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Chapter Text

When all is said and done.

Vanessa’s POV.

Chapter 1

With a start I realised its nearly six months since I got the picture from Tracy telling me the love of my life was cheating while I had cancer. Oh my Mother had a field day and as she reminded me frequently she never liked Charity and never knew what I saw in her, Tarty piece she called her. So why do I still cry quietly at night, why does Johnny still want to be with her so much, and why cant I stop loving her. It’s a mess. Annoyingly it’s a mess I am trying really hard to avoid. When ever I speak to Tracy she gleefully tells me that she was never good enough for me, and she is a drunken bloody mess. I have also taken to avoiding talking to Rhona at all. Not that she agrees with Tracy. In fact the opposite she thinks I should go home. If that’s what Emmerdale is for me now.
I have more or less recovered from my cancer treatment and I am pretty much back to full fitness. My head is still in turmoil, not just because of Charity. The kidnap is also haunting my dreams now and sleep is becoming quite an issue. Maybe I need to speak to Manpreet. I’m sure I can do that on the phone. I am nowhere near ready to go back. I’m really not sure I ever will be. My heart is completely broken. I really believed she loved me. I must have just been fooling myself. So why did it feel so real.
My phone is ringing and its Rhona, I ought to answer I haven’t spoken to her for so long now, I thought she had given up.
“ Hi Rhona, sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner.”
“ No worries, Look Ness I don’t know if I should be phoning to tell you this but if I don’t you might not forgive me and I know Tracy wont tell you. Ness Charity tried to kill herself last night and it was pure luck that she was found. She is in a coma in Hotten General. I just thought you should know. Im sorry.”
My blood ran cold and the shock rendered me speechless.
“ B....b…….But she will be ok …right ? “
“ I honestly don’t know Ness.”
“ I need to come and see her Rhona, I think I need to come even if just to check the kids are ok .”
“ Look Ness I think I had better meet you there a lot has happened and im not sure any of her kids are that bothered.”
“ W…W…What … that cant be right. I will meet you there Rhona.”
I rushed and asked my Mother to watch Johnny, told her there was an emergency at the Vets that I had to meet Rhona , as near the truth as I could. And I rushed out the door. I could barely get my car keys in the ignition. No matter what she has done she doesn’t deserve to die. How can she think this is an answer to anything. I need to know what’s been going on.
It takes far too long , but eventually I pull up in the car park and rush inside.
There I see Rhona standing in the main reception waiting for me.
“ Hi Ness im so sorry this is how I see you again. You look well. They wont tell me anything and I have no idea if any family is here. You need to ask.
“ Hi Can you tell me where I can find Charity Dingle please.”
“ Are you a relative ?”
“ Im her wife.”
“ Right, well because of Covid it can only be you to see her. Please follow the blue line to ICU.”
“ Thank you. Sorry Rhona , looks like I can only go in on my own, Will you wait and I will come back and tell you what I find out and then maybe you can fill me in.”
“ Yes I think I really need to Ness.”
I followed the taped blue line and as I got to the door to ICU im asked to put on a plastic pinny and gloves, I already have a mask on. I walk in and im directed to her cubicle. There is the vibrant , noisy full of life woman I love looking small and grey , She has lost weight and her hair is messy. Her eyes are dark and sunken. I cant believe what im seeing. There are all wires and tubes and the mashines are beeping. I think at that moment I know how she must have felt when I was stabbed.
“ Er hello are you Charity Dingles wife ?”
“ Yes are you her Doctor ?”
“ Yes, were you away as no one has been with her at all since she was bought in last night. I need to tell you whats happening with her.”
“ Yes unfortunately I was a few hours away and only got a call a few hours ago. Please tell me how she is , is she going to be ok .”
“ We hope so , it really depends on when or if she comes out of this coma. We have done everything we can at the moment. No one seems clear on what she took or when she took it. We do have her stable and we can just hope that she wakes up soon. If she hasn’t woken up in the next 48 hours we will take the ventilator off and see is she is able to breath with out it.”
“ Oh my god, I understand. Its all been a horrible shock. Can I stay with her please ?”
“ Yes you can. May I ask has she been depressed and is she being treated for depression.”
“ No doctor im sure she is not. We have been estranged lately and this really has hit me hard. I need to go talk to my fiend outside but I will come back later.”
“ Ok thank you Mrs Dingle I will see you tomorrow and we will see how she is doing then.”
I cant be bothered to tell him im not Mrs Dingle, I should have been by now.
Rhona is outside sitting in the late afternoon sun and its quite a warm day for the beginning of April.
“ Rhona I think I need you to tell me whats been going on. I know I have stopped you before. It just still hurts so much.”
“ Oh Ness, Look I know she can be an idiot and she doesn’t think before she acts, but she has been devastated losing you and Johnny. Her life has literally fallen apart. She started drinking when you finished it and you sent her away. She hasn’t been sober for a long time. She has left Moses at Ross’s all this time.
She says she’s no good for him, Noah and Sarah were taken to Cain and Moira’s when she stopped buying any food or being conscious for much of the day. She could be found crying in the kids park and swigging drunkenly out of a bottle of cider. She just cant cope right now. I know Ness you will say its her own fault and to some extent I agree, but you weren’t here when you were at your Mum’s to start with. She missed you terribly and she was becoming more and more paranoid that you had stopped wanting her or loving her. That’s why I was nagging you to be in contact with her more , we could see her falling apart even then.When you didnt come home the day of the adoption that convinced her she was right and she was so upset and lost. Much later on a couple of months ago She managed to pull herself together and started talking to the older two kids and was getting them back on side when Noah announced he was going in the army to get away from her and become an engineer. She tried to talk him into doing it from Uni and to raise the money she did what Charity always does she got involved with that arse hole Mac and broke into Home Farm. He set her up and Noah went to her rescue getting himself arrested in the process.”
“ Hang on , according to Tracy isn’t Mac the guy Charity was having the affair with and I assumed still with ?”
“ Well yes sort of , but there was no affair. He drove his car into the side of hers and they started shouting at one and other , then he got all flirty, and she didn’t see the kiss coming. She ran off ashamed and embarrassed. She had no idea how he was until he turned up in the village later and he told he was Moira’s brother. He was winding Tracy up because it would sink her chances of getting you to believe the truth. She never has been in a relationship with him or anyone else that I know of. Anyway her and Noah sort of made up and she signed the papers for the army, then she thought he was hiding his kidney problem and she rang the medical center where he was going for his fitness tests and when Noah didn’t tell them they didn’t accept him because he lied. He came back and laid into Charity , said some awful things including you and Johnny not being ruined by her and she slapped him in front of Chas.. Then she got between Debbie and Priya when they both discovered Al was seeing them both and she told him how they ripped him off and in a drunken start asked him upstairs. He didn’t go , but he did record her and then play it to Debbie. So you see the whole family turned against her. “
“ Jesus Rhona, they are a bunch of idiots she always puts herself on the line for them and they just judge her. That must make running the pub difficult.”
“ Well Ness, Debbie through her out of Jacobs fold when she came back when she found out Sarah was involved with Danny again and then Chas through her out of the pub and made it clear she had to sell her share.”
“ You have got to be kidding me.”
“ No and Marlon bought her share. I know all of this because he feels rather guilty about all of it and how she has been treated .I see you are looking puzzled. Im seeing Marlon again, we have been seeing each other for a few months now and its really wonderful. But he has been telling me about Charity.”
“ Rhona I don’t know what to say, all this time I thought she had had an affair and I cant believe what’s happened. Even if she had had an affair I would still want to be here. I cant believe her bloody family , Not Marlon cause I know he feels bad. But still he is going along with it. I take they have excommunicated her again.”
“ Yes stupid I know. It was Diane that came to her rescue and gave her a room. She has been the only one to show her any kindness. I have seen her a few times for a quick chat , but the more she drank the harder that became. Im going to have to get back Ness. I really am sorry and I hope she improves , I really do. I know you won’t believe this but over the time you two were together I could see how brilliant you were together and how much she adored you, she was different with you and I really liked her then. Bye love . Take care.”
I watched Rhona drive away and I returned to the ICU and sat next to Charity’s bed and looked at her , Finally I let the tears fall. What had we all done.

To be continued………

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

I am sitting next to Charity’s bed crying like a baby, maybe she really did love me. This is just making my confusion even worse, I cant believe the whole family saw her in that state and then turned their back on her. They must have realised how upset she was , or maybe they didn’t take any notice. Why didn’t Chas help? I know she wasn’t always the best at doing her shifts, but she was a good business partner when Chas needed her to take over the reigns for her.
Typical Dingle double standard again. And so much for Cain caring about her, if he took Sarah and Noah up to his and Moira’s he must of known. Oh my god that means Moira and Cain have made it up and she definitely had an affair and we all remember how broken up Cain was. Why didn’t he help her?.
I have had all these thoughts running around my mind all night and the sun is coming up again now. Im sore and I need to phone my mother when it’s a decent hour. I have no idea what to tell her. I think maybe I need to go and get Johnny and ask Rhona if she can help. Or at worst have him here with me.
The time finally reaches 8 am and I phone my mother and explain the truth, She surprises me and says she will have Johnny even if she has no idea why I am sitting by the bedside of that woman. I explain again that I still love her and would not want her dead and she is Johnny’s other parent. My mother yet again says she has no idea why I did that. When I ring off im exhausted with lack of sleep , worry and feeling sick that Charity could die. I don’t think I have ever been so scared, not even with my cancer. The thought then of not being with her again if I died was horrible , this is so much worse because I would be left in a world with out her. My heart aches as it has so much over these past months. I know I should have been more open about how I was feeling. God im always telling her too, why didn’t I realise all the times she begged me to phone. I know I thought I was saving her the stress of knowing how bad I felt and what a real pain my mother was being. I did tell her some but kept the rest from her . I don’t think it ever occurred to me she would be getting insecure. Stupidly when I think about it now then I know of course she would after we split up the winter before and then the cancelled wedding and how we were after before Pierce took me. I thought I was fairly good at reading her so why didn’t I think. I guess I was using all of my energies on me right then.
I sit back down next to her and take her hand in mine and rest my head on the bed. The next thing I know the doctor is gently waking me .
“ Morning Mrs Dingle, I am just going to do some tests on your wife and she needs to have an MRI, then if all looks good we will try to remove the ventilator and see how she copes.”
“ Thank you, I think I will go and grab a coffee and some food. I will come back as soon as I have eaten”
I wander off in search of the canteen. Its all just takeaway at the moment so I take my food and drink and exit the main door and sit on a bench. At least its dry.
“ Vanessa !!”
I look up and see Noah walking uncertainly towards me.
“ Hi Noah, How are you doing love ?”
“ Are you here for mum or do you have an appointment. Do you know Mum is here ?”
“ Yes I have been with her since yesterday, Rhona phoned me. What’s been going on Noah ?”
“ She was on one again, drunk and nasty with it. We have had enough. I just thought I would ask how she is and leave.”
“ Well you could have phoned. Why are you really here “
“ Ok look I cant tell the family because we are all supposed to ignore her , but she really was bad and even so I still miss her.”
“ Me too Noah , me too.”
“ Really……you left us.”
“ Yes love im sorry I did. I think I made a huge mistake. I thought your Mum didn’t love me anymore and I think I might have been wrong. I was really angry and thinking she had an affair.”
“ No Vanessa she just kissed Mac, before she knew he was Moira’s brother. She told us after Tracy dropped her in it. We were so mad at her for that. She was drunk a lot after that.”
“ I know love , Rhona filled me in on what’s been happening. Are you still at Cains ?”
“ No we are back at Jacobs fold with Belle looking after us and Debbie left again cause she couldn’t stand the sight of her, She had already thrown her out of the house. Then Chas made her leave the pub and sell her share to Marlon. “
“ I know , are you and Sarah ok though ?”
“ Yeah I guess so, I miss Moses and Johnny. How is Johnny and sorry how are you doing now.”
“ I am ok now Noah, Johnny misses all of you. Look your Mum is having tests right now. She is in a coma and they don’t know what’s going to happen. I am the only one who can go in right now. As soon as she wakes up I will let you know and you can swap with me ok ?”
“ Ok thanks Ness. I miss you too.”
Oh how I have missed that cute shy look when Noah says something nice and then looks so awkward. I cant hug him but I tell him I have missed them all and I love him that hasn’t changed and no matter what happens with his Mum ,me and Johnny are going to come back. He looks happy at that and walks away smiling.
I return to the ICU ward and sit back in the chair that was next to the bed. Charity has not been bought back yet, So I wait. My fingers and everything else crossed. It hurts that all this was happening to my kids ( yes I really do feel they are regardless ) and I was hiding out at my mother’s god how old am I . Why have I got all this so wrong. I know regardless of what happens between Charity and I when she wakes up ( cause she has to ) I need to be around for my kids and Johnny needs his family back. I text Rhona and tell her im gonna move back. She replies how happy she is and she will help work out somewhere to live.
Then Charity is wheeled back in and taken off the portable ventilator and is hooked back up to the monitors. The doctor returns.
“ Mrs Dingle everything is looking good and I cant see any reason why Charity wont be able to breath for herself. So we will leave her for an hour then we will be back to remove the ventilator and if she does ok then we can move her to a less dependant ward.”
“ Thank you doctor. I will stay here with her.”
Left to my own thoughts again. I text Debbie and tell her that im with her Mum and that I know all that has gone on . If I needed to could I move into Jacobs fold as I was going to return to the village. And waiting for her reply I think maybe Belle wont be best pleased. It just makes sense to me to be back to what I regarded as home and with my family. Debbie answers and says that’s fine with her and thinks that would be good for Sarah. But she makes it quite clear she doesn’t want Charity there for any reason. I agree to that, even though I disagree with the way she is acting. So I ask her if she is aware her Mum is in hospital. She replies that she had heard that Charity was trying to get attention again. I am so angry at that reply it is all I can do not to phone her and give her piece of my mind. I don’t realise but I let out a small growl just as the doctor and nurse are walking up to the bed.
“ Sorry, Bloody families “ And give a weak laugh.
They proceed to take some of the machinery off of Charity and watch carefully as they remove the breathing tubes. I hold my breath and pray a little just before Charity seems to become restless and then breaths loudly. I take a large breath and release slowly as she continues to breath un aided.
“ Well Mrs Dingle that’s a very hopeful sign. Now im afraid we just wait. I will keep her here for the rest of today and if she remains stable we will move her in the morning.”
“ Thank you Doctor.”
I am left alone again. Oh please Charity wake up. I need to see your gorgeous green eyes and see if there is any love left in them…..Please.

