okay, Yoongi-yah. I think… I think you can still be my familiar, in a way. We just can’t register. And- And I’ll. I’ll be the one giving you the blood. But I’ll still take care of you.”

“I still don’t see how you get anything out of this,” Yoongi whispers, his laughter stopping, his words hollow. “I’m. I’m a parasite.”

“Yoongi-yah, please stop. You’re not a parasite.”

“I am!” Yoongi insists, his voice rising ever so slightly, the hysteria returning. “I have nothing I can give you in return for what you gave me. What you’re going to continue giving me for some reason. I- I- I can give you my body. Just until I can give you blood in return. I-it should only be a couple more weeks, and then I’ll be better!” He goes back to the couch and sits on his knees beside Taehyung. “I- I know I’m not much to look at, but I know how to make people feel good, I can make you feel good, u-until I can give you my blood.”

Taehyung puts his hand on Yoongi’s sternum when he tries to lean in, and the look in his eyes is somewhere between shocked and horrified. “No,” he says softly, shaking his head. “Yoongi, I can’t let you do that.”

“But why?” 

“Because you’re in no state to consent to anything! You’re high right now!”

“Okay, so after I crash again, then we can fuck. I’ll make it good for you, I promise.”

“No, Yoongi.”

Yoongi’s face falls. “Why? You don’t want me?”

“Yoongi, you’re not hearing me.” Taehyung gently pushes him away, and then stands when Yoongi continues trying to get closer. He cannot be a parasite. No matter what he’s had to do over the last year, there’s always been an equal exchange. If he gets fucked, he gets paid. If he gets bitten, he gets fed. There’s always give and take, but now Taehyung wants to just give, and he won’t accept what Yoongi can give in return and it’s making the hysteria return, only this time it’s mixed with panic rising in his chest and making his heart pound. 

“I can’t do nothing!” Yoongi shouts, still kneeling on the couch, turned to stare at Taehyung. 

“There’s only one thing you can do, Yoongi!” Taehyung yells, and Yoongi blinks in surprise. He sits down on his heels, trying to get his breath under control as Taehyung’s outburst sinks in. Now Taehyung is the one pacing. “I’m sorry, but it’s true and you know it and I know it. The only way to truly help you is to Change you, but I didn’t want to bring that up right now because I understand that it’s been a very difficult night.” Taehyung stops pacing and holds his arms out, helpless. “There is no recovery from your addiction. And it’s horrible that this happened, but it did, and there’s only one way out!”

“I don’t want to be a vampire,” Yoongi whispers. 

“Why? It’s not that bad! And you’d have me, and my whole Coven there to help and support you!”

“I- I- I just don’t. I can’t. I can’t!” They stare into each other’s eyes for a long, tense moment, and the thing Yoongi can’t bring himself to say, but which he’s certain Taehyung already realizes is this: If I become a vampire, I can’t get high anymore. And I love getting high. “I can’t,” he whispers, covering his face with his hands. He slumps over, and Taehyung moves back to the couch, sitting down beside him. He puts his hand on Yoongi’s back, rubbing soothing circles over his knobby spine. 

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Taehyung says softly. “You have time. I’ll make sure you have time. And maybe, we can work something out later so that this feels like a more equal exchange, but right now… Yoongi-yah, you’re sick. And it’s not your fault, you didn’t ask for this. This happened to you, not because of something you did. Not because you told Beomsu that he could drink your blood. You never consented to drinking his blood. You don’t have to do it alone anymore.” Yoongi leans on Taehyung, still feeling selfish, but also feeling overwhelming relief. “You’ve been working so hard for so long now, let me help. Please.” 

Yoongi nods. He has no more fight left. He still doesn’t like it, but there’s nothing he can do. Despite everything that’s happened to him in the last year, Yoongi has never felt more powerless than he does right now. This is the culmination of what his life has become. The beginning of the very end. Taehyung said there’s only one way out, but he was wrong. There are two. Either Yoongi becomes a vampire… or he dies, and that’s something he’s known for a long time now, but it’s never felt so real.

Chapter Text

Swallow me under and pull me apart
I understand, there's nothing left
Pain so familiar and close to the heart
No more, no last, I won't forget

Come back down, save yourself
I can't find my way to you
And I can't bare and face the truth

…

I wanted to forgive
I'm trying to forget
Don't leave me here again
I am with you forever, the end

Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you
There's nothing left to lose
The fighting never ends
I can't face the dark without you

The New York Times
By: Nicole Veer, 7:42 p.m. ET

BREAKING NEWS: New Program for Vampire Blood Addicts Unveiled in France

The problem with vampire blood as a drug is that we now know that it’s the only drug in the world from which there is no chance of recovery - previously addicts had two options if caught by authorities: become a vampire, or die. In most countries it has been decriminalized, but it is still not a legal drug in any country on earth. The French President, Jaqueline Martin has just revealed that after extensive talks with the French Vampire Council, they are set to begin a new program to help vampire blood addicts continue to live as productive lives as they can without having to undergo the Change, or essentially forfeit their lives. 

In her statement, Mme Martin’s program allows for vampires to sign up as ‘sponsors’, who are then matched with an addict who chooses to participate. In return for their fresh blood supply, the vampire is given benefits by the French government (similar to that of the Familiar Program which most countries employ), while the addicts, in return, provide services to their city (whether it be continuing their job for very little to no compensation, or volunteering their time in sectors which need it). 

Officials in many countries were very quick to denounce this program as exploitative, as these people often have no other choice. The Prime Minister of England, Stefan Reeves, was the first to speak out against this new program yesterday. “This program is a complete and utter abuse of power perpetuated by the French government. These individuals are condemned to no better than a life of servitude when the vast majority of them did not choose their addiction in the first place. Vampire blood is not a drug that one can find floating around at parties like cocaine or more common synthetic drugs. The vampire who caused their addiction should be held responsible.” This is, of course, in reference to Reeves’ plan, which was rejected by the World Vampire Council, wherein a vampire found to have caused a vampire blood addiction would be required to Change and raise that newborn vampire.

While many people do condemn France’s new program, many more were quick to remind others that the treatment of these peoples in most other countries in the world is not any better than what France is going to start doing. Currently, the policy shared by many countries in the world, including England, the United States, Spain, and much of Asia, is to treat these people the same as any drug user and hand out prison time. This is, however, without regard to the fact that putting them in prison is a death sentence. 

It is worth mentioning, however, that the World Vampire Council remains firm in their stance that these addicts should have a chance to continue to live as a vampire, but that it is up to an individual Coven to decide if they want to sponsor the addict, and essentially adopt them into their Coven and Change them. In most countries, they are saved by compassionate vampires. 

Yoongi finally stops buzzing in the early afternoon, but he’s still too keyed up to sleep. Taehyung suggests they watch a movie, and Yoongi sheepishly tells him he’s hungry. He can’t remember the last time he ate, because it certainly hasn’t been in the last couple days. So, Taehyung sits down beside him on the couch and together they look through the nearby restaurants on Yoongi’s phone after Taehyung rattles off his address. 

“What do you feel like?” Taehyung asks, his shoulder pressed against Yoongi’s as he looks down at his phone. Yoongi scrolls through the options. He pauses when he comes across Heeae’s shop, and decides to order from her. She was so good to him for a year, and he wants to do his part to give back, however small it may be.

“This is the shop I worked at. Their chicken is really good,” Yoongi says softly. He places the order, and a moment later a message comes through, confirming his order. It’ll arrive in an hour, which doesn’t surprise him considering how far away it is. Then, Yoongi puts his phone away, and he turns his attention to Taehyung’s huge, flat-screen TV as he scrolls through Netflix. 

“Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, his voice quiet, almost hesitant. He pauses in his scrolling, and puts his remote down. “I was thinking… You said you quit your job at the chicken shop.” He pauses, and Yoongi nods, sitting up and away from Taehyung, just a bit. “And earlier… you said you were se-selling your body for money, to pay rent?” Yoongi flushes with embarrassment. He hadn’t wanted to tell Taehyung that part. 

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I’m not proud of it.”

“So, if you don’t have your job at the chicken shop anymore, were you going to… do that. More?”

Yoongi sighs, bringing his feet up onto the couch and wrapping his arms around his knees. “I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t keep going to work every few days and pretend everything was okay anymore.” He catches himself starting to sigh again, and stops it, releasing the breath much more softly. “There was a man who approached me once, months ago, and cautioned me that continuing the way I was, was only going to get me hurt, and he offered to ‘manage’ me so that he could get a cut, and I would have backup.”

“Please don’t,” Taehyung says, his voice small and wounded. Yoongi look at him, and finds him staring down at the remote clenched in his hand, resting on his leg. 

“How am I going to afford my rent, then?” Yoongi whispers. 

“Move in with me.”

Yoongi groans, loud and frustrated. “And add to the number of things you’re doing for me for free?”

“Do you want to have sex with people for money?” Taehyung counters. He stares into Yoongi’s eyes, matching Yoongi’s frustration with his own fire. “Because if you want to, then fine. I can’t stop you. You’re your own person, of course, you can make your own choices - I’m not trying to control you in any way, I promise. But if you don’t want to, I need you to know that you don’t have to.”

“No. I don’t want to,” Yoongi says, his voice low. The silence stretches between them, and Yoongi finds he has to look away from Taehyung’s gaze. It would certainly not be the most impulsive, questionable thing he’s done this last year, moving in with a person he’s only know for a week, and a vampire at that… but does he really have a choice? No. If I did have a choice… what would I do? Yoongi thinks. He looks back up at Taehyung, and his expression softens somewhat. He thinks he might have said yes then, too. 

“Is there anything you used to do for fun? That you haven’t been able to do as much because of what happened?” Taehyung says suddenly, and the question takes Yoongi off guard. He blinks at him for a moment, and then nods. 

“I write music,” he says, feeling almost embarrassed. “I- I rap. I used to do it at this club in Itaewon once a month or so, but… The last time I did was right before Halloween last year, and the owner of the club cheated me out of what he told me he was going to pay, and then suggested that I could earn the rest of it by having sex with him, so I took the money he offered and left, and I haven’t been back since.”

“That’s perfect,” Taehyung says, sounding strangely excited, and Yoongi raises a brow at him. “I’ll talk to him, and you can actually earn what you’re worth doing what you like to do. And if you absolutely must do something in return for moving in with me, you can pay some rent, after you start doing shows again.”

Yoongi stares at him, dumbstruck. But the more he thinks about it… the more appealing it sounds. He likes performing, he likes the rush of the crowd, and how it makes him feel good without any drugs involved. “Okay,” he says lowly. “But I’m going to give everything I get from those shows to you. In exchange for everything you’re giving to me.” Taehyung stares into his eyes for a long moment, chewing on his bottom lip. Yoongi stares at the hint of his fang that’s visible. 

“Deal.” He holds up his hand, and Yoongi shakes it. He feels marginally better about the situation, though it still feels grossly unbalanced. They go back to searching for a movie to watch, finally settling on an old action film. Taehyung presses play and sets the remote down on the arm of the couch and settles in. Yoongi’s still curled up in a ball, a little space between them. He wants to move closer, to settle under Taehyung’s arm and feel safe, but he doesn’t. It feels like a gulf has opened up between them, after what Yoongi offered, and what Taehyung so succinctly rejected. He doesn’t want to cross any more boundaries, and he’s left feeling like he’s stuck in limbo. Taehyung clearly enjoyed kissing him after their second date, but that was before he knew Yoongi was an addict. And then the look on his face when Yoongi kissed him after drinking from him… he wanted him. But he pushed him away.

He’s a good man, Yoongi thinks. He thinks anyone else would have taken advantage of Yoongi in that situation, but Taehyung didn’t. In fact he vehemently put a stop to what Yoongi was trying to do, which was thanking him in the only way he knows how to for something like what Taehyung did. He’s a good man, and I don’t deserve him. 

When Yoongi’s chicken arrives, Taehyung answers the door to pay for and retrieve the food, while Yoongi pulls the hood of the sweatshirt Taehyung lent him up and puts his head down, just in case the driver is someone who would recognize him, and tell Heeae that he’s not actually left town. He returns a moment later, and hands the box to Yoongi before settling back down beside him, this time a little closer. His knee touches Yoongi’s, and their shoulders brush whenever one of them move, and Yoongi relishes the little bit of contact between them. 

They continue watching the movie while Yoongi eats, and though he tries not to, he eats it too quickly, and gives himself a stomachache. When Taehyung comes back from taking care of the box, Yoongi leans against him, curled into a ball with his arms wrapped around his stomach. He groans, and Taehyung takes pity on him, placing his arm around his back and holding. “We’ll work on getting some meat on your bones, okay?” he says softly. Yoongi nods, his cheek dragging against the material of Taehyung’s sweater. “And you can take me grocery shopping so I can stock up on the foods you like. I don’t really know how to cook, though, so you’ll have to teach me.”

“I can cook for myself,” Yoongi says softly, feeling guilty all over again.

“I want to learn!” Taehyung replies cheerily. “It looks like fun sometimes, and I’ve been curious about cooking modern food for a while now.”

“Okay then…” 

“And after the sun goes down, I’ll take you back to your apartment and you can pack your clothes and things. I’m glad I have a guest room, now. It was in case any of my Coven members wanted to crash here during the day, but they haven’t used it for a while now, so it can be your room!” Taehyung sounds… excited about Yoongi moving in with him, and it makes him feel strange. It’s… very clear that Taehyung is not doing this because he pities Yoongi. He thinks about what Taehyung said, that he’d been planning on asking him to be his familiar from the very beginning - before he knew what a mess Yoongi was. Yoongi thinks about the kind of person it takes to double down on their conviction, rather than run away when things suddenly become a lot more complicated than one originally thought. Taehyung always wanted to take care of Yoongi, and now that he’s found out that taking care of Yoongi is going to be a lot harder than he originally thought, he didn’t take it back, or change his mind. Yoongi is not grateful, not exactly. But he is relieved. He just needs to get past the fact that Taehyung is going to be giving and giving, with very little in return - because even if Yoongi makes a decent amount rapping at the club again, Taehyung doesn’t need his money. He’s doing this purely out of the goodness of his heart, and because he does seem to genuinely care about Yoongi, even if Yoongi has no idea why. He realizes just how ungrateful he’s seemed. And in that moment, deep down, Yoongi knows that he is being grateful that, for whatever reason, Taehyung’s decided that he wants to help pick Yoongi up out of the abyss that’s become his life. 

“We can go shopping, too, and get you anything else you need and don’t have,” Taehyung says, turning to look down at Yoongi with a warm smile on his face. Yoongi presses his face into Taehyung’s chest, and moves his arms from around himself to wrap around Taehyung’s torso. He’s only known Taehyung work about a week, and if he really thinks about it, he knows how strange it is that he’s relying on him for so much. He feels guilty about it. Like he’s taking advantage of Taehyung’s goodwill. But… his situation is a little different than what is considered normal. He needs all the help he can get. All the comfort he can get.

“Thank you, hyung,” he says. He hears Taehyung’s breath hitch, and then feels his other arm wrapping around him. 

“It’s my pleasure, Yoongi-yah.” 

Yoongi trudges up the stairs to his apartment, his hands buried in the front pocket of Taehyung’s sweatshirt. Taehyung follows behind him, and Yoongi’s fighting with himself over whether or not he wants to make Taehyung wait outside while he goes in. He’s embarrassed, and yet… is his tiny, old apartment really the most embarrassing thing that Taehyung’s been exposed to as he gets to know the real Yoongi? No. It’s certainly not, Yoongi thinks, and so when they reach his door, he keys in the code and steps in, letting Taehyung step in behind. 

“You can… sit, if you want?” Yoongi mumbles, gesturing vaguely toward the bed, with its blankets crumpled to one side. He has no idea when the sheets were last washed, but he doesn’t have anywhere else to sit - no couch, no chairs. He looks around, trying to decide where to start. He doesn’t have much. There’s one shelf, which, along with the bed, was already there when he arrived. Sitting on the second shelf is a basket full of random items - cords, batteries, q-tips, and some random medicines - with his beloved laptop beside it. He hasn’t touched his computer in months. On the shelf below that are a couple books, ones he brought with him from his old place, but hasn’t touched once since he put them there. And on the bottom shelf are his spare sheets. If it weren’t for his habit of manically cleaning while buzzing, everything would have a thick layer of dust on it by now. 

On top of his wardrobe sits Yoongi’s lone suitcase. Once upon a time, he traveled a bit. In college he went to Jeju a few times, and he went to Japan and Vietnam with his family when he was young. It’s been a long time since he’s been out of the country. And the only time he’s left Seoul in the year since his life changed was the night he stupidly went to Hwaseong, to try to go to the blood farm. You will never tell Taehyung about that, he thinks viciously. 

He goes to the wardrobe and pulls down the suitcase, closing his eyes and turning his face just in time for a cloud of dust to come raining down. “Fuck,” he mutters. He shakes his head and opens his eyes, looking down at the suitcase. He stops himself from using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe the dust away just in time, and instead sets it down on the floor and goes to the sink to wet a paper towel to dust it with. Taehyung watches calmly as he does this, and as soon as he throws the dusty paper towel away, Yoongi sets the suitcase down on the bed and opens it. 

He starts the process of packing up his clothes. A few of his more ‘club-like’ clothes he tosses onto the floor behind him. If he’s going to be moving in with Taehyung, and starting a new chapter of his life, he wants to leave Kitten behind. Hopefully he will never have to be Kitten again. He pulls the black ribbon out of his closet and stops, staring down at it. “What’s wrong, Yoongi-yah?” Taehyung asks softly, and Yoongi inhales sharply, like he’s waking up. 

He clenches the ribbon in his hands and goes to his kitchen area. He yanks open the drawer and pulls out his scissors and immediately starts chopping the ribbon into small pieces. If he wants to leave Kitten behind, then getting rid of that goddamned ribbon is the first step. 

“Yoongi-yah?” Taehyung repeats, concern clear in his voice. 

“The black ribbon means you’re ‘good to go’,” Yoongi says through his teeth as he continues to cut the ribbon into smaller and smaller pieces. “In the 80s, whores started wearing them to show that they don’t care if someone wants sex or blood, because both are for sale.” When the ribbon is no more than small, jagged scraps of fabric littering the floor around his feet, Yoongi puts the scissors away and stomps back over to the suitcase. He stuffs as many of his clothes into it as possible, until it will barely zip, and as he starts to get frustrated with it, Taehyung reaches over and covers Yoongi’s hand with his own. 

“It’s okay, we can make two trips,” he says gently. Yoongi stops, and takes in a deep breath. He nods, staring into Taehyung’s eyes, and trying to derive as much reassurance from them as he can. He starts going through the clothes that he couldn’t fit in the suitcase, and decides which ones he actually wants to keep, and which ones he doesn’t care about. By the time he’s done he realizes they won’t even need to take a second trip, because the few clothes left fit in an empty, twenty liter trash bag. 

He folds the rest of them and puts them on the bed. He likes his blanket, though it needs to be washed, so he folds that as well and puts it on top of the suitcase. He goes to the basket of assorted items on his shelf and digs through it, deciding what he actually needs. He has an old backpack, and he puts his laptop, and various cords inside. He also puts the unopened package of q-tips in, because who knows when he’ll need them? Then he goes into the bathroom, taking another empty trash bag, and tosses his bath products into the bag along with his tooth brush, tooth paste, and hair dryer. Then he takes that back to the bed as well. He looks at his books, and decides he’ll have to come back for them. He doesn’t have a box or something he can put them in today. 

To finish, he ties up the trashbag sitting in the can in the corner and puts it by the door. Then he remembers his shoes in the cabinet by the door, and he opens it and stares at them, starting to feel frustrated again. He doesn’t have many, but he doesn’t want to part with any of them. So, remembering that he needs to wash his blanket anyway, he goes back to the bed, unfolds it, and then starts ferrying all of his shoes onto it. He piles his books onto it as well, and then, for good measure, tosses the last of his clothes onto the pile. Then he gathers the four corners, and ties them up. He glances at Taehyung as he does this, and if he thinks it’s strange, thankfully he doesn’t say so. 

“Okay, I think I’ve got everything,” he mumbles, looking around. His apartment, which was already fairly empty, is now mostly bare, and Yoongi’s ready to be rid of it. “Can you help me?” 

“Of course,” Taehyung says, popping up from the bed with a wide smile on his face. Together, they ferry everything down to Taehyung’s car, and then Yoongi goes back up one last time. He knows he should make sure it’s clean and completely empty before he ends his lease, but he cannot bring himself to care one bit. The few clothes he’s leaving behind, along with the sheets on the bed, and the extra sheets from the shelf, sit on the bed forlorn, and Yoongi sneers at them. He glances at the kitchen, double checking there are not dishes in the sink, and then he opens the fridge and stares at the bottle of sriracha and bottle of soju. He leaves them there. 

He grabs the trash bag sitting by the door and takes it downstairs with him, not looking back once at his old, disgusting building. He tosses the bag onto the curb, and then climbs into Taehyung’s car, slumping back into his seat and sighing as he rubs his hands over his face. “Ready?” Taehyung asks, and Yoongi nods without moving his hands. He feels the car start to move, and he pulls his hands down to rest them in his lap and watch Itaewon pass by him. 

Yoongi used to love this neighborhood. He loved how quirky it is, and he loved the aesthetic. But now… Itaewon represents some of the lowest points in Yoongi’s life. Every club and motel he’s frequented in the last year is the site of some depraved act he was forced into in order to survive - be it fucking or feeding. Sure, there are some clubs and motels in Gangnam as well which hold those memories, but there certainly aren’t as many of them. Taehyung drives them back to his building, and he backs into the small driveway beside the building. 

They bring everything upstairs, and deposit them into the guest room - “Your room now, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says cheerfully. Then they leave again, walking side by side down the street toward the nearest grocery store. There’s a Homeplus Express not too far away, and the whole way there Taehyung chatters about what all they’ll need. “I don’t have any dishware, or cutlery. Then we’ll need food, as well. Oh god, pots and pans. Mixing bowls. Knives.” He’s starting to sound stressed, and Yoongi reaches over and wraps his hand around Taehyung’s elbow. Yoongi’s bundled up in his thickest coat, but Taehyung, who doesn’t feel the cold, is wearing only a sweater. 

“We don’t have to get everything all at once, hyung,” Yoongi says, chuckling at Taehyung’s enthusiasm, despite his somewhat dour mood. He’s still not exactly happy that he agreed to move in with Taehyung, or to essentially let Taehyung care for him like a child, but… now that he’s free of that wretched apartment, the direct result of his downward spiral, he feels somewhat free. Like he really can turn over a new leaf. Yeah, he’s still addicted, and he’s still going to be relentlessly swinging back and forth between high and craving for the rest of his life - or for as long as Taehyung tolerates him - but, for now, he thinks… perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to allow himself the relief of Taehyung’s generosity. Even if he does still feel like a parasite. 

They arrive at Homeplus, and Taehyung grabs a cart, leaning his forearms on it as he pushes it forward, smiling and giggling like a little kid. Yoongi raises his brows at him, and Taehyung snorts. “I’ve kind of always wanted to go grocery shopping!” he says, and Yoongi only feels more confused. “I don’t know, I just see people in the movies going grocery shopping and the foods look so interesting. And I guess… it helps me feel more modern? I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to get to feel a little like a human again. Now I feel dumb,” he adds, looking down at the cart and Yoongi immediately panics. 

“You’re not dumb, hyung. I- I- Before… everything happened, I used to like grocery shopping. It’s. Um, satisfying, I think.” He puts his hand on Taehyung’s forearm, and ducks his head to look into his eyes. “Have you ever been in a store like this?”

“Yeah, of course,” he laughs softly. “For decorating and furnishing my apartment. But, obviously, there are certain things I’ve never needed. You’re the first human that’s ever been in my apartment - aside from like… the gas inspector, and the one human who came once when there was an issue with my shower.” 

Taehyung’s smile is back, and Yoongi calms. He squeezes Taehyung’s arm once, and then walks faster, placing himself by the nose of the cart. He grips it and then starts to direct them through the store. He goes first to the kitchenware section. There’s a whole aisle of plates and bowls and silverware, and Taehyung picks out which set he wants with an excitable gleam in his eye and a smile on his face. As Yoongi watches, a blossom of warmth grows in his chest, and he finds himself genuinely smiling, something he has not done much of recently, except in the company of the vampire who is currently comparing spoon designs. He thinks about what Taehyung said, when they first arrived at the store. It’s a whole lot more comforting than Yoongi might have thought it would be, that something good could come from this situation, even if all it is, is Taehyung gets to experience something they both consider ‘normal’. 

“Yoongi-yah, which ones?” he says, holding up two different options. One has a kind of flowery design on the long, flat metal handle, and the other has a metal head, but a smooth, light brown wooden handle. 

“Which plates did you choose?” Yoongi asks, looking into the cart. Taehyung chose plates that have a flower design. “Go with the flower handle, hyung. It’s pretty.”

“Okay!” He puts the wooden spoon back, and grabs two spoons, as well as two forks, and two sets of chopsticks with the same design. “Now, cups,” he muses, moving down to the other end of the aisle. Yoongi takes over pushing the cart, and as soon as Taehyung picks which cups he wants, he continues around to the next aisle, where the pots and pants sit. Yoongi follows diligently, laughing softly when he realizes that he’s not going to be able to stop Taehyung from getting everything they need in one trip. They’re going to have to take a taxi back to his apartment. But it’s fine, Yoongi muses. Taehyung is having fun. And if Yoongi’s going to be a burden on him for the foreseeable future, Taehyung should at least be able to get some enjoyment out of it. 

He does talk Taehyung out of getting the foot and a half deep soup pot, though. “Hyung, even if I want soup, we won’t need that much.” 

“Okay, okay, you’re right.”

They go to the food section, next, and it takes even longer. Taehyung has endless questions about all the pre-packaged food items they encounter - which ones taste best, which ones are healthier, which ones are the better option for the price, and Yoongi patiently talks him through it all. 

It feels so… domestic, and the stark contrast between shopping with Taehyung tonight, and begging a strange vampire to give him his blood two nights ago nearly has Yoongi’s head spinning. How can everything change so fast? he wonders as he pushes the cart behind Taehyung through the fresh produce section. 

“Hyung, don’t get too much fresh stuff,” he cautions, and when Taehyung quirks his head in confusion he explains, “I- I can’t eat that much at one time. And it’ll go bad.”

“Right,” Taehyung says, shaking his head, and setting the second bag of onions down. Yoongi thinks that one bag of onions is too many, but he figures he can cook them all and use them for different dishes over a few days. 

“Most people go shopping every couple days for fresh stuff, and just get a little each time,” he says. Taehyung nods, his lips pursed as he considers two bushels of bananas. “I really like tangerines,” he adds softly, and Taehyung turns sharply toward him, his eyes widening. He puts the bananas down, and looks around wildly for a moment. Then he takes off, and Yoongi follows, chuckling as Taehyung locates the tangerines. He puts a mesh bag of the tangerines into the cart, and then stares into the cart, taking stock of what they have. 

“What else do we need?” he asks, looking up at Yoongi with such an endearingly innocent look in his eyes that Yoongi’s heart aches. He feels like he’s dreaming. None of this feels real. He looks down, taking in the fresh foods, as well as a few other various items - some pre-mixed soup packages, a box of cereal, a jug of milk, bread, jam, kimchi, some spices, and a sizeable bag of rice. The cart has gotten quite heavy, and Yoongi’s getting tired. Right around this point of his high is typically when he passes out for a solid twelve hours, but he wanted to make it through at least most of the night before passing out, so he can sleep as much of the day away as he can. 

“Some meat, I guess,” he says, and Taehyung nods, wrapping his long fingers around the edge of the cart and pulling away from the produce and toward the meat section. “Hyung, don’t you have to work tonight?” he asks as the walk. 

“I make my own hours. And I don’t have any open jobs right now, so I’m just not taking clients for the moment. It’s alright, don’t worry about me, Yoongi-yah.” He looks over his shoulder and smiles reassuringly at Yoongi before turning back around and directing them toward the meat. 

As soon as they reach it, however, Taehyung grinds to a halt, his whole body shuddering. He turns around, his sleeve-covered hand coming up to cover his nose and mouth. “What?” Yoongi asks, eyes wide with alarm. 

“All that raw meat, it just smells a lot like blood over here. Animal blood, but still. Little uncomfortable.” 

“Oh,” Yoongi says, furrowing his brow. “Well, here, take the cart toward the checkout, and I’ll grab some meat and meet you.” He turns the cart, and pushes it directly away from the meat section a bit, and Taehyung nods, pulling it away with his hand still over his nose. Yoongi grabs a double package of chicken breast, and follows, catching him halfway to the check out. 

“That was fast,” Taehyung remarks, back to cheerful. 

“Yeah, don’t need much,” Yoongi replies. He places the package of chicken into the cart, and grips the side as they walk toward the checkout. Considering the late hour, the grocery store isn’t very busy, and there are no lines at the checkout. Yoongi suggests Taehyung purchase a few of the reusable bags, and then busies himself with packing them while Taehyung makes smalltalk with the cashier. Yoongi’s eyes bug out of his head when she reads off the total, and Taehyung hands over his card without a second thought. He could throw up. 

They get everything into six bags - as most of the food items fit into a bag and a half, and the dishes, pots, and pans in the others. The only thing that doesn’t fit into the bags is the tall package of toilet paper - something Yoongi’s glad he remembered, because Taehyung wouldn’t have. He carries the toilet paper and one bag, while Taehyung handles the other four, one of which containing the heavy bag of rice. “Yoongi-yah, are you okay to carry those, or should we get a taxi?”

Yoongi’s body is protesting, screaming at him yes, get a taxi! but he nods. “I’m okay. It’s not that far. Are you okay with those?” 

Taehyung snorts. “I’m a healthy, young vampire. This is nothing.” He lifts them up twice, like he’s weightlifting, and smiles at Yoongi, who rolls his eyes. 

“Okay, let’s go then. I’m tired.”

It doesn’t take long to arrive back at Taehyung’s apartment - home? Yoongi thinks, the strangeness of the whole situation still hitting him again and again. He doesn’t know how long it’ll take to grow used to it all. Or if he ever will. They unload the bags together, and Taehyung has even more fun deciding where everything goes. Yoongi leans against the counter, watching him. 

He’s certainly a strange creature, Yoongi muses. He gets excited about grocery shopping, and being domestic. He was so quick to help out a practical stranger - even if they had been on two dates so far, the limited information Yoongi was able to give before last night ensured that he remained a stranger to Taehyung, even if he hadn’t quite realized it until he got the full story. He talks about his Coven with the most adoring expression on his face, and it’s so obvious that he loves them dearly. He has an unknown, though large amount of wealth, and yet he lives in a modestly sized apartment, filled with warmth, and plants. He got an apartment with a second bedroom, in case any of his Coven wanted to spend the night. Yoongi feels the depth of just how good he is, and all it does is send a stab of guilt and disgust through him as he remembers just how much he does not deserve someone like Taehyung. 

Maybe it’s not all about you, though, Yoongi reminds himself harshly. His brow furrows slightly, and he thinks about what Taehyung told him on their second date. I want companionship, and to have someone to talk to. Someone to help fill this endless time that I have… I’m lonely. Yoongi knows a little bit about being lonely. So, he decides, if what Yoongi can do for Taehyung is ensure that he doesn’t feel lonely, then that’s what Yoongi will do. Even if he doesn’t understand why Taehyung wants him as his companion. Even if he doesn’t deserve Taehyung. He can still do his best. That is something he can do. 

“Hyung, I’m going to go unpack,” he says, trying not to dwell on how strange it feels to need to unpack his things in someone else’s house. 

“Okay, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung replies, smiling. He’s finished putting the kitchen in order, and he folds up the reusable bags and puts them in the cupboard. Yoongi leaves the kitchen and goes to the spare bedroom. He flicks on the light and takes in the sparse décor, compared to the rest of the apartment. His heart sinks a bit. He intended this room for his family to use, but he said they rarely do. Taehyung must have been very lonely, to want to seek out human companionship. 

He makes quick work of unpacking his things, and as soon as his suitcase is once again empty, he slides it under the bed. There is no shelf, but there is a small desk with a wooden chair in front of it, so Yoongi puts his books and laptop on top, and sets the backpack, still containing the miscellaneous cords and knick knacks onto the floor beside it. All he has left are his shoes, and he carries them in two armfuls to the front door. Taehyung, sitting on the couch on his phone, watches him quietly. Once his shoes are taken care of and put away neatly, Yoongi retrieves the blanket, as well as his sole towel, and bundles them up. He carries it back to the living room. “Hyung, where’s your washing machine?”

Taehyung leaps up and leads him into the back of the apartment, where a door Yoongi hadn’t noticed before leads out onto a kind of laundry room with a large window that overlooks the alleyway below. There is a washing machine occupying the small space on one side, and a short door that leads to a small balcony on the other. Yoongi hands Taehyung the blanket when he reaches for it, and Yoongi stands awkwardly as Taehyung starts it. Once it’s going, they return to the living room, and while Taehyung sits back down on the couch, Yoongi stands in the middle of the room, unsure what to do now. It’s a little after three in the morning, and he’s exhausted. 

“Yoongi-yah, why don’t you take a bath? And then you can go to sleep?” Taehyung suggests, smiling, a tender look in his eyes. “You look tired.”

“I am tired,” Yoongi sighs, running his hands through his hair. 

“Go,” Taehyung urges gently. “The sun comes up in a couple hours anyway, so we can both sleep all day and tomorrow night we can do whatever we want!” Yoongi drops his hands to his sides, and nods. 

“Okay, hyung. I’ll- do that.” Yoongi turns and starts trudging toward the bathroom.

“There are fresh towels in the cupboard under the sink!” Taehyung calls after him. 

“Thanks.” He shuts the bathroom door softly behind himself, and turns away from the mirror to take his clothes off. He folds Taehyung’s sweatshirt nicely, and places it on the counter behind him before shucking off the rest of his clothes and leaving them in a pile on the floor. He peels the bandage off of his neck without looking at it - he doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to see yet another scar branding him. He starts the bath and sits on the edge of the tub, testing the temperature with his fingers. Then he climbs in, shivering when his skin touched the cold, dry parts of the tub. 

Yoongi spends a while soaking in the bath, letting his mind float away, and just enjoying the hot water. Excepting for when Yerim would make him take a bath before she fed, it’s been a very long time since he was last able to take a bath because he wanted to - and in fact, he can’t even remember the last time he was able to take a bath in privacy. He’s gone to the sauna quite a few times, and in fact he used to try to make a point of going at least once a month and treating himself. But a solo bath? Must have been the last time he traveled, and the hotel had a bath tub. He knows that the motel that Jiwoo most often takes him to has tubs in the bathrooms, but he’s never in a state where he can take the time to enjoy them when he’s there. 

Now that he has Taehyung… will Yoongi ever see Jiwoo, Yerim, or Dohyun again? He’s vaguely surprised when he realizes that he’s not upset about that in the slightest. Yerim always took care of him, but he won’t miss her desire to baby him. He won’t miss how clinical his meetings with Dohyun always were. And he certainly won’t miss Jiwoo’s treatment… Then it occurs to Yoongi that the next time he has sex, it might actually be because he wants to, and not because he has no other choice, and that thought overwhelms him a little. He slides down in the bathtub and submerges himself entirely, his hands gripping the sides of the tub to keep him under, and if any tears slip out, no one will ever know. 

When he comes back up, he takes a deep breath, bringing his knees up close to his chest, and leaning his forehead on them. He cannot fathom just how much everything has changed, nor how quickly. It’s only been four days since his second date with Taehyung, only a week since their first, eight days since they met each other at Sugar. In eight days, Yoongi’s entire life has been turned completely upside down. Eight days ago, Yoongi was in a near constant state of panic, wondering when the next time he would meet one of his three vampires, wondering who he’d meet at the clubs who might just fuck him and go, or if he’d finally meet the person who would take too much, or who would kill him. Now… he’s sitting in a nice bathtub, in a nice apartment in Gangnam, and he didn’t have to fuck anyone to get here. He didn’t have to lie to anyone, or promise anything he didn’t necessarily want to give. 

He has a comfortable bed to sleep in. Food to eat which is more healthy than fried chicken or convenience store kimbap. He has the blood, and while he and Taehyung haven’t explicitly talked about that part, Yoongi thinks Taehyung will be willing to give it to him whenever he crashes. He has the opportunity, for the first time, to get it without having to give his own blood first, which will, hopefully, give his body a chance to heal as much as it can. It makes him feel… hopeful? He’s not sure if that’s the right word, because there’s still no hope. Even if he wanted to stop drinking the blood, he couldn’t. Unless he was Changed… He rips his thoughts away from that, an almost physical recoil as every cell in his body rages against it. Yoongi takes a deep breath, picking his head up from his knees and looking up at the ceiling, stretching his neck. Even despite the slight panic he knows he will always feel when he thinks about the fact that he has no chance of recovery without becoming a vampire, the power of his relief over his new situation overwhelms him and he spends a while crying it out, his forehead pressed against his knees. His tears drip into the bath water and disappear immediately, as if they were never there. 

When his tears finally stop, he unplugs the drain, stands and turns the shower on so he can wash his hair and body - borrowing Taehyung’s products, since he forgot his own in his room - and then climbs out and towels off. The mirror is fogged over, so he swipes a hand across it and comes face to face with his reflection. He stares at the man standing there, trying to recognize himself. Not the addict, who’s been to hell and back in the last year, but Yoongi. The aspiring architect. The shy poet, who’s more than often alone, but is a good friend when he’s given the chance. He reaches up and runs his fingers through his soft, freshly conditioned hair. He picks it up, considering it. He’d never dyed his hair before Yerim suggested that she’d like him better with blond hair. He puts his hair back down, smoothing it over his scalp with his fingers. Maybe I should dye it back to black… Then he finally looks at his neck, where the vampire bit him two days ago - has it really been two days since that happened? 

There’s no fresh mark. No healing scabs, or even pink scars. He was mostly out of his mind when Taehyung was taking care of it. Did Taehyung lick over it? So that his vampiric saliva could help it heal faster? Yoongi can’t remember, but that’s the only thing that could have made it heal so quickly. 

Exhaustion washes over him. It’s been a very long two days, and now that he’s firmly moving into the second day since he last drank the blood, he know he’ll actually be able to sleep tonight. So, he dries himself the best he can, and then wraps the towel around his waist. He picks up his clothes in a bundle, and then carefully picks up Taehyung’s sweatshirt. He leaves the bathroom, and goes back out to the living room, where Taehyung is still sitting on the couch, frowning down at his phone. 

“Um, here’s your sweatshirt back. Thanks for letting me wear it,” he says, setting it on the arm of the couch. Taehyung put his phone down on his lap when Yoongi emerged, and he stares up at him. He glances down to the sweatshirt and then back up to Yoongi. 

“You can keep it. If you want?” he says, starting strong, but finishing shyly, like he’s second guessing what he just offered. Yoongi blinks. He stares down at it, clenching the soft green fabric in his hand. He picks it back up. 

“Okay… if you’re sure?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s really comfortable…” He takes a step back, the sweatshirt clutched to his bare chest. “Thanks, hyung.”

“You’re welcome, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung returns with a warm smile. 

“Good night, then.”

“Sleep well.”

Yoongi goes back into the bedroom. He locates a pair of his comfortable sleep pants and a loose, old and soft t-shirt. Then he puts on Taehyung’s sweatshirt again. He turns off the light, crawls into bed, and without a second thought, he falls asleep.

Taehyung sits very still on the couch, staring ahead. He heard the soft click of Yoongi turning his light out, and then heard the bed shift beneath him, and then nothing. Taehyung hopes he was able to fall right asleep. He should be able to, considering he didn’t sleep all day, or all night last night, or, ostensibly, at all the day before. 

His head is absolutely swimming, and on top of everything that’s happened now sits the knowledge of the aberration named Shin Beomsu. Taehyung searched through a few private information servers, ones which only registered vampires have access to, and where they can get their news straight from the Council without needing to let the humans be privy to it, and he found out who the vampire who ruined Yoongi’s life is. He found an announcement from the Korean Vampire Council, denouncing one Shin Beomsu, who was found guilty of forcing a blood addiction onto several humans. Yoongi wasn’t the only one that man preyed upon, and it makes Taehyung’s head spin. He was expelled from his Coven, and taken to the only prison in Korea which currently holds vampires; thankfully, it’s not often needed. 

