Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"What’re we gonna do, Miss Mori?” 

The man who spoke was battered and bruised, blood dripping from an eye that would never see the light of day again. They were far from an army, but they had truly believed that maybe, just maybe, they could have won this. If Count Outlier hadn’t arrived unexpectedly with his men, they could have definitely caught Monsieur LaBelle off guard like they had been planning for weeks. But this was an unexpected, and fatal, mistake. 

“FUCK! FUCK IT!” Another man with messy brown hair threw the tankard in his hand at the base door with full force, spilling its frothy, amber contents all over the ground. “That father of mine always knows how to make a shitshow of things.”

“Calm down, Burton.” Calli sighed, drumming her fingers rhythmically on the table she was sitting at. This wasn’t good, that much was certain. Hisato was lucky enough to make it back alive, and as for Strider...Calli felt a twang of remorse resonate within her heart. Monsieur Labelle was a known financier of the Outlier family, who had been making life a living hell for the people who lived on their land for 70 years, and killed any family who dared to try and escape. Women had been going missing from the surrounding villages, and men were forced into sick games of life and death for the counts amusement. The original plan was to kill Labelle and cause a heavy blow to his ability to govern, but…

“This could be an opportunity.”

Calli’s voice was barely audible under the crackling of the candle, but despite this both Hisato and Burton fell completely quiet. They knew exactly what Calli meant. The idea was suicide, but...there are some causes worth dying for. 

Calli knew that more than anything. 

Death...wasn’t all that bad. 

“If your father dies, you’re next in line, right?” 

Burton and Hisato shared a glance, and Burton nodded.

“Unless he has a secret lovechild tucked away in some dungeon, which - actually no he almost certainly does have that cracked bastard - but you think I'm gonna let something like that stop me? I’m taking it all back, and nothings stopping me. You can count on me. See what I did there? I said cou-”

Calli held up a hand to stop him.

 “I get it Burton, so please, stop talking.”

Calli put both hands to her mouth and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. They would only have one shot at this. In the eyes of Count Outlier, Strider and Hisato were just a couple of rats who got too close to the oatmeal. He was visiting Labelle for pleasure, not work. He truly believed that nothing could touch him. And that’s exactly why he would die tonight. 

“I’m going in alone.”

“Like hell you are, you goddamn muttonhead!” Hisato suddenly cried out, slamming his hands on the table. “That’s damn suicide! I’m not gonna let you throw your whole life away on one shot! We have time, we can come up with a better plan!”

“When exactly do you think we will get a chance like this again, huh? Right now he’s RIGHT THERE, he won’t be this vulnerable again in, who the F word knows? Tonight he dies. I can promise that.”

Hisato gritted his teeth.

“Well, what's your master plan then?" He finally asked after a couple of seconds of silence, the tension in his body wavering. He’d worked with Calli long enough to know those eyes weren't easy to change. 

“Simple. I’m going to pretend to be a simple, naive, frightened girl whose horse ran off, and ask those kind and lovely gentlemen at the door for help” Calli explained matter of factly, and Hisato scoffed.

“Ain’t nobody gonna buy that.”

“No?” 

The tone of Calli’s voice caught Hisato off guard, and when he looked up from the table his words caught in his throat. Her normally cold, stern demeanor had completely melted away, and the eyes that looked into his were warm and gentle, her fluffy purple hair catching in the light in a way that made it shine like muted amethysts. Her face was full of kindness and innocence as she fluttered her eyelids, shifting her shoulders as she appeared to be afraid to meet his eyes.  “Are you sure, Hisato? Do I really...look like someone who’d rip out your spine and make you eat it?”

Hisato’s face rushed with blood as he was filled with thoughts he would never in a million years thought he’d feel about his terrifying battle-hardened boss or himself as something awakened within him, and her giggle upon seeing this caused him to desperately seek Burton’s eyes for validation, only to be betrayed by his stern, almost disgusted look. 

“It’d work.”

 Burton muttered, spitting onto the floor. “My father only surrounds himself with men like him, degenerates and perverts the lot of them. You waltz up to them, looking like a lost little lamb with those big baby eyes and quivering voice, they’ll skip the seasoning and eat you raw”

“Perfect!” 

Calli giggled again, smiling widely as she interlaced her fingers, resting her chin on them. 

“Then I'll feel absolutely no guilt whatsoever ripping their hearts out.”

“Why do we got the shitty job?”

Finley complained to Norris as he leaned against the large wooden door they were both guarding. 

“Pretty sure it’s 'cause you accidentally killed the merchandise last time you were givin’ them a ‘test run,’ Finn.” Norris smirked, playfully nudging Finley with the tip of his bayonet.

