Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

For the past several months, Harley Quinn had been having the time of her life. A little while ago, Harley was forced to leave Gotham city due to some circumstances beyond her control. Luckily for her she had several friends of hers to come with her. First there was Poison Ivy, her longtime friend and more recently her girlfriend. Then there was Selina Kyle, a good friend to both Harley and Ivy. Finally there was the newest addition to their group, one Margaret Pye, alias Magpie. Despite a little odd behaviour from her, she fit in with the girls just fine and Harley had accepted her into her friend group with open arms.

Over the past few months the girls had been to Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Mexico City, Berlin and Paris. They got into a bit of trouble along the way but managed to get out of it relatively unscathed.

Now, several months later, the four of them were making their grand return to Gotham City. Since the four of them were all known criminals, they couldn't exactly book a plane back. And they were a bit too short on cash to buy any fake passports. So they decided to return to Gotham by stowing away on a cargo ship.

They'd set up something of a small bedroom in the storage area of the ship and occasionally snuck up to steal from the kitchen. But after being at sea for so long, they'd finally reached the last day they had to be like that.

On this particular morning, Harley was up and about reading a book she'd brought with her while Selina was off gathering breakfast. Ivy was still fast asleep and Magpie was lying in a hammock, half paralyzed with sea sickness.

"Ugh… How much longer until we get to Gotham…" Magpie whimpered.

"Aww, does your tummy hurt again?" Harley looked up from her book.

"Yes…" Magpie groaned. "I hate sea travel…"

Harley closed her book and went over to Magpie's hammock. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No… Just leave me alone." Magpie sighed.

"Okay. Hope ya feel better." Harley nodded.

She returned to reading her book and a few minutes later, Selina returned to their hiding spot carrying a plastic bag with her.

"Hey girls, I have some stuff to eat." Selina said.

"Ooh, yay." Harley smiled.

Selina put down the bag and Harley began searching through it. Before Selina had a chance to enjoy any for herself she noticed Magpie in the hammock. So she went over there to check on her. "Hey Mags, you gonna be alright?"

"No… I hate everything right now…" Magpie groaned.

"Well don't you worry, we'll be back home soon." Selina kissed Magpie on the cheek.

Magpie blushed a little and kissed Selina back. "Thanks…" During their time together, Magpie and Selina had developed something of a romantic relationship. Magpie was a little shy about it but Selina was completely comfortable with it. "God I hope we get to land soon… I can't take any more of this."

"Just try to nap like Ivy's doing, it's how she deals with seas sickness." Selina said.

"I'll try…" Magpie nodded and closed her eyes.

Several hours later the boat had docked and the quartet of girls had stealthily departed from it. The smell of pollution and fish told them they were indeed at the Gotham harbour. They were finally home.

"Ah, good old Gotham! I never thought I'd miss ya!" Harley cheered, taking a deep breath. "I guess Dorothy was right, there's no place like home."

"Weren't you born in New York?" Selina pointed out.

"Home ain't where you're born, it's the place ya love most." Harley said. "And I sure as hell love this old town."

"Well Harls, let's get back to the old apartment then." Ivy smiled and put an arm around Harley. "I'm dying to sleep in my own bed again."

"Mmm, me too." Harley giggled. "Especially if I'll be snuggled up with you in that bed."

"We'll be doing a lot more than snuggling in bed." Ivy kissed Harley on the lips.

"Do you two have to talk abotu sex all the time?" Magpie sighed.

"What can I say, I'm just naturally horny." Harley giggled.

The two of them continued to flirt and joke with each other all the way home. They made it back to Ivy's apartment building. The smell of drywall and air fresheners never felt more comforting. Even the perpetual ball of stress Magpie felt a bit relieved being back there.

The four of them took the elevator up to Ivy's floor and were all preparing to relax, watch some TV and maybe order a pizza for dinner. Ivy went up to the door of her apartment and took out her key. However, things did not go according to plan. When Ivy went to go put in the key she found it wouldn't fit no matter how hard she forced it.

The girls noticed Ivy's struggling and it was Selina who first stepped in. "What's the matter Ivy? Have the wrong key?"

"Either that or my landlady changed the locks while we were away… I could've sworn we were sending her those rent payments…" Ivy muttered to herself. "Let me just check for the spare key." She bent over and looked under the doormat only to find nothing there. "Okay… I am going to have a few choice words for Jenna when I find her."

"Are you sure we haven't been evicted?" Magpie asked.

"If we have been, I'm going to be very pissed off." Ivy groaned. "Okay, I'm going to knock on this door and if someone answers it, I'm probably going to yell at them." Taking a deep breath, Ivy then knocked at the door firmly and waited a few moments.

About twenty seconds passed before the sound of the door unlocking from the inside was heard. The door slowly opened and on the other side was a woman with long dark hair and brown skin. "Oh, hello. I think you have the wrong address."

"No, we don't." Ivy's eyes narrowed at the stranger. "This is my apartment."

"How can it be your apartment? I've been living here for months." the woman said.

"And just who the hell are you?" Ivy crossed her arms.

"I'm Jaina Hudson. I own this building. And several others in the neighborhood. Who are you?" the woman said.

"You own- What?" Ivy paused for a moment. "What happened to Jenna?"

"Oh, Ms. Duffy? I bought this place from her a few months ago." Jaina shrugged. "Now if you'll excuse me I was about to take a bath." She began turning around and closing her door only for Ivy to lunge forward and grab her.

"Listen here you bitch, this is my house!" Ivy yelled.

"Um, Pamela, is this a good idea?" Magpie spoke up.

"Shut up!" Ivy snapped, gripping Jaina harder. "I am not going to take this.."

Jaina fished a small device out of her pocket and pressed a button on it several times. "No… You are going to take it. And I suggest you leave my building and never come back."

Mere moments later several tall muscular men in suits came over to the girls and grabbed them. Harley, Ivy and Selina allowed themselves to be escorted away peacefully but Ivy thrashed around.

"Bye now everyone, and please don't come back." Jaina waved to them.

"This is so humiliating…" Harley sighed.

"Let's just not cause a bigger scene than what's already happened." Selina whispered. "You girls can crash at my place until further notice."

"Good idea…" Magpie nodded.

About a minute later the girls had been carried out to the street by the goons Jaina had as security.

"Well… That was embarrassing." Ivy said. "What should we do now?"

"I say we go find Jenna and ask her what the hell happened." Harley replied.

"Good idea…" Ivy nodded. "This wasn't what I expected when I returned to Gotham."

"Jenna's carpentry place is in the neighborhood." Selina said. "Let's check for her there."

"She has a lot to answer for." Ivy snarled.

"Ives, c'mon, let's try to stay positive, okay?" Harley smiled at Ivy.

"I'll do my best, Harls…" Ivy sighed. "Sometimes it's difficult though."

From there the four women followed Selina down the street a few blocks to where she remembered Jenna having her shop. Sure enough, they found a humble storefront that said 'Duffy Carpentry' on a sign.

"Alright girls, here we are." Selina said.

"Jenna has a lot of questions to answer for." Ivy took the lead and entered the shop. She pushed through the front doors where she immediately saw her landlady, one Jenna Duffy standing behind a counter. Around the shop were many woodworking and furniture for sale. But Ivy didn't care about any of that. She just wanted to have a chat with Jenna.

It was then that Jenna saw Ivy approaching her. "Oh, hey girls! Man, it's been forever since I've seen you."

"Not the time for pleasantries, Duffy." Ivy stormed up to the counter and grabbed Jenna by the collar of her shirt. "Now, tell me, what happened to our apartment?"

"Ohh… Right, that…" Jenna trailed off. "Well, um, I was convinced to sell it off."

"And why was that?" Ivy began pulled Jenna across the counter.

Jenna nervously looked past Ivy. "L-look, I understand that you're angry. Come with me to the back room, girls. I can explain everything."

Ivy took a deep breath and finally let Jenna go. "Alright, you'd better."

Jenna nodded and hurried to the front of the store, turning off the open sign and locking up behind her. While she did that the other girls went behind the counter and into the back room of the store which served as both Jenna's carpentry workshop and her break room for when she wasn't out front. The girls found some chairs and a couch to seat themselves on.

Moments later Jenna entered the backroom and turned on some lights. "Okay, so, I just want to say I'm sorry that you don't have a house anymore. But just know, selling off the apartment wasn't my idea."

"Really? How so?" Ivy asked.

"Have you heard of a woman named Jaina Hudson? Dad's a diplomat, mom's an actress. Now she has a small stake in Gotham's real estate business." Jenna explained. "And, well, her and her goons sort of strong-armed me into selling the place."

"Yeah, we ran into her." Selina nodded. "She's living in what used to be Ivy's apartment. You know, the big one on the top floor."

"She had those goons you mentioned kick us out." Magpie remarked. "But jokes on them, I stole one of their shiny pins…" She took a small decorative pin and examined it.

"Wait a minute… Can I see that?" Jenna asked. She took a few steps closer to Magpie. "When Jaina was intimidating me into selling the place I noticed her security was wearing those strange pins. Couldn't figure out what they were though."

"No, it's my shiny…" Magpie held it close to her.

"Maggie, what did I tell you about being less possessive." Selina gently held Magpie's sarm.

"Fine…" Magpie gave the pin she'd taken to Jenna.

"Thanks. I'm just gonna take a look at this and I'll give it back." Jenna looked at the strangely shaped pin. It reminded her of an ink blot or some sort of symmetrical piece of abstract art.

Harley looked around a bit before speaking up. "So, uh, where do we live now? We don't have an apartment anymore."

"Well, I still have an apartment." Selina said. "I gave my landlord a call just before we got on the boat. You girls can stay with me. I've got a big bed and a couch that folds out into a bed. So we should be good."

"Good luck to you girls." Jenna nodded. "Let's keep in touch, okay? I like you a lot."

"Aww, thanks!" Harley giggled. "The feeling's mutual."

"No it's not." Ivy said.

"Well, for me it is." Harley shrugged.

***

After saying their goodbyes to Jenna, the girls made their way across town over to Selina's apartment. Unlike with Ivy, the key to her apartment worked just fine and they were able to get inside with no issue.

Selina sighed with relief as she entered and heard the happy mewling of several of her cats. A fluffy white furred cat approached her and Selina bent down to greet them. "Looks like Holly kept you all well fed again. Wonderful…" She pet the cat before turning around to face her friends. "So girls, make yourself at home. I'll run out to the store to stock up on groceries in a bit."

"Is there anywhere I can lie down?" Magpie asked. "I'm tired and just wanna melt into a puddle."

"You'll be sharing a bedroom with me, don't worry." Selina took Magpie by the hand. "C'mon, let's go."

Magpie let out a small, tired whine as Selina led her through the living room and into the bedroom. They got to Selina's bedroom where several cats were lying on the bed.

"Don't mind the cats." Selina smiled. "They're very friendly."

"Let's hope so." Magpie took off her shirt and pants, getting on the bed and getting under the covers.

"Hopefully you can get some rest." Selina kissed Magpie on the cheek and patted her on the head. "If you need me, I'll be in the shower."

Back out in the living room, Harley and Ivy were making themselves at home. They'd laid down on the couch together and were mindlessly flipping through the TV channels in the hopes of finding something good. The sun was beginning to set over the city so Harley was holding out until some late night TV came on.

"So Harls,, how does it feel to be back in Gotham?" Ivy held Harley by the hand.

"Real great… I mean, it was nice to take a vacation but gosh… Bein' back here feels like I finally got a part of my heart back." Harley sighed happily. "Sorry if that's too sentimental for ya, but it's true. I wanna go out to a hot dog stand and then hang out at the boardwalk. Gosh it's good to be home..."

"You're so sweet." Ivy held Harley's hand and gave her a squeeze. "I'm glad to be back too. As much as I say I hate humans and want plants to rule the world, the truth is I'm a person just like you. And being back home does feel good."

"Aww, you're super sweet too." Harley giggled and hugged Ivy close to her.

The two of them stayed up late together, watching TV and chatting until they both decided it was time to go to sleep and pulled out the fold-out bed. Hours passed through the night as they slept peacefully. But things changed at around 2AM. The girls were awoken by the sound of wind blowing in through an open window and boots walking across the floor.

Harley became fully conscious first and she saw something she didn't expect to see in Selina's living room. Standing in front of her was a pale skinned woman with equally white hair dressed in nothing but a white corset, matching thigh high boots and dress gloves, a pink thong and a domino mask with bunny ears attached.

"What the… Ah jeez am I having a wet dream?" Harley muttered.

"Afraid not, lovely." the scantily clad woman said, leaning against the TV.

By now Ivy was awake and saw the strangely dressed intruder. "Harley… Did you order a stripper to welcome us back?"

"I wish." Harley shook her head.

"Hello girls. You may call me the White Rabbit." the woman smirked. "I guess you could say I'm part of the welcoming committee."

Harley blinked the sleep out of her eyes and stood up. "Uh huh… Welcoming us where? Gotham? We've lived here for years. We're just comin' back."

"Maybe I wasn't clear. Welcoming committee was a euphemism." White Rabbit took a few steps closer to Harley. "I was sent here to give you a warning."

"Uh huh…" Harley chose to take a step back. "What kind of warning?"

"A warning to stay out of the way of my boss or very bad things will happen." White Rabbit replied.

"And who's your boss?" Harley asked.

"I'm not supposed to tell. My sister just gives me messages from him." White Rabbit shrugged. "But I do know that if you cross him, bad things will happen."

"Can you stop being such a cryptic bitch?" Ivy groaned, crossing her arms.

"Sorry sugar, it's my job." White Rabbit turned around which was when Harley noticed she had a fluffy bunny tail attached to the back of her thong. "Well, bye now." She hummed to herself and crawled out the open window she came in.

"Harley am I dreaming right now?" Ivy asked.

"Uh, no. I don't think so." Harley replied.

"Right… So did an underwear model just break into Selina's apartment to threaten us?"

"Yes. Yes, she did."

"Okay just checking. I'm going back to bed." Ivy lay back down on the couch-bed.

"Should we tell Mags and Selina about this?" Harley asked.

"In the morning…" Ivy muttered. "I'm too tired to deal with this shit right now."

"Fair enough…" Harley sighed and lay down as well. "Y'know… I'm startin' to realize why we took a break from Gotham."

Chapter Text

Harley's first night back in Gotham City had not been a good one. First she'd found out that Ivy's old apartment was no longer under her ownership. Then, after setting up shop at Selina's apartment, she was woken up in the middle of the night by a woman dressed in lingerie. Usually, this would be sexy. But in this case it was a little more disconcerting since this woman was making some vaguely threatening statements towards Harley.

When morning came, Harley decided it was probably a good idea to tell the other girls about what happened. Selina woke up before the other girls in the morning and had decided to put together some coffee and bacon for the girls when they woke up.

By the time she'd finished putting it all together, Harley, Ivy and Magpie were all awake and soon enough the four women were at the breakfast table eating together.

"So everyone, how did you sleep last night?" Selina asked after sipping on her coffee.

"Pretty well." Magpie remarked. "It was very cozy in your room…" She smiled at Selina.

"Mmm, thank you." Selina blew a kiss at Magpie.

"Um, me and Red had a less restful night." Harley spoke up. "It ain't cause the bed was uncomfortable though, that was fine."

"So what kept you up?" Selina asked.

"Well, not to panic you or anything, but some lady broke into the apartment last night." Harley explained. "She was dressed in her underwear. Called herself the White Rabbit. It was weird."

"What did she do?" Selina asked. "Should I be worried?"

"She kinda threatened us." Ivy explained. "Told us to stay out of the way of her boss. Of course, she didn't actually seem to know who her boss was."

"Well… I'll have to look into this." Selina said. "Thanks for letting me know about this. Whoever this White Rabbit character is, they seem like bad news."

From there the girls at their breakfast in relative silence, with only the occasional small talk. But when the girls were just about done with breakfast there came a knock at the door.

Magpie got up from the table and went to answer it. When she opened the door she saw Jenna Duffy, Ivy's old landlady, on the other side.

"Oh hey there!" Magpie smiled. "Do you have my pin back?"

"Um, yes." Jenna nodded. "I figured out some stuff about it too." She nervously looked around. "Can I come in? I'd like to explain things to you better."

"Yeah, sure." Magpie nodded and stepped to the side. "I think there's some coffee left for you to drink."

"I got a coffee on the way over here, but thanks." Jenna closed the door behind her and locked it.

"Oh, hello Jenna." Selina waved to her. "I wasn't expecting to see you here this morning."

"What brings you here exactly?" Ivy asked.

"Well, I found out what that weird pin Magpie stole means." Jenna said.

"Ooh, exciting." Harley giggled a little. "What's it mean?"

Jenna sat down at the table with the other girls. She placed the pin down on the table. "Well, um, I'm not sure you're gonna like it. The pin is meant to resemble the head of the Roman God, Janus. Do you girls know anything about Janus?"

"Not really. I don't really keep up with Roman gods." Ivy remarked.

"Well, I didn't know much about him either until I started doing research." Jenna said. "See, this is important, Janus was a god with two faces. One on the front, like most people, and then one on the back of his head."

"Wait a minute, are you saying Two-Face is connected to that lady who took over my apartment?" Ivy asked.

"Either him or Maxie Zeus. Maybe both." Jenna nodded. "You know, on the way over here I noticed a lot more guys wearing these pins. Whoever this pin is supposed to represent, I've got a feeling they've kinda taken over this neighborhood."

"Alright… Do you think this is connected to a lady running around dressed like a stripper?" Harley asked.

"Um, what?" Jenna stared at Harley for a moment.

"Last night, some lady dressed like a stripper broke into the apartment and kinda vaguely threatened me. It was weird." Harley said. "Called herself White Rabbit." She paused for a moment. "Say, you used to work with the Mad Hatter, right Jenna? Was there ever a White Rabbit in your gang?"

"No, we had a March Hare but never a White Rabbit." Jenna shook her head. "Do you think she's connected to this pin thing?"

"I dunno, maybe." Harley shrugged. "For now though, we definitely have one solid link. Jaina Hudson."

"Oh yeah, the bitch living in my apartment." Ivy crossed her arms.

"The guys with the pins were working for her, so she might be involved in all of this." Selina nodded along.

"Wanna go investigate then?" Magpie asked.

"You know I do!" Harley cheered. "You girls in?"

"Um, I'm out." Jenna quickly stood up. "I don't do this supervillain thing anymore."

"Well, I'm in." Ivy said.

"Same here." Selina nodded.

"Awesome, I'll go get things set up and we'll give Ms. Hudson a nice visit." Harley smirked. "Man, I still can't say it enough. It's good to be back!"

***

Throughout the rest of the day things proceeded mostly as normal. But when night fell the girls all got into their usual supervillain costumes and made their way across the neighborhood over to the apartment Jaina Hudson was staying at. The four of them ended up perched atop a building just across from it to see if they could observe things from the outside.

Selina looked at the place through some binoculars and tried to figure some things out. "Okay… Looks like Jaina's got some more of those goods guarding her place. She seems paranoid."

"Well she has good reason to be." Ivy remarked. "We are planning to break in."

"Seems to me the best infiltration point would be the balcony." Selina remarked. "She's got a guard stationed up there but he should be pretty easy to take out."

"What's the plan once we get in there exactly?" Magpie asked. "I wasn't totally clear on that."

"We interrogate her, find out what her role in all this is. Y'know, that kinda deal." Harley explained.

"So, think we're ready to infiltrate?" Ivy asked.

"Think so." Selina nodded. "She's a crooked real estate lady, how tough could she be?"

"Alrighty! Let's move in girls!" Harley cheered before pausing for a moment. "Um, how do we get to the balcony from here?"

"Leave that part to me." Selina took a device off her belt.

Ivy leaned in to inspect it and saw it had a Bat Symbol on it that had been sprayed over. "Did you steal that from Batman?"

"We hooked up one night and, well, I figured he had more of these at home and it looked like a useful tool to have." Selina held up the device in front of her. "See, what you do is you aim it and it creates a zipline for you. Pretty neat, right?"

"Awesome, let's do it!" Harley jumped up and down in excitement.

Selina gave a nod of affirmation and fired the zipline gun, sending two ropes of thick wire out the front and back of it until they both hooked into a wall. The man standing on Jaina's balcony immediately noticed it. Selina acted fast and slid down the zipline until she kicked the man in the face, knocking him into the wall and into unconsciousness. She gave the other girls a thumbs up and they slid down the line onto the balcony as well.

"Alright everyone, ready to move in?" Selina whispered. "We need to act fast and take out the guards."

"Right, let's go." Ivy nodded.

With that the four of them burst through the balcony doors and into the apartment proper. When they got into the apartment it was immediately clear that Jaina had done a lot of redecorating. The inside was clean and spotless with a very minimalist approach to design with abstract art hanging on the walls and a colour scheme consisting of mostly whites and blues.

"Huh… So this is what the place looks like when you clean it." Harley whispered to herself.

The four of them didn't have too much time to properly admire the apartment. They soon realized that Jaina Hudson was in the apartment's dining room eating dinner. She stared at them in complete shock for several moments before shouting. "Security! We have some trespassers that need to be dealt with!"

"Uh, hold on now we're just here to talk." Harley spoke up.

"Yeah, not talking to weirdos." Jaina shook her head as several men in suits entered the room.

"Alright fine, we'll do it the hard way then." Ivy sighed. "Let's go."

With that a fight broke out between Jaina's security team and the girls. Harley and her friends made short work of the goons. They weren't used to fighting people as acrobatic as the girls so with a few will placed kicks and hits they went down easily.

Seeing how easily her team was taken out Jaina sighed and stood up. "Do I have to do everything here myself?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out a delicate looking white glove.

Harley lunged at Jaina only for a sudden flash of light to emanate from her. She closed her eyes to shield herself from the blinding light. When the light faded standing right next to Jaina was the White Rabbit. With the two of them standing next to each other it became obvious that they were both identical. The main difference, despite White Rabbit being basically half naked, was how unnaturally pale White Rabbit was.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me, this is the boss you warned me about?" Harley sighed, gesturing at both Jaina and White Rabbit.

"No, silly." White Rabbit shook her head. "Jaina's more like… My sister."

"That's right, Rabbit." Jaina nodded. "And right now, I want my little sister to deal with these intruders."

"You got it!" White Rabbit leapt forward and gave Harley a swift kick in the chest, knocking her back.

With White Rabbit having made the first move the other girls spring into action. Selina got out her whip and attempted to use it on White Rabbit only for her to jump out of the way and roundhouse kick her in the side.

Ivy attempted to make a move next and attempted to bring a nearby houseplant to life only to find out that it was made of plastic. "Oh shit…" White Rabbit then hit Ivy in the gut before tripping her up.

While White Rabbit was preoccupied with fighting Ivy, Magpie attempted to sneak up on her. She slashed at White Rabbit with her clawed gloves and actually managed to cut her slightly, tearing through part of her corset.

"Oh! You naughty girl!" White Rabbit giggled and quickly turned around to punch Magpie in the face, knocking her down instantly. For such a lithe woman, she hit like a professional boxer.

All four girls were lying on the ground. Harley attempted to get up only to be kicked down again by White Rabbit. "Nice try!"

Jaina got closer to the girls and smirked. "Alright, have you learned your lesson?"

"Fuck you…" Ivy mumbled from the ground.

"Guess not." Jaina mockingly put a foot on top of Selina to keep her down. "Now girls, let's talk. Why are you here?"

"We… We have some questions for you." Harleuy said. She began to stand up only to have White Rabbit push her back down. "Hey!"

"I see… What kind of questions?" Jaina asked.

"Look, we found your pin." Magpie said. "We know those guys you hired aren't your typical hired muscle. So, either you work for some mob boss or you bought them off a mob boss."

"Hmm, you girls aren't as stupid as you look." Jaina smirked. "Tell you what, we don't have to be enemies. Get up and follow me, I'm going to take you to see somebody." She turned around and gestured for them to follow. "This way, c'mon…"

The girls began to stand up and White Rabbit gestured for them to follow her strange double. As they began leaving, Jaina glanced over at her injured and unconscious bodyguards. "Oh yeah, you're all fired by the way."

Several minutes later, the girls followed Jaina and White Rabbit down to the parking garage across the street where they got in a black SUV owned by Jaina. White Rabbit sat behind the wheel while Jaina got in the passenger seat and the girls managed to squeeze themselves in the back together.

"So, um, where are we going?" Harley asked. "If you're trying to kill us just know that we got you outnumbered."

"Please, I'm not stupid." Jaina shook her head. "I think you would be a very valuable addition to our team."

"I dunno… I don't really do team stuff." Harley shook her head. "Y'see, ever since me 'n Mistah J split off, I ain't a fan of being a subordinate."

"Don't worry, my boss treats his employees well. As long as they do good." Jaina said.

The rest of the car ride remained silent until they girls found themselves outside the Iceberg Lounge.

"Wait a minute, do you work for the Penguin?" Magpie asked.

"Oh, you'll see." Jaina replied.

White Rabbit stopped the car around the back and unlocked the doors. "I'll be waiting for you all back here. Good luck inside."

"Thank you." Jaina kissed her albino clone on the cheek and exited the car and motioned for Harley and the gang to follow her.

The girls exited the car and followed Jaina through the club's backdoor. From there, Jaina led them up several flights of stairs until they reached a set of double doors. "Alright girls, this is the place. Here is where my bosses are."

"Seriously, if this is a death trap, I'm gonna fucking kill you." Ivy said. "You don't have your freaky showgirl clone with you so you're pretty much helpless."

"Have a little faith, okay?" Jaina smirked as she opened the door. She turned to address whoever was in the room as she entered. "Sorry to intrude boys, but I've got some prospective new members of our fine organization."

As they entered the round room, they realized exactly who was in the office. There were three desks set up and in each desk sat a powerful person within Gotham's underworld. First was the one they'd expected to see, Oswald Cobblepot, the Penguin. He owned the Iceberg Lounge and despite his bizarre fixation of birds was likely the sanest person in the room.

The next person of note was Harvey Dent, alias Two-Face. Former Gotham City district attorney, Mr. Dent had gone insane after troubles with work came to a head when a man he was prosecuting scarred him with acid in court. Now, Dent's split personality of Two-Face was one of the most feared faces of Gotham's criminal underworld.

The last man in the lineup was less intimidating than the rest. He was Maximillian "Maxie" Zeus, a man labouring under the delusion that he was in fact that Greek God he shares his name with. Despite the delusions of grandeur, Zeus still had an impressive physique to back up his words and amassed a small empire in Gotham's seedy underbelly.

"Speak to us, mortal. Who have you brought?" Maxie asked.

"Oh hey, I recognize these girls." Two-Face remarked. "I thought you all skipped town a while back?"

"Yeah, we did." Harley said. "But hey, we're back now."

"And we're pissed that our apartment building was taken over while we were away." Ivy added.

"Oh, yes. I'm afraid that's my fault." Penguin said. "We've helped Ms. Hudson here take over a sizable portion of Gotham City's real estate."

"Well, is there any way for me to get my old apartment back?" Ivy asked.

"We're always looking for new recruits." Two-Face said. "Perhaps we could set you up with a new place if you worked for us."

"I dunno… I kinda have reservations about that." Harley said.

"Listen, I know you just got back to town, but right now Gotham is in the middle of a bit of a gang war." Two-Face said.

"A three way war." Jaina added.

"Mmm, I love a good threeway." Selina chuckled.

"Not the time for jokes Ms. Kyle. This is a serious matter." Penguin said. "Me, Harv and Maxie are just one side of this war. There are two other powerful gangs in the street. One control by Black Mask and a few other associates of his and one controlled by the new Ventriloquist, the woman."

"Oh yeah, we had a few run-ins with her." Magpie remarked.

"Even if you aren't with us, you're still part of this war. We all won't stop until one of us is on top." Penguin went on. "Now ladies, do you understand the situation?"

"More or less." Harley nodded.

"So mortals, will you join us in Olympus or parish in the depths of Hades?" Maxie spoke up again.

"Um… Can you give us a second to talk amongst ourselves?" Harley asked.

"Zeus allows it." Maxie nodded.

"Uh, thanks." Harley looked back to her friends. "Girls…" The four girls huddled up together like they were a bunch of football players. "So, um, what do you think we should do?"

"I've never been one for working with an organization. Catwoman is solo, you know." Selina said.

"Yes, it's not my style either." Ivy nodded. "I don't like being ordered around. Especially by meatheaded men like that Zeus idiot."

"Yeah, I ain't really interested in this whole gang war thing they're going on about." Harley nodded.

"I… I'm not sure…" Magpie muttered. "But if you girls don't want to join, then I'm with you."

The girls stopped huddling and looked back to the three mob bosses. Harley stepped forward to address them. "Yeah, we're not joining you. Us girls, we're doing our own thing and we're not getting involved in your gang war shit. So, can we leave now?"

"You've made your decision… Not sure if it was the right one but you made it." Two-Face remarked. "Ms. Hudson, show them the door."

Jaina nodded and opened the door. "This way please." With that she began escorting the girls out of the office and down the stairs. "Oh, just so you know we won't be giving you a ride home."

"Yeah, we're fine with that. Beats being part of your group." Ivy said.

"To quote Groucho Marx: I don't wanna be part of a club that'd have me as a member." Harley nodded.

"You girls are fools." Jaina shook her head. "Trust me, you're going to regret this decision."

***

Somewhere, in one of Gotham City's more wealthy neighborhoods, there was a house that belonged to a very certain woman. Her name was Peyton Riley and she sort of stumbled her way into being in charge of two powerful groups of Gotham's criminal underworld.

She was born as the daughter to Sean Riley, head of Gotham's Irish Mob. But thanks to one unfortunate night, Peyton lost her right eye and her father. However, that same night she came into possession of a particular doll known as Scarface which more or less let her force her way into control of the Ventriloquist's crime family.

Tonight, Ms. Riley was having a quiet dinner at home. She'd placed Mr. Scarface in a chair across from her and was having a conversation with him as she ate the pasta she'd made herself for dinner.

"So Scarface, how are you tonight?" Peyton took a bite of her pasta. Scarface said nothing but Peyton heard him all the same. "Oh, you… You're such a flirt."

Peyton continued eating for a little while until she heard some footsteps coming towards her. Looking to her right she saw the door to her basement open up and emerging from it was a man she recognized.

He wore a dusty trenchcoat and heavy black boots. His face was completely obscured by bandages. His name was Hush, a figure in Gotham's underworld that held a considerable amount of power. Currently he'd gotten himself a position as Ms. Riley's top lieutenant.

"Peyton, I hope I'm not interrupting." Hush said.

"Scarface and I were just having dinner." Peyton glanced over to Hush. "This had better be important."

"I believe it is." Hush nodded as he went up to the table. "I've found out that several particular people have returned to the city. People who may be valuable to our group."

"Stop being vague. I know it's your thing but I need details here, alright?" Peyton said.

Hush nodded before continuing. "Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman. The three of them are back in Gotham. In the middle of this conflict we're having, they could be valuable assets."

"Hmm… Thank you Tommy. We'll have to discuss this more in private." Peyton smiled at him. "We'll want to get them on our side before someone like Two-Face or Black Mask gets their hands on them."

"I'll tell the others about this. I'll be in your office after you finish eating." Hush nodded and left Peyton on her own with Scarface.

Once he left, Peyton glanced at Scarface and stared at him for a few moments. "Him? Oh, don't worry Pumpkin. He's just a friend. You're the only man for me…"

Chapter Text

In Gotham's industrial district there were many old buildings dating back to the city's founding. Some operational, some not so much. One of these abandoned buildings was the old Sionis steel mill. It had closed down after Roman Sionis had a severe mental breakdown and the company was transferred to someone else.

But currently, this old building served as the base of operations to Roman and several of his associates. These days Roman went by the name Black Mask and was a feared figure in Gotham's criminal world on account of him having a reputation for torturing those who displeased him rather brutally.

On this particular day, Black Mask was in the decrepit remains of his old office rifling through a drawer. That morning he'd received a tape cassette in the mail from a business partner of his. Said partner was currently incarcerated but may as well have not been in prison at all since he managed to smuggle information in and out of Arkham Asylum so easily. With Arkham's security being what it was, staying in prison was a choice for him.

He took the tape player out from his desk and put it down on the table. "Alright Warren, let's see what you've got to say today…" He put the cassette inside the player and pressed play on it.

After a short pause the voice of one Warren White began to speak. "Hello Roman, hope this reaches you faster than the last one. I've picked up some chatter here in the Asylum that might concern you. Y'know that crazy cannibal motherfucker? The weird looking one with the pink hair? What was his name… Oh yeah, Flamingo. See, Flamingo, I hear he's working for Ventriloquist and her pals. I dunno if they're paying him or they're just keeping him locked in a basement or what. Anyway, he's with them now and that's bad news because he eats faces off. Not a problem for me since I'm missing part of mine already. Alright, Great White Shark signing off."

The tape recording stopped and Black Mask took out the tape. He opened up a drawer and placed the tape into a drawer filled with other numbered tapes. "Flamingo, eh… I'll have to look into that one."

Before Black Mask had much of a chance to think about the Great White Shark's message more, the door to his office opened up and in stepped another business partner of his. He was one of the, if not the most, feared figures in Gotham. He was the Joker. Today he was dressed in a large purple coat and matching hat and seemed to have applied some extra red lipstick today.

"Masky! How are you today?" Joker smirked at Black Mask.

"Fine enough." Black Mask muttered. "What do you want?"

"Oh come on, can't a guy visit his business partner?" Joker pulled up a chair and sat at the desk across from Roman.

"You always have an agenda, Joker." Black Mask calmly replied. "Frankly, I only work with you because you scare me and because you're a lot more competent than you look. Just tell me what you want."

"Alright, fine, guilty as charged." Joker laughed a little. "I've had my ear to the ground so to speak and I've heard that a particular someone who I loathe is back in town. A little someone called Harley Quinn."

"Jesus…" Black Mask sighed and rested his elbows on the table. "Look, Joker, I don't care what kind of lover's quarrel is going on between you two. I'm staying out of it."

"Oh c'mon Masky, I just need a teensy weensy favour here. Just get one of your hitmen to whack her for me. I'm tired of having her around. Especially after how she humiliated me last time she was here." Joker said.

"Yeah, no dice here pal." Black Mask shook his head. "Now get out of my office unless you have something actually important to talk about."

"Alright, fine. Ta-ta for now." Joker stood up and exited the old office, making sure to close the door behind him. Once he left the office he walked down the hall, looking over his shoulder several times to make sure he was out of earshot. Once he was certain, he took a cell phone and dialed in a number. After a short wait he heard someone pick up on the other side. "Mr. Lynns! Joker here, good news. Black Mask has authorized a hit on someone. Let me tell you all the details…"

***

On Gotham's east end, Harley Quinn was still adjusting to life back in the big city. It was nine in the morning and she'd woken up about ten minutes ago, sleeping past the other three women at Selina's apartment. Currently, she was standing outside the bathroom door and waiting for her turn to go in.

"C'mon Maggie, lemme in." Harley let out an annoyed whine. "I really have to pee and wanna take a shower."

"Okay, okay, I just finished showering and I need to find a towel in here…" Magpie muttered from inside. "Fuck, where are the towels?"

"I saw some in the closet earlier. You can come out and grab one." Harley said.

"But I'm naked…"

"So? I've seen you naked before."

"Alright, alright, fine…"

The door opened up and on the other side was Magpie, dripping wet and completely naked. She looked rather shy and had her arms folded over her chest to hide her breasts. "God, this is so humiliating."

"Aww relax Maggie, I think you look cute." Harley giggled and smiled at Magpie.

"Whatever, you just use the bathroom. I'm gonna get a towel…" Magpie shuffled out of the bathroom and went to go find a towel to clothe herself with.

"Don't look so embarrassed Maggie, it's just us girls here." Harley giggled some more as she entered the bathroom. After relieving herself and washing off in the shower, Harley realized she too had no towels but didn't care about it as much as Magpie.

She left the bathroom after her shower and wandered to a closer where she got a towel to dry herself off. While she dried off, she was approached by Ivy.

"Hey Harls, hope you're having a nice morning." Ivy said. "Figured since we're back in town we could hang out a bit today, catch up on some old sights. Know what I mean?"

"Oh yeah, that sounds nice." Harley smiled. "I like the way you think." She giggled and gave Ivy a quick peck on the cheek. "Say, is there breakfast here? I'm really hungry right now."

"Selina decided to be nice and make some pancakes this morning. Want some?" Ivy said.

"You know it!" Harley cheered as she wrapped the towel around herself. From there she went to the dining room and helped herself to some breakfast. Magpie and Selina were already there with Magpie reading a book and Selina browsing the internet on her smartphone. "Mornin' girls!"

"Ah, glad to see you Harley." Selina smiled. "Help yourself to some pancakes."

"Will do!" Harley cheered and got some pancakes on her plate.

Ivy soon entered the dining room and sat down with her. "You know, I'm not optimistic very often. But I think today is going to be a good day."

"Yeah! Me too!" Harley cheered.

"You know, I've got a plan to do some sightseeing with Harley today." Ivy remarked. "Would you girls like to tag along?"

"No thanks, I already made some plans with Magpie." Selina said. "We need to get some more groceries for the house."

"Well, you two have fun with that." Harley nodded. "I know Red and I are gonna have fun for sure!"

About an hour later, Harley had finished breakfast and gotten herself properly dressed. Magpie and Selina had already left the house to do some of the aforementioned shopping but Harley and Ivy were still at the apartment.

However, Harley had just finished dressing and was ready to go out. She exited Selina's bedroom after applying a little bit of makeup and approached Ivy.

"Alrighty Red, I'm ready for our date out on the town!" Harley cheered.

"Wonderful darling…" Ivy smiled and stood up, taking Harley by the hand.

The two of them soon left the apartment, making sure to use the spare key to lock up behind them. As they left the apartment building together, Harley decided to make some small talk with her girlfriend.

"So Pam, where do ya feel like goin' today?" Harley asked.

"I was thinking we could hang out in the park. It's a beautiful day and I just want to enjoy some nature." Ivy said. "Plus since it's the middle of the day, we don't have to worry about Batman or his friends spoiling our fun."

"Ooh yay, I'd love to have a nice normal day out with you." Harley held Ivy by the hand and nuzzled herself a bit closer to her girlfriend.

"I'm sure we'll have lots of fun, don't you worry." Ivy smiled as she walked down the street. "And, maybe, if we get home before Selina and Maggie… We could have some special private time together."

"Hehe! You're so naughty, Red!" Harley laughed. "I love it!"

While the girlfriends happily chatted and walked together, they were completely unaware that they were being observed. Perched on a tall building across from them was a man by the name of Garfield Lynns. But he preferred to be called by another name; Firefly.

