Archive of Our Own ^beta

Higgs can’t keep his hands off Sam. He helps him take his still-wet clothes off, running his fingers over his body. Other than a few spots on his face, hair and neck, his clothes—and Mekal— seemed to have protected him from the time fall. 

The damage is barely anything, and from far away it seems to blend in to the stencils. Higgs licks a long stripe from Sam’s cheek to his forehead, tasting the stale sweat there. He can faintly smell and taste his hormones, the stress and exhaustion evident. 

He doesn’t hate him for it?

“Gross,” Sam grumbles in his hold. 

Hehas to… this is exactly what he did to Fragile… done to Sam’s daughter… the one person he could trust…

No… Sam’s the one person you can trust. 

Higgs smiles against Sam's skin. “Bring back old memories?”

Sam kicks off his pants but doesn’t otherwise move. He wraps his own arms around Higgs after he does the same— Higgs’ arms around Sam’s shoulders while the other man’s is around his body, fingertips dipping into Higgs’ waistband. Sam leans forward before drawing back, eying the drying blood still on Higgs’ skin. 

Sam reluctantly pulls away. It doesn’t take a genius to know Sam would much rather sleep for the rest of the day, but he’s more concerned about Lou. 

Shit… it was all Higgs’ fault. He had said that it wouldn’t have rained and it was safe… and he’d most likely caused the timefall in the first place. He mentally slaps himself as Sam turns toward the shower. 

Fuck. What’s wrong with him? He absolutely adores Lou, and this is what he fucking does? He doesn’t seem angry… didn’t taste or smell angry. 

It’ll set in at some point...

The perks of having their own home is that they could change the water temperature whenever. Despite that, Sam still sets it to the usual brutal hot. 

Higgs undresses the rest of the way, feeling compelled to gather Sam in his arms again. He holds back until Sam himself buried his face in Higgs’ chest and wraps his arms around him again. 

“I love you, Higgs…”

The sudden embrace surprises Higgs, let alone the words… they make his breath hitch.

Before Higgs could’ve said it back— if he even could —Sam steps under the spraying water, hisses at the temperature. Higgs spends an understable amount of time staring at Sam… the water cascading across his skin, over muscles and a few scars...

“You gonna join me? Still gotta mess on you,”

“Uh huh,” Higgs answers mindlessly. 

He’ll never get tired of looking at Sam… his hair is soaked. Strands— some more gray than before— stick to his forehead, halo his tired eyes… a small smile on his face. 

Higgs looks down at his lips, closing his own mouth that had been slightly open. He’s sure his face is red, and not just from the temperature of the water. Rosy lips framed by stubble… Higgs has an intense urge to bite. 

“Sam… I…”

Sam had leaned back into the spray of water, thoroughly coating what skin hadn’t already been drenched. God, he looked good… Sam runs fingers through his hair, wiping water off his face. “Hm?”

“...” Higgs watches transfixed as he washes his face, trying to scrub the bone deep exhaustion from his skin. Grimacing as his hands move to his neck, wringing out a kink in sore muscles. “... I love you too,”

Higgs wanted to say he’s sorry, sorry for… fucking everything . He’ll never be able to make up the thousands— millions ?— of deaths he’s caused. And he-.. he knows it wasn’t entirely his fault, but he was still the one who caused it, whether the world was going to end or not. 

And now… this ? No one knows if Lou is alright, will ever grow up normal… of course she won’t... her body will be years ahead of her brain. 

What the fuck is wrong with him?

He can’t do anything right. 

“Hello?” Comes Sam’s rough voice as he taps on Higgs’ forehead, “anyone in there?”

“Uh… yeah… a lot s’just on my mind…”

“I can tell.” He turns around to grab the shampoo, “you’re usually much more touchy.” A bubbly lather quickly forms over Sam’s hair. 

Sam gasps, chuckles, as Higgs very suddenly presses up against his back. He narrowly avoids getting his face covered in the shampoo. His hands roam Sam’s muscular body… he feels so good under his hands. Strong muscle, no bullshit… that amazing scar on his belly…

Higgs trails his fingers along the scar, eyes closing as he commits the shape to memory… with his other hand he runs it up and down his torso, down between his legs, up his shoulders where his fingertips trail bubbles of shampoo and soap over his body. Over hard muscles, the valleys in between. 

