Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He’s always liked him. Sukai admits he’s always been attracted to Shosei. Even when they got into a heated disagreement when they debuted, Sukai only thought better of him afterward. They’re two peas in a pod, the same yet so different. Both were raised in a single-mom household, matured more quickly than other kids their age, and always stands with what they believe in… And that’s also why they clashed at first. But Shosei is a sweet soul, and his soft heart overrides his desire to always win an argument, so in their first big fight, it was Shosei who approached first and asked him to talk and sort things out. Maybe on that day, his feelings changed from simple admiration to a full-fledged attraction.

He always thought he was beautiful. He has these soft droopy eyes that make him look like a puppy, and a gentle, soothing voice. Despite his soft exterior, he's a man with fiery determination. Always working hard and doing his earnest, even if he doesn’t get as much attention as others. For Sukai, all these little things simply make him more attractive.

Sukai wasn’t planning on acting on his feelings. After all, it’s also a first for him - being attracted to another guy and all. ‘Being close to him as a friend is enough.’, he thought. He’s afraid to disrupt their current dynamic, afraid to make things awkward between them and the rest of S4. It took him a long time before Shosei finally let down his guard and confided him about his concerns, and he’s not ready to let go of that privilege.

‘I can just look at him from afar...’ he tries to convince himself, as Shosei feeds him another bite of Takoyaki that they shared in his room.

‘...being his friend is enough.’

“Is it good, Kai-chan?” Shosei smiles and asks him expectantly, and his heart feels like it’s about to burst from happiness. In his distraction, a piece got caught in his throat and he started coughing. Shosei quickly comes to his side.

“Oh no! Sorry, Kai-chan! Was it too hot?” he said as he gently pats Sukai’s back and handed him a glass of water. “Are you ok?” he asks Sukai after he gulped a cupful of water and recovered from the coughing fit.

‘Fucking embarrassing.’ was Sukai's first thought amidst getting teary (and almost dying).

“No, no, I’m ok. It’s my fault, I didn't chew properly.” He assures the blonde who was still right beside him.

“You sure?”. Sukai finally realizes how close he currently is to Shosei, his hands still gently rubbing his back and looking at him with concern. Sukai doesn’t know if the redness of his face was because he almost died from choking, or because he realized Shosei was so close, their thighs were touching.

“Yup, I’m good. Don’t worry.” he waved him off in embarrassment.

He almost wants to pretend he’s still not okay if only to keep him there for a little bit longer. But his heart is currently pounding so fast, and he was determined to keep his feelings to himself. Their current predicament is testing his limits, though. Yet he doesn’t want his feelings to get in the way of their budding friendship.

“Ah, that’s good then!” Shosei says as he stands back up to return to the other side of the table. “Kai-chan, you’re so clumsy.” He already misses his warmth.

Shosei reaches out for his share with his chopsticks, and they eat in companionable, comfortable silence, allowing him to calm down.

He likes it this way, Sukai thought. These little moments that only the two of them share. Even if it might not mean anything to Shosei, Sukai treasures every second he spends with him.

“Ne, Kai-chan…” Shosei starts as they finished their last piece of Takoyaki.

“Hm?”

Shosei stares at his empty plate, hesitating for a while before finally speaking, “Can I ask something?” he looks at Sukai, eyes sparkling. Who can say no to that?

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Have you ever… Confessed before?” Sukai gulps nervously. 

“Hmmm… Sure I did. I guess a few times in middle school and high school?” Shosei perks up at that with sparkling eyes.

“Why did you ask?” Sukai continues, curious now. Suddenly shy, Shosei avoids looking at him, hesitating for a moment.

“Ah… I see…” he fidgets with his used chopsticks, “Was it a friend?” Shosei continues.

“Yeah. One of them was from the same class.”

“…a close friend?” now Shosei is looking at him, eyes hopeful. Somehow, Sukai feels like he's being interrogated.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He scratches his head, embarrassed. 

“Weren’t you afraid of… you know? Ruining your friendship?”

"Well, I did end up getting dumped. But we're still friends now."

"I see… Kai-chan is brave." he softly spoke, playing with the strings of his hoodie, lost in his thoughts.

“Why are you suddenly asking?” Sukai inquires. Curious, cautious, nervous… He doesn’t know what to feel right now, but as his good friend, he wants to listen to his concerns.

“Ah. Well… There’s someone I like….” Sukai subtly gulps, hands getting cold. Shosei avoids eye-contact as he continues, “…and we’ve started to get very close recently… And, I don’t know if I should confess or if I should just keep it to myself? I’m just afraid of ruining our friendship… I kind of like our relationship now.”

'Well, fucking same.' At that point, Sukai doesn’t know if it’s Shosei he's talking to, or he was seeing himself from a mirror in a lucid dream, talking to his reflection.

“I guess you can try to show your feelings? See if it’s reciprocated. Then decide later if you will confess.” He was talking on autopilot. Giving Shosei the advice that he so desperately wanted to hear someone to say to himself. Sukai wants to strangle himself for thoughtlessly blurting that out. 