It’s in an unknown location, somewhere in the middle of the country. So even if Taehyung wanted to go ask him why, he couldn’t. He wants to do much worse than just ask him why, however, so perhaps it’s good that he can’t go pay him a visit. 

Taehyung rubs his hands over his face, and for the second time in one day, he wishes he could cry. It would be such an easy way to relieve the emotional pressure building in his chest, pressure which caused him to yell at Yoongi yesterday morning. Pressure which has been steadily building again since then. He wants to scream, wants to throw something, and then he wants to be able to just cry, to let go and break down the way Yoongi did yesterday. Despite how gut-wrenching it was to hear his heavy sobs, to feel the way Yoongi held him tight as he poured out his every negative feeling through his tears, he can’t deny the fact that after Yoongi was finished breaking down, he seemed like he felt marginally better. Taehyung can’t do that. 

What kind of monster will do that to someone? What kind of monster will find someone at a club - someone sweet, and innocent, and kind like Yoongi - and decide to ruin their entire life in one fell swoop? Taehyung’s still trying to process the entirety of Yoongi’s story, but he can’t really do it. He can’t… can’t fathom how he was able to make it through the last year of his life the way he did. What he had to do just to keep himself alive… Taehyung shakes his head, trying to keep his thoughts from spiralling. That won’t help anything. Won’t help Yoongi. 

At least I got him to accept my help… Got him to agree to move in so I can take care of him. It’s not exactly how he wanted to get Yoongi to move in with him, but… It is what it is. There is nothing Taehyung can do to change the circumstances they find themselves in, and dwelling on the fact that quite literally everything he thought he knew about Yoongi was wrong, and what he wanted out of their budding relationship is impossible? That won’t do him any good. 

Now… Taehyung has to focus on how to get Yoongi to accept the fact that he needs to undergo the Change. Taehyung can’t feed his addiction forever. But on some level… he understands why that seems unfathomable for Yoongi right now. His entire being is addicted to his drug, and he cannot see reason. It doesn’t matter if it’s Yoongi’s only option - because to Taehyung, death is not an avenue he will even consider - because Yoongi’s brain is screaming at him that as soon as he Changes, he can’t get high anymore, and that’s all that matters to him. He is quite literally unable to make that choice, as far as Taehyung knows. It occurs to Taehyung that he might… have to take that choice away from him. 

But no! He can’t do that! Not when the choice to get where he is now wasn’t his to begin with! No, somehow, he’s going to have to get Yoongi to make that choice on his own. To say yes on his own. So, all Taehyung has to do now, is figure how he can do that. And he will. He’s entirely unwilling to let go of him, not when he’s only just gotten him. 

Yoongi is strong, he thinks. He has to be, or he wouldn’t have made it this long. So he’ll see, eventually, that this is the only way. I will make him see. He is strong, and he will survive this.

Chapter Text

An unforgivable tragedy
The answer isn't where you think you'd find it
Prepare yourself for a reckoning
For when your world seems to crumble again
Don't be afraid, don't turn away
You're the one who can redefine it
Don't let hope become a memory
Let the shadow permeate your mind and
Reveal the thoughts that were tucked away
So that the door can be opened again
Within your darkest memories
Lies the answer if you dare to find it
Don't let hope become a memory

A rare sit down with an ancient vampire

By Catrina Murphy, senior editor at Time Magazine

On the whole, it’s generally accepted as taboo to ask a vampire how they came to be the way they are. Usually, it’s not a very pretty story to tell, and they generally, though not universally, prefer to keep it to themselves. 

Humans have always been - almost incorrigibly so - curious creatures. So many people in this world have dedicated their lives to the study of the past, and so when we found out about vampires eighty years ago, many people got scared, or upset. But many, like my grandfather, got very excited. These beings are immortal, and there are many among them who are very old. They have watched the world change and grow, have watched history happen. They are an incredible resource for us to learn more about our history. Now, it’s not often that a vampire will consent to sit down with a human and tell them all they know, but in the last few decades, a few have joined the history departments at universities like Oxford and Cambridge here in England, as well as at Stanford and Yale in the United States. There is also a vampire professor at the Seoul National University as of three years ago. These individuals are uniquely qualified to teach about our world’s history because they were there for it. They have an insider’s perspective. 

The vampire I sat down with is not one such individual, but that does not make them any less qualified to teach us about our histories. His name is Gareth, and he was born in 852. He is a man of average height who wears his chesnut brown hair short now, in the style of modern English men. Just looking at him, he looks no different from any other 21st century man in his mid thirties you might see walking down the street. This is a vampire’s greatest strength, I believe: their ability to blend in completely, with the only visible differences being their teeth, and their eyes which reflect the light, and allow them to see in the dark.

Gareth met me at a cafe, and we sat at a cozy table in the corner where we would not be bothered, and he would be able to tell his story. We spent a little bit of time first getting to know each other - he asked about my life and my schooling, and then we finally settled down to really dig into his story. 

Catrina: So, Gareth. I was surprised when you reached out to me.

Gareth (laughing): Yes. I thought you might be. 

Catrina: What made you want to sit down and talk with me, to tell me your story?

Gareth: I’ve noticed a trend, lately, of vampires refusing to talk about ourselves, to tell our stories. I believe that this only further separates us from humans. We have for so long been in the dark, hiding, and now that we no longer need to hide, there are so many who continue to do so. This does not make humans want to accept us. So I had hoped that by talking with you, and sharing my story, that I could perhaps inspire some others to do the same. 

Catrina: That’s wonderful, Gareth. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to speak with someone of your knowledge and experience. Are there very many vampires who are as old as you are?

Gareth: Unfortunately, there aren’t as many of us still remaining today. Of course, I don’t know exactly how old the majority of my friends and acquaintances are, but I personally only know two others who are near to my age. 

Catrina: Why do you think it is that there are so few ancient vampires left?

Gareth: Oh, that word… (laughing) I do suppose ancient is the correct way to identify me. But to answer your question, age has a way of… well, let’s just say that there is perhaps a reason that humans only live for around one hundred years. It’s quite difficult to get to be this age and retain the will to continue soldiering on. 

Catrina: If you don’t mind me asking, how did you? One thousand one hundred and sixty-eight years is a very long time. 

Gareth: I don’t mind. And you’re right, it is a very long time. I suppose… for me, it was a desire to continue to see how things change. I’ve always been a very curious person, all the way back to my boyhood. Of course, the first several hundred years of my life were quite tumultuous here in England, and a great many things were changing quickly and constantly. I thought, if that many things can change in just a few hundred years, what can happen in a few hundred more? And a few hundred more after that? And I was not disappointed. The world is unrecognizable now, and I got to see it all happen. I am grateful for that, even if I was not at first. 

Catrina: Would you tell me about how you were Changed? You don’t have to.

Gareth: Ah, my story is quite unremarkable. My family were farmers in Northumbria. My parents were killed by the Great Heathen Army when they first invaded, but I managed to escape that slaughter, to live with the Danes as they occupied Britain. I was set to live out my life as any other Saxon man, when I was Changed one entirely normal night on my way home from a tavern in, I think it was around 885. I was thirty-three years old. The vampire who sired me was a lonely Dane, who was Changed after he first arrived with the rest of his men a decade earlier. He was stranded, unable to return home without being found out due to the sun, and he wanted a companion. I had no one, no wife or kids, no family left, and so he Changed me, and that was that. He became a great friend, once I finished being angry about the Change. He is no longer with us, but we were great companions for almost five hundred years. 

Catrina: What did you do after you were Changed? It must have been difficult to remain hidden back then. 

Gareth: It was a challenge, that’s certain. But Harald had some money, how he came to obtain that money I never asked, though I had some ideas. Believe it or not, we purchased a tavern. It was not so unbelievable that we were only seen at nighttime, then. Every ten years or so we moved to a new town and opened a tavern, so as to escape detection. Because we did not age, you see. We squirreled away every bit of money we earned and lived by drinking from travellers. It is not something I enjoy thinking about now, in this age where we can simply go to a blood bank and get everything we need, but that’s how it was for us for a very long time. Eventually we had enough saved up that we decided to get out of the tavern business and simply live our lives. We traveled all over England, and eventually bought a ship and traveled back to Harald’s homeland - though by the time we got back to Denmark, it was not the place Harald left. We traveled around Europe for a great long time, until perhaps sometime in the early 1400s when Harald decided to meet the sun. 

Catrina: I’m sure that was very difficult for you, I’m sorry.

Gareth: Oh don’t be sorry, it happened a very long time ago. I mourned him, and I moved on. I met other vampires, learned their stories, and told them mine. Eventually I went back to England, perhaps in 1680 or thereabouts, and bought a house in London, where there were a great many people crammed together, and where I could always find someone to sustain me. I stayed in England after that, and I watched it change and grow. I watched the language change, watched the people change. When the American Revolutionary War happened, I considered figuring out some way to get myself there, so I could help - though considering we lost, I’m glad now I didn’t. 

Catrina: What do you think was the most interesting change throughout the centuries?

Gareth: There are so many… but one of the most striking things to me was the globalization of the world. Before, when foreigners came to your lands, it was almost always to conquer, to kill and steal. But then, as we became more able to communicate with our neighbors, we started creating more allies and fewer enemies. I enjoyed watching humans growing and learning from each other, rather than remaining close minded and insular. Then the Great War happened, and the English Council of Vampires was formed to begin talks about what we, English vampires, wanted to do about it. Because by then, the war and fighting wasn’t just affecting the humans, it was starting to affect us as well. To affect the way we could live our lives. In countries all over the world, these similar councils began forming. And that’s why in 1935, when things started to look like they were heading toward another global war, the oldest vampires in each country met up to discuss what we wanted to do. 

Catrina: Were you among those who gathered? That was the formation of the World Vampire Council, correct?

Gareth: Yes, it was. And yes, I went. By then I was one of the oldest English vampires still alive. It took almost a month of squabbling each and every night before we came to the decision to reveal ourselves. 

Catrina: Was there a fairly even split, those for and those against?

Gareth: At first, there were a great many of us who were for doing nothing, and letting it resolve itself again. I wanted to reveal ourselves, and there were three others who were for it the whole time, a Spanish vampire named Santiago, a Russian vampire named Vasilii, and a Korean vampire named Namjoon. Between the four of us, we somehow managed to convince the rest to agree with us, that it was time to be finished hiding in the shadows, and watching the humans kill each other as if we were not also human once. Namjoon, the Korean vampire, was vehemently for coming out of the shadows. He was, and still is today, a surgeon. I was amazed, somehow he and one of his progeny managed to make it through medical school in the 1920s, and they worked among the humans. He claimed that there was no reason for us to skulk about in the dark when we could live the lives that were, for the most part, stolen away from us, that he wanted that for himself and his Coven, and I agreed with him. So did Santiago, and so did Vasilii, and eventually, so did the rest. 

Catrina: Did you fight in the war?

Gareth: I did.

Catrina: You mentioned that Korean vampire’s progeny, did you ever sire another vampire, yourself?

Gareth: No. I did not. And I’m glad for that. It’s a great responsibility, siring another vampire. It’s not dissimilar from a human having a child. That newborn vampire needs their sire’s guidance to help them not accidentally walk into the sun, or get themselves caught by killing the wrong person. It’s also quite a grand psychological shift that happens once one joins our ranks. It takes a long time to come to terms with the fact that they can no longer eat food, or go in the sunlight, two of the most simple joys that humans take for granted. Then there is the long walk into eternity we are faced with each and every night. For some, it comes to be too much. Some, like Harald, my beloved Maker, cannot bear eternity. I do crave the companionship of a Coven, from time to time. 

Catrina: What about familiars?

Gareth: Now, familiars are something I have had many times throughout my long life. I love humans. I always have. And from time to time, in the last thousand years, I was able to find a human who did not fear me, and who was my companion for their lives, and who sustained me. I am eternally grateful to them for that. I never liked killing.

Catrina: Do you have a familiar now?

Gareth: Not now, no. My last familiar passed away in 2003. She was eighty-two years old. 

Catrina: Did she provide blood right up until the end?

Gareth: Oh, no. Certainly not. I stopped taking the blood from her when she was perhaps seventy, and merely cared for her after that. 

Catrina: What do you think about the new program in France, where a vampire can sign up to provide blood for a vampire blood addict, so that they don’t have to die, or be Changed?

Gareth (sighing heavily): I believe that whole program is inherently flawed. 

Catrina: May I ask why?

Gareth: Well, for one I believe it’s cruel to the human. I’ve seen what a vampire blood addiction can do to a human many times in my life, and it is no way to live. Especially not the way they’re going about it. Their program has the vampire drinking from the addict first and then giving them the vampire blood, which creates a much more intense high that lasts much longer - but only for perhaps two days, before the human crashes and needs more. This means that the human is being fed on every three to five days, and that is… absolutely unendurable. Their bodies can manage it because of the vampire blood, but the human grows so sick in the meantime. They can barely eat, they can barely sleep, and all they can think about is the blood. They’re near perpetually in the state of mind a newborn vampire is in for the first month of their lives or so, when all they can think about is human blood. But for a newborn vampire, that goes away, and they can begin to think like rational beings again. But a human addicted to vampire blood, so long as they are alive and still human, they are stuck in a never ending loop. I cannot imagine the kind of psychological toll that must take on them, to be so constantly in a state of… I don’t know, panic, it must be. I understand that there are many who believe it’s more humane to allow them to continue their human lives, but personally, I believe that if the vampire who did that to them is not willing to step up and take responsibility for that human, then letting them die is a much more humane way to help them. Because so long as they are human, and addicted to the blood, there is no helping them. I am grateful to the vampires who do step up and adopt these poor creatures to Change them, and allow them to live, but… I have met a young vampire who was once a human addicted to the blood, and she was not happy. She was plagued with the things she endured while afflicted with the addiction, the things she had to do to get the blood. There are unfortunately many vampires who will provide the blood to these humans in exchange for their blood, who don’t care that they are perpetuating this human’s suffering. I find it deplorable. I know that not every human addict who is changed will have the same kinds of struggles that this young woman had, but her situation is a kind of cautionary tale to me. It’s a very difficult situation, on both sides, with a lot of gray area.

Catrina: Do you think you would ever adopt one of these humans? To help them?

Gareth: I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility. In the past, I did not want that responsibility, but I’m starting to realize that it may not be my place to refuse it any longer. Not when I have the benefit of my years of experience. I do hope that the Conseil des vampires puts a stop to that program soon. I hope that they can see quickly that it is not a good thing that they’re doing, but is actually cruel and unusual punishment for these poor humans who did not choose to have their lives ripped away from them so quickly. 

When Yoongi emerges from his room, soft afternoon light streams in through the window in the living room. The curtain was closed when he went to sleep early, early in the morning, but now they’re pushed open so Yoongi can see out over the street below. There are soft, everyday sounds coming from outside - people walking up and down the street, talking. Yoongi didn’t really take the time to look around any of the times he arrived here, so he doesn’t know what’s around. He guesses there are cafes or restaurants around. He ignores the outside world, for now, and takes in Taehyung’s living room. 

The room itself isn’t overly large, but it is fairly long. Along the left-hand wall, looking in from the kitchen, sits the comfortable couch. The space in the middle is open, and the hardwood floor is covered by a large, white, rectangular rug. To the left of the couch, on the opposite wall is the window, which is tall, and about a meter wide. To the right of the window, and on the wall opposite the couch, sits the flatscreen TV, mounted to the wall. Beside the TV on either side are shelves, and they’re filled with books. Yoongi goes to the closest shelf, and rakes his eyes over the titles. There are all the classics, as well as quite a few books on interior design. But alongside those, Yoongi also finds books on things like advertising, business, accounting, engineering, and one book on knitting. He chuckles at the book on knitting, dragging a finger over the spine. It’s smooth, the corners still sharp. That book hasn’t seen much use. He remembers that Taehyung told him he’s tried many different career paths over the time he’s been able to work in the human world. 

On the other bookshelf, he finds several books in English, as well as a large collection of books about art. There is one, however, on the end, which doesn’t quite match the others. It’s older, and worn. The title isn’t printed over the spine, so Yoongi tips it out so he can see the cover, and his brows rise as he reads, A Vampire’s Guide to Courting a Potential Familiar. 

“I didn’t know they’d published books about that,” he mumbles, putting the book back. He looks away from the bookshelves, and notices a cabinet beneath the TV. It’s filled with DVD cases, and he squats down to pull the cabinet open and see what Taehyung has. There are a lot of older films, and a lot of them foreign films - not just American or English films, but he sees some titles which he thinks are in French, and others in languages he doesn’t recognize off the top of his head. He closes the cabinet, and stands up again, making sure to go slow, so he doesn’t get a headrush. He feels… okay, but he doesn’t want to push it. He slept peacefully, and deeply, and he feels rested today, but he’s reaching the point where he’ll start teetering on the edge of the end of his high soon. Though he knows it’s silly, part of him thinks if he moves slowly enough, he’ll be able to delay the end of his high a little longer, like perhaps getting his heart beating faster will cause his body to produce human blood faster, and it’ll overtake the vampire blood still in his system more quickly. He does not want that.

He looks about the room, at the myriad plants around. Some are sitting on the floor, by the window, and there’s one sitting on the table in the corner, beside the couch, but what Yoongi looks at now are all of the hanging vines bordering the walls of the room. Some of their vines hang down, but others were manipulated to go from one hanging basket to the next. There is a second bar above the curtain rod, where other vines were encouraged to wrap around and grow along it. It’s beautiful. Yoongi appreciates Taehyung’s taste. 

His stomach rumbles, not too strongly, but just enough to let Yoongi know that he’s hungry, and he looks down at it, almost surprised. He can’t really remember the last time he actually felt hungry. He glances at the kitchen, thinking about all the food he and Taehyung bought last night. But he remembers how excited Taehyung seemed about the idea of cooking with him. Something in his chest softens at the thought, and so he decides to pour himself a bowl of cereal instead, and wait until after the sun goes down and Taehyung wakes up to cook a real meal. 

After he’s done eating, he washes his bowl and spoon, dries them, and puts them away, and then he stands in the doorway to the kitchen, not quite sure what to do now. Before… at this point he would be getting himself ready for a night out, trying to find one of his vampires. It’s always easier when he’s able to head off the crash. If he didn’t find one of them, he would likely flirt with random men and women to get free drinks out of them, and get drunk. Or he would put on his ribbon and go to work. Yoongi’s lip curls as he thinks about that ribbon. Never again. 

He’s not used to really having free time. He’s not used to having time where he doesn’t need to be hustling toward something. So, in the absence of the urgency his new life affords him to live without, Yoongi decides to do the only thing he knows how to do: he decides to work. But this time, his work looks like retrieving his old notebook and a pen from his backpack. He takes them to the couch, and sits on the far side, by the window, feeling the warmth of the late afternoon sun warming his skin.

He spends a long time reading through his old lyrics. Some of them are from before everything changed, and as Yoongi reads them, he tries to remember the man who wrote those words. That Yoongi wrote about things like his drive to succeed, and how hard work and loneliness go hand in hand, but this Yoongi scoffs. “You didn’t know loneliness,” he whispers to the words on the page, as if by speaking to those words written by a younger version of himself, he can speak directly to that Yoongi. He draws his knees up closer to his chest, his heels digging into the couch. He wishes he could go back in time. He wishes he could go back and tell that Yoongi that he wasn’t lonely. Not really. Not enough to warrant going with a group of coworkers he didn’t even really like that much to a dance club that fateful night. That Yoongi hated clubs. He never went because he didn’t want to. But he went that night, because he thought he knew what loneliness was, and he feared it. 

But this Yoongi knows loneliness. This Yoongi has known what it feels like to have no one. 

But now you have Taehyung, he thinks, his expression softening. And you don’t deserve him, but you’ve somehow gotten lucky in this terrible mess you call a life… 

He turns the pages of his notebook until he reaches the first blank page, and he starts to write. 

Eventually the sun sets, and Yoongi turns on the lamp. Not long afterward, Taehyung emerges from his room. Yoongi looks up from his notebook, expecting to see grogginess, like someone who’s just woken up, but Taehyung looks as awake and alert as if he’d been up for hours. He guesses it’s a vampire thing. “Hi,” he says, his deep voice gravelly. 

“Hi, Yoongi-yah. Did you sleep well?” Taehyung sits down, crossing his legs on the couch, and adjusting his pajama pant legs, which have gotten twisted around. His hair sticks up on one side, likely the side he slept on all night, and Yoongi wants to reach over and smooth it down, but he resists. He can’t help but think that had their relationship been able to grow like it was trying to, before everything changed, that kind of gesture would have been welcomed. But now, Yoongi doesn’t know where they stand, and he doesn’t like it. It sends a sour feeling through him. 

“Yeah, I slept like a rock,” he says, tapping the top of his pen on the page and scratching behind his ear. He can feel that itch starting up just beneath his skin. It’s faint, so much so that he’d be able to ignore it for a long while, if he weren’t sitting so still, if he weren’t so focused on his body in the absence of anything else to focus on. 

“That’s good, I’m glad. Is the bed comfortable enough?” Taehyung asks, and Yoongi nods right away. “Good, good.” Taehyung sighs softly. “What are you working on?”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung, and then stares down at his notebook for a long moment. “I’m trying to write a song. I woke up a few hours ago, and didn’t know what to do, so I thought I’d work.”

“Can I see?” Yoongi’s eyes widen slightly, and he pushes down on his instinct to say no immediately. He’s never shared his songs before they’re completely finished, but… isn’t that simply because he never had someone to share them with before? Taehyung’s smiling, and there’s an innocent curiosity in his eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t want to share it yet. I understand,” he says softly. 

“Um… no. No, you can read, if you want…” Yoongi says, making a choice. He hands over the notebook, still open to the page he’s been writing on. “If you can read my handwriting, that is.”

Taehyung takes the notebook, and laughs. “Wow, this is nearly illegible,” he says, teasing. 

“Well, fine, give it back then,” Yoongi replies, a small, but genuine smile on his lips. Taehyung holds the notebook closer. 

“No, I said nearly illegible. I can still read it.” Taehyung turns his smiling eyes away from Yoongi, and looks down at the page, starting to read. Yoongi watches, only a little anxious, as Taehyung’s smile fades into something contemplative. The song… Yoongi doesn’t even know, right now, exactly what it’s about. He’s simply trying to capture the vague, amorphous feeling in his chest, and recreate it in words. It’s not exactly a nice feeling, and so the words he’s found to try to describe it aren’t exactly nice words either. Taehyung runs a hand through his hair, sitting up. He hands the notebook back, with something like pain in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi whispers, taking the notebook and closing it. 

“Why are you apologizing, Yoongi-yah?” Taehyung says softly. 

“I don’t know. I- I write about what I feel, and right now… I don’t feel a lot of good.”

“That’s okay.” Taehyung nods. “You’re coming out of a very dark time in your life. But things can get better, from now on. We’ll make sure of it, okay?” Yoongi stares into Taehyung’s eyes for a long time, trying to absorb as much of his optimism as he can. Something about his wording sticks with Yoongi. You’re coming out of a very dark time in your life. He said coming out of, and it’s then that he’s once again struck. Things are different now. They don’t have to be so terrible anymore…

“Hyung,” he says, finally, and Taehyung quirks his head to the side. “I want to dye my hair.”

“Oh! Didn’t you just get your roots done, though?” 

“I did. Before our first date. But… The only reason I kept it blond anyway was because Yerim decided she wanted me to have blond hair, and told me if I wanted her blood, I would dye it. So I did.” He forces himself not to look away, even as Taehyung’s expression hardens a bit at the mention of Yerim. “But I want to make it black again. The way it used to be.”

“Okay. Do you want to do it now?” Yoongi nods. “Then let’s get dressed. I’ll call my salon and see if my usual stylist has an opening tonight.” Yoongi blinks. But then he figures it makes sense. Taehyung’s hair obviously isn’t naturally honey blond, he is Korean, after all. 

“Does a vampire’s hair… grow?”

“Yeah. So long as we’re not starving ourselves. Our hair and nails grow at about the same rate they did when we were still human.”

“I… didn’t know that.” 

Taehyung snorts. They both stand. “Yeah, Hollywood likes to pretend that we’re little more than animated corpses, but we’re not.”

Yoongi gets dressed, deciding to wear one of his own hoodies, leaving the green one Taehyung gave him folded neatly on his pillow. He puts on a pair of thick socks, considering it’s still January, and freezing cold outside, along with his thicker winter coat. He puts on a beanie, to keep his ears warm, and emerges back into the living room, where Taehyung is standing talking on the phone. 

“You do? That’s great, thank you Hyemin-noona. Yes, we’ll see you in an hour.” He hangs up, and turns to beam at Yoongi. “She has an opening in an hour!” Yoongi smiles.

“Awesome.”

“Are you hungry? Let’s go eat something before it’s time.”

Yoongi sits quietly while Hyemin, Taehyung’s stylist and a vampire who has apparently been doing his hair for decades now, works on him. She explained that she has to dye it with a filler color, or else the black dye won’t hold, so she’s going over it with a brownish red dye first, and afterward, she’ll make it black. Yoongi honestly has no idea about dyeing hair, but he trusts her. If someone like Taehyung trusts her experience, then Yoongi has no reason not to. 

“How’s Jimin-ah?” Hyemin asks, glancing at Taehyung, who’s sitting in the empty chair beside them. Yoongi watches him in the mirror, and he smiles at the mention of his friend. “He’s about due to have his roots done, when is he going to come see me?” she pouts. Taehyung laughs. 

“He’s good, he’s just been really busy. I saw him a week and a half ago, or so.”

“Aish, your Coven is so full of big important types these days,” she bemoans. “How can you all stand to be apart for so long? I couldn’t not live with my Coven.”

“It’s hard, but I figure it’s only temporary,” Taehyung replies, shrugging. “Everybody wants a job now because we can have one, but my guess is they’ll get bored of it after a while, and it can be a bit like it used to be. Oh!” he exclaims, interrupting himself. Yoongi’s brow furrows, and Taehyung turns to the mirror to look into Yoongi’s eyes. “This is one of Jeongguk’s new songs!” He points to the ceiling, and Yoongi listens. 

“I heard this one on spotify,” he says. “I like it.”

“He’s doing so well these days!” Hyemin says, excited, though she purses her lips. “Though now he’s a big famous idol, he doesn’t need little old me to do his hair anymore. Hoseokie came in the other day, though. Now there’s someone who needs a day off!”

Yoongi contents himself with listening as Taehyung and Hyemin gossip about Taehyung’s Coven. Hyemin finishes with the filler color, and after taking her gloves off she puts her hands on his shoulders and looks into his eyes in the mirror. “Do you want something to drink, sweetheart? Coffee? Water?”

“Oh, I’m- I’m okay.”

“Nonsense. What would you like?”

“She doesn’t take no for an answer,” Taehyung chuckles. 

“Coffee?” Yoongi whispers. 

“What kind? Latte? Americano?”

“A-americano? Hot?” She smiles at him, squeezing his shoulders, before standing up and getting her assistant’s attention and telling her to go to the cafe across the street. “Alright, we’ll leave this on for about a half hour, and then we’ll come back and do the black, okay?”

“Okay.” She walks away to grab another client, and then shoos Taehyung out of the chair. Yoongi stands as well, and they both walk outside to the small porch in the front of the salon, despite the freezing air - he took off his coat when they arrived, but he’s still got his thick sweatshirt on. He knows he won’t be able to stay outside long, but after the chemicals from the hair dye he needed some fresh air. Plus, it helps Yoongi feel like he’s alive. Like he’s awake. The salon is tucked away, off the main road but the street below is lined with cafes and small boutiques. There are a few people walking around below, and none of them spare them a glance. 

“Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, leaning his elbows on the railing in front of them, and looking over to him. “Do you want to meet my Coven?”

Yoongi thinks about it. On the one hand, he does. He wants to meet the people Taehyung considers family, the people he’s closest to in the world. He wants to meet the people who make Taehyung happy. But on the other, he’s terrified that they’ll see right through him. That they’ll see him for the parasite he is, taking and taking from Taehyung, with nothing to give back. 

“I would like you to meet them. I think they’ll like you,” Taehyung adds, smiling, and something in Yoongi’s chest tightens. 

“What’s there to like?” he grumbles. 

“Oh come on, there’s a lot to like,” Taehyung responds softly. 

“Like what?” Yoongi challenges, his brows furrowing slightly. That itch is growing stronger with every passing hour, and he takes a deep breath, before his souring mood causes him to snap at the only person in his life he can trust. 

“You’re a very strong person, that’s one. Even if you don’t feel strong all the time. You’ve made it this far. You’re kind. You’re talented. I haven’t heard you rap, but I read those lyrics earlier, and even if they’re just a rough draft, I can feel them. You’re funny. Not to mention you’re beautiful.”

Yoongi purses his lips, looking away. He clenches his hands around the railing, and stares at his bony, white knuckles. “I don’t feel beautiful,” he whispers. “Not after the hell I’ve put my body through. I used to be a healthy person. I would work out sometimes, and I ate well. I didn’t drink too much, and I didn’t smoke. I still don’t really smoke, thankfully, but… I don’t eat, and I spend hours and hours wandering around while I’m buzzing, and my knees and ankles and hips hurt, and my shoulders click when I rotate my arms, and my hipbones and ribs jut out so far… it’s grotesque.” He grimaces, just thinking about what his body looks like and he hates it. “Not to mention all the symptoms that come with my anemia,” he adds quietly.

“That’s an easy fix,” Taehyung responds softly. Yoongi nods. “We’ll cook good meals, and even if you don’t feel hungry all the time, you can eat a little. Work your way back up to eating regular meals. And unless you were anemic before, that should resolve itself in time.” Yoongi exhales a deep sigh, nodding again. Hyemin’s assistant returns, then, and hands him his americano with a smile, and he takes it with a bow. He takes a sip, and allows himself to savor the bitter taste. 

“I haven’t had coffee in a while. I almost forgot how much I love it.”

“Yet another thing I never got the chance to try!” Taehyung exclaims with a laugh. “What does it taste like?”

“Hmm,” Yoongi considers. “Well, americanos are espresso mixed with water, and espresso is really bitter.”

Taehyung makes a face. “That doesn’t sound good at all.”

“It is, I promise. Though, I guess espresso, and black coffee in general aren’t for everyone. A lot of people only drink coffee with sugar added. It’s good, but it’s too sweet for me. Lattes are espresso mixed with milk, and then some people add other flavors, like chocolate to make mochas, or peppermint or hazelnut. I do like hazelnut coffee.” Yoongi takes another long sip, and closes his eyes, swallowing slowly. He shivers. “Let’s go back inside?”

They make their way inside, and Taehyung leads him to a couch in the corner, and he sits on the edge, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs. He sips his coffee, and shivers as his body adjusts to the change in temperature from outside to the warm salon. Taehyung sits beside him, close enough that their knees touch, and Yoongi automatically leans into the touch. He sits up slightly, and turns to look at Taehyung. “To answer your question, I do want to meet your Coven,” he says quietly. “I’m just worried they’ll be able to see right through me.” Taehyung holds his gaze for a long moment, staring deep into his eyes until Yoongi needs to look away, lest he fall right in. 

“I don’t think they will,” Taehyung finally says. “Clearly, I didn’t realize what was going on until you told me.” His deep voice is soft, keeping their conversation private even though there are a few other people in the salon with them. “I could see that you weren’t very healthy, true… but I didn’t guess the reason why. And I don’t think my Coven would either. So I don’t think you need to worry about that.” Yoongi nods. “But if you want to wait a while, that’s okay too.”

“That might be best,” Yoongi mumbles. 

“What do you want to do after your hair is finished?” Taehyung says, brightening his tone, clearly trying to shift Yoongi’s mood, which was veering toward morose, toward something lighter. Yoongi appreciates that, even if the itch growing under his skin is making it difficult to feel bright. He doesn’t know what he wants to do, but… He can do anything, now. Taehyung has a car, and money, and Yoongi’s drug. So long as they’re together, Yoongi has everything he needs. 

“Is there anything you want to do?” Yoongi replies, turning the question around on him. 

“Well… there is an exhibition at the Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art that I’ve been wanting to see. Do you have any interest in art?”

Yoongi purses his lips thoughtfully, and nods. “Yeah, I used to like art. I’m sure I still do. Shall we go, later?” Taehyung’s answering smile is wide, his eyes crinkling around the corners like Yoongi likes. “Have you always been interested in art, or is that a more recent development?”

“When I was still human, there was a painter who lived nearby my parents’ house. I used to sneak over and watch him work. It was fascinating, the way he could make such intricate and beautiful paintings from nothing. When I was around sixteen, I finally got caught spying one day, and I asked him if he would teach me. He was an older, fairly cantankerous man, but he agreed, and he started giving me lessons. Then, after Jimin was Changed, and I was too, we left Seoul, and I never saw him again.”

“Are any of his paintings still surviving?”

Taehyung shakes his head, the corners of his mouth tipped down in a small frown. “He never received the recognition he deserved for his talent, unfortunately.”

“Did you keep painting?”

Taehyung sucks in a deep, slow breath, and when he releases it, Yoongi can feel how heavy it is. He recognizes that he’s stumbled into something which is very important to Taehyung, but also very complicated. “I did, for a long time. But…” He stops, chewing on the bottom of his lip with one of his fangs. Yoongi watches the sharp tip dig into his skin, and he longs to reach out, to tug it free before Taehyung breaks the skin. So he does. He gently rests his fingers along Taehyung’s jaw, and with his thumb, he lightly pulls down so Taehyung’s lip slips free from under his fang. His eyes bore into Yoongi’s, and there’s something there that Yoongi can’t quite identify. He looks away, so Yoongi does as well. “When we revealed ourselves to humans, and a lot of us offered to help fight in the war, I did too. Japan had already been occupying Korea, and Korean vampires were almost unanimously for joining the war effort. A lot of us had already seen so many invasions in our lifetimes, but this one felt different, and we didn’t want to see Korea stay under Japanese rule. So my Coven all fought in that war, and it was terrible. And then afterward, when humans rejected us after accepting our help in the war… that was a dark time for us.” Yoongi nods, frowning. He remembers learning about that in high school, the way humans worldwide so succinctly denied vampires any semblance of personhood. They were called monsters, aberrations, devils, anything but the people that they once were. There were five - or was it six? - years where vampires went back into hiding, even though they couldn’t undo what they did when they revealed themselves. Then it hits him - Taehyung fought in the war? He stares at him, eyes wide. He knew that many vampires did, but he’s never known one who did - or, if the vampires he knows did, they never told Yoongi. They never had a reason to tell me… 

“I tried to paint… after the war. But I was really angry, and I hated everything I painted. And after two hundred years of painting and loving to paint, I was afraid of hating it. I was afraid that if I kept trying to paint something I was happy with when I just couldn’t then, that I would start to hate it. And I’d rather not paint, than hate painting.” Yoongi’s breath rushes out of his lungs. Taehyung is sitting with his hands in his lap, and Yoongi reaches out to rest a hand on his forearm. 

“I can understand that, hyung.”

“I have… have been feeling, lately, like I might want to try again. I’m in a much different place than I was back then.”

“You should try, then,” Yoongi encourages. Taehyung’s smile returns, and Yoongi melts, a little.

“Okay, Yoongi-yah!” Hyemin’s voice cuts through the moment. “Let’s finish your hair.” She gestures toward the chair in front of the sink, and he goes to let her wash the filler color out. 

Several hours later, Yoongi stares at himself in the mirror. His hair black again, and a feeling rising in his chest has him confused. It’s a pressure, leaning on his sternum and creeping up his throat. He looks into the mirror, and sees who he used to be, if only for a moment because even though his hair is how it used to be, his face is still too thin, too angular. His body still hurts, like it always does these days, and that itch is still there, just under his skin. But, for a moment, he sees the Yoongi he thought was dead. It’s haunting, like he’s seen a ghost. 

“What do you think?” Hyemin says, smiling widely as she runs her fingers through his hair, her long, beautifully manicured nails scratching his scalp every so often. 

“It looks great, thank you,” he says, feeling hollow. 

“As always, noona, you do wonderful work,” Taehyung says, and Hyemin looks at him in the mirror, scrunching up her nose as her smile grows slightly. She unsnaps the button holding the cape around Yoongi’s shoulders and pulls it off. She didn’t cut his hair, and Yoongi’s glad he won’t have to worry about those tiny hairs which always seem to fall under the cape and scratch at him under his clothes. She sweeps Yoongi’s bangs up off of his forehead, watching the soft strands fall back down, the fluorescent lights shining on the black, and then she pats his shoulders and walks over toward the counter with her register. Taehyung follows, but Yoongi stands from the chair and steps closer to the mirror. 

He looks deep into his own eyes, trying to find that ghost of who he once was again, trying to capture him and merge that Yoongi with this one. Because if he can begin to look like himself again, maybe he can start to feel like himself again. His own death no longer feels like a looming shadow, stalking his every step, but it’s still there, just out of sight. But… even if he cannot change the fact of his addiction… maybe he can get some of the threads of his old life back. He reaches up and rests his hand on his cheek, trying to imagine it once again filled out, round and healthy. Can I have that again? he asks himself. Do I deserve it? His brow furrows. I do… maybe… I didn’t choose to be this way. I didn’t choose to throw my life away. But… maybe I can choose to try to get it back. He clenches his jaw, and drops his hand to his side again. 

He’s done everything he can to try to leave behind the person he became after he met Beomsu. And perhaps he will never quite get back to the way he was before then, but maybe, just maybe, he can find a comfortable middle, and he can live there, and be happier. 

Yoongi wanted to enjoy the museum. He tries, but halfway through the exhibit, the itching under his skin turns into an ache - the familiar feeling of his body beginning to cry out for the blood. Taehyung notices, but when he asks if Yoongi wants to go home, he declines. He doesn’t want to take that away from him, not because of his problem. So they stay a bit longer, and finally, two hours before sunrise, they finish walking through, and Taehyung claims he’s ready to go home, and Yoongi resists the urge to sigh in relief. 

As they drive home, Yoongi sits slumped in the passenger seat, trying to figure out how to ask Taehyung for the blood. He doesn’t know how to do it without being coy and flirty, without enticing it from him. Taehyung is quiet, and Yoongi thinks he might be thinking about the exhibit, but when he rolls to a stop at a red light, he looks over to Yoongi, and says, “You need it, right?” Yoongi’s eyes widen, his lips parting in surprise. “It’s okay, if you do. You said it’s about every three days that you need it, right? It’s been about three days since I gave it to you last.”

“Yes,” Yoongi rasps, the prospect of getting the blood setting him on fire. 

“I thought that’s what it was,” Taehyung whispers, more to himself than to Yoongi. “If I remember correctly,” he says then, “You might need it more often now, since I won’t be feeding from you first. I remember reading an article last year, and it said that the high isn’t as intense when the human still has all of their blood, and doesn’t last as long, but I’m not sure how long it will last.” 

Something animal inside Yoongi recoils at that. “You could,” he says, his voice deep with want. “You could feed from me first. I-I-I want you to.”

“No, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, sounding tired, and Yoongi grimaces, embarrassed and irritable. “I won’t help make you sicker, not when I’m trying to help you get healthy. I don’t mind giving it to you more often. But… I think it would be a good idea to stop by the bank before we go home.” He means the blood bank, to fill himself up before he gives it to Yoongi.

“Okay.”

Taehyung turns on his blinker, and when the light turns green he makes a U-turn and starts driving toward Jung Blood Bank. When they arrive, he pulls into an open space on the curb across the street. “Stay here, okay? Humans aren’t allowed inside.” Yoongi nods, and Taehyung leaves, sweeping across the street on long legs. He disappears inside, and Yoongi pulls his feet up onto the seat so he can curl himself into a ball, as small as he can manage. He hates himself for slipping like that, for allowing himself to practically beg Taehyung to bite him. He lost control, and Yoongi hates that. He hates losing control of himself. He’s always prided himself on being a person in control of his life, of himself but in one night that control was wrenched from him forcefully and he’s never quite been able to get it back. Not when it comes to the blood. Not when the blood owns him, body and mind, the way it does. Yoongi’s fingers slide through his soft, newly dyed hair, and he clenches around the roots, pulling hard and relishing the sharp pain which pulls him back into the moment. 

