Archive of Our Own ^beta

“What would happen if I light my hair on fire and don’t put it out?” Remus asked, throwing a rubber ball up into the air from where he was laying on the floor.

“No Remus.” His boyfriends said at the same time, not bothering to look over at him from where they were sprawled out on the couches.

Remus frowned and caught the ball, staying silent. Though they all knew the silence wouldn’t last forever. No, it would be broken again as soon as Remus came up with another hypothetical scenario that he wanted to go through with in real life.

Janus was barely registering what the idea was before he vetoed it, too tired to care at the moment. Finals had just ended that day and they were all exhausted, mentally and emotionally. The only reason why they weren’t cuddling on their bad and taking a well-deserved nap was because of their mustache-clad boyfriend. Remus couldn’t unwind through normal means of relaxation. In fact, he usually needed to squirm around more when he was exhausted. And since Janus and Logan were too tired to move but didn’t want to go to bed without their boyfriend, they decided to lay on the couches while Remus threw a ball up and down on the floor. They were currently waiting for the repetitive motion to relax Remus to the point where he could finally get some sleep, but with how stressful the finals were, that probably wouldn’t be for a while.

“I wonder what deodorant tastes like?” Remus asked, throwing the ball up. Logan droned on with his standard ‘no Remus’ but Janus paused, looking over at Remus. Maybe it was the exhaustion getting to him. Maybe it was him subconsciously knowing that Remus wasn’t going to relax until he had more ‘mental stimulation.’ Maybe it was the fact that Remus had (supposedly) ate soap and didn’t get sick. But the maybes didn’t matter at the moment, as Janus opened his mouth and for the first time in the past hour he said something other than ‘no Remus.’

“Why the hell not.” Remus looked up at him, forgetting to catch the ball and letting it land on his chest without any acknowledgment. Janus sighed. “No actual eating, just a lick so you know what it tastes like without getting sick. Then you won’t be tempted to eat it again.”

Remus grinned excitedly, bouncing up to go grab some deodorant, when Logan spoke up. “Remus Knightly, if take one step towards that bathroom, I’ll break up with you this instant.”

Remus seemed to visibly deflate and Janus looked over at their glasses-wearing boyfriend. “Come on Logan, let him live a little.”

Logan sighed, closing his book with a quiet snap. “If by ‘let him live’ you mean ‘let him eat a potentially dangerous substance that has touched our armpits every day for weeks now and is most likely coated in bacteria,’ then I refuse.” He sat up, straightening his tie. “First we’re going to look up if any of the common ingredients in deodorant are lethal for humans to consume, and if we can find an organic version online that is less dangerous for Remus to lick. If we cannot, then we are at least going to go and buy a new stick of deodorant so Remus isn’t licking the festering bacteria on ours.”

Remus grinned and ran to their bedroom to grab his laptop. Janus smirked over at Logan, who was smiling softly at Remus. Sometimes Janus forgot that his nerdy boyfriend had almost just as many obscure science-related questions as Remus. Sometimes he forgot that Janus wasn’t the only one who cared about Remus. Sometimes he forgot that there were ways he could help Remus beyond just telling him ‘no’ or letting him run wild.

But Logan was always there to remind him, so it was okay if he forgot every once and a while.