Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

♦ It hurts, Kabane.
Waiting hurts and I don't know why. ♦

The evening wind chases coolly up under her hood, bringing a light whistling to her ears that she cannot escape. Kabane's voice still seems to be in her head, stoic and direct, when he said he liked Inugami. It's not a problem that Kabane likes someone else – at least that's what Kon tells herself, because everything around her seems far more complicated than she can understand. The ache in her chest bites incessantly with the ignorance that prevails because she has never felt like this before. Not even when Inari pushed her off. She wanted to be her number one, but it feels different towards Kabane. Looking at him makes her happy. Seeing him with someone else, on the other hand, hurts.

She would love to eat Aya. Just like she tried to do on the last mission when Kabane stepped in to protect her. Because he had to do it for a friend. Still, it seems unfair.

Would he save her if she got into trouble?

Displeased, she purses her mouth, pulls her legs close to her chest on the thick branch she is sitting on and waits. As she always does, until she falls asleep. Until the next morning comes and Kabane might think of her and drop in, though he never comes to see her unless the evening has fallen. Still, she waits. Because she is stupid and waiting is her best quality. Kon is patient.

It's a simple decision that makes her close her eyes. Kabane's voice rushes through her ears again. “Inugami-san,” he had said. What had she been expecting?

Her ears twitch briefly under the hood before her tail wags indecisively. She pushes Inugami's name from her conscience, recalling all the times Kabane has said her name. Kon.

Kabane and Kon.

Doesn't sound bad, she assures herself, letting herself fall into the dreams that come for her late at night.

Somewhere in the background she can hear the rustling of leaves, Kabane's clear voice, which triggers joy inside her until she opens her eyes once more and looks down at the ground. She isn't expecting anyone, not this evening, and yet Kabane's haunting eyes stare at her. To her amazement, he holds his hands against the tree and she knows what he will do if she doesn't come down.

It isn't as if she will refuse. Today there is no reason to.

She comes down to him with a bright smile, landing gallantly on her hands and feet, and immediately feels heat on her skin, tingling through her chest. Kabane, opposite her, looks at her questioningly, as always not very expressive, but somehow attentive. Not even Inari has ever looked at her so attentively.

“What are you doing here?” Kon brings out, eyeing Kabane and dares to follow the attraction to him. She likes being close, feeling his breath on her face, because sometimes she is afraid of imagining Kabane.

“You disappeared all of a sudden. Is everything all right?” His head tilts slightly as the next breeze sweeps over them both, carrying the unpleasant smell of bugs to Kon.

Aya is stuck on him.

Her disgusting smell takes over Kabane as if there is no place for Kon in his world. Frustration driving her ears down before she lowers her gaze.

“Is she going to come around more often?” Kon inquires, unsure of what she really wants to hear.

“Aya?” He pronounces her name differently from Kon's. Maybe it's the intonation, but it sounds softer coming out of his mouth than hers. “She wants to open a clinic to help others. She'll probably come around more often.”

Of course she will, it runs through Kon and she can't help but see the differences. She herself is strong, but Kabane seems to like girls he can protect. Adding to that, Aya has a goal bigger than what Kon has set for herself.

“I'm sure you're excited because she helps so many others.” For a moment Kon takes a step back, turning away as the muddy feeling in her chest seems to suffocate her.

“It's good that she helps others,” Kabane confirms tonelessly, the same sound as always, the subtle nuance in that he really means it.

“She can help you.” And Kon could rip her to shreds for it – without even knowing why she finds this bug-girl so loathsome.

“Kon?” Indecision reaches Kabane too, perhaps worry because he doesn't understand. Heck, she doesn't even understand it herself.

“Kon wants to help you too, Kabane,” Kon presses out chokingly, feeling the heat on her cheeks cool horribly in the next breath as tears slide to her chin and drip in thick beads onto her clenched fists. “How else is Kon going to be your number one?”

“But you're strong, Kon. You can help me with that too. Just different from Aya.”

“Is that good enough?”

He nods.

“Really?”

Again he nods before moving closer to her. The uncomfortable feeling in her chest eases, becomes light and pleasant again, lovely, the way she knows it. But the lightness reaches her head for a change when Kabane doesn't stop and instead encloses her in a gentle embrace. The warmth of his body is contagious, pressing pleasantly against hers. His arms take away all her freedom and although it would be constricting in any other case, she enjoys this affection of another. Kabane's affection. Being number one suddenly seems possible. It seems like a wish that can come true as she tastes her own tears on her tongue and Kabane sets off fireworks in her chest.

But when his touch subsides, passes loosely, she recoils.

She bangs her head against the trunk of the tree that provides support behind her. Perplexed, she shakes her head, still feeling the tears on her cheeks and noticing the moonlight on the horizon. She is still sitting on the branch, alone and without Kabane.

A glance down leaves no doubt that he isn't there. Probably never was, and yet she wonders what happened.

It takes her a breath – or four – to understand that Kabane was just a dream.

Her dream. Of which only the memory remains. He is not there, won't come.

So Kon puts her head on her drawn knees again and starts waiting.

Because she is stupid and because waiting is her best quality.

Kon is patient.

Even when it hurts.

Chapter Text

♦ Kon, you deserve an apology.
Just like you deserve a smile. ♦

When he wakes up, he's alone. Shiki has already got up, Akira is also missing and silence lies lonely in the walls that enclose him. His gaze fixed upwards, Kabane doesn't make a face, thinks of nothing – at least in the beginning. In the next breath, there is Kon in his thoughts.

Her blonde hair neatly tied into two braids, while tears run down her cheeks. Big beads he has never seen before.

Of course, he has seen others cry before, but never has he felt another's tears to be so beautiful while in the same breath he was so helpless. The answers to the cases he faces everyday are light compared to Kon's tears. Light compared to the question of who he loves.

Akira painstakingly explained it to him a night later. A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you love. But not in the way you see family or friends. It's a different kind of affection that you don't really understand until you've felt it.

Yet Kabane doesn't even know what it's supposed to feel like. Akira's explanations were too woolly to really understand.

A fast heartbeat, sweating, nervousness, the difficulty of finding the right word or the problem of not being able to sincerely say what you mean.

At the same time, a lot of movement leads to a racing heart and sweating. In addition, Kabane has never been nervous. He has never had to searched for the right words. But if he believes Akira's words, then Shiki is probably in love with him. And with Akira.

Kabane straightens up with verve, stretching his limbs before picking himself up from the floor and following the daily routine of personal hygiene. Things he gives time to, as Inugami has instructed him to do.

Then he faces the others, the chirpy back and forth between Akira and Shiki, who are already arguing loudly with each other. It's been like this since the beginning and it doesn't bother him, never has, because it's what he's used to.

“You need to stop spending all your damn money on clothes! If you would do that, then you wouldn't be broke by the middle of the month!” Outraged, Shiki thrusts his hands to his hips, snorting audibly as Akira stamps one foot stubbornly.

“Just because you always wear the same clothes and don't care about your appearance doesn't mean everyone has to!”

“Oh, Kabane, you're awake too.” Beside him, Inugami's placid voice builds, bringing into focus an image that looks relaxed in contrast to the other two's argument. With a coffee cup in hand, he watches the proceedings with raised eyebrows and a little weariness in his gaze.

“What are they arguing about?” Kabane finally inquires, relying on Inugami because he's probably been keeping an eye on all this for a while.

“Akira wants a new stuffed animal for some collection. But he's out of money and asked Shiki if he would buy it for him. Shiki declined and this is the result.”

With an understanding hum, Kabane tilts his head. “Why doesn't Akira just buy it next month?”

“Because it's limited!” interjects Akira all at once, looking both exasperated and annoyed. “Li-mi-ted! There won't be any next month for sure!”

“You should have thought about that before you spent all your money on clothes!” Shiki brings up tensely.

“You don't know anything about fashion!” Without further ado, Akira turns away from Shiki and folds his hands in front of his chest. Kabane regards it with silence in his mind. It's often like that. Empty because there's no point in permanently questioning everything.

“Kabane-kun, can you lend me money for the stuffed animal?”

“Kabane definitely won't lend you money for that stupid stuffed animal!” Shiki's voice seems to roll over as it travels loudly around the room. But Kabane has already tuned him out, not taking all these things too seriously. He doesn't buy himself anything with the money because he doesn't know what to spend it on, so helping doesn't seem wrong.

“How much do you need?”

“Kabane-kun!” The enthusiasm in Akira's voice lights up the room for a few moments as he comes running and gratefully clings to Kabane's arm. This, too, he is already used to. Physical contact he hasn't received before, and even as it is, he barely notices it on his skin. As if most of him is numb.

Except for that one time when he put his hand to Kon's cheek.

Even through the glove, he could feel her warmth, feel her nestle against his touch. It was a different feeling from the other sensations that wash over him when Shiki or Akira come into contact with him. Even Aya feels different at his side than Kon.

The argument between the other two seems to be coming to an end when Kabane fades them back in and notices the exasperated sigh on Shiki's part. Akira, on the other hand, is still sparkling at him with wide eyes, grateful and always ready for compliments.

“I can see why you're so popular, Kabane.” As if to confirm himself, Akira nods slowly. “Girls love it when you give them gifts. And even though I'm a boy, getting gifts has its charm.”

“Girls like gifts?”

