Archive of Our Own ^beta

Dear God Bucky was gorgeous, looking up at Tony all trusting and adoring. Tony had no idea how he got so lucky to have this - to have his lover - but he wasn't complaining. Not now, at least. Not when Bucky was so dependent on his guidance, not when Bucky trusted him to be in control and in command.

"You're doing great, sweetheart," he murmured, reaching out and cupping Bucky's jaw tenderly in one hand, while the other held the leash steadily.  Bucky smiled at him, but didn't answer, not like Tony expected him to. His lover was quiet in these occasions unless ordered otherwise. But this session was about enjoyment, not about pushing boundaries.

And it worked beautifully.

Bucky's shoulders were low, his posture relaxed even while he held himself straight in his bonds. They both needed this after their stressful last mission.

Bucky was on his knees, in nothing but boxer briefs, sitting on his heels in what would've been uncomfortable for Tony's ankle, but the soldier loved it. His arms were behind his back, forearms snug. Tony made sure that the metal arm was on top of the flesh one, so that the flesh shoulder would get less strain being the lower one. Bucky could relax his muscles, both the real and the artificial ones, as the ropes held his arms in position.

Tony let go of Bucky's jaw and stepped behind his boyfriend, examining his handiwork. Bucky turned his head, following Tony's movements from the corner of his eyes as much as he could - not because he was worried, but because he was ordered to keep his eyes on Tony. 

The center of the tie was in the center of Bucky's back, and the pattern of the ropes formed a neat spiderweb. The nine spokes were made of hot rod red while a bright reactor-blue addition went in its spiraling way among them, making the web pattern complete. One of the spokes running vertically down held most of the weight of Bucky's arm, while two others diagonally made sure that his hands were held in place, just like the ones going horizontally to the side pinned his arms to his torso.

It was a comfortable tie, and not an overly restraining one. Just enough to give Bucky peace of mind. Just enough that Tony could relish in the beauty of it, in the simple art of giving Bucky exactly what both of them needed desperately.

Tony loved this - loved being Bucky's Dom and rigger, loved that Bucky trusted him with control after everything he's been through. And Bucky loved it, loved to relax and let go. Making decisions, being 'his own handler' all the time was too tiring, too much energy, and he needed the rest and release from it.

Sometimes it was sexual, too, but most of the time it wasn’t. Just sensual, just intimate, just… them.

Like now.

Bucky could've trusted Steve with the position. Tony knew. He also knew that Steve wouldn't refuse it, all too eager to give everything that Bucky needed. Steve was a natural commander, born to be in control of others, and he'd do a fine job of being a Dominant to anyone who needed that from him. But Steve wouldn't have enjoyed it the way Tony enjoyed it. To Steve, it would've been business as usual, while Tony got something special from this arrangement, too. Between the two of them, it wasn't only Bucky who needed this power exchange.

Tony tugged a few of the ropes, moving them a few millimetres left or right, for the complete symmetry. He liked when his ties were perfect. He liked when he was able to create something beautiful while also achieving a much needed goal.

Tony put his hand on the back of Bucky's head, and gently turned his head. "Enough of looking at me, darling," he said, as he snapped his fingers. The panel of the wall in front of them turned opaque, then reflective, until it was a mirror image of them. Tony looked Bucky in the eye through it. "Look how beautiful you are." It took Bucky a few seconds to obey, to turn his eyes from Tony's in the mirror and to direct his focus to his own body, the bonds he was in.

A small smile spread on Bucky's lips, dreamy and content. "You always make nice things for me," he whispered, eyes raking over the ropes. The tie was just as orderly from the front with diamond shaped patterns, knots framing Bucky's pecs, sitting in the dip above his collarbones and on his stomach. The ropes had bitten into the muscle of Bucky's right arm, and Tony knew for sure that there'd be pretty marks left later.

He stood right behind Bucky, close enough to touch, and Bucky leaned back slightly. Tony slipped his feet a bit to balance himself better and be able to hold the weight of his beefy boyfriend, while he leaned forward and traced his fingers over the ropes, checking the tightness of each strand. He also raked his nails over the weave of the ropes here and there, and Bucky shuddered every time.

"No, sweetheart," Tony corrected, "you're beautiful, and I sometimes manage to match something to that. But I'm talking about you, not the tie." Bucky blushed. It was one of the signs that he was close to subspace - outside of them playing, Bucky never blushed, but his self-control was out of the window whenever Tony tied him up and took him down into that floaty mindset.

Bucky let his head loll back, and closed his eyes. "If you say so."

