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Chapter Text

____________


(Saturday)


Peter
pads, ur brother's gon viral 

Sirius
james? or...?
what 
why

James
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET?
BLOODY HELL SIRIUS GO WATCH THIS VIDEO [https://youtu.be/889I8pgkYWtqc]

Sirius
wtf happened jamie

James
REGULUS DECKED TOM FUCKING RIDDLE ON THE JAW AND THREW HIS VISCOUNT RING AT WALBURGA’S FACE AND SCREAMED THAT HE DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE BLACKS ANYMORE 

Sirius
fuck
fuckfuckfcujxjdbxusksksisx
wtf reg omg HE SNAPPED SOMETHING MAJOR
objectively, SO SO PROUD
but boy is he fucked

James
oy sirius im near grimmauld
want me to go get him

Sirius
ya im coming
meet u there in five

James
omw

Peter
why were u near grimmauld james?

James
ha ha funny story
on another completely unrelated note
how do u all feel about adopting another rat?

Peter
er
what do u mean by another??

James
peter, u ate the cheese in the rat trap once
do i need to go on

oh here i see sirius
im gonna go

(20 mins later)

Sirius
peter ur sleeping on the couch tonight 
we've brought in a better stray

Peter 
fuck u all
im staying over at mary's

Sirius
ur gonna fuck us all and mary???
pete u sly dog 

Peter
mary and i aren't fucking
we... cuddle

Sirius
idk how u do it 
but u manage giving us tmi abt just vanilla





____________



(Sunday)



James
mum told me you're at school

Sirius
yup

James
uh
its sunday??

Sirius 
yeah ik im there for the spell bee comp

James
...you're in spell bee?

Sirius
no but the cute guy from my lit class is

James
ooh what's his name

Sirius
u wouldn't know him
he doesn't speak much
barely has any friends
but damn he's hilarious 
he mutters in class all the time
he's an undiscovered marauder, im telling u

James
he's an undiscovered marauder who does... spell bee? 

Sirius
like trelawney says "open ur horizons sweetheart"
smart's the new sexy

James
what's his fucking name

Sirius
lupin
remus lupin
like the wolf
can u believe this guy knows the spelling of  cymotrichous and he didn't even pause once in the middle??
like how cool is that

James
...very cool
listen can u get me my regular from starbucks when u come back

Sirius
sure jim
iced ristretto 10 shot venti 
5 pump vanilla 7 pump caramel
poured, not shaken r?

James
if spell bee boy doesn't work, 
marry me sirius

Sirius
can u spell  malapropism without taking a single breath?
if yes
contact [7917382501] for the caterer 

James
... the fact that u randomly have a caterer's number doesn't even surprise me 





___________

Chapter Text

___________



(Sunday Evening)



Barty 
hey reg
heard what happened
also saw it in hd
walburga looked terrifying 
you good?

Regulus
yeah, yeah im great
better than great
well
i would be if my brother would stop throwing water from the balcony at strangers passing by for absolutely no reason 
everyone's yelling at him

Barty
oh good good
your brother sirius, r?
the one who plays attack on the school lacrosse team?

Regulus 
erm
yeah 
why

Barty
nothing nvm

Regulus 
...barty?

Barty
its just
he's very intense when he plays
like v v scary

Regulus 
he's an idiot is what he is

Barty
sure
not that it matters 
but you're not a lot like him, yk?

Regulus 
yes
and proud of that fact
as i should be
exhibit a
mrs figg from next door is now knocking on our door coz sirius just chucked a water balloon on her cat
oh wow
she looks old but can she scream
[voice.recording.04]

Barty
fucking hell 
that's loud
do u want to come over to mine for some time?
my dad's out 
we can put on a movie 
im bored

Regulus
...
be there in fifteen
make popcorn please

Barty
already putting it in





___________






James
THIS IS IT LADS
the big one
the one we've all been waiting for
THE FINAL YEAR OF THE MARAUDERS 

Sirius 
okay can u stop stealing michael wood's swim pep talk and using it like its ur thing
and also  can we stop calling ourselves the marauders 

Peter
its already caught on sirius
I TOLD YOU WHEN YOU MADE THAT NAME UP THAT YOU WILL REGRET IT

Sirius 
alright alright 

James
last year to win swim meet and football tournament and hockey championship 
and im captain for all three
im gonna die this year yk

Sirius
you were captain  last year,  for all three teams too
and we won everything 
anyway it's just lacrosse and swimming rn
football and hockey are next season
calm down jamie boy

James
just coz ur like the worst lacrosse captain in the history of all lacrosse captains 

Sirius
im captain??? 

James 
i hate you

Sirius
i really didn't know that
i just play
nobody's ever told me to do captain-ing

James
"captain-ing"
its coz the prewett brothers manage all your shit for you

Sirius
nevermind that
ITS THE LAST YEAR 
last year for me to catch lupin

James
"catch lupin"

Peter 
have u ever even said anything more than hi to him

Sirius
funny, how u think I've even said that
idkw i can't talk to him
but i just can't 
he doesn't even look at me
he doesn't even know i exist 
EVERYONE else knows i exist 
im like invisible to him

James
sucks to be u
i don't understand what u see in him tho
he always looks so pale and sick and tired
and he keeps disappearing all the time

Sirius
are u jealous jim
is that what this is
if so
then don't fret 
my heart will still always belong to u

James
i love u bro

Sirius
"bro" 
james is such a Lad™
sometim es i wonder how we became friends

James
u hated everyone in the playground
and i thought everyone loved me
so i kept annoying u

Sirius
so the only thing that's changed since then is that now ik what james's knob looks like

James
THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT 
THAT DOOR DOESN'T HAVE A LOCK AND YOU WALKED IN WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO

Sirius
well i didn't know u would be naked did i?

James
YES YOU DID 
YOU KNEW I WOULD BE NAKED
WHICH IS WHY YOU CAME IN WITH A CAMERA

Sirius
ah i still have those photos 
good times

Regulus 
why the fuck are you talking about this
wait
why the fuck am i on this group


(Regulus left group chat)


Peter
how did I become friends with u two

Sirius
food
u gave us food
all the time
we like food

James
u cook real well pete
almost as good as mum

Peter 
thanks

Sirius
effie is a fucking legend

James
Thank you, honey. Now, please let James eat his Dinner. He's been on his phone the whole time. He will talk to you later.

Sirius
oh
okay 
sorry effie

James
No problem, dear. But you must come for Dinner sometime, soon, both of you. It's been too long.

Sirius
sure

James
mum is such a hypocrite, she takes my phone and then she talks to you onslsjakalla;hdka

He will talk to you tomorrow.
Goodnight, dears.

Sirius
lol jim
goodnight effie

Peter
goodnight mrs potter!





____________






Regulus
sirius im at barty's for supper

Sirius
barty who??
but i ordered the fried thai rolls you like
and noodle soup

Regulus 
that's... surprisingly nice of you
okay then
but I'll be a bit late 

Sirius 
again
barty who??

Regulus 
he's in my year sirius
he's a friend
barty crouch

Sirius 
like the one who's dad is that uptight, sort of psycho judge...?