To be continued……

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

It been another sleepless night. Charity has been the same and the doctor was pleased she is stable, they will move her later today. I have asked for a side room and offered to pay for that. I just felt that when she wakes up she might not be pleased with still being alive and I am not really sure how she will react to me being here. My thoughts last night were on the last few months I was home with her and the kids and all the things we went through. I know we were having a difficult time after the sort of wedding and before I was taken. I wasn’t just mad at her because of her crazy rash decision making, but myself for feeling so panicked and worried about possibly being ill or dying. I cant even imagine how Charity felt when I just disappeared, I don’t know how I would have coped. She never got angry with me or questioned me. Charity was just so glad to have me home safe. Then when I had to tell her, being mad because she didn’t just accept it in an hour and react the way I wanted her to. Charity in truth acted like I did when I found out. So why was I so bloody hard on her. She got it together a lot quicker than me in reality and was far more supportive than I gave her credit for. Then on top of all that she went to the ends of the earth to adopt Johnny because I wanted her to and because she adores him. He of course is crazy about Charity.
The came the start of the pandemic, no one could see that coming or the changes it would make to our lives. We went to Scotland so we could all stay together and I was wonderfully isolated there. I felt safe as my immune system was compromised. Leaving there and traveling home, because of my next round of Chemo I knew it was best to leave me at my Mothers and that was the last time I physically saw Charity until the day in court to finalise Johnny’s adoption. I was so cold with her and distant. She didn’t deserve that, She didn’t deserve the distance I had put there by my lack of communication, She didn’t know I thought I was dying and had convinced myself she would be better not so close to me for when I eventually died. How could I possibly think that would be better. I can see now how much that must have hurt her. Rhona was trying to tell me. I reacted like the rest of her bloody family by just thinking she wanted attention. Oh god please let me have a chance to say all this to her. She deserved better. I know and have always known she was no saint and could be selfish , but she hadn’t been the past months and I repaid her like that. I feel I am beginning to realise that being locked up by Pierce and having Johnny away from me has affected me and has had an ongoing fear of everything going wrong and ending badly.
Its late morning now and im still sitting here holding Charity’s hand and gently stroking her hand. I feel her hand move very slightly , I watch her hand now to see if I was imagining it. No it definitely moves again. As I look up I look straight into the most gorgeous green eyes I have ever seen.
“ Charity, thank god you have woken up. How do you feel ?”
“ I….. Wh….were am I ?
Her voice is croaky and quiet as if she has a sore throat. I jump up and go to the door to let the nurse know that she is awake. Then back by her bedside. Charity is looking confused and I suddenly think .
“ Charity you tried to hurt yourself and Rhona phoned me, I came straight away. You are in Hotten General. I will let Noah know you are awake he has been so worried.”
Charity looked even more surprised at that.
“ Vanessa….Is it really you. Why are you here for me ?”
“ Yes Charity its really me, Of course im here. I care about you.”
“ You left me.”
“ I know, I need to get you well again.”
“ No point babe. Just leave me to it .”
“ I cant do that “
“ Yes you can and you did.”
“ Charity im not leaving again”
“ You said you wouldn’t leave me before. Don’t worry I don’t deserve it “
“ Look lets get you well and we can talk. Please.”
“ Vanessa just leave me alone.”
“ I cant leave you alone , I care about you and our kids “
“ oh suddenly they are our kids again are they “
“ Please Charity , just rest for now.”
Just then the nurse arrives with the doctor not far behind.
“ Mrs Dingle its good to see you awake, How do you feel ?”
“ I have felt better, My throat is sore and dry and my head is banging and I must ask you get my ex Fiancée out of here please.”
“ Oh im sorry we thought she was your wife”
“ That’s rich Vanessa “
“ Please could you leave Mrs Dingle doesn’t need to be stressed at the moment”.
I was shown the door and I sat down outside the ward not really knowing what to do. I thought when she woke up she would be pleased to see me and we could start to talk and see how Charity was. I didn’t expect this. I texted Noah and told him she was awake and that she had asked me to leave. Maybe he could come and see her. He answered almost immediately and said he would come, and be here in about forty minutes. I made my way downstairs and grabbed a cup of tea and sat outside. I couldn’t help the tears rolling down my face. What on earth was I to do if she wouldn’t even see me.
It was nearly an hour before Noah turned up as the bus was late. He took one look at me and walked over
“ Ness please don’t cry, im sure she doesn’t mean it. She missed you so much. Its probably just shock or embarrassment you know what Mum is like. I will go talk to her.”
I sat there for another hour and it wasn’t as warm as I had hoped, but to be honest I had no idea what else to do. I didn’t feel able to leave. Noah re appeared and came over.
“ She wasn’t that keen on seeing me either , but at least she put up with me for a bit. Doctor said she is doing well and she has been moved downstairs. She says she feels a bit better. She also said there is no point people who didn’t care when she needed them turning up now.”
Noah what on earth are we going to do, I love her and im so sorry I left or rather didn’t come back. My head was all over the place. I haven’t been sleeping and now I realise even if we had fought I still should have come.”
“ I know Mum isn’t easy Ness, but she was broken when you didn’t come back that day and she was beside herself when Tracy and Rhona took Johnny.”
“ Yes that was a big mistake, He has cried for you all since then. Somehow we need to make this right. Im not saying what she did was ok but this shouldn’t have been how it turned out.”
“ Im going back to Emmerdale, What are you going to do now.”
“ I will give you a lift, if you don’t mind making a large detour to get my stuff and Johnny , I have asked Debbie if we can move back in with you and I think Belle will be glad to go home.”
“ That will be great, but everyone will know I have been here then.”
“ Oh yes, ok you go back and I will go sort my stuff and see you later. It can be surprise for you.”
“ Thanks Ness. That will great to have you back. What you gonna do about Mum.”
“ All I can do is try to see her each day and if she still wont see me then wait till she is released.”
Noah went off to catch the bus and I drove back to my Mothers. Johnny was so excited to be going home ( his words ). He chattered all the way there about seeing Moses. I tried to explain that I think he is with his Dad, but im fairly sure he didn’t listen. Then will he see Mummy Charity and Noah and Sarah. It went on like that till we arrived. As I opened the front door Sarah looked up in surprise and than a big smile crossed her face.
“ Ness, Johnny wow you re here . How are you both.”
“ We are good , how are you love. Where is Noah and Belle.”
“ How did you know Belle was looking after us ? “
“ Rhona called me about your Gran and filled me in on what’s been going on.”
“ So do you know that I told her she was dead to me and then she does this.”
“ I didn’t know that , just that you have all turned your back on her. Did she really mess up that much Sarah to deserve this.”
“ Well sort of, she made my Mum leave again and she was really sad and very angry with Gran . “
“ Yes I know that. Lets see how things go. Your Mum says I can live here again and look after you and Belle is able to go home then.”
“ Have you seen Frankie, she is very cute.”
“ I have seen her on face time and cant wait to see her in person. Shame I cant really give her a cuddle yet.”
Noah came in and acted surprised Sarah didn’t seem to notice anything odd. Johnny was so pleased to see both of them, but asked for Moses and they too explained Moses was with his Dad. When he asked when he would be back it gave me an idea. Later in the evening I called Ross and asked if anyone had told him and said no. He was shocked and said he had realised things were bad for Charity , but had no idea it was that bad. I asked as im back now whether I could have Moses for a bit back home. He agreed and although he was a little unsure when I asked if he would mind me taking him to see his Mum he did eventually agree it might help he.
The following day at visiting time I had bundled the two boys into the car and we were outside waiting for the ward to open its door. All I could think of is I really hope this works.

To be continued……..

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

As it was a side room that Charity was now in and I managed to persuade the nurses that we were in a bubble for the kids as they are shared custody. Well that is how it should be. The fact it isn’t is mainly down to me. And Charity had made no effort to get Moses back from Ross. It does allow me to bring the boys to see her. She will be surprised to see them and I really hope it’s a good surprise. I need this to work because I cant imagine not being able to speak to her about the boys and maybe us too.
They open the ward and with Johnny on one hand and Moses on the other we walk in and look for the room Charity is in. Johnny sees her first and shouts
“ Mummy Charity”
Charity looks up immediately and looks confused and still drowsy . Then her eyes find Johnny’s smiling face and the smile spreads across her face. Then she sees Moses is here too, again she smiles widely, Charity encourages them to come in and over to her. Then she looks up again and sees me, there is no smile there now. She doesn’t throw me out though so that’s at least better than last time.
I sit there watching Charity lovingly interact with our small boys and I can see how much both boys have missed her. She looks a little bit more like herself today. There is definitely more colour in her face. She occasionally glances over to me and turns quickly away when I catch her. After about half an hour of chatting and laughing with the boys she tells them to sit down and play on there games as she needs to talk to me. She turns back to me and beckons me to sit in the chair next to the bed.
As I sit down she says quietly. “ Thank you for bringing them to see me “
“ Its no problem , they have missed you. How are you feeling today.”
“ Do you mean am I going to tell you to get out again. No Vanessa im not , But please understand I don’t want to talk about anything and once the boys have had enough then you can leave. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I don’t think you would understand how embarrassed I feel being in this position . I didn’t want to be here and I certainly never expected to see you again . So I am sorry about how I reacted yesterday. But that is all I have to say.”
“ I do understand why you would feel embarrassed, but you shouldn’t and I thank god you are still here. I would never want you not to be or to ever hurt yourself. I understand that you don’t want to talk , These two are very grateful you are still in the world. They love you Charity and they are not the only ones.”
Charity looked up and looked straight into my eyes and I looked steadily back at her and nodded. “ Yes Charity I will always love you , what happened was not a lack of love on my part. Maybe when you are ready to talk to me. There are others that love you, Noah , Debbie and Sarah and probably Chas and Marlon and the rest of the bunch. I know it probably hasn’t felt like it and I have been told most of it by Rhona. And I have no way of expressing how angry at them all I am. Noah was here when I was here when you were admitted. I stayed while you were in a coma until you wanted me to leave. Noah made me promise to let him know as soon as you woke up.”
When I looked back at her having finished what I was saying I saw her eyes were shining with unshed tears and I tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled it back.
“ I don’t need your Pity Vanessa, or anyone else’s. Thank you for bringing the boys but I think its time you all left and let me be alone. That’s what im used to.”
“ Charity its not pity..”
“ Just go please Ness I cant do this .”
My heart flipped when she called me Ness , but her voice was flat and broken as it had been since she first spoke yesterday . There was no fight in it , no usual attitude and no sarky jibes. Nothing that I knew how to deal with. I tell the boys to stop playing their games and give mummy Charity a kiss goodbye. Once they have done that and they start to leave the room , I turn and look back at her one last time and try to smile and gently say “ Whether you believe it or not Charity I really do care about you and I will keep coming back until you know that. I have come home now. I should have come home sooner. Charity we all get things wrong.”
With that I turned and left. I had to the tears were starting to flow down my cheeks again. I couldn’t stand seeing her so beaten and down. Where had the spark in her gone. Had I done all this. I still have no idea if I can do anything to help her or her bloody family. Driving back to the village I start to think what I can do next. I didn’t even get to ask her or anyone when she might be out.
Later that evening I phoned Debbie and have a long and frank talk with her and by the end of it I think I was getting a better idea where she stood. I also got her to admit that what happened wasn’t really all down to her Mum and what was occurred after she was asked to leave the home she had been happy in and she had drunk her body weight in alcohol. I also challenged her as to why no one was aware how bad she was. And did it occur to any of the so called family that she might be depressed, at the very least very upset. By the end of the call I had Debbie’s agreement that if I could get Charity to come home to Jacobs fold she would be ok with that as long as Sarah was.
The following day I couldn’t just stay away, so I drove back to Hotten General while Rhona had the boys over to play with Leo. When I walked into her room she is fast asleep and I sat down next to her and just looked at her. She is and always has been the most stunning woman I have ever met and I cant stop looking at her, my heart warming as I see her face relaxed even if it is just in sleep. While she is peaceful every now and then she mutters something I cant make out. I sit there for the next hour and a half before Charity starts to wake up. I am almost dreading her seeing me and asking me to leave again.
“ You are here again then. Don’t you have anything better to do Vanessa ?”
“ No being with you is the most important thing right now.”
“ Well you are a glutton for punishment I will give you that.”
“ Have they said anything about when you can come home yet ?”
“ I don’t have a home, Please don’t start .”
“ You do have a home whenever you want it”
“ No Vanessa I don’t have a home, I had no home before this and I certainly wont have one now.”
“ Ok Charity im not going to argue with you. Have they said anything that you want to share with me ?”
“ Umm I have to be spoken to by a shrink before they will let me go. How appropriate is that eh, You always said I needed one.”
“ Charity , that’s not what I said . I don’t really know what to say right now. I just want to help you.”
“ I neither need help or deserve it Vanessa so please just give up again. You managed it before a few times now so just go with it and make everyone’s life simpler”
“ Not having you in our lives will never make my life simpler.”
Charity seems to relent or just stops answering . Even when she is disagreeing with me, there is no usual Charity in the words, just a sad defeat in her voice and her eyes. Its killing me slowly seeing her like this. I keep expecting the Charity I know to suddenly appear. After a lot more silences than anything else I say goodbye and turn to leave and just as I reach the door I hear her softly say
“ Bye Ness, Don’t worry about me . Im not your problem anymore.”
I cant turn around because im crying again. I ask the nurse before I leave the ward if there is anyway I can speak to someone about Charity. She very politely says that Ms Dingle has given them instructions not to talk to anyone about her. I reply that actually I want to tell the doctor some things not vice versa.
I give her my phone number and she says he will be back on the ward later and she will ask him to phone me.
He does phone and I am able to fill in quite a few gaps for him and tell him things that have taken place with my life and hers in the past year and the current situation with us. Also that I will do anything to help her regardless of our relationship status. He was very grateful and it helped him to know where to target help for her. The following day I go into see her again and I am very nervous as to what reception I will get. As I enter her room I can see she has been crying and I go straight to the side of her bed and reach for her hand. She looks up at me .
“ I should be furious with you, you have gone behind my back again. And you know how I feel about that.”
“ I care about you Charity, letting you go your own way hasn’t helped you and I desperately need you to be ok.”
“ Why ?”
“ Because I love you, you stupid cow.”
“ But I have not treated you well Ness how on earth can you still love me, or do you just mean care about me , and not in love with me ?”
“ I really didn’t want to have this conversation right now or like this , but yes I mean that im still in love with you . I have no idea where that will take us right now. But I do know I would do anything to help you get better.”
“ I know Ness and I haven’t made it easy. A woman called Kerry came to see me a few hours ago and we talked and she has also put me on some tablets.”
“ How did you find it , talking to her.”
“ She is nice and it was ok , I have agreed to see her again.”
I felt my heart flip as Charity was telling me this she had taken my hand, for the first time I had hope that she might be ok.

To be continued…….