“Higgs…” Sam starts. He’s got an odd tone to his voice… not angry, he’s not angry. Exhausted, content to be with Higgs, worry, concern, the afterscent of panic and adrenaline… it’s harder to smell him with the hot water and soaps taking up the little space between them. “We gotta get goin,”

Higgs reluctantly removes himself from Sam, beginning to clean himself, watches as the dried blood swirls down the drain. 

When they’re getting dressed, Higgs hears a knock at the door. “I’ll get it,” he says. 

By the time he walks out of the bedroom, down the hallway, through the living room, his heart is racing and he’s on the verge of sweating, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. He stands at the door for what feels like forever. Lifting his hand to the door knob takes all of his energy. He opens it. 

It’s—

…

“... a-Amelie?”

It’s— it’s her . Right fucking there. In person. On his- their doorstep. Red dress, blonde hair, remorseful eyes. 

“Higgs,” a smile sneaks onto her beautiful lips for a moment. “Can we talk?”

“I—“ his voice is stolen from him. His eyes are wide open but unseeing. She’s here ? Here, in the real world? Right in fucking front of him?

He can’t escape her… why would he ever think he could? She’s the most powerful goddamn thing, Higgs could never come close, could never escape her. 

“Uhh.. a-about… about what—?”

A hand suddenly grabs Higgs’ shoulder, nearly throwing him aside. He tumbles against the back of one of the couches. Sam! His Sam, coming to save him… He looks so angry, looks furious… at Higgs? No, He’s angry at Amelie…

Higgs can’t see Amelie at this angle, the door blocking her form. Sam’s grip on the door is white knuckled. 

“Amelie? What the fuck are you doing here?”

Higgs sinks to the floor, hugging his legs to his chest. 

“Sam! Please, I just want to talk to both of you.”

“And what ? Ruin our lives more? Fuck everything up? Start the extinction over again?”

He sounds so angry, like He’s on the verge of tears. Higgs can smell the pure fury emitting from Him. It’s a bitter sort of scent, fiery hot, unnatural coming from Him. 

Amelie stammers slightly, the silence between her words hurt. “Sam, please. I don’t want to upset either of you, I’m sorry…”

He can smell an incoming time fall storm… is it because of him again? Fuck ...

“Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it! Are you serious? Get the fuck off my porch. I don’t want to ever see you again.”

The conversation drowns out into background noise. He can hear their tones; His deep, grumbling words, Amelie’s lighter, softer words, but he can’t make any of them out. 

Wouldn’t want to either. 

Sam slams the door so hard, and it could’ve given Higgs a heart attack. It makes his breath hitch, tears nearly welling in his eyes. 

“Higgs?” A hand on his shoulder, in his hair grab his attention. He flinches away though he has nowhere to go. “...Higgs? Are you okay?” He looks so concerned… for Higgs? But why? He sniffles, only then realizing that tears had fallen down his cheeks. He wipes them away and grimaces when his fingers come back stained black. 

“Sorry…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” He stands up slowly, giving Higgs a chance to stop Him, to know that He won’t hurt Higgs. 

That’s not what I meant, Higgs thinks, eventually getting himself up. 

“Can you jump us there? You don’t have to if that’s too much work… we could always take the truck.”

“No, no that’s fine. Are you ready to go?”

Sam nods. He’s got his usual casual attire on; tank top and loose sweats. Higgs isn’t much different, only wearing a black turtleneck instead. 

Higgs steps forward to hold Sam’s hand, foreheads connecting softly for a moment before they jump together. Not a moment later, they’re standing outside of Deadman’s office. 

“Lou..!”

Sam more or less runs to Lou, who more or less tumbles off the table Deadman was examining her on. She catches herself, not used to having such long limbs, before falling to the ground where Sam meets her. She’s smiling, giggling as Sam squeezes her tightly. 

“We’ll have to watch her development as her skin and muscles have aged evenly, but her bones haven’t.” Explains Deadman. Lou is tangled in a white sheet. Sam had brought a tee that is obscenely huge on her, though it’s the only thing she could fit in. She immediately begins chewing on the collar of the shirt. It’s a dark blue, “Bridges” printed on the front. 