Taehyung returns twenty minutes later, and when he climbs back into the car, the first thing Yoongi notices is how rosy his cheeks look. Yoongi saw him drinking blood on their first date, but clearly the paltry amount they serve vampires at restaurants wasn’t enough to affect him, not like the amount he must have drank inside. “Did you see Hoseok?” he asks softly as Taehyung puts the car in drive again, and pulls away from the curb. 

“No, he’s more than likely already gone home for the day. They’re about to close anyway. All blood banks close an hour before sunrise.”

“That- That makes sense.”

“Let’s go home,” Taehyung says, cheerfully, as if he hadn’t just had to deny Yoongi twenty minutes earlier. The drive home passes quickly. There’s not much traffic at five in the morning, when most vampires are already home for the day, and the humans who hold a regular, diurnal schedule aren’t yet awake. Taehyung pulls into the carport beneath his building, and they both climb out. Yoongi’s hands shake, and the closer they get to the inside of Taehyung’s apartment, the more his thoughts are taken over by his desire for the blood. Even if he could have made it another day before he started to feel truly desperate for it, the knowledge that he’s about to receive it makes the cravings so much worse. But he forces himself to keep pace with Taehyung, to not rush ahead and reveal just how much he wants it. 

Taehyung punches in the code to his apartment and they step inside. Yoongi feels like a tightly coiled spring as he takes his boots off, his fingers shaking so hard it takes longer than it should. Taehyung takes off his coat and hangs it on the tall, coat rack standing in the corner of the entryway, and Yoongi follows suit. Yoongi bites his lip, trying to hold in the begging words which are trying desperately to escape, but Taehyung just smiles at him and reaches out. Yoongi takes his hand, and lets Taehyung lead them through the living room to the couch. Then, without any more preamble, Taehyung pushes up his sleeve and brings his wrist to his lips. Yoongi watches hungrily as Taehyung bites down, easily breaking the skin, and when Taehyung puts his other arm around Yoongi’s shoulders and pulls him in Yoongi lets him. Once he’s nestled into Taehyung’s side, Taehyung puts his wrist in front of Yoongi’s mouth and he latches on, his eyes fluttering shut as he starts to drink. 

Immediately, it feels different. It doesn’t wash over him like a tsunami wave all at once, tumbling over him and ripping away all sense of up or down - instead starts to lick through him like a slowly spreading fire, building and building. It’s still orgasmic, and Yoongi can’t control the moan that escapes as he swallows mouthful after mouthful. But he doesn’t feel like he’ll float away as soon as he stops. When Taehyung pulls away, Yoongi lets him go, and he blinks his eyes open, reveling in the fact that he’s not incapacitated by the beginning of his high, like he usually is. This must have been what it meant, that the high isn’t as intense without having been fed on first. And sure, the orgasmic feeling isn’t quite as life-altering as it was before, but it’s still heavenly. Yoongi slumps against Taehyung, breathing in deeply, a faint smile on his face as he revels in not being in pain, in the pleasure coursing through his veins as the blood makes its way through his body. 

Taehyung brings his wrist up to his lips again, to lick over the wound, and after he’s done he wraps his arm around Yoongi, holding him the way he held him through it the first time. But, Yoongi’s not floating on a river of endorphins this time - he’s still present in the moment, in control of himself. He feels so good, and the only thing he can think about is wanting to make Taehyung feel good too. To thank him, yes, but also just so he can join Yoongi in his high in any way he can. 

He shifts, turning so he can look up at Taehyung, whose eyes grow wide when Yoongi doesn’t behave the way he’d expected him to after drinking the blood. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t immediately push Yoongi away when he lifts his chin, curling an arm around Taehyung’s neck and pulling him down into a gentle kiss. It’s nothing like the frantic, hard kiss after the first time Yoongi drank from him, and perhaps that also takes Taehyung off guard, surprises him enough to kiss Yoongi back just as gently. Or, maybe, he wants this as much as Yoongi does. His arms tighten around Yoongi, holding him closer, and Yoongi turns even more, so that their chests are pressed together, and his fingers slide into Taehyung’s hair. Taehyung opens his mouth, and Yoongi follows easily, a soft moan escaping as Taehyung’s tongue slides along his. He shifts again, this time moving so he’s sitting on Taehyung’s lap, and Taehyung lets him. 

It’s much more intimate this way, with Yoongi perched on his thighs, their chests still pressed close together, only the fabric of their shirts separating skin from skin. Taehyung’s arms are wrapped around his waist, and his own are around Taehyung’s neck, the fingers of one hand tangled in his hair, and the other dipping down the collar of his shirt to feel the soft skin of his shoulder. Yoongi is hard, and he doesn’t know if it’s from the kissing or the blood, but he feels no burning need to do anything about it, not right now. He loves kissing Taehyung. Loves the way Taehyung’s arms are strong around his waist, holding him in the one place where he feels safe. Loves the way Taehyung’s lips feel against his, the way his tongue feels against Yoongi’s, in his mouth. He feels surrounded, filled with Taehyung, his tongue and his blood, and there is one more way he could be filled with Taehyung, and he wants that, but he’s content with this for now. 

They kiss for a long time, their eyes closed to the rest of the world. All that exists is Taehyung and Yoongi and the way they feel against each other. But the rest of the world does still exist, and eventually Taehyung must open his eyes, because he pulls away. Yoongi kisses his cheek, and then his jaw, and moves down to his neck. “Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung whispers. Yoongi hums, not stopping. “The sun is coming up, and the curtain is still open.”

“Close it,” Yoongi says against the smooth, white skin of his neck. 

“We should stop.” 

Yoongi pulls away, pouting. “Why?”

“Because you’re high, Yoongi-yah. I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Taehyung responds, his voice quiet, and Yoongi registers the hint of fear in it. Yoongi softens. 

“I’m a lot less high than I usually am after drinking the blood. And you’re not, I promise. I wanted to kiss you before I drank from you. And I know you wanted to, too. Please, Taehyung,” Yoongi breathes. Yoongi can see how conflicted Taehyung feels, and he wishes there were something he could do to show Taehyung he’s telling the truth. “Please,” he breathes. “I haven’t been with someone I actually wanted to be with in so long. And I want to be with you.”

“We shouldn’t,” Taehyung says, the words coming out so softly. 

“Do you want me?” Yoongi stares into his eyes, and he watches Taehyung fighting with himself. 

“I do,” he whispers fervently into the space between them. “I have, ever since I first saw you. But things are different now.”

“They are,” Yoongi concedes. “But they’re better now. Now you know everything. I have no more secrets. There’s nothing hidden between us anymore, and if we’d been together before you knew, then there would have been so many secrets. I would have been lying to you, but now I’m not. And I’m telling the truth when I say that I want to be with you. I know you’ll take care of me,” he adds, leaning in, touching the tip of his nose to Taehyung’s, and then ghosting it over his cheek. He presses another kiss to the corner of Taehyung’s jaw, and then one right at the top of his neck. Taehyung’s next exhale is shaky, and he slides his hands down to Yoongi’s waist. For a moment, Yoongi thinks he’s going to push him away, but instead he wraps one arm around his waist again, and slides another under his ass, and then he stands with Yoongi in his arms. He wraps his legs tightly around Taehyung’s back.

“Are you sure?” Taehyung whispers, staring hard into Yoongi’s eyes. Yoongi can see the hesitation there, but if he’s right, it’s not because he’s not sure, but because he thinks Yoongi’s not sure. Yoongi strokes at his hair, smiling softly down at him. 

“I want you.”

“Okay, Yoongi-yah.” 

Yoongi kisses him again, a hand once again in Taehyung’s hair as Taehyung walks them back into Taehyung’s bedroom. It’s so dark once Taehyung closes the door that Yoongi can’t see anything, but Taehyung navigates to the bed easily. He lays Yoongi down gently, and then he’s gone, lost in the darkness. But then a lamp comes to life, and Yoongi can see again. Taehyung’s room is sparsely decorated, but the bed is big and soft, and around it are four curtains, drawn on all sides except one. Yoongi finds he likes it. It feels more intimate. “This is your den?” he asks, smiling, and Taehyung laughs. 

“Yeah, this is my lair,” he jokes. He crawls onto the bed, looming over Yoongi for a moment, just staring. “I will take care of you, Yoongi-yah. You deserve to be with someone you want to be with, and I’m honored that it’s me. I’m going to show you how you deserve to be treated by someone who gets the privilege to be with you in this way.” His voice gets ever so slightly more rough as he speaks, as he grows more heated, and it sparks an intense want in Yoongi’s belly. He reaches up and puts his hands on either of Taehyung’s cheeks, his legs drawing up and spreading easily, and Taehyung comes down to kiss him passionately, taking the control again, like he did the last time they kissed. Yoongi thinks that maybe he doesn’t mind giving up control, not like this. Not so long as it’s his choice. And he’s gladly choosing to hand over the control to Taehyung. He trusts Taehyung. 

Yoongi reaches down to tug at the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt, and Taehyung pulls away fast, rips his shirt off, and then comes right back. Yoongi wraps his legs around Taehyung’s hips, and tries to pull him in, to press their cocks together. He wants to feel him, wants to feel if Taehyung is as hard as he is, but Taehyung resists, keeping his pelvis away for now. Yoongi whines softly, but Taehyung’s hand in his hair, tugging gently, stops him. 

When Taehyung pulls away, Yoongi lets him go, breathing heavily as he stares up at him. Taehyung starts to push up the hem of his sweatshirt, and Yoongi sits up just enough for him to pull it and his t-shirt beneath off. Yoongi shivers as the chilled air of the room touches his bare skin, and his nipples tingle as they harden. After he tosses Yoongi’s clothes away, his hands come to feel over his chest. Yoongi moans softly as his thumbs ghost over his pebbled nipples. He spreads his legs wider. “Hyung,” he says. 

“Say my name,” Taehyung rasps, staring down at him with hungry eyes. 

“Taehyung,” Yoongi breathes, and Taehyung growls softly as he comes back in to capture his lips in another fierce kiss. He presses down over Yoongi’s body, their chests flush, skin-to-skin, and Yoongi can feel through their pants that Taehyung is hard. He shivers again, but this time it has nothing to do with the cold. Taehyung kisses him with authority, but he’s so gentle. His hand is soft around Yoongi’s jaw, his thumb nudging him to open his mouth wider so he can sweep his tongue in, and Yoongi goes easily. 

Yoongi’s used to being handled, being manipulated bodily, moved into any position that will please his partner. But Taehyung’s touches feel like suggestions, like little questions that Yoongi can choose to answer or not. He knows that if he wanted to, he could take the control right back, could roll them over and do whatever he wants to Taehyung - and that in and of itself, is enough to make Yoongi melt right into the bed. Knowing he can have the power is all he needs to relinquish it. 

Taehyung’s hair is soft under Yoongi’s fingers, and his hands start to roam over his body. Yoongi shivers again when Taehyung’s fingers ghost along his sides, and Taehyung pulls away. “Are you cold?” he asks, his voice soft and full of concern. Yoongi smiles, and shakes his head. 

“Just sensitive,” he whispers. Taehyung smiles, and dips his head back down to kiss him slowly, deeply, and Yoongi’s eyes fall closed once again as he focuses on the feeling of Taehyung’s body on his, his lips, his tongue, his hands as they move down to the button of his jeans. He hesitates, and Yoongi makes a small noise through his nose, a little uh-huh, and Taehyung unbuttons them. Then he pulls away so he can take Yoongi’s pants off, sliding his underwear down along with them. When they’re off his legs, he lets them drop onto the floor with their shirts, and sits back so he can look down at him. Yoongi’s used to this, to getting looked at hungrily, appreciatively, and Taehyung does. But there’s something else, something like reverence, which Yoongi’s not used to. He can tell that Taehyung’s not thinking about how he can use Yoongi’s body for his own pleasure, and that’s different. With almost all of his sexual partners in the last year, and even before, Yoongi’s pleasure has never been the priority. 

Taehyung’s eyes slide over his body, taking in him in slowly. Yoongi spreads his legs a little wider, lifts his arms up over his head, something he knows makes him look even more enticing, and for a split second he forgets that he’s not Kitten, and Taehyung is not a client. But even still, even if he’s not ‘working’, and doesn’t have money riding on his performance, he still wants Taehyung to enjoy himself. He still wants to look good, and be desirable. Even if he’s too skinny. Even despite the scars that litter his skin up and down his arms, on either side of his neck, and even on the insides of his thighs, where Jiwoo liked to bite him sometimes. Each scar is a physical reminder of the vampires who drank from him, who fed him, and who did not care enough in the moment to use their healing saliva to close the wounds quickly, and ensure they heal without scarring. 

“You’re beautiful,” Taehyung says, his voice deep, and Yoongi shivers again. 

“Yeah?” he simpers. Taehyung nods, the hunger in his eyes growing. “Touch me,” Yoongi breathes, and Taehyung complies. He lays his hands over Yoongi’s hip bones, and slides them down, over the outsides of his thighs, and then back up, trailing them over the insides, and around his groin, up to his stomach. The pressure is light, and it sends tingles of pleasure through him. Yoongi feels a bead of precum leak from his cock onto his stomach. He wants Taehyung to touch him there, but he can be patient. 

Taehyung moves himself further down, and braces one hand on the bed beside his hip so he can bend over and start pressing a line of kisses down his chest, and over both of his hip bones. Again, he moves around his cock, lifting one of Yoongi’s legs so he can kiss up the inside, and down the other. The tension in Yoongi’s gut is growing, the fire in his belly burning hotter the longer Taehyung riles him up. “Hyung,” he whines softly as Taehyung puts his leg back down. “Please.”

“I’ve got you, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung whispers, and then finally, he reaches for Yoongi’s cock, picking it up with a loose grip. Yoongi moans, the sound escaping before he can catch it, and then moans again when Taehyung swipes his thumb through the glistening mess at the tip. “You’re so wet,” Taehyung observes. “Do you feel good?”

“Yes, I feel so good.” Taehyung leans in and presses a kiss to the tip that sends a bolt of pleasure right through him. 

“I can’t exactly blow you,” Taehyung says, looking up with a kind of sad smile as he slowly strokes Yoongi’s cock. Yoongi’s eyes widen in slight alarm, remembering that Taehyung has fangs. “But I’ll make you feel good, don’t worry.”

“I won’t,” Yoongi responds softly. “Can you fuck me?” he asks, not trying to keep the hunger from his voice. 

“Not today, baby,” Taehyung says, and Yoongi pouts.

“Why not? I thought you wanted me.”

“I do want you,” Taehyung says, ever patient. “But I don’t have any lubricant,” he says, laughing softly, and Yoongi’s cheeks heat up.

“Oh.” Then his brows furrow slightly, and he sits up on his elbows. “Don’t you jerk off?”

Taehyung laughs, a delightful sound. “For vampires… it’s a little different. We can have sex, obviously, and we do, but there’s no longer any innate desire for it. I don’t wake up hard, like I often did when I was human. Kind of like with sleeping, it’s a conscious choice. And after almost three hundred years, jacking off gets kind of boring, so I don’t really do it anymore. And I haven’t had anyone I wanted to sleep with in a while.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says again. 

“But now,” Taehyung starts, resuming his slow motions over Yoongi’s cock and causing pleasure to tingle through him again. Yoongi drops his head back, a low, soft moan slipping out. “Now, I do. So I’ll get some lube.” 

“Okay,” Yoongi moans, dropping down from his elbows. Yoongi looks down again in time to see Taehyung drop a thick glob of spit down onto his waiting cock, and then uses the palm of his hand to spread it around. Yoongi wants to watch, but it feels so good, his eyes flutter closed and he surrenders himself to the feeling. He can’t remember the last time someone focused solely on him in bed like this. 

Taehyung’s tongue joins his hand, and Yoongi moans loud, drawing his legs up and spreading them wider. Taehyung uses the tip of his tongue to drag a line up from base to tip, and then flattens it and drags it back down. He tightens his grip, his spit easing the slide enough, especially when he adds more, and Yoongi can feel himself slowly unraveling. He takes his time, his grip tight, but his movements slow, coaxing Yoongi toward his orgasm. He sits up again, and kisses his way up Yoongi’s chest. He stops at one nipple, wrapping his lips around it and teasing with his tongue. He sucks lightly, and Yoongi’s answering groan is deep. He can’t help himself, as his hands move to Taehyung’s hair, sliding through the silky strands and gripping loosely. Taehyung nips at the pink bud, and Yoongi groans louder. He moves to the other, and repeats the process, all the while continuing his slow, torturous stroking. Yoongi feels like a gathering storm, the pressure increasing slowly but steadily, until he bursts. 

Taehyung kisses up over his clavicles and moves around to his neck, where he licks and kisses and sucks. He grazes his teeth over Yoongi’s skin, and Yoongi gasps, a bolt of adrenaline shooting through him when he thinks - hopes - for one second that he’s going to bite. But he only nips, sending a full-body shudder through him, and then continues working his way up. He kisses over Yoongi’s jaw and when he finally makes his way to Yoongi’s mouth, Yoongi meets him hungrily, mouth wide and tongue eager, using his grip in Taehyung’s hair to keep him in place. “Hyung,” he groans into his mouth. “Faster, please.” Taehyung responds by slowing down. But only for a second, only long enough for Yoongi to growl in desperation, tightening his grip on his hair and pressing his hips up into Taehyung’s hand. Then Taehyung does begin to speed up, his grip still tight. Yoongi has to stop kissing him because his eyes roll into his head and his jaw goes lax, loud, desperate moans spilling unchecked from his throat. 

Taehyung kisses his neck again, sucking hard, occasionally nipping just hard enough to thrill, and Yoongi’s whole body goes tight, the tension inside of him drawing ever more taut, until it breaks, and his orgasm washes through him. He cries out, unabashed, as pleasure - real pleasure, not drug-induced euphoria - sets him on fire. Taehyung keeps going, and Yoongi lets him, lets himself get overstimulated until he starts to shake and twitch, and finally Taehyung stops. Yoongi melts back into the bed, his muscles relaxed and a dopey smile on his face. Taehyung kisses the corner of his mouth, and Yoongi’s able to pull himself together just enough to give him a proper kiss. 

“I’ll be right back,” Taehyung whispers, and Yoongi can only nod. The warmth of Taehyung’s body leaves him and he shivers, but he’s back quickly, dragging a warm wash cloth over his stomach, and cleaning off his spent cock. “Are you okay, Yoongi-yah?”

“I’m perfect,” Yoongi says. Absently, it occurs to him that it usually takes him a lot longer to come while he’s high. Must be another side effect of not being fed on first, he thinks. 

Yoongi gathers his strength, and sits up. Taehyung’s sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. He folds the wash cloth, and sets it on the bedside table. Then Yoongi puts his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders and pushes. Taehyung must not have been expecting it, because his eyes widen with surprise as he bounces on the bed. “Yoon- What?”

“Your turn,” Yoongi says. 

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

“No, Yoongi,” he says, sitting up on an elbow, and putting a hand on Yoongi’s sternum when he tries to lean down to kiss him. “You can if you want to. But I don’t expect reciprocation.”

Yoongi’s brow furrows. “Okay. Well, I want to.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says softly. “I- I just- Considering your past experiences with other men,” he says, almost timidly. “I just don’t want you to think you’re obligated.”

Yoongi sits back on his heels, frowning. He hadn’t really thought about what it might seem like, from Taehyung’s perspective. “I understand,” he stresses. “And I promise you, I want to. Let me make you feel good, because you made me feel so good.” He leans back down, his hand braced on the bed beside Taehyung’s head, and kisses him deeply. 

He pulls away and unbuttons Taehyung’s jeans. He pulls them off and tosses them aside and takes a moment to apprise himself of what he’s working with. His lips curl up into a smile. Taehyung’s big, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. He groans appreciatively as he wraps his fingers around it, but then he stops. That’s something Kitten would do. Not Yoongi. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. You’re not a whore anymore. You don’t have to stroke his ego so he’ll pay you. He opens his eyes and catches Taehyung’s gaze. 

“Okay?” Taehyung whispers. Yoongi nods, and makes himself shake it off.

Yoongi casts his memory back, trying to remember what he used to like to do to his partners, how he used to like to be in bed. He strokes Taehyung’s cock, but without anything to ease his way, it’s not very smooth. The only fluid a vampire’s body still produces is saliva, and that’s only because they can use it to help their bites heal. No tears, no blood, no semen. 

Yoongi leans down and puts his mouth on Taehyung, wrapping his lips around the thick head and swiping his tongue over the tip. He sucks, and Taehyung groans softly above him. Yoongi uses his free hand to gently play with Taehyung’s balls, beginning to bob his head up and down his length. He moves a little further down with each pass, and when the head hits the back of his throat, Yoongi notices that he’s only about halfway down. 

Deep throating was something Kitten didn’t do, but Yoongi did it before, and he liked doing it. So, he relaxes his throat, and starts to work the rest of Taehyung’s cock into his mouth. Taehyung’s breathing grows heavier, soft moans escaping. “Fuck, Yoongi-yah,” he breathes. “That feels so good.” Yoongi responds by shoving himself the rest of the way down, so that his nose is nestled in the thick black hair at the top of Taehyung’s cock, and he breathes slowly through his nose. He swallows around him, and Taehyung’s answering, deep moan sends a thrill through him. 

He pulls off, and takes a second, stroking up and down his length. “You like that?” he rasps. 

“Fuck yes,” Taehyung says, looking up. “Where did you learn to do that?” he asks, absentmindedly, and but his eyes widen when he realizes what he said, and Yoongi can only laugh. 

“I learned that in college, actually. I want you to fuck my throat,” Yoongi says, staring into Taehyung’s eyes, and the sheepish, apologetic look fades away, replaced with the hunger that was there before. “And you can pull my hair, if you want.” He looks down at Taehyung’s cock and spits, before diving back in. When Taehyung threads his fingers into his hair, his hold is tentative. He doesn’t move his hips yet, and Yoongi realizes that he must be afraid of hurting him. That’s fine, Yoongi thinks, working his way back down Taehyung’s cock. I don’t mind doing the work. For now. 

When Taehyung’s cock breaches his throat again, his fingers tighten in Yoongi’s hair reflexively. His hips twitch, holding himself back, and Yoongi encourages him by using the hand that’s not holding him up to pull up on his hips, telling him it’s okay. Taehyung listens, and slowly rolls his hips up, pushing himself further into Yoongi’s throat. His grip in his hair tightens again, and he groans deeply, a guttural sound. Yoongi flicks his eyes up to look through his lashes, and finds Taehyung staring down at him, an animal, hungry look in his eyes. He rolls his hips a little faster, using his hands to hold Yoongi in place. 

Yoongi closes his eyes, focusing on his breathing, and keeping his throat relaxed, keeping from gagging, as Taehyung works himself closer and closer to coming. Eventually Taehyung cries out loudly, pulling Yoongi’s head all the way down, pressing as far in as he can. His muscles are tense, hard as rocks under his hand as he comes. As soon as he finishes, he pulls up, and Yoongi goes. He swallows, though there was no cum, and his throat feels raw as he blinks away the tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. 

“Come here, baby,” Taehyung whispers, no longer pulling, but coaxing Yoongi to move. Yoongi goes, crawling up his body and kissing him soundly. He’s tired, but he’d be content kissing Taehyung for a while longer. Taehyung nudges him back, a hand on his cheek, thumb lightly stroking his skin. “Thank you,” he whispers. Yoongi smiles. “Do you want to sleep in here, tonight?” Yoongi’s smile fades, but only because he knows what it means for a vampire to offer to share his sleeping space. It means he trusts him, implicitly. Trusts him not to expose his sacred, safe place to the light of day. 

Yoongi softens. He’s not sure anyone has ever trusted him that much. “Yeah,” he breathes. He thinks about how nice it could be, to sleep beside someone again after so long of sleeping alone. Taehyung smiles, leans up and kisses him, and then they both move. Taehyung puts on some boxers, and Yoongi goes to get some clean ones as well. He shuts the curtains in the living room, and then Taehyung meets him in the bathroom, where they brush their teeth side by side. Taehyung leaves, and Yoongi pisses, and then goes back to Taehyung’s room. He shuts the door behind him, and Taehyung holds up the blanket for Yoongi to crawl in beside him. 

He nestles himself close, opening his mouth to accept Taehyung’s kiss. “Good night,” he whispers. 

“Good night, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung responds, looking down fondly at him. “Just as warning, as soon as the light is off and I lay down, I will fall asleep. Like, immediately.” Yoongi laughs. 

“Okay.” Taehyung sits up, leans over him, and turns off the lamp. Then it’s pitch black again. Yoongi feels Taehyung moving, adjusting slightly. He puts his arm around Yoongi so he’s holding him to his chest, and Yoongi feels the pillow shift under his head as he lies down. And then nothing. Taehyung’s body just stops. His breathing stops, and he doesn’t move. It’s a little unnerving, at first. But after a few minutes, Yoongi starts to think maybe it’s a bit more like being hugged by a pillow, than being hugged by a corpse. 

He settles in, feeling comfortable, and warm, and safe. He’s not in pain, and he’s not craving, and he’s had a fantastic orgasm that he actually wanted to have from someone he wanted to have it with. As he drifts off to sleep, he thinks, Things haven’t been this good in a very long time… 

Chapter Text

Do you think I had a choice?
Tell me where the noise comes from
Do you think I wanted this?
…
Stuck inside a cage
I kinda wanna stay, kinda wanna stay fucked up
I never had a chance, I never had a chance, I had to learn to dance fucked up
Even on my worst nights, I'll never stop the sunrise

I've been on a roll
But I'm going way too fast
Clear the road
I'm looking for a place to crash and burn
Oh, tell me do I deserve what's coming
I've been on the ropes
Funny that I feel so strong
Bloody Nose, never thought it'd take this long to learn
Oh, tell me do I deserve what's coming

Will I get what I deserve?

Anti-vampire sentiment once again stirring in rural Southern USA
By: Daniel Kim, CNN

After a tweet sent out by a pastor in Huntsville, Alabama went viral, anti-vampire sentiment is once again stirring. John Van Meyer, who has been a pastor at Huntsville’s Christ the Lord Church for more than thirty years, is known for his fiery condemnation of the world’s vampire population. His sermons reach millions across the country as they’re livecast on the internet every Sunday, and though he has been approached by both the Alabama Vampire Council, as well as the United States Vampire Council, he has repeatedly rejected their requests for dialogue. 

This tweet comes on the heels of the tragedy which rocked the Deep South, where a young woman was killed by a vampire. That young woman’s family, friends, and numerous community members began a crusade against the vampires in their community, driving nearly all of them out, and killing several in the process. Tension has always been high between the human and vampire populations in many places in the United States, but nowhere more so than in the South, where religious teachings condemn vampires as children of Satan. However, as the tension is beginning to mount beyond precedent, many human citizens are beginning to wonder whether influential figures like Pastor John Van Meyer ought to begin to curb their fire. Many people remember the great tragedy of ‘86, where a group of anti-vampire extremists in Texas dragged three whole Covens from their safe sleeping places, into the sun on three different nights before they were caught. Those three nights caused the death of nearly thirty vampires, which is the greatest tragedy perpetrated against vampires in known history. Many fear now that figures like Van Meyer are encouraging another Great Burning, a moniker extremists bestowed upon the event, and which they speak of with great pride. 

I reached out to both the Pastor, and the Alabama Vampire Council for a statement, but neither responded by the time of publication. 

Yoongi wakes to the burning itch, the intense craving. His entire being cries out in need. He gasps in a breath, confused, disoriented. There’s a heavy weight around his waist, holding him down, and it’s only after the panic starts to rise in him that he realizes it’s Taehyung. The sun must still be up, and so he hasn’t awoken yet. Yoongi doesn’t know how easy it is to wake a sleeping vampire, but in that moment he doesn’t care how hard it is, he needs him. He’s shaking, his eyes wide though he cannot see through the pitch blackness of Taehyung’s room. He moves Taehyung’s arm and sits up. He blindly feels around until he finds Taehyung’s shoulder, and then he shakes him. “Hyung.” He shakes him harder. “Hyung, please.” Taehyung doesn’t stir, doesn’t breathe. He’s dead to the world until the sun goes down. Yoongi gets out of the bed, shuddering and shaking like a leaf in a breeze, and makes his way slowly toward the direction of the door, one arm wrapped around his torso, trying to hold himself together, and the other outstretched. 

His hand touches the wall, and he frantically feels around for the doorknob. Once he locates it he opens the door only wide enough to slip out. He goes into the living room and wrenches the curtains open. The light is fading as the sun sets. It’ll be down within the hour, Yoongi guesses, and with that in mind he sits down on the couch and curls himself into a tight ball. 

This can’t be happening, he thinks. I just had it last night! How can I need it again so soon? It feels like he’s being squeezed in a vice, like a black hand is gripping his heart and holding it tightly. He hurts, and he needs, oh god he needs the blood again. He doesn’t understand how it worked its way through him so quickly. The only thing he understands is that somehow it did, and he feels just like he did when Taehyung found him lying on the floor of the club’s back room, desperate enough to do something fatally stupid. So he wraps his arms around his legs tighter, his forehead pressed to his knees, like if he holds on tight enough he can keep his limbs from moving on their own. Like he can stop the shaking if he tenses his muscles tight enough, can hold himself together until the sun goes down and Taehyung wakes up. Taehyung will know what to do, won’t he?

The moment the sun goes down past the horizon, and it’s dark again outside, Yoongi flies off of the couch and back into Taehyung’s room. He leaves the door open so he can see, the hall light streaming inside, and he climbs back onto the bed. He wants to reach out and shake him again, but he forces himself to stop, his shaking hands hovering over his shoulder. He forces himself to breathe slow, but that, too, shakes. Yoongi’s afraid he’s going to shake free of his skin. 

Then, Taehyung stirs, taking in a breath and blinking his eyes open before squeezing them shut again against the light. He groans softly. “Yoongi-yah?”

“Hi, hyung,” he says, voice deep and gravelly, and even those two words drip with the desperation that Yoongi feels. “Hyung I need it again.”

Taehyung seems to wake up further, opening his eyes and furrowing his brow. “What? Already?”

“I-I don’t know why, I’ve never come down this fast before but it happened and hyung please, I need it.” He’s begging, and even as he hears it coming from himself some small part of him rages against it, but he can’t stop himself. “Hyung…”

“Okay, okay, Yoongi-yah, breathe.” Taehyung sits up, reaching out to take Yoongi’s biceps in a gentle hold. He stares into Yoongi’s eyes, and Yoongi tries to convey how deep his need is, even as part of him starts to think of a contingency plan - what to do, should Taehyung refuse him. Taehyung breathes out harshly through his nose. “It must be because I didn’t drink from you first. Remember, I told you I’d read that it wouldn’t be as intense? And it wasn’t. But it also doesn’t last as long. But now we know, we can give it to you first thing after I wake up, and then you’ll be okay the rest of the day.”

“It didn’t even last twelve hours, hyung,” Yoongi intones, his voice hollow. “Y-You- You should just bite me first, please, hyung, bite me first and then it’ll last for days like it always does and- and-”

“Yoongi, no,” Taehyung says gently. “It’s okay. It’s just a little, I can give it to you in the evening and the morning. It’s okay.”

“But hyung-”

“Yoongi, please. I’m not going make you sicker.”

“It’s not sustainable,” Yoongi whispers. 

“None of this is,” Taehyung whispers right back, his voice as sad as his eyes and the hollow feeling in Yoongi grows, but he can’t think about that right now, not when he needs. “But we can talk about that later. Right now, let’s help you.” Without wasting any more time, he bites his wrist, and holds it out for Yoongi, who watched the whole thing with wide, hungry eyes, and latches on the moment it’s available for him. 

He drinks, his eyes fluttering shut as the blood moves through him. It’s like a balm, washing away his pain and his desperation, leaving only goodness behind, and when Taehyung pulls away - much sooner than Yoongi would have liked - he sighs, letting himself fall backward into the bed. Taehyung puts his hand on his knee, squeezing gently. “Thank you, hyung,” Yoongi says softly. 

“You’re welcome, Yoongi-yah.” The weight of Taehyung’s hand on his knee is comforting, but Yoongi misses the way Taehyung held him the other two times he’s given him the blood. He doesn’t ask for it, though. And he thinks part of the reason why is the shame he can barely feel beneath his high. He’s so ashamed, but he can’t focus on that right now, not when he feels light as a feather, floating on a cloud of endorphins. Enjoy it now, Yoongi, while it lasts. 

After a while, the high fades into a pleasant hum, and Yoongi sits up. He meets Taehyung’s gaze and smiles. It takes him a second too long to return Yoongi’s smile, and a dull lump of dread settles in his stomach, barely there, but there nonetheless. Taehyung’s phone dings on the bedside table, and he looks away from Yoongi, reaching over to pick it up. He taps at it for a minute. 

“I’ve got a potential client,” he says.

“You should work,” Yoongi says right away, nodding his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? I don’t really want to leave you alone…”

“Go, hyung. I’m fine. I’ll work on lyrics, or watch TV, I’m fine.” 

Taehyung holds his gaze for a long moment. Then he nods, squeezing Yoongi’s knee again before moving to get off the bed. Yoongi watches him go, trying to process the things he’s feeling. Most prominent, and almost overwhelming, is the high, but beneath that are shame, sadness, and irritation roiling around in his gut. He hates this. He hears the shower turn on, and leaves the room. He goes to the kitchen, realizing that he hasn’t eaten since he and Taehyung ate together last night before going to the hair salon. He’s not hungry, but he knows he has to eat. If he’s going to get his body healthy again, then he has to nourish it. 

So he digs through the groceries he and Taehyung bought together and starts pulling out random ingredients he thinks will go well together. He’s in the middle of chopping onions, his package of chicken sitting in the sink under a weak stream of lukewarm water, when Taehyung emerges from the bathroom, heading straight to his bedroom to get dressed. Yoongi tries not to, but he can’t help himself from remembering what Taehyung looks like naked, the wide spread of his shoulders, his smooth skin and soft stomach. His strong legs, and thick cock. Yoongi flushes as warmth spreads through his stomach. He thinks about what Taehyung said before they started, that he’d go out and get some lube so they could actually fuck, and Yoongi thinks about how he still really wants that. The lump of dread still in his stomach warns him not to get his hopes up. He thinks about the look Taehyung gave him after he was finished floating on the very beginnings of his high. 

He’s realizing that I’m too much to handle, he thinks, frowning and squeezing his eyes shut against the burn from the onions. That’s what that look was. He’s going to be kind about it, but he’s going to kick me out. The calm which followed the euphoria of his high sours, just enough, and he frowns against the sinking feeling in his gut.

Taehyung goes from his room back into the bathroom, and then the loud droning of his hair dryer sounds through the apartment. Ten minutes later, he steps out into the living room, and Yoongi turns. He looks fantastic, wearing loose, dark brown pants, and a neutral beige, loose button-up. He smiles at Yoongi, holding his arms out at his sides. “How do I look?”

“Amazing,” Yoongi says truthfully. “You always look amazing.”

“Thanks,” Taehyung says, a pleased smile on his face, and it’s almost enough to make up for the fact that he’s about to kick Yoongi out onto the street. “What are you making?”

“Um, just going to sauté some onions and chicken. With some rice.”

“Sounds good. I wish I could stay and cook it with you,” he pouts. 

“Oh, that’s okay, hyung. You- You should go work. Don’t let- Don’t change your schedule on my account.” He keeps his back firmly toward Taehyung as he speaks. Yoongi hates this. He just got the blood, he should be flying high right now, he should not be fighting against the rising panic in his throat. But he just got used to the idea of living here with Taehyung, and not needing to struggle through each day, and now he’s going to go right back to it. He hears Taehyung step forward. 

“Yoongi-yah, what’s wrong?” Yoongi flinches when Taehyung touches his shoulder, and he pulls his hand away immediately. “Talk to me?”

“I can’t go back out there, hyung,” Yoongi whispers, setting the knife down, and using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at his eyes. “I- I know I’m a lot to handle and I’m sorry but please don’t kick me out.”

“Yoongi-yah!” Taehyung exclaims, his hand once again on his shoulder, gently pulling him around to face him. “Why would I kick you out?” Yoongi’s lip wobbles. His feelings are still overwhelmed by the high, and that’s how he knows that the panic he’s feeling must be quite strong, if he can feel it this much through the blood. “Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung breathes, cupping his cheeks. 

“I didn’t know that I would need the blood this often, and it’s not as good as it was and I hate it, I hate how much I want you to bite me, and I hate how pathetic I am, and I’m sorry that I’m a burden. And- And earlier you looked at me like you were about to tell me you can’t do this after all and I panicked, I’m sorry.”

“So long as you want to stay, you have a home here, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says firmly. “And I told you, I don’t mind giving you the blood a little more often than I thought I’d need to. But… sweetheart.” Taehyung sighs, his conflict written heavily across his face. Yoongi stares into his eyes, feeling suspended in the moment. “I need you to start considering letting me Change you.” Yoongi recoils, on reflex, pulling himself out of Taehyung’s arms and shaking his head. He turns around and goes back to cooking. “You don’t have to decide anything yet. But please, Yoongi-yah. Just start thinking about it. I wish there were another alternative.” Yoongi doesn’t respond. He can’t. What is there that he could say? 

He finishes chopping the onions, and pulls out the new skillet from the cabinet. He washes it while he hears Taehyung moving around, putting on his coat and shoes, grabbing his keys. Yoongi puts the skillet on the stove, and turns the burner on. “Yoongi-yah, are you sure you’ll be okay if I go for a few hours?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, trying to keep his tone soft. “I’m fine.”

“Call me if you need me?” Yoongi glances around, finds Taehyung, and nods, forcing a small smile. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, hyung.” Yoongi turns back around to test how hot his pan is, and hears the front door open and close. With mechanical movements, Yoongi goes about cooking the rest of his meal. He gets the new rice cooker out of the box and reads the instructions before starting a cup of rice cooking while he does the chicken, which he dices and seasons, and tosses in with the onions once they’re mostly finished cooking. 

It’s so quiet, and Yoongi latches onto the good feeling still remaining from his high. His mind is blessedly blank as he cooks, and once it’s finished he assembles it into a bowl and takes it to the living room. He sets it on the table beside the couch, and goes back for a glass of water, something he knows he needs to drink more often, but can never seem to remember to do. He returns to the living room and settles comfortably on the couch, grabbing the remote in his free hand and spending some time scrolling through Netflix, searching for something mindless to watch. He settles on some American drama and turns it on, setting the remote down and reaching for his bowl of chicken, onions, and rice. He eats slowly, savoring the flavor as he watches the movie. 

It’s a good film, and actually holds his attention throughout the entire two hours it’s on. Once the credits roll, Yoongi sighs, a small smile on his face as he muses on the fact that it’s been a long time since he sat and watched a movie after cooking himself a meal. His mood, which had improved after eating, and while watching a good movie, turns, and starts to descend again. Taehyung’s words echo in his mind, and he fights against the immediate recoil to actually think about it. 

If Taehyung Changed him, his addiction would be gone. He would no longer be dependant on the blood, and he could… actually live his life again. He could be an architect again, something he’s not thought about for a long time. Yoongi gave up all of his hopes and dreams for the future when the truth of his new reality settled over him a year ago. He gave up his dream of designing and building a skyscraper, or a stadium one day. He gave up on his plans to travel around Europe, studying old buildings, and dreaming up ways to fuse the old and the new in this modern age. He gave up on his professional hopes and dreams, but he also gave up on his personal ones. He gave up on his dream of meeting someone, falling in love, adopting a dog or a child or both, together. He gave it all up when his life started to revolve around the blood, when he realized that he was hurtling into the abyss that would eventually kill him. 

But… if Taehyung Changed him, he could have all of that again, right? Vampires have almost all the same rights as humans now, and the world has changed to shape itself anew to allow for their inclusion. Taehyung’s Coven, from everything he’s told Yoongi, sounds wonderful. Taehyung seems convinced that they would take Yoongi in, support him in his new life. He could get a real job, and live a real life again. He could… He could be with Taehyung, the way Taehyung wanted when he first approached Yoongi. 

It wouldn’t be that easy, he thinks, frowning down at his lap. Yoongi thinks of the things he’s done this year. How… could he move on, after all of that? How could he just pretend it never happened? 