“Of course!” Instructively, his conversation partner raises his finger. “Jewellery most of all.”

Jewellery.

Kabane has never bought or worn jewellery, apart from the pendant he wears. Added to that, he has never given gifts. But according to Akira, gifts have a certain relevance to friendships.

“But the important thing is always that they come from the heart and that you have put some thought into what you give,” Akira finishes his torrent of words, which Kabane has overheard in its entirety. Because it seems unimportant. Only the end of the lesson gets him anywhere. The gift must come from the heart.

In an instant Kon comes back to his mind. Kon, whom he once forgot, even though she caught fish that they could have eaten together. Kon, who shed tears because she wants to be his number one.

He should give her something. To apologise. And to make her happy.

Because girls like presents.

And Kon is a girl.

Chapter Text

♦I don't know what love is.
But if it tastes like it feels, then I'm probably in love. ♦

“What is this?” she asks, although she knows exactly what it is but still cannot understand it. A bracelet, beautifully tied, made of leather, decorated with colourful beads, rolls across her palms as if it couldn't be more foreign. It is different from the jewellery Inari wears, not shiny, but it has a familiar smell of animal about it that isn't half as nauseating as the feeling of biting cold on her skin.

“A bracelet,” Kabane returns curtly, tilting his head. “You've never seen one before?”

“O-of course Kon has!” she snaps back, pressing the small gift protectively to her chest. For whatever reason, though, it feels good to know it's so close to her. Because it's from Kabane and because he gave it to her. “I was just puzzled.” Pouting, she lowers her fox ears. “Do you want Kon to look after it?”

An affirmative sound escapes his throat as he nods. “It would be a shame if it tears.”

“Then Kon will look after it. For how long?” she asks, because the situation seems quite simple and yet strange. She's a fox and even if she's not smart, she's strong and Kabane has said she can help him with that. If he wants her to protect something, she will do anything to make it right. Because she doesn't want to be a disappointment. Kon can also make herself useful.

Kabane, meanwhile, seems genuinely surprised by her question, raising his brows as his gaze remains unchanged on her. “As long as it makes you happy. If you don't like it anymore, you can throw it away.”

“Throw it away?” The thought runs through her like a painful blow to the shoulder. She would rather keep it than throw it away, even if Kabane no longer has any use for it.

“It's yours,” her counterpart adds, almost seeming as if he has nothing more to do with this bracelet. “What you do with a gift is your decision.”

A gift. For her.

Kon has never received a gift, never received love, just because she was thought of. Inari usually allows herself to be given rich gifts, but that's a skill Kon doesn't have, and one she doesn't understand to this day, because Inari's power is too great. Except today.

Today Kon has become a little stronger – at least that's what it feels like when she feels the happy throbbing in her chest and notices the fluttering restlessness behind it. A bit as if Kabane's bracelet has special powers that inspire her and at the same time make her throat tight, because she is overcome by this strange relief that she hasn't been completely forgotten. Someone is thinking of her.

The breath finds its way falteringly across her lips all at once as she feels the burning wetness in her eyes and can no longer control the gentle wagging of her tail. Heavy swallows rasp in her throat before her hands clutch the gift tighter.

“Is everything alright? Kon?” Kabane's sudden concern hits her the very next moment, making her realise again that they are face to face and that she can't possibly start howling again. So she opens her mouth, wanting to say something, but finding no words. What do you say when you have received something without asking for it? What do you give back?

Her thoughts circle, her cheeks seem hot, the restlessness makes her nervous. For a whole breath that seems like an eternity before Kabane puts a hand to her cheek and the anxiety slowly fades.

“You said this would help last time,” he explains quickly. “What happened?”

The invisible cord around her throat seems to loosen slowly as she nestles into his hand and moves a little closer. First a step, then another, until she is close to him and can helplessly rest her forehead against his. It doesn't make all this any easier to understand, but for a moment they are connected.

“No one has ever given Kon anything before,” Kon finally admits, then closes her eyes. “Are you sure you want to give it away?”

“I am,” she hears Kabane's determined voice. Even though his face shows no emotion, she knows how he means his words. “Akira said that you give gifts to those you like.”

“So you like Kon?” In a flash she opens her eyelids, looking into Kabane's piercing gaze as she pricks up her ears. There's nothing wrong with being liked, and as he hums almost naturally in approval, the fireworks inside her seem the most beautiful thing she's ever felt.

“I care about you,” he says shortly afterwards. Few words that nestle like balm against her soul.

When was the last time someone told her how important she was? Inari must have said it. Until Kon became useless and ballast, so Inari threw her away.

A thought that hits her.

Kabane might throw her away too if she doesn't return the favour.

“Kon?” Cautiously, Kabane takes a step back before taking her face in both hands. “I don't know why, but I know what you're thinking about.”

“You can read minds?”

“No, but I have a feeling something is bothering you. Unlike Shiki and Akira, you're easy to read.”

She doesn't know if that's a good thing, but his closeness gives her temporary support.

“We're friends, Kon. I'll always be there for you.” His grip remains gentle, but she can feel the emphasis in his touch. He means it, knows she's afraid of being thrown away.

Even as she clings to hope, there is still pain when she thinks of Inari. A quiet voice telling her that she is no longer needed. Only when it comes to Kabane does it remain silent.

“Even if Kon is not that useful or can do much?” Unnerved, she wrinkles her nose, presses her lips together.

“Even then.”

For a moment she just looks at him, grateful that he is conveying something she can't place and yet likes. One of many components she genuinely approves of. She likes talking to him, likes being understood and she loves his closeness. She loves Kabane's presence, the fact that he gives away more love than he will probably ever get back. Indeed, she loves these little things as much as she loves good food.

Her heart races, the warmth under her skin wraps everything in cotton wool and for a blink of an eye there is this strange question running circles in her head. If she loves his presence, his closeness and his touch, does she love Kabane too?

Briefly she examines him from top to bottom before placing her hands on his and carefully releasing her head from his grip. Looking at him makes her happy. Talking to him takes away her loneliness. Sometimes she dreams of his smell, his closeness, the affection in his actions, while his gaze remains almost expressionless. But is this love?

Upset, she takes a step back, ruffling her hair so that the hood slips off her head.

“Kon doesn't know...” she murmurs, then shakes her head before noticing Kabane's voice. Indistinctly, because her own thoughts are louder and all at once the ignorance drives her mad, because the comforting feeling in her chest is suddenly on fire. She looks uneasily at her hands, notices the pointed nails and also the bracelet Kabane has given her. Because it is important.

And she looks up.

Kabane is frozen in his movement, clearly unsure how to proceed as Kon realises she isn't much of a thinker.

Does she love Kabane?

Her head is overwhelmed with the question, but her heart says yes. She loves Kabane. But saying it still seems far too big. So she stares again at the bracelet, then at her counterpart. “Kabane?”

“Huh?”

He brings her peace, air to breathe, a desire to be by his side forever. Everything she wants to say to him seems simple all of a sudden as she puts on a bright smile and in two steps is right in front of him again.

“Thank you, Kabane!” she breathes across her lips, combined with an exuberant hug that this time feels a little bit like home.

Chapter Text

♦A place I like?
It's her smile, her behaviour – the warmth on cold days. ♦

“I can't believe these things, those Abura-akago, actually exist,” Akira grumbles as he presses himself harder into the seat. “I always thought they were just scary stories.”

“Really?” Almost sarcastically, Shiki raises a brow, then shakes his head. The rumble of the carriage, up to the ancient temple on the outskirts of the city, brings unfamiliar beat to the voices of the two, which Kabane follows attentively.

Across from him sits Kon, hands clasped tightly between her legs in the cushion as the bracelet keeps demanding her attention. It has a calming effect on her, Kabane may believe that much, but nervousness is written all over her face nonetheless.

“Ah!” Groaning, Akira rests his head against the glass, glancing outside where there is nothing but trees beside a poorly lit path. The sun has almost disappeared behind the horizon, leaving dark streaks in the sky. “I'd rather be at my happy place right now.”

“What's a happy place?” Kabane instinctively inquires. There are many things Akira mentions that he doesn't know. However, dealing with it sometimes makes life a little easier, especially when it comes to communication.

“You don't know what a happy place is?”

“Sounds like a strange place,” Kon adds, can relate to the term at least as much as Kabane.

A moment later, Akira's voice trails uncomprehendingly through the car, before he raises a finger lecturingly and explains blithely, “A happy place is a place where you feel really good. That can be something different for everyone. It can even be someone.”

“But people are not places,” Kabane points out. “Then how can they be a happy place?”

“That...is meant in a metaphorical sense,” Akira continues. “In the same way that a person can feel like home. If you feel fundamentally happy in the presence of another, or associate that person with happiness when it comes to your worries, then that person can be considered a happy place. The same goes for actual places.”

“Hmm...” Silence falls for a moment before Kabane follows up. It's not really hard to understand, but it becomes easier when you have an example. “Shiki, what's your happy place?”

“Huh? My... I don't know.” Perplexed, he grabs the back of his head, unable to hide the delicate blush on his cheeks before he looks out the window. “My mother...” he then whispers, barely audible.

“Mine's the shopping centre!”, Akira contributes, stating the most obvious thing for everyone.

