Archive of Our Own ^beta

The soft breeze trickles through the grass, making the plants wash back and forth. The trees are too, dancing in motion, the leaves jittering and waving.

Cole stands in a field, surrounded only by the Earth, no man made structure in sight.

He sighs, closing his eyes, and allows himself to sit cross legged in the welcoming grass, as he is always happy to become one with his element.

He takes a deep breath, inhaling the fumes of fresh air and the smell of the plants around him, and feels his muscles relax completely. The breeze tickles his face, making his black hair move a bit.

He smiles, feeling at home. A strong aura of peace has enveloped him, making him feel as if he was floating, not giving one care about anything.

His hands move down behind him, to push his delicate fingers through the grass and to support himself as he lays back.

He opens his eyes, a look of confusion and fear can be seen, as he glances down at his hands. He expected to be greeted by the soft green plants that are below him, but no, he is welcomed by the feeling of something wet and sticky, curling into the palms of his hands.

Cole immediately pulls his hands up close, as to see why he isn't touching the earth instead of whatever this is.

His eyes immediately dilate, his blood pumping in his ears, his heart quickly accelerates, even his hands start to violently shake.

Thick red blood is dripping off his hands.

Cole wants to scream, but his voice comes out as nothing, like his voice has been carried off by the wind, or something has been logged into his throat.

He looks up, desperate to find the source of this blood, and is not greeted by the warm sun on his face, the gentle breeze on his cheeks.

Instead, he is looking into nothing.

A black dark void has replaced the beautiful sunny sky, the earth field vanished, instead a seemingly never ending lake of red blood has replaced it.

Cole wants to scream, to cry, to do anything, but it feels like he is being controlled, like a puppet on a string. He tries desperately to at least move his fingers, but they stay in place in front of his view, the blood still weirdly running down his shaking hands.

Suddenly, there are ripples on the endless lake of blood. It grows closer by the second, and there is not much Cole can do but wait for the worst. He closes his eyes and cringes as he hears scraping, the sound of metal against metal, continuing to draw closer.

It felt like hours, maybe days until the ripples died off, the agonizing scraping sound disappeared, until the-

"Cole."

Cole opens his eyes, and stares at the floor. That voice is all too familiar, too gentle, too loving. He doesn't want to look, but the invisible hand that controls him has other ideas. He slowly looks up, his limbs working against him.

He looks right into the eyes of his mother, Lily.

Cole somehow let's out a choking noise, as his body automatically makes him stand up, his arms resting at his sides. He makes an attempt to run into her arms, to tell her how much he misses and loves her, but the best he can do is shake a little, he body betraying him.

His mother shakes her head, smiling sadly. She is wearing a white silky dress that flows slightly, the bottom strangely not soaking up any red substance.

"My son.. why did you do this?"

Cole opens his mouth to speak, but yet again his lips remain sealed.

Lily's smile suddenly into a depressing frown, her eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes turn cold.

"You.. just watched as I died. Why did you let me die?" She asks, her voice rising, obviously getting angry.

As if on cue, as if someone turned on a switch, Cole cries.

"I-I didn't want you to die, I didn't know what to do, I was just a kid! Please mom, I love you, I love you, don't leave me again." He yells desperately, the tears he's been holding suddenly starts streaming down his face.

Her anger dissipates, and she laughs, not the happy kind, the cold disappointed kind. A sudden dark red patch appears on her white gown, spreading slowly, staining the fabric.

"You really want me to believe you tried to save me like you failed to save the others?"

Cole's eyes flicker to the person who magically appeared next to his mother. The Earth elemental's breath picks up quickly again as he looks at Zane. Zane is wearing a white gi, as usual, but this gi is torn in many places. Coles eyes widen as he realizes that Zane is wearing not only a white gi, but the gi he was wearing when he was destroyed by the Overlord. But that's not what worries Cole the most. Zane is in his human form, but one of his cheeks is dangling off his face, bloody strings keeping the piece from falling completely off. His pupils are dilated so much that you would have to get real close to see them.

Zane shows no emotion as he says coldly, "I thought you cared about us Cole, do you hate us that badly?"

Cole grits his teeth, "No! I didn't know you would sacrifice yourself and-"

"And yet here we are!" Zane yells pointing a ripped finger as Cole winces. "You still could have tried to stop me! My limbs were torn in half, and the pain was so unbearable, that I was happy to die just to get away from the pain! But your going to let that happen to the rest of them, are you?! Yes, because you are so damn selfish!"

"No Zane! I won't! I-" Cole cuts himself off as the white ninja in front if him starts pulling himself apart, pulling off piece by piece, revealing bloodied metal underneath. Cole's body decides to freeze up at this moment, forcing him to watch as Zane dismantles himself.

"Why didn't you do anything?!" Zane screams as he grabs his own heart and starts to squeeze-

Cole gasps and sits up, his hands immediately going to his chest, squeezing the soft material as his heart thumps rapidly. He stares, as his fear and emotions catch up to him. Before he realizes, tears begin to slip down his cheeks.

