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Chapter Text

“Having trouble accepting what you want?”

Harry knew what he wanted – mostly to be left alone while he tried to seek out his captain in the mass of people celebrating the barrier’s destruction.  He wanted the feeling of minor paranoia to finally release its hold over him now that he was in Auradon, truly in Auradon.  He wanted to not be on guard all the time so he could appreciate the dancing and open air and greenery, but instead he found himself angry as he always was, frustrated and tense and annoyed at the massive crowd that Uma and Gil had willingly thrust themselves into. 

Harry couldn’t protect them from everyone like this, though supposedly he wouldn’t need to, out here.

And if his defensive services were no longer going to be required, Harry wondered how long Uma would keep him around, how long Gil would need him.  Harry was really only good for fighting and intimidation, for interrogating and stealing and wooing over those Uma set him on.  Those were the extent of his skills, and he didn’t know how many of them would be useful in goody two-shoes Auradon. 

He’d been ruminating on that fact while he prowled the outskirts of the celebration, too agitated to risk searching the crowds for his crew from within.  Eventually, he’d catch Bonnie or Jonas and they could group up from there, but until then he had to stay focused, which he couldn’t do if some nosy broad was bothering him. 

“I want ye to fuck off,” Harry snapped, narrowing his eyes at the old crone huddled beneath her cloak.  Not nice enough to be from Auradon, but Harry didn’t recognize her from the Isle either. “Not having any trouble accepting that.”

“A surface desire,” the old woman mused, seemingly undeterred by Harry’s anger. “A fleeting whim.  I’m referring to what you truly want.  Your greatest wish.”

“And what do ye think that is?” Harry asked, playing along while he searched for the handle of the knife he had sheathed against his back. 

“Love,” the woman said, throwing Harry for a loop when she shouldn’t, because he’d been expecting something like ‘violence’ or ‘evil’ or anything else derogatory. “Affection.  Both in body and mind.”

“Fuck off,” Harry snarled, backing away in a few loose swaggers in the appearance of buying himself space to attack, when in reality he just wanted to leave. “Go bother someone else.”

The old woman tilted her head to the side, thoughtful, as though she was considering the fickle being that was Harry. “Perhaps one would be easier to accept than the other,” she mused, seemingly to herself. “I suppose that can be arranged.”

Harry felt his hackles raise. “I don’t need your help.”

“And yet,” the old woman hummed, waving her hand in slow, careful movements. “You shall have it.”

Harry forgot – because he was stupid – that Auradon equaled magic.  That Auradon equaled totally new threats he’d never had to concern himself with before, only now a ring of light was curling around his wrist, just over the edge of his gloves, burning hot against his skin before sending shock-like pulses of heat through his entire body, a relentless buzz pounding in his ears.

When the light faded, there was a bracelet locked around his wrist.  It was a plan thing – silver with nine little diamonds fixed against the chain.  Each diamond was filled with a red sort of jewel that mutely glinted in the obnoxious Auradon light. 

“What the fuck is this?” Harry snapped, trying to take stock of his body, which felt distinctly weird. 

“A counter,” the old woman hummed. “To help you keep track of your enchantment.”

“Ye fucking enchanted me?” Harry spat, too overwhelmed to be truly furious. “How?”

“You have trouble being vulnerable,” the old woman declared, further proving her insanity. “Trouble accepting affection, therefore that bracelet-” she said, gesturing to the new piece of jewelry she had given Harry. “Will make it a biological imperative for you to do both.  When you have managed to be vulnerable with as many people as there are diamonds, the enchantment will be lifted.” She grinned as though pleased with this development. “Hopefully, you will learn something from the exchange.”

“I’ve learned that you’re a fucking lunatic,” Harry hissed, unsheathing his knife with a growl. “Undo the fucking spell-”

“It can only be broken by you,” the woman hummed. “Your captain and Lady Mal won’t be able to help you.  The Enchanted Lake cannot help you.  Your future, Harrison Hook, is entirely in your own hands.”

“Same as always, ye shit.” Harry wasted no time lunging forward, but the woman seemed to disappear in a cloud of smoke before he ever made contact with her.  He charged, but she was gone, leaving him with a stupid bracelet and a heap of mumbo-jumbo bullshit that was supposed to help him somehow.

Who the fuck had she been?  If she was a player on the Isle, Harry would have known about her, but she looked like a nobody.  Some old crone two seconds from keeling over.  Perhaps that was how she’d gotten by on the Isle, or maybe she’d just hidden, waiting for the day her magic returned. 

Whoever she was, Harry needed to commit her face to memory before he forgot.  He needed to track down Uma and report this bullshit, he needed-

To get laid, apparently. 

It was a sudden thing, the shift from furious to furiously aroused, and if Harry hadn’t been blindsided by a brilliant swell of heat, he probably wouldn’t have believed it at all. 

But there he was, hiding in a back alley somewhere with a hard-on like a true pervert of the Isle, just begging to be jumped by whatever recently-escaped sex maniac happened to stumble his way.

Harry was moving before he could even think about it, charging away from the crowds and cursing the fact that he wasn’t wearing his usual coat that would hide his predicament.  In truth, Harry didn’t dwell too much on carnal delights.  He took care of his body’s needs as a matter of practicality so he wouldn’t get distracted, but it wasn’t something he intentionally sought out.  That shit – sex shit – left you too exposed, offered too many opportunities for attacks.  Harry’s job was to be a fighter, and while flirtation was a key component to his public persona, it was never a means to achieve any sort of sexual gratification.  For him, flirtation was a tool for negotiation and intimidation – he sure as shit wasn’t looking for someone to canoodle with.  He’d seen a fair share of VKs get struck down by the prospects of love, how it ultimately ruined them, and Harry wasn’t going to let that happen to him.  He already had more than he needed with his crew, he sure as shit didn’t need to be greedy and demand more. 

It was these thoughts that got him through the small backstreets of Auradon, until he finally managed to lose himself in a park overrun with trees.  He found a grove to hide in, at last deeming it safe to take stock of his situation, and pressed his back against a tree – solid and whole instead of rotten and threatening to shatter at any given moment.  Fucking Auradon.

And fucking witches.  Harry’s retreat had only made him hotter.  Each determined step had his clothing shifting and scraping against his groin until he could feel himself throbbing, straining against the leather material of his pants.  He wanted to touch himself, but more than that, he wanted to be touched, which was likely what the whole stupid enchantment was about.  That old bitch wanted the world to see him as some kind of whore – wanted to besmirch the honor of Uma’s crew, and Harry had allowed it to happen.  And now he had to deal with this bullshit.

His body felt hot, shaky.  He was painfully aware of the rise and fall of his chest, of the material of his shirt scraping against his nipples until his fingers begged to pull at them.  He wanted to be touched.  He wanted satisfaction.

“Fuck,” he hissed, banging his head back against the tree.  He shifted his gaze down towards his crotch, glaring at his body’s betrayal. “Just fucking go away.”

“S-Sorry,” a new voice said, and Harry was so fucking distracted by the sorry state of things that he’d completely missed the fact that someone had followed him. “I just- I saw you running and I was worried.”

It wasn’t a VK that pushed into Harry’s forest retreat, but that daft prince they’d rescued from the princess’ cottage.  He looked better now, clad in a light blue suit with his pretty blond curls parted in careful waves, and Harry would have snarled at him had he not been slammed by the desperate urge to throw himself against the blond’s body and melt into his arms.

Fuck. 

“I um- don’t like crowds either,” the blond offered shyly. “I pretend to, but I don’t, so I thought- when I saw you leave-”

“Fuck off,” Harry snapped, wondering how the dumbass couldn’t have realized Harry’s predicament yet. “Ye did your good deed, now leave.”

“But…” The prince gave him a worried look. “You’re all flushed.”

“From running,” Harry declared, trying to angle his lower body away from the blond without being too terribly obvious about it.

“Are you sick?” he asked, completely ignoring Harry’s statement and stepping forward, pressing a hand against the first mate’s forehead. “Are you having a panic attack?”

“I’m not fucking panicking, ye shit,” Harry growled, trying to jerk away. “I’m just-” 

“Really hot,” the guy said, and Harry knew what he meant, but his body took it to mean something else completely and shuddered, every nerve ending seeming to tremble with want.  “See?” the guy pressed, stepping forward. “I um- I know you have no reason to trust me, but you saved me and I want to help you-”

“I don’t want or need your fucking help,” Harry growled, trying to take a step back and hitting the stupid tree, which wasn’t great for him because blondie followed obliviously forward, until he was standing in the area of far too fucking close. 

“Then let me get someone who can help you,” the guy implored, all noble and eager like stupid Benjamin, who Harry pointedly tried not to think about. 

Fuck.  Fuck, he thought about him, his length throbbing in the confines of his pants at the idea of that dumb, hopeful smile. 

A moan spilled form Harry’s mouth – a drawn out, tawdry thing, and that was when the blond finally froze, finally stopped and actually looked Harry over.

The first mate could see the moment he connected the dots, the blond’s cheeks flooded with an embarrassed warmth. 

“Go on,” Harry snapped, filled with a sudden rage. “Go ahead and get your laughs in at the stupid whore.”

“What?” the blond blinked, his gaze dragging up from Harry’s crotch with a bewildered stare. “No, you’re not a whore.”

“Save your niceness and shit,” Harry growled. “Only sluts get worked up over fucking nothing.”

Instead of bashfulness or more confusion, something seemed to harden in the blond’s features, a certain kind of resolve. “You’re not a slut for being horny,” he declared. “That’s a natural thing.  You don’t have to be embarrassed by it, and I’m certainly not going to judge you over it.”

“That’s just fucking great,” Harry snapped, his words getting more strained with each passing second. “Ye gonna offer to help me out too?”

That lovely blush intensified into a brilliant thing, bashfulness overwhelming whatever certainty the blond had in an easy rush. “I- I mean, I can.  I’d be honored, um- to help, since you helped me- not just because you helped me, I mean.  That isn’t- that wouldn’t be the only reason why-”

Harry really should just knock the guy out and leave, try and find a quiet space where he could munk one off and get back to Uma, but his frazzled mind sort of lost track of things after ‘I can’, and he maybe held on for about three seconds before he bodily threw himself at the blond.

Unfortunately, the blond hadn’t been expecting this, so they fell to the ground in a tangled heap. 

Harry didn’t care.  Harry was hard and had contact with a warm, willing body and those lips that he’d been staring at so pointedly before were positioned so he could finally taste, so he did- and he’d kissed before as an order of necessity but never for pleasure, never for fun.  He’d snuck kisses against the top of Gil’s head when the idiot was asleep but that was as far as Harry went for satisfying his own needs so to have this, so willing – if clumsy – just for him?

Harry took it.  He kissed and licked and grabbed the blond’s hands, moving them to cup Harry’s rear and that should be fucking humiliating but mostly Harry just whimpered, rocking in the blond’s lap until he felt the first slide of friction of his groin against the blond’s stomach and keened-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, please,” Harry found himself crooning between kisses. “Please-”

“Okay, okay,” the blond said, moving to sit up until Harry was definitely perched in his lap and they were definitely too close and Harry was definitely the girl but he didn’t care. “We’re gonna- it’s gonna be okay but um- you deserve privacy, okay?  So I’m just- I’m gonna do something and you need to not freak out-”

“Do it.  Fucking do it,” Harry whined against that tanned neck, his hands clutching at that stupid suit jacket.

“O…kay,” the guy said, and then there was another flash of light.

They were in a room.  A bedroom, not as fancy as the princess’ but something in that vein – stupidly nice, very clean.  Large, soft bed. 

It was the bed Harry found himself deposited on, the first mate sprawled out on his back while the blond crawled over him, boxing him against the mattress that felt like he was resting on clouds.

“My dorm room,” the blond said when he started fumbling for the clasps of Harry’s top. “At Auradon Prep.  Or- my old dorm room, now that we’re graduating.  No one will bother us here.”

“Just fuck me,” Harry snapped before he could think about it, before he knew that was a thing he wanted, and he watched the blond’s breath catch, his eyes dilating as he looked Harry over.

“Okay,” he said, giving a jerked nod as he struggled to free Harry from his shirt. “Okay, we can do that.”

Harry moaned when his torso was finally freed, though had he his senses, he would have been tense, furious at himself for allowing such exposure.  The blond could see all his weak points now – old scars and battle wounds that could be exploited, but the blond didn’t seem to care, too busy kissing down Harry’s chest until he could lick at those obscenely erect nipples. 

A small wail loosed from Harry’s throat at the first suck against them, his member seeming to spurt beads of slick to mimic the blond’s suction. 

“Oh, fuck,” Harry said when he realized that was actually the case. “Blondie, please-”

“It’ll be okay,” blondie murmured, and Harry wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to convince before he shifted over to Harry’s other nipple and started the process all over again. 

By the time the inside of Harry’s pants was a sodden mess, the blond had shifted his focus to pull off the pirate’s boots, attending to them one at a time until he returned to Harry’s belt, the pirate unable to do anything but lift his hips eagerly, the enchantment making him desperate to be rid of the damn things.

Harry whined when the pants were finally dragged down his legs, his drenched length bobbing hard against his stomach.  His survival instincts screamed at him to cover himself, for him to knock the blond out and run, for him to get back into his damn clothes because nakedness in the presence of another equaled death, and yet he could only savor the prince’s bashful gaze as he looked over Harry’s form. 

“Fuck me,” Harry crooned, shaking his hips.  He felt empty in a pointed way, and somehow knew there was only one option to fix such a thing. “I need- I need you-”

He cut off with a choked gasp when he felt some kind of slickness build up on his entrance, the ring of muscle flexing and twitching despite having received no attention yet. 

“Please,” Harry whined, shifting uneasily. “I need-”

“I’ve got you,” Princey said, and then he wrapped his hand around Harry’s length. 

The pirate arched with a broken mewl, his hips jutting into the solid contact.  It was the first time Harry had ever had someone other than himself touch his member, and he was eager for it instead of terrified.  He wanted to keep rutting into that tan skin, wanted blondie to keep pumping him up and down.  He could feel himself leaking with a vengeance, and knew he was painfully close to falling apart. 

“I’m gonna,” Harry gasped. “I’m gonna come.  I’m gonna-”

“It’s okay,” Blondie said, giving him another careful pump.

It was enough to make Harry lose it. 

He came with a violent shudder, back arching as he sputtered all over his chest.  It was different than when he took care of himself, different under the attentions of someone else.  The entire thing seemed to last longer, aftershocks rocking through Harry’s body that the blond guided him through in fumbling, jerked movements. 

Fortunately, Harry’s new super libido didn’t seem to care – though later the shame of losing himself in front of someone else would definitely set in, and that would be horrifying. 

“Better?” Blondie asked, fingers toying with Harry’s spent length almost reverently.

“Y-Yeah,” Harry said as he struggled to catch his breath. 

Fuck.  Fuck.

“Um,” Blondie ducked his head, his throat seeming to bob in a rough swallow. “You um… look very pretty.”

The idle comment made Harry’s breath catch, caught him so thoroughly off-guard that it went straight to his chest and then, even more embarrassingly, straight to his dick.

Which was still in the prince’s hand. 

So he felt it magically harden in an instant, felt it go from flaccid to raging hardon with no discernable go-between. 

“Fuck,” Harry whined, letting his head fall back in despair. 

“Um…” the prince said, staring down at Harry’s dick with wide eyes. “Is this like, a bloodline thing?  Did the barrier block it before?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Harry lied, because he was too embarrassed to admit that he’d let a stupid old woman get one up on him. “Could ye just-” He had planned to say ‘beat me off again’, but what came out was- “-fuck me?”

“Um.” The blond considered this, then shifted back, pulling off his stupid blue blazer before seeming to waver with uncertainty. “I’ve never done that but I- I think I have some lotion-”

“I’m already wet,” Harry growled, pointedly averting his gaze to anywhere else.

“What?” The prince froze, confused.

It was too much for Harry.

Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself pushing he prince onto his back with a snarl.  He undid the prince’s belt and pants in angry movements, freed a pretty pink dick while the blond was still gasping before he climbed into the prince’s lap, got into fucking position, and lowered himself down onto that lovely length.

And damn fucking shit did it feel good.

“Harry,” the blond moaned, his hands seeming to reflexively find Harry’s hips. “Harry-”

“Shit, shit, shit, yes,” Harry babbled, rocking his hips to work the blond deeper. “Yes, yes, paint me.”

The blond was so pretty underneath him, his cheeks dusted in a lovely flush, his curls spread out like a halo.  Those cutting blue eyes were squeezed shut and a pink lip was caught between his teeth while he shuddered and gasped, and Harry would savor it, would revel in it, but he was too busy trying to hold himself together with fucking pieces of string.

“So good, so good inside me,” Harry moaned like a dumb slut, working himself up and down the prince like a damn champ.  He should be horrified because he hadn’t known how guys had sex before this – only had theories, but his body seemed to know everything to do on its own, and- “Want to be pretty for you,” Harry’s traitor mouth blustered, even bigger traitorous hands settling on his chest so he could toy with his own nipples and make himself leak with renewed vigor. “Do I- do I feel good?”

“Yes,” the blond moaned, rutting up into him. “You’re so tight, Harry. And um- you look- you look so pretty.  You’re um- pretty always, but like this- especially-”

“Fuck,” Harry growled, felt himself clutching around the blond ruthlessly, shuddering hard when he hit a nerve bundle that made Harry’s breath catch.

Fuck. Fuck.  He was letting this damn prince use him like a cheap lay and Harry didn’t even care.  Didn’t care that he was taking one up the ass, that he wanted it.  Wanted it deeper, wanted more.  It felt so damn good and he wanted more of it and he wanted the prince to fill him. 

“Harry,” the blond crooned as though sensing his thoughts. “I’m gonna-”

Harry’s breath caught when he felt the blond lose it, had half a second to savor it before tan fingers curled between his legs and jerked him off with a determination that should be awkward but Harry couldn’t focus on it because he felt so damn good. 

When he came down, he was still perched in the prince’s lap, felt his softened length deep inside him, and knew somehow they weren’t finished.

“H-Harry?” the prince asked, his chest heaving with exertion.

“…more, please,” Harry gasped, squeezing carefully around that member.

The blond moaned, and it was enough for Harry.

Later, he would be annoyed.

For now, he’d get sex.

-:-:-:-:-:-

He managed to get the prince to come two more times before the enchantment’s hunger was satisfied.  The prince’s cum ended up spilling from him when Harry managed to pull himself off, flopping to the side to stare at the blond’s wrecked visage, his bottom lip swollen from where he had bitten into it with perfect white teeth.

“Whoa,” the blond said, pressing a hand to his chest as though to steady himself. “That was…”

“Fuck off,” Harry snarled, curling defensively in on himself and shuddering when he felt a new gush of slickness slide from his body, smearing between his cheeks. 

Fuck. 

“Hey,” the blond said, pushing himself up on his elbow. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.  Auradon’s a land of magic that manifests differently for everyone.  Maybe you um- were just experiencing a buildup since you’ve been trapped under the barrier for so long.”

Harry gave him an unimpressed look. “So I’m magically a whore then?”

The blond flushed. “That’s not what I said.  And you’re not a whore, you just- you have different needs than other people.  There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Because ye got to take advantage of it?” Harry offered with a scowl, deferring to his oldest defense mechanism of picking a fight.

“No,” the prince said, getting that annoyed look on his face that Uma wore sometimes when she knew Harry was being a shit on purpose. “There’s nothing wrong with it because it’s natural, and you’re allowed to like that sort of stuff, and whoever told you differently was wrong.”

“No one fucking told me.” Harry sat up, snarling. “-because it’s fucking obvious.” And then, before they could start talking in circles, he looked around the room. “And ye have fucking magic?”

Harry assumed, at least, that it had been magic that had teleported them to this stupid perfect room.

The blond blinked, clearly thrown by the non-sequitur. “Sort of,” he admitted. “It’s more of a work-in-progress.”

“Why didn’t ye use your damn work-in-progress against Audrey?” Harry spat.  “Didn’t she hold you prisoner?”

“I didn’t want to hurt her,” the blond admitted. “And by the time I realized I couldn’t talk her down, she’d cut off access to my powers.”

“Bad call on your part,” Harry said, feeling a bit uneasy. 

If Uma had gone nutters, he would have tried to talk her down, too, but the blond didn’t need to know that.

Then again, he likely would have blindly followed her, the same way he always did.  One of the few things he had going for him was his loyalty.

Looked like Blondie was more useful than him in more ways than one. 

“Maybe,” the blond said, sighing. “I should have just knocked her out, got that staff away from her, but-”

“It’s done,” Harry said, already tired of this conversation.  He pushed himself off the bed, intent to search for his clothes, then stared at the ruined state of himself.  He really was a damn mess.

“Here,” Blondie said, getting off the bed and motioning Harry over to another door. “You can use my bathroom.  I’ll um- work on cleaning your clothes, since you probably don’t want to use mine.”

Harry would have snarled at him for making assumptions, but that time the blond was right, at least.  Harry wouldn’t want Uma raising a brow at him, the captain familiar with what he’d worn to the celebration.  It would be entirely suspicious if Harry returned in different clothing, especially if it was from Auradon.  

“Fine,” Harry said, his voice bitter, like the prince wasn’t doing him a favor.  “…thank ye.”

The blond startled, likely having expected basic manners to be beyond Harry, and offered him a dopey grin the pirate truly did not deserve.  “You’re welcome,” he chirped, a light flush dusting his cheeks. “Um- clean towels are in closet.  Help yourself to whatever.”

“I will,” Harry drawled, and then he pushed himself into the unknown, feigning entirely more confidence than he could ever possibly have.

So.

That was a hell of a day one in Auradon.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The prince had a tub and another thing Harry had only ever seen in magazines and commercials – had considered almost entirely mythical until he came face-to-face with an elusive shower for himself. 

Harry, who was not one to shy away from challenge, tested the thing out, even turned on the hot water spigot despite never having luck with it before and gasping when the water came out in a warm drizzle. 

