Archive of Our Own ^beta

As Amethyst passed through the kitchen, on her way to clear out the fridge (how it would be refilled not occurring to her) she noticed something.

“...Pearl? Are you okay? You’ve been staring at your phone a lot lately.”

And Amethyst hadn’t really thought about it at first, but Pearl staring at her phone for at least half an hour every night for... a while.

That wasn’t a good sign. Probably. 

The white-headed sometimes-obsessive gem spun to her, relief on her face. “Amethyst! Oh, thank goodness! Has Steven called you?!” 

“Uh, no. Why? He’s a big kid, he can handle himself, whatever he’s doing.”

Pearl’s look grew fearful. “But - Amethyst, how long has it been since he’s called you!? He left three months ago, and he hasn’t called me since! ”

Halfway across the country, far from Beach City, two young adults sat on the roof of a Dondai that was sequestered to the side of the road, gazing out across a vast and open countryside from the side of the road, with a pink lion sleeping in front of the car’s dashboard.

Well, Steven Universe was gazing at the countryside.

Connie Maheswaran was gazing at his phone, which laid behind her on the car dashboard.

“Steven… you should call them.”

Steven sighed.

“Steven… Dr. Brooks said-”

“I KNOW, Connie!” 

A second after Steven’s outburst, he winced, before taking a rapid look at his skin.

Sure enough, it was pink.

But instead of panicking - or waving it off, like he would have several months ago - he sighed, and started inhaling.

Sure enough, a minute later it had faded away entirely.

“I just… I can’t, yet. Okay?” Steven sighed. “I just… I’m not ready yet.”

“...okay. Sorry for pushing you.” Connie sighed. “And I get why you’re upset, it definitely took me a while before I really trusted my mom and dad again after they finally gave me more room, but...”

“Everyone’s been telling me I need to put myself first, now.”

Connie blinked, but didn’t interrupt Steven. After a several-second long pause, though, it was clear he wasn’t going to keep speaking. She took that as her cue to fill in the void. “So… why don’t you want to talk to them?”

Steven was quiet. Then, he sighed.

“I just… they haven’t apologized yet.” 

Connie, almost immediately, understood. But Steven kept speaking - she’d unstopped the dam.

“And - they never apologized! After everything that happened - ditching me, never letting me have a normal life, always putting all their problems on me - they never said anything! They - as far as I can tell, they just regret things because of how I reacted! They never said sorry for making me feel that way in the first place! ”

“Steven! Pink!”

Recognizing immediately what Connie meant, Steven scowled. 

And this time, he didn’t start breathing in.

This time, he jumped out into the field.

And a second later, Connie heard - and felt - him start screaming.

She winced. But she got up on the hood, and stared directly at her boyfriend as he screamed into the plains.

Screams of old pain. Of anger. Of long-suppressed hurts that still hurt and hadn’t ever truly been addressed by the people who hurt him.

A few minutes later, Steven walked back to the car. Several hundred meters away, his screaming had cracked the ground in a twenty-meter radius. Steven - who wasn’t pink now - just sighed and exhaled. If Connie had to guess, his screaming had drained away his fury.

“Are you feeling like you can stay calm now?”

Steven didn’t nod. He just sat down next to her, and then started talking. “Connie… is it okay if I don’t want to forgive them yet?”

Connie spent a few seconds thinking before she replied. “...From what you told me, Doctor Brooks just wants you to start talking to them again.” Steven’s wince let Connie know what he thought of that. “But… that’s only if you think you’re ready to start talking to them again. Do you want my personal opinion? I’m not a therapist.”

Steven’s hug was almost entirely expected. “...You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. That means a lot more.”

Connie took this as a cue to hug back, and all but sink into her boyfriend’s body. After a few minutes spent cuddling, she finally replied. “Why don’t you want to forgive them yet?”

Steven sighed. 

“...they never said sorry.”

It was snowing outside. Steven was working on things for Little Homeschool.

And the Gems were expecting him to drop everything so that he could spend time with them.

Or at least, the “he” that they thought he was.

He’d been vegetarian for a while now, and they got him pepperoni?

They wanted… the… old him? They… didn’t like the new him?

Well, the new him was the him they needed to fix their problems! 

WHAT DID THEY WANT, THEN?!

Hours alone. Dad hadn’t come by, and he hadn't gone to see him...

Well, at least it had been a while since he’d had to spend days alone!

A Warp Pad flashing.

“Garnet!”

“Not now, Steven. I have to burn this.”

“Cool!” His phone came out - one of his ways of spending the day alone.

And then it was gone.

“I have to burn this too.”

One more thing he had to fill the hours, gone.

“What’s… school?”

“You’re sixteen years old and you’ve never been to the doctor?!”

“It’s perfect!” 

They were his only family, the only people who he really knew, and they had all spent at least half of their lives away from him - it really wasn’t.

Steven sighed as he gazed out at the sun, halfway between noon and sunset. “...They regret what happened to me. Not that they did it. And… if they say sorry, I’ll accept it. But… they haven’t yet. So… I’m not ready to forgive them yet.”

And if he was honest with himself… he wasn’t even sure that a genuine “sorry” would be enough, at this point.

“...okay.” Connie nodded, accepting Steven’s explanation. “You want to cuddle?”

Steven smiled. “Sure. And… thanks for understanding.”