Chapter 1: the cult arc
Chapter Text
quinnwitted: OLIVER TODARO LEWIS
gasballceo: !!!!!!
gasballceo: what did i do????
benjamin18: why is my last name there too
quinnwitted: you know what you did >:(
gasballceo: i really don't!!!
benjamin18: why are we glossing past the part where quinn used my last name for oliver
jasperofficial: @benjamin18 you say that as if we haven't called you benjamin lewis todaro before
quinnwitted: "oliver / @gasballceo - mar 25 - rewatching the star wars prequels and i have decided to murder jar jar binks with my bare hands"
quinnwitted: you threatened my b o y
gasballceo: asfhajfh WOW we're sticking with that bit huh
quinnwitted: it's not a bit jar jar is my favourite character
benjamin18: the prequels are cinematic masterpieces but even i can admit that jar jar isn't the best
jasperofficial: @gasballceo why are you rewatching those movies if you hate them so much??
gasballceo: ewan mcgregor
benjamin18: RT
quinnwitted: RT
jasperofficial: ...hayden christenson?
benjamin18: wow jasper, going for the villians huh
jasperofficial: need i remind u that quinn literally started a cult in my name
gasballceo: everyone loves a bad boy
quinnwitted: it was a harmless cult,
quinnwitted: we only sacrificed bananas,
benjamin18: i thought we agreed to not talk ab the cult anymore
gasballceo: YOU agreed that, i plan to roast you ab it for the rest of our lives <3
benjamin18: bold of you to assume i want you around for the rest of my life
gasballceo: wasted.jpeg
benjamin18: @gasballceo <3
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
vote now: the star wars prequels
[cinematic masterpiece] 39%
[absolute garbage] 52%
[the what] 9%
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
whoever voted 'absolute garbage', your mom's a hoe
robert / @jasperwiththehat
i love how we can always tell what their gc is talking about based solely on jasper's tweets
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william / @hoodiejasper
how do we know that for sure? maybe they're having secret conversations too
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
jasper fact number 43: jasper wears his heart on his sleeve
jasperofficial: quinnnn your cult is tweeting jasper facts again
quinnwitted: technically it's your cult
quinnwitted: they don't call themselves 'quinns'
jasperofficial: that's it i'm starting a quinn cult, who's gonna join??
gasballceo: i'm IMMEDIATELY in
benjamin18: sorry i'm already in the jasper cult
gasballceo: i ThOuGhT wE aGrEeD nOt To TaLk AbOuT tHe CuLt
benjamin18: well i can hardly be in *two* cults can i
gasballceo: how into this are we getting @jasperofficial
gasballceo: wait why can't i @ jasperofficial
quinnprimeofficial: oh, haven't you heard?
gasballceo: YOOOOOOO
quinnwitted: i--
gasballquinn: this is so fun
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
new bit alert
Quinn Prime / @quinnprimeofficial ✔︎
i am starting a cult in the name of @quinnwitted, you join by taking the sacraquinn (a poetry slam at a cliff at dawn), we meet on tuesdays to discuss our dream journals, and we sacrifice apples in his name. who's with me?
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quinn / @gasballquinn
im already so invested
harold / @orangejasperpuffer
@quinnwitted what do we do now sir
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
somehow i feel like you still calling me 'sir' isn't helping matters
quinn / @gasballquinn
@benjamin18 join ussssss
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don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
no
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quinn / @gasballquinn
if join this cult i'll stop bothering u about the other one
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quinn / @benjaquinn18
LETS GOOO
quinnwitted: you guys are ridiculous
gasballquinn: says the man who started it
quinnwitted: the jasper cult disbanded within 48 hours of me meeting jasper bc we became real friends and i felt weird having a cult dedicated to someone i knew
gasballquinn: can't relate
quinnprimeofficial: @quinnwitted the quinn cult will stand for at least 48 hours then
benjaquinn18: wait i have to keep this @ for 48 hours
gasballquinn: did u not save your other one??
benjaquinn18: no
benjaquinn18: should i have?
gasballquinn: oh benny...
quinn / @benjaquinn18
HELP ITS BEEN 48 HOURS BUT I CANT CHANGE MY @ BACK BC SOMEONE ELSE TOOK BENJAMIN18
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william / @hoodiejasper
maybe now you'll finally have to get a better @
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don't call me b*nny / @benjaquinn18
says the man who's @ is still 'hoodiejasper' u realise that cult isn't around anymore
eat the rich / @japplehater
i followed @jasperofficial bc i liked how little he cares ab his dad and somehow became obsessed with him & his friends even tho idk what they're talking about 98% of the time
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oh gorgoblox... / @lumberstan
you following jasper for anti japple
me following oliver for lumbersweats
🤝
getting attached to a random friend group
gasballceo: do u ever think ab doing something really stupid & then think 'no, benjamin would disapprove'
quinnwitted: u did the dumb thing anyway didnt u
gasballceo: oh of course
quinnwitted: nice
benjaquinn18: NOT NICE WE'RE IN THE ER
gasballceo: it was only three stitches benjaquinn
benjaquinn18: now is not the time to be mocking me for my display
gasballceo: it is always time to be mocking your display
jasperofficial: oliver are u okay?
gasballceo: yeah it was only three stitches
jasperofficial: but what did u do
gasballceo: nothin'
benjaquinn18: HE HIT HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN
jasperofficial: again??
benjaquinn18: ...
benjaquinn18: oliver?
gasballceo: benny?
benjaquinn18: what does he mean 'again'?
gasballceo: again [əˈɡɛnəˈɡeɪn]: ADVERB. another time; once more.
benjaquinn18: OLIVER
gasballceo: jasper if benjamin kills me it is your civic duty to carry on my legacy of roasting him for his display
jasperofficial: u have my word
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
@gasballceo & @quinnwitted & @benjamin18
there is an imposter among us
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robin, like batman / @gasballceo
that's him officer, he's the one to arrest, @benjamin18
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
i saw @benjamin18 vent
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benzo / @benjamin18
who r u ppl
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robin, like batman / @gasballceo
don't worry ab it
benjaquinn18: stop roping random people into your antics
benjaquinn18: i don't want my name attached to this nonsense
gasballceo: we very specifically didn't mention you at all
benjaquinn18: >:(
quinnwitted: just change your @ it's not that hard
benjaquinn18: but i liked benjamin18 :(
don't call me b*nny / @benjaquinn18
currently taking suggestions for my new @
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robin, like batman / @gasballceo
appleguy
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don't call me b*nny / @benjaquinn18
i am not taking suggestions from you
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
appleguy
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don't call me b*nny / @benjaquinn18
i am not taking suggestions from either of you
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
appleguy
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don't call me b*nny / @benjaquinn18
i am no longer taking suggestions
gasballceo: GUYS
gasballceo: GOOD NEWS
quinnwitted: ?
gasballceo: BENJAMIN18 DEACTIVATED
jasperofficial: @benjaquinn18 hurry hurry
benjaquinn18: !!!!
quinnwitted: wait why did benzo deactivate
gasballceo: might be our fault?? lowkey??
gasballceo: apparently a bunch of our followers went & followed him & the notifs drove him mad
jasperofficial: whoops
quinnwitted: the fact we have a 'fanbase' at all is wild
gasballceo: speak for yourself i created the greatest show of all time
quinnwitted: i still can't believe u altered the dreamscape to make urself head writer
benjamin18: i can
gasballceo: BENNY UR BACK!!
jasperofficial: wb to @benjamin18
quinnwitted: we can finally leave the quinn cult behind us
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
balance has been restored
robert / @jasperwiththehat
it's all jasper cult this, quinn cult that...where's the robert cult ??
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
don't start this again
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robin, like batman / @gasballceo
dw robbie i’ll join your cult
BONUS - The Callout Arc
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
callout post for @gasballceo
- won't give me lumbersweats spoilers
- hates the star wars prequels
- calls @benjamin18 'benny'
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kila / @antiloveparasite
wait why is the last one bad
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don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i think i'm pretty clear about it
robin banks / @gasballceo
callout post for @jasperofficial
- uses his verification powers to bully me
- likes the star wars prequels
- put @quinnwitted out of work
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milo / @gasballobsessed
how did he put quinn out of work??
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
[a screenshot of a resume. it reads: 'Cult Leader, Jasper Cult. Jan 2018 - Mar 20XX.']
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
callout post for @quinnwitted
- was a cult leader?
- indoctrinated me into his cult
- jar jar binks is his favourite character
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jane / @theactualinternet
why did u join his cult??
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robin banks / @gasballceo
we don't discuss that
sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
callout post for @benjamin18
- left my cult :(
- chased me for a very long time
- doesn't like jar jar binks???
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luke / @badtimelongtime
benjamin chasing you: why_are_you_running.mov
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
no no they knew exactly why. i was the only one asking that question
Chapter 2: the games night arc
Chapter Text
quinnwitted: ex-cult game night tomorrow youre all invited
gasballceo: tom_hank_me.gif
quinnwitted: ex-cult + oliver game night*
gasballceo: sick we’ll be there
benjamin18: @gasballceo why are you always so keen to spend time with a cult
gasballceo: which one of us actually joined a cult
jasperofficial: do i count as part of the cult
quinnwitted: ur the reason it exists???
benjamin18: ...why is that in present tense
gasballceo: tbf the others all have their @‘s as jasper related still. ur the outlier benny
jasperofficial: oh did u guys see the convo on my acc earlier??
benjamin18: nah, i only check it when u guys @ me
quinnwitted: well excuse me mr verified, do u have other friends ??
jasperofficial: no i have fans ??? which is even weirder
gasballceo: we are having a conversation ab the literal cult dedicated to u & the idea of having twitter fans is what’s weird?
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
daily reminder that @jamesjapple left me & my mom with no warning & i didn’t even get a jphone out of it
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f in the chat / @freddofantastic
not related at all but every time i see ur @ i wonder at the implication of UNofficial jaspers
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
@jasperinthehat @hoodiejasper @orangejasperpuffer you guys are all unofficial
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f in the chat / @freddofantastic
this creates so many new questions
jasperofficial: i think i accidentally gave them all a boost in followers
quinnwitted: im sure they appreciate it
gasballceo: hey why don’t u ever give me a boost in followers
jasperofficial: youre the head writer of one of the most popular shows ever ??? why do u need my help
gasballceo: but im not verified :(((
benjamin18: sometimes i wonder how long it’ll take before we’re all verified by association
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
since there’s so many new people i think i’m gonna do some live tweeting. that seems like a good way to introduce u all to this mess
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
ex-cult + oliver game night: a thread
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int. cult house. we convinced @hoodiejasper to actually follow a recipe for once so the food is actually looks amazing
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@jasperofficial & @quinnwitted have arrived. jasper brought cookies we have to stan
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@benjamin18 just burst in and said “im so sorry for oliver” what has he done now
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@gasballceo has a bucket of apples. quinn is glaring at him. oliver: “let’s play dreamscape roulette” idk what that means but jasper & benjamin are both shaking their heads
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quinn: get out of my house
william: uh, boss, it’s our house now
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okay okay we’re actually gonna play games now!! up first is uno bc we want to start with something simple & fun!!
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so apparently oliver is colourblind ??? ig uno is out
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robert: we could play scrabble
quinn: isn’t that only for four players?
robert: oh well we could play the newlywed game
jasper: isn’t that only for couples?
robert: i would be gamemaster :))
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i don’t know what robert is implying/planning but i don’t like it
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oliver: WAIT YALL HAVE A NINTENDO 64 WHY ARE WE PLAYING BOARD GAMES WHEN WE COULD PLAY T H A T
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new plan: mario kart tournament. place your bets now, who will win?
[quinn] 27%
[benjamin] 32%
[oliver] 19%
[jasper] 22%
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if ur wondering why me, robert and william aren’t included it’s bc we value our sanity
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UPDATE: quinn is the first disqualified
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you all should’ve had more faith in jasper he is killing this
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oliver is out! benjamin & jasper in the final & it’s sure to be a nail biter
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and jasper pulls through as our winner!!! let’s get an f in the chat for benjamin
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robert: great! now let’s play the newlywed game
quinn: +biggest sigh ever+ okay fine
robert: great! quinn & harold, benjamin & jasper, and oliver & william
everyone: ...what?
robert: what? :) did u already have partners in mind? :)
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this game night is a mess
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we have decided that robert was joking & are now playing clue
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william calls it “cluedo” which makes no sense but is very endearing
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oliver, playing as mrs white, when it turns out she’s the killer: no,,, she must’ve had her reasons,,,,
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he just gave the most touching monologue ab her motivations & justifications...twitter cannot do it justice just trust me. quinn is crying. benjamin is pretending he’s not crying.
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maybe i actually should watch lumbersweats agdhakxh
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sorry jasper just found out i haven’t watched lumbersweats and now game night is cancelled for a marathon,, it’s been fun guys
kila / @antiloveparasite
am i the only one hoping that @orangejasperpuffer would live tweet lumbersweats too
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milo / @gasballobsessed
i was hoping for elaboration on “ex-cult + oliver”
gasballceo: peterson is using us for clout
benjamin18: bet you $10 that he ends up verified before us bc of this
quinnwitted: don’t speak that into existence,,,,
Chapter 3: the fanfic arc
Chapter Text
gasballceo: why did u all leave me alone w robert he’s making me watch pride and prejudice
quinnwitted: miniseries or 2005 film
gasballceo: does it matter ??
quinnwitted: yes
gasballceo: idk let me ask him
benjamin18: i wait with bated breath
gasballceo: he says it's the miniseries
quinnwitted: that is the correct answer sit down shut up and enjoy it
gasballceo: ...yes sir?
benjamin18: WAIT OLIVER
gasballceo: ?????
benjamin18: do u remember
benjamin18 : in second grade
gasballceo: !!!!!
gasballceo: Y E S
gasballceo: how did i forget that
jasperofficial : what are u two talking about
gasballceo: I FOUND THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE FANFICTION
benjamin18: AND WE ARE N E V E R WATCHING THAT MINISERIES AGAIN
gasballceo: wowowowow
gasballceo: now i get to see what the hype is about
gasballceo: i take back my earlier complaint thank u for leaving me alone with robert
jasperofficial: wait why did we leave him alone with robert??
quinnwitted: honestly i dont remember but now i have more pressing questions
quinnwitted: like what on earth are u two talking about
gasballceo: benny he doesn’t know
benjamin18: idk if i want to be the one to tell him
quinnwitted: tell me what???
gasballceo: robert is glaring at me time to put my phone away and watch p&p sorry boyssssss
sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
why are my friends so weird
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jane / @theactualinternet
didn’t u form a cult ab one of them
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
that’s how i know they’re weird
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
this is so rude and for what
benjamin18: oliver it’s been three hours are u alive
jasperofficial: oliver?
gasballceo: yes yes sorry im ok
gasballceo : we’re taking a food break
gasballceo: guys im so INVESTED
gasballceo: i understand why mrs hills wrote fanfic of this it’s so GOOD
benjamin18: aw oliver
quinnwitted: SHE DID W H A T
jasperofficial: mrs hills like quinn’s mom mrs hills???
benjamin18 : do we know any other mrs hills
benjamin18: (genuine question idk dreamscapes are weird)
quinnwitted: does...does this fanfic exist in this dreamscape ???
gasballceo: uuuuh idk? ur dad brought some of her notes but he looked kinda traumatised by the fanfic so idk if he wouldve brought it
quinnwitted: my dad….traumatised……
quinnwitted: my mom wrote pwp didnt she
gasballceo: idk man do u really think she wouldve showed us??? we were 7!
jasperofficial: can i just say that i’m glad i’m not a lucid this sounds so confusing
benjamin18 : i’d say RT but sadly i am a lucid
jasperofficial: can i just say that this lucids stuff is still really confusing
benjamin18: RT
quinnwitted: adajhfkfgawejh hewwhjk vd jaf ???????
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i think we just broke @quinnwitted
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asdjhfjje??? / @quinnwitted
hdfjw ??? my brain cannot ??? this is So Much
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
see?
oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
@hoodiejasper & @orangejasperpuffer go collect @quinnwitted he’s spiralling
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william / @hoodiejasper
why doesn’t @jasperwiththehat have to go
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oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
bc we’re watching p&p and that’s clearly more important than quinn’s breakdown of the week smh come on william
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
oh, naturally
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
texted benjamin to find out where quinn is & discovered that they’re in mcdonalds. show up & quinn is crying in the childs play area. normal tuesday
william / @hoodiejasper
lmao get wrecked quinn
[image: quinn is sitting inside the climbing frame of a mcdonalds play area. he’s legs are dangling over an edge. his hands are covering his face and he appears to be actively crying.]
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
please get me more pictures of this
gasballceo: @quinnwitted are u,,, okay?
gasballceo: can u speak english again?
quinnwitted: no
gasballceo: oh ok good
quinnwitted: my MOTHER writes fanfiction
jasperofficial: is that...really that bad?
benjamin18: jasper ik u love ur mom but are you tell me that you wouldnt be a little distressed if u found out she was writing graphic fanfic of famous characters?
jasperofficial: ok point taken
gasballceo: but like,, it’s not like quinn’s read it even! it might not even exist here!
quinnwitted: ...my mom has accounts here tho
quinnwitted: oh no my mom has a fanfic acc doesnt she
benjamin18: spare yourself and dont go looking for it
quinnwitted: do u know me at all
jasperofficial: he’s going to look for it
quinnwitted: i’m going to look for it
oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
quinn is about to die (again)
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on a mission / @quinnwitted
are u saying u dont want to read it if i find it??
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oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
oh no i expect links
jasperofficial: @quinnwitted it’s been three days have u found anything
quinnwitted: yes everyone cult house now
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
we were called in for an emergency ex-cult meeting and it’s just quinn with a posterboard that says “MY MOMS FANFIC” in glitter gel pen?
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
isn’t this pretty typical for an emergency ex-cult meeting
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milo / @gasballobsessed
are any of you ever going to explain the cult thing??
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
just to spite you, no
quinnwitted: do u still want to read them, oliver?
gasballceo: ….no the titles and summaries were bad enough
benjamin18: our second grade teacher…
jasperofficial: i will be thinking about that for far too long
quinnwitted: ur welcome
jasperofficial: how are u ok with this now???
quinnwitted: exposure therapy
mission accomplished / @quinnwitted
i found my mother’s fanfiction acc and survived: a documentary coming soon
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lydia / @mrsdarcyhills
you found WHAT
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mission accomplished / @quinnwitted
YOU HAVE A TWITTER
oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
we broke quinn 2: electric boogaloo
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luke @badtimelongtime
i like ur display!
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oliver robin & benny the pooh / @gasballceo
thank u benny hates it :))
Chapter 4: the trending topic arc
Chapter Text
Buzzfeed / @buzzfeed ✔︎
Who is Jasper Jasperson and why do we love him? Read about the Jasperson son here: bitly.ly/sa23rj3k
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hillsperson / @quinnwitted
@jasperofficial u have a buzzfeed article now
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
oh no
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todaroperson / @gasballceo
oh YES
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lewisperson / @benjamin18
jasper you're a trending topic!!
[Jasper's header image is a screenshot of Lumbersweats.]
[his icon is a picture of his startled face as he catches a banana -
there's a story here, but it hasn't been shared yet]
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
Jasper Jasperson | he/him | this is a lumbersweats fanpage & a japple hate page
☟︎probably with the dream team
milo / @gasballobsessed
why is everyone shocked that buzzfeed released an article ab @jasperofficial ppl have been wondering ab him since that japple ad a few years ago
jane / @theactualinternet
buzzfeed: posts an article detailing the history of Jasper Jasperson and J*mes
me & my moots: +opening our meme folders+
kila / @antiloveparasite
me 🤝 jasper
hating our dads
eat the rich / @japplehater
even more reasons to hate j*mes j*sperson thank u for the rights @buzzfeed
luke / @badtimelongtime
everyone discovering @jasperofficial for the first time vs the people who've been following him & the dream team for the past few months
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kila / @antiloveparasite
something tells me the dream team are gonna get another boost in popularity after this
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luke / @badtimelongtime
does this mean @gasballceo might finally be verified
gasballceo: well 👀 turns out it's very easy for jasper to trend 👀
jasperofficial: no
jasperofficial: whatever you're planning
jasperofficial: the answer is no
benjamin18: did you guys see this?
benjamin18: [image: a screenshot of a twitter account bio
(the header is a poorly edited photo of all of their profile pictures)
(the icon is a doodle of a comic book thinking cloud with the words 'dream team')
dream team updates / @dtupdates
follow us for updates on @jasperofficial, @gasballceo, @quinnwitted, and @benjamin18! no, we don't know why they call themselves the dream team
/end image]
quinnwitted: we have FANS fans
gasballceo: if i tweeted out that quinn was a cult leader with reciepts do u think we could get him cancelled already
quinnwitted: i have already tweeted out that i am a cult leader with reciepts so somehow i doubt it
benjamin18: once again i am asking why that's in present tense
jasperofficial: i don't think that tweeting out a fake resume counts as reciepts
quinnwitted: wdm that's my real resume
benjamin18: i--
quinnwitted: havent had much luck getting jobs tho
gasballceo: gee i wonder why
todaroperson / @gasballceo
everyone go bully @quinnwitted he put 'cult leader' on his resume and wonders why he isn't getting interviews
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hillsperson / @quinnwitted
did u even interview for ur job
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todaroperson / @gasballceo
no i got it from talent alone
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lewisperson / @benjamin18
"talent"
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todaroperson / @gasballceo
i didn't say it was writing talent
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
hey @gasballceo, you're a good writer with good ideas!! don't sell yourself short!!
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todaroperson / @gasballceo
i'm still not giving you lumbersweats spoilers (but thank u)
gasballceo: what if i used jasper's new trending page clout to promote lumbersweats
benjamin18: does lumbersweats really need the promo
quinnwitted: also isnt jasper already promoting lumbersweats at all times
gasballceo: why do none of u support me
jasperofficial: i support u oliver!
gasballceo: jasper is the only one of u who gets rights
jasperofficial: will u name a character after me
gasballceo: sure but he'll probably die
jasperofficial: !!!!
jasperofficial: that's ok!!!
jasperofficial: i'll promo it extra hard now :)))
gasballceo: friendship ended with benjamin, now jasper is my new best friend
quinnwitted: hey no stealing my best friend >:(
gasballceo: what u gonna do ab it
benjamin18: i feel like i should be more offended than i am
quinnwitted: i'll fight you @gasballceo
gasballceo: square up quinn
jasperofficial: i have two hands,,
benjamin18: wow that's...so wholesome jasper
gasballceo: ok @quinnwitted we can share he's too good for us 😭
quinnwitted: jasper jasperson rights
JASPER JASPERSON RIGHTS / @gasballceo
everyone say 'you're the best jasper' to @jasperofficial
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milo / @gasballobsessed
you're the best jasper!!
(timeskip idk how to format it - it's been a few weeks/a month or so)
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
everyone look out for a new character in lumbersweats tonight!! @gasballceo made him extra special for me :)
kila / @antiloveparasite
MOOTS HOW WE FEELING #jasperinlumbersweats
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luke / @badtimelongtime
J A S P E R IN LUMBERSWEATS #jasperinlumbersweats
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kila / @antiloveparasite
OLIVER REALLY SAID DREAM TEAM RIGHTS
benjamin18: jasper ur a trending topic again
jasperofficial: this time it's more fun :)
quinnwitted: #jasperinlumbersweats already has 10k tweets?? and it's trending with #dreamteam
gasballceo: I LOVE THIS SONGGGG we're trending again boys
gasballceo: will i finally get verified ???
benjamin18: doubtful
benjamin18: jasper tweets quinn way more often and he's not even verified
jasperofficial: why dont u just like...alter the dreamscape so that u are verified??
gasballceo: no that's cheating
quinnwitted: and giving urself a job isnt??
gasballceo: tell me how ur job search is going quinn
gasballceo: had any interviews yet
quinnwitted: @jasperofficial come pick me up oliver is bullying me :((
don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
#jasperinlumbersweats #dreamteam we're all very happy for @jasperofficial & @gasballceo - but did u know that oliver disowned me as his best friend & jasper took advantage of that situation to get his name into the show?? smh some people
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WATCH LUMBERSWEATS / @gasballceo
aw benny i'll name a character after u too
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don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
if u name a character 'benny' i'm coming for your knees
quinnwitted: so jasper has trended twice now, once cause of him and once cause of oliver
quinnwitted: i want him to trend cause of me next
quinnwitted: what to do what to do
jasperofficial: he's wearing his scheming face
gasballceo: pic?
jasperofficial: [image: quinn is sitting on a sofa with his elbows on his knees and his hands pressed together in front of his mouth. his eyes are closed]
benjamin18: quinn rights
gasballceo: RT
quinnwitted: oh u guys aren't ready this is gonna be great
you're quinvited / @quinnwitted
@jasperwiththehat @hoodiejasper @orangejasperpuffer you guys wanna get the band back together
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
is this for real
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Jasper Prime / @jasperprime
oh it's real
jasper / @hoodiejasper
oh shhhhh the jasper prime acc is back things are getting serious
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jasper / @jasperwiththehat
i'm a little scared, remember what happened last time??
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jasper / @hoodiejasper
have u checked @jasperprime's bio sdjhakfghj
[image: a screenshot of a twitter bio -
(the header is the 'sorry' collage)
(the icon is a pic of jasper beaming at the camera)
Jasper Prime / @jasperprime
just a super chill cult where we worship @jasperofficial . no weird stuff. no dudepants allowed.
/end image]
jasperofficial: why this
quinnwitted: bc i <3 u
jasperofficial: so ur starting the cult again ???
benjamin18: i am not changing my @ for this...not again
benjamin18: i will change my display tho
gasballceo: can i join the cult this time :O
quinnwitted: yes but u gotta follow the jasper prime twit acc and take the jasperfice
gasballceo: IM ON IT BOSS
jasper / @gasballjasper
#jaspercult
[video: the camera is low on the ground and at a slight angle, likely propped up against a rock. oliver's whole body is in frame as he stands at the cliff face, as is a lot of grass. he's slightly out of focus, which spares the viewer from some of his frankly awful dancing, but not from his singing. he's belting africa by toto. make of that what you will]
milo / @gasballobsessed
is @gasballjasper okay?