He only had one thing he wanted out of life, to watch the world burn. And not in a metaphorical way either. He enjoyed setting things on fire and watching them burn. However, he wasn't just an arsonist or passion. Lynns still needed money so he hired himself out as a freelance assassin. Currently, he was under the employ of Black Mask's crime syndicate.

Earlier that morning he'd received a call from one of Black Mask's associates asking him to kill Harley Quinn. And so here he found himself, suited up on top of a building lying in wait for the perfect time to strike.

He picked up a walkie-talkie off his belt and held it up to him. "Joker, I've found her."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Do your thing! Burn her!" Joker's voice crackled to life from the other side.

"Give me a moment, I need to plan this out. I wanna find a spot with lots of stuff to burn." Firefly replied. He stayed quiet for a moment before continuing. "Say… Why does Black Mask want her dead exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe he just finds her annoying? I know I do." Joker remarked.

"Right… Are you sure this is all legit? I don't think I've heard the boss mention Harley before."

"Listen bug boy, you're not paid to ask questions. You're paid to set things on fire. Now get to it!"

"Alright, alright… I'll update you when I find a good place to ambush her." Firefly sighed and put away the walkie talkie. "Fuckin' clown… Can't wait to set this bitch on fire. Just need to be patient..."

***

In the same neighborhood, several blocks away, there was a fairly conventional supermarket. Ordinary Gotham citizens went there every day for their eggs, bread and milk. But on this particular day it was being shopped at by two women who the police would likely arrest if given the chance; Selina Kyle and Margaret Pye.

The two women were dressed in casual clothes and attempting to not look suspicious. Selina was clothed in shorts and tank top while Magpie had a t-shirt and sweatpants on. Selina confidently walked through the aisles, occasionally stopping to pick out items she needed while Magpie awkwardly stuck close by her and pushed around the cart.

"Alright Maggie, I think that's everything." Selina remarked. "Ready to check out?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure thing." Magpie nodded. She gripped the handle of the cart tighter as she made her way to the exit, looking around a few times.

"Everything alright? You look a little tense." Selina said as they made it to the checkout.

"I guess I'm just worried someone will recognize us." Magpie whispered as she began loading items onto the conveyor belt.

"Oh, don't worry. We're just two regular women going shopping." Selina leaned in and kissed Magpie on the cheek before helping her put more items on the belt.

After placing all the items down Selina went to address the cashier, a young man of about twenty. "Hello there, me and my friend here will be paying with debit today, is that alright?"

The cashier stared at the two women for a moment as he checked out their items before nodding. "Uh, yeah."

"We brought our own bags by the way." Magpie added as she held up a canvas bag and began to put away the items he rang up.

The cashier silently nodded while blankly staring at Selina. Seeing this, Selina couldn't help but smirk. "You're staring at my tits, aren't you?"

"Huh? N- No." the cashier replied.

"Relax tough guy, I get that reaction a lot." Selina chuckled. "Feel free to stare, okay. You can get all the cleavage you like. But my bare tits are reserved for very special people…"

"Hey, Selina, can you pay for the food and stop flirting with the grocery boy?" Magpie sighed.

"Fine…" Selina sighed. With that she paid for their groceries and gave the cashier a flirtatious wink. From there Magpie and Selina began the walk home together, making small talk as they went.

"Selina… I've got a question." Magpie said.

"Yeah, what is it?" Selina replied.

"Well… Not to sound rude or anything, but do you think about sex all the time?" Magpie asked.

Selina thought for a moment before coming up with a reply. "Yeah, kinda. Do you?"

"Well… Maybe…" Magpie mumbled.

"If you do it's nothing to be ashamed of." Selina said. "Sex feels good. Orgasms feel good."

"I guess. I still use that vibrator you bought me. I just don't like talking about this kind of thing." Magpie shrugged.

Before their discussion of sex could continue any further, they were distracted when a limousine pulled up to the curb and one of the windows rolled down and from inside a gruff man's voice called out. "Hey, ladies! Hop in!"

"What the…" Selina stared into the car and saw the Scarface puppet staring right out at her. "Oh, hey there dummy."

"Hey! I ditched the dummy." Scarface said. "Now I got a beautiful lady as my faithful sidekick"

"That's right." Peyton Riley stuck her head out the window as well. Magpie couldn't help but wince when she saw the scar tissue around her eye. "Would you two mind getting in with us? We can give you a lift back to your apartment."

"Gee, I dunno. This kinda goes against everything my mom taught me about stranger danger." Selina smirked.

"Look, if we wanted to kill ya we'd have done it. We merely have a business proposition to discuss." Scarface said.

"Alright, fine. But no funny business." Selina said.

"We promise." Peyton nodded and opened up the door.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Magpie whispered to Selina.

"Oh, not at all. But I think we can take them if it comes to that." Selina whispered back.

The two of them entered the limo together, taking a seat across from Peyton and Scarface. However once they were both seated, they realized that there was another person in the car with her. Specifically the bandaged visage of Hush seated beside Peyton.

"Son of a bitch…" Selina muttered. "You didn't tell me this asshole was in here with you."

"Well, nice to see you too." Hush smirked behind his bandages. "Let's talk business now, shall we?"

***

Across town, Harley and Ivy had just arrived at the park together. They held hands as they walked around, admiring the sights around them. It seemed like a perfectly normal day. Kids were playing, people were feeding the pigeons and the sun was shining. The perfect type of day.

"I see why ya like nature so much, Pammy." Harley smiled. "It's real nice out here."

"The world needs more nature." Ivy nodded.

Harley gently squeezed Ivy's hand as the two of them made it over to a pond. The two of them sat at a bench together as they watched some ducks swimming around in the pond.

"This is real nice… We need to have more quiet time together." Harley leaned herself against Ivy and gave her a kiss.

"Yeah, I love spending time with you." Ivy nodded and kissed Harley again. "Being around you always makes me happy."

Harley giggled and hugged Ivy close, kissing at her some more. "I could do this forever."

"Let's not get too romantic in public, we wouldn't want to get in trouble." Ivy whispered to Harley.

"Oh relax, it ain't like I'm eating you out. It's just a little kiss." Halrey giggled.

"Fair enough…" Ivy smiled and kissed Harley back.

"We'll have plenty of time to get really naughty when we're back home." Harley held onto Ivy and kept kissing at her.

Before the two of them could continue their romantic interactions they became distracted by something. It was a sound in the distance that they couldn't quite make out at first until it got closer. It became clear that the sound was maniacal laughter of some kind.

Looking over her shoulder she saw Firefly gliding through the air over the park and right towards them. "Is that Firefly? What the hell is he doin' here?"

"Quinn! You clown bitch, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!" Firefly held onto his flamethrower and had it pointed at Harley and Ivy.

"Never mind, question answered!" Harley quickly stood up and jumped out of the way as Firefly shot off his flamethrower.

"Burn! Burn!" Firefly cackled as he watched his flames engulf the bench and the grass below it. "Fuckin' burn!"

Ivy stared in horror as she watched the grass burning. "No… No, no, no!"

"It's okay Red, I survived!" Harley crawled over to her.

"Oh thank god you're okay…" Ivy sighed in relief as she grabbed Harley by the wrist. "But that bastard, he's destroying all these plants! He'll pay for this."

"I think he's also tryin' to kill us." Harley added.

"We're gonna take him down, mark my words…" Ivy gritted her teeth together in anger.

Firefly pressed a button on his suit which boosted him further into the air. He used this boost to swoop back around. He shot off another jet of flame which set fire to a tree. This made Ivy cry out in pain.

"Stop it! You're hurting them!" Ivy yelled.

"They're so beautiful when they burn!" Firefly laughed. He fired the flamethrower again and narrowly missed Harley when she jumped out of the way, pulling Ivy with her.

"That's it! He's going down!" Ivy clenched her fists in anger.

"Uh, Ives, don't go overboard okay…" Harley took a few steps back from her.

Ivy scowled as she looked up at Firefly and raised her hands up at him. A pair of large roots burst through the ground and shot straight ahead at Firefly. Despite this, Firefly just laughed and flew ahead. This ended up being a mistake when the roots slammed straight into him and launched him into the pond, scaring off the ducks.

"Woo! Great job Red!" Harley cheered. "Now c'mon, let's scram."

"Oh no, I'm not done yet…" Ivy approached the water and waited for Firefly to resurface. "I have some questions for this man."

"Alright, but hurry 'em up." Harley looked over her shoulder. "I don't want us to get in trouble again."

"Oh, it'll be fine." Ivy said. "Now help me fish him out, we're taking him somewhere safe to interrogate."

***

Across the city, Magpie and Catwoman were still in the back of the Ventriloquist's car and they'd been patiently listening to her, Hush and Scarface explain things. According to the Ventriloquist she'd been heading a rather powerful group in Gotham's underworld and she was looking for Magpie, Catwoman and their friends to join her.

"So ladies, how do youse two feel 'bout joinin' our little group?" Scarface asked.

"We have a lot of things that can help out you and your friends." Hush added. "It would be a mutually beneficial relationship."

"We've got all the connections you need." Peyton went on. "Money, sex, drugs, power. It's all yours. You girls don't have to just do small scale robberies or burlaries, you could have the whole world."

"Yes, well… We don't want the world." Selina said. "See darling, I'm perfectly comfortable with my life. I like my average apartment, I like my cats, I like my friends, I like small scale crime and I like my girlfriend." She reached over and held Magpie's hand.

"I'm your girlfriend?" Magpie quietly mumbled.

"Of course you are…" Selina held onto Magpie's hand and gave her a kiss.

Magpie blushed and kissed Selina back. "Thanks…"

"Hey, lesbos, we're talkin' here." Scarface said. "Look, are you two seriously not gonna work for us? We'll give ya everything ya ever wanted."

"The answer is still no." Selina said.

"Yeah, Two-Face and his friends already tried recruiting us." Magpie added. "And we said no."

"So you get the same response." Selina nodded. "Especially because Hush is involved. And he's a major league asshole."

"Is this because I keep trying to kill your crazy Bat-Boyfriend?" Hush sighed.

"Partially." Selina admitted. "But me and the big bad Bat are taking a break, hence my girlfriend. Mostly I just don't like you as a person."

"So, it seems you've made your decision." Peyton sighed. She leaned forward and used her free hand to tap on the glass behind her. "Stop the car please, our guests are leaving."

"Wait, you said you'd take us home." Magpie said.

"Yes, but that was before you refused our offer." Peyton said. "Now, get out." The car came to a stop and she opened up the door.

"Hold on, we live pretty close." Magpie spoke up. "Can't you just-"

"The lady said out!" Scarface snapped.

Not wanting to argue with the deranged Ventriloquist and her puppet, Magpie and Selina quickly exited the limo as it sped off away from them.

"Wow… That lady is a bitch." Magpie remarked.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I'm very selective about who I work with." Selina nodded. "Now, let's go home."

Magpie and Selina walked back home together in relative silence, occasionally making small talk or semi-flirty banter. When they reached Selina's apartment, she unlocked the door and entered only to be greeted by a shocking sight.

Harley and Ivy were in the living room with Firefly tied to a chair by Ivy's fines. Selina and Magpie stared at them for a few moments trying to make sense of the situation.

"Red, can ya please calm down, I think you're gonna hurt him." Harley pleaded, not noticing the other two women entering the apartment.

"Good. He deserves it after what he did." Ivy said, tightening the vines around him.

"I think he's unconscious…" Harley said.

Selina finally decided to make herself known to them. "Girls… What the fuck is this?"

"Oh…" Harley turned around to look at the two of them. "Hey there kitty cat! We kinda got into some trouble."

"We can see that…" Magpie nervously nodded.

"Care to explain?" Selina asked as she approached them calmly.

"Well, basically, this douchebag tried to kill me." Harley explained, putting a hand on Firefly's shoulder and shaking him.

"He also set fire to part of a park." Ivy added. "Which is why I want to kill him."

"But I'm trying to be nice. Which is sayin' a lot cause he tried to set me on fire." Harley said.

Magpie got closer to Firefly and poked him a little. "Is he gonna be alright?" Her question was answered when Firefly lurched to life and looked around.

"What the hell… Jesus Christ, did you crazy bitches kidnap me?" Firefly looked around wildly.

"You be quiet!" Ivy tightened the vines around him.

"Gah! What the hell do you want…" Firefly gasped.

"We just got a simple question for ya." Harley said. "Why the hell did ya try to kill me?"

"I was being paid to do it…" Firefly mumbled.

"Paid by who?"

"Black Mask, I think… Got a call about him wanting me to kill you."

"Well you tell Black Mask that he can go fuck himself." Harley scowled at Firefly and punched him in the face, knocking him over in the chair. He bumped his head on the ground and was knocked unconscious.

After a long pause, Magpie spoke up. "So… What do we do now?"

"I say we kill him." Ivy said.

"Always with the murder, jeez." Selina groaned. "Let's just get rid of him."

"But he's seen the apartment." Magpie said.

"Only the inside. He was unconscious when we dragged him up here." Harley replied.

"Makes our job easy then. I'll just drop him in a dumpster and he can go tell Black Mask to go fuck himself like Harley wanted." Selina said.

"Sounds like a plan." Harley nodded. In a fit of immaturity, she blew a raspberry at Firefly's unconscious body. "Well, sorry about draggin' him in here. Hopefully we ain't gonna have these problems again."

"Let's hope not…" Ivy nodded.

***

Far away from the drama unfolding around at Harley's apartment, the Joker was at his current hideout. He'd set up shop at the crumbling skeleton of a carnival. The city had been meaning to demolish the place for years but thanks to Joker's constant occupation of the place workers and police kept getting chased off periodically.

At the moment, Joker was seated on his couch and watching the news channels. In his mind, Harley was already did and he was just waiting for the happy news to be reported.

"C'mon… Any moment now…" Joker whispered to himself.

All the lights in the room were off with only the dim light of the television illuminating things. However, Joker was soon broken out of his TV trance by the sound of a ringing phone.

"Oh dammit, now what?" Joker sighed and reached across the couch to a side table where he picked up the phone. Looking at the caller ID he saw it was Black Mask on the other line. Smirking to himself, he's answered. "You've reached the Clown Prince of Crime, how may I help you?"

"Joker… I'm looking at the news right now and it says that Firefly, you know, my assassin, was just seen attempting to kill Harley Quinn." Black Mask's voice said from the other line. "Any idea why that is?"

"Hold on? That's on the news? Which channel? Did she die?" Joker picked up his remote and began flipping through the channels.

"It's an article on the internet, dumbass. Get a wi-fi router in that stupid hideout of yours. Second, no, she's alive. Now will your answer my question?"

"What was the question?"

"Why did my assassin try to carry out an unauthorized hit?"

"I haven't got an idea. Maybe you sent out the wrong email or some wires got crossed? Why are you calling me?"

"Call it a hunch."

"Uh huh… Is there anything else you want from me, Masky?"

"No. Just try not to push my buttons or else this partnership is off."

With that Black Mask hung up on the other line. Joker just chuckled to himself and turned off the television. "Oh well, Plan A almost never works. But with Harley back things just got a lot more interesting…"

Chapter Text

The previous few days in the life of Harley Quinn had been tumultuous to say the least. First she'd found out that her old apartment was no longer under Ivy's ownership. Then it became apparent that there was some sort of gang war going on in Gotham. And most recently it seemed that two of these factions wanted to recruit her while at least one wanted to kill her.

At this point all Harley really wanted was to be left alone so she could do her own criminal stuff without having to deal with all these other crazy criminals who wanted her for their own agenda.

On this particular morning, Harley was in the shower trying to forget all her troubles. So far it seemed to be working. As the hot water washed over her it felt like all her problems were melting away.

But as she soaped herself up, her mind wandered to various places. She thought about movies she'd seen, her relationship with Ivy, what she'd eat for dinner that night and several other things. Eventually her mind went back to the initial problem of three different crime factions in Gotham who all seemed at least some degree of interested in her. But it was right then that something clicked in her mind and a solution came to her.

"That's it! I got an idea!" Harley cheered and excitedly turned off the water. She giggled excitedly and stepped out of the shower and worked fast to dry herself off and throw a bathrobe over herself.

She exited the bathroom and hurried to the living room where she saw Ivy, Magpie and Selina on the couch and watching an old wild west movie on TV.

"Hey girls!" Harley cheered. "Boy have I got some great news!"

"Oh, hey Harley." Selina looked over her shoulder at Harley. "You're dripping all over the floor."

"And your robe is open." Ivy added, smirking a bit as she saw her girlfriend's breasts and vulva on display. "Not that I mind."

"Heh, oopsie!" Harley giggled and closed up her robe. "Um, anyway, I just got a great idea."

"Was it so important that you had to get out of the shower?" Magpie asked.

"Oh yeah, totally." Harley nodded. "I figured out how we'll get those no good crime guys off our backs."

"Right, those assholes." Ivy said. "What's your plan for them?"

Harley giggled and sat down on the chair across from the girls. "It's simple!" She kicked her legs up into the air in excitement. "We just build our own team of Gotham supervillains who don't wanna get involved in this stupid gang thing and we all take 'em down together."

"So you want us to make a gang to destroy some gangs?" Magpie asked.

"Well when ya put it like that, it sounds counterintuitive." Harley admitted. "But I still say we go with it. Because first off, it sounds fun. And second off, I ain't a fan of those mob guys. So I just wanna get them to stop bothering us. So, you girls with me?"

"Sure, why not." Selina nodded. "I agree, I don't like those guys either. But the four of us aren't enough to take these guys down on our own."

"Yeah, we'd definitely need a team like you're suggesting." Magpie nodded.

"I think I know a few places we can recruit from." Selina said.

"So you're all in?" Harley asked.

"We sure are, Harls. We'll look into this later." Ivy nodded. "Oh, also, we can see your privates again."

Harley giggled and crossed her legs quickly. "Uh, thanks! Anyhow, I'm excited to get this new idea underway."

***

Later that night, Harley had gotten herself properly dressed and her and the girls had gone off to go find some of those recruits Harley wanted. After debating amongst themselves for a little bit, they decided to scout around a local tough guy bar called the Stacked Deck, known for being a hangout for a lot of Gotham's lesser known criminals.

The four girls had decided to dress up decked out in their full on supervillain outfits and head down there in the evening to see if they could meet anyone who'd be interested in joining up with them.

"So, um, what's the plan now that we're here?" Magpie whispered to the other girls.

"There's a lot of weirdo losers here, I'm sure they'd be willing to help if we paid them enough." Selina explained. "How about we split off? I'll go with Harley. And Magpie, you can go with Ivy."

"Works for me." Harley nodded.

"Sure, let's go." Ivy said, looking over and nodding at Magpie. "C'mon." With that her and Magpie wandered off into the bar together.

Once they were gone, Harley chuckled to herself and gave Selina a hug. "C'mon Kitty, let's go find some people who wanna help us!"

"You've got it, I'm sure we'll find some people who are interested." Selina said as she entered the Stacked Deck with Harley walking alongside her. "Just keep in mind we're not exactly gonna find A-list talent here. We'll have to settle for some second stringers."

"That's fine with me. Last time I did this recruitment thing it wasn't like Magpie was my first choice." Harley said.

The two of them entered the bar together and looked around for anyone who seemed to stand out. The bar was packed at around this time and had a lot of very tough but comparatively average looking thugs around the bar. Most of those folks were probably employed already. Harley even saw some of them wearing pins matching the one Magpie had stolen. So they were definitely not on the table for recruitment.

After some looking around they eventually found a suitable candidate. Sitting at the bar was a man in a garish purple spandex suit with orange and yellow leggings and a green mask over his face. After a bit of staring, Harley recognized the man as the often humiliated Killer Moth.

He used to be taken fairly seriously as a figure in the criminal underworld until he was taken down by a very inexperienced Batgirl in one of her first outings as a hero. This misfortune eventually led to him being considered nothing but a joke in the criminal community which was why he appeared to be more than a little drunk as Harley and Selina approached him.

"Well hey there, you must be the Killer Moth." Harley smiled. "How's it goin?"

"I don't wanna talk…" Killer Moth mumbled.

"Aww, someone in a bad mood?" Harley asked.

"Yes… Why do you think I'm drinking." Killer Moth replied.

Selina chuckled and sat beside him. "Don't you want to know why two pretty ladies are talking to you?"

"A little, I guess." Killer Moth sighed. "Are you just trying to seduce me and steal my money? 'Cause I'm kinda broke right now."

"Aw relax, we ain't that desperate for cash either." Harley giggled, leaning in towards him. "But if you are that desperate… Well, we're lookin' for some new hires for our group."

"You don't work for Black Mask do you?" Killer Moth asked. "I already told him I'm not interested."

"Oh no, quite the opposite in fact." Selina smirked. "See, we're against Black Mask and those other big gangs. We just want to do our silly small scale crimes in peace. We just need more people to help us out with it. So, are you in?"

"I dunno…" Killer Moth sighed. "Tell you what, buy me another drink and I'll consider it.

"Fine with me." Harley said. "Trust me, you're gonna do great. Just, uh, try to stay sober, alright?"

"Uh huh, I'll try." Killer Moth said.

While Selina and Harley were hanging out at the bar with Killer Moth, Magpie and Poison Ivy were wandering around and trying to find anyone else who would be suitable to recruit. A few of the male patrons of the Stacked Deck got a bit too handsy for Ivy's liking but she was always very quick to slap any intruding hands away.

"I don't really see anyone suitable here…" Magpie said. "Maybe this is a bust."

"I agree with you, trying to get help from here is ill advised." Ivy sighed. "But for Harley's sake let's keep looking. If we get lucky maybe we'll find Ratcatcher or something."

"You really like Harley, huh?" Magpie remarked.

"Yeah I do. It really feels like me and her were meant to be." Ivy admitted.

"That's sweet." Magpie smiled. "I'm real happy for you two."

The two of them walked around some more until they saw someone sitting alone at a table that caught their eye. He was a man dressed in all green spandex with a helmet on his head and a yellow diamond shape on his chest.

"Hey, any idea who that is?" Ivy whispered.

"Not a clue." Magpie shook her head.

"Well, whoever he is, he's got C-list loser villain written all over him." Ivy smirked. "Let's go talk to him."

Both Ivy and Magpie walked over to the green clad man and sat around the table with him casually. To alleviate any awkwardness, Ivy spoke up quickly. "Hey there, what's up? Mind if we sit here?"

"Not at all, make yourself at home." the man said. "Name's Kite-Man by the way, just in case you haven't heard."

"Kite-Man?" Magpie repeated.

"Yep, the one and only." Kite-Man nodded. "Professional thief and hang gliding enthusiast."

"Right…" Ivy trailed off, trying to process the man. "Do you have any superpowers?"

"Nope, just my trusty kite glider and some gadgets." Kite-Man said with a proud smile on his face. "Say… Aren't you Poison Ivy?"

"Um, yes. That's me." Ivy nodded. "And this is my friend Magpie."

"Well, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" Kite-Man asked.

"Recruitment, if you'd believe it." Ivy replied.

"Well, I certainly do." Kite-Man said. "Recruitment for what exactly?"

Ivy chuckled a little. "Well, it's a bit of a complicated matter. But if you've got the time I'd love to explain."

"Why not, I've got nothing better to do." Kite-Man nodded and took a sip from the beer in front of him. "I'll be honest, I came here to pick up chicks and not only did two very attractive women sit down in front of me, but they've got a business opportunity for me."

"I'm flattered." Ivy smirked. "But I'm also a lesbian."

"Well, good for you. At least we can both appreciate hot women." Kite-Man chuckled, indicating to Magpie.

"You think I'm hot?" Magpie asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, of course." Kite-Man nodded.

"Thanks…" Magpie found herself blushing a little. "But I'm already dating right now…"

Kite-Man shrugged and took a sip of his drink. "Well whoever you're dating is lucky."

Ivy cleared her throat to get his attention again. "So, about the recruitment?"

"Oh yeah, right. That whole thing." Kite-Man nodded. "What exactly do you want from me?"

"Well, we'd like you to join our group." Ivy said. "See, my girlfriend, who will also be your boss if you join us… She doesn't like the current state of affairs in Gotham. All these mob bosses running around and trying to take over. She'd much prefer things to be a bit more chaotic."

"Oh, I think I get it." Kite-Man nodded. "Personally, I've got no stake in this whole gang war thing going on. But if you girls want my help, why not. I'll help you out. As long as I get paid."

"It's a deal." Ivy said. "We'll give you a call when we need you." She stood up from the table and gestured for Magpie to follow her.

Magpie got up and went with Ivy. She held onto Ivy's hand, feeling slightly congested by the crowded bar. The two of them eventually found Selina and Harley in the bar.

"Well hey there girls." Selina smiled. "Find anyone worth recruiting?"

"Only one so far." Ivey said. "Calls himself Kite-Man. With a name like that I've got pretty low hopes for him."

"We found Killer Moth." Harley said. "It took a bit of convincin' but he wants to help us too."

"Well, it's not exactly a dream team but it's the best we've got." Ivy sighed. "So, now what should we do? Wanna keep looking?"

"I dunno… I kinda wanna go home." Harley admitted.

Before the discussion could continue much further, the entire atmosphere of the bar was interrupted. The skylight suddenly smashed open from outside and down through the hole above came two figures quite familiar to those in Gotham's criminal world.

First, was the newest person to hold the title of Batgirl. She had blonde hair and wore a dark purple suit. The second was the latest Robin, a younger boy who rumours said was Batman's son.

"Alright everyone, stay cool!" Batgirl cheered.

"We're only here for Anarky. We know he's in here." Robin said.

"We know you're all into some shady stuff, but right now we're just tracking down Anarky. He's been causing a lot of trouble to say the least." Batgirl added.

While Batgirl and Robin did their thing, Harley and the girls shrunk into the background.

"Psst, should we get out of here?" Magpie whispered.

"Oh yeah, definitely." Harley said. "I don't wanna get tossed back into Arkham."

The other thugs backed away from Batgirl and Robin, creating a circle around the two heroes. Batgirl glanced at Robin and smirked a bit. "Hey, I think they're scared of us."

"Enough of this…" a voice from the crowd spoke. It sounded partly robotic, like it was being filtered through some type of modulator. From the crowd stepped out the figure only known as Anarky. A rather tall figure in a red robe with a golden mask over his face.

"Ah, there you are." Batgirl said. "You're in a lot of trouble, Lonnie." She smirked and stepped towards him. "Are you gonna come quietly? We've got a lot of questions for you."

"No." Anakry quickly struck, taking a golden sceptre from his robe and hitting Batgirl with it. It sent an electrical shock through her and knocked her down.

Robin launched into action next, attacking Anarky. He moved quicker than Batgirl and managed to get a few hits on his opponent. However Anarky blocked most of the attacks and managed to shock Robin with the excepter. Batgirl attempted another attack but Anarky blocked her and hit her in the face, knocking her back.

Anarky took a grappling hook out from his robe and shot it up, hooking onto the roof of the Stacked Deck through the hole in the skylight and pulling himself out. Batgirl and Robin hurried out the same way chasing him, leaving the bar silent with shock.

"Whoa… We gotta get that guy on our team." Harley whispered.

***

Only about half an hour later, Harley and the girls were inside Selina's apartment again after the incident at the bar to regroup and make a plan. The four of them had also dragged Kite-Man and Killer Moth along with them. Ever since she saw this Anarky person, she immediately wanted him on her side.

As soon as she arrived at Selina's apartment she'd locked herself in Selina's bedroom with a laptop to do research while the others awkwardly lounged around in the living room.

"So… Do you have any hobbies?" Selina asked the two men they'd just met.

Kite-Man and Killer Moth stayed silent, looking at each other and hoping the other one would respond. Eventually it was Killer Moth that spoke first. "I like to collect vintage soda bottles. They have some neat designs."

"That's cool, I collect some movie posters." Kite-Man remarked.

"Pretty neat." Magpie said. "You two seem pretty cool. I think you'll fit in just great."

"Thanks a lot. It's been a while since I've been part of a team." Kite-Man said.

Before the conversation could continue, the door to Selina's room burst open and out stepped Harley. "Okay bitches, I think I know what I'm doing!"

"Well, here's hoping." Ivy said. "What exactly were you doing in there?"

Harley giggled and sat down on Ivy's lap, giving her a kiss. "It's easy! We gotta find Anarky and get him to join us."

"Do you think he's even interested?" Magpie asked. "He looked kinda out of our league."

"Even if he is, we might as well try." Harley shrugged. "From what I can tell he's some kinda political extremist. He likes sabotaging corporate stuff and whatever."

"Hmmm, my kind of guy." Ivy smirked. "I need to get back into my corporate sabotage plans speaking of which…"

"Later, Ives." Harley said. "For now, we're gonna focus on finding Anarky and gettin' him on our side."

"Right… And how exactly do we do that?" Kite-Man asked.

"Great question Kite-Guy!" Harley cheered.

"Um, it's Kite-Man actually." Kite-Man spoke up.

"Whatever!" Harley excitedly jumped off of Ivy's lap and giggled. "Now, I've been lookin' at news reports about Anarky's past few crimes and thanks to my super duper detective skills I think I know where he'll be next!"

"Really?" Selina smirked. "Well, that's impressive."

"Uh… Are you sure?" Magpie asked, shifting around her posture in her chair a little. "No offence Harley, but I don't think you're known for your detective skills."

"None taken!" Harley cheered. "But don't you worry, I think I know what I'm doin'." She giggled excitedly for a moment. "Anyway, I'm fairly certain he's goin' to Wayne Tower. Accordin' to the news our boy Anarky has been on a mass vandalism and arson spree and in true supervillain form, he's been leavin' clues about where he'll go next."

"How reliable is this hunch of yours?" Killer Moth asked.

"It's kinda iffy…" Harley admitted. "So I figured, half of us could check out the actual site while the other half patrol the city. If something actually does happen at Wayne Tower, the rest of you can converge. How's that sound?"

"Pretty good plan actually." Ivy nodded. "Let's go for it."

"Yeah, this is gonna be great!" Harley cheered.

"Jesus… What have I gotten into?" Killer Moth sighed.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to the chaos." Magpie said. "I know I did."

***

Yet another half hour later, Harley had made it to a building across the street from Wayne Tower. She'd taken Killer Moth and Kite-Man with her for scouting in the hopes that she'd be able to get to know them better. While she was doing reconcaissance atop the ledge with the boys, the other girls were off elsewhere in the city looking for Anarky.

"So boys, you excited for this?" Harley asked.

"Excited about what?" Killer Moth asked.

Harley shrugged and giggled. "I dunno but whatever we're about to do is gonna be exciting! I can feel it!"

Killer Moth stared at Harley for a moment. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"A lotta things probably." Harley shrugged once more. "I try not to think about it too much!"

While Killer Moth and Harley were having their talk, Kite Man had a pair of binoculars out and was observing the Wayne Building. He focused them in at the ground floor of the place and gradually began moving up the building. At one of the middle floors he saw something that caught his eye. In one of the windows was a silhouette of someone he couldn't quite make out.

"Hey, guys, I think I see him up there." Kite-Man said. "Twelfth floor."

"Are you sure?" Killer Moth asked.

"Reasonably sure." Kite-Man nodded.

"Good enough for me!" Harley cheered. With that she grabbed a communicator device off Killer Moth's belt and pressed a button on it. "Attention girls, we got 'em!"

"Probably!" Kite-Man quickly added.

"So get over here right now so we can have a chat with Mr. Anarky one on one." Harley said. "Oh and be ready for the Bat-Brats to show up. We might have to take care of those guys."

"On it, we'll be right over." Selina's voice replied from the other end.

"So, um, how do I get across the building exactly?" Harley asked. "I know you two have your glidey things but, um, I don't."

"Well one of us could carry you." Kite-Man suggested.

"You take care of it, Kite. I've got a way for us to bust into the building without making too much damage." Killer Moth said. "I'll need both hands for it."

"Ooh, Mr. Moth's bein' fancy!" Harley giggled.

"Oh, shut up." Killer Moth rolled his eyes beneath his mask.

"Heh, didn't realize a guy dressed up like a giant bug would take himself so seriously." Harley smiled at Killer Moth and playfully poked a thim.

"Let's just do this, alright?" Killer Moth sighed.

"On it!" Harley cheered. "Kite-Man, pick me up. And don't get grabby by the way, there are ways for you to hold onto me that don't involve squeezin' my boobs."

"Hey, I wasn't thinking about it until you said it." Kite-Man said.

"Stop talking and start moving." Killer Moth said.

"Right!" Harley cheered. "Let's go!"

With that the three of them all began to make their way across to Wayne Tower. Killer Moth pressed a button on his suit that extended a pair of mothlike wings functioning as a hang glider from his back. He leaped off the side of the ledge and began gliding towards the tower. Once moth was on his way, Kite-Man wrapped his arms around Harley and leaped forward off the side of the building with her. The two of them glided through the air on Kite-Man's kite shaped parachute.

"Ah jeez! I didn't realize how far up we are!" Harley exclaimed.

"Yeah, just try not to think about it too hard." Kite-Man said. "I got over this kinda thing years ago."

While Harley anxiously clung to Kite-Man, Killer Moth took a small gun off his best and aimed it at the window he was gliding towards. Pulling the trigger, the gun fired off a large amount of a dark grey ooze that solidified in a circular shape after touching the window. He ran right into the window with his shoulder first which caused the substance and the grass to shatter in a circular pattern. He landed on the carpeted office floor, dodging the glass shards.

Kite-Man and Harley flew in through the hole in the window and landed beside Killer Moth. Once she was let go, Harley giggled and gave Killer Moth an excited hug. "Ooh! Fancy work with the window! How'd you do it?"

"It's my cocoon gun." Killer Moth held up the gun he took out. "I can adjust the viscosity and hardness of the cocoons for different situations."

Harley giggled again. "You said hardness…"

"Wow, you're really dedicated to your moth theme, impressive." Kite-Man remarked.

Before the three of them could continue their banter the mechanically filtered voice of Anarky spoke up from the darkness. "What are you idiots doing here?" Out from the darkness stepped Anarky, his golden mask shining in the dim light.

"Oh, hey there!" Harley cheered. "We were lookin' for you."

"Yes… I saw you at the Stacked Deck." Anarky got closer. "What do you want with me exactly?"

"Well, um, would you be interested in joining my team?" Harley asked.

"No. I work alone." Anarky replied bluntly. "And especially not with weirdos like you."

"Aw c'mon, ain't you gonna at least hear me out?" Harley asked, taking a few steps closer to Anarky.

"No." Anarky repeated. "Now go away." He turned around and began walking away. "I need to be prepared for the Bats to show up."

"Ooh, we can help you with those guys! I deal with them all the time." Harley offered.

"Go away!" Anarky turned around, his featureless mask staring back at her. "I don't need your damn help!"

The argument had very little chance to escalate as at that moment, a round device was thrown at Anarky's feet from out of the darkness. A smoke screen emanated from the device, causing everyone to cough.

"Damn, they're here!" Anarky shouted as he attempted to use his large red cloak to fan the smoke away.

Batgirl and Robin had arrived on the scene and were fast to jump into action while they still had the advantage over their foes. Harley felt someone kick her in the stomach, she wasn't quite sure who thanks to the lack of visibility. But because of that, she was knocked onto her back and slid across the office floor.

As the cloud dispersed things quickly became an intense game of hide and seek. Everyone was hiding in the office hoping they could find someone else and take them down before the same thing happened to them. Everyone except Anarky that is who stood in the middle of the office with his electrical sceptre out while constantly turning.

Harley's entire body was kept tight to the floor as she slowly crawled around. She tried to keep her breathing quiet so as not to attract too much attention. The stress of the situation combined with his intentionally constricted movement made her move at a snail's pace.

She made it around a corner where she saw Batgirl crouched down and looking around for any signs of her opponents. Seeing an opportunity to strike, Harley went for it and jumped forward where she landed on top of Batgirl.

"Hehe, I got you Blondie!" Harley giggled while putting her hands over Batgirl's eyes.

"Hey! Get off of me!" Batgirl moved around and managed to get Harley to fall off of her back. "There we go…"

It was right about then that Kite-Man abruptly flew over Batgirl's head after having been apparently hit with some considerable force.

"Hmmph, silly man." Robin sighed as he brushed off his shoulders. "Honestly, that was the best you could do?"

It was then that Anarky emerged from the darkness of the office and swung around his sceptre at Robin. Batgirl saw this and moved quickly, kicking Anarky in the chest and knocking him over.

"I have to say Anarky, I didn't quite see you as someone who'd hire help." Batgirl remarked.

"I didn't ask for their help, they just showed up…" Anarky groaned and began standing up.

Robin delivered another swift kick to the chest, knocking him back down. Before the fight could continue any more Batgirl noticed a light above the elevator and realized it was going up towards their floor. "Someone's coming, could be a guard but it could be backup for Anarky… Robin, you stay here while I check the elevator!"

She hurried to the elevator and took a batarang off her belt. The elevator doors opened to reveal Poison Ivy, Catwoman and Magpie on the other side. Reflexively, Batgirl threw the batarang only for it to be whipped out of the air by Catwoman.

"Nice try." Selina smirked, cracking her whip again for emphasis.

"I think it's time you took a break, darling." Ivy held out a hand and blew on it, sending a cloud of orange powder into Batigirl's. This heavily disoriented her and made her stumble around.

Magpie chuckled and sprung into action, attacking Batgirl with her sharp clawed gloves. "Ha! So this is what it feels like to win!"

Thanks to a combination of Ivy's spores and Magpie's quick attacks Batgirl was taken down. Robin saw this and hurried over to Batgirl to fight the three new opponents. It was around then that Killer Moth decided to come out of his hiding place which just happened to be on the ceiling.

He leaped down from above with his fake wings letting him glide down gracefully and pulled the trigger on his cocoon gun. The greyish substance shot from the gun and hit Robin in the chest, knocking him over. The cocoon quickly hardened, keeping Robin stuck to the ground.

"Hey, we got 'em!" Harley cheered. "Wow, I can't believe we actually did that."

"Glad we could help." Ivy remarked.

All the villains regrouped in the middle of the office together. Harley was excitedly giggling to herself. "Wow that was so much fun!"

"Good thing we got here when we did, it seemed like you were having trouble." Selina remarked.

"Hey, we were doing alright." Kite-Man said. "Y'know, mostly."

"Right…" Ivy chuckled.

Harley kept giggling somewhat uncontrollably and looked over to Anarky. "So whatta you say, big guy? Wanna join our team?"

"Hmmph…" Anarky crossed his arms. "I suppose you have proved yourself to me."

"Yay!" Harley cheered. "Welcome to the team!" In her excitement she hugged Anarky only for him to struggle against her.

"Let go of me, you weirdo…" Anarky sighed.

"Is she always like this?" Killer Moth glanced at the other girls.