Regulus
like we're one to talk about psycho parents 

Sirius
fair enough
don't be too late ok

Regulus
okay MUM
fuck
....
forget i said that

Sirius
really, really trying to






____________



(Monday Morning)


James
sksksjsvhwjqjq,.zks

Peter
james close ur mouth ur staring like an idiot
i can see u from chem lab

James
can u see the goddess in front of me??? CAN U SEE HER?? IS SHE REAL???!?!

Sirius
im really upset rn
lupin's not in my class anymore
they've got too many ppl for lit
so they divided sections

James
okay BUT IM SITTING BEHIND SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE SUNSHINE IN HUMAN FORM
EXCEPT ITS SO MUCH MORE THAN HUMAN
AND OMG SHE'S LOOKING AT ME

Peter
JAMES CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

James
she said hi
SHE SAID HI
i also said hi back
this is wonderful
we're gonna get married

Sirius
remus!!! isn't!!! in my class!!!! anymore!!!

James
she is a queen with red hair
RED HAIR 
you KNOW how i like red hair

Peter
we didn't know that

James
probably coz i didn't either 
BUT THEN I SAW HER
she is staring at her book
she is sighing
she is taking out a bar of chocolate 
it is white chocolate with the little cranberries
QUEEN I TELL U

Peter
she just saw u staring again

James 
SHE IS RAISING HER HAND TO WAVE 
AT MARLENE!!!!!!
WHICH MEANS SHE KNOWS MARLENE
SIRIUS INFORMATION NOW

Peter
...just ask her??

James
don't be an idiot, pete
i can't just ASK her

Sirius
REMUS ISN'T IN MY CLASS ANYMORE
also
one sec i'll text marlene





___________






Sirius
hey marls
long time

Marlene
hello blaaaack
what u upto

Sirius 
uk my mate james r?

Marlene
yeah ofc
he's in trig with me 
he's also looking sort of deranged rn
is he alright 

Sirius
he's an odd fellow
listen who's the the red head in front of james
he said u waved to him? who's she??
is she new?

Marlene
i did wave yes
and yeah she's new
she's the new scholarship girl 
the one that arsehole governor gave
she's from cokeworth
slughorn and dumbledore made me her "buddy" to show her around school
she seems like a good sort tho
her name's evans
lily evans

Sirius
brill
thanks marls 





___________





Sirius
i have the information u need

James
speak
FUCKING SPEAK 

Sirius
for a price

James
im willing to negotiate 

Sirius
two things
you'll make friends with lupin coz he'll be in ur lit class and then you'll introduce me

James
...and?

Sirius
im not running laps in swimming pracs for a month

James
i haven't even held tryouts yet
you might not even be on the team

Sirius
who the fuck are u kidding

James
....
fine
make that half a month

Sirius
my price just went upto two months

James
...one month is fine

Sirius
pleasure doing business with u
her name is lily evans

James
LILY
l i l y
beautiful 
we'll have to cancel plans from fall wedding to spring if she wants a flower theme

Sirius 
she's from cokeworth
remember that only-two-seats-available scholarship exam last year that abraxas malfoy held to seem "generous" when he cares nil abt the "plebs"
yeah 
she won one of THOSE apparently 

James
SO SHE'S SMART AND SEXY

Sirius 
she's marlene's charge
buddy*

James
what 
who decides that
even i want to be lily evans's buddy

Sirius
ask sluggy
better yet
ask dumbledore

James
i can't ask them NOW

Sirius
tbh i don't fucking care
remember to talk to lupin 

James
about how you say his name in your sleep

Sirius
do that and istg I'll break into the school office, get lily evans's number and send her those pics of yours
well i can actually send her whatever and she'll still be horrified probably 

James
...or i could tell lupin what a wonderful friend and brother you are

Sirius
there you go





____________

Chapter Text

___________



(Monday)



James
bad luck padfoot 
there're three sections in lit
lupin isn't in mine either

Sirius
fuck
pete??? do u have any class with remus??

Peter
uh no
i don't think so

Sirius
i really hate you rn
and everyone
and everything 

Regulus
?????
who keeps adding me to this stupid group


(Regulus left group chat)


James
i have chem with evans
think i should talk to her?

Sirius 
no james
bcoz i ALSO have chem with you 
and i can't watch you single-handedly destroy every shred of dignity that you possess 
oh there he goes
omfg
he just GOT UP TO TALK TO HER AND HE JUST FELL OVER
LIKE JUST FELL OVER FACE FIRST ON THE FLOOR

Peter
brill
is he staring at her with his mouth open and messing up his hair the way he used to back in fifth when that girl from the year below us told him it looked good??

Sirius
ITS LIKE YOU'RE THERE





____________






Sirius
james has an incredible amount of DUMB luck 
I LITERALLY CAN'T BELIEVE SLUGHORN TOOK TODAY TO ASSIGN LAB PARTNERS AND HE MADE EVANS AND JAMES PARTNERS??
i am so confused
why didn't i get to be remus's partner for ANYTHING 
we had like six classes together last year

James
its because remus isn't your soulmate

Sirius
i am THIS close to talking to evans 
and you won't like what i say
also the guy im partners with?? he keeps passing you and me these angry looks?? have we done something to him??

James
he's the other scholarship kid
also from cokeworth 
name's severus snape
also no i don't think even we have the capability to make anyone that angry in five secs
he just looks REAL angry AT EVERYTHING 
kinda scary what with his nose and his hair

Sirius
they're so oily
and greasy
s e v e r u s
more like 'snivellus'
no seriously why is his hair like that
i should ask him

Peter
what? no?? that's not something to ASK ppl

James
too late

Peter
oh god

James
evans is passing sirius dirty looks now
i should tell her that sirius is right about the greasy hair tho

Peter
NO!!! DON'T TELL HER THAT!!! THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL PEOPLE!!!!

Sirius
too late

Peter
oh GOD





____________





James
hey evans
im sorry abt class today
when do you wanna do the chem lab project?





____________






James
well
i still got her number so ig this was a success 

Sirius
i got snape's number too
ITS BCOZ WE'RE PARTNERS

James
do you like hurting me

Sirius
all the time
BUT LISTEN 

James
yeah?

Sirius
prongs prongs prongsie darling
LET'S SWITCH PARTNERS 
PLEASE BE MY PARTNER

James
fuck off
im going to be evans's buddy
and this was my opening
its a sign from the universe

Sirius
no prongs, this was a sign from slughorn and his weird alphabet chart
and also a very clear "potter and black shouldn't have blown up that p.o.p volcano last year"

James
THE UNIVERSE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS SIRIUS

Sirius 
i don't wanna be with greasy snape 
what does the universe mean by that

James
it's saying that YOU NEED TO APPRECIATE YOUR FRIENDS AND THEIR HAIR MORE 

Sirius
im gonna need new friends then
YOUR hair is atrocious

James
...
anyway pete what's up

Peter
im making chocolate brownies today
i found a new recipe
im with mary at my house

Sirius
do you know how much i appreciate you, pete
SO MUCH
so, so much
LIKE I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS IT RN BUT I'M SURE YOU CAN WITH AN EXTRA BROWNIE, RIGHT???