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

Charity held my hand for a few more minutes then let it go and moved her hand back up the bed. I felt the lose straight away and want to pull her hand back , I just know I cant . The conversation is minimal and mainly about the boys seeing each other. Charity still seems very flat.
“ When are you seeing this lady Kerry again then. Did you make an appointment. Have they said when you can leave here and where will you go ?”
“ That’s a lot of questions Vanessa, I have no idea, Yes I can leave later today and I am seeing her next Wednesday at 2 pm. I think that covers it.”
“ Sorry, You can come and stay at Jacobs fold I have cleared it with Debbie and the kids. “
“ Where will you be then ?”
“ I will be there too .”
“ No Vanessa that’s not going to work at all. I just cant Ok “
“ Why not Charity , with the boys sharing there is a room free and I will not be there much as I am going back to work, I need to and they need me.”
“ I don’t think I can be back there, where we were happy. Its too much . I cant .”
“ Charity where else will you go. And I thought it would be obvious that I want to help and I have already told you how I feel. We need to talk properly when you feel ready.”
“ Im not sure , really don’t want to be there and it be hard and strained and it affects the boys. Im not really in a good place right now. “
“ Charity I have no intention of pressuring you if really think it’s a bad idea then ok. But I really want to see you and so do the boys when you think you can.”
“ Right ok , look I think its time you left Vanessa, im tired.”
I said goodbye and started walking down the corridor , I feel totally lost. I need to help her she just is not herself right now. When I get back to the house having got the boys from Rhona I sit on the sofa and my mind wanders through all the times we have cuddled up here and feeling the warmth rising to my face as I remember the number of times we had done more than cuddle. I miss her so much, and that hasn’t stopped. Even when I was so angry I couldn’t think of much else there was still an ache to be there with her. Problem was the anger won then. I get up and ask Noah just to keep an eye on the boys as I just need to pop out.
I get to the surgery and ask if it would be possible to speak to or see Manpreet. I am offered a phone call in the next couple of hours. I call in at Rhona’s before going back.
“ Hey Ness, How is Charity.”
“ She is recovering from the overdose, but she isn’t herself at all, she is quiet and defeated and the doctor thinks its depression. Why didn’t I listen to you before. Tracy was just she’s a mess and selfish etc etc and I believed her cause I was so angry Rhona, what have we done to each other. “
“ I don’t know love , but its more important right now that she gets the help she needs and then maybe if you both want to you can talk about all that.”
“ Yes the hospital have set her up with some counselling and she is going to do it. I have a phone call booked with Manpreet as im not sleeping and im still finding bits of what happened hard to stop reliving.”
“ Do you mean the Pierce or Cancer bits ? “
“ Both if im honest.”
“ Good thing you are doing that before I moan at you and push you myself.”
“ Yeah , right I best get back.”
Back at the house the boys are playing cars in the front room and Noah is playing on his phone. I start cooking tea for later and make myself a cup of tea. All I can see standing here is Charity smiling and laughing , kissing me and playing with the boys. She was amazing when I was ill with the operation and then the chemo and I don’t think I ever praised her or made it clear to her just how proud I was of her then. It feels like a life time ago and also like yesterday.
I have arranged with Paddy only to go back to work part time until Charity is properly back on her feet although I said as if it was me that needed a period of time to settle back into work. Just then my mobile rings and I see the surgery number come up.
“ Hello is that Vanessa, Its Manpreet.”
“Hello Manpreet, Thank you for calling back. I think I need some help. I am re living the kidnap and the fear and terror of what was happening to Johnny, also the cancer is haunting me as well and im not sleeping.”
“ Okay well we can certainly help with some of that if you can come in tomorrow at 9 am and then I will give you some names of some counsellors for you.”
“ Yes that sounds good , Thank you. Bye.”
So both of us will end up talking to strangers. I really hope and pray we will be able to talk to each other. Somehow I want her back in my life and I never want to loose her again.
I have two prescriptions from Manpreet and a list of names to try and arrange an appointment. I am walking back to Jacobs Fold when I see Charity sitting outside the pub on one of the benches, she is drinking a coffee from the café and she is gazing at Jacobs Fold and fiddling with her fingers nervously. I watch her as she hasn’t seen me yet and she is very sullen and looks like she has barely slept, I think I can see tears. I have to go over I cant just ignore that she is in pain.
“ Charity, Where did you sleep last night ?”
“ Oh erm… hey vanessa. You don’t need to worry about that, Must go things to do , people to see.”
“ Charity stop …Please just stop a minute.”
She did actually stop in the end , but didn’t turn round when I caught up I stood in front of her and really looked at her. She is obviously in a state.
“ Charity where did you sleep last night”
I said much more softly this time and reached my hand out. She didn’t take it so I left it just touching her arm. She looked up then and almost a whisper said.
“ In my car.”
“ Come on come back with me for a bit just to warm yourself up and have something to eat. The boys would love to see you when they get back at lunch time.”
“ I don’t know !!”
“ Please Charity, just to humor me…Please”
She thankfully gave a small nod and walked the short distance to the house and came in. It was all quiet as all the kids were out . Charity is looking around and I can see her gaze land on all the pictures of us and our family. I remember when I first got here and saw them all I had a tear or two. She looks the same for a few minutes.
“ What can I get you Charity?”
“ A new me would be good, but otherwise nothing for now thanks. I will just warm up a bit and then get out of your hair.”
“Charity, Come with me” I hold out my hand and start to lead her up the stairs. Charity looks startled and suddenly pulled her hand away.
“ You ve got to be joking ..Right !”
“ Oh god Charity no, I want to show you the spare room.”
“ I know what the spare room looks like Vanessa, I need to go.”
“ Charity. Stop and sit down”
I use the most stern voice I can muster and she actually sits down.
“ Look its hard for you I know , and its hard for me. But I have told you how I feel. I cant let you sleep in your car after everything you have been through and I need you to be ok for our family . And even if we never get ourselves sorted out you are still their mother and you need to be ok for them too.”
“ Yes I suppose you are right and yesterday when I got back, I couldn’t think who to ask as everyone has turned their backs on me. Thanks Ness.”
“ im glad we have that sorted. Where is all your stuff ?”
“ I think most of it is in the pub and some at Diane’s.”
“ I will organise getting it here for you Ok . “
The morning was spent having coffee and me getting some of Charity’s belongings from the pub. Chas was not at all happy that I have bought Charity back into the village. She makes it quite clear to me that she is not welcome in the pub at all. I don’t both passing that on. After a couple of trips I then call at Diane’s and ask for what ever Charity left there.
“ No problem love , How is she doing. Im so sorry I knew she was having a bad time but I never thought she would try to end it all. She left one special thing with me and I have no intention of giving it to you and not her , but I want you to see it . When she gave this to me she said : Please keep this safe for me Diane as this is the most precious thing I have ever had. When I was with Ness I was happy for the first time in my life. Truly happy and asking her to marry me was the best decision I ever made. This ring means everything to me:. She loves you very much and she knows she really ruined it. Just know how much you mean to her love.”
“ She means the same to me, thank you for showing me that. It tells me she is still in there even if right now I cant see her.”
“ You can always talk to me love if you need to.”
“ Thanks Diane and thank you so much for your kindness to both of us.”
I get the last of Charity’s belongings back to Jacobs Fold and then go pick up the boys. I love watching Charity and the boys playing. They are so excited that she is here. And I see her smile a few times and although its not as bright as it might be it is genuine.
Sarah and Noah get back from college and are surprised that she has agreed to stay , they both seem ok with it. It is a little awkward to start with . But the teenagers are up in their rooms most the time. Charity helps me put the boys to be later in the evening and then it is just us downstairs again. I put the Tv on and click around trying to find something to watch.
“ Think I will just get myself up stairs and get some sleep.”
“ Ok goodnight Charity, I hope you sleep well.”
I stay down and poured myself some wine. I cant settle my mind is totally taken up with the woman upstairs. I sit staring in to space and as im not watching it I turn the tv off. I head up to the bathroom and then back down for another glass to see if that helps.
“ Oh bugger, Im sorry I thought you had gone to bed. Why are you sitting drinking in the dark “
“ I couldn’t sleep and just thought another glass might help.”
“ Yes I know that feeling except I had more like several bottles no a couple of glasses. Anything to stop feeling.”
“ Charity im sorry , I should have come back.”
“ Ness lets not do this ok. I will get some warm milk and try again.”
With that she gets the warm milk and leaves me still lost in thought. I cant help wonder if she will ever be able to talk to me about what happened, and if not where do we go from there.

To be continued……

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

Charity is already downstairs when I get up, its difficult for me as I have hardly slept and would happily stayed there. I had gone to get the boys up , but they weren’t in there beds. Then I hear them with Charity. So here I am standing near the bottom of the stairs watching the woman I thought I would spend forever with playing and feeding our boys. I feel so much love for her , the hard part is seeing her like this, just a shell of who she was.
I take the boys to nursery and school , then I go back to the house. There is no sign of Charity. I go up stairs and knock on her door.
“ Hi Ness, did you get the boys there on time ok. Do you need me to do something.”
“ Im fine Charity, I just wanted to make sure you were ok and maybe you can come down and we can have a coffee.”
Charity looks a little confused but left her room and followed me downstairs into the living room, again I saw her taking in the photos of us and the kids in various posses and places doted around the place. And I saw a smile and a very genuine one cross her face before the sad look returned.
“ Here you go, drink that . I think its how you like it.”
“ Thanks Ness, Im sorry is it ok to call you Ness.”
“ Yes Charity its fine. How are you feeling today.”
“ Ness I don’t think im up for deep and meaningful right now.”
“ I meant as in health , like did you sleep better etc.”
“ Oh right, yeah not too bad. Its strange being here again.”
“ Is that a bad thing. The boys love having you here again.”
“ Yeah its great to see them , I have missed them both so much. Have you spoken Noah “
“ Yes , he came down for some water before you last night. He says he is glad you are ok . Give him time. He does love you.”
“ I love him and all my Kids, I just never know how to show them.”
“ You don’t need to show them , you just need to be there for them and be a constant in their lives.”
“ Mmm you mean me , scew up with no job home or future.”
“ Charity that’s not true, you have had a rough time and you will get back on your feet. What about the money from your shares of the pub, You could do something with that when you are ready.”
“ Yeah maybe. Im gonna go for a walk ok.”
Charity put her cup in the sink and grabbed her coat and left. I made some phone calls and found a chap called Simon who was available to take new clients and I had taken the first of my tablets this morning. There had to be a way to repair all the damage that had been caused. It wasn’t just me and it wasn’t just Charity. It became a perfect storm and her families in put as always was way less than helpful. I felt an anger rising in me and I decided to act on it. I walked round to the back door of the pub and knocked.
“ Oh hi Ness , Paddy is at work already, you can find him there.”
“ Hi Chas, its you I want, can I have a word please.”
“ Umm yeah come in, do you want a coffee ? Charity isn’t with you is she , you know like hiding round the corner ?”
“ No she isn’t, yes please I will have a coffee with you , thanks.”
We walked into the back room, I I looked around remembering all the times I had been in this room with Charity and we had laughed and cried and made love, I feel the warmth rise to my face with those particular memories .
Chas passes me my coffee and sits opposite
“ So Ness whats this about, Has charity sent you to see if I forgive her yet.”
“ Forgive her, seriously. Chas have you seen her lately, she is a shell of herself. From what I understand she went to pieces when I did come back and finished it with her . She was drunk morning noon and night and you all cast her out. Why does she need forgiving.”
“ Ness that’s not al;l of it. I tried to get her to pull herself together.”
“ Pull herself together, would you want to be told that, when you are that hurt and lost…Really.”
Chas looked a little uncomfortable.
“ She slapped Noah and was out of control . The she upset Debbie trying to sleep with Al.”
“ Yes I know, but what did Noah say to her, she tried to make sure the Army knew of his condition and he is the one who lied, even he said that. As for Al, he manipulated her while she was drunk. You make it sound like she did it to hurt Debbie and the truth is Al told her all the things Debbie had said about her Mum. None of you come out of this looking good. Not one of you noticed how distressed she really was and then you take the pub from her. You are supposed to be her friend as well as family.”
“ Look Ness I know, but she usually just bounces back and no harm done yeah !”
“ No bloody harm done , its only two years ago you found out what hell she survived, do you really think turning your back on her and throwing her out of here did her no harm. I give up. I have no idea why she puts herself out every bloody time one of you is in trouble. Im sorry Chas but you should all be ashamed of yourselves. But for a fluke she could be dead now.”
With that I left my mug and walked out the pub slamming the door as I went. I was so mad , she actually thinks what they did was acceptable . I walked at speed out of the village and into some fields and breathed hard trying to calm my anger down.
“ Ness are you following me “
“ Charity, Sorry I didn’t see you. No im just trying to calm myself down.”
“ Why who has upset you ?”
“ Never mind , you ready to go back home we could get some lunch?”
“ Yeah ok.”
We got back and I put some soup on and Charity watched me in silence.
“ Are you gonna tell me what got you in that state , I know what your like when you really loose it babe.”
“ Charity I don’t want to make you mad at me , but I went round to see Chas to give her a piece of my mind.”
“ Ha ha aha aha , I bet she really appreciated that. You don’t need to fight my battles. But thank you I think.”
“ I think she was shocked, but Charity the way they treated you was not alright , you must know that. You are not the hateful person you tell yourself you are . You didn’t deserve that.”
“ Ness im sure I did . I always ruin stuff, they just expect it from me and I never seem to let them down. After you sent me your ring back I was talking to Cain cause they were all having a go about me neglecting the kids and he said “ You should go back to being good ole Charity, you will move on quick enough, thought you would have by now” That was his idea of a shoulder to cry on. Then he took me to the pub and we drank a lot.”
“ You don’t always ruin stuff and that was a cruel and unthinking thing to say to you. I see him and Moira have managed to get past her affair.”
“ Ness I didn’t have an affair, I kissed that pillock and I regret even having seen him that day. You know he is Moira’s brother and he had Cain in his boot when he hit my car.”
“ I knew some of that , but not the bit about Cain , He should have kept him there. “
“ Well its done with anyway. I will try and find somewhere else to go as soon as I can Ness.”
“Charity I don’t want you too and there is no need, the boys want you here and so do I “
Charity got up and headed to the stairs and looked back at me with a puzzled look on her face and just said.
“ Well lets see how it goes for a little while then.”
Then she was gone again. She did come down when the boys came home and also joined us for dinner. But spent the rest of the evening in her room. I left her to it this time because I knew she had an appointment to see Kerry tomorrow and that might be on her mind. I hope it goes well as I know she isn’t keen on talking full stop let alone a stranger. All I can do is be there for her when ever she needs me.
To be continued……