“Did— is she— is she okay Deadman?”

“Yes, actually! She’s miraculously healthy! I’ll have to examine her a little more, but it just seems like her brain and skeletal structure is underdeveloped. Everything else seems to have aged evenly.”

Higgs is still over by the door. He hasn’t crossed the threshold… he doesn’t feel welcome inside. Not only has he caused the damage Lou has caused, but he doesn’t even take care of her, has only hurt her…

Oh god… and if Fragile finds out? Oh god . Then everyone’s just going to think he’s turned on everyone again. 

The bright lights are blinding, the enclosed room suffocating. 

He leaves, aimlessly walking until he finds himself outside. Deadman’s office had been in the capital, and seeing all the old, barely used buildings seems to make everything worse. Higgs walks down the roads until he’s just outside the city. The time fall shield calls out his name when he crosses over. 

He sits down in the green grass. It’s a nice day out, beautiful despite the vague warning of time fall nearby. There’s no clouds in the sky, no inverse rainbow. He shivers softly despite the low breeze. He pulls his knees up toward his chest, hugging his legs. His head falls down against his arms. 

Higgs wants to run away, jump to his beach and cut any contact with anyone… he should’ve stayed there, should’ve asked— begged Fragile to shoot him. He’s ruined everything he’s touched, everyone fucking hates him for good reason. 

His breath hitches, hot tears falling from his eyes. 

What’s stopping him from leaving now? Everyone would do better without him, without his stupid goddamn abilities. What the fuck was wrong with him to have agreed Amelie‘s offer? He had anything he could’ve asked for back then, and then he had to go and fuck up everyone’s lives. 

His body trembles with a sob, emotions so intense they’re painful. 

He doesn’t hear the flurry of chiralium after a jump— of course, as it happened to be behind the field— but he does hear the sound of rocks and dirt crunching under time fall resistant boots. 

He doesn’t look up until a voice speaks up, the steps stopping right next to him. 

“Higgs? What are you doing here?”

Higgs flinches, raising his head quickly. “Fragile?” She twirls her umbrella against her shoulder. He’s sure she can see his tear-streaked, panicked face. His heart races, mind going a mile a minute. She’s here to kill me this is where I end she’s going to jump us to a beach and beat the shit out of me and leave me again—

“Where’s Sam?” She kneels down, a hand reaching out, inches from his arm. 

And Higgs fucking sobs .

Deadman had done a few more tests, just basic ones so far as to see the level of progression had happened. 

“Lou,” Deadman calls. He’s got a tablet that he’s been tapping away at for the past hour or so. “Can you say something for me? Anything will do.”

She removes a bit of the shirt she’s been gnawing on. “Haphhnabababa,” she giggles like it’s the funniest thing she’s heard. Deadman looks thoughtful and continues tapping at the tablet. “Bb—bapa! Papa,”

Sam shoots up, having begun snoozing off on a chair. He looks as if he’d thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but Lou focuses her ever-wandering gaze on Sam. “Papaaaa!” She reaches her hands out. She wiggles as if she’d wanted to hop off the table. Sam hugs her tightly again, nearly running into Deadman who stepped to the side. She kicks her legs, looking up at Sam with her big eyes. 

Deadman leans forward after Sam pulls back slightly. “Okay Lou, can you open your mouth for me? Say ‘ahhh’ ,”

She blows a raspberry, sticking her tongue out and puffing her cheeks up. 

“Cmon Louise, we have to make sure you’re healthy.” Sam speaks softly. 

“I am,” Lou pouts, causing Sam to nearly cry. His little baby is growing up… even with the help of time fall, it’s the best thing Sam thinks he’s ever seen. Both Deadman and Lou look worried for a moment at Sam’s reaction, leading Lou to follow Deadman’s command. 

Deadman carefully sticks a finger in her mouth, the child not hiding her disgust. He makes it quick, swiping the pad of his thumb over her gums. 

“It seems like her teeth are growing in alright. Already most have emerged and seem to be almost done growing. I’m not a dentist, so you might want to see if there’s one that can look at her.” Deadman turns away to get something else from another table. “Well… I’m not a pediatrician anyway, but I don’t think there’s any of those nearby,”

“Just one last thing after this for now, Lou. Can you write or draw something on this?” He hands her a clipboard and a pen. She takes the clipboard with both hands, setting it on her lap, before taking the pen. She holds it in her right hand, then her left, back to her right, each time fumbling with how to hold it. She holds it out to Sam with a furrow in her brows. 

