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He woke up on an unfamiliar bed. The sheets were softer, like silk, and smoother than his own lent-peppered cotton sheets with four or three small holes dotted everywhere. Sunlight was shining onto his face in a way he wasn’t used to feeling, reflecting off of his slightly tanned skin and raven hair, which made him wish that he could be there for forever. The air smelled faintly like honey, the type they don’t sell in supermarkets but the ones you eat straight off the flower as a kid, ignoring every comment from your parents that tell you not to do so. If he focused, he could vaguely hear sounds of birds, obnoxious seagulls beckoning for food outside of his walls but he was too focused on the sunlight that he barely caught onto the fact that he was at a summer house. Karl’s family’s summer house that he was invited to stay at. Just the two of them, he remembered.
And that was when he heard Karl’s footsteps outside followed by a gentle knock on the door.
“Nick,” Karl’s voice was laced with softness, like smooth chocolate fondue with fresh strawberries. That made him shudder, in a good way. “You awake? They sent us breakfast.” Nick cleared his throat slightly to make sure he didn’t sound raspy, or dead. It wouldn’t match how sweet his mind felt. “5 minutes, I’ll get dressed.” He said as he almost threw himself off his short bed and threw on some comfortable yet presentable clothes; that is, his signature white t-shirt over a black, tighter, long-sleeved shirt and some regular sports pants. As he tied his white band under his hair, he walked to the door and opened it with his elbows and a knee, revealing the living room ahead of him. His friend was sitting besides the dining table with two plates of food, filled to the brim, Nick might add, in front of him, smiling warmly at Nick’s appearance.
“Good morning, Karl. How did you sleep last night?” Nick inquired. He sat down right in front of Karl, facing the light brunette as both of them started digging in. Nick started with one of the two eggs, cooked perfectly and sunny side up. It reminded him of Karl’s smile just then.
Karl, on the other hand, started with the mashed potato salad, which Nick thought was a little bit weird to have in breakfast, but he thought it was cute when Karl desperately picked at it with a fork, completely forgetting about the small spoon lying to his right hand. Nick just smiled to himself.
“I slept quite well, actually. I didn’t know this place was so good. Last time I’ve been here was like, what, when I was 10 with my parents and Sean. I only remembered fighting with Sean for that bed I was just sleeping on 10 minutes ago.” Karl beamed upon finally being able to fish up a considerable chunk of mashed potatoes and putting it in his mouth. Nick took another bite of his egg and moved on to the small pancakes that were lavishly dubbed with cream and an array of berries.
“Tell me what it’s like back then,” Nick said through his beard of cream. “I wanna know.”
Karl raised his right eyebrow in surprise. He probably didn’t expect Nick to ask that question, but little did Karl know how much Nick cared about his crush, about his sun. He hoped, silently, that Karl didn’t catch him staring into those brown eyes he wished so much that he could own all to himself.
He was terrified about it, if he was being honest to himself. A few months ago, one of his best friends, George, GeorgeNotFound, George Henry Davidson, confessed his feelings to his other best friend: Clay, Dream, DreamWasTaken. The latter, although grateful for their British friend, rejected him in the softest way possible, and even that led to George eventually breaking down, escaping the world for just a little longer by leaving the internet and temporarily moving to a small pasture his grandparents had left for him when they left for heaven. Only Nick knew the Brit’s alternative number, and they’ve been loosely texting each other to make sure the small brunette boy was alright, or, scratch that, living. All he knew was that the brunette was spending time with animals and coding something big for his eventual comeback. The only thing about that was George never told him “when,” and instead kept on telling him that “it’ll take as long as it’ll take me to forget.” Which, Nick told himself, might be two months or two decades. He also knew how Dream locked himself in his room from dawn to dusk and would only appear briefly for food. Sometimes, Dream would show up in front of the pantry with claw marks and ink stains on his arms that would disappear and reappear every 2 or 3 days. Dream blamed himself, and hurt himself for it, and Nick hated how he could do nothing but to stand besides both his friends and suffer.
“… and Sean was like ‘mom! Karl hit me with the pillow’ When he actually purposefully fell on his face to frame me in order to get that bed and make me sleep with my mom and my dad,” Karl was talking passionately. Nick relished the sight in front of him, and didn’t want to lose it. He had no where to go except back home, in Texas, in the apartment he shared with his parents and a hoard of pets. Not that he disliked it, but he couldn’t see himself escaping, like George. Karl would blame himself too, if Nick went in a whim like that.