Peter 
okay but you have get me more chocolate chips when you come 

Sirius 
:) ok
right so 
what the universe is telling me rn is that i should promote pete and ditch prongs

James
evans JUST REPLIED TO ME

Sirius
definitely ditch prongs

Peter
also need more vanilla extract

Sirius
don't give james any brownies and we got a deal

Peter
:)

James
oh come on pete
who even is sirius
we've known each other since diapers 

Peter
exactly 
does this relationship seem like my choice

Sirius
cheers pete

Regulus 
if someone adds me to this group again, istg i will kill you
also im blocking you sirius


(Regulus left group chat)


Sirius
i didn't even add him
who the fuck keeps doing that






___________






Lily
oh hey potter
uh
anytime?
i don't have much on my schedule, but we can meet up and plan for the project if you want

James
meet up??? you want to meet up??

Lily
...unless you don't?

James
oh, no no i do
when do u want to meet up then?
hey how about tomorrow after lunch?

Lily
works for me

James
fuck wait
it doesn't work for me
im busy

Lily
erm
how about evening on wednesday?

James 
can't :( 
i have a thing

Lily
oh well
thursday anytime?

James
can't after lunch and can't in the evening

Lily
ik I'll regret saying this
but anytime on friday?

James
um
friday's 
no
friday's not good

Lily
wonderful
u want to meet at fucking midnight today then?

James
really?? you'll be fine with that??

Lily
....
i was joking potter

James
oh

Lily
look, im not going to ruin the project bcoz u don't want to do it 
so tell me rn if you're gonna keep blowing me off, so I'll start on it myself
i really can't afford to let my grades down

James
no no im not blowing you off, istg, it's just that it's first week and it's always very hectic for me
i have tryouts almost everyday 
and i SWEAR i will not leave you to do the project all by yourself 
im not THAT person
its just this first week 

Lily
tryouts everyday?? do you try for every team or something?

James
erm
not exactly

Lily
???
okay nevermind that
if you don’t have time this week, why did u text me about the project in the first place??

James
....
tbh
it seemed like a good conversation starter

Lily
oh god
well
atleast it was better than "his hair really is very greasy"

James
yes, i meant to apologize about that
it just sort of came out
im sorry
i didn't know he was your friend
im sure he's great under all the 
ahem
oil

Lily
he's not my friend
he's a racist jerk who happens to think he owns me and has a right to try talking to me even though I've broken ties with him long ago
i just got annoyed bcoz YOUR friend is horribly arrogant

James
ohh
OHH right
thank god

Lily
???

James
i can now trust your choice in friends
also yes im aware sirius is an idiot 

Lily
i don't know if i can trust mine
i thought you seemed nice enough 
but you've made excuses for the whole week already

James
what?? no i haven't!! im actually busy
wait wait you thought i seemed nice enough??
okay nevermind tryouts, I'll get someone else to do them, we can meet anytime you want
just say it and I'll be ready
promise
anytime

Lily
woah hold up
first of all
how can someone else try out for a team in your place?? that makes no sense?
also its fine 
we don't have to start this week
i was just joking anyway
look we'll plan in class tmrw
and we can start next week?

James
you're perfect
i meant
that's* 
that's perfect**
fuck i hate myself
ttyl evans

Lily
...bye?





___________






Lily
i just had such a weird conversation with this guy 
here see [screenshots1.2.jpg]

Marlene
omg ofc james potter would be an idiot when it came down to talking to girls 

Lily
wait 
yk who james potter is?

Dorcas
who doesn't know james potter

Alice
true 

Lily
erm
i didn't 
obviously 
who IS he 
why do all of u know him

Marlene 
he's the captain of three school sports teams lils 
THREE
i used to have a huge crush on him back in second form when i had my cheerleading phase going on but then i found out he's my cousin so that got awkward FAST
so i dated his mate, his name's black, 9/10 on the snogging scale and i don't give that to just anyone

Lily
he's ur cousin??
also now i get what he meant about tryouts
sort of
but he's your cousin?

Dorcas
honestly is that all ur getting from this
potter's not lost our school teams a single match in football OR hockey OR swimming and all ur thinking of is him being marly's cousin?? also the disturbing part where she rated black's snogging skill

Alice
potter is the one who made frank join the swim team coz frank was too nervy to do it on his own

Dorcas
ooooh so it's frank now is it
no "longbottom's an idiot" anymore

Alice
longbottom IS an idiot

Lily
who's longbottom 
wtf kind of name is that

Alice 
that's what i said!

Mary
hey girlsss
also
hello lily evans
just heard about our new genius transfer
wlcm to hogwarts yada yada it's a shitshow

Lily
thanks
shitshows are better than the literal hellhole i come from
hi
mary, right?

Marlene 
she didn't even deny that she's a genius
love the lack of false modesty

Lily
again
thanks

Mary
im at peter's y'all 
want to come for brownies?

Marlene 
fucking definitely 

Alice
marls, pick me and lily up
we're at the pitch





___________

Chapter Text

____________




(Monday Evening)



James
party at marls tonight?
its a start of the year party or something like that
gryffindors only

Sirius
im in

James
okay
pick me up at 7 padfoot

Sirius
okay
pick me up at 6 wormy

Peter
ur both useless
but fine
would you both like some strawberry  macaroons before going?

Sirius
WOULD WE






____________







Marlene
lily here you go [mmckinnon.gps.nav.igation]
be here at six giiiiirls
you have to help me set up the music and punch

Lily
um??

Dorcas
KNEW MARLENE COULDN'T RESIST THE START OF THE YEAR EXCUSE

Alice
this happens without fail every year 

Marlene
yes well
you all also come every year SO






____________



(Monday Night)




Mary
marls did you invite the slytherins???
why the fuck are they here??
marls
what is happening
oh fuck

Lily
marlene, i hate to tell you this
but like
we've got some sort of property battle??
PROPERTY?? as in the backyard?
except this is your PARENTS house??
but the gryffs and the slytherins are like?
feuding over it?
i am very confused

Dorcas
marls is busy
WE're busy
deal with it

Alice
you sly fuckers
lily literally just gasped aloud

Lily
well how was i supposed to know you both swing that way?

Marlene
and at each other, daaarling
no but honestly 
kick the snakes out wtf

Alice
woahH malfoy just struck some stupid deal
omg drunk boys are SO DUMB
lol wtf is happening

Lily
i sorta love how we're just sitting here texting abt it instead of helping in any way whatsoever 
in case anyone was wondering 
"THE BATTLE FOR THE BACKYARD" is now based entirely on ONE ARM WRESTLING MATCH

Alice
we're so losing, LOOK AT HOW BIG CRABBE AND GOYLE ARE
...
okay that sounded way different in my head
but you all get what i mean

Mary
yeah well
potter may play all sports known to mankind or something 
but he's a skinny fellow
haha they're sending black?? to arm wrestle crabbe
GRYFFINDORS
PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST HUMILIATING DEFEAT OF YOUR 
wait what

Lily
uhhh who is that?
who just changed places with black?
also is it me or is sirius drooling a little?

