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Pro tips for writing accurate anal sex (and other booty activities): from your friendly neighbourhood gay guy

Hello friends. I was inspired to write this after reading many a fanfic and wincing for various butt related reasons..

So. We begin. 

(By the way, this is just based on my own personal experience! It can and does vary from person to person. Don’t take this as “the gospel” or whatever.)  

1: Lubing it up

This is, no joke, my catchphrase: when in doubt, use more lube.

I can't stress this enough. When it comes to using your back door in the bedroom, lube is your Best Friend. Say sorry to the bestie you watch tv and eat popcorn with, lube is now your fucking (literally) soulmate. At least for the night. And when you think you have enough, add more. Spit can sometimes work, but not often and not just any spit. It's got to be slick. Here’s what works for me: suck a dick! Or fingers. Whatever. If you’re like me, and have a gag reflex, your body will swiftly begin to produce mass amounts of very thick and slick saliva when it feels a large intrusion nearing the throat aka how you breath. It's basically just a defense system, but when you’re trying to get dick (or write about someone getting dick), it's a useful thing to have when there’s nothing else around. 

While having lube that’s specific to anal is best, there are alternatives! Some lotions work, but check the ingredients. Even better, oil! Coconut or olive oil are good. Baby oil could work, but it's thinner, and therefore may need to be frequently replenished which could get annoying. The most important rule with lube is if it doesn’t feel slick enough, it isn’t. Don’t just hope that when you’re goin’ in, it’ll feel better- cus trust me, it doesn’t. You need lube. 

2: Nerves vs being uninterested

Emotions! Wheee! 

Lots of people are nervous their first time. Very normal, totally expected. There is a way around this, which is slow and gentle foreplay. Relax, deep breaths, it’ll be ok. 

For writing smut, this is a great opportunity to whip out the fluff or soft sex! A first time bottom takes time. If you’ve never had anything up your ass, it's gonna feel weird, sometimes uncomfortable. Having a knowledgeable and patient top is good, to make sure the bottom doesn’t get hurt by rushing. Positive reinforcement is very useful- pleasurable distraction, basically. If the bottom is being distracted by something else (kissing, penis, testicle, clitoral, or vaginal stimulation) while the top stretches them, they’re more likely to take it better. Playing with the ring of muscle is good foreplay too. There’s lots of ways to handle nerves!

However!!! There’s also a flip side to this. If the bottom is uninterested, it's very different. If your body doesn’t want to open up- ie. never comfortably making it past two fingers, closing and tightening back up quickly, or basically absorbing lube, it's much more difficult to make progress. DO NOT force it. It will just be uncomfortable. You can keep trying foreplay, but ultimately, if your body doesn’t want to open up, it's not gonna happen. 

3:Stretching

Oh heavens. This is one of the hard hitters. I couldn’t count all the fictions I’ve read with improper stretching if I had ten more hands. Here we go.

Unlike a vagina (or mouth, I guess), the anus doesn’t prep itself. It doesn’t open on command, isn’t slick and ready to party. You gotta do it manually. This can be fun, if you do it right! Though it is necessary, it absolutely counts as foreplay. 

It’s most common to stretch using fingers. (Some do preparation before the actual stretching using a douche or enema, but it’s not always needed.) The MOST common mistake I see in fanfics is not stretching enough. One finger is obviously not enough, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fic with just one finger for stretching. But I’ve seen wayyyyy too many fics where they stop at two fingers. 

Think of it this way: two fingers are about the same size as a travel shampoo bottle. They’re called travel size for a reason: they’re small. So unless your partner or toy is dumb small, two fingers is NOT gonna work. 

Three fingers is better! Especially when they are spread, increasing the quality of the stretch. Three fingers might be enough for the average size (5 inches) and some people like a stretch.

However, a very common trope in fics is writing the top as big or “hung”. It's a great trope! But only if done right. When taking something big- especially if the bottom is still new to anal or if its their first time-, you have to got to be properly stretched and lubed. Just as simple as that. Four fingers is generally a good goal. The more stretched, the better. 

4: Position

Ok, so you or your character is finally prepped, stretched, ready to go. Next is the big show! Now, this is less important, since this is writing and not irl, but if you wanna learn about irl too, I gotchu. 