“You want me to show you?” Sam takes it, making sure she watches as he slowly adjusts his fingers around the pen. She takes the pen back, still fumbling with holding it, in her right hand and scribbles shapes onto the paper. They take up a fair bit of the surface, but the lines are fairly smooth and concise. 

“Interesting… now with your left hand?”

It takes her a moment to place her fingers right, but the shapes and lines she draws are just as well done. 

“Good job, Louise! I’m so proud of you!”

Her face lights up seeing both Sam and Deadman’s proud smiles. Sam pets the soft golden hair on her head. It’s just past shoulder length with soft waves to it. Her eyes sparkle in the light. 

“Okay, okay, one more thing for now. Sam, could you step back a bit?” He points to a few feet away. Once Sam steps away, Lou immediately loses her smile, pouting again as she reaches out to him. Deadman helps her down, helping her stay up until she breaks away. 

But she walks , just barely. She stumbles halfway to Sam, falling to her knees and then gets back up! Sam is on the verge of tears by the time she tumbles against him. “Lou! Oh Louise! I love you Lou.”

“It seems like she’s healthy! I would like to perform a few more tests on her, if I can get your permission? At some point I’d like to do a CT scan or an MRI, though that can be in the future… I’d mostly like to see how well she does with learning.”

While Deadman usually examines dead bodies, he seems quite in his element here, Sam thinks. “Yeah, sure. I’ve got no other deliveries to do. I’m sure—“ he looks around the room, “where’s Higgs?”

“Higgs, Higgs! Please calm down; I— everything’s okay—“

“ It’s not!! ” Higgs wails, his grip tightening on her wrists. He’s on his knees in the grassy dirt, face a mess of tears, smeared makeup and snot. He rambles on and on about how he’d killed one of his old men which caused a time fall storm and Lou was trapped under it so she aged, but is she really okay ? The same thing happened to Fragile and Higgs managed to fuck everything up for her and…

Fragile manages to free a hand from Higgs’ bruising grip, drawing back to slap him across the face. That shuts him up real quick, his head slowly turning back to her, eyes wide with a red handprint slowly appearing. 

“I… uh…”

She frees her other hand, trying not to seem too distasteful when she smacks his hand away. “ Okay… now. Tell me what happened— slowly .”

Higgs exhales the breath he’d been holding in. Ever so calm… Higgs couldn’t count the times Fragile had been able to calm him down. From the first time she’d met him— Fragile had been one of the first people to meet Higgs since he’d killed his Daddy— to when the stress of having his own company became too much. She had only given up on him when he gave up on himself. 

He sits back, clearing his throat and sniffling. Moments later after making himself look as decent as possible, he finds the two of them sitting in the grass together. 

“Okay, so— fuck…” he thinks over the story. It’s so stupid, sounds fucking made up. Yet it’s causing Higgs so much stress and— it has to be causing Sam even more… Lou is his child…

“I… I don’t even remember how it started… found out I could jump again, uh… after… killing one of the Homo demens.”

“You— what? Why?” She plays with strands of grass. 

“He tried to kill me first… I don’t even know why I was there ,” he growls at himself. If he hadn’t just been wandering around. “So, I had accidentally started a time fall storm, and I jump home— cuz why would I walk?— and— and Lou had been caught… in the rain…”

Higgs can’t bear to look at her face, can’t bear to see the anger, disappointment, disgust on her face…

“Oh… Higgs… I’m so sorry…”

She places a hand on his shoulder, leading him to flinch hard. But… nothing comes, no pain, no disappointment… 

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose right? You didn’t know you could do it, or that she was out?”

“Fuck no! I’d never hurt her!” It could’ve been so much worse, Higgs realizes. He could’ve killed her, or— or…

“Then it wasn’t your fault. And I know you’re gonna be worried about Sam and Lou, but I’m sure- I’m positive he isn’t angry at you.” Fragile smiles

“But—“

“Was he angry?”

“... no…”

“Did he yell at you?”