'Did I just set myself up?' Just the thought of Shosei liking someone else is turning his stomach inside out, yet he couldn’t deny his friend who is genuinely asking for his advice. 

“Would you tell me who? Someone I know?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking. Sukai is not sure if he actually wants to know, but he asks anyway. He guesses it’s his way to punish himself for his inaction. For convincing himself and believing that it’s okay to keep his feelings to himself. Today, he realized he actually can’t bear the thought of losing him to someone else. 

Shosei hesitates for a long time, still avoiding his eyes. Sukai feels like he’s been holding his breath for an hour. The silence making his hands cold, heightening his senses. He prepares his heart for the impending heartbreak. 

Shosei’s doorbell rings. 

“Shosei! Sukai! It’s 6 PM! We’re watching a movie, remember?!" they hear Syoya’s voice from outside the door. "Come quickly!" Shion adds.

“Ah, I almost forgot we’re watching a movie.” Shosei softly remarks as he cleaned up their plates. “Please go ahead of me, I’ll clean up first.” He flashes him his signature sweet smile, and he hesitantly left the room, their conversation still festering in his mind. 

Shosei joins them a few minutes later in Syoya’s room. Syoya’s energy seems to diffuse their awkward tension, as he excitedly asks them to choose from his extensive selection of Ghibli movies. They debated on titles for a while, before finally settling with My Neighbor Totoro. Not Sukai’s type, but his friends seem to enjoy it so he just rides along, trying to distract himself from thinking about his conversation with Shosei.

---

To say the next few days have been weird is an understatement. After their talk, they got very busy with practices and schedules. Shosei has become unusually perkier. Not like he doesn’t like it. Of course, not. Sukai loves his smiling face. But Shosei has just been unusually attached to him recently, and now he’s confused about what to think of it.

“Kai-chan, have you memorized the choreography? Do you want me to help?” Shosei offers.

So much for trying to move-on. Sukai thought.

“Ahh… I think I’m good?” Sukai tries to subtly reject him, thinking he needs to distance himself from Shosei. 

Shosei pouts. “Is that so….”, looking dejected.

‘Ah, I’m fucked.’ Sukai hates that he’s too weak to resist that sad face. 

“Ah, but can you help me with this part? I think I look a bit awkward here…” and Shosei finally perks up with that.

That day wasn’t the only instance, though. He also noticed that Shosei talks to him more often now, and even when they have all retired to their rooms, Shosei still messages him on Line before they sleep. To say that he doesn’t like it is a lie, though. A part of him really likes it. It feels like they're dating. But that's also what Sukai hates. It's making him too hopeful, and it might break him when it's finally time to let him go.

His Line rings. A message from Shosei.

“Are you still up?”

“Yup. What’s up?”  he hates that his fingers type before he can even think when it comes to him.

“Well… I just wanted to say thanks!”

“???? For what?” and he legitimately wonders why, because he doesn’t remember doing anything special that day. He hops onto his bed, fresh out of the shower, excitedly anticipating his reply.

“For teaching me how to sing my parts earlier.”

Ah, he remembers now. They were practicing various singing lines ahead of their recording next week. Their lines are usually determined by the producer depending on how well it suits your voice, and Shosei was very determined to get more lines this time. Singing wasn’t Shosei’s strength, but he’s working hard because he knows his fans get disappointed when he only has very few lines in their songs. 

“Ah! That. Don’t worry about it. You always help me with my dancing, so thank you, too.” He couldn’t stop the gloating smile that blossomed on his face, he had to slap himself back to reality. If anyone else would saw him, they’d think he’s like a smitten high school boy texting his crush. And they’re right, he’s fucking smitten. 

“Goodnight, Kai-chan.” sending a cute emote along with it.

Sukai thinks for a while before replying, but he settled with a simple “Night.”, burying his head on his pillow in frustration after realizing he forgot to type Good. ‘Now he probably thinks I’m an asshole. Fuck!’

His phone rings again to his surprise. Shosei sent a voice message.

“All eyes on me

All eyes on you...

*Please stay by my side”

He hears his sweet voice. Suddenly, he feels like he's floating in the air, heart full. It’s the line Shosei said he wanted to have for the song. 

“Sweet dreams, Kai-chan.” sending another cute emote along.

He wished the lyrics were for him. He allowed himself to hope, fading into dreamland with a smile on his face, phone on his chest.

And Sukai certainly manifests all his wants and desires through his dreams that night. The sweetest dreams he's ever had in a long time.

---

Everyone was excited to go home after practice that Friday as they finally have a day-off that weekend. The members eagerly discussed their weekend plans on the way home. Mame-chan excitedly said he’d binge-watch Kamen Rider, and Keigo was going shopping with Junki and Takumi. Meanwhile, he overheard Ruki demanding that he & Sho should start writing their song pledge that weekend, “Let's go somewhere away from the dorm so we can focus.” he said. 

Sukai smirked at his boldness, ‘As if that’s the only thing he wants to do.’. 

