Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Dear Sokka,

You’ll be happy to know that I got to Omashu in one piece. I just got to my room in the embassy compound a few hours ago and I’m writing this letter under an oil lamp. It’s past midnight and I have to get up early for a meeting, but I didn’t want to forget to write to you.

My travel here was alright. I’m really just glad that it’s over. We made it to the western outpost in a week and a half. It was another day’s travel by ostrich horse carriage to Omashu. There was a decent size storm that took out two days of travel, but it wasn’t a significant problem. I finally understand just how boring water travel is by itself. Every morning I would wake up alone in bed and remember that I’m only here at the request of the Fire Lord. I would talk to my colleagues from time to time and suddenly realize that I don’t know anyone here as well as I know you. There’s no one here to hold me when I feel lonely. There’s no one here to snuggle next to me in bed and tangle their arms and legs in mine. I don’t know how I’ll get used to sleeping alone while I’m here.

The only source of stimulation I could get on that ship was probably in my dreams. I had a nightmare for the first time in almost a year. Just a day or two ago, I dreamt of him. Ozai. I woke up the next morning breathing heavy and covered in sweat. I nearly cried. It wasn’t a particularly violent or startling dream, but I haven’t felt that much fear in a long time. I think it must have had something to do with being stressed and being on the water for so long. I’ll try to make some green tea before I sleep from now on.

I think this letter will come to you in about two weeks if I send it through the priority mail. I finally understand why you get so anxious when you send letters to your friends. There’s always bad weather and cargo ships aren’t that efficient anyways. I hope you’re doing well by the time this reaches you. It can’t be easy being in that apartment alone. Please know that I am there with you in spirit. Always.

I hope Master Piandao is treating you well at the forge. Please rest your shoulders from time to time. Send me a picture of your latest smithing project if you get the chance. How about a picture of us too? I’d like to frame it and put it next to my bed. It would be nice to have something of us to keep me company. Send a picture from when we went to Ember Island last summer. You don’t know how much I wish I could’ve brought you here with me, but I guess this will have to do.

When you write back, don’t address the letter here. I will be moving out of the embassy compound in a few days and into an apartment in a more residential area. I will have a mailbox there. Address your letter here: [REDACTED]

Every day without you passes too slowly.

Zuko

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Zuko,

Every day without you does pass too slowly. It feels all the same too. All I’ve done for the past three weeks is go to work, hammer swords all day, and come back to this empty apartment. I don’t think I fully got that you were gone until I pulled something in my shoulder at work last week. You give killer heated back massages and I miss them. Don’t worry, I took the next day off to make sure I was healed and I’ve been a lot more careful since then. If it makes you less worried, I’ve been eating alright. I’ve been buying groceries once a week and trying to make a healthy lunch to bring to work, but honestly, cooking is really boring now. It’s not the same without you. Nothing really is the same without you.

Also, just because it’ll take two weeks for this to get to you doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you get away with not sleeping. I’m upset that the Fire Lord won’t let me go to Omashu with you to tire you out before bed, but I hope you’re managing on your own. To be honest, I haven’t been sleeping that well either. I think it’s because I’ve been all pent up since you left. Maybe rub one out before you go to bed? Actually, maybe I should do that tonight. That usually knocks me out pretty quick.

I’m really sorry that you’ve been having nightmares again. I really hope the tea helps. If you ever need a reminder, he’s long dead now. You’re safe. I love you. Honestly, to hell with the Fire Lord! I swear I will get on the next ship to Omashu if it’s getting too hard for you.

I printed two pictures over the weekend just for you. The sword that I’m working on right now is a pure steel katana. It’s for some admiral. Isn’t it pretty? He paid good money for a sword this pretty. It was a pain to hammer out (and I think that’s the thing that ruined my shoulder), but all I’ve got left to do is polish it. 

I’m glad that the first time I really spent time on Ember Island was with you. I really miss the beach. I miss sitting around the fire with you and roasting marshmallows and you showing off your fire tricks. I miss all of that. Can we please do it again when you get back?