Chapter Text

Chapter 7

Charity has seen Kerry a couple of times this week and she seems to be sticking at it. I don’t feel I can ask how it is going. All I do know is she is still really flat and down on herself. I have worked a bit more this week and we have been like ships in the night. Its Friday evening now and the boys are playing happily in the living room when Charity comes down the stairs, She looks pensive and im just about to ask what they all want for dinner when she speaks to me.
“ Vanessa would you like me to get a takeaway and maybe a movie for tonight, just a small thank you. Im sure the boys would love it.”
“ Yes that would be a great plan, they can have one of their movies first and maybe then we could watch one after they are in bed.”
“ Yeah sure. Why not.”
Charity sets about ordering Chinese for us all then looks on the sky for a film to download. She has already fought with the boys over their film. After a few suggestions we finally settle on one of our favourites which we already have ‘Carol’. I smile to myself wondering if watching that might at least get her talking a little to me. Once the Chinese arrives and Noah and Sarah have joined us , it the usual meal time bedlam. I sit there watching them all and Charity seems to be more relaxed tonight. I am happy she is starting to feel more at ease here. The teenagers of course disappear as soon as they have had their fill and the boys jump up on the settee and I start their film. Charity is helping me clear away all the containers and plates etc in the kitchen. I brush against her as I pass and I feel her jerk away like she has had an electric shock. I still find it hard that we are so awkward with each other physically, its like she cant bare to touch me in any way and she certainly makes sure I don’t think I can touch her. It was easier before when she let me hold her hand or stroke her hair. Now its just awkward. I move away so I don’t get that reaction .
An hour later the boys are fast asleep on the sofa and the film is coming to an end. I look at Charity and she smiles and says.
“ Lets take these two up “
“ Yep think they are ready”. Laughing as I get my arms under Johnny and lift. He doesn’t even stir.
Charity puts Moses gently into his bed and I do the same with Johnny. We both stop at the door and take one last look at them before going back down.
“ Shall I put the film on now then, Do you want a glass of wine?”
“ Yes im ready to watch it, I think im ok thanks. I was going to make a cuppa, do you want one?”
“ That would be nice thanks Ness.”
Tea made and on the coffee table and we are both comfortable so Charity presses play. Charity is sitting over on the armchair while im on the sofa. I hate the distance but need her to feel at ease as much as possible.
The film starts and I get lost in it , it’s a beautiful love story and im surprised Charity was ok with the choice. I haven’t looked over at her at all and im engrossed with Cate Blanchett.
“ Ness can I tell you some things please?”
“ Yes of course Charity , you can tell me anything.”
“ I have given it a lot of thought and I have spoken to Diane, I will be here for the boys as much as I can but I feel I need to move out and Diane has offered me a room there. I really am grateful for everything you have done to help me , but you need to get on with your life and I need to sort myself out.”
“ Oh Umm I didn’t expect this. Have I done something wrong. Have I made you feel unwelcome in some way .”
“ Not at all Ness, but while im under youe feet you cant move on and I just feel the weight of guilt for everything seeing you every day.”
I looked up and see she has tears in her eyes.I stand and start to move towards her . She puts her hand up and stops me.
“ Please Ness don’t make this any harder than it is. I could be selfish and stay and let you worry about me and be kind as you always are. Its just not fair on you. “
“ Charity I have told you how I feel about you , so why wouldn’t it be fair on me to have you here.”
“ Ness im a mess and I don’t and never have deserved you. This way you can find someone who does”.
“ I don’t want anyone but you Charity, you must know that.”
“ Look you came back because I did something stupid. You left because I did something stupid. This isn’t healthy and you will see that soon enough. I just cant put myself through this again. It nearly killed me last time Ness, Please let this go.”
I sat there staring at her , tears rolling down my face and I just cant believe what she is saying. But I have no choice but to let her do what she feels she needs to.”
The next few days are dreadful. Rhona is demanding to know what Charity has done to hurt me this time and Tracy wants to go and string her up. All I can say is she hasn’t done anything. Because that’s the truth. When I try to explain it I just cant. I love Charity with all my heart and as far as I am concerned I always will. I know I have to give her space. Towards the end of the first week she comes over and plays with the boys while I go and meet Rhona for a chat. We end up drifting in to a easy pattern of co parenting and passing the time of day with each other. It’s a little awkward at first, but we find a way and Charity seems to smile a little more . It occurs to me maybe she simply doesn’t love me anymore. To be honest I have quite a bit of guilt about my side of what happened. Maybe its her that wants to start a fresh. My heart breaks when I think that’s a possibility. Two more weeks go by and I have hardly seen Charity except when she comes to see the boys or take them out. I know Noah and Sarah have met up with her and been over to Diane’s to see her. With each passing day my heart breaks a bit more. I feel set a drift from the woman I love beyond anything I dreamed possible.
At the beginning of the fourth week since Charity moved out. I get a text from her asking if we can meet for a coffee at the café’. I ask when and we arrange a time.
Charity is walking up the road from Diane’s towards me and I am standing watching her, She is smartly dressed and looks amazing. She has even put on a little make up. She is so beautiful it takes my breath away.
“ Hey, You look great. How are you ?”
“ So do you Ness, I am ok thanks. How have you been. What can I get you . your usual ?”
“ Yes thank you. Im ok thanks.”
“ Thanks for meeting me I just wanted to see if we could maybe be friends. I have missed you and talking to you.”
“ We will always be friends Charity. We are co parents and If you ever feel…...”
“ Im not really in that place Ness , im sorry if I have led you to believe that’s what I want right now and I will understand if you cant be just my friend.”
“ That’s not what I meant , I want to be friends , I care about you. All I wanted to say is ….oh never mind..”
“ Its ok Ness. I was hoping you would be getting out and back to living your life instead of worrying about me. I have been seeing Kerry quite a bit and I know you will say told you so, but im really finding its helping. I am beginning to feel more like myself now. I was thinking I can baby sit if you ever need me to. I have also invested my money from the shares and as im sure you are aware after the crash Jimmy has a few problems so I have gone back in as a partner at the haulage firm. I have to say I am enjoying it and better hours at least I have my evenings free now.”
“ Wow you have been busy. Im glad talking is helping. Thank you for the offer but I don’t need a baby sitter. I really need to make a move. Thanks for the coffee and we must do it again and catch up. When are you over to play with the boys next.”
“ I can come over tomorrow afternoon if that’s ok.”
“ Yes that’s fine. See you.”
I didn’t look back to see the slightly puzzled look on Charity’s face. I know im being a moody cow, but all I can see is her working with Mack and realise that’s probably why she wants me to move on and why she moved out. How stupid have I been. I am so angry with myself that I didn’t notice Paddy walking towards me.
“ Hey Ness where is the fire Eh?”
“ Oh shut up Paddy.”
I get inside and just burst into tears. After all this have I actually lost the woman I love. Right now it feels like I have and I cant stand the pain.

To be continued……..

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

It’s a week since I had that coffee with Charity and I have seen her twice since. It looked like she wanted to ask me something last time and then just didn’t. So no change. I spent a tearful evening with Rhona last night trying to explain to her that this situation is not what I want and that I want her back. Rhona is not as down on Charity as Tracy is and I think understands more too. She was sympathetic about the thought of her working with Mack driving me crazy , she did say there had been rumours again but she hadn’t seen them together except work. So not to jump to conclusions as I did before. As wrong as the kiss was if I had just come back and shouted at her , even broken up with her and stayed . We would have found our way back to each other and I wouldn’t have broken both of our hearts. The toughest part is realising that maybe Charity’s heart is mending and she is moving on.
There is a knock at the door.
“ Tracy, Hi how are you and how is Frankie.”
“ We are both good thanks, V I know you are going to shout at me , but I have got you a blind date for tonight in the Woollie.”
“ You ve done what !!!”.
“ Look she is really nice, not like the accountant and she knows you are not really wanting to date. Maybe it would be good to have a gay friend.”
“ Oh for gods sake. Fine I will go , but just to meet her and tell her I am not ready to date. Ok”.
“ Great, you will like her V honest. V make a bit of an effort.”
With that she was gone leaving me stunned. Why does she think I want to meet some strange woman in my local. Thank god Charity doesn’t work there anymore. I better ask Rhona if she can watch the boys. Thankfully she is fine with that and is going to bring Leo round to mine and I have told her I wont be long so we can have a glass of wine after. I have taken a little trouble with my outfit tonight , just to please my sister and not this Angela woman. Tracy texted me the details and a picture earlier. I Have to say she is quite hot. She is around my height and brunette with what I think are brown eyes and she looks friendly enough , smiling in the selfie. Im really not in to this right now.
I walk in the pub at about five to eight and look around. The pub is pretty much empty. It has been most the times I have been in. Marlon is behind the bar and only Eric is sitting drinking , with Faith sitting at the bar trying to look like she is enjoying herself. I order a pint and go sit in one of the booths. At eight exactly Angels walks in and looks around seeing me she smiles and walks over. We introduce ourselves and I offer to get her a drink. She wants a G&T so I ask Marlon and come back to my seat. I can feel Marlon’s eyes on my back as I walk.
“ Did you have far to come this evening Angela ? “
“ No not really I am living in Hotten at the moment as I have a temporary contract at the hospital there for six months.”
“ Where are you normally then.”
“ Where ever I can get work, I have plenty of options with the pandemic.”
“ Yes of course im sure you are in demand.”
“ So where do you come from then.”
“ Oh im a Leeds girl at heart. How about you Vanessa ?”
We continue to chat about small stuff for another half an hour. I turn to her and tell her that I am ready to date anyone and that there is someone else I have feelings for. This doesn’t seem to bother Angela at all.
“ I understand Vanessa, but im sure you are lonely with out a woman in your bed Eh!!”
“ Umm not really, Angela I need you to understand my Sister set this up and I didn’t know till earlier today and I only really came to explain its too soon for me Im sorry.”
“ Tracy said you split up quite awhile ago and she is a waste of space so there is no problem. Lets go back to yours then”.
“ Look Angela you seem nice enough so I will say this one more time. Im not interested. I am leaving now and nice to meet you . Have a safe trip home.”
“ Vanessa do you really think I came all this way to get nothing but a cold shoulder. Lets take this outside and preferably your place, but if not iam not averse to a quikie somewhere out of site if your feeling daring.”
“ Oh now come on , I have made it quite clear I am not interested so please leave me alone.”
I get up and storm out of the pub and walk quickly towards Jacobs fold.
“ Hey Vanessa slow up. Ok so maybe not a quickie then, invite me in to yours then.”
I turn around to give her a piece of my mind only to see Charity watching , standing not three feet from Angela, so no danger she didn’t hear.
“ Look leave me alone I said NO . Now just go.”
Angela starts to follow me and suddenly I hear Charity speak.
“ Oh you, Leave her alone. You heard the lady she aint interested.”
“ Who the hell are you , butt out.”
“ Im her ex fiancée , and she said no so she means No.”
“ Well she aint no lady, I was given the impression she was desperate> to be honest looking at you I can see why she would be.”
“ You are really pushing your luck madam. You have no idea what I am capable of and for Vanessa there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do.”
“ Oh for gods sake this is more trouble than its worth. I only came all this way cause I thought I was on a certainty .”
Angela turned and walked off angry.
“ Thank you Charity. She just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told her in the pub I wasn’t ready to date . This is all Tracy’s bloody doing. Sorry.”
“ You have nothing to apologise for Ness. Im glad to see you getting out. Maybe Tracy has a point. But I think you would be a better judge of character. Maybe choose your own date next time.”
“ Charity there wont be a next time.”
“ That’s a shame Ness, I don’t want you to be lonely.”
“ Im not lonely , I have my family and friends. Thanks and night Charity.”
“ Night Ness.”
I get in and Rhona takes one look at me and gets the wine and two glasses as I tell about Angela and Charity.
“ She really seems to want whats best for you Ness.”
“ Well if she did she would still be here wouldn’t she.”
“ I think she is doing the right thing right now with getting herself sorted. Just give her space and maybe going on the odd date isn’t such a bad idea.”
“ It is if she thinks im moving on Rhona because I still love her.”
“ I know you do and I am fairly sure she still loves you. But it was only a couple of months ago she was at rock bottom. Give her some time.”
“ Yeah I know, I just miss her so much.”
I didn’t see Charity for the rest of that week and half of the next. Then I get a text asking if she can take the boys out for a few hours. I tell her of course she can and she pops round to pick them up. She is friendly and seems better than a few weeks ago. I ask how things are going.
“ Im beginning to feel better Ness thanks. I miss the boys but to be honest I have been working really hard getting new contracts and taking on extra drivers. I forgot how good I was at this. Feels good.”
“ That’s great , im glad its working out for you. So you don’t miss the pub now then.”
“ Ness the pub was a part of me and so many memories. I miss it every day. I know that sounds crazy but I never made that decision and I wouldn’t have. Im still not really speaking to the family and im not sure how I feel about them.”
“ Im sorry Charity you should never have lost it at all.”
“ Don’t worry Ness it doesn’t hurt as much now and im making progress with Kerry. How are you getting on with Simon.”
“ Actually really well too. I would love to get together and talk about some stuff , if you want.”
“ Maybe Ness I will see. The boys are ready now. Have fun you lot.”
When they all leave im sitting on the sofa remembering all the fun times we had had in the pub. Everything started in the pub. The cellar was also a favourite place. The whole place had memories for us and most of them were good. Our time living there was nothing if not eventful. But all I really think about was us together, sleeping each night wrapped around each other. Feeling Charity next to me was all I ever wanted. And as for the love making they shared it was the most amazing feeling she had ever had. As the pain subsided after Tracy send me the picture the pain of missing her started. The void she left in my life, knowing I should have come back. The craving to just feel her touch again. Then she hurt herself and our worlds collided again. I cant give up on us yet. No matter what I need to do I will do it. Somehow I will win her back.
I go up to bed feeling more positive. And the next few times we see each other she looks genuinely pleased to see me and she sees more of the kids again. Her eyes look more like they used to and I catch her watching me and im sure there is warmth in the look she gives me. Maybe its just wishful thinking.
I have been in the Woolie again this week with Rhona and there was only 3 other customers in there. Rhona said that Marlon was really worried. They are getting on well living together , but I wasn’t over happy with Mack sharing Marlon’s place with Ryan, Billy and Ellis. I cant understand why Ryan would want to be around him. I dare say he blames his mum like all the rest cause all he hears is the rest of the family run her down and make out she is no good. Well that just isn’t true and I know that even if they don’t. I have had the privilege of seeing the side of her she keeps just for me.
Charity agrees to meet me for a drink in Hotton away from the village after I suggested it the other week. She looks absolutely stunning when she walks in the wine bar I choose. Im sure my tongue is hanging out and im just staring , but I honestly don’t care. I have also made an effort and I can see that’s not lost on her.
“ You look amazing Ness.”
“ So do you Charity. I got us a bottle of one of your favs. Sit down here.”
She actually sits opposite me but is still smiling. After and hour of chatting about the kids and the gossip in the village .
“ Ness there is something I want to talk to you about. Im just not sure how you are going to take it.”
“ Charity if its that you are with Mack now I think I knew that when you moved out and bought into the haulage firm. It hurts cause you know how I feel and I feel a little stupid for telling you all that. But I will just have to get used to it.”
“ Ness what the bloody hell are you going on about. You actually think im with Mack after everything…….Really ?”
“ I …I ..I don’t know you left and I didn’t want you to and then you ….you were distant and told me to move on…. I just thought…oh I don’t know.”
“ Right, you really have that little faith in me. I thought you knew I had to sort myself out. Look Ness im sorry but I cant keep hearing what a low opinion you have of me. Its one thing everyone else thinking it , but not you.”
“ Oh God I am so messing this up. Look Charity I don’t have a low opinion of you at all. You know that in your heart don’t you? I just couldn’t work out why you wouldn’t let me support you and stay with me while you did what you needed. I just thought you didn’t love me that way anymore. Im sorry I wasn’t thinking less of you. I was thinking less of me. Why tell me to move on if you hadn’t then ?”
“ Cause I felt you deserved better than me. I keep hurting you. I talked a lot to Kerry about this and I understand a lot more about my reactions now.”
“ I don’t care if you or anyone else thinks I deserve better than you, because I don’t and you are all I want. You and our family.”
The pair of us have tears in our eyes as Charity reaches across the table and takes my hand.
“ Im not ready for everything just yet. But I wanted you to know what I have been up to. Ness I also need to retract the statement about you moving on. Please don’t, please give us another try. I think we still need to carry on seeing our counsellors and maybe even one together, but im still very much in love with you and I want us too babe.”
“ Charity I had no intention of moving on as im still crazy about you. I agree we still have some way to go, but yes I want us. Absolutely and totally”
“ Ok then Ness , I need to tell you what I have been up to. I have been working like crazy to secure more contracts , some very lucrative one off loads and some very good long term contracts. It has meant a big difference in our revenue and has enabled me to revalue the business and take some of my original investment back while still improving the income. Nicola is delighted with her cut so all good. And babe, it is all legal I promise you.”
“ Wow Charity that sounds brilliant.”
“ Now comes the good bit. I am preparing to buy the pub back and not a half share. But it all. It will take me another couple of months and by then it should be on its knees cause it really isn’t doing well. I think Chas would be only too happy to be out of it and from the look of Marlon he wishes he hadn’t invested. What do you think all of us back in our own pub.”
“ Well I certainly didn’t see that coming. How would you turn it around. Are you talking about our Family living there as in you and me together.”
“ Yes Darling that’s exactly what im saying.. What do you think.”