Mame overheard them and stuck his head in between the two from the back, “Ehhhh? Where are you going? I can’t join? That's unfair Rukicchi, I wanted to watch with Sho-kun…” Mame pulls his puppy eyes at the two, knowing they’re powerless against that. 

Sukai slept the rest of their way home at the farthest back corner of the van. 

“Sukai.” is he dreaming of Shosei again?

“Kai-chan.” When he heard that voice so close to his ear and felt a nudge, he jolted awake, a little bit flustered. 

“Sorry, did I scare you?” Shosei smiled. They’re the only ones left inside the van already parked in their apartment. He could faintly hear the voice of the other members noisily retiring to their rooms. It's only him and Shosei, he realized, ‘Even Naoto has left', he glanced at the driver's seat.

Shosei was still leaning close to him, one hand holding the arm that he nudged. His heart pounds a little faster,

“Naoto-san went ahead. We were trying to wake you up, but he was rushing for the toilet, so I volunteered to stay and wake you up.” he giggled as he showed him the keys of the company van, which Naoto hastily left with Shosei before he ran to his room.

He could smell the sweet fragrance of his shampoo, mixed with the scent of fresh spring flowers, a scent that is naturally Shosei. He feels intoxicated, being so close to him. “Let’s go back?” Shosei grabs his hand, and Sukai follows him like a lost puppy, reveling in the softness of his palms.

‘Am I still dreaming?’ He asks himself. This all felt like a lucid dream, too good to be true. 

When they reached his front door, he realizes Shosei accompanied him all the way there. The rest of the members already inside. Sukai was still half-awake when he followed Shosei back to the apartment. Now he's looking at him expectantly, and he’s not sure what to do.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Shosei softly speaks, looking anywhere but him as he scratched his neck. Is he blushing?

“Uhh, not really. I was just planning to sleep in,” he responds, voice still slightly raspy from slumber.

“Then, can you accompany me tomorrow? I wanted to go to this photography expo, but everyone else has plans…” Shosei’s hand grabs his, lifting them in a pleading gesture. Sukai then realized they were still holding hands, and now both of Shosei’s hands are holding his. It was now his turn to blush.

“Ahh. Sure, if you want.”

“Yatta! Let’s leave at 11? I’ll call you at 10.”

“O-ok…”

“See you tomorrow!” Shosei exclaimed as he giddily skipped to his room, waving at him on the way.

He entered his apartment in a daze. Standing at the genkan for a few minutes, “Did he just ask me out?” he asked himself as if it was going to speak it into reality. 

His phone rings. A message from Shosei.

“Don’t forget. I’ll call you at 10 tomorrow to make sure you’re awake!”

*ding*

“Goodnight, Kai-chan.”

Once his brain finally processed the situation, he allowed himself to fully smile, his fangs poking out. “It’s a date.” He whispered, as he happily prepared his bath. 

He happily retired to bed. His dreamless sleep felt too long this time. He couldn’t wait for the next day.

Chapter Text

The lack of sleep took its toll on him. He was probably too excited that he couldn’t sleep right away. And when he finally woke up, it was because Shosei was ringing his doorbell. He shot right up from bed, falling on the way.

“Sukai!” Shosei called from the door, ringing his doorbell multiple times. “Are you awake?”

“Fuck. What time is it?” Sukai peeks at his phone, shocked it was already 11:15, with 5 missed calls from Shosei. He was planning to wake up earlier than 10 so he has time to prepare for their date, but he doesn’t have much time left anymore.

“Kai-chan... Can you open the door?" The disappointment in his voice was palpable. Not wanting to disappoint him further, rushed to the door, bed head and all, ready to apologize for waking up late.

He was surprised to see Shosei looking at him with a panic-stricken face. "Sukai..."

"I'm so sorry... But can we cancel going out today?" he looked at him with apologetic eyes. Sukai tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"...If it's me waking up late, I'm so sorry, I wasn't able to--"

"No no, that's not it."

"I'm sorry for canceling last minute. It's not your fault. I... I just can't leave today." He explained, tears welling up in his eyes, pouting to stop himself from crying.

Sukai felt cheated. He's just helpless against his pretty eyes, and when he's about to cry like that, his focus automatically shifts to try to make him feel better.

"It's ok... What happened?" he gently holds his face at arm's length, brushing away stray tears that escaped his eyes. "Hm?"

"Shion has a fever... Everyone else is out today. Naoto-san is also not here, so if I leave no one will look after him. Sorry for not telling you earlier."

Sukai finally had the time to assess Shosei. He looked disheveled, still in his cute pajamas, dark circles around his usually sparkly eyes. His disappointment now turned into worry. "You haven't slept yet?" his eyes gesturing to sleepwear. "Ahh... Yeah. I guess..." he guiltily scratched his head.

Sukai exhaled loudly, not bothering to hide his frustration. "And you didn't tell anyone that he was sick?" Shosei nodded. "Why?"