It doesn’t matter, though. He can’t go through the Change. Just the idea of it sets Yoongi on edge, makes him ready to run far away, run away to protect the one thing that has consumed his every waking thought for a year now. He hates the blood, but he loves it, and the thought of never feeling that rush again? Never again feeling the euphoric high it brings? Every fiber of Yoongi’s being recoils against it. 

When Taehyung finishes his first meeting with this new client, an older human woman who is opening a new cafe, and wants Taehyung’s design prowess, he debates with himself over what to do. His head is spinning as he tries to make sense of the last twenty-four hours, not even that long. He balls his hands into fists as he walks through the neighborhood where his meeting was, not too far away from his own home, in a trendy neighborhood in Gangnam. How could you be so stupid, Taehyung? he asks himself, remembering how easily he gave into Yoongi’s advances last night. How could you take advantage of him like that? He knows that Yoongi said he wouldn’t be, but… Taehyung frowns, staring down at the sidewalk as he walks slowly. 

Yoongi is an addict. And it wasn’t his choice, and it’s not his fault. But, that doesn’t change the fact of it. It doesn’t change the fact that when he’s high, Yoongi’s judgement is impaired. Taehyung should not have slept with him, and he hates himself for having given in to his own selfish desire so willingly. He promises himself not to make that mistake again. He hopes he’ll be able to keep that promise. 

He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment before blinking them open again and staring up at the sky. He wishes he could see the stars. He misses their multitude, their comforting constancy. 

Waking up to Yoongi’s desperation was not a great start to his night, but how can he feel bad about that? He’s not the one addicted to a substance from which there is no recovery. He was not forced to drink something which would change his life with absolutely no hope of going back - because even if he does allow Taehyung to Change him, and get rid of the addiction, he’s still going to be a vampire. He can never be the man he once was again, and that simple fact threatens to tear Taehyung in two. He wants so badly to be able to turn back time, to go back and stop it from ever happening, to allow Yoongi to live the life he deserves to live, the one he was supposed to live. Not a life where he has to plan everything he does around his drug. Thinking about the way Yoongi was forced to live for the last year almost makes Taehyung feel sick, and he’s not even capable of feeling sick. 

He longs to talk to Jimin about it all. He longs to tell his Coven, to ask for their help and guidance, but… what could they do? They’ll surely tell Taehyung that he has to convince Yoongi to consent to the Change, something Taehyung already knows. Something he’s already trying to do, but the way Yoongi reacted when he mentioned it earlier, and the first time he brought it up… He doesn’t want to admit it, but Taehyung knows why he’s resisting. Yoongi is an addict. His judgement is impaired. 

Taehyung checks the time. Just after midnight. They still have almost seven hours before the sun will rise, and Taehyung wants to see the stars. So, he walks home. 

When he steps inside the apartment, he finds Yoongi curled in a ball on the couch, fast asleep. The TV is off, and his notebook sits just above his head on the couch cushion, open to a page that’s full of writing. Taehyung smiles faintly, happy to see that Yoongi was working. He picks up the notebook, and closes it without reading any of the words which he was not given permission to read. He sits down where the notebook was resting, and lightly runs his fingers through Yoongi’s hair. He wonders when he’ll need the blood next, and frowns sadly. He’s worried. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to continue feeding Yoongi his own blood, without being able to replenish more often than he’s able to, with the restrictions put on how much blood he can get from the bank per month. It would certainly be a lot easier for them if he could feed from Yoongi, if they could trade. But Taehyung can’t do that to him. Not when he could see how sick it was making him. He already looks better, now having gone a little more than a week without a vampire drinking from him. It’s more than likely the longest he’s gone without it in a long time, and Taehyung honestly doesn’t understand how he’s still alive after that. It’s probably because of the vampire blood, he realizes. Any human would not be able to survive constantly donating their blood like that, unless they were receiving vampire blood in return. The vampire blood changed his body just enough to allow him to survive well past what would kill a normal human, while also ensuring he could never go back. 

I need him to let me Change him…  

Yoongi’s breath hitches as he wakes suddenly. His eyes blink open blearily, and he looks up. “Hi, hyung,” he mumbles, rolling onto his back and stretching. 

“Hi, Yoongi-yah. Did you have a nice nap?” He smiles warmly as Yoongi smacks his lips, blinking slowly. He nods. “Are you up for a little road trip?” Yoongi’s brow furrows so adorably that Taehyung can’t help but laugh. 

“Where?”

“I want to see the stars again. It’s been a long time since I could see the stars in Seoul, and I miss them.”

“I can’t remember the last time I saw stars,” Yoongi says softly. 

“Well that settles it. Let’s go. Put on something warm and comfortable.” Taehyung runs his fingers through Yoongi’s soft, newly black hair once more, and then doubles over to kiss his temple. He stands, and holds out his hand. Yoongi hauls himself up until he’s sitting, and then takes Taehyung’s hand and lets himself be pulled to his feet. They separate at their respective bedrooms, and Taehyung quickly changes into a pair of lounge pants and a comfortable sweater. He doesn’t need the warmth, as the cold doesn’t affect him the way it would a human, but he likes the feeling of the soft fabric against his skin. 

He waits for Yoongi in the living room, and smiles when he emerges a moment later wearing the sweatshirt Taehyung gave him after his first night here. He’s also got a beanie on his head, and a pair of ill-fitting jeans on. Taehyung’s noticed that almost all of Yoongi’s clothes don’t fit him. The shirts don’t matter as much, as wearing oversize shirts is a kind of style choice, but his pants hang on him, and he wonders just how much weight Yoongi lost after he got addicted. He wonders what he looked like before, with a little bit of softness on him, and round cheeks. Taehyung decides he needs to be better about coaxing Yoongi to eat more often, if only so he can gain back a little of that softness before he’s Changed. Because he will be Changed, Taehyung will make sure of it.

“Ready?” he asks, clapping his hands together and smiling, and his enthusiasm makes Yoongi laugh softly. He nods. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Taehyung asks Yoongi to DJ their impromptu road trip, and then kicks himself for being surprised when Yoongi turns on rap music. He laughs at himself, carefully navigating through the city. “Are you hungry? Let’s stop and get you something to eat before we’re out of Seoul.” Yoongi agrees, citing a desire for McDonald’s, and so Taehyung locates the nearest one on his GPS and heads there. He gives Yoongi his credit card, tells him to get whatever he wants, and waits in the car outside while Yoongi goes in to place his order. He left his phone on the seat, still connected to the bluetooth and still playing his music. Out of all of the musical genres that have emerged in the last hundred years, Taehyung would have to say that rap and hip hop are the ones he’s taken the longest to warm up to. But he listens to the song playing, really takes in the lyrics, and by the time Yoongi returns with his bag of food in one hand and his drink in the other, Taehyung’s decided that he can understand why Yoongi likes it. 

Yoongi climbs back into the car, carefully setting his drink down in the cupholder before shutting the door. “I feel bad eating in your expensive-ass car, hyung,” Yoongi says, even as he dips his hand in the bag and pulls out a couple french fries. 

Taehyung laughs, putting the car in drive and pulling away. “It’s okay, I can always get it cleaned.” Yoongi eats his food slowly - french fries and chicken nuggets - as they drive through the streets of Seoul straight east. Taehyung continues listening to the lyrics of each song that comes on, quietly absorbing the music that Yoongi loves so much. “Have you always loved rap music?” he asks as they finally break free of the city, and the highway heading east opens up ahead. There’s no traffic, and it feels nice to be out of the city and allow his fancy sports car to do what it was meant to do: drive fast. 

Yoongi hums, sipping on his drink. “Yeah, ever since I was in elementary school. All of my friends were listening to idol groups, but I just… never really connected with the music. It felt like none of the popular songs were ever about anything. But one day I stumbled on Epik High - a rap group - and the lyrics just. I don’t know, they spoke to me. That sounds dumb, but that’s what happened. I liked that their songs were actually about something. Things like social issues, and vampires’ rights. Stuff that idol groups would never sing about. I started listening to them a lot, and then more rappers and started dissecting their lyrics, trying to figure out what made them work so well, and eventually I started to write my own lyrics. It was maybe in middle school, that I started trying to figure out how to rap, and writing my own songs.”

“What kinds of things did middle school Yoongi write about?”

Yoongi lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I wrote about not fitting in, and feeling different from my peers. I wrote about how I hated school, and hated the whole system around our education. I had a whole song about how much I hated my English hagwon,” he says, laughing again. “I had a foreigner as a teacher, and he had no idea what he was doing.” Taehyung laughs with him. 

“How come you didn’t pursue rap as a career?”

“My parents wouldn’t hear of it. I mentioned it once, and they just laughed, like there was absolutely no chance I could make it, and that killed my motivation for a while. In high school I fell in love with architecture, and decided to pursue that instead. Plus I could still rap on the side.” Yoongi stops, looking down at his lap, where he’s clutching his cup with both hands. “I started really rapping in college, and then sporadically afterward. I started to realize that having a full-time job and an underground rap career were kind of difficult to juggle. So I was all but ready to give up rapping, until…” Yoongi sighs. “Until I lost my job, and found myself with a lot more free time, and a lot more motivation to earn some money on the side.”

He stops talking for a little while, looking out the window and periodically sucking on his drink. Eventually he finishes it, and the tell-tale sound of the straw sucking at nothing sounds through the car. Only then does he put it back down. Taehyung watches through his peripheral vision as he shoves off his boots, and pulls his feet up onto the seat so he can sit curled up. Taehyung wonders if Yoongi realizes how often he sits like that, curled into a ball. He wonders if it’s to make himself feel smaller, or to protect himself. “You can talk about the last year, if you want,” Taehyung says softly. “I won’t judge you, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Yoongi looks over to him, and then adjusts so his shoulder is against the door, and he’s half facing Taehyung. “My stage name is Gloss,” Yoongi says, and immediately Taehyung smiles, laughing softly. 

“I like it.”

Yoongi snorts. “Yeah, it’s real creative. At first, I really enjoyed rapping as Gloss. I still have some software I purchased a lifetime membership to while in college, so I could produce my own tracks, something I taught myself how to do in high school and college. But I never recorded any of my songs, never released them out into the world.”

“Why didn’t you? At least put them on the internet, or something?”

“Because before, I worried about it affecting my career, and after I wanted- no, I had to stay anonymous.” Taehyung understands, then. “Because if for whatever reason, I started gaining popularity, people would want to know more about me. They would find out about my addiction, and I would be arrested and thrown in hospice to await my inevitable death. But even still,” he says, a rueful grin on his face. “I got pretty popular. I’d announce my shows a couple hours before, and people would come see me. And there are a bunch of recordings of my performances on youtube, but those are the only recorded versions of my songs.” Yoongi frowns, a blunt fingernail scratching at a worn patch in his jeans. “But as the year progressed, and I started to get sicker, it was harder to perform. The club I mainly performed at is owned by a disgusting excuse of a man named Raewon, and I think he started to suspect what was going on with me, and started paying me less, until the last time when he only paid me fucking eighty-thousand won and then suggested I suck his dick for the rest of what he owed me. I told him to fuck off, and didn’t go back.”

Taehyung frowns, staring hard at the road speeding by in front of his windshield. “What did you like about performing?” 

Yoongi heaves a sigh, his cheeks puffing out. It’s adorable. “I liked the attention. The energy I got from the crowd. It didn’t matter if I was high or not, they always made me feel like a king. And I liked that they came for the music. Because they didn’t know anything about me, unless they just liked the way I looked - which, c’mon, doubtful - they only came because they liked my music, and that’s how I wanted it to be.”

“Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung starts, hating it when Yoongi puts his appearance down. He very clearly does not truly see himself, because even under the malnourishment, and the scars, he’s still one of the most beautiful people Taehyung’s ever seen. He glances over to find Yoongi frowning down at his knees, and he doesn’t say anything else on the subject. “Do you want to go back to performing? Because I know we mentioned that, but it was my idea, and I don’t want you to do it unless you really want to, not because you feel like you owe me.” Yoongi’s quiet for a long moment. 

“I don’t know,” he finally whispers. “I… I’m afraid that I won’t be able to separate whoever I’m becoming now from who I was then if I start again. I- I think it’ll always bring up bad memories…” Yoongi falls quiet for a long moment. “The night I performed last, when Raewon only gave me eighty thousand, I desperately needed that money for my rent. It was due in two days, and I only had about half of what I needed. And my next shift at the restaurant wouldn’t have covered that. So instead of going home after the performance and going to bed, or going to a bar and having a drink to celebrate a good show, or to wind down, I went home, took a shower, put on my ribbon, and went out to find someone who would fuck me and pay me the rest of what I needed. And I- I hate that. And that same night, after I got the money I needed, I ran into Yerim, and begged her to give me the blood. And after she did, I went back to the club and danced for hours until I met these two girls who liked me, and wanted to take me back to their place. And I did, and I fucked them both. And then I spent the rest of the night wandering around Itaewon because I couldn’t physically stay still. Then I went home and cleaned my apartment, because I had all that energy and nothing else to do until I had to go to work. By the time I went to sleep I’d been up for far longer than twenty-four hours. And that night wasn’t even an abnormal night.” Yoongi roughly scrubs his hands over his face, and Taehyung has to physically stop himself from reaching over and pulling his hands away. “No. I don’t think I want to perform anymore. I do want to keep writing, but I don’t want to perform. I’ll find some other way to pay you back.”

“Yoongi-yah, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do!” Yoongi exclaims loudly, before immediately slapping his hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. Taehyung can’t stop himself from reaching over this time, and rests his hand on Yoongi’s knee. “I’m sorry, I hate yelling.”

“It’s okay, Yoongi-yah.”

“No, it’s not.” Yoongi leans forward, resting his forehead against Taehyung’s hand. “Even when I was young, I’ve always been independent. I’ve always wanted to provide for myself. I had a part time job in high school, and then all the way through university. I did my military service, and then took my exams so I could get my job and I was really good at it. I did everything on my own, because that’s how I wanted it to be. And I know you mean well, but the idea of leeching off of you like a parasite kills me.” 

There’s that word again… “From my perspective… One of my kind did this to you. One of my people ripped your life and your independence away from you. And I know that it wasn’t me, but I want to help you because I do feel it’s almost personal.”

“You’re not a representative of your kind,” Yoongi says, his forehead still resting against Taehyung’s hand. 

“But in a way, I am,” Taehyung argues softly. “Vampires… we’re a minority. And so when one of us does something bad, that reflects on all of us. I know I can’t, but I have to try to make up for it.” Yoongi picks his head up, and puts his hand on top of Taehyung’s. It reminds him of what Yoongi told him, that he feels safe when he’s with him. That’s everything to Taehyung. That even though a vampire did this terrible thing to him, Yoongi feels safe with Taehyung, enough to seek out physical touch for comfort. Taehyung wants to be nothing but comfort for Yoongi. Comfort and acceptance and love. 

They both remain silent for a long while, Yoongi’s hand on Taehyung’s, and Taehyung’s on his leg. They listen to the music, and Taehyung watches for the turn off that’ll lead to the narrow country road he’s been down countless times when he wants to see the stars. They’re about an hour and a half out of Seoul when they reach it, and Taehyung slows down and turns. “Where are we?” Yoongi asks softly. 

“The middle of nowhere!” Taehyung says cheerfully, and Yoongi laughs. “There are no city lights for kilometers around, and here, we can see the stars.” They’re surrounded by open stretches of land on either side, which veer up into small mountains. Taehyung pulls off to the side of the road, even though he’s certain there will be no other cars driving through, not at this time of night. He shuts off the headlights and turns off the car. “Come on.” He gets out of the car, and Yoongi follows. The sounds of their doors shutting are loud in the silence of the night. Taehyung looks up and smiles, but when Yoongi looks up, he gasps. Out here, on a clear winter night like tonight, the sky is full of stars. Taehyung looks away, only so he can take in Yoongi’s reaction. He’s staring straight up, his mouth agape and eyes wide. Taehyung moves around the car and gently takes Yoongi’s hand. “Come, lie down,” he says quietly, patting the hood of the car. Yoongi does, and Taehyung follows, and then they’re lying side by side, staring up at the night sky, and the billions of stars. 

It’s silent between them for a long while, only the nighttime sounds around them. Taehyung alternates between staring up at the sky, and staring at Yoongi, who has not once moved. “A hundred years ago, or maybe a little more, this is what the sky above Seoul looked like. Before the tall, tall buildings, before the electric lights.” He lets out a soft sigh. “Things seemed so much simpler then…”

“Were they really?” Yoongi responds, his voice so soft, like speaking too loudly will scare the stars away. “Or were they just different?”

Taehyung blows out his breath slowly. “That’s a good question. I don’t know. Maybe they were simpler, but they were certainly different.” They rest in companionable silence for a long time, staring up at the sky. 

“Hyung…” Yoongi whispers, his voice barely audible. “I… I thought about it a lot today…”

“About…? Oh.”

“Logically I know it’s the only option. Except… that it’s not.” 

“Yoongi, the only other option is dying, and I’m not going to let you do that.” Taehyung’s voice takes on an edge. He’s thought about the fact that after everything he’s been through, that Yoongi might have… lost some of his will to live. “No. I reject that as even being an option.”

“Taehyung, how can I just move on? How can I move past what’s happened? And then be stuck with it forever?” Yoongi starts to cry, and it rips Taehyung’s heart in half. He slides himself off of the hood of the car, and reaches out to take hold of Yoongi’s hands, pulling him so he’s sitting up and Taehyung can hug him tightly. 

“We can find you a therapist. Someone to talk to, and help you process the trauma. Two of my hyungs are doctors, they’ll help find the best one in Seoul.”

“Hyung I can’t give it up,” Yoongi sobs into his shoulder. “I can’t, I can’t, I won’t.” 

“Yoongi-yah, I know it feels hard now, but-“ 

Yoongi wrenches away, his face screwed up in anguish. “No! No, it doesn’t feel hard! It feels impossible! I can’t, I can’t!” 

“Yoongi, which is it? Can't or won’t?” Taehyung tries to keep his voice calm, his tone even. He knows that Yoongi isn’t in a rational state of mind, but surely he can see that all he’s doing is slowly killing himself? 

“It’s both!”

“Do you actually want to die? Is that it?” Taehyung snaps, his hands gripping Yoongi’s biceps tightly. Yoongi cries harder. 

“Yes! I’ve wanted to die for a year! But every time I’ve thought about ending it all, all I can think about is if I’m dead I can’t get high anymore, and it’s the exact same if I become a vampire!”

Standing under the stars, staring into Yoongi’s eyes, Taehyung realizes that Yoongi cannot be expected to make this choice. He wasn’t given a choice when Beomsu forced him to drink the blood the first time. He wasn’t given a choice when he had to resort to selling his body to pay for his food and shelter, and trading his blood for his drug. He wasn’t given a choice when his life was stolen from him. And now he’s paralyzed, unable to make the choice that will give him, perhaps not his life back, but a life. A second chance. 

He can’t make that choice. So, Taehyung will have to make it for him. 

He leans forward and presses his forehead against Yoongi’s, stroking his hair with the hand not held to his cheek. He shushes him gently, asking him to breathe as Yoongi continues to cry. Taehyung has never seen one so broken as Yoongi. He puts his arms around Yoongi’s shoulders and pulls him in close, and Yoongi clings to him like a child, crying into his sweater. “Okay, Yoongi-yah. Okay. We don’t have to talk about it anymore, for now. We can just keep going like this. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.”

Chapter Text

Help me to follow through the promise I made to you
Speak the truth, am I the substance you abuse?
No more mercy, no more shame
Lying lips and the words they waste, help me
…
Help me, have we gone too far to come back down?
Tell me, what's the use? I always lose
I need sleep now, I can't fight and I can't live
I have nothing left to give, help me
…
It's taking all I got not to give up

[YOUTUBE VIDEO TRANSCRIPT] [CHANNEL: MIRI’S CORNER] [VIDEO TITLE: ^^!~~~QUESTION DAY~~~!^^]

January 16th, 2020

Miri: Hey everyone! Welcome again to Miri’s corner! If you’re new to my channel, I’m a 120 year old vampire living in Busan, and I keep this channel to help keep my old friends (hehe emphasis on old ) up to date, and also to give a little bit of insight into the daily life of a vampire for my wonderful human readers! If you’re joining for the first time, you picked a great day! Today is QUESTION DAY!! If you have any questions you’d like to ask a vampire, fire away! I’ll do my best to answer as many as I can. 

[Miri spends some time reading the questions]

Miri: ooh, okay! Here’s a question from Hyesoo, she says: “hey Miri! I love you” - aww you’re so sweet! I love you too! - “I would love to know how vampires make their Covens? like is it a choice? or is it like with a human family where you don’t get to choose? are you always in a Coven with the vampire who makes them? idk i’m just curious about these kinds of things…” Ohh Hyesoo, what a great question! So, it’s different with every Coven, just like every human family is different. Um, in my case, I am in a Coven with my sire. My Coven has five vampires, and myself and my four sisters and brothers were all sired by the same vampire. Um, we chose to become vampires way back in the day, haha. We each at different times met our sire and she gave us the choice, and we said yes and we’ve been together ever since. Usually, when a vampire was given the choice, they stay with their sire, and form their Covens that way. 

Miri: But of course, not everyone was given the luxury of a choice, and many of the vampires who are still alive today who weren’t given a choice are not with their sires. So in my case, my Coven chose me, but for those others who weren’t given a choice, they tend to find their Covens. So to answer your question Hyesoo, both happen. It just depends on the vampire and their circumstances. I know some vampires who have been part of a couple different Covens. You know, we’re a lot like humans in that sometimes [laughing] we fight, and we stop being friends. It’s not like a permanent thing, you know? I got very lucky, and I’ve been very happy with my Coven, but if for whatever reason, I decided I wanted to leave I could. Coven is really just our word for family. And sometimes family members leave. Sometimes we add new family members who aren’t blood related. I mean, look at JUNGKOOK, for example. We all know and love him, and you know, he just revealed in that Rolling Stone interview that just came out, that his Coven is six vampires, and only two of them were sired by their Coven leader, the other three were created by someone else. And that’s perfectly normal for us. And you know, the Coven leader is just like the head of the household. Like the mom or the dad. Usually it’s whoever sired the members of the Coven, or in some cases when each member of a Coven was sired by someone else, the leader is just kind of chosen by vote. And like, I heard that JUNGKOOK’s Coven leader is like a doctor or something, which is really cool. I’m sorry, I’m getting off topic - I read that article like five times and I just love him. Okay. Back to question day hahaha. 

Miri: Ooohh, here’s a good one [Miri rubs her hands together in front of her face, smirking]. Junhwi asks: “What happens if a vampire eats human food, or drinks anything other than blood?” [Miri cackles] Do you really wanna know? Oh my god, it’s disgusting. So like, once I was brushing my teeth and my sister surprised me and I swallowed the mouthful of water I had just drank to rinse out my mouth, and like. I immediately projectile vomited right into her face. So I guess, that’s what she gets for surprising me! Hahaha. But yeah, our bodies aren’t equipped anymore to deal with anything other than blood, and it just rejects it immediately. Like, I still have my stomach, and my intestines and everything, but all they know how to do now is absorb blood. [Miri shrugs, and then laughs]

Miri: Ohh, here’s a good question. Kind of a sad one. Yurim asks: “what happens if a kid gets Changed?” [Miri takes a deep breath and stares into the camera] So, my regular viewers know this from past videos, but I was Changed when I was sixteen. I had a terminal illness, which I know know was very likely cancer. And I was about to die. My sire had been a friend of my family’s for a long time, and she revealed herself to me and told me what she was, and what she could do to save my life, and that’s when I said yes, and underwent the Change. Unfortunately, again, not everyone is as lucky as I am. Sometimes… [Miri sighs heavily, looking off screen] Sometimes vampires Change people who are much too young to be making a choice like that. There’s a reason why now in order to even be able to apply for the Change, you have to be at least twenty-five. It’s a big decision. And like, in my case, even though I’m technically 120 years old, sometimes it’s hard for me to act like it, because my brain was forever frozen at the development of a sixteen year old. So, I’m just a really really old, pretty smart, teenager, and I will be like that forever. And it’s no so bad. But in the case of younger children being Changed, they can’t regulate their emotions the way that they need to be able to. My Coven leader told us once about this vampire who fell in love with a human, and her five year old son was terminally ill, and so the vampire Changed him, and he had a temper tantrum that turned into a rampage which killed a bunch of people. That was like seven hundred years ago, don’t worry. But yeah. It’s illegal now to Change anyone who’s under the age of twenty-five unless they have special permission. Like, if I were a sixteen year old human with cancer who was about to die, I could apply for permission to be Changed, so long as I had a Coven to adopt me, and the Vampire Council would look over the case, and decide if I’m a good ‘candidate’. But anyway, let’s move on...

The nights pass slowly, sluggishly, and they fall into a routine. When Taehyung wakes after the sun sets, he gives Yoongi a few mouthfuls of the blood, and just before the sun rises, he gives him a little more. In between, they can simply live. Yoongi teaches Taehyung how to cook, and Taehyung watches him eat, asking for detailed descriptions of what everything tastes like each time. They go for walks together, and watch movies. They go shopping one night, and Taehyung all but bullies Yoongi into letting him buy him some pants that actually fit. They talk and talk and talk, and Yoongi can’t help but think that if they had met under different circumstances, they might have still become close friends. Taehyung is easy to talk to, easy to listen to. Yoongi finds he can open up to Taehyung in ways he’s never been able to do before - something he’s sure has everything to do with the fact that Taehyung has now seen him at his absolute rock bottom, held him through it and reassured him that everything will be okay, even though Yoongi knows that’s not possible. 

Nights pass and before Yoongi knows it, he’s been with Taehyung for a month. He’s sitting in the living room, his legs crossed in front of him, with his notebook on his lap, pen in hand which he taps on the paper in a rhythm that popped into his head a little bit ago. He’s been trying to write a song, but his thoughts keep wandering back to this time last month. To this time two months ago, and three months ago. He can hardly believe how drastically things have changed. 

He reaches up to scratch at his cheek, and then rubs his hand over his skin, feeling the new squishiness there. He knows what Taehyung’s been doing, has noticed how hypervigilant he’s been about Yoongi eating. But he doesn’t mind. He’s gained a little weight back, and he didn’t think that’s something he would ever be happy about. He’s still too thin, his ribs and hip bones still jut out, and his elbows are so sharp they could put someone’s eye out. But there’s a little bit of softness to him now, where before he was all sharp edges. Best of all is his face, which has regained a little of its roundness. He made the mistake of revealing to Taehyung that his mother once called him dumpling, and now Taehyung’s taken the nickname as his own. 

Despite the fact that he now has to drink the blood twice a day to remain functional, things haven’t been this good for him in a very long time. And true to his word, Taehyung hasn’t mentioned Changing Yoongi again since that fateful night under the stars. Yoongi closes his notebook and lies down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he thinks about that night. He knows that the sudden deterioration of his mood had to do with the fact that he was getting close to crashing, to needing his next fix, but… it was all true. And Yoongi’s doing his best to not feel ashamed about confiding in Taehyung the way he did, but shame has been a permanent fixture in his life for a long time now, so much so that it hardly matters anymore to Yoongi. He doesn’t want to lie to Taehyung, and so that meant telling him about his greatest struggle this year. 

How can I consent to live forever when I still want to die? he thinks. Do I still want to die? Even now? Now that’s a question that gives Yoongi pause. It’s been a month since his life changed again, and though he’s had some very low points, he’s not lying to himself when he says that things have gotten so much better. It’s almost… bearable now. He can, not forget, but set aside everything he’s been through. He can put it into a box, and pretend that he’s just a normal person during the night, between his highs and his crashes. 

Yoongi scoffs lightly, reaching up and rubbing his eyes. It doesn’t matter if he wants to live or die or become a vampire, because he can’t do that. Not when it means having to part ways with his high. Nothing has ever felt more impossible, so why even put forth the effort to think about it?

Taehyung is out seeing a client, and he said he’d probably be gone most of the night. Yoongi smiles when he thinks about the pout on Taehyung’s face when he asked Yoongi if he’d be okay alone, something he continues to insist on asking, even though Yoongi’s not been better than he is now in a very long time. Yoongi kissed his nose, and then pecked his lips, and told him to go, that he would be fine. Taehyung took both of his cheeks in his hands and kissed him a little harder, a little deeper, and then got his coat and shoes on and left, and Yoongi stood in the middle of the living room, his lips tingling vaguely with the memory of Taehyung’s kiss. 

He rolls onto his side on the couch, curling up a little. He and Taehyung haven’t done anything other than kissing since that night when they got each other off. He can’t deny just how much he wants to do that again. That, and more. Despite how he went about it, Yoongi got used to having a lot of sex in the last year, and as much as it ashames him to admit - even just to himself - he misses it. He misses the feeling of being stretched open around a cock, misses the feeling of another’s body pressed against his. That night with Taehyung was… everything to Yoongi. He wants to feel Taehyung like that again, more than just cuddling together on the couch as they watch a movie, or Taehyung holding him after giving him the blood. After he gets home… Yoongi thinks, starting to come up with a plan to seduce him. He tucks one hand under his cheek, and the other between his legs, and drifts off to sleep. 

When he wakes later, even before he opens his eyes, he registers that something feels off. He opens his eyes and is confronted with the face of a person he’s never seen before, and it takes him one second before panic and adrenaline flood his system and he jolts, flying up and pushing himself to the far end of the couch. He didn’t scream, and for that he’s grateful, but his heart is racing and his eyes are wide as he stares at this beautiful stranger who somehow found his way into Taehyung’s apartment. 

“Who are you?” Yoongi asks, his voice shaking slightly. The stranger’s eyes, which gleam with suspicion, followed his movement from lying down to huddled in the corner of the couch, and he stands gracefully from his crouched position in front of where Yoongi’s face was just moments before. 

“I might ask you the same question. Who the hell are you, and why are you in Taehyung’s apartment?”

Yoongi’s heart pounds, the roaring in his ears nearly deafening. He’s trying desperately, still, to stave off the panic which only redoubles as he realizes that this must be one of the other vampires in Taehyung’s Coven. They cannot know the true reason Yoongi’s here, with Taehyung. So, he lies. 

“I’m Taehyung’s b-boyfriend.” He almost said familiar, but realized in a split second that that is something they could check up on, could check the registry which is public record, and see that he’s lying. 

The stranger - vampire - quirks his head to the side, his brow furrowing. “That’s impossible.”

“W-what?” Yoongi sputters. 

“I Made Taehyung. There’s no way he would get himself a boyfriend and not tell me about it, especially not a human boyfriend,” he sneers. “So I repeat, who are you?” The vampire strides forward and his hand darts out fast as he speaks, wrapping around a handful of Yoongi’s sweatshirt and pulling. Yoongi squeaks in terror, as he’s hauled up, and the vampire bares his teeth at him. 

“Y-y-you Made him,” Yoongi whimpers. “So you- you’re Jimin. I-I-I’m Y-Yoongi,” he whispers, unable to keep himself from stuttering in his fear. Jimin’s eyes widen, and he immediately lets go of Yoongi, who falls back down and presses himself as far into the corner of the couch as he can, curling into a tight ball and trying to quell the terror and panic still coursing through him. His breath comes fast, too fast, and Yoongi’s worried he’s moments away from passing out. “C-call him, ask, just please don’t hurt me.”

Jimin takes a step back, still staring down at Yoongi with furrowed brows, and something like betrayal on his face. Then, without another word, he leaves the living room. He goes into the back of the apartment, and Yoongi doesn’t dare get up to follow. He emerges a moment later, one of Taehyung’s sweaters in his hand, and then he leaves the apartment. The moment the door closes, Yoongi bursts into tears, finally releasing the pressure of the panic and adrenaline. He fumbles for his phone, and with shaking thumbs he texts Taehyung. Hyung Jimin was just here I told him I was your boyfriend because he didn’t know who I was or why I was here and he was angry and I was scared and then he left without saying anything else I’m sorry. He sends it, and then presses his forehead against his knees, forcing himself to breathe deeply, trying to calm his racing heart. 

Taehyung stares at Yoongi’s message with dread in his stomach. He’s sitting in his car, having been about to start driving home, but now he just sits and stares at his phone. It’s not time yet, he thinks. It’s too soon.

But sure enough, as he stares at it, it starts ringing. Jimin’s smiling face stares up at him, and though he wants desperately to reject the call, he can’t do that. He accepts it, and then holds the phone to his ear. “Hi, Jimin-ah.”

“Taehyung what the fuck?” Jimin spits. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

“Jimin-ah, of course not.”

“Then why the fuck did you decide not to tell me about your fucking boyfriend? You’re my best friend! We tell each other everything! And now you’ve got this human in your house who looked pretty comfortable there, saying he’s your boyfriend?” 

Jimin is yelling, and Taehyung hates it when he yells. It just makes Taehyung want to yell. He doesn’t think it’ll ever matter how old they are, the moment one of them is mad at the other, they’re both no better than teenagers screaming at each other over silly things again. “Well maybe if I saw you more I would have!” he snaps back. “You and everyone else are so freaking busy all the time now I never see you. None of you ever have time for me anymore. So I was lonely, and I went for Yoongi the way I told you I wanted to, and it worked out. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but maybe I’m the busy one now!” He can’t tell him the real reason why he hadn’t mentioned Yoongi yet. He can’t tell him why he’s been so busy the last month, he’s barely even had time to think about his Coven. 

The line is dead silent for a long moment. And then it beeps, and Taehyung squawks with indignant rage, ripping the phone away to see that Jimin hung up on him. “What the fuck?” he yells, slamming his phone down on the passenger’s seat. He puts both hands on the steering wheel and leans forward, his forehead digging into his knuckles. “I just need more time,” he groans into the empty air. “I’m not ready yet.” 

He’s not ready to do what he knows he needs to do. Not ready to make Yoongi’s choice for him, and possibly lose any hope of having any kind of relationship with him. He’s never going to forgive Taehyung for what he’s going to have to do. 

His phone starts to ring, and Taehyung snatches it up, ready to give Jimin a piece of his mind, when he stops, blinking at it. It’s not Jimin, it’s Namjoon. He answers the phone. “Hi, hyung,” he says, trying to keep his swirling emotions out of his voice. 

“Hi, Taehyungie. Jimin just called me, and said we need an emergency Coven meeting.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Do you know what that’s about? He didn’t say anything else.”

“I might…” Taehyung mutters, and Namjoon sighs on the other end. 

“Well, Seokjin and I are both leaving the hospital right now. We got lucky, and Jeonggukie’s not busy today. Hoseok-ah’s also on his way, so please come to the penthouse.”

“Okay, hyung. I’ll see you soon,” Taehyung says, unable to keep his tone light. He stares down at his phone long enough that the screen goes black. Taehyung has a choice to make. Does he tell his Coven everything… or does he lie about it? He lets his head fall back, and closes his eyes. He has no idea what to do. He takes a deep breath, and picks his head back up. He calls Yoongi. 

“Hyung?” Yoongi sounds afraid, and Taehyung melts. “Hyung I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to say. I was taking a nap and when I woke up he was there and he bared his teeth at me and I panicked.”

“Yoongi-yah, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi repeats, his voice soft. “That’s not how I wanted to meet your Coven… I would have said I was your familiar, not your- your… but I knew that that’s something they could check in the registry.”

“That’s not how I wanted them to find out about you either, but it’ll be alright. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll handle it. Jimin’s just mad that I didn’t tell him about you right away. He called Namjoon-hyung, who called an emergency Coven meeting, so I’m going there now. I’ll come right home after, okay? Are you alright?” He lowers his voice slightly, unable to keep the rush of concern, which overwhelmed him at hearing Yoongi’s frightened tone, out of his voice. 

“I’m okay, hyung. It was just… It startled me, is all.”

“Okay, Yoongi-yah. Make sure you eat something, okay? I’ll be home soon.”

“Okay. See you soon, hyung.” Yoongi hangs up, and Taehyung again stares at his phone for a long moment. Finally, he takes another deep breath, steeling himself for what he has to do. He drives to Namjoon’s penthouse, and the whole way there his mind swirls with just how different everything is since the last time he saw his Coven. The last time they were all together, things felt so simple. Taehyung had just asked Yoongi out for the first time, thinking he was a normal human. He was mentally preparing himself for courting Yoongi to be his familiar, for integrating Yoongi into his life slowly. He read the whole book Namjoon gave him, and he even took notes. He wanted to get it right. He wanted to take care of Yoongi by buying him food and taking him on dates, by being with him through the rest of Yoongi’s life until old age took him. And he was preparing himself for how hard that would be, but he had time. Taehyung thought he had so much time. Time to take things slowly, time to get to know Yoongi naturally, time to watch him grow old and live a good, happy life. But then Yoongi called him that night, sobbing and terrified, and everything changed. Suddenly, Taehyung had no time. He had no time then, and now, somehow he has even less time because he knows himself. He knows that even if he’s able to lie his ass off tonight, and even if they believe him, he won’t be able to keep it up for very long. Taehyung has never lied to them before. Sure, he’s withheld a few things here and there, who doesn’t? But he’s never outright lied. He’s going to have to tell them that Yoongi is his boyfriend, a perfectly normal human man, and not a vampire blood addict, whom Taehyung wants to be his boyfriend, but knows is not in the right place in his life for that yet. He’s going to have to pretend that everything is okay, and smile and lie. It settles in his chest, like his dead heart which hasn’t beat in almost three hundred years has finally petrified, and turned to stone. 

As Taehyung rides the elevator up to the penthouse, he forces himself to breathe deeply. He makes himself smile widely, even if it makes him look like a madman. What do they say? If you make yourself smile, you’ll feel happier? Does that even apply to vampires? Taehyung’s not sure, but he hopes it’s at least enough to fool his Coven. 

He lets himself inside, and immediately any facade of happy he was able to put on fades away because Jimin is pacing around the living room ranting. As soon as the door shuts, beeping as it automatically locks itself, Jimin’s voice sharply cuts out. Taehyung takes his shoes off and makes himself walk confidently into the living room. He hasn’t done anything wrong, after all. At least, not as far as they’re concerned. As far as they know, all he’s done is gotten himself a boyfriend he didn’t tell them about, and while that makes him kind of a shitty friend, it doesn’t make him a criminal. Not… Not like what he’s actually done. 

Namjoon and Seokjin sit on the couch, with Hoseok and Jeongguk on the loveseat across from them. Jimin crosses his arms, glaring at Taehyung. He huffs out a breath, raising an eyebrow at Jimin. “Oh, come on.”

“No, you come on!” Jimin snaps back, pointing his finger at Taehyung. “I’m not that busy, Taehyung! You act like I never make time for you anymore, when you’re just as guilty of it as I am!”

“Sit down, you two,” Namjoon says, cutting in before Taehyung can reply. Taehyung glares at Jimin, his anger giving way to the sadness which is his true reaction to this situation. He’s not mad at Jimin. He never was. He sits on the edge of the L-shaped couch, and Jimin stalks over to sit on the loveseat beside Hoseok, on the opposite side of the coffee table from where Taehyung’s sitting. “Now, would you please care to explain what’s going on?”

“I went to Taehyung’s apartment to borrow a sweater I know he has that I like, and there was a human sleeping on his couch,” Jimin says, as if Taehyung’s committed some great crime.

“What?” Hoseok asks, his brow furrowing as he turns to Taehyung. “Who?”

“Do you remember, the last time we were all together, I told you I met someone?” Taehyung asks, and they all nod, all save Jimin, who continues glaring at him. “Well, we went out, and things went really well, and we’ve been dating for about a month now. He was at my apartment because I as only supposed to be gone for an hour or so to meet a client, and then we were going to go out.”

When Taehyung finishes, Jimin looks furious, but the others only look confused. Seokjin’s the first to break the silence. “That’s great, Tae. I’m happy for you!” He smiles, reaching over Namjoon and gripping his hand tightly. 

“A month, Taehyung?” Jimin bursts, standing up again and stepping away, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “You couldn’t pick up a phone and call, or text? You know, we have that technology now! You don’t need to wait until we see each other face to face to catch up anymore!”

“He’s kind of right, hyung,” Jeongguk says, wincing and staring between Jimin and Taehyung with a conflicted expression. “That’s great news, and I would have loved to hear about it.”

“What does it matter if I told you back then or now?” Taehyung mutters. “What, just for a congratulations text? I was busy, okay? I’m sorry. For once, I was the busy one.”