To be continued……..

Chapter Text

Chapter 9

“I think that would be amazing Charity, I know you love that place and so do I .
Providing we don’t have to live with Chas and Paddy im all in. So much of our history is in that pub. We met properly in the cellar a night I will never forget and our first time was in our old room. It meant a lot to me babe”.
“ I know Ness and that has quite a bit to do with why I want it back. Also how it was taken from me. I just wanted to make sure you were ok with it as I need you in my future and our family.”
“ I love you Charity, and would do anything you needed. I actually have a very big soft spot for that pub.”
“ mmm Me too babe. Right well I will continue with my plan then. Im doing much better in general now. It took me a while to accept I was depressed and I needed help, you know how stubborn I am, Now I get it and I am taking the tablets and doing the work with Kerry. I am being really honest about stuff.”
“ Charity I’m so proud of you. I know how hard that can be as im doing the same now and I have learnt quite a bit about myself and my mistakes and reactions. I really hope we can rebuild what we had.”
“ So do I Ness, but better as I now understand the talking bit.”
“ Who knew you would end up doing this”.
“ I know, at the beginning I thought I was doing it to get out of Hospital and carry on and if I was really lucky get you and the kids back. I understand now its for me and the rest will then be possible. I have learnt I am worth something and my family have really let me down over the years. Only you really saw the real me babe.”
“ Only because you showed me the real you , and thank you for that honour.”
We then started just talking in general and discussing the kids and any gossip. It was nice and relaxed, probably the best we had been with each other since before the murder , kidnap and cancer. It felt good and I knew then beyond any doubt that our future was worth the fight and work to get it back.
Over a week later Charity came to pick up the boys for a play date with her and she seemed quite down . I was concerned and asked if she was ok.
“ Ness its just been a hard week. Im going through some difficult stuff with Kerry. Im sure I will be ok.”
“ If I can help at all love , you know where I am.”
“ Thanks Ness. I know you will be there.”
Late the following night I am sitting in my lounge , the boys are in bed asleep and I was dozing on the couch. There was a soft knock at the door at Jacobs Fold. I opened the door after finding out it was Charity.
“ Hey are you ok ?” Looking at her face I knew she wasn’t.
“ Ness can I come in please ?”
“ Yes of course, what’s wrong ?”
“ I have got myself in a bit of a mess and I need to tell you about it.”
“ Ok what’s happened.”
“ Well I have been sorting new contracts for Home James and Mack as you know is one of my drivers, I should have known not to trust him but I made it clear all this had to be legit. Any how he has been going his own sweet way and has used our vans for some illegal loads and making it known that I’m in charge of this.”
“ The little bastard.”
“ I think I have called him much worse. The problem is he has been caught, that’s how it all came to light and he has landed me right in it. I’m to be interviewed tomorrow morning under caution. I have a solicitor lined up. I need you to know that it wasn’t me I promise Ness.”
“ I know it wasn’t love.”
“ You believe me after all the lies I have told you in the past ?”
“ Yes darling because you are standing in front of me telling me the truth without me finding out and making excuses. And it probably the first time you have ever done this. I know this sounds crazy , but I’m proud of you Charity.”
“ Ness I doubt you will be proud of me going to jail.”
“ Oh god I hope it doesn’t come to that. What would I do while you were inside.”
“Oh thanks Ness.”
“I will make sure it doesn’t come to that babe. We will find a way to get the truth out of him. Or discredit him”
As we stood there looking at each other and not sure what to think. How many tomorrows did we have if Charity was going to be locked up. I thought as I stood there seeing the look of despair in her eyes, she was such a stunningly beautiful woman even in times of trouble and I just wanted to protect her and comfort her. So I moved forward and put my arms around her. She snuggled into me and wrapped her arms around my back. Being this close to her again was playing with my senses. I loved the smell of her hair and the perfume she was wearing it was all so familiar, so warm and soft in her arms I couldn’t help but kiss and nuzzle her neck. I heard the soft moan in response to my actions. It made me feel lightheaded and I pulled back just enough to see her eyes and that did it. The look of need in her eyes completely undid me and I reached my hand behind her neck and pulled her down so I could kiss her full on the mouth. The moments our lips touched I felt the immense feeling of home. We kissed for what seemed an eternity and when we needed to breathe we pulled apart. With all the want I felt for her I took her hand and moved her over to the couch and pushed her down standing above her I went to straddle her when she suddenly looked up and cried.
“ Oh Ness I cant I’m so sorry, this isn’t right. Its not what I came here for. This isn’t the right time. Please don’t think I don’t want you because I really do babe. You have no idea how much. But not like this.”
Through my lustful brain I realised what we had been leading up to and I moved back letting Charity get up and stand in front of me. My mind clearing and looking at her wondering what was going to happen next.
“ Babe, I love you so much and believe me I definitely fancy like crazy. For me when we take that step it will be for good and we will be back together not because I have myself in a mess and I’m feeling lost and trying to figure a way out of it.”
“ I’m sorry Charity that shouldn’t have happened , I understand what you are saying and I know you are right . I cant say I’m not disappointed but I actually agree with you as hard as that might be.”
“ Ness please don’t worry I will figure this out and we will be fine. Please don’t give up on me .”
“ Never Charity, Never.”
The following morning I went to the scrap yard to have a chat with a certain annoying Scott. As I approached I could hear him and Charity having a heated discussion with her telling him that in an hour she had to attend the police station.
“ You will be fine Charity, just blame me and they wont be able to prove which one of us it is , and I can cut you in on the action.”
“ Just how long have you been doing this behind my back ?”
“ Long enough to make myself a tidy packet. Now come here Charity I need your phone , cause I need to check you aren’t recording this.”
“ Bit paranoid aren’t you.”
With that I saw Mack grab her phone and she was indeed recording him. He deleted it and carried on speaking.
“Paranoid am I . Well I think maybe I’m just smarter than you Boss. You are no match for me girlie. You never were. When I arrived I managed to screw your life up for you and you were pretty desperate then to make some money. What’s changed.”
“ I have Mack and yes you did destroy my life , but I played my part with my insecurities And ridiculous thoughts. And the biggest mistake of all was sleeping with you that once. Then having you as a driver. You are a waste of space.”
“ A Waste of space eh ! and your Ex fiancée is back in town maybe I should convince her we were hot and heavy for months, I managed to convince her sister with just one look and a few words. You country bumpkins are all so easy. And as for my little side business I will keep on as I am and you wont be around as you will be at her Majesties pleasure.”
“ Oh you really love yourself don’t you. Does Moira know just what a rat you are. Trust me she will know soon enough cause I’m not taking the fall for you.”
“ Yeah right and how exactly are you going to prove it was me now I have deleted your evidence. Its your word against mine and I am so much more charming than you. Even your family wont bother helping you . They all think you are not worth it. Of course its me running the scam but with your criminal past they wont believe you. See ya.”
As Mack walks off leaving Charity standing there with smoke practically coming out of her ears. Vanessa climbs out from where she had hidden when she heard them.
“ Ness I take it you heard all of that. I’m sunk babe.”
“ No Charity you aren’t. I know you didn’t get it on your phone. But darling I did. Every word.”
“ You bloody genius, I could kiss you.”
“ Feel free.”

To be continued…..

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

I think it was the highlight of Charity’s year sacking Mack and letting him know after her interview with the police that she had played them the whole conversation. Cain was pleased quietly but had to save face in front of Moira and go on about the Dingle code and not snitching on one of our own. Personally I knew that Charity no longer gave a stuff about the Dingle code. I think if she hadn’t had to deal with Mack she wouldn’t have any contact with her so called family at all. Our kids and myself were all she seemed to be concentrating on , Her business and our future. So I felt that it was time for me to man up so to speak and ask her on a date.
I texted her and asked if she could pop in when she finished at work. She replied she would and it would be around 5 pm. After I had picked the boys up and fed them I started watching the clock. I cant believe how nervous I feel.
Just after 5.15 there was a knock at the door and Johnny raced to open it.
“ Hey Mummy Charity”
“ Hey yourself Johnnybobs”
After they had a quick cuddle and play , she did the same with Moses who had run over when he saw his Mummy. Then looking up she smiled at me and said .
“ Hey Ness, How was your day ?”
“ Its been good, how about yours ?”
“ Its been ok , still trying to sort out Mack’s mess. Just so glad he has gone. I feel sorry for Moira.”
“ Does she know where he has gone ?”
“ I don’t think so, as her Mum died she doesn’t think he has gone back there and she has no idea of friends etc.”
“ Do you fancy a cuppa?”
“ Thanks babe, That would be great.”
Charity sat on the sofa with our boys while I made the tea. My heart felt warm as I watched her playing with them and the wide smile on her face was so genuine. I knew then that my Charity was indeed returning. I knew she must be working through a lot of heavy stuff and I understood how difficult that was as I had my own issues to deal with . I handed her her drink and sat in the chair looking at them.
“ Ness thanks, What did you need to see me for or was it just to see the boys ? “
“ Well I know they love to see you, Then so do I . I wanted to ask you something.”
She looked straight into my eyes and the look in them was warm but puzzled.
“ I wondered…No … I want you to go on a date with me. Would you ? “
“ What you mean like a date date…like us on a date ?”
“ Yes that’s what I would like…How about you ?”
“ Yeah I guess that would be ok.”
“ Don’t sound too enthusiastic Charity. I don’t want to twist your arm.”
“ Its not that Ness , you just took me a little by surprise. I would love to go on a date, When were you thinking of.?”
“ How about tomorrow evening. I will pick you up at 7pm.”
“ Yeah ok , sounds good to me. I better get going. I need to speak to couple of my drivers for tomorrow. I have had to cover Mack’s routes . I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
Charity went towards the door, then turned and looked at me intently and blew me a kiss and left. The boys were giggling at her and yelling bye to her.
Tracy was ok about having the boys, I didn’t actually tell her that it was so Charity and I could go on a date. Thankfully she didn’t ask. I went to see Rhona at lunch time the following day.
“ Tracy is having the boys. Is she ok with you dating Charity ?”
“ She didn’t ask where I was going so I didn’t tell her. Not sure what to say if she does. I know you might think im mad but im really nervous about tonight. I need it to go well. I miss her so much and I have given her space, I just need her back in my , no our lives properly.”
“ I know you love her Ness. What do you mean by properly ?”
“ Back in a relationship.”
“ Well you are in a kind of relationship, You are friends and co parents and you seem to be managing that well.”
“ Rhona I mean a romantic relationship as well you know.”
“ Yes I do know, but what if Charity isn’t ready yet “.
“ I guess I will have to wait more. I just need to know where she is right now I guess.”
“ As long as you are ok with that then what ever she says should be ok.”
“ I know, thanks Rhona. I best get back work. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.”
Work really dragged that afternoon and it felt like a whole day by the time I left to pick the boys up. I was doing their tea as usual and then dropping them off at 6 to Tracy’s. Giving me time to go home and get ready. Johhny and Moses were excited to see Tracy and Frankie. They made a fuss of their baby cousin and bounced excitedly about Tracy and asked to play their favourite games with her. I couldn’t help but notice how tired she looked and checked again she was ok having the boys overnight. She said once they were in bed they were no trouble unlike Frankie. We both agreed and compared notes on their respective baby stories. I left after a short chat with my Sister wanting to get ready to see Charity.
At dead on the dot of 7pm I knocked on Diane’s front door. I felt myself holding my breath. The door opened and Diane stood in front of me smiling and then said.
“ Wow Vanessa don’t you look gorgeous this evening. Doing anything special.”
“ I hope so.”
“ Me too Ness, you look stunning.” Charity arrived behind Diane and my heart started racing.
“ So do you Charity. Gorgeous.”
“ Are you two gonna go out or just stand there gorping at each other” Diane said laughing.
We suddenly realised what we were doing and both shook ourselves and Charity exited the house and followed me to my car. It only took about 30 minutes to get the Italian I had chosen in Hotten. The chat in the car was gossipy , light and relaxed. Once we were seated we were able to talk properly facing each other.
“ This is really nice Ness, Thank you for being brave and asking me.”
“ Darling I have wanted to ask for a while now and you seemed in a good place right now. Are you ?”
“ Yes I think I am. Things are getting easier and I have been working hard on my self and the business. How are things going for you Babe ?”
“ I am getting on really well with Simon, at some point maybe we could talk about the things we are learning or changing, feeling etc.”
“ I think that would be a good idea. I need to say though that nothing that I have learnt or found out about myself has changed how much I love you Ness.”
“ Oh Charity im so glad you said that, I feel exactly the same . In fact I think I love you more because im learning about things I reacted to when I was ill and why and how that could have effected you.”
“ Babe nothing you did lets me off the hook, my behaviour was down to me and me alone. I should have been able to deal with your pain and hurt instead of again making about my needs.”
“ I know that Charity, but I understand that it played into your insecurities and perpetuated your self destruct action.”
“ Ness I am solely responsible so please don’t think you are in any way to blame. I accept my failings. I am determined to never hurt you again and I’m learning why I act the way I do and change it. “
“ I’m so proud of you for this and I know we will be much stronger. If you still want to try again ?”
As I finished saying that waiting for an answer the waiter appeared to take our drinks and food order. Once we had chosen these we were again alone. I looked at Charity and I was surprised to see her eye had tears in them.
“ Babe I want nothing more in my life than to be back with you and our family. Please don’t think the time I have asked for and taken was anything to do with not wanting you back. I am ready to try babe if you are, Im all in.”
“ So how is dating going for you so far ?”
Laughing now “ Yes I can honestly say I would recommend it. I love you Ness. Thank you for loving me.”
“ How many dates do you think it will be before we can kiss a bit ?” I said with a cheeky grin.
“ Oh just the one , definitely just the one.”
We ate the food which was delicious and talked about all sorts. I had forgotten how easy it was for us to be in each other’s company. When I was ill I was so tense and scared. I know it was all perfectly normal but it made everything so much harder. This was wonderful. We had coffee and Charity had a brandy and then we were both ready to drive back to Emmerdale. Standing again outside Diane’s front door suddenly for the first time this evening we were both feeling awkward. I reached for Charity at the same moment she reached for me and our lips met in a wonderfully slow soft kiss. My legs felt like jelly and my heart beat loudly in my chest and I’m sure I could hear Charity’s doing the same. She pulled me close into her warmth and spoke softly in my ear.
“ I had a wonderful date with you Ness, Thank you . Can we have the next date really soon please.”
“ Oh yes please, I cant wait. Do I get more kisses on a second date?”
Charity lifted her left eyebrow and smiled her sexiest smile.
“ Oh yes Babe…..Night Ness.”
“ Night darling.”

