Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

2020 fucking sucked. This is both a true fact and a statement that managed to be less controversial than ‘water is wet’. As 2020 drew to a close records of social media show that people were making predictions of what 2021 might bring, because surely anything to top 2020 would have to be extreme. All of this of course was done in jest, a mutual way of relieving stress through humour.

As the next year rolled in things continued more or less as they were and of course everyone on Earth had a lot to deal with, so it took a little time to notice. Though, if you consult old star charts and data from various space agencies the earliest date that any of this could have been picked up was the first of January, 2021.

On that date Gliese 876 d, a ‘super-Earth’ exoplanet orbiting a red dwarf star fifteen lightyears away from Earth should have passed by its sun. The planet itself had been discovered in 2005 and the majority of what could be discovered about the planet at the current level of technology had already been discovered. As such, Gliese 876 d was not being closely watched and it took what astrophysysists would grudgingly admit to being ‘way too fucking long’ to realise that Gliese 876 d had not, in fact, passed before its star.

The moment this was discovered many investigations were held, was this a malfunction of equipment, interference from something else or perhaps a data error? Scientific agencies across the world quietly talked to each other and none of them had seen Gliese 876 d cross its star.

Planets don’t simply evaporate for no reason and the orbit of this particular ‘Super-Earth’ was perfectly stable. There was no debris field to suggest that something had come and obliterated it, it was simply… gone.

The star in question had four planets to its name and Gliese 876 c had a blessedly short trip about Gliese 876 itself, its year was a mere thirty days long. Scientists waited with interest, and waited… and waited. The day that Gliese 876 c should have crossed its star and been observable came and went without it ever being observed.

The planets were going missing.

The news was met with confusion and horror from the general public. Also, because people are people, with memes. ‘Shit, and here I felt bad for losing my ____, NASA lost a whole damn planet’, that sort of thing. More and more stars were surveyed and more and more planets designated missing. It revealed two key pieces of information.

Firstly, that planets were going missing. No destruction or rubble remains, they are simply gone.

Secondly, whatever was causing this… was coming closer.

At the rate this phenomenon was moving Earth had fifteen years before it, too, would be gone.

It was widely agreed upon that 2020 could get fucked, but 2021 deserved to be taken out back and shot.

Earth, however, was not the only planet facing this crisis. And while Earth was struggling to suddenly invent feasible space travel for as many people as possible another species already had that covered. Unfortunately trolls as a species have been space faring for a great deal of time and are very confident about knowing how space works and thus devote little to no energy into scientifically investigating it.

The first the trolls hear about the force that erases planets is one very puzzled report from a small long range ship scouting for resources. The report stated that planets that should be there weren’t and could the empire please advise. Said report was disregarded and it took many months and several disciplinary complaints before it became apparent that the ship was no more either.

More important people in the Alternian military put the disappearance of that first ship down to helmsman error or perhaps space debris colliding with the ship. A quarter sweep later another ship made a similar report and this ship vanished mid call to the fleet to which it belonged.

The troll species finally uncovered the same disappearance problems that the humans had and hastily gathered their young from Alternia along with the mother grubs and all that entails.

Several sweeps after the evacuation Alternia vanishes and the trolls, now forced to be entirely nomadic set themselves to the task of running from whatever force is sweeping the universe.

There are plenty of stories about how humans pulled together, changed their societal structure to be able to produce enough ships to launch everyone into space. There are plenty of notable tales there, including a billionaire’s private ship packed with other hyper wealthy individuals which crashed into a car in space and promptly exploded.

There are also plenty of papers, movies and books about how the two species met, how they were able to communicate as humans broadcast their words into space. It might be fascinating to look at how the two species met, their cultures merging, languages changing, and both uniting to save themselves as they run from their encroaching end.

But, this isn’t that story. This story begins several generations on from the date that humans left Earth and it begins with a wedding.

The story itself picks up in the year 2107. This would be a different number if people were still using Alternian sweeps and perigees but no one does, that numbering system was one of the first casualties of the human/troll hybrid culture and lingers only anachronistically in language. Specifically our story begins on one particular ship soaring through space avoiding the wave of destruction, but even more specifically than that, in an office piled up with computer parts. We could even narrow this down to one person in particular.

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you are done with people. This is nothing new, not for you personally or even new for you today. You lean over the opened up husktop and grimace, it doesn’t look good to say the least.

"Sollux..."

"No." you say back immediately as you dig in your drawer for a screwdriver.

"But I didn't even ask you anything yet." your coworker whines.

"I know that tone of voice, you want something. So, no." you tell him.

Ah, a screwdriver! No, wait, wrong head. You toss it back in your drawer and rummage again. The sound of slightly squeaky wheels from Hal's computer chair fills the air as he scoots over to you. He leans back on his chair and gives you an overdramatically sad look.

"You didn't even listen to what I wanted." he pouts.

"So you admit that you want something." you snort and locate your screwdriver finally.

"Alright, you got me. I wanted to ask you something, but it's important and I'm not trying to palm work off onto you." Hal says, holding his hands up in surrender.

You eye him suspiciously and start unscrewing one corner of the husktop you have in front of you. You have to put a little pressure on it, the battery inside the case has popped and expanded so much that it burst one corner of the case open so getting the rest open without breaking anything is tough.

"Here's the thing, I wanted to ask you something important. Will you be my date?" Hal asks.

Your screwdriver skids clean off of the screw in your shock and as you stare at Hal the whole screw pops out and pings off of a wall behind you somewhere.

"Eesh that looks bad." Hal remarks casually and leans over to eye the inside of the husktop.

"Forget the husktop! You just- Hal, you know I'm Aradia's matesprit and I can't think you're propositioning me in any other quadrant. You've never been anything close to pale with me, I don't have a kismesis for you to middle leaf for and we don't hate each other so what the fuck?" you say in a rush.

Hal leans his elbow on your desk and grins at you all sly and conniving.

"Ah, see, I don't have your agreement but I do have your attention." he all but purrs.

"I'm going to stab you with this screwdriver." you warn him.

"Okay, okay, let me start at the beginning now I know that you're listening to me. You know how Dirk's getting married like next week?" Hal says a little more seriously.

"Yeah?" you frown, you don't really know Dirk but you've met him in passing before when the other Striders have been around.

"Right, well, so it's about the guest list you see or the groom’s party. Whatever. Point is Roxy's got Cirava as her date, Rose is taking Kanaya, Dave's bringing Jade, or well she'd be there anyway because she's Jake's sister so of course she's there. Then June's got Terezi as her plus one and Jane's taking Bronya." Hal lists off.

"And that has anything to do with me how?" you ask.

"Well, I- listen, I might have said that I have a plus one to bring and said that I was dating someone too and I don't have a date still and... would you be my date?" Hal asks hopefully.

"So you're asking me so it's a symmetry thing when everyone's lined up? If you just needed a friend to go with you then you should have opened with that instead of being audio clickbait." you grumble and move back to the husktop.

"Yeah, about that. I definitely said it was a romantic thing and I'd need you to pretend like it was." Hal says with a wince.

"I've been with Aradia since I was thirteen, you think I'm going to toss almost ten years of happy and stable matespritship down the load gaper for your flat ass?" you scoff and go back to unscrewing the husktop.

Hal sighs and fidgets in his chair for a moment before talking again, his voice a little quieter.

"Look, man, I don't actually want to date you. We're friends and no offence but I'm just not into you like that even though you're the only person who works in this department that I can stand but..." Hal hesitates and stalls for time by tidying up your desk a little until you whack him on the knuckles with your screwdriver.

"I've never dated anyone. I used to like Jake too, not that I still do or anything, but all the others have someone to bring. They're all happy and in love or whatever and I'm... it's just a big deal and I didn't want to go all by myself. Just pretend to be dating me for one evening. I'm not actually trying to get between you and Aradia I swear, I just don't want..." Hal trails off into silence.

You take the final screw out and sigh. When you look over at Hal he seems genuinely despondent. He really is more than just a work friend, it started that way but you do like him. He puts up with your shit when you're acting like a complete asshole and he can give as good as he gets, he's the only other genuinely competent person that you work with and he doesn't feel the need to chatter constantly which means you can both focus and when you do talk it's because you want to. You play games together sometimes, grab dinner after work occasionally. It's nice. You don't want to date him though.

"I get why you don't want to go alone, but no." you say kindly but firmly.

"I thought you might say that." Hal says with a deep breath and shifts to take something out of his back pocket.

You watch as Hal slides a small handmade book across your desk. It's a little smaller than palm sized and clearly stapled together in the middle. On the front in clear letters reads IOU. Out of sheer morbid curiosity you open the book and feel your eyebrows raise as you start to read the slips inside.

Hal Strider will tell whatever lie Sollux Captor wants to the higher ups.
Hal Strider will cover one holiday shift for Sollux Captor.
Hal Strider will deal with any face to face clients for a month.
Hal Strider will admit that Sollux Captor won "that game" of Mortal Kombat XXI: Devastation and that Hal Strider was using cheaty bullshit moves.

Your eyebrows raise at that one, that's been a point of contention for over a year and both of you have insisted that you were the real winner. This isn't just an extensive book of favours this is offering up actual emotional humiliation, that's big.

Aradia would probably think the whole situation was funny and she probably wouldn't mind, neither of you has ever been concerned about the other one cheating. You're just not like that.

"I wouldn't cheat on Aradia." you point out.

"I said I'm not asking you to, don't want you to either." Hal insists.

"No, what I mean is no one else is going to believe I would either. So there's no point asking me as a romantic date, I'll go as your friend but no one's going to buy that I'd cheat on AA by showing up to a public event with you as your date." you explain.

"I know, but they need to buy it. You can just say that you broke up, that we just started dating and then afterwards you can say it didn't work out because neither of us are really into each other and you got back with Aradia. Like I was your rebound or something." Hal says desperately.

"Literally no one would buy that." you tell him flatly.

"So lie convincingly! Sollux, I'm literally begging you here. Please, I really REALLY don't want to show up alone. I don't care if you think it's stupid but it really matters to me, please? Please?" Hal begs, literally begs with his hands clasped together and everything.

You look at your friend's desperate expression and then at the book of IOUs. Aradia would probably think this whole thing is funny as hell.

"Alright, I'll lie but I'm telling you no one's going to buy it." you say with a shrug and cover the book of IOU's with your hand so he can't take it back.

"As long as you try then the rest is my problem. Shit, thank you so much, I owe you so bad." Hal says in relief.

"You absolutely do. Now," you pause and rip one IOU in particular out and flick it at his face, "admit you lost."

Hal's face twists and you can see him grinding his teeth for a moment before he grits the words out.

"I absolutely lost that Mortal Kombat game, my moves were cheap little bitch moves and you're the better player and won fair and square." it really looks like it HURTS to say and you love it.

"Oh this is going to be good." you snicker and put the book in your pocket so you can look through it properly later.

Hal grumbles and squeaks his way back to his side of the room on his badly maintained chair but he thanks you all the same on the way.

When your shift finally ends you make a detour down to the nearest retail area and pick up a few things, shower gel, instant coffee, that kind of thing. You share an app with Aradia for anything you need to get for your hive and check them off and since she doesn’t seem to have added anything to it you take the train back to your residential block. The train is mostly full of people on the same shift as you heading back to their own hives but there are a few people from earlier shifts who are clearly going to dinner, kids on the way back from school. It’s not so packed on the train that you have to stand but you’ve been sitting down all day so it’s good to have a change.

You tap your hand to the scanner outside of your hive and the door opens.

“AA, I’m home.” you call out as you step inside.

You hang your jacket on the hook by the door and then spot that you’ve got sauce on it somehow so grudgingly you take it off again and toss it towards your open respiteblock door. You peer around the corner and see that your desk is empty and Aradia isn’t on the sofa with her husktop, and you can’t hear the shower going either.

“Aradia?” you call once more and pull the instant coffee from your bag and toss it on the side by your mini fridge and sink.

Going into your respite block you find that she’s not there either, not that it’s hard to look since the block is big enough for your double bed, one nightstand and has just enough room to move around and still hit your shins on the bed every time. The ablutionblock is likewise empty, she must not be home yet.

You shrug and sit at your desk, you shoot Karkat a message but it autoresponds that he’s on shift right now so you won’t hold your breath on a speedy reply. With nothing better to do you boot up the latest game that you’ve fixated on and kill most of your night with that. When it becomes clear that Aradia won’t be home for dinner you order in for yourself, then eat it and still kick ass at your game at the same time.

Aradia wakes you when she finally climbs into bed. She gives you some quiet apology about where she was but you’re too tired to hear it and so you just pull her closer to curl up around your back and go back to sleep. You only remember to tell her about the Hal thing when you’re on the train to work the next morning. Shit, well, this isn’t really a conversation you want to have over trollian so you’ll just talk to her next time.

The next time is another night when her work overruns, the time after that you and Hal are on lates for three days in a row so whenever you get home Aradia’s asleep. It just keeps happening that you’re never both awake or awake enough to have the conversation and it’s only on the day of the wedding that you realise that you never told her about what’s happening.

You’re partway through buttoning up your one nice white shirt when that particular realisation hits. You curse at yourself but even though this is a dumb as shit favour you can’t bail on Hal an hour before you’re meant to be there. You’re just going to have to leave her a message.

With that decided you hurriedly put on your shoes, straighten up your tie and grab your jacket. You’ve only got the one suit, the one you got for Aradia’s graduation. Her graduation for her degree that is, not the high school graduation you both had at the same time. It still fits and it’s fancy enough for a wedding, Hal had told you that you didn’t have to go all out but a regular suit would be fine. You check yourself over in the mirror, brush your hair one last time and hurry out to catch the train. When you’re finally sat down on the train you shoot Aradia the message that you need to send her.

hey aa, kiind of dumb 2iituatiion that ii’m iin riight now. ii agreed two be Hal’2 date for hii2 brother’2 weddiing, but he diidn’t want anyone to know that we weren’t ju2t friiend2. ii told hiim no one would buy iit because we’re together but he 2aiid two liie anyway. ii wa2 goiing two tell you 2ooner but ii kept mii22iing you, tell you all about iit later

You hit send just before the train whooshes out of a tunnel and you realise that your stop is coming up soon. You flick your palmhusk onto do not disturb and shove it in your pocket, you’ve no desire to be one of those people at a wedding constantly taking pictures when there are other people paid for that. Besides you don’t massively care that Dirk is getting married, you’re just here because Hal owes you.

At the next station you step out and head towards the ship’s central park, it’s super pricey to rent out any part of this space for an actual event but you guess that Jake being the Captain’s grandson probably helps with that. You tip your head back as you walk through the park and enjoy the artificial sunshine from above. It’s not hard to spot the white tent across the park and it’s a nice walk over anyway.

A small temporary fence surrounds the wedding’s blocked off area and when you follow it around to the entrance you find two burly guards in suits standing there.

“Invitation?” one asks.

“I, uh, don’t have one. But I’m Hal’s plus one, he told me to come so…” you hesitate.

“No invitation, no entrance.” the second guard growls at you, flashing his fangs as he talks.

You’re halfway to pulling out your palmhusk when Hal’s voice cuts over.

“He’s with me! Let him in!” Hal shouts.

Looking around the mountain of a troll in front of you, sure enough there’s Hal and Dave carrying a large table between them, although it seems to be giving Hal more trouble than Dave. The two trolls guarding the entrance step aside and let you in.

“You made it.” Hal sighs in relief.

“I did, do you want me to carry that or something?” you offer, letting your offered hand crackle with psi.

“Ugh, please.” Hal nods and so you lift it gently out of their hands.

“I’ll grab the centrepieces before Dirk flips eight kinds of shit. Meet you out back.” Dave says quickly and rushes off again.

“Everything ok?” you ask.

“It’s a wedding, so no. Last minute changes to shit. There’s apparently too many tables in there for when the ceremony happens so we’re moving them outside and then we’ve got to put centrepieces and drinks on them for the other guests when they get here which should be now so come on, let me show you where it goes.” Hal says in a rush and drags you off around the back of the tent.

With Hal’s direction you set the table where it needs to go and help hurriedly ferrying things back and forth. You have help though, it turns out that Cirava is here too. They work in Electrical Engineering so you have some contact with them through work. You get people’s stupid IT problems but sometimes their problems are because something has gone awry in their area of the ship and Cirava, although wildly unmotivated, does actually do a good job when they do work and you’re on decent terms. Also it turns out that they’re dating Hal’s sister Roxy which you didn’t know. Or maybe you have been told but just cared so little that you didn’t remember, that’s happened before.

“When did that happen?” you ask curiously as a distant Hal drags a table around the corner and indicates that you should pick it up.

“Couple’a years ago. We get high and play video games together, also I set up her whole streaming deal. It’s nice, chill.” Cirava nods lazily.

“Huh, I didn’t know. Cool.” you nod.

It’s funny, you don’t really know Hal’s siblings all that well. You know the ones that are your age better. Dave, Rose and June, but the ones that are Hal’s age not so much. You know OF them obviously and you’ve seen them at plenty of social things where the Striders and Egberts are present but it’s not like you hang out with them. It’s a big ship after all.

“Holy shit the rarest thing just happened,” Dave says pausing at your side while holding two glass vases, “I saw Karkat coming before I heard him.”

“No way.” you snort.

You and Dave have never hung out together all that much but you do share a mutual appreciation for irritating Karkat and you, honestly, respect that in a guy. Dave snickers and hurries off.

“You’re here with Hal though, right? Didn’t know he was seeing you, Roxy would’ve talked my spongeclots off about it I’d have thought.” Cirava says with a raised eyebrow.

Right, the lie.

“Oh, yeah. Well, it’s new. We’re… dating.” you lie.

Cirava looks at you and then nods vaguely, one thing you’ve always liked about them is that they don’t ask too many questions.

“Cool.” is all they say.

Karkat walks around the edge of the tent and Cirava suddenly finds other places to be, which is dumb. It’s not as if Karkat’s uptight about any of the illicit substances that Cirava might mention but you guess they don’t know Karkat so well, they can just see his job from the symbols on his tie.

“Sollux, hey, what’re you doing here?” Karkat asks you as he walks over.

“I’m the blood sacrifice that they do at human weddings, they’re going to cut me open on one of these tables.” you explain and gesture to the tables behind you.

“Shit, really?” Gamzee asks lazily as he catches up to Karkat and leans over him, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s shoulders and resting his chin between Karkat’s nubby horns.

You meet Gamzee’s gaze and the same look passes between the two of you as it has done thousands of times before. You don’t like him and he doesn’t like you, he thinks you want to steal Karkat from him and you think he doesn’t deserve Karkat.

“No, not really. Humans don’t do blood sacrifices.” Karkat says oblivious to the frosty air between you and Gamzee.

“That’s what you think.” a voice interrupts you.

“You don’t know what we’ve got up our sleeves!” another adds.

Gamzee shifts out of the way revealing Jane and Rose with sneaky expressions on their faces. You sense trouble.

“There’s no blood sacrifices!” Karkat insists.

“We’ll see. So… Sollux, my dearest older brother informed us that you’re his date for this most wondrous event.” Rose purrs.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you were invited. I know you work with Hal but still.” Karkat chips in and looks at you curiously.

“He said it was a romantic date.” Jane adds with a sly expression.

Karkat’s eyes nearly bug out and you know what’s coming and what’s worse is that Hal had been quite specific about this.

“You’re Hal’s moirail now?! The fuck?! You never told me!” Karkat shouts.

“I’m… not. It’s red.” you say.

Everyone around you suddenly and loudly says some variation of ‘wait, what?!’, ‘bullshit’ or ‘what about Aradia?!’ so it all gets jumbled up.

“We broke up, but now me and Hal are together.” you lie.

“Not in a million years. That’s the least convincing lie I’ve ever heard.” Rose says flatly.

“No way you’d just break up with Aradia and be fine with it, or be broken up with and be okay at all. I’d have heard everything about it and you’d be a mess from that breakup. There’s no way in the universe that the two of you split up silently as anything and you just start dating someone else and this is the first I hear of it. No way.” Karkat agrees, entirely correctly.

You shrug, offering no further details.

“Why’d you two break up?” Gamzee asks, his purple eyes sharp on you.

“None of your fucking business is why.” you tell him sharply.

“Okay, okay, let’s say that we buy this. Which I think we’re all united in not buying this at all, yes? Ok, so assuming that it’s none of our business why Aradia and Sollux supposedly broke up, which we all think they haven’t, why are you dating my brother? Hmm?” Jane asks sweetly.

“Yes, do tell us what about Hal was so captivating to you that you had to date him.” Rose agrees deviously.

Well, this isn’t so hard, you do like Hal so you can embellish a little here.

“We work together. He’s one of the only people that I work with that I haven’t frequently fantasised about strangling with an ethernet cord. He’s smart, he’s fun and he doesn’t endlessly yammer on about insignificant shit. I like him.” you say with a shrug.

“How fantastically platonic sounding. You’re friends, yeah, but you’re not dating. Why would you lie about this? Is there an in joke I’m not getting?” Karkat frowns.

“Indeed. Dave, a moment.” Rose says, snagging Dave as he walks past carrying a tray of drinks. To his credit he doesn’t drop or spill any and you’re actually a little impressed by that.

“Seriously?” Dave huffs in irritation but nevertheless holds the tray out to all of you.

You take the chance to snag a drink, it’ll be helpful to have something to buy you a moment of silence if they ask you anything really hard and something to cover your expressions a little bit.

“When was the last time that you saw Aradia?” Rose asks Dave.

“Yesterday, when we were doing drills, why?” Dave asks.

“Apparently she and Sollux are broken up, did you know this? Did she seem upset when you saw her?” Rose asks him and Dave looks at you in wide eyed shock.

“What? What? No! She was fine when I saw her, when did this happen?” Dave gasps.

You’re not going to tell everyone you were cheating on Aradia with Hal, but you also need it to be recent or else people will ask questions. You wish you knew how long it’d been since Hal started claiming he was seeing someone but you oh so smartly didn’t ask.

“You know like a week ago,” wait no, too soon, “more like two actually. Closer to two.”

Dave’s black and red eyes narrow at you and you know they’re just cybernetic and they can’t actually see right through you but it doesn’t feel that way.

“Hoofbeast. Shit. I’ve seen ‘radia loads since then and she’s been fine. Girl might be cool but she’s not made of ice, she’d have told us if you two had broken up. You two have been together longer than me an’ Jade. No way.” Dave says and hands his now mostly empty tray off to Jane and pulls his palmhusk out and starts typing.

Shit, here’s hoping Aradia’s up for playing along.

“There’s no way.” Karkat says in the silence.

“The more interesting question is why would Sollux go with a lie this obvious and why would Hal go along with it?” Rose wonders all while Dave keeps typing away and pausing then typing.

“Hal didn’t have a date before and then he did, that mystery person, remember?” Jane points out.

“This is a lot to go to for that and why would Sollux care enough to do this?” Rose asks and eyes you.

Dave shoves his palmhusk away and looks at you suspiciously.

“What’d she say?” Karkat asks, though clearly everyone wants to know. Including you.

“That they sort of drifted apart and she guesses it's over? Which I guess explains why she wasn’t weird about it during work. Maybe?” Dave says, clearly not fully bought into Aradia’s clever lie.

“No way. Uh-uh.” Karkat growls and takes his own palmhusk out.

“Maybe we should ask Hal about this, get more details.” Jane suggests.

“We’ve kind of got a wedding to deal with.” Dave reminds her.

“Oh, is Dirk in a fuss?” Jane asks with a wince.

“Of course. Rox and Hal are trying with him but you know, plus Jade’s calming Jake down. Everyone’s freaking out.” Dave sighs.

“Huh, I guess you blew it.” Gamzee drawls and you realise he’s reading Karkat’s palmhusk as he leans over him. Karkat must be asking Aradia much the same thing as Dave was.

“Shut it.” you snap.

Karkat squints at you dubiously, you’re pretty sure that he doesn’t buy this at all, no matter what AA said. All the same you find an excuse to slip away from the group and then get caught up helping different people. It’s not hard to dodge people who know you well so you can mostly escape scrutiny. You see Hal a fair few times but he breathlessly promises you that as soon as you get to sit and have food he can actually hang out with you, until then it seems like he’s helping keep everything working.

The wedding is interesting. You know that Hal’s first language is Spanish, same with all the Striders but you’ve almost never heard them speak it. You also know that Jake’s first language is English, same as his Grandmother. The language the two actually share is Alternian so the whole ceremony is conducted in that. You’re not sure what area this wedding is traditional to, you’re not sure exactly where the Strider’s family is from ancestrally and their adoptive Egbert family is Chinese, you don’t recall where the Captain’s family was from either so it’s all pretty fascinating for you.

The vows are essentially making a binding legal agreement that this will be a permanent and exclusive matespritship and there’s all sorts of talk about sticking together through adversity and such. Karkat cries because of course he does. The two humans swap rings and kiss then you all get to applaud, there’s more drinks and photographs outside then. You can’t help but notice that the only drinks you’ve managed to snag so far are non-alcoholic but you’ve not got much time to look for anything else as you’re busy trying to avoid everyone as much as you can.

When you were all outside being photographed or in your case, avoiding Kanaya trying to corner you in a pincer movement with Bronya, the event staff were turning the inside of the tent into a dining set up. When you’re ushered inside you find that there’s a rectangular table on the far wall with four chairs at it and the rest are small circular tables. Your table happens to be you and Hal, Rose and Kanaya, Karkat and Gamzee, and lastly Jane and Bronya. You know, four couples. That’s definitely what you and Hal are.

You can avoid conversation for now it seems because you think that there are supposed to be speeches now. Waiters are passing out glasses of bubbly drinks but you can tell that it’s not alcoholic the moment you sniff it.

“How come none of the drinks have alcohol?” you ask quietly.

“None of us drink, we didn’t want alcohol at the wedding. Surely you’d know that if you were dating Hal.” Rose says slyly.

“Oh yeah Rose, I love going out to bars all the time and definitely take Sollux with me. I love that just as much as talking about our family’s history with alcohol. It hasn’t come up, thanks.” Hal says before you can get a word out.

You didn’t know there was some issue with booze with their family and Rose is right that if you were actually with Hal that you probably would but you guess Hal’s just spinning that your thing with him is new.

The Captain of your whole ship, Jade English, stands up from her chair and before you can even move she talks over all of you.

“Let’s have none of this everyone standing to attention nonsense tonight or we’ll all be up and down all night!” she laughs, her voice a little thinner with age but still full of life. She’s legitimately the oldest human you’ve ever seen but she’s sharp as anything and you’re actually really proud for her to be the Captain of your ship. At her command you relax a little in your seat again, rather than standing as you would normally be expected to.

“I think it goes without saying that I’ve always been very fond of my grandchildren but I try not to be blind to their flaws either. I know Jake has a good heart in him, he can be funny and he’s so smart. He’s a real adventurer too and genuinely cares about people. But, I also know that he’s not perfect, he can be tough to deal with at times. When he met Dirk and the two of them got together I worried that they might not be the right fit and it’s not been perfect the whole time but I’ve watched these two young men grow up together and grow as people. Dirk is also a lovely young man, industrious, smart and sometimes a pain in the backside!” the Captain cackles and now both Dirk and Jake are red faced as they look up at her from her left.

“But, and this is the thing, loving someone isn’t about always loving them at their best. It’s easy to love the best version of someone. What you really want is when someone is at their most pig headed stubborn, when they do the things that drive you nuts, when all that’s going on you can still look at them and love them. I’ve seen both of these young men go through that and grow, so I couldn’t be more confident that the two of them are going to be happy together for a long time. So to both of you, congratulations, and to Dirk I want to welcome you to the family!” the Captain raises her glass and everyone around you does the same as you all join in her toast to the now very red faced couple.

When the applause dies down Mr. Egbert stands up and smiles at the two grooms.

“Thank you so much for your kind words Captain and thank you to everyone for being here for this wonderful celebration. I can only echo your words about how wonderful our boys are and how good they are for each other. Jake is a charming young man and he’s grown immensely since the nervous young boy he was when I first met him!” Mr Egbert laughs.

“I wasn’t that young, or nervous!” Jake protests with a laugh, though the look on Dirk’s face makes you think he very much was.

“I am also very glad to have Jake as part of my family now. I must, however, apologise to the rest of our audience for this next part.” Mr Egbert says slowly and then takes a breath.

When he starts to speak again he’s not speaking Alternian. You think it’s Spanish because it doesn’t sound a thing like Chinese and you know more than enough English to know it’s not that. Hal gasps at your side and Rose looks similarly stunned. At the head table Dirk is staring up at his adoptive father with his mouth slightly open in shock.

You turn to Karkat, he speaks Spanish and about six different other languages too. Under your attention Karkat jolts and starts translating.

“Uh, he… he’s saying that he learnt Spanish for this. That Dirk’s… uh… that Dirk’s grown so much from who he was when he adopted him and that he’s proud of who he is. He loves him and he is and was- no, always will be family.” Karkat translates slowly.

You glance at Rose and Hal, there are black mascara tinted tears sliding down Rose’s face and Hal looks misty eyed as well.

“He’s… basically it’s just about how much he loves his kids. ...Oh, he’s talking about how adopting them was.” Karkat goes on, sure enough the Striders all look incredibly overcome with emotion.

“Now he’s saying how he couldn’t be happier that Dirk has found someone to be happy with. That he’s starting his own family and… yeah.” Karkat says, you guess a lot of this emotional language is outside of what Karkat’s learned.

You know, either it’s that or that Karkat seems too emotionally overwhelmed to translate between languages.

“I didn’t know he was going to do that, I didn’t know he was learning.” Jane whispers.

“In conclusion, welcome to the family Jake, we all love you dearly.” Mr. Egbert says as he raises his glass in a toast.

Mr. Egbert doesn’t get to properly drink his toast though because Dirk has leapt up and grabbed him into a pretty intense hug, when he pulls back it’s clear that he’s cried at least a little.

“You ok?” you ask in a whisper as you nudge Hal’s arm.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck. Damnit, Dad always makes you feel things. We all just spoke Alternian because he didn’t know Spanish and-” Hal sniffs a little and throws the rest of his drink back to cover it.

He’s not the only one moved, Rose is drying her eyes with Kanaya’s black handkerchief. Karkat is, of course, crying again.

After emotionally moving speeches it’s apparently time for food and this part you’d definitely been looking forward to and you’re not disappointed at all. Instead of set meals it’s served where each table has a rotating platter set up on it which gets loaded high with dishes of all kinds. Given that there are lots of different human cuisines around and a good number represented in the ethnicities of the ones on the head table there’s a lot of variety. Plus, human food has shifted somewhat Alternian over the years, especially since this ship is mostly troll inhabited.

The conversation around the table is pretty easy and you lean in for Karkat to take a picture of you both and you happily take Rose’s palmhusk for her to get a picture of her and Kanaya. In the room around you in every direction there’s the happy sound of people chattering, laughing and cutlery clinking. When dessert comes around it’s this gorgeous tropical fruit thing that you lack the vocabulary to describe. No one on the ship goes hungry, whatever you do your meals are provided for. You get to choose where and what you eat though but it’s still within reason and rare pricey tropical Earth fruit is well out of the range of standard food and not something you’ve ever blown your personal money on but you might have to reconsider that now you’ve tasted it!

Of course with any wedding there is dancing and you’re hardly the type to regularly dance but the atmosphere of the whole event is so enjoyable that it’s hard not to relax a little.

“Hey, I just wanted to say thanks. For coming along and everything.” Hal says softly as he hands you a glass of something nonalcoholic but very good nonetheless.

“It’s cool, you owe me, remember? But it’s actually a pretty fun night so I’m not complaining.” you smile and clink your glass to his.

You look over the dance floor and see Jade leading Dave in some elaborate but probably made up dance, nothing like the graceful coordinated steps of Rose and Kanaya.

“Well, good. This thing took so much planning it had better be good.” Hal snorts.

You smile into your glass but catch movement out of the corner of your eye, you can just see Dirk and Jake walking towards you through the crowd.

“Don’t look now but newlyweds incoming.” you murmur into your glass.

You agreed to pretend for Hal so you’re going to do your best at least, giving him a heads up that you have potentially scrutinising company coming up is the least you can do. Understanding flickers over Hal’s face and he starts talking like you were mid conversation.

“I mean I know it was a lot since this is all so new but I’m really glad I got to take you to this, even if the timing was off.” Hal says casually.

“Other people’s opinions are their problem.” you say just as casually.

“Hello you two, so good to see you!” Jake says loudly and cheerfully as he walks up to you.

You both look over like you hadn’t seen them coming and though Jake seems perfectly delighted to talk to you it’s pretty obvious that Dirk is carefully observing you and Hal.

“Congratulations, or whatever is the customary thing to say. I’ve not been to a wedding before so I’m not sure.” you say.

“Oh, well, thank you! I just- sorry, we just wanted to come over and say thank you for coming and thank you of course to Hal for how much work he put into this whole shebang.” Jake beams.

He’s a lot broader than he looks to be at first. It’s not like Equius who has the decency to be tall and broad in a way you can’t help but notice. No, Jake’s body looks quite normal until you spot just how different the cut of his jacket is to yours, how his sleeves are wider to accommodate far stronger arms. His tie is pinned to his formal shirt underneath and like yours, his has all his badges on. The crest of your ship is emblazoned on his tie pin but below that silver stars edge a circle, the indicator of all professions that require leaving the ship, and inside is a closed fist in front of the backdrop of a planet. He’s a sailor, specifically a heavy corps one. His rank and spoken languages are details below the main symbol but you’re not interested in that. It’s funny, the only other person with his job that you know is Gamzee, which is precisely why he’s been invited. He and Jake work together.

When you think of the kind of people who have that job Jake isn’t really what you picture. It’s not like you know the guy but still, he doesn’t seem like the type.

“Thanks for being cool with me bringing Sollux, I know it was pretty late but we were just talking about how you thought this was cool, right?” Hal says, casting a glance your way.

“Definitely. I’m glad I could come along.” you say without having to lie, it’s a nice party with a lot of your friends here.

“Well we’re very glad to have you. We’re going to do the cake cutting thing in a little bit but we wanted to make sure that we got around to everyone to say thank you for coming just in case we miss you all later.” Jake smiles warmly.

“Yep, definitely wanted to come around and say hi to the guy I’ve basically never spoken to who literally no one believes is dating my brother.” Dirk says, his eyes fixed right on you through his sunglasses.

“Hi.” you say right back without blinking.

“Dirk!” Jake hisses at him.

“Whoops, sorry, slip of the tongue. I meant hi, nice you could be here.” Dirk says entirely insincerely and smiles at you.

“Yeah, totally, I get those two mixed up all the time.” you say flatly.

“Oh my god.” Hal mutters.

Dirk looks at Hal and it’s really jarring to see the mischievous expression you’re used to seeing on Hal on someone else’s face. Admittedly it’s an identical face but still.

“I take it back, I like him.” Dirk says with sly amusement in his tone.

“Yeah, me too. Don’t you both have other family to annoy?” Hal asks waspishly.

“Well to do that I’d have to catch Jade and she’s far too excitable for that right now.” Jake sighs and looks over the dance floor to see Jade dramatically dipping Dave in a dance.

“Dave might need rescue though. Or photographs taken of his current situation. One of those.” Dirk says slowly.

Hal reaches around him quickly and snaps a photograph on his palmhusk, Dirk has a look and quietly says ‘nice’.

“We really do have to go cut cake soon, Dad and Jane made it themselves, it’s nuts.” Dirk says and you look over to the cake on the table across the room which is at least half your height.

“It’s pretty big, what kind of cake is it anyway?” you ask curiously.

“All the flavours. Last I heard each layer is something else because Dad and Jane don’t do easy.” Hal answers before Dirk can get there.

“Of course not. One flavour? How pedestrian.” Dirk deadpans in response.

“I’ve changed my mind. My condolences for signing up for this in stereo forever.” you tell Jake with a pointed look at Hal and Dirk.

“Like you have, you mean?” Dirk asks flatly.

“One, you’re married it’s not the same, and two: hey!” Hal says and shoves you at the end of that.

“Still, you fail to consider that they’re all like that to one degree or another. I’ve been doomed for a long time, my friend. You’ll be doomed with me, there’s no escape.” Jake says with a sage nod.

You give Hal a look, you have to work with him all the time. Even though you’re only pretending to be dating him, which you never actually would, you still like his presence. You’re ok with being doomed with that much.

“Point taken.” you nod.

“Alright, come on, you said you wanted to thank Gamzee for coming and I’d rather get that over with.” Dirk says with a sigh.

“Oh, he’s really not that bad.” Jake tuts but after a quick wave heads off towards Gamzee and Karkat.

“He definitely is.” you mutter into your glass.

“Hey, you want to… dance?” Hal asks a little cautiously.

You are only here as his friend but this is also a party so, fuck it, right?

“Yeah, sure.” you nod and set your now empty glass down on the side.

It’s a party, so you’ll party. You’d say that it’s probably an objective fact that you’re not good at dancing, on a technical skill level you’re almost certainly lacking. That being the case though there’s a lot to be said about not giving a fuck. Specifically in your case you know that you’re not technically good at dancing and you’re not so naive to think that people don’t notice your attempts at dance. Pretending to the part of your brain that wants to be anxious that people aren’t watching never works, instead you accept that and figure that either they already know you and therefore don’t care or they don’t know you and therefore you don’t care. If you can’t have confidence, apathy is fine.

Rose decides that she wants to cut in at one point and dance with Hal, or possibly interrogate him. Definitely interrogate him, actually. You’re not so naive to think that Kanaya isn’t doing the same with you.

“I spoke to Aradia.” Kanaya says smoothly as she twirls you around.

“I bet.” you sigh but let her pull you back all the same.

“She didn’t seem to want to talk about your breakup, which has me wondering if it was real or not. At first I assumed not because I don’t believe that you two would break up and if you did I don’t believe that you would instantly date someone else and be their date to a wedding. It seems absurd.” Kanaya says as she dances somewhat aimlessly with you.

“I guess you’ve got it all figured out then.” you say simply, neither confirming nor denying.

Kanaya’s eyes narrow slightly as she stares into yours but you’re not going to give her anything.

“It is not as if shenanigans are outside of the scope of your behaviour, I do know you after all. You might not be as inclined to utter chaos as Terezi used to be but with the right motive you’re certainly inclined.” Kanaya says slowly.

You say nothing to that so Kanaya just smiles and shrugs her shoulders a little, like she’s conceding defeat for now. She’s certainly not the only one interested in whether you and Aradia are still together or not, Karkat manages to corner you later and you’re thankful that it’s just him. Gamzee is off with Jake, Dave and other sailors that Jake invited. From the look on Dave’s face he’s not thrilled that Gamzee is there either but thankfully it’s his problem right now and not yours.

"Alright, listen, if this is some weird bit or, I don't know, a bet with someone else then that's fine. I swear I won't tell anyone, but not knowing is driving me crazy. Are you and Aradia broken up or not?" Karkat asks, keeping his voice remarkably quiet.

"Karkat, don't worry about it. I know you worry about everything but don't worry about it." you tell him gently.

Karkat scowls up at you, all short irritation and a glare that still gets to you even though his thick eyebrows are as furrowed as can possibly be in both irritation and skepticism.

"No. Because I AM worried. Look, here's how I see it: either you and Aradia aren't broken up and this is some weird joke or bet that I don't know about and you've got her to go along with it. That's possible but I don't know why you'd do that. Not that I need to know or even need you to tell me why, I'm fully versed in your inscrutable fuckery. So if it's that you only have to tell me and I'll just let it go and be puzzled by myself until whatever this is plays out. The second option is that you and Aradia really are broken up. That's terrifying because I KNOW you wouldn't be okay if that happened so that fact that you're here looking like you're ok-" he says but you interrupt.

"Means that you don't need to worry either way, so great. Don't stress about it." you sigh.

"No, fuckface. Listen, if Aradia and you broke up you'd be in bits, you'd be a wreck and if you weren't acting like that it's because the trauma of losing her has made you snap and this is some kind of post breakup psychotic break which I absolutely DO need to know about." Karkat hisses at you.

Shit, you hadn't thought he could get himself this worried about you but Karkat has no limits on what he'll freak out about, you should know that by now.

"I'm not having a mental breakdown, you don't need to worry. I'm telling you that I'm here as Hal's date, same as I'm telling everyone else." you say carefully.

Karkat's eyes scan your face suspiciously for a few seconds and then he nods slowly.

"Alright, so it's a bet or a joke or something. Which would mean that you can't admit it because you do generally like keeping your word, okay fine. You're still a deeply frustrating person who drives me nuts but I'm glad you're not losing your mind at least." Karkat says with the slow sigh of someone trying to remember to meditatively breathe or something.

"Good." you nod.

"Besides if you lost your mind it'd take ages to find it, it's so small." Karkat says slyly, giving you a sidelong look and a smug little grin.

"Asshole." you snort and elbow him.

"Wanna dance?" Karkat asks after a moment.

"I don't know, is your lesser half going to rip my limbs off if I dance with you?" you ask flatly and look in Gamzee's direction.

"I don't need my moirail's permission for anything, much less to dance with my best friend." Karkat says, bristling at the accusation.

The urge to ask Karkat if Gamzee knows that is pretty strong. Truth be told it doesn't get you anywhere, it doesn't make Gamzee back off and it just frustrates or upsets Karkat. You can't stand Gamzee, he's no good for Karkat and he's an unstable asshole. Admittedly YOU'RE an unstable asshole but you're realistically only going to be a danger to yourself at your very worst, something you can't say for Gamzee. Gamzee hates you because he thinks that you're trying to steal Karkat from him which isn't true. It IS true that you have and have pretty much always had feelings for Karkat, which Karkat is aware of too, but your feelings for him are a reddish-paleish mush and you couldn't get into anything with him without cheating on Aradia which you won't do. Karkat doesn't do quadrants anyway so you're shit out of luck there even if Aradia wasn't in the picture, which she is. So even in the most hypothetical situation you still wouldn't break up Gamzee and Karkat because he's a grown ass adult who can make his own decisions and even though for some mind boggling reason he decided to be with Gamzee you still respect that choice. You don't like it, but you're not someone who gets a vote.

You don't tell Karkat to break up with Gamzee because that's stepping over the line and it's disrespectful to who he is. At the same time he knows your feelings and thoughts on the matter of him and on Gamzee and on the two of them together. Gamzee can't tell him to stop being around you because actively trying to control Karkat is both not something Karkat would be happy about but also would probably make Karkat wake up and realise that he can do better. Which leaves you and Gamzee at a stalemate of mutual platonic hatred but also both stuck around each other because of Karkat. He is going to hate you dancing with Karkat but you don't care.

You let Karkat drag you to the dance floor and proceed to genuinely have a good time. People take pictures which you're happy to be in but, again, you don't need to take your own photos. They'll be up on social media before you know it and you get to just exist and enjoy yourself without worrying about framing or how stuff looks. You eat wedding cake, actually managing to get a little of several different flavours. You get coffee cake, lemon cake and something that is so chocolatey that just thinking about it is enough to make your teeth ache.

It's late in the evening when you eventually leave, giving Hal a fistbump of goodbye and grinning at the thought of all he owes you now. You stroll through the park happily and when you're waiting for the train to come you finally take your palmusk out and check it. You've got a bunch of new tags in photos that have pinged into your inbox and your work inbox sits there illuminated but like hell are you opening that. You thumb out of your mail and open trollian.

You've heard the expression before of something feeling like the bottom of your digestion sac just dropped out but you finally get what it means. Your insides feel like they do when you drop through the air without your psionics holding you, a cold sweat of fear breaks out up the back of your neck and for several seconds you can't even breathe.

The message you sent to Aradia never sent, it's sat there with a little error sign by it. She never got it.

In a panic you scramble and dial her number, needing voice instead of text for this. The train pulls up and on autopilot you step inside. Aradia's number goes straight to voicemail, it doesn't ring at all.

"AA, you need to call me back. I'm coming home there's- I can explain, it's not what you think." you say urgently and hang up, your hands still shaking.

You never told her about the party, about the deal you struck with Hal, she doesn't know that it's not real. Sure you think she knows you better than to think you'd cheat on her but a whole evening of people messaging and calling her about it would be enough to make anyone doubt you.

It feels forever until you get to your stop and you restrain yourself from trolling her. If her number is going right to voicemail then she's likely not looking at her palmhusk at all. Besides which, at this point you need to see her. She needs to see the sincerity in your face and hear it in your voice that you didn't mean this how it must look. You sprint from the train to your hive cluster and impatiently ride the elevator up to your floor, in a rush you scramble to your door and stumble inside.

Your hive isn't big. It's bigger than a single unit because it's two of you living there, but you've just got the main area, your small respiteblock, ablutionblock and small office space. You step through the door and it's no more than two wide paces to get to Aradia on the loungeplank. Not that you take those steps, instead you stand there staring at her from the doorway as she stares back at you from the loungeplank.

"It wasn't- I sent you a message about it but it never got through. I. Hal needed a date, said he wanted me to pretend it was red, he- he gave me iou's. It was just a dumb thing it wasn't real. I meant to tell you sooner but I kept forgetting and we kept missing each other and I thought you knew, it wasn't real." you say in a rush, stumbling and tripping over your words.

Aradia looks up at you with wide rust coloured eyes, the two of you on each side of the main area of your block. You’re breathing hard from running here and she’s totally still.

"Oh." Aradia says quietly.

"I'd never cheat on you." you insist and step into the room.

"That makes a lot more sense, I was... I thought that was it and you'd just broken up with me." Aradia says with quiet relief in her tone, you're not looking at her though.

You're looking at the TV.

It's on, it's showing some TV show that she's been into lately, some docuseries about archeology that wasn't interesting to you. There's that on the TV and she's got the remains of a stir fry from one of the places across the way. This isn't emotional food. If she did that it'd be a huge bowl of ramen with everything in it and a pint of ice cream, she'd be watching Indiana Jones for the millionth time. This is a normal evening. She’s not mad at you, she’s not anything, Aradia’s fine.

"Wait, you... did you know?" you ask slowly, looking up at her again.

"No, I thought that- it's fine, it doesn't matter now. It makes far more sense that you were doing something for a friend." Aradia nods and gets up to grab her food, she pauses and offers some to you. As she stands you see that she had her tablet with work on it, it's still lit up.

"I don't want noodles. H-hold on, you didn't know that this was a favour I was doing for Hal? You thought, what, that you'd found out I was cheating or that I’d broken up with you without a word because all of our friends were asking you about our breakup and you're fine? You're just- all this is normal." you say in disbelief, waving to the room around you.

"If you had broken up with me there wasn't anything I could really do about it. But you didn't, so it's fine." Aradia says and shrugs a little.

"Wait no. No, no, you need to tell me what you thought because I'm at a loss here. I know I handled this like shit and fucked up completely and I'm sorry about that but what the hell?" you demand.

Aradia frowns and puts her food on the side.

"It's just a dumb misunderstanding Sollux. You worry too much." Aradia says softly.

You worry too much? She’s not worried enough. You stare at her, try to find the words and then start over.

"Did you think I was cheating on you?" you ask, clear and careful.

"No, you wouldn't do that. I thought you... I thought we were over." she admits and then turns to put her food in the fridge.

"I'm sorry, we've been together since we were thirteen, we live together and have for YEARS, and you thought-" you start, you can hear your voice getting a little louder now.

"It's not like I've seen you much lately, it's not like you had a chance to tell me this. I thought- I don't know, it felt like it made sense. Like we'd drifted apart." Aradia's voice goes soft at the end as she looks back at you finally.

"And you..." you gesture to the normal evening in that's all around you, "you just thought that was fine and went on as normal? Totally fine?"

"But it was just a misunderstanding, and I'm relieved. It's just a dumb mistake, really." Aradia insists.

You stare at her as she looks back at you. You fucked up, yes, but this is so much worse.

"You were fine without me, you said it made sense." you say softly.

"I didn't mean it how it sounds." she tells you, her voice is gentle and sympathetic.

Nothing really bothers Aradia, that's one of the reasons why you like her so much. She's got a resilience and a big picture view that you wish you had, your thinksponge chemistry hates you sometimes and having Aradia as this guide for how to pass through the universe unscathed was always great. But apparently your relationship isn't a big picture detail. She thought you were over and she got on with her work and had dinner and watched TV as usual, you didn't even break her stride.

“Explain it to me then.” you breathe, your hands are shaking at your sides.

“If you had broken up with me there wasn’t anything I could do about it, what did you want me to do?” Aradia says back a little defensively now.

“I WANT you to act like you care more about the idea that you’d lost me! I’m your MATESPRITE, I’m not- I’m not keys that you misplaced and there’s no point getting upset about losing them because they’ll either turn up or they won’t. This is me, this is US.” you insist loudly.

“But I haven’t lost you, it was just a misunderstanding.” she says soothingly, like you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

You’re not, though. She’s making nothing out of what should be a big deal.

“It’s not a misunderstanding. Not- not now. It’s over for me now, I don’t know when it was for you but maybe you can let me know at some point because clearly you don’t actually care.” you tell her.

Aradia looks concerned for you, not hurt, not heartbroken, just mild concern for your wellbeing. You can’t do this, you can’t.

"I need to-" you can't get all the words out so you just step into your respite block.

Bedside table, meds, lanyard, charger.

"Sollux..." Aradia says gently.

You don't remember what you say back, you know it was something but you're out of the door and on a train again before you can really think straight.

The way to Karkat’s place is ingrained into you. A million visits has left you with a homing trail there that nothing can erase. You bang your fist on the door hard until someone answers, but when the door slides open it’s Gamzee standing there.

He looks down at you from above and tilts his head curiously at you, god knows how you must look right now but you don’t care.

“Yeah? It’s late.” he says.

“Karkat. I need-” your voice wobbles dangerously.

Gamzee narrows his eyes, like he’s trying to work out the balance of this situation but you’re not playing this game right now.

“Karkat!” you shout and with the door open there’s no way he doesn’t hear.

Gamzee hisses at you quietly but behind him you see Karkat in his boxers and one of Gamzee’s giant shirts lean around the corner, he’s got his toothbrush in his mouth and is looking at you with surprise.

“‘olluths?” Karkat says around his toothbrush.

“Me and Aradia broke up.” you say quietly and god the words hurt to get out, like you’re vomiting barbed wire with every syllable.

“You’ve been saying that all night.” Gamzee points out.

Karkat audibly swallows a mouthful of toothpaste foam as he stares at you.

“No he’s… you’re serious aren’t you?” Karkat says.

You make a slightly shaking noise of agreement, not trusting your words because you can feel the threatening prickle of tears in your eyes and you don’t know if you’ll get through anything you try to say. Karkat curses and hurries over to pull you inside.

“Hey.” Gamzee protests.

“Get out of the way of the door, you’re letting the heat out like that. Come on Sollux.” Karkat insists and drags you to the loungeplank.

You hear the door shut behind you and Karkat tosses his toothbrush on the table before shoving you into the loungeplank with his free hand.

“What happened? You’re actually serious this time, this is what I meant by you weren’t acting like you were broken up before but now you are. Are you- was this a mental breakdown thing or…?” Karkat asks.

“Or were-” Gamzee starts.

“Gamzee.” Karkat cuts him off before he gets anywhere.

Karkat’s face is steely, he’s accepting no argument at all and the fact that Gamzee has several feet of height on him as well as who knows how much muscle doesn’t seem to matter. Gamzee slinks out of the room so quiet you wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t seen him leave. You don’t much appreciate the reminder of how stealthy Gamzee can be.

“Hal wanted a date. Didn’t want to be friends, just… didn’t want his siblings to think he was single. I said no one would buy it but…” you gesture helplessly.

“I didn’t get to tell AA, I missed her and forgot about it and then I left her a message on trollian but the train and she didn’t get it but-” you go on, picking up speed.

“Whoa, slower. So did you tell her this was all for show or not?” Karkat stops you, his hands on your shoulders.

“I sent her a message on the way there, on trollian. She didn’t get it, I… must have sent it in that blank patch of signal on the train. The one people keep bitching about that maintenance never seems to fix. I should have known better, I should have checked but I didn’t and then I just didn’t look again until I was nearly home and she thought that we were over and that I was dating Hal!” you tell him.

“Shit. Fuck, that’s… what did she say?” Karkat asks, his face a picture of horror.

“Nothing! She was fine with it! She’d thought that I’d ditched her for Hal, that I was legitimately red for him and we were over but I’d just not bothered to tell her. She just went on with her evening like nothing was wrong! Like it was- I- tell me I’m not overreacting here!” you demand.

Karkat stares at you with his mouth slightly open. His eyes are wide and he seems to form the shape of a few words without managing to actually vocalise anything. It takes him several tries to manage to speak.

“She acted completely normal? And it wasn’t just some front she was putting up to pretend that she wasn’t hurt by the whole situation?” he asks you.

“No, it was like she’d misplaced her keys and then found them again. I’ve seen her more concerned about misplacing her palmhusk than she was about me apparently dating someone else.” you tell him and your breath hitches a little there like you might just cry but it’s all too much right now for you to let that out.

Karkat lets out a long breath and leans back on his arm of the loungeplank, his eyes are wide with horror and he shakes his head disbelievingly.

“That’s fucked up. You’re not overreacting at all, that’s heartbreaking.” Karkat says and at his words tears start to spill down your face for the first time.

You’re not overreacting, you’re not taking this the wrong way and it’s not all in your head. Choking back a sob you unlock your palmhusk and then after a brief look you toss it at Karkat.

“She’s not even called or messaged me. She doesn’t care.” you say, your voice muffled through your jacket sleeves as you scrub at your eyes.

“That’s awful Sollux, I’m so sorry. When did this even happen? You never said you two were having problems and things always seemed fine with you two. I mean you’ve been together longer than anyone I know.” Karkat says.

“Almost ten years.” you mumble.

The loungeplank creaks a little as Karkat shifts and pulls you into a hug. You squeeze him tight, your face buried in his shoulder. You never thought this was going to happen, that you’d be coming to him because you and Aradia were over. You’d thought the two of you were a forever thing!

You pull back after a moment or two and sniff a bit, this always happens when you cry. Your sinuses decide to just say fuck you and that they’re going to get in on the whole crying thing as well. You just never thought you’d be crying over Aradia like this.

“I don’t know when it happened.” you admit quietly.

“What’s it been like lately?” Karkat presses you.

“It’s been fine. I mean there’s always shift problems but everyone has that but we’ve not been avoiding each other or anything. She’s not been spending more time with the rest of her work people than normal, it’s just been fine. Which… which means that it’s been like this for ages and I was too stupid to notice.” you say bitterly.

“You’re not stupid.” Karkat tells you softly as he slides his arm around you.

Karkat has on many occasions called you stupid but he doesn’t really mean it, not like this. Hell, you’ve called him worse. You’re both assholes but never where it actually matters.

“Are you two completely over or do you want to… try to salvage this?” Karkat asks, but his tone suggests that you’re past the point of trying and you agree.

“Can’t come back from this. Can I stay here?” you ask quietly.

“Of course. Have you got your medication and everything else?” Karkat asks and so you hold out the things you grabbed on your way out.

“Well, a toothbrush or clean clothes might have been an idea but that’s fine. I can pull some strings tomorrow to try to get you a new hive allocation but it might take a bit even with that. We can get some more of your stuff when Aradia’s working, it’s not like I can’t go and check her schedule on the system. That’s not why I’ve got that power but I’ll take it.” Karkat says with a nod.

The idea of having a plan energises him somewhat. He gets to his feet and then turns around to face you.

“First things first, I’ll grab you some clothes to sleep in then you can go shower. You’ll feel better after that, you can change and I’ll get the loungeplank set up for you. Okay?” Karkat asks.

You don’t have any other plan so you nod and Karkat marches off to his respiteblock. His place at least is a little bigger than yours- than the place you had been sharing with Aradia was. Aradia wasn’t assigned to be an archeologist/geologist with the sailors when the two of you got your place, she was just a student and you worked in IT. But Gamzee’s job is all important so he and Karkat get a bigger place than yours to reflect that.

Speaking of, you see Gamzee’s figure fade into your peripheral vision as he slinks out of his and Karkat’s respiteblock. He saunters over to you and rests his long forearms on the back of the loungeplank, he scratches at his chin absently for a moment.

“You know, I heard this wild philosophy at one point, right? The idea that what you put out into the wide old universe you get back.” he says lazily.

“I’m not in the mood for your kumbaya hoofbeastshit.” you hiss at him.

“Nah man, like, you go around saying something is so it ends up that way. But I guess you know that.” Gamzee says.

The dark look in Gamzee’s eyes and the real meaning in his words set your blood on fire, you told people you and Aradia weren’t together anymore and now you’re not. Like this is YOUR fault!

“What’re you two talking about?” Karkat asks suspiciously, coming back into the room with clothes in his arms.

“The power of positive thinking, bro. Telling him he just has to speak it and it’ll be.” Gamzee smiles at Karkat.

“That’s nice Gamzee but this is a little beyond that. Sollux, come on.” Karkat jerks his head and you follow, it’s not like you want to be near Gamzee.

Karkat follows you into the small ablutionblock and sets the clothes he’s loaning you onto the counter. He stops and looks up at you with pity and determination set into his whole being.

“Listen, I know this must be indescribably awful but you’re going to get through this. I’ll help however I can, alright? For now just get washed up and I’ll have the loungeplank ready for you to sleep on.” he tells you and nudges you towards the shower.

You’re too broken to resist so you just do as he says, stripping out of your formalwear as soon as you hear the door shut. Your shower is particularly joyless and you spend several long minutes with your head pressed to the metal wall of the shower with water dripping from your horns as you contemplate how your life so suddenly went wrong.

Maybe you should overlook this, Aradia’s always been very go with the flow, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t care in her own way. You could go back there, tell her you just needed to cool off and put your relationship back together. You press your fingers against your shut eyes and groan into your hands in dismay. You can’t go back, even if you did so you’d still KNOW now that you weren’t fully wanted or needed. It’s not that you want Aradia to hurt but you leaving so little impact on her is just not something you can get over. It can’t be that big of an ask to mean something to someone who’s pitied you and been in a relationship with you for almost ten years, right?

You can’t unopen that box, you can’t unknow this now that you’ve experienced it. You’d always know if you went back, every time she spoke to you when you were upset that things could be over and she wouldn’t even miss a step. No one would call you a font of self esteem but even you think you deserve more than that.

Karkat knocks on the door and you realise you’ve been standing in the shower for far too long. You shut off the water, dry yourself off, and then for lack of any other option you put toothpaste on your finger and rub at your teeth for a bit. You take your medication and swallow it down with mint tinted water.

Karkat’s sleep clothes are far too short on you, the cuffs ending in your mid shins and the waistband clinging weirdly low to your hips. It’s still more comfortable than your suit though so even though you’re wearing cropped everything you choose that over the suit.

“I’ve got work in the morning anyway and I’ll work on finding you somewhere new to live as soon as absolutely possible, I’ll rush things as much as I can. I know ship housing can be tight but I’ll get you something, I promise.” Karkat vows and drapes a fuzzy blanket over you.

“Thanks, KK.” you whisper into the cushions of the loungeplank.

“I’m really sorry, Sollux. You didn’t deserve this.” he assures you and strokes a hand through your hair.

What’re you supposed to do now? The vast unknowableness of your future, devoid of the rock solid certainty of Aradia, is deep and terrifying. So, you do all you can in the moment and fall into uneasy sleep.

Chapter Text

It really hurts you to see Sollux so badly hurt and what’s worse is it’s one of your other friends who’s done it to him. You like Aradia, she’s always fun and adventurous. You’d thought that she was that free spirited, upbeat and almost zen calm that Sollux really needed in his life. They were two dorky nerds in pity with each other, or so you’d thought.

You suppose that both you and Sollux were mistaken there. It’s hard to even be angry at Aradia, it’s not as if she deliberately hurt Sollux but the fact is that he’s still devastated no matter what she intended. It’s not like Sollux is blameless either with that dumb stunt but he sure as shit didn’t deserve this. It’s clearly a bigger issue revealed by a stupid mistake.

You’re rubbing your temples as you walk into your respiteblock. Gamzee looks over at you from your bed as you backhand the button to shut the door behind you and go back to trying to fix this building stress headache.

“Don’t worry yourself about it.” Gamzee advises, holding out a hand to you.

“That’s not really an option here. I need to fix this.” you sigh and cross your messy respiteblock to get to the bed.

Gamzee holds his arm up with the edge of the covers in hand so it’s easy for you to slide under them with him.

“It ain’t your problem. This is between him and her, you know?” Gamzee says, dragging you closer.

“It’s past that, he can’t go back there and I know you don’t want him here.” you point out.

Gamzee’s breathing is controlled and stiff for a moment before he relaxes into a shrug, pretending that he doesn’t care. You’re not dumb enough to believe that.

“I’m not about to tell you that you can’t have him here.” Gamzee says casually.

Yeah, because Sollux is your best friend and you’re not kicking him out to appease Gamzee. Gamzee demanding that of you would be one hell of a fight and despite what most people say about him your moirail isn’t stupid.

“So, I need to find somewhere for him. SO this is my problem too.” you explain.

Gamzee makes a noise of vague agreement and hauls you over so you’re sprawled across his chest. His hands stroke absently down your back and despite the stress it is soothing you at least a little.

“I just don’t understand how it happened, they always seemed so happy. Right?” you ask him.

“Never heard her say much bad about him at work.” Gamzee agrees.

His job puts him in contact with Aradia whenever your ship gets to a planet where she can be useful, you know they’re part of the same social groups but then so is Dave and you’re pretty sure that Dave never willingly hangs out with Gamzee. You had to endure enough of that particular mutual dislike when you were all at school, at best they tolerate each other now.

Maybe you could ask Dave if he knows anything about what’s going on with Aradia? They’re pretty close as far as you know. But… ugh, you can’t really ask him now without spreading Sollux’s business around. Maybe you can pick his brains later when it’s more common knowledge. Assuming you can find any brains to pick.

You’ve got favours you can call in with people at work to try to speed Sollux’s housing request along but equally you’re not totally happy about him living on his own. Maybe you could see if his lusus might take him back? Shit, no, Sollux would never agree to that. You can’t think of anyone else you know who’s got a space for him to move in, at least not on a permanent basis anyway. Shit.

“Shoosh, stop worrying and sleep.” Gamzee reminds you.

He drags a hand through your hair and presses the heel of his palm between your horns, making your mind go a little fuzzy edged.

“I know, I just…” you mumble, you don’t really have an excuse to give him.

Your moirail sighs and rolls over. He drags you with him so he’s mostly laying on top of you, his bodyweight like a heavy blanket to stop your anxious fidgeting. You drift into sleep like that with him weighing down your body as much as your thoughts weigh down your mind.

When your alarm on your watch buzzes you awake you find that you’re in bed alone. Blearily you sit up, remember the events of last night and take a moment to compose yourself. You have shit to get done today.

You dress as quickly as you can and when you step out into the main area of your hive your bloodpusher kind of falls a bit. Sollux is dressed in his suit again and staring down Gamzee who’s sprawled himself over the arm of your loungeplank. Gamzee is staring right back at Sollux with the same intensity and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.

Great. It’s no secret to anyone that your moirail and your best friend loathe each other, you know they only tolerate each other’s presence for your sake but it’s all pretty fucking draining for you. Gamzee seems to be under the impression that Sollux is waiting in the shadows to turn you against him, break you up and steal you for himself. Meanwhile Sollux clearly thinks Gamzee is one bad joke away from homicide and that anything would be better than you having Gamzee as a moirail. Sollux has gone so far as on several occasions to gently and very earnestly insist that if anything was ever wrong between you and Gamzee that his and Aradia’s place was always open to you and he’d have your back no matter what.

The thing is that neither of them are right.

Sure, Gamzee can be pretty unstable and his temper can snap sometimes but it’s not as if Sollux is the picture of stable mental health either. Gamzee’s job gets him all the outlet for his physical strength and the experience of danger that he needs to be fine. Sure, he’s not perfect but he meshes with your particular needs in a relationship far better than you believe anyone else could, it’s not as if you’re the easiest troll to be with yourself.

As for Sollux, yeah, you know he has a thing for you. It’s not a secret. Nor is it a secret that you’ve felt the same way before. But Sollux’s romantic needs and yours aren’t a good fit and you’re not about to throw a lifetime of friendship away for that and nor is he. Sollux wouldn’t break you and Gamzee up and Gamzee isn’t about to lose his shit on you either.

Neither of them are right and neither of them are completely wrong. And BOTH of them hate each other and care about you, so here you all are.

“I’m going to work.” Sollux says instead of hello or good morning.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t think you’d want to deal with people today or anything.” you say uneasily.

“I won’t. Hal owes me.” Sollux says simply.

Right.

“Gamzee would you go get breakfast? I still have to get ready. And put clothes on or else I’m just going to wind up having to deal with you at work.” you ask as you walk over to the loungeplank.

Gamzee tips his head back lazily, deftly avoiding hitting you with his horns. He has a sense of spatial awareness with them that you just can never understand what with your worthless little set.

“Aw, an errand AND clothes? What do I get if I do that?” Gamzee asks with a lazy smile.

“Breakfast and no HR complaints.” you tell him, catching one spiral horn and tipping his head back further so you can kiss him on the forehead.

“Ah, ok. Anything for you little crab man.” Gamzee grins and unfolds himself to stand up. He shakes your hand off of his horn and walks back to your respiteblock to change.

You shift your attention to Sollux. You’d kind of expected that irritated look he gets around Gamzee but, no, he looks like he’s a million miles away staring at the floor. Thinking about Aradia no doubt.

“Did you sleep okay?” you ask him softly.

“Not really.” Sollux mumbles and looks at you again.

“We’ll get food, take you to work and then I’ll go to my office and try to sort this out for you, ok?” you tell him.

It’s not really a question, it is what’s going to happen but you can at least try to get him involved in it. Sollux is still too lost in his own thoughts to really talk much, he doesn’t even react when Gamzee leaves to get food. When he’s out you finish getting ready and keep an eye on Sollux as you do.

Gamzee returns with bagels and you hand a sweet one to Sollux, not that he seems to really notice what he’s eating. You’re only halfway through yours before you can’t take the mental strain of the situation anymore.

“Alright, let’s just go. At least if I get you to Hal then I can get started on fixing this for you sooner and you can talk to him. Come on.” you insist and usher Sollux to his feet.

Gamzee gives you a lazy wave as you leave with Sollux. Sollux’s work isn’t incredibly near yours being that your work is located in the admin and social work sector of the ship and he’s about midway between that and engineering. Given the size of your ship that’s actually quite the distance so leaving a little early is smart.

You walk into the IT department to find that there’s no one at the front desk at all and the mirrored wall that separates the desk from the actual office just shows you and Sollux. You want to actually talk to Hal so you hit the bell on the desk to get his attention from wherever he is.

“You know that’s not connected, right?” Sollux says flatly.

“What? Why not?” you ask.

“If it was people would be ringing it all the time trying to get us to fix their problems.” he says with a shrug.

“That’s literally your job!” you exclaim.

Sollux shrugs as if the fact that his job is ostensibly helping people is more other people’s problem than his.

The door to the back opens, the mirrored surface swinging open to show a slightly surprised looking Hal there.

“Why’re you still in your suit?” Hal asks in surprise.

Sollux mumbles something indecipherable and pushes past him to get into the back and shuts the door after himself. Hal’s bewildered gaze goes from the door to you as if this is now your job to explain.

“He and Aradia broke up.” you say gravely.

“Did he still not tell you that-” Hal starts with a grin pulling at the edge of his mouth, you need him to cut that out right away.

“No. For real. I don’t know if he wants me to tell you all the details but I don’t think it’s your fault, it just… yeah. I need to find somewhere for him to stay now and he really can’t stay on my loungeplank long term. He probably doesn’t want to do that short term either.” you admit that last part with a wince.

“Wait, are you shitting me? But they were-” Hal falters and you just nod grimly.

Hal’s eyes go wide behind his yellow tinted blue light glasses and he glances back at the mirrored wall like he can see Sollux through it. When he looks back at you Hal looks a little bit ill.

“Fuuuuck. That’s… man, I feel awful. He’s staying with you though? I thought he and Gamzee were perpetually two seconds from some kind of wild west showdown at all times, how’s that working?” Hal asks, though seemingly the expression on your face answers that.

Hal winces and pulls out his palmhusk to check it then puts it away again.

“I was going to check with Rose and Dave but fuck it, if he needs a place to stay he can stay with us. Hell, I feel responsible enough for this that he can stay in my room and I’ll take the loungeplank until he gets somewhere permanent. It’s not like either of them will mind anyway.” Hal says.

“I’ll keep that in mind, let Sollux know too will you? And… look, between you and me if you think something’s wrong with him today you message me or call me right away. I’ll come down here if he needs me.” you tell Hal, you grab a post it note from a stack by the front and write down your work number and your trollian handle just in case Hal doesn’t already know it.

“Yeah, of course. Shit, I should go talk to him.” Hal says softly and pockets your note.

You nod, you can only imagine how guilty Hal must feel about this. It’d be unfair to say this wasn’t anything to do with him but it’s more that his stupid request of Sollux revealed a flaw that was already there without anyone knowing. It’s not as if that’s Hal’s fault but it is still happening because of him. Sollux didn’t seem pissed at Hal at all so you’re pretty sure things are going to be fine there but you feel better knowing that Hal can contact you if he needs to.

“Right, I’ve got to go to work. Got to do actual work and find somewhere for Sollux to live.” you sigh.

You leave the IT department and find the nearest elevator to go up to your floor, then it’s a few stops on the train and you’re at your department. You shoulder your way through the forever broken door into the somewhat misnamed ‘Human Resources’.

Back in the days of the Alternian military there didn’t really need to be such departments, people were conscripted and did what they were ordered to do. There was certainly admin to work out who was going where and all of that but not really the kind of work that you do these days. Running a military ship and running a ship that’s the size of several large cities and filled with ordinary people is an entirely different thing. Sure, some departments that basically are military run just the same but you’re in a finite space and you deal with civilians. You have to allow for people living their lives, running their own companies as well as maintaining the actual backbone industries of the ship that keep everyone alive. The needed operations of the ship and the free lives of the people in it meet in messy ways and your job is basically resolving those problems.

You walk to your office with the problems you have at hand running through your mind, so much so that you don’t see this next problem until it’s entirely too late.

“Karkat, you’re late.” Rose smiles at you in a way that is both warm and very predatory.

Your eyes shift from her to the troll at her side who looks deeply anxious and clearly wishes he wasn’t exactly where he is.

“Rose, I’m really busy.” you sigh.

“I-it’s really no problem Doc, I can just-” the troll by Rose’s side tries to say.

“It’s alright, Karkat is always busy but he’ll be happy to help you. Your problems are important Xefros, remember?” Rose reminds the guy who must be one of her patients.

You take a deep breath, pinch the bridge of your nose and then unlock your office and wave them both inside. You check your calendar as you walk to your seat.

“I didn’t have an appointment with you, but what’s going on?” you ask as you fall into the aged desk chair.

“Xefros has been seeing me for a little while and with his permission I agreed to bring something up with you, I’m here to support him. He’s been having problems with work and I wanted to get your help on the matter.” Rose explains primly and professionally.

You look at Xefros who is sweating a little and giving you a terrified smile, your willpower crumbles. You flick your computer on and quickly search up his first name, between that and his sign you can pick him out immediately. You open up his profile and glance over it.

“What’s the problem?” you ask.

Rose gives Xefros an expectant look and with a start he begins talking, probably more because he thinks he’s supposed to than he wants to exactly.

“I- oh, right. I work in maintenance you see and, well, I’ve been stuck on this particular route for a while. No one else seems to want it and it’s… it’s not even like I can report it or anything because it’s not like I work with these people or anything and it’s not even me that’s involved.” he manages to say.

You nod and wait for him to keep going.

“Right, well, it’s the security department. There’s a few of the guys there and, well they’re not great to any of us which I guess is why no one wants the assignment of cleaning there and doing the maintenance work. There’s this bronze girl there, I don’t even know her name, but they say awful things to her and I’ve told my moirail about it but he says that- that people like them are just like that.” Xefros explains.

You squeeze your eyes shut and count to ten.

“You’re doing maintenance on the security area in deck B? Are you talking about one of the officers there, the big blue blooded… hold on.” you pause and pull up a familiar file and turn your screen.

“Yes, that’s exactly him.” Xefros nods quickly.

“Xefros attempted to lodge a complaint with the management in security and they pulled him out of work for several days so they could run ‘background checks’ on him.” Rose explains.

“Of course. Of course they did. I’m well aware of these assholes, Xefros. Lotiru Esttat in particular, let me just make a call.” you give Xefros a tight smile and pick up your desk phone.

You hold it to your ear with your shoulder and quickly bring up Esttat’s file on your husktop, that asshole has been a particular thorn in your side for far too long. He’s nothing but a smug bully who uses his position of power in security to intimidate other people. You’ve made it your mission with Terezi to ensure that people like that don’t stay in security or better yet that they don’t get in at all.

It’s not like you can piss off the whole security department, you need them to come in when things get genuinely bad or violent. They have a place in making the ship safe but some people just get off on the power. Deck B security used to be fine but this asshole is making everything worse and dragging other people into his shitty ways of thinking. You dial his number with angry jabs of your finger and wait as it rings.

“Security, officer Esttat.” he answers.

“Esttat, it’s Karkat Vantas from HR. I wanted to talk to you about our last conversation with regard to your behaviour.” you say pleasantly and lean back in your chair a little.

“There’s nothing WRONG with my behaviour, people are just too sensitive.” Esttat hisses, immediately on the defensive.

“Yes, you mentioned that last time as a way to explain the… eight documented complaints against you. Normally someone with that many complaints about them wouldn’t be working in security anymore.” you say lightly.

“That’s because I’m good at my job.” Esttat brags meanly.

A very bad idea steals over you and you smile brightly, Rose notices and gives you a look of interest.

“Is that why the number of cases you’ve closed this month has been… below the ship average? I spoke to-” you reach over to your desk phone and cut the call off mid sentence and then place it carefully back on the receiver.

“He’ll call back.” you assure Xefros as Rose’s smile gets very wide indeed.

Your phone rings.

“Karkat Vantas, HR. For your records all calls-” you start but Estatt cuts you off immediately.

“Listen here you little prick, there’s NOTHING wrong with the number of cases I close. I just give the easy shit to other people, ask anyone.” he hisses at you.

“I’m sorry, we got cut off before. And I apologise again, I didn’t mean to hit on a… sensitive subject there.” you say as politely as possible.

“Don’t get smart with me, you think that just because your moirail’s a heavy sailor that you can just do what you like? Yeah, I know about you.” Estatt growls in your ear.

“I’m… sorry, have you been following me?” you ask in well feigned surprise.

“Like I need to, I can see everyone just as much as you can on your little HR system. So if you think I’m scared of him and that’s going to affect anything then you’d better RETHINK, alright?” he hangs up on you, the click of the phone loud in your ear.

You shift in your seat and open up the file of incoming recorded calls, which, if he’d let you say then you would have told him that incoming calls are recorded for records. Ooops.

You type a quick email but don’t send it yet and then reach for your phone again and hit one of the numbers on your speed dial, it rings once before the other line picks up.

“Kankri Vantas.” he greets you.

“Kankri, remember I told you about Lotiru Esttat before and you said he should get another chance before you’ll actually do anything?” you ask.

“That’s not exactly what I-” Kankri sighs but you keep going.

“He’s harassing other people, just like I said he would. And he’s getting away with it because his matesprit is in YOUR department. I’m reassigning him like I said I would and I’m going to get him bounced from the ship if he’s not improved by the time we meet up with another ship. That whole department is going bad and I’m not dealing with ALL of them. So go do your sensitivity bullshit courses with the rest of them and I’m reassigning him, got it?” you demand.

“Karkat, I’m aware that you don’t like the man much but that doesn’t mean that he can’t do his job.” Kankri sighs.

“Yeah, you’d think so except he called up just now and threatened me. Hold on, I’m sending you the file now.” you say and send it off.

“Also, I notice that he’s not even good at his job. Literally below average, that’s what you’re protecting here.” you point out.

“Karkat, I can’t listen if you’re talking.” Kankri reminds you.

You sit and wait as Kankri listens to the recording you just made and sure enough you hear his little gasp of horror. Kankri has a nasty habit of being too political and denying things unless there’s proof but he can’t do anything about this. Both because it’s not open to interpretation but also because if you were to tell someone else that Kankri heard this and did nothing then it’d do nothing for his image.

“I told him to watch what he… oh, I suppose my hands are tied. I’ll run a course for the department and I suppose we can work out what to do with him until then. His matesprit won’t be happy.” Kankri says glumly.

“Yes, well, if he wasn’t chronically an asshole to everyone we wouldn’t have this problem. ALSO I told you so, so stop getting in my way and let me do my goddamn job.” you snap at Kankri and hang up without saying goodbye.

You turn to Xefros who looks terrified of you now, you smile but it doesn’t seem to help.

“Thank you for that Xefros, I’ve been trying to fix that problem for a while. And don’t worry about people thinking you had anything to do with this, he knows I’ve been trying to get around my dancestor to deal with him for ages. He’ll just think Kankri finally folded.” you smile with the wonderful glee of getting to make a problem that’s been bothering you for a while someone else’s problem.

“Oh, well, good? I think?” Xefros says hesitantly and glances at Rose.

“Karkat will do his best to take care of this. You put yourself out there and you did the right thing, this situation wasn’t your fault but you’ve made things better. Try to work through the sheets that I gave you between now and next time and we can talk about the progress you’ve made. You’ve done a great job Xefros.” Rose smiles warmly at him.

“That’s… thank you. I’ll go then, right?” Xefros asks, looking between you and Rose.

Rose nods at him and smiles so Xefros hastily excuses himself. When your door shuts Rose looks at you carefully for a quiet second or two.

“Did you want something else? I have a lot of shit to to today.” you sigh as you pull up the current work you’ve been focusing on and then also open up the rehousing portal on the HR site. Rehousing isn’t strictly your line of work, despite what people might think your job is actually more in mediation and less in the admin side of shuffling people around the ship. You help people, ACTUALLY help people unlike some people around here who share your last name.

“Well of course you’re busy. What with… you know. I wanted to talk to you about Sollux anyway.” Rose says with a wave of her hand.

“You know about that?” you ask in surprise, looking from your screen to her.

“Of course.” Rose says lightly.

“How? Did Aradia tell Dave or something? I wouldn’t have thought she’d have told you herself.” you say with a frown.

You can buy Aradia telling Dave but not Dave immediately blabbing to Rose. Then again Rose is remarkably good at getting information out of people so maybe he just cracked but that would have meant that Aradia would have had to have told Dave last night which doesn’t seem right. And Hal doesn’t seem like the type to run to Rose when he should be dealing with Sollux in person so...

Wait.

You look at Rose who is watching you intently.

“You didn’t know shit, did you? You just baited me.” you accuse her.

“You have no proof. So there is something going on with Sollux and Aradia. It wasn’t something Hal did was it? Because I don’t believe for a second that they’re a thing.” Rose tuts.

You groan in despair at yourself and at her. When Rose wants to know something she’ll find it out no matter what. It makes her a great therapist and social worker but a pain in the ass to deal with in your day to day life. You much prefer working alongside her when she uses those talents on people causing problems and between the two of you there’s the chance to outsmart assholes and help people in need. It sucks when she uses all that on you.

“Look, this stays between you and me. Promise?” you ask.

“I swear on my professional honour.” Rose says and solemnly nods.

“Aradia and Sollux did break up, not because of Hal but he sort of inadvertently revealed a bunch of problems. My current problem is he’s sleeping on my loungeplank and I have to find him somewhere new to live before he and Gamzee destroy each other. Although Hal did offer your loungeplank so maybe that’s going to be your problem soon.” you tell her.

Roses eyes widen as you talk and she considers your words for a moment before speaking.

“Sollux and Aradia are completely over? This isn’t just a temporary fight?” she asks.

“I don’t see them coming back from this, no. So you see why I have a lot to do today.” you hint and gesture to your screen.

“Well I think I might just be able to solve all of your problems.” Rose smiles, she leans back in her chair and crosses one leg over the other.

“How?” you ask suspiciously.

“Well, after me and my siblings were taken from our home we were placed in foster care. We were adamant about all being kept together and we had a lot of special considerations that a permanent caretaker needed to accommodate.” Rose explains.

“Your brothers. Dave being basically blind back then and Dirk and Hal still transitioning, that’s why Mr Egbert was such a good fit.” you nod.

Dirk and Hal were basically passing when they got moved to your ship as teenagers but June was still in the process of getting people to stop calling her John and she inadvertently told you once about Dirk and Hal when she was complaining about her own problems. As far as you’re aware most people know but it’s not like you talk about it ever, it’s not really relevant to most things.

“Right. But before then we bounced around a lot of homes which… was not a great experience. Moving in with Dad was great but as soon as we were a little older the housing department wanted to shuffle us on so some other family could have a hive of that size. That left me and Dave and June living with Dad but we had to move and to very much understate the situation Dave hated it. The only time he moved willingly was when Hal found our three bedroom hive and me and Dave moved in with him. Dave HATES moving and hates living with strangers even more. It’s all very traumatic for him.” Rose explains.

“Okay?” you prompt her.

“Well, Dave’s had this moratorium on us moving or anyone moving out. I want to move in with Kanaya but if I do that there’ll be a free room in the hive and we’ll lose the place which means he and Hal will have to move again or get a stranger as a roommate. Neither is acceptable. June is staying with Dad since she’s still studying, Dirk’s now married, Roxy’s a nightmare to live with and Jane lives in medical hives with Bronya for their work. To be honest even if Dave tried I don’t think he could convince Roxy to move because she hates it just as much, so I’m stuck where I am.” Rose says.

You lean back in your chair and look at Rose carefully.

“But Hal and Sollux are friends and Sollux and Dave are cool with each other. He needs a place to live and you’re willing to swap out because it gets you in with Kanaya. So Sollux gets a place to live, Dave doesn’t have to move and Hal presumably assuages any of his guilt.” you conclude.

“Everyone wins.” Rose smiles.

“And Kanaya is alright with this?” you check.

“Kanaya has been begging me to find a solution to this problem for ages. If we privately make arrangements for Sollux he doesn’t have to go through the housing reassignment system and it all gets done quickly. If Hal feels responsible I’m sure he’ll agree, especially as he offered the loungeplank to Sollux. The only person who might need some convincing is Dave and I don’t think it’ll take all that much.” Rose assures you.

You tap your claws on the desk thoughtfully and then turn to your husktop, you type in Dave’s name and see that his crew is currently running exercises in the climbing gym so if you needed to you could go down there and talk to him in person.

Hmmm.

You pick up your phone and dial the number for IT, it rings twice and then Hal’s voice fills your ear.

“Hello IT, what problem can I help you with?” Hal’s voice asks pleasantly.

“It’s Karkat, I need to talk to Sollux.” you say.

“I can help you with whatever you issue is, what’s the problem?” Hal’s voice persists.

“No, shut up. I want to talk to Sollux and Hal. I know this is, ugh, tell me about the autoresponder.” you groan.

“It seems you have asked about Hal Strider’s helpdesk client autoresponder. This is an application designed to assist the general public who refuse to read the emails we send out to them or google basic technology problems without otherwise taking up the valuable time of the IT service desk. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 99% accurate at providing solutions with exponentially fewer amounts of blunt force head-to-desk trauma in service engineers. These numbers are, I am required to inform you, basically just pulled out of my ass right now. Connecting you to a live service desk engineer now.” Hal’s voice says pleasantly.

The phone rings again, this time for a good few rings. Long enough for you to briefly fantasise about strangling Hal.

“Your fucking brother I swear.” you mutter at Rose who just smiles at you in silent amusement.

“Hello? IT can I- damnit, can I help?” Hal asks, sounding far more stressed out than his program did.

“It’s Karkat, can you get Sollux on the phone? I need to check something with him. Also, hypothetically would you be okay with him living with you if Rose moved out?” you ask.

“Oh shit, yeah that’d work. Damn Rose works fast, fist bump her for me as congratulations for high speed mental manipulation.” Hal says clearly impressed.

“Absolutely not. Give the phone to Sollux.” you grumble.

“I can’t, sorry.” Hal tells you.

“What? Why?” you ask sharply.

“He’s asleep under his desk. Said he was super tired because apparently he woke up at one point last night with Gamzee staring at him so he’s having a nap. I can tell him what you told me though, get him to troll you about it when he wakes up.” he offers.

You need to have a talk with Gamzee, but that’s a problem for later.

“Okay, yeah, great.” you nod, rubbing your temple with your free hand.

“Will do then, alright. Later.” Hal hangs up on you and with a sigh you set your phone back in place.

“Sollux is sleeping but Hal’s going to ask him about it when he wakes up.” you explain to Rose.

“That works for me actually. I was supposed to have today off in case there were any post wedding problems that needed dealing with but nothing came up. I came in to see Xefros as an emergency thing but I’m a little behind on my own paperwork. How about I go do that for a few hours and then the two of us can go down to wherever Dave is and talk to him together?” Rose suggests, looking at her delicate lavender faced watch to check the time.

You helped Kanaya pick that watch out for her as it happens. You know Kanaya will be thrilled to have Rose live with her, so if this all plays out as Rose is suggesting then you’ll be making a lot of people happier.

Alright, yeah. You’ll do it. You agree to Rose’s plan and shoo her out of your office. You have actual work to do, especially if you’re going to sneak out for what is probably going to amount to an early lunch to get Dave to agree to this move.

You’ve got a whole bunch of cases going on at the moment. A few social work cases that you’ve been collaborating with Rose on, they’re on your desk because Rose has done her part and it’s now your job to go and get relevant parties to sign off on things. One couple is trying to adopt their friend’s child since their friend died in an unfortunate engineering accident and the other parent of that child died two years before that due to illness. The poor kid in question is a troll and the two people trying to adopt her are a mixed species couple. The normal process of a troll child that did have adult human parents or a human and troll parent dying would be to get placed with a lusus instead so it’s now this huge tug of war between both sides.

Thankfully you make your living by knowing the right people. The ship might be huge but all you have to do is know a few of the right people and be on good terms with them and you can really get somewhere. Like right now you can see that your contact with the mothergrub department and lusus affairs has told you who you really need to talk to and what your next steps here are.

After that you have to help out someone who’s arguing about another business infringing on their intellectual property and you’ve got an in with that because one of the guys you helped one time has a kismesis in the internship patenting department.

You say that it’s not what you know but who you know, the more people you help the more connections you make and the better you can do your job. Kankri takes that particular adage to mean that his work will go easier if he cosies up to people far more politically powerful than him, that he can make their lives easier if certain problems like Estatt get swept under the rug.

It’s remarkably easy to get swept up in your work, enough that when Sollux trolls you a few hours in you’re startled at the sudden time change. Yes, this is why you often work through your lunch without meaning to and why people try not to book afternoon meetings with you because you get hangry without realising, what of it?

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: what about moviing iin wiith hal?
TA: ii ju2t woke up and have liike half the 2tory becau2e he'2 doiing a 2hiitonne of work at the 2ame tiime.
CG: RIGHT, SO, ROSE IS SUGGESTING THAT SHE MOVE IN WITH KANAYA BECAUSE THEY'VE BOTH BEEN WANTING THAT FOR AGES AND YOU COULD HAVE HER BLOCK.
CG: THAT WAY YOU SKIP THE QUEUE FOR HIVE ALLOCATION ENTIRELY BY MOVING IN WITH DAVE AND HAL.
CG: WOULD THAT BE SOMETHING YOU'D BE OKAY WITH?
TA: you mean 2iince dave work2 wiith AA and hal'2 2tupiid thiing 2et all thii2 off?
CG: YEAH THOSE ARE ESSENTIALLY THE PROBLEMS THAT I CAN SEE HERE.
CG: BUT IT WOULD MEAN THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE LIVING ALONE WHICH WOULD PROBABLY BE GOOD FOR YOU AND MAKE ME FEEL A LOT HAPPIER ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
CG: NOT THAT IT'S ABOUT ME.
TA: what are you worriied ii'm gonna take a long walk out of a 2hort aiirlock?
CG: THE SECURITY IS TOO HIGH FOR THAT BUT I'LL JUST UP MY CONCERN METER HERE ANYWAY.
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S UNREASONABLE FOR ME TO WORRY ABOUT SOLLUX, THIS IS A HUGE DEAL.
TA: can you not? ju2t tru2t me here ii know thii2 come2 from a good place but ii can't deal wiith you fu22iing.
CG: FINE, FINE. SO ARE YOU IN FAVOUR OR NOT IN FAVOUR OF TAKING ROSE'S BLOCK IN HER HIVE WITH DAVE AND HAL?
TA: iit'2 not actually hal'2 fault, ii'm really not mad at hiim. be2iide2, we're friiend2 2o that'2 2omethiing.
CG: YOU AND DAVE ARE FRIENDS.
TA: no you and dave are friiend2, we've never hung out on our own wiithout you. ii don't have a problem wiith hiim or anythiing, we're ju2t acquaiintance2 or whatever. ii don't not liike hiim.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NOT NOT LIKING HIM IS A STEP UP FROM THE GENERAL POPULATION SO I'LL TAKE IT.
CG: FINAL ANSWER BEFORE I GO ASK DAVE IF HE'S UP FOR THIS, MOVING IN WITH THEM, YES OR NO?
TA: whatever
CG: SOLLUX I SWEAR TO FUCK I'LL COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT YOU WITH A CHAIR, IT'S A BINARY CHOICE. PICK ONE!
TA: ye2 then
TA: gee2
TA: you're alway2 a biitch before lunch and ii alway2 forget that
CG: WRONG AGAIN, I'M A BITCH ALL THE TIME. SO FUCK YOU.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

CG: GET OUT OF YOUR OFFICE SO WE CAN GO TALK TO YOUR STUPID BROTHER.
TT: I would say which one, since that quality hardly narrows it down much but then we both know that I know you mean Dave.
CG: OK WAS TWO LETTERS, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY FASTER ROSE.
TT: Same to you.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

There was a point in your life when that conversation would have gone on far longer but now you mostly know better. Mostly.

You get up, grab your things and head out of your office. You meet up with Rose in the corridor who hands you an apple breakfast bar.

“This is where I’m going to eat this instead of asking if you’re insinuating that I’m hangry because no one wins in that conversation.” you tell her sharply and tear the packaging open.

“I wouldn’t say that. I’d say that I win.” Rose smiles, she’s still smiling when you elbow her.

The two of you get the train further along the side of your ship and then catch the crossline to the starboard side, after that it’s a bit of a walk but eventually you find your way to the climbing gym. As far as you’re aware some insane people do this for fun but it’s the sailors who get first priority when it comes to getting time here. Some sailors like Gamzee are specialised in combat, either when dealing with potentially hostile situations between ships or worse yet with pirates. It’s not unheard of either for the fauna on a planet to give people trouble and his job is very much stopping that from being a problem.

Aradia is all about working with the geology of the planets that you come to and helping the engineering crew and the automated extractors get resources that previous passing ships have flagged. That’s all well and good and you don’t have to worry about environmental damage when a planet has only a few months before it’s gone entirely. Dave’s job is… well, technically he’s just a sailor but that’s not really what people call that role. He’s a jack as in ‘jack of all trades’. He knows enough about most things to be vaguely useful to people but not so much that he’s a specialist that needs to focus on that. So Dave’s skillset along with all the other sailors of his class is very varied. Go build a shelter, blow that thing up, put an antenna ten miles that way on a big rock that faces East. In this case what Dave is presumably training for is climbing work.

Just looking up at how high he is makes your digestionsac churn. He’s not connected to anything as far as you can see. Or maybe he is because you can see a rope going up behind him but there’s nothing ahead of him. You watch as Dave shifts, hooking his foot over a tiny little hold on the wall. You gasp as he takes one hand fully off of the wall, which given that he’s almost totally upside down right now seems stupid. He reaches between his legs and pulls at the rope which the troll underneath him on the ground hastily spools out for him.

Dave shifts back and forward a little before swinging ahead, kicking off with both feet to smack the rope through a glowing ring. Dave hangs by one hand for a second and then two.

“Hey, hey don’t stop or you’ll lose it!” the guy on the rope shouts up at Dave, you squint at him as you try to summon the name into your head.

It only appears when you see his quadrantmate further down the room also watching Dave. The guy with the rope is Azadaja and that’s Konyyl walking closer with her eyes on Dave.

“Move it skinny!” she yells up at him and with a grunt of effort Dave swings his legs back up onto the wall and then JAMS HIS WHOLE HAND IN A GIANT CRACK IN THE WALL.

“I think he’s gonna get over the overhang with it on.” Azdaja says with a nod.

“With my weight class on?” Konyyl asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yup.” he nods and lets out a little more rope.

“Karkat, what’s up?” Nepeta’s voice drags your attention back to the ground and you see her walking across the gym to you and Rose.

“We wanted to talk to Dave but I suppose we’ll have to wait until he gets down.” Rose says for you.

Nepeta looks up at him and smiles before returning her attention to you.

“He’s running a test to prove his weight class certification right now so you’ll have to wait a little bit.” Nepeta tells you.

Technically she outranks you in general but especially over her crew, of which Dave is a member. But then again as HR you can veto that, you’d just need a damn good reason and you don’t have one. Not that you feel like doing that anyway.

“What does that even mean?” you ask with a frown as you look up at Dave making achingly slow progress towards the edge of the wall that hangs over the rest. You’ve no idea how he’s going to get over that corner but it seems like it’s going to be much easier when he does.

“Everyone who leaves the ship is in a weight class and we need to be able to carry people who are injured or hurt, so right now Dave is proving that he can carry his own weight up there as well as hauling someone in the weight class that Konyyl and Jake are in, Gamzee too actually.” Nepeta answers happily.

You stare bug eyed up at Dave as you try to imagine that he’s hauling the weight of your gigantic moirail up with him. Gamzee might be a lanky fucker but he’s dense with muscle and there’s a lot of him. As someone who’s woken up when Gamzee’s rolled over in his sleep and got squished in the process you’re more than impressed.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, AGH!” the sound of Dave cursing and then a final grunt as he throws his leg over the corner of the simulated cliff.

Dave’s hand slaps on the top of the wall and for all you know he’s still cursing but there’s far too many other people in the gym shouting encouragement up at him. As soon as he’s gracelessly hauled himself over that corner he starts moving with some speed, Azdaja is feeding rope out to him at a hell of a speed. At least he is until you hear a loud metallic clang and people around break out in congratulatory cheers.

“LEAN BACK!” Azdaja shouts over the noise, the rope in his hand taut now.

There’s a vague ‘aye’ call from above and Azdaja leans backwards in his own climbing harness… thing. You guess his weight offsets Dave’s or something, some kind of pulley system too?

“Lowering!” Azdaja calls out clearly and starts to slowly let the rope out, he meticulously keeps one hand on the rope at all times but the whole thing goes through at a consistent pace.

Dave walks backwards down the wall until he gets to the corner and the way he goes backwards without so much as a flinch makes you grimace in fear. You think at this point you’d have your hands clinging to the rope and be crying for your lusus but Dave is just getting lowered down almost like he’s completely boneless. In fact he touches the floor with his feet and then melts back onto the floor with a soft thump as the weight vest around his chest hits the ground before his actual upper body does.

“You did it!” Nepeta chirps delightedly.

“I’d high five you but I have noodle arms and thanks to that hand jam I think I’m like… a pound of skin lighter.” Dave groans.

“You did very well, also Rose and Karkat are here to see you.” Nepeta tells him brightly.

Dave tips his head back to look at you both, his black and red eyes fixed right on you for a second before flickering to Rose.

“Don’t get up on our account. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Rose says and crouches down at Dave’s side.

“‘Kay, I’m just gonna… breathe.” Dave pants and claws at his vest for a bit to try to undo it.

“So, it’s about Sollux.” Rose starts.

“Oh, we all know about that. Aradia was supposed to join us tonight for a social and she called out. That really sucks about her and Sollux.” Nepeta says sadly.

“Rough break.” Dave agrees and grunts as he shrugs out of the weighted vest and then heaves himself upright.

“Good work.” Azdaja says and tosses him a red bottle of water with a duct tape label around it that has Dave’s name in marker on it, the Alternian letters of his name slightly faded over time and showing the silver tape below.

“Well the thing is that he has nowhere to live now and at the moment he’s sleeping on Karkat and Gamzee’s loungeplank.” Rose explains.

Dave grimaces and then opens his water bottle with his teeth and spits the cap into his lap.

“That ain’t a recipe for anyone to have a good time. Are you asking if he can stay with us because of course he can.” Dave says and you feel a little more heartened about the relationship between Dave and Sollux.

As far as you know Sollux is right and they’ve never spent time alone with each other but they’ve spent what must be hundreds of hours in the same group and they do talk to each other. Sollux is just being pessimistic, you’re sure of it.

“I was actually suggesting that he could have my block and I could finally move in with Kanaya.” Rose says, her tone honest and upfront.

You watch as Rose stares her twin down, Dave doesn’t seem against it as such but you can see the way he’s chewing the inside of his cheek a little as he thinks.

“You know what? Sure. He’s cool and he and ‘radia have been together longer than even me an’ Jade so… I mean I get it, I’d be crushed too. Besides if he stays on Gamzee’s loungeplank someone’s gonna get maimed. Plus, we keep the place if it’s just a swap with you for Sollux. If he and Hal are cool with it and Kanaya is fine with you moving over then I’m cool.” Dave nods.

“No one’s getting maimed.” you protest but no one listens.

“I trolled her earlier today, she’s delighted to say the least. I can start packing right away and I’m sure you could move Sollux in.” Rose smiles.

“Not that I’m not always delighted to be your free move-shit-around-guy but Nep kind of owns my ass right now, I know my job is just the most fun but I am on the clock.” Dave points out.

“No you’re not. You beat your record and like you said you have noodle arms now. Go help pack boxes and move boxes, that’s a big part of your job anyway. It’s functional training. Besides which you probably want to move quickly to get Sollux’s stuff out before Aradia’s shift finishes.” Nepeta says gently.

“How about I get started packing when you shower and get things together, we can move me out and you can get to Sollux and Aradia’s place afterwards?” Rose suggests.

“I’ll sign out the dolly so you can move the boxes easier.” Nepeta adds helpfully.

Dave squints at his boss and his sister suspiciously, though both Rose and Nepeta look as innocent as can be.

“Getting the feeling that I don’t exactly have a lot of choice here but fine, help me up.” Dave says with a sigh, he holds his hand out to Nepeta who hauls him to his feet.

You wrinkle your nose a little at the sweaty outline on the floor from where Dave was just sitting, the sleeveless shirt he was wearing under that weighted vest is drenched too. The idea of an athletic guy sounds nice until you work out how much sweating there is involved in that, and despite what you just watched Dave do and how much weight he just carried up with him he still doesn’t exactly look strong. He’s not built like Equius, even if he is seemingly stronger than he looks.

“As if I would ever manipulate you.” Rose gasps in offence and Dave just rolls his eyes at her.

“Since this is all sorted now I’m going to go get back to work.” you announce.

“Oh, gross, paperwork? Sitting at a desk? So tacky and uncool, I can’t believe you’d say such things in my presence Karkat.” Dave gasps in mock horror.

You flip him off of course and Dave covers his mouth with a hand like he’s so terribly scandalised.

“How dare you, I’ll report you to- oh, I see why you got the job now. It’s just so you can flip people off with impunity isn’t it?” he accuses you gleefully.

“It’s listed as one of the perks of the job.” Rose agrees.

“Well thank you both and fuck you both, I’m leaving. Nice seeing you Nepeta.” you’re polite to her at least and she beams at you cheerfully and waves you off.

You return to your office alone this time, seeing as you don’t count the wrap that you got to go as company. It’s a really sad state of affairs when food counts for company. You get back to work and for a bit you eat with one hand and type with the other. There’s always so much work for you to do and you know some consider your work boring or soulless. Just looking at your earliest childhood friends Aradia’s an archeologist and sailor, Tavros is a vet, Sollux works in IT which isn’t massively exciting but it gives him all kinds of time to code fun things out of hours and you know he actually does like the problem solving parts of his job. Nepeta is a staff sergeant with the sailors which means she’s in charge of a crazy number of people, Kanaya’s a fashion designer, Terezi’s in law, Vriska…

Well, you don’t talk about Vriska.

But beyond her Equius is a goddamn robotics prosthetics doctor, Gamzee’s a sailor too and Eridan and Feferi are now off with the Alliance leaders trying to forge a new era in your post planetary lives. And here you are, Karkat Vantas, descendant of a revolutionary who died for his cause and you work in HR.

It doesn’t sound like anything but it really is. You can’t yell the universe into submission but you’ve planted your feet right where you are and you will yell, negotiate, badger, harass and press for legislation to help people. Is some douchebag in the housing department being a prick to a resident and saying that they damaged things they didn’t or refusing to fix things? Someone only has to tell you and you’ll go give the right people hell until the people who need help are helped. Some creep sexually harassing someone at work? They’re going to get your wrath and if they really get on your bad side you’ll make them go listen to one of Kankri’s endless seminars.

You like fixing other people’s problems. It’s way easier than problems that affect you.

On that particular note your mind keeps trying to go back to what you heard about Gamzee that he was creeping Sollux out by watching him sleep. But-

Ugh. It’s not like you saw it or that Sollux complained to you about it personally. This sort of rumour mill thing doesn’t go well and you’d really REALLY rather avoid having to talk to Gamzee about how he treats Sollux, not that the conversation the other way around goes any better.

Gamzee can be difficult sometimes. You know his chucklevoodoos can leak out sometimes which can make entirely innocent things seem creepy at shit and that’s not really his fault. Besides if you ask him and it just turns out that he was getting up in the night to piss and happened to be all voodoo-y when he looked over at Sollux then that’d explain it, except now you’ve caused a problem by bringing it up.

You really don’t feel good about any of this. This is what you mean when you say that other people’s problems are easier.

You bury your feelings in work and only realise that you stayed half an hour late when you just happen to glance at the clock. The train ride back home isn’t any more or less annoying than usual, it’s mundane enough that you’re thinking of dinner right until you walk in the door of your hive.

The door snaps closed behind you and you stagger with dizziness, your breath stuck in your chest. You feel like you’re drowning as your blood pusher beats at an off kilter rhythm. Everything around you is dark, far too dark and your ears are filled with a voice, low and rasping as it sings out a deep melody.

It’s- it’s just chucklevoodoos, you’re fine. You drag in a breath because you can breathe, it’s all in your head that you can’t. The voice, Gamzee’s voice is coming from the abutionblock and so you stagger and stumble that way even as the floor seems to tip and sway under your feet.

“Gamzee!” you shout out, drowning out the song from where it’s burrowing into your thinksponge.

Gamzee’s head whips around from the mirror and you swear, you swear his eyes are going black around the edges like an endless darkness drowning out the yellow of his irises. He rushes you and grabs you, you think you might have been about to fall.

“I didn’t hear you come in, I didn’t hear you.” Gamzee says soothingly as the world abruptly starts to right itself.

Pulling back to look at him you see that his face is half painted, that must have been why he was at the mirror. He was only halfway done.

“What the fuck… were you singing? Did I imagine that?” you ask, not sure what was just the voodoos and what was reality.

“Yeah, it was nothing. Just a thing, a song from work. Sorry I caught you.” Gamzee apologises and runs his thumb over your cheek.

“It was an accident, and you thought you were alone. It’s… ugh.” you rub at your temples, your thinksponge still feels a little… squirmy.

“Hey, how about we get some food in you? Make you feel all kinds of better after that. Just let me finish my face.” Gamzee suggests as he sets you on the floor and picks up his paintbrush again.

“Yeah, ‘course. Ugh. It’s uh, it’s just you and me again. Sollux found somewhere to move in, or I guess it was Rose’s idea. She’s moving in with Kanaya and he’s moving in with Dave and Hal.” you explain.

Gamzee snorts dismissively and paints near his eye with a careful hand.

“That ain’t gonna go well for him.” Gamzee tuts.

“I thought you wanted Sollux out of here. Besides, the three of them get on, everyone wins.” you argue.

“Oh, Sollux’ll be fine. He ain’t the one I mean.” Gamzee says vaguely.

You frown and consider that Gamzee must know very little about Hal so by process of elimination…

“You think there’ll be a problem with Dave?” you ask.

“Sollux and Dave’ll be like a hive on fire, don’t worry.” Gamzee says, keeping still as he lines near his eyebrow and then pulls back to look at himself assessingly.

If they’re going to get on well then why did Gamzee say… oh, whatever. You’re used to Gamzee’s ramblings often being nonsensical and you don’t have the energy to chase each vague statement down. You hold your hands out and see that the shaking has basically stopped, you’re used to shaking chucklevoodoos off mostly by now. It usually happens if Gamzee has a bad dream, it’s pretty rare for you to both be awake and have this happen.

“Where’d you wanna go, little diamond?” Gamzee asks as he turns to you with a lazy smile and ruffles your hair between your horns.

“Curry?” you suggest and Gamzee gives you a little nod like he doesn’t have any strong feelings either way and is happy to do what you want.

Dinner is nice and it’s only when you’re on your way home when you get a message on trollian from Sollux. It’s a picture message with a huge open pizza box on the coffee table at the Strider’s place, just in the corner of the picture you can see either Dave or Hal’s hand retreating out of frame with a big slice. You guess they moved him in just fine.

When you go to sleep you’ve entirely forgotten about Gamzee’s weird chucklevoodoo episode, but all the same a frenetic and uneven beats runs through your dreams with vague words humming between your synapses.

When I woke up this night the ship was sinkin'
The lifeboat is wrecked and the ship is sinkin
The lookout is drunk and the ship is sinkin'
Fire is loose and the ship is sinkin'

Chapter Text

You linger in Rose’s doorway as you watch her pack up. You keep your cool facade up but inside your guts are squirming with anxiety. You hate moving, you hate watching people move and you’re not thrilled about not living with Rose anymore. Not to say, of course, that you and Rose living together is always moonshine and rainbows, you can drive each other bonkers. The point is though you’ve never not lived with her, you even lived with her before you were born.

Oh my god they were womb-mates

No, you don’t speak English beyond vintage memes and song lyrics, and the obligatory swear words that you learn in all languages. So, yes, that joke only works in a language you don’t speak but STILL.

“Box, please.” Rose says as she hefts all of her books up in one large armful.

You already have one premade and all taped up at the bottom too so you hold it out and watch Rose carefully slot her books in place. Paper books are kind of a primo resource but Rose has always been big on them. Technically half of these are yours since you used your allowance of the physical materials to get them but you don’t want them so it’s whatever.

With the books in place you quickly fold the top flaps of the box all around each other and wait for the next thing she wants. This would be easier if she’d let you help pack but just as you have issues around moving Rose gets touchy if you touch her stuff.

“Kanaya’s going to be insufferably happy isn’t she? You too, I bet.” you remark as you assemble another box.

“It’s a big step and I’m glad that we could do it in a way that means you don’t have to go anywhere.” Rose says.

Because you don’t want to ever move again. You’re going to be buried in this hive if you have any say in the matter.

You kind of kill the conversation after that and just industriously pack. Rose has more stuff than most people but it’s still not a lot so it’s not all that long before you’re pushing the floating dolly mover onto the train as the two of you head over to Kanaya’s place. Or, you suppose as it now is, Rose and Kanaya’s place. Maybe it should be Kanaya’s and Rose’s? That way it’s alphabetical and reflects who lived there first.

Hmmm.

“Say,” you begin at the doorway where Kanaya is waiting for you both, “is this Rose and Kanaya’s hive now or Kanaya’s and Rose’s?”

“Didn’t you have somewhere else to be?” Rose asks you tartly and grabs several boxes.

“Just an innocent question.” you tell her.

“Definitely not meant to provoke people for your own amusement I am sure.” Kanaya says dryly and picks up a few more boxes.