“Oi, that makes the value go up if you find the right people!” Finley shot back, causing the both of them to break into grotesque laughter. 

“Oi Oi, what we got here aye?” Norris suddenly whistled, tapping Finley and pointing to the road leading up to the keep. A stunning girl in a long flowing black dress was approaching nervously, her eyes darting all over the place as she took in her surroundings. She seemed clearly shaken up. Finley and Norris passed a lecherous look between them and took a step forward. 

“‘Ello love, you lost?” Finley called out, causing the girl to jump in surprise.

“Oh um, yes well, uh, I was robbed and, my horse, and, um, I don’t, guh, I don’t know where I am? Could you perhaps, maybe, help me? Please?” Calli stumbled over her words constantly, obviously in distress.

Finley took a step towards Norris, talking quietly enough that she wouldn’t be able to overhear them. " Think she’s good enough to get us off guard duty?”

“I think she’s good enough to get put on guard duty. ”

The pair laughed dirtily as they turned back to Calli with wide, open smiles.

“Well, that sounds just awful, love!” Finley lamented with fake concern as Norris made his way to the doors lock, opening it wide for the girl to come inside. “Why don’t you come with us and warm up for a bit, it’s awfully cold out here and you seem pretty shook up. Me and old Finley’ll take good care of you!”

Calli’s eyes lit up at that as she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh would you! Wow that's so kind, I don’t know how I’d ever thank you!”

“Oh, I'm sure me and ol’ Norris can come up with something, peh heh heh!” Finley tittered as he placed a strong arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him like they were old lovers. Calli laughed nervously, fiddling with the hem of her skirt as the men led her further in. The courtyard was surprisingly empty, or maybe not that surprising given the time of night it was. Eventually they came to a door which Finley opened, and the girl was brought inside. 

This was not a military facility, but this room was clearly meant for soldiers and guards working or staying at the premises. Inside were no less than twelve men, drinking, smoking, and playing cards. All of them stopped what they were doing instantly as soon as Calli was bought in, and a heavy, almost static atmosphere filled the room. As the door shut behind them Norris walked in front of her, whilst Finley stood blocking the only way out. 

“Alright gents, I bought tonight's entertainment! And the best thing is, this pure little thing ain’t on the books!”

A cry of jubilation erupted amongst the men and Calli stumbled back against the wall, her eyes filled with fear.

“Wait, what, what are you doing? I thought, I, wait, I thought you were gonna help me out! I, I wouldn't do this if I were you!” Calli stumbled over her words, placing her hands behind her back as they came against the wall. Norris stepped up to Calli, cracking his neck as he placed a hand on the wall beside her head, pinning her between him and it. 

“Oh we are helping you, sweetheart! We’re gonna help you all night, Miss…what’s your name again?”

Calli stayed silent as she focused on her breathing. Norris exhaled, his meaty breath assaulting her face. 

“Come on, love…”

He placed a rough, calloused paw on her thigh and began slowly moving it up, much to the delight of the invested crowd. “It’s just no fun when we don’t know… -ARGH, FUCK! ”

Suddenly Norris cried out in pain as he yanked his hand back, staring at his finger in confusion as beads of scarlet began to pucker on the tip. He turned back to see the wicked smile dance on the face of the girl who just minutes ago was quivering in fear as a glint of silver flashed in front of him. He wasn’t sure exactly how he was seeing the angle he was seeing as Calli ripped off the bottom of her now torn skirt and threw it over Finley’s head, wrapping it around his neck and pulling him in front of her as the men in the barracks opened fire on Finley’s struggling body. He was especially unsure how he was seeing them do so, and from such a low angle, as well as his own body but minus a very important part. And he was completely bewildered at how he was suddenly moving rapidly upwards and was now face to face with the girl who just a few seconds ago he had complete power over as she shoved something inside somewhere he should have no awareness of. 

And once that confusion was gone, and he looked into the girl's cold, but more than anything alive and happy eyes, all that was left was terror. Sheer, unbridled terror.

“ You reap what you fucking Seiso.”

Norris opened his mouth to scream.

But no sound would come out.

Chapter Text

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

The bloodcurdling scream rang out as Norris felt the complete and utter emptiness of death take him. It wasn’t meant to end like this! Not at the hands of some...some bitch!

“ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

“Sir please, this is a Nandeads.”

The voice cut through the void like a dagger piercing his heart, as vision filled his eyes once again. Norris had died, he had never been so absolutely sure of anything in his life. But now, despite that, stood a man with a long, wild beard, a bright orange uniform and beret, and a plunger. His breathing was heavy as he stood there, his eyes transfixed on the apparition before him. If this was god, he hadn’t expected him to look so...scruffy. And he didn’t expect him to have the name tag ‘Ghengis’. The two of them just stood there, staring at each other as the sound of dishes and conversation echoed around them. 