We got a letter from Aang like a week ago. He says he’s staying in the Northern Air Temple for a while with the settlement from the Earth Kingdom. He’s got something spiritual to do in the temple, something to do with chakra but he didn’t say much about that. Well he says that Teo says hi (I can’t remember if I told you about him). Aang says he’s gonna be coming to the Fire Nation in about two months. He basically asked me if we could host him for a week or two. I mean he doesn’t know that you’re not here, but honestly, I don’t mind living with someone again, even if it’s just for a little while. I haven’t written him back about it yet but I figured I’d at least let you know.

Do you know when your mission is going to end? I know you said this one was gonna be a lot longer than usual, but I really hope you come back before the end of the year. Please take it easy at work. 

(I can’t think of a romantic sign off but it can’t hurt to say I love you again)

I love you.

Sokka

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Dear Sokka,

You should be glad I gave you my new address right away. You know they read every letter that comes in or out of the embassy compound, right? I can’t have everyone I work with knowing that my boyfriend thinks the Fire Lord can go to hell, even if it is because he loves me.

I’m sorry that you pulled your shoulder and I hope you stay healthy and don’t do anything stupid for the rest of the time I’m gone. I honestly didn’t know you liked my back massages this much. When I get back, I promise I’ll rub it as much as you want and kiss you better, alright? You should know I’m definitely looking forward to that.

I get that it’s hard being alone for this long. If it’s any consolation, it’s been really hard for me too. Every day I spend all day talking to politicians and come back to my sad little apartment and check my mailbox over and over waiting for your letter. I have been trying to read some books in my free time and that’s been helping. I don’t know the exact date I’ll be coming back to the Fire Nation, but I do know that I am going to be staying in Omashu for the next two months. I will be traveling to Ba Sing Se on [DATE REDACTED], though I don’t know how long I will stay there. I also hope I get to come back before the end of the year. You can hold it against me that I will do everything in my power to make sure that I spend the New Year with you. Honestly though, I’m excited to live in Ba Sing Se again, even if it’s only for work. I really want to visit the Jasmine Dragon if I have the time. I realized when I found this out that I haven’t seen Uncle in over a year. I really miss him. Actually, I’m going to write to him as soon as I finish this and let him know that I’ll be coming there soon.

Speaking of writing people, I assume that you’ve written back to Aang by the time this gets to you. I appreciate you letting me know about it but you know I would never say no to hosting him. Go enjoy yourself. You deserve some company.

Before I forget, thank you so much for sending the pictures. I got the one of us framed and it’s sitting next to my bed. Maybe I should’ve done this before I left. I think having the picture and being consistent about having tea before bed have been helping my stress levels. I think I might actually have my nightmares under control now. I’ve still been having dreams that make me feel a little uneasy when I wake up, but they’re nowhere near as bad as a full on nightmare. Also that sword is really beautiful. It looks really powerful too. I hope the guy who ordered it actually finds a use for it. I’ve never done any smithing, but it does definitely look like the blade would be quite stiff. I mean that’s useful in a sword, but not as useful for the person shaping it. Would you give me a special boyfriend discount if I asked for one like that? I’m kidding.

You are my guardian angel and one of the last things keeping me sane.

Zuko

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Zuko,

Wow, you’re going to be going on two trips back to back? That’s really a lot. Do you know how long it’s going to take to get from Omashu to Ba Sing Se? Or how long you’re going to be there?

I’m happy that you’re so excited about going to Ba Sing Se. I bet Uncle Iroh is too. It’ll definitely help too, spending time with someone you love. My taste for tea probably isn’t as refined as yours, but please bring some back with you. I’ve really gotten into drinking herbal teas since you left. Actually, I’d definitely give you a boyfriend discount on a sword if you brought back more chamomile tea. It gets me to sleep real quick and I appreciate that.

Please send me some pictures in the city while you’re there. Maybe a picture of you, too. They don’t really have to be of anything in particular, but I just really want to see what it looks like. Even if it’s just like the view from your apartment, I’d be fine. The only time I went there was with Aang and Katara and Toph and we were too busy with the whole Avatar quest to properly walk around and take in everything. Y’know, I know you’re going there for work, but I’d love to spend some time there on vacation.  Maybe we can do it when you’re less busy.

I really do feel that on the being ridiculously bored front. There’s really nothing to do here that’s just as fun alone as it is with you. I don’t really go out much except to jog in the park sometimes but even that gets boring pretty fast. It’s finally getting warm though, and the sakura trees are blossoming. Going to the park and walking around the garden was our thing, though. It doesn’t really feel right if I do it alone so I haven’t done it as much as I want to.