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kila / @antiloveparasite
he just be vibing
dream team updates / @dtupdates
oliver has changed his @ from gasballceo to @gasballjasper & made his display jasper as well. is this related to the earlier jasper-related tweets from @quinnwitted and @jasperprime?
quinnwitted: that was unbelieavbly quick
benjamin18: bold of u to assume that he didnt leave for the cliff immediately after the first tweet
jasperofficial: did he really
gasballjasper: yes
gasballjasper: i've wanted to do the jasperfice since u first told me what it was
gasballjasper: very theraputic, 10/10 would reccommend
jasperofficial: maybe i should do it too
gasballjasper: YES COME JOIN ME ITS GREAT
jasperofficial: im on my way!! @benjamin18 @quinnwitted do u guys wanna come?
quinnwitted: yeah! should i text the cult as well
gasballjasper: yes yes yes jasper ganggg
jasper / @benjamin18
#jaspercult
[video: the camera is pointed at benjamin's smiling face. in the background, william and harold are screaming along to a taylor swift song while robert looks on with pride. benjamin turns slightly to reveal oliver and jasper dancing (mostly bouncing up and down) together. before benjamin can move again, a hand reaches in front of the camera and tugs it away, turning the camera on themself. it's quinn, also grinning. the camera flips to reveal benjamin again as he races over to join oliver and jasper. over the still-singing william and harold, quinn whispers to the camera, "they're all such idiots." someone else comes over to take the camera. "go join them, boss" william says. he turns the camera on harold and robert, who are holding each others hands and spinning around and the back to the dream team, who are screaming celion dion off the edge of the cliff, shoulders knocking together. benjamin turns to look back at the camera, pausing in his singing to call william over. "stop filming, i just wanted some--"]
jasper / @jasperwiththehat
#jaspercult
[image: robert stands with his arms thrown around william and harold, all of them grinning cheesily at the camera. the sun is setting in the background. harold is holding snacks. william is holding a rock. robert has a drink in both hands.]
jasper / @quinnwitted
#jaspercult
[a series of three images. in the first, jasper is grinning widely at quinn while oliver all but hangs off of quinn's shoulder. in the second, jasper looks rather alarmed as oliver leaps onto quinn's back. in the third, benjamin stares down at the three others, who are now in a pile on the ground.]
jasper / @hoodiejasper
#jaspercult
[video: benjamin stands alone on the cliff face. silence. it looks like it's going to be very dramatic. the opening notes to I Need A Hero (specifically the Shrek 2 version) play. benjamin spins around and poses. he is ready for a performance. the video ends before the lyrics start, much to the viewers frustration]
jasper / @gasballjasper
#jaspercult let's do this again sometime
[image: oliver's face barely fits into the selfie he's taken. everyone is visible as they lay on the grass at the cliff side. robert has his hands in the air and mouth open as he says something to william and harold. quinn and jasper both appear to be asleep. benjamin, beside oliver, has one hand over his eyes and the other raised in a lazy peace-sign]
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
for those confused: # dreamteam is me, quinn, oliver, and benjamin. the # jaspercult is all of us! thanks for liking everything we've shared tonight - i'm so glad i could share it with all of you <3
jasperofficial: well @quinnwitted u got your wish
jasperofficial: we're a trending topic again
quinnwitted: I KNOW
quinnwitted: we got #jaspercult trending and the cult doesn't even exist anymore!!!
benjamin18: i think we just proved that the cult is very much still a thing
gasballceo: and now i am finally part of it
gasballceo: no more 'and oliver' nonsense
jasperofficial: changed ur display back tho :(
gasballceo: jasper i will change it back in a heartbeat if u ask me to
jasperofficial: no no lol i like gasballceo
jasperofficial: imagine if u actually were the ceo of gasball currency omg
gasballceo: ...did we not tell jasper ab that?
benjamin18: oh boy
Buzzfeed / @buzzfeed ✔︎
#jaspercult trended last night after @ jasperofficial & his friends shared a bunch of pictures from their night with the hashtag. fans of the # dreamteam are changing their display names & profile pictures to join the fun. take our quiz on which 'jasper' you should be here: bitly.ly/sdhjuah23as
jasper (dreamteamupdates) / @dtupdates
last night feels like a fever dream # jaspercult
jasper (kila) / @antiloveparasite
@gasballobsessed how u doing milo
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jasper (milo) / @gasballobsessed
more confused than ever but still having fun
jasper (jane) / @theactualinternet
the thing that baffles me most ab the #jaspercult is the bit in @jasperprime's bio saying 'no dudepants allowed'??
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jasper (dudepants) / @gorgoblox5001
right?? i was like damn what'd i ever do to u
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luke jasper / @badtimelongtime
WAIT isn't j*mes j*sperson's current wife something dudepants? like her surname? and doesn't she have sons?
Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
my ears are burning
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Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
mine too
Chapter 5: the japple arc
Chapter Text
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
day 4 of reminding you all that @jamesjapple left me and my mom with no warning :)
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
daily reminder number 11 that @jamesjapple has called me once in the past six years & it was so he could use the footage of me saying ‘dad’ in a commercial :)
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
day 17 reminding you @jamesjapple has more money than a human being can actually spend in a lifetime & i haven’t had an allowance from him since i was four (not saying i should be rich, just pointing out the disparity here)
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
day 23 - @jamesjapple seems like the sort of person who would break into someones house to whisper in the ear of a sleeping child just to mess with their dreams i said what i said
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
daily reminder number 32 that @jamesjapple left my mom & never gave her a reason and it pisses me off i’m done being funny about it
quinnwitted: @jasperofficial are you okay?
jasperofficial: not really
jasperofficial: but i’ll be fine
benjamin18: do u want us to come over?
jasperofficial: would you really?
gasballceo: we’re on our way
quinnwitted: im on my way too but ill be a while so i just want to say that u really do mean the world to me jasper and im very glad to have u in my life and i know that your dad sucks just like...so much but i know that there’s so many people who love & appreciate u for you and i will always always always be top of that list (even when oliver claims that he’s your best friend) bc u are amazing ok
jasperofficial: quinn pls hurry up and get here i need to hug you so bad after that
benjamin18: he is currently hugging oliver but muttering ab he’s a bad substitute for u @quinnwitted this is hilarious but please hurry
TWITTER MOMENT:
[his header image is of a sleek looking bookshelf stocked with big books and manipulated photographs, clearly in his own home]
[his icon is a shot of his own face, turtleneck just visible and glasses reflecting the light so his eyes are obscured. he is smirking.]
James Jasperson / @jamesjapple ✔︎
founder & ceo of @japple | if you see me out there, lucky you
☟︎ anywhere at once
Today Tech / @techtoday ✔︎
Breaking: @japple set to announce new phones and laptops today in a special live broadcast. What are your predictions for the future of Japple products?
eat the rich / @japplehater
the way this is clearly trying to cover for the jasper stuff from a few weeks back smh
jack / @backtothepast
SO excited! i hope japple releases wireless headphones too!!
henry / @busybees
new japple new japple newjapple newjapplenewjapple!!!
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
anyone @’ing me in stuff about the j*pple announcements will be blocked what part of “this is a japple hate page” do you not understand
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jack / @backtothepast
but he’s ur dad?
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i’m glad that u have a good relationship with your parents but not all of us are so lucky
jasper rights / @quinnwitted
learn to respect boundaries or meet my chloroform rag
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jasper rights / @gasballceo
learn to respect boundaries or meet my frying pan
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jasper rights / @benjamin18
learn to respect boundaries or meet my gun
jasperofficial: @benjamin18 do u really have a gun?
benjamin18: its my dreamscape i make the rules
gasballceo: can i have a gun :O
benjamin18: absolutely not
gasballceo: :(
quinnwitted: oliver i barely trust u with a frying pan let alone an actual weapon
gasballceo: excuse u a frying pan is an actual weapon
jasperofficial: i have only ever seen u hurt yourself with a frying pan so idk if that counts
rapunzel / @gasballceo
is a frying pan a weapon?
[yes] 57%
[no] 43%
rapunzel / @gasballceo
thank u for ur votes u have just helped me win an argument
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oh gorgoblox... / @lumberstan
lumbersweat's newest weapon: the frying pan!
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rapunzel / @gasballceo
"they might've gotten out of the fire, gorgoblox 5000...but they're jumping straight into my frying pan..."
quinnwitted: can i just say that i dont think oliver won the arguement just cause his followers are as dumb as he is
gasballceo: @benjamin18 come pick me up quinn is bullying me :(
benjamin18: then perish
gasballceo: :O
benjamin18: why are u surprised by this
quinnwitted: haha who's your saviour now
gasballceo: @jasperofficial come pick me up quinn is bullying me :(
jasperofficial: then perish (affectionate)
gasballceo: :O!
quinnwitted: get yartmapped
gasballceo: see i want to be mad but i think that's the first time you've used 'yartmap' correctly so instead im just very very pleased
benjamin18: u mean to tell me that there's a correct way to use 'yartmap'
benjamin18: ive been using it solely based on the vibes
jasperofficial: i think vibes are the best basis for that expression
gasballceo: im disappointed in all of u
quinnwitted: oh im sorry did u invent the word or something smh
gasballceo: bet
quinnwitted: ...what
benjamin18: sadly can confirm
jasperofficial: most of the time i dont want to be a lucid bc its very confusing and i am very small & have no money but then oliver says something like that and i wish i could make something very stupid a part of reality with minimal effort
benjamin18: no more messing with my dream please
gasballceo: what if it's to get rid of ppl >:(
benjamin18: for the last time we're not kicking quinn out of the dreamscape
gasballceo: im not talking ab quinn this time
quinnwitted: this time????
gasballceo: i just got followed by some unfortunate ppl ://
jasperofficial: who?
gasballceo: ur half brothers? step brothers? idk
jasperofficial: oh u mean the ones who tried to kill quinn?
gasballceo: yep
jasperofficial: hmm. @benjamin18 are u sure we cant kick them out
quinnwitted: why did they follow oliver anyway
benjamin18: probably bc hes the only one of us they dont already know & they hoped he wouldnt notice or care
gasballceo: plot twist: i would d*e for my friends so ofc i noticed !!
jasperofficial: oliver pls do not die for us
gasballceo: bet?
benjamin18: @gasballceo no
gasballceo: :(
quinnwitted: i am very concerned ab that emoji
gasballceo: all jokes here lads we're all good
gasballceo: should i follow them back??
benjamin18: are they private?
gasballceo: nah they're public figures like jasper
gasballceo: they arent verified tho get yartmapped
jasperofficial: oh wow finally something i have over them
quinnwitted: if they arent private then don't follow but do keep an eye on them
quinnwitted: i dont like that they are following u ://
quinnwitted: do u think they have smt planned?
benjamin18: well since their last plan backfired very spectacularly bc of william with a dictionary i will be honest and say that i am not that concerned
william / @hoodiejasper
learn to respect boundaries or meet my dictionary
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william / @hoodiejasper
idk why but @gasballceo told me to tweet this so here u go oliver
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rapunzel / @gasballceo
YES WILLIAM UR THE BEST
dream team updates / @dtupdates
the #dreamteam and parts of the #jaspercult come to @jasperofficial's defence after he requests not to be contacted about the new @japple announcement. let's remember to respect all of their wishes!
eat the rich / @japplehater
considering changing my @ to jasperlover bc i came for the anti japple and stayed for the pro jasper
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oh gorgoblox... / @lumberstan
we're between seasons on lumbersweats so i may as well be 'dreamteamstan' now
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eat the rich / @japplehater
solidarity
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
call out post for @jasperofficial
- hasn't introduced me to his mom yet :(
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
oh! she works a lot but she's home now if u wanna come over? bring the dream team
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jasper rights / @quinnwitted
yes! yes! ms dudepants jaspers mom i would die for you
gasballceo: hey jasper if were meeting ur mom what should we call her
gasballceo: like i assume she's not mrs jasperson anymore yknow
jasperofficial: u could call her dudepants !!
gasballceo: ...why would i do that
jasperofficial: bc it's her name?
quinnwitted: yeah dudepants is a common first (& last name) here how did u not know that?
benjamin18: why on earth is that a common name ???
quinnwitted: it's ur dream man i just live here
benjamin18: @gasballceo ?
gasballceo: for once man, wasn't me. no idea.
benjamin18: but u don't remember that at all? from this being ur reality??
gasballceo: u dont remember it from growing up here either don't @ me
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
@gasballceo didnt know dudepants is a name lol can u imagine
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rapunzel / @gasballceo
i specifically said NOT to @ me
quinteresting / @quinnwitted
MS DUDEPANTS I WOULD DIE FOR U BEST MOM EVER AWARD
[image: quinn has his arm around a bemused looking, but smiling, woman. on her other side sits jasper, looking at the two of them with a soft expression.]
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
my mom says that she appreciates you all being so nice!! she also says that if you have bad parents she will be your mom now!!
[image: jasper's mom smiles at the camera and waves with both hands]
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kila / @antiloveparasite
[image: a screenshot of quinn's earlier tweet, minus the image]
benjamin18: jasper ur mom is trending above the japple announcements
gasballceo: i love this songggg
jasperofficial: me too
jasperofficial: thanks for distracting her today guys, she hasnt been doing great since we found out ab dad & it's really nice to see her smiling so much
quinnwitted: she deserves the whole entire world
quinnwitted: as do u
quinnwitted: sorry ur dad sucks :/
jasperofficial: its ok i have u guys
jasperofficial: and the jasper cult
jasperofficial: who needs a dad when i have much better things
gasballceo: jasper >>>>
jasperofficial: dream team >>>>>
Japple / @japple ✔︎
Watch the highlights from our latest updates in this video:
[video: a la steve jobs, james jasperson stands on a near empty stage, providing updates about the company’s products and designs for the upcoming year, including an anticipated announcement for the jPhone VI]
jack / @backtothepast
WIRELESS HEADPHONES HELL YEAH
henry / @busybee
did some more reading ab @jasperofficial after i saw the trending page today & i gotta say i’m not entirely sure how to feel about @japple @jamesjapple anymore…
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kila / @antiloveparasite
it’s especially slimy that @jamesjapple built his persona on the idea of being a family man (the ad with @jasperofficial in it, his marriage & step sons) but then when jasper talks about it it’s SO clear that it’s all fake ://
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jack / @backtothepast
or jasper is lying ab it for clout
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kila / @antiloveparasite
aaaaand that’s the block button for you mister!
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henry / @busybee
ik i’m late to the #dreamteam party but like?? what possible reason would jasper have to lie about it?? he doesn’t even seem to WANT anything from j*mes smh
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kila / @antiloveparasite
i love how ur new to it but are already censoring j*mes - welcome to the family henry
James Jasperson / @jamesjapple
Wonderful day yesterday with my two boys, @dudepantsryan and @dudepantsalex! So nice to have my family around me during the important moments of my career
[image: James leans back slightly against a heavy wooden desk. Beside him, standing closer to each other than to James, are Ryan and Alex. They are standing much straighter than their step-father.]
jasperofficial: dont talk to me about the photo
jasperofficial: im going offline for the day just
jasperofficial: i wish no one had ever found out who i was i wish id never meet ryan and alex i wish i didnt know james is my dad and i wish i wasnt verified so people would just leave me alone
jasperofficial: sorry i just
jasperofficial: sorry
jasperofficial is offline.
gasballceo: is now a bad time to mention that i got dm from alex?
benjamin18: dont u have to be mutuals to dm
gasballceo: well yes but i was keeping an eye on them like u guys said & i saw alex @ me asking to message me & i got curious
quinnwitted: and what did alex want to message you about
gasballceo: ok so u just typed out the word ‘you’ so ik that youre mad but hear me out please
gasballceo: he says that he feels bad ab how everything went down and that he and ryan dont even really like james - he claims that they thought ‘protecting’ jasper might help their relationship but lately seeing everything ab jasper & james’s relationship theyve realised that they’re all in the same boat really
gasballceo: and im not saying i believe it at all bc it seems bit sus but alex has asked if he could meet us
benjamin18: wow ok
benjamin18: and what did u say?
gasballceo: nothing yet, i figured since u two actually met them id get ur take on things
gasballceo: quinn? thoughts?
quinnwitted: jasper just said that he wishes no one ever found out who he was...idk if im included in that statement but it does make me wary of pushing things ://
benjamin18: quinn im sure jasper didnt mean u
quinnwitted: idk
quinnwitted: on the other hand it might be good to hear them out
quinnwitted: i am curious why james is still here even when he could just go off somewhere else
benjamin18: i’ll text jasper privately to see what he thinks, i dont think its right to do anything without telling him ab it
gasballceo: ok, let us know
Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
starting to think that people cant change but man do i want to
Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
one time i was playing dnd and i got really distracted by this sidequest to the point where i thought it was the main quest and even tho the DM kept trying to steer me away i was certain that this guy was the main villain
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turns out he was just a guy trying to do his best you know? and i worried for ages that i’d ruined the whole game. still worry about it sometimes, but i think the DM is still trying to help me
benjamin18: jasper says he’s ok with us meeting them
benjamin18: but he wants to come with us
quinnwitted: oh
quinnwitted: hes ok??
benjamin18: yeah
benjamin18: he’s staying offline cause of the twitter notifs but he says hes ok otherwise
gasballceo: shall i get alex to meet us?
quinnwitted: yeah. what about the gasball place by jasper’s house? that way if it goes bad jasper isnt far from home
gasballceo: sounds good
dream team updates / @dtupdates
does anyone have any idea what just happened? because we sure dont!
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milo / @gasballobsessed
ok i know my Brand is being eternally confused by the #dreamteam but in this one instance i think i know the answer: the dream team & alex and ryan dudepants (jasper’s step brothers) were all seen going into a gasball currency place together right?
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and then @lumberstan said they saw them talking but couldnt hear/didnt listen to what they said (in this house we respect ppl and dont eavesdrop just cause theyre public figures) but said it looked intense & then quinn stormed out & the others followed
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so it seems like they argued right but apparently alex and ryan went with them so idk
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oh also someone said that the #jaspercult joined them as well? not sure tho
dream team updates / @dtupdates
RT @gasballobsessed - a really informative thread, thank you!
Buzzfeed / @buzzfeed ✔︎
We’re pretty sure that @quinnwitted just punched @jamesjapple - read our live updates here: bitly.ly/djahf883jawe and follow us for more information!
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JASPER(S) DEFENCE / @quinnwitted
yeah and i’d do it again what about it
LNEWS / @localnews ✔︎
“They came to me because you didn’t care! They came to me, they’re mine!” Quinn Hills, friend of @jasperofficial quoted as saying following assault on @jamesjapple. Read more about it here: lnewslocal.com/article/james-jasperson-ass….
Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
honestly that went even better than i expected
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Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
i expected <nothing so im very pleasantly surprised
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
get absolutely yartmapped
[image: quinn stands above james jasperson, who’s on the ground cradling his nose. quinn appears to be trying to get closer, but is held back by oliver as well as robert and william. jasper looks on with a startled expression, but he is smiling ever so slightly.]
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
just to clear up some questions
[video: james stands, wiping a bloody hand on his trousers distastefully. he says, “that seems unnecessary.” quinn shakes off oliver, william and robert to step closer to james and speaks: “it’s been a long time coming. you never cared . you never even pretended to care about jasper, you left him and acted like he didn’t matter and that alone made me want to hunt you down and punch you right in your stupid, smug face and the only reason I didn’t was because he asked me not to. but you did the same to them--” quinn points over his shoulder to alex and ryan-- “and because jasper is a good person that was the final straw. you don’t get to treat people like they don’t matter . especially not your kids .” james smirks and says, “why, mister hills--” quinn cuts him off: “they came to me because you didn’t care! they came to me , they’re mine ! i have spent my whole life searching for a family and you don’t get to hurt them anymore .”]
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kila / @antiloveparasite
peterson thank u so much love u but that leaves so many things unanswered
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
ok basically quinn has a v complicated relationship w the concept of family & has stated multiple times that the #jaspercult (jasper esp) are his family & alex and ryan were in the cult for a while before things got...messy
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and now that jasper has forgiven them & they’ve expressed their reasoning quinn has gotten protective. also lets not pretend that j*mes doesnt deserve to be punched
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jane / @theactualinternet
i LOVE that u guys censor his name too
jasperofficial: when benjamin told him to get out or he’d force him out!
jasperofficial: when oliver had to hold quinn back!
jasperofficial: sorry i know you all were there im just riding a HIGH wow
benjamin18: i’m just glad that we’re finally getting rid of him
gasballceo: oh hard same
jasperofficial: also thank u guys for not posting any of what i said to him
quinnwitted: that’s between u two. we wont share anything u dont want us to
jasperofficial: i really am so glad i met you guys
jasperofficial: (esp @quinnwitted)
gasballceo: oh i see how it is, the guy punches your dad one time and suddenly he’s better than us, i get it
benjamin18: oliver, with all the love in the world, shut up
Tech Today / @techtoday ✔︎
BREAKING: just days after the announcement of new products, @jamesjapple announces plans to retire and leave @japple. Quote: “I’m off to chase different, brighter dreams.” He offered no information on his family or the recent fight, for which no charges were pressed
henry / @busybee
what a wild week
Jasper / @jasperofficial
Thank you all for the support over the past week, it’s really meant a lot to me & the # dreamteam . And, most importantly, it’s meant a lot to my mom!
[image: jasper and his mom standing side by side, grinning cheesily at the camera. there’s a sliver of of thumb visible in the top corner, and it’s been labelled with comic sans as ‘quinn’]
JASPER(S) DEFENCE / @quinnwitted
i should probably update the @jasperprime acc bio huh? since the dudepants are, you know, allowed in again
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Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
wait really?? @orangejasperpuffer my man???
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harold / @orangejasperpuffer
i think it’s ab time u took the jasperfice, don’t you?
gasballceo: ok so updated jasper cult get together when
quinnwitted: tomorrow, at the cliff. don’t be late
benjamin18: we wouldn’t dream of it
jasperofficial: well, technically, you would---
several people are typing…
Chapter 6: the jaspers arc
Chapter Text
hoodiejasper: do u ever feel like we’re the side characters in our own lives
orangejasperpuffer: well, given that all three of us joined a cult that requires changing our names and only conceiving of thoughts that a rather famous man is capable of conceiving, i think im going to have to go with ‘yes’
jasperwiththehat: speak for yourself im a main character
orangejasperpuffer: whatever u say robbie
jasperwiththehat: shut upppppp
hoodiejasper: oh is it make fun of robert time?? bc the time that oliver called u robbie and u didnt correct him was Very Interesting
jasperwiththehat: he calls benjamin benny it’s just how he shows friendship what was i supposed to do? reject his friendship??
hoodiejasper: methinks he doth protest too much
orangejasperpuffer: i thought we banned historical speech in the jaspers chat >:(
jasperwiththehat: maybe that rule gets changed now that were cool with alex and ryan again???
orangejasperpuffer: im glad theyre back uwu
orangejasperpuffer: alex says he wants play for us again btw
jasperwiththehat: sick
william / @hoodiejasper
@gasballceo if u ever call me willy/willie i will block u immediately idc if we’re friends
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justice for slipslap / @gasballceo
??? why would i call u that
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
suddenly very glad my name isn’t easy to nickname
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Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
peter
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
blocked
Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
which of these is the best nickname
[william - willie] 6%
[peterson - peter] 38%
[benjamin - benny] 29%
[robert - robbie] 27%
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
idk why im being included in this but my percentage is WAY to high...read my display pls. im very clear
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justice for slipslap / @gasballceo
whatever u say benny
jasperwiththehat: question - do we invite alex and ryan to this chat
hoodiejasper: no
orangejasperpuffer: not yet?
hoodiejasper: they never took the jasperfice back when that actually meant like. being the cult
hoodiejasper: now it’s just like,,, being part of the group yeah? u don’t actually become a jasper from it
orangejasperpuffer: tru
orangejasperpuffer: plus like,, this chat is for my boys yknow
jasperwiththehat: the ogs
hoodiejasper: the actual jaspers (minus jasper)
jasperwiththehat: doesn’t that imply that we have to add quinn & benjamin tho
hoodiejasper: i retract my previous statement
hoodiejasper: this chat is for us three and us three alone
orangejasperpuffer: i vibe with that
orangejasperpuffer: so we never make them aware of its existence?
jasperwiththehat: what happens in the cult-ish chat stays in the cult-ish chat ok
hoodiejasper: agreed
orangejasperpuffer: agreed
orangejasperpuffer: ...tho i can’t think of a single thing that happens here that other ppl couldn’t know ab
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
im here to expose @jasperwiththehat i just saw this man eat five slices of pineapple pizza in a row !!!!
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justice for slipslap / @gasballceo
ROBBIE MY MAN!!
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
WAIT U LIKE IT TOO???
robert / @jasperwiththehat
here to expose @hoodiejasper for tucking the strings of his hoodie in every time ?? who does that
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quinvocation / @quinnwitted
wait yeah he does do that all the time wtf
william / @hoodiejasper
here to expose @orangejasperpuffer for eating all of my peanut butter and then putting the empty jar back in the cupboard >:(
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
where’s ur proof
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william / @hoodiejasper
i watched u do it ???
hoodiejasper: if u ever tell anyone i said this i will deny it but im glad i know u two
orangejasperpuffer: what happens in the cult-ish chat stays in the cult-ish chat remember
orangejasperpuffer: also im glad i know u too :))
jasperwiththehat: yeah same
jasperwiththehat: <3 or whatever
robert / @jasperwiththehat
hey do u guys remember that buzzfeed “what jasper are u” quiz from the first time #jaspercult trended?? bc i just took it and got QUINN !!! i have never been more offended in my life
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
why is it asking me for my favourite book and why is one of the options ‘dictionary’
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william / @hoodiejasper
that’s probably my fault
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
OH YEAH
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Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
i still have a lump on my head…
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william / @hoodiejasper
that’s what u get for holding a spartan trail
milo / @gasballobsessed
following everyone in the #jaspercult was the best and worst decision i ever made
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kila / @antiloveparasite
RIGHT i feel like a scientist studying human behaviour but i have 0 context for any of what they say
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
update: finished the quiz & i got benjamin idk how to feel
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
u should feel BLESSED
william / @hoodiejasper
i also took the quiz and i got JASPER HIMSELF YEAHHHHHH @quinnwitted can i have the @jasperprime user now
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quinvocation / @quinnwitted
absolutely not
jasperwiththehat: guys guys what if we just hacked the @jasperprime acc??? i bet u anything the password is super easy to guess
hoodiejasper: oh im so in
orangejasperpuffer: this is a terrible idea
orangejasperpuffer: im in
Jasper Prime / @jasperprime
im jsut a littol creachure …..
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quinvocation / @quinnwitted
WILLIAM
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william / @hoodiejasper
maybe don’t make ur password ‘jaspersonjasper<3’ and this sort of thing wouldn’t happen
Chapter 7: the ice cream sandwich arc
Chapter Text
don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i went to get some ice cream and oliver thought i was dead
[image: a screenshot of the dream team group chat. it is just the words "gasballceo: benny" repeated.]
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oliver misses benny :( / @gasballceo
you didnt say where u were & u were gone for hours!! u couldve hopped off to another universe for all i knew!!!