Alice
no he's definitely drooling
that's lupin btw
who switched places
i have to admit, either he's DRUNK OFF HIS ASS to volunteer to arm wrestle fucking CRABBE (that too, on fruit punch??)
or
...
well
there is no 'or'
LOOK AT HIM
he's so skinny and pale, he looks like he's been starved and then spun through a washer 

Lily
rude
but true 
he looks like he'll fall with the next wind
he's like a quarter of crabbe's weight

Dorcas
remus is doing what???
wait what??
what's happening
just a sec, me and marls are coming

Lily
c o M I N G ^^

Marlene 
I WISH
no we're literally coming back down to the living room
idk who this lupin fellow is except that he's some loner gryff but rn, HE JUST LOST ME SOME GOOD TIME

Dorcas
he's just v v v horribly anti social
he's a nice guy tho
we did the lit play together last year
he's my friend

Lily
guys they're starting
aaaand
omg
OMG
OMFG
lupin just WON LIKE HE WAS PLAYING WITH A KINDERGARTENER 
look at him smiling so SMUG

Mary
wait wait they're doing it again
malfoy's saying crabbe wasn't ready

Alice
FUCK
how is this 30 pound kid DOING THAT
black and potter and the prewett twins are cheering now
can you hear them

Marlene
yeah i can't believe lupin won?? TWICE??
okay no wait
they're making goyle do it now
probably lost faith in good ol' crabb-y

Dorcas
if you say 'crabb-y' ever again
istg you won't ever make any more "time"

Alice
alright alright keep the foreplay to yourself ladies
AND LUPIN'S DONE IT AGAIN 
HE JUST BEAT GOYLE TOO
OMG DID YOU HEAR HIM RN

Mary
he was like "you both can try at the same time with both hands, you fucking morons"

Lily
and then "not ready, my arse"
black is going crazy 
lol why won't lupin look at him

Dorcas
remus does have this weird habit of looking THROUGH ppl instead of at them?
DAMN LUPIN JUST BEAT BOTH CRABBE AND GOYLE AT THE SAME TIME this is crazy

Marlene
snakes schooooled like there's no tomorrow 
this is enough tho
nobody invited them
they really need to fuck off

Mary
UM
that new transfer just swung at potter
for no reason??

Lily
potter grabbed snape's wrist HOW TRAGICALLY FUNNY IS THIS

Marlene
oh and there goes black
...
is malfoy bleeding?? okay snape is definitely bleeding
girls help me clear this mess up

Alice
yeah
oh ffs
marlene
the lestranges are here

Marlene
jesus fucking christ
how do they all know about this party in the first place

Lily
er guys? who's the girl who's laughing like crazy? with the black hair??
and the gothic 70s fashion sense?

Mary
she's black's cousin 
and a complete psycho

Dorcas
...marlene? wtf is bellatrix doing

Lily
sirius's cousin?
oh wow
she's screechy
yeah what IS she doing there?? by the tree?? and is that a
fuck fuck fuckING HELL
IT IS
its a goddamn CHAINSAW

Alice
...a chainsaw
SHE'S USING THE CHAINSAW

Mary
omg your mum's sugar maple tree is FALLING

Marlene
i am
soooo incredibly dead

Alice
i hate to tell you this on top of everything 
but strong suspicion that potter and black's lower half is stuck under the tree
okay so the tree is sort of precariously balancing on that steel railing on the side and the fence

Marlene 
if you help those idiots before you tape my tree back, i will kill you

Lily
...tape your tree back?

Mary
told you this place is a shitshow 






_____________






Sirius
heyyyy reggiee
how's my sweet baby brother (who i love to the moon and back) doing?

Regulus 
i thought i blocked u
i definitely blocked u

Sirius 
i don't remember that
nope not at all
u didn't block me, no sir

Regulus 
....
how the fuck did u guess my phone's password?

Sirius
love always finds a way, sweetheart 

Regulus
nevermind 
you're a fucking arsehole btw

Sirius
oh don't be like that baby brother 
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU

Regulus
im not spending any more of my money for bailing u out of fucking jail sirius

Sirius 
its been a year since any form of arrest tbh
honestly IS THIS what u think of me

Regulus 
that's a resounding yes
also a year is not long enough??

Sirius
...
moving on
nope its not jail this time dear
...just a minor skirmish
at marlene's 

Regulus 
is there blood anywhere?

Sirius
ha ha 
well
it's not mine

Regulus
...
is there a body

Sirius
you mean like a dead one?
no no there are no dead bodies

Regulus 
are there unconscious ones?

Sirius 
...maybe

Regulus 
don't move im coming to get you

Sirius
oh MOVING is certainly NOT the issue
A GIANT SUGAR MAPLE CAN COLLAPSE AND BURY ME ALIVE UNDER IT ANYTIME BUT MOVING IS NOT THE ISSUE 
and no i am not panicking 
so no pressure
take your fucking time

Regulus
...
idk how you manage shocking me even after so many years of putting up with your monumental and frankly unmitigated bullshit

Sirius
...it's a rare talent

Regulus 
i hope yk how much i hate you
I'll be there in ten tho
in the mean time
ruminate on your idiocy
and   don't do anything stupid

Sirius
define "stupid"

Regulus 
to be fucking honest
don't even breathe






______________




(Tuesday Morning)



Sirius
reggie?
thank you
for last night

Regulus
if you want to thank me
do it with double chocolate chip pancakes and an oreo smoothie with vanilla ice cream from that place downtown
or not at all

Sirius
...I'll be back in twenty
in the meantime,
mind finding some painkillers for me?

Regulus 
sure 

Sirius
....
i just realised how peacefully we coexist 
its suddenly making me feel like throwing up

Regulus
that's not the only thing making you want to throw up






____________







Sirius
PRONGS
did you see remus last night?
did i dream that by any chance?

James
him crushing crabbe and goyle like pesky little bugs?
no no i definitely saw that too
last night i was all "oh yes the mighty gryffindors"
but
it makes A LOT LESS sense now

Sirius
ngl i fell in love all over again last night 
but yes
less sense now
he doesn't look the type to have secret super strength does he
maybe he's spiderman

James
dude
im not joking
there's something wrong with the guy

Sirius
OH WOW you get bit by a hybrid spider one time 

James
he isn't fucking spiderman sirius

Sirius
ofc he isn't fucking spiderman
that would make him mary jane
and that too only for like a scene or two bcoz their love triangle is fucked up

James
sirius JUST FOR ONCE LISTEN TO ME AND NOT YOUR DICK

Sirius
you're a dick
and you're mine
so im afraid you'll have to clarify who you're talking about

James
honestly fuck you 

Sirius
not for free sunshine ;)

James
fine
FINE
when you finally have sex with lupin and he detaches your penis with his freakishly strong arms
DON'T COME CRYING TO ME

Sirius
that was uncalled for
remus would never do that to my penis
he would be gentle but also firm and also very centering but also out-of-the-world mind blowing and i would be

James
b l o c k e d






____________




(Tuesday Afternoon)



Sirius
jamie did yk i was lacrosse captain?

James
... I LITERALLY TOLD YOU A DAY BACK 
HOW CAN YOU FORGET THAT?? AGAIN??

Sirius 
i have a life james that's how
look
did yk the lacrosse festival match with durmstrang is today evening?
and i didn't get my kit
my shoes and stick are in it
and i NEED to practice my dodges rn
my splits and rolls are rusty af
so can you get my kit and then drop it back when you come watch my match?