"Well, I'm not above to admit that the tie is nice, but of course it is since I've made it," Tony smirked and caressed the length of Bucky's neck, the tendons stretched with the position. Bucky's head bobbed as he had to swallow. "But you haven't seen the full picture of it yet," he added, smirking.

Bucky's eyes opened, face in a confused frown. "I haven't?"

"Nope," Tony popped the P in the confirmation, and gently pulled the leash forward for Bucky to sit up so he could step away.  The bell on Bucky's collar tingled softly as he did.

"Wanna put more ropes on me? Tuss me up like a Thanksgiving turkey?" Bucky teased, but without any edge to the words. His bantering with Tony was very different than his bantering with Steve - more tame, if that was even a thing.

"Not quite," Tony ran his fingers through Bucky's hair, and Bucky quietly hummed in pleasure. "You're beautiful, but I think I can boost that up a bit with this effect. Jarvis, lights."

At cue, the lights of the room started to fade, and different ones kicked up. Bucky blinked, until he understood that the normal lights were turned down and the new ones were UV lamps.

Bucky's ropes and his eyes and face started to shine under them.

The ropes were specially designed by Tony - they were strong enough that Bucky couldn't break free of them easily, unless he very much wanted to, and Tony had a special cutter tool in his pant pocket as safety scissors, because normal ones wouldn't even chafe the core of the ropes. And as a bit more extra, Tony ordered UV-luminous dye, so that he could see his lover like this. Glowing in the dark, the soft luminescence highlighting his muscles.

Bucky was always beautiful, but this? This took Tony's breath away, the blue of the spiderweb matched the light of the ARC-reactor in his chest almost the exact shade, and...

"Tony," Bucky said, very quietly, and his voice wasn't pleased. No, it was distressed, and Tony looked up at him in the mirror, confused.

His eyes met Bucky's, and Bucky's face was covered in luminous spots and dots. Tony stared at the picture for a moment, confused.

Realization hit him.

Oh fuck.

They had a mission. They fought, and yes, of course they had a shower afterwards, and Bucky washed his face, too - the only part of him that wasn't covered by his new Avengers uniform - but UV light showed the traces of blood left on his skin.

Fuck.

Bucky's eyes were huge, the white of them shining under the UV light like of a frightened horse's, and Tony wanted to curse himself for not thinking of this beforehand. He shouldn't have picked the UV ropes for a scene right after a mission - it was careless of him - but he thought it would be a nice bonus, a little something to enjoy. Bucky always liked the flair Tony added to their scenes so often.

"Tony," Bucky said again, and now he wasn't only distressed, he almost sounded afraid. Tony realized that he forgot to answer to him, the realization got his tongue, and now he hurried to correct his mistake.

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay, don't worry."

"That's the blood. That's blood on my face." Bucky started at himself in the mirror. "I washed up but it's still there?"

"No," Tony gritted out, and put one hand in front of Bucky's eyes to block the view, while he waved with the other one for Jarvis. The mirror disappeared, and Tony stepped in front of James instead, kneeling down to be roughly at eye level with his lover. "It's okay. Baby, it's okay, nothing happened. It's gone," he tried.

Bucky looked over Tony's shoulder, and chewed his lower lip when he couldn't see the mirror anymore. He didn't seem convinced, and Tony's mind whirred for a solution.

"Would it be okay to be left alone for a minute, sweetheart?"

Bucky tore his eyes from the wall panel where the mirror had been, and refocused on Tony. The room was still mostly dark, the ropes and Tony's reactor shining only. Tony could still see the mark of the blood droplets on Bucky's face, but he forced himself not to look at them, only stare into his lover's eyes.

After a moment's consideration, Bucky slowly shook his head. "Don't leave me alone," he asked.

"Then you'll come with me," Tony decided without hesitation. "Jarv, lights."

*

Tony made sure to help Bucky on his feet, and held his forearm while they made their way to the bathroom. It was basic etiquette - if Bucky were to trip, it would be Tony's responsibility to not let him fall straight on his face, since he couldn't use his hands either to balance or to stop his fall.

Not like Bucky would trip. He was graceful even when disoriented, and Tony sometimes was jealous of this ability, until he reminded himself why it was and how Bucky got that much practice on hiding his weaknesses.

Tony didn't haste them, and once in the bathroom, he grabbed a bowl from the cabinet under the sink and a body sponge from the edge of the bathtub. He made Bucky kneel on the soft bathroom carpet while he ran warm water into the bowl.