“...this is yours. The toilet is clogged on floor 2543. This is floor 23. You’re dead so. You can’t die again. Just make it quick.”

The man turned to leave, but Norris quickly put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Wait, what’re you talkin’ about? What the hell is this? I just bloody died, and now I'm...what the hell is all this?”

Ghengis let out the deep, pained sigh of a man who had worked in the service industry for 1000 years. 

“This is Nandeads, the underworld's premier fast food joint. We cater to all souls who have been deemed fit for purgatory and above. If you have come from a worldline where technology is not as advanced as that present in the restaurant please ask another employee - not me - for advice on how to use the machines. There are no rest breaks and no pay. Employee’s get one standard dinner off the saver menu once every fortnight. Thank you for your service at Nandeads and remember have a boo-ah-ti-ful day.” 

The whole delivery was so rehearsed it caused Norris physical pain to hear, even if he had never encountered a fast-food worker ever before. There was so much to take in -

Norris quickly had to grab Ghengis who was once again making his leave.

“Oi, you can’t just say that and bugger off! What the hell does any of that even mean? Purgatory and above? Are you insinuating that this is...nah, that’s not right. I’m a God-fearing man I am, I’ve got my crucifix, I shouldn’t be here! There’s obviously been a mistake!” Norris yelled in Genghis’s face at full volume with spittle in full flight, and Ghengis took it all with no change in expression and cold, dead eyes. A true fast-food employee. 

“If you have any complaints, take it up with the Tenchou.”

“You better fucking think I will, where is he?”

“Bottom floor, to the left.”

“Alright, and how do I get down?”

Genghis let out his longest sigh yet and took a step forward. Norris thought he was going to show him the way and turned around, only for that to make it much easier for Ghengis to shove him down the stairs that were behind him. Ghengis watched him scream and fall for a while, relishing this minuscule free time he had only for it to get cut short as the intercom glared into life. 

“GHENGIS, CLEAN UP ON FLOOR 425, TARRARE HAS BEEN SICK.”

Ghengis didn’t even make a sound as he went and did what he was told. 

That’s what a fast-food worker's life was, after all.

“boo-ah-ti-ful.”

The door that read ‘Manager: Kiara Takanashi’ burst open with force and slammed against the wall as Norris stormed in, his entire body throbbing in pain after the trip-literally-down so many stairs. 

“Oi!  you the one in charge here!? I have a complaint to make, there is no fucking way I should be - ”

Norris was suddenly cut off by a slender hand rising from the chair facing away from him and frantically waving, accompanied by obvious and frantic shushing sounds. The hand alone was not something Norris was expecting, with long slender fingers and manicured nails. His eyes drifted from the fingertips to what was apparently so much more important than him - and his blood (if he still had any blood) ran cold. The office room itself was incredibly deep, almost the length of a football stadium with a 20th of the width. Adorning the walls were thousands of tubes that went into the ceiling and out of sight, but the thing that caught Norris’s eye was the back wall - or rather, lack of it. Instead, there seemed to be what looked like a vague mist coating a mirror, and on the other side of that mirror...was the woman who killed him stuffing a bomb inside his neck and throwing it into the boys he had just cleaned house with in poker last night. 

“What...the...fuck...is...this.” 

Norris's mouth hung slack as he dropped to his knees, staring at the grotesque display as Calli dodged his mate Barry’s knife, using what was left of her skirt to pull his face into her rising knee.

“Oh ho ho did you SEE that! YES Calli, ungh, SO. FUCKING. BADASS!” The hyper, giddy voice sung excitedly from behind him, causing his head to slowly turn and look at the source. The woman was beautiful, with long silky smooth orange hair with blue tips and eyes that looked like they could see the universe. Her dark orange dress was incredibly low cut down to the navel, yet somehow regal like a queen, accented by the tiara and veil on her head. Despite this, however, he could only see the face of a monster. 

“You...what the fuck is wrong with you?”

For a moment, and only a moment, her eyes turned on him. And that moment was all it took to know the sheer power she held. All the joy in her expression vanished instantly as he felt the weight of mortality itself crashing down upon him. 

“ You don’t get to talk you little shit.”

Those eight words caused Norris to completely freeze, a million nightmares suddenly plaguing every waking moment. Almost as though it had never happened though, the woman was once again looking at the scene with nothing but excited joy. 