It worked just like the commercials – water falling like rain in steady rivulets.  The water pooled into a sort of murky grey under Harry’s feet that eventually ran clean, and Harry helped himself to a variety of weird-smelling products that prince had left on various ledges.  Stuff like body wash was straightforward whereas shampoo required Harry to read the actual directions.  He washed himself off and stayed under the spray until the warmth began to fade away, and only then did he force himself to dry off, staring down at his body and admiring how it was cleaner than it’d ever been before. 

He strolled back into the prince’s room with a scowl, a stupidly soft blue towel wrapped around his waist.

“Um.” The blond flushed when he caught Harry’s entrance, staring for a moment before he snapped himself out of it. “I um- figured out how to magically clean your clothes, so…” He motioned to where he had neatly folded them on the bed. “I also got you some socks and underwear, if you want.”

“I’m not owing you,” Harry declared, knowing he was stretching for more than he deserved.  In truth, he had racked up a terrible debt to the prince and denying as much was petty and foolish.

But of course a stupid prince from Auradon wouldn’t register as much. “Of course not,” he said, blinking innocently. “They’re um- gifts,” he decided.  And then an idea hit him. “In fact, all of this was a gift,” he declared, gesturing to the bathroom and then more embarrassingly towards the bed. “And um- if you needed help in the future- that’d be a gift too.”

“Awfully generous of you,” Harry snarled as he fingered the soft material of the underwear the prince had gotten him – small, tight shorts that were unapologetically whole. 

They were also light blue, the warm tone close to the smaller tendrils of Uma’s hair, and the idea of wearing his captain’s colors on his genitals-

Let it not be said Harry was smart.  He always liked playing with fire. 

“Well.” The blond flushed, making Harry realize he was standing naked while he admired something that was likely a given right in Auradon. “You’re a hero, so you deserve gifts.”

“I’m not a hero,” Harry scoffed, shucking off the towel and stepping into the underwear, pulling them up in one deft motion.  They were a tight fit, leaving nothing to the imagination, but…

Harry liked them.  He liked looking like Uma.

“Ben’s edict would disagree,” the blond said, his blush somehow managing to darken. “You helped stop Audrey and saved Auradon, therefore you are a hero.”  The blond froze, considered Harry with new interest. “There’s probably going to be an award ceremony too.  Ben takes these things very seriously.”

“Fucking hell,” Harry said, settling into a familiar swell of agitation to cover up his confusion.  No one should consider him a hero.  At best, Harry was a barbarian.  At worst, a monster.

None of that had room for heroics.

“Whatever,” Harry muttered, shoving himself into his pants before turning his attention to the socks the prince had offered him.

They were yellow.

It was a pale color, but unmistakable, and Harry should snarl, but it was Gil’s color. 

Gil and Uma’s colors offered to him for free, and the kid couldn’t know, but-

It was everything, to Harry.  Not to mention the fact that the socks were whole – a matching set without rips, and Harry knew he should revel in the luxury, but in the end, he also knew he’d be handing these over to Gil. 

Despite his best efforts, Harry couldn’t help but spoil the dumb idiot.  It was a tragic character flaw on his part. 

They didn’t say much of anything else when Harry finished getting dressed, cleaner and better equipped than he’d been in years.

“So um,” the prince said, clearing his throat. “I’ll just get us back to the celebration.”

“I need to find my captain,” Harry confirmed.  And then, for good measure- “What happened here-”

“That’s between us,” the prince said, seeming to be on Harry’s wavelength for once.  Hell, maybe he was embarrassed to have slummed it with a VK. “I respect your privacy, Harry.”

“Sure, ye do,” Harry drawled, like the prince following him wasn’t the reason they had gotten here in the first place.

It wasn’t worth arguing about, though.  The prince decided to say nothing else, and then there was another flash of light, this one taking them back to a familiar park.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Harry found Uma later, the rest of the crew gathered on some sort of stone balcony while they watched an impromptu display of fireworks put together by Fairy Godmother herself.

The captain arched an unimpressed brow at Harry, but otherwise didn’t react while they pretended to watch the display, though in truth both of them had an eye on Gil’s face, his expressions shifting from wonderous to happy to amazed in seamless, eager transitions. 

“You have fun at the party, Harry?” Uma asked, pretending to examine her nails with casual disinterest.  She said ‘fun’ like she thought he’d been up to nefarious deeds, and for once he actually had been whoring himself out, just as she’d suspected.  It wasn’t a satisfying feeling, because for whatever reason Uma bought into more of Harry’s persona than he’d ever intended, the captain thinking he made a regular habit of sleeping around.

Part of that stung, but it kept their relationship professional, which was all Harry could hope for.  Uma was a good captain to them; he couldn’t fuck things up by being a fuck up.

“I did,” Harry hummed, offering her a sly grin. “Where’re we off to next, captain?”

The corner of Uma’s lips kicked up in a grin. “Now here’s where things get interesting.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

They ended up in Auradon Castle.

Auradon Castle.

They ended up at a fucking castle. 

Most of the crew had been sent to retrieve the Lost Revenge, Harry having managed to bring it up to sailable conditions in the year and a half Uma had been trapped outside the barrier.  It had been a terrible year, Harry stepping into the shoes of captain while the sharks started the circle closer, other crews looking to them for weaknesses. 

It resulted in a lot of proactive bloodshed on Harry’s part, the first mate snuffing out problems with a violent ferocity so that his crew remained safe, the same way as Uma had left it. 

It meant that Harry could no longer indulge in the occasional sleepover with Gil, the two of them taking comfort in each other’s presence from their respective sides of the room.  With Harry as captain, he had to stand apart, be strong.  He had to keep the crew fed and run the damn Chip Shoppe and maintain the territory they’d gained when the Core Four had left.

In truth, it was desperation that had Harry diving out of that barrier with Gil – the threads of his patience beginning to fray.  He only had so much strength in him, and the sharks kept closing in.

It was a relief to have the crew out now, docking the Lost Revenge in Belle’s Harbor on King Ben’s invitation.  The lot of them would be staying there, safely kept with the supplies Uma arranged for them, protected under enchantments Uma had placed herself. 

The rest of them – Uma, Harry, and Gil, the supposed heroes of Auradon – had been invited to stay at Auradon Castle.

“It’s simple,” Uma said, sitting comfortably in the limo as though it were her due and not a rolling death machine that could kill them at any moment.  There had been a reason they crashed those damn scooters. “I’ll be working on the framework to take care of the Isle kids.  All you two have to do is look noble and dashing anytime they have a press conference.  Lounge around the castle, enjoy your reward, and keep your damn heads down.  Now that we’re out here we have to be good – because the better behaved we are, the more help I can get for the Isle kids.  Got it?”

“Got it,” Harry and Gil repeated back obediently, even though Harry was still struggling under the idea that anyone could think he was good.  He hadn’t done anything heroic; he’d just been tired.  He’d wanted his captain back, so he’d followed her.  It was just happenstance that Uma decided to save Auradon instead of watch it burn to the ground.  Harry wouldn’t have cared either way.

Uma eyed the first mate as though sensing his unease, but otherwise said nothing when they were dropped off at the damn castle that would be their home for the unforeseen future. 

The pirates were shown to something called a ‘suite’.  As far as Harry could tell, it seemed like a miniature house inside the castle itself.  The door to their suite led into a main lounge room that held a bounty of fancy, untarnished furniture that Harry never thought he’d see in his lifetime.  There was a flatscreen television, and things that looked like those video game consoles they saw on tv sometimes.  The room was nice enough to live in, but apparently not for Auradon schmucks because there were other rooms that branched off that – a kitchen area that outranked the Chip Shoppe by a thousand percent.  There was a small office and three bedrooms – one for each of them, and each of those had its own bathroom, just like the prince’s dorm room.

“It’s fucking ridiculous,” Harry growled as he walked through the room Uma had assigned him. “How much space do they think we fucking need?”

“We’re heroes, Harry,” Uma drawled from her position in the main room, her tone edged with smugness. “We deserve the best.”

Way to fucking rub it in.

The butler offered to give them a tour but Uma declined in favor of immediately getting to work.  Gil disappeared in search of Jay, who he’d apparently bonded with, leaving Harry on his lonesome.

Which was probably for the best, because his wild tryst from the day before was beginning to wear off, and his body was getting antsy.

Right.  Antsy.  He would be so lucky. 

“Fuck,” Harry groaned, locking the door to his room before retreating to his bathroom – lavish and sparkling and painfully bright with far too many damn mirrors.  He didn’t need six different angles to see how stupid he looked, no one needed that many options. 

He wasn’t hard yet, but he would be soon, and if things fell in line with the way they did yesterday, it would be really hard to think when that time came.  The best thing to do would be to cut this thing off at the pass, so with a reluctant sigh he reached for his belt, intent to beat a quick one out so he could get on with his life.

At least, that was the plan, except he couldn’t seem to get his damn hands to undo his pants.

He’d done it earlier – he’d even put the fucking things on – but despite his efforts, he couldn’t seem to do more than let his hands hover awkwardly around his dick, like that was in any way normal. 

This was some enchantment bullshit. 

He sighed, determined not to let this get the best of him, and reevaluated.

You know what he had to do?  Harry had to use the bathroom.  If he had to use the bathroom, clearly he’d be allowed to undo his pants.  He just needed to go over to the toilet and-

Success.  Pants open, dick out, Harry was back in business.  Take that, stupid spell.  Now he just had to-

Let his hand awkwardly hover six inches away from his dumb dick because life hated him.

So, Harry marveled as he gave up, tucking himself back into his clothes and being magically allowed to do so now that he no longer intended to masturbate. At least he’d learned some things.

Like apparently he couldn’t sexually satisfy himself as long as he had this damn enchantment.  Which meant that old fuck wanted him to constantly bother other people to get his rocks off, which meant this-

This reached far further than Harry intended.  He hadn’t told Uma yet, was too embarrassed to do so, but if he couldn’t find a way to get a handle on things-

Distantly, he heard knocking on the door to his room.

“What?!” Harry snarled, charging out of the stupidly nice bathroom to see who could possibly be bothering him now.  Maybe Gil had forgotten something.

He ripped the door open to his room before waiting for a response, and froze when he caught the blond from yesterday staring at him with wide eyes again, wearing yet another one of his stupid light blue suits.

If that wasn’t a damn sign, Harry didn’t know what was.

“Get in here,” he snapped, dragging the blond into the room before re-locking the door behind him. “I’m taking ye up on that gift bullshit.”

“Um.” The blond blinked as he was pushed back against Harry’s bed. “What?”

“I’m horny and you’re present,” Harry snapped while yanking his clothes off. “Ye do the math.”

“Okay,” Blondie said. “That’s fair.”

It wasn’t, but Harry sure as shit wasn’t going to disagree with him.

“Shut up,” Harry snarled. “And take your pants off.”

It was going to be a long afternoon.

Chapter Text

“Oh, wow,” the blond said when they had finished, a complete lack of irony in his tone. “That was amazing.  I mean, it was amazing the first time-”

“Shut up,” Harry growled, curling into the prince’s side even though his brain wanted nothing more than for him to run across the room.  This cuddling shit was weird. “Did ye fucking teleport here too?”

“What?  No,” the prince said, surprised by the abrupt shift in conversation. “No, I sneak into Ben’s castle all the time.  Well, I say ‘sneak’, but I think Lady Belle mostly feels sorry for me, so she tells the servants not to send me away.” He paused like that was a perfectly normal thing, and for all Harry knew, maybe it was. “I um… I heard you guys moved in here, so I thought I’d check on you.”

It was a good thing he had, not that Harry intended to thank him for it.

“So…” he continued carefully, running a hand down Harry’s scarred back. “Did it get any better?”

“Obviously not,” Harry snarled, angling himself closer to the prince’s naked body instead of decking him like he should. “I can’t- I’m not allowed to touch myself.”

“You’re not?” the prince seemed concerned about that, in that dumb Auradon way where they casually gave out their interest. “Shit, Harry.”

“It’s fine,” Harry hissed, feeling defensive even though it was objectively far from good.

“I could do some research,” the blond offered. “Maybe I can find something in my spell books to make it better.”

“I already know how to make it better,” Harry snapped.  The last thing he needed was more magic.

“You do?” the blond was curious again, staring down at Harry with wide eyes. “How?”

For a moment, Harry didn’t say anything, weighing his options.  He didn’t like willingly volunteering vulnerabilities, but Blondie seemed to be a sort of hero groupie for some reason.  Additionally, he seemed hooked on Harry (the irony was strong) – eager to help out when he didn’t really have to.

In the end, it came down to the fact that while Harry was pretty sure he couldn’t live with the idea of humiliating Uma with this knowledge, Blondie was probably too stupid and sympathetic to spill his secret.

So. 

“Look,” Harry said, thrusting the enchanted bracelet in the blond’s face.  “I have to sleep with nine people.”

The blond stared at the bracelet, then looked back at Harry.

The pirate sighed. “See?” he pointed to the leftmost diamond which had faded from dark red to a stupid light blue. “That changed when I fucked ye.”

“So if you do it eight more times, you’ll be normal again?” the prince asked, sounding thoughtful.  “Have… you been waiting for an opportune moment?”

“What?” Harry asked, not following his line of questioning.

The prince blushed. “I mean, you’re really cool and good looking.  You could probably sleep with whoever you want.”

“I don’t fucking want to sleep with anyone,” Harry snapped. “I wouldn’t sleep with ye if I didn’t have to!”

“Huh,” the blond said, seeming entirely unoffended. “And that’s what makes it a curse.”

“Obviously,” Harry scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Okay,” the blond said, rubbing Harry’s back again like they were friends or some shit. “I can keep helping you, if you’re okay with it, and um… I might be able to get you to someone else-”

“I don’t need your help,” Harry snapped, sitting up with a firm scowl.

The prince didn’t seem upset by his adjustment, those stupid blue eyes blinking up at him. “No offense, but at this point I think you kind of do.  And look-” He sat up to follow Harry, unperturbed by his anger. “This will stay a secret, okay?  For me, and for the person I’d bring you to.  This is- whoever did this was cruel, and I think a lot more people would be willing to help you than you’d think, but not like, just because they want to have sex with you.”

“Sweet evil,” Harry sighed, dragging a hand across his face. “If I agree to your dumb plan will ye stop trying to give me pep talks?”

“Sure,” the blond chirped, giving him an easy smile not unlike Gil’s.  “So,” he said, holding out his hand. “It’s a deal?”

“Whatever,” Harry said, shaking it. “Ye fulfill my sexual needs in secret, and I’ll let ye try and help break the curse.”

“Neato,” the blond said, once more lacking irony.  “Does this mean we’re friends now?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Harry snarled, finally deciding to get out of the bed before the blond’s misplaced optimism rubbed off on him. “I don’t have friends.”

“Crew?” the blond asked, stupidly following Harry to the bathroom because he didn’t understand boundaries.

Ugh, it was like a royal version of Gil. 

“Allies,” Harry snarled as he stormed towards the shower, turning it on in deft movements.  This one was even bigger than the prince’s, and armed with an array of incomprehensible products that Harry did not look forward to distinguishing. “We’re allies.”

“Neato,” the blond repeated with a grin. “Let’s shower and then I can introduce you to my ally.”

“Whatever,” Harry said, not realizing the blond meant that they should shower together until he was climbing under the spray with Harry. 

And.  Well.

He’d already shoved his dick up Harry’s ass.  It wasn’t like there was a lot of mystery left between them.    

-:-:-:-:-:-

“I’m gonna be teleporting us to another kingdom,” the blond explained when they’d redressed, nice and clean from the shower. “So I’ll probably be a little tired when we get there.  Let me do the talking though.  And um, don’t freak out.”

“Ye know who I am, right?” Harry said, motioning to his red coat. “I don’t exactly get scared.”

“Cool, cool, cool,” the prince said, repeating the word in a mindless rapid fire while he steadied himself. “I’m not worried about you being afraid, exactly.  Maybe angry?  Or maybe not, I dunno.”

“Can we just do this?” Harry drawled, because he was as clear-headed as he was going to get with this stupid enchantment.  Now that he’d been sated, he’d at least get another eight hours before things started getting hazy again. 

“Yep,” the prince said, snagging Harry’s hand like that was a normal thing. “Let me just-”

A flash of light, and they were in a very pink room.

There was also a very pink princess sitting on another bed that looked stupidly soft, who was blinking up from her sketchbook with a slight scowl.

“Audrey!” the blond cheered before Harry or the princess could get a word in edge-wise. “I brought Harry!  Also, this is Harry!”

“I know that,” the princess said, setting her sketchbook aside. “Why did you bring Harry?”

Harry had re-met the princess at the barrier celebration.  He’d danced with her mostly out of panic, because things had changed and Uma hadn’t given him any new orders, had left him and Harry didn’t want to be left again so he’d defaulted to his flirtations, had danced with the pink princess because no one else would get within ten feet of her. 

Well, Blondie had, but he’d been waylaid by noble King Ben or something.

Point was, they sort of knew each other, just not much. 

“He needs our help!” the blond chirped, dragging Harry over towards the bed.  Which reminded Harry that they were still holding hands. “He-”

“Wait,” Harry interrupted, holding up a hand to shut the blond up. “She’s your ally?”

“You got a problem with that, asshole?” the princess asked, her eyes narrowed in challenge, and-

Well, Harry was a bit weak towards foul-mouthed ladies.  It was what had drawn him to Uma early on. 

“Of course she’s my ally,” Blondie explained with a grin, tugging Harry to sit down next to him on the other side of the bed.  This one was stupidly soft too. “Audrey and I have been best friends forever!”

“Because your grandfather couldn’t tell the heir to three kingdoms to fuck off,” Audrey muttered, pulling her sketchbook back into her lap.

“She didn’t mean to go scepter crazy,” the blond continued, oblivious to the way the princess tensed. “But her grandmas are really mean to her-”

“Chad,” the princess warned, finally enlightening Harry as to the blond’s actual name.

“Well, they are,” Chad huffed. “They sent Audrey away to a crazy princess school for a year so she could get good enough ‘win Ben back’, but she’s already good-”

“Chad!” the princess cut in, her voice harsher. “Fuck off.  He doesn’t want to hear my life story.”

“I think I can make that call for myself, thanks,” Harry snapped, feeling unjustly defensive on behalf of the stupid blond. “Ye think I don’t know a thing or two about shitty family members?”

The princess blinked, as though not expecting Harry to make the comparison, then seemed to look at him with a renewed consideration.  “What do you need help with?”

“A curse!” the blond chirped before Harry could get in a word edgewise. “He’s been cursed to get super horny.”

There was a distinct pause where Harry was flummoxed by the poor delivery of his stupid enchantment, and then the princess was scowling.

“Chad,” she snapped. “What have I told you about blindly believing people just because you think they’re good?  And you-” She turned her glare onto Harry.  “He might be a dipshit, but how dare you try to take advantage of him-”

“He didn’t!” Chad interrupted, shoving himself between them. “I’m not lying, Audrey!  He was actually cursed-”

“Yeah,” the princess scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Sure.  And the only way he can find a cure is if you stick your hand down his pants.”

“No,” Chad urged. “The only way to cure it is if he sleeps with nine people, just look at his bracelet.  And he can’t even masturbate until it’s broken-”

“Uh-huh,” Audrey said, tossing her sketchbook aside and shoving to her feet. “Get out.”

“But Audrey-” Chad protested as he rose to follow her, Harry already standing so as not to be at a height disadvantage.

“Not you, Chad,” the princess hissed. “Him.  And if you dare approach Chad again-”

“He wasn’t lying!” Chad insisted, getting flustered. “Look-” He moved beside Harry, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Fuck off, blondie,” Harry said, trying to shake from his stubborn hold. “She doesn’t-”

“Harry,” Chad said, those blue eyes locked on his. “You’re very pretty.”

The result was instantaneous.  Stupidly so. 

Immediately, Harry was hard, his breath coming in rough pants and his cheeks flooded with warmth as he slumped against Chad’s side, his legs seeming to refuse to hold him up. 

“…holy shit,” the princess said, looking at Harry with a blatant curiosity. “Get him on the bed, Chad.”

“Fucking fuck,” Harry snarled, struggling weakly against Chad’s hold. “Ye fucking shit.”

“Sorry,” Chad murmured as he pushed Harry back against the princess’s pillows. “But she wasn’t going to believe us without a demonstration.  I um- well, people trick me a lot.”

“Because they’re stupid,” Audrey snapped, perching on the side of the bed so that Harry was bracketed by both of them. “What was it about his bracelet again?”

“Oh.” Chad blinked, then pointed to it. “Look.  I’ve slept with him, so one of the diamonds is blue.  I think we need to get all of them to change colors so this doesn’t happen anymore.”

As he spoke, he started undoing Harry’s pants, sneaking a hand into his underwear so he could fondle the pirate directly.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Harry panted, shifting into his clever fingers. “Please-”

“It’s okay,” Chad assured him, pressing kisses against Harry’s neck. 

“So what?” Audrey continued. “You brought him here to fuck me?”

“Nope.” Chad shook his head. “Other way around.”

A thoughtful look crossed the princess’ face. 

“You still have that strap-on, right?” Chad asked, moving his hand faster. “Could you-?”

“Yep,” Audrey interrupted with a grin, already bouncing up from the bed. “Fuck yes, I can do that.”

“She got it for Ben,” Chad explained, sneaking his other hand under Harry’s shirt so he could play with his nipples. “Because we were both pretty sure he was into anal but he was too embarrassed to ever try.”

“Mal’s problem now,” Audrey murmured with slightly less bitterness than Harry would have expected, and then she seemed to be stripping out of her light sundress to reveal a pink matching bra and panty set while she dug through a hidden drawer in her dresser. “She can deal with his stupid repression.”

“I think she might be repressed too, actually,” Chad mused, because apparently these were the kinds of conversation they had. “Which is surprising, considering how close she seems with her friends.”

“Whatever,” Audrey said, strapping a belt with a sort of plastic protrusion jutting off of it to her waist.  She grabbed a bottle of lubricant before coming back towards the bed in a prowl. “They’re a perfect match.  Just like we’re about to be.”