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don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
'oliver misses benny' ur so dramatic
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oliver misses benny :( / @gasballceo
i havent seen u for THREE WHOLE DAYS
kila / @antiloveparasite
kinda obsessed with oliver changing his display just bc he hasnt seen benjamin for a few days
my friends could never /j
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luke misses kila :( / @badtimelongtime
how dare u imply that i dont miss u every single day were apart
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milo misses kila :( / @gasballobsessed
we have never met irl but seconded
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KILA <3 LUKE&MILO / @antiloveparasite
u guyssssss
gasballceo: benny
gasbellceo: benny
gasbellceo: benny
gasbellceo: benny
benjamin18: there are 327 messages in this chat right now
benjamin18: and 306 of them are OLIVER SAYING MY NAME
gasballceo: so u admit that benny is your name :eyes:
jasperofficial: oh man 306?? i muted this after the first 15
quinnwitted: when the second 'benny' came through i could see where this was going and dipped
benjamin18: this is why i left my phone at home smh
gasballceo: thats dangerous
benjamin18: my dream remember? my rules
quinnwitted: pretty sure u can still get murked in your dream
benjamin18: not me
benjamin18: u cant prove that i can die until i do
gasballceo: please dont die
jasperofficial: where were u anyway benjamin? :)
benjamin18: oh uh
benjamin18: just out
quinnwitted: well that's suspicious
benjamin18: no no its nothing bad i promise just
benjamin18: stuff
gasballceo: still suspicious but i'll allow it
gasballceo: for now :knife:
benjamin18: that's so unnecessarily threatening???
gasballceo: i considered a frying pan emoji but u dont acknowledge that as a weapon
benjamin18: but WHY do u want to threaten me
jasperofficial: bc we care ab u and want to be sure u are safe & happy
benjamin18: i am both of those things rn i promise
quinnwitted: better be
quinnwitted: also u went for ice cream and didnt get us any??? rude
benjamin18: bold of u to assume that im not stocking my fridge with ice cream sandwiches just for u guys
gasballceo: I WILL BE OVER IMMEDIATELY
benjamin18: i would expect nothing less
oliver no longer misses benny / @gasballceo
the boys are back!!!
[image: oliver and benjamin are pressed shoulder to shoulder. oliver has one arm extended to take a selfie and is grinning so wide that his eyes scrunch. benjamin is also grinning but his looks softer and looser. they are both holding chocolate ice cream sandwiches]
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jane / @theactualinternet
why is this the cutest thing i've seen all day :sob:
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
best way to have ice cream?
[in a cone] 32%
[in a cup/bowl] 26%
[ice cream sandwich] 31%
[ice pop] 11%
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quinner quinner chicken dinner / @quinnwitted
what do u guys have against ice pops
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eat the rich / @japplehater
its not that i have anything against them they just barely count as ice cream
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quinner quinner chicken dinner / @quinnwitted
WAIT I LOVE UR @ OMG
quinnwitted: @benjamin18 where r u? its cult night
benjamin18: sorry sorry im on my way
quinnwitted: why didnt u come with oliver like normal?
benjamin18: i was just busy today & he was working anyway
benjamin18: i did tell him id come on my own didnt he say??
quinnwitted: he did but ur now a half hour late and didnt answer his call
benjamin18: damnit
benjamin18: @gasballceo im so sorry my phone was off
gasballceo: its fine!!
gasballceo: but this is still suspicious :knife:
benjamin18: please stop threatening to stab me i am Trying my Best
william / @hoodiejasper
something is going on with benjamin & oliver, updates to follow
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KILA <3 LUKE&MILO / @antiloveparasite
a good something or a bad something??
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
we arent sure yet
toad sings / @gasballceo
why are u tweeting ab my life @hoodiejasper @jasperwiththehat
this is why @orangejasperpuffer is my favourite smh
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
nice
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Thing 2 / @dudepantsalex
where do me and ryan rank?
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toad sings / @gasballceo
today? your in joint third
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don't call me b*nny / @benjamin18
where am i????
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toad sings / @gasballceo
ur always first
luke misses kila :( / @badtimelongtime
now i just want @gasballceo to rank all of the #jaspercult
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toad sings / @gasballceo
oooo YES im not gonna rank them but i will RATE them out of ten
toad sings / @gasballceo
rating the #jaspercult: a thread
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first up: our boy benjamin @benjmain18!! we give him 9/10, would be 10/10 but he's keeping secrets rn soooo
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@jasperofficial gets a 10/10 bc he's literally jasper??? also just the sweetest guy around, we have to love and appreciate him at all times
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6/10 for @quinnwitted bc he made benjamin cry one time & bullies me in the gc >:(
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@dudepantsalex & @dudepantsryan both get 5/10 idk them that well yet & i only know them from the spartan trial that benny told me ab & the night j*mes got punched
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@orangejasperpuffer is a solid 8/10 we vibe together & both like scrabble
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my man @jasperwiththehat gets 9/10 bc we both like pineapple pizza & it’s nice to have a buddy on that front cause everyone else hates it
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and last but not least @hoodiejasper gets an 8/10, he loses points for tweeting ab me & also tucking his hoodie strings in what is UP with that dude
quinnwitted: really? 6/10?
gasballceo: do u think u deserve higher?
jasperofficial: ur 10/10 to me quinn
quinnwitted: thank you jasper im glad someone cares
benjamin18: i can’t believe i didnt get a perfect score even after u told me im always top of the ranking smh
gasballceo: tell me ur secret then problem solved
benjamin18: soon i promise
gasballceo: how soon is soon
benjamin18: ...less than a week? i think?
gasballceo: u think?
benjamin18: yeah
benjamin18: no more than a week, promise
jasperofficial: u don’t have to tell us until ur ready!!
benjamin18: i know!! i do want to tell u but it’ll be easier in a little bit trust me
quinnwitted: we do
dream team updates / @dtupdates
oliver @gasballceo recently tweeted a thread where he rated the # jaspercult - he mentioned that @benjamin18 is keeping secrets. Any guesses what it might be?
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milo misses kila :( / @gasballobsessed
it can’t be anything bad or oliver wouldn’t be tweeting ab it im sure
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jane / @theactualinternet
yeah but remember that william & robert weren’t sure if there was something good or bad going on with them
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milo misses kila :( / @gasballobsessed
p much immediately after that oliver said that benjamin is always number one jasper to him tho
henry / @busybee
hey @jasperofficial i doubt you’ll see this but im just really curious as to how u met @quinnwitted & the rest??
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Jasper / @jasperofficial
@quinnwitted started a cult in my name & @benjamin18 joined it. later benjamin showed up at my house with @gasballceo and then we became the dream team
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henry / @busybee
….huh?
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KILA <3 LUKE&MILO / @antiloveparasite
@gasballobsessed someone is taking over ur job of being the Most Confused ab the #dreamteam
benjamin18: hey do u guys wanna come over for ice cream?? there’s someone that i want u to meet
quinnwitted: do u have other friends suddenly
benjamin18: sort of? just come over
gasballceo: is this secret related?
benjamin18: ye
jasperofficial: we’ll be there soon!!
AH-EE / @gasballceo
I NEED TO UPDATE MY JASPERS RATINGS BC !!!!!
Ellie is 1000/10, the sweetest little thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, she can’t say ‘L’ yet but she tries so hard ahhhhhhhhhh
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
my daughter is not in the cult oliver
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AH-EE / @gasballceo
not with that attitude she isn’t
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
since @gasballceo already spilled (couldn’t even give me 5mins to tweet smh he’s lucky he’s my best friend): yes i do have a daughter, no i will not be sharing pictures, yes she is absolutely wonderful and adorable and sweet and i love her more than anything
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i think we all already love her more than anything !!!
UNCLE QUINN / @quinnwitted
bc i know you’re all dying for more info: oliver has declared Ellie his best friend and Benjamin is pretending to be offended but can’t stop smiling. we are all eating ice cream sandwiches (even tho ice pops are clearly superior) and idk if Oliver or Ellie is messier
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Jasper / @jasperofficial
don’t forget Oliver introducing himself as Ollie so that they’d “match” and then melting when she pronounced it as “ah-ee”
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luke misses kila :( / @badtimelongtime
well that explains his display at least
william / @hoodiejasper
hey @benjamin18 when do we get to meet this mysterious ellie
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
don’t u think quinn oliver and jasper are overwhelming enough for one day
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william / @hoodiejasper
understandable have a nice day
jasperofficial: you know what I still don’t understand?
jasperofficial: why didn’t u tell us u were meeting with ellie & isabelle??
benjamin18: i didn’t know how it would go
benjamin18: and it went surprisingly well the first time so i didn’t want to jinx it
benjamin18: and then when it started to get even better and we talked ab me getting to see ellie on her own i thought it would be fun to surprise u
gasballceo: well colour me surprised
gasballceo: but of all the secrets u could’ve been keeping she is def the best one
quinnwitted: agreed
benjamin18: yeah but secrets are even better when they’re shared so
benjamin18: im glad u guys got to meet her <3
Chapter 8: the confusion arc
Chapter Text
henry / @busybees
my experience with the #dreamteam fans so far:
[image: the 'Is this a pidgeon?' meme, but it's been poorly edited so that the man is labelled 'dream team official fan group chat', the butterfly is labelled 'seven contradictory theories at once', and the caption reads 'is this a good explanation?']
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kila / @antiloveparasite
we are telling u exactly what the dream team has told us! what more do you want from us!!
eat the rich / @japplehater
top moments in the #dreamteam fandom so far:
- jane asking why benjamin joined quinn's cult and being told 'we dont talk ab that'
- the way it took us three months to realise that kila and luke know each other irl
- the week that destiel went canon & sweat 5000 held hands & we couldnt decide what was more dramatic
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luke / @badtimelongtime
- Milo Is Confused
- Milo Is Confused 2: Electric Boogaloo
- Confused 3: This Time It's @busybees
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henry / @busybees
this is the most confusing fandom i've ever been in @gasballobsessed back me up here
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milo / @gasballobsessed
it is very confusing. u have to learn to roll with it
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henry / @busybees
JASPER TOLD ME THEY MET IN A CULT AND NONE OF U COULD EXPLAIN
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eat the rich / @japplehater
more top moments:
- the time henry asked for an explanation from jasper, was told the exact thing that we'd been saying, and then blames us somehow??
busybees: bernie u dont have to roast me publically :((
japplehater: yh i do its how u know ur one of us
theactualinternet: tbf, they also roasted milo
busybees: nah it was luke who roasted milo
badtimelongtime: if u cant roast ur long distance partner are they even ur long distance partner??
antiloveparasite: u say that as if u dont roast me everyday and u live up the road from me
badtimelongtime: shut up kila
antiloveparasite: dont tell me to shut up im ur best friend
gasballobsessed: wait i though i was ur best friend :((
antiloveparasite: ur both my best friends <3
busybees: ok ok ok can we get back to u explaining the dream team to me??? cause i'm still confused
japplehater: we said u just have to roll with it
busybees: ok this time i will 'roll with it'
busybees: just start from the beginning
theactualinternet: i think @lumberstan has been here the longest? mal u around?
lumberstan: i have been Summoned
lumberstan: also yh sorry i havent been active much
lumberstan: finals, u know
theactualinternet: oh! we dont mean to interupt ur studying
lumberstan: nah i should take a break anyway. what's up??
japplehater: we have a new member @busybees who would like an explanation/rundown of everything we know about the dream team
lumberstan: oooo hold on i was actually gonna make a thread of stuff anyway
oh gorgoblox... / @lumberstan
by request of @gasballobsessed like two months ago and also @busybees like twelve minutes ago, may i present - everything we know about the #dreamteam so far: a thread
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so first of all, rundown of who the dream team are:
@jasperofficial - jasper jasperson, son of j*mes j*sperson, the subject of the cult
@quinnwitted - quinn hills, leader of the cult, very mysterious
@gasballceo - oliver todaro, head writer of lumbersweats, newest cult member
@benjamin18 - benjamin lewis, part of the og cult & oliver’s best friend
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also tbh we don’t really know much ab the cult? whenever anyone asks one of them they just talk ab it so matter of fact - apparently quinn started a cult in jasper’s name?? and that’s where The Jaspers come in
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so The Jaspers are:
@hoodiejasper - william, we think he was the first other than quinn
@orangepuffeejasper - peterson, he’s the mvp imo bc he does a lot of the live tweeting & filming
@jasperwiththehat - robert, seems like such a dudebro but we know he loves romance movies & taylor swift so make of that what u will
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also @dudepantsryan & @dudepantsalex were in the cult but we dont really know for how long/how involved they were???
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also also no, we don’t know how legit the cult was?? @theactualinternet once found an old craigslist that looked like it might be the origin, I think she tweeted it once
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okay so quinn, benjamin, The Jaspers, alex, and ryan are are in the cult. jasper meets them all at a cult meeting?? for some reason he is Chill with this
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there’s something in here about a spartan trial? that comes up a lot but never with any context attached???
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peterson said that things got “messy” between The Jaspers & alex & ryan and alex & ryan left the cult - unclear what happened but oliver said once that he knew about alex & ryan bc of the spartan trial so we assume it’s related
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according to jasper “later” benjamin showed up at his house with oliver and they “became the dream team”
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why dream team??? we simply do not know
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sometimes quinn & oliver say “this is ur dream, [we] just live here” to benjamin? and jasper says “dreams are real” a lot? idk what kind of inside joke they’ve got going on but dreams are clearly important to them all which is very cute ♥︎
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anyway that’s really all the context that we have for any of their nonsense!! so the rest of this thread will just be fun things!! & i will add to it if anything new happens
busybees: @lumberstan thank u that was so unhelpful
lumberstan: @busybees ur welcome they are very unclear
busybees: like?? was there actually a cult????
theactualinternet: ooooo mal u missed the part ab how jasper was a baby on pampers packaging my screenshot won’t make any sense w/o that context
lumberstan: aw damn i knew i was missing something
busybees: ?????????
gasballobsessed: henry mate i told u to roll with it
theactualinternet : found this a few months back when looking at funny ads
[image: a slightly grainy screenshot of quinn’s original ad for joining the cult]
theactualinternet: it got passed around on reddit & tumblr a bit as just a funny meme so when i saw it after the jasper cult stuff i did some digging and it looks legit
lumberstan: AH I ALSO FORGOT AB THE JASPERPRIME ACC
lumberstan: ok thread cancelled i’ll do another one when my brain isn’t scrambled from finals
busybees: so there actually was a cult
busybees: huh
kila / @antiloveparasite
would you befriend the leader of a cult that worshipped you??? /gen
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
yeah & i only regret it sometimes
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milo / @gasballobsessed
KILA
antiloveparasite: GUYS I DIDNT EVEN @ HIM HOW DID JASPER SEE THAT
badtimelongtime: KILA
lumberstan: KILA RIGHTSSSS
freddofantastic: jasper is stalking us confirmed /j
lumberstan: oh hey fred!! :0
theactualinternet: fred!! it’s been a while!!
lumberstan: oof and hes gone again
busybees: who was that??
lumberstan: fred! hes one of the ogs but he’s not active much anymore lol
antiloveparasite: JASPER IS STALKING ME???
antiloveparasite: he doesn’t follow me so idk how he saw that ahhhhhhhhh
gasballobsessed: mayb he just searches ‘cult’ sometimes to see what else is out there
lumberstan: maybe hes looking for other people who have had cults made ab them
theactualinternet: actually that’s an interesting point - how many cults are formed to worship not the leader but just...a Guy?
theactualinternet: remember no one knew jasper was j*mes’s son until after some of the cult stuff - it doesn’t sound like even The Jaspers did
antiloveparasite: hey yeah!
antiloveparasite: they just joined a cult for a random baby on some pampers packaging ahzhaixi
gasballobsessed: me, looking at The Jaspers: i would like to study them
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
serious question: what would fans of the #jaspercult do if me william and robert changed our @
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milo / @gasballobsessed
cry
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kila / @antiloveparasite
cry
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jane / @theactualinternet
cry
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
okayyyyyy ig im not changing my @?
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Jasper / @jasperofficial
were you planning to? :(
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
jasper i want it known that i never even THOUGHT about changing mine i promise ily
lumberstan: guys what if we all changed our @ to have jasper in it like The Jaspers
gasballobsessed: that seems like a lot of effort
antiloveparasite: the dream team does it all the time milo dont be lame
gasballobsessed: im just saying!!!
theactualinternet: i actually agree with milo!
theactualinternet: HOWEVER
theactualinternet: the mishapocalypse 2: this time it’s jasper??? yes or yes??
japplehater: cursed
japplehater: but i love it
theactualinternet: isn’t it just
badtimelongtime: sorry if this is lame but whats the mishapocalypse???
theactualinternet: i--
theactualinternet: sometimes i forget im the oldest one here and then one of u says something like this and i suddenly feel all 24 years of my life weighing very heavily on me……..
antiloveparasite: omg luke
antiloveparasite: don’t mine him he was one +whispers+ bandom tumblr
theactualinternet: OOOOOOH
badtimelongtime: wow call me out smh
lumberstan: @badtimelongtime to answer ur question it was basically a day that everyone on the hellsite changed their icons to this one actor and spammed gifs with his face edited into it and generally just ran chaotically through the dashboard
lumberstan: i doubt even we could match the chaos of that day
lumberstan: but that doesnt mean we shouldnt TRY
several people are typing...
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
why does everyone look like me?
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jasperpocalypse / @quinnwitted
wdm
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
quinn if this is your fault--
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jasperpocalypse / @gasballceo
for once, none of us started it skfkaaef BUT ISNT IT BEAUTIFUL
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
Somehow, this is weirder than the cult
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jasperpocalypse / @benjamin18
i know i joined in but like yeah. ur right. this is weirder
busybees: im still confused ab the cult thing
lumberstan: we know henry
busybees: like i just wish someone would explain it
badtimelongtime: we know henry
Chapter 9: the autopilot arc
Notes:
ITS BEEN A WEEK SINCE PART SIX AND GUESS WHAT FIC IS STILL CANON COMPLIANT YEAHHHH
(the only thing that was actually contradicted is that harold goes by peterson but shhh
edit: and i've fixed that now anyway hell yeah)
Chapter Text
benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
benny’s asleep, post his autopilot
[video: benjamin sits on the sofa, looking at his hands. he is, of course, holding an apple. from offscreen, oliver asks, “hey benji, do you know you’re dreaming?” without looking up, benjamin replies, “maybe if you had a f**king business that you were passionate about then you would know what it takes to run a f**king business but you don’t—”]
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
does...does benjamin quote the kardashians in his sleep??
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
sometimes he sings schoolhouse rock, it’s great
oliver todaro my beloathed ☹︎ / @benjamin18
oliver’s awake post his fails
[video: quinn and oliver are a few metres away from the camera, almost silhouetted against a sunset. quinn is riding a longboard in smooth circles around oliver while the latter struggles to get his balance. as quinn comes to an easy stop, oliver slips and crashes to the ground. benjamin, from behind the camera, calls, “ollie you weren’t even on the board yet!” this is followed by laughter from all of them, including soft giggles from jasper, also behind the camera]
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jane / @theactualinternet
are we going to talk about the matching displays or…?
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
honestly i can never tell what is and isn’t a bit with them. I swear they have their language, it’s like they share a brain sometimes.
gasballceo: “it’s like they share a brain” go on and expose us then
jasperofficial: literally no one is going to think i mean that literally
quinnwitted: also i love how that’s what u decided to comment on and not benjamin exposing your complete inability to longboard
gasballceo: oh no i exposed his autopilot i was honestly expecting something much worse
benjamin18: oh so jasper can’t say “share a brain” but u can say “post his autopilot” and that’s fine???
gasballceo: no one knows what autopilot means
benjamin18: no one outside of this chat knows we share a brain????
jasperofficial: also im still very confused by that
benjamin18: retweet
gasballceo: retweet
quinnwitted: and somehow you two are the beginning of everything smh
gasballceo: i may be an idiot
benjamin18: but?
gasballceo: no that’s it
benjamin18: smh u really make us look good huh
gasballceo: benny ur the brains of the operation
quinnwitted : the man who’s autopilot is keeping up with the kardashians is the brains of the operation???
jasperofficial: i wonder what mine is :thinking:
quinnwitted: we could find out :eyes:
william / @hoodiejasper
my ‘quinn is about to do something stupid’ senses are tingling
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milo / @gasballobsessed
are you gonna try to stop him?
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william / @hoodiejasper
no
peterson / @orangepufferjasper
the dream team just RAN out of the house im scared
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kila / @antiloveparasite
wait do you all live together ??
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peterson / @orangepufferjasper
sometimes!
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luke / @badtimelongtime
why is it literally impossible to get a straight answer from any of you smh
gasballceo: quinn? do u read me quinn?
benjamin18: i still think it’s impossible for our phones to work between dreamscapes
gasballceo: U NEVER KNOW
benjamin18: i half created everything in existence i feel like I know
gasballceo: i created the other half and i know for a fact that neither of us have any idea how this works
benjamin18: ...okay point
benjamin18: also why are we texting when we’re right next to each other
gasballceo: in case quinn can see these messages
gasballceo: and also so we don’t wake jasper
benjamin18: the whole POINT is to wake jasper so that quinn can see his autopilot ?????
quinnwitted: wait did you guys seriously try to text me while i was in jasper’s dream???
gasballceo: i thought it was worth testing!! you brought your phone with you!!
quinnwitted: WHY would phones work between dreamscapes???
benjamin18: why wouldn’t they ig
gasballceo: also, japple?
quinnwitted: why would u think i would own japple products ew
benjamin18: oliver
benjamin18: do u have a japple phone?
gasballceo: ….
gasballceo: it’s my WORK PHONE OKAY
jasperofficial: switch to pinephone rn :knife:
gasballceo: DID JASPER JUST KNIFE EMOJI ME WHAT SHDJAIXIA
milo / @gasballobsessed
okay @benjamin18 @gasballceo it’s time to explain ur display names what’s going on
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kila / @antiloveparasite
I don’t know why you bother trying to get a straight answer out of them
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
just for that kila we’re going to
kila / @antiloveparasite
OLIVER TODARO CREATOR AND HEAD WRITER OF LUMBERSWEATS KNOWS MY NAME????????
oliver todaro my beloathed ☹︎ / @benjamin18
wait are we actually explaining @gasballceo
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
no lol
dream team updates / @dtupdates
...I don’t know why I expected any differently
jasperofficial: the dream team fans must hate u
gasballceo: look how ab u explain that the names came from the fact that we played pretend in second grade but also second grade was like two days ago and in our game i wanted to get married and benjamin decided to be a twist villain instead and stabbed me >:((
benjamin18: we were seven years old get over it
gasballceo: IT WAS TWO DAYS AGO
quinnwitted: how old even ARE you two
benjamin18: that’s a very sensitive question
gasballceo: BENNY IS SEVEN IN HIS REALITY
benjamin18: u act like ur seven in yours
gasballceo: :(
benjamin18: <3
jasperofficial: i mean do any of us really know how old we are if all of our memories are dreams and we’re dreams and benjamin and oliver started the universe after the beginning of those memories and we’re all just branching off from that point
quinnwitted: uh
quinnwitted: jasper are u ok
jasperofficial: :thumbs_up:
gasballceo: jasper sometimes u say stuff like that and i feel very bad for telling u everything
jasperofficial: u would feel worse if u kept a secret from me :(( and that’s a p big secret :((
gasballceo: jasper i could never keep a secret from u!!!!! i love ya too much
jasperofficial: good
jasperofficial: ahdjxjaks love ya too
jasperofficial: anyway my point is that u could tell them something !!! u don’t have to say it was two days ago I could say that u found stuff from when u were in second grade & it reminded u smh
gasballceo: but it’s more fun to be chaotic on main and not explain anything
benjamin18: retweet
quinnwitted: smh benjamin i thought you were the sensible one
benjamin18: i joined ur cult i think by definition that makes me not sensible
quinnwitted: fair
benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
for all asking ab my display idk why ur confused?? it seems pretty self explanatory to me…..i love benny and he loathes me idk what else to tell u
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oliver todaro my beloathed ☹︎ / @benjamin18
yeah what he said
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
love you ❤︎❤︎❤︎
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oliver todaro my beloathed ☹︎ / @benjamin18
leave me alone
luke / @badtimelongtime
tbf this chaotic-ness is how u can tell that benjamin and oliver are fr best friends like,,, if you can’t do stupid bits and make fun of ur best friend you aren’t best friends
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kila / @antiloveparasite
idiot
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luke / @badtimelongtime
:(
gasballceo: i feel like we haven’t talked enough ab jasper’s autopilot being the digits of pi song
gasballceo: like ik it was also the entire plot of lumbersweats which is very ☺︎︎♥︎☺︎︎ but the digits of pi song?? how far did he get???
quinnwitted: it went on for a long time
jasperofficial: i know the whole song lol
jasperofficial: i mean i didn’t realise that i knew it enough for it to be my autopilot but i memorised it in the seventh grade
jasperofficial: also the periodic table one, and the countries of the world song
gasballceo: :0
gasballceo: how have we never heard these,,, through all of our karaoke nights,,,,
benjamin18: jasper doesn’t want us to have video evidence of that lol he knows we’d expose him
quinnwitted: and he’d probably end up trending again
jasperofficial: trending w education stuff might not be terrible
jasperofficial: next jasper cult hang out i will sing for u
gasballceo: GET HYPE
benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
@jasperofficial just told us what he's singing at friday karaoke and it's gonna be SO good
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henry / @busybees
ooo can we get a hint
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
"And now, Yakko Warner presents..."
oh lumbersweats... / @lumberstan
JASPER IS AN ANIMANIACS FAN WHY DOES THIS MAKE SO MUCH SENSE
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dudepants / @gorgoblox5001
wakko warner and gorgoblox have the same energy prove me wrong
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oh lumbersweats... / @lumerstan
the unexplained accent, the hat, the chilled yet chaotic vibe... you might be onto something here
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
you all have been asking for it so here it is: the #jaspercult friday night karaoke live tweet
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so @hoodiejasper and i are up first, we're duetting love is an open door from frozen, you don't get a video of this one bc it is Very Dumb
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@quinnwitted's go-to karaoke song is firework by katy perry - if any of u are surprised by this even AFTER seeing the posterboard collection then that's a personal problem
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@benjamin18 is boring and doesnt sing :((
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INSTEAD HE RAPS ARE U READY FOR THIS
[video: benjamin shakes out his shoulders as the intro to eminem's rap god plays. 'six--six minutes slim shady you're on--' off camera, william says, "there's no way he can actually do this, is there?" oliver shushes him. the first verses starts and benjamin absolutely nails it.]
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twitter won't let me upload the whole vid :( but know that benjamin did in fact perform that without missing a BEAT and we were all very impressed
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@hoodiejasper & @jasperwiththehat are now going to absolutely body everywhere I go (not putting a vid of this one bc ik i have young followers, if u know u know & i cannot recommend it if u don’t know it)
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now our newest edition, @gasballceo, has come in strong with my heart will go on. i have muted the video to spare you all
[video: oliver, signing aggressively, drops to his knees and, with his hands curled into aggressive fists, sings towards the ceiling.]