“See, you get me Kanaya, you wouldn’t try to shuffle me off just for asking an innocent question.” you say rather pointedly looking at Rose who would do such a thing.

“Of course not. You are the sweetest and most innocent little baabeast I have ever met, surely you would never do any wrong.” Kanaya nods, barely suppressing the smile threatening to break through.

“If you’re quite done I think I need to christen my new hive with Kanaya. My plan for this first begins with rose petals, sensuous-” you don’t hear whatever else Rose has to say what with how you have your hands over your ears while loudly yelling that you can’t hear her.

It’s hard to move the floating dolly by kicking it down the hallway but you’d rather do that than risk hearing anything Rose has to say right now.

The train ride to IT is going to be pretty uneventful and even with the dolly folded up you still have to wait by the doors instead of getting a seat. So, you know, you shift your attention to your palmhusk.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TG: hey radia just like word to the wise here im gonna be swinging by your place with sollux in a bit
TG: hes moving in with me and hal
TG: we arent gonna like run into you and have it be a whole thing are we because i really really dont want to get in the middle of that
TG: i cant even believe that you guys are really breaking up youve been together longer than me and jade even
AA: yes i think we were kind of a lot of peoples benchmarks for what was a long term relationship
AA: i wont be there trying to start an argument or anything
TG: i mean thats something but still are you ok
AA: not really and also yes
TG: uh
AA: i mean that obviously im hurt and sad that we arent together anymore but when people were asking about us breaking up during the wedding all i could think of was that the only thing about that which didnt make sense was that he wouldnt have told me
AA: the rest seemed to make sense
TG: its pretty unsettling to think that a relationship can just die without anyone noticing
AA: it feels like going down a set of stairs and suddenly there not being the same number that there always was
AA: the whole thing has just thrown me off balance
TG: shit im really sorry
TG: are you sure youre cool with sollux living here i mean i know i agreed to keep an eye on him if anything ever happened to you just like you did with me for jade but i was hoping that wouldnt happen
AA: and also that i would be dead in that situation
TG: yeah
TG: not that im wishing you were dead
AA: thanks
TG: look ill move him in but tomorrow the whole crew could drown your sorrows at tortuga
AA: sorrows tend to be good swimmers so i hear
AA: but i think that might help so ill talk to nepeta about it since i know shes worrying
TG: there you go good old aradia
TG: always got the spirit
AA: allow me to hit a cymbal to commemorate your pun
TG: everyones a critic
TG: ok i gotta go but im holding you to tomorrow
AA: okay

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

When your stop comes up you push the floating dolly off onto the platform so it’ll actually float again instead of rolling on wheels. The thing is not designed to be a levitating scooter but it’s also not not designed to be used as that.

You coast easily through the doors of the IT department to the amazement of absolutely no one since you guess everyone is in the back office. You lean on the desk and wait, knowing full well that the two of them should be able to see you and also knowing that if Hal is busy he’ll be pissy at getting interrupted. Somewhat surprisingly it’s Sollux who comes out through the door, he’s still dressed all formal from the wedding although with his unhappy expression your guess would have been that he’d come from a funeral instead.

“Hey man, I’ve got everything ready to help you move. Rose is all moved out so we can go now.” you tell him.

“Are you actually alright with me moving in with you?” Sollux asks, sounding pretty exhausted.

“I hate moving in general to be honest, but Rose wanted to be with Kanaya and you needed a place so it makes sense. Besides you and Hal are tight and we’re cool. On top of that I sure as shit don’t hate you enough to leave you on Gamzee’s loungeplank for the foreseeable future, no one I know has done anything bad enough to warrant that.” you say with a grimace at the idea.

“I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the escape from that in particular.” Sollux shudders.

“Yeah, I’m sure Karkat’s loungeplank would have been fine if Gamzee was away but then I would have to be dealing with him so then I’d be pissed off. You moving in with us stops anyone from dealing with him. Except Karkat, I guess? But he signed up for that for some reason.” you frown at that thought but it's not your business.

“I can only assume thinksponge damage.” Sollux agrees.

“Not to interrupt dunking on Gamzee but I just wanted to say that if you’re still packing when the shift is over let me know and I’ll come help.” Hal offers from the doorway to the back, you hadn’t even heard him open it the sneaky fucker.

“Right, we should get going.” you nod.

Sollux makes a noise of vague agreement and waves goodbye to Hal, he shuffles past you to the door and heads on out. Making eye contact with Hal a look of ‘yikes’ passes between you both, Sollux is clearly suffering from this breakup. Poor guy.

“Oh, before you go, you can borrow this for his husktop and screens. It’ll protect all of it, just let him pack it and get him to bring it back to work. It’s technically not something we’re meant to give out but ehhhh.” Hal shrugs and hands over a surprisingly light metal box that’s decently big.

“Thanks for the lack of faith in my ability to safely transport tech, you know, the thing that is a large part of my job. I’m the designated hauling shit around for nerds guy, you know.” you point out.

“Your nerd has already left.” Hal counters and, shit, he’s right.

You put the box on the dolly then pull the dolly back into the hallway to quickly dart after Sollux.

“So I have a whole bunch of folded boxes, this thing for your tech, and my big mission bag of nearly infinite storage.” you tell him, gesturing to each thing in turn.

“Okay?” Sollux says like he’s not sure why you’re telling him.

“Well my point was that Hal said I should let you use this for your tech but I can happily pack up anything for you, so just point me at whatever needs packing and we can hopefully get through this as painlessly as possible. Which is probably going to be at least somewhat painful because moving sucks and breaking up with Aradia is definitely gonna suck.” you concede.

Sollux gives you a look that you’re not sure what to do with so you just keep talking in what’s starting to be something close to a panic. You’re pretty sure you’re digging yourself a hole here and you’d like to dig your way out but you’re not sure if you’re actually just digging deeper.

“The point I was getting to was that if you tell me what you want me to do I’ll do it, and if there’s stuff you don’t want me touching just say the word. I can also do none of it if you’d hate having someone else in your stuff because I get that, I don’t like people moving my stuff about either.” you go on.

Sollux is just watching you as you babble.

“What I mean is I can be flexible here, so flexible. Gymnastic athlete with one of those connective tissue disorders that give you hypermobility kind of flexible.” you keep talking, the words just don’t stop.

“Are you just going to keep going if I don’t stop you?” he finally asks.

“Yeah, so please do. I’m a perpetual motion machine of words sometimes like-” you go on.

“Shut up. You could pack clothes maybe, that’s easy enough to tell if it’s mine or Aradia’s and it’s not like I’ve got anything secret in my closet.” he tells you and you sigh in relief.

“Yeah, I can do that. I’m really good at packing clothes by now.” you nod.

Sollux walks into the train terminal before you and looks up at the sign to see when the next train is coming, it’s only a few minutes since the train lines that run on every other deck in each direction just constantly circle the ship. You’ve seen in old Earth movies what trains used to be like, heavy slow things that you had to pay to use for some reason. Or at least it was a thing when characters hop the barriers to avoid paying. Sollux interrupts your internal train of thought on trains specifically.

“So was it KK who told you or did she?” Sollux asks, making you cringe a little. You’d sort of hoped this wouldn’t come up.

“Both, but uh… Aradia first.” you admit.

Sollux says nothing but the way he’s just watching you compels you to elaborate even though you deeply wish you weren’t talking about this at all.

“She told us- I mean people at work first, just to explain why she wasn’t showing up to something.” you go on, kind of glossing over how much and what had been said.

As long as he doesn’t directly ask you then you should be okay, right?

“What did she say exactly?” Sollux asks.

Fuck.

You hesitate a little, thankfully the train arrives which gives you an excuse to get inside and buys you a little bit of time to think.

“Not a lot really. Just that things had kind of ended and that it seemed inevitable but was sad, the thing with Hal wasn’t really the problem though I’m sure Hal’s going to feel guilty for forever. Word to the wise, feel free to hold that over his head for menial favours indefinitely, or you should at least be good for a few years. But yeah I guess she realised that things had been over for a while so I figure she thought that meant she’d end it.” you elaborate.

“She said she broke up with me?” Sollux asks in surprise.

You open your mouth to answer and then pause as you try to think about it.

“You know, now that you say that I can’t remember her saying that. Just the way it sounded like a tough realisation she’d come to and how she didn’t mention… did you break up with her?” you ask, it wasn’t as if Aradia had acted like she was the dump-ee there.

“Yeah, I did. Because she didn’t realise that being Hal’s date was a favour but also didn’t actually give a fuck, she thought I’d broken up with her and forgotten to tell her and she just went on as normal!” Sollux hisses angrily.

You can see the vague aura of his psionics gathering around his head, not yet visible as sparks to the human eye but with yours it’s pretty visible. Ever since you actually reached decent eyesight cybernetically you’ve considered it your personal early warning system with psionics. Though, given the subject and how emotional he looks you didn’t really need it here.

“That’s… eh. Look, I like Aradia and I’m not trying to shittalk her here. I like working with someone who stays levelheaded and doesn’t panic when shit goes wrong and focuses on the present. Those are really good qualities, just in a relationship that’s… I’m trying to think of a term that’s not just ‘fucked up’ here.” you say with a wince.

Sollux’s shoulders slump and his psionic aura fades down, poor guy looks really broken up about it.

“Fucked up works.” Sollux says quietly.

“For what it’s worth I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do just say the word.” you tell him gently.

“You’re already letting me live with you.” he points out, sliding down in his seat.

“Hey, not condemning you to Gamzee is just basic goddamn decency. When I have to be around him at least I’m getting paid for it.” you snort.

“They couldn’t pay me enough to do that.” Sollux snorts.

“I’ve always appreciated your willingness to shittalk psycho the clown with me. I do not know what Karkat sees in him.” you tell Sollux who just shakes his head in your mutual lack of understanding.

You glance out of the window and frown, with a thought you drag up Aradia’s address from your palmhusk so it flickers translucently across your vision. This next stop is the one you need. You get up and head to the doorway and watch Sollux realise just what stop you’re coming up to and then gets up to follow you.

“I think he just thinks he doesn’t have any other option, and he’s stubborn. I mean he does pity Gamzee, I know that. But I can’t actually crowbar him out of there without acting like I’m the asshole and then Gamzee has him all to himself.” Sollux says grimly.

“Yeah, leaving Karkat with no out from the circus nightmare is a bad idea but still there’s no accounting for taste I guess.” you say.

The train slows and when the doors open the two of you get out. Sollux sort of switches to autopilot and leads the way back to his hive which is fine by you. When he gets to the door he presses his keypass to the sensor and the door slides open, you’ll have to give him access to yours when you get back. Actually, he’ll probably be fine to do that himself and won’t spend five minutes trying to figure it out before googling it like you and Rose did earlier today when you took her off of your hive register.

When he opens the door you shove the dolly towards the little sideboard where the mugs, coffee maker and small sink are. They’ve got a little mini-fridge same as you do but no real space to cook anything. When you lived with Dad as a kid you actually had something close to a kitchen because all of you needed things like cereal and toast in the morning before school and it wasn’t practical for a father of seven kids to take all of you out to eat every morning.

You know it’s more efficient this way, the A’tuin works where people have a basic area for coffee and not much else and all meals are comped by the ship and you can get food delivered or through eating out at one of the bajillion food places. But the Phobos where you were born was an old human ship, it dated back to the apocalypse that’s how old it was, things there were different. Aside from it being built like shit it wasn’t designed well. Each housing unit in the place had a full kitchen and place to eat built in with stoves, blenders, microwaves and everything.

You remember having to stand in the stairwell at the end of your floor a bunch of times because some idiot set the fire alarm off in their place. Not to mention that just because you had a fridge didn’t mean there was food in it. Like, sure, the fridge was often full but the things your biohazard- sorry, biological father put in there weren’t safe for kids or anyone.

You shouldn’t just be thinking about this because you thought of a fridge. You turn and give Sollux a tight smile, shaking your earlier thoughts off.

“I’ll get started on your clothes, if there’s any where I don’t know if they’re yours or hers I’ll leave ‘em to the side and you can just let me know at the end.” you tell him brightly and quickly walk out of the room to the respiteblock.

You open the doors of the wardrobe and survey the insides. Half of the wardrobe rail is neat and half of the shelves are folded up tight and properly, with the practice of someone who often has to pack clothes into a very tight space and be shot at planets in a rocket to go look at rocks. Unfortunately you’re here for the other half.

“Remember to tell the laundry people you’ve moved!” you shout across the hive, just biting down on the second sentence that was going to fuck everything up.

Yeah shockingly saying ‘if you don’t you’ll just be mailing your underwear to your ex’ is not something that’d go down well. In fairness it is the laundry system, it’d be clean and delivered by the little robots like normal clean laundry so it’s not like buying worn underwear off of the shady parts of the internet. Again, also things that you shouldn’t say aloud.

Instead of thinking about weird shit like that you start packing Sollux’s clothes into your backpack. Folding clothes up in neat and efficient ways for packing is such a practiced skill for you that you can zone out a little and just fall into the pattern of work.

The only thing that gives you trouble is when you get to his shoes and you spend ages looking for the other one in each half. You know he normally wears one black and one white but it takes you a while of looking to work out that he must somehow buy them that way or something.

A few things here and there you have to ask him about, like which toothbrush and soaps are his. There’s no point taking painkillers and sticking plasters from their medicine cabinet because he can just take some from yours if he needs them. You and Rose sure as shit didn’t give her one third of that stuff from your place.

“Okay, I’ve got all of the clothes except for underwear. All of the socks more or less looked the same so I wasn’t sure whose was whose and I wasn’t totally sure on the underwear either and I’m not pawing uninvited through Aradia’s underwear or yours. Is everything in here that’s not husktop parts and cables yours?” you ask, gesturing to the few little figurines and toys.

“Yeah. Them and… all of the mugs in the other room that don’t have skulls on. I have a blanket somewhere that Kanaya made for me, it’s all bee themed.” Sollux says, leaning on the metal case that Hal gave you for Sollux’s husktop. With a click it closes and Sollux switches to putting the peripheral stuff in a box.

“I think I saw that by the bed. Okay, I’ll grab this stuff first and move out that way after.” you nod.

You unfold another box and start picking things up here and there, carefully slotting them into the box without damaging anything. As you do all of this Sollux watching you silently, a frown set firmly onto his face.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks out of nowhere.

“Because we’re friends.” you say at the exact same time that Sollux says “It’s not like we’re friends.”

The two of you stare at each other in silence for several deeply uncomfortable seconds. Well, they’re deeply uncomfortable to YOU but what do you know? Apparently nothing, that’s what.

“We’ve literally never hung out without other people there except for now.” Sollux says finally.

“That doesn’t- man I’ve known you since I was thirteen.” you point out.

“You’ve known Gamzee since you were thirteen.” Sollux counters.

“Why’d you have to remind me of that? And, hey, I’ve spent time with him one on one which if anything suggests that spending solo time with another person isn’t the criteria for being friends with them.” you argue back.

“We’re in the same friend group, that doesn’t mean we’re friends. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the help and it’s nice you’re letting me live with you and all, I just don’t get why.” he says.

“Well, too bad. You’re my friend you don’t get to decide if I think you’re my friend or not. You can decide that I’m not yours but here’s the thing, I think we are and we’re going to be living together. We can hang out and do friend stuff like watch movies and play games, we can develop annoying in jokes and everything. I’ll friendzone your ass so hard you won’t know what hit you.” you tell him firmly.

“That somehow manages to be the weirdest use of that word I’ve ever heard.” Sollux says flatly.

You sigh and set the box down on his desk and then properly face Sollux.

“Look, you want the truth?” you ask him.

“Yeah, go on.” Sollux says, raising an eyebrow like he’s daring you.

“I think we’re friends, I’m not lying about that. Sure, you’re not my closest friend or anything but I think we’re friends. I know you’re a good person and I am friends with Aradia too. I get what it’s like to have dated someone that long as well and I can’t imagine how much this must suck right now. The least I can do is help out when Rose handed me a way to do that.” you tell him.

“By definition the least you could do is nothing. I get that Rose offered to move but you could have said no.” Sollux points out.

“That’d be a bulge move to pull. Besides, sometimes people need help even if that help is just somewhere new to live because things have gone bad where they are.” you say quietly.

You know what it’s like to need that kind of help, this situation is pretty goddamn different but there’s a reason that you’re not going to turn your back on a friend who needs a place to stay, beyond general decency that is. Sollux looks a little bit like he might argue that point but you can see him working out what you actually meant by that and then at least he has the sense to bite his tongue on whatever protest he had.

“Well, thanks, I guess. I can’t promise to be a great hivemate but still, thanks.” he says instead.

“Oh no man, I’m set on this friendship thing. We’re going to have to rename this ship the friendship. I’m going to make friendship bracelets, we can build blanket forts, pop grubcorn. You’re on a one way trip to platonic friendship central over here.” you say with maniacal delight.

“Somehow I forgot about your commitment to doing things ironically and now I’m deeply regretting my decisions.” Sollux groans.

“Too late man, you and me we’re in this together now. Like some old timey war movie, I’ll tredge through mud in the depths of a country that doesn’t exist anymore like Vietnam or something to drag you back to the dropship. I won’t leave you behind.” you vow.

“Leaving the room.” Sollux announces loudly and walks off.

Hey, at least he’s not being sad about Aradia now. That’s a point in your favour. You return your attention to boxing up everything on Sollux’s desk and when you’re done you grab the mugs that he mentioned before. After that it’s just waiting for Sollux to be done with his clothes and you pass that time by wandering around the main room of their hive and asking Sollux if something that you see is his or not. In your defence you catch several things that are his, a lost flashdrive, a console gaming system he’d entirely overlooked, and a fossil that Aradia had apparently given him. That last one looked like it hurt to pack up but Sollux still sealed it away in a box with the rest of his stuff.

“I think that’s everything. I hope I didn’t forget anything important.” Sollux says as he has one last look over the room.

“Even if you have it’s not like you can never come back here, is it?” you point out and Sollux shrugs a little, maybe he just doesn’t want to come back here or it could be that the thought of talking to Aradia again is just too raw.

“I guess.” Sollux says but with how quiet the words are you don’t know if he’s talking to himself or to you.

He opens the door and the two of you leave his and Aradia’s hive so that it’s now just Aradia’s hive. She probably doesn’t have to move too, anyone who routinely has to work on planet is afforded a somewhat larger living space although not so much that you could have held down your place if Rose had moved out.

It’s not like you want any special perks for your job, you never asked for them. You could certainly do without regular people thinking you’re some kind of gallant space explorer or treating you like a hero, Jake drinks that shit right up but not you. You’d rather not think about it.

Not thinking about it.

“So, does pizza sound good then?” you ask as you hastily change the subject even though the other subject had been only in your head.

“I don’t really care and after I’ve set all this up I’ll probably care even less.” Sollux says glumly.

“Pizza it is then.” you say.

Sollux isn’t much for talking on the way back, he seems pretty lost in his own thoughts but when you open the door to your place he seems to come back online. You watch him as he looks around a hive that he’s definitely been in several times before but he looks at it like he hasn’t. But then, maybe it’s different when you’re looking at a place when you’re going to live there.

“Rose’s block- well, yours is through there, gimme your key and I can get it set to this place. Hal should be able to approve it from work, not that he’s got that long left.” you check your watch as you talk and see that you’re right.

Sollux hands you his keycards, floats the box with his husktop in it up and goes into what was Rose’s respiteblock. It’s really not much to set Sollux’s card up since you can approve the request and you can just email Hal to get him to do the same. Really what you’re primarily doing is giving Sollux a moment in his new space alone. When you do make your way over there you make sure to do so with enough noise that he hears you coming.

The respiteblock isn’t huge. Rose always left her bed set up as a single and typically if she was going to be spending the night with Kanaya she’d do so at Kanaya’s place. It can fold out to a double easily enough but for now that part of the bed is folded under the main part.

So with the bed set out that way and the desk that Sollux is sat at you can actually walk around the space reasonably well. Which is to say that if you have one hand on the edge of his desk then the opposite wall is juuuuust out of reach. It’s bigger than his last respiteblock but then he didn’t have to have his desk in that one so that’s a toss up.

“Are you unpacking as well or are you just ditching things?” Sollux asks from under his desk as he plugs things in.

“I need to return the dolly at some point but there’s no rush on that, I just didn’t know if you’d want me in your space for this long or not.” you say.

“It’s not really my space yet is it?” Sollux points out as he snags another cable.

“That sounds like a philosophical question I’m not equipped to deal with. If you wanted philosophy ramblings you’ve got the wrong Strider.” you tell him.

You grab your backpack from the dolly and then reconsider putting Sollux’s clothes away, you have a better idea.

“Here, first rule of moving into somewhere: make the bed first. Then if you can’t manage to do anything else you can at least sleep tonight.” you advise him, that’s a lesson you’ve learnt through experience.

Sollux pulls out from under the desk, his mismatched eyes wide.

“Wait, I don’t have any bedding that isn’t for mine and Aradia’s bed. Shit, what am I gonna do?” he gasps.

“Hey, it’s fine. You took your pillow with all it’s squishy sopor-y goodness, you’ve got your blanket that Kanaya made you and I’m sure me and Hal have spare sheets. We can lend you some, it’s cool. We’re hivemates it’s all good.” you assure him and then step out of his respiteblock.

A quick search of the cupboard by the ablutionblock reveals plenty of spare bedding which you take back to him in a big armful.

“Here, this should hold you until you decide to buy your own. Unless you’re entirely smitten by my dog print sheets, which is completely understandable because they’re rad.” you grin and toss your sheets at the bed.

Sollux leans forwards and pulls at the sheet to look at the frankly adorable cartoon dogs that adorn the whole surface of it.

“Let me guess, Jade got you these?” he says flatly.

“Wriggling day gift a few years back.” you confirm.

“Is Bec… going to be here a lot? I saw the barkbeast bed out there. I’ve never lived with an animal.” he asks warily.

“Well he’s here sometimes but usually only when Jade is here and not even all of the time then. It’s not like he’s my guide dog anymore, not that he was great at that job either but he tried. Mostly he lives with the Captain now and sometimes Jade, he’s retired, she’s old, it works out.” you explain, although the urge to go find your former guide dog and cuddle him is strong now.

Sollux looks up at you from the floor and there’s something about his gaze that just has you pinned in place, like he’s seeing right through you. As quickly as it came it passes and he looks away.

“At the risk of setting off your stupid friendship argument again we don’t really know each other all that well.” he says quietly.

“I mean… I’m pretty sure you know a lot about me. I know a lot about you, including stuff… people that I shouldn’t mention.” you say and Sollux winces, even just alluding to Mituna isn’t a good idea.

To keep your hands busy you start making the bed. You’re surprised when Sollux starts talking again and you pause partway through tucking the sheets in to listen.

“What about not smalltalk questions?” he suggests.

“I’ll make you a deal, you don’t ask me about anything specifically from before I got to this ship and I don’t ask about him.” you offer.

“Deal.” Sollux nods.

You snag his pillow and drop it on the bed with a faint squish sound. You pick up the rest of the bedding and start getting it set up as well.

“Name one thing that no matter how long ago it was that suddenly comes into your mind, something you said or did, that just haunts you. I’m talking retroactive cringe from forever ago.” Sollux asks and you stare at him in shock.

“Fuck, man, just go right for the jugular why don’t you?” you say, it doesn’t help that Sollux seems incredibly pleased with this laser targeted attack on your mental wellbeing.

“Alright, well, this is even me doing you a solid because this is before I got here. So I was eleven at the time and I had food poisoning, the how of that isn’t important.” you assure him and try not to think about why you ate bad food.

“The point is I still went to school anyway because I had to and the way our school was set up was that all of our stuff was on these hooks by the door and you had your own little place.” you explain.

“Like in preschool?” Sollux asks incredulously.

“Yeah! It was just like that, it was the weirdest thing. Anyway, so I’m feeling REALLY rough at recess and I figure I’m going to go back inside and get like a mint or something because that’s meant to help. And, ok my eyesight was terrible back then but I still knew my way around and this wasn’t a case of ‘oh the legally blind kid couldn’t see good’. I meant to go to my bag but I didn’t make it and uh.” you falter.

“Did you lose your lunch on people’s stuff?” Sollux breathes in something between awe and horror.

“In this one guy’s bag. I panicked because I couldn’t get in trouble so I just booked it back outside and no one ever knew or found out but I know. Well, Rose probably knows because she’s Rose but oh god even now I feel so bad about it.” you groan and put your head in your hands.

“Wow I don’t think I can top that. Pretty sure you’re only being so forthcoming because of my whole situation but go on, ask me something.” Sollux offers and leans back under his desk to fuss with cables or some shit like that.

You finish up with Sollux’s bedding and even toss the blanket that Kanaya made him on there too, all while you consider your revenge.

“What is,” you start with appropriate dramatic tension, “something that Karkat thinks is true about you but isn’t?”

The light under the desk strobes a little as Sollux presumably blinks and then slowly sits up.

“That was very specific and I’m kind of mad that there’s something I can think of that fits that.” he says slowly.

“Go on, my tender ears are ready for this scandal.” you say, sitting on his bed and waiting.

“He thinks I really like cluckbeast and I don’t. Now, don’t look at me like that, that doesn’t sound big but it is. I think it’s a texture thing, Earth cluckbeast is worse than Alternian but I can’t deal with eating it. It’s the worst. But here’s the thing, when we were doing home ec courses in that cultural history of food thing we had to cook cluckbeast. Or, actually, I don’t even think we had to but Karkat decided to. He’d been having this awful time, he’d failed some assignment, he was arguing with his lusus and Kankri was butting in as well. Karkat was this close to having a complete meltdown.” Sollux explains.

As much as you might joke that Karkat is always a hair’s breadth from a complete meltdown you know the difference between garden variety Karkat ragefits and actual emotional turmoil, so you get what Sollux means here.

“He asked me to try his food and I couldn’t just say no and I didn’t think to ask what was in it. I ate it and, oh god, it was so bad. Karkat’s cooking wasn’t great but it was the fact that it was cluckbeast that just destroyed me but I couldn’t TELL him that with how much he clearly needed this one thing to go right. So I lied, I said that it was great, that the cluckbeast was wonderful. Now I routinely have to eat the fucking thing if I can’t come up with a good excuse to get something that I’ll actually like and I’ve been lying about it for so many years now that I’m completely stuck. He’ll take me out to celebrate something and and oh hey there’s your favourite food, cluckbeast again!” Sollux explains.

“Oh man that’s actually really rough. Here, from one friend to another, I’ll try and help you out if Karkat suggests it again and I’m there.” you promise.

“I appreciate it.” Sollux says.

He shuffles completely out from under his desk and floats his screens up onto the desktop so he can start plugging those in. Since you’re done with his bed you move onto unpacking his clothes for him.

“How about this not-smalltalk question?” Sollux starts.

“Oh shit I didn’t know we were doing more but go on.” you say as you stack folded t-shirts into a drawer.

“Why did you become a sailor? It’s not like you’re not smart-” he begins.

“Hey, you have to be smart to do my job. I’m not a specialist or anything but it’s not idiot proof.” you protest.

“That… came out wrong. I meant that lots of people who do your job are in it for the athletic stardom and the whole explorer persona, either that or they’re just into being crazy violent on other planets.” Sollux corrects himself.

“That feels somewhat like a specific call out to Jake and then Gamzee to me.” you tell him, still unpacking his clothes.

“No, look what I mean is that most people seem to get into that because they get something out of it. For AA it’s all about the science and I’m guessing the same goes for Jade when she goes out there. Jake and Gamzee are pretty much what I said but I don’t get why you do it. You’re not a scientist, you’re not specialised in anything and you don’t seem to be in it for the ego jerk. It’s not like you weren’t smart enough to do something else, so why that?” Sollux asks.

You pause, your eyes flickering to the darkest corner of Sollux’s wardrobe. Well, the wardrobe that up until super recently was Rose’s. Your eyes kind of wander that way as you try to think of what answer to give him.

“It just… it was something I had to do. Besides if I didn’t do it then someone else would have taken my job and then they’d be risking things instead of me. Might as well be me.” you tell him.

“That sounds like hoofbeastshit to me but whatever.” Sollux remarks.

You don’t especially want to elaborate any more, no doubt he’s only asking because he doesn’t know. The appeal of the unknown is a pretty big thing for people, you see it in the faces of all the people who try to get the same job as you.

“Sounds like someone’s just jealous of my cool job.” you tease him instead of saying any of that.

“Oh yeah, nothing I love more than the idea of launching myself in and out of atmosphere and doing a job that’s basically permanent gym class with a bonus chance of explosions.” Sollux says flatly.

“I’d rather be climbing a cliff face than asking someone if they’ve tried turning it off and on again.” you counter.

“Can I compromise and throw people who call us with that off of a cliff?” Sollux mutters.

Looking around you see his husktop boot up problem free, but that’s pretty much what you’d expect for him. You need to think of something else to do when you’re both unpacking, keeping his mind off of Aradia has got to be better than focusing on the fact that he’s moving out because they’re over.

“Do you want me to unpack one of the boxes of other things then? I could put your stuff in the ablutionblock or-” you start.

“I think I’m done with unpacking. If I have to keep doing this I’m going to scream. I’ve got my bed, my husktop and clothes so that’s all I actually need to have right now.” Sollux says.

“Oh, sure. Uh. We could kick back and watch a movie or tv show until Hal gets back and we can order dinner. Pizza is pretty traditional for moving. Or I could show you around or-” you say.

“I’ve been here before, I know where things are and if I don’t it’s not like the place is absurdly big. I can work it out. I know which rooms are which and I’m pretty sure I can figure out a shower on my own.” Sollux says sourly.

Shit, your attempts to try to keep his mood up must have backfired. Well, crap, one last shot.

“Listen, I know things are rough right now and-” you begin carefully.

“Yeah, so what would you know about how things are? You’ve only been with Jade right and you two are fine. I appreciate this and all but you don’t know.” Sollux snaps.

You sigh and sit on the edge of his bed, trying not to snap back immediately like you want to. He’s been through a lot.

“No, I wouldn’t know what that feels like. But it’s not like I’ve never been through bad shit in my life and you are my friend so I do want to help. I’m not trying to make it worse.” you assure him.

“Alright then, I’ve got another question. Are you just letting me stay here as some favour or agreement you made with Aradia? Or did Karkat ask you to watch over me?” Sollux accuses.

“Karkat was looking for somewhere for you but all this was Rose’s idea, if you’re looking for some grand schemer it’s just lesbian shenanigans. Which would probably be the name of Rose’s band if she was in one. Aradia didn’t ask me to move you into my hive like some kind of pass the parcel game.” you tell him flatly.

Sollux deflates a little, like anger was all that was keeping him going there.

“No one’s happy that things went south with you and Aradia, man. We’re all completely thrown by it. You’re allowed to be pissed or sad or whatever about it. It’d just suck if you felt like you were only here because people felt bad for you, that ain’t it.” you tell him gently.

“I don’t know about that. Gamzee was pretty happy about it, Karkat shut him up but that only works when Karkat’s nearby to know about it.” Sollux mutters.

“Ugh, I do not get why Karkat puts up with him, I really don’t. I know why I have to put up with him but Karkat could just bounce and doesn’t, instead he’s just always making excuses for him.” you say with disgust.

“I’ve tried to point that out but it just leads to us fighting.” Sollux sighs.

“And that just serves Gamzee. He’s better off if Karkat’s isolated from everyone.” you nod.

“I try not to do anything that helps Gamzee so, yeah, I don’t mention it much.” Sollux agrees.

“This took a sharp turn from arguing to shit talking Gamzee, which although I’m in favour of that it sucks to give him this much airtime. You wanna go play games instead? You had a console, I packed it up. We could hook it up and play something.” you suggest.

Sollux seems to consider this for a moment before nodding and floating up onto his feet. The pair of you pick up the console from its box and go into the main room, it’s not hard to set it up and you end up making drinks while Sollux does all of the tech stuff. Somehow you get the feeling that if you were to get in the middle of that he’d snap at you. Roxy was like that with her stuff too, especially with Rose who had a history of ‘borrowing’ Roxy’s things. It’s nice that they get on better now, you guess some people just aren’t meant to live together.

You and Sollux kill a few hours with video games and the aimless shit talking that goes on with competitive matches. You’re not as good at the game as he is but you do get to show him one of your mutual passions that you share with Dirk, specifically ‘look how badly I can glitch this game’. You even pull him into your room to show him the port of the legendarily shitty Mad Snacks Yo on your husktop’s emulator.

“I know that shitty music.” Hal calls out the moment he’s through the front door.

“Kickflip through the- yeah.” you say urgently to Sollux who hastily hits all the right buttons to do what you asked.

Hal sticks his head through the door just as yours and Sollux’s colour swapped characters collide in a mess of limbs and broken bones. The two characters jerk in the air for a moment before glitching through the floor and showing you the whole skybox of the level. The game hangs for a solid ten seconds before spitting you through a wall and force closing the program.

“That is… that’s so breathtakingly bad.” Sollux breathes in awe.

“It is the single greatest thing my species ever did. Shakespear, who? Cold fusion, what? Mad Snacks Yo. That’s the pinnacle of everything.” you intone seriously.

“There’s so much wrong with you and I blame Dirk.” Hal groans.

“You always blame Dirk.” you point out.

“And I am always right to do so.” Hal counters.

“It’s just so bad. I know whoever made this game is long dead by now but I want to delve into necromancy to bring them back and just ask what the fuck, I don’t even know how you can make a game this bad.” Sollux whispers, still staring at the screen.

“Pizza?” you suggest.

“Pizza. Just let me shower first.” Hal nods.

“Oh, so in an hour then.” you tease and so Hal flips you off and leaves.

“What was that about?” Sollux asks.

“Hal and Dirk used to always take forever in the shower, Hal’s better now but I’m contractually obliged to give him shit about it.” you tell him.

“Of course. Show me that monstrosity of a game again.” Sollux insists so with a grin you boot up Mad Snacks Yo again.

Clearly Sollux is a man who appreciates the right kind of trash.

The rest of the night is pretty cool. Between you and Hal you’re able to keep Sollux distracted enough that the prospect of living somewhere without Aradia doesn’t seem to drag him down too much. It’s not like you can distract him forever but if you can make your place seem like a nice new home then hopefully he’ll feel less shitty.

Despite your insistence that you and Sollux are friends you know that he’s more Hal’s friend than yours, so when you have to go to bed early because of work in the morning you don’t feel so bad.

You wake up a few minutes before your 0600 alarm. After getting up you quickly work through your normal stretching routine in the space of the main room and try to centre your mind as you go through it. The main room is still a bit of a mess so you guess Sollux and Hal stayed up for a while, which is nice. You hope Sollux deals with losing Aradia okay, or as best as can be expected at least. You have a super quick shower and dress in the complete white of your work uniform, you check your dress shirt in the mirror since this is a big meeting. The last thing you want to get is called out for not meeting dress standards.

Satisfied that you’re smart enough you swing by your normal breakfast place for coffee, whatever fruit they have going and a muffin the size of your fist. You eat the apple (it must be your lucky day to get one) on the way to your meeting. When you arrive you take your place with your crew in one of the ringed bench seats that circle the presentation area. The place is going to be pretty packed and though you know a decent bit of the background of your next mission you don’t know it all yet and it leaves your insides buzzing with anticipation.

Jake catches your eye when he arrives with a few of his crew and he flashes you a winning smile, you raise your muffin a little as a kind of greeting and try to ignore how Gamzee follows in the wake of his crew. It always puts you in mind of that old Spielberg film, Jaws. As if every time Gamzee approaches you should get ominous cello music.

The meeting is big enough that you’re getting non sailors in here too, you perk up to see Roxy appear but you also count Tavros, Jade and a few other familiar faces. Even the Captain herself is present and her entrance causes a scuffle of people getting to their feet, saluting and then waiting until she sits to sit down themselves. It’s such an awkward song and dance and it always seems to amuse her more than anything.

Eventually the meeting starts and it’s Nepeta leading most of it although her counterpart Polypa who commands the other half of the sailors is stood up in the centre of the presentation area as well.

“Good morning everyone, thank you for coming this morning. We have a lot to cover so let’s try to keep on track, this is a vital mission the importance of which you’ve all been read in on.” Nepeta announces, causing a hush to fall over the room.

She taps at the tablet in her hand and the projector in the centre of the room lights up showing a binary star system. She zooms in slightly more to a planet close to it and then faces the room again.

“This is ‘HD 110082 b’ currently dubbed Somnos by her earlier explorers on the Reaching Liberty. Reaching Liberty decided to gift this planet with this name because she has a lovely habit of putting electrical equipment to sleep. Somnos’ own atmosphere has frequent high energy electrical storms and even worse the star she orbits is ejecting mass at an absurd rate, which makes getting equipment on there to stay working and to maintain contact with ships in orbit even harder.” Nepeta explains.

Well, that’d be why Roxy’s there then. The engineering department is going to need to know what they’re up against.

“Scans and primary investigation from Reaching Liberty revealed two key areas for excavation, base alpha in the north hemisphere here and base omega approximately 413 miles away. Both sites have proven rich in titanium, aluminum, rare earth metals and more. Needless to say a very valuable source for extraction, we need more ships and I need not tell you how much the survival of so many people relies on more ships.” Nepeta says gravely.

It’s a decent system, ships further ahead in the wave of vessels identifies planets worth stripping, ones after them get down to the planets and set up what they can and scout about. If they can mine anything before they have to leave they do, but otherwise they leave it for your wave. Ships at your level take whatever they can from the planets before you have to bail and with that you repair your own ship and build new ones so people can expand again. Every few years you swap places and trade resources but it’s vital work. As for what’s behind you… it’s better that you don’t think about it.

“Somnos is a larger Alternia sized planet, gravity at about 1.5g so nothing too bad there. The temperature is pretty arctic but well within what our winter gear can handle, before we get there we’ll be running cold weather training again just so it’s fresh for everyone. The atmosphere is breathable without any problems so that’s good for us.” Nepeta goes on.

“The planet has oceans and land but it’s all covered in ice either way, both sites are well in land so there’s no water equipment needed. There’s a bit of a fauna problem, a few apex predators.” Polypa says seriously.

“Oh, sure, we can skip to that bit I… there!” Nepeta smiles and flicks at her screen.

The projected area in the centre of the room fills with the images of several large animals with very nasty looking teeth. You sit up a little straighter in your chair and focus on the images, the scale in the corner of the photos suggests that on all fours these things are easily your height if not more. Obviously the ideal interaction with any alien animal is no interaction at all but if these things are interested in you then that could be bad.

“The creatures aren’t outright hostile but the crew of the Reaching Liberty said they seem territorial. The camps they’ve left for us seemed to be in a safe spot so it just seems wise to keep everyone armed and in sensible group numbers. Nepeta and I have assigned the groups as follows. Alpha crew is going to be partnering with Gamma,” Polypa says meaning you and Jake are together, “Beta crew will be protecting Delta. In addition both groups will be accompanied by at least two engineering specialists, a scienterrorist on each team to be determined for the geological work and due to the unusual nature of the storms we’ll be needing communications specialists too.”

“We’ll also be assembling team Epsilon. The Reaching Liberty left us with a space station at elevator orbit with the tether waiting on Somnos to be attached. We will be dropping two ships as we approach Somnos which will meet up with the space station here.” Nepeta explains as the ships projected trajectories tick through the air.

“The A’tuin will then slingshot around in a round trip that will take 42 days. Once both of our crew ships have docked with the station Epsilon will remain behind and act as managers for the station and the incoming freight as well as relaying analogue transmitted communication from the four crews down on Somnos back to the A’tuin. Epsilon will be responsible for processing the extracted material from Somnos and launching it towards the A’tuin’s final approach path so it can be collected on our return. Engineering and telemetry will be ironing out the details for that in your own meetings.” Nepeta explains and you watch as the Epsilon team nods in understanding.

“Our four remaining teams will recharge the ships and descend to Somnos, heading to each base respectively. Once there it’ll be your jobs to assess the situation of the equipment that is left and resume mining operations as soon as physically possible. The team at alpha base will reconnect the tether as those at omega base get set up at their location.” Polypa explains.

“Exactly. Best case scenario the automated mining droids have kept going and we have a huge stack of ore and materials processed and ready to be sent up, worst case everything has died and needs fixing first before we can continue. We’re just not going to know until we get there.” Nepeta says grimly, that’s not a margin of error that you like but there’s nothing that can be done about it.

You sit and listen as the individual assignments are broken down. Jade is going with the other group instead of yours which kind of sucks for you but you’ll probably get more work done if you’re not getting distracted talking to her. Aradia’s with your group, the other group gets Kuprum which means you-

“And Vikare with Alpha and Gamma.” Polypa reads out.

You jerk upright at her words and quickly look around at Aradia who looks just as concerned as you. Gamzee seems surprised and Fozzer doesn’t look especially pleased. If all of you agree this is clearly a bad idea.

“Permission to speak, sir?” Aradia asks before you can.

“We don’t have much time for Q and A right now, Megido. If you have an issue with the assignments you can talk to your sergeant later.” Polypa dismisses her.

Oh you’re DEFINITELY talking to Nepeta.

You sit uneasily through the rest of the briefing as they explain the details of the temporary satellite station just above the planet to try to pass communication between the A’tuin and the planet below. If it’s close to Somnos then it can hopefully have a better shot at finding signals through the troublesome atmosphere and communicating it back. The details of how they plan to do that are going somewhat over your head. All in all it’s a short mission, the A’Tuin’s slingshot you a solid three weeks to get what you can and get out. Hopefully the machines left on the planet have managed to run what they could on autopilot but given how crappy the electrics behave there you’re going to assume the worst and hope to be pleasantly surprised.

Roxy is called up to give a presentation on the equipment that’s going down with you and the basic problems she anticipates with the machines that you’re inheriting from the Reaching Liberty’s bases. After that it’s a reminder about cold weather training and then some physics shit for the space math nerds, not information that concerns you.

When the presentation lets out you, Aradia, Gamzee and Fozzer all hang back.

“We can’t have Vikare, he’s a liability.” Aradia insists.

“It’s nothing personal, the guy is nice and everything and he knows his stuff but-” you start.

“He spends all his time repairing tech on the outside of this ship, we need his specialised skillset. Tech breaking on us is our biggest liability here and it completely hamstrung the Reaching Liberty’s mission, I hear what you’re saying and I understand your concerns. If this were any other mission then I’d put more consideration into an alternate but we don’t have that kind of time and while he’s still an option I can’t put the resources into getting someone else and the mission cannot be scrubbed. Too much is riding on this. I’m not changing anything here.” Nepeta says, not allowing any argument.

You grit your teeth but you nod, you warned her and that’s all you can do. Her job is to make these calls and if it’s a call she’s made then you can’t argue with it.

“If we watch him then it should be fine.” Fozzer says to you, easy for him to say since he gets Kuprum.

“Dismissed.” Nepeta says firmly.

“Sir.” you all say together and leave.

“This is a shitshow.” you grumble as you and Aradia walk away from the meeting area.

“I’ll try to talk to him, see if I can’t set him on a better-” Aradia pauses midway through her sentence.

“Dave!” Jade’s voice reaches your ears and you look around to see what Aradia had clearly spotted before you, Jade is coming over.

“Hey, I was waiting for you. Did Nepeta need you for something?” Jade asks as she comes to a stop by you.

“Not much, we were just discussing teams.” Aradia says before you can.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty big mission. I don’t know how much room there’s going to be for exploratory science in with all this strip mining which kind of sucks but at least I get to see a new planet before it vanishes.” Jade sighs, her disappointment turning to optimism.

That’s something you really love about her, the way she can just look at any shitty situation and find something good in it, and if she can’t she has faith that something better will happen eventually. It’s not a kind of optimism that you grew up with but it’s always been refreshing to be around, maybe one day it’ll wear off on you and you’ll be more like that.

“I think that I asked too many questions and Nepeta’s going to send me to the gym to do push ups as punishment. You’ll have to call the vet, Jade. These puppies are going to be sick.” you say straight faced and flex your arm.

Jade snort laughs and shoves you away by the face.

“Where do you come up with this? I’ll never… oh, wait. Sorry Aradia, I wasn’t meaning to be all… you know, what with Sollux and all. I heard about that, I’m really sorry.” Jade’s happy tone shifts into something sadder and you wince a little, you probably could have saved that very excellent joke for later.

“It’s fine.” Aradia says softly.

“No, really, I can’t imagine how awful it is and if you need to talk about it we’re here for you. Hey, if you want to do a girls night out we can, maybe take your mind off of all of it?” Jade suggests.

“That’s sweet but… this was kind of inevitable. I didn’t realise it but me and Sollux had grown apart. I still love him in the vague way humans use the word but it’s not really romantic pity anymore, it all changed without either of us realising. But now that we know there’s nothing else we can do and crying about it won’t help. I’m just glad that he’s living somewhere good now, I hope it won’t be too hard on him.” Aradia says solemnly.

“Aradia…” Jade says barely above a whisper.

You suppose that Jade is dealing with the same problem the rest of you have been dealing with, that Aradia seems too easily over it but it’s hard to know what to say. You don’t want to demand that she lose her shit just so you can see her being appropriately upset. Still, you’re going out with her soon so maybe then you can get her to talk about how she’s really doing.

“I should get going.” Aradia says and neither of you want to stop her.

“That can’t be healthy, repressing everything like that.” Jade whispers.

“Yeah, we’re uh… trying to work on that.” you grimace.

You and Jade watch Aradia walk off in silence. It’s pretty shitty to be in the middle, Sollux is your friend but Aradia is part of your crew and there’s a bond in that which you can’t dismiss. You want them both to be okay but you’re not the one who’s good at meddling in relationships. You’d ask Rose but you’re not sure that airing other people’s dirty laundry is a great move either.

“I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.” Jade says and drags your attention back from your thoughts.

“About Aradia?” you ask.

“No. Well, sort of? Sollux is living with you now? What gives?” Jade asks.

“He’s in Rose’s room, she’s all shacked up with Kanaya now and it’s still three people in our place so we get to keep it.” you explain.

“Why did Rose move out though?” Jade presses you.

“So she could move in with Kanaya and so Sollux could move in. It was that or Gamzee’s loungeplank, or Karkat’s loungeplank with Gamzee looming over him. And I think Kanaya would prefer that Rose not be living in a room that Sollux was moving into.” you point out, you can picture Kanaya’s displeased face actually and it’s hard not to laugh.

“Why didn’t you move out and I’m not asking why didn’t you move in with Kanaya before you start, why didn’t you offer to move in with me so Sollux could have your room?” Jade asks.

You frown at her, Jade is looking somewhat annoyed although she seems to be trying to not look like she’s annoyed with you.

“I think you maybe have this a little backwards. Sollux crashed with Karkat and Gamzee, he didn’t want to keep doing that for obvious reasons. Karkat went to go find him somewhere to live and Rose suggested this. It meant we could keep our place and she gets to live with Kanaya which I know she’s wanted forever and Sollux has somewhere to live. She asked Hal and Sollux and then me, I was the last step in that process.” you explain.

Jade stares at you in silence for several seconds, takes a breath and then speaks again.

“Why, if moving was on the table, didn’t you ask to move in with me? I know Rose offered first and you’ve said before you didn’t want to move because you’d lose the hive but if Rose is moving-” Jade says slowly.

“We weren’t going to lose the hive because Sollux is moving in. We’re three people, if I left there’d be two.” you tell her.

“But if Rose’s leaving why couldn’t you leave as well?” Jade asks, not letting it go.

You start walking but Jade’s still with you of course.

“If I did that then Hal would lose the hive.” you tell her stiffly, continuing to walk down the hall.

“He could move somewhere else, with Sollux even. They wouldn’t make them move until there was somewhere for them to move to.” Jade reasons.

“I’m not making my brother have to move. I’m not making him pack all his shit up in garbage bags and forcing him to move just because I decided that he could get fucked and be left on his own. I don’t want to move, I hate it, you know I hate it.” you say tersely.

“That’s not what I said! Hey, stop walking!” Jade grabs the sleeve of your uniform and pulls you to a stop.

“It’s not like before where you’d have been leaving Rose and Hal behind, if Rose moves and you do then it’s different. Or why didn’t you insist that Rose stay and you move in with me if you’re so set on them keeping your current place?” she goes on.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jade. It’s not an option and Sollux is moved in now so let’s just drop it, please?” you ask hopefully.

“I just don’t understand why.” Jade presses you.

“Yeah, yeah you don’t. You don’t understand because you’ve only ever lived here when your grandmother is the captain of this whole ship. You’ve never been bounced from place to place at a moment’s notice having to shove all your things in a bag and go. I absolutely HATE moving, I’m not doing it again. The only reason I moved out of Dad’s place is because he couldn’t keep it with so many adult kids who didn’t live with him. Roxy wants a space that’s just hers and doesn’t want to share so that’s fine, Rose wants to be with Kanaya and Dirk is with Jake. It was just me, Rose and Hal and Rose chose to leave which is fine and with Sollux moving in me and Hal don’t get forced to move all over again. We wouldn’t get a choice and I’m done with not having a choice about that and I won’t do it to anyone else. So, yeah, Rose wants to go and Sollux didn’t have a choice about leaving so of course I was going to help. I’m not arguing about it, I hate arguing or talking about this so I’m not going to.” you say in a rush, you hate it and you feel sick just thinking about all this which is why you work very hard not to.

“This… you’re clearly upset.” Jade says carefully.

She’s mad at you, she has to be. You’re being irrational, you know Rose talks about this and how you should do something about it but nothing needs to be done if everything just stays as it is. You’re fine.

“You think?” you snap and instantly regret it.

“Sorry.” you say quickly.

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t want to make you so upset I just don’t understand this. But… clearly this isn’t a good idea to talk about right now. I just wish you could move in, I’ve got the space.” Jade says softly.

“Can we not?” you ask, trying not to sound like you’re begging.

“Right, sorry. I guess I’d better get back to work then, good luck with your million pushups.” Jade says as she backs off and then walks away.

Oh that did not go well. You should probably message her later when your hands aren’t shaking ever so slightly. It’s not like you and Jade fight, that’s about as bad as you get when she presses on something you’re touchy about and you have to get her to back off. It’s fine, you’re fine. You don’t have to move, no one’s making you pack up and go in a hurry, you’re a grown ass adult.

Damnit, a million pushups sounds way better than thinking.

Chapter Text

It’s not any fault of the Striders but you’ve not been sleeping great lately. You don’t even think that it’s the fact that you’re sleeping alone, you often fell asleep without Aradia and when she was off on some planetary adventure you could sleep in your bed like a starfish and it was insanely restful. You suppose the difference is that this time Aradia isn’t coming back. It’s not a small break, it’s forever.

You’ve unpacked a little more in the week you’ve been here but there’s still boxes of your stuff piled up in the corner. In all honesty you don’t know when you’ll get your shit together enough to unpack the last of it. In some stupid way it feels like unpacking the last box will be some big final moment, a sign that everything between you and Aradia is properly over.

Not that you’ve been able to bring yourself to contact her at all since it all ended. You’d like to think that she’s trying to give you your space but it certainly feels like more proof that she just wasn’t that into you anymore and you being out of her life makes no difference.

You roll over in bed yet again, sleepless and upset. When you look at the clock on your bedside you figure that it’s early but not stupidly early to be up. Just earlier than you normally would get out of bed. Seeing little point in staying put you sit up and swing your legs out of bed. Since you don’t have work today you just change into your regular clothes, not that your work actually cares about your clothes but you have to wear something at least somewhat presentable when you’re on duty. These jeans with the rips in both knees that you got from shuffling around under far too many desks with rough mechanical grates that hide cables aren’t good enough for work but they’re good enough for you. You’re not throwing perfectly good clothes in the fabric recycling if you don’t have to.

Stepping out into the main room you’re surprised to see that anyone else is up, you’re even more surprised to see Dave sat shirtless in front of the coffee table.

“Oh, I didn’t-” you start to say but Dave holds a finger up like he’s trying to pause your words for a moment.

Listening closer you can hear him muttering something to himself as his pen slides across the screen of his tablet in hurried writing. You listen curiously and hear him mumbling about counterweights and a series of numbers that don’t mean anything to you. Finally he pauses and squints at his screen before nodding.

“Sorry, woulda lost my train of thought. Jumped the tracks and all the math inside would have died.” Dave says as he turns his attention to you and leans back a little on the floor.

“It’s fine. Was that work?” you ask, your eyes flickering to the now dark screen of his tablet.

“Yeah, just trying to prepare. Something, something, failing to prepare is preparing to use tired metaphors or whatever.” Dave shrugs.

“That’s definitely what they say.” you agree absently, you’re not really thinking about what he’s saying.

You’re sort of staring at him. Not like that but you’ve never seen him shirtless you don’t think, or at least not since you were kids in school getting changed for gym and even then you weren’t eyeing his stupid mammal torso then. No, you have a specific focus here.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo.” you say, pointing to the barkbeast that stretches up his whole right bicep.

“Oh this? I’ve got a few, this one’s kind of old. I drew the design for this one myself.” Dave says lightly and shifts his arm so you can see a little better.

The barkbeast on his arm isn’t anything like Bec who is a big fluffy white monstrosity of canine excitement. No, this one looks like a smaller dog with short fur. It’s rendered in black and white and wearing a little doggy coat or something as it looks off with big dark eyes into the sketchy expanse of space and stars around in. Its head is tilted slightly, one folded ear quirked like it’s listening. It’s really well done and you’re surprised that you’ve never seen it before now. He just said he has others but you can’t see any of those so you’re left just to wonder.

“It’s… really well done.” you say a little awkwardly, not entirely sure what the appropriate way to compliment a tattoo is.

“Thanks. Hey, since you’re up you should troll Hal. He was getting breakfast.” Dave suggests and picks his tablet up again to continue reading whatever work thing he’s doing.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

TA: hey dave 2aiid two troll you
TT: Oh, you're awake. I'm grabbing breakfast from Khazar's, did you want something?
TA: do they 2tiill have that 2peciial wiith the ha2h brown2?
TT: Sure do, do you want that?
TA: yeah and a coffee the 2iize of your head
TA: pay you back later?
TT: Sure, I know where you live. Also where you work.
TA: you're the laziie2t 2talker ever
TT: Or the best.

technologicalTourniquet [TT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

You lower your palmhusk a little to look over at Dave who is… actually not only are you not sure what he’s doing but you also don’t know how he’s doing it. His legs are splayed apart in a wide V on the floor but he’s leaning so far forward that his elbows are resting on the floor and he’s casually reading from his tablet. You’re not sure how the hell he can do that with seemingly no effort, aren’t there muscles that go up the back of his legs that ought to be screaming from that stretch?

“What are you doing?” you ask him incredulously.

“Just reading a report. We’re going to that planet and the team from Reaching Liberty were there first so I’m just catching up on where they’ve put everything so I know what I’m doing when I’m down there. A lot of working out waypoints on very staticky maps and doing math to plot points.” Dave says casually, though you note that he doesn’t show you anything he’s looking at.

“I meant the way you’re sitting but sure, that too.” you say, gesturing to his whole posture.

“Oh, yeah this is no big. I overworked one of my hamstrings the other day so I’m just trying to make sure it’s all good.” Dave says like that in any way explains his seemingly impossible posture.

Either because he’s done or because you called attention to it Dave sits up and tucks his legs back into a relatively normal criss cross fashion, still reading his tablet as he does so.

“I didn’t realise there was so much research involved in your job.” you blurt out and immediately realise just how that sounded.

Dave slowly lowers his tablet and narrows his eyes at you, the red mechanical irises doing nothing to set you at ease here.

“No, man, go on. What do you think my job is, huh?” Dave asks in a flat tone.

“I mean… it’s not like that. You just go places and help people do whatever they need to do, like Aradia’s work with rocks and any fossils or Jade with her plant and animal shit.” you say awkwardly.

“I’d argue that last point but I’ve seen Jade put on a glove and get elbow deep in alien animal shit so I’m not touching that one. Or her until she’d had two showers. Gross. I do like ten jobs easy. I’m not an engineer like Dirk or Roxy, I can’t design machines or anything but given a bit of training on them I can use them and maintain them. I know which bits I can duct tape back together and what bits are interchangeable. I’m not a botanist but I know how to get samples for them and how to store them, I’m not a docterrorist but I’ve done shitloads of first aid and basic medical care and I know how to use our instruments to report things back to our docs up here. I basically have to be sort of okay at everyone’s job and be physically ready for anything.” Dave points out.

“I didn’t think it was as easy as just setting foot on a planet and being like, I’m the first man to be here.” you tell him hastily.

“Psh,” Dave rolls his eyes at that, “being the first somewhere isn’t hard to do. Even if you’re not the first on a planet you have to go barely any distance before you’re the first guy there. There’s, man, what was it that Konnyl said? Uhh, oh! That was it. ‘Glad you came somewhere first now put your back into some actual work’.”

You and Dave both break down into immature sniggering at that so at least he’s not actually mad about what you said.

“I really didn’t mean to sound like an ass, though I know I am an asshole I try to only be one deliberately. Not that it always works out that way.” you assure him after the mutual snickering has passed.

“It’s fine, I’m not precious about it. Not about to demand you salute me for my service or whatever bullshit the sailors pull on human ships. That fuckery gets culty real quick. I’m glad it doesn’t happen much here.” Dave says.

“The ship you came from before was mostly human, right? This one’s only like… what, five percent human?” you ask curiously.

Before Dave can answer Hal walks through the front door with food and, better yet, coffee.

“The ratios were probably flipped before so, yeah about that.” Dave answers.

“What was what?” Hal asks as he hands out food.

You catch Hal up on your question as he hands the food out between the three of you.

“Mmm, I don’t know. I think it might have been less than that then and even then they usually got the shitty jobs, it really sucked. We learnt Alternian in school and stuff on current TV was usually in Alternian but we didn’t get to talk one on one to many trolls until we got here.” Hal tells you.

“But your Alternian is so good, I couldn’t ever tell it wasn’t your first language. The only time I even heard Spanish was at the wedding, I never hear any of you speak it.” you say as you take the lid off of your reusable coffee cup, that was one of the things you left in the shared cupboards here for just this reason.

“You won’t hear it either.” Dave says a little sharply and bites into his food.

“We… had more experience with it growing up. Alternian is kind of the standard academic language and-” Hal starts but he pauses when Dave gets to his feet and grabs his stuff.

“Later.” is all you get from him as he vanishes back into his own block.

“And our biological parents spoke it for academic work. So between school, TV and that we were pretty set for Alternian. We basically only spoke Spanish at home and technically that wasn’t even completely right. Our Mom’s family was from Spain and B- and the other side was from Mexico which are two different kinds of Spanish. Even they had to switch to Alternian occasionally. Our Spanish is kind of a mash up so Alternian is just easier.” Hal explains.

“Did I say something wrong?” you ask uneasily as you look at the place Dave had just been moments before.

“Dave doesn’t talk about them ever. At most you get something in passing or an insult about them but, yeah, he doesn’t talk about it.” Hal explains as he leans back in his seat.

“And I’m not pissing you off by asking?” you check.

Hal grimaces a little and bites into a hashbrown with a crunch, seeming to think your words over as he chews for a bit.

“I don’t like talking about them but denial is stupid. My parents were wildly shitty, Dad is the only real father we’ve ever had. It doesn't matter that he’s our adoptive father and not our ‘real’ Dad. I’m not going to go into all the shit they pulled but I’m not going to vaporise from just mentioning the fact that they existed or that we spent a lot of our lives there.” Hal says finally.

You contemplate that for a moment. Biclopsdad wasn’t the greatest lusus ever and stuff with Mituna sucked and that’s a topic you’d rather not go into either. But things weren’t bad as such, certainly not to the level that it sounds like it was for them. But you can feel empathy there and not step on your hivemate’s toes by bringing up the wrong conversational topic.

“Glad you’re here then.” you say and hold your coffee cup towards him.

Hal’s mouth quirks into a slightly ketchup tinted smile and he carefully knocks his coffee cup into yours.

“It probably didn’t help that I accidentally implied that I thought Dave’s whole deal was space jock who didn’t need two thinksponge cells to rub together. Which I don’t but… it kind of came out that way.” you add and sip your coffee.

“Oh yeah, that’ll do it.” Hal snickers.

“Thanks for the food by the way.” you say around a bite of said food.

“It’s fine, just send me your credit or get the next one. Oh, you wouldn’t believe the asshole in line with me though.” Hal groans.

You’re still chewing but you make a vaguely interested sound.

“This guy was honest to god yelling in this cashier’s face about making the ‘special sauce’ that they have off menu and this girl was like sir I don’t know what you’re going on about there’s no special sauce. Turns out this guy’s moirail just always mixed his ketchup and some ranch together for this godawful abomination that apparently is the secret to this idiot being alive. Like anyone would have known that. And credit to this girl for working it out after getting him to describe it and in the end she just handed him the separate sauces and told him to do it himself if that’s what he wanted.” Hal says.

“Wow. That’s both disgusting in a taste sense and a how you treat people sense.” you say.

“I know, right? He didn’t even do that. He spiked the sauces on the floor like the big touchdown football sports man at the game-” Hal starts.

“Why are you like this?” you groan but Hal ignores you and keeps talking.

“It goes everywhere and then he turns to this girl and yells that he’s NEVER coming back here. And I swear I’m not making this up, she looks him dead in the eyes and asks if that’s a promise. The guy screams and leaves and the cleaning bots start fixing the mess but I swear I nearly died on the spot, it was so funny I couldn’t even laugh, it was like I was going to just burst.” Hal wheezes.

“That’s… wow. I hope his moirail marches his ass right back there to apologise, either that or she caught his name and sets Karkat on him.” you say in awe.

“I know, right? Needless to say I tipped her because that was a hell of a show.” Hal grins, you think you’d have done the same.

You pass the rest of breakfast in your normal casual chatter but finally Hal decides he’s going to go work on a personal coding project and you’re left to yourself. You’re not a guest in this hive anymore, it’s up to you to entertain yourself. You’re not entirely sure you want to be on your own though, good thoughts aren’t really the kind of thoughts that creep up on you when you’re alone and unoccupied lately. It’s a lot of what if type thoughts.

What if you’d noticed things changing between you and Aradia sooner? Could you have done something?

What if you had mentioned the Hal thing to her before the wedding? How long would you have stayed with her before the dying relationship you were both in finally decomposed enough that one of you noticed? Weeks? Months? Years?

You knock on the door of Dave’s respiteblock instead of being alone with your own thoughts.

“It’s open.” Dave’s voice calls out, really muffled from the door.

You press the button by his door and sure enough it slides open. Dave’s room is kind of a mess, you suppose that with how organised he was at packing your things his place would be inspection ready. Instead Dave leans back in his desk chair, one foot just touching the tangled snarl of cables on the floor. His desk itself has all sorts of things for restless hands, interlocking rings, small puzzles, cubes with all sorts of dials and switches on. His walls are also a mishmash of printed out “art” that he’s done and photographs of your friends, his family and alien worlds he’s been to.

“What’s up?” Dave asks, focusing your attention again.

“Nothing. Sorry if I touched a nerve or something earlier.” you say, it won’t do to upset your hivemates especially not this soon into living with them.

“Oh, what? Nah, it’s fine.” Dave says, stretching his arms above his head.

You must tilt your head or something, something gives you away because as you’re looking at Dave’s tattoo he catches you and laughs ever so quietly.

“I would have thought you’d be over my art since you- uh, I mean nevermind.” Dave hastily cuts his words off and looks away.

“Since what?” you ask him suspiciously.

Dave winces and looks up at you, seemingly deciding whether or not to say what he started to say or not.

“I mean it’s not like you’ve never seen my art before.” Dave hedges.

“Your godawful comic? Yeah.” you say, casting your eyes at the printed out ‘artwork’ that is scattered across the walls.

“Philistine, genius is never appreciated in its time. But I meant like… you’ve seen Aradia’s tattoos.” Dave says.

“No shit.” you say tersely.

Yes, you’ve seen Aradia’s tattoo’s. You are familiar with them and now you’re not going to get close to them again, are you? Thanks for the reminder, asshole.

“I did them.” Dave says.

“Hoofbeastshit.” you call immediately.

“The one here? The stars,” Dave starts and taps his collarbone right where Aradia’s tattoo is, “they’re the stars of the aries constellation as seen from Earth. That constellation shares her sign.”

It’s not exactly hard to see Aradia’s tattoo there, that one’s visible with an especially wide neckline and given that Aradia wears all sorts of things it’s not a stretch to think that Dave’s seen it. Hell, they go on planetary adventures together which probably involves a certain amount of getting changed in and out of clothes so that’s not hard to figure either. You weren’t aware the stars were specific stars though, she never told you that or that Dave put it on her.

“You mean you designed it or dug up some star chart for it?” you correct him.

“No, I mean… here.” Dave wheels his chair back a little and reaches up onto one of the few neat shelves that has bags and hard cases of things that look work related.

He picks up one such hard shelled case, unzips it and reveals a machine that with a little squinting you can see is a tattoo gun of some kind. It’s not very big at all but that’s what it looks like.

“I did the alpine barkbeast head here too.” Dave adds, touching the side of his ribs.

You know, the place on Aradia that’s hidden by the band of her bra. As far as you knew only you knew about that one but apparently not.

“You’re not… since when are you a tattoo artist? That’s- you have to train for that and I’ve seen your art it’s shit.” you say and point at the printed out bits of his comic on the walls.

“I knew a guy, he taught me. I don’t do it professionally or anything, just in specific circumstances. It’s not anything funny, it was just tattooing, I wasn’t moving in on your girlfriend or anything.” Dave insists.

“It’s tattooing, you don’t just pick it up from a guy! It’s not some occasional hobby like- like-” you flounder, “like fucking macrame or something. There’s no way you’re a secret tattoo artist who tattooed my matesprit without me knowing and her ever saying it was you.”

“The hell is macrame?” Dave asks, clearly lost.

“It’s not important!” you snap at him.

“Okay, look, I know my art looks shitty but that’s on purpose. It takes a lot of skill to be this godawful and I have my own reasons for learning to do what I do and I don’t need to tell you shit but, hey if you don’t believe me…” Dave trails off, spinning in his chair back towards his desk.

You watch as he opens a drawer, rummages around and then pulls out a white gel pen. He pulls the cap off with his teeth and turns back to you.

“Come on then, I’ll prove it.” Dave says and holds his hand out towards your arm.

“What are…” your words fail you as Dave catches your hand with his and drags your arm closer.

His hands are so warm, warmer than Aradia even. You always forget that about humans. Dave presses his pen to the skin of your forearm and starts hastily scribbling away.

“How did this devolve to you drawing on me?” you ask in utter confusion.

“Well you don’t believe I can draw like that. I’m not going to tattoo you but I can do this.” Dave says to your wrist as his pen flies over your skin.

You want to pull your hand back but suddenly you just don’t have the energy for any of this. You’re not angry that Dave tattooed her, you’re maybe a little pissed that he is clearly an unlicensed tattoo artist and risked Aradia’s health to tattoo her but it evidently turned out fine. It’s the fact that you didn’t know that hurts.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” you ask, not really expecting Dave to have the answer.

“I don’t know. It’s… tattoos are kind of a thing for sailors so maybe she just didn’t… I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Dave says softly and lets you go.

Looking down at your arm is a sketchy but incredibly accurate replica of Aradia’s hidden tattoo. He really did do it for her and she never told you. You think you say something to Dave as you leave but you can’t really remember what it was. You go into your room and half sit and half fall onto the bed, just collapsing like a puppet with its strings cut.

You stare at the drawing on your arm in a kind of numb shock for several moments.

Okay, no, you can’t just sit around like this. You have to do something. SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.

Getting back up again you go to one of your unpacked boxes and snatch up the first things you come to from the nearest one. Only when you have it in your hand you realise your mistake. It’s the fossil Aradia gave you years ago. On one of her first trips to a planet she was investigating rocks, hit this one and it split open revealing the fossil inside. She kept it and gave it to you.

It’s a crab. Aradia always said it was funny that for some reason nature always seems to want to evolve crabs. They were on Earth, Alternia and now some planet whose name you forget but it also doesn’t exist anymore. Only this isn’t a crab fossil, it’s the negative imprint of a crab, the other half of the rock had the long since dead and transformed remains of that crab.

What you have is the space where a crab once was, the place a crab was long since dead for ages.

That’s you right now. You’re in the void of where your relationship with Aradia once was and without you knowing that relationship was long since dead. All you’ve got is the shape where it was and you’re not even sure about that anymore. Aradia never told you Dave did her tattoo, never told you that he was the one who drew the design out and that he knows the meaning. You’re not pissed at that, it’s not like he crossed a line but she just didn’t tell you.

The fossil tumbles from your hand but thanks to hitting your foot on the way down it doesn’t break, you don’t feel the pain of the impact anyway. You fumble for your palmhusk and drop onto your bed.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: what iif 2he never even piitiied me
CG: SOLLUX, NO, YOU CAN'T THINK THAT.
TA: ii have no proof
TA: ii don't know why 2he doe2 or doe2n't do anythiing 2he doe2
CG: FINE, RIDDLE ME THIS THEN. WHY WOULD SHE BE WITH YOU IF NOT BECAUSE SHE PITIED YOU?
CG: EVEN THOUGH THAT DIED AT SOME POINT AND SHE STAYED BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T REALISE, SAME AS YOU, OR BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU IT DOESN'T CHANGE THAT SHE PITIED YOU ONCE.
TA: ii dont know
TA: diid you know dave diid her tattoo2?
CG: WHAT? NO.
CG: YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LICENCE TO DO THOSE, NO WAY IT WAS HIM.
TA: he 2howed me the tattoo gun and he knew about them
TA: he drew the 2ame one on my arm iin pen
TA: he 2eemed 2urprii2ed that ii diidn't know
CG: WHAT
CG: HOW IS DAVE A SECRET TATTOO ARTIST AND NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT?! THAT CAN'T BE LEGAL.
CG: FOR LEGAL REASONS I AM ASSUMING YOU ARE JOKING. MY FRIEND WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO STUPID.
CG: AS A JOKE I'M ASKING GAMZEE ABOUT THIS.
TA: oh great
TA: diid he get your moiiraiil two?
CG: NO, I MEAN GAMZEE DOES HAVE TATTOOS BUT HE SAYS DAVE DIDN'T DO THEM.
CG: ...I WON'T REPEAT THE THING THAT WAS DEFINITELY A JOKE THAT HE JUST TOLD ME. HOLY SHIT.
TA: 2o dave wa2 telliing the truth
TA: kk did ii even know her? there'2 all thii2 and ii diidn't know
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER DIDN'T MEAN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WASN'T MEANINGFUL. IT DOESN'T MEAN IT DIDN'T COUNT.
CG: I KNOW IT MUST HURT, I DO BUT YOU CAN'T THINK IT WASN'T EVER REAL.
TA: iit wa2 real two me
CG: I KNOW IT WAS REAL TO HER AS WELL
TA: wa2 iit? 2he'2 not called or trolled me once
TA: 2he wa2n't affected at all when ii got back
TA: what iif ii wa2 ju2t conveniient, a friiend wiith benefiit2
CG: SOLLUX, NO.
TA: how would ii know iif that wa2 true and would iit even look any diifferent from thii2?
CG: ARADIA'S WEIRD, OK? SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN. THIS IS PROBABLY SOME SHOCK RESPONSE FROM HER, LIKE IT HURT SO MUCH THAT SHE JUST COULD ONLY PRETEND THAT IT DIDN'T HURT.
TA: then 2he wouldn't have reacted liike that, 2he would have 2een that ii hadn't meant iit and got mad or 2ad or 2omethiing
CG: THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS ALL A LIE THOUGH.
CG: SOLLUX I KNOW SHE PITIED YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHEN OR WHY THAT CHANGED BUT SHE DID. I'M SORRY THIS HAPPENED BUT IT'LL BE OK.
CG: JUST DON'T THROW OUT EVERY GOOD MEMORY YOU HAVE FROM ALMOST A DECADE WITH HER.
TA: ii can't know what wa2 real and what wa2n't
CG: I KNOW, I'M SORRY.
TA: ii have two go

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You fall back onto your bed and keel over sideways so your head hits your pillow. Despair and hopelessness wells up inside you so much that you feel like you might drown from it. It chokes up your chest and crushes your breathsacs. What is your life supposed to look like without Aradia in it? She was your gravitational centre, the unwavering point that you tethered yourself to. You can manage to be something close to okay when you’re not thinking too much but as soon as you mentally come anywhere close to the topic of her it’s like you’re dying.

On the bed near your head your palmhusk buzzes a few times until you just turn the thing off, you don’t want to talk to anyone.

How are you going to manage from now without Aradia? But then even as you think that a part of your mind whispers to you that you’ve clearly been managing without her for some time. Aradia has clearly been checked out of your relationship for a long while, hasn’t she? She didn’t care that you were breaking up, she thought it made sense. She’s not tried to talk to you.

What did you do to drive her away from pitying you? There’s so many things it could be, because you’re the worst and she’s so good. Is there some way you could go back in time and fix things? Something you said that you could swallow instead of speaking out? Were you too in her space and too clingy or were you lazy in your relationship with her? Did you not pay enough attention, listen to her about her work enough?

You can’t pick one thing out that you did wrong, you thought things were fine and that you were settled and stable. Doesn’t that mean all of it was wrong? Or is it like that adage, where you put a croakhopper in a pot of water and slowly bring it to a boil and it never notices until it dies? Did you give your matespritship a death by a thousand cuts? Years and years of not being quite good enough for her and with each small error you choked more life out of your quadrant.

You almost wish it was one thing. That Aradia had been furious at you for being Hal’s date and dumped you for that. At least you could have pointed to that mistake and known what you did, at least she would have cared. This feels so much worse.

Your tears don’t come in big wracking sobs, instead you lay with your face smushed into your sopor pillow and tears simply leak out of your eyes. Time becomes somewhat nebulous for a while, at least until you hear a commotion out in the main room. You’re not getting up or anything but you’re listening a little.

The particular cadence of Karkat's irritated and forceful voice reaches your ears and that really does get your attention.

“-care! Let me in!” Karkat snaps.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you out, God. I’m just saying Sollux is in there I think but if you’re looking for Dave he’s out.” Hal tells him.

“The fuck would I want to speak to Dave for?” Karkat demands.

You don’t quite catch what Hal says as you get to your feet but you can certainly place the familiar dry tone he uses when he’s technically not saying anything untrue but is, however, saying it in such a way as to deliberately get a rise out of someone else. You open your door to Karkat’s angry sputtering as he tries to come back with something to say.

Looking at Hal, though, you think that although Hal has never been prone to text emotes in his messages that his face right now could be perfectly conveyed with the energy that you get from >:3

“Whatever you’re going to say to Hal won’t help.” you warn Karkat.

Karkat was clearly getting ready to point his finger in Hal’s face and yell, so instead he just changes finger and slowly flips Hal off as he walks away. Hal watches quietly as Karkat backs up and only laughs when Karkat has to glance behind him to check he’s going to make it through your door and not hit a wall.

“Why are-” is as far as you get because Karkat muscles his way into your block, shoulder checking you on the way.

More accurately his shoulder hits your chest and makes you wheeze slightly because Karkat is physically dense as well as, well… ah, whatever. You move back into your block and shut the door, leaving Hal to his victory over Karkat.

“I brought frozen grubcream, sad movies, movies to do with computer stuff and we’re going to sit here and I’m going to help you feel better because you’ve clearly been bawling your eyes out in here alone and I’m not leaving you alone!” Karkat snaps at you, his whole posture daring you to fight him.

“I haven’t been bawling.” you point out, it’s far too high energy.

“You’ve been crying, the rest is semantics.” he insists.

You’re too tired to argue much so you just sit back down on your bed in surrender. The look on Karkat’s face is pitying and though you know that the boundaries of it are platonic it is only platonic because that’s what he’s called it. It’s gentle and caring, it’s a look that searches for how you are so he can best know how to patch you up again. When you two were younger and back when he struggled with how his attraction worked it was frustrating and almost painful.

Like you’ve always said, you’d never have cheated on Aradia but the passing thought of kissing your best friend flushways still happened to cross your mind now and then. A thought now and then doesn’t count, you’d never have done it. You had Aradia and Karkat can’t share people in quadrants. The one thing Gamzee has going for him is that he’s seemingly not interested in getting any other quadrants so Karkat doesn’t have to share him. Even if Karkat had been single and you’d just seen him as your diamond it wouldn’t have worked, Karkat couldn’t have dealt with you being with Aradia.

You know he wanted to, but he couldn’t. You wanted things with him that you couldn’t have because of Aradia and so both of you were kept apart.

So, yeah, it used to sting a little sometimes when you were younger. When Karkat would care for you in something bordering the lines of just friends and something more. At least right now you’re so simultaneously agonised and numb from how much you hurt that if Karkat’s sweetness does sting it’s not something you can feel now.

“What if I never meant anything to her?” you ask, the preamble of all this is just too much right now.

Karkat’s face pulls into something sad and sincere as he sits down with you.

“That’s not true.” he assures you.

“You don’t know that. You didn’t see the complete lack of reaction that-” you insist but Karkat holds his hand up to stop you.

“She wouldn’t have dated you in the first place if she didn’t like you, Aradia’s never been subtle about this stuff.” he tells you simply.

“And if she agreed and then realised that oh no she only liked me as a friend but didn’t want to hurt my feelings?” you counter.

“Aradia? The girl everyone says is too blunt?” Karkat asks incredulously, he has a point there.

“But not with me.” you argue back because you need to argue something.

“Ok, new tactic. Also eat this, it’s going to melt.” Karkat insists and shoves the tub of frozen grubcream into your hands.

The tub is already starting to get warm condensation on the side so when you pop the tub open and rescue the included spoon from its home you find that the frozen treat is definitely thawing.

“Tell me this then, Sollux. When is the last time that you and Aradia pailed?” Karkat challenges you, nearly making you choke on the dessert.

“The fuck, KK? Why do you-” you choke out.

“No, no, you’re the one insisting that she only saw you as a friend. So tell me, when did you two last pail? I want details, as explicit as you can, enough to make your lusus blush.” Karkat insists with his whole expression daring you to do just that.

All the same the mention of biclopsdad… yeah, no. He wasn’t the brightest lusus around but you’d still rather not talk about that stuff with him anyway.

“I don’t know, it’s not like I kept a diary of that stuff or anything.” you frown and think about it a little since Karkat doesn’t look dissuaded.

“Right before Kanaya’s wriggling day. I was getting into the shower before we had to go and… she followed me.” you’re not going into more detail.

Thinking on it now you can’t place anything off about it. Aradia didn’t seem like she was playing along or anything, she was the one who put the moves on you there. You don’t know what else to say about it, it wasn’t planet shattering but the two of you had been kind of on a time limit. You both got where you needed to be, so to speak.

“Why would she have done any of that if she hadn’t wanted to?” Karkat asks a little more gently, he’s better at reading you than you give him credit for.

“I don’t know. You’re asking me to make sense of a situation where NOTHING makes sense. Everything was fine. No relationship is completely stars in your eyes swept off of your feet every second of every day. Sometimes you have to have awkward shifts that don’t line up or you have conversations that are more about whether you need more trash bags in the hive and ‘did you send that email to the maintenance people about the light?’ or am I wrong, is it all cinematic whirlwind romance with you and Gamzee?” you ask him sharply.

“No, I mean it’s the same. You have moments where things are romantic and close and then there’s lots of time that’s just casual and the occasional moment where you threaten to murder them if they leave their socks on the floor again.” Karkat growls a little at that last part, such a neat freak.

“As much as I hate myself I can’t see any one moment that I fucked up. I know the whole Hal thing was a fuck up on my part but whatever went wrong was clearly before that. I told a lie that no one believed, that me and Aradia had broken up and the only one who bought it was Aradia. She just heard that and went ‘oh that checks out, better get back to reading science documents and watching some documentary’, I fucked up with Hal but that wasn’t THE fuck up that caused this. I didn’t do anything big or anything wrong and neither did she as far as I know.” you insist.

Karkat moves to sit at your side, his shoulder against your arm radiating warmth through you. He takes the frozen grubcream from your hands and you wipe the cold condensation on your palms off onto your knees.

“If I can’t say where it went wrong how can I know what I did? How can I know it wasn’t all wrong? That she wasn’t just sparing my feelings? That I wasn’t just convenient?” you ask.

Karkat eats a spoonful of the frozen grubcream in silence, you can’t even remember the flavour because you were paying so little attention.

“For one thing Aradia’s not that self sacrificing.” Karkat says.

“Hey, leave her alone.” you protest, you’re broken up but you’re not willing to hear people talk shit about Aradia.

“No, I’m serious. You think she’d sacrifice a decade of her life pretending to pity you if it was all for the sake of sparing your feelings? Not only is she not that self sacrificing she’s also not that stupid.” Karkat insists.

“Then when? At what point did this whole thing we had just die? How long was I standing around knee deep in the rotting corpse of my matespritship without knowing?!” you demand.

Karkat takes another bite and frowns. When he takes the spoon back out of his mouth he fiddles with it in his hand for a moment, idly wiggling it back and forth like he would with pens when you were in school.

“I think… I think we call relationships one thing but it’s actually a lot of things.” Karkat says slowly.

“Like what?” you ask.

“Well, okay, there’s the obvious do you pity someone question. But you can pity someone in a lot of ways. Red, pale, platonically. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s what, you know? Even when you’re in a quadrant with someone you’re other things too, you’re friends, you’re hivemates, you watch out for each other’s health. You can look at someone and want to pail them as well as all of that other stuff.” Karkat explains.

“So you’re saying… what? That she stopped romantically pitying me but we were still good hivemates and the bulge was good so we just didn’t notice? Seriously?” you ask incredulously.

“No, I’m saying- ugh. Look, you’re not the same person you were when you were thirteen. I’m not the same person I was when I was thirteen, thank god. We’re both different but we’re still friends, we changed and our friendship changed with us as we matured.” Karkat says.

“I matured, you got older.” you say because talking shit to Karkat is normal and right now you need normal.

Karkat gives you a flat and unimpressed look, refuses to verbally dignify what you said with an answer and continues.

“What I’m saying is that what happened with you and Aradia most likely is you just grew apart. It happens. But because you both like each other so much and you work well as friends and hivemates and you’re clearly still physically into each other that you didn’t notice. Aradia hears the whole stupid wedding lie and she realises it’s true and it makes sense. I don’t think she’d maliciously lie to you about pitying you when she didn’t and I’m sure she does still pity you at least platonically. You didn’t make a mistake it’s just… time.” Karkat says softly.

“If she pities me so much why hasn’t she tried to talk to me at all?” you challenge Karkat and steal the dessert back.

“She’s probably trying to give you your space.” Karkat suggests.

“And what about all this stuff with Dave doing her tattoos that I didn’t know about. If I didn’t know that then what else didn’t I know?” you ask.

“I’m going to overlook the many rules that I’m sure Dave is breaking there on account of I’m off duty and don’t need more work. That’s absurd though, you can’t demand to be part of everything your quadrantmate is or does. I don’t know all of Gamzee’s friends, I don’t know everything about his work, there’s lots of parts of his life that I’m not part of and it’s the same with me.” Karkat explains.

You take another bite of the grubcream right off of Karkat’s spoon just so that you won’t point out that Karkat’s relationship with Gamzee is fucked up. The stupid ‘pick me’ part of your thinksponge wants to say that Karkat knows basically everything about you, if you were with him instead then that wouldn’t be something he’d have to say about his relationship. But that’s stupid and petty. You’re hurting so bad from losing Aradia, the last thing you want to do is put Karkat through the same kind of pain. Even if he’s not been with Gamzee as long as you had been with Aradia he is invested in him, he does pity him. You don’t want Karkat to feel hurt and raw from losing a quadrant like you feel right now. You’d rather things stay as they are and Karkat stays relatively content, hurting him for your potential benefit is a shitty thing to do.

Doesn’t mean you’re not still tempted.

“I just wish it hadn’t happened.” you say quietly.

“I know.” Karkat murmurs.

He reaches up and pulls you down into a hug, squishing your face to the softness of his shoulder and neck. His claws carve little paths through your hair and his soft fingers rub at the inside curve of your horns. He shifts slightly and you hear the sound of him setting the frozen grubcream off to the side. With that hand free you feel the weird temperature change as the hand that had been holding the frozen dessert moves to the back of your neck.

“I’m sorry that this happened, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve this. I know it sucks right now but I’m here and you’ll get through it. It’ll suck for a while but you’ll make it and in the meantime you’ve got me, you’ve got your friends. You’ve got two Striders to live with and that’ll give you something to be annoyed at I’m sure.” Karkat says gently.

You don’t have anything to say so you just wrap your arms around Karkat’s middle and hold him tightly to you. You think you might be in a place where it hurts too much to cry right now. There’s nothing Karkat can say to make it better. If Aradia had cheated on you and ripped out your heart he could rant about how dare she do that and break your heart, it was all her fault. Or if you’d fucked up then you could talk about that but this? There’s no blame to be had, no fingers you can point and no lessons to learn from the idea that you and Aradia just grew apart and it sucks.

You lost something that you might not have truly had for a while, you can’t pretend that you didn’t lose it and go back. You can’t undo any of this. It just hurts and it sucks.

“We could watch a movie, distract yourself a little?” Karkat suggests, his voice making its way to you both out loud in your right ear and in the bassy rumble conducted through his chest to the ear on the side of your face pressed up against him.

You shake your head against his chest, you don’t want to watch something and try to lose yourself in the lives of fictional people, you’re pretty sure you’ll just end up comparing their situation to yours no matter the genre.

“What about… what about the arcade?” Karkat suggests and that gets your attention.

There are, technically, other arcades of various kinds on the ship. There are ones that are set up to be escape type puzzles, all sorts of VR games, ones hosting e-sports or card game tournaments. Those are all fine and several of them you like but they’re not the arcade. In your mind THE ARCADE of the ship is your single favourite place to be. It has game systems both new and recreations of retro ones from Alternia and Earth, it has physical games like air hockey and various ball throwing games, dance games, fighting games, claw machines and everything. It’s claimed an embarrassing amount of your time and money over the years and you have no regrets on that. The number of wriggling days you’ve held there is embarrassing, not to mention all sorts of celebrations. Most of your friends are nerds of some variety so it’s not like the trips aren’t widely enjoyed. Going there might actually soothe your troubled mind for a bit.

It’s worth a shot at least.

“That could actually be good.” you say and pull away from him to sit up properly.

“Try not to sound too surprised, sometimes I do think of good ideas. Here, we’re taking this with us because I know Dave doesn’t have a freezer and I didn’t bring this for Hal.” Karkat says, waving the frozen grubcream in your face.

“Hal didn’t do anything to deserve that.” you protest.

“Exactly why he’s not getting it, so come on, get up.” Karkat insists as he hops up onto his feet.

“That’s not what I- oh, never mind.” you sigh, too exhausted to actually argue with Karkat.

You grab your hoodie and slide your ship ID lanyard around your neck, Karkat has his on his belt like a little dweeb. When you step out of your respiteblock Hal is nowhere to be seen but even so you feel obligated to shout to the hive at large that you’re going out as you put your shoes on by the front door. You don’t get a response so you just go.

Hal’s place, or you suppose now it’s your place, is actually closer to THE ARCADE than your hive with Aradia was. That’s a pretty weak plus for ending an almost ten year relationship. No one pities you anymore and your bloodpusher feels like it’s been ripped out but you are a few minutes closer to your favourite arcade. Yeah, not a great deal.

“Did I tell you I had to have this big sit down meeting with Kankri the other day?” Karkat asks as you get on the train with him.

“I can still hear well so I guess you didn’t.” you say as you sneak a bite of the melting semi-frozen grubcream.

“He’s been protecting people because they’re politically valuable and he’s trying to teach me about tact and how friends in high places will help make real change. Like, motherfucker, one of us was at the Captain’s grandson’s wedding and it wasn’t you bitch. You can’t just protect people from consequences because you have a stake in the matter!” Karkat rants.

Instead of saying anything you just eat a little more.

“What?” Karkat demands, squinting at you all suspiciously.

“You don’t get to bitch at me for years for never having any tact and immediately getting on your case to only be mad when I don’t do that.” you warn him.

“So I’m a hypocrite. Tell me what you’re thinking because you’re thinking SOMETHING and I don’t like the implication that you’re comparing me to Kankri and finding things to compare!” Karkat snaps.

You roll your eyes and stab the spoon right back in the tub of thawing grubcream.

“I didn’t say that, you’re projecting. You’d never abuse your position of power for your own career gain, financial gain or shit like that. You’re all about fairness and helping people, it’s gross.” you assure him.

“...But?” Karkat prompts you suspiciously.

“Gamzee’s suspiciously spotless record. Or I assume spotless. He’s got a reputation and yet nothing ever goes anywhere. I don’t think you’d protect or help people for your own selfish gain but you said you’d pull favours to find me somewhere to live and Gamzee probably wouldn’t still be here if you hadn’t done something at some point.” you point out.

“That’s not- it’s not the same. Helping out someone in another department so you have a relationship with them and they’re more likely to help you is one thing, corruption is totally different. Besides, Gamzee’s never done anything all that bad. He’s a highblood, they have issues and people understand. The chucklevoodoo’s aren’t his fault either, him giving people the creeps sometimes isn’t a reasonable thing to report people for and people know that. I’ve never demanded someone make something go away for him.” Karkat insists.

Yeah, like a coworker has never overlooked something Karkat’s moirail has done in the spirit of keeping Karkat on their good side. Like people haven’t ever been dissuaded from complaining about Gamzee because they know his moirail works in HR. Like Karkat wouldn’t offer to have a stern talking to with Gamzee instead of real action.

“I’m not saying you’re corrupt or like Kankri who only cares about being performative and advancing his own career.” you say and leave it at that.

Karkat looks pretty sour like he wants to argue with you but you suppose he figures that you’re upset enough already and lets it go for now. Getting deeply involved in debates revolving around Gamzee just don’t go well. Karkat instead eats a little more frozen grubcream and tries his best to not look like he’s pouting, it’s mildly successful.

You leave the topic behind you and at the next stop you get off and head towards the arcade. Sorry, THE ARCADE. Even from a distance you can hear and smell it. The haven of gaming is set on a corner of one of the entertainment districts, each residential block has its own set up with places to eat, things to do, all the sort of stuff to try to distract you all from the idea that you’re fleeing certain death on finite resources to who knows what in the distance. More specifically though this entertainment avenue has several floors of open air although stairs and walkways interconnect the two sides. After about six floors or so there’s a ceiling and then other stuff above it, but at least here there’s a glittering ceiling of glass that due to some contamination couldn’t be recycled and metal fragments that give a bright look to the roof above the enclosed area. Your very favourite arcade is on the corner of one of the lower floors but it goes up through three with a little food area in the middle, as you draw closer the smell of sugary treats and spilled sodas meets your nose as the cheery chimes of games greets your ears.

You feel a little better just getting close to it.

Heading inside you take a left on impulse with Karkat following you as you eye each game in turn. There’s always a decent number of people playing in here but it’s not packed right now, pretty much perfect for you. You lead Karkat to some rail shooter game where each level is a new planet. Karkat’s aim is worse than yours but he makes up for it with angry cursing and insisting that he WILL kill the things you have to shoot and that he CAN do it. When the two of you eventually die you tap your ID to the console to rack up your points. You’ve got a membership with this place and though as a psionic with physical psionics you can’t get points from the games where you have to throw stuff, hit things or make things fall you can still get points for prizes on all of the other games.

Karkat doesn’t bother to get his points but he does still ask you where you want to go next. Even though you can’t get prize points from the physical games you do kind of want to see Karkat fail at the games up there.

“Upstairs?” you suggest.

“Lead on.” Karkat sighs.

The pair of you hop into the little elevator and get out at the next floor.

“Have you heard anything from Feferi lately?” Karkat asks you curiously.

“Nah, I guess she’s too busy trying to be whatever the replacement for Empress is now. You?” you ask.

“Nothing. I hear from Eridan sometimes but it’s really only gossip and complaining about people there. Not that it’s not useful information to know I guess but…” Karkat shrugs.

Yeah it’s not either of you hearing from people you’d once considered really close friends. But it happens, right? People grow apart.

Karkat whips a ball down the gated off game area and still manages to bounce it back so hard that it would have hit you both had you not psionically caught it.

“Shit, KK, you’re going to get us kicked out.” you snort.

“Yeah, well it’s not…” Karkat pauses and looks off with a frown.

“What?” you ask.

“I swear I just heard Gamzee.” Karkat says slowly.

You grimace at the idea but you can’t see why he’d be here. But then you catch it, a faint strain of another voice you know.

“-not trying to piss you off or anything.”

“Dave?” Karkat whispers to you and you nod, that was definitely him.

Karkat looks around and so do you, there’s no sign of him but the food area is around to your left. You point and Karkat grabs your arm, stealthily heading that way.

”It ain’t like that.” that’s Gamzee’s voice, you hear it now.

You and Karkat peek around a machine to see Dave and Gamzee both facing a machine as another sailor, Fozzer, casually jabs at buttons on it. Mostly you notice that Aradia is there with them, drinking a soda and picking at nacho chips like everything is fine. Even seeing her is like a shot to the pumpbiscuit.

“What is Gamzee-” Karkat starts to say but you shove your hand over his mouth and both duck out of sight so you can listen but not be seen.

“I’m perfectly fine. You’re worried about nothing.” Aradia insists, her voice all soft and soothing like she’d use with you sometimes when your mind was acting up on you.

“I don’t see what the problem is, if Aradia says that she’s fine and nothing is amiss who are we to doubt her? She knows her own experience better than we do, there shouldn’t be a need to sow discord here.” the sailor you know least well, Fozzer, says calmly.

“Discord is already here, denying shit isn’t cool.” Dave retorts.

“Look, I appreciate the concern, I do. Both professionally and personally I get why you’d be worried but really, I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Aradia assures them.

Nothing? You’re nothing to her?

Karkat grips your shirt tightly and gives you a look, imploring you to not think that about yourself. He knows you too well.

“You two were together for a decade, that’s not nothing. You can’t be with someone for that long and have it be nothing.” Dave insists.

“Even if Sollux wasn’t much of anything.” Gamzee adds in with a mean little laugh that makes you want to snap him in half, even Karkat scowls at his words.

“Hey, fuck off. I don’t care about your beef with him but just because you two don’t like each other doesn’t mean everyone else feels that way. He was ‘radia’s matesprit for ten years, he’s been Karkat’s bestie since they were… what? Practically grubs, right? Right. If Sollux died tomorrow Karkat’d be a wreck, no matter how much you like him. Because, shocker, not everyone likes people the same as you!” Dave argues with a strength to his words that you hadn’t expected, it’s not like you’re friends.

“It’s not about that. Sollux didn’t cheat on me so I don’t feel badly there, it’s- it just happened that this whole silly situation showed that things had been over for a while. There’s no point being upset about it, it makes sense.” Aradia insists, interrupting the argument between Dave and Gamzee.

“I think that makes sense. Aradia can hold perfectly good feelings and memories about her matespritship but in the end what’s over is over and being too tangled up in the past only leads to pain. It’s better to focus on the future.” Fozzer says.

“Don’t lecture me on the past.” Dave snaps.

“Ignoring what was will make you sick, don’t talk about what you don’t know about Fozzer. He and I know what we mean with the past and our little bone sis here is the one running from hers. As much as I don’t see how anyone could get with him you can’t pretend you weren’t.” Gamzee says sternly.

“Gamzee’s right, being accepting is one thing and this isn’t that.” Dave agrees.

“I am fine and there is no point thinking about it.” Aradia tells them once again.

“Look, when I told you that you don’t have to worry about Sollux because he’s with us-” Dave starts.

“I didn’t ASK you to do that.” Aradia interrupts him sharply.

“And I didn’t do it for you. He’s my friend too and he and Hal are real close, besides it helped Rose. I had hoped that it’d help you not feel so bad about him leaving if you knew he was somewhere with friends but I didn’t think you’d just be all ‘la la la I’m fine nothing is wrong’ when shit clearly is wrong.” Dave retorts.

“You think she isn’t living in the now so much as running from what was.” Fozzer says slowly.

“I’m fine, nothing is wrong and it doesn’t matter.” Aradia growls.

You peek around the arcade machine to look at the group again. Aradia’s all but snarling in Dave’s face but he’s not backing down. To your surprise Gamzee seems to be supporting Dave in this, his body physically acting as a looming reminder of backup.

“Then why’d you pick here?” Dave asks so quietly that his voice is nearly lost to the beeping machines nearby.

“This is ridiculous, I’m leaving. I’m perfectly fine and my breakup is none of your business.” Aradia says and marches off.

“I think… I think I should probably…” Fozzer says slowly, pointing in the direction Aradia left in.

“Thanks, Foz’.” Gamzee nods and the redblood hurries off after Aradia.

With Aradia gone Dave and Gamzee shift apart.

“We’re going to be royally fucked if this doesn’t work out.” Dave says finally, you slip back behind the machine in case Dave or Gamzee look over and see the two of you listening in because you know that’d go badly.

“Nothing we can do about it, what’ll be will be.” Gamzee says lazily.

“To hell with that, I’m not having her problems blow up in my face. I don’t get how she can be fine with this, she has to be lying to herself doesn’t she?” Dave asks.

“The way I see it is that he wasn’t bad enough to get rid of until all this lying happened, it’s been over for ages so she got over it ages ago.” Gamzee says, cutting you right to the core even though he has no idea that you’re there.

“No, it wasn’t like that.” Karkat whispers urgently to you, his hand tapping urgently on your chest as if to physically draw you away from his moirail’s words.

“Hoofbeastshit. Ugh, I feel gross about this. At least Foz has her for now. This whole mess is just…” Dave breaks off with a sigh.

“Bad vibes.” Gamzee says solemnly.

“Very bad vibes, the baddest, rankest vibes.” Dave snorts.

“Might need to flip our whole agreement around if she’s going to be a problem.” Gamzee says slowly.

“Since when are you all future focused? Hopefully she’ll figure this out and we’ll all be good but, ugh. I’m going to Tortuga.” Dave says unhappily.

“Mind if I have these then?” Gamzee asks after a slight pause.

“Yeah dude, whatever. Go nuts on those nachos, I’m out.” Dave says and you have to move a little out of the way with Karkat so you’re not in Dave’s line of sight when he leaves.

You watch him go, tapping away at his palmhusk as he goes only for him to linger in the doorway. You pull back, afraid that he might look around but he doesn’t, he just stands there. A moment later your palmhusk pings in your pocket and you scramble to get it out before it makes more noise.

turntechGodhead [TG] added twinArmageddons [TA] to STRIDER HIVE GROUPCHAT

turntechGodhead [TG] kicked tentacleTherapist [TT] from STRIDER HIVE GROUPCHAT

turntechGodhead [TG] renamed STRIDER HIVE GROUPCHAT to STRILUX HIVE GROUPCHAT

TG: hey guys a work thing came up so im gonna be out for dinner so like have something i hate to eat or whatever
TT: You only hate entirely sensible things that I also hate, so no. Also I'm stunned you had the balls to kick Rose from the chat.
TT: I'm sure she'll have them from you later.
TG: oh no my ass literally fell off from laughing now how will i do my job with no ass

Even from across the room you can see that Dave isn’t laughing or even smiling as he types. Another message from Hal pings in but you don’t look at it because Dave has just walked off.

“Sollux…” Karkat says quietly, sympathetically, platonically pityingly.

“We should follow him.” you say instead.

“What? Dave? Why?” Karkat asks but you’re already hurrying off after Dave, trying to also keep out of Gamzee’s line of sight. That’s not too hard to do seeing as Gamzee is in fact going nuts for nachos as Dave suggested.

“Sollux!” Karkat hisses, hurrying to catch you.

You skid to a stop outside and see Dave heading down a ramp to the floor below and you start to go after him only for Karkat to catch your shirt.

“Stop walking, stupid! If Dave finds you following him he’ll be pissed and you have to live with the guy. Did you forget how many times people tried sneaking up on him and Terezi at school because they couldn’t see and it never worked on either of them? We’re lucky that just eavesdropping didn’t make him zone in on us with that sixth sense or whatever he has.” Karkat snaps as he glares up at you.

“He’s meeting up with my ex and your moirail and then lying about where he is and you’re not even a LITTLE curious about that?” you demand.

“Of course I am, but following him is going to get us caught. But he said where he was going didn’t he? I just have to look it up. Tor-something. Tortuga. Let’s see.” Karkat murmurs as he taps away at his own palmhusk.

You relax a little, more than happy to work smarter and not harder. Karkat frowns as he reads and only looks up when you poke him in the shoulder.

“Sorry, it’s… it says it’s a private members club but their page has no information on who goes or how you get membership. There’s no website or anything, I only have the address and the manager’s name. It’s somewhere down in the engineering deck which is a really weird place for a bar or club of any kind.” Karkat says with a frown.

“Since Gamzee didn’t ask what he meant he’d know, right? So maybe it’s a sailor thing.” you suggest.

“Maybe, but I didn’t have any idea that Gamzee hung out with Dave or Aradia outside of work. I don’t think he’s even mentioned that other guy to me ever.” Karkat frowns.

Oh no, Gamzee is secretive and suspicious? Who could have ever seen that coming?

“I want to know what all that was about back there. I have to know, we have to go to that place and find out what it was about.” you insist.

“Do you think you might be deflecting a little? Aradia’s comments were pretty hurtful and dismissive back there. Not that she knew you were listening but still, it hurts. Do you think you might be obsessing over where Dave has gone and why he’s hanging out with Gamzee to distract from how you feel about the fact that Aradia described you breaking up with her as nothing?” Karkat asks.

He could have just fucking stabbed you in the chest, it would have hurt less.

“I’m not…” you can’t even begin to justify yourself, it just hurts.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to yours.” Karkat suggests gently and you go with when he nudges you back the way you two originally came from.

As much as you’d rather focus on the new and intriguing mystery of why are Dave and Gamzee doing anything together with Aradia you can’t quite get past how honest Aradia sounded when she was telling them that she was fine. That there was nothing to be less than fine about, your breakup was nothing, that she feels nothing.

So that’s what you were to her, nothing.

Even as you want to redirect your anger and your pain you can’t help but notice that although Dave lied about where he was he did argue in your defence back there and it was confirmation that he’s not giving you a place to live as some favour to Aradia. That’s not a worry that had occurred to you but it would have made some kind of sense, that he’d make sure his friend’s mentally unstable ex was supervised.

“Shit!” Karkat blurts out suddenly, making a few passers by look around at him.

“What?” you ask.

“I just realised we left the frozen grubcream at the arcade!” Karkat groans.

“It was melted anyway. It’s fine.” you say with a shrug.

“I got it for you, not random teens in the arcade.” Karkat grumbles, folding his arms like the petulant little kid that he hasn’t been for forever.

“I think random teens who eat whatever they find in the arcade get the food poisoning that’s coming to them eventually, don’t worry.” you sigh.

“Well now I’m worried about that.” Karkat says with a guilty expression on his face, like he’s responsible for other people’s poor decision making.

“It’s fine. You don’t need to come all the way up, you know.” you tell him as you approach the corridor that branches off to your new hive block.

“Right, sure. I guess I could just go back to my hive. Look… I… just promise me you’ll troll me if you’re feeling shitty. I know this is rough but I’m here for you, you know that don’t you?” Karkat asks earnestly looking up at you with wide, red, imploring eyes.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, it’s so hard to deal with him when he’s sincere and genuine about things.

“Yes, KK, I know. This whole thing is shit, I don’t know what to tell you.” you say with a deep sigh, the two of you have stepped off to the side but you’re aware that you’re still broadcasting your business to everyone in your hiveblock who happens to walk past.

“It is shit and it’s okay to not feel okay.” Karkat says gently and reaches up to set a hand on your shoulder and give it an encouraging squeeze.

You’re vaguely aware that if Gamzee was privy to this basically borderline pale display he’d rip your arms off and use them like maracas.

“Thanks, any other fortune cookie advice for me?” you ask because you’re a prick.

“Go fuck yourself!” Karkat snaps.

“Well, I’ve not got any other options now, do I?” you retort without thinking.

You realise that it’s depressingly true at the same moment that Karkat does and you really can’t deal with that level of sympathy from him right now.

“Okay, bye going now!” you announce and scurry into your hive block as quickly as you can.

The ride up to your floor is pretty sullen. Sure you got off a great retort but at what cost? You sigh deeply and drag your carcass back to your hive, after slapping your key card on the door it opens easily enough. Thoughts of what you witnessed in the arcade are already bubbling up in your mind.

To your right you hear a shuffle and Hal slides out of his block on his desk chair and leans back in it when he sees you, half in and half out of his respite block as he does so.

“Hey, you’re back.” he observes correctly.

“Yeah.” you agree, somewhat listlessly.

“So, you’re in the group chat now but I can’t help but notice you not giving Dave shit. I, for one, am deeply disappointed.” he tells you.

“There’ll be other times.” you say with a shrug and consider retreating to your block, but something keeps you where you are.

Looking over at Hal you start to think, he’s your friend and he’s definitely in a position where he owes you so…

“Has… does Dave ever hang out with Gamzee?” you ask Hal curiously.

“Gamzee? I mean they work together so sort of I guess? But not like socially unless it’s a big party where Karkat’s invited and his creepy clown shadow comes with. Why?” Hal asks.

“Does he ever talk about him?” you press.

“Not… not really? Dave talks a lot but it’s usually just superficial stuff, so he mentions work but usually only anecdotes or something funny that happened. He doesn’t talk about his coworkers all that much. I mean he’s made the same kind of comments about him and Karkat that Rose has, that it’s a weirdass relationship and they don’t get why Karkat’s with him but other than that no.” Hal says.

“He doesn’t hang out with him socially? Without Karkat being there, I mean.” you continue.

Hal frowns and sits up properly in his chair.

“Not as far as I know. Why are you asking me all this?” Hal asks you seriously.

You glance around the room out of some vague paranoia that Dave might have somehow appeared from the shadows just to overhear this conversation.

“This stays between us, okay?” you say seriously.

“As long as whatever you tell me doesn’t make me fear for your safety or that of anyone I care about, yeah.” Hal agrees, always specific.

“I was just at the arcade with Karkat, he wanted to take my mind off of how shitty my life is right now. Only we saw Dave, Gamzee, Aradia and… fuck I’ve forgotten his name again, Fozzer. They were all there together, talking. Talking about mine and Aradia’s breakup and Gamzee and Dave were on the same side, it was weird. I know Aradia and Dave were friends but she’s never liked Gamzee and I’ve never heard her mention Fozzer beyond just knowing he’s someone she works with. But they were all there together, talking about us.” you explain.

“That’s… weird. But, well, Dave said he was doing a work thing. Maybe having some kind of intervention about how she’s handling the breakup. Kind of an odd crowd to do that with, I’ve never even heard of whoever that guy is.” Hal says with a slight frown.

“Yeah, except the whole situation blew up and AA left and I saw Dave invite me to the group chat and then claim he had a work thing after all of that went down.” you point out.

“So maybe he had a work thing after.” Hal says.

“I really don’t think he did.” you insist.

“No, look, you clearly don’t know Dave all that well. For all he insists that he has this great poker face he’s the universe’s worst liar ever. If he had a work thing he had a work thing, why would he lie about something so boring? I don’t care where he goes, he’s not got a curfew here or anything. Seriously, there are children's books harder to read than Dave. Whatever that was it’s not going to be something weird and sinister, he was probably just looking out for Aradia and if Gamzee was agreeing then maybe he was being sensible for a change.” Hal assures you with full confidence.

Something about this still doesn’t sit right with you, not at all. You just don’t know what exactly is going on.

Shit, maybe Karkat is right that you’re just distracting yourself from your feelings about what Aradia said but there’s no denying that something seriously weird is going on here.