“Are you wet?” Chad asked, turning Harry’s head so they could share a few kisses.  “Back there?”

“Y-Yes,” Harry panted, the slick feeling building between his cheeks unmistakable.

“You won’t have to stretch him,” Chad informed Audrey as he began pulling off Harry’s coat.  “She knows how to do that, though,” Chad said, aiming this at Harry. “She practiced on me to make sure she could do it for Ben.”

“Fat load of good that was,” Audrey muttered as she began slathering the protrusion with lubricant. 

“I mean, we had fun,” Chad offered with a grin. “It’s really Ben’s loss.  Audrey is great at pegging.”

Harry had no idea what he was talking about, but there was not one, but two royals working to rid him of his clothes.  Chad seemed determined to keep kissing Harry, who couldn’t help but melt into the attention every time it was given.  It was how he let the blond guide Harry onto his hands and knees, a vulnerable position he that made him uneasy until he felt the princess’s hands curl around his hips.

“Oh wow,” Audrey breathed, thumbing Harry’s slick entrance with something like reverence. “You’re so wet, baby.”

“That’s part of the curse,” Chad informed her. “Please be nice, Audrey.”

“I’m always nice,” Audrey drawled, and then she was pushing that protrusion into Harry, who took it with a prolonged moan. 

“Fuck, fuck, yes, please,” Harry found himself babbling, rocking back to meet her.  “Please, I-”

He found himself lowering his chest to the bed, his ass sticking up like a sort of offering, and that was horrifying enough, but his impromptu action left his face level with the prince’s crotch.

He should be humiliated, furious.  He should be better.

Instead, his mouth started to water, and he scrambled to undo the blond’s pants, mouthing at his underwear as soon as he was given the opportunity.

“Eager beaver, aren’t you?” the princess soothed, beginning to slowly rut in and out of Harry. “You’re doing good, baby.  Just like that.  You’re so pretty for us.”

Harry whined against the prince’s groin, Chad shuddering above him, and it didn’t take much for Harry to shove the stupid underwear out of the way so he could get a mouthful of that pretty pink dick.

Fuck.  Fuck.  Harry had done this a hundred times before, but never for pleasure.  It was always a tool to barter, a weapon to yield against idiots who thought with their dick.  Harry had helped keep the crew fed with his clever mouth – not that he’d ever let Uma know.  She always thought he stole the money.

Harry didn’t have the heart to tell her that his fingers weren’t as nimble as Jay’s.

This though, was different.  This was Harry taking someone apart for no other reason than the fact that he could, and he wanted those delicious moans to keep spilling from Chad’s mouth while he was being filled, Audrey rocking against that spot that made Harry throb every time.

“Just like that, baby,” Audrey would coo, making Harry shudder because he sure as shit wasn’t anyone’s baby. “Right there.  You feel so good, so tight for me.”

“Harry,” Chad moaned, a hand loosely curling through the pirate’s short hair. “Harry- fuck, you feel so good.  It feels so good, I’ve never- fuck-”  

“You made him curse, sweetheart,” Audrey drawled, her manicured hands giving Harry’s thigh a careful pet. “I think that deserves a reward.”

Her hand shifted, reaching between Harry’s legs to give him a firm pump, and Harry felt himself lose it, coating those perfect fingers in his retched misdeeds.

“Huh,” Audrey mused while she guided Harry through it, the pirate moaning around Chad’s length. “That didn’t take much.”

“T-That’s just the first time,” Chad gasped. “He’s still got two more.”

“Huh,” Audrey repeated, and got back to work. 

Harry was hard again by the time he got Chad to climax, and happily continued to swallow him down to start the process all over again.

“Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry,” the prince chanted, his words getting less coherent the more Harry teased oversensitive flesh. “P-Please, I- ah-”

“So generous,” Audrey soothed, giving the pirate another firm squeeze that made him shake. “Such a lovely sweetheart for us.  Keep coming, baby, we’re here for you.”

“Fuck,” was Chad’s articulate response. 

In the end, Audrey fucked two orgasms out of Harry (the pirate coaxing two from Chad himself) before she pushed the pirate onto his back.  His chest was coated in his release and he whined, though he didn’t even have the decency to do it from embarrassment.  He felt empty, still ready to go while Chad placated him with soft kisses against his neck.

“Don’t worry, lovely,” Audrey said, rooting through her drawer again as she removed the strap on. “I’ve got a better treat for you.”

“Fucking- ye don’t have to call me that shit,” Harry said, his voice rough from enthusiastic blowjobs.

“Why?” Chad asked, entirely innocent. “You like it.”

“Don’t think we missed that,” Audrey hummed as she walked back to the bed, spreading out next to Harry. “We only pretend to be dumb, but you like being our sweetheart, so that’s what you’re going to be.”

“There’s nothing sweet about me,” Harry spat, feeling defensive.

“The two blowjobs you just gave Chad beg to differ,” Audrey mused. “Now, knees up.”

“Why?” Harry asked, even though he bent his knees accordingly, let his feet stay pressed flat to the bed.

“Because I’ve got a new present for you,” Audre sang, holding up another lube-slicked rod that seemed slightly bigger than the strap on.  “Here,” she said, easing it into him.  Harry barely felt the stretch, but he did clamp down on it with a vengeance, as was his new whore way.  “This, my dear, is a vibrator.  Which means-”

Harry wasn’t sure what happened, only that the thing inside him began buzzing in rapid movements, shuddering against the delicate planes of his insides until he was writhing hard against the bed.

“Fuck- please,” he groaned, grabbing for Chad’s hand when tears of pleasure pooled at the corners of his eyes. “P-Please, just-”

“No,” Audrey hummed, intercepting their hands before they could reach Harry’s dick.  She pinned the pirate’s wrists over his head and he felt too weak to stop it, to do anything but hold on for the ride. “You lie back and enjoy it.”

“It’s too- too much, I can’t-”

“You can,” Chad said, painfully earnest as he spread out on Harry’s other side, kissing his cheek, his neck. “You can and you will.  You’re doing such a great job.”

“Yeah, you are,” Audrey soothed, kissing his shoulder.  A princess was kissing his shoulder. “You took my dick so well, sweetie.  You can do this too.”

“Ah- ah-” Harry’s breath caught, arousal building into a furious thing before it exploded in his chest, the vibrator shoving furiously against that one spot until Harry was completely undone.

He fell apart without either of them touching his dick, messy spurts that had him thrashing in their grasps. 

“Fuck,” Harry snarled, overwhelmed tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. “Fuck.  Fuck.”

“So good,” Audrey said, and finally her hand was around his length again, milking him for all he was worth. “Such a good job, baby.  You’re so good for us.”

“The best,” Chad agreed, and they kept fucking doting on Harry until it was finally over, until Audrey reached between his legs and removed the stupid vibrator.

“Wow,” Audrey said when they collapsed against the bed, one hand buried in her panties. “That was intense.”

“Yeah,” Chad agreed, nuzzling the pirate’s hair. “Hey um… maybe next time we should use the color system.”

“Ah, fuck,” Audrey sighed, letting her head fall back as she worked herself up. “My bout with evil must have made me fucking stupid.  I knew I forgot something.”

“Next time,” Chad hummed, wrapping himself around Harry. “He needs attention every like- eight hours or so in order for him to function normally.”

“Yesss,” Audrey hissed, her mouth falling open in a low groan as she found her own satisfaction. “Sounds like I just found something to do during my house arrest.”

“Literally,” Chad giggled, and Harry would take an annoyed swipe at the fucker if he wasn’t so fucking satisfied.  “Hey, look at his bracelet.”

“What?” Audrey asked, pulling her hand out of her panties and leaning over to get a better look. 

Harry used the last of his strength to hold his wrist up for their perusal, and discovered that the second diamond was now a stupid shade of pink that sparkled next to the dumb blue one.

“Huh,” Audrey said. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Two down,” Chad mused. “Seven more to go.”

“This is fucking stupid,” Harry gasped, trying to marvel at how his world had come to this. “Why the hell are ye helping me?”

“Chad’s got this hero worship thing,” Audrey offered with a shrug. “And I don’t really have anything else to do, so.”

“Also, we like you!” Chad added with a grin. “You danced with Audrey when no one else would!”

“Because his captain scorned him,” Audrey muttered, sufficiently summarizing that interaction with freakish accuracy.

“But he still did it!” Chad cheered. “And we decided that counts.  Now, let’s get cleaned up.”

“You two shower,” Audrey ordered.  “I’ll run a bath and we can cuddle.  Maybe learn more about our baby boy.”

“I am not your baby boy,” Harry snapped, feeling flustered.

“Sure, you are.” Audrey grinned, something mischievous, but definitely not evil. “Why are you fighting this?  We both know you like pet names.”

“And we promise we won’t tell anyone else about them,” Chad offered solemnly. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Yeah,” Audrey said, her mouth setting in a frown. “Seriously, fuck anyone who judges us for however we find comfort.  They’re stupid.”

“Hear, hear!” Chad cheered, and then he was lugging Harry towards yet another fancy bathroom, a fucking princess swaying along behind them.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Audrey had few compunctions with stripping out of her clothes and joining Chad and Harry in the bathtub, which Harry tried not to freak out over because Chad was one thing – the guy was essentially Gil but also not – but Audrey was essentially Uma, and Harry had no place sharing this kind of privacy with his captain.

Audrey did not give a shit about Harry’s reservations.  The pirate was beginning to suspect she didn’t give a shit about most things.

“So,” Audrey said as she carefully rubbed something called a makeup wipe against Harry’s face, determined to clean up the mess that was his ‘smokey eye’ or whatever. “Ben has you staying at Auradon Castle.”

“He invited the captain,” Harry said, needing to establish some kind of order. “She brought me and Gilly to keep us out of the public eye since we helped save Auradon or whatever.  I think she’s worried about us fucking up the reputations of the Isle kids and setting things back.”

“She also could have missed you,” Chad offered, pressing a kiss to Harry’s shoulder.  He did that, even when they weren’t fucking.  Damn weirdo. “Since she hasn’t seen you in over a year.”

“Captain’s not sentimental,” Harry drawled.  If she had been, she wouldn’t have been so quick to dump Harry once they got over to Auradon. 

That was always the way of their relationship, though.  Harry was always going to be more invested in her than she was in him.

“I wouldn’t judge her so quickly,” Audrey hummed, motioning for Harry to shut his eyes so she could get his upper lids. “We all have our survival mechanisms.  Uma probably didn’t want to freak you out by coming on too strong.”

“Captain’s never had to worry about my feelings,” Harry murmured, a tight feeling growing in his chest. 

He didn’t like talking about his relationship with Uma.  He didn’t like talking about his relationship with anyone.

“Well,” Audrey said when she finished her efforts, tapping Harry’s cheek so he could open his eyes. “You have an entirely new world open to you.  Who knows what will happen now?”

“After we break his curse,” Chad said, thankfully taking over the conversation before Harry could panic over things like the future.  Harry did not need to think of a world off the Isle, he was pretty sure he wasn’t ready for it.

“That’s right,” Audrey said, taking the bait with a thoughtful hum.  “Well, one dip in the Enchanted Lake-”

“That won’t work,” Chad said, repeating the information Harry had already given him about that stupid lake he’d never heard of, and strangely enough, Audrey simply took him at his word, nodding in thought.

“Okay then, we do things the old-fashioned way,” Audrey declared. “That shouldn’t be hard though.  You’re hot.  And I could probably hire some escorts – discreet ones, of course – to help get you back to normal.”

“Oh, that’s just the thing,” Chad cut in. “Harry doesn’t really like having sex.  Or um… being vulnerable, I guess.”

Harry tensed, but didn’t deny this.

“Huh,” Audrey said, head tilted as she got lost in consideration. “Why did you have sex with Chad?”

“I- he found me,” Harry said, voice tight. “I didn’t go looking for him.”

“And then Chad brought you to me,” Audrey mused. “…it needs to happen with people you’re comfortable around.”

“What makes ye think I’m comfortable around ye?” Harry snapped, despite being willingly naked in a tub with her.  

Audrey aimed an unimpressed look at Harry, confirming the fact that he was very much screwed.  She had his number. 

“You trusted Chad enough to let him bring you here,” she pointed out. “You trusted Chad enough to let him fuck you, enough to let him bring you to someone he thought could help.  So obviously, some level of comfort and trust is involved.  So maybe we should start looking at your friends.”

“Oh yeah.” Chad snapped his fingers together like he just remembered something. “Harry doesn’t do friends.”

“Of course,” Audrey groaned, letting her head fall back in despair. “Why would he make it easy?  Would it be a curse if it was easy?”

“Step one,” Chad cheered. “We get you friends!  And then step two, we’ll try to fuck them.”

“And in the meantime, Chad and I will satisfy you,” Audrey decided, sighing once more for good measure. “The things I do for sexy pirates.”

“Ye two are fucking lunatics,” Harry marveled when he could think of nothing else to say.

“Yeah,” Audrey giggled, curling into Harry’s side. “Tell me about it.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

“What about Uma?” Audrey asked, selecting a new makeup brush while she walked the pirate through how to really do a smokey eye.  “She seems invested in your wellbeing.  She spent the past year and a half trying to get back to you guys – granted in like, incredibly unsuccessful ways, but the intent was there.”

Harry decided to ignore the second part in favor of focusing on the first. “I can’t have sex with the captain,” he growled, hoping if he put up a strong enough front now, Audrey wouldn’t argue with him on this. “She’s my fucking captain.  I might be evil, but I respect the chain of authority.  I’m a damn professional.”

“First off, you’re not evil,” Audrey said, smacking him lightly up the side of his head. “You literally just saved Auradon.  I realize it’s a big adjustment to go from grooming for the worst your entire life to suddenly being a good guy, but you’re going to need to figure that out before Ben starts having press conferences.”

“That said,” Chad chirped, looking up from where he was painting Harry’s nails (Harry would have protested, but the black was a deep, matte thing that was bound to hide any dirt or blood under his nails, and the accent red matched his coat). “Your deference to your crew’s hierarchy is admirable, and we can totally respect that.”

“Even if Uma would totally bang you,” Audrey grumbled, pointing to a dark grey color next to the almost-black color, because apparently in Auradon you did this with more than one eyeshadow. “Okay, how about Gil?  He seems super agreeable.”

“He’s my crewmate,” Harry snapped. “And the big idiot would read into it the wrong way.  Think we were going steady or whatever the fuck ye do over here.”

“Fucking shit, man,” Audrey said as she began to lightly dust the hallow of Harry’s eye. “I feel like you’re making this harder than it needs to be.”

“Safe space, Audrey,” Chad reminded her with an innocent hum. “Harry doesn’t need to have sex with anyone he doesn’t want to.”

“Even if that would make this easier,” Audrey grumbled.

“Yes.” Chad nodded, tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he focused on Harry’s pinky nail. “Even if it would make this easier.”

“Alright,” Audrey moved on before Harry could growl at them again. “What about… I dunno, Jay?  He’s single.”

“He’s fucking Jay,” Harry sighed. “Back on the Isle, Mal was captain’s rival, and Jay was mine.  I don’t care if we’re supposed to be nice to them now, I’m not letting that asshole stick his dick in me.  He’d be smug about it forever.”

“You’re right,” Audrey said, a little scowl tugging at her lips. “I always thought that guy was a shit.”

“You only think that ‘cuz he’s mean to me sometimes,” Chad said, ducking his head as a light blush grew over his cheeks.  “I um- I might have had like, a tiny crush on him in high school.”

“But Jay’s a dumbass fuckface so he never noticed,” Audrey finished bitterly, snatching up a different eyeshadow. “So no sex for that guy.”

“What about Evie?” Chad said. “She’s super nice.”

“She thinks gumballs are the solution to far more problems than they ever will be,” Audrey grumbled. “But yeah, she’s nice.”

“She’s a fucking princess,” Harry pressed, harsh enough to make Audrey pause, the brunette lifting an unimpressed brow at him. “Ye were an accident.  I’m not going to purposefully go up to fucking royalty and ask her to drill my brains out.  Uma would have my head.”

“Isle politics,” Audrey said, letting out another despairing sigh. “Ugh.”

“Oh, hey,” Chad spoke up, grinning at them eagerly. “What about Doug?”

“Your roommate, Doug?” Audey echoed. “The cutie patootie you were too scared to talk to?”

“I mean…” Chad’s flush darkened while Harry puzzled over the phrase ‘cutie patootie’. “Yeah.  I know he and Evie have been circling each other for a while, but like- if they haven’t sealed the deal yet…”

“Mayhaps Harry can get some of that sweet dwarf dick,” Audrey mused.  “Doug is relatively harmless in the grand scheme of things.”

“And he’s nice!” Chad continued. “He likes jazz music and researching magic and if you asked, I bet he’d totally keep your secret.”

“And also fuck you,” Audrey added with a wink. “He doesn’t have any political power, so Uma probably wouldn’t care if you fucked him.”

At this point, Harry was running out of options.  Even though he wasn’t sure who exactly they were talking about, ‘nice’ and ‘bookish’ generally indicated a shyer sort of person, but…

“He’s after Evie?” Harry asked, trying to keep his voice casual.  If Doug’s sights were aimed that high, he might be full of himself.

Audrey rolled her eyes. “She’s out of his league,” she drawled. “Granted, you’re out of his league.”

“Jane would be in his league,” Chad chirped. “Because she is also nice and sweet and organized.”

“Now if only she wasn’t fluttering around Carlos,” Audrey mused. “Hey, maybe you can fuck her next.”

“I think Jane’s too shy for that,” Chad said, his brows furrowed in thought while Harry’s mind stumbled over the picture of that blue-eyed beauty from the forest. “On second thought, Doug might be too.”

“Well,” Audrey decided. “We’ll just have to find a way to work up their courage.”        

-:-:-:-:-:-

“This is stupid,” Harry grumbled when he allowed Chad to drag him into public the next day, his eye makeup safely Audrey-approved and clothes an amalgamation of Auardon gifts and his usual Isle clothes.  “What the fuck are we doing again?”

“It’s a concert,” Chad chirped, eagerly guiding Harry through the crowds. 

They were sticking near the edges, which was a relief for Harry.  Conceptually, he enjoyed the pretty green space of the park Chad had brought them to, but there were too many open sightlines for Harry to be truly at ease, even if everyone’s focus seemed to be fixed on an octagonal looking structure in the middle of the park.  The thing was entirely made of wood with railings that went up to waist height.  Other than that, though, it seemed to be completely open, making it functionally useless.  He supposed it would protect from the rain, though.

“Doug’s in the jazz band,” Chad continued, nudging Harry towards a large, shady tree. “They decided to get together to put on a concert series to celebrate the destruction of the barrier.  Mostly, I think they wanted to give the Isle refugees something nice that was free and relatively unintimidating.”

“They’re going to play music?” Harry surmised, looking over the selection of performers gathered under the structure, fiddling with instruments that shined in the light of the sun instead of looking moldy and dented like the ones back on the Isle.

“Yep,” Chad said. “And we’re going to listen, and then when it’s over, we’ll go over and compliment Doug and like, take him out for celebratory ice cream, and it won’t be weird because there’s two of us.”

“You are stupidly optimistic,” Harry grumbled, wondering what world they could live in where this wouldn’t be weird. “Which one is he?”

“Green suit,” Chad said, pointing towards one of the trumpet players. “With the ponytail.  I think he’s growing it out to be cool, I don’t know.”

Harry wasn’t sure if long hair would help improve the ‘coolness’ of Chad’s roommate, but Harry did find himself struck with the urge to tangle his fingers in it, use it as an anchor while he rocked himself in that little nerd’s lap.

Fuck. 

“Yeah,” Chad hummed when he saw Harry’s flushed expression. “He’s really cute.”

Thankfully they didn’t have time to ruminate on this fact before the concert began.  Harry hadn’t been expecting much, used to the off-key wailing from the bands thrown together back on the Isle, the few that survived long enough to make their living in pubs when the well-provided needed some form of idle entertainment.  It didn’t take him long to realize that this was about as far from that as it could get.  The sounds were cleaner, more carefully intended.  There were harmonies and dynamics, changes in rhythm executed in a synchronicity that indicated hours of practice.  Of care. 

Harry found himself mesmerized, watching Doug play his instrument, listening to the bouncing jazz music until he was patting a hand against his side, trying to follow that beat, trying to capture that moment forever.

When it was finally finished, he had to shake himself out of his trance, looking over only to find Chad grinning at him like a lunatic. “You liked it then?”

“It was fine,” Harry scoffed, flushing at having been caught enjoying something so much. “Let’s go talk to your roommate, then.”

“Ex-roommate,” Chad corrected, seeming a little sad about this fact.  “Come on, let’s catch him before he goes.”

Chad didn’t wait for Harry’s response, moving forward so that the first mate was forced to follow after him.  They ended up gathering near the wooden structure, the band packing up their instruments and exchanging small talk with the people that had come to see them.

“Doug!” Chad greeted, too loud for their close proximity, making their target jump. “You sounded awesome.  Hey um- have you met Harry?” He gestured to the pirate with one of his easy smiles. “I brought him so he could listen to Auradon music.  Harry-” He turned that stupidly bright grin onto the pirate. “Tell him how much you enjoyed the music!”

Harry was beginning to realize why Chad had so few friends.  The guy was a nightmare in social interactions, and that was coming from Harry.

Still, he couldn’t just stand there like a schmuck, even though he wanted to because those green eyes were threatening to kill him. “It was um- good,” Harry murmured, ducking his head. “Very good.”

“Harry’s shy,” Chad whispered somewhat conspiratorially to the musician who still seemed kind of confused as to why they were there.

“I’m fucking not, ye shitbag,” Harry hissed, baring his teeth in a growl.

“Safe space,” Chad replied, as though that made any sense.

At this point, Doug seemed to have decided that they actually were there to see him, and they weren’t leaving anytime soon. “Hi Chad,” he offered with a small wave. “Um… Harry.  I’m glad you enjoyed the concert.”

Before Chad could further destroy the conversation, who of all people showed up except Evie, who looked prim and lovely as always, seeming unbothered by the summer heat in her tasteful layers.