"Well... He didn't want to worry everyone else. He knew they all had plans today so--"

"But why didn't you tell me?" He didn't know if he has the right to feel mad at the moment, because he knew Shosei meant well. He's just frustrated that he tends to neglect himself when taking care of others. "I'm sorry, I--" he didn't mean to sound mad at him. He was just worried.

"Have you eaten yet?" he gently sighed, eyes softening as he tucked a stray strand of Shosei's hair to his ears. He shook his head no.

"Can you do me a favor then?" he looked up at the taller male, eyes expectant.

"Wash up, change and take a nap. Otherwise, you'll be sick too. I'll check on Shion and I'll wake you up for lunch." he cut him off before he could protest, "consider this as payment for canceling on me. Ok?"

Shosei finally nodded in agreement after considering his suggestion. He does feel a little tired.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him. Go rest first." with a little bit of hesitation, Shosei finally retired to his room.

Sukai quickly wash his face and changed before he went to Shion's room. As usual, his bedroom was in disarray, but there seems to be more chaos than usual. Shion seems to be sleeping soundly under his covers, a towel on his forehead. He took the towel & small bowl from his bedside, to replace it with a fresh one. He took the thermometer still on the bedside and checked his temperature first.

"Seems like he still has a light fever". He thought while replacing the towel on his forehead. He's now listing his to-do list on his head, send a message to the managers, buy some medicine, make lunch... Yep. A lot to do.

"Shion?" he softly nudged him. "unghh" he grumbled. That's a yes in Shion's language.

"I'll just quickly buy food and medicine, ok? There's a glass of water beside your bed if you need it. I'll be back." softly ruffling his bedhead, Shion only grunted in response.

Sukai worked quickly and efficiently. Being the only son in the household and getting a regular job quite early made him more mature than his peers. He swiftly freshened up to go out and was able to inform the managers of the situation within a few minutes. He went to the nearest drug store to get the medicine and passed by a nearby katsu store for a take-out. Coming back to the dorm within 45mins, proud of himself for finishing his errands quickly.

"Shion?" he called out while removing his shoes in the genkan. He decided against waking up Shosei so he can rest a little longer.

"Ungg..." Shion grunted as he rose to sit up from his bed, his stomach growling. "You must be hungry. Wait a minute..." Sukai proceeded to prepare his take-out for Shion, carefully placing them in a small tray.

"Thank you Sukai." Shion said with a voice still groggy from sleep before he ate his food. Sukai proceeded to clean up his room a little while he was eating, noting the usual Shion mess around his room. He finished just in time Shion finished his meal. Sukai checked his temperature again and gave him his medicine.

"Your fever has gone down. Are you feeling better?" he asked as he touched Shion's forehead to check for his temp.

"Ung. I'll just sleep a bit more..." he yawned, probably sleepy from the medicine. "You got us worried there. Rest well, ok?" he ruffled his hair before he rose to collect his food tray to wash.

It was already 1 PM. It seems like Shosei still isn't awake. He went to his room and knocked a few times, but didn't get an answer. He tried to open his door, and was not at all shocked he forgot to lock it again. He quietly went inside his room and set their food on Shosei's low table while he was still quietly sleeping. So cute Sukai thought, peeking through his bangs while he set the table, seeing him hug the purin plushie Syoya gave him last year.

"Shosei?" he gently nudged him. He only scrunched his nose cutely in response. "Shosei.." he nudged a little harder, "it's time for lunch." that seemed to startle him awake, sitting up suddenly.

"Oh no! I overslept! Ah, Shion!" Shosei panicked.

"Don't worry, I took care of him. His fever is better now. He took his medicine and his just resting. Let's eat before it gets cold." Sukai sat up and went to his side of the table. Shosei finally saw the table already set up with food, seemingly amazed, "Wow! You prepared all this?" he asked as he sat opposite Sukai, eyes sparkling from hunger.

"I wish I can say yes, but I just bought these. Let's eat!"

"You're amazing Kai-chan..." he said very softly that Sukai almost missed it. "Thank you for the food!"

Although the weekend didn't turn out as planned, he was still happy he was able to spend some time with Shosei. Seeing him happily eat was enough to make him happy. "Did you sleep well?" Sukai asked while watching Shosei happily eat the last few bites of his meal. "Mm!" he agreed, gulping down some tea, "thanks for helping me today Kai-chan. And sorry for canceling on you." Sukai just smirked, showing his sharp fangs. "This isn't free, you know." he teased.

"Ehh? Uhh... I promise I'll make it up to you!" Sukai reached out and wiped away the crumbs on Shosei's face, making him blush a little.

"...and what will you do in exchange?" he teased him further, loving the way his face was tinged in pink. "Anything Sukai wants!" he hurriedly answered, flashing him with his genuine smile.

"Anything huh..." Sukai thought for a little. "Well then, I have one in mind!" Shosei looked at him attentively, awaiting his request.

"One day, if I need you, you should come right away when I call you."