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alright, finally, we are at the moment you have all been waiting for: @jasperofficial is UP and he’s got a three-song performance planned for us…
[video: jasper stands with his hands in his jacket pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet. the music starts, jasper smiles and glances towards quinn, who’s just slightly visible in the video. he begins to sing the periodic table of the elements song]
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and the second song
[video: jasper looks a little more relaxed now, dancing a little with his shoulders as he sings one hundred digits of pi, smiling at oliver and benjamin, who laugh and cheer him on.]
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and the grand finale:
[video: jasper bops along to the music, bouncing from his knees like the animaniacs characters do—and then he nails the countries of the world song completely. quinn whistles and claps, beaming.]
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@ everyone in my mentions talking ab how much they love jasper: do u understand why we have a cult dedicated to him??? look at him! he’s the best!!
eat the rich / @japplehater
jasper jasperson i owe u my whole life
f in the chat / @freddofantastic
nerd jasper rights
milo / @gasballobsessed
jasper being all nerdy and smiling in those videos cleared my skin and watered my crops he is the love of my life
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luke / @badtimelongtime
what am i, chopped liver???
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kila / @antiloveparasite
lol get yartmapped luke
benjamin18: wait
gasballceo: ?
benjamin18: whats quinn’s autopilot??
gasballceo: :O
gasballceo: oooo idk
jasperofficial: have u ever been to quinns dream??
quinnwitted: i don’t have a dream
benjamin18: ???
quinnwitted: im a memory remember? things are dif for me cause im ~special~
gasballceo: nah im calling bull on that
gasballceo: ur still a *person* quinn
quinnwitted: ok
gasballceo: >:(
jasperofficial: :(
quinnwitted: i said ok!!!
quinnwitted: i still don’t have a dream
benjamin18: literally everyone dreams that’s the foundation of the universe & i would know cause i was there
quinnwitted: u didn’t even know u were there until like five months ago
benjamin18: ariana_grande_what_about_it.gif
gasballceo: he’s still right tho
gasballceo: u must dream at least sometimes
quinnwitted: nope
jasperofficial: i feel like ur lying to me
quinnwitted: not to u, just to benjamin
jasperofficial: aha!
quinnwitted: wait—
quinnwitted: oh sneaky
gasballceo: wait what just happened
quinnwitted: jasper was pm’ing me in hopes that i would get confused and answer here and then i did >:(
benjamin18: jasper that was downright devious
gasballceo: knife emojis, three songs at karaoke, tricking quinn...what’s next for jasper jasperson
jasperofficial: speaking of :knife: have u switched to pinephone yet
gasballceo: ahdjdksjxoajda
gasballceo: we were talking ab quinns dreams
benjamin18: yeah hold up
benjamin18: why u lying quinn
[quinnwitted is offline]
gasballceo: hmmmmm
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
serious question why do all of my friends cope by running away when i have abandonment issues
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
wait this was meant for my private
it’s too late to delete it now tho huh
eat the rich / @japplehater
i know he retired or whatever and no one has heard from him for like a month but seriously FRICK j*mes j*sperson >:(((
kila / @antiloveparasite
but what who’s running away
quinnwitted: jasper :(((
quinnwitted: im sorry i promise im not running away
jasperofficial: then what are u doing
quinnwitted: i am coming to ur house
jasperofficial: oh!
benjamin18: can we come or is this a quinn&jasper thing ??
quinnwitted: a quinn&jasper thing. for now.
gasballceo: okay! let us know how it goes :))
jasperofficial: next time tell me that ur coming tho
jasperofficial: i was worried
quinnwitted: sorry sorry sorry <3
quinnwitted: im ten minutes away
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
false alarm guys we’re all ok
[image: a selfie that cuts off both people’s heads. quinn and jasper are distinguishable because of their jackets, and quinn is curled slightly towards jasper, whose arm is outstretched slightly to take the picture.]
jane / @theactualinternet
that was the wildest forty minutes of my life
quinnwitted: hey guys
quinnwitted: im gonna type for a while ok
gasballceo: okay!
quinnwitted: okay so i do have a dreamscape obviously u guys were right but it’s not really...it’s not really like yours?? it’s just...im a memory and so my dreams tend to be...memories. and until pretty recently i didn’t have a lot of good memories. so my dreams tend to be not very nice and i try very hard not to dream very much at all bc Yikes
quinnwitted: and yknow lucid abilities, i don’t have to dream if i don’t want to so i just try not to !! and idk maybe now that i have more good memories with like the cult and u guys it would be ok but im lowkey (highkey) scared to go back
quinnwitted: bc im so happy here, now, and i don’t want to...idk.
gasballceo: can i say smt?
quinnwitted: go for it
gasballceo: while i was waiting to catch up to u guys, my therapist talked to me about bad memories a lot & how hiding from them was doing me more harm than good - he was right yknow. i was trying to forget the past completely and ignore the bad times but i couldn’t do that forever. i think u have to take the bad memories - without them u wouldn’t have ended up here, being so happy
gasballceo: and he also said that memories aren’t as...unchanging as we think. the more we try to recall them, the more details can get smudged, for better or worse. you can’t ignore them obv but you can just...take them as they are. the past for what it is and the future for what it can be.
gasballceo: idk it really helped me while i was waiting for my brother & ik it’s not the same at all but whatever u decide to do we are all here with u
benjamin18: ...what he said
quinnwitted: BENJAMIN AHDJDKS
quinnwitted: is that all u ever add to oliver’s speeches???
benjamin18: i mean pretty much yeah
benjamin18: also i really wanna know what ur autopilot is
quinnwitted: oliver im sorry u had to wait so long for us
gasballceo: it’s ok!!
quinnwitted: and ig if u guys wanna come find out what my autopilot is…...that would be ok
jasperofficial: i have a guess what it is but i don’t wanna say in case im wrong :0
gasballceo: u sure quinn?
quinnwitted: yeah
quinnwitted: i don’t have to do it alone, right?
quinnwitted: it’s like i said before yknow...you just hold out your hand, and let go
quinnwitted: probably ab time i take my own advice
gasballceo: in that case i will be over IMMEDIATELY
benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
I SO WISH I HAD A VIDEO BUT @quinnwitted RECITES THE JASPER FACTS IN HIS SLEEP AHJDKFOAIDKFISHXOAL
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kila / @antiloveparasite
the jasper facts???
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
1028 facts about Me compiled during the cult days
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luke / @badtimelongtime
...before or after u met them?
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
before!
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henry / @busybees
im still so BAFFLED how u all became friends
jasperofficial: just wanna say i was right about quinns autopilot but i didn’t wanna say it and be wrong bc that’s like...so self-centred
benjamin18: our group is literally called the jasper cult ur allowed to be self centred
quinnwitted: no thoughts head empty only loving jasper jasperson
gasballceo: ok lowkey retweet
jasperofficial: YOU GUYS!!!!
jasperofficial: but oliver u aren’t allowed to say that until u switch ur phone
gasballceo: im doing it im doing it!!!!
oliver todaro my beloathed ☹︎ / @benjamin18
ok ok ok people keep asking ab the display names so here’s an answer for you all finally:
i secretly hate oliver and have for our whole friendship all the way since second grade
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
admit that u love me or i will return ellie’s birthday present :knife:
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oliver todaro my tolerated ت / @benjamin18
how’s this
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
://
oliver todaro my beloved ❤︎ / @benjamin18
alright FINE oliver ily sorry i stabbed u in second grade that was foolish & i should never have betrayed u like that right after u proposed
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jane / @theactualinternet
you’re telling me this whole bit started bc u guys played house in second grade ?????
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
yeah but also second grade was like four days ago
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henry / @busybees
nothing u say ever makes sense
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benjamin lewis my beloved ❤︎ / @gasballceo
thanks!
Chapter 10: the progress arc
Chapter Text
Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
my therapist: so how are you feeling?
me: oh you know, i’m living the dream
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
this is funny to exactly four people why are you tweeting this
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
tell that to my five hundred retweets benjamin
Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
yeah i go to therapy
T - the
H - hotel california
E -
R -
A -
P -
Y - yay
Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
[image: a very gen-z meme with a pink neon background and an image of a sunglass-wearing toddler in a plastic car. the text is stretched and distorted and reads “get in losers, we’re going to therapy”]
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Dr. Travis Theroux / @therouxpist
Oliver, you’re ten minutes late. Please stop tweeting memes and come to your appointment.
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
doctor theROUX?????
gasballceo: so my therapist found my twitter
quinnwitted: two things
quinnwitted: one, of course he did ur lowkey famous and have been on the trending page multiple times cause of jasper
quinnwitted: two, yeah we know we already saw ur tweet
jasperofficial: i like his handle!
gasballceo: u would
benjamin18: did u make it to ur appointment
gasballceo: yeah and he didn’t have anyone after me so i still had my full hour ://
benjamin18: why is that a bad thing
gasballceo: idk
gasballceo: it’s not i guess
gasballceo: ive just been struggling with it lately, it comes in waves
quinnwitted: if u don’t mind me asking why did u start therapy
gasballceo: oh! uh after my brother went into his coma my parents thought it would be a good idea. i didn’t like it at first but...idk, after everything that Went Down and the fact that timeline wise I was ages behind u all I figured I could give it another shot yknow. obviously couldn’t tell him everything but it was still nice to talk through stuff. just never stopped
jasperofficial: i think it’s really cool that ur so open ab it! fans of lumbersweats & of us ig can see that & i think that’s a positive thing :))
gasballceo: thanks jasper :))
gasballceo: dr theroux doesnt seem to agree >:(
benjamin18: i think he was only mad bc u were tweeting instead of being at ur app
quinnwitted: ^^^
gasballceo: oh quiet u
gasballceo: anyway im just reeling from being vibe checked by my therapist on TWITTER ???
gasballceo: he follows me,,,
benjamin18: wait what is his acc like
quinnwitted: im looking now and it’s very professional except for like. every third tweet being ab gasball currency
gasballceo: nice
BACK ONLINE / @smelliot69
accidentally took a two year nap & forgot all my passwords but ayyyy ya boy is back
dream team updates / @dtupdates
@gasballceo just followed @smelliot69! the latter account doesn’t have much information and their first tweet is a joke about a ‘two year nap’.
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luke / @badtimelongtime
im pretty sure that’s called a coma
quinnwitted: therapy question for @gasballceo: did u tell ur therapist ab the dream stuff?
gasballceo: no???
gasballceo: i see no reason to make him think im delusional as well as depressed
benjamin18: u could’ve given him some apple slices
jasperofficial: yeah just invite urself to his house and then try to feed him apple slices for dessert :))
benjamin18: shut uppppp i was trying my best
jasperofficial: and u failed
jasperofficial: but its ok i still like u!!
benjamin18: thanks, jasper
quinnwitted: jasper please never change ily
jasperofficial: ill do my best!
gasballceo: anyway quinn why do u ask
quinnwitted: idk i was just thinking ab it cause the dream team fans keep meme-ing him calling u out
quinnwitted: also ur old tweet ab “living the dream”
gasballceo: oh lmao that is actually something i have said to him & he was very concerned ab how hard it made me laugh
benjamin18: im concerned ab how hard it made u laugh that’s really not that funny
gasballceo: ive said it before ill say it again: tell that to my 734 retweets
benjamin18: did u just go look at the exact number of retweets
gasballceo: yeah and?
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i have a song stuck in my head but i refuse to sing it bc it is very self servicing, someone give me catchy songs to listen to
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eat the rich / @japplehater
what ab this one:
[link: the jaspers’ barbershop quartet soundcloud]
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
no see that’s the song im trying to not sing
oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
@japplehater BERNIE WHERE DID U EVEN FIND THAT ITS AMAZING
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eat the rich / @japplehater
@jasperwiththehat has a website linked in his bio and that website has a page that links to the “barbershop quartet” website which has a link to the soundcloud
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
why is barbershop quartet in quotes
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eat the rich / @japplehater
well there’s only three of them
BACK ONLINE / @smelliot69
hey @gasballceo can u get jasper to promo me so i get more followers lol
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
ask him urself
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BACK ONLINE / @smelliot69
well i would if i ever met him smh
gasballceo: hey
gasballceo: do u guys wanna meet my brother
benjamin18: ???
jasperofficial: that kinda came out of nowhere
jasperofficial: i mean yes of course but
quinnwitted: why now?
gasballceo: well okay so
gasballceo: he only woke up like...five? months before i caught up with u guys and he’s been in recovery ever since but now it’s been nearly a year since he woke up and he’s doing really really well :))
gasballceo: he’s back in school and getting set up online again and he keeps asking to meet u guys cause he’s been reading up on all of the twitter stuff
gasballceo: at this point i think either u have to meet him or he’ll end up bffs with the fans which would be kinda weird cause like, that’s my brother
quinnwitted: that’s fair actually
jasperofficial: ofc we’ll meet him :))
benjamin18: just tell us when it’d be cool to see him again!
quinnwitted: oh yeah i forgot u wouldve met him before
benjamin18: only very briefly tbf he’s younger enough that it’s not like we hung around him when we were in high school
gasballceo: just come now!!
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
oliver’s brother: hey! im elliot its nice to meet u :)
quinn: oh thank g-d he has literally never called u by name and ive been calling u ‘broliver’ in my head
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Broliver / @smelliot69
lowkey kinda obsessed with it like yeah!!! i am oliver’s bro!!! he’s pretty cool so i can be proud ig
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quinbarrassed / @quinnwitted
must we always expose me like this...must u use it as ur display…
Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
hey @smelliot69 u need a better @
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Broliver / @smelliot69
like what???
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
idk but implying u smell & that number choice is not Good Enough so sort urself out
Dr. Travis Theroux/ @therouxpist
always nice to see clients making progress :)
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
@ me next time coward
Dr. Travis Theroux / @therouxpist
always nice to see @gasballceo making progress :)
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Oliver Tornado / @gasballceo
wait no—
quinnwitted: look at it this way
quinnwitted: at least this time he’s not roasting u
benjamin18: and u did tell him too
gasballceo: yeah ik :))
gasballceo: i do actually like him yknow like. ive been seeing him for years this is the vibe ahdjdkfjsjsalsk
jasperofficial: the vibe is ur therapist calling u out in twitter
gasballceo: yeah :))
gasballceo: ANYWAY im glad u all liked elliot i think he thinks u guys are super cool
gasballceo: and it’s...idk. it’s good to see him doing stuff like that. and to have him meet u guys bc u guys are a big part of why im so happy & dr theroux pointed out that maybe by keeping u guys separate from him I was still letting myself think of him as something sad??? idk but i don’t want him to be something sad & seeing u all together made me really happy & ik that didn’t make sense but rn i am so HAPPY and have nowhere to put that happy ahhhhhhh
benjamin18: i get the feeling that i should’ve stayed at ur house bc i think u might be vibrating and need a hug
gasballceo: im not saying ur right but how far away are u
benjamin18: only five minutes, im coming back
jasperofficial: it was nice to meet elliot!! and im glad it made u happy too :))
quinnwitted: yeah! he seems like a cool kid & im glad to actually know his name now
gasballceo: sorryyyyy i didn’t realise u didn’t already know
Broliver / @smelliot69
apparently the dream team don’t even need to specifically promo u for u to get a spike in followers hello new people i wasn’t kidding ab being sleep for 2 years so y’all better catch me up on memes :knife:
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kila / @antiloveparasite
tbf for the last six months or so ur brother & the dream team have been the source of a LOT of them
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Broliver / @smelliot69
perfect start with those ones
peterson / @orangepufferjasper
why is our soundcloud suddenly popping off @hoodiejasper @jasperwiththehat
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
jasper tweeted ab us (!!!)
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milo / @gasballobsessed
new single when :knife:
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william / @hoodiejasper
what is “jasper is our overlord” not enough for u
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
PLEASE i made it my ringtone it’s amazing
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
haven’t done much this chapter hm
@quinnwitted wanna go cause some chaos
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quinbarrassed / @quinnwitted
i mean yes but what does the first part of this tweet mean??
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
don’t worry ab it
Chapter 11: the origin arc
Notes:
it has come to my attention that the timeline of this au might be a lil confusing
SO let's go back to the beginningsections marked with ___ indicate that time has passed!
chapter one 'the cult arc' takes place about three months after the final events of this chapter
Chapter Text
benjamin's dreamscape / oliver's reality
before
[oliver's header image is the front page of a lumbersweats script]
[his profile picture is a surprisingly professional looking headshot of him grinning at the camera, hair windswept and eyes bright.]
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
not actually the ceo of @gasballcurrency
creator & head writer of @lumbersweatsnetflix
☟︎ second grade math class
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
note to self: don't yell at people in whole foods unless u want to break ur own brain
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
hold up i wrote lumbersweats???
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Killian J Jones / @killianjjones
are you okay? message me
gasballceo: hey?
killianjjones: don't 'hey?' me rn oliver, you told me you'd tell me when u were ready to come back to work and social media and instead you make your return with a tweet about yelling at people in whole foods??
gasballceo: ...right, sorry
gasballceo: it's been a really weird week
killianjjones: it's okay. just...what's going on?
gasballceo: i...went on a bit of a creative spiral?
killianjjones: so the next season of lumbersweats is going to be AMAZING is what i'm hearing
gasballceo: haha, i hope so! but the spiral wasn't really about that. anyway, it's over now. i think it'd be good to uh. come back to work. re-introduce myself to everyone
killianjjones: you're a star, todaro
killianjjones: we'll see you monday for a writers meeting?
gasballceo: ofc!!
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
this day has been one existential crisis after another lol
gasballceo: hey benny crazy story - remember when jasper yelled at me about lumbersweats?? pretty sure that my subconcious turned that into reality and now i'm actually the head writer of a netflix show i have no memory of writing lol gotta love that for me right
ERROR : @benjamin18 doesn't follow you! you cannot send messages to this account.
gasballceo: ...huh
ERROR : @benjamin18 doesn't follow you! you cannot send messages to this account.
[ MESSAGES DELETED ]
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
imagine if i actually was the ceo of gasball currency...i'd be stupidly rich
but no, my subconscious had to decide to make me be a writer
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kila / @templeofslipslap
your subconscious??
___
@astrojasper started following @gasballceo! follow back?
Jasper / @astrojasper
thank you so much for writing lumbersweats!! @gasballceo this show means the world to me!!
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Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
thanks! i'm so glad to hear it!
Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
seeing friends in situations where u cant really speak to them is always wild
___
@quinnwitted started following @astrojasper!
Buzzfeed / @buzzfeed ✔︎
James Jasperson's "son" wasn't just an actor -- read about the revelation of Jasper Jasperson here: bitly.ly/shgjaf234h
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eat the rich / @japplehater
i knew i choose this @ for a reason
@japplehater started following @astrojasper!
@freddofantastic started following @astrojasper!
@gasballceo started following @astrojasper!
@benjamin18 started following @astrojasper!
Jasper / @astrojasper ✔︎
i'm verified now? i feel like i should have a more official @ now
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
how do we feel about this?
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
looks good!
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
oh hello! nice to see you again!
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
i've made it guys!!
[image: a screenshot of the twitter notification page, showing Jasper liking & replying to his tweet, as well as following him]
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
he followed me and william too, u arent special
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william / @hoodiejasper
hey harold peterson is VERY special
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harold peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
thank u william
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
just realised that i followed @gasballceo YEARS ago and didnt even realise who he was when i met him that's really embarrassing
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Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
to be fair to u, i think the change was very confusing from a timeline perspective - like, memories were altered but also weren't? because of when i showed up?
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Benjamin / @benjamin18
oliver have u considered just messaging jasper about this instead of confusing ur twitter followers
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
ooo better idea! we have a group chat? :)
@quinnwitted @gasballceo what do u say?
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quinnwitted / @quinnwitted
sounds good to me!
jasperofficial created the conversation
jasperofficial added quinnwitted , gasballceo , and benjamin18
jasperofficial: hey guys!
benjamin18: hello :)
gasballceo: heyy!!
quinnwitted: hi!
jasperofficial: this is my first ever gc idk how it goes from here
quinnwitted: well i, for one, would like oliver to elaborate on the timelines thing
gasballceo: right well
gasballceo: right
gasballceo: huh
benjamin18: where do we even begin
gasballceo: i guess with the fact that me and benjamin dreamt the whole universe
quinnwitted: HUH?
jasperofficial: i still barely understand lucids stuff can we start with something simpler
___
quinnwitted: so let me get this straight
quinnwitted: you two dreamt the entire universe
quinnwitted: were given the option to change anything you wanted
quinnwitted: and all you did was make oliver the head writer of lumbersweats?????
gasballceo: no im pretty sure that happened before
gasballceo: cause mrs hills said if we went back to our lives we probably wouldnt be able to change anything anymore
benjamin18: mrs hills said that we probably wouldn't be able to change things any--yeah that
jasperofficial: and you two share a brain??
benjamin18: apparently?
jasperofficial: i guess i can kinda see it
jasperofficial: but how does this fit into what oliver was saying about timelines?
benjamin18: yeah i'm kinda confused by that too
gasballceo: WELL
gasballceo: i think
gasballceo: when benny and i went back to our realities we went back to the 'beginning' -- or, well. idk. the last moments we remember from our respective realities, anyway. so for me, i went back to when i woke him up in whole foods
quinnwitted: why whole foods
gasballceo: BUT whole foods in terms of like, benny’s dreams happened like...nearly two years before any of the cult stuff
jasperofficial: wait so
jasperofficial: wait so you’ve lived two years where we didn’t remember you??
gasballceo: uh i mean. yeah?
gasballceo: ANYWAY the point is that the timeline gets a bit funky when u think about it too hard
jasperofficial: no no don’t just brush past that — two years and we didn’t know you? so you were alone?
gasballceo: well gee jasper nice to see you think i don’t have any other friends
jasperofficial: oh im sorry that’s not what i meant
gasballceo: ahdhdhhfksa no it’s ok tbf i don’t really esp since like. how was i supposed to explain literally anything. anyway i had benjamin in second grade & my WRITING TEAM bc apparently that’s my job now
gasballceo: but bc that didn’t change until after we’d met & we hadn’t met yet & whatever time travel/dreamscape things — you wouldn’t have even known to recognise me when we met
gasballceo: i guess it’s lucky i called myself robin that probably helps make those memories make more sense hmmmm
jasperofficial: also cause im like...half a lucid? right? cause i jumped between a few things??
jasperofficial: gosh i don’t want to be a lucid it sounds so complicated
quinnwitted: u don’t have to be
jasperofficial: ok good :))
benjamin18: im sorry u had to wait for us oliver
gasballceo: it’s ok!!! im just glad ur here NOW and we now have this killer gc
gasballceo: we’re gonna break the Internet
benjamin18: how do you figure?
gasballceo: well jasper is verified and we’re all very chaotic people so it’s only a matter of time
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
I would like to apologise in advance for my friends
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Oliver Todaro / @gasballceo
awwwww we’re ur FRIENDS ❥❦☻︎☀︎︎
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Benjamin / @benjamin18
for a “chaotic person” u have a very boring display
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a very boring display / @gasballceo
idk what ur talking about “benjamin @benjamin18” come on benny ur in no place to talk
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don’t call me benny / @benjamin18
ur so rude and for what
|
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a very boring display / @gasballceo
what if i call u b*nny
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
try me
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
this is why i wanted to apologise
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quinnwitted / @quinnwitted
don’t lump me w those two
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a very boring display / @gasballceo
QUINNNNN change ur display
sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
here u go @gasballceo but unlike u and benjamin I won’t engage in that nonsense in jasper’s mentions
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a very boring display / @gasballceo
sweat 5000????
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
lumbersweats/gorgoblox 5000 smh do you know ANYTHING ab ur own show???
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a very boring display / @gasballceo
i haven’t spent much time looking at fan stuff!!
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i can show u so much if you want :O
gasballceo: ok any cool group of friends has a name for themselves so what’s our name
quinnwitted: “cool”
benjamin18: literally name one
gasballceo: uuuuh the marauders, the losers club, the scooby gang, team avatar/the gaang, the golden trio, the TRIUMVIRATE,
benjamin18: u can’t use star trek to persuade me im a star wars guy
gasballceo: the point is that there’s lots!!!
jasperofficial: i think it would be fun to have a name!! we could name the gc then :))
gasballceo: see jasper gets it
quinnwitted: well ok since jasper likes it…do u have a name in mind
gasballceo: no
benjamin18: then why bring it up
gasballceo: bc it’s important bEnJaMiN
benjamin18: it’s literally not but ok
jasperofficial: what about the dream team? :)
quinnwitted: oh...i actually really like that
gasballceo: me too!!!
benjamin18: cheesy but fitting. it’s perfect
jasperofficial changed the conversation name to dream team group chat
Chapter 12: the undercover arc
Chapter Text
jasperofficial: goodmorning!!
quinnwitted: gm!
quinnwitted: are u dm’ing me instead of messaging the gc bc u were serious ab causing chaos or are u just being sweet
jasperofficial: is both an option?
quinnwitted: yes ofc
quinnwitted: do u have specific chaos in mind??
jasperofficial: well i have noticed many of the dream team fans posing ab a gc that they have
jasperofficial: so i think we should join
jasperofficial: but secretly
quinnwitted: u want to go undercover as a fan acc and see what they say ab us??
jasperofficial: yes
quinnwitted: not that i’m not on board but why is this a quinn+jasper thing
quinnwitted: oliver would be all over this
jasperofficial: yes
jasperofficial: but this way we can mess w oliver and benjamin too
quinnwitted: jasper :O
quinnwitted: when did u get so devious
jasperofficial: i guess u must be rubbing off on me :)
@lsatsmc5000 started following @jasperofficial, @quinnwitted, @benjamin18, and @gasballceo!
@astronauticalstan started following @jasperofficial, @quinnwitted, @benjamin18, and @gasballceo!
quinnwitted: astronauticalstan?
jasperofficial: lsatsmc5000?
quinnwitted: a bunch of dt fans are lumbersweats fans too! it seemed fitting!!
jasperofficial: it is :)
jasperofficial: i’m just surprised it’s even available
jasperofficial: ok now we need to start following the fans
quinnwitted: and tweeting! we need to make it seem real
quinnwitted: what should my fake name be?
jasperofficial: ooo
jasperofficial: i hadnt even thought ab that!!
quinnwitted: what ab kent?
jasperofficial: oh oh i could be wayne! like superman and batman!!
quinnwitted: wont that be obvious?
jasperofficial: it's not like we went for clark and bruce
quinnwitted: true
quinnwitted: okay i like it!!
wayne :) / @astronauticalstan
hi! me and @lsatsmc5000 are new here :)
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kent!! / @lsatsmc5000
heyyyy gang
|
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kila / @antiloveparasite
hey!! welcome to the #dreamteam fandom! :D i love ur layouts ahhhh how did u get interested in the dream team??
quinnwitted: we need cover stories STAT
jasperofficial: dw dw i’m on it :))
wayne :) / @astronauticalstan
kent was kinda obsessed with jasper a few months ago lol but then it all got a lil crazy with all the trending topics etc and that’s when i got more interested in the fandom :) we’ve been lurking for a while but finally made accounts!!
|
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kila / @antiloveparasite
that’s awesome!! welcome to the family - check out @lumberstan ‘s pinned tweet for a timeline in case u’ve missed anything & lemme know if u want a link to the gc!!
|
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kent!! / @lsatsmc5000
we would love it!!