Chapter Text

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: HEY ARADIA, I KNOW WE HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED MUCH SINCE YOU AND SOLLUX BROKE UP BUT I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WERE DOING OKAY.
AA: oh! karkat thats really sweet of you
AA: you dont need to worry about talking to me though its not like weve stopped being friends just because me and sollux broke up right?
CG: RIGHT. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU AS A FRIEND EITHER.
AA: good well were both agreed on that not happening then
AA: and im fine thank you for asking
CG: I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT. BUT I WAS ACTUALLY GENUINELY ASKING HOW YOU ARE. I MEAN TEN YEARS OF MATESPRITSHIP GONE JUST LIKE THAT IS A LOT TO DEAL WITH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE FINE IF YOU'RE NOT.
AA: almost ten years
CG: OKAY, A COUPLE OF MONTHS SHORT BUT STILL.
AA: no i get your point
AA: its a big change i suppose since ive always lived with someone either my lusus or sollux and suddenly living alone is odd
AA: although that said its not too different to the times when the two of us would be stuck on entirely opposite shifts
CG: THAT'S GOT TO BE REALLY HARD TO DEAL WITH, I'M SORRY.
AA: its fine really
AA: i mean it is what it is you know?
CG: WELL, YES, BUT COME ON. IT'S NOT JUST SOME UNUSUAL SITUATION THAT YOU'VE FOUND YOURSELF IN, IT'S A BREAKUP.
AA: i know that karkat! its just that theres no point wallowing in sad feelings and these things pass with time
AA: it doesnt change any of the good memories i have with sollux and being upset at the relationship being over wont change anything at all and i don't want it to! we broke up for a reason because we discovered that our relationship was dead for a long time and i wouldnt want to inflict that on either of us
CG: I'M NOT SAYING YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP. FROM WHAT YOU'VE BOTH SAID IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS CAME TO A PRETTY FINAL POINT, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO GET BACK TOGETHER.
AA: well then there you go its final so theres nothing else to say on the matter
CG: ARADIA, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT YOU SEEM... WEIRDLY UNBOTHERED BY THIS.
AA: its not that i dont care its just that in the grand scheme of things its not that big of a deal! the universe is being consumed every day and focusing on what was is pointless
AA: me and sollux are over and the only productive thing i can do is look to the future and theres so much there! it doesnt change that we had good times or that i wish him well but i wont live in the past
CG: WELL, YEAH, LIVING IN THE PAST AND AGONIZING ABOUT IT OBSESSIVELY IS DEFINITELY BAD FOR YOU BUT THERE'S SURE AS SHIT SOME MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN MOPING OVER WHAT WAS AND DESTROYING YOUR LIFE IN SADNESS AND WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.
AA: to be entirely honest karkat i didnt actually ask you! :)

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Kanaya looks up from your palmhusk that you’d slid across the table to her.

“Oh, that is… not good.” Kanaya says grimly.

“Thank you! She’s clearly far more upset about this than she’s letting on and we need to do something about this!” you insist.

“She clearly isn’t interested in accepting help from you on this matter, no doubt because of how close you are to Sollux. Aradia and I have also never been fantastically close and I can only assume that if I was to try to approach her she would assume that you have done exactly what you’re doing now.” Kanaya continues.

She leans back in her chair slightly, drumming her claws on the table.

“It wouldn’t work anyway.” Rose comments from the little kitchenette area where she’s dispensing boiling water into your mugs so you can each have tea.

“We can’t just sit back and do nothing.” you argue.

“We could, actually. That is always an option.” Kanaya says because she’s contrary like that.

“No, what I meant is that you’re right. She would interpret Kanaya as another attempt by you to change her mind and honestly neither of you stand a chance. She’s in denial about how she feels, very clearly so. Your best bet is to try to encourage someone else to talk to her, someone who shares her view on the situation.” Rose suggests.

“By ‘the situation’ you mean… what exactly? Her attitude to the break up, Sollux himself, or to how best to handle feelings of grief?” Kanaya asks.

Rose sets your mugs down on the table and perches on the edge of her and Kanaya’s bed with her own.

“The latter. You can’t engage with someone in denial like that, you have to meet them where they are by allowing them to accept the present and then confront the past at their own speed in a safe environment. If you’re poking at the problem it just won’t open up, she has to come to the realisation by herself. You need someone else who thinks that way.” Rose explains.

You frown and consider her words carefully.

“Dave?” you ask uncertainly.

Rose snorts inelegantly into her mug and then leans down to set it on the floor, all this gives her the time to give you the most withering of looks.

“No, Karkat. I would struggle to think of anyone less future focused than Dave. Dave plans for the future, yes, but his plans for the future are entirely based on his knowledge of the past and his plans are vague at best. His attitude to himself and others hinges on the past, he views the future as something that he’ll deal with when he gets there. He’s able to live in the present a lot more comfortably now than he used to be able to but he is awful at living in the future. Aradia’s current worldview is very much that the past cannot be changed and only the future can be.” Rose explains.

“Not to be obtuse here, but given a linear understanding of time is that not how everyone thinks?” Kanaya asks and you’re grateful that she does so you don’t have to.

“Consider it like this. The past has already happened, yes. But some people obsess over their past. What did this event really mean, what caused it, what does that mean for me, who was I, how did that shape me now? People who can’t let their past go think like this and they very much face backward, ignoring the present moment and the future. When new things happen in their life they become just another thing to think about in the past, people agonise about what they could have done or should have done. It’s unhealthy.” Rose explains.

You’re pretty sure you’ve been guilty of that at times.

“On the other hand, some people refuse to think about their past. What’s done is done and they can’t change it at all. Instead they’re always hopping from future moment to future moment. Wishing for something that’s not yet here. They think things will be alright when they finally have this thing or when that thing has happened. They’re never satisfied with anything that happens because once they achieve it then it flits through the present moment and off into the past. They avoid thinking about anything in the here and now or anything that happened to them before and instead focus only on the future. This is also unhealthy.” Rose continues.

“So it’s best to focus on the now? Surely that can lead to short sighted hedonism?” Kanaya asks.

“Certainly, an obsession with only this moment is also not good for you. What is best is to live in the present moment but be able to look at what has happened in your past, accept it, learn from it and leave it there. You should also look to the future and plan for things, dream of progress but also appreciate the moment you’re in with a sort of mindfulness. It’s all about balance.” Rose answers her.

“So Aradia’s ignoring her past and only focusing on the future instead of how the past made her feel and how she’s feeling now?” you say.

“Correct. Now, Dave is able to live in the now and generally does but he’s very tied to the past as a person and he’s just not great at dreaming ahead of himself. Which is fine, he’s not unhealthy in how he views the world but it’s very incompatible if you’re looking for someone to reason with Aradia. Now, Jade on the other hand is very future focused. Not unhealthily most of the time but she’s a lot more predisposed to the whole ‘the past is the past’ type of attitude. If you want someone to be around Aradia so she can pull back a bit and accept what happened then I think Jade is your best bet.” Rose suggests.

"You think?" you ask a little uneasily.

It's not that you dislike Jade, far from it. She's one of your best friends. The problem with Jade is she's not just very strong willed but she's very averse to anything where it seems like you're trying to pull her strings to get her to do something. You had a lot of very embarrassing teenage arguments with her that you'd really rather not remember. The thing is that Jade is a good person, she's cheerful and friendly but that doesn't always mean that she's nice and you certainly shouldn't underestimate her. That said you could describe Aradia with a lot of the same words so Rose is right about that much.

"I'm sure if you're upfront with her about your concerns then she'd be willing to help, she and Aradia are friends after all." Kanaya says.

"Yeah, I suppose so. I just feel pretty bad that I've already upset Aradia and I'd rather not piss off Jade too." you say quietly.

"I'm sure she'll be happy to help you. She was the one who got broken up with after all, she needs support. Just ask for help." Rose advises you sagely.

You nod your head slowly and consider your next move, after a few moments of thought you pick your palmhusk up again and open a message to Jade. On the ship you have three standard time shifts, first shift, second shift and third shift. On top of that though you also have people in week A or week B so that the ship is never understaffed because everyone's on the weekend at the same point. Some professions like Dave's and Gamzee's don't follow that standard structure and they just work when they work but for most people in standard jobs you fit into that kind of pattern. The vast majority of your friends are on week A, same as you. Which ought to mean that Jade is off today just like you are.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: HI JADE ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
GG: oh hi karkat! im working at the moment actually but its just number crunching geophys data so i could use the break to be honest
GG: whats up?
CG: OH, I THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE A DAY OFF.
GG: i normally would yeah but i had to switch shifts
GG: dave has an eye appointment tonight they have to do all the checks and stuff before the big mission coming up since it fell right in his usual checkup window they moved it up
GG: being suddenly blind and sometimes a little numb from painkillers isnt a good combo so i try to take him there and back from the first appointment
CG: SHIT, I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT THOSE WOULD BE LIKE. I KNOW THE CYBORG DEPARTMENT HAS TO TUNE HIM UP OR WHATEVER EVERY SO OFTEN BUT THAT'S A LOT.
GG: yeah and if anything is even slightly wrong they have to take eeeeeverything out and check it over repair it and all that until they can give them back to him
CG: WOW.
GG: oh shit i have to go!
CG: OH, FUCK, I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO ASK YOU WHAT I WANTED TO.
GG: well hey why dont you come around for dinner this evening at seven at my place? we can talk about whatever's on your mind and if you bring dinner around i dont have to pick that up on my way back with dave
CG: ARE YOU SURE HE WON'T MIND?
GG: nah hes fine afterwards i just like to keep an eye on him is all
CG: WELL, OKAY. TONIGHT AT SEVEN THEN. ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT YOU WANT?
GG: surprise me!
GG: oh! gotta go!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You shift your bewildered look from your palmhusk to your friends.

"I... think I'm seeing Jade this evening to ask about it, only Dave's going to be there, he'll be blind and I have to pick up with dinner and I'm not completely sure what just happened." you tell them.

"That sounds like a standard conversation with Jade." Rose says with a nod.

"I guess?" you say.

You didn't really consider that Dave would be there listening to what you had to ask Jade. He's clearly already tried to talk to Aradia, but he doesn't know that you know that. You also don't know if Jade knows that. This could be tricky.

You finish up tea with Rose and Kanaya, thoroughly divested of several embarrassing bits of information that you hadn't meant to tell them and with one unsettling analysis of a recent dream too. You make a couple of attempts in the afternoon to talk to Sollux but he just seems sullen and miserable about things, the more you try to get him to open up the snappier he gets with you until you eventually relent and back off. You tidy your place up a little which mostly means picking up after Gamzee but no matter what you still have your mind set on this looming appointment with Jade and Dave.

You leave early and then worry about what food would be best to feed to a blind person only to remember that you ate lunch daily with Dave and Terezi and never saw either of them have any problems with anything like that. Back in school Dave didn't have Terezi's synesthesia fuelled vision but he did have a very uncanny awareness of what was going on around him and his vision was good enough that he still kicked your ass in gym class. He was always very clear that he was nearly blind and not actually blind. But now that he's got cybernetic eyes he's totally blind without them because, well, his cybernetic eyes are now his only eyes.

You settle on burritos, both because you like them and because the food all stays within the wrap. Dave won't have to chase things blindly around his plate, it should be fine.

At seven on the dot you ring Jade's doorbell and after a few seconds she opens it with a smile, it looks like you caught her partway through changing out of her work clothes. She's wearing a vest top and her lab coat is hanging by the door.

"Hi Karkat!" she greets you brightly and steps inside, she plucks a sweater off of a nearby chair and pulls it over her head then untucks her long hair from inside it.

"I brought food." you say and hold the bag up.

"Great! Dave's just in the shower so he'll be here in just a-" Jade stops as a sudden yell from the bathroom interrupts you both.

"Bec! NO! BEC!" Dave yelps as you hear a loud scuffling commotion and then a noise like... well you don't know what.

"Did Bec just get in the shower?" Jade calls after a moment.

"YES." Dave shouts back irritably.

There's a few thumping footsteps, a muffled bark and then the bathroom door slides open. Dave's standing there with one towel held around his waist and another balled up in one fist. Bec's bright white fur is half sodden and sticking up at odd angles with his mouth lolling open in a perpetual smile. Dave tosses the towel held in his hand to Jade and stomps back into the bathroom. His eyes were closed the whole time and you're not sure if you want to see what he looks like with them open, the idea both intrigues and repulses you a little. You're certainly not going to ask.

"You're a very soggy doggy huh? Aren't you?" Jade giggles as she rubs her dog dry.

"I thought he was retired from being a guide dog, not that he was a great one before." you observe as Bec wiggles about happily in the towel.

"No, no, he's a very good guide dog. The problem is that he just does what he wants to do, not always what Dave wanted him to do. He'd never put Dave in danger, even getting in the shower then he wasn't going to knock Dave over but he wanted in the shower so in he goes. Too smart for his own good." Jade explains.

Bec looks at you and you can certainly agree that he seems far too intelligent for his own good, or at least for Dave's good.

Before you say anything the door opens again and Dave is standing there fully dressed with his sunglasses on, you haven't seen THOSE since before he got his eyes replaced. His shirt is riding up a little as he rubs a towel through his hair.

"Karkat, just because I'm Mexican doesn't mean you had to get Mexican. I feel racially profiled." Dave deadpans and drops down to sit on the edge of Jade's double bed.

"I thought it'd give you something to complain about. Plus if you have a burrito stuffed in your mouth you'll stop talking for a moment." you shoot back.

"Always knew you wanted to stuff something in my mouth." Dave says, the corner of his mouth curling up in a smug little smile.

"Don't we all? Which one is which?" Jade asks as she picks through the bag you brought.

"This one's mine and those two it's up to you." you say as you pluck your burrito out.

"Dave, more spice or less spice? Normally I wouldn't ask but..." Jade trails off, one burrito in each hand.

"Yeah but after Equius rummaging around in my tear ducts I'll wimp out thanks. Just for today." Dave says and you watch as he leans over to grab the burrito from Jade and misses, she moves and presses it to his hand so the moment is minute but you still caught it.

"So, Karkat, what did you want to talk about?" Jade asks, unwrapping her burrito.

You pick at the foil surrounding yours and try to figure out how to phrase what you mean to say, even though you've been thinking about it all afternoon. More accurately you've been thinking about it since Rose mentioned it.

"It's... you know about Aradia and Sollux, right?" you ask.

"Of course I do." Jade nods.

"Shit really sucks, like it's a real crap situation for everyone involved." Dave agrees and bites into his burrito.

"Exactly. When I talked to Aradia she's acting like nothing is wrong and I know Aradia's a little bit like that, she doesn't let things get her down but this isn't something small. I tried to get her to talk to me about it, she's my friend too. I know Sollux is my best friend and all but we're not doing this whole thing where a couple breaks up and they divide the friend group." you explain.

"I don't think anyone wants that." Jade nods.

"Right, but I tried talking to her about it and I think I made things worse. No, I definitely made things worse, or at least made her angry at me. Maybe I'm just too close to Sollux for her tell me how she's doing but she's my friend too and I don't like the idea that she's hurt and not talking to anyone about it. I'm pretty sure she won't talk to me but I was hoping that maybe you could try to be there for her? Get her to open up a little?" you ask hopefully.

"You said you talked to her before, right Dave?" Jade asks, glancing over at Dave. So he did tell her.

Dave swallows his burrito and nods.

"She's up to her neck in denial about the whole thing. I tried to tell her that shit festers, you know? She got as close to blowing up in my face that 'radia does and stormed off so I'm pretty sure that if I try to talk to her about that she'll deck me. But maybe I'm in her bad books because I took her ex who dumped her into my hive, so, you know." Dave shrugs a little.

"Would you talk to her, Jade?" you ask hopefully.

"I'm not really sure I should. She clearly doesn't want to talk about any of this. But... well, I've been pushing for a lot of the science crew to get together for social things before the next big mission. I could actually arrange everything to make that happen instead of just suggesting it and make sure that Aradia is there. She might just need to take her mind off of things and have stuff to look forward to that both doesn't have anything to do with Sollux and never has. A whole new thing, you know? Then if it feels right or if she wants to talk then she can." Jade suggests.

Rose's assessment seems pretty on point, not that you should be surprised by that. Rose is always accurate.

"I can't imagine how shitty she must feel, Sollux is a mess and Hal feels guilty as shit. I like Aradia and I hate the idea that she's dealing with this nightmare on her own." Dave says quietly.

Dave holds out his hand and Bec walks over, dropping down to sit between Dave's legs and lolling his head against Dave's knee. Dave pets his former and now temporarily present guide dog.

"I'd really appreciate it if you could. I still can't believe this happened at all." you say glumly.

Sollux has made it clear that however things between him and Aradia changed, it happened slowly and a while ago, it's scary to think that sort of thing can just creep up on you. A relationship ending mound of problems just lurking unaware.

"It really sucks. Now we're the longest running couple in our group. Not really a title I wanted seeing as it meant them falling apart." Dave says.

"It's not like it's anyone's fault but it's still sad." Jade agrees.

"Can I get that in writing? Hal's still losing sleep over it." Dave laughs without much humour.

"I still have no idea how he thought that whole dumbass scheme was going to go down. Like anyone would have bought that whole fake relationship thing." Jade says, shaking her head.

"Aradia bought it." you mumble, killing the conversation.

The three of you silently eat your food for a bit, the weight of the truth you just dropped holding all of your tongues. Eventually you can't stand it anymore and you have to say something.

"So, uh, Dave what exactly is Equius doing with your eyes?" you ask awkwardly.

"Tune up, updating the software and hardware. The next planet we're going to is very snowy so he's making sure they can handle upping the contrast in snow, no good me getting there and being perpetually snowblinded." Dave answers.

"It's incredible that he can do that much. I'm surprised that Terezi never went in for that. I know she doesn't view her blindness as a disability or anything which is fine but you'd think Equius could do something that would help, even if it wasn't as extensive as yours." you wonder.

Dave shakes his head.

"It's not like that. I didn't care much about being able to see better, I mean it was nice to help with my art." Dave starts, though he pauses at your derisive snort on the subject of his 'art'.

"I just needed perfect and even enhanced vision to do the job I needed to do. I have to be out there, you know? If I had wanted to do something else, if things had been different and... I don't think I'd have gone in for it either. My eyes were always fucked up, it was normal for me. There was enough tech to help me read and write, my hearing was great and I could do pretty much everything else. But since I did upgrade I end up totally in the dark if they break or if they need repairing, I'm worse off now than I was before. I didn't need fixing, I just needed to pass a test to do my job. Terezi does her job and lives her life fine, she doesn't need fixing." Dave explains.

"I know, I didn't mean..." you falter.

"Sounds a little bit like you did." Jade points out gently.

"I... guess I did. Sorry, I didn't mean to come off like I think you needed fixing. I'm just impressed with the technology is all." you apologise, you'd say it was short sighted of you to say but you manage to catch that dumbass comment before it slips out.

"It's fine, I don't care. If TZ hears you going on about that though she might whap you with that cane." Dave teases you.

"I've no doubt that she'd do that immediately." you agree.

"She'd never sign up for this kind of thing. You know that when she and I hang out together I turn them off? I manually make them send me no information and we have blind hangouts, it's great. No need to turn the light on or anything." Dave grins.

"I swear you always got around better in the dark anyway. Was that actually the case? Was lower light easier or was I just aware that I couldn't see and you two were fine?" you wonder.

"It's not like that came up a lot." Dave snorts and bites a huge chunk out of his burrito as Bec watches hopefully for dropped morsels.

"Anyway, I'll try to invite Aradia to this science hangout that I had in mind. Hopefully that'll be good for her. I'll look out for her." Jade promises.

"Thanks, that really means a lot. You don't need to report back to me or anything, it's probably better if you don't but I'm happy that someone will be there for her and hopefully... hopefully things can get better." you say as a little tension leaves you.

“What about Sollux? How has he been? I’ve been trying to stay on top of him-” you falter as Jade loudly snorts into her burrito.

“Shut the fuck up.” you snap at her, which only makes her laugh at you more outwardly because Jade has no shame in her mockery.

“You were saying?” Dave asks politely, something that makes you automatically suspicious but nonetheless you press on.

“I’ve been trying to keep an eye on how he’s doing but he can be cagey as all hell when he wants to be. Right now he keeps varying between passive aggressive and just outright aggressive if I push him too hard on it.” you say.

“But doesn’t he have p-” Jade starts.

“Jade, ixnay on the alepay.” Dave hisses at her.

“Dave, I can speak like six languages fluently. Do you really think I can’t translate the most basic cypher of pig latin? I… I know that there’s some pale feelings with the whole Sollux situation. That wasn’t what I was asking.” you say.

“On both sides?” Jade asks quietly, her sharp green eyes pinning you in place.

“That’s not- I’m with Gamzee and that’s nothing new. I just want to know how he’s doing because I’m having a hard time getting a straight answer out of him. Like he’ll sidetrack into other topics or ideas when I’m trying to get a read on how he’s handling the breakup. Dave, you live with him, what’s going on?” you ask as discomfort builds in you.

“I don’t know. He’s not skipping around with glee or anything and if I try and help him with stuff too much he just keeps reminding me that we’re not friends.” Dave says with a movement of his head that you learnt to associate with him rolling his eyes back when you were in school and he was forever hidden by those glasses, you guess it’s still a mannerism he has.

“He doesn’t mean that, he’s just bad at accepting that people like him.” you assure Dave.

“Like you?” Dave says at the same time that Jade does.

Dave grins at Jade and you watch as the insufferable pair fistbump each other, and with that at least Dave seems to have no coordination problems.

“You both suck.” you inform the pair of them.

“Anyway, he seems pretty sad about it but that’s entirely what you’d expect. The guy just got his heart broken it’s not like he’s just going to walk that off like… I guess Aradia’s doing that but he isn’t. Pretty sure her being so fine with everything ain’t doing him any favours. Other than that I don’t have anything else to tell you, I’m not spying on the guy.” Dave says.

“Just to be clear though, you’re not asking me to make sure that Aradia feels bad just so that Sollux can feel better?” Jade checks.

“No, of course not. I don’t want that but the two of them are still going to be pretty connected on the topic of their whole relationship. I’m sure how Sollux feels and how he’s doing affects her.” you reason.

It should anyway, half of the reason you’re here is that it doesn’t seem to be and that’s worrisome.

Your attention gets sidetracked away from the topic of Aradia and Sollux as Dave licks a slow running drip of red salsa off of his hand, from the palm to the tip of his thumb. You think you’re past the stage where attractive people you like get to make your pumpbiscuit stutter but along with Sollux you have to admit that Dave is one who never really stopped. Not that Jade is any exception either. An embarrassing portion of your teenage years was mixed with relief, because one of your crushes started dating someone which meant you could move past it, and despair because said crush would now make out with one of your other former crushes. Probably inevitable given just how many confused crushes you had.

Your whole quadrant problems and the pains of realising what that meant for you was hard enough. Your relationship with Gamzee is fulfilling and he’s willing to live in the stupid confines you put him in so you really shouldn’t wish for more. But, all the same, Dave always managed to mash the buttons in the flush/pitch centres of your thinksponge in a way that never fully stopped.

Like, sure, you once had a crush on Jade, but you had one on Terezi too. You can perfectly happily see them both as friends who happen to be attractive and the conscious attraction you have has mostly faded. But Dave… eh… he’s in the same category of Sollux where you’re determined to stay friends because of how much you care but it’s not as if the feelings ever really went away.

Dave jolts you out of your stupid thoughts by balling up the foil his burrito came in. He lowers it to Bec’s height.

“Bec, trash.” Dave instructs the barkbeast who carefully takes the foil from Dave’s hands and drops it gently into the small trashcan across the room.

“Good boy!” Jade rewards him.

Dave beckons the white fluff monster back and gives him approving scritches and pets to reward him.

“I… should probably get out of your hair. Thanks for offering to help Aradia out, it’s a real weight off of my mind.” you thank Jade.

“It’s no problem, she’s my friend too. Thanks for dinner.” Jade smiles.

“Later.” Dave says as you stand, although he doesn’t get up himself.

Jade walks you to her front door but stops you before you can walk off by placing her hand on your shoulder. You turn to look at her in confusion and she fixes you in place with the weight of her stare.

“I know you’re worried, Karkat. It’ll all work out alright, and even if it didn’t it’s not your job to make everyone happy all the time. I know you’ve only got the best intentions but sometimes things just don’t work out. This isn’t on you, you know? Don’t beat yourself up about everything.” Jade says gently and then punches your shoulder lightly, or lightly for her at least.

“Is beating me up your job then?” you laugh a little weakly.

“Yeah!” Jade grins rolling her sleeve up a little and flexing at you.

You hurry off before she decides to prove her strength a second time, you’ve very firmly learnt THAT lesson over the years. Instead of taking the train back to your hive right away, electing to let your feet steer you hivewards as your mind mulls everything over.

Is there a chance that you’re the problem here? Not the central problem of course, you’re not that egotistical. Obviously Sollux and Aradia’s breakup is the key problem here but you had thought that you were helping. Sollux came to you and you gave him a place to sleep for the night, you found him a place to live longer term and you’re trying to look after him. You’re also trying to make sure that Aradia is taken care of too because it’s not as if you only cared for her because she was Sollux’s matesprit, she’s your friend as well.

But are you making things worse? You try not to look at Sollux’s feelings too directly, it’s an unspoken agreement between the two of you that you know how he feels and he knows how you feel. You’re at a stalemate with that and you value your friendship too much so neither of you talk about it, you’ll reference it if it’s really contextually needed but otherwise it’s a taboo subject.

That doesn’t mean that feelings aren’t there. There’s every chance that your feelings and Sollux’s feelings are causing a problem here.

You need to face this, even if it’s just in the privacy of your own mind.

The thing is that you’re broken. Your boundaries between quadrants are broken, a trait that you share with your ancestor. Signless supposedly loved without quadrant as Disciple so often tells you. She was in a relationship with your ancestor as well as Sollux’s, both men are long since dead but their traits live on in you and your respective dancestors.

As far as you know Kankri is more like Signless than you are in that regard but he refuses all quadrants so he can dedicate himself to his work. More like he’s too insufferable for anyone to want him but you try to keep that thought to yourself. You’re… different.

You can do just one quadrant without it getting blurry, your relationship with Gamzee is strictly pale. But the fact that you CAN do blurry makes you far more compatible with humans than most trolls. Humans found adapting to moirallegiance with trolls remarkably easy and you know some human scholars go on about queer-platonic relationships or something but you’re not well versed in that. But any quadrant where pailing is involved humans hit that speed bump of exclusivity, a majority of humans can only really manage monogamy when it comes to concupiscent relationships and the idea that your matesprit has a kismesis is really not something a lot of humans can deal with.

You’re a lot more human than you’d like.

You can’t… share. Gamzee is fine to not see anyone else and that’s what makes things between you work. The idea of you having a partner and them going off to anyone else for anything beyond platonic makes you feel like absolute shit. That’s on you. Gamzee puts up with your absurd, broken and stupid demand whereas basically no one else would agree to that.

When you were younger you hadn’t fully worked out how that would work in practice, what you were and weren’t okay with. You had crushes that were doomed because your emotions went haywire when anyone else came in the picture.

Sollux had feelings for you and you know they were as blurry as your ancestors had, you also know damn well that Disciple was watching you with the unguarded curiosity of the elderly to see if history would repeat itself. You couldn’t do it though, you couldn’t risk all that you had with Sollux when you weren’t sure what you were asking and you couldn’t make him wait forever.

So… when he and Aradia got together it was, ironically, that which made you realise your limits. You like Aradia, you do, but you’re not dating her so sharing Sollux even if it was just pale wouldn’t have been something you could deal with. Sollux knew that, he talked it through with you, then you and Gamzee got together and it was doubly not a thing either of you could do.

But now, now Sollux is single and you’re pretty sure his feelings never really went away just as yours didn’t. He’s single and you’re worried about him, checking up on him, trying to fix things. It’s all pretty pale. You don’t want to cheat on Gamzee and you don’t think you are, this is still arguably platonic but it’s close enough that it probably feels like a kick in the teeth for Sollux. You’d never overstep your bounds so it’s almost like you’re giving him as close to pale as you can all while reminding him that your diamond is very much off the table along with anything else you might feel.

Fuck, you’re not helping. You might even be making things worse.

You hesitate, your hand going to your pocket for your palmhusk. You want to troll him, to explain yourself, to check he’s okay and then apologise for all of this. Are you tempted to do that for his benefit though, or for yours? He’s going through so much shit right now it’s really not okay for you to ask him to stop processing his own pain just to assure you that you’re a good person. Shit, of course you can’t ask. How self centred are you?!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling awfullyClawfull [AC]

CG: DISCIPLE, CAN I COME AND TALK TO YOU?
AC: I6 Of claws you can sweetie, what's wrong? Do you want to come over? 9I
CG: IF I COULD.
CG: DO YOU NEED ME TO PICK UP ANYTHING ON THE WAY SINCE I'M COMING OVER?
AC: I6 Ohhh maybe some cake and cookies? 9I
CG: BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING NICE AND HELPING ME I WON'T REMIND YOU THAT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE WATCHING YOUR BLOOD SUGAR OR ANYTHING.
AC: I6 A smart choice! >:3 9I
CG: I'LL HEAD OVER THERE NOW.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling awfullyClawfull [AC]

Instead of getting on the line going sternwards you cross over to the bow directional line. There’s a little grocery place not too far from your destination so when you get really close by you swing into there and pick up a lemon cake and ginger cookies.

Technically the residential area you’re in now ought to be off limits to you, although your HR privileges allow you to go wherever you like you do need authorisation for some places. Yes, you can go check out the ship’s engine but no way in hell are you going to be allowed anywhere near the nuclear reactors down there. Definitely not without decent supervision at least. In the same way you shouldn’t be allowed to the Captain’s quarters, except you do have authorisation. Personal authorisation.

You swipe through the layers of security and give the guards a little wave as you go.

The Captain’s hive is pretty extensive in size with a large living area, a small but functional kitchen, a library/office space and then a decently sized private respiteblock and ablutionblock. You knock on the door, you could have just walked right in but that still seems rude even if you were invited.

The doors slide open and Disciple smiles down at you, even though trolls get darker with age her smile and lined face has always seemed bright and warm to you. When you were a kid you’d put your pale grey hands on her deep dark arms and wonder what you’d look like at her age. Honestly you don’t know what your lifespan is given your mutation, Signless didn’t get to die of old age so you’ve no clue. Disciple is pretty fucking old though. She’s midblood but she’s very old for olive, not that you like to think of that.

“Karkat!” Disciple says cheerily and pulls you into a hug, you bury your face in her hair and take in the smoky smell of her. It’s not as if she’s been by any firesides on the ship but she spent so much time nearby them when she was younger that it’s almost part of her now.

“Hey, Dis.” you smile at her.

“Oooh, cake. Come on in.” she grins, taking the grocery bag from your hand.

“It’s lemon, I hope that’s okay.” you say as she totters over to her kitchen surfaces and starts unpacking the treats you brought her.

Behind you a door slides open and you turn to see the Captain herself.

“Captain.” you say about as respectfully as you think you can get away with.

“Don’t you ‘Captain’ me, I heard cake.” Captain Jade says with a wicked smile as she rubs her wrinkly hands together in anticipation.

It’s funny to look at her sometimes, the resemblance between her and her granddaughter is just uncanny when she gets that mischievous expression on her face.

“Remarkable hearing at your age, sir.” you say innocently.

“Oh! The cheek on this one, here!” the Captain exclaims and then tries to pinch your cheek, the same way she’s tried many times since you were little but you’re WISE to this game.

Unfortunately she is older, wiser and cannier than you and you end up with pinched cheeks and very ruffled hair despite your escape attempts. In the background Disciple is casually slicing up cake and serving it onto dainty little plates all while boiling water for tea.

“Alright, stop. Dear.” Disciple’s tone turns a little warning as she looks at the Captain, although the menace is a little undercut by the carefully plated cake slices in each hand.

The Captain of your entire vessel, a woman who actually lived on Earth before it was destroyed, a woman who rose in the ranks of command and jumped ship to an Alternian vessel back when trolls and humans weren’t as au fait with each other as they are now. That woman who proved herself to highbloods and lowbloods alike and got control of her own vessel at the remarkably young age of thirty but can even now in her old age make the subjugulators nod with respect. That woman looks at the offered cake and weighs it against the chance to keep pinching you for her own amusement and with a delighted cackle lets you go and takes her cake.

“I’ll be on the bridge!” the Captain says cheerily, kisses Disciple on the cheek and scampers away with her treat.

“Come on, sit down.” Disciple smiles and takes a seat on the loungeplank, gently patting the space at her side.

You settle into place at Disciple’s side and uneasily pick at your cake with your fork. It’s one of a set, well, a collection of the Captain’s. All Earth original and none of them match at all, which makes them match in an odd way. A lot of stuff from Earth was melted down to make needed components for ships and it saddens you to think about how much history the humans lost. All the culture contained in physical items that no longer exist. Of course you still have forks and even replicas of designs from Earth but the real thing is rare and that’s a shame.

“Karkat?” Disciple prompts, you realise that you’d been avoiding thinking about what you came here for.

“Do-” you falter, “did Signless ever have problems with people?”

He was executed, so, yes. Stupid question. Stupid.

“How do you mean?” Disciple asks instead.

You fiddle with your fork a little, not looking at her.

“I mean he… he had you and The Psiionic and the three of you were a thing.” you begin, your words faltering.

“Yes?” Disciple says slowly.

It’s not as if she doesn’t talk to you about yours and Sollux’s ancestors a lot, she talks to you and Kankri, Sollux, Nepeta and Meulin about them all the time. Mituna too as well before all that went down. She took losing him pretty hard, probably because it was a huge echo of how it felt to have The Psiionic taken from her forever. It certainly wouldn’t have helped that Mituna was the spitting image of his ancestor, you’ve seen the pictures so you know that. Signless looked a lot more like Kankri but if Kankri was trying to disguise himself as you, it’s an odd mix. When it comes to Disciple it’s Nepeta who resembles her more.

Anyway, she talks about them a lot. She’s so interested in all of you because Signless and Psiionic were hers. Granted, she has an interest in Kanaya and Porrim too but Disciple wasn’t romantically involved with their ancestor so it’s not the same.

For better or worse Disciple is invested in your lives because for all the six- shit, the five of you aren’t your ancestors there’s echoes and mutations of who they were alive in all of you. You know it weirds some of the humans out, not on your ship but on the ones where it’s almost all human, where they don’t get trolls so much. They would consider all of you Vantas/Captor/Lejion descendants to be related in some way which… no, you’re not. The only person you have anything close to that with is Kankri, the Alternian word for what you are to him is his dancestor and that doesn’t map over accurately enough to borrow the words ‘brother’ or ‘cousin’ from human languages but it’s the closest to it. Your ancestor’s background with Sollux’s gives your whole deal context but not relation, it’s not like that. So Disciple isn’t family to you, not like how Jade sees the Captain, not how you saw your lusus and not how you see Kankri. But she’s something. Maybe in a few more generations with shorter ancestor/descendant turnaround thanks to the mothergrubs being so scattered and decentralised. Maybe then there’ll be some term coined for what she is to you but she’s family in some sense, an adoptive sense maybe.

You’ve distracted yourself again.

“Sorry.” you apologise quietly.

“It’s alright.” Disciple assures you.

“When he was with you and the Psiionic, did he have… feelings for other people?” you ask her.

Disciple smiles a little sadly and slices her fork through her cake.

“He had lots of feelings for lots of people. I’m assuming you mean romantic so… sort of? He still had attraction to other people outside of us, certainly. We spent a lot of time laying low in places and Psiionic he, hah, he set up this game of ‘pail, quad, kill’ whenever we were watching people or even when we’d been around people for a bit. In private of course. So he certainly experienced attraction even though he was with us, we all did, it’s perfectly normal and we weren’t jealous about some passing appreciation for someone’s looks or personality.” Disciple explains.

“That- you know I’m not surprised by that.” you say with a shake of your head, that entirely sounds like something Sollux would do too. Again, your ancestors have echoes in you.

“Are you having feelings for someone outside of your relationship with your moirail?” Disciple asks you carefully.

“An excess of feelings is perpetually my problem and will be for my entire fucking life I’m sure. I mean-” you stumble slightly in your words, “did he ever want to be with anyone other than you two? Not just finding someone attractive but actively wanting to be involved with them?”

“If he did I didn’t know about it. I know Psiionic did at one point. We’d been dealing with a lower class ship’s helmsman, trying to work out a way to free her and Psii spent a lot of time talking to her and he developed some feelings and he felt terribly guilty about that. Signless talked to him about it, I know that much but I don’t remember if they told me what they’d said. It became a non-issue anyway because sadly she was caught and killed.” she answers you.

There’s an answer there somewhere but it’s lost to the depths of time. Either because Disciple doesn’t remember in her old age and with so many years between then and now or just because she was never made aware of the details of that conversation.

“I wish I could ask him.” you say, small and sad.

Most trolls never meet their ancestors and you’re no exception but you know so much of him through her and he’s strange in so many of the ways you are that you always feel that if he was here he could help you. You miss him which is stupid because you’ve never met. You like to think sometimes that he is still here in a way, living through you in a far better time and place despite the end of the universe chasing you through space. You’re not him but you hope that if there’s anything like a soul that exists that maybe his can see all of this through you. You just hope you’re not a complete let down for him.

“If you tell me what the problem is then maybe I can tell you what he might have said.” Disciple suggests gently, her hand on your shoulder.

“You know how me and Sollux have always…” you break off with a vague gesture to communicate just how much you’ve always loved him.

How you’re pale and red and black and how sometimes he gets at himself so much that you could almost be ashen between the part of him that attacks his own wellbeing and the rest of him. He’s your best friend and there is everything else there all at once and things will always be complicated there.

“He and Aradia broke up and obviously he’s hurt. Of course he is. I want to make it better, I’m trying to help however I can because I’m his best friend and- but I know he has feelings and I have feelings but I have Gamzee so I can’t- I don’t even know if I’m helping or if I’m this horrible pale tease when that’s the last thing he needs and I don’t even know anymore.” you say in a rush.

You feel stupid and awful, it’s far too much like when you were just becoming a teenager and your feelings were so foreign and awful. You hated that you weren’t normal, that you couldn’t be like other trolls. You wonder if Signless ever felt so shitty. He worked out something that made him happy but he got lucky. You don’t get that.

Wait, no, it’s not that you’re not lucky. You’re lucky that Gamzee pities the broken mess that you are, that he’s willing to be exclusive with you when every other troll would surely tell you to fuck all the way off if you dared ask for that. What kind of useless, ungrateful, emotionally unfaithful kind of garbage heap are you!?

“I should go.” you blurt out as you leap to your feet.

“Karkat, if things aren’t working for you anymore you can talk to them about it. Renegotiate. Be honest about your feelings.” Disciple suggests as you flounder trying to find a space to put your plate of cake down.

You laugh as you put it on the side, a disbelieving kind of sound.

“Are you kidding? I couldn’t convince those two to share a meal much less… I can’t do that. It’s not fair.” you bite your words off at the end.

“I should go.” you add that last part awkwardly, you came here and disturbed her.

“Karkat, you don’t have to go.” Disciple says but you do, you have to go.

You make your apologies and excuses and leave. You hurry to the train and navigate through the ship to get to your hive. Stumbling through the door you feel guilt and shame burning hot up the back of your neck and you wish so dearly that you were anything but what you are.

“Karkat?” Gamzee sticks his head around your respiteblock door, his face both sleepy and confused as he looks at you.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- you were sleeping, right?” you trip over your words.

“Was, until I felt all that in the hive. What’s…” Gamzee walks towards you with the slow assessing gaze and lazy pace of an apex predator.

His purple eyes sharpen on you, looking right through you no doubt. Your back hits the door and your mind flashes through guilt, shame, self loathing, all of it. Gamzee’s far larger hand goes for your neck, he could snap it one handed you’re pretty sure, but instead he just shoves his thumb against the underside of your chin to make you look up at him again. At some point you’d stopped doing that.

“Who hurt you?” Gamzee asks quietly.

You laugh a hysterical kind of sound that doesn’t seem to set your concerned moirail at ease any. You’re pretty sure he wants to rip apart whoever upset you, given that it’s you then you sort of wish he would.

“No one. Me. I’m sorry.” you answer instead.

“What’re you sorry for?” he asks with a confused frown pulling at his face paint.

“I’m. Everything? Me. I’m sorry I’m like this, I’m sorry I’m the way I am. I know everything with Sollux and you is hard and you didn’t deserve this I wish I was better and you put up with so much and- AH!” you yelp as Gamzee picks you up and throws you over his shoulder like a bag of dirty laundry.

There’s no getting down from Gamzee’s shoulders, you don’t want to actually claw him up trying to escape and you have a feeling that even if you tried that you wouldn’t get anywhere.

“What the fuck put me down!” you shout as your moirail casually walks through your hive with you over his shoulder.

You can hear him kicking a few things about and then, with a momentum that you can’t resist, he sort of swings you off of his shoulder and down onto a pile of stuff that he’s shoved together. Gamzee drops to his knees and rests his hands on either side of you so he can fully stare you down, almost nose to nose he’s so close. You occasionally- this is so stupid, occasionally you remember when he picks you up like this or gets close to you all quiet that he is actually a highly trained killer. That he’s taken down creatures ten times your size, that for all his long narrow limbs there’s absurd strength there, that he could rend apart or kill a normal person if he wanted to. He wouldn’t, though. You know him better than that.

“What’s goin’ on in your pan?” Gamzee asks, his voice a deep rumble.

Not the subject of Gamzee’s potential to kill and dismember people, nope.

“It’s… stupid.” you say and look off to the side.

A deep displeased growl reverberates through Gamzee’s chest and a large hand comes up to the side of your head, he hooks his thumb around your horn and makes you look at him. Yeah, you’re not getting out of this that easily. He stares you down and waits patiently, you always give in first when it comes to this sort of situation.

“I wish I wasn’t the way I am.” you confess.

Gamzee makes a disapproving tutting sound and shakes his head, his long fingers stroking paths through your hair.

“The way you are is some kind of miracle, don’t say that.” he assures you gently.

“It doesn’t feel like it. I talked to Disciple today and I feel shitty about the whole wretched situation, if I was Signless he’d know what to do. Instead I’m here. And I tried to talk to Aradia to check to see if she was okay about the Sollux thing because she’s my friend too but she snapped at me and I’m supposed to be her friend too and I just want her to be okay and-” it’s all tumbling out of you in a rush now, words slamming into each other in a fifty car pile up of a disaster.

“Shoosh. Signless ain’t here, and even if you were him it’s not him I pity, it’s yourself so stop with that for one.” Gamzee tells you and paps your cheek with his other hand, the one not keeping you focused on him.

“Second, I get what you mean with Aradia. Girl’s got all kinds of unbearable lightness going on up in that pan of hers but if she ain’t gonna crack you can’t make her, that’s not your problem.” Gamzee says, his cold fingers tapping out a soothing patten on your cheekbone.

Without any input from your thinksponge you can already feel yourself melting into this pile of whatever it is that Gamzee kicked together for this.

“What if she won’t talk to me because of me and Sollux?” you ask softly.

There’s a flicker of that age old irritation at Sollux even being mentioned, let alone the idea that there’s something between the two of you that could make Aradia unhappy. Shit, Disciple was all ready to suggest that you ask Gamzee if you can rearrange your relationship. Even assuming that you’d be okay with exclusively dating Gamzee and exclusively dating Sollux at the same time, AND assuming that both of them would be alright not seeing anyone but you which is a bonkers demand. Even assuming that both of them would be alright not seeing other people and sharing you with someone else you know damn well that neither Sollux nor Gamzee would be alright sharing you with the other romantically. Gamzee would rather eat broken glass than do that, you don’t need to ask shit to know that.

Things might have worked out all moonshine and roses for your ancestor who got himself a nice little exclusive triangular polyamarous thing, that’s what the humans would call that at least, but that’s not happening here. It’d be more likely for YOU to be crowned Empress and that’s not happening in any universe.

The irritation on Gamzee’s face slips off like it was never there and instead he smiles softly at you.

“Aradia’s problems are hers, man. She’s gotta face that darkness on her own, even if that’s not usually her job.” Gamzee assures you.

He paps your face a little harder now and leans down to rest his whole body on you. The hand on your face is less of a gentle tap and more like he’s kneading into all the little pale chemical release places in your face that make your mind go all goo. Fuck, you can’t think good. You try to say something but it’s all garbly nonsense.

Instead Gamzee is a cold weight on you, his chilled hands on your face like a cold shower rinsing every bad thought you have away. All thoughts actually.

Chapter Text

“Dave, Dave wake up.” Jade shakes your shoulder and you mumble unhappily at her waking you up.

“Dave, work is asking me if I can come in after all. Darvik got sick and they really need the analysis for the-” Jade starts.

You roll face down on the pillow and make a noise of exhausted agreement, anything to stop her shaking you.

“Are you going to be okay getting to your appointment? Have you got an alarm set?” Jade asks, poking you in the arm until you roll over.

“Yes, I’m fine. Go.” you whine into the pillow, the pillow understands you and your needs. You and the pillow have a good thing going.

The bed creaks under you as Jade stands up and you go back to dozing, still half aware and tracking her around her hive as she gets ready for work as quickly as she can. Kibble clinks into Bec’s bowl as she feeds him breakfast and he inhales it as fast as possible.

“Love you, bye.” Jade whispers in a minty exhale and kisses your cheek.

You mumble something to the same effect but don’t move. The door slides shut and after a second or two you lean up a little. Bec is breathing nearby on the floor by the side of the bed and you only have to pat the sheets once for him to obediently leap up and press himself to your back.

You smile and fall back to sleep once again.

There’s probably a word for what happens, where you know you have to be up for something and you’ve already been woken up, the result being that you don’t get back into a proper sleep cycle but just lightly sleep for a bit. When you wake up properly you stretch lazily and reach over to scratch Bec’s chest, he’s still happily snoozing next to you with no worries at all.

You reach for your watch on your left wrist and press the dial in.

“What’s the time?” you ask it.

“The time is 10:45 AM.” your watch answers you.

Bleh, your appointment is at 13:30 which is close enough that you don’t want to get involved in doing much else but far away enough that you’re going to be bored waiting for it. You sigh and heave yourself upright.

“Bec, down.” you tell him and obediently he hops down off of the bed.

Carefully you swing your legs over the side, not wanting to kick any wayward dogs who might be lingering nearby in the hopes of being allowed back on the bed. Bec has the good sense to be out of the way and you’re able to walk to the ablutionblock in peace. You know how many steps it is from anywhere to anywhere else, old habits that you had as a kid just don’t really go away.

You get into the ablutionblock and sit down to pee because first of all you’re blind and you don’t feel like showing off to Bec, secondly you’re not cleaning up after yourself if your aim isn’t perfect and third you just woke up so fuck any extra effort. When you’re done you wash and dry your hands and then grab for the toothbrushes in the cabinet, the one you have at Jade’s is the same but just a different colour to hers which doesn’t help you now but the fact that her toothbrush handle is still damp does.

See? You’re not helpless. Jade never thought you were before but after you got your eyeballs all scooped out she acts way more protective over you when they’re out of commission. It makes you think that she didn’t get just how bad your vision was beforehand. You could see light, shape and colour just fine and reading wasn’t a problem if the print was large enough or if it was close to you but you were mostly really good at guessing a word by the shape instead of actually seeing it. Expressions were hard to read on people so you’re just really good at tone, your hearing is damn good and you pick up way more subtle troll sounds than most humans. You’ve got perfect pitch, your spatial awareness is fantastic and you’re FINE thank you.

Stupid eyeballs, who needs ‘em? Sure, without them in you can’t see shit as you’re going about now but there’s more to seeing than eyesight.

Whatever, you have time to kill, may as well get brunch and a drink at the bar, get some music on and then go see Equius. You dress and head on out with your hand on Bec’s collar, not because you need the guide but more to stop people walking into you or expecting you to move out of their way.

You ride the train perfectly happily to the nearest intersection and then hop into an elevator. The buttons are all braille which is a little jarring for you at times, trolls didn’t have an equivalent to braille in their society because they were very firmly in the ‘fuck people with disabilities’ mindset. You’re fine with the numbers but whoever put the braille on this ship did it in English which is a language that you don’t speak at all and sometimes they put it on backwards. No goddamn help. Thankfully the Alternian number on the button is ever so slightly raised so you know what one you want by that.

Anyway, you hit the button for the engineering deck and wait patiently until the elevator announces where you are. If you REALLY couldn’t read the buttons at all you could be an asshole and drag your hands down all of the buttons and force everyone in here to go to every floor with you as you stand there ‘helplessly blind’. Fuck, you should do that at some point when you’re with Terezi, she’d get a kick out of that.

Once you’re out of the elevator you find that you’re a little turned about and it’s only when Bec leads you past a repair shop that your mental map clicks in place and you happily find out that you’ve been walking the right way anyway. Score one for you.

The Wild Rover is a nice enough bar and as you and Bec head through the doorway the barman calls out to you with a friendly hello. You wave back and keep heading towards the back. You can hear around you the chatter of regular sailors and engineers, all sorts of working people just enjoying a drink after their shift and you can even smell a good amount of coffee too.

“Hey, Dave.” Chahut greets you and you hear her get up off of her chair to let you through to the back and into Tortuga.

“Hey Chahut, how’s it been?” you ask as you pause in the somewhat hidden doorway.

“Not bad, not bad. Are you going to play?” she asks curiously.

“We’ll see.” you shrug.

“You might.” she laughs and claps you on the shoulder.

You slip through the doorway with Bec at your side and the moment you’re in Tortuga a wave of people call out your name and you can feel a thrum of appreciation for you being here. You grin at the room in general and let the sound of the currently playing music get into your soul a little. The path to the bar is easy especially because if someone was in your way they’d definitely move out of it as quick as anything.

“Hey can I get a coffee and something fried? Not stressed about what exactly.” you ask, resting your forearm on the slightly sticky wooden bartop.

“Yeah, ‘course you can. I’ll bring it over. You want that coffee Irished?” the bartender asks.

“You know what? Fuck it, a guy’s gonna have his fingers in my eyesockets soon so anything to take the edge off.” you laugh.

“Can do.” the bartender says agreeably.

“Dave, come play!” someone calls from the stage, you’re pretty sure that was Arrevi.

Before you can answer they start up in a song that immediately brings a smile to your lips.

”I wish I was the banjo man aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar. I wish I was the banjo man aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar.” they sing as the banjo plays along melodically.

Ah, fuck it. You don’t have your instruments with you but Tortuga has its own and you’re happy to pick them up. You follow the singing towards the stage with Bec leading you a winding path between tables.

”Pretty work, brave boys. Pretty work, I say. Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar.” the group sings and now the next instrument picks up, a mandolin.

”I wish I played the mandolin aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar. I wish I played the mandolin aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar.” they sing on.

You feel for the instrument you’re looking for as the song goes on and you find it. The familiar curves of a violin case calling to you so you get it free and pluck the instrument from its carefully molded confines. You find a seat and just get into singing and playing as the next spot opens up.

”I wish I was the fiddler aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar. I wish I was the fiddler aboard a manowar, Sam’s gone away aboard a manowar.” you sing and join in the right places for all the people who join after you.

As you sing and play the room reverberates around you and you can feel and sense every wall and each person in their place as they move about. Like you said, there’s more to seeing than just seeing.

Of course you couldn’t just join for one song, the others want you for more and honestly you could do with grounding yourself properly before your appointment later. Given the violin in your hands you know already what it is that you need to play, what needs to echo into the darkness that you’re in.

“Is Jahnee here?” you ask the drummer near you, you’re not loud about it but apparently he and his favoured band are about and more than happy to scramble onto the stage with you.

You don’t need to tell them what to play because as you start to pull each note from your loaned violin they follow right along with you. The room comes into a focus around you, not any way of seeing that you ever could or would explain to anyone else. Nothing that shows on any eye test, but you see beyond yourself. The mark of every person in the room as they move, play, sing or just watch you all. At your side the words begin and they help but you don’t need them personally, you could do this alone. It’s better not to though, isn’t it?

“A wiser man than I once spoke
That life at heart is all a joke
But he was not embroiled in smoke
So it’s pump, me boys, before we choke”

You lead them and the band all sings together, voices in the audience even joining in lighting them up in another shade of darkness in your mind’s eye.

”Pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home.”

You reach out further, beyond this bar and the one that covers it from the outside. Your bow moves on strings and does so much more.

”The image of my sweetheart’s face
It fires the heart and sets the pace
Whate’er the time, whate’er the place
I’ll find him through the depths of space.

Pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

You pick the speed up ever so slightly just enough that the drummer has to catch himself to keep in time with you but it’s fine. The ship about you hums, filled with life and light and so much else.

”I long to lie atop my bed
With pleasant dreams inside my head
But pumping’s all I get instead
I’ll only sleep among the dead

Pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

You look through the ship and an old shadow flickers through your awareness behind you, stretching out invisibly in the dark. Distantly across the ship familiar darkness hulks its way underfoot across the floor.

”My blood is pooling on the floor
And every second I lose more
But there’s so many meds in store
I’ll do the work of three or four

Singing pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

You can picture it, your ship soaring through space. Heading towards the next planet, to Somnos and then eventually on to another and another. Always going forward.

”The engine fumes will scorch your lungs
The smog is thick, your eyes are stung
But there’s no clean air left to run
This pumping business ain’t much fun

Singing pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

The dark of space presses in around you in the impossible bubble of life and light going through it, a statistical error in an otherwise almost completely empty universe. If you averaged out every square metre of space in the universe then the ship is a complete fluke, and yet here you are.

”The outer hull is shot to hell
The thrust has just one plasma cell
My joints and muscles ache and swell
So fuck the Rose, and you as well!

Pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

It’s not just the band singing now, everyone in the room is because of course they all know the words. Maybe a few of the newer ones to Tortuga don’t yet but this is how they learn. Better to pick it up now than later isn’t it?

”A transport mission gone awry
Attacked by Cole and left to fry
Is no excuse, boys, let us cry:
“Today is not the day we die!”

Pump, me boys, let her fly
Down to hell and up to the sky
Bend your backs and break your bones
We’re just a million miles from home”

You turn your focus from the ship and its destination ahead to the path you’ve come from, to what’s behind you. You look and see the darkness and thankfully the band picks up on your quickening pace and announces the tempo change. You play faster and faster as they sing faster still. You stare blinded into the darkness behind the ship, to the things that chase you in the darkness and the encroaching end.

You pull the last note out and hear it bounce around the room. Everything is fine, you’re all good. You flash the band a grateful smile and your ears prick up at the sound of the barman approaching you to your right with your drinks and food.

“Oh, hey, thanks.” you thank him and sit down.

“Go on with what you want, I’ll jump in and out it’s cool.” you assure the band and pick up your coffee.

They launch into another song as you sip the hot coffee through the thick cream on the top of your drink, all while the whiskey in it warms your throat. The food is good and once you’re done eating you do play a few songs just for fun with whoever else feels like taking the stage, even trading your borrowed violin for a borrowed guitar at one point. You’re not AS good with the guitar but you’re still good and you should really practice more at home.

Unfortunately it’s not all that long until your watch buzzes with your alarm and you have to finish up the song you’re on and go. After you set the guitar down you tap the alarm off on your watch. Just doing that reminds you that you should update the status feed since you’re here.

You sit down at the bar for just a moment, your head resting in your palm with your ear close enough to your watch that you can hear it as it reads out the things your thumb hovers over. You know where trollian is without needing it to tell you but you slowly hover your thumb over the chat list on the left to find what you’re looking for.

“Strider game night.” That’s tonight, and since it’s at the top of the chat you can only assume there’s shit being talked about who’s going to win. At least you, Rose and Hal are a united front on inviting Sollux. It’s not fair to host it at your place and exclude him.

“Strilux hive groupchat.” Nope.

“Alpha crew.” Also no.

“Movie night bitches.” Shit, when is June’s next movie night?

“Check and balance.” Ah there you go.

Laika: checked
Megalodon: balanced

There you go, that’s your job done.

“Come on Bec, let’s go.” you tell him and reach a hand out.

Bec’s wet nose bumps your fingers. You stand from your seat and trail your fingers down to Bec’s collar. With a wave goodbye to the bar in general and leave with a chorus of goodbyes. You know the way to Equius’ lab enough that you don’t have to consult any signs on the way and rely on their dubious braille translation. A short stretch of transportation and a casual walk later you’re inside the offices of the Bionic Enhancement Department. Most people here are in need of things like valves for their blood pushers or the occasional prosthetic hand or leg. Eyeballs are a cool and rare thing which on the one hand can get a little annoying when people stare but on the other hand it means you always get Equius’ full attention at your check ups.

“Dave, could you come with me, please?” Equius voice comes from the far side of the room, jolting you from the absent patterns you’d been stroking into the soft fur behind Bec’s ears.

“Sure, yeah.” you nod and get up.

Bec’s head bumps into your palm as you walk towards Equius’ voice.

“Just through here, the sensor’s a little broken at the moment so I’ll hold it so it doesn’t shut on you.” Equius apologises as you slip past him through the doorway.

“Always appreciate not being sliced in half by a door. Bec, sit.” you say and motion for Bec to sit down by the wall, you can’t have him in the way when Equius is going to be moving around and working on you.

You reach for the tipped back examination chair in the room, it always puts you in mind of going to the dentist with the wipe clean sticky plastic surface and the way it’s reclined backwards. After a second you hear Equius give up with the door, which of course closes perfectly smoothly by the sounds of it right as he’s turned his back on it. He pulls his squeaky wheeled chair over to you and the synthetic leather wheezes slightly as he sits on it.

“So the modifications went perfectly well, you should be able to handle the extreme temperatures better on your next mission and deal with contrast in bright snow.” Equius tells you to the background creak and snap of him putting latex gloves on.

“Awesome. Wear and tear all good? Not that ‘tear’ is a word I like when talking about eyes and wow I just grossed myself out.” you cringe a little as the words tumble out but you catch the soft huff of Equius’ quiet laugh anyway.

“All perfectly within expected parameters. I am going to have to alter the fluid for your tear ducts to deal with the climate like I said but I’ll numb you and you won’t feel a thing. I do feel the need to warn you that it does have a slight black tinge to it, not that this is a concern with your eye design but if you were to cry it might be a little alarming.” Equius warns you.

“What I’m getting is that I should tell no one and then look amazingly heavy metal on the very rare occasion that I cry. Amazing. I should get Karkat to host a romance movie night and then freak the fuck out of everyone there. Maybe I can pretend to be possessed.” you grin.

“Language and I do not condone this choice.” Equius reprimands you as he opens something, you don’t know what but you hear the latch flick open.

“But thanks to doctor-patient-confidentiality you can’t warn anyone!” you say brightly and Equius’ deep sigh tells you that you are completely right on that. Excellent.

“Alright, I have the shot here. If you wanted to listen to music instead of paying attention to this then you’re welcome, just give me a thumbs up when I tap your shoulder and you can’t feel me touching your cheek.” Equius warns you, it’s not your first rodeo so you just nod and put your headphones in and let the guy do his work.

You’re not a squeamish guy, your upbringing pretty much made sure of that. Not to mention that in your job you’ve had to be medically trained and that requires a decently strong stomach. All the same there’s a certain amount of… yeah, when it’s your own face you’d rather not pay more attention to someone working than you have to.

Eventually Equius does need your input and squeezes your shoulder in the agreed upon way to bring you back into focus.

“I can’t feel my nose and my lips feel weird.” you tell him.

“Your tongue feels fine though?” he checks, you run your tongue against your teeth and nod.

“Good, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself. Usual calibration if you please. Vertical axis please, up to twelve… yes, good. Down to six… good. Across to nine and, yes, over to three.” Equius instructs you.

Equius flickers into focus at once, leaving you blinking away the sudden shock of vision.

“Got it.” you tell him.

“Excellent, how does the focus look? Change from my finger to the far wall?” Equius instructs you, holding his finger near the tip of your nose.

You focus on it seeing the haze of his finger through the thin latex, shifting your gaze everything in the distance immediately sharpens into perfect focus.

“All good.” you say.

Equius leans in with his little medical device, you’re not sure what it’s called. He takes a good look into your eyes and gets you to do a certain amount of looking in every direction. When he’s done he leans back in his chair and presses the intercom button.

“Docterrorist Mitzin, could you open your door for just a moment?” he asks as he presses the button to open his door too.

“Right now? Sure.” the crackly voice down the line says.

The hospital section that you’re in is set out in a sort of hoofbeastshoe shape and from Equius’ open door you can see the other wing on the other side of the building section. Your focus sharpens as a door across that side opens.

“Could you read the bottom line for me, Dave?” Equius asks, his finger still on the intercom button.

You focus, the distant office sharpening so much you could be standing in the room.

“P, E, Z, O, L, C, F, T, D.” you read the letters out.

“Goddamn.” the docterrorist down the line mutters.

“Thank you Mitzin.” Equius takes his finger off of the button and shuts his door again.

“No problems focusing back to this room?” Equius checks.

“Nope, everything’s perfect.” you nod.

“Wonderful. Same advice as usual. Don’t put anything in your eyes, do not attempt to put any makeup or anything of the sort on your eyes until the feeling comes back, just don’t be foolish. You’re cleared for duty any time past 1600, but I know that Nepeta doesn’t have you working until tomorrow.” Equius says casually, he knows that you’re not an idiot with your eyes but he has to give the warnings all the same.

“Good to know, thanks again.” you say gratefully and hop onto your feet.

Bec gets up eagerly, his tail wagging to see you moving about again. You give Equius a lazy and entirely unneeded salute and he waves you goodbye with the appropriate paperwork appended to your file. You take Bec to the park and throw a stick for him to fetch for a while. You can tell when he starts to get bored with the game when each time you throw the stick he brings back a different stick and then starts finding bigger and bigger ones just to see what he can get away with. Bec is far too clever for his own good.

You drop your beloved dog back to the Captain’s room since he spends most of his time with her these days and after that you head back to your hive.

When you slip into your hive you pause at the doorway, Sollux is floating your loungeplank off of the floor but his attention is on Hal’s open respiteblock door. Sollux’s attention is entirely on Hal’s laughter, so much so that it’s only when Hal steps back into the main room that either of them notices you and it’s Hal who spots you first.

“Hey, you’re back.” Hal beams.

“Fuck, I always forget how quiet you are.” Sollux says with a jump as he realises that you’re there at all.

“Ninja skills.” you and Hal say at exactly the same time, in the same tone.

Sollux gives you both a weird look and shakes his head.

“Where do you want this? Not that I mind levitating your furniture for ages but you probably had somewhere in mind.” Sollux asks Hal, gesturing to the aforementioned floating furniture.

“Uh, just over there against the wall. I need to get the chairs out.” Hal answers.

Hal moves to press a panel on the wall which pops open to reveal the folding chairs neatly stowed inside. Without needing to be asked you take the ones that Hal hands you and start unfolding them and tossing them roughly in the direction of where they need to be.

“Is this place going to be big enough for your whole family to do a game night?” Sollux asks as he eyes up the chair assembly line that you and Hal have going.

“It’s not the whole family. Dad, Jane and June aren’t supposed to come and we don’t bring partners. Dad was very insistent that when we got here we had a Strider only family tradition so it became this.” Hal explains.

Dad was so sweet to you back then, he still is but you just weren’t used to it as a kid. He didn’t want you to lose the identity of the family you were even as you became part of his family. He always tried to preserve your cultural identity as well as sharing his own with you. He focused on the food and the music, shit he learnt Spanish for the wedding and even thinking about that puts you at risk of testing Equius’ warning about the change of colour in your tears.

“Wait, if it’s Striders only then why am I in this?” Sollux asks in alarm.

“We’re not making you stay out of a game night happening in the hive you live in.” you tell him.

“I can just stay in my block, it’s not a big deal. I don’t want to intrude.” Sollux says hastily.

“Too bad, we’ve invited you. Also the question was brought before the Strider council and we all voted that you’re going to play. If you wanted a vote you should have thought of that before not being a Strider. Really this is on you.” Hal tells him primly.

“Dirk has been told to not be a dick.” you add helpfully.

Sollux looks at you and then Hal suspiciously.

“Does that work?” he asks.

“Oh, no.” you say flatly.

“Not even once has that ever worked.” Hal nods.

“Why did I ever agree to live here?” Sollux wonders.

Hal doesn’t seem to have an answer to that but he does have a folded up chair so he gives Sollux that. Hey, it’s something, right?

“We’re probably going to play card games, just normal shit like poker and whatever. Maybe cheat.” Hal says as he pulls the game table out of a different cupboard set into the wall.

“Aw, man. I hate cheat. I almost never win.” you complain.

“Because you’re a shit liar.” Hal retorts with a laugh.

“I don’t know cheat, what’s cheat?” Sollux asks curiously as he helps Hal set the table out and unfold it properly.

“So you get two decks of cards since it’s gonna be the six of us, you deal all the cards out to everyone equally. So then the first player can put down a number of cards, between one and four but you have to play something. You put them face down and say what it is like… three three’s or something. Then if Dave was next he’d have to put down either twos, threes or fours down.” Hal explains.

“The thing is you can lie about what you’ve put down so if there’s only eight fours in two decks and I’ve got five and you say you’re putting four down I know you’re lying. So then someone calls you on your shit, your cards are turned over and if you lied you pick them all up. You go until someone, usually Rose, is all out of cards.” you finish explaining.

“Rose just sapped all your card skills from you in the womb huh?” Hal teases.

“That’s definitely how that works with human pregnancies.” you say flatly.

“Makes sense, weird mammal reproduction. I buy that.” Sollux nods.

“I bet you thought you’d get less shit in this hive with Rose moving out.” Hal says slyly.

You didn’t actually expect that, you agreed to this for reasons entirely unrelated to how much Rose gets your metaphorical goat. Would it be a nice perk to not always be mocked in your own home? Perhaps, but you’ve never experienced that so how the hell would you know?

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like this, man.” you say to Sollux instead of any of that.

“You will also be feeling complete defeat as well as betrayal. Card games aren’t my normal kind of game but I’m the best there is at games. I’m sure Hal can tell you about that.” Sollux says with a mean smile.

“I regret ever being friends with you.” Hal says flatly and walks back to his room to get snacks that you suppose he bought earlier.

“Dave, have you heard about the time I absolutely destroyed him in Mortal Kombat?” Sollux asks innocently.

Hal glares daggers at him over an armful of drinks bottles and you smell blood in the water.

“Gosh, you know it’s the strangest thing, I absolutely have not. You definitely need to tell me in detail right now.” you say as earnestly as you can possibly manage to.

Hal’s frustrated scream delights you and you absolutely don’t bring it up when the rest of your siblings arrive for game night. Surely not. Nooooo, never.

As everyone gets settled they all ask for their drinks and Sollux helps Hal with them as you go get the cards from Hal’s room. As you’re sliding them out of the pack you just catch Sollux’s quiet conversation with Hal, that good hearing of yours helping you out again.

“So… none of you drink, like… ever?” Sollux asks in a whisper.

“No, none of us. Our… our mom had a real problem with alcohol and out of all of us only Roxy tried booze and it started to be a real problem for her. She stopped before it got anywhere really bad and me and Dirk agreed we never would and the twins followed suit. Aside from Roxy none of us have ever had any alcohol ever.” Hal says back quietly.

“It’s not a problem I just don’t want to… you know.” Sollux mutters.

You step out of Hal’s room with the cards in your hand, acting like you never heard a thing.

“Hal was saying about cheat and Sollux’s never played so we’re doing that. And I’m shuffling because you guys aren’t trustworthy.” you inform your siblings that are already sat at the table.

“I can’t believe you’d say that.” Dirk says flatly.

“I’ve never been more offended in my life.” Rose agrees just as emotionless.

“You’re just talking shit because we’re going to destroy you.” Roxy grins.

“Oh yeah?” you say back as you shuffle.

“Yeah.” Roxy nods.

“Oh yeah?” you say again.

This goes on long enough for drinks to be dispensed to each person and for Hal and Sollux to have sat down.

“YEAH.” Roxy says loudly.

“OH YEAH?” you demand back.

“Shut your face hole and deal.” Sollux insists from his place at your immediate left.

“Since you asked so nicely.” you say and start flicking cards across the table.

It doesn’t take long at all for you to get the two decks divvied out between everyone and when you deal the last card out you gesture for Sollux to start, since he was so impatient. Naturally everyone has to sort their cards out, except for Roxy who refuses to ever do that for maximum chaos. You sort yours by suit so it’s orderly to you but confusing for everyone else, a middle ground in the extremes.

“I do not have enough hands for this. Uh… three jacks. I’m right in guessing that aces loop everything, right?” Sollux asks Hal as he sets three cards down.

“Cheat.” Dirk says before Sollux even takes his hand off of the cards, he only just beats Rose to calling it.

“Wow, it’s the guy’s first time and you two can’t even be gentle.” you tut.

“Definitely Dirk first though.” Roxy nods.

“I haven’t- I’m the only person who’s played, you’ve no way of knowing anything!” Sollux protests.

“Yes, but if you were to cheat this is a relatively risk free time to try, you also covered up your play by asking a question on game mechanics.” Rose adds.

“You’ve gotta turn your cards over.” you tell Sollux.

Sollux looks annoyed but flips his hand over to show a random spread of three cards and not one of them is a jack.

“My turn.” Hal says as Sollux shuffles his cards back into his hand.

“Two aces.” Hal says setting them down.

“Three aces.” Dirk follows.

“Thanks, just make this super hard if anyone wants to go back around again, cool. Geez, ok… three twos, we’ll go low.” Roxy says and puts her cards on the pile.

“One ace. How is married life treating you then, Dirk?” Rose asks.

“How is that not suspicious? If me talking was enough to get people to call me a cheat why not Rose?” Sollux asks.

“You’re welcome to call it.” you say lightly as you shift through your cards, your fingers graze over a king and an ace but instead you move to pick a three up.

“If you’re going to call you have to do it before Dave puts a card down. And it’s fine, having a wedding doesn’t technically change anything.” Dirk answers.

“Are you gonna?” you check with Sollux.

Sollux stares Rose down but crumbles and shakes his head in resignation.

“A’ight, one king.” you say and set your three face down on the pile.

“Cheat.” Rose says before your fingers even lose your card.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to play this game, it’s not fair.” you protest and flip the card over to show that you were, in fact, lying.

“How did you know?” Sollux asks as you scoop the other cards up, barely any of them are what they’re supposed to be.

“He was hedging too much, trying to get you to call Rose because he didn’t have the card.” Hal says all smugly.

“I blame the dealer.” you say wisely and slot the cards into your hand in the right place.

“Right, so I can start anywhere now?” Sollux checks and ends up playing three sevens and so the game goes on.

“So, Sollux, how are you finding living with my brothers?” Rose asks.

“It’s… fine. Never really had hivemates before so it’s kind of weird but it’s kind of nice being able to play games in person with Hal.” Sollux answers as Hal states his cards and sets them down.

“And me.” you add.

“He’s just not that into you, Dave.” Hal says with a mean little smile.

“No, that wasn’t what I meant. You two are never going to let this go, are you?” Sollux groans, putting his face in his hands and pushing his glasses into his hair in the process.

“Every day my heart shatters anew.” you sniff.

“Three nines, what’s this? Tell me, I have to know.” Dirk asks.

“When Dave was moving Sollux in Sollux told him that they weren’t friends.” Hal says wickedly.

“The tears just won’t stop.” you sniff.

“Poor baby! Four tens.” Roxy says, playing her cards.

“Cheat.” you say just before Dirk gets there.

Roxy curses and picks up the cards.

“Look, no, it wasn’t like that. I was just- me and Hal are friends, we’d hung out together before all of this a bunch of times. I was willing to do him that stupid favour but it’s like… I meant the difference between being actively friends and just part of the same friend group.” Sollux insists.

“Like you and me.” Rose says.

“Yes, exactly.” Sollux says in relief.

Rose presses a hand to her chest and sucks in a trembling breath, her eyes flood with unshed tears as she looks at him.

“You… you mean we’re not friends?” Rose whimpers.

Sollux’s expression is somewhere between horror and rage all at once.

“Oh my god your fucking face.” Roxy wheezes, banging her fist on the table.

“Rose that was unsporting. Holy shit I’m actually kind of upset that I don’t live here to watch this on a daily basis.” Dirk says with a shake of his head.

“I’ll start a newsletter.” Hal assures him with a reassuring pat on his shoulder.

“I officially hate all Striders, you all suck.” Sollux hisses.

“Naw, you love us. Rose, play already.” you say and pat Sollux reassuringly on the back.

Teasing Sollux is one thing but you don’t want to actually upset him. He elbows you in the side but his expression has shifted to something more like fond exasperation. Rose states her cards and with a moment’s thought you do the same.

“Oh, guess what? Dave showed Sollux Mad Snacks Yo.” Hal says proudly.

Sollux reads out his cards as Dirk stares at him, Rose and Roxy are both rolling their eyes but you’re delighted for what’s to come.

“What did you think?” Dirk asks slowly.

Sollux shoots you a look but you don’t know if your expression of anticipation is helpful.

“That I have no idea how anyone made a game that bad, like it’s a kind of inverse skill. A bad game just won’t run but this runs so fantastically terribly that it’s a whole new thing. It’s a horrible eldritch art. I’m amazed, it’s great.” Sollux tells him honestly.

“I blame you for this.” Hal adds helpfully.

“Don’t care. I’m calling it, I like this one, we’re keeping him.” Dirk nods.

“Thhhhhaaanks?” Sollux says slowly and uncertainly.

“Oh boy. Two nines.” Hal says.

“Cheat.” Sollux says instantly.

“Fuck you too.” Hal grumbles as he scrapes the cards towards himself.

It’s really nice to see Sollux starting to relax into things with your family, you know you can be a lot. You also hope it’s something of a distraction from Aradia.

“Wait, no, no, I can count to eight, Dave. No way you’re putting two sixes down, there should only be one left. Cheat!” Roxy accuses you later.

“We’re assuming Rose wasn’t cheating?” Sollux snorts.

“If you are so sure about that, why didn’t you call me on it?” Rose asks sweetly.

“That’s what she wants you to do.” Dirk advises.

“The point is… two sixes, eat it.” you grin at Roxy as you flip your cards over.

“So your strategy is to play as truthfully as possible to make other people pick up.” Sollux says thoughtfully as he looks at you over his shrinking hand of cards.

“I’m not as good of a liar as some people at this table, it’s the only choice I have.” you smile.

Your palmhusk chimes loudly startling you and Sollux both.

“Hey, no calls.” Hal protests.

“It’s emergency services, I don’t know why they’d call me. Keep playing.” you say distractedly and answer the call.

“Strider.” you answer.

“Dave, it’s Kuprum. Vikare’s outside the ship doing maintenance and I had to patch in because there was tech weirdness but he’s… he’s talking weird. It might be nothing but after everything you said and he’s near your hive’s section of the ship...” Kuprum says uneasily.

“He’s outside right now?” you ask as a sinking feeling starts to take hold of you.

“Yeah, at the arrays.” Kurprum confirms.

“I’m on my way to the airlock, patch me in.” you tell Kuprum as you quickly get up from the table.

The others are asking you what’s wrong as you hurry out of the front door.

“Patching.” Kuprum says and the call beeps for a moment or two as you run down the corridor.

“Officer Ratite, are you there?” you ask sharply.

You shoulder through a doorway and hear the faint exhale in your ear.

“Vikare!” you snap.

“Dave?” Vikare asks, his voice hazy.

“Yes, Vikare I need you to tell me where you are right now and what you’re doing.” you insist as you hurry down two flights of stairs and sprint for the airlock down the hall.

“I was just mending the… the array. It’s nothing but… have you seen the stars tonight?” Vikare breathes.

No, no, no.

“Which array? I need the serial number on that, read that to me.” you tell him, not that you need it at all but you need him to look at something close by.

You burst into the airlock antechamber and kick your shoes off. You snag a suit of your size from the locker and scramble into it all while your palmhusk on speaker plays you Vikare’s distant voice.

“The array?” he asks.

“Yes, the array you were working on. It has a number and I need it.” you insist, smoothing the seal up your chest.

You tap the palmhusk to your chest and everything immediately synchs. You jam the helmet on your head, twist and seal it.

“It’s almost certainly in the logs, you can look that sort of thing… up. Oh…” Vikare says dreamily.

You snap one glove on then another, twist and lock the helmet on, pressurise the suit. Pressure stable.

“Vikare I’m coming out there and you can show me in person.” you tell him as you dash into the airlock, the door slams shut behind you and the airlock depressurises for a moment and the external doors open.

The great yawning expanse of the universe opens up before you but you ignore it. Instead you grab hold of the edge of the airlock and swing yourself out.

“Show you… yes. There’s so much I can show you, the endless possibility of the great wide yonder. I can see-” Vikare breathes.

“Vikare! I am ordering you to turn around and come back to the airlock this instant.” you bark out the order, you’re not officially that much higher than him but you outrank him in other ways.

“No… you don’t understand.” Vikare protests.

You kick and pull your way along the outside of the ship as fast as you can, you can go faster this way than with the propulsion system set into your suit and fast is what you want.

“It’s beautiful out here.” he says dreamily and your eyes sharpen on the distant figure of Vikare as he untethers himself from the ship.

You’re not tethered but you know what the fuck you’re doing.

“Vikare! Tether back on IMMEDIATELY!” you shout.

Vikare twists, turning slowly in the vacuum of space and the shine of light off of his helmet is pure reflected white. His suit is shining like a lens flare and no matter how much your eyes are set up to deal with brightness at low contrast he’s barely more than a cut out figure. As if reality was a screen held up between you and the brightest possible light and someone had made Vikare out of pinpricks poked through it.

You shout his name again, flashing as fast as you can through the dark to cut the time down to him but it’s no use. His hands reach up to his helmet.

“I can see it all.” He breathes softly.

His hands jerk and Vikare’s helmet comes free. The sudden loss of pressure and his suit’s desperate attempts to pressurise the entire rest of the universe launches Vikare backwards, slamming his body through the array he’d been repairing and then bouncing out into open space.

You shout back to control what’s happening and what you’re doing but it’s all autopilot, instead you focus on launching yourself off of the ship and into space after him you correct your velocity and trajectory with your suit’s own propulsion but there’s only so much you can do.

What happens to the body when it’s suddenly exposed to the vastness of space and a zero pressure environment is both something that TV and movies used to think about but it’s something you’ve seen first hand twice now. Liquid boils at zero pressure, the air is ripped from your lungs and it’s…

Your suit has a secondary breathing mask to assist in the event of a disaster. The idea is that you’d be able to plug it over someone else’s helmet and repressurise them as you wait for an assist. It does nothing for the rest of Vikare, exposed as he is to the vacuum of space. You press the mask to his face hoping to force air into his lungs, but you don’t have any hope of it helping.

At the proximity to his suit you can see his vitals and the across the board flatline of his vitals. He can’t hear you, even if you were anywhere near his helmet to put it back on him, all the air in his inner ear is blown out. Also, he’s dead. Still, you let your suit’s propulsion carry you back to the ship as you hold the supplementary mask to Vikare’s face and stare into his all white eyes and quietly sing to him. For him.

Your suit is bleeding oxygen and you can hear that the rest of the emergency team is rushing to you but you don’t take your eyes off of the body. Instead you sing of waves and the journey as Vikare’s clumsy directionless hands bump against your own helmet.

The emergency crew pull you both to the raft and start trying to revive him, for all the good it’ll do. Another shuts down your supplementary line and when you’re through the airlock and on the emergency track to the hospital they take your suit off of you and check you over as well.

Your palmhusk’s transferred display shows on the shed suit front that pools at your hips and you open the channel you need.

Laika: unbalanced
Pagliacci: wAs ThAt YoU?
Burke: Balancing_now,_hold_for_update.

The docterrorists check you over, you’re fine. If you’d kept your mask on Vikare for another half hour you’d have had a real problem but you’re fine, just a little shaken up. As per protocol you have to sit there with Nepeta to write an incident report and some random headshrinker to listen in and then assess you.

“From the beginning, if you please. Take your time.” the shrink says gently.

Your turn your focus to Nepeta.

“Kuprum called me saying that Vikare was out there and he was sounding strange. Not enough to warrant calling the EMS for, there weren’t any tech problems with his suit as far as Kuprum told me. I live near the airlock that Vikare was near so I agreed to go out there and see. Vikare seemed disoriented and confused and I tried to get him to focus on the ship and wait for me to get there. I can only assume there was a leak in his suit somewhere, either he was getting poisoned with his old air or the suit had a slow leak in it that the o2 system wasn’t covering, I don’t know. I got in sight of him and his helmet came off, the force of the decompression threw him around. I made intercept but his suit already read that he was dead, I kept air on him anyway but he was DOA when we got him aboard.” you say simply.

“That’s terribly traumatic, Dave.” the headshrinker says with faux sympathy.

“I’ve seen it before. I know I did everything that I could, it all happened so fast. I just feel bad for Vikare.” you answer, balancing honesty with simplicity.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Nepeta says gently.

“I know.” you state as you meet her gaze.

It wasn’t your fault.

“This must be especially troubling for you though, Dave. I know that sailors are often aware of the risks of the job but death by decompression seems like it would be a personal sore spot with your father.” the shrink pronounces the word a little oddly, like the concept of a father is unfamiliar to her.

It was to you as well for a while.

“This isn’t anything like that. Vikare’s death was a mistake, it’s not the same. You can ask my regular docterrorist about it, I’m all fine with that. This isn’t bringing up anything, I don’t see it as the same at all.” you tell her quite simply.

The scrape of Bro’s boots on the ridged edge of the airlock, the hiss of the sealing door. His shape, blurry but there…

“I feel terrible that this happened to Vikare, he was a good person but accidents happen. I’m probably going to check my gear a lot more carefully for a while and maybe have a few bad dreams but an accident is way different from an execution. But I take your point, I’ll bring it up with my regular therapist when I see him. I’m sure he’ll want to clear me in a good time before the next mission.” you smile like you’re trying to look on the bright side.

“Well, all the same I’ll be writing a recommendation that you have a few days off at least and I’ll forward all this information onto your regular practitioner.” the docterrorist nods slowly.

“I…” you falter long enough to waver slightly and then nod with your eyes downcast, “thanks doc, I appreciate it. I’ll be fine, wish I could say the same for him.”

The docterrorist stands and sets a hand on your shoulder.

“It wasn’t your fault.” she says, her blueblood eyes all compassionate and genuine.

You nod, small but there and give a small forced looking smile.

The docterrorist bids her goodbyes to you and to Nepeta both. You wait for a few moments until you see her leave through a distant door and let your ‘soldiering on bravely through it’ expression drop.

“It’s not my fault.” you say coldly to Nepeta.

“What really happened?” Nepeta asks quietly.

“He pulled his fucking helmet off somehow and kept clawing at me after. I TOLD you that he wasn’t safe, I told you not to take him out of the ship and you let him stay cleared for external work? I fucking warned you and now tomorrow we’re going to have to bury him. What’re we going to do for Somnos now?” you demand angrily.

“I know, I-” Nepeta falters and looks down at her hands.

“You need to talk to Aradia. Jade’s trying to talk her around but-” you start.

“I don’t need you to tell me how to do my job. I still outrank you. I had other concerns and I didn’t see that this was going to be as big of a risk as it turned out to be but you don’t know everything.” Nepeta tells you, her voice firm.

“Am I dismissed?” you ask her, your voice stiff.

“Dismissed, Strider. I’ll send you the details of the funeral.” Nepeta says quietly.

You turn and march right out of there without so much as looking back for a second.

The journey back to your hive is done more or less on autopilot as you strive very diligently to think of nothing at all. You walk back through the door and it’s Sollux who gets to his feet first but your siblings are right after.

“We’ve been trying to get in touch with you, you didn’t answer our messages!” Roxy says sharply, panic and concern heavy in her tone.

Oh. Right. You synced your palmhusk to your suit but left the actual device in the airlock antechamber, you didn’t pick it back up when you went past with Vikare’s body on the stretcher.

“Sorry, I… left it behind.” you apologise.

“Who died? I heard someone die real close and they thought about you.” Sollux asks.

“What?” you blurt out as you stare at him.

“Sollux has psionics, one of them is hearing people’s thoughts just before they die. He has to be kind of close to do it but… didn’t you know about that?” Hal asks.

You shake your head, this is a bad time to joke about not knowing enough about Sollux because you’re not friends.

“It was, uh… Vikare was out there and acting weird so I got a call, went to check on him. I tried to get there as fast as I could but.” you falter.

Vikare’s hands on his helmet, turning, it was no accident.

“His helmet came off. He died.” you explain.

“You saw… oh.” Rose’s expression goes distant and shuts down, no doubt remembering the last time you both saw your father.

It’s probably worse for her, she saw every detail from where the two of you were hiding. You don’t talk about it.

“What? But helmets can’t come off outside the ship, they have to pass through an airlock to have unlocking as an option at all. It’s a safety feature.” Dirk insists.

“Must have been a malfunction, especially if he was already acting loopy it could have been affecting his O2 as well. Jesus, Dave I’m so sorry.” Roxy whispers that last part.

Rose shakes her head and seems to come back to herself, she draws a deep breath in and crosses the distance to hug you tightly.

“It’s not your fault.” she says gently.

“I know.” you agree sadly.

You wish dearly that you could have done more but you did all you could. From the time you were alerted to the problem it was already too late, it was just that neither of you knew that then. You shudder a little and pull back from Rose.

“I think I’m gonna… gonna get my palmhusk and stay with Jade. I just want to not think, you know?” you say quietly to her.

“I understand that. Call me if you need me.” Rose says gently and squeezes your hand, the last point of contact between you two.

You let her go and wander mindlessly out of your hive, retracing your steps to the airlock. There’s an incident team there, there always is if someone dies unexpectedly. On a ship like this you have to be aware of equipment malfunctions or disease outbreaks, you have to get on things fast. They’re not equipped for what really happened but they don’t know that.

“I left my palmhusk, can I…?” you say and point at it.

One of the staff jolts, recognising you and spotting your ID hanging around your neck. They give you your palmhusk back and you leave. You glance down at trollian real quick, your last channel is still open.

Pagliacci: lAiKa OfFlInE i GuEsS
Pagliacci: I gOt It
Burke: We’re_fine.
Megalodon: i have no idea what nepeta is going to say about this
Megalodon: i should have seen this sooner i was out and distracted
Pagliacci: CaN’t Be UnDoNe We JuSt GoTtA dEaL

They don’t need you, you message Jade instead.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: jade can i stay with you
GG: dave! of course!
GG: oh wait uh maybe not
GG: i might be... somewhat drunk
TG: i really dont care
GG: its just that i was out with aradia trying to cheer her up and we had a few drinks and you dont and i dont want to upset you
TG: cool i just saw a guy die i dont care how off your face you are right now as long as you can type thats sober enough for me
GG: wait, what?
GG: dave are you serious?
TG: vikare
GG: holy shit. okay yeah im sobering up not that i was that bad but yeah come over, god. are you okay?
TG: im fine ill be there in a bit ok

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

You get to her place like gravity itself pulled you there. For all you know you slid across the floors, the ship’s gravity rewired as you pinballed from floor to wall on your way. Your focus is stuck in that moment. It’s not that your mind is dark or that it’s gone to dark places, you’re familiar with that but it’s the brightness. The light reflecting burning bright off of Vikare’s suit, the totally white surface of his eyes after anything that you could call life had been burned away.

There’s bile in your throat but you’ve been through too much space training to throw up, it’s an urge they very much train out of you. No one wants that on a rocket launch. You’re good, you’re okay, you’re-

“Dave?”

You blink. Jade is in the doorway of her hive giving you a worried look.

“You didn’t ring the bell, the sensor said you’d been standing there for a while.” Jade says, her tone uneasy.

“Sorry. Spaced out.” you laugh weakly and smile even though you know it’s unconvincing.

Jade slides her arm around you and guides you into her hive, you kick off your boots again and fall onto the bed. Jade takes a seat on her desk chair and gives you a very concerned if slightly hazy look.

“I’m so sorry. Do… do you want to talk about it?” Jade asks.

“What can I say? He didn’t deserve that, it wasn’t my fault, I did what I could, he’s still dead. That’s all I can say.” you shrug.

Jade frowns for a moment as she combs her fingers through her hair, separating out one section to glide her fingers through in particular.

“Would you rather talk about something else to distract you or do you just want to go to bed?” she asks.

“Tell me how your night was and get ready for bed at the same time?” you suggest.

Jade nods and flips her hair forward to gather it on the top of her head.

“I was out with Aradia, like I said. She seemed a little…” Jade sighs and flips back upright again, winding her hair around until she can grab a scrunchie and contain it.

“She seemed really lonely I think. She was saying how she missed Sollux, which I can understand if you’ve lived with someone for so long then not living with them is strange. But the way she talked about it was like she’d been lonely for a long time.” Jade says sadly.

“I don’t know how that can just happen.” you say a little numbly as Jade walks past you to the bathroom.

You go in there after her and go to unzip the back of her dress for her. Out of reflex she moves to pull her hair away but of course she’s already tied it up.

“I mean I guess the hard thing is that when you’re with someone it’s like… like you just assume you’re a certain way and things slip and you focus on work instead and grow up and…” Jade trails off as her dress slips to the tiled floor.

She turns around to look at you and reaches back to unhook her bra, in the spirit of being helpful you pick up her dress for her.

“I just tried to get her to have a good time at least. Like you said nothing I said could undo what she’s been through so there’s no point agonising about it. We talked about work, what we’re excited for on the next planet.” Jade says in a voice that’s a little brighter.

She tosses you her bra and underwear which you dump over the back of her desk chair and toss in the laundry respectively. The sound of the shower running fills the air so you go back in there and watch her washing her face under the spray.

You hope the mission will still go ahead without Vikare but you don’t know, they’ll have to get someone to replace him but you don’t know who. Nepeta had considered your brothers at one point but neither of them pass the physical for it. Roxy’s been to space before on a space station set up much like they’re doing this next time, she’s already in the meetings. Maybe they’ll try to rope her into doing more, you don’t know. You don’t think they’ll clear her for planetside though and with Somnos as it is you don’t know how helpful she would be remotely.

“What’re you looking forward to?” you ask her.

“Mm, the plant life is pretty dull from what we’ve seen from Liberty’s reports. I mean, ice planet, duh. The fauna is cooler but we’ve not got the time to see about taking enough samples to make a reasonable replicable stock for meat production or even seeing if they’re viable for us to eat.” Jade shrugs, you watch soap bubbles slide slickly down her back.

It’s better if you focus on details. You watch her fingers run over her skin and spread the soap lather around, better to think of that than Vikare.

“Obviously what we’re really hoping for is that when we’re drilling we dig up remains of an ancient society! Stone tablets, buried bones, fossil record, the works!” Jade giggles as she turns around in the shower to face you.

“You’re so smart.” you say because it’s true, she really is.

“Aww, babe.” Jade grins a little sloppily drunk but still lovingly.

Maybe she’s not that drunk, you don’t think she is but you’re not really used to whatever Jade’s tolerance is. You don’t have a personal problem with alcohol like the others do but your general experience with booze these days is either around people socially drinking, commiserating/celebrating something, or people taking the edge off. Seeing people absolutely shitfaced is more annoying than intimidating to you.

Everyone deals with that shit differently. Your mom was a functioning alcoholic. Subatomic, string theory, relativity can sit there in a corner and cry kind of science were all done halfway through a bottle of something nearly medical grade. Your mom looking actually drunk was a sign that she was really far gone and no one liked that. As far as your siblings are concerned your mom was fine when she was sober or only slightly drunk but was only mean when she was really drunk. The negative association makes sense.

It’s just not how you feel. It’s easier to act like it is and go along with what the others think. You only drink around work people anyway and even then it’s not like your mom used to.

She probably still drinks like that, huh? Even if they don’t let her have booze wherever she is you bet she gets it, she made moonshine in your kitchen sink once, she’d manage it.

“Dave?” Jade jars you back into the present.

Probably shouldn’t be thinking about your alcoholic mother when you’re watching your girlfriend shower. That’s another thing you’re not bringing up to your mandated therapist. You’ve got to have one to prove that you’re sane enough for missions (how the fuck Gamzee passes you don’t know) but you reeeeally don’t want that discussion. Not that it’d even stop you from flying, it’d just make the doctor pity you and technically be airing mutual dirty laundry to one of Rose’s colleagues.

“Sorry. I tuned out for a minute there, just thinking. It’s rare, I know.” you joke, it falls a little flat.

“What were you thinking about?” she asks cautiously watching for your reaction.

“Just about alcohol. About Mom.” you say honestly and Jade’s face twists with guilt.

“I’m sorry-” she starts.

“No, really, I’d rather be here. Plus you didn’t know all this was gonna happen. It’s fine. My mind just wandered weird places. Look, I’ll shower now you’re out and we can sleep.” you offer.

“If you’re sure.” Jade says gently and steps out of the shower fully to dry herself off.

You shuck your own clothes quickly and step in the shower, washing without paying much attention. It feels better to be clean, to smell of her soap instead of the assorted scents of science and medicine. You’re pretty averse to medical stuff, which would surprise people because of the whole eye thing and being a sailor. But you’ve got a nice workaround. Equius is a friend from school, he’s Nepeta’s moirail for forever and you trust the guy so you don’t mind being in his care because it’s chill. When you have to get your regular pre-flight physicals you can seek out your sister, Jane’s not really supposed to treat family but just checking that your blood is ok, that your blood pressure is cool and putting you through a few machines isn’t much. Beyond that you avoid anything medical or science-y as much as you can.

You’re not a fan of having your reactions to everything carefully observed like a squeakbeast in a maze. You’re no fucking test subject or object of study and investigation. Fuck that noise.

No, you’d much rather be under the care of a friend, a family member and at worst an easily manipulated stranger. Your mandated therapist isn’t hard to lie to, people for some reason forget that you and Rose have shared space your entire lives. You play the same instruments, think in similar ways and you didn’t share a hive and at several points a block with her when she was studying for her job without learning how to fake diagnostically normal.

...Great, your mind has gone to weird places again. Whatever. You smack the tap to stop the water, ignoring the little timer set into the wall to remind you how much you’re using. You step out and scrub yourself dry, or dry enough at least. Jade always has some of your clothes that are good enough to sleep in stashed at her place so you change and slip under the sheets with her.

“I love you.” you say softly against her bare shoulder.

“Love you too.” Jade says back and reaches over to stroke your damp hair with her fingers, it’ll probably dry funny and you’ll have to fix it tomorrow.

That’s a problem for tomorrow’s you. The you right now is curled up around Jade in bed, sharing body heat and the emotional comfort of someone who’s okay with the bits of you that aren’t.

Chapter Text

Dave Strider is a fucking liar.

What galls you is how everyone insists that he’s not, how Dave has this front of a poker face that isn’t convincing to anyone and so people just accept that he’s bad at deception. He isn’t. You saw in that game how Dave just let himself get caught out on obvious lies, tells visible for all to see and you bought it too. Right up until you happened to lean just so and saw him put down a hand of utter nonsense and claim it was something else.

No one reacted and so you let it go, curious to see what would happen and you saw it. The difference between the Dave who is a terrible liar and has a paper thin poker face to the actual Dave underneath. He lied over and over and none of his siblings noticed at all. When he had to leave the alarm on his face was honest enough but when he returned he lied to you all again.

You heard that guy die. You heard his last thoughts, that he wanted to take his helmet off and be free among the stars. He was weird and out of it but he took his helmet off, you heard his thoughts right through doing it, you heard him think that he had done it and then you heard him die.

Or, no, he didn’t even lie. He said Vikare’s helmet came off and the others deduced that it was some kind of accident or failure and you watched him watch them come to that conclusion and left them there.

Dave left after that and understandably game night came to an abrupt halt so you’re left in your block thinking about Dave. If it was just classified then he could have said that, but he didn’t. He’s hiding something and he’s good at it too. You’ve known Dave for years and you’d thought he was just a somewhat insecure guy with a front that said otherwise. That’s no big deal, the same goes for Karkat who pretends to have his shit together and inside is incredibly sensitive. Neither of those are well kept secrets but the idea that Dave has this second mask that you didn’t know about means that you now desperately need to know what’s going on there.

It’s not like he’s here to ask him, you can’t challenge him on it and it’d probably be a shitty thing to do anyway. Dave might have been lying about how Vikare died but he was clearly shaken by it. No, if you want information you’re going to have to be more roundabout in how you get it and since computers are your skillset that’s where you’re going.

You look up everything about Vikare Ratite.

His HR file isn’t terribly hard to hack into and it gives you enough to read through. He’s a few years older than you, works in tech and external ship maintenance but also general repair guy for a lot of the bots that work on the ship. Applied to be a sailor… whoa, applied multiple times actually. He’s never been accepted and judging by the timeline you think his work shifted to outside the ship so that he could show that he was capable of working in space. A year ago he got put on the reserve list for sailors but he’s still never gone anyway.

You frown as you read, he was assigned to the upcoming mission to Somnos. That’s… weird. It felt to you like Vikare willingly took his helmet off, it was intentional, you’re sure of it. But it sounds like all he wanted was to be a sailor and it’s really odd that he’d be this close to his dream and suddenly decide to space himself.

Could it be foul play then? Looking through his HR records there’s no hint that he had a grudge to anyone or anyone held one against him. His work performance evaluations list him as being an enthusiastic and friendly guy, no one’s ever said a bad word about him.

Curiously you look at the suit he last checked out in and trace back its maintenance history. It was checked the day before yesterday and passed every test. It wasn’t one of the standard size spacesuits, it was a custom fit for him so there shouldn’t have been any issue from that. So… what then? You felt no hint that anyone was controlling Vikare and you know what that feels like thanks to Vriska and her fucking dancestor, not that it could have been either of them because they’re god only knows how far away from you now.

You try not to think about that.

Back to Vikare. So his space suit was checked recently, he had no enemies and you didn’t feel anyone making him take the helmet off. Dirk said that helmets shouldn’t even be removable outside of an airlock and the specs you have here confirm that. So now you’ve got two questions, why did he take it off and how?

Very very carefully you sneak into his medical files. This is far beyond misdemeanor now and well into actual crime but you have to know.

You’re not medically inclined enough to understand all of the things that are noted down here in his history but his medical past seems perfectly normal. A few stomach bugs here and there, fractured a bone when he was a little kid, no allergies and a clean psych history. Nothing at all to indicate why he’d do what he did.

Vikare’s status changes abruptly from alive to deceased on your screen and after a shocked second or two you swallow your shame and open up his autopsy report. You don’t open the attached photos but as you read through the report it’s all normal. No alcohol or drugs in his blood, no head injuries, nothing amiss aside from everything you’d expect for a guy who took his helmet off outside of the ship. It looks like he broke a lot of bones just before he died but the report lists those as injuries sustained from… impact with the ship post depressurisation.

It takes a moment of thinking to work out what that means. The thing that answers it for you is remembering what happens when you inflate a balloon and let it go. Except instead of a balloon it’s a troll in a pressurised suit. You wince and feel glad that although you heard Vikare’s last moments you didn’t have to see them.

The autopsy report lists Vikare’s death as exposure to the vacuum of space, his injuries were incidental. Beyond that the medical examiner is saying that they have no reason to believe this was self inflicted and advises that this is an accidental death.

That’s just not true. You heard and felt Vikare take his helmet off, you heard how he wanted to. He was aware of Dave calling to him but he was paying so little attention to him that you didn’t hear anything Dave might have said. The point is he willingly took his helmet off, his thoughts felt screwed up but it was still deliberate. Yet there’s nothing here that would indicate that he’d do that. He wanted… something, he thought he was getting to it but you don’t understand it. There’s nothing in his blood that was picked up on like carbon monoxide poisoning or any hallucinogenic, his psych profile was disgustingly clean and at any rate it didn’t feel like he was trying to die.

But he’s still dead. He’s still dead and you heard it, Dave was there and you need to know what happened.

You slink back out of Vikare’s records as quietly as you can and do your best to erase every trace of it that you can or at least scatter the trail across the ship so it’ll be harder for anyone to pin it on you. Sleep isn’t going to happen for you, you can feel that much, so you go out into the main room.

Your next move is unclear right now. You could try asking Dave when he gets back home but he might just lie to your face. Then again if he did you could work out more of the truth from whatever he decides is worth hiding. A few hours of mindless cartoons and vague contemplation leave you in the perfect place to spot Dave from the doorway.

When the door opens you’re looking right at it, able to see Dave as he walks through.

“Dave.” you blurt out and scramble to your feet.

He seems genuinely surprised to see you there but you don’t blame him on that. Like, what are you going to do? Sinisterly turn a light on and ask him what time he calls this like you’re a dad from some old human tv show? You don’t even know if that was a thing with humans or if that’s just some odd in joke with their species. Mentally you make a note to ask Hal later.

“Why were you just-” he starts to ask.

“Couldn’t sleep. Heard a guy die, so. What about you?” you ask and Dave grimaces.

“Sorry you had to hear that. I slept some, I guess. I was at Jade’s, so.” Dave shrugs a little.

Okay, try being straightforward first.

“Look, I have to know, what happened out there?” you ask.

“I don’t know if I should say, there’s probably some investigation going but… well, you were there. I got the call, went to go check on him and… no more helmet. No more Vikare.” Dave says.

You watch him carefully for a moment. He told you a true thing making sure you know that he’s doing you a favour by telling you and then he obfuscates. Dave is an excellent liar. You’re actually kind of impressed.

“Right, I get that whatever investigation they do is going to be top secret and whatever but I heard him take his helmet off. I heard him thinking that he wanted to, that he wanted to… fly in the stars or something. I heard him think about how he’d taken it off and then something about how bright it was and then he died. That wasn’t an accident.” you say.

“Man, I’m pretty sure you already know this if your psionics can do that but you shouldn’t go around telling people that shit. But I don’t know what you want me to tell you here, I assume people think weird shit right when they’re about to die.” Dave says, all technically true.

“I want you to tell me why you’re saying this is an accident when it wasn’t.” you say bluntly.

Dave stares at you in the dim light of the room, the cartoons you were watching are muted but the light from the TV still plays on the walls around you. The moment hangs for far longer than is comfortable.

“There’ll be an investigation about it, it’ll probably be public when it’s done. I get that hearing that is messed up, as the guy who saw it I understand that. But there’s no answer here that you’re going to find that makes this whole thing better, honest to god. The best thing you can do is to just forget it.” Dave advises you quietly.

You’re pretty sure he’s being honest here, partly because he’s not telling you anything especially useful. Like, he seems sincere and all, but it’s not what you want.

“That’s not an answer.” you point out.

Dave’s expression locks down, it’s not his poker face but it’s an actual absence of any readable expression.

“I have a funeral to get ready for.” he says and walks off into his block, the door shutting before you can get in after him.

That shady bastard. You’re not letting this go, you don’t care what he says!

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: kk ii need your help
CG: WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? I'VE BEEN AWAKE ALL OF TEN MINUTES BECAUSE GAMZEE NEARLY DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED IN A GORDIAN KNOT OF BEDSHEETS THAT HAD SOMEHOW TIED US TOGETHER OVERNIGHT. I'VE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING UP AT THIS HOUR SINCE THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU AND NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM YOU BEING AWAKE AT THIS HOUR.
TA: look ii need you two meet me 2omewhere 2o we can talk
TA: you can't tell anyone
CG: SHIT. THIS REALLY IS BAD, ISN'T IT?
CG: FUCK OKAY, I'M UP JUST TELL ME WHERE AND WHEN.

You look up Vikare’s funeral which is open to the public. It’s held in one of the squares near the edge of the ship, most funerals are held there so people can attend and then the ashes of whoever it is can be jettisoned from the ship. It’s actually not that far from where you used to live so you know that you can meet Karkat at a suit shop nearby and look down at the service from one of the walkways that cross nearby on a higher level.

You stick your head out of the door when you hear Dave’s open, he’s dressed in his formal uniform and you open your mouth to ask him for an actual answer but he just says ‘no’ without looking at you and walks off out of your hive.

It doesn’t take a lot to get to where you need to go but you do your best to not actively tail Dave on the way there. You’re not nearly stupid enough to think that someone with as much survival training as he has won’t notice you very conspicuously following him from your shared hive.

Karkat is pacing outside the suit shop when you arrive there, his hair a mess and a smear of dried toothpaste at the edge of his mouth. He jumps when he sees you approach and hurries over.

“Okay, okay, how bad is this?” Karkat asks worriedly, his eyes running over you with clear concern.

“I’m fine, I’m not losing my mind. This isn’t that kind of emergency.” you hiss and beckon him to the edge of the walkway, people are gathering for the funeral below you.

“Uh… huh. Mind telling me what this is since you’re so very sane?” Karkat asks dubiously.

“You know Vikare?” you ask in a hushed breath.

Karkat’s eyes flicker to the gathering funeral below.

“I know of him, yeah. Gamzee mentioned that he died but I don’t know anything else. Please tell me you’re not trying to gatecrash someone’s funeral, please tell me that’s not what’s happening here.” Karkat groans.

“No, what? What do you take me for?” you say in offence as people below start reading out about who Vikare was and his life, tragic loss, etc.

“Okay, that’s good. So why are we here?” Karkat asks with a sigh of relief.

“We’re stalking Dave.” you tell him, picking Dave out from the crowd below.

He’s right at the front which is weird, but he’s not alone.

“We’re what?! That’s somehow worse! Why are-” Karkat’s voice is muffle as you shove your hand over his face.

“Dave’s there up the front, with Gamzee, Aradia and Fozzer.” you say slowly.

“They work together, fuckface. Vikare was meant to be going on a mission with them so why wouldn’t they be there?” Karkat argues, slapping your hand away by the wrist so he can talk.

“Okay, but those four were at the arcade before together as a group. Like, yeah, they work together but Dave doesn’t exactly hang out with Gamzee socially, neither does Aradia. I’ve not seen any of them invite Fozzer around to friend things, I only know who he is because I’ve picked Aradia up from work. Fine if they’d all be here because he was going to sail with them and it’s a work obligation thing but why are they together? Again?” you ask.

Karkat frowns, opens his mouth and then says nothing for a moment.

“I don’t know. Why does it matter? Why are you stalking Dave?” Karkat asks.

“I- ugh, look. Dave got called out for Vikare, we were together when that happened. He went out there and Vikare died, it was close enough that I heard it. Only people are acting like it was an accident but I heard him deliberately take his helmet off and Dave was lying his ass off about all of it. I need to know why.” you explain.

It’s the pitying little chirp from Karkat that makes you look back around at him. He’s looking at you like some fragile little flapbeast that’s flown into a window and is now terribly injured.

“I don’t… support stalking Dave as an outlet for your feelings but if being here will help you lay some of your emotions to rest about what you heard then this seems relatively harmless as far as things go. I’m really sorry you had to hear what you did. It’ll be okay.” Karkat assures you gently.

You want to tell him that you’re not redirecting trauma into obsession about Dave’s lies and his present whereabouts or the company he keeps but you know full well that denial will only confirm Karkat’s thoughts. Whatever, if he’s not going to kick up a stink about this all the better for you.

“The Captain’s here too? Why’s she here?” you ask in a whisper as you crouch down. This way the mesh that lines the walkway might hide you a little and you can still peek over the top.

“Because Vikare died in service, something not applicable to you since your only chance of dying in service is someone beating you to death with a keyboard for being unhelpful.” Karkat hisses but nonetheless crouches down with you.

Alright, you’ll excuse the sudden appearance of the Captain but it does nothing to explain Dave’s weird little foursome reoccurring. The other meaning of that phrase hits your mind and you grimace at THAT mental image that you certainly didn’t need.

“Look, I know you’ve been going through a lot with Aradia and now this but we can really just go somewhere and talk. And maybe you should consider seeing a therapist even if it’s just temporary, there’s no shame in that.” Karkat assures you.

“Shh, I’m trying to listen.” you hiss at him.