James
how do yk I'll even come to watch your match

Sirius
you don't have a life james that's how

James
...fair enough






_____________


(Tuesday Evening)



Alice
damn black is gooood

Dorcas
black??? leave him
look at marlene
LOOK AT MY GIRL GO
I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH 
AND HER ASS

Mary
...

Lily
....

Alice
...

Dorcas
after an extensive session of five minutes of thinking, I've come to the conclusion that i can ruin any situation by making it ×999 times more awkward

Mary
it's a rare talent
WAIT LOOK AT BLACK LOOK AT BLACK HE'S GOT IT PAST HE'S PASSING TO MARLENE HE'S TAKING IT FROM GID
HE'S SO NEAR

Alice
fuck one foot from the goal OH LOOK HE'S ALMOST THERE WAIT 

Lily
UH GUYS
look up at the topmost step for one sec
what is potter doing
he's going to fall if he moves even one tiny step left
oh fuck

Mary
potter is IN for it now 

Lily
...is he fine??

Dorcas
wow i have NEVER in my life seen mcgonagall so angry

Alice
...it's a rare talent 






___________




(Tuesday Night)



Barty
are you coming home late today?
mum didn't know so she told me to ask you

Dad
What kind of illiterate swine types that way, Barty?
Use your capitals and your grammar.

Barty
Oh, I'm so sorry, Father. Would you prefer a Letter in the Post tomorrow?!

Dad
No, that will not be required. 
Why are you still at home?

Barty
um
Um*
Why wouldn't I be?
I just got back from the School Lacrosse Festival Match.

Dad
Don't you have a job, yet?

Barty
I am... fifteen.
Also, it is 9 at night. 

Dad
I started my first job when I was twelve.
And I was certainly working till 11 every night.

Barty
i feel like i shouldn't have to tell you this
but child labor is illegal
and unpaid extra hours are severely looked upon

Dad
Capitals!

Barty
sorrY Father
thEre's dinner on the tablE
heAt it whEn u come
or don'T
muM's sleeping
i am going and finding a cApital joB
gOod fucKing nigHt

[unknown number]
Barty, mind your attitude!

Barty
(Seen at 9:37 pm)






____________




(Tuesday, 11:00 pm)



[unknown number]
FUCKING HELL DORCAS DID U SEE THAT FIT GUY WHO SCORED THE WINNING GOAL IN THE LACROSSE MATCH WITH DURMSTRANG ???? THE ONE WITH THE SEXY HAIR AND THE REALLY HOT BICEPS AND THE EYES??? I THINK I'M IN LOVE HE WAS SO CUTE??? HIS JERSEY SAID NO. 1??? IS HE THE CAPTAIN???WHAT'S HIS NAME AND WHERE DO I FIND HIM AND HOW DO I CONVINCE HIM TO MAKE BABIES WITH ME AND YEAH IK THAT'S NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE BUT LETS TRY ANYWAY?? and YES IK I'M NOT SPEAKING LIKE MYSELF BUT DID YOU SEE HIM??? I THINK I'VE SEEN HIM SOMEWHERE BEFORE BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER AND IT'S A FUCKING TRAVESTY

James
wow
i have never in my life imagined this happening and i have never laughed so much 
yeah 
this isn't dorcas

[unknown number]
typing...

James
dude im sure u could type for a day but u won't know what to do so lemme spare ur feelings
his name is sirius black and ya he's the captain
technically atleast
also he's my best mate and he's totally taken

[unknown number]
...
googling ways to kill myself rn, dw

James
haha who are u
tell me or i'll ask dorcas and she might even tell me for a "fair" price 

[unknown number]
wait
u know dorcas??
omg 
best mate??
ur that guy who fell off the top bleachers while cheering for him

James
sure am
sirius deserved my glorious and angelic fall

[unknown number]
...u fell on mcgonagall 
she screamed so loud my ears popped

James
glorious, i tell u
seriously tho
who are u
okay I'll go first
im james potter

[unknown number]
u really think after my disastrous first text , im gonna tell u my name?
ofc not
im gonna pretend like this never happened 
besides, if he's taken already
it doesn't matter 
so

James
well 
i say 'taken'
but
its more like a pathetic situation where he creepily stares at/stalks this guy in his lit class (tragic part is that they're not even in the same class anymore) and laments poetry at midnight abt his brown hair and his freckles and his sexy scars and abt how he doesn't know sirius exists 

[unknown number]
brown hair?? scars???

James
oh if uk dorcas, u probably know him too
his name's lupin
ive seen them hanging out sometimes

[unknown number]
lupin???

James
ya remus lupin 
the one who won the debate with beauxbatons last term 
and some spell bee?
and no, im not the one who stalks him
its that sirius remembers every single line of the rebuttal he spoke in the debate and at that point, he didn't even know his name, it was just 'hot scruffy guy who owned lestrange like a queen' and he still quoted him like he quotes lion king
ALSO he DESTROYED the snakes in marlene's party and there's nothing sexier than that in sirius's eyes
he's spiderman now except that hasn't caught on 

[unknown number]
bloody hell

James
....
i realise now that i shouldn't have told u all that
it just sort of came out
fuck
don't tell anyone please 
sirius will murder me

[unknown number]
too late for that
give him my number 
tell him hot scruffy guy/spiderman wants to talk to him

James
oh
OH
ohhhhhhhh hahaha what even is this
ridiculous 
here take sirius's number [7832870943]
make me godfather when u convince him to father ur kids 

Lupin
only if u don't show him my first text

James
its a done deal lupin






_____________

Chapter Text

______________



(Tuesday 12:00 am)



[unknown number]
hey
your friend james gave me your number
...this is sirius black, right?

Sirius
ffs I've told jamie to stop giving my number like that to anyone
who the fuck are you

[unknown number]
well alright if you're gonna be like that
just wanted to say congrats on winning today's match
i uh
i saw you playing

Sirius 
so did half the school mate
why the hell did james give you my number 

[unknown number]
you're a lot ruder than i imagined
just wanted to tell you something

Sirius
what?

[unknown number]
that i wouldn't be unwelcome to coffee this weekend 

Sirius
....
speaking as someone who's v v forward 
you might want to brush up on your pulling skills a bit
this didn't work

[unknown number]
well i wasn't trying much
after all
i hear you write poetry about my scars

Sirius
er
...
is this a prank, prongs?

[unknown number]
not quite
unless u don't actually think im hot and that my freckles are nice

Sirius
this isn't funny james

[unknown number]
yup james that's who gave me this number
im remus lupin
nice to meet u sirius black
well the first conversation was slightly hostile
im sure it'll be nice soon tho 

Sirius
i
i can't
one sec

[unknown number]
sirius?
btw is it fine if i call u you that?

Sirius
(Seen)

Remus (/or the worst prank in history)
well this certainly never happened to peter parker





_____________





Peter
james, is sirius fine??