He hugs his knees to his chest, shaking and trying not to cry too loud, as to not wake the others on the ship, that's another good reason to have separate rooms. He muffles his sobs with his hand.

He hates it when he has nightmares, especially about the ones he loves. He never knows how to cope with the aftermath, so he just curls in onto himself and waits for the fear to die down. Nightmares are usually rare, he doesn't get them that often. But this one specific dream is new, so he is more shook than normal.

Cole wipes his eyes as he wanders into his bathroom. He shuts the door quietly as he looks in the mirror, not bothering locking the door. I don't even know what time it is. He blinks sleepily, rubbing his eyes, wiping his remaining tears. He turns on the sink faucet and splashes his face, hoping that the water can somehow wash away pain and help him forget.

Cole glances at himself, his eyes tired and full of sadness.

Even though it was a dream, it sure felt real. He sighs as he thinks. Maybe his dream was a sign, a sign that Zane is hiding something, hiding how he really feels about that day. Zane has never been too open about expressing his feelings, he is always telling the team that it helps better if he keeps his thoughts and feelings locked inside. Which Cole thinks is utter bullshit.

He turns off the faucet, and doesn't bother to dry his hands. He shakes the water droplets as he continues to let his mind wander.

A soft knock startles him out of his thoughts, Cole jumps slightly, not expecting to have company at this ungodly hour.

"Cole? Are you okay?" The voice says, muffled by the door barrier.

Cole grimaces, for he knows who's behind that door. The soft voice carries the sound of concern and kindness. Zane does in fact sleep but his sleep is different. He powers off yes, however he can still hear and feel things, almost like he's awake and asleep at the same time.

Cole doesn't answer, afraid that his voice will crack or that he will start crying again, which he definitely doesn't want the nindroid to see.

He's supposed to be the strong one, the one who lacks emotion, the one who's supposed to carry his team and not his team carry him. But even Cole knows that's bullshit. Everyone has emotions that they are allowed to feel, but for Cole, feeling these things are supposed to be foreign to him. Cole has convinced himself many times that in order to be stronger, he has the devote himself to be emotionless and sturdy, which was to no avail.

Zane waits a moment before saying, "I'm coming in."

The bathroom door creaks open and the nindroid slips in quickly, quietly closing the door once more.

Cole's breath begins to quicken as flashes of his nightmare enter his vision; Zane tearing himself apart, the dents and scrapes, the dangling part of his face, the blood..

The Earth elemental doubles over, clutching his stomach, as he slides down the wall, the tears threatening to reappear, as his stomach turns.

"Cole!" Zane half whispers, hunching down to place his hands on the black ninja's shoulders, trying to comfort him.

Cole stiffens, the images still appearing in his head, as he roughly shoves the nindroid's hands off him.

"Don't touch me..!" He says, his voice breaking like a dam, he can feel his eyes water again. Suddenly the floor looks extremely interesting, and Cole glues his eyes to it, not daring to look at the ninja before him.

Zane feels a lot of emotions running through him; fear, panic, sadness... hurt. Zane scoots back a few inches, giving Cole space, as he looks at him sadly. Whatever Cole is experiencing, he has made it clear that Zane is not wanted. But he has to try.

"... I want to help you Cole..."

Cole shakes his head just a bit, Zane would have missed it if he wasn't sitting so close.

Cole feels a stab at his heart, he can hear the hurt in the white ninja's voice. But what can he do? If he looks at the ice elemental, he will continue to see the Zane from his nightmare, and if he tries to explain, he will for sure break down. So he sticks with his third option: Stay silent and controlled and hope the nindroid will understand and leave. But he doesn't want to push his Snowflake away, Zane always manages to comfort him.

The silence stretches.

After what seems to be a half an hour, the nindroid sighs and leaves, not bothered to close the door quietly.

The Earth elemental looks up just barely, his arms still wrapped tightly around him. He curses himself mentally. Zane was here to help you! And you pushed him away, you couldn't have just explained to him. Who cares if he sees you cry!

He starts to shake again.

You are such jerk! Zane didn't do anything, and you shoved him off like some annoying pest. He.. He probably hates you now. Oh god he hates me doesn't he, I hurt him, I hurt him. He chants in his head. He can feel the panic attack start to push its way in, making Cole's tears finally start to spill over. His vision is blurred. As he stares at the ground, he feels himself unconsciously beginning to rock back and forth, comforting himself.

Cole doesn't register the door opening once again but it doesn't close this time.

He does, however, notice the warm substance that is placed in his hands, his hands automatically closing around it. A soft blanket is draped around his shoulders, but he shudders anyway.

He doesn't see Zane, his vision is too messed up to see correctly, but he knows its him. Zane always gives off a warm, comfortable aura, which makes the black ninja relax immediately.

Zane places his hands on Cole's, silently encouraging him to drink whatever is in the cup. Cole brings it to his lips, his hands shaking verbally, and is engulfed in warmth, his entire body ceases to shudder only a little. Its chamomile tea, Cole's favorite.