“What about you, Kon?” Without further ado, Kabane turns to the kitsune, noticing her eyeing him carefully before she puckers her mouth thoughtfully. Then she takes a breath, seeming to want to say something, but falls silent the next moment, as if something had occurred to her.

“Kon doesn't know,” she mumbles immediately afterwards, before she too turns her gaze outside.

“And you, Kabane?” Akira's interest remains. It is reflected sparklingly in his eyes, seems to take up the whole interior of the car. So intense that it almost feels strange for Kabane to have to disappoint his expectations.

“I never thought about it before.” Keeping his gaze on the gloves, Kabane tries to picture his happy place. But nothing comes to his mind. Maybe he doesn't have a place like that, because he hasn't found it yet. Probably one day his parents will occupy this so said feeling. He really doesn't know. “I don't think I have one.”

“That's terrible!” it escapes Akira, making him slap his hands over his mouth in exaggeration. “When we get back, we really need to find out which place is the right one for you.”

Akira's words are met only by a wall of silence as the car drives them to the entrance of the temple. Only when the engine stops does movement seem to come to the others, to spur them on again.

Kabane is the first to notice the cool breeze amidst the wooded surroundings, smells the damp earth, hears the rustling of the trees and wonders for a moment if someone might have found their happy place here. At a temple that could hardly have seemed more deserted.

Dark wood adorns the accommodation, coming to the fore like a mighty rampart that leaves impression. It seems as if Kabane's breath is taken away for a brief moment before Kon moves forward with swift movements to take a closer look at the shelter. Suspiciously, she taps against the wood, listening, twitching her ears under her hood.

“Can you hear anything?” He asks, almost too monotonously and at the same time full of interest.

“It's breathing,” she replies, fascinated.

“Breathing? It's alive?!” Shocked, Akira presses his hands to his chest, visibly frightened by the mere thought that the house could be alive.

“It's normal,” Shiki sighs, tucking his hands into his trouser pockets and climbing the two steps to the sliding door, which he knocks on loosely. “Wood continues to work even when it's processed, absorbing or releasing water.”

Relieved, Akira exhales. “Thank God, I was beginning to think we were dealing with a ghost.”

“Abura-akago are ghosts, Akira,” Kabane adds curtly, eliciting a shiver from Akira before someone opens the door and greets them with a smile.

“You must be from the agency. I've been expecting you. Please come in.” A sweeping gesture inside signals the troupe to enter. An invitation they accept one after the other. The priest, dressed in one of the traditional robes Kabane has seen a few times outside of Tokyo, examines them extensively and sceptically as he steps a little further inside – in a simple yet noble manner. The scent of flowers hangs in the air, seductively reaching the senses as a few lamps flicker in the dim glow.

“As you can see, there is no modern electricity here. I rely on the oil for the lamps, for as you have probably noticed, this place is rather dark,” the priest explains in a gentle tone, thrusting his hands to his hips a moment later. “You can look around everywhere here. If you find anything, please let me know.”

“We'll look into it,” Shiki assures him, and Kabane takes advantage of the freedom of the seconds to let his gaze slide.

“Where do we start?” he finally inquires, finding no interest in the barren things surrounding him. “Where do you store the oil?”

“In the basement I have some supplies. But there are also a few barrels in the attic. I had them brought here recently.”

“I suggest that Kabane and I check the attic and Shiki goes with Kon to the basement.” With difficulty, Akira tries to suppress the shaking of his shoulders. “I'm totally against the basement.”

“Then Kabane and Kon will go down there!” interjects Kon, causing something in Kabane to tingle unusually. It coats his skin, ever so gently, until it seems to build up in his face. For a breath or two, until it fades.

A moment later he nods in approval, as pleased with the decision as the rest of the troupe.

Decisively, Kabane takes the lead, crossing the dark wooden floor to the entrance to the cellar. The steps creak slightly under his weight, groan as Kon follows behind him. More oil lamps flicker on the walls, sparsely illuminating the narrow passage and drawing long shadows across the stony floor at the foot of the stairs.

It seems cool in this place, perfect for Akira but less pleasant for someone like Kon. Only because of this does Kabane cast a glance over his shoulder, reassuring himself that the kitsune is all right. But Kon is already faltering in bright excitement to something else, staying alert as she moves into a fighting stance. “Kabane!”

He, too, reacts, looking around hurriedly but can' t see anything conspicuous. Still, the lamps flicker more violently than before until two of them are drowned in the shadows. Darkness spreads further, stirring nothing in Kabane, but releasing a surprised scream from Kons's throat that feels as if she' s sending needles through his body.

Quick as a flash, he turns to her again, noticing at the last moment how she backs away and escapes the clutches of a transparent, yet glowing mass. Without further ado, she trips over her own feet, falls backwards and slams back-first against the wall.

“Kon!”, it escapes him before he can really realise it. At the same time, his legs start to move. With one fist, Kabane takes a swing and before the ghost realises, he strikes. Right through the creature. Still, the body dissolves and disappears for a moment, allowing Kon to catch herself and find shelter behind Kabane.

“Are you all right?” He doesn't care what happens to his surroundings as long as it doesn't affect anyone he cares about. Kon's pale skin, startled, wide-open eyes and rapid breathing seem to infect him, triggering a wave of unruly nervousness that Kabane doesn't bring out into the open. His hands remain calm, his heart beats steadily, and yet something tightens in his stomach that he cannot name.

"What do you want in my stronghold?" Haltingly, a voice thunders out of nowhere before the formless figure presents itself again - this time a few steps away. It seems like a will-o'-the-wisp, luminous yet ghostly. Its torso disappears into nothingness below the waistline, leaving nothing more than assumptions that puff up Kons's tail and make her growl dismissively.

“We're here because oil disappears, which is needed,” Kabane counters boldly.

“Because you're stealing it!” Kon dares to come out from behind Kabane, unsteady on her feet yet willing to fight. She is brave. And he likes that about her, almost as much as her smile.

“I'm stealing it? That's not quite what it looks like! I'm taking it and hiding it for a bad time.” Theatrically, the Abura-akago grabs its chest. “What would this temple do if bad times broke out and there was no more oil for fire?”

“You could talk to the priest about it. It is wrong to just hide someone else's oil without saying anything first.” As if it were self-evident, Kabane grabs the issue by the tail, suggests the most logical thing he can think of. Generally, it seems to be just a problem of communication. Nothing serious that can't be resolved peacefully, especially since Abura-akago are harmless to humans. Still, there is unfamiliar heat in his chest that makes him feel the need to challenge a fight. But Kabane remains silent.

“With the priest? Never! I don't like people and I'm certainly not going to be held up as an attraction!” the thief protests, but raises his hands placatingly when Kon calls forth a flame in her hand. He seems to understand the threat, to detest fire in its mere form and to fear it in equal measure.

“Kon burns the temple to the ground!” Unsure of her statement, Kon directs the flame at him. Nothing more than an illusion, yet enough to intimidate her counterpart.

“All right, all right! Just talk? Whatever you hope to get out of it!” Without further ado, the stranger shoots upwards, straight through the ceiling, and disappears with a puff that is barely perceptibly smothered in the cracks. It's enough to put a check behind the case in Kabane's mind. Upstairs, the ghost will surely encounter Akira and Shiki, who will both do the rest.

Kon breathes a sigh of relief, also takes the heat from Kabane's chest as she turns to him with her ears down. She is visibly displeased. Her eyes turn to the ground as she scrapes the floor with one foot. But Kabane has no capacity for her frustration.

The relief in his chest is strangely inspiring, clinging to him. It isn't hard to understand. He is glad that she is all right.

Her expression, her posture, her manner, all of it is as he knows it. Everywhere and nowhere. It's not a constant that accompanies her and yet it's comforting to be around her. With Akira and Shiki he is comfortable, feels welcome and wanted. But with Kon he feels important in a completely different way. He likes their closeness, the body contact they sometimes share.

A short snort comes over Kon as she resolutely lifts her head and stows her hands in the pockets of her pullover. “Kon did good,” she confirms to herself before tilting her head indecisively. “Kabane? What are you thinking about?”

His thoughts leave him as he looks down at his hands for a moment. “I was thinking about my happy place.”

“The basement?” Irritated, she raises her brows.

“No.” Briefly he shakes his head before looking at her urgently. Before she can move, he takes her face between his hands” "I think you're my happy place.”

Her eyes widen, sparkling in the flickering light, and Kabane can feel the uneven pulse in his fingertips. But he doesn't know if it's his, or if Kon is excited.

“How did you come up with that?” she finally returns, trying to bring light into the darkness that hangs chillingly on them.

Once again Kabane tries to think about it, but can only pick up on the last words. “I like it when you smile.”

For a moment she takes a breath, then gently reaches for his hands before giving him a bright smile, cheeks flushed as her tail wags gently from left to right and back. And for a moment the world seems to stand still. His as well as hers, in which they exist only for each other.

It is reminiscent of the exuberant embrace from last time, which he would love to share with her once more. But he isn't Kon. So he just watches her smile, feels the pleasant warmth in her chest and is sure it's her.

Kon is his happy place.

The place where he feels the best. Even if the best is sometimes strange.

Chapter Text

♦I feel worthless in the face of everything I deem important.
But somehow you are okay with that.♦

“And then Akira and Shiki took the ghost-”

“Uninteresting.” Wincing, Inari seems to have her mind elsewhere, staring holes in the air before turning her attention to Kon. “What about the Lifestone? Do you have it?”