Whoever was leading the funeral seems to have stepped down and you jolt to see Dave, Gamzee, Aradia and Fozzer all stand up together. You slap Karkat’s arm repeatedly so you know that he’s seeing this too. The four of them get up on the small raised platform and face the gathered crowd. They’re all standing at a formal kind of rest, their hands held behind their backs, their shoulders square and gaze straight ahead. Dave steps slightly ahead from the other three and opens his mouth, you’d thought to say something but you’re startled to hear him begin to sing.

“Oh, I bid farewell to the port and the land
And I paddle away from Brave England's white sands
To search for my long ago forgotten friends
To search for the place I hear all sailors end”

Then, without warning, the other three join in as well. They sing the same words in perfect synch and entirely in tune with each other like they’ve done so a hundred thousand times before.

“As the souls of the dead fill the space of my mind
I’ll search without sleeping til' peace I can find
I fear not the weather, I fear not the sea
I remember the fallen, do they think of me?
When their bones in the ocean, forever will be”

Something about the way their four voices bounce around the space makes your skin shiver in a way that doesn’t abate when it’s back to just Dave singing alone again.

“Plot a course to the night, to a place I once knew
To a place where my hope died along with my crew
So I swallow my grief and face life's final test
To find promise of peace and the solace of rest”

This time when the others join in it’s not just them. There are plenty of sailors gathered below you but it seems that others were around lining the balconies and walkways above the funeral just as you and Karkat are.

“As the souls of the dead fill the space of my ears
Their laughter like children, their beckoning cheers
My heart longs to join them, sing songs of the sea
I remember the fallen, do they think of me?
When their bones in the ocean, forever will be”

There’s something about it, the wall of sound maybe, everyone singing the same thing… something. The hairs on the back of your neck are standing up and your skin starts to prickle. You stare down at the four on the stage and see that aside from Dave their eyes are all shut, almost like they’re sleepwalking. Sleep… singing? Dave continues alone, his dark eyes staring distantly into the crowd before him as he does.

“When at last, before my ghostly shipmates I stand
I shed a small tear for my home upon land
Though their eyes speak of depths filled with struggle and strife
Their smiles below say I don't owe them my life”

Your vision flickers for just a second and then there’s someone on the stage that wasn’t before. A troll whose face you know from hours scouring his HR profile and his autopsy. Vikare’s translucent hands touch his neck and then, looking lost, his gaze goes to the people around him who are still singing.

You expect the jump in volume from the chorus by now but somehow it’s louder and as you look there’s suddenly more people than before. Sailors you don’t recognise, standing to attention at the edge of balconies and walkways with bodies semi translucent and words sung in harmony with the living around them.

“As the souls of the dead fill the space of my eyes
And my boat listed over and tried to capsize
I'm this far from drowning, this far from the sea
I remember the living, do they think of me?
When my bones in the ocean, forever will be”

The ghostly sailors seem to hang on Dave’s words as he sings what feels like the end of the song, or near to it at least.

“Now that I'm staring down at the darkest abyss
I'm not sure what I want, but I don't think it's this
As my comrades call to stand fast and forge on
I make sail for the dawn until the darkness has gone”

A few of the ghostly sailors reach for Vikare and take his hands and pull him to them, one by one getting fainter and fainter as the last chorus fades.

“As the souls of the dead live fore'er in my mind
As I live all the years that they left me behind
I’ll stay on the shore but still gaze at the sea
I remember the fallen and they think of me
For our souls in the ocean, together we’ll be”

Dave stares out at the crowd and you don’t know if he can see like you can, surely not, but it almost looks like he watches Vikare fade with the others as his last words seem to hang in the air.

“I remember the fallen and they think of me
For our souls in the ocean
Together we'll be.”

Something passes, a collective breath maybe, but whatever that was it was every bit as supernatural as you hearing Vikare die in the first place.

“I didn’t know Dave could sing like that, that was beautiful.” Karkat says, his voice soft and quiet.

Yeah, it was moving alright but it was also HAUNTED AS SHIT. And that’s haunted not haunting.

Below you and around you the living sailors all disperse without a word and you realise that the rest of the funeral appears to be breaking up too, the Captain is already gone.

“Karkat, did you not see that?! There were ghosts!” you hiss, trying to keep your voice down because you’ve got enough self awareness to realise that yelling that right by a funeral is a bad look.

“What?” Karkat asks, clearly lost.

“There was- you know like Aradia can bring ghosts out? But they were all sailors and… look I know you’re not as-” you falter.

“That I have the spooky fuckery psionics of a dish sponge? Yeah, I prefer it that way, thanks. No, I didn’t see anything. Look, you’re not really convincing me that you don’t need to see a therapist here.” Karkat points out.

You try to think of any way to convince Karkat of what you just saw and how you’re sure that it was the song that did it, but even you can hear how crazy that sounds. You hear people die but you don’t really get haunted like Aradia used to. Sometimes if you were together you’d see things because your psionics would sort of mingle like that, this isn’t your first undead rodeo here but you’ve never seen that before. There’s no way Karkat would get it and it’s not like you can talk to Aradia about this, she’s normally who you’d go to about something like this.

“Forget it.” you mumble and look down at the funeral below as a few people gather up folding chairs.

“Hey-” you hear Karkat say and then jump when a firm hand claps you on the shoulder.

You nearly jump out of your skin as you’re spun around to come face to face with the cane wielding arm of the law.

“Sollux.” Terezi says.

“You nearly scared the life out of me.” you hiss at her.

“Well then, you’ll love this. You need to come with me.” she says.

“Wait. Sorry, are you arresting him Terezi?” Karkat’s jaw is all but hanging open in shock as he looks at her.

“I’ve been told that whether he’s arrested or not is entirely up to him. Or me. The Captain wants to see you and I’ve been told you can either come all nice and pleasantly or a file I have in my possession about certain cyber crimes you may or may not have committed recently can come into play. In which case you can be arrested and dragged there.” Terezi says all with a smile on her face.

You stay frozen for a moment, staring down at Terezi’s predatory expression and blank red eyes.

“I’ll go with you, calmly. But only on the understanding that I’m doing it because that sounds better, not because I’m admitting that I did anything.” you say carefully.

“Smart boy.” Terezi grins, showing off very many sharp teeth.

“What did you do?!” Karkat hisses as Terezi leads you away.

For your own legal wellbeing you’re not answering that.

The ship has trains that run all through it, public transport is pretty key but there is private transport. Not like fancy individual cars like old movies show you. It’s more for the emergency services. If someone’s having a heart attack or choking to death you want them on an express trip to the hospital and not riding the train with everyone else. The emergency line runs below but essentially on the same tracks as the regular transport lines, except they go everywhere and as fast as possible.

Not fast enough in your opinion, not when Terezi is staring blindly at you with that predatory smile. You’re friends, actually friends not friends like you are with Dave. You don’t THINK she’d be delighted at convicting you of the crimes you know that you’ve done lately but she seems pretty pleased nonetheless. Does that mean you’re not really in any danger or she knows she doesn’t have anything on you?

Now, if you want to talk about someone with a good poker face Terezi is the best. You have no idea what’s happening and you are pretty freaked out by it.

When you arrive at the stop for the bridge she hauls you out and marches you into the Captain’s office.

Captain Jade is a pretty intimidating lady at times. She’s your Captain, she’s pretty important even if she’s with The Disciple. You don’t really feel like you have a lot of leeway with her as Terezi shoves you in the room, salutes and then leaves again.

“Sollux, sit down.” The Captain smiles at you, polite and formal.

You sit down on the chair in front of her desk.

“I am aware of you digging into Vikare’s records, committing several felonies on the way. I am aware that you were curious enough about him dying, something which I’m told you psychically heard, to show up at his funeral.” The Captain says simply.

You think of anything you can say here that’s not incriminating, find nothing, and shut up instead.

“What did you hear?” she asks.

“When Vikare died?” you ask, the Captain nods.

“He wanted to take his helmet off, his thoughts felt weird but still sane. I don’t think he was trying to kill himself. He just wanted to take his helmet off and be in the stars. Then he did and died.” you say.

“And you went looking into that.” she says, not asking.

“I didn’t understand why he’d… look, I know what people sound like when they die but I’ve not heard anything like that before. When it’s an accident it’s panic and disbelief at how whatever happened suddenly happened, or blame, or just pain. This wasn’t that.” you insist.

The Captain leans back in her chair and looks at you for a long moment.

“I’m going to give you a choice here, don’t answer right away because I need to tell you some relevant information first. Just… one second-” the Captain leans over and presses a button on her desk and speaks into the intercom, “Tagora, dear, can you bring those NDA papers in please?”

“A non disclosure agreement?” you ask warily.

The door behind you opens and a teal man walks into the room in an expensive suit with printed out papers, something you’ve not really seen all that often at all.

“Now, for me to give you the full story here to make your choice as informed as you can, you'll need to sign these. You can refuse if you like and because of your understandable curiosity I will look the other way this time, but we will be keeping an eye on you and I would expect you to say no more on the matter of Vikare’s death.” she explains with a gesture to the papers that Tagora sets neatly on the desk.

“But if I sign this agreeing to not tell anyone what you tell me then you’ll give me answers?” you ask.

“I promise you some answers, I promise you context. Whether you learn everything you want is somewhat out of my hands.” she says.

You stare at her and the waiting Tagora. You could get up and walk out of here without any penalty, consider this a lesson learned and leave well enough alone.

Yeah, no. You pull the papers close to you and read. It’s standard NDA stuff, a variation on what you have to sign for work. Your work has you to an agreement that you can’t go blabbing any private information that you come across to anyone you like. This conversation that you’re about to have is also privileged information and it then lists out the people that you’re allowed to discuss it with.

Dave’s name is on the list, no surprises there. Aradia too, Gamzee and… okay yeah this is all four of them but also all the other sailors too, extra people beyond that as well but not enough that you know by name to work out which spheres of people are included. Huh, Roxy is on there. Weird.

If you sign this it basically just means that you don’t tell anyone this context that you’re getting read in on, you’ve not agreed to anything more than that yet. You sign and date in the appropriate places and Tagroa whisks the paper away before you can do anything more.

“The upcoming mission to Somnos is important, do you know why?” she asks.

“Resources.” you say with a shrug, it’s always resources.

“Yes, that’s the purpose behind pretty much all of our missions even when there’s a greater scientific purpose at work. Right now, the resources are more mission critical than ever.” she explains.

She stares at you and you at her.

You need resources more than ever? Why?

“Why… why is there suddenly a bigger demand to make it more needed than usual? Making more ships is standard so our species survive if some of us get taken out. What’s changed?” you ask.

“Smart question. We’ve been making ships as normal to provide for both species. Things have changed. The ships at the front of the wave have found a new planet. An inhabited planet.” the Captain says slowly and seriously.

“Inhabited. In- wait, like… with people?!” you gasp, this is huge!

“Yes. They’re not trolls or humans, they’re called Carapacians. Their planet is Skaia. The ships at the head of the wave have held back to make contact and work on bridging the language barrier, thankfully it seems they cracked that quickly and we’ve been explaining the situation to them. They’re not space-faring yet, not even close. Ships have been diverting to pick up as many Carapacians as possible but ships rarely have a lot of extra space.” she explains gravely.

“And if… if we don’t get the material for ships from this planet then we won’t be able to make ships for them. They won’t all make it.” you say in horror.

“Exactly. Ships ahead of us are willing to take over capacity if we can assure them that we will have empty ships waiting for them afterwards but they won’t pick any more up than their usual amount if we can’t make that promise. Billions of lives hang in the balance here, even though we’re working on using their own resources to do what we can it’s tough.” she says.

The gravity of what you’re hearing sinks in and your eyes shift to Tagora. The NDA.

“Wait. Are you- is this secret because if we don’t make it then we won’t tell people they existed? Is this a potential cover-up?!” you demand.

“It does seem that way, doesn’t it? That is certainly not my intent but a lot of the Alternian fleet wants to maintain a… what do they call it? A narrative. Humans are no better. I know we make it seem like everyone got off of Earth, I know that’s what we teach but I was there and… and we didn’t all make it. I refuse to let that happen again in my lifetime.” the Captain hisses.

Holy shit.

“So… what does this have to do with me?” you ask warily.

“Somnos is a less than ideal planet. Filled with resources that can save lives, yes, but its atmosphere is a real pain in the ass. If it keeps breaking our tech and we can’t fix it or can’t fix it fast enough then…” she trails off.

“Then billions of people die. And… and Vikare was your tech guy.” you conclude.

“Exactly. He was qualified and more than eager. Certainly eager. But you… you’re a psionic, you’re intelligent, you already work in repairing software and hardware and you have experience from school in engineering-” she starts.

“I was fifteen, that’s not- I’m not an engineer.” you insist.

“But you can learn and you already do half the job anyway. I’ve also been told that you have a suitable temperament for some of the work. I have looked at my other options and thus far you are my best. As long as you can pass the physical I think that you can do the job. I certainly hope you can.” the Captain says.

You think that your jaw is hanging open. How many people does this ship have and somehow YOU’RE her best shot? You want to argue but she’s not stupid, if she’s saying that you meet her specifications best then she’d know. But then again you certainly can’t turn her down, not when so many people are depending on you. Holy fuck that’s a lot of pressure.

“I… don’t really have a choice.” you say dazedly.

“It’s that kind of situation I’m afraid. Tagora, could you go see if the others are here?” the Captain asks sweetly.

Tagora nods and leaves the room.

“So, to be clear, you agree to take the job?” she checks.

“I- yes, I guess. This still doesn’t answer my question about how Vikare died though, what’s the answer to that?” you ask with a frown.

“Ah, well, I’m not really at liberty to tell you. If you’re able to learn that or not is out of my hands but it wasn’t strictly an accident. This, of course, is confidential.” she says.

You’re about to protest when the door opens behind you again. Turning around you see Nepeta in the front, followed by Dave, Aradia, Fozzer and Gamzee. Again, those four?!

“You wanted to see us, Captain?” Nepeta asks, standing to attention.

“Yes. Sollux here has been read in on the situation with Skaia and has agreed to fill in for Vikare.” she explains casually.

“What?! No! Captain, you can’t!” Aradia gasps in horror.

“I can.” the Captain says back politely, although her posture suggests that Aradia not push that.

“He- he’s bipolar, surely he wouldn’t be suited for it.” Aradia tries again and you flinch at her words.

Seriously, what did you do to deserve her throwing that in your face?

“And has been stable for some time, obviously before being allowed onboard he would have an evaluation but I don’t think that should stop him.” the Captain says politely.

“Permission to speak?” Dave asks hesitantly, and you look around to see what he’s going to say about you.

“Granted.” the Captain nods.

“I know he’s IT and he’s smart and techie, that’s great. And as far as I know he’s fine, like, upstairs and all but I’m just wondering if he’s our only plan. Because getting anyone to pass the physical between now and the mission is rough but if we don’t have him then what’s our plan b? Like, Rox is doing more remote droids and everything to try to help but…” Dave trails off.

“You’re right that it’s certainly difficult but I believe that in these extraordinary circumstances we can do extraordinary things. Besides, he will have a dedicated trainer who’ll be guiding him through the process so he’s sure to pass.” the Captain smiles brightly.

Dave’s face shifts through alarm to exasperation.

“Did I just sign up for that?” Dave asks warily.

“Well, Aradia and he have history that won’t work well, if I leave him to be trained by Gamzee then I’m pretty sure someone will wind up in hospital and I’m of the understanding that he and Fozzer don’t know each other that well while you currently live with him. I have every faith in you.” she smiles.

Dave closes his eyes for a second, takes a deep breath and nods.

“Yes, sir.” he says finally.

“Well, then, I’m sure you’re all very busy. Dismissed. Oh, and Sollux? I’ll be clearing your schedule at Mr. Strider’s convenience. You’ll also be getting tutoring from Ms. Strider as well. I’m sure it’ll be great.” she says.

The simple act of being dismissed has you all shuffling out of the room and at least in your case standing awkwardly in the office outside of the Captain’s. You figure that it’s Tagora’s office as he’s sat there watching you all with amusement.

“Dave, just send me anything you need for this and I’ll get it approved, alright?” Nepeta asks and Dave nods.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Aradia whispers, her hand halfway over her mouth and an expression of horror on her face.

“What did you think was going to happen with Vikare gone? There’s only so many people she could pull on and he ain’t yours to hold back anymore, so, you know.” Gamzee shrugs.

“Gamzee, that’s not helpful.” Nepeta warns him sharply.

“Yeah, speaking of helpful I still have about a million questions.” you interrupt and Aradia looks away from you, it’s hard to act like that doesn’t hurt.

“Yeah and you’ll be getting no goddamned answers most likely. From what I heard you only got your foolish ass into this by sticking your sniffnode where it wasn’t wanted, like usual.” Gamzee says in a threatening rumble.

“There needs to be some kind of backup plan if this doesn’t work, the lives of so many are counting on us.” Fozzer sighs.

“That kid shouldn’t have been plan A, we said as much and now Sollux is plan B and you’re already off onto C? How many letters do we need for spelling ‘bad idea’?” Gamzee demands.

“What’s done is done, we can’t bring Vikare back. But this can’t be our plan going forward, you know what’ll happen with Sollux if-” Aradia starts to argue.

“What’s done is done? Are you shitting me?” Dave asks sharply.

“ENOUGH.” Nepeta shouts and silence falls among the group, Tagora looks wildly entertained.

Nepeta looks around each of you with her gaze hard, her green eyes pin you in place and you’d never have thought the sweet catgirl from your childhood could command such sway. Telling Equius what to do over the years must have given her more experience than you thought, even before she got to the job she has now.

“We’ve been given our orders and we have to make this work. Gamzee, Aradia and Fozzer, you can all keep your objections to yourself or air them to me privately but they won’t change what we’ve been ordered to do. Dave, are you going to follow your orders?” Nepeta asks.

“It’s our best shot and right now all this arguing is just wasting time and making it less likely that he’ll pass. Bitching, moaning and pointing fingers even if some people need to own their shit more won’t get us anywhere.” Dave says with a pointed look at Aradia.

“Then take Sollux and get out of here.” Nepeta tells him.

“Sir, yes sir.” Dave says and snaps a lazy salute that you think is only partially sarcastic.

“But-” you try to protest but Dave grabs you by the front of your shirt and pulls you away.

“As soon as we get out of here you’d better not talk about anything confidential, ok? Either wait until we’re in private or troll me about it, don’t talk out loud.” Dave says quietly and pulls you through the door.

“I have so many questions that she didn’t answer and I want answers.” you insist.

“I’ll do my best. We’re taking the train, give me a moment to hit up my sister for a favour and then troll me.” Dave says.

“Which one?” you ask with a frown, he has four.

“Oh, right. Uh, Jane. Still gonna need Rose and Roxy later probably, not sure how June would help anyone here but who knows.” Dave frowns.

June’s brand of help would be pranks or movie knowledge, neither or which you can see as being helpful. Although given the little that you know about your current situation, who knows?

“Okay help secured, we’re going to the caverns so I can get you a checkup ASAP so I know what I’m working with and can see how you’re improving because otherwise I’m just fucking about in the dark here.” Dave says as he leads you to the train line.

“So can I ask my questions now?” you ask him petulantly.

Dave just holds up his palmhusk and waves it at you like, duh, he’s waiting. You resist the urge to kick him in the shins and take your own palmhusk out.

Ah, a panicked message from Karkat, you’ll get to that later. For now, Dave. You hesitate at first almost not knowing where to start, but anywhere is better than nowhere so you go with the first thing on your mind.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

TA: ii want an2wer2 2o ii'm ju2t 2tartiing anywhere
TG: makes sense
TA: fiir2t of all youre a fuckiing liiar and you let everyone thiink you're a bad liiar
TG: wtf man thats an entirely unwarranted personal attack
TG: when have i lied to you
TA: you let everyone thiink that what happened wiith viikare wa2 an acciident
TG: 1 thats not lying
TG: 2 it was under investigation what do you want me to do
TG: 3 im not going to blab horrifying details about a guys death to my family like what the hell
TA: okay but ii already heard hiim take hii2 helmet off ii told you that, you werent telliing me anythiing new and you refu2ed
TG: no i told you that you should drop it for your own good
TG: and here we are
TG: i warned you bro
TA: oh fuck off

You look up at Dave and his smug little grin and kick him in the ankle for good measure.

“Ow! Hey, what the fuck, right on the bone man. Why do you have to be like that?” Dave yelps, hopping so he can hold his hopefully bruising ankle with one hand.

“You deserved that.” you remind him as the train pulls up.

“I did not. Come on.” Dave huffs and leads the way onto the train.

You sit next to him and start typing again.

TA: okay 2o you tell me what happened
TG: fine
TG: vikare was out there to repair an array
TG: something you do not have the clearance to know about happened to him
TG: he was able to take his helmet off and did
TG: then he died and id rather not go over that part thanks i know my job means i see people injured and in danger a lot and sometimes see people die but its never fun and can we just skip that please
TA: ii... okay, not tryiiing two be an a22hole about that becau2e iit 2ucked two hear two
TG: yeah i bet
TA: ii can't help but notiice that cla22iifiied part though
TG: yeah
TG: look consider this a warning from future you whos like gee if i could go back in time and unknow this thing i definitely would
TG: here is me doing future you that solid by saying that youre better off not knowing and even if i didnt agree with future you about you being better off not knowing i legally cant tell you
TA: so 'a thiing' happened to hiim out there that allowed hiim to overriide an unoveriiideable 2afety feature and made hiim want two do 2o?
TG: legally not allowed to tell you
TA: okay 2liight curve on that que2tiion ii2 whatever diid that 2omethiing that happen2 a lot?
TG: uhhh can you be more specific
TA: are people on the 2hiip randomly compelled two do thiing2 by whatever happened to viikare? becau2e ii've not heard anythiing liike that before.
TG: ah
TG: no its not just

Dave hesitates and you watch him bite his lip for a moment as he thinks. It seems forever until he starts typing again.

TG: youre not in danger just walking about the ship going about your day
TG: this was a specific and bad situation and i feel really shitty that it happened to vikare
TG: guy just loved space he didnt deserve that
TA: 2o iit'2 2peciific to hiim then
TA: hii2 autop2y report diidn't 2how that he had thiink2ponge worm2 or anythiing
TG: im not sure i want to ask how you know that
TA: apparently by agreeiing two thii2 my criime2 are forgiiven
TA: not that ii know how 2he knew iin the fiir2t place
TA: ii never get caught
TG: not that you ever do anything to get caught doing im sure
TA: 2ee you get iit
TG: well idk man if you want to know how the captain does shit you can ask her if you think its worth it
TA: ii miight. okay next que2tiion 2iince you won't tell me what happened out there iin the detaiil ii want: ii followed you two the funeral and heard you 2iing.
TG: not a question but were up to stalking now cool
TA: no shut up ii needed to know what you were up two and ii wa2 riight you were up two 2hady 2hiit!
TG: not what id call it but whatever
TG: i cant say that i wouldnt have done the same if the tables were turned

You lower your palmhusk a little and look at him.

“I’m only saying this,” you say quietly, “because I know text can be hard to do tone with and I’m an asshole sometimes. But I heard you sing.”

The look Dave gives you is uncertain and uneasy and you get the feeling that if you were to hurt him with this it would be genuinely hurtful and you don’t want that.

“I have questions and all but you… I didn’t know you could sing like that. It was- good seems kind of weak but it was. I felt it.” your explanation is clunky and it feels weird being said so quietly so close to him.

Dave’s expression shifts to instant surprise and then into something almost flustered, he clearly hadn’t expected praise and it’s caught him off guard and gone right to the feelings he pretends he’s too cool for.

You’re ignoring that and going back to trollian.

TA: al2o you know your 2iingiing wa2 haunted a2 2hiit riight? a2 iin there were gho2t2 everywhere.
TG: oh shit
TG: you can see ghosts what the hell
TG: radia can but she never said you could
TA: ii can't u2ually, ju2t wiith her. normally ii ju2t hear people riight before they diie 2o eiither ii wa2 ju2t tuned iintwo her when you 2ung or iit wa2 the 2ong iit2elf that diid iit.
TG: well thats not great but i guess i needed to know that
TA: 2o you 2ee the. two then? how come? human2 can't do that riight?
TG: eh some can
TG: and its not so much a seeing thing for me or not in the seeing with my eyeballs kind of way even if i feel theres a visual effect its more of a blind sense thing
TG: which we dont talk about because humans dont get it and i dont need a psych eval thanks
TA: other 2aiilor2 know though?
TG: yeah its a known thing there but not outside
TA: alriight fiine ii wont tell people
TG: thanks
TA: ...why ii2 aa 2o agaiin2t me beiing iinvolved iin thii2?
TG: cop out answer is youd have to ask her but i have an actual answer
TG: the jobs pretty dangerous and youd have been better off not involved in this much and definitely not in the stuff im not allowed to tell you
TG: and i guess she knows you well enough to know that you apparently dont listen to people being like hey man maybe dont keep digging
TA: faiir
TA: on the topiic of aa why are you, her gamzee and fozzer all together on this
TG: reasons

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

“You can’t just-” you begin to protest but Dave pulls you to your feet and you realise that you’re at the stop for the caverns.

The caverns is something of a misnomer because they’re nothing like what they supposedly were like on Alternia. Still, the name sticks. It’s really more like a hospital or a lab and not something you have any clearance to get into, why would you? Their work there is important in keeping the population of your ship going and you’ve no business being near that. It looks like you don’t have to worry about getting in though because Jane is stood outside waiting.

“What is going on, Dave?” Jane asks as you both approach.

“Yeah, Dave. Tell her.” you pipe up and grin gleefully at the irritated look he gives you.

“Nepeta’s orders, I need to get Sollux tested to see how close he is to flight ready and like doing that ASAP. We’re trying to kind of keep this on the down low here so I was really hoping you could work your magic for me.” Dave asks hopefully.

Jane looks at you dubiously and then back at Dave.

“He’s replacing Vikare then? Roxy said he was their fix-it guy, her words. They said you were out there with him when he died, is that true?” Jane asks, she’s watching Dave with clear concern and you’re pretty sure the way Dave cringes under her attention is genuine.

“I- yeah. There was nothing I could do, that’s what everyone’s telling me. We just had his funeral that’s why I’m dressed like this and everything. But it’s really important that we check him out and I’m responsible for getting him to flight ready since Vikare died and… please?” Dave asks.

“Wait, wait. You mean to tell me that- if they’re punishing you for his death by making you train-” Jane is clearly building up a wall of rage and Dave has to wave his hands in a panic to cut her off.

“No, it’s not like that. It’s just that Nepeta trusts me, we live together and it just worked out that way. Not a punishment, I swear.” Dave assures her quickly.

“Well, okay then.” Jane nods.

She looks you over with a justifiably skeptical expression. You’re not exactly a fit and buff guy, no one’s going to mistake you for Jake in a dark hallway that’s for sure. You’re well aware of the kind of fitness and strength required for being a sailor and working on planet, you’ve felt Aradia’s muscles more than enough times. Which… is good because you’re not going to any more.

Shit, now you’re sad.

“Come on, I’ll see what I can do.” Jane says quietly and beckons you in.

You and Dave follow after her as she leads you through the caverns. Carefully you bump against Dave’s side and lean close to whisper to him.

“Hey, I didn’t catch Jane’s name on the agreement thing. Is she…?” you ask as quietly as you can.

Dave shakes his head minutely and gives you a significant look. Right, keeping your mouth shut it is.

“I would say the best thing to do is a full body scan, blood pressure, ECG, blood panel and depending on those results we can investigate further. If you’re wanting to check his athletic abilities I could fit you a monitor for that.” Jane suggests as she lets you into a private room.

“That would be great, actually.” Dave nods.

Looking around the room you can see what looks to be a huge tube with tinted glass around it as well as an examination table off to the side. Jane turns around to face you in the middle of the room with her hands set on her round hips and a very businesslike expression on her face.

“First of all, you’re my patient here, Sollux. Do you consent to have these tests done because regardless of what anyone orders if you don’t want me to do anything then I won’t. And second of all if you do consent to that are you alright with Dave having the results and are you okay with Dave being here?” Jane asks.

“Hey, what? Why am I the bad guy here?” Dave asks.

If you don’t get these tests and eventually pass then billions of people might die, kind of hard to say no to that.

“I’m not taking my clothes off in front of him, not unless he’s going to buy me dinner first.” you say flatly.

“Technically I bought you dinner the other night as well as Hal but I’m not here for weird medical kink nudity dude, don’t worry. I’m happy to sit here and wait, god knows I’ve got other people to beg for favours with.” Dave retorts.

“Well okay then, I’ll put a screen up for anything like that. It might be an idea to start with the body scan in here which when you step inside it tints completely in the middle, but you’d need to take your clothes off for that and I’ll put a screen up in the meantime.” Jane assures you.

Right, oh. Hey, there’s an idea.

“Just a second.” you say and pull your palmhusk out again.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: SOLLUX WHAT HAPPENED? TEREZI WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
CG: I CAN'T SEE ANYWHERE THAT YOU'VE BEEN ARRESTED SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
CG: HAL SAYS YOU'RE NOT AT HOME.
CG: SOLLUX, SERIOUSLY TROLL ME BACK I'M REALLY WORRIED.
CG: OKAY WHAT THE *SHIT* GAMZEE JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU GOT DRAGGED UP TO SEE THE CAPTAIN FOR HACKING INTO VIKARE'S RECORDS?! SOLLUX THAT'S SERIOUS! TELL ME HE'S JOKING!
CG: TELL ME *ANYTHING* FUCK FACE!
CG: PLEASE!
TA: hey ii'm not iin trouble now, ii'm in dave'2 cu2tody
TA: you 2hould a2k hiim about iit

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You grin and drop your palmhusk on a nearby chair and pull your shirt off. You’re just unlacing your shoes so you can undress the rest of the way when you hear Dave’s palmhusk ping repeatedly on the other side of the screen that Jane just set up.

“Sollux, what the fuck did you just do? Why? Jesus, he won’t stop freaking out on me, thanks a lot.” Dave grumbles from the other side.

You dump the last of your clothes on the chair, throwing them onto the pile from inside the tinted tube. Jane doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to you getting ready but the moment you’re done she looks around with a friendly smile. It’s one that sets you genuinely at ease, unlike the curious and cunning smiles you’d got from her at the wedding.

Jane has you stand this way and that and honestly the scan takes no time at all. Honestly getting your clothes off and then on again, aside from your shirt which Jane has you leave off, takes longer than the scan itself. She smiles at you all pleasantly and sticks little pads on your skin as you sit on her bench, that test too takes longer to set up than actually run. Your blood pressure takes no real time and having your blood taken for testing is pretty routine for you as well.

“The last thing is the monitor that I was talking to Dave about. It’ll essentially track your blood oxygen saturation and your pulse, so it’ll tell us how you’re doing under stress and how physically fit you are in an endurance sense. It’s just a little monitor like this, honestly the display on the outside takes up more room than the rest of it. You can take it on and off like a watch but I recommend keeping it on as much as you can so the data is more reliable.” Jane explains as she shows you the inside where little sensors read your blood through your skin and give all kinds of reports on it.

“Alright, I can do that.” you nod and Jane fits it carefully above your wrist, tightening it enough so you’re constantly aware of it but she makes sure that you can still move just fine and it’s not cutting off circulation or anything.

“How’s he actually looking, Jane?” Dave calls from the other side of the screen.

Jane stands up and pulls the screen back since you’re all dressed now. His palmhusk is back in his pocket again so you guess he got Karkat off of his back somehow.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” she asks.

“Uh… good news?” Dave asks warily.

“The good news is there’s no physical problem that I can see right now that would exclude him from flight across the board. There’s plenty of space for his breathsacs, no bone abnormalities, no concerning growths or illnesses. I’d need to check his blood to be completely sure of that but that’ll take about an hour. His blood pressure is fine and his pumpbiscuit had a perfectly normal rhythm.” Jane says.

“Wait, what’s the bad news then?” you ask.

“There is no way you are physically fit enough for flight. You don’t have the endurance and I can tell that just by looking at you. You’d pass out in a second when you got to reentry and that’s even with the fact that psionics capable of flight often are a bit tougher in that regard. Right now you’re just not athletic enough.” Jane says bluntly.

“I’d like to be surprised but I’m not.” you admit.

“That’s good though. I can’t do shit about just not being biologically capable of withstanding flight and getting in and out of atmosphere but physical fitness I can do something about. I can… I can make this work.” Dave nods slowly.

“Cool. Can we go home now Dave?” you ask, trying to convey with your tone that you need to talk to him.

You need answers and you’re done being played off.

“Yeah, I gotta change out of all this formal stuff. C’mon. Jane if you could send us all the results and send ‘em to Nepeta too that’d be awesome.” Dave says and Jane looks at you for permission, you’re not about to deny her so you nod.

“I’ll do that as soon as his bloodwork comes back. And, Dave, if you need to talk to anyone even if it’s not professionally you know we’re always here for you.” Jane says gently.

“Ah shit, you don’t need to worry about me. Really.” Dave insists with a look of mild panic.

“Dave, we’re family, I’m always going to worry about you.” Jane insists.

Dave makes some barely audible excuse and scuttles out of the room. Jane shakes her head and pats you on the arm.

“I’ll let you know when I’ve got everything but aside from you not being an athlete there’s nothing wrong with you at all. Don’t worry about that.” Jane tells you.

“Well, now I kind of want that in writing. Karkat’s always insisted there’s something deeply wrong with me, it’d be good to have proof otherwise.” you laugh.

“Ah, well, you might need a different kind of doctor for that!” Jane laughs.

You give your goodbyes and catch up with Dave in the hallway.

“Thanks for setting Karkat on my ass, by the way. Really appreciate that. I told him you were fine and the Captain is ignoring your dumbassery in exchange for you agreeing to fill Vikare’s spot. He still thinks you’re having a mental breakdown, nothing I can do about that. That’s your problem to deal with.” Dave says when you fall into step with him.

“Karkat routinely thinks that.” you say with a shrug.

The pair of you walk through the caverns in silence for a while, you’re not sure if Dave is pissed or if he’s just thinking intently. You try to feel him out with another question.

“You’re not worried about what Karkat might think about all of this? That he might ask questions? He’s not stupid. Not actually stupid anyway.” you point out.

“Well, that falls into my favourite box when it comes to categorising problems I can see.” Dave says as he opens the door back out of the caverns.

“Which is?” you ask, going ahead of him.

“Gamzee’s problem.” Dave says and lets the door swing shut behind him.

“I can’t believe that you’re in some kind of… of cahoots with him.” you say, trying to convey as much as you can that the idea is fundamentally gross.

Ugh, what’s worse is now that you’re in on at least part of this secret you’re also in cahoots with him. You feel gross already.

“Ehhh… look. Me and Gamzee…” Dave hesitates and comes to a stop on the nearby train platform, there’s no one else here but you get the feeling he’s still being careful with his words.

Dave turns to face you properly, his expression serious for once.

“I don’t like the guy. On a personal level the two of us just don’t click, I don’t like how he works much either. I don’t especially rate him as a person, I’m with you in the ‘Karkat can do better’ club. Like, I’m no Gamzee stan. However, we work together. I have to rely on him to have my back and not get me and other people killed and as far as it stands now I trust him and work well enough with him for that. My line of work doesn’t always attract the nicest people but we’re both in the same team working on the same thing and to his credit he does his job as well as I do mine. I’m not going around his hive braiding his hair and trading stickers for our sparkly journals here. No one is delighted about this, be grateful that you’ll be my problem and not his.” Dave tells you.

“I’m a little pissed that the Captain knew about that. I don’t know who blabbed to her, Disciple or Nepeta.” you say with a grimace.

“It’s not the world’s most subtle beef but if it helps I find that the Captain always knows shit even if I have no idea HOW. Just go into every conversation assuming she knows everything already, it’s like dealing with my family but worse.” Dave snorts.

“Well I-” you hesitate as the train pulls up and decide to not to say what you were going to.

“You what?” Dave asks suspiciously.

“I. Your family. I like them, that’s it.” you mumble.

You almost looked away out of embarrassment at having to admit that but you’re glad that you didn’t because you get to see genuine delight spread over Dave’s face.

“Yeah, they’re pretty great.” Dave says with a smile and gets on the train, you follow right after of course.

“Even if you’re lying to all of them all the time and they don’t notice.” you add and, yup, that smile falls right off.

“Oh great, there it is. Look, either hold onto the bitter call out guy routine until we get home or have the decency to just serve your burns over trollian.” Dave grumbles.

“Let’s go home, then you can lie to my face.” you say with faux cheer.

Dave mumbles a very unenthusiastic ‘yay’ and slides down in his seat. The whole journey back to your hive is done in silence which you regret at least partly by the time you’re there. He’s definitely been lying about things and you were right that he was up to something but you’re also getting the feeling that he’s been put in this situation somewhat unwillingly and you’re being a grade-a asshole about it. But as is often the case you’ve gone in hostile and now you can’t work out how to extricate yourself from that particular play without losing a lot of face.

As you both walk through the door Dave holds up a finger like he wants you to be quiet and silently walks to Hal’s block. He knocks and then opens it and after that he pokes his head into the ablutionblock.

“I guess he’s out. Ok, we can talk if you want. I’m getting changed.” Dave says and walks into his block.

You follow out of habit since the door’s open but hastily backpedal when you realise he’s unbuttoning his shirt. You scramble back into the main area with your face hot.

“I didn’t realise you meant THIS SECOND!” you yell without looking around the door.

“If all goes well you’re going to be stuck in a very small spaceship with me, you get used to getting changed with people right there.” Dave points out and you hear fabric hit the floor.

“Great, I take the job and maybe save billions of lives but I might have to see your ass up close and personal. Or worse, GAMZEE’S?” you say in horror.

Or, an awful part of your mind reminds you, Aradia’s. Oh, hey, crushing despair about your failed relationship. Long time no see. You’d got so involved in this conspiracy that you hadn’t had time to think about it and you will admit to no one, especially not Karkat, that you getting so sucked into this mystery is in any way you avoiding your feelings about ending things with Aradia.

Looking down at the monitor on your arm you can see your pulse and you wonder if it’s higher than it should be given what you’re thinking. As you stare at it you’re reminded of what the Captain told you, about how many lives are riding on what the people from your ship can get from that planet. YOU’LL be fine either way, either you make it and everyone gets the resources they need or you don’t and you can wave at the doomed Skaia as you pass it by.

Well, you can’t really do that because there aren’t any windows on your ship but still.

“It’s really billions of people?” you ask quietly.

You hear Dave pause and then sigh softly.

“I try not to think about it. Focusing on all of the potential future stuff can just freak you out. It’s easier to do what you can now and not let it hang over you like some sword of Damocles.” he pronounces that word in English very carefully and you don’t tell him that the reference is lost on you since he clearly went to some effort.

“Is there really no one better for this job than me?” you ask worriedly.

Dave appears in the doorway dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, the corner of his t-shirt has his ID sewn into it so it’s clearly something he never intends to wear his ID lanyard with.

“I’m going to level with you, I don’t know the exact specs the job has. My knowledge of Somnos is that the atmosphere fucks with machinery and their software and that’s the problem for us. I don’t know exactly how because I’m basically going to be trained by engineers and people on the ground when we get there and work the problem. I can follow instructions but don’t know the details and fixing stuff is kind of your thing.” Dave admits.

“But it’s a big ship.” you point out.

“Right. Some people aren’t eligible because they’ve got old injuries or medical conditions that means it’s too risky to send them down. Some people aren’t eligible on a personal level because they can’t be trusted or because they think that the stress will make them snap. I know ‘radia pointed out the whole bipolar thing with you but if you’re fine enough for the shrinks to sign off on it that’s not a dealbreaker. The Captain’s big on neurodiversity and all that, as long as it’s safe for you then she’s cool.” Dave explains.

“I feel so included. Why wasn’t Vikare ever accepted? I saw that he applied over and over.” you ask.

Dave winces a little and you have to wait a few long seconds before he answers, every word careful and precise.

“What happened to Vikare, the thing we can’t talk about, is… we knew it might happen. Sending him to space would be a terrible idea but in this situation we needed him badly enough that some people thought the risk was worth it.” Dave says.

“You’re the one who said he shouldn’t.” you guess.

“Not just me.” Dave corrects you.

“But outside of the ship is space, why was that okay?” you press him.

“It wasn’t.” Dave points out.

The memory of Vikare’s last moments make you shudder, yeah, Dave has a point there.

“In fairness, just outside of the ship is almost never a problem. Someone fucked up and we’re looking into it, I guess, but I can’t tell you about it.” Dave adds.

You nod. You’re frustrated by what you can’t know but you’re starting to get the shape of the problem just by the edges of what you can and can’t be told. Dave seems very clear in his opinion that you’re better off not knowing. He might be right but that’s never stopped you.

“You should change.” Dave says.

“As a person? Yeah, so KK tells me all the time.” you snort.

“I know, right? God. No, you’re getting changed to work out because there are billions of lives riding on whether or not I can put you through enough physical training to get you to pass the test so get changed we’ve got work to do.” Dave says, shoving you towards your block.

Fuck, you hate excercise, why’re you doing this?

Right, billions of lives.

“For the record, I hate this.” you tell him as you go in your block and shut the door like a normal person.

“Don’t need you to like it. Oh wait, let me..” you can just make Dave out through the door but you figure you’ll leave him to whatever he’s doing.

You’re not exactly a working out kind of person. You have sweatpants for laying around the hive in or sometimes sleeping in and you have tshirts you care less about than other ones. You don’t really have proper running shoes but you have shoes that are kind of close? People in adverts with them do sporty things like, uh, ride skateboards and play basketball. You’ve never done either while wearing them but maybe it’ll work.

Fully changed and not at all ready you open the door and come face to face with a grinning Dave who’s holding his palmhusk. A tune starts playing, not one you know but when the lyrics start up you realise why you probably don’t know it.

“I don’t speak Spanish.” you remind him.

“Oh, shit, hold on I need to… uh… let me translate the title and try again.” Dave frowns.

“I don’t know the tune either.” you add.

“No, it’s like… it’s an iconic kid’s movie. I… you know, let’s make a man out of you.” Dave flounders.

“I’m already a man. What’re you talking about?” you squint at him.

“Forget it. I never say this but for once I actually miss being around humans. Humans I’m not related to.” Dave says unhappily.

“Was there a point to this?” you ask him.

“It doesn’t matter. Come on, I need to put you on a treadmill until you throw up or pass out. Hopefully the second thing.” Dave says and steers you out of your room.

“I also vote the second thing. Or neither, neither would be good.” you say nervously as Dave continues to push you out of your hive.

You skid to a stop before the door, putting your psionics into it to really stop Dave moving you. You duck out of his grip and turn so you can face him properly.

“Two things.” you start and Dave opens his mouth like he’s going to get on your case about of course it’s two things but you go on before he can say it.

“First, the guy whose job I’m taking just died. How likely is it that the same is going to happen to me? I’ve got no way of knowing because you won’t tell me what really happened. Is something going to make me do something like that? How in danger am I here?” you ask, and any teasing evaporates from Dave’s expression.

He shifts a little, looking away from you and it’s a few quiet moments before he speaks.

“Like I said before, Vikare shouldn’t have been considered for the job and what happened to him right outside the ship is like… it doesn’t really happen to this ship. There’s stuff and people in place. So… that’s that, but getting in a small ship and going out to a space station and then on and off a planet has risks. If the math nerds fuck the numbers up you can be dead in all sorts of creative ways and launching a ship off of a planet is as safe as they can make it but still basically fucking with explosives in sciencey ways. There’s risk there. Plus it’s a cold planet and weather can kill. All that said though we don’t lose people very often, it’s pretty much the most dangerous job out there but it’s not like we’re out here juggling chainsaws in the universe’s thinnest spacesuit.” Dave tells you.

“Okay, I can probably deal with that. Second question, how long is the training usually for being a sailor given that we’ve got like… what… a little less than two months or something?” you ask.

“It’s pretty much always two years.” Dave says grimly.

“What?” you yelp.

“I- okay, that sounds worse than it is. I’ve got to cut this down to time, right? I’ve been doing the numbers in my head since you got dumped in my lap and I think it’s reasonably doable. Sort of.” Dave insists.

“Sort of.” you repeat.

“Well, okay, no you’re not going to be a sailor in that time. For a start you need a thousand hours in external time logged. So either on stations in zero g or spacewalks outside a ship like ours, or- test pod things. That takes time to build up because most people training can’t get access to bang that out as quick as, but you don’t need that training. We’re not asking you to repair anything on the ship or on the space station, your job is on-planet so I can cut all that technical training out. You’re already qualified in your job so that’s done, you’d be a specialist anyway. Basic equipment and weather training is going to be easy because Nepeta’s already putting weather training on and I know Jake will help me train you in equipment. When it comes to the actual stuff you’re repairing for this mission Roxy’s got you. You don’t need to know how to maintain tech for desert planets because we’re not doing that, it cuts the time down.” Dave starts to list off.

“But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there? You said two years, didn’t you?” you ask.

“Well, yeah, I’ll have to run you through basic communications in case there’s an emergency but that’ll be something we can cram through in the evenings as well as other emergency procedures. I can skip training you to do anything in the shuttle or station and basically treat you as cargo. Other than that I just have to get you fit enough to be able to fly and have Roxy tell you how to repair all the stuff with the duplicates we have on board. It’s doable, I’m sure.” Dave nods.

“But two years though.” you repeat.

“Like I said it’s not always that for everyone and you’re already trained in the specialty you’d have, so even if you were suddenly going out of your way to be a fully qualified sailor, which isn’t what we’re doing, you’d already be a good part of the way there. Some people do it faster and you just need to be safe to fly.” he tries to tell you.

“And how long did it take you?” you ask.

“Do you trust me or not?” Dave challenges you, seemingly no longer willing to engage with your questions and concerns.

His sharp black and red eyes have you pinned in place and you wonder for a moment if they see more than you know. You have to answer him.

“I guess… enough to not get me killed. I don’t think you’d agree to this if you thought my life was in real and immediate danger.” you say slowly.

Dave’s expression softens and for how hostile your day has been with him it’s pretty obvious from that look that he doesn’t want you dead.

“Of course I wouldn’t. I don’t want to make this torture either, even if some of it’s going to suck. But just trust me on this, I wouldn’t put you through more than I think you can take.” he says gently.

You… don’t know what to say to that. Instinctively you feel like it’s a thing that you need to say something to in response but you’ve got nothing. Your entire thinksponge is just ERR_CONNECTION_TIMED_OUT so when you scramble to realise that you have to say something the first thing that comes online is your most basic programming: be kind of an asshole about things.

“Like you know what I can take. You’re underestimating me, I was hatched to fly. Unlike you.” you sneer at him and spark enough psionics to illustrate your point.

Red and blue flashes off of the walls and off of the white of Dave’s shirt, it reflects in his dark artificial eyes and more concerningly it lends a certain menace to the very slight smile that’s crept onto his face.

“Alright, flyboy, let’s go and you can show me.” Dave says and with that he pushes you towards the door for a final time.

It occurs to you in increments how much you might be out of your depth here. See, shittalking is a basic function for you because typically you can easily back it up. You’re the best at video games, at tech, at hacking. When you make a boast you can do it.

As Dave walks you into what you can only assume is the private gym for the sailors you start to realise that this is probably not something you should have mouthed off about.

“So for today I want to work out where we are, I’ve already got stuff on the way from Jane. Basically I want to establish a baseline.” Dave explains as he walks you past all kinds of equipment.

“Using the monitor?” you ask warily.

“Yeah, Jane should have sent me what I need to be able to check it out remotely. You should stretch while I check.” Dave advises you, coming to a stop on a mat by a long mirror.

Uneasily you stretch your back by linking your hands and pushing them ahead of you, you move your arms and cross one over the other to loosen your shoulder joints. As you’re tipping your head to the side you see Dave looking at you disbelievingly.

“You’re not spending the day sat at a desk, Sollux. I meant- okay, let’s just have you copy me instead. That’ll be easier.” Dave suggests.

He drops his palmhusk to the mat near his feet and stands at your side.

“Feet together and just lean down and touch your toes. Like this, or the floor, or this.” Dave says casually and then somehow folds himself the fuck in half and hugs his knees.

“What the shit?! How can you bend like that?!” you squawk.

“Just show me what you can do.” he suggests.

You try to replicate his move but you can’t reach the floor at all, much less do what he’s doing.

“Hey, as long as you can feel that in the back of your legs you’re good.” Dave says simply.

You can feel it in the back of your legs alright, there and everywhere else. Dave leads you through a whole series of stretches that you apparently can’t do at all and leave you vaguely suspicious that someone has stolen Dave’s bones.

When he’s done torturing you in a variety of unfun shapes Dave lets you sit down and have a drink of water.

“Alright, so, like I was saying Jane’s handed me access to all your vital stuff so we’re going to sit here and try to get something close to your resting bloodpusher rate. Really it’ll be more accurate by tomorrow morning because I’ll have it when you’ve slept but this’ll do for now. Essentially the lower the number the better, well, unless it’s zero because then you’re dead.” Dave explains.

“What’s mine right now?” you ask.

“Uh. It’s eighty, but you’re a psionic and pretty warmblooded too so that bumps you up a little anyway.” Dave hedges.

“Cool. What’s yours?” you ask him flatly.

“Fifty. But I’m a different species and I’ve always done this and… like I said it’s just a benchmark. Come on.” Dave hurriedly gets you up but it doesn’t take the sting out of his results being that much better.

“Here’s my thinking here, I’ll start with the thing you’ll probably hate the most and then the rest won’t be so bad, yeah?” Dave suggests as he walks to the treadmill.

“You’re not selling this.” you point out.

Dave shakes his head and waves you onto the treadmill anyway. Cautiously you get onto it and Dave sets it at a sensible walking pace.

“I’ll spare you the technicalities on this one but essentially how this test goes is in a minute I set this to a running speed, you do that for a few minutes and then I crank up the angle a bit, go a few more, and then repeat. It’s a stress test basically, it shows your endurance and that but it’s important that you keep going until you really REALLY can’t go anymore or we get to the end.” Dave explains.

“Just so I have an idea, what happened to you the first time you did this?” you ask him.

“The first time I did this officially I was already trained, different protocols. Different people training have different methods and this is better. I have seen people start like this before and it tends to be a little rough the first time.” Dave tells you.

“What did you do instead?” you ask.

“Enough procrastinating, here we go.” Dave says and reaches over and hits the speed button until it gets to something where you’re staggering to catch up.

“Try not to use your psionics unless it’s like that. I don’t want you eating treadmill, but don’t cheat either.” Dave says.

Holy shit this is a fast run. This is sprinting for the train because you’re SERIOUSLY late kind of running, you’re already out of breath and you want to stop already. You’d never do this kind of thing willingly and instinctively you want to stop, if you were late for the train at this point you’d say fuck it and accept that you’re late.

But… this isn’t about you. Billions of lives rely on the resources on Somnos and they need you to keep the machines working. This isn’t just about you.

All the same you feel like you’re about to die when Dave leans over again. With one hand he ups the incline on the treadmill but you just feel his other hand ghost your back. Is he… is he ready to catch you if you fall?

You don’t have time to think about it because this incline has made stuff so much harder. You glance at Dave and nearly lose your footing in the process.

“Hey, no, keep your eyes ahead it’s easier that way.” Dave warns you.

“I- h- how- many-” you gasp and flail a hand at the incline button.

“A few more times, don’t think about it. Just keep going. Imagine you’re being chased if that helps.” Dave suggests.

It doesn’t help. You can’t do this. Your pride and your understanding of how dire the situation is means that you can’t get off, you can’t stop and claim you can’t do more. You think your bloodpusher is about to explode though. You want to bite him as Dave reaches over and puts the incline up again, you scramble to keep up but one of your legs buckles underneath you.

It all happens so fast, the treadmill rising up to meet you but it doesn’t touch you. Instead an arm impacts your chest and you’re hauled backwards onto the floor, coughing and gasping for air. Your vision is black around the edges and you feel like you’re one of the imminently deceased that you hear from.

Dave leans over you, his bleached hair like a halo in shitty gym strip lighting. He pushes your hair back from your sweat slick forehead and fans you with the other hand.

“Hey man, hey, it’s ok. You did good.” Dave tells you gently.

Something in your dying expression must convey some sense of disbelief given what he says to you next.

“No, really, you did. I said run until you can’t anymore and you did. I see so many people get told to do shit to failure for training and they just pussy out before that point but you did it. I’ve way more time and hope for someone who’ll actually do that.” Dave tells you.

You nod shakily, more to let him know that you heard.

“Stay here.” Dave says quietly, like you’re going ANYWHERE any time soon.

He vanishes for a moment and comes back with a cup of cold water which he presses gently to your temple.

“Hold that there.” Dave tells you and weakly you bring a hand up to your head and manage to keep the blessedly cool cup in place.

He pulls at your legs so they’re bent at the knees with your feet flat on the floor, you can feel how every muscle you have is trembling.

“There you go, your pulse is coming down. Feel better?” Dave asks.

“I… feel like I died.” you rasp.

“Cardio’s a bitch, huh? But it’s that pressure on your bloodpusher that you need to develop, the stronger that muscle is the easier it is to not pass out or die under pressure in the space shuttle.” Dave tells you.

You focus on breathing in deeply, no longer tripping over yourself for every breath and each molecule of oxygen. You’re able to blink the stars from your eyes and carefully you let your psionics spark, so much for catching yourself if you fell.

“Thanks. I would have… fallen and knocked out all my teeth or… or something.” you say, your voice a little shaky.

“Not on my watch.” Dave tells you as he peers at his palmhusk.

“What’s the damage?” you question him, meaning the monitor’s readings.

You probably could check your arm yourself but that is effort and you don’t really know how to interpret things well. A little clumsily you roll onto your side and weakly drink the water in the cup that Dave brought you.

“Your bloodpusher rate got to… many. Don’t worry about the exact and very high numbers. But the good news is you’re recovering reasonably quickly considering how bad that got, which I’m guessing is a psionic thing. The other telekinetically inclined trolls I know in the program have good recovery times too so you have that going for you.” Dave says thoughtfully.

You nod and rest your sweaty forehead on the sweaty floor. Everything is sweaty. You feel like Equius only nowhere near as ripped. As you lay there a horrible thought steers over you.

“You said this was first, what’s the other stuff?” you ask, knowing the answer won’t be pizza and a nap but somehow still really hoping it will be.

“Gonna work out your one rep max for a few things, again I’m cutting the range of stuff you’d be tested on way down for the sake of improving key things well rather than doing everything sort of okay at the end.” Dave explains.

Definitely not pizza then.

Dave eventually convinces you to get up off of the floor and follow him jelly legged to an area of the gym that’s set up with weights and bars and ropes no doubt for all kinds of ominous purposes. He works you through a few things and to Dave’s credit whenever you can’t do something he changes things around until it’s something you can do. He’s also very firm on you not cheating with your psionics and is super unimpressed by your ‘none handed pullup’.

He asks you to do push ups, you can’t. He changes it and gets you to a place where you can do about five very shitty ones from your knees. He’s not satisfied with that and changes it back further until your form on a leaning against something push up is perfect. It feels humiliating to have to change things that much though.

“This is pointless, I could do the other ones on my knees.” you protest.

“It’s not pointless. You need to be able to do things perfectly before you change or you’ll just have crappy foundations for future stuff. It’s the same way that- ok look.” Dave gets up and leads you over to the pull up bars again.

After your hands free version Dave got you to a place where you could do something with big rubber bands assisting you.

“Let’s say you want ten pull ups, right? We get people in their first week here thinking they’re hot shit, we ask for ten and they do something like this.” Dave explains.

He jumps up to the bar and then gets through ten so fast he almost blurs but the movement is wild and the bars kind of jolt a little at the force of it. He drops down to face you again and gestures to where he just was.

“They like bang out these shitty things and when we tell them that we expect it properly they fail, because you tell me what looks like it takes more effort and skill. Watch.” Dave explains and jumps up there again.

This time you look up as Dave almost achingly slowly but perfectly smoothly moves through pull ups, he pauses at the top of each movement and you can see that his muscles are working on the slow descent and not just dropping to jerk back up into another one. When he’s done after some time he drops to the floor again.

“I’m roughly translating what I was told but, fast shit’s still shit. I’m not sending you out with shit form that’ll blow your back out or hurt you just so you can say you’re on a higher level of it. Having ego about this stuff just gets you hurt.” he tells you.

You being humiliated by how unfit you are is on you, not just because it’s how you are and that’s your fault but because Dave isn’t trying to make you feel shit about it.

“Half assing it isn’t the way to go.” you conclude and Dave nods.

It’s weird, you’ve never really seen Dave like the other sailors. Aradia found the tests fun but she finds planetary hikes to look at rocks fun, she’s always been active like that. Gamzee clearly gets off on being physically threatening even if he’s not overtly muscular and Jake’s built like an action hero who enjoys the attention. They’re the kind of people you associate with the job.

Dave isn’t someone you’ve ever thought of like that, he doesn’t look as obvious as Jake and he doesn’t go out of his way to talk about what he does ever. You hadn’t thought of him as someone who knows about all this stuff and has opinions on stuff like this, but then you hadn’t thought of Dave much at all before all of this.

“What now?” you ask instead of saying any of that.

“I think… I think dinner now. Shower and then dinner, whatever you’re in the mood for.” Dave says cheerfully.

You’d weep with joy if you didn’t think you’d sweated away all the moisture your body had ever contained. You’re just a withered husk now. A withered husk without pizza.

“Pizza.” you tell him.

“Hell yes.” Dave nods.

Chapter Text

You’re at home, pacing frantically as you wrack your thinksponge for any favour you can call in here. You’ve helped people before and you’d hope that if you really really REALLY needed help then people would help you in return and saving the ass of your best friend in the whole universe is the best cause you can think of.

You should have done something more before this. Clearly the breakup was too hard on him, he was driving himself to distraction with this Dave business. First the Arcade and now the funeral? You should have done something. Terezi won’t tell you shit and you know better than to threaten her given her job, talking shit changes when the two of you aren’t kids anymore. Threatening your friend if she doesn’t tell you what happened to Sollux is one thing, that’s just an argument. But when Terezi is an officer of the law that’s a crime and it won’t help Sollux if you’re locked away too, not that you think Terezi would really take it that far. She’s still your friend.

Going back to your hive seemed like the only sensible thing to do, you couldn't storm the Captain’s office or any law enforcement building without the risk of things seriously going bad. If you’re home then at least Sollux would be able to find you if his palmhusk had been confiscated or something. It was better than standing by the clearing funeral at least.

You’ve not been home for all that long when Gamzee saunters through the door, his formal tie undone and slung around the back of his neck and his formal shirtsleeves unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. You round on Gamzee the moment he’s through the door.

“Gamzee! You have to help me, I don’t know what to do!” you blurt out your words almost a sob.

Gamzee’s eyes go wide as he takes in your blatant panic and his arms reach out for you out of instinct.

“Sollux has been arrested! Terezi said she was taking him away to the Captain and I don’t know what to do!” you wail.

“Oh… yeah, I know.” he nods and pulls you in close to him.

“What do you mean you know?! How do YOU know?!” you demand, banging your fists on his chest.

“Hey, hey, shoosh. Calm down before you hurt yourself, yeah?” Gamzee says soothingly, he’s not worried that you’re going to do any damage to him despite you banging on his chest like that.

“No! If you want me to not burst a blood vessel from stress you’ll tell me what you meant by you knowing and you’ll tell me now!!” you yell.

“The Captain wanted him for the mission, since Vikare is dead now. It’d be like her to use his dumb mistakes to get him in.” Gamzee tells you.

“He’s replacing a guy who JUST died?! How is that safe?!” you shout but Gamzee just laughs and shakes his head.

“No, he’s not doing his regular job like… outside fixing things. He’s taking his place on the mission with us, that’s how I knew because Nepeta had us in there and we got told he’d be joining us.” Gamzee laughs at you.

You stare incredulously at him, there’s no way he can mean what he just said. No way at all.

“You’re expecting me to believe that he’s got a job as a sailor? When he already has a job? When he has the athleticism and strength of a reconstituted rolled up fruit snack? That is what you’re telling me?” you scoff.

“Damn just go for him. Now I want fruit roll-ups…” Gamzee mumbles, looking around at your little nutrition area as if you might have a box secreted away for just this occasion.

“Gamzee!” you snap.

“Sorry, sorry. I mean I don’t know if he’ll be an official sailor and everything yet, no way he’ll pass the test in that time but he’s getting training enough so we can take him with us and he can fix things on planet for us. Don’t worry, I promise I won’t do anything to him when he’s out of your supervision.” Gamzee swears.

“Why would anyone agree to that? Why would the Captain want that and why would Sollux ever say yes? There’s no way he can do that. He’s not just un-athletic but I’d have thought his psych history would exclude him.” you say in disbelief and break away from Gamzee to start pacing again.

“I mean we all gotta go through evaluations before we go.” Gamzee shrugs.

“Yes but this is Sollux. I know he’s been fine for a while but he and Aradia only just broke up and no one thinks that him agreeing to go on some insane mission that he’s nowhere near ready for is alarming? If this is some stunt to try to get Aradia back-” you start.

“It’s not that.” Gamzee interrupts you.

“Oh? Then what?” you challenge him.

Gamzee sighs and sits on the back of your loungeplank, his feet on the seat cushions. He rests his forearms on his knees and you’re forced to stop under the weight of his stare.

“You know what he did, don’t you? Why Terezi hauled his ass up to our Captain?” they’re structured like questions but the flat delivery of them makes it sound more like an accusation.

“He… was-” you falter but that stare makes you go on, “he was getting into some files about Vikare that he shouldn’t have. Ones that could get him in serious trouble. It’s not his fault, he’s stressed and stupid about this breakup. He lives with Dave and he was so close he heard the guy die when Dave was out there trying to rescue him, he just needed closure.”

“You know that still makes it a crime.” Gamzee points out.

“There’s extenuating circumstances. Look, if I can just find out what’s going on then I can see what I can do for him. He shouldn’t have to go off on some stupid risky mission. Your work is dangerous Gamzee, Sollux isn’t trained or ready for that kind of thing and he could get killed!” you insist.

“He won’t be going if he can’t pass and that ain’t up to me. You can’t just dig him out of everything. When I get in people’s faces you get pissed and you make a big deal about unruffling those feathers but he breaks laws and-” Gamzee complains but you’re not hearing it.

Especially not because it sounds a little too much like Sollux’s insinuation the other day about how you use your influence at much as Kankri does. Which isn’t true!

“First of all, you’re a giant highblood, you know people find you intimidating and I know it’s not your fault and you’d never hurt anyone but I get annoyed when you keep aggravating people. Secondly if you think I’m not LIVID at Sollux for this stunt you’re dead fucking wrong but it doesn’t change that he’s my best friend and I have to fix this for him!” you argue, you’ve no clue how you’re going to fix it but you will!

“He was in his autopsy report.” Gamzee insists.

“Oh that’s… that’s bad.” you might be looking at serious punishment here.

Hopefully you can get Terezi to vouch for his character and maybe his mental health history as well as recent events with Aradia could bargain him down to community service and not time on an actual prison ship. It’s not like he murdered anyone but getting into medical records is a felony sort of crime. But it’s non-violent and he heard Vikare die so… you stand a good chance of being able to get Sollux into something far easier that doesn’t involve shooting him at a planet.

Kankri must know someone who can help and you’re more than willing to compromise yourself if it means helping Sollux. There just has to be something that you can do from here.

“Have you even tried talking to him?” Gamzee asks with a sigh.

“Yes, I have, genius. But he’s offline and hasn’t messaged me back yet. But- OH SHIT HE’S ONLINE NOW!” you throw yourself onto the loungeplank to start hastily messaging your best friend.

Well, you’d already been messaging him but you keep going now, only he’s still not responding.

“He’s not answering.” you say as you get up once more and pace the room.

“Do you think Terezi might be able to help more? I know I shouldn’t message her and leave written evidence that could get her in trouble but do you think I should find her later and talk to her about this?” you ask Gamzee and start to bite your claws nervously.

Gamzee’s expression is flat and unimpressed.

“There’s Kankri too but I really want to know how bad this is before I do that.” you add.

The shadows around the room suddenly feel a little deeper, a little darker and your pulse races even harder than it was. Gamzee draws a deep breath in and when you look at him he’s letting it out in a calm and meditative exhale, despite the clenched teeth you get a flash of as he does so. The room shifts back to normal.

“I’m going to get changed.” Gamzee says simply and gets up.

Guiltily you stand there in the main room with your palmhusk pressed to your chest. You know how Gamzee feels about Sollux and it’s not as if the feeling is unwarranted. You still have feelings for Sollux and Gamzee knows it, he’s said you can’t help what you feel and that you choose to be with him and that’s enough. But still… it can’t be easy seeing you so wound up over Sollux. Even if you’re just friends with Sollux he still IS your friend and you’d help any of your friends if they were in a situation as dire as this, you know you’re being honest about that.

But… Gamzee probably wouldn’t be this aggravated if it was anyone else.

TA: hey ii'm not iin trouble now, ii'm in dave'2 cu2tody
TA: you 2hould a2k hiim about iit

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

WHAT?!

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!

You go to chew him out and demand answers but he’s offline now. Unfortunately for Dave HE’S online so you immediately turn your ire and general frustration on him.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: DAVE STRIDER YOUR NEW JOB DESCRIPTION HAD BETTER BE SUPPLYING ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WITH ALL OF THE INFORMATION I WANT BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE SOLLUX 'IN YOUR CUSTODY' AND IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON IMMEDIATELY NO ONE WILL BE HAPPY WITH THIS SITUATION!
CG: BECAUSE GAMZEE HAS BEEN SAYING THAT HE'S GOING ON SOME "MISSION" WITH YOU PEOPLE TO SOME PLANET AND BOTH OF US KNOW THAT SOLLUX HAS ALL OF THE REGULAR NUTRITIONAL INTAKE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD LEFT UNSUPERVISED IN A FOOD COURT AND HIS BONES ARE PROBABLY SO BRITTLE THAT YOU CAN SNAP HIM OVER YOUR KNEE LIKE A GLOWSTICK FOR ROUGHLY THE SAME RESULT!
CG: MY POINT IS THAT THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE TRUE BECAUSE YOU'D BE EFFECTIVELY SENDING MY BEST FRIEND TO HIS DEATH IN THE SERVICE OF FILLING IN FOR A JOB FOR A GUY WHO JUST DIED WHICH DOESN'T GIVE ME GREAT HOPE FOR HIS SURVIVAL ODDS!
CG: SO EXPLAIN!! NOW!!!!
TG: if it wasnt for the fact that you speak spanish id be tempted to answer your questions in spanish just to be contrary
TG: like you come here demanding answers but dont specify
CG: DAVE I'M SERIOUS!!
TG: hi serious im dave
TG: wait hold up i need to text my dad i think he must have felt a disturbance in the force from me doing that
TG: hes gonna be so proud of me
CG: ASLDGFKJHASLK;DGJ
TG: ok ok
CG: ANSWERS! NOW!
TG: not telling you shit until you ask nicely
TG: im a human being with feelings
CG: YOU'RE GONNA FEEL MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS IN A MINUTE!
TG: thats ok i can wait
TG: i mean solluxs medical appointment is going to take a while so i can sit here until you play nice
CG: MEDICAL APPOINTMENT?!
TG: mmm hmmmmmmm
CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
TG: sorry jade has dibs
CG: I. WILL. REMEMBER. THIS.
CG: DAVE, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED WITH SOLLUX, I AM VERY CONCERNED.
TG: aw he can be nice
CG: DAVE!
TG: alright so sollux got brought in for internet crimes but really the captain just wanted to talk to him about the mission
TG: she probably just wanted to spook him away from doing that again and also float the job offer to him which is two things at once so sollux would approve
TG: we really need his help and i got accidentally put forward to train him up so he can pass the physical
CG: FIRST OF ALL WE BOTH KNOW SOLLUX CAN'T PASS ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL TEST AND SECOND OF ALL DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU SAID SOMETHING DUMB AND GOT GIVEN SOLLUX AS A PUNISHMENT?
TG: first of all thats rude just slandering your boy like that and yeah hes not athletic but people can learn that
TG: like gamzee passes the test despite looking like a clothes rack had a juggalo nightmare transformation sequence
CG: FUCK OFF
TG: secondly your accusations are hurtful
CG: YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU? YOU OPENED YOUR STUPID MOUTH AND SOMEONE WITH MORE POWER THAN YOU WAS LIKE OH OK THEN THIS IS YOUR JOB NOW SMARTASS.
TG: i will neither confirm nor deny
TG: but back on topic sollux is fine and i wouldnt put him through anything i didnt think he could do and when we get to it if i dont think hes going to be as safe as the rest of us down there i wont let him go
TG: or well ill tell nep that he doesnt pass and then she wont let him go
CG: WHAT I'M HEARING IS THAT NEPETA DRAGGED YOUR ASS BACK INTO LINE.
TG: yeah yeah somethin something i know what the chain of command is its the chain nepeta beats me with til i understand whose in command here
CG: ARE YOU REFERENCING SOMETHING? I FEEL A REFERENCE THERE.
TG: you know i love old shows about space
TG: nothing better than people guessing what my job is like
CG: ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR JOB THERE'S NO WAY THAT SOLLUX CAN DO IT, OR IF HE CAN CERTAINLY NOT IN THE TIME YOU HAVE BETWEEN NOW AND THE UPCOMING MISSION. I REMEMBER HOW LONG TRAINING TOOK FOR GAMZEE.
TG: well yeah im not giving him the works i cant do that
TG: but i can get him to a point where he can make the trip without keeling over dead and so long as hes supervised all the time down there hes gonna be fine
TG: not a certified sailor yet but good enough for this mission at least
CG: I'M NOT SURE YOU CAN DO EVEN THAT.
TG: im getting whiplash these days from sollux accidentally telling me my job isnt hard like i just work in some kind of courier service and its no big deal and you insisting that i cant possibly do my job well enough to teach someone the bare basics of it required to not die
TG: spin the roulette wheel of is daves job easy, hard or is he just incompetent
CG: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT, I'M JUST CONCERNED.
TG: yeah well i have work to do

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Okay, break that down into the positives and negatives.

On the plus side it seems like Sollux isn’t in legal trouble now, which also means you don’t need to talk to Kankri or compromise Terezi’s professional ethics. Or… your professional ethics.

On the negative side Sollux has taken a job that you’re sure can’t be safe and you have no idea why he’d agree to go through all that training when he routinely used to ditch out of gym with you in school. You’ve never once seen Sollux exercise for fun or even just to get healthy so the whole why of that is a big question mark and that’s negative as far as you’re concerned. You’re also reasonably sure that you actually hurt Dave’s feelings there. It can be hard to tell with him since he tends to play things off or just be an asshole back in return but it is possible to genuinely upset him and you think you just did. By the sounds of it it’s like you were the straw that broke the humpbeast’s back but even so you’re probably going to have to apologise to him.

Why would he do this? You need to find Gamzee and find out why.

When you get inside your respiteblock Gamzee has changed back into his usual clothes and is even hanging things up again which all but demands a celebratory parade in your hive. Unfortunately the parade has to wait because you need to talk to him.

“I’ve just been talking to Dave, he said he’s training Sollux on this job. I just don’t understand why he’d agree.” you say, more statement than question but still.

“The mission’s important.” Gamzee says as he slots his shirt into the wardrobe.

“Oh come on, that tells me why you’d go, not why Sollux would care!” you argue.

Gamzee frowns a little, he rests his hand on the top of your wardrobe and turns to face you so he’s kind of leaning on it. He looks down at you with an uncertain kind of expression on his painted face.

“You don’t think the mission’s important? We have to make ships and get the stuff. You’re saying you and Sollux wouldn’t care about that?” Gamzee asks and you get the feeling that this conversation is heading the same way that your one with Dave did.

“No, I mean… of course it’s important but the ship’s engine is important to keep us going and I don’t see Sollux running down there to-” you freeze, the words still stuck in your mouth.

You’d just picked the engine because without it the ship doesn’t move and you’re all fucked, it’s important work but that doesn’t mean anyone would rush to sign up to do it. If you’d been talking about anyone else it wouldn’t have been an unfortunate thing to say but this is Sollux and it’s an engine.

Human civilisation wasn’t perfect, Earth was fucked up in its own ways but a lot of those ways were different from Alternia. They don’t have psionics so when they met trolls they had to compare their ships engines which as far as you understand essentially run on fucking up atoms for fun and profit to the troll system which was helmsmen. You’re entirely certain that had humans had psionics in their number they would have had helmsmen too but since they didn’t the whole species reacted with revulsion and it was one of the things that the humans insisted on changing if the two species were to work together. Humans offered their tech in replacement in exchange for other technological help in return.

There aren’t any more helmsmen. Not in the Alternian or human fleet. Pirates on the other hand… well, it’s hard getting hold of the things you need for a reactor but far easier to capture a psionic to power your ship. Capture or… control one.

You are DEEPLY glad that particular slip of the tongue happened in front of Gamzee and not Sollux.

Slowly you lower your hand from your mouth and when you speak you’re quiet again.

“You know what I meant. I just don’t see Sollux signing up for that willingly.” you say.

“The Captain didn’t make him do anything, she just explained the facts. Told him why we needed him and he said yes, then he got made Dave’s problem.” Gamzee says and closes the wardrobe.

“No way. He wouldn’t do that. I know Sollux.” you insist.

“So shouldn’t I be the one asking you if you’ve got all the answers in your pan already?” Gamzee asks.

“I-” you falter.

You hold your palmhusk to your chest and try to think clearly.

“I don’t think he’d go just because we as a species need more ships and resources. I don’t think he thinks that it’s a stupid thing or anything, I just don’t think he considers it his job. He’s never been athletic or interested in space, adventure or any of that. I can’t see him jumping at a job in a rush for that. So… so it’s something else then. Either something I don’t know about or it’s Aradia. He could be doing this to prove something to her but I don’t know what and there’s no way that’d work, either that or he’s gone off the deep end and is offering his unqualified ass up to a dangerous job in the hopes that it’ll either give him a purpose or put him out of his misery.” you say slowly.

“But he’d been accepting that things with Aradia were really over and I can’t see Dave being dumb enough to buy Sollux pulling some grand gesture like it was a good idea. Dave would shoot that down, Nepeta would see it a mile off too. And if Sollux was trying to hurt himself then the same applies and he’d be wasting everyone’s time because there’s no way he’d pass the psych test if he was clearly being reckless.” you go on.

“Maybe it’s something else and you just don’t know.” Gamzee sighs and moves past you.

“Hoofbeastshit, he’s my best friend! I know him! Something isn’t right here!” you insist loudly.

“Maybe you don’t know him that well. I’m going out.” Gamzee says and the front door opens and shuts before you can do anything about it.

Maybe you don’t know him that well? You know him better than anyone, this is Sollux. But… but Dave’s not stupid, neither is the Captain or Nepeta. If nothing else is missing then Sollux is acting in ways that you can’t predict or understand. Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought.

Your mind goes to Sollux and Aradia’s breakup. How the two of them grew apart without realising it until it was too late. Have you and Sollux grown apart? The very thought is like a knife to your bloodpusher. You don’t want to lose him like that, you can’t.

But, shit, you’ve just been going on about Sollux to Gamzee when you know how he hates the topic of Sollux. You can’t and won’t end your friendship with Sollux for him but going on and on about how much you need to protect another guy when your moirail is right there kind of makes you the bad guy in this situation.

The two urges of going after Gamzee to apologise and trying to reach Sollux over trollian vie for dominance and in the end you do neither. You make a kind of deal with yourself, you feel terrible for upsetting Gamzee and you know you’re pushing the limits of what any reasonable moirail could be expected to tolerate. You continuing to contact Sollux is unfair to Gamzee, especially as you’ve been assured that Sollux is okay and there’s nothing wrong by two different sources. So you won’t contact him again tonight but if he trolls you then you’ll talk to him.

He doesn’t troll you again that day.

Gamzee doesn’t come home until the small hours of the morning, you only wake up as he gets into bed with you. Guilty and sad with your defences gone thanks to sleep you just cling onto him and drift off again.

You dream about Sollux. The dreams go along in the hazy unfocused way that dreams tend to, in that there’s more focus on specific details and a lot of the rest is vague. You dream about his hands, they’re kind of delicate in their way with long, thin fingers. He’s never played an instrument but you always thought he’d be well suited to the piano because June has the same kind of hands. You dream about his teeth, he has such a nice smile when he’s sincere about it. When he was younger he had braces because his teeth weren’t even and it bothered him, he was religious about doing everything the orthodontist said because the idea of his teeth being uneven bothered him so badly.

Your wistful dreaming about Sollux shifts at some point in the night to you dreaming about your ancestor. He never says anything but he follows you just a half step behind you, never moving when you stop and look at him but following you after that. You’re not sure if he’s copying your every move or if you’re following him at one point. You walk over the ghost of a planet that you’ve never been to and no longer exists anymore anyway.

In the morning Gamzee getting up to shower jars you out of your bizarre dreams about Signless and you reach for your palmhusk to check the time. As you do you see that Sollux has trolled you about five minutes ago, maybe the noise woke Gamzee.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: oh god ii thiink iim dyiing
TA: ii hurt iin mu2cle2 ii diidn't know ii had, dave ha2 broken me
TA: ii'm ju2t goiing two liie here and iif dave want2 me two go two the gym wiith hiim agaiin he can drag me there
CG: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
TA: ii need two pa22 thii2 phy2iical 2o dave put me through my pace2 ye2terday and
TA: oh god
TA: why
CG: WHY DID YOU EVEN SIGN UP FOR THIS?
TA: ii have two
CG: YOU DON'T THOUGH. OTHER PEOPLE DO THAT JOB, PEOPLE MORE PREPARED THAN YOU. IS SOMEONE MAKING YOU?
TA: no it2 ju2t
TA: fuck even typiing hurt2
TA: ii dont thiink they can run the mii22iion wiithout 2omeone who can do my job and iit2 a biig lo22 iif we have two leave thii2 planet
TA: though ii dont know why the captaiin a2ked me
CG: ME NEITHER. ALTHOUGH OFF OF THE TOP OF MY HEAD I CAN THINK OF A FEW THINGS THAT EXCLUDES A FEW OTHER PEOPLE WHO'D FIT THE BILL.
TA: liike why not hal??
CG: MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S HAD SURGERY? I DON'T KNOW. I'M SURPRISED THEY'RE LETTING YOU DO THIS AT ALL.
TA: thank2 a lot
TA: okay dave is liiterally tryiing two drag me out of bed
CG: TRYING?
TA: ii have retreated to the ceiiliing
CG: PRETTY SURE HE CAN JUMP, SOLLUX.

twinArmageddons [TA] disconnected from chat with carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Yeah, you’re going to bet he just got cut off from Dave grabbing him down from the ceiling.

You put your palmhusk face down on your bed and just lay there on your side for a bit, the sound of the water from Gamzee’s shower acting as a neutral background noise. You should get up and apologise to him about yesterday and you should probably leave Sollux alone too, if he’s fine and doesn’t need you then you don’t need to be chasing after him like you’re his lusus. His lusus or… anything else that you aren’t.

With a sigh you sit up and swing your legs over the side of the bed.

You need to say sorry and procrastinating won't get it done. The ablutionblock door is open, though you don't know why Gamzee left it that way. Not that there's anyone here but you and seeing your moirail naked isn't super unusual for you. Gamzee was hatched with a chronic lack of shame.

It's kind of funny actually, not Gamzee's shamelessness, but rather your living situation. The humans have very defined ideas of how people should live. You have families, little groups of parents and children although there is variance on that, and then as adults they either live alone if there's space or with hivemates if there isn't. Beyond that point they typically eventually move in with a romantic partner and the cycle starts again. Not all relationships go through that trajectory and humans can be as nonconforming as trolls. But it is reasonably space efficient, to have people cohabitating either as family, friends or romantically. Trolls on the other hand are a much more solitary species, territorial of their own space. At least you all used to be that way.

Having to shove your whole species onto spaceships meant that ships that used to carry a certain amount of people now had to carry more and so the trolls started doing what humans did. They moved in with their quadrants or if not that then close friend groups where you could trust each other. A lot of trolls opt to live with their moirail and see their other quadrants on more of a dating basis. Really the only time it's standard for trolls to live alone now is when they're kids and it's their lusus looking after them and even then they try to get lusii to parent a few kids if they can. In your case you only had to live with Kankri for maybe eight years or so before he graduated and moved out on his own. Other trolls you know were far closer to their dancestors, like Porrim and Kanaya who are only three years apart.

So, yeah, maybe it would have been weird to see your moirail naked back before Alternia was destroyed but now that you live together and sleep in the same bed it just sort of happens. Movement attracts your attention and you look up to see Gamzee getting out of the shower. He blindly reaches for a towel and then presses it to his face. He breathes in deep as he scrubs at his hair and the movement stretches his ribcage and bends the stars inked onto his skin. It's solid blackwork across half of his chest but when you get closer you can see tiny white stars here and there and a small shuttle in the dark with a little round window in it. He's told you before that the stars glow under blacklight. You prefer this tattoo to the one on his forearm, in that one a clown is leaning with his elbows on a table. He faces you and with one hand he's pulled off his face like a mask and behind it is the same black ink with the tinies specks of stars. That one unsettles you a little if you look at it too much.

His other arm has his sign inked on it in solid black, not that it's his. Or, you suppose it is technically since he has the same sign as his ancestor and his dancestor but it's meant to be Kurloz's sign. It was the first one he got as soon as he was legal to get tattoos, you held his hand when he got it. You don't think it hurt so much physically but a memorial tattoo is probably more painful for far more emotional reasons.

In the time you've been zoning out you realise that Gamzee has taken the towel away from his head to start drying the rest of him and realised that you're standing there.

"You awake in there?" he asks, his voice a deep rumble.

"Sorry, I spaced out." you explain.

"Aren't we all, man?" Gamzee says with a gesture around you.

"Yeah, I suppose. I wanted to- I need to apologise for yesterday. I was worried about Sollux but I didn't think about how that came off and I didn't mean to just trample all over your feelings like some tactless fucking buffoon. You're so good with me and I know I don't make it easy sometimes especially with him and I know lots of people wouldn't even let me talk to him and that's if these theoretical people would even agree to date me with all of my stupid conditions anyway and you're so good and..." you flail helplessly as you try to explain yourself.

"Breathe." Gamzee suggests as he rubs his arms down with the towel.

You draw in a deep breath and let it out. Try again.

"I'm really sorry. It was tactless and stupid of me and I don't like fighting with you." you apologise and your arms flop down at your sides uselessly, all the fight has burnt right out of you.

"We didn't fight." Gamzee points out.

"No, you left and then I followed you to be a complete asshole at you some more and then you left the hive instead of fighting with me. Because evidently you've got more self awareness and self control than I do these days." you say with a wide streak of spite towards your past self and maybe your present self too.

"Can't say it makes me super happy when you get like that but I know what you're about, always have. Apologising for who you are is stupid." Gamzee says and opens the mirrored cabinet on the wall and takes out his face paint and the brushes that go with it.

"Gamzee, those are filthy! Let me- hold on I washed some for you the other day. Give me those." you huff and take the brushes from his hands and scuttle out to one of the hallway cupboards and pull a clean batch of brushes out from where they'd been drying flat on a shelf in the cupboard with the towels and other things that you'd carefully stored away.

"Here." you say quietly and offer the brushes to him.

Gamzee pauses and then smiles at them, then you. It's a slow expression, a soft and warm smile. He leans down and kisses one of your stupid nubby little horns and takes the clean brushes from you. He doesn't say that you're forgiven or even that he was upset before but as Gamzee gets to painting his face you know that it's okay now. You set the dirty brushes aside to wash later and go get ready for work yourself. You only check your palmhusk when you're about to leave and Gamzee has already gone, but Sollux hasn't trolled you back.

Maybe you're just growing apart.

At work you have to deal with a lot of paperwork and then two meetings mediating between people who don't want to come to a compromise but have to. You shoot a few emails back and forth with Rose about a potential shared case, a guy with mental health problems is having a rough patch and you need to get ready to put forward the right information about him getting sick leave to deal with that which is hard given his position in the engine room. Nuclear physicists aren't exactly commonplace so trying to cover for an extended absence is hard, but you'll get it done.

You're partway through comparing schedules with a half drafted email up when your office door opens. You look up ready to yell at whoever is disturbing your concentration. Only... it's Sollux. He walks into your office and drops a recycled paper bag on your desk and then stiffly sits down with a wheeze of pain.

"If Dave asks you if you've seen me, you haven't." Sollux says quickly.

"What?" you ask, completely thrown.

"I've spent all morning having this stupid goddamn psych exam to prove that I'm not crazy for doing this and this afternoon Dave wants to torture me to death." Sollux groans.

"What did the docterrorist say?" you ask, your eyebrows creeping up your head in surprise.

"Wow, fuck you. I tell you Dave is going to torture me to death and you're all like 'oh cool, what did you do this morning though?' seriously?!" Sollux demands.

"Yeah." you say flatly.

Sollux glares at you, you are unaffected.

"Still bipolar, obviously. But other than that I'm totally mentally healthy." Sollux shrugs and psionically floats a sub out of the bag.

"Seriously? Did you tell him about Aradia?" you ask incredulously.

"Get fucked." Sollux says loudly through a mouthful of sub.

"I'm serious." you insist.

Sollux rolls his eyes and makes a long suffering noise of irritation. After that he floats his drink out of the bag and takes an obnoxiously long sip before answering you.

"Yes, I told him about that. I am within the normal range of 'sad about break up' and actually wanting to do a new thing is a good sign especially as I'm not doing it to be around her. I don't think I'll even be working anywhere near her since she's rocks and I'm going to be fixing things that aren't working right in their job of doing stuff to rocks. I don't know, I'm not a geologist or an archeologist. So I'm cleared to do the mission thing." Sollux explains.

You make an uncertain face and reach into the bag to get your own lunch because it's clear that Sollux brought food for you too.

"Still not going to ask about the torturing me to death thing?" he prompts you.

"By 'torturing to death' do you mean that he's making you work out?" you ask him as blandly as possible.

"I hurt in places I didn't know I could hurt. I didn't know how many tiny little muscles I had until today, little support ones like here." Sollux says and points to the places between his ribs and then several other different muscles as well.

"Are we talking injured here or just sore?" you ask uncertainly.

"I'm talking TORTURED TO DEATH. I told Dave today about all these little ones hurting so bad and he was like that's great it means I’m doing it properly and 'engaging my core' whatever that means and then he forced me to do sit ups until I begged for my lusus to save me. Hal took pictures." Sollux whines.

"I can believe that. Never trust a Strider with a camera. Or without one." you say thoughtfully.

"Everything hurts." Sollux whimpers and slides a little lower in his seat.

You take another bite of your lunch and try to swallow the feeling that's been lingering the whole time but it doesn't go down as easy as your sandwich.

"And uh," Sollux says to his food instead of to you, "I wanted to say sorry. For yesterday, I mean."

"What?" you blurt out without thinking.

"Well, I... I dragged you to the funeral like that and then Terezi said you were pretty panicked when she took me away and I was MIA for ages and I only sent you a few messages and Dave said you were really worried. Yesterday was a lot and after Dave torturing me to death I kind of just came home, ate a crazy amount of pizza and passed right out. I know you, you were probably panicking and I didn't make that easier." Sollux says, still to his lunch.

"So, you know, sorry." he says with a shrug and then a wince.

You stare at him a little speechless.

"Are... we still friends?" Sollux asks, actually looking around at you with concern on his face this time.

"Of course we are, always." you say without needing to think, and a guilty part at the back of your mind would rather not think about this at all.

"Good." Sollux nods and goes back to his lunch.

You pick a slice of onion off of your desk from where it’s fallen from your lunch and eat it, your mind wanders as you do so. Possibly to distract you from the fact that you’re just eating a slice of raw onion by itself.

“I’m kind of glad that the psychiatrist gave you the all clear. Well, not kind of, I am. I have to admit that after the Aradia thing and the sudden fascination with what Dave’s doing… I was worried you weren’t handling things well.” you admit.

“I want to be mad but… yeah, that’s fair.” Sollux sighs and takes his frustrations out on his sandwich by biting off a huge chunk of it.

“Well, I’m glad that you’ve stopped thinking there’s some big Dave conspiracy as well as with Gamzee, Aradia and that other guy. Fozzer.” you feel a little bad for forgetting his name there, you’re good with names.

Sollux bolts upright in his seat and turns on you, waving his sandwich at you as he struggles to swallow the stupid amount of food he bit off.

“No!” Sollux finally gasps, “He’s ABSOLUTELY still involved in something and I’m still going to find out what it is! I got answers yesterday but to questions I wasn’t even asking and about entirely unrelated things. I think? Okay, tangentially related but there’s still mystery and I need to know.”

You smack your head on your desk and groan in agony.

“Signless didn’t die horribly for the most minute trace of his DNA to reoccur in me and my dancestor just for you to come into my office and subject me to this. Gamzee’s whole religion is fucking wrong, no deity would allow this to happen.” you wail into your furniture.

“Shut up. Also I called Dave on being a liar and his response was only more infuriating, but he’s stuck with me now and I’ll figure this out. Assuming he doesn’t torture me to death first with training. Which he might. If I die you have to flip off everyone at my funeral and make sure Terezi prosecutes Dave for killing me.” Sollux insists, uncaring about the amount of agony you’re in.

“I hate talking to you, why do I ever do it? I hate me for talking to you.” you complain as you lift your head off of your desk just so you can glare at him.

“Talking to me is the best thing that ever happens to you.” Sollux retorts.

You consider that for a moment, then stand up and lean over your desk so you can poke him in the stomach causing him to wail in agony and nearly fall off of the chair trying to get away from you and flips you off with both hands as he leaves.

Yeah, he hasn’t changed.

You feel a little lighter for Sollux’s unprompted visit and free lunch, a little less like you’re losing your oldest friendship.

On the topic of maintaining friendships you figure that you have another that could use some work.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: DAVE.
TG: karkat
CG: I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY FOR YESTERDAY.
TG: oh
TG: i wasnt expecting that i thought this was some weird vaguely threatening bit you were doing
CG: NO, LOOK, SOMETIMES I'M AN ASSHOLE AND I REALIZE THAT AND I WAS AN ASSHOLE YESTERDAY AND I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. SO, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO IMPLY THAT YOU WERE PROFESSIONALLY INCOMPETENT OR THAT YOUR JOB IS LESS THAN IN ANY WAY. OR THAT YOU WERE CONSPIRING TO GET MY BEST FRIEND KILLED BECAUSE YOUR JOB IS ALSO IMPOSSIBLY DANGEROUS.
CG: I WAS PANICKED AND STUPID.
TG: man you really dont have to make such a big deal out of everything
CG: NO, I DO. YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND I DON'T WANT YOU THINKING THAT I GENUINELY THINK THAT STUFF.
TG: its fine
TG: really it is
TG: and im not going to get your boy killed
TG: nepetas made it real clear that i have to train him to pass the physical and then when hes on planet with me hes my responsibility so thatll be fun
CG: OKAY BUT YOU BEING IN CLOSE PROXIMITY TO SOLLUX FOR LONG STRETCHES OF TIME...
CG: DOES THAT MAKE HIS ODDS OF SURVIVAL GO UP OR DOWN? ARE YOU GOING TO STRANGLE HIM ON SOME ALIEN WORLD?
TG: well i live with him and ive not tried to strangle him yet
TG: hes actually fine to live with to be honest i take less psychic damage than i do living with rose he doesnt interrogate my mental wellbeing and make notes on my answers
TG: but you know how it is two guys on a celestial body and there are rocks there
TG: things get crazy i mean would that be fucked up or what
CG: ...WHAT?
TG: nevermind anyway sollux is cool and i like living with him
CG: OH, YOU'RE WELCOME THEN, I GUESS.
CG: I HESITATE TO SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT ROSE BECAUSE I'M SOMEHOW CONVINCED THAT SHE'LL KNOW.
TG: lets not rule it out
CG: IN A FINAL EFFORT OF MAKING PEACE I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT SOLLUX JUST HAD LUNCH WITH ME AND AFTER I JABBED HIM IN THE STOMACH FOR MOCKING ME HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO YOU SO YOU CAN 'TORTURE HIM TO DEATH'.
TG: oh cool because he was supposed to be here like twenty minutes ago
TG: i would make him run out of spite but if hes just eaten i think ill wait
CG: HAVE FUN WITH THAT, TRY NOT TO BREAK HIM IRREPARABLY.
TG: no im going to break him in small increments so he improves and then break him more until he can pass the test
TG: if i break him the once completely i ruin the whole thing
TG: you gotta have the long game karkat
CG: I'M VERY GLAD I'M BEHIND A DESK NOW THANKS.
TG: oh speak of the nerd and he appears
TG: gotta go break him now B)
CG: YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR SUNGLASSES ANYMORE, THAT DOESN'T WORK.
TG: i said
TG: B)
TG: ... wait no >B)

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Seeing Sollux has eased some of the worry that was building in your chest and weighing you down, with your pumpbiscuit feeling far lighter you return to your work, helping people with their problems and settling disputes. You get into such a groove with your work that it’s several hours before a knock on your door jolts you back to the present.

A familiar head peeks around the door, a teal lady who’s a decent number of years older than you. You helped her a while back with getting accommodations for her job as she slowly returned to work after pretty major surgery. You smile at her and her name immediately pops into your head.

“Triana, how are you?” you ask.

“I’m fine, thank you. I was hoping you might be able to help someone out for me.” Triana says and steps into your office, showing the gruff looking bronzeblooded man behind her who’s hulking bulk is taking up your whole doorway.

“I’ll try, what’s going on?” you ask.

“Sweetheart, come on. Karkat listens, I’m telling you he’ll help.” Triana urges the man gently.

“I doubt it, but fine.” the man mumbles and walks into your office.

Triana closes the door after him and then sits down primly in a seat next to him.

“Karkat, this is my matesprit Monoti. He’s been having problems getting through to people lately and he was telling me all about it and I know that if anyone can help it’s you.” Triana says, her voice soft and understanding as always.

“You’re making it sound like I’m breaking down crying at work, that’s not it.” Monoti huffs.

“Well, how about you tell me what the problem is yourself then?” you suggest and start to type his first name into your husktop.

Monoti scrubs at the back of his head with a large hand and sighs.

“You know about the guy who died, right? Vikare?” Monoti asks.

“I- yeah, of course. I didn’t know him personally but my moirail’s a heavy sailor so he knew him. If it’s grief counselling you’re looking for I know some very good people.” you say.

“No, it’s not that. Well- eh, no. Look, I run PPEE, it’s my department.” Monoti says.

“That’s Personal Protective Engineering Equipment, they deal with respirators, gloves, space suits, anything that a person wears that protects them.” Triana explains for you quickly.

You nod and pull his file up on your system, he’s in charge of a good number of people and it’s not a private firm. This is core ship work the same as yours is.

“Alright, go on.” you prompt him.

“Supposedly the guy died because his helmet came off. That’s a big fucking problem, they’re not meant to do that outside. It’s kind of the whole point. Yet everyone’s getting told it was some error on our part but there’s been no investigation, no one’s come to talk to us, there was nothing. I’ve not even seen his suit and with any sailor or anyone who’s out there for more than a little bit they get a custom suit to stop things like this happening. I’ve not seen Vikare’s suit since he died.” Monoti tells you.

“Is that unusual? I know deaths like this aren’t common, from what I heard it’s being treated like a freak accident. But if someone died or was hurt with your gear would you get it back?” you ask him thoughtfully.

“Yeah, we would! If there’s a problem with the suits, a weakness or a flaw I need to know. I need to know if it was just one part that slipped inspection and either find who inspected it and messed up or put a new check in place for those inspections so this doesn’t happen again. If it was a bad batch of some tech I need to know what else those parts are in, is every other suit out there a ticking time bomb or not?” Monoti shouts, his gestures wide and angry.

“That’s… concerning. What have you done so far? Where are we at here?” you ask and Monoti stares at you.

“Everyone else I’ve talked to just says it’s fine and that these things happen, that I should let it go. You’re not going to…?” Monoti trails off and glances at his matesprit who is wearing a look that very clearly conveys ‘I told you so’.

“Are you kidding me? No. Let’s say it is all fine and someone’s worked out that whatever happened doesn’t involve your department, not being allowed to see that for yourself is a huge mental burden to put on you for zero fucking reason. You’re right, if it was your department’s responsibility then you need to know and if it wasn’t you need the weight of a man’s death off of your mind. My guess would be that someone in the chain of investigating the death just forgot to cross a T somewhere and you just didn’t get notified and they’re now acting like you have been and you’re badgering about a closed case. It’s dumb but it happens.” you assure him.

Monoti nods a little numbly for a moment and when he speaks next his voice is quieter.

“I tried talking to our HR person, Galeer, but he said it was a matter for Internal Investigations not him and he couldn’t get access but if there was a problem I’d know. So, you know, get lost. I tried talking to External Maintenance, the people who were responsible for the work Vikare was doing but they said all his stuff went with the emergency department. I talked to them and they said they can’t tell me where his stuff is because I’m not next of kin, privacy laws and whatever, but that likely law enforcement dealt with it. I tried talking to law enforcement but because it’s not my property they won’t help me.” Monoti says, sounding hopeless.

You think for a few moments, trying to work out your best move here.

“Okay, upfront I’ll say that Galeer probably was right in the sense that no news is good news. My guess would be that someone has already looked at the suit and worked out it was something that has nothing to do with you. BUT, I’m going to look into this for you because if I was in your shoes that’d drive me shithive maggots not knowing. I know a few people in related departments that might help me out with this, I’ve got some friendly faces here and there and I think if I spend a few hours on this I can dislodge whatever information was supposed to go to you and didn’t.” you tell him.

“You’re going to look into it?” Monoti asks in surprise, you wonder how stonewalled he’s been up until now, or how heavily this has been weighing on him.

“Absolutely, no matter what happens I’ll keep you updated on what I find.” you nod.

“Thank you. That’s- I really appreciate it.” Monoti says quietly.

“Thank you so much, Karkat.” Triana says with a smile.

“It’s my job, don’t worry. Is everything alright with your work now too, Triana?” you check.

“Everything’s just fine, thank you for asking. Now if you don’t need anything else from us we’ll get out of your hair.” she says and stands.

“I’ve got everything I need for now.” you tell them both.

The pair thank you gratefully and Monoti has that look like he’s still amazed that you listened to him, it always hurts when you see that. Even if everything was fine and he was worrying over absolutely nothing it costs you zero goddamn dollars to listen to another person and take their concerns seriously.

You look at your now shut office door as you consider your next move carefully. You pick your desk phone up and dial a familiar number without having to double check it.

“Pyrope.” Terezi’s voice grates down the line and into your hearduct

“Terezi, I have a question but I think I already know what you’re going to say to me but just on the off chance that you can be really helpful I have to ask.” you say.

“Hmm, ok, what’s the answer you think I’m going to give?” she asks.

“I think you’re going to say: ‘Karkat, I’m criminal law, you clearly need Internal Investigations who definitely won’t talk to you’, that’s what I think you’re going to say.” you answer her and lean back in your chair a little.

“That does sound like something I’d say. What’s the question?” Terezi asks in that hissing little laugh she does.

“You know Vikare? The dead guy? I think something went sideways with the investigation into his death. I’ve just had a guy up here from PPEE, the people who make the suits, and since his death is being treated as some failure of that they want to know what they did wrong. You know, so they don’t kill more people. But he’s not heard anything and whenever he tries to reach out to find out or to get the suit back he gets stonewalled. Can you help?” you ask hopefully.

“Karkat, I’m criminal law, you clearly need Internal Investigations who definitely won’t talk to you. Everyone is really touchy about that case so I’d suggest you drop it.” Terezi advises you.

That makes you pause.

“Why are people more touchy about his death than usual? Is something off about it?” you ask her slowly.

“I didn’t say that.” Terezi tells you firmly.

“Terezi, a man died. My moirail and several of our friends are going out soon in these same suits, if there’s something wrong with them-” you start.

“If there was something to know then it would have been filtered down to the people who need to know. If your person doesn’t know then there you go.” she says.

“Need to know basis.” you guess.

“Right.” Terezi confirms.

“So, did you need to know or do you just know that you can’t know and that they definitely won’t let me know?” you ask her after a moment’s pause and you’re very grateful that you’re out of cane drubbing distance for the moment.

“I know that it’s not a criminal matter. I have actual work to do, Karkat.” Terezi says bluntly and hangs up on you.

Oooh, she doesn’t know and she’s annoyed about that. Interesting. You’ve definitely massively upped your chances of being smacked by a cane out of nowhere when you didn’t know she was nearby, still, it seems worth it.

For the sake of it you call up Internal Investigations and get stonewalled just as you thought you would. HR gives you a lot of reach but classified is still classified unless you have very good reason to find out. Internal Investigations hasn’t done anything provably wrong that Monoti could register a complaint about and you need that kind of complaint to get any serious teeth to sink into Internal Investigations. They just blandly suggest that you come back if and when you have cause to look through their records but assure you they’ve done everything properly and no they won’t check for you.

So, no help from Terezi, no help from Internal Investigations. You could try the emergency services but patient confidentiality will just slap you in the face and you’ll get nowhere with that. You need inside information and you have an idea about where to get it.

The engineering section of the ship is pretty varied, given that it maintains and repairs this ship as well as builds others bit by bit to assemble externally. But there’s core operations like that but also private companies who deal with more niche research or bid for the work to do specific things for the ship without being internally owned. You’re headed for one such workshop.

Strider Enterprises started out as a two person company- well, no. Technically it started out with Hal working there too but seemingly you can’t have all three of the triplets together without someone trying to maim someone else with a wrench. As far as you know Hal still does some software work for them on the side but the business is primarily run by Roxy and Dirk now. What started out as that little operation has grown crazy fast into the sole provider of robotic tech to the ship’s external operations and employs about thirty people now. You consider it a personal merit that you’ve never had to come here for a complaint, which given that you know Dirk, is somewhat surprising.

Strider Enterprises is abuzz with activity as you walk through the doors, you can see Dirk on the upper level so you go up there. The robot he’s standing by is technically a little smaller than him but far wider and bulkier. Roxy has a cable jammed into it and seems to be in the middle of a heated discussion with her brother.

“No, I’m not saying you can’t do it in the sense that I doubt your abilities, I’m just saying that no one is going to let you set off an EMP in the middle of- Karkat.” Dirk cuts himself off as he sees you coming.

“Set what off in Karkat? Oh, hi Karkat.” Roxy looks around the machine at you.

“I definitely didn’t hear whatever you were just saying since it’s very loud in here.” you state flatly.

“Oh good. What’s with the visit?” Dirk asks.

“Hi, Karkat. It’s so nice to see you, what brings you here?” Roxy asks louder, like it’ll mean you didn’t hear Dirk.

“I need some information from people technical enough to know what I’m looking for.” you explain.

“We’re kind of busy preparing for the upcoming mission, we don’t really have time for chit chat.” Dirk says bluntly.

“Yeah, except if I can’t find out the answer to this I’m not sure how safe the upcoming mission is.” you say and that sure as hell gets their attention.

“What’s wrong exactly?” Roxy asks and wheels over to you on the small rolling chair that she’s sat on, you guess it was more comfortable than leaning all the way over to work.

“You know the guy who died, Vikare?” you ask and both of them wince.

“Not personally, no. But we were both there when Dave hauled ass out to try to save him. What about him?” Roxy asks.

“Supposedly something to do with his suit killed him, can you tell me anything about that? Have you seen his suit?” you ask hopefully.

“No, that’s not the kind of tech we do. You’re looking for the PPEE department, you should talk to the guy in charge there. Monoti I think. They do suits and dermal tech that interfaces with sailors as well as masks and other protective stuff like this. If anyone got the suit it’d be his department.” Dirk says and pulls his gloves out of his belt to demonstrate.

“Yeah, I’m asking because he’s not heard anything but supposedly it was his department’s problem.” you explain.

“That’s… weird.” Roxy says slowly.

“Yeah, and everyone he tries to talk to shuts him out. I’ve had about as much luck. I don’t even know enough about the suits to know what I’m looking for here.” you tell them both.

“I’ve been wondering about that, actually. The way the suits are designed the helmet, boots and gloves of the suit lock together like a twist and lock system. But that system is supposed to jam shut the moment you pass the airlock so you can’t hit something and accidentally remove something. Even if it was a suicide attempt it shouldn’t have been possible for him to actually make it a successful one.” Dirk says.

“But I don’t think people said it was suicide though, right? Though an error in the air filtration could have given him carbon monoxide poisoning and given him delusions that made him take the helmet off.” Roxy points out.

“An air problem and the suit not locking? Occam's Razor, that takes two things to go wrong at the same time.” Dirk counters her.

“Maybe that’s why it’s a freak accident, but if there’s a problem with whatever tells the helmets they can’t come off or with the air filtration and Monoti can’t check all the other suits including Dave’s then we’ve got a problem here.” you say.

“But if it’s not a freak accident then it means he bypassed the suit’s locking mechanism himself, or someone else did. It’d be simpler but it’s definitely worse.” Roxy says gravely.

“Terezi said it wasn’t a criminal case though, but I also got the feeling that she wasn’t involved.” you say thoughtfully.

“You’re thinking they’re covering up for someone?” Roxy asks.

“It’s some kind of cover up. Listen, I didn’t know the guy but I do know he was big into becoming a sailor. There’s a bar down the way called the Wild Rover, it tends to get a mix of engineers from nearby and sailor types. I bet you that someone there would know Vikare, or at least hopefully they’d know him enough to know if he deliberately tampered with his own equipment or if someone else did.” Dirk suggests.

“But if someone else did it then why would Vikare try to take the helmet off at all?” Roxy challenges him but Dirk just shrugs.

“I’ll go see if anyone will talk to me. Do you know what usually happens to suits after they’ve been decommissioned?” you ask.

“I’d assume the things that can be reused would be recycled but I guess it’d be specialist work. Isn’t that uh… oh God, her name’s gone. Um. You know, Kanaya’s older sister. Dancestor.” Roxy snaps her fingers as she tries to call the word to mind.

“Porrim, yeah that might be her line of work. I know she makes the custom suits, or the fabric part anyway. Okay, thanks. I’ll go to that bar now, I appreciate the help.” you nod.

“Good luck, here’s hoping it’s not a horrible murder cover up or anything.” Dirk says with a wave.

You shake your head and walk off, just catching Roxy bringing up using an EMP again. You walk a little faster so you don’t hear anything dangerous at all.

You find the Wild Rover easily enough, Dirk gestured to the direction pretty clearly and it’s not like there’s an awful lot of social spaces down in this part of the ship. On top of all that you can HEAR the place from a good way away they’re blaring a lot of loud music but it sounds like the kind of songs that Gamzee sings sometimes.

Ducking inside the bar you find that the bar is a unique mishmash of troll and human, not just in the patrons but in terms of the decor. There’s things stuck to the walls here and there that you’re pretty sure are relics from Earth and Alternia. As you walk to the bar itself you note that the bar as a whole is on average representing an inverse bell curve on the hemospectrum. There’s loads of warmblooded trolls, a small spike in ceruleans and then just purples. It’s not like things are totally better from when your ancestor was around but it’s still a little odd to see a group this diverse without any midtones to balance it out. Odd.

You lean on the bar and wait for the barman to notice you. It doesn’t take too long for you to get his attention, the older rustblood lumbering closer with a customer service smile at you.

“What can I get you?” he asks.

“Hi, I know this might be a stretch but I’m from HR, don’t worry there’s not a problem here or anything.” you amend quickly.

“We don’t have problems here.” the barman says simply.

“Good. Glad to hear it. I- did you know Vikare? Vikare Ratite?” you ask.

“Yeah, I did. Poor kid didn’t deserve to go that way. He was in here all the time, trying to hang out with the sailors and whatnot.” the barman says unhappily, you read his name off of his ID real quick, Gaamor Uspeir.