James
...um
i wouldn't know
since im at home??
what's he done now

Peter
why did he just?? run out?? screaming like that??
wth is he doing
omg he's climbing on the THE REFRIGERATOR 
IT'S TOO HIGH WHAT IS HE DOING
he's like clawing at the frozen shelf door and shouting "IM GOING TO DIE SAD AND ALONE AND IT'S ALL PRONGS' FAULT""

James
....
i did not think some things out, it seems

Peter
neither did sirius
he's gonna get frostbite if he doesn't pull his head out of the ice box rn

James
pete get him down
im coming over





_____________



(Wednesday 7:30 am)



James
morning sirius
are u feeling better

Sirius
yeah james
I'll talk to him 
face to face okay
no issues
no worries at all in fact im so happy and not nervous at all in fact im going to go and just talk to him like we're friends and then we can laugh it off right that's easy okay im just gonna EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY AND ABSOLUTELY FINE AND

James
you're not asking him to marry you sirius
CALM DOWN
its gonna be fine
he seemed just ur type when he texted me
you're gonna hit it off instantly TRUST ME

Sirius
but he's 
he's yk
he's very pretty
and he talks very pretty

James
okay enough
LOOK HERE SIRIUS
YOU'RE LITERALLY THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN SCHOOL 
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT THIRTY EIGHT VALENTINES BACK WHEN WE WERE JUST TWELVE
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING FIT AND MUCH AS I HATE TO ADMIT IT, UR HAIR IS BLOODY AMAZING
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU AND LOVES YOU

Sirius
thirty nine*

James
THIRTY NINE VALENTINES
are u really gonna let some dorky kid from lit make u feel like this
YOU'RE SIRIUS FUCKING BLACK

Sirius
i am aren't i
i AM A CATCH

James
THAT'S IT
GO GET YOUR MAN

Sirius
YEAH 

James
AND TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE SCHOOL TODAY 

Sirius
ALRIGHT 

James
AND WHEN YOU TALK TO HIM, REMEMBER TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT COZ SOMETIMES YOU DROOL A LITTLE WHEN YOU SEE HIM

Sirius
OKAY




______________






Remus
dorcas?

Dorcas
yeah remus
you said you'll text me yesterday tho
you forgot didn't u

Remus
...not quite 
i texted someone else accidentally 

Dorcas
oh
oh is it all good

Remus
perfect meadowes 10/10 would recommend accidental texting for all matters of the heart

Dorcas
wtf
is that black?

Remus
knew you would recognize me, darling

Dorcas
uh
what are u doing with remus??

Remus
nothing 
YET
haha rem here is the funniest AND dirtiest fello
No i am not
bye dorcas I'll talk to you later

Dorcas
YOU BETTER 





______________



(Wednesday 2:00 pm)



Sirius
jamie
you were right 
I FUCKING LOVE YOU

James
having fuunnn kids?

Sirius
funny thing is
we're just watching a movie
and remus is bringing snacks
but THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE 
HE'S SO FUNNY JAMES AND SO SWEET
HE'S ONE OF US I'M TELLING YOU

James
ur so domestic already
if ur not careful
you'll turn into vanilla cringe like peter

Sirius 
oh dw prongs, we might be domestic BUT WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT VANILLA ;)

James
...i did not need to know that





_____________



(Wednesday 5:00 pm)



James added [Remus Lupin]


Peter
oh thank god

Remus
...hello?

Peter
celebratory apple pie because sirius finally got his head out of the ice box and made nice with you 
hey lupin 

Remus
so what im hearing is 
there's apple pie somewhere??
also hi peter 
is that ur whole little gang then sirius

Sirius
yes
im with james rn btw, and he's LITERALLY looking down at the screen and smiling 
like a proud dad

Remus
lol hello potter

James
hey remus
here's a totally random question to all present in this group chat
are any of you spiderman?

Peter
...pettigrew, man, not parker

Sirius
SOMETIMES YOU'RE SO SUBTLE JAMES IDKW what to do

Remus
am i missing something here? is this an inside joke?

Sirius
yeah it's an inside joke
inside james's stupid head
let him be
GUYSSS DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING UP

James
yeah!! swim try outs!! 

Sirius
...NO!!! term socials! 

Remus
you mean "budget prom?"

James
yeah yeah that too
i love term socials though
we do that dance class thing before it
to learn the "waltz"
well sirius and i used to go for the class and annoy everyone there but it was fun 

Sirius
haha yaa
should be fun
we've got nominations this year

Peter
still can't believe WE'RE the seniors





_____________





From:  Head of House  Gryffindor
<[email protected]> 
Sent:  Thursday, 9:20 AM
To:  Lily Evans <[email protected]>
Subject:  Regarding School First Term Socials Committee 


Dear Ms. Evans,

I trust this finds you well. 

Please find attached a schedule for the First Term Socials, to be held in two weeks (date, time, venue inclosed.) This, as recommended by me, and finally chosen by Headmaster Dumbledore is a schedule of the socials committee that (should you accept the responsibility) would take charge of. 

Extra Student Credits for the same shall be added to your files in due time. Headmaster Dumbledore feels that this would be a good way to get to know the school and it's students/culture better. 

Given below are the list of (10) students on the committee. You can obviously take help from other willing students as well. 

Please note : The Socials Committee is also responsible for the decorations/the theme of the night and ordering the required food.

Thank you!
With regards,
Minerva Mcgonagall.


 



_______________






Lily
marlene??
I NEED HELP
what is the school end term social thing??

Marlene
huh?
it's a dance
a party more like
but not exactly like prom
we've got some committee that plans it?

Lily
AND I'M THE HEAD OF THAT?

Mary
yeah i just got the email too
wanna meet up rn?
we'll talk and i can explain to you that it's nothing to worry about 

Lily
there's that chem project too?
and now this
and everything else
im gonna go crazy

Alice
lilyyyy come for coffee
marlene pick her up





______________



(Thursday 10:00 am)



Sirius
lads listen up
im with remus in the courtyard
AND
im holding the term socials prom queen nomination form and i was going to put in james's name for a lark BUT

James
annoyed but reluctantly impressed, continue 

Peter
...but?

Remus
i was too scared to ask

Sirius
im nominating snivellus

James
cheers
get me a form too
also get the prom king ones

Sirius
lucius malfoy for king r??
can u imagine snape and lucius dancing together

James
...i was going to nominate bellatrix but yes, lucius and snape does seem like the dream team 
"lucerus"

Remus
why am i friends with u 
also lucerus sounds like a disease 

James
fitting then
wait how about "sevious"
no wait even sirius and severus would be that too

Sirius
ew james wtf
heyy i got it 
"snafoy"

James
gold

Remus
why are u like this
why do i subject myself to this
why do i keep ANY of u around 

Sirius
all interesting questions 

James
well you keep me around because I’m the only smart one

Sirius
haha good one prongs

James
I AM??? I AM SO SMART

Remus
that's debatable 

Pete
i cook
 
Sirius
i have only five friends im afraid

Remus
....
pete does cook well yeah





_____________



(Thursday 11:00 am)



[unknown number]
hey evans

Lily
hello?
who's this?

[unknown number]
sirius
black 
james gave me your number
welll giving it might be a little far from the truth
but i took it from him
his phone

Lily
ohk?
why

Sirius
...i just wanted to chat

Lily
i
i- what
are u lonely, black?