"Kinda. Tonight she seems extra excited though." Ivy said.

Harley kept hugging Anarky until it seemed she knocked something over. It became quickly apparent that Anarky was not as tall as he appeared to be. Like the Great and Powerful Oz it was all trickery. Once it landed on the ground it appeared that Anarky's great height was just a wire frame with a golden mask on it and a red cloak and hat draped over the top. Once that all was gone all that was left was an average looking kid who couldn't have been more than fourteen.

"You… You're a kid." Harley said.

"Yeah, so what?" Anarky crossed his arms.

"I thought everyone knew that." Selina smirked. "Big bad Anarky is just some kid in a costume."

"Jeez, I dunno if we should be gettin' kids involved in our group…" Harley thought for a moment.

"Hey! I'm just as capable as you guys!" Anarky argued. "C'mon, I hate those big crime syndicates too. You people may not be the ones I want to associate with but… Well, enemy of my enemy I guess."

"Alright fine, you're in. But you should go home." Harley told him. "It's probably way past your bedtime." She turned around and began walking away. "But don't worry, we'll be in touch." She gestured for the others to follow her. "C'mon, I wanna get some rest too… We've got some big plans to make for the future." As Harley walked out of the room there was a big smile on her face and a gleam in her eyes. She knew that this was merely the beginning.

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since Harley formed her very small team to combat Gotham's gang problem. Not because she cared about stopping crimes of course. She just didn't like the way they were committing crimes. She'd made some contact with her own new members since their recruitment but she was still in what would be called the planning stage.

Of course at this point the planning stage meant lying in bed at 9 AM when Magpie and Selina were already awake and being gently awoken by the smell of breakfast. Harley stirred in bed and yawned a little, realizing she was nuzzled up against Ivy already. "Hmm… G'morning Pam…"

"Morning Harls, just waking up too, eh?" Ivy smiled back.

"Yeah… I gotta stop sleepin' in." Harley nodded as she gave Ivy a kiss and sat up on the couch-bed.

"Look on the bright side, at least that means we don't have to worry about breakfast." Ivy sat up as well. "Selina's always kind enough to take care of it."

"Hey, don't push my generosity." Selina chuckled from over in the kitchen.

"Aww, alright… I'm gonna be less of a lazybones now…" Harley giggled. She gave Ivy a kiss on the cheek and got off of the couch-bed. As she made her way to the kitchen she hummed to herself and gave a polite nod to Selina as she saw her serving a plate of buttered toast and scrambled eggs. "Mmm, looks yummy."

Ivy soon joined Harley at the table and helped herself to some breakfast before sitting down at the table. "Now this is how I want to start every day. Hot plate of breakfast next to a beautiful woman."

"Yeah! Only thing that could make it better is some coffee." Harley said.

"The coffee pot's on the counter. Help yourself." Magpie replied.

"Ooh, thanks, I'll go get some." Harley stood up again and made her way over to the counter to get some coffee.

While that was happening a knock came from the front door. Magpie looked around for a moment before speaking up. "I'll go check who that was."

"If they're trying to sell you something, slam the door in their face." Ivy said.

Magpie stood up from her chair and went over to the front door to see who was there. The others kept up eating breakfast quietly while Magpie went to the door. However, mere moments later, they were distracted from their quiet morning by Magpie suddenly screaming.

"Ahhh! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Magpie shouted from over by the door. "Girls! Get over here!"

In a bit of a panic, Harley, Ivy and Selina all hurry over to the front door to see what the hell was going on.

When they get over to the front door they see Magpie backed up against the wall and an envelope that had been slipped under the door.

"Maggie, what are you freaking out about now?" Selina asked.

"Look at the letter we got." Magpie said, pointing wildly at the envelope.

Selina got closer and looked down at it and realized that the envelope was green and had a purple question mark painted on it. "Oh? So the Riddler sent this?"

"Why are you freaking out?" Harley asked.

"Because… It could be booby trapped." Magpie said before quickly noticing Harley giggling. "Yes Harley, I said booby. But this is serious!"

"Trust me, traps like that aren't the Riddler's style." Selina shook her head. "All that's gonna be inside that envelope is some stupid riddle he wrote." She casually went over to the envelope and picked it up. "What do you think? Should I throw it out?"

"Open it up, I wanna see what's inside!" Harley giggled.

"I'm curious too." Ivy nodded.

"Alright, c'mon, let's go open it." Selina nodded, going back to the dining room.

Magpie heaved a sigh of relief and followed the others. "Sorry about freaking out… I'm kinda on edge."

"Too much coffee?" Ivy smirked.

"Yeah, that'd do it." Magpie nodded as they all sat back down at the dining table.

"Okay, let' see what we've got in here now." Selina casually opened up the envelope and took folded piece of paper out. Unfolding it, it became clear a message was written on it. "Hmm… All it says is 'We have a mutual enemy'. And then a bunch of numbers…"

"Let me see that." Ivy requested and Selina handed over the note. Sure enough, written in purple ink was the single sentence 'We have a mutual enemy' followed by a series of numbers written below it. "Wait a minute… I think these might be coordinates."

"To where?" Harley asked.

"Well, let's find out." Ivy said. "The downfall of Riddler in this modern age is that almost anything he comes up with can be solved with the power of the internet. So if we just put these coordinates into a GPS, we'll know exactly where to go."

"What if he's counting on that?" Selina remarked.

"What do you mean?" Magpie asked.

"I mean, what if it's a trap?" Selina suggested. "For Riddler, this kind of clue seems a bit too straightforward."

Poison Ivy nodded along. "I was considering that myself. We'll have to take precautions." She glanced over at Harley. "Call up our new friends, they should be able to help… Even if I don't quite approve of them."

"Sure thing, I'll give 'em a call." Harley nodded. "And don't worry Red, they're very trustworthy people."

"It's not that I don't trust them." Ivy said. "It's that, well, they don't seem very competent. One's gimmick amounts to a hang glider, the other just has a cocoon gun and the last one is a fourteen year old kid."

"Hey, Anarky was able to prove himself." Harley said. "So that's one outta three."

While the two of them were talking, Magpie had picked up the letter from Riddler they'd received and was inspecting it. She flipped over the piece of paper and saw more written on the back of it. A simple message, just the word 'Tonight!' written down.

"Hey, uh, guys." Magpie spoke up. "We'd better decide if we're going or not. It looks like whatever's going down is happening tonight."

"Hmmm… I say we go." Harley said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

***

That night, at a little past 10 PM, Harley, the girls and the three new members of their crew had arrived at where the coordinates led them. Specifically, they had found an old abandoned movie theatre that was scheduled for demolition in a few months.

"I'm still not sure about this…" Ivy sighed as they approached the building from the alley to avoid calling attention to themselves. "It feels too easy, like it's a trap."

"Like I said Pam, even if it is a trap, we've got safety in numbers." Harley glanced over her shoulder at the rest of her team. "Ain't that right?"

"Yeah, whatever's in there, we totally got it." Kite-Man confidently nodded.

"Somehow, the man with a kite strapped to his back does not fill me with confidence." Ivy sighed.

"Look, Ivy, try to stay optimistic for once okay?" Selina smiled. "I think this just might go well for us."

With that, Harley pushed forward, opening the side door and finding herself in the dusty old corridor of the theatre. It smelled like it hadn't been cleaned for a long time but she ignored that as she and her friends continued down the hall into the theatre.

As they walked along, Harley noticed several green arrows painted on the walls that looked like they'd been added recently. They stood out in contrast to the crumbling walls as almost untouched.

"Looks like Riddler's tellin' us where to go." Harley remarked.

"Should we follow it?" Killer Moth asked.

Magpie bit her lip. "I dunno… I've got a bad feeling about this…"

"Oh, stop being so afraid. Am I the only serious one here?" Anarky spoke up as he pushed his way to the front of the group. "Riddler doesn't kill people for no reason. And we have done nothing to upset him. Whatever the reason he sent us here, it's not to kill us."

"The kid makes a good point." Selina nodded. "I say we keep going."

Harley nodded too and kept walking. "Right… Let's just follow the arrows and see where they take us."

With that she began walking down the hallway, following the arrows and beckoning her friends to follow her. They walked down the hall, seeing the arrows grow more numerous as they went.

The corridor eventually emerged into an open room which Harley quickly realized was the old lobby of the boarded up theatre. Only it had been converted somewhat. At the centre of the room was a large circular table and a chandelier had been installed above it to make the place look somewhat sophisticated.

And of course, sitting at this table was the Riddler himself, dressed in his green suit, matching derby hat and purple tie. However, it was also clear that the Riddler was not the only one in attendance at this gathering.

Also at the table was Mr. Freeze, dressed in his metallic armour/containment suit. As was usual for him, he had a stern, stoic look on his face. Beside Mr. Freeze sat the diminutive Mad Hatter with his two large henchmen Tweedledee and Tweedledum standing on either side of him.

Across the table from those two sat a bald bespectacled man with a prominent chinstrap beard. Harley recognized him from back when she was a legitimate psychiatrist. He was Hugo Strange, a man with an interest in psychology who had taken to genetic experimentation which eventually landed him a spot in Gotham's criminal underbelly.

Sitting to Strange's right was a tall, scrawny man dressed entirely in burlap rags. He was Dr. Jonathan Crane but most called him the Scarecrow. He'd always creeped Harley out somewhat so needless to say she was not a fan of his presence here.

Finally, to Strange's left was the final person at the table. A blonde man in a orange spandex suit who went by the name Cluemaster. He wasn't taken too seriously by Gotham's criminals on account of most of them as a second rate Riddler copycat. Not to mention there were rumours he was the father of the current Batgirl floating around.

Seeing this eclectic criminal gathering, Harley continued walking forward and politely waved to the table. "Um, hey everyone. I hope I'm not late."

"Not at all Ms. Quinzel. In fact, I'm glad you're here." Riddler politely nodded as he saw her enter. He tilted his head a bit when he saw the others exit after her. "Erm, all of you. I didn't realize there were that many of you living there. That letter I sent was only intended for you and Ms. Isley."

"Uh, should the rest of us leave then?" Killer Moth spoke up.

"No, no, please stay." Riddler said. "We have strength in numbers. We only have two more chairs though. The rest of you will have to stand."

"Fine by me." Selina nodded.

Harley and Ivy walked up to the table and took the last two remaining seats. They both looked around at the other faces at this strange meeting. After a few moments of silence, Harley spoke up. "Okay, so what exactly is all this stuff? I'm kinda… Not gettin' it."

"Well, now that everyone is here, we can begin." Riddler said. "You see, all of us have a common enemy. I'm sure we're all well aware of the clash in organized crime here in Gotham. Frankly, I am not a fan of it. It makes it difficult for things to get done my way. So what I'm doing here is forming a group of people to help get rid of them."

"Hey, that's what I was doin' before i got your little." Harley remarked. "Ain't that a coincidence."

"Well, I'm glad to see our interests are aligning already." Riddler chuckled. "What say the rest of you? Are you interested?"

"I am tired of Black Mask and Two-Face's thugs coming to bother me at my lair." Mr. Freeze nodded. "I am close to curing Nora and they are making it very difficult."

"Yes… They keep trying to get me to join them." Mad Hatter said. "But we don't want any part in their silly games."

"Good, it appears we're all on the same page then." Riddler nodded and leaned forward on the table. "I'd like to form a group with you all. We'll pool our resources together and all be unstoppable."

"I see… And would you be the leader of this hypothetical group?" Scarecrow asked. "I know you have a bit of an ego, Riddler."

"Guilty as charged." Riddler chuckled. "But no, I'm trying something different this time. This group of ours will be more… Democratic."

"Good, I'm glad to see you're willing to be more cooperative Mr. Nygma." Hugo Strange nodded.

"So is this official? Are we a team?" Harley excitedly leaned on the table. "Cause if we're a team we need a cool team name. I was kinda workshoppin' some names for my own team earlier today. Wanna hear them?"

"No thank you Ms. Quinzel, that won't be necessary." Riddler replied. "I have plenty of plans for us. So everyone, are you all in?"

"Hell yeah I am!" Harley giggled. "What about you, Red?"

"Sure thing." Ivy nodded. "I think this should be an interesting venture. But if you try and cross us, you'll find it to be a regrettable decision." She glared at Riddler.

"Now, now Ms. Isley, no need for hostility." Riddler chuckled. "We can all get along here."

"I don't work with people…" Mr. Freeze sighed. "But… If you're all willing to stay out of my way, I will be willing to help."

"Yes, I'm very excited to be part of this group." Mad Hatter agreed. "Isn't that right boys?" He looked up at Dee and Dum.

"Um, yes sir." Tweedledee nodded.

"Wonderful, simple wonderful." Riddler nodded. He looked over to the other side of the table. "Question for you Cluemaster… You've been quiet. Tell me, do you want to be part of our group?"

"Hmm… No." Cluemaster shook his head. He stood up from his chair. "I don't think I'll be joining your group."

"Oh, what's the matter Arthur? Are you upset that people call you a second rate me?" Riddler smirked at Cluemaster.

"Only partially." Cluemaster muttered somewhat quietly.

"It is kinda true." Harley remarked.

"Oh, shut up." Cluemaster glared at her.

"Hey, she's kinda right." Selina said. "I don't exactly get what you do that makes you different from the Riddler."

"You know what, I don't have to take this." Cluemaster said. "You people are idiots. I'm stronger than everyone else in this room."

"I highly doubt that." Professor Strange chuckled.

Cluemaster groaned and leaned against the table. "You idiots don't get it… I'm not on your side. I'm a sleeper agent, I work for Ventriloquist. She told me that you'd been plotting something and to take you down when I found out what it was."

"Well, you make a second rate supervillain and a second rate double agent." Riddler shook his head. "You're not exactly supposed to just say things like that out lou-"

Riddler was cut off when Cluemaster put his plan into motion. He took several thin, metal rectangles that resembled playing cards out of his pocket and threw them. The people at the table were quick to dodge. Riddler's cheek was lightly grazed by one of the cards while Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze got out of the way completely.

From that point, things descended into chaos to say the least. The first thing that happened was Cluemaster flipped over the table which knocked over all those on the other side of it while keeping him, Scarecrow and Strange unscathed. After that things essentially turned into a shootout. Or rather it would have if any of the participants had a gun on them.

Harley ended up hiding behind the movie theatre's old snack counter with Ivy, Kite-Man and Anarky while listening to the fighting going on outside.

"So… Um… What happened?" Harley asked.

"Great question, I only understood about half of it." Kite-Man replied.

"I think we should grab the rest of our group and go." Ivy said. "This clearly isn't working out."

"No… We should help the Riddler." Anarky said. "On a personal level, I dislike him. But he could be a beneficial ally."

"Oh shut up, you're fourteen. You don't know anything." Ivy said.

"Hey, don't count him out just 'cause he's a kid." Harley looked over to Ivy. "Besides, I kinda agree with him. Riddler's stuck up and thinks he's smarter than us, but he knows what he's doing. I say we go help him out."

"Alright fine, let's do it." Ivy nodded.

Before their plan could spring into action, Magpie was flung over the top of the counter and landed beside them. "Oh… Hey guys… I'm just gonna lie here for a bit…" She groaned.

"You get your rest, Maggie." Harley giggled and patted Magpie on the head. "We'll take it from here."

Harley took the lead and leapt over the counter with the other three soon following her. Cluemaster was engaged in a fight with Riddler in the middle of the room. Riddler used his decorative cane to defend himself while Cluemaster jabbed at him.

Seeing an opportunity, Harley just decided to go for it and ran towards Cluemaster. Ivy reached out to stop her but she moved too fast for her to do anything. Harley giggled madly to herself as she leaped forward to and tackled Cluemaster to the ground. "Surprise!"

She tackled Cluemaster to the ground and attempted to hold him there. Cluemaster struggled beneath her and managed to get a knife out of his pocket. He tried jabbing her with it only for her to jump off of him and do a backflip just to show off. Cluemaster began to stand up only for Anarky to come onto the scene and hit him with his electric baton, socking Cluemaster with it greatly. He collapsed to the ground while Harley stood up.

Harley laughed to herself and pumped her fists up in the air. "Yeah! We did it! Heh, that guy wasn't so tough." She went over to Riddler and gave him a thumbs up. "You alright?"

"Yes, yes, thank you." Riddler nodded and dusted off his suit.

However, this celebration was short lived when Harley heard the sound of something landing on the ground near her. Looking down, she saw a bomb designed to look like a tiny jack-o-lantern. "What the…"

It soon became clear what the device was when it dispersed a cloud of bright orange gas. Harley and Ivy both coughed from inhaling it but others began to whimper and scream unintelligibly. It was clear that for some reason Scarecrow had deployed his fear gas. Ivy had a natural immunity to the stuff which she'd shared with Harley soon after they'd first met by giving her a special kind of injection. This was because at the time, the place Ivy lived was so toxic a regular human could not have survived there for long.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Ivy asked.

The gas became less thick as Scarecrow himself emerged from the cloud. "Cluemaster wasn't the only double agent in this group…" He chuckled to himself. "I've been working for Black Mask. He caught wind of Riddler's scheme and asked me to infiltrate."

"It's a pity that my gas didn't work on you two." Scarecrow sighed. "But still, I have other ways of dealing with enemies."

"Are you kiddin' me?" Harley sighed. "Is everyone here a fuckin' double agent?"

"I know you aren't, which is why I have to neutralize you." Scarecrow took a few steps closer. However, before he could make his next move, Scarecrow felt a blast of cold air coming from behind him and the next thing he knew he was encased in a block of ice.

Mr. Freeze stepped out from a pillar in the theatre he was hiding behind. "Fool… He should have known my containment suit protected me."

"Thanks for the assist, Freezie!" Harley cheered.

"Please tell us you're not a double agent too." Ivy sighed.

"No. My only allegiance is to Nora." Mr. Freeze replied.

"Yeah, I figured." Harley nodded. She looked around at the others, still under the effects of Scarecrow's fear gas. "C'mon, we should keep an eye on these guys. If we're gonna be workin' together we'll have to make sure they're all okay."

"Very well, let's go around and check." Ivy nodded.

Over the next few hours or so, Harley, Ivy and Mr. Freeze tended to the others in the group and helped them come down from the effects of the fear gas. It seemed that in all the chaos Hugo Strange had slipped away but everyone else was still there and in a rather bad state. Most of them were incoherently muttering to themselves, still under the effects of the hallucinogenic gas.

Eventually most of them were able to come back to reality and managed to act normal. Well, as normal as a group of supervillains could be anyway. Riddler set the table right side up again and arranged the chairs around it. With three members of the group incapacitated or missing, Magpie, Selina and Anarky both took the empty places at the table and sat down.

"Alright everyone, glad we got all that sorted out…" Riddler sighed. "Sorry about that whole affair."

"It's fine, we've got it all sorted out. Now haven't we?" Mad Hatter chuckled, glancing at Scarecrow encased in the chunk of melting ice.

"Oh yeah, what are we going to do about them?" Selina asked.

"Well… We could kill them." Ivy pointed out.

"No, no, that won't be necessary." Riddler shook his head. "I hate getting my hands dirty if I don't have to. We'll send them back to their bosses as a warning. That should give them a reason to be afraid of us. Humiliating your opponent is often a more effective tool than killing them."

"Just so we're clear, we're all part of this group together now, right?" Harley spoke up. "And there are no more double agents?"

"We're all on the same side now." Mad Hatter nodded.

"Good." Riddler nodded. "I've got a very good feeling about this new working relationship."

Of course, while Harley and the others celebrated their new partnership, little did they know that on the other side of the city Hugo Strange had just arrived in the head offices of the Iceberg Lounge. The Penguin was there seated at his desk while Maxie Zeus and Two-Face were away.

"What the devil happened to you, Strange" Penguin asked. "You look more shaken than usual."

"Just a run in with Scarecrow, nothing to be concerned about." Strange straightened out his necktie.

"So what brings you here then. Did you get the job done?"

"Oh yes, I did. It's just as Mr. Dent suspected. The Riddler is plotting against us."

"Hmm… Good work. I suppose we'll have to counter this somehow."

Chapter Text

The days following Harley's agreement with the Riddler had been rather odd to say the least. The first order of business after joining up with him was establishing a hideout. Since several of their enemies already knew about the abandoned theatre Riddler was set up in he was very quick to leave. This was very wise as the very next night it burned down under mysterious circumstances.

The base of operations was instead moved to an old strip club where the basement had been converted into a giant freezer by Mr. Freeze. Riddler didn't quite approve of the location and truth be told neither did Mr. Freeze but he said it was the most available to him. So until further notice this was where meetings would be held.

Most of the time Riddler communicated through emails and phone calls and had yet to actually request an in person meeting. At least, that was until one particular Sunday morning when Harley woke up to well composed email requesting all members of his group to meet up with him at Mr. Freeze's lair. Harley hadn't been doing much else that day so she jumped at the opportunity for some fun, no matter what it was.

Harley informed the rest of the girls about Riddler's update and from there all of them went out to go meet up with him. As it so happened, Mr. Freeze's strip club/converted cryogenics lab was in the same neighborhood as Selina's apartment and took only about twenty minutes to arrive at.

"Hey everyone, how's it hangin'?" Harley asked as she entered the hideout with Selina, Magpie and Ivy coming behind her. It seemed that Riddler, Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze were all already there.

"Ms. Quinzel, good to see you." Riddler nodded at her. "Where are your friends? The moth and the kite guy? Oh, and that weird little anarchist guy."

"Oh, they'll be here soon. We gave 'em a call." Harley said. She wandered over to the remains of what used to be a DJ booth. "Say, does this place have any music? It could liven the mood up a bit."

"I have a record player somewhere around here." Mr. Freeze said.

"Awesome! If ya find it, let me know!" Harley cheered.

Riddler cleared his throat to get the attention of the others. "Ahem, if I may… I'd like to begin today's meeting."

"What about Ms. Quinn's odd little friends?" Mad Hatter asked.

"Oh, we'll catch them up later." Riddler shakes his head. "Just try not to worry about it, okay?" He gestured to a small grouping of tables in front of the club's bar. "Everyone, please sit down here and pay attention."

With that the others gathered up at the tables while Riddler got behind the bar and pulled down a projection sheet. He took a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button on it. This activated a projector set up behind Harley and the others. Onto the screen it projected a slide with only two words written on it 'The Plan'.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe our group needs more members." Riddler explained. "Our team is formidable enough already but, I do believe there is one last person I'd like to have join our little group."

"And who would that be?" Selina asked.

"Yeah, I feel like we're good enough as is." Ivy nodded.

"We are, but we have to remember who we're up against." Riddler said. "These are very dangerous people with lots of resources. There is great safety in numbers. And so I present to you our newest member…" He pressed a button on the remote again and it moved to a second slide. It showed a police mugshot of a young African-American man side by side with a lower quality photo of a man dressed in a form fitting black bodysuit with a mask that covered his entire face. An emblem of a red spider was on the costume's forehead. "Meet Eric Needham, alias the Black Spider. Mr. Needham here considers himself somewhat of a hero. He doesn't have much time for colourful costume crooks like us. He targets drug dealers and smugglers, often to violent and lethal extremes. I'm guessing he's not a fan of the new gang wars going on in Gotham."

"Hmm… He could be useful." Ivy agreed. "Do you think he'd want to work with us?"

"Not quite… He avoids teaming up with other people. A regular lone wolf." Riddler said. "However, with the right kind of persuasion, anyone can change their mind." He turned off the projector and turned up the lights. "Now, the first order of business is tracking down Mr. Needham. Typically he moves around town, never staying in one place too long. But no man is invisible in this day and age. Now, once we find him I want you three to talk to him." He pointed out to his audience, first at Harley, then at Ivy and finally at Selina.

"Why us?" Harley asked.

"Well, erm, I hope I don't offend you at all but…" Riddler trailed off, trying to think of how to phrase himself. "The three of you all have certain attributes that men find appealing. Because of this, well, we think you all have a good chance of convincing Needham to join us. And failing that, I'll just get Jervis to hypnotize him."

"Right, so in other words we have tits and we can manipulate guys with them." Selina smirked.

"Uh, essentially, yes." Riddler admitted.

"Wait a minute!" Magpie suddenly stood up from her chair. "Do you not think I'm attractive?"

"Hmm? What?" Riddler asked.

"Why am I not invited to seduce this spider guy? Do you guys think I'm not pretty enough?" Magpie self consciously looked down at herself.

"No, no, Ms. Pye, I think you misunderstand. I simply worried that sending all four of you over there to talk to Mr. Needham would come off as suspicious." Riddler explained. "Believe me, you are incredibly attractive."

"Th- Thank you." Magpie nervously nodded and sat back down.

Selina gleaned over at Magpie then back to Riddler before speaking up. "Tell you what, let's just send in two of us in at first. If Black Spider isn't being cooperative, the other two will be the backup. How's that?"

"Sure, it still seems like a reasonable plan." Riddler nodded. "For now, you can return to business as usual. I'll update you when we're able to find Needham. It should be fairly soon."

"Well, we should be available then." Harley nodded. "I ain't exactly got much planned for the day."

"This works out wonderfully then." Riddler nodded. "I'll likely be sending you the information you need tonight. See you then."

***

From there the day went on as planned for the girls. They returned to Selina's apartment where they did their best to relax. The four of them ended up watching some movies together and just generally hanging out around the apartment. At around 7 PM, they received a phone call from the Riddler informing them that the Black Spider was tracked down to his last known location to a shady motel on Gotham's southside, near the bay.

The four women drove down to the location and once they did they decided to try their best to look inconspicuous by taking a seat at a cafe across the street from the motel while they made plans. All four girls ordered themselves some coffee to keep them alert for the upcoming mission. Harley also decided to get herself a blueberry muffin to snack on as well.

"So girls, what's the plan for dealing with Black Spider?" Harley asked through a mouthful of muffin.

"Well… I think I should probably hang back at first." Ivy admitted. "My unnatural skintone is likely to stand out. Yours too Harley. But there are a lot more pale girls out there than there are green girls."

"Hmm, good point." Harley said. "But I'd like to go in first, I like messin' with guys."

"Indeed." Selina smirked. "It's fun to tease them. I'd like to go with you."

"Works for me." Magpie nodded. "I don't really have much experience doing the seducing thing."

"Alright, then it's settled." Harley nodded. "Me 'n Selina will go in and do our thing and if that doesn't work out you two can be our backup."

"I'm gonna go put on my catsuit." Selina smirked. "Guys go crazy over girls in tight clothes."

"Ooh great idea! I'm glad I packed my jester suit, I'll go change into that." Harley smiled.

"We'll wait here." Ivy said. "And we'll be keeping an eye on you if you need us."

After finishing their coffee and muffin, Harley and Selina went back to Selina's car and got changed into their respective costumes. Once appropriately dressed, the two of them went over to the motel and found the room number Riddler told them about.

As they approached the door Harley couldn't help but giggle in excitement. "Y'know, it's been way too long since I got a chance to seduce someone." She thought for a moment. "Well, that ain't totally true. I seduce Pammy all the time. But she's my girlfriend so it's different."

"Well, this should be a fun refresher course for you." Selina smirked as she unzipped her catsuit, exposing a considerable amount of cleavage. Once that was done, she knocked on the front door of the motel room and waited for a response. A few moments later the door cracked open slightly and out from it looked a man who matched the photograph they'd seen earlier.

"Hello?" the man inside said, seeming confused. "Who are you?"

"You're Eric, right?" Selina smiled at him. "A friend sent the two of us over to check in on you and have a little chat. May we come in?" She leaned forward more, intentionally making sure he got a good eyeful of her cleavage.

Eric was momentarily flustered by this but quickly regained his composure. "Look, I know who you girls are. You're supervillains, right? Or at the very least, very convincing impersonators. I want to know what the hell you're doing here."

"Now, now, no need for hostility here." Selina chuckled. "We just came over to chat. We mean you no harm if that's what you're worried about."

"Yeah, c'mon big guy! We just wanna talk." Harley added.

Eric paused for a moment, looking over the both of them. His eyes lingered on Selina's breasts which she took notice of. After a few more moments of silence he spoke up. "Fine. Come in. But don't stay too long. I have places to be tonight." The door opened all the way, revealing the rather shabby interior of the motel.

He turned around as Selina and Harley entered. Harley hummed to herself a little and decided to strike up some small talk. "So Eric, you havin' a nice night?"

"As well as I can." Eric took a seat on the edge of his bed. "Look, girls, can you just get to business. You obviously have some ulterior motives for being here."

"How can you tell?" Selina smirked. "Maybe we're just two friendly women who like making new friends?" She got closer to him, reaching forward and put a hand on his leg.

"Somehow I find that unlikely." Eric looked her straight in the eye. "Be honest with me, what do you want here?"

"Aww, someone's grumpy." Harley giggled and sat down on the bed beside Eric. She put a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, don'cha ever wanna loosen up? Have some fun? You look gloomier than the big bad Bat."

"Don't talk to me about Batman." Eric said. "Not a fan of him."

"Yeah us bad guys don't like him much." Harley nodded, reaching up to touch his shoulders. "We can all agree about that."

Eric looked over to Harley and glared at him. "I am not a bad guy, as you put it. I help people. I do things Batman is too weak to."

"Right…" Selina trailed off, chuckling a little. "I think you take yourself a bit too seriously."

"Maybe you don't take yourself seriously enough." Eric glared at them.

"Look, Spider-Guy, we've been dancing around the question for way too long." Harley giggled and lay down on the bed, stretching out. "We were sent here by the Riddler and, well, we got a bit of a mutual problem."

"A mutual problem?" Eric repeated.

"Oh, so now you're listening." Selina chuckled, squeezing his leg and leaning in some more.

While Selina and Harley were inside the motel sweet talking Black Spider, Magpie and Ivy were waiting in the parking lot inside Selina's car. Ivy sat in the backseat, still sipping on her coffee while Magpie sat in the front with a pair of binoculars in an attempt to peep into Black Spider's room.

"So Margaret, see anything?" Ivy asked as she nursed her coffee.

"No…" Magpie shook her head. "Damn blinds are closed."

"Well I'm sure if the girls need help we'll know." Ivy said.

"Yeah I guess…" Magpie sighed. She put down her binoculars and looked back at Ivy. "Hey, Pamela, am I attractive?"

"Are you still stuck on that?" Ivy asked.

"A little, yeah." Magpie admitted. "I… I like feeling pretty." She let out another sigh and turned around in her chair. "C'mon Ivy, please tell me…"

"Magpie, you are a beautiful woman." Ivy said. "I think that's just objective. You're incredibly athletic, you have very soft looking skin and, well, not to be crass but you have some other very noticeable assets." She gestured to Magpie's chest.

"Thank you…" Magpie smiled at Ivy. "I like it when I'm told I'm pretty. You're very pretty Ivy."

"Are you hitting on me?" Ivy asked with a smirk.

"What? No, no no, of course not." Magpie shook her head. "I know you and Harley are an item. Plus I'm straight."

"I thought you and Selina were together?" Ivy asked.

"It's… She's the only girl I'd do that kinda stuff with. It's special with her." Magpie found herself blushing a little.

"However you want to define yourself it's none of my business." Ivy shrugged and took a sip of her coffee.

Magpie picked up her binoculars and looked through them again. This time she saw something different. The blinds to Black Spider's room were open. She saw Harley standing in the window and waving down at them.

"Oh, Ivy, it looks like Harley's trying to get our attention." Magpie said, glancing back at Ivy. "C'mon, let's go."

"Ah, finally, some excitement." Ivy smiled and stood up. "Let's get moving."

The two women exited the car with Magpie locking the vehicle behind them. They went up to the motel's second floor and found the room Black Spider was renting out. Ivy decided to take the lead and knocked at the door.

Soon enough, Harley opened up the door with a big grin on her face. "Hey ya girls! Great to see you. I think we're makin' progress with this guy. He seems interested in our group. Figured we'd invite you up."

"Thank you very much Harley, how thoughtful of you." Ivy nodded as she entered. Once inside she saw Eric in the midst of putting on his Black Spider costume. "Okay… What's going on here?"

"I'd like to come down to your hideout, meet your boss." Eric replied. "These two have explained their proposal to me. Frankly… I'm not sure how to feel about working with the likes of you."

"Aww c'mon, don't you trust us." Selina smirked at him, leaning in again.

"I'm not playing your temptress game, cat." Eric sighed as he zipped up his suit. "Now then, let's prepare to leave." He then put his mask over his face. "Well, what are you waiting for, let's go."

A mere forty five minutes later, the girls and Black Spider had gotten into Selina's car and driven across town back to Riddler's new hideout. When they first parked outside Eric was a bit taken aback. When he heard they were taking him back to Riddler's hideout. He was not expecting to see a boarded up old strip club.

"Is this seriously where you guys are holding up?" Black Spider asked.

"It's, um, better on the inside." Harley said.

"Oh come on Eric, you're a sensible man. Doesn't part of you get turned on just at the idea of a strip club?" Selina leaned in beside him and ran her hand along his thigh. "You're surrounded by four very attractive women… You don't have to pretend to be all stoic for us."

"I'm not pretending…" Black Spider quietly muttered, remaining completely still.

"Sure you aren't…" Selina leaned in, still rubbing her hand against his thigh and showing off her cleavage once more. "Admit it, I'm turning you on. I bet you're getting a little hard now, aren't you?"

"You know you don't have to keep doing that, Selina." Ivy said. "He agreed to come with us."

"Oh, I know." Selina nodded. "I just think it's fun to tease men. Women too actually." She looked over her shoulder at Magpie and gave her a wink.

"Look, let's just go in and explain the situation to Riddler." Ivy said as she opened up the car door.

"Right, let's go!" Harley cheered as she began exiting as well. Soon enough the four women left the car with Black Spider following them. The group entered the club from the side with Harley excitedly taking the lead.

"Hey Nygma, we're back!" Harley cheered. "We brought a new friend over!"

Riddler was sitting behind the bar pouring over some papers, occasionally jotting down a note. Seeing the girls enter, he glanced up at them. "Oh, hello girls. Good to see you."

"We got the spider!" Harley giggled excitedly.

Riddler peeked up from his papers and smiled when he saw Black Spider entering behind the girls. "Ah, so wonderful to see you Mr. Needham. I trust the girls have explained things to you?"

"More or less." Black Spider nodded. "This one just keeps trying to hit on me." He pointed over to Selina. "But I think I understand. You want me to help you in taking out competition."

"No, no, not competition exactly." Riddler chuckled. "Frankly, I don't like organized crime. You see, well, I prefer big complicated tests of wit meant to get revenge on those who slighted me years ago. All those gunrunners and drug smugglers, they're not my style. And the more of them in the city the harder it is to operate."

"They're the lowest form of scum." Black Spider nodded. "They poison this great city. I can tolerate costumed weirdos like you people. But people like Black Mask or Two-Face, their gangs prey on the weak and innocent."

"Well, good for you. A strong moral compass is what we need in this day and age." Riddler said. "So are you interested in joining us?"

"Yes." Black Spider nodded. "But there will need to be a few rules I expect you people to follow."

"And what would those be?" Riddler asked.

"Three simple rules. We will not hurt or kill any innocent people." Black Spider began. "We do not steal for only personal gain. And if one of us is apprehended by the police, we will work together to break each other out."

"Aren't you noble?" Riddler chuckled. "Alright Mr. Needham, I'll agree to your rules. I try to avoid killing anyway. Welcome to the team." He held out a hand for him to shake.

Black Spider paused before shaking back reluctantly. "Don't make me regret this, Riddler."

"Oh trust me, you won't." Riddler nodded.

***

Several hours later, Riddler and Black Spider had gone through some rather boring negotiations that the girls were forced to sit through. But once they ended, they found themselves back at Selina's apartment.

Things were beginning to wind down. Magpie was in the bathroom brushing her teeth while Selina had already changed into her sleeping clothes and was in her bedroom. Harley and Ivy were both cuddled up on the couch together watching a late night rerun of Gilligan's Island.

"Hmm… You know, I'm just gonna say it, Ginger is really sexy." Harley giggled while watching the show.

"Guess you've always had a thing for redheads, huh?" Ivy chuckled and playfully held Harley closer to her.

"Ah c'mon, you were thinkin' it too." Harley smirked at Ivy.

"Fair enough." Ivy nodded.

The two of them continued watching TV in silence for a few more minutes until they heard the water in the bathroom turn off and saw Magpie stepping out. "Hey girls, bathroom's all yours if you need it."

"Thank you kindly." Harley nodded as Magpie went to join Selina in her bedroom.

Ivy stood up and glanced over to Harley. "Well, I'll be in the bathroom if you need me."

"Alrighty! I'll let'cha know how the episode goes." Harley nodded. She paused for a moment before looking back to Ivy. "Hey Red, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"Do ya think this is all a good idea? The whole thing with the Riddler and the gangs."

"I don't think I get what you mean."

Harley sighed. "I just thought that once we got back to Gotham things would calm down."

Ivy chuckled and shook her head. "Things don't ever seem to do that here. But you can look on the bright side."

"Yeah, we'll always have each other." Harley found herself blushing a bit as she looked up at Ivy. "Well, let's get ready for bed. I dunno what'll happen next with all this gang stuff but I think things'll be alright in the end…"

Chapter Text

The Iceberg lounge was one of the most renowned clubs in all of Gotham City. It had fine dining, live music and excellent service. Of course it was not a club without controversy. The Lounge's owner, one Oswald Cobblepot, had been caught up in scandal time and time again. Of course thanks to a wide reaching net in the criminal underworld and access to several high priced lawyers, Cobblepot had never been convicted of anything and the Iceberg Lounge continued to be a success.

Of course even though he'd never been arrested, that still didn't mean things were constantly tranquil for him. On this particular day, Cobblepot was up in his office speaking with two business partners of his; Maximilian "Maxie" Zeus and Harvey Dent.

Harvey paced around the circular office while Zeus sat in a corner thinking to himself. Cobblepot remained at his desk, puffing on a cigar.

"Gentlemen… What do you make of our problem?" Cobblepot took the cigar out of his mouth and spoke up.

"We must deal with it with the speed of Hermes." Zeus said.

It had come to the attention of Oswald Cobblepot that there was a team of sorts uniting against him. A team including a few concerning people like Riddler, Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy. As well as a few lesser threats like Killer Moth and Kite-Man. But still, it was enough to put him on edge. Especially considering that him and his compatriots were already in a rivalry with two other crime groups within Gotham.

"I agree with Zeus." Harvey sighed as he rolled his lucky coin between his fingers. "Things are looking bad for us. What do you suppose we do?"

"I say we go on the offensive." Zeus said. "A war plan worthy of Aries himself."