Positions! There’s lots of options- so many that I can’t list them all. But everyone knows missionary, cowgirl, backwards cowgirl, doggy style, on-the-side is a little less common but just as fun, the good ol’ against a wall (called a standing O), etc. List goes on! And obviously people make up their own positions all the time. However, every position has the same thing in common: they can get tiring! Top or bottom, it can get tiring. When you’re moving, muscles working, and in positions where you’re bent or kneeling or lifting yourself up or thrusting forwards, your muscles get tired and they can cramp. Getting a cramp in the middle of sex isn’t fun- which means, in irl and in writing, changing up the position regularly is a good thing! It adds variation, different sensation, and lots of interesting things to play with in fic! Get comfy with it, literally. Riding isn’t always a dream boat, and neither is the ever trustworthy missionary, so get creative- and flexible. 

5: Expectations vs Reality

This varies a lot person to person! It also can be heavily affected by the person you’re with. Naturally, it’s not all sunshine and orgasms. A weird angle can poke something not fun, or a particularly hard thrust can be uncomfortable. Depends on the person, but if you’re writing- add stuff in! Just anal alone might be enough for some (especially with prostate stimulation), but its fun to add in other stuff too! Give your readers some more to work with: butt cheeks (kneading, squeezing, slapping), nipples (pinch, suck, twist, etc), front gear (penis, clitorus, vagina), etc! Those are more typical erotic areas, but everyone is different. Try sucking on their neck, nipping at ears and collarbones, stroking thighs, waist, and stomach, pulling their hair, sticking a couple fingers in their mouth, and just get creative. 

When it actually comes to penetration, it also depends on the person, and what mood they’re in. 

Generally a good base rule to go with is to start slow- you aren’t hammering a nail. Then feel it out and speed up or add more force as the receiving bottom feels comfortable with. Have a conversation about it. 

Another piece is overstimulation. If someone has already come once or even twice, if you continue to stimulate them, it's a very strong sensation (speaking from personal experience, this probably ranges from person to person as well). For some, their second orgasm is much stronger. But for others, this stimulation is strong enough to be genuinely uncomfortable- which leads us cleanly to our next topic:

6: Prostates 

That magic little button up every (cisgendered) man’s ass! It's talked about like it’s a mysterious pot of gold and a guaranteed happy button. For many, it is! But for some, it's too much or uncomfortable. Relate it to this: some (cisgendered) women don’t like clitoral stimulation or at least direct stimulation because it’s too strong of a sensation, and can be painful or anxiety-causing. The prostate can be similar, in that it can just be too strong of a sensation. Personally, I haven’t met someone who struggles with it, but I have heard of such things so I figured it would be good to mention. 

Beyond that, you have to be able to find it! Unlike the penis, clitoris, or vagina, it's not very easy to access because it’s up inside the body. However, you can generally find it by going in and slightly up. If you think of a clock (or the body from the side), it would be just about on your 10:30-11:00. It can vary slightly from person to person, but it’s generally around there. 

Fun fact: unlike the clitoris (which is primarily for sexual aid), the prostate has a purpose: the prostate helps make some of the fluid in semen, which carries sperm from the testicles when you ejaculate. Funky. 

7: Description

This is purely for writing, since you won’t need to describe the feeling in real life- you’ll be feeling it! But for writing, there’s certainly some tips.

Generally, know your topic. If you’re writing slow, loving sex you should be using gentle soft words to help keep that warm and wonderful atmosphere. If you’re writing rough hate sex, it swings the other way- use passionate and lewd words to capture that fiery feeling. Generally, you should be making the most use out of word choice as you can. Using italics in the right place can be very powerful- a well placed “ oh.” is always a heart stopper- and good dialogue is good too. Some writers think that talking doesn’t belong in smut, but I strongly disagree- it's just another opportunity to capture emotion, from soft love declarations panted out, to snarls of hate in the midst of having their brains fucked out, to domestic jokes between long time lovers, or comforting nerves for a first-timer. It's free real estate. 

In terms of the feeling- if you’ve never felt it yourself- it's a good bet to go with, tight, big, full, very warm, and hot. Depending on the dick, it can feel different, but those are generally good descriptors. You can mention the stretch, perhaps a slight burn, a firm push and the feeling of being stuffed full, there’s lots of options. Fun fact: you can feel the heartbeat of a person if you’re inside them! Kinda weird, but if your character’s dick (or tongue, maybe) is inside someone else, it's pretty likely they can feel the other character’s heartbeat around them. That’s a bit of a rush!

Describe sounds too! I’m not gonna tell you to go and listen to people moan- though that’s very good learning too. You can try and imagine what people sound like when they're exercising: panting, groaning. Ok, that’s one part. And if people feel really good- like when they’re stretching out- they also groan, but it's kind of forced out of them. You can imagine that. 

Generally, when someone is close to orgasm, their breathing gets faster, if they’re talking they start to lose control of that (babbling, cut off sentences, breathless), and their voice typically gets higher. Exaggerating this for fic is totally cool cus it adds drama and effect! Also, it's hot. 