Sirius
remus isn't in the same class as me!!! it's not my fault!! and i was bored and prongs is in love with you so he won't stop staring
funny that im texting u and he won't stop getting jealous of who you're texting
i love myself sometimes

Lily
prongs?
oh wait don't tell me
not because im going to guess
but because i really don't care
also, lupin's just in a different class calm down

Sirius
ik ik im just bored
TELL ME SOMETHING NEW EVANS

Lily
well
alright



_____________



(Thursday 3:00 pm)



James
i can't believe how lucky i am that i can do this
i love u sirius

(James added Lily Evans)

Lily
ohhh so just because i guessed what your stupid nicknames mean, im also in the stupid group?

James
it's really a process though 

Sirius
he's right
step one - james saw a girl
step two - sirius helped his stupid arse again 

Lily
i love how you shamelessly talk about ppl like they aren't there

Sirius 
it's how my mum used to talk about what a disappointment i am

Lily
wtf dude

Sirius
sorry can i not casually joke about my abusive childhood 

Lily
...
im sorry?!?!??

James
we've tried getting him help!!

Peter
the last therapist he went to, had to go to a therapist herself

Sirius
okay i was just joking about that! i just left those sessions
they were really boring

James
right 
can't believe u believed him pete

Peter
YOU BELIEVED IT TOO

Remus
we all are having a  l o n g  chat once im back





_____________



(Thursday 11:00 pm)



James
guyssss who's signing up for dance class with me tomorrow 
ive forgotten my childhood ball dance lessons and damn if im going, im not stepping on a lady's shoes
and NO FOOLING AROUND THIS TIME SIRIUS OK

Remus
what 'lady' do u think will go with u anyway?

James
does somehow being cruel to me at 1 at night make u feel better abt urself

Remus
that's a firm yes
it absolutely does yeah
also its 11* 

James
DANCE LESSONS LADS FOCUS

Peter
i wouldn't mind them
is it for girls and boys together? or?

James
yeah
some stuffy  cotillion governess who also teaches ball dance lessons? 

Peter
great
then I'll get mary to go with :)

Remus
# prongs just got ditched before he even got picked
harsh pete 
why don't u take sirius with u
he knows a lot abt all this, right?

Sirius
possibly more than the teacher 
im definitely not going if you actually want to learn
do i look like someone who wants to watch stumble around like a chicken 
THAT TOO UNIRONICALLY 

James
rude





______________



(Thursday 1:00 am)



Lily
sirius sirius sirius SIRIUS 

Sirius
wot

Lily
can i see ur handwriting?

Sirius
um
why
i haven't done anything! not even forgery!! 
okay only slight forgery but it was nothing important!! 
OKAY MAYBE IT WAS IMPORTANT but not in the long run!!!

Lily
ik ik
btw you would make a shit accomplice in a crime 
ALSO no i texted bcoz
its just im on the term social committee and i need someone who has a nice writing and can also sort of do calligraphy?

Sirius
let me get this straight 
u wanted someone to do calligraphy for u so... u texted me? Like??? ME???

Lily
but is ur handwriting nice?? 

Sirius
its like the handwriting of a racist and clinically insane high society woman 

Lily
works for me





____________

Chapter Text

____________



(Friday 10:00 am)


Sirius
hey re listen do u wanna go out on saturday night?? like no pressure 
just as friends (if u want)
uh
like. saturday and movie and food or sming
I'll just shut up now

Remus
oh hey sirius!! i would love to go out but 
im busy saturday night
and most of sunday
does monday work?

Sirius
busy? doing what?
actually nvm that's none of my business ofc
yea monday works but we can't be too late then

btw if ur just doing it to humor me, don't 

Remus 
oh god no im not sirius i swear i really want to go out alone with u!! and more than as friends if u want
im just busy on the weekend

Sirius 
ohh okay then :D
monday <33




___________




Sirius
james note down the dates
remus is "busy" on saturday and sunday

James
ur crazy padfoot

Sirius
maybe but there's some pattern to his disappearances and im gonna find out

James
pattern?? I'M the one who told u abt him disappearing?? where the hell did u manage to find a pattern?

Sirius
well okay but there IS one and i will find it

James
sirius really

Sirius
just note it down wiLL yOu


____________



(Friday 2:00 pm)


Peter
me and mary are going guys!! for the dance class!! 

Sirius
james is not
james is sulking

Remus
[camera.shot.2.jpg]
james is moping
james is staring out the window like he's about to die

Peter
sorry prongs
if it helps
 uhm
...i have nothing that can help
u can third wheel maybe?

James 
ur right
u DON'T have anything that can help

Peter
we've reached :)

James
we don't need live updates pete ur literally still on campus

Peter 
i was just going to say hi to evans by u
(who btw is looking quite nice)
but if u don't live updates then...

James
what??? pete?? what? she's there??? NO I WANT LIVE UPDATES

Peter
(Seen at 2:12 pm)

Sirius
well played wormy, well played

James
im SORRY!!

Peter
(Seen at 2:15 pm)

Remus
savage

Sirius
classy

James
no



___________



(Friday 3:34 pm)


Lily
i think i just broke the dance instructors toe
im slightly panicking 

Remus
what???
how?

Lily
i stepped a little too hard
just a smidge

Remus
erm
is she okay?
are u okay??
lily????
lilyy pls reply
okay I'll ask pete



_____________




Remus
pete hows the dance instructor??
where's lily btw

Peter
ah u know 
class obv got canceled
im at the cafe with mary
dance instructor is at the infirmary
she's a bitch btw
she kept talking about the fucking theory and history of ball dancing which the "peasants did not learn for a reason" and insulting everyone who didn't know her stupid questions 
me and mary are quitting dance
lily's with mcgonagall 

Remus
is she in real trouble???

Peter
maybe
she's definitely not getting to go to another dance class




___________





Sirius
hey evans
heard what happened

Lily
i didn't mean to!! i swear!! the teacher just had really delicate bones 
also she might have pissed me off
slightly
very very slightly 
if uk what i mean

Sirius
oh believe me, ik
umbridge is the one who taught me dance
toad faced bitch 

Lily
...dance??
like uk actual ballroom dance??

Sirius
ex-heir to the most noble and ancient house of black (but very white) arses so yes ofc i do
i probably learnt how to bow and dance and set five different types of fork on a table before i learnt how to talk properly 

Lily
that sounds extensive 
but hey
will u teach me?? mcgonagall's banned me from going for umbridge's class but i also actually want to learn

Sirius
my toes are definitely more delicate than umbridge's 
its all the inbreeding

Lily
what?
no no how abt u watch and give me instructions from far away and i get a dummy to dance with me

Sirius
...do i know the dummy ur thinking of?

Lily
u might have come across him a time or two, yeah

Sirius
hahah perf 
weekend then 
don't be late evans

Lily
ofc 'lord black'




____________



(Friday 5:00 pm)


Lily
hey potter
wanna attend a few dance lessons with me?

James
me??? 

Lily
yes

James
okay

Lily
see u on saturday potter

James
brill

Lily
also about the chem project

James
im free from tuesday, anytime

Lily
ooh ok! we'll plan when to meet during dance tomorrow if that's ok?

James
cool evans




___________




James
[screenshot.6.jpg]
i was anything but cool

Remus
ya ik i heard u scream through the wall




____________



(Saturday 10:00 am)



Regulus
heyy barty
where are you

Barty
history
don't you have physics rn?