I don’t even want to get up and stretch on the weekends anymore but I need to make sure I don’t get hurt again. I started taking really long walks a couple weeks ago and trying to explore different parts of Capital City with this map I found in the closet, but exploring’s not as fun when you don’t have anyone to do it with. 

Then there’s also the language problem when I try to do anything outside. No one has like outwardly harassed me for being an immigrant or anything since you left and you know I’d gladly kick them to the curb if they did, but it always feels like people are looking at me weird the second I enter the room or open my mouth. Even the person checking out my groceries can tell that I’m not really from here. Honestly, having you next to me fixes that problem a little and I miss that. It’s definitely bearable on my own, but it still sucks.

Sorry for being such a downer, but yeah this is really hard and it’s suddenly gotten a lot harder. And judging from your last letter, it’s been hard for you too. But hey, now that we kind of know what your missions are going to look like, it’s all the more reason to make your breaks last as long as they can. I’ve gotta start thinking up a list of things to do together when you get back or you’ll be leaving again before we know it. I’ll send you a full list in my next letter so we can pick the best ones.

Capital City feels a lot emptier without you in it.

Sokka

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Dear Sokka,

I get that things are hard when you’re living alone and you’re not used to it. I’m feeling that too for sure. It pained me to read your letter and even more because I don’t know how to help you from this far away. I really wish I could be with you right now. I wish I could hold you and tell you that you already made it this far on your own, but that’s exactly the problem. I just hope you’re doing better by the time you get this. And don’t worry about doing things alone. If you want to spend all afternoon taking pictures of the sakura trees and feeding turtle ducks because it makes you happy, I’ll be more than happy.

I just found out about my travel plans for the second part of the mission. I’ll be taking a train from Omashu to one of the smaller cities halfway to Ba Sing Se and then going by ostrich horse carriage the rest of the way. This adds an extra week to my travel time, but the railroad that’s supposed to connect Ba Sing Se to Omashu is nowhere close to finished. At least I can just directly take a ship back from Ba Sing Se to Capital City and it won’t take much longer than two weeks. I’ll be spending about four and a half months in Ba Sing Se and then coming straight back. I wasn’t really in a good mental space the last time I was there, so I feel like this time I can actually see the city for what it has.

I have some good news for you! I know I’m only halfway done with my mission, but I was just told today that I’m going to have a three month vacation when I get back to Capital City. I still have to go to the palace a couple days a week, but other than that I’m completely at your service. I’m definitely interested in your list of things to do together. I want to cross off as many things on your list as we can during my vacation.

Of course I’ll send you tea and pictures when I get to Ba Sing Se. I don’t know how to get photos printed there, but I will try my best. Or I can just send you the whole film roll. Actually, just let me know of anything you want me to bring back and I’ll try to get it when I have time. I was already going to bring a lot of tea, but chamomile has now officially been added to the list. I’ll look for something cute for you too. 

I definitely get that you feel uneasy going out because you look and sound different from people who were born in the Fire Nation. I know I haven’t felt that to the extent that you do and this might sound kind of stupid, but if you can’t do anything about your differences, own them proudly and that’ll keep most people from messing with you. Otherwise they’re just looking for trouble. Sokka, you’re a strong guy and you definitely know what to do when people mess with you. You know what you’re worth and I think that’s really hot.

Also this might be my last letter for a while. Work has been really picking up recently and I need whatever free time I have to pack my things and get ready to travel. I promise I will send you a letter as soon as I get to Ba Sing Se and have my new address. And if I remember correctly, Aang will be staying with you in a week or two. I bet it’ll help to live with someone for a little while. I want to hear all about it when you write to me next time.

Nothing would give me more joy right now than to wipe all your tears and kiss you better.

Zuko

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Dear Sokka,

First of all, I'm alive. I'm sorry that it took me this long to write to you from new address. I've finally gotten settled in my apartment in Ba Sing Se and started going to work. Today is also the first day I haven't been sick. It was weird. It was like having every food poisoning symptom at the same time and a god awful headache. I don’t really know what could have caused it. It might have been a side effect of traveling for so long, or maybe there’s something in the food or water that im not used to. I could barely leave my bed to get food, it was getting that bad. Thank the spirits for soup and rice being so easy to make. I never realized how scary it is to get sick when you're living alone. But it’s over now and I’m glad.