"Your enthusiasm is appreciated Maxie." Cobblepot nodded. "However, I think it's best to take a diplomatic approach. A group such as this provides a great threat not only us, but to our own enemies as well. Maybe we could join up against Riddler's group? Enemy of my enemy and all that."

"Both ideas have merits." Harvey remarked. "Perhaps we should leave it up to the coin to decide?"

"Oh, you and that damn coin?" Cobblepot sighed. "You can't just live your life by chance. You'll never get anything done?"

"Really now?" Harvey smirked. "It's worked for me so far."

"I'd like to point out that you're missing half of your face." Cobblepot smirked.

"King Midas, I do believe Janus here has a point." Zeus spoke up. "The Fates know what is best or us. After all, we have the will of the Gods on our side."

"Oh alright fine, flip your coin." Cobblepot sighed. "Honestly, I can't believe I'm the rational one here."

"Thank you Oswald, it's a very simple process. Hasn't let me down yet." Harvey took his coin and tossed it up in the air. He caught it and opened his palm, staring at the result. "Hmm, good side up. Alright Oz, we'll go with your plan. Let's give the others a call and see if they're interested in a negotiation."

***

About a week following this private conversation, Harley had found herself sent an urgent email from the Riddler at three in the morning. Uncharacteristically for Riddler, the email seemed to be typed hastily and was full of spelling mistakes and punctuation errors. It said something about calling an emergency meeting at the hideout that must immediately be attended.

Harley stared at her phone screen in confusion for several moments, reading over the message multiple times. Moments after, a much more calmly composed email from Mr. Freeze was sent out confirming Riddler's statement and giving much less frenzied instructions.

With a little sigh, Harley sat up in bed and shook Ivy by the shoulder. "Psst, Ives, get up."

"Hmm… What…" Ivy muttered.

"Emergency meeting, we gotta go down to see Riddler and the other boys." Harley whispered.

"Oh dammit… This had better be for a good reason." Ivy sighed and stood up. "I'll go wake up Magpie and Selina, you go get dressed."

"Alrighty…" Harley sighed. "Man, ya think bein' a supervillain would be more relaxin'."

Over the course of the next little while the girls were all woken up and worked swiftly to change out of their pajamas and into their more extravagant supervillain costumes. Once that was done they all piled into Selina's car and made haste to get to their strip club/villainous lair in time.

Soon enough they arrived at the club. On the way over there they stopped at an all night convenience store and used the coffee machine to wake themselves up. The employed looked too tired and confused to question their costumes and they left without much incident.

They arrived at the club and entered the main room, quickly seeing that everyone else had gotten there before them and that Riddler had once again set up a large table in the middle of the room.

It seemed that they weren't the only ones who were annoyed and tired by the whole ordeal. Kite-Man and Killer Moth looked like they had both put on their respective costumes in a hurry. Mad Hatter was nervously pouring himself a cup of tea, his hands shaking and spilling drops onto his outfit. Anarky seemed to have it worst of all, having removed his mask/height extending device and was resting his head on the table seemingly half asleep.

Even the Riddler himself seemed to have trouble composing himself. He only had his jeans and green button up shirt on while seemingly having left his usual hat, tie and jacket elsewhere. Despite his uncharacteristically dishevelled appearance, Riddler spoke up. "Ladies and gentlemen, now that you're all here I have some rather grave news to share."

"Does grave mean bad?" Harley asked.

"Yes it does." Riddler nodded. "I've been paying off the highly connected information broker Noah Kuttler, alias the Calculator, to feed me information regarding our three mutual enemies. And well, as it so happens, there is some big news about them."

"Was it really news worth waking us up at this ungodly hour?" Ivy sighed.

"Yes, yes it was." Riddler bluntly stated. "You see, it seems that the three factions of ours are wise to our group and are planning to all meet together tonight. Meeting specifically for the purpose of discussing how to get rid of us. If the three of them call a truce to eliminate us, I think it's most certainly the end of our little game. If we aren't killed then we'll either have to join them or just allow them to continue their ridiculous war."

"Do you have any plan to combat this?" Mad Hatter asked as he poured himself out the last of his teapot.

"Indeed. It's very intricate and has no room for incompetency." Riddler eyed Kite-Man and Killer Moth for a few moments before continuing. "Firstly, I know where the meeting will be. It will be at a dining establishment on Gotham's west end. I will give the GCPD an anonymous tip about this meeting. If all goes well several arrests of our rivals should go down tonight."

"That plan doesn't seem too complicated." Kite-Man remarked.

"I wasn't finished." Riddler went on. "Frankly, I seriously doubt the competency of Gotham's police department at times so I can't simply leave it up to them. No, we will launch an assault on them while their guards are down. I already sent Mr. Needham out there for reconnaissance and he should report back to me shortly." He reached under his chair and took out a rolled up piece of paper. Unfurling it onto the table, it became clear that it was some sort of a hand drawn map. It appeared to be put together very hastily. "Behold!"

Harley stared at it, completely clueless as to what all the dots, X's and arrows meant. "Okay, what's this mean?"

"An outline of my plan." Riddler explained. "We all play unique but equally important rules. We will be separated into four teams. The first team will secure the perimeter. As I said, Black Spider is already on that. Catwoman, Mothman, you will join him." He gave a nod to Anarky and Killer Moth.

"It's, um, Killer Moth sir." Killer Moth corrected.

"This should be a piece of cake. Being unnoticed is my specialty." Selina smirked.

"Good." Riddler nodded. "Now, team B will work undercover. Once we know the perimeter is safe you will all infiltrate disguised as waiters. Once there, you will slip a poison into the food ordered. It is non lethal but will provide serious indigestion to whoever eats it, this will weaken our opponents for stage three. Our three waiters will be played by Harley, Magpie and Kite-Man."

"Wait, why me?" Kite-Man asked. "I dunno if I'm good at undercover stuff."

"It's a fairly easy task. I'm sure Ms. Pye and Ms. Quinzel will be able to guide you." Riddler said. "Now then, this brings me to Team C. This will be the assault team. Their duty will be to attack our enemies once they consume the aforementioned poison. Don't kill them, but wear them down for when the police show up. By this point I should have already phoned in an anonymous tip. This team will consist of Mr. Freeze, Anarchy and Poison Ivy."

"Hmm, that does sound rather fun." Ivy remarked.

"Now, this brings us to the final part of the mission. Team D, the exfiltration team." Ridder went on. "We're responsible for making sure everyone gets out in one piece. That role falls to myself and Mad Hatter. Is everything clear?"

"Uh, mostly." Harley uncertainly nodded.

"Good, we'll head out immediately." Riddler said. "Again, this is very sensitive in nature."

Harley heaved a slight sigh. She was never very good at technical operations like this one. Not with Joker's elaborately ridiculous schemes or with Ivy's complex environmental crimes. But she took a deep breath and hoped that the rest of the team would be competent enough to make up for her nervousness.

***

Across town there was an unassuming looking restaurant called The Sheffield Lodge. As the name suggested, the place was designed to invoke images of England. Or at least an American perception of it. The place was adorned with taxidermy and paintings of important looking moustached men in suits and women in lavish dresses.

Of course tonight the place held a dark secret. The place was in actuality a money laundering front for the Riley crime family and tonight it had been chosen as a meeting place for three very important groups of people.

On a building across from the restaurant stood Black Spider. He'd pulled his mask off part way and was looking through a pair of binoculars at the building. For a little while now he'd been examining the place, trying to figure out the best way to get in.

He became distracted from these thoughts when he heard the sound of someone lightly landing behind him. Quikly, he pulled his mask back on and whirled around only to see Selina and Killer Moth. "Oh, only you two. Did Riddler send you?"

"You know it. We're supposed to help secure the perimeter or whatever." Selina said.

"How do we do that exactly?" Killer Moth asked.

"You two are just in time." Black Spider passed the binoculars over to Selina. "It seems that our enemies have the place guarded. They've left the front unguarded but they're patrolling the allies and side doors. We'll need to slip down there and take them out stealthily."

"No problem, I can do that." Selina nodded. "I've done enough jewel heists to know what to do."

"Alright good." Black Spider nodded. "Looks like there are three guards around the side. One for each of us. Ready to move in?"

"More or less." Killer Moth said.

"Good." Black Spider nodded.

With it all decided, the three of them moved in on the offensive. Selina was the first to make a move once the three guards were separated. She wrapped part of her whip around a fire escape and dropped down on the man when he stopped to smoke a cigarette. Working fast, Selina wrapped her thighs around his neck and held him like that until he passed out.

Smirking, she dropped down and stared at the unconscious body for a moment. "Hmm, how odd. Most people enjoy being between my legs."

The second guard to go down was taken out by Black Spider. He dropped behind a patrolling guard and quickly pulled a tranquilizer gun off his belt. He fired off the gun and a dat was plunged into the guard's neck and caused him to collapse. Satisfied, Black Spider holstered the gun again.

Finally it was Killer Moth's turn. He glided down from across the street while brandishing his cocoon gun. Aiming it carefully, he fired it off and hit the final guard right in the chest. Before the guard had a chance to scream and sound the alarm, Killer Moth shot off the gun several more time. By the time he landed on the ground, the guard was completely enveloped in a cocoon.

With the guards taken out, Selina took a small communicator off her belt. "Riddler, it's me. We did our job. You can send in the second team."

After the three of them were done with their job, they made haste to leave while the B Team moved in. By this point, Riddler had parked a bright green van across the street from the restaurant. The van contained plenty of equipment and the rest of his team awkwardly squeezed inside.

Harley was the first to leave once it was announced that it was her team's turn to move in. She giggled to herself as she crossed the street with Magpie and Kite-Man trailing behind her. The three of them made it over to the side of the restaurant and entered through the side door.

As soon as they entered they saw a waitress relaxing and leaning against the wall while browsing her phone. She immediately took notice of the three intruders. "Hey, who are you guys?"

The only response she got was a punch in the face from Harley which knocked her back into the wall and into unconsciousness. Heaving a relieved sigh, Harley looked back at her partners. "Mags, you put on her clothes. Me and Kitey are gonna go find some uniforms for ourselves."

"Oh, uh, okay." Magpie quickly nodded and went over to the unconscious waitress and began carefully removing her uniform.

While Magpie got changed, Kite-Man and Harley moved further into the restaurant. As they went down the hallway they found it opened out into the kitchen. Both having the same idea, they pressed themselves against a wall to avoid being spotted through the glass in the double doors ahead of them.

"What do we do here?" Kite-Man whispered.

"This'll be easy." Harley whispered back. "I've done jobs like this before. We burst in there, scare all the kitchen staff, tie 'em up and steal their outfits."

"I'm not totally sure…"

"Do you have any plans?"

"Uh, no I don't."

"In that case we'll go with mine."

Kite-Man nodded and looked to Harley, ready to follow her lead. Seeing this, Harley wasted no time springing into action. She took out her popgun and stuffed an oversized cork into it before taking her oversized mallet off her back. "Alrighty, let's go!"

She charged ahead with Kite-Man hurrying along behind her. Taking a deep breath and preparing to put on a show, Harley kicked open the doors to the kitchen. "Alright everyone, down on the ground!" She wildly swung around her hammer, accidentally knocking over a man washing dishes.

All eyes were on Harley and Kite-Man after the rather dramatic entrance Harley made. Seeing this Harley smiled and continued to point around with her mallet and popgun. "That's right everyone, don't move…"

"Wait, do you want us to get on the ground or not move?" A waiter spoke up.

"Uh, both." Harley replied. "Get on the ground and then stop moving."

It was around then that Magpie came charging into the room dressed in the waitress uniform. It was a bit too small on her but she did her best to look natural. 'Sorry I'm late every- What's going on here?"

"Hey Maggie, do something threatening." Harley casually said to her.

Magpie felt flustered and quickly felt around in the pockets of the waitress uniform. She took out some smoke bombs she'd stuffed in there while changing and quickly threw them on the ground. The room was soon blanketed by a haze of smoke and the sound of coughing.

It wasn't quite what Harley had expected but it did give her the edge she needed. She, Kite-Man and Magpie were able to take advantage of the situation and incapacitate the kitchen staff. By the end of it, Kite-Man had tied up most of the staff with kite string and they'd been stuffed into the pantry. One particularly unlucky waiter and waitress were stripped down to their underwear so Harley and Kite-Man could use their clothes as a disguise.

"This doesn't feel my size…" Kite-Man sighed.

"You'll get used to it." Harley said. "Now c'mon, let's go serve the table. You have the poison, right Mags?"

"Oh, right." Magpie reached into her pocket and took out a small pill bottle. She looked around and noticed a piece of paper clipped up above the cooking station. It seemed there was only one order in tonight which made her job easier. A soup, a pasta dish, a chocolate mousse and some fried fish. She poured out some of the poison pills into her hands, crushing them up and liberally sprinkling them into the food. Once it was done, she dusted off her hands and gave a thumbs up to Harley and Kite-Man. "Alright, let's go. Just act natural."

"Natural, natural, right…" Kite-Man takes a deep breath and picks up one of the trays.

"Just stay quiet, okay?" Magpie whispered to him.

The three of them exited the kitchen carrying the trays. Kite-Man stayed in the back carrying a plate of fried fish while Magpie and Harley took the lead with the rest of the plates. It seemed that the rest of the restaurant was completely empty, apparently having been cleared out for the night. This made finding the proper table rather easy as all they had to do was follow the sounds of talking into the next room.

Entering, they soon saw a fairly large group of people gathered at a large table. Immediately she recognized Scarecrow and Jaina Hudson at the table. Although Ms. Hudson's scantily clad doppelganger was nowhere to be found, Harley scanned the room to make sure there weren't any underwear models hiding in the shadows.

Also at the table was Hush, who Selina had mentioned running into a little while ago. Apparently he was a lieutenant of the Ventriloquist. Harley had only really worked with him once back in the day. It was part of some elaborate plan that she didn't quite know all the details of. All she knew was that she got orders from him and Riddler to rob an opera house. Apparently it was supposed to bring down Batman but since he was still alive and kicking, Harley guessed that Hush's plan did not go well.

It seemed like these three had been called in to talk on behalf of their respective bosses. But they weren't the only ones there. It seemed as if they'd each elected to bring some additional security with them. Sitting beside Jaina was the imposing figure of Solomon Grundy, a hulking, chalk white zombie in a tattered black suit. Right next to Scarecrow was a tall muscular man in a black and red costume who seemed to have a gun for an arm. Harley had seen him around a few times. He went by KGBeast, a former Soviet assassin turned gun for hire in Gotham following the fall of the USSR.

Finally, next to Hush, was somebody Harley was actually quite familiar with. It was Killer Croc, a large man who looked like a reptile. Although according to Croc himself, it was simply a very bad skin condition combined with an impressive physique. Harley and Croc had something of a friendship during the time where they were both forcibly recruited into Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad.

Realizing Killer Croc might recognize her, Harley began to panic about her cover being blown. In fact she realized that Scarecrow and Jaina also ran the risk of recognizing her. But she decided to push these thoughts to the back of her mind. She bit her lip and took a few deep breaths as she approached the table. After pushing her worries to the back of her head, she decided to be quiet and listen in on the conversation as she approached the table.

"Say, who exactly is paying for all of this when we're done?" Killer Croc spoke up, looking around the table.

"Oh, leave it to me." Jaina replied. "I have very deep pockets."

"Please, allow me to pay." Hush said. "It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

"Can we focus on the task at hand?" Scarecrow asked. "We're here to discuss the issue our employers have discovered. As someone who was present at this meeting, I have to tell you that these people are not as stupid as they look."

"So I've heard." Jaina nodded. "I do think our alliance could be… Mutually beneficial."

Killer Croc sniffed at the air. "Just a sec, I smell fish. I think our food's ready."

Harley nervously smiled as she approached the table. "Okay, who here ordered the soup?"

"That would be me, thank you." Hush smiled under his bandages as Harley put his soup down in front of him. "The pasta is for Mr. Crane over there."

Harley nodded and placed the pasta dish in front of him.

"And I'm assuming you ordered the fish, eh big guy?" Kite-Man politely smiled at Killer Croc and put the plate in front of him.

"And who's the mousse for?" Magpie asked.

"That would be me. I've got a bit of a sweet tooth." Jaina admitted as Magpie placed it in front of her.

"We hope you enjoy the meal." Magpie said as she turned away and began walking away with the other two. She noticed the speed at which Kite-Man was going and cleared her throat. "Not too fast… We don't want them getting suspicious…"

Harley looked over her shoulder and smiled when she noticed them beginning to dig into their meals. She even saw Solomon Grundy steal a bite of mousse from Jaina. Heaving a sigh of relief Harley began to walk ever so slightly faster as she left. "Okay… Now hopefully Eddie sends in team three to do their thing before anything goes terribly wrong."

It was then that a familiar, gruff voice made itself known from behind Harley. "Hey, Harls, what the hell're you doing here?"

Turning around she saw Killer Croc approaching her with a big smile on his face. "Man, it's been forever. What're you doing working at this place? Finally decided to get a honest job?"

"Um, yeah. I did." Harley nervously smiled. "You enjoyin' the food?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's good fish. Compliments to the chef." Croc nodded. "Y'know if you ever wanna get back into the whole crime game you can talk to me. Ms. Ventriloquist, my boss, she's always looking for new recruits." He chuckled a bit. "Y'know I almost didn't recognize you 'til that nice Jaina lady pointed you out to me."

"Ah jeez Croc… You're makin' me feel bad." Harley guiltily looked down at the ground.

"Huh? What're you talking about?" Killer Croc asked.

"Okay, so, in about ten seconds yer gonna feel like you're about to throw up and I just wan'cha to know that I didn't know you were part of all this." Harley nervously fidgeted some more. "Well, um, bye!"

With that she quickly turned around and began to awkwardly run away with Kite-Man and Magpie soon following her. Croc just stood there, completely confounded by what just happened as he watched Harley disappear into the kitchen.

As Harley guiltily made her exit, she heard the sounds of the C Team making their entrance on the scene. He heard the sound of ice cracking which was likely Mr. Freeze taking down one of the walls followed by the sound of plants growing at a rapid rate. Finally there was an electrical buzz that was likely Anarky's special staff.

Of course she and her cohorts had little time to think about that as they hurried out through the kitchen and out the back door they came in from. Once they were outside the sound of police sirens became immediately obvious. Seems like Riddler put in the call already.

"This is the GCPD! We have the building surrounded!" an office's voice boomed through a megaphone. Harley and the others all paused, looking around the alley for some possible way to escape.

"So, um, any ideas?" Magpie asked. "Usually I don't set off any alarms when I'm escaping…"

Harley nervously looked around until she saw something very fortuitous, a fire escape that had been lowered. It was strange, she didn't remember it being lowered when she first entered the building but she wasn't going to say no to an easy way out.

"C'mon, this way!" Harley led the charge over to the fire escape and began climbing her way up it. Kite-Man and Magpie soon followed her up the fire escape further and further.

"I'm a little worried…" Magpie muttered.

"Save your worries for later, we're gonna get through this." Harley said, although she didn't quite believe herself. Nevertheless, she continued up the fire escape until she found herself on top of an apartment building. The first thing she noticed on the roof was the Mad Hatter seated upon a small metal chair and sipping a teacup. "Oh, hello! Glad you got here. Nice Mr. Riddler told me to help extract you."

"Thank god for that." Magpie sighed. "I take it you're the one who let down the fire escape?"

"Yes, yes, that was my work." Mad Hatter proudly nodded.

"That's great!" Harley cheered. "And how're we gonna get down from here?"

"Oh dear…" Mad Hatter trailed off. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Not to worry, I've got this!" Kite-Man proudly declared as he ripped off his shirts to reveal his outfit underneath. "Ready to go gliding?"

"Um, no." Magpie said.

"Too bad! C'mon, grab on!" Kite Man pressed a button on his outfit, causing the wings of his kite-shaped hang glider to extend from the pack on his back. "Everyone, grab onto me and I'll glide us to safety!" He went over to the edge of the building and gestured for the others to hold him.

Harley and Magpie both wasted no time and grabbed onto Kite-Man from either side. Mad Hatter hesitated slightly but ended up grabbing onto him all the same. His head only came up to a little above Kite-Man's waist. He hated being reminded of his short stature but right now wasn't the time for such things.

With all of them hanging on, Kite-Man leapt forward off the building and glided across the city. It was somewhat awkward with the three people clinging to him but he did his best.

"Oh god, oh god… We're gonna die…" Magpie began breathing heavily.

"Relax, I'm used to carrying heavy things while gliding." Kite-Man said. "Once I tried to steal this huge moon rock from the Gotham Natural History Museum. I was caught by Batman but, uh, that's neither here nor there."

Despite the apprehension of all parties, the flight went well. It seemed that GCPD was more focused on the chaos at the restaurant and the four of them were able to slip away unnoticed.

From there it was a relatively smooth flight back to home base. Kite-Man touched down on the roof of the club and his three passengers all let go. Mad Hatter took it the worst, immediately falling to the ground. Harley and Magpie both attempted to walk with only Harley being successful and Magpie's shaky legs causing her to fall down.

"I'll be okay…" Magpie muttered.

"Phew! Now that was fun!" Harley giggled as she reached down to help Mad Hatter and Magpie stand up. "Hope the other guys were able to get back alright."

The four of them took the stairs down back to the ground floor of their hideout where they turned out to have impeccable timing. The others were already down there looking only slightly worse for wear. The three people on the C Team were rather roughed up from their encounter with Anarky and Ivy having torn bits in their clothes and Mr. Freeze having cracks in his armour.

"Hey everyone!" Harley cheered. "Glad to see ya guys! Man, that was actually kinda fun."

"Oh, you missed the real fun part." Ivy remarked. "The fight we had was rather invigorating. Well, until the police showed up anyway, then it got a bit frightening."

"I'm glad we got out when we did…" Magpie sighed with relief.

"So, um, was this a success?" Harley asked with a hopeful smile on her face.

"Oh yes, I would say so." Riddler nodded. "I believe several members of our rival gangs have been arrested. Not all of them, but enough to make our enemies squirm."

"Well, that's great!" Harley cheered. "How 'bout we have some drinks to celebrate things?"

"Hell yeah!" Kite-Man cheered in agreement.

"No thank you…" Mr. Freeze shook his head. "I'll be spending the evening with Nora."

"Well, good luck with that." Harley gave Mr. Freeze a pat on the back. "What about the rest of ya? Up for a drink together?"

"Sure, why not." Ivy nodded. "Maybe a nice, refreshing cocktail."

A general murmur of agreement came from the others gathered and soon enough drinks were being poured and glasses were being clinked together. It seemed that the night was a success indeed. Or at the very least, not a total disaster. But even as she celebrated and attempted to talk Killer Moth and Magpie into a drinking game with her, there was a small part in the back of her mind that told her that their troubles weren't over just yet.

Chapter Text

Harley Quinn was a woman of two conflicting minds. Some days she loved action and chaos. She lived for things exploding, being shot at and otherwise endangered. But other days all Harley wanted was to sleep in, watch cartoons and cuddle with Ivy. It was an odd duality but usually she was able to make it work.

On this particular morning she was in one of the latter moods. It was around 9:30 in the morning and currently she'd just gotten out of the shower. She'd done her best to dry off and now she was simply lounging around the house in her bathrobe.

Usually Ivy tried to act above it all but on this particular morning she too decided to be a bit lazy about things. She was dressed in her panties and a slightly oversized T-shirt as she saw on the couch cuddling with Harley and watching TV.

Selina and Magpie were both in the kitchen, chatting and tidying up after breakfast. They too were dressed fairly casually with a tank top and sweat shorts on Magpie and nothing but an extra large men's sweatshirt on Selina. Their household tended to be pretty casual in general when it came to things like that. Magpie did get occasionally flustered about seeing her friends naked but overall didn't seem to mind.

"Hey girls! They're showin' a bunch of Sylvester 'n Tweety cartoons! Wanna watch?" Harley called out to the others.

"Hmmm, no thank you." Selina shook her head. "I hate seeing that poor cat get hurt."

"It's not a real cat." Harley argued. "Plus Sylvester's always tryin' to eat that poor little birdie."

"Alright fine, let's watch it. I could always use some entertainment in the morning." Selina nodded and went to sit down with the others with Magpie soon sitting down beside her and nuzzling into her. "You're so adorable, Mags." She smiled and held onto Magpie.

Magpie blushed but didn't say anything, simply giving Selina a kiss on the cheek and holding her more while they watched cartoons. They watched the show and laughed together, having a generally good time. When the commercial break began it was around that time that a knocking began at the door. Figuring it was some kind of solicitor, Selina got up to shoo them away while the rest of the girls chatted on the couch.

"Hey… Do ya think I should shave today?" Harley spoke up. "I feel like my armpits are getting a bit too hairy. And my pubes too."

"Oh, I like a bit of hair down there. As long as it isn't too out of control." Ivy remarked. "Personally I thought you had just the right amount last night." She winked at Harley and gave her a kiss.

"I prefer to wax, personally." Magpie remarked. "Makes me feel nice and smooth. Selina seems to enjoy it too."

Harley and Ivy were both silent for a moment, surprised at Magpie making a comment about her sex life without being goaded into it. They looked at each other then back to Magpie.

"What? I'm not a total prude." Magpie crossed her arms. "I like feeling pretty. And having a smooth and clean, uh, private area, makes me feel very pretty."

Before the discussion about the merits of shaving vs. waxing could continue, they were interrupted by the sound of something wooden breaking and what sounded like someone or something tumbling to the floor.

Magpie, Harley and Ivy all turned around suddenly to see a very shocking scene. Selina was lying on the ground flat on her back and it appeared the front door to the apartment had been broken down. Standing in the doorway was a flamboyant looking man with short pink hair, a pink domino mask, and a well tailored pink suit. Despite the slightly silly appearance, the man had a mad grin on his face that did not sit well with Harley. After staring for a moment Harley recognized him. He was a hired killer only known as Flamingo.

After taking a few moments to process the situation Harley attempted to spring into action and take down Flamingo. She sprung to her feet and leaped off the couch, jumping straight towards the crazed pink man.

For a moment Flamingo was distracted by Harley's bold which gave her enough time to tackle him and pummel his face with punches. This only seemed to make Flamingo laugh and murmur incoherently.

After taking several more blows to the face, still with a completely serene smile, Flamingo fought back. He gave Harley a swift kick in the chest and knocked here right where Selina landed just as she'd begun to stand up.

Flamingo stood back to his feet and immediately went back to fighting. He grabbed a nearby chair and immediately used it to smack Magpie, breaking it and knocking her down. After that he tried using the remains of the chair to hit Ivy but she was able to get out of the way fast enough.

"Um, girls, I recommend we leave now!" Ivy summoned up a houseplant to grab onto Flamingo but he'd already begun to tear at the binding vines. "I don't know why this maniac is attacking us but I don't think we should stick around to find out!"

"Yeah… Good idea…" Harley nodded as she began to stand up and rub her head, helping Selina as well.

***

Elsewhere in the city of Gotham, there was an unassuming former strip club. After being on the market for a few years, it recently had been purchased by one Sheldon Wood who claimed he was going to transform it into a bed and breakfast.

Of course that was not the truth at. There was no Sheldon Wood, but there was a Victor Fries. And instead of a bed and breakfast, Freeze had been using the basement to try and cure his wife's terminal illness.

Currently it was also the base of operations for the Riddler who had allied himself with Mr. Freeze and several others in a long ploy to fight several larger Gotham City gangs.

Contrary to Harley's approach to things, Riddler was already up and about on this fine morning. He'd gotten himself dressed, brewed himself a cup of coffee, began playing some music over the club's old sound system and was pouring over papers filled with plans he'd been drawing.

"What a lovely morning…" Riddler happily sighed to himself. He sipped on what was now his second mug of coffee and looked over a note he'd written in a frenzy last night after waking up from a dream that gave him an idea. He'd been trying to decipher his own handwriting for nearly an hour now and he'd only gotten about a quarter of the way into it. "Is that an S or a C?" He sighed and sipped the coffee some more. "I think it's a C…"

It was around then that the door to the basement opened up and Mr. Freeze stepped out. "Hello Nygma."

"Ah, Victor, good to see you." Riddler nodded. "I thought I sent you and Needham out for groceries?"

"You did." Mr. Freeze said. "You just didn't notice us coming back."

"Ah, yes." Riddler chuckled. "I have been very absorbed with my work. I had a brilliant idea last night. I can't remember it anymore but I tried writing it down."

"Hmm, that's a shame." Mr. Freeze remarked. "Would you like any help with it?"

"No thank you Victor, I think I've got it." Riddler said. "How about you draft up an email on my behalf though. I'd like to have a meeting with our teammates, discuss possible plans and all that."

"Yes, yes, I'll get on that." Mr. Freeze nodded.

"Good, very good." Riddler gave a slight smile and returned to his work, looking over the papers. However before he could get much more work done he became yet again distracted by the sound of doors opening. Glancing over he saw Black Spider, out of costume, entering the club carrying some plastic grocery bags with him. Then, oddly, Mr. Freeze entered behind Black Spider carrying more bags with him.

"Hey, Nygma, we're back with the grocer-" Black Spider paused when he saw the second Mr. Freeze standing next to Riddler. "What's going on here?"

Riddler was equally confused by the situation. He looked back and forth between the two Mr. Freeze's for several moments. It was then that he realized that the Freeze closest to him had hands that had very suddenly transformed into muddy globs of clay. As the realization set in, Riddler hopped up from his chair and the false Mr. Freeze's body began to change and warp.

"Clayface! What are you doing here?" Riddler continued to back away.

"Oh, Two-Face told me to send a message." Clayface replied, now fully transformed out of his mock-Mr. Freeze disguise. "Nothing personal, it's just business."

"That doesn't make me feel better!" Riddler quickly grabbed his cane and leaped away to avoid Clayface's fists as he smashed up his desk.

Seeing the peril he was in, the real Mr. Freeze worked fast to save Riddler. He shot his ice gun which froze the top half of Clayface's body in place and caused him to topple over. However thanks to his malleable ever-changing body, Clayface had already begun to try and break free.

"Riddler, I suggest running." Mr. Freeze spoke up.

"Yes, good idea!" Riddler nodded and made a mad dash for the doors. Before either of the three men had much of a chance to contemplate the situation they had all exited the hideout with Clayface smashing out of his icy prison and preparing to chase after his three targets once again.

***

Back across town, the conflict between Flamingo and the girls had grown somewhat larger and had escaped from Selina's apartment. The fight had moved to the lower floors of the apartment complex. Several of Selina's neighbors had poked their heads outside to see what the commotion was, only to quickly duck back in when they saw the fight going on.

The girls had managed to do some damage to Flamingo but the pink madman seemed very unphased by the hits that came to him. Currently Harley was attacking him from behind and holding Flamingo's arms back to prevent him from attacking. Selina hit Flamingo with a series of quick blows.

"I think we're wearin' him down!" Harley cheered.

"God I hope so! My knuckles are sore." Selina said.

Flamingo just kept laughing as Selina continued to pummel him and Harley kept holding him back. Magpie attempted to get in on the fight by taking off a slipper she was wearing and throwing it at Flamingo.

"Um, thanks for helping!" Selina cheered, hitting Flamingo once again.

Before the fight could continue much further, things were interrupted by a new addition to the fight. "Well, well, what have we here?"

Selina, Harley, Ivy, Magpie and even Flamingo all looked down the hall where they saw a man in a conspicuously large trench coat and panama hat standing at the end of the hall.

"Um, who are you?" Harley asked.

The mystery man suddenly throws off the hat and trenchcoat to reveal no shirt underneath and a great deal of scars adorning his body. He was Victor Zsasz, known sadistic serial killer and occasional hired muscle.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ivy asked.

"Black Mask sent me to kill you." Zsasz nonchalantly pulled a hunting knife out of his pocket. "Seems like someone got here before me though."

Flamingo made an incoherent murmuring noise and laughed, straining against Harley's grip.

"Ha! And people call me crazy!" Zsasz chuckled, watching Flamingo's behaviour. He laughed to himself some more before charging forward into the fray with his knife gripped tight in his hands.

Selina's reflexes kicked into gear and she jumped out of the way as Zsasz approached. Harley too saw the immediate danger and let go of Flamingo and pushed him forward. This quick thinking actually turned out rather well. Zsasz and Flamingo soon became engaged in a brawl which left the girls enough time to slip out of the apartment and into a side alley.

Once they were out in the alley, they could hear Zsasz and Flamingo both madly laughing and fighting each other but did their best to tune it out. The four girls tried to catch their breath and get a hold on the situation.

"Okay… So, what's going on?" Magpie asked. "Why were those lunatics trying to kill us?"

"Well, it seems pretty obvious." Ivy remarked. "Clearly we've made some very powerful and murderous enemies."

"I suggest we get out of here." Selina said. "Maybe go regroup with Riddler. He could help us."

"Uh… That might now work…" Magpie trailed off. She'd just fished her smartphone out of her sweatshirt pocket and was reading a message off of it. "Says here the club's been compromised. He wants us to meet him at a coffee shop."

"Ah jeez, seriously?" Harley sighed. "We ain't exactly dressed for this kinda thing… Me 'n Red are just in our panties and Selina doesn't even have those."

"Don't worry, this shirt covers me pretty well." Selina said.

"We still don't exactly look presentable though." Ivy remarked.

"Girls! There are two separate murderous weirdos out to get us right now. I think you can handle a little embarrassment." Magpie said.

"Easy for you to say, you're wearing real clothes." Harley pointed out.

"Whatever, I'm going to the coffee shop to see what's gone wrong with Riddler." Magpie sighed. "You girls are welcome to come with me."

Selina, Harley and Ivy all looked to each other a moment and nodded, quickly following after Magpie. Seeing this, Magpie smiled slightly. Part of her was rather satisfied that she was able to do something right.

The four women walked down the street briskly and efficiently, ignoring the judgmental looks they got due to their attire. They did their best to act like everything was normal and they hadn't just been attacked by two hired killers. Of course with only one of them being properly dressed, and even with Magpie only barely, they attracted quite a lot of attention as she walked down the street.

They even saw a few people trying to take pictures and videos of them but Ivy was quick to destroy any cameras she saw pointed at her. Eventually, the four girls made it to the cafe Riddler had instructed them to go to.

Finding Riddler was fairly easy since his green suit made him stick out. Not to mention the fact that out of the two men he sat with, one of them wore a gigantic containment suit. Riddler had a coffee in front of him and judging by the empty cups on his table it looked like it was not his first. He nervously tapped his fingers against the desk as the girls approached him.

"Hello girls." Riddler politely nodded. "Do I want to know why most of you aren't wearing pants?"

"We were attacked in our apartment this morning." Selina casually replied "Don't worry, we think the guys trying to kill us lost our trail."

"Well, isn't that funny." Riddler remarked. "I was attacked this morning too. Clayface, he impersonated Victor here." He casually pointed over at Mr. Freeze. "Almost got the drop on me too."

"Hmm… Interesting…" Ivy nodded, taking in the information. Harley was less interested in the conversation and decided to let Ivy take care of that while she looked at the pastry menu behind Riddler. "Do you think this is some sort of coordinated effort?"

"Oh, almost certainly." Riddler nodded. "The odds of both of us being attacked by hired goons on the same morning are very slim."

"That's true…" Selina nodded. "However, we were attacked by two would-be assassins. And one of them was clearly confused by the other's presence."

"Hmm, well, I suppose it could always be planned in conjunction still, just not planned well." Riddler remarked.

"Excuse me, but I think we have more pressing matters at hand." Mr. Freeze spoke up.

"Yeah, gettin' somethin' to eat. Those croissants look good." Harley remarked, her mind still elsewhere.

"I don't think that's what he was talking about." Black Spider said.

"That's right." Mr. Freeze nodded. "We need to liberate our hideout. I have all my equipment there and of course that's where Nora is. We need to keep her safe."

"You really love that lady, huh?" Harley giggled happily. "You're a real sweetheart!"

"Um, thank you." Mr. Freeze nodded. "Your enthusiasm is appreciated."

"Not to worry Victor, we'll have to put together a counterattack." Riddler proudly replied. "I've already given Mad Hatter a call and I'll be able to put something together." He paused for a moment and looked out the front window of the cafe. "Actually, I believe that's him now."

Everyone's attention was turned outside as an almost comical looking VW Beetle pulled up outside and out from it came Mad Hatter, hurrying as fast as he could into the cafe.

"Oh dear, oh dear, I'm so very late…" Mad Hatter muttered to himself as he approached the table.

"Not to worry, Tetch." Riddler said. "The girls have only just arrived."

"Is everyone here?" Mad Hatter asked.

"Everyone important. Frankly I think we can do without Kite-Man and Killer Moth today." Riddler said. "And it's a school day so I don't think Anarky is available. But not to worry, we'll be able to handle this. I've been keeping a very close eye on our lab and it looks like Clayface left a while ago. We simply need to go back in there, reclaim all the equipment and leave to a new base of operations." He glanced over at Mad Hatter. "You have somewhere we can stay, don't you?"

"Um, yes. I have a haberdasher." Mad Hatter nodded.

"A what?" Harley asked.

"That means hat shop." Mad Hatter clarified. "We also sell other clothes. But mostly hats."

"Ah, got it." Harley nodded.

"So, are we ready to go back there?" Selina asked.

"I'd say so." Riddler replied. "I think we're reasonably equipped to deal with this. That is, unless any of you are interested in ordering some coffee or some sweets."

"I'd like that." Magpie sighed. "I've had to deal with way too much crazy shit this morning."

"Oh yeah, defintiely." Ivy nodded. "Let's have coffee all around, then we'll do the work."

"But what about Nora?" Mr. Freeze asked.

"Ah relax, we're get to her." Harley said. "Besides, it ain't like she's goin' anywhere."

Mr. Freeze just glared at Harley in response.

"Heh… Sorry… Didn't mean for it to come out like that." Harley nervously chuckled.

"Just order your coffees and then we can go." Mr. Freeze said.

Conversation around the table was quiet as the group of tired supervillains received and drank their coffees and snacked on their pastries. After about fifteen minutes or so, everyone was done eating and ready to head out and see what they could do about relocating operations. They left the cafe together and made their way back to the club where they'd set up their base.

The group entered cautiously, wary of any surprises or ambushes that may have been planned for them. However, everything seemed alright when they entered so this relaxed them a little. The group took the lead from Mr. Freeze and followed him downstairs. The basement of the club was predictably cold which proved to be a problem since everyone but Mr. Freeze himself was severely underdressed. Especially the girls who the majority of which didn't even have shoes. And even then, Magpie only had some slippers on.

"Okay, gather up as much as you can and load it into my van." Riddler said. "We need to get this whole thing done as quick as we can."

"But be careful too." Mr. Freeze added. "This equipment is very delicate. And only I can move Nora's cryo-pod."