“Oh did I ever tell you about how a herd of seagulls came flying through an open window during dinner and stole all of our food? It was hilarious,” Karl kept on talking. Nick just nodded and finished what’s left on the plate and decided that he wanted more potato salad. “Like, Sean was so scared he hid under the table with a piece of toast in his hand, and like 4 or 5 seagulls came charging for it. All of us were screaming and someone almost called the police and the ambulance on us before seeing a bunch of seagulls flying out of our window. No one got severely hurt though, but I genuinely don’t want that to happen again, ever.” Karl put his fork down. He still had an egg left but probably decided he was full. Nick commented something about what Karl just shared before picking up their plates and cutleries, scraping the leftovers into the bin, and rinsing the dishes under the tap. Karl was still talking.
“We went outside for dinner that night because the birds took everything. And when we were sitting, like, on the bench besides the beach that night, I could’ve sworn I saw the same seagull that took my chips right in front of me, because I might or might not have dunked ketchup on its forehead,” Karl laughed, and Nick laughed with him. The raven wondered if his laughter sounded weird to Karl since Nick had done nothing in their conversation other than study every single bit of Karl’s face, voice, and eyes. “And the seagull just stared at me and I just stared at him like we’re both idiots.”
Nick giggled as he finished washing the plates, laying them on the rack near the sink. “I think it is safe to say at least one of you are an idiot, and I am pretty confident that bird is not.”
“Hey!” Karl raised a hand to gently swat at Nick’s forearm. Nick laughed and rubbed it with his other hand.
“Awww that hurt though.” He pouted and pulled a baby expression.
Karl looked back in the same way. “Oh no, I’m sorry Sappy, do you want me to kiss it better?”
Although Nick would’ve wanted that, he knew better than say “yes.” His face involuntarily flushed redder than the dawning sun, heating up even more that he could feel it himself. He was grateful for Karl to not point it out.
“I think I’ll be fine,” Nick mumbled. “It’s not like a kiss can fix an act of violence.” He brushed it off as a joke, and hopefully, Karl bought it.
“Do you want to, like, just chill today? We have plenty of time here so we can like, watch youtube or a few movies together, eat lunch, go shopping or something like that, eat desserts, and go to the beach at night and eat dinner there?” Karl asked, pulling away. That was when Nick realized how close the two were. Their faces were just about 8 inches apart and he could’ve sworn their toes were touching.
Nick nodded. “That sounds like a great plan and I can’t wait to spend the next 10 days with you.” He meant it, genuinely, and Karl looked happy at that response too.
“Yay! I brought some snacks so I’ll go get them from my room. You go choose a movie to watch, won’t ya? Wait for me on the sofa and I’ll be there in 5.” Karl smiled and rushed back to his room.
Nick, on the other hand, did what Karl said, but instead of scrolling through the movie list, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through some of his unread messages. Before he left, Dream assured him that he’d be fine, and if he needed anything, he would immediately text or call Nick and Nick promised to answer. Nick also ensured that Dream had enough snacks and instant food in the pantry to feed him for an entire month if not more (the 6’2” man didn’t eat as much as he should). He also told George about his plans for the next one and a half weeks, and George answered with a “don’t mind me, I’ll be fine. Go enjoy your holiday with Karl :)” But Nick couldn’t help but wonder what George thought about it; if Nick were George, he would’ve been jealous. Jealous of how his friend can do it and he couldn’t.
He would hate it if he were George.
Looking back up, he clicked on the first movie with a high rating he saw. It was Roman Holiday, the old, but classic Rom-Com of a European Princess named Ann finding her romance in Rome as she escaped the royalty for once. He had watched that movie once or twice before and liked it so much he’d watch it again. He thought it’d be the perfect movie to watch during a summer week with his crush by his side.
What does it feel like to escape restraints for once? What would it feel like to fall in love without ever needing to know what happens afterwards? What would it feel like to know that who you love would love you back?
Those questions would better off be unanswered, Nick thought, because when they start to get answered they might just turn the wrong way. “What does it feel like to actually feel restraints tugging on you, fettering your every word, every move? What would it feel like to fall in love only to worry about everything that happens afterwards? What would it feel like to know that the person you love would never love you back?
What would it feel like to be stuck in love, forever? Would George be stuck in love forever? Would he be-
“I’m back!” Karl yelled from behind Nick, startling him and snapping him away from his train of thought. He was half grateful for the boy who came charging at him, holding three bags of different flavored chips as well as a giant pack — Nick didn’t even know they sold that large of a pack — of skittles and two bottles of water under his arms.