-> @lsatsmc5000 joined the chat
-> @astronauticalstan joined the chat
antiloveparasite: welcome!!
badtimelongtime: u welcomed them first on twt too this isn’t fair :((
antiloveparasite: not my fault ur slow
theactualinternet: welcome
gasballobsessed: welcome :))
busybees: hey welcome to the gang!! i won’t be the newest anymore!!
antiloveparasite: u say that but apparently theyre lurkers so they prob know more than u
busybees: :(
lumberstan: y’all let them at least introduce themselves before u start ur chaos
lumberstan: hi! im mal, i made the gc & u can @ me with any questions or anything!! jane @theactualinternet is our resident historian & bernie @japplehater is our resident...well...japple hater
astronauticalstan: wait u guys are so nice omg
badtimelongtime: omj*
astronauticalstan: ?
antiloveparasite: oh my jasper
antiloveparasite: kinda a joke bc of the jasper cult yknow
lsatsmc5000: omj amazing
quinnwitted: oh my jasper
jasperofficial: we can never let oliver know ab this
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
the gc is suspiciously quiet today……
|
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🫒r / @gasballceo
im lowkey scared
|
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
wait ur not involved in why it’s quiet??
|
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🫒r / @gasballceo
no??? u know me i do not shut up
dream team updates / @dtupdates
@gasballceo & @benjamin18 are both commenting on how ‘suspiciously quiet’ the dream team group chat is today. Any ideas what @quinnwitted & @jasperofficial might be up to?
|
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milo / @gasballobsessed
i refuse to believe that jasper is up to anything sus. he’s probably just taking a well deserved break tbh
|
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kent!! / @lsatsmc5000
yeah jasper does deserve a break
|
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wayne :) / @astronauticalstan
so does quinn ♥︎
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i appreciate u all saying i need a break ♥︎ im just trying to take it easy today bc i finally have a day off but thank u for checking in :)
|
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🫒r / @gasballceo
respond in the gc, ive been trying to check in!
|
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quinfiltration / @quinnwitted
woah needy much
|
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
big words coming from the man who still wears jasper’s shirt
|
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quinfiltration / @quinnwitted
he also wears mine so screw u
lumberstan: wake UP new quisper lore just dropped
lsatsmc5000: quisper??
antiloveparasite: it’s what u get when u mash their names together
astronauticalstan: like a ship name??
antiloveparasite: no no we don’t do rpf here
badtimelongtime: it’s just how we refer to the Dynamic yknow
japplehater: we call benjamin & oliver ‘beliver’ and quinn & benjamin ‘benjaquinn’ like benjamin’s @ that one time
japplehater: jasper & oliver is still tbd
lumberstan: ANYWAY new quisper lore
lumberstan: have y’all see the tweets???
antiloveparasite: YES YES YES
antiloveparasite: they share clothes :pleading_face: need me a freak like that
badtimelongtime: kila u are literally wearing my hoodie rn
gasballobsessed: oh so kila gets to wear ur hoodie but ur own boyfriend doesn’t get one….smh…..
badtimelongtime: move closer & u can have all the hoodies u want
japplehater: thinking ab what events couldve possibly lead to them switching shirts & then also wondering why they haven’t switched back ever….
busybees: many thoughts head full
lsatsmc5000: ,,,what if it had to do with the cult stuff
astronauticalstan: :eyes:
lumberstan: what like quinn was trying to replace jasper or smt
lumberstan: lmaoooo can u imagine???
antiloveparasite : ahdjfjaicka i mean the cult stuff is already wild but can u imagine it would literally be like
quinn - i am going to replace u
jasper - okay but hear me out, what if we become best friends instead??
astronauticalstan: haha yeah imagine if he did that
astronauticalstan: that would be crazy
badtimelongtime: i mean there’s confirmed 1028 facts ab jasper that were compiled BEFORE they met apparently so honestly,,,it wouldn’t surprise me
lumberstan: it might explain why alex & ryan dudepants got involved too….
japplehater: honestly a very solid theory, well done wayne and kent :clap:
jasperofficial: ...oops?
quinnwitted: that hit,,a little close to home
jasperofficial: at least we didn’t accidentally reveal dreamscapes?
jasperofficial: and, for the record, im glad that we’re best friends idc how we got here
quinnwitted: <3
kent!! / @lsatsmc5000
just read an old interview that says @gasballceo wrote jar jar binks fanfiction before he got the job for lumbersweats…………
|
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
WHAT kent. kent please…...tell me this is a joke. tell me this isn’t true
|
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kent!! / @lsatsmc5000
[image: a screenshot from a popular interview website that did, in fact, interview oliver a few years ago. the screen shot reads: “INT: What were some of your inspirations for the story of Lumbersweats? OT: It’s kind of embarrassing, but before this job I wrote a lot of fanfiction. Especially Star Wars fanfiction—I liked to reimagine Jar Jar Binks and see what makes him tick. Those stories definitely influenced my creative process for Lumbersweats.”]
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eat the rich / @japplehater
JANE @theactualinternet GET OVER HERE IS THIS REAL????
|
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jane / @theactualinternet
it….it looks like it is?? the interview was posted three years ago but i don’t remember reading this part of it before? @antiloveparasite uve been a lumbersweats fan longest do u remember??
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kila / @antiloveparasite
i...i don’t remember but Oliver HAS tweeted about jar jar before?? usually about hating him but the interview says ‘reimagining’ so maybe he was trying to make him a better character through fic???
jasperofficial: is this mean? it feels like it might be a little mean
quinnwitted: no it’s genius
jasperofficial: but it’s an interview that oliver doesn’t even remember giving bc it was before the lucids stuff and for all he knows he mightve actually done that
quinnwitted: we’ll tell him the truth, dw
jasperofficial: also when did u learn how to hack?? i thought u just edited a screenshot but the website really does say that
quinnwitted: well i had to make it convincing
[Twitter Moment: Oliver Todaro (show writer, Lumbersweats and the Sweet Meat Chronicles) may have written Jar Jar Binks fanfiction. Fans debate the truth.]
dream team updates / @dtupdates
screenshots from an old @gasballceo interview have resurfaced, sending dream team fans reeling from the revelation that oliver todaro used to write jar jar binks fanfiction
milo / @gasballobsessed
i want this to be true SO BAD but it seems weird that no one has ever brought it up before
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luke / @badtimelongtime
if it’s true i think i may Actually Die
dudepants / @gorgoblox5001
if oliver todaro has secretly been a jar jar binks fan this whole time i stg…
🫒r / @gasballceo
wait what did i say that??? that doesn’t sound like something i would say but it happened before,,, so maybe??? but why — @benjamin18 did u do something
|
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
no??? we can’t anymore remember
|
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🫒r / @gasballceo
then,,,,
dream team updates / @dtupdate
okay so @gasballceo seems to be confused too so WHAT IS THE TRUTH
quinnwitted: ok maybe it’s a *little* mean
jasperofficial: it is pretty funny tho
lumberstan: @lsatsmc5000 thank u for ur service
astronauticalstan: isn’t he great :’)
lsatsmc5000: aw shucks
japplehater: i want to read this fanfic now
japplehater: i want to know how it could POSSIBLY link up to the plot of lumbersweats
astronauticalstan: i mean the interview says that it influenced his creative process so maybe it’s not super direct
theactualinternet: yeah and tbf if it *was* super direct he’s probably deleted it all
lumberstan: but he’s confused too!! it might still be Out There
japplehater: or it’s a hoax
lsatsmc5000: i will be devastated if it comes out that this is a hoax
gasballobsessed: retweet
badtimelongtime: retweet
antiloveparasite: retweet
quinnwitted: has this satisfied ur need for chaos?
quinnwitted: bc the dream team fans are actually so nice & i don’t want to mess with them anymore
jasperofficial: me either :(
jasperofficial: it was fun to peak behind the curtain & see how cool they are but i don’t wanna tease them or anything
jasperofficial: messing with oliver was fun tho :’)
quinnwitted: ahdjfkakkcjaj yeah
quinnwitted: we will have to tell him soon
jasperofficial: yes but for now i think it’s time for wayne & kent to log out
quinnwitted: ...but we should keep the accounts active, right, just in case :eyes:
jasperofficial: oh yes yeah absolutely
astronauticalstan is now offline.
lsatsmc5000 is now offline.
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
had a very nice chill day
[image: jasper and quinn have their faces pressed close together. both of them are wearing coloured sheet masks, jasper’s baby blue and quinn’s lilac]
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🫒r / @gasballceo
answer the gc i am SPIRALLING
jasperofficial: what did we miss :)
gasballceo: oh well i finally trended on twitter!!
gasballceo: BC APPARENTLY I SAID IN AN INTERVIEW THAT I WROTE JAR JAR BINKS FANFICTION
gasballceo: i *hate* jar jar why on Earth
gasballceo: but the interview happened before whole foods in the timeline so it might be something that changed when it changed that i got the job!!!
quinnwitted: lol
quinnwitted: at least u trended?
benjamin18: that’s what i said but then he said “but i still didn’t get verified :((“
gasballceo: i am going through this STRESS and i don’t even get a check mark out of it
jasperofficial: im sure it will all blow over
jasperofficial: like im 100% certain it’s a hoax
gasballceo: how can u be so sure IM not even sure
jasperofficial: :)
quinnwitted: :)
gasballceo: no….say it isn’t true………
gasballceo: my own friends turning against me like this…………….
benjamin18: you guys did this???
quinnwitted: mayhaps
jasperofficial: we went undercover w the dream team fans
jasperofficial: a very fun day
gasballceo: you went undercover and didn’t invite me :(
benjamin18: oliver there’s no way u could successfully go undercover
gasballceo: ok true
🫒r / @gasballceo
i just would like to clarify that i did not and will not write jar jar binks fanfic. i hate that guy
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also @twitter if you’re going to put me through the stress of trending over this u could at least verify me smh
quinfiltration / @quinnwitted
sometimes it’s very fun to cause chaos off-main instead of on it :))
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
wait ur display… hmm… dream team fans i would pay attention to that js
lumberstan: benjamin’s tweet can’t mean what i think it means, right?
japplehater: i mean…
gasballobsessed: we DID get two new members today
antiloveparasite: and kent & wayne went offline right before…
lumberstan: @lsatsmc5000 & @astronauticalstan u guys aren’t...there’s no way??
japplehater: there’s no way
freddofantastic: ive said it before & ill say it again: jasper is stalking us confirmed
antiloveparasite: no no that’s too wild to even think ab. there’s no way.
antiloveparasite: ...right?
Chapter 13: the sleepy arc
Chapter Text
gasballceo: u know i don’t feel like we do enough with the fact that we’re lucids
gasballceo: like ik we can’t change anything in *our* realities/dream anymore but does that mean we can’t change anyone elses??
gasballceo: or maybe it does mean that if they’re all extensions of us…
gasballceo: but then again they are still their own *people* like quinn and jasper and everyone are people right
gasballceo: its just weird to think that we technically created them. like we created our friends?? but they’re also just. their real people
benjamin18: oliver. go to sleep
gasballceo: oh! i honestly didn’t expect u to be sleeping rn u should be awake?? why are u Here
benjamin18: idk maybe bc u aren’t in math class rn??
gasballceo: okay fair
benjamin18: we only get to see each other so much if we both have a decent sleep schedule & u know the teacher is going to wake me up in a second so GO TO BED and we can talk there
gasballceo: ok ok i’ll try
sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
benjamin, trying to beat a decent sleep schedule into me with a stick:
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
was this tweet supposed to have a picture or smt
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
yeah lol
sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
oliver is literally falling asleep in the middle of playing video games why would he let himself get so tired
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
bc screw u that’s why
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
u are the only one suffering here
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
what if i kill off gorgoblox then what >:c
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
you can’t just tweet things like that from ur main acc oliver ur fans can see this ur going to give them heart attacks. not to mention *jasper*
sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
dsiclaimer: anythung i post while this tired,,, pat no attention
kila / @antiloveparasite
sleepy oliver is fun but now i am Afraid for gorgoblox
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luke / @badtimelongtime
im p sure not-sleepy-oliver said that he hasn’t started writing yet so i wouldn’t worry too much
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milo / @gasballobsessed
even if he hasnt started that doenst mean he doesnt have Ideas
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
wait… are u considering killing gorgoblox?? @gasballceo :c
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
spoilers
benjamin18: ik that u like to be chaotic on main but u are going to get fired
gasballceo: they could try :knife:
benjamin18: ollie…
gasballceo: benny…
benjamin18: i was serious u know when u don’t sleep it affects how much we see each other & i do not like that
gasballceo: ik ik
gasballceo: i don’t like it either
gasballceo: ive just been struggling to get to sleep lately bc my brain won’t shut up
benjamin18: ab the lucids stuff u were messaging ab?
gasballceo: yeah
gasballceo: but also other stuff
gasballceo: like, adult stuff. work. taxes. the fact that everyone is waiting for the new Lumbersweats season and it ended on a cliffhanger and there’s like. pressure on it.
gasballceo: and i would love to escape to the second grade for a while but it’s like my brain will not let me
benjamin18: :(
benjamin18: would it help if we did some lucids stuff? maybe shake those thoughts out of ur head a little?
gasballceo: maybe??
gasballceo: idk :/
gasballceo: probably i just need to go to bed fr fr but if i do that now then ill miss u again
benjamin18: u need rest tho
benjamin18: what if i come over and we can just do very very chill things that will keep u restful until a normal time to sleep
gasballceo: that sounds really nice :))
benjamin18: ok! I’ll be about fifteen minutes & ill bring snacks
gasballceo: ur the best
sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
my best friend is better than ur best friend
[image: benjamin stands in oliver’s doorway, holding a box of glazed donuts, a bottle of orange juice, and some fruits. he’s smiling softly at the camera, like he’s indulging oliver taking the picture.]
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
counterpoint: my best friend is jasper
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
counter counterpoint: MY best friend is oliver
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
sleepy boy
[image: oliver sits at his kitchen table, face smushed where he’s propping his chin on his hand. there’s a half-full glass of orange juice and a plate of apple slices in front of him. his eyes are only half-open, but he’s smiling at benjamin, behind the camera, anyway.]
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
if ur plan is to bully me into a better sleep schedule this isn’t workinmg...the fans retweeting this is just hiving me a ego
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sweat 5000 rights / @quinnwitted
what if i bully u for ur typos
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
that would be very rude :(
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
kept oliver awake most of the day talking ab his writing (no i will not give u any hints) and now he’s passed out at 9pm so hopefully we won’t see sleepy oliver again for a while, gn everyone
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sleepy oliver / @gasballceo
benny don’t be mad but it’s 1am and i just woke up again oops
benjamin18: i missed u at school. again
gasballceo: sorry
benjamin18: don’t apologise ollie
benjamin18: but fr are u doing okay?
gasballceo: mostly?
gasballceo: idk i thought things were getting better and for the most part they are but...it just catches up with me every now again
benjamin18: what does?
gasballceo: everything?
gasballceo: like the existential crisis, obv, but also just. i have a job that i did *nothing* to get and im worried ab my writing and i need to start writing soon or killian will be ON me but every time i try it just. i just freeze up
gasballceo: and like we can’t have nightmares and *yet* for some reason every time i do go to sleep i still end up feeling Wrong
benjamin18: u seem it
benjamin18: i mean
benjamin18: u seem extra...jittery, in my reality. u don’t seem wrong
gasballceo: thanks benny
benjamin18: have u talked to ur therapist ab this?
gasballceo: a little
gasballceo: i’ll bring it up at my next session but
gasballceo: right now i should at least try to fix my sleep schedule
benjamin18: for what it’s worth, i really liked the storylines u were telling me ab. and i think ur really creative and maybe u got the job bc of dreamscape nonsense but u did still come up with the story & everything uve written since we came back has been amazing - you’re selling yourself short
gasballceo: will u come over again today
benjamin18: why don’t u come here? i have ellie today & she’d love to see u
gasballceo: !!!
sleepy ah-ee / @gasballceo
spending today with my best girl!!
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
tell ellie hi from us!!
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i think he likes my daughter more than me
[image: the photo is cropped so that it’s only oliver and a single, baby hand. oliver has the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes but he’s smiling cheerily and holding two different childish toys. he is completely ignoring the camera in favour of ellie.]
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kila / @antiloveparasite
im sure ur still his best friend
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
[video: oliver grins at ellie, off camera. he says, “you’re the best best friend ever, did you know that?”]
sleepy ah-ee / @gasballceo
hey @gasballcurrency is trying to buy my @ again so that @ceoofgasball can have it should i do it
[yes free cash] 12%
[no it’s ur brand] 88%
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
“again”?
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sleepy ah-ee / @gasballceo
ye lol they are very determined. tried to sue me once! that’s why my bio specifies that i am not the ACTUAL ceo of gasball currency
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kila / @antiloveparasite
how did u even GET that @
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sleepy ah-ee / @gasballceo
i made a twitter like two days after the site was created which was obv before gasball was on here
benjamin18: hey, stop tweeting. bed time
benjamin18: im about to wake up
gasballceo: ill be there <3
benjamin18: u promise?
gasballceo: ofc
gasballceo: i told ellie that big kids go to sleep on time & i refuse to be a liar to her
benjamin18: ok, see u soon
gasballceo: hey benjamin...thanks for looking out for me
gasballceo: ik u said not to name a character after u but i want to honour u somehow
benjamin18: oliver. shut up and go to sleep
gasballceo: ok
gasballceo: but i mean it tho
WELL RESTED OLIVER / @gasballceo
GUESS WHO JUST WROTE THE FIRST EP OF #LUMBERSWEATSS5 get hype guys, it’s gonna be a good one
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
YESSSSS
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WELL RESTED OLIVER / @gasballceo
everyone say thank u to @benjamin18 for looking after me the last little while he’s a real one
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
let me reiterate: if u name a character benny i am coming for ur knees (but ur welcome)
Chapter 14: the verification arc
Chapter Text
how quinteresting… / @ quinnwitted
i have just discovered something Very Interesting...more to follow
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Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
it makes me nervous when you're cryptic
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how quinteresting… / @ quinnwitted
it makes u nervous when i hold a rag
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Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
Justifiably!
robert / @ jasperwiththehat
are we are the point where we can joke about that??? is that allowed???
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william / @ hoodiejasper
i think the rules are probably different for quinn
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robert / @ jasperwiththehat
lame
gasballceo : @quinnwitted why are you being cryptic in public
benjamin18 : yeah, you're only allowed to be cryptic privately smh
gasballceo : dont make fun of me >:0
benjamin18 : i'm not i'm not
gasballceo : suuuure
quinnwitted : (@jasperofficial do u think if i let this carry on they'll keep bickering and forget that they asked me something)
jasperofficial : (@quinnwitted probably would've had a better chance if you hadn't messaged this in the group chat)
jasperofficial : also im curious too
gasballceo : well, quinn, it looks like it's time to share with the class
quinnwitted : no
gasballceo : :O
gasballceo >:O
quinnwitted : i am allowed to have secrets! u let benjamin get away with a secret for like two months!!
gasballceo : yes but three things:
gasballceo : one, benjamin is my best friend and you are not
gasballceo : two, benjamin didn't tease his secret on twitter
gasballceo : and three, his secret turned out to be ellie - are u implying that you *also* have a secret child
benjamin18 : in my defence, she wasn't really secret...you all knew i *had* a daughter
gasballceo : true! which means if quinn has a secret child that would be an even bigger secret :0
jasperofficial : :O!
quinnwitted : i don't have a secret child???? how did u jump straight to secret child????
gasballceo : u brought up benjamins secret!!
benjamin18 : honestly if quinn had a secret child i'd have so so many follow up questions...like, timeline wise, how would that work?
quinnwitted : it wouldn't
jasperofficial : unless there were other previous members of the cult who could have children...and then they couldve left the cult when they found out they were pregnant...and quinn wouldve been heartbroken :'(
gasballceo : :O!!
quinnwitted : i--what?
quinnwitted : as far as i know, no cult members are able to have children or want to have them??
quinnwitted : also Big Yikes and abuse of my power if i did have a child with a cult member
benjamin18 : it would be one hell of a secret
gasballceo : the drama, the intrigue,
quinnwitted : once again, i do not have a secret child
jasperofficial : but you do have a secret :eyes:
quinnwitted : yeah and i'm not telling :P
jasperofficial : not even me?
quinnwitted : not this time
jasperofficial : currently taking applications for a new best friend
gasballceo : i would like to apply!!!
benjamin18: wooooooooow
dream team updates / @dtupdates
guys @quinnwitted is verified now!!
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milo / @gasballobsessed
!!!
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kila / @antiloveparasite
wait do you think this was what he discovered? that he was going to be verified?
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luke / @badtimelongtime
ooooo maybe!!
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milo / @gasballobsessed
oh man, @gasballceo is gonna be pissed
WHAT THE HELL / @ gasballceo
WHAT THE HELL
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how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
yes oliver?
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WHAT THE HELL / @ gasballceo
WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!
going dark dhmu / @ gasballceo
what has quinn done to deserve the blue check mark :(( he doesn't have an award winning netflix series does he
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jane / @ theactualinternet
he started a cult?
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going dark dhmu / @ gasballceo
and i joined the cult what's your point
kila / @antiloveparasite
you know i love quinn with all my heart but like...kinda got to agree with oliver on this. why *is* he the first of them after jasper to be verified
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peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
well for a while we couldn't tell him and jasper apart so maybe that's why
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henry / @busybees
PLEASE elaborate
gasballceo : ...
quinnwitted : yes, oliver?
gasballceo : ...
quinnwitted : do you have something you'd like to say to me?
gasballceo : ...
quinnwitted : ???
benjamin18 : he's giving you the silent treatment
benjamin18 : but he wants to make sure you know
quinnwitted : what is he, seven???
benjamin18 : i mean...sometimes, yes
quinnwitted : u can't play that card all the time
benjamin18 : and yet we do
benjamin18 : and it works every time
quinnwitted: >:(
how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
ik that the only benefit to being verified is getting the check mark but also,,, i feel powerful >:)
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oh lumbersweats... / @ lumberstan
on a scale of 1 to 10, how angry is @gasballceo that you were verified before him??
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how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
is 12 an option? i think he's at a 12
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eat the rich / @ japplehater
what does that look like??
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how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
oh you know, the usual. the silent treatment, passive aggressive tweets and display names, he's sure to start threatening to kick me out soon
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eat the rich / @ japplehater
kick you out?? do u live together
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don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
'kick him out' is something more...abstract coming from oliver
henry / @busybees
another day, another reason to give up trying to understand the dream
going dark dhmu / @ gasballceo
he ruined my dream!!!
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how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
no i did not! @benjamin18 send him to the principals office and have him EXPELLED!
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going dark dhmu / @ gasballceo
how dare u quote shark boy and lava girl at a time like this
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don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
he got you to talk to him, didn't he? (also, its my dream anyway)
gasballceo : i may be talking to you again but i'm still angry
quinnwitted : literally why it's just a blue check mark
gasballceo : but i've been famous for agessss
quinnwitted : just not as famous as me
gasballceo : :(
jasperofficial : oh don't be mean quinn
jasperofficial : ur both famous
jasperofficial: ...just not as famous as me ;)
don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
i've literally never done a poll before but who's the most famous of these three i need to settle an argument and restore peace to the group chat
[Quinn Hills] 33%
[Jasper Jasperson] 35%
[Oliver Todaro] 32%
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kila / @ antiloveparasite
serious question is your group chat ever peaceful
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don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
well it won't be now that quinn beat oliver
peterson / @ orangejasperpuffer
predictions for this weeks karaoke night:
- benjamin will sing famous by kanye west to make fun of the others for caring about fame at all
- honestly that's all i've got
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don't call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
well you arent wrong,
robert / @ jasperwiththehat
everyone's asking me, 'robert, who do you think is the most famous dream team member?' to which i respond, 'who cares, none of them are as cool as me'
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william / @ hoodiejasper
literally no one has asked u that
benjamin18 : you're all famous can we drop it now
gasballceo : if i'm famous why am i not verified
benjamin18 : literally who cares you still have more followers than all of us
gasballceo : all the more reason i should be verified
jasperofficial : youre verified in my eyes, oliver
gasballceo : excellent does this mean my best friend application will be accepted??
quinnwitted : i feel like it should be rejected on the basis of how quickly ur willing to drop ur current best friend for it
benjamin18 : yeah!!
jasperofficial : sadly the position for best friend has already been filled
gasballceo : smh quinn always beating me to stuff
jasperofficial : sorry :shrug:
gasballceo : no ur not
gasballceo : i will accept the Jasper Verification tho, that's way better than a twitter verification anyway
jasperofficial : <3!
gasballceo : <3!
quinnwitted : ugh that's why u two cant be best friends, think of the fluff
benjamin18 : sickening
gasballceo: ur just jealous
jane / @ theactualinternet
ok ok now that the dust has settled a little bit i feel obligated to ask: @gasballceo - do you realise that u can apply for verification???
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jasperfied / @ gasballceo
i can WHAT?!
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how quinteresting... / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
smh no one was supposed to TELL HIM
Chapter 15: the verification arc (part 2)
Chapter Text
gasballceo : HA @quinnwitted i just submitted an app to be verified so u wont have anything over me anymore >:P
quinnwitted : an angry tongue out emoji?? i’m so scared :0
jasperofficial : good luck oliver!!
gasballceo : i don’t need luck smh i have a dedicated fanbase for 2 different reasons
gasballceo : theyd be stupid not to give me a check mark
benjamin18 : this is twitter we’re talking about
benjamin18 : isnt their whole thing being stupid
quinnwitted : u tell me, ur the one who dreamt it up
benjamin18 : i choose to blame oliver
gasballceo : i mean ill take the credit but why??
benjamin18 : most of the stupid things in my dream come from you
jasperofficial : oooooo
gasballceo : i KNOW you didnt just call lumbersweats stupid
benjamin18 : i was talking about gasball currency but if the shoe fits,,,
gasballceo : >:O
jasperofficial : no lumbersweats slander in the dream team group chat its literally our one rule
quinnwitted : i thought our one rule was to not mention chloroform
jasperofficial : that rule went out the window three days ago when you tweeted about my fear of rags
quinnwitted: oh oops
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
which is better?