"Ehh? That's it? Okay then, I promise!" Sukai snickered at his cuteness. He gently ruffled his soft hair and got up to clean up their dishes. "Ah! Sukai, you don't have to I'll take care of it." Sukai just ignored him and proceeded to take the dishes to the sink. "Don't worry and just rest for a little longer. You didn't get enough sleep."

Shosei just watched his back from his seat, amazed at Sukai's efficiency. Sukai felt his eyes on him, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Stop staring." he shyly complained. Shosei only giggled.

"I was just thinking, your girlfriend will be lucky."

"What do you mean?" he eyed Shosei suspiciously, thinking he must be teasing him. "Well... You're very reliable, thoughtful because you remembered which katsu I like to order, and...." Shosei pretended to think for a moment, exaggerating his thinking gesture. "...and?" Sukai asks expectantly this time. Shosei whispered something very softly while shyly looking away, and unable to hear it, Sukai pushed further, "what did you say?"

"Mou. Your back looked like it was nice to hug while you were doing the dishes, is what I said." Shosei quickly blurted out. Sukai paused for a moment, absorbing the information and happy about what he heard.

"How about the front?" he teased. "Well... Kinda ok?" Sukai pouted at his answer. "So I only look huggable from the back? That's mean!" he teased him further, liking his panicked reaction.

"Then..." Sukai turned his back from Shosei, opening his arms wide. "Then hug me." he declared with no ounce of hesitation. In truth, his heart was beating fast and his face was red from his boldness. He was only able to say it because he wasn't looking at Shosei in the eyes.

"What...?" Shosei was taken aback by the sudden request.

"You promised me earlier right? You'd come right away when I call you."

'Ahh! That.' Shosei remembered.

"Don't tell me you're breaking your promise right away?" he didn't hear him reply or move, and just when he was ready to turn around and tell him it was just a joke, he felt his warm arms wrap around him from the back.

"Thank you for today, Kai-chan." He whispered with his cheek resting on his back. Sukai felt like he was about to combust. He was sure he must be beet red by now, mildly thankful Shosei couldn't see his face but also disappointed he can't hug him back. He can only hold the arms wrapped around him for now. 'Next time,' Sukai thought. He knew it was selfish to take advantage of Shosei's pure heart like this, but he couldn't help it. When it comes to him, he wanted to be a bit more selfish.

"It was nothing." at that moment, Sukai genuinely wished he had the power to freeze time.

Chapter Text

Shosei was raised in a female household. He was always surrounded by females – his single mom, his grandmother, his sisters, which is why he can confidently say that within JO1, he understands women the most. And maybe that was the problem. He understands women, but men… He doesn’t understand as much. There was no father figure in his life growing up, and the closest adult male figure he looked up to were his dance teachers. Aside from that, he always had the impression that men were shit in general. ‘They’re mostly messy, rowdy, loud, and most importantly, the men in my mom’s and sisters’ lives have mostly been shitty, too.’, he thought. Many a time he had been in physical fights with other kids when he was younger simply because he found how they treated women appalling. He just couldn’t let such disrespect happen in front of him when he was raised by women with all the love & tenderness one could give.

When he became a trainee for a local entertainment agency, that was the only time he was surrounded by mostly males. It was sometimes difficult for him to adjust. Although he looked like a soft pudding from the outside, he has a rather strong sense of justice and solid principles. Contrary to his looks, he has a personality that won’t back down, yet because he was on a dance scholarship with the company, he was careful not to get into fights lest gets sacked. In a way, that helped him learn about diplomacy & communication, but he still can’t figure out men as well as he does women.

For others, that might sound like good news – and it really is, for the most part. But the problem is, the person he likes is a man, and for the life of him, he doesn’t know what to do. First of all, he’s never liked a man before, and second, he’s also one of his best friends. Their friendship wasn’t built overnight, and so he treasures it with utmost care – he doesn’t want to disrupt the current dynamic they have for the sake of his selfish desires.

“Shosei, are you ok?” Ren asks as he put his hand on his shoulder. He was probably spaced-out again, the older thought.

Shosei scratches his head, embarrassed. That’s probably the 5th time that day he spaced out during their dance practice. His feelings for this person have only been growing day by day, and no matter how much he wants to keep his feelings to himself to maintain their friendship, he ends up mulling over it every day, like a festering wound left unattended.

He sighs.

“Sorry, Ren-kun.” He starts, “I’m just tired lately.”

Ren nods, understanding. He knows Shosei isn’t the type to slack off just because he was lazy. There must be something bothering him for him to be this distracted.

“You do look pale. I think you should go ahead and return to the dorm first. You can use more rest.” Ren suggests.
“Ah, but that would be troublesome for you guys…” he looked at the members in the practice room, embarrassed that his private issues are getting in the way of work.

Sho overhears the conversation and adds, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll call Naoto now so he can take you back. Rest well ok? Your health is more important.” with his genuine, warm smile, as he proceeds to dial Naoto.

“Sorry, everyone.” He bowed to the members in thanks for being understanding.