Taehyung avoids looking at his Coven, though he can feel the atmosphere shift. “Taehyung-ah, there’s something deeper, isn’t there?” Namjoon asks softly. “This isn’t about whether or not you told us about your boyfriend.”

“No, it’s not,” Taehyung whispers. 

He’s been so busy for the last five weeks worrying about Yoongi, he hasn’t been able to take a moment to continue feeling the things he was already feeling when they met. Those feelings were put on hold, but now as he looks up into Namjoon’s eyes, they all come flooding back to him at once, and it almost overwhelms him. 

“Tae, talk to us,” Hoseok coaxes. Taehyung looks up and meets Jimin’s gaze, taking in the way his expression has softened somewhat. 

“I just miss you all,” Taehyung says softly. “For so long I saw you guys every night, and we were a Coven. A family. But… now… I love that we can have jobs like anyone else in this age, and I love that we can all do what we want out in the open now. We saw each other so much before because there was little else to do than spend our infinite time together. But for several years now, we’ve only seen each other once a month or so, and I absolutely hate it.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Jimin demands. His face is screwed up, the way it always did when he cried, before he was Changed. Taehyung stares at him, his petrified heart heavy. 

“Because I wanted to avoid making you feel bad for enjoying yourself. For living the life you never thought you could. And I’m enjoying my work too, don’t get me wrong. I just…” Taehyung sighs, sitting back. All eyes are on him, but he can only look up at Jimin. “I’ve been lonely. And then I met Yoongi, and I wasn’t so lonely anymore, and I thought, okay, I can let them work now if that’s what they want to do. I thought, eventually you’d get tired of it, and things could go back to the way they were.”

“Hyung…” Jeongguk says, his voice tight, and Taehyung tears his gaze away from Jimin to see Jeongguk looking almost distraught. “You’re more important to me than any job.” 

“Jeonggukie is right,” Hoseok says. “We’re a Coven, a family, like you said. We should have noticed that you weren’t happy. And we might have, if we weren’t so busy.”

“But… In the grand scheme of things, a couple lonely years isn’t that bad,” Taehyung tries to argue. “And I could have done a better job of trying to find other friends, I guess.”

“No!” Jimin yells. “You shouldn’t need to find other friends, because I- because we should have been there for you!” Jimin stalks forward, throwing himself onto the couch beside Taehyung, and pulling him into a tight hug, one which Taehyung immediately reciprocates. “I’m going to be here more often. I’m going to make the time. I’m not even that busy. I’m sorry, Tae.”

Taehyung’s heart once again feels heavy, because this is exactly what he’s wanted from his Coven for years now, but now is the wrong time for it. Taehyung needs more time, time to deal with Yoongi before he tells them everything. Even now, he should be happy, should be rejoicing at the prospect of having his Coven back. But all he can think about is the fact that every minute ticks them closer to the end of the night, when Yoongi will start to shake and be in pain and in need of Taehyung’s blood. He squeezes is eyes shut, tightening his grip around Jimin. He tries to push that away, to push away the overwhelming desire to tell them everything right then. He shouldn’t have to do this alone - shouldn’t have to do this at all, a small voice reminds him - but he can’t tell them. Not yet. Not until he’s ready to set his plan in motion, and it’s not time yet. Yoongi needs a little longer to get stronger, to get healthier. 

Jimin finally pulls back, and pouts his bottom lip out. “It’s okay, Jiminie,” Taehyung says, caressing his cheek. 

“We’ll all be better, Taehyungie,” Seokjin says, reaching out to grip Taehyung’s knee. 

“It’s fine, really,” Taehyung says, trying frantically to keep the desperation out of his voice. “Now that I have Yoongi, I’m not lonely anymore. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see you all more! Because I do, I’m just… well I’m not sitting alone at home all the time anymore. And really, I didn’t do that before, either.”

“Okay, Taehyungie, if you’re sure. But we will still try to get together more often,” Namjoon says decisively. They’re all quiet for a long moment, before Seokjin smirks at him. 

“So… Taehyungie’s got a boyfriend,” he teases, and the others laugh while Taehyung just rolls his eyes. “Tell us about him?”

“He’s amazing…” Taehyung says truthfully. “He’s been through a lot in his life, and he’s so strong it’s a little baffling, honestly. He’s kind, and thoughtful. He’s funny, and…” He cuts himself off before he can say sexy, like he’d been about to. He’s not ready for that teasing yet. “I really like him.”

“You told us last month that you wanted him to be your familiar,” Namjoon says. “But now he’s your boyfriend instead?”

“Yeah… he’s anemic,” Taehyung explains, figuring that, at least, is safe to tell them. Humans get anemic all the time from completely natural things, not related to being fed on too often. “So it’s not a good idea for him to donate blood at all, let alone to me.”

“Are you planning on Changing him?” Hoseok asks, his voice low and quiet, asking the question that surely all of them were thinking. 

“Ah…” Taehyung says, exhaling forcefully. “Good question,” he whispers. “We haven’t talked about it. It’s still so… new between us, I don’t want to bring up eternity quite yet. But, later, if he wants to… yeah, I would Change him.”

“Well, if that time comes, we would welcome him into our Coven with open arms,” Namjoon says. Taehyung smiles at him, relief, even if it’s a little misguided, flowing through him. 

“Thanks hyung, that’s good to hear.” He looks around, and when his gaze settles on Jeongguk a genuine smile grows. “He likes your music, Jeonggukie.” His eyes widen, a smile spreading across his face. “In fact, he makes music himself…” he says, yanking his phone out of his pocket. He’s gone down the youtube rabbit hole of videos from Yoongi’s performances, and has every single one he can find saved in a playlist so he can watch them again and again. He selects his favorite one, and leans forward, holding his phone down in front of him so they can all hear and see. 

In this particular video, Yoongi is wearing a beanie covering his blond hair, and a huge sweatshirt on. The person who took the video started just after he started rapping so they’re immediately thrown into the thick of his heated delivery. Everyone moves in closer, leaning in so they can see, trying to get a glimpse of him. When the video ends, the camera person zooming in on the heated look on Yoongi’s face as he breathes heavily, Taehyung pauses it before it can autoplay the next one. He looks up. “Isn’t he amazing?”

“Wow, Tae,” Jimin says. “He’s fantastic.”

“Did he write that song?” Jeongguk asks, his big eyes open wide. Taehyung nods, smiling proudly, like he had something to do with it. 

“He writes and produces all of his own music.”

“I wonder if he’d write me a song,” Jeongguk muses, sitting back and running a hand through his hair. Taehyung’s jaw drops, his eyes widening. 

“Jeongguk-ah, that’s a fantastic idea!” he says, locking his phone. That’s something for Yoongi to do, once he’s Changed. He loves to make music, but doesn’t want to perform it anymore. This way, millions of people will hear his songs. “I’ll ask him as soon as I get home. Speaking of which, I should go. I’m sorry,” he says, pouting. “I need to get back.”

“You say that like Yoongi can’t be without you,” Hoseok chuckles. “I’m sure he’s a big boy.”

“Not for him, for me, I miss him,” Taehyung replies, uncaring if that makes him sound whipped. Because, really… isn’t he? The others laugh. 

“Alright, alright loverboy. Go on. We’ll see you soon, okay?” Namjoon says. Taehyung smiles widely, standing up. They all follow, and Taehyung finds himself engulfed in a group hug that feels so good, Taehyung can almost imagine that his petrified heart starts beating again. 

But, when he’s halfway home, the good feeling fades as guilt creeps back in. Guilt, and grief. He wishes so deeply that what he told his Coven could be the truth. That it could be as easy as Yoongi and Taehyung dating, potentially Changing Yoongi down the line, if that’s what he wants. Not… Not what it has to be. Taehyung sighs heavily as he turns into his building’s carport. He turns off the car, centers himself, and gets out to head back upstairs. When he steps inside, he smells food, and the tight knot of his stomach loosens somewhat. Yoongi ate. That’s good. 

“Yoongi-yah?” he calls out, registering the sounds he’s hearing are of the dishes being washed in the kitchen.

“Hi hyung, I’m in the kitchen,” Yoongi says, confirming his location. Taehyung takes off his coat and then goes to the kitchen. He leans against the counter behind Yoongi, watching. He’s wearing a t-shirt, as the heat in the apartment has been cranked up ever since Taehyung realized that Yoongi was constantly freezing, and not saying anything about it. He explained that he was used to it, because he never used the heater in his old apartment because he didn’t want to pay for it. “You don’t have to worry about that here,” Taehyung said, pushing away his irritation that Yoongi was forcing himself to suffer when he didn’t need to anymore. He turned up the ondol to 40 degrees, and left it there, and Yoongi’s been shivering a whole lot less since then. 

Through the t-shirt, Taehyung can still see Yoongi’s spine poking out, knows that his ribs and hipbones are still prominent, but not nearly as much as they were when they first met. He’s slowly getting some meat back on his bones, and each week that passes he’s stronger and just a little healthier. Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut, trying to stave off the guilt. He feels so much guilt these days. Guilt over lying to his Coven, and guilt over lying to Yoongi. 

I’m lying to every single person who’s important to me, Taehyung thinks. He wishes he could cry. 

Yoongi finishes the dishes, and turns around. Taehyung listens to him drying his hands, and when he opens his eyes he finds him staring at him with open concern in his eyes. “Hyung, what’s wrong?” he whispers. He steps forward, stopping just in front of him. “Did- Did the meeting with your Coven not go well?”

“No,” Taehyung says immediately, sighing. “No, it was fine.” He stares at Yoongi for a long moment, until it starts to feel like it’s all too much, and he has to look down. “I hate lying to them,” he whispers. “And I know there’s no other choice, I just… I’ve never lied to my Coven before.” Taehyung looks up, and he watches as Yoongi’s calm, almost serene expression morphs into one of near anguish, so quickly it’s like a switch was flipped. 

“I’m sorry hyung,” he says softly, his voice shaking. Without thinking about it, Taehyung reaches out and pulls Yoongi in, arms around his shoulders, his face nestled against his chest. Yoongi’s arms stay at his sides for a moment, but then slowly he picks them up and rests them on Taehyung’s back. He’s not crying, at least. Taehyung can take some comfort in that. He feels just as guilty as I do… he thinks. When Yoongi pulls back, it’s only enough to look up into Taehyung’s eyes. “What if we weren’t lying?” Yoongi whispers. 

“What?” 

“What if I were your boyfriend? That way you’d only be… withholding the whole truth, but not actively lying? I know that’s what you wanted in the beginning, before- before everything changed. And I wanted it too, I think.”

“Yoongi-yah-”

“Please, hyung. I thought about it a lot while you were gone. And now, I hate seeing you upset, and lying to your Coven is clearly making you upset, and it’s because of me and I hate that I’m causing you to have to do something that’s upsetting you.”

Taehyung stares at him with wide, almost alarmed eyes. How… how could he suggest that? When he… Taehyung snaps his teeth shut. It’s a flimsy excuse, at best, and in the end it wouldn’t really help Taehyung… but what if it would help Yoongi? Every possibility flits through Taehyung’s mind almost at once. If he says yes, it will only be harder on Yoongi later when Taehyung has to betray him. If he says no now, it will only hurt Yoongi, who already deals enough with feeling unwanted and cast aside. Taehyung is caught between a rock and a hard place. Damned if you do… damned if you don’t. 

Taehyung chose to be in this position, though. He chose it when he took in a person he knows is battered and broken from the inside out. He knows it’s a bad idea. A terrible idea, even. But if he can save Yoongi a little pain before he has to change his life once again… then that’s what Taehyung will do. Even if at best what he’s doing is… humoring him, for a while. 

He reaches up and gently cups Yoongi’s cheeks, staring into his eyes. “Okay,” he whispers. “Yoongi, will you be my boyfriend?” Yoongi nods, and Taehyung kisses him. Then, he kisses him again, and again, and that hunger, for something other than blood, wakes up in his belly. He puts his arms around Yoongi’s waist, pulling his body in flush against Taehyung’s. Yoongi goes easily, willingly, moulding his body against him. It feels good, to hold him like this again, and right now, in the last hours before Yoongi starts craving again, he’s the closest to being a rational human being as he can ever be. Taehyung thinks that maybe he can forget about reality, just for a bit. Maybe he can forget about what he has to do, and just let himself be present in the moment. Let himself feel Yoongi’s soft lips under his own, his soft tongue, the knobs of his spine under his fingers. He trails his hands up and down his back, and then he reaches down and lets himself grip Yoongi’s ass. Yoongi sighs against his lips. 

“Take me to bed, hyung,” Yoongi whispers. Taehyung picks him up, marveling at how feather-light Yoongi feels in his grasp, and walks him to his bedroom. 

When Taehyung lays Yoongi down on the bed, a mix of emotions rush through him. Guilt, for causing Taehyung to be upset. Relief, that Taehyung said yes to his hairbrained suggestion, one that he spent the whole time Taehyung was away thinking about. Arousal… It quickly eclipses the other feelings, especially as Taehyung slowly undresses them both. It’s quiet, slow. The last, and only other time they were together there was a hunger that spurred them on. Yoongi feels that hunger now, but he doesn’t feel the need to rush. They have time. They have so much time, because what they have now, the routine they’ve developed, it works. They have time, and so they can move slowly now. Yoongi’s glad for it. He’s glad for the way that Taehyung slowly rakes his eyes up and down his body. Yoongi flushes when Taehyung pushes his legs open wider, staring down at his cock and at his hole, and it sends a shiver through him as he thinks that maybe this time Taehyung will actually fuck him. 

Below it all, Yoongi’s starting to feel hungry for something else. But he can still push that feeling away. He’s got time. 

“Hyung, did you get lube?” he whispers. Taehyung’s gaze returns to his face, his eyes dark. He nods, and it sends a thrill through Yoongi. The last month they’ve barely touched each other aside from cuddling on the couch, and sleeping side by side most nights. Aside from when Taehyung gives him the blood. But Taehyung still bought lube. Taehyung leans over him, pulling open the small drawer at the top of his nightstand, and pulls out the unopened bottle of lube. He makes quick work of taking the plastic wrap off of the cap, tossing it to the floor beside the bed. But then, instead of opening it and slicking up his fingers to start prepping Yoongi, he sets it beside them and folds himself down to lie on top of him to kiss him some more. Yoongi sighs into it, opening his mouth wide and accepting Taehyung’s tongue. He threads his fingers through his hair, and then caresses his shoulders, down his back, up and down his arms, touching everywhere he can reach. 

He’s still unused to his partners taking their time like this. Unused to the care with which Taehyung touches him. Like he’s a precious thing, that should be touched gently, lovingly. Taehyung catches one of his hands and threads their fingers together, resting it above Yoongi’s head, so that their arms are pressed together along their entire length. It’s so intimate, so unlike anything Yoongi’s experienced in the recent past, and it causes his chest to tighten with want, with desire. “Hyung,” he moans softly against Taehyung’s lips. He presses his hips up so that his half hard cock grinds against Taehyung’s, and it sends a shiver through him as a thrill of pleasure ignites at the touch. 

“Shh, hyung’s got you,” Taehyung whispers. He sits up, then, and reaches for the lube. Yoongi pulls his legs up further, spreading them wide. He watches as Taehyung opens the lube and pours a generous amount onto his fingers as Yoongi palms at his cock, getting himself hard. It doesn’t take much. Then Taehyung returns, kissing him soundly as he prods at Yoongi’s hole with one finger, dragging it slowly in circles around his rim. Yoongi shivers - it’s cold, and Taehyung’s body is cold. But Yoongi’s gotten used to how cold vampires are - he’s gotten used to how cold Taehyung is. Taehyung nips at his bottom lip as he slowly slides his finger inside. Yoongi sighs into it, his eyes fluttering shut, his hands clenching and unclenching on Taehyung’s shoulders before sliding up into his hair. 

For half a second, Yoongi gears himself up to start talking, start praising Taehyung for making him feel good. But then he stops himself. Kitten was vocal in bed. But Yoongi’s not. He never has been. He prefers to let his moans do the talking, rather than babble actual words only meant to stroke his partner’s ego - especially since half the things Kitten said were never true. So, rather than speak, when Taehyung brushes against his prostate, Yoongi opens his mouth and moans deep in his throat. Taehyung takes the opportunity to sweep his tongue into his mouth again, dragging it against Yoongi’s. 

Taehyung takes his time, his movements slow. He adds a second, and then a third finger slowly, kissing Yoongi all the while, his free hand roaming around his body. By the time the uncomfortable stretch around the third finger fades into nothing, Yoongi’s cock is leaking uncontrollably and he’s shaking with want. His cock throbs, and twitches every time Taehyung lightly brushes his prostate. His patience is admirable, but Yoongi feels like he’s about to unravel at the seams. “Hyung please, fuck me,” he whines. “Please, I want you.” Taehyung pulls back and just stares at him for a long moment. He’s been so quiet, throughout everything. “Do you want to?” Yoongi whispers, the fog of arousal lifting, just for a moment, as he worries that perhaps Taehyung doesn’t actually want to have sex. 

Taehyung’s expression softens, and he leans down to rest his forehead against Yoongi’s. “Yes, Yoongi-yah. I want to. I very much want to.” He kisses him again, lingering, and then he sits up all the way, reaching for the lube again. Yoongi starts to roll over, but Taehyung’s hand on his hip stops him. “No, wait. I want to see your face,” he says softly. A wave of heat rushes over him, both arousal and a little bit of shame - from behind is how he’s most used to getting fucked. “Just lie down, Yoongi-yah. Let me make you feel good.”

Yoongi nods, his cheeks pink, drawing his legs back up. Taehyung smiles down at him as he slicks up his cock, slowly drawing his fist up and down his length. Yoongi watches, anticipation coiling in his gut. He wants Taehyung to be inside of him, wants to feel the stretch of his cock, and he’s about to, and he shivers.

Taehyung moves in closer, dragging his slick cock over Yoongi’s hole. Then he slowly, slowly starts to press inside. Yoongi makes himself stay relaxed, stay boneless, as Taehyung slowly seats himself inside. Taehyung caresses his cheek, his other hand supporting his weight next to Yoongi’s head. He leans in and kisses him, and Yoongi marvels over how amazing it feels to have Taehyung inside of him. Taehyung who is special to him, Taehyung who cares deeply for him. Taehyung who only wants Yoongi to feel safe and feel good. For a moment, Yoongi forgets everything that’s happened to him in the last year. He forgets about everything that isn’t the way Taehyung’s fingers trail through his hair, the way his lips drag along his jaw, moving so gently. He pulls out, just a few centimeters, and then presses deep inside once again, and Yoongi moans. He feels hot all over, like his whole body is on fire as Taehyung slowly thrusts into him. But the ice of Taehyung’s skin keeps that fire in check, keeps it from raging out of control. It keeps Yoongi from begging, keeps him from asking for Taehyung to ruin him. For so long all he knew was fast and hard, being used for someone else’s pleasure. Maybe, just once, it’s okay to go slow. 

Taehyung moans softly into his ear as he continues his long, deep strokes, in and out at a steady pace. His cock brushes over Yoongi’s prostate and the fire in Yoongi burns a little hotter, despite Taehyung’s ice. Moans spill unchecked from his lips, and his eyes are screwed shut. Taehyung presses his forehead against Yoongi’s again. “Open your eyes, Yoongi. Look at me.” Yoongi obeys immediately. The tender look in Taehyung’s eyes takes his breath away. His hair hangs down around his face as he looks down, swaying gently as he rocks into Yoongi’s body. Yoongi is frozen, locked into Taehyung’s gaze. 

As Yoongi slowly falls apart, his pleasure mounting, he thinks, He would never hurt me. Yoongi wraps his arms and legs around him, holding him close, his gaze never leaving Taehyung’s. His mouth is open as he breathes harshly, small sounds tumbling from his lips. He doesn’t know if he’s ever felt this good before. It’s better than the high. That thought shocks Yoongi and he gasps, tightening his grip. Is it...? 

“Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung whispers, beginning to thrust just a little faster, his cock hitting Yoongi’s prostate each time, and Yoongi feels like he’s losing his mind. He has no idea how long they’ve been locked together this this. It could have been just a few minutes, or it could have been a few hours, and Yoongi wouldn’t know the difference. “Yoongi… so beautiful…” Taehyung finally breaks, his gaze leaving Yoongi’s only so he can nuzzle his nose into the space behind Yoongi’s ear, his lips kissing and gently nipping at his neck. “Say my name,” he groans into Yoongi’s skin.

“Taehyung,” he breathes before moaning deeply, fingers clenching as Taehyung goes faster. 

“Say it again,” Taehyung grinds out, thrusting harder. 

“Taehyung!” he gasps, and the sound that Taehyung lets out is so deep, so satisfied, it lets loose the fire while consumes Yoongi’s entire being. “Taehyung Taehyung Tae- ah!” Yoongi cries out, long and drawn out. The tingling pressure grows and grows, mounting slowly before it finally peaks and his orgasm washes over him. Taehyung keeps going, thrusting long and hard, working him through it until he’s shaking and shivering, strung out and oversensitive. “T-Taehyung-” Yoongi moans, high pitched, and he immediately stops thrusting, pressing deep inside once more, before pulling out entirely. Yoongi clenches, suddenly empty. He breathes heavily, and unwinds one arm from around Taehyung’s neck to reach down between them. He takes Taehyung’s hard length in hand and starts to stroke him, wanting to get him there as well. His other hand clenches in Taehyung’s hair as they kiss desperately. Yoongi moves his hand faster, flying over Taehyung until finally, he feels Taehyung’s muscles tighten under against him and he moans deep in his throat through his own orgasm. 

When he relaxes again, Yoongi lets go, and Taehyung lies down on top of him, uncaring of the cum which paints Yoongi’s stomach. Yoongi takes deep breathes, one hand petting Taehyung’s hair, and the other lightly stroking up and down his back. It’s so quiet, and peaceful, and so unlike any other time Yoongi’s had sex in recent memory, and despite how wonderful he feels, his throat starts to feel tight, and his eyes burn with tears. He squeezes his eyes shut, but they continue welling up until they fall. He doesn’t know if it’s because he can smell the salt, or because he just senses it, but Taehyung’s head pops up from where it was resting on Yoongi’s chest. 

“Yoongi-yah? What’s wrong?”

“Thank you, hyung,” Yoongi says, this voice thick as he tries to hold himself together. 

“You don’t need to thank me, baby,” Taehyung whispers, pushing himself up further so he can cup Yoongi’s cheek and stare into his eyes. Yoongi is utterly overwhelmed. 

“I- I just- I forgot what it felt like to be with someone who- someone who actually cares about me.” His voice breaks, and the tears burst free along with a choked off sob. Taehyung gets off of Yoongi so he can slide an arm under his back and roll him so he’s resting on Taehyung instead. Yoongi wraps his arm around Taehyung’s stomach, throwing one leg over him so he can cling to him, afraid that if he lets go Taehyung will disappear. 

“I care about you so deeply, Yoongi-yah. I will always take care of you, so long as you want me to.”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Yoongi whispers, his eyes squeezed shut. “I- I was so sure I was only days away from dying… for so long. And then you came along and lit a candle and suddenly I wasn’t alone in the dark anymore. I wasn’t alone anymore.” His tenuous hold on his composure breaks and he lets himself go, succumbing to the tears. He’s cried so much since he met Taehyung, and yet… he hasn’t felt better since before everything changed. Rather than simply despairing, these tears are cathartic, because things are looking up, finally. 

Taehyung holds him and lets him cry, stroking his hair so gently it only makes Yoongi want to cry harder. They lie there for a long time, and eventually Yoongi cries himself out. Taehyung gets up and retrieves a wet towel to clean them both up, and after he puts it away again, he lies down beside Yoongi once again, and they stare into each other’s eyes. Yoongi’s tired, and his body is sore in the best kind of way, and everything feels peaceful. He wishes he wouldn’t need to break that peace in order to get his morning fix. He’s been so distracted since he was first confronted with Jimin earlier that he didn’t even think about it.

But, oh. The moment the thought enters Yoongi’s mind, he’s hit with a need so sudden and sharp that he groans, curling in on himself slightly. His body cries out for it, that itch deep inside blooming to life and Yoongi goes rigid, trying to keep himself from shaking. 

“Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says softly, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s time?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi whines. “I’m sorry.” 

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Taehyung shifts slightly, and then brings his wrist up to his mouth and bites before giving it to Yoongi. As always, he tries to take it slowly, casually, as if his entire being didn’t depend on the dark red blood slowly leaking out of the two small wounds on Taehyung’s wrist. He wraps his lips around it and sucks, moaning deeply. Yoongi’s eyes roll into his head as his whole body rushes with endorphins, pleasure so exquisite, he nearly forgets to breathe. When Taehyung pulls his arm away Yoongi goes limp, his cheek resting against Taehyung’s bare chest. He floats on his high, and wonders how he ever thought anything could be better than this. 

Chapter Text

This thin façade could never last
Like a snake that sheds its skin, illusions shatter like glass

The skeptic inside me believes what he knows
Cynically silent but with nothing to show
The devil beside me is whispering doubt in my ear
I’ll keep pretending not to hear

So here I am for what it’s worth
I spilled my blood against the earth
Just to see the world in colour

Yoongi lies in bed, wrapped in Taehyung’s arms while he’s still deep in his deathlike daytime sleep, and he realizes he can’t quite remember the last time he saw the sun. 

He’s been with Taehyung for almost three months. Despite his fatal addiction, he’s healthy. He’s gained some weight, and no longer recoils at his own naked, skeletal reflection in the mirror. If he’s honest, he thinks he actually looks pretty damn good these days. His skin is flawless, and he hasn’t slept this well in years. 

Yoongi absently strokes Taehyung’s hair, waiting for the sun to go down so he’ll wake up and feed him. He’s itching for it, as he always is when he wakes, but the knowledge that it’s right there, and he’ll get it the moment the sun goes down helps to quell the craving, keeping it at a simmer under his skin. In an attempt to distract himself, he thinks about meeting Taehyung’s coven last week. 

Yoongi was so nervous he almost threw up. Taehyung spent a solid ten minutes standing outside the door of his Coven leader’s penthouse talking him down. “They’re going to hate me, hyung,” Yoongi insisted, near hyperventilating. “They’re going to see right through me, hyung, they’re going to know!”

“Yoongi-yah, calm, deep breaths,” Taehyung said, cupping his cheeks and exaggerating his breathing, continuing until Yoongi played along. He felt marginally better after a minute of deep, slow breathing, staring terrified into Taehyung’s eyes. “They’re not, baby,” Taehyung whispered, and Yoongi let his eyes fall closed at the use of the nickname Taehyung started using more frequently recently. “They will most certainly love you because I love you.” Yoongi wasn’t sure how those words made him feel, mostly because he knew Taehyung meant them wholly, but not that he was in love with Yoongi. Yoongi loves Taehyung too. And he’s certain that, were their circumstances different, Yoongi could very, very easily fall in love with Taehyung. But as it stands… He can’t. He just… can’t. 

“What do I even tell them about myself?” Yoongi whispered, deflating somewhat as his panic left, and was replaced with the all too familiar hopelessness which has been his companion for so long now. 

“Just get them talking about themselves, and they’ll never shut up, I promise dumpling.” Taehyung gently rubbed his thumbs over Yoongi’s cheeks, newly returned to their more round, natural shape. Yoongi took a deep breath, and when Taehyung kissed him he relaxed a little, and they went inside. 

Yoongi was first struck by the penthouse itself. He didn’t think that there could be such a thing as understated opulence, and yet that was the only way he could think to describe the penthouse apartment he walked into. It was quite open, with a large living room area just inside the door, with a pristine - untouched - kitchen area to the left of it. A hallway led back into the back of the apartment, presumably to the bathroom and bedrooms. Taehyung led him inside, holding his hand the whole time, and after they removed their shoes they made their way into the living room where Yoongi came face to face with four strange vampires, and one whom Yoongi was still certain hated his guts. Contrasting their first meeting, however, Jimin smiled widely at Yoongi, welcoming him with a hug, which had Yoongi stiffening in surprise. Jimin pulled back, still smiling, though there was an edge of something lingering around it. Remorse, perhaps?

“Yoongi, it is wonderful to meet you, finally! ” one of the others said when Jimin stepped away, addressing the last word at Taehyung, who put his arm solidly around Yoongi’s shoulders, grounding him. 

“Yoongi-yah, this is Kim Namjoon, our Coven leader. And these are Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Jeon Jeongguk, and you’ve met Park Jimin.” Yoongi followed Taehyung’s introductions, bowing to each of them in turn. 

“It’s very nice to meet you all,” he intoned, swallowing hard around a dry throat. “My name is Min Yoongi.”

Beside him, Taehyung laughed, and it was so sudden that Yoongi jumped, turning to look at him with furrowed brows. “Sorry, I just realized that I never knew your family name before today. It never came up.” If the others thought that was strange, none of them commented on it, to Yoongi’s relief. Taehyung knew about Yoongi’s alter-ego he used around town before he met Taehyung, and he knew what a big deal it was that Yoongi told him his real name that night. They talked about it one night, quietly, wrapped up in each other on the couch, but even then, Yoongi never mentioned his family name. Honestly, outside of working at Heeae’s restaurant, he’s had no reason to use it for a long time now.  

The one Taehyung introduced as Seokjin smiled sweetly, stepping forward. “Yoongi, do you want something to drink? We have water, and I got some tea!” Taehyung laughed again, and Jeongguk joined in. Jeongguk. Yoongi was so wrapped up in his nerves, he completely forgot that he’d be meeting Korea’s current darling idol. 

“Um, I’m- I’m-” He stopped, swallowing down his refusal. They went to the trouble to go to the store and buy something that only he could have. It would be rude to refuse. “Tea would be nice, thank you.” 

“Come on, let’s sit down,” Taehyung said, leading Yoongi to the couch. He sat down stiffly, anxiety still eating at his stomach. 

“Taehyung-hyung, did you ask him about it yet?” Jeongguk asked, leaning forward after sitting down on the couch opposite where Yoongi and Taehyung were situated. Yoongi looked to Taehyung, brows furrowed slightly. 

“I have not, I thought you should,” Taehyung said, smiling, looking completely at ease, surrounded by his Coven, and his human. Boyfriend. Even two months later, that word is still a little strange to Yoongi. Because, they’re… not. Not really, no matter what they said to each other that night. Yoongi has no idea. They’re something. He turned his attention back to Jeongguk, who smiled widely, showing off his teeth. 

“Tae-hyung showed us your rapping, the night he told use about your relationship, and I went looking for everything I could on youtube. You’re really talented. I had a thought that maybe you could write me a song, if you wanted?” Shock coursed through Yoongi, his cheeks flushing. 

“He’s so pink!” Hoseok said from beside Jeongguk, smiling widely. 

“He is, isn’t he?” Taehyung agreed, his tone fond. 

Meanwhile, Yoongi was still reeling over the fact that Korea’s sweetheart JUNGKOOK wants Yoongi to write him a song. “Wow,” Yoongi breathed. “That- That’s quite an offer. I- Yeah. Sure. I’d love to. Um, have your people call my people,” he said. And when Jeongguk’s smile turned confused, and his head quirked to the side, Yoongi pointed to Taehyung, and they all burst into laughter. The tight curl of nerves in Yoongi’s cut loosened sightly, and he found himself smiling along with them. 

Seokjin returned with a mug of tea a moment later, and sat down beside Namjoon. The vampires all started talking, and Yoongi was able to let himself sit back and just listen. They all wanted to tell him about themselves, and Taehyung was right - they barely asked him about his own life. It got to the point where Yoongi started to wonder if maybe Taehyung had warned them that Yoongi doesn’t like to talk about his past. They did, however, ask about his music. Jeongguk wanted to know more about his process, and the technical aspects of songwriting and producing are safe topics, which Yoongi found himself talking at length about. All of their attention was on him, and for once, it didn’t feel like a bad thing. Yoongi doesn't like to be the center of attention unless he’s performing, but with Taehyung’s Coven, with his family, it didn’t feel like he was under a microscope. If anything… he felt like one of them, and that was a dizzying feeling. 

Now, as he lies in bed, waiting for the sunset, he thinks about what it could be like, if he were able to say yes to Taehyung’s pleas to let him Change Yoongi, to save him. But, as it always does, the moment that thought enters his mind he recoils, shying away from it. He’s completely unable to even entertain the idea. And why would he need to? Things are going so well… They’ve managed three months the way they are, and it’s been wonderful. 

By the time Taehyung stirs, Yoongi’s getting to the point where he can’t wait any longer, shaking and itching, uncomfortable in his own skin as his organs and cells cry out for the blood. Taehyung blinks his eyes open and smiles sadly up at Yoongi, before immediately biting his arm and giving it to him. 

An hour later, Taehyung’s showered and dressed, and Yoongi’s come down enough to get up himself after Taehyung feeds him some egg and rice for breakfast. He also showers and gets dressed. “Hyung, are you going to tell me where we’re going?” he asks, raising his voice so Taehyung can hear him from his bedroom - which, now, is really just the place he stores his clothes and other belongings, as he sleeps in Taehyung’s bed every day. Taehyung is in the kitchen, taking care of the dishes from breakfast. 

“It’s a surprise, Yoongi-yah!” Taehyung calls back. Yoongi smiles, wrinkling his nose as he shoves a sweatshirt into his duffel bag. They’re nearing the end of April, and while the weather is starting to warm up, it’s still cold enough for Yoongi to need to bundle up when he goes outside. He’s gained some weight back, but he’s still pretty skinny, and needs a little extra help to stay warm. Taehyung only told him, yesterday, to prepare for three nights away. An impromptu vacation to somewhere in Korea. When Yoongi asked why, Taehyung only smiled, kissed him, and told him that they both deserve some time away. Yoongi kissed him back, and nodded. 

He finishes packing a few different changes of clothes, and then zips his bag up and takes it out into the living room. “I’m ready when you are, hyung,” he says, sitting down on the couch to wait. Taehyung turns off the faucet a moment later and strides into the living room. His own bag sits on the floor by the front door, and he smiles widely. 

“Okay, let’s go! We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead of us.” Yoongi huffs a laugh, shaking his head at Taehyung’s insistence on keeping it a surprise, and stands. They grab their bags, put their shoes on, and head down to Taehyung’s car. 

“Hyungie, can I drive?” Yoongi asks, pouting. He’s driven Taehyung’s fancy sports car a few times now, and it never fails to thrill him. 

“Sure, why not,” Taehyung smiles, shutting the back door after putting his bag down. “But that means I get to DJ!” He moves around to slide into the passenger’s seat as Yoongi gets in on the driver’s side, quickly adjusting the seat to compensate for his shorter legs. “Head due south!” 

“Sure thing.” 

Yoongi likes to drive. He likes the way it becomes so easy to empty his mind as he focuses on the road ahead. Taehyung intersperses his own preferred musical choices with some of Yoongi’s favorites. Every now and then he plays one of Jeongguk’s songs, and Yoongi finds himself singing along more often than not. It’s quiet, and they both focus on the music and the peace of driving through the night. 

As they get closer to the southern part of the country, Taehyung starts to give him more detailed instructions, and that’s when Yoongi realizes that they’re heading to Busan. It’s been a long time since Yoongi visited Busan, and he starts to feel a little more excited about this surprise vacation. Sure enough, Taehyung instructs him to take the exit which will lead them to the second largest city, and then when he tells Yoongi go take the Haeundae exit, he gets even more excited. The beach. The ocean. Two things Yoongi hasn’t seen in a very long time. The night Taehyung told him he wanted to go see the stars and the east sea, they never made it to the sea, not after Yoongi’s breakdown. So now, in much better spirits, he’s very much looking forward to seeing the ocean. 

A little while later, they’re parked below the Paradise Hotel, and Yoongi can’t shake the smile from his lips. “Are you excited, baby?” Taehyung asks softly, and Yoongi nods. They head inside, and Taehyung gets them checked in. Yoongi stares around the opulent lobby, half listening to Taehyung confirming which suite they’re in. Taehyung takes his hand, and together they’re led through the hotel toward their suite. The young man leading them points out the lounges, the playstation zone - something which intrigues Yoongi, who hasn’t played video games in a long time - as well as the different pools. It’s dark, of course, but Haeundae is lit up brightly out the windows, and Yoongi finds he has a slight spring in his step. 

To think… I’m on a vacation with my boyfriend, where just a few months ago I wasn’t sure I would survive much longer…

The suite itself is a level of luxury Yoongi has never experienced before. He’s seen it in movies and on television, but he’s never stepped foot into a room such as the one they’re led into. Taehyung watches as Yoongi wanders around the large suite, his mouth open and eyes wide as he takes everything in. Taehyung tips the young man, and he bows and leaves them alone. 

“Holy shit, hyung,” Yoongi says, turning around and facing Taehyung. “How much does something like this cost?” Taehyung smirks. 

“Don’t worry about that, Yoongi-yah. Just enjoy yourself this weekend.”

Yoongi steps up to him and slides his hands up his chest, over his shoulders, and into his hair. He kisses him, smiling against Taehyung’s lips as he winds his arms around Yoongi’s back. He tries to shove down the voice in his head. The negative voice, which is always whispering parasite every time Taehyung does something for him with nothing in return. That voice has gotten a little quieter since they slapped the ‘boyfriend’ label on their relationship, but Yoongi isn’t stupid. He’s not blind. He’s still a parasite, feeding off of Taehyung and his generosity while giving nothing in return, and it’s something he can never allow himself to forget. 

So, he does what he can. He makes Taehyung laugh and smile, he makes him feel good, and keeps him company. And if it will make Taehyung happy to treat Yoongi to an expensive hotel stay in Haeundae, then Yoongi will suck it up, and enjoy himself. His blunt fingernails gently scratch at Taehyung’s scalp as they kiss, standing in the middle of the little living room area of their suite. Finally Taehyung pulls back, one hand cupping Yoongi’s cheek and stroking his skin with a soft smile on his face. “So, what shall we do first?”

“Hmm,” Yoongi hums, pursing his lips as he thinks. “I haven’t been to the ocean in a long time. How about a walk on the beach?” Taehyung’s smile widens. 

“That sounds romantic.”

Yoongi stands with his bare feet ankle deep in the freezing cold sea. He takes a deep breath, staring out over the water. The lights of the city behind him reflect off of the deep dark surface of the ocean, and it gently laps over his skin. One of his hands is stuffed deep into his pocket, while the other is clasped in Taehyung’s. They walked a little ways down the beach from the hotel before Yoongi couldn’t resist taking his boots and socks off, and stepping in. He’s always loved the ocean, has always appreciated its enormity, its seeming endlessness. He likes the way it stretches on and on without end into the horizon. The night is dark, the water is black, and the horizon is invisible. Stretching out ahead is the black night blending with the black ocean and sadness settles deep in Yoongi’s gut. If not for Taehyung’s hand grounding him in the present, Yoongi’s not sure he wouldn’t simply float away, down the black river into the abyss which has lived inside of him for so long now. 

In the past, before he met Taehyung, Yoongi would have let himself sink down into that abyss, let himself go to the grief and anger, the despair but now… He squeezes Taehyung’s hand, turns away from the ocean to look up at him. Taehyung’s profile is exquisite as he stares serenely over the dark ocean. Yoongi wonders how the ocean makes Taehyung feel. If it brings him a sense of calm, or peace. So, he asks him, his voice quiet over the sounds of people around them, and the waves softly crashing. 

“The sea is… endless,” Taehyung murmurs, not looking away from the water. “It’s timeless. The sea doesn’t change, or age with the world. This sea is the same it was when I was born, even if nothing around it is the same. It’s… comforting.” He finally turns to look down at Yoongi, an inscrutable look on his face. “It doesn’t happen often, but every now and then the enormity of my life, and the prospect of eternity, whatever that even means gets to me. And when that happens, I can think about the sea. I think about the stars, and the mountains. They’re older than I am. They’ve been here since long before I was, and they’ll be here just as long as I will be, or even longer and that grounds me. It reminds me that I’m not alone in my existence. Because even if I were the only vampire, the only being whose life will never end unless choose it to, at least I have the same sea, the same stars, and the same mountains to keep me company. They will never change, just as I will never change.” Taehyung takes a deep breath, turning to look back out over the water. “But it also reminds me to stay in the moment. Because even though the sea, and stars, and mountains will never change, everything else around me will. So I need to pay attention, lest I miss it.” Once again, he looks down at Yoongi. “Human lives are so fleeting, it seems sometimes. Even if I haven’t lived as long as my hyungs, or many other vampires in this world. I’ve lived for several generations already, and I’ll live for countless more, but if I get wrapped up in that I’ll forget to look around me and see the people around who are still here, now. People like you, Yoongi-yah. People whom I would miss out on, and whom I don’t want to miss.”

