Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Damnit, Luz!” Amity huffed in exasperation at the tall girl across from her.

“I just don’t understand why it’s a big deal!” Luz moved her arms wildly as she talked - her eyebrows knitted together under a messy floof of hair. Amity knew she was being ridiculous, she was being oversensitive. But the pang in her chest pushed her forward.

“I just don’t like you hanging out with her, okay?” Amity’s voice quieted down, still fitted with a razor edge. Luz let out a groan of frustration.

“Why? You won’t even - Willow’s my best friend. What the hell don’t you like about her?” Luz’s normally sweet, goofball tone was long gone. There was a harsh look to her brown eyes that made Amity fold into herself.

Luz had invited Willow and Gus to spend Christmas with the two, and Amity had done nothing but displayed the opposite of Blight-standard hospitality. Looking back on it, she felt guilty for her atrocious treatment towards the girl - her parents would have been horrified had they seen it. What would they think of her? She was supposed to be the perfect daughter - a stark contrast to her rebellious older siblings, they would say. Amity could almost laugh at her inability to reach their expectations. But when Luz’s two friends walked through the door, Amity’s whole being vibrated with jealousy. The casual-but-nice dress that Willow had worn, the way she smiled at Luz. How she lingered in their hug for just a bit too long. Amity had tried to put on a brave face, but she knew her displeasure showed when she “accidentally” spilled a cup of hot chocolate all over the girl - and Luz, for that matter. The way she’d barely offered to help Willow clean up far from helped. And now, hours after she and Gus had left, Luz was standing there, hell bent on an explanation for Amity’s behavior.

But, how was she supposed to explain that the way Willow looked at Luz shook her to her core? Hell, she couldn’t even look Luz in the eyes. It wasn’t like they were dating or anything, Amity had tried a hundred ways to ask her out, and every time it always fumbled between her fingers, caught on the hesitation of her lips. Amity didn’t have a way to explain without confessing her feelings, and she knew that now was definitely not the time for that. To Luz, her and Amity were just roommates, nothing more than friends. They’d had a rough start that Amity still grimaced at the thought of. Was this whole thing just to spite her?

“Really? You’re not even going to say anything?” Luz’s anger had faded - replaced with a deep hurt that dug into Amity’s chest. The betrayed frown splayed across her dark skin was so much different than the normal childish grin she wore. The pained look in her eyes as she blinked away their gloss. Luz’s hands fell to her sides as her shoulders fell. Amity begged for Luz to be furious at her again, for her to scream and yell at the smaller girl. This was a far worse punishment than an anger-filled argument, and Amity felt the situation slip from her control - if she ever had any in the first place.

“I just - I don’t -” Amity reached for something, anything, to say to take away the distant look in Luz’s eyes. Luz started to back towards the small dorm room’s door. “Luz wait, please?”

Amity’s words barely dented the walls Luz had shot up between them.

“I’m going on a walk,” Luz’s voice felt far away as she reached for her favorite beanie and her jacket.

“Luz, c’mon, please? It’s Christmas! You can’t - it’s freezing out there! And it’s nearly midnight, it’s not safe to go out by yourself,” Amity pleaded with her, but it was no use. Luz yanked the door open and stormed out.

The way the door slammed against its frame sent Amity crumbling to the carpeted floor. It was silent for a few moments, before she let out a shaky sob. She was an idiot. This whole thing could have been avoided had she just told Luz how she felt sooner - at least she’d have a reason for her feelings towards Willow. Luz deserved an explanation at the least, and Amity just hoped she’d have one by the time she came back.

___

Amity chewed at the tips of her black fingernails. Her eyes bore into the clock on her nightstand.

3:02 AM.

Amity blinked a few times and checked again.

3:03 AM.

Luz had been gone for three hours now. Amity had long given up on trying to craft some sort of worthy explanation, her determination and guilt gave way to gut-wrenching worry.

Where are you, you dumbass?

Amity glanced at the door, untouched since Luz had slammed it earlier.

Her eyes drifted to the left, caught on the familiar lilac shade of Luz’s beanie.

Amity staggered to her feet - a tingling feeling shooting through her legs from not moving for so long. She ran her fingers over the threads of the cap as she imagined her friend shivering in the December cold. Amity clutched the well-worn beanie to her chest.

She knew Luz was still angry with her, but there’d be plenty of time to apologize later. Right now, finding her roommate was all that mattered. Amity Blight was hell-bent on getting her back.

She forced the door open and walked out into the silent hallway. As she ran towards the stairs, Amity felt a pull in her chest to go to Willow’s dorm. She’d been there before a couple of times - once with Luz and the others to drop off lecture notes to her old friend Boscha. Amity jogged towards the other dorm building, flying up three flights of stairs.

She was panting by the time she got to Willow’s door.

Knock, knock, knock.

She waited a few moments, listening for any stirring within the dorm. It was silent. Her heart sank in her chest as she thought of Luz walking Bonesborough alone. It was a nice place during the day, but it sure held its fair share of thugs.