“Hello, Mr. Jacobs,” Nick smiled, gesturing at the giant TV screen, as if asking for confirmation to play the movie.
Karl laid everything on the small desk in front of them. “Oooh! I’ve heard people talk about that movie before. Is it good?”
Nick nodded. “I like it a lot. It’s a little bit cliché but it doesn’t stop it from being the sweetest movie on the entire planet.” He moved his controller to start the movie and laid it besides the snacks.
His breath hitched a little when he notice Karl lean to his side. The summer wind was blowing through the window screens (Nick later learned that they put that there right after the seagull incident) on the ajar windows, so it wasn’t too hot, but Nick could somehow feel his cheeks warming up again, as if it wasn’t that warm before. A cushion separated their arms, so Nick could only feel Karl’s hair on his sleeves, lightly. Nick quickly repressed the urge to put his fingers in those brown locks and stroke them.
How he wished to be like Princess Ann. To love without consequences.
Throughout the movie, Nick kept on distracting himself by eating whatever was open, even if one of those bags of chips had the worse flavor he’s ever tasted. Karl just stayed besides him as the movie played, seemingly unaware of Nick’s fretting behavior. That made Nick sigh in relief, of course, internally.
A while later, the movie ended. Karl sat back up straight, relaxing Nick’s tense body as a whole. Looking to the right, Nick saw a dried tear mark on the side of Karl’s face which he assumed to be from the movie. When he first saw the movie, he cried too, and more than once.
“Liked the movie?” Nick leaned to the left and lifted his legs to directly face Karl. Karl did the same too, and the two boys sat horizontally on the sofa, facing each other and chatting about whatever happened.
Karl giggled. “I think a little love story once in a while, is, to say the least, good for my mental health.” They both laughed at that statement because both knew it was true. Nick wondered if Karl meant to address what Dream and George were going through, but decided not to ask.
“So,” Karl said. “Do you want to head out for a walk before lunch or do you want to game for a bit?”
If Nick was to be honest to himself, going outside with Karl, looking like a couple under the scorching sun might not be the best idea he ever had, but Karl looked eager to show Nick everything around and was talking about the aquarium he liked as a child, and Nick wouldn’t be cruel enough to turn down Karl’s offer.
“Yup,” Nick smiled. “Just give me a bit, I need sunscreen. Otherwise I turn like, super red, like Vision, but worse.” He gestured to his face, and Karl giggled again at his comment.
“Yeah go do that. I’ll clean up and we’ll head out in 5?” Karl asked and Nick nodded and hopped off the couch, only to almost fall on his face. Karl, again, found that hilarious and Nick was only glad that his stupid actions are enough to make the sunshine boy happier.
The sunscreen smelled like flowers too.
Moments later, Nick found himself trailing behind his brunette friend, walking down the street under the bright sun — he was right about sunscreen — towards the general direction of the aquarium. Karl insisted that they didn’t need a map because it was so close that they could see it in a few blocks if they were a couple feet taller. (Neither of them took offense in the fact that they were both 5’10”). Karl stopped every so often to wait for Nick who would always be embarrassed that Karl had to wait for him so every time the latter did, the former would sprint for a little bit. They laughed and joked about random things, sharing stories they probably already shared before. Both of them didn’t joke about the Dream Team though, for obvious reasons.
“Do you think George and Dream will get better someday?” Nick asked all of a sudden. He immediately regretted it, because Karl turned around and suddenly walked slower, in sync with Nick. “You know what, forget-”
Karl interrupted. “So that’s what you’ve been thinking about all day,” Nick sighed, finally coming to a realization that Karl ultimately noticed his drifting thoughts. “And yeah, I think so. Both of them are, well, as much as I know, strong people. George might be away now, but he’s finding his own piece of mind. Dream is taking his time too, and I know he likes to blame himself a lot, but he’ll get out of it eventually. It’ll take time, but they will.”
“So do you think they’ll be the same as before?” Nick asked. His mind shattered at the thought of the Dream Team completely breaking up: they were his best friends, and still are. He couldn’t help but hold back that thought, and was hoping Karl could somehow comfort him.
Karl put a hand on Nick’s shoulder. It was warm, but not uncomfortable. He knew Karl’s love language was touch, and he accepted it full heartedly.
“Do you want me to say what you want to hear or what I really think?” Karl’s voice turned into a small whisper.
Nick debated upon those choices.