It's like the spirits were torturing me for something and I have no idea what because I barely slept the first two days I was sick. The moments that I could sleep were like hell, anyways. I’ve never had fever dreams this bad. Sometimes I was alone getting ripped apart by some kind of spirit beast and sometimes the beast had his face but every time I would wake up shaking and crying. That was the only time I was happy to be alone. I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me like that. 

Other than that nightmare, my travels were alright. It was definitely weird being a Fire Nation official traveling deep through the Earth Kingdom. I feel like in some ways, the blood on Ozai's hands has transferred to me, even though I'm not even Fire Lord. The war’s been over for a while now, but it’s hard not to feel guilty even though none of it was directly my fault. It was hard to miss that our caravan was Fire Nation because the insignia was literally everywhere. I felt so exposed the whole time. I wasn’t really allowed to leave the carriages at all so I just sat there in that tiny little cube for a week and it was hell. 

The only time I really got to walk around was in one of the towns a couple days outside Ba Sing Se when they stopped to feed the ostrich horses in the middle of the day. I just got out of my carriage and started walking away. Yes, I know that was really stupid of me. No, I don't know where to. I ended up at a general store, I think. I’m sure everyone there knew that I’m Fire Nation, but I was grateful no one said anything. I ended up buying something random to keep a memory from the place. Apparently it’s called chili powder. I took his word for it and ran back before anyone knew I was gone. I’ve been mixing it a little in my omelettes recently and honestly it makes a world of difference. I’m thinking about starting a spice collection while I’m here. It seems like a good use of my time and it’ll add some variety to what I cook. I’ll update you on how it goes.

How are you? Is everything alright over there? I’m really sorry for taking such a long time to write to you. I haven't been able to take any pictures like I said I would but I promise I'll send some nice ones next time. It’ll be your birthday soon, too. Happy 25th, Sokka. You're officially getting old. I’m sorry I can’t be there with you, but I hope you get to at least spend it with Aang. I’m curious what you two have been up to. Do you mind asking him to write to me too?

In sickness and in health,

Zuko

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Zuko,

Thanks for the birthday wish, lovely (even if it is a week late). I can’t believe I’m really in my mid-twenties now. I just hope my joints don’t start getting stiff anytime soon. My birthday went pretty well. Though it really felt weird celebrating without you. I don’t think we’ve ever missed celebrating either of our birthdays, even with your work schedule. I miss your birthday cake the most, to be honest. I tried to recreate it, but of course it isn’t the same. I really don’t know how you manage to make cake that’s so fluffy. Me and Aang went to the ramen bar down the street for dinner and finally caught up like we were meaning to. Overall, it was a pretty solid night. 

I took some pictures on my birthday and got them developed. The first one’s of my failure of a cake. It really should be a crime for a guy to have to make his own birthday cake. Aang snapped a couple candid pictures of me drunk at the ramen bar and honestly, who is that hottie? I want his number. I know you’ve been sick and haven’t had time to take any pictures, but please send some as soon as you can.

It’s been really nice having Aang around. You were right-- it feels a million times better to be living with someone again. I picked him up from the port and we spent that night talking and catching up, but I’ve been pretty busy with work and he’s got Avatar duties that he came here for, so we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together until my birthday. It just dawned on me that I’m really just a lowly blacksmith surrounded by all these powerful men like somehow both my boyfriend and my best friend are important political figures. Not that I mind the perks, though. 

I’m really sorry that you got so sick. I mean you writing a letter to me means you’re probably alright, but that’s awful. I bet it was really scary getting so sick while living alone. I haven’t gotten sick yet and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn’t happen. 

I’m glad that your travels went alright, though. I bet sitting in that carriage was exhausting. I don’t blame you for trying to get out. That’s what you get when you become a politician, I guess. A spice collection sounds pretty cool. It sounds like a good thing to keep in the back of your mind. I don’t think I trust you with chili powder though after what you did to my ramen that one time. Maybe being able to handle spice is a purely firebender thing but my throat was burning the whole next day. I wonder how many there are to make a full collection.