The Lifestone. Kon has forgotten about it. Besides all the strange feelings for Kabane and the fact that the ghost had scared her to death, the Lifestone hadn't been that important at all. And yet Kon knows how important this stone is to Inari and still she accepted the failure so easily.

Concerned, the kitsune lowers her ears. “No.”

“I see.” Inari's enthusiasm is limited, triggering flowing unease in Kon, knowing how important results are to her above all else.

“But Kon can get it, Inari-sama! Next time, Kon will-”

“You will what?” The sharpness in the other's voice silences Kon. “You are more than obviously incapable of giving me what I want, Kon. You're not a good girl.” Briefly, she takes a breath. “By all means, I have no more use for you.”

“Huh?” Disbelieving, Kon blinks once, then a second time. Inari has already been unhappy about Kon failing more often than intended. But she has always left a door open for Kon to rectify – to prove that she isn't useless. After all, the goal still remains the Lifestone, but this time Inari hasn't listened to her promises. Her decision seems clear, seeping ever so slowly into Kon's understanding and tearing something inside her in two.

Her heart throbs restlessly against her ribs, coldness drags across her skin like a shiver, and the pain in her chest chokes her for seconds before she opens her mouth but finds no words.

“You are useless, Kon,” Inari continues. “I've been waiting for you to get me the Lifestone for so long, but all I get from you are empty promises. And not only that. That Tanuki and his gang seem to have grown on you.”

“They haven't!”, Kon brings to her lips in a flash.

“You're lying.”

“No! Kon is a good girl and good girls don't tell lies,” the blonde kitsune affirms, folding her hands in front of her chest as if Inari will hear her. But Inari seems deaf to all prayers.

“You have feelings for this boy, Kabane.” Briefly, Inari shifts her position, crossing her legs differently before waiting with a mocking smile on her lips. “Can you kill him if I ask you to?”

No. The first thought that runs through Kon's mind is equal to an electric shock, though she can't clearly say why. She likes Kabane, but she adores Inari. If the order is to kill him, Kon would swallow the pain.

And that would hurt very, very much, an inner voice picks up. Just like when you waited for him and he forgot about you. You would have died only to wait for him obediently.

“Kon would do anything for you, Inari-sama!” Kon's voice sounds more brittle than it should. Helpless and penned in a situation where she knows that she must obey and yet hopes for something else.

You can't kill Kabane, it tells her in the back of her mind. Think. Think hard.

“And you would fail because you are weak,” Inari sighs meanwhile, gesturing to Kon with a shooing hand gesture to finally leave. “You are dismissed. Be useless elsewhere or I have to get rid of you with my own hands.”

Briefly, Kon sucks in the air, wanting to say something, but Inari's a dismissive look lingers icily in her senses. This time, even the last door has slammed shut and the torment that wraps itself around her heart in an instant, threatening to crush her throat, brings tears to her eyes. Big pearls, running heavily down her cheeks and damming the snot in her nose. At the same time, she turns and runs.

Out of the meeting room of the police station, down the corridor, into the entrance area and from there onto the street.

The grey buildings pass her by without a trace as she runs blindly along the streets, aiming for the only place she knows: the park.

The honking of strangers' cars and the curses of random people patter on her in the distance, but all that is at the foreground, is the fact that she has failed. Ultimately. There is no turning back now.

Tears cool her cheeks, which burn heatedly under all the shame. Again and again she rubs the back of one hand over her eyelids, but cannot stop the wetness. The blurred vision and racing heart make her careless, make her stumble somewhere at the park entrance and make her slam to the ground a few metres later, just before the first bench. Dirt sticks to her all at once, is just as filthy as she deserves.

You've let Inari down, it teases in her mind. You have failed her. Your goddess, your great role model, she just rejected you.

“Kon doens't know what to do,” she howls, slowly bringing herself to a sitting position and burying her face in her hands. “Inari-sama will never take Kon back if Kon doesn't kill Kabane and bring the Lifestone.”

“Kon?”

The sudden voice behind her makes her gasp, briefly holding her breath as she glances over her shoulder. “Kabane?”

“Is everything all right?” His eyes seem opened wider than usual, as if he is worried, and his hurried steps in her direction until he settles down beside her give her a sense of importance. His closeness leaves instant warmth that she can't feel next to Inari, making it clear to her that Kabane is her happy place. Kabane feels like home.

Stupid, what is home anyway, she scolds herself. You never had a home.

And yet Kabane's presence feels exactly like Kon imagines a home to be. Warm and welcoming. A place where you can be by yourself while the world spins and spins and spins.

“Kon?” Once more Kabane speaks to her, letting the kitsune come back to the reality where he has gently placed a hand on her cheek, giving her affection that only he can give. Her tears dry up in the same breath.

“Inari-sama said she didn't need Kon anymore and sent Kon away,” Kon brings to her lips in tears. “What now, Kabane? All the doors are closed. Kon has failed.”

For what seems like an eternity he just looks at her, easing the pain in her chest and arousing a tingling behind it. A comforting feeling that slowly spreads.

“I see,” Kabane finally says. “Perhaps Inugami-san has a place for you.”

“The Tanuki?! No way!” Kon shrieks, raising her hands defensively, but not getting away from Kabane.

“If you don't want to stay with Inugami-san...then you have to stay in the park,” Kabane states soberly.

“Kon can take care of herself and it's not like Kon isn't here most of the time,” Kon returns, but drops her ears. In the end, she would be all alone again. Without a destination and without the certainty that she can seek out Inari whenever she pleases. On top of that, Kabane doesn't always have time to visit her either. This makes the mere idea lonely and she regrets her words in the same moment.

“Kon...is it okay for you to be alone like this? I was alone once too, in a similar way. Shiki and Akira and also Inugami-san and the others have become my friends anyway and I don't want to have to miss any of them,” her counterpart finally explains. “You are my friend too, Kon. I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you.”

It's not okay. Not at any moment, she knows, and the only thing that's special is knowing that despite her failures, there is someone who cares.

“I-If you feel that way, I can come with you,” she finally snorts. “For one night. Until Inari-sama takes Kon back.”

Inari wouldn't take her back, Kon is painfully aware of that. But she doesn't want to be left alone, to end up on the Tanuki's doorstep with nothing in her hands, not knowing if she can be of any use at all. The step forward is only for Kabane.

A thin, barely noticeable smile settles on Kabane's lips, making her prick up her ears in interest, because even if his face seems mostly monotone, sometimes, if you look very closely, he can define himself by it. He seems satisfied with her words as he stands up and offers her his hand, which she takes wordlessly. The warmth in her chest makes her legs light as feathers. Her heart bounces up and down, saddened by Inari's rejection and yet happy at Kabane's kindness.

“Kon?”

“Huh?” Brought back from her thoughts for a moment, she tilts her head.

“You look happy. Are you sure everything's all right?” His brows lift minimally and she nods.

“Why?”

“Inari has rejected you, and yet you look happy all of a sudden.” He sounds confused at her mood swing, letting Kon take a breath with it before she tries to put her feelings into words and fails. She doesn't know exactly what that inside her chest is.

Indecisive, she puts her hand on her chest, feeling the warmth that seems to jump to her fingertips as well. In the end, all she has left for him is the chaos that is actually inside her.

“No idea,” she returns. “But you make Kon's heart happy.” She looks at him insistently. “Maybe because you're there for Kon, even though Kon is not that smart and makes mistakes and Inari-sama threw Kon away because Kon is useless, and also because Kon likes being around you because it calms down.”

“I think it's normal to be there for your friends.”

“Even for the useless ones?”

An affirmative hum escapes him. “Them too. But Akira showed me that everyone has a function that makes them important.”

“And what is Kons?” Kon purses her mouth thoughtfully. There are a few things she's good at, but at least twice as many things she's bad at. And Kabane can't seem to find an answer to that either, letting his head wobble from side to side before he puts himself simply into words.

“I care about you,” he begins slowly. “I think you make me stronger.”

“Stronger?”

He nods again. “If Shiki or Akira are in danger, then I want to help them. I think that makes me stronger. And I think I'm strongest with you.”

Interested, Kon moves closer to him, so close that the tips of their noses are touching and Kabane's gaze seems to look down to her very core. “So you need Kon?”

“I wouldn't say that,” he counters, taking some distance before taking her hands in his. “But you definitely make me do better.”

And maybe that is enough. Just for the moment in which Kon is sure that she has meaning for someone else. That she is allowed to feel at home around Kabane.

And maybe it's okay that she forgets for a moment that Inari has rejected her.

Chapter Text

♦I can't stop thinking about her.
I guess it's her smile that lights my world up.♦

Her warmth against his body keeps Kabane awake, night after night in thought, until sleep usually overtakes him early in the morning. For the past two weeks, Kon has found a place among them all and although her kind brings even more spirit into these four walls, all that remains in Kabane is a mixed feeling of restlessness and contentment that he cannot explain.

Seeing the kitsune every day, knowing that she falls asleep close to his side every night because she'd rather share the floor with him than look for a tree outside, always makes it warm and comforting behind his chest. Happy, somehow, because Kon is that one place for him that Akira told him about. At the same time, her presence makes him uneasy. Sometimes his heart seems to thump painfully as Kon sits there alone, thinking about herself. Other days it feels like a stab in the chest that doesn't really hurt but still takes his breath away uncomfortably.