"Right, leave the cryo-thingy to you." Harley nodded.

The group worked fast to bring the equipment upstairs and out of the freezing basement. It took a while but thanks to some teamwork and a heavy desire to be warm again, things moved along quickly and efficiently.

However, after two trips up the stairs, things took a bit of a turn. The second time the group made it upstairs they saw some familiar faces in the club with them. Flamingo, Zsasz and Clayface were all by the club entrance.

"Well, hello, so nice to catch up again." Clayface said. "Now everyone's right where we want them."

"What the hell is going on here?" Ivy groaned and crossed her arms at the three of them.

"Hmm… Aren't you scared to see us? We're here to kill you." Zsasz chuckled.

Flamingo incoherently growled and attempted to lunge forward but was being held back by Clayface. With a polite smile on his face, Clayface began speaking. "You people have gone from an annoyance to a full blown threat. Especially after that stunt you pulled at the restaurant. A lot of our employer's associates have been arrested now."

"And who exactly do you work for?" Selina asked.

"It's a joint effort…" Zsasz chuckled. "I'm with Black Mask…" He glanced over to Flamingo. "This crazy man is with Ventriloquist…"

"And I represent the three-headed effort of Two-Face, the Penguin and Maximillian Zeus." Clayface chimed in. "We were all tasked with luring you into one spot and now, well, we're going to kill you. Or failing that, make sure you end up in Arkham for a long time."

"Ha! Ya think you scare us?" Harley smirked. "We ain't afraid of these guys."

"Um, actually I am…" Magpie spoke up.

"Yes, rather." Mad Hatter added.

"Well, uh, we still ain't gonna run away!" Harley said. "We're here to stop people like you. So, um, we're gonna show you what we're made of!"

Harley's attempt at an inspiring speech did seem to bolster her team's confidence somewhat. Most of them stood at the ready in preparation to fight the best they could. Even Magpie seemed more confident than usual. With that, Harley decided to let go and allow her instincts to guide her.

She charged forward towards her opponents without much strategy in mind. The way she figured it, the primal part of her brain would take over and do the work for her. Of course it was around this time that her opponents made their move too.

Clayface released Flamingo and allowed him to attack her as he and Zsasz also advanced. Harley's breath grew heavy and her mind panicked as she approached.

And mere moments later there came a significant gap in her memory.

The details of the ensuing fight were a complete mystery to Harley. All she could remember were bits and pieces. Her kicking Zsasz in the face, Flamingo biting her arm, things like that. When memory came back to her again she was in the back of an ambulance with two paramedics and a Gotham City cop looking over her.

"Did I win…" Harley mumbled.

"Heh, you and your buddies got your ass kicked." The cop remarked.

"Aww… Am I goin' to Arkham?" Harley sighed.

"Pretty much."

"Did ya catch all of us…"

"Nope, you were one of the unlucky ones. The whole thing was a mess but we were only able to nab you, Riddler, Zsasz and that one weird girl… I think she had a bird for a name."

"Oh…" Harley trailed off, contemplating all the information she just gathered. "Wake me up when we're in Arkham… I think I'm gonna lie down…" With that, Harley closed her eyes again. But as she drifted back into unconsciousness, she was already drafting up escape plans.

Chapter Text

Things had not been going well in the life of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy lately. About a week ago, the two girls were involved in an ambush that led to several members of her group getting arrested. Specifically, the group's leader Riddler and Ivy's girlfriend Harley as well as minor member Magpie. This had a significant effect on the group's morale.

Ever since their enemies figured out where to find them, the remaining members of the group had to figure out where to set up shop. It was decided that their official operations would be run out of Mad Hatter's semi-legitimate business of a hat shop. Mr. Freeze also decided to use the basement of said shop to store Nora and his cryogenic's equipment. Selina and Ivy decided they did not want to bunk up with Mad Hatter but they realized they couldn't stay back at Selina's place since it seeed their enemies knew where they lived.

Luckily it turned out that Ivy's former landlady Jenna Duffy happened to live near Mad Hatter's haberdasher. Jenna was a bit of a pushover so Selina and Ivy were able to get her to let her live with her fairly easily. Jenna's apartment was only built for one person but she felt bad for the girls.

And so this is where the girls had been for the past several days since the ambush. Ivy had been taking it hardest due to Harley's arrest. She'd spent most of her days moping around Jenna's apartment.

On this particular day, Ivy had woken up rather late again. It was almost ten o'clock and from the smell of bacon and eggs cooking, it seemed like Selina and Jenna were already going about their day. She groaned and sat up from the spot on the couch where she fell asleep and looked around. Sure enough, Selina and Jenna were at the breakfast table eating together.

"Oh, good morning girls…" Ivy sighed, leaning back against the couch.

"You feeling alright, Ivy?" Selina asked.

"About as well as I can be." Ivy nodded and stood up from Selina. "Have any breakfast for me here?"

"Yep, we saved some for you." Selina nodded, gesturing to an untouched plate at the table.

"Thanks…" Ivy sighed and stood up. She fixed her hair and went to the table and half-heartedly tried to eat. Things were silent around the table. Ivy stared down at her now slightly cold breakfast while Jenna and Selina looked at each other, non-verbally communicating to try and figure out what to say.

Eventually, Selina decided to be the first to speak up. "Ivy, we're worried about you. You've seen quiet lately."

"I… I miss Harley." Ivy sighed. "She meant a lot to me but I didn't realize how much she meant until she was gone."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay." Jenna reached out and touched Ivy's shoulder. "Harley's not dead, she's just in Arkham. I may be retired from this whole criminal thing but I wanna help you. Harley's a good person and it's kinda sweet how much you care about each other."

"Thanks…" Ivy nodded. She had no particular warm feelings towards Jenna but her support did make her feel somewhat better.

"We do have some good news for you, Pam." Selina spoke up.

"Yeah, what is it?" Ivy found herself smiling ever so slightly.

"I've been talking with Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze and we've been coming up with a prison break plan." Selina explained.

"You have? That's wonderful news." Ivy had a legitimate smile now hearing this. She took a bite of her breakfast.

"Are you gonna be okay today?" Selina asked as she looked at Ivy. "We've got a meeting at the hat shop planned for today."

"Yes, yes I think I'll be alright." Ivy nodded. "I can get through this."

"That's the spirit." Jenna did her best to smile supportively.

Ivy took a deep breath and continued to eat breakfast. Harley may have been in trouble but she knew that she could help her get out of it.

***

Outside of the Gotham City limits there was a rather infamous establishment known as Arkham Asylum. From the beginning the place was faced with trouble when it was found that the building's founder and director Amadeus Arkham was not well himself and spent most of his later years in care of Arkham where he eventually died.

From there things only seemed to get worse for the old asylum. Ever since the emergence of the world's first superheroes Arkham Asylum had begun to specialize in treating the strange and colourful enemies they fought.

By this point in time, Arkham Asylum was less of a mental health facility and more of a prison designed specifically for super-criminals. Citizens of Gotham facing actual mental health issues were instead treated by smaller but well-maintained facilities throughout the cities funded by the Wayne Foundation.

On this particular morning, Harley had been woken up several hours ago and had been served breakfast in the canteen. After a storied career as a supervillain, Harley had got sort of used to life in Arkham. The beds were uncomfortable, the food was bland but she was able to tolerate it.

Now that she'd finished her breakfast, which she was told was some kind of oatmeal, Harley decided what she needed to with her day was get some fresh air and exercise. No sense in just whining about being in Arkham. Might as well make the best of it.

So with that, Harley decided to go to Arkham's gym. The equipment there looked like it hadn't been replaced since the mid '90s but the staff cleaned the place fairly regularly. A light workout to get the blood flowing would do wonders.

Entering the gym, Harley immediately noticed Magpie on her own in a corner. As Harley approached she realized that Magpie appeared to be incredibly sweaty. It seemed as if she'd just finished a workout.

"Hey there Mags!" Harley cheered as she approached Magpie. "You do some workin' out today?"

"Yes…" Magpie groaned. "My muscles hurt…" She reached over to a book she'd picked out from the library. "I'm gonna do some reading but we can chat if you want."

"Works for me." Harley nodded with a smile on her face. "I'll take it fairly easy. Push ups, sit ups, squats, stuff like that. I'll save the weightlifted for another day."

"You do that…" Magpie nodded and opened up the first page of her book. "I'm gonna read some Jeeves and Wooster while you do that."

"You have fun with your silly British books." Harley nonchalantly doing stretches and humming to herself.

"Thanks…" Magpie smiled and glanced up from her book momentarily.

Harley continued her stretches as Magpie began to read her book. She continued to stretch before moving on to doing some push ups. As she worked out, Harley noticed someone very familiar in the exercise room. Across the room from her Killer Croc was working out with some weights.

Seeing this, Harley did her best to avoid looking at it. She felt partially responsible for him being in Arkham right now and tried not to pay attention to him. But it seemed that he would not be ignoring her.

Killer Croc put down his weights and walked over to the spot in the gym where Harley was working out. Seeing this, Harley felt her heart beat faster. She'd never been in a fight with Croc before and right now she was fairly sure he was about to hit her.

But much to Harley's surprise, Killer Croc simply smiled at her. "Hey there Harley, didn't expect to see you here."

Harley was suddenly filled with so much surprise and fear that she collapsed mid-push up. Despite that she tried to play it off and sit up casually. "Oh, uh, hey there Croc. Didn't think you'd be here either."

"Yeah I got ambushed at the restaurant thing." Killer Croc said. "What was going on with that anyway? It was weird enough seeing you but then all those other people attacked and then the cops showed up. Meanwhile I had an awful stomach ache… And what were you doing with all of that?"

"Oh, yeah, it was nothin' against you personally." Harley awkwardly smiled. "I didn't realize you were workin' for anybody. Me 'n some other guys just ain't a fan of organized crime. I much prefer disorganized crime!" She couldn't help but giggle at her own joke.

"Hey, it's alright." Croc nodded. "I didn't like working for Hush and Ventriloquist too much anyway."

"Well, glad there ain't any hard feelings." Harley nodded. "Think we can still be friends?"

"We sure are Harley." Croc smiled. She glanced over at Magpie. "Care to introduce me to this nice lady?"

"Um, hi." Magpie shyly smiled. "I'm Magpie. I was at the restaurant too."

"Oh yeah, I remember you." Croc nodded. "Great to meet you."

***

While Harley was out in Arkham Asylum, her colleagues were back in the city making preparations on how to get her out of the place. Ivy and Selina had left the house and Jenna had decided to tag along as well since she had nothing better to do on a weekend. The girls made their way over to the haberdasher that Mad Hatter currently lived at.

It was a modest, unassuming building that most people would walk by without much thought. However, what most didn't know was that this seemingly normal hat shop actually belonged to the Mad Hatter and had for quite some time.

The girls entered the shop and casually made their way to the back room where it seemed the others had already gathered. Mad Hatter, Mr. Freeze, Black Spider, Killer Moth, Kite-Man and Anarky were gathered around a table and quietly chatting amongst themselves.

"Ah, good, glad you could make it." Mad Hatter politely nodded. "Now that we're all here, I would like to formally offer you some tea. Any takers?"

"Sure, why not." Selina nodded as she took a seat.

"Ah, wonderful! Simply wonderful." Mad Hatter nodded. "I'll be right back with the tea." With that he stood up and scurried off to go find his tea set.

There was a bit of an awkward silence as Mad Hatter was heard in the next room over pouring water into a kettle.

"So, um, how is everyone today?" Kite-Man smiled and gave a hearty thumbs up. "I dunno about you but I slept great last night." There was a long silence that followed. "Right, right, not the time…"

"Let's try to be less gloomy." Selina said. "I think Kite-Man has a point. We need to focus on some positives." She glanced over at Anarky. "How about you Lonnie, how's school?"

"Shut up…" Anarky crossed his arms. "Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I'm any less professional than you people."

"It was a legitimate question." Selina replied.

Anarky paused for a moment before continuing to chat. "School's going alright. It's mostly boring…"

The casual small talk continued until Mad Hatter scurried back into the room carrying an elaborate tea set. "Tea time! I have enough tea for all." He went about setting up teacups around the table in front of each of the guests and pouring out servings of tea. "Well, drink up! I made a delicious and soothing chamomile."

"Uh, thank you…" Ivy nodded. She politely picked up the cup and gingerly sipped at it. "What were we talking about when we first got here exactly?"

"Oh, yes, the plan!" Mad Hatter cheered, clapping his hands together.

Mr. Freeze cleared his throat and tried to take charge of the conversation. "I believe you have been developing a plan, Ms. Kyle." He gestured to Selina.

"Seriously? The horny cat burglar has a plan?" Black Spider couldn't help but sigh.

"Hey now, I'm more than just a horny cat burglar." Selina smirked. "I also have a very cunning mind. Now, we're going to need some help if we want to pull off a prison break. Riddler was the main brain behind the operation and provided a lot of our tech. Of course, I know you two have tech of your own." She gestured to Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze. "And don't get me wrong, it'll be useful, but we need an extra edge. A wild card."

"I see…" Mr. Freeze nodded. "And what would that wild card be?"

"Well, at first I considered contacting the Secret Six." Selina explained. "They're villains for hire and I think I could convince them that they owe Harley a favour. But they're also based all the way out in Vermont and we need to get this job done sooner rather than later."

"So what's your alternative?" Anarky asked.

"Well… It's a bit risky, but I was thinking we could try to recruit Professor Pyg and his weird circus." Selina explained.

There was a silence around the table as the others thought about what had been said. Kite-Man took a sip of his tea before deciding to speak up. "Um… Isn't Professor Pyg kinda like… Crazy?" He paused and sipped his tea some more. "I mean, I've never met the guy but I've heard stories. Like, apparently he built some sort of a weird effigy out of wire and called it his mom."

"I'll admit, Pyg isn't exactly stable. But I do think he might be able to help us. We'd just need to be very careful about approaching him." Selina said. "We have sort of worked with him before so that might be an advantage. A while back, Harley was injured and we had Pyg do an emergency treatment."

"Oh right, I remember that." Ivy remarked. "This actually might be able to work. Pyg is psychotic but he's also easy to manipulate."

"Well, it's better than nothing." Killer Moth sighed.

Black Spider nodded before speaking. "It's not a half bad idea. But how exactly do we find this Pyg guy?"

"Oh, I'm sure it won't be too hard." Selina remarked. "The man isn't exactly known for his subtlety. If we search hard enough, I'm sure we can find him."

***

While this meeting was happening, Harley's day at Arkham had been going along quietly as ever. After finishing her light morning workout, Harley decided to spend some more time with Killer Croc and Magpie. The three of them had travelled away from the exercise room and into the Arkham library. Much like the gymnasium, the Arkham library had not had any new books added to it for a long time.

Despite all that, the library was still fairly well stocked with classic literature and donated textbooks. Croc and Harley weren't too interested in getting any reading done but Magpie was interested in poking around and trying to find some new books.

"So Mags, what kinda books are ya lookin' for?" Harley asked, glancing over Magpie's shoulder as she browsed a bookshelf.

"Oh, all types of fiction really." Magpie shrugged slightly. "I'm open to suggestions if you have any."

"Awesome, I'll let ya know if I see anything I like." Harley nodded.

"Maybe I should read something?" Croc remarked as he looked over the shelves. "Been a while since I really lost myself in a good book."

"Didn't realize you were into books." Harley glanced back at Croc. "Uh, no offence."

"Ah, none taken." Croc chuckled. "I get it, I look like dumb muscle. But I've got an appreciation for culture or whatever. I don't like boring books though. If there are any fantasy novels in there I'd love to check 'em out."

"I think they have some Conan the Barbarian stuff around here. Oh and of course some Tolkien." Magpie said while looking through the shelves.

"Huh, I really should come here more often." Harley remarked.

Before the discussion about literature cold continue much further, a new voice made iself known to the group and disrupted the atmosphere.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Harleen Quinzel! Hadn't seen you in a while!"

Turning around, Harley saw a face she recognized. Her heart jumped, at first she was worried that Joker was in Arkham with her but then she realized it was a completely different pale-faced Gotham criminal.

It was the incarcerated mob boss Warren White known by the moniker Great White Shark. He used to be a small time white collar crook who thought he could get out of jail time with an insanity plea. Unfortunately for him, that landed him in Arkham Asylum where he was tormented by the other patients. This ended poorly for him when one patient by the name of Jane Doe locked him in Mr. Freeze's cell for a long period of time. Because of this Mr. White suffered several facial disfigurations including inhumanly pale skin and the loss of his lips, hair, ears and nose.

Despite his strange appearance he had a smile on his face as he approached Harley with his arms held open wide. Although since his lips froze off, it did sort of seem like the man was constantly smiling.

Harley stared at the Great White Shark for several moments before replying. "Um, hey there buddy. Didn't think you'd still be in here… You ain't mad at me, are you?"

"Ha! Hardly!" Great White Shark laughed. "Coming back here is the best thing to happen to me in years."

"Do you two know each other?" Croc looked back and forth between Harley and the Shark.

"Meh, kinda." Harley shrugged. "I sorta had a grudge against him a while back 'cause he tried to shoot me. Anyway, I'm also kinda the reason he got arrested."

"No hard feelings, Quinzel." Great White Shark replied. "I think I needed the time off anyway. I'm practically the king of this joint. In fact, I came here to thank you!"

Magpie eyed Great White Shark and slightly bit her lip. She leaned in towards Harley to whisper. "I don't trust this guy…"

"Let's just hear him out." Harley whispered back. "I ain't sayin' I trust him but ya never know…" She stopped whispering and looked back to Great White Shark. "So Sharky, what'cha up to?"

"Wonderful question!" Great White Shark chuckled. "Tell you what, how about I show you? I've been getting into some very interesting business lately. Please, follow me."

"Uh, sure. Alright." Harley nodded. She glanced over at Magpie and Croc. "Can they come with me too?"

"Sure thing! Any friend of yours is a friend of mine." Great White Shark said. "Trust me Harley, you will not regret this amazing opportunity I'm offering you."

Magpie glanced between Harley and Great White Shark, clearly skeptical of the whole thing. But it appeared that, for the time being, she'd just have to go along with whatever madness was ahead of her.

***

Back in the city of Gotham proper, Selina had temporarily taken a leadership role in what was left of Riddler's group. It was decided that since she was the only one with some semblance of an idea she'd be the one to take charge for now.

After explaining her plan to recruit Professor Pyg, it was decided that they'd seek him out. The only vehicle they currently owned that could fit them all was a converted ice cream truck that belonged to Mr. Freeze. So the team was packed into the back of this ice cream truck while Mr. Freeze was behind the wheel.

Selina had the luxury of sitting beside Mr. Freeze and giving him directions. "I think we'll want to search the industrial district. Do you know how to get there?"

"Yes, I've been around that part of town before." Mr. Freeze nodded.

"Alright good." Selina nodded. "I'll tell you when to stop then."

There was a silence for a little while as Mr. Freeze drove around. Selina tried to relax a little, leaning back into her chair. She tried to think slow, calming thoughts to keep her mind clear and regulated.

While Mr. Freeze drove and Selina attempted to relax, Ivy pushed her way past the others in the back of the band and got between the driver and passenger. "Hey there, just figured I'd check things out up here. Everything alright?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, we're fine." Selina nodded. "I have a pretty good idea of where Professor Pyg is."

"Well, that's good." Ivy said. "We need to be careful. Pyg can be very dangerous."

"You need to relax Pam, I know exactly what I'm doing." Selina said.

Ivy sighed a little and leaned in towards Selina. "Selina… I'm worried."

Selina felt herself jolt just slightly. Something about the tone in which Ivy spoke was unusually. Typically Ivy was reserved, calm and didn't like showing her emotions. Her saying something so emotionally open was a bit jarring to Selina.

She took a few moments to collect herself before glancing back at Ivy. "Are you going to be okay, Ivy?"

"I think so…" Ivy nodded slightly. "I just... I miss Harley."

Selina reached out and put her hand on Ivy's shoulder. "It's going to be okay. We can get through this. I also miss Harley, Magpie too. We're going to get them back, I promise. Even if this plan doesn't work, we'll keep trying. No matter what."

"Thank you Selina…" Ivy nodded. "Hearing you reassure me like that, it helps."

With that, Ivy went back to her spot in the back of the truck while Mr. Freeze continued driving to Selina's instructions as the truck got further into Gotham's industrial district. Selina kept a sharp eye out the window, evaluating each abandoned building they passed.

It was about half an hour until Selina saw the building she was looking for. A broken down brick industrial building with a weathered old sign that said Dixon Meatpacking Plant on top of it.

"Victor, stop here." Selina said. "I think this is the place."

"Of course." Mr. Freeze nodded and brought the truck to a slow stop. He glanced out the window and then back to Selina. "So, what's the plan?"

"Well, it's a simple enough plan." Selina smirked. "We all go in there and have a nice, cordial chat with Professor Pyg."

"Wait, are all of us going out there?" Killer Moth asked from the back.

"Yes we are." Selina nodded. "Strength in numbers. Especially when we're visiting the residence of a deranged surgeon."

So with that advice, the group departed the ice cream truck and began approaching the building. The abandoned factor had an old iron gate with a heavy padlock and chain keeping it shut.

"Hmmm… I think I can take care of this…" Selina reached into her belt and took out a slim lockpick. "It might take a minute or two though."

"I can get it open faster." Black Spider spoke up.

"You can, hmm?" Selina looked at him and smirked. "Alright then. Be my guest."

Black Spider took out a silenced pistol and shot at the lock twice, breaking it and causing the old iron gates to swing open.

"Well… That's one way of doing it." Selina chuckled. "Alright, let's go in." She then looked to Black Spider. "Try to be a bit less trigger happy."

"I'll consider your advice." Black Spider nodded and put away his gun.

Selina then pushed forward through the gates and beckoned for the others to follow. The group walked through the gates after Selina and got closer and closer to the looming factory. They had no idea what was in there but they didn't let that stop them.

The group got up to a large metal door at the front of the factory and Selina and attempted to open it up. When the door didn't budge, she just casually but firmly knocked at the door. The knock echoed for a moment and the group stood there.

Footsteps were heard on the other side of the door. The group outside paused, mentally preparing for a fight. But the door opened and no such thing came. Instead on the other side of the door was a short, rotund being that appeared to be some kind of humanoid toad creature.

"What the hell're you doing here?" the toad creature looked up at the group, focused on Selina.

"We're here to see Pyg." Selina said. "Can we see him?"

"I don't know…" the toad shook his head. "The circus does not expect… Visitors."

"Well, then allow us to be the exception." Selina smirked. "We want Pyg's help. I'm sure we can make it worth his while."

The toad stayed silent for a moment before nodding slightly. "Alright, follow me. I'm Mr. Toad by the way. I'm basically the professor's second in command."

"Well, well, good for you." Selina began following Mr. Toad into the factory. Several like Ivy, Mr. Freeze and Black Spider immediately began following but Selina had to turn around and beckon for the others to come with her.

As the group descended deeper into the factory, they heard echoing sounds of clanking machinery and distant off tune music. Some members of the group felt like asking Mr. Toad about it but the whole location had an air about it that just made the majority of the people there feel uncomfortable.

This included the usually calm and collected Poison Ivy. She still hadn't quite realized how much Harley had comforted her until she was without her. But despite that, Ivy put on her best brave face and got a bit closer to Selina, reaching out and holding her hand. Selina didn't say anything but she gave Ivy a slight nod and squeezed her hand, continuing after Mr. Toad down the large metallic hallway.

***

Things at Arkham Asylum had been much less tense for Harley Quinn than it was for her friends on the outside. For the past little while, she'd been following Great White Shark around the halls of Arkham. He was talking about something or another but Harley wasn't completely listening. She'd had a problem with attentiveness that started as a child and had followed her into adulthood. She was aware enough to pay attention to Magpie and occasionally whisper words of support to her.

However Harley's slight distracted daze ended when Great White Shark came to a stop in the middle of the Arkham rec room. Of course Harley didn't completely register that he'd stopped until she walked right into his back.

Despite that, he ignored that and began talking like nothing had happened. "Say Harley, I think I see your friend Riddler in here."

"Hmm? What?" Harley looked around the room until, sure enough, she saw the Riddler sitting in the corner of the room reading a rather heavy looking book. "Oh hey, there's Eddie. Can we go talk to him?"

"Heh, we sure can Harley. I think he'll be happy to meet me." Great White Shark said. "I'm everyone's friend around here."

"Hmm, good for you…" Magpie muttered under her breath.

"I wanna talk to him." Harley remarked. "I don't think I've really said anything to him since I ended up here." She began approaching Riddler and waving to him with Magpie following closely beside her. "Hey Eddie, it's me!"

Riddler looked up from his book and smiled. "Well, hello Quinzel. I didn't realize you got caught with me." He looked and saw Magpie. "And Ms. Pye, you're here too. How delightful."

Harley saw an open seat beside Riddler and sat down. "How have things been here in Arkham?"

"Oh, about the usual." Riddler sighed. "I've been trying to plan an escape. It'll probably take a few months to get all the details right."

"Escapes were never really my thing." Harley shrugged. "Usually I just waited for someone to come and get me or waited for a mass break out to happen and slipped away in the chaos."

"Hmm, well, I'll keep you updated on my plan." Riddler nodded and glanced over at Magpie. "What about you, Ms. Pye? You've been quiet. How is life in Arkham for you?"

"Oh, it's alright." Magpie sighed. "I haven't had sex with anyone."

"Um, good for you." RIddler awkwardly nodded.

"I… I used to exchange sexual favours for shiny, shiny things." Magpie mumbled. "But I've been hoarding them for myself now. Now I don't have to degrade myself."

"Good on ya, Mags!" Harley gave her an encouraging pat on the back.

Magpie move slightly closer to Harley, feeling a bit comforted by her. "Um, thanks. Anyway, yeah, Arkham's not exactly ideal."

"Well, not to worry." Riddler nodded. "As long as we stick together we can escape and get right back to business as usual."

"I'm glad we got a brainy guy like you on the inside." Harley nodded. "I'm smart when it comes to psychology and junk. But math and problem solving was never really my strong suit."

"Not to worry, I am ever reliable." Riddler said. "By the way, I can't help but notice that you made some new friends in here." He looked over Harley's shoulder at Killer Croc and Great White Shark who were chatting amongst themselves.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting it either." Harley giggled a little.

The conversation had little time to continue when the trio was approached by another inmate. Specifically it was the bald, scar covered Victor Zsasz that approached them with a murderous look in his eye. Of course he always looked like that.

"Hello Ms. Quinn…" Zsasz stared down Harley with an unnerving smirk on his face. "I see your friends are here too."

"Heh, uh, hello Zsasz." Harley said. "You ain't angry at me, are you?"

"Oh… I am very angry." Zsasz calmly replied. "I've been planning on how to kill you since I ended up here. Now I am just waiting for the right time. So be warned, Harley. One of these days you're going to wake up with a hole where your chest used to be."

Before Zsasz had much of a chance to continue his threats he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking to his side, Zsasz saw a large scaly hand on his shoulder. "Oh… Hello Croc."

"Zsasz…" Croc snarled. "Were you going to hurt Harley?"

"Perhaps…" Zsasz said. "Let's try to stay civilized, shall we?"

"You little bastard…" Croc growled.

"Gentlemen, ladies, let's all calm down." Great White Shark got closer to the group. "There is no need to get upset."

"Mr. White… What are you doing here?" Zsasz looked over at the Great White Shark.

"I live here." Great White Shark said. "Now, Ms. Quinzel is a friend of mine."

"Uh, I wouldn't go that far." Harley said.

"Regardless Zsasz, you will not be threatening her." Great White Shark gently pat Zsasz on the back. "You wouldn't want Black Mask to be upset with you, right?"

"Do you work for Black Mask?" Zsasz muttered.

"Yep, I'm his inside man. So for now, stay away from Quinn." Great White Shark said.

Harley gave a slight smile to Great White Shark and nodded. "Thanks…"

***

Back in Gotham's industrial district, Selina, Ivy and the rest of the group had gotten deeper into the factory following Mr. Toad. The group was heavily on guard as they walked through the unfamiliar place. Being the lair of notorious maniac Professor Pyg, the paranoia was warranted.

"We're almost there. Pyg is working on a special project right now so he might be a bit angry." Mr. Toad explained, looking back at the group. "Don't worry though, I know how to calm the guy down."

"Oh yeah, how's that?" Kite-Man asked.

"Very slowly and very carefully." Mr. Toad replied.

"That does not exactly inspire confidence." Mr. Freeze remarked.

"Just don't make any sudden moves." Mr. Toad said. "He's like a wild animal in that way."

The group was silent for a moment but Ivy spoke up again. "Why do you hang out with him? He sounds insane."

"Oh yes, he is." Mr. Toad nodded. "But he's the only person to ever treat me well."

With that, the group continued in silence down through the factory. As they got closer they heard noises that sounded like music and the squealing of pigs. Of course knowing who they were visiting, the sound likely came from a human.

The group continued through the factory until Mr. Toad opened up a large metal door that led into a large open room with simply two people in the centre of it around what appeared to be a large half finished clay statue.

The first man was Professor Pyg himself, an overweight man wearing a butcher's apron and wearing a pig mask. The second was the naive criminal known as Humpty Dumpty, a large round man with a bald head wearing suspenders and a tie. The clay they were carving didn't seem to resemble much of anything. If it was art, it was most certainly abstract.

Mr. Toad gestured for the others to stay behind while he approached them. "Professor, we have some guests who'd like to see you."

"Hmm, what have I told you about interrupting Pyg?" Professor Pyg turned around.

"Professor, Professor, I know. But you see, these people were very polite. I believe they want your help." Mr. Toad explained.

"Oh, I recognize them!" Humpty Dumpty spoke up. "Well, most of them. I don't recognize the Mothman and a few others."

"It's Killer Moth, what is so hard to remember about that?" Killer Moth sighed.

"I recognize the kitty cat and the green woman!" Humpty pointed over to Selina and Poison Ivy. "Remember them Professor?"

Professor Pyg paused for a moment and stared at them. "Yes, yes, I remember! You brought that injured that clown girl to me and I helped fix her. Yes, yes! How do you all do?"

"Um… We're not really okay." Ivy spoke up. "That clown girl you were talking about, Harley. She's in a bit of trouble and we need your help?"

"You? You want my help?" Professor Pyg said. "Nobody ever asks Pyg for help."

"Can't imagine why…" Ivy muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

"Would you be willing to help us?" Selina asked. "There are several people in Arkham Asylum that we need broken out."

"Yes… Yes… Pyg would love to help!" Professor Pyg nodded. "Pyg loves helping! Pyg will be most helpful to you!" From there Pyg began rambling about whatever seemed to be on his mind. Mostly it seemed to be art, his mom and, oddly, his thoughts on the 1976 remake of King Kong. Humpty Dumpty attempted to calm him down while Selina, Ivy and the others in the group nervously looked around amongst each other. It seemed that for the time being the help of Professor Pyg was their best bet to get Harley, Riddler and Magpie out of Arkham. Everyone in the group felt rather uneasy about the whole thing but it seemed that this would be the life they lived for now. Despite the uneasiness, Selina glanced back at the group and gave them a confident smile and thumbs up as Professor Pyg continued to ramble on and on.

Chapter Text

It was another day in Arkham Asylum. Harley had left her cell and walked through the cold halls of the asylum to the mess hall. On today's breakfast menu was some oatmeal and a yogurt cup on the inside. It wasn't exactly the tastiest but Harley took comfort in knowing it wouldn't give her any stomach problems. You couldn't always count on that in Arkham.

On this morning, Harley had the fortune of being in the breakfast serving line right beside Magpie. So at least it gave her someone familiar to chat to in the morning. This small blessing already had Harley optimistic about her day going forward.

"So Maggie, how'd ya sleep last night." Harley asked as they made their way down the breakfast line.

"Awful…" Magpie sighed. "I miss sleeping on a comfortable mattress."

"So do I." Harley nodded. "But ya gotta make do I guess." She shrugged slightly.

"How do you do it?" Magpie looked up to her as oatmeal was ladled into her tray.

"Do what?"

"Stay so happy? I'm fucking miserable in here but you're in such a good mood."

"It's 'cause I know that Pamela loves me with all her heart and she'll be here before we know it." Harley sighed happily and dreamily stared off into space for a moment.

"Wow… You're really into her, huh?" Magpie remarked.

"Yeah, I am." Harley giggled a little. "She's just amazing. Do you feel that way about Selina?"

Magpie paused for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, I do… She's very special to me. I like her a lot."

"Aww, you're so sweet." Harley smiled as they continued down the line.

The two of them left the line and tried to find a good spot in the mess hall to sit. They quickly spotted Riddler sitting by himself at a table and decided to approach him with Harley taking the lead.

"Hey there Eddie, how's your day so far?" Harley smiled at sat down in front of Riddler with Magpie soon sitting beside her.

"Oh, hello Harley." Riddler nodded. "My day feels about the same as yesterday. All the days here begin to blend together."

"I feel ya there." Harley said. "Honestly, I've begun to track the days of the week based on the lunch menu. We only have those little brownies on Tuesday and Thursdays."

"Well, I keep my own personal calendar in my head." Riddler remarked. "It helps me organize things better."

"Good for you." Magpie nodded. She leaned in to whisper a bit. "Hey, um, how's that escape plan you mentioned going?"

"It's all coming along slowly but surely, don't you worry." Riddler whispered back.

"Well, I wish you'd do it fastly but surely." Harley said.

"Genius takes work, Ms. Quinzel. Just trust me." Riddler replied.

It was right around then that Killer Croc approached their table with a big smile on his face and leaned in against the table. "Hey there guys, how's it going?"

"Oh, you know, we're surviving." Harley sighed.

"You all wanna hang out in the exercise room with me?" Killer Croc asked. "Figured we could all use the company."

"I'd love to!" Harley cheered. "What about you two?" She glanced at Riddler and Magpie.

"Sure thing." Magpie nodded. "I could use a light workout."

"No, I don't think so." Riddler shook his head. "I'm going to do some more reading."

"Heh, your loss." Croc remarked and looked to Harley. "You girls enjoy your breakfast. I'll be in the exercise room if you need me." With that, he got up and left the mess hall while the other three continued eating their breakfast.

***

Little did Harley know, today was not going to be another average day at Arkham Asylum. Several miles outside the Asylum, a trio of unmarked black vans were carefully driving towards their destination. Their intention was to break out several inmates from the Asylum in a careful and precise manner. Of course things rarely went as planned but they held out hope.

The van leading the other two was driven by Poison Ivy with Selina in the passenger's seat. Killer Moth, Kite-Man and Anarky were all in the back. Dr. Pyg and his associates and the other members of Selina and Ivy's group were in the vans behind them.

Most of the ride up was rather silent but occasionally the group engaged in small talk. Currently, Kite-Man was the one doing the talking. "Listen, I hate to be the one to instill doubt or whatever, but does anyone have a bad feeling about this?"

"No, not really." Ivy shrugged a little. "What's the matter, this your first time doing a prison break?"

"Well, uh, yeah." Kite-Man admitted. "Usually I sort of wait for some sort of disaster to happen to get me out. Plus I'm not, you know, insane. So they don't send me to Arkham when they catch me. Is this place more or less secure than Blackgate?"

"Hmm, good question." Ivy said. "I've never been to Blackgate so I can't really give you a good answer."

"Be more like Lonnie. He's calm and he's half your age." Selina said to Kite-Man.

"Will you stop bringing up my age? I'm very smart." Anarky spoke up. "Besides, I'm looking forward to this. The American prison system is one of the many institutions I have problems with."

"Well, good. Because we're probably going to be destroying a lot of stuff." Ivy said.

"Not necessarily." Selina spoke up. "I want to try and do things subtly. At first anyway. We have the big destructive plan as the secondary option."

"Let's be honest, this is gonna go badly." Killer Moth remarked. "We'll be doing the destructive plan."

"Oh, don't be so negative." Selina said. "What makes you so sure?"

"We don't exactly have complimentary skills is all." Killer Moth pointed out. "Plus I'm still skeptical about that crazy pig guy and his circus freaks getting involved."

"Believe me, they were not my first choice." Selina admitted. "But, I think we've got them under control enough for it to work."

"Well, your optimism is admirable." Killer Moth sighed. "That's all I'll say."

"You know what, Moth. You should take a page from Harley's book." Ivy remarked.

"What do you mean?" Killer Moth asked.

"Don't take yourself so seriously. You dress up like a giant bug and commit crimes with a really phallic looking gun." Ivy said.

"It's not that phallic…" Killer Moth muttered to himself.

"My point is, maybe you should just be a bit more lighthearted. That's what Harley always told me." Ivy said. "When you get down to it, we're all kind of weirdos."

Selina smiled and glanced at Ivy. "It's so nice to hear the influence Harley had on you. I remember, the first time I met you, you were such a miserable person. And you also tried to kill me I think."

"Hey, you broke into my greenhouse." Ivy chuckled.

Things went quiet inside the van as it made the rest of its journey. Eventually she turned off the main road down the side trail until she and the other vans stopped out in the middle of a clearing surrounded by trees.

Ivy began getting out and gesturing for the others to follow her. Soon everyone was out of their respective vans. Mr. Freeze, Black Spider and Mad Hatter were in the second van and in the final one was Professor Pyg and his associates. He'd chosen to bring along Humpty Dumpty and Mr. Toad as well as a completely average looking man named Phosphorus Rex who nobody had bothered to ask what his gimmick was.

"Okay everyone, listen up." Ivy began. "We need to get in there okay?"

"Yes, that's obvious." Black Spider nodded. "Why else would we be here?"

"No need to be a snarky asshole, that's my job." Selina said.

Ivy cleared her throat to get the attention of the group back before speaking again. "Alright, please listen up. This job will be completed in three parts. Are we all listening?"

"Yes, yes please get on with it." Mr. Freeze said.

"I am listening so hard my ears tingle with excitement!" Professor Pyg exclaimed.

"Um, thank you professor…" Ivy nodded. "Now, Selina has secured several legitimate looking Arkham staff uniforms. She'll take three lucky volunteers with her to try and find out where Harley, Magpie and Riddler are. They will report back when they find out." She paused for a moment. "Everyone with me so far?" Some nods and murmurs of agreement came from the others. "Good. Next we'll have a stealth team who will be sneaking into the main security hub in Arkham and disabling as many security measures as they can manage. This will be very important for making our escape easier. Now, ideally we'll be able to escort Harley and the others out of Arkham with our disguised friends. However, if shit hits the fan; which let's face it, there's a good chance it will, this is where our third team comes in. If the alarm is raised you come in and provide heavy protection while we make our escape. So, can we do all that?"

"It seems simple enough." Mr. Freeze said.