“Chad, Harry,” she greeted, hiding her confusion at their appearance fairly well. “You guys came too?”

“I wanted to show Harry Auradon music,” Chad explained once more. “Figured the best place to start was with my cool friend, Doug.”

“Right…” Doug said, shifting uneasily. “Cool.”

Harry closed his eyes, wishing the ground would swallow him whole.  From this point on, he was tracking down his sex obligations on his own.  Chad was fucking shit at it.   

“It’s the hair,” Harry offered when even princess struggled to move on.

Doug blinked those fucking green eyes at him. “What?”

“Your hair,” Harry repeated, trying not to grit his teeth. “That makes ye cool.”

Doug considered this for a moment, and then very notably blushed. 

Were Harry back on the Isle and not enchanted, he would have taken this opportunity to flirt unashamedly to try and work things to his advantage, whether to get information or act as a distraction or maybe get something in exchange for letting a simpering girl feel up his arm.

Unfortunately, Harry was living in a new reality where he was trying to make friends (just the thought of it made him want to throw himself off a cliff), so instead of falling back on any of his previous behaviors, he just sort of floundered awkwardly. 

“Also, your music skills!” Chad added. “And, you know, the fact that you were valedictorian was pretty cool.”

“Valedict-what?” Harry asked, trying to sound out the word in his head.

“Valedictorian,” Evie repeated, her grin small and gentle. “It means he was the smartest one in our class.”

“At like, Auradon things, right?” Harry pressed. “Like math and reading and shit- not like…” He trailed off, gesturing loosely towards the Isle, where they were judged on being evil.

“Yeah,” Evie said, her expression softening. “At Auradon stuff.”

Harry felt his shoulders relax. “That’s good.  I mean-”

“Yeah,” Evie repeated, but her eyes seemed understanding. “I know what you mean.”

“We were um- going to go get some ice cream,” Chad said, cutting in before Harry could discover more awkward pauses. “Would you guys like to join us?”

‘You guys’, as in- did he want to include the princess?

“Sure,” Evie said, sharing a smile with Doug (who was still blushing, like he wanted Harry to come undone right there).  “That would be nice, guys.” She fell in line with Harry, hooking a hand through the crook of his arm like he was royal or some shit. “It would be good to catch up.”

“Um.  Sure,” Harry said, trying to find a new balance between hero and barbarian and failing greatly. “Let’s do that.”

“Yeah, we will!” Chad chirped, and when Harry looked over his shoulder, the blond had successfully hooked his arm through Doug’s and was dragging him along with a peppy bounce in his step, Doug seeming helplessly confused as to how he’d gotten to this point.

Well, that made two of them.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Getting ice cream was awkward, because Harry had never had any and was vastly suspicious of the gloopy creation, but Evie assured him it was good and made a determined effort to have him try a dozen or so free samples before Harry eventually picked one so she’d stop touching his arm.  He could feel Audrey and Chad’s attentions from the day before beginning to fade away and if he wasn’t careful, he’d end up kneeling at her feet, humping her leg like the stupid dog he was.  

The only bright side was that Doug seemed as awkward as Harry, seemingly confused as to why these three people wanted to hang out with him.  Chad was generally good at prompting stories from him, and while the green-eyed beauty seemed bashful about sharing them, he eventually would with an encouraging smile from Evie.

“Sorry,” he murmured when they were scraping the bottom of their bowls. “This is probably pretty boring.”

His gaze flickered over to Harry before settling on his bowl, like he specifically thought the first mate was uninterested.

“Fucking shit, man,” Harry said, not one to soften the blow. “Half the stuff you’re talking about I’ve never heard of.  ‘Course I want to know about it.”

That didn’t seem to make Doug feel more at ease, Evie’s smile dimming when she remembered the atrocities of the Isle, not that this was Harry’s intention.

Fuck.  He’d always been lousy with words.

“You should tell us about Hanover holidays tomorrow,” Chad said helpfully, trying to cut the tension.

“Tomorrow?” Doug echoed, confused.

“After the next concert?” Chad pressed. “We can get more ice cream.”

“Okay,” Evie declared, seeming pleased by the prospect. “But I’m paying.”

“Fine by me, honeybee,” Chad said, firing off a truly tragic set of finger guns.

Harry gave up and hid his face in his hands, but Doug seemed to be laughing, so maybe things were okay.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They spent the rest of the week like that.  Harry was treated to new pieces of music and Chad started keeping a list of the ones he thought Harry enjoyed the most because he was a nosy shit.  After the second concert, Evie started standing with them, trading small talk between songs before all three of them could congratulate Doug together after the fact, Chad’s roommate getting less and less shy with each passing visit.

It turned out, he was actually quite funny. 

And Harry hated that fact, because now he was cute and hilarious and had a smile that made Evie light up and made Harry fill with warmth and it was all kind of awful.

“Hey,” Doug said one day, looking up from the giant sundae Evie had insisted on getting so Harry could taste each of the toppings in action. “You got a little…”

He motioned to Harry’s lip, a pale flush dusting across the bridge of his nose.  They were in a corner booth this time, Harry and Doug shoved in the middle with Chad and Evie flanking them.  Harry reached up, trying to thumb at whatever Doug could be talking about, and froze when the other teen reached up with a napkin, carefully dabbing Harry’s lip. 

He didn’t even really touch Harry, but it was enough to make the first mate fill with a sudden heat, hating old witches and the universe and his own stupid self for allowing himself to be cornered in the first place.

“Wow,” Chad said later, when he was giving Harry a handjob in the bathroom. “You really like him, huh?”

“Fuck off, Chad,” Harry snarled, the fierce noise biting off into a whimper when the blond kissed him, so-

Yeah.  Hooray friendship.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Harry wasn’t worried, exactly, by the time the last concert had ended.  He wasn’t worried about not having an excuse to see Doug and Evie anymore, to laugh at the princess getting whipped cream on her nose or to listen to Doug’s adventures in marching band, he just felt… uneasy. 

Yeah, he was uneasy.

It was an uneasiness that followed them to their last visit to the ice cream shop, claiming the corner booth that had somehow become their own.  Harry was trying to soak up the moment, had ushered Chad to the inside so he could watch the blond interact with Doug, always enthusiastic and brilliant as always, when Evie cleared her throat.

“Here,” she said, sliding over a flat, rectangular item – a clear, glassy screen surrounded by black and red plastic. “Ben’s been meaning to get all of you one of these.  It’s a phone, we use them to communicate with each other here.  You can also take pictures and video, send texts-”

“What?” Harry felt overwhelmed and confused, for all that he’d seen plenty of those Auradon schmucks staring down at these things as though entranced, walking around with them glued to their ears, seemingly talking to no one.

“Cell phone crash course!” Chad cheered, leaning against Harry’s side. “Let’s finish this up and then we can teach you the different ways you can stay in touch with us!”

Oh.  Oh. 

Harry shot Evie a look he hoped was causal, just- a nonchalant perusal, and was met with a knowing grin, the princess even going so far as to wink.

Harry only blushed because it made her feel superior, and if she felt in control it would make her more likely to slip up for his future needs, whatever those may be. 

It was totally tactical.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They spent an hour on a bench in the park, the other three giving Harry their numbers so he could call or text them at any time.  Evie showed him how to take pictures and videos.  Doug showed him how to initiate video chats, and Chad showed him how to download games onto his phone that he could play when he got bored. 

He had a game cabinet in his pocket.

“Don’t worry,” Evie said when Harry might have gotten overwhelmed. “Gil and Uma already have theirs.  In fact-” She did something with her phone, and a text popped up on Harry’s screen. “There’s their contact information, so you can call them too.”

“Fucking Auradon,” Harry said, trying to keep the awe from his tone.

He probably didn’t succeed because Evie laughed, but at least it seemed like a supportive thing. “Yeah,” she agreed.  “It’s pretty wild.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

The phone was a marvel for many reasons, but it also proved to be a bane because now Harry could be minding his own business and suddenly get a text from Evie – the princess taking a picture of herself with puckered lips, or he’d be trying to train and Doug would shyly forward him a joke he thought was funny and Chad, as though Harry didn’t see him all the damn time anyway, felt absolutely no need to filter himself in any capacity, and unleashed a deluge of pictures and questions and phone calls in Harry’s direction at any given time.

And then he went and gave Audrey his number too, so Harry was set upon with texts that demanded photos of his smokey eye efforts, the princess calling him just to shoot the shit or send pictures of herself in provocative positions when she knew damn well Harry couldn’t masturbate.

Ugh, she was so wicked. 

Harry found he liked her quite a lot.

“Ye gotta fucking stop,” he snarled into the phone when he was locked inside his bathroom, waiting for Chad to show up so he could get some blessed relief.

“Never, lovely.  My pretty boy.  My pretty wet boy who’s making his underwear positively soaked.”

“You’re a fucking witch, Audrey,” Harry groaned, his hips rutting frustratingly into the air as his length throbbed new beads of slick into his clothes.

“What would Doug think if he saw you?” Audrey tittered. “Can you imagine him sliding a hand into your pants, all flushed and bashful?  He wouldn’t know what to do with you, get embarrassed by how hard he was at the sight of you-”

“Fucking hell,” Harry moaned, pressing his head back against the cool tile.  “He wouldn’t do that.”

“Nah, he’d never be that bold,” Audrey agreed. “You’d just have to corner him.  Take your clothes off and present that pretty ass to him and maybe he would get the picture.” She paused, thoughtful. “Evie would probably have to be there to give him a pep talk.”

Harry moaned, long and loud, too worked up to be embarrassed by it.

“Like that?” Audrey giggled. “Of course you do, Evie’s so pretty.  A pretty princess for a pretty boy.”

“A-Audrey,” Harry whined. “Please.”

“It’s okay,” Audrey soothed, seeming strangely aware of when she was pushing for too much. “Chad should be there in a few minutes.  Can you hold on until then, sweetie?”

“Y-Yes, Audrey,” Harry moaned. “I’ll um- I can-”

“You’ll try, my good, sweet boy,” she murmured. “And I’m very proud of you for that.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed, another pulse of slick throbbing from his length.

“Almost,” Audrey said. “Almost.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

Considering how little time Harry spent at the castle (despite that being one of Uma’s few orders to him), it wasn’t a surprise that Harry rarely saw the others.  And he definitely didn’t see Evie, who had her own cottage and shit, until one day he did. 

It seemed real coincidental too, but Harry was pretty sure it wasn’t.

“Harry!” the princess greeted, taking the first mate by surprise as he aimlessly strolled through the castle gardens. “How’s it going?”

“Pretty well, princess,” Harry drawled, nice and slow. “And ye?”

“The same,” she chirped, light and cheerful. “Actually…” she began, cradling a soft sort of package in her hands. “I’ve been testing out my menswear designs, and I um- I made something for you.”

She pressed it into his hands, and only then did Harry register the red coat, the garment featuring metal accents that could be from the Isle, but everything was cleaner, nicer.

She’d made it for him.

“It’s just a sample,” Evie continued. “I made stuff for the others too, but I wanted to test out this new red fabric I had.”

“I um, I can’t-” Harry swallowed, pushing it back into her hands. “Ye have to give it to the captain.”

Evie froze, so used to Auradon that she’d forgotten, but Harry, he couldn’t forget, not with something like this.  Wearing one of Evie’s creations would mark him as hers, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  The only thing worse was if she’d made it in her own colors, but this- this was neutral, safe.  Harry’s colors, but her handiwork. 

If he wanted to keep something like this, something this high-quality, it’d have to go through the captain.  She had to approve.  There was no way Harry could accept a present this nice without her knowledge, it would make it look like he didn’t respect her.  Or worse, that he thought he was better than her.

There was a beat, but then Evie seemed to recover, her smile sliding back into place. “Of course, Harry,” she said, squeezing the coat close to her chest. “I’ll take this to Uma.” 

“Thank ye,” Harry said, trying to prove he wasn’t a complete animal, it just-

There was an order to things.  And Harry wasn’t so far gone that he’d lost it.

“It’s no problem,” Evie assured him, and she didn’t even seem to be lying.

Then again, the princess was one of the best liars on the Isle, so Harry would never really know, would he?

It wasn’t his place to think about it anyway.  No point in making a big deal over nothing.

He held onto that thought when she walked away, her head held high, back straight.  A true princess.

Sometimes, Harry wondered what the fuck he was doing with his life.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Princess made a gift for you, Harry,” Uma informed him in a low drawl the next evening. “Actually, she had gifts for all of us, but I haven’t fucking seen you around lately so you get yours last.”

Uma had been buried in paperwork and planning meetings for so long that Harry had begun to fear for her wellbeing.  He would have sought her out if he hadn’t taken it as a blessing in disguise, his captain wonderfully distracted while he was so stupidly afflicted.  It was a win-win situation, save for the fact that he didn’t get to see the most important person in his life on a regular basis.

Well, Harry was no stranger to sacrifice.

“Thank ye, captain,” Harry said, the manners earning a quirked brow from Uma before she shoved the fabric in his direction. “Much obliged.”

“Whatever,” Uma huffed, storming off before he could get another word in.

All for the best.

“Pictures,” Chad demanded when he and Audrey called Harry later. “We want all the pictures, Harry.”

“Perhaps in just the coat alone?” Audrey hummed, and then Chad was forced to teleport to Auradon because the princess couldn’t not instigate phone sex if her life depended on it.

On the bright side, Chad informed Harry that the coat did look quite dashing on him with his accessories.  Considering the fact that Harry was otherwise naked, it wasn’t a surprise when they were forced to instigate a round two.

So overall, the coat was an acceptable gift.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“What the fuck does this mean?” Harry asked, jamming his phone in Chad’s face as though the blond hadn’t already seen the group chat Doug had set up for the ‘Ice Cream Crew’, whatever that was.

“Um…” Chad squinted at the message, re-reading it so he could be sure to answer Harry’s question correctly.  He did that a lot.  “Looks like Evie’s inviting us to her place for a sleepover.”

“Why?” Harry growled. “We all have our own beds now.  I haven’t been sleeping outside.”

Uma hadn’t thrown him out in years.  He didn’t like the implication that Evie thought otherwise.

“Oh.” Chad blinked, the way he did when Harry was misreading Auradon culture stuff. “No, this is a nice thing.  She’s inviting us over so we can spend time with her, and it’s a sleepover so we don’t have to worry about going home when it’s dark so she can spend even more time with us.”

Harry considered this. “So it’s a good thing?”

“A great thing,” Chad confirmed.  “Go ahead and tell her we’re coming.”

“I can’t,” Harry sputtered. “I have to ask the captain.”

“Okay,” Chad said, taking out his own phone. “I’ll do it.  You know Uma won’t care.”

“She might,” Harry growled, flushing when Chad confirmed for the two of them.

“But she won’t,” Chad said. “Because she’s busy reforming the entire penal system by herself.  And you know what?  I think I’d like to see your pretty wet dick right now.”

“Chad,” Harry groaned, collapsing against the bed with a whine as a flood of heat immediately rampaged through his body. “C-Crafty fucker.”

“Yes,” Chad agreed, climbing onto the bed and nuzzling at Harry’s stomach while he moved to undo his pants. “That’s me, so crafty.  I’m gonna try and give you a blowjob again.”

“Killing me,” Harry grumbled when he was freed from his clothes. “Yer killing me.”

“But like, in the nicest way possible,” Chad chirped, and then he leaned forward, putting his clever mouth to work.

Chapter Text

On the day of the sleepover, Chad and Audrey thoroughly ravished the Harry until he couldn’t even think about the prospect of arousal.  Audrey looked over the bag he packed, sneaking in what she deemed to be more appropriate pajamas (apparently wearing his full clothes was a no-no, despite that being how Harry had spent every night on the Isle) before waving both of them off with a kiss. 

At Evie’s they played a board game Harry didn’t understand but somehow managed to win anyway before eating pizza (wonder of the gods, it was) and creating their own sundaes, Evie winking at them the entire time.  They ate dessert in her living room, watching some movies Evie insisted were fully relevant to his ‘cultural education’. 

“And now,” Evie declared when the food was all cleaned up and they were scattered around the living room. “We play Truth or Dare.”

“What kind of fucking game is that?” Harry drawled, trying not to stare at the image of Evie in her pretty silk nightgown lest his body decide to betray him.

“Pretty straightforward,” Evie hummed.  “We take turns picking truth or dare.  Either you have to answer a question truthfully, or you have to complete the dare.”

Harry wanted to ask how they’d know he wasn’t lying, but he supposed in Auradon they went by honor rules. 

“Why would ye do this?” Harry couldn’t help but ask.  On the Isle, they had plenty of competitions to see who was the most daring, the most crafty.  People took bets and dares all the time to prove their worth, to build a reputation – Harry couldn’t see the same need here in Auradon.

“Usually it’s just an excuse to get people to kiss each other,” Chad replied with a shrug, offering vital information with a casual disinterest, as though Harry’s heart didn’t squeeze hard in his chest upon hearing it.

“Not just that,” Evie insisted, but she was flushing, so it must sort of be true. “That’s- it’s just a fun bonding thing to share between friends.”

“Who kiss each other,” Harry deduced. “Why don’t yet cut the middle man and just do that?”  

“We have another game just for kissing,” Chad told him sagely. “But this gives us more options.”

“Like what?” Harry pressed.

“Like, I don’t know.” Chad shrugged, choosing now of all times to get bashful. “You can do more than kissing.”

“Like blowjobs?” Harry asked.

“Sure,” Chad replied while the other two froze. “Like, if you picked dare, I could say ‘Harry, I dare you to give Doug a blowjob’ – but that’s like, a very extreme thing most people wouldn’t do-”

“Why?” Harry asked. “It’s just a blowjob.  Hey.” He turned to Doug, his mouth already beginning to water. “Can I suck yer dick?”

“Um- what?” Doug didn’t squawk, but he seemed unprepared for this.

“That was just an example!” Chad blustered, but Harry was already moving, sliding off his couch so he could move to kneel between Doug’s legs. “You don’t have to do that.”

“This isn’t a big deal.” Harry rolled his eyes, curling his hands around Doug’s knees and pressing his legs wide, the dwarf-kin blushing all the while. “So, can I do this or what?”

“I um- I guess I don’t know why you’d want to,” Doug said, all while Evie was very quiet, watching the exchange with an unreadable expression.

“Because he dared me to,” Harry said, giving him an odd look.

“I didn’t actually, though,” Chad pressed. “I want the record to show-”

“So?” Harry interrupted, his fingers hooking around the waist of Doug’s pajama pants.  “Can we do this?”

“Um… Evie?” Doug asked, shooting her a worried look.

The princess blinked as though shaking herself from a daze, her brown eyes settling on them with renewed focus.

Doug shifted again. “Would this be okay?”

Evie thought about this.  Nodded. “If you two are okay with it, of course.  This is… we’re friends, here.”

“Right.” Doug nodded, movements a bit shaky. “Um… okay, Harry- you can- ah-”

Harry didn’t waste any time pushing the stupid clothes out of the way, Doug whining when his dick was exposed to the room at large.  Harry didn’t bear it any mind because it wouldn’t stay that way for long and immediately got to work swallowing Doug down like it was his damn job.

“Harry,” Doug moaned, one hand settling in the pirate’s hair. “Fuck, Harry.”

“Wow,” Evie gasped, breath hitching when Harry made an effort to work himself up and down Doug’s length, swallowing as much as he could until he was safely settled in Harry’s throat.

“Oh, oh, oh- wow,” Doug whimpered, shaking and leaking in Harry’s mouth. “Harry- Harry!” he croaked when the pirate started bobbing his head in earnest.

He reveled in the feel of Doug, in the pretty flush that spread across the bridge of his nose, the way his eyes fell shut.  His mouth was parted in desperate gasps and Harry swallowed it all, urging Doug’s legs wider just so he could see the pretty musician in such a vulnerable pose. 

“Please, please, please,” Doug said when he got close, and Harry could feel it, feel the heat building on his tongue, flooding his body. “I’m gonna- Harry, I’m gonna-”

Harry opened his eyes to stare up at Doug, half-lidded, sultry, knew he came off as alluring when he felt the musician pulse in his mouth. 

“Harry!” Doug cried, and then the first mate felt him fall apart, hot spurts shooting down Harry’s throat and he swallowed them, swallowed it all until Doug had nothing left to give, until he was soft and cooing. 

“Harry, um- you gotta-” he stuttered while Harry coaxed what little was left from Doug into his mouth, taking his time to lick the other teen clean. “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna-”

He dug his tongue into the head of that dick, and let out a small noise of surprise when he felt Doug get hard again, Harry pulling off just to see the new erection wavering against Doug’s stomach for himself.

“S-Shit,” Doug gasped, his flush darkening. “Sorry.  Um- I um- have dwarven stamina, you know.” He let out a nervous laugh. “It’s a bit of a curse.”

Yeah, Harry could relate, and he would dwell on that but right now he had a tasty treat wavering in front of him and a throbbing need building between his legs. 

“Can I ride ye?” Harry’s mouth asked before he gave it permission, his gaze very much still on Doug’s length.

“What?” Doug asked, shifting nervously, like he hadn’t heard Harry.

“Can.  I.  Ride.  Ye?” Harry tried again. “I want to sit on that.”

“T-That being…?”

“Your dick, I think,” Chad offered, his face colored in a furious blush, his own interest straining against his pajama pants.

“Evie,” Doug whined, shooting the princess a desperate look.

“If you don’t want that, say no,” Evie soothed, her voice calm and gentle. “But if you do, that’s perfectly okay.  This is a safe space.”

Again with that fucking word again.  It must be a real thing if even princess was going on about it.

“I…” Doug swallowed, looking down at Harry. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t,” Harry murmured, lapping at Doug’s length, making the musician’s breath hitch.

Chad cleared his throat. “I um… I could get you ready if you’d like, Harry.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry said, nodding his thanks as Chad moved to settle behind him.  That was a believable cover.  Harry was pretty sure there weren’t that many who would buy his magical lubricating asshole with zero questions. 

“Shit,” Evie murmured, and then she was sitting down next to Doug, leaning over to press a kiss against his shoulder. “May I…?”