“Oh my god yes! YES! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UUUUUUUUP! GO CALLIIIIII!!” 

Kiara jumped for joy as Calli swung Barry into the men who were still freaking out over his severed head just as it exploded, causing guts and viscera to plaster the walls of the room as Calli slammed the door behind her. As soon as this happened however Kiara jumped out of her seat, swinging the scythe with the tri-colour orange, yellow and teal blade and cutting through the mist. As she did so, several caps on the tubes that lined the walls popped open, and the ethereal forms from the now-deceased men were ripped from their bodies and sucked into the waiting tubes and sent somewhere within the humongous fast food complex. 

“Oh sweet, come on Calli, fuck that ripped dress look is so hoooot. Ah, you’re so sexy!”  

Kiara continued to thirst as she watched Calli making her way through the building, dispatching the remaining posse with finesse and poise. It was not that she wasn’t taking damage, however - a few guards were definitely getting some hits in, and Kiara would yelp and yell at them whenever they did. But Calli simply didn’t seem to give a single fuck. She made her way to the Monsieur room, her tattered dress now revealing the thicker leather battle corset underneath. The door, to no surprise at all, was locked. But Calli had not met many doors in this technologically stunted world that could stand up to a good boot. 

“Unf yes Calli, break down that door like it’s me!”

“You...you know her?”

Norris finally found his voice, and immediately wished he hadn’t. Once again all the warmth in the room was snuffed out instantly, the icy presence of death overwhelming all five of his senses. 

“ Know her? ” Kiara snapped and turned slowly to face the terrified man, who was shaking on the floor. “I don’t just fucking know her. I love her. She’s my fucking wife.”

The dust from the door caused Calli to sneeze. Norris's stomach felt like it was being pulled up his esophagus and his eyes began to roll into the back of his head from sheer fear alone. As Kiara reached for him no noise could escape his mouth, no matter how desperate he was to scream. 

He had felt this way only once before, and it wasn’t in life. 

“She is the most badass, majestic, kick-ass phoenix whoever, EVER lived. She is so utterly perfect in ways that mortals - no scratch that, even immortals, don’t have shit on Calli. She is incredible. INCREDIBLE!”

Kiara’s hand finally made contact with him, and as she bought her face close to his her voice oozed venom. 

“And you dared, fucking DARED. To lay a greasy, disgusting finger on her.”

Kiara lifted Norris up by his throat, and despite all his senses being so thoroughly consumed, he still felt the pain from her grip. 

“You know, most people, they think they’re safe here. They have rebelled, and tried to fight me, and tried to start a rebellion, all that shit. But what people don’t know is there are ways to kill even the dead. Well, not ‘kill’ in the same sense, you know, you’re dead, but I guess you could say, what’s the phrase, fate worse than death? Someone who is dead will always revive from anything in the underworld, similar to how everyone who’s immortal will revive, however, they can travel back to the world of the living. BUT however, there is one EXCEPTION  to this rule.”

There was the sudden sound of a tube popping open. Kiara began to slowly walk with Norris over to its source.

“There is one thing that you can never, ever revive from. An eternal punishment I save for those who have done especially evil things, who refuse to try and repent. But you, my dear little dead pervert, I’m going to make an exception. Because you dared, you fucking DARED, to look at her with those sick, SICK eyes. I’m going to make sure you never look at anything a-fucking-gain. Okay? You got that?”

There was the faint sound of suction as Norris was bought closer to the tube. Through probably the same urge you get that makes you look at a car crash, his eyes darted to what the sign said, and he screamed.

Oh, how he wishes he could scream.

MEAT PROCESSING PLANT

“Mmm, yes, I can tell you understand, can’t you?”

 Kiara brought her lips right up to Norris’s ear as he felt his feet swaying, despite the suction being light it was as though he weighed nothing at all.

“You. Piece. Of. Shit.”

With the final syllable, Kiara let go, and Norris didn’t even hit the floor before he was sucked up and sent to the place where all souls who are beyond redemption find themselves. Kiara watched until he was finally out of sight, before letting out a full-body shudder and shaking out her hands.

“Ew, gross gross gross! What a fucking creep! Anyway! Back to CallI!”

Her old personally came flooding back like a returning tide as she scrambled back to her big comfy boss chair, watching her own personal action hero do her thing. Labelle was scrambling on the ground as he turned to face Calli in a desperate attempt to bargain. 

“Please-”

“Gomen, shitsureshimasu ga shindekusai.”

Calli didn’t even wait to hear what he had to say, stomping her foot down with all of her power, splitting his head like a melon. 