“... no,”

“Then he’s not angry. You would’ve been a lot more upset if he was,” her smile widens. Higgs chuckles dryly, head hanging. Damn her… after all these years, she still knew him so well. 

Higgs drags a hand down his face. “... ‘m sorry…”

“I’m not the one to say sorry to.”

“Not what I meant,” he doesn’t look her in the eyes but he can tell she looks perplexed for a moment before understanding what he’s getting at. “I— sorry doesn’t begin to cover it, or make anything up but… I’m sorry. I can never forgive myself for what I’ve done.” He looks up, finally meeting her eyes. 

Fragile walks into Deadman’s office, Higgs in tow. If Sam wasn’t so exhausted he’d laugh at the ridiculous height difference in the two. Higgs always looks like a giant with his long, lanky legs of his. 

Lou takes notice immediately. She manages to get on her two feet —all by herself no less!— leaving Deadman and his color coded card he’d been testing her with, and runs toward Higgs. 

“M-mama!!”

Sam can tell that Fragile thought Lou had meant her, Higgs completely clueless, before she runs right past her and hugs Higgs’ legs, jumping in excitement. “Mama, mama mamaaaaaa ,” she sounds the syllables out.

“I— Lou-? She can talk ??” Higgs exclaims at the same time Fragile says, “she can talk ???” Higgs kneels down to pick her up, letting Lou wrap her hands around his neck. Higgs lets her hang there for a moment before squeezing her close to him. 

“Wow… she looks just like a normal child…” Fragile notes. “She was so tiny when I’d last seen her! Oh my,” she pokes the child’s side, easily making her giggle and squirm half-heartedly away. “And… would I be… aunt Fragile? If you’re mom?” A wide smile appears on her face, the corners of her eyes crinkling. 

“Auntie f-ff-fwagiwe!” Lou gets out. She seems like she's on a mission to say as many words as she can. 

Deadman stands up, collecting the cards that Lou had tossed everywhere. “She does look normal! And she should grow up just fine; she might just be… a bit delayed.” He claps a hand on Sam’s shoulder. 

“But that’s just… learning and development right? Nothing bad?” Higgs asks, voice small. Sam suddenly has an overwhelming urge to kiss him… he’s so cute.  

“We will have to just wait and see. I can only determine so much from the testing I’ve done, but it seems like she’s doing just fine!”

Fuck… Higgs could’ve cried right then, if he had any tears to shed. He hugs Lou, squeezing her as hard as he dares. “Fuck… I’m sorry little Lou… Sam…”

“Don’t cuss around her,” Sam chastises, though there’s no anger in his voice. He wraps his arms around the two of them, never feeling more at home. 

“Let’s go home, yeah?”

So they go home. 

And nothing happens. Nothing bad, anyway… there’s a few hitches and bumps between them, but it’s alright. 

Higgs snakes himself into Sam’s arms, Low Roar playing in the background as they stand in the kitchen. 

Lou grows just fine, it seems, by a few months later. Deadman does some more work on her and everything comes back clear. Sam and Higgs show her off— after getting her better clothes and a temporary time fall-proof porting outfit; she’s technically not allowed to port until she’s an adult, but she can still trek with them— Heartman almost goes into an early cardiac arrest, Lockne (or, as Lou calls them, Lockma) squeals with happiness, Cliff and Die-Hardman nearly kill Higgs… But it was all understandable… everyone’s just fine now, and Higgs would do anything to ensure it stays that way. 

When they'd first gotten home, there was a BT cat laying at their doorstep. At first Higgs had thought it was Mekal, that Higgs’ stress had shrunken him back down. But it wasn’t. As they walk closer it lifts its head, it’s mask was different, a chiralium skull of some prehistoric feline— Higgs only knows that from Heartman, of course— with ram-like horns. It trills noticing Higgs, jingling a bell on a collar around its neck, the fibers red as blood. 

A sort of last apology. 

He names her Khnum. Mekal wasn’t too pleased to not be the center of attention. 

Higgs hums along to the song that’s playing, gently swaying Sam along with him… he should learn how to dance, he wants to be able to dip Sam. “Sammy… I love you,”

“I love you too, Higgs.” He kisses Higgs, slow and passionate as he entwines their fingers together. Their matching rings glint in the low light.