To be continued……..

Chapter Text

Chapter 11

Hoping the second date would be soon had been the same for both of us unfortunately life had other plans . Both Moses and Johnny went down with a tummy bug that was going round the village and they were so sorry for themselves I couldn’t leave them. Charity came round each evening to help me with them both. It was nearly a week before we managed the next date . It was Charity’s idea to go on a picnic as the weather was really good and she had an afternoon free at the same time as I did. Charity had put the food and drink together and surprised me with a bunch of beautiful natural flowers. I did tease her about being an old romantic.
“ Oi less of the old. I know you deserve these and much much more. Thank you Ness for this last chance”
“ I don’t remember saying it was your last chance ?”
“ It will be as after all the work we are doing , it will be the only chance I need.”
“ I hope so Charity, I really don’t think I can stand to go through all this again.”
“ Ness I can honestly say I don’t think I could survive that pain again.”
“ Please Charity don’t say that. I was so scared when I thought I had lost you for good.”
“ No Ness I would never do that , I just meant I cant loose you again.”
“ Don’t see that happening , lets eat I’m starving.”
The afternoon passed and we talked and laughed about all sorts of stuff. I think we both knew we were avoiding the subject we both wanted, no needed to discuss.
“ Charity move a little closer.”
Charity looked up and directly into my eyes and I could see her weariness
I knew she was afraid to make the next move . This was strange as Charity was always the more physical of the us. Or at least of initiating the physical side of our relationship. I pulled her closer and kissed her gently.
“ Oh Ness babe, I have missed having you close so much.”
“ Charity what are you doing later ? “
“ Umm im free I think. What did you have in mind ?”
“ Come round at 6 and when the boys go to bed we could watch a movie if you like.”
“ Actually I would really like that Ness.”
As Charity leaned in and kissed me again the kiss was more needy and a lot longer. It made my toes curl and I had to catch my breath when we parted.
I looked into Charity’s eyes and saw reflected the same feelings I’m having and then we both smiled and I finally saw the Charity I love so much.
Charity arrived dead on the dot of 6 , she had a smile on her face and as soon as she saw me she winked. As always she makes my knees go weak and I smile back.
“ Hi babe, How are the rug rats ?”
“ They are driving me crazy asking when you were getting here, they are in their room if you want to go play while I finish dinner. Do you want some ?”
“ That would be great Ness if you don’t mind feeding me this evening. “
“ You fed me lunch so seems only fair.”
Charity went upstairs to play with the boys and I turned back to the cooker. Noah came in just to announce he was spending the night with Samson as they were having some gaming marathon. Didn’t want dinner as they were getting pizza. And off he went. Charity popped her head over the top of the stairs.
“ Was that Noah ?”
“ Yes , he has gone to stay at Samson’s “
“ Blimey thought I would at least get to say hello. How is dinner going ?”
“ 5 minutes if you want to get the boys to wash their hands.”
“ Kay babe.”
Dinner went down well and the boys loved having us both there with them. After we finished eating the boys wanted to watch the tv so we all sat together and suffered or in their case watched the latest Paw patrol. Eventually it was time for bed and Charity asked if she could do the baths and put them to bed . I was only too happy to relax and get myself a glass of wine. I got an extra glass ready if Charity wanted one. Charity finished with the bedtime routine and arrived back downstairs>
“ All done Ness, What are we going to watch ?”
“ Umm I might have told you a little white lie.”
“ Why Ness, whats up ?”
“ Oh nothing I just thought maybe as we have the place to ourselves we could talk properly about what we having been doing in our therapy.”
“ Well babe as we have the place to ourselves I can think of better things to do.”
“ Is that what you want Charity ? “
“ Ness you know how I feel about you babe, I find you totally irresistible “
“ Come here then “
“ Oh er right “
Charity moves towards me on the sofa and takes me in her arms and we start to kiss, I have missed her lips on mine so much and the softness of them moving against my own. I feel the need to slowly run my tongue along her lower lip asking for entry. It is not given and Charity actually pulls back , She looks almost embarrassed. I am taken aback and start to say something.
“ Ch ..Ch..Charity did I hurt you , are you ok?”
“ Sorry Ness, I erm ..I gotta go.”
Charity rushed out of the door and doesn’t even look back. I have no idea what just happened and I am sitting on the sofa on my own with tears escaping from my eyes. I have no idea what to do next.
This was already a really bad night and although I tried to message and phone Charity I haven’t been able to reach her. I hate not being able to find out what I did wrong. Sleep was not going to come easily and after tossing and turning I get up. Sitting with just the lamp on in the lounge and nursing a lukewarm cup of tea. Im staring of into space when I hear a very soft knock on the door and Charity’s voice softly saying.
“ Its only me babe.”
I open the door and she looks at me , I can see she has been crying and I’m sure she can see I have been doing the same. We sit looking at each other , with me in the armchair and her on the sofa.
“ I don’t mean to sound rude or impatient , but you knocked at my door. What do you want ?”
“ You Ness, but im terrified. Im so sorry about earlier. I lost my bottle and I cant believe it.”
Charity looks totally miserable and stares down at the floor. I wait a few minutes as I try to formulate what to say.
“ Darling I love you , I don’t care how long it takes to put us back together as long as we get there. There is no pressure Charity.”
“ God Ness I love you too. And I want nothing more than to take you to bed. I don’t really understand why im so scared to actually do just that.”
“ Hey it will happen when its right, are you worried about anything ?”
“ I think im still really scared you will leave again. You always said you would never let me go babe.”
“ Oh god Charity I know I said that. The lies in our relationship really took their toll and when I broke up with you over the scam with Mandy I don’t think we really dealt with the hurt. Then our lives went crazy , what with Graham’s murder and my doubts about your involvement , then my cancer diagnosis. I was all over the place and being isolated from you and our family. When Tracy sent that picture I believed the worst as she was suggesting. I know now it was just a kiss, But that kiss still tore my heart in two.”
Charity looks at me and I become aware there are tears running down my face.
“I understand I should have come home and faced you. The chemo and being at Mums had had a very noticeable effect on me. I felt you needed someone healthy and Mum not liking us being together all played into it. I do really Love you Charity.”
“ I know Ness and I would have left me too. I think that I hoped you loved me enough for us to work through it. But hell I certainly didn’t deserve it. I came back cause I know im being completely unreasonable and selfish. I was gonna wait till tomorrow and I had just come out to get some air as I couldn’t sleep, but I saw the light on.”
“ Im really glad you did Charity. I couldn’t sleep and I was so worried about what I had done wrong and how I had upset you.”
“ Ness you did nothing wrong, do you hear me Nothing. We will be fine. We have to be , I cant be without you babe.”
Charity got up from the sofa and walked towards me. She crouched down in front of me and opened her arms. I moved into her happily and we just held each other. Several minutes passed and neither of us moved or said anything.
Finally Charity pulled back a little and looked at me.
“ Ness can we go to bed. I really want to hold you tonight, just hold you.”
“ Oh Charity I would really love that.”
We walked up the stairs hand in hand. We both knew we would sleep soundly for the rest of the night.

To be continued……

Chapter Text

Chapter 12

It felt wonderful to wake slowly this morning and feel a familiar warm body next to mine and her arm protectively around me. I felt a warm feeling deep inside and a contentment that hasn’t been there in a while. Trying not to move I snuggled into Charity’s front tighter and hoped I wouldn’t wake her. Then I felt her move and pull me closer.
“ Mmmmm Morning Ness, I slept so well. How did you sleep ?
“ Really good once you were cuddled up to me”
“ I’ve not slept so well in a long time babe.”
“ I know what you mean darling, How about a morning kiss before I have to wake the monsters.”
Charity didn’t hesitate to turn me around to face her and gently lean in to kiss me. A gorgeous soft slow kiss. And we continued to kiss for a while. Charity’s hand starting to wonder so I let mine explore a little too , making sure not to go any further than she was comfortable going. Sadly just then I could hear the boys laughing and trotting along to my room and next thing we knew they were on the bed. They were so excited to see mummy Charity there.
“ Mummy can Mummy Charity make our breakfast and take us to school today please ?”
“ Well I don’t know” turning to Charity I met beautiful green eyes and looked into them and only saw warmth and love. Charity smiled and said that she had time as long as they were good.
“ We will be we promise”
“ Well in that case off you go, downstairs and I will be right behind you.”
They were off the bed and out the room before I had time to reach for Charity again, But she just pulled me into her and kissed me again then moved away.
“ Better get going then Ness. I love you and thank you for last night.”
“ I love you too and the pleasure was all mine babe, I really really want this to work.”
“ I know babe, me too. See you in a bit I will go sort the rug rats.”
With a wink she disappeared downstairs. I got up and sorted myself out. With my dressing gown on I headed to the shower. The water was running hot and I was lost in remembering the sensation of waking in Charity’s arms again after so long. I didn’t hear the bathroom door open and Charity lock it and join me in the shower. I almost jumped out of my skin when the shower door opened and she stepped in with me.
“ Hey babe, The boys are happily watching paw patrol as I said they could watch it if they stayed there while I gave you a hand.”
“Now that is a good idea Charity”
Charity lifted the sponge from my hands and made sure there was soap on it and started to wash my back making very gentle circles, god this is purgatory, loving the touch but so wanting more. She washed me all over and kissed my neck and ran her hands over my breasts. Whispering into my ear.
“ Babe, you must know how much I want you and how gorgeous I find you . Please don’t doubt that. I need to take this slow. I need you to know it isn’t because I don’t fancy you. I think the problem is I fancy you so very much.”
“ I do know darling, really as much as I want you, waiting is not an issue. This is just wonderful. You holding me all night is too.”
“ Im glad you feel that way because I would love to do it again.”
Charity left with the boys, and I had to get to work. I had agreed to meet Rhona for lunch in the woolpack today. It took some persuading as I’m really not that interested in going in the pub the way things are. So I am cracking on with the work and looking forward to a girlie gossip.
Rhona arrived a few minutes late at lunchtime and can rushing in the pub. I had got us a table but hadn’t yet gone to see Chas at the bar. Chas looked pretty miserable and as usual these days the pub was pretty empty.
“ Sorry Moira has had me all over the place today “
“ Really Rhona anything you want to tell me”
“ Oh ha ha Ness, Have you ordered yet ?”
“ No not yet, wasn’t keen on talking to Chas till you got here.”
“ Marlon says she is a nightmare at the moment. All the stuff going on with Liv and Aaron. But its not all that unusual for that lot is it ?”
“ I hope you aren’t including Charity in that lot now.”
“ Well she has been, but maybe not anymore. How are things ?”
“ Oh Rhona they are going really well it’s so good to have her coming back to me.”
“ Are you sure its what you want and not just pity cause of what she tried ?”
“ Rhona I cant believe you asked that. You know I love her and I always have, even when I’m angry with her.”
“ Yes sorry Ness, just making sure as I don’t think either of you could survive if it went wrong again and those little boys of yours.”
“ Yeah I know there is a lot at stake, But honestly we are taking it slowly and we are both working through stuff. We might find it helps to do some together too we have talked about it.”
“ Im gonna go order for us then we can talk again.”
We had a lovely lunch that even Chas could sore with her face at some point Cain came in and sat scowling at Chas and then turned and looked at us. They then continued their conversation. It was all quietly spoken until I heard Cain say “ Are you serious. How ?” Chas didn’t answer but rushed Cain out the back and that was that. Marlon came out to take over the bar although im not really sure why as no one wanted serving.
I had just said bye to Rhona went my phone pinged, I took it out and read my message , smiling it was from Charity and earlier fell into place. Charity said she had offered to buy both Chas and Marlon out of the pub and they were thinking about it. Marlon seemed quite keen and she thought that Chas’s main issue was the fact it was her. Followed by her asking if she could come over and see me and the boys later. I messaged back that she was very welcome and im happy to feed her too. That got a smiley face. I returned to work and got on with my afternoon call outs. I love being out on the farms with the big animals. I had really missed doing this. And so grateful I was able to again. Thinking as I was driving that I had so much to be grateful for. I know I am impatient to have Charity back by my side, but I really want to ask her to move back in. I know we could both do with the better sleep.
“ Ness dinner was wonderful, I’ve always loved your Lasagne. Let me bath the boys and do the bedtime routine again tonight.”
“ Charity could we maybe do the same bedtime routine too “
“ Erm…sorry erm ok Ness”
“ You don’t have to “
“ No its not that it was just a surprise, I good one of course.”
She looks straight at me and I know she is being honest. My heart skips a beat knowing I will curled up with her again tonight. After the boys have worn themselves out playing games with Mummy Charity and have finally succumbed to sleep tucked up happily in their beds. Charity comes back down the stairs.
“ Babe I think we should do tonight what you suggested last night”
“ Really are you ready”
“ Talk Ness about what we have been working on. I have had a lot of sessions now and I know I have told you some of it, but I have gone right back with it and talked about my childhood. My Dad and my Mum dying, The parts about ending up on the streets. All the stuff I hate talking about. But I have and its not the events particularly that are my problem , I have put them behind me after the trial and you being there for me. It’s the behaviours and the way I feel about myself I have had to work really hard with. I suppose the simple way to put it is why I do what I do.”
“ I can see how that would help you darling, I understand how hard that must be for you. I have been doing similar. Feelings about my parents and their treatment of me Positive and negative how that has changed the way I deal with things. “
“ Ness when I couldn’t reach you properly when you were at your Mums all my stupid paranoid thoughts started and I thought I had never been good enough for you and having time away from me had made you realise that. I was so wrong. What makes me good enough for you is that I love you deeply and you love me. It isn’t about scams so I can play the big I am to you, you don’t need that from me do you. You just want my honesty and me not being dragged off to jail if I get caught. It isn’t about money or jobs or where we live its about a stable me and a stable you being strong and together for us and each other and our family. I am doing my best to open up fully to you even though I’m scared.”
“ Charity you are doing amazingly , I know you are working hard and trying. You have been great with the boys and me. I’m so proud of the progress you have made darling.”
“ Thank you Ness. Maybe tomorrow evening we can go further into depth with my darker bits and you can explain some of yours too, But I’m exhausted for today. So am I staying, is that what you were suggesting earlier ?”
“ Yes Charity that’s exactly what I want . I love you darling and waking up with you was bliss.”
“ It was wasn’t it , I think I slept last night the best I have since you went to your Mums.”
“ I love you.”