“Yes,” Doug gasped when Harry got back to work, lavishing on his member. “Y-Yes, Evie, you can-”

She cut him off with a kiss, and it was a lovely thing that made Harry pulse in his pants, his underwear beginning to soak through as Chad eased a few fingers between his cheeks. 

“Like this,” Chad soothed, scissoring Harry wide despite how little he needed it. “Just like this, Harry, you’re doing so good.”

Harry savored the praise, letting out a little moan around Doug’s length that had the musician cooing into Evie’s mouth. 

After a few minutes, Chad cleared his throat, catching Evie’s attention with a bashful look. “Hey um… would you like to um- stretch Harry?”

He was- he was trying to arrange for-

Harry moaned, glad that his mouth was full to stifle the wound, and when he looked up again Evie was staring at him with a flushed look of renewed interest.  She pecked one last kiss to Doug’s cheek before nodding, trading out with Chad. 

“Sure,” she said, petting a hand down Harry’s lower back before pulling his clothes down to his thighs, leaving his rear bared so she could cup it reverently.  She took her time, stroking and grazing pale skin with her fingers before she finally parted him, brushing a finger against his wet entrance.

“Oh,” she breathed, easing a finger into Harry, and then another when she realized he could take it. “You feel so good, Harry.”

The pirate moaned around Doug’s length, the musician gasping when Chad started pressing kisses to his neck.

“Yes,” she mused. “You’re such a good boy, for us.  So hot and ready for Doug.  You’ve done such a good job for him, swallowing him down like a champ.”

Harry shuddered, knowing the words were careless but still feeling shaken by them. 

“You haven’t even tried to touch yourself,” she mused, and then her hand – a princess’s hand – settled between his legs, giving him a firm pump that made him cry brokenly.  “Wow, baby,” she breathed, working him harder. “You’re so wet.”

“He gets like that,” Chad mused, one hand between his own legs as he traded kisses with Doug. “He um… can go a few times too.”

“Oh?” Harry could picture the brow Evie cocked at the blond. “And you know this how?”

Chad flushed. “We um- like to play together.”

“Hot damn,” Doug breathed, stroking Harry’s head almost reverently.

“Yeah,” Evie mused, sliding another two fingers into Harry until she really started working him over. “That’s a pretty image.”

“Aw, thanks guys,” Chad said, offering them a dopey grin.

“If anyone should be thanked here,” Evie breathed while her hands moved faster. “It should be you guys.”

And with that, she jerked Harry with a vengeance, three vicious pumps that had him losing it, the first mate forced to pull off of Doug so he could croon against his thigh. 

“E-Evie,” he rasped, his hips shaking into her attention. “Evie-”

“Such a good boy,” she soothed, milking his length for all it was worth, until he was a trembling mess again. “Such a good boy for us.”

“Are um- are you okay?” Doug asked when Harry was coming down from his high, Evie sounding victorious. “You um- you don’t have to do anything else.”

“Gonna,” Harry gasped, lazily stepping out of his pants and underwear like his heart wasn’t throbbing in his chest before he pushed Doug back against the couch so he could straddle his lap. 

“H-Harry,” Doug stuttered, his hands shifting to Harry’s hips on reflex, blushing deeper when he realized the pirate’s legs were bare. “Harry-”

“That’s my name,” Harry mused before he eased himself onto Doug’s length, settling low with a gasp as more and more of it pushed into him. 

“Wow,” Chad murmured when he stopped to watch them, blinking when Evie crawled into his lap. “Um- they’re um, really pretty-”

“I know.” Evie grinned, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  “Go ahead and keep watching them.”

“Okay,” Chad said, seeming relieved by the order.  He turned to follow it immediately and missed Evie’s hand sneaking into his underwear until she was fondling him. “Evie- fuck.  I- t-thanks-”

“You’re welcome,” the princess chirped before turning her attention to Doug and Harry.

Seemed like they were the floor show, then.

Harry didn’t care.  By that point, he’d been aching to have Doug’s length in him for weeks, and now that he finally had it, he wasn’t going to waste a second.  He moved forward, freeing Doug’s hair from its stupid pony so he could run his fingers through it just like he’d imagined, started rocking himself in earnest when Doug was too busy gasping. 

“Harry,” Doug moaned, his dick pulsing inside the pirate. “Harry, you feel so good.”

“Y-Ye too,” Harry murmured. “So thick.”

Doug’s blush darkened exponentially. “You don’t have to be n-nice-”

“I’m never fucking nice,” Harry snarled before he started shifting in earnest, bouncing himself in Doug’s lap and keeping his fingers curled in that pretty, soft hair. 

“Harry, Harry, Harry,” Doug chanted, shifting up to meet him, revealing a surprising amount of strength that might also come from his dwarven side.  His hands curled around Harry’s thighs and the pirate knew he was done, should have hated the feeling of being manhandled, of being degraded, but he loved it instead, because he was enchanted, because it was Doug, who seemed so sweet and earnest and kept pressing these dump little kisses to Harry’s throat.

“Gonna fuck you so good,” Doug promised, trying to be sultry or some shit and Harry should laugh, it should be funny, but the pirate could only moan brokenly into his hold, tilting his head back so Doug could have access to more of his neck. “So sweet.”

“Don’t-” Harry warned, squeezing his eyes shut even as he clamped hard around Doug’s member, savoring each delicious slide. 

“Can’t silence me,” Doug pledged, his movements becoming more deliberate, seeming determined to hit that spot that made Harry croon, his legs flex. “Not when you try so hard after not being allowed.”

“Doug-”

“I’ve got you,” Doug promised, tilting their foreheads together like this was some kind of romance novel. “I’ve got you.  You can let go.” 

He shifted one of his hands between Harry’s legs, curled around his aching length gently, and spent the next few minutes driving Harry mad.  Instead of rough jerks, he was careful with his attentions, working his hand slowly up and down to coax new beads of slick from him until Harry was whining a steady objection.

“Please, Doug,” he groaned. “Please.  Please, just-”

“I’ve got you,” Doug repeated, and then he finally pumped his hand, firm enough that Harry’s body latched onto the action, taking the stimulus for what it was and allowing himself to fall apart while he could.

Doug watched with wide eyes while Harry fell to pieces, spattering his chest with white beads of slick.  Like Evie, Doug didn’t stop his hand, kept thrusting up into Harry until he was hard again, whining and gasping all the while. 

“Holy shit,” Evie mused, her and Chad collapsed against each other in exhaustion. “Hook stamina.  You guys are a perfect match.”

“N-No such thing,” Harry gasped, but then his eyes were rolling back because Doug didn’t agree with this, seemed determined to thrust deeper, bounce Harry harder.

By the time he was finished, Harry felt completely torn apart, his orgasm a firm relief.  He felt Doug lose it too, moaned throughout the sensation, eagerly allowing the musician to kiss and suck at his neck until they were both finally finished.

“So,” Evie said later, when Doug had gently pulled Harry off of him and cradled the pirate against his side. “That game of truth or dare was a bit more intense than I thought it would be.”

Chad held a lazy fist up in the air. “Play to win, baby.”

Yeah, Harry thought when Doug snuck a hand under his shirt, caressing his stomach in gentle circles. That sounds about right.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“We should talk about this,” Evie said later, after they’d showered and changed into new sets of pjs provided by Evie herself. “What just happened…”

“That was a friend thing,” Chad chirped, giving them his brightest grin.  “We are friends and we did a thing and it isn’t a big deal.”

“That works for me,” Harry grumbled into the lip of his hot chocolate, savoring the silky sweet flavor as it ran over his tongue.

Evie shared a look with Doug, and for a moment, Harry was afraid they might have missed something.

But then she was shrugging her shoulders. “Okay,” she said, going back to spraying whipped cream on top of Doug’s hot chocolate. “Just a friend thing, then.” 

It wasn’t like it could be anything else.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Did you do it?” Audrey asked when they regrouped at her place later – the princess quick to herd them into the bathtub, which was apparently her favorite location for debriefings. “Did anything happen?”

Instead of deigning to reply, Harry showed her his bracelet.  The next two diamonds were navy and forest green respectively – one for Evie, one for Doug.

“Fucking shit, man,” Audrey cheered, pressing a kiss to Harry’s neck. “I honestly didn’t think it would happen.  Doug’s so shy, and Evie…” Her eyes narrowed in a sly look. “I thought you didn’t want to mess with more royalty.”

“Well,” Harry said, sinking deeper into the water while Chad made an obnoxious fool of himself and started mouthing at Harry’s shoulder. “It’s not like Uma’s gonna find out about it.”

“Man, you better hope Uma doesn’t find out about any of this,” Audrey drawled, flopping back against him like he was her personal throne. “Pretty sure she would have wanted to be first in line, Hook.”

“Don’t talk about what ye don’t know, Rose,” Harry shot back. 

“Guys,” Chad sighed, stubbornly trying to wrap himself around both of them. “This is a happy time.  No arguing, just cuddles.”

“Fine,” Audrey groaned, turning so she could curl against Harry’s chest, reaching an arm out to get a hold on Chad so they were all huddled together. “I’m proud of you guys for getting some.”

“And I’m proud of ye for refraining from texting us the whole night,” Harry drawled.

“Thank you,” Audrey sniffed. “That was a massive effort that deserved to be adequately recognized.”

“We can recognize it some more with nail time,” Chad hummed. “We haven’t done Harry’s toes yet.”

“Ye lot paint yer toenails too?” Harry would never understand Auradon.  It was so weird.

“Yeah, I know,” Audrey said as though reading his mind. “But it’ll be worth it for the foot massage that comes with it.”

“Sounds… ominous?” Harry tried.

“It’s not,” Chad assured him, but Harry was beginning to learn that Chad lived on a different plane of existence from the rest of them, so maybe he wouldn’t totally take the blond’s word for it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“We need our next targets,” Audrey declared when she paced around her room, her tan fingers steepled together with an expression of immense concentration.

“What next targets?” Harry asked, licking a stripe down Chad’s chest and speeding the hand he had shoved into the prince’s underwear because sometimes he wanted to be in charge, damnit. “I’ve got ye guys and… ye know-”

“Evie and Doug,” Audrey said, stopping to give him an unimpressed look. “You can say their names.”

“He’s um- just embarrassed,” Chad gasped when Harry shifted his hand in a particularly hard grind that left the blond panting. “Since we don’t have a consistent schedule with them.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Harry said, biting at Chad’s nipple in retaliation, which may not have been super effective because he could feel how positively that effected the blond. “I’m just private.”

Ever since the sleepover, Chad and Harry seemed to have a more-than-casual relationship with Evie and Doug.  They still had outings at least once a week where all of them got together to look at a museum exhibit or listen to a professional band at a jazz club or go to a food festival (which had been Harry’s favorite).  Just about all of these events ended with them at Evie’s, hovering around each other until someone made the first move, and then they would make out or maybe have sex, but it was just about always nice and easy and not at all strained. 

Chad didn’t seem to understand Evie and Doug’s attention either, but he had informed Harry that he wasn’t going to worry about it. 

“We’re two good looking dudes,” Chad explained. “Lots of people probably want to have sex with us.  It’s not surprising that they do too.  It’s like I said – this is an easy friend thing.”

So at least Harry had successfully acquired friends, which had been the goal of this in the first place, however ill-conceived it may be.   

And it wasn’t like they just wanted him for sex.  Doug and Evie made an effort to text both of them regularly, or sometimes Harry would call Doug and convince the musician to play him something on his trumpet, or video chat with Evie so she could show him her latest sewing creation.  It was nice.  Harmless.

Very strange. 

But now they had to move on.

“Whatever,” Audrey said, deciding that Harry’s emotional complications were not something they needed to delve into.  “Back on task.  You need to break your enchantment because there might come a day where the four of us might get like- trapped away from you or something, maybe there’s an emergency, I don’t know – and you’ll need to not be magically horny and sexually frustrated.  So.” She turned back to them, trying to be stern but unable to hide her smile at Chad’s flushed and moaning expression. “We need new targets.”

“There’s um- Jane,” Chad offered, his hips rutting into Harry’s hand. “But she’s super shy.  And Carlos-”

“Has been dancing around her forever,” Audrey finished, moving to perch at the end of the bed with a sigh. “Just… do what you did with Doug and Evie – go after both of them.”

“Both?” Harry froze, making Chad whine when he stopped administering his attentions. “Carlos is one of Mal’s-”

“So’s Evie,” Audrey pointed out with another unimpressed look. “But you still let her fuck you on the regular.  This is just like that.  Carlos isn’t your rival – he’s just a clever little shit who will fuck you up if you hurt Jane’s feelings so… I dunno, maybe start with him first.”

“How?” Harry pressed. 

Audrey always made these things sound easy, but they almost never were.

“He um- likes dogs,” Chad offered, wiggling his hips in a hopeful attempt to get Harry’s attention.  “There’s a dog festival happening soon.”

“Ye fucking guys have festivals for everything,” Harry grumbled, but he moved his hand accordingly, because the blond had helped.

“Tell me about it,” Audrey muttered, but then she was crawling to Chad’s other side, taking one of his pretty pink nipples between her fingers and giving it a firm twist.

“Ah- ah-” Chad panted when he came undone, Harry working him through the entire process while Audrey claimed his lips, taking what she wanted when the need suited her, because she was a damn princess.

A fucking intoxicating thing was what she was.  They were.

It gave Harry the feeling that he was screwed, but for once, he didn’t really mind it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“I might have fucked up,” Chad informed Harry when they were walking towards the damn dog adoption festival or whatever, a celebration of dogs with obstacle courses and fashion shows and play areas and, of course, food.

“What?” Harry asked, taking in Chad’s fidgeting posture with narrowed focus. “How?”

“Um.” Chad did his best to look anywhere but Harry. “So um- after Audrey confirmed that Carlos and Jane were coming to this-” Harry wasn’t sure how she had pulled that off but he’d learned to stop asking. “I um, I might have let it slip to Evie that we were going-”

“Fucking hell, blondie,” Harry said, letting his head roll back with a sigh. “Don’t tell me she and Doug are coming.”

“Okay,” Chad agreed, poking his index fingers together like some sort of act of contrition. “I will not tell you that.”

Harry stopped, and Chad stopped, and then the prince gave him one of those hopeful looks that were really going to be the end of Harry one day. “They’re coming, aren’t they?”

“They want us to meet up with them and Carlos,” Chad said, the words coming out in a rush. “Apparently Dude’s going to take part in the fashion show-”

“I don’t want to know what any of that means,” Harry decided, and then he kept walking. 

They found Evie and Doug near the stage area, Evie crouched down next to a small, scraggly dog dressed in an intricate vest that must have been one of her creations, Carlos and Jane standing next to her.  Carlos’ jacket matched the dog’s outfit, which for someone like De Ville was a bold claim of ownership.  Carlos didn’t normally bother with things that didn’t interest him unless Mal told him to. 

Seemed like De Villes always came back to dogs, in the end.

Harry let Chad take care of the greeting, as the prince was a practiced hand at making Doug and Evie smile with his blatant exuberance. “Hey, guys!” he cheered, walking up to them in a few bouncing steps. “Dude’s looking cool, Evie.”

“Thank you,” Evie chirped, giving the scraggly dog another scratch behind the ears before straightening. “I think this one is my best outfit yet.”

“It sure looks um… colorful enough,” Harry settled on.

The words felt stupid as soon as they exited his mouth, but when he looked up, Evie was smiling at him. “Thanks, Harry,” she murmured, her grin small but genuine.

“What the fuck is this?” Carlos asked, ruining the moment with his blunt approach to, well, everything. “Are you trying to be nice now?”

“Hey,” Evie said, lightly smacking Carlos’ bicep. “We’re not on the Isle anymore.  If he wants to give friendship a try-”

“It’s Harry,” Carlos said, managing to make the name communicate a whole range of unsavory things while Jane shifted uneasily beside him.  “He doesn’t do nice.  And he doesn’t do things without a reason.”

“You know,” Chad spoke up carefully. “Same as everyone else.”

“And Chad?” Carlos pressed, now completely turned towards Evie. “You’re friends with Chad now?”

Evie tensed, her expression closing off into something more serious. “Carlos…”

“You’re too nice, Evie,” Carlos declared, making Harry’s stomach drop. “Chad’s a dumb flake and Harry’s a vapid flirt.  Why the hell-”

“I can make my own judgements, Carlos,” Evie interrupted, her tone hard. “Thank you for your concern, but I can judge a situation for myself.”

Carlos’ face crumpled into something apologetic. “I didn’t mean it like that, Evie.”

“You didn’t?” the princess challenged, folding her arms across her chest.  “Then what did you mean?”

“You don’t think this is weird?” Carlos asked, gesturing to Chad and Harry, talking about them like they weren’t there. “Why the hell are these two even friends?  I suspect it’s because Harry only likes pretty people and Chad’s too lonely to realize why Harry wants him around-”

“We’re right fucking here, ye fuckwit,” Harry snarled, unable to hold his silence any longer. “And Chad isn’t a dumb flake, and even if he was, at least he’s not a judgmental piece of shit like ye.”  

With that, Harry turned, snagging Chad’s wrist and marching away before he could do something stupid like stay.  He might be trying for friendship, but there was no point in making an effort with someone who thought so lowly of him in the first place.  It would not only be a disgrace to Uma, but also to himself.

Harry didn’t have much self-respect, but he had just enough to not want De Ville’s stupid dick anywhere near him.

“Okay,” Chad said as he jogged to catch up with Harry. “Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

‘Ye fucking think?’ Harry wanted to snarl, but of anyone, Chad had been the most accommodating in his efforts to help Harry.  There was no reason for him to snarl at the prince when he’d only been trying to help him out.

It had him slowing to a halt, pulling Chad off the beaten path so they could regroup in the shade of a cluster of trees.

“Are ye lonely?” Harry asked, one of De Ville’s parting comments beginning to nag at him.

“What?” Chad tensed, then slid into a smile Harry was beginning to associate with his public appearances. “No, of course not.  I mean, I’ve got Audrey and now I’ve got you.  Sometimes I have Evie and Doug – that’s really good!  And far from lonely.”

At least three of those people were relatively recent developments, bringing Chad down to just Audrey, which didn’t seem in line with the happy go lucky vibe of Auradon.

“What about yer family?” Harry asked. “You’re a prince, aren’t ye?”

Chad shifted his weight from side to side, restless. “My um- mom died when I was little,” he explained. “I don’t remember her, but my dad got super busy running the kingdom after that and my grandpa got busy helping him so um- well, they don’t always have time for me, and that’s okay- I don’t mind.  I know their job’s important-”

“Fucking fuck that little shit,” Harry snarled, anger flaring after listening to Chad try and justify his nonexistent support system.  Even Harry had Uma and Gil, had his crew.  Carlos had Mal and the rest of the Core Four.  He had Jane.  Who the fuck was he to judge?  “Ye don’t believe a word he said, do ye?”

“About being lonely?” Chad prompted, all wide eyed and innocent.

“About being dumb,” Harry said through gritted teeth. “About being a flake.”

“Oh.” Chad blinked. “Well, I am kind of dumb.”

“No you’re fucking not,” Harry snarled. “I’ve known a lot of stupid ass people, and you are not one of them.”

Maybe too cheerful, not the best at reading social situations, but he wasn’t dumb.

His words immediately made Chad brighten up. “Aww- thanks, Harry!  That’s really nice.”

“I’m just stating the fucking obvious,” Harry said, his cheeks heating up in a furious blush. “Let’s just… get out of here.  We can pick some food up and take it back to-”

“There you guys are,” Evie said, the princess striding into their private thicket with Doug on her heels.  “I’m so sorry about that.”

Chad shrugged. “It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

“Who?” Harry growled, his rage rekindling in one fell swoop. “Gimme names-”

“Whoa, there,” Chad said, giving Harry’s shoulder a few comforting pats. “That’s not how we solve things here. It’s fine-”  

“It’s not fine,” Doug interrupted, Evie closing her mouth because apparently she was about to make the same protest. “What Carlos said wasn’t right.”

“I don’t blame him,” Chad said, earnest to a painful degree. “He’s just protective of Evie.  I was a piece of shit to her when you guys first came over, he’s allowed to be wary of me because of that.”

“How could ye be a piece of shit to anyone?” Harry asked, genuinely confused. “Ye’re practically harmless.”

“I made her do the homework test,” Chad hummed, leaning towards Harry with a conspiratorial whisper. “It’s the test Audrey made up to see if girls really want to date me or if they just want to date a prince and I’m an easy target, since I’m, you know-” He made a vague motion with his hand, as though to say ‘dumb’ and ‘lonely’.

Evie tensed. “That was why you asked me to do your homework?”

“Yes.” Chad nodded. “But then I got freaked out by your mirror and Audrey was worried about- well, anyway, you were there.  It was a mess.”

There was a pause were Evie looked tragically conflicted. “Chad, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, no- don’t apologize to me,” Chad said. “I shouldn’t have asked you to keep doing my homework.  I did because um- I was really sad at the time, so my grades were slipping, and somehow you knew all the answers and-” He shrugged again. “We were both mean to each other.  Can we just say we’re even?”

“Yeah, Chad,” Evie decided, offering her hand for Chad to shake. “We can be even.”

“Neato,” Chad chirped, pumping her delicate fingers with a broad smile. “Now um- who wants to play with dogs?”

“I think we’re all down for that,” Doug decided, and like that, the afternoon was saved.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They spent the festival running through the green Auradon fields playing fetch with shelter dogs, cheering on Evie’s creation at the fashion show and laughing as enthusiastic pups attempted to run the obstacle course.  They only saw flashes of Carlos and Jane the entire time, but they seemed to decide as a collective that they weren’t going to let that bother them.

They ended up spending the night at Evie’s, which was a concern until Doug crawled into Harry’s lap, all bashful and perfect, and Evie eased a hand into Chad’s pants, the prince trying to return the favor with what little coherence he had left.

It ended with all of them naked in Evie’s large bed, and even if it wasn’t what they’d intended, it was still good.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Yeah,” Audrey said later when they were recounting the tale to her in the bathtub. “I probably should have thought that out better.”