"I notice you didn't mention who's on each team." Black Spider remarked. "Is that undecided?"

"Well, I figured we could all decide based on strengths." Ivy explained.

"I'm with the disguised team." Selina said. "I'll be leading you all. I've got three outfits. Any takers?"

"I'll go." Black Spider said. "I'm good at being stealthy."

"Wonderful." Selina nodded. "Anyone else? I'd like two more volunteers."

"I'll come along." Kite-Man said. "Sounds like fun."

"It's not fun, it's a serious breakout attempt." Selina said. "But, your help is appreciated."

"I'll help too." Phosphorus Rex spoke up. "I'd love to get to know you people better."

"Oh right, you're Pyg's guy." Selina remarked. "What's your thing again? Why are you part of his freak show?"

"I set myself on fire." Phosphorus Rex said.

"Well, um, that could be useful." Selina remarked. "Alright, you three go get changed with me. The rest of you, figure out what part of the plan you want." She got into the van and went to find her outfit while the others began discussing who would be part of the security disabling team. Phosphorus Rex, Black Spider and Kite-Man followed her in. "Alright everyone, here are your uniforms. Hopefully they're all your size." She took out some neatly folded clothes and handed them out to the others. "C'mon, let's get changed."

Without even pausing, Selina began taking off her tight latex catsuit in a casual manner. She had a black sports bra and boyshorts beneath and it appeared she was attracting a lot of attention. Of course Selina didn't mind at all. In fact she decided to play into her own sex appeal a bit as she got changed, bending over a little as she put on her pants and intentionally wiggling her ass at them. Once she'd had enough of her teasing she got her outfit on fully and turned to the men with a smirk on her face. "Enjoying the show, boys?"

"That was really inappropriate, Ms. Kyle." Black Spider said.

"And yet you didn't tell me to stop." Selina winked at him. "I'll wait for you all to change, see you outside." She exited the back of the van and waited for a few moments while listening to Mr. Toad debating whether he or Humpty Dumpty should come along with the others for the security disabling mission.

Soon enough, the three men exited the van in their security guard disguises and with that Selina beckoned them to follow her closer to the Asylum. Things went quiet as they all walked closer to Arkham Asylum and tried to act casual, just a group of guards patrolling the perimeter.

The group saw a guard entering through the backdoor with his keycard and Selina picked up the pace so she could get through the door while it was still open. The guard gave her a funny look as she approached but shrugged it off and let them enter.

Selina took a few deep breaths and looked back at her group, giving them a reassuring smile. They all seemed fairly calm so she continued on through the halls in search of Harley and the others. Just to make sure it was alright, Selina decided to say something. "You guys doing okay?

"Yeah, I think so…" Kite-Man nodded. "Man, this place is gross. When was the last time the floors were cleaned?"

"I try not to think about it." Selina shook her head. "Now come on, let's find our friends. If all is going well our second team has already begun moving in…"

***

Sure enough, as Selina, Kite-Man, Phosphorus Rex and Black Spider patrolled the halls of Arkham incognito, the secondary stealth team was hard at work. In the end it had been decided that Ivy, Mr. Toad, Mad Hatter and Anarky would make up the stealth team in charge of disabling as many security measures as they could.

They had infiltrated Arkham through an unglamorous but safe method; the sewers. It was cramped and smelled terrible but they all knew that complaints would get them nowhere. So they simply had to put up with the stench and damp atmosphere as they went further into the sewers beneath Arkham.

"Do we even know where we are?" Anarky asked and looked around. "This all looks the same."

"Oh not to worry, I've got the floorplan for this place." Ivy shook the blueprints in front of her for emphasis. "Now… We're almost underneath a storage room right now I think. What we need is to find the main security hub. Which should be near the storage room."

"Right…" Mad Hatter nodded. "And how do we get out of the sewer?"

"Well, there should be a maintenance hatch up ahead that'll lead us to the storage room." Ivy explained.

"Thank god, I'm tired of smelling shit everywhere." Mr. Toad sighed.

"Don't you live in an abandoned slaughterhouse?" Anarky pointed out.

"Yes. Keyword being abandoned." Mr. Toad said. "We make an effort to keep the place clean. Well, Phosphorus, Humpty and I do. Pyg… We mostly clean up after him."

"Hmm, sounds like me with Harley. She's very enthusiastic but she has trouble cleaning up after herself." Ivy remarked. "God I miss her…"

"Relax, we'll rescue your girlfriend." Anarky said. "Just lead us out of this sewer first."

Ivy nodded and continued forward, occasionally consulting her map. A few minutes later, she found the ladder off to the side and knew she'd reached the right spot. "Alright, we're here. Let's get above ground again. Thank god…" She began climbing out of the sewers and opened up a hatch up top that led out into a room filled with old wooden crates.

The others soon emerged into the old storage room with Ivy and closed the trap door behind them once they're all out.

"What's that map of yours say now?" Anarky asked.

"I'm consulting it right now…" Ivy looked to the map again. "Okay it's nearby. Just across the hall. We'll have to work quickly and efficiently. No way of knowing if there are any guards patrolling nearby. If all goes well, there won't be."

"I believe that's an unhealthy amount of optimism, Ivy." Anarky remarked.

"Look, if Harley's not here someone has to be the optimistic one." Ivy sighed. "Now let's go." She briskly strolled over to the exit and left the storage room with the others in her group quickly following her. Eyes glued to the floorplan, Ivy continued down the hall in the direction of the security room. Of course it was about then that the plan hit a snag.

Right from around the corner stepped two guards, a middle aged man with a thick moustache and a young woman with a blonde crew cut. Both the guards and Ivy's group froze up. Both parties were clearly not expecting to encounter each other.

After a few moments of staring it was the moustachioed guard that first spoke. "H-hey! You're not supposed to be here!"

"Very observant." Ivy put her hands up in an act of surrender. Mad Hatter did the same but Mr. Toad and Anarky did not. "Now then, nobody here has to get hurt… Let's all be very careful okay?"

"I don't think any of you are inmates…" the woman with the crew cut reached for a stun gun on her belt. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I can explain." Mr. Toad spoke up. "Y'see the thing about that is-" He cut himself off mid sentence and lunged forward at the two guards. The two of them were taken by surprise and weren't able to react in time when he grabbed onto the male guard and tackled him to the ground and pummeled him with his fists.

The female guard began to react only for Anarky to attack her with his cane. The cane hit her stomach and sent an electrical current through her that knocked her out. Mr. Toad wailed on the male guard some more until he too was unconscious.

Ivy heaved a sigh of relief and took out her map again. "Okay, let's hurry up. We might have drawn some attention from making all that noise."

"Right, right, let's move." Mr. Toad sood up.

Ivy continued leading the group down the hall as quickly as she could. She followed the path down the hall until she found the door to the security office. Folding up the map, she beckoned the others close to her. "Alright, on my signal we enter and take out the guards in here. Got it?"

"Of course." Mad Hatter nodded.

"Okay… I'm going to count down. We move in when I say go." Ivy said. "Three… Two… One… Go!" As soon as she shouted out, Ivy burst through the door as hard as she could. Inside the security room was a trio of guards who were surprised to see the group of villains entering the room. "Take them down, quick!"

The guards went to grab their stun guns as the four supervillains descended upon them. They tried to fight back but were quickly overpowered. Mr. Toad, Anarky and Mad Hatter knocked them all out and Ivy tied them up with her vines tightly.

"Alright that takes care of them." Ivy closed the doors and locked them behind her. "So far, everything's gone fairly smoothly. I'm feeling good, what about you guys?"

"Yes, yes, so am I." Mad Hatter nodded with a big smile on his face. "I think this will be wonderful!"

Ivy sighed and sat down in an office chair. She scooted closer to the main control panels of the office and looked up at the bank of monitors showing scenes from all around Arkham. "You know… I just realized something. This might be useful."

"What do you mean?" Anarky asked.

"Well, we were supposed to disable all of this." Ivy said. "But we could use these monitors to locate Harley and the others. It would shave off a lot of time."

"Hmm, good thinking." Mad Hatter remarked.

"Let's see what we can find…" Ivy leaned forward, resting an idle hand on the control panel.

"Be careful with those, we don't know what half of those switches and buttons do." Anarky said.

"I think I should figure this out." Ivy said. "As long as I don't press the button that opens all the locked doors we should be fine."

"What? Why is that a feature?" Mr. Toad asked.

"In case of a fire or some other emergency where everyone needs to evacuate." Ivy explained. "It came in handy that time that big earthquake hit the city. Mostly though people like us use it for our own nefarious means. Anyway, we won't have to worry about that. Right now, we just need to find Harley on these cameras…"

***

In a nearby wing of the Asylum, the other half of the team was still in disguise and patrolling around in search of their friends. Occasionally Selina noticed other guards giving them funny looks but it looked like most of them weren't really interested in looking too closely into them which was a great relief to her.

"I feel like we've been walking in circles." Kite-Man looked around at the walls around him. "Do you know where we are, Selina?"

"Vaguely." Selina admitted. "Look, we're bound to run into Harley sooner or later. Those dyed pigtails of hers stick out really easily."

It was right about then that the walkie-talkie Selina had around her waist crackled to life. "Houseplant to Kitten, we have some vital news for you."

Selina casually picked up the walkie-talkie to respond. "Oh hey there Pam, what's up?"

"Dammit… Selina, we picked out code names for a reason. Remember?"

"Right, right…" Selina sighed a little. "What's your status, Houseplant?"

"We're in the security room. Also, we think we found our targets on the security monitors."

"You don't say? And where are they?"

"Harley and Magpie are in the gym and it looks like Riddler is reading in the rec room."

"That's a big help. Thanks Pam. Um, Houeplant. Over and out." Selina put away the walkie-talkie and looked over to her partner. "Alright, one of you go find Riddler in the rec room. "The rest of us will go get Harley and Ivy from the gym."

"I'll go get Riddler." Black Spider nodded. "Let's meet back up here."

"Wonderful." Selina nodded. With that agreement in place, Black Spider split off from the group while Selina led Kite-Man and Phosphorus Rex closer to the Arkham Asylum gym. She hummed to herself to keep calm as she briskly walked to her destination. "Just act natural, boys…" She glanced at her two partners.

Selina continued through the ancient halls of Arkham, getting ever closer to the exercise room where Harley was supposed to be. However, they were a mere several yards away from the entrance to the gym when a young short haired guard approached them.

"H-hey, I don't think I recognize you guys. Are you new here?" the young guard asked.

"Yep, that's right!" Selina smoothly responded. "Just started working here a couple days ago. Great to meet you." She gave the young man a flirtatious wink.

"Uh huh…" the guard nodded. "Can I see your ID badge?"

"Oh, sure… Let me find it." Selina smirked. She felt around her uniform, not actually searching for anything. Instead she felt herself up in an intentionally sensual way, accentuating her breasts. "Now where did I put it… Did I drop it?" She turned around and bent over, pointing her ass at the guard who by now was blushing profusely. While she teased him, Selina glanced up at Kite-Man and Phosphorus Rex and signalled them to go get Harley with her eyes, intensely looking in the direction of the gym.

The men seemed to get the message and quickly made an exit while the young guard was distracted by Selina's body. It seemed that the power of sex overpowered the man's sense of duty and Kite-Man and Phosphorus Rex were able to get by him without any issue.

The two of them entered the gym shortly after and they both scanned the room in search of Harley. Kite-Man soon spotted her lifting weights in a corner while Magpie lay on her back beside her breathing heavily. Exercising beside them was Killer Croc deadlifting an extra heavy looking weight.

"There they are." Kite-Man whispered to Phosphorus Rex. "C'mon, let's go get them." He led the way through the mostly empty gym over to who they were looking for. Clearing his throat, Kite-Man paused for a moment before trying to say something in character for a guard. "Ms. Quinzel, do you have a moment?"

"Ah c'mon I wasn't doing anything." Harley sighed and put down the weights. She looked up and quickly recognied Kite-Man with a smile flashing across her face. "Oh hey!"

"Shh, quiet. I'm a regular guard doing guard things…" Kite-Man whispered.

"Right, right…" Harley whispered back.

Kite-Man cleared his throat again and tried to get back into character. "Okay Ms. Quinzel, Ms. Pye, you're coming with us."

"Of course." Harley nodded. She glanced to Magpie and gestured for her to come with her. "C'mon Mags, these nice men need us for something."

"Huh?" Magpie sat up a little. Just like Harley, she instantly recognized Kite-Man. "Oh! Uh, yeah sure thing…" She glanced over to Killer Croc. "Hey, see you later Croc."

Croc put down his weight and nodded. "No problem, I'll catch you girls later. Oh and if you run into one of the guards here, big guy named Aaron Cash, tell him I said hi." He chuckled and went back to lifting the weight.

Magpie and Harley walked between Kite-Man and Phosphorus Rex as they left the gym and continued down the hall.

"Just act natural…" Phosphorus Rex whispered. "We need to regroup now."

"Who the hell are you? Are you with the team now?" Harley whispered back to him.

"Yes. We'll save the formal introductions for later." He nodded.

Kite-Man looked around for Selina in the area he last saw her in only to see nothing. However he didn't have to search long when a nearby supply closet door opened and Selina stepped out wearing a slightly ruffled uniform. "Oh hey boys, I knocked out that guard for us. Let him feel me up a little first though." She quickly saw Harley and Magpie. "Boy, you're a sight for sore eyes."

Magpie couldn't control herself and quickly hurried to Selina and hugged her. "I missed you so much…"

"I missed you too, Mags." Selina whispered and pat Magpie on the head. "We need to keep a low profile though, I'm in disguise."

"Right, right…" Magpie let Selina go. "You're a guard and I'm a prisoner."

Magpie backed off from Selina and allowed herself to be pretend-escorted down the hall by the three fake guards. All seemed to be going smoothly, at least for a couple of minutes. As they were walking, a pair of roughed up looking guards came bounding around a corner; a man with a moustache and a woman with short hair.

"Thank god we finally found someone!" the male guard exclaimed. "There are dangerous people loose in here right now. We need to rally together! This place is now under lockdown!"

"Shit…" Selina muttered under her breath. She raised her voice to speak to the two guards. "Alright, alright, you calm down. We've got everything under control. You go off and find more help and we'll handle things."

"Right, thank you." the female guard hurried off with her partner hurrying alongside her.

Once they were out of earshot, Selina picked up her walkie-talkie off her belt and decided that now was the time to contact Ivy. "Hey, Ivy, we've got trouble. People are starting to freak out. Do something about the security and now. We can get out of here if we hurry. But something tells me things are about to get a bit messy…"

Chapter Text

If you asked Dr. Jeremiah Arkham about his great-grandfather's Asylum he would tell you that it was a place of healing. Of course that was not always true. When the Asylum was first built over a hundred years ago the science of mental health was largely archaic by modern standards. It had a relatively uneventful middle period after the death of Amadeus Arkham.

But following the emergence of Batman and his colourful enemies, things at Arkham Asylum only seemed to have been getting worse and worse. For example, on this particular day a group of criminals had broken into Arkham and were in the middle of extracting a small group of patients.

Needless to say, it was just another disaster at Arkham Asylum. Even Arkham's main security hub had been taken over. Currently, Poison Ivy was sitting in an office chair and looking up at the monitors. It seemed that news of their infiltration had spread throughout Arkham and the guards were scrambling to secure all prisoners and get guards ready for a fight.

"Ivy… I think we should do something about this situation." Anarky said, giving her a tap on the shoulder. "Things seem to be getting out of hand."

"Yes, so I've noticed." Ivy nodded. "I'm trying to figure out how to best handle the situation."

"We haven't much time." Mad Hatter pointed out. "This needs to get done before they figure out where we are."

"Just disable the security like we were supposed to." Anarky said. "Things might get chaotic but it should make things easier."

Ivy gave a slight nod. "I suppose it's the best we can do." She leaned forward and looked at the control panel and lifted up a plastic cover over a large button. Taking a deep breath she pressed down on it and a loud beep was heard. As soon as this button was pressed all the emergency electrical locked doors came unlocked and opened. That meant all the cell doors and heavy steel doors closing off hallways. "Alright, let's move before someone figures out what we just did!" She stood up from the chair.

"Where are we going now?" Mr. Toad asked.

"We're meeting up with the others." Ivy said. "Come on, they need help." She made a sweeping gesture with her arm as she made her way to the room's door and the others soon began to follow her out of the security office and further into the Asylum.

***

Elsewhere in the Asylum things had grown more hectic than they already were now that the electronic locks were all temporarily disabled. Guards were dashing about attempting to keep the patients back in their rooms while yet more guards rushed around trying to find intruders.

That is all but a small group of guards. Selina, Kite-Man and Phosphorus Rex were still in disguise as Arkham staff and escorting Harley and Magpie around as if nothing was wrong. Of course the façade of calmness was beginning to crack. Especially for Magpie.

"They're gonna find us out…" Magpie muttered under her breath.

"Stay calm, it'll be fine." Selina whispered as reassuringly as she could. "These Keystone Cops couldn't find their own hands sometimes."

"Right, calm… I can do that…" Magpie nodded.

The group continued down the halls past confused and panicked staff members escorting equally confused patients into their rooms. Despite the chaos around them, the group tried their best to act like everything was completely normal.

It seemed to be working with the actual Arkham workers being too busy to pay them any mind. At least at first it seemed that way.

After several minutes of calm walking a voice shouted out from behind them. "Hey! What are you doing? You need to get these patients somewhere safe."

Turning around, the group saw a tall muscular man in an Arkham guard uniform with a hook in place of his right hand. Looking close, Selina noticed he had a badge that said Aaron Cash on his chest.

"Oh hello. We were doing just that. Taking these patients back to their cells." Selina said.

"Well you sure were taking your sweet time." Cash said. "C'mon, we gotta hurry."

"Of course, sorry. We'll get right on that." Kite-Man nodded.

"Wait a minute…" Cash looked over at Phosphorus Rex. "You, what's your name?"

"Hmm? What?" Phosphorus Rex asked.

"You look familiar but I can't figure it out…" Cash said. "You other two, you must be new. But you.. I've seen you. So, what's your name?"

"I… I'm Milo." Phosphorus Rex replied. "Milo… Milo Morris."

"No, that's not it. I think I know where I saw you." Cash said. "Milo Match, right? Alias, Phosphorus Rex… You're one of Professor Pyg's guys."

"Shit…" Selina whispered and glanced to Phosphorus Rex. "Go get him…"

Phosphorus nodded and glared up at Cash. Without any warning his whole body suddenly burst into flames causing everyone around him to back off.

"You shouldn't have said anything…" Phosphorus Rex looked Cash in the eye.

"Everyone, we have a situation!" Cash grabbed his walkie talkie. "We've found the threat!"

Selina sighed and glanced over to the others. "Alright, time to go on the offensive. Try to be careful here."

With those words of Selina being the confirmation they needed, the rest of the group sprung into action. Things somehow only got more and more hectic from there. Harley, Selina, Magpie and Kite-Man did their best to fight off the other guards and their hand-to-hand combat skills combined with the fact that Phosphorus Rex was currently on fire.

However Aaron Cash managed to do a decent job at combating them mostly due to his hooked hand giving him a bit of an advantage. He managed to knock Kite-Man against the wall and even jab at Phosphorus Rex with it thanks to the hook not registering the pain as the rest of his body.

Of course once Cash started to get the advantage that was when the cavalry showed up. Plant roots burst from out of the floor and restrained Cash.

Instantly, Harley knew what that meant. "Red! You're here too!" She had a huge smile on her face and stood on her tiptoes with glee before even seeing Ivy. The presence of her plants was enough to excite her.

Sure enough, Poison Ivy came around the corner with the other members of her group following her. "Hello Harley, looks like I showed up right on time."

Harley couldn't contain her excitement and rushed to Ivy and practically jumped into her arms. "Ives! You have no idea how much I missed ya!

Ivy leaned in and kissed Harley on the lips. "I missed you too, but we need to focus on getting out of here before we get too involved with our reunion."

"Right, let's get outta here!" Harley nodded.

"Not so fast, we need to regroup with Black Spider first." Selina said. "He went to go find Riddler. Of course now that all this is going down there's no telling where he is now."

"Well, we called in the rest of the team so hopefully they can help us out." Anarky said.

"In the meantime, let's just keep searching Arkham for Riddler and Black Spider." Ivy said. "They should still be fairly nearby. I was keeping an eye on the cameras before I left and I think I saw them heading somewhere in our direction."

"Well that's good for us." Harley said. "C'mon everyone, let's go find 'em!"

The now growing group hurried off while Cash struggled to cut himself out of the vines with his hooked hand. But by the time he'd completely freed himself they were gone and the majority of his fellow guards were unconscious and/or wounded.

While Cash was recovering down the hall, the others had rushed away and taken out any guards who got in the way. Harley in particular was getting more excited the more they fought. She could feel her own heartbeat going crazy as she ran and fought.

Ivy was in the lead of the group as they frantically searched around for Black Spider and Riddler. But right as she turned around a corner with the group she quite fortuitously saw Black Spider walking towards them with Riddler hurrying beside him.

At first Black Spider was surprised and drew a gun from his best. But he quickly recognized his partners and put it down. "Jesus, you guys scared me!"

"Heh, sorry about that." Harley giggled. "We were just lookin' for you."

"Well, you found us." Black Spider sighed. "I was worried about you guys."

"We were worried about you too." Selina nodded. "Now come on, let's get out of here."

But before any of the people in the group could move a red light attached to the ceiling began flashing and large steel doors at the end of the hallway came down from the ceiling with an abrupt clank.

"Shit…" Ivy sighed.

"Looks like they got the emergency systems working again." Anarky said.

"Well, I called in Pyg and the others. Hopefully they can help us out." Ivy said.

"Did you say Pyg?" Riddler spoke up. "As in Professor Pyg? Are you working with that maniac?"

"I hindsight, it was likely a poor choice." Ivy admitted. "But hey, too late to do anything about it. Right now, we need to focus on getting out of here."

"Those doors look pretty tough…" Kite-Man lightly tapped against one of them.

"Phosphorus, think you can melt through it." Selina looked over to Phosphorus Rex.

"I'm hot but not that hot." Phosphorus Rex shook his head. "No way I can melt through metal, sorry."

"Hmm… I think I feel some roots deep underground." Ivy said. "It might take a minute but I think I can use them to destroy the door."

"Alright, go Ivy!" Harley cheered.

Ivy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, making an attempt to concentrate. She felt the plants deep beneath her and reached out to them, urging them to come to her aid. For a few moments she was worried the roots were too deep beneath Arkham to do anything. But her worries were soon proven incorrect. A pair of enormous roots burst out of the ground and broke down the large metal door.

"Good, we're home free." Black Spider smirked. "Great job Ivy."

"Don't thank me yet…" Ivy trailed off. "Looks like we're not quite in the clear…" It seemed that the guards had been planning an ambush as on the other side of the metal gate was a small group of guards armed with tranquilizer guns and batons. Thanks to local laws, guards were forbidden from using lethal force against patients unless in dire circumstances. While it annoyed some guards, it was a bit of a blessing in disguise since it meant that the patients couldn't get their hands on any actual guns.

Not knowing what else to do, the group of villains decided to make an attack against the guards. They made a good effort but soon found themselves being overpowered. Mad Hatter was hit in the chest with a tranquilizer dart and quickly found himself dropping to the ground.

But once more the tides had turned in the favour of the villains when Harley suddenly heard the revving of a car engine. Moments later a black van burst through the wall which knocked back both the guards and villains. The doors to the van opened and out stepped the remaining members of the group.

"We have arrived!" Professor Pyg announced as he got out from the driver's seat.

"Hope we aren't too late." Killer Moth added as he quickly used his cocoon gun to web up a guard.

"Got here just in time!" Harley cheered. "Man, it's great to see you all."

"I suggest we get out of here while we still have a chance." Mr. Freeze fired off his freeze gun and froze a tranquilizer gun to the ground before a nearby guard could grab it.

"Great idea!" Harley nodded. "I've had enough Arkham for now."

In the van, Humpty Dumpty scooted over to the side and got behind the wheel. He attempted to rev the engine again only for it to make a pathetic sputtering noise. "Oh dear, oh dear… I do fear that the engine is no longer in operation."

"Well… That's not good." Magpie said. "Now what?"

"We've still got two more cars parked off in the woods. We just have to run for it." Selina said as she picked up Mad Hatter's tranquilized body.

"You think we can make it?" Kite-Man asked.

"I'd give it a good fifty-fifty chance." Selina shrugged. "But trying and failing is better than doing nothing at all. So let's go!"

With Selina's attempt at an inspiring speech done, the group began to flee with Pyg kicking down an guard attempting to stand up as he began to leave. The alarm was ringing but got fainter as the large group of villains all squeezed out of the hole in the side of the building and ran down the hill into the forest.

"Man, it feels good to get your blood pumping like this!" Harley cheered.

"I wish we all could share your enthusiasm…" Mr. Freeze flatly said. He lagged behind the group slightly due to his heavy containment suit.

"We can all make it, just push yourself!" Kite-Man tried to remain optimistic.

Thanks to his rather out of shape physique Humpty Dumpty was falling behind quite a bit. Professor Pyg noticed this and grabbed his hand. "Don't stop now Humpty-Man! We're almost home! Home to our glorious mother!"

"Um, yes sir!" Humpty Dumpty nodded, now panting heavily. "Oh dear, is anyone else getting dizzy?"

"C'mon, don't pass out on us!" Ivy tried to motivate him. "Mad Hatter already did that."

Even though they were making good time down the hill, the gauntlet wasn't over just yet. The group heard something that sounded like a large gun firing and before they even knew what happened a large net was over Mr. Freeze, entangling him and causing him to fall to the ground. The net was caught on pieces of his armour and made it difficult for him to remove. Looking behind him he saw Aaron Cash with a large experimental looking gun, although perhaps cannon would be a better description.

"You all don't think you've escaped just yet!" Cash used his hooked hand to load in another tightly wound net.

Harley turned around and scrambled back to untangle Mr. Freeze. "Don't worry… I got'cha…"

"What are you doing? Go!" Mr. Freeze yelled.

"No way! I didn't let you guys break in here to free me just for one of ya to get captured." Harley shook her head. "C'mon big guy, we're doin' this!" The net was heavy and tough but Harley did her best to try and untangle him.

Cash tried to aim the gun at Harley which proved slightly difficult thanks to his handicap. However after a bit of fumbling he was able to get a decent aim on his gun. "I got you now…"

But before he could fire, a familiar voice spoke up from behind him. "Hey Cash… Remember me?"

Aaron Cash turned around and saw the imposing figure of Killer Croc standing behind him with a big grin on his face. "You…"

"Tick-tock, Hooky." Croc smirked at Aaron. Many years ago he'd bitten off Cash's hand during an escape attempt and the two of them had been engaged in a rivalry of sorts ever since.

Thinking fast, Cash tired around and fired the net gun at Croc but he quickly tore through it with his powerful body. "You have to do better than that, Cash!" Laughing a bit, Croc charged forward at Cash and knocked him to the side with a powerful swipe from his arm. Cash crashed to the ground hard which knocked him unconscious.

"Croc!" Harley cheered. "Thanks for the assist."

"No problem Harley, I was sick of being stuck in there anyway." Croc said. "Mind if I tag along?"

"Sure thing old buddy!" Harley nodded. "Just help me untangle Mr. Freeze, alright?"

"No problem." Croc went over and quickly ripped the net containing Mr. Freeze to pieces.

"Thank you." Mr. Freeze gave a slight nod as he stood up.

"Hey! Room for one more!" a familiar voice called out from behind them.

Looking behind Croc, Harley saw the Great White Shark approaching her. He stood with his arms outstretched as he smiled. "I figured I'd join you all, see where all the fun is!"

Harley smiled and took a step towards him. "Gee, I thought ya said you wanted to stay at Arkham."

"I do. But you intrigue me, Harley." Great White Shark said. "I'd like to come with you."

"Sure thing Sharky! Glad we can let bygones be bygones." Harley nodded. "C'mon, the others are in the van by now." She hurried down the hill towards the vans while the others followed. After a few minutes, they reached the wooded area where the vans were. It appeared that one had already driven away but there was still one van left. Moving quickly, Harley hopped in the back of the van. "Made it!" She landed on her chest with a smile on her face.

Sighing, she rolled over and looked up. She saw Ivy, Anarky, Professor Pyg and Mr. Toad in the back of the car with Magpie and Selina in the passenger's and driver's seats respectively. Harley giggled as she sat up and waved to the others in the car. "Uh, hey everybody! Wow, it's good to be back!"

"Good to have you back." Ivy leaned in and gave Harley a kiss on the forehead. Feeling just the smallest bit of physical intimacy between them was enough to make Harley shiver.

"Can I start driving now?" Selina asked.

"Yep! We're all in!" Ivy nodded. "Looks like we picked up some new passengers too. Now c'mon, let's catch up with the others."

Selina nodded and quickly sped off in the van as Killer Croc closed the doors behind them.

Harley continued lying on the floor of the van as it went down the road. "Wow… I can't believe it… I'm free! Thanks a lot guys!"

"Oh, it was no problem." Ivy smiled. "I missed you… It's so good to have you back."

"I feel the same way." Harley looked into Ivy's eyes. "Now c'mon, I want you to kiss me.." She giggled as she reached up and pulled Ivy down onto her. The two of them began kissing passionately while they held onto each other. "Oh Red… I missed you so much while I was in there…"

"I know, Harls… Now we're together." Ivy kept kissing Harley.

Harley began unbuttoning her Asylum uniform only for Ivy to grab her hand to get her to stop.

"Save it for when we're alone, Harls… There are other people here." Ivy whispered.

Harley looked around and awkwardly waved to the others. "Oh, uh, hey guys… Sorry if that was awkward."

"Don't do it again." Professor Pyg said. "Pyg doesn't like watching bodies touch each other like that…"

"Whatever ya say, you big weirdo." Harley giggled and crawled out from under Ivy. "Hey, where are we staying now by the way?"

"Well, Jenna's been letting us stay at her place." Ivy said. "But I think she's a bit nervous about us attracting attention to her."

"I know a good place to hide out if you need it." Croc said.

"I'll keep it in mind. Thanks Croc!" Harley smiled and waved to him. She took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling satisfied with her life. "Man, it's good to be back! We're gettin' right back to business now, right?" She glanced to Ivy.

"We sure are Harls. We sure are." Ivy smiled at Harley, happy to finally be reunited with her. She knew that no matter what happened next, she was just glad to have Harley by her side doing it with her.

Chapter Text

Recently there had been a lot of changes in the life of Harley Quinn. About a month or so ago she'd returned to Gotham after an extended vacation only to find the city in the midst of a gang war. Not being a fan of organized crime, instead prefer to be an individual nutjob, Harley and her friends started her own personal war with these groups. This ended with her in Arkham Asylum until her girlfriend Ivy and various other friends and allies broke her out.

But being free from Arkham still didn't solve all her problems. Her enemies had already found Selina's apartment so Harley decided she'd stay away for now and Jenna said she only had enough room in her house for three people. But fortunately for Harley she had a third option in this case.

During her escape from Arkham Asylum, she'd helped fellow inmate and old Suicide Squad friend Killer Croc break out with her. According to Croc, he knew a few out of the way places they could stay. Of course most of these places turned out to be either in the sewer or subway system and in the end Harley and Ivy decided they'd stay in the subway with Killer Croc while Selina tried to move back into her old apartment with Magpie. Of course despite the group deciding to split off, they still kept in touch and met up regularly.

As for where exactly Harley and Ivy went, Killer Croc took them to a closed off part of the subway that led into a surprisingly large area that he'd converted into a house sometime ago. It had two large beds, a generator for electricity, a stocked pantry and even a laptop that was leeching off the subway's free wi-fi.

It had been about a week since Harley left Arkham and she'd quickly adjusted to living in the subway with Ivy and Killer Croc. The main thing she had to adjust to was the complete lack of natural light. Harley could adjust to it okay but Ivy's unique plant-based biology depended on sunlight. So the two of them made frequent trips above ground to do some tanning.

On this morning Harley was awoken by the sound of her alarm clock and after a fruitless attempt to smother it with a pillow she pulled herself out of bed and saw Ivy was already awake, sitting in a chair in the corner and reading a book.

"Oh hey ya, Red. How's it going?" Harley stood up and stretched a little.

"Oh, fine enough." Ivy smiled, looking up from her book. "Croc went above ground to get us something to eat."

"Aww, that's sweet of him." Harley sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped into some fluffy house slippers she'd bought. Other than the slippers, Harley had absolutely nothing on. Something about living in the secluded and relatively quiet place they were now living made Harley and Ivy decide that they felt comfortable being naked. They felt the same back at Selina's apartment but due to a combination of Magpie's slight prudishness and the open windows they covered up a little. But here underground, they felt comfortable baring it all. Even with Croc around.

Of course for now, the two naked girlfriends were by themselves. Harley stood up again and stretched more. This was partially because she was still waking up and wanted to get her blood flowing but mostly because she wanted to give Ivy a little show.

"So Pammy, how's your morning?" Harley asked as she bent over forward and ran a hand down to her ankle. "Readin' anything good?"

"Yes actually, I'm reading Frankenstein. Haven't read it since high school English class. It holds up really well." Ivy remarked, glancing up from the book to admire her girlfriend's body. "Harley? Are you teasing me?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about." Harley giggled. "I'm just doin' my morning exercises. But if you wanna stare, I ain't gonna stop you."

"In that case, I think I'll stare. Just for a little bit." Ivy smirked, watching Harley warm up. After a while, Ivy went back to reading while Harley looked through some CDs that Croc had lying around and tried to find something good to play. Eventually she settled on a best of compilation of The B-52. She put it in Croc's portable CD player and began dancing along to Love Shack.

Even though Harley wasn't actively showing off anymore, Ivy couldn't help but sneak a few peeks at her. The energetic way she moved her body was very enticing. But Ivy had little time to admire her girlfriend when the door to their hideout opened. Although perhaps "door" was a charitable description. It was more of a large sheet of metal leaned against the opening in the stone that led to the hideout.

Regardless of what it was, Killer Croc entered the hideout carrying a brown paper bag in one hand. "Hey there girls! I got something to eat. You two still naked?"

"Yep!" Harley cheered and continued dancing.

"Whatever." Croc chuckled. "You girls do whatever makes you comfortable. I don't judge."

"What did you get for us?" Harley glanced up from her book as Croc put the bag down on a nearby table.

"Went out to this Greek place and got some gyros." Croc said. "I've been there before, it's good stuff."

"Sounds yummy!" Harley stopped her dancing and went to go turn down the music slightly.

Ivy put down her book and went to the table to help herself to something to eat. "Smells pretty good."

"Yeah I've been there before, it's a nice place." Croc nodded as he took a wrapped up gyro out from the bag. "Oh by the way, you girls might wanna get dressed sooner or later? Ran into a friend of mine while I was out and invited him to come over later."

"Who's your friend?" Harley asked.

"Just another villain guy. Calls himself Ratcatcher." Killer Croc explained. "He's weird, but friendly. To me anyway. Just try to be decent if you don't want a guy obsessed with rodents staring at you."

"I'll keep that in mind." Ivy said. "We were actually planning to bring Magpie and Selina over here. So I guess we'll be having a little party going on."

"Sounds like a fun time." Croc remarked as he took a bite from his gyro. "Your friends seem nice, I look forward to getting to know 'em better."

"We're gonna go meet 'em on the surface and bring them down here." Harley said. "Should be nice."

"Should be nice to have a get together then. I think Ratcatcher will be happy to meet all of you. He's a bit of an oddball but I think you'll like him."

"Hmm, guess we'll see." Ivy shrugged a little. "Harley and I will leave fairly soon. But we should be back in time to spend more time with you and your friend."

"It's a deal." Croc said. "I'm lookin' forward to it."

***

About forty or so minutes later, the girls had finished their meal and gotten dressed in something casual and inconspicuous. Harley had a hoodie and sweatpants on and made sure the hood was up to cover her distinctive dyed twintails. Ivy dressed in some jeans and a leather jacket which she thought looked fairly casual. The two of them left Croc to have some time to himself and tidy up around the hideout.

After some careful sneaking around in the abandoned section of the subway, Harley and Ivy made it above ground. Ivy sighed happily as she felt the warming rays of the sun touch her skin. "Ahh… Wonderful…"

"Ya sure love the sun, don'cha?" Harley smiled.

"I do. It feels fantastic." Ivy sighed, looking up at the sky with a big smile on her face.

Harley couldn't help but giggle as she watched her girlfriend. "With those sounds you're making it's almost like you're getting an orgasm from the sun."

"Oh, don't be crude." Ivy couldn't help but laugh a little. "Come on, let's go find that cafe the girls said they'd meet us at."

Harley giggled and held Ivy's hand as they walked down the street together. With all the craziness in her life lately Harley had almost forgotten what it was like to just do normal couple things with Ivy. Something as simple as holding her hand on a sunny day made her happy beyond all belief.

"I never wanna be separated from you again." Harley looked at Ivy as they walked hand-in-hand.

"I feel the same way." Ivy nodded. "And if you're ever caught like that again, I promimse I'll come get you."

"Mmm, good." Harley squeezed Ivy's hand. "I'd do the same for you."

The two of them continued down the street until they reached a small cafe on a street corner simply called The Nook. It seemed that Magpie and Selina had gotten there first and were sitting out on the patio enjoying a coffee and espresso respectively.

Seeing Harley and Ivy approach, Selina waved out to them. "Hey girls, over here! We saved a nice table for you two."

"Aww, how thoughtful of you." Harley smiled as she entered the patio and took a seat opposite Selina.

Ivy soon joined her, sitting beside Harley and opposite Magpie. "So girls, how are you?"

"Oh it's nice to move back into my apartment." Selina said. "I get to spend more time with my cats now so I like that."

"I don't think your cats like me very much." Magpie remarked.

"Don't worry, they'll warm up to you." Selina said.

"Yeah they tried to scratch me the first few times I was over at her place." Harley said. "But now I think they like me."

"Well, I sure hope they get to like me." Magpie nodded. "They keep waking me up by walking on my chest."

"Oh that's normal. They do that to me too." Selina chuckled. "Actually, that might mean they like you."

"As much as I'd like to keep talking about your cats, I'm in the mood for something hot to drink." Ivy said. "Can I order something?"

"Be my guest. You too Harley." Selina said. "Everything's on me today."

"Ooh, thanks." Harley smiled.

Ivy and Harley both ordered themselves some drinks and, in Harley's case, a cookie. Soon enough the four women were happily chatting away while enjoying their coffees. They talked for at least an hour about whatever happened to come to mind. Some of it was light fare like what was on TV or funny personal anecdotes. But eventually the topic of conversation shifted to their disastrous attempt to bring down the three big Gotham mob organizations.