From the corner of the practice room, a pair of sharp, worried eyes follows him as he quietly left the practice room.

---
Going back to the dorm gave him a little more time to reflect and think. He even called up one of his hometown friends to get advice. He took this time for introspection and to consider his options in his head.

He's not sure if his decision is right, but he figured he couldn't live his life with "what ifs" in his mind. He was ready to be rejected, but he's doesn't want to lose their friendship, considering they work together, too. Shosei thought about all the gentlest ways he can go about this that will not make it awkward for both of them.

Before he knew it, it was 11 pm and all the members are back in the apartment, as indicated by the ruckus in the hallway.

"Hurry up and ring the bell," he heard someone talk from outside his door. Their apartment's soundproofing isn't the best.

"No, you do it!"

"Maybe we should let him rest first?" a deeper voice added.

"C'mon, it's not like Shosei will punch us if we check on him...." the voice paused. "...or will he?" it was followed by a long silence.

Shosei snickered hearing this. It was sweet of them to worry about him and found it funny how they knew not to mess with him too much or he'll literally punch back.

He decided to surprise them instead and pushed open the door.

"Boo!"

Syoya and Shion screamed in surprise, while Sukai snickered on the side.

"Shosei! You surprised me! Are you feeling better? Can you play with us tomorrow?" Syoya excitedly asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay now. I just needed some rest is all." he smiled at his friends. His complexion looked better compared to earlier, so they determined he's telling the truth

"Have you eaten?" Sukai asked, concern written on his face.

"Yeah, I had food delivered earlier. Don't worry, I'm really fine! Tomorrow I'll be 100% back to normal!" he tried to say in the most energetic voice he could muster, even considering that he was nervous being in front of the person he likes.

"Great! Come play with us after practice tomorrow ok! We'll play in my room!" Syoya excitedly declared.

"Alright, will do. See you all tomorrow, then!" Shosei knew they must be tired from the day's practice and sent them off.

They waved their goodbyes as they slowly filed out to their rooms, but one remained in front of his door.

"Shion-kun, is there anything you need to --"

"Here!" Shion blurted out in typical Shion-fashion while handing him a bag from Family Mart, taking the older by surprise as usual. "What is this?" he asked as he gently took the bag from him.

"Ah, well, snacks." the younger said, looking away scratching his head.

"Oh! Than-", "Good night!" Shion quickly said and left for his room before he can even finish his thanks, leaving the older puzzled.

Shosei sat on his low dining table, opening the bag Shion gave him. Inside was pudding, ice cream, and his favorite chips. 'How thoughtful' Shosei sighed as he opened and ate the pack of ice cream before it melted, opening the TV to mindlessly watch shows on the background.

Finishing his favorite snacks, he leaned back on his bed from the floor and smiled to himself, feeling contented with how the day turned out. Today, he is more sure of his feelings than before, and with renewed vigor, he decided to face his feelings from tomorrow onwards.

He stared at the empty packs of snacks he devoured a few minutes earlier, smiling, 'and this is why I like you,'.

He opened his Line and sent him a message,

'Thanks for the snacks! I finished it all. Good night! ε(*´・ω・)з'

As expected, Shion only replied with a funny good night sticker.

'Tomorrow,' Shosei thought, 'I'll see you tomorrow.' He let out a yawn and stretched on his bed, ready to sleep, excited see him again tomorrow.

---

'Hey.'

'Yo.'

'Did you give it to Shosei?'

'Yup. He just messaged, he said he finished it all.'

Sukai sighed in relief. At least he's feeling good enough to eat. He was really worried that he also got sick.

'Thanks, Shion!' Sukai sent, followed by a bowing sticker.

'Sure. But give it yourself next time, it's embarrassing!' Shion sent an angry sticker, but Sukai knowing he's not actually mad, only sent a sorry sticker back.

'I'll treat you next time. G'night!'

'Tomorrow,' Sukai thought, 'from tomorrow, I'll do things myself...' with renewed determination, he turned off his night lamp and went to sleep.

Chapter Text

He noticed that he's become clingier than usual. He's not sure what the  problem  is, and he's utterly confused about what's happening. In his over-thinking brain, he considered that maybe he broke one of his favorite Rem figures. But he checked his collection and found that his  wives  were fine, complete, and cute as usual. 

On a normal occasion, he would've been fine to just ignore and pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary. However, how can he not mind it? Every time the blonde clings a little too close to him or talks to him a little too long he receives a  murderous  stare from his other teammate. 

'Ugh. Why am I suddenly involved in a lover's quarrel?'  Shion thought.

Any time soon, Sukai would probably pull him off to the side to talk. And he's not looking forward to it. Contrary to his rough exterior, Shion isn't the confrontational type, and he'd rather settle things as peacefully as possible.

But looking at how Shosei is currently sleeping on his lap on the practice room's sofa while he's playing games, this sure isn't going to end well.

Even without looking, he can still feel Sukai staring daggers at him, chilling his spine. 

Sukai stands up from his position at the other end of the practice room floor and heads in his direction.