This time Chad was cradled between them so he could be given the attentions he insisted he did not need.  Despite his protests, both Harry and Audrey were able to detect the lingering ache that came from Carlos’ comments, so they doted on him, pressing kisses to his shoulders and his cheeks while he moaned in their arms.

“I knew De Ville didn’t like me,” Harry drawled, sucking a mark on the curve of Chad’s neck. “But- I dunno, I thought his time in Auradon would have made him nicer.”

“Well um- you did flirt with Jane,” Chad pointed out. “At the celebration.”

“Panic flirted,” Audrey surmised, bringing Harry’s train of thought to a glorious halt. “He was flirting with everyone because he didn’t know what to do.”

Harry tensed. “Now fucking see here-”

“What did we say about coping mechanisms?” Audrey said, aiming an unimpressed look at him. “We all have them.  We’re not judging.  If you have a default behavior that makes you feel safe, go for it.  I pretend to know everything; Chad smiles even when he isn’t happy – we all do what we have to do.”

“F-For the record,” Chad moaned, his hips rutting into the firm grasp of Audrey’s hand. “I’m um- smiling right now because I am very happy.”

“Yeah, baby,” Audrey grinned, pressing a kiss just under his ear. “I can feel it.” She turned her attention back to Harry. “Point is, we should abandon the whole Carlos/Jane plan.  Carlos is a stubborn shit – when he’s convinced of something, it will take roughly eighty years for him to change his mind.  So I’ll think of another plan and you guys use this time to bond with Evie and Doug some more.”

“Y-Yes, Audrey,” Chad gasped, grinning. “You got it.”

“Fine,” Harry huffed, sucking a new mark against Chad’s neck. “But only because I want to.”

“Yes, Harry,” Audrey drawled, rolling her eyes. “Obviously.”

Chapter Text

Here was how things went wrong.

Well, Harry wasn’t entirely sure when things went wrong, but he knew the door hadn’t been locked when it should have been, knew he’d discovered this mid-riding Chad’s dick, both of them gloriously naked and Harry already spattered in the remnants of his first orgasm. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Harry was chanting while he worked himself up and down, head thrown back in ecstasy as he tugged at his nipples.  “Fuck, Chad- please.”

“You’re doing so good, baby,” Chad gasped, a dark flush spread across the bridge of his nose that spilled down his heaving chest. “Feel so tight-”

“Want, want- need you,” Harry whined, setting himself down with a firm shift while Chad rocked against that familiar bundle of nerves. “Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” Chad promised, holding onto Harry’s pale hips, stabilizing him while he sought his own pleasure. “I won’t, sweetheart, I promise.”

“Chad,” Harry moaned, felt his length shudder hard against his stomach the same way it always did when the blond threw out casual promises. “Chad-”

“What the fuck,” came from the doorway, the open doorway, and Harry managed the awareness to turn and see Mal standing there with wide eyes, the fucking king right behind her. “Fucking shit.”

“Hey, guys,” Chad gasped, abruptly sitting up and Harry should snarl at him for the delicious slide it caused against his insides, his legs drawing up towards his chest to accommodate for Chad, but then he realized the prince was trying to block as much of Harry as he could while still being buried inside him. “W-What can we help you with?”

“Fucking hell,” Mal continued, dragging a hand over her face. “We just came because we hadn’t seen Harry in a few days.  Should have figured he was having sex with someone.”

“Don’t slutshame your guests, Mal,” Chad said with an unfairly hard tone, trying to be stern when he was in fact mid-coitus and Harry was clinging to him like the dumb whore he was. “You have no room to judge.”

“How the hell do you two even know each other?” Mal snapped, seeming entirely exasperated.

“We met at the celebration,” Chad said, rubbing a hand down Harry’s back when the pirate gave up, burying his face in the curve of Chad’s neck so he could maybe pretend this wasn’t happening.  She was gonna tell Uma.  Harry was screwed.  “Now if you don’t mind, could you please leave?”

“What, so you can keep having sex?” Mal pressed, like this was a distasteful thing.   

“That would be the goal, yes,” Chad said, taking on some of Audrey’s haughty tone. “This is a natural, lovely thing. You have no right to be judgmental-”

“What?” Mal interrupted, unable to take such criticism in her own home. “Are you guys boyfriends or something?”

“N-No,” Harry snarled, pushing through his humiliation so he could glare at her for suggesting as much.

“Just friends,” Chad lied, making it worse. “W-With an understanding.  Because sex is nice, and we trust each other.”

These answers seemed to throw Mal completely off guard. “You’re just friends who have sex sometimes,” she summarized.

“Yep.” Chad nodded, his gaze painfully earnest.

“I…” Mal wavered, looking between them and the floor. “…did not know that was a thing you could do.”

For whatever reason, that made Chad relax. “Sure, it is,” he said. “You just have to have a very clear line of communication to make sure everyone’s on the same page.”

“That’s um- super good, Chad,” the king spoke up since the first time Mal had burst through the door. “I’m glad for you guys.” He curled a hand around his fiancé’s shoulder. “Mal…”

“Wait,” Mal said, wrapping a hand around that wrist and dragging Ben deeper into the room with her. “So you guys will have sex with anyone?”

“With people we trust,” Chad said while Harry loosed an inarticulate sound of displeasure.  He wasn’t that fucking easy. “Look, if you want to join us, you can, but you’re gonna have to lock the door.  And also keep this a secret.”

Instead of scowling, Mal nodded, flicking the door shut with a magical wave of her hand. “That makes sense.  Why make things more complicated?”

“Mal,” Ben spoke up, worried and a little flushed. “Maybe um- maybe this isn’t the best idea.”

“Why not?” Mal said, easing into a false sort of confidence.  Harry would know, he used it all the time. “You and I can’t have sex until we’re married, but those rules didn’t say anything about us having sex with other people.”

Um.  What.

“You guys haven’t had sex yet?” Chad asked, one hand stroking carefully down Harry’s back.

“It’s a royal thing,” Mal said, rolling her eyes. “And, I mean.  One of the few things I had going for me was that I hadn’t been tainted, so…”

“Holy shit,” Harry marveled, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Maleficent was a chastity pusher.”

“Fuck off, Hook,” Mal snapped, crossing to the bed in angry strides. “The point is, our hands can only get us so far.”

“I’m not sure about this,” the king said, seeming reluctant to draw closer. “I never know how the beast is going to respond to this kind of stuff.  Especially after Audrey’s temporary curse.” 

“Why don’t we start with something easy?” Chad said, pressing a kiss to Harry’s shoulder before lying back down, leaving Harry exposed to the royals’ combined gazes. “Harry likes when his nipples are played with.  And, you know, kissing’s nice.”

“Chad,” Harry growled, glaring down at the blond as humiliation swamped over him. “Ye fucking shit.”

“We don’t kinkshame,” Chad said cheerfully. “And this is staying a secret – right, Mal?  Ben?”

“Um.” The princess blinked, pulling her attention away from Harry’s chest to look at Chad with a pale flush. “Right.  Absolutely.  What happens here, stays here.”

“Ben?” Chad pressed, his hands curling back around Harry’s hips.

The king’s throat bobbed in a swallow, his body tight with conflict before he was crawling onto the bed, one regal hand cupping Harry’s jaw and then-

Fuck, he was getting kissed by a king.  A king was angling Harry’s jaw so he could pull the pirate into filthy kisses that made him tremble, that made Harry whine until the king was licking into his mouth.

“There you go, Benny,” Mal cackled, crossing to Harry’s other side so that she could toy with his nipples, her delicate fingers stroking slick-smeared skin with seemingly no qualms for the express purpose of pulling and jerking at the sensitive, flushed nubs. 

Harry crooned into the king’s mouth, making him growl, a hand sliding to the back of his head to keep him angled just so. 

“Remember he needs to breathe, Ben,” Mal murmured playfully, her lips skimming Harry’s shoulder until she could start nipping at him, digging into pale skin with sharp teeth while she tugged at his nipples mercilessly.

“That’s it, baby boy,” Chad soothed, busting out the worst of Audrey’s nicknames as he began to fuck Harry once more. “I’m um- I’m not gonna last much longer, okay?  But Ben’s gonna take care of you when I’m done.”

“Yeah,” Mal drawled, one of her hands dropping to curl around Chad’s. “Don’t think you’re getting off easy, blondie.  You opened a real pandora’s box, here.”

Harry moaned when the king finally pulled away, his eyes half lidded and mouth parted in deep pants while he nuzzled Harry’s shoulder. “Pretty,” he rumbled, and that was all the warning Harry got before the king’s hand settled between his legs, giving him a firm pump.

“Ben!” Harry thrashed in their hold, clamped ruthlessly around Chad and felt him come apart too, Harry’s own release ripping through him like a violent thing.  He coated himself in warm slick, not that either Mal or Ben seemed to care, Ben content to pump him through it until Harry had nothing left to give. 

“Wow,” Ben breathed when he pulled Harry off of Chad’s lap, positioning the first mate so he was reclined against the mountain of pillows. “That was… wow.”

“He’s um- not done yet,” Chad said, voice trailing off in a whimper as Mal started playing with his spent dick. “He can go again.”

“Can you?” Ben asked, burying his face in the curve of Harry’s neck so he could just breathe. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, ye fucking-” Harry flushed, spreading his legs wide and drawing his knees up to put his leaking hole on display. “Just fuck me, would ye?”

“So romantic, Hook,” Mal drawled while she continued to play with Chad, one hand dropping low to toy with his sack while he shuddered in her hands. “We have but dreamed of such propositions.”

“If ye don’t want to be here, then leave,” Harry snapped, trying not to be humiliated and failing. “Ye don’t have to-”

He cut off in an undignified squawk when the king suddenly flipped him, urging Harry’s hips higher while the first mate struggled to get his equilibrium. 

“Ye could have asked,” Harry snarled against the pillows, feeling his blush darken furiously. “Didn’t have to manhandle-”

His breath caught when he felt the king’s hands settle on the globes of his rear, those lithe fingers pulling him wide before Harry felt the brush of warm breath, and then-

It took a few seconds to process the fact that the king was licking him, but that- that was exactly what he was doing.  The king of Auradon was licking Harry’s wet and dripping entrance like it was his damn job, running his tongue along the outside of the rim before determinately thrusting it inside.

“What the fuck are ye doing?” Harry gasped, looking over his shoulder and almost immediately regretting it.

“Looks like he’s cleaning you up,” Mal hummed while her fiancé continued to fuck Harry with his tongue. “You okay with that?”

“Green?” Chad asked, half-distracted but better, because Harry really didn’t want to answer the first question.

The pirate flushed, turning to bury his head back into the pillows. “G-Green.”

“Don’t worry,” Mal soothed over the sounds of Chad’s rising pants. “We won’t tell anyone.”

That was fucking great for her, but less great for Harry who was getting stupidly hard because of the King of Auradon had discovered a new kink, making these horrible slurping sounds as he seemed determined to lick all of Chad’s seed out of Harry. 

“Please,” Harry moaned after five minutes of this, five minutes where his hands curled uselessly in the sheets and his dick remained entirely untouched. “Fuck me, please.  Just- I need you-”

“Okay,” Ben said, his voice sounding rough as he pulled away. “Okay.”

He flipped Harry over again, eyes scanning over the flushed and panting mess the pirate had become. 

“T-Tell him he’s pretty,” Chad gasped while Mal rolled a condom onto his length. “He um- likes compliments.”

“Who doesn’t?” Ben asked, but he was smiling, looking Harry over with a sort of appreciation he didn’t deserve. “You look very pretty, Harry,” he said, pushing Harry’s legs up and angling himself between the first mate’s cheeks. “I can’t wait to get inside you.”

“Fucking-” Harry snarled so he wouldn’t whine, frustration building when Ben got into position but didn’t push inside. “Then do it.”

“He um- likes compliments,” Chad repeated. “But he doesn’t know what to do with them.”

“Figures,” Mal said as she moved to straddle the blond prince, very much naked now. “Always finicky.”

“It’s okay,” Ben soothed before Harry could start snarling. 

Finally, finally he pushed inside and Harry crooned, long and loud, the king’s dick so very large. 

“Fuck, Ben- please,” Harry moaned, arching back against the sheets.  Despite having just received a large measure of attention from the king’s tongue, Harry’s entrance felt hyperaware and eager, registering every shift with added intensity until he was leaking all over his stomach. “Please fuck me, please.”

“Of course,” Ben said, and finally he started moving.  Those long fingers were curled against Harry’s pale hips, his lips mouthing at the base of his throat while Harry babbled a stream of nonsense.

“So good, so big, so good,” Harry babbled. “Ye feel so fucking good, do I- do I feel-?”

“You feel great,” Ben growled, slamming into Harry. “So tight and hot and wet.  Fuck, seeing you ride Chad – that was art.  Started getting wet right then, seeing you play with your own nipples.”

“Ben,” Harry whined, shaking in his hold.

“Mal thinks your accent’s sexy,” the king continued, casually gifting Harry with information he did not need. “I do too.  She was jealous when we first came in here.  Jealous of Chad for having you.”  He dropped his voice lower. “Used to be jealous of Uma for having you.” 

“U-Uma’s my captain,” Harry gasped, head falling back when the king started nipping at him in earnest. “I’d never- not her-”

“Sweet evil,” Mal groaned, her head falling back as she toyed with her own breasts, Chad crooning underneath her. “Of course your flirtation was for show, you actually respect her.”

“She’s my captain,” Harry snapped. “Of course I-”

Harry broke off with a moan when Ben wrapped a hand around his throbbing dick, giving it a quick pump.

“Sorry,” Ben murmured, pressing hot kisses to the base of Harry’s throat, his shoulders, just under his jaw. “We judged too quickly.” He looked up at Harry with those stunning hazel eyes. “Let us make it up to you?”

“Ye don’t owe me shit,” Harry snarled, gasping when Ben rutted into him again.

“Maybe not,” Ben hummed. “But we’d like to give it to you anyway.”

With that, he started fucking in earnest, pushing Harry’s legs higher so he could get a better angle and-

They fell apart about the same time, Ben’s breath choking in his chest before he spurted warm slick into Harry’s greedy hole, Harry coating himself once more in a violent explosion that made him mewl.  Ben was determined to guide him through it, keeping himself buried in the first mate while he milked Harry dry, until the first mate could do nothing but whine brokenly in his hold.

Only then did the king pull out of Harry, slumping down beside him and pulling the dirty pirate against his chest, which was still mostly clothed and definitely ruined now. 

Mal and Chad took a bit longer to finish, but it was a lovely show, Chad flushed and panting, Mal urging herself faster until they finally came apart. 

“Fucking wow,” Mal said when she peeled the condom off Chad, tying it up in quick movements and chucking it in the direction of Harry’s waste bin. “Didn’t think that was how I’d lose my virginity.”

“Me either,” Ben mused, sated and a bit sleepy as he nuzzled the top of Harry’s head. “Was good, though.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mal agreed, flopping down next to Chad. “Really fucking good.  A plus, Charming.”

“Aw, shucks,” Chad breathed with a complete lack of irony. “Thanks, Mal.  You were awesome too.”

“Don’t I know it,” the princess said, her chest puffing up with pride. 

Her bare chest.  Because she was naked.

Were Harry not thoroughly spent, the vision of naked Chad mixed with naked Mal would definitely do something to him.  As it was, he could only appreciate the view.

“We should do that again sometime,” Mal decided, idling playing with Chad’s nipples while the prince whined. “Except we can switch partners.” Her gaze cut over to Harry’s debauched form. “I wanna play with our baby boy.”

“Fuck ye, Mal,” Harry drawled, too tired to get properly irritated.

“Nah,” Mal dismissed with a wave of her hand. “Might fuck you though.”

Harry shuddered, which none of them missed, Mal’s grin broadening.

Thankfully Ben decided to take pity on Harry and cleared his throat, turning his attention to Chad. “That um- that is if you don’t mind, Chad.”

“Um- me?” Chad asked, going so far as to point to himself. “You don’t actually have to do anything if you don’t want to, Ben.”

“He wants to,” Mal assured him, running a hand through Chad’s blond curls. “Trust me.  He wants to.  This is like a dream come true for preteen Ben.”

“Mal,” Ben whined, shifting uneasily while Chad and Harry puzzled that over.

“Point is, he probably wants to eat you out too,” Mal continued, unabashed. “So, I dunno, let’s try again tomorrow?  Same time?”

“Fucking fine,” Harry said, like that wouldn’t get him two diamonds closer to this all being over. 

“Neat,” Mal chirped. “Now, who’s up for a bath?”

“I don’t think Harry’s tub is big enough,” Chad said, still flushed with confusion.

Mal offered him a bright grin. “Ours is, though,” she said, and then with a wave of her hand there was a flash of light, and then-

So this must be the king’s suite. 

Harry would have spent more time appreciating it and the giant bed they had been teleported onto were he not immediately exposed to the surprised expressions of Gil and Jay, who seemed to be in Ben’s royal suite for whatever damn reason.

“What the fuck?” Jay said, the pile of papers he’d been attempting to leave on Ben’s desk slipping out of his hand and scattering all over the ground. “What the fuck, Mal?”

“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me, Jay,” Mal snapped, shoving to her feet with an unimpressed tilt of her head. “Why the fuck are you sneaking around our quarters?”

“We um- we did some research,” Gil mumbled, flushed as he desperately tried to avoid looking at the naked queen-to-be and ended up staring at Harry instead. “We thought we’d leave it as a surprise-”

“Because we have been working,” Jay cut in, his cheeks flooding with heat. “While you guys have been off having orgies, apparently.”

“Don’t act like you and Gil don’t make out on the regular,” Mal snapped, arms folding underneath her bare chest. “We’re allowed to take breaks, same as you.”

“To have sex with Harry?” Jay asked, his voice cracking. “And fucking Chad?”

“If that’s who we want,” Mal said, not giving an inch.

“But why them?” Jay pressed. “Why not me?”

That seemed to be the sticking point, the words ringing through the air with undeniable vulnerability, making the tension grow in a sudden crescendo.

Mal cocked her head to the side, reevaluating. “Is that what the problem is?”

“I’ve been good to you,” Jay said. “I work hard, I- I try to be a good friend.”  He looked down at himself. “I’m um- I’m fairly good looking.”

“Jadir,” Mal said, breaking out his full name to indicate the seriousness of the situation.  She took a step forward, fingers hooking underneath his chin until he was forced to look up. “You are very pretty,” she said. “That was never a question.”

“Then why shut me out?” Jay asked, and it almost seemed like a whine. “I could… I could be good to you,” he said, his gaze flicking over to Ben with a flush. “Good to both of you.”

Harry heard the king’s breath catch, and it was then that the first mate knew he was in over his head entirely. 

“Stupid Jay,” Mal muttered, making the Agraben’s expression fall for a second before she was dragging him across the room and shoving him into Ben’s arms. “Fine.  You’re ours now.” She turned to look over her shoulder to Gil who was still standing there, gripped by uncertainty. “You want in, sweetheart?”

“Me?” Gil asked, like it seemed too good to be true. “I um- if you don’t mind.”

“They’d better not fucking mind,” Harry snapped, unable to hold his silence.

“Fear not, Hook,” Mal assured him, shooting a wink over her shoulder as she crossed to take Gil’s broad hands in hers. “We’ll give Gil the attention he deserves.”

“Oh, wow,” Gil murmured, following Mal’s tugs with open reverence. “Does um… do I get to kiss Harry, then?”

“Of course, sweetie,” Mal said, pressing a kiss to Gil’s cheek before motioning him towards the first mate. “Why not?  Fuck conventional rules.”

“Um,” Chad said, sitting up as the second mate crawled over to Harry’s side of the bed. “What’s happening?”

“We’re establishing a sex group,” Mal decided, grinning when Ben began to nuzzle Jay’s neck, not that Harry had time to focus on that because Gil seemed determined to box Harry into the pillows.

“Hey, Harry,” the second mate greeted shyly, his gaze traveling Harry’s form with a dark flush. “May I kiss you?”

“Gilly,” Harry sighed. “Captain would have my head if we did that.”

He held onto the apologetic delivery to distract himself from the tension building in his chest, his heart starting to beat too fast.  He couldn’t go down this road with Gil.  It wouldn’t be something Harry could come back from, he was pretty sure.  The blond would be kind, attentive for as long as he could be before he moved on, and then Harry would be at a loss again, worse off knowing about the thing he couldn’t keep rather than mindlessly wondering.

“Ah,” Mal mused, pressing her fingers together. “But what happens in sex group is a secret.”

“Really?” Gil perked up, looking over his shoulder with a grin before turning that radiant thing back onto Harry. “That means Uma doesn’t have to know!  So you can touch me!”

“Could he um… not touch you before?” Jay asked, cheeks flushed because Ben was making it his job to suck at the Agraben’s neck, Jay already pulled into his lap, his legs spread wide.

“Uma didn’t want him to,” Gil said as he traced a hand down Harry’s side, seeming to savor the feel of pale skin. “She was afraid he’d hurt me, but Harry would never do that.  He hooks anyone that messes with me.”

“That’s because it would make the crew look bad if I didn’t,” Harry snapped, shivering under Gil’s careless attentions. 

“Yeah, but you’ll let me sleep in your room if I have nightmares, and that doesn’t make the crew look bad,” Gil chirped, casually releasing the information Harry had explicitly told him never to share. “Harry’s sweet, he just pretends not to be ‘cuz he’s first mate.”

“I fucking don’t-” Harry snarled, but then Gil was kissing him, insistent and clumsy and making up with this with an astounding amount of enthusiasm. 

Harry should pull away, but he immediately found himself whining into the contact, opening his mouth so he could kiss Gil deeper, the stupid lug following Harry’s enchanted whims eagerly. 

“Alright, Charming,” Harry heard Mal muse distantly. “You want Jay, or Gil?”

Harry heard Chad’s breath catch. “I’m um- pretty sure neither of them want me to-”

“Jay does,” Mal interrupted with a cackle. “Get over there and tease him, would you?”