[Starbucks Coffee Co.] 7%
[Gasball Currency] 93%
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verification pending / @gasballceo
with a difference that small im convinced that no one actually prefers starbucks they just wants to be contrarian
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milo / @gasballobsessed
u know, i didnt realise until right now that those companies have the same name??? star...gasball...bucks...currency…
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luke / @badtimelongtime
i think u just unlocked a conspiracy babe
kila / @antiloveparasite
hey #dreamteam #jaspercult - since oliver is applying for verification, are the rest of you?
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
why would i care
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kila / @antiloveparasite
well, ur a public figure? u and ur friends have started shaping meme/internet culture & i think u deserve the recognition :)
jane / @theactualinternet
petition for the rest of the #jaspercult to apply for verification too
follow up petition for @twitter to verify all of them before they verify oliver
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verification pending / @gasballceo
i thought u liked me, jane
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jane / @theactualinternet
i like internet chaos more
quinnwitted : even the fans agree that u shouldnt be verified hahahaha
gasballceo : thats only bc they dont know what i do for them smh
benjamin18 : literally what do u do for them that they dont know about
gasballceo : i gave them gasball currency
gasballceo : and lumbersweats
gasballceo : and...yartmapped!
benjamin18 : and i gave them air and water and life
benjamin18 : u know what i think they’re right, i should apply for verification…
gasballceo : get yartmapped
gasballceo : and get rid of that god complex
benjamin18 : is it really a complex if its kind of true
jasperofficial : boys boys ur both pretty
benjamin18 : thanks jasper
gasballceo : ty jasper ur pretty too
quinnwitted : and once again jasper proves himself the best of us
quinnwitted : who else could diffuse an argument between the creators of the multiverse with such ease? truly an icon of our age
jasperofficial : im choosing to interpret that as genuine
quinnwitted : u would be right to :)))
jasperofficial: :))))
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
ok google, show me how to apply for twitter verification
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verification pending / @gasballceo
do u not know how to use twitter lol??? maybe i really do get the credit
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
??? u didnt know how to do this either???
quinnsignificant / @quinnwitted ✔︎
i fear the day that benjamin & oliver actually fight...it’s bad enough when its for the bit
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verification pending / @gasballceo
who says it’s for the bit??? i’m very serious about getting verified
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
so am i
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quinnsignificant / @quinnwitted ✔︎
it is pretty amazing
gasballceo : stop flaunting it @quinnwitted >:(
quinnwitted : ur gonna be verified in like three days dw ab it
gasballceo : yeah :))
benjamin18 : do u ever think that we take the bit too far
jasperofficial : no, i think we always take it to the natural extreme and no farther
benjamin18 : ...we’re all in a cult
quinnwitted : a HARMLESS cult
quinnwitted : we havent sacrificed anything in like eight months!
benjamin18 : oh wow is that a new record?
quinnwitted : yeah! we finally got william to stop frying bananas for no reason too, we’re making good progress
jasperofficial : did u guys know that frying bananas helps with the allergies? like i an eat fried bananas without any problem :))
benjamin18 : ………….
quinnwitted : is *that* why william was frying them????
benjamin18: maybe???
quinnsignifcant / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
thats a hell of mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving
but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work
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william / @ hoodiejasper
uh boss? do u realise that ur display makes it seem like ur calling yourself insignificant??
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peterson / @ orangepufferjasper
also did u just quote homestuck???
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quinnsignificant / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
no to both of those things
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robert / @ jasperwiththehat
but that literally is a homestuck quote tho??
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quinnsignificant / @ quinnwitted ✔︎
yeah well u recognised it, so……. :eyes:
gasballceo : so uh
gasballceo : little update
gasballceo : they said they’ll only verify me if i change my @
jasperofficial : what why
gasballceo : apparently itll just create more confusion ab whos the real ceo of gasball currency and having the disclaimer in my bio wont cut it
quinnwitted : so what are u gonna change it to??
gasballceo : idk?? i dont really want to change it
benjamin18 : i guess it comes down to what’s more important to u: terrorising gasball currency to the point where they continuously offer u money in exchange for ur @ or having a little blue check mark
jasperofficial : its gonna be the first one right?? oliver loves taunting them
quinnwitted : but *twitter verification*
quinnwitted : the *blue check mark*
gasballceo : this is literally the biggest decision ive ever had to make and i once literally held the fate of the multiverse in the palm of my hand
benjamin18 : youre always so dramatic and for what
gasballceo : fun
benjamin18 : ah, right. carry on then
gasballceo : gasball currency might not know it, but they literally are *my brand*
gasballceo : and i’ve had this @ for years and years, so its my personal brand too
gasballceo : can i give that up? for a blue check mark? for the verification i’ve craved for so long?
quinnwitted : u realise this is real life and not dialogue for ur show right??
gasballceo : what *is* real life, quinn? were all just figments of each others imagination, living in worlds we’ve dreamt up, making choices that are, somehow, someway, already made…
quinnwitted : @benjamin18 ok hes passed dramatic and gone into existential
quinnwitted : sort him out
benjamin18 : oliver
benjamin18 : if i tell u that my verification request was rejected would that help u decide
gasballceo : wait what why??? how are they gonna say no to my best friend like that????
benjamin18 : idk i guess they don’t think im as much of a public figure as u guys
gasballceo : well i can’t leave u as the only non-verified one
gasballceo : gasballceo lives to see another day
jasperofficial: yay!!!
ceo of dreams / @gasballceo
hey @ceoofgasball - ur never ever ever getting my @
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cfo of dreams / @benjamin18
must u taunt them
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ceo of dreams / @gasballceo
yes
also awwww ur cfo of dreams :’)
jane / @theactualinternet
this hasn’t been as chaotic as i was hoping for
oh lumbersweats… / @lumberstan
still hoping for The Jaspers to all get verified
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dudepants / @gorgoblox5001
omg yes i would love that for them
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
aw so would i!! they all deserve it, they’re the best <3
gasballceo : ok now that i know im not getting verified
gasballceo : QUINN
quinnwitted : yes???
gasballceo : will u change ur display and stuff to look like me so i can pretend that i got to be verified for a bit :))
quinnwitted : do i have to
jasperofficial : i think that would be fun!! and nice, especially after all the teasing
quinnwitted : ...fine
benjamin18 : oliver
gasballceo: :)))
ceo of dreams / @quinnwitted ✔︎
so excited to finally be verified!! @twitter this is oliver todaro saying a HUGE personal thanks to u for finally making my stupidest dream come true :’)))
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ceo of dreams / @gasballceo
first of all this is far from my stupidest dream
second of all, did u know u can lose verification if u intentionally make urself look like someone else to mislead people?
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quINEXCUSABLE / @quinnwitted
BETRAYAL !!!
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cfo of dreams / @benjamin18
haha nicely done @gasballceo
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quINEXCUSABLE / @quinnwitted
et tu, brute?
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
that...was really really well played, :clap: :clap: @gasballceo
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quINEXCUSABLE / @quinnwitted
ET TU, BRUTE???
Fraiser Wren / @ceoofgasball ✔︎
Genuinely hate how my brand name keeps getting associated with these shenanigans and these idiot kids. This is not what Gasball Currency stands for.
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milo / @ gasballobsessed
oh, its so nice of u to tweet things like this :) i’m sure ur PR team loves that u work so hard to keep their jobs relevant!!
Chapter 16: the bets arc
Chapter Text
oxen free / @gasballceo
about to make a terrible decision, no one stop us
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i know you all think that im oliver’s impulse control and usually that’s true
however this time i am involved in the terrible decision rip
jane / @theactualinternet
is this a benjamin & oliver terrible decision, or a dream team terrible decision: place your bets!
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
placing bets is what started this whole situation >.>
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kila / @antiloveparasite
okay 1) very intrigued and 2) jasper using that kind of emoticon is incedible & iconic
dream team updates / @dtupdates
at least two members of the dream team, @gasballceo & @benjamin18, are planning to make, in their words, ‘a terrible decision’. @jasperofficial says that betting is involved. any ideas?
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milo / @gasballobsessed
something something poker night, ten-to-one that @orangerjasperpuffer live-tweets it
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
idk if i can this time, but trust me - the temptation is real
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robert! / @jasperwiththehat
i think u can as long as u dont reveal...yknow
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william / @hoodiejasper
check in the jasper cult gc!!
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
oop i kinda forgot we had that gc ok ok i will
orangejasperpuffer: yo
gasballceo: oh dip i forgot we had this chat
jasperwiththehat: well ig that’s what happens when u impulsively make a gc and then message in it exactly one time
jasperwiththehat: @hoodiejasper they always forget about us :’(
hoodiejasper: dont be so dramatic
quinnwitted: why are we using this chat suddenly ://
hoodiejasper: @jasperwiththehat our parents dont love us :(((
jasperofficial: i think ur first mistake was deciding that we’re ur parents
hoodiejasper: :O
hoodiejasper: is that any way to talk to ur children
quinnwitted: trust me this is exactly how i talk to the children in my life
benjamin18: can confirm
orangejasperpuffer: what?
orangejasperpuffer: oh, ellie
benjamin18: ...
benjamin18: i was going to make a joke and then remembered i cant make that joke in this chat
gasballceo: YO SAME
gasballceo: same brain
benjamin18: same brain!!
quinnwitted: ...this is why we don’t use this chat
jasperwiththehat: dream team inside jokes :eyes:
jasperofficial: hey wait, why can’t robert be included?
gasballceo: bc he deserves a peaceful life
jasperwiththehat: my chances at a peaceful life disappeared when i joined a cult for a baby on some pampers packaging, c’mon man
gasballceo: robbie i like you too much to let you in on the context for our jokes. trust me on this
jasperwiththehat: hmmmmmmmmm
quinnwitted: ok but fr what prompted using this chat again???
jasperofficial: yeah we literally havent used it since the night we got #jaspercult trending
jasperofficial: during the trending topics arc
gasballceo: what?
jasperofficial: what?
orangejasperpuffer: RIGHT so the dream team updates account was trying to figure out what terrible decision benjamin & oliver were going to make & someone replied saying it was probably a poker night & said that i would probably live tweet it & i wasn’t sure if i could given the context of it all
orangejasperpuffer: but then robert said maybe i could if i just avoided yknow and then wills said i should ask here
quinnwitted: hmm
gasballceo: hmmmm
benjamin18: is it more fun if they have no idea what we’re doing or is it more fun if they have very cryptic hints about what we’re doing
jasperofficial: hmmmmmm
jasperwiththehat: cryptic hints! cryptic hints! cryptic hints!
hoodiejasper: cryptic hints! cryptic hints! cryptic hints!
orangejasperpuffer: ...they are taking forever to respond do u think they are conferring in their group chat
quinnwitted: no wtf
quinnwitted: ...we’re in a call rn
jasperwiththehat: smh wow
jasperwiththehat: ur tearing this family apart
quinnwitted: i brought this family into existence, i can change that whenever i want >:(
jasperofficial: quinn
quinnwitted: i mean hi children what would u like for breakfast
orangejasperpuffer: can i have a big bowl of “can i live tweet yes or no” please
benjamin18: cryptic hints! cryptic hints!
gasballceo: cryptic hints!!!
hoodiejasper: is it just me or are benjamin and oliver acting more childish than usual??
don’t call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
sometimes you’ve just got to commit to a bit, even if it’s only funny to you
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oxen free / @gasballceo
tbf, i am finding it hilarious
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
same brain!
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oxen free / @gasballceo
same brain!!!!!
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quincess / @quinnwitted
omg can u guys just. stop. for two seconds
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
no
jane / @theactualinternet
i don’t like what i’m about to tweet anymore than you do but i read quinn’s display name as ‘quincest’ and thought i’d entered a dark timeline with dream team shipping a la ‘oncecest’
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luke / @badtimelongtime
jane wtf is ‘oncecest’
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jane / @theactualinternet
if you dont know, promise me you wont google it
jasperwiththehat: hey hey hey where are u guys @gasballceo @jasperofficial
gasballceo: we’re just pulling up now but why did u only @ us two
jasperwiththehat: eh i figured if i tagged one half of each pair i’d get a response
jasperofficial: ???
jasperofficial: are we really that predictable
peterson :) / @orangerjasperpuffer
for the record, we are not playing poker #jaspercult #jaspercultlivetweet
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we don’t bet on such silly things as cards
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we also don’t bet with foolish things like money. the stakes are HIGH. let the games begin…….
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quinn: are you sure you want to bet that?
oliver: scared, hills?
benjamin: dont. dont quote harry potter right now, man
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william: if i lose, i will let peterson eat all of my peanut butter
me: all...all of it??
william: yup
guys this might just be the best day of my life
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for those asking why i don’t just buy my own peanut butter: it tastes better when it’s stolen and/or won, leave me be
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robert: if i lose, which i won’t, then i will let each of you 1) wear my hat and 2) take a selfie in it
oliver: you’ll let us keep PHYSICAL EVIDENCE???
robert: IF i lose. which i WONT
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okay all bets are placed. some of them i am not allowed to tell you, including mine lol
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also to clarify: it doesnt matter who WINS it only matters who DOESNT LOSE
everyone’s ‘bets’ will be followed through on, except for the winner
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so if william loses, it doesnt matter if i also lose, i will still get to eat his peanut butter
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for everyone asking: yes this makes sense. obviously. it’s the #jaspercult did you expect anything less than a game of CHAOS
eat the rich / @japplehater
why am i not surprised that this is how the #jaspercult gambles with each other
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
its the most on brand thing
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
we do our best!
henry / @busybees
whenever the #jaspercult or the #dreamteam do anything remotely strange (which is every day) my mentions get flooded with people expecting me to be confused. so here u go: OF COURSE IM CONFUSED THEY DONT MAKE SENSE
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jane / @theactualinternet
you made this your brand, now lie in it
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henry / @busybees
what
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jane / @theactualinternet
you know, like ‘you made your bed, now lie in it’
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kila / @antiloveparasite
u say you don’t want to be “the old one” and then use idioms like this
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jane / @theactualinternet
[image: the ‘wasted’ meme]
peterson :) / @orangepufferjasper
ik u guys were probably hoping for more live tweeting but that’s hard to do when i am also playing the game
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henry / @busybees
u could just tell us what game ur playing
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robert! / @jasperwiththehat
no<3
quincess / @quinnwitted
haha peterson lost
robert! / @jasperwiththehat
someone tell quinn “theatre kid” hills to stop singing Hadestown just bc his “chips are down” we arent even using chips???
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milo / @gasballobsessed
...you recognised hadestown and ur going to pretend that ur not a theatre kid??
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i love my friends more than anything (except my mom) but i need to stop playing games with them
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oxen free / @gasballceo
youre just salty cause u lost
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Jasper / @jasperofficial
this is so rude???
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i have made a terrible mistake
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oxen free / @gasballceo
yes, this tweet DOES mean that he lost, how did you guess?
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
dont get cocky, u still haven’t won
william / @hoodiejasper
...and i’m out
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
bring me the butter, peanut boy
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william / @hoodiejasper
never has the smiley in ur display ever looked more diabolical
oxen free / @gasballceo
haha quinn lost
just me and robert left…
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jane / @theactualinternet
personally, i’m cheering for robert
robert! / @jasperwiththehat
I’M THE KING OF NEW YORK
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milo / @gasballobsessed
a newsies ref and ur still pretending ur not a theatre kid?!?!?!
peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
yes, yes, robert did in fact win, which means no selfies of us all in his hat D:
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
the most disappointing news of the year :(
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eat the rich / @japplehater
rip the dream
luke / @badtimelongtime
okay but what did the #dreamteam bet??
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oxen free / @gasballceo
that’s for us to know, and you to find out…
gasballceo: we didnt set a deadline on when the bets needed to be fulfilled, did we??
quinnwitted: no, why?
gasballceo: i just think...we can drag this out for a while. continue to cause chaso
hoodiejasper: evil. i love it
orangejasperpuffer: i mean i already got my peanut butter so idc really
orangejasperpuffer: and if i get to choose when i randomly do mine, that’s very fun for me
jasperwiththehat: plus u all get to get the fans on their toes
gasballceo: exactly!!!
jasperofficial: idk isn’t that a little mean??
benjamin18: nah, have u seen our ‘fans’?
benjamin18: they love a bit of chaos
quinnwitted: i’m on board if jasper’s on board
jasperofficial: hmm
gasballceo: cause! chaos! cause! chaos!
jasperofficial: oh, alright
jasperofficial: but i’m never playing with you guys again >.>
quinnwitted: the fans were right it is very iconic of u to use that style of emoticon
jasperofficial: why thank you uwu
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
bets will be fulfilled as and when we see fit…
maybe you’ll be able to catch them all ;)
Chapter 17: the birthday(s) arc
Notes:
some points:
- this chapter takes place over the course of a year, i'm not implying that all their birthdays happen right at the same time as each other
- i think there have been confirmed birthdays at one point or another but i do not remember and could not find them so i left the dates very vague
- i only did the dream team's birthdays but rest assured that the cult also get rager birthday parties & ridiculous twitter interactions
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
world’s best party planner / @gasballceo
you didnt hear it from me, but it’s benjamin’s birthday today
[image: a large table is overloaded with paper confetti, handmade cards, and presents wrapped in shining blue paper. there’s a banner hanging on the wall behind the table which reads “Hap B-DAY Benny”. It appears homemade.]
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
you realise that i can see this, right?
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world’s worst party planner / @gasballceo
...i was hoping you might not be online yet?
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don’t call be b*nny / @benjamin18
i have notifications on for you
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world’s worst party planner / @gasballceo
you have notifs on for me?? 🥺🥺
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
wishing a very very happy birthday to @benjamin18 - may you continue to have ur dreams come true for years and years to come
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
pressure’s on huh
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Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
just please keep dreaming <3
dream team updates / @ dtupdates
HAPPY BIRTHDAY @benjamin18!!
@gasballceo seems to be putting together a party, but has also spoiled the surprise lol
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milo / @ gasballobsessed
typical oliver
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kila / @antiloveparasite
how dare u
william / @ hoodiejasper
happy birthday benjamin!! love u man
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don’t call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
thank u!!! are you coming tonight??
robert / @jasperwiththehat
BIRTH @benjamin18
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
thanks? i think?
peterson :) / @orangepufferjasper
hey @benjamin18, hope u have a great day!! we’ll see u tonight as long as oliver doesn’t eat the whole cake before we get there
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world’s worst party planner / @gasballceo
no no the cake is for benny - he can eat as much as he wants and i won’t touch it until after
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
how big is the cake?
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world’s worst party planner / @gasballceo
[image: a large circle cake, roughly the circumfrance of a medium pizza, with two tiers]
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
perfect. bring me that and a fork
quinn there, done that / @ quinnwitted
he wasn’t kidding guys
[image: Benjamin sits curled up on a sofa with a warm blanket covering his legs. the cake is balanced on his knees and he’s holding a fork in one hand. he’s glaring up at where Quinn is taking the picture, but the effect is somewhat lost by the way he’s clearly biting his lip in an attempt to keep from smiling.]
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world’s worst party planner / @ gasballceo
ik it’s his birthday but i am considering stealing it from him
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Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
don’t you dare!!!
jasperofficial : happy birthday benjamin!!! i hope u had a good day!!
benjamin18 : i did!! thank you guys, this was really fun :)
gasballceo : WOO BIRTHDAYS
quinnwitted : i’m starting to think that oliver is only going so all out bc he wants us to be ridiculous over his birthday
gasballceo : ugh as if
gasballceo : i just like to celebrate :) and benny is my best friend
benjamin18 : 😉 👈 back at ya
dream team updates / @ dtupdates
it’s @jasperofficial’s birthday today!! #jasperjaspersonbday
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eat the rich / @ antijapple
are we gonna get him on the trending page again #jasperjaspersonbday #dreamteam
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henry / @ busybees
it’s what he deserves #jasperjaspersonbday
jane / @theactualinternet
secretly hoping that #jasperjaspersonbday means we’ll get a revival of the @jasperprime acc
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luke / @badtimelongtime
i forgot about that!!! how do u remember all these things
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jane / @theactualinternet
i have a problem + am always online
Party Boy Oliver / @gasballceo
no way jasper’s trending AGAIN this is getting ridiculous #jasperjaspersonbday
BUT OFC HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BOY - JASPER ILY <3
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Birthday Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
thanks oliver!!! ily too :)
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Party Boy Oliver / @gasballceo
woah u changed ur display u never change ur display :0
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Birthday Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
Quinn said I should!!
don’t call me b*nny / @ benjamin18
happy birthday @jasperofficial :D
gonna keep dreaming just for u #jasperjaspersonbday
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Birthday Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
just for me!! you’re so sweet
Thing 1 / @ dudepantsryan
hbd @jasperofficial!! eat lots of cake & try not to get kidnapped again
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Thing 2 / @ dudepantsalex
seconded! have a good day!!
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Birthday Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
thanks you two! i’ll do my best to avoid needing your uh… ‘rescue’
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Thing 1 / @ dudepantsryan
did we or did we not help u
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Thing 2 / @ dudepantsalex
i’m pretty sure we did not
i’m so quinnto you / @ quinnwitted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ONLY JASPERSON THAT MATTERS
[image: Quinn has an arm thrown around Jasper’s shoulders and his leaning in so that their faces are smushed together. they are wearing matching smiles]
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peterson :) / @ orangejasperpuffer
happy birthday jasper!!!!!!
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william / @ hoodiejasper
HAP HAP BIRTHDAY!!!
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robert / @ jasperwiththehat
BIRTH!!
Birthday Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
my mom told me not to show pictures of the cake she made me but i love it & her so here:
[image: a handmade cake decorated with grey and black icing. the bulk of the cake is grey with silhouettes of two characters carefully drawn in black. the characters are, of course, Lumbersweats and Gorgoblox 5000. the line-work is far from professional, but it’s clearly been made with love. in blue icing above the characters, Jasper’s mom has written Happy Birthday! in a cheerful, swooping script.]
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f in the chat / @ freddofantastic
tell ur mom this is the best cake i have even seen
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kila / @ antiloveparasite
lumbersweats cake…. :0 @badtimelongtime will you make this for my birthday?
quinnwitted : HAPPYBIRTHDAY JASPER I HOPE YOUHAD A GRETA DAY
gasballceo : is ur space bar okay
quinnwitted : yes shut up i’m just excited
benjmain18 : happy birthday jasper!! so glad i get to know you!!
gasballceo : rt!! ur like super great
gasballceo: fully understand why *someone* started a cult in your name
jasperofficial : hi very sweet love u all
jasperofficial : i am at the hospital
quinnwitted : what?????
jasperofficial : uh. the cult gave me some banana bread
quinnwitted : AND YOU ATE IT????
jasperofficial : i am at the hospital please dont yell at me :(
benjamin18 : im texting william why tf did they give you that??
gasballceo : jasper fact #57 smh how do i know this and *you* dont
quinnwitted : im going to the hospital who’s coming with me??
benjamin18: i’ll come pick u up
oh gorgoblox… / @ lumberstan
does anyone know when quinns birthday is? he’s the only one who doesn’t have it in his bio
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eat the rich / @ japplehater
maybe @theactualinternet knows??
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jane / @ theactualinternet
i actually don’t! not sure it’s ever been mentioned anywhere tbh - might be worth asking
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oh gorgoblox… / @ lumberstan
hmmmm but what if we’ve miss it??
quinntessential quinformation / @quinnwitted
someone: people like it when ur mysterious
me: *is mysterious*
people: hey quinn why dont u tell us anything ab urself
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔
there’s a difference between being mysterious & not sharing anything?? you know at least 1028 meaningless things about me, i should get to know at least the same ab u
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quinntessential quinformation / @quinnwitted
we’re actually up to 1109 now
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
youre still collecting facts????
eat the rich / @japplehater
not a day goes by where i dont think about the jasper facts…
jasperofficial : quinnnn why wont u tell us ur bday
gasballceo : yeah come on we wanna celebrate with u!!
quinnwitted : honestly idk when my birthday *is* exactly
quinnwitted : like, i know it’s this month
quinnwitted : but yknow. memory stuff. not sure of exact dates bc it’s not like we ever really...celebrated it
gasballceo : oof
benjamin18 : rt
quinnwitted : it’s cool, i just don’t make a big deal out of it
jasperofficial : you deserve to have a big deal made about it!!
quinnwitted : thanks man
jasperofficial : i mean it!!
gasballceo : hey #tbt - ur mom has accs in this dreamscape right
gasballceo : she probably checks in at least occassionally even if shes not like. seeking us out
quinnwitted : ….yeeeeees?
gasballceo : bc she respects ur boundaries ofc ofc
gasballceo : anyway. my point is that we could ask her
gasballceo : if u wanted
quinnwitted : i mean we dont even know when/if/how often she comes here
benjamin18 : @mrsdarcyhills tweeted like three days ago
jasperofficial : wait really
benjamin18 : yeah she seems to be active a lot more than i thought she would be
benjamin18 : should i feel weird ab my second grade teacher jumping into my dreams this much
gasballceo : i mean technically she wasn’t our second grade teacher, she was a sub
benjmain18 : idk if that makes it better
jasperofficial: quinn? what do u think?
quinnwitted : well
quinnwitted : i have been meaning to talk to her again
quinnwitted : ...do u think if i found out my birthday ur mom would make me a cake?
jasperofficial : i know she would
quinnwitted: then yeah. ok. lets find out
lydia / @mrsdarcyhills 🔒
happy birthday, Quinn
I love you, sweetheart
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birthday quinnvitation / @quinnwitted
thanks mom
Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
he didn’t want us to make a big fuss on the day, but here’s some pictures from quinn’s birthday a few days ago!!
[a series of three images. in the first, Quinn sits at a table decorated in confetti. there’s a small cake decorated in purple sitting in front of him, and he’s wearing a bashful smile. in the second, Oliver and Benjamin sit on either side of him and there’s some presents added to the table. all three of them are smiling, but only Benjamin is actually looking at the camera. in the third, Quinn and Jasper are chatting, paying no attention to the camera, as Quinn picks at some wrapping paper. Quinn is now wearing a paper birthdya hat, although there is no explanation of where said hat came from.]
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milo / @ gasballobsessed
awww these photos are adorable!
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luke / @ badtimelongtime
we recreate when u visit for my bday??