He's got to fix this situation before it escalates.

"Shion," Sukai starts quietly, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Shosei up.

"Yo."

Sukai looks at him, and then to Shosei, and looks back at him again. And before he could take a breath and say his next words,

"Help me out Sukai." Shion said in a panic. 

"My legs are dead and I need to go to the toilet. Can you wake him up?" he offers.

"You let him sleep there, why don't  you  do it?"

He could feel the venom in his tone. Shion rethinks and gulps in panic.

"I... I'm scared of him." 

Sukai looks at Shion in confusion. 

"Look, last time Sho asked me to wake him up while he was napping, he elbowed me hard, it hurt! He was probably dreaming, but I have trauma from that." he blurted a half-true lie to save his ass. 

'Makes sense...'  Sukai fondly remembered that Shosei threw him a mean punch when they fought back when they just debuted.

"Can you like... switch places with me?" an irresistible offer for Sukai, Shion thinks. "Sit here and let him nap on your lap instead. Nature's really calling me," Shion exaggerated, but if that gets him out of this situation safely, then so be it.

"Alright. If you say so," Sukai says, acting nonchalantly, but Shion knows he was happy about the offer.

Sukai carefully takes the manga off Shosei's face and puts it aside (his angel probably fell asleep while reading). He carefully lifted his head and motioned Shion to go.

"Thanks, dude," Shion left the scene as quickly as possible.

---

Shosei wasn't sure if he was dreaming, but he remembers that he sneakily rested his head on Shion's lap while he was busy playing with his switch. He pretended to read a manga, sneaking glances on his face here and there. He was quite happy about it and the progress he's made. After all, he was determined to  show  him his feelings. And he hoped he was obvious enough.

He didn't notice that he fell asleep. His eyes were still closed, but he was woken up by a sweet and gentle voice humming to a song and softly smoothing his hair. The song sounded beautiful, and with the soothing caresses on his head, it was quite hypnotizing that he almost fell asleep again, until his brain registered something:

This voice  wasn't Shion's.

Shosei shot up in a panic, sat straight, and checked who he was sleeping on. 

"Good morning," Sukai chuckled and reached out for Shosei's face, cleaning up traces of sleep in his eyes. 

"Oh, it's Sukai." He calmed down after seeing a familiar face.

"Were you expecting someone else?" Sukai asked, trying his best to mask his disappointment.

"Oh, well, I... Sorry, I thought I accidentally slept on a manager-san or Naoto-san or something! Glad it was you," 

Shosei is confused. He was pretty sure he was sitting with Shion earlier, and that he laid on Shion's lap before he fell asleep but...  His sleep-muddled brain and tired body probably just imagine all of that , Shosei thought.

"Sorry, did I drool on you or something? Your legs must hurt... you should've woken me up!" Sukai just chuckled, "It's alright. You're not that heavy. Besides, " 

Sukai reaches out again and Shosei almost ducks in panic, but he just tucked a stray hair into his ears, making him blush from the sudden close distance.

"How can I wake you up when you looked so peaceful," Sukai flashed a debonair smile, showing one of his fangs, effectively increasing his heart rate. 

Sexy.  Shosei could feel his face heating up the more he stared. They're close enough that he could feel the heat of his breath.

'Wait, what.'   Shocked at his thoughts, Shosei suddenly shoved Sukai  hard . Despite being taller, Shosei was strong enough to send Sukai to the opposite end of the sofa.

"Oh, sorry!" Shosei didn't intend to shove too hard.

Sukai just chuckled. "It's alright. If you're awake now, let's go. The other members are getting their new costumes fitted. It should be our turn soon."

Sukai stood up and reached out his hand to help him up. Shosei obediently held his hand and followed him, not realizing they kept holding hands until they were each taken by their stylists.

---

Shion might not be the smartest of the members, but he's pretty in tune with the feelings of the other members even if they don't say it to him directly. So when he noticed Shosei's change in attitude towards him, he understood what he was trying to do. 

In another situation, he might've found his attempts quite adorable. Like slipping his favorite snacks or Lifeguard in his bag, or waiting for him to come out of his room when they have a schedule so that they can go together in the company car.

That's why when Shosei asked him one day to go to a park (where Shosei frequented when he went for a walk),

"I want to give you something,"

"Eh? What is it? It's not yet my birthday though?"

Shosei scrunched his nose in annoyance. 

"It's a surprise! C'mon. Anyway, meet me there ok? Bye!" Shosei said as he ran back to his room after practice.

He knew something was up. 

And he's not exactly excited about the implications of what might happen.

---

Shosei sat on his favorite bench. This local park was very quiet at this time of the day. He knows because he frequents this place when he needs to quickly unwind. 

He brought other members here before as well, mostly because he wanted to show them the beautiful sunset view from his favorite spot. 

Shosei checked his watch for the fifth time that day. 5:25 PM. He only had 5 minutes more until their agreed meeting time. He's getting more anxious, imagining all possible things that could go wrong.