As Amity began to walk back towards the stair case, she heard the gentle creeaak of a slowly-opened door. 

"Amity?" The soft, hesitant voice sent guilt shivering down her spine. She turned towards Willow, an apology already on her lips. Sensing what was about to happen, Willow threw her hand up in a silencing motion. 

"Please, don't apologize," she began, cautious eyes giving way to understanding. "I see the way you look at her. I know you were acting out of jealousy." Amity was about to deny the accusation, but a knowing look from the girl kept her quiet. "And, for the record," Willow's eyes bore into Amity's. "I don't have a crush on Luz. She's just my best friend - I know how much you like her." Despite her internal protest, she let out a sigh of relief.

Amity let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah. I really, really do." She felt a soft smile creep up on her face, before it quickly fell back to worry. "Actually - um, I came here to see if you'd seen Luz? We got into a fight a few hours ago, and I haven't heard anything, and I'm starting to kind of freak out. I mean, what if she got hurt? Or what if something happened to her phone, or if she got lost or-" Amity's sudden burst of emotional rambling was cut short when she saw a tall, goofy figure standing behind Willow. 

"You were that worried, huh?" Luz's sheepish grin brought a feeling of utter relief over Amity. 

"Oh my god, you dumbass." Amity shot forward and pulled Luz into a tight hug. Luz laughed and put her arms around her smaller friend. 

"Hey, hey, it's all alright - I'm okay, see? No scrapes or anything! But I was freezing out there. I guess I forgot to grab my - hey wait, are you holding my beanie?" Luz pointed to the thick purple fabric still clutched tightly in Amity's hand. Amity's face blushed a bright red as she looked at it. 

"Ah, yeah," she chuckled. "I figured I'd uh- bring it with, just in case you were cold?" Luz raised an eyebrow at the uncertainty in Amity's tone. 

Willow just groaned in the background. "Yeah right," she teased. 

"Okay, yes, I may have brought it for comfort - you really had me worried! Gosh, couldn't you have at least called? I mean, I know, I was a rude, terrible jerk. But I still deserve to know that at least you're safe right?" Amity's voice cracked slightly, tears beginning to dribble down the sides of her cheeks. Luz wiped them away with her hand and pulled Amity into another hug.

So warm.

"I know, I know - I'm sorry. I was just really upset - but you're right. I should have at least let you know I was okay." Amity sniffled and looked up at Luz, who's eyes were back to their warm, caring state. 

"Hey, Luz?" Amity let out, her soft voice barely above a whisper. Luz hummed in response, concern clear in her stiff shoulders.

"I was jealous. That's why I was so, unpleasant earlier. It's really stupid - trust me, I know. But you at least deserve some sort of an explanation." Amity's voice was riddled with shame and embarrassment. She wished she could just redo the horrible Christmas they'd had. 

"Hey, it's okay. I appreciate that, but really, it's okay," Luz's tone was kind and gentle, and it nearly made Amity break down all over again. 

"I really, really, really like you Luz Noceda," Amity blurted. "More than a friend, more than a roommate. I have for a while, and I realized tonight that had something happened to you, I don't think I could have forgiven myself. I'm sorry for treating you so poorly when we first met, but please, please, just know that I really do like you a lot. You don't have to say that -"

"I like you too, Amitiy Blight," Luz was beaming from ear-to-ear. Amity's face blushed redder than before as she took in the solar-brightness radiating from the other girl's face. 

"Ahhh - really?" Amity was dumbfounded. Luz nodded vigorously. 

"Yes! Ever since that time in the library where you tried to help me study for my midterms and instead ended up talking with me about Azura the whole time! That's when I knew you were more than just a brain with a pretty face - you're just as much of a weirdo as I am!" Luz's smile spread to Amity's face, and the two giggled at the memory. Amity hadn't often stalled her studies to talk about such things, but Luz made her feel so accepted, like it was okay to be as much of a dork as she wanted. 

"Well, let's say we get back to our dorm, yeah?" Luz reached out her hand and Amity took it gently. 

"Yeah, let's get back, that way we can get at least a little sleep!" Amity's eyes had started to droop, and she wondered how she would make it through her biology class. 

"Hey, do you want to go out for coffee tomorrow? Like on a real date?" Luz asked, eyes hopeful. Amity couldn't keep from smiling.

"Of course!" Amity paused. "But uh, please tell Eda not to spike the drinks with extra espresso like last time? I swear you didn't sleep for three days after that." Luz laughed. 

"Hey! I don't react to caffeine all that great - but yes, m'lady, I promise I'll tell her not to spike our drinks with extra espresso." The pair smiled as they opened the door to their dorm room, with each ready for whatever bit of rest they could get. 

Amity pretended not to notice Luz slump into Amity's bed - and acted like it was nothing when she laid down next to her. Despite her blush, this was something Amity Blight could get used to. Hopefully things were looking up.