Yoongi is overcome with something he can only describe as a contemplative melancholy as he digests Taehyung’s words. He shuffles closer, so that the sleeve of his coat presses against Taehyung’s sweater-clad arm. He squeezes his hand tighter, tilting his chin up in a silent request. Taehyung immediately acquiesces, closing the distance between them to kiss him. There’s a kind of urgency behind it, and despite how cold he is, heat blooms in Yoongi’s core. He pulls his other and out of his pocket to reach up and cup Taehyung’s jaw, opening his mouth wider and inviting Taehyung’s tongue inside, sweeping along its soft coolness, and Yoongi shivers. Taehyung pulls back, staring into Yoongi’s eyes with the same heat that’s beginning to bloom hotter in Yoongi. “Hyung, let’s go back to the hotel?” Yoongi says, his voice deep. Taehyung kisses him again, searing, and then as one they turn away from the ocean and make their way back up to the boardwalk to wash off their feet, and put their socks and shoes back on, despite their wet feet. 

They go back to the hotel, hands still clasped tightly together, and the moment they’re in their room with the door shut and locked behind them, shoes and Yoongi’s coat off, Taehyung swoops in to kiss him hard and Yoongi whines as he eagerly returns the kiss. Taehyung picks him up like he weighs nothing, and Yoongi wraps his arms and legs around him, his hand in Taehyung’s hair tugging so he can continue kissing him as Taehyung walks through the suite toward the enormous, soft king sized bed. Taehyung lies him down gently, lovingly, covering Yoongi’s body with his own. Their kisses are slower now, though the heat is still there, simmering between them as Taehyung trails his hands all over Yoongi’s body, his fingers dragging over his clothes. Yoongi wants to be naked, wants to feel Taehyung’s skin on his. He tugs at Taehyung’s shirt, but Taehyung wraps his hands around Yoong’s wrists, pulling them away and pressing them into the bed beside his head. 

“Let hyung,” Taehyung rasps, and Yoongi can only nod. Taehyung pulls his sweater off first before helping Yoongi out of his own. He sits up and unbuttons Yoongi’s jeans, slowly pulling them down Yongi’s thin legs. Then he peels off both of his damp socks, and Yoongi’s completely bare. He put his hands back beside his head after Taehyung took his shirt off, and he keeps them there, even as he desperately wants to reach down and touch himself, help his slowly hardening cock along. Taehyung’s eyes rake up and down his body hungrily. He reaches out and swipes his fingers around Yoongi’s nipples, and then gently scratches his nails all the way down his chest and stomach, over his thighs until he reaches his knees. He pushes at Yoongi’s legs, up and open until he’s splayed out and Taehyung can stare down at his pink hole. Yoongi flushes as heat spreads through him at being so thoroughly appreciated. “You’re perfect,” Taehyung whispers. Yoongi whines, his face and chest blushing a deeper red. 

Taehyung coaxes Yoongi to roll over, and he goes willingly, even as he’s a little confused. Taehyung’s only ever fucked him face to face before, and he’s a little curious as to what he has in mind. He finds out quickly, however, because Taehyung pulls his legs open a little and settles between them. He uses his palms to spread Yoongi’s cheeks, and then licks a broad stripe over his rim. It sends a shock of surprise and pleasure through Yoongi, who moans loudly at the unexpected action, pressing his hips up. Taehyung eats him out enthusiastically, alternating between licking, sucking, and probing at Yoongi’s rim with his tongue and Yoongi very quickly starts to unravel entirely. It’s so soft, and gentle, and yet so erotic that he finds himself achingly hard in no time. He’s leaking all over the blanket, and he can’t stop himself from grinding, just slightly, against the bed. Taehyung slaps his ass, warning him to keep still, before plunging his tongue inside. Yoongi presses his face into the pillow to muffle his loud, unbridled moan of pleasure. He does his best to keep still, but when Taehyung starts to fuck him with his tongue, all the while kneading his asscheeks with his big hands, he can’t quite manage it, and it earns him another smack that only riles him up further. 

When Taehyung pulls away and sits up, Yoongi’s suddenly very happy that Taehyung encouraged him to unpack his bag before they went on their walk, because all Taehyung has to do is reach over to pick up the lube left out on the table beside the bed before he’s back. He holds Yoongi open with one hand and squirts the lube right over his hole, before using two fingers right away to slowly plunge inside of him. Yoongi bites the pillow, muffling the deep groan at the stretch of Taehyung’s fingers, and then he smashes his face right into it as his jaw drops open when Taehyung presses small circles right into his prostate. 

Taehyung pulls his fingers out all the way, and Yoongi turns his head, gasping in fresh air. “Fuck, hyung,” Yoongi groans. 

“Say my name,” Taehyung says lowly. 

“Taehyung.” 

“Fuck, Yoongi,” Taehyung says, and then Yoongi feels the head of his cock dragging over his wet hole. Heat washes through Yoongi when he realizes that Taehyung’s not going to prep him more than the two fingers he had in him, and he loves it, loves that Taehyung knows he doesn’t have to treat Yoongi like glass in the bedroom. They’ve talked a lot about sex in the last two months they’ve been having it - talked about limits, and desires, and what they want from each other. Taehyung was a little surprised when Yoongi told him that even before his life changed, he enjoyed a bit of rough treatment in the bedroom, and after a few times of trying to coax it out of him, they found a happy medium. 

Taehyung starts the agonizingly slow process of burying himself in him. As he sinks inside he caresses Yoongi’s back, his neck, his ass. Once he’s fully inside, he drapes himself over Yoongi’s back, his knees bracketing his hips and is arms resting along Yoongi’s. He pries his hands off of the pillow so he can lace their fingers together and press kisses everywhere he can reach. Yoongi cranes his head as far back as he can so that Taehyung can kiss his lips. They stay like this for a long while, kissing, Taehyung buried deep inside of Yoongi as he adjusts to the stretch. 

“Taehyung,” Yoongi moans as he kisses down Yoongi’s neck. “I’m good, please, hyung-ah move, please.” Taehyung pulls out a fraction and grinds himself deep back inside and Yoongi gasps, his eyes fluttering shut and mouth open wide. Taehyung nips and kisses at his neck and jaw as he starts up a torturously slow rhythm. Yoongi loses himself in the sensation, forgets everything - where they are, why they’re there, even forgets his own name as he’s slowly overwhelmed in pleasure and Taehyung. 

They move together, Yoongi meeting each thrust and gasping and moaning as his pleasure begins to mount. Taehyung moves faster, thrusting harder, but still not hard enough. Yoongi whines, “Taehyung, more, please.” So Taehyung complies. He pulls his hands from Yoongi’s grasp, and sits up. He wraps his hands around Yoongi’s hips and pulls him up onto his knees. Yoongi cries out as the new angle allows Taehyung to put more power behind his thrusts, and it feels so good. 

But as Yoongi unravels even further, eyes shut, the only points of contact between them Taehyung’s hands gripping his hips in a bruising grasp and his cock inside, Yoongi almost forgets who it is behind him. Without trying he imagines Jiwoo’s face, or any number of other men who have fucked him in this exact position before, and his heart races and his breath speeds up. “Hyung, hyung, stop,” Yoongi says, and immediately, Taehyung flies off of him, breathing heavily. 

“Yoongi-yah?” he says, coming back, but only to run a hand up Yoongi’s back, and encourage him to roll over. Yoongi goes eagerly, settling on his back so he can stare up at Taehyung, reassuring himself just who it is he’s with, and right away his heart calms. “What’s wrong?” 

“I need to see you,” Yoongi says softly. He reaches out to pull Taehyung back in. “I’m okay,” he breathes. “Just need to see you.”

“Okay baby,” Taehyung whispers, coming back in close to kiss Yoongi deeply. Yoongi pulls his legs up as far as he can, spreading them wide so Taehyung can guide himself back inside. He pulls away from their kiss so he can stare down into Yoongi’s eyes while he slowly builds his rhythm back up to where it was before they moved. The difference, as Yoongi holds eye contact with Taehyung, is immediate. As the pleasure begins to mount again, everything falls away, as it did before, but this time he stays firmly in the moment. There can be no mistaking who he is with, not with Taehyung’s heated, though loving gaze remaining fixed on Yoongi’s. 

Yoongi’s mouth falls open and his hands clutch Taehyung’s shoulders as he thrusts faster and harder and Yoongi falls apart. The combination of the intense eye contact and Taehyung’s deep thrusts brushing his prostate on every pass quickly propels him over the edge, and he comes with a deep moan that rips from his throat as his eyes close of their own volition. Pleasure washes over him, pulling from deep inside and filling him from head to toe. Taehyung puts on a burst of inhuman speed that has Yoongi screaming before he, too, reaches his end, his muscles locking up as he thrusts deep and hard into Yoongi a few more times. Then he presses all the way inside and rests there. Both of their eyes are closed, and Yoongi’s heavy breathing mingles with Taehyung’s more measured breaths in the space between them. 

They rest together, letting themselves come down from their orgasms slowly, gently. Taehyung kisses Yoongi, and he does his best to reciprocate. Eventually he pulls out, and goes to the bathroom quickly to clean himself off, and bring back a towel to clean Yoongi up with. The sun will rise soon, and through the pleasant lightness of his post-orgasm, Yoongi can feel the itch creeping in. 

He starts to cry, and it surprises him almost as much as it surprises Taehyung. “Yoongi-yah? What’s wrong baby?”

“I- I- Fuck. Today has been perfect, and that was amazing, and it was so easy today to forget about everything and pretend I’m just a normal person and you’re just my boyfriend and we’re happy and on fucking vacation but now here I am and I should just be happy because you fucked me so good, hyung, you always do, and we should just fall asleep together happy but I need it and I h- hate it.” He gasps, choking on his sob as he tries to hold it in. Taehyung holds him close, and Yoongi loves it but he hates it too, because of just how often Taehyung has held him through his tears. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t want to want the blood but he does, oh how he does. He needs it and all thought of the fantastic, wonderfully hot sex they just had is gone because all he can think about is the blood and how badly he wants it. 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Yoongi cries. “I’m sorry I can’t just be a normal person.”

“It’s not your fault, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung murmurs. “Please don’t blame yourself. I don’t. No one would. You didn’t do this.”

“But I have to live with it,” Yoongi whispers through his tears. “And sometimes I- I don’t know how I can.” 

“It’ll be okay, Yoongi-yah.” Taehyung spends another moment stroking his hair and his skin with his fingers, before he pulls one arm back to bite into his wrist, and give it to Yoongi, to end his suffering for just a few hours more. 

Taehyung lies propped up in the bed, his shoulders against the headboard. They’re both still naked, and Yoongi is lying on his side, his arm over Taehyung’s stomach, head on his chest. Beneath the blankets, one of his legs is thrown over Taehyung’s, and he’s fast asleep. Outside, the sun has risen. The hotel windows are all fitted with UV film, however, so Taehyung’s safe to lounge in the bed while Yoongi sleeps and stare outside at the beginning of the day. 

He has a lot on his mind, so he’s glad for the peaceful calm. So long as the curtains are open and the room is lit up, Taehyung can stay awake. He doesn’t think he’s going to sleep today. He pulls his gaze away from the window so he can look down at Yoongi. His cheek against Taehyung’s chest causes his lips to stick out in a pout, and Taehyung can’t resist lightly running his fingers through his hair. This whole vacation is meant to be their last hurrah, because Taehyung’s almost certain that Yoongi is not going to want anything to do with him in a few days. 

Two days ago, Taehyung told Yoongi he was meeting a client, and he went to Namjoon. He called an emergency Coven meeting, and everyone arrived within an hour. Taehyung paced around the living room while the rest of his family stared at him in concern and confusion. 

“Taehyung-ah, just tell us what’s wrong,” Seokjin coaxed. 

“It’s about Yoongi,” Taehyung said finally, all the nervous energy draining from him. He stopped pacing, and turned to them all. Namjoon gestured for him to go sit down, but Taehyung shook his head. He looked at each member of his Coven in turn, gently worrying his lip with one of his fangs. “Please… promise not to be too angry with me when I tell you this…” he whispered. His eyes flitted over to Namjoon, whose brow immediately furrowed deeply. 

“Tae, what happened? Did you- Did you turn him?” 

“No! No, nothing like that… or well. I don’t know. Maybe. Kinda like that?” Taehyung groaned, knowing that all he was doing was confusing them further. 

“Tae, just say it, and we’ll deal with whatever it is after we all know,” Jimin said. Taehyung looked over to his Maker and best friend, and nodded. He took a deep breath. 

“Yoongi is a vampire blood addict.” The whole apartment felt silent as the grave. “He- He… He was preyed upon by a vampire named Shin Beomsu, who forced him to drink it one night, and then provided it to him for several months before he disappeared. I looked, and it’s because he was caught giving the blood to a different human and was arrested. Since he disappeared, Yoongi was forced to get it anywhere he could, and he lost his job, and for the last year his whole life has revolved around doing whatever he has to in order to get the blood. When I met him, he was at absolute rock bottom, and I could sense that, I think, but I didn’t know the full extent of the problem. Not until one night he couldn’t find one of the vampires who usually gave it to him, so he was forced to ask a random vampire to trade his blood for theirs, and that vampire got angry and took his blood without giving anything in return. Yoongi called me, while he was bleeding on the floor, and when I tried to take him to the hospital, he panicked and told me everything.” Taehyung stopped, keeping his breaths even and calm. “I’ve been taking care of him since that night. He lives with me.”

“Taehyung, where is he getting the blood now?” Namjoon asked, his voice low, almost dangerously so.

“From me,” he whispered, and the collective intake of breath from his Coven was deafening. 

“Taehyung!” Seokjin exclaimed, standing up. “What? What were you thinking?”

“Taehyung you know what would happen if you got caught!” Hoseok exclaimed. 

“What would compel you to do something so stupid?” Seokjin said, pacing over to the window. Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut, balling his hands into fists. Then he opened his mouth to respond, but Namjoon’s voice cut him off. 

“What are you going to do about it?” He didn’t sound angry, and when Taehyung opened his eyes again, he found Namjoon’s resting steadily on him. Taehyung glanced at Jimin, and found him looking shocked, and then to Jeongguk, whose face held a similar expression. “You’ve been doing this for months now, right? And you didn’t tell us until now, so you must have a plan, don’t you?”

Taehyung swallowed, nodding slowly. “I do. I- Um. I brought up the possibility of Changing him a couple times, but he…”

“He wouldn’t hear it, right?” Jimin said. Taehyung shook his head. “He’s an addict… of course he would never choose to give it up.”

“I realized a few months ago that he wouldn’t choose to save himself by letting me Change him. He- He told me that he’s been suicidal for a while, but that he could never go through with it because of the addiction telling him that if he died he couldn’t get high anymore, and that it’s the same when he thinks about becoming a vampire.”

“So… what are you going to do?” Jeongguk asked, his voice soft. 

“I…” Taehyung deflated, the pressure of his emotions building in his chest. “I really care about him. If things were different, he would already be my familiar, and we could be happy together. And maybe he would have even chosen to be Changed so that we could stay together. And that’s not how things are, but… I don’t want him to die. I love him, and I may even be well on my way to falling in love with him, even though I know better… But my feelings aside, he doesn’t deserve to die, not for something he didn’t choose. So the only thing I can do is Change him.”

The Coven was silent for a long time, taking in all that Taehyung said. “Without his permission?” Jimin said finally, and while Taehyung expected reproach from him, there was none. “That’s not how things work now, Taehyung-ah… you can’t-”

“But that’s how things were for a very long time,” he said, an edge of desperation entering into his voice. “It’s the only way to save him. And if I don’t, and refuse to give him the blood he’ll go get it somewhere else, and then I have no way to protect him from other vampires out there willing to give their blood to an addict. I would never for anyone who isn’t Yoongi, and only because I want to protect him. Other vampires, the ones who will agree to trade a human’s blood for their own… they don’t care about that human… They don’t care what happens to them afterward. Yoongi was regularly abandoned right after being fed, but I can stay there with him, and hold him through it, and make sure he’s safe. But the things he’s been through, the things his body has been through… he doesn’t deserve it. And he’s going to die unless I do this.”

“Have you thought that… perhaps letting him die is the more humane thing to do?” Seokjin asked softly. 

“Not when he’d be left to suffer for however long that takes,” Taehyung snapped. “You’re surgeons,” he said, pleading to both of his oldest hyungs. “Don’t you have to do things all the time that perhaps your patients might not like, but that you have to do in order to save their lives? Yoongi didn’t want to die before he became an addict! He had a life, he was an architect, for fuck’s sake! He had his life stolen from him, and now his judgement is altered by the blood, so if he tells me he wants to die now I don’t truly believe it! He’s only saying it because he’s in a dark place because of what was done to him and what he’s been through. And I can give him his life back, I can take away the addiction, and give him a fresh start! And I’ll be there with him every step of the way, because I would never abandon him. And it’ll be really hard, and he’s probably going to hate me…” He runs out of steam, his shoulder slumping. “And that’s where I need you all. He’s going to hate me, and he’s going to need you to be there for him until he lets me back in… I need you, Namjoon-hyung, to welcome him into our Coven so he has a family, and has support through it all.”

“Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon said, his expression compassionate. “Of course we’ll welcome him with open arms. If you love him, then we will too.” Namjoon sighed through his nose. “I can tell you’ve been thinking about this for a long while.”

“I have. Two months… I would have done it sooner, but… he as so sick and unhealthy when I met him. He was so tiny, just- just skeletal. I’ve been making sure he eats right and sleeps well, and he’s still underweight but not as badly anymore, and I know he’s more happy with his body, so… he might not hate being in it the way it is for the rest of his life. But it’s time. I can tell, he’s getting so happy and comfortable with the way things are. He thinks that we can keep up this routine for the rest of his life, but we can’t. I can’t. I can’t give him false hope like that.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do it?” Namjoon asked softly. “So that if he has to hate someone, it’s not you?”

Taehyung shook his head firmly. “No, I- I want it to be me.” He couldn’t even entirely pin down why he needed to be the one to do it, except that it felt right to him. Namjoon nodded. 

“Well,” Namjoon said, turning to the rest of the Coven. “What say you?”

“Yes,” Jimin said immediately. “Tae, I can see how much you care about him. And after meeting him, I can see why you like him so much. So, yes.”

“Yes,” Hoseok said, followed by Seokjin. 

“Yes,” Jeongguk said softly. “You’re right, he didn’t deserve what happened to him… No one deserves that. And as shitty as it was to be Changed against my will… So much good came out of it. So even if he’s angry, at first… we have to have hope that over time he’ll be able to see the good that can come from it as well.”

Namjoon looked at Taehyung. “So. When are you doing this?”

“I’m taking him to Busan, to stay at the Paradise Hotel on Friday for a long weekend. I’m going to encourage him to spent as much time in the sun as I can, and then on Monday. I’ve… I’ve already filled out the application for official permission to Change a human. The only problem is that I won’t be able to get his signature for it.”

“Are you going to forge it?” Jeongguk asked.

“I don’t know…”

“Taehyung-ah…” Hoseok said then, his tone tentative. “If you did forge his signature and he went to the Council after you Changed him and told them that you did it without his permission that can get you in a lot of trouble. What you need to do…” Hoseok winced, and sighed. “What you need to do is turn him in to the authorities. Then we can apply for official permission to adopt him into our Coven to save him.”

“Hoseok is right,” Namjoon said. Taehyung finally sat down on the edge of the couch, his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. 

“I wish I could cry,” he whispered. “Because then I could have some relief from this pressure in my chest that’s been there since I found out what happened to him…” Namjoon’s hand on his back helped somewhat. “You’re right, Hoseok-hyung… that’s what I’m going to have to do. And… maybe that might be better? I don’t know. It’s going to be horrible either way.”

“If we get the permission we need from the Council to Change an addict, then he will have no choice, but he might not feel like he’s being attacked,” Namjoon said gently. “Which he might have, had you just done it. This way, he’ll know what’s happening, and his choice with either be to let us Change him or a one-way ticket to hospice. And you’re right, Tae-yah, it’s going to be horrible, but in the long run, I think this way will be much better. We’ll all be there to support you both.” Taehyung sat up and turned to hug him, holding him tightly and pressing his face into his neck. 

“Thank you, hyung.”

Now, lying in bed, Taehyung feels like he’s counting down to the end of the world. Counting down the timer on a bomb, waiting for the inevitable explosion. All he can do is hope that when it happens, he can salvage both himself and Yoongi from the wreckage. 

The weekend passes like a dream for Yoongi. He spent each night with Taehyung out and about in Haeundae, eating and drinking and enjoying the beach and the hotel. They lounged by the pool, and went to the spa to be pampered. He ate the delicious and expensive food at the fancy restaurants, as well as all the street food they could find. When they were in the room - and not sleeping - they made love. Yoongi blushes when he thinks about it, because the term ‘make love’ has always felt so cheesy. But when he thinks about the sex he has with Taehyung that’s the only descriptor that feels right. They weren’t just having sex, and they certainly weren’t fucking. With Taehyung it’s always been soft and tender and so wonderful Yoongi can forget about every bad thing in his life when Taehyung’s hands are on him, when he’s inside of him. He’s never been happier. 

On Sunday, a little after midnight, Taehyung drives them back to Seoul. “Do we have to go back?” Yoongi pouts, curled up in the passenger’s seat. 

Taehyung laughs, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel, glancing over to him. “We could move to Busan, and live in Haeundae, but my Coven would be sad.” He looks at him again, pouting with his bottom lip stuck out, and Yoongi melts, smiling. 

“You’re right. But we can come back, right?”

“Of course we can.”

Yoongi lets himself relax as they drive through the night, thinking back over the weekend and how wonderful it was. “Hyung,” he says softly after a few hours. Taehyung hums, glancing at him. “Thank you.” Taehyung smiles, though he doesn’t look away from the road. “I had a really wonderful vacation.”

“You’re welcome, Yoongi-yah.”

“Hyung?” 

“Yes, baby?”

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The next day, Yoongi’s sitting on the couch watching a movie. Taehyung went out to meet a client, but promised to be home soon. It’s getting closer to the sunrise, but Yoongi’s no more antsy than he usually is when it gets to be this time of night. He knows Taehyung will come back in time. He always does. 

He can’t focus on the movie any longer, so he turns the TV off and stands. He paces around the living room, absently scratching behind his ear. His hands shake slightly, and the itch is getting worse, but still, he reminds himself again and again that Taehyung will be back soon. Taehyung will take care of him, he has been for almost four months now. 

Yoongi wanders into Taehyung’s bedroom - practically their bedroom by now, considering how infrequently Yoongi sleeps in the other room these days. In fact, it’s been weeks now since he’s spent the day anywhere other than in Taehyung’s arms. He flicks on the light, and shivers. It’s cold in Taehyung’s room. Cold in the whole apartment, and he’s not wearing any socks. Yoongi could go to his room to get some, but he’s already in here. He goes to Taehyung’s wardrobe, and pulls the top drawer open. Yoongi’s seen him wearing a pair of thick, warm-looking fuzzy socks a few times, and its those he looks for, digging through the rolled up balls of plain white, black, or brown socks. In the back of the drawer his hand brushes the soft material of the socks he was looking for at the same moment they brush against something that feels like paper. He furrows his brow, and pulls out the socks before reaching back in and pulling out a piece of folded up paper. 

You should put this back, Yoongi. He hid it, so he obviously doesn’t want you to see it, he tells himself. But he’s always been a curious person, so he unfolds it, and the moment he reads the bold words along the top of the page Yoongi’s entire world is flipped upside down. 

APPLICATION FOR A HUMAN TO VAMPIRE TRANSFORMATION

It’s entirely filled out, with Taehyung’s name in the box marked MAKER and Yoongi’s in the box marked HUMAN. He frantically scans the document, his heart beginning to pound in his chest, and his breath heaving. The ground falls out from beneath him, and Yoongi finds himself in a freefall. At the bottom of the page is Taehyung’s signature. The only thing it’s missing is Yoongi’s below it. Yoongi’s going to be sick. He crumples the paper and tosses it aside, the socks having long since fallen from his other hand, and runs to the bathroom. He barely makes it to the toilet, throwing himself to his knees on the hard tile floor, before he’s heaving up his dinner, emptying his stomach. He retches until there’s nothing but bile coming up, and he’s left gasping for breath, spit stringing from his mouth and tears flowing down his cheeks. He’s stuck, frozen, crouched over the toilet as he fully comprehends what’s happening. 

Taehyung… lied to me. He lied to me! He’s been lying to me! He pushes himself up, stumbling to the sink so he can rinse his mouth out and wipe his eyes and nose of tears and snot. He stares into his reflection, seeing not the content, round-faced man he’s been able to be the last few months. He sees a feral animal, his eyes wild. He’s shaking worse than he has in months and his heart is pounding as his brain floods his system with adrenaline. A voice in his head, the voice that belongs to the black hand that has his heart in a vice grip, that’s had Yoongi in a choke hold for almost a year and a half, screams at him to get out! He’s going to Change you whether you want him to or not! He lied to you, he betrayed you! He doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you! See, he had the form all filled out and ready to go, he was probably going to forge your signature, and then he’d have all the permission he needed to attack you! You must. Get. Out. 

Yoongi goes to his room, puts on jeans, socks, and a sweatshirt. He grabs his phone and his wallet, and then goes to get his coat and shove his feet into his boots, and then he flees. 

Chapter Text

And as the seasons pass
And winter's numbing cold gives way to pain
We light these fires to sit beside
As we pray like hell for rain

Yoongi walks through the early dawn streets of Seoul in a fog. He has no destination in mind. He only knows he needs to get far away from Taehyung. Far away from the person who has spent months making Yoongi trust him, making him think that he cares about him. He doesn’t care. How can he, when he’s clearly so willing to disregard what Yoongi wants? Yoongi can’t stop replaying the many conversations they’ve had, where Taehyung tells him how what was done to him was terrible, and how he should always have a choice when it comes to his life. It was all a lie. Taehyung doesn’t care about Yoongi’s choice, not when he was about to take it away from him. Was that what the vacation was? To lull him into a false sense of security before Taehyung attacked him? 

I knew it was too good to be true, Yoongi thinks, his hands stuffed deep into his coat pockets. His hand is wrapped around his phone, and he feels it start to vibrate again. Taehyung’s been calling him, again and again since about twenty minutes after Yoongi left. Just in time, he thinks, letting the phone keep ringing. He got tired of giving me the blood. That has to be it. I’m too much work, so he was just going to Change me and cast me away so he didn’t have to deal with me anymore. 

The phone stops vibrating, and Yoongi puts on a burst of speed, trying to get away even faster. He’s heading toward the subway. He has to go to Itaewon, he realizes. The itch is getting unbearable as every minute puts him further and further from the time he gets the blood every morning. The lump in Yoongi’s throat grows bigger, heavier, as the pressure in his chest grows as well. He feels like a scream is building up in his lungs. His hands shake. His heart pounds and his breath comes short. 

How could I have been so stupid as to think that he actually cared about me? 

Yoongi looks around frantically, and then ducks into a small alleyway between two tall buildings. There’s not much room, but Yoongi’s a small person. There’s no one around to see him crouch down, shoving his sleeve in his mouth as he bursts and hot tears spill from his eyes, his breath catching on a sob. 

How could he do this to me? 

Yoongi bites down on his sleeve hard as he tries to rein himself in, tries to pull the sobs back inside, lock them up tight. He can’t do this now. He can’t let himself break down. But… what else can he do? The sun has risen, and Yoongi needs the blood but he can’t get it. Not unless he goes back to Taehyung, and he is not going to do that. He’s not going to let another vampire take something away from him again. He’s not going to let Taehyung take the blood from him. He can’t. 

Yoongi gets himself together through sheer force of will, stands up, and continues trekking to the subway. It’s full of humans starting their day, heading to work. Yoongi rides the train from Gangnam Station to Sindang, and then transfers to line six, and rides it to Itaewon. When he emerges almost an hour later, the sun has fully risen, and it’s well on the way to being a warm, sunny day. It almost feels like the earth is mocking him, because as bright and sunny as it is outside, inside Yoongi feels like he’s dying. It feels like his insides are ripping themselves apart as they scream for the blood.

He spends the whole morning wandering up and down the hill, eventually going to a motel and renting a room for the day with whatever bit of money he has left in his account, which he hasn’t needed to check in months now. He lies curled up in a ball for hours, and by the time the sun sets, Yoongi’s shaking uncontrollably, as bad or worse than he did at the height of his craving just before he met Taehyung. He knows that it’ll be a while before any vampires make their way out to the clubs, but thirty minutes after the sun sets he can’t help himself any longer. He doesn’t care who he finds, just that he needs to find a vampire now. He goes to Droplet for the first time in months. As he walks up to the door, his shaking hands hidden in his pockets, even though that doesn’t hide the way his whole body shivers, and tries to smile at Hyun, the bouncer when he greets him like an old friend. 

“Well, look who it is!” he says jovially. “Good evening, Kitten. It’s been a long time.”

Yoongi bows shallowly. “Hello Hyun, can I go inside please?” His tone is short.

“I think you’re our first customer tonight,” Hyun says, chuckling. If he cares about Yoongi’s tone, he’s not showing it. He gestures for him to go inside, and Yoongi does without another word. Sure enough, there is no one else inside the club. Yoongi walks right up to the bar and sits down. He orders a whisky when the bartender steps up in front of him. He immediately downs it, and orders another. 

The bartenders talk to each other over the music of the club, still cranked loud despite the lack of customers. Yoongi sits at the bar, staring down into the amber liquor as he forces himself to drink this one more slowly. Eventually more people start arriving, but so far only humans. Yoongi feels like he can’t breathe. Like if he makes just one small movement he’ll break, or fall apart at the seams. He hurts and he wants. He stares at his empty glass, wanting to order another drink, but afraid that if he opens his mouth he’ll scream. Around him the club fills with noise and laughter, the sounds of life and movement, and Yoongi sits still as the grave, feeling like he’s about to die.

A hand on his shoulder startles him so badly he flings the glass away, and it sides off the bar, crashing to the floor. But Yoongi doesn’t care about that, because when he turns he’s come face to face with his salvation. Hope, desperation, and an all consuming need fill Yoongi.

“Hello Kitten,” Jiwoo says, a dangerous smile on his face. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi whispers, his eyes wide. 

“Where have you been, baby?” Jiwoo asks, pouting, but Yoongi can see in his eyes that he’s not being playful. “I looked for you for weeks, Kitten.” His voice is covered in a facade of sadness. “I’m a little upset that you took your blood away from me without a single word, Kitten. You were my favorite.”

“Hyung, I’ll tell you everything but please I need it, I need it,” he says, stumbling over his words as he stumbles over his feet getting off the stool. He falls against Jiwoo’s chest, and his arms come up to steady Yoongi. He’s still talking, he realizes, still begging, frantic, desperate, and without another word Jiwoo hauls him in close and walks him right out of the club. 

“Shut up,” Jiwoo snaps as they enter the love motel they used to frequent so often. Yoongi bites down on his lip so hard he almost breaks the skin. Jiwoo gets them a room and he leads Yoongi, who can barely stand, toward the elevator. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi starts, but Jiwoo wraps his hand around Yoongi’s jaw, wrenching his head up and back. 

“I said, shut up.” Yoongi closes his mouth as he starts to cry. “Shit, you’re even more pathetic than you used to be.”

The elevator doors open and Jiwoo pulls him out and down the hall. He lets them into a room, and without even stopping to let Yoongi take his shoes off, he’s on him, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other gripping his ass as he kisses Yoongi hungrily, unheeding of the tears and snot on Yoongi’s face. “Fuck Kitten, I missed this ass,” he growls against his lips. “And you’ve gained some weight, so now there’s even more of it, fuck.” Yoongi wants to push him away, wants to protest because he’s with Taehyung. But Taehyung betrayed him, and while he wants to be angry about that, he can’t because all he can think about is the blood and the fact that Jiwoo will give it to him. He always does, but only after he fucks him, so if Yoongi needs to fuck him he will because then he’ll get the blood and he’ll be okay. At least for a little while longer.

But Jiwoo pushes him down on the bed and climbs on top of him, holding his arms up beside his head, pinning him entirely, and he does nothing aside from stare down at him for a long moment. “Where did you go, Kitten?” he asks, his tone growing dangerously serious. “Did you find some other vampire to feed you?” Crying harder, Yoongi nods. “Aww, and then what, that vampire tossed you aside so you came crawling back?” He nods again, his face screwing up in shame. 

“Please hyung, I’ll do anything. But I need it.”

“Hmm,” Jiwoo says, tilting his head to the side, pursing his lips in mock consternation. “I don’t know… I think you need to learn a lesson. You need to be taught that you can’t just abandon me and come crawling back, expecting nothing will have changed.”

“Please,” Yoongi begs, his voice small. There’s not much left inside of him. His energy has been waning all day, and now with it right in front of him Yoongi thinks if he doesn’t get the blood now, he’ll die. 

Jiwoo lets go of one of his hands, and slides his hand through Yoongi’s hair. He wrenches his head to the side, and dives in to bite harshly at Yoongi’s neck. He screams, feeling the sharp fangs pierce his skin for the first time in months, and he’d forgotten how much it hurts. He sobs and Jiwoo drinks. He drinks and drinks, and absently Yoongi begins to realize that he’s been drinking a lot longer than he usually does. There’s a buzzing in his ears as the world goes fuzzy, his vision starting to close in around the edges. “S-stop,” he slurs, weakly batting at Jiwoo, who just tightens his grip on Yoongi’s hair. By the time Jiwoo pulls away, Yoongi is too weak to move. He’s freezing cold and sweating, shivering and barely holding onto his consciousness. 

Above him, rather than biting down on his wrist to give Yoongi the blood, the way he always does, he pulls out his phone. Yoongi watches in hazy confusion as he dials, and puts the phone to his ear. He can barely hear over the buzzing in his ears. “Hello, there’s a human in room 409 at Feel the Love Motel in Itaewon. I think he was attacked by a vampire, he needs help, come quickly.” Jiwoo puts the phone back in his pocket, and then gets off of Yoongi. “Goodbye Kitten, have fun dying, either here or in the hospital once they find out what a pathetic junkie you are.” Yoongi watches, unable to speak or move as Jiwoo leaves the room. He stares up at the ceiling as the whole world crashes down on top of him, and only then does he succumb to the blackness threatening to swallow him whole. 

Kim Jiyoon walks through the quiet hospital hallway, holding two cups of coffee, one for her, and one for Byun Sehee, her best friend and coworker. She’s been a nurse at Asan Medical Center for ten years now. She works in the intensive care unit, which is either hectic, and bustling with activity, or silent save the beeping of the heart monitors which tell them if their patients are still okay - or as okay as they can be - or not. It’s a little after midnight, and she’s finishing her break, heading back to the nurse’s station. 

Sehee gasps when she sees her friend. “Is that for me?”

“Of course,” Jiyoon laughs softly. She hands her the coffee, and sits down in her chair, taking a careful sip of the hot liquid. She sighs. “How is everyone?”

“Everyone’s fine, as of right now.”

“How’s our newest visitor?”

“He’s fine as well. They gave him a sedative to keep him calm, though he was unconscious when they brought him in.”

“Is it true that he was attacked by a vampire?” Jiyoon says, her voice hushed. 

“I’d say so. He’s got a fresh wound on his neck, and he came in with so little blood volume, it’s a miracle he wasn’t dead before they could start transfusing him. His heart did stop, once on the ambulance, apparently. They had to divert him from Soonchunhyang because they were swamped with traumas. But they brought him right back, and getting the transfusion going did help. He’s also covered with bite mark scars, so something tells me this guy is no stranger to ‘donating’ his blood. He must have just gotten unlucky this time…” Sehee trails off, giving her friend a knowing look. Jiyoon frowns slightly. She knows how her friend feels about those people who let vampires feed on them willingly, but Jiyoon has never really felt the same. Sehee, and many others, think that they’re stupid if they do it without the safety of being that vampire’s familiar, that vampires don’t care about humans, and so letting a random vampire drink your blood is stupid and reckless and asking for trouble. It’s not that common, but accidents do happen. 

But Jiyoon prefers not to judge. She doesn’t know that poor man’s story, doesn’t know why he chose to let that vampire feed on him - or if he even chose. After all, she heard that on the emergency call, whoever reported it said he was attacked, so this could very well be a case of blood rape. Jiyoon doesn’t know. So she doesn’t judge. She takes a long sip of her coffee, wincing slightly when it burns her tongue, still a little too hot to drink, and leaves it at the nurse’s station to get up to make her way around to check on each of their patients. She moves slowly, for there’s no rush on the night shift, no visitors to deal with, and unless there’s an accident, no new patients. There are only the few people who had surgeries earlier in the day, or who, like their John Doe, were not surgical patients, but who needed a little bit of a closer eye. 

When she makes it to his room, her face softens. She’s always felt just a little more for the unknown patients, those who come in with no ID, no record, no nothing to let them know anything about them. In his wallet he had a debit card with the name Min Yoongi on it, but they have no idea if that’s his card or if he stole it. As much as Jiyoon tries not to judge, considering the way he looks, she wouldn’t be surprised if that card were stolen. She checks all of his monitors first, and then turns her attention to the man himself. He’s still quite pale, and he’s so thin. Asleep like this, he looks like he couldn’t be more than a teenager, with how small he is, but Jiyoon has a feeling he’s a little bit older than that, considering how scarred his body is. She puts her hand on his forearm, where it’s lying on the bed. “You’re going to be alright,” she murmurs. 

She goes to pull her hand away, but then he twitches, and groans before starting to curl in on himself. “Sir, sir, please be careful, you’ve got a few tubes and wires hooked up to you right now." His face screws up and he lets out a groan that sounds more like a sob. His eyes flutter open and he looks around frantically. Jiyoon is still trying to calm him, and keep him from pulling on his IV as the heart monitor shows his pulse is starting to race. “Sir, you’re at Asan Medical Center. Take a deep breath for me.”

Jiyoon’s heart clenches when he lets out the most heart wrenching sound. “Nurse Byun page Min Yoongi’s doctor!” she calls to Sehee, glancing around to make sure her friend heard. “Sir, can you tell me your name?” Doctor Lee Kinam rushes in, and Jiyoon hastens to fill him in. “He just woke up maybe a minute ago, I don’t know if his distress is physical or mental.” She has to raise her voice to hear over the man, who’s started babbling incoherently through his anguished sobs. 

“Sir, please take a deep breath for me, try to calm down.” 

“Please please please,” he’s saying, and Jiyoon takes his hand, trying to get into his field of vision. 

“What do you need sir?” Dr Lee says, helping by restraining the hand he’s been trying to scratch at himself with. “Page psych,” he mutters to Jiyoon. 

“I need it, I need the blood,” the man cries. Dr Lee’s eyes narrow with confusion, but Jiyoon’s widen as she realizes what he’s talking about. She saw a vampire blood addict once, when they were brought into the hospital. They were almost feral in their desperation. It’s a bitch of an addiction, that’s for use. 

“Doctor, I think he’s a vampire blood addict,” she says softly. 

Dr Lee’s face screws up in disgust. “I need him to confirm his name,” he mutters to Jiyoon over the poor man’s cries. “Sir can you tell me your name?” Dr Lee asks firmly. 

Between his garbled pleas for the blood, they hear Min Yoongi, and as soon as they do, Dr Lee sedates him again. “Page me if his vitals change, I have to go report this,” the doctor says, and leaves. Jiyoon glares after him, not appreciating his attitude, but she stays with him for a few moments longer. 

“Min Yoongi-nim, I’m sorry,” she whispers, holding his hand in one of hers and stroking it with the other. She feels terrible for this poor guy. She stays with him for another moment, but he’s now firmly unconscious under the sedation, and there’s nothing more she can do for him. She turns and starts walking back to the nurse’s station, but her steps falter, when she sees Dr Kim Namjoon approaching from down the hall. “Dr Kim, good evening,” Jiyoon says, and he smiles kindly at her. 

“Good evening Nurse Kim. I heard there’s a patient brought in who was attacked by a vampire?” he asks, stopping just in front of her. He glances over to Sehee. 