'No Shosei,'  he told himself  'Don't worry too much and just do it!'

He opens his LINE and sends a message,

'Hey,'

'Let me know if you're near'

'I just arrived. See you at 5:30!' 

(Lies, he was already there an hour before)

He locks his phone and anxiously taps his foot to the beat of the song he was playing. A 5-minute long song to time it perfectly. 5 minutes more of waiting.

And the 5-minute long song looped 3 more times. 

And then 3 more times.

And then another 3...

The sun's sky is painted a beautiful orange, the crest of the sun about to disappear from the horizon.

3 minutes left, and it will be the 10th loop of the song.

He called him 5 times, but he didn't pick up.

Maybe he was busy, maybe he was sleeping, maybe he was playing games.

But whatever his reason was, he couldn't help but feel pathetic at the moment, alone in the park watching the sunset. 

His phone finally vibrates and he hurriedly unlocks it.

A group chat.

Shion: hey everyone

*sends a hello sticker*

'Unbelievable',  Shosei thought

Shion: anyone wanna join me and Syoya on next week's 2 days off?

Mame: Where to?

Shion: Universal

Mame: Can I join?

Shion: *sends a le's go sticker*

Shosei pathetically looks at the two Disney tickets he has in his hands, scheduled for the same day off.

He grits his teeth, clasping the tickets in his hands.

The song finishes for the 10th time. 

Water droplets fall on the back of his hand.

"What now, is it raining too?"

Shosei looks up at the sky and realizes the sky was clear. It wasn't rain, because he can now feel the droplets flow down his cheeks.

Shosei finally stands up, heading towards the railing where he planned to show Shion the sunset because he's never seen it from that vantage point before. He looks at the beautiful view to help calm his nerves down.

He couldn't believe that the first time he asks someone he like out would also be the first time he gets stood up.

Shosei lets out a long sigh. He didn't even send a message to apologize. 

He turns around to take his bag and prepare to come back home.

"Shosei!" 

Shosei freezes in shock and confusion. He turns around,

"S... Sukai?" He sees Sukai running towards him from a distance.

"Sorry, I'm late!" Sukai breathlessly says while he catches his breath.

Shosei could only stare at him in confusion,

Once Sukai managed to catch his breath, he started to guiltily explain himself.

"Stupid Shion just told me 30 minutes ago that you asked me to meet here. I just came from the gym and he didn't even call me to say it! So had to change and rush and run as quickly as possible here, but then again I shouldn't have changed anymore because I was late but... Shosei?"

In his desire to breathlessly explain himself for being late and express his sincere sorry, Sukai finally looks at Shosei and gets caught off-guard with his red, tear-strained eyes.

'Oh, I fucked up.' Sukai thought.

"Shosei," Sukai steps in closer, and Shosei, realizing he saw his tears, bowed his head and tried to secretly wipe his tears away. Sukai's heart was still beating fast for having to run to get there, but the pain he's feeling right now doesn't have anything to do with that.

If being late was a crime that would make his angel cry, he's more than ready to turn himself in and beg for forgiveness.

"Shosei, I'm so sorry. I... I didn't mean to be late, It won't happen again, I promise." 

Wordlessly, he pulls Shosei into his embrace and rubs his back affectionately to calm him down, whispering his apologies as the smaller buries his head in his chest, softly crying.

"Stupid" he hears Shosei whisper as he hit him softly on the chest, and Sukai gladly accepted the 'punishment'.

When Shosei finally calmed down and his tears subsided into soft sobs, Sukai pulls himself away from his warmth, reaching out to hold his beautiful face in both of his hands to gently wipe his remaining tears with his thumbs.

"Are you ok now?" Sukai asks, looking straight into his eyes.

Shosei sobs and nods.

'God, he's pretty even when crying,' Sukai tries his very best not to kiss him then and there.

"Shion said you wanted to give me something,"

"Yeah, I did..." Shosei smiles, but he feels a painful stab in his chest.

"Here" He hands him a pair of Disneyland tickets which he almost crushed in his hands earlier. "Will you go with me?"

Sukai takes the tickets and reads. It was dated on their upcoming 2-day break. 

"Of course, I will! You don't even need to ask!" 

The elation filled his heart up so much that he felt he was about to burst.

'Tickets for just the two of us'  , Sukai couldn't help but smile.

"It's getting dark now, let's go home together?" Sukai asks, and Shosei just quietly nods.

The trek back to their dorm was pretty quiet, but Sukai walked at the slowest pace he could manage. Shosei held on to the hem of his shirt tightly as they walked, looking like a child who was afraid to get lost. 

He first sent Shosei to the door of his room.

"Have a goodnight," Sukai says as he turned to leave.

"Sukai," he hears Shosei call before he was able to take his first step.

"Thank you," Sukai tilts his head in confusion. Thanks for what? He was so late that he made him cry, AND he even received a gift. 

"For meeting me there. Good night," 

Sukai finally sees Shosei's most sincere smile that day. He smiles back at him until he disappeared into his room.