"Talk to me, darling. What was it that started you so badly?"

The little interruption and the change of the scenery was apparently enough for Bucky to prepare for the inevitable question, because he answered, even though he hung his head in shame and to hide his face behind his hair falling ahead.

"The blood," he confessed, soft and quiet and unsure. "I... I thought I washed it away. And then I saw it on my face. It..." he trailed off, unable to finish.

"It felt like you'll never get rid of it?" Tony helped. He was good with words, and sometimes Bucky appreciated this kind of interruption.

His lover nodded, confirming what Tony had thought already, and Tony stepped in front of Bucky, putting the bowl down.

"Sweetheart, it's okay to get bad thoughts. But those are just that: thoughts," he started, sinking the sponge in the water and wringing the abundance out. "Sometimes it feels like our mistakes will haunt us forever. That we can't get rid of them." He put the sponge on Bucky's cheek and started to gently rub, also effectively stopping any interruptions. "But that's not true." One hand on Bucky's flesh shoulder, he kept up the scrubbing, gentle but firm, just like his voice as he talked. "I know, because I've been wondering the same things as you. I kept seeing the blood on my hands, and wasn't sure if I'll ever be able to wash it away."

"You're not--" Bucky tried to interrupt, but Tony quickly put the sponge over his lips.

"Hush. You wanna say that I've redeemed myself? Well, in that case, the same courtesy goes to you as well. You have even less reason to feel guilty than I do. You were forced to do bad things. I did them on my own."

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, and slowly moved his head left and right, not exactly shaking, but not agreeing either. 

Tony leaned forward, and put a gentle kiss on his lover's cheek, now red from the scrubbing with the sponge. "Don't try to argue with me when I'm right, sweetheart," he added, more stern this time, and Bucky's motion stopped. "And, you know... even if you can't forgive yourself just yet..." He leaned forward, and pressed a kiss on his left shoulder now - not to the scars where metal and flesh met, like he often did, but right to the slowly shifting plates of the arm. "We forgive you, Bucky." He peppered small kisses on the arm until he reached the center of the red star, and pushed his lips against it. "I forgive you."

Bucky didn't answer verbally, just pushed himself more snuggly against Tony, and Tony held him until Bucky's posture became relaxed again. He kept washing Bucky, until the check with the UV light confirmed that he managed to remove all the last remnants of the blood from his face, even though it meant that Bucky's skin was all red and raw from the scrubbing, but he didn't seem to mind, quite the opposite.

"Thank you, Tony," he said, very quietly, when Tony announced that he was as clean as a baby, and he smiled, the hurt gone from his expression. It was replaced with the same adoration as before their scene gone off the rails, and Tony had to smile back, bright and happy.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Always," he reassured.

They stayed there in the bathroom for a while, Bucky enjoying Tony’s small touches and caresses and Tony enjoying the way he was able to take care of his boyfriend. Their scenes rarely went wrong nowadays, but when it happened, they needed the extra amount of intimacy to make up for it.

When Tony got tired of sitting on the floor, he started to untie Bucky, the ropes coming off weave after weave, and covering the bathroom floor.

“It still surprises me how much rope you need,” Bucky chuckled, leaning into the touches as Tony’s practiced finger untied one knot after the other.

“That’s because you’re so fucking beefy,” Tony teased, and Bucky laughed.

“Admit it, you love it.”

“Of course I do. Healthy and happy is a good look on you,” Tony said, remembering for a moment the time when Bucky arrived to the Tower, a good fifty pounds lighter than he was now.

Bucky arched his back and kissed Tony on the face. “It’s all because of you.” And Tony knew Bucky meant all of them, the team, Steve, being free, everything, but he also meant exclusively Tony. He meant their relationship, sometimes hard, oftentimes not; the way they learned to love themselves through loving the other.

He didn’t know how to answer, so he didn’t, just dropped the last of the rope on the floor, making a mental note to clean up and put the tangled mess away properly tomorrow, then let his boyfriend to the bedroom for more cuddle, this time in the comfort of their bed.

Bucky curled up around Tony, his chest pressed smugly to Tony’s back, and his breathing tickled Tony’s nape and ear just enough to remind him who it was who hugged him this tightly.

“Tony,” Bucky murmured, sleepily, “I hope you know that it goes both way.”

Tony wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it out loud, but he owed it to Bucky - and he owed it to himself as well - to ask, “what?”

Bucky kissed the side of his neck. “You are forgiven, too. I forgive you.”

Tony sighed, content and comfortable, and fell asleep in the arms of his lover.