“Actually,” Nick said. “Let’s not talk about that right now. We’re here, right?” Nick pointed at the gate in front, gesturing to Karl, who looked at Nick for a second with an expression Nick would probably not like to decipher and quickly turned into a smile.
“We’ll talk about it later then,” Karl patted Nick on the back before both heading to purchase tickets. Apparently they were doing a summer event, so Nick’s ticket was half the price, which Nick insisted to pay Karl but was rejected by the brunette by claiming that “I dragged you to this, it is only fair if I pay for you.” With a smiley face. Nick was convinced that even if God was there in front of them, He would’ve been convinced by that smile. He threw his hands up and surrendered.
There weren’t many people, probably because of the growingly intense heat. Karl murmured about how they should’ve gone outside before watching the movie, and Nick couldn’t help but agree. But, hey, at least the aquarium had AC. That was enough. The moment they stepped into the building, Nick was relieved from the heat, and from the looks of his friend, so did Karl. The brunette immediately zipped his jacket which was hanging on his waist just a few seconds ago. He grabbed onto Nick’s hand (and the two were holding hands for the moment, and Nick was sure freaking out) before dragging the raven towards the closest tank. In the tank were purple and cyan fish, which Nick made a mental note of calling them Karlfish because they matched the brunette’s game avatar, swimming around the tank like they didn’t care about anything. Lights from the top scattered on the water, sending strings of light that bounced off the scales of the Karlfish and into the pair’s eyes. Karl sent a small “wow” through the glass.
“These are so cool,” Karl said, eyes never leaving the small creature’s movements. They were still holding hands too, and that made Nick become a little giddy. He tried his best to focus on the fish too.
“Sometimes I do want to be fish,” Nick remarked. Karl looked at him and smiled. “They don’t seem like they care about anything.”
“Or you never know,” Karl shrugged. “Maybe they think about things too, you just don’t know. Like, how I sometimes never know what you’re thinking, and you don’t know what I’m thinking either.”
“So you’re implying that you’re a fish and so am I?” Nick asked, clearly knowing that was not where the conversation was going. Both of them giggled and moved on to the next few tanks.
They were slightly less entertaining, but fun to see nonetheless. One of them had the smallest of fish swimming in circles around the tank, sending color to all the visitors, and another had just two sea cucumbers and a lonely fish (which, although Nick forgot the name for, looked a little dumb) sitting in the tank. Nick wondered if sea cucumbers thought about anything. And then they moved on to the larger tank, in the smack middle of the aquarium. It was very hard to miss, since it reflected blue light into every corner and crevice of the place and the closer you get to it, the more mesmerizing the tank becomes.
Parrotfish. Rockfish. Groupers. Smaller silver fish that Nick couldn’t tell the names of. And many more.
“Sappy, look!” Karl got excited all of a sudden and held on tighter to Nick’s hand. He realized that they were still holding hands after at least 15 minutes. “Big shark!”
And Karl was right. Above them was a large, white tip finned shark swimming casually, the shadow casted onto Karl’s face like a veil, masking the pretty brown eyes that he spent forever studying in fan arts, screenshots, and in person. He could never get tired of them.
“You like them?” Nick asked.
“Yeah,” Karl quickly answered as if there was not an alternative answer to say. “Yeah. They’re my favorite beast. I’ve never really been able to interact with a shark before, it’s a shame. Perhaps when I get a little bit older, I might get a diving license and go feed sharks for once in Australia or something.” He was still looking at the sharks, completely unaware of how Nick kept on stealing glances at him.
“That sounds hell’a cool,” Nick admitted, “When you go, please invite me. I don’t want you to die alone to sharks though.” Karl laughed and tore his gaze off of the sharks for once before slapping Nick on the arm, again, with his vacant hand. It seems that Karl didn’t have any plans to take his hands off of Nick, and Nick happily went along with it.
“I won’t die, dummy,” Karl argued. “They have like, cages and honk. It’s super cool once you see it.” Nick giggled and nodded before heading off to a few other tanks. Karl seemed also very interested in the garden eels, which Nick found to eerily resemble snakes (he hated them); both of them were very surprised when they heard that the penguins were about to be fed so they rushed past an array of tanks just to witness the sight.
“Aww,” Nick said, leaning onto a railing to get a better loon on the cute, flightless birds. “They’re so short and cute.” “They look a little like you,” Karl added, “With the white and the blacks.”
Nick laughed. “No they don’t, I’m not that short. I don’t have stubby feet and I don’t look cute, at all.” Karl frowned at that.