This time was no different.

Kon's tail lies gently across his legs while her back is pressed tightly against his side. She rests facing away from him, the big fox ears looking droopy and the moon, which falls into the room in bright rays because Shiki forgot to draw the curtain, bathes the fur in cold gold. Kabane has never seen anything more beautiful, mainly because there aren't many things that trigger something in him that takes his breath away. That is, if there are any at all. But Kon, in the face of the moon, is beautiful.

With one hand, he gently strokes her tail. The fur is soft, not leaving much sensation in his bare fingertips, yet it tingles through his entire arm. The other lingers behind his head as a pillow.

The shimmering gold between his fingers melts into a unique mass the longer he stares at it. At the same time, he keeps feeling Kons' steady breathing at his side and for a moment Kabane is grateful for the closeness. Because it is different.

In the village where he had lived, he had been alone and it hadn't bothered him.

Here, with the others, he is no longer alone, but the nights are still the same. No one is there, no one seems present, although he shares the room with Akira and Shiki.

But Kon changes the feeling. With her, the night is suddenly a journey of two. Hours in which he feels the presence of someone with him, who penetrates to his core and gives him a rest, even though he barely sleeps. A bit as if Kon could perform magic.

“A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you love,” he whispers Akira's words again, which he once answered with “Inugami-san”. Indeed, he is grateful to Inugami, loves him like family, because this man has given him a chance to get to know something new. Someone who gave him hope because Kabane's parents didn't abandon him in the end. At least not just like that. But Kabane has also slowly come to understand that there are different kinds of love. Love felt for one's family, for one's parents, for one's siblings. That love that Shiki has for Aya and Akira has for his brother. And then there's something else that feels similar, but craves for more – at least when he's looking for answers somewhere between all of Akira's words over the last two weeks.

More. A desire for more than the certainty of not being alone.

Without further ado, Kabane's gaze falls to the back of Kon's head. He doesn't want more when he's with her, or when they're apart, because he knows Kon would be fine without him. But in hours like these, when she's asleep and he's awake, this thought of wanting to protect her grows in him. The wish to touch her hair. To make sure she's not imaginary. And every time he is certain that Kon is real, he doesn't know what to do.

Because he is relieved and at the same time his heart is pounding harder, as if there is danger.

“Palpitations. Sweating. Can't find the right words...” Briefly, he goes through Akira's list again. He's still not sweating, but that's normal. His body just works differently. But his heart is beating faster and he can't find words to describe the feeling.

So is this love?

Taking a deep breath, Kabane closes his eyes and listens to the steady sound of Kons breathing. He cannot describe the connection they have, but he knows he likes the physical contact they share. If he were to describe it the way Akira had tried to teach him, he is in love with the way she touches him without using her hands. He loves her body against his, loves it when her hair tickles his nose, loves it when she curls up further because she's having a dream. These are all little things he watches every night and he likes to do it. And when one likes to do something, Akira said, one usually loves it. Shiki disagreed, but the chaos that emotions portray through their words doesn't go hand in hand with the direct nature of his. It is easier to understand when the lines can be directly connected.

He loves Inugami as family.

To him, Akira and Shiki mean the world to him as friends.

He likes Aya.

But he has no such feelings for Kon, she is his friend and at the same time he feels something different about her than he does about Akira and Shiki. He clearly prefers her to Aya.

Overall, it seems like friendship on fire. Warm and endearing at the same time and if that's what Akira was trying to explain, then he loves Kon.

But the certainty remains completely unfulfilled. Ultimately, he doesn't know for sure, wanting to explore the feeling further and continue to have Kon with him in the night, while the moonlight bathes her in gold and makes her beautiful.

Yet she is always beautiful. Or rather pretty?

Indecisive, he opens his eyes and puts his hand over his mouth. When did he notice that Kon is pretty?

Once again Kabane looks at the back of Kon's head, just stares at her as he slowly turns to the side and puts his free arm around her shoulders. Her sleep is so deep that she simply grabs his wrist and snuggles against him. His chest presses against her back as he does so and for a moment Kabane thinks she might be able to sense his heartbeat. But Kon remains calm. Completely relaxed.

What could she be dreaming about? Another thing that is strange to Kabane and that sometimes fascinates him. While his sleep is black as night, Kon's world seems colourful and exciting. So Kabane closes his eyes, lets her hair tickle his nose and, even if it is illogical, very briefly believes that he can thus get to know a part of her dreams.

To live an adventure in his sleep.

Until the blackness catches up with him and pulls him down.

Far away into a world of peace where he believes he' s about to see a kitsune.

Chapter Text

♦ I finally know!
The things that make me love him. ♦

Her ears twitch whenever Shiki rattles the lid of the pot to let the stench of the food into the room. The apron on his body is full of stains, while Kabane stands beside him, looking impassively at the sad contents of the dish. It is completely burnt.

“And... even though I had given specific instructions...” Akira, who is sitting next to her and has also been watching the whole time, cannot take his eyes off it. He is shocked, horrified that Shiki can't even follow simple instructions while Kabane has only observed. “How are you two going to learn to cook like that? What are you going to do without me if I don't prepare the food?”

“Then we're lost, Akira,” Kabane utters matter-of-factly, and Kon can't help but agree with him.

“Absolutely doomed.” Briefly, the kitsune purses her lips. “But Kon thinks Kabane is better at following rules than the bug.”

“I'm not a bug!” snaps Shiki back before he slams the wooden spoon down on the kitchen counter and leans forward challengingly. “Do it better!”

Unsure, Kon points to herself before tilting her head. “Why should Kon do better when Kabane is still here?”

“I must confess that I wouldn't have done any better.” Expressionless, Kabane's gaze swings in her direction, meeting her eyes for a moment before he turns away and reaches for the cooking pot. The heat doesn't bother him as he strolls over to the bin and somewhere in between Shiki throws his apron over a chair and flees, while Akira jumps up indignantly and follows him. The little squabbles that follow, however, are no more than background noise for Kon. Her own heartbeat and the blissful calm that overcomes her in those seconds are much more present.

Her attention lingers on Kabane's back as the black mass disappears into the trash bag. His gloved hands shake the pot again and again until the last bit has come loose and he can put the metal in the sink to let water run in.

Kon loses herself in this little action, has to think of how bravely Kabane always takes everything in hand without thinking about the consequences. If she looks at her own fingers, she does her best in battle, but she would always flinch if it meant pain. Kabane has no problem with that. His hands are made for it and she loves them for it.

Would her hands fit well in his?

Her ears lower a little as Kon stares indecisively at her long fingers and then at Kabane.

“Hey,” she starts out of the middle of nowhere. “Kabane.”

“Huh?” Without further ado, he turns to her, expressing not much more than mild interest, and Kon can't help but enjoy it. The subtle nuances of his face, depending on what he's feeling, make him incredibly expressive to her and she loves it when he wears that strange warmth on his features that she's never seen before.

“Give Kon your hand,” Kon demands, holding out her own as she waits. For what seems like an eternity, nothing happens, though it can't be more than two seconds when Kabane nods and places his hand in hers.

It's not what she had imagined, but it's a touch she can appreciate, one that triggers warmth under her skin and feels homely because Kabane is exactly that too: her home. Somehow.

His hands are a tiny bit smaller than hers, at least it looks that way because her fingers are definitely longer than his. But while hers are slim and narrow, Kabane's are stronger and certainly a good deal rougher – though thanks to the gloves, she can't judge that.

“Now what?” Kabane is audibly at a loss and Kon would be lying if it were any different for her. She doesn't know what to say, can feel the warmth on her cheeks and can't help but look at him. A moment when he seems to understand her and even more that she loves. “Was there that strange feeling again?”

No. And yet somehow there was. It still is. It's there, but it doesn't hurt. Instead it settles lovingly and tentatively on her shoulders and seems to have something about it that Kon can't categorise. A little like wings, but kitsune can't fly, she's sure of that.

“Don't know,” she finally returns. To him, she has never felt the need to lie about her feelings. Sometimes she prefers to remain silent rather than state something clearly, but there are many feelings she can't name. They are just there, driving her into different areas between happy and sad and sometimes making her a little bit crazy. But lately, since he reached out to her, that seems to be okay too. She just has to tell Kabane how she feels and he understands.

And if he doesn't, then maybe he'll just shake his head with the black hair, which shimmers so prettily in the light and which Kon also loves, to meet her halfway. Because then they would talk about it and find a solution. Just like the last time.

“Is everything all right?” her counterpart asks, still staring at her out of those dull eyes that express so much and at the same time reveal nothing, so that Kon likes to look at them. She should explain herself. As Akira once said in all his babbling at the beginning, a boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you love. Kon doesn't really know what love exactly is, but she is sure that she loves Inari.

Inari is her great role model and it is also Inari who has always made her very happy when there was praise given. But this woman never inspired the same warmth in her that Kabane did. Inari didn't feel as good. Kon's feelings for Kabane are different, more intense.

When she wakes up next to him in the morning, it feels right. Throughout the day, she knows Kabane is there. She has no problem waiting. She doesn't mind when Kabane is with others. If he forgets about her. In the end he is there anyway. And when she falls asleep next to him in the evening, when she can sense his body at her back, Kon knows that she has arrived.