“How did that go down?” you ask, treading the line between tactful and probing.

“Him dying or him being here?” Gaamor asks, raising an eyebrow as he does so.

“Both.” you say and you’re certain that somehow, somewhere Sollux must have got a tingle up his posture pole.

“It was a shame when he died, like I said he didn’t deserve to go that way. We’ve got a picture of him up on the wall up there. People didn’t mind him hanging around, it wasn’t like that.” he assures you.

“So he was well liked? No grudges with anyone?” you check.

“No, nothing like that. Look, what is this about?” he asks, setting his hands on the bar so he can look down at you intensely.

Your eyes flicker over his forearm, there’s some mark there. A scar or something? But it looks like it’s in a design of some kind. Gaamor seems to notice you looking and leans forward, one arm crossed over the other on the bar so you can’t see his arm.

“I’m just trying to find out what happened is all.” you answer innocently enough.

“I’m pretty sure Kuprum is in here somewhere, he was there when it happened. You’d want to talk to him, I think he’s out back. Let me see. You stay here.” the bartender tells you and heaves himself away before you can say anything else.

The bar seems to meet the back wall and then go further back to what you’d assume is a storeroom of some kind. Why Kuprum who you know works with Sollux and liaises with the sailors would be back there you don’t know. Suspicion makes the back of your neck tingle and despite being told to stay where you are you follow the barman in the direction he left but on your side of the bar.

As you get close to the wall you can see there’s a door there, it’s made from the same paneling at the rest of the wall and with so much visual clutter on both, you could hardly make out the edges but it’s there. Before you get too close to it your way is suddenly blocked by a tall purpleblooded troll that you’ve seen from pictures and videos that Gamzee’s taken and sent to you over the years. She’s friends with him but you’ve never met her, you think her name is Chahut. You can’t see her ID with how long her hair is and where her horns hang which is technically against regulations, your ID should be visible, but you’re not going to call her on that right now.

“Hey, I think I know you. You’re Gamzee’s little diamond, aren’t you?” she asks, her body in the way of the door.

“I am. Hey, can I get back there?” you ask, nodding in the direction of the door she’s blocking.

“Back where?” Chahut asks, playing dumb.

“Back through that door that you’re blocking.” you say and point at it.

“Oh that? That’s employees only.” Chahut shrugs.

“Really. Gaamor just said that Kuprum was back here and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t work here. Also, I’m HR, so technically I work everywhere.” you point out.

Chahut leans in close to you and you can feel it, the shadows getting deeper and longer. She’s trying to voodoo you as subtly as she can but you’re well aware of how that works. You stand your ground and stare her down, it’s not that it’s not unnerving you but you’re not backing down. You’re pretty sure that if your ancestor could see this situation he’d approve of the bravery, especially as it’s not the death sentence it would have been in his day. You can almost feel him at your back as you do your best to outshine Chahut’s voodoos.

She jerks back and split second after that the door behind her opens. Gaamor looks at you disapprovingly as he walks back into the bar on his side.

“Are you going to get your ass out of the way or what?” a gravelly voice asks from behind Chahut.

She steps back out of the way and you can see two goldbloods, one of them is Kuprum and one you don’t know but she’s clearly lost her sight to voidrot.

“He said you wanted to ask about Vikare or some shit like that, is that right?” Kuprum asks.

“Yeah, I have a few questions.” you tell him.

“What are you, a cop?” the rather dishevelled woman behind Kuprum says as she squints somewhere to the left of where you’re standing.

“No, I work for HR. I’m not a cop. I just need to ask some questions, can we sit down?” you suggest, there are tables in this bar.

“Fuck the cops.” the woman says instead and Kuprum rolls his eyes at her.

“You can’t just say fuck the cops. What do you have to offer the cops to make them fuck you, huh?” Kurprum challenges her.

“The last time I hinted at romantic attraction to a cop she hit me in the face with her cane and then licked my eye to ‘taste the failure’. So good luck with that.” you tell her with a wince at the memory.

The blank eyed troll snorts and doubles over laughing at your misfortune.

“This is Folkyl, she’s a gross trashbag of a troll and an embarrassment to trollkind. She’s my moirail.” Kuprum explains and ignores the way she backhands his chest for his insult to her.

You lead the pair to a table and all sit down, you make sure you’re not staring at Folkyl. Besides it being horribly rude to do so you’re going to guess she has the same attitude to being blind that Terezi does.

“So, about Vikare.” you start, right as the barman comes over with drinks for all of you despite you not ordering anything.

“What about him?” Kuprum asks you back.

“Let’s start off with what he was like. Did he have friends, quadrants, anything?” you ask.

“He was kind of a weirdo, really obsessed with flying.” Folkyl answers first.

“That’s not- I guess, yeah. He was nice. We were going to be repairing stuff together in the next mission but we weren’t friends or anything, not that I hated him either. He was uh… I mean, you know Jake, right?” Kuprum asks.

“Yeah, he’s my friend’s brother and he’s now married to another friend’s older brother. I was at the wedding, I know the guy.” you nod.

“He was kind of like him. Like, bright and friendly, didn’t shut the fuck up about stuff but he was fine. No one hated him or anything but I don’t think he had any quads either.” Kuprum tells you.

That’s interesting.

“Did he have any close friends?” you ask.

If he was like Jake then there’s a chance he could have the same problem with friendships. Almost everyone likes Jake but Jake has very few friends, it’s kind of hard to get to know the real guy.

“I don’t know, we weren’t that close.” Kuprum shrugs.

“Right. The barman said you were there when Vikare died, can you tell me what happened?” you ask.

“I wasn’t there, I was monitoring his comms and I got Dave to go check on him. Not much to say, he was there and then he died.” Kuprum shrugs.

“What was he saying or what did you hear that was so unusual that it made you get Dave involved?” you ask.

Kuprum sighs and hesitates and then instead of answering he picks up his drink and takes a long, slow sip from it. You don’t need Terezi’s detective skills to spot someone stalling.

“I don’t know. He was communicating about what he was doing as you’re supposed to and he just sounded off. I don’t really like thinking about it.” Kuprum says evasively.

“I can understand that but what do you mean by he sounded ‘off’? Were the comms not working right?” you press him.

“No, that was all fine.” Kuprum answers.

“Did he sound like he was high or drunk? Under the influence in any way?” you go on.

“He wouldn’t ‘ve done that.” Folkyl scoffs.

“Okay, but did he sound that way? Other things can cause that, I’m not accusing Vikare of anything here. I just need answers.” you insist.

“It just felt wrong. I had a gut feeling and I was right. Haven’t you ever had a gut feeling?” Kuprum demands, clearly defensive.

You look at Kuprum across the table and how uncooperative he’s suddenly being, you’re not looking around the room but you get the distinct feeling that a fair few people are watching this exchange.

“You expect me to believe that you sent Dave out there, as fast as he could possibly go, because you had a nonspecific ‘gut feeling’?” you ask him slowly.

“I was right. Where do you get off coming in here asking questions about this shit, huh? It’s all over with and you’re not a cop anyway!” he snaps at you.

“Because a man is dead and-” you begin to say but he’s apparently not done.

“And that sucks and he shouldn’t have been out there, I know. But I can’t do shit about it now and we’ve already got Sollux to take his place so it’ll all be fine and you can get lost.” Kuprum snaps.

You pause, Kuprum is sparking from how wound up he is but him dropping Sollux’s name right in there got your attention for sure.

“Sollux isn’t taking over his job. He’s not going outside the ship and repairing things like Vikare did, he’s just going on the next mission and that’s if he passes his test. Why would you bring that into this?” you ask him with a frown.

“Fuck off loser!” Kuprum snarls at you and marches towards the back of the bar again.

“Hey, real quick, does Kuprum work here?” you ask Folkyl before she can follow her angry moirail away.

Folkyl gives you a genuinely puzzled look and shakes her head.

“No, what? What kind of stupid question is that?” she snorts and walks off.

The pair of them go through that partially hidden ‘employees only’ door.

To say that the atmosphere of the bar has become unwelcoming would be an understatement so you leave before someone tries to throw you out.

It looks like you can write murder off of your likely conclusions. It’s possible that someone tried to kill him but given that the worst thing anyone seems to have to say about Vikare was that was eager to do his job it probably wasn’t that. No one mentioned any quadrants either so jealousy as a motive is pretty shaky as well.

You’d be wildly remiss to not factor in how clearly suspicious everything back there was, you get the impression that Kuprum was told just who you are and why you were there before he was brought out of that secret back room. But even given that you don’t think they were being technically untrue about Vikare as a person, instead the details of his death are just weirdly vague. Whatever they know they’re not telling you.

You have no hints as to why Vikare would be deliberately killed and no indication that he’d take off his helmet on purpose but even if he had done that there’s no obvious reason he should have been able to. The answers all the sailor types are giving you are shady as all hell but not incriminating. You’ve got no suit, it wasn’t sent to the Striders. The next place to try would be Porrim, then.

Porrim’s primary business is fashion, hand producing her own garments but also designing patterns that can be digitally transferred so ships far, far, away from here can reproduce her work. However she does custom make every personalised space suit and all survival gear that the sailors use. There are standard spacesuit sizes that are used in an emergency and are stationed at every airlock but for anyone who needs them with any regularity they get custom fit.

It makes sense, a poorly fitting space suit can be a death sentence and she prides herself in her fittings. She won’t have made all of the mechanical parts of the suit but the textiles are all her and if anyone’s blaming the suit for Vikare’s death she’ll be invested in getting to the truth.

The journey to her workshop isn’t all that far, she has a boutique in the fancier retail district but the real work is done here. Stepping through the doorway you find a good number of trolls hard at work cutting fabric, pinning things together, sewing. It’s a real hub of industry.

“Can I help you?” a human woman with long, straight, black hair asks.

“I’m Karkat Vantas, I’m from HR. I need to speak to Porrim.” you explain.

“We don’t have any problems that need HR.” the woman drawls and holds her tablet a little closer to her chest which just happens to show off a cutesy sticker with a sewing needle that reads ‘snitches get stitches’.

Oh boy you should probably talk to Porrim about whether or not you need to come back here in a professional capacity.

“I need to speak to her.” you repeat yourself.

“Miss Maryam is far too busy to speak to anyone without an appointment and I know that you do not have an appointment.” the woman says in the voice of every popular girl bully who ever existed in shitty teen movies.

You stare her down for a moment but she just stares back. With a sigh and a roll of your eyes you shoot Porrim a message saying you need to see her about a possible problem with some work she did but you can’t get up to her right now because of-

“What’s your name?” you ask, since she’s blocking her ID with her tablet.

“Milan.” she answers, really stretching the ‘ah’ in the word.

Humans do have naming conventions although they’re baffling to most trolls. Even leaving aside how their names are gendered, which isn’t a thing for trolls. Karkat is a man’s name for you because you’re a man and it’s your goddamn name. But Rose? Rose is pretty much exclusively a female name although there are some exceptions. Humans have a habit of giving their kids either names of significant religious or mythological figures in their faith, or names that have previously occurred in their family. Or both! Like, take Dave for example. He told you before that his family has a tradition where the first boy in each generation is named David or Dave. Apparently his uncle was a Dave, his great grandfather too. It skipped a generation because they only had girls or something and obviously that rule didn’t technically work out with Dirk and Hal but it’s still a tradition. Then there’s humans who are like, yes, I shall name my child after a place that no longer exists and I have never been to either.

Humans, honestly. You finish your message to Porrim saying that Milan won’t let you past so if she could come rescue you from the situation that’d be great. With that message done you shove your palmhusk away and wait.

“Since you don’t have an appointment you should really leave. Or I can call security.” Milan says with a sneer.

“Nah. Porrim, hi.” you nod as you see Porrim’s office door open and watch her sweep graciously down the steps for you.

“Karkat, darling hi. How unexpected, Milan you really should have let me know he was here. Come with me.” Porrim says with a smile as she slides her arm around your shoulder and pulls you away with her as Milan watches in affronted shock.

“New assistant?” you ask quietly.

“Yes, she’s got an excellent memory for patterns and textiles but I think she watched too many human fashion movies. Very ‘Devil Wears Prada’.” Porrim sighs.

It’s not like people don’t still make movies, tv shows and books. There’s loads of that about and it’s considered important cultural work to do. But for both of your species there’s this traumatic faultline of the before and the after. When you’d been considering going into film instead of HR you’d been planning your thesis out on tropes in movies before and after that line.

Disaster movies are still a thing because escapism and a sense of horror are innate to both of your species, but it was a long time before people felt ready to show or see planetary destruction on film. Post apocalyptic movies still exist as they did before but they’re less gritty survivalism and the horror of mankind as they were before when zombie movies were a big thing with humans, now it’s about connection and hope, saving what you can. It’s fascinating. You know the movie that Porrim is referencing and the idea of those fictional but nonetheless realistic to some lives that were portrayed leaves you in a kind of starry eyed wonder. It all seems so innocent.

Even Porrim who lives for her art and her craft is part of the effort to sustain your species, to keep up the escape from the cataclysmic end chasing you all. But once there were people whose whole lives were just fashion. Movies from that time period are precious, both historically but also it’s a sense of naivety that you can never get back. So even though those movies are old they’re still watched in pursuit of a kind of pseudo-nostalgia. Honestly you could go on for days about this or indeed write that thesis that you dreamt of so much.

But… well, you didn’t go into film. Not that you don’t love your job, you love helping people. People always praised you so much for how good you were with people, how nice it was that you could help. Kankri also said it was a far better use of your time and pointed out that your ancestor died to help people, the least you could do was to work to help people and stop someone with less hemoequitable views from taking the position. Besides which, academia is hard and you’re still not sure what you would have done with your degree if you’d even gone for it.

You help people and you like that. Right now you have a job to do, even if it’s not technically any of the jobs that you have waiting for you on your desk.

Porrim leads you into her office and shuts the door. She gestures for you to take a seat on one side of her desk and she sits down on the other side. She slides a few empty mugs out of the way and a book of fabric swatches, enough space to set her elbows down and rest her chin in her palms.

“What’s going on then?” Porrim asks.

“You know about Vikare?” you ask as your starting point.

“The guy who died recently? Yes, of course.” she nods.

“I had Monoti from PPEE approach me about his suit, it seems like people are saying his death was a freak accident to do with his suit but he’s not heard anything about that. No one’s told him anything or investigated anything on his end and he’s been getting shut down every time he tries to ask and I’ve not had any better luck.” you explain.

Porrim's eyebrows raise at your words and for a moment she fidgets with her lip ring slightly.

“Are they saying it was our fault?” she asks after a moment.

“That’s the thing, he’s not heard anything. Everything has just been hearsay. Have you heard about his suit?” you ask again.

“No, not at all. We fitted it for him of course, same as everyone else with one. We’ve never had any safety problems escape checks at all. If my work got a man killed I want to know about it. Surely I would have heard?” Porrim says with a deep frown on her face.

“I’d hope so but it doesn’t seem like it. You guys check them regularly, right?” you ask, you’re pretty sure Porrim’s team are involved.

“Not me personally but, yes. For a suit used for external maintenance like that the wearer runs their own checks before and after each use. Between wears they’re handed in to keep them safe and someone from Monoti’s side checks the tech parts between uses and every twenty four hours of use time someone here checks the fabric parts since they suffer less stress than machine parts. Hold on.” Porrim types directly onto her desk display husktop and then projects a window up to you.

“See? Vikare’s suit was checked a few weeks ago, he should only have had ten hours of wear since one of my team checked our parts of his suit.” she says.

“And you haven’t seen the suit since then?” you question her although you suspect that you know the answer.

“Mmm, no. We never see suits when they’re decommissioned. Fabric for space suits has to be virgin fabric, there is no recycling and seam ripping there. It’s airtight, you can’t just poke holes in it and redo things. We also don’t want to reuse the fabric because if someone’s worn it on another planet it might be safe for people to be there but who knows what that foreign contaminants will do to the recycling process? I’m sure Monoti’s team probably melt and reuse the metal parts but not fabric. But, regardless, I would have thought it’d be with whoever investigated the death Internal Investigations most likely. Sorry.” she says.

You sigh and slump in your seat, all while Porrim regards you with concern.

“You don’t think it was an accident.” she says quietly.

“I don’t know what it was. No one seems to have a bad thing to say about him, just he was keen about space and friendly to people. I don’t think anyone murdered him but it doesn’t make sense that he both would choose to take his helmet off out there or that he could even do that. And I know that’s what happened because Sollux heard him die.” you say wearily.

“I… hadn’t heard about that.” she says, clearly even more in the dark than you were.

“Yeah. Keep it to yourself though. I can’t get any straight answers on this and this smacks way more of people hiding something than just a form not being sent on to the right people which was what I’d thought this was at first. All of that means I have to go have a conversation that I really don’t want to have. Thanks for talking to me Porrim.” you sigh and get to your feet.

“What conversation are you going to have?” she asks warily.

“I’m going to have to ask Nepeta if her people are covering up the circumstances of a man’s death.” you tell her grimly.

Porrim looks pretty horrified for you which is understandable, you’re horrified for you.

Technically speaking you shouldn’t be able to get to where Nepeta is, you need authorisation. In order to get authorisation you need a good reason to be here which you don’t technically have. However Nepeta’s office and the war rooms are through the same security checkpoints as Disciple’s place and the staff there are more than used to seeing you and waving you through without a second thought.

In their defence you’re normally not the type to bend rules quite this much.

As it is you knock on the door to Nepeta’s office and then enter without pausing, you do make an effort to avert your eyes from whatever planetary information is currently being projected above the table that Nepeta and Polypa are facing. In fairness, even if you did care about whatever planet that is, you lack the skills and knowledge to say anything more interesting than ‘that sure is a planet’.

Nepeta dismisses the projection in a hurry and scowls at you.

“Karkat! You can’t be here!” she insists.

“I know, but I need to talk to you privately. It’s urgent.” you say.

Nepeta flounders for a moment, exchanging a look with a clearly unimpressed Polypa. Eventually she seems to decide in your favour as Nepeta grabs you by the arm and pulls you out of the room, across the hall and into a vacant meeting room.

“This had really better be important.” Nepeta tells you, she missed the chance to stress the ‘paw’ sound in that, she must be annoyed.

“This is about Vikare.” you say simply.

“That’s not any of your business, not to mention a closed case that you don’t have the clearance to be poking around in anyway. I wanted to not believe all this I’d heard about you asking people questions about him.” Nepeta says with a frown.

The fact that people are reporting back to her about that definitely puts another tally in the cover up theory.

“The head of PPEE came to me, as far as he knows his tech somehow killed Vikare and he’s heard nothing to the contrary. It’s driving him crazy and I don’t blame him. He’s not seen the suit or got any report on it and no one I’ve talked to can come up with an answer for why Vikare died in the first place. If his suit was faulty that’s one thing and Monoti needs to know about that but it still doesn’t explain why Vikare took his helmet off.” you tell her.

“And who told you he did that?” Nepeta challenges you.

Right, that’s not information that’s officially out.

“Two different sources that I trust. I’m not saying that you have to put all this in the news or anything but if there’s a fault in the suits that’s the kind of thing that needs to be shared with the right people.” you insist, waving over Sollux and Dave as your sources there.

“Everything is dealt with, this is a closed case.” Nepeta says flatly.

“But the people who made his suit know nothing about how Vikare died and this whole case is weird as shit.” you argue.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion on the case, a case which is closed. You need to leave.” Nepeta says and moves to put her arm around your back to usher you out, you dodge out of her way so she can’t move you.

“I’m not leaving until I get the answers that Monoti needs. What was it? The suit failed and psych dropped the ball in assessing him? Did he sabotage his own suit AND psych missed that? Did something happen to his suit that made him hallucinate and someone else sabotaged his suit? What? None of this adds up! I need answers!” you snap.

“This is above you, Karkat. We’re friends and my ancestor cares about you, but I still outrank you here and you need to leave.” Nepeta hisses.

“No. How about this? Either you release the information about how Vikare died to me and Monoti or I’ll demand a public inquiry into his death, one that calls into question the safety and integrity of all the suits here since you won’t tell me what the problem is. You can kiss your mission window goodbye. If there’s nothing to hide why are you being like this?” you ask as calmly as you can.

“You wouldn’t.” Nepeta breathes.

“You think I’m willing to risk the life of my moirail, of my friends, of YOU on that mission if I think there’s some critical failure with the suits or someone running around sabotaging them? You think I’ll let that happen?” you retort.

Nepeta’s stare pins you in place but you can’t back down. Sollux was right, something is off here and you’re not willing to see people die if it’s something bad. You’re not willing to let her risk people’s lives for some resources from some rock that you can get at basically any planet you pass by. There’s nothing special about this next planet. You know Nepeta, or you think you do at least, she wouldn’t risk lives like that for no good reason.

“Monoti and whoever at PPEE should have been told whatever they needed to know. If they haven’t I will see what I can send them.” Nepeta says quietly, her expression still steely.

“That’s all I wanted, that’s all he wants.” you tell her.

“Good. Now get out.” Nepeta orders you.

It’s not a request and you’ve pushed your luck enough. You leave before you’re thrown out and return to your office. Your thoughts weigh heavy on your mind, as well as the burdensome thought that you might have damaged your relationship with Nepeta.

When you get back you shoot Monoti an email to tell him that hopefully he should hear something soon and then bury yourself in the work that you probably should have spent the afternoon doing. You send Gamzee a message to let him know that you’re working late and not to worry about waiting for you or bringing you dinner back, you’ll sort yourself out.

Several hours past your shift Monoti sends you a message to let you know that he got the report back and everything is fine, he is exceedingly grateful and goes on for an embarrassing length of time about how his matesprit had said that you were good but he hadn’t truly believed her and how thankful he is that you took him seriously.

So, when you ask him to send you the report too he forwards it without question.

You lean back in your chair and read the report.

Vikare died from asphyxiation due to being exposed to space, you already knew that. There was a faulty part in his suit that was leaking carbon monoxide, this led to delusions and him mistakenly removing his helmet. They suggest that repeated exposure to the carbon monoxide led to him inadvertently damaging his suit and failing to check in properly. The carbon monoxide poisoning was so acute that it caused his death between checks. There are no other parts from that batch of respirators on this ship and the ship’s staff are already in a consultation process to decide how best to stop this happening in future. The final verdict is that it is a tragic one off freak accident that was no one’s fault and the details have been kept quiet to avoid besmirching the reputation of Vikare as a careless sailor or inadvertently implying that this was his fault.

How… convenient.

You switch everything off in your office and leave. Instead of taking the train back home though you instead get on the line to Sollux and the Strider’s hive.

You knock on the door and it’s Dave who answers, his hair still wet and his white shirt sticking to him a little.

“Hey, Karkat. Are you here to-” Dave falters as sudden screams from the background interrupt him.

“NO! Nononononooooo!” Hal yells, half clambered onto the arm of the loungeplank as he desperately mashes buttons on his controller.

On the other side of the loungeplank Sollux is perfectly still aside from his fingers flying over the buttons, his eyes are narrowed behind his glasses as whatever intense digital confrontation is happening goes down. He’s got a towel slung around his shoulders and he’s so focused that he doesn’t even blink as water drips off of his hair and onto his glasses.

“Are you here to watch the nerd showdown?” Dave continues.

“Not exactly.” you say as Dave steps back and lets you follow him into the hive.

“You’re not winning this.” Sollux says in a slightly detached voice as he jams the buttons on his controller.

“Suck my dick CaaaaaaAAGH NO!” Hal slumps back in defeat as the console declares Sollux the winner.

“Let Sollux move in, you said. It’ll be fun, you said. There’s way more nerdy yelling now than when Rose lived here. Though fewer psychological attacks and unsettling insinuations.” Dave says flatly.

“I can ask Rose to coach me if you want.” Sollux offers with a smug little grin.

“Nah, man, the relationship where I school you at shit is just fine. You can’t just go around getting other Striders to school you.” Dave retorts.

“Certainly not Hal.” Sollux snickers.

“I will have my revenge.” Hal grumbles.

“Well, can I borrow Sollux so you can plot your revenge in peace?” you ask.

Sollux’s eyebrows raise in surprise, it’s pretty weird for you to demand to have a conversation with him in private, especially without telling him in advance.

“Sure. Hey, Dave, continue crushing Hal until I get back.” Sollux says and tosses Dave his controller.

“Please, like that’ll happen.” Hal smirks at Dave who suddenly seems to be taking this task seriously.

You wince a little bit for Sollux as he gets up in clear and obvious pain.

“Ow, ow.” he hisses.

“Gotta keep moving or you’ll seize up, keep stretching too.” Dave advises him and steals Sollux’s newly vacated seat.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on.” Sollux leads the way to his new room, though he’s clearly stiff and sore.

“Has Dave been pushing you too hard?” you ask worriedly as you close the door behind you.

“I hurt in places I didn’t know I had but it’s fine. What’s up? You seem pretty… intense?” Sollux asks as he looks you over.

“I… I need your help and I’m serious that this needs to stay between us. I don’t want you telling anyone about this, promise?” you ask.

Sollux is looking at you, wide eyed and worried. He still nods immediately, agreeing without hesitation.

“Anything. What’s wrong? I’m getting really worried here. Did- did something happen?” Sollux asks.

“Yeah, kind of.” you say and rub your neck.

“Karkat, if it’s this important you know I’m not going to give you shit, or judge you, or fly off the handle.” Sollux assures you.

You have a horrible feeling that he thinks this might be Gamzee related.

“You know the thing with Vikare? Can you tell me again what you heard?” you ask him carefully and he seems surprised at that question.

“I… sure. I heard him thinking about taking his helmet off, he was thinking weird shit about space and wanting to be out there or something. He wasn’t scared, even when he was dying he wasn’t. He saw Dave coming from him but there’s no way Dave was going to get there in time.” Sollux answers you.

“Did he sound high or drunk? Were his thoughts off like that?” you press him.

“Kind of. I don’t have a lot of experience hearing people die and knowing if they were drunk or out of their minds on drugs but generally people think like- it’s not exactly like how they’d talk but you get what I mean. His thoughts were weird as shit and he was clearly not in touch with reality. A normal person has their helmet come off and they’d lose it in panic but he didn’t. I know he wasn’t high or on drugs though, I saw his autopsy report.” Sollux says.

And there it is. You have one question left to ask.

“Was he poisoned by carbon monoxide?” you ask.

“Nope. Aside from spacing himself there was nothing wrong with the guy, even his psych reports were clean as anything.” Sollux says with a shake of his head.

“Yeah, well, I got involved in investigating this today and people have been shady as shit. I had to threaten Nepeta to get her to send this report to the people who made his suit. I don’t think I was supposed to see it but you definitely didn’t see this.” you say and hand your tablet to him.

“Didn’t see a thing.” Sollux says as he takes it.

The frown on his face deepens as he reads the report through and finally he looks up from it to stare at you.

“This is complete hoofbeastshit. It completely contradicts the autopsy and somehow this is no one’s fault so everyone please stop asking? No way in hell.” Sollux hisses.

“Right, that’s what I thought. But you shouldn’t have seen that autopsy report and I can’t show this to you, I sure as shit can’t stop the mission because as far as I can prove everything is fine.” you say miserably.

This whole situation is frustrating as all hell, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it and honestly you don’t understand what could really be going on here. The whole case makes no sense at all. Sollux hands you your tablet back and smiles at you.

“Then you need more proof. Proof we can both actually stand behind and not shit I hacked my way into and got caught. The mission’s going to go ahead and you can bet I’m going to be checking my stuff carefully but I’m more than happy to be your inside man. No one’s going to talk to you but if I pass this physical test then I’ll be one of them.” Sollux says conspiratorially.

“Yeah. Yeah… that sounds like a plan.” you say slowly.

Sollux grins at you, a competitive spark alight in his eyes and you know he’s pleased to have you with him on team conspiracy. You were supposed to be the voice of reason here but it’s not your fault that it seems like he was right for once.

Whatever is going on you’re not going to be left in the dark, you’re going to drag whatever this is into the light so you can see it for what it really is.

Chapter Text

As nice as it is to have Karkat on your side vis a vis the whole Vikare thing it doesn’t solve your current problem.

“How am I supposed to do this test if everything hurts?” you challenge Dave.

“This is why we’re stretching first.” Dave points out from where he’s sat on the floor with his legs at impossible angles as he lays his upper body on the floor in a way that shouldn’t be possible at all.

You’re just easing yourself down onto the floor when Dave jerks upright with a gasp.

“OH! I know what’d work, stay there!” Dave says and scrambles off towards a rack of what are probably torture implements on the wall.

The fact that Dave comes back with a tube covered in foam spikes and ridges does not dissuade you from this conclusion.

“I don’t know what that is but it looks like you shouldn’t be able to buy it if you’re under eighteen.” you tell him flatly.

“Given how it feels I can understand that. Look, it’s a foam roller. You seem like your back and legs are all tensed up so try this.” Dave says.

He sits down next to you on the mat and puts the spiky monstrosity on the ground just behind him. Curiously you reach out and poke it to find that it is foam with a decent amount of give to it, it’s still pretty firm though.

“Essentially what this does is poke your muscles in a way that makes them tense up a bit but because they can’t hold that under pressure it relaxes. So do it like this.” Dave instructs you and leans back over the roller.

You watch as he lifts his hips off of the ground and then walks his legs forward and back to roll the roller up and down his back. After that he sits up and holds himself on his hands to roll out his legs on this thing and you do actually catch him wincing a little then.

“That looks like it hurts.” you point out.

“It hurts so good.” Dave laughs a little weakly and flops back onto the mat.

“Hey, whatever you and Jade are into can stay between you two. I don’t see why you need to corrupt me.” you say sarcastically.

“Shut up, funny man. You try.” Dave tells you.

He puts the roller behind you now and gives you a shove to lean you back on it. You do what he says partly because it’s easier but also because you really ARE sore all over and you’d prefer not to be. You do as Dave did and immediately your back is alight with pain, you try to stop leaning on the cursed rolling torture device but Dave’s hand on your hip stops you.

Or rather, his hand stops you long enough for the pain to shift into blissful relief.

“Oh shit.” you choke out.

“It hurts so good, right?” Dave grins down at you.

“I didn’t, oh fuck, I didn’t come to the gym to aquire new sexual deviancies.” you mange to say as you shift the roller a little higher up your back and feel the same shift from sharp pain to somehow good pain.

“Don’t worry, the foam roller makes everyone its bitch.” Dave assures you wisely.

To his credit Dave gets you through rolling over everywhere that’s sore and afterwards you hurt a whole lot less. At the very least you can move and do Dave’s dumb stretching routine without your muscles fighting you on it. What’s worse is that Dave has taken to pointing out everything you’ve improved on.

“Hey, that’s way better than before.” Dave encourages you as you’re almost able to reach your toes when you lean forwards.

It is better than before but that’s only because before your flexibility was abysmal and now it’s just really fucking bad.

“I know it’s still shitty, you don’t need to act like it’s not.” you complain to your knees.

“It’s improvement. Besides, you're doing a lot at once. It’s not a huge change but huge change is just a lot of little improvements. Anyway, no one pouted and sulked their way to being better at shit.” Dave counters.

“You’re actually being sincere aren’t you?” you ask in horror.

“I am. Here, do this.” Dave says.

You watch as he takes his hands off of the floor because of course he can more than touch his toes. He links his hands together and turns them so his palms are facing out and lifts himself up so he’s at like a perfect 90 degree angle.

Uncertainly you copy his movements and when you’ve matched him Dave sinks back down with a sigh, his palms pressed flat to the ground. You copy him and nearly jump out of your skin when your claws scrape the ground, if you really lean into the stretch so the back of your legs protest as keenly as they can then you can just touch the ground with your middle fingers.

“Holy shit.” you gasp.

“Seriously, why’re you so impressed you only improved like this much since last time.” Dave says sarcastically, holding his fingers about the distance apart that you moved.

You’re touching the ground now though and- oh.

“Alright I get your point, small improvements add up. I should be proud or whatever.” you grumble and stand up.

“It’s such a burden being right all of the time but I power through for your sake.” Dave sighs like he’s so hard done by.

You feel no remorse at psionically tripping him up, none at all. You probably should though because he’s the one in charge of your training. He’s had you running almost every day since your training started and you still hate it, but this is the first time since the beginning that you’ve had to do that test until failure.

You can’t breathe, just like the first time. You try to practice the things that Dave has taught you since about running, about good form and breathing right. But given that you end the test on the floor with spots in your vision and wishing for death you don’t think your practice has helped.

Just like the first time Dave waits with you as you recover. When you’re finally able to form words again you look over at him and see that he’s smiling at his tablet as he taps away at it.

“What?” you croak.

“You got better.” Dave says quietly.

“What, I lasted longer before I nearly brained myself on the machine?” you scoff.

“Yeah, you did. A whole two minutes longer. Your pulse was lower for more of it and the time between you getting off the machine and being able to function again is minutes shorter, this is so good. It means that your bloodpusher is getting stronger.” he says simply.

You lean up on your elbows and look at him in surprise.

“Really?” you ask.

“Really. I don’t actually need you to be able to run, I need you to be fit enough to not pass out in the rocket. The running would be great because it’s one of the tests they like people to pass but you’re improving faster than I’d thought you would. This is looking a lot more doable.” Dave says with a nod.

The reason why you’re doing all of this weighs heavily on your mind, all those people who need to get off of their doomed planet. Dave and all the other sailors need your help to keep their machines working so you can help a whole planet of people. You could actually do this.

“Well okay. What next?” you ask, ready and willing for the challenge.

Dave takes you through exercises that are clearly meant to test your endurance, to get you working at a certain capacity and keeping you there for as long as you can manage. It’s hard and you’re exhausted by the end of the day but you feel… satisfied. Both that you’re helping and that you did what you could.

“So tomorrow we’re going to have to do a lot of this real quickly in the morning because in the afternoon you’re going to be with Roxy and Dirk.” Dave explains as the two of you walk back to your hive.

“For what?” you ask.

“So they can get you up to speed on repairing their tech. I’m sure you’ll be fine since fixing things is your deal but they want to be sure that you can do as much as possible.” Dave explains.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you nod.

Dave opens the door to your hive and nearly runs into Hal who was seemingly taking his laundry to the chute in the hall. You pass each other and a thought occurs to you, a thought that you for some reason hadn’t come up with until now.

“Hey, Dave.” you say as you both get out of Hal’s way.

“Yeah?” Dave asks.

“How come I got this job? Why not Roxy or Dirk or Hal?” you ask to the background thud of Hal tossing his laundry away.

“Uh.” Dave hesitates.

“Yeah?” you prompt him.

“Well, you see, Roxy... uh. When we were kids she broke a rib and it punctured right through a lung. She’s fine now, but when you’ve had that kind of thing happen they’re not willing to put you in a shuttle in case your lung deflates again.” Dave explains.

“But what about Hal and Dirk then?” you ask as Hal walks past you back into your hive.

“Similar thing.” Dave says, his eyes flickering to Hal for just a moment.

“All three of you broke your ribs and punctured your lungs? Really?” you ask Hal skeptically.

“No, it’s not that. It is lung capacity and rib strength or whatever but it’s not the same deal.” Hal answers instead.

“So what happened?” you say.

Dave is watching Hal carefully and silently as Hal turns to face you properly.

“You know how trolls molt?” he asks, one hand on his hip as he stands there.

“No, shit, really? Trolls do that? That was total news to me. Not like it’s happened to me twice.” you say flatly.

“Yeah, yeah. Some humans do it too. Most of us it’s gradual but some of us fuck the process up. Me and Dirk did that. We had to bandage our torsos up real tight to keep everything how it should be, we had surgery later to fix it all but yeah. Fucked up bones around our lungs, disqualifies us.” Hal says simply.

You squint at him and try to remember your xenobiology classes in high school.

“You’re fucking with me, humans don’t molt. Even if you were too old for me to see you do that when we were younger I’ve known Dave since he was thirteen and neither he or Rose molted.” you counter and point at the clearly uneasy looking Dave.

“Yeah, ok, I’m going to go shower now.” Dave says and gets away before you can quiz him on it.

“Like I said, not all humans go through it.” Hal tells you with a casual little shrug.

“You’re mammals.” you insist like it’s some kind of accusation.

“Oh I see how it is, we’re friends for years and you don’t believe me. Well, check this out, scars from my molt just like yours.” Hal says and lifts his shirt up.

Sure enough he has two scars across his chest, not unlike your grubscars only a little higher up. It’s enough to give you pause, at least until you remind yourself yet again that humans are mammals and definitely don’t molt. And then you remember the another way human biology can be fucked up. Your biology went a little sideways between molts but any errors just get corrected when you molt, weird hormone imbalances get fixed. Now all of your problems are just neurochemical.

And Karkat, Karkat’s often a problem but that’s different.

Humans, though, they don’t molt so they end up having to mess around with their biology by choice like June did. It takes a second to call the word up into your mind but you get it.

“Fuck off, humans don’t molt. You’re screwing with me. You’re… trans, right?” you ask, still only 90% sure you’re right.

“Shit, I owe Roxy five bucks. Wait, if I give you ten will you lie to Dirk and act like you bought it? We’ve got a long running thing to see how many people we can get to believe us.” Hal curses and drops his shirt.

“Wow, fuck you. Also how many people HAVE you convinced?” you ask.

“I’ve managed one, Dirk’s got two. Damnit.” Hal sighs and sits down on the sofa.

You take an anguished moment to realise that you could have been the second but decide to let it go. You sit down next to Hal on the sofa and then look over the back, Dave’s still gone and presumably hiding from this conversation in the ablutionblock.

“Dave was trying really hard not to give you away then?” you guess.

“Yeah, ‘I have to leave now because of reasons’. He’s the worst liar ever.” Hal snorts.

Sure he is.

“So, wait, does this mean you, Dirk and Roxy are identical and not…” you falter as Hal stares at you and the silence hangs for several seconds.

“I know exactly what you mean, but I can only remember the word you’re looking for in Spanish.” Hal says after a moment.

“Wildly helpful. I mean Dave and Rose are twins but they’re not identical. I know you and Dirk have to be because you look exactly the same but what about Roxy? I can’t imagine you looking like Roxy.” you say.

“Yeah, we’re identical. Also thankfully neither of us will have to see me looking a damn thing like Roxy thanks to this ship’s awesome medical team and Dad being the best dad ever.” Hal explains.

“Was your old ship not good with that or what?” you ask him, somewhat aware that these questions could be a little too much but trusting that Hal will tell you to back off when you should.

“I wouldn’t know. Mom never cared and our father for years was like no I only have one son and it’s not you two. It took Dirk pulling the power move of taking the guy’s whole name before he started treating us like sons, which wasn’t actually all that great either. He had uh… high expectations of manliness.” Hal says.

The two of you are facing each other on the loungeplank, each of you with your backs resting on the armrests. Hal’s never really talked about this much. He’d bring up his old ship sometimes if he was referencing the first time he heard a song or saw a movie, sometimes he’d have an anecdote about his siblings as kids but not this. You’re aware that this is pretty fragile ground, but Hal is your friend and if he wants to talk about something you’re here.

“What kind of standards?” you ask ever so carefully.

“You know like… hypermasculinity. Toxic shit. No feelings allowed, no crying, no asking for help, violence being a super big thing and being able to take it. I’ve no idea if he accepted us or if he was trying to scare us away from the whole ideal. You certainly couldn’t let either of our sisters help, at least not directly. That’s how Roxy got her rib broken.” Hal says softly.

“He broke her rib and collapsed her lung?” you ask in horror.

Hal nods and gives a little shrug like, hey, what can you do?

“That’s… that’s so fucked up.” you whisper.

“It’s-” Hal pauses as the sound of the shower shuts off, “hey, don’t mention this to Dave. He never talks about this stuff. As far as our father was concerned for most of it Dave was his only son and even after me and Dirk came out properly I think he still thought Dave was his only ‘real’ son.”

“That doesn’t sound like it would have turned out well for any of you.” you mutter.

“But yeah! The whole pre-surgery thing Dad gave us binders which is way better than the dumb shit the two of us were doing before with, like, duct tape or kinesthetic tape. That shit fucks your ribcage up good.” Hal says in time for Dave opening the bathroom door.

You try to keep your expression normal as you look over at Dave with his shirt off and water dripping off of his hair.

“Humans don’t molt.” you tell him.

“You need to pick dumber people to lie to. Sollux was never going to buy that.” Dave says to Hal and walks off into his block.

The pair of you wait a moment in silence to see if Dave is about to immediately come back out but you guess he’s getting dressed again in there.

“Fraternal!” you blurt out as the word suddenly hits you, you’d stopped thinking about it and it’d snuck back up on you again.

“Yes! Thank you that was going to drive me nuts.” Hal laughs.

You consider things for a moment and levitate two controllers into the air. You shoot a sidelong look at Hal and smile.

“I will destroy you at Mortal Kombat.” Hal vows.

“There’s a first time for everything.” you say sweetly and just manage to duck his attempt to punch you in the ear.

Dave returns in time to watch you rip out Hal’s character’s posture pole, only he then tells you that you smell and should shower and he’s ordering Thai through grubhub and do you want any. Of course you do so you go shower and dream of impending Thai food.

As you shower your mind drifts to Hal. It’s not weird that he didn’t tell you any of that before now because in the least assholish way possible you don’t care, but also you can’t think of an opportunity for him to have told you before now that wouldn’t have been like… you don’t know. You can entirely believe that he’d have never told you if the opportunity to use that dumb lie on you about molting hadn’t come up.

You’re not really… ehh… it’s kind of bad to say but you don’t really get humans that much. There aren’t that many of them on your ship and they tend to group together. Their species has weird hangups, not that yours doesn’t, hell the hemospectrum is a dumb troll hangup that’s still kind of around. Humans are just way more sexually dimorphic and have personal and romantic problems around gender and you’re not great with that. You can tell the gender of other trolls without a thought but you have to actively work it out with humans and remember it because a lot of humans get really mad if you get it wrong. Karkat’s way better at working them out but for you it’s just: rumblespheres? yes/no/maybe?’ and guess from there. Or failing that hope they come close enough so that you can see their ID and hope they’ve got pronouns on it or it’s a gendered name you recognise.

You can’t help but feel a little bad about that though. It’s clearly a big deal to Hal and he went through a lot by the sounds of it, you certainly have a lot more questions about their biological parents now. When you say you don’t care you mean that it doesn’t really register with you and you certainly don’t hold negative opinions about Hal having to transition. Is that the right way to say that? You definitely don’t mean that you don’t give a fuck about his life his experiences in a callous way.

You might need advice on this. You wrap yourself in a towel and pick up your clothes psionically.

“Gonna get dressed.” you say even though neither Dave or Hal notices you as they fight each other onscreen.

You duck into your block and jolt your mouse to wake your screen up.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: kk ii need your help on a totally theoretiical que2tiion
CG: I AM HIGHLY DUBIOUS ABOUT HOW THEORETICAL THIS IS, BUT GO ON. I'M WAITING FOR GAMZEE TO GET BACK SO WE CAN ORDER FOOD SO I HAVE TIME TO KILL ON 'THEORY'.
TA: what THEORETIICALLY am ii 2uppo2ed two do iif ii fiind out 2omeone ii2 tran2
CG: GENERALLY SPEAKING, NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE. ALSO DID THIS PERSON TELL YOU OR DID YOU FIND OUT BY MISTAKE?
TA: told
CG: OKAY THEN NOT TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WOULD BE YOUR FIRST THING BUT I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS AS AN ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL HR CONSULT HERE.
TA: riight but liike ii don't care but ii know how that 2ound2
TA: ii care but ii don't. iin a 2upportiive way??
CG: I CAN SEE HOW SAYING IT LIKE THAT WOULD COME OFF AS RUDE. LIKE MOST OF THE THINGS YOU SAY.
TA: fuck you two
CG: CASE IN POINT. BUT TO BE HONEST I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULDN'T ASK THE TRANS PEOPLE YOU KNOW, ALTHOUGH A POINT CAN BE MADE FOR NOT PUTTING THAT LABOUR ONTO THEM BUT IT IS A HUMAN TERM FOR A HUMAN SPECIFIC STATE EVEN THOUGH TROLLS KIND OF HAVE OUR OWN DEAL WITH THAT, BUT I DIGRESS.
CG: AND I'M REMINDING MYSELF OF TEENAGE KANKRI NOW, GROSS.
TA: iit2 diifferent wiith troll2, we're all ba2iically the 2ame and you can ju2t molt iif you want to go through all that effort
CG: THAT'S A GROSS OVERSIMPLIFICATION FOR HOW GENDER WORKS.
TA: no iit2 not, human2 get a22iigned that 2hiit and have feeliing2 about iit but wiith troll2 youre whatever and iit2 the term2 and condiitiion2 that nobody read2 and ju2t accept2. human2 have thii2 biig iidea clearly about what 'gender' ii2 when iit2 effectiively liike arguiing between diiet cruela and pep2ii max and hello you're iin the fuckiing food court near the wiigler 2phere play prii2on, there'2 no diiference and iit all come2 out of the 2ame machiine anyway 2o move on!
TA: no one care2!
CG: THAT IS A LOT TO UNPACK, SOLLUX.
TA: what no iit2 not
TA: liike your metaphor2 never get out of hand, the poiint ii2 im riight and gender ii2 a 2cam and human2 are ju2t 2tuck 2endiing money to niigeriian priince2 unliike troll2 where iit doe2n't matter.
TA: do you know people 2tiil fall for that? niigeriia doe2n't even exii2t anymore
CG: ALRIGHT TWO OPTIONS I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT OR WITH YOUR TRANS PROBLEM.
CG: SPECIFICALLY THE ONE YOU CONTACTED ME ABOUT I MEAN, ABOUT WHOEVER YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT.
TA: weiirdly 2peciifiic when ii knew what you meant
CG: SOLLUX I COULD WRITE DOWN THE THINGS IN THIS CONVERSATION THAT YOU CORRECTLY UNDERSTAND ON A KEYCARD IN SIZE 8000 FONT AND STILL HAVE ROOM TO SPARE.
TA: what? ju2t help me wiith the thiing ii a2ked you about
CG: YEAH HOLD THE PERSONAL INTROSPECTION UNTIL LATER I GUESS. MY ADVICE WOULD JUST BE SUPPORTIVE, MAYBE ASK SOME OF THE TRANS PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY FRIENDS WITH AND SEE IF THEY'LL HELP, LIKE JUNE OR HAL.
TA: waiit
TA: you know about hal?
CG: YES? IT'S COMMON KNOWLEDGE? JUNE TALKED ABOUT HAL AND DIRK ALL THE TIME WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER AND SHE WAS STILL TRANSITIONING. SHE WAS SO PSYCHED TO GET OTHER TRANS SIBLINGS WHEN THE STRIDERS WERE MOVING HERE.
TA: ii... really?
CG: HOLY FUCK YOU ARE THE MOST OBLIVIOUS PERSON, YES! JUNE ONLY SHUT UP ABOUT IT AFTER TALKING ABOUT IT NON STOP FOR A MONTH WHEN HER DAD WAS LIKE HEY MAYBE LET THE BOYS HAVE A LITTLE PRIVACY.
CG: YOU WERE THERE SOLLUX
CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT YOU ONLY JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT HAL?
TA: ii don't remember any of thii2.
CG: OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
TA: look 2ometiime2 ii tune june out. ii tune mo2t people out a lot.
CG: WELL CONGRATULATIONS ON DISCOVERING SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE IN OUR SOCIAL GROUP KNEW ALMOST TEN YEARS LATE BUT AT LEAST YOU GOT THERE I GUESS!!!! EVENTUALLY I WILL TEACH YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO OTHER PEOPLE BUT MAYBE THAT'S A STEP AFTER GETTING YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND WHAT THEY MIGHT MEAN.
TA: ii'm not obliiviiou2!
CG: I DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO YOUR EARLIER MONOLOGUE ABOUT WHAT GENDER IS LIKE FOR TROLLS.
TA: what about iit?
CG: I'LL WAIT.
TA: ii'm riight, metaphor a2iide iit'2 ju2t a thiing that mean2 nothiing. iit'2 not liike how iit ii2 for human2.
TA: that wa2 long enough for you two reply and you haven't, ii found and put on 2ock2 iin that tiime.
CG: OH, NO. I'M STILL HERE. JUST WAITING.
TA: for what?
TA: that ii2 how iit ii2 for troll2.
TA: ...riight?
CG: NOT AS STANDARD, NO.
TA: oh
CG: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, IF YOU WANT. I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF YOU HERE, I'M GENUINELY OFFERING TO LISTEN AND HELP YOU WORK THIS OUT IF YOU WANT.
TA: you're ju2t fuckiing wiith me
CG: I'M NOT, REALLY.
TA: no that2 hoofbea2t2hiit and even iif there wa2 a thiing two talk about whiich there ii2n't gamzee would kiill me iif we talked about 2omethiing liike that
TA: iit'd be a biig deal and iit2 not
TA: becau2e iit2 not and thii2 conver2atiion never happened
CG: SOLLUX, DON'T GO. WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You push back from your desk, that wasn’t a conversation you were having. Nothing happened. When your speakers bleep at you because Karkat is trolling you back you just turn the whole thing off and finish getting dressed, the whole conversation never happened.

Got it?

Good.

Leaving your room you see Dave turn around to look at you with a guilty look and a dish of food in each hand.

“I wasn’t going to steal some of your food, why would you accuse me of that?” Dave blurts out.

“Convincing.” Hal says around a mouthful of something.

You sit down on the loungeplank and psionically retrieve your food from Dave who settles down next to you, leaving you in the middle of the pair.

“We were thinking of watching a movie if you want.” Hal offers.

“What one?” you ask.

“Fast and Fu310us or in which dumb space stunts something something, I’m not reading out the whole thing. They do entirely inaccurate and awesome stunts around the event horizon of a black hole or something if I remember the trailer right.” Dave explains.

“Wait, which universe is this one set in? I can’t keep them straight with so many different production groups making them.” Hal asks with a frown.

“Is this the one with Jason Statham’s ghost mind clone, the timeline where he punched the CGI Nic Cage that June made us watch before?” you ask, you’re pretty sure you lost thinksponge cells on that one.

“No, no, that’s the Cage-verse which also has that ghostbusters crossover that June’s fanatical about. This is an alternate metal-punk timeline with the Vin Diesel gasoline powered spaceships, the one with the mad max planet.” Dave explains.

“I’m never sure if erasing copyright was an excellent thing for human creativity given how hard it can be to distribute media fairly in a post-Earth civilisation or if turning to humanity’s collective internet and going ‘shit is canon if you can get enough people to make a movie with you’ was a terrible idea.” Hal muses.

“Hey, I’ve been to one of the desert worlds they used to film one of the movies in the mad max timeline and it was very fun fucking around with the props they left behind.” Dave grins.

“Did THEY need to go through all the training that I’m having to?” you ask Dave, somewhat accusatory perhaps but valid as far as you’re concerned.

“Yeah man, hey, maybe I’ll make you a movie star too when we’re on planet.” Dave says and holds his fingers up like it’s a frame he’s got you in.

You shake your head and eat your food, spicy faux swimbugs in Earth spices. Some food is just hard to cultivate on ships and your ship tends to be able to replicate land animals better. There’s some that are kept just for the sake of preserving their species but an awful lot of meat or animal products are just synthetic. Like these swimbugs were never alive, or not on more than a cellular level anyway, but you can’t tell the difference and they’re still good.

Dave and Hal bicker for a bit about the sound settings on the movie, the movie they’ve both pretty much admitted is a trash fire, and eventually you’re all watching the stupid film. It is breathtakingly dumb and does, as promised, include dumb stunts around what’s supposed to be the event horizon of a black hole.

You look at Dave as that particular scene plays out and lean a little closer to him.

“So, can you do that in a shuttle?” you ask him teasingly because it’s better than thinking about the conversation you didn’t have with Karkat.

“You have no idea of the kind of shit I can do.” Dave brags.

That’s just a level of dumbassery that you refuse to keep encouraging so you set your now empty bowl aside and keep watching the movie. When it ends it’s late enough that you can just go to bed, especially given that you’ve got another day of Dave obliterating you in the field of physical training. Or a half day as it happens because didn’t he say about seeing Roxy and Dirk for tech training after that. Hey, that’ll be interesting at least. Either way you definitely should go to sleep and not think about conversations that didn’t happen.

The one thing you will say for all of Dave’s training is that working that hard physically means that insomnia isn’t really a thing for you at the moment. So it’s pretty odd for you to jerk awake in the middle of the night having gone from dead asleep to wide awake.

You sit up and rub at your eyes, trying to place what woke you up. As far as you were aware you weren’t dreaming, it wasn’t that. In the quiet darkness of your room you hear Dave’s door open. Your rooms are reasonably soundproofed, poor sound insulation between blocks and entire hives are one of the things that leads to mass dissatisfaction in ships. It’s one thing cramming this many people in a small space like this, it’s so much worse if you can hear highblood shit music blaring in the hive above yours in what for you is the middle of the goddamn night because they’re on opposite shifts. Stuff like that leads to fights.

Soundproofing or not it’s hard to hide the sound of Dave’s door opening because the opening mechanism for his door is literally part of the same mechanism that does yours. They both pull back into the same wall space.

You woke up before you heard that though so something must have woken Dave too, something loud enough to pass through your wall and wake you up as well. Weird.

Laying back on your bed you try to drift off to sleep again, the squish of your sopor pillow comforting and soothing. Even so you can’t help but note that you haven’t heard Dave come back into his block again. About ten minutes passes and without intending to you’ve focused in on listening for Dave’s door. You don’t hear it and now that you’re awake you kind of need to take a leak so you reluctantly get up with the intention of heading to the ablutionblock and right back to bed since it’s hours and hours until you need to be up.

That is your intention.

It’s immediately scrapped when you open your door and see Dave.

At first you aren’t totally sure what you’re seeing. Or, well, you DO know what you’re looking at. Ass. Dave’s, specifically. Trying to jar your thoughts into more order you can see that in the dark room, only lit by the very dim light of the safety lights in the top corners of the room and the light from your eyes, Dave is in the middle of the room contorted over in some odd way. It looks a little like the stretch he has you do, the touch your toes kind of thing, only his hands are way further out so his body makes almost a triangle shape with the floor.

A very key thing to note is that Dave is wearing nothing more than his underwear here so you can see a lot. You’re frozen in confusion and shock, just watching him. You watch as his back rounds a little as his bodyweight shifts forward over his hands. His feet move, one then the other going from flat on the floor to the soles of his feet facing up and the tops of them pressed to what might be a mat of some kind on the floor. He moves forwards and his body changes from that triangle shape to a stretch the other way where his hips are pressed to the floor and with his hands supporting him upright he’s in a curved pose that makes you wonder how his posture pole can do that.

His eyes are closed and you realise that he’s got headphones of some kind in. He can’t hear or see you, just as you probably weren’t meant to see this. He’s just stretching, incredibly impressively as you watch him shift and slowly move into a handstand. You’re not technically seeing anything weird, even if he is barely wearing anything. Something about this is vulnerable and real and it’s not got anything to do with how he’s dressed. As far as he knows he’s unobserved and that means that this is genuinely real Dave, not any front that he puts on or a role he tries to fill. Just Dave.

You watch as he works through whatever routine this is with his eyes closed and body movements so achingly slow that you know how much strength it must take, you can appreciate that now after all he’s taught you. There’s a tattoo on his left thigh that you hadn’t seen before, the design is colourful but it’s not anything you’re familiar with, there’s a skull, feathers, a snake, it’s all in an art style that is genuinely alien to you and with a start you realise that he must have tattooed it on himself.

Dave drops suddenly from his handstand to holding himself perfectly level and flat from the ground, planks fucking suck and he’s so good at this you could probably balance a spirit level on the smooth muscular back that stretches out before you and- oh no.

You know people are hot, you know Dave is hot the same way you know a bunch of your friends are hot. Usually it’s just a low level kind of ‘nice’ when you see your attractive friends. Even with Karkat, who you are absolutely attracted to, you can look at him without constantly thinking about wanting him. You still have moments here and there but right now you’re feeling the same thing for Dave. You’re staring at him and you want. Dumb parts of your thinksponge are telling you that you should go over there and touch him, see if his skin is that soft up close. Dave goes back to that handstand and you can see the muscles of his stomach move slightly as he breathes and VERY UNHELPFUL PARTS OF YOUR THINKSPONGE WANT YOU TO LICK HIM.

Ok, so, he’s hot. It’s… fine. You really can’t get caught looking and you still do need to pee, you can’t just go back to your respiteblock. Alright, you float off of the floor silently and zip through the room to the ablutionblock and hurry inside.

Alright, small panic time is now. Dave is hot, that’s… that’s fine. He’s objectively attractive and you’re friends, you work together, you can deal with this. He’s with Jade and you’re more than capable of acknowledging the attractiveness of a friend and not acting on it. It’s just caught you off guard and it doesn’t help that it’s been a while since you got laid because of you breaking up with Aradia.

Yeah, thinking about your ex is a pretty good way to cool off your libido. Now you’re just sad and need to pee. It’s fine, you’re fine. Dave can be your friend and be physically attractive and that’s not news. Hell, Equius is attractive from a muscular standpoint but he’s too much of a goddamn weirdo for you to have more than an aesthetic appreciation of his appearance. It’s fine, you’re just not used to it with Dave.

Having relieved yourself you take a second or two to psych yourself up enough to go back out there. Dave is still at it, still with his eyes closed. You should just sweep through the air and go back to your block but your curiosity and less than platonic interest slows your feet as you walk instead. His body curves backwards again, exposing the vulnerable line of his throat as his head falls backwards and highlighting every muscle in his arms.

Before you can get past him in your slow walk Dave jolts, his eyes locking on you and he scrambles back in clear panic. He collides with the coffee table as he does so and the look on his face isn’t alarm and being caught or anger that you were staring but genuine terror.

“Sorry!” you blurt out dumbly but Dave’s breathing is out of control in a way you’ve only seen in Karkat before when he was having a panic attack.

Dave is having a panic attack.

“I’m sorry, it’s just me. Do… do you want me to go?” you ask, not sure what’s best.

Dave doesn’t answer right away, his dark eyes flickering from you to around the rest of the room. He scrambles to his feet, looking about everywhere as he does so.

“I shouldn’t have been sneaking around, I’m sorry. I was just- I woke up and needed to use the ablutionblock but you were here and I didn’t want to interrupt you or anything.” you explain.

“It’s not- don’t. Don’t sneak.” Dave gasps.

“I’m sorry.” you apologise again.

Dave pulls his headphones out and tosses them on the loungeplank, he stays bent over with his hands on his knees for a few seconds.

“I’m ok. I’m fine.” Dave says quietly and you don’t know if it’s to you or to him.

Maybe it wasn’t a panic attack then, just close to one. Maybe you should ask if he’s okay, really okay that is.

“I know you lie a lot about things, hide stuff from people. You don’t need to, I already know that your whole bad liar thing is fake. If you’re worried about me gossiping let me assure you how profoundly I don’t care about other people’s secrets or gaining some kind of weird status by spilling them.” you assure him as you come a little closer very slowly.

“Your argument is apathy?” Dave wheezes.

“Absolutely. I think you might be having a panic attack so maybe you should sit down.” you suggest and lean down a little so your face is about the same height as his but you’re also not in his space either.

“I’m not. I don’t have panic attacks.” Dave says and then drops down like a rock to sit on the floor.

You meant that he should maybe sit on the loungeplank but you’re going to accept that he’s sitting at all. Deciding to go with it you crouch down next to him.

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I’m amazed you could hear me with your headphones in.” you say conversationally and watch how fast he’s breathing.

You’ve got a monitor in your arm that’d tell him just how fast you’re breathing and how fast your bloodpusher is going. Dave could look at that and tell you that information but right now you could really do with it the other way around.

“I’m really good at knowing when people are trying to get the drop on me.” Dave says, his voice a bit weak still.

“Hal told me a bit about your dad. Not Mr Egbert I don’t mean, your biological one. Is this…?” you let the question linger, the details unsaid in case even voicing it is more than Dave can take right now.

“He was… something.” Dave nods.

Dave stretches his legs out in front of him and you see the flash of colour on his thigh again.

“I like your tattoo.” you tell him quietly.

“Oh. Thanks. I did it. It’s all Mexican. Or I guess sort of a mash of a few ancient cultures in that vague area, not like I’ve ever been there but the connection means something even with Bro being part of that. There’s still… the past doesn’t go away because there’s bits you don’t like, the past is important.” Dave rambles.

“You should breathe.” you remind him and cautiously reach out to put a hand on his back, he watches you reach out and his expression doesn’t suggest that he wants you to stop so carefully you put your hand between his shoulderblades.

For a few moments he obviously focuses on breathing properly and you try to be as nonthreatening as you can, you feel guilty enough already for staring earlier and then setting this off. The least you can do is not make it worse.

“Did I wake you up?” Dave asks.

“I don’t think so. I woke up for no reason and then I heard your door go, then I needed-” you start.

“Ablutionblock, yeah. I woke you up. It happened with Rose sometimes, my bed is right next to yours. I had a dream and woke up because I backhanded the wall in a panic.” Dave cuts you off and holds his arm out.

You can see there’s redness on the side of his arm and you’re pretty sure his elbow looks like it’s going to bruise.

“And you do this stretching thing to calm down?” you guess.

“Yoga. It’s called yoga. I can teach you sometime.” Dave offers.

You’re not sure you can go through that with Dave awake enough to notice just how much attention you’re paying.

“You already make me stretch too much.” you say instead.

“Sure. Hey, uh, maybe don’t tell Hal about this? He gets all big brother worried about little baby brother when he finds out that I’m getting nightmares, I don’t need that.” Dave asks you.

You take your hand from Dave’s back since he seems calmer now and sit down on the floor properly with him. You look at him carefully for a few moments before you talk again.

“You keep a lot of secrets and lie a lot, don’t you?” you ask him upfront.

Dave’s expression shifts into something unimpressed and irritated but you go on before he can say anything.

“That’s not some moral judgement on you, it’s just interesting. You’ve got this whole… what is it Terezi used to say? Your cool guy thing. You’ve got that whole image and it’s that whole paper thin front and then there’s Dave and you’re so ‘bad at lying’ and supposedly transparent that people stop looking. I was kind of right when I said we weren’t friends, I didn’t know there was more of you beyond the person you show people.” you say thoughtfully.

“I’m not some puppetmaster psychopath.” Dave says coldly.

“I said it wasn’t a judgement and I’m not saying none of that is real. I entirely believe that you’re totally sincere in the terrible art you draw, which as a side note I always thought was the only thing you drew until you showed me you did this too.” you say and poke at his tattooed thigh.

“So what are you saying, then?” Dave asks.

“I’m saying that I’ve no intention of spreading your secrets around. So you had a nightmare and I spooked you, why would I need to tell people that in the first place? Lying to me is just kind of wasted effort. I’m not demanding every thought in your head either, that’d be weird. I’m just saying don’t worry is all, I’m not living to ruin your reputation or anything. It’s just interesting that I didn’t know this until lately.” you shrug.

A silence falls between you in the darkened room, neither of you has switched the light on so right now Dave is mostly illuminated by your eyes. You wonder how much his artificial sight can pick up, probably more than you can right now without your glasses.

“I’m used to keeping secrets from people.” Dave says quietly in the dark like that admission itself is a secret he’s sharing.

“That sounds exhausting.” you say bluntly.

“I don’t know, I can’t remember all that much before things were like this. I guess I’m used to it. Made me good for knowing classified information at least.” Dave shrugs.

“How about this? If it’s just us, how about you save us both the effort if you’d normally lie and just say you can’t tell me. Or that you won’t. Whichever.” you offer.

“Would that make you stop asking?” he shoots back right away.

“Depends, but probably yeah for the most part.” you say, there’s some things like the stuff you and Karkat have found out about Vikare’s death that you won’t stop looking into but you’re not going to harass Dave about it either.

“Alright. Well, here’s a question for you then. It’d help for… nightmare reasons.” Dave shifts uneasily as he says that.

“As in a question for me that’d set your mind at ease about something in your dream?” you ask because that wasn’t totally clear.

Dave nods and then hesitates before speaking again and when he does his arms are wrapped around himself. He looks more vulnerable now than he did a few moments ago.

“I know you agreeing to do all of this training wasn’t something you really came into fairly. Like if I ask you if my hair looks good that’s different to me asking you if my hair looks good but by the way if you say no I’ll punch you in the face. You agreed to this but it wasn’t totally a free choice, you know?” Dave starts.

“Yeah, I get your point there. It’s not like I’d have normally signed up for this.” you agree.

“Right, so that’s already not great. But- with the training… all the stuff I’m having you do. I know I’m pushing you.” Dave falters, he’s still not got to the question.

“Yeah?” you prompt him.

“I’m not… pushing you too hard, am I? I’m not forcing you or hurting you?” he asks and looks at you worriedly.

There’s something here, something he’s afraid of being and you get the feeling that saying that he is forcing you into something or harming you would make him think something terrible, something from his past. You’d guess it’s something to do with his biological father but you don’t have enough of the puzzle pieces of this particular puzzle to make an educated guess about that. All you can do is answer honestly and clearly and hope it’s not something that’ll hurt him.

“I’d never have done this if the stakes weren’t what they are. But you’ve not pushed me into actually hurting myself, not beyond being kind of sore the next day. You explain what you’re doing and you said before you wouldn’t push me to more than I can take and so far you’ve held up to that and I don’t expect you to change. I trust you. I don’t think you’re getting any kind of sick enjoyment out of watching me do badly, if anything you seem really happy when I improve even if it’s miniscule improvement. Yeah, I wouldn’t have done this before but I think it might be good for me, if nothing else it broke the rhythm of most of my life being the same as it was before when I was with Aradia. So, no, you’re fine.” you explain, it might be wordy but you want to defuse whatever emotional trip mines were there in that question.

It seems to work because Dave nods and his body language relaxes enough for him to slouch forward and rest his elbows on his knees.

“Between us,” Dave begins giving you a significant look, “my parents were scientists. They… there were a lot of experiments with them and the way they’d be with us- with me… I don’t like feeling like a lab rat. I don’t want to do that to anyone else. Just because the stakes are high doesn’t mean I want to exploit you, you know?”

You try to genuinely absorb that information. It kind of tracks that Dave has a lot of control over you right now and the process that he’s putting you through is pushing you to grow past what had been the limits of your ability before. It’s not hard to see that he could in theory do that badly and even more so when you consider the lives at stake that he could be justified in pushing you too hard. What’s harm to you compared to so many lives? If this is what’s keeping Dave up at night and if it’s an echo of his own past when he was in a position that’s something like yours… yeah, you get that.

“That makes sense,” you say slowly and as Dave watches your every word he seems bare in a way that has nothing to do with how little he’s wearing and so you go on, “but I trust you.”

“Weren’t you just calling me a liar with a deceitful front?” Dave points out.

“More or less, but this seems real. And just because you’d lie about some things without me knowing why doesn’t mean I don’t trust you with something important. I don’t buy your ‘Dave’s a terrible liar’ facade but when you tell me that I can manage another setting higher on the goddamn treadmill when you can see all of my vital stats then I trust you or at least I trust that you’d catch me if I tripped.” you tell him.

There’s a silent moment that hangs in the air and then it happens, something in your chest flutters at the small smile that graces his face. It’s not a grin as he teases you about something or a wry little smile where he knows something, there’s no quirk of amusement or cool guy nod. This is so much more devastating because you said something true and honest to him and it made him smile, a smile he might not realise you can see, one he might not know he just had on because it’s already fading.

Your bloodpusher thuds in your chest, this is so much worse than your friend being hot. You can live with that without a problem. But you just told him that you trust him and now you have feelings and what are you supposed to do with THAT?!

“I promise not to let you mash your face on the treadmill.” Dave assures you and oh no the smile is back.

“Cool.” why did you say that?

Tactical retreat time.

“I should get back to sleep.” you say, a smart move.

“Right, yeah of course. I’ll probably stay out here a while-” Dave says and you deny your thinksponge permission to visualise that, “-really sorry that I woke you up though. But, hey, thanks for staying with me and talking me down from that thing that wasn’t a panic attack. Don’t call me on that Mr. Lie Detector, sometimes I want to lie to me ok?”

Fuck, no, he’s admitting that he was in trouble there and you helped him this is NOT HELPING.

“No problem. I mean, I never saw anything, won’t tell a soul. Night.” you tell him and walk back to your block at hopefully a normal pace.

As soon as you have your respiteblock door closed you lean against it with your hand pressed over your mouth. Maybe you’re just tired and it was just an intense moment. Maybe it was just an intense moment after realising exactly how attractive Dave is and the two have just got muddled in your mind. You can’t have feelings for him, that can’t be allowed.

You live with the guy and when you’re not training to be launched at a planet you work with his brother who you also live with! Having feelings for him would be a horrible idea! Problem number one, you don’t know if Dave is even into men. Sure, his family is pretty diverse given that Rose is with Kanaya and Dirk is married to Jake. Dave wouldn’t have a problem with you being interested in him because you’re both guys but that doesn’t mean he’d even reciprocate any feelings that you have. Some humans can’t even be romantically attracted to trolls although you’ve long suspected that’s just a thing some humans who don’t like trolls say, but then given that they pretty much have to partner up with their own kind to reproduce there’s some bias there. So, okay, the fact that you’re a troll isn’t an issue but you being a guy might be.

Not to mention the small detail that HE’S ALREADY TAKEN. He’s dating Jade and Jade is the kind of hotness that Aradia is and if anything she’s more athletic than her which probably only adds to that. Jade is smart, academically and professionally accomplished, blisteringly hot and she’s been with Dave for almost as long as you had been with Aradia. They’re basically married at this point so even if you did have feelings developing you need to kill them because it’s not happening.

Alright, you’re just panicking now. You need to look at the situation calmly, you could be confusing things.

You call to mind Dave doing, what was it he called it, yoga? Right, that. Your mind has no problem replaying that image. You let it linger for a moment in your mind as you mentally focus on the way he looked in the dim light of the room, the strength he moved with and… okay, yeah. There’s no arguing with the way your pulse has picked up and how you can feel your face warm, he’s attractive and you’re into how he looks.

That’s fine. You can be physically attracted to people and be perfectly normal with them. You can live with Dave guilt free and think he’s attractive, you can work with him and still appreciate how he looks shirtless. You’re not going to stare creepily at him or steal his underwear or something, you’ve no intention of making him uncomfortable or letting anyone know. It’s not a problem.

The emotional stuff though, that could be a problem.

You want to recoil from the idea that you could have any kind of feelings for Dave beyond friendship because you know how much of a disaster it could be, but if you don’t know for sure then there’s nothing you can do. Right? You wait a moment, letting the heat of your cheeks fade and even watching your pulse go down on the monitor. You want to separate your feelings from just physically finding him attractive, that’s the only way you’d know.

You think about Dave. You think about how he showed up to help move you out of Aradia’s, how he’s been nice to you even when you’ve told him you’re not friends. It’s pretty safe to say that even if you weren’t then you are now. Yeah, thinking about that feels right, you know him more now than you did before and you like him. This is all good. You let yourself think about the day he got landed with training you and you realise in a sort of muted horror that the way you’d been so snappy with him that day could be seen very much as blackflirting. The idea of proving to him that you could take whatever he wanted to throw at you makes your pulse thud in your ears and what’s worse is that him checking that he hadn’t pushed you too far and you telling him that you trust him is entirely fitting for a pitch romance.

The whole deal with him training you to pass this test revolves around him having confidence in you, in you rising to meet his standards and oh shit the idea of him looking at you like you’re worthy makes your breath catch. But it’s not just that it’s redder too, like a heart edged spade. His past sounds fucked up and it’s not like you’re attracted to that like some kind of creep but he was actually open and real with you this evening and the idea of seeing that more is nice. You want to know his real thoughts about himself, about his life and what’s important to him. You’d like to imagine a better time for him to tell you something real like that, not just catching him off guard like tonight. You’re stuck like an anterbeast in headlights as your mind plays out an idea.

You’re here in your respiteblock or maybe in his, some evening after work and both of you are tired. You’re doing something, watching a movie or listening to something, it doesn’t matter. What is in focus for this idea is him telling you something, his voice quiet but low in that key or tone you don’t know the music words for it, but a private kind of way like the words are just for you. And he tells you something genuine that he feels about, something he’d put up some cool guy front about for other people but he’s honest with you.

The way your pumpbiscuit seizes up at that isn’t black at all, that’s red. Shit, this is bad, you have feelings for him in two quadrants. The sensible part of your thinksponge knows to stop this now but it’s so busy panicking about the fact that you have feelings to stop the significantly dumber part from playing out the scene it’d started.

Your imagination is so clear that you can see that small and genuine smile that you saw tonight. You imagine leaning in, your hand to his jaw so the angle is just right. The kiss is vivid in your imagination and you’re so lost in the imagined reality of what his lips would feel like against yours that it takes far too long for you to guiltily shut the image down.

That’s not just physical attraction, that’s feelings, that’s a hell of a crush you’ve suddenly got on your hands and basically the worst possible person to have it on. You make yourself imagine him kissing Jade instead, his actual girlfriend, and you’re horrified at how much it hurts to imagine that. This is bad, very bad.

Unsurprisingly it’s pretty difficult to get back to sleep. You stay in bed berating yourself for catching feelings for Dave at all and also watching your own mind suspiciously lest it play you another never going to happen scenario where you kiss Dave. Indulging in absurd visions like that is only going to make this whole thing worse and you can’t let that happen.

All that said you do manage to drift off eventually but it means that you’re woken up at a weird point in your sleep cycle where when you wake up you feel inexplicably more tired than you did when you woke up in the middle of the night. Dave is cheerful when you leave your respiteblock in the morning, nibbling the edges off of his toast as Hal complains.

“The guy’s a moron, I told him to go find me a flux capacitor to fix this machine and he went and looked.” Hal complains as you sit on the sofa and lace up your shoes.

“I guess not everyone knows pop culture, I mean if he’s Alternian and not familiar with-” Dave starts.

“He’s not! He’s American! His name is Marty and it’s back to the future!” Hal snaps, oh he’s talking about your replacement.

“Welp, I got nothing.” Dave shrugs and rotates his slice of toast to eat another edge away.

“I can’t believe you stole Sollux from me.” Hal huffs.

“That was definitely my plan and this is absolutely all my fault, you got me. I was just like ‘hey babe wanna ride on my rocket ship’?” Dave says deadpan.

You have died and this is clearly your personal hell.

“That’d do it. I can’t argue with that, no one can resist Strider charm.” Hal nods thoughtfully.

You need to move the topic onwards and you need to do it now.

“Is that why I had to lie about being your date to the wedding?” you ask Hal.

You can hear Dave loudly choke on his toast from somewhere behind you as Hal looks at you in utter betrayal.

“Et tu Brute? I didn’t realise we were joking about that yet, let me just get this knife from my back and we can go.” Hal says menacingly.

“I’d invite you to think of the IOUs I still have left and reconsider that.” you advise him sweetly.

“I’m dying.” Dave coughs and stumbles against the sofa.

“Then perish. I’ll see you two traitors tonight. Maybe Caesar salad for dinner.” Hal says sharply and walks out in faux offence.

“I think I missed a reference.” you say lightly.

“Caesar, Greek guy, stabbed in an acupuncture mishap where they were like oh shit not daggers? Our bad. I guess they also named a salad after him for reasons.” Dave says, leaning on the back of the sofa.

His eyelashes are really bright white, fuck, he’s pretty.

“I’m pretty sure I can hear a historian crying.” you say instead and go back to lacing your shoes and not thinking about Dave being pretty.

“Look, if I don’t start my day with upsetting historical inaccuracies and/or inadvertent innuendo that ought to get me reported to Karkat’s office like I’ve been bad and need to be- yeah like that. If one or both of those doesn’t happen have I really started my day right?” Dave asks, veering away from that topic with all the grace of a collapsing building.

“Fuck if I know.” you mutter, too busy scolding your mind to think about how you sound.

“Hey, I’m sorry about waking you up last night. I know that was weird and I’m sure you didn’t want to see or hear any of that.” Dave apologises.

He’s entirely wrong but still, he seems to think you’re annoyed at him.

“It’s not that. I just couldn’t get back to sleep for ages and now I’m dead.” you tell him and watch his shoulders relax, he was worried.

“Would you feel better if I reminded you that I don’t need you to run today and I’m only training you for half the day because you’ve got Dirk and Roxy after?” Dave asks sweetly and nudges your shoulder.

“I think I’d be facedown on the treadmill in five minutes if you had me on that so I’m glad.” you laugh somewhat bitterly.

“Nah, I wouldn’t let that happen. Besides it’d be a shame to mess up your face, right?” Dave laughs and pushes himself away from the sofa so he can walk around to face you.

You manage to school your face into something normal but as Dave reminds you that he wouldn’t let you come to harm you can’t help but think about that Earth holiday. Valentines day is one of those holidays that trolls just immediately took up as an appreciation for your flushed partner or flush crush. All of the symbolism is right there, but the imagery of an arrow getting shot through your heart is pretty apt because right now your pumpbiscuit feels pretty shot through with feelings. You have to do something about this and soon.

“Okay, new plan, I get you coffee and then I make you lift heavy things.” Dave amends because you probably should have said something there instead of staring dumbly at him. At least he just thinks you’re tired.

“I like that plan.” you say and finish with your shoes.

Dave does indeed get you coffee and when you get to the sailor’s training gym he has you working hard enough that you don’t have time to think about what he looks like in just his boxers or how honest his voice sounded or anything like that.

When you get to the end of lifting things with your stupid muscles and not your far better psionics Dave gives you the first bit of good news that you’ve had all day.

“Okay so Roxy and Dirk have you this afternoon but I have a thing earlier than I was expecting…” Dave says slowly as he frowns at his palmhusk.

“A thing.” you repeat.

“It’s nothing it’s… okay, it’s something but you don’t need to know what and I can’t tell you anyway. You’re only interested because you don’t know what it is.” Dave says instead, actually being honest with you.

“Okay.” you nod and try not to have feelings.

“So I gotta go sooner than I thought but you can go back and shower maybe even nap if you’re still that tired and still be with them in time.” Dave says.

“I’ll figure something out.” you tell him.

“Right, cool. Ok, I’ll see you tonight for either dinner or fratricide depending on how spicy Hal is still feeling from this morning. Bye.” Dave says all this while walking away backwards and only on the last word does he turn and finish walking away the right way.

You wait until Dave is gone and scramble for your palmhusk.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: kk ii need two 2ee you ii'm haviing an emergency!!
CG: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE AFTER WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE. I DIDN'T WANT TO PUSH YOU THOUGH.
TA: what? no! that wa2 liike two freakout2 ago! and that'2 nothiing!
CG: HOW EVENTFUL HAS THE LAST 24 HOURS BEEN FOR YOU?!
TA: very!
TA: ii need two 2ee you
CG: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, COME BY MY OFFICE? IT'S SOUNDPROOFED AT LEAST, I CAN ORDER LUNCH.
TA: good ii'll 2ee you there
CG: I'M ALREADY HERE BUT OK.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You zip back to your hive as fast as you can and have the fastest shower and outfit change known to trollkind and then you’re immediately off again, hightailing it to Karkat’s office. Dave would probably encourage you to run this to get faster but you have bigger problems right now so you fly for as much of it as you can. Either way you’re still breathless when you burst through Karkat’s office door and slam it behind you.

“Yeah just slam the door so everyone hears you come in here why don’t you?” Karkat says with a sigh, not even looking up at you.

“Shut up, I have problems!” you insist and throw yourself into the chair on your side of his desk.

“Of course. There’s an oblong meat pr- okay I’ll have that since you’re eating that burger like it murdered your lusus.” Karkat says as you savage one of the two provided lunches.

“Not that you don’t have a whole serving platter of problems to pick from, like a buffet at a self help convention, but do you want to tell me what problem you’re dealing with right now?” Karkat asks as he pulls some fries towards him with a claw.

You put your burger down and kill time for a few moments by licking stray sauce from your thumb.

“You know how I’ve always given you shit for your godawful taste in men?” you ask.

“Go fuck yourself.” Karkat says casually and shoves fries in his mouth.

“No, really. Gamzee’s literally the worst troll alive and physically he’s just a nightmare to look at, on a scale of one to ten he’s an F minus. He’s so awful he’s on a whole different scale and failing that one.” you tell Karkat.

“Shut up about my moirail.” Karkat growls at you.

“Alright then, what about that crush you had on Eridan?” you challenge him.

“I was twelve!” Karkat snaps.

“Or Equius?” you add.

“That barely counted, that was a week.” Karkat says with a scowl.

“Or Jake?” you point out.

“Listen, I was fourteen and he was Jade’s attractive older brother it was just hormones. And since you’re getting on me for my taste in men need I remind you that this is a category that you fall into.” Karkat says, pointing his finger in your face.

“Yeah, if Jake wasn’t the final nail in the coffin of good taste then I certainly am. I’m a complete failure of a person and if you look up scrawny nerd in the dictionary you just get a picture of me.” you sneer at him.

“I wouldn’t know, I grew out of dictionaries with pictures as a small child but I’m so glad you’re learning to use them. Although I have to say I’m surprised that you’ve not thrown Dave in my face given all the shit you gave me for getting a crush on him when he first got here.” Karkat says.

Yeah…

“Well, that’s it, isn’t it? You’d be a complete idiot to have anything to do with him, he’s way out of your league and even if you could stand all the self perpetuating irony, how impossible it is to get a straight answer out of him sometimes and let’s not forget the ‘art’ he does. Even if you got past that he’s got a girlfriend and Jade is both intimidatingly hot and easily strong enough to snap basically everyone over her knee like dry twigs.” you say.

Karkat stares at you, slowly lowering the drink he had just picked up back down to the table. His expression flickers through surprise and then lands on malicious amusement.

“HAH! You LIKE him don’t you?! You’re into Dave!” Karkat accuses you with evil glee.

“Maybe not the best phrasing.” you mutter as you try to keep your mind clear of that.

“Oh, no, this is great. You gave me so much shit for catching feelings for Dave, you’d bring it up all the time to annoy me.”

“I know, alright? On this one count you have taste. I actually need help with this though, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?” you beg and Karkat at least stops laughing in your face.

“Please, you’re a grown adult. Just because you live with the guy and you think he’s attractive doesn’t mean he’s going to know. Dave can be perceptive for hyper-specific things but a lot of the time he’s an oblivious idiot. Yes he’s attractive, congratulations, your eyes work. You’re stuck living with him and spending all day on this bonkers mission training with him, of course you’re going to notice him.” Karkat says with a shrug.

You wonder if Dave is oblivious about stuff or pretends to be just so people won’t bring up things he doesn’t want to talk about. You’d have to see that in action to make a ruling on that but you’d bet that cultivating a reputation about sometimes being oblivious to things would serve him just as well as his reputation for being a terrible liar.

“Actually, this is really good news.” Karkat adds with a smile.

“How is this in any way good news?” you ask him dubiously.

“Because your relationship with Aradia was clearly over a good deal of time before it was officially over, the fact that you’ve developed a whole new attraction to someone else is a sign that you’re getting over her. Far quicker than you would if your breakup had been the actual end of things between you and her.” Karkat suggests.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not but… it’s not just…” you hesitate and Karkat’s eyes slowly widen.

“You have actual feelings for him.” Karkat whispers.

“I have actual feelings for him.” you agree unhappily.

“Oh. Oh shit.” Karkat curses softly.

“What am I supposed to do? I- it’s flush and pitch. I like the moments we’ve talked and I’ve felt that actual vulnerability under all that show he puts up. He’s been nice to me, he gave me a place to live and helped me with moving out. He’s thoughtful and supportive about all the mission stuff. But then whenever I challenge him on stuff about the mission that he can’t tell me because it’s classified or about Vikare it makes me so angry and when he’s pushing me with all of this training I want to prove I can meet his standards and so that’s pitch as fuck and… what do I do?!” you beg, like Karkat has some answer to this.

He looks at you, his expression all pitying and sympathetic.

“There’s not much you can do.” Karkat tells you gently.

“I know, I know that. I don’t want him to find out because for a start I don’t even know if he’s into guys and even if he is it doesn’t mean he’d be into me and even, EVEN if he was-” you rant.

“Jade.” Karkat finishes for you.

“I like Jade. She’s smart and funny and she’s always been part of our group, I’ve known her since elementary school when she was in the same reading group as us. She and Dave have been together as long as me and Aradia were and I don’t want to put either of them through a breakup like that, I know how much that hurts. Even if I did decide to be the universe’s worst person and try to take Dave from her, if he would agree to that and ditch her for me then he’s not someone I want. My best case scenario where he likes me back is a horrible outcome.” you say bitterly.

“I don’t think Dave would break up with Jade like that, he’s just not like that.” Karkat agrees.

“Exactly and I… like that about him. He can’t find out about this and I don’t know how I’m going to hide this from him.” you say quietly.

Karkat hesitates and then sighs deeply.

“Look, just for now, for this conversation in this room can we break the whole deal we have about me not acknowledging that you have feelings for me and you not acknowledging that I have feelings for you and neither of us directly talking about our own feelings? Can we set that aside for right now?” Karkat asks and leans back in his chair once more.

“It seems like the right time to do it.” you agree.

“If we can have feelings for each other and still be friends, best friends no less, then I don’t see why you can’t be friends with Dave despite your feelings. I know it must hurt because it’s new and unexpected but you’ll be okay.” Karkat tells you.

“But it’s different. We don’t talk about it but you know how I feel about you and you know that I know that you know. We both know to avoid the topic or sidestep it or whatever and we’re both silently doing that. I had to- Dave does yoga in his fucking underwear in our hive. Sure it was the middle of the night and he thought he was alone but that’s just living rent free in my memory forever now. If you lived with me you’d know how I felt and you wouldn’t be handing my imagination all the building blocks for things I shouldn’t be thinking about, imagining or even dreaming about. You wouldn’t do that because you’d know how I felt and you’d know that it’d be an asshole thing to do. Dave doesn’t know so I have to pretend that this is totally normal and debate giving myself thinksponge damage so I don’t slide into being the universe’s creepiest hivemate!” you insist loudly.

“Yeah that’s a problem.” Karkat admits.

There’s a lull between the two of you as you sullenly contemplate the half eaten burger before you. You should finish it because if nothing else Dave making you work out makes you hungry as hell. Reluctantly you pick it up and take another bite but it doesn’t taste as good now, like the sour tone of your conversation has altered your food too.

Karkat pokes some of his fries into a tub of ketchup and chews on them thoughtfully.

“What do I do? How do I get rid of this?” you ask him and stuff food in your mouth so if he says anything back right away you have an excuse not to instantly answer him.

“Get rid of a crush? Oh yes, I’m the expert at getting rid of emotional attachments. I’m just the very best at it.” Karkat says sarcastically.

You chew your burger glumly, the fact that you and Karkat are still into each other is probably not a stellar recommendation for either of you when it comes to getting over people.

“The way I see it you have two choices.” Karkat says, dusting his hands off from the stray salt sticking to his fingertips.

“Now you’re just pandering to me.” you grumble.

“Perhaps. First choice, you do nothing and hope that it’ll pass. Hope that this is a sort of reset for your emotional system. You were with Aradia for so long that just forming new attractions to other people is a step in the right direction. Dave is attractive and you’re in high contact with him so it’s an easy thing to fall into. You can hope that it’s a passing phase of you recovering from your breakup and if it’s not you can just try to keep it to yourself and hope that Dave doesn’t notice.” Karkat says.

“That sounds terrible, what’s the second choice?” you ask.

“The second choice is you try to get to the same state with him that you are with me. You tell him that you have feelings for him but that you’d never do anything to get between him and Jade and you just wanted to let him know so you’re not hiding things. It’ll probably be painfully awkward for a while, I know that he knew about my feelings for him when we were in school. Still not sure who dropped me in that, Rose or Jade. Or maybe June, that fucking blabbermouth probably threw me under the bus without even realising it. Either way it was a little awkward for a while and then fine.” Karkat suggests.

You try to visualise how that’ll go and physically recoil from that.

“Okay, no. Not doing that. That sounds like hell. Also, I have to spend almost all day every day with him so that’d be awkward as fuck and if I pass the test I need to pass I’m going to be stuck on a mission with him, his girlfriend and my ex. Oh, and Gamzee. Yeah, I really want to make that worse. No, I’ll just keep my feelings to myself and crush them down smaller and smaller. Maybe they can collide with my feelings for you and the two of them can merge into a black hole in my chest that’ll suck me in and then I’ll die without ever having to say anything to anyone.” you say vehemently.

Karkat gives you a look of concern.

“Do you need a hug?” he asks finally.

“Yeah, I really need a quadrant confusing bout of physical affection from you. No, I’d rather tongue fuck an electrical outlet. Now I have to go deal with two different Striders so if you’ll excuse me I’m leaving!” you snap and get to your feet.

You get to the doorway and hesitate, looking back at Karkat who’s still sat at the desk.

“I didn’t mean that. About the electrical outlet. Are-” you start.

“Yes, we’re still friends. I know what you meant. This conversation never happened, delete the chatlogs, etc, etc. Go on.” Karkat says with a roll of his eyes and a smile on his face that’s more gentle than his irked tone would suggest.

You nod, duck out of his office, and leave.

The route to the Strider building isn’t all that complicated but because you’ve never been there you have to follow the live map on your palmhusk. You try to put your conversation with Karkat out of your mind but it’s hard. Maybe he’s right and it means that you’re getting over Aradia and things mutually fizzled out between the two of you, that still doesn’t make getting an unrequited crush good news. Or, as you pointed out, even if it was a mutual crush between you and Dave this would still be bad news.

You just have to hope he doesn’t notice. So you should probably be thankful that you don’t have to see him so soon after having that conversation with Karkat. The other more harrowing thought is that you do, however, have to spend time with his older siblings.

Hal is a pretty easy to understand guy as far as you’re concerned. He’s smart, he’s capable, and he’s reasonably friendly. You only say reasonably because he’s kind of an asshole at times but that’s never been something that precludes you being friends with someone. You just don’t know Dirk and Roxy as well as him and you’re not dumb enough to assume that Dirk is the same as Hal because he looks the same.

Your mind reaches back to the card game not so long ago, they all seem to be pretty good at reading each other although you guess they’re not good at reading Dave. Now you kind of want to play that game with them again and make sure you pick up after Dave’s turn so you can see exactly how much they miss. They were okay at reading your tells though and you really hope you’re not going to walk into their workshop with ‘I suddenly have a crush on your younger brother! Ask me about it!’ written on your forehead.

Overthinking this is also probably a bad idea.

You walk into the Strider building and manage to spot a figure that your thinksponge automatically flags as Hal until you deliberately remind yourself that this is Dirk. Weaving your way through machines and people you walk up to him. He’s staring intently at his screen, so still you have to look carefully to see that he’s even breathing.

“Dirk? I’m here for the whole… tech thing.” you say as he taps at his keyboard to go back a little in the code on the screen.

“Uh huh.” he says vaguely.

You’d mock him for getting too into his code but it’d be very hypocritical of you. Instead you say something else.

“Also, fun fact. Humans don’t molt.” you say lightly.

Dirk wheezes with startled amusement, catching his breath and then just barely repressing his laughter as he looks up at you.

“How did he even think that’d work given how long you two have known each other? Wait, no, what did he say?” Dirk asks with curious interest.

“You two have a bet with this, right? I’m not sure I’m going to share trade secrets, I still have to live with him.” you say thoughtfully.

“Smart, I can respect that. I’ll figure out some way to bribe you, Captor. Roxy’s upstairs in the break room by the way. She has a surprise for you. In the freezer.” Dirk says and turns back to his work.

“Why do I have a feeling it’s not frozen grubcream?” you sigh.

“I wouldn’t rule that out as also being a thing, knowing Roxy.” Dirk shrugs but his attention is clearly on his code once more.

Resisting the temptation to read over his shoulder you find your way to the break room and find Roxy there tapping away on her tablet. She looks up when she sees you and smiles cheerily. You have a weird moment when you remember that Hal and Dirk could have looked like her which is weird to you because as far as you’re concerned Hal looks exactly as he should. Namely like a mostly endearing pain in the ass little code gremlin.

“Sollux! So, I was thinking, I’ve got all the manuals for all of the tech we’re sending there and I’ll give you those obviously. It’s proprietary tech of course so confidentiality, yadda, yadda. BUT that doesn’t really teach you how to fix things or show me what you’re lacking. I thought a practical experiment made more sense.” Roxy explains.

“That makes sense.” you agree.

“Great!” Roxy chirps.

She turns around to the thermal hull and yanks the door open, she reaches into the ice chamber and hauls out a basketball sized droid and dumps it on the table.

“They’re freezing out a whole area on the lower decks for cold weather training and I snuck a few things of ours in there. This sucker’s been exposed to the weather, there’s stuff wrong with it and I dropped it down some stairs. Fix that!” she says with bright cheer.

“I don’t think there even are stairs on Somnos.” you say eventually.

“You never know. Here’s a tool kit, I’ll come back in ten!” Roxy says and smacks you in the chest with a tool kit then wanders off.

Roxy hasn’t yet sent you the manuals so you have no informed idea of where to start. The device is mostly round and metal but you can see that it was previously attached to something that’s sheared right off. Grabbing a spare rag you buff most of the ice off and have a look, searching for a power button of any kind and finding nothing. Giving the device a tentative shake doesn’t produce any unsettling rattling so you guess ice hasn’t got inside and also nothing inside sounds like it’s broken apart.

You run your claws over it and feel an outside seam which, when you trace it around, leads to a panel that unscrews. The screw in it though is clearly deliberately fucked up so no screwdriver will turn it. Carefully you psionically unscrew it and then pry the outer casing off of the device itself.

Picking up your palmhusk you take detailed pictures of how everything is as you start to look at it, you can see a few loose wires here and there that might be worth a look in a few minutes. First things first you locate the battery and ensure that’s connected up properly. There’s a small multi current test kit in the tool kit Roxy hit you with so you have a quick check and see that you do indeed have power flowing. You can only assume this thing connects wirelessly to something so you get your palmhusk searching for connections, no dice.

When Roxy returns you’ve manually connected the motherboard of this thing to your palmhusk and have worked out that the wireless chip is fried but beyond that you’re not entirely sure. She’s impressed at how far you’ve got and it turns out that this device is part of a proximity sensor, it’s just the part that processes data and coordinates it with the others in the array. If you’d have known that and had the parts you could have had this fixed and Roxy knows that.

“If you didn’t have another wireless chip on you what would you do?” Roxy asks as she hands you one anyway just to see you connect it up.

“I’d go through whatever else we have that uses the same thing and see what can be spared. I’d expect your parts to be interchangeable since you’re not an idiot.” you say and glance up at her.

“Yeah, everything is as swappable as possible. Every screw, bolt, gear and whatnot that can be standard is and the ones that are super specialised we’re sending you with LOADS of replacements.” Roxy nods.

“So the planet scrambles communications a lot, do we know exactly how?” you ask and power the device on again, this time it boots properly on your palmhusk screen.

“It’d be good if we had tech from there but we don’t. From what I understand it’s the works. A certain amount of the problems are of the turn it off and on again variety which is an easy fix but doesn’t bode well for things staying running, other times it just fries the wireless chip a bit like that and other times it scrambles the communication codes so even if the parts are able to talk to each other they just talk past each other.” Roxy explains.

You lean back in your chair for a moment and frown as you think.

“The wireless chip I’d have to fix in person, can’t do much about that. Maybe change the housing that protects it but I’m not sure what you’d need to do with that. Turning it off and on again you could maybe work on a manual restart that works on a way more simplistic system-” you start.

“Like something that hits the on button mechanically if the machine is off?” Roxy asks.

“Right, if you go basic enough then things can’t break because of electrical interference, right?” you suggest.

“Man, now all I’m thinking of is those dumb kids toys. You know the box where you press a switch and a hand comes out and flicks it the other way and it just fights with you!” Roxy giggles.

“I don’t think I know what you mean, maybe it’s a human thing?” you say slowly.

“I’ll make you one for your wriggling day. Still it could be done but it’d require a bunch of re-engineering, it puts up safety hazards and really the last crew ought to have done it if anyone so it’s more cost than benefit there.” Roxy finishes for you.

“Right, but for the scrambled communication codes you could do something.” you tell her.

“I’m listening.” Roxy says slowly.

“Write a virus. Something that when a machine is on it occasionally sends out a burst message to everything on every communication channel to switch it to THIS channel, let that spread from machine to machine so the weight of reminding each machine what channel to be on is distributed and everything stays working. It won’t work if you need separate communication channels but it should stop that problem from going on for very long and minimise downtime for that issue.” you explain.

“You… filthy little hacker, I love it! See, this is why an outside perspective is helpful! Oh, I need to get Dirk in on this, come on.” Roxy beams and scoops up your disassembled machine piece and hurries out down to where Dirk is.

He looks your work over and listens to Roxy explain what you did and asks you a few questions about your thought process. When Roxy explains your idea about writing a virus to keep the machines in sync Dirk lights up and the three of you start working out a rough draft of the virus as Dirk walks you through the code that their machines run on.

The Strider’s code is simple and you don’t mean that disparagingly. There’s an elegance in simplicity and the code is clear to read with sensible notation explaining what has been done and why. There are sections clearly edited by Roxy where she includes links to saved versions of what was there in a previous edition, just for reference.

“Roxy tends to work on patching and updating things, she’s also an excellent stress tester.” Dirk explains.

“If I break it hard enough and we fix it then nothing else can break it!” Roxy cackles.

“...I can see why you don’t work with Hal.” you say finally.

Hal is a very good coder, he’s more like you in that he can slap something together in no time at all and his stuff works pretty reliably. Or, rather, he can be relied upon to make something that works. Exactly how it works might be a mystery to him and often his code is a spaghetti mess that shouldn’t work but does. That said his coding style isn’t too far away from yours when you’ve been on a very long coding bender so you’re both working from a place of mutual intelligibility.

Dirk clearly has to have control of all of his code and understand every part and why it works at all times and working with Hal’s stuff would obviously drive him nuts. You’d bet money that Hal leant into working that way just to annoy Dirk at one point and is now stuck like that.

“They make great stuff together if they can cooperate but honestly playing peacemaker between the two of them is exhausting and I’d rather not.” Roxy sighs.

“He goes out of his way to antagonise me when it comes to work.” Dirk mutters.

“Maybe if you didn’t assume every syllable he utters is a personally calculated attack on- no, see? This is why we don’t do this. Come on Sollux, let me show you our cool robots.” Roxy declares and stands up.

“I… sure.” you agree and get up to follow her.

You just catch Dirk quietly muttering that whenever they work together Hal is personally attacking him, but you decide to leave that alone.

Hal might be irritating purely for his own amusement at times but he’s not a complete asshole, he annoys you for fun but he never really pushes things too far. But that said you can see that if someone was to accuse him of deliberately being an asshole who goes too far all of the time that he might decide to live up to that somewhat, if he’s going to be slandered regardless then why not? Yeah, you’re beginning to see why Dirk and Hal working together would be a very destructive feedback loop. You’re sure they love each other as family and they were fine at the game night but perhaps it’s best that they don’t work together.

Roxy does, indeed, show you her cool robots. You admire the simplicity that they’re made with, there’s no complication where it’s not needed and you can very easily take a part out of this machine and stick it into that one with minimal fuss. There’s elegance, thought and practicality in these designs that makes them uniquely suited for operating under minimalistic conditions in hostile places.

“Why do I get the feeling that the machines from the ship that was there before us are going to fall apart when yours are probably going to still be working when the whole planet is obliterated?” you say to Roxy over the dismantled hull of one of the drilling machines.

“You sweet talker, you.” Roxy snickers.

Hours pass where you reassemble things for her and she points out the little quirks of engineering knowledge that she has. The wiring has a habit of coming loose here due to vibration, they have this particular fix to minimise it but it is a known issue and a smart thing to check first. You only realize just how late it’s gotten when your digestion sac gurgles loudly and angrily at you.

“Oh man, I hadn’t realised the time. Do you want to grab dinner? Dirk’s probably going home to Jake because they’re all grossly obsessed newlyweds.” Roxy says with a grimace.

“I can hear you.” Dirk announces from somewhere beyond a few stacks of machinery.

“He’s all, oh no my precious husband is going to have space adventures without me, clearly I must stare lovingly at his abs until that moment!” Roxy simpers.

You psionically catch the 3d printed soft plastic fidget toy that was mysteriously flying through the air towards Roxy’s head. Certainly not launched at her by Dirk, no, never.

“I never really worried that much about Aradia going off on missions, there wasn’t anything I could do about it and she was capable so I didn’t really think about it much. Now I’m spending more time looking at all the ways it could go wrong…” you trail off with a look at the machine you just assembled, you know the stakes.

If any of these machines break irreparably it affects how much you can get from Somnos and how many lives can be saved because of it. It’s a heavy weight to carry. Not to mention the potential risk to your own life if the life support systems on Somnos, the shuttle or the space station fail.

“It’s always hard watching Dave leave, Jake too of course but Jake’s our age. I’ll always think of Dave as being my little baby brother.” Roxy admits quietly.

Dirk appears behind the edge of the machine you’d been working on and you’re alarmed at how silently he moves, he obviously wasn’t trying to sneak up on the two of you given the casual way he leans against the machine.

“It doesn’t matter how much experience Dave has, we still always worry.” Dirk agrees.

“Hal’s probably going to get way too used to the hive being so empty. If he spends the whole time wandering around the hive naked I don’t want to know.” you say with a grimace.

“Alright, I swear I won’t tell you if that’s the case or not. But now you will always wonder, especially if I tell you Hal totally hasn’t been all over your loungeplank completely nude. Or sitting on your desk chair. This is a curse you’ve made for yourself.” Dirk smiles meanly at you, ah, your personal hell.

“On an unrelated note I should go home.” you say and stand up.

“You sure you don’t want to eat with us? Well, I say us, Dirk’s got to go back and get dinner ready for Jake in a maid outfit or something to try to persuade him not to go on this mission.” Roxy says, flicking a teasing look her brother’s way.

An expression flickers across Dirk’s face that you know immediately because Hal has the same look. It’s ‘I see that bullshit you just said and I’m doubling down on it’.

“Bold of you to assume that’s my outfit and not his.” Dirk says back in the most casual of tones.

“Cool, well I need to go kill some brain cells after that or at least switch them off for a bit. You could eat with me and Cirava if you like and chill.” Roxy suggests.

“I’m not sure if Cirava’s methods of chilling work with my particular deal and I’m not about to risk it this close to the mission. Maybe after though.” you say.

“Raincheck, got it. I’ll send you all of the files and stuff that you need and we’ll see if we can work in more time for you to have hands-on experience with the machines here, assuming I can pry you away from Dave.” Roxy says.

You’re not sure if it’s the phrasing of that sentence that has your bloodpusher lurching or if it’s just Dave’s name, either way you really hope that didn’t show on your face.

“Yeah, definitely. And maybe I can borrow the smaller parts to work on whenever I’m able to.” you suggest quickly.

“Right. Good idea, I’ll go grab you something.” Roxy nods and squeezes past you.

“One of the Squarewaves might be a good idea.” Dirk calls after her and you can hear Roxy distantly agree as she moves stuff about.

“So,” Dirk says as he looks back at you, “how’re you finding training with Dave?”

The expression on his face is pretty intense and you feel as put on the spot as you did at his wedding when you were lying to his face, only now you’re lying about NOT being interested in one of his brothers. Just, you know, different brother this time.

“It’s fine, he’s a good teacher. He hits that balance of pushing for progress and not pushing too hard.” you answer, remembering Dave’s concerns about his biological father. Maybe Dirk has the same thoughts?

“That’s good. How is it personally, though? After the whole ‘it’s not like we’re friends’ thing I’d wondered how things would be between you.” Dirk says lightly.

“Did Dave say that?” you ask, slightly irritated.

“Dave? No. Hal and Rose however definitely talk and have opinions.” Dirk says slyly.

“I’m sure they do. It’s fine, we’re friends. Dave and I are friends.” you tell him.

There’s nothing wrong with that, you like Dave. It’s nice being his friend, it’s not some second place and you’re fine. You know he’s with Jade, you’re not trying to replace her, it’s just a dumb crush.

“Cool.” Dirk says suspiciously vaguely.

Thankfully Roxy reappears with a boxy robot in her arms that she hands off to you.

“This is one of our Squarewave repair droids, normally they’d fix a lot of these problems themselves but I’m guessing that they’re going to be really buggy themselves this time around. We sent the Reaching Liberty their schematics a few years ago so there might be a few older models already on Somnos, I’d need to double check the logs of what’s still there, but if they’re up and working they’re mostly helpful.” Roxy explains and pats the square bot’s flat topped body.

“Mostly?” you ask.

“Hal programmed the AI, so.” Dirk shrugs.

“Ah, so it works really well, unsettlingly well but it also has features you didn’t ask for and now somehow can’t remove.” you guess.

“Spoken like someone who’s experienced it. Hal said he was going to stop putting AIs in things, what’s he done?” Dirk asks suspiciously.

“The IT call triage that only works when they’re on shift, I got it to rap like three different things at me. It was fantastic. And by fantastic I mean that the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap does not work at ALL in Alternian when it’s clearly been run through a babelfish program at least once.” Roxy beams.

“I’d say that I’m surprised but I’m not. Since Squarewave got assigned to important missions we got most of the personality quirks out. I think. Have fun with that.” Dirk sighs.

“Will do.” you nod and with a one handed wave you leave, carrying the Squarewave unit off with you.

You carry and float the robot the whole way home and when you kick your shoes off inside the door Hal wheels out of his room with a devious little expression on his face.

“I got a robot.” you tell him.

“Squarewave is the best. Also, look at this.” Hal says and tosses his palmhusk at you.

You catch the thing psionically and set Squarewave down on the floor so you can hold Hal’s palmhusk in your hand.

timaeusTestified [TT] began trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

TT: So I have to continue my life knowing that Sollux has a crush on my brother.
TT: Damn, you weren't supposed to find out.
TT: You knew about this?
TT: Of course, we're going to run away. We'll get a dog and we're going to have two point five children.
TT: I've got the band saw and everything, we're just trying to decide if we're keeping the left or the right half of little Timmy.
TT: I meant Dave.
TT: Dave? How could Sollux do this to me? What about little Timmy?
TT: This is why no one talks to any of us, you know that, right?

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

“Clearly the top half of Timmy is the right choice here.” you say and give him his palmhusk back.

“Is he right though? Do you have a thing for Dave?” Hal asks as he gets out of his desk chair.

“It’s not-” you falter.

“I’m not going to tell him.” Hal interrupts you and you slump a little in defeat.

“I don’t know. Kind of? I’m not out here to cause trouble, I’m not going to say or do anything about it and it’s probably a… a rebound thing since me and Aradia are over with and I’m spending all this time with Dave and he’s cool so… yeah. It’s not going to happen.” you tell Hal.

“I get that. I know it can suck to be in that position, where you like someone and it’s not possible. I get it. I won’t tell him and I’m not trying to give you shit, but if you need to talk about it you can talk to me.” Hal offers.

“Aren’t you kind of biased though? Jade is Jake’s sister and Jake’s your brother-in-law right?” you ask, you think that’s how that relationship works.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jade plenty. She seems to make Dave happy and she’s fun to be around. It’s not like you’re playing homewrecker here. I can, as it happens, have empathy for your feelings and still support her and Dave. I’m a complex and multifaceted person like that.” Hal says, rolling his eyes as he does so.

“I don’t know, that sounds like the kind of suspicious thing a robot would say. If you’re a cleverly disguised artificial intelligence you have to tell me, those are the rules.” you tease him.

At your feet the previously dormant Squarewave makes a tinny imitation of a police siren.

“Shit Squarewave, it’s the feds.” Hal says deadpan.

“I signed up for more cursed AI shit than I thought, didn’t I?” you groan.

“Considering that you’re asking the guy who named himself after a homicidal AI in a movie, yes, yes you did.” Hal grins.