“I think you’re cute enough,” He said. “Also, I consider Alex to be plenty short. I’m just slightly taller than Alex and you’re just slightly taller than me. So you’re short too. We’re all short. It’s ok to admit that.” Karl grinned.
Nick just tried his best to not think about how his crush, the sunshine boy, just called him “cute.”
After getting a good look on the penguins, both decided that it was about time for lunch. Lucky for them, the food court was close, and they rushed to grab themselves something to eat. Nick’s feet were getting sore anyways.
Karl chose a small chicken wrap, apple juice, and a small slice of what looks like fudge cake. Nick, on the other hand, chose teriyaki chicken rice and orange juice. This time, Nick insisted that he should check out, and Karl wasn’t determined enough to argue back. They found a seat close to a window that just overlooked the beach in the far end and ate. The two boys exchanged comments on the fish they just saw and the penguins and came to a conclusion that they should stay here for a little longer than they originally planned, and at about 4 p.m. they’d go to the beach for a drink or two before just hanging out there.
“Um,” Nick said. “We don’t have swim trunks.”
“We don’t have to swim though, if you don’t want to.” Karl remarked and Nick responded with a slight nod. The last thing he’d want is to see his crush without a top and wearing a wet garment. He really wasn’t in the right mindset for anything like that. Karl agreed too, and soon enough the two were back in the aquarium with juice bottles in their hands. Nick missed Karl’s soft fingers around his.
Soon enough, they were already heading outside. The sun was still hanging above the pavement, but it seems as if it had hidden itself a little under the cotton candy clouds so that it was still hot, but cool enough to stay outside. The two mutually decided to walk there to the beach so when they get there, it would be just enough time to get a drink, talk, sit down, and watch the sun set into the horizon.
“Hang on a second,” Nick said when they were walking in the middle of nowhere.
“Why?” Karl inquired, but Nick just gestured for the brunette to stay where he was as Nick dashed off into a store on the side of the street. He saw a notebook that Karl might like in the windows. It was purple and shining, like a gem. It also had golden brims, which matched how Nick saw Karl, every day and night, in streams and in real life. His sudden urge to purchase it for his crush had grown to a point he couldn’t hold it anymore.
He barged, with politeness, into the store, slightly scaring one of the employees whom he apologized to as soon as their eyes met, and went for the thing he wanted so bad.
“Getting it for yourself?” A female employee came and asked. Nick shook his head slightly.
“For the boy outside, do you think he’d like it?” Nick gestured towards Karl, who was looking down at his phone, with his chin and looked at the employee. She had a name tag on her left chest, saying “Amy.”
Amy pondered for a while. “Sorry for asking, but you’re getting him this as a friend or as something else?”
“Something else but I want him to think as a friend,” Nick quickly said, somehow afraid that Karl might hear, even if they were a glass pane and almost 4 feet apart. “Why, does this have a special meaning or something?”
“It’s modeled after amethyst, the crystal, you know?” Amy asked and Nick gave her a quick nod. “It means loyalty, and I think it’s appropriate enough. Maybe not exactly what you’re going for but I think he’d like it. Plus, you look at him like you’re looking at the stars, and I don’t see why you shouldn’t get it for him.” Amy said. Nick held the book in his hands, trying the weight, gently tossing it around, and trying to distract himself from his yet another blush.
“Yeah, you’re right. He’s my sun.” Nick whispered and thanked Amy before walking to the cashier. He asked if they could wrap it up for him and they happily agreed. Before Nick turned to walk out of the store, Amy called for him and smiled.
“Good luck,” Amy said. “Hope the next time I see you here is when you have his hands in yours.”
“Thank you,” Nick said. “Means a lot.” As he walked out of the glass doors, a wrapped present in a pretty little bag in hand.
Karl, upon seeing Nick, came walking towards the raven while tucking his phone away. Nick was probably still blushing, but even if Karl asks, he could say it’s because of the heat. Excuses like that passes, anyways.
“What did you get?” Karl asked as they returned on their path to the beach again. Nick waved his head slightly in the air, ignoring Karl’s questions as just kept on walking, hands behind his back.
“I don’t know.” Nick giggled as he picked up the pace, only to turn backwards to face Karl as they walked. Karl was pouting, but his eyes were filled with nothing but joy.
He giggled too. “Mysterious. Mysterious man.”
Another half an hour passed before they arrived at the beach. The place wasn’t as packed as they thought it would be, and there were many empty hammocks and those two people swings that lay quietly under the palm trees. They picked a double-person swing to sit on.