“Yes, he was brought in a little while ago,” Sehee says. “They’re transfusing him, but he just woke up in a lot of distress.”

“Dr Lee sedated him. I think he’s a vampire blood addict.” Jiyoon watches as Dr Kim’s brows furrow slightly, before shooting up as surprise blooms across his face. 

“Which bed is he in?” he asks quickly, and Jiyoon points toward where Min Yoongi is resting. She follows, wondering just why it is that Dr Kim seemed so surprised. She stops at the doorway to see what happens. She was under the impression that most vampires held a low opinion of humans who are addicted to their blood, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for Dr Kim.

He gasps as he takes in Min Yoongi’s small, pale, sleeping form. “Sir?” Jiyoon asks. 

“Page Dr Kim Seokjin, now please.” Jiyoon turns toward Sehee, who is standing up behind the nurse’s station watching. She nods, and picks up the phone, and Jiyoon turns back to Dr Kim. “I know him,” he says, glancing to Jiyoon, before he goes to pull up a chair to sit beside Min Yoongi. Jiyoon knows she should give him privacy, but her curiosity is burning inside her, so she lingers quietly. Dr Kim pulls out his phone and after dialing, puts it to his ear. “Taehyung-ah,” he says, voice quiet but urgent. “I found him.” She can’t hear any distinct words on the other end of Dr Kim’s call, but she does hear whoever he’s speaking to raise their voice. “He’s at the hospital, here at Asan. I’m sitting beside him now. He’s sedated.” He pauses. Then, “hang on, Nurse Kim?” he calls, turning to Jiyoon, who stands up straight. “What do you know about what happened? Tae I’m putting you on speaker so you can hear the nurse, don’t yell please.” Dr Kim pulls the phone away and taps the screen, before holding the phone out. Jiyoon takes a few steps closer, and she can hear whoever is on the phone breathing harshly. 

“He was brought in a few hours ago. Whoever made the emergency call said they thought he was attacked by a vampire, and his blood volume was very low. His heart stopped once in the ambulance-” Jiyoon is cut off by a strangled cry coming from the phone. Whoever she’s speaking to cares very much for Min Yoongi, and for that Jiyoon is grateful. 

“Shh, Tae, it’s okay, he’s fine now,” Dr Kim says, trying to soothe his friend. 

“But they got him back, and as soon as they brought him in they started transfusing him. That stabilized him, and he was unconscious until about ten minutes ago. He woke up in a lot of distress. He was crying and seemed to be in pain, and he was calling out for something he needed, which we surmised was vampire blood. We believe he’s an addict.” She says this gently, not wanting to upset whoever is on the phone further, but from their careful lack of reaction, she guesses that they already knew that. “Dr Lee sedated him because he wouldn’t calm down, and his heart was working too hard. That’s all I know, Dr Lee left to make the report.”

“Hyung,” the person on the phone says. “Hyung we have to do it now. Please,” he begs, and Dr Kim takes the phone off speaker and then nods to Jiyoon, clearly dismissing her. She walks out of the room, back to the nurse’s station and sits down. Her heart is heavy with sorrow for Min Yoongi, but there’s a kernel of hope there as well. She knows as well as anyone else that the only people who can help the poor souls addicted to vampire blood are vampires, and it would appear that Dr Kim, one of the only vampires Jiyoon knows personally, is prepared to help this man. She sits down, glancing every so often over the counter at Dr Kim, still on the phone, and at the pale man in the bed. 

Taehyung paces back and forth in Namjoon and Seokjin’s apartment, feeling the scream that’s been working its way up through his chest for hours now starting to reach its peak. It started, planting the seed in his lungs when he returned from meeting his client to find an empty apartment. At first, he thought nothing of it. Maybe Yoongi just went to the store. So he called him, and when he didn’t answer, he still didn’t worry. Maybe it’s on silent, and his hands weren’t in the pockets of his puffy winter coat so he didn’t feel it vibrating. 

When he made his way through the apartment, however, and smelled something unexpected, that’s when he started to worry. He followed his nose into the bathroom, and recoiled when he found the toilet filled with unflushed vomit. Panic started to bloom, and he went to check Yoongi’s room. No one. Then he checked his own bedroom, and immediately his eyes zeroed in on the crumpled up paper on the floor. Walking like he was approaching a bomb, Taehyung went to pick it up. Sure enough it was the application he had filled out, before he talked to his Coven. That meant Yoongi knew. That must have been what made Yoongi sick: panic. And then he left. 

Taehyung’s heart doesn’t beat, which in turn doesn’t cause him to hyperventilate when he’s in distress. But sometimes, he finds that in times of great emotional stress, it helps to hyperventilate, an illusion of something to help calm his mind. So that’s what he did, he stood in his room hyperventilating, clutching the paper he knew he should have just shredded and disposed of. Because now Yoongi is gone and Taehyung has no idea where he went, and the sun is rising soon so he was trapped. 

He sat in his bed with the lights on all day, calling Yoongi every so often, texting him even more, hoping that he’ll answer, or respond, so Taehyung would know he was okay. He didn’t get his morning fix, so Taehyung knew he had to be miserable all day and that knowledge was so painful… So Taehyung couldn’t let himself sleep, to make the day pass faster. The moment the sun set, Taehyung called Namjoon and the rest of the Coven, telling them with a hollow voice what happened, and that Yoongi is missing. Jimin and Hoseok were able to take a day off to help Taehyung begin to scour the city, but Namjoon, Seokjin, and Jeongguk were all stuck for the time. In the end, all of their searching was for naught, because Taehyung had been sitting in his car at a red light when Namjoon called him. He immediately pulled over, nearly getting hit in the process, to listen to what the nurse with Namjoon had to say, and the scream in his chest nearly burst free when he heard that Yoongi’s heart stopped. 

Now, he paces around the penthouse, Jimin and Hoseok sitting silently on the couch as they wait for Jeongguk to arrive. Namjoon called Jeongguk’s manager and claimed they need Jeongguk home immediately for Coven business, and he was compelled to allow him to leave his schedule early. Seokjin and Namjoon are still at the hospital, taking care of all the paperwork they need in order to get Yoongi released to them. “Hyung, will you tell me the process again?” Taehyung grinds out through his teeth, and Hoseok sighs softly. 

“They have to run tests, to confirm the vampire blood addiction, and it has to be reported to the Vampire Council of Seoul. They have to alert the police as well, and a judge and a representative of the Council have to go to the hospital. If Yoongi didn’t have anyone, the judge and the Council member would sign off on his hospice care.” He paused there when Taehyung released a choked off gasp. “But he does have us. So Namjoon hyung will sign all the necessary paperwork to get him released into our custody as a newly adopted member of our Coven. The judge and the Council member will sign off as well, and then we will have twenty-four hours to Change Yoongi. As soon as the Change is complete, we will alert the Council, who will enter him in the Korean Vampire Registry. I brought enough blood with me from the bank for his first feeding, but tomorrow after sunset, we’ll take him to the bank and get him registered there as a newborn.”

“What would happen if we didn’t Change him within twenty-four hours?” Jimin asks, his voice soft. Taehyung stops pacing and turns to regard Hoseok, waiting for the answer. 

“Well, if it’s because we let him go, then we’d get in trouble. But if… for whatever reason, we just didn’t, or couldn’t, they would take him back into custody, and admit him to hospice.” Taehyung’s eyes close involuntarily, and it feels once again like his heart is petrified, and growing heavier by the minute. “The… challenge,” he says carefully, “will be if Yoongi resists us. They’ve been transfusing him all night, so other than the need for vampire blood, he should be strong enough to be conscious when Namjoon and Seokjin bring him home. So, Taehyung-ah… It’s going to be very hard. He’s going to be in a lot of pain, I’m sure, and he’s probably going to be very emotional. I’m sorry.”

Taehyung feels like he was punched very hard right in the sternum, like his chest is caving in on itself. He nods, having no words. Hoseok is right, it’s going to be very hard. But… it was going to be difficult no matter how it happened. So, he tries to gather his wits, to steel himself for what is very certainly going to be a nearly impossible task. 

Jeongguk arrives twenty minutes later, and together the four of them wait for their hyungs to let them know they’re on their way. 

Namjoon stands in front of the Chief of Surgery, an older, though still very strong man named Kang Woobin. “Sir, I’m sure by now you’ve heard of the patient brought into the ICU, who was attacked by a vampire,” he says calmly.

Dr Kang tuts. “I heard he was a blood addict.” Namjoon nods. 

“Yes, sir. I know him personally.” That gets the Chief’s attention, and he looks up from his paperwork, one brow raised. “He’s a friend to a member of my Coven, and has been for a while now.”

“Did you know about his little problem?” the Chief asks skeptically. 

“No, sir. We did not,” Namjoon lies. Thankfully, he’s had a very, very long time to become an excellent liar. “But we’ve made the decision to adopt him into our Coven, and so Dr Kim Seokjin and I will need a few days off to help him adjust.” The Chief looks hesitant.

“Can’t another vampire in your Coven handle it? We need you both here.”

“No, sir. This is a Coven matter, and every member is necessary. But as the leader of my Coven, I am especially necessary.” Namjoon watches the Chief grapple with the fact that he has no choice. If Namjoon claims he needs to leave due to a Coven matter, he is legally permitted to leave work. There is nothing the Chief can say to stop him. That’s one good thing that’s come out of all this regulation we were saddled with when we went public, Namjoon thinks. 

“Fine,” Dr Kang says. “How long will you need?”

“Two days and nights, I think, will be sufficient.” 

“Fine, fine,” he says, waving Namjoon off, and though he bristles at the dismissal, Namjoon chooses not to remind this human that he is more than seven hundred years older than him. Namjoon has more important things to deal with. 

He returns to the ICU, where Seokjin is speaking with the Vampire Council member who arrived just a little bit ago. The judge, who oversaw the case, has already left, no doubt returning home to her bed. Everything is in order, every form filled out, every signature received, and now all they have to do is wait for Yoongi to come out of his sedation so they can bring him home. 

The Council member, a vampire woman a little over four hundred years old, named Kim Geunyoung, is someone whom Namjoon has only met a few times, but he’s always liked her just fine. “How is he?” Namjoon asks as he re-enters the hospital room. He glances behind at the nurse’s station, where the same two nurses who were there earlier are sitting and staring, obviously very curious. 

“Still under,” Seokjin says. 

“Namjoon-ssi, it’s nice to see you again,” Geunyoung says with a smile, one Namjoon returns. “But I’m afraid I must go, I need to go get this paperwork filed before sunrise. Your twenty-four hours starts now, unfortunately, so good luck. And on behalf of the Korean Vampire Council, I thank you and your Coven for saving this poor soul.” Namjoon bows as she picks up her briefcase and stands. She bows, and then leaves, and then it’s just Namjoon, Seokjin, and Yoongi. 

Namjoon sighs. “He should be coming out of it soon,” he mutters. 

“If he was in a lot of distress earlier when he woke up, it will likely be the same now. We should give him something for the pain, just enough to tide him over until we get him home.” Seokjin frowns down at Yoongi. “He’s… It’s going to be a very hard night for him, but it’s the only option.”

“I think it’s going to be a very hard night for all of us,” Namjoon whispers. 

It takes another twenty minutes before Yoongi starts to stir. Seokjin leans over the bed, one hand on Yoongi’s cheek and the other petting his hair as he tries to keep him calm, despite how distressed he is. Namjoon gives him a very small dose of morphine, which helps to calm him down. “Yoongi-yah?” Seokjin says, still petting his hair. “Do you know where you are?”

“No,” Yoongi croaks, tears still leaking from his eyes, but the morphine has helped with the pain enough that it seems Yoongi is able to keep a handle on himself for the time being. “W-What happened? Where’s Tae?”

“You’re at Asan Medical Center. Tae’s at home, we’re going to take you to him. You were brought in earlier tonight drained nearly dry. Yoongi, do you know the vampire who fed from you?” Yoongi bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as his tears fall harder, and though he doesn’t answer, Namjoon doesn’t need him to. It’s clear enough that Yoongi does know that vampire, and that it’s likely one of the vampires Taehyung told them about, who would provide the blood for him. This vampire was probably angry that Yoongi disappeared when he went to live with Taehyung, and decided to punish him for it. That vampire didn’t know that Yoongi has Namjoon, though. He has Taehyung, and their entire Coven, and as absolutely terrible as it is that it happened this way, logically, this is the best possible scenario for them. 

Namjoon goes to close the curtains, protecting them from outside eyes, and then quickly removes Yoongi’s IV while Seokjin removes the sticky pads connected to the heart monitor. Yoongi lets them handle him, docile in his weakness and under the influence of the morphine. Between them, they get him out of the hospital gown and into the clothes he was wearing when they found him. Namjoon wrinkles his nose at the sight of how bloody they are, but they can get him clean clothes when they get home. He pulls out his phone and quickly texts Jimin to go to Taehyung’s apartment and get a change of clothes for Yoongi, and then he puts his phone in his pocket and goes to the door of the room. “Nurse Kim, could you bring a wheelchair, please?” he asks, and the nurse he spoke with earlier shoots up from her chair and goes to retrieve one. 

Once she brings it, Namjoon situates it beside the bed, and Seokjin helps Yoongi into it. As he pushes the wheelchair to the elevator, Seokjin following close beside, it occurs to Namjoon that it hasn’t quite dawned on Yoongi yet what’s happening, and for that… he’s grateful. He’s certain that, morphine or no, Yoongi would be much more upset, and fighting a whole lot more if he knew what was awaiting him when they return to Namjoon’s home. As such, Yoongi stays silent the whole journey through the hospital, and the whole time Namjoon waits with him while Seokjin gets the car and drives it around front. He helps Yoongi into the car, and then they drive home. 

Yoongi remembers only bits and pieces. He remembers watching Jiwoo leaving the motel room in slow motion after calling the police, and then there was nothing until he was waking up in excruciating pain inside a vehicle, which he now knows was an ambulance. He vaguely remembers waking up again and hearing a kind voice coming from a kind face, but above it all he remembers the agony he was in as his body screamed for the blood. By then it had to have been more than twenty-four hours since the last time Taehyung let him drink from his wrist. 

Now he sits in the back seat of the car, Seokjin and Namjoon up front as they drive him somewhere, presumably back to Taehyung’s apartment. They don’t know why he left Taehyung’s apartment yesterday. Yoongi tries to ready himself for the confrontation he’s sure to have with Taehyung, though his brain is foggy, his senses dampened, and he’s spent enough time high to know when he’s on some kind of drug. But, before their confrontation, Taehyung will give him the blood, right? Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut. God, he needs it so badly. He’s moved beyond desperate, but the medicine they surely drugged him with keeps the panic at bay for now. 

Yoongi keeps his eyes closed, feeling the car moving them through the city. The blackness he sees with his eyes closed flashes as they drive by streetlights, and lit up buildings. At once point he blearily blinks them half open, and just stares, but eventually they slide shut again. Eventually the car stops, and when it turns off, Yoongi realizes that they’ve arrived. He opens his eyes, but immediately recognizes that they’re not at Taehyung’s apartment. They’re in an underground lot. After a moment, while Seokjin and Namjoon climb out. Namjoon comes around and opens the door, and with his brow furrowed, Yoongi lets himself be helped out of the car. “Where are we?” he whispers. 

“We’re at mine and Seokjin’s apartment. Taehyung is upstairs. Come on, let’s go.” A small, quiet voice in Yoongi’s mind whispers that something is not right. He should try to get away. But that voice is so small, muffled by the fog still settled over Yoongi’s mind, and Namjoon’s arm around his waist is strong and firm as he helps him walk on weak, shaky legs. The fog is lifting, just a little, enough that he can feel his heart start to beat faster as his mind grows clearer and he can hear that voice growing louder. 

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Yoongi whispers when they’re enclosed in the elevator. He looks first at Seokjin, across from them, and then up at Namjoon whose arms are still holding him up. 

“Let’s get inside, and we’ll talk, okay Yoongi-yah?” Namjoon says softly. 

“He told you, didn’t he?” Yoongi breathes, squeezing his eyes shut. He can feel his muscles tensing, and the itch is growing stronger again, pain flaring to life throughout his body as the drug is surely beginning to wear off. “Please don’t be mad at him, it’s all my fault, and- and-”

“Shh, Yoongi-yah. It’s not your fault,” Seokjin says softly. The elevator finally stops at the top and they lead him out and down the short hallway to the front door. But the closer they get, the more Yoongi’s body seems to wake up, the fog lifting. The closer they get, the more he realizes that whatever is awaiting him inside is not good, and he needs to get away. He stops walking, starts to dig his heels in, shaking his head. He hears his own voice start to protest. 

“Yoongi-yah, come on,” Namjoon says, his voice still calm, still patient. But as he starts to pull him forward, Yoongi can’t resist, isn’t strong enough, and then Namjoon is dragging him up to the door before he knows it. Panic explodes in his gut. 

“Please, hyung, please. No!” Yoongi shouts, trying to get away, but Namjoon is centuries old, and very strong. Even at full strength, Yoongi would be powerless against him, and he’s certainly not at full strength now. As he fights against Namjoon’s hold, like a small child struggling against a full grown man, Seokjin opens the door and Namjoon pulls him inside. 

“Jin-ah, lock the door,” Namjoon says softly over his shoulder as he continues to lead Yoongi inside, and amps Yoongi’s panic up several notches. He starts to hyperventilate, and wrenches himself again from Namjoon’s grasp, but at the same moment Namjoon lets him go, and Yoongi stumbles away, tripping over the small lip separating the tile entryway from the hardwood of the rest of the apartment. He falls, landing hard on his hip and he cries out. 

Namjoon’s there, reaching out to help him but Yoongi recoils. “Don’t touch me!” he screams. Namjoon doesn’t, and as Yoongi stares up at him, breath heaving, he sees Namjoon look away, and up at something behind him. He holds up a hand and shakes his head. Yoongi pushes himself up and whips around. He’s confronted with the rest of their Coven standing a little ways off, in the living room. Taehyung’s standing in front, and when Yoongi’s eyes lock onto his he feels a surge of rage mixed with burning despair. He picks himself up slowly, holding onto the wall. He’s caught, with Namjoon and Seokjin between him and the door. His breath comes fast, shaking as badly as the rest of him is. He swallows hard, and turns back to Taehyung, who looks like it’s taking every ounce of self control he has not to close the distance between them. 

“How…” Yoongi gasps. “How could you do this to me?” 

Taehyung’s expression crumples slightly, his mouth pulling up into a grimace. “Yoongi-yah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen this way.”

“No, you were just going to attack me in my sleep one night, right? Was that your plan? Forge my signature on that fucking piece of paper I found in your goddamn sock drawer?” he shouts, the rage turning the world red around the edges. It leaves him breathless, though, and he reaches up to clutch at his chest, his heart pounding hard beneath his ribs. He gasps, doubling over against the wall. 

“Yoongi-yah, come sit, please,” Taehyung says softly, almost begging. 

“No!” Yoongi screams. 

“Okay, okay,” Taehyung says immediately, trying to soothe him, but it doesn’t penetrate the wall of emotion enshrouding Yoongi.

“I thought you cared about me!” Yoongi says, still shouting, but he’s weak, and his knees buckle. He falls to the floor once again, but this time no one tries to touch him. Taehyung sinks to his knees, and moves forward just a little. Yoongi’s breath is still coming in shaky gasps, and absently he realizes he’s crying again. But his whole body is on fire with need for the one thing that will alleviate his suffering. 

“Yoongi, I do care about you. I care about you so much.”

“Then why did you betray me?” Yoongi tries to scream, but it comes as a broken sob. He can’t get a deep enough breath, and his heart is pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to burst.

“I did what I did because I care about you.”

“You’re a liar!”  

“Yoongi-yah, please, listen to me. I care deeply for you, and I hate seeing you suffer. This is the only way to save you!” Taehyung walks on his knees a little closer, and Yoongi doesn’t have the energy to pull away. Taehyung doesn’t reach for him, though. 

“You should just let me die.” 

“I’m not going to do that!”

“Please, Taehyung…”

“No,” Taehyung says firmly. “Changing you is the only choice we have.”

“I want the blood,” Yoongi says, his sobs coming harder, wracking his whole body. His arms curl around himself, his knees coming up until he’s as small as he can be. “I want it so bad, hyung.”

“I know, baby… but that’ll go away as soon as I Change you.”

“I don’t want it to go away,” Yoongi cries, distraught. He sobs, like a small child, uncontrollably and unabashedly, mourning the one thing he so desperately wants. 

“I know, baby…” Taehyung moves closer, within touching distance, and this time he does reach for Yoongi, who doesn’t have the strength to resist when Taehyung pulls him into his arms. “You never deserved any of this. It should never have happened, and I’m so sorry, Yoongi-yah. This is the only way to make things right. I need to Change you. And after it’s all over, if you never want to see me again, that’s fine. Just let me save you, please. I don’t want you to die, baby. I want you here.” Yoongi cries as Taehyung slides his arm under his knees and picks him up. He walks them over to the couch, and Taehyung sits down with Yoongi in his lap and Yoongi clings to him, his despair eating him alive, swallowing him whole and sucking him into that black abyss. 

But then, through the fog of his despair and his anger, his fear and his pain, there grows the smallest spark of clarity that illuminates the darkness. I don’t want you to die. Yoongi has been alone for so long now. Even before he was first fed the blood, he was alone and lonely. For so long now, he felt like no one cared if he were there, or if he lived or died. No one cared if he were happy, or sad, or healthy - or if they did, they never made that clear to him. He was alone. Utterly and completely. Until he met Taehyung. Taehyung has been there for him in ways that no one else ever has. Taehyung cares if he’s happy or sad. Taehyung cares if he’s there, if he’s eating well and sleeping well. Taehyung wants him to be healthy, and laughing. Taehyung wants him to be there. 

I don’t want you to die. I want you here.

For the first time in a very, very long time, someone else wants Yoongi to be alive. Someone wants Yoongi to be here, wants it desperately enough to betray him and do the only thing Yoongi doesn’t want, but which will save him. 

Though every cell in his body rages and cries out for the blood, though that black hand is still wrapped around his heart and that evil voice in his head screaming at him to say no, to hold on to his addiction and deny Taehyung, to die out of spite and want for the blood that they will not give him, it’s because of that tiny spark of clarity, that Yoongi is able to realize that he wants to live. He wants to be here, so he can be with Taehyung. He wants to make Taehyung happy, and wants to be happy himself. He wants a second chance at life, wants it knowing that this time he won’t be alone. So long as he has Taehyung, he won’t be alone. 

“Please, baby,” Taehyung whispers, holding Yoongi tight against his chest, his forehead pressed against the top of Yoongi’s head. 

“Okay,” Yoongi whispers through his tears. “Please, hyung. Please save me.” The moment the words leave his lips, the black hand around his heart clenches tightly, and Yoongi gasps, his tears coming faster and harder, a heavy fog settling over his mind as his entire being rages against the permission he just gave Taehyung. He’s sobbing so hard now he chokes and starts coughing. He feels dizzy, his mind clouding again.

“Taehyung, you need to drain him until he’s almost empty, and then fill him back up with your blood,” Jimin says from somewhere close by. Through the delirium, Yoongi registers that he’s going to get the blood. He’s going to get the blood! He smiles, feeling his strength fading, but it doesn’t matter, because Taehyung’s going to give him the blood, and it will all be okay. 

Taehyung caresses his cheek, and presses a kiss to his forehead. “It’s going to be okay, baby.” Taehyung pulls the neck of his sweatshirt aside, and kisses his neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and then he bites Yoongi’s neck. Through the fog he can feel the pain of it, and confusion rises in him. Taehyung is biting him. Why is Taehyung biting him? He promised he would never hurt Yoongi. He’s so weak he can barely move, but he tries to struggle against his hold, crying and trying to shout, but only able to manage a whisper. Then there are other hands on him, holding him as Taehyung continues to drink from his neck. He stops struggling as his strength leaves him entirely. His eyes flutter and then shut of their own volition, and only when he feels like he’s about to lose the thread of his consciousness that he’s barely hanging onto, does Taehyung stop. 

Then, there’s something wet dripping onto Yoongi’s lips. It seeps through them, into his mouth, and his body recognizes the delicious taste. The want for the blood is the only thing strong enough to pull Yoongi from the haze, to pull him away from the brink of death, and he opens his mouth, sucking weakly at the wound on Taehyung’s wrist. His whole body, his very soul sings as he takes in the precious blood. The more he drinks, the more his strength returns, and he’s able to reach up, to grab onto Taehyung’s wrist, holding it in place. His body is flooded with pleasure as he’s rocketed into space, the blood carrying him higher and higher into ecstacy. He drinks and drinks and drinks, until he’s so high he cannot remember where he is, cannot remember who he is. He only knows the blood and the euphoria. 

He doesn’t feel when Taehyung pulls his arm away, he can only lie limp in his arms, floating away on the best high he’s ever had. He feels so good, he forgets he’s ever felt bad. It’s like every high and every orgasm he’s ever had combined, and he never wants it to end. 

Then, in the pit of Yoongi’s stomach, it feels like a match has been lit, just a small flame that begins to burn a hole through him. He groans softly, shifting slightly in Taehyung’s lap. The flame starts to grow bigger, catching the space around it. Yoongi cries out, and suddenly he can feel Taehyung’s arms around him once again, can feel them holding him as that flame begins to spread through his whole body. He’s on fire, burning up from the inside, and it hurts, oh my god it hurts! Yoongi screams, curling in on himself. His face presses into Taehyung’s stomach, and he screams again. He screams and screams and screams as his body burns, as he begins to Change. 

Chapter Text

When you think all is forsaken, listen to me now
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Yoongi doesn’t know how long it takes for the fire to burn itself out, but eventually it does. And then, there is nothing. No pain, no burning, nothing. He lies in peace, something he thought he would never feel again, for some time. He can hear sounds around him, breathing, people moving. He can feel hands in his hair, and he registers his face pressed against something both soft and hard. He lies perfectly still, and he finds that he cannot feel his heartbeat. He has no need to breathe. Cautiously, he moves his tongue forward until it touches the tips of his front teeth, and then he slides it to the right until it reaches a sharp canine, much longer than it used to be. His fangs. Yoongi is a vampire. 

He stirs, feeling numb. The arm around him lets go, and he’s able to push himself up so he’s sitting. Only then does Yoongi open his eyes and he starts as he looks around. The room around him is much clearer than it ever was before. Yoongi had good vision, as a human, but now everything has been fine tuned into perfect focus, and he can see everything. He looks around, taking in the others. They stare at him with cautious expressions, and he stares right back, devoid of anything. 

Finally, he turns to regard Taehyung. He was beautiful before, the most beautiful being Yoongi ever laid eyes on, but now, he’s beyond breathtaking. Without consciously choosing to, Yoongi reaches out and touches Taehyung’s cheek. He recoils, though. Taehyung’s cheek is warm. Taehyung’s skin always felt cold to him before. It dawns on him, Taehyung’s not warm. Now Yoongi is as cold as he is. They’re the same temperature. They’re the same, now. 

In Taehyung’s eyes, hope swims. “How do you feel, Yoongi-yah?” Taehyung whispers. 

“Empty,” Yoongi says, his voice hollow. He sees one of them get up, and he turns to watch Hoseok make his way toward the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and pulls out a clear plastic, reusable water bottle emblazoned with the logo JUNG BLOOD BANK on the side. But inside, rather than clear water, it’s filled with dark red, almost black liquid. At the same moment Yoongi realizes it’s filled with blood, he’s consumed with a hunger so sharp he gasps, reaching for his stomach, even though the feeling isn’t localized there, but spreads through his whole being. 

“Here, Yoongi-yah, you must be thirsty.” Hoseok hands him the bottle, and Yoongi nearly drops it as he unscrews the cap and starts to guzzle it. He drinks the whole thing without stopping, and when he’s finished he slowly lowers the bottle and puts the cap back on. His hunger is still there, though it’s not as all-encompassing as it was. 

“I’m still thirsty,” he says, his voice still hollow. 

“Unfortunately, it’ll be a while before you feel completely satisfied. Newborns are insatiable for at least a month after they’re Changed.” Hoseok gently takes the bottle from his hand, and Yoongi lets him, processing the information. 

“What happens now?” he asks a moment later. He’s staring down at the floor. He wonders why he feels so… numb. Perhaps he’s still in shock. Or… perhaps this is what it feels like to feel normal, and Yoongi’s spent so long feelings everything at an eleven or twelve, he’s forgotten what it’s like to just… feel normally.  

“Now we alert the Vampire Council that you have been Changed. It’s almost sunrise, so after it sets again we go to the bank and register you there.” Namjoon’s voice is calm as he explains their next steps to Yoongi. “We’ll all sleep here today, but then you can go with Taehyung back home.”

“No.” Yoongi closes his eyes, and now he feels something. Shame. He feels deeply ashamed, of everything. He remembers, vividly, that Taehyung is the reason he chose to say yes, chose to hold on and allow himself to be Changed so that he could be saved. But… right now he needs space. He needs a chance to process everything, time to come to terms with the shame coursing through him, and the reasons for that shame, and he needs to do that away from Taehyung. “I’m sorry,” he breathes. 

“It’s okay, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung says, just as softly. “I understand.”

“It’s not- not forever. I just need… I need space.” His arms are resting on the couch on either side of him, and Taehyung reaches over to grip the hand closest to him. 

“It’s okay,” he stresses. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here. All we have is time.” Yoongi finally looks up, and turns to take in Taehyung’s soft, hopeful expression. He nods. 

“You can stay with me,” Hoseok says. “I live near the bank, and since you’ll need to feed every day for a while, that’ll make it easier. Is that okay with you, Yoongi-yah?” Yoongi turns to Hoseok and nods gratefully.

“Thank you, hyung.” Yoongi looks at Taehyung for a long time, until the tenderness in his gaze forces Yoongi to look away, lest he give in to his desire to say fuck it and let himself continue pretending everything’s okay, the way he’d been doing the three months since he met Taehyung. No. You need time to actually process this all, and if you stay with him, you’ll bury yourself in him the way you have been. 

Yoongi stands, and the first thing he notices is that he feels strong for the first time in a long time. He doesn’t shake, and despite the mild thirst, he feels… calm. Peaceful. His knees don’t hurt, or his back. He’s not desperately craving the blood. Rather than his body screaming for his drug, he just feels… he feels hungry. It’s not overpowering, doesn’t make him feel desperate enough to go out and do something stupid. It feels normal, for lack of a better word. Like how he felt before he tasted the blood for the first time, and he would sit at his desk for too long without taking a break, only to find that a few hours have passed since his last sip of water. Strong, but not unbearable.  

He goes to the window and stares outside. They’re high, high in the sky, but Yoongi can see clearly all the way to the ground. He can see the features of the people walking around below, can see details a human could never see from this far away. He looks up, and imagines what the stars in the night sky would look like. Perhaps Taehyung will take him to see the stars again soon. 

Behind him, the others start talking, clearly trying to insert some normalcy back into a night that was anything but normal for any of them, but for Yoongi most of all. Everything is different now, and the enormity of it hasn’t quite hit him yet. He wonders when it will. If it will. He still feels numb, though there’s embarrassment as well. Yoongi is embarrassed. Incredibly so. Except for Taehyung, he doesn’t know these people. He met them once before tonight, and spent a couple hours with them, but he doesn’t know them. And they saw him at his weakest, most vulnerable moments, screaming and crying because he didn’t want to give up his drug, the drug he had no choice in taking for the first time. It’s… humiliating. But, they aren’t judging him. At least, not that he can sense. But then, if they’re anything like Taehyung, they wouldn’t judge him. They understand that it wasn’t Yoongi’s fault, even if he doesn’t always see that, himself. Even still. It’s embarrassing, to have so completely lost it in front of a group of people he doesn’t know. For a moment, as he stares out the window, he expects to feel his cheeks heating up, but of course they don’t. He’ll never blush again. He’ll never cry again, he realizes with a tiny spark of surprise. He can’t say he’s upset about that. He’s cried enough in the last year and a half for an entire lifetime. He thinks about the other things he’ll never do. He’ll never eat food again. Never stand outside in the sun, though thanks to technology and UV film, he’ll still be able to feel it against his skin. He’ll never need to sleep again, unless he wants to. Tonight, though, he wants to. 

He stands by the window as the others talk behind him until the sun begins to rise, and Seokjin walks over and closes the curtains. Wordlessly, he leads Yoongi back through the apartment, the others following, and tells him that he can sleep in the room at the end of the hall. Jeongguk and Hoseok follow him in, while the others retire to different rooms. Yoongi glances at Taehyung before he makes his way into the bedroom, and they hold each other’s gaze for a long moment. He want to go to him, to hold him close, but… he stops himself. He’s not upset with Taehyung because of what he did, not anymore. But…

In the end, Taehyung makes the choice for both of them, smiling warmly, and disappearing into the other bedroom with Jimin. Yoongi turns and goes into the room where Hoseok and Jeongguk are getting ready to sleep. 

There’s a bag on the king sized bed. “We went and got some of your clothes from Taehyung’s,” Jeongguk explains. “Before they brought you over.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says softly. “Thank you.” He looks down at his sweatshirt and realizes that he’s still covered in dried blood from when Jiwoo bit him, and left him bleeding all over himself. “Why does this blood not make me thirsty?” he asks. 

“It’s your own blood,” Hoseok explains. “That’s why.”

“Oh,” he says again. He pulls the fresh clothes from the bag, a faint pang of sadness going through him when he sees that the green sweatshirt Taehyung gave him on that first night at his apartment is among them. He puts the clothes back in the bag and picks it up, turning around. “Can I take a shower?”

“Of course!” Hoseok says, laughing softly. “I’ll show you.” Hoseok leads him out into the apartment, and back up the hall a bit before opening the last door on the right. “Here you go. There’s fresh towels under the sink. Oh, be careful if you get any water in your mouth not to swallow it. A little bit won’t affect you, but if you swallow even a mouthful it won’t be pleasant.”

“Thanks.” Yoongi shuts and locks the door behind him. He puts the bag down on the counter and looks at himself in the mirror. He studies his face, trying to see any difference. There isn’t any difference. The man staring back at him is… it’s Yoongi. But… He leans in closer, and realizes that the man staring back at him looks more like the Old Yoongi. The Yoongi who wasn’t addicted to vampire blood, the Yoongi who was free, and able to live his life however he wanted. With a start, Yoongi thinks that he is that Yoongi again, to an extent. He’s a vampire now. He can’t eat or drink anything other than human blood, and he can’t go into the sun. He doesn’t need to breathe, or sleep. He can’t cry. But… he is free. He can do whatever he wants, and the moment that realization settles over him, Yoongi feels ten times lighter than he has in over a year. 

It’s only then that Yoongi realizes that his scars are gone. He rips his bloody sweatshirt off, along with the t-shirt beneath it, and leans forward, studying his skin in the mirror. They’re gone. All of the scars from all the times he was bitten are gone. Yoongi looks down at his arms, and finds them pale and smooth, unblemished. He pulls his pants and boxers off, and finds his thighs, too, are pale and smooth. Unblemished. It’s almost as if the last year never happened. Physically, there are no signs of Yoongi’s journey to the very depths of his despair, despite the fact that he is still pretty damn skinny, but inside… He knows it’s going to take a long time until he’s able to move on from those memories. 

He takes a shower, careful not to get any water in his mouth, and when he finishes he feels a sudden urge to go. He sits on the toilet for a long time, emptying his body of every last bit of human waste he still has inside. There’s no toilet paper, so he just gets back in the shower. 

Fifteen minutes later, he’s dressed and dry, and he goes back into the bedroom he’ll share with Hoseok and Jeongguk that night. They’re both lounging under the blankets on the bed on their phones, the lights still on. Yoongi drops the bag beside the door, and shuts it behind him. “I think I just took my last shit,” he mumbles. Jeonguk and Hoseok stare at him for a moment, before they both burst into laughter. Despite everything, Yoongi finds himself cracking a small smile as well. 

“Oh fuck,” Hoseok says, trying to get himself under control. “Sorry. We forgot to warn you that would happen.”

“It’s fine.” They’re lying on the outside edge and the middle of the bed, so Yoongi crawls into the space between Jeongguk and the wall. He gets under the blanket and settles on his stomach. He doesn’t feel tired, though he knows that the moment the lights are turned off, he’ll pass out, and that is almost comforting. Yoongi’s dealt on and off with difficulty sleeping all his life. He’s glad he’ll never have to worry about that again. 

“Yoongi-yah,” Jeongguk says softly. Yoongi hums. “Do you know the vampire who attacked you, yesterday?” 

“Yes.” He says it softly, but without hesitation. 

“You can turn them in, you know.”

Yoongi thinks about it. Does he want to turn in Jiwoo? If he turned in Jiwoo, wouldn’t he also have to turn in Dohyun? Or Yerim? He’s not sure. They all were guilty of giving him the blood… but Dohyun and Yerim didn’t leave him to die in a shitty motel room. “Would I have to, like… testify? Against him, or something?”

“Yes. In front of the Council. Unless there’s a crime involving a human, the Council handles any disputes between vampires. And now that you’re a vampire, they would handle that.”

“I’ll think about it… Can we turn off the lights? I want to go to sleep. I want today to be over.” He hugs himself, curling into a ball on his side. 

“Okay, Yoongi-yah.” Hoseok gets out of the bed, and then the light is off, and Yoongi fades into the black of sleep. 

He wakes what feels like only a second later. There’s no haziness as he wakes, no momentary confusion, no needing to search his memory to remember what he did the night before. One moment Yoongi’s asleep, and the next he’s awake, his new preternatural senses alerting him that the sun has set, and it’s time for him to get up. He doesn’t move right away. He has no reason to, at least, none that he can think of. Beside him Jeongguk and Hoseok stir, having woken at the same moment Yoongi did, which he’ll later learn is always the exact moment the sun sinks below the horizon. The feeling of thirst begins to grow the longer he lies there, but his desire to remain right where he is, lying comfortably in bed supercedes that desire, and he can ignore it for now. He’s sure he won’t be able to ignore it for long, but he’ll be damned if he won’t try. 

“Hey,” Jeongguk says softly to the room as he sits up. Hoseok replies in kind, and though it’s dark, Yoongi can see them both clearly. They look at him, waiting for his own greeting. He turns his face so it’s mashed in his pillow. After a moment of waiting for the need to breathe to compel him to move again, he remembers that it won’t come. He can stay there, smothering himself on his pillow as long as he wants. Jeongguk and Hoseok both get up silently and leave the room. Yoongi doesn’t hear the click of the door shutting behind them, and a moment later he can hear the others’ voices outside. 

“Where Yoongi?” he hears Taehyung ask softly. 

“He’s still in bed. Give him space, Tae,” Hoseok says, his voice equally soft, while also containing a measure of warning. 

“I know, I know… I will.”

“Taehyung-ah, it might be best if you went home,” Jimin says. “I’ll come with you.”

“I will too,” Jeongguk says. “It’s been decades since we spent time just us three.”

Yoongi listens, waiting for Taehyung’s reply. He pictures the look on Taehyung’s face as he considers leaving Yoongi behind with Hoseok, Namjoon, and Seokjin. A very small part of him hopes Taehyung won’t leave him here with these strange vampires he’s only briefly spent time with before. But a much larger part of him hopes that he does go. Yoongi needs… time. Time to come to terms with what’s happened to him. Time to learn how to be himself again, and how to be this new Yoongi. He’s had so many different masks over the years, even before everything happened. This is just another mask he needs to learn how to wear. 

No… he thinks. This isn’t a mask. This isn’t a new persona I can put on and take off. This is me now. I’m a vampire, and that’s how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. However… long that may be.

“You’re right,” Taehyung finally says, his voice so quiet that even Yoongi’s new ears almost miss it. “Hyung?”

“I’ll keep you in the loop, I promise. And I’ll call you if we need you, okay?” Namjoon says, soothing him. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him.”

There’s a knock at the door. Yoongi doesn’t move, but he can almost feel the change in atmosphere when another person enters the room. “Yoongi-yah?” It’s Taehyung. Yoongi turns his face, looking across the room to where Taehyung is lingering in the doorway. 

“Hi hyung,” Yoongi whispers. 