Zane decides to rest his hands on Cole's knees, rubbing his thumbs in small circles, comforting him yet giving him space.

As Cole sips his tea, his nerves finally decide to calm down. His shaking eventually stops, his breathing back to normal, and his heart thumps at a normal pace again. And Zane just watches the entire time, making sure Cole's vitals are normal, offering him his love and protection when he wants it.

It seems they have been sitting in the bathroom for hours, when Cole pulls the beverage closer, halfway gone already, and chances a look at Zane.

When their eyes meet, Zane offers a small reassuring smile, continuing to stroke Cole's knees softly. And Cole does not see a disturbing, bloody version of Zane, instead he sees a nindroid who gives him a loving smile, his ocean blue eyes letting him know that everything will be okay.

His heart swells at the thought of Zane, so willing and patient as to sit in an uncomfortable bathroom on the floor, waiting for Cole to be okay again.

Cole sets his mug on the counter, lifting one arm as the other grips on the blanket. He looks at Zane tiredly, and gestures to the nindroid to come cuddle. Zane is happy to oblige, as he sits next to Cole, and puts Cole's legs over his torso and holds him close. The Earth elemental smiles a little as he drapes the blanket over the both of them, snuggling into Zane, his head on Zane's shoulder. Cole beats Zane about a few inches in height, but he always feels small enough to be held by said nindroid.

A comfortable silence welcomes them.

When Cole regains a bit of his composure, he whispers,

"..I'm sorry.."

Zane starts to stroke the other mans arm, shaking his head slightly, silently urging him to continue.

".. I just.. didn't want you to see me like this, you know? So.. vulnerable."

Zane eyebrows threaten to lower, but he keeps his face neutral, knowing Cole might feel guilty if Zane scowls. Why would Cole think that? Every human has feelings and emotions, it's only natural.

Cole takes a deep breath, stabling himself enough to explain.

"I.. I just had a nightmare.. it involved you and... my mother." He blinks a few times, trying to get the tears out. "It.. it started out nice, there was a huge field of trees and plants, and I felt at peace with myself. It felt.. good.."

Zane nods along, listening intently.

"But then, it changed. Instead of a field of grass, I was standing in a lake of.. blood. And my mother walked up to me, wearing this weird white dress... She kept asking me.. Why I didn't save her, and I tried to explain, but then you came out from behind her."

Cole pauses a moment, getting anxious as to explain what he saw.

"And you had no pupils.. You were wearing your gi when you.. defeated the Overlord, but it was ripped and torn. But.. The worst part was... One side of your face was hanging off, and you looked.. human."

He felt Zane tense.

Cole continued. "And you kept asking the same thing.. "Why didn't you save me?" You kept bringing up the Overlord incident... And when I tried to answer, you got more.. Violent. Eventually you got so angry that you started to rip yourself up.. And you kept asking the same thing... then I woke up."

As Cole quiets again, Zane hugs him tighter.

"... I..." Zane gives a frustrated sigh, obviously trying to find the right words and failing. Cole raises his eyebrows a little, he has never seen the Ice elemental at a loss for words, the only time he saw this rare moment was when the team have gotten grave news about Zane's father passing, the white ninja clearly upset to the point of not speaking in complete sentences.

Zane stares in thought, and suddenly he seems to sag a little, feeling drained and lost about what Cole had said.

"... You know I.. don't blame any of you for my.. absence." Zane whispers, choosing his words carefully. "It was my decision and mine alone. I just hope that was just a dream and.. none of you feel like my actions are your fault."

"I'm not sure about the others, but I know for a fact that I... I catch myself sometimes. Sometimes I do blame it on me, what if we could have found another way? What would have happened if I stopped you and we made another plan?"

"Cole, I hope you will refrain from ever thinking that. I'm alive and here now and-"

"But that's the thing Zane!" Cole half whispers, sitting up a bit, starting to feel tension in the air. "I was alone for who knows how long, hell maybe months, of knowing I would never see you again. How do you think I felt? How do you think the team felt?"

Zane sighs. "You're.. you're right Cole, I should never assume everyone was okay while I was.." Dead Cole thinks. "..gone." Zane can't seem to say that one word.

Cole snuggles back again, feeling the fight leave as quickly as it came.

Cole yawns, suddenly very tired, I still don't know what time it is, he thinks sheepishly. Zane notices, and starts to untangle himself. But before he can get too far, Cole grabs his hands, bringing to his lips as he kisses the nindroid's hand just lightly, even though he can feel his eyes become heavy by the second.

"I'm sorry for making you upset, but this conversation did help me a bit... And.. I appreciate you being here for me...." Cole doesn't finish, he lets Zane's hand drop slowly as he drifts off to sleep.

Zane chuckles, apparently any contact with the nindroid puts Cole into a comfortable state, comfortable enough to fall asleep.

He looks at the boy in his lap, noting that his breathing is beginning to become heavier as he falls more into deep slumber. Zane smiles, as he kisses the black ninjas forehead.

They definitely need to finish this conversation, there are so many unsaid truths about that fateful day, but for now, everything is as it should be.