Silence finally filled the room as she took this small moment of respite. She hadn’t sustained as much damage as she expected, which was incredibly surprising. The Monsieur may have been dealt with, which was the core objective, but that wasn’t enough. If the Count was still here, it was her duty to end his reign of terror once and for all. She looked at her boot in disgust, trying her best to scrape what was left of the Monsieur off it before turning around and

“CALLIIIIIIIIIII, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” 

Kiara’s horrified, guttural voice echoed through the empty office as she watched the blade pierce through her one true love's stomach. Even if she knew it would be fine, it was never nice to watch someone you love die, no matter how many times you see it.  Calli looked down at the crimson coating the hand of the man who wielded it and looked up to see the grinning smile of Count Outlier himself.

“G-Guh.”

Calli stumbled forward only for the Count to catch her whilst shushing, twisting the rapier, and causing her to let out a yelp of pain and Kiara a slew of expletives. 

“ My my, this is why I only let my boys play with the merchandise I’ve already broken in, you never know what sort of riff-raff will come in off the street.” 

He chuckled darkly, having fun pulling the blade in and out as though it was a game. Calli coughed up blood onto the back of his shirt, causing him to recoil in disgust.

“Good god, what the devil do you think you’re doing you disgust - wait-what on - ”

The Count stumbled and was surprised to find out he couldn’t get away from her. Whilst he was having his fun, he didn’t notice Calli had snaked her leg behind his own, and now had his caught in a vice grip between her thighs. 

“What on - Let go of me! Let go of me this instant!” 

Despite his protests, the grip got tighter and tighter, and no matter how much he continued to move the blade inside her he was met with the same defiant eyes and empowered smile. His anger turned to panic, and his panic turned to yelling as his bone was shattered, causing him to collapse and fall to the ground. This made no sense. If the wound he initially inflicted wasn’t already fatal, the sheer amount he sliced up inside her was definitely enough to send her to the afterlife. And yet she stood above him with the poise of a woman who would never die, as she pulled out his sword from her with not even a grimace and held it above his eye. Count Outlier was not a man who feared much in this world, and yet right now, he was feeling the full effects of what he’d lacked for over a decade. He could see the light fading from her eyes, and yet she still stood proudly. That was the most horrifying thing he could imagine. His voice shook.

“Do...Do you not fear death?”

“Nah. I just find em a bit annoying. But guess what?”

Calli lowered the tip of the blade to his eyeball, causing the infamous steel blooded count to close them shut tightly out of reflex. And yet suddenly, light flickered in front of the closed lids unlike any he’d seen before. Though his eyes fluttered only slightly, they then opened wide at what he saw in hers.

 
Fire. 

Pure, untamed, fire. 

“You do.”

With a battle cry Calli raised the sword up high and plunged it into his eye and all the way down until she felt bone, and then surpassed her limits until she felt it crack. 

And just like that, everything that was keeping Calli alive was gone. She took a step back from Count Outlier’s body and looked at the flickering flames that had begun to dance in the palms of her hands. 

“Now...it’s your job...Kusogami.”

As Calli erupted into flames Kiara swung her scythe, bringing Calli through the veil for the first time in what felt like forever. 

“CALLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

Kiara cried out in pure joy as she hugged her tightly and spun her around, ignoring the obvious pained expression that was written on Calli’s face. 

“Oh my god that was SO. COOL. The way he stabbed you the asshole but you were like UNH I've got your leg bitch UGH snap how does that feel and then, AND THEN when he was like ‘do you fear death’ and you were like ‘no, but you do’ oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD THAT WAS SO FUCKING HOT, THAT WAS THE HOTTEST THING I’VE EVER SEEEEEEEEEN, THEY WAY YOU’RE HAIR WAS ALL WILD AND BLOOD SOAKED AND YOUR TOP WAS TORN A LITTLE AND SHOWED SOME SIDEBOO-”

“KUSOGAMI, FOR, GUH, FOR GOD SAKE STOOOOOOOOOP!” Calli cried out and pushed Kiara away, her cheeks flushing a deep red as she avoided eye contact with the extremely infatuated reaper. 

“But it was so so so so so HOT, like OH MY GOD, SO GOD DAMN SEXY-”

“KIAAAAAAAAAARA, PLEAAAAASE!”

The two girls laughed awkwardly as Kiara’s fawning finally died down, and the two of them began to catch their breath. Calli gave Count Outlier’s soul the middle finger as it was sucked into a soul tube, as Kiara poured Calli a glass of her favourite wine that you could only get in the underworld. As Kiara handed it to her, it was with the genuinely warm, loving smile that Calli hated to admit she had missed. 

“It’s great to see you again in person, Calli.”

“...You too, Kusogami. You too.”