Regulus
i do, yes

Barty
...i have binns
that's why im texting
how are you texting in mcgonagall's class?

Regulus
bold of you to assume im in the class
i already know what she's teaching
and you're not listening to binns anyway
wanna ditch?

Barty
...I'll be at the café in five

Regulus
brillant




____________



(Saturday 11:00 am)



Sirius 
pete pete pete where're my promised lemon bars?

Peter
(Seen at 11:08 am)

Sirius
omg. omg u did not just do that

Peter
...eh
i never promised u any lemon bars pads

Sirius
are u sure about that? are u a one hundred percent certain that you didn't??

Peter
yes

Sirius
[screenshot.3.jpg.]
[screenshot.4.jpg.]

Peter
you're kidding aren't u
this is like last year
and u blackmailed me

Sirius
but u said yes

Peter
because u!! blackmailed!!! me!!

Sirius
but u said YES

Peter
fuck u 
honestly i don't even have enough cornstarch rn

Sirius
beg, borrow, steal¿

Peter
(Seen at 11:13 am)

Sirius
🥺  I'll be by at 12 for my bars

Peter
....
alright fine ok I'll make them



___________



(Saturday 1:00 pm)



Peter
sirius??? i was waiting?? you didn't come?

James
what? i haven't seen him anywhere either 
i thought he was at your house
wtf
sirius??? are you alright??

Peter
i haven't seen him since lunch
sirius reply if you see these
he's probably pulled yk we're worrying for nothing 

James
its the first week and he's with lupin, remember
SIRIUS IF YOU SEE THESE, FUCKING REPLY OKAY



_____________




Regulus
potter listen
andromeda just called me
like rn

James
what?? what about??

Regulus 
have u seen sirius anywhere?

James
no i haven't 
I've been looking everywhere 
he isn't picking up any of my calls

Regulus 
fuck

James
you're kinda scaring me regulus wtf happened
where's sirius

Regulus
i 
i just 
mother died today morning 

James
oh
oh god i don't know what to say

Regulus 
you don't need to say anything
it
it was a suicide 

James
shit

Regulus 
she wrote a letter saying that it's all sirius's fault and that he destroyed our family and that it was his fault that he poisoned me too and that's why i did what i did
fuck i hate her so much
i hate them all so much
andromeda said that bella called sirius first so that he would see the fucking letter
sirius did and then he took off

James
that's so fucked up
oh god
where do you think sirius will be
are you alright?? nvm that's a stupid question
please just meet me at the quad
or should i pick you up??

Regulus 
yeah no im fine im fine
ya im fine
totally
completely okay
never better 
pick me up though please

James
...regulus?

Regulus
god im dying 




_____________

Chapter Text

______________



(Saturday 2:10 pm)



Sirius
james
im in the shack

James
oh thank fucking god
I've been looking everywhere for u

Sirius
sorry

James
no no it's okay i get it
I'll be there in five ok?

Sirius
right 
where's reg 

James
he's with me

Sirius 
ok




___________





Barty
regulus?? reg??
i just heard
im so sorry
can i help in anyway?

Regulus
i
yeah sure
could u come over
sirius isn't speaking at all
potter's stopped trying
i really feel like talking to someone

Barty
at ur flat? im coming hold on 

Regulus
yk sirius isn't even crying
potter's crying
im crying
sirius is just staring out of the window
and then randomly 
he just starts laughing

Barty
fuck 
he'll be fine regulus
ppl just have. different ways of dealing with things

Regulus
ik
he's just 
he doesn't cry you know? he can't cry
he's scared of crying 
when he was really small
mother would lock sirius in the cellar if he cried
he never cries
it's all her fault
he won't even cry on her funeral

Barty
idk what to say 
god
i just want to hug you rn
im coming in a second
do u want any food?

Regulus
sirius likes cake

Barty
okay

Regulus 
sirius hates her
and she's dead now
and he still hates her
and he's trying to not hate her
but
it's not working
and he doesn't like it when things don't work
he's scared of failing too 
she really fucked him up uk
fucked us up 

Barty
it's going to be okay regulus
i swear it'll all be fine
okay
im at your door

Regulus
it's all mother's fault
all her fault 
"rest in peace"
i hope she fucking doesn't 
i hope she boils in hell

Barty
open the door regulus please 




____________





[unknown number]
Good evening Regulus.
Your Aunt Druella this side.
Cygnus and I will be in London as soon as we can. 

Regulus
okay
do you know if father is on a business trip?
he hasn't picked up a single call
i thought he was in london

Aunt Dracula 
Orion sent me the message in the afternoon. He is in London. He must be busy with the funeral arrangements.

Regulus 
right
of course
of course he's too busy to pick up our call
it's only his bloody wife who's killed herself

Aunt Dracula 
Yes. I am sure you and Sirius understand. 

Regulus 
ohhh yes we totally do




____________


( Saturday  5:15 pm)



Sirius
hey remus

Remus
hey sirius!! how are u

Sirius
um 
not very well

Remus
ohh 
what happened?? 

Sirius
i
I'll tell u
can u come though? i'll explain
it would make me 
um 
feel better ig

Remus
oh fuck
sirius im really sorry i just can't come right now
i really can't 

Sirius
oh 
ok
no worries

Remus
i swear im not saying it for no reason
i really can't come

Sirius
yeah whatever
no problem 
anyway
my mum committed suicide in the morning
she said it was my fault

Remus
oh god
im so so sorry sirius
i wish i could come right now

Sirius
what ru doing? that ur so busy with?

Remus
sirius
i can't explain

Sirius
ok

Remus
I'll try to come when i can i promise 
im just really busy

Sirius
(Seen)

Remus 
fuck 
im sorry sirius

Sirius
it's fine idc




____________



(Sunday 4:03 am)



Remus
caradoc? medical please

Caradoc
be there in five
are u okay, btw?
u usually don't call me so early

Remus
i need to be somewhere 
also my arms hurt i can't text 
pls come

Caradoc
alright alright 
but u do know u can't actually... be anywhere right now right??
ur gonna have injuries
bad ones

Remus
thanks so very much for that heads up!! i had no idea i would have bad injuries! all better now :)

Caradoc
alright mr sarcasm im at ur door

Remus
key under the fourth stone on the left 

Caradoc
oh ok
ur transformed and all btw right?

Remus
...no caradoc. im typing with my furry paws

Caradoc
just checking!!

Remus
i change back in the woods u dumbfuck
i walk back home human
crawl
or something 
idk what i do

Caradoc
this whole non human thing will never stop being fascinating btw 

Remus
will u focus on the goddamn door
i can hear the keys rattling again and again ffs
and i really do want to go somewhere 

Caradoc 
is this about ur little boyfriend again

Remus
im fairly sure he's taller than u
but yeah it is
i need to tell him
about me ... about all this

Caradoc 
woah woah what? ur gonna TELL him?
oh hey the door opened

Remus
ur the worst doctor in the world :/ will u just come inside and help me???

Caradoc
that's coz im not a doctor
i left med school first year
i only ever treat u

Remus
im well aware and if u don't walk inside the house right now
i swear I'll cry

Caradoc 
"well aware"
aWARE
ha

Remus
im crying dearborn
u made me cry





_____________