It turned out that Riddler too had decided to keep a low profile for the time being. It was a wise idea since their breakout from Arkham caused quite a bit of attention. However despite him keeping out of the public eye, apparently Riddler had been talking with Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze about possible future plans.

Whatever those pans were, Selina and Magpie were staying out of it for the time being. They'd had enough schemes for now and were perfectly content to relax and lay low like the other girls until they felt safe enough to go back out in the open.

After a few hours of talking the coffee cups were drained and only some crumbs remained on Harley's plate. By all accounts it had been a successful day.

"So, you two wanna come back to our place?" Harley looked over the table at Selina and Magpie. "The fun's not over yet, right?"

"Oh, certainly." Selina nodded. "I'd love to spend more time with you."

"Don't you guys live in the sewer now?" Magpie asked.

"It's not a sewer, it's the abandoned part of the subway." Harley said. "So, you know, slightly less disgusting." She stood up and the others soon followed suit. "So girls, ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm ready. You two lead the way." Selina said.

"Right, follow us." Ivy nodded as they left the cafe. She walked down the street with Harley by her side, Selina and Magpie following right behind them. "Oh by the way, Croc's gonna be there. And he said he'd have a friend over."

"That's fine with me. He seemed friendly enough." Magpie said. "He is a bit intimidating though…"

"Ah don't worry, Croc's a real sweetheart one you get to know him." Harley smiled.

"Thank god for that." Magpie nodded. "Wait, who's this friend of his?"

"Some guy called Ratcatcher. Never met him personally." Harley said. "Either of you girls know him?"

"Oh yeah, I ran into him a few times." Selina said. "Tried working with him on a few jobs but he seemed… Well, he seemed erratic to put it mildly."

"Yeah I can see that." Ivy said. "Croc said he lives with rats. That must do a number on your sanity."

"Says the lady who talks to plants." Harley giggled and squeezed her hand playfully.

Ivy laughed a bit and continued walking. "Alright, come on, let's get back to the subway."

The four girls continued on their way down the street making casual small talk together. It truly had been too long since they were able to do things like this. But it seemed that forces were conspiring to keep the girls from having a completely normal day.

As they strolled down the street, they gradually became aware of someone behind them calling out. "Hey! Hey, ladies! I'm talking to you guys!"

Turning around, the three women quickly saw none other than the scarred, pale face of the Great White Shark. He approached them while waving widely. It appeared he'd cleaned himself up since the girls last saw him. At least in terms of attire. He wore a cleanly pressed black suit with a white and blue pinstripe suit beneath.

"Oh hey ya Sharky, didn't think I'd see you so soon." Harley smiled at him. "Nice suit!"

"Thanks, I bought it a couple days ago." Great White Shark said.

"Have you been following us around or something?" Ivy asked, crossing her arms.

"Following? No. Looking for you? Yes." Great White Shark said. "Been talking to some associates of mine and we think you and your friends have some very unique talents. Would you be interested in forming an alliance with us?"

"I don't think so." Harley shook her head. "Look, I appreciate how friendly you're bein' but I just don't wanna work with you right now. Especially since, y'know, you're associated with organized crime."

"Fair, completely fair." Great White Shark nodded. "But please, keep my offer in mind."

"Uh, yeah. Sure man." Harley politely smiled at him. "I think I should get going though. I got places to be, y'know?"

"Completely understood. Have a nice day." Great White Shark said. And with that he turned around and walked away.

"Well… He certainly is a character." Selina remarked.

"I'm not sure I like him." Ivy said.

"I don't think you like anyone, Ivy." Magpie chuckled.

"That's not true. I like you girls a lot." Ivy said. "But I suppose you're more the exception than the rule."

With that odd encounter out of the way, the girls made their way down into the restricted parts of the subway and towards where Killer Croc was hiding out. Magpie felt paranoid as they walked around the subway, always worried about someone catching them. But the other three girls were pretty calm about the whole thing with Harley even humming a little tune to herself as she walked along.

Eventually, they came to the hidden hole in the wall that the girls were currently calling home. Harley slid the panel to the side revealing the humble home inside. "Hey ya Croc, guess who's home!"

"Hey there Harley!" Croc called out from inside. "C'mon in, Ratcatcher's already here."

"That's great. My friends are here too." Harley had a jaunty smile on her face as she entered. She strolled in with Ivy, Selina and Magpie following behind her. Ivy was the last to enter and made sure to pull the piece of metal firmly back into place.

Killer Croc had set up a folding table and placed out a few snacks. Bags of chips, a box of cookies, some crackers and, the most fancy item on the table, a block of cheese. Seated at the table across from Killer Croc was a lithe, blonde haired man who Harley could only presume was Ratcatcher.

He was dressed in a shabby green outfit and he had a worn old gas mask lying on the table beside him. Looking up, he gave a polite nod to the girls. "Hello there!"

"You must be Ratcatcher." Harley smiled at him. "Great to meet ya!"

"Yes, Croc told me a bit about you. So nice to meet new people… I mostly just talk to my rats." Ratcatcher said.

"You talk to rats?" Magpie asked.

"Yes, they're very nice… But they have very simple minds." Ratcatcher said. "You should try talking to them sometime."

"I might try it." Ivy remarked. "I always say people should talk to plants more."

"Talking to plants? Hmm, interesting." Ratcatcher nodded.

Croc chuckled a bit. "Glad to see you're all off to a good start! I'll set up some chairs for you girls."

"Thank you, such a gracious host." Selina smiled as Croc got up and fetched some more folding chairs.

"Oh, thank you." Magpie sat down at one of the chairs as it was set up. "I could use a bite to eat. Haven't had much today really."

"Try the cheese, it's great." Ratcatcher said.

Harley giggled. "Figures the mouse would like the cheese."

"I'm a rat, not a mouse." Ratcatcher replied. "I mean… I'm a man, not a rat."

"Well whatever you are, I think I like ya." Harley giggled as she helped herself to a cracker and a slice of cheese. "Mmm, this is good stuff."

Killer Croc found himself smiling as he looked around the table. Thanks to his rare genetic condition he was often a source of mockery since a young age. But here around the table, he was happy that he'd united all these people. "Well I think this dinner is going great. Don't you?" He helped himself to a handful of chips.

"Hell yeah I do!" Harley cheered. "I'm havin' a great time."

"Same here." Selina nodded. "Today's some of the most fun I've had in a while."

"Well then, let's keep the party going." Ivy smirked. "Who's with me?"

General cheers of agreement rang out around the table, echoing throughout the small hideout. The polite celebrations would continued for quite some time and things would liven up further when Harley decided to play The B-52s CD again.

***

While the excited celebration deep underground happened, things were much more sombre and quiet in Gotham's industrial district. More specifically, inside the abandoned shell of the old Sionis Steel Mill.

Inside the abandoned steel mill sat Roman Sionis behind a desk looking over some paperwork. Those gangster movies he loved in his youth made being a mob boss look a lot less boring. But his paperwork was interrupted, as was typical, by a knock at his door.

"Come in, it's not locked." Black Mask muttered.

The door opened an in stepped two very pale men in nice suits; the Joker and the Great White Shark. Joker approached the desk fast with his arms stretched wide. "Masky! So good to see you again!"

"Joker, Mr. White." Black Mask nodded at the two visitors. "What brings you two here?"

"Oh, I ran into Sharksy here on the way up." Joker shrugged. "He said something about news for you. I think it's related to Harley."

"Yes, her…" Black Mask nodded, narrowing his eyes at Joker. "Thank you for holding back on your agenda against her, by the way. I'm sure it requires a lot of self restraint." He then glanced to Great White Shark. "So, what did you have to say?"

"Well, I've been looking into recruiting her. Even her whole team." Great White Shark said. "Ms. Quinzel isn't as stupid as she looks."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Joker chuckled. "I dated her for quite a while and I beg to differ."

"Joker…" Black Mask glared at him. "Let Mr. White talk."

"Oh, fine…" Joker said. "What does the fish have to say?"

"I think she'd be a great addition to our team." Great White Shark explained. "I tried talking to her but she seems uninterested. But still, I think we can convince her."

"I don't think she'd be a good fit." Joker shook her head. "Harley… She was a sweet kid, but her head was always in the clouds."

"It's not just about her." Great White Shark went on. "That network around her. Poison Ivy, Catwoman, the bird lady… And not to mention her recent associate, the Riddler. These are some fairly powerful people and it would be a mistake to make them an enemy."

Black Mask remained silent for a moment, clasping his hands together and leaning forward on his desk. "You make some good points. I'll have to look into this." He nodded. "I just hope none of our rivals have the same idea as we do."

"Oh relax, they don't have my cunning mind on their side." Great White Shark tapped on his own skull.

"Oh. Hooray." Black Mask flatly said. "This had better not end badly for me."

"Don't worry, this'll be perfectly fine." Great White Shark said.

"Fine or not, I'm going to enjoy watching the results of this whole escapade!" Joker couldn't help but cackle.

***

Hours passed and back underground the celebration in the subway tunnel hide out had dwindled. Selina, Magpie and Ratcatcher had all decided it was time to go home for the night. Ratcatcher had left on his own and said he knew how to go back to his own place of residence but Magpie and Selina had no real idea how to get out. So Croc volunteered to help take them back to their place. Or at least out of the subway system.

This left Harley and Ivy at the hideout by themselves getting ready for bed. Harley only had her panties on and was lying in bed. Ivy had just finished putting away some food from their celebration into a cooler. Unlike Harley she had forgone clothes untiley. She enjoyed how nudity made her feel more in touch with nature. Plus, although she wouldn't admit it to most, she had a bit of an exhibitionist side to her.

Once she was done cleaning up, Ivy sat down on the bed and took off her house slippers before crawling under the blankets with Harley. "Hello Harley… Feeling comfortable?"

"Mmm… Very." Harley nodded. "Especially now that you're here." She inched closer to Ivy and wrapped her up in a hug. "I love ya, Red…"

"Thanks Harls, I love you too." Ivy smiled and held Harley close to her.

"I'm your little cuddlebug…" Harley giggled and kissed Ivy's cheek.

"You're sweet Harley, I'm glad we have what we have." Ivy felt warmer under the sheets as she held her girlfriend.

Together, the two of them felt comforted as they lay there together. Things may not have been easy for them at the moment but they knew that together they could get their own kind of happiness out of life and just maybe, they could win against whoever was trying to put them down.

Chapter Text

The life of Harley Quinn had been looking up lately. Granted her earlier plans of taking down organized crime in Gotham had kinda fallen through. Even Riddler was taking a step back from that. But still, she didn't really mind at all. Sometimes she got so caught up in the supervillain lifestyle that she forgot to do normal things. Just because she dressed like a jester and went around hitting people with a giant mallet didn't mean she couldn't unwind occasionally.

And so Harley had spent the past two weeks doing exactly that, relaxing without a care in the world. She'd taken this time to go on a few dates with Ivy and have some days out with her friends.

On this particularly sunny Saturday morning, she'd decided to go out to the beach with the girls. She'd asked Killer Croc if he'd like to come along but he declined, citing that a giant lizard-man would be a bit suspicious hanging around a beach. Plus he mentioned something about already having plans for the day.

So with that, Harley and Ivy packed up some swimsuits, some cash for buying lunch and some sunblock and got ready to go meet their friends out on the beach.

The beaches in Gotham City weren't exactly known for their beauty. In fact a lot of them were avoided on account of litter washing up ashore quite often. Of course recently the city has undertaken measures to make Gotham more tourist friendly. Mostly for economic reasons but also because they wanted to make Gotham a less depressing place to live in.

So as a result, a recently cleaned beach with a renovated boardwalk was now available for all to visit. And that was exactly where Harley and Ivy found themselves going today.

The two women were already changed into their swimsuits and sandals as they walked onto the beach in search of Selina and Magpie. Harley was dressed up in a comfortable red bikini while Ivy wore a more conservative, but still tight, one-piece swimsuit.

"Gosh it's nice out today!" Harley said to no one in particular as she walked along the beach.

"Sure is, Harls." Ivy nodded. "I'm looking forward to absorbing a lot of sun today."

"That's nice." Harley smiled. "If we end up in a secluded enough spot on the beach I might wanna try some topless sunbathing." She gave Ivy a wink.

"Oh, I see your tits every day. No need to be all teasing about it." Ivy said.

"Fair enough, but you never get tired of seeing them, do ya?"

"That's true."

The girlfriends walked around the beach until they found exactly who they were looking for, Selina and Magpie sprawled out on some brightly coloured beach towels with an umbrella set up over them. Magpie was dressed in a purple one-piece swimsuit with white stripes. It was fairly conservative but like with Ivy's swimwear, it still showed off a little bit. Selina, on the other hand, was completely shameless with her sense of dress. While Harley's bikini kept her covered like any good pair of underwear would, Selina's breasts were on display fairly prominently. The only thing that kept her decent was the bikini keeping her nipples out of view. The lower half of her swimsuit was basically just a small triangle of fabric covering her crotch and a slightly larger one covering her ass.

"Hey gals!" Harley cheered while waving her hand wildly. "You havin' fun already? Looks like Selina's showing off, as usual."

"Sure am!" Selina adjusted her sunglasses and smiled at Ivy and Harley. "Glad you got here. Magpie packed us a cooler. Got some stuff to eat for lunch in there."

"Ooh, thanks." Harley said. "I got some money so we could check out the food stands so that could work too."

"Well, I didn't pack any desserts." Magpie admitted. "So if you wanted to stop for some ice cream or some taffy, I'm totally all for it."

"I'll keep that in mind." Harley nodded.

From there, Harley and Ivy began setting up with their friends on the beach. They put down some more towels and lay down on them. Soon all four women were lying in the umbrella's shade and chatting it up.

Harley quickly ended up pressing herself against Ivy as they talked. Cuddling with her girlfriend, no matter where or when always filled her with an excited feeling of fuzzy warmness. She gave Ivy kisses occasionally and held onto her in an intimate but still appropriate way.

Magpie and Selina were less outwardly intimate, mostly due to Magpie's shyness. But the two of them held hands from time to time while they talked.

"I gotta say, it really is a beautiful day out." Ivy looked around. "I can hear the birds chirping and everything."

"I dunno if I'd call seagull squawking chirping but to each their own." Selina shrugged.

"I like seagulls. When I was a little girl I followed this one seagull on the beach around and she showed me where the shiny things were. I named her Sarah." Magpie said.

"Aww, that's sweet." Harley giggled a bit. She looked up to Ivy and smiled. "Hey, I think I'm gonna go swimming. Y'know, splash around in the ocean a bit."

"Mmm, that does sound pretty nice." Selina said.

"Heh, and here I thought cats hated getting wet." Harley remarked

"Oh, I'm full of surprises." Selina chuckled.

Harley looked at Magpie and then glanced up to Ivy. "What about you two, wanna join us?"

"Hmm, not just yet. I wanna soak up some more sun here first." Ivy said. "I'll be sure to join you later though."

"I wanna go out and get some of that taffy I mentioned." Magpie said. "I'll go get some and then I'll swim with you girls."

"Okay, catch up with ya later then." Harley nodded and stood up. "Selina, wanna join me?"

"Oh, you know it." Selina stood up as well. "Ready to go?"

"Sure thing!" Harley nodded and blew a kiss to Ivy. "See you girls in a bit!" She happily began walking down the beach towards the water with a slight hop in her step.

Selina smiled and glanced over at Ivy and Magpie. "I'll keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't hurt herself."

"Probably a good idea." Ivy nodded. "Harley has trouble remembering her personal safety when she gets excited."

Selina walked along the beach after Harley to go play with her in the ocean. Once the two of them were gone Magpie looked over at Ivy and smiled a little. "Hey Pamela, wanna go get some taffy with me?"

"Sure thing." Ivy said. "I'll admit, I do have a bit of a soft spot for candy."

"So do I." Magpie nodded. "C'mon, let's go get some."

Ivy looked around for a moment. "Is it safe to leave our stuff alone like this? What if someone steals our stuff?"

"I'll take our wallets with us." Magpie said. "Even if someone does try to rummage through our stuff, I doubt they wanna steal soda and sunscreen."

"Fair enough." Ivy nodded. "Alright, let's go."

Ivy and Magpie both stood up from their little spot on the beach and began walking back up towards the boardwalk. They walked side by side, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of the boardwalk while on their way to the saltwater taffy store.

The sun shined down on them and warmed them up as they strolled around. As they walked, they attracted some looks from passersby. The two women were dressed in swimsuits that clung to the curves of their bodies rather nicely.

Their bodies caught a few glances from curious young men and a few women too. Ivy relished in the attention she got. She didn't try to draw any attention to herself, she simply continued walking and enjoyed the eyes on her.

Magpie, on the other hand, was a bit apprehensive about all the attention. She leaned in towards Ivy and whispered. "Ivy… People are looking at us."

"I know." Ivy nodded with a smirk. "It's because we're sexy."

"People think I'm sexy?" Magpie whispered, now blushing.

"Of course you are. Look at you." Ivy looked her over for a moment. "You've got a good body. You just need to be more confident."

"Well that's nice… I just wish they'd stare less."

"If they touch either of us, I'll make them regret it. Don't worry."

Ivy and Magpie found a small store with a big sign advertising candies and taffy for sale. The two of them nodded to each other before entering the store together. A young woman was behind the counter who gave a polite nod at the two women.

"Oh, hello there. Is there anything you're looking for?" The clerk asked.

"Just some taffy for me and my friends." Magpie said. "That's me, my friend here," She gestured to Ivy. "And two more girls hanging out on the beach."

"Well, um, feel free to look around." The clerk smiled. "I'd recommend a half pound bag. Or a one pound bag if you're feeling indulgent."

"Hmm, let's go for indulgent." Ivy nodded along. "Something tells me Harley's gonna eat a lot of these. She has a sweet tooth, you know?"

"Alright, we'll get a one pound bag then." Magpie said. She looked at Ivy. "Any flavours you want?"

"Let's get caramel flavoured." Ivy replied. "Everyone loves caramel."

"Sure. We'll have a one pound bag of caramel taffy." Magpie said.

"What kind of Caramel?" asked the clerk.

"What do you mean?"

"Well we have several kinds of caramel taffy."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Well there's plain caramel, caramel cheesecake, chocolate caramel, caramel apple and caramel popcorn."

After pausing for a moment, Magpie replied. "We'll just get a mixed bag with all the caramel."

The clerk nodded and went about filling a bag with the requested taffy. While she went about her business, Magpie and Ivy looked at each other. With a small smile, Ivy nodded. "It's nice hanging out with you Magpie. We should do it more."

"Yeah, you're really nice… Subdued. I like it." Magpie said. "I like Selina but she's a lot more outgoing than me."

"Harley's like that too. Just outgoing in a different way." Ivy remarked.

***

While Magpie and Ivy were chatting and purchasing taffy, Selina and Harley had been enjoying the ocean together. Currently Selina was lying on her back, floating in the water and enjoying the feeling of the water. Harley was nearby, crouched down the water and searching around for any neat looking shells. The part of the beach they were on was still shallow enough to not have to worry for the time being.

Selina noticed Harley sifting through the wet sand below her and decided to address her. She shifted around in the water before standing up. "Find anything fun, Harley?"

"Just a few things." Harley shrugged. "I wanna find an intact shell though. Something pretty to keep as a souvenir."

"Sounds nice." Selina got closer to Harley. "Need any help finding it?"

"Sure thing!" Harley nodded.

Selina bent over forwards to look on the sandy floor for any buried shells. As she felt around on the ground for anything that felt like a shell, Harley couldn't help her eyes from going straight between Selina's breasts. Even though Selina had her bikini on, it somehow made her look more scandalous than if she was completely naked. It was something about how the bikini top looked like how it was close to exposing her that made it so tantalizing.

"Harley, are you staring at my tits?" Selina had an amused smirk on her face.

"Um, yes." Harley nodded.

"Alright then." Selina said.

After a slightly awkward pause Harley spoke again. "Wanna check further out for some more shells?"

"Sure thing. I like the ocean. It feels nice." Selina said.

The two women continued walking out into the ocean with Harley in particular keeping her eyes on the ground for any shells. She hummed herself a little tune while she walked out further, the water now up to her waist.

While they walked Selina decided to chat a bit more. "So Harley, do you like my breasts?"

"Well, yeah. They look pretty good." Harley nodded. "Don't try to seduce me though. Me and Ivy, we're real good together. Unless you want a threesome. Ivy might be down for that."

"Hmm, tempting offer." Selina chuckled. "But Magpie seems pretty monogamous. But who knows. She can be surprisingly kinky in the bedroom."

"Ooh, like how?"

"Oh, I don't think she'd like me gossiping. We can talk about my tits more if you'd like?"

"Hehe, sure thing. I like boobs." Harley hummed to herself some more. "You're really showin' 'em off today, aren't you?"

"What can I say, it's fun." Selina shrugged a little. "I like showing off."

As they waded around in the increasingly deepening water, Harley noticed a boat nearby. She could hear some techno music playing faintly from it and some young college age men drinking and dancing along to it.

"Huh, looks like there's some kinda frat party goin' on here." Harley pointed out to the boat.

"Hmm… You don't say?" Selina smirked.

"Are you gettin' a plan of some kind?" Harley asked.

"Something like that." Selina nodded. She cleared her throat and raised her voice to shout over to the party boat. "Hey boys! Over here!" The college boys on the boat saw Selina and Harley and waved over to them. Satisfied with the attention, Selina smiled. Without another word she pulled down her bikini top to flash her bare breasts to them. She paused for a moment to let them look before putting her top back into place. "Hope you enjoyed the show!"

With that Selina swam off with Harley quickly following her, giggling like mad. "Man! And people call me crazy!"

"What? I can unwind, have a little fun." Selina said. "Those boys are going to be talking about this for a while. I think I made their day."

Harley kept giggling as they swam around. "Man, ya really know how to party!"

"Thank you…" Selina smiled. "You're not so bad either. I'm having a lot of fun swimming around like this."

"Yeah swimming's great!" Harley splashed around in the water some more. For a few minutes more her and Selina swam around, generally enjoying themselves.

However, it seemed that there was something conspiring to make sure their beach day wasn't all just fun in the sun. Out of what felt like completely nowhere something grabbed Selina and Harley's legs from below and began dragging them underwater.

The girls had very little time to contemplate what was happening. All they knew was that they were completely submerged in saltwater and being dragged at an almost alarmingly high speed. But just as fast as it happened, it stopped.

Selina and Harley emerged from the ocean and whoever held them unloaded them onto a speedboat. Gasping for air, Harley sputtered and spit up a mouthful of saltwater. "What the hell was that!?"

"No idea…" Selina groaned as she blinked the salt out of her eyes.

Harley looked up and saw a pair of figures standing over her. Two well dressed men in suits wearing masks. One mask resembling a fox and the other resembling a vulture. Out from the water and climbing onto the boat came a third, much more muscular man in scuba gear wearing a mask that resembled a shark.

"Hello, allow us to introduce ourselves." The fox-masked man said. "I am Fox. These are my associates Shark and Vulture."

"We are the Terrible Trio." Vulture added.

"Uh huh... Right…" Harley nodded, slightly confused. "Why am I here?"

"Our employers want to talk to you. He's on that big boat, out there." Shark pointed out to a yacht out in the distance.

"Jeez… Not again." Harley sighed. "Why does everyone wanna kidnap us just to chat?"

***

Back on solid land, Ivy and Magpie had returned to their spot on the beach now with an extra pound of taffy in their possession. Selina and Harley weren't on the beach blankets but the other two didn't worry. They just sat down and decided to chat while they assumed their girlfriends were out swimming. While they sat there, the two of them helped themselves to some taffy to snack on.

"Think we should go swimming with them?" Magpie remarked while chewing the taffy.

"Sure, seems like fun." Ivy nodded. "Say, where are they anyway?" She looked around. "I can't see them from here."

"Probably swam further out or something." Magpie said. "Although… Now that you said it I am a bit worried. My mom never wanted me swimming by myself when I was a kid. Always had to be within her sight."

"Let's talk about your childhood later, okay Magpie?" Ivy replied. "I'm gonna go check on the girls. We should make sure they haven't gotten into any trouble."

"I'm sure they're fine… But it couldn't hurt to check." Magpie stood up. "Let's get to it then."

Magpie and Ivy left the taffy back with their other things and walked along the beach, closer to the water to check. Selina and Harley's presence was not immediately obvious. The two of them looked around to try and figure out where the girls were.

"Okay… I feel like they can't have gone too far." Magpie said. "Where the hell are they?"

Ivy looked around some more. "Now I'm starting to get worried… They should be nearby."

"They could have gotten distracted." Magpie said. "But I'm worried too…"

The two of them looked out at the horizon and tried to see if Selina or Harley were anywhere at sea. As they stared out at sea, Ivy noticed something that caught her attention. Out in the distance, a yacht that looked familiar in an uncomfortable way. "Where have I seen that boat before…"

"You're right…" Magpie nodded. "I've seen it too."

"Do we have a pair of binoculars or something?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah I packed some. I'll go grab them." Magpie quickly turned around and hurried back to their stuff on the beach.

Ivy stayed standing still for several moments before Magpie came hurrying back with a pair of binoculars in hand. "Ah, thank you." She picked up the binoculars and looked through them. After staring at the yacht in the distance for a few moments, Ivy's mouth dropped slightly. "I fucking knew it!"

"What? What is it?" Magpie looked over Ivy's shoulder to try and see what was going on.

"I know who that boat belongs to." Ivy said. "It belongs to Great White Shark."

"What?!" Magpie exclaimed. "How do you know?"

"I've seen it before. You were there too, remember?"

"Oh yeah, before we went on the run Harley broke onto his boat for some reason."

"It was an ill-conceived idea… Now he wants us to join up with him… And now his boat is here. It has to be connected, right?"

"Well, it's not much to go off of… But let's check it out." Magpie nodded.

"Alright, good. Let's go." Ivy put down the binoculars.

"Um, how are we supposed to get out there?" Magpie asked.

"I saw a boat rental stand. We'll get something from there." Ivy said.

***

Out on the water, Harley and Selina were awkwardly sitting around on the speedboat while the three men in animal masks drove them.

"This is really fuckin' weird…" Harley whispered to Selina.

"Yeah, I know. I have no idea why these guys dress like this." Selina said. "I've ran into them before. They're weird."

"No need to worry." Vulture spoke up. "We're not going to hurt you."

"We do apologize if we've changed your plans for the day." Fox said. "But our employers are very specific."

"Who do you work for exactly?" Harley asked.

"Oh, you'll figure it out." Shark chuckled.

"Thanks for bein' a cryptic weirdo." Harley sighed.

Selina and Harley remained silent as the speedboat drew closer and closer to the yacht. As they got closer, Harley felt something familiar about it. "Hey Selina, did we break onto that boat? Or steal it?"

"I know what you mean…" Selina nodded. "It seems familiar."

The speedboat stopped along the edge of the boat where a lifeboat had been lowered. Vulture and Fox ushered Harley and Selina onto the lifeboat. Before they had a chance to ask another question, the boat was raised up onto the yacht properly.

Once at level with the top deck, they were confronted by another trio of people. This one consisted of people that the girls actually recognized. It was Black Mask, the Great White Shark and The Joker.

Harley just stared in surprise at them, especially Joker, for several moments. The Joker was someone who Harley was sincerely hoping to never see again. The two of them had a falling out, to say the least and had not left each other on the best of terms. So seeing him again was a bit of a shock to her.

"Hey there kiddo! It's been a while." Joker spoke up.

"Let me do the talking." Black Mask leaned in to whisper to Joker.

"Oh, fine." Joker said.

"Ms. Quinzel, Ms. Kyle." Black Mask nodded at the girls. "So sorry to abduct you like this. We're here to talk."

"There must've been an easier way…" Harley sighed. "What do you people want?"

"It's like I told you, Harley. We want you to join our side of the war." Great White Shark said. "Once you help us wipe out the competition, we'll be out of your hair."

"Yeah, I already said no to your offer. We do our own thing." Harley shook her head.

"Well, that's too bad isn't it." Black Mask chuckled. "Look, we already got some of your other associates here. Why don't you just come with us, okay?"

"Oh yeah? Or what?" Selina asked.

Joker produced a gun from his pocket and aimed it at them. "Oh, you know. This thing might go off if you don't agree. And who knows where it will be pointed! You know how I am with guns. Slippery fingers!"

"Alright, alright…" Harley nodded. "We get the message." She sighed.

"Good." Great White Shark nodded. "You've made the right choice."

"Assholes…" Selina whispered under her breath.

Harley and Selina both crawled out of the lifeboat they were in and followed the three gangsters around on the boat. Of course both girls were already making mental calculations about how to escape. But for now it seemed they'd both play along with this and try to find a way out when the time was right.

***

Out on the water, Magpie and Ivy were still on their search for their girlfriend. The two of them had rented out a boat for the day from a guy who looked like he wouldn't ask too many questions about what they wanted the boat for. Ivy was piloting the boat while Magpie played the role of navigator and lookout.

"So, see anything Magpie?" Ivy asked.

"Just the yacht. Doesn't seem like there's guards or anything" Magpie said.

"Well, good. That makes our job easier." Ivy nodded. "But still, keep your eyes out for anything that looks like trouble."

"Will do." Magpie nodded.

The boat continued to glide across the water towards the yacht in the distance. Both women remained silent as they approached, neither of them being in much of a conversational mood.

After several minutes, their speedboat came to a stop in front of the yacht right by the anchor. Ivy looked back at Magpie and nodded at her. "C'mon, let's get on there and investigate."

"I've got a bad feeling… This weird sinking thing in my gut." Magpie said. "It's like when I was in middle school and forgot my lines in the middle of that play… We were doing Midsummer Night's Dream I think."

"Margaret, we can talk about your sad, sad childhood later." Ivy said. "C'mon, let's get up there." With that she began climbing up the anchor chain carefully but still quickly.

Magpie took a deep breath and tried to stay calm as she began to climb up the anchor right beneath Ivy.

Ivy took note of Magpie's nerves and looked down at her. "Hey, Magpie, it'll be alright okay? We've got this."

"Right, right… Thanks." Magpie nodded. "I've got this…"

Ivy nodded at Magpie and continued climbing. The two of them got to the top of the chain and were able to pull themselves onto the yacht properly.

"Okay, we're here." Ivy said. She looked around and saw the deck of the yacht was completely empty. "Odd… I thought someone would be here. At least some guards."

"There's gotta be someone around here." Magpie looked around as well. "I feel like this is some kind of a trap…"

"Don't worry, Margaret. We've got this." Ivy whispered. "C'mon, let's go look around. There has to be somebody around here…"

"Right, we just gotta keep looking." Magpie said.

***

Below deck, the residents of the yacht had no idea it had two new intruders. Harley and Selina were still dripping wet with ocean water as they were escorted below deck by Black Mask, Joker and Great White Shark.

"This is such bullshit…" Harley whispered under her breath.

"I know…" Selina nodded. "Just go along with it until we can get out of here."

Harley nodded and walked along until they entered a meeting room. In the room were a few hired goons standing in the corners. At the centre of the room was a table and at the table it seemed that Black Mask had succeeded in abducting several other associates of Harley's. Riddler, Mr. Freeze and Professor Pyg were all at the table, looking wary of the gunmen in the corners of the room.

Slightly undercutting the tenseness of the situation was a CD player in the corner that was playing appropriate beachy music. At least appropriate if this was a normal yacht. In this situation, hearing Kokomo play faintly in the background did little to help people relax.

"Gentlemen, we're all here now." Black Mask said. "Let's talk shop, shall we?"

Mr. Freeze and Riddler both glared at Black Mask while Professor Pyg looked around, being confused. Great White Shark attempted to start off the conversation. "So everyone, we're all here now."

"Yes, I can see that." Mr. Freeze flatly replied.

"Do you mind explaining what the hell is going on?" Riddler asked.

"So aggressive, why is everyone like this today?" Joker chuckled.

"Well, we did kidnap them." Black Mask said.

Harley sat down at the table. It was uncomfortable with her whole body being cold and wet from the ocean. But despite that she tried to remain calm. "So, uh, what do you want from us?"

"Right, right, I'll go over the details." Black Mask nodded. "Is everyone comfortable? Anyone want snacks?"

"Yes, snacks!" Professor Pyg spoke up. "Pyg would like a hotdog. Do you have hotdogs?'

"I've got some like, Italian sausages and stuff in the kitchen." Great White Shark said.

"No, no thank you. Pyg wants a hotdog." Professor Pyg said.

"Can you shut up about the hot dog?" Black Mask said. "Look, you are all powerful people. You're either smart, resourceful or have resources that we could use. And guess what, we all want the same thing, right?"

"You're being vague again." Selina said. "What is it that we supposedly want?"

"Isn't it obvious? You all hate the same people we hate." Joker said.

Black Mask cleared his throat to try and regain control of the conversation. "Our business rivals, is what he means. You don't like them, we don't like them. It evens out, right?"

"Yeah, but we also hate you." Harley said.

"I would have to agree with Ms. Quinzel." Riddler nodded. "You've given us little reason to like you."

"I know, I know, we're all assholes." Black Mask nodded. "But look, we're offering you a big chance. We'll all get what we want."

"So you want us to join you in taking down your competition?" Mr. Freeze nodded. "How do you know you can trust us?"

"Truthfully, we don't know." Great White Shark admitted. "But it's a risk we're all willing to take."

"So everyone, you in?" Black Mask asked.

The people at the table all looked at each other, silently contemplating among themselves. Except for Pyg, he was distracted by a lava lamp in the corner.

"Alright, I know my answer." Harley said.

"Yes? And what is it?" Black Mask asked.

"Hmm, this should be good." Joker chuckled to himself.

Harley opened her mouth to talk but was abruptly interrupted before a single syllable left her mouth. The door to the meeting room burst open and in came Ivy and Magpie.

"Alright nobody move!" Ivy yelled. "Where's Harley?"

"Oh! Hey ya, Red!" Harley waved to Ivy.

"Harley… Riddler… Pyg?" Ivy looked around the room in confusion. "Joker?!"

"What's going on here?" Magpie asked.

"We're negotiating." Black Mask said. "You're welcome to join us."

Ivy looked at Harley then over at Black Mask. "Is everything okay? You look less… Distressed than I thought you'd be."

"Yeah, we've kinda just been talking." Harley shrugged. "I mean, they kidnapped us which was kind of a dick move but other than that they've been polite. Except for Mr. J, he can go fuck himself."

"The feeling's mutual, Harley!" Joker laughed.

"I'm confused, what's going on?" Magpie asked.

"I think what Harley means is, we think it would be in our best interests to work together with Black Mask." Selina explained.

"That's right, it would!" Great White Shark cheered. "This relationship benefits us both."

"Essentially, he wants us to help get rid of his competition." Riddler spoke up. "Which, despite my feelings towards them, would benefit us."

Magpie and Ivy looked at each other for several moments, silently trying to communicate. Eventually, Ivy spoke up. "Alright, if Harley thinks this is a good idea… I'm in."

***

A few hours later, Black Mask, his gang and the people who had agreed to his terms had finished discussing things. Once that was done, he agreed to take everyone back to the mainland. Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie had departed the yacht and had found their way back to their beach blankets.

"Oh by the way, we got you all some caramel taffy." Ivy said. "Hope you all enjoy."

"Ooh yay!" Harley cheered and sat down on the beach blanket, going in and unwrapping a few pieces of taffy for herself. "Thanks Red!"

"It was Magpie's idea too." Ivy said.

"Well, thanks Maggie!" Harley smiled as she chewed on some taffy.

The girls sat down on the beach, sharing the candy they bought. After finishing a piece of taffy Ivy spoke again. "I still can't believe we're doing this. Can we really trust them?"

"Let's not think about it for now." Selina said. "Whatever Black Mask and his cronies have planned, we'll get to it when the time comes. For now, let's live in the moment."

"Yeah, I don't wanna think about that right now." Harley nodded. "I especially don't wanna think about the Joker."

"Amen to that." Magpie nodded. "That guy gives me the creeps."

"You know what, that's a good idea." Ivy nodded as she lay down on the beach blanket. "Let's get some rest and worry about our problems later… I'm gonna lie down for a little while."

Seeing this, Harley got closer to Ivy and cuddled up with her again. "Good idea, Red… Let's just relax… We've still got plenty of time left to have fun today."

Chapter Text

It was past midnight in Gotham City and, as usual, some very shady dealings were going on. Tonight a meeting between three of Gotham's most powerful crime factions was going to take place. Black Mask's mob, the Riley Crime Family (Also known as the Ventriloquist's mob) and the triple-threat of Two-Face, Penguin and Maxie Zeus.

And caught in the middle of it all, was Harley Quinn. She just wanted to have fun and maybe rob a few banks along the way. But now, she'd been talked into helping out Black Mask's side of the war. It wasn't what she'd wanted to do but for the time being it was the best option.

It wasn't just Harley involved either. Ivy, Magpie and Selina had been dragged into it as well. Not to mention their associates like Riddler, Mr. Freeze and even people like Killer Moth and Kite-Man. This even extended to their tangential associate Professor Pyg and his Circus of the Strange.

At the moment, Harley and the girls were in the back of Riddler's van being driven to the location they'd all been told to meet at. The three separate factions had a bit of an argument when it came to deciding where to meet at.

The Iceberg Lounge and Sionis Industries HQ were both vetoed as all parties were paranoid about the other one having a home turf advantage. So they all agreed to find somewhere with neutral ground to meet up at. In the end, they decided to rent out the ballroom of a downtown hotel owned by billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne.

They figured that, not only it was a neutral area, but if things got ugly, they'd be trashing someone else's property. Even if it was the property of someone who could cover the damages. So here Harley found herself, in the back of a van parked in a parking garage across the street from the hotel she was meant to meet people at.

At the moment she was staring out into space and thinking about nothing in particular. Ivy had an arm around Harley and the two of them were cuddling a little. However, they had little time for intimacy when a knock came from the back of the door.

"Ladies, we're ready to head out!" Riddler's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Ooh, comin'!" Harley cheered. She gave Ivy a quick kiss on the cheek and stood up. She exited the van and got out into the parking lot. Ivy, Selina and Magpie got out right behind her and saw Mr. Freeze and Riddler waiting for them.

"Good, hope you're ready for this." Mr. Freeze said.

"Eh, I'm about fifty-fity on the whole thing." Harley shrugged. "Hey, where's the rest of the gang?"

"They took another car. I put Hatter in charge of that half of the team." Riddler explained. "Oh and Pyg said his circus guys would be over on their own time."

"We decided not to question them." Mr. Freeze. "It seemed… Ill-advised."

"Well hopefully those weirdos show up." Selina remarked.