All these things are more intimate than they were with Inari. And if she loves Inari, she loves Kabane even more.

His hands, which she rarely sees without wearing gloves.

His face and the expressions it can make.

His hair that sometimes tickles her nose in the night.

His understanding of her sometimes terribly confused feelings.

His mere existence that gives her a home.

She loves him.

Kon loves Kabane.

She understands it, knows it, feels it.

But when she opens her mouth to tell him, her throat feels parched, her heart thumps wildly against her ribs and her hands feel sweaty. Excitement spreads and although it is terribly inappropriate, Kon cannot overcome the sensation of her body. So she nods, swallows dryly and only half-stays on topic. “Kabane... Thank you.”

“For what?” Irritated, he seems to raise his brows a few millimetres.

“For being there.”

And it's not a lie. She couldn't be more grateful.

Kabane, on the other hand, simply nods, smiling that strange smile that makes him seem odd and yet clearly reflects what he is trying to show. “We are friends, after all.”

They are. Friends. And for a brief moment, surrounded by love and peace, she wants to believe that she can be Kabane's girlfriend. A friend he loves. Someone who can give him something back that is no less loving than what she feels.

Chapter Text

♦I know, but I'm unsure.
So what can I do to show her that I care?♦

“It must be here.” The note in his hand contains the same information as the sign in front of him. A clue to an aquarium that Akira had written down for him because he was sure there was a monster in this place that desperately needed help. At that, he had giggled like a girl, enjoying himself and mentioning in the same breath that Shiki didn't have time for the case, so Kabane should take Kon with him.

Kon, standing behind him, never taking her eyes off him for a second.

“We should be careful.” Burying her hands deep in the pockets of her jacket, Kon looks around sceptically several times. “There might be more than one monster here that could be dangerous to us.”

Nodding in agreement, Kabane turns towards the entrance and slowly starts moving again. The people in this place seem happy, some shy, but none seem to feel any real fear. Presumably the problem they are pursuing is one that cannot be easily seen with the bare eye. Someone who knows how to sneak their way through the crowd and make people disappear, which can bring several dangers.

Slightly lost in thought, Kabane notices too late when someone bumps into him from behind, robbing him of his balance for a brief moment. But before he can truly stumble and fall, Kon has already grabbed him by the hand and pulled him to the side.

“Sorry, kid. I wasn't paying attention,” one babbles to him before a wobbly bow comes over the stranger and he continues to follow his path. Kabane watches him go, for two, three seconds, before his gaze falls to his hand in Kons.

“Thank you,” he brings stiffly to his lips, unsurprised because they are working together and yet, somehow, pleased at the momentary contact they maintain. Then he waits.

People move past them, yet Kon doesn't let go. Instead, she keeps her eyes down and simply waits.

“Kon?”

“Huh?”

“You can let go.”

“...Yes...” Her hand tightens its grip around his before she points towards the entrance without further ado. “It's going to be crowded in there for sure. We shouldn't get lost.” Demonstratively, she nods to the almost nondescript connection they hold uncertainly. “That would be safer.”

She's right, it runs through Kabane's mind. If there are even more people in the aquarium than there already are in front of it, they'll both be separated for sure, and the culprit will have an easier time escaping unseen if necessary. Holding hands is the best option.

As a result, he just keeps walking, Kon in tow. Mindful, they leave the entrance behind, entering the far more sparkling atmosphere of the building, where light pearls onto the floor in brilliant blue. Glass panes surround it, living creatures move through the blue mass that seems endless behind the glass. Kabane knows some of the animals from stories and from the fish shop in the village. Dolphins make their way through the water, colourful fish hang somewhere in a shoal near the screens, an octopus presses its nubs against the partition and frightens a child. And for a moment Kabane's breath falters.

In all his life he has never been surrounded by so much life, which seems so different from the rushed people running up and down in Tokyo. He has never been bothered by it because it is just the way the city works, but he cannot deny that the quiet atmosphere takes him away.It makes every breath a little easier, captivating him, before he notices Kon's panting softly by his ear.

A sideways glance reveals that she is no less taken by what she sees. The blue colour makes her eyes sparkle, her mouth stands open a little and the joy of getting to know this place flatters her whole face. She is beautiful, bathed in dim light and surrounded by the quiet murmur of the people in this place.

With a soft sigh, Kabane brushes off the fascination as he lets his gaze wander again to discover the first signs of something strange when he feels his mobile vibrating. An older model, given to him by Inugami so he could stay in touch in case something happened.

Carefully, he pulls out the device and follows exactly the instructions Inugami gave him to open a message.

From Akira:
Have you arrived at the aquarium yet?

Kabane's fingers are slow to find their way across the keys to type a reply that should answer Akira's question with a short “yes” and it barely took a breath for Akira to answer back. He knows a lot compared to Kabane in the use of technology.

From Akira:
Great! ♡ Because I have to confess that there was no incident at all. But I didn't know how else to get you guys on this date. Have fun!

Irritated, Kabane eyes the message, trying to make sense of it, when he notices Kon looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Any news?”

“Akira texted me,” he returns. “There's no incident here at all.”

“He lied?” She sounds almost indignant as she shakes her head, though finds no further words.

“He says he was going to send us on a date.”

“A date?” Kon tilts her head thoughtfully. “A date, huh...”

“What's a date?”

“Don't know exactly. Kon thinks a date is just spending time together... for two.”

“Hmmm,” in Kabane's eyes it seems like a term that wants to say something and yet doesn't capture it, “means whenever you do something together, you have a date?”

Kon looks no less confused. “Could be.”

The idea about Akira's plan makes Kabane's gaze wander over the people in the place. Some are holding hands, others are looking at the fish together and a few are getting closer. “Maybe Akira wants to show us what a date is by sending us here.”

“In what way?” Without further ado, she looks around, notices the same thing he did, and glances at her hands the very next moment. “Do you have to...hold hands all the time?”

“Looks like proximity counts too. Hugging seems to count, too.” Undisguised, Kabane points to a young couple standing a few feet away from them. The girl has hooked up with her companion and is about to breathe a kiss on his cheek, which triggers curiosity in Kabane himself. He has seen this before, in one of the videos Akira showed him, which was supposed to be about great love and unbridled romance. There, two pressed their lips together and confessed their love.

Affection that seems to germinate in him too. So does he have to kiss Kon then?

His gaze wanders back to the kitsune, examining her from top to bottom as she continues to look around. Her mouth twists every now and then and for a moment Kabane can't help but wonder if he would feel a kiss. If the clumsy pressing of lips together would change anything. Until she looks at him.

“And now?” She tilts her head uncertainly before looking down at her hands once more and offering him one. Redness gleams on her cheeks, trails over her nose. She says nothing more, presumably assuming he knows what she wants and Kabane actually understands. With a purposeful grip, he takes Kon by the hand again and even though it feels no different than before, the mood is completely changed. Maybe he really should kiss her. But then he would have to tell her how he feels about her, like in the movies, and although her being near is important, her presence spurring everything in him to keep Kon safe, he has also come to understand that “I love you” is not said that way to family or friends.

Kon is beautiful, somehow, and he really doesn't want to be without her. He can go over that again and again. His heart feels strong and at home and safe by her side. But is that love?

In the end, he doesn't know, can only wear that stiff expression and look at her, not knowing what to do, while Kon just waits. For two, three breaths, until he thinks back to Akira wanting a date between them. He wants them to spend time together. So Kabane points to one of the glass panes and pulls Kon closer to him. “Let's go.”

She just nods, following him obediently, and for a moment the question remains, whether he isn't alone with his thoughts. What if Kon doesn't feel the same – if he loves her but she doesn't love him? Do they then go separate ways? He isn't ready to give up the friendship, but something inside him demands certainty. And that something is also sure that Kon will understand what he has to say. He just has to understand it himself.

Chapter Text

♦Stop, Kabane, just stop it, please.
I want to be your number one.♦

The strange case that had ended in an off-day still looms, from time to time, in Kon's thoughts. A beautiful day where she had seen hundreds of fish and discussed the different tastes with Kabane. In the end, they had all looked delicious.

The end had come far too quickly and although she had held his hand the whole time, the racing of her heart in her chest hadn't lessened. It had only merged with joy, which Kon also felt when Inari praised her. Except Kabane hadn't said anything.

With a sigh, the kitsune puts down her ears, lost in her thoughts, which seem entirely meaningless as Aya chats ceaselessly and Kabane actually listens attentively to her. The sundae in front of her nose is already half melted and no matter how Kon turns it, she didn't care what happened to the ice cream as long as Kabane listened to the bug and ignored her completely in return. Yet the day had started so well.

Kon had caught fish to fry and have breakfast with Kabane. It had worked better than expected because she hardly knew anything about cooking. Afterwards, she had wanted to ask Kabane if they would play together. Catch, maybe. Or hide and seek. But to complicate matters, Aya had turned up and told about an ice-cream shop that had newly opened, and that Kabane should definitely try it. And Kabane had asked Kon if she wanted to come along.

Of course she wanted to.