“Um,” Chad said, but Harry caught him crawling over to the Ben/Jay huddle in nervous movements, his head hung almost bashfully.

“Fuck you, Mal,” Jay whined as Ben cupped a hand between his legs, rubbing at the growing bulge while Chad settled in front of him. “Seriously-”

“You’re welcome,” Mal cackled, and then she was crawling over towards Gil and Harry, lounging beside them like a queen on her throne. “How you fellas doing?”

“Good,” Gil admitted with a dark flush. “Thanks, Mal.  I’ve been wanting to kiss Harry forever.”

“Gilly,” Harry murmured, trying hard not to gasp because the blond could do a lot better than him.  Gil was one of the good things on the Isle. He wasn’t wrecked like Harry.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to touch him,” Gil continued, looking over Harry’s form with a blush. “So um- thank you.”

Mal gifted the blond a genuine smile. “It’s my pleasure, sweetheart.”  Her gaze dropped lower, between Gil’s legs. “You getting excited?”

“Um.” Gil shifted, and Harry – despite knowing better – let his gaze drop, his breath catching when he realized Gil had gotten worked up just from kissing him. 

The effect was instantaneous, Harry flooding with a familiar heat despite just having Chad and Ben. 

“Sweet evil,” Mal mused, her hand sliding around Harry’s length to give him a firm pump. “That get your motor revving, Hook?”

“Fuck off, Mal,” Harry snapped, trailing off with a groan when she started working him up and down. “F-Fuck-”

“I think he wanted to kiss you too, Gil,” Mal hummed, making the blond’s grin spread wide. “Think he’s wanted it for a while.”

“F-Forbidden fruit.” Harry scrambled to think of an excuse. “That’s all-”

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much,” she said, grinding her palm against him with a particularly hard slide.  “Hey Gilly, why don’t you go ahead and strip out of your clothes, sweetheart?”

“S-Seriously, Mal,” Harry groaned, rutting into her hand. “Uma would kill me-”

“Uma would kill the world before she hurt a hair on your head,” Mal drawled, rolling her eyes. “You’re the only person who can’t see that.”

That was because he was the only person who knew Uma, who truly got her, and Mal might think this was fun now, but if Uma ever found out about it the laughs would be over.

And yet, instead of leaving, instead of rising on his own two feet and walking away, he let the princess work him up, biting more marks against his shoulders while Gil eagerly stripped out of his clothes.

“Chad,” Ben purred, sucking a mark under Jay’s jaw. “Could you help me get Jay out of his clothes?”

“Um- sure,” Chad stuttered while Jay moaned, his own hips shifting upwards in desperate bid for attention. 

What the hell was even happening?  It was like the enchantress had made them all crazy. 

“Hey, Harry!” Gil greeted when he bounced onto the bed, beautifully naked and making Harry pulse, the first mate moaning at the sight of him.

“You really are sweet,” Mal said, her voice low enough that it was just for Harry. “Don’t worry, Hook.  You won’t ruin him with your love.”

“I don’t fucking love him,” Harry hissed, struggling to stay coherent.

“Okay,” Mal huffed. “We’ll work our way up to that.” Before Harry could respond, she was raising her voice again. “Would you like to fuck Harry, sweetheart?  Ben got him ready for you.”

“Oh wow,” Gil said, looking Harry over like he was some kind of treasure, a boon, and Harry-

He gave up, letting the blond push his legs up so he could slide into the first mate too, all while Mal teased between his legs, alternating between sucking Harry’s lips and letting Gil kiss him, the two of them working to break Harry down to nothing while Ben and Chad did the same with Jay.

So.

Fucking curses.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“I don’t know what fucking happened,” Harry snarled later when he and Chad cuddled together in Audrey’s tub, the princess cradled between them, taking note of each and every bruise that graced their bodies. “I thought Mal and Ben were a stretch, and then fucking Jay and Gil were just-”

He trailed off with an inarticulate sound of frustration.

Chad shrugged, his cheeks seeming marked with a permanent flush. “It seems like more than sex,” he admitted. “At least, for Harry.  Gil really likes him and Jay likes Gil and Mal likes Jay-”

“Jay likes ye, idiot,” Harry snarled, sinking into the warm water. “He stares at your ass all the time.”

“That he does,” Audrey hummed, making Chad’s blush darken. “He’s got a weakness for blonds obviously, and Mal has a weakness for Jay.”

“So… what is this?” Chad asked. “If it’s more than sex?  Can groups of people date?”

“I don’t know,” Audrey sighed, letting her head fall back with a frown. “But it figures Mal would find a way to make it happen if it could.”

“Hey,” Chad said, turning a serious expression onto the princess. “I’m yours first, okay?  BFFs to the end.”

“And, ye know,” Harry began, pointedly averting his gaze elsewhere. “You’re my friend too or whatever.”

“Harold,” Audrey gasped with mock exaggeration, pressing a hand to her chest. “Openly admitting to friendship?  What happened to the evil boy I knew?”

“Ye fucking know my name is Harrison,” Harry snapped. “Don’t make a big deal out of this-”

“I’ll make a big deal if I want to,” Audrey shot back, moving to straddle Harry’s lap. “In fact, how would you like to fuck something for once?”

“Um,” Harry said, cursing life, the universe, everything, because of course those words made him hard again.

“Not me,” Audrey cooed as she wrapped a hand around his member, jerking him lazily. “I meant Chad.  I’ll be fucking you.”

“Oh,” Chad blinked, and then started scrambling from the water. “I’ll just- okay-”

“You’re a vicious human, Audrey,” Harry groaned as she teased him just enough not to be satisfying. “Let no one tell ye different.”

“It’s why you like me so much,” Audrey said with a flutter of her lashes.  And-

Well.

She wasn’t wrong.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“We need rules,” Mal declared at the second meeting of the ‘sex group’ or whatever the fuck they were calling this thing. 

It had been less organic than their first impromptu get together, orchestrated by a series of pointed texts from Mal that had all of them retreating to the king’s suite under the airs of doing something important, when really they were going to do something that could be considered entirely recreational and unnecessary.  

They had just finished up their sordid business – Harry having spent far too much of it grappling with Jay before Mal fucked him open with her fingers, cooing at his ‘preparation’ before the Agraben tried to fuck Harry into the bed.  Of course that wouldn’t do, so it was Harry that pressed him flat on his back, riding Jay like it was his damn job, Mal laughing at their excitement while she busied herself with Gil. 

Of course, there was also the distracting image of Chad’s legs hooked over Ben’s shoulders while the king growled a perpetual stream of praise into the blond’s neck, that seemed so intense it left Harry feeling overwhelmed, and he was on the other damn side of the bed.

Now that they were spent, Harry had deigned to allow Jay to cuddle him with a roll of his eyes and tried to ignore the way Mal looked them over like she was begging to draw a picture.  He fingered his bracelet instead, admiring the four new colored diamonds that had been added to it.  Royal blue for the king, yellow for Gilly.  Mal, of course, got purple while Jadir was a deep crimson.  Eight down, one to go. 

Quite by accident, Harry was almost at the end. 

“Yeah,” Ben murmured, his lips buried in Chad’s curls as he cradled the naked prince against his chest. “That sounds good.”

“Rules for what?” Harry asked, annoyed that their relative peace had been interrupted by bureaucracy.  “I think we’ve got the sex-shit figured out.”

Mal rolled her eyes at Harry, like he was the one being difficult. “I meant for communication and stuff.  Obviously this is private, but we’re also not always going to be able to get everyone together.”

Because summer would be ending soon, and with it would come the future where Harry had to figure out who he was in Auradon, where Chad went to college, where Audrey was tutored at home while she carried out her house arrest.  A lot of the others would be going to school too- and Gil and Jay were going on their big damn adventure while Uma helped with Isle reforms…

It filled Harry with dread just to think about it. 

“So I thought we’d discuss if we’re okay with that,” Mal continued. “I thought it would be better to hash this shit out rather than leave it up in the air.”

“Good call, Mal,” Jay murmured, forever a suck up. “I’m okay with smaller groups.”

“Me too,” Gil hummed, followed by a chorus of agreement.

“Okay,” Mal said. “But if someone starts feeling left out-”

“You mean Chad?” Jay asked, his expression loose and sleepy.

And yet, Harry was ready to wring his damn neck. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he growled, shaking out of Jay’s hold so he could properly stare at the other teen.

That seemed to make Jay more coherent, the Agraben staring up at Harry in confusion. “I mean, he’s not as close to us, so we need to make sure he feels involved-”

“He meant that nicely, Harry,” Chad said, but his cheeks were dusted with an embarrassed flush, so Harry wasn’t buying it. “He wasn’t trying to be mean.”

“Like me and you,” Jay continued. “We’re closer than-”

“We’re not fucking close, ye fuck,” Harry snapped, sliding off the bed so he could start searching for his clothes.  And probably Chad’s clothes, since the prince wasn’t close to them. 

“O…kay,” Mal sighed. “This is why I’m glad we’re having this conversation now.”

In his peripherals, Harry caught Jay sitting up. “We’re close, Harry.”

“Aw man,” Chad sighed, slipping out of Ben’s hold, much to the king’s confusion. “That is not how you want to start that argument, Jay.”    

“Yeah,” Gil added with a sage hum. “Harry took his rivalry with you very seriously.”

“That was my job,” Harry snapped, yanking his Audrey-approved underwear on in frustrated movements.

“Yeah,” Gil agreed, his pretty hair hanging around his face like a golden waterfall. “But now it’s not.  So you don’t have to be mad at him all the time.”

Harry didn’t say anything as he stepped into his pants, tried not to be pleased by the fact that Chad was redressing as well out of solidarity.

Ben cleared his throat. “…are you guys dating?”

“Aw man,” Chad repeated while Harry froze. “That is also a thing you don’t want to ask.  And also we’re not,” he added, shooting Harry a thumbs up.  “We are bros.”

“Are you bros because Harry can’t handle that kind of commitment?” Mal asked, like Harry wasn’t standing right the fuck there. 

“Ye said this was casual,” Harry snapped. “This- all this, is supposed to be casual.  So is it, or is it not?”

Harry held her gaze for a long moment, and he should feel more fortified as a person who was half dressed while she was entirely naked, and yet he still felt like a damn idiot, like everyone there could see though him.

Eventually, Mal sighed. “It’s casual,” she decided, flopping back against Gil. “The epitome of casual.  Casual friendship sex time.”

“Why don’t we stick to being in one group for now?” the king added, all diplomatic like. 

“Yeah,” Mal said. “That’s probably for the best.”  

Chapter Text

“Did you know about this?” Uma snarled, storming into Harry’s life on a day of no particular importance. 

Harry had been slumped across his bed, engaged in different text conversations because Evie had given Mal his number who gave it to Ben and Jay and Gil (and sure, he’d had the second mate’s number before, but he hadn’t damn used it), and now Harry had to juggle those four nuisances in his already thriving social life.  It was preposterous.  He sort of loved it.

So he wasn’t really prepared to deal with Uma’s anger, considering the fact that he hadn’t seen her all that much since they’d moved into the castle.  Most of this was due to the fear of his enchantment being revealed to her, or worse, acting up around her, and he couldn’t handle his captain thinking he was a useless slut. 

“About what, captain?” Harry asked, deftly putting his phone away and sliding to his feet in an effort to appear more professional.

“About Gil,” Uma snapped. “I knew Jay was getting sweet on him – hard to fucking miss that, but apparently Mal’s recruited him into some kind of sex thing!  Gil.  Our Gil, and she thinks that’s okay!” She stormed around the room in an aimless rampage, lost to her anger.  And then suddenly she turned, fixing the full brunt of her ire on him.  “So I’ll ask you again, did you know about it?” 

There was no use hiding the truth from Uma.  Harry could manage it on occasion, but only when he’d been given adequate time to prepare.  To plan.  He’d kept the truth about his alternate forms of money acquisition to himself on the Isle through misdirection, letting her make assumptions, but here-

She already knew, and Harry might be a shitty pirate, but he respected Uma too much to lie to her. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, letting his shoulders slump. “I knew.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Uma hissed, advancing on him with true menace. “The moment you knew you should have said something.”  

“It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal,” Harry pressed, and he knew it was the exact wrong thing to say when she bared her teeth at him.

“You fucking know it’s a big deal,” she snapped. “To Gil, it’s a huge deal.  You know that, Harry.  He can’t do casual things.  He’s gonna throw himself into this whole-heartedly and it was fine when it was just Jay because he knew he had to take care of Gil, but Mal?  Ben?  They’re off the market.  They can’t give Gil shit, and he’s gonna expect it, because he has the stupid notion that sex equals love!”

It was a conversation they’d had many times before, Harry and Uma working together to best protect their second mate from the horrors of the Isle.  Gil was the sunshine of their crew, the one that kept moral boosted.  He was strong and useful, but tragically naïve.  It made him a prime target for many unsavory characters, and Harry had arranged for more than one disappearance to maintain the blond’s happiness. 

They didn’t have many good things in life, but Gil had been one of them.

“He’ll be okay, Uma,” Harry said. “Jay will take care of him, and Mal wouldn’t be cruel-”

“Fucking shit, Harry,” Uma snarled, looking at him as though seeing him for the first time.  Her anger seemed to be tinged with something else, something sadder, like regret, maybe.  No worse, disappointment. “I expected you to be furious about this.  I expected you to fight, but you already knew about it…” she trailed off with a shake of her head, pointedly averting her gaze. “Are you in on it too, Harry?”

Harry felt his stomach drop like a stone, his chest fill with ice and tension all in one, but there was no lying to his captain. 

He nodded. “Yes, captain.”

“You son of a bitch!” she snarled, purposefully pushing herself away so she wouldn’t lash out at him. “I can’t fucking believe you, Harry!  Risking Gil’s happiness just so you could get some-”

“It isn’t a big deal!” Harry repeated. “Uma, the king’s not gonna hurt him-”

“That’s the worst part!” Uma said. “Because they’re not just using Gil for sex.  They like him.  They’ll be nice to him, be friends with him, they’ll treat him as fucking good as he deserves but they won’t love him, not the way he will them.”  She dropped her voice low, staring at him with wet eyes. “Not the way he’ll love you.”

“He won’t-” Harry pressed. “He won’t, Uma, I promise-”

“No,” she snarled. “You hope.” She advanced on him, and this time she didn’t stop until she was pushing into his space, one hand firm on his chest until he was backed against the bed.  She shoved him down onto it. “You hope, because you were so desperate for a lay that you risked your crewmate.  So desperate for someone to touch you that you went behind my back.  Do you know how this makes me look?  I have to work with Mal, Harry.  I have to have her respect, and how am I supposed to have that when she’s fucking my two righthand men!”  She loomed over him, glaring at his sprawled out form.  “And the worst thing is I found out because she thought I already knew.  She thought you would have told me, because you’re supposed to tell me everything!  But you didn’t, because you wanted someone to tell you you’re pretty and have sex with you so you could pretend to know what love was like.”

Harry sat up, tried to draw his knees towards his chest as he filled with a dreadful heat, Uma’s words managing to trigger the worst parts of his enchantment.  He felt too hot, face flushed and breath coming faster, but now was not the fucking time.  “Uma…”

She froze, chest heaving with exertion before she looked at him, really looked at him, then snarled. “I can’t fucking believe this,” she growled, wrapping her hands around Harry’s ankles and yanking them towards her, pulling his legs wide.  It made it impossible to hide his predicament, and Uma’s rage only grew when she heard Harry’s whine. “You’re horny now?”

“C-Captain…” Harry gasped, because she was still yanking him forward, closer to the edge of the bed.

“I mean, of course you are,” Uma said. “You always think with your dick.  All those people you flirt with-”

“That was for us,” Harry pressed.

“But you got an added benefit, didn’t you?” Uma challenged.  She reached a hand forward, Harry’s brain refusing to acknowledge where it could be headed until it landed between his legs, grinding hard against his erection. “How often did you get worked up pulling those deals for me?  What did you like about it?  The thrill?  You know none of those people gave an actual shit about you.”

“I know,” Harry whimpered. “Captain, please-”

“No,” Uma snapped, and then she was undoing his belt, opening up his pants while his breath caught in his chest. “You don’t get to ask for mercy right now.  Not with this, Harry.  You know I don’t care how you get rocks off, but this is affecting us.”  She dragged his clothing down, underwear and all, then flipped Harry over.  He groaned when his dick scraped against the soft bedding. “Hips up, Harry.”

With a swallow, he moved to follow her orders, pushing up onto his hands and knees. 

A hand tangled in his hair, and he found his face pushed back into the bedding. “Just your hips,” Uma ordered, knowing exactly what she was asking for.  She wanted Harry in this vulnerable, humiliating position.  She wanted him to hurt, because she was mad. 

His breath caught at the first smack of her hand against his bottom, the hard edges of her jewelry digging into him.  This wasn’t the first time she had spanked him, he’d always been a little shit, but this was the first it’d happened while Harry was aroused.   

“You should be better than this,” she snarled, peppering his skin with a series of furious blows that made his length throb. “What did you think, that just because we’re in Auradon now the rules don’t apply?”

“N-No-”

“Then why would you let this happen?” She smacked him again, hard, the painful jolt mixing with a strong pulse of pleasure that left him moaning against the blankets. 

She froze, hand cupping the abused curve of his rear. “Fucking hell, Harry.  It’s like I don’t even know you anymore, it’s like…” she trailed off, Harry’s heart pounding furiously in his throat as he tried to process the overwhelming series of inputs, and then he felt her part his cheeks. “Were you prepping yourself?” she asked, scraping a finger against his dripping entrance, making him whine. “Getting yourself ready for another lay?”

“Uma-” 

“How many?” she asked as she shoved two fingers carelessly inside him – Uma, his captain, fingering him in earnest.  She hadn’t even taken off her gloves, her jewelry.  He could feel the scrape and stretch of each piece. “How many people have you slept with since we got here, Harry?”

Harry thrashed against the covers, his hips rutting back into her rough attentions.  “Captain-”

“I want names,” she snapped, shoving another finger in and curling. “Who have you been throwing yourself at?  Who, Harry?  I need to know.”

“M-Mal,” he groaned as she found that bundle of nerves, her fingers scraping against it with a ruthless drag that left him keening. “B-Ben-”

“Gil?” Uma challenged, speeding the rate of her thrusts, her movements accompanied by lewd squishing sounds.

“Y-Yes,” Harry breathed. “And um- Jay.”

“Great,” Uma hissed, one hand curled around Harry’s hip to brace him so she could really fuck him on her fingers. “Who else?”

“Captain,” Harry gasped, his face feeling unbearably hot.  He knew he was about to lose it, struggled to come to terms with the fact that Uma was the one to bring him to completion, though her interest did not lie in his enjoyment.

“Who else?” Uma repeated, jabbing a fourth finger in. “Ben and Mal are in council today and Jay and Gil are out on the docks.” She must have checked that before coming to confront Harry. “So who the hell were you preparing yourself for?”

“N-No one,” Harry breathed, because it was true. “I was just-”

“Who else?!” A hard thrust and Harry felt himself fall apart, slick spattering the bottom of his chin, his chest – Uma not seeming to register a moment of it, her hand moving relentlessly.

“E-Evie,” Harry gasped, a certain heat building behind his eyes. “And Doug.”

“That nerdy guy?” Uma sounded confused by that, the hand on his hip loosening slightly before she continued thrusting with a vengeance. “Did you let him fuck you?”

“Y-Yes,” Harry moaned. “I asked-”

“Of course you asked,” Uma snarled. “And you let Evie watch since you’re such a gentleman.  Now, who else?”

“I-” Harry squeezed his eyes shut, breath coming in rough gasps as he got worked up again. “I um-”

“I’m tired of asking, Harry,” Uma snapped. “If you make me ask everyone you’ve interacted with-”

“C-Chad,” Harry moaned, the name drawn out and strangled. “And um- Audrey.  That’s it.”

“Chad?” Uma growled, her tone tinged with incredulity. “You had sex with that useless prince?”

“H-He’s not useless,” Harry gasped. “A little dumb, but-”

“You had sex with the psycho princess who tried to take over the kingdom?” Uma continued as though she hadn’t heard him. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

“Uma-”

“You’ve got to be punished, Harry,” she said, her voice sounding tight.  Regretful. “You can’t keep doing shit like this – throwing yourself at our allies-”

“Uma.”

“You have to learn,” she said, her voice thick with… something.  Unhappiness, maybe.  “So if you want sex so bad…”

“C-Captain?” Harry tensed as he felt another digit pressing against his entrance, working its way in with the other four fingers. “W-What are ye-”

“I don’t want to do this,” she said, that extra digit straining against Harry’s muscles. “But you’ve gone too far this time, Harry.”

“Captain-” Harry’s breath caught, because he knew what she was doing.  It made a certain string of panic spike through his chest. “Captain, please.”

“Bear down, Harry,” she ordered, and then she got back to the unpleasant business of pushing the rest of her fist inside her first mate.

“Uma!” Harry groaned, trapped between pain an ecstasy, his dick hard against his stomach. “Uma, Uma please-”    

“I’m gonna find a way to clean up your mess,” she murmured as she pressed him open, split him apart and still urged her fist deeper.  “We’ll cut it off at the pass – sit Gil down and explain everything, sit Jay down and explain shit to him, and then I’ll deal with Mal and you-”

Harry sobbed, overwhelmed with pain and humiliation.  He couldn’t help but clutch around her, couldn’t help but register that relentless buzz when she pressed against that spot.

“You’re gonna stop,” Uma said, and once she had her fist fully in him, she started working it in and out, fucking him in earnest. “All this, you’re gonna stop.  Go back to getting together with random fangirls.  Fanboys.  Whatever.  You can flirt with whoever you want as long as they’re not royalty or living in this damn castle-”

“Uma, Uma please-” Harry croaked, his hips shifting into her fist.  He could feel tears leak from the corners of his eyes, his chest feeling so tight he could barely breathe.  “Uma-”

“That’s captain, to you,” Uma snapped, where normally she would have drawled something about that being her name, their own private exchange, but Harry didn’t deserve that anymore.  He’d ruined it by getting cursed like an idiot, and now he had to face the consequences because he had been thinking with his dick.  He’d thought Gil was fine, but he obviously hadn’t been thinking.  He’d been selfish.  Short sighted. 