"Or hopefully not." Ivy said. "I get a bad vibe from them."

"Whatever happens tonight I just hope I can get out of it with my dignity. And preferably not end up back in Arkham." Magpie sighed.

Harley giggled a bit and gave Magpie a hug. "We'll do the best we can, don'cha worry!"

"Um, thanks." Magpie nodded and pat Harley on the head.

Riddler cleared his throat to get the group's attention back on him. "Now then, let's meet up with our associates. Remember, for tonight we follow Black Mask's orders."

"I still don't trust that guy." Ivy sighed.

"I don't either." Riddler shook his head. "But once we do his dirty work, he should leave us alone. Which is good enough for me."

"Well, let's get on with it then." Selina said.

Mr. Freeze looked over to Riddler and nodded. "Edward, I need you to help me unload some equipment." He then looked to Harley and the girls. "We'll catch up with you in a moment. Meet Black Mask in the hotel, we'll be there."

"Alrighty! See ya there!" Harley cheered as she hummed to herself as she skipped across the parking garage and over to some elevators.

The other girls walked along with Harley, keeping good pace with her. All the girls were decked out in their costumes. Black Mask had told everyone to dress professionally so they all did just that.

Harley had cleaned her red and black jester suit and was wearing it. Even after all these years it still fit her great, giving her a wide range of motion. Important to someone as acrobatic as her. Despite a bath of acid giving her an unnaturally pale face that many found striking, she still applied some makeup. Most notably some eye shadow and some bright red lipstick. And of course she had her oversized mallet with her.

Ivy was in her typical green leotard with bright green leaves attached to it and a crown of leaves around her head. Most of the time, Ivy liked being barefoot. But when traversing the streets of Gotham she was wary about stepping on any pieces of broken glass or needles. So she wore some fashionable but practical green boots.

Selina was in her usual leather suit and leather cap with cat ears. She had a pair of goggles to help her see better in the dark that were currently just on her head. Her outfit had many pockets for storing potentially useful tools or anything small she wanted to steal. And of course on her belt was her signature whip.

Finally Magpie was dressed in her outfit, made equal parts with black leather and white craft feathers. She had a white wig over her head and red lensed sunglasses over her eyes. Her hands were covered in black leather gloves where each of the fingertips came to a sharp talon-like point.

"God I feel like such a fuckin' badass!" Harley cheered as she entered the elevator with the girls.

"I was thinking just the same thing." Magpie nodded with a big smile on her face as she pressed the button for the ground floor.

"Ladies, let's try to keep calm. Calm, cool and collected, okay?" Catwoman said. "Black Mask and his merry band of idiots probably want us to do some shady shit here."

"I can do shady, I do shady shit all the time." Harley nodded.

"Shady, but you also need to stay focused." Ivy added. "Black Mask and his friends want us to go up against a lot of powerful people. We need to be careful."

"Right… Careful, focused, shady. I can do that." Harley nodded.

The elevator came to a stop at the ground floor of the parking garage and the girls all exited together. They crossed the street and entered the hotel's lobby with Harley quickly taking charge, making her way to the front desk where a young, overworked woman sat.

"Hey there Jeeves! We're here to see a friend of ours." Harley said. "Roman Sionis."

"We're here to attend his costume party." Poison Ivy added. "He wanted us to meet him in his room."

"Uh huh…" The receptionist stared at them. She looked either too underpaid or too tired to care. Possibly both. Either way, she decided not to ask any questions. "Mr. Sionis is in room 716."

"Thank you kindly!" Harley blew a playful kiss to the receptionist before hurrying to the building's elevator to get up to Roman's room.

The group of women made it up to the seventh floor and eventually found Roman's suite. Selina knocked at the door to Black Mask's room and the door was answered moments later by the Joker, dressed in a purple trench coat and wide brimmed purple hat. He had a pistol in his hands that he pretended to shoot at the girls. "Bang! I got'cha!"

"Hello Joker." Ivy rolled her eyes.

"Guess I need to work on that bit." Joker chuckled. "The commissioner's girl didn't think it was funny when I tried it on her. Of course the gun was loaded that time…"

"Can we just come in?" Magpie asked.

"Of course, of course! Right this way." Joker nodded and opened the door, turning around and letting the girls in. Harley entered first and the others soon followed, entering Roman's suite properly where they hoped to get a better view on the situation.

Once they entered the main area of the room they saw Roman sitting on a couch and sipping on a shot of whisky. Sitting in a chair across from him and also drinking was Great White Shark. The two men were dressed in custom tailored white suits.

Awkwardly situated sitting in the room were also Mad Hatter, Killer Moth, Black Spider, Anarky and Kite-Man. Mad Hatter had his own cup of tea and Kite-Man too had some whisky but Killer Moth and Anarky had no drinks.

"Well, looks like the party started already!" Harley cheered.

"Hello Harley." Mad Hatter nodded at her. "Please try to stay calm."

"Ah c'mon, you're all drinkin', we're havin' a good time." Harley giggled a bit.

"Harley, stay calm okay?" Ivy reached out and gently held Harley's shoulder.

"Right, right…" Harley whispered to herself.

Black Mask drained the last of his whisky and stood up. "Girls, glad you could make it. I got some texts from Professor Pyg earlier. He said he'd be late and then sent me a twenty five message long rant about disco music. Anyway, I feel comfortable starting without him."

"That's great. What are we starting again?" Magpie asked.

"Two words: Hostile takeover!" Great White Shark declared. "We're gonna go in, have a nice normal meeting, get our enemies feeling nice and comfortable. And when they least expect it, blam! We hit 'em hard!"

"Are you planning to kill them? Because I sort of got a problem with killing…" Selina said. "I'll do it in self defense but murder… It's not exactly my thing."

"Murder, scare them off, whatever happens I just want to get rid of them, okay?" Black Mask said.

"We've told your associates, Mr. Nygma and Dr. Fries, to set up a trap in the ballroom. They'll meet us down there later." Great White Shark said.

Black Mask scanned his eyes around the room a moment before continuing. "Now then, obviously we can't have all of you down in the ballroom with us. You'll intimidate the others."

"I kinda doubt that Killer Moth here will scare anyone." Selina chuckled. "Black Spider and Anarky, maybe. But definitely not the mothman here."

"Oh, shut up…" Killer Moth crossed his arms.

"Anyway, my point is we'll only be able to bring a few of you down in person." Black Mask went on. "The rest of you will have to wait outside or in the shadows and wait for the signal for our ambush."

"So who do you want to come with you then?" Anarky asked.

"We'll have to bring down one or two people who seem… Inconspicuous." Black Mask explained. "Harley, would you like to join us?"

"Ooh, yes please!" Harley nodded. "Glad ya think I'm all inconspicuous-like."

"There, uh, is one condition you won't be happy about." Great White Shark spoke up. "We figured that the easiest way for you to blend in was to pretend to be Joker's girlfriend again."

"Fuck…" Harley whispered under her breath. "Alright, fine, whatever. I'll pretend to like him again."

"Aww, now isn't that sweet?" Joker smirked at Harley.

Ivy took a step closer to Joker and poked him in the chest. "You had better not hurt her…"

"Oh relax, it'll all be fine." Joker said.

"It had better be." Harley sighed.

"So, anyone else wanna come with us?" Black Mask asked.

"Can I come with you?" Magpie spoke up. "I like being helpful. I'm okay with pretending to be your girlfriend." She paused and looked over to Selina. "Um, if that's alright with you."

"Oh it's fine." Selina nodded. "We all need a little change every once in a while." She reached out and gave Magpie's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Thanks…" Magpie nodded before looking back to Black Mask. "So yeah, I'm in."

"Good. You can be my girlfriend and Harley can be Joker's." Black Mask chuckled. "Sorry Warren, you're alone tonight."

"Oh, they're not your real girlfriends anyway." Great White Shark shook his head. "Now then, the rest of you will be hiding until you get the signal."

"Uh huh… What, um, what is the signal exactly?" Kite-Man asked.

"You'll know it when you see it, Fly-Boy!" Joker cackled.

"You don't have a signal planned out, do you?" Selina asked.

"Um, no." Great White Shark admitted. "But trust me, we'll make it obvious when we wanna intervene."

"Now then…" Black Mask looked around the room. "Let's get down there now, shall we?"

About five minutes later, Harley was back down in the lobby. Of course now the group with her was very different. Instead of Selina and Ivy she had Black Mask, Great White Shark and the Joker accompanying her. Magpie being there with her did give her some comfort however.

She stuck close to Magpie and held onto her hand while the three men took the lead as they walked towards the ballroom.

"I'm still worried…" Magpie whispered to Harley. "What if something goes wrong?"

"Oh, there's a high chance of that." Harley admitted with a nod. "But whatever happens, we just gotta improvise if it goes to shit. Don't worry, we can handle this." She reached a hand out in an attempt to fistbump Magpie.

Magpie saw this and nodded, returning the fistbump. "Thanks."

The two of them continued onwards into the ballroom itself. The centrepiece of the room was a large rectangular table that Harley soon found herself sitting at. Much to her own discomfort, she was in the seat right beside the Joker. Fortunately, to her right Magpie had sat down. So that gave her a little bit of comfort as Black Mask and Great White Shark took their seats as well.

Around the table it seemed that the others had arrived; the heads of the rivalling crime groups were all here. On one end of the table were the representatives of the Ventriloquist's mob. The bandaged, trenchcoat wearing Tommy Elliott, alias Hush, the one-eyed, blonde beauty Peyton Riley and of course the wooden crimelord himself Mr. Scarface.

Sitting at another part were the short, rotund Oswald Cobblepot, the taller, leaner Harvey Dent and the averagely heighted but far more muscular Maximillian Zeus. The three of them made up the other faction Black Mask was at odds with.

"Gentlemen… Glad you could finally make it." Penguin nodded at them. "We've been waiting."

"Sorry about that, just had to pick up some, uh, friends before we joined." Black Mask gave Magpie a pat on the head, causing the woman to flinch slightly.

"That's right…" Magpie did her best to play the part and lean in closer to Black Mask.

"Heh, nothin' wrong with bringing along a hot piece of ass." The Scarface puppet said, glancing up at Peyton. "Ain't that right, Sugar?"

"We're allowed to bring revellers, why was I not told?" Zeus asked.

"Maxie, no. No revellers." Two-Face shook his head at Zeus. "Besides, you're Zeus, not Dionysus. Get your damn Gods right, ya lunatic…"

Joker chuckled. "Man! And people called me insane! I just love it when I find people crazier than me." He gave Harley a slap on the back.

"Owie! Watch it Mistah J…" Harley played up her own New York accent as she spoke to try and help sell the act.

"Ah, sorry kiddo!" Joker reached out and pinched Harley's cheeks, he too playing into the old boyfriend-girlfriend act.

Magpie found herself slowly sinking down into her chair like she were made of hot jello. Harley and Joker were laying on the act so thick it was painful.

"Wait… When did you two get back together?" Hush glanced at Joker and Harley, a little confused.

"Yes, last I heard you hated each other." Penguin added.

"Ohh… I just can't say no to my puddin'..." Harley gagged on the inside as she forced herself to say those words.

"How surprising." Zeus said. "From what I heard, it seemed you had chosen the way of Sappho."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Harley asked.

"He's calling you a lesbian." Two-Face said. "I've spent enough time around this weirdo to translate."

"Oh, well, yeah I do like girls I guess." Harley admitted. "Most girls I've met are a lot nicer to me than the guys I know. Of course that's probably because I surround myself with violent supervillains. Oh and girls are super hot too!" She giggled a little. "I'm sure you fellas can appreciate a lady with a nice pair of tits, right?"

"But she still can't resist her old Uncle J!" Joker gave her a pat on the back.

"Please don't call yourself my uncle…" Harley whispered under her breath. "I actually like my real uncle."

"Anywho we're back together!" Joker said, ignoring Harley completely.

"Erm, good for you." Peyton nodded. "Now, are we going to keep discussing our relationships or are we gonna get down to business?"

"Ah, yes, business. Let's do that." Great White Shark nodded.

"The fact of the matter is, we're all here to discuss a truce." Black Mask said. "We're extending a proverbial olive branch out to you. The fact of the matter is, we're tired of all this senseless fighting."

"Really now?" Hush smirked beneath his bandages. "Well, this is a pleasant surprise."

"Indeed…" Penguin nodded. "I do suppose we've all been going on like this for too long."

"Yeah, I'm gettin' tired of fightin' with all you fellas." Scarface spoke up.

"Glad we're all on the same page." Joker nodded.

"So… I suppose we should come up with some sort of a way to divide up our territory." Black Mask said.

"That would make sense." Two-Face said. "I've never done this truce thing before so I'm not entirely sure how it works."

"Oh, I've been in the family business for years. I know just how it works." Peyton said. "You concede some of your territory, we give up some of ours and about a year later we go back to fighting again."

"Heh, for a dame she's pretty smart talkin'." Scarface remarked.

"Hey, Peyton is intelligent. You shouldn't insult her like that." Hush looked at the puppet.

"Ah, shaddap bandage-face!" Scarface snapped. "I've seen the way you look at my girl. You'd better back off."

"You're not even a real person! You're just some sort of a- Some sort of manifestation of her violent desires." Hush pointed at Scarface.

Two-Face took control of the conversation by slamming his hand down on the table. "Can we stop arguing and get down to business?" There was a long silence as he looked around the room.

"Thank you for that Mr. Dent." Black Mask nodded. "Now, I was going to say-" He was suddenly cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. "Dammit…" He reached into his pocket and looked at his smartphone. After staring at it for a moment he leaned over to Harley and whispered. "Psst, take this call for me. It's Pyg."

"What's he want?" Harley whispered back.

"No idea. But I can't answer this at the table. You go off somewhere and answer for me." Black Mask passed the phone over to Harley. "Just go take care of it and see what he wants, okay?"

"Alrighty." Harley stood up and hummed to herself as she went over to the corner while everyone else was discussing things. Once she was out of earshot, she answered the phone and whispered into it. "Um, hello?"

"Mask-Man! It is I! The professor!" Professor Pyg's voice came in from the other end of the line. From what Harley could tell, it sounded like he was making the call from inside a moving vehicle.

"Uh, Black Mask is busy right now." Harley said. "It's Harley here. I'm takin' the call for him. So, what'cha want?"

"Oh, yes, yes, yes! Mr. Toad told me to give you an update." Pyg said.

"That's great news." Harley nodded. "We were startin' to wonder where ya were. What's your status?"

"On the way right now! Just had to stop for dinner and some gasoline." Pyg paused on the other line for just a moment. "The gasoline wasn't just for the car."

"Y'know what, I don't wanna know." Harley shook her head. "Look, when are you gonna be here?"

"Oh… Let me check…" Pyg's voice became muffled for a moment as he seemed to be asking another person in the car with him. Moments later, Pyg was back at normal volume. "Humpty-Man says we'll be there in about thirty seconds."

"Seconds? You mean minutes, right?" Harley asked.

"No, no, seconds!"

Before Harley had a chance to ask any more questions Professor Pyg hung up on the other end. "Thirty seconds…" She whispered to herself again. Her brain felt like a malfunctioning calculator at that moment, trying to figure out what the hell Professor Pyg was up to. After a few moments, something clicked inside Harley's head.

She rushed back to the table and leaned in to Black Mask. "Psst, I got some news."

"Good or bad?" Black Mask whispered back.

"Uhh…" Harley waited for a moment. "Pyg says he'll be here soon."

"Good. How soon."

"Told me it'd be thirty seconds."

"Did you mean minutes?"

"I asked him the same thing. He said seconds."

"When did he tell you this?"

"About thirty seconds ago."

"So he should be in the parking garage right n-" Black Mask cut himself off. "Wait a minute… Is someone outside playing disco music? What the h-"

Before Black Mask had a chance to finish this thought, Professor Pyg arrived on the scene. A pickup truck had rammed through the back wall right behind Penguin, kicking up large amounts of wood and plaster.

There was little time to process what was happening when Professor Pyg got out of the truck. Humpty Dumpty was beside him carrying a shotgun. Hopping out from the back of the truck was Phosphorus Rex, currently on fire, and Mr. Toad.

"The reckoning has arrived!" Professor Pyg proclaimed while wildly swinging around a butcher's knife.

"What in Hades is all this!" Zeus exclaimed.

All around the table people began reflexively reaching for their weapons. Two-Face looked around as he pulled out a pair of guns. "Someone had better start explaining what's going on!"

"We are here for blood!" Professor Pyg yelled. "Blood and love!"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Scarface swivelled his wooden head around.

"He mean we're here to attack you. Or something." Phosphorus Rex attempted to explain.

By this point, Black Mask had sunken down into his chair slightly. He sighed a little. "Oh… Fuck it." Standing up, Black Mask took out a gun from his jacket and fired it in the air. "Alright bitches, this is a hostile takeover! We're doing this cowboy style!"

"Wait, what?" Scarface's head swivelled back around again.

"Shut up, dummy!" Black Mask fired his gun, the bullet hitting Scarface right in his head.

"My hand!" Peyton exclaimed, blood seeping into Scarface through his clothing from Peyton's hand inside.

Things were very quickly descending into chaos. Black Mask was launching his attack, Pyg and his circus just seemed to be out to cause destruction and only now had the rest of Harley's team gotten the signal that shit was going down.

Despite things very quickly turning into a complete disaster, Harley couldn't have been happier. She was ready to embrace chaos with open arms and just find out what would happen next.

Chapter Text

Harley Quinn was very used to the plans she was involved with going horribly awry. Her planning skills were not enviable. She almost welcomed improvisation and chaos, believing that she knew how to make the best of the bad situation.

Currently, quite a few things had gone very wrong. Recently she had been put into an uneasy alliance with Black Mask and the rest of his gang, which included her ex-boyfriend the Joker. Her current goal was to take down Black Mask's competition by any means necessary. She'd joined Mask and his associates with a meeting but it had barely gotten underway when it all plunged into disarray.

It all started with Professor Pyg, someone who Harley had somewhat associated with in the past, drove his car through the wall when he had been given no indication that was what he was supposed to do. Of course in hindsight, Black Mask would realize that trusting an unstable man in a pig mask was probably a bad idea.

But at the time all that he knew he had to do was eliminate the competition by any means necessary. He'd already managed to shoot the Ventriloquist in her hand.

All the commotion in the ballroom had signalled to the others involved in this convoluted plan that something was going down. Soon other members of Harley's group were barging in. Ivy attempted to use plants from around the room in an attack, Kite-Man used some kite themed gadgets he had to confuse and attack people, Black Mask just shot wildly hoping he'd hit a target, Anarky tried using his stun-baton to his advantage and Killer Moth did a good job at entrapping people with his cocoon gun. The only one not contributing directly was Mad Hatter. He was never much of a fighter. Instead he seemed to be using a remote controlled caterpillar to attack for him.

Magpie and Harley were already in the room when things were going down. The two of them were attempting to pull their own weight in the fight with Magpie slashing at Two Face with her clawed gloves and Harley attacking Maxie Zeus with her oversized hammer.

Harley was only partially aware of what was going on around her. All she knew for sure that a lot of things were happening at the same time and a lot of people were getting hurt. But for now, Harley was okay with that. Now was one of the moments in Harley's life where she let her primal instincts and adrenaline take over.

And that primitive part of her brain told her that hitting people with a comically oversized wooden hammer is fun and she should keep doing it. So she did.

She managed to knock Zeus down pretty hard and her eyes scanned around the room for someone else to hit. Soon she spotted Peyton Riley on the floor, slowly trying to crawl away.

"Hey there little missy!" Harley cheered as she skipped across the ballroom over to her. "Where do ya think you're goin'?" She brought her hammer down hitting her in the back and knocking her down.

"Fuck you…" Peyton choked out as she clutched her bleeding right hand. She held the Scarface puppet under her arm. There was a large bullethole in Scarface's head.

"Aww, what's the matter?" Harley giggled a bit while pressing the hammer down on her back to keep Peyton from moving.

"You already won, you fucking bitch…" Peyton stared up at Harley with venom in her voice. Without Scarface all her negativity and anger no longer had an outlet for it to be channelled through. "That bastard killed Mr. Scarface… Just let me go…"

"Alright fine…" Harley sighed and took the hammer away. "C'mon, get outta here. Just don't fuck with us again."

Peyton didn't say anything, she just kept crawling out of the room as quickly as she could while muttering incoherently under her breath.

With the threat of the Ventriloquist neutralized, Harley looked around the room for someone else she could hit.

However, before Harley had a chance to inflict any more pain the doors to the ballroom swung open. For a split second Harley thought Batman had come to investigate all the commotion.

But instead it was someone who Harley was much more relieved to see. Riddler and Mr. Freeze burst through the doors wheeling in some sort of mounted gun on wheels.

"Attention everybody!" Riddler announced. "I suggest you all surrender now if you know what's good for you." He glanced at Mr. Freeze. "Victor, will you do the honours?"

"Of course." Mr. Freeze gave a slight nod. He reached out and pressed a button on the gun. The gun began scanning around the room until the barrel found its target and fired, hitting the Penguin with a blue beam.

The beam coated Penguin in a thin layer of frost and ice. The gun continued scanning around the room until it locked onto Hush, shooting off and immobilizing him in the same way. The gun kept locking onto targets and shooting them, freezing them partially. They were still able to move but it pained them and kept them from moving too fast.

Within just a few minutes the gun had made short work of all their opponents. Mr. Freeze pressed a button again, de-powering the machine.

"Thank you Victor, that was most helpful." Riddler nodded.

"No problem." Mr. Freeze nodded stoically.

"Great work guys!" Ivy called over to them. "Why didn't you come in sooner?"

"Our timing is only off because you people came in before you were supposed to." Riddler claimed. "It also looks like you drove a car through the wall."

"That wasn't our fault, I have no idea what that was about." Killer Moth spoke up.

"That was me!" Professor Pyg announced. "Pyg drove in! Vroom vroom!"

"Very sorry about that." Mr. Toad added.

"No matter, we still won." Black Mask said, brandishing his pistol. "Now everyone knows not to fuck with Black Mask…" He walked over to Two-Face, who was currently lying on the ground and trying to escape. "I try not to kill when necessary. Makes people think I'm crazy. But here… I need to send a message. And since the Ventriloquist fucked off with her little doll, you'll have to do." She aimed his pistol at the back of Two-Face's head. But before he could pull the trigger, a different gun went off.

Black Mask abruptly collapsed, dropping his pistol and grabbing his right leg in pain. "Who just fucking shot me!"

"Oopsie! I was aiming for the head!" Joker cackled, his smoking gun pointed at Black Mask.

"Joker!? The hell is wrong with you!?" Black Mask winced while clutching his bleeding leg.

"Don't you see it, Masky!" Joker stepped closer to them. "We can't kill these people."

"What the hell are you on about…" Black Mask looked up at him. "Of course we can! When have you been against murder?"

"No, no, no…" Joker shook his head. "You don't get it. If we kill them the game is over."

"What game? What fucking game!?"

"All this! These funny costumes, these wacky schemes… If you kill our enemies then we won't have fun anymore."

"You psychotic asshole! Someone kill Joker for me!"

Harley was in the midst of processing what was going on exactly. This wasn't the first time she'd seen the Joker display this type of erratic behaviour. He had very specific ideas regarding how things should be. He treated the world like it was some type of TV show he tuned into every week or a game he was a participant in. There were many times Harley could recall where Joker put aside the safety of other just to have fun.

She hadn't actually heard any of Black Mask's orders. Instead, Harley was letting all her anger towards Joker that had built up over years of knowing him boil to the surface and overflow in an explosion of rage.

Guided by instinct and adrenaline, Harley charged at Joker and smacked him in the side of his head with her large mallet. This knocked him down hard, causing him to tumble to the ground and land on his side.

"Ahahaha! Man! I haven't been hit like that in a while… Not since I got Batsy really, and I mean really, mad at me…" Joker incoherently laughed on the ground.

"Oh, you shut up! What the hell is wrong with you!" Black Mask tried to stand up again only to collapse. "Fuck! Someone help me up here…"

Great White Shark quickly made his way across the room to go help his partner in crime. But when he was halfway across the room, Joker reached out and grabbed his ankle which caused him to trip over. Joker just kept laughing as Great White Shark face planted.

Everyone else around the room was either enjoying the show or too confused and surprised to react properly.

"Should we do something about… All this?" Magpie whispered, leaning towards Selina.

"I've got no stake in this." Selina shrugged. "Let's just watch these crazy assholes destroy each other."

The pathetic struggle on the ground continued for several more minutes with Joker and Great White Shark awkwardly wrestling each other and Black Mask continually trying and failing to stand up. The people that Mr. Feeze's ray had hit were now regaining their movement and trying to get away.

However after a few moments it seemed that the fun had come to an end. The sound of police sirens slowly began to grow louder.

"Shit… That's not good…" Ivy muttered to herself.

"This is the police! Come out with your hands up!"

"I think this is our cue to leave…" Kite-Man leaned in towards Black Spider and whispered.

"Yeah, no shit." Black Spider said.

With the police now being definitively on the scene everyone unanimously made the decision that it was time to run away. So with that everyone began to scatter.

"Girls, this way!" Ivy motioned for Magpie, Selina and Harley to follow her. She brought some roots out of the ground and tore a hole in one of the intact walls for them to escape through.

Harley paused for a moment, considering hitting Joker with her hammer again. But she decided it wasn't worth it and instead hurried after her friends in order to make her escape. The four of them hurried out the hole Ivy made and quickly found themselves in the alley behind the hotel.

"Do you feel bad for leaving the others behind?" Magpie asked.

"Only a little." Harley shrugged as she followed Ivy's lead.

"Oh, they're all mostly competent." Ivy shrugged. "I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Yeah we should probably just run for now." Selina said.

The four girls used some more of Ivy's plants to get up onto a nearby roof behind the hotel. The girls hurried as fast as they could, not wanting to look behind them. The chances of Batman or one of his associates showing up grew the longer they stuck around so they wanted to get out of there and find somewhere nice to hide out.

"Are we being followed?" Magpie briefly looked over her shoulder.

"I don't think so…" Ivy said. "But then again, Batman is known for his stealth… Just keep running, okay?"

The girls all silently agreed and continued to flee from the scene of the crime. However they only ran about another few feet before something stopped them.

Something blunt, metal and oddly light hit Harley in the back, knocking her down. The other three women were quick to notice what happened and turn back to help her up. But as they were helping Harley back to her feet they noticed a costumed individual running towards them.

It was none other than Batwoman; an aloof ally of Batman's. From the way she fought most of the criminal world assumed she had military training of some kind. However, the way she dressed suggested a flair for the theatrical. Her bright red wig, incredibly pale facial makeup and striking ruby lipstick all made her stand out rather dramatically.

"You four, stop right there!" Batwoman called after the girls.

"Yeah, not doing that!" Selina shouted back.

"I'm okay… I can still run…" Harley muttered, slowly regaining her composure. "Damn I always forget how much those bat-thingies hurt…"

"Stop ignoring me!" Batwoman took a capsule off her belt and threw it at the women. It burst into a cloud of smoke, temporarily blinding them.

The women all coughed as Batwoman leaped into the fray, attacking them with a flurry of jabs and a few kicks. The girls were able to counter fairly well, with the exception of Ivy who was more used to ranged combat with the help of her plants. Ivy got kicked in the face fairly quickly and was knocked down.

Harley, Selina and Magpie were more adept at close-range hand-to-hand combat and they did better at countering Batwoman. Magpie got in a few good swipes with her clawed gloves and Harley's acrobatics kept her from getting hit too much. Selina used her whip and fists to fight.

Eventually, Batwoman realized that she may have been in over her head when the girls began to overpower her. But Batwoman was a fighter and she was not ready to give up just yet. However, Harley and her hammer had other plans.

Harley's hammer connected with Batwoman's face hard, knocking her down onto the hard rooftop with blood leaking out of her nostrils. Despite the broken nose, Batwoman still moved in her daze, attempting to sit back up.

"Girls, I suggest we leave while we have the chance." Ivy said.

"Good idea. I was thinking the same thing." Selina nodded. "C'mon, let's hurry!"

While Batwoman was still in her impaired state, the other girls hurried away as quickly as they could. It seemed that they were all fast enough to escape from the temporarily knocked down Batwoman.

They made it several buildings over and about five minutes later there was no sign of being chased anymore.

"Oh thank god, we escaped…" Magpie let out a sigh of relief.

"Well… I think tonight was a bit of a disaster. To say the least." Ivy remarked.

"I dunno. I got to smack Mistah J in the face. That felt pretty good." Harley shrugged.

"Okay, that is a small bright side." Selina nodded. "But still… I don't think we did anything to stop the gang activity. Not to mention we don't know if any of our guys got out okay. But hey… At least we're alright."

"Yes, it's good we're all okay." Ivy nodded. "Us girls have to look after each other."

"Yeah! Hoes before bros!" Harley cheered.

"Don't say that ever again." Ivy said.

"Heh, sounded better in my head…" Harley giggled.

"So… What do we do now?" Magpie spoke up.

There was a silence while all the girls stood around and thought, trying to come up with an answer to the question. Eventually, Harley answered. "I guess we just go home."

"Uh huh… Where is home exactly?" Ivy asked. "No offence, I like Killer Croc well enough but… Well, I want to live somewhere with more sunlight. And privacy."

"I was thinkin' the same actually." Harley admitted. She looked over at Selina. "Hey… Can we move back in with you?"

"Of course you can." Selina nodded. "Just try to keep a low profile from now on. I'd rather not have any more cannibals breaking into the building."

"Yeah… I ain't really a low profile type of gal." Harley giggled.

"Well… We need to live somewhere." Ivy sighed, still thinking hard.

A few more moments passed and an idea popped into Harley's head. "Oh! I got it!"

The other girls looked at Harley, slightly surprised. Ivy replied first. "Oh really? What have you got?"

"We can just get our old apartment back." Harley said.

"Oh really, how?"

"Trust me, I got a plan. Just give it a few days. I got a feelin' things are gonna work out just fine..."

***

Five days had passed since the disastrous incident at the hotel and Gotham City was back to business as usual. Gotham's local law enforcement and its various vigilantes had captured quite a few criminals during the raid on the hotel. The majority of the mob bosses they'd gone there to capture were arrested with the exception of Peyton Riley and Maximillian Zeus. But the way Harley figured it, Peyton would be busy repairing her old puppet for quite a while and Zeus was a threat to no one on his own.

Of course it wasn't all good news. Professor Pyg and his assistant Humpty Dumpty were arrested. It also turned out that the Penguin was already in the midst of hiring several high priced lawyers to get him off of his charges.

But for the most part, most of Harley's allies got away and all the people giving her trouble were back in Arkham or Blackgate. So all in all, a success in Harley's book. There was just one thing left for her to take care of. The issue of where she was going to live.

She'd convinced Ivy she had a plan so she, Selina and Magpie were all going along with it. The three of them had no idea what to do so they decided that Harley's plan was better than nothing.

This brought them to the present, standing outside in the hall to Poison Ivy's old apartment. The four of them were dressed in their full supervillain outfits, waiting for some sort of signal from Harley.

"I'm still not sure about this…" Magpie leaned in to Harley to whisper to her. "We already tried taking this place back from that mean Jenna lady and it didn't work."

"Yeah, but now she doesn't have any mob guys to hide behind." Harley said. "She's got that weirdo doppelganger though. So that might be a problem. Either way, I think we can handle this."

Ivy nodded and put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "Alright… I'll let you take the lead. Go on, knock on the door."

"Will do, Red. I've got this." Harley confidently smiled. She hesitated for only a moment before she went ahead and rapped her knuckles against the door. After that, she simply stood there and waited for someone to answer.

After several moments the door opened to reveal a stressed out looking Jaina Hudson. She was dressed more casually than when Harley last saw her, this time wearing a sweater and loose fitting jeans. "Oh hello I…" Recognition flashed across Jaina's face. "You! What the hell are you doing-"

Jaina did not get an answer when Harley cut her off and kicked open the door, knocking her down. Harley laughed in excitement and looked down at Jaina. "Hey there Jaina! We're here for the house!"

"Ugh…" Jaina groaned as she lay on the ground and began trying to stand up. "You fucking bitch… What is wrong with you?"

"You stole our apartment." Harley casually entered the apartment with her hammer slung over her shoulder. "We want it back." She looked around the room and saw that things were a bit less orderly than when she last came here. She noticed a paper shredder set up on the coffee table that was filled to the brim with papers. If Harley had to guess, she was disposing any connections she had left to the recently arrested mob boss in the event one of them ratted her out.

"Oh my god, you're still on that?" Jaina began standing up. "You got my employers arrested and now you've come to take over my place?"

"Actually, you took it over from our friend." Selina said. "Remember? Jenna Duffy? The Carpenter? We'd like you to sign the building back over to her."

"And why should I do that?" Jaina glared at them.

"Cause if ya don't, we'll kick your ass." Harley said. "Oh and we can totally get ya arrested too."

"You know what?" Jaina stood up fully. "Fuck it… Oswald, Harvey and Maxie were funding a lot of my real estate. I need to sell off a lot of my properties to keep afloat. I'd be happy to relinquish this one. Frankly, I don't want to deal with you idiots anymore." She held her hand out and in a flash of light her double, the White Rabbit, appeared.

"Whoa, what's going on now?" White Rabbit looked around.

"We're packing up." Jaina put her hands on her hips. "These girls will be living here now."

"Oh… Okay." White Rabbit shrugged. She looked at Harley, Ivy, Selina and Magpie, smiling at them. "Hi girls!" She waved at them, cheerily oblivious at Jaina's annoyed attitude. "This place is really nice, I think you'll like it here."

"Rabbit, that's enough." Jaina sighed. "You go help me pack up." She then looked over at Harley. "We'll be in touch."

***

A week had now passed and much to the surprise of Harley and the girls, Jaina Hudson had actually kept her work. It seemed that Harley's desire to reclaim her old apartment came at a surprisingly opportune time. So it seemed that the balance in Harley's life had finally been restored. No more gang wars, no more chaos. For the time being. Harley was acutely aware that her own personality would eventually lead her to doing something stupid that upset this balance. But for the time being, she could enjoy her quiet life.

On this particular Sunday morning, Harley woke up at around 9:30 AM in a comfortable bed. She'd only worn her panties the bed the night before so as a result she woke up on her stomach with her breasts being smushed up against the mattress.

She groaned a bit and looked around, rolling over onto her back. She saw the curtains were open and letting the sunshine into her house. On the other side of the bed, Ivy had already left. Harley heard Ivy moving around outside.

So with that, Harley crawled out of bed and picked out a black t-shirt to wear. She exited the bedroom and came out to find Ivy watching a gardening show on TV while sipping on a cup of coffee. Ivy was wearing some sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. Seeing Harley exiting, she smiled. "Well hey there sleepyhead, how's it feel to be back here?"

"Still a bit weird." Harley shrugged a bit as she approached. "But I like the redecoratin' you've done so far." She looked around at the plants put up around the house.

"Yes, I like it too." Ivy nodded. "The place still smells a bit like that perfume Jaina was wearing… But I'm sure we'll get rid of that eventually."

"That's good. I want this place to smell like us." Harley said. "I like to think we smell pretty good."

"Let's stop talking about smell, okay?" Ivy chuckled a bit.

"Good idea." Harley nodded. She sat down on the couch and got closer to Ivy, cuddling up with her a bit. "You're the best girlfriend ever, Red… Ya always know just what to do."

Ivy smiled and held onto Harley. "I'm just doing the best I can. Every day I feel lucky to have you in my life. I'm so thankful you and I ended up together."

"Aww, ya mean it?" Harley smiled. "Cause I feel the same way…"

"Of course I do." Ivy smiled right back.

Before their talk could continue much longer, there was a knock at the door. Hearing this, Harley hopped up from the couch. "Oh right, I forgot we invited them over. Think we should get dressed?"

"Oh, they've seen us in our loungewear before." Ivy said. "They've seen us naked too. Don't tell Magpie that though, you know how flustered she gets."

Harley went over to the door and opened it up. Sure enough, Magpie and Selina were on the other side in fairly casual street clothes. "Hey girls! Great to see ya!"

"Hello Harley." Selina smiled at her. "Hope we're not over too early."

"Nah, you're right on time." Harley said. "Besides, I'm always happy to have you over. C'mon in!"

Selina and Magpie entered the apartment with Harley closing the door behind them. The two guests sat themselves down on another couch in the living room.

"It's nice to visit you two here." Magpie remarked. "I remember when I was bunking with you girls and I had to sleep on the couch."

"It's a different couch now." Ivy said. "Jaina was in such a hurry to leave she let us keep most of her furniture."

"She took the TV though, so that's too bad. Had to buy our own." Harley remarked.

"Well that sure is nice of her." Selina remarked. "Looks like she had good taste. This chair I'm sitting in is really comfy."

"Yep, seems like in the end we all came out on top." Harley said. She stayed quiet for a moment before snapping her fingers. "Say, can I get'cha girls something to drink? I got some iced tea."

"That sounds nice." Magpie nodded. "I'd love some."

"Same here. I can't say no to iced tea." Selina said.

"Awesome!" Harley hopped up from the couch. "I'll be right back." She scurried off to the kitchen and returned later carrying a tray with four glasses of iced tea on it. "Here ya go everyone!"

Selina, Ivy and Magpie all helped themselves to some tea while Harley sat back down on the couch.

"Say, now that we all have drinks this would be the perfect time to have a toast." Ivy said.

"Great idea!" Harley cheered. "What should we toast to?"

"How about us?" Ivy suggested. "Just us. We've all been through a lot."

"Yeah, you're right." Selina nodded. "Things have been hectic ever since that impromptu road trip we took. Now we all have our own homes again and we can just kick back and relax."

"And maybe rob a bank on the weekend." Harley added.

"I can toast to that." Magpie nodded.

"In that case, cheers!" Harley raised up her glass. "Cheers to us and still bein' alive after all the shit we've been through."

The other three girls raised their glasses and clinked them together before each taking a sip of the iced tea.

"You know, a toast doesn't work as well when the drinks are non-alcoholic." Selina remarked.

"C'mon, it's too early to get drunk." Magpie said.

"Oh, fair enough." Selina chuckled.

"Stick around for long enough and we might break some drinks out later." Ivy remarked.

"Sounds wonderful." Selina nodded. "We might do just that!"

"Yeah! Let's have a girls night in tonight!" Harley cheered.

And so the four women continued to chat, banter and drink all day and into the night. They watched movies and, at Harley's insistence, played board games. It had been a long time since they were able to have a normal night together, just having fun without worrying about any looming threats. Harley knew it wouldn't last forever, her own chaotic personality would make sure of that. But for now she had her girlfriend and her best friends there with her and that was just what she needed.

The End