The disapproval towards Aya gnaws at her, profound and unyielding, because she snuggles too close to Kabane and the sting that responds in her heart rings every alarm bell in her. She doesn't know much about the things of the world, but she has come to understand that her heart loves Kabane. Aya, however, clearly puts herself between that sensation, presumably because her heart feels the same way.

It is a contest that Kon cannot lose.

“You look like a watered poodle,” Aya remarks almost casually, placing a hand on Kabanes. Her snooty, provocative manner stirs up unease in Kon, scrapes her up and won't let go. The people around her fade into unremarkable passers-by who don't matter. There is only Aya. The bug for whom Kon has no answer. Instead, snorting, she averts her eyes, arms folded in front of her chest, and fixes her gaze on a point somewhere in nowhere.

“Kon?” Kabane's voice reaches her too, almost concerned. His attention is too pleasant to simply tune out, so she gives him an uncertain sideways glance. The same, fixed expression as usual glares at her, but she believes to detect a hint of incomprehension on his features. For a moment, only she seems to exist in his world and the wallowing joy inside her bubbles and vanishes in the same breath as Aya leans against his arm and rests her head on his shoulder.

She is bold.

And the ache in Kon's chest becomes oppressively tight.

Lips pressed tightly together, she slams her hands on the table and jumps up. The chair screeches behind her as it scrapes across the floor and the only thing that finds its way past her lips is a dry, brittle “Idiot”. Then she turns and just runs. Into the middle of the crowd, letting herself drift, following the paths of others, just wanting to get away from the sad image that keeps being rubbed in her face. Maybe Kabane likes Aya even better than Kon. Maybe he prefers the bug.

The thought brings burning heat to her cheeks, tears to her eyes and a sob to her lips as her legs carry her on and on. Away from the ice cream shop, into some alley where there are no people and the dumpsters hold stinking remnants.

Her breath rushes wearily through her lungs, exhausted and upset by everything, when she hears another gasp that isn't hers.

“Kon...” one begins behind her, “I was beginning to think I wouldn't catch up with you.”

“What do you want, Kabane?” Her voice is akin to a hiss that she doesn't want to raise but still lets out as if it's normal.

“What's going on, Kon?” Kabane, on the other hand, is doing his own thing. He comes audibly closer and every single step drives the nervousness right into her head, pounding and depressing. So much so that she jumps forward a few steps and turns to face him. Kabane had just reached out to her, but now seems taken aback by her reaction and lowers his hand.

“Kon, if there is something, you have to tell me.”

“So you can go back to the bug?” Jealousy is ugly, Kon feels it deep inside. It burns and etches and flares and makes clear thinking difficult.

“Aya?” Kabane's eyes seem to grow even bigger. “Aya and I are friends. Like us.”

Indeed, they are friends, but if friendship puts Kon in the same box as Aya, then she no longer wants to be Kabane's friend. Instead, she wants to be his number one. The one who matters most to him.

Dejected, she lowers her head, droops her ears and buries the tips of her fingers in the hem of her shirt. The tears are still there, blurring her vision. Her heart hammers against her ribs, adamant, as if it will explode at any moment.

“Kon wants to be more,” she finally brings over herself. “Kon wants to be Kabane's number one.”

Kabane doesn't answer. Instead, he moves closer, only to place his hand on her cheek. The sweet touch that usually calms her and makes her feel like she doesn't have to worry anymore. But something about this situation makes it hard to really enjoy the closeness.

“I really don't know what to do, Kon.” Kabane seems at a loss as well, looking at her from those dead eyes that at the same time have so much life in them that she can't help but place both hands gently on his against her cheek and take a breath.

“Let Kon be your number one.”

“But why do you want to be my number one?” He really doesn't understand.

“Kon wants you to be more important to her than Inari-sama,” she falters for a moment. Inari hasn't crossed her mind in a long time. Yet she has always admired the kitsune. But Kabane is important in a different way. “It's okay that Kon knows now, isn't it?”

“What are you talking about?”

She nods briefly before taking another breath. “Kon loves you. Kon's heart loves you so much that it hurts when Aya snuggles up to you.”

Sometimes, very rarely, Kon is glad to talk in third person, even if it sounds quite normal to her ears. Because it makes it easier. In these moments, she doesn't necessarily speak of herself, even if it's stupid. Kabane understands her anyway. But his answer is a silence. Quiet and thoughtful, as if she had said something silly.

Chapter Text

♦ She is wonderful and strange,
not entirely honest, even though she always tells the truth.
I don't think I realised it in time.
The fact that she is exceptional. ♦

Her eyes are glued to him and Kabane doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know how to answer as the air hangs heavy between them and Kon's ears under the hood slowly drop. She loves him. She has this strange feeling in her chest that jumps up and down inside Kabane too, though he can't quite name it. Kon has given it a name, he finds it more difficult to do.
But the sight of her only makes it worse. The silence with which he looks at her hits something in Kon that he can't grasp. The only thing that doesn't escape Kabane's attention is the trembling voice as the kitsune distances herself.
“Kabane, why is there this squishy feeling in Kon's chest?” She looks to the ground, clenching her hands into fists. “Kabane's silence hurts Kon's heart.”

It falls like scales from his eyes as she grabs her chest, sobbing, and turns her back on him. Mouth open, he wants to say something, but there is nothing but emptiness in his head and the words are missing. He has never experienced a moment like this before.

Usually he can see things with a cool head and always finds a few words because it isn't very hard to just say what is necessary. But this time he doesn't know what it should be. The tightness in his own chest seems to ridicule him and the only thing that is clearly on the tip of his tongue is that he doesn't want Kon to leave. The way she threatens to leave stings under his skin and makes his mouth so horribly dry that Kabane wants to believe every word is full of dust. If only he could find one.

Kon takes her own opinion from all this, distances herself further and moves away. There are two hundred chances that pass there. One hundred things Kabane wants to say to her, because in this poorly lit back alley, he can see it clearly – if he is completely honest with himself.

Her eyes are incredibly large and, in contrast to his own, unbelievably expressive. Sometimes he has the feeling that he can find all her feelings there, even if he cannot understand most of them clearly. Sometimes it makes him feel helpless. Far too often he doesn't know what to do. But what he does know is that he wants to protect the smile she sometimes has for him.

Her tears always awaken something inside that leans against his insides with worry. They are uncomfortable seconds when he wants to do something to help her. Seeing Kon cry makes it harder to breathe. It takes his breath away when he doesn't know what he can do to stop her tears. The only thing his body insists on in these moments is closeness. The way it had been once in the park when she had burst into tears and he had put his hand to her cheek. It had made things better.

But that wouldn't help him here.

What would help would be the truth and that, first of all, doesn't consist of an "I love you". Something in him, which is far too often just there and won't go away, searches for words other than the three one says to someone one really likes. But the hunt seems to go on endlessly and Kon takes more and more distance. She is going. Leaves him behind.

He will lose her.

“Kon!” is all Kabane can bring himself to say with difficulty. It's louder than he thought it would be, but the kitsune doesn't stop. She just keeps walking, slowly, looking over her shoulder once with those blue eyes looking unhappily at him. His chest tightens.

He can't lose her.

Just as Kon turns again and is about to jump, presumably to flee across the rooftops, Kabane's limbs come into action. Almost by remote control, he leaps forward before falling into a clumsy trot that is supposed to carry him to Kon. The footsteps make her ears visibly twitch, arousing curiosity and attention, which hold her. She hesitates too long before Kabane can finally reach her.

Before the kitsune can even move, he is already wrapping his arms around her. Kons's slender body surrenders instantly, enjoying his closeness even though she is probably angry and hurt. But the affection he is able to give her also loosens the knot in Kabane. The missing words appear like stars in the firmament.

“I care about you!” he starts with more distress in his voice than he feels. “And I want you by my side. Always.”

“Does that mean Kabane feels something for Kon?”

Only an approving growl escapes his throat. But that's not enough. He needs to say more, offer her something greater, lay out for her what's going on inside him.

Because Kabane knows one thing for sure.

Kon will understand him somehow.

Chapter Text

♦ A pinch of distance.
A pinch of understanding.
What more could I give you, Kabane? ♦

His voice had been hollow when Kabane had tried to say something and yet hadn't known how to say it. Kon had accepted it, understood it, because he had admitted that he had feelings for her.

The moment when everything had collapsed, like a badly built house of cards, was two days ago by now. Two days in which Kon had kept wondering what Kabane would say when he found the right words.

Sighing, she lets her legs dangle from the sofa and stares at the ceiling. Ultimately, she would have liked an answer from him. But Kabane's look, after the strange embrace, spoke for itself. He needs a little more time, it had said. Just a little minute more.

And before he could finally say what was on his mind, Aya had turned the corner. The bug had ruined everything and at the same time, quite possibly, brought with it necessary distance.

With a vague shake of her head, Kon tries to forget the bug. Aya is not something she likes to think about. Nor is it something she still has to worry about, because Kabane has made up his mind.

Her gaze wanders over the interior of the appartment, which she sees as a temporary home. Living with Kabane brings him closer to her, somehow, because his scent seems to cling to every scrap of fabric that adorns the living quarters.

“I knew you'd be here.” The disparaging tone behind Kon makes the kitsune lower her ears. She doesn't have to look over her shoulder to know Aya is behind her. “Where is Kabane?”