“So,” Karl started, looking at his toes. “Do you feel more comfortable talking about what we started this morning? Or do you still need some time. I don’t want you to feel pressured but you looked like you needed to talk about it, so…”
“Yeah,” Nick blurted out. His thoughts had been darting to Dream and George too often that day, even if Karl was everything on his mind.
Karl sighed.
“Okay. First, if I was to be truthful, I don’t think things are going to get back to what they were like before,” Karl took a deep breath in and out, and Nick followed suit. “It’s going to look like it, someday, but just for the fans. George might get over Dream, and Dream might learn to forgive himself, but neither of them can forget what happened, and neither would you, Nick. It would always be different, and that’s how love works. I don’t believe in how, after couples break up, they could still be friends, because love leaves scars, and they could be covered up, but never healed.” Karl was looking straight at Nick.
Nick didn’t return the glance. “But I’m scared, Karl. I’m scared. For them, for the team, and for me.”
Karl just nodded.
“Is there someone on your mind too, Nick?”
That was a question Nick didn’t expect. He thought they were only talking about Dream and George, about how Nick was scared that Dream and George would never be the same again, and the Dream Team would be forever gone, forever in the past. He thought they were talking about love in general. Nick didn’t understand how Karl jumped to that conclusion, and was even more scared about how Karl was completely correct.
“Why would you ask that?” Nick retorted in a soft tone.
Karl cleared his throat. “Because I know you, Nick. I know you more than I think you do.”
You don’t. Nick’s heart wanted to shout, to swear. But he gathered himself again. It wasn’t the time to break out on Karl. He knew better.
“Should I be scared too?” Nick’s voice broke.
Karl fidgeted with his sleeve.
“Maybe, or maybe not. Nick, you shouldn’t be asking me for advice. You should be asking yourself,”
“But it’s you who I’m afraid of loving.” Nick’s heart shouted again.
“It’s not a decision for me to make, but if you want it, go for it. If you want to second guess yourself, I won’t push either. I don’t know who that lucky girl or boy, is,” Karl’s voice faltered a little bit at that. Nick didn’t pick it up. “But I’m sure there is a fat chance they like you back. You’re very likable.”
“Thank you Karl,” Nick sniffled, and didn’t realize he was on the verge of crying. He bit back his tears and smiled. “I’m so sorry for making you go through this with me. But how does bobba tea sound right now?” He didn’t want to think about it anymore, so the promised drink sounds good. Karl nodded and got up before hauling Nick up on his feet.
“I saw one on the way here,” Karl pointed. “Let’s go there.”
The bobba tea was sweeter than Nick had anticipated, but it didn’t matter, because the air around him was sweet too. He couldn’t figure out whether if it was from Karl or from the flowers on the side of the road, but at that point he assumed it was both. The brunette was happily sipping on his drink, which was also tea, but with a touch of lemongrass. He had never seen that combination before, but upon seeing Karl’s expressions, it was probably worth a try. He wrote himself a metal note to do that someday later.
—— [Author’s note: Water break! You need one!] ——
Nick didn’t know how long they took before the sun went down.
The two of them chatted about Youtube, about friends, about other random shit as they finished their tea and went somewhere for dinner. Both of them got small but amazing pizzas as they stared into the ocean and at a few kids who were running across the beach.
And now they were heading to the place Karl mentioned yesterday night. “It’s super pretty! With like puddles and stuff! I’m pretty sure there’s a bench there or something.” Was what he said.
Nick was still clutching onto the present he got for Karl, thinking about what he wanted to do in the next few hours. In truth, he had about two options.
The first option would be to bite everything back. Swallow it down, like the last bit of tea that’s a little bitter. That way, he wouldn’t have to care about being rejected, being hurt. They’d be the same, like always. Karl would still be one of his best friends, and he’d still be Karls. Karlnap would just be a fan-exclusive ship name for the two of them when they do something even close to being romantic together. He’d like that, but it might not be enough.
The second option would be to tell him, right then. When they settle down for the sunset. In complete honesty, Nick was absolutely freaked out at the thought that he’d tell Karl about his crush, about everything he had thought of the brown haired sunshine boy for the past 6 months. Sure, there was a chance that Karl liked him back, but what are the odds? Everyone thought Dream liked George; in fact, before George confessed, the Brit called Nick for help, and Nick enthusiastically urged him on, stating that “there is no way Clay doesn’t like you, I mean, he’s been flirting with you since, like forever.” It might be selfish of him, but he didn’t want the same scene to replay on him.