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milo / @ gasballobsessed
absolutley <3
peterson :) / @ orangerjasperpuffer
have some more pictures
[two images. in the first, Quinn has his head turned towards William and Robert, are caught mid-movement and seem to be jumping in the air while doing some sort of dance. Quinn is laughing. the whole photo has a sort of motion-blur to it. in the second, Quinn, William, Robert, and Peterson are all squished onto a couch. Quinn has a silver wrapping bow stuck to his forehead and Robert is sticking another one onto his chest. they’re all laughing.]
jane / @ theactualinternet
ok so quinn’s display briefly changed to ‘birthday quinnvitation’ three days ago so we can assume that’s his bday!! clearly he doesnt want to make a big deal of it though, at least not rn
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oh gorgoblox… / @ lumberstan
im just glad he has the dream team to celebrate with him <3
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jane / @ theactualinternet
me too!
quinnwitted : u guys are my favourite people
gasballceo : rt!!!
benjamin18 : back at u
quinnwitted : especially jasper
jasperofficial : <3
gasballceo : oh i see how it is
benjamin18: ollie...let it go
quinexplicable / @ quinnwitted
brace urselves...its oliver’s birthday in 3 minutes
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
what are u implying here
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quinexplicable / @ quinnwitted
that ur gonna be annoying
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hbd oliver!! / @ benjamin18
hey it’s his birthday u legally cant be mean to him
Jasper / @ jasperofficial ✔︎
Happy Birthday @gasballceo!!! thanks for being so cool and talented and a great friend
here’s to another year of great writing, ridiculous dreams, and general chaos!!
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
JASPER im gonna cry ty ty ty
peterson :) / @ orangejasperpuffer
yo @gasballceo happy birthday!!
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
yo peterson thank you!!
william / @ hoodiejasper
happy bday @gasballceo!! have a great day :)))
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
oh i will dw dw (thank u!!!)
robert / @ jasperwiththehat
B I R T H!!! @gasballceo
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
BIRTH!!!!
hbd oliver!! / @benjamin18
happy happy happy birthday to my best friend @gasballceo!!
couldn’t ask for a better guy to dream a multiverse with 🎂
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @gasballceo
thank you!!!!!! ur the best!!!!!
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milo / @gasballobsessed
mom come pick me up the dream team is saying weird things about dreams again
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henry / @busybees
literally what does this mean?? ig maybe it refers to benjamin helping with writing stuff??
jane / @theactualinternet
all of the #jaspercult tweeting about @gasballceo’s birthday at *exactly* midnight is more of a coordinated effort than any group project i did in college
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eat the rich / @japplehater
now i just want to see what a group project between the jasper cult would look like
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
no u dont
benjamin18 : good morning & happy birthday oliver!!
gasballceo : thank u!!!
gasballceo : also u all tweeting as soon as midnight hit made me :)))
jasperofficial : happy birthday!!
quinnwitted : party tonight? or are we waiting for the weekend
gasballceo : when have we ever waited for the weekend
quinnwitted : fair enough
benjamin18 : i have stuff ready to go
benjamin18 : oliver u can come over whenever but ik u have stuff with ur family
gasballceo : uh yeah
gasballceo : i assumed u were coming??
benjamin18 : with ur moms and brother??
gasballceo : yeah???
quinnwitted : awww
benjamin18 : i
benjamin18 : should i meet u somewhere??
gasballceo: lol we’ll pick u up :))
Broliver / @smelliot69
happy birthday bro
[two images. the first: a picture of Oliver, his face smushed into a pillow as he lays on his side under a navy blue quilt. he’s got his phone in one hand and it’s illuminating his face and his messy, slept-in hair. he’s smiling. the second: Oliver in the same position, his eyes barely lifted from his phone screen, but his other hand is lifted out of the quilt to flip off Elliot’s camera.]
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hbd oliver!! / @benjamin18
u can really tell u two are brothers
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Broliver / @ smelliot69
thank u
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birthday oliver 🎉 / @ gasballceo
for my bday will u finally change ur @
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Broliver / @ smelliot69
no
Broliver / @ smelliot69
they’re so dorky omg
[video: Oliver and Benjamin walk a few steps ahead of where Elliot is filming from. they’re shoving each other playfully and pointing at interesting trees. Oliver says “Are we at a point where we can joke about that...forest?” they walk a couple more steps and then Benjamin nudges Oliver and points to a particularly scraggly tree with vines growing up the side. he says, “Ah, a tree!” Oliver bursts into laughter and shoves Benjamin to the side. Elliot, behind the camera, whispers, “It wasn’t even funny…?”]
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quinexplicable / @ quinnwitted
i mean. it was kind of funny
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Broliver / @ smelliot69
your inside jokes are weird
birthday oliver 🎉 / @gasballceo
i’m spending the rest of my birthday offline but i just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who i’ve seen tweeting me and sending me well wishes!! my family + i spent the afternoon together & now i’m getting together with the #jaspercult for a party!! i have been eating lots of cake & being thorough spoiled :) i really couldn’t ask for better people in my life <3
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kila / @antiloveparasite
enjoy ur night!!! happy birthday!!
oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
oliver: i’m spending the rest of the night offline
me & @theactualinternet immediately messaging each other: he’s gonna get drunk
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jane / @theactualinternet
at least he has the foresight to switch his phone off before he goes out to party
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milo / @gasballobsessed
bet u anything we get at least one drunk tweet
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luke / @badtimelongtime
bet u 10 kisses
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milo / @gasballobsessed
that’s quite the bet to make for a long distance relationship
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oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
can u guys go flirt somewhere that isn’t my tweet smh
birthday oliver 🎉 / @gasballceo
oh sht i thikn my 2nd grade slef had a tste today
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milo / @gasballobsessed
@badtimelongtime pay up
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luke / @badtimelongtime
im omw 🏃♂️
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henry / @busybees
yes u two are very cute but wtf does this mean
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eat the rich / @japplehater
he’s drunk henry, let it go
hbd oliver!! / @benjamin18
….wait but i think he’s right
|
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henry / @busybees
??????
Notes:
Happy Birthday, Nick!
Hope you enjoyed this nonsense :)
Chapter 18: the sappiness arc
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
so so proud of @gasballceo!! ik how much time you put into writing this season & it’s sure to be the best one yet!! i’m really looking forward to seeing the characters together again and can’t wait for @felixfelicis as the alchemist
oh gorgoblox… / @lumberstan
already three eps into #lumbersweats5 & OH MY GOD
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|
i said i’d be spoiler-free here for a week but OH MY GOD
|
|
the PLOT TWIST at the end of ep 3 has me REELING PLEASE DM ME IF U HAVE SEEN IT
kila / @antiloveparasite
NEW LUMBERSWEATS NEW LUMBERSWEATS NEW LUMBERSWEATS #lumbersweats5
[image: a motion-blur edit of gorgoblox 5000 screaming, surrounded by red and blue heart emojis]
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luke / @badtimelongtime
IM ALMOST THERE DONT U DARE START WITHOUT ME
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
HUGE congrats to @gasballceo & everyone else involved with the creation of #lumbersweats5
milo / @gasballobsessed
jane said i’d like lumbersweats so i was trying to catch up before #lumbersweats5 but i’m still only on 3x03 AHHHHH muting all the words rn
ollie pop / @gasballceo
seeing everyone tweeting about #lumbersweats5 is really warming my heart <3
me, my team, the actors, the set designers, the customers, the directors, the producers, the editing team, and everyone else involved in this show are so touched by your response!! we couldn’t ask for better fans :)
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
my team and i*
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
are u really correcting my grammar rn
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|
quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
i just think that as a professional writer u should do better idk
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
you*
Broliver / @smelliot69
congrats @gasballceo!!
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
congratulate me by changing ur @
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Broliver / @smelliot69
no <3
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
please please please don’t spoil #lumbersweats5 in my replies!! the #jaspercult is planning a watch party tomorrow (yes, with special writers commentary) so i’m trying not to see anything until then! :)
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kila / @antiloveparasite
can u convince ur special writer commentator to share 👀
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i can try!
quinnwitted : are u mad??
gasballceo : idk mad isnt the right word
gasballceo : its just like. a big deal for me know??
quinnwitted : yeah ik, did u see ur trending!!!
gasballceo : no thanks to you
quinnwitted : so you *are* mad???
jasperofficial : hey @gasballceo people wanna know if you can share ur commentary
jasperofficial : oh oops i didnt see what u were talking about
jasperofficial : wait what are u talking about?
benjamin18 : quinn didnt tweet ab lumbersweats but he did correct oliver’s grammar
benjamin18 : oliver is kinda hurt & mad but refuses to actually just *say that*
gasballceo : i dont need u subtweeting me jksahgsjgk
benjamin18 : @gasballceo is kinda hurt & mad but refuses to actually just *say that*
gasballceo : touché
quinnwitted : see this is the thing!!! u put accent marks!!! u care ab grammar
gasballceo : yeah & idm u teasing me ab thatgasballceo : but it was my celebration tweet & u didnt even say congrats
gasballceo : ik that we arent the closest but i thought u liked lumbersweats
quinnwitted : i do! i think its fantastic!!
gasballceo : ok
quinnwitted : aw oliver come on
quinnwitted : im planning to do a tweet thread of all my reactions tomorrow
quinnwitted : my plan was to congratulate u then
quinnwitted : but im sorry that i didnt say anything properly today
gasballceo : ahh all is forgiven
gasballceo : im being silly anyway
quinnwitted : ur not being silly!!!
gasballceo : kinda am
gasballceo: anyway @jasperofficial i think i can share some of the writers commentary if u guys are cool with me voice recording while we watch!!
quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
ALL OF MY #lumbersweats5 REACTIONS: A VERY VERY EXCITED THREAD AB MY FRIENDS SHOW!!!!
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(show 112 more tweets)
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
SKAJFHKFAKLFK IM CRYING
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
good or bad??????
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
UR RIGHT NEXT TO ME U KNOW THE ANSWER
peterson :) / @orangepufferjasper
why are the #dreamteam STILL crying in our living room??? the season finale finished over an hour ago???
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
apparently quinn got all emo over the cliff speech??? it was very good (bc all of oliver’s writing is good ofc ofc) but an hour does seem…excessive
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william / @hoodiejasper
just overheard & apparently quinn & oliver have history at a cliff????? no idea
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kila / @antiloveparasite
wait so the cliff speech was a reference? that’s so sweet
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dudepants / @gorgoblox5001
that means both quinn & jasper have been referenced in lumbersweats :’)
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milo / @gasballobsessed
#justice4benjamin
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
what ab me? this is my thread
quinnwitted : u guys know u mean the world to me right?
gasballceo : ik that *jasper* means the world to u
gasballceo : do u need money
benjamin18 : dont be rude oliver
jasperofficial : u mean the world to me too quinn!! whats brought this on??
quinnwitted : idk
quinnwitted : i was just thinking about how long we’ve known each other and how important u all are to me (yes even u oliver) and i felt like i dont say it enough so. i thought i’d say it
benjamin18 : youre a good friend & im glad i know you
gasballceo : rt!! luv u
gasballceo: all of u <333
quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
what does it say ab me that when i tell my friends i care about them they dont believe me
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Broliver / @smelliot69
if this is about @gasballceo dont take it personally hes bad at being a normal person
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
he asked if i needed money
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
well DO you?
ollie pop / @gasballeo
y’all can stop flooding my mentions, ik that quinn likes me
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Broliver / @smelliot69
then why did u ask if he wanted money???
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ollie pop / @gasballeo
bc being straight up is not how he usually expresses affection!!
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
so a guy cant shake things up every once in a while smh smh
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Broliver / @smelliot69
i say u shouldve taken his money
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
hey!
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
no one needs to worry, quinn & oliver spent like three hours yesterday talking ab how much they appreciate each other. oliver is just being dramatic bc quinn is *still* being sappy in the group chat a day later, which is, to be fair, pretty out of character
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eat the rich / @japplehater
sappy how?
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
he keeps sending memes ab friendship & edits of all of us surrounded by hearts
have u ever received a meme of ur own face?? it is kinda weird
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
fine, i recind my affection
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
rescind*
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quinn there, done that / @quinnwitted
are u really correcting my grammar rn?
|
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ollie pop / @gasballceo
i just think that as a professional writer i should encourage u to do better idk
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
ah, i see we’re back to normal
quinnwitted : still gonna be sappy in dms
quinnwitted : bc i am bursting with love <3
gasballceo : geez remind me to never reference u in my show again
quinnwitted : u love me
gasballceo : yeah yeah
gasballceo : i do love u all
gasballceo : thanks for being the best best friends ever
benjamin18 : now who’s being sappy
jasperofficial : love you too!!!
benjamin18 : <3
quinnwitted: i’m glad i met u all
Notes:
happy one year anniversary to the dream team group chat!!!
as always, this is a love letter to the lucids server & all of our little inside jokes & bits & excitement over our favourite show. i can't believe we're so quickly approaching one year since the finale — so i thought i would write about these guys experiencing a finale of their own, complete with a silly bit, people being sappy on main, and reaction threads that are excessively long.
i think quinn said it best: i'm glad i met u all <3
Chapter 19: the fun facts arc
Chapter Text
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
hey, @benjamin18, did you know that Venus is the hottest planet in our solar system, at 450°C?
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i did! did you know that on Mars, sunsets appear blue?
|
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
approximately 1.3 million Earths can fit inside the sun!!
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
a NASA spacesuit cost $12 million in 1974 but today it would cost an estimated $150 million
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|
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
the moon is shaped like a lemon :O!
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
clouds in the milky way taste like raspberries!
quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
if ur wondering why ben and jasper are being Like That it’s bc we’re at the science museum and they are tweeting each other fun facts they read instead of saying them outloud
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orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
they’re bonding over astrophysics
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henry / @busybees
that is adorable
|
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orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
it would be except that it means they arent talking to us :(
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
it has come to my attention that people dont know that im a physicist?? i’ve been interested in this stuff since the second grade - working to understand the universe is something i love
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orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
yeah benny reads physics & philosophy books on the playground
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kila / @antiloveparasite
reads?
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luke / @badtimelongtime
u dont need to tweet about *everyones* typos
jane / @theactualinternet
yo @quinnwitted how’s the museum?
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quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
it is very museum-y
we’re going to an imax thing in a minute which should be very cool :0
milo / @gasballobsessed
all this talk of space has me thinking about my ‘starbucks and gasball currency have the same name’ realization again… how long until there’s a third competitor “Super Giant Stock Exchange”
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luke / @badtimelongtime
“super giant stock exchange” is just capitalism, babe
|
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milo / @gasballobsessed
…ur right
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kila / @antiloveparasite
Sun Cash, Luminary Funds, Spherical Coins
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luke / @badtimelongtime
coins are already spherical
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kila / @antiloveparasite
they’re already circular, that’s not the same thing
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milo / @gasballobsessed
she’s right, honey
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
i want to touch jar jar binks’s slobbering tongue. i feel like it would be an interesting texture
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kila / @antiloveparasite
?????????????????
robert / @jasperwiththehat
i have notifs on for oliver bc we Vibe usually but maybe i need to unfollow him for this
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orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
hey :(
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
u’ve gone too far this time…………..
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
i’m sorry!!! jasper is still tweeting fun facts instead of talking to us so quinn got bored
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|
peterson / @orangepufferjasper
and that led to u tweeting about jar jar binks???
|
|
peterson / @orangepufferjasper
OH
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
IMAX presentation time!!! we’re gonna learn about all the planets :)))
|
|
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
why is everyone tweeting about jar jar binks??
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
space!!!!!!!!
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
idk why everyone is tweeting about jar jar binks again but i’m choosing to believe it’s oliver’s fault
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
it’s quinn’s!!!
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|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
oh nevermind go back to being cute with jasper
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
photo credit: @quinnwitted
[image: Jasper and Benjamin stand in front of a model of the solar system. All of the planets and the sun are lit up in bright colours, and there are little LEDs situated around the base of the model to simulate distant stars. The light from the sun is reflected in Jasper’s eyes as he stares, his mouth slightly open. Benjamin is leaning against Jasper’s arm and slightly forward, pointing at Mars. He’s saying something.]
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orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
they’re like kids (affectionate)
|
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quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
yeah why dont u join them
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
YO @benjamin18 GET OVER HERE THERE’S AN EXHIBIT ABOUT DREAMS
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
“some theorists posit that we are all inside someone’s head” but i guess the question is whose dream is it 🧐😂
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
hmmmm i wonder…
|
|
quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
stop being such dorks
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
we’ve been at a museum for four hours, i think its time to accept that we ARE dorks
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
i’ve somehow ended up in a criminology exhibit & this guy is talking about kidnapping???
|
|
quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
im omw
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
quinn just RACED past me???
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
jasper is at an exhibit about kidnapping
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
and quinn thought it was a good idea to join that???
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
it’s ur dream man we just live here
henry / @busybees
the way they always call this benjamin’s dream is starting to feel suspicious
|
|
jane / @theactualinternet
what, you think they really believe that benjamin dreamt up our reality??? lmaoooo
|
|
henry / @busybees
they do call their friend group a cult
|
|
milo / @gasballobsessed
yeah, the *jasper* cult - surely if it was about benjamin they’d call it that
|
|
luke / @badtimelongtime
besides im more concerned about their reaction to the kidnapping stuff??
william / @hoodiejasper
is it really a crime if they don’t press charges
|
|
peterson / @orangejasperpuffer
lets not tweet about crimes
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
got quinn out of the criminology exhibit, got oliver out of the lucid dreaming section, got jasper back by my side. things are good
|
|
quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
ollie and i are also ‘by your side’??? why does only jasper get a shoutout???
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
bc he’s jasper
|
|
orbiting ollie / @gasballceo
we’ve been replaced quinn…… :(
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
have some more photos
[images: a collection of photos of the museum, mostly in the space exhibits and all of them including both Jasper and Benjamin in various states of awe.]
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
yeah we’re cute :]
|
|
quinnportant quinnformation / @quinnwitted
where’s my photo credit this time :(
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
have one more picture
[image: the dream team are all crushed into frame. They’re sitting in Benjamin’s car, him in the driver’s seat with Jasper in the passenger side. Quinn and Oliver are both leaning forward from the backseat to cram into the picture. Everyone is smiling hugely. Jasper is cradling a shopping bag from the gift shop. It is full to bursting.]
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
a very good day :)
Chapter 20: the lesbians arc
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
benjamin18
: i thought you guys were going out
gasballceo
: we are, but Quinn is taking FOREVER to do his hair
benjamin18
: lol
benjamin18
: it needs to work tbf
gasballceo
: maybe so but it’s just gonna get wet anyway
gasballceo
: @quinnwitted
gasballceo
: @quinnwitted
gasballceo
: @quinnwitted
gasballceo
: @quinnwitted
quinnwitted
: UR SO RUDE GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES
quinnwitted
: and stop laying on ur horn i’ll be out soon!!!!!!!
benjamin18
: i give it twenty-seven minutes
gasballceo
: what an oddly specific but not at all inaccurate number
Long Live The Quinn
/ @
quinnwitted
god hates me personally
|
|
Jasper
/ @
jasperofficial
✔︎
Benjamin and Oliver are making fun of him
|
|
kila
/ @
antiloveparasite
are you saying that benjamin and oliver are gods??
|
|
Jasper
/ @
jasperofficial
✔︎
I’m saying that their combined forces are… very creative
|
|
Long Live The Quinn
/ @
quinnwitted
theyre so mean :(
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
i am literally driving you to the beach rn???
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
don’t tweet and drive
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
dw dad we’re stopped for gas 🙄
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
you don’t have a dad so i think this falls flat
|
|
frenchie
/ @
gaypilot
don’t make fun of someone for their dad leaving!!
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
my parents are lesbians
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
proud of u @gasballceo
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
thanks. change ur handle
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
No ❤︎︎
|
|
Long Live The Quinn
/ @
quinnwitted
change ur display?
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
No but in Spanish ❤︎︎
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
someone’s been watching too much teen wolf
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
i was in a coma i’m allowed to indulge in my comfort character for as long as i want ❤︎︎
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
he’s got you there
gasballceo
: [image: Quinn at the beach. he’s wearing a pair of purple swim trunks (most likely borrowed from Jasper, judging by the embroidered
J
on his hip) that are just a little big. his hair is already wet, implying that he’s just run up from the ocean, which is visible behind him, and it’s curled slightly from the water. he’s smiling at the camera with one hand on the back of his head]
gasballceo
: do i post this pic y/n
benjamin18
: p sure that would kill quinn’s fans on impact
jasperofficial
: p sure it just killed me on impact
quinnwitted
: ??
jasperofficial
: i like when u smile :)
gasballceo
: that is so SOFT wtf
gasballceo
: hey benny how come u never give me sweet compliments like that
benjamin18
: maybe if u looked like quinn i would
gasballceo
: :0!
quinnwitted
: u need to stop my ego can’t take this
gasballceo
: hey quinn are u already sunburnt or are you just blushing really
really
hard?
quinnwitted
: shut up
gasballceo
: make me
benjamin18
: ah so the picture killed you on impact too
gasballceo
: shut up
olliepop / @gasballceo
[image: a screenshot of the dream team group chat, showing the first three messages of the above section, not including the picture of Quinn]
|
|
milo / @gasballobsessed
PLEASE 🙏🏼
|
|
luke / @badtimelongtime
simp
|
|
milo / @gasballobsessed
only for u, sweetie
|
|
kila / @antiloveparasite
gross
janie jane
/ @
theactualinternet
heyyyy @gasballceo i would also like to see the picture of Quinn…for research… 👀
|
|
oh gorgoblox…
/ @
lumberstan
same 👀
Long Live The Quinn / @quinnwitted
[image: Oliver lays out on a beach towel, wearing a pair of circular sunglasses with blue lenses and a pair of teal swim shorts. he’s covered in freckles on his face, arms, and chest, and is smiling lazily at the camera, waving with two fingers]
|
|
eat the rich / @japplehater
AHHHHHHHHH
|
|
kila / @antiloveparasite
we were prepared for a Quinn pic, not this 😭😭
|
|
eat the rich / @japplehater
RIGHT who knew mr todaro was hiding all that
|
|
olliepop / @gasballceo
i can’t even make a “mr todaro was my father” joke bc my parents are lesbians (also thank u but i have never once hid the fact that im attractive 😌)
|
|
eat the rich / @japplehater
i was still caught off guard by the sheer amount of freckles (also can we see the Quinn pic now?)
|
|
olliepop / @gasballceo
smh ig he’s always the favourite
[image: the picture of Quinn from the group chat]
janie jane
/ @
theactualinternet
patiently waiting for pics of @benjamin18 and @jasperofficial
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
tragically both Jasper and I have jobs with set hours so there are no beach pictures of us
|
|
Long Live The Quinn
/ @
quinnwitted
we are capable of hanging out in smaller groups
|
|
kila
/ @
antiloveparasite
i thought benjamin & oliver were attached at the hip
|
|
Jasper
/ @
jasperofficial
✔︎
more like the brain but yes, they are. i would bet all of my days wages that they are texting rn
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
maybe so
gasballceo
: come join us after work
quinnwitted
: fake sick
benjamin18
: “we are capable of hanging out in smaller groups”
quinnwitted
: we are but i miss uuuuuuuu
benjamin18
: me specifically?
quinnwitted
: yeah :(
benjamin18
: hmmm
quinnwitted
: both of u
benjamin18
: that’s what i thought
gasballceo
: bennyyyyyy
quinnwitted
: ur my friend too i am allowed to miss u
benjamin18
: it’s just unlike u
gasballceo
: benny come to the beach
benjamin18
: so you can try to drown me again?
gasballceo
: that was one time and we were six!!!
benjamin18
: hmmmmmm
jasperofficial
: i would like to go to the beach after work! do you want a ride benjamin?
benjamin18
: hmmm
benjamin18
: ok fine let me dm u
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
stop flooding my mentions with requests for beach pictures i am not at the beach this is the closest thing you’re going to get
[image: a photo of a computer screen open to a zoom meeting. the other participants are scribbled out so it only shows Benjamin, looking tired and frowning, with the zoom background set to a default, and poorly tracked, photo of an island]
|
|
luke
/ @
badtimelongtime
thank u for ur service
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
cryptic tweet
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
you can’t just post “cryptic tweet” the point is to come up with something original that is cryptic
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
ok dad 🙄
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
/ @
benjamin18
u do not have a father
|
|
frenchie
/ @
gaypilot
…are your parents lesbians too
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
you realise that i’m @gasballceo’s brother right?
jasperofficial
: on our way now!!
gasballceo
: we’ve saved u a good seat :]
quinnwitted
: no we haven’t
gasballceo
: we’re going to get u good seats
benjamin18
: yeah that seems more honest
gasballceo
: either way there will be a good seat waiting for you
gasballceo
: and that is what matters is it not
benjamin18
: we’re lost
quinnwitted
: what ???
benjamin18
: how much more clear do i need to be
benjamin18
: we are lost
gasballceo
: that doesn’t even make sense Jasper has an incredible sense of direction
jasperofficial
: thank you but we are still lost
gasballceo
: how did this happen
jasperofficial
: i don’t know :(
gasballceo
: even i didn’t get lost and until today i haven’t driven more than twenty minutes for like two years
benjamin18
: proud of u btw
gasballceo
: thank u now back to the matter at hand
quinnwitted
: where are you????