To be continued………

Chapter Text

Chapter 13

When I opened my eyes it was still far too early to get up, but the bed next to me was empty. I dragged my dressing gown on and quietly made my way downstairs. There was no sign of Charity. Just as I was starting to worry as to where she had gone I heard a small cough outside the back door. Popping my head out the door I see Charity sitting on the bench staring out at nothing with a cigarette in her hand.
“ Oh shit Ness thought I could get away with a crafty puff.”
“ Charity you don’t have to hide you have an occasional cigarette, I do know you know. Come in and I will make you a coffee, its still too early to be awake.”
“ Well in that case how about we take the coffee back upstairs Babe ?”
“ Mmmmm sounds like an idea.”
We entered the bedroom and Charity settled herself back in bed and pulled the quilt back for me to get in next to her.
“ Ness sorry if I woke you, I woke up and had too much running around my head. Chas still hasn’t answered my offer and Marlon is holding out to see what she decides. I feel like im just hanging on.”
“ Charity it will come right one way or the other. Even if we don’t get it now , then im sure we will get the pub back in the future. Because you and I babe can do anything when we are a team.”
“ Oh Ness, That sounds so good. I honestly never thought I would have you next to me again or in my arms.”
“ We belong together . Remember ?”
“ Yes I do babe. Always.”
I didn’t get an evening visit from Charity that day even though she had messaged that she had a lot on I was disappointed. That was to set the way things were for the rest of the week and the following week. Charity was keeping in touch but I really missed her and I have to say I was a little worried she had taken on too much with everything she was trying to do. The therapy , the haulage business and trying to get the Woolie back. It wasn’t till the following weekend I finally saw her for more than just a few minutes in passing. She knocked on the door on Saturday evening with a sheepish look on her face.
“ Hi Babe, Can I come in.”
“ Are you sure you have time.”
“ Ouch ! Im sorry Ness I just have had a lot on my plate the last week or so and I wanted to actually have most of it out of the way before I spent time with you. Forgive me ?”
“ So how is that going then ?”
“ Yes I have got most of it done and I saw Kerry a couple of extra times as it has been quite intense. We have been dealing with Bails and that part of my life.”
“ Oh God Charity im sorry , I just missed you.”
“ Ness no need I missed you too. I just had to get past that. Honestly it was harder than I thought and I needed to reflect on my own. I could use a cuddle mind.”
The cheeky smile that crossed her face was all I needed to rush to her and throw my arms around her. I held her tight and she didn’t let go. We just stood there for some time. We only broke apart as Noah came downstairs in search of food. I asked Charity if she wanted a drink and she sat down on the sofa and had a chat with Noah. After he had disappeared to his room again I sat next to her and we both had a glass of wine.
“ So how bad was it Charity ?”
“ Well you know the stuff I went through after the court case a lot of people knew things I never wanted to share.”
“ Sorry for making you do that “
“ No Ness we both know you were right and I should have listened to you after when you said I needed help. I damaged myself again by just pushing it all back down and making out I was fine. Darling im so sorry babe, all this would have been different if I wasn’t so bloody stubborn. Truth is Ness I was scared. I hate admitting that.”
“ You are the bravest person I have ever known and I have told you that before. What you have survived and what you are now doing is beyond anything I can imagine . I love you and think you are amazing.”
“ Your gonna make me cry babe.”
“ Oh Charity I hope not. Just know im here for you and I always will be.”
“ I hate saying this… but you have promised me this before. How can I be sure now.?”
“ I know I let you down. As soon as I knew the truth I was right back here by your side darling so you do know in your heart that I am telling you the truth.”
“ I guess I just have to feel worthy of you to truly believe you.”
“ I hope you get to that Charity, cause I need us back. I miss you.”
“ I know babe, me too.”
After another glass of wine and a less emotional conversation about the pub. Which was still up in the air according to Charity. It was bedtime and I wasn’t sure what to expect as it had been nearly a week since we slept together. Charity asked if she could stay and I knew we would both sleep well that night.
Again it was nearly a week again until I saw Charity for any time in person. We messaged or spoke on the phone but not in person. She also picked up the boys, but only saw her for a few minutes. It seemed so strange that the harder we worked to get stronger for each other the less we saw each other.
I had noticed some activity at the pub and some vans at the back one day. When I asked Rhona she just said it was nothing , Chas and Marlon had been clearing out some old bits and pieces. Then a notice appeared saying the pub would be shut for a week. Rhona said it was a pain but they were having some plumbing work done. The gents loo’s had had an issue a while back I remembered that so thought very little after that. When Charity did come round again she was evasive and I felt rather distant. She didn’t stay the night either.
“ Babe I really want to but im up to my neck in stuff I have to get done. I promise I will make it up to you. How about next Friday night I take you out for dinner”.
“ Ok I will look forward to that , if you are sure you are ok ?”
“ Yes Ness I am really good. Im really am busy.”
The week passed slowly and when I was walking to and from work or even taking the boys to school there seemed to be people around the village and vehicles I didn’t recognise. I didn’t think to much of it, but thought when I saw Charity I would ask if she knew what was going on and if there had been any decision on the pub especially as they had another week with no takings at all.
Friday came and Charity had texted me and told me she would pick me up at 7pm if that was ok. So I was getting ready when there was a knock at the door.
Thankfully Noah was downstairs with the boys and had agreed to babysit, so he let his Mum in . I came downstairs ten minutes later and stopped dead at the bottom of the stairs.
“ Wow Charity you look stunning.”
“ So do you Ness, Beautiful Babe, just beautiful. These are for you .”
Handing me a gorgeous bunch of flowers. I felt overwhelmed. Seeing Charity looking breath-taking and waiting to spend time with me was perfect.
We got in the car and Charity assured me she would be fine to drive as she was only going to have one glass of wine with dinner. We got to a lovely little Italian in Hotton we had been to before and we knew the food was great. After we had given the waiter our drinks and food order we sat looking at each other. Charity looked more at ease than I think I could ever remember seeing her.
“ Charity you do look absolutely gorgeous tonight and somehow more relaxed and at peace than I think I have ever seen you.”
“ You took my breath away earlier Ness, I do feel good and after a few hard and hectic weeks I also feel great with what I have achieved.”
“ Mmm well I could get used to you this way .”
“ Oh I hope so babe, cause you know im never letting you go again.”
We smiled at each other and returned to more everyday conversation, about the boys and there school and Noah’s future as his college year was coming to an end. I then thought about the extra people and vans etc in the village.
“ Charity have you noticed there seems to have been a lot of people around the last week any idea why ? and the pub being shut. Have you got an answer from Chas yet.”
“ Well that’s part of why we are out to dinner the pub being shut an all . I wanted to surprise you tonight so please don’t ask any more questions until we get back to the village ok.”
“ Erm ok . This cannelloni is amazing.”
We had a wonderful evening and we talked about all sorts of stuff. But mainly we laughed like we used to and Charity was on form. I was so enjoying her company I forgot the coming surprise.
“ Ness now we are back I need to get some bits from my place.”
“ Ok shall I come in or is Diane an early to bed kinda lady?”
“ No you stay there a minute.”
As I watched Charity walk away from the car she walked up to the pub.
“ Charity , what you doing. Don’t tell me you still have stuff you need in there ?”
“ Well actually you may as well come in with me now, I only went ahead to check something.”
I walked up to her at the front door of the pub. It was locked and the lights were off.
“ Well it looks like you are out of luck babe, lets just get back to mine. I fancy a cuddle on the sofa.”
“ Lovely idea Ness, but I have a key.”
“ Why ? Whats going on ?”
“ Just wait a minute and I will unlock the door miss impatient.”
As she pushed the door open and flicked on a light I just stood behind her in shock. There in front of us was the bar area looking very different. Mainly the same layout, but modern and comfortable chairs , new tables and the décor had been updated all in pastel relaxing colours .Wooden blinds instead of heavy curtains. Lots of wood features but instead of dark wood it was light and some of it limed. It looked wonderful all new modern lights and I just looked at Charity with my eyes wide.
“ Darling did you do all this ?”
“ Well the builders did Ness, do you like it ?”
“Oh wow I love it. It looks wonderful.”
“ There’s a lot more to see. Let me lock the door and I will give you the full tour.”
She locked the front door and we made our way to the back of the bar area.
I realised the bar although the same had in fact moved back giving more seating areas. As we went through to the back room I noticed a lot of the back storage had been removed to give the space for the bar position. It crossed my mind briefly where would the stock be. Then Charity opened the door to the back room and it to had changed. Gone was the lounge and home kitchen, there was still a small kitchen , just basic kettle and microwave and a table and chairs. But the lounge are a was now a mixture of tidy storage and an office with 2 desks and computers and a couple of filing cabinets. Again all done out in natural colours and modern wooden blinds, the door to the hall way was closed and had been changed and I noticed had a lock.
“ What is this room then babe. And dose this mean this is all yours ?”
“ Yes Babe, it is all ours. The Deed is in joint names. This is my office for the haulage company and the running of the pub.”
“ Are you staying at Diane’s then cause you have got rid of your living area ?”
“ Come with me Ness.”
We went through the door and at the bottom where stairs were is another door , unlocking that we go upstairs. Upstairs has always had lots of rooms and plenty of people have lived there. As we get to the top of the stairs I am disorientated. Charity takes my hand and leads me into a very large room with lovely windows.
“ I had the builders take down a stud wall to give us this, do you like it ?”
Looking around there is a modern kitchen along the far wall with a kitchen island with stools at it. It has all built in hob and oven etc. I cant see a fridge so I assume its built in too. The units are a soft mink colour and the rest of the room is pastel again. The blinds at the windows match downstairs and give a view over the front to the village. Further into the room there is a lovely table with comfortable chairs and the other end of the room is a lounge. Im speechless.
“ How have you done all this ? It’s absolutely gorgeous. Oh Charity is this really ours ?”
“ Yes babe, there are four further bedrooms and two bathrooms , one is on suite to our room and I made sure that is the same bedroom it was.”
Charity smiles at me with a knowing glint in her eye. She knew that was important to me, to us. I am so touched she has done all this to surprise me and I love it. I would have chosen it the same.
“ Ness all we need to do tomorrow is move you and the boys in . If you are ready ? I am I was waiting for our new home to be ready for us.”
“ Charity a million times Yes Darling, Yes Yes Yes.”
And with that I grab her and kiss her with everything I have. The kiss lasts a long time.

To be continued……..