He sighed as he silently followed Karl. The sky was turning orange, almost into the warmest shade of purple. Nick watched while he made the biggest decision of his life. He wondered whether if the clouds could stay like that, so that he wouldn’t have to decide. He’d just be on the road, forever staring at the boy he loved with all his heart.
Forever sounded like a nice word, although everyone knew that there was no “forever.”
And for George, he wouldn’t sulk forever. He would get better, like everyone else. As for Dream, he wouldn’t blame himself for forever; he would come back, apologize when George does, and it’ll become part of the past. Nick knew he couldn’t stay there for forever, but he could only try.
“Karl,” Nick called. The said man, no, boy, turned around and smiled. “Stay there, I want to take a photo of you under the sunset.” He raised his phone and started the camera option.
Nick didn’t use a filter. He didn’t need it when the most beautiful piece of art was right there in front of him, in screaming, raging colors. Karl posed in front of him, with a peace sign and a beautiful expression as he snapped, attempting to capture the moment for forever and ever, in a small black phone he knew would probably break soon. He would try to not think about that.
“Send it to me—” Karl said as he rushed back to Nick to get a glimpse of the picture. “God the lighting does look good. Thank you Nick!” Oh how Nick wished the brunette boy was his and exclusively his.
“Oh we’re here! I’m going to play with the water for a while and if you don’t want to come you can sit on that bench over there,” Karl pointed towards a small bench on the side. It was surrounded by an array of small ponds that looked like would house small crustaceans, and Nick decided he needed a little time for his own, so he nodded. “Alright, see you there!” Karl shouted as he ran off, shoving his purple jacket into Nick’s hand.
Nick smiled and sighed at the same time.
Walking towards the bench, he wondered if Karl would be happy if Nick told him everything, from every single detail to why he thought the sunshine boy was so pretty and attractive, and if that would make him happier. Karl must think that Nick had something in mind. He didn’t want Karl to worry for him, even though he was obviously going through something in his head.
Nick sighed.
He decided that he should just stare into the distance, watching the silhouette of his crush wading in the water, occasionally bending over to pick up a rock or a shell of some sort and putting it in his pocket. Nick marveled at how simple pleasure came to the brown haired boy. He wished he could be like that too.
Nick began mumbling to himself at the sight of the brown haired boy under the sunset.
“Hey Karl, do you ever like, wonder how good of a person you are? Because I can tell you that. You’re the kindest person on Earth, wait, scratch that, in the entire universe. Whenever you show up, you’re like the stars up above. You always make me happy just by sitting there, or standing there. Just by being there you make my world light up. You are like sunlight, warm and welcoming; your touches make me feel like a small heath is bubbling inside me, in a good way of course. They say touch is your love language and I always wish that whenever you touch me, you mean ‘I love you,’ but I don’t know if you can mean it, Karl,” Nick sniffled and paused. He waited for when he had the right mindset to continue, even though if he was just speaking to himself — the boy he wanted to tell this to was so far away he couldn’t possibly hear.
“You wouldn’t like me back, which is why I’m scared to tell you all of this. I don’t want to be the next Georgenotfound. I want this to work, which is why I’m keeping it to myself. And I’ll know you would want to know… But I’m scared, I’m scared, Karl, I’m scared. Fuck!” He swore to himself, hoping that no one heard him.
Nick cried internally.
“Hey Sappy! Look at this!” Karl waved and was running at Nick. Karl was holding a stone shaped like a small flame. The stone was orange, shining under the sunset, sparkling with diamond pearls, drip, drip.
“It’s a you stone! You like it?”
God, he’s truly perfect, isn’t he?
“Karl, I like everything you give me,” Nick said, unintentionally pouring out whatever he had in mind. “C’mon, lemme see it better.” The truth was that Nick just wanted to see Karl closer up, wanted to enjoy his freckles under the sunset. As Karl arrived to the bench, he handed the stone to the raven, of which the latter held the small thing to his heart, like his avatar.
“Thank you, Karl,” He smiled and wished that the ambient light hid his blushes well enough. He didn’t want Karl to find out, even though it was something he had been telling himself for the past ten minutes. “Are you tired? Do you want to sit down?”
Karl nodded and sat down besides Nick.
“What were you thinking about when I was picking up stones?” Karl asked, showing Nick more stones and shells he found on the beach.
“Hmmm, wouldn’t you like to know?” Nick meant that.
Karl shifted in his seat, sitting on his hands. “Yeah, I think I do.”