On that note, I’ve never actually heard someone legitimately scream when they come. I’m glad because A. that’s weird, but B. it makes sense. In theory, they should be pretty out of breath at this point, so letting out a huge loud scream doesn’t seem realistic. Idk, maybe it happens, but it's more realistic to stick with high keening, sobs, and a breathless or panted wail or cry. Again, this is all about word choice. While you as the writer may know that your “scream” isn’t actually a blood-curdling scream, your readers may not and it could kill the mood immediately. Using detail and careful word choice is better for maintaining that erotic atmosphere for as long as you can/ want to. 

The best tips I can give you for learning specifically how to write smut to go read some! You are what you eat- you write what you read. 

8: Aftercare

So, everyone is satisfied and winding down. Great, your job is done! Well, maybe not. If you choose to end your fic right there, that’s cool! But if you want to write the aftermath and care, here we go. 

First step: the sticky things. Just a warm or damp cloth will do for this. Clean whatever part of the body that lube or cum has got on- most commonly the chest, face, penis, and ass. 

If the characters didn’t use a condom, cum will most likely be leaking out of the bottom’s, well, bottom. It’ll have to come out the same way it went in, so I would encourage your character to go to the bathroom and use the toilet and a douche or enema to get all that out unless you want cum to slowly soil any underwear you put on. It will keep leaking, or just get pushed out with excrement the next time that character goes to the bathroom. 

If there’s mess on the sheets, wash them. Many wise gay men put down a towel (or multiple) but sometimes it doesn’t catch it all. Clean whatever is necessary. 

Second step: bodily care. Some might not need this or need as much, but if the bottom was a newbie, hadn’t done it in a while, stretching was rushed, or it was just particularly rough, there’s probably going to be some soreness. Drink water, offer advil. Make sure they’re comfortable- maybe a heating pad or soft pillow for when they sit down.

For the top, especially if it was bareback, go to the bathroom and pee! Make sure to clear the urethra of any bacteria or residues that may have been acquired from the bottom’s body or just simply cumming. Just give it a good rinse.  

This all leads us directly to our next topic:

9: Sanitation

Surprisingly, anal isn’t actually that dirty. Fecal matter is generally stored in the large intestine and colon, so it's not like it’s just waiting at the entrance. Still, using an enema or douche beforehand is something that some bottoms do, and it's good to get it extra clean. But it’s not totally necessary. 

However! When using toys, fingers, or mouth and tongue (rimming), I definitely suggest some basic cleaning up to prevent cross contamination (dual-use toys) and sickness (any bacteria entering the body from fingers touching nose, eyes, or mouth or direct infection by mouth). E Coli isn’t fun.

For this, I recommend baby wipes! Seriously, they should be something that lives in every sexually active adult’s bedroom. They’re great for lots of things, including quick clean up before and after some frisky business. For cleaning toys, most can be cleaned with soap and water. Electric or battery powered toys can be too, just carefully. Some toys can even be boiled for extra sanitation. 

That covers the basics of what one should know for writing accurate smuts! I’m sure there’s things I missed, but again this is just based on my own experience and knowledge, which is naturally limited. 

10: Bonus topic: Buttplugs! 

The good, the bad, and the sexy: a plug isn’t just a plug.

They come in lots of different shapes, styles, and materials. The most common are things like silicone, steel, and glass. Most generally have a similar shape in that there’s a teardrop head that tapers down to a short pole, finished by a wide flat bottom. They come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes though.

Preparation: very similar to prepping for anal sex- lube and relaxation is key. However, they require slightly less long term relaxation, since the wide part enters once and then the hole closes around the thinner base, meaning its not remaining stretched like it would be in sex. Generally, the purpose of wearing a plug is to feel full and for maintaining a low level of sexual arousal, instead of direct and active stimulation. They can also aid- but are not a replacement for- in keeping someone stretched for future activities. Again, aid, not replace. You should always check how stretched someone is before penetration- it's likely that they gradually tightened back up over the time they’ve been wearing the plug because of the tapered base. 

Some like to wear a plug during the day! Depending on the plug, this can be a very nice experience. There are actually ‘travel’ or ‘day’ plugs, meant to be worn and comfortable for long periods of time. I suggest having lube with you for maintaining a day plug, in case the lube dries or is wiped away. Remember, when in doubt, use more lube. 

Plugs are a great object for a smut fiction, and offers lots of options for play and fun situations! 

Thanks for reading/ listening! I hope you learned lots and have fun writing! 

Have fun with it- and remember, when in doubt, use more lube.