“C-Captain,” Harry gasped. “Please, I’ll d-do better-”

“You will,” Uma said, a threat and promise all in one. “You have to, Harry.  You have to, because you’re a damn hero now.  And heroes don’t- they don’t sleep around all the time.”

“I don’t-” Harry gasped. “I didn’t- I didn’t, Uma.”

“But you did,” Uma said, shoving her fist forward. “And now we’ve got to deal with that.”

Harry shattered again with a sob, his breath coming so hard he could barely manage to keep conscious, stay coherent.  It hurt, her fist, her words, it all hurt, and Harry didn’t mean to ruin things, it just seemed like something he did without trying.

“Harry,” Uma sighed over the sounds of his growing sobs. “Harry.”

“What the fuck, Uma?”

Harry half-hoped he’d hallucinated it, but Evie’s voice was unmistakable in its fury, and he managed to crane his head back just enough to catch the princess standing next to Doug in the doorway, the musician’s eyes wide while Evie was furious.

“Back off, Hatzfeld,” Uma drawled, her fist still very much inside Harry, her back to the door so they missed nothing, could easily see the sight of Harry wrecked from his captain’s administrations. “This is crew business.”

“You get the fuck away from him right now,” Evie said, her tone low and menacing. “Right now, Uma.”

“You know how crew’s work,” Uma shot back, her muscles tensing. “Negative behavior must be punished.”

“Not like this and you know it,” Evie said, and then she was across the room, her hand curled around Uma’s arm. “Now fucking back off.”

“It’s okay,” Doug soothed – Doug, nerdy, innocent Doug was climbing onto the bed, leaning down so he could cup Harry’s cheek while he sobbed against the blankets. “It’s okay, Harry.  It’s going to be okay.”

“Stop doting on him!” Uma snapped, her fist shoving in deeper, making Harry choke.

“We can take care of him if we want to!” Evie snarled back, taking a step away to dig through her purse. “He’s our friend!”

“Who you have sex with?” Uma challenged.

“Sometimes.” Evie didn’t back down an inch. “And that’s allowed.  That’s okay, as long as we communicate and are on the same page, and you sure as shit don’t get to judge him for it, now back the fuck away, Uma.”

“Whatever!” Uma snapped, and then she was pulling her hand out of Harry, backing away with a growl. “No wonder he was chasing your skirt.  With that kind of encouragement-”

“Uma,” Evie interrupted, her voice very tight. “Polygamy is a thing.  Look it up, and find a way to deal with your issues without hurting anyone else.”

“S-Sorry,” Harry gasped when Doug pulled him up against his chest, letting Harry slump against him while helpless tears poured down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Doug murmured, brushing Harry’s tears away with his thumbs. “It’s not your fault, Harry.”

“Yes, it fucking is,” Uma hissed. “Don’t tell him that.”

“Sweet Evil, Uma,” Evie snapped, forcing herself between Uma and the bed so Harry was protected from her. “You’re not the only one who loves Gil!  And the only reason Harry won’t come near you is because he respects you so damn much.”

“I don’t want to hear this-”

“Hear how you’re jealous?” Evie challenged. “Well you fucking should, because your anger just led you to hurt one of the people you care about most.”

“W-What’s she talking about?” Harry gasped, trembling in Doug’s arms. “She was just… I messed up- I made her look bad-”

Evie turned, shooting a sorrowful look over her shoulder. “You went to everyone for affection except her.  I think she’s just hurt-”

“I am not,” Umar snarled.

“So what?” Evie shot back. “You’re just a monster, then?  None of us made Harry sob.”

There was a pointed moment of silence, all of them struggling to come to terms with what had just happened, Evie’s words resonating through the air like a bitter echo.

Harry knew that he could sometimes set Uma off, that he could get her so worked up that she lost her usual cool reserve and submitted to anger.  He had that effect on people, he wasn’t upset by it, he just wished that Evie and Doug hadn’t accidentally become privy to it.

But because Harry was particularly useless that evening, there wasn’t much he could do aside from weakly cry against Doug, covered in his own slick with his clothes still pulled down his legs, debauched and stretched and wincing in pain.

That was the sight that greeted Chad when he casually strolled into the room, no doubt intent to share a new selection of memes with Harry before they devolved into a casual make out session.  The blond’s smile disappeared almost as soon as he entered the room, and while Harry wanted to warn him about Uma’s resurging anger, the blond completely bypassed the captain and Evie to climb up on Harry’s other side, the prince wrapping around his back and pressing a few kisses to his shoulder. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Chad soothed. “It’s okay.”

“S-Stop calling me that,” Harry growled, but it came off wet and pathetic, his throat thick with tears.

“Definitely not doing that,” Chad said as he ran a hand through Harry’s dark locks. “Because you are our sweet boy.  And you try to act grumpy to cover up how awkward you are about being nice but tough luck, we like you.”

“S-Stupid,” Harry grumbled, fresh tears pouring down his cheeks. “You’re stupid.”

“Uh-huh,” Chad hummed, nuzzling Harry’s shoulder before turning his attention to Doug. “For clarification, it was Uma that did this, right?” Doug nodded. “Okay.  Evie, my dear, would you grab my ankle?” he asked as he wrapped an arm around Harry and Doug. 

The princess blinked, but complied.

“What are you doing?” Uma asked, her expression pinched. “Is this some sort of-”

Chad teleported them between one moment and the next, the lot of them collapsing on Audrey’s bed.

Luckily, the princess was across the room at her desk, no doubt reviewing paperwork, and her gaze widened when she saw the state of them.

“Who did it?” she snapped, strolling across the room and bypassing Evie so she could cuddle Chad and Harry herself. “Who the fuck did this?”

“It was Uma,” Chad said, his chest heaving, exhaustion clear in his features because he’d just teleported four people to a different kingdom.

“Are we in Auroria?” Doug asked, looking around Audrey’s room in wonder.

“Long story short – Chad’s been training himself to be a wizard,” Audrey said as she dabbed Harry’s face with a pink handkerchief. “The first thing he mastered was teleportation so we could still hang out.  Evie-” She addressed the princess without looking away from Harry. “Could you run a bath, please?  I’ve got some bath salts that might help with the strain.”

“I fucked up,” Harry croaked, unable to hold it in anymore. “I was thinking with my stupid dick-”

“I think everyone here can agree you have a very nice dick,” Chad soothed, pressing a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Very pretty, super responsive.”

The words were intended as encouragement, but Harry waited in horrible anticipation because those were definite triggers – pretty compliments that always filled him with a certain heat, accept-

He didn’t feel anything but humiliation and pain, and it was then that he looked at his bracelet and found the last diamond shining a brilliant aqua color, the same shade as Uma’s hair.

He started sobbing again.

“Aw, fuck,” Chad murmured, sounding panicked. “What’s wrong?”

“The bracelet,” Audrey said. “Look, his curse is broken.”

“His curse?” Evie echoed. “What curse?”

“But why is he crying?” Chad asked as though he hadn’t heard her. “Wouldn’t that make him happy?  Now he doesn’t have to talk to us if he doesn’t want to.”

Harry bit down viciously on his bottom lip, trying to stifle his croons while Doug attempted to sooth him with a look of hopeless confusion.

“Chad, you idiot,” Audrey growled. “Now he doesn’t have an excuse to talk to us every day.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Evie pressed, sounding more put off. “What curse?”

“Run a bath and we’ll tell you,” Audrey said, though her attention was on Harry. “But for now-”

“D-Don’t,” Harry sputtered, as though he had any pride left. “Don’t p-pity me.”

“Asshole,” Audrey said, smacking the back of his head lightly. “Do you take me as a kind of person who doesn’t do exactly what she wants?  I don’t pity anyone, least of all you.  Now, we-” She motioned between herself and Chad. “Are yours for as long as you want us, and sure, now you can’t get magically aroused – that just means we’ll have to work for it the old-fashioned way.”

“You’re still good in our book,” Chad told him earnestly, giving Harry a bright smile.

“Even if-” Harry swallowed, his voice rough. “Even if I- I got off on-”

“Harry,” Audrey began, cupping his face between tan fingers. “It was magic.  And even if it wasn’t, we don’t kink shame here.  Whatever hang-ups you think we might have on you- they’re not problems, okay?  We don’t care how many other people you’re also attracted to.  Remember what I said the first day I met you?”

Harry struggled to search his mind, trying to review the frantic whirlwind that was his first meeting with Audrey. “Fuck people who judge us-”

“-for what happiness we can find,” Audrey said sagely, staring him dead in the eyes. “I still mean that.  You make me happy.  Chad makes me happy.  Fuck any bullshit that gets in the way of that.”

Unable to help himself, Harry laughed. “S-So articulate.”

“I know,” Audrey soothed, giving him a wry smile. “That’s why you like me so much.”

“Yeah,” Harry murmured, and he was treated to a soft kiss despite the fact that he was easily at the lowest Audrey had ever seen him.

“Hey,” Chad said, poking Harry’s arm. “Me too.”

Audrey pulled back so Chad could duck in, and then the prince was replaced with Doug, who refused to be left out.

And then, even more embarrassingly, Evie kissed him too. 

Evie.  The princess.

“He’s got a thing about royalty,” Audrey told her when Evie took a moment to look at Harry’s flushed expression. “Now, let’s get started on that damn bath.  I think we could all use it.”

“Okay,” Evie said, and that seemed to be that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Doug was embarrassed to strip down in front of Audrey, but eventually through the combined efforts of Audrey’s complete apathy and Evie’s coaxing, all five of them end up huddled in Audrey’s large tub, Harry safely cradled between the two princesses while he shook through his residual pain.

“We didn’t get the full story,” Audrey explained. “But essentially Harry had to be intimate with nine people or else he’d just be like, magically horny all the time.”

“Uma was number nine,” Chad added. “So now he’s back to normal.”

“That is… a weird curse,” Evie said, Harry’s hand safely cradled in hers.  Occasionally she would bring it up to her lips so she could kiss it, or even more embarrassingly Doug would lean over so he could do the same.

“It was a um… fucking weird witch that gave it to me,” Harry said, flushed and aching and stupidly vulnerable.

Audrey perked up. “A witch gave it to you?”

“Right after the Barrier Celebration,” Harry explained. “She kept going on about how it was supposed to help me accept what I truly want or some shit.”

“You want a lot of sex?” Doug tried, seeming confused.

“Affection,” Audrey corrected. “He wanted affection but she couldn’t make him horny for that, so she just did the next best thing.”

“It was stupid,” Harry grumbled. “I don’t need affection.”

“I mean, no one needs it,” Audrey pressed. “That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

“You know that, right?” Chad asked, stretching an arm around Audrey so he could grip Harry’s hand.

The pirate pointedly did not look at any of them. “Look,” he said, exhaling hard through his nose. “I’m an asshole.  The only thing I’m good at is fighting, intimidation, and blowjobs, and none of those are useful skills in Auradon.  In the grand scheme of things, I’m fucking useless.  Just some mindless fighter.”

“You’re not mindless anything,” Audrey snarled, curling into him. “You’re protective of what’s yours and always try to steady us.  You’ve been conditioned your whole life to be evil but the fact that you dedicated yourself to protecting your crew shows that you’re not, so cut yourself some fucking slack, you blockheaded asshole.”

“What Audrey means,” Evie cut in, forever the diplomat. “Is that you are loyal and kind and brave – especially now when you’re trying to find your new way through Auradon.  You’re scared of the future, and that’s okay.  A lot of us are.”

“I sure am,” Chad hummed, squeezing Harry’s hand.

“Me too,” Doug admitted, looking bashful.

“The point is,” Evie continued. “That there’s a lot to fear in the unknown.  But the one thing we can take comfort in is each other.” 

“And I like you a lot,” Chad pressed.  “A lot, Harry.  I know you don’t like to hear that, but you’re always nice to me even when you don’t have to be.”

“There’s nothing fucking wrong with you, Chad,” Harry snapped.

The blond shifted uneasily. “Yeah, but a lot of people would disagree with you.  And a lot of people are still scared of Audrey, but you don’t give a shit.”

“She got tainted by a scepter,” Harry grumbled. “That was hidden behind a velvet rope.  It was a wonder no one else had stolen the damn thing.”

“Tell me about it,” Audrey scoffed. “Harold-”

“It’s fucking Harrison.”

“We love you, buddy,” Audrey said, making Harry’s breath freeze in his chest. “You deserve good things – all the good things, and that includes Gil and Uma.”

“Strangely enough,” Evie sighed. “Uma’s taking the whole ‘liking more than one person’ thing harder than you did.”

“To be fair,” Audrey said. “Harry’s been picturing it as ‘just sex’ for a while.  Now he has to admit that there are sticky feelings involved.”

“Lies and slander,” Harry grumbled, sinking into their hold.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” Audrey mused.

“For the record,” Doug spoke up, clearing his throat. “Evie and I also love you.  Both of you.”

“And I guess we can work on loving Audrey too,” Evie hummed. “She must be a pretty damn good person if she’s been taking such good care of you.”

“Lies and slander,” Audrey murmured against Harry’s shoulder.

And the first mate-

He laughed because he could.  Because for some reason, these very wonderful people wanted him. 

And that, apparently, was all that he wanted.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Alright,” Evie declared when they strolled into the king’s suite the next day. “We’re going to set a few things straight today.”

 Evie’s brow was set in a determined slant as the rest of them, Audrey included, trailed in after her.  They’d had to wait for Chad to rest up before he could teleport them back to Auradon (it turned out he’d been downplaying the strain of transporting an additional person with him across kingdoms, and doing four people at once had almost knocked him out), but Evie had kept up a steady stream of texts with Mal, apprising her friend of the situation.  The princess was the one to set up their meeting, and while Harry wasn’t entirely sure what Mal had done to get Uma in the same room as him, the first mate was grateful that they’d at least get the opportunity to talk it out. 

If it could be talked out.

Harry was pretty sure it couldn’t.

“What’s there to set straight?” Uma asked, one unimpressed brow quirked at their collective while the others just looked confused. Save for Carlos, all the VKs and Ben were present, but none of them seemed to know what was going on. 

That meant Uma must not have told them.

Mal rolled her eyes. “Fuck off, Uma,” she groused. “You’ve been defensive all day.”

“I’m defensive because your princess is criticizing how I handle my crew,” Uma drawled, her voice low and deadly.

Evie was not impressed, and neither was Audrey. “We’re not on the Isle anymore, Uma,” Evie stated in a cool tone. “We don’t have to operate by Isle procedure, which made what you did completely out of line.”

Uma’s jaw tensed. “It needed to be done.”

“No,” Audrey hissed. “It fucking didn’t, and you know it.”

“Um…” Jay raised his hand up. “Why is Audrey here?”

“Because Audrey and Chad were Harry’s first boyfriend and girlfriend,” Evie declared with such casual flippancy it left Harry boggled. “Harry didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s what they are.”

Harry thought back on his understanding of Auradon relationships, then turned his attention to Audrey. 

The princess nodded. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

“And ye didn’t think to tell me?” Harry growled.

“Um.” Chad shifted his weight, uneasy. “You would have freaked out.  That’s why I said the stuff we did with Evie and Doug was friend-stuff, because that would have freaked you out too.”

“You did stuff with Evie and Doug?” Mal asked, anger traded out for curiosity. “What kind of stuff?”

“Sex stuff,” Uma snarled. “Harry’s been whoring himself out to all of you-”

“He was enchanted, dipshit,” Audrey snarled. “You think Harry would willingly make himself that vulnerable to someone else?  Fuck no he wouldn’t, and you should know that.”

For a moment, Uma froze, but then her steely expression recovered. “I think I know my crewmate better than you do.  He’s worked with me for years; I fucking see the way he flirts.”

“As a tool,” Audrey pressed. “It’s just a tactic.  He rarely means anything by it.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Trust me, when Harry is actually trying to flirt, he is the most awkward human ever.  Just ask Evie and Doug.”

Harry dragged a hand across his face so he wouldn’t have to look at the other two, because he didn’t want them to actually know he’d been attempting to um- win them over, even though he’d somehow managed to do that. 

Uma made an angry sound. “I fucking know how often he has sex,” she snapped. “He had it all the time on the Isle, I could smell it.”

At that, Harry knew it was his turn to speak up, and when he did so he kept his shoulders back, his head high, trying to represent some kind of strength for his crew, even if he’d fucked over their reputation all on his own. 

“Those were business transactions, captain,” Harry admitted, keeping his voice level through sheer force of will. “It was how I got our additional income when things got rough.”

For a moment, no one said anything, Uma staring at Harry like she’d never seen him before.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about it,” Harry murmured. “Knew if I told ye the truth, ye’d tell me to stop.”

And Harry couldn’t do that, not when the crew needed food and medicine.  Not when Jay’s sticky fingers were so much better than Harry’s would ever be. 

Gil shifted uneasily. “When… when half the crew got sick and you were gone for a week…”

“I was getting scores,” Harry allowed with a shrug.  He had lied about it before, spinning tales of all the people he’d pickpocketed to get the money they needed for food and drugs, the money they needed to stay afloat when half their workers were down, but really, Harry had spent most of his time on his knees, getting guaranteed cashflow. 

“Damnit, Harry,” Uma said, her hands clenched into trembled fists against her sides. “You should have told me.  I’m your captain.”

“Ye would have tried to do it yourself,” Harry said, knew it was true. “Couldn’t have your reputation damaged, but it was of little relevance if I was a whore.”

“You’re not, Harry,” Mal said, her eyes gleaming with moisture. “Sweet fucking evil, you’re not.  Doing what you need to do to survive doesn’t make you a whore.”

“No, just getting money in exchange for sexual favors,” Harry countered. “Sort of the definition of the word.”

“Well, I’ve decided you’re not,” Uma said, her tone resolute. “That’s a fucking order, Harry.  You’re not to consider yourself a whore.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Don’t get soft just because of some sob story, captain.  It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve slept with everyone in this room.”

“Because you were enchanted,” Audrey reminded him. “And now you’re not, so you only get to have sex with people you want to have sex with.”

“Wait,” Gil said, perking up. “Did… did you not want to have sex with us?”

“Gil…” Harry sighed. “It’s not you, it’s-”

“Intimacy,” Evie finished. “He isn’t comfortable with that.”

“Yeah,” Mal scoffed, sharing a look with Jay. “We figured that much.”

“So we came here to set the record straight,” Evie said. “We-” she said, motioning to everyone that had teleported in. “Are dating now.  All of us.  It’s decided.  And we’re not doing casual sex for a bit because we need to settle, so if you want something more, you’re going to have to be committed to all of us.  And Uma-” She turned to the captain. “You need to apologize to Harry, and you also need to come to terms with the fact-”

“That I love him and Gil,” Uma finished, sighing quietly through her nose. “…that I probably love Bertha and fucking Benjamin over there too.”

Evie froze, startled by the candid response, but nodded her head, pleased by the attention. “Yes, exactly.”

“Aw, Uma,” Mal cooed, breaking into the captain’s personal space and throwing an arm over her shoulders. “We love you too, you grumpy witch.”

“You love me?” Gil asked, looking between his two crewmates. “Harry?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry sighed, thinking about all the shit he had gone through for the sake of Uma and Gil’s happiness, the same shit he would do for Chad or Evie or Audrey or Doug. “I love ye too.”

“Awesome,” Gil whispered. “Because um- I love you guys too, but I figured I was too dumb-”

“You’re not too much of anything,” Uma snapped, holding out an arm for the blond until he went to her, curling into her side. “And you fucks better be ready to get some additional girlfriends and boyfriends, because if you think you’re going to keep Harry away from us, you are dead wrong.”

“That would be a more effective threat from someone who apologized,” Audrey hummed, twirling an innocent strand of hair around her fingers. “You know, for making Harry cry.”

“For hurting him,” Evie continued. “And humiliating him, and making him feel like a whore.”

“I don’t know what the fuck happened,” Mal said. “But yeah, those sound like things that need to be addressed.”

“And they will,” Uma decided, crossing towards Harry before falling down on her knees in front him.  “Harry, I was a fucking idiot.  I was torn up and jealous and instead of being honest with you, I tried to shove you away.  I tried to put a firm wall between us so I wouldn’t fall in love with you more, only it didn’t take.” She looked at him carefully. “I don’t think it ever will.  You and Gilly – you are my guarantees, and I’m sorry I thought the worst of you for so long, because I thought… if I held onto that, maybe I wouldn’t love you as much.  But I did.  I do.” She reached forward, taking his hands in her own. “I don’t know what I can do to make things up to you, but if you’d give me the chance, I’d like to try, please.  You’re a wonderful crewmate, Harry Hook.  You’re loyal and funny and determined and strong, and I’m honored to love you.”

“Captain…” Harry said, his throat tight, a certain heat building in his eyes.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Chad said, his voice a gentle reassurance. “You can love her.  You’re allowed that.”

“Okay,” Harry said, and then maybe he was crying, maybe he was hugging Uma, his captain, and then maybe Gil was there hugging them too, and maybe they were all trading hugs and quiet reassurances because somehow or other some random enchantment had brought them all together, and Harry wasn’t even a whore anymore, he was just loved.

Him, Harry Hook.  The dumbass fuck up.

Well, maybe he wasn’t as messed up as he thought.

“So, are we all dating now?” Jay asked, safely tucked between Mal and Evie. “Can we do that?  Is that allowed?”

“As king, I am making it allowed,” Ben hummed, one arm slung around a blushing Doug’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Mal hissed, punching one fist into the air. “That’s a proper abuse of power if ever I heard one.”

“Eh.” Ben shrugged. “Sometimes you have to allow yourself personal indulgences.”

“Keep saying that when you explain this to the council,” Mal said. “And be sure to wear that shirt that brings out your eyes.  Make all the ladies swoon.”

“But not too much,” Uma warned, the captain working with Gil to cuddle Harry between them. “Because you are ours.”

“Which is exactly what I want to be,” Ben hummed and-

Yeah, that pretty much summed it up best.