She doesn't answer. Answering the bug is a waste of time, Kon has already understood that. She would prefer to take Aya and throw her out the door or defeat her in a fight, to clearly show which of them is the stronger and thus better able to stand by Kabane's side. But Aya doesn't let up.

“Are you mute, or did you lose your tongue over the fact that Kabane invited me?”

“He didn't!” escapes Kon in a flash before she jumps up and turns to Aya. She looks the same as ever, same outfit, same way of speaking, but Kon can sense no danger. The bug is no longer a rival, at least not at first glance.

“And even so, where is he?”

“What do you want from him?”

“Shiki asked me to give him something from Inugami-san.” Impassively, Aya waves a white envelope in her hand before putting the other on her hip and tilting her head back slightly. She's arrogant, in her own unique way, and for a moment Kon is grateful that Kabane didn't choose the bug. She is different from Kon, probably doesn't even feel the way the kitsune does. By all means, she likes Kabane, but to Kon he is everything. He is her favourite. The favourite pair of eyes she looks into when she feels alone or is simply looking for someone with a touch of home in their gaze. Her favourite name to say when she needs help. Her favourite way to pass time when she can just be in the same room with him, because there's something about Kabane that puts the world in a whole different frame. He is her favourite everything and losing that to Aya would have been crueler than being shown the door by Inari.

“I've already realised that you foxes aren't the smartest, but would you finally tell me where Kabane is?”

“Aya?”

The door slams shut at the same moment as the bug is about to continue speaking reproachfully. She winces, sighing softly, before he arrives beside her and looks at her indecisively. Seeing the two of them like this lays one thing out clearly: Aya doesn't suit him!

“I have a letter for you from Inugami-san. It seems his phone broke and he has a mission for you and Kon.”

He accepts the letter, opening it as Aya gallantly turns away. “Well then, I won't disturb the lovebirds any further.”

“Wha-” Without further ado, Kon gasps, but gets no further as Aya gestures with a throwing away hand that she has no interest in further banter. She simply goes, leaving a note of indifference that clearly conveys that Kabane has never been as important to her as he is to Kon.

“Kon?”

Kabane's voice makes the kitsune sit up and take notice.

“We should pack our things. The trip will take a while.” The letter in his hands looks like the ticket to cosy togetherness. “Is everything all right?”

“Huh?” Irritated, she raises her ears, only realising in that breath that she's still on guard because Aya hasn't quite left her senses yet. “Yes, Kon is fine.”

He nods briefly before heading up the steps. “I'll meet you back here then?”

“Kon will be waiting!” She has almost no belongings. What she wears, she washes as needed. Everything else is ballast, which Inari has always denied her. And Kon has understood that she really doesn't need more.

The only thing that really matters to her is Kabane. His presence near her, his words directed at her, maybe a kiss on the cheek. The feeling that his heart beats in the same beat as hers.

Once again she drops onto the sofa and looks up at the ceiling. At Kabane's side she can reach everything and maybe this little trip is her chance to finally get an answer.

She will tell him once more.

Reveal to him once more how much he really means to her. This time, no Aya can get in the way and ruin the closeness.

There will be only Kabane and Kon left.

Chapter Text

♦ Let me give you a piece of me.
And treasure it with all your love.
Give me a place to come back to.
And see how far I can go. ♦

The landscape passes them by in blurred images, while Kabane's gaze reaches out of the window just as impassively as Kons. The silence between them is strange. Somehow wonderful and at the same time unsettling, as if each of them is expecting something.

But Kabane isn't expecting anything. Not really.

Instead, he thinks of the mission, of the mountains, of the shrine they will visit, where there should be more than one Tanuki waiting for help. More Inugamis.

At the same time, there is still the thing with Kon. In the alley, just before Aya intervened, he had had the right words for a split second. The ones he wanted to say to Kon, to clearly reassure her that he cares deeply for her. By now, those words had faded. Whenever he says them softly to reassure himself that Kon will like them, the less magic they bring. They are no longer what he wants to say to her. But he hasn't found anything better either.

Now he sits there with no words and no idea how to make Kon understand that he likes being by her side. That he likes hearing her voice, that her closeness is somehow pleasant and that she is actually quite pretty. She is important to him and he wouldn't want to miss her for anything in the world.

Neither does Kon. She has told him so. Her heart loves him and even though Kabane is not sure if he also has that kind of heart that knows how to beat, he is sure that his body knows how to love Kon too. Whenever she bursts into tears, there is this slight touch of despair that spreads through him. Her closeness warms him inside as well as out, and her voice sometimes sends a twitch through his body that he can control but can't turn off. He reacts to her. And he has also understood that when Kon isn't there, something inside him hopes to see her again soon.

Sometimes his worries spill over when she disappears without a trace and even if he has forgotten her before, he has also regretted the effect in all this. Since then, he can no longer forget her.

A quick glance in her direction brings certainty. He couldn't forget her even if he wanted to, because there is something enchanting about Kon. Resting her head on one hand, she stares impassively into the distance outside the train. Her eyelids droop from time to time, as if bitter sleepiness were welling up inside her. Sitting opposite her is a unique sight from which he cannot tear himself away.

“Kon?” He sounds quieter than expected, though Kon isn't asleep yet and the train sometimes cradles her gently back and forth. Still, she hears him. Her ears under the hood twitch gently before she shifts her gaze from the window to look at him – puzzled, yet incredibly attentive.

“Huh?” Almost a little curiously, she tilts her head. It seems her eyes are waiting for something, as is her whole existence, while Kabane is at a loss for words. Whatever he had wanted to say is gone. Instead, he just looks at her.

More and more often he has to think about how much fun the missions they do together are. With Akira and Shiki, they form the ultimate team. At least Kabane is convinced of the strength of each. Kon is strong. Shiki is strong. Even Akira has a certain strength when he wants to assert himself. They all have their way of getting through the tasks Inugami gives them.

“What are you going to do after this mission?”, Kabane throws helplessly into the room. Something from all the thoughts must help him out.

Thoughtfully, Kon tilts her head. “I'm sure Inari-sama will be happy to see Kon again.”

She doesn't seem convinced by her words herself, drooping her ears as if she knows exactly what Inari will say when she returns.

“You could stay with us,” Kabane continues. Too flat, too stiff, to really sound like a kindly-intentioned suggestion. Instead, it has something of clear facts that should immediately catch anyone's eye if they look closely. But Kon doesn't notice such things. She simply looks past them. It makes conversations with her easier than it is with others. It makes his body feel a little lighter at times and if he had to tell Kon in any way, it would probably be by saying that she is his favourite feeling. A sensation that he likes to feel inside.

“Kabane?” Uncertainly, Kon stares at him from those big eyes. Her curiosity still exists, but the uncertainty spreads as rapidly as the silence he has allowed to arise.

“Huh?” Restlessness gathers in Kabane as well. Something wants out, wants to communicate, but he can't make out what it is. It seems to whisper softly in his ears without him being able to hear what it is asking of him. He can only open his mouth and wait.

“What are you doing?” Kon's head tilts from side to side and her lips purse for a brief moment before she thinks she has an idea. “Is it a game? Can Kon play along?”

“Thank you, Kon.” The words roll over his tongue as if they don't belong to him. As if they are words that exist only for Kon and which he must release in order to finally achieve something new. Although his voice sounds firm and carries the same nuance of indifference he has noticed in himself from a young age, there is also something of defenseless weakness about all this. But he can't stop. “Thank you for loving me.”

Kon's ears press against the hood, making them more than clearly stick out. But even that doesn't matter any more. Because it's fine the way it is.

“And thank you for telling me.”

“Kon was just saying what her heart wanted...” Carefully, she places a hand on her chest before putting a little more determination in her voice. “And Kon's heart hasn't stopped loving you, even if it's still waiting for an answer.”

“I don't know what to say,” Kabane finally confesses. “Somehow nothing sounds right.”

“So you don't feel the same?”

“I wouldn't want to see you go. I don't know if it's love, but I like how everything else becomes unimportant when we talk. I can listen to you, always. Because you have become the most important thing to me in every way. It's important to me to first resolve the things that are between us before I move on to other things. Because you mean too much to me.”

“Making memories with you is the most important thing to Kon.” Carefully, Kon reaches out to him and Kabane doesn't hesitate for a moment to place his hands in hers. There's something familiar about the touch, feels like he's finally found everything he's been looking for, even though there are other things missing in his life. But Kon is the closest thing he has to family. “And Kon wants to make a lot more memories with you. Together. Because Kon loves you.”

A twitch runs through his body as Kon clasps his hands and gives him a smile that could hardly have been more beautiful. She is always behind him, is so unbelievably loyal and in not a single second does Kabane want to doubt that she wouldn't give everything to be his number one in the end. The number one she already is, but of which she knows nothing. If all that he feels towards her is the same as what Kon feels towards him, then it must be love. Honest, existing love. And if love means never letting Kon go again, then that's exactly what he wants most in these breaths.

“Me too.” Two words that reveal him, yet linger awkwardly between them. Kon can only widen her eyes, gasp for air, before she requests assurance.

“You love Kon?”

He nods, because it's easier than trying to find the right words again.

“And you want to make memories with Kon? Forever and ever?”

“I can't think of anything better.” He smiles in his thoughts. At least, Kabane believes he is smiling, even if his face barely shows any emotion. “For the rest of our lives.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”