Both stared into the sun, as if on cue. Only the last bits of the round, giant celestial object was still showing, revealing a large screen of moon, stars, and night. Nick stayed in silence as he watched the sun fall into the waters, painting the sea with red and oranges, separating the sky and the ground with immense colors. Karl silently sat besides, maybe watching Nick, maybe enjoying the sunset. Nick liked to think it was the former.
Skies darkened, and quick.
Karl cleared his throat again. “Nick, what is it do I have to do to make you tell me what you have on your mind? Because you’re looking really down right now, and I don’t want to see you sad, at all. So please, tell me?”
Nick sighed, and fiddled with his thumbs. That stone in his chest was still there, not falling, not rising. Just there. He felt stuck in the middle, and decided to address it by staying silent and looking at the small pools of stars.
“Nick,” Karl was more assertive this time. “I meant it. I don’t want to see my best friend all sad and torn up like this.”
“It’s just that.” Nick whispered.
“What?”
“It’s exactly what you just said.” Nick murmured again, turning his face away from Karl.
Karl shifted closer to Nick.
“But I just said that I don’t want to see you so down and torn up,” Karl repeated, and Nick nodded. “And you’re telling me you’re sad because you don’t want me to see you sad?”“It doesn’t make sense, does it?” Nick managed to make his voice fade within the winds. Good job, Nick, for keeping it so subtle. He shot at himself with his words from the inside.
Karl quickly shook his head. “No. Well, yeah, it doesn’t really make sense. Can you please tell me more?”
Nick didn’t say anything, or move his glance away from the puddles. Instead, he answered by pulling out the wrapped gift from behind him and passed it to Karl.
“Wait,” Karl said. “For me?” Nick nodded and signalized Karl to open the package as he started speaking.
“I don’t know where to start,” Nick started with a whisper. “But Karl, I, I’m just scared. When I left Dream’s apartment for you yesterday morning, Dream had been on the couch, staring at the TV that was off. He was just there, and I couldn’t imagine what George was doing,” He could see Karl holding onto the now-unwrapped book. The purple, sparkling cover shone under the starlight. “but I know that they’re all hurt and bruised. And I always tell myself that I’ll be stronger than them but it just made me more scared day by day. And… and I’ve been meaning to address this to myself for a while now, but I just don’t know what I should do and… I’m here right now, obviously, and I don’t think I have the guts to hide my feelings anymore. But I’m so scared too, Karl. I just couldn’t figure out how you’d react to what I’m going to say next. I know we have like, a week here, but—”
“Hang on,” Karl interrupted, “Where is this goi- is this a-”
Nick suddenly had the urge to giggle. Karl sometimes was the bluntest person ever, but that still didn’t stop him from being the one that Nick loved the most. Nick turned the giggle into a smile.
“…yeah. God. I don’t really know at this point now. Just, I, I just didn’t want it to turn out the wrong way, I guess. You don’t have to do anything about it. You know? Stay silent, agree, turn me down, turn around and go… whatever. You do what you want, and I would accept your answers. Again, this isn’t how I planned things to go, so you have any right to do whatever you want.” Nick finally turned his head to lock eyes with the brunette, whose expressions were beyond comprehensible at that moment in time. Nick could feel a single tear welling up in one of his eyes but he willed it to not drop, knowing it’ll make Karl sad.
“Oh my god.” Karl just managed to say while clutching onto the book Nick just gave him. Nick smiled a little more, enjoying what he thought might be the last time he would ever bring this up to Karl again. Behind the boy he called “sunshine,” a shooting star went by.
Just as when Nick closed his eye to make a wish, he felt his lips meet another.
His eyelids opened instantly and was almost blinded by the brown hair that was in front of his face. One of the brunette’s hands was on the back of the chair and the other one lazily behind Nick’s neck. The raven was too surprised to react, and soon (sooner than he’d like it), the brunette pulled back.
“Fuck, Karl,” Nick’s eyes widened as the sunshine boy smiled. “does that mean you…”“Yeah, dummy, you mean the world to me, and I hope you know that,” Karl beamed, his smile full with passion and warmth, and Nick thought that, even if the morning never came again, he’d still have daylight, because Karl was the sun.
Nick leaned closer. “Can I…?” Karl nodded.
It was a sight, and a pretty one, with the shape of two boys — a sun for one and the world for the other — joining lips and breathing into each other’s souls together, on a bench by the sea in a summer evening under the stars. There was no one besides them, and even if there were, the boys will still stay together for seconds and minutes because they didn’t grow tired of each other’s scent, their touch, and their love.
—
That was a sight he wanted to keep forever: for ever and ever.
—