You look down at Squarewave and sigh, yeah, this about sums up your day.

Chapter Text

You step through the doors of Tortuga and immediately spot Aradia. Several people call out hello to you and you wave at them as you pass but you don’t have time to socialise today, you need this meeting to be short and sweet so you can get back to Sollux. You’re a busy man, you have shit to do, nerds to train.

You’re kidding, really. He’s doing really well but it shouldn’t surprise you, psionics are utter shit at building muscle but they tend to come on leaps and bounds in endurance training. Picking Azdaja’s thinksponge about psionic stuff has really helped you through all of this.

“Hey, Dave.” Aradia greets you as you sit down next to her on the bench seat.

“Hey. How’s things? Not, like, balance shit but actual you things.” you ask her.

“Oh, you know. It’s going. I’ve been spending more time with the science teams though, Jade’s been organising all sorts of stuff. Considering that when she was a kid I remember her having coloured rubber bands on her fingers to remember things. It's impressive that she’s organising so much now.” Aradia muses.

“Yeah now she’s got that bullet journal thing that’s some bonkers level of art project. I keep telling her she should do videos on that for people but she doesn’t think anyone would be interested, but you know what they say, you can bring a hoofbeast to water but you can’t make it a hit sensation online.” you say with a wistful sigh.

“I’ll tell her you called her that.” Aradia teases.

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like this.” you gasp in offence.

“I’m sure you had some part in setting that all up.” Aradia says and picks up her drink.

“Not really, she said she’d been wanting to do something with all of your nerds for a while- not her actual words, and I’d told her that I’d got your back up a bit so she came up with the idea. I think you were just the thing that pushed her to do this now.” you say, going a little light on Karkat’s nudging on the topic there since you don’t want to drop him in it.

“I shouldn’t have bit your head off about that. It wasn’t any of your business but we’re friends and I know you meant well.” Aradia says.

It’s a compromising way of effectively saying ‘sorry not sorry’ but you’ll take it. Sometimes with Aradia that’s the best you get.

“It’s cool.” you shrug.

A lull falls in the conversation and you idly look around the room, there’s probably not going to be time for you to even get a coffee here and honestly you don’t want to get a drink if it’ll give the others the idea that this is a chill catch up. Like you said, you got shit to do.

“How… how is he?” Aradia asks, drawing your attention back.

You think about Sollux for a moment, he’s doing better than he was when you first moved him into your place but it’s clear that the whole Aradia thing is still a pretty fresh wound. As far as you know he’s not crying himself to sleep every night but you don’t have any proof. You’re going to take the fact that Karkat hasn’t been fussing around him constantly as a good sign for how he’s doing and a good sign for you personally because that always pisses Gamzee right off and you unfortunately have to work with that guy.

“He’s getting by. How’s Damara taking the whole breakup situation between you and Sollux?” you ask, diverting her question with one of your own.

Aradia frowns, backlit through her hair from the bright white light behind her in the otherwise relatively dim bar.

“I don’t think she ever really liked him, she doesn’t like many people. It’s hard to work with her with Sollux gone, I don’t normally think about the past much because what’s done is done but… it’s weird. I miss him now. I do things at home and I turn to say something to him or show something to him and I’m the only one in the hive. It’s getting to me, I guess. So yeah, Damara’s not a big fan of that.” Aradia says quietly.

“That sounds like it really sucks, I’m sorry.” you offer her sympathetically.

“How’s it been for you? How’s it going down at your hive with Sollux moving in?” she questions you and you wince at her words.

“Everyone whose opinions matter is fine with it. Hal’s thrilled to have his friend rooming with us and even though we both miss Rose she’s clearly delighted to be living with Kanaya so that’s good. Across the board among Striders either living in my hive or not, Sollux is rated either at approval or at the very least he elicits curiosity. He’s cool in a deeply uncool way that’s unapologetic and kind of wraps around again, generally our vibe.” you explain.

“That’s good at least. I- oh, here comes trouble.” Aradia mutters and picks up her drink as she says so just to cover her words.

Looking around you see Nepeta marching across the bar towards you both with Fozzer trailing in her wake.

“Gamzee’s going to get shit for being late.” you say with the tone of someone at least somewhat interested in watching that.

“No Gamzee?” Nepeta asks as she sits down.

“Not yet.” Aradia answers and checks her palmhusk but since you didn’t feel yours buzz you bet he’s not sent a message about being late.

“You alright boss? You seem kind of stressed.” you ask Nepeta.

It’s funny, Nepeta is genuinely a good boss. She’s a good friend too. She’s sweet, friendly, funny and generally speaking you don’t feel the chain of command too strongly with her. You’ll do what she says because you think she knows her stuff and you like her, the fact that you HAVE to is rarely an issue. It’s rare for her to be this stern and businesslike, clearly everything with the Carapacians and Somnos is getting to her.

“I definitely am. When Gamzee gets here we can start because there’s things I need him to do, or at least I need his input on them.” Nepeta sighs deeply.

“We have faith in you, soon we’ll be past this phase and things will be better.” Fozzer says with a nod.

You swear Fozzer is worse than Aradia with that shit, it drives you nuts. Aradia nudges you in the leg with her finger like she knows just what you’re thinking and given how long you’ve known each other and how close you are it’s a fair bet to say she does.

“Great, well, I’m getting something to drink. Dave, Fozzer?” Nepeta asks, given Aradia’s still mostly full glass.

“I’m getting in a pool with Sollux as soon as we’re done here, unless Porrim’s overrun. I don’t want everything sloshing around, thanks.” you tell her.

“Gross!” Aradia says brightly.

“Pale ale?” Fozzer asks hopefully and Nepeta nods then walks off.

Fozzer turns his attention to Aradia with a curious look on his face.

“It’ll pass soon enough.” Aradia answers his wordless question.

“I’m sure.” Fozzer nods.

You know it’s bad when you’re glad to see Gamzee walk through the door, he spots your group and lazily walks over, sitting down in Nepeta’s seat.

“Hi, Gamzee.” Aradia greets him.

“Hey.” Fozzer nods.

Before you can say anything Nepeta returns with her two drinks in hand and narrows her eyes at Gamzee.

“You’re late and in my seat.” Nepeta tells him flatly.

“Oops, sorry.” Gamzee says and scoots over onto your bench seat with you, effectively squishing you between him and Aradia.

“I need you to do something for me Gamzee, though I’m open to suggestions from everyone else here.” Nepeta says as she sets Fozzers drink down and then her own before sitting on her stool.

“What’s on your mind?” Gamzee asks in a deep rumble that you can feel through your body from how he’s pressed against you.

“I need you to keep Karkat on a shorter leash.” Nepeta says.

That sure is a mental image in your thinksponge that you didn’t need but definitely now have, thanks Nepeta.

“What?” Gamzee asks, like anyone would.

“He keeps poking around into this Vikare mess. He actually threatened to call an investigation into it knowing that it’d call off the whole mission!” Nepeta says sharply.

“Wow, Karkat’s got globes.” you say under your breath.

“Why would he be so insistent about this anyway?” Aradia asks.

“I can guess.” Gamzee mutters.

“Care to share?” you ask him.

“Sollux. He was hacking into all that shit when the Captain’s system caught him in its web, he was all full of questions. Obviously he’d be caught if he tried that shit again so he’s gone and dragged Karkat into it.” Gamzee growls.

“Not that I don’t love your spurious accusations but do we have any proof of that because I’ve firstly been keeping him pretty busy and second now that he knows the stakes he’s been pretty reasonable with the questions he’s asked and accepted it when I don’t tell him shit.” you counter.

Shit, you don’t blame Sollux for being curious at all and you know that if you were in his shoes someone saying ‘no, really you’re better off not knowing and I can’t tell you’ wouldn’t stop you in the slightest. You’ve always been more ‘science experiment’ than ‘scientist’ but you’re still curious about things.

Maybe you should talk to him about it.

“Karkat didn’t mention Sollux when he barged in demanding to talk to me. He was using the head of PPEE to try to strongarm the case, it’s a mess. I got an explanation sent out to him which cuts Karkat’s leverage away but he needs to stay away from this. For his good and so many others, Gamzee you need to steer him away from trying this again. Can you imagine if Karkat actually screwed this up for us and he then found out the stakes? The only reason we were able to read Sollux into the Skaia situation was because he could replace Vikare, Karkat cannot be read into this. You need to do something.” Nepeta insists.

Gamzee agrees quietly and an unpleasant feeling tangles in your gut. You have a working relationship with Gamzee and you trust him in that capacity. You can be friendly with him but that doesn’t make you friends. You’re friendly with Fozzer even though you’re not exactly friends. The two of you put your lives in each other’s hands and you’ll grab a drink together from time to time or hang for a bit if you’re around each other but neither of you are dying to drag the other into your outside work social circles. You’d prefer it if your relationship with Gamzee was like that.

Unfortunately Gamzee is tangled with your friend group thanks to Karkat’s terrible taste in moirails so he’s stuck in both your professional and personal spheres. Quite honestly you think he’s terrible for Karkat. Whenever you’re with Karkat and Gamzee at the same time Karkat seems always a little bit off, like he’s aware of Gamzee’s mood and reactions to things, always ready to excuse or pardon some behaviour or creepy exchange that Gamzee’s had with someone.

The idea of Gamzee ‘dealing’ with Karkat or reining him in sets your teeth on edge. Even Aradia who is famously ambivalent and unattached to other people’s problems seems uneasy at the idea. Especially because you can’t see that Gamzee can simply talk to Karkat and tell him to drop it, that’d never work. It wouldn’t work for the same reason that all of your friends getting together and telling Karkat that he can do better than Gamzee wouldn’t work, because Karkat digs his stubborn little heels in and deliberately does the opposite of what he’s told. If Gamzee is going to dissuade Karkat from this he’s going to have to manipulate him and that makes you feel sick.

Maybe that’s normal for moirails, especially in a situation where it really IS in Karkat’s best interest that he drop this but he really can’t be told up front why. Maybe it’s doing the right thing the wrong way, or the wrong thing for the right reasons? You’ve lost track of which is which. It’s not like you’re a great judge, your biological parents had fucked up tactics for getting you to do what they wanted. Do what I say or I’ll take it out on one of your siblings and blame you. Most people learn about shit like the Prisoner’s Dilemma as a thought experiment in game theory or in psychology but that was your childhood and you know damn well every result was recorded.

Absently you rub at the tattoo of your namesake on your arm, feeling out where you know that little folded over canine ear is.

Tuning back in Aradia is catching Nepeta up on the whole balance situation and she’s nodding along. You hope no one noticed you glazing over back there.

“Dave, how about Sollux? Do you think he’ll be ready in time?” Nepeta asks, turning her attention on you now.

Score one for you, you paid attention in time and no one knew you were off in your own head in this very important meeting that you definitely should be paying attention to.

“Definitely, he’s doing really well. I have his dataaaaaa…” you drag the last letter of that out as you pull your tablet out and hand it to her, “right here. He’s supposedly doing really well with the tech stuff, he’s even helped Roxy and Dirk improve some stuff and Hal’s helping him at home with the parts he’s borrowing from them. I’m not saying he’d pass the sailors full test but I’m sure by launch he’s not going to pass out or have a coronary from entering that atmosphere or anything.”

“This is really good. I’m really happy to hear he’s doing so well. Will his suit be ready for the cold weather training?” Nepeta asks.

“Yep. Porrim’s putting a rush on it for that, the exo-suit won’t be ready for it but the cold weather gear and lining will be so he can definitely come. I’m looking forward to it because his actual words were ‘how cold can it be that we need training?’ so that’s going to be amazingly funny to see.” you say with a grin.

“The coldest he’s experienced is a cold shower or especially harsh air conditioning.” Aradia groans.

“I’m going to have to go to medical to get my ass reattached after I laugh it off. Or maybe Equius can fit me with a cybernetic ass, Nep, you should ask him.” you tease her and Nepeta laughs.

“Somehow I think he won’t agree but if it comes up I’ll ask!” she snickers.

“Alright, well, I have to get back to work. I’ll leave you all to this.” you say and try to move but Gamzee’s got you stuck in place.

“Gamzee, stand up so Dave can leave.” Nepeta says with a sigh.

“Oh, yeah, right.” Gamzee nods and unfolds himself like the giant limbed menace that he is.

You’re left to do that awkward sideways shuffle that you have to do in crowded spaces that basically leaves you grinding up against Gamzee which is definitely not a thing you ever want to be able to say you’ve done. At the edge of your vision you can just catch a smirk at your misfortune but you studiously ignore it and extricate yourself as quickly as possible.

After a quick goodbye you head out of Tortuga and out through the Wild Rover. As you walk you whip out your palmhusk and fire off a message.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TG: hey are you about done yet
TA: ii thiink 2o. porriim'2 2topped puttiing her hand2 iin place2 ii never wanted her two put her hand2 so ii thiink 2he'2 done.
TG: oh yeah they get real in there with some of those measurements if i remember right
TG: but i always told myself that it's better to deal with porrims hands all over my plush rump instead of busting the crotch on my space suit and dying all because of my sweet ass
TA: 2orry giive me a moment
TG: oh is porrim back with her measuring instruments of mortification
TA: no, ii'm ju2t goregleiing how to unread 2omethiing after what you ju2t wrote
TG: wow harsh
TG: i might not be the jake english-strider of asses but my ass has been described as 'sweet' and 'very smackable' i feel impugned here
TA: it cost2 you absolutely nothiing two not 2ay thii2
TG: i wont stand for this slander
TA: ii'm weiighiing up iin my miind whether iit'2 worth the mortiifiicatiion of reportiing you two karkat ju2t two get you two 2hut up about your a22
TG: i will provide you with empirical proof
TA: ...of your a22??
TG: yes!
TG: by which i mean i already had planned to drag you to go swimming so i can get you to do cardio work and not make your knees explode from using them a whole bunch every day
TG: also they *say* theres no water under all the ice where were going but ive heard that shit before
TG: id feel better if i knew that you know how to swim if you get dunked in ice water
TA: ii'm ju2t goiing two leave the a22 tangent over there and not touch iit again
TA: and ii 2ee you typiing, that'2 not an iinviitatiion two iimply anythiing two do wiith the concept of touchiing and your a22
TG: boo youre no fun
TA: ii'm 2o much fun
TA: anyway, you know ii can fly. iif ii fell iintwo iice water ii would ju2t fly out of iit
TG: good point
TG: but you have to take psionic suppressors for the flight there so what if you fell into water right after we landed huh
TA: then you can diive iin after me, bouy u2 two 2afety wiith your a22 or 2omethiing.

You glance up from Sollux’s messages to see that your intuition about what stop you were coming to was right. You get up and figure that you can make it to Porrim’s in no time and get to see Sollux’s reactions to your sparkling wit in person. When you make your way into Porrim’s studio space you find that Sollux is indeed done and just waiting for you, or maybe just chatting it up with Porrim who seems to have been explaining how all of the suit parts work given the projection of it over her desk.

Sollux looks up at you as you walk in through the door and Porrim smiles to see you, her lip ring glinting in the light as she does so.

“Heya Porrim, can I have him back now?” you ask.

“Sure, everything should be ready at the time estimate I gave you before. I’ll have the thermal parts of his suit and the winter wear sent to your hive in the morning.” Porrim nods.

“You’re the best, you know that?” you tell her gratefully.

“I know, but it’s nice to hear it now and then. Go on you two, you’re making the place look untidy.” Porrim says and shoos you both out.

“Alright, let’s go swim. I… wait, you don’t have swimming stuff. I know because I packed your whole wardrobe up before.” you realise and stop in your tracks.

“No shit I don’t have swimming stuff. I’m not a seadweller or a human with your weird affinity for bodies of water despite not being evolved to breathe it. I’m also not an athlete and I’ve never needed to swim.” Sollux tells you.

“All the more reason for you to learn then, come on if we go up a few floors there’s a place I know that sells decent fitting stuff and not that like… painted on impossibly skintight stuff.” you say and catch his sleeve so you can pull him along with you.

“What’s your- you don’t wear that, right?” Sollux asks in a somewhat strangled tone of voice.

“I mean I have some from back when Nepeta went through a phase of getting us to a really high swimming standard for a water world we had to go to and it was all time trials but unless my goal is totally streamlined I’ll pass.” you say with a wince.

There’s something weirdly exposed about being in what is technically a public place wearing so little and what you are wearing is so skintight that someone could probably identify your junk in a lineup. Technically everyone there is as exposed as everyone else but it’s always made you feel a little self conscious, not least because there aren’t many humans there so you’re already noticeable.

“I vaguely remember something about a water planet. What was that like?” Sollux asks.

“I wasn’t a fan personally. We were pretty deep down in the ocean and it felt a bit too much like the set up for a horror movie. We were down there in this pressurised hab and we could go out in special suits to man the equipment if it needed it but it’s a big ocean and we were very small.” you say quietly.

“The fact that the habitat thing you were in could have burst would probably be scary but that’s not really that different from the ship, is it?” Sollux asks.

“You’re technically right but also very wrong.” you say as you both step into the elevator up to the floor you need to.

“How?” Sollux challenges you.

“You’re right that the situation technically applies to this ship and down there. But… does it feel that way?” you ask, gesturing around you.

Sollux seems to consider this and shrugs.

“I don’t have the experience to compare but I don’t really think about how at risk we probably are on this ship. I just think about work and my friends, games and… life stuff. You know?” Sollux shrugs.

“Good. That’s good.” you nod, suppressing the shudder that wants to run down your posture pole.

The door dings and Sollux steps out, you follow after him, exiting the shadowy cavernous elevator.

“Anyway, water world sucked. Ice is better if you ask me, I’d rather be on a cold planet than one that’s super hot. Desert planets are no fun, even with the suit’s cooling you’d be amazed at how much you can sweat and no one likes that.” you say with a grimace.

“That probably sucks super bad super fast, there’s no laundry drones down there, huh?” Sollux guesses correctly.

“Exactly. I think I took the longest shower ever when I got back, I could just feel the reek of other people’s armpit stank in my pores.” you say with a shudder.

“You’re really selling me on this whole sailor thing.” Sollux says flatly.

“I know, right?” you laugh a little weakly and pick out the shop you need in the distance and start towards it.

Sollux follows you without any protest and in silence too. By the time you reach the doors of the store you feel the pressure to talk building like words are jamming up behind your teeth.

“I feel like I had a point, somewhere back there. I think I kind of lost it though.” you laugh awkwardly.

“I could have told you that.” Sollux says smoothly with a smug little smile on his face.

He clips your shoulder with his as he passes you and the contact sends a spark through your nerves, it’s not the immediate kneejerk alarm from Bro suddenly in your space or your Mom looming out of nowhere to terrorise you. You’ve long since got accustomed to physical touch thanks to the environment your new family home gave you, your new sister’s playful affection and comforting hugs from your dad. Your Strider siblings too relaxed into existing together without fear and then when you graduated school and immediately became a sailor you got inundated with physical affection and a lack of personal space. Being touched doesn’t feel like a shock anymore, or it didn’t until that.

Psionic static or something. Probably.

“If you ever find a point then let me know.” Sollux adds.

“Yeah, yeah.” you mutter and watch as Sollux busies himself with looking through the stock on the shelves.

As he’s browsing your palmhusk pings.

gardenGnostic [GG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: hey dave are we still on for tonight?
TG: should be ive got to train sollux in the pool for the day
TG: and i planned to teach him about callsigns and protocols and whatever after that
TG: but i should be able to get that in before or during dinner
GG: well hey why dont you bring him over for dinner and we can do callsigns and i can even show him what the geology readings look like and explain things from a science side
TG: you dont mind doing that
GG: no not at all!
GG: besides if im honest i kind of want to see how hes doing since ive been talking to aradia about him so much
GG: or i mean she's been talking to me about him
TG: youre not spying on him for aradia are you
TG: you have to say if you are thats like the rules
GG: oh no not the rules
TG: even if telling me is against the girl code you have to tell me
TG: bros before hoes
GG: thats definitely what that means!
GG: no she didnt ask me to spy for her
TG: good
GG: but i cant say that im not interested to see how hes holding up given everything shes said
TG: jade
TG: jade look at my face
GG: im looking! i see no face!
TG: B/
GG: didnt anyone ever tell you that if you keep making faces theyll stick that way
TG: no but you know what i have heard
GG: no go on
GG: youre trying to think of something arent you?
TG: shut up
GG: shut up is what you heard?
TG: yes
TG: look ive just got bad vibes about the aradia thing right now and i want to make things better but im not totally sure how to
TG: but i do like the idea of getting more time with you and getting you to show the nerd in my custody your nerdy tech so im up for it
TG: but the face is still B/
GG: i have noted the face and i will see you both tonight!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

You put your palmhusk away again and look at Sollux who isn’t doing much productive at all.

“The amount of time it takes you to choose something isn’t going to cut into how long you’re swimming for, it just pushes dinner further back.” you warn him.

“Maybe I’m not hungry.” Sollux says in a contrary tone.

“You will be after swimming. Besides you’re going to be learning cool nerd shit tonight and we’ll get you your callsign set up.” you tell him.

“My what?” Sollux asks, leaning on the rack to look across at you.

“Your callsign. So it became evident pretty soon into this whole space thing that you couldn’t just go on last or first names, especially with humans as we like repeating those more than trolls do. The easiest thing to do with sailors and anyone who goes to a planet or space station is to give them a unique callsign. We keep an updated list with all the other ships so you’ll never run into another person with yours, you can use one someone’s used before if a good while has passed after them dying or retiring. It has to be one word, it can’t be a first name, it can’t be something that could be confused for a direction or a part of a ship.” you explain.

“Kind of like an adult troll title?” Sollux asks.

“A little. Some older troll sailors just use their title if it fits those rules and that’s fine but most people now pick their own and have it as something different so your work callsign isn’t something you’re going to get said to you in regular conversation, it keeps things separate.” you tell him.

“Huh. Okay. What’s yours?” Sollux questions you curiously.

Right, that’s a normal thing to ask. You try to brace yourself for this.

“Laika.” you answer him simply.

Sollux frowns and thinks for a moment and you can tell he doesn’t get the reference whereas human sailors tend to.

“Where did you get that from?” he asks.

Your mind briefly flickers to clear glass with endless darkness beyond, dead and hungry darkness with you stuck and strapped in place and unable to-

You breathe, unclench your jaw and answer as lightly as you can.

“First barkbeast in space, from Earth anyway. Early spaceflight days when humans were trying to work out if you could shoot something alive into space and not immediately kill it from cosmic rays or heat or whatever. They sent Laika up, she’s the barkbeast tattooed on my arm.” you say with a gesture to the hidden tattoo.

“Oh, that’s kind of cool. I don’t even know what happened when trolls first tried that, it was so long ago.” Sollux says thoughtfully.

“Yeah, it’s newer for us. There were statues and stuff about her.” you explain.

Bro told you all about Laika. He was trying to make a point about science, about discovery and greatness. But it was never the scientists and their admittedly needed work that you empathised with in that story, it was Laika.

“I’m not sure a barkbeast would understand it if you showed her the statue built for her. Do they even recognise images of themselves?” Sollux wonders as he looks through the swim shorts.

“Didn’t matter, she didn’t make it back. Or, well, her ship crashed back to Earth eventually but she was dead long before that. The rocket didn’t separate right and the cooling system couldn’t work well enough, she was supposed to live up there for seven days but she made it seven hours.” you explain clinically.

The people who put her in there didn’t care, it was all about what they could learn.

“That took a dark turn. You picked that name? Why?” Sollux asks as he looks at you with wide eyes, the swim gear forgotten.

“Jake went with Croft as his because of some old Earth game, Gamzee went for Pagliacci because of a clown joke, Jade chose chasmophyte because it’s a plant thing. A thing with plants that grow on rocks I think. Uh, Fozzer goes by Burke after this famous grave robber and technically that’s a last name of a person so he shouldn’t have been allowed it but it wasn’t like he went with a president’s name or something so I guess he skated by, Aradia got megalodon which was this big shark back on Earth way back-” you ramble on in a big rush.

“We don’t have to talk about it or why you picked it. It seems personal.” Sollux interrupts.

“I…” where were you going with that?

“Laika. Am I saying that right?” Sollux asks quietly, you nod.

“Ok. So, is this ok?” Sollux asks and holds up some black swim shorts, not ideal for being super streamlined but just fine for swimming like a normal person.

“Yeah, you’re good.” you tell him with a nod, relieved that particular conversation is over.

Sollux goes off to pay and it’s only when he’s done so that you remember that you should pay so that you can get Nepeta to reimburse you, but you suppose you can ask her to pay him back instead. With his purchase complete you lead Sollux back towards the sailor’s training area and the private pool beyond it, you let your mouth explain the cardio benefits of swimming and about how it works you out without putting strain on your joints unlike running. But as you speak your mind is back in your own past.

Sollux is clearly not keen on getting changed right in front of you and seems to be very deliberately not looking at you as you strip off, you suppose he’s avoiding looking at your Laika tattoo on your arm. You figure that you should give him a little privacy for now.

“I’m just gonna see how much company we’ve got in the pool, hopefully none and I can make this a totally private lesson.” you tell him.

“Uh. Sure.” Sollux says awkwardly as he stands there with his hands frozen on the buckle of his belt.

You nod and walk out to the pool area fully changed.

The surface of the pool is choppy and from the way Konyyl and Azdaja are standing at the side you guess she was just in there. She’s the one dripping water onto the floor at least. It’s funny the differences between human and troll culture with biology and social norms. Showing lots of skin was a boast of strength to an extent back in the pre-apocalyptic times and fishtrolls were happy to go with skintight or revealing outfits, things are different now, though some things don’t mesh up with human expectations. Whenever you swim you wear something to cover your junk, that’s just polite. Humans have this thing about people with tits needing to keep them covered but trolls don’t feel the need. It’s more common to see trolls with rumblespheres swim with them uncovered than see them wearing a bathing suit or a two piece. Konyyl isn’t wearing anything different from you, it’s not strange and it shouldn’t seem strange but you guess human stuff can be hard to shake.

“Are you guys done because I was going to show Sollux what’s what.” you call out.

As you do Konyyl stands up fully with her long hair plastered to her bare chest.

“I was going to have a breather and then go again. We could split the pool.” she suggests.

“Sounds good to me. How’s regular training been going? I’ve missed…” you trail off as your senses tingle.

Azdaja opens his mouth but you raise a hand to stop him saying anything. Something just changed. You eye the lights and then the water but nothing seems off. Closing your eyes you listen and wait, the feeling grows a little stronger.

Lyrics come at your mental beckoning and you mumble sing them, feeling out through the resonance of them as you do.

With your drums and guns and guns and drums, hurroo, hurroo
With your drums and guns and guns and drums, hurroo, hurroo
With your drums and guns and guns and drums
The enemy nearly slew ye
Oh darling dear-

Your eyes snap open and you turn on your heel back to the changing room. You shove the door open and see a now changed Sollux with Aradia holding his hand.

Aradia looks up at you, caught in the act and as Sollux turns he shifts the hand that Aradia had been holding to his side as a closed fist.

“Aradia.” you say quietly.

“Dave.” she says back.

“What did you do?” you ask, coming closer.

“Nothing that I’m not allowed to do, nothing you need to be concerned with.” Aradia says firmly.

“Sollux, what did she give you?” you ask without taking your eyes off of her.

“I didn’t- did you consider that this is personal?” Sollux deflects.

“Oh, it definitely is personal. Aradia doesn’t do this for anyone else so it’s definitely personal but it’s definitely my business so give it here.” you say and this time you do look at him, your eyes flickering to the dark shadow cast behind him on the lockers.

“Don’t you dare.” Aradia warns you.

“What did you do?” you repeat again as you look back at her.

“It’s just the songs! That’s all.” Aradia snaps and you relax a little.

“Like… what? Lyrics and recordings? Nothing else?” you check.

“The Captain won’t pull him, you’re not giving him what he needs, I’m not letting him-” Aradia starts and above you the fluorescent strip whines as it flickers brighter.

“Radia.” you say meaningfully and you both pause.

“Sollux, can you go out to the pool?” Aradia asks without looking away from you.

“What? No!” Sollux snaps and to be honest you don’t blame him for that.

She psionically picks him up and tosses him out there, faster than he can react and slams the door to the changing room shut afterwards.

“I’m sorry.” you apologise quietly and you know how much that must piss Bro off.

“I didn’t want to go behind your back but he’s unprepared, all I can picture is the future where this all goes wrong for him and I can’t just leave it like that. Even if you don’t care about him-” Aradia starts.

“I do care about him. I care about you too, you’re my friend. But you know that you’re just giving him more to be curious about, more to reach out with. For all you know you’re making this future that you’re so worried about.” you point out.

“I can’t do nothing.” Aradia insists.

“You can, people do nothing all the time. I’m doing nothing right now, watch.” you say and stand perfectly still for a moment.

“You would be the same if Jade-” Aradia begins but you interrupt.

“Uh, I think you’ll find that Jade flies all the time and I never stopped her even though I know what the risks are and she doesn’t.” you interrupt.

“But she’s not in as much risk as Sollux is!” she argues.

“I know that now but I didn’t then and I had every reason to think she might be. Look at her grandmother, look at Jake. I know Sollux’s ghostly psionics put him at risk just like yours did and I get wanting to help but you can’t just go behind my back like that. We’re supposed to be a team!” you insist and it’s hard to keep the hurt from your voice, you’re not sure you manage it entirely.

Aradia tenses and you think for a moment she’s about to fling something back in your face, some cutting remark or thing she knows that’ll really hurt but no. Instead Aradia’s shoulders slump slightly.

“I know. We are a team but I… I know me and Sollux aren’t together anymore and I know that even if he knew everything he’d still agree to this but he’s just been through so much already and I didn’t want to…” Aradia trails off.

You lean against the lockers in silence. People don’t talk about it because losing Mituna nearly broke Sollux completely. Mituna was impulsive, reckless but he was good and close enough in age to Sollux that you saw him around school often enough. For the Serkets to just kidnap him like that was unthinkable, especially when you know what they sold him off to pirates for. It was grief, anger, a black pit of depression and more survivor’s guilt than anyone should have to deal with. They could have taken Sollux but they didn’t, they took Mituna.

Sollux pulled through eventually but it scarred him, it left marks on him in ways that you know leave him vulnerable. And Aradia’s right, he doesn’t deserve this. It would be better and fairer for Sollux to have a peaceful life now but things aren’t fair and Aradia’s already admitted that even if Sollux knew everything he’d still agree to this.

“If it was really just the music we’re fine. But level with me, ‘radia. Is that all you gave him?” you ask her softly.

Aradia nods.

You pause and glance at the shut locker room door. Aradia is fully combat trained just as you are so it’s not hard to silently sign to her that someone is on the other side of the door and give her a questioning look so she knows that you’re asking. Aradia nods. It figures, if Sollux wanted to he could no doubt rip that door off. You guess he thought there was more value in eavesdropping. You’re pretty good at not explicitly saying anything you’re not supposed to so you don’t think you’ve given anything away, or at least not more than Sollux already suspected.

Reaching out you bang your hand on the button by the door and Sollux damn near falls through it onto his face, he manages to catch himself in time though and you’re impressed that he has the guts to look entirely unashamed about listening in on your conversation.

Aradia crosses the few paces of the locker room floor between them and pulls him into a hug, one which Sollux looks completely confused about.

“I’m sorry.” Aradia apologises and lets him go.

“I don’t understand, Aradia what’s- hey don’t go!” Sollux protests but Aradia’s already on her way out of the door back out into the main gym.

“You should probably put that drive in your locker, there’s no point hiding it since I know you have it.” you say with a sigh.

“What is this thing that I don’t know and what do my psionics have to do with it? You said I wasn’t in more danger, that what happened to Vikare wasn’t going to happen to me.” Sollux says accusingly.

“It’s nowhere near that bad. I didn’t know Vikare all that well at all and I still wasn’t okay with letting him get into the kind of situation that killed him, if you were at that risk I’d never have agreed to this. It’s not that.” you assure him.

“But it’s related to it, isn’t it?” he asks.

Well, yeah.

“What’s on this that’s so important that Aradia risked that to give it to me and how’s it going to help?” Sollux asks, holding up the drive in his hand that you already knew he had.

“I’m trusting her that it’s nothing bad.” you say with a shrug.

Sollux scowls at you and wrenches his locker open, he pulls his palmhusk out and presses the drive to it, getting a peek at what’s inside.

“This is just… sheet music and audio files. Why did she give me this?” Sollux asks, looking back at you.

“I couldn’t say. Since you’ve got it though, it’d be an idea to look into it.” you say as vaguely as possible.

Sollux tosses his things back into the locker and scowls at you.

“Sometimes,” he says, “I could murder you.”

“Technically with your psionics you could murder me all the time so you can probably chalk that up as not much of a deterrent. Also of everyone who’s tried to actually kill me no one’s succeeded so I’m feeling pretty okay about this. Okay enough to ask you for a favour.” you say lightly.

“You’re hiding shit from me, things AA clearly wants to tell me that apparently put my life in danger and you want me to do YOU a favour?!” Sollux snaps.

“Nepeta is having trouble with Karkat poking into the Vikare thing, he threatened to stop the mission and you know what that’d do to everyone on Skaia. If Karkat mothballed this whole thing and then found out how many people he’d killed doing it what do you think that’d do to him?” you ask and Sollux pales.

“Yeah, I thought so. Now I’m not accusing you of using him to get answers, I know Karkat’s stubborn enough himself and I know he was around you when the Captain had you picked up for your cyber crimes so I wouldn’t put it past Karkat to know more than he should anyway. But Nepeta asked Gamzee to keep him on a short leash away from all this and the thought of that makes me want to throw up everything I’ve ever eaten. So all I’m asking is for Karkat’s sake and literally billions of people maybe try to nudge him away from doing that. I sure as shit don’t want to know what Gamzee intends to do and I don’t want anyone to have to find out either, especially Karkat.” you add.

“It’d be way easier if I could tell Karkat WHY this mission is so important, if he knew the cost it’d be easier to talk him out of the obvious cover up you people have going about Vikare.” Sollux points out.

“Oh, I agree. Captain agrees too. Keeping this whole thing about Skaia secret is shady as hell and I don’t like it one bit. The problem with my job is that if I leak top secret information I get court-martialled and I can’t have that. Sometimes you get stupid orders and all you can do is tell the people giving them that they’re stupid and then do it anyway.” you shrug.

“This would also be easier if you weren’t hiding what happened with Vikare.” he adds.

“Agree to disagree there.” you say, he really doesn’t need to know that.

“If you weren’t banned from telling me, would you tell me about what happened to him?” Sollux questions you, pushing his locker so it clicks shut and walking up to you.

“I happen to agree with the reasons behind why I legally can’t tell you, so, no. Even if I was allowed I wouldn’t.” you tell him.

You wish you could unknow the things you know.

“I can keep a secret, you could tell me and I’d never let anyone know.” Sollux offers, his voice soft and promising.

You wonder if he thinks that you’re dying to tell him and you’re just holding back because you have to, like you are with not saying about the Carapacians. The thing is that this is something he is better off not knowing. He’s grown up not knowing, he’s had a life not knowing. You got all that ruined for you as a kid, you’re stuck in this job because of that. If all goes well for Sollux he passes the flight test, you take him to Somnos, he keeps things running so you can bring him back and save lives. Then he can go back to working with Hal, or if he really feels like it he can be like Jade and come along none the wiser and still have a real life.

It doesn’t matter how nicely he asks, you’re not taking that from him.

“Come on, you need to swim.” you say and walk off to the pool.

Sollux follows you but you can feel the heat of his intense stare on your bare shoulderblades as you walk ahead. Azdaja and Konyyl, pros in the minding-their-damn-business game are swimming like nothing happened at all. You turn to Sollux at the edge of the pool absently stretching your arms out as you do. Sollux is clearly trying very hard to not stare at you and instead make eye contact, you’ve got a bunch of scars and tattoos on you but you don’t know how to assure him that a good number of them are from work and don’t carry a super sad story. Pointing out that they’re not all bad leaves the true but unsaid statement that some of them are bad and you’d rather not have that talk.

So, he’s not staring and you’re not noticing that.

“Normally we’d do weightless simulations in the pool with you in your full suit and with weights so you can be used to moving without gravity but they scrapped that for psionics that can fly years ago so congrats on that.” you tell him instead.

“Yeah I’m already well versed in that.” Sollux shrugs and floats up in the air a little to prove his point.

“Right, cool. So, the basics of swimming…” you begin.

Teaching Sollux to swim at all takes a few hours and Azdaja comes over to help, having another psionic describe how to relate it to floating and flying seems to make things click for Sollux. Konyyl helps with little tests and challenges and you’re able to relax into teaching Sollux.

He isn’t the universe’s most graceful swimmer, nor is he the fastest, but he definitely works hard and by the end he looks exhausted enough that you know you did good. You drag your exhausted friend back to the changing room which you have to yourselves since Konyyl and Azdaja called it a night before you two did. He still seems a little uncomfortable getting changed or showered around you, so you pretend you don’t notice and just go about your business and only start talking again once you’re decent. If he needs to pretend you’re not there before then you won’t interfere with that.

“Ready to go hang with Jade?” you ask as you rub the worst of the water out of your hair.

“I guess.” Sollux shrugs.

His hair always seems to be smooth even if it’s messy because he’s not done anything to it, it just seems well behaved. Your hair is sort of mostly straight but there’s enough of it that’s not straight and well behaved that on the best day you have volume and on the worst random parts decide to go a little nuts. You leave it alone and it mostly leaves you alone. Roxy tends to encourage the curl in her hair that’s no doubt the source of the chaos in yours whereas the rest of your siblings aggressively flat iron their hair and go to town with styling products of all kinds.

Trolls have texture in their hair too, Sollux’s is smooth although it clearly grows in different directions in places. Terezi and Equius are in that boat too. Karkat’s got the same chaotic kind of thing that you have only worse, same with Gamzee except you know for a fact that man never does anything with his which is why he always looks like he’s been dragged backwards through a hedge. You say that as someone who has been there when he’s gone through shrubbery and, yeah, the look is the same.

That was a long mental monologue to have to yourself as you watch Sollux absently rub a towel over his hair and then slide his claws through it so it’s all nice and neat again.

Anyway.

“You can ask Jade about, like, rock and plant jokes. She has a lot.” you say, just for something to say.

“I can’t think of many things I’d like to ask her about less.” Sollux informs you, still holding his towel.

He looks a little lost about where to put it so you take it from him and toss his and yours down the chute to the laundry. He takes a moment to register his swim shorts as his on his palmhusk so that he can throw them in there too and the droids will return them to him at your hive. In the end it's not too long until the two of you are walking out of the changing room together.

“You did good today, by the way.” you offer.

“Tired.” Sollux mumbles.

“Look, about before I… I am sorry about that shit. I’m not trying to be a jerk here and I’m not going to take your totally sensible questions and frustration to heart or anything. I get it, it’s just this is the way things have to be.” you tell him sincerely.

“I believe you. I guess. I don’t like it though and I still sometimes want to punch you in the neck for being so fucking frustrating.” Sollux grumbles.

“That was specific enough that I’m concerned, thanks for that.” you say with wide eyed alarm.

“You could avoid that possibility by telling me what I want to know.” Sollux says, looking at you out of the corner of his eye, his bright pupils in his otherwise glowing eyes-

“Hey, I just thought-” you start.

“Congratulations.” Sollux interrupts.

“Blow me. No, what I thought was like… about your eyes. Before I got these whenever I looked at your face it was just a hazy glow, I couldn’t make out your features unless I was Terezi levels of inappropriately close. But now with these I can see you just fine, I can see your eyes perfectly well but I just realised that when I’ve seen comics with psionics in it’s just flat colour. Can other people not see what direction you’re looking in?” you ask curiously.

“No? Wait, you can?” Sollux asks and comes to a stop.

“Yeah, so if you look at my eyes everything that’s black here is red or blue glow on you and the iris and pupil are like a brighter, whiter glow.” you explain.

“I think people can see that in the dark if they’re really close, but… no. Most people just see the light. Just how good are your eyes?” Sollux asks, clearly shocked.

“Huh, neat. It’s just weird for me is all, I never had normal eyesight so I guess sometimes I don’t know if it’s a new eyes thing or just something people don’t talk about because obviously everyone knows this obvious thing.” you must and start walking again.

It takes a moment but Sollux catches up to you, eyeing you suspiciously.

“You can’t see through walls or anything, can you?” he asks and you roll your eyes.

“No, I can’t. I really don’t want to anyway. I’m not interested in what you do in the privacy of your own block and remember that until you moved in I lived with my brother and sister, I’d PAY to not be able to see through walls. So, no, can’t do that. I do have crazy distance vision but unless you’re planning on writing mean shit about me on your tablet from the other side of the park to me I think you’re fine.” you laugh.

“There’s very little I’d say about you without you there that I wouldn’t say to your face.” Sollux informs you tartly.

“I appreciate your willingness to be a tool to my face.” you nod.

“Good.” Sollux says.

The two of you step onto a train and find some seats real quick.

“So what’re you saying about me that’s too heinous to say to my face? Oh! Or… are you saying nice things about me?” you ask him teasingly.

Sollux grimaces at your words and that expression alone is enough to make you crack up.

“Even IF I had complementary things to say about you, and I’m not saying I do, I wouldn’t say them to your face. Have you met you? You’d be insufferable.” Sollux sneers.

“Aw,” you say with a grin, “you like me. You really like me.”

“No, I hate both of us. This conversation is awful. I wish we’d both drowned in the pool.” he mutters but you can see his face going a bit yellow.

If you tried you could track the change in colour depth there, you could do that. You won’t though.

“I knew you’d admit we were friends sooner or later.” you tease him.

“I admit nothing!” he hisses at you, making you crack up fully.

When the train gets to the right stop you nudge Sollux to get up and let you both out, it’s the same section of the ship that Aradia does her sciency work in too and from the slightly glum look on Sollux’s face you guess he’s thinking that as well. You take him to Jade’s lab and peek through the window by the door to see that she’s alone in there.

“Are we going in or what?” Sollux asks, standing at the door by your side.

“Just a sec.” you tell him.

You tap quietly on the glass with your fingernail, not enough to make a loud noise but enough for Jade to take notice and look around to see what it was. As soon as she starts looking you unzip your hoodie slowly and then drop it on the floor just as she looks around.

“The fuck are you doing?!” Sollux demands, his voice going up in pitch slightly.

Jade catches sight of you just as you’re moving to take your tshirt off and cracks up laughing so loudly that you can hear it from outside. She jumps off of her chair and hurries to the door still laughing. Sollux is looking at you with confusion and what you’re going to guess is proximity based embarrassment from the colour he’s turned, which makes sense since you’re in the hallway of an academic institution halfway out of your tshirt.

“You goof, I didn’t order a stripogram!” Jade laughs as she swings the door inwards and leans out to look at you.

“You didn’t? Must have been someone else, I can’t keep those emails straight. Boy, is my face red.” you say smoothly and delight in the snort laugh that you earn from Jade.

“You’re impossible.” she laughs and then leans in to kiss you quickly.

“I’m the best.” you say in response.

“Do you two want to come in if you’re done embarrassing Sollux in the hallway, I’m so sorry for him but I’m sure you’re used to it by now.” Jade sighs.

“I’m really not.” Sollux manages, his face bright yellow.

He does follow Jade into the lab though and once you pick up your discarded hoodie you go in as well. She’s already talking to him about her work and why it’s important so you just fall into a chair and sit and wait. Every now and then you have things to contribute, or really more that you have dumb jokes to add.

“I mean she says she’s a geologist as well as a botanist but I don’t class geology as a science.” you add at one point.

“Your classification of what is and isn’t science isn’t one that anyone else holds.” Jade groans from behind her desk.

Sollux seems concerned by this, you hope he doesn’t think that you’re really devaluing your girlfriend’s work or her massive brain, so you elaborate.

“I maintain that if a standard test is ‘lick it’ and that’s appropriate then you’re not a science.” you explain.

“Is… that a test?” Sollux asks uneasily.

“Ugh, sometimes. Look, it’s a valid test of porosity to determine if something is bone or another mineral entirely. Licking something when you know that it’s safe to do that test is perfectly fine.” Jade huffs, you know she’s not annoyed because you’ve done this faux debate before with other people.

“Name another science where that’s ok. Chemistry? Nope, no one says lick your lab samples. Nuclear physics? Please no. Zoology? Do not lick the animals.” you list off.

“Gynecology?” Sollux suggests after a moment and you laugh so hard you nearly fall out of your chair.

“Oh god, definitely no!” Jade cackles, slumping over her desk.

“They weren’t offering that last time I was there.” Sollux snorts.

You know that gynecology doesn’t mean that Alternian, for them it’s just the docterorrist that deals with your junk and since trolls ticked ‘yes’ in the box of would you like this set or this set all trolls see the gynecologist. It doesn’t translate well from human languages to Alternian because it’s not a gendered thing for them. Still, the point remains, that’s another science where you should not have licking something as a test and your point still stands.

In your pocket your palmhusk buzzes and you pull it out, shit it’s the check and balance chat.

Burke: Can_someone_balance_my_check_please?
Laika: yeah sure i can but this is earlier than usual right
Burke: Yes_but_unfortunately_I_need_to_sleep_soon_to_prepare_for_the_setup_for_tomorrows_training_and_Megalodon_couldn’t.
Laika: makes sense
Pagliacci: Oh sOrRy i jUsT SaW ThIs yOu nEeD Me oR'S LaIkA GoNnA Do iT?
Laika: i got it
Laika: ive had johnny i hardly knew ye stuck in my head all afternoon so you wanna roll with that instead of me just following your lead
Burke: That_works_for_me.

You lean your elbows on an empty desk and let your gaze rest blankly on your palmhusk and quietly hum the tune. Flicking your vision off is easy and you’re instantly plunged into darkness, as the bars of the song resonate in your throat you feel the bright glow of Fozzer across the ship and the way it throws light all the way to you. At your feet your shadow flickers in muted agitation as the foreign brightness washes over you. There’s no familiarity with it outside of the ship.

With a blink your sight comes back and your humming turns lighter as you type back into the chat.

Laika: balanced
Burke: Thank_you.

Jade’s quiet whisper snaps your attention back to the present but you act like you’ve not heard a thing.

“He’s always singing or humming those songs, it’s a sailor thing I know but still they’re old human shanties most of them even if they’ve been translated. He plays the violin too, have you heard him?” Jade whispers.

“I haven’t.” Sollux says slowly, like he’s putting ideas together that you’d really rather he didn’t.

When in doubt feign ignorance and pretend you’re still mindlessly scrolling your palmhusk, that’ll fix the problem. You actually do end up getting sidetracked in your palmhusk before too long, what can you say, the internet is entertaining. Your ears prick up a little later when Jade raises her voice a little.

“Oh my god you can’t say that! I know what you mean but you definitely can’t say that!” Jade laughs.

“Ok, ‘normal’ is probably not the word but it’s the one that’s like most trolls is what I mean.” Sollux amends hastily.

“Bisexual, not the same. Oh wow.” Jade laughs.

Ah, he must have noticed the little flag sticker on her ID. Humans dealing with trolls tend to put flags on their IDs because trolls often aren’t that great at understanding human sexuality and interpreting if humans are even theoretically interested in a given gender at all. They’re also not great at picking up subtle indications of human sexuality, not that humans can always do it either. People are often surprised that Dirk is gay, although how always confuses you, but very few people see Rose and think straight girl. So, yeah, optional little pride flags on ID badges tend to smooth things over.

“What’s the straight one again?” Sollux asks curiously.

Jade makes a thoughtful noise and clicks about for a moment until she brings it up on her screen, you’re assuming anyway since you can’t see her screen at this angle. You do see Sollux’s gaze slide over to you though.

“Oh, Dave doesn’t do the flag thing.” Jade explains, clearly clocking the direction Sollux is looking in as well.

“I’m with Jade so it doesn’t matter and only one person needs to know my orientation.” you explain before he can ask.

“Two.” Sollux corrects you.

“Yeah, yeah, Sollux and his two thing. No, only one person needs to know so quit it.” you retort.

“It’s not that but it’s still two people, surely.” Sollux says.

“No-” you start to argue but Jade cuts in the middle.

“Dave, you’re people. You and me is two.” Jade interrupts.

Oh. She has a point.

“Dumbass.” Sollux snorts.

“Shut up. Look, I just don’t need to tell everyone everything about me, I’m an intergalactic man of mystery you know. I can’t just hand out juicy info like that to everyone.” you tell him casually.

“Sure. You’re an intergalactic dumbass more like. But hey, I’ll give you this much, you’re smarter than you look.” Sollux says coolly and watches you.

Under his gaze you falter, trying to work out if he’s insulting you or not, you’re pretty sure he is but you’re not sure if… would you being hot mean that he’d assume you’re real dumb or would you being smart mean that… uh?

Clearly your confusion is very amusing to Sollux and Jade isn’t helping much. You return to your palmhusk, you’re not sulking thank you very much, and let Jade teach Sollux about callsigns. Eventually you all get hungry enough for dinner that you seem to decide as a group to call it a night without any one of you explicitly saying so.

Since Jade is the last one in her lab she leaves last and turns her focus to the door to properly lock it. You rest your chin on her shoulder and wrap your arms around her waist.

“Hey, where do you want to go for dinner?” you ask her.

“Hmm, I’m not sure. Got anything in mind?” Jade asks as she starts to key in her code.

You make an indecisive kind of sound and nudge a thick lock of her dark hair out of the way so you can quickly kiss her neck. You’re both so busy that sometimes it’s hard to get time together so you appreciate it when you can just be close to her.

“Oh, what about that pasta place?” Jade suggests, turning her head and reaching up to cup your cheek with one hand.

“Which one? The one where they quick boil stuff at crazy speed or the one with the amazing deep fried grubs and- oh… fuck their aioli is the best.” you say with your mouth already starting to water at the idea.

“Well I think that decided it!” Jade laughs.

“Yes! Hey, Sollux what-” you look around at Sollux and your words falter.

It’s not that he seems annoyed or angry, it’s nothing like that. He’s not looking at you like you and Jade are being gross and couple-y, it’s more that he seems hurt. As if watching you and Jade together is painful. You let her go and step back, trying to fix your tactlessness. Of course he wouldn’t want to see you cozied up with Jade after splitting with Aradia, especially since he saw her today as well.

“Did you-” you try.

“No it’s… it’s fine. I need to do more work on the Strider robots and Hal said he’d help if I needed it, plus he needs crushing at Mortal Kombat. He’s getting ideas about being good.” Sollux’s delivery is reasonably smooth and believable but you can see that he’s not looking right at you even if Jade probably has no idea. You can see it though, you know that Sollux can’t quite look at you right now and you feel awful for it.

“If you’re sure, we really don’t mind.” Jade offers.

“No, I’m good. Thanks for the help today, seeing your tech and work up close is really helpful actually.” Sollux replies.

“Well, okay then.” Jade nods.

Sollux waves and walks off before either of you can get another word in, not that you’re sure that you could with that heavy ball of guilt deep in your stomach.

“Shouldn’t have done that.” you mumble.

“It’s habit and it’s not like you were rubbing his face in us being together and him being single, there’s no way he thinks that. It’s not like he can stop seeing couples together forever just because he and Aradia broke up.” Jade reminds you.

“I know, I just… feel like a jerk.” you mumble and glance down the direction Sollux left, not that he’s there anymore.

“That’s because you’re a softie.” Jade teases you gently.

“I- hey!” you protest.

“Come on, let’s go eat. You made me hungry for that aioli now.” Jade smiles and pulls on your arm.

You go with her and even though throughout dinner you’re able to let your feelings of guilt go, enough to enjoy your time with Jade anyway. The two of you end up throwing together a plan to have a movie night with you two, Rose and June just like old times. It’s not that you don’t enjoy your family movie nights, or the ones with as many of your friends together as possible that Karkat usually wrangles, but there’s something nice having your old little hangout quad movie nights. It’s nostalgic and you’re a sucker for nostalgia.

God, you remember when movie nights with the four of you were the highlight of your week. You were so new to having more sisters and it was a good way to get closer to June since you’re the same age, back then Jane seemed so much older and harder to relate to. You got to know June better and Jade was the first person you ever had a crush on, on your last ship you’d been so busy just trying to survive and stay sane that you didn’t have time for any of that. Movie nights with Jade there were full of fluttering anxiety for you, the worry that she might not like you back, trying to play it cool. Yeah, it was a time.

You get back reasonably late and Sollux has either gone to sleep or shut himself in his block. Since you’re on such a nostalgia kick you remember how interesting it was watching Sollux and Karkat when you were new here, being the species that’s in the minority for a change meant that you really got to see troll culture up close. You only really caught the tail end of their chaotic will-they-won’t-they before Sollux got with Aradia instead but it was still pretty dramatic. Quadrants always seemed crazy complex, a thought that always made Karkat go on a high volume rant whenever you mentioned that idea.

After saying a quick hello to Hal you get ready to go to sleep yourself since you have cold weather training in the morning and you’ll no doubt be running and climbing all over the place, so it’s better to be rested. After that and in the reasonably soundproofed privacy of your own block you play a song at the behest of the balance chat and when Fozzer pings back and all clear you decide to send out a message you really didn’t want to send.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

TG: gamzee we need to talk
TC: GiVeN ThAt yOu'rE NoT OnE FoR SoCiAl mEsSaGeS WiTh mE WhAt's uP? i cAn oNlY AsSuMe sOmEtHiNg tErRiBlY BaD
TG: not sure id say terribly bad
TG: actually yeah i think i will say that
TG: aradia showed up today shes clearly still a mess over sollux and theres no way shes going to be able to work on the same ship as him
TC: GuEsSiNg tHaT YoU MeAn sHuTtLe sHiPs aNd nOt tHiS ShIp wE'Re oN NoW
TG: obviously not this ship
TG: but yeah i guess im going to have to take fozzer and youre going to have to have aradia
TG: shes also really worrying about the future and i know thats her bag and all but it feels off
TC: ShE'S OfF KiLtEr
TG: something like that
TG: maybe im just worrying about nothing but obsession never leads to anything good and ive seen that first hand
TG: i really dont want her going the way ive seen
TG: you know
TC: YeAh, I KnOw. ObSeSsIoNs tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg cAnCeR Of tHe sOuL As oUr aNcEsToRs cAn gEt tHeIr aTtEsTiNg oN AbOuT.
TG: youre right but you shouldnt say it
TC: Do i lOoK AfRaId?
TG: i literally cannot see you
TC: PiCtUrE Me nOt lOoKiNg aFrAiD
TG: i think that takes the edge off of your metaphor but im going to bail out of this conversation before i make things worse for both of us
TC: YoU'D Do bEsT To bE LeSs fEaRsOmE ToO

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

You settle down to sleep and before you realise it you dip into dreaming.

Opening your eyes you see Bro leaning in the doorway looking outwards, his back to you.

"I don't want to hear whatever you have to say." you tell him.

He effectively communicates to you that he thinks that you're a weak little coward.

"No, just your opinions are trash. I told you that I'm not interested in anything you have to tell me." you say.

Bro's body language shifts and he nods at your respiteblock wall, the one you share with Sollux.

"You leave him out of this." you warn him.

Bro makes an obscene gesture that you don't care to look at or bother to interpret the meaning of, it's definitely sexual though, whatever it is. Instead you get up out of your bed and walk to the doorway where he is, you shoulder him out of your way and look out of your respiteblock. The room twists and turns like funhouse geometry and the ceiling above the main room splits open showing a dark and thunderous sky through it. You squint at the storm, at the deep and dark clouds that roll and boil overhead.

Bro's finger touches your ear and so you listen, you hear it. Distant carnival music.

"Warned you bro." you mumble.

The dream melts into something else without any fanfare at all, just brain nonsense as ideas and thoughts slide through your sleeping mind. Some song you've had stuck in your head, Sollux, swimming. Your alarm wakes you in the morning and out of sheer habit you roll over and get up before your tired thinksponge has time to protest. You throw on jeans and a tshirt, knowing that you'll have to change as soon as you get to where you have to go this morning. You know for a fact that your cold weather clothing bag is already packed up and ready to go so you leave your respite block to go brush your teeth.

Sollux and Hal are in the main room with Hal watching as Sollux takes stuff out of a box that was delivered overnight.

"Don't unpack the cold bag, it's a bitch to get back in and you need it today." you tell him as you pass, he was already peeking inside it.

"That seems like a lot of stuff in there. Do we really need all of that?" Sollux asks.

You walk into the ablutionblock but don't shut the door. Instead you pick up toothpaste and squeeze it onto your toothbrush.

"You really do. There's tech in there too like ice picks, carabinas with reinforced tablets and what have you there too, right?" you ask and start brushing your teeth.

"There's... stuff. There's lots of boxes." Sollux says back.

"This one's a tablet and that one- yeah, that's got ice pick whatever in it." Hal says and you hear the sound of things being taken out and put on the floor.

You guess it's good that your stuff is packed because Sollux's bag isn't anywhere near set up yet. When you're done brushing your teeth you come back out to find all of Sollux's new gear spread out over the floor. Hal sits on the sofa sipping coffee with the contented air of a guy who doesn't have to pick all of this up.

"What is all of this?" Sollux asks.

"Right, let's put this together." you say and kneel down.

First things first you grab a carabina and start looping things onto it that go on the outside of the bag for easy access. Flashlight, knife, compass. The compass itself will have to be attuned to Somnos when you get there, right now it's just reading 'ERR' on the screen, but it's useful. Well, it's useful to you, you doubt Sollux will be able to navigate for shit but you don't have the time to teach him that skill. You're going to be his guide, you need him to know how to fix everything. You show him the basic medical kit and briefly explain its parts then tuck it away in his bag, you have him get his tool kits and toss those in there as well, you tie the ice picks up for now and clip those outside the bag too, then you add in his ration kit, minus any food in it right now of course, and then his water flask which you do have him fill. Bit by bit you compile Sollux's bag and all this isn't taking into account the bag stuffed with his cold weather clothes.

"Alright, that's lighter than it'll be when we're on the planet but put that on and we can go. We'll get changed when we're there." you tell him, slapping him on the shoulder and walking back into your block to grab your own things.

"Holy shit!" Sollux says from the other room, followed by a grunt of effort.

You shoulder your own pack, then remember you've not filled up your flask and take it off to do that. Wandering back into the main room with your pack slung casually over one shoulder you can see Sollux clearly weighed down by his own pack.

"Won't it be heavier with food and things in it?" Hal asks, though he damn well knows the answer he's just being a little shit about it.

"Yes." you answer, screwing your flask closed and putting it back in your pack.

"Oh, how terrible. I'll be in IT today then, with my posture pole not trying to telescope down into itself." Hal smiles wickedly and sips his coffee.

"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you again." Sollux growls at him.

You roll your eyes and grab the last of your things. When you're ready you lead Sollux away from Hal before that can turn into a full spat of dramatic bickering that neither of them really means but will be a whole production nonetheless.

"Does this feel less heavy the more you wear it because it's pretty heavy right now." Sollux asks you.

"Well, it doesn't actually change how heavy it is because physics hates us. Actually the gravity on Somnos is a little higher so it will technically get heavier." you say thoughtfully.

"Great." Sollux grumbles.

"But you do get stronger and you're not going to have to have it on your back the whole time, only when you're on the move. If you're fixing stuff you'll just have it by your feet." you assure him.

"I guess when we're down there if it's too heavy I can just levitate it, I know I'm not doing that now because I'm trying to get stronger and everything but when I'm there then I can cheat as much as I like." Sollux says thoughtfully.

"Exactly. It's not cheating when you're there, but for now I'd say stick with it." you advise him.

You pass two people as you come out of your building. Most of the people who live in your hivestem know you by sight, even if they don't know your name they can tell your job from how you dress and your ID badge. As much as you dislike any heroism about the job there are those who think that you're brave adventurers or heroes. You don't like that, it's... you've never felt like a hero. That whole concept is pretty tainted for you, so you feel uncomfortable when these two total strangers give you and Sollux what they assume is some kind of salute.

"That is the first time that's happened to me, but I guess I've never had the stuff before." Sollux says in wonder.

"I'm sure it'll happen more when Porrim's people ship you your regular uniform that we didn't put a rush order on. You're not going to want to wear that stuff out and about on the ship, trust me." you tell him, gesturing to the bag of clothing.

"Is it that bad?" Sollux asks.

"It's not bad, you'd just overheat." you laugh.

You lead Sollux to the lower two decks of the ship, right near the stern out of the way of pretty much anything. You explain to Sollux that there's a lot of training that goes on back here, outside of the gym stuff. You have your standard firing ranges but more than that is the wargames area. The wargames department deals with all sorts of stuff. As well as passing a test on a firing range you also need to prove how well you can use your weapon in real situations where you're running or shooting from cover at a moving target. There are competitions held between teams and Jake always does insanely well, but then so does Jade when she's able to participate. You're taught tactical things, how to deal with pirates, how to stealthily get around and sneak up on people. You learn how to communicate, to follow orders and directions. You've given Sollux resources about how to read those signs but you just don't have enough time to teach him everything.

The coolest part about the wargames department is the simulation area. It's a giant room, about three stories high that can simulate weather and terrain of all kinds. You've seen the place be everything from a flooded ocean to a desert and the icy tundra that you know it'll be today. You can tell Sollux it'll be cold all you like but he's never left the ship before, he doesn't know cold and it's better that he learns it today instead of on Somnos the moment he gets there.

You're still relatively early and there's loads of space in the changing room that leads into the simulation area. You nab a quiet corner for you and Sollux and start getting ready.

"Right, let's take everything out first and then take everything off." you advise Sollux.

You both unpack your bags, things are fitted in there absurdly tightly and it's always such a pain getting things back in there but there is a knack to it. You have Sollux lay his things out like you're doing, leaving his bulky outerclothes still in the bag for now.

"Okay you've got underwear and undersuit, get everything off and put that on. I'll help you with the suit. It's a little fiddly the first time." you tell him.

"Wait, is that meant to stop being the case? It's not, stop lying to the man." Azdaja teases as he walks past you both.

"Shh. Don't scare him." you hiss and pull your shirt off.

"Uh." Sollux says blankly.

"Clothes off!" you remind him and quickly get naked.

It's not like it's just you, everyone is changing around you. It's something you barely notice anymore but clearly Sollux is a little thrown by people stripping off around him and seems a touch uneasy about it, like he's not sure where to look and so he's just very pointedly staring at his own clothes as he gets undressed.

"So these wildly unsexy boxers are all about keeping you warm and protecting you from any problems with the undersuit, which I will add never happens but no one likes the idea of their junk getting scorched so honestly I think it's just for our psychological protection." you tell Sollux as you slip into your winter underwear.

"Your commanding officer has told you before that you're not allowed to go commando, Dave." Jake chips in from across the way.

"I appreciate the input from the peanut gallery!" you shout back over your shoulder.

"Right, now what?" Sollux asks.

"So it's easiest if you sit down like this. The undersuit syncs with your outersuit to read the temperature and it heats you through these little channels here to keep you warm, obviously it's got a battery lifespan but it's days and days, plus it recharges with compression so just wearing it gives it some power back and you can charge it with solar chargers and everything so it's really not an issue. You slide your feet in and there's like... toe bits in it." you explain and slip your feet in the suit.

"That's... really odd." Sollux says as he follows you.

"You get used to it." you assure him.

"Then you have to pull this thing up to your waist and you'll have this feeling like, hey, no way this is big enough Porrim fucked me. But no! It's just really stretchy and you've got to go back and forth hiking it up everywhere, but you will get there!" you tell him.

The next couple of minutes are filled with the two of you shimmying into your suits, or rather a minute of you doing that and then longer of Sollux trying to do the same thing. As you're waiting for him you catch sight of Gamzee skulking into the changing room and going over to Jake's crew, you can almost see the black cloud over his head. Shit, you warned him. You told him, dawg.

"Okay I think that's as good as it's going to get." Sollux says and sure enough he has his black undersuit on up to the waist.

"Great, okay now for the next part. Slip your arms in and get your fingers all in the right holes, that's always easier than the toes at least. Now, here's the thing, this seals as one whole suit but you can't be getting naked every time you've gotta take a shit-" you begin.

"Definitely not how Porrim's manual describes this." Azdaja snorts.

"Dave should rewrite the manual." Konyyl snickers.

"AS I WAS SAYING. The suit when you put it on seals as a whole but it can unseal again at the waist because Porrim's a genius but you gotta steal it right the first time or it doesn't come apart right and you don't want to be fiddling with that when nature is calling. I've seen that go so wrong for some new guys let me tell you. So you'll see that the thing splits pretty low, right?" you ask and gesture to somewhere around your nuts which are in fact covered by definitely superfluous underwear.

Sollux is looking a little yellow, you're going to power through it. Awkwardness? What awkwardness? You're not awkward, you have no shame so you're not going to let Sollux give you any.

"It seams together pretty easily there so just press them together and you should feel the fabric knit together a bit." you explain.

Sollux copies you as you seam your suit together up to about your hips but as you expected he starts having difficulty there.

"Yeah, it's fiddly around here. If you take one half in your hand and pull it towards your other hip and- hey if you give me your other hand I'll literally handhold you through doing it. Once you've got the idea of what it feels like it gets easier." you assure him.

You take Sollux's hand in yours as he pulls his suit taut with the other. Together you drag your fingers up his body from his hips right up to his throat, you keep the pressure solid and deliberate as you go to get the material to seam itself together as it was always one thing.

"There, you got it." you say with a smile.

Sollux's eyes are locked on yours for a moment but then flicker away, clearly a touch embarrassed. Only once he looks away you see all the colour drain from his face. You don't need to look around but you do anyway, Aradia is there and already half naked as she gets ready to get into her suit.

"Hey, we've still got more to do." you tell him quietly, touching his jaw with just enough pressure to nudge him into looking back at you.

"Yeah. Right." he mumbles.

You get Sollux to put his thick winter boots, outer combat trousers and jacket on as well as the synthetic fur lined hat and the protective covers for his horns that go under it too.

"This seems like so much, I'm boiling here." Sollux huffs over the high collar of his jacket.

"It's not meant for in here. And trust me, you need that stuff on your horns. Horns can get frostbitten and come off at the kind of temperatures that Somnos can get at night." you warn him.

"What? No, you're fucking with me." Sollux gasps in horror.

"He's not. It probably won't happen because you're not likely to be running around for hours at night outside without protection but it can happen in theory." Azdaja says grimly.

Sollux looks a little like he might pass out at the thought of that. Thankfully he doesn't have much more time to think as Nepeta calls everyone through to the simulation room. You all huddle up near the door in your camouflage clothes. The doors open and unlike everyone else here your eyes immediately adjust to the sheer whiteness beyond. The lights overhead in the room simulate midday sun and on white snow it's eye searing. A wall of cold air rolls into your room and Sollux gasps and coughs in complete shock. Whether he wants to go in or not he has to because the press of the crowd around you both moves you all in.

Everyone fans out a little when you're through the door and you pull Sollux along by the elbow.

"Breathe slowly, tuck your face into your collar so the air is warmer. This is what the goggles are for as well by the way." you tell him and pluck them from the pocket he'd shoved them in and carefully settle them over his eyes.

"F-fuck, it's... it's s-so cold." Sollux says, his teeth chattering.

"Yeah man, the suit can heat your body but it doesn't do dick for the air. You get used to it. Can you see okay?" you ask, taking your hands from his goggles.

Sollux nods and tucks his face in his collar with a shudder.

"Cool." you say.

"Don't you... don't you need them too?" he asks and pulls his bag off of his back, scrambling for the wind breaking scarf that's in there. It won't do much for the cold but you'll let him learn that himself.

"Me? No. Cyborg, remember? As long as we're not in a snowstorm where my eyes are getting hit with snow or hail constantly then I don't really need to put goggles on, mine are clear since my eyes adjust to the brightness themselves. I can see great here." you say with a smile.

"Fuck off before I hit you with my ice pick." Sollux growls but it's the least threatning thing you've ever heard given the shiver that the tone has.

"Alright everyone, we're dealing with several mixes today so I need you to all pay attention so we know what we're doing. We've got basic winter survival training for those who haven't been to an ice world this cold before." Nepeta says and you nudge Sollux towards that group.

"You're not coming with me?" Sollux asks in an alarmed whisper.

"No man, I'll be with you everywhere on Somnos but I don't need basic training. I'm probably doing ice rescue and the vehicle refresher, maybe combat if Nep's feeling spicy today." you tell him and give him another nudge.

Sollux seems a little out of his depth but Jade waves at him, she's not been to an ice world in a super long time so she'll do the refresher. You know she'll look after him, not that he really needs it, it's just a little overwhelming to be in the deep end like this, you get that.

You spend a good while messing around with Jake in the snow, at this temperature it’s not the white fluffy stuff that you see in movies but it’s still fun for you. The trolls on your team aren’t nearly as enthused. Their species might be bigger on average than humans, some of them with bonkers mind powers and anyone cooler than olive is almost certainly stronger than humans too, but they’re not as good as humans in extreme temperatures. Between the fact that you’re a mammal and the undersuit you’re wearing you’re happy as anything out here, not something that can be said for trolls. The lowbloods are handling the cold better, their natural warmth giving them a similar boost to the humans.

It’s clear that not everyone is in a stellar mood. It takes a good while for you to spot him again but Gamzee is dragging a dark cloud around with him and you’re sure that the weather isn’t helping him any. You don’t actually lay eyes on him until the stealth mission. You never know when you might have to hunt for food, hide from predators or god forbid pirates.

Let’s be real, you’re playing high tech hide and seek here.

You catch sight of Gamzee stalking around the edge of a building in the distance, you feel his presence more than see him at first and you decide that the smart place to be is anywhere that Gamzee isn’t and so you sneak downhill away from him.

You catch Kuprum by himself, knocking him out of the exercise and slip away before anyone can figure out where you are. You settle into another hiding place in a hollowed out snow drift and wait. You keep your breathing shallow and silent, listening to the approaching footsteps. You perk up when you see that it’s Sollux, his eyes on his tablet as he tries and fails to navigate. You’re no more than six foot from him and he has no idea that you’re even there. Sollux turns around, looking right over you without ever seeing you as he tries to find his bearings.

Bro’s voice in the back of your head urges you to jump him, it’s his stupid logic. Sollux has to get better and you want that, so you need to show him, teach him to be hyper aware of his surroundings all the time just like Bro taught you. You’re not going to do that, it’s stupid and you don’t want to. The worst part of everything that Bro did to you is that, in a way, you did benefit from what he put you through. You have skills and abilities now that he forced you to have. You are what you are now because of him, him and your Mom both actually.

But you like Sollux, you really do. He’s a good person, you like his company and right now he’s in your care. You’re training him and teaching him to get him ready for this mission, he’s placed his trust in you and unlike your parents you don’t abuse people’s trust. Besides, it doesn’t matter that Sollux is blatantly unaware of his surroundings because you’re going to be there to look out for him. You won’t let your parents horrible teaching methods hurt anyone else, even if they’d say you owed them for your success now. The buck stops with you.

Now that’s an idea that’d get Bro’s back up, you can feel his silent rage just from you thinking it and the contrary part of you is totally fine with that.

You watch Sollux walk off and when he’s far enough away you slip away from your hiding spot and sneak back up the hill. There’s a loud yelp from off to your left and you’re reasonably sure that Gamzee just got someone. For a guy who’s a billion foot tall or whatever he’s unsettlingly stealthy and gets the drop on other people just fine.

With your ice axe you mount a roof and slide over the top of it, if your directions are right this is one the the rooftops that Jade set a sniper’s nest up in when this was desert terrain and picked off half a squad by herself. You sneak to the edge and only just catch the figure of Jake pressed against the edge of a snowdrift around the way.

With care you slither to the edge of the roof and then get your feet under you, with your aim secure you launch yourself at Jake, your hand slapping over his mouth before he can make a peep.

“Gotcha.” you whisper to him and slide your hand away.

“Damnit. I’d been doing so well, I took Aradia out earlier and about half of my own squad too.” Jake breathes in your ear, he’s nice to not blow your cover by being loud.

You give him a little shrug like ‘thems the breaks’ and scurry away being sure to confuse your trail with Jake’s. You pick off a few more people but the numbers are dwindling lower and lower. Either the exercise will be called off soon or it’s going to come down to you and Gamzee hunting each other down. You don’t especially want that but you also refuse to let him stalk you, that shit makes you jumpy and Gamzee is clearly leaking dark vibes like crazy at the moment. You’re not going to wait for him to pick you off so you go searching for him.

If you were to look for his footprints you’d find them lacking, just like you Gamzee knows how to conceal his path and how to be near impossible to track. You could look in the smart hiding places but he won’t be there either, if you know to look there it’s a bad place to hide. The thermal imaging on your eyes doesn’t have great range but you know better than to rely on that with Gamzee anyway. You lurk in a shadowy patch of darkness cast by an overhanging rooftop and instead feel out for him.

You’ve never been able to describe this particular thing that you can do and you’ve never much tried. Only two people that you know of get it, one of whom is Terezi and the other is Gamzee. Bro might have said that he could feel the same but you’ve never been inclined to talk to him more than you have to and shockingly it doesn’t come up anymore. The best way you can describe it is by stealing a metaphor people use for gravity. When they teach kids about gravity in school they ask you to imagine that you have a sheet of rubber and planets are weighted balls that you put on them, the dip in the rubber is like how a planet affects everything around it with gravity. Not a great metaphor but it gets the point across.

You can’t see Gamzee right now and you’ve spent more of your life basically blind than you have sighted, so not seeing someone isn’t new. But you can feel the dark and heavy weight of Gamzee as a concept as much as a person and you can feel the way he moves through space even though you can’t see him right now. You know he’s there in the same way that Terezi can snatch something out of the air when it’s thrown to her, she just knows where it is.

Sliding into a building you carefully lower yourself to the floor, this particular building shell is mostly buried so you’ve come in through a window and you’re above ground level. It’s insanely dark in here despite the brightness outside. You settle your weight carefully onto your feet and ignore the total darkness that your eyes are giving you and focus on what you can feel. Gamzee’s in here but not in the room that you’re in right now.

You slip your finger into your carabina and carefully slide your ice axe off of it, making sure to mute the click of the carabina’s bar with your finger. The ice axe is heavy in your hand and you shift it a little to get the balance of it just right. Carefully you walk through the room that you’re in, stepping over debris on the floor without touching any of it.

The next room is pitch black and you can feel Gamzee just standing in the middle of it in total silence, you can’t even hear him breathe. Silent as a ghost you climb onto the railing and pause, he’s not moving.

“I warned you.” you say after a moment, just under speaking level but it sounds so loud to your ears right now.

Gamzee growls and you can hear the sound of his hair being crushed by his hands, he’s holding his head or something. The room is impossibly black and there’s no way he can see either but he still knows exactly where you are as he throws himself at you. Everything your Bro taught you has you darting away, but everything Gamzee’s ancestor inflicted on him is making him chase you. It’d be funny how two dead men are having this fight as much as you if it wasn’t for the fact that Gamzee is clearly trying to punch you in the face right now. Bro and GHB can have their throwdown for all you care, you’d prefer your face remains how it is right now, thanks.

Gamzee swings for you so you kick him in the chest and slide between his legs in the darkness. For a few minutes it’s nothing more than the muted sounds of your scuffle, a knee here, an elbow there. You have your ice axe of course and it’s helpful for blocking Gamzee and parkouring out of danger but you’re not going to attack Gamzee with the thing.

Bro would, but not you.

Unfortunately Gamzee’s following his ancestor’s playbook a little closer than you are with Bro and after kneeing you in the gut he crashes to the floor with you. He snarls in your face, big and alien. You could keep fighting him but he’s on your team, you might not be friends but you don’t hate him. So you relax, even as Gamzee leans over you with his hands gripping your jacket.

You rest your hand on one of his wrists and it’s pretty evident how he’s shaking.

“It’s ok,” you tell him and then after a moment’s thought you add, “I think you split my lip.”

Licking your teeth you definitely taste a little blood which is annoying. Above you Gamzee relaxes and shudders.

“Sorry.” he mumbles, his monster bass tones not quite so intimidating now.

He blindly catches your face with a giant hand and leans in a little, his thumb touching your lip. It stings at one point when his thumb finds the split, not that it hurts all that much with the cold numbing it. Despite everything Gamzee’s brooding silence is weighing you down far more than his body on yours is, so you run your dumb mouth instead.

“Oh, Gamzee, I couldn’t possibly. What about Jade?” you gasp in faux falsetto, as if Gamzee was leaning in to kiss you instead of checking out how badly he busted your face off.

“Augh, fuck off.” Gamzee groans, recoiling from you.

“I know you can’t resist my hot bod-” you begin only to have a handful of snow pelted at your face.

You snicker at your own hilarious antics and the tension in the room eases completely, the balance between the two of you restored. You can make out the shape of him leaning against the wall now so you scoot over and sit next to him.

“Bad night, huh?” you say.

“I scared the shit out of Karkat, near drowned him in chucklevoodoos. Him and me both, actually.” Gamzee says with a shudder.

“Fuck man, I’m sorry.” you offer sympathetically.

“Karkat doesn’t deserve… he’s the best diamond, you know?” he sniffs.

You nod in the dark room, knowing that Gamzee will pick up on it.

It’s not like you’re friends, you’re not. As people you just don’t click. You don’t hate each other but you do work well together and there’s a mutual respect there. You’re on the same unofficial team and you rely on each other. But more than that you have a shared understanding of your mutually shitty circumstances. His ancestor and your scumbag father were both terrible authority figures in your lives. People you were supposed to take after, people who shaped you into who you are now, and even though they’re both dead because of their own crimes you still have the weight of their expectations on you. You and Gamzee get that about each other in a way no one else does. He’s not who you’d pick to share that connection with but he’s who you have. You’re not sure which of you had it worse. Bro was more purposeful in what he put you through, more deliberately targeted in how he fucked you up, whereas GHB didn’t care so much. Then again you never had to watch Bro literally murder one of your siblings with his bare hands, whereas Gamzee did have to go through that. So, you know, six of one half a dozen of the other or whatever the fuck.

“Let’s go.” you say instead of bringing any of that up.

You get to your feet along with Gamzee and the pair of you climb out of the building and out into the snow. The day starts to wind down and Nepeta says that you can go, you figure you’ll track Sollux down first. The last part of his beginner courses should be wrapping up about now. Sure enough you find him huddled together with a few of the others near dug out snow shelter.

“Hey, you all done?” you ask.

“Polypa needs to check it first.” Sollux says, muffled by his jacket from where he’s huddled up into it.

“Ohhh let me see.” you say and peek inside.

Sollux has constructed this amazingly well, the shelves for sleeping on are perfectly smooth and the well at the bottom for cold air is textbook, same with the ventilation hole at the top. It all looks computer rendered it’s so smooth.

“Hey you did a really great job, how long did this take you to dig?” you ask him, definitely impressed.

“I’d say ‘bout five minutes.” Sollux says and the air around him crackles red and blue.

Ohhh, he did it with psionics. Clever, no wonder it’s so smooth.

“That’s really smart, that way you don’t get cold from touching the snow. But I guess you also don’t warm up much from the work. Do your psionics make you warmer, actually?” you ask.

“Not really.” Sollux mumbles.

“Cold and tired?” you guess.

“How’re you so fine?” he asks.

“Sollux, please, I’m dating Jade you can’t just flirt with me like that.” you gasp.

He’d probably get a kick out of the fact that he’s the second person you’ve used that joke on today. As it is he just looks alarmed, then flustered and then tries to kick you in the knee. Sadly for him he’s cold and sluggish so he doesn’t get anywhere near kicking you.

“To answer your question, for one I have more experience at this so I’m more used to the cold. Secondly I have super mammal powers, I keep generating heat way easier than trolls. Even warmbloods just start to cool down and slow down eventually. You know back on Earth there were people, I can’t remember where from exactly but like somewhere Scandinavian, they’d get in saunas and get super hot and then roll around outside in snow when it was about this cold out.” you tell him.

“Your species is fucking crazy. I feel like I’m never going to be warm again.” Sollux grumbles.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you out of those clothes and get something warm in you and you’ll feel way better.” you assure him and then wonder what you’ll do for dinner.

There’s a pause between you, mostly filled with you thinking about food but Sollux clearly has his mind on other things.

“Dave, you’re with Jade, you can’t just flirt with me like that.” Sollux says, slow and sly like he’s just figured out a combination to some devastating video game attack.

To be fair it does double you in half with laughter so it was super effective.

“Hey, did you help him with this?” Polypa asks you suspiciously, you didn’t notice her what with nearly dying from laughter.

“No, for real he did it all himself with- oh god, with his psionics.” you wheeze, still laughing as you talk.

Polypa nods and steps inside to have a look around. She evidently deems it as good as you did and when she steps out she gives Sollux a nod and walks off.

“Did I… pass? What now?” Sollux asks.

“You passed, she can be quiet like that. Come on.” you say and lead him back out and to the changing area.

As you step through the doors your suit registers the change in temperature and turns the heat off. Across the room you see Gamzee pull his shirt over his head, just covering the forming bruise on his side from your scrap earlier. He catches your eye and nods, just once, and then goes back to what he was doing as if nothing happened.

You join Sollux back where your stuff is, he’s already got his boots off although he doesn’t seem sure what to do with them now, they’ve still got some snow on them and you can all but see the thought bubble above his head concluding that if he puts them back in the bag everything else will get wet.

“Hang ‘em on your bag on the way back.” you tell him and sit next to him to shuck your own boots off.

You tug off your outer clothes and give them a quick shake before folding them neatly away in your bag. Sollux has managed to get his outer layer of his combat trousers off but he’s struggling with his jacket zip a little, which you’re going to put down to numb fingers. Smoothly you unseam your suit and peel it off of your body with this kind of arch your back and ripple move that, though granted it looks a little like someone should be throwing ones at you for doing, does get your suit off faster than anything else.

Oh boy, Sollux is staring. You get ready to explain about how it’s actually helpful but that’s seemingly not what he’s going for.

“What happened to you?” he whispers and reaches for your side with his hand.

He comes short of touching you but when you look down you can see an angry red mark courtesy of Gamzee and when you look back at Sollux he’s staring at your split lip.

“Ah. It’s nothing. Tactical hide and seek-” you start.

“STEALTH TRAINING” several members of your crew shout at you in unison.

“It’s basically hide and seek but it really pisses them off when I call it that.” you whisper to Sollux conspiratorially.

“And you’d never annoy people for your own amusement.” Sollux deadpans.

“I know, right? I’m an angel. Anyway, it can get a little rough sometimes when you’re as hardcore and serious about winning as I am.” you say, your tone all bragging.

“You tripped over or something then.” Sollux concludes.

“I’m offended.” you say in a huff.

Sollux pauses as you peel the rest of your clothes off, his expression suddenly darkening. He gets changed the rest of the way without another word but you’re still the last two in the room by the time he’s done. Jade gave you a quick kiss goodbye on her way out since she had to reschedule her shift to make the training so now she just has time to shower, eat and then head to work.

You kneel down and help pack Sollux’s things, minus his boots, away in his bag.

“You lied.” Sollux says out of nowhere.

“Huh?” you say because you’re suddenly very lost.

“You let me think that was an accident, you led me into making up the lie or assuming shit myself and then left it there. That’s the way you lie, I can tell by now. Either tell me how you really got hurt or tell me you’re not going to tell me, don’t lie.” Sollux tells you in a hard tone.

“I…” you flounder, “I didn’t mean it, it’s not like it’s anything important.”

“You’re just habitually lying then?” Sollux asks.

“I guess. I didn’t think it mattered and…” you falter, it’s not like you’re used to thinking about being secretive.

The way Sollux is looking at you it’s like he thinks you’re a compulsive liar or something and you’re not, not really.

“Fine. It’s not a big deal. I was doing this hide and seek thing and it was down to me and Gamzee and he got me.” you say simply.

“Gamzee attacked you?!” Sollux is now very alarmed, see, this is why not telling people things is easier.

“Yeah but it’s no big deal. He’d had a bad night and you get into the whole stealth thing and you end up having a little brawl. It’s fine, it’s not a new thing and he wasn’t out of control or going for my blood or anything. It’s not like I didn’t leave him some bruises too. This shit happens and it’s not a problem and I guess I didn’t want you to worry or have to explain that Gamzee isn’t out for my blood or anything either, so I just glossed over it without really thinking.” you say.

“That sounds exhausting.” Sollux says finally.

“Fighting with Gamzee?” you ask.

“Filtering your life for everyone all the time, so much that you do it out of habit.” he corrects you.

His words throw you off balance so much that what comes out of your mouth next just bypasses every mental filter you have.

“I can’t remember what it was like not doing that, it’s been so long. So I don’t really know any different.” you say dumbly.

The expression on Sollux’s face isn’t one you can bear to look at for long, it’s like your words hurt him. Not because you said something awful to cause him pain but that you just described a part of your life and he hurts for you. Honestly you don’t know how to feel about that and you’d sooner not consider it.

“Come on, we should go. We’re gonna be real hungry after that and I’m sure you want a hot shower, so. Oh, here I’ll clip your boots on the back of your bag, just let me…” you busy yourself in distraction and avoid thinking about anything at all. You’re especially not thinking about the look Sollux had on, you’re not sure what you’d do if you had to think about that.

Chapter Text

A nice quiet evening in, you'd thought. It's getting closer to launch time so Gamzee has meetings that he has to go to and training, so you had the hive to yourself, so you'd thought. Maybe you could watch a chill movie, or put on one of the many films you've seen before and get your laundry put away. Instead there's just an agitated banging on your front door and when you open it you're not in the least bit surprised to find Sollux there.

"Gamzee's out at that thing, right?" Sollux says in lieu of anything like 'hello'.

"He's out, at the aforementioned 'thing' you speak of. Hi, by the way. So nice of you to call in advance and see if I have plans, so- oh, yeah just let yourself in." you huff as Sollux brushes past you into your hive.

"I need your help. On a few things, actually." Sollux announces.

"Do any of these problems that you need help with involve Dave, by any chance?" you ask as you follow him inside, letting the door shut behind you.

Sollux pauses at that and his face does a complicated expression that's a grimace of irritation and frustration but a clear bout of infatuated want there. So, yeah, the Dave problem persists.

"That's not really a problem I need help with. It's more that I've got complaints to lodge with the universe in general about him, I guess. I have to get changed with him, he's just getting completely naked as the day he was hatched-" Sollux starts.

"Born." you correct.

"Gross, but true. It's just he's attractive and it's not fair and he's nice to me and that's even less fair but there's nothing I can do about that so whatever." Sollux shrugs.

"Alright, what do you have a problem with then?" you ask him and usher him to sit on your loungeplank.

Sollux settles himself down and pulls his tablet out, so you join him.

"I talked to Aradia. She snuck in when I was getting ready to go swimming with Dave, I think he'd figured out that I wasn't totally ok with being right there with him and getting changed so he stepped out for a bit. I'd just got changed properly when Aradia bursts into the room and claps her hand over my mouth like she was going to trollnap me or something." Sollux tells you.

"Concerning, but you're clearly not abducted so I'm assuming she wasn't there to do that." you say.

"It's these deductive insights that keep me coming back to you for help." Sollux says flatly.

You elbow him sharply, though he ignores you and keeps talking.

"She was apologising for not talking to me since the breakup, she wanted to give me space. And she said she was sorry for dragging my bipolar out to try to stop me getting this job, she said she was just worried and I'm not sure that makes that better but she clearly didn't show up just to say sorry. She said that she couldn't stop me from doing this job now, but she refused to let 'them' lead me into it blind and she was going to help." Sollux says.

"Is this about Vikare?" you whisper, though there's nobody besides Sollux here to hear you.

"I don't think so. She gave me this drive with music on it, recordings and sheet music. She said I had to listen to it. Then Dave burst in, Aradia threw me out and the two of them had this big argument about it. Dave didn't take the drive away from me though and I think he was even trying to imply that it'd be sensible for me to listen to it." Sollux explains.

"So what was it?" you ask.

Sollux taps on his tablet screen a few times and then music starts to play. You don't recognise the song as such but you do know the genre, you've heard it before.

"Those are shanties, working songs. Gamzee sings them sometimes, it's the same sort of thing that funeral song was." you say.

"Yeah, they're all like that. There's some in languages I don't speak though, listen." Sollux says and taps at another one.

You listen carefully, that's German. Not a language you're proficient in but you know a smattering and you can speak enough related languages to get a vague hint of the song. It's basically another sea shanty.

"It's more of the same." you say after a bit.

"What's the point of these? Why did Aradia go to this much trouble to get me these? Why did Dave allow it? I've scoured the lyrics and the music here and I can't see anything hidden. There's obviously loads of references to the ocean but other than that I can't see anything." Sollux says despairingly.

"Do you know why we call them sailors?" you ask and he shakes his head.

"On Earth there were Astronauts and Cosmonauts, other kinds too but it's a compound word. Astro and Cosmo being words for space and stars and the naut suffix is about sailing. Sailors of the stars. I guess trolls never really thought to name it so when we translated the word we were just like 'sure, sailors, we'll call them that'. Sea shanties used to be a thing on the ocean but in the military too. They're songs with a really specific beat and commonly known lyrics so everyone could sing them or work to the same beat, so work that required coordination fell into a rhythm. It makes sense that the sailors these days use the same thing and I think it's an identity thing for them, I've heard Gamzee singing to himself before." you explain.

"Okay, that explains why they have these, but why was it so urgent that I get them? I'm sure Aradia wasn't terrified at the prospect of me not knowing the words in a group sing a long. I can't find any hidden messages anywhere, you look. She had to be trying to tell me something else." Sollux says and pushes the tablet into your hands.

"So, wait, you want... what? You want me to see if I can find hidden messages in this?" you ask him, gesturing to the tablet.

"Yes! We can't stop the mission and I have to go down there, I want to, but I need to know what's in this." he insists.

"What makes you think I can do anything with this?" you ask him, did you get a qualification in cryptography and forget about it or something?!

"It's- I don't know, music is a language, you do languages." Sollux says.

"That's not how any of this works. I don't know if I'm annoyed that you haven't paid attention to what languages I know or if I'm flattered that you think my knack for languages means that you can just hand me anything and assume I'll be able to understand it." you say in exasperation.

Sollux opens his mouth but you cut him off.

"Yes, I know, both. Look, if you send me these files I'll see if anything connects but they're just shanties as far as I can see. I don't know what meaning you're looking for there. But, sure, I'll try." you offer.

Sollux seems satisfied with your agreement and sets about sending you the files.

"So what else is bothering you?" you question him, wondering if this might be an Aradia thing since he said his Dave problem isn't really solvable.

"Um." Sollux hesitates, uncharacteristically nervous.

You lean forward in your best listening without judgement pose and wait for him to say whatever he has to say.

"I've got my test in a week. I've still got two weeks of training after that but it's... Dave said it's basically the test to see if I pass enough to get into pre-flight quarantine with them before launch. I have to be most if not all of the way there by the end of the week and I've been working as hard as I can on tech stuff and the physical stuff." Sollux explains.

"You've been spending a lot of time on all of this." you agree, you've hardly seen much of him at all.

"I even have a hint of abs now, look!" Sollux says eagerly.

He hops up onto his knees and lifts his shirt up to show you. You can't say you see any six pack kind of definition there but he's looking a lot less skinny and a lot healthier, that's for sure. Sollux leans over a little to look at himself and you can see him trying to flex a little. The whole thing is so earnest and vulnerable that your pumpbiscuit twinges to see him. He trusts you enough to be open with you like this and you have... feelings about that. As if you don't always have feelings for Sollux.

"I did this morning. Look, hold on." Sollux pulls his palmhusk out and taps at it for a moment before turning it to show you.

On the screen is a photo of Sollux in his pyjamas, taken as a mirror picture in his wardrobe. He's holding the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, his mouth pulled into a gleeful smile as he takes a picture of what you will admit is some actual definition there. If he wasn't so excited about it and clearly so thrilled in the photo then the staging would almost ping you as an unsolicited picture you'd get from some asshole trying to flirt. Goodness knows that you've seen enough of those in HR cases between people. But this is Sollux and he's actually taking care of himself for once and he's happy with the effect it's having on him.

You take his palmusk from his hands and look properly at the photo. When you look back up at him he's beaming.

It strikes you for just a moment that although Sollux's breakup was awful, that it hurt him deeply in ways that obviously haven't totally gone away, it might have been good for him. Scratch that, it's definitely been good for him. Since he's been training with Dave he's been the happiest you've seen him in a long time, you know it's nothing to do with his crush on Dave although that's a sign that he's healing. Instead you think he's actually getting involved in something new, he's challenging himself with new things and he's happier.

"That's amazing." you tell him quietly.

Sollux flashes you a smile and sits down again.

"So, I was going to ask. I mean... the test itself isn't confidential or anything and I'm actually a little nervous about it. Terrified maybe? I don't know, this isn't my usual stuff that I'm always the best at, I might actually fail this even though Dave says he thinks I'll pass. So, would you come with? If you're not working or-" Sollux says hesitantly but you don't let him get to the end of that.

"I'll be there. Just tell me when and where." you say.

Sollux throws his arms around you and you squeeze him tight. Naturally you both pretend that didn't happen the moment the hug breaks, but you're touched that he wanted to ask you to be there. That he'd feel safer with you there. You know something is fucked up with Vikare's death but you also believed Nepeta when she said that she knew what she was doing and you have to believe she wouldn't put everyone in danger like that. You have to trust that Sollux's suit, that the suits of everyone else including your moirail and your friends will be fine. Mostly you have to support Sollux in this.

"It's Friday morning at 11 at the sailor's gym." Sollux says.

"I'll be there. And, hey, since you're all going to be gone for a while afterwards, both in quarantine and off on some alien planet we should have a party first. I could rent a space out and we could all get together." you suggest.

"What if I fail the test?" Sollux asks quietly.

"I don't think you will, and in the one in a million chance that happens then you don't have to come if you don't want to." you say.

Sollux nods thoughtfully for a moment and then draws a deep breath in.

"You should invite Aradia." he says.

"You're sure?" you ask.

"Yeah. Yeah... we're friends and I'm not keeping everyone else from her." he nods.

“Well, okay then. I’ll arrange something and I’m sure you’ll do great on your test.” you say with a nod.

“Oh, about that. There’s another thing that I wanted your help with, since you have a way of doing things with words that ought to be illegal. I need to pick a name for my callsign and there’s specific conditions with it a-” he starts to explain.

“I know how that works, I helped Gamzee. You want me to help you pick your name though? That’s really personal.” you remind him.

Sollux gives you a look like you’re stupid, of course it’s personal and important. That’s WHY he asked you. At least that’s what his expression communicates to you at least.

“I have the list here, Jade hooked me up. The problem is that it’s got to be one word but that word can’t be anything you’d confuse with a description or instruction, so names of bits of the ship are out obviously but also anything that could sound like a direction. So even if I wanted to go with a two theme I couldn’t have two, or double, or half. But I also kind of want it to sound like a name.” Sollux explains.

You slide against his side and peer over the list of names that Sollux has open and critically look it over.

“I think there’s criteria that you want here, you want something meaningful, but you also want something that doesn’t sound embarrassingly tryhard or edgy teen’s first username, and you want something that sounds like a name. On top of meeting the criteria that you actually have to meet.” you say upfront.

“Dave said his name was Laika, which sounds like a name because it was, it’s to do with Earth space stuff so it’s meaningful and it doesn’t sound pretentious and embarrassing. Okay, I get this venn diagram that you’re making.” Sollux nods.

“So what were you thinking of going for?” you ask.

Sollux shifts slightly in his seat and sighs a little.

“I was trying to come at it from the meaningful angle I guess, things that are core to me or at least things that I like and have for a long time.” he tells you.

“As opposed to naming yourself after a dumb meme, which would put you pretty far into the cringey part of things, yeah.” you agree.

“Right. So anything around duality, maybe around psionics but given that my ancestor already made the gutsy move to have his title be THE Psionic I don’t think I want to touch that. Also when you consider this is space flight and being reduced to my psionics… it doesn’t sit so well, so unless it’s specific I’m probably avoiding that. I’d thought about maybe my whole vision twofold doom thing but first of all that’s a bit of a pretentious goth kind of vibe and secondly there’s a weirdly high number of supernatural or ghost themed names on here already.” Sollux tells you.

It’s a tricky thing to do. Just on an off chance you goregle ‘duality’ just to see what kind of related words you’ve going to get.

‘Dualism’ is interesting but it doesn’t sound like a name, or maybe it could be at a push. ‘Difference’ is definitely not a name.

“Are you just looking up synonyms?” Sollux asks, craning his neck to see your palmhusk.

“They’re not great so far.” you admit and let him see.

“Ah, yes, that’s me. Ambivalence. I both do and don’t care, definitely the attitude I want to portray in my new job where I’m trying to get the sailors to trust me so we can figure out what’s going on with Vikare as well as all the shit I’m supposed to do for the actual job. Really good.” he snorts.

“I did say they weren’t good!” you protest.

A little while passes as you continue looking up possible names, at your side Sollux is doing some scrolling of his own on his tablet but he seems a little fidgety. You’re wondering why when he finally speaks up, although given how quiet his voice is that might be something of a misnomer.

“I also thought… maybe whatever I pick might have something to do with Mituna.” Sollux says, his voice quiet and soft.

You open your mouth to say how sweet that’d be but you get the feeling that Sollux isn’t quite done talking, and if you interrupt him in this he might never say what he’s thinking.

“I don’t even know if he’s, you know, alive. But I think he’d think this is cool, not the planetary tech support thing but actually getting to see cool new places, being on a shuttle. I thought maybe if I could bring him with me somehow it’d be…” Sollux shrugs with one shoulder, the gesture a little helpless.

“I thought maybe like skate tricks but they either didn’t sound like names or just didn’t sound like me at all. I asked Dave though, not about the name, but about bringing something and he said we’re allowed to bring personal effects. They’ve got to be vetted so it’s not, like, yes this is my emotional support explosive I would like to keep it right near the life support. But do you remember that dumb plastic ring he won in the arcade at one point, the cryptography spinner ring? He had it all the time in school because he could mess with it without getting in trouble. I found it when I was moving, it was in my desk. Do you think I should take it with me and leave him out of the name? I could put it on a necklace or something because we have to wear gloves and it’s not exactly small. What do you think?” Sollux asks and finally looks at you.

You may or may not be silently crying a little, the sight of your tears seems to alarm Sollux a little but you push that aside and hug him tightly. You smush your face into his shoulder and sniffle for a moment as you try to get words together for him.

“I think that’d be really great. I think he’d love you taking his shit plastic ring with you the way humans take religious symbols, he’d think that was the funniest shit ever. It’s also really sweet of you to think of that.” you say with your voice watery.

“Are you really crying?” Sollux asks and weakly pats your back.

“No, shut up.” you sniff.

You pull back and rub at your face so there’s no evidence that you were crying at all. The perfect crime.

“I still can’t even believe you’re going.” you say thickly.

“Karkat, I can’t quit th-” Sollux starts.

“No, no, I know that you have to go and want to and everything. It’s just that we’ve never been that far apart before. When we were kids you lived two blocks away from me and crabdad, even when you got your place with Aradia and then with Dave and Hal you’ve still never lived more than twenty minutes or so from my hive. The idea of you being so far away is weird. Normally when Gamzee and Aradia went off we’d spend loads of time together. I’m really going to miss you.” you admit softly.

Well, now Sollux looks like he might cry too.

“It… it won’t be that long. And when I come back I can tell you everything and you make fun of me for all of the stupid stuff I’ll probably do.” Sollux offers with a slightly watery smile.

“I’m sure you’ll have plenty to tell me.” you agree and lean against his side.

Sollux goes back to looking at name ideas on his palmhusk and curiously you flick through the files Aradia gave him on his tablet. You really don’t understand what significance they would have. It would make sense for her to say it was an important thing for the job culture and she didn’t want him left out, but she wouldn’t have to sneak behind Dave’s back to do that, they wouldn’t argue over that and Dave wouldn’t hint at it’s importance. Sollux is right, there has to be something else there. You’ll be damned if you can think about what it is though.

“What about a pun?” Sollux asks, looking up from his palmhusk.

“You don’t get to change it I don’t think, so it’d better be funny forever.” you warn him as you scroll through the songs.

Sollux makes a thoughtful kind of sound and keeps looking. You go back to looking at the songs, the sheet music and the corresponding music files. If Aradia was hiding a message in there that’d be one thing but from what Sollux said it sounded like Dave immediately got whatever meaning was hidden here, so surely looking super deep into the lyrics of this won’t help because he didn’t have to do that. Right? So if the song themselves are the message then what’s the message?

“Dual.” Sollux says slowly, and then says it a second time.

“Just ‘dual’?” you ask him.

“No, d-u-a-l and d-u-e-l. I could do something with that. So it’s only a number pun for people who know me.” Sollux says, literally spelling it out for you.

“So you’d use the duel part and the number thing would be implied? Also, wow, that no longer seems like a word.” you say with a frown.

“Duelist!” Sollux gasps.

“It sounds like a name, or a title at least. It’s not try-hard cringy and it’s related to something about you. It passes the test. It’s also not something that’d be casually said over comms so it should pass their specifications for a callsign. I like it.” you say with a slow smile.

“Say it to me.” Sollux says.

“Duelist.” you say, like you would his regular name.

“Yeah… yeah that feels like it could be my name.” Sollux smiles.

“I’m happy I could help then. Are you going to submit it?” you ask as you lean against his side again.

Sollux nods and takes his tablet back off of you. You watch as he goes through the forms to submit his callsign for approval, it feels like another significant milestone one his journey and you’re honestly really proud of him.

The night before Sollux’s test you swallow your pride and head over to Nepeta’s place. You’ve not heard from her since the incident about Vikare’s suit. You know that you weren’t in the wrong, not in the sense that you were mistaken. You know she’s lying about what happened with Vikare and that the report she had sent off to Monoti was fake. But that said you’re pretty sure that you could have gone about things better, even if she didn’t leave you with much choice.

However human the concept might be you consider her as more than just an old friend, she’s family as far as you’re concerned. Which means that you need to make an effort to mend fences here before she goes off on the mission to Somnos. Surely the longer you leave it the more this will fester and you hate that. She’s not reached out to you so you need to go talk to her.

You ring the bell to Nepeta and Equius’ rather large hive, given her position in the sailors and Equius being a docterrorist they qualify for a decently roomy place. It’s nothing compared to the mansion sized place that someone of Equius’ hue could have afforded back on Alternia but by the finite size constraints of your ship it’s generous.

It’s Nepeta who answers the door and it hurts more than a little to see that she frowns at the sight of you.

“Karkat, I wasn’t expecting you.” she says stiffly.

“Nepeta, can… can I come in and talk? I wanted to apologise.” you ask hopefully.

Nepeta shuts her eyes and sighs for a moment, then steps aside to let you in. You walk inside and note that Equius is sat on one end of the L shaped loungeplank, his white coat is draped over one arm and though he glances up at you from his tablet you get the impression that he’s still working. He gives you a nod and goes back to his work.

“So, what did you come here to say?” Nepeta asks, standing there with her arms crossed. You haven’t sat down anywhere, been offered a drink or anything, you’re both just stood in the entryway by the shut front door.

“I wanted to say sorry. Things have felt bad since that day and I don’t like it, I don’t like the idea that you’re going to be off on another planet with this hanging over us. It doesn’t feel right, so I wanted to come here and fix things between us.” you tell her.

Nepeta sighs and her shoulders drop slightly.

“I don’t like it either, I don’t want to leave things this off between us but I really need to know that you mean that you’re sorry. You burst into a restricted area and I had to leave a really important meeting with Polypa to deal with you and then you threatened me? You don’t understand what you put at risk there, not just my reputation but people’s lives.” Nepeta says firmly.

“I only did all of that because I was worried about people’s lives. Monoti was getting shut down everywhere and so was I. Without any other information how was I or anyone in PPEE to know that the suits weren’t going to kill more people? Suits that you wear, my moirail wears, our friends wear.” you insist.

“Right, so, you’re not sorry. Karkat, I know what I’m doing. I’m not- I think you think that we’re all still thirteen, that I don’t know what I’m doing. But I do. I’m good at my job, sometimes accidents happen and I’m the one who has to shoulder that burden. I know what’s going on with the investigation into his death, with the reports, with everything. It was handled and you just burst in like you think you can just meddle in whatever you want because you know best.” Nepeta says harshly and you actually step back a little from her words.

“That’s not true at all! Monoti came to me for help, I was doing my job.” you protest.

“No, you weren’t. You overstepped because you just have to get involved in problems and solve them. You still act like you did as a kid, trying to get in the middle of everyone’s problems so you could distract yourself from your own. It’s one thing when you do that with people but with this? No. There are consequences to you trying to fix things, Karkat.” she argues back.

“I- what exactly do you think I’m trying to distract myself from? Because it’s certainly not the fact that the report you finally sent to Monoti was total shit.” you snap at her.

“Alright,” Equius says, standing up and putting his tablet aside, “I think things are getting a little too heated here. Nepeta has a lot of work at the moment and this is clearly not productive. Karkat I think you should go and reconsider your apology for another time because this is not so much an apology and more you defending how you think you were justified which is not helpful to either of you.”

“Oh, no, no. Nepeta clearly has something to say, so say it. If she thinks I’m acting like a dumb teenager then I want to hear why.” you hiss and glare at Nepeta.

“I don’t know, Karkat. Maybe you should look at your pathological need to help people and fix other people’s problems especially if they’re relationship problems. Maybe you should wonder why you have this dissatisfaction that you clearly redirect into everyone else. Maybe you’d rather try to screw up my professional life than deal with your personal life.” Nepeta growls at you.

“So, Gamzee. This is a dig at Gamzee.” you snap, she’s tried to tell you about how her moirallegiance works compared to yours but you’ve refused to bite because you don’t need help.

“I didn’t say that but clearly you already know the problem you’re avoiding.” Nepeta replies.

“ENOUGH.” Equius’ voice is loud now and he towers over you both with a dark expression on his face.

“This conversation is not productive and you’re both going to end up saying things that you will regret and they will be hard to take back. Nepeta, please stop. Karkat, I think you should leave. Perhaps when Nepeta returns from her mission everyone will be a little calmer.” Equius says.

You and Nepeta are both seething but you have to admit that Equius at least has some kind of point here.

“Fine.” you say through gritted teeth and see yourself out.

There may as well be an actual thundercloud over your head as you storm home. You can’t believe that Nepeta would say that to you! You know that by personal problems she means Gamzee because everyone has their opinions about you and Gamzee. You know that, you’re not stupid! But you thought that you’d got it through to everyone when you were younger that you’re not interested in unsolicited advice about whether you should be with Gamzee or not!

It’s not like with Sollux where he’ll offer you his opinion on something that Gamzee has done or said that’s relevant to what you’re talking about. You’re not saying that Gamzee is beyond criticism but you’re not interested in people telling you what to do with your own romantic life! They don’t know your situation and they don’t get to comment! As for Nepeta bringing Gamzee into things in what was clearly an obvious way to hurt you… that’s- that’s just too far out of line!

Sure, your relationship isn’t perfect. YOU aren’t perfect. You could be a better moirail, a better friend, a better person in general but you try. Goodness knows that Gamzee isn’t perfect but he puts up with your flaws and he’s supportive. When you weren’t sure whether to go into HR like Kankri wanted or to pursue your degree he sat and listened to you as you agonised over the options. He wasn’t flustered like you were or insisting that it was the most vitally important thing ever like Kankri, he just told you that he was cool with whatever you chose. Him being so calm and unbothered most of the time is probably something you need to balance you out.

And even IF that wasn’t the case how DARE Nepeta try to imply that she knew better?! How-

You stop abruptly outside of your front door, staring up at the light in the hall above you. It’s glowing eye searingly bright, alternating between normal light and impossible brightness. It’s… just malfunctioning, surely. Even so a shudder runs through you and it’s only because you’ve stopped that you catch a voice that doesn’t belong coming from behind your front door.