Taehyung fully enters the room. He turns on the light, and Yoongi flinches - a leftover human response, because the sudden brightness doesn’t hurt his eyes. He shuts the door behind him, and steps over. He hesitates, however. “You can sit,” Yoongi says softly. Taehyung does, with a small sigh. 

“I’m going home.”

“I heard.” Despite the somber mood settled over them, Taehyung’s lips quirk up in a tiny smile. 

“Of course. Um… let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m going to pack up some of your clothes and take them to Hoseok-hyung’s. If you need anything else… you can send Hoseok, or come get it… or call me, whatever’s easiest.”

“Okay, hyung.”

“I’m… so sorry, Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung breathes, shutting his eyes and furrowing his brow. 

“I’m not mad at you,” Yoongi says, almost surprised to find that it’s actually true. He’s not angry. He’s not even really upset. No, he’s just… embarrassed. And trying to process the events of the last couple days. The events of the last year and a half. “I just…”

“It’s okay, b- Yoongi-yah. I understand.”

Yoongi’s eyes fall shut when Taehyung stops himself from calling him baby. “Do you?” he whispers. 

“I do.” Taehyung reaches out and places his hand in the middle of the bed. It’s too big, and Yoongi’s too close to the far edge for him to reach. But… Yoongi stretches out his hand and touches his fingers against Taehyung’s, again marveling over how warm they feel. “You went through the biggest change you possibly could last night… I chose to go through that change, and it still took me a long time to adjust. And you… I can’t even begin to imagine how… traumatic yesterday must have been for you. So, yes, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I understand. Please, take all the time you need. Like I said… I’ve got nothing but time.”

“Okay…” Yoongi strokes his fingers over Taehyung for a moment, before he pulls his hand back, and clenches his fingers in the blanket. 

“Okay,” Taehyung echoes. He hesitates for another long moment, and Yoongi watches as he struggles with what to say. In the end, he chooses not to say anything. Instead, he smiles before he stands, and leaves the room. A moment later, Yoongi hears the front door beep as it’s unlocked, and opened. It shuts softly again a moment later, and then the apartment is silent. He knows that there are three others still there, but they’re either not talking, or they’re talking so softly that Yoongi cannot hear them. 

He turns his face again, pressing it into the pillow. He realizes that this is the first time he’s woken up without the burning craving for the blood in months. The first time in a year and a half that he hasn’t felt something directly related to the blood - be it the desire for it, or the lingering high from it. When he thinks about the blood now… he is apathetic. And that thought is overwhelming. Yoongi’s eyes are already closed, but he squeezes them as tightly shut as he can. What does he do now that he doesn’t have the blood to obsess over? What does he do now that he doesn’t have to live his life around the pursuit of it?

He wants blood, but it’s no different than waking up in want of breakfast. But there’s no itch under his skin compelling him to move, so… he doesn’t. Yoongi lies there for a long time. He thinks about yesterday, now that he can look over the memories objectively. He thinks about the other night, when he found that application in Taehyung’s drawer. He understands, now that he’s on the other side, why Taehyung did what he did. Yoongi wasn’t a person anymore, at the end. For a year and almost five months, Yoongi hasn’t been a person. Parasite, he thinks, for he still firmly believes that’s all he was. A parasite is an organism that feeds on others in order to survive, and that’s exactly what Yoongi was. He was a human, yes, but he needed to feed on the blood of vampires in order to survive. Am I not still a parasite, then? Is there no escaping it? 

For the first time in a long time, Yoongi yearns to be able to turn back the clock. He desperately wishes he could go back, and stop himself from offering Beomsu his blood, because perhaps that would have saved him. Before today, he couldn’t wish for that, because he had the blood in his mind, telling him he was exactly where he belonged, but now? Yoongi doesn’t know how to go on. Not with everything that’s happened. 

There’s a knock at the door, but no one enters. A moment later, there’s another knock, and he realizes that whoever it is is waiting for him to give them permission to enter. Yoongi softens, slightly, at the courtesy. “Come in,” he says, certain they’ll hear him. The door creaks softly, and Yoongi opens his eyes and sees Namjoon step inside. 

“Hi, Yoongi. Can I talk to you?” Yoongi nods, and Namjoon makes his way to the bed. He sits down, and turns toward Yoongi, crossing his legs in front of him, resting his hands on his lap. “Are you thirsty?” Yoongi nods. He is, and it’s getting just a little bit harder to ignore, though still nowhere near the itch of the blood craving. “Okay,” Namjoon says, nodding. “We’ve still got the blood here that Hoseok brought with him for you, but in a little while, when you’re ready, we’ll go to the bank and register you.”

“Can you explain how the blood bank works?” Yoongi asks softly. He hates being unprepared. He’s vaguely surprised with himself. That’s something that the old Yoongi hated. Yoongi the addict didn’t care - he’d jump into any new situation, because nothing that happened could be worse than what his life usually threw at him. But the old Yoongi dealt with a lot of anxiety surrounding new experiences. Yoongi the vampire doesn’t feel anxious, not really, but he does still want to be fully informed. It’s… vaguely comforting. Finding something that’s not different about himself. Something that is, in fact, more him than he’s been able to find in a long time. 

“Of course! So, once we get you registered - which is just getting your information into the database - they’ll let you know how much blood you’re allowed to purchase a month. Since you’re a newborn, you’ll be allotted enough to let you have about a pint a day, which is all you really need. Like Hoseok said yesterday, you’ll still feel thirsty after you feed for about a month or so, but you won’t suffer. They’ll also make you an ID card, and that’s all you’ll need to show whenever you go. They’ll keep track of how much you’ve had each month in the system.”

“How much is it?” Yoongi asks softly. Namjoon tilts his head to the side slightly, his brows furrowing sightly. “I don’t really… I’m basically broke.”

“Oh! Oh, no, don’t worry about that.”

“W- I-” Yoongi shoves himself up, and angrily shoves his hair out of his face. “I don’t want to keep being a fucking parasite, leeching off of other people! Just tell me how much it is, and I’ll work on getting a job.”

“Yoongi-yah,” Namjoon says firmly. “You’re not a leech. You’re family. You’re a member of our Coven now. Unless you don’t want to be, which is also your right. But we have a joint account, that we all have access to. And yes, we all contribute to it these days, so of course you can go get a job if you want, but you don’t have to.” Namjoon takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly through his nose. “When a human with a vampire blood addiction is discovered, there are two options, as I know you’re well aware. Either they’re taken in by a Coven, or they’re left to die in the hospital. I heard that someone was brought in after being attacked by a vampire, and I went to check on that person. I didn’t know it was you. But… Taehyung told us last week about your addiction. So we already had a plan in place for how we were going to help you, even though we knew it was not going to be fun for any of us, and especially not for you. When I saw you there in the hospital, there wasn’t a question in my mind that I would Change you, and I won’t apologize for that. Yesterday… you told Tae he should have let you die. Thinking rationally, as I know you can now, is that really what you wanted?”

Yoongi stares at Namjoon. He wants to be mad. He wants to blame Namjoon for everything, to rage and scream. But he can’t. Because that isn’t what Yoongi wanted. He wanted an end to his suffering, not to die. At the time, dying felt like the only real end, but… physically, Yoongi is no longer suffering. Becoming a vampire did save him, in that respect. “I wish none of this ever happened,” Yoongi whispers. “I wish I’d never met Beomsu, never gotten addicted. Because… how am I supposed to just move on? How am I supposed to forget everything that’s happened to me? Everything I’ve done?”

“No one expects you to forget. And realistically, you won’t. Our memories are, fortunately or unfortunately, excellent. You just… have to accept it. And you can take as long as you need to do that. And if you choose to stay a part of my Coven, we will all be here for you through it.”

Yoongi thinks, then, about the fact that he’s allowed to leave the Coven, if he wants. He’s not a prisoner. He’s absolutely free, for the first time in a long time unbeholden to any other person. But… he doesn’t really want that. He’s been alone for so long, he doesn’t want to leave these people who seem to care about him simply because they care about Taehyung, and Taehyung cares about him. “Isn’t… isn’t it a burden? Taking me in?”

“No,” Namjoon says immediately. “Not at all.” He smiles, and for the first time, Yoongi notices his dimples. He knows he saw them before, the first time he met Namjoon before yesterday, but he didn’t really notice them. They make him look safe, and kind. They make him look like any normal man, and not the nearly eight hundred year old vampire that he is. “I, for one, am very much looking forward to getting to know you better, Yoongi. Taehyung had you all to himself for a while, now it’s our turn to get to know you. Jeongguk has been nearly foaming at the mouth over your music, ever since Taehyung showed it to us.” Yoongi’s eyes widen slightly, his mouth popping open in surprise. 

Oh yeah… he thinks. That’s something I could do now… Yoongi nods. “How do I move on?” he asks then, looking down at his lap. 

“Well… that’s different for everyone. For me, that looked like finding something like a purpose again. I was a healer in my village, and so after I became a vampire, I decided to dedicate my life to the pursuit of more knowledge of how to heal people. Like you,” he says gently, “I was not given a choice. Though, I didn’t have anything threatening my life. I was Changed by a vampire who took a liking to me, and decided that he wanted me to be his companion. Then, a hundred years later, after he felt he taught me everything he thought I needed to know about being a vampire, he went into the sun. And then not too many years after that is when I met Seokjin, and after a few years, he asked me to Change him. After that it got easier. Humans are such social creatures, so it follows that vampires are as well. We’re not built to be alone, so having others around who like us, and whom we like can really help. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that you can lean on us, Yoongi. We’re here for you. We want you here, and not just because Taehyung wants you here. We trust his judgement, and if he likes you then we know you’re worth knowing. Lean on us while you search for your purpose, which can be anything, even if your purpose is simply the people in your life.” Namjoon takes a deep breath, leaning to the side, his hand braced on the bed. “I see humans saying a lot that one should live only for oneself. But… I think for vampires that is different. Humans only have a short time on this earth. We have an eternity, and without the people we love, eternity is unbearable. So, I think it’s okay to live for others. Maybe not forever… but for a while. Even if a while is a hundred years, I think that’s okay.”

Yoongi ponders this. He has no idea what kind of purpose he might be able to find, but he does know that the thing that broke through to him yesterday was Taehyung. Taehyung is the reason he said yes, Taehyung and his desire to continue having Yoongi in his life. When Yoongi was utterly incapable of living for himself, he was able to choose to live for Taehyung. And maybe Namjoon is right… maybe over time, he’ll be able to find other reasons to live. 

He’s not sure what compels him, but he opens his mouth to speak. “Yesterday… when Taehyung was holding me, just before he bit me. I had… a moment of clarity. I’ve been alone for so long now. So many times since everything changed, I wanted so badly to have someone. To have a friend, anyone who could be there for me, who could care about me and whether I lived or died. I had no one. Not a single person I could count on. And then Taehyung came along. And for some, unfathomable reason, he decided that I was worth knowing. And after he found out about my addiction, he didn’t abandon me, and even now, I can’t quite figure out why. But he was there, and he stayed there through it all. And then yesterday… I can see now that he did it because he cared. I couldn’t see it before, I wasn’t able to, but now. It’s clear as day,” he whispers. “So… I think, maybe… I can live for him, if for nothing else. Just for now. But I just need time. I need to figure out who I am now. After I got addicted, I had to do so many things I never would have done before. I acted in ways I never would have before, and it went on for so long that I stopped being able to tell what was the addiction and what was me. I spent so long on fire, praying for rain… that now, after it rained, and after it put out the fire raging inside of me, I need to take stock of what’s left. What changed, and what stayed the same.”

“Of course,” Namjoon says. “We understand. Taehyung understands. Take as much time as you need. You’re not human anymore, so you have as much time as you want.”

Jung Blood Bank is in Songpa-gu, near Olympic Park, not too far away from where the rest of the Coven lives in Gangnam. Yoongi sits in the passenger seat of Hoseok’s car, watching the city pass by in fascination. The nighttime city looks as clear as day to him, and despite everything weighing on Yoongi’s mind, it’s a tiny spark of light inside of him. He can see everything, and now he’s free to take it all in at his own pace. He doesn’t have to rush around from place to place, not because he needs the blood, and not because he’s a human with a relatively short lifespan. Yoongi can move slowly. That’s something that the old Yoongi liked as well. He liked to take his time. He liked to stop and smell the roses. He liked to stop, and let himself just be in the moment, or in the space he’s in. And that’s something he can do now. 

Yoongi spies Lotte Tower as they drive by it, and he wonders what the city would look like from the top, with his new eyes. He can go see whenever he wants. He can do anything. That thought is still overwhelming… but Yoongi’s starting to feel like he’ll be able to get used to it at some point. He’s only been a vampire for a short time, but considering what he left behind? It’s infinitely better already. 

Hoseok parks on the street outside the blood bank, and Yoongi remembers that he has been here before, once. But this time he gets out of the car with Hoseok, and goes inside. The interior is very nicely done, and fleetingly Yoongi wonders if Taehyung decorated the inside. He decides to ask, and Hoseok laughs. “Yeah, he did, actually. Back when I opened, it was very chic, but I didn’t redecorate for a long time,” he says, wincing and then smiling. “By the time Taehyung decided to try out interior decorating it was hopelessly outdated, and Taehyung did it for me for free, for something to add to his portfolio. He also did all of our apartments, whether we wanted him to or not.” Hoseok laughs again, and it’s infectious. Yoongi can’t help but laugh softly with him. He watches Hoseok’s face as he laughs, and he starts to think that Hoseok is someone he will like being around very much. He… radiates positivity, something which Yoongi sorely needs right now. 

He leads Yoongi to the front desk, where a young-looking woman sits behind a computer. “Hi, Hoseokie-oppa,” she says smiling wide enough to show her fangs. “I thought you took some time off?” 

“I did, I’m not here to work. Minye, this is Yoongi, the newest member of my Coven. We’re here to get him registered.” Yoongi inclines his head, murmuring a greeting, and Minye responds in kind, though her hello is markedly more enthusiastic than Yoongi’s. 

“It’s great to meet you! It’s so rare that we meet new vampires these days!” she chirps, clearly excited about it. “Usually it’s the same old, same old,” she says through the corner of her mouth, teasingly pointing at Hoseok, who squawks in protest. They laugh together, and once again, Yoongi finds himself laughing along with them. Minye reaches to the side, still smiling, and picks up a clipboard. She spins around in her desk chair and reaches over to open a filing cabinet, where she pulls out a form. 

“Old school,” Yoongi says, and Hoseok barks a laugh. 

“Yeah, we’ve still got filing cabinets. You’ll find, Yoongi-yah, that vampires are relatively slow to change, at least compared to humans.”

“Go ahead and fill this out, and then I’ll get you all entered into the system. There’s a mirror over there, if you want to gussy up before your ID picture.”

“Gussy up?” Yoongi whispers, as he takes the clipboard and chuckles, walking over to the small waiting area. Hoseok follows a minute later, and sits down beside him. Yoongi stares at the form, reading the title. JUNG BLOOD BANK NEW CUSTOMER APPLICATION. The first few boxes are for the normal things, like his name, phone number, and address. When he gets to the last one, Hoseok rattles off his own address for Yoongi to write. Then the question is age, and Yoongi writes down 28. Nothing too out of the ordinary. But then it says How long have you been a vampire? Yoongi snorts as he writes down twenty-four hours. 

The next question asks for his preferred blood type, and Yoongi looks up at Hoseok. “I don’t know my preferred blood type.”

“That’s okay, you’ll figure it out eventually. Some vampires think they all taste the same, some think some are better than others. It just depends.”

Yoongi remembers all the way back during his first date with Taehyung, what feels now like a hundred years ago. Taehyung ordered O neg, and Yoongi teased him because that was his blood type. Taehyung said it was his favorite. So, looking down at the form, Yoongi writes O neg, and moves on. At the bottom he signs the form, and then stands and takes it back to Minye. Another vampire came in while he was filling out his form, and Hoseok greets him like he knows him. Yoongi thinks, then, that Hoseok probably knows most of the vampires in Seoul, considering how popular this blood bank apparently is, and how many vampires must use it to get their blood. For the first time, Yoongi realizes that the vampire community of Seoul must really be that, a community. One he’s now a part of. 

Minye takes his form after the other vampire leaves, a small plastic bag in hand containing a bottle filled with blood. Hoseok explains that they sell reusable containers that vampires are encouraged to bring with them. “Creates less waste,” Hoseok says. “Minye, get him one?” 

“Sure thing, boss! But first, your photo shoot!” Minye gestures for Yoongi to stand against the bright, white wall to the side of the desk. Yoongi doesn’t smile at first, but at both Hoseok and Minye’s encouraging, he puts on a small, close-lipped smile, and they’re both satisfied. “Okay, I’ll get this all input, and get your ID printed and you’ll be all set. Since you’re brand new, you can get yourself a pint a night. Just bring in your bottle, and we’ll fill it up for you, and you can decide if you want to drink it all at once or drink it slowly over the course of the night. That’s entirely up to you, of course. It’s ten thousand won per pint, which I know, it’s a little pricy at first, but after a few months, you won’t need as much, and eventually you’ll only need about two pints a month. But even still, every vampire is entitled to one pint a week. Just bring your ID and we’ll get your bottle filled. If you lose your bottle, or forget it one time, you can always purchase another one.” Minye says all of this while she rapidly types away on the computer. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi asks. “Where does the money the bank earns go?”

“Well, it goes to paying the employees in part, and the city takes a cut, of course. But a lot of it goes toward the Red Cross, both for the blood they provide us, but also to help fund their humanitarian efforts. Some of it also goes toward charitable organizations whose missions are to educate humans about vampires, and foster friendship and understanding between our races.” 

“Alright, all done! While this prints, I’ll go get your pint.” The whirring of the ID printer sounds loud in the quiet room, and Minye stands and goes through the door behind the desk.

“That’s where we keep the blood,” Hoseok says, his eyes wide, and then he laughs. Minye returns only a moment later, peeking her head out of the door. 

“What color bottle do you want? We have red, black, blue, and green.”

“Um,” Yoongi says. “Black, I guess.” Minye nods and disappears again, only to return again after a minute, a black bottle in hand. She places it gently on the counter, and then picks up the newly printed ID off the printer. She scans it, and then smiles up at him. 

“That’ll be fifteen thousand won.” Hoseok hands her his card, and less than a minute later, he and Hoseok are walking back to his car. 

“That felt… oddly normal,” Yoongi mumbles as he climbs back into the passenger’s seat, cradling the bottle against his chest. Hoseok laughs. 

“You get used to it, I promise. It took all of us a long time to get used to it when we first established the vampire blood banks. You’re lucky, you came into it all after it’s been the norm for a long time.”

The drive to Hoseok’s apartment doesn’t take long, and before he knows it, Yoongi’s walking into a nice, three bedroom apartment on one of the top floors - though not the top floor - of Hoseok’s building. “Make yourself at home!” Hoseok says, taking off his sweater and hanging it next to the door. They take their shoes off, and Yoongi walks into the living room area, still clutching the bottle to his chest. He’s really thirsty now, but a small part of him is almost afraid to drink it. Sure, he drank the bottle of blood just after being Changed, but he had no choice then. And really, he doesn’t have a choice now, but… it feels more official, in a way. Now, not only is Yoongi a vampire, but he’s registered at the blood bank. He even has his very own ID card. If it didn’t feel real before… it certainly does now. 

He goes to the window and looks out. They’re not nearly as high up as he would be at the top of Lotte Tower, but he does get a nice view of Olympic Park, and the city beyond and bordering it. “You have an amazing view,” he says. 

“Thanks! I was really glad when I found this place a while ago. I moved here about ten years ago, I think? Right after they built it.”

“Where do the others live?” Yoongi asks, still looking outside. Hoseok walks up to stand beside him. 

“They all live fairly close to each other, within a five minute drive. I just live over here because this is where the bank is. We’ve been in the same space since we opened, and I wanted to be close by. I’m not really needed there as often as I used to be but I still like to be close by. The bank is my baby. Back in the beginning, there was a lot to figure out. I was there pretty much around the clock.”

“What made you want to open a blood bank?” Yoongi looks over to him, and watches him take a deep breath. 

“I saw potential in the business. But mainly, I just wanted to help out my kind. I’ve been alive a long time, and just like everyone else born and Made before World War II, I struggled to get blood. As soon as the deal was made for vampires to own and operate our own blood banks, I thought that was the best way for me to use my time. It also means I get to meet and get to know so many vampires. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Coven, but for a very long time they were the only vampires I knew, and I wanted to know more people. To have more friends. Now, I know a large portion of the Seoul vampire community by name, and that makes me happy.” Hoseok turns to Yoongi and gives him a blinding smile. “You should drink.” He points to the bottle. “Come on, it’s better when it’s warm.” He walks back toward the kitchen, and Yoongi follows, a bit like a puppy. Logically, he knows he lives here now, at least for the time being, but no matter that Hoseok told him to make himself at home, it’s still Hoseok’s apartment. It took time before Taehyung’s apartment felt like home, so Yoongi knows it’s going to be the same here as well. 

Hoseok holds his hand out for the bottle, and Yoongi reluctantly parts with it, handing it over. “These bottles are microwave safe,” Hoseok says proudly. “I personally worked with the manufacturing company to make sure they’re safe. They also don’t stain, which is nice considering blood stains. You wouldn’t have to worry about that anyway, with the black one.” He puts the bottle in the microwave. “You wanna warm it for like thirty seconds, and then take it out and mix it a bit, and then put it in for thirty more seconds. Then if it’s not warm enough yet, you can just keep doing that until it’s to your liking. You just don’t wanna put it in for too long at once because you do not want it to start cooking.”

Yoongi listens raptly to all of Hoseok’s tips, feeling hysteria growing in his gut. It began after leaving the blood bank, and he wonders when it’s going to burst. This is your new normal. He laughs, and once he starts, he can’t stop. He laughs loudly, uncontrolled, clutching his stomach and doubling over. “Yoongi-yah?” Hoseok says, a little concerned. 

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi says through his laughter. “I’m sorry, I just… I spent over a year whoring myself out and getting bitten and fed on just to get blood, and now I can go buy it from a fucking store. It’s just- just ridiculous!” He laughs until he feels like crying, but he can’t. He crouches down, putting his head in his hands, still laughing, though he doesn’t find it funny at all. It’s not funny. But it’s his life. “I was a fucking drug addict, and now I’m a vampire,” he gasps. Hoseok crouches down in front of him, putting his hands on his shoulders.

“Breathe. I know you don’t need to, but it helps, I promise.” Yoongi looks up into Hoseok’s eyes, and nods, forcing himself to take deep breaths. It eases the hysteria somewhat, and after a moment of breathing, he does calm down. “I know. It’s insane. Absolutely insane just how quickly everything can change. Believe me. I know. It gets easier, I promise.” Yoongi nods, holding Hoseok’s gaze. “The thing that helps, I think, is to just soldier on. Just keep moving forward, step by step. And eventually it’ll stop feeling so strange, and start feeling routine.” Yoongi nods again, and a moment later they stand. Hoseok reaches into the microwave and pulls the bottle out, gently turning it over and back a few times to mix it around, and puts it back in for thirty more seconds. He does this twice more, and then hands Yoongi the bottle. It’s pleasantly warm, and thinking, here goes nothing, he unscrews the cap and takes a small sip. 

He didn’t really taste it, last night. But now he makes himself drink it slowly. It tastes absolutely delicious. He thinks about every time a vampire fed on him, the way they would moan sometimes as they drank, and now he understands why. Vampire blood was delicious to him, but this is… on a different level. It doesn’t get him high, but it feels a lot like eating a delicious piece of meat after being really hungry. Satisfying, in a primal way. He drinks the whole bottle, unable to stop himself, and when it’s gone he holds it upside down over his mouth for a long moment, allowing every last drop that will come out to fall. When he’s done, he licks his lips, though he didn’t spill a drop. 

“Fuck,” he whispers. 

“Good, isn’t it?” Hoseok says with a smile, and Yoongi huffs a laugh. 

“Yeah.” Hoseok takes the bottle from him and rinses it out in the sink. He places it upside down on the drying rack. “So! What do you want to do?” Yoongi stares at him for a long moment, his mind completely blank. “Why don’t I show you your room, and you can take a rest?” Hoseok suggests gently, and Yoongi can only nod, and then follow Hoseok out of the kitchen. The room he leads him to borders the living room, and has a big window along the back wall. There’s also a TV mounted on the wall across from the bed, as well as an armchair in the corner. On the chair, is his backpack. “There’s UV film on the window, so you can leave the blinds open if you want to stay awake, but they’re black out curtains so it’s pitch black during the day if you close them.” Hoseok goes on to explain how to get to netflix on the TV, and then with a smile, he leaves the room. 

Yoongi goes to the bed and presses down on the mattress, smiling faintly when he finds it’s soft. He sits down on it, and his smile grows. There are few things better than a comfortable bed. He lies back and stares up at the ceiling. He takes a deep breath and holds it in his lungs. All around him is silent, and he is calm. Yoongi revels in that calm. He thinks about the despair, the hopelessness that was his constant companion for so long. He thinks about how far down into that abyss he was, about how he never thought he would be able to find a way out. Yoongi thinks about yesterday. He really thinks about it. He was angry with Taehyung. He felt betrayed, and abandoned. 

But now he can see things clearly. Emotion swells in Yoongi’s chest. He is grateful to Taehyung. He’s grateful to his whole Coven, but mostly to Taehyung. Taehyung, who saw something worth saving in him, who was willing to sacrifice any kind of relationship with Yoongi in order to bring him peace and end his suffering while still allowing him to keep his life, even if it meant betraying his trust. Yoongi can see clearly now that had he been able to, he would have made the choice to let Taehyung Change him much sooner. Had he not been held so tightly in his addiction’s grasp, he would have been able to see. But he wasn’t, and so now he is grateful to Taehyung for making that decision for him. 

And he still wishes that he could go back, could stop any of this from ever happening. But… it did happen. And there’s nothing he can do to change that, no matter how badly he wishes for it. And since it did happen… why not look on the bright side, for once? Because if there’s one thing the last year and a half gave Yoongi, it’s Taehyung. It’s his new lease on life, and his new family. It’s going to take him a long time to move on from what happened, but he has time now. He has peace. He has Taehyung, and the rest of the Coven. Namjoon was right, Yoongi thinks. I can lean on them. I think that would be okay, to lean one someone else, after doing everything alone for so long. 

Yoongi smiles, and it’s small, but it’s genuine. He misses Taehyung, but he thinks he might be ready to see him again soon. Perhaps sooner than he thought, but… he has time now. He can take his time. 

It takes two months before Yoongi feels ready to go back home. By then, they’ve firmly entered summer, and Yoongi’s extremely happy to find that just like the cold doesn’t bother him as a vampire, neither does the heat. He hasn’t seen Taehyung since the day after he was Changed, but he’s seen the others. They came over to Hoseok’s periodically, to spend time with and get to know Yoongi. Outside of Hoseok himself, because he lives there, Yoongi has seen Jeongguk the most. 

They get along quite well, something Yoongi’s finding is true for every member of his Coven, but with Jeongguk it’s a little different. Despite the fact that Jeongguk is a hundred and fifty years older than him, Yoongi feels the desire to take care of him, to be the hyung he would be, were Jeongguk a twenty-two year old human still. Jeongguk, used to being the youngest, lets him. They talk about music endlessly, and after a few visits, Yoongi shows Jeongguk his lyrics. None of his songs he’s already written are appropriate for Jeongguk to sing, but they busy themselves with writing some new material, and Yoongi’s pleased to find that Jeongguk is a decent song writer. It’s something nice to fill his time, and something that the old Yoongi did even better than Yoongi the addict ever did, so he throws himself into it with gusto. 

It’s a quiet night in the middle of June when Yoongi goes to Hoseok and asks if he would take him home, and Hoseok, with a huge smile on his face, nods vigorously. He helps Yoongi pack up his things, and then they go to the car together. They don’t give Taehyung a heads up, and a muted sort of excitement bubbles in his belly the closer they get. 

Now, he stands outside of Taehyung’s door, his bag over his shoulder. Hoseok waved goodbye and drove off, leaving Yoongi to have this reunion alone. He takes a deep breath, checking in with himself. He’s calm. He’s content, perhaps even on his way to being happy someday soon. He misses Taehyung. 

He knocks on the door, and waits. It opens a moment later, and as soon as he locks eyes with Taehyung he smiles. There’s a look of shock frozen on Taehyung’s face. “Hi, hyung,” Yoongi say softly. “I’m home.”

Taehyung’s face crumples, his breath whooshing out of him in one gust, and he rushes forward. Yoongi barely has time to drop his bag before Taehyung’s arms are around him for the first time in two months, and it feels like coming home much more than returning to this apartment ever could. Yoongi hugs him back just as tightly. And when that’s not enough he picks up his legs to wrap them around Taehyung’s hips, clinging to him. “Yoongi-yah,” Taehyung whispers, his voice thick with emotion. Yoongi thinks he would be crying if he could. They both would be. 

“Hyung, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too baby.”

Yoongi pulls his face back, moving one hand to cup Taehyung’s cheek. He stares into his eyes, seeing nothing but comfort, and love, and fondness in them, and he smiles. Taehyung uses his foot to drag Yoongi’s bag through the door so he can let it shut, and Yoongi kicks off his boots, letting them thud onto the floor of the entryway. Taehyung walks them into the apartment, through the living room, with its bookshelves and its plants, and into the bedroom. He lays Yoongi down on the bed and crawls on top of him and just lies there, holding him. Yoongi pets his hair, and kisses his temple. “Are you really back?” Taehyung whispers, sounding so vulnerable Yoongi melts a bit. 

“Yeah, I’m really back. I took some time to get to know myself again, and once I felt comfortable with me alone, I realized I don’t want to be me alone… I want to be me with you, because even when I was at my worst, when I was with you I felt safe. Even when I was very far from okay, when I was with you I felt like I could make it through. And now… when I feel better - good, even - I thought, maybe, with you I could feel great.” Taehyung sits up and gazes down into Yoongi’s eyes. “You saved me, hyung. You… keep saving me, just by being here.”

“I love you,” Taehyung whispers. And as Yoongi peers into his eyes he feels like he’s seeing into his soul. He finds that Taehyung doesn’t just mean it the way friends do. The way family does. He means it from the depths of his heart, and it makes Yoongi’s whole being sing. It makes him happy. 

“I love you, too.” Taehyung leans down and kisses Yoongi soundly. Yoongi still doesn’t understand what drew him to Taehyung, and he wasn't able to take the time to really think about it, but now… There’s nothing stopping him from spending all the time they have figuring it out together. He spent so long constantly running out of time, but now, even if he doesn’t fully comprehend what it truly means, he has time. There’s no rush to figure this out, because now, there’s nothing standing in his way from really living his life. 

A Look into the Life of the World’s Most Famous Producer
By: Lee Nawon, Time Magazine 

December 28, 2070

DISCLAIMER: This article was published only after being reviewed by SUGA himself, and none of the information disclosed within is shared without his express permission. 

It was a cold, cold morning in Busan when I sat down with the globally celebrated, award winning producer SUGA. I arrived at the Paradise Hotel in Haeundae an hour after sunrise. I waited in the hotel’s luxurious lobby for only ten minutes, before a hotel employee escorted me to a secluded table in the corner of one of the hotel’s several restaurants. The windows, of course, are fitted with UV film, and so SUGA was able to sit with the sun warming his skin in the early morning. There was another vampire sitting beside him, holding his hand, and I recognized him as the painter V, who’s been famous for nearly forty years now in the art world and beyond for his skill. I sat down opposite them after they stood and we greeted each other. At that time of morning, the rest of the restaurant was almost empty, and it was quiet, which I knew suited SUGA just fine. 

I’d met SUGA once before, years ago when I was still a young journalist. By now, everyone in the music industry remembers the absolute frenzy that occurred after JUNGKOOK’s album Euphoria dropped, entirely written and produced by the vampire pop star himself, and some unknown producer called SUGA. The album, as we all know, of course, was a massive global success. The titular single was number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for 17 weeks, and was only knocked out of its spot by the next song that the duo released. The music world around the globe was in shock, and it only took a few days after the album’s release before everyone started scrambling to work with this unknown producer. For fifty years now, JUNGKOOK and SUGA have been taking the world by storm with their music, but for all this time, very little is known about SUGA. He rarely makes public appearances, he doesn’t speak about himself in interviews. We knew he was a vampire, but that was it. He preferred to let the music speak for him, and it certainly did. 

There was quite a palpable shift in JUNGKOOK’s music after he started working with SUGA. Before, it was good and meaningful, of course. But, in my humble opinion, it often veered toward contrived. He would sing about things like youth and love - which are entirely valid things to sing about, but when it comes from a vampire who is singing about growing old with someone you love, it feels strange (okay, okay I know that was just one song a long, long time ago, but it stuck with me okay?). After he started working with SUGA, JUNGKOOK’s music shifted toward being a little darker, a little more serious, and a little more mature. You could tell that he was almost two hundred years old, and he sang about the things he’d been through, about the passing of time and how the world changes and how it stays the same. He sang about love, still, but in different terms. His music began to really feel like it was from a vampire’s perspective, something which was still new at the time. We learned later, from JUNGKOOK himself, that this was all SUGA’s doing. He encouraged JUNGKOOK to write more about himself and his own life, and provided music to go beneath his lyrics which elevated them so much higher than anyone thought JUNGKOOK’s music could ever go. Let’s not forget, however, that even before he started working with SUGA, JUNGKOOK was one of the world’s most popular pop stars, and was certainly the most famous.

We’ve all seen SUGA at awards shows, and in rare appearances on Run JK!, the variety show which JUNGKOOK does for his fans (whom he affectionately calls his ‘kookies’), but sitting across from him in person for the first time, I was struck by just how small SUGA was. He has such a huge talent, and when he speaks in the rare interview or when accepting one of numerous awards he wins every year, his presence fills whatever space he is in. But sitting in the early morning sun at the table in the hotel restaurant, he was small; thin, and narrow, with shaggy black hair which he brushed out of his eyes every so often with long, thin-fingered hands. He sat with his arms comfortably resting on his lap, his legs crossed. V sat close beside him, an arm draped over the back of his chair behind his shoulders. He wore a thick, soft-looking black cardigan over loose, green pants, while SUGA was dressed in an oversized, green and black sweatshirt which he was drowning in, and tight, ripped jeans. The aesthetic difference between the two was almost comical. V introduced himself to me as Kim Taehyung, and SUGA introduced himself as Min Yoongi.

I went into this interview with a few prepared questions, but for the most part, what follows is a portion of our organic conversation. 

What made you decide to reveal your true name to the world after so long?
I decided that I was tired of hiding. 

What were you hiding from?
My past. 

So if you’re finished hiding, what would you like to tell the world? Everyone’s been clamoring to get more information about you for a very long time now, so quickly I wanted to tell you how honored I am that you chose myself, and TIME Magazine to share your story.
I guess I’m just giving in to the people who’ve been asking me to be more public for a long time now. But to be honest, I don’t really want to be as out in the open as JUNGKOOK is. I don’t know, though. What do you want to know?

I guess, my first question is how did you meet JUNGKOOK?
I met him through Taehyung. Um, Taehyung is my Maker, and Jeongguk is in our Coven. We first started dating a little under fifty-one years ago, and it wasn’t long after I became a vampire that Jeongguk and I started working together. 

Did you produce music before you became a vampire?
I did. I actually rapped underground for a couple years under the stage name Gloss. You can probably still find those videos on youtube, though I haven’t looked and they’re very old now. I’m sure they’ll resurface after people read this though haha. I’ve been writing and rapping and producing my own music since I was in high school. I stopped for a little while because of my short lived career as an architect, but after I became a vampire I needed something to focus on, and music was the obvious choice since I had Jeongguk there breathing down my neck to write him songs haha. 

You were an architect?
I was haha. Briefly. That’s what I studied in university, and I worked at two different architectural firms. 

What made you stop? (Here, SUGA sighed heavily and stared out the window for a long moment. Taehyung moved his arm from the back of the chair to SUGA’s shoulders, and they stared at each other for a long moment, as if having a silent conversation. Finally SUGA nodded, and turned back to me.)
Something that shaped my life, and is the reason I’m a vampire today, is the fact that for almost a year and a half before I became a vampire, I was addicted to vampire blood. That’s why I’m so scrawny - it took a toll on my body before I was Changed. This was, of course, before the curative treatment was created fifteen years ago, and back then there were only two choices: become a vampire or die. I was forced into it, and I’ll be honest. It sucked. 

Oh wow… that is terrible.
Haha yeah, it is. It took me a very long time - probably twenty years? or so until I was able to really come to terms with what happened. 

So, Taehyung turned you when you had no other choice?
Yes. It was a difficult situation for us, and for Taehyung’s whole Coven. But in the end, it was the best decision. The only decision. And now, I’m glad it happened. 

You said you two have been dating since before you became a vampire?
Haha kind of. We didn’t really start dating until a few months after I became a vampire. I wasn’t really… up for a relationship before that happened. But we’ve been very happy together for fifty years now. 
Taehyung: here’s to fifty thousand more hahaha!

That’s wonderful, congratulations.
Thank you. Hah, I guess my fans might be interested to know that we’re married, and have been for thirty five years now. 

Oh, I’m certain that will break quite a few hearts haha.
I’m hopeful that my fans will be happy that I’m happy. 

So, despite how… traumatic, for want of a better word, your entry into the vampire community was, you don’t regret it?
No. I don’t. For a while, right after I was Changed, I wished desperately that I could go back in time and change the circumstances that surrounded me the night I was forced into my addiction, to prevent it from ever happening. I went through a… lot that year, that I won’t talk about, and I was very hurt by it for a long time. Heh, this is getting a little heavy for an interview, but…
Taehyung: But it’s your life.
SUGA: Yes, it’s my life. For a long time I didn’t have a purpose, a reason to keep going. But, when Taehyung Changed me, he gave me time, which is something that I never had enough of before. When I was addicted, I saw death right around every corner, but after I was Changed death all but disappeared. Hah (he gestured out the window), except for the sun, of course, but thanks to technology I can enjoy it without bursting into flames. But, after the Change I had time to slow down and try to figure things out. Music really helped with that. Music, and Taehyung and Jeongguk, and the rest of our Coven. 

Your Coven is quite famous.
Haha, I guess we are. Thanks to Jeongguk-
Taehyung: You have to give some credit to Jimin, or he’ll never forgive you hahaha.
SUGA: Ah yes, of course. 

You’re talking, of course, about Park Jimin, the model?
Yes. Internationally beloved supermodel Park Jimin. The most beautiful face in the world. (He said this just a little sarcastically, but with a loving smile on his face.) But there’s also Jung Hoseok, who owns the largest chain of Blood Banks in Asia, and Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin, who are renowned surgeons. They’ve performed more than a million surgeries between them, and saved countless lives with their skill and knowledge. And then of course, we have Taehyungie, who’s the most amazing painter in the world.
Taehyung: I don’t know if I’d go that far-
SUGA: I would.
Taehyung: Okay baby. 

You two seem very much in love.
We are. Despite how hard it was when we first met, now… I wouldn’t change a single thing, because it got me to where I am now. I was alone for a long time when I was still human. I had aspirations, but… the loneliness was a big obstacle. And then, of course the addiction put a pin in all of that. I thought for sure I was going to die. But Taehyung saved my life, and he helped me see that it was worth going on living. And now… I have my dream career, making music for millions of people who love and appreciate it, and for someone as talented as Jeonggukie. I have an amazing family in my Coven. I have my human family, whom I got back in touch with after I was Changed. My parents have sadly passed, but my brother had a couple kids, who had a couple kids, and so now I have nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews. And, most importantly, I have my husband, who is the love of my love. And I will hopefully continue to have him for as long as we exist.
Taehyung: As long as the mountains and stars still exist, we will be together. 

Dear readers, I ended the interview there. SUGA, the mysterious producer behind countless mega hits put forth by JUNGKOOK and hundreds of other artists in the last fifty years, is no longer a mystery. He is a small man, through both genetics and through circumstances. We can hear the pain he’s been through in many of his songs, and now it makes sense. I knew no more than you all did before coming into this interview. And I don’t know about you all, but I am comforted to know that someone with as much talent and fame, which could appear to be isolating, has someone who loves him so deeply. He’s at the top of his career and his fame, and has been there for a very long time with no end in sight, so long as he continues to make music. But he’s not alone at the top. And, it would appear, he never has to worry about being alone again. 

THE END