Chapter Text

Chapter 14

I am still locked in a deep kiss with Charity and my brain has turned to mush. Finally we both need to breath.
“ Wow Lady , you know how to sweep me off my feet.”
“ Oh Ness you have no idea. The boys are taken care of for tonight babe. Lets go to bed”.
There is something so seductive in the way she said that I could feel my knees start to go weak. She took my hand and led me to our special bedroom.
The decor was the same in our old room, just new blinds replacing the curtains and a new doorway leading to our new bathroom. It all looked beautiful but my mind was on the gorgeous blonde standing next to me. Charity pulled my hand to draw me closer and gently pushed me down on the bed and followed me down. I look into her eyes and they are free of pain , no haunted clouds there and the love and passion shining from them is breath taking. I turned to her next to me and took her face in my hands and drew her into a soft gentle loving kiss. I’m not to sure how far she wants to go and nothing in me needs to push her or spoil what’s been a perfect evening.
“ Come here Ness , I need you so much. How I have waited to feel you here with me.”
“ I have been next to you numerous times over the past few weeks ?”
“ I know Ness, Tonight is different babe. Tonight I cant hold back any longer.”
I instantly knew what she meant and my heart raced at the idea of being intimate at last with her.
“ Are you sure Charity, I’m ok waiting if it isn’t right yet for you. I don’t want you to feel any pressure. I did wonder if you were staying away the past few weeks to avoid the situation.”
“ Oh Ness no , not at all I really was getting all this done making sure I had the funds sorted etc. I want you darling , I wanted it to be special. I probably was ready a couple of weeks ago. I think it mattered to me that I had something to offer you.”
“ Charity, you are all I ever needed and you could have just moved home with me , you didn’t have to do all this. Having said that I do love it completely. I just mean I am yours either way , its you , wonderful you I need.”
There was nothing left to say as Charity slid her arm around my waist and pulled me back into her.
“ Ness I love you in this dress, I just think I would like it more on the floor right now”. And she smirked a classic wicked smile and I was gone.
“ Charity what ever you do please don’t change.”
I shuffled off the bed and standing right in front of her I slip out of my dress as seductively as I can and she was definitely enjoying it as she had moved her right hand down the waist band of her trousers and I knew what her fingers were doing. This was so hot, so I then with a lot of teasing I undo my stockings ( I only put them on for her ) and one by one pull them off. I left the suspenders and moved to my bra, touching my breasts through the delicate lacy material and watch the look of desire increase ten fold on Charity’s face as she watches me. I have to say I am very very turned on and enjoying having her in my control for the first time in so very long. I knew how wet I am and hope she is as wet for me and I am becoming desperate to touch her and find out. I decide that I am only going to remove my bra now and then she would have to loose some of her clothes. I pull the straps down on my bra and run my fingers along the top of my breasts and watch her eyes almost pop, reaching behind I undo the bra and then catching it so it still covered me I very slowly allow it to expose my breasts and hear Charity whimper softly .I bent down to pull her slightly up to me and whisper in her ear.
“ Hey sexy you are wearing too many clothes, Let me take some off.”
Charity moaned and doesn’t resist as I undo the buttons on her blouse and stroke her soft skin under her breasts and feel her shiver at my touch. My hands continue to explore her neck and then her shoulders as I removed her blouse and pushed down the straps on her bra and hearing her sigh and groan at the exploration of my hands and tongue. I wanted to reacquaint myself with every inch of this beautiful woman’s body.
“ Oh god I want you so badly .”
My fingers undo the top button on her trousers and I pulled at the zip becoming more impatient to touch her properly. As I pull them off her legs I finally join her again on the bed and she takes me by surprise by grabbing me and flipping me onto my back. I don’t fight it , I’m amazed she let me have control for so long. Pinned now to the bed with Charity kissing my neck and shoulders then my chest, taking my nipples into her mouth I don’t care who is in control. I want her so much it hurts and I need her in every way possible. I cant see anyone getting any sleep tonight. As she continues to lavish my nipples with her tongue and fingers I manage to move my hand just enough to let my fingers sneak under the waist band of Charity’s pants, as soon as my fingers reach her centre I feel the wetness there , she is dripping and she moans loudly as she feels my touch, She doesn’t resist my fingers and lets them continue as her fingers and mouth make their way down my body. We turn onto our sides to make access easier as our need to claim each other escalates. we both pull the others pants down and off so we can finally be free to feel each other fully.
“ Ness I need you , God I need you inside me as much as I need to feel you and take you.”
With that I almost scream in pleasure as her fingers find my centre and enter me with sheer passion and want. At the exact same time my fingers enter her and the feeling of elation to feel her hot wet centre is almost overwhelming .
We are looking straight into each others eyes and the emotion is evident in her eyes, mine are welling up, the sheer need for this is immense and the moment is not lost on either of us. Our fingers are in a slow rhythm , I feel the urge to push deeper and quicker as my need for her is total. Charity is moaning and talking dirty to me and driving me crazy. Charity is feeling the same as her fingers start to go deeper inside me. I am so wet and horny I just cant get enough. Charity knows with out me telling her how I’m feeling right now and although I appreciate the wish for our first time to be romantic , its never really been our way. Making love for us as always been amazing sex. Mind blowing passionate sex, and tonight will be no exception. I know that we are both close to cumming as we finger fuck each other. When we cum almost at the same time I know this is far from all that we need. Charity disappears into the bathroom and I’m sure she enjoys the stupid grin on my face as after a few minutes she comes out wearing my fav toy. Coming back onto the bed she gently moves me onto my knees and facing away from her. Softly she says.
“ Is this ok for you Ness, I don’t mind if you don’t want to I just felt you needed it.”
“ Charity you know I need it and don’t think for one minute I have finished with you. I am so horny for you “.
“ Oh Ness I love it when you need me like this. I have never felt anything like the way we connect. I love you so much babe.”
“ Charity I love you too but please please fuck me.”
Charity laughs and positions herself behind me and gently making sure I am still wet enough , I am still dripping wet for her and I scream with pleasure as I feel the tip of the strap on slide into me from behind and the rhythm that she fucks me at is perfect. She has hold of my hips and her other hand is moving up my thigh and reaching for my clit. As she strokes my clit and fucks me I can feel myself coming apart. The intensity of our connection is everything. I feel the orgasm building in me and Charity feels it too , she strokes my clit a little firmer and I cant hold back anymore and the orgasm is crashing through me, Charity doesn’t stop and keeps thrusting inside me and rubbing my clit until and second orgasm takes over and I am left panting and unable to form words or hold myself up any longer.
Charity takes me by the waist and with draws from me and lays me gently down , while I try to breath.
“ Oh my god Charity that was incredible. I need a just a couple of minutes to pull myself together.”
“ Oh babe so do I . God I love you and especially when you are this horny.”
“ Take that stupid grin off you cocky face Lady.”
“ No Ness never, you are everything to me. You know that.”
We cuddle for a little while content in our afterglow. But its not long before I need her and I start to kiss my way down her body and towards my goal. Charity knows what I need and she is ready for me. As my tongue reached her clit she groans loudly and I revel in the taste of her. It is like nothing else I have ever tasted and I love it, I love what it does to her. I raise my eyes and watch her face as I lick and tease her clit and dip my tongue into her centre over and over worshiping the woman I love with all my heart. After two mind blowing orgasms Charity practically begs me to stop, I understand she can take no more just for a little while.
“ Ness you are so good at that. I love you making me cum that way. I cant believe we are here and this all belongs to us. For the first time we have made love in our own home.”
“ I know Charity you are amazing and I am so proud of we have both achieved this past year and so happy we are together again.”
“ Babe, I know its soon but I need to ask you if there is any chance you would put this back on .”
Looking down to her hand I see my engagement ring , I gasp. You kept it for me.?”
“ Of course I did.”
“ Yes Charity I will wear it again if you promise that you will turn up. Not sure I could handle being stood up again. “
“ Babe, I never ever meant that to happen. I promise you I will be there. I want you to be my wife.”
“ You better put it on me then before I change my mind” I smiled at her, knowing I wasn’t going to.

To be continued…..

Chapter Text

Chapter 15

Saturday we move everything into the pub , our new home is hectic and exhausting. I just cant stop smiling and looking at Charity is the same. Not everyone is happy to see all the activity and boxes going in. As I walk down with two bags full of Johnny and Moses clothes I see Chas standing talking to Cain. They both turn away as the see me. I wish they understood Charity better. But I guess that would mean listening to her and not taking her nonsense at face value. Or even see how much she has achieved and far she has come since she was drinking and hurting herself. I couldn’t be more proud and really don’t care what anyone else thinks. Coming back out of the pub and walking back up to Jacobs Fold I see Rhona heading towards me.
“ Is it true ? You are moving in with Charity.”
“ Yes I definitely am, I cant believe I have managed to get back Rhona” I realise I have a stupid grin and Rhona just smiles widely back at me.
“ Ness I’m so happy for you both. You belong together you always have. I know this is difficult but do you think that Charity would consider taking Marlon back as chef in the pub, do you know when she plans to re open ?”
“ Actually don’t laugh , but I didn’t ask her. I will see what I can do. Better get on before she sends a search party.”
Just after I walked back into the house to find the next lot to pick up Charity comes through the door.
“ Hey babe, what you up to. If its heavy stuff I will get Noah to give us a hand. Please don’t over do it.”
“ Charity I’m fine now, you have to believe me, strong as an ox”.
“ As long as you don’t start looking like one” She laughs at her own joke.
“Oi you less of the cheek. I bumped into Rhona. She wanted to know when you were gonna re open the pub and something else she wanted me to ask you…”
“ What babe.”
“ Im not sure now is the time Charity, maybe when we have this lot sorted. “
“ Ness what is it you don’t want to ask me. Oh as for the pub I thought tomorrow as most people don’t work on a Sunday , What do you think ?”
“ Sounds good, do you have staff sorted by any chance ?”
“ Ahh now the penny drops. So Marlon wants his job in the kitchen ? “
“ Well yes, Sorry Darling I just didn’t want to stress you in the middle of all this.”
“ Well you can tell Rhona from me… Yes of course he can. But I will need to go through a new menu with him. And in answer to the other staff then yes I have. I was always going to ask Marlon back , I just hadn’t got around to it as some needy woman had me awake most the night and I’m a little tired this morning”
I look at my stunning Fiancée and smile.
“ It might not happen again if you are too old and cant handle the pace lady.”
I move as fast I can up the stairs knowing she is gonna get me for that comment , and hearing her foot steps behind me on the stairs I know I’m right.
She does reach and grab my T shirt and I scream playfully. She pulls me to her and kisses me soundly. As we come up for air.
“ You are way to cheeky this morning babe. I am definitely not too old and I can handle you anytime you like.” I love seeing the glint in her eyes.
“ If we weren’t moving into our new home I would take you up on that right now. Later babe.”
As I started to move away I just wink at her and she burst out laughing and smacks my arse. God how I have missed being with her like this. I actually think she is better than ever. She feels like she finally has some value and its not money now to her. She feels she has proved herself and I guess she feels also me wrong. I have never thought she wasn’t amazing , but she did and it matters she feels worthy of me. She has relaxed in ways I have never seen in her before. Its wonderful. I don’t believe for a minute that our future will be all sun and rainbows but I do know now how much we love each other and that we will face everything else in our future together. This weekend couldn’t really get any better.
Its gone 7pm by the time everything has been moved from Jacobs Fold and Diane’s. Pizza all round and happy boys. Finally later we sit together on our new sofa cuddling and hear nothing , as Noah has his head set on playing his favourite game in his room and the little ones are fast asleep after a long day throwing their toys all over our new home. Charity smiles softly at me and leans into kiss me.
“ Babe its all ours and is permanent , I never thought I would ever have this kind of security. The fact that I have you back is the most important thing in my life, but having our family all together is a very close second. I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for our family and keeping them all together after I had torn them apart.”
“ Charity it isn’t needed , but thank you . I would do it all again . I just hope I never have to and we never lose each other again.”
“ Never darling. We belong together.”
After a much needed lay in this morning and having already texted Rhona I can hear Charity and Marlon downstairs in the kitchen talking menus. It seems to take a long time but I’m in no rush so I pop in the shower and get dressed. The boys are in the lounge watching some Disney film for the 400 th time and I think I will take Charity a coffee down. I have it in the mugs and just getting to the hall and the door at the bottom of the stairs opens and Charity comes up,
“ Hey babe, Looking gorgeous as usual.”
“ Charity im just in my jeans “
“ Exactly sexy. Is that Coffee for me.”
“ Yes I was bringing it down for you. “
“ No need babe I can have it up here with you. Marlon has his instructions for the menu etc all done.”
“ What time today were you thinking of opening cause at this rate no one is going to know.”
“ Don’t worry about that, maybe later this afternoon. What do you think.”
“ You are in charge of the pub Charity so when ever you think.”
“ I will have my coffee with you then I’m gonna nip out to spread the word then.”
“ Sounds like a plan , I can come with you. What do you want to do about food ? “
“ Oh erm , don’t worry about that till I have all of this sorted then maybe a take away.”
“ Well if your sure I can give the rug rats a snack to keep them going.”
“ Yeah ok Ness, Right im off.”
Left to my own devices I make sure that more of the boxes get empty. Then the boys need a little nap as it was a late night last night for them too. Watching films I hear and eating way too many sweets for my liking.
I must have nodded off for a bit and Charity is still not back when I wake up. Then I realise what woke me. My phone pings again and looking at it I see its from Rhona.
“ Ness can you come over asap I’m having a crisis . I need my friend.”
“ I will but Charity isn’t back yet and I have the boys. They are awake so I could bring them too ?”
“ Yes brilliant thanks.”
Getting the boys back into clothes and trainers and rushing out the back door I realise I haven’t told Charity im going over to Rhona’s. I must do it when I get there.
“ Rhona whats happened ?”
“ Oh Ness that was quick. Thank you so much. I’m probably being silly . I think Marlon is cheating on me again.”
“ Oh come Rhona what makes you think that. I’m sure you are wrong.”
“ Well lets settle the kids together and then we can open a bottle and chat.”
We gave the kids stuff to do and then set about chatting. Well I’m thinking as she is telling me that she is making something out of nothing. So I tell her that. After another hour of me trying to reassure her and her going on about nothing really her phone pings and Rhona looks relieved .
“ Erm Ness can you come upstairs with me , I just need you to see something.”
“ Well to be honest I really need to get back I texted Charity ages ago, but I have no idea where she has got to.”
“ It wont take a minute, Honest.”
Following up the stairs I’m irritated that my nice free day has been taken up with this fuss over nothing. Just as I enter Rhona’s room I come face to face with a wedding dress.
“ Rhona what the hell is going on here. If Marlon has asked you to marry him then why would he be cheating and why didn’t you say something before”
“ Ness, He hasn’t . Would you be a love and just put it on for me.”
“ Rhona. Why would you want me to put it on?”
“ Ness please put it on , just humour me .”
Well what harm could it do. So I put it on with Rhona helping . I turn to look in the mirror and just stare .
“ God Ness you look beautiful in it. Absolutely stunning.”
“ It does look lovely . I better take it off now, I need to get back. Are you ok now. Can you get the zip.”
Rhona pulls at the zip and then swears loudly.
“ What ?”
“ Oh god I’m sorry Ness, I just wanted to see my old wedding dress and I cant get into it. I know that sounds crazy. I think you are right I’m over reacting about Marlon and I’m feeling a bit stupid now. But the zip is stuck.”
“ Oh god Rhona is no one around that can help, As lovely as this dress is I cant go home in it. Please.”
As we get back downstairs with me in the dress I see the boys aren’t there.
“ Where the hell are the boys Rhona. What’s going on just tell me ?”
“ Sarah messaged me before and took them out and as I needed your help I thought it would be good. “
“ Right I need to get home and find out when we are opening and find Charity.
And get help to get out of your dress.
As I ran as fast I was able in the dress I didn’t see Charity duck behind a wall in the village or Rhona laughing and giving the thumbs up to Charity as she broke cover and ran across the road behind me.
I get in the door at the back and try the flat door , its locked and I haven’t got a key yet. I phone Charity and it goes to her answer phone. Typical. At that moment my phone pinged and it’s a text from Charity
Sorry Ness battery about to die .Can you come in the pub, front door on the catch. Just in here up to my elbows in stuff having an issue with a beer pump. Need your help babe. I didn’t know where you were.
Well that just about does it. This has got to be the worst Sunday for a while. What with Rhona cracking up, making me put this dress on and now I cant get into to get help with the zip and I’m probably going get it covered in beer. Rhona will not be pleased. I still have no idea why she wanted me to try it on. Not to mention what Charity is going to think when she sees what I’m wearing. God Charity will think I’m a physco bride just because she put the ring back on my finger last night. This cant get any worse. I sneak around the side of the pub and quickly through the door, Thanking who ever that the village is very quiet.
As I walk through the door I cant believe my eyes.
The pub is decorated with fairy lights every where and practically the entire Village is seated in rows in front of me all smiling at me. There are flowers all over the pub and soft music playing. Standing at the end of the rows of people is Charity looking amazing in a off white suit. Under her jacket she has on a red silk camisole . She is breath taking. I cant take my eyes off her. As she holds out her hand I start to walk towards her. Suddenly Tracy is next to me holding a bouquet of flowers matching those all around. Then the music starts with a track that Charity and I love. Tracy nudges me to move again as I walk I see the boys all grinning at me in cute little suits. As I draw level with Charity I look at her and ask how the hell she did all this.
“ Babe, I wanted to make it special for you”
Then she looked at me and whispered.
“ Is this ok Ness, We can do this later on if its too soon, I wont mind.”
“ You might not , but I will. I cant wait to be Mrs Dingle. Its perfect.”
Charles steps forward and talks about love and commitment. Then gets to our vows.
Charity goes first because she knew about the wedding and was prepared.
“ Ness I have loved you since the first time we kissed and I will love you till the day I die. You are it for me Babe.”
“ Very well put and so like you.” Smiling at her
“ I never imagined the person I would love completely would be you. But here we are and I guess I’m stuck with you.”
Everyone is laughing quietly , but they all know just how much we love each other.
We will never be conventional. But I know deep in my soul we will always be together.
I drink from the welly even though the only other member of the Dingle clan there is Marlon. Rhona is laughing at me as I finish it and stagger slightly. But I don’t care because today all my dreams came true. And my wife better have meant that she could handle it because she is in for another sleepless night.

The End