“-I mean it’s fine, I get it you can’t put him and ‘radia together. I’ll take Fozzer.” that’s Dave.

You lean a little closer to the door.

“It’s your problem when he sees it.” Gamzee replies.

“Okay, it’s still ‘if’ not ‘when’. And-” Dave falters and you catch him shifting from Alternian to something else, his voice is muted through the door but you’re pretty sure that he’s speaking Spanish now.

Gamzee doesn’t speak Spanish. What’s going on? Who else is in there?

You hear footsteps and in a panicked rush decide to open the door before Gamzee can, maybe you look less guilty that way. When the door slides open though you can only see Dave and Gamzee.

“Hey, Karkat.” Dave says casually.

“Hi? Did I interrupt something?” you ask uncertainly.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, me and Gamzee have fallen in love. It’s me, him and Jade together. We’re going to elope and- nope, no, can’t do that. I just pictured you and Jade boning and I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.” Dave directs that last part at Gamzee.

Gamzee gives a vague shrug like he wouldn’t be averse to the idea, making Dave overdramatically recoil even more.

“Well, as fun as this has been, I gotta go. Sollux is freaking out about his test tomorrow so I’m going to go help him and then maybe bleach my thinksponge. Later.” Dave says and as he passes you on the way out he sticks his hand in your hair and scritches between your horns, you go to elbow him but of course he dodges you.

“You and Jade can call me anytime.” Gamzee calls out with a grin on his face and you hear Dave theatrically gagging just as your front door shuts behind him.

That was… something.

“Heh, sorry about that. We were dealing with last minute arrangements for the mission. You ok there? You’ve got your rage face on.” Gamzee asks and lumbers over to drape an arm around you.

Your seething indignation has been kind of undercut by the weirdness of finding Dave at your hive, talking to Gamzee alone. That whole thing was weird, how did Gamzee even know to open the door when- wait. Ugh, you hate it but maybe this is the kind of distracting yourself with other problems that Nepeta was talking about. You certainly don’t want to make her right so you stop thinking about all of that immediately.

“I went to go make peace with Nepeta.” you tell him instead.

“Guessing that went bad?” Gamzee asks and steers you to the loungeplank to sit with him.

“You can say that again.” you sigh, falling onto the loungeplank.

Gamzee seems to consider this for a moment as he folds himself up next to you on the cushions.

“Guessing that went bad?” he repeats himself.

“Funny.” you say flatly.

You shake your head and sigh, sliding down a little on the loungeplank.

“I’ll admit that I’m pretty sure I screwed the apology.” you say.

“How so?” Gamzee asks and reaches over to stroke through your hair, undoing any messing up caused by Dave.

“Because I’m not really sorry.” you admit with a hot flare of guilt up the back of your neck.

“Being sorry is kind of needed for an apology, or else it’s not much of an apology. Pretty sure you’ve told me that before.” Gamzee points out.

“I knooooow.” you whine and cover your face with your hands.

Yeah, no wonder this went badly.

“In my defence,” you start again, “I am sorry that I embarrassed her professionally, or if I caused her any problems there. That wasn’t my intention. I know her career is important to her, she’s good at what she does and well liked. She’s your boss and you’ve never had a bad word to say about her work, I know she’s good. I would never want to mess that up for her and if me going in there like I did upset things then I am sorry for that.”

“Did you tell her that?” your moirail asks you gently.

“Not as such, no. I’m also sorry that I kind of abused my connection with Disciple to even get in there, I’m pretty sure that reflects badly on her and that wasn’t my intention either.” you add.

Gamzee nods and waits for you to keep going.

“I guess the problem is that I’m not sorry about pushing about these suits and about what happened to Vikare. I know I’ve not really told you much about it because of confidentiality and you knew the guy so it seemed tactless. But everything to do with his death is some kind of cover up and no one had access to his suit. You wear the same suits, if there’s some flaw in them I can’t be expected to know that and just wave you off on your mission!” you say emphatically waving your arms as you talk.

Just as the energy takes you, the power of your righteous indignation, it fades and you’re left feeling hollow.

“I’m not sorry because I was right but I clearly fucked up the execution of it, and going there apologising for only some of it probably came off incredibly insincere and self serving.” you admit quietly.

“Your bloodpusher was in the right place, it always is.” Gamzee tells you and runs his hand over your back.

“I could have met her privately at her hive to figure this out instead of bursting in there like that. I didn’t think. It was a pretty nasty fight just now and I think I deserved a lot of it.” you say with regret building up inside you.

Gamzee sighs and pulls you back onto the loungeplank so you’re looking at him properly.

“Listen, even if there was some problem with how Vikare’s dying was dealt with it doesn’t mean there’s a problem with my suit. I’m fine, we check ‘em all the time. I’ll be fine out there, I’ve got Kurloz watching over me.” Gamzee says and pulls his sleeve up so you can see Kurloz’s memorial tattoo.

You’d never try to take Gamzee’s comfort away from him, he clearly has a sense of spiritual belief there and draws reassurance from the thought that Kurloz still exists somewhere and is watching over him. You don’t believe that one bit. You buy that there’s a brief lingering of the spirit when someone dies, enough to communicate with Sollux or for Aradia to see for a while, but these things fade away and there’s no ever after, heaven or dark carnival out there where the dead reside. It’s just not true. Kurloz isn’t watching over him and you’re not reassured one bit by that, even if he WAS you don’t think it’d reassure you at all.

Better to change the subject.

“Nepeta got in my face saying about how I always have to get involved in problems, that I meddle in things and people to distract myself from my own problems.” you say instead.

Gamzee’s face flickers through shock and then an expression that you really don’t like at all.

“Damn, she just went for you, huh?” Gamzee mutters.

“Oh, great. You think she’s right.” you huff.

“It’s not something sinister. You’re not like some who go out and cause problems ‘cause they’re bored or don’t want to think about their own stuff. Our little group is always having some kind of drama, you know everyone and when there isn’t you’ve got work. You want to help, I think it’s something of your ancestor in you.” Gamzee corrects you.

“There’s a difference between ‘I help because I can’t stand to see people I care about hurting’ and ‘I help because I need to be helpful’. Aradia didn’t want my help with her breakup because I’m obviously closer to Sollux so I asked Jade to look in on her. Now Aradia’s doing better and as far as I’ve heard Jade and Aradia have got closer from it. I helped. I can’t just stand by when I could help.” you argue.

Gamzee makes an uncertain noise in his throat and looks away from you.

“What?!” you demand.

“You could though.” he says.

“And just leave people to their problems when I can-” you start to rant but Gamzee raises a finger to pause that thought.

“What happens if you don’t help?” he asks.

“Then things go bad! Things go bad and people have to go through something awful with no help and they have to know that I could have helped and didn’t, they get abandoned!” you argue.

“And you’re the only one who would help? If not you nobody would? Aradia has other friends. She was always real friendly with Tav, she could have talked her feelings out with him. Or someone at work, or at her lab. Or she coulda grown and helped herself.” Gamzee points out.

“That’s not-” you falter.

What’re you trying to say here? That no one else would ever help so it always has to be you? Or… is it that you’re too empathetic to people’s pain and you have to step in because it hurts to see or do you think that you’re the only one qualified to do what’s best for people? You don’t think it’s the second, goodness knows you don’t have a high enough opinion of yourself for that.

You know what it’s like to hurt and to struggle and need help. You’ve been in that position and there have been times when either no one did help you or your problem was such that no one could. You hate the idea of anyone else feeling like that.

“You think I’m helping people for selfish reasons?” you ask.

“I think you help because you care and it’s nice to feel needed I guess. I like knowing that you need me. People need people.” Gamzee says and leans over to kiss your forehead.

A leaden feeling settles in your stomach, he basically just said yes, didn’t he? Gamzee stands up and stretches.

“I’m gonna shower and sleep, you coming?” he asks.

You shake your head mutely for a moment before answering out loud.

“I think I’m going to sit here and think for a while.” you say softly.

“Nepeta won’t hold things against you forever, she’s stressed and she knows you love her. You’ll both get past it, you always have.” Gazmee informs you sagely.

“Yeah, I hope so.” you nod, although it’s not really Nepeta herself weighing on your mind so much as what she’s told you.

Gamzee gives you a little nod and walks off to the ablutionblock, leaving you alone.

In Gamzee’s defence it’s not like all actions that you take have to be completely selfless, that might not even be possible most of the time. If you feel bad because someone is hurt and so you help them then, yes, you did it because you had empathy but you also relieved the feeling of discomfort that your empathy caused. You still benefit. It’d be stupid of you to demand that everything you do for other people is entirely selfless, that you can’t gain anything from it at all.

That’s not the part that’s really stuck under your skin. The part that’s really got to you is the bit you didn’t say to Gamzee, the part where Nepeta said you were helping people and ‘meddling’ in their lives to stop yourself from thinking about your own problems. Those problems specifically relating to Gamzee.

She said you were acting like you used to when you were thirteen, that you’re stuck that way instead of growing up like she has. The thing is, you know that at least when it comes to thirteen year old you that she’s right on the money. Your friend group was always a mess of drama and feelings and you swear most of your friends back then had their heads up their asses when it came to dealing with other people.

At that age you had loads of your own problems, most strongly was working out how your own dumb mutant attraction worked. You hated the introspection it took to work out what you wanted, how confusing your own feelings were. Other people’s problems were a breeze in comparison. Rose had feelings for Kanaya so you could help her talk it out and steer them to happiness together, June had inadvertently offended Tavros so you can go and smooth that mess out, Sollux blew up at basically anyone and you could go and shake some sense into him. You absolutely helped people because it also distracted you. Your internal senses detected that you had a problem so you solved a problem, just not yours. It soothes the pain of it for a while. Back at that age you couldn’t stand to be alone with your own thoughts for long, or else you’d end up in one of your many journals raging at yourself and your failures in a way that solved nothing. But if you were helpful that was better. Your friends couldn’t throw you and your awful mutant feelings out if they all liked you and you’d helped them all, right?

It’s cringeworthy to think back on but you’re pretty sure that everyone feels that way about things they did when they were thirteen. It’s the whole point of being that age, isn’t it?

If you’re still like that, and you know you still do fix people’s problems for them, does that mean you’re still hiding from your thoughts? That you’re still using it as a crutch so you don’t confront things inside of you?

You sit there with your thoughts, lulled somewhat by the background white noise of Gamzee’s shower. You know Nepeta was talking about Gamzee, she’s never thought he was good for you but you refuse to hear about it. It’s your life, your relationship, and most importantly your highly demanding and super weird quadrant problems. She wouldn’t get it. But it’s easy to dismiss that, isn’t it? It’s easy to say that no one else knows what they’re talking about and it’s different when it’s you, but if she thinks you’re avoiding things then you either have to take a long hard look at yourself or admit that you are being evasive.

You really hate other people being right so… so you have to look at yourself, at your life.

But where to start? Gamzee is the obvious starting place but even then he’s a huge topic. The most obvious problem in your relationship with Gamzee is the tension between him and Sollux. They can’t stand each other, Sollux thinks he’s the worst and awful for you but he respects that it’s your choice and he also doesn’t want to stop being your friend and if the price for that is being near Gamzee sometimes then so be it. Gamzee for his part understandably hates Sollux because the two of you have feelings for each other, of course he’d hate that. The amount of closeness you have with Sollux no doubt treads on his toes and you should be thankful that he’s as okay as he is about it.

It’s not like you’re cheating on him with Sollux, it’s not like that at all. But he is important to you and closer than anyone else, besides which you do get affected by how things are going in his life. It can’t be easy for Gamzee to hear about all of that, to see it and have to tolerate it. The reality is that you’re probably not that nice of a person to put them both through that.

Are you…

You look up as Gamzee leaves the ablutionblock.

“I’m going to sleep, you comin’ with? I know you’re set to worrying all night but you shouldn’t.” Gamzee says his hand resting on his hip where he has a towel around his waist.

“I’ll be there later. Just got to wrestle with my thoughts for a while.” you say with a weak smile.

“Make sure you win.” Gamzee says lightly and walks off.

You stare at the shut door for a moment and then let your gaze drop back to the loungeplank that you’re sat on. Sollux has seemed far happier the last few times you’ve seen him, his life changed when he and Aradia broke up and he’s doing new and different things. He seems happy.

Are you happy?

You want to say yes. Or rather you want to defend yourself. Sure, you’re not cartwheeling around with deranged glee every day. But, you’re an adult, not every day is going to be that. You have chores to do, you have irritating work weeks, you have just… stuff to do that’s not euphorically fun. It’s unreasonable to expect that. And, no, Gamzee isn’t perfect but neither are you. Sollux was right to break up with Aradia when it was clear that he wasn’t going to be happy, and sure you could be single like he is. Unlike you however he can date other people afterwards, you can’t.

Here’s the really ugly truth. As much as you do have feelings for Sollux and he has feelings for you, you don’t know if he could give up other quadrants for you. When you were younger you hadn’t worked yourself out enough to ask and in a (probably self serving and self sabotaging move) you’d encouraged him to pursue his attraction to Aradia. It took the whole matter off of the table as it were. It’s just so much to ask of someone and at the end the grand prize is, what, you? Great.

Let’s say you were a merciless bastard and you decided that everyone was right and Gamzee wasn’t good for you, that his flaws were too much. You don’t think that, even though he does have his flaws, you and he work. You keep him stable and act as a bandaid for his past hurt. But say that you did that, say you broke up with him. You could take a bit to settle yourself afterwards and actually pursue Sollux given what you know you need, and let’s say that he was interested enough to go for it.

Even assuming your utter heartlessness to do that, and him saying yes at all… you don’t know that you’d be enough for him. You don’t know that he wouldn’t catch feelings for someone else in some other quadrant, maybe he gets a pitch thing for one of the sailors he’s around now. He wouldn’t cheat on you, you’re sure of that, but he could easily grow to resent you denying him anyone else. And then what? You’d lose your best friend, the person you care about most of all.

You can’t do it. You can’t take that risk and you can’t put him through that either. Gamzee has been your one in a million shot of someone who just wants you and doesn’t resent you for it. It’s not so simple for you. It’s not like you’re blind to Gamzee’s problems. He’s got trauma from Kurloz’s death and his ancestor’s execution, he can be a little territorial at times, sometimes he gets far too angry at people and you have to fix his problems before they blow up and on the other hand sometimes he doesn’t see actual problems as being a big deal.

It’s not like you’re unhappy. You pity Gamzee for all of that and your feelings are genuine. But… you’re not entirely happy.

Maybe you do involve yourself in other people’s problems as a way of feeling better. Your problem doesn’t have a solution that you can see but helping a friend with heartbreak does, finding a friend somewhere to live has a solution. Is that so bad of you? To help people and feel better in the process?

That particular question keeps you awake. You can’t stop your mind racing over the hours, even when you try to go to bed you have to get up again because you’re just staring at the ceiling. When you get up you end up looking over the old chatlogs between you and Sollux from back then, all you want to do is reach back through time and throttle your past self. It’s a level of self loathing you’ve not sunk to for a while but you still have to go about your life the next day regardless, it’s not exactly fun. You won’t let it affect the going away party or Sollux’s test though, those things are more important than your problems.

Even as you go about your day your thoughts buzz around you like flies. You are simultaneously muted inside and also filled with far too many thoughts. Instinctively you want to reach out to Sollux to get his ideas about this, he’s always been pretty adept at calling you on your shit. That includes situations where the shit in question is you being awful to yourself for your mistakes. You can’t do that though, he has his test today and you simply cannot throw his focus off of it. Your problems have obviously been there for a good long while and they can stay there longer. There’s no way you’re taking this away from him.

So you stand there outside the gym as Sollux takes his test. Dave’s there with you, his eyes glued to his palmhusk where he’s reading the information that Sollux’s wrist monitor feeds to him. Polypa who was conducting the test had decided that Dave was just distracting Sollux, so both of you are waiting outside.

“Is he doing okay?” you ask him anxiously.

“His pulse is high so I guess he’s doing the endurance test, but his numbers are ok so far. Oh… he must have got off, his pulse is dropping.” Dave says that last part hurriedly and cranes his neck to see through the window in the door with no more luck than the first twenty times he’s tried.

“Should his pulse drop? Is that… good?” you ask uncertainly.

“Yeah, yeah, it means that he’s recovering from what he did. It’s the measure of how fit you are. A faster recovery is better. See, it’s going down.” Dave explains, showing you the screen.

The numbers are indeed dropping but beyond that it doesn’t mean much to you. You look up at Dave’s anxious expression and you find yourself curious, which is probably you redirecting your own problems but whatever.

“How come you’re so nervous? Sollux seemed to think you were pretty sure he’d pass.” you say curiously.

“I am. Mostly anyway. He tried really hard whenever we trained but it’s a lot to ask of someone and people get nervous and mess up in far lower pressure situations than this. Besides, he gave it everything he had so if he’s not able to pass that means that I’m the one who failed here. It’d mean that I was supposed to train him to pass and didn’t manage it, it’d be really shitty to let him down like that.” Dave says.

“He’s seemed a lot happier since-” you fall into sudden silence as the door opens and Polypa comes out with Sollux behind her.

“Centrifuge.” Polypa says without any further explanation and walks off.

Sollux is sweat drenched and yellow faced but he gives you a weak smile and hurries after Polypa.

“He passed. He passed the exercise part, she’s just testing his G force tolerance and psionics who can fly always pass that.” Dave whispers gleefully.

“Holy shit, let’s go.” you hiss at him and pull him along after Polypa and Sollux.

The centrifuge testing area or whatever it’s called is a giant circular room with a huge contraption in the middle, it looks almost like some fairground thing like you’ve seen in old movies. Sollux can’t even hide that he’s delighted that one side is blue and the other red and he’s unfortunately on the other side of a glass wall so you can’t give him shit about it. From the expression on Dave’s face you’re pretty sure he’s thinking the same thing.

“So, essentially how this works is it simulates the effects of various G forces. Things you get from entering or leaving atmosphere, that sort of stuff. Only since we can’t really screw with gravity inside the ship in a way that’d simulate it without breaking the ship, we do this.” Dave explains for you.

“Can you tell me what ‘this’ is exactly because it looks like it’s just going to spin him around really fast.” you ask dubiously as Sollux climbs into a pod.

You can see him getting strapped in and Polypa talking to him through the little monitor in the room that you’re in.

“Sort of, yeah. G forces basically affect how your blood is able to move around your body and how well you can cope with that. Like that trick they have you do in school when you’re little where you put water in a bucket and spin it around with your arm and the water never falls out. It’s like that only your blood is the water and you’re the bucket.” Dave explains.

There’s a pause for a moment.

“We’re gonna both pretend that I didn’t just say something that accidentally pornographic, yeah?” he asks hopefully.

“I’m feeling magnanimous since you’ve explaining things for me. You said psionics tend to pass this then?” you say moving on quickly.

“Right, yeah. So there’s a few schools of thought as to why that is, it’s just the ones that can fly that find it easier. Some people think it’s because their flight would produce pretty sharp G forces when they pull off sick stunts or whatever so they’re built for it, other people say that they’re psionically cheating and assisting their own blood flow. The only problem with that one is that they’re on psi-blockers when we do actual flight so they don’t accidentally burst the ship and kill everyone and they still do well even then. I think it’s more of a little of column a, a little of column b kind of thing. I think having psionics powerful enough to act on your own body probably does things that prepare you for all this, even if your psionics get turned off when we launch.” Dave tells you.

“Right, and the machine does what again?” you question since Dave only half answered and went off on a tangent. Because, you know, Dave.

“So it uses the same spinning thing I told you about to put force on him to move the blood in his body. It can cause nausea, problems with your vision and eventually if the force is enough the blood goes away from your thinksponge and that causes problems with being conscious.” Dave tells you.

You stare at him in dumb shock and then back at the machine that Sollux is now inside.

“You need blood in your thinksponge to LIVE. Couldn’t this kill him?” you ask in horror.

Dave gives a halfhearted shrug.

“Theoretically if you cranked it up to the very max that this thing does and left it like that then, yeah, but we don’t send people on missions where they’re going to be put through that kind of force so we don’t have tech or use tech in a way that’d do that. He’s going to be fine.” Dave assures you.

As Polypa settles into the controls you watch on nervously. You know she wouldn’t intend to kill him but the fact that it could in theory malfunction and do that unsettles you. Then again if she told Sollux that something was wrong he could probably psionically stop the machine or break out to save himself, but you’re still on edge anyway.

“Ready?” Polypa asks.

“Definitely.” Sollux replies back through the speaker.

You can see his face on the screen and if anything he seems excited. At the controls Polypa taps a few buttons and slides a slider along a screen partway. Beyond the booth the huge machinery hisses and starts to move, for several seconds it rotates at the kind of pace that if you were to follow it on foot would be a sprint although it’s clearly slow for the machine.

On the screen you see Sollux lean forward a little to see out of his pod but he sensibly settles back in place as the machine picks up speed.

“We’re getting to about the speed that gives you that feeling in your stomach, that kind of freefall lurch.” Dave explains in a whisper.

“Speeding up.” Polypa announces.

On the screen Sollux seems entirely unfussed even as the machine beyond the booth starts to blur from going so fast.

“Yeah, in non psionics this part can get a little hairy.” Dave says.

At least now the force of the machine has Sollux firmly in his chair, he at least looks like the machine is having some effect on him but it seems to be mild discomfort at best.

“Faster again, copy?” Polypa asks.

“Copy.” Sollux confirms.

“His pulse is barely above his normal, like he’s nervous but fine. On people without psionics the body freaks out at this point, especially when you’ve never done this before. It’s just not really doing anything to him.” Dave says and shows you his palmhusk to confirm.

You watch as the machine becomes impossibly fast without seeming to bother Sollux too much at all. Polypa finally slows it down and gets up to retrieve Sollux.

“She’s going to tell him if he passed or not when he gets back here and she can go over his results.” Dave whispers.

“But you think he did?” you check and he nods.

It still isn’t going to feel real until Polypa says it, so you wait with nerves jangling around in your ribcage. Honestly you think you might be more nervous than Sollux as you can see him smiling and laughing at Polypa as she gets him out of the pod.

Polypa brings him into the booth and takes him over to her screen. She starts to explain his results and what she’d expect to see for a baseline pass. It’s frustrating that you can’t see her screen but Sollux seems to be pleased as she goes along.

“So, this part is an easy pass but that’s not much surprise.” Polypa concludes.

“And the rest of it?” Sollux asks warily.

Polypa frowns and faces Sollux properly.

“You’re not a sailor. You have to do far more training for that and pass courses that you’ve not even made any move towards. If you want to become one you have far more tests to pass and far deeper training to undertake, you have no authority above anyone or anything except the machines you’re tasked to repair. You are 100% Strider’s responsibility and you will do whatever he says without question or hesitation and you are not to be anywhere without him or, if given his explicit permission, another sailor. Do you understand me?” Polypa asks Sollux seriously.

“No, of course. I don’t know anywhere near enough to do that, that’s years of study and this was just what I need for this. I’m there to fix things and do what I’m told. I’ve got no interest in playing explorer and forging off into the frozen wilderness on my own so I can get myself and other people killed. I understand completely.” Sollux says in a hurry.

Shutting up and doing what he’s told has never been Sollux’s strong suit, or yours for that matter so you can see that he really is taking this seriously if he’s happily agreeing to all of that.

“And I’ll expect you to keep any personal conflicts contained and ideally nonexistant. It’s my job to know about personal clashes like this and the current arrangement is that sailors Megido and Makara will be on a separate ship to you, but you may have to fix things remotely for them in the event that your counterpart is unavailable at the other site.” Polypa warns.

“I’ve got no problem with Aradia, there’s no bad blood there, I swear. And I’m more than capable of keeping my mouth shut around Gamzee.” Sollux swears.

He is reasonably good at that if he’s so inclined, usually he just holds his tongue for your sake.

“Well then,” Polypa nods, “on a provisional and limited basis, welcome to the crew and congratulations on passing your test Captor.”

Sollux’s face lights up and when Polypa offers her hand for him to shake he does so.

“Well then, I have other things to attend to. Strider, Captor, I shall see you when you report for quarantine.” Polypa nods at the both of them.

“Yes sir.” Dave nods, his position shifting into something more formal.

“Yes m- uh, sir. Yes sir.” Sollux stumbles over the words and his attempts to copy Dave’s posture aren’t really effective but it’s clear the intent is there.

Polypa gives you a disdainful look before she leaves, having been entirely professional with the other two. You suppose your behaviour before is something of a mark against you, shockingly breaking into top secret meetings and threatening people can do that for your reputation.

The door slides shut and there’s a beat before Sollux makes a gleeful, excited sound and throws himself at you and Dave both. Neither of you were really expecting it and it’s a little hard to have a three person hug, you kind of default to a weird triangle shape with you holding onto Dave as much as Sollux.

“I actually passed!” Sollux exclaims, almost bouncing with excitement.

“Congratulations, man. I knew you could do it, you worked so hard for this.” Dave says sincerely.

Sollux is a few inches taller than him, you’re shorter than both of them as both of them remind you of on occasion. But still, it means that you’re looking up at the two of them. With you three being this close you can see Dave and Sollux together, they look good together and you could buy the sincere affection on Dave’s face for something less platonic.

Of course, that’s a horrible thing to think. Dave’s with Jade and as far as you know the two of them don’t do quadrants or multiple partners. Even if they did, Sollux's affections seem primarily flushed. But, well, you’ve been where Sollux is. You’ve had feelings for Dave as well, you get it.

“Polypa laid it on pretty thick about everyone but the vending machine outranking you but you’ll be fine, for real.” Dave adds.

“Thanks. And thanks to both of you coming along for all of this, I was so worried I wasn’t going to pass.” Sollux says in a voice that has a slight tremble to it.

“Goddamn cholerbears couldn’t keep me away.” you tell him firmly.

“Not a lot of those on the ship.” Dave snorts so you kick him in the ankle a little.

“Ow, what the shit? I’m reporting you to- oh noooo that’s why you work in HR, so you can maim people at will.” Dave says as insincerely as possible.

“He’s playing the long game.” Sollux agrees.

Sollux knows you well enough to levitate himself off of the floor and lift his legs enough so you can’t easily kick him in the ankle too, and you do try it!

“You both suck and I hate you. That aside, the party tonight is going to be great, everyone can celebrate you passing the test and I can try to come to terms with how devastatingly alone I’m going to be when you’re off rolling around in the snow on the ice world down there.” you say.

“Ugh, I am not looking forward to the cold. I’m not rolling around in any snow, I promise.” Sollux says with a shudder.

“Ahh, you’ll be fine. You get used to it, really. Ask Aradia if you don’t believe me.” Dave swears.

“Yeah, I might. I think I want to talk to her more before we go. I don’t think avoiding each other is great anymore.” Sollux says, touching down on the floor again.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, like Polypa said you won’t be around her on the mission much, right? But if you want to clear the air with Aradia that’s very mature of you and I’m happy if you feel that you’re emotionally okay enough to do that.” you tell him.

“I think I’m okay enough for it. I think I’m always going to feel some kind of way when I see her but I don’t hate her for anything, it’s not like either of us were deliberately lying to each other. She didn’t do anything wrong, or if she did it was the same as me. So, we should be able to get past it.” Sollux says slowly.

“For sure. It was just a shitty situation and you can still care about each other even if you’re not like-” Dave says.

“AH. I can see where that sentence is going, let’s skip the weird accidental innuendo and you trying to backpedal out of it and only making it worse.” you cut in.

“Called out, rude.” Dave tuts.

“Is he wrong, though?” Sollux asks him teasingly.

“Hey, let’s not let whether Karkat is right or not detract away from my case.” Dave says.

“That definitely sounds like he was right!” Sollux laughs.

“One hundred percent. That was going to be a patented Strider innuendo and panicked escape that only digs in deeper.” you agree.

“I like how you’re just slandering my family too.” Dave sighs.

“I’d say that’s unfair to Rose but I do remember her trying to talk to Kanaya early on, Rose is as bad as the rest of you but she has better PR.” you say, you know full well Rose isn’t as polished as she’d like to pretend.

“Oh definitely.” Sollux nods.

“Hey, what happened to you doing whatever I said, huh?” Dave challenges Sollux, pointing a finger in his face.

“You haven’t technically told me not to make fun of you.” Sollux points out.

Dave purses his lips and narrows his eyes at Sollux, like he’s trying to decide if he’s annoyed at Sollux or impressed at his argument. You think it’s more the latter even if he’s trying to not let it show.

“Whatever. Anyway, don’t we have a party to prepare for? You got the room so I assume we have to go fill it with balloons, glitter, taffeta ruffles, cupcakes or whatever.” Dave says, clearly sarcastically.

“It’s a going away and congratulations party.” you point out.

“Not like that thing Rose had one year. What was it called again?” Sollux asks with a frown.

“Quinceañera.” you remind him.

“Hey and fuck you both that was a badass quinceañera and she was the only one who got one anyway so she had to go all out, besides Dad was trying to do the whole culture thing. Although if you ARE going that big at least don’t do glitter, I swear I was finding black glitter everywhere for weeks.” Dave grimaces at that part.

“I was thinking a little more low key than Rose’s super spooky quinceañera.” you sigh.

“Boo. Hiss.” Sollux says flatly.

“As much as I live for irritating Karkat, and as much as I’d love to see Sollux in a ballgown, I have to admit that party was so much work and I’m pretty averse to working hard when I don’t need to.” Dave points out and Sollux’s eyes widen a little at his words, even if he stifles that reaction pretty quickly.

“Hmm, I’m pretty against that too now that you put it that way. I’m sure you’ll still be training me like crazy after this anyway so I’m not burning off energy to make a party super fancy.” Sollux agrees.

“Fantastic, now that the idiot council has convened and made a ruling we can do the thing that was originally my plan to begin with. By which I mean you two doing whatever I say.” you tell them both.

“Sir, yes sir. Oh boy I sure love to follow whatever orders you say, sir.” Dave says as sarcastically as humanly possible, he even snaps a very overexaggerated salute with it too.

Sollux is quietly snickering at Dave’s faux recognition of your authority and Dave is still frozen in his dumb salute. Really, the only choice you have is to grab each of them by the shirt and physically drag them away with you.

The way things work on the A'tuin is that individually your hives aren't all that big, however people still need space. People have parties, get togethers, humans especially have gathering and shared meals prepared by someone there as a big part of their cultures. The best way to do this and still maximise space efficiency on your ship is to have event spaces. Anyone can book one, though of course everyone is allocated a certain amount of credit to event spaces which can be pooled together to 'pay' for it. That stops people hoarding the space and allows everyone to use it. People have big open spaces for weddings or dances of various kinds, some have kitchens and large dining areas for special meals and cooking occasions, but then there's others like the space that you've rented which are more like a very large lounge.

Your friends might individually be the type to dance but it's not really that kind of get together. You're looking more for music, celebratory food, decorations and people just catching up. More like the kind of house party event you'd seen in pre-apocalyptic Earth.

You've still made decisions about decorating the space, including a banner specifically congratulating Sollux for passing his test. Sollux raises an eyebrow at you when he opens the envelope with that in, still fresh from the print shop who made it for you.

"What were you going to do if I didn't pass?" Sollux asks, psionically unfurling the banner out to check that it's all spelt right and looks good.

"We had every faith in you." Dave tells him from across the room.

"You seemed pretty nervous though, KK." Sollux says with a look at you.

"Hi, you've met me, right? I worry about things, it's my thing. I knew you were capable of passing, if anything I was worried that me being there would somehow throw you off and you wouldn't pass which would be all my fault." you explain.

"Next time I want to worry about something I'm outsourcing it to you, Karkat. Clearly you're far more experienced at it than I am." Dave snorts and shoves an armchair across the floor.

"Fuck you, I'm an expert at worrying, my services don't come cheap." you shoot back.

Sollux rolls his eyes at you both and starts hanging the banners as you've directed. Meanwhile you fuss over the food that you ordered in. It's probably a little early to start putting things into bowls yet but you also want to be sure that you have enough snack bowls and that they're the optimal size for what they contain. You're setting bags of still sealed chips into bowls when Dave mooches over to try to steal some and you have to literally smack his hands away. Sollux leaves to go collect one of his gaming consoles so that people have something to play if they feel like being nerdy losers, which given your friend group is a pretty sure bet. For his part Dave gets some music going and decides to actually make this a decent mix of current music and not the weird shit he sometimes defaults to, though no doubt he's slipped a track or two of that in there for later. You weren't hatched yesterday after all, you know better.

The point is that when people start arriving everything is well set up and you're needlessly stressed over nothing. Aradia arrives relatively early and you watch curiously as Sollux goes off to meet her, the two of them drift off into a corner of the room to have a quiet talk.

"It's good to see they're ok." Dave says, pretty much voicing your thoughts from his place suddenly at your side. You've no idea how he got that close to you without you noticing but this is Dave and you assume he has the same stealth powers as Terezi as a given.

"Yeah. He seems happier lately, compared to how he was with her. Not that he was unhappy then but maybe it was all for the best." you say thoughtfully.

"I guess so." Dave shrugs and steals a chip from a bowl.

"You don't think so?" you ask.

"About him being happier? I didn't hang out with him a whole lot beforehand but he didn't seem tragically unhappy or anything, it's not like he's not still sarcastic and ornery now at times. He's still him. But he's definitely happier now than he was right after they broke up, not gonna argue with you there on that one. But I don't know about Aradia, that breakup wasn't totally mutual even if she agrees that they'd fallen out of pity. From what Jade's said she's been pretty roughed up by it. I mean I get that, I can't imagine how much that must hurt and like I said they'd already drifted apart some." Dave shrugs.

"True. I'm glad I could get Jade talking to her about this though, it seemed to help." you say.

"Oh, for sure. They're talking to each other all the time now." Dave agrees.

"Good." you nod.

You don't care if you meddling in people's lives might be partly self-centred, you've still helped here.

"Hopefully they'll both grow from this shitshow of an experience. Sollux wouldn't have done this if all that hadn't happened and if it's brought Aradia and Jade closer then all the better. The two of them talking like this now is a good sign that the really fuck awful parts of this are in the past." you say with a firm nod.

"If you say so." Dave shrugs.

"If you have something to say, then say it." you hiss at him, his noncommital attitude really rubbing you the wrong way when you're trying to have a shred of optimism here for fuck's sake.

Dave frowns at you and stands up fully, no longer leaning over the snack table and instead facing you properly.

"I'm not saying Sollux's isn't doing better and that Aradia's not getting something out of being Jade's bff or whatever, positive growth and all that. I'm just saying that getting a new job or a new friend doesn't undo the fact that you got your heart ripped out. Just because something's in the past doesn't mean it doesn't still fuck you up. If they're both getting over it then great, but it's still something that happened, you know? If Jade broke my heart it wouldn't unbreak afterwards even if I got good stuff afterwards. The past scars, man." Dave informs you, his voice quiet so that the others don't hear but clearly a touch annoyed.

Your mind flickers to Dave's past and you feel a little like you might have put your foot in your mouth a little here.

"I didn't mean to imply that it doesn't, or that everything happens for a reason because that's a load of shit." you tell him quickly.

"Good, because that drives me nuts. The 'everything happens for a reason' and 'there's a plan for everything' people just make me want to punch them in the throat. Like, hey, me punching you did happen for a reason! The reason being you're a dick! I didn't think you were going THAT far or anything. I'm just saying that... I don't know. I think if I was Sollux or Aradia that I don't think I'd feel great about... I don't know, being thankful that something shitty happened because it all turned out alright afterwards." Dave sighs, clearly irritated about people he's spoken to goodness knows how many years ago.

"Yeah, that's fair. I'm just happy he's doing better. I love both of them, you know? Sometimes people break up and whole friend groups split, 'oh, you're more his friend than mine so I'm not going to talk to you anymore' I'd hate for that to happen. I care about both of them. It's not like I'm on Sollux's side over..." you trail off as across the room Sollux hugs Aradia. It seems a little awkward but still heartfelt, good for them.

"Yeah, I get you." Dave nods.

Dave jolts suddenly and turns around in a blur of motion.

"Aw, damnit. One day I'll get you." June laughs brightly.

"You're literally the only person that doesn't get punched for trying that, you asshole." Dave says but he's grinning despite his words.

"Because you love me. Because I'm your favourite sister, right? I'm definitely not recording this for blackmail purposes or anything." June says sneakily.

"IDK, that seems preeeeeeetty suspect to me. Is this a prank? If it's a prank you have to tell me, that's prank law right there." Dave warns her.

"I refuse to discuss prank law without my legal counsel with me." June says.

"Your legal counsel is entirely biased on account of you two doing the nasty on the regular, no do not give me details I will put this whole bowl of guac on your head don't try me." Dave hurries that last part out as June's grin gets wider and wider.

"I'll tell you all about it when you least expect it." she snickers.

"Boy, I'm so excited to be not on this ship soon and hundreds of thousands of miles away from you. For no particular reason, definitely not related to you sending me godawful messages about Terezi's bulge." Dave says with a grimace.

"Not to interrupt this thrilling conversation about my friend's bulge but, hi, June." you cut in.

"Hi Karkat! Speaking of Terezi-" June starts.

"NOT LISTENING, LEAVING NOW. LA LA LA!" Dave yells, his hands over his ears as he hurriedly backs away.

June watches him go with a catlike smile before turning her attention on you.

"You were saying?" you prompt her.

"Right, she said she'd probably be here in about forty or so." she says, entirely unsalaciously. Poor Dave got played.

"That's great. How's your dad doing? The wedding was really amazing but I'm sure it was so much work, he must be enjoying not having to plan a wedding anymore, right?" you ask.

"You'd think so, but he really seemed to enjoy all of the organising. I think Jane got all of that... pro-organising, love spreadsheets and timetables DNA. Bluh. I'm sure he'd love to do it again if you ask me. I think he's secretly hoping that Jade and Dave will get hitched so he can, but I doubt it." June says, wrinkling her nose at the idea.

"Oh?" you ask curiously.

"They don't even live together. I'm pretty sure that Dave is, like, glacially slow with that junk. He's got a better bet with Rose and Kanaya but, you know, trolls and weddings." she says with a shrug.

It's true that weddings aren't really a troll custom at all and even if inter-species marriages happen they often don't involve a wedding ceremony like you saw with Jake and Dirk. It's just culturally not a thing for trolls, although you suspect that if any troll would happily do it you think that Kanaya would be excited to. The chance for fancy outfits, getting everything into colour schemes, organising? Yeah, that'd be a Kanaya thing. If anything Rose could be the spanner in the works there, she made her quinceañera super gothic and dramatic. Following human traditions as expected isn't exactly Rose's thing, she might not want a wedding at all if she even does decide to marry Kanaya.

"I think I'd like to go to more weddings, I can empathise with your dad here." you say thoughtfully.

"Of course you would, you're a sap. I saw you crying at Dirk's!" June laughs loudly.

"It was EMOTIONAL!" you protest, but she's laughing anyway.

For your own sanity you bail on talking to June and say hi to several of your other friends who have arrived, and to your delight you get to see Gamzee before too long! There’s enough other people there by then that you feel totally comfortable to come up and give your moirail a hug without it being a weirdly public display of affection.

“Hey, I’m so happy you could make it.” you say softly, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck.

“You asked, and I heard there were snacks.” Gamzee chuckles and squeezes you tightly for a moment.

“There are definitely snacks. We were going to order pizzas a little later too, from that place you like.” you tell him and watch his eyes light up.

“Oh damn, it’s my lucky day. And you managed to get Aradia here too even with Sollux being here, miracles just don’t stop, huh?” Gamzee notes, nodding his head over to the corner of the room where Terezi and Aradia are chatting away with Dave.

“Yeah, Sollux passed his test as well.” you say.

“I figured, what with the banner.” Gamzee points out.

“That’d be a shitty thing to leave up if he’d failed. I don’t know what I’m going to do with all of you gone for so long. Nepeta, Aradia, Jade, Dave, Sollux, and you? That’s like half my friends easily. When you come back I’ll be knitting a sweater with hoofbeasts on it to stay sane, only the joke is that by that point sanity is long gone in the distance.” you say.

“What about June?” Gamzee reminds you.

“I know, it’s just I always feel bad taking up June’s time. She’s got all of her biology course load and all of the performing stuff she does as well, she’s so busy.” you sigh.

You’re not as good at keeping up with June as you should be, to your mind she’s one of those people who seems to be naturally good at everything. She’s a fucking classical pianist and then she’s studying for her PHD in biology, specifically on how the human genome remembers things from previous generations. It’s called epigenetics or something but June described it to you once as ‘you know, like ghost DNA’ and you think that sentence gave you thinksponge damage.

If you’re totally honest you’ve always been a little bit jealous of June for how good she is at things, there’s still definitely a part of you that’s still stood in the playground in your first year of school absolutely livid that everyone likes June and not you. She didn’t even have the decency to be a jerk to you about it, even though she’ll absolutely push you back if you were too antagonistic to her. Maybe in part you sometimes find it hard to meet up with June because you can’t imagine that she’d want to see you, which you’re sure isn’t true but it’s still in your head somewhere.

“C’mon.” Gamzee says, reaching around you so his hand is settled between your shoulderblades.

Gamzee steers you over towards June, Rose and Jade who’re clustered together talking casually. All three of them look around as you approach, or rather as Gamzee steers you over there.

“Hey.” Gamzee draws the word out lazily.

“Hi Gamzee.” Jade says cheerfully.

“Getting excited about being shot at a planet again soon?” June asks.

“Oh, you know, it’s all part of the job. But I’ve got good company for this time so it ain’t too bad, right?” Gamzee says, flashing Jade a smile.

“We’re going on the same ship headed to the same site, along with Aradia.” Jade explains.

“That’s fully finalised then? The last time you told me about it things were still up in the air.” you say in surprise, looking up at Gamzee.

“Yeah, it’s all sorted now. Dave gets Nepeta and Sollux.” Gamzee explains.

Oh, you wonder if that was what Dave had been around your place for, he might have been relaying that information to Gamzee. Kind of odd to do that in person when a message would have sufficed but maybe they were on their way back from somewhere, you didn’t really ask. You had a lot of other things on your mind.

“Wait, doesn’t that mean that you and Dave are going to be hundreds of miles apart?” Rose asks Jade with surprise clear on her face.

“Shit, yeah, isn’t your whole ten year anniversary coming up?” June asks.

“It’s going to be while we’re down there, yeah. The timing’s kind of unfortunate but it’s… you know, time’s an arbitrary thing when it comes to milestones. It’s a lot less flexible when it comes to when the launch window is and everything like that. It’s fine though.” Jade assures you all.

“That sucks though, I’m sorry.” you say but Jade waves you off.

“It’s fine, I’ll be with Jake and I’ve been spending loads of time hanging out with Aradia and we’ll be working together so it’ll be great. And you too, Gamzee!” Jade says.

“You know, if you get all lonely we can all hang out like a slumber party or something. We can… I don’t know… braid each other’s hair or some shit.” Gamzee says thoughtfully.

“Jade, Jade I have a burning desire to see that. Braid Gamzee’s hair at a sleepover and send me pictures.” June says in a stage whisper, making Jade laugh.

“I think I’d also be interested in seeing that.” Rose chuckles.

“You joke but we’re only allowed to take so much stuff with us, people get bored. It might just come to that!” Jade laughs.

“You want that too Karkat? Want me to come back all pretty?” Gamzee asks you.

“It’d make a change.” you say meanly, only to shriek when Gamzee tries to tickle you out of revenge.

From across the room you just catch Dave yelling a demand to know how you can be so loud but you’re too busy escaping to tell him to fuck off.

The party progresses and you feel pretty pleased at how well it’s all going. Everyone is getting on and there’s a nice mix of stuff to do and also space to talk, the groups switch around organically of their own accord and you spend time talking to pretty much everyone. The nice thing about the rented event spaces is that it’s all self contained, so you’re able to go to an ablutionblock that’s part of the same space without having to leave and find a public one.

You’re just washing your hands when voices catch your attention.

“What’s wrong?” Aradia asks, her voice weirdly clear for you being in the next room.

For a second you think that she’s talking to you, but you’ve not been in here long enough for anyone to reasonably think that you’re unwell or anything. Only then someone else replies.

“Nothing, really.” Jade says back, her tone bright.

“It feels like you’ve got something on your mind, is it just the mission? We’ve been on expeditions together before so you shouldn’t be nervous.” Aradia points out.

Looking around you see that there’s a vent in the corner of the room, the two of them must be right under it so it funnels their words straight to you. Your hands are still dripping wet so you search for the towel to dry them off.

“It’s not that I’m not scared or anything. It’s just… I don’t know, seeing you here with Sollux… I’m surprised you’re okay with that. I’d thought that breaking up a relationship that was so long running would mean that you’d never be able to be around each other properly again.” Jade says, and you’d been worried about that too.

“It’s- I’d be lying if I said it was completely easy, there’s a lot of old habits that I’m catching myself before I do them. Not touching him so much or… I don’t know. It’s hard to put into words. But like I said before, even though he broke up with me it’s not like he was wrong. It wasn’t the right relationship for either of us and I want him to be happy. He was right for me once but that changed, it happens. It doesn’t mean I have to lose him as a friend too.” Aradia says.

Her words sound emotional, like it took a lot for her to realise that but you think she’s right. You’re just glad that they are still able to be friends, you care about them both.

“I always used to think about breakups as this awful thing, you dumped someone because they hurt you or they’re shitty. I’m not dumb I know there are other reasons but those were the only ones I could picture if that makes sense. Like I thought that if you had a problem but it wasn’t as bad as all that then you should talk and fix things, you know?” Jade says.

“That’s not something you should rule out, but-” Aradia says.

“But talking to you about everything with Sollux has just made me see that sometimes there are problems in a relationship and it’s no one’s fault and you don’t want to hurt someone or anything like that but it’s not a thing that can be fixed. Or it’s just that you’ve become different people or grown apart and-” Jade interrupts Aradia, talking in a rush.

“Jade, breathe. What are you… you’re talking about Dave. About you and Dave.” Aradia says quietly.

“I. I love him, so much. I will always love him but he’s happy with how things are and I can’t- I don’t think I can stay like this. Or, no, what’s worse is I can stay like this. This isn’t what I want and it’s not who we both are now but it’d be so easy to not see that and just stay how we are right now and never change, just like you and Sollux and humans don’t live forever and the future isn’t- that’s not the future I want.” Jade says, her tone hushed and desperate.

“Jade are… are you sure?” Aradia asks softly.

“I think so. The stupid thing is that I probably wouldn’t have realised this if I hadn’t talked to you about Sollux after you broke up. Oh, no, I didn’t mean- it’s not your fault or anything, you didn’t make me talk to you! I just… I mean I can’t tell him now, we’ve got the mission. But we’re going to have been together for ten years and I can’t stay much more than that it’s-” Jade trails off.

“No, I… I get it. I’m really sorry though.” Aradia says quietly.

“Shit, I shouldn’t look sad or people will ask why! Let’s… let’s go get pizza. Okay?” Jade says, brightening suddenly in a way that sounds fake to your ears.

You stand there with your hands still dripping water and stare at yourself in the mirror. So much for your meddling always being for the better. If you’d not steered Jade towards Aradia this might not have happened. Oh god, Dave was just telling you how much losing Jade would destroy him and you’ve been the agent of that destruction without him even knowing about it yet.

This is all your fault.

You nudged Jade into talking to Aradia because you needed to fix things. You told yourself that it didn’t matter if you had self serving motivations influencing your desire to help people, because you still cared about them and you helping them fix things for them and made you feel better. Only you haven’t fixed things at all. Sollux recovered just from living with his friends and Aradia would have been fine and probably, like Gamzee said, would have leant on her friends of her own accord.

But no, you had to get involved. You had to fuss at Aradia until she snapped at you and when that wasn’t good enough you sent Jade to help. But now, now Jade’s discovered that she doesn’t want to be with Dave anymore and it’s all because she’s been talking to Aradia about Sollux because YOU ASKED HER TO. Oh shit, Dave agreed to have Sollux move in to help him out and do you a favour and this is how you repay him? They’ve been together for almost ten years, ACTUALLY ten during this mission they’re going on. You know, the one that Jade’s probably going to break up with him after.

What the hell have you done?

Chapter Text

The mission is going to take a while and you’ve been through enough that you know what you’ll miss when you’re out there. The A’tuin and her crew tries to provide its sailors with everything that they could possibly need, but sometimes a man has needs that you have been informed are not actually needs. For example you need to get your ass to your local bakery and sit there with freshly made croissants and gourmet hot chocolate just so you can eat it in peace and occasionally dip some of the pastry in the hot chocolate.

There are other things that you need but can’t take with you and highest on that list is your family, specifically your dad. Once you’ve finished your breakfast you head over to your dad’s place. You let yourself in because he gets upset if you feel like knocking because if you have to knock it’s because it’s not your home. Technically you’ve never lived in this particular hive but Dad is firmly of the opinion that wherever he lives is your home.

“Hey Dad.” you call out as you come in the door and take your shoes off.

You’ve just set both down when your dad pokes his head into the room and smiles at the sight of you.

“Dave! It’s so lovely to see you son, come here.” he says warmly, holding his arms open for a hug.

Naturally you can’t just leave him hanging so you quickly cross the room and give him a hug. You’re a bit taller than him but you don’t mind that, you can still rest your head on his shoulder as you hug him, even if you’re not small enough where he can tuck your head under his chin anymore.

As you breathe in you can catch that scent of… something, probably something like his cologne and body wash mixed with his skin. Whatever it is it makes this particular combination that always feels like home. When you were thirteen and freshly sent here you’d already been bounced through several homes before, not to mention your whole past with your parents and everyone at the lab.

You were damn sure that adults weren’t to be trusted. Obeyed out of fear of punishment, sure, but not trusted. Dad was so good with all of you, despite being a single parent to so many kids he was careful and patient with all of you in the individual ways that you needed. He’s the best father anyone could ever have and even as you stand here in his arms you can hear Bro’s voice tearing you down for wanting that and insulting him.

You ignore all of that bullshit.

“I thought I’d come see you before tonight, I figured that if you needed me to pick anything up for you before then I could.” you say, letting him go.

“That’s very sweet. I can think of a few things you could get if you wouldn’t mind arriving early so I can cook with them. Let me send you a message with them so I don’t forget.” Dad says and pats his pockets a few times until he finds his palmhusk.

“Absolutely, anything you need.” you nod.

“Wonderful, wonderful. Oh, is that nice young man allergic to anything?” your dad asks, looking up from the screen.

Your mind flickers to Dirk and Hal who, although you have positive things to say about each of them, ‘nice’ isn’t exactly the descriptor you’d leap to first. Plus, you know, they’re his sons and he does know their names.

“Who?” you ask, completely lost.

“The one Hal brought to the wedding, he lives with you. It’s… oh, S-name of some kind. This is going to drive me nuts if I can’t remember it.” Dad frowns.

“Sollux?” you say dumbly.

“Yes! That’s it. I’d better remember that before tonight, I can’t believe I forgot that. I’m going to forget my head next.” Dad chuckles.

“Uh. I don’t think he’s allergic to anything but why are you asking?” you ask.

“Well, he’s living with you two and he’s going on this mission with you. You know not all trolls keep in touch with their lusii and June said that he and his matesprit broke up so the thought of him all alone in your hive when we’re having our traditional family send off just doesn’t sit right with me. I asked Hal about him earlier and he invited him, so he’s coming along. I just don’t want to make anything he can’t eat.” your dad explains.

“...You know he’s not dating Hal, right?” you ask slowly and suspiciously.

“Oh, of course. I was wise to that trick on the day of the wedding, but I wasn’t going to make Hal lose face like that.” Dad laughs a little, his pranksters gambit always was the sharpest.

“I don’t have a problem with it or anything, I’m just a little surprised I guess. We’ve never even brought partners to the traditional ‘good luck being shot at an alien planet’ meal and get together.” you say in surprise.

“Jake and Jade have their own traditions with their grandmother, I wouldn’t want to get between that. This is about us supporting you and your friend is doing the same thing so it seems awful to leave him out right before this, he’s probably nervous.” he says with that same overflow of empathy that led to him adopting five kids because he felt he could help and therefore he should.

“Hey, I’m not saying no. I’m just surprised. I’m sure you’ll like him if you get to talk to him though. He’s pretty cool, even if he can be kind of an ass sometimes but he’s Karkat’s best friend so that’s a given. I like him.” you say, and again you can feel the disdain from Bro of you expressing any kind of positive and sincere sentiment about a friend.

Especially a male friend. Don’t you know if you say that you sincerely like a dude three times in front of a mirror you magically summon gay Beetlejuice or something?

Wait, was Beetlejuice into dudes already? It’s been too long since you’ve seen that movie.

“One second.” you say to your dad and pull your own palmhusk out.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TG: important question
TG: life or death
TG: beetlejuice: into dudes or nah
TG: if i remember right beetlejuice was horny for everyone
TG: i thought it might be something like that and i thought i needed to get my facts straight
TG: unlike beetlejuice!
TG: i guess so
TG: ...bi-tlejuice
TG: bitlejuice

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

“Sorry, train of thought went off there.” you apologise, although Dad’s more than used to it.

You check your palmhusk again real quick and see that you have indeed got Dad’s shopping list and that you know what all of the items that he wants are. There’s no good getting to the store and then having to call him because you didn’t understand simple instructions. Not that that’s happened before or anything.

“You’ve got the emailed confirmation of the room that I sent as well, right? Would you be able to be there at five thirty to bring those ingredients?” Dad asks.

“Yeah, I got that this morning and of course. I’ll be there at five thirty.” you nod.

“Good, good.” your dad says with a nod and casually pulls his pipe out.

“Dad, I thought you quit. If Jane catches you she’ll be on your case.” you warn him.

Your dad sighs out a cloud of what you can only describe as… shaving foam scented vapour and casually puts it away.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t rat me out. An old man has to have his creature comforts.” dad says sagely.

“You’re forty eight, you’re not an old man at all.” you point out.

Your dad shushes you but gives you a cheeky wink so you know he’s only playing. God, it’s so hard to stay mad or even serious with him. Despite being a grown ass man and your dad he has that kind of quality that he shares with June that Jake once famously described as ‘a lovable scamp personality’.

Like, Dad, if you keep using that smoking pipe shaped vape Jane’s gonna be real mad at you. But then he just gets that look and all you can muster is an affectionate ‘oh, you’. You’ve no idea how he does it but you respect those moves.

“Okay, okay, my lips are sealed. See you at five thirty.” you tell him.

Your dad gives you another goodbye hug and you continue your morning journey around the ship by returning to your hive. You have another destination in mind after this but for this one you need Sollux. When you walk in your hive you find yourself in the middle of a conversation between Hal and Sollux. Sollux is in his block with Hal leaning against the doorframe.

“-get why you gave them voice recognition.” Sollux says patiently.

“You have to have that.” Hal agrees.

“And I understand that you have to adapt that to understand natural speech, so you need idioms, accents, names and references in there so it can hold a conversation. I get that.” Sollux goes on.

“For sure.” Hal nods, his eyes flick to you for a moment and you catch that glint of mischief in his eyes.

“But what I need to know is why you encoded a subroutine where if there are two devices running that software nearby and they hear the phrase ‘hi, my name is’ in any subroutine they’ll begin rapping a song that I have had to look up and found out was originally in English from some long dead Earth rapper. The fact that on top of that they alternate lines back and forth and, I had to test this several times to make sure, that they’ll do the whole rap in whatever language they detect you using. Why did you do that?” Sollux asks with his tone edging to despairing hysteria.

“Two reasons, because I could and because it’s funny.” Hal answers him simply.

“I hate you so much and I hate me so much more for entirely understanding that logic.” Sollux groans.

“Does Dirk know about that?” you ask as you walk over there.

“No.” Hal smiles darkly.

“I’m not fucking telling him. I had to work that out myself and if I’m cursed with that experience I’m sure as shit not saving him from it. It’s like those stupid fake links you used to send me all the time that Rick whatever. You know that’s in troll manuals about humans, right? Some ancient human tradition that somehow every human thinks is the funniest shit ever.” Sollux says sharply.

“I can’t believe you’d tarnish the hallowed name of Rick Astley like that. He’ll be the last bastion of human culture and I’d bet you money that someone left a rickroll time capsule on Earth just in case the planet somehow survived.” Hal says.

“That’s a safe bet. Anyway, Sollux, I hear you’re coming to dinner.” you say.

At that Sollux looks a little uneasy, glancing up from his seat to where Hal is standing in the doorway.

“Yeah… Hal said. He said it’s a family dinner and it’s tradition but you don’t even bring partners let alone friends so…?” Sollux doesn’t quite voice it but he’s wondering why the hell he’s been invited.

“Dad said that since you’re going off with me on this mission it’s not right to leave you out and it’s also not right for you to be left here alone on your last night before quarantine. So, you can come join the chaotic Strider/Egbert family send off dinner. Dad’s cooking and his food is great.” you tell him.

“Ohhh god, I’ve been thinking about it for days now. Nothing beats dad’s food, nothing at all.” Hal groans and you have to nod and agree with him there.

Dad is just the best there is and that’s all there is to say on the matter.

“I’d really be fine on my own, I don’t want to gatecrash or anything.” Sollux says, interrupting you and Hal imagining your dad’s food later.

“Nah, it’s not like that. He just wants to include you. It’ll be great, really.” Hal says and you nod in agreement.

“If you’re sure. At least it means I don’t have to figure out what I want to eat tonight.” Sollux says with a shrug.

“Excellent, now come on. Grab your swimming stuff, I’ve got a surprise for you.” you say and hurry into your own block to grab the same things.

“I’ll be unsurprised if it involves swimming now. Why are we going swimming?” Sollux asks.

“Surprise!” you shout back as you shove your things into a bag.

“He’s not going to tell me, is he?” Sollux asks.

“Pretty sure he’ll just say surprise in a variety of volumes, voices and amusing accents if you keep asking. Based on my experience anyway.” Hal tells him.

Just because Hal’s said it you try a few different ways of saying surprise out, eventually stopping when a scowling Sollux emerges from his block with a bag under his arm.

“If I come with you for whatever this is, will you shut up?” he demands.

“No.” you and Hal say at the same time.

“Will you at least stop saying ‘surprise’?” Sollux pleads.

“That I can do. Though I fully reserve the right to resume annoying you when I feel it’ll be too funny to resist doing that.” you inform him.

“Why the fuck do I like you?” Sollux mutters.

You gasp in faux shock with, admittedly, an actual flutter of sincere happiness that he verbally admitted to liking you. Look, Sollux is a prickly customer sometimes so having actual on the record confirmation that he does like you is nice.

“He likes me.” you whisper to Hal.

“There’s no accounting for taste.” Hal says, eyeing Sollux.

“Thanks, Hal.” Sollux mutters.

“You’re welcome, have fun on your SURPRISE trip. See you at dinner or whenever. I need to hack into Dirk’s computer and fuck with his filing system.” Hal says, walking away with a wave.

“That’ll be a fun thing to watch unfold tonight at dinner. Anyway, come on.” you say and loop your arm through his so you can lead him away.

“So, you know how the ship has a spa,” you start.

“I didn’t.” Sollux says.

You pause for a moment and consider that.

“Surprise!” you cheer and Sollux smacks you with his bag.

“Hey, I did say that I made no promises that I wouldn’t say it again when it happened to be funny. Anyway, there is a spa. Normally it’s more than I’d spend for just a pool and spa stuff, which is to say that they charge at all because I’m not really all that into it. But when it’s right before a mission if you’re on the list of people going off on that mission they let you in for free as a thank you or whatever for risking our lives etc. etc. and I’m all about free. Besides normally by this time it’s me who’s been going through stupid levels of training and I normally appreciate actually getting to relax before the chaos of quarantine and the actual mission.” you explain.

“I can relate to that. I’m not sure if things have stopped hurting so much or if I’ve just got used to it.” Sollux admits.

“Both, probably.” you say with a halfhearted shrug.

“So it’s a tradition or something? Karkat always said sailors are really superstitious, I can’t really tell from Aradia since she’s always been spooky.” Sollux says.

Well that sure is a statement. You take a quick look around you to be sure that you’re alone and you are pretty much, there’s people on walkways above and below but they’re well out of earshot and there’s no one all that close to you.

“...Saying it’s superstitious implies it’s not true.” you say.

“Oh, fuck. You are, aren’t you? Alright, it’s whatever, I don’t mind. So is this part of it, like if you don’t do it then it’s bad luck or something? What am I looking at here?” Sollux asks with a despairing shake of his head.

“It’s nothing like that. It’s just a nice tradition. The squad gets together and chills, you work out your aches and pains some, it’s nice. You get to bond and all that. Since you’re with me it’s probably good for you to be cool with them too.” you explain.

“The squad being…?” Sollux asks.

“We’re not an official unit or anything, but we’re all jack of all trade types even if we’ve each got things we’re better at. So there’s Azdaja, he’s our psionic up until now which is super helpful because a lot of the tech we have can be recharged with psionics. He’s also really tactical and a great scout.” you begin.

“I knew that from the specs I’ve been reading, I figured it was another point in my favour for the Captain picking me.” Sollux says.

“Probably didn’t hurt. Then there’s Konyyl she’s the closest our group has to a heavy sailor, she totally could qualify for them but I think she prefers to be around Azdaja since they’re matesprits. Also I think Gamzee gives her the creeps and she’d rather not work with him up close all the time.” you add.

“Oh, we’ll get on great. Those two were the ones at the pool, right?” Sollux asks and you nod in agreement.

“So then we’ve got Marsti who is technically not a mediculler but she showed a weird aptitude for it when a mission went sideways the year I joined. I didn’t get to go but the way I hear it she was on this destroyed ship, you remember, she was doing hazmat clean up and something blew up. Chahut nearly got her guts all blown to shreds and Marsti straight up saved her life with basic medical tech, girl should have died. So now she’s got a bunch of medical qualifications and Nep’s trying to get her a mediculler degree by going at it sideways. The whole situation’s wild but she’s a pretty chill person, level headed, takes no shit.” you tell him.

“That’s going to go one of two ways, either she’ll be some prodigy in the medical field or you’ll find out she’s assembling a body from parts in her closet and reanimating it.” Sollux says.

“She’d get a kick out of hearing that, you should tell her. So, the last person in our little group is Lanque. I’m going to be honest with you, the guy is an asshole a lot of the time. He will almost certainly be an asshole to you in a very passive aggressive cutting remark kind of way. You know how Rose can be when she decides she’s going to really go for someone? Kind of like that.” you tell him even though you know that doesn’t sound good.

“That’s a ringing endorsement.” Sollux remarks flatly.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to be real here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a good person in there. Lanque can be funny, he’s smart and he’s really good when it comes to strategic stuff. When it comes to stealth or even just any kind of hard work he’ll do it without bitching. He’s better when you know him more but I’ve worked with him for years now and sometimes he’s still an asshole to me, just don’t take it personally and don’t be afraid to push back at him. Yeah he outranks you but it doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like shit and don’t think us all being cool with him means we agree. I’m not trying to excuse the dickish exterior by saying oh he’s got a pusher of gold in there, because sure he does but there’s all that exterior too.” you warn him.

“Glad I know that going in I guess. He’s not one of these people who’s a jerk to people and the moment you say anything back he goes and cries about it, is he? I hate that.” Sollux grumbles.

“Nah, if anything pushing back makes him respect you more. No one’s going to call you out for talking shit to Lanque, least of all Lanque.” you assure him.

You only ended up getting anywhere with Lanque when you decided that you didn’t care if he liked you or not and let the things he said slide off of you and occasionally took a shot of your own at him. It’s a weird way of being someone’s friend, it’s like platonically pitch flirting. Still, it works and even though Lanque will still tell you that he wouldn’t be caught dead in what you’re wearing you do know that he’d save your life without a second thought, you know that if pirates attacked you he’d unleash hell on them for you. You like to think Lanque’s a good person, even if he’s definitely not a nice one.

“What about Jade then?” Sollux asks, interrupting your thoughts about Lanque’s true nature.

“She comes along sometimes, normally she goes first thing though because she has this whole cultural and spiritual thing that she and Jake do with their Grandmother. I don’t know the details of it because it’s not my culture, not my business. If she wanted to share it with me then that’d be one thing but I’m Mexican and Spanish, that’s my history and I’ve lost a bunch because my family didn’t hold onto all of it so I’m happy she’s got hers.” you tell him.

“I still can’t believe how many cultures Earth had. Trolls were pretty homogenous culturally. We only had two languages. Maybe it’s because we had the internet for longer or because in space we were all the same, I don’t know. You’re all so different.” Sollux says softly.

In the time the two of you have been talking you’ve pretty much arrived, he nearly walks past the turning you need to make so you catch his elbow and pull him along towards the spa. As soon as you get there you both flash your IDs and the human woman on the desk smiles at you both and starts giving you the rundown of the place as she leads you to the changing area. You’ve heard it a million times before and met her before but for Sollux it’s his first time and he probably appreciates getting to see the map and having it explained to him everything that the place has and where it all is.

With that done you lead him into the changing area and try to remember where you were conversationally.

“What was I saying? Oh, yeah, culture. Trolls probably had more before all of that. I guess at least you don’t miss the things you don’t know about. There’s a lot of stuff that my parents didn’t care enough to pass down, or we knew of it but never did it. Dad was always really good about trying to get us back into our own cultures like Rose’s quinceañera, Roxy never got one when we lived with our parents.” you tell him, there’s only a few other people getting changed in here right now so you’re not worried about being overheard.

“That sounds rough, I guess. I’m not really sure what it’s like to be attached to a culture. What do we have? The hemospectrum? Fuck that.” Sollux snorts as he pulls his locker door open.

“Oh, for sure. There’s loads of stuff about both of my cultures that were probably not great for the people living there, ideas about gender and religion and whatever. It’s not perfect for sure but I guess when you’re trying to trace it back it’s easy to just see the stuff you feel you’ve missed.” you say with a shrug.

“Again with the gender thing.” Sollux mutters, you’re pretty sure he’s talking to himself so you pretend you didn’t hear it. If he wanted to talk to you about whatever that is he’d do so, right?

“Huh, it’s happening already.” you say thoughtfully and peel your shirt off.

“What… is?” Sollux asks, looking at you and then quickly looking away.

“We swear they put something in the air here. Daja said it’s like you just get in this place and your mouth starts running about personal shit, like your thinksponge relaxes just like your body does.” you laugh.

Sollux seems to consider that for a moment and then looks at you sidelong for a second.

“When he said ‘you’ did he mean people in general or did he mean you, specifically Dave Strider, gets in here and runs his mouth?” Sollux asks.

“Yeah, you’ll do fine with Lanque.” you snort and shove the last of your clothes away.

Sollux takes a little longer to finish changing but, again, he’s not used to going as fast and efficiently as you are. He’ll get used to it though. Although maybe he won’t have time to, you don’t know if he’ll want to keep going on missions after this one since this was very much a last minute kind of problem. Obviously the whole thing is dangerous so you’d understand him not wanting to put himself at that risk long term, no doubt his job with Hal was a lot less demanding. Actually Hal might try and get some kind of revenge if you steal his best coworker and his friend away just because you want him.

You do want him. He’s fun to be around and you’ve got to know him a lot better through all of this, it’s a little selfish but you do hope he stays. He has a choice about whether to stay or go though, a choice you don’t have. You glance around the room then, there’s some new people coming in but that’s it. You’re only brought back into focus when Sollux shuts the door of his locker.

“So, where’re we going then? The lady at the desk listed off all of these places and rooms, pools and… I tuned out.” Sollux admits, although he doesn’t look all that sorry about it.

“Come on, you can come try this out. Just let me know if the temperature thing becomes a problem, I know you’re not as tough as- ow!” you yelp as Sollux elbows you.

Sollux follows along with you as you lead the way, you suppose he lets your mild teasing about human stuff go since he changes the topic along.

“Has Jade ever been here then, or not?” Sollux asks.

“We tried doing a thing where we’d come here two days before quarantine instead of the day before like we are now. It worked out better for her but I’m pretty sure the spa weren’t too keen on us both being here. You put the two of us together and there’s just a lot of noise and we ended up upsetting other people here.” you explain.

“UH.” Sollux says and gives you a wide eyed look.

You play that back in your head and realise how that sounded.

“Wait, no, nothing like that! God, no. It’s just this place is supposed to be pretty chill and when we’re together and trying to kick back it ends up being lots of loud laughter and dunking each other in pools. And, you know, Jade’s not great at volume control sometimes. Same as Karkat.” you explain hastily.

“I’d say that’s not fair to Karkat but I’d be lying.” Sollux admits grudgingly.

You pause outside of one of the steam rooms and let your eyes sharpen to see through the haze inside, there’s no one in there so you catch hold of Sollux and pull him inside.

“Oh, auuugh is that… menthol or something?” Sollux says with a grimace on his scrunched up face.

“Something like that, eucalyptus I think. Close your eyes if you wanna, just breathe in.” you advise him, your voice softer and quiet now that you’re properly within the spa.

Sollux breathes in deeply and you watch as his chest expands a bit as he does so. You’ve always really liked troll anatomy, despite all odds there’s so much similarity between you both. You suppose your bipedal body, big thinksponge and necessary dexterity produces beings of a certain shape which leads to functionally approximate parts in the same places. You like them though, the sounds they make, the subtly different ways that they move thanks to a slightly different skeleton.

Maybe it’s weird or creepy that you’re looking at Sollux like this but you don’t think you’re being weird. You think he’s cool and you think he looks cool. You like when he opens his eyes and through the haze of the steam room the glow is diffused giving you the impression of old pictures of big cities slightly out of focus so they’re just a haze of light.

“That feels… I think I like that. It makes your eyes water right away but it’s kind of clearer now.” Sollux says quietly.

“Yeah, it always feels to me like my sinuses are all clean afterwards. Here, sit down.” you say, sliding your hand into his and guiding him through the steam to a tiled bench.

He’s not got his glasses on and between that and the steam his eyesight is probably pretty shot in here. Gingerly he sits down with you and breathes deeply. You turn your attention back on him when it looks like he’s trying to see around the room.

“It’s just us in here.” you say, your voice still quiet despite you two being alone.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Sollux says, you suppose he feels like he can talk now that you’ve told him you’re alone.

“Shoot.” you say, letting your eyes slide closed as your head tips back.

“Is this whole quarantine thing a really big deal? I know we have to do it so people don’t get sick but we have health checks and all that before we go.” Sollux asks.

“To be fair I can say that being sick even with just a cold when you’re on planet and trying to work is pretty miserable, plus you’re stuck with each other breathing recycled air in the shuttles so if one of you is sick it’s pretty likely that you’re all going to end up that way. That’s not great.” you tell him.

“Okay, that makes sense why you’d do health checks but this seems a little bit much, don’t you think?” he presses you.

“Kinda. So partly it’s so we don’t bring anything contagious along with us, but also it keeps everyone together and supervised before we go. You don’t want your pilots showing up the morning of all hungover from a big party, or people getting dumb with excitement the night before and breaking a bone from some stupid stunt. If you’re all together in a controlled environment with your superior officers there you’re more likely to behave. They also use it as a good time to go over all of the briefings and intel before we go, run last minute training, all that jazz without having to negotiate around people’s schedules. People like Jade and Aradia often still have other work to do but the majority of their focus is on the mission when we’re in quarantine. It’s a multi-purpose thing.” you explain.

“I guess that makes sense. It’s still going to be more training for me then, right?” Sollux asks.

“Pretty much, there’s plenty of attached training space. I’m not sure if it’ll be more of the same or if they’ll try to include you in the stuff we do. But you’ll be working on your tech stuff as well, that’s for sure.” you tell him.

“I’m having horrifying flashbacks of gym class. It’s one thing embarrassing myself in front of you, I’d prefer not to do that publicly if I have the choice.” Sollux says with a grimace.

“Depends on Nepeta I guess, your fate is in her hands.” you say with a shrug that Sollux almost certainly can’t see.

He makes a slightly dissatisfied noise and the conversation between you melts into the pair of you enjoying the heat and the eucalyptus-y steam. Like you’re pretty sure it’s that but now you feel the need to check the little tag by the door when the pair of you actually leave.

You’re pretty melted against the wall when Sollux elbows you and makes a motion like he wants to go but isn’t sure how to get out on his own. You feel a little bad like you neglected him or something because his cheeks are bright yellow and his hair is plastered to his forehead from the steam when the two of you emerge back into the main spa area.

“You good?” you check with him but he nods so you figure that you’re ok.

“I feel like I’ve never breathed properly before now.” Sollux says, still blinking.

“Hah, I told you. Come on, let me show you the best part and I guess totally ruin you for the rest of the place. I’m sure it’s where my squad is.” you say and beckon him to follow you through the spa.

“Hm. Are they your squad or is this just a thing you call them?” Sollux asks teasingly as you pass a few saunas.

“They are- we are the squad. I’ll take no criticism on the subject.” you say with a shake of your head.

“Quick question, do you take criticism on any subject?” he asks with a teasing edge to his smile that’s somewhat belied by the way he’s still yellow faced from the heat.

“I only take criticism on subjects where I’m not perfect. If I find one of those I’ll let you know.” you joke, although the inelegant snort from Sollux tells you just how much he buys that.

You figure that you won’t rise to that particular bait, especially as you’re at your destination now. You’ve personally dubbed this the bubbly pool because of the aforementioned bubbles. The whole thing is like a giant jacuzzi yet so much better. People try to tell you that the pool has an actual name, but you’re pretty insistent on using your own name for it.

“Marsti!” you say cheerfully as you walk towards her.

Marsti is floating on her front in the pool with her head pillowed on her arms on the edge of the pool. One of her dark red eyes opens ever so slightly to look at you.

“Hey Dave.” she greets you.

“I brought Sollux, since he’s going to be with me the whole time on the planet I thought I’d subject him to more of me and also you guys.” you say brightly and Sollux waves at her slightly awkwardly, a gesture Marsti returns without the awkwardness.

“How thoughtful. Get in, the water’s great as always.” she sighs.

“Where is everyone else anyway?” you ask as you slip into the water, Sollux is able to just float over and lower himself in that way and it looks far more graceful than your move.

“Azdaja and Konyyl are around somewhere and Lanque is in the sauna warming up his cold dead bloodpusher.” Marsti says with added volume at the end there.

Looking around you manage to pick out Lanque’s shape through the tinted glass as he gets to his feet, although him opening the sauna door seems to surprise Sollux a little who hadn’t spotted him before then.

“Marsti, face like an angel, voice of an airhorn going through a woodchipper. So kind of you to speak of me.” Lanque says, his voice dripping with insincerity.

“Dave.” he says, nodding in your direction.

“Lanque, my good bitch.” you say with a nod.

“How dare you, I’m the best and baddest bitch. I see you brought a nerd.” Lanque says, slipping into the water and eyeing Sollux.

“Yeah.” Sollux agrees because he clearly doesn’t consider that a burn.

Lanque gives Sollux an assessing once over and Sollux looks back entirely unaffected.

“Did I hear wrong or are you Aradia’s ex-flush?” Lanque asks smoothly.

You want to tell him to back off but you know that to a certain extent you intervening will only make that worse, so you just watch and see if Sollux is going to need you to step in and make Lanque back off.

“Yeah.” Sollux says like that’s not a big deal.

“Really punching above your weight there, weren’t you?” Lanque says with a mean smile.

“No shit. My ex is hot, what of it?” Sollux snorts.

“My point was that you are not, thus you two being together was surprising. Would you like this in a larger font, darling?” Lanque says faux-sweetly.

“I’m sorry, was I meant to be surprised at an entirely uncontroversial assessment of how I look? You’re aware mirrors exist? This isn’t news to me. Yes, my ex is hot, I’m not, I still broke up with her and there’s not a lot of drama there. We’re still cool with each other. Any other obvious statements you want to make about it?” Sollux shoots back.

You think that’s a little unfair, there’s nothing wrong with how Sollux looks. He’s not big and buff like some people but he’s pretty. Lanque isn’t some ripped strongman but he belabours the point when it comes to his own prettiness, kind of weird that he’d disregard Sollux for the same thing. If anything Sollux clearly doesn’t have to put effort into looking like that when Lanque clearly works very hard on it. There’s likely nothing to be gained from interrupting with that so you keep those thoughts to yourself.

“Why did you break up, then?” Lanque asks.

“None of your business and I’ll tell you that it wasn’t anything to do with how much hotter she is than me.” Sollux says in a flat and unimpressed tone.

“Well if you’re not with her perhaps I might have some fun with her.” Lanque says with a goading smile.

“Ok? That’s her business not mine.” Sollux says, squinting at Lanque like he’s crazy or something.

“Is he always this boring?” Lanque asks you with a sigh.

“No, Sollux is cool when you’re not trying and failing to get a reaction out of him.” you tell Lanque flatly.

“Who doesn’t care about someone intending on fucking their ex?” Lanque argues.

“Would you like me to get a screen for you if you’re gonna project that hard?” Sollux asks casually.

Marsti snorts in amusement, the sound turning bubbly when she accidentally gets her face in the water. Lanque for his part doesn’t seem at all amused by Sollux’s clever comeback. You suppose that all that bickering with Karkat probably helped Sollux on that front.

“You’re kind of an asshole.” Lanque mutters.

“Still on obvious statements, huh?” Sollux says with a grin.

“Whatever. Dave, did you hear about Azdaja and Konyyl? They’re vacillating pale last I heard.” Lanque says with a predatory smile.

“That’s a bajillion percent not my business, man.” you sigh.

“I told you he wouldn’t care.” Marsti adds.

“You two are chronically boring. Sollux, surely you aren’t this boring?” Lanque sighs.

“I’ve met them once in passing so I don’t care. I can say ‘wow’ if you like when you tell me.” Sollux offers.

“Fine, this is a terrible audience but I’ll make it work. Azdaja and Konyyl are waxing pale for each other.” Lanque repeats.

Him talking almost covers the sound of the doors opening, almost. You see that Sollux has noticed, his gaze flickering from Lanque to the door where Azdaja and Konyyl are stood.

“Wow.” Sollux whispers in awe.

“Thank you, that was better.” Lanque says with a sharp look at you.

“No, I meant more like wow you really picked a terrible audience for this.” Sollux says.

Lanque gets as far as “What-” before Konyyl launches herself at him like an asteroid, making a huge splash in the pool and sloshing water everywhere. Azdaja just stands on the edge sparking with anger.

Come to think of it, there might be a reason the spa doesn’t extend free membership at all times, sailors as a crowd are all pretty rowdy.

“Our quadrant is fine by the way.” Azdaja informs you all sharply.

“We’re FINE.” he adds again loudly as Lanque resurfaces coughing and spluttering.

“He’s just being a gossipy bitch, we know you two are cool.” you assure him.

“It’s your relationship, not mine. Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Marsti sighs as she flips onto her back, resting her elbows on the edge of the bubbling pool.

Sollux’s eyes widen in interest, an interest that both you and Marsti misread.

“The bikini’s not an invitation to stare.” she says firmly. Yeah, unlike the regular pool the spa has a dress code so Marsti’s pretty covered in the rumblesphere front.

“Oh! Shit, no, it’s not that. I was just admiring your tattoo.” Sollux says hastily, gesturing to a stripe of skin under his collarbone where on Marsti there’s a whole lunar phase cycle tattooed out in detail.

“Thanks, Dave did it. Hurt like hell right here.” Marsti says, tapping her sternum.

“I warned you.” you sigh.

“You definitely underplayed how much your sternum hurt when you warned me about mine.” Marsti says and internally you wince a little.

It’d be naive to hope that Sollux didn’t catch that because he definitely did and the way he’s staring at your bare chest tells you that just fine.

“But your chest isn’t tattooed.” he says slowly.

“It’s UV ink, a lot of his are.” Marsti says, running her mouth.

To be fair she probably hasn’t put two and two together and worked out why she should shut up.

“You can’t have done your own chest, who did it? What is it?” Sollux asks.

“Don’t worry about it. Konyyl stop trying to drown Lanque already.” you call across the pool to her.

“If I was trying to drown him then he’d be DROWNED.” Konyyl shouts but dunks Lanque one more time and then sloshes away through the pool towards the rest of you.

“Cool, I still want to hear about your invisible tattoos. Who did them? What are they?” Sollux asks curiously.

“If I tell you upfront that you’ll regret asking, would that make you not ask?” you ask him and Sollux gives you a look that tells you full well that it will not stop him.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” you sigh, “Before I passed my test and joined there was another human who did basically what I do now. Including all of the tattooing stuff, he was the one who taught me. By the time I was joined up he was out of service though. He did my chest piece and a few other things.”

“Alright, that doesn’t explain why I’d regret asking and you didn’t tell me what it’s of.” Sollux points out.

“The guy’s name was Sam Ashida.” you say.

Sollux’s face shifts from not knowing who that is to clearly remembering the name. Sam was in the wrong time and place when everything with Mituna went down, although Sam always said that he felt he was in the right place at the right time. At least Mituna didn’t get hauled off of the ship without anyone trying to save him.

It didn’t stop Sam getting shot in the face though. It was a medical miracle he survived, even if what took him out years down the line were complications from that injury. He never regretted it, you just wish you’d had more time with a guy who was able to explain so much for you and show you the way.

“Anyway, you still good over there Lanque?” you ask, shifting the focus off of Sollux so he can have whatever emotional reaction he wants to that reminder about Mituna.

Lanque does his part in moving the conversation on by flipping you off as his answer. The next thing that Azdaja says makes you think he’s doing his part to try to shift the conversation too.

“You know,” Azdaja says as he looks over at Sollux, “it seems like every time I see you we’re at least somewhat undressed.”

“You’re… not wrong.” Sollux says wide eyed.

“What, you think you’re gonna get Lanque’s problem? Someone won’t recognise you with your clothes on?” Konyyl snorts.

“Not exactly what I said.” Azdaja sighs.

“Daja, you did that thing that I do sometimes, where you say the quiet part out loud.” you point out.

“What I’m hearing is that you’d have just kept that thought about what Sollux is wearing or not wearing in your head like normal.” Marsti says slowly.

“Yeah, that’s basically what I said.” you agree.

“Unless you’re mentally critiquing my fashion choices… what… tell me, Dave, how many thoughts like that do you have?” Sollux asks and you silently replay this conversation.

“I’m not- the normal amount!” you insist.

“Well, I for one am with Dave on this. I think about people with and without their clothes all of the time.” Lanque purrs.

“Not helping!” you protest.

“No, no, we want to KNOW!” Konyyl insists with a loud laugh.

Marsti, the saint that she is, must pick up on your mood because she pulls herself out of the pool and sighs deeply.

“This is why they don’t invite us here all the time, you know that, right?” Marsti says with a look at the others.

“Anyway, Sollux,” she goes on as she looks at Sollux, “how’re you feeling about the big mission?”

Sollux makes an uncertain noise and sinks a little lower in the bubbling water as he seems to compose his answer.

“Mixed, I guess? On the one hand it’s pretty exciting and I obviously want to help, I put in all this work to try to make it and I passed the tests I had to so I could fly. So, I would say that I’m excited. But… I know there’s a lot I don’t know. Also I’ve never been off the ship and the way I understand it I’m getting my psionics taken away and then I get jammed in a metal tube with what is effectively a whole bunch of explosives and shot at a rock hurtling through space. That’s a little unnerving.” Sollux says.

“If it helps I never think there’s any point worrying about what might happen in those situations. You’ll either deal with it in the moment or if it goes SUPER wrong then you just explode and never know about it!” you tell him brightly.

“That is the most Dave thing you have ever said.” Lanque says flatly, but he would because he’s the exact opposite of you.

“It’s not like I can’t see a certain kind of comfort in like ‘nothing matters, the only certainty is death now watch this sick acrobatic stunt I’m gonna do’, that’s fine.” Sollux says.

“Optimistic nihilism! Excellent life philosophy or horrible coping mechanism? Ask my psychologist sister never and instead go on cool adventures!” you say with a wild grin.

“That’s concerning but I’m ignoring that for now. I can put aside the whole horrible death by explosions thing when being shot at a planet-” Sollux goes on.

“Technically we dock with the space station first, but go on.” Azdaja cuts in.

“Right. I can ignore that but I guess I just hope I’ll do my job well enough and that I don’t become a popsicle down there.” Sollux says.

“Wait, you hope you don’t become a popsicle down there as in ‘on the planet’ or, you know, ‘down there’?” you ask with a raised eyebrow.

“We’re back to saying the quiet thoughts out loud again.” Azdaja says with a smirk.

“It’s fine, we’ve been friends since we were thirteen. I can tune it out like white noise at this point.” Sollux says back right away.

“Shit, how many years until we can do that?” Lanque laughs.

“Wait, you all listen to Dave?” Marsti teases, leaning backwards when you reach up to smack her in the arm.

Just like that, Sollux slots in place to your little squad like he’s always been there. He’s got a quick enough mouth that he’s fine with Lanque trying to bait him, he matches Marsti’s chill and has a decent rapport with Azdaja and Konyyl. He’s going to be just fine with them.

Your group moves from pool to sauna to steam room, you get to watch Sollux, Marsti and Azdaja all but melt on the heated relaxation beds. Lanque sits with you as you all cover yourselves in special green mud and talks through a tattoo design he wants. Both your body and mind relax and by the time you and Sollux drift back to your hive you’re ready to take a nap.

Time isn’t on your side however and you eye your watch unhappily.

“I’ve got to pick up stuff for dad and be at the event space at five thirty so I don’t really have time for a nap.” you say unhappily.

“Consider this, we split the stuff you need to get, get it twice as fast and get to have a nap first.” Sollux suggests sleepily as he drags his claws through his still damp hair.

That’s highly irresponsible.

“We can be fast, right? It’s- hey, it could be more training. That way when we suddenly have to roll out to fix something you know what to do.” you say weakly and sit down on the loungeplank.

Sollux yawns, stretches and falls down next to you onto the loungeplank in a splay of long limbs.

“I’m entirely okay with however you want to justify this to yourself if it means I get a nap.” he says.

“Okay, but just twenty minutes, ok?” you say, tapping at your watch to set the alarm.

Sollux makes a noise of vague agreement, his eyes already shut. You start the timer going and slide down the loungeplank as well, your legs end up in a mess with Sollux’s in an effort for you both to be spread out but neither of you cutting off the other’s circulation. You probably look like Jade’s tanglebuddies or something.

Your nap does not end up being twenty minutes.

What ends up happening is you hazily snooze the alarm and then wake up another fifteen minutes later in a panic and drag Sollux out the door. To your delight Sollux at one point psionically picks you up and flies you to the store in a direct route that’s way faster than the train and elevators would be, not to mention far more fun.

You brief him with what you need him to get, you run off to find dad’s cooking specific ingredients and the whole shopping trip is two minutes max and then the small amount of time it takes for you to scan shit and hurl it into Sollux’s bag and then you’re off again.

Through some miracle you’re only five minutes late, though when Dad opens the door and smiles at you it’s like none of it matters at all. He pulls you into another hug and thanks you for the shopping.

“And you brought Sollux with you, I’m so glad to see you again in what’s going to be a far less stressful event!” Dad says with a chuckle.

“Thanks for inviting me.” Sollux says politely.

“Lovely to have you.” Dad beams and even shakes Sollux’s hand before leading him in.

“How have you been finding living with my boys? I hope they’ve been looking after you.” Dad asks him.

“Dad!” you protest and get completely ignored, although Sollux looks at you with an expression of pure mischief.

“Oh they’re awful, Dave beats me up for my lunch money and- nah, they’re good. It’s a little weird living with hivemates who are family, that’s new to me. I went from living with my lusus to living with Aradia so it’s new. It’s good though, I’ve not driven either of them nuts yet I don’t think.” Sollux says, going from joking to sincere.

“And you’re all eating right? The place is tidy?” Dad checks.

“Rose is way messier than I am. Her not living with us already improves that.” you mutter.

“Yeah it’s fine, the only issue I have is with Hal’s organisation but I’m used to that from working with him. I don’t mean his block or anything. We have a shared drive for movies and media and the way he categorises it drives me bonkers. I can search it fine but it’s the principle.” Sollux complains.

“What, you mean tags on movies like ‘mad libs script’ and ‘physics is crying in the corner’ don’t narrow it down for you? Although I do appreciate the tags of ‘the barkbeast dies in the end’ and ‘the barkbeast lives’ for when Bec was around, his delicate puppy sensibilities didn’t need that kind of horror.” you say.

Dirk always told you Bec was just a barkbeast , a smart barkbeast that you all loved and maybe too smart for his own good but still just a barkbeast. You and Rose however know there’s a deeper intelligence in those canine eyes. You’re still not going to subject your poor sweet boy to movies where the barkbeast dies.

“I can certainly see it as a pattern of thinking that makes sense to him but it’s not the most intuitive if you don’t think about it that way yourself.” Dad says diplomatically as you pass him Sollux’s bag with the groceries in them.

“Aside from that it’s been great. I’m really grateful that Rose and Karkat came up with the whole idea.” Sollux says with a nod.

“I’m very happy to hear it. Now, I asked Dave already but you’re not allergic to anything are you? There’s nothing in particular that you don’t like?” Dad asks.

Before you can answer all of your palmhusks ping simultaneously. Sollux is quickest on the draw, picking his out of his pocket to look at it.

“Oh, data dump from one of the other ships. Nice, some of the games on my list have released, tv shows too.” Sollux grins.

“I’m sure my forums have updated, that’s something to look forward to later.” Dad agrees.

Your eyes are stuck on your screen though.

CROSS SHIP BALANCE BOARD
Bungee: We’ve been getting a lot of interference on The Forge, losing balance super quickly. Can anyone else confirm if they’re experiencing the same? [52 days ago]
Arc: m!ght just be co!nc!dental but Subduct has been f!nd!ng !t hard to stay stable, we’re further back than you though so that’s to be expected ! th!nk? [50 days ago]
Subduct: bo7h me and my colleague are finding 7he same problem, Arc is correct. [50 days ago]
Tremolo: We’re outside of the hydroid galaxy scouting for directionality and I can say it’s plain sailing here, which is fantastic news. If I’m reading right Bungee and Arc are reasonably close, is this a local thing perhaps? [45 days ago]
Marathon: @wful lot of pir@ @ctivity @ the edge, retre@ting due to unre@lity [42 days ago]
Marathon: lost limewire tod@y, scre@ming @bout the future and tried to get into the re@ctor. Security shot her. [31 days ago]
Bungee: Oh God, Marathon I’m so sorry. Can anyone nearby reroute for balance? [29 days ago]
Sigmaphied: adjusting cOursE tO intErcEct with MarathOn’s prOjEctEd path. ShOuld bE in tracking rangE in a day [28 days ago]
Sigmaphied: nEgative, The EvErseA dEstrOyEd. [27 days ago]
Umami: Confirmation, The Forthright has been lost. Requesting status reports from the following ships: The Kobayashi Maru, The Iron Chain, The A’Tuin, The Violent Strike, and The Updraft [25 days ago]
Frontier: Reporting for The Kobayashi Maru, no problems with balance here. Our condolences to those lost. [24 days ago]
Arc: st!ll hav!ng balance problems on the !ron cha!n, both of my counterparts are hav!ng sleep terrors. [22 days ago]
Bends: Reporting From The Updraft… We Are Also Experiencing Unbalance. Vulnerable Individuals Are Behaving Strangely And The Captain Is Keeping Them Locked Away... [18 days ago]
Bends: Update To My Previous Message… Ignorant Crew Are Experiencing A “Call”... Advising Lock Up To Other Ships Experiencing This… [16 days ago]
Frontier: This seems localised then. [16 days ago]
Canis: Sorry for the delayed reply, we haven’t been close to a relay in a while. We’ve been getting some static but I would say it’s mild. Based on the charts I have it looks like whatever this is is happening between us at the Violent Strike and The Kobayashi Maru, which would include the destroyed Eversea, The A’Tuin, The Iron Chain and The Updraft. A’Tuin should be in relay range in about 5 days. [5 days ago]

“Dave, palmhusk away, we have a guest-” Dad starts.

“Sorry Dad, there’s an emergency. I need to go. I’ll… I’ll be back as soon as I can.” you say regretfully.

“Wait, is this a mission thing? Do I need to come?” Sollux asks in alarm.

“You stay right here, enjoy the food. Hopefully I’ll be back before too long.” you assure him, already turning towards the door.

You’re already halfway to the station when Nepeta sends a message to your group telling you to get to the stern, to evaluate and then report to telemetry. Your personal space suit is also being couriered there at speed. Needless to say you sprint and when you get to the station you bypass the public line entirely and instead rush down below to the emergency line.

Your gut is a tangle of nerves and the back of your neck prickles the same way it always did when Bro was watching you, this is bad. As soon as your train reaches the end of the line you hurry out, sprinting the last distance on foot to the furthest airlock on the whole ship. Gamzee and Aradia are already in various stages of getting suited and as you pull your shirt off over your head you catch a glimpse of Fozzer hurrying your way.

The four of you change in a heavy and desperate silence, the moment you’re all done you step into the airlock. You shut the doors, the air is vented and then the outer doors open. All of you scramble up the ship as fast as you can, though you daren’t flashstep in this kind of situation. You scramble to the very farthest edge of the ship, catching the edge with your hand. As you do your mind rushes through the math, just how fast you’re going, just how far you can get from the ship before there’s no chance of reaching you, how far until dead space.

You hold tight and sit with the almost vertigo-like feeling. If you look just right you can see behind the ship without any of the ship itself being in your view at all, like it’s not even there. The deep, dark, dead emptiness stretches out in every single direction. When you’re in the shuttle headed to a planet you can see the ship, the planet’s moons, other things in the solar system sometimes and of course the planet itself. But this is nothing, nothing interspersed with the occasional star which only serves to highlight the absence that you can see.

It was thought originally that it didn’t eat stars, that’s how your species found it after all, when planets went missing but stars remained. They do go, eventually. You think it’s the loneliness that does it, a star out there burning for nothing, surrounded by nothing, alone in the dark. It’s not widely known about the stars, people try not to look back and that’s a good instinct. People should lean into that.

You let go from the ship ever so slowly, until you’re touching nothing and seeing nothing of it. You turn your eyes off, cut out those stars that’re still burning and see nothing at all. Panic claws up your posture pole because it’s awfully familiar. Beyond you though it doesn’t seem all that bad, it’s not an angry roll of darkness like boiling ink. It’s just the usual void of all things. You try to perceive more but can’t quite, although there’s something at the edge of your not-vision that you just can’t grasp.

You allow your vision to return and look at Gamzee, he seems mildly puzzled but mostly you get the feeling that he sees what you do.

“We need to get back to the Captain.” Fozzer says softly through the line to you.

You’re just turning when you find yourself turned back, not so much that you’re facing the back fully again but at a diagonal from that. A shudder of something runs through you, if this was a movie there’d be a dramatic flash of lighting and whatever it is would be there. But what you have is the absence of that and a lingering unease.

“Do you… what about there?” you ask, pointing.

The others look and slowly each of them answers in the negative, either that they don’t see anything there or that what they do see is about the same as everywhere else. You want to listen to them but you know Bro… it feels weird to you and the sensible part of you says that you raised the issue, they looked and didn’t see anything. But you felt something and the way he raised you and the way he thinks about stuff is that even if anything you think and feel is garbage to him it’s still a step above one stupid clown, a girl stuck in her feelings about a boy and another who’s never been all there to begin with.

You’re not Bro, so you follow the others back into the ship through the airlock. All four of you get your suits off and quickly as you can take the emergency line back up to telemetry, all of you silent and contemplative as you focus on everything outside of the ship.

Telemetry is always a bustle of screens and projections, tracking the ship’s progress through space and plotting courses, not to mention keeping an eye on rogue objects in space that could smack right into you. It’s complicated stuff. Beyond the main room where everyone is working there’s a dedicated meeting room that’s entirely soundproofed. No doubt there’s been people hurrying there before you four and, even among those in this room who don’t know why you’re a “big deal”, it’s got to be unnerving to see all of you going in there.

The door clicks shut behind Fozzer and the Captain looks up with a grim expression on her face.

“Let’s get started, tell us what you saw.” she instructs you as your group shuffles to the front of the circular presentation area.

“It’s hard to say… I couldn’t see that things were especially different but I got a weird feeling. But everything’s been a little off since Vikare, so I’m not sure.” you say first.

“It seemed the same as it has since him, yeah.” Gamzee nods in agreement.

“It felt unsettled to me, kind of…” Aradia tries to grasp the word.

“Staticky? Like pins and needles in your thinkpan.” Fozzer finishes for her and Aradia nods.

The Captain nods for a moment, the whole room watching her intently.

“Folykl, can you show me the positions of the other ships who reported?” she asks.

Folykl works in telemetry, although you understand that ‘work’ is something of a misnomer. From what Kuprum says she’s sort of a lazy supergenius who does the bare minimum and then occasionally drops something fantastic in people’s laps. She’s super good at seeing a bunch of people working on supposedly unrelated things, taking all of that and going ‘oh it’s this’ and walking off like she didn’t just drop a bomb on everyone.

Right now she’s hunched over the table jabbing at her tablet to bring up the projection. When it appears it’s projected in the middle of the room in green.

“The Eversea was destroyed here but its course was along this line when it was having problems.” she says in her raspy voice and on the chart you see the progress and termination of The Eversea.

“Iron Chain has been taking this path and their white balancers have been reporting problems since here. Similarly for The Forge, The Updraft and our ship are here, here, and here. On either side we have The Violent Strike and The Kobayashi Maru with no problems as of last communication.” she goes on.

The projected pattern shows a localised area of problems and your ship is right there in the middle. Of course you’re not close to the other ships, space is huge, but the thing you’re running from is as well. Scale is more of a suggestion at this point.

“Whatever is happening is localised between us.” The Captain concludes.

“Somnos is directly on the same path, if we’re assuming that whatever this is that’s causing these problems is going to continue in roughly this direction-” Nepeta starts as she moves a hand through the previous paths of all of the ships, which does suggest a direction of the Void’s expansion.

“I have a projection for that, we don’t know it’s moving exactly this way so I’ve projected a cone of probable movement but it could change. We don’t know.” Folykl says and with a tap a cone of red, orange and yellow appears.

“Could you bring up Somnos’ location?” Nepeta asks and with a tap from Folykl it appears, well within the red zone.

“What are our options?” The Captain asks.

Polypa decides to field this one, stepping out from the table to pace as she talks.

“First option, we assume that this is going to continue in the direction it seems to be and that this is the Void encroaching faster but in a different way. If that’s the case then we jam as much power as we can salvage into the engines and burn ahead as quickly as we can. We skip Somnos entirely and move to get out of range of this as best as we can. That does mean an inevitable loss of life for the Carapacians.” Polypa says in a somber tone.

The silence in the room is weighty and awful, no one should have to make these choices.

“Second option we go ahead as planned, our four balancers leave the ship with the sailors for Somnos, get as many resources as possible while we loop through the solar system unguarded and potentially unbalanced before picking them up again. If they don’t make it because they’re exposed or we don’t make it without them then either way that causes a loss of life for the Carapacians. It could go perfectly fine but we don’t know.” Polypa goes on.

“Is there a third option?” The Captain asks.

“I wanted to check with telemetry to see if there was a possibility of us orbiting Somnos-” Polypa starts but Folykl cuts her off right away.

“Not possible. We’re far too big and going far too fast, we’re not set up to be able to slow down that much in this short an amount of time and if we did we’d never get the speed up again afterwards to avoid being eaten ourselves.” she says immediately.

“You can’t work anything to even see-” Polypa tries.

“Conservation of momentum is a bitch, I know.” Folykl shrugs.

“What about only sending one shuttle to Somnos? It’d cut down what we can retrieve but we’d still save some extra lives instead of none. Two of them go down, two stay here.” one of the scienterrorists whose name you don’t remember suggests.

“Can’t be done. The equipment that we’re taking can’t be cut down any more than it has been, even if we account for fewer people on the mission that’d only save a little space. I’d say we could remote pilot one ship if we made one totally cargo and doubled up people in the other but aside from that requiring us to rip out the entire shuttle which we can’t do in this time, Somnos’ interference problem would absolutely crash anything remotely piloted. It’s not doable, you’d just bomb Somnos with expensive tech and leave the crew with no ability to get anything mined, it’d be worse than pointless.” Mallek answers from his position in Flight Engineering.

“We still don’t even know what this is and why does it only seem to be affecting the white balance?” someone else asks, you didn’t get to see who it was.

“I don’t know. I thought I was off balance for personal reasons but with Vikare and all of this I think it might not just be me.” Aradia says softly.

“I’ve felt different but I assume it was just a result of the same thing.” Fozzer agrees.

“Nothing different with us, it’s not our side.” Gamzee answers.

A horrible idea steals over you and the more you think about it the worse it gets.

“I… I think I have an idea. You’re not gonna like it, it’s crazy and I don’t like it but I feel like I have to say it.” you say and all eyes are suddenly on you.

“Please, all ideas are welcome here.” The Captain nods.

“We can’t not go to Somnos because we’re dooming millions possibly billions to death, we can’t stop entirely because then we all die AND so do the Carapacians, we can’t leave the ship unattended because you all die and then we do and then the Carapacians do. We can’t remote fly a shuttle, can’t go down to one.” you list off.

“What if… what if we split up? Gamzee and Fozzer stay here and keep the A’Tuin balanced and me and Aradia take a shuttle each-” you go on.

“Separate? You might as well wave a flag at it.” Gamzee interrupts.

“Normally, yeah. But. But… what if instead of the normal distance we fly we stick super close. If me and Aradia can balance out from one end of the ship to the other then we could do that through different shuttles, maybe?” you suggest.

“If you had even the slightest flight problem getting to the station one of you could clip the other and blow up both shuttles.” Mallek says flatly.

“Right, but what if we don’t, though?” you say hopefully.

“I… hm. Mallek, there’s got to be a range where it’s safe, one where you’re getting too close, then definitely too close and then almost certainly going to crash. If they’re not getting too close to Somnos’ atmosphere for that and are just getting to the station then what’s the range of that?” Folykl asks slowly.

Mallek looks at her for a long moment and then his fingers fly across his keyboard for a bit, he tips his head this way and that as he types all with a frown of deep concentration. Finally he stops and looks up.

“The shuttle’s engines performing in optimal conditions should be able to stay perfectly straight, assuming a little shimmy from payload distribution or anything else and assuming that this is not going to be in atmosphere I can… theoretically allow the shuttles to be within 1100 meters of each other. Any closer and we won’t have time to correct problems with the course as they happen. Of course we don’t even know what their range is over empty space because this idea is nuts, if either of you is even slightly out of balance this could go horribly wrong.” Mallek emphasises.

“But from an engineering standpoint it’s feasible?” The Captain asks.

Mallek closes his eyes and sighs, but he nods.

“Aradia, do you think this is possible?” Nepeta asks. The ‘especially given everything you’ve got going on right now’ is unspoken but still there.

“Dave and I have the best connection so I think it makes more sense than him and Fozzer or me and Gamzee. I can certainly try and I think if we spent quarantine pre-flight trying to solidify a wavelength of sorts it could be doable.” Aradia says with a slow nod.

“Could we split the sailors up so that everyone with Aradia’s alignment is with her and Dave’s with his, that way there’s less interference?” Fozzer suggests.

Nepeta pauses and scrolls through her tablet for a moment.

“It would be a slightly awkward alignment and hard to explain to the people who don’t know but we could do it.” she nods.

“Gamzee, Fozzer, do you feel like you can handle the ship without them?” The Captain asks, eyeing them.

“Missions usually put people in focus of a planet, that’s usually why we’re fine with no one here for a while so with that and us here I think we can manage it. It’ll be a lot of weird hours without four of us but I think we can pull together and make it.” Fozzer says.

The Captain nods slowly for a moment as if weighing it all up in her mind.

“And saying that we do this and the worst happens, the two shuttles collide or are destroyed somehow. Could we salvage our course out of here and away from this storm without coming back around Somnos to what might then be a dangerous area?” she asks.

“We could, yeah.” Folykl nods, though it’s harrowing to think of.

“Alright, this sounds like our best option to investigate. I want firm numbers on this from all of you now, we’re not leaving until we have a clear plan with contingencies and solid data wherever possible. Telemetry, I want all possible courses out of here plotted and what our cut off times are for adjusting course should we need to. Give me the route that the shuttles can take. Nepeta, Polypa, I need our staffing alignments worked out so everyone is placed properly in their shuttles. Flight Engineering, I want tolerance ranges on how close we can reasonably fly these things and what the pilots are going to have to do to manage that. Let’s go.” The Captain orders and at once the room bursts into frenzied activity.

You look at Aradia knowing full well that she thinks this is the right thing to do but neither of you is dumb enough to think this is risk free. Things just got a whole lot more dangerous around here.

Chapter Text

Your evening at the Strider’s party is nice, the food is fucking fantastic and Mr Egbert has somehow made enough for you all to take some home and he makes sure to put together a plate of food specifically for you and Hal to take back for Dave when it becomes clear that he’s not going to come back.

It’s also a little weird being around the Strider/Egberts when you know that Dirk and Hal at least have already caught onto your feelings for Dave. You imagine that as your friend Hal isn’t going around spreading gossip about you but given that Dirk’s first instinct was to talk to Hal about it you can’t be sure if the others know already. It doesn’t help that pretty much all of Dave’s sisters go around always looking like they know something. The only one you can’t say that about is June and that’s because in your experience June is either wildly perceptive or totally oblivious and until she opens her mouth and confirms one of those you never know which she is at any given time, she’s tricky like that.

No one says anything directly to you and Mr Egbert is very intent on involving you in all of the dinner conversation and despite the oddness of it all it’s… nice.

“I hope everything’s okay with Dave, I’ve not heard anything from him. Have you?” Hal asks as you both wait for the train back to your hive.

You check your palmhusk, no contact from Dave and his status is set to work engagement which essentially means that only people of a certain clearance and relevancy can contact him, to everyone else he may as well be offline. That doesn’t bode well, but you also have a message from Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY, I KNOW YOU'RE AT THE STRIDER/EGBERT DINNER BUT I NEED TO CHECK SOMETHING WITH YOU.
-twinArmageddons is idle-
TA: hey iit'2 me, ii'm out now
TA: how diid you know ii wa2 there?
CG: ROSE TOLD KANAYA, KANAYA TOLD ME.
TA: of cour2e
CG: IS DAVE WITH YOU?
TA: no actually he baiiled before diinner, he 2aiid iit wa2 a work thiing
CG: CONCERNINGLY GAMZEE TOOK OFF AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME AND I'VE NOT HEARD ANYTHING BACK. THIS HAS TO BE ABOUT THE MISSION, RIGHT? ARADIA'S UNREACHABLE TOO.
TA: ii don't know, iit make2 2en2e
CG: SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED, RIGHT? I'VE HAD A HORRIBLE FEELING ABOUT ALL OF THIS FROM THE BEGINNING. FIRST VIKARE AND NOW SOME LAST MINUTE EMERGENCY? IT'S SUSPECT AS SHIT.
TA: iit ii2 pretty 2hady but maybe iit'2 a 2torm or 2omethiing that'2 goiing to change where we're landiing or 2hiift the date2
TA: giiven that ii'm goiing ii'm kiind of on edge here but
TA: ii don't know, ii'm not even 2ure where ii wa2 goiing wiith that
CG: I CAN'T SEE THAT I CAN DO ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT GRILL GAMZEE WHEN HE GETS BACK.
TA: ii'll try two catch dave
CG: OKAY, OKAY THAT'S A PLAN.
CG: ALSO, I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE SWORN TO SOME OFFICIAL LEVEL OF FUCKING SECRECY OR WHAT HAVE YOU ABOUT THIS WHOLE MISSION, BUT YOU STILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO. YOU'RE NOT AN ENLISTED SAILOR YET, YOU'RE LIKE JADE, YOU CAN REFUSE A CONTRACT IF IT SEEMS WRONG.
CG: JUST LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, PLEASE?
TA: ii'll defiiniitely a2k que2tiion2, ii want two know what'2 goiing on two
TA: al2o not iin favour of dyiing iin 2ome 2huttle explo2iion
CG: DON'T JOKE ABOUT THAT, FUCKSTICK
TA: yeah yeah hate you two, thii2 conversatiion never happened etc
TA: my traiin ii2 here
CG: OK, BE CAREFUL.
CG: AND FIND OUT THINGS FROM DAVE, AND I MEAN REAL INTEL AND NOT LIKE HOW NICE HIS ASS IS OR SOMETHING.
TA: ii'm vaguely traumatii2ed about dave'2 a22, he went on one of hii2 tangent2 about how great hii2 own a22 ii2
TA: iif you know what the appropriiate re2pon2e ii2 two that let me know
CG: JESUS DAVE, WHY? I'M NOT EVEN SURPRISED THOUGH. ANYWAY, INTERROGATE HIM ABOUT RELEVANT THINGS AND GET YOUR TRAIN.
TA: ii've been on iit for a whiile now
CG: SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
TA: <3<

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You close out of that chat, ignoring the slew of messages Karkat’s pinging you with afterwards. You also remember once when you were younger and you’d sent him a spade sarcastically because he was being an asshole and he got so mad about it he bit his palmhusk and splintered the screen.