I asked Aang to write you a letter before he leaves. I’m going to miss him. It sucks that I’m being left twice. Once by you and once by him. That’s the price of not having a job that requires me to travel, I guess.

I’m counting down the days until you get back. 

Sokka

Flame-o hotman! 

(somehow that never gets old)

I haven’t seen you in ages! What’s up in Ba Sing Se? I’ve been doing pretty well myself. It’s nice living with Sokka again. It reminds me of old times. Though it would be perfect if you were here too. I had some Avatar business to take care of with the Fire Lord for the last two or so weeks, but now that that’s over, it’s been nice to not have anything to do. 

You probably heard it from Sokka but we celebrated his birthday at his favorite ramen bar last week and it was honestly a lot of fun. Mostly because I was doing it with Sokka, but also I haven’t been out like this in a while. Being the Avatar is great and all, but I miss being a guy who could just hang out in a ramen bar with his friends.

I’m leaving in a few days and I’m sad to be traveling again. I’m sure you get it. I love being a nomad, but I think of you with a place to go back to at the end of the day, and I feel like I’m missing out. Well first of all, I’ve got to go collect Appa. I had to leave him at the temple because unfortunately there’s nowhere to host a sky bison in Capital City. I think if there’s anywhere I could settle down right now, it would be the Northern Air Temple. I love the people there and it almost feels like home. You and Sokka should come visit me sometime. I’d be more than happy to host you in the temple. I’ll send another letter when I get back!

Aang

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Dear Sokka,

I’m glad you had a good time on your birthday. Even more so that you didn’t have to spend it alone. I’m really sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you. Definitely put ramen on the list of things to do when I get back. Send over the full list when you can. I’m getting to the last month of my mission, so I want to be prepared for what’s happening when I come back. Also don’t worry, your joints have a couple more years to get stiff.
I’m absolutely flattered that you tried to recreate my birthday cake. I love the picture. You actually got pretty close to my recipe. When I come back, I promise I’ll make you a properly fluffy birthday cake. You can definitely hold that against me.
I did get you a birthday gift. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I got some pictures of the city developed just for you. The first one is of the view from my apartment, like you asked. I happen to live right above a street market so it’s usually loud all day, but I don’t mind. The second one is of me and Uncle at the tea shop. Do you mind getting that one framed? Right after I took it I realized that I don’t have a single good picture of me and him together. And there’s a story behind the third one that I need to make clear before you jump to any conclusions. I felt spontaneous on a Saturday morning and the light was looking really good in my bedroom so I took a picture of myself in bed. You don’t want to know how many shots it took to get it look even slightly presentable. I know it’s a bit blurry but it’s hard taking a picture of yourself with a disposable camera. I thought you would like it because it seems like the kind of thing you would do. And so you could see all the empty space in my bed that you’re not taking up.
I’m starting to like it in Ba Sing Se. I mean work is work, but I’m enjoying the change of scenery for once. Uncle got my letter and I’ve been spending my free time with him at the tea shop. I know I used to hate being there when I was younger, but I miss him, the tea, the atmosphere, everything. I know I was going through a lot when we first settled in Ba Sing Se but I really wish I had appreciated it more back then.
Uncle has been throwing a lot of dinner parties recently to celebrate me being here. I’ve been to one at least every two days at this point. I guess he’s been really hyping me up to his friends because I wasn’t expecting this much attention. You know I’m not the greatest at dinner parties but it’s been nice to talk to people that aren’t politicians for once. I’ve been enjoying it.
I told Uncle about my spice collection and I think he asked one of his friends to bring me some “essentials'' because now I have a bunch of jars I don’t know what to do with. I guess I’m going to have to try them out soon. I think he said some of them can be put in sweets too. Maybe I’ll make you a spicy birthday cake for some variety.
I only have a month left here before I come back to Capital City. It’ll pass by really quick.

I’ll be home before you know it.
Zuko

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Zuko,

It makes me happy to hear that you’re having so much fun. I’m glad that you get to see your Uncle and actually spend time with him. I know it sounds weird, but your writing seems happier. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can sense it and I’m happy for you. I really liked the pictures you sent. You’ve got a really good eye for interesting scenes. Speaking of them, I loved the bed picture the most out of all the ones you sent. You’re wrong about it being something I would do. I probably wouldn’t have thought to turn the camera around like that and take a picture of myself. Yeah it’s blurry but you look really good like that. You guessed right when you thought I’d like to get a picture of you biting your lip like that. I’ve gotta say, you look really cute first thing in the morning when your hair’s still a mess and your eyes are still a little swollen. Ugh, I’m missing you so much as I write this.