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
quinn is currently on the phone to Jasper giving him directions this has never happened before and i am very concerned
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
it’s not Jasper’s fault that Ben’s a terrible navigator
gasballceo
: i am waving can u see me yet
benjamin18
: 👋🏼
gasballceo
: hurry up !!!
benjamin18
: u just want to post pictures for your followers
gasballceo
: yeah obviously
jasperofficial
: we also brought a surprise :)
quinnwitted
: what?
gasballceo
: DID U BRING ELLIOT
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
oliver is crying so i get to post the picture before he does haha
[image: Benjamin and Jasper stand side-by-side. Benjamin’s head is obscured as he pulls off his grey t-shirt. he’s wearing black swim trunks and brown flip flops. Jasper is in a pair of lilac shorts, his head tilted back and to the side to laugh at something off-camera. he has his arms crossed loosely over his chest]
|
|
oh gorgoblox…
/ @
lumberstan
ty for the pics but why is oliver crying
|
|
Broliver
/ @
smelliot69
we haven’t gone out/done stuff together for a while bc of Personal Coma Related Reasons so he was very excited that Ben & Jasper drove me. sap
|
|
olliepop
/ @
gasballceo
oh like you weren’t also crying
Jasper
/ @
jasperofficial
✔︎
quick they’re distracted post brothers content
[two images: in the first, Oliver and Elliot are in the water, splashing each other and laughing. in the second, Elliot has his hands on Oliver’s shoulders, shoving him down towards the ocean]
|
|
henry
/ @
busybees
they somehow look so alike but also nothing alike
|
|
frenchie
/ @
gaypilot
their parents are lesbians
|
|
henry
/ @
busybees
afagahdjakda yes i know they’re adopted i was just Making Commentary
gasballceo
: fr got to stop being sappy in front of Elliot or he will make fun of me forever but ty for bringing him
jasperofficial
: anytime <3
benjamin18
: do you want to try driving him home?
gasballceo
: that might be a bit much for right now. but maybe i’ll take him to go pick up dinner for all of us? bring some pizza back here?
quinnwitted
: sounds good :)
Long Live The Quinn / @quinnwitted
dinner time - ty @smelliot69 & @gasballceo
[image: three large pizza boxes are open on top of a haphazard collection of beach towels arranged as a picnic basket.]
|
|
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
see? god doesn’t hate u personally
|
|
Long Live The Quinn / @quinnwitted
guess not ☼
Notes:
NEED to get better about posting these chapters to ao3 how am i posting a beach day episode in OCTOBER
anyway hope you enjoyed
Chapter 21: the employment arc
Chapter Text
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
Benjamin Lewis
that’s it that’s the tweet
|
|
william
| @
hoodiejasper
we get it you’re obsessed with him
|
|
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
yes
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
| @
benjamin18
thank you…?
|
|
kila <3
| @
antiloveparasite
this kind of tweet is typically a very good thing
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
Jasper Jasperson
that’s it that’s the tweet
|
|
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
don’t steal my bit
|
|
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
you don’t create the bit and so i repeat:
Jasper Jasperson
|
|
robert
| @
jasperwiththecap
we get it, you’re obsessed with him
|
|
william
| @
hoodiejasper
don’t steal my bit
peterson
| @
orangejasperpuffer
william wenover & robert paulson that’s it that’s the tweet
|
|
robert
| @
jasperwiththecap
go best friend that’s my best friend
|
|
william
| @
hoodiejasper
wE gEt It YoUrE oBsEsSeD wItH uS
(just had to say it before anyone else did <3)
|
|
Jasper
| @j
asperofficial
✔︎
you guys are so cute!! 🥰
|
|
milo
| @
gasballobsessed
wholesome friendship
kila <3
| @
antiloveparasite
the jasper cult, that’s it that’s the tweet
|
|
luke
| @
badtimelongtime
woooooooooooooooooow
|
|
kila <3
| @
antiloveparasite
don’t whine, milo will tweet ab u
right @gasballobsessed
|
|
milo
| @
gasballobsessed
actually i was going to tweet ab jane
|
|
luke
| @
badtimelongtime
valid of u babe jane deserves all the hype
|
|
jane
| @
theactualinternet
aw, thanks guys!
quinnwitted:
we all know that i love committing to a bit
benjamin18:
yes
gasballceo:
no, really?! 😲
quinnwitted:
BUT
jasperofficial:
there’s a but??
quinnwitted:
i need to delete twitter i think
benjamin18:
you know that oliver already banished leon from the dreamscape right
jasperofficial:
i thought you couldn’t alter the dreamscapes anymore???
gasballceo:
bestie i was determined
jasperofficial:
you’ve got to elaborate on that
gasballceo:
benny is exaggerating
gasballceo:
we didn’t banish him we just…
benjamin18:
gave him access to the multiverse and sent him off to the same dreamscape that james is currently living in
jasperoffical:
oh my dad is going to destroy him
gasballceo:
that’s the plan!!
quinnwitted:
you taught leon tusk how to be a lucid????
benjamin18:
taught to be a lucid, force fed apples until he ended up somewhere else, who’s to say
quinnwitted:
i demand details someday but also that’s not why i need to delete twitter
jasperofficial:
oh??
quinnwitted:
i am trying to be conscious of my digital footprint
gasballceo:
says the guy with the active cult leader account
benjamin18:
can you actually call that active he doesn’t post there anymore
jasperofficial:
once a month he makes a circle post just to make sure that it doesn’t deactivate
gasballceo:
that’s iconic
gasballceo:
why am i not in the circles
jasperofficial:
honestly i think i am the only one who is
quinnwitted:
i should probably delete that account too
jasperofficial:
????????
benjamin18:
quinn are you feeling okay??? jasper take his temperature
jasperofficial:
he’s not home
gasballceo:
quinn turn on your notification
gasballceo:
if you’re crying in a mcdonalds play area again i swear i will figure out how to alter dreamscapes again just to destroy mcdonalds
quinnwitted:
that seems like a disproportionate reaction but i support it fully
quinnwitted:
deserved tho since they didn’t give me a job
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
me when @gasballceo threatens to obliterate mcdonalds bc i had a breakdown there one (1) time
|
|
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
technically i only threatened to do that if you had a breakdown again
also answer the gc tf??
|
|
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
no
jane
| @
theactualinternet
get you a friend who threatens to destroy a multibillion dollar company for you
|
|
oh gorgoblox…
| @
lumberstan
i said i would physical fight mr colonel sanders himself for u that time you got food poisoning
|
|
jane
| @
theactualinternet
and it’s not that i don’t appreciate that mal but i got food poisoning from carl’s jr
gasballceo:
?????????????????????????????????????
quinnwitted:
damn can’t a guy try to get a job around here
benjamin18:
to clarify you did take “cult leader” off of your resume before you started applying correct
quinnwitted:
yes
benjamin18:
okay just checking
jasperofficial:
i didn’t know you were applying for jobs?
quinnwitted:
i kinda need one
jasperofficial:
you do?
quinnwitted:
i mean like. yeah?? you’ve all got jobs
quinnwitted:
you make like a million deliveries a day, oliver is constantly working on writing, benjamin
benjamin18:
do you know what i do
quinnwitted:
yes
benjamin18:
go on
quinnwitted:
science
benjamin18:
what kind
quinnwitted:
the cool kind
benjamin18:
i’ll allow it
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
if you ever want @benjamin18 to get off your back, just tell him that he does “the cool kind” of science
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
| @
benjamin18
physics IS cool!!
|
|
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
it’s math playing dress up
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
| @
benjamin18
you write a science fiction show. that’s just physics playing dress up
quinnwitted:
you’re a physicist
gasballceo:
omg when he has twitter notifs on for you
benjamin18:
okok back to the job thing
quinnwitted:
you all have jobs
quinnwitted:
i feel like i don’t contribute
gasballceo:
you are our personality hire
jasperofficial:
you contribute so much
quinnwitted:
if not for my lucid abilities robert peterson and william would not have a house
jasperofficial:
yeah why did you let them keep the house
quinnwitted:
i was their cult leader and i kinda just abandoned them
quinnwitted:
it was that or koolaid
benjamin18:
dark
quinnwitted:
sorry
gasballceo:
imagine if the jasper cult was a death cult that would be crazy
benjamin18:
by definition, yes
jasperofficial:
what kind of job do you want @quinnwitted
quinnwitted:
something that will pay me
jasperofficial:
mood
jasperofficial:
i think one of our delivery girls is leaving for college soon, i could ask my boss if he’d hire you!!
quinnwitted:
idk jasp i feel like this is smt i need to do on my own
jasperofficial:
why?
quinnwitted:
…because i rely on you guys all too much and i want to be able to help myself and help you sometimes
benjamin18:
buddy
gasballceo:
oh that’s his Ellie Voice
quinnwitted:
how can you possibly know that when he’s typing one singular word
gasballceo:
have you ever heard him call anyone but Ellie “buddy”
quinnwitted:
touche
benjamin18:
two things
benjamin18:
first of all we all rely on each other that is what friendship is, just because we rely on you differently than you rely on us doesn’t mean that we aren’t helping each other all the time
benjamin18:
second of all you are literally a lucid
quinnwitted:
yes??
benjamin18:
and just because oliver & i can’t change this dreamscape anymore doesn’t mean that YOU can’t
quinnwitted:
???
benjamin18:
give yourself a job if you want
benjamin18:
or just infinite money
benjamin18:
it literally doesn’t matter nothing is real
gasballceo:
in an astrophysics way or a philosophy way
benjamin18:
both are relevant
Jasper
| @
jasperofficial
✔︎
the dream team group chat can really go from “i need a job” to “nothing is real” in record time
|
|
Dudepants
| @
gorgoblox5001
that’s just what job hunting be like
|
|
milo
| @
gasballobsessed
FELT
quinnwitted:
doesn’t that feel unethical
benjamin18:
doesn’t your existence
jasperofficial:
too far??
quinnwitted:
no no he’s right
quinnwitted:
also maybe kind of literally god
quinnwitted:
is this like going to confession
gasballceo:
i’m pretty sure priests don’t tell you to sin
quinnwitted:
counterpoint: that one scene in fleabag
gasballceo:
if that’s a sin i don’t want to go to heaven
jasperofficial:
you guys need to stop talking about religion thinking about an afterlife in the context of the multiverse existing makes my head hurt
benjamin18:
sin isn’t real either
gasballceo:
so the priest from fleabag is absolved
benjamin18:
idk is that for me to decide that feels like something he should decide
gasballceo:
should i put a hot priest in lumbersweats
gasballceo:
hey quinn do you want to play a hot priest in lumbersweats
gasballceo:
there’s a job for you
quinnwitted:
i would kill it as a hot priest
benjamin18:
i do think we should circle back to quinn feeling like he relies to much on us
quinnwitted:
i just want to be able to give you good presents
gasballceo:
fuck you i love the handmade handprint coaster you gave me last year
benjamin18:
Ellie still thinks that little bead lizard you made her in the coolest thing in the world
jasperofficial:
…….is this about my mom’s birthday????
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
is now an appropriate time to make a “your mom” joke
|
|
Oliver Queen 🏹
| @
gasballceo
no
quinnwitted:
your mom
jasperofficial:
what
quinnwitted:
nvm yes it’s about her birthday i just want to thank her for being so great to me
jasperofficial:
make her a card
quinnwitted:
://
jasperofficial:
no i’m being serious
jasperofficial:
she has kept every card anyone has ever given her and i catch her rereading them sometimes, she’ll love it
jasperofficial:
don’t tell her i told you this but she snaps a picture of you everytime she sees you crafting she thinks it’s so sweet and cute
quinnwitted:
really??
jasperofficial:
why would i lie
gasballceo:
that’s so sweet wtf
gasballceo:
for the record i also love quinn crafts
benjamin18:
i don’t take pictures every time but i do have several of you colouring with Ellie
benjamin18:
it’s very cute
quinnwitted:
wtf i want those pictures
benjamin18:
remind me to send them when i’m not actively at work
quinnwitted:
you guys are too kind to me
gasballceo:
not kind enough apparently
gasballceo:
“i rely on you too much” literally impossible anyway
quinnwitted:
<3
jasperofficial:
<3
benjamin18:
<3
gasballceo:
<4
Keep Your Quinn Up
| @
quinnwitted
dream team group chat
that’s it, that’s the tweet <3
Chapter 22: the childhood dreams arc
Chapter Text
gasballceo: i want to go to new york city
benjamin18: sure
benjamin18: why
gasballceo: because this reality is made up of the dreams of your seven year old self and therefore i’m pretty sure that if i crawl into a new york city sewer i will get to meet the teenage mutant ninja turtles
quinnwitted: what the fuck
benjamin18: i’m pretty sure that’s not how that works
gasballceo: i have 100% for sure without a doubt dreamt about donatello and if dreams are real that means he is real
quinnwitted: i would’ve pegged you as a michaelangelo guy
gasballceo: raphael is my favourite, actually. benny likes mikey
quinnwitted: oh that tracks
jasperofficial: what are you guys talking about???
jasperofficial: ninja mutant turtles??
gasballceo: no way
gasballceo: NO WAY
gasballceo: BENNY THIS IS FURTHER PROOF
benjamin18: i really don’t think this is how it works
quinnwitted: i mean…jasper did grow up at the same time as the rest of us. it would kind of weird if he wasn’t at least aware of tmnt, if it existed as a show here…
benjamin18: i refuse to entertain the idea that there are mutant turtles living in the new york city sewer system
quinnwitted: oh, but you’ll accept the long-dead memory of your second grade substitute teacher’s son?
benjamin18: you cannot keep playing that card all the time man
ollie-ver
| @gasballceo
thinking about transformers. more than meets the eye.
|
|
kila <3
| @antiloveparasite
what are you talking about
|
|
ollie-ver
| @gasballceo
.@benjamin18
|
|
don’t call me b*nny
| @benjamin18
stop it
jane
| @theactualinternet `
please stop sending me screenshots of oliver’s tweet i’m already working on it
|
|
dream team updates
| @dtupdates
this is why everyone things you’re me, you’re so on it
|
|
meelo milo
| @gasballobsessed
i swear i’ve heard of transformers but i can’t place it
benjamin18: first tmnt, now transformers, what’s next? are you going to try to track down GI Joe?
gasballceo: don’t be stupid, benjamin
gasballceo: you can’t ‘track down’ the GI Joe, they’re an elite and secret military force. i don’t want them waving their guns in my face
jasperofficial: okay, you’re starting to worry me now
quinnwitted: don’t be!! all of these things are children’s toys/tv shows, in most dreamscapes at least. and they must be the same in oliver’s dream too, otherwise he wouldn’t know that they exist if they aren’t shows here
jasperofficial: which would make mutant turtles and secret military operations real HERE, right?!
gasballceo: and giant alien robots from space who turn into nice cars to disguise themselves among us
benjamin18: not always nice cars
gasballceo: usually nice cars
quinnwitted: guys, please
it’s good, quinnit?
| @quinnwitted
petition for @gasballceo to stop
|
|
eat the rich
| @japplehater
stop what??
|
|
it’s good, quinnit?
| @quinnwitted
just stop
|
|
oh gorgoblox…
| @lumberstan
signed. i’m still mad about the lack of s6 news
|
|
ollie-ver
| @gasballceo
that’s not my fault 🥲 take it up with @netflix
Jasper
| @jasperofficial ✔︎
sometimes i wish i knew less things
|
|
william
| @hoodiejasper
felt
|
|
robert
| @jasperinthecap
felt
|
|
peterson
| @orangejasperpuffer
felt
ollie-ver
| @gasballceo
pick your poison
[giant alien robot cars - 14%]
[heroes in half-shell - 8%]
[obscure military operation - 11%]
[what on earth are you talking about - 67%]
|
|
dudepants
| @gorgoblox5001
is this a lumbersweats thing 👀
|
|
ollie-ver
| @gasballceo
sure let's go with that
Lumbersweats
| @netflixLSATSMC
BREAKING: Netflix renews LUMBERSWEATS AND THE SWEET MEAT CHRONICLES for a SIXTH AND FINAL SEASON. Oliver Todaro, creator and showrunner, quote: “It’s been a dream to tell this story, and I can’t wait for you to see it through to the end.” Read the announcement here: [LINK]
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dudepants - IN MOURNING
| @gorgoblox5001
the high of interacting with oliver todaro, the low of this announcement,
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meelo milo
| @gasballobsessed
would you say that those highs and lows are epi— [gunshot]
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oh gorgoblox… (pained)
| @lumberstan
how dare you make reference on this, the day of our child’s passing,
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luke
| @badtimelongtime
i mean, there is still a whole season left to come???
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dudepants - IN MOURNING
| @gorgoblox5001
blocked
Jasper
| @jasperofficial ✔︎
oh :(
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kila </3
| @antiloveparasite
WERE YOU NOT WARNED??
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Jasper
| @jasperofficial ✔︎
Oh, no! I was! I just secretly hoped he was joking :(
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henry
| @busybees
me since i saw the announcement
benjamin18: now that you have actual work to do again are you going to let up on children’s cartoons thing
gasballceo: the truth is out there
benjamin18: alright, mulder, whatever you say
quinnwitted: does that make you scully?
jasperofficial: who?
gasballceo: :0!!!!!
jasperofficial: I’m kidding! I know the x-files
benjamin18: come on jasper you can’t do this to him
jasperofficial: it is the only defense i have against your lucid weirdness. you cannot take this from me
Jane
| @theactualinternet
hey @gasballobsessed did u ever remember where you’d heard of transformers?? i haven’t been able to find anything decent
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meelo milo
| @gasballobsessed
oh idk i think my cousin sam might’ve mentioned it at some point. but he’s really into cars so maybe that what he was talking about 🤷
eat the rich
| @japplehater
is anyone going to talk about @quinnwitted ‘s display being a joke about english slang
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it’s good, quinnit?
| @quinnwitted
my mum is english 🏴 go football 🏴 long love the queen 🏴 jagUar 🏴
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don’t call me b*nny
| @benjamin18
the queen is dead
Chapter 23: the swearing arc
Chapter Text
quinnwitted: so i told him that i like him better than ryan and he told me that was bitchy
quinnwitted: i didn’t mean to be bitchy
jasperofficial: i mean that is his brother. so i get why he might be offended
benjamin18: yeah i think it’s the phrasing
gasballceo: wait what the flip why were you hanging out one on one with alex
quinnwitted: oh forget about my thing did you just say what the flip ??
gasballceo: i have decided to give up swearing
benjamin18: why
gasballceo: one of my aunts said that only creatively bereft people swear
quinnwitted: and you believed her????
gasballceo: no ofc not
gasballceo: but she was complaining about lumbersweats and said that she didn’t understand why i couldn’t use “made up” swears since it’s a science fiction world
jasperofficial: she was complaining about lumbersweats? the show that is entering its final season? why is she bringing this up now?
gasballceo: so i’m trying to prove a point that made up swears lack the same punch
benjamin18: glad to see you’ve accepted the ending, jasper
jasperofficial: i have not
quinnwitted: so we can expect to see you using fake swears for how long
gasballceo: at least a month
quinnwitted: i will start the betting a $20
benjamin18: i am morally obligated to not bet against my best friend
gasballceo: thank you benny
benjamin18: you should ask the cult tho i bet they’d join you
gasballceo: betrayal
william / @hoodiejasper
everytime we start a bet, peterson turns into a bookie
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
and you will be grateful that someone is keeping track of everything when you win
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
rigged!!!
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peterson :) / @orangepufferjasper
i would never how dare you
raviollie / @gasballceo
shocked appalled offended hurt
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alex!! / @dudepantsalex
do u want to borrow the dictionary
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raviollie / @gasballceo
maybe
don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
tired worn down exhausted fed up
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raviollie / @gasballceo
are you calling me exhausting
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
well if the shoe fits
jasperofficial: wait. hold on.
quinnwitted: waiting
gasballceo: holding
benjamin18: waiting and holding
jasperofficial: does ‘yartmap’ count as a made up swear or not?
gasballceo: FRICK
gasballceo: see it just doesn’t have the same impact
quinnwitted: we all already knew that
jasperoffical: i am putting it to a vote
Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
did you get in trouble for saying ‘yartmap’ in school
[yes - 83%]
[no - 13%]
[i never even tried - 4%]
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raviollie / @gasballceo
okay but consider, for me,
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
hmm… what do you think @benjamin18?
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i think yartmap is considered a swear here
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meelo milo / @gasballobsessed
here???
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kila :) / @antiloveparasite
maybe they mean ‘in english’?
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luke / @badtimelongtime
as opposed to italian, which oliver famously speaks
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raviollie / @gasballceo
i actually do speak italian :)
raviollie / @gasballceo
this may prove harder than i thought
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
@orangejasperpuffer what does this do to our odds
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peterson :) / @orangerjasperpuffer
oh, i factored this breakdown in two weeks ago
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william / @hoodiejasper
the bet has only been on for eleven days
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
:)
gasballceo: me: so what do we think of the new script
killian: what the **** is a ‘jungo-faced hexelkin’
me: it’s new swears :)
benjamin18: no chance killian went for that
quinnwitted: see your problem is that ur a jungo-faced hexelkin
benjamin18: me or oliver?
quinnwitted: oliver
quinnwitted: idk wtf he’s talking about but i know he’s an idiot
jasperofficial: this reminds me of elf and i do not want to think about elf in april
gasballceo: killian did not want to help me make my point
benjamin18: that’s because killian’s job is to make sure that your show is successful
gasballceo: my show is ending anyway
jasperofficial: don’t remind me :(
quinnwitted: look what youve done. uve made jasper sad
gasballceo: i really cannot help that netflix cancelled my show
gasballceo: also like. i have hit the natural conclusion anyway
benjamin18: i was going to say ‘you’re being a lot more chill about this than i expected’ but somehow i think this swearing thing is a terrible coping mechanism
gasballceo: i am a good writer
quinnwitted: no one said you werent???
gasballceo: and yet.
gasballceo: such is the life of a creative
benjamin18: second guessing everything about yourself and your art?
gasballceo: yes
quinnwitted: felt
benjamin18: love being in stem
jasperofficial: felt
Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
get me out of this house @dudepantsalex will NOT stop playing the same twelve seconds of a song over and over and over and over
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alex!! / @dudepantsalex
and it’s a banger what about it
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Thing 1 / @dudepantsryan
i don’t even recognise it
also hey when did you change your display
quountdown / @quinnwitted
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
you good man?
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quountdown / @quinnwitted
👍
benjamin18: okay i can’t deal with both quinn and oliver having a crisis at the same time
jasperofficial: is quinn having a crisis? he’s seemed okay to me
gasballceo: you realise we are in this chat, right?
benjamin18: y’all hear something?
gasballceo: ha ha ha
jasperofficial: oh, you mean his tweet
jasperofficial: he hasn’t mentioned anything to me… @quinnwitted is everything good?
quinnwitted: YEAH
quinnwitted: yup
quinnwitted: everything’s good here how are you guys how is oliver doing with the no swearing thing i feel like he must’ve broken by now
gasballceo: …what
quinnwitted: i mean it’s been like what three weeks
gasballceo: twenty-seven days
gasballceo: and counting
gasballceo: why are you being weird
quinnwitted: i am not being weird ur being weird
gasballceo: well yeah but that goes without saying
jasperofficial: if you don’t pick up my calls i will put you on blast in the group chat
quinnwitted: i swear on my life that everything is fine
benjamin18: swear on jasper’s life
quinnwitted: what
benjamin18: if you really mean it swear on jasper’s life
quinnwitted: i swear on jasper’s life
gasballceo: kay so he’s fine
benjamin18: now you
gasballceo: i swear on jasper’s life that i’m fine ???
benjamin18: not what i meant but okay
jasperofficial: wait what did you mean?
benjamin18: oliver. are you feeling better about your writing stuff. are you ready to stop this swearing thing
gasballceo: oh yeah i’m fine
gasballceo: the writing thing is a constant low-level struggle against The Demons but we’re doing good currently
gasballceo: now the not-swearing is simply a point of pride
benjamin18: see i don’t love you saying it’s a “constantly low-level struggle against The Demons” what does that even mean
quinnwitted: no i get it
gasballceo: thank you quinn
benjamin18: why do i even bother
jasperofficial: bc we love them
william / @hoodiejasper
day twenty-nine and oliver hasn’t broken…i think i am losing the bet
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
no you’re not :)
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robert / @jasperwiththehat
RIGGED!!!!!!!
gasballceo: do we count a month as 30 or 31 days
jasperofficial: i feel this is something you should take up with peterson
jasperofficial: assuming it is bet related
gasballceo: of course it is. i am Tired by hitting a month is now a point of pride
benjamin18: have you actually managed it at work?
gasballceo: technically yes
quinnwitted: how
gasballceo: by getting the writing team to fix the lines that make no sense
quinnwitted: how has killian not fired you
gasballceo: he can’t fire me i’m the juice
benjamin18: …sure
Quinn City / @quinnwitted
Stream my debut original single ‘Far From The Tree’ wherever you get your music now!
lyrics + guitar by me, production and everything else by @dudepantsalex
[two images: the first, an album cover depicting quinn facing the camera dead-on with a hand covering half his face. the hand is edited to look like wood grain and the words ‘Far From The Tree - Quinn Hill’ run along the bottom of the cover in handwritten font. the second, a series of lyrics in the same handwritten font: “this is the sort of man that i’ll be / now that i’m far from the tree / now that i’m far from the tree / take a breath and release”]
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Jasper / @jasperofficial ✔︎
CONGRATULATIONS!! this is SO cool i have already listened to it seven times
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Quinn City / @quinnwitted
not sure how that is physically possible but i believe you <3
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raviollie / @gasballceo
WHAT
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raviollie / @gasballceo
THE
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raviollie / @gasballceo
ACTUAL
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don’t call m b*nny / @benjamin18
you have like seven hours left
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raviollie / @gasballceo
H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS
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Quinn City / @quinnwitted
you know. for once i think this might actually be MORE impactful
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raviollie / @gasballceo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KEPT THIS A SECRET I’M SO EXCITED
dream team updates / @dtupdates
Everyone go stream @quinnwitted ‘s new single FAR FROM THE TREE, out everywhere now!!
apparently no one but @dudepantsalex, who worked on the production of the song, knew about it!
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alex!! / @dudepantsalex
technically @dudepantsryan knew about it too. he just didn’t understand the hype
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ryan -.- / @dudepantsryan
i didnt know you were PRODUCING the thing
gasballceo: this is cool as … quinn
quinnwitted: aw you think i’m cool
gasballceo: i can’t wait to be able to swear again
quinnwitted: i’m so glad the timing worked out so that you can’t currently <3
gasballceo: I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SING ALONG TO THE BREAKDOWN
benjamin18: i have been :P
jasperofficial: fuck early mornings, honeycrisps, and staring at the sun!!
benjamin18: fuck the boy i was, shout out to who i have become!!
quinnwitted: you guys <333
gasballceo: it’s a really really really good song
gasballceo: can’t wait to sing it properly tmr
gasballceo: new cliffside karaoke unlocked
quinnwitted: oh god please do not sing this at karaoke
gasballceo: too late i gotta
raviollie / @gasballceo
this song is the shit
[image: a screenshot of a music player app, where oliver is listening to Far From The Tree. the repeat button is highlighted to indicate it’s been playing on a loop]
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william / @hoodiejasper
i can’t believe you actually made it a month
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don’t call me b*nny / @benjamin18
i will collect my winnings now @orangejasperpuffer
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peterson :) / @orangejasperpuffer
it’s quite the payout, being the only person to think he could win
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raviollie / @gasballceo
awwwwww <3
dream team updates / @dtupdates
Far From The Tree amassed almost 3000 streams in its first day! one can only assume @gasballceo made up half of them
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jane / @theactualinternet
friendship <3
robert / @jasperwiththehat
friendship <3
[video: the cult is gathered at the cliff. oliver, who cannot sing, is belting Far From The Tree with incredible, awe-inspiring passion. the camera pans to reveal quinn, covering half his face with a hand. it does nothing to disguise his blush, or his smile.]
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marianara_sauce on Chapter 1 Mon 15 Mar 2021 05:09PM UTC
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TheSunsBeenQuiteKind on Chapter 2 Fri 09 Apr 2021 05:37PM UTC
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TheSunsBeenQuiteKind on Chapter 3 Fri 09 Apr 2021 05:43PM UTC
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TheSunsBeenQuiteKind on Chapter 4 Fri 09 Apr 2021 05:55PM UTC
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GreetingsFromSpaceWhale on Chapter 5 Thu 04 Jul 2024 05:04AM UTC
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FlippinFloppin (freakinflipflop) on Chapter 5 Tue 15 Apr 2025 12:35AM UTC
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Chlorinewaters on Chapter 9 Tue 30 Aug 2022 03:42AM UTC
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Chlorinewaters on Chapter 11 Tue 30 Aug 2022 04:42AM UTC
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