“I think this work thing’s a big deal, Gamzee and Aradia are missing too. See?” you say, showing Hal their status on your palmhusk.

“Shit, that’s unsettling. I hope it’s nothing unfixable, maybe the mission’s getting fiddled with or something.” Hal says quietly.

The silence between you and Hal is heavy and even after you load up your food into the mini fridge in a game of food tetris you still feel off.

“I guess I’d better pack, I was hoping I’d have Dave to help.” you say quietly.

“Better to get a start on it I guess.” Hal suggests.

Normally you’d hope for Hal’s company with this but neither you nor Hal are the best company at the moment so you get started packing on your own. First you get your repair kit packed up, going back a few times to add in things that aren’t technically standard but you know that you’ll wind up needing. You put in cables and chargers for all the things you’ll need and backups as well. You snag Mituna’s decoder ring and rummage through your things for a while until you realise that you don’t actually have a necklace chain anywhere. At a loss for what else to do you hunt down a pair of pyjama pants that you’re not taking and pull the drawstring out of that, it’s not pretty but it ties around your neck just fine and that’s all you need for now.

Your cold weather gear is all packed up the way Dave put it away after that whole ice survival training you had to endure. Between training in that awful climate and having to deal with watching Dave strip again as well as helping you into your suit which involved him being right up close to you and putting his hands on you that day was a lot to deal with. Honestly you’re probably lucky that you only caught feelings for Dave now, if you were a teenager and dealing with this you’d probably have said something stupid and let him know how you feel by now.

Your door’s been open this whole time and Dave still isn’t here, you’re pretty sure you need his help to know what to pack. Ordinarily if Dave was gone and you needed help on this you might ask Aradia since you’re back on speaking terms. Or at least back on ‘her cornering you in a locker room and earnestly begging you to listen to this music’ terms. Aradia’s unavailable as well though so you’re kind of at a loose end.

Without much real thought you get up to go find Hal, his door’s open so you just poke your head around it to see that he’s doing not much of anything on his husktop. He looks up and sees you loitering at his doorway.

“Nervous?” he guesses.

“Something like that. Just uneasy about this whole thing.” you admit.

“Because it’s a dangerous space mission or because of Dave?” Hal asks and leans back in his chair to look at you.

“I’m a little worried about him getting called away like this last minute.” you say, glancing to the front door that outrageously refuses to suddenly produce Dave.

“Ah, you meant you’re concerned for him.” Hal says.

“As opposed to…?” you ask.

“I thought you might be nervous about having to spend weeks and weeks stuck with him on a mission, basically attached at the hip and not in the way you want. Also doing all that without him finding out that you want his dick.” Hal explains.

“Shockingly I was thinking about his well being, not his dick.” you tell Hal flatly.

Honestly you’ve tried to avoid thinking anything you shouldn’t, aside from just appreciating how he looks and how much you enjoy his company whether that be positively or infuriatingly, you’ve tried to avoid getting too deep into thinking about him like that. Like, sure, sometimes you’re up close to him and all of the pity filled parts of your mind tell you how nice he looks, or you get the urge to kiss him. That’s out of your control. What is in your control is actively daydreaming about any of that. Like how he’s not a troll but you’re an adult with the internet, you know how naked human guys look, you could imagine what Dave looks like naked but you’ve tried to not do that.

“Ok, the pause after me saying that went from comedic timing to can you please not think that hard about my younger brother’s dick when I’m mid conversation with you, please?” Hal says emphatically.

“I was thinking about how I don’t think about it.” you say defensively.

“Oh, sure. I believe you, millions wouldn’t.” Hal snorts.

“Look, the Dave thing… it’s a non-issue. I’ve no intention of telling him because I don’t want to break him and Jade up, I know how much that sucks and I’m not passing that on to other people. I can work with him fine, we’re friends. Yeah, maybe spending all that time up close to him on this mission is going to be tough with that but that’s my problem not his and I can handle it.” you sigh.

Hal makes a thoughtful sound and rests his feet on his desk as he considers whatever it is and then looks at you once more.

“I think Dave’s actually a pretty perfect person for you to get feelings for.” he says.

“Really? Because it’s hugely inconvenient for me.” you say flatly.

“No, no, think about it. You’re fresh out of a pretty devastating breakup, you got your heart kicked in the ass but eventually you’ve got to pick yourself up and move on. People have rebounds all the time, but they’re not exactly healthy or entirely ethical for the person you’ve rebounded onto. All the same a rebound is like training wheels for your heart, you relearn how to have those feelings for someone new.” Hal explains.

“Okay…?” you say, waiting for him to go on.

“So there’s Dave, you’ve been friends for years or at least in the same circle of friends. Dave’s pretty easy to get on with and because of your situation you end up being around him all the time. He cares about your problems, tries to help because he’s a good guy. Also he’s a Strider so naturally he’s attractive, we all are, family of 10s across the board.” Hal says with a smug little smile.

“And so modest.” you say as sarcastically as you can manage, though you know Hal will still take that as sincerity just for the sake of his own ego.

“I know. Anyway your hot, nice, longtime friend who you live with is now someone you have to work with. Now, see, I can anticipate your argument. But Hal, you might say, I’ve been friends with you for years and you are also the best and unbearably hot.” Hal says, his voice switching to a shitty imitation of yours.

“It is like a witch has stolen my voice and thoughts.” you say as insincerely as possible.

“Please, try to restrain yourself. Naturally if you caught feelings for me there’d be a problem about what to do with that since we’re both single. Potential lost friendship, heartbreak, so many more emotions.” Hal goes on.

“Ah yes, ‘lost friendship’ the most famous of emotions.” you agree with a nod.

“Hush. However, with Dave there’s no such problem. You can get a crush on him and relearn how to have red feelings for someone who isn’t Aradia without the pressure of ever having to do anything about that because he’s already taken.” Hal says.

Despite the insane ramblings around it there is an idea in there.

“There’s probably some part of that which makes sense, but I think a lot of it is because he’s Dave. I don’t think this would have happened if I’d… I don’t know, if I’d moved in with June and your Dad I don’t think I’d have got a crush on June. No offence to your sister or anything but I like stuff about Dave that’s Dave specific. I also… hate stuff about him that’s Dave specific. It’s kind of a mixed deal right now.” you admit and you see Hal’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“I’m not nervous about this because my self control around him is hanging by a thread or anything. Do I like the idea of kissing him? Yeah. Am I going to lose my thinksponge, self restraint and respect for him and actually do that? No. Also… I’m reasonably sure that if Dave did find out about me having feelings he’d either be an adult about it or act like he did with Karkat when we were younger.” you tell him.

Hal grimaces a little at that and you figure that he was exposed to that whole ordeal just as badly, if only from the other side. That whole crush had an area of effect mortification curse on everyone anywhere near those two. You’re well aware that their bio-parents weren’t exactly okay with people not being straight as Rose often delighted in FINALLY being allowed to be openly human gay. But Karkat having feelings for Dave became a whole thing which was only exacerbated by Rose pointing out how there was nothing wrong with it all while Dave denied that any of it was happening and Karkat trying to explain quadrants and feelings to Dave like he’d never heard of any of them.

“I guess it’s good that you got feelings for Dave now and not then, it would have been awkward if you both liked him at once.” Hal says with a wince.

“It’s hilarious that you think that Karkat ever got over that. He did not. Karkat doesn’t really get over feelings for people, he just has a collection for them or something.” you snort.

“Does that not bother you?” he asks curiously.

“Nope.” you say simply.

“Really? Like say he and Jade broke up and Dave swooned into Karkat’s arms, you’re saying you’d be totally fine with them making out with…” Hal trails off for a moment as THAT mental image plays in high definition across the whole inside of your thinkpan.

“Thanks. For that.” you grumble.

“I’ve been told before to not ask questions I’m not prepared to get answers on but here we are.” Hal says despairingly.

“I think I’m going to go finish packing my bags and continue distinctly not thinking about that.” you agree.

Hal waves you off so you return to your block and make another sweep of your things. You do not think about what it’d look like for Karkat to kiss Dave, you don’t imagine any of the details of that. Like, if you’re even able to see this in this situation you’re not imagining are they then ok for you to be there? Are you there by design?

Do not imagine this, do not pass go, do not collect $500.

You’re halfway tempted to contact some of the people on Dave’s little crew that he introduced you to but you figure you’ll hold back on that. What remains of your evening is frittered away in absently reading more manuals and experimenting with Squarewave’s ability to process language. Hal calls it a night but you stay awake, fully determined to be there when Dave comes back just so that you can ask him what the hell is going on.

It’s not as if you’re a stranger to all nighters but when you’re stretched out on a comfortable loungeplank reading manuals on your tablet you end up drifting off. You’re fully ready to blame Hal for the direction your subconscious takes because your dreams are about Dave. At first it’s innocuous, you dream that you’re working on something on this planet that you’re on, he sees you fixing it and looks at you like you’ve impressed him. There’s something entirely pitch in how you want to prove yourself to Dave but the way you imagine kissing him is purely red.

In your dream it’s a gentle kind of kiss, like it’s your first and neither of you is certain about it. You don’t know what he likes or what he wants, it’s all new. He’s as warm as you are but there’s little differences that you notice, his skin is softer than yours with that mammal hair making him seem even more so. But not at his jaw, it’s a little rougher there.

It’s not the kiss that has your bloodpusher aching in longing. Not that you’re not a fan of making out with someone, that’s great and all. And it’s not that you don’t want to kiss Dave because you definitely do. The thing that really gets you is how when you kiss Dave he holds onto your clothes as if he wants to keep you close, because he wants you back. Because it’s not just a kiss that you want, it’s him.

Your front door opening is enough to jar you from your subconscious pining for Dave and you get your eyes open just as he steps into the hive. He jumps when you move, his hands jolting up from his sides like he has to defend himself.

“Dave?” you croak, your throat dry from probably sleeping with your mouth open or something.

“Fuck, you… you startled me.” Dave exhales.

“You’re only just getting back? It’s… it’s four am.” you mumble, checking your palmhusk for the time.

“I know, we’ve only got a few hours until we’ve got to get going. I need to pack, you… I need to help you pack.” Dave says, the exhaustion clear in his tone.

You stand up and get a good look at him in the dim light of the main room, you’d left a lamp on low but it must be on some kind of dimming timer to save power because it’s barely illuminating anything. Certainly where Dave’s standing it’s not doing much, it’s more directing light down where you were laid out.

Looking at Dave it’s plain that he’s exhausted, far more so than the late hour would suggest. He’s stressed and tired, you don’t need full light to see that. You step a little closer to him, going around the coffee table to get there.

“Are you ok? What happened?” you ask him softly.

Dave shakes his head and averts his gaze from you, he tiredly runs a hand through his already messed up hair and you wonder if he’s been doing that for hours.

“I packed what I could, is the mission still on? What’s going on?” you ask again.

“It’s still on, we need to pack. Let’s get you done first.” Dave says.

He moves past you and into your block through the still open door. With a backhanded swipe he turns your light on and kneels on the ground by your things.

“Dave, what happened? What’s going on?” you ask him once again, he doesn’t seem to listen but when you reach out and touch his shoulder he goes still.

You sit on the edge of your bed and gently pull on his shoulder so he straightens up and looks at you, you don’t have to ask him again.

“Some… something happened. I can’t tell you about it. The mission had to change a little but it’s still going on, it’s just riskier now.” Dave says quietly.

“Riskier how?” you press him, you need more than that.

Dave opens his mouth but nothing comes out until a yawn overtakes him.

“You should sleep.” you remind him.

“Can’t. Gotta pack you and then me and- I need to ask you if you even want to go.” Dave says.

You’re not sure what to say to that, but Dave goes on. He turns a little more to face you but when he speaks it’s like he’s either addressing your ribcage or your knees, like he can’t quite bring himself to look you in the eye.

“You said no hoofbeastshit, so. I’m still going, I don’t really get a choice and I’m not a good person to ask like if I was in your shoes would I go because I’ve never had that choice. I can tell you that we’ve done all we can to make this work, mathed it all to hell and we both know the stakes here… wait.” Dave glances at your open door.

You psionically hit the button and shut it, Dave relaxes slightly.

“You know what happens if we don’t go and I know that sounds manipulative as fuck but I can’t pretend it’s not real and it’s not a fair thing to ask but I promised I’d look out for you and it’s not as safe as it was when you agreed. I don’t want to manipulate you into anything, I know what that’s like.” Dave mutters that last part.

Yeah, you know who he doesn’t want to be like.

“That’s not what you’re doing here. Stop going through my stuff for a minute and talk to me here.” you tell him.

“It’s not a free choice if there’s consequences for not doing it.” Dave says, it’s something of a non-sequitur but you get what he means.

You can’t unknow about Skaia and even if Dave isn’t outright going ‘do this or millions die’ it’s still an outcome from some choices you could make.

“Then all choices aren’t choices, everything has consequences. That’s, I don’t know, the linear nature of time and causality or something. You’re not threatening me or any of the Carapacians, it’s just I know the stakes here. I don’t think you’d send me into some meat grinder of a situation and given that only certain people know about the Carapacians I think if it was certain death we’d just be told to shut up and we’d skip the whole thing entirely. So, there’s got to be good odds, right?” you ask.

“They’re worse than before.” Dave tells you.

“Okay, but is it so bad that if everyone makes it back alive you’d be shocked?” you ask.

Dave hesitates, which doesn’t fill you with confidence.

“If everything goes to plan, if all the things we can control go off fine, then it’ll be fine. Actually we can even comfortably deal with a certain amount of things not going totally to plan, they did all the math. Also if it sells you on the whole thing Gamzee’s not coming anymore.” Dave smiles a little weakly at that last part.

“Although you know I’m always a fan of being hundreds of thousands of miles away from Gamzee, I'm not taking that distraction bait. Can you tell me what changed?” you ask Dave who mutely shakes his head.

“Alright.” you say, there’s not a lot you can actually do about that.

“Are you sure you still want to go?” Dave asks you and you nod, you can’t not go given what you know.

Dave’s expression twitches for a moment and you’re about to ask if there’s something wrong with him until he yawns so hard you’re a little worried he might dislocate something.

“Look, stuff needs to get packed but it doesn’t have to be flight ready yet, right? So just tell me everything I need or give me a list if you have it. Your dad left you food and made us promise that you’d eat it, so eat that and let me pack.” you insist.

“I might… have a checklist from when I first started.” Dave mumbles and pulls his palmhusk out to sort through his files.

It takes him a few minutes but he eventually finds what he’s looking for and shoots the list over to you.

“Great, go heat your food up and come back.” you tell him.

Dave does as you say, probably because he’s both incredibly hungry from missing dinner and tired from whatever he’s been doing with all these secrets all night. For your part you decide to settle for good enough and go through the list, stuffing things you need in wherever you can get it in your bag, even having to resort to using a second bag to get all of it in. You had most of it done by yourself beforehand which is pretty reassuring.

Dave sits on your bed and sleepily eats his much delayed meal, mostly in silence. When you’re done you turn to him to see him setting the dish off to the side.

“Come on, your turn. Then you can sleep without worrying about having to get up to do things. I’ll help you pack, more hands less work, right?” you tell him, maybe at least with this you can repay him a little for how helpful he was when you had to move out.

Dave agrees with a tired nod and the two of you leave your block and immediately turn right back around to go into his since you’re right next to each other. Since Dave knows where his things are he just passes them off to you as you do probably a sub par job at getting it all packed away efficiently. You only look up when Dave pauses in handing you things, he’s facing his wardrobe and shelves but he’s looking at a small black box in his hands.

You feel like you’ve just swallowed a block of ice, you’ve already been to one human wedding, is this about to be another?

“I should… probably pack this.” Dave says slowly but as he turns you see that the box isn’t quite the shape you’d expect from a ring, it’s a little flatter and wider.

“What is it?” you ask, trying to keep your voice neutral and politely interested.

“Me and Jade are- it’s gonna be ten years when we’re down there. She’s going to be ages away but I got her this.” Dave says, sitting on his bed and opening the box so you can see.

It’s a necklace, a polished black and silver stone set in gold hanging from a smooth gold chain. Not a ring at all.

“The rock, it’s just a rock, it's nothing fancy, but it was from my first mission. I just picked it up and took it back, and the gold was from a hunk of ore that I got to keep from her first one. I thought it was cool but… the guy making it for me was human- I mean he still is obviously. Anyway, he was like oh are you sure you don’t want a riiiing?” Dave drags the word out in imitation of the jeweler’s unsubtle hint.

“I guess I can see why he’d ask, seeing as it’s a human thing.” you say carefully.

“Yeah, I know.” Dave mutters and snaps the box shut again.

“My parents got married just before I was born, it wasn’t exactly a good thing or for a good reason. I know Jade would like it but I don’t like the whole idea. Happy for Dirk and all but it’s not the same for them as it is for me. Kind of soured the whole thing, even this.” Dave tosses the box into his open bag a little bitterly.

“Hey,” you say softly as you arrange the box in the bag properly, “fuck societal expectations. So what if you’re human and humans are ‘supposed’ to get married. If you don’t want to then don’t. Even if me and Aradia hadn’t broken up we never would have and that didn’t mean it meant anything less. Fuck someone working on commission to sell you some special ring. I’ve… I’ve seen you with Jade, I know you care about her.”

“I do, I love her so much.” Dave says softly.

It doesn’t actually hurt to hear him say that. Jade’s great, she’s smart and gorgeous and funny. The way she talks about Dave tells you just how much she loves him back. They deserve each other and you’re not really bitter about it, you’d be a downgrade for sure.

“So if being married isn’t a thing you want then who cares? If Dirk wants to do it despite whatever happened with your family and you…” you pause as a thought hits you.

“What?” Dave asks.

“You said your parents got married just before you and Rose were born?” you ask.

Dave nods, seemingly curious about where you’re going with this.

“Then how come Hal, Dirk and Roxy have the same last name as you. Isn’t that how it works with humans normally? You get married, get your name changed, kids have that last name? Or did they change it at the same time? Or did your mom not change her name or-” you’re trying to puzzle this out but Dave laughs a little.

“Technically,” Dave says very insincerely, “technically the triplets are only my half siblings, since they never had a father listed on their birth certificate. TECHNICALLY when Bro married Mom before me and Rose were born he ‘adopted’ them.”

You squint at Dave, that sounds like shit but you’re not sure what part is wrong exactly.

“They’re my full siblings. It’s just my Mom wasn’t big on professional ethics in any shape or form. Specifically in this case don’t fuck your research assistants so they’ll do unethical shit for you, especially when you’re the guy’s boss and he’s-” Dave stops talking as the light above you both suddenly blows, plunging you both into darkness.

Dave sighs like this is all a big inconvenience, muttering something to himself in Spanish as he opens what sounds like his bedside drawer and takes something out.

“Stay there, I’m gonna replace it.” Dave says and the bed creaks a little and as your eyes adjust to the dark slightly you think you see him stand up.

“Does this happen a lot?” you ask in alarm.

“Yeah, I think it’s kind of sensitive. Don’t move, ok?” Dave reminds you and you feel him shift and there’s a creak from his desk.

With your mental picture of the room you think he’s standing with one foot on his bed and the other on his desk, you’re a little worried he might slip so you psionically reach out to try to find him.

“Whoa! Dude, did you just psionically goose me?” Dave yelps.

“I have no idea what that means, I’m a little worried you’re going to fall.” you say.

There’s a momentary buzz and then the room is lit up again, Dave tosses the old bulb in the trash without even looking and kicks off of his desk to sit down on his bed again.

“Anyway, Bro was actually biologically the father for all five of us. That’s the answer to that tangent.” Dave says and then seemingly remembers that he was packing and goes back to his wardrobe.

If you’re keeping track around the Dave tangent pathway you’re pretty sure he missed out on explaining exactly why his parents getting married soured the idea for him and why that didn’t apply to Dirk but you think that this time you’re fine to let him avoid the topic. It seems personal and you’re not going to push him about something like that.

You help Dave pack the last few things he has to pack and it’s getting to the point where you’ll about manage to get a longish nap instead of any real sleep. Honestly you’re pretty glad you caught a little sleep after the spa and a little before Dave got home.

“Oh! I nearly forgot!” Dave gasps and leans past you to reach under his bed for something.

He pulls out a box that has a very specific shape, you’re pretty sure it’s a violin.

“I’ve never heard you play.” you say as he sits up with the case in hand.

“Ah, it’s electric so unless I want it to make noise it’s pretty quiet.” Dave explains.

It’s probably rude to just ask him to play you something simply because you’re curious but you think he can tell that you want to ask.

“Want me to play something?” he offers, his fingers already on the catch to the case.

“Sure, I’m kind of curious.” you admit.

Dave flashes you a smile and opens the case. Like he said the instrument is hollow, just an outline almost and ever so shallow. The only parts with any real bulk are the neck and strings. You watch as Dave’s graceful fingers wrap around the neck of the violin and lift the instrument to his shoulder as his other hand plucks the bow from the case.

“Me and Rose used to share lessons as a kid, cultural music and all that but we play pretty different stuff. She’s more gothic and haunting with her tastes.” Dave explains and taps something on the frame of the violin that makes it light up.

“That makes sense for her.” you snort.

Dave drags a note and goes into a fast paced melody that you recognise immediately. There’s been about a billion different versions of that old Earth game but the thing that stays constant is the music and you know it end to end, it’s the tetris music. Dave can tell that you recognise it and grins at your clear excitement and when he gets to the end he does that quiet little laugh that’s barely more than a breath.

“That’s actually really really cool. You know that by heart?” you ask.

“I know most things by heart, I don’t really play from music.” Dave says as he puts the instrument away again.

“Do you play some of the stuff that Aradia gave me?” you question him curiously.

“Depending on exactly what recordings she gave you, some of the times when you hear violins or guitar in there it might be me playing. I’m not sure exactly when the files she gave you were from.” Dave says, clicking the violin case shut.

“I’ll have to listen again then. I should probably go and sleep though because we’ve got to get up in…” you grab your palmhusk to check the time.

“About an hour.” Dave sighs.

“Right.” you sigh, just as despondent.

You get to your feet and tell Dave you’ll see him soon. Honestly you don’t even bother changing because it’ll just cut into precious sleeping time and from what Dave’s told you about quarantine there’s pretty comfy living quarters there so you can shower and change into the clothes you packed when you get there.

When you wake up you kind of wish you hadn’t gone to sleep, you’ve done that thing where you slept just the right amount to somehow be far more tired than if you’d just stayed awake. You slap at your palmhusk to silence its alarm and roll face down into your pillow as you consider where your life went wrong to lead you to this particular situation. Eventually though you have to breathe so you push yourself upright and scrub at your face with your hands.

Psionically you lift your things up from the ground and shamble out into the main room. Dave is sat on the sofa lacing up his boots as Hal seemingly lectures him.

“-without a word? We were concerned, Dad was and you didn’t even message him.” Hal says with firm disapproval in his tone.

“I’m a grown ass adult, I can’t step out of an emergency top security meeting to call my Dad. I’m gonna see him in a minute anyway and I’ll say sorry. I ate the food.” Dave sighs.

“What could be so important anyway that you couldn’t even message?” Hal asks.

You look past him to Dave, catching his eye for just a moment and ducking back into your block. He probably doesn’t need an audience for this particular argument/conversation so you’ll give him a little privacy. Besides which you have a conversation you need to get back to.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: ii am 2tupiid level2 of 2leep depriived riight now but ii talked two dave la2t niight, he diidn't 2ay what the deal wa2 but ii thiink he 2aiid gamzee ii2n't goiing anymore.
CG: I WAS JUST GOING TO TROLL YOU ABOUT THAT.
CG: GAMZEE SAID THAT HE'S BEEN PULLED OFF OF THE MISSION, SOMETHING ABOUT SENDING MORE ENGINEERING TYPES INSTEAD.
TA: that 2eem2 pretty odd, iif they had more people liike that then why weren't they comiing before?
CG: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. IF THEY WERE DESPERATE ENOUGH TO PULL YOU IN WHY WOULD THEY BENCH OTHER TECHNICAL PEOPLE?
CG: NO OFFENCE.
TA: thank2
TA: but ii get what you mean, it's weiird...
TA: he diidn't tell you why or even why they called them all iin for the biig meetiing iin the fiir2t place?
CG: WELL, I DID ASK, BUT HE WAS PRETTY STRESSED AND I GOT... SIDETRACKED?
TA: iit'2 not liike you're a 2tranger two tangent2, wa2 he refu2iing two talk or 2omethiing?
CG: NO, NOT EXACTLY.
CG: LOOK, YOU GET WEIRD WHEN I TALK ABOUT PALE STUFF BETWEEN ME AND HIM IN ANY DETAIL. CAN I JUST SAY NEITHER OF US WAS IN A POSITION TO HAVE AN ESPECIALLY COHERENT CONVERSATION AND THEN WE FELL ASLEEP?
TA: oh, gro22. tell me le22
CG: YOU ASKED!
CG: I'D ASK NOW BUT WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO GO TO MEET ALL OF YOU.
TA: yeah yeah
TA: iit'2 not liike ii'm leaviing the 2hiip for a whiile yet 2o iif you manage to not 2woon iintwo hii2 embrace for fiive miinute2 you can tell me what he say2
CG: I COULD POINT OUT THAT YOU COULD GET MORE INFORMATION OUT OF DAVE IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT YOU'VE GOT FEELINGS THERE.
TA: you can't get out of 2ayiing that you diidn't 2ay 2omethiing by ju2t goiing 'ii could 2ay' and then 2ayiing the thiing
TA: and iit'2 not about my feeliing2, thank2, iit'2 ju2t when he actually want2 two keep 2omethiing 2ecret he'2 hard two get through

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

You’ve been talking to Karkat since you were a little kid, now that you’re an adult you’re reasonably able to look at a conversation and your own emotional state and you’re able to cut yourself off before you say something hurtful. Well, about half of the time anyway. The point is that you’re tired and Karkat was already mentioning his pale activities with Gamzee (ugh) and then him poking you about your feelings for Dave is all just a recipe for disaster.

Seemingly a master of timing Dave chooses that moment to open your door and lean into your block.

“Ready to go?” he asks, probably more as a formality since he saw you taking your things out.

You nod and leave your block. Hal looks a little less irked now, which you’re grateful for. You’d sooner not be in the middle of a family fight, although maybe it says something about how close Dave is with his siblings that this is the first disagreement you’ve see him have with any of them that isn’t vague bickering about who has the remote control or taking too many snacks when you’re all watching a movie.

Dave grabs his things and you psionically pick yours up as well. Normally you’d consider it training or whatever but you’re too tired right now.

“Don’t get him killed or maimed or anything, he’s the only person I work with that I can stand.” Hal reminds Dave.

“And you’re, you know, friends.” Dave says as he opens the front door.

Without missing a beat both you and Hal immediately dissolve into noises of disgust.

“Friends? We’re not friends, I beat him up for lunch money.” you tease.

“We’re not friends, I summoned him from hell. I drew a pentagram on the ground and laid out-” Hal starts.

“Yeah, name five things about me, asshole.” you snort.

Dave rolls his eyes and closes the front door now that you’re all outside. Clearly Hal is going to name five things that would theoretically summon you.

“I drew a pentagram and in each point I placed, a ~ATH coding manual, coffee, a pile of ‘2’ keys taken from the keyboards of people who make stupid complaints.” Hal starts.

“Oh, I like that last one.” you grin.

“A flash drive sealed in resin that contains that one virus that fucked over Karkat’s system and several other people’s systems before I caught it, the one that got Sollux hired for his job in the first place. Then finally some over confident teenager insisting they’re the best at some game, that one serves as both bait to summon Sollux and also the blood sacrifice to manifest him on our plane of reality.” Hal finishes.

“I think that’d do it.” Dave says after a moment or two.

“It would. Hey, if we get stuck on this planet or they leave me behind just do that and I’ll appear somehow.” you snicker.

“Don’t… don’t joke about that.” Dave says with a shudder.

Right, sailors, superstitious or something. You shoot Hal a look and get the impression that he’s not all that bothered about your joke at all.

“The whole quarantine thing has always seemed so weird,” Hal says in an effort to move the conversation on, “I understand not seeing you when you’re off on an adventure on another planet but it seems so dumb when I can message you and you’re just twenty minutes away at the bottom of the ship. I get why you have to do it, it’s just always so weird.”

“I guess for me it just felt like when me and Aradia were on opposite shifts, because she’d still be doing work so I could still contact her.” you say thoughtfully.

“Yeah, the science types mostly have to get on with work and just show up to the occasional meeting. For you it’ll just be more training probably. You might be doing some of it with my crew instead of me, it depends how much stuff I get roped into.” Dave says with a sigh.

Oh, so whatever this problem is there’s a chance that it’s ongoing or requires more of his time going forward. That’s interesting. Entirely unhelpful given the little that you know now but it’s interesting.

To be fair the journey down to the quarantine area isn’t unusual for you. You’d always go see Aradia off and then you’d go to the actual launch as well whenever she went away, even though for that part you’re always separated by several panes of glass. You’ve even been there with Hal before. Since Dave’s family always goes to see him, Jake and Jade off and you always went for Aradia it just ended up being something you were there for. Hell, when it was the actual launch and it was a trip that Aradia was going on you’d be there with Karkat as you watched your respective quadrants be launched off to some planet.

This time you’re going to be on the other side of the glass.

Sure enough when you get there the scene is familiar. Dave is immediately swarmed by his giant family, including Dirk who takes a break from clinging to his now husband. You catch sight of the Captain although she’s a little way off talking to Nepeta and Polypa. Aradia is lingering off to the side and you catch her eye without meaning to. You wave a little weakly and she smiles back.

“Hey,” Hal says as he gently punches your arm, “stay safe, ok?”

“I’ll try. When I’m freezing my globes off on that planet you can sit back in the warm office and think of me.” you say flatly.

“Oh, I will. Maybe I’ll send you a bunch of messages as it comes up about how nice and warm I am so you get them all the moment you get back on the ship’s network.” Hal says mischievously.

“Do it, coward.” you goad him.

“SOLLUX!”

You turn around at the sound of Karkat’s well projected voice, you’d know that voice anywhere. You don’t see Karkat anywhere in the crowd but you do see Gamzee towering over most people, he’s certainly seen you if the look on his face is anything to go by. You nearly choke laughing as Karkat suddenly appears above the crowd by literally climbing Gamzee, he spots you and yells your name again before jumping off of Gamzee and presumably elbowing his way through the crowd towards you.

“I remember seeing Karkat around you guys when you were in school and I remember thinking he’d be less weird when he grew up but no.” Hal mutters.

“Oh, well there’s your answer. He didn’t grow up.” you say, holding your hand around the lower height that Karkat currently is.

“There you are!” Karkat says loudly as he pushes past a few people, including Jade who turns around and scowls at him.

“Ow, Karkat!” she says pointedly.

“Oh. Uh, sorry.” Karkat apologises hastily.

“He didn’t mean it.” Gamzee adds, having sailed slowly through the parting Karkat had forced through the crowd.

“I didn’t want you to leave without me getting to say goodbye. I know you’ll only be in quarantine for a while but still.” Karkat explains.

“You didn’t have to.” you say, you honestly hadn’t expected him to come to see you off to what’s basically just another bit of the ship you’re already on.

“No, shut up.” Karkat retorts and then grabs you in for a hug.

You hug him tight for a moment, trying not to look at Gamzee even though you can all but feel the pressure of his gaze on you. Karkat’s your friend, you can hug your friend.

“Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” Karkat says as he pulls away from you.

“Your faith in me is so sweet.” you reply flatly.

“Gamzee!” Dave calls out and you look over to see him heading quickly to Gamzee.

“Hey.” Gamzee says with a nod, he’s standing next to Aradia and Jade so you and Karkat both get to see Dave head over there.

“Did Gamzee say why he wasn’t going? Did you get a better answer out of him?” you ask in a whisper and Karkat shakes his head.

“Everything good?” Dave checks.

“Yeah. Just tired. Was your old man ok with everything?” Gamzee asks.

“Oh, right! You said you were called out last night, you must have missed your dad’s dinner! That’s got to be a first.” Jade exclaims.

“Yeah, I did. I’ve already grovelled a bunch but I think he’s just sad that I missed it. His food microwaved just isn’t the same. It’s all good though.” Dave says with a nod.

“Did I tell you that Dave was at my place alone? Talking to Gamzee.” Karkat says so quietly you almost don’t catch it.

“No. I’m telling you there’s something weird with the four of them. Dave’s been pretty clear that it’s not dangerous to me but I don’t know what it is.” you whisper back.

That’s not entirely true. Whatever has changed has definitely made things more dangerous but not for you specifically and not so dangerous that the mission’s not going to go on. You trust that if this was pretty likely to kill you Dave would tell you at least that much.

“But Gamzee’s not going on the mission now, I don’t know about Fozzer.” Karkat says with a frown.

A buzzer cuts your thoughts off, you know this one. Everyone who’s going into quarantine has to go in now, it’s time to say goodbye. Normally you’re the one hugging Aradia to say goodbye, giving her a kiss because you wouldn’t get to for a while, but not this time. It’s all really strange.

“Look, whatever it is, just keep messaging me. Ok? Stay safe.” Karkat insists and gives you another rib bruising hug.

“Hey man, we gotta-” Dave was coming over to get you but he’s stopped by Rose who squeezes him tight in a hug.

“Bring me back something cool.” she insists as she leans back to look at him, her arms slung around his neck.

Dave and Rose have never been super physically affectionate twins, but it might just be a Rose thing given that she’s not especially prone to hugging people. You suppose in a time like this she wants to just in case something happens. Her request however seems amusing enough that Dave is clearly struggling to not laugh.

“I’m cool.” he says defensively.

“Try again.” Rose says with a shake of her head.

“I mean, it’s an ice planet. It’s all cool. But if I bring you back ice it’ll melt. Hey, I’ll empty my canteen out right before I leave and fill it with snow for you, you get alien planet water. How about that?” Dave snorts.

“Excellent.” Rose says with a nod and lets him go.

Behind Dave you see Jake pulling away from a forlorn looking Dirk and both of them come over to you.

“I gotta go.” you say to Karkat and psionically pick your stuff up again.

Karkat nods and although he’s looking a little teary eyed he manages to not cry. Your friends who are going on this mission group together and start funneling their way towards the door to the quarantine area. Despite knowing that you’re not going anywhere just yet you can’t help but feel a sense of foreboding as you approach the doors, like this is a divergent path and that if you don’t go through then your life will be one thing but something entirely else if you do.

Of course it’s very likely that if you don’t go through lots of people won’t be alive soon, and what’s worse they’ll know it’s coming.

Pushing your feelings aside you walk with everyone to the door, a staff member who you don’t know scans your ID and waves you in right after Dave.

“See you after we’ve unpacked?” Jade asks Dave.

“Yeah, I don’t know if we’re going to be dragged into meetings or what but definitely at some point after.” Dave agrees.

“I suppose any other way would involve some kind of time travel!” Jake says teasingly from his place in front of Jade.

“Smartypants!” Jade laughs and tries to kick him which only causes a little squabble in the cramped line.

Dave turns so he can reach you and grabs hold of your wrist, making your bloodpusher flutter in ways it has no right to.

“Come on, I know there’s a six room this way. We've had a sixth fill it with us before but now it’ll just be our crew if you’re here but we’ve got to grab it fast!” Dave says and as soon as you have room he pulls you away.

It takes a moment to remember to psionically pull your stuff along with you as Dave leads you away from the crowd that’s spreading out into the room beyond the first doors. You don’t even get much of a chance to see the area before Dave drags you into a room. He pauses as soon as he’s in there, glancing about the place and then quietly hisses ‘yessss’ to himself.

“Got here first.” he says with a grin and tosses his bags on a bed.

Looking around the room there’s six bunks set out one over the other in three pairs. There’s industrial grey metal lockers set about and a decent sized square table in the middle of the room with folding chairs stacked up off to the side. Hardly luxury accommodation but even so everything here looks either well cared for or reasonably new. You put your things on the bunk above Dave’s. The moment you’ve done that Azdaja and Konyyl poke their heads around the open door.

“Oh, you didn’t bring Jade this time?” Konyyl asks teasingly, rubbing her hand in Dave’s hair as she passes.

“No. I definitely learnt my lesson about that, thanks.” Dave huffs.

“He’s mad because we teased him about it and Jade thought it was the funniest thing.” Azdaja explains.

“The utter treason, my own beloved girlfriend.” Dave sniffs.

“Jade would sell you to satan for one corn chip if it was funny enough.” Marsti declares as she walks in, you guess she heard the conversation from outside.

Lanque saunters in after Marsti and Dave turns to look at you, his dark eyes earnest and pleading.

“You wouldn’t betray me like that, would you?” Dave asks dramatically.

You consider this, leaving your expression blank for a second, and then two, before smiling meanly at him. Dave, of course, swoons onto his bunk wailing about how no one in this cruel universe can be trusted etc.

“What are you wearing?” Lanque asks and you turn to see him looking at you.

You look down at yourself for a moment in puzzlement, he can see what you’re wearing as well as you can. What’re you going to do? Explain the concept of a shirt to him?

“This thing.” Lanque says, reaching for Mituna’s ring.

You wrap your hand around it and back up the half step you have available to you before your legs hit Dave’s bunk.

“It was my dancestors.” you tell him sharply.

Lanque seems to consider this for a moment and when he reaches for you again it’s not for the ring in your hand but the string it’s on.

“The way that’s sitting isn’t allowed. Your suit is flush against your chest, something that bulky isn’t allowed. Besides, what is this on? A drawstring? No, if you’re taking something like that you need something different, hold on.” Lanque says and dumps his bag on his bed.

He takes a moment rummaging through his bag before pulling at something and taking it out, it looks like a necklace chain. Lanque looks at it and then you with a displeased pull to his mouth.

“Do you have small pliers?” he asks.

“I… yeah, hold on.” you say, completely thrown.

You float your bag down and pull stuff out, tossing it on your bed until you get to your toolkit. You find a pair of small thin pliers and walk to Lanque to hand them over. He takes them from you but before doing anything he holds the chain up to your neck and wraps it twice, then marks his place with his thumbclaw.

It takes only a few moments for Lanque to remove the slightly larger jumpring from the end of the necklace and place it at his mark and then close it up again.

“Ring.” Lanque says, his hand open.

You take your improvised necklace off and cautiously drop it into his hand, no one’s acted like they expect him to do anything bad here so you’re going to trust him for now. It seems like your trust is not misplaced because Lanque threads the ring on the chain and loops it around your neck twice and fastens it so it sits comfortably at your throat without being so low that the suit would press on it.

Hesitantly you touch the cheap plastic decoder ring, the old ache of losing Mituna rises up a little but it’s dulled under the genuinely nice gesture that Lanque just offered you.

“Thanks.” you say softly.

“Think nothing of it. I would say, though, that gold is a far better colour for you in terms of accessories so when we’re back I’d suggest you looking into a gold chain if you’re going to wear that long term.” Lanque advises you and hands your pliers back.

“I’ll do that, thanks.” you nod.

“You can keep this from whatever thing you got it from.” Lanque adds, pointing at the drawstring you had been using.

Lanque turns his back on you as if your interaction is now complete and you’re somehow dismissed. Still, when you look back at Dave and see him shrug like ‘what can you do?’ you think you’re starting to understand how Dave can think that Lanque is both an asshole but also a good person.

You head back to Dave and look at your stuff with some dismay.

“We have to unpack, right?” you ask, reaching up to your things on the top bunk.

You hear the chime of Dave’s palmhusk and watch as he pulls it out to read whatever message he just received.

“Correction, you have to unpack and I have to go to a meeting.” Dave says with a deep sigh.

He grabs his tablet from his bag and, with a wave of tired goodbye to everyone in the room, he leaves. You’re not really sure what you’re supposed to do but everyone else is unpacking so you figure you’ll do the same. You’re just coming to the end of it when you feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, let me show you around.” Marsti offers in that low and calm voice she has.

“Yeah, I’ve no idea what’s here so that’d be good.” you agree.

Marsti nods and heads towards the door, so naturally you follow her. The hallway that you’re in is a simple thing, the room you just left is on one side and on the other are a few smaller sets of doors.

“So, all the respiteblocks like ours are down this way. Ablutionblocks are there and there and there’s a room just for showers there.” Marsti explains.

“All of the respiteblocks are the size of ours?” you ask her curiously.

“A few are a little smaller but not by much. Konyyl and Azdaja aren’t going to get too cosy up in a block by themselves. Nepeta has a block to herself just so she can take top secret calls but it’s not fancy or anything, the block’s about the size of a big wardrobe if you ask me. We don’t do a lot of fanciness by rank here so don’t worry about that.” Marsti assures you.

“Polypa made it super clear that everyone and everything but the vending machine here outranks me and that if anyone tells me what to do I do it so whatever rank anyone has doesn’t matter to me since it’s above mine.” you snort.

“That’s a silver lining. Okay, we’ve got the mess out here. The nice thing is we can still order from wherever and it just gets sent here so you don’t have to deal with mission food until just before we go. They like to control what you get to eat and drink before we fly.” Marsti tells you as the pair of you come out into a larger area with bench chairs and tables.

“I’m betting there’s someone who’s the reason for that.” you say with a wince.

“Thankfully that happened long before I joined.” she nods.

You look around the room for a moment until Marsti leads you away again, this time it’s towards another hallway with a bunch of numbered doors.

“Any meetings we have are down here. I’m guessing that you’ll probably be with Kuprum for some of these meetings and for training. I’m sure he has things he wants to show you. At the very least I can show you around here.” Marsti says.

“Do you think I could see inside the shuttles? I’ve seen all of the diagrams of them and I know I’m not going to be flying them but I’d feel a little better if I could get a feel of how to fix them in person. Since it’s going to be carrying my body through space at stupid speeds and everything.” you ask.

“Oh, I’m sure you can. Send him a message.” Marsti nods.

You’re curious about what meeting Dave is in down here but Marsti leads you away before you can ask. People are milling around in the main area that Marsti somewhat redundantly explains is the recreation area, you can see the TVs and pool tables for yourself. When you look around you see that Marsti is looking at you instead of at the area you’re in. She doesn’t look away or continue moving on like you’d expect and you suddenly feel very studied.

“Uh?” you say awkwardly, not sure what to do with this woman staring openly at you.

“Do you regret things, Sollux?” she asks you finally.

“Sure?” you answer her uneasily.

“If you had to say, would you say that you regret things that you’ve done in the past or things that you’ve not yet done? Like… avenues that are closed to you. Things you chose not to study, careers you didn’t choose. Do you regret that more or is it things you’ve actually done?” she asks.

“That’s a weird question.” you say but still Marsti seems to be waiting for your answer, so you think a little on it.

“Both. I couldn’t say one more than the other. There’s plenty of things I regret but if I died right now I’m sure there’s lots of things I didn’t get to do yet that’d… I don’t know.” you shrug a little helplessly.

“What about when something bad happens, do you think about what happened or… what do they say? More about what will happen from it?” she asks.

“Both. Again, yeah you want to know why something happened or where you went wrong but if you don’t think about what’s going to happen next you’re just going to be caught off guard by everything. What’s with the weird pop psychology questions?” you ask her in return.

“Just curious. Let me show you the gym.” Marsti says and walks on like that wasn’t the weirdest goddamn thing.

“Do you ask everyone these kind of questions?” you ask her curiously as you hurry to follow along.

“The answers are interesting.” Marsti says.

“And what’re your answers?” you question her, if she’s going to grill you then turnabout is fair play, right?

“I try not to regret things, it’ll eat you if you let it. But people who don’t learn from what’s happened to them usually find it repeated.” Marsti says sagely.

“It’s a balance.” you conclude and Marsti pauses to look at you curiously.

“Exactly. Forget the gym, I want to show you something else.” she says, catching your arm and pulling you along down a different corridor and then another.

You go so far that you’re starting to consider asking her where exactly she’s taking you when you pass a window and stumble to a stop.

“Oh, wow. I’ve never been this close.” you whisper in awe.

Below you through the window you can see the two shuttles that’ll be used for this mission. You’ve seen them before, but only through the far off window that you can see across the way where people gather on launch day. Right now you’re far closer, this must be some maintenance area.

The ships are big, a lot bigger in person than you’d really appreciated from their specifications. They’re white and sleek with panels that are so smooth and almost seamless that you can only tell they’re there because you know how this is put together. This is the vehicle that’s going to take you to a wholly alien world.

“Down here.” Marsti says and pulls you along a little further.

The two of you walk past the shuttles, which takes a little while. Ahead of them is more of the loading area, although from the way you can see the droids moving down there it seems to be all zero g, the ship’s artificial gravity not encompassing that area.

The two of you keep going and just as you’re about to ask where she’s taking you… you see.

You’ve seen the shuttles before on launch day when Aradia’s gone off somewhere, but with all the lights and the flare of the launch you never really see beyond before the outer doors shut. The A’Tuin has no windows, none that you’ve ever seen although you’re sure there are some somewhere. You’ve seen broadcasts of the areas in space that you’re passing, especially footage of whatever planet the sailors are on. But with your own actual ganderbulbs you’ve never ever seen outside.

This window before you looks over the shuttle bay doors, from the outside. Your feet carry you to the edge as you stare wide eyed.

The A’Tuin itself is illuminated in patches by its own lights and the shuttle bay doors are bathed in the glare of floodlights but the rest of the ship that you can see is lit by only the light of the stars beyond. It’s… brighter than you would have imagined. You exhale in awe as you look at the expanse of space beyond this window and your breath fogs the glass because you’re so close.

You can see more stars than you could count if you stood here all day. It’s not just pinpricks of lights like you’ve seen on star charts before or seen in the night sky on movies shot on planets. It’s a swirl of light and colour that you never anticipated.

“I’ve never seen outside before.” you say softly, glancing across to Marsti.

“Yeah, not a lot of windows on the ship.” Marsti agrees and you look back out again.

A thought occurs to you as you look out there.

“I remember this thing from school, how because the universe is so big and light moves so fast that some of the stars out there might not even exist anymore. Or… I guess the odds of stuff not existing anymore is higher that way.” you say, pointing back down the ship in the direction you’re all coming from.

“Yeah, you can look into the past just by looking out.” Marsti agrees.

“Actually, which way is Skaia?” you ask, all of the sailors know why you’re doing this so this is one place that you can actually talk freely about it.

“I’m not entirely sure, actually. Why?” she says with a curious look on her face.

“It’d be kind of interesting to see where we’re going. I’ve never known that much in advance or been able to see but it’d be cool to be able to pick out where we’re going to. Although I guess if we could see that far in detail we’d be watching them in the past.” you say thoughtfully.

“...Interesting. Come on, I should show you other things and not have you stare out there for ages.” Marsti says and reluctantly you let her herd you away.

“Like the gym? Dave did mention that I was supposed to keep training.” you say with a sigh.

“Exactly that. Hey, we’ll go back and get changed and we’ll both go work out. You can try to compete with Konyyl if you like.” Marsti offers as you both walk back the way you came.

“I’m pretty sure Konyyl could bench press me with one finger, I’m not competing against anything physical with her, thanks.” you say flatly.

“Smart man.” Marsti says with a sly smile.

Despite your tiredness you go back to the block with Marsti only to walk in on a competition between Konyyl and Jake, who must have wandered in at some point. The pair of them are blindfolded and assembling guns against a timer.

“A long running competition, Jake beats pretty much everyone.” Marsti explains from the doorway as Azdaja calls time.

Sure enough Jake is the one with a fully assembled gun in his hand, not Konyyl.

“It’s because you have those delicate hands.” she huffs.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jake says and winks at her.

“It wasn’t.” Konyyl mutters but nonetheless as soon as she’s done assembling her gun she reaches across the table to shake his hand.

“Ah, Sollux! I thought I’d come along to see how you’re settling in. Jade’s off doing work and I know Dave’s away so I thought I’d say hello.” Jake says warmly.

That’s actually pretty sweet of him since you don’t really know him all that well, you’re kind of touched.

“Beat you to it, I gave him the tour.” Marsti tells him.

“I got to see the shuttles and outside the ship for the first time. It’s crazy that I’ve never seen that before, you can’t really see out when you’re watching the shuttles go.” you say enthusiastically.

“Really? What did you think of that, then?” Jake asks.

“It was really weird to see the ship from the outside and all those stars, I knew what it’d look like but seeing it was pretty impressive.” you answer him.

You get the weird feeling that everyone is listening to what you say, like that anxious feeling that you can get sometimes where it seems like everyone in the room must be watching you even though the reality is that people just don’t care that much. It’s an odd feeling to get all of a sudden.

“It really is something, and the shuttles are breathtaking when you first see them too.” Jake agrees brightly.

“I’ve seen them before but never that close, they’re so big.” you say, still slightly in awe.

“Oh, trust me when you’re all crammed in there for launch it feels a lot more like a tin of sardines!” Jake laughs good naturedly.

You’re not entirely sure how or why someone would put sardines specifically in a tin and you get one of those moments you have with humans sometimes where you’ve missed some cross species reference or idiom. It’s jarring in a way, often you forget that you’re different species because your present and future are so intertwined but your pasts were separate.

“Since Dave is so busy and he was supposed to be training Sollux-” Marsti starts.

“God, no.” you whine, already knowing where this is from.

“-I thought we could take him out for a spin and see where he’s at fitness wise.” Marsti says with a smile.

To your dismay everyone in the room seems to be in agreement so you’ve got no real choice. If you try to run that’ll definitely just be part of it, and it’s not like your psionics will help you much because you get the feeling that Azdaja is about the same level as you and unlike you, he has training in combat with his psionics. So you’re ushered into getting changed to work out and your whole group drags you down to the gym.

Needless to say you’re the worst at absolutely everything. You’ve made a lot of progress since Dave’s been training you for sure but these guys are professionals at what they do, you’re nowhere near their level. You spend a couple of hours working out and even getting a few actually helpful pointers from Azdaja who is at least your kind of build. You think that troll core muscles might be slightly different than human ones.

Dave’s tried to tell you before to ‘engage your core’ when you’re doing stuff which has only led to you frustratedly snapping that you’re not an apple and you don’t have a fucking core. Azdaja however manages to get the point across by psionically touching the muscles he means through your actual body, you’ve been tensing in entirely the wrong place when you’ve tried to follow Dave’s instructions. And just like that your form for a few things improves. Your pushups are better, you still can’t do all that many at all but they’re better.

Small steps of progress, right?

After you’re released you shower and figure you’ll go find Dave and see what you’re going to do about food. It’s a little early for dinner but you’re goddamn starving. You probably should stop sticking to Dave like a wiggler to their lusus on the first day of schoolfeeding but you’re new here and he’s technically supposed to be looking after you so you’re going to ignore that.

You spot him pretty easily in the recreation room, that white blonde hair stands out pretty sharply amongst all the black troll hair. Still the sight is pretty strange, you walk closer trying not to stare but it’s hard not to.

Dave is asleep by the looks of things, deeply so given how relaxed his whole body looks. He’s slumped over on his side, his face pressed into-

He’s got his face pressed against Aradia’s rumblespheres. One of her legs is thrown over his and her head is hanging off of the back of the loungeplank with the tips of her hair just brushing the floor as she ever so faintly snores. They both look deeply asleep.

It should be weird to see someone else’s face pressed into your ex’s very nice chest, you know it’s great from a good deal of personal experience. You should feel weird about her leg being over him like that, maybe jealous that it’s not you and that you’re not still with her. On the other hand this is your current crush with his face up against someone else in a very intimate way, that ought to make you feel some kind of feeling.

Right now all you’re feeling is that you wish you could be in the middle of this particular pile of deeply hot people that you like an awful lot.

“Don’t mess with them.” Jade warns you, making you jump a foot in the air and hang there with psionics.

Somehow you walked right past her without seeing her. Although you could stand to not pretend like you don’t know how that happened because you know full well you were staring.

“I mean it, I know it looks like it’d be funny but Dave won’t take it well.” Jade adds and you drift down to the floor.

“No, I bet he wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do that.” you say quietly, thinking about the snippets you know of Dave’s past.

A look flickers across Jade’s face and you think she’s realised that you have an idea of why that’d be a shitty thing to do. She nods like the two of you have come to an understanding and relaxes back into the armchair she was sitting on.

“They came out of that big meeting of theirs and sat down talking that then just, woop, melted.” Jade explains with a fun sound effect as she demonstrates with her hands Dave and Aradia’s descent into their current position.

You look at the two of them sleeping there and then realise that this is an opportunity. Not for a mean spirited prank on someone who clearly has issues about being startled thanks to his horrible start in life, no, you have an opportunity to get information.

“Do they go to a lot of meetings?” you ask Jade curiously.

“You’re the one who lives with Dave and used to live with Aradia.” Jade points out, and that’s fair.

“Right, but Aradia does the whole science thing as well and we were on different schedules sometimes so I never really questioned it. It’s just kind of weird, don’t you think? Dave’s just a regular sailor, he’s not super high ranking and Aradia’s a science specialist. Isn’t it weird that they seem to always be in these meetings?” you ask.

“It’s not that strange.” Jade shrugs.

“It is though.” you counter.

Jade rolls her eyes at you and your brilliant comeback.

“Not really. Dave and Aradia are both people people. People person people.” Jade frowns.

“Are you having a thinksponge problem or something?” you ask her.

“Shut up, smartass. I mean both of them get on with people really easily. Not to talk badly about the science team but there are people who go about like the sailors are just hired thinksponge-dead luddites and treat anyone without high level science qualifications like dirt. Dave is good with people and can pass on orders to his crew and Aradia’s a science person who’s good at being a person. They’re happy mediums.” Jade says.

“Well why not you instead of Aradia?” you ask.

“I don’t know. I’m not asking either, I don’t want more meetings.” Jade laughs.

Someone walks past just a little too close to the sofa and Dave bolts upright, suddenly awake. Panic flashes over his face until he realises that nothing is wrong and relaxes. Aradia groans, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“Bluh. I’m hungry. Oh, Sollux, hey.” Dave gives you a tired little wave.

“Hi.” you say, trying to keep any guilt from prying off of your face.

“Do you want to go order dinner with me?” Jade asks, sitting up properly and tucking her phone away.

“Shit, yeah, I could go for dinner.” Dave nods.

Jade stands up and reaches her hand out to Dave, pulling him to his feet. She’s strong enough that she ends up pulling Dave right to her and though Jade giggles like it was an accident you can see that Dave is actually kind of swooned by it. He looks at her with total adoration and affection, he really loves her. It’s like a knife through your bloodpusher.

“Wow, you got a license for those guns?” Dave laughs, flirting with her.

“I do.” Jade laughs and flexes slightly.

Fuck. You like Jade, you do. She’s funny, smart, amazing and athletic. You get what Dave sees in her, she’s got so much to offer. You, on the other hand, feel about an inch tall. Even if Dave would ever be interested in you, why the hell would he be when you’re nowhere near Jade’s level?

“Do you two-” Jade starts to ask, looking over at you and Aradia.

“I’m fine.” you say quickly, you don’t think you have it in you to watch that for a whole meal.

“I just woke up so I’m not hungry yet.” Aradia says and then yawns.

Dave nods and slides his arm around Jade’s shoulders and the two of them walk off. Your pumpbiscuit sinks and you feel like it hits every rib on the way down for how much it hurts. You sit down on the loungeplank and try to remind yourself that it’s your own fault for getting feelings for someone who’s already very much spoken for, you’ve no right to feel bad when you see Dave happy with Jade.

“Ohh.” Aradia says slowly, making you look around in alarm.

You jump a little and whip around to look at her, you’d not forgotten she was there but you’re so used to not having to have your guard up around her that you didn’t consider that she’d see that. Her dark red eyes flick from you to Dave and Jade as they walk off and back to you.

“You’re flush for Dave.” Aradia concludes.

“It’s not-” you start.

“You are.” she interrupts.

“Okay, yes, but that didn’t have anything to do with us. It’s not that.” you insist and Aradia shakes her head.

“Duh, of course not. But now you like him, I know that look. You used to look at me like that before we got together, and Karkat. You want him.” Aradia explains and that’s kind of a punch to the gut.

You don’t know what to say. It’s stupid to deny it, she knows you too well. Aradia looks away from you and back to Dave and Jade who have stopped walking to look at Jade’s palmhusk, presumably at a menu for somewhere. As if you weren’t hurting enough you watch as Dave tucks some of Jade’s hair away from her face and behind her ear.

“I get how you feel.” Aradia says quietly.

“You and Dave?!” you hiss in alarm.

Aradia seems startled by your words but her expression definitely flicks through ‘ew, gross’ before she tries to act natural again. So, not Dave. You look back at Dave and Jade and then at Aradia. Aradia’s been spending time with Jade just like you’ve been… oh.

“You’re flush for Jade.” you whisper and, oh yeah, Aradia’s face goes a little red in the way it only does when you’ve actually flustered her.

You look back at Dave and Jade and briefly enjoy the stupid irony at play here, you two break up and each of you get your hearts stuck on one half of the same couple which leaves you both pretty heartbroken.

“I get it. You’ve got a lot in common, all the science stuff. She’s outgoing and social like you, and she’s illegally hot like you. She’s basically human Aradia.” you say thoughtfully.

“We’re not that alike.” Aradia mutters.

“You’re alike enough that I can see why you’d click. That said, when it comes to you and her I can imagine…” you trail off teasingly and Aradia kicks you semi playfully in the ribs.

“Don’t you imagine anything! Damnit, now you’re making me think about it again.” Aradia groans, her hands over her face.

“Again, huh?” you smirk at her.

“Look, you, I don’t know why you’d imagine that when you broke up with me.” Aradia says and points at you.

“No, no, we grew apart. We fell out of flush, I didn’t stop thinking that you’re gorgeous. I didn’t go blind, AA. I’m not into Jade but I can see she’s hot. Especially because I… don’t measure up. Dave’d never… yeah.” you trail off there unhappily.

“I think you’re selling yourself short there.” Aradia murmurs and moves a little closer to you.

“I’m a lanky, mostly unfit tech nerd and he’s seen me so exhausted from failing all his physical tests that I can’t speak and I’m laid out in a pool of my own sweat. In comparison Jade is beautiful, smart and professionally accomplished, easily fit enough to pass the sailor’s test and they’re about to hit the decade mark of being together. I’d never want them to break up because they deserve to be happy and I’m pretty sure he’s straight anyway. Being able to go ‘actually I’ve got a nice personality’ is for one mostly not true and even if it was not enough in comparison.” you argue.

Even if Dave was into guys, which you’re reasonably sure he’s not based on the conversation you had with Jade about her own sexuality, he’d never be into you over Jade. God, now you’re just depressed about this.

“Me and Dave have been friends for so long, we work really closely and…” Aradia falters for a moment, “I want them both to be happy too.”

“Same. I know how happy she makes Dave and she always seems to be happy around him. I couldn’t do anything to stop that.” you agree.

Aradia looks pained which is something you can relate to.

“Hey,” you say softly, “I missed you.”

Aradia looks away from Jade and Dave and back to you with some surprise on her face.

“I know we talked before but I really have missed you. It’s not romantic pity anymore but I do still love you, AA. You get me and you’re great, I still like being around you especially now it doesn’t hurt so much.” you say quietly.

Aradia smiles softly and rests her head on the back of the sofa, the spiral of her horn dents the soft back of the sofa and you’re struck with a thought that’s in no way new to you. She’s beautiful, you’ve always thought so. It’s weird to feel that without that burn of red pity in your chest, but instead it feels like a fresh appreciation of someone that you still love just now it’s platonic.

“I missed you too.” she says, her voice almost a whisper.

“It sucks about you and Jade.” you offer.

“Yeah…” Aradia sighs.

A silence falls between the two of you for a moment and a thought occurs.

“Why did you give me that music? I don’t understand what I’m meant to get from it.” you ask her in a hushed tone.

You don’t want to get her in trouble if she wasn’t meant to give you that music and from the confrontation she had with Dave you think she was breaking rules.

“I can’t tell you.” Aradia says.

“I’m not gonna tell anyone.” you say, glancing about to see that no one is anywhere near you.

“Just… just learn the words.” she says.

Her palmhusk pings and she checks it with a sigh.

“I have to go.” she says and with that you’re all on your own again.

Despite what you said to Dave you actually are kind of hungry, you just didn’t want to watch him and Jade together. Besides, they’re not going to get to be together for their actual anniversary so the least you can do is give them some alone time before then.

You end up ordering a double burger in and to save you from socialising with anyone you sneak off to that outside window that Marsti showed you and eat there. You could do with talking to someone though, so you troll Karkat.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey what're you doiing? II'm bored and kiind of lonely
CG: ISN'T THERE A SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE?
CG: INCLUDING DAVE?
TA: ye2 but two thing2, one ii'm tryiing two not cliing two hiim liike a wiiggler to theiir lu2u2 on the fiir2t day of 2choolfeediing. and 2econd hii2 mate2priit is here
TA: obviiou2ly he want2 two 2pend tiime wiith her and even though jade ii2 niice enough to iinviite me around them ii don't want two actually get iin the way of that
TA: ii talked to aa for a whiile, whiich wa2 niice actually but then 2he had two go on work 2tuff
CG: IT'S NICE THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE ABLE TO BE FRIENDLY AGAIN AT LEAST.
TA: yeah ii'd mii22ed her
TA: although can ii tell you 2omethiing 2ecret? 2wear on your lusus that you won't tell anyone?
CG: I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO AND HONESTLY I'M NOT SURE I SHOULD BE TRUSTED LATELY.
TA: waiit what? what do you mean?
CG: I FEEL LIKE I JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR PEOPLE. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU DETAILS BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'D PUT YOU IN A BAD POSITION.
TA: you don't make thiing2 wor2e for people, you care more than anyone! iit'2 embarra22ing 2ometiime2 how 2iincere you are about cariing about people.
CG: THANKS.
TA: 2hiit.
TA: ii wa2 beiing 2eriiou2. kk you've not done anythiing wrong.
CG: I WOULD SAY THAT'S DEBATABLE EXCEPT I'M NOT DEBATING IT. I KNOW I TRY TO HELP BUT I DON'T THINK I ACTUALLY DO HELP AND OFTEN I MAKE THINGS WORSE. I SHOULD JUST LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
TA: what the fuck? where ii2 thii2 comiing from?
CG: IT DOESN'T MATTER.
TA: iit ab2olutely doe2
TA: waiit, diid gamzee tell you thii2?!
CG: NO.
CG: WELL... I MEAN NOT SO MUCH. I GOT IN A FIGHT WITH NEPETA AND THINGS WERE SAID, I TOLD GAMZEE ABOUT IT AND HE WAS ALL YOU'RE NOT MALICIOUS OR ANYTHING, YOU'VE GOT GOOD INTENTIONS BUT SOMETIMES YOU COULD JUST NOT GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS.
TA: okay 2tart at the begiiniing. what about nepeta?
CG: I, UGH. THE WHOLE THING WITH VIKARE WENT BAD. I ENDED UP BURSTING IN ON ONE OF HER MEETINGS TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT AND GET THAT TOTALLY FAKE REPORT.
TA: the carbon monoxiide one?
CG: YEAH. BUT I HAD TO BREAK A LOT OF SECURITY RULES TO GET IN THERE AND OBVIOUSLY THAT LOOKED BAD ON HER AND SHE'S SUPER MAD AT ME, POLYPA TOO. I WENT TO GO APOLOGISE FOR POTENTIALLY DAMAGING HER CAREER.
TA: yeah iin faiirne22 ii can 2ee that not lookiing good for her
CG: AND I WAS SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT VIKARE AND APOLOGIES THAT ARE LIKE 'SORRY BUT I WAS ACTUALLY IN THE RIGHT REALLY' COME ACROSS AS INSINCERE JACKASSERY.
TA: yeah that check2 out. 2o 2he took that badly?
CG: REAL BADLY. SHE POINTED OUT THAT ASIDE FROM BREAKING REGULATIONS, WHICH IS TRUE, AND GOING BEYOND WHAT MY JOB ALLOWED ME TO WHICH IS ALSO DEBATABLY TRUE, I WAS ONLY GETTING INVOLVED BECAUSE I HAVE A PATHOLOGICAL NEED TO SOLVE OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS.
TA: ii would argue that'2 ju2t empathy. you're good at helpiing people, you liiterally help people for a liiviing.
CG: YEAH I DON'T THINK THAT'S IN MY FAVOUR. SHE IMPLIED THAT I WAS FIXING PROBLEMS SO I COULD IGNORE MY OWN.
TA: that'2 a burn on like kiid karkat who wa2 2tiill workiing out how feeliing2 work and fiixiing kiid drama iin2tead but not now
CG: SHE BASICALLY SAID THAT I'M MISERABLE WITH GAMZEE AND MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.
TA: ...ba2iically 2aiid?
CG: SHE IMPLIED, I DEMANDED THAT SHE FUCKING SAY IT IF SHE WAS GOING TO HINT THAT AND THEN EQUIUS BASICALLY SAID IF WE WEREN'T GOING TO BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER THAT I COULD GO AND TOSSED ME OUT INTO THE HALL.
TA: well 2hiit.
CG: I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL GAMZEE THAT PART, THE LAST THING I WANTED WAS MORE FIGHTS.
TA: yeah ii can 2ee hiim takiing that 2uper badly, e2peciially a2 2he'2 hii2 bo22.
CG: I'M SURPRISED YOU DON'T HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
TA: breakiing new2, me and gamzee don't liike each other and neiither of u2 liike your relatiion2hiip wiith the other
TA: ab2olutely noone 2hocked
CG: YEAH, I GUESS.
TA: although that'2 none of nep'2 bu2iine22 and ii don't thiink 2he ha2 any ca2e that you're makiing your 2uppo2ed unhappiine22 everyone el2e'2 problem.
TA: ii came two you two help me when me and aa broke up, you diidn't kiick my door down.
CG: I KNOW, BUT I THINK I SHOULD JUST LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE. IF I MEDDLE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES THEN I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS AND I'VE ALREADY CAUSED ENOUGH DAMAGE.
TA: ii doubt that'2 a real thiing and not a thiing you're blamiing your2elf for wiithout rea2on but okay
TA: liike yeah you do thiing2 and becau2e of that other thiing2 happen
TA: but thii2 ii2n't a choo2e your own adventure game that only you are playiing, you don't talk two me and get the pop up that '2ollux wiil remember that' and now you've affected my 2tory tree or 2ome 2hiit liike that
TA: you do thiing2 and other people do thiing2
CG: BUT THEY WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THEM IF I HADN'T STARTED THAT CHAIN OF EVENTS.
TA: you're riight
CG: THANK YOU.
TA: you're not re2pon2iible for anythiing because you're only doiing the thing2 you diid because of how crabdad raii2ed you. that happened fiir2t
TA: go look crabdad in the eye2 and blame hiim
CG: YOU LEAVE CRABDAD OUT OF THIS!
TA: your logiic brought hiim iin!
TA: or ii2 iit only your decii2iion2 that matter?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

You would put money on Karkat ragequitting out of that conversation and that he’ll be back after five minutes of being angry at himself about it. You decide to lean back against the wall and return to your dinner until he hits you back up.

Why did Marsti seem so weird about this? As you’re sitting here eating and looking out of the window you can’t help but remember it. It was like there was a specific answer she was looking for and whatever you gave her wasn’t it. Again, there’s stuff going on here and you don’t know what it is. What you don’t get is why there’s all of this secrecy. You can understand why Skaia and the Carapacians are being kept secret, but this stuff is weird and it’s clear that not everyone around here knows.

Looking out into the darkness of space you let your eyes drift from star to star. It really is impressive to see. It’s kind of weird how the ship doesn’t have more windows. Presumably there’s a structural integrity reason for not splattering the ship with them but it’s actually pretty odd that in your whole life this is the first time you’ve seen outside.

On the floor your palmhusk pings, so you wipe your ketchup fingers on a napkin before picking it up.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: WHAT WAS THE THING YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME? THE THING YOU WERE ASKING FOR SECRECY ONE?
TA: oh are we pretendiing that the re2t of that conver2atiion diidn't happen?
CG: WHAT CONVERSATION.
TA: poiint taken
TA: 2o between you and ii
TA: ii got talkiing two aa and 2he pretty quiickly caught ontwo the whole thiing ii have for dave
TA: dave had thankfully walked off at thii2 poiint wiith jade
CG: OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD HAVE BEEN AWKWARD.
TA: yeah but iit wa2n't 2o bad
TA: 2he know2 what iit'2 liike
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
TA: 2he'2 not iintwo dave, 2he'2 iintwo the other half of that couple
CG: WHAT.
TA: jade, dumba22, 2he liike2 jade
CG: OH GOD.
TA: ii know, riight? iit'2 almo2t funny, we break up and both get flu2hed for diifferent halve2 of the 2ame couple.
CG: OH FUCK NO.
TA: what ii2 thii2 2omehow all your fault two?
CG: YES!
TA: ii wa2 beiing 2arca2tiic
CG: I HAVE TO GO!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

What is with him lately?

You finish up the last of your meal and spend a while listening to the music Aradia snuck you, paying attention to the lyrics as they’re written down. It’s not that you don’t want to talk to Karkat and figure out what the hell is going on with him, but you’re pretty sure that if you poke at him when he’s at ‘I NEED TO GO!’ levels of stressed then you won’t help anything.

Of course you could go and ask Nepeta but that both seems like a lot of effort for something that’s not your business and not something that would actually help. Besides, she’s technically your boss right now so you’re not going to go rocking that particular boat.

As much as you’d dearly love to blame this on Gamzee in one way or the other Karkat didn’t really give you a lot to work with there. At best from what he said you think Gamzee maybe said something that Karkat misinterpreted as meaning that he’s the worst person in the universe. Sometimes when Karkat’s really upset he can be determined to interpret anything as evidence of him being awful, which you can relate from having been in the same place before but it still sucks for him. Pointing out that it’s irrational doesn’t make it feel less true. So just because Gamzee is involved doesn’t mean he actually said anything all that bad.

You don’t like Gamzee because you think he’s a shitty moirail, not because you think he’s a secret serial killer or something. He’s not a cartoon kids show villain just waiting to hurt Karkat in the most elaborate ways. He’s just fucked up and dangerous in a way that Karkat HAS to keep helping him and he peppers moments of helpfulness in between being utterly fucking useless or actually having a negative impact on Karkat. It makes it a lot harder to point at the trash pile that is Gamzee and get Karkat to leave when he’s sometimes ok.

Not that you could because trying to break up their relationship would look awful on you and probably hurt Karkat, it’s a stalemate.

Well, you’re at the end of your meal and staring off into space isn’t going to make Karkat troll you back. Huh, that makes this the first time you’ve been literally staring off into space instead of just metaphorically.

You return back to your respiteblock, you have studying to do on more of the Strider machines and you busy yourself with that for a few hours before Lanque suggests cards. You get the feeling that it’s another way of sizing you up. It’s poker this time which you’re reasonably inexperienced at, although it’s not like any of you are playing for money.

The really interesting part comes when Dave comes back into the block without Jade. Marsti and Konyyl immediately fold and refuse to play if Dave is playing which is an awfully different response to the one you got from Dave’s family.

Lanque encourages Dave to come and play with you all and you rapidly discover that Dave has an actual poker face, except it’s far more natural. You can’t get a single read on him whether he’s bluffing or not and it feels real for once. It seems utterly batshit insane that he has this pretense for his family and friends but when it comes to the people he works with he’s not pretending at all.

You lose massively to him, way faster than anyone else. No doubt because you’re the only one at the table thinking about the duality of Dave. If the duality aspect of him wasn’t enough, the fact that’s damn good at poker is another. What can you say, being skilled at something is attractive. Yeah, Dave cleans you out of the made up points you’d been using in place of currency and you step away from the table and get onto your top bunk to watch the rest of the game unfold. It helps that it gives you a good view of Lanque’s cards too.

Dave destroys both Azdaja and Lanque in turn, a fact that surprises neither of them and really the two of them seemed to have been vying for second place in their little competition.

When it comes time for you to sleep, you’re ready for it. Having slept so little before this you’re exhausted. It probably should bother you to be sharing a block with a bunch of other people but the tiredness makes that a non issue.

Something about it must unsettle you in a way though because you end up dreaming. Or not dreaming as such. It must have been that you were on the edge of sleep but still somewhat awake with your eyes slightly open. You were on your side in bed and you swear someone walked past your bed. That woke you up a little more but looking around the room everyone was asleep, even Dave when you leant over the edge of your bed to see down into his.

You were leant over the edge of your bed looking down at Dave when you froze, some forgotten instinct keeping you in place. As you hung there staring at Dave’s sleeping form you get the distinct feeling of someone right behind you, just out of the edge of your sight. The feeling of cold breath on the back of your neck should have been enough to shock you into action, but the next thing you were aware of was Dave shaking your arm to wake you up.

It must have… been a dream. Right?

Chapter Text

You wake in the morning with that weird dream still lingering at the edges of your thinksponge, part of you is sure it’s not a dream and all of you wants to ask Dave about it. When you actually sit up in bed and look around you find that Dave is already gone, but given that you can smell distant scents of food through the open door you bet you can guess where he’s gone to.

“I want the meat feast!” Konyyl insists loudly.

“You always get that, we’re going to be eating standard rations on Somnos, don’t eat the same thing over and over here.” Azdaja says with a deep sigh.

“I want what I want!” Konyyl snaps.

“Why are you so frustrating sometimes?!” Azdaja hisses at her.

You sit up in your bed trying to pretend that you’re not hearing this argument across the room, and as Marsti walks in the room towelling her hair off you get the feeling that she’s ignoring it too.

“If you’re waiting for them to be ready to get breakfast I’d suggest just going without them.” Marsti says quietly as she passes you.

Yeah, that’s probably smart. You change quickly, ignoring the ongoing argument between the couple. It works out that you’re ready to go when Marsti is so the two of you leave together.

“Do they fight a lot?” you ask her warily, glancing back to be sure they’re not following you.

“It’s not really arguing, they bicker. A lot of people think it means they’re vacillating, but they’re just both pretty stubborn people. They don’t mean anything by it and they always kiss and make up or whatever. People do their quadrants however they want, it’s none of my business.” she answers and you get the impression that she’s suggesting that it’s not any of yours.

“Oh, if that’s how they are then that’s fine. It would just be a little worrying if they were having some big problem right before we all have to go to space. More than we’re already in space, I mean.” you add that last part with a frown.

“I get that. You should order food though.” Marsti suggests.

You take her suggestion and have ordered by the time you make it to the main area with all the tables. Marsti wanders off to other people and you head over to Dave. Part of you is mad that you’re getting so clingy with him but he is supposed to be responsible for you and he’s at the table with Jade, Jake and Aradia so it’s not as if there’s no one else to talk to besides him.

“Morning!” Jake says cheerily as you go to sit down.

Aradia looks up from her very large takeout cup off coffee, she looks pretty goddamn tired and Dave is looking half asleep too. Weird.

“Hey Sollux, how was your first night? I always find it a little weird being in a different room and a different bed.” Jade asks you pleasantly as she stirs her bowl of incredibly fruity oatmeal, seriously it’s almost more fruit than oatmeal.

“Not too bad. Weird dreams though.” you say.

“Ughhh, nooooo.” Dave groans.

“Do you have something to say, grumpy butt?” Jade asks him.

Dave sighs and looks over at you.

“Look, Sollux, I love you man. We’re cool, I care about your thoughts and feelings and all that jazz. Not diminishing that. But I get enough dream talk already from Jade.” Dave tells you.

“We’re very vivid dreamers in our family.” Jake explains.

“Vivid is fine, no problem with that. Generally someone else’s dream is never as interesting as your own though. Also, unlike Dirk I’m not sleeping with you so I’m not obligated to listen to your dreams, Jake. As for Jade I take issue with how I’m often blamed for shit that Dream Dave does, I can’t be held responsible for dream me.” Dave argues.

“My dreams are emotive, it’s not my fault.” Jade says and sticks her tongue out at him.

“You once were mad at me for a whole day because you dreamt we were dolphins and I wouldn’t swim with you to where you wanted to go and I got eaten by an orca.” Dave says flatly.

“You should have followed me, I will die on this morally right hill.” Jade insists.

“What did you dream, Sollux?” Jake asks diplomatically, as behind him Dave insists that he is not now nor has ever been a dolphin and ergo is not responsible.

“It was nothing as involved as that. I think I was dreaming anyway. I heard something I think and I thought Dave had got up or whatever and looked over the bed to see where he was, but I saw that he was asleep there. I couldn’t move and I could feel this… presence behind me, like breathing down my neck and I think I could see the edges of someone at the corner of my vision. I was frozen in place, it was so weird.” you explain.

“So was there someone there? You saw someone?” Aradia asks curiously.

“I… I’m not sure.” you frown, it’s all a little hazy now.

“That sounds like a sleep paralysis thing to me, I’ve had that before. Basically your thinksponge has partly woken up but part of it is still dreaming so you’re aware of what’s around you. The same parts of your thinksponge that stop you acting out your dreams keep you in place so you’re paralysed in your dream. They can be really scary sometimes.” Jade says enthusiastically.

“Oh, gosh, I’ve had one of those before. There was this thing just sat on my chest and it was the most frightening experience. Of course Dirk, a notoriously light sleeper, managed to sleep through the whole thing! He got quite the shock when I fully woke up and was thrashing about in a panic!” Jake laughs.

That explanation completely makes sense and you can’t put any holes in it exactly, but it doesn’t feel quite right.

“Sorry you had that, nightmares suck.” Dave says sympathetically.

The back of your neck prickles and you reach up to rub it. What freaks you out though is Aradia staring, at first you’d thought she was staring at you but now that you’re looking at her you can see her gaze resting slightly behind you to your right.

“What?” you ask her warily.

“What?” Aradia says back, her focus on you now.

Ok genuinely are creeped out now and you just can’t resist the temptation to look behind you but of course there’s no one there, not unless you’re counting people at tables far beyond you having their own conversations. You look back at Aradia and you figure she’s probably just seen some ghost wander past which might be why you feel weird by proxy, your psionics do play with hers. You could ask her if that was it but you actually don’t want to know if some dead person is gliding spookily about by you and you’ve long since learnt not to ask questions like that when you don’t want the answer.

You’re entirely happy being not haunted, thanks. You’re going to go about your morning totally alive and deliberately unaware of any dead people of any kind.

Over the next two weeks a lot happens. You get to see a good number of briefings which only partly interest you, mainly you just get to see what equipment is being used where, or from your point of view just how much frozen fucking wasteland you’re going to have to travel through to repair things. You spend time with Kuprum as the two of you go over everything you’re going to need to repair, it is somewhat comforting that you’ll be able to call him if you really need help.

Dave on the other hand is still in secret meetings every so often with Aradia and it’s unreasonably frustrating that no one else seems to find this odd at all. On the topic of not getting any information you’ve found that it’s impossible to get Karkat to talk about his latest idea about him somehow being the root cause of everything that’s wrong in the world. Him not talking about it sucks because without him saying dumb shit you can’t poke holes in his logic. If you just come out and say that you think he’s a good person who isn’t causing problems you know his stupid ass will think he somehow manipulated you into doing that, which is a whole shitshow you don’t need tickets to. You’re almost desperate enough to troll Gamzee to tell him to do his fucking job and be a moirail already, but you’re not quite that desperate. Yet.

“I’ve come to a conclusion.” you say to Dave as he dries his hair off from his shower.

“Go on.” Dave says from within the depths of his towel as he rubs at his hair.

“Quarantine is both pretty tense and pretty boring.” you say.

Everyone in the room agrees with you in a bored kind of way, Dave doesn’t feel the need to add to his agreement when he tosses his towel over the door to his locker but he does give you an amused smile.

“Nearly out of it.” Dave reminds you.

“I know. Shouldn’t we be packing?” you ask, launch day is tomorrow after all.

“Launch isn’t until two in the afternoon tomorrow, we still have to change twice before we launch so there’s no point.” he assures you.

“You still haven’t really told me what it’s like.” you point out.

“I’ve told you what happens.” Dave says.

He leans his elbows on the edge of your bed to look at you and your train of thought skitters away from you.

“Your hair’s curling.” you say quietly and touch one section of his hair that’s getting a spiral shape to it.

“It’s striking out on its own. I told you what’s going to happen tomorrow.” Dave says because he remembers the point.

“Yeah, you told me where we sit and what the procedure is. You didn’t tell me what it’s like.” you emphasise.

“First you go on psionic blockers in the morning and that sucks. It feels like your sinuses are rock solid.” Azdaja chips in.

“Looking forward to that.” you mutter.

“Are you asking what it feels like? Not what happens but how you… feel?” Dave asks uncertainly.

“Launch sucks.” Lanque says from his bunk, his nose buried in his tablet and whatever he’s reading within it.

“It doesn’t.” Dave protests.

“It kind of does. There’s a lot of waiting and sitting at an awkward angle, you’re dealing with zero g for the first time.” Azdaja adds.

“Telemetry has to clear everything and there’s lots of back and forth with Nepeta and Polypa, then the Captain’s involved. If you’re not doing something it’s both tense and dull. It’s different for you, Dave.” Marsti reminds him.

“I guess. Well, there’s a lot of that. Launch from the ship isn’t too bad, there’s a kick from being ejected and then the trip to Somnos’ orbit is about 45 minutes. Meeting up with the station is fine, pretty stressful for the people trying to connect up but for us it’s fine.” Dave explains.

“When we get down through the atmosphere it’s weird the first time but you’re psionic like me, you’re not going to have a problem with it. It just feels a little like the shuttle’s going to come apart but it doesn’t, it’s just loud and shaky.” Azdaja assures you.

“So… tense and boring.” you conclude.

“Pretty much. The travel is the worst part of space travel, the planets are way cooler.” Konyyl tells you.

“Especially this one?” Lanque asks with a sly smile and below him you hear Marsti snort in amusement.

It actually takes you a second to catch the pun, you hadn’t been expecting it from Lanque who’s normally above that sort of thing. At least he pretends he is.

“Ah, fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Dave says flatly, looking over at Lanque who seems as self satisfied and smug as it’s trollishly possible to be.

You’re nervous all evening, the launch looming large in your mind. At one point Dave wanders out into the main rec area where a few other people with instruments have gathered and it seems like an impromptu show just happens by itself. They play sea shanties of course and you listen for a bit just out of interest but even here there doesn’t seem to be anything incredibly pertinent in the songs. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t pay extra attention to when Aradia happens to be singing or when Dave is playing on his violin or even the guitar there. It’d almost be better to admit that you were scrutinising them for hidden motives but your thought process was mostly just thinking that they’re hot and not much else.

Sleep doesn’t come easily for you that night so you do what you usually do when you can’t sleep.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: iit'2 not long untiil launch now
CG: YEAH. CAN'T SLEEP?
TA: that'2 why ii'm awake at thii2 hour
TA: what about you?
CG: INSOMNIA'S BEEN BAD LATELY.
TA: do you want two talk about that becau2e ii'm pretty 2ure ii can gue22 why
CG: I DO NOT.
CG: LOOK, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T APPRECIATE IT. I JUST THINK I NEED TO REALLY CONSIDER WHAT I'M DOING BEFORE I DO IT AND WHY I'M DOING IT TOO.
TA: kk you're really not thii2 awful maniipulatiive mon2ter
CG: I NEVER SAID I WAS A MONSTER, THAT'S A LITTLE MUCH.
TA: really
TA: are you 2ure ii 2houln't ctrl+f the word mon2ter?
CG: WELL IF YOU DO IT WITH YOUR QUIRK YOU'RE DEFINITELY NEVER GOING TO FIND ME SAYING THAT. CHECKMATE, SHITBAG.
TA: love you too kk you 2ay the 2weete2t thiing2
CG: YEAH, YEAH, SHUT YOUR SQUAWKBLISTER. SHOULDN'T YOU BE SLEEPING FOR THIS BIG MISSION INSTEAD OF TALKING TO ME?
TA: can't 2leep, nervou2
TA: al2o aware that beiing 2uper tiired ii2 goiing two make thiing2 wor2e 2o ii'm recur2iively 2tre22iing about that two
CG: NICE, RECURSIVE SELF FULFILLING WORRIES. A CLASSIC MOVE I KNOW ALL TOO WELL.
TA: ,ki8

Your thumb skids across your screen sending gibberish, Dave’s just got out of bed utterly silently and his sudden appearance roughly near your head startled the life out of you.

He looks around at you in the dark, the subtle red in his eyes turning on you as he looks at you.

“Hey, can’t sleep?” he whispers, leaning against your bed.

You shake your head mutely, knowing he can see you in whatever light.

“Just try and relax, I’ve got your back for this whole mission, remember? You’re gonna be fine.” Dave whispers.

“Yeah.” you manage to say over the sound of your bloodpusher hammering in your chest.

“Cool. Be right back.” Dave smiles and leaves, probably to the ablutionblock or something.

CG: WHAT?
CG: SOLLUX?
TA: 2orry, dave ju2t got up and made me jump. he'2 2o goddamn quiiet 2ometiime2
CG: REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE KIDS AND HE USED TO INSIST HE WAS SOME KIND OF NINJA, THAT HIS WHOLE FAMILY WERE.
TA: ii remember ro2e 2ayiing that iif 2he confiirmed iit 2he'd have two kiill me
CG: THAT CHECKS OUT.
CG: LOOK I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL, LET'S BOTH TRY TO GET TO SLEEP AGAIN. SEE IF YOU CAN BE LESS OF A FAILURE THAN ME.
TA: ii don't really agree wiith the priinciiple of that but ii can get on board for the end part
CG: 'YES, KARKAT' IS FAR FEWER LETTERS.
TA: ii can't agree wiith you, you'd never let iit go
CG: GO TO SLEEP, ASSHAT. I'LL BE THERE AT LAUNCH TOMORROW TO SEE YOU OFF.
TA: cool, ii can look at your face and that'll make me want to launch my2elf iintwo 2pace
CG: OH FUCK OFF.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

You turn your palmhusk face down on the sheets and pull the blanket up over your shoulders.

Wait, no, there’s one more conversation you need to have!

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

TA: ii know you're probably a2leep, but ii'm about two be launched iintwo 2pace tomorrow.
TA: iif ii diie...
TA: delete my brow2er hii2tory

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

Well now you can relax with that firmly taken care of. You rest on your side and your hand slides to your neck and Mituna’s stupid decoder ring. You vaguely remember hearing once about how your fingertips are so sensitive that they can pick up a change in texture at a level of microns or something. Dave would probably know given how he used to be blind, you think he could read stuff by touching it if you remember right. Either way you can feel the slight indents of the symbols on the ring as you touch it, you put a little pressure on it and quietly spin the disk on the ring.

If Mituna was here he’d be excited for you, he’d love this shit. You didn’t always get along, you weren’t perfect dancestors but you were closer than most that you know. The two of you were so close in age that your relationship felt more like Rose and Dave’s than either of them with their older siblings. Losing him hurt so bad, it still hurts and it probably always will. There’s the dangerously stupid thought of, hey, you don’t know he’s dead and maybe you’ll find him out on this planet. Somehow, through some stupid coincidence. You push that aside and try to think about the fact that he’d be excited for you and maybe you can do this for him since it’s not like he’s going to get to do any of this himself now.

You spin the ring around absently and something about the repetitive motion sends you to sleep, it was probably pretty quick too because you don’t remember Dave coming back in the room.

When morning comes you get up and get dressed in your regular clothes. Dave and the others show you how to pack your bag as tightly and efficiently as possible, leaving out the under layer of your flight suit out on the bed.

You do also find that you’ve got a message from Hal when you were packing, which you reply to.

technologicalTourniquet [TT] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TT: You're not going to die.
TA: well that ii2 alway2 the plan
TA: but thii2 ii2 a 2eriiou2 oath, Hal
TA: are you really goiing two let me down, huh?
TT: Fine, I will delete your browser history in the event of your death so that your shameful internet searches die with you.
TT: I can only assume that in order for YOU to be ashamed of it that it's not anything smutty but rather 'coding for complete beginners' because actually you don't know anything and you're a fraud.
TT: Don't worry, Sollux, your secret dies with me.
TA: ii'm hauntiing you, ii've deciided
TT: Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me planting other incriminating things in a fake search history for others to find.
TA: defiiniitely hauntiing you

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling technologicalTourniquet [TT]

You put your palmhusk away and worriedly look over your stuff now that you know your posthumous reputation is secured.

“The rest of it will be here when we get out of breakfast and the meeting, don’t worry.” Dave assures you and guides you out of the room.

But you do worry. You’re nervous all the way to breakfast and though you make sure that you do eat it’s really just so you don’t pass out from low blood sugar or something. The chatter around the room sounds excited in a positive kind of way, you don’t think anyone here has any real worries about things going wrong.

After breakfast you have the crew wide meeting, something that you’ve not had until now. People have had meetings about their own personal areas of expertise and various levels of seniority have got together but this is the first time you’ve seen everyone all together and you can’t help but feel a little insecure about your place here.

Nepeta and Polypa stand before the whole mission crew, both of them radiating a calm authority that quietens the room around them without them having to ask for silence.

“We haven’t had any changes regarding who is in what shuttle in the last two weeks but I’ll run over who is to go where and in addition your seat number.” Polypa explains.

You have that down somewhere and you search through your tablet for it. The shuttle seating is broken up between those who are actively flying the ship and those who are just passengers. You’re not actively working on anything so you’re in one of the passenger seats right next to Dave who is responsible for making sure you don’t fling yourself out midflight and attack the navigation controls or something. Not that you’re going to do that but Polypa has been very clear that you are entirely Dave’s responsibility.

As Polypa said your seating hasn’t changed but you get to hear where everyone else is. Everyone in your block is in your shuttle, which is good. You’ve started to get along with them a fair bit in all the time you’ve been together. Polypa is in your shuttle, which kind of sucks because you’d prefer Nepeta but whatever. You’ve been designated a place in shuttle two so you’ve already got something you wanted, you can’t ask for more!

Surprisingly Jade, Jake, Aradia and Nepeta are all in the first shuttle. The weird thing is that you’re pretty sure that the shuttle arrangement is weird. You’re pretty sure you shouldn’t whisper in the meeting so you shoot Dave a message instead.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

TA: hey ii thought jake wa2 meant two be at our 2tatiion on 2omno2
TG: he is last i checked
TG: i mean he might go back and forth depending on what people need but hes mostly at our place
TA: riight and ii thought kuprum wa2 at the other 2tatiion
TG: yeah he is
TA: 2o why ii2 jake on 2huttle one and kuprum ii2 on two?
TG: were not staying this way remember
TG: were going to the orbital station and then going down to our bases
TA: riight
TA: but why the 2wiitchiing between now and then? iit 2eem2 liike needle22 compliicatiion
TG: hey if you want to call nepeta and polypa on it be my guest
TG: actually dont be my guest theyll yell at me
TA: ok but why ii2 iit liike that?
TG: man sometimes you just gotta smile and nod
TG: besides you and i dont have to switch shuttles so its not our problem
TA: ii gue22
TG: k pay attention now

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

That was a wildly unsatisfactory conversation. You can’t tell if Dave knows and isn’t telling you or if he’s just better at the not asking questions thing. He is right in a way, it’s not your problem and if Kuprum and Jake have to swap about at the station then it’s hardly any stress for you. It’s just weird is all.

“The flight team have already been briefed on their specific directives but I want to make it absolutely imperative that they not be distracted, chatter must be at an absolute minimum. I know we’ve done this over and over again before but we need the utmost quiet this time. The interference caused by Somnos is going to make things tricky so we need to give the flight team our silent support.” Nepeta emphasises.

Somnos’ problems happen on planet and its atmosphere, not between here and there. What? You look at Dave for some explanation but he just holds his finger to his lips to urge you to be quiet.

Your nerves are crying out that something is wrong here but you don’t have any place to speak in this meeting, it just ends with instruction to all get changed and get ready to get onto the shuttles. You trust that Dave isn’t leading you to harm, but you have to ask even if it’s just when you get back to your block.

“Dave-” you try.

“We’ve got to get changed, Sol. Kinda on a time crunch here.” Dave reminds you as he pulls his shirt off.

“I know, but something’s weird with this shuttle arrangement. Somnos shouldn’t cause interference between here and there, it doesn’t make sense why things would be different than usual for that. What’s going on?” you ask him urgently.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re not having to fly anything.” he says.

You grab his arm as he goes to reach for his undersuit on his bed. He looks up at you, black and red eyes fixed on yours.

“Dave, please.” you whisper.

Dave winces and closes his eyes for a second or two, when he opens them again he’s looking right at you.

“I appreciate that you’ve got questions, I would too. But I just need you to trust me, I agreed to keep you safe through this whole mission and I’m not leading you into certain death or anything. I can’t give you the answers but I know them.” Dave says in a volume that means that only you hear.

There are lies going on here, there is stuff you don’t know, but he knows and he’s asking you to trust him.

“Are we going or not?” he asks.

“Yeah. Yeah we’re going. I’m trusting you.” you sigh and Dave’s smile is so relieved and grateful that you can’t turn back now.

Getting into your suit is just as tricky as last time but you have Dave to help you, and at least this time you’re too unnerved about whatever is about to happen in this launch to get nervous about Dave’s hands on you. There you go, all you needed to control your hormones and your inconvenient crush was an urgent sense of impending doom.

Your actual space suit itself is pretty easy to get into, it’s a little larger than your undersuit and loose enough that you can stretch and bend in any direction without any problems. It’s got a display on your arm that syncs with your palmhusk, although it’s pretty sensibly limited your access to a lot of the apps you have on your palmhusk so you can’t get distracted with mobile games when you’re supposed to be listening to launch instructions.

“Ok here you go, I’ll put this on for you. We’re in a part of the ship where you can have the face shield of your helmet out of the way, if for some reason the pressure in the shuttle tanked it’d snap shut and pressurise you. Got it?” Dave asks as he slides your helmet over your head and twists it and clicks it into place.

On your arm your screen displays that your helmet is locked in and the face shield is open. The helmet itself has something within it that presses against the back of your neck enough so that you’re supported but you’ve still got a pretty clear range of motion. Nervously you touch the edges of the helmet and try to wiggle it but the thing is firmly locked in place, you can’t help but think about Vikare as you test it.

“It doesn’t come off again until we’re on the planet.” Marsti tells you as Dave easily slides his helmet on and clicks it in as casually as you might put a shirt on.

“Let’s go.” Dave says with a nod.

Your digestion sac feels like it’s doing some pretty impressive acrobatics as you contemplate the fact that you’re about to go get on a space shuttle.

“I thought maybe me and Sollux might take our psionic suppressants, you know, so we don’t explode the shuttle when we’re in it.” Azdaja says flatly.

Dave had already turned to walk off and turns back to face you all with a squeak of his space boots.

“I… yes. That was… a test. You passed the test, of remembering to do the thing that stops you two sparking the shuttle apart. Good job, ten out of ten.” Dave says, clearly trying to suppress a look of wide eyed alarm.

“So convincing.” Azdaja chuckles to himself.

He floats a bottle of water over to him as well as two small, white, cardboard boxes. One has your name and information on with Dr. J Egbert as the prescribing physician on the label. Azdaja puts his thumb claw through the foil, shakes the white pill out into his hand then tosses it back and chases it with a gulp of water.

“As much as I hate this stuff you don’t want errant psionic sparks screwing with the hull integrity or the shuttle’s systems. It doesn’t last all that long but it’s a sensible precaution.” Azdaja explains and offers you the water bottle.

You do as he did and take the small pill, you don’t especially care about germs between you and him so you drink from the same bottle without any protest. You psionically float the bottle back to the table.

“It’s not immediate.” Azdaja says, which makes sense given that it’s a pill you swallowed and not something that you breathed in or injected or whatever.

“Okay, right, now let’s go.” Dave says.

That’s all you need. Your little group leaves your block and walks through a path that they clearly know well, you pass windows that overlook the shuttles. You can see other people in full space suits hurrying around the ships presumably running last minute checks, their little jet propulsion systems make them seem like little bugs in flight from here.

As you reach the bottom of a staircase you pass through a doorway and the strangest feeling overtakes you.

“You ok?” Dave calls back, glancing over his shoulder at you.

He’s crossed the threshold ahead of you and as he turns to look at you his hair moves and hangs there for a moment before slowly drifting back down, that one curl you’d noticed forming fully defying gravity for several long seconds before settling.

“We’re at the edge of the ship’s gravity.” you guess.

Looking down at your feet though you see they’re firmly stuck to the floor. You lift one with some resistance and find that it comes free and then sticks on your next step.

“The boots are magnetic.” you conclude, it’s clever.

“Magnets, how do they work?” Dave says with a grin.

“You’re lucky there’s a whole lot of glass between you and Gamzee right now, I DON’T like getting in between that fight.” Konyyl says loudly.

Shit, yeah, people are watching you now aren’t they? You follow Dave on autopilot and look up and around to see the long window that overlooks the shuttle bay. There’s loads of people clustered there to watch the launch and for a moment you’re not sure how you’ll find Karkat, at least until you see the deranged waving outline of him. Seriously, he’s going at it with both hands, full arm extension to try to get your attention.

The urge to pretend you can’t see him just to fuck with him rises but that seems a little too mean, so you simply wave back. Karkat jumps in… excitement you suppose.

“Goddamn, Karkat, never change.” Dave laughs softly, of course he can see him way better than you can.

Dave starts walking again and you continue following him. You eye the huge shuttles as you approach, and now your nerves are starting to get the better of you. You shoot Karkat another glance but he’s too far away for you to see him in all that much detail. Looking back at the shuttles you can make out that shuttle one and shuttle two are clearly marked out so you know where you’re going, two is straight ahead and those going into one have to take a left up ahead.

As you pass the crossroad between the two shuttles Dave hesitates.

“Stay here real quick, I need to check something out. Don’t go anywhere.” Dave tells you.

“What? Where are you-” you start but Dave clicks something on his boots and then leaps away through the air, only drifting back down to the ground at a point between the two shuttles.

Even though the suits do a lot to make everyone look a little different you can still recognise Aradia. Her helmet is pulled back and you can see her hair tightly braided to her scalp and curving around her spiral horns. You watch as the two of them talk, both glancing to the closed shuttle bay door.

“Come on.” Konyyl says, nudging you.

You’re not fully in her way but you have stopped a little awkwardly.

“He said I should wait. What’re they talking about?” you ask, not taking your eyes off of the pair.

“You think I’ve got super hearing? Stay here if he said so, but I’m going up.” Konyyl says and moves past you.

You step out of the way for the others so your line of sight is unobstructed. You stare as Aradia takes Dave’s hand and holds it gently, her mouth is moving like she’s saying something but she’s not looking at him. It’s as if she’s staring off at nothing.

“What…” you mumble to yourself as the rest of Dave’s little crew moves behind you.

There’s a flash suddenly, like camera bulb exploding and then absolute darkness, it lasts just a split second but it leaves you reeling. Enough so that you jerk backwards and bump into Marsti.

“You ok?” Marsti asks, her hands on your shoulders.

“What was that?” you ask as you stare up at the ceiling, unable to pick out any blown floodlight or anything.

It wouldn’t make sense for a floodlight to have blown, that could have caused the flash of light, sure. It doesn’t explain the equally intense darkness right after. Nothing generates darkness, that doesn’t make sense.

“What’s wrong?” Marsti asks.

“Did you see that?” you ask her.

“See what?” she questions you, staring you down.

“That flash of light and then total darkness, what the hell could do that? Shit, what if that’s a reaction to the medication or something?” you look around for Azdaja but he must have gone ahead with his matesprit, shit.

“Don’t worry, you’re fine. Change in gravity, lights, stress, it’s fine. Hi Dave.” Marsti says, and you look around to see him landing again near you.

“Hi, come on, let's go.” Dave says, urging you towards the shuttle.

“He saw a flash of light and then complete darkness.” Marsti chips in as she walks off to the shuttle.

“Cool, great. Wonderful, hey Sollux don’t be super obvious or anything but can you look over my shoulder and see if Aradia’s giving me a look like she wants to set me on fire with her eyes?” Dave asks you.

You glance behind him and see that, yeah, Aradia is giving him something of a death stare.

“Uh, yeah. Listen, what did I just see?” you ask him.

“Don’t worry about it, we don’t have time for this. We have to go, come on.” Dave insists.

“Dave!” you insist.

Dave closes his eyes for a moment and sighs, when he opens them again his expression is serious.

“Remember how you were like ‘Dave I know you lie sometimes even if I don’t get why, but you don’t need to do that with me so if you’re gonna lie just don’t’?” he asks.

“Not my exact words but yeah.” you nod.

“I’m not lying to you but I’m not saying anything else either except we gotta go.” he says.

He catches your hand and leads you towards the shuttle. Maybe you can ask him more questions when you’re sat down, you know there’s a bunch of checks before you have to launch. You’re pretty sure there’s text communication of some kind on your suit’s display even if it’s not trollian.

You reach the edge of the shuttle and you don’t even have time for one last look back at Karkat as Dave instead nudges you onto the ladder, leaving you no choice but to climb. The ladder runs up the outside of the shuttle for a way then leads up into and continues through a tube. Decently far up ahead you can see other people climbing up, your boots stick to the ladder with each rung so although you’re nearly weightless it still takes effort.

You’ve been in here before with Kuprum but when it was just the two of you and you could fly with your psionics it felt different, you weren’t going anywhere. You’re glad that you did because now you know that you don’t get off on the first level that you’re able to, this is all full of equipment that’s stored away and packed so tightly that you’re hoping you don’t have to personally take any of it out. There’s a few trolls who aren’t on the mission, their heads are completely contained in helmets of their own so they don’t break your quarantine but they’re not in official space suits like you are, neither of them spares you a glance as they go over their last checks.

The ladder continues to the main travel compartment of the shuttle. The room itself is a tube, because the shuttle is also. The ladder comes up through the centre of the room, putting you on a platform that’s in the centre of the main flight controls. Five consoles border this central platform in a pentagon shape, each staffed with someone who is responsible for guiding the flight of the shuttle, monitoring its state and communicating with the A’Tuin and the other shuttle. The sailors responsible for this are already sat in place, strapped in, and busy at work. One of those five is Polypa who is presumably overseeing all of this. Beyond the central console the walls of the shuttle are lined with people getting settled in place.

The seating here for everyone else is done almost in a tiered system, there’s a lower ring set slightly forward and behind them a doubled stacked area of lockers. Most have their doors rolled shut but you can see plenty with their bags still exposed. Above these lockers is a narrow platform that leads to the upper seats. The walls of the room, where its not taken up by seating, is thickly reinforced white coated metal. Dotted across its surface are grab rails and slack yellow and black cords cross through the open space, your guess is to aid in mobility in zero gravity situations when someone might have to move about through the shuttle.

There are no windows, no surplus monitors and although intellectually you know you’ve been here before and you know they try to keep weight down… it feels oddly blank. You don’t have time to puzzle over this because you have to get to your seat. The area you’re heading to is one you’d already worked out from before with Kuprum but now your seat has your callsign attached to it on a thick strip of fabric. When you get there you see that the word ‘Duelist’ is stitched onto it and it’s attached to the seat, the seat next to that has ‘Laika’ on it.

“Ok, check that your bag is there.” Dave says, leaning down over the platform.

You lean over as well and see that, yeah, that is your bag under your seat. People must have taken it for you during the meeting. Dave does the same and pulls the shutter on his allocated slot up and locks it and so you copy him. As you stand up again you see that Dave’s now looking in some large rectangular lockers above your seats, you don’t get to see what’s in there because he clicks it shut before you get a look.

“What’s in there?” you ask him.

“Oh, just stuff I’ve got to check on. We’ve all got stuff to do our own checks on, except you who get to cruise worry free.” Dave says with a flash of a smile you don’t wholly believe.

Dave climbs into his own seat and starts quickly doing all sorts of buckles and you’re wondering just how you’re going to remember all of that when you get in your seat. It seems that you don’t have to worry about that though because Dave nudges all of your buckles and straps aside and guides you into place.

You follow his instructions for each fastening and before you know it you’re set in place.

There’s a little bit of a gap between your seat and his but you can easily reach out to touch him even if you’re not so close as to be able to whisper in his ear. Not really the ideal circumstances for talking. Even as you’re thinking that Kuprum zips over to you, with his feet off of the floor and taking advantage of the low gravity. He gets his stuff locked away and settles into his seat at your other side. Yeah, not a great choice of audience for an out loud conversation, better to troll Dave instead. Luckily for you Dave already appears to be on… well, not Trollian, it’s green somehow from the little you can see on his arm. But you do manage to find the internal approved messaging system, a somewhat neutered version of trollian where only your contacts that are on the shuttles are available. Weirdly yours isn’t green, you can’t help but wonder what Dave is using.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

TA: ok we're all 2et now, ju2t waiitiing for launch
TA: 2o now can you tell me what ii 2aw out there?
TA: dave ii can 2ee you talkiing two other people, ii trolled you becau2e ii diidn't thiink you'd want me haviing thii2 conver2atiion out loud
TG: sorry man im a busy guy ive got a ship full of fans all desperate for me
TA: 2uuuuuuure
TG: words hurt sollux
TA: you're tryiing two dii2tract me and not doiing a great job at iit
TG: fair
TG: im mostly trying to keep you chill about this and i am actually busy with other stuff
TG: and if im totally honest here if i can get away with not telling you thats what im gonna do
TA: ok well the la2t tiime you were thii2 expliiciitly cagy iit wa2 about 2omeone dyiing
TA: 2o ii2 thii2 the 2ame thiing
TG: no
TG: but also not... not no
TA: can ii have that agaiin but not giibberi2h?
TG: not the same thing but in the neighbourhood of the same thing this thing and that are on speaking terms perhaps
TA: teriifyiing. ii kiind of wii2h ii hadn't a2ked.
TG: i gave you the chance to not do that
TA: am ii iin danger here?
TG: beyond being in a shuttle thats about to be launched at bonkers speed and is filled with what is effectively a big bomb for getting back off of the planet on the way back
TG: a little
TG: but i can make you a promise that as long as iim here im gonna do everything to keep you totally safe as can be and im pretty good at that
TA: fuck
TA: ii mean ii tru2t that you're not tryiing two kiill me, ii generally liike two 2et the bar a liittle hiigher than that
TG: i know
TG: just let me do my thing and try not to distract me and before you know it we will both be on a boring journey to the space station and then itll be just one juddery trip through the atmosphere until youre freezing your globes off
TG: i know how much you love the cold
TA: iid 2ay why am ii doiing thii2 but we know why
TA: 2o you want me two ju2t... 2iit here quiietly?
TG: yeah
TG: sorry i know that sounds like a bulge move there but like i need to focus now way more than id thought i would
TG: just trust me for now
TG: please?