Y’know what, I just realized that I haven’t been to Ba Sing Se since I was on the Avatar’s quest. I don’t blame myself for not taking time to explore the city, given we did have the Sozin’s comet deadline and the Dai Li were trying to kill us, but seeing your pictures reminded me that I’d like to go there on vacation sometime. I think it would be pretty cool. What do you think? What if, when we get a little older and have a lot more to our names, we buy an apartment in Ba Sing Se? It would be like a vacation home. That way you have a place to stay when you’re working and I can spend time with you on vacation. I know it’s ridiculously expensive and something at least ten years away, but I think it’s a really good idea.

Things are back to normal on my end. Ever since Aang left for the Northern Air Temple, I’ve been noticing the silence again just as much as I first did. It felt really good to have someone to live with for a little while, but I don’t think I hate the silence as much anymore. Sometimes I’ll turn on the radio and listen to whatever’s on for some background noise, but most of the time it’s quiet. It’s nice to have it on while I’m cooking, though. That way I can listen to the news and most importantly the sports recap.

Also, thanks for reminding me about the date night list. I started writing it on the back of something but I think I lost that paper so you made me delay writing you back by another 30 minutes because I was thinking of date night ideas. And only slightly getting lost thinking about what would happen if we actually had a proper date night for once. I’m even more excited for when you get back. I need to know what ones you want to do in what order and if you’ve got any other ideas.

The Ultimate Date Night Plans List:

1. Spa night
2. Fancy dinner at home & movie
3. Dessert night
4. Karaoke night
5. Ramen bar
6. Picnic
7. Hiking
8. Day trip out of the city

A snippet of you is always my favorite.

Sokka

P.S. I don’t think I want to know what you mean by a “spicy” cake. A regular old birthday cake will do.

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Dear Sokka,

This is going to be my last letter. It’s finally time to come home! It’s not going to be easy leaving Ba Sing Se. I didn’t know anyone in Omashu, so it was easy enough for me to pack my bags and get going when the time came. I think I’ve gotten attached to Ba Sing Se because I’ve lived here before (even if it wasn’t in the palace district) and because Uncle still lives here. Fortunately, my travel plans are a lot less complicated this time. Next weekend, I’m going to be getting on a passenger ship that will go back to Capital City. It’ll take about three weeks if we don’t hit any bad weather along the way. Expect me home by the end of the month.

I kind of ran with your idea of buying a second apartment here and I’d be alright with it. I think it’s because the flat I have here is maybe one and a half times the size of ours and I feel a little spoiled having this much space. I don’t know what my stance is going to be on this in ten years, but you could always save this letter to show it to me. 

I feel like it’s important to tell you that you really made me blush reading what you said about my bed picture. Thank the spirits I didn’t try to read it in the mailroom because I was feeling so impatient. I can absolutely see you drooling over it and I bet you’re counting down the days until you get to see that for yourself. Maybe we should add an at-home photoshoot to the date night list.

I absolutely love that you took the time to come up with a date night list. I think hitting about one a week is a good pace (I’m definitely up for two if we’re feeling more ambitious, though). I think the first one we should do is the romantic dinner. I don’t think we’ve ever really gone all out on food and I’ve picked up so many new recipes and variations of other recipes from the Earth Kingdom that I want to share them with you. I also had an idea a couple days ago that I should throw you a proper birthday party, even if it’s two months late. I even got you a present from here. I was walking around the street market when I saw it and thought that it’s such a thing you would buy. It’s a surprise though, so please no peeking through my bags when I get back. Also, don’t worry about the spicy cake. When I said “spicy” I meant cinnamon, not red chili if that makes you feel better. And now that I think about it, putting red chili in a birthday cake sounds awful. Besides, I think you’d like it, even if you don’t like spice. 

It makes me happy to know that you’re holding up well. It’s only just a bit longer. I love you and I miss you. I can’t wait to see you again. It’s been way too long.

Not even the great